#yyyyeah i have been

[djsangos]

now, honestly… have you ever been afraid of yourself?

every day i look my reflection in the eyes and give them my worst death stare so that theyre more afraid of me than i am of them

[royalreef]

@skytired​ inquired: [ TOUCH ]  for sender to trace one of receiver’s scars [ from oz! ] Older meme I will not go find - Always Accepting

      From the very first touch to her gills, Miranda froze.

      It made the fine muscles flex, pulling off of the harder bone-and-cartilage covers beneath the skin, forming the flap over their openings, now pulling flush, down against her neck to close. Their soft innards, bright red with oxygenated blood and so frilly and soft and large that they seemed like a feather boa, hidden inside her throat and tentatively exploring the open air, were much too large to pull fully inside. They twitched, moved, tried to retract, but that option had vanished for them, and their tips poked outside of the exit, unable to hide from the touch.

      When Miranda breathed in again, hard and gasping, thinking too much of it, they flared open, three sets of oblong holes made into the shape of slits, set into the tender skin of her neck, right behind her jaw and the larger fins that sat like ears to frame her face.

      It would have been strange, for creatures without gills, to consider what they were. It was easy to forget they were extensions of her natural body, entrances and exits as simple as anyone else’s nose or mouth. With their soft inner structures, flush and bright as any of Miranda’s flesh that could have been flayed open, they seemed more wound-like than natural. As though someone had come through and cut those parallel lines into her throat, punctured through so deep that it was possible to see light coming in from the other side if someone were to look within, and the edges had merely healed over with new skin.

       Miranda flushed, ruddy scales burning darker, the color of fired brick, the thin skin warming as more blood rose up and against Oz’s fingertips. Somewhere beneath his gaze, her hips shifted against her seat, her arms pulling in close to her body. It was too clear, too obvious. For someone who was used to all eyes being on her, for someone who was so familiar with her appearance being picked over down to every last detail — Miranda didn’t like Oz scrutinizing her like this. It felt too open, too visible. It was too risky, too sudden, the question posed as to what might happen if he found something that he didn’t like, and Miranda did not want to answer.

             The truth was — there was nowhere over her plated scales that held scars.

       Not on her head. Not on her hands. Not even on her tail. She was immaculate, clean, so unmarred by the world that it had never seemed to touch her, as though the hardships of life rolled off of her like droplets of seawater. Her body was perfect, kept perfect. She was everything that the crown wanted, everything that they needed, a crown jewel of their own to keep on display and to walk out as a symbol of their power, their unthinkable control. She was a thing of desire, sculpted to awe-struck perfection down to every last detail, down to every last stretch of scales and every corner of skin, soft and polished and new. The crown protected her, polished her, kept her like any of its treasures. They left her upon a velvet display so that all could see her and all could want her and only they could have her, truly have her, and she would be theirs forever and ever, because that was the only thing that could be true for something so perfect.

      Her eyes flicked down. Staring away from Oz, at the ground, unwilling to move. Abruptly she didn’t want Oz so close to her, didn’t want him touching her, wanted to crawl out of her skin and into some new lack of sensation that would wash over her like relief. Her want appeared aching and painful, but so too did her ability to say anything vanish, to nudge away from Oz, to make some semblance of her intentions known. She just... couldn’t.

      Maybe that wasn’t fitting, for someone who was known for bossing others around, who made no qualms about reminding everyone else of their positions under her, but it wasn’t fitting for her to be so upset either, was it? And this was upset, wasn’t it? She was upset. She was upset and didn’t want them touching her and they had done nothing wrong, and she was someone designed to be touched. Why else would someone else polish her scales for her? Why else would she be so soft, so beautiful? Why else would they make sure that, no matter what happened to her, there would never be a scar upon her beautiful body, nothing on all ten feet of muscle and bone and scale and flesh that would ever indicate that she had been tarnished, that the world had ever rubbed a little of its filth on her, that she ever had a single rotten spot that needed to be scrubbed out?

      Her throat was burning. It was burning again, protesting, familiar pain stabbing down into the lining of her esophagus, and Miranda couldn’t do anything about it.

      It flared greater the more she breathed, the harder she flexed her gills, trying to think of something, trying to say something, trying to do something, and only breathing harder and harder and harder, her lungs not fully emptying before she was gasping more in, her nostrils flaring and shuttering and her chest heaving in and out as her heart fluttered in her chest, panicked, struck into motion, and she had known this hurt for so long, it had haunted her for so many years, it was her companion and her friend and it always came for her whenever she began to fear, whenever she started to breathe too hard and think too hard and someone was too close where they shouldn’t be, and it was hers and it would always be hers and it hurt, it hurt so much, and she didn’t know why her throat and her gills hurt so much but they did and they hurt when she tried to eat and when she tried to make herself eat because she started thinking about bodies and meat and how close they were and how they were inside herself and within herself and how she couldn’t get away, couldn’t get away, please, please, please please please please please please please please please—

       —And she still hadn’t said a single thing to Oz. She was frozen, sitting there, staring at the ground, unable to move her body. Unable to will herself to move. She didn’t want to. She couldn’t. She wouldn’t. The fear and the pain and the terror flared up inside her and she stopped trying to do anything about it, because if she just let it happen, it would have to let her go. That was how things always went. If she didn’t do anything, if she looked and acted like the perfect little jewel polished behind glass, then they would get bored. They would leave, having gotten from her what they wanted, and she would be alone again.

      That was how the story always went, and it never got better. It certainly never got better if Miranda raised a fuss about it.

[nyrandrea]

No because he is as well, I adore the way he was written!! I was the same gigglin n kickin my feet each n everytime 😭

But can I ask for a request then, so say reader n Astarion ( plus two others ) are in an fight and reader just gets badly injured n knocked out and he just loses it killing anyone in his path to get to reader caring about them agshdudisowowi

Thanks so much for the request! I had quite a bit of fun writing this prompt.

Few warnings for canon-typical violence, blood, injury and animal death. Yyyyeah it is quite the doozy.

Word Count - 1.9k

Hope you enjoy!

xxx

The moon hung low in the starlit sky, its pale light casting ghostly shadows upon a narrow, winding mountain path. You and your party had been travelling all day as you wanted to cover more considerable ground to make up for time lost due to camping. However, the physical toll it was taking on everyone was starting to show as you all moved cautiously through the rugged terrain. 

Lae’zel was understandably the most resilient of the group, her tough demeanor betrayed only by the beads of sweat that trailed down her knitted eyebrows as she focused on conquering the path ahead. Shadowheart seemed to be driven purely by spite just to keep up with the githyanki; you almost had to fight her a few times just to get her to stop and catch her breath before she keeled over.  

You were feeling pretty run down yourself, every step felt heavier as time dragged on and your muscles were screaming at you to stop, but if you made it to that rock, to that tree, just over the hill, across the river, only then could you rest. 

You said that about ten rocks and five rivers ago. 

“That’s it!” A familiar voice shouted out from behind you, and you instinctively rolled your eyes. “I can’t take this anymore.” 

Turning around, you were greeted with the sorry sight of Astarion collapsing onto his knees and huffing for breath, and it seemed as if he wasn’t going to get back up anytime soon.  

“Astarion-” 

“Don’t you ‘Astarion’ me with that... little disappointed pout of yours,” the vampire said. “I am literally on my knees begging here, darling. We need to stop for the night.” 

