w-ht-w

[w-ht-w]

non-verbal communication & genetics

Non-verbal cues include: facial expressions, gestures, body language, eye contact, appearance

"individuals with a higher genetic inclination toward emotional intelligence or empathy may be more adept at recognizing subtle non-verbal cues, leading to better social interaction and understanding. ... Additionally, [serotonin], which affects mood regulation and social anxiety, can influence how comfortable individuals feel in social situations, affecting their non-verbal expressiveness." (1)

"In order to achieve competency in social interaction, we need to have social cognition, social motivation, social awareness, and skills in maintaining relationship with others. ... oxytocin (OXT) [and the the OXT receptor (OXTR)] plays a central role in many aspects of social behavior," (x) "The oxytocin receptor gene (OXTR) has been linked to social bonding, emotional recognition, and the interpretation of non-verbal cues"

GenomeLink report

[w-ht-w]

Among four twin studies examined in 2003, the mean percentage for genetic influence for each of the Big 5 personality traits:

openness to experience: 57%

extraversion: 54%

conscientiousness: 49%

neuroticism: 48%

agreeableness: 42% - Wikipedia, Big Five personality traits

[w-ht-w]

Accurate.

Can u explain the ENFP Te bitch slap please?

You know, Personality Growth  already did such an amazing job at this, that I will just share article: 

What Is the ENFP Te Bitch Slap?

The ENFP Te Bitch Slap is an outward attack towards another person. This attack is made using facts and logic that the ENFP has collected in their mind. They have come to the realization that someone has wronged them intensely, often emotionally wounding or hurting the ENFP will cause this to occur. This can also occur when the ENFP sees that someone has hurt or wronged another person. The ENFP is using a rather strong sense of righteous indignation to fuel their attack on another person. This is often done to ward off further hurt for the ENFP, as a means to making this person realize they were wrong. The ENFP is bypassing their emotional connection to this person and is no longer sensitive to their feelings in that moment. They internally feel like their attacker has done something deeply wrong, causing the ENFP to attempt to make this evident to the other person. They use their collected facts and information as a way of tearing down the other person’s argument. They will bring up as many facts as are necessary so that they can prove this person entirely wrong. The ENFP will aggressively and straightforwardly tear apart this person’s argument, finding ways to show them that they are wrong.

This sometimes occurs when someone has outright hurt the ENFP, or when another person has crossed a line. The ENFP may attempt to draw clear lines for people, but when they continue to cross them they will definitely use the Bitch Slap method on this person. The ENFP feels like this is a necessary way to get their point across, especially when they feel like someone is not hearing them clearly. This is often a way of forcing others to respect the ENFP, when they feel like they aren’t properly doing so. They are caring and giving individuals, but they become frustrated when people are crossing lines continuously. Even though the ENFP is a positive and affectionate individual, they are capable of becoming angry. They dislike when people are doing something that they deem as wrong, especially when someone is blatantly being disrespected. The ENFP often believes that their Te Bitch Slap reaction is a necessary way to make this disrespect end.

The ENFP has essentially perceived a wrongdoing and uses their sense of Te logic to make this known to the person doing said wrong. They feel as though teaching this lesson is extremely important, so they take matters into their own hands. When the ENFP is preparing their attack, they feel like it is the right thing to do. They definitely believe that it is very necessary to express their anger and give specific reasons why they feel this way. The ENFP often delivers their speech in excruciating detail, with cataloged facts and information.

What Does The ENFP Te Bitch Slap Look Like?

How to recognize the ENFP Bitch Slap is rather simple, since it is very unusual for the ENFP to act this way. They become very clear in their anger towards someone, and it can be rather frightening to witness. The normally bubbly and considerate ENFP, no longer cares about hurting someone else’s feelings in that moment. They will probably feel intensely guilty when the bitch slap is over, but in that moment they feel like it has to be done. They are essentially righting a wrong that has been done to them and the ENFP feels that this is necessary. This is a rather shocking explosion of logic driven anger that causes the ENFP to look much like an exploding volcano.

The reason that this Bitch Slap can be rather painful for others, is because it can be rather accurate. The ENFP is capable of remembering things that will probably cause the other person to feel completely exposed. The ENFP has cataloged information that can very easily leave the other person feeling frustrated and upset. Their Te attack often exposes information that will cause the other person to become very upset and hurt. They will most certainly hear what the ENFP has to say, since they have given them no choice. The ENFP understands people very well, making them capable of using this against others. They know exactly what to say to emotionally affect someone easily. This causes their words to cut likes knives, making the other person feel momentarily shocked and upset. The ENFP will also use information to make the other person understand that they have crossed a line. The ENFP is hoping that this will prevent the wrong doing from happening in the future. This is an onslaught of factual attacks, using information and data to explain why the other person is wrong. The ENFP is no longer using their emotions or considerate self to communicate, but is rather using data only. Their delivery is often lacking emotional connection, attempting to deliver it in a dispassionate manner. This is an often harsh critique of the other person, which can appear very cold and hurtful.

