#youre in good company

[fobnsfwdoodlesbackup]

Hiiiii!! I wasn't sure if you meant to send the ask anonymously so I cropped it just in case :3

BUT THANK YOU!! AGHHH I wasn't sure how to draw it at first so I looked up some micro/macro art and was like oh. Like Ohhhhhhhhhh.

Anyways, ahem. Might be a kink of mine? Not sure! Id love to see more stuff of it in the fandom! The dream would be able to do a whole comic of it I think 👀👀👀👀

[giantkillerjack]

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

[plain-text version of this post can be found under the cut]

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

Plain-text version:

Today my therapist introduced me to a concept surrounding disability that she called "hLep".

Which is when you - in this case, you are a disabled person - ask someone for help ("I can't drink almond milk so can you get me some whole milk?", or "Please call Donna and ask her to pick up the car for me."), and they say yes, and then they do something that is not what you asked for but is what they think you should have asked for ("I know you said you wanted whole, but I got you skim milk because it's better for you!", "I didn't want to ruin Donna's day by asking her that, so I spent your money on an expensive towing service!") And then if you get annoyed at them for ignoring what you actually asked for - and often it has already happened repeatedly - they get angry because they "were just helping you! You should be grateful!!"

And my therapist pointed out that this is not "help", it's "hLep".

Sure, it looks like help; it kind of sounds like help too; and if it was adjusted just a little bit, it could be help. But it's not help. It's hLep.

At its best, it is patronizing and makes a person feel unvalued and un-listened-to. Always, it reinforces the false idea that disabled people can't be trusted with our own care. And at its worst, it results in disabled people losing our freedom and control over our lives, and also being unable to actually access what we need to survive.

So please, when a disabled person asks you for help on something, don't be a hLeper, be a helper! In other words: they know better than you what they need, and the best way you can honor the trust they've put in you is to believe that!

P.S. Also, I want to be very clear that the "getting angry at a disabled person's attempts to point out harmful behavior" part of this makes the whole thing WAY worse. Like it'd be one thing if my roommate bought me some passive-aggressive skim milk, but then they heard what I had to say, and they apologized and did better in the future - our relationship could bounce back from that. But it is very much another thing to have a crying shouting match with someone who is furious at you for saying something they did was ableist. Like, Christ, Jessica, remind me to never ask for your support ever again! You make me feel like if I asked you to call 911, you'd order a pizza because you know I'll feel better once I eat something!!

Edit: crediting my therapist by name with her permission - this term was coined by Nahime Aguirre Mtanous!

Edit again: I made an optional follow-up to this post after seeing the responses. Might help somebody. CW for me frankly talking about how dangerous hLep really is.

[timethehobo]

Rmb to take your vitamin Emmy!

[iguessthisisanewobsession]

Danny: So I may have did a bit of an oopsie daisy.

Jazz: … define a bit.

Danny: you know how you were telling me about the two main ways of conditioning?

Jazz: Yes?

Danny: And you remember how I said Pavlov’s dog sounded strangely familiar?

Jazz watching her brother pace: Danny?

Danny: Well, there’s this guy in my lit class who was very pretty and I heard he was vegan and you know that giant bag of vegan candy Sam sent?

Jazz: Please tell me you didn’t.

Danny: Not on purpose! You know how big that bag is! And I can’t just throw it way it’s good candy! So I just, kept giving him a couple pieces when I saw him! I didn’t even realize what I did until I passed him in the hall earlier and he nearly smiled at me and he never smiles!

Jazz: only you little brother.

Danny flopping on the floor dramatically: he just looked to the floor in confusion Jazz! Like visible confusion!

[pearly-sims]

Me in the middle of any conversation I’m having at any given moment

[cursedxwt]

Yi Sang's rizz is unstoppable

[bogkeep]

there's something so deeply dystopian to me how tech companies don't understand that a forced convenience is not a convenience at all. i'm sure autocorrect is helpful for many, but a function that forcibly changes my actual written words and punctuation is taking away my language. photo filters can be nice but i need to choose using them myself or else i have lost the ability to take the picture i want. i don't want a machine to draw or write for me. taking away the option for me to do things manually feels like violence!!!! all this talk of endless opportunity, why are you RESTRICTING me

[sunshades]

ok i was saying. heathcliff:

3 ids mirroring women but he's always serving it masc as hell

was "a weak child"

past arts always have him layering clothes or slouching

had that one haircut at 18

person he's known since he was a child makes him feel unguarded and weak but is also his closest friend and person that knows him best in the world

grew up competing with and imitating a horrible male role model, then realized that wasn't the type of man he wanted to be and decided to forge his own idea of masculinity

out of linton's many insults he's particularly hurt by the comment on his worth as a man and how he would never be a proper husband

goal is to become a "man of quality"- initially meant as a thing about money and appearances, but after his canto it becomes about being a trustworthy guy who can protect the person he loves and whom people can rely on, a role he's actually proud of

gets flustered and really happy when commented on how he's "grown into a right proper gentleman"

pequod id wears chest bandages (because u know he of all people wouldn't do it safely)

is literally from T Corp.?

