batfambullshitshenaniganry

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He is approximately three apples tall

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OF COURSE it was in his Discowing days.

Robin!Jason: I wonder if different brands of shampoo taste different

Dick: They do

Jason:

Dick:

Jason:

Dick: Wait, ask me again and I'll hesitate before answering this time.

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Hal, interrupting Barry mid-sentence: Hold up. You were in Gotham? Batman’s Gotham? ‘No-Meta-in-Gotham’ Gotham?

Barry: Yeah? Bats needed my forensic expertise. It was so cool. We traced-

Hal: Not fair. I want to go to Gotham

Barry: Ask Batman

—

Green Lantern, thinking about how he’s going to kill The Flash: You want me to go in there *gestures to open manhole* In the sewer. To fight an alligator.

Batman: Killer Croc is a man

Green Lantern: That looks like a crocodile and eats people.

Batman: Yes.

Green Lantern: What about him? Make him do it *gestures to Red Robin*

Red Robin: Can’t

Batman: He can’t.

Green Lantern: Why not?

Red Robin: Don’t have a spleen

Batman: He doesn’t have a spleen.

Green Lantern:

Red Robin, over coms: Did you guys hear that? Green Lantern just told me he wants me to fucking die

Coms: *explodes as everybody speaks at once*

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I think more people need to play around with Damian's speech. Don't get me wrong, I love the antiquated Victorian child style of speech, but also he's a teenager that swears plenty in the comics. We really need more scenes like:

Damian: Father, I regret to inform you that I have been assigned in-school suspension for the next three days.

Bruce: What, why?!

Damian: My classmate Kevin was disparaging a female classmate for turning him down, so I called him 'a rizz-less, basic-ass neckbeard bitch' and said I was going to fuck his mom and give her a son she'd actually love.

Bruce: *is completely speechless*

Damian: That is all I needed to tell you. If you will excuse me, I have homework to complete before dinner and patrol.

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this was originally just supposed to be showing off my Harley design, but then I made it into a whole thing :P

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Nightwing by Gleb Melnikov

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Dick: what’s your blood type?

Tim: how would i know?

Dick: how would you not!?

Tim: who am i, karl landsteiner, discoverer of blood groups?

Dick: you don’t know your own blood type, BUT YOU KNOW WHO DISCOVERED THEM?!

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This might be my favourite cover because for one thing it gets me invested in the potential story like WHY is Cass in jail. I can think of a thousand reasons why people would want to arrest her but why has she let them, that's the part I'm most intrigued by.

Secondly, Cass looks so much like Shiva here that I'm pretty sure her mugshot would give Bruce a jump scare.

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Love that they’re letting Dick kick ass while also letting Bruce wrap him up in his cape like a child. Both aspects are very important.

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Sometimes evil is being a very good henchman by letting your boss practice his monologues on you. :3

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I will forever miss these two... I have such a soft spot for the Young Justice versions of Jason and Damian sobs

(((when will you return to me I need some level of conclusion some closure

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A collection of ones I didn't really feel were post-worthy but have them anyway

More batfam twitter shenanigans here

Taglist under the cut

@scarlettauthor @searchingforthelamps @aceisferal @lady-bizarre @nana-mizu-shiki @reality-itself-but-magic @humanoidluv @shortstorylover @luckybyrdrobyn @ginevraxrogers @universal-travel-er @timpendragon @limeskittlesaredecent @illburnyouontheceiling @half-emptyjuicebox @genderlessblomber @i-suc-at-art @somniphobicfox @ultra-stormsaga @procrastinators-folly @folk-ever-lore @marinafanning @tzuyu132132 @sackofsadstuff @notarobot-lastichecked @blankliferain @kking13 @blackholegladiator @formulaonebuff @blackstar-gazer @wrongwaykelly @smiling-through-sadness @cygnusdoesthings @lyninabin @justabilingualchileangirl @atlasaurelius @xxrougefangxx @fictional-love21 @kittyplayz1 @bae-graphomaniac @rusty-lake-resident @spawn0fsatan @savetheupholstery @lostsomewhereinthegarden @dead-potato-monster @its-a-dam-blue-brick @elamimax @ja50nt0ddwa5h3r3 (continued in replies due to tag limit)

If you want to be added to/removed from the taglist let me know in the replies (easier to sort through than reblogs)

[batfambullshitshenaniganry]

When Bruce “died” all his kids ended up gathering together for the reading of his will. Things were split pretty evenly between them with certain assets going to certain people (the company to Tim, the Manor to Alfred etc). At the end of the will there is one last line

“Don’t let your brother turn into a supervillian.”

All of the siblings are busy arguing about who Bruce might be talking about except for Tim and Cass, who are standing away from the group. Tim has an amused gleam in his eye and Cass is staring him down.

“Don’t you dare.” She signs at him knowing full well that Bruce was talking about Tim.

“I’m going to take over the League of Assassins.” He signs back to her.

Which was always the plan, he just couldn’t leave right away. Dick giving Damian Robin was a perfect excuse. Also, Bruce was def alive just lost in the time stream and the league would have the resources he needs to find answers.

Six months later, over 100 bases blown up, and with coordinates to recover Bruce, Tim returns to Gotham. He’s not alone though. Oh no. Drake Industries has had a complete overhaul under the leadership of the teenage heir and if all of the new employees are ninja assassins thats for Tim to know and no one else.

When Bruce returns he gets swarmed with questions from his kids about which brother he was referencing at the end of his will and he gives them all a confused look.

“Tim of course. The kid borrows my morals like library books.” At this, Dick goes ashen.

Tim? Bruce had been concerned about Tim? Tim who has been off the grid for the last 6 months doing god knows what?

“Tim should have known I was referencing him. He should have told you and the fact that he didn’t means I should be concerned.” Bruce glances to his son who can’t contain his smile.

“It’s hardly my fault the Ra’s has the charisma of a used gym sock. Besides, at least I offer benefits and paid time off. Also you don’t have to worry about the LOA anymore. They all work for me now.” He smiles a bit wider and then disappears into the shadows.

Bruce, who wrote that last line after going through Tim’s Young Justice Records, simply signs. “Could be worse. He could have become Gun Batman.” Which unloads an entirely new floodgate of questions from those around him, but as long as his kids are safe, happy, and still walking a mostly moral line then Bruce is happy.

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If I was J'onn, I'd check out during League meetings to daydream and doodle and periodically check into Batman's head where he's keeping a running transcript of major decisions along with annotations like "tell Clark to stop doing that thing with hair, extremely distracting", "God Barry, say what you want or stop opening your mouth repeatedly", and "For fuck's sake Hal do not get Oliver started on fourth wave feminism", followed by more transcriptions and a mental to do list that's so off puttingly impossible but also includes tasks like: "buy new crockpot to apologize to Alfred. Pride goeth before the food poisoning."

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wahoo finished this in time for superbat week day 5: tired dads!!

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i had a thought

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Jason, reading a newspaper: "Holy shit. Lex Luthor's name is Alexander? I had no idea..."

Tim: "What, you thought his parents just named him Lex?"

Jason, shrugging: "Well, yeah. Parents are always calling their kids dumb shit. Look at Dick."

Tim: "...You know Dick is short for Richard, right?"

Jason, setting his paper down: "What."