#your life doesn't end due to this diagnosis

[crayonurchin]

21 year old Me: I guess I'm just paralysed by fear of alcohol forever it's just who I am OCD: :3 21 year old me: OH

22 year old me: If I drive I'll murder someone so I must not drive OCD: :3 22 year old me: wait is THIS why I asked for convention tickets and not driving lessons on my 16th birthday??

23 year old me: It's totally normal to be so scared of failure you never try OCD: :3 23 year old me: God damn it that's obvious

24 year old me: I think it's totally normal to be afraid that everyone is constantly on the verge of suicide and that if I don't prevent it I technically killed them OCD: :3 24 year old me: you soN OF A BI-

25 year old me: Despite having never once questioned my gender identity in my life, if I don't figure out right this second if I'm secretly trans and need to cut off my boobs, I will surely die and everyone will think I am transphobic OCD: :3 25 year old me: I am this close-

26 year old me: As long as I constantly monitor myself to be as perfect as possible, nobody will know or suffer how horrible I actually am OCD: :3 26 year old me reaching for the rusty stapler: okay you little shit...

[homunculus-argument]

I was born and raised American, but with everything that's happened over the past few years I've been considering moving to another country. but I don't know if this is just "the grass is greener". Not sure if this really fits with your blog, but as someone from Europe what's your attitude towards living in the US?

I've visited there a handful of times and most of my thoughts are "damn bitch, y'all really live like this?" People in Finland like to complain about the climate, the taxes, and how stingy the welfare systems are (if you currently rely on them) or how costly they are (if you're currently not relying on them), but honestly most of the time that's because people are used to having it so good, or don't really have a perspective of how bad everyone would be doing without the infrastructure that everything runs on.

Sure, nowhere is perfect, and there's always room for improvement, but honestly the people I've met in the US only really seem to think that their system is good because they've never been anywhere else and don't know any better.

Mostly it's stuff that you'd never think about if you hadn't been to both places, like being able to trust that tap water is drinkable or that you can safely walk/bike to wherever you need to go. The US really doesn't have the kind of ability to just hang out in public places, just walking to the town and sitting on benches. Having public parks and libraries isn't really the same if you can't just walk there, and you genuinely need a car to go anywhere.

I moan and lament a lot about how the winters here are hard to endure - at the darkest time of the year the sun rises at 9 and sets before 5 pm - but I wouldn't move from here just because of that, mainly because of how reliably everything is structured here. Sure, it's all run with funds from relatively high taxes, but that is a self-feeding loop on its own. The tax-paying workforce isn't a disposable resource that's wrung dry once and tossed out when it's broken, but even when you're just another cog in the machine, you're one that's maintained, not replaced if broken.

I had a lot of breakdowns when I was younger, largely due to depression and other mental issues I had due to the undiagnosed ADHD. When I started breaking down at work in my old factory job, they couldn't just fire me on the spot because of the workers' union fought tooth and nail to make sure that you can't throw people out for getting sick, and mental illness is treated no different from other health issues. I was allowed to take two years off work in order to study into a career I thought would fit me better. That didn't turn out well either, but I was still allowed to bounce back and forth between odd jobs, sick leave, and studying - all on government pensions during the spots when I wasn't working a wage - until I found the right diagnosis, the right medications, and the right job.

It's not a hyperbole to say that I owe my life to the ample and studry social welfare systems that Finland has in place. Sure, you're just another brick in the wall, a cog in the machine, but if you keep breaking down, it takes a long time until they completely give up on you if you can somehow make them believe that you're trying, because it's cheaper for the tax system to figure out how to make you fit into the machine than just toss you out. A human being is an expensive investment and if getting you to the right job, education, diagnosis, medication or even arranged housing is what it takes to get your ass back into the workforce, they'll at least try.

I'm perfectly happy to pay the taxes here to fund the system that helped me onto my feet when I was in no condition to function, and to support the people who never do recover, find their place, or be able to support themselves on their own. And I can live with the peace of mind that even if I fall apart again, that safety net is still there. It's brutal, pragmatic, and regards your health and welfare as a means to an end - to get you working and paying taxes again - but they still do prioritise your welfare. Cogs are cheaper to maintain than replace.

[pikatrainer99]

Kieran is autistic and you can't change my mind!

Okay, I KNOW that I'm not the only one who holds this headcanon...but I wanted to do an analysis on Kieran anyway, especially since my best friend @sinnohanvulpix said she'd love to see me do one. Credit to her for all the screenshots used btw. The GIFs on the other hand were either found on Google Images or created by me using gifrun.com and these YouTube videos:

I did not use my own footage for this at all...as proof here's what MY character in the game looks like...he has my real name but I tried to make him look like Orange which is why he has the orange eyes 😅

(Sorry for the bad quality btw...taking pictures of my Switch screen is hard 😅)

Okay, now without further ado, let's get started with the analysis!

First, Kieran has a CLEAR special interest in Ogerpon, he admires and looks up to her, he was obsessed with the story of the ogre, he was always trying to go to her den and meet her, he has a meltdown when Ogerpon chooses the player over him, etc. Carmine even says that Kieran "really really REALLY likes the ogre" and that made me think, "Ah! Special interest!"

And then at the end of the Teal Mask he gains a new special interest in getting stronger to beat the player...and he hyperfocuses HARD on that...to the point of it being detrimental to both his physical and mental health, as he was doing nothing but training during that time...he barely ate, barely slept, just trained...and that is not healthy. It's a rare example of media showcasing a special interest being unhealthy and absolutely CONSUMING one's life, and the consequences do actually show for it.

Kieran is very introverted and doesn't know how to make friends very well. I actually think the player is his first friend considering his surprised reaction when the player says they consider him a friend, and following this, he quickly becomes a bit...too attached to the player, as he doesn't quite understand how friendships work.

(This is also such a neurodivergent way to say "I'm so happy I finally have a friend")

He also struggles socially, as is a requirement for autistic people to qualify for a diagnosis. Kieran specifically has a hard time reading social cues, he struggles with making eye contact, he has clear anxiety when talking to people as proven by his little stutter he has at times.

(This is an adorable screenshot 🥺)

He also struggles with social and emotional processing (and might have alexithymia as well due to his sudden huge outbursts of emotion), and he also struggles with initiating conversation as well, as seen when he tries to talk to Penny at the League Club. They both have no idea how to even start a conversation with each other and it's honestly pretty adorable seeing the two quiet adorkable kids trying their best to hold conversation. I get it, you two, initiating conversation is really difficult for me too.

Also the way they try to start the conversation by talking about the weather...that's really funny and ironic to me because that's what NTs do all the time. NTs always use the weather as a small-talk conversation starter but NDs like me (and Kieran and Penny too apparently) just don't get that stuff.

(These two are so neurodivergent it's great and I love them both 🥺)

Kieran also has four in-game animations that I personally see as stimming. The first one is him tapping his fist against his hip when he's thinking or nervous.

(Focus your attention to his hand here and you'll see it.)

The second one is him playing with a strand of loose hair, usually when he's nervous.

