abthepoet

[abthepoet]

It's been far too long since I posted any Poe content.

[abthepoet]

Just a friendly reminder that if the first time they say they love you is anywhere but to your face....

they are not emotionally available. 

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

[abthepoet]

Just showing off my babies.

[abthepoet]

[abthepoet]

I am sufficiently obsessed with the moon.

(1) by Victor Kallenbach, (2) Paul Pastourmatzis

[abthepoet]

I used to post all sorts of art & photography. It's

Time to revisit some of that.

reflections

[abthepoet]

Needed all of these

I found a bunch of old notes from my art journal and thought I’d share them. Feel free to take whatever message you need the most right now.

[abthepoet]

Valentine's Day 2023.

I've kept tumblr all these years because no matter how much I post no one from my real life comes here. Even if I tell them about it, no one comes here. Back in the early days we used to say your Tumblr was like the Batman to your Bruce Wayne; no one really knew who you were. All that mattered was the content you shared and the audience that resonated with it.

And while my focus and audience have changed significantly throughout the years, one thing stays true; I do not fear people from my real life showing up and ruining my honest freedom.

It's Valentine's Day 2023 and I've intentionally abstained from celebrating it. There is a person in my life who I wasn't very sure about last year and I'm definitely sure I don't want to be romantic partners with this year. We're barely making it as a friends. I'm doing all I can to be a nice, hospitable friend to this person but it's been a non stop stress fest and it's always at my expense. The problem is I can't be honest with them because I fear for my safety. I've told them I've experienced intimate partner violence before and I've set clear boundaries on what's not ok to do- but they never respect those boundaries and then blame it on autism.

Autism community I have genuine questions. At what point does an autistic person need to claim responsibility for their actions and stop blaming it on being autistic? For example if an adult, a full grown tax payer over 30, becomes so dysregulated they engage in physically abusive behaviors like grabbing, pushing,and screaming .....is it safe to say they're just a powder keg who's not safe to be around? So much so they've left bruises and broken skin. Because any time I bring up my own concerns about their behavior and it's impact on my mental health and my lack of feeling safe around them I get shamed and berated for "making them feel ashamed." And then things start to escalate quickly into a violent place. Even if I keep my voice low and calm- they escalate and escalate. Somehow I don't think that's how a healthy dynamic works. I can't say anything that might upset them because it turns into a long spiral of shame and guilt that usually ends up with me being screamed at or worse. Is it fair to blame autism when the neighbors have called the police on Three Separate occasions because this person has become so out of control the neighbors thought someone was in the middle of a domestic violence assault case?

Is it fair to blame autism when it's clear there is unprocessed trauma and other mental health issues festering here and they outright refuse all help and then say it's autism with a side of PDA? I feel like I spend all of my time putting band aids on a boat that keeps ripping holes into its own hull and the swirl of despair keeps trying to suck me down with the ship. I set so many boundaries about how it's not ok to scream at me. It's not ok to start slamming things and throwing things. It's not ok to grab me. (I was sitting in the car, driver seat, seatbelt on- they were standing outside of the passenger side door raging. They angrily reached in thru the open passenger window & grabbed me by the wrist) it's not ok to clap so loud I jump back and my ears ring. It's not ok to slam doors so hard things fall off walls and the pets hide under furniture. They once took the car so I couldn't get to work. They once tied a bag of cat shit to my front door. I have been called more insults and slurs than I care to repeat.

Oh what was my role in this behavior some of you may ask? One time they got so mad at the Automated customer service Robot on the phone it turned into a day long screaming meltdown rage. I spent the afternoon being verbally abused. It had absolutely nothing to do with me but I got hurt anyway. Am I wrong for insisting this person learn how to regulate their fucking emotions and get help? Because any time I do it turns into another massive meltdown.

Is it fair to blame autism when they constantly talk about wanting to un-alive themselves and refuse to get help?

They said when we met they were masking 24/7 and they don't think I like the unmasked version of them. I said when we met, you acted like a completely different person and it felt like a bait and switch. In the short time we've known each other this person has been in constant crisis and a stones throw away from homelessness. The person I met acted like they had their shit together. They had goals. They could support themselves. The second we got together they threw all that out the window for this emotionally turbulent existence on the verge of collapse.

