youurstruly

[youurstruly]

we’re sitting on a hill, the grass is scratching at us. the dirt begging to consume our bodies.

we’re fighting against it

“one day i will be forgotten”

i sigh with relief

“i wish i could remember you” you state, solemnly

we look at each other and wonder what death is like

we stop fighting

growing old, we perish

where we once sat there are now two graves. they are unmarked.

- alvt ( @youurstruly ) forget me

[youurstruly]

it’s me, in a dark hole looking up at the sky

“love me love me” i scream into a void

“but i love you” the stars echoed

“love me love me” i scream into space

“but i love you” beamed the moon

the dark hole grows deeper, hands are reaching in to save me

i’m crying, i can’t see the hands

“where are you going”

me, turning away; “i’m afraid you’ll leave me”

“what are you doing”

i start digging

- alvt ( @youurstruly )

[youurstruly]

[youurstruly]

you tapped your finger on the window and said you touched the sunset

you begged me to love you but i already did

- alvt ( @youurstruly )

[youurstruly]

there’s this look in your eyes, it’s a sort of vacancy.

an open seat on an airplane. a ticket i booked hoping you could run away as fast as i.

there’s this feeling i have. a sort of misery.

god damn it’s exhausting always loving you more than you love me.

[youurstruly]

I asked you how you live, you said that you die.

You asked me what I do, I said I become undone for you.

When we laid down in the soft green grass, I proceeded to ask if you believe in a God.

You said what does it matter dear, my beliefs doesn’t make him real.

And silence briefly fell.

When you said that we will live again, i was not afraid to die.

And so we kissed and pretended not to cry.

- alvt ( @youurstruly ) i love you; kill me

[youurstruly]

and i write poetry on an empty wall and it means absolutely nothing.

how to love.

how to not go crazy.

no one ever reads it, not even i.

with the last syllable i am done, life goes on.

won’t you undo me, won’t you stop time.

we can despise one another and go mad.

- alvt ( @youurstruly ) the ballad of love and hate

[youurstruly]

i am so tired. so tired i want to sigh this life away and wake up in your garden.

the sun is hot on my back and when we laugh i don’t feel so alone.

we’re dancing and i’m not tired any more.

when i ask you where we are you look at me and smile.

it doesn’t matter, we’re okay.

- alvt ( @youurstruly ) heaven

[youurstruly]

this is to all who have loved me, and by doing so wronged me.

i knew i was beautiful. i had soulful eyes and a laugh that could shake the earth, and my body was carved in stone by a god i denied. i was tender and strong.

i still feel the moss growing over my body when i died, and hear my sisters and mothers weep. this body is beautiful but it numbs me.

i seem to forget i was a goddess three thousand years ago. this life is blurring the edges. i get lost on the highway and when you don’t answer your phone. i get lost in a life so modern it erases my ancient needs.

you should’ve praised me like i did you. you should’ve left sacrifices at my feet, as i did, too.

i am not sorry you couldn’t love me in all the ways i needed, you do not blame a dog for not seeing red. i am in sorrow for you. you had the world in your hands and said it was too heavy.

i choose to love and i choose to drown you in my sweetness and to pour my honey down your throat, but i refuse to allow you to drown my water and can no longer waste my nectar.

to understand this is simple. i am a mighty beast. if i am not fed i have no master. if i am not cared for i bite. you can only expect a creature on a chain to be complicit so long.

i have learnt that i require a certain degree of love back. and i know you do not hear the vibrations in the tenth dimension of my soul to be able to dance to my music. so i cannot blame you for your tranquil state.

many times i have been told the fault is in how i love. i think that is simply an easy way for my victims to release themselves from blame. if i am the one that loves too much they are not the ones that is unable to love me back.

i find no shame in my passionate ways. i do not feel naked with no walls built around me. in fact that makes me stronger than any man hiding cowardly behind his defences. i am ready for war. and when i am defeated i am ready once again, yet to find a worthy opponent.

you must understand that i do not need you. there is no thing by nature that is tethering me to you. i have decided to want you. i have tied us together. but my ropes are only so long and if you do not hold on we will fall. the difference is i land on my feet.

my hands have ached from the love letter written, my heart moreover from the letters unreceived.

i cannot beg for love any longer. it is pitiful to cry in the desert just to have something to drink.

- alvt ( @youurstruly )

[youurstruly]

i stopped asking others the matter in which i should live. if i burn, it be my will. if i die, it’s on my terms.

- alvt ( @youurstruly )

[youurstruly]

- alvt ( @youurstruly )

[youurstruly]

how do you expect me to love you when i cannot love myself. how do you expect me to love myself when my father can’t, when my mother hates her body and made me hate mine. you don’t understand i really would if i could but i know what honey tastes like when it’s gone bad and i’ve been on the shore while the tide has pulled away. you’re sweet but you’ll turn and you’re here but you’ll leave.

- this isn’t a poem it’s a cry for help.

- alvt ( @youurstruly )

[youurstruly]

i want to look up at you and ask you if you love me. and when you say no i want you to do exactly what you were going to do to me. i want to be broken by you. i want to turn this into poetry even when all it is, is pain.

- alvt ( @youurstruly )

[youurstruly]

too bad we didn’t rhyme

You’ll always be my favorite poem.

- alvt ( @youurstruly )

six word confession

[youurstruly]

The sun shines softly through the window of my eyes. It spells your name in empty hallways and echos your goodbyes. The wind beats slowly against my ice cold skin, grabs my hand, pulls me to places we have been. The rain will clean me soon and the rivers will put my heart together. You should know by now this isn’t really about the weather.

@youurstruly

[youurstruly]

Lick my lips, dip my fingers in sugar. “It’s sad you were such a waste-“ I think, crossed legs dripping with honey you will never taste.

- alvt ( @youurstruly )

[youurstruly]

I love when the sunshine is resting on your lashes and you smell like ocean.

I fall in love with weekend you

-alvt ( @youurstruly )