(The little nervous side glance at the player is relatable and adorable 🥺)

The third one is a more agitated stim that he only does ONCE in the entire game...and that is tapping the front of his foot on the ground. I do that myself when I'm agitated or impatient, somehow it's comforting, especially since for some reason I really like the way my shoes sound when I tap them on the ground... especially since I got my brand new Infernape-themed shoes, they sound extra satisfying because they're brand new.

(This is not the way most people tap their foot...I've never seen an NT do it like this...only other NDs such as myself and one of my brothers)

The fourth and final one is, unfortunately, a stress stim...Kieran runs his hands very fast through his hair and it also looks like, to me anyway as someone who has self-injurious stims myself, that he is digging his nails into his scalp as well while doing that. I do something similar myself, though on top of running my hands through my hair and digging my nails into my scalp, I also pull at my hair...yeah... self-injurious stims are no joke...and I'm kinda glad Kieran's autism coding brings attention to that aspect of autism...at least in my eyes as someone who does those things myself.

(He's in so much stress here, poor kid 😔)

Another aspect of autism that I'm surprised and kinda glad that Kieran exhibits as an autistic-coded character is meltdowns and shutdowns. Kieran has actual meltdowns in the game! This is something we have never seen in such an in-your-face way in any Pokémon game, and as someone who regularly has meltdowns myself, it hit me in the feels whenever I saw him having them. His first meltdown is in the Teal Mask when he steals the Teal Mask and runs off to Loyalty Plaza where he battles the player. He yells at Carmine and the player for treating him like an outcast...which is unfortunately something that happens to a lot of autistic people, myself included. Kieran screams at the player and Carmine for for lying to him while doing his stress stim, before running up to the Lousy Three's shrine and punching it, without any regard for his safety, which is also something autistic people may do during meltdowns...I know I have no regard for my safety during mine. After that's all over he gives the mask back to the player and goes home, leaving the player to talk to Carmine alone, who says that she's worried and thinks it's just "teen angst". When I saw that I was like, "...Uh, Carmine...I don't think it's just that, I think your brother is neurodivergent and really needs a lot of help and support because he's struggling a lot right now..."

His second meltdown is also in the Teal Mask, when he wants Ogerpon to go with him but Ogerpon wants to go with the player...Kieran can't process that and doesn't understand how to take Ogerpon's feelings into account, instead demanding the player to battle him for the right to be Ogerpon's partner. He collapses on all fours after being defeated again, and it gets worse...he looks like he's crying while the player battles Ogerpon in order to catch her. After the player catches her, Kieran wonders why he can't be like the player, and runs off crying, locking himself in his room for the rest of the story. The end of the Teal Mask has him doing his stress stim while being consumed by a new special interest in a very detrimental way...that interest being becoming so strong that no one can defeat him...including the player.

Kieran's third meltdown is in the Indigo Disk, after the player defeats him in the championship match. That meltdown is a full-on cutscene, where it is CLEAR to see his spiraling mental state through the visuals, and he holds his hands on his head like he has a headache while trying to process the fact that he lost to the player AGAIN (which is also relatable as someone who struggles with processing difficulties myself...it really does give headaches and it is one of the worst feelings when I just can't process what's going on around me or the emotions I feel or anything really)...he collapses to his knees and looks like he's breathing very hard as he is so upset and distressed at this loss. It is definitely one of the most heartbreaking scenes for me because this is a CLEAR CUT MELTDOWN in my eyes and it hits me in the feels like a TRUCK to watch that cutscene.

Also, in the Terapagos fight, Kieran has a bit of a shutdown for a bit, standing there frozen, thinking he's useless and can't do anything right (which is relatable as I have regular shutdowns as well, and I also constantly feel like I'm a failure of a human being who can't do anything right)...but let me tell you, when the player finally gets him to snap out of it and convinces him to help and he opens his eyes revealing that the light is back in his eyes as well as visible tears...I cheered (and teared up myself). My boy was back, and I was so happy.

(When I first saw the tears I was like, "NOOOO don't cry Kieran! 😢)

Also in the Indigo Disk, Kieran seems completely different and "no longer like his usual self". His autistic traits are (mostly) nowhere to be seen as he becomes much more serious, angry, assertive,and aggressive. I personally see this as a persona he puts on by masking, which is common for autistic people to do. I myself can't mask, but Kieran definitely seems to be masking here by putting on this persona in order to get stronger and seem stronger as a person as well. This is NOT his real self, this is a FACADE!

We see him start to drop the mask again in Area Zero when he says it seems like they're in a spy movie or something and how cool that is, but once the crack in his mask is pointed out he immediately puts it back on.

After everything in the under depths ends, and you go back to Blueberry Academy, he drops the mask again completely, and goes back to his real, adorkable, relatable self...and stays that way from then on, which made me so relieved and happy.

(This is my favorite cutscene in the entire DLC because of how adorable it is and also how neurodivergent Kieran is being here while apologizing for all he did 🥺)

In conclusion, I think Kieran is a great example of an autistic-coded character who has many relatable traits, and also does a good job showcasing some of the more "unpleasant and challenging behaviors and traits" (NTs use that terminology a lot, not me... that's how NTs unfortunately view NDs a lot of the time) of autism. I used to be afraid of him during the post-Teal Mask pre-Indigo Disk era but that was my trauma and PTSD talking (I talked about the emotional rollercoaster Kieran's story arc took me on in another post from last year after I finally worked up the courage to play the Indigo Disk...feel free to check that out too if you'd like). Now though I can wholeheartedly say that I love and appreciate Kieran a lot as a character, and his relatability is definitely a big part of why he is a big comfort character for me now (please Pokémon put him in Pokémon Masters EX, PLEASE I will literally cry from joy if he gets added to the game)!

Hope you all enjoyed this autistic person's analysis of yet ANOTHER autistic-coded character in Pokémon! I know I had A LOT to say but that just proves how relatable Kieran is, and I love him for that. Let me know what you think and if I missed anything in the comments below!

[apple-and-berry]

Queen of Tears presents us this incredibly flawed couple in such a heartbreaking yet funny way that it will tug your heart strings and will tickle your belly.

This is a story about how two people who are irrevocably in love with each other but are separated due to miscommunication. This is not a story about who is right or who is wrong or who suffered more. It's about how different each human being is and how we act regarding that.

Hyun-woo fell in love with Hae-in for who she is without having the knowledge of her family background. Like mentioned in the show he wanted to be by her side. This shows his devotion and loyalty to her. But what happens when your wife treats you in a cold manner infront of your office colleagues and doesn't stands up for you when your in-laws are constantly insulting you. Some people may say that she did support him behind his back but it doesn't work like that. What happens when your wife clears out the nursery built for your child that both you and your wife wanted but lose due to miscarriage, you are obviously hurt and angry. Would you feel okay if your partner doesn't care about your parents and your side of the family going as far as not saving their contact numbers and not visiting them. People would say she did help his father when needed and it only happened after the change of heart she had after her diagnosis, so I appreciate Hae-in for doing that but that doesn't cancels out the rest. Hyun-woo felt ghosted after the honeymoon phase of their relationship ended. It's a taxing process to be with someone who refuses to have conversations and internalises everything. He felt isolated in that relationship and Hae-in who was supposed to be by his side played a major role in it. He was miserable in that relationship because he comes across as someone who is definitely commucative and understanding. The thought of separating from her unscathed was a luxury he desired but couldn't dream. So he was happy and content with the knowledge of her dying because in that moment he was looking after himself. I don't agree with his reaction but I understand how toxic and awful things must have gotten to bring out such a reaction from someone who once doted on his wife. He is someone who doesn't have a single bad bone in his body and Hae-in obviously loved him but her actions were quite opposite. It was nice to see him realise his mistakes and take ownership of it and continue to do the right thing.