“As sad as your little theatrics are,” Shadowheart walked over to the two of you and smirked down at him before turning to you. “He does have a point. We’ve been walking all day; I think I lost all feeling in my feet about half an hour ago.”  

“And you say he is the dramatic one?” Lae’zel cut in, sneering down at you from a higher ledge. “Look at you all, complaining like children. This is nothing compared to-” 

“Yes, yes, you have endured a horrendous array of training throughout your arduous upbringing on the Astral Plane that has transformed you into the fearsome warrior you are today; we get it,” Astarion said sarcastically, earning a snort of laughter from Shadowheart and a scowl from yourself. “But I for one am not made of pure titanium and would like to rest.” 

“Fine,” Lae’zel growled. “But if the ghaik tadpole decides to turn your insides out because of your time wasting, then I shall be all too happy to end your life.” 

“It’s a deal, darling.” 

With everyone in agreement, you relieved yourself of your heavy backpack and quickly got to work on setting up a makeshift camp. Dinner was a small, cooked rabbit to share, while Astarion waited patiently for you to finish until you let him drink his fill. You didn’t miss the concerned glance shared between Shadowheart and Lae’zel but said nothing. 

As the darkness deepened and the others retired for the evening, you decided you didn’t quite want to go to sleep quite yet— a decision you were probably going to regret come morning. Regardless, the stars were out tonight, and you weren’t certain when you might next get to enjoy them during this treacherous journey, if ever. 

The tadpole behind your eye wriggled slightly, and you were worried it was going to waste your night with a migraine and unwanted whispers, but instead it settled down. You huff a sigh of relief; you were spared, for tonight anyway. 

Despite the sky above being a sight to behold, your eyes couldn’t help but keep wandering down. Astarion was sitting across from you, his eyes creased and lips in a tight line as he concentrated on the ghastly book spread across his lap. The Necromancy of Thay had been his focus of attention for these past few nights, and you were honestly starting to worry a little for him. Sure, it was you who had given it to him in the first place (after he practically begged you for it), but the way he hyper focused on it at times was... concerning, to say the least. 

You clear your throat, hoping to catch his attention. 

It doesn’t work; you try again. 

“Oh, do shut up...!” 

His sharp tone makes you recoil slightly, and the vampire mirrors you, glancing between you and the book with widened eyes. 

“O-Oh no, I didn’t mean you, my dear. It’s this blasted book,” Astarion says, frowning down at it like a disappointed parent. “I can’t make heads or tails of the damn thing.” 

“Do you... need some help?” You meekly offer, even though you didn’t know the first thing about necromancy; some things were just best left untouched in your opinion. 

“You’re a sweetheart,” he breathes out a little chuckle. “But no.” He allows the book to close with a heavy thump before his eyes trail back up, lingering on you for a moment. “But I could do with a... little distraction.” 

As the fire crackles and pops, your cheeks flare up as Astarion slowly crawls his way around, not stopping until he is only inches away from you. Not quite knowing what to do or where to look, your body goes stiff as he slowly leans in towards you.  

“What do you think, hm?” he purrs, his knuckle softly caressing your cheekbone as he brushes away a stray lock of hair behind your ear. “Shall we have a little fun?” 

You nod shyly and allow him to draw you in as he cups your face and brushes his lips against yours, only to suddenly stiffen and pull away. A surge of panic jabs up from under your ribs as you’re worried that, somehow, you’ve done something to hurt him or put him off. 

“I-I’m sorry!” You blurt out. “Are you okay?” 

He eases your fretting by smoothing down your arms with an almost amused expression. “No, it’s not you, never you, I can’t stress that enough but there’s... something-,” he frowns and sniffs the air.  

Oh Gods, did you stink? You knew it had been a while since you last washed but… 

No, his attention was away from you as he quickly got to his feet and focused on what appeared to be a large boulder of sorts, about ten feet away from where you lay. 

Astarion’s eyes widen, and for the first time in a long time, he looks terrified. 

“Shit, he’s found me again. We’ve got to leave, now!” 

Suddenly, like vipers striking from the shadows, a group of monster hunters descended upon you, the night erupting into chaos as they sprang into action with ruthless efficiency. Swords and daggers glinted ominously in the dim firelight as you and the others desperately tried to defend yourselves. 

Fear and confusion gripped the group as you fought back against your assailants, but the element of surprise was with the ambushers. They moved with a deadly grace; their tactics honed through countless skirmishes. The clash of steel and cries of anguish pierced the night air.  

Desperation fueled your resistance, but they outnumbered you five to one, and that was without including their attack dogs, who had taken to separating you from the rest of the group as their personal prey. You jab your sword at their snapping maws, shout and try to make yourself look big to fend them off or, at the very least, make them think twice about attacking you.  

However, none of it seems to work as one takes a lunge at you and sinks their jaws into your arm. The jolt of shock quickly wore off to the searing heat of pain as the dog tugged and shook you like a rag doll, the beast spurred on by the snarls and barks of the others before they joined in on the mauling. 

You tried to scream but it hurt to even breathe, reducing you to mere gasping as your limbs throbbed and your head pounded. You thought you heard screaming, but the chaos of the battle muffled your senses as if you were being held underwater. You fall flat on your back as you’re pinned down to the ground, your eyes fluttering as something hot, wet and slimy drips onto your cheeks. Your eyes are met with a row of fangs; you shut them quickly, unwilling to look your death in the face. 

In that moment, an anguished cry cuts through the noise, and your eyes snap open. 

The next few moments are a blurry, bloody mess; primal and violent as you can just make out different voices—the hunter’s voices— crying out in pain along with the sound of wet tearing, of fangs ripping into flesh and blood splattering across the ground. You can only stare ahead, eyes wide with fear and body numb as the heavy weight on your chest is suddenly lifted. There’s a pitiful whine and a crunching snap, and the carnage finally stops. 

After a few moments of unbearable silence, your jumbled thoughts immediately go to your teammates, and you try to push yourself up to go help them. They were probably hurt, or worse, dead. You had to get up. Just... get up! 

‘Get up!’ 

“Get up goddamn you!” 

Your blurred vision slowly cleared as you blinked away your tears, and a familiar, blood-splattered face came into view. Gods but Astarion looked so afraid; his red eyes were wet, and his bottom lip quivered ever so slightly as he gently slid his hands under your broken body to help you sit up. 

“Oh, thank the Gods,” he whispered. “He... he will not take you away from me. I won’t let him.” He looks over his shoulder and shouts, “Cleric, get over here now!” 

His lips curled into a snarl as Shadowheart dropped to her knees beside you, as if he was frustrated that she wasn’t healing you quick enough. As if to confirm, he snaps at her to hurry up. 

“Shouting at me isn’t going to make the process go any quicker, I need to concentrate,” Shadowheart bit back, before her gaze softened upon you as a golden light washed out from her hands and over your body. “Just hold on a little longer, okay?” 

“She is right, you must calm yourself,” Lae’zel softly ordered Astarion as she knelt by your other side. “You have already taken your rage out on the enemy, do not let it overtake you.” 

Astarion said nothing as he focused solely on you, whispering hushed promises and honeyed words that got jumbled through your dazed state, but you appreciated them all the same. You tried to show him this by curling your stiff fingers around his, the coolness of his skin bringing a brief respite to your burning hot hands. He breathes out a sad, broken chuckle and reciprocates your gesture with a soft kiss to your fingers. 

