#zhents

[my-favourite-zhent]

Baldurs Gate 3 Zhent Personality Test

Big shout out to @thisaccountisagainstmywill @dustdeepsea @captainsigge @grossestjay and @theycallmeratt for help brainstorming and beta-testing! I stole a few questions off Aer who had the idea to write it as a narrative heist, and Dust had the idea for the security measures!

[laserlope]

Salazon for @beesht

[my-favourite-zhent]

This feels very in character. Brem stole Jarg's beard wax.

Haven't drawn in a while, so I thought I'd take a go at a lovely template from @riddscorner

Karad is sick of hearing about Bellar's knife-related solutions. And Jarg has suddenly forgotten why he and Brem were fighting.

[heymeowmao]

庆余年 | Joy of Life S2E17 ° Second Prince Li Chengze & Bodyguard Xie Bi'an

[animentality]

Gortash begging the dark urge to come back to him, but they say no, and he resorts to threats and says, "Be reasonable. I don't want to hurt you."

and the dark urge, even without memories, just responds instinctively, decisively:

"Since when?"

[pinacoladamatata]

[my-favourite-zhent]

May these clips inspire you OP

I've found the Zhentarim hideout at Waukeen's Rest yesterday and they've sent me to retrieve the missing cargo (I already know what's in that one from previous playthroughs hehe) and when I told Rugan he said:

Rugan?

RUGAN?????? EXCUSE ME??? BLACK HAND BE THANKED???????

I know most in the Zhentarim worship Bane or Cyric but I didn't expect him to drop THIS on me just like that. 😩 Fuck, he's a Banite. Fuckfuckfuck. 😩😩😩

[captainsieni]

Knight of Wands - Rugan

[my-favourite-zhent]

You lot are always making fun of me

Two months ago @coreene compiled some of the Zhentarim banter audios on the server and I kept forgetting to post it! Thank you so much for this file~~ I've only gotten this to trigger once on playthrough, I think it was bugged in subsequent patches.

[my-favourite-zhent]

We started the #MMMay for dear Sal but he got knocked out round two.

I'm curious to know how many of u know this cutie🧐☺️! I think I have a really bad case of side character simping🥴🫣! He plays such a minor role but, I still love this Zhentarim😍! Any other Salazon lovers around😏💖?

[bg3smash-or-pass]

[pentuppen]

Fics Master List

Figured I might as well put these together all in one post, I didn't realise I'd written so much till I looked back on it But here goes!

Go leave the lovely @adevilyoudo some love for the wonderful dividers (I'm old that may not be the term) they created for the community!

Completed & One Shots

Loose The Arrow - Complete - 50 Chapters - EXPLICIT

Astarion / OC Tav

Astarion has everything they could possibly want, power, prestige and nobody to answer to, but he doesn't have her, the one taken from him by a deadly deal.

An alternate look at a relationship with Ascended Astarion and the Druid Verlaine. Focus' mainly on the relationship after the Elder Brain with flashbacks into moments during their journey.

(Artwork by @raavila)

Mid Winter In Moonrise - One Shot - EXPLICIT

Astarion / Halsin / OC Tav

An off shoot from Loose The Arrow. Astarion is comfortable enough with his and Verlaine's relationship that he broaches the subject of allowing a play partner.

Bitter Suns - One Shot - EXPLICIT

Durge / Gortash

Helika looks upon the new Archduke and wonders why the mangled meat of her mind reaches for memories she cannot grasp. In all the confusion and hidden truths about who she is, why is this man compelling, who is he to her, and why do her knees desire to bend in his presence?

A one shot that was inspired by a piece of art by @feyspeaker. I won't post it here as it was a commission and I don't have permission to post it, but that's just a great excuse to go check out her work to find it. Trust me, you'll know which one it is!!

Whiskey Red - Complete - 2 Chapters - EXPLICIT

Rugan / OC

Rugan finds himself in somewhat dire straits and only one option. Ask an old friend for help! That is if she is still a friend after the last time they spoke three years ago.

Shameless smut that started the famous 'Its just a one shot' whine from me....yeah that didn't work as planned.....

Lilac & Sandalwood - Complete - 2 chapters - EXPLICIT

Astarion / OC Tav

A sweet story concerning Astarion and the statuesque Cerese!

This doesn't have much in the way of plot but plenty of smut. Part of an art exchange with the lovely @alcidence, Cerese is her baby <3

A Snake In The Garden - One shot - EXPLICIT

Rugan / OC

What is a man to do when he lucks into a pass to see one of the most expensive and exotic ladies in Baldurs Gate? Well he damn well goes to see her of course!

Part of an art Exchange with the ever talented @littleplasticrat I think I wrote this while still in denial about writing a long Rugan fic.

Long Fics Still In Progress

Unleashed - 46/50 chapters in - EXPLICIT

Astarion / OC

For the past two years, Astarion has found himself mostly alone after the events of the Elderbrain. Still bound by the sun and dealing with feral spawn, he gets a chance to end the suns tyranny over his life. The only problem is, he has to deal with a Druid.