Hae-in is the best example children growing up in broken homes. Her family dynamic shows that you can have all the luxury and money in the world but love and togetherness can't be bought. Growing up in such situations can always make or break a person and in her case it broke her. She is someone who internalises everything because she thinks no one cares about her feelings and that she would be a burden if she told her problems. Her family has the biggest hand in her being that way. Her mother accusing her for her brother's death when she was a kid herself and then continuing to treat her that way is sad. It's no surprise that she thinks she doesn't deserve to be sad after the loss of her baby. She was happy in the brief period of time when she and Hyun-woo dated and later married because he was the first person who truly saw her and wanted to be with her. She loves him, there is no denying in that but as they say actions speaks louder than words. Regarding her I always question myself that would she have a change of heart if not for her diagnosis. The diagnosis obviously plays a big role in her life and now she is looking at things with different perspective and is trying her best to mend. I liked when she said she divorced hyun-woo because of everything he suffered during their marriage. She is taking accountability.

I just want both of them to actually have a real long conversation. I want both of them to put whatever they have felt on the table and work on it. Its not about who is right, it never has been. It's been always about their marriage.

[necroromantics]

So it’s not Toby I headcanon with BP, it’s Jeff. And it’s kinda the reason why I feel hesitant to write him. I’ve been reading up on stuff recently about BP and how to write characters with the condition, but I was wondering if you had any tips? I don’t want to contribute to any misinformation.

ALL ABOUT BIPOLAR DISORDER + WRITING IT

Warning. This is a very very very long post. LMAO

Ok so when it comes to writing any character, you need to understand that they aren't a real person, they're a storytelling device. They don't really work on the same logic systems of reality like we do in the real world. So when you're writing a character with things like mental health issues, it's important to view it as "How does this contribute to my story" or "How does this fit into the unique logistics of my stories reality"

But in order to bend (not break) the rules when it comes to portraying mental health issues, you need to first know the rules, and then work to weaving that framework of the real world into your fictional world/character.

For example, my OC Tobin has bipolar disorder, but it doesn't really come up in the Creepedverse story cuz it just doesn't fit in as a storytelling device. In reality, throughout the story, Tobin would have at least an episode or two over the course of the year the plot takes place. An important thing to consider is how a characters mental health issues contribute to the story you wanna tell. And if it doesn't, its ok for it to just be a lil side thing you know about.

Now for actual information on Bipolar Disorder (which is shortened to BD, NOT BPD. BPD is a completely separate disorder called "borderline personality disorder", they are very different though people constantly mix them up due to terminology similarities)

There are two main types of bipolar disorder that someone may be diagnosed with, (theres also cyclothymia which is like diet bipolar with hypomania/mild depression, and schizoaffective bipolar which is like schizophrenia and bipolar mixed, but Im not getting into those today). When writing a character with BD, its very important to note how the disorder actually effects them. Remember, a disorder is something that causes a person significant dysfunction and impairment in their day to day life. It negatively impacts them in many ways such as personal distress, their relationships, job, finances, etc.

Bipolar Type 1: The requirement for being diagnosed with type 1 is the presence of an episode of extremely high energy/moods that lasts more than a week, OR ends up being so severe the person gets hospitalized. This lengthy period of high moods is called a manic episode, which Ill get into later. You only need to have experienced one manic episode to qualify for a bipolar diagnosis. Thats why you can only experience mania if you are bipolar, cuz the moment you're manic, you fit the bill for bipolar type 1. Make sense? Most, but not all, people with type 1 also experience periods of extremely low energy/moods called a depressive episode. These lows are not required for a diagnosis, but they are very prevalent. They may last weeks to months. The main thing about type 1 bipolar is the manic episodes they experience that cause them significant distress in life.

Bipolar Type 2: Type 2 is diagnosed if someone experiences a hypomanic episode that lasts more than 4 days, AND a depressive episode (not at the same time, but within the same year). Hypomania is a mild form of typical mania. If someone experiences extreme mania, they will be diagnosed with type 1, never type 2. In type 2, its the depressive episodes that cause a person the most distress, while in type 1 its the mania. Depressive episodes are typically more severe and last longer in this type, and the hypomanic episodes are typically mild and short-lived enough for a person to not even notice theres a problem there. Both hypomanic and depressive episodes are required for this diagnosis.

Now you know the two different common presentations of bipolar, but you need to understand exactly what a bipolar episode looks like. The WORST thing you can do is to misinterpret them simply as mood swings. In reality, its more like a merry-go-round where youll drop and stay down for awhile, or youll go up and stay up for awhile, or youll just relax in the middle without any ups/downs for a bit.

Manic Episodes: Manic episodes are only prevalent in type 1 bipolar. A common misconception is that you can experience mania without bipolar disorder, but that isnt true. Mania is the hallmark feature of BD, so it isnt associated or experienced with any other disorder. It isnt a symptom, its a defining feature. But what are the symptoms of a manic episode? Remember that mania is very severe, and causes significant impairment in someones life, often the person ends up hospitalized. The common symptoms are a lack of sleep (~0-2 hours), very high moods/euphoria, racing thoughts, talking very fast and often not making sense to others, and taking dangerous risks/being impulsive/irresponsible without any sense of judgement or forethought. Mania presents differently in a lot of people, but generally its like very very high energy coursing through your mind and body to the point you feel like youre zooming or gonna explode, jittery. You might laugh a bunch at nothing, act very erratic, irritable, say shocking or distasteful things cuz you cant slow down enough to even think about what youre saying. You might ruin relationships, scare people, quit your job/get fired, get into trouble with the law, drain your bank account. Psychosis is also something people may experience with mania, such as delusions (grandeur ones commonly) and hallucinations. You might feel like you're completely untouchable, overly confident, like youre the king of the world. Its like everything is moving in hyperspeed, your body, your thoughts, your mouth, and its pretty overwhelming. Very commonly, a person in a manic episode doesn't realize they're in a manic episode. They might question it, but they brush it off as "its fine, I feel good" or "this is just how I am" or "Im not manic Im just in a good mood"

Hypomanic Episodes: Hypomania is like mania in the sense that the person experiences high energy/moods. The main difference is that hypomania is mild, and not severe enough to require hospitalization or immediate psychiatric treatment. Type 1 may experience hypomanic episodes as well as manic episodes, but this is not required for that diagnosis. In type 2, hypomanic episodes are required. In a hypomanic episode, someone might suddenly be very happy and social, they may get very productive in life, optimistic, and a bit eccentric. Due to the high energy, you don't feel as if you need as much sleep to function (~3-4 hours), and you might begin to talk a lot, overshare, ramble, go on nonsensical tangents. You might get more irritable and antsy. Risky and irresponsible behaviour is common too, such as impulsive decisions without regard for consequence, carelessly spending money, high sex drive/unsafe sex, etc. Cuz hypomania isnt as extreme as typical mania, most people dont even realize when they are hypomanic, its very often brushed off by being in a good, productive mood, or that a person is simply extroverted, or energetic. Bipolar people tend to have unhealthy relationships with both manic and/or hypomanic episodes, almost glamorizing the high moods they experience, especially during depressive episodes.