The Aftermath

Since the ENFPs actions often escalate to a full on attack against the other persons moral character, they often feel very guilty afterwards. In the moment the ENFP perceived a wrongdoing that they needed to rectify somehow. They go into a complete mode of tearing down the other person so that they can show them what they have done was wrong. The ENFP can be so zoned into what they are doing, that they often regret it afterwards. The ENFP may still believe that the other person was wrong, but they feel bad for how they delivered their explanation of the wrongdoing. The ENFP will often apologize a few days later, when they are back to their usual selves. They want the person to realize that they were upset, but that they didn’t mean to hurt them because of it. ENFPs do care deeply about people, so they often feel bad about their harsh delivery in the moment.

People often expect the ENFP to still be angry afterwards, but they often are not. They have already done what they believed was right, and have expressed their anger towards the other person. The ENFP doesn’t feel the need to hold a grudge over what happened, feeling like it has already been rectified. This Bitch Slap is often truly over once it ends and the ENFP is capable of moving on from it. They simply wanted to make sure that the other person understood that what they did was wrong.

[w-ht-w]

do NOT use Enneagram as the basis for compatibility (x)

"I get it — relationships are freakin hard already, and people wanna know which combos got the best shot in making it through the rocky terrain to arrive at the luscious promised land of intimacy.

But I hate to break it to ya—it's NOT about which Enneagram types are compatible with each other, but more about how much personal work each person has done. It's about how healthy and nonreactive, and wise both parties can be, rather than what personalities they are.

Each combination can be REALLY GOOD and REALLY BAD and everything in between, depending on how much each person has worked to grow BEYOND their Enneagram type.

(By the way,

the word "compatibility" literally means "com" (with) + "pati" (pain) + ability = the ability to struggle together.

If that's the definition being used, then, yes, all 9 types can be compatible with each other.)

The Enneagram speaks to 9 different ways people cope with and navigate through life. Each person's type is their own "autopilot mode" of thinking, feeling, and doing as a way of dealing with stress. Our autopilot survival skills have helped us move through vulnerable times in our lives, especially in childhood (when we really couldn't control a lot of our experiences).

Our Enneagram types tell us what path of inner work we have. Unlike how the Enneagram is used nowadays (in pigeonholing people and trying to find what type of holiday gift to get each type), it was originally intended on revealing to us our blindspots and shadows in how we get ourselves stuck (and pull others into our muck in the process). We were all meant to grow beyond our coping skills.

So Who do I date?

The simple answer? Anyone who's willing to do their personal work, so as long as you are also willing to do yours.

Doesn't matter what Enneagram type y'all are - that just shows some details about how your respective autopilots show up and interact with each other. If both of y'all are doing the work and become more flexible and grounded (instead of constantly triggering each other), y'all will do just fine.

As long as each person in the relationship is willing to:

learn about their own respective autopilot patterns,

acknowledge that they have blindspots and flaws,

and take personal responsibility to work out of reactivity,

then ALL combinations of types have a fantastic chance of having a phenomenal relationship - romantic, platonic, familial, professional, or otherwise.

Remember the true definition of compatibility? Learn how to STRUGGLE TOGETHER so that you can experience true intimacy. It's not all pain and no gain - it's through the hard work of waking up out of reactivity that y'all can truly BE PRESENT to ENJOY each other's company to the fullest."

[w-ht-w]

Enneagram Types in Therapy: what they think they need, vs. what they actually need (x)

Enneagram Type 1 (The Improver)

What they think they need

How to be good or better, because they're frustrated with how they/things are now.

How to get over anger, resentment, and bitterness.

How to deal with anxiety.

What they actually need 

How to recognize that what's nonideal/imperfect can still be good & worthy.

How to be more "bad" - messy, imperfect, irresponsible, childish.

How to allow things to be as they are, however they are.

Enneagram Type 2 (The Befriender)

What they think they need

How to improve relationships.

How to help other people.

How to not be so emotional.

What they actually need 

How to see that relationships can actually cost them.

How to recognize that their own feelings are their allies.

How to meet some of their own needs themselves, rather than indirectly through other people.

How to learn to be in and enjoy solitude - connect with themselves first and foremost.

Enneagram Type 3 (The Performer)

Often choose coaching over therapy (who has time for feelings??)

What they think they need

How to seem like they have their shit together.

How to deal with their emotions efficiently.

How to "level up" so they can be more effective at what they do.

What they actually need 

To slow down and catch up with their own heart.

To see themselves (and others) beyond what they do.

To find out who they actually are & what they actually want.

Enneagram Type 4 (The Individualist)

What they think they need

How to resolve the past that made them who they are today.

How to navigate relationships with people who just don't get them.

How to not self-sabotage their endeavors. 

What they actually need 

How to not stay stuck in the past (or future) ((or fantasy) but live in the present.

How to recognize that they create/embellish their own suffering.

How to see the good and enoughness in themselves.

Enneagram Type 5 (The Observer)

Often don't show up unless dragged into couples therapy

What they think they need

To not be in therapy because the partner's the one with the problem.

How to "figure out" feelings.

How to deal with the existential dread of feeling like they're running out of time.

What they actually need 

How to recognize that they actually have more energy and resources than they think they do.