Nothing I write here will accurately explain this high adventure / angst /smut story. It is Part two of The Game series, (part one Loose The Arrow) and I don't want to give it away by over explaining!

The Devil You Don't - 29/? chapters in - EXPLICIT!

Raphael / Astarion / OC's

After avoiding the devils many attractive traps during her fight against the Absolute, Ren finally succumbs to falling into his clutches in the name of helping a friend. Now she is caught in a maelstrom of toxic relationships, power struggles and finding out just who in the hells she actually is.

A long running fic full of plot as well as some of my more adventurous porn, and somehow I managed to make people fall in love with one of my OC's!

Artworks by @alcidence (left) and @littleplasticrat

The Red Right Hand - 12 / ? Chapters in - EXPLICIT

Rugan / OC

A simple grab gone wrong and a simple life ruined in a single day, leaves Rugan feeling guilty enough to take on a new recruit. Yvie isn't the usual fare to be found in the Zhentarim, but she's got more than enough fire for the older Zhent to want to risk getting burnt!

This is what happens when you keep telling yourself you ARENT going to do a Rugan long fic. Fucking old man is going to kill me!

Please do go check out the artists listed here, their work is impressive and being inspired or seeing other people bring my work to life is just the BEST experience, so go shower them with love and mutuals <3

[leopardmuffinxo]

so i have (more) Rugan brainworms thanks to @littleplasticrat and @dustdeepsea's art posts, here (sfw version, Patreon has the goods) and here, so i'm currently tweaking something for when i finally record more footage of our favorite Zhentarim idiot. below the cut b/c he's nakey. not fully nude though, so no peen jump scare. sorry lol. maybe later.

[killerpancakeburger]

It's so funny to me that Rugan only knows how to compliment someone by insulting them lmao. I'm not even mad. "Crafty swine" "beautiful bastard" etc

Tav messing with him after killing Zarys: Hmm I'm not sure if I should untie you. You called me a swine.

Rugan: T'Was a compliment!

Tav: From the pov of a Zhent maybe... but you're gonna need to learn normal compliments if you want me to keep saving your dumb ass

[fistfuloftarenths]

isn't it a marvel

Pairing: Rugan x AFAB!Tav Rating: G Wordcount: 1400 Genre: Self-indulgence Summary: Tav, Rugan, and Olly after the end of the world has been averted, sitting in a tavern in Waterdeep. Tav causes minor trouble, as is her wont. AO3 link here

Faerun never stayed saved. Not for her, not for anyone. Not even Elminster. On this fine spring afternoon, however, it seemed to have slowed its hurtling towards certain destruction to a near-halt. Tav had some hours to idle away, and meant to make the most of her reprieve. 

The tavern reminded her of the Singing Lute, back in the Gate. Small, cantilevered over the water, and crawling with bards. None of them were familiar to Tav, and yet the conversations she could overhear were the same as ever - someone had a new lute, someone else had finally brought down the hammered dulcimer they’d been talking about for weeks, someone owed someone else money and didn’t have it, someone had a new hat, and - bards being bards -  there was that one table who were convinced of their own natural superiority, and were talking too loud and flinging themselves about in dramatic poses.

Tav and her companions were tucked in a corner, their backs comfortable against the sea wall. Their choice of table is habitual now, much like the way she always checks for other exits. A trellis covered with vines shelters them from the sun and lines of sight, and Rugan has a shield up, just in case. Her chair was tipped back, one booted foot on the railing to keep her balance, and she was quietly running through fingerpicking exercises on her new lute. Yesterday Gale had reinforced it with magic, while Tav paced around his room in an excess of nervous energy. Just because her wizard friend was a genius didn’t mean he understood the importance of tuning, or resonance, and Tav had had to stop herself flinching every time a spell took and sank into the marquetry. 

His calculations had been right, and Tav was delighted with the results. The instrument ought to survive the indignities of the road with aplomb. Tucked away in a pouch she also had a fingerpick ring for the first knuckle of her thumb. This was enchanted to amplify the volume of her lute, but Rugan had taken one look at it and approved of it as a way to take someone’s eye out. 

He was sitting next to her, talking to Olly over a pint of something bitter. Her Zhent looked much the same as he did when she met him. Less blood. His hair wasn’t as grey as it should be, and he’d stopped complaining about his knees a couple of winters ago. Tav had her suspicions about this, but she was reluctant to look a gift Zhent in the mouth, not when she wanted it to keep kissing her for decades yet. In her opinion the gods owed her for that whole tadpole business - still owe her, really. Turned out that getting out of the world-saving business was harder than she’d thought.

Olly looked well, crow-black pulled back in a glossy ponytail and no longer hiding behind his fringe. She wasn’t entirely sure what he did these days, and hadn’t asked, since what she doesn’t know can’t be winkled out of her with magic or torture or both. Regardless, smiles were coming easily on his face, and he was carrying at least two items that were positively seething with enchantment. Whoever he was running with now was much better for him than the Gate crew ever was. Present company excluded.