Depressive Episodes: Depressive episodes are a period of extremely low energy/moods. They typically last longer than mania, ranging from weeks to months. Sometimes a short period of depressive symptoms occurs right after a manic episode called a "crash", but this doesn't necessarily mean its a depressive episode. Bipolar depression is typically regarded as a bit different from typical depression, due to the nature of the disorder. The common symptoms are hopelessness, oversleeping, fatigue/tiredness, slow thinking, lack of concentration, irritability, feeling worthless/bleak, and a loss of passion/interest in things. Its like the other side of the same spectrum as mania, with similar changes such as appetite, sleep patterns, energy levels, irritability, etc, just in different ways. Depressive episodes can cause someone to socially isolate, or experience suicidal thoughts. You might feel more emotionally sensitive, or like nothing will ever get better. Its like suddenly a filter of hopelessness, negativity, and sadness gets put over your brain and eyes, and the world loses its colour, and everything sucks so bad all you wanna do is lay in bed and rot. It feels physically heavy, like youre dragging weights. When manic you might feel very fast and light, when depressive you might feel very slow and heavy.

Mixed Episodes: A lesser known episode that may be experienced is a mixed episode. Any type can experience this type of episode, but it is not required or considered for any diagnosis. Its sort of like something that happens instead of something thats a hallmark feature of bipolar. In a mixed episode, someone will experience both symptoms of depression and mania at the same time, or in rapid succession/back and forth in short bursts. This is typically regarded as the most distressing and severe episode to have because of the combination of both episodes. You might feel like your thoughts are racing, or like youre going crazy, but at the same time youre so tired you cant get out of bed. You might feel very very energized, but have thoughts that youre hopeless and worthless. You might laugh, and then start crying, like youre being shot up into space and then thrown into the bottom of the ocean. You might feel very jittery, but a pain in your chest, or an exhaustion you cant shake. You might also experience a burst of joy, laughter, very high energy where youre talking super fast and speaking nonsense and acting erratically, and then immediately you start to feel very sad and slowed down, like everything hurts, and is meaningless. Mixed episodes are very painful to deal with, because youre being constantly thrown around, and you cant get a grip. Rates of suicide are higher during these periods. Not everyone with bipolar may experience mixed episodes, and it will present differently for everyone. It may last a couple days to even weeks.

So theres a rundown for the different episodes. To write a bipolar character, think about the type of bipolar they have/how it presents, and then think about how their episodes may impact them contextually. If a character is manic at a certain point in your story, what actions may they take, or thoughts, or interactions, that will show this? Can the people around them tell when theyre in an episode? What gives it away? What behaviour cues show their episodes? For me personally, my fiancee can always tell when Im in an episode, cuz of my eyes/behaviour. She says my eyes get more wide and sorta erratic looking when Im manic and I move around very quickly like Im restless, and when Im depressive, my eyes get more heavy/tired looking and I move very slowly and less expressive. Remember that someones episodes, especially mania, will have an impact on the people/world around them, not just internally, it causes issues externally as well. Someone might cause a lot of destruction or drama or get into fights when theyre manic and impulsive, they might do crazy or ambitious shit just to drop it, they might socially isolate and sleep all day when depressed, or not show up to work or school.

Another thing to consider is the persons cycle. This is how many episodes a person experiences in a year. If they have proper treatment, they may experience ~0-2 episodes a year, if not, they may experience ~1+ a year, typically in the 2-4 range. This means that someone who is treated with the proper medication may not experience any episodes at all, or they might experience milder, shorter lived episodes a couple times a year. Someone who isnt treated is very susceptible to experiencing more extreme and lengthy episodes, and more often in a year.

Rapid Cycling is when someone with bipolar experiences one episode after another. So they might be manic for a week or so, and then immediately experience a depressive episode right after for like a month, and then back to being manic. Typically, someone with bipolar will experience plenty of time in a year in between their episodes without any significant manic/depressive symptoms, like periods of stability.

Triggers for a bipolar episode are usually lack of sleep, stress, alcohol/drug use, and even changes of seasons or life events can trigger a high/low in someone. Everyone has their own unique triggers that is important to recognize when it comes to treatment and preventing episodes. Think about the triggers your character might have, and what they might be exposed to in your story that could cause this. Episodes may come on as a gradual up/down climb, or very suddenly.

Thats really all I got for information on bipolar. The biggest issue I see is just the way people write bipolar episodes as mood swings. It's not being happy and then suddenly really angry or sad, its not changing your mind really quick, or suddenly switching up. Its moreso long periods of high/low energy. Thats why I say "episodes" instead of "mood swings", cuz its not a mood swing at all, its very literally just random periods where you'll experience an episode of mania or depression. The classic "mood swings"/switching up thing is more closely related to borderline personality disorder which is VERY different from bipolar, despite them being mixed up so often.

This was very long but feel free to send in more asks if you need any specifics. I just tried to cover all bases cuz its good to know what youre working with before you work with it.

[butch-reidentified]

do you actually have a genetic disorder??

how does it work whats it called

I have vascular-type Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome (vEDS - though many patients prefer to use VEDS for reasons discussed in the link at the end of this post). it's a connective tissue disorder with several subtypes, but vascular-type is the only type that's deadly. current typical life expectancy is like 48ish, but even then, that's if you take a certain class of medication that I can't take (makes my blood pressure so constantly and severely low that I become bedbound) - when I was first diagnosed with unspecified EDS, the lifespan estimates for VEDS were closer to 40 years. that doesn't necessarily mean I can't possibly live a good bit longer - there have been patients who've lived about as long as a typical healthy person, but there's no way to predict it or mitigate it. lifestyle, in this case, makes basically zero difference. I could be the fittest and healthiest lifestyle person on earth or be a couch potato who eats nothing but fast food and it wouldn't really mean much in terms of this either way.

I've posted before about my EDS (never in detail idt) & it's mentioned in the About Me section of my Pinned, but had avoided getting the test for VEDS until fairly recently - not fully intentionally, just got caught up in life and kind of already suspected based on certain traits and symptoms I have that are associated with the vascular type (including a history of SCAD*). it's actually good I waited bc they found a new variety of the gene mutation since my initial diagnosis that may be present in a whole 50% of VEDS patients!

*SCAD = Sudden Coronary Artery Dissection, often considered a type of heart attack, where your artery just zshlurps n pops a hole in it. I recently had read a few studies showing that female people, especially if otherwise broadly healthy, are more able than males to heal from SCAD without or with very conservative medical intervention (I don't even go to hospital atp for pretty much anything my body does, but I did briefly die once and have posted my NDE experience here before), however I'm struggling to find these studies all of a sudden. that said, the below AHA article mentions that "among patients with acute myocardial infarction, patients with SCAD have a lower risk of mortality, which is attributed primarily to their younger age, female sex, and low prevalence of atherosclerotic risk factors."