I don't know what to do anymore. I've been supporting this person because they came into my life, unmasked, and said, I'm too tired to work anymore I physically can't do it. Ok fine, but the timing is convenient right after you find a way into my life and then never generate income again. And when i said "I was never expecting to support another adult on my one income this isn't fair to me." I'm told "stop making me feel guilty." I don't MAKE you feel anything but I sure have felt the stress of supporting you and your cat (including food and vet bills) while also being treated like fucking trash. Because I had the audacity to say "we don't have fun anymore" (because we don't- every day is them spiraling into despair about the state of the world) I'm told "you're bullying me and making me feel ashamed" .....What the actual fuck? I can't keep doing these mental gymnastics and I'm so tired of walking on eggshells to keep myself safe. I'm genuinely afraid this person could snap and do real bodily harm to me. Little by little the physical violence has gotten worse. From loud banging and claps to putting their hands on me and leaving marks. They're staying with me temporarily until they can get themselves moved to their next place because they lost their last apartment due to not paying rent. But they're not doing anything to raise funds for a moving truck. They start a part time job in a month from now. That's not soon enough and I already work 2 jobs 6 days a week as it is while single- handedly paying for the food and supplies of all the pets out of pocket. I'm afraid this will go on indefinitely and it will only drag me further and further down. What say you, Autism community? I need your input and support. I need a perspective other than my own.

[abthepoet]

These are good!

Tarot Inspired Journal Prompts

Fool: what is something new you are doing or want to do?

Magician: what is a magical way to enhance my day? Or, how can I be more like the magician?

High Priestess: what are my thoughts on divination? What about intuition?

Empress: what part of myself do I want to grow/nurture?

Emperor: what part of my life needs me to take authority? How can I?

High Priest: what are my personal traditions? How is my spirituality unique to me?

Lovers: what relationships mean the most to me?

Chariot: what part of my life needs me to be more combative/ warrior-like?

Strength: what part of my life should I face with courage?

Hermit: what do I need to do alone more often? What do I need to do with others more often?

Wheel of Fortune: what do I think about luck, fate, and/or fortune?

Justice: when do I need to focus on legality vs fairness? Or, What may cause me to seek justice/retribution?

Hanged Man: what have/will I sacrifice for -x-? What am I never willing to sacrifice? What will I easily give up?

Death: what is something personal I want to end or change? What is something that will end or change no matter how I feel? How can I accept it?

Temperence: what part of my life needs more patience? What part needs more balance? How can I achieve both?

Devil: what is a primal desire I have? Should I grant it to myself? Why or why not? How can I get what I want?

Tower: what can I learn from the current or recent chaos/disaster in my life?

Star: what do I hope for? How can I get it?

Moon: what part of my life is best kept private? Why?

Sun: what makes me happy?

Jusgement: what part of me needs reflection? What is a fair assessment of that part?

World: what parts of my life have been fulfilled? What parts are still lacking?

[abthepoet]

I have one rule and motto when it comes to being an instrumentalist and that's, Make It Sing. I improved this bass line. I created a bit of a structure with a main idea and then just made the rest up as I went along.

I did a few takes and this one wound up being my favorite.

My audio set up right now is an iPhone headphones mic dangling near the amp. Sophisticated, I know. But I really loved the musicality of the bass line.

I'm open to feedback and collabs. Just sayin.

[abthepoet]

Ive spent so much time focusing on poetry & writing that hardly anyone realizes Im also a professional musician. My primary instrument is bass and I've been playing for over 20 years. Anyway. Here's me doing some metal riff I made up to go with this drum beat.

[abthepoet]

Listening to "I Am" affirmations on YouTube has actually been crucial to re writing my mental script.

I felt really dumb at first and I realized it was because I was having trouble believing the positive messages. That was a huge wake up call. So I kept going until the messages started floating into my subconscious and playing in the background of my daily life. I have to say it has made a major difference. Of course it's unrealistic and unhealthy to expect any human to be 100% positive all the time, but not tearing yourself to shreds and replacing those thoughts with "I am capable" is a nice reprieve.

My therapist even recommended an affirmations app so I'm getting little helpful messages randomly throughout the day. Sometimes I swear the universe is communicating with me through it because the messages are too spot on sometimes.

You are not your thoughts.

However, you are the one listening to them.

Make them kind.

Make them constructive.

Make them compassionate.

[abthepoet]

“Enforced morality is artificial morality.”

— Frederick Douglass, “Who and What Is Woman? (1886)”

[abthepoet]

Writer's Guide: Writing about Alcoholic Drinks and Cocktails

Or how to write believable bar and nightclub scenes. I often find myself helping friends with their WIPs and often it as a bartender, I find myself having to correct them on bar and mixology terminology. So here's my quick guide to keeping your lingo on the straight and narrow.

Terminology

DASH/SPLASH: a drop of a mixer such as juice or flavouring.

MIXER: non alcholic beveraged served with the measure of alcohol in the same glass.

NEAT: Plain, without any addition of ice or a mixture. Just the alcohol.

ON THE ROCKS: Served over Ice.