How to see other people as opportunities to get their needs met, not intruders.

How to live life outside of their head and more in their heart & body.

Enneagram Type 6 (The Questionner)

What they think they need

How to deal with work stress - procrastination, anxiety, perfectionism, imposter syndrome, etc.

How to deal with relationships with close people.

How to not be so stuck.

What they actually need 

How to acknowledge just how much fear & anxiety drives them.

How to recognize their own strengths and authority, rather than seeing them in others.

How to rest and relax their mind and body in the present.

Enneagram Type 7 (The Enthusiast)

Often don't show up unless dragged into couples therapy

What they think they need

How to wiggle their way out of therapy ASAP.

How to charm the therapist so they don't have to talk about hard things.

How to maximize fun and enjoyment in life.

What they actually need 

How to see that their avoidance of limits itself is what's actually keeping them trapped.

How to see order, routines, and commitments as actually making enjoyment possible.

How to recognize negative feelings actually make life richer.

Enneagram Type 8 (The Challenger)

Often don't show up unless in couples therapy

What they think they need

Nothing. They're fine. Clearly the other person is the problem.

What they actually need 

How to see their actual impact on their life, work, and relationships.

How to see their avoidance of weakness/vulnerability is what's creating situations where they're actually powerless (e.g., a breakup).

How to allow themselves to be the one protected and comforted.

Enneagram Type 9 (The Peacemaker)

What they think they need

How to deal with relationship stress.

How to deal with work stress - procrastination, not implementing their goals.

It's too much work to think about myself and what I need. I just don't like what's happening now.

What they actually need 

How to reconnect with and befriend their anger as a source of energy.

How to individuate themselves from others instead of merging.

How to take the next right step to identify and push forward their own agendas.

[w-ht-w]

All the takes are correct and yet they also miss the point. Yes, it was insane for the Democrats to think they could win by running a soulless candidate, without a shred of progressive policy vision, pursuing endorsements from neocon war-hawks everybody hates, while arming and funding a genocide, and belittling and crushing those who have enough morality to protest it. It is enraging that the Democrats are so smug and blind to this. But these are all just symptoms. The deeper reality is that liberalism has failed, liberalism is dead, and people urgently need to wake up to this fact and respond accordingly. It is a defunct ideology that cannot offer any meaningful solutions to our social and ecological crises and it must be abandoned. Democrats have proven over and over again that they cannot accept even basic steps like public healthcare, affordable housing, and a public job guarantee - things that would dramatically improve the material, social and political conditions of the working classes. And they cannot accept a public finance strategy that would steer production away from fossil fuels and toward green transition to give us a shot at a liveable future. Why? Because these things run against the objectives of capital accumulation. And for liberals capital is sacrosanct. They will do whatever it takes to ensure elite accumulation, it is their only consistent commitment. At home, they suppress and demonize progressive and socialist tendencies. Abroad, they engage in endless wars and violence to suppress input prices in the global South and prevent any possibility of sovereign economic development. The Democrats have done all this purposefully and knowingly, for my whole life, not as some kind of "mistake" but in full consciousness that it is in the interests of capital. And because liberalism cannot address our crises, and because it crushes socialist alternatives, it inevitably paves the way for right-wing populism. They know this pattern, and yet they risk it every time - this election being only the most recent example. They did it in 2016, when they actively crushed the Sanders campaign and sent Trump to the White House. They do it because ultimately they (and I mean the liberal ruling class here) don't really mind if fascists take power, so long as the latter too ensure the conditions for capital accumulation. They 100% prefer this to the possibility of a socialist alternative. So, progressives have to face reality. The dream of "converting" the Democratic party is dead. This is now a fact and it must be accepted. The only option is to build a mass-based movement that can reclaim the working classes and mobilize a political vehicle that can integrate disparate progressive struggles into a unified and formidable political force and achieve substantive transformation. This will take real work, actual organizing, but it must be done and that process must begin now.

Jason Hickel

[w-ht-w]

I know writers who take the time to edit their rants before publishing them, and they're all cowards. Fresh off the print, here's my longform view on some of the major takeaways from this presidential election

Shortened, my argument is:

Inflation is the primary explanation for Trump's victory

Joe Biden's initial insistence on running is also important

Third party and write-in voters did not decide this election

The Democrats should stop taking voters of color for granted

"Never Trump Republicans" are not a real voting bloc

[w-ht-w]

Enneagram 4 in growth and stress

"As a 4, your core desire comes from the fear that if you aren’t unique, people will forget about you. Going with the masses and hiding your emotions don’t come naturally to you.

In stress, enneagram 4 takes on the negative traits of enneagram 2, The Helper.

While helping others is a kind act and can be fulfilling, an enneagram 4 in stress does so from a place of insecurity; they serve because they believe they aren’t wanted for who they are.

Enneagram 4s are meant to [use] their power of emotional expression to inspire others to express themselves too. But an enneagram 4 in stress gets the feeling that who they are will not be accepted and so they choose to hide who they are and self-sacrifice to satisfy others.