[kindlyre]

Can you talk more about your personal headcanons for Rantaro?

uhhh shore!!! :3

he has thirteen siblings overall, twelve sisters and a brother

out of those, his brother and oldest sister are blood relatives. his brother is a few years older and they have a... complicated relationship. his sister is his (younger) twin

he has a pretty bad case of conduct disorder and has been compared to enoshima on many occasions because of it

his sisters have no idea, his twin kinda realized as she got older, his brother is 100% aware

rantaro's dad divorced his mom when he was about nineish, took his sister in the custody battle, but the dad fought for the two boys in the hopes that one of them would amount to SOMEthing

this is hyperspecific but. the "-taro" suffix is usualy reserved for the oldest son, so the reason rantaro is named that was because his brother ALREADY didnt live up to expectations, so his father saw rantaro as a replacement and named him accordingly

rantaro's talent came about because he has conduct disorder- the chronic boredom is why he travels so much in the first place, and the risk taking behavior commonly associated w cd is why he gets into so many Situations that make for good headlines

he's banned from morocco because he got caught graverobbing. everything he took had to be given back, except for ONE thing he got away with. he keeps it in his capsule necklace

yes he does drugs but he managed his habits well until shortly before his appearence in danganronpa 52, where he started getting worse cravings

rantaro used to have a mix of clear headed travels that are more backpacking or in rural areas or mountain climbing, AND stints in big cities where hed do some drugs and gamble

a thing he likes to do is get real messed up on drugs, black out, then play some irl geoguesser when he wakes up in some random ass location

this is why he didnt seem too concerned when he woke up in v3; he's used to just waking up in odd places and not remembering how he got there

mmmmost people with conduct disorder dont actually go on to develop aspd, which you can only be diagnosed with once you turn 18. rantaro is in the minority yaay #lostcause (that is, if he'd lived to 18)

he near-exclusively calls himself "a sociopath" because he got tired of explaining that thats not a diagnosis anymore and you cant even get the renamed diagnosis till youre eighteen and he'll Totally Be Fine By Then He Promises and that he has something else entirely, because people kinda didnt care much so he just stopped explaining

he still very much wants to find his sisters but even when he DOES find them, he's always too nervous to approach them because he feels like they would maybe not like a baby sociopath as a brother

(he's had symptoms all his life and was never all that good at hiding them. his sisters like him just fine, lmao)

HE KNOWS WHERE HIS TWIN LIVES he could literally go see her at any time. he doesn't. he's simply too ashamed of how he is on account of being compared to the girl who Ended The World all his life

rantaro's got a nasty violent streak and one of the reasons he wears those rings like that are as a brass knuckle subsitute

he's attacked and even tried to kill his father on MULTIPLE occasions due to his treatment of both rantaro himself and his sisters

he's a gambling addict though if you asked him he'd say it's "just fun sometimes" and its not that big a deal because he's rich, he can tank whatever he loses

he likes big open spaces like the ocean or the great plains; he finds it a nice reminder of how HUGE the world truly is and how, despite all he's done, he's only experienced a fraction of it. it makes him excited for his next adventure

he loves his sisters, but it's in a kind of... detached way? its hard to explain.

his relationship with his brother is even harder to explain- they fight a LOT but they're kind of the only family each of them has, but they're still pretty distant with each other (a lot of it is gonna be in fics im doing so i lowk dont wanna spoil it aaaaaaall~)

rantaro has always wanted to fall in love, but it hasn't happened yet

he hasn't fooled around with anyone, he's saving himself as it were for the person he falls in love with. he used to tell people this, but stopped after like 95% of the responses were variations on how that was such a surprising sentimentality for Someone Like Him

he's well aware that people see him as a sickopath first and a person second, growing up in a post-tragedy world with the bad luck of having the same mental illness as the person who caused the whole thing. this is a contributing factor in why he's so distrustful of other people

other factors include seeing atrocities, corruption, et cetera traveling around, AND the abuse he faced growing up and how his father is continuing to get away with it due to his wealth

even so, rantaro absolutely has used his wealth to stay out of prison. it sounds hypocritical but rantaro is a mentally ill 14 year old whom nobody really knows how to (or wants) to help in a way that actually is respectful of him instead of treating him like a nuke that needs to be disarmed, and his father is an adult man who uses his wealth to take advantage of poor women to fuck their daughters. so its a bit of a different situation i think

uuuuuuuuuuhhhhh

i think you deserve a few fun ones after all that

he's sicilian on his mom's side

he tans a LOT in the summer and has a lot of freckles, you can barely see them if he's not tanned lmao

he's a natural brunet and his hair is really thick so it gets tangled easily; he got an undercut largely so he didnt have to deal with so much of it

he has a stick n poke tattoo on his leg, though it's so blown out and faded that you kinda can't tell what it is. not even rantaro knows what it is (a sailboat? maybe?)

he did all his own piercings; they're all staggered on his right ear because he's left-handed (except his left lobe, but tbf its easier to do that than your cartilege)

people are generally aware that there's Something Just A Little Off about rantaro, including some of the killing game participants, but some of them wouldnt have minded, honestly

these ones are oumami ones for Me but rantaro likes kokichi's view on morality and that decoding kokichi's lies means they effectively have a secret language

and because of just how odd kokichi is and how outlandish his lies are, rantaro'll never get bored of him

kokichi asks "am i boring?" and the guy with Chronic Being Bored Disorder always says "no, never"

they invented romance

haha cool a guy with muted emotions concerning other people fell in love in a killing game and is now feeling a bunch of new, strong, overwhelming emotions! i wonder if this can be exploited in some way!!!!!!!!!!!

woof this got LONG!!!! anyway we love exploiting the mentally ill for shock value and television. team danganronpa sucks, good thing we don't do that!!

anyway if u want some elaboration on any of these hmu!!! i love to yap!!!!

[anonzentimes]

What is your thoughts on komaeda's life expectancy? Since he have 2 chronic illnesses, Will be survived?

(I am bawling my eyes out thinking about this angst)

There's a few ways you can approach his eventual death, I don't like when people erase his diagnosis entirely though as a method to have him live unless it's an au I suppose Lol. I think he probably outlives his life expectancy due to his luck post canon but regardless everyone dies at some point. What really gets me is the situation where people think Nagito should die last, if it's for angst sure, if not THEN ABSOLUTELY NOT GOOD GOD. Nagito's biggest fear in his life is dying alone, if he dies last that causes his worst fear to be realized. He gets to heal, he gets to have a found family, and to see them all go one by one, and eventually still in the end die alone is such intense angst I CAN'T. Nagito doesn't need to be the first to die but my golly him being the last to die kills me.

[theboookwitch]

Love Next Door spoilers below (and ranting that is not friendly to Seunghyo's character so if you don't want to partake, scrolling is free)!