The moon bore witness to the tragedy, casting its cold, indifferent light upon the scene, but you thought it shone beautifully, all the same. 

xxx

[ahmoseinarus]

Why I'm not okay with Vax'leth...

okay, hear me out before you come for me, "their love was used to break the world"ers, cuz I'm seriously not trying to start a fight... First and foremost... this is only my opinion. And my opinion has absolutely no bearing on your thoughts, views, opinions, or what is canon. The Eight Nerdy-Ass Voice Actors have spoken: Vax'leth is canon, end of story. And I'm certainly not going to say Vax'leth shippers are wrong, or stupid, blah blah blah... hell no. That is not my place, nor my right (well, legally it is my right, but my personal morals and feelings on the matter say that it's a dick move, so). I don't care who you ship (as long as it ain't pedophilia). That's the beauty of fandoms. We can all have our thoughts, ideas, opinions, and somewhere, find someone of like mind to share them with. Second, yes. I ship Perc'ildan... But I also ship Vax'more. Hell, when I was watching Campaign 1, Vax gave Percy a big ol' smooch on the cheek, Liam said "Percy and Vax, people! Ship it!" I said "O, captain, my captain!" and never looked back. But otherwise, there wasn't much else in canon to go off of. Not like there was with Vax & Gilmore. Very quickly, the chemistry there blew me away, I was shipping them so damn fast, and I had so much hope for them! But then... "You know I'm in love with you, right?"

💔 ... that single, Iconic moment that kicked off the Vax'leth joy for nearly a decade for so many, was a moment of shattered hopes and heartbreak for me. And it came out nowhere! I was not expecting it! I knew people were shipping them (I was not in online communities yet, I got into the fandom very late, they were between C2 & C3 when I started watching C1) but I didn't know how the campaign ended, I didn't know if anyone ended up together... I had not recognized any interest between those two characters except for one brief moment, when Vax went unconscious in the fight with the Briarwoods in Emon... He pictured his mother, his sister... and Keyleth. And I thought "oh god, please don't go there." And for a couple more eps, it seemed okay, but then he dropped that line...

"You know I'm in love with you, right?"

... fuck.

Part of me wanted to stop watching. But that was silly and childish. And holy shit, the Briarwood Arc. I think I paused, though, and stared at the ceiling and had a silent mental tantrum. Later, watching him pseudo-break up with Gilmore from their pseudo-thing that was never really official to begin with, because of what looked unrequited love, left me feeling nauseous. And... it never got better. Nothing about Vax and Keyleth ever felt right.

Now, I wasn't particularly happy about Perc'ahlia either, but... I was okay with it. I mean, damn, Laura and Tal played it well, Vex & Percy had the chemistry... They came together, they said "yes, you are what I want", and "Lady in the streets, tiger in the sheets" Vex said "Great, let's fucking go," grabbed Percy by the short & curlies and has been dragging him around, plucking his flower ever since, and making him a very, very happy man. But I digress. No, Vax'leth just never felt right. The chemistry wasn't there. They always seemed just a bit out of synch, never quite in harmony with each other... I know the arguments have been made before. Keyleth and Vax felt forced; yeah, they really did. They were awkward; yeah, I mean, Keyleth was already socially awkward, Marisha played that brilliantly, but this was... more. Vax carried everything; yyyyeah, he did. He seemed desperate to make it work. Sure. I saw all of that. Every single one of "their moments" was so incredibly uncomfortable for me to watch, it was almost unbearable... There were a couple of times when I physically squirmed in response. But... why? I didn't have this response to Percy & Vex... I see Perc'ahlia fanart online, I've even read a couple of Perc'ahlia fics... but Vax'leth? I actively avoid it... I've never read anything that might include it... I block the tag on every platform, because stumbling across fanart with them in any... intimate position just brings a visceral cringe reaction from me... ... But... I'm fine with Percy/Grog. Or Percy/Tary. Or Vax/Grog. I've read a Vex/Percy/Grog. I'm down with Vex/Zahra/Kash... Vex/Percy/Zahra. o.o I've read Polymachina where it's "hm... whose bed am I sleeping in tonight?" And that's where I figured it out... because whenever characters started getting mix-matched up together, occasionally I'd find myself skipping stuff, just "oof, no, not interested in giving that paring/threesome/grouping a chance..." And I finally realized it all had the same thing in common. It was Keyleth herself. And between that, and watching C3, I started to realize something. Or recognize something. There was something about Keyleth that was resonating with me. There was something about her, that I was relating to. And once I figured it out, I couldn't believe it had taken me so long to see it. Keyleth full on fucking screams Aromantic Asexual so hard!

And she doesn't even know it herself!!!

This is an incredible woman of strength, power, wisdom and compassion. She is one of the leading figures in the entire world. Her life has been nothing but a journey of seeking knowledge, and power, and self-control, and wisdom and leadership. She has had incredible burdens and responsibilities heaped upon her shoulders since she was just a girl. Her Aramente was supposed to be about finding herself, yes, but that's also what the journey of life is. I realized that the reason that Vax'leth made me so uncomfortable, was because I recognized what I was seeing. I was watching Keyleth, who had no understanding of herself, and who had not yet had the time to explore and figure herself out, being confronted with someone that she cared about, expressing feelings for her, and she was going through the motions of trying to to respond. She was just doing what she thought she was supposed to do, playing the part she was supposed to play, and even wanted to play, because this! This is what people do! This is part of what everyone gets to have! Something that is normal, but special, and just for her, in this otherwise insane, overwhelming chaos that is the rest of her life, with the world crashing down around her... "This is what I'm supposed to do! I care for this person, he cares for me, he loves me, so I'm supposed to fall in love with him! That's what's happening! I'm supposed to do this! This is what I'm supposed to say! Is this what it's supposed to feel like when we hold hands? I'm probably just nervous and overreacting. This is what we're supposed to do. Yes, we're supposed to kiss. I'm supposed to like it. Yes, act like I like it, tell him I like it, tell myself I like it, this is what I want because I care about him, and this is what you do when you care about someone!"

At some point, you start to question. "... is it... really supposed to fee like this? Is this really what I want? Is this really love? Or... OMG have I just been playing along because I'm trying to conform to the expectations of society... and myself?!" It's confusing... because you genuinely do want it!!! Until you realize... that you don't. And then you're just confused. And trying to figure out why. Maybe you weren't really in love? Maybe you didn't really want it with this person? Or... did you ever really want it at all?

Let me tell you, some of the best smut fanfiction is written by asexuals, in case you didn't know that. There is a big difference between loving sex, and loving the idea of sex. Or loving romance, and wanting to have your own. There are so many written works of love and romance and erotic, explicit sex, being written by people who can't get enough of reading and writing it... but have no interest in having that themselves... But I'm sure quite a few of us went through the motions in our youth, of dating, kissing, or even a bit more, before we realized OMG no, keep it out of my reality and in fiction, please. Keyleth never had the fucking chance. Perhaps in their year off between the Conclave and the final Arc she started to wonder and question... I think at some point, maybe on a Talks Machina, Liam did say that Vax and Keyleth's relationship was mostly asexual. But then, of course... Vax was gone.