Type 4’s core desire is to express themselves and be understood, whether that comes in the form of poetry, aesthetic boards, outfits, music, work, or talking to a loved one. When they feel that they are going to be judged, type 4 goes into their selflessness ... and ignoring themselves.

[In growth], the emotionally deep and expressive type 4 embraces impartiality, order, and, most importantly, values. [They] learn what they value in themselves, others, and the world and unapologetically aligns with them.

[The 4 in growth will simply] choose.

[They] will choose what they want to feel in a situation, rather than being overwhelmed by their strong feelings.

They choose who they want to be rather than what seems to be acceptable in their social groups.

The 4 chooses everything they want in their life instead of feeling [bound by judgment or expectations.]

Type 4s are a great inspiration to the world, [but they must] transcend their heavy feelings of shame [in order to] embody their authenticity. They learn to follow their gut like the type 1s to make the best use of their expression.

[In growth], 4s learn to see life through a lens of clear judgment and neutrality.

Signs of a healthy, growing 4:

unapologetically authentic and fearlessly expressive

pursuing dreams

able to feel emotions then let them go

feeling a sense of gratitude and control over your life

doesn't make excuses

feeling of belonging and genuine acceptance in friend groups

joy and freedom

able to plan and organize successfully

not feeling stuck in your head

embracing the little things

resilience 

self-awareness and understanding

While the Enneagram 4 growth is about being organized, the deeper part of the Individualists’ growth is about learning to balance the scales of life and become stable.

The core of type 4 growth means learning that you should pay attention to your emotions and that feeling your feelings is a gift, but your emotions aren’t you, they are a part of you. ... you are your desires, your ideas, your values, your actions, and so much more.

While you should recognize how you feel, don’t let your emotions control everything you do. Actively seek balance in your emotions and intellect.

A healthy 4 learns to recognize when they are feeling pulled into those familiar sad emotions and say “Okay, I recognize how I feel right now. I understand why I feel this way and I know that feeling this way is okay. But how do I want to feel? What do I truly desire? And what value will I uphold myself to?"

Try recognizing any time you start utilizing a “victim mentality” as an excuse to feel down or cope with feeling stuck in life.

Type 4 can embrace their growth by gratitude journaling, repeating worthiness affirmations, defining their values, setting life goals, and then setting intentions for their day based on those goals.

Permit yourself to leave what is heavy behind.

When you are in your stress and forgoing your sense of self, ask yourself “What would I do if I believed I was worthy no matter what? How can I script a more positive present and future?” (x)

[w-ht-w]

Growing & Healthy Enneagram 4

"Find a therapist, one that does NOT coddle you. You need tough love. No attachment, strong boundaries. You need a model of strength and discipline.

Release anger. 4's have a boatload of it. You've probably imagined and fantasized about doing crazy stuff...take a minute and look back on what hurt you. Deal with the hurt by releasing the anger. Your therapist will tell you how.

Establish routine. There is beauty in routine. There is depth in discipline.

Cut out relationships that emotionally enable you. You are always going to default to emotion, so you don't need enablers. You need tough, direct feedback, people who won't take your shit and who will support you with truth. You need to find strength, so go to where it is.

WATCH OUT FOR ENVY. You need nothing that others have and you have everything you need. Period.

You can do this. Your mind will give you outs...those are the enemy. Fight every urge to succumb to the thoughts that life is too hard, too overwhelming, "too beautiful and complex and horrible and wonderful for me to possibly deal with" and do some basic shit. Pay your bills. Open your mail. Make your bed. Work out. Wake up at the same time. Meditate. This is true self support. You got this." (x)

I think a lot of it depends on the type of 4 you are. My husband is a 4 who has a strong So component (relating to others/the group). When he's depressed, he tends to withdraw and isolate and make himself worse. ... In essence, I think having a positive connection to others and being part of something valuable where you feel significant (even as a big fish in little pond as opposed to the big fish big pond that so many 4s dream of) seems to be really healthy for some 4s. ...  I ended up being a little fish in a big pond wanting to be the big fish and it definitely negatively affected my mental health. I ended up moving across the country to a small rural town and being the big fish in this little pond has given me the confidence and emotional positivity to really develop and grow into a stable big fish who can swim in bigger ponds. ... maybe ... being able to shine in a little pond when the pressure and expectations are low will give him the confidence and positivity he needs to really grow and pursue his full potential. (x)

"Personally, I found dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT) did absolute wonders for me. (A combination of teaching methods of emotional regulation/ mindfulness/ distress tolerance and interpersonal effectiveness). It enabled me to actually understand the 'why's' behind why I was doing things, and understanding a lot of shame that I had to unearth and start to deal with. I experienced something very similar to you- I was AWARE of what I was doing but I didn't have the tools to be able to help myself, that's where professional help and DBT came in for me (and an incredibly good friend who kept me accountable).

Allow yourself to sit in self pity for a while when those moments come, feel the feelings, but then pick yourself up and wade forward. Don't sit there too long as the water goes stagnant and us 4's need to physically MOVE to feel more grounded, get up, walk around, go for a run, go swimming, but get out of your head and into the physical world, nature helps a lot." (x)

"Get off social media. Like delete your accounts and everything. This helped me so immensely because I suddenly was able to control the envy to a much greater degree and begin to understand and be thankful for what I had and who I was rather than comparing myself to others and only seeing what was lacking.