STRAIGHT UP: The cocktail is chilled with ice and strained into a glass with no ice

DIRTY – if somebody asks for a dirty martini, you add olive juice, the more juice the dirtier it is

DRY- A dry martini includes a drop of vermouth and an extra dry martini contains a drop of scotch swirled in the glass and drained before adding the gin

BACK – a ‘back’ is a drink that accompanies an alcholic beverage such as water or Coke, but isn't mixed.

GARNISH – something added to a drink such as a lime or lemon or orange.

TWIST - a twist is literally a twist of fruit skin in the drink.

BITTERS – a herbal alcoholic blend added to cocktails.

RIMMED - the glass is coated in salt or sugar to enhance the taste.

VIRGIN- non alcoholic

MOCKTAIL- a virgin cocktail

DOUBLE - Two measures of the same alcohol in the same glass. A bartender can only legally serve a double in the same glass. They cannot serve you a triple.

Equipment

COCKTAIL SHAKER - it is a metal cup that fits into a glass, used to shake the components of your drink together with ice to chill it.

STRAINER- used to seperate ice in the shaker from the liquid within as you pour it into the glass.

MEASURES- these are little metal cylinders meant to measure out the pours of the alcohol. You pour the alcohol from the bottle into the measure and then put it into the glass. It's imperative that the right measure goes into the glass or the drink will taste of shit.

BAR SPOON – a long spoon meant to mix the drink.

OPTIC- it is a mechanism that attaches a bottle to an automatic pourer. The bartender usually fits the glass under the spout and pushes up to release the amount which cuts off at the single measure.

SHOT GLASS- a shot glass is a small glass to contain one measure

PINT GLASS- a glass used for serving pints of lager or ale

HALF PINT GLASS - a tulip shaped glass half the measure of a pint glass

SPEEDWELL/TAPS/DRAFT: are the taps used to pour beer from kegs stored under the bar floor.

SLIM JIM/HIGH BALL GLASS- It is a tall straight holding 8 to 12 ounces and used for cocktails served on the rocks such as a Gin and Tonic.

ROCKS GLASS - or an old fashioned glass, it is short and round. These glasses are used for drinks such as Old Fashioneds or Sazerac

COUPE GLASS- Are broad round stemmed glasses used for cocktails that are chill and served without ice such as a Manhattan, Boulevardier or a Gimlet

MARTINI GLASS - a martini glass is that classic stemmed "v" shaped glass, used to serve drinks without mixers such as Martini and Cosmopolitans

MARGARITA GLASS - is a large, round bowl like glass with a broad and a tall stem used for Margaritas and Daiquiris

HURRICANE GLASS- a tall tulip-like shaped glass with a flared rim and short stem. It holds 20 ounces which means it is the perfect glass to serve iced cocktails in such as Pina Colada, Singapore Sling, Hurricane

Alcoholic Drinks

Vodka- Vodka is made from potatoes or fermented cereal grains. It has a strong taste and scent. It is usually consumed neat with a mixer such as Coke or Orange juice or cranberry juice or in cocktails like Martini, Bloody Mary and Cosmopolitan.

Whisky/Whiskey- Whiskey is a distilled alcoholic beverage, made from fermented grain mash such as barley, corn, rye, and wheat. It gets its flavour form being fermented in casks for long period of time. When serving a whiskey, one asks whether they want ice or a mixer. Everyone has their own preference. I prefer mine like myself, strong and Irish. Scotch is Scottish Brewed whisky.

Rum- Rum is made by fermenting and distilling sugarcane molasses/juice. It is aged in oak barrels. It has a sweet taste.

Beer: is made out of cereal grains and served chilled in bottles or pulled from taps/speedwells.

Ale: Ale in the middle ages referred to beer brewed without hops (a kind of flowering plant that gives beer its bitter taste). It is sweeter and would typically have a fruity aftertaste.

Stout- is a darker beer sometimes brewed from roasted malt, coming in a sweet version and dry version, the most famous stout being Guinness.

Poitín- (pronounced as pot-cheen) is made from cereals, grain, whey, sugar beet, molasses and potatoes. It is a Dangerous Drink (honestly i still don't know how I ended up in that field with a traffic cone and a Shetland pony) and technically illegal. Country folk in Ireland used to brew it in secrets in stills hidden on their land.

Vermouth: Is made from infused with roots, barks, flowers, seeds, herbs, spices, brandy but vermouth is classed aromatized wine. It comes sweet or dry

Gin- is made from juniper, coriander, citrus peel, cinnamon, almond or liquorice and grain alcohol. Gin has a strong scent and taste and is usually served in a martini or a tonic water.

Schnapps- refers to any strong, clear alcoholic beverage. It is considered one of the best types of spirits because of its pure and delicate aroma. Lesson: never drink peach schnapps.

Cocktails and Drinks

Irish Coffee: an Irish coffee is adding whiskey to coffee and sugar and topping it with cream. As a bartender, I would honestly rather cut my arm off than make one of these.