trans man

thank you for listening

[musubiki]

its been a while since my last summer mochi 🌺🏖️

[boku-no-anime-phase]

[DDD episode 11]

Momo approaching Okarun: 🤩😁🥰😄☺️

Momo being approached by Jiji: 😐🙄😑😒😮‍💨

Momo for two seconds when offered a Little Treat by Jiji: 🤩

Okarun: she's still in love with Jiji and this is proof. She likes him way better than me and he's better for her. It would be better for all of us if I quietly cut myself out of her life. I will do this on this evidence alone without consulting her and without doing any further observation or consulting with anyone,

[goldkirk]

I get that everyone wants TikTok back but do we understand how bad it is that it’s happening the way it’s happening. Like we do understand how much of a horrifically choreographed process this is to boost and benefit Trump right. Can we all take a second to pause and go “hey wow something’s been getting fucked up and fishy for days now with Trump being turned into the hero about this even by the TikTok company themselves all of a sudden”?? (more chatter in the tags re tech companies and authoritarian autocrats)

[pastlivesandpurplepuppets]

[...]that movie was an emotional roller coaster for me. I was called in as a consultant on some scenes, and it was tough. It brought everything back, especially later on when we all got to go to France for the premiere. Skip’s family was there. What’s so interesting is that the actor who I became closest with was Richard Speight Jr., the guy who played Skip in the miniseries. The first time he called me, he was politely asking me questions about Skip so he could better portray him, and damned if I didn’t hang up on him. Not because he’d done or said anything wrong. Because I just couldn’t take it. But as the filming began and we got to know each other, Richard became a great support to me, this kid half a century younger than me. Never made me feel like some sentimental old fool. Told me he understood my emotions. Said it was OK, that I was emotional because Skip and I had meant so much to each other and that was a good thing, not a bad thing. That meant the world to me. You have to understand that it took me nearly forty years before I could look at our 1942 company picture and not break into tears, particularly if it was December or January.

~ Don Malarkey

[gree-gon]

this should be a mechanic tbh

[cherryspiders]

I’ve rewritten this many times but I think simple is best: I enjoyed the cr3 finale and I think the cast deserve to have that happy ending, narrative or whatever be damned. Some of them irl had to evacuate due to the fires and while I understand the people upset by the lack of narrative weight (which is a term I’ve seen being thrown around) I just never saw a universe where Matt (who notoriously loves his friends) would’ve ever done something different than allow his friends to have their characters have their happy (or desired) endings. I don’t want to diminish anyone’s feelings, and I think a lot of the constructive criticism is actually very healthy to express. But god, truth be told, there’s been a lot of rancid negativity in the fandom as of late and with this finale people are lashing out and while that’s a testament to just how much people cared about Bells Hells and their story I honestly think some people just need to sit down and reflect before they type. I know there’s quite a few people who hate to hear it as an excuse but guys, it’s their game. And I think with all of the awful things happening in LA with the fires I think they deserve that happy ending. Don’t forget to be kind.

[somegrumpynerd]

He's so normal

[shotmrmiller]

Thinking about Kyle wanting to get with reader SOOOOOOO bad that he's very willing to ruin any potential relationship they might get into

But one of those times, the potential partner fully catches on and tries to warn reader that Kyle is manipulating them, but reader doesn't believe them because "Kyle wouldn't do that. He told me what a piece of shit you are."

giving cbf.

any time you show interest in someone new, kyle is there, undermining the potential relationship. he moves with the precision of a scalpel, every action calculated, deliberate. he's clever about it too, when planting seeds of doubt. a casual comment here, a seemingly innocent question there, all spoken with careful words to make you second-guess your choices. easily slips into conversations and steers them in the direction he wants.

when making plans, kyle's always there, finding excuses to be near you and inserting himself into them, all while keeping up the facade of a concerned friend. he's just worried, darlin'. you don't know the bloke and he's already trying to get you drunk. if you're that interested, let him come with. he'll keep an eye on you, just in case.

he's protective, you say. only keeps my well-being at heart.

no, he's possessive. jealous.

he wants to keep me safe.

he wants to keep you all for himself.

you don't see it because it's impossible to see what simply isn't there, but what you do see, is a glaring incompatibility. the audacity of a stranger pretending to know kyle better than you do. his ignorance is palpable and his nerve nothing short of astounding. you're done here.

"split the check, please."

kyle waits for you outside, shrugs his jacket off, and places it over you, the warm smell of him filling your senses. the gesture is familiar, comforting.

"terrible guy. should've never wasted my time with 'im." irritation bleeds from your stiff shoulders he rumbles a laugh, feeling it settle in your chest.

"'course not, darlin. told ya he's no good. i've got a sixth sense for these things, yknow."