Exercise or at least regularly move your body. As a 4 who has spiraled quite a few times, staying active and moving around helps get me out of my head and into the real world around me. I go on a lot of walks which help bring me back to almost a child-like state of wonder - this gets my creativity flowing and allows me to work on projects that I have always wanted to.

See a therapist who specializes in CBT - I see a psychologist rather than a mental health counselor. It can be a little pricier than a normal therapist but I have seen results much quicker than previous therapists I have had. Either way it will help you dig through some of the noise that blocks you from feeling emotional equanimity.

Pursue creative interests even when you don't feel like it or feel inspired. Do it not to show it off but to show yourself what you are feeling. Do it because you are worthy of creating just for yourself.

Get plenty of sleep. ... Greatly improved my all around health.

Surround yourself with people who allow you to be you but also don't keep you around as a novelty item. Surround yourself with people who tell you hard truths in love and safety. Remove all toxic relationships that cause you to deteriorate towards unhealthy 2 tendencies.

Keep a journal to sort out your thoughts and feelings and read back over the past week each week." (x)

"Connect with at least one person to the max.

Any time I get to teach people in a professional setting, I feel that the world is bigger than my emotions and I can make a difference in people's lives.

Keep busy, stop fantasizing and talking to yourself." (x)

[w-ht-w]

"two of the most prominent categories of open data are 1) research and science, and 2) government and civic data.

civic data ... is information that describes our communities. ... [produced by community-based organizations such as governmental organizations, but also non-profits, civic institutions (like libraries)]. Data created by or about individuals are also in scope; such data can powerfully represent alternative perspectives and stories. Sometimes law or policy requires that certain civic data be open to the public. However, not all civic data is open data. Sometimes that's because of the need to legitimately protect privacy or confidential information. Other times, data owners don't have sufficient resources required to prepare, describe, and publish the data in a usable format." (x)

[w-ht-w]

"Python is far and away the more popular language across the broader tech community.  (x)

Python is better for...

Handling massive amounts of data

Building deep learning models

Performing non-statistical tasks, like web scraping, saving to databases, and running workflows

"If ... you’re interested in becoming a data scientist and working with big data, artificial intelligence, and deep learning algorithms, Python would be the better fit. 

[or] your personal or professional interests extend beyond data and into programming, development, or other computer science fields. Python is a general-purpose language used for a much wider range of tasks than R."

R is better for...

Creating graphics and data visualizations

Building statistical models

Its robust ecosystem of statistical packages

"If you’re passionate about the statistical calculation and data visualization portions of data analysis, R could be a good fit for you."

[w-ht-w]

Identifying as an ambivert is liberating (x)

"This ability to oscillate between what is clearly introversion and what is as clearly extraversion, to find values of life frequently in each phase of activity, is what I have called ambiversion.

labels are helpful as a springboard for self-examination but they can hold us back from going deeper about how we really feel. ... "We look for answers sometimes outside of ourselves when we can't find them within ourselves."

labels can become a comfort blanket that can stop us from challenging ourselves. "Thinking about how we feel in social situations or how we feel about our confidence is more work than just sticking a label on ourselves, which can be a form of avoidance,"

The belief that I’m an ambivert means I can’t make decisions based on being an introvert or an extrovert so I have to perform an assessment each time I want to do something and make a call based on how I believe it will or won’t serve me. ... it would be better to let go of labels and ask ourselves instead if something will nourish us. "If it won’t, then choosing not to do it becomes a choice rather than an imposed idea about ourselves."

"If we’re able to work through challenges more deeply, people would find that they had access to all components, the extrovert and the introvert parts, when they wanted to."

I’ll forever love a personality test as a gateway to growth but

there’s a power to be found in letting go of labels and seeing them instead as a launchpad for enquiry rather than our defining features."

[w-ht-w]

meta-emotions (x)

Meta-emotion: subsequent emotions regarding how we experienced the primary emotion. ... much of the literature regarding meta-emotion has focused on how parental meta-emotion affects the social-emotional development of their children.

Emotion-coaching philosophy

Parents who follow an emotion-coaching philosophy tend to be aware of their emotions and the emotions of others. They are able to talk about these emotions and help their children understand and express their emotions, particularly sadness and anger.

The parent is aware of the child's emotion.

The parent sees the child's emotion as an opportunity for intimacy or teaching.

The parent helps the child to verbally label the emotions the child is having.

The parent empathizes with or validates the child's emotion.

The parent helps the child to problem solve

Dismissive philosophy

Parents with a dismissing meta-emotion philosophy feel as though their child's anger or sadness could be harmful to their child, that their primary job is to alleviate these harmful emotions as quickly as possible, and that their child should know that these negative emotions will not last. Although parents with a dismissing philosophy may be sensitive to their child's emotions and truly want to be helpful, these parents believe that ignoring or denying negative emotions is the best approach to helping their children. Parents with a dismissing meta-emotion philosophy are often unable to provide insight into their child's emotions and do not view negative emotions as an opportunity for growth or intimacy. ... may attempt to distract the child or belittle the causes of the negative emotions.