It's actually so annoying how there are so many dramas that people love and adore that I just can't be obsessed with due to being a 34 year old with a fully formed frontal lobe and at least a decade of being treated terribly by men lol

Like I wanted to be obsessed with Love Next Door. I genuinely enjoyed the first like 4 episodes. I need to start out by saying the acting is incredible and I would die for Mo-eum and the reporter and his daughter. I deeply related to Seokryu as a burnt out older daughter with a difficult relationship with her mom and all of her family's expectations. I loved that in the first 4 episodes you could see that yes, while they did bicker, the genuine friendship and care was still there. And I typically love a "he fell first" moment. BUT...here is where my issues come into play.

I cannot fucking stand when it's a friends to lovers story and the man falls first and then goes on to treat the FL like actual dogshit bc she's not living up to the expectations in his head. Like Seokryu does not know that Seunghyo likes her. She continues to treat him like he's her lifelong friend that she deeply cares about. And at every single turn, he is acting like a petulant child. You can say "ohhh but he does all this stuff for her when she's not looking! it's so cuteeeee." I don't care. To her face, he keeps telling her things like that she needs to grow up and leave the past behind. When she brings him the food she makes on the first day of class and he turns it down in such a mean way and then gets all pissed off and jealous when her ex eats her food? I was so annoyed. He had ten fucking years to tell her he liked her and yes...timing was off and things were fucked, but that doesn't mean you can treat someone like that who has no idea why you're behaving like that. She looks so hurt and confused. And he gets mad at her for everything and instead of being an adult and communicating or just idk having the thought of like "oh my crush is my fault I can't take it out on her" he continues to be a dick. Telling her she needs to move on and they can't be close or whatever like he wasn't the one who remodeled her room and moved back to his parents as soon as she came back to Korea. Like he wasn't the one who told her the time capsule letter was a joke.

Idk maybe bc I've had close guy friends before who like ended up treating me like shit bc I allegedly friend zoned them when I genuinely thought we were friends but they got it into their heads that I owed them sex bc we were friends...but I can't handle that shit. If you cannot get your shit together and confess or if you cannot get over your feelings and treat a woman with the same respect you'd treat any friend, then it's hard for me to root for you. Also like...y'all ever notice that when women have unrequited feelings, we don't tend to be assholes to the person we have the feelings for? Bc we don't automatically assume we deserve their love and attention?

Also, even before he finds out about her diagnosis, he knows that she's at least going through a massive break up, work burnout and quitting a job and also moving back home - like if he's allegedly her best friend...why does he treat her like that when she's going through it? If he loves her so much, how is he making this like super rough time in her life completely about him? I get it - he also has trauma and was raised with parents who do not talk and that I'm sure has informed his life. I understand. Truly. BUT!!! While trauma can be a reason for your actions, it is not an excuse to then go ahead and be a dick to people around you.

Also...his reaction to her diagnosis...once again making it about himself and his hurt? That is not the move. I don't care if he is scared and angry and hurt. I don't give a fuck about his feelings. SHE HAD CANCER!!!!!!! AND HER ALLEGED BEST FRIEND WHO LOVES HER CALLED HER PATHETIC!!!!!!! HELLO?????

If that happened to a friend of mine, I would hunt that man down and beat him to a pulp.

Once again, I will say that the acting is amazing. I love Jung Haein and Jung Somin. BUT when thinking of this stuff in reality, I just was getting so mad every episode. There are so many ways to get around or get over feelings without being an absolute asswipe.

Sorry I needed to rant bc I haven't seen one post of anyone thinking anything is wrong with his behavior. Just tons of posts talking about his feelings...weirdly enough, I've seen people call Seokryu selfish. Love how that happens.

Anyways, I'm gonna wait for the fanfic where Seokryu ends up with his ex and they live a beautiful lesbian life making beautiful pottery and beautiful food and beautiful love.

[blindmagdalena]

Here is another "let me pick your brain" lol.

I was wondering what your thoughts are on whether Homelander would die for Ryan and the endless debate about Homelander's mental illness.

I was arguing this point, and I personally thought he would. The person disagreed due to someone citing Homelander's narcissism and sociopathic personality.

We also disagreed on what and the spectrum of mental illness he suffers from. My personal belief is that he is that he is on the spectrum of grandiose narcissism, sadism, and APD (specifically sociopathology). I wouldn't put him completely in any of these boxes because he repeatedly demonstrates behavior that doesn't fit nicely in them. Still, he certainly has tendencies that fit somewhere on the spectrum of these disorders.

so, i don't feel qualified to talk on the diagnosis (even fictional) of these various mental illnesses, but i'll happily talk about what i believe is in character for Homelander, and what narratively makes sense to me. first and foremost, he is a tool in a story, so he's bound to make choices that don't fall in line with any singular diagnosis, but instead best serve said story. from the perspective of the writers, anyways.

yes, i think under the right circumstances, Homelander could sacrifice himself for Ryan, and i think that precisely because of his ego. it's important to remember that Homelander thinks of Ryan as an extension of himself. he wants for Ryan the life that he never had.

minor speculation/spoilers mb for season 4, but Homelander is getting older. that's going to be a crisis for him, and the only chance he has at any kind of legacy or immortality IS Ryan. his son is his second chance and his proxy.

all that said, i know that i'm presenting the Vader narrative. redemption at the last minute through death. that's not the spin i would like to see on this situation, though.

i don't believe in accountability for fictional characters. i don't believe redemption and love and sacrifice are all easy or clear-cut subjects that can—or should—be spoon fed to us. stories are tools of human emotion just like music and poetry and art, and emotions are messy.

were i writing for the series and it came down to "Homelander has to die for Ryan. Go." i would frame this as an impulsive move on Homelander's part. an honest to god miscalculation in a crucial moment driven by his instinct to protect his son. we already saw Homelander turn his back on a hostile enemy for Ryan's sake once. had Butcher not also been swayed by Ryan's injury, that right there could have been a death sentence.

in my minds eye, Homelander dying in Ryan's arms is straight up denial. he looks younger than his years and confused, like he just can't really process that he, a god, is dying. it doesn't make sense. so he assures him, "Hey, it's okay, bud, I'm right here. It's okay. Your dad's here."

because in the end that's all he ever wanted for himself. someone to love and protect him despite his strength and powers. and the only way he's going to get it is by giving it to his son.

[spaghettificationandpretzels]

Writing Resources: Chronic Pain and Illness

Sp's resources for Content Creators Materialist

Trigger warnings for discussion of chronic pain and illness. Other authors are more than welcome to add their own points and I will update the link in the masterlist as more is added. Alternatively, send me an anon ask or DM if you want to remain anonymous. I have more than one chronic issue myself, I will use the block unbutton if you're an ass about this.

Chronic pain and illness have little to no representation in fanfiction. If you wish to add these to your story and you don't experience the subject yourself, please do research using medically accurate sources.

Patient Care and Health Information - The Mayo Clinic. Look up the condition in the search bar.

The NHS website Look up the condition in the search bar.

Another good resource is forums and subreddits.

2. Even people with the same condition have different experiences, be careful not to make blanket statements.

3. Women, POC and members of the lgbtqia+ community are less likely to get treatment, more likely to be treated like drug seekers and are more likely to be misdiagnosed or have to wait much longer for an accurate diagnosis. Similarly, their issues are more likely to be blamed on mental health issues and hypochondria.