I wonder if he knew, on some level... Especially after his deal with the Matron. That as much as she loved him, it was not as much as she thought she did. Or, if I may, even as much as Marisha loved Vax. Maybe Keyleth has figured herself out by now... maybe she hasn't... In Dalen's Closet, she asked the Champion how she is supposed to get over him if he keeps sending her Ravens. But I can't help wondering if she isn't clinging to Vax's memory, in part, because as long as she is still grieving him, it gives her an excuse to not move on. If she hasn't moved on, and isn't moving forward in a state where someone might be trying to catch her eye, she won't have to deal with that self-reflection, and start to question if what she had with him was ever real to begin with, or just another lie she was telling herself. I have to wonder if she is ready to see and accept that part of herself. It takes a lot of time. I was in my mid thirties by the time I realized I was on the asexual spectrum. And nearly 40 when I realized I was aromantic. And now, looking at Keyleth as an Aromantic Asexual, everything just seemed to slot into place, and make sense for her, and everything that bugged me about her suddenly... doesn't anymore. I've always enjoyed Keyleth's character, outside of Vax'leth. But I'm curious, if I go back and rewatch C1 now, with this perspective, while I will certainly never like it, and will certainly never ship it... I wonder if I can at least find some peace in it. But, for those of you who think I'm stark raving mad, that Zephrah is for lovers, and the Raven & the Tempest is the love story for the ages, well... You've waited a long time for LoVM Season 3! Enjoy and savor every Vax'leth moment you get!!! But I will respectfully be filtering them out, and shall let you have your moments of triumph and delight in peace.

💖Fandom is for Shippers (Canon Compliance not required) -Responses are fine, I just ask that you bear in mind all I have put forth is my opinion, and nothing more, and I have tried to do so in a manner that is respectful to those that I know will likely not share my opinion. Should someone feel the need to come back at me with considerably less respect than I have shown, well... then in the words of one Pike Trickfoot in LoVM S1 E01... "Easy Grog... we don't waste our time on talking assholes, remember?"

[vanmarkus]

How many times do you think Tommy looked at Buck and thought "God I hope so" before last night because I think... a lot of times about a lot of things

yyyyeah I mean, Tommy has been interested from the very beginning. like, not in the "I wanna date this person" way but in a "god, isn't he adorable? isn't he handsome? isn't he loyal? isn't he hot?" and then came the realisation that "oh wait, I could actually tap that"

lmao which okay, not to be crude, because we know Tommy doesn't go there unless things are just right (as per Lou) but like yeah, from the moment it became a ~possibility~ Buck wasn't the only one who couldn't stop thinking about him.

I mean, have you seen those lips? who wouldn't wanna ruin them? and then call him a good boy right after? Buck is a walking, talking tease and now that they're dating, he's doing it consciously. there is only so many distractions you can take up before it bubbles up into the front of your mind.

I think Tommy is patient and kind and will not rush anything, but once they are more comfortable with that part of the relationship? there will be many discussions about many different things — because remember, Buck is a little freak with a mile long list of sexual escapades and I don't think many aspects of sex would be new to him, even with a man, but I do think there would be quite a lot of matching up about what either of them is specifically into and working around that.

but anyway, Tommy has been daydreaming about approaching the subject for weeks and Buck being the one bringing it up and then not letting it go until he got a response out of Tommy... yeah, his daydreams are about to get much more graphic, is all I'm saying.

[suitov]

Makoto: Thank gods you were there. I wouldn't have known what to do.

Izuru: Your first two suggestions were sensible, if poorly organised.

Makoto: They were? I don't... remember what I said. I was so panicked.

Izuru: You said "Oh no, Junko! Check her pulse! Get help!"

Makoto: Oh, haha.

Makoto:

Makoto: Is... my voice really that high?

Izuru: I am an Ultimate Voice Actor, Mimic, Impostor, Actor--

Makoto: Sorry, sorry, I wasn't questioning your powers.

Izuru: I was not offended.

Makoto:

Makoto: She's... she's really heavy, huh...

Izuru: I can carry her on my own.

Makoto: But I want to help! It's all my fault!

Izuru: In a sense. Your ill luck was involved.

Makoto: Normally I just get some cut or scrape or the bus drives past me or... I've never... seen someone else get hurt...

Izuru: I will carry her. Dry your eyes.

Makoto, blowing nose: Phhhsssbbbpt... sorry... but I'm glad you were there. I knew you'd know what to do. Things're less scary with you around.

Izuru: I am actually very scary and also evil.

Makoto:

Makoto: Yyyyeah.

Makoto: But, even i... even though that's true, if you're with us, then the scary person is on our side! So that's less scary in itself.

Izuru: I see. Mentally assigning me to your in-group permits you to overlook my overwhelming threat level because, to your mind, that threat is directed outward. In this way, pack mentality adds to your false sense of security. Perhaps this is how all real people cope with my presence.

Makoto: You're real people, Izuru.

Izuru:

Junko: Oh my GOD will you just KISS already I've been faking unconsciousness for TWELVE MINUTES!!

Makoto: Junko! Are you okay?!

Izuru: Yes, she has been fine this entire time.

Makoto:

Izuru: She was pretending.

Makoto: A...and you knew?

Izuru: I did not wish to spoil the funny prank.

Makoto: That's not a funny prank!

Junko: Excuse the fuck out of me your face is hilarious this was the best prank.

Makoto: I was afraid you were brain damaged and dead!!

Izuru: She is not dead.

Junko: Listen, if you're so excitable you didn't realise the thing missed me by inches, that's not my fault.

Izuru: The prank is concluded now, yes?

Junko: Since you dense dodos wouldn't frigging make out, yeah.

Izuru: Then I shall put you down.

Junko: I didn't say you could put me down.

Makoto: You both have terrible senses of humour.

Junko: Don't be bitter just cos you didn't think of making him carry you too.

[gshnstrs]

reasons behind visions

eichi - cryo: not sure yet but cryo just fits

wataru - anemo: following the trend of anemo characters having dead friends, he doesn’t technically have dead friends but there will be eccentric-specific lore. going off enstars canon, he feels that his friendships with the eccentrics are dying

tori - electro: idk i just thought it’d be funny to make him an electro claymore since he looks like dori

yuzuru - hydro: he’s very dedicated to his position as tori’s butler, and most hydro characters have a strong dedication to something

hokuto - cryo: im honestly debating on changing him to hydro but i remember he was like an “ice prince” or smthn in past enstars stuff

subaru - pyro: passionate about. uh i haven’t gotten that far. use your imagination

makoto - geo: iiii dont have a reason for this one

mao - dendro: he seeks knowledge to become a stronger fighter as well as a healer, as he wants to be able to be both instead of having to choose just one

chiaki - pyro: passionate about being a hero

kanata - hydro: fishie.. dedicated to his position as a member of ryuseitai? ill post better lore eventually

tetora - pyro: passionate about being the manliest man

shinobu - shinobus vision hasnt been decided yet. stay tuned for more bangers

midori - dendro: idk it felt right

hiiro - pyro: passionate about seeking out his missing brother

aira - electro: i had a good reason for this but i forgot what it was

mayoi - electro: electro characters tend to have some reason that makes them see the world differently. mayoi’s intrusive thoughts and stuff tie into that. i was really torn between making him electro or cryo ☹️

tatsumi - dendro: in gshnstrs lore he’s very wise i will elaborate eventually

nagisa - geo: hard-working .. uhhh i’ll elaborate one day

hiyori - electro: i will elaborate eventually

ibara - electro: sees the world differently since in gshnstrs lore he was raised to be a killing machine (i swear ill explain later) and when he finally escaped he didn’t understand how to be normal

jun - hydro i think: i havent decided yet but i think hydro could fit because i want to like. he’s dedicated to sticking by hiyori’s side and i think i might give hiyori a permanent injury or something. it’s just an idea right now

shu - electro: i think this might be obvious

mika - dendro: i can’t elaborate because it contains major spoilers for later lore

hinata - pyro: passionate about taking care of yuuta and shielding him from harm?