Disapproving philosophy

These parents reprimand their children for any type of emotional expression, even if the child's actions are appropriate. As a result, these children start to view their emotions as inappropriate and invalid, and have a difficult time with emotion regulation. For disapproving parents, negative emotions require a disciplinary response. Some disapproving parents may view their child's negative emotions as a means by which the child is attempting to manipulate or control the parent.

[w-ht-w]

My personal way of separating the types

SUBMITTED by Steve

Since the MBTI system has been in place, there’s been the unavoidable “classifications” of the 16 types. The most widely accepted one is the temperaments (NT, NF, SJ, SP) It works, but definitely has its flaws. Like, do ISTJs and ESFJs really have THAT much in common other than being law-abiding citizens guided by stability? If so, then why aren’t INTJs and ENFJs pitted in the same category? My favorite personal way is the “Pi/Pe/Je/Ji-Dom’’ system. I find that the personality types within these groups tend to operate on a day to day basis more similarly and display more similar behavior. For those who never heard of it, it goes something like this: Perceiving dominants (IxxJ, ExxJ, IxxP, ExxP). The judgment functions then become secondary (Thinking and feeling). So I thought I would summarize them each with their own nifty little title. Disclaimer: This is just my opinion, not gospel, so go ahead and criticize.

Pi-Doms (ISTJ, ISFJ, INTJ, INFJ): The soldiers

-Pi-Doms’ name of their game is ’‘stability”. Their Dominant function absorbs information subjectively and constantly wonders what is the safest route to make it through this life. ISxJs will use their personal experience and compare it when faced with anything new, INxJs will analyze what is beneath the surface of what they are seeing and set their sails for the best path accordingly.

- Their auxiliary function becomes their tool in making their way into this world. IxFJs will tap into the social atmosphere and easily fit in society, even helping their fellow men. While IxTJs will look at the world wondering what is objectively the best course of action in making things happen. 

- Their tertiary function is how they make their personal judgement of things. IxFJs will analyze what makes sense to them objectively, while IxTJ will ponder about their inner motivation and what personally matters to them.

-Their inferior function is a danger zone where they feel everything will spiral downward really fast if they tap into it. ISxJs worry that every new event will lead to disaster and have a hard time dealing with the unexpected, whereas INxJs find the real, immediate sensory world to be somewhat unreliable and dangerous.

Pe-Doms (ESFP, ESTP, ENFP, ENTP): The livewires

-Simply put, Pe-Doms are like letting a kid loose at the zoo, amusement park or toy store and telling them they have “carte blanche” for 24 hours. So of course they will try to squeeze in everything they can during that time period, metaphorically pulling on every lever in sight to see what will happen. 

- Their auxiliary function serves as judgement to decide what they put priority in; emotional matters (ESFP, ENFP) or technical matters (ESTP, ENTP).

- Their tertiary function helps them not to get too carried away with things. ESFPs and ENFPs will wonder what is the best logical course of action (Te) while ESTPs and ENTPs will remind themselves that they belong to a social system and other people matter.

- Their inferior function is like a parent nagging at them, in other words, it breaks their fun. For ENTPs and ENFPs Si is like Mom reminding you to take your sweater outside because it’s cold, even if you don’t want to. While ESTPs and ESFPs, have their Ni dads reminding them to check both sides of the street before crossing it. 

Je-Doms (ESTJ, ESFJ, ENTJ, ENFJ):The leaders

- Je-Doms’ first priority is organization, whether it be people or things. They thus, “attack” the world aggressively which can make them overbearing at times, but in reality they are the pillars of this society. They all evaluate what needs to be done effortlessly and make it happen.

- Their auxiliary function serves as to what route they want to make this happen with ESTJs and ESFJs preferring their personal experience and what has been known to work, whereas ENTJs and ENFJs prefer to focus on the unknown and forge a path to safety. 

- Their tertiary function is better known as the “fun” function. It allows them to let loose and throw their cares away, which they desperately need after all this focus on leading. ESTJs and ESFJs will want to explore new interests in life whereas ENTJs and ENFJs will just…..give in to what they want to do now. But in both cases, they did their homework, and most likely deserve it.

-Their inferior function represents a repressed child crying for help. For ESTJs and ENTJs they have to remind themselves what they emotionally want whereas for ESFJs and ENFJs, they have to learn to take a step back and objectively analyze what’s going, disregarding how they feel about it. 

Ji-Doms (ISTP, ISFP, INTP, INFP): The nomads

- Ji-Doms are all about one thing: Their personal needs and expression of said needs. They focus mostly on their individuality regardless if it fits within the social mold. IxFPs judge things on what makes sense to their inner values, and IxTPs judge things on what just……..makes sense, period. 