Baby Guinness: Is a shot made by pouting Tia Maria or Kaluah into a shot glass and spreading Baileys on the top so it looks like a small pint of Guinness.

Silver Bullet: a shot of mixed tequila and sambuca.

Long Island Iced Tea:  The Long Island contains vodka, gin, tequila, light rum, lemon juice, triple sec and cola. It has a real kick.

Mai Tai: is made with light and dark rum, lime juice, orange curacao, orgeat syrup and rock candy syrup and served with a mint garnish.

Manhattan: The Manhattan is made with rye whiskey, sweet vermouth and bitters.

Margarita: The margarita is made with tequila, cointreau and lime juice.

Mojito: a mojito is made with muddled mint, white rum, lime juice, simple syrup and soda.

Martini: a martini is made of gin, dry vermouth and garnished with a lemon twist or olives.

Mimosa: a mimosa is a made with sparkling wine and orange juice.

Mint Julep: Made with Kentucky bourbon, simple syrup, mint leaves and crushed ice

Pina Colada: is made with white rum, dark rum, pineapple juice and coconut cream

Screwdriver: Vodka and Orange juice

Tequila Sunrise: tequila, orange juice and grenadine

Tom Collins: made with spiked lemonade, sparkling water, lemon juice, simple syrup and gin

Whiskey Sour: is made with powdered sugar, seltzer, lemon juice and whiskey.

White Russian: made with vodka, coffee liqueur and cream.

Black Russian: made with two parts coffee liqueur and five parts vodka.

Gin and Tonic: gin served with tonic water

Bloody Mary: made with vodka and tomato juice mixed with lemon juice, hot sauce, Worcestershire sauce, horseradish, fresh herbs, brown sugar and cracked black pepper.

Brandy Alexander: served straight up and made with brandy, cognac, creme de cacao and cream

Cosmopolitan: Made with citrus vodka, Cointreau, cranberry juice and fresh lime juice

Daiquiri: made with rum, lime juice and sugar.

Gimlet: gin and lime juice

My Top 10 Bartending Rules and Responsibilities

Overpouring is never an option. You can seriously hurt somebody by overpouring, not to mention spoil the drink and ruin your sales. You only serve people what they ask and never more.

When somebody has had enough, you stop serving them. After a while, you know when to cut somebody off.

Never leave bottles on the counter or in reach of customers. Your expensive spirits should never be in reach of anybody but you.

If you tell somebody your selling them premium and top shelf alcohol, you cannot substitute with cheaper licqor. It's illegal.

As a bartender, your eyes always have to be scanning a crowd. You can't leave people hanging.

The golden rule - if you see somebody messing with someone's drink, you chuck it if you can or warn the person. And you get that son of a bitch out of your pub.

50% of the job is cleaning. You have to clean your tools constantly. You cannot reuse measures and spouts, you have to wash everything. Beer traps are clean out every night, rubber mats are washed and anything you have used has to be clean.

You have to hand dry your glasses. You never polish a pint glass as it fucks up the pint. You polish your cocktail glasses, shot glasses and straight glasses.

If someone seems down or on their own, you try make conversation. Often you'll hear some disturbing stuff but always try lend an ear or make everyone feel included.

If you break a glass in the ice bucket, you got to get rid of the ice.

[abthepoet]

Here's a great video giving advice on how to write dialogue for a fight scene.

[abthepoet]

I've dedicated this part of my life to seriously trying to understand astrology.

Cheers.

Astrological Households

People with 1st House planets need the freedom to be the author/authority of their lives

People with 2nd House planets prefer a small/trusted circle so not to be used for their resources

People with 3rd House planets were often the teachers of younger siblings

People with 4th House planets need a strong connection to their cultural/ancestral origins to feel belonging

People with 5th House planets are inner child healers

People with 6th House planets confront multiple superiors who are less qualified/competent 

People with 7th House planets must to participate in their own self-development; or risk the cycle of a relationship repeating itself indefinitely

People with 8th House planets confront multiple scenarios in life that force the choice between their integrity, or making money

People with 9th House planets need to source a deeper meaning, Divinity, & mythology in life,or risk catching feverish ideologies

People with 10th House planets are subject to a lot of self-annihilating comparison to the lives and successes of others against their own

People with 11th House planets have to wait for the rest of the world to catch up with their ideas, visions, & theories

People with 12th House planets deal with a lethargy caused by physical energy being dispensed in unseen/invisible/dream realms

- Cherry

[abthepoet]

Yes! I think it's her best role to date

winona ryder's character in stranger things has never been wrong even once and every time the fucking gravity turns off or whatever she says "hey thats weird right" and everyone in a 10 mile radius is like "woah category five woman moment incoming"