yuuta - anemo: he wants to be free from the expectations placed on him and hinata just because they’re identical

rinne - pyro: passionate about living his own life (you’ll understand later)

himeru - geo: uhhh idk i just needed more geo characters

kohaku - electro: it fits his colour scheme and uhh i’ll elaborate one day

niki - pyro: hes basically xiangling. very passionate about cooking

rei - electro: yyyyeah

kaoru - anemo: im so sorry its because of his dead mom

koga - electro: electro male characters always are linked to dogs so it fits LMAO

adonis - electro: sees the world different because he was raised in sumeru, not inazuma like the rest of undead

nazuna - undecided: stay tuned for more bangers

mitsuru - pyro: passionate about uhh idk just everything

tomoya - dendro: i dont have a reason for this

hajime - hydro: i dont have a reason for this either

keito - dendro: knowledgeable. also he shares a japanese voice actor with alhaitham (this isn’t why but it’d be really funny if it was)

kuro - geo: it just seemed like it fit

souma - electro: sees the world differently because hes fucking autistic about his sword idk. hes purple leave me alone

tsukasa - hydro: dedicated to becoming a knight and also a Specific journey that you’ll learn about later..

leo - anemo: he was once a pawn for eichi and seeks complete freedom from him. i know electro seems like it would make more sense for leo or even pyro but listen. i have convinced myself that he’s anemo

izumi - cryo: it just fits

ritsu - cryo: uhhhhhhhhh yeah

arashi - electro: she sees the world differently because she’s trans (i’ll come up with something better im sorry)

natsume - electro: it just makes sense

tsumugi - dendro: he has a lot of knowledge from the time he spent with eichi, but now he seeks more knowledge that he will use to guide and help natsume and sora

sora - electro: he sees the world differently because of his synesthesia (how do you spell it help)

madara - undecided, probably dendro or geo: uhhb yup

[yourturntosimp]

Hey i recently got into yttd and i absolutely ADORE your account. May i request a (yandere of course) shin hcs for when you talk back or blow up at him. Because he's very weak i imagine he wont be able to do any physical punishments. Like maybe he does some psychological torture?

(Any pronouns work!)

A/N: ok so we’ve all accepted atp that i’m an on-and-off writer and that part of the process is disappearing for months and coming back w a post, right? right, cool,,,,,anyways theres sm more i wanna add to this one bc i got inspo from a rlly good book + some good fics i found on ye olde quotev but my typing couldnt keep up w my brain <//3 

TWs: uhhhh idk, gaslighting, police mention, manipulation? Idk if ths what it is, isolation, violence/abuse mention, forced dependency, mental illness mention (idk if ths a tw but wvr), medication mention

💻tbh at first, he becomes a bit genuinely worried

💻i mean, it’s not like he wouldn’t expect you to not lash out at all

💻all healthy couples have little spats, from time to time! 

💻but a part of him kinda thought that he’d be able to keep you docile enough that you’d return his feelings, and this entire thing could be avoided :(

💻that paired with the fact that it was such an extreme reaction, too,,,,

💻all he did was “fix” your phone a bit so that your calls & texts wouldn’t go to anyone besides himself and any family that you have, is all!

💻but really, it was for your own good

💻if you could see all those mean things your ‘friends’ were saying about you, about your relationship in their other group chats? 

💻you would be devastated!

💻he was only helping you out a bit

💻seems like you’re kinda overreacting, it wasn’t that bad :////

💻yeah so once gaslight gatekeep girlboss goes out the window, he’s rlly left with no choice;

💻if you’re so angry at him, then leave!

💻go carry out your normal life before you met him!

💻Except with just one phone call, he’s got people all over town on the lookout for you, and actual help from law enforcement out of the question

💻after all, as far as the police & everyone else in town knows, you’re his poor poor darling, sick in the head, whose been refusing to take their medication for quite some time after suffering a traumatic incident

💻and you’ve suddenly run off! how tragic :(

💻and those blunt force trauma injuries that you “mysteriously” woke up with, after getting a bit too violent for his liking in the midst of your little outburst?

💻those aren’t helping your case <//3

💻so yyyyeah,,,,add nobody to believe you to the list of problems you currently have

💻even your family would be reluctant to take your word

💻after all, Shin is such a nice boy! And you haven’t been acting quite right, everyone’s worried for you, yknow??

💻you could never tell them that yeah, you’ve been acting weird because you’re basically being forced to stay with an obsessive stalker

💻they wouldn’t believe you before, they won’t believe you now

💻you can yell at him all you want, but at the end of the day, he’s the only person who you have

💻and even if you don’t want to accept that….well, you’ll come around eventually <3

[artzybumpkin]

Oh dear lord I remember that episode when Charlie punched him in the throat-

Is it awkward for Charlie to speak with Allan during his pregnancy?

Oh ABSOLUTELY at first!

I feel like they both are kinda gun shy when it comes to conversation, at least for a little while. They both attempt some form of clumsy "Hey, how are you's" that seem to fall flat before they scurry off, out of one another's sight.

Their little squabble already made things awkward between them, but for Ch/arlie the pregnancy amped that awkwardness up TENFOLD. He hadn't really been in close contact with someone in the family way in his life. If anything maybe distant relatives he'd only see once or twice a year at best. So for him, this was uncharted territory. Besides a brief "Congrats, man. Happy for you or whatever," there was not much more he'd mentioned on the subject.

This probably went on for several weeks tbh.

However, when he'd gotten word from P/im that "It's a girl!" something edged him on to approach his coworker. As expected, he found him at the breakroom table, checking the signatures on some paperwork.

"Hey, man."

"Hey...." He didn't look up from the pages he was glossing over. He'd checked the stack over a time or two already but had to be sure there were no mistakes. (If for no reason other than to keep his mind off his upset stomach) "You and P/im done with today's client already?"

"Yeah, uh, turns out all the guy needed was a quick pep talk and to quit drinking so much Red Bull. Dude was drinking like 14 minimum a day for the past half a decade, I don't know how he hasn't gone into cardiac arrest."

"Holy shit..."

"For real! I can't even imagine what that'd do to someone. Couldn't be me, dude, couldn't be me..."

The room was plunged back into silence, sans for sounds of paper rustling and pen scribbles.

Ch/arlie scratched the back of his neck, trying to find the right wording. ".... Sooooooo, uh.... Heard you found out what Al/lan junior's gonna be."

Now this made the red critter pause momentarily before continuing on with his business. "Yeah, yeah, a girl."

"Ah, cool, cool.... Er, 'bout how far along does that make you now?"

"Just under 14 weeks. The OB says everything seems normal." His hand subconsciously made it's way to the small bump of his belly as he recalled what was said at the clinic, "Growth rate and size are about what's to be expected, so that was good to hear."

At this point Ch/arlie's curiosity began to pique. He grabbed the chair closest to him and sat. "How big is she? Did they say??"

Al/lan looked his way, slightly surprised by the sudden engagement. "Yyyyeah, actually." He quickly pulled out his phone and pulled up the browser. "There's this fruit chart online that's supposed to be a direct comparison.... If I can find it...," he mumbled as he scrolled through several images. "I think the size of a lemon? Or a nectarine? Or an.... apple? I dunno, but she's about this big right now." He made a "C" shape with his free hand, trying to mimic the correct size.