4. Someone living with a chronic condition may not have a 'normal', or what they consider normal may be disordered. Some people with chronic conditions may not know what not being in pain or being well-rested is like. When I was younger and before my current treatment, I was never hungry or out of pain, this shocked people when I told them, it was as normal as breathing to me.

5. Doctors can suck, some people are outright terrified to get treatment due to past experiences. I was treated like a drug seeker once and now get the shakes before seeing a new doctor for fear of being called an addict.

6. The things people experiences do not care what you have going on. They can steal happy moments in a flash and render someone unable to leave their home, it's common for someone with a chronic condition to need to plan everything down to the second (or feel like they need to), cancel at the last minute or worry that they won't be able to enjoy something they have looked forward to.

7. We are not looking to be babied, I know my own limits and will express them. There is a line between a character being caring and infantilising. Having said that, there are times when I haven't expressed my needs for fear they will be ignored. If you are writing a caretaker scene or character be careful to ensure the other person still maintains their autonomy.

8. Empathy, not sympathy. Sympathy is looking down at someone in a hole and telling them they can climb out, empathy is getting in there are helping them out. Sometimes the best thing someone can hear is "I have no idea what you're going through."

9. Chronic conditions are systematic, it's not just pain, it's also brain fog, being unable to sleep or stay awake, having problems controlling emotions, and changes in appetite and sex drive.

10. There is never a magic cure, chronic conditions are a part of someone. Making them disappear doesn't mean a happy ending because, in real life, they don't disappear. It doesn't make someone less than others if they don't get better.

Part Two: Chronic migraines

[captainkirkk]

✩ WEEKLY FIC ROUND-UP ✩

All the fics I’ve read and really enjoyed in the past week-ish. Reminder: This list features any and all ratings and themes.

Chainsaw Man/Mob Psycho 100

None but the Brave by Zykaben

When Reigen finds a kid with dangerous powers and no one to turn to (why does this sound so familiar?) he can't help but get involved. Just until Denji figures out the whole half-devil thing and starts feeling alright again. The only problem is that Reigen isn't so sure that Denji was ever alright to begin with and really, it would be irresponsible to leave him on his own.

... Reigen is about to end up with another kid, isn't he?

(Or: Reigen finds Denji instead of Makima. Everyone is better off for it)

DC (Batman)

Vrykolakas by Chemical_Processes

(Warning: contains cannibalism)

Tim Drake lives with monsters. The same monsters behind Batman's latest homicide case.

free (as a bird) by hollow_city

Tim spent the first eleven years of his life with an ignored diagnosis and quiet hands. but now that his parents are gone, he's really trying hard. or, one time tim didn't have anyone to support him and a bunch of times he did.

Clone Wars

Compulsive Honesty by afoundling

Seven clones and a Jedi get dosed with truth serum and trapped in a confined space for 5 long hours

a tionas ra a jag o’r linibar be nuhoy (a mystery or a man in need of sleep)? by foreverchangingfandoms

My second fill for Codywan sleep bingo, featuring a very tired Cody, a Jedi who decides sleepwalking off a ship onto a planet to find something to cuddle is a good idea and the clones being cuddly.

Fills: Bunk, sleepwalking, disturbed sleep, little spoon, snoring and sleepover (bingo card in the end notes of the fic)

Welcome to Demon School, Iruma-kun!

Cherry Blossom Mischief by IcyPheonix

Trying to hide a crush is hard enough.

Trying to hide a crush when you have succubus blood running through your veins that has other ideas on the matter, is nearly impossible.

That doesn't mean Asmodeus isn't going to try.

I (Don't) Care by Zykaben

Balam says something he shouldn't have to Kalego. Kalego thinks nothing of it. He then proceeds to think about it far too much.

(Or: Kalego figures out that Iruma is a human and he doesn't care, he really doesn't, shut up.)

my love from the star by thewunderkind

The Ouija Board @tobnews  • 9h

It has been officially announced that on the 27th of November, Suzuki Iruma-sama will be crowned as the 13th Demon King of the entire Netherworld! Congratulations, @irumakun ! Stay tuned for more news about the royal crowning.

Or the one wherein the internet spirals into chaos due to one particular video uploaded by a certain blonde HellTuber.

Is it sharing if you didn't ask? by FandomsandFlowers (+ podfic)

Iruma is wearing Azz's clothes. Azz doesn't know how to deal with this.

[the-palelady]

I was reading your carrd earlier (looking to see if your requests were open for later 🫣) and I saw you suffer from a chronic illness. Do you mind me asking if that affects how or what you write about?

IF THAT’S TO PERSONAL I UNDERSTAND!!! But I also suffer from a chronic illness myself, so I like to hear what motivates other people 💚💚💚

omg no worries it isn't too personal at all. although i won't delve into it too much. i'm kind of glad to see an ask like this seeing as i'm just now coming out of one of my slumps.

i was diagnosed with my illness when i was 15 which i guess is fairly young for what i have, and despite my diagnosis a lot of the doctors i went to didn't treat me for it???? even though the diagnosis was clearly written in my charts, they treated me for other things like bipolar depression and bpd. they were...basically in denial of my diagnosis, said i was too young, etc? i didn't find a good doctor until i was 23 (literally last year), and i'm just now on the path to getting properly treated for it. unfortunately because i went so many years not being given the correct medications and what not, it kind of got worse.

so i do tend to step away from social media or disappear for extended periods of time. in the past, this has offended people, but at the end of the day, i have to take care of my peace, and i believe everyone should do this. at the end of all of this, we all die (that sounds awfully morbid, i know) but it is the truth. i don't want to spend my one chance at life trying to prove something to everyone and trying to please everyone around me. it just doesn't seem right or fair.

i've always been a people pleaser, but as i've become an adult i've broken that habit. this is my life and i need to do what's right for me, and if stepping away from social media or not speaking to anyone can help that than that's what i'll do. i believe everyone should do that if that's what they need to do in order to protect themselves. everyone deserves to be happy. everyone deserves to do what they love.

this includes my writing. i don't write about what everyone else wants to see. such as my bloodborne au. bloodborne is a very niche game. not very many people have played it due to it being a playstation exclusive, but it is also considered old and outdated. i wrote about it because i love ghost and i love bloodborne. did it get as many interactions as other cod writers works within the community? no, but i don't care about all that. the people that did interact with it i am incredibly grateful for, and i'm happy they enjoyed it. but at the end of the day i wrote it for myself. ghost has been a comfort character of mine since i was a kid, and bloodborne has been my comfort game since its release. combining the two was just a silly little thought i had.

since the beginning of this blog it's never been about how many followers i have, how many likes or reblogs i can get, or how many people notice my writing. it's just been about sharing my writing with people who might take interest in my dumb ideas. if you read it and interacted? thank you. i'm so thankful and appreciate you so much. if not? that's okay. thank you for being here. i appreciate you as well, and i hope you have a wonderful day. numbers don't matter to me. i'm just here because i love some fictional guy like everyone else.

i hope everyone here writes about the things that they love and not because they feel obligated to write what their followers want them to. but i also hope everyone here, not just people i've interacted with, or people i follow, but anyone who reads this, takes the time to take care of themselves, and steps away if need be. your mental health is always important.