Tav seized upon a lull in the conversation. “I learned a new one,” she said to Olly, and strummed a little louder so the tune would carry over to him. Rugan, recognising it, sighed heavily. Tav ignored him. “Comes from Moonshae, or so they told me.”

“They're far from staid after a raid,

These men of Zhentil Keep.

They kill off all the women,

For they much prefer the sheep.

The men don't eat their ill-got treat.

Not one of them's a glutton.

So isn't it a marvel

That they always smell of mutton?

Olly laughed. “They used to call us sheepfuckers at home. Busted some heads about it as a boy. Or tried to.” 

“Met a man from Ashabenford who claimed goats were a better lay than sheep,” Rugan added. “Said they were friskier.” As with most of Rugan’s stories, it was impossible to tell if he was lying. It seemed plausible, and yet -

He hadn’t taken the song with that much equanimity when Tav had first learned it, so much so that Tav had taken perverse delight in whistling the melody at odd times and places and waiting until the scowl lowered itself onto his face. Things had come to a head over Tav's extended digression about whether it would be ethical for Rugan to eat mutton stew. They had been very late starting on the road the following morning. 

Unfortunately, Tav’s lapse into fond memories was interrupted. Someone from one of the closer tables had come over, and was looking uncomfortably at her. 

“Excuse me,” said the interlocutor, a young human girl in peacock velvet and a scarlet feather in her cap, “but you might want to be careful where you play that. The Black Network has eyes and blades everywhere.” 

“Do you mean to say there might be Zhentarim here? Listening to me?” Tav asked, all wide-eyed innocence and absolutely not looking anywhere near the man next to her.

“Davil Starsong’s played on that very stage,” said the girl pointing, where the hammered dulcimer was being drowned out by the table of posturing assholes. A pity, because Tav would have liked to hear it. It’s not the sort of instrument she came across often on the road.

“Hmmm,” said Tav, noncommittally, and strummed through the first few bars again.  The girl looked pleadingly at Rugan, being the oldest and presumably the wisest of their little group. 

“Shouldn’t think she’s got much to fear from the Zhents, lass,” he rumbled, and slid a hand onto Tav’s thigh. Tav relented - the girl didn’t know, and the warning was kindly meant.

“I’ll keep it in mind,” she said. “But while you’re here - who are that group over there? With the purple hat and the moustache? The loud ones?”

“Them,” said the girl, screwing up her face with disgust. “That’s Arlon. His aunt’s a guildmaster, and his uncle married up, and they’ve got a lock on half the good parties.” 

Tav nodded. There was good money to be made there, and if they liked you they’d ask for you again. Most of the time the kitchen staff would feed you leftovers, too, and damn if the rich didn’t eat well. If you could get your foot in the door. If.

“He’s not even that good,” continued the girl. “Says he likes Volo, because everyone knows them and it’s easy.”

Tav shot bolt up right anyway, outraged. “Volo’s not even a bard,” she spat, and Rugan chuckled into his beer.

“Exactly!” said the girl. “He’s a -”

“Lying hack of a wizard,” finished Tav, vengefully. She glared at Arlon. “Something should be done.” Rugan’s hand tightened on the inside of her thigh. Careful.

“Er,” the girl said, somewhat doubtfully. Her eyes flicker across to Olly, who grinned back at her. Gods, he’s grown up.

“I’m not going to burn down your local,” Tav said. “Just…dampen the noise. Promise.”

“Really?” The girl’s eyes shone.

“You can’t,” said Tav. “I can, and I’m leaving town tomorrow. Consider it a thank you for the warning.” 

“Oh. All right.”

“You should go sit down. Don’t want to be near me when it happens.” 

Tav tapped a soft rhythm onto the body of her lute, summoning water, and dropped it onto Arlon and his clique. Shrieks of outrage and surprise echoed across the bay, and then most of the bar was laughing, and laughing hard. Water’s heavier than people think, but Tav has judged it nicely; they’re drenched to the skin and will have to sadly squelch all their way home, but no one is physically injured. Gods, they look ridiculous, careful coiffeuses turned to lank rat’s tails on their necks. Even Arlon’s moustache is drooping. They barely manage to flounce as they leave.

“Nice work,” said Rugan, into her ear, in that tone, in that voice. Deliberately, Tav guesses; he knows the effect that has on her. He slid his hand further up her thigh, and Tav shot him a sideways glare. Damn him.  Damn her susceptibility to him.

Emboldened, the hammered dulcimer player launched into a frottole, and began to sing. 

[my-favourite-zhent]

We're too organized, that makes us a real religion now, I want a tax break!

I've been hearing some concerns lately about people thinking the Ruganfuckers are a cult. But would a cult have a well-organized forum dedicated to compiling information and consistent headcanons for their blorbo's supporting characters?