The yellow critter's expression was full of intrigue as his eyes bounced from Al/lan's hand to his belly a couple times. "Damn, dude. That's actually really cool," he chuckled, "I can't tell if she's bigger than I thought she'd be or smaller."

A smirk crept it's way across Al/lan face as he playfully scoffed and rolled his eyes in amusement. "Yeah, well, imagine an apple sized water balloon sitting on top of your bladder. Big or small, you notice it."

Long story short, they end up having a good ol' heart to heart; Exchanging the appropriate apologies (For basically attacking each other, kicking each other's asses, amongst other things), acknowledging that they BOTH acted a fool under pressure of having near been involved in a tragedy (Which, let's be honest, valid aF. Who wouldn't be at each other's throats in that kind of situation??), and finally ending with a well needed reconciliation. The emphasis on FRIENDS is so back, baby✨

By the end of it Ch/arlie gives him a (GENTLE) clap on the back of the shoulder. "Proud for ya, brother! I mean that!"

Before long, Ch/arlie also gets into “excited uncle” territory! Juuuuust a bit more chill than P/im’s level of excited of course but I digress lmao

[tired-of-being-nice]

recovery

soooo you guys know that thing where its like "i had one idea but my characters had a different one"?? yyyyeah. i was like "alriiiight time to write some angst" and zeni was like "actually im Fine™️. that was scary but it was basically just jail with no friends and more religion. and dawn was acting weird. but we're out now so it's fine and they're totally back to normal :D riiiight?" and i was like "....right."

anyway!

cws: none basically. well, referenced death and trauma. but mostly. recovery <3

Zeni, tucked into the back of the car, feels like a little kid again. They doze off occasionally and then immediately jolt back awake, seized with terror that they're back there— but then they feel the cool plastic of the car seat under their head, and see the blessed darkness outside the window, and hear Rosa and Eve conferring in low voices up front, and relief washes over them again.

Rosa's gotten better at driving. Ze's not quite sure how ze feels about that. Proud, definitely, but a little sad, also. And a bit annoyed, since it is zer car.

Ze shifts onto zer side and closes zer eyes with a contented sigh, enjoying the blissful darkness behind their eyes. It had always been so bright back there, it was never dark even with your eyes shut.

Okay. Status check. They're exhausted, primarily, hungry and probably dehydrated, stiff and achy from sleeping on a floor for weeks, bruised in places from some particularly harsh retributions, and it'll probably take a bit for them to stop flinching when anyone approaches them, but overall, could be worse. Has been worse, honestly. They've been fucking dead, after all. Not much can be worse than that.

The worst part, by far, was the loneliness, the monotony, and the creeping sense of despair that had gotten to them by the end far more than Zeni likes to think about. But— they were right! Their stubborn hopefulness came through for once! They're safe, they're alive, and they have their friends again. They're going to be okay. 

(On the other side of the backseat, Dawn leans against the window and does not feel quite as sure.)

[hueynomure]

Hmm, what about this for a kwami swap: Fu manages to snag the Peacock off Colt after Felix is born; believing his old sentimonster to be lost forever, his trauma dissuades him from wearing the brooch himself. The Black Cat has also been lost to treasure hunters decades ago, so when Hawkmoth rises he gives the Peacock to the kind girl who will certainly respect her sentibeings, while the Ladybug looks like a good fit for the earnest boy so eager to do good... so our two heroes face Hawkmoth (and later Black Sphinx), who seem strangely obsessed with the Peacock despite only the Ladybug is essential to the wish. Weird, huh?

Marinette: I'm confused, Duusu. I thought only heroes and sentibeings stood out to the Peacock holder?

Duusu: *blinks, dumbfounded* Why do you think so, Marinette?

Marinette: Because Mister Bug always felt... special?

Duusu: *sweating, having been bound by Gabe to secrecy by some bullshit Guardian ritual* That might be... because... he's... your partner?

Marinette: But my new classmate, CHLOÉ'S FRIEND, stands out just as much?

Duusu: uHHHHH (gabe im gonna MURDER you)

Marinette: ...is Adrien Mister Bug?

Duusu: yyyyeah! That's it!

[demonslayedher]

What were gay and lesbian relationships like in the Taisho era? How frowned upon was it to see them flirting or public kissing (nothing explicit, just casual kissing or "how beautiful you are my love" flirtation)?

Yyyyeah… short answer is that Taisho was a bad time to be anything but cis and straight. And male, for that matter, as the Meiji Civil Code of 1898 made women entirely subordinate to men (like described in this post about Uzui & having multiple wives). While Taisho is known as a period of “free love,” this started to happen later in Taisho, and was more in reference to young couples meeting and deciding if they liked each other first so their opinions had more weight in their marriages instead of everything being decided by their families (described in more detail and used to analyze KnY characters here). As a major cultural shift, teenage girls became drivers of commercial culture, and they saw the world through romantic lenses, and they had standards for who they liked. Kiyo, Sumi, and Naho would likely get to enjoy this era at its height. However, that was the extent of “free love.” As a very, very brief history of Japan’s LGBT history…

...I'm going to say right now, and remind you later on, that this is not a scholarly article and my blog is not a scholarly resource. Also, as I'm writing this, my brain is half-dead from real life paperwork, so it's going to jump all over the place. However, please note that I wanted to focus on facts and history as told about as told by LGBT advocates, because diving straight into the history means you're going to get very different definitions. The modern LGBT community in Japan uses terminology essentially the same as other worldwide LGBT communities, so their angle makes this easier to highlight what's different and what's relevant. As a refresher, I found this article and this article especially helpful, but I do not know how useful Google translate will be on them.

So then to dive into history...

Yes, there absolutely were gay samurai warlords, famous ones, too! Men could be recognized for having straight or gay or bisexual orientation, as sexuality was closely associated with manhood. Women? Pfft. Women don’t have sexuality.* Or at least, that was so generally accepted that no one really even paid much attention to sexual relationships between women; there wasn’t even terminology for it because it was so overlooked. While literature about sexual relations between men (or not-quite-men, as was the case was in beautiful young amab persons) was rampant, literature about the sexual relations between women existed too, but it had more potential to be played off as a joke. After all, women don’t have sex drive, silly.*

*Please note, this is sarcasm.

Being transgender wasn’t really enough of a concept to have terminology for it, either. While there certainly were people who identified with a different gender than they were assigned at birth and convincingly lived like that, or were assigned the opposite gender than their parts implied and were raised that way, historically they were looked at as “men in women’s clothing” or “women in men’s clothing” instead of ever having transitioned from one gender to another, or having been a different one all along. There just wasn’t a sex .vs. gender set of vocabulary to work with, which is why applying labels like “trans” wouldn’t quite translate to the people who lived these experiences, even if they did relate to the core ideas.

