whatifeelitmeans2bealive

[whatifeelitmeans2bealive]

My new piece on the wall done by Alan Zinn aka Sheet Music Art on FB. I'm proud of it and what it means to me. I am aware this is not Lateralus era Maynard but there's something to be said about spiraling back to the beginning.

[whatifeelitmeans2bealive]

[whatifeelitmeans2bealive]

This was something that my GOVERNMENT teacher of all people went over with us back in high school. I feel like I’m somewhere between Aesthetic Needs and Self-Actualization 

[whatifeelitmeans2bealive]

[whatifeelitmeans2bealive]

What is your truth?

[whatifeelitmeans2bealive]

I've been able to see these lately before I saw this. It worries me.

[whatifeelitmeans2bealive]

Yo. What if consciousness is a planetary infection and we are feeding the overlords information on this planet. But now we're questioning it because of generation disconnect. Happy New Year whoooo

[whatifeelitmeans2bealive]

Growing up I was always told that a conversation or debate had it's own kinda "space"or zone I guess.

Where things weren't taken personally AND no one talked shit, but instead truly outwitting or convincing or simply "agreeing-to-disagree" with the other person. All the while "trying" to come to some kind of understanding between two minds.

Is this really an outdated concept? Do I need an update?

People get really upset when I ask this because they tell me I'm trying to control the conversation...it just messes me up after a while

[whatifeelitmeans2bealive]

Self explanatory. If you read I hope you like it, I haven’t touched this in years.

[whatifeelitmeans2bealive]

Its been a while

Its just a matter of time before it all comes crashing down. Nothing to do but sit alone, nothing moves nothing speaks between the sound. I’ve come to pray the darkest days fade to grey, now join the 2 and say again:

“I am happy, I am content, I am not just a twisted little gear...”

[whatifeelitmeans2bealive]

"We communicate in memes because we've forgotten how to speak to one another properly."

[whatifeelitmeans2bealive]

I’ve Heard That Somewhere Before

In one of my other posts I mentioned that my friends and I heard something on Lateralus that gave me the chills in particular. At the end of Lateralus there is this fucking noise that leads to an almost 20 year old radio broadcast.

The words are almost inaudible to the naked ear. I will tell you for a fact that I heard that radio transmission on Coast to Coast AM when I was a kid. 

Way back when being as young as I was it terrified me, later I convinced myself that it was the bi-product of a nightmare or hearing something that wasn’t entirely real. 

Fast forward to 2017, and there it was again buried in the sound, a long forgotten haunting memory filled my mind. I was taken back to who I was at that time and everything That had happened since that day. Then I began to pay attention to what he was actually saying, which terrified me even worse. The only thing that I can tell you is that the track is called “Faaid de Oiad” ----Voice of God.

Give it a listen and come back and tell me what you think

[whatifeelitmeans2bealive]

So I've been listening to a lot of 90s music. I mean the full records too. This man here taught me to focus my now passive anger toward better things than violence. Music education, music analytics and opening a venue in my hometown are just a few of the things I will do starting now.

I don't do politics because both sides have glaring faults. We do need to stand together as a people of the human race not just the USA.

Zack de la Rocha dedicating Fistful of Steel to women.

[whatifeelitmeans2bealive]

And for a brief moment we forgot the hate and turned our eyes, minds and hearts to the sky above us.

[whatifeelitmeans2bealive]

I only found out about this man earlier this year. Least to say it was great to see that someone with the same mindset as I (more or less lol) had made it to a place of such influence. The things he was saying, it seemed no one quite grasped the concepts but it was still funny to them on their respective levels. Which is not a bad thing. What an ability to hit almost all the levels of comedy and understanding. I'm not going to even go into the Maynard connections.

[whatifeelitmeans2bealive]

See - saw on the stage

How is one to react when presented with his or her timely or untimely, possibly or not quite possible demise? This seesaw of what is real and what is a lie. What is real and what is politics What is real and what what never there to begin with. If I face my end via nuclear war/winter then so be it. I regret nothing.

[whatifeelitmeans2bealive]

Updates

Since I originally began this page as a basically a journal of experiences and thoughts in the hopes of indirectly identifying with others who feel the same even if its only a sixteenth of what I say that they agree on. 

As an update today is a day that I would have normally been pretty pissed given the circumstances: 

(having to wake up at 4am for work, then being told that the shift was cancelled when I got all the way over there, at that I’ll have to return at 6pm, and not being able to sleep again, along with familial issues and worries of the future) 

instead I’m having a great day. I had thought about how I normally would have been pissed and I could almost feel myself getting angry on the inside. Just a little bit, but it amounted to nothing. Now I’m chilling out listening to records and planning my next hours, when all of a sudden I got wind that I was receiving a batch of records that I had ordered today instead of next Wednesday. 

I guess it’s all what you focus on but I really don’t know. I like to think music (Tool) faced me in the right direction and it was still my choice to take the step but even then I’m not sure. I feel like this is who I was always meant to be and I sort of picked up whenever it was that I left off.

Now I’m not comparing my life to anyone else’s here and truthfully I don’t think about others unless they give me reason to, friends, certain family members etc. but I will never turn a deaf here to those suffering that I can help immediately. I am no hapless bystander.