- Their auxiliary function allows them to express themselves. ISxPs are more visceral and what to experience life first hand on their own terms. They have a tendency towards a “flashy” appearance (i.e. tattoos, latest designer clothes) INxPs however, have a penchant for a more provocative, upbeat appearance (Purple hair? Why not? It’ll get people guessing���)

- Their tertiary function is really interesting. It makes them take pause and ponder about the deeper implication of things (ISxPs) or remember what has always mattered to them (INxPs). In both cases, it serves as a “safety” zone.

- The inferior function is what all Ji-Doms seem to rebel against. IxFPs find that Te is suffocating and destroys their individuality and freedom whereas IxTPs find that Fe forces them into being someone that they are not. 

[w-ht-w]

Help ESTPs avoid being toxic

"you can’t list out to an ESTP everything that they did wrong and label them a piece of crap ... You got to tell him like, "you were good/great at this [or that] particular time" ... remind them of the times they have been good ... show them that they have the potential for being good, because they’ve already established the precedent in the past,

[This] requires that you have personal experience with them to be able to cite, ... you have to cite [the] times that you’ve seen them behave good and good to you. And they will rise to the occasion. 

[Talk] about other people’s success. And [tell] them how they too can be successful if they mirror those other successful people in your life in your past. And then all of a sudden, [to the ESTP] it’s like, "Oh, dang, I actually have a path and a plan to move forward." Because ESTPs [have a hard time planning] anything. ESTPs [can be] clueless AF.

if you’re at this desperate point where you’re about to walk out on them, start comparing them to people who have been successful with you in the past, ... That way, the ESTP can copy that behavior with you ... they have a plan, ... if I just do these things, then I’ll be successful too. And then the natural artisan creativity will come out and they’ll actually improve upon those experiences and give something better to you.

You just have to make sure that as an Si user, [you're not afraid] to share that information with the ESTP. Even if you have to go into the gory details [of your experiences with other people/situations.]

You have to help outline a plan based on past good experiences, happy memories that you’ve had.

What they want ... is intimacy. And you are giving them the roadmap"

ENFj and ESTp activity relations (SLE-EIE)

"the ENFj woman will admire the ESTp man's pushiness and energy while rolling her eyes at his relative lack of understanding of the effect it has on others. The ESTp will probably like the ENFj woman while wishing she'd be more willing to go along with his impulses when he wants to do something." (x)

[w-ht-w]

"The friendship will likely grow deep fairly easily as long as the INFJ is willing to open up and the ENFP is willing to take things slowly.

easy for an ENFP to “overdo it” by being too wild and unpredictable. Still, as long as the ENFP can tone it down so that the INFJ can keep up, and as long as the ENFP does not cause tension in a group (which is extremely likely to make INFJs uncomfortable), the INFJ will probably find the behavior endearing and funny. From my experience, it is difficult to annoy an INFJ unless one is causing group tension or (as with any introvert) refusing to give them personal space

The best way to prevent conflict in this kind of friendship is with direct communication.

the INFJ can buck up and explicitly tell the ENFP “Hey, I really do like you and want to be friends, but I need a little bit of space since I am a little bit uncomfortable with how fast we are taking this.” On the other hand,the ENFP can explicitly ask the INFJ “Am I making you uncomfortable? Do you need some space? I won’t mind if you do.” when the INFJ starts to withdraw or appear uncomfortable."

What would an ENFP/INFJ friendship be like?

Disclaimer: Most ofthis is based on my experience and, as such, may not be very generalizable tothe population.

They are likely to hit it off very well and to become closefriends fairly easily, with potential for significant conflict down the roaddue to communication issues. Both of them are likely to have a warm demeanorand welcome new friendships, although they are friendly in different ways.

ENFPs are stereotyped as being extremely open and positive,sharing their excitement with everyone—for instance, consider Dory from FindingNemo, Anna from Frozen, Mabel Pines from Gravity Falls, Ariel from the LittleMermaid, and Spongebob Squarepants. Although real ENFPs are not as extreme astheir stereotypes, they are one of the most expressive and warm types alongsideE_FJs and ESFPs. While E_FJs are likely to be friendly in more sociallyacceptable, all-inclusive ways that maintain group harmony, E_FPs tend to bemore impulsive and less concerned with the attitude of the group. When it comesto befriending an INFJ, it could be easy for an ENFP to “overdo it” by beingtoo wild and unpredictable. Still, as long as the ENFP can tone it down so thatthe INFJ can keep up, and as long as the ENFP does not cause tension in a group(which is extremely likely to make INFJs uncomfortable), the INFJ will probablyfind the behavior endearing and funny. From my experience, it is difficult toannoy an INFJ unless one is causing group tension or (as with any introvert)refusing to give them personal space or seeing their need for space as apersonal insult.

While the INFJ may prefer a small number of close friends toa large number of casual friends, their Fe tends to adopt an attitude of warmthand a pleasant demeanor towards nearly everyone. This would make it much easierfor a friendship to form in that the INFJ is one of the approachableintroverted types. However, INFJs’ Fe often manifests as a social mask thatchanges between situations and may not reflect their true feelings, so it maybe difficult for the ENFP to get past that. If the INFJ wants to befriend theENFP, then the most difficult part for them may be taking the initiative to goup and talk to them and be willing to do spontaneous things to have fun. Aswith any introvert, the INFJ may prefer to withdraw in a lot of thosesituations, but if they can reach out and have fun with the ENFP then afriendship will probably form fairly easily.