OTHER HISTORY STUFF which doesn't translate well into modern ideas

While this is going to take us away from the Taisho topic, there are other points to note which make the historical homosexual culture different from modern LGBT culture, and I’m going to get it all out of my system right here, just so I have this all in one place (this is ONLY a general overview to frame thinking, not a historical resource, do not quote my blog as a scholarly source, I’ve forgotten which books and classes and articles I’ve picked these things up from over the years, and I'm not going to dig back up my 30 page undergrad paper about masculinity and idealized samurai, also, wow, is it midnight already?? Basically, I just have the unfortunate task describing how it wasn't all nice rainbows): --Homosexual relationships usually circled around the romance of power imbalance; one partner having significant social power over the other, and often being much older. This idea is practically inseparable from the Warring States and Edo period notions of sexual relationship between men (so not exactly what we’d call wholesome nowadays, sorry, this is the majority of what to expect if you have any interest in this topic)

--Marriage wasn’t considered a pact between people and gods until the Meiji period, when Japan was going through a strengthening of its own religious convictions as a means of national identity, so Shintoism and Buddhism didn’t exactly prohibit it, it was out of their bounds, kind of

--The Edo period did have anti-gay restrictions due to moral panic, but they were trying to curb all kinds of moral panics that caused societal disturbances, be it Christianity, women in theater, lovers’ suicides, overly enthusiastic displays of bravery through eager seppuku, wearing clothes too fancy for your social class, etc. Jealous lovers’ spats over those dang pretty boys had to be stopped!

--It’s generally accepted that Japan had “acceptance” of individuals of ambiguous gender or who married people who appeared to be the same gender, even if that person wore the clothes typical of a husband or wife role. However, this was not an active acceptance (of the “cool, what are your pronouns?” variety), but a passive acceptance (“that guy’s wearing lipstick… oh well, not gonna ruin my day” variety). It was not the norm at all, but it wasn’t seen as harmful or worthy of a fuss.

--While there’s a long history of literary characters living contrary to the sexual binary and crossing gender lines, the narrative tension of these stories often relied on the idea that no matter how convincing they might be, they can’t escape the gender associated with their physical parts (thereby not a total acceptance or recognition of the label of their choosing). It's not to say you can't find counter-examples, but again, the terminology I've most often seen used was "men in women's clothing" and "women in men's clothing."

--Marriage and family registry regulations did exist in Edo, sort of. People needed to be registered at their local temple for census-like reasons (and for reasons of stamping out the Hidden Christians). Per local regulations (which could be pretty lose), if you were taking a wife you might have had to report her name and what temple her family was registered under, and maybe a really fastidious monk would say, “hey, that name was registered as a son, what the hell,” but it was also kind of easy to fudge the report and find it unlikely if someone would check if that family temple existed or not. --Also, prior to the influence of Western mindsets, the Edo period saw its own resurgences of Confucian values which paved some of the way for societal changes which would come later.

KNOCK KNOCK... IT'S THE MEIJI RESTORATION

So then came Meiji, when Japan very, very quickly adopted Western culture so that they could be on an even playing field with other world powers. While this did mean strengthening their own national identity and army (which is part of what led to the strengthening of family regulations and civil codes, to raise a strong and united populace), it also meant taking in a lot of Western influence all at once, that was when Japan was awash with the concept that homosexuality was a sin. Next thing you know, gay couples (or couples in which one person had male parts but identified as female) were not officially recognized, and then homosexual relations become a criminal act in 1872, but this was later rescinded in 1880. The damage was done, society turned very harsh against homosexual relations. I know, I know. It's the truth you really don't want to hear if you're going for historical accuracy in fanwork. Tanjiro and his cohorts grew up in a time of widespread homophobia. This is your general reminder that fanfiction can be whatever you want and you can choose to ignore this. This homophobia didn’t really go away until the Americans came in in 1945 and restructured Japanese society around personal freedoms. It didn’t take long for gay bars to hit the scene in the 1950s.  

However, clearly sexuality is only a thing men have.* Those Taisho period girls, getting along really well? Clearly they have a sisterly relationship, they’re very close.*

*All sarcasm.

To back up a bit, even straight Taisho couples—proper married ones and everything!—wouldn’t be caught holding hands in public. Scandalous! The women is subordinate to the man, she always walks behind him. Flirting in public? Heavens, no!* While I did get another Ask about Taisho dating and will go into it more there, in general, Taisho couples were considered very shy when it came to dating and courtship. It was their chance to find partners of their choosing, after all, they couldn't afford to spoil this precious freedom. *Sarcasm. Couples found ways. Popular date spots were where they could avoid being seen.

I’m not kidding about that not-holding-hands stuff. It really wasn’t something you’d see couples do, unless they wanted everyone talking trash about them. Couples going on long walks and fancy dates together was totally a thing, but at least under public eye, you kept a chaste distance.

But then how would they express their maidenly passion...?

Love letters flourished in the late Meiji through early Showa period. There were even magazines dedicated to them, still in collections like the National Diet Library Japan. As I can only read modern Japanese these are difficult for me to read, but dang, for what I can make out, they sound like giddy teenage girls of today. They feel like Mitsuri, talking about all those flighty doki-dokis! And there was a particular genre of them, called “S” (pronounced in loanword katakana, “esu”). For “Sister,” clearly.

C-l-e-a-r-l-y.*

*Sarcasm.

So yeah.

Passionate, touchy-feeling relationships between girls, and the tension of being unable to confess love to one another or pining for one another… we’ve still got those letters, in the true Taisho style of flirting. Take that, Edo period Neo-Confucionists. Taisho Period Girl Power.

[butmakeitgayblog]

I'm not the same anon who asked about the story but I would love to know more about when Clarke finds out Lexa is gay. Love your fics and your blog <3

Thank you bby 💕

Clarke finds out by accident.

Gay serendipity, if you will.

It's on a night about a week or so into her ill-conceived visit home when she's bouncing off the walls of her mother and stepfather's very quiet, very 'Bud Lite is hard alchohol, Clarke', very everyone's already in bed by 9:45pm home.

So she does what her little bisexual heart used to dream of back when she'd be sighing over a mountain of homework that she'd put off until the night when there truly was nothing in podunk town to do. She grabs her keys and drives two towns over to the nearest hole-in-the-wall gay bar.

It's not that she's looking to hookup or anything, but she's banking on the booze being cheaper, the bartender less sleezy, and the music being at least nominally better than any of its close straight counterparts. And she gets a few raised eyebrows at her obviously not-from-around-here attire, but it's find cuz Clarke works well under pressure snd it's no time before she's 3 drinks in and made best friends with the bouncer decked out in leather.

So imagine her shock when she traipses her way toward the bathroom in the back, already mentally planning her gymnastics of how she's gonna pee in this place without actually having to touch anything, when she catches a glimpse of a familiar head of brunette in the corner.

That? Pulls her up short quick as shit. Steps fully grinding to stop, need for a bathroom long forgotten.

Because.... yyyyeah... Ok.

Ok.

That's... That is definitely Lexa.

That is Lexa sitting in the corner of dingy gay bar, wearing that godawful sweater and nursing what looks like a whiskey sour.

The same woman who'd lead every student council anti-drug and alcohol school assembly. The same woman who'd been active in 4-H Club and who'd probably made honor roll when she was still in diapers. The same woman who'd sassed Clarke just a few days prior for being stupid enough to ask if Gus's could manage a cappuccino or an espresso, and had served her up a cup of plain black coffee instead.

With a smile and an offer of her choice between regular or decaf, and the option of store bought hazelnut creamer or sugar free vanilla ("We keep it stocked for Mr. Parker's diabetes" she'd explained for no reason at all) if Clarke would like, because customer service, obviously.

So yeah, that is definitely her sitting there sipping her drink while reading a book in a bar, because of course she would be.

And Clarke approaches her with all the grace of a bull in a china shop, making her way over and plunking down in the small table's spare seat with little more than a, "What in the hell are you doing here?"

Lexa, having far more tact and just a bit less liquor in her system, marks her place with her finger and flips the book closed and greets Clarke with a perfectly friendly, if not tired, "Hello, Clarke."

As though running into each other at gay bar isn't something worth causing Clarke's brain to short circuit.

"What are you doing here?"

"I suspect the same thing as you," Lexa says on the tail end of a dainty sip and rattle of the ice cubes in her drink.

Which, yeah duh, obviously that makes sense, but also, "How— Wha— How did I never know you were..."

"A lesbian?"

It's the way she says it. With just that soft lilt of amusement mixed with a touch of scandal, all glinting eyes in the bar's neon lowlight and those ridiculously full lips pulled up in a secret kind of grin.

It all has Clarke struggling to ignore the sudden swoop of her belly as she sits back in her chair. "Well... yeah," she breathes around the inexplicable feeling that somehow her entire childhood had been a lie. "How did I never know this? How did no one ever know this?"

Lexa just shrugs.

"No one ever bothered to ask."

And that lands like a boulder-sized punch to the gut. Because she's right. And Clarke knows it.

A piece of her aches imagining how lonely that must've felt.

"I'm bi," she finds herself blurting just to fill in the awkward silence that stretches between then and because it suddenly feels important that Lexa know that about her as well.

Lexa must take mercy on her, or maybe it's just pity with the way she nods, like that wasn't a completely redundant and idiotic thing to say considering they are both sitting in a gay bar.

"I know, Clarke."

"Wait, you already knew?"

"Yes."

"Since when?"

"I'm honestly not sure."

"We did— You and I, we never talked... How exactly did you know then?"

She hums and tips back another sip. "Hm... In the wise words of a great thinker that came before me, 'One can observe a lot just by watching'."

Clarke can't help the roll of her eyes, because of course Lexa would still spout philosophical crap when drinking whiskey. "What does that— Is that some kind of zen shit or something?"

"Mmm, close," Lexa says in a quiet laugh. "Yogi Berra. Dad's a big baseball history fanatic."

Right.

She should've expected something like that.

Because Clarke is in fact still talking to the Alexandria Woods. The one who can't seem to manage to just be normal at any goddamn point in her life. But as perplexing as this woman is - as she's always been, apparently - that still doesn't answer her question.

"Okaaay. So, what? Are you saying I was obvious?"

Lexa's eyes feel magnetic. Dangerous at how they pin Clarke under their stare. The few seconds it takes for Lexa to slowly shake her head feel like an eternity in Clarke's mind before she offers up nothing more than simple, "No."

Clarke has no idea what to make of that answer.

And Clarke decides right then that maybe she's too drunk for all this. For this woman and her riddles and her general weird ass confusing... ness. Maybe her brain is just too addled by cheap beer and the faint scent of cigarettes to make sense of the night's revelations on top of the look Lexa sits there and gives her.

Or why it has her body getting warm and tingly from the inside...

So she excuses herself in the form of a scraping chair legs across the linoleum and an eloquent declaration of her suddenly dire need to pee.

Lexa takes it stride. As though she'd been expecting as much all along, not missing a beat as she flips her book back open and goes right back to her saved spot on the page.

Clarke can only manage a grunt in return in her haste to get some air when Lexa quietly tells her to get home safe.

[totaldramafan-lauri]

Ugh....there was a post I wanted to do today, but the video I was gonna link to has been deleted....! Crap....I-I still wanna talk about this, but now it'll have to be a case of "take my word for it, bruh", cuz I dunno how many people even know these exist....

B-but...y'know....I'm feeling confident enough in talking about Golden Cheese now, that....I'm gonna do it anyway....

So.....unused voice lines!

She has quite a few! Like I said, there was a datamine video that shared all of them. It makes sense, given how long we were waiting for her, that things changed about her in development, and....yyyyeah, while most of those lines were just alt takes of stuff she still says, a few of them DO, in fact, prove that she WAS originally gonna be a meaner character.

I suspected this after the artbook stuff was retconned, but yeah, it was planned at one point! I think they changed her for the better, cuz....l-let's be real, her being genuinely caring while also having an ego is SOOOO much cooler than just being another mean queen character.....This change is PROBABLY also why they got rid of "Kneel before me!" I bet they thought that line didn't fit her anymore...(I still found it cool tho)

The line I really wish I could share most of all is "I am the bright sun, shining over this...dull place!"

Seriously, this line was soooooo good. You could practically hear her roll her eyes as she says the last two words! X/////D If I have to guess, this was gonna be one of the lines she'd say while wandering around your kingdom, and it was replaced with "Such a quaint little kingdom you have here~" Which is kinda similar, but a LOT more affectionate....or genuinely amused....or both, heh.....^//////^

There's a big difference between calling your kingdom dull, and calling it quaint.....X/////D

Other highlights from the video were "Have you heard the legend of the golden land? That is my kingdom~" (this one hurts cuz it CAN still be in-character, why did they not use iiiiiiiit) and "I do not act on a whim!"

Even without the video, I can still talk about how her VA is so so so so so good....I-I'll never understand the dislike her English voice got when she was new. People expected her to sound more "raspy" and "tomboyish" when she was NEVER that way.....Just goes to show that sometimes headcanons can be hard to let go of....>.>

[divineatrophy]

what are your favourite armandaniel scenes of s2?

ohoho HMM I really need to rewatch s2 because I didn't even notice devil's minion was a thing period until like halfway so my mind wasn't fully open to the possibilities

I guess I do have to say the memory-digging scene about alice because it awoke the madness inside of me and also WHAT WAS ALL THAT? louis being a bitch. armand with the big sad eyes and the 'she wanted to say yes'. daniel actually thrown for a loop. scene of all time. I went back to when my friend introduced me to the armand is alice theory and I like barely reacted at the time but I'm pretty sure it planted the seed in my brain like a bomb.

also found this ironic bit

and THEN I DID ANYWAY (okay m&m will only be half novel length but still. my may self didn't know what my july self knew.)

the almost-eating scene in 2x05 changed lives of course but that whole episode changed lives.

actually to have a little more interesting answer I will say I've been thinking a lot about no so much scenes as lines/delivery as I'm writing because I've been really obsessed with getting their voices right and I think it's fun to either reflect certain bits or rework them in the new context. big ones on my mind lately are the 'yeah' / [bitchily] 'yyyyeah' because it's just so weird and funny, and the always iconic 'where does the bullshit start, armand, amadeo, arun' which I've been been DYING to play around with...but that's all I'll say about that one 👀😶

[vanmarkus]

This doesn't prove anything about Tommy in season 8 but I do find it funny that the 912onabc Instagram account follows all the mains and regulars, including Lou but not marisols actress (forgot her name, sorry)

yyyyeah I feel like that is one of the biggest indicators of Lou staying on for the next season (and maybe after, I truly, truly hope that the fans' reception of him and his character will make them wanna keep him around regardless of where the bucktommy storyline is headed)

but Marisol is bust that is very clear — in all fairness, she is only around because Tim said it would've been narratively bad to have both Buck and Eddie have an off-screen breakup and Natalia's actress not coming back sort of forced his hand in the matter. But ngl I do enjoy the way Tim excluded her from both milestone episodes of the season (7x04 and 7x06).

and I for one can't wait to get rid of her 🥰