The ENFP will be more likely to initiate the friendship, sincethe INFJ may initially treat them as “a person who I should be nice to” and/or beprone to observe them from a distance rather than engaging with them. Some ofthe ways that ENFPs can catch the INFJs’ attention and initiate a closerfriendship are by demonstrating their quirky humor and their—well—nerdiness.Oftentimes, INFJs are huge nerds regarding one mainsubject of interest (usually an academic/abstract/non-visceral one). A veryeffective way to befriend an INFJ is to talk to them about their favoritesubjects. Of course, that last sentence applies to everyone, but an INFJs’ Nidominance means that they are especially likely to zero in on one subject orsubject area for long periods of time rather than jumping between subjects.

The same tactic probably applies in reverse. If the INFJwants to initiate a friendship with the ENFP, they could do that well bydemonstrating quirky humor and nerdiness. The main difference would be that theINFJ may have to focus on acting in excitement rather than observing inrelative detachment so that the ENFP will notice them as someone they can havefun with, whereas the ENFP may have to focus on toning down their excitementand bringing the conversation to something that the INFJ is interested in sothat the latter will talk and become invested.

Admittedly, I focused more on how an ENFP could befriend anINFJ than the other way around. This is partially because I know more about itfrom personal experience, but partially because I cannot remember encounteringany situation where someone struggled to become good friends with an ENFP.

The friendship will likely grow deep fairly easily as longas the INFJ is willing to open up and the ENFP is willing to take things slowly.The biggest likely impediment to depth on the INFJ’s side is only showing theENFP their social mask and hiding their true feelings, keeping the ENFP at arm’slength with a smile. The biggest impediment on the ENFP’s side is probablyoverzealous enthusiasm, in the face of which the INFJ might decide that it is abetter idea to withdraw. Still, as long as these are avoided, the friendshipwill probably develop very well. Both of these types are sensitive, caring, andplace a lot of importance on relationships. Neither of them is likely to opposeforming a deep friendship (except if they have had past relationship issues)which may not be true for many people of the infamously “cold” I_T_ types.

From my experience, any serious conflicts in an INFJ-ENFPfriendship have usually been caused by the ENFP’s dependency and the INFJ’s evasiveness.In multiple significant instances from my life and my friends’, it has playedout as follows:

The ENFP takes the relationship too deep too fast, beginningto make the INFJ uncomfortable (usually by being “clingy,” refusing to give theINFJ personal space, and/or causing group tension). This is due in part to theINFJ refusing to admit any hesitance to taking the relationship deeper sincethat hesitance may be perceived as rude (basically, INFJs are likely tostruggle with telling people “no”), which the ENFP interprets as a green light.After this, the INFJ makes things worse by refusing to tell the ENFP abouttheir reservations, and then withdraws into avoidance without telling the ENFPwhy for fear of hurting their feelings. This backfires completely because theENFP becomes paranoid that the INFJs’ lack of explanation for withdrawal indicatesthat the INFJ does not like them. The scared and upset ENFP tries to pressurethe INFJ to explain by pushing into the INFJ’s “space,” which only makes theINFJ more uncomfortable and withdraw more. This spirals out of control until theINFJ withdraws from the relationship completely, thoroughly scared off by theintensity of the ENFP’s feelings, and the ENFP attributes the INFJ’s withdrawalto personal dislike.

This conflict can be stopped from both ends. On the onehand, the INFJ can buck up and explicitly tell the ENFP “Hey, I really do likeyou and want to be friends, but I need a little bit of space since I am alittle bit uncomfortable with how fast we are taking this.” On the other hand,the ENFP can explicitly ask the INFJ “Am I making you uncomfortable? Do youneed some space? I won’t mind if you do.” when the INFJ starts to withdraw or appear uncomfortable.

The best way to prevent conflict in this kind of friendshipis with direct communication. Both types are conflict averse and can struggle to communicate with blunt honesty, but asking direct questions can work wonders to prevent a larger conflict that spirals out of control from a lack of communication.

Sorry that it took me so long to get to this ask— finals week was last week, which left me a bit burnt out. Thank youfor sending it, and I hope this answered your question!

[w-ht-w]

UCLA professor and expert in neuroscience, Dario Nardi, says in his book The Neuroscience of Personality that Se-users show “a “tennis hop” brain pattern….all regions of the neocortex are low amplitude and out of synch….This state is very effective. A low amplitude requires little energy while the shifting frequencies allow the brain to quickly direct whichever regions are needed for a surprise, incoming task.” 

Nardi goes on to say that this brain activity explains why ESTPs enjoy playing games that involve tactical action (like sports or Mario Cart). In fact, ESTPs enter a “zone”-like state when they are engaging in crisis situations. They become calm and focused, reacting quickly and logically to solve the problem. 

ESTPs ranked highest of all 16 personality types in “Positive Affectivity”. According to Wikipedia, “Those with high positive affectivity are typically enthusiastic, energetic, confident, active, and alert.” (x)