(simon isn't going anywhere, he'll be waiting for you when you get back ♡)

[mayhems-cannon]

hey, i know it might not help your fears, and the other asks said some of this, but i just wanted to hop on and ask: does portraying gabriel in the way you do help you? like, does it make you feel happy or comforted in even a little way? because that's what's important. people are always going to pick up different things from media. no matter how "canon accurate" someone tries to be there will always be a twist in it somehow, everyone's perceptions and fulfillment they get from media is different.

yapping ahead so tune out now if you want but:

I don't think it's possible to "portray him wrong" unless you're super strict about canon. even you said it yourself: we don't really know anything overly personal about him.

there's already a piece of media portraying him in the way they want, and it's the game! the fun thing about fanon is it explores different aspects and view and it's new! if people dont like some of the fandom portrayals, they have the option to walk away and just play the game.

i think we all see ourselves in characters we really like. and there is so little representation of people with mental health issues that struggle in the less accepted "cutesy" way in media that sometimes you need to make it yourself. It's treated like this thing to be ashamed of, and that honestly gave me a sour taste when i was reading the original post talking about making him an "overly sensitive crybaby".

characters and people are multifaceted, and they can have a sensitive struggling side and also an angry, protective, fierceness. those things can both exist in the same space, life is not black or white. there shouldnt be shame in trying to show a character in a way that comforts you, makes you feel seen, and not so alone.

people love your art. and it has made ME feel much less alone, undesirable and ashamed in my life of mental health struggles as a trans man, and of my recent bipolar diagnosis.

well, it does help calm my fears a bit, thank you a lot for writing this. i know it's rather silly and extremely childish to fawn and melt myself mentally over how i draw or portray a character, how obsessive and immature it is, but at the same time it's like i owe him so much, it's really odd to try to explain. i am a bit more clearminded now, but i'm still glad you sent this. thank you again so much.

characters and people are multifaceted, of course, but again that raises my fear of flattening him to simply "mentally ill and depressed to the point he cannot function properly alone anymore". admittedly that isn't really... flat saying it like that, but what i mean is simply to say i'd just reduce him to be a piece for suffering, which so far i don't seem to have done seeing people's positive reactions to what i draw of him (something that i'm still not fully used to).

what the original poster might've meant is the way he is written possibly being overly dramatic due to circumstances surrounding the work, stuff like being the usual teenager unable to fully understand emotions and reactions and thus going with extremes as a way to get their message through (i know that because i tried doing it as a 13 year old). but that's only one example, among a sea of possibilities, and even then it doesn't remove that stigma you mentionned, that gave you a sour taste. not everyone is depressed to the point of barely being able to function but at the same time why judge people who do write him with any sort of mental illness? be it as a form or projection or not, be it done "well" or "nor", it's not worth judging it in the end, right? (what does being an "overly sensitive crybaby" mean anyway?)

I write Gabriel like that not only because i want to see myself in him but also partly because, in a way, i do want to "make him my own" while also listening a minimum to the people who enjoy it. i don't know if i'm writing or drawing anything that's all that accurate in the end, but the least i can do as a trans guy who's just projecting is to take note of my surroundings and reactions and while i put them onto Gabriel see if i understand things right, coming from anyone around be it friends, mutuals or anyone. in a way it's serving as a "save state" of the stats and mental state i'm currently in, if that makes sense and isn't too much idiot rpg talk .

i'm gonna try to keep drawing Gabriel the ways that help me before anything though, it's just rather anxiety inducing to see someone you respect agree against something you fear you might be doing do all the time.

again, thank you for telling me this. it's hard to keep on going when you forget what makes you happy but this genuinely helped me quite a bit.

[drh3nryj3kyll]

Hello! I’ve seen your posts and reblog an about nod as well as other people’s and they were a bit nervrackingly relatable. I did a built of research on it but I want to know a bit about it from a real person who has it before I try to get diagnosed. So can you tell me like symptoms and things like that? If you’d like

Of course! I'm assuming you meant NPD and nod is a typo. Just a warning, I am self-diagnosed (I've done months of research and reflection, though, and was in denial for a while) but I do plan to get an official diagnosis sometime in the future, I don't trust mental healthcare here but I might try the next time I see my psychiatrist.

Anyway, I'll get started. The experiences of pwNPD (people with NPD) may vary, but I'll speak from my experiences.

I tend to be very self-focused, arrogant, and especially hyperfixated on the idea of me being successful. My need to be successful, to be someone is something that deeply affects me in my daily life. I might act like I'm the best and seem quite pretentious, but admittedly, the self-esteem of pwNPD is extremely fragile. Big ego (which is also fragile), fragile self-esteem. I also withdraw from any situation in which I know or think I have a possibility of failure. For me, this includes music. I also tend to get pettily upset at even the smallest losses, like, for example, when I lost a simple checkers match with my partner. That was well over weeks ago, but my ego still hasn't recovered from that. A lot of pwNPD also have difficulty with empathy. I'm not sure if my low empathy is due to my autism or my NPD, but I experience it nonetheless. I have a lot of difficulty imagining what others feel like or even caring about how they feel, even if it's someone I like. I do try to help or comfort them, but inevitably I don't empathise with them. It's rare, but I have heard of high empathy pwNPD too. Many pwNPD struggle with vulnerability as well. It makes us feel weak, incompetent, the sort. We don't want that because we want to see ourselves as perfect, which is why it can sometimes be really difficult to trust people with our feelings. I don't even trust my own boyfriends to be vulnerable with them.

Why does NPD develop? NPD develops usually in childhood to early adulthood, and is lifelong. Most of the time it's from childhood trauma or excessive praise at an early age. Now me? My father was mostly absent during my entire life, I'm hyperverbal, meaning I was able to make use of language at a very early age, and I'm a skilled artist and story writer, I've also been very knowledgeable and curious, and quite ambitious at a young age. Of course, this led to the adults around me constantly praising me when I was young, constantly indirectly setting expectations for me, telling me I'd be something great. Soon, the praise, at least from my mother, felt very half-assed and I started feeling like I was doing something wrong. I'd always been very ambitious, so I don't know how I could live with myself if I died a nobody. I've had some trauma too which really stressed me out, etc., which could've contributed to how I am now.

There are also things like narc crashes. NPD crashes often occur when a pwNPD doesn't have enough supply, but it may happen after receiving critique or otherwise too. Supply is what narcissists need to keep themselves from crashing, which typically includes amounts of praise or compliments. When I crash, I tend to withdraw from people and be overly critical of myself or quite angry, and it often results in my mental breakdowns or meltdowns due to my incapability of handling strong emotions.

And heres a resources masterlist, they have a diagnostic criteria somewhere in there too https://www.tumblr.com/mischiefmanifold/728311937261355008/image-description-dark-pink-text-on-a-pale-pink?source=share

Even if you do end up not having NPD but still seem to struggle with things we do, or if you do find out you have NPD, here are some things that you might find useful.

Make people aware of your needs. It's okay to ask for a little praise or compliments once in a while, and they can really make me feel better and prevent me from crashing or having a meltdown. I also have a bot for compliments over here.

Keep a little collection, maybe a corner or an album, of things you're proud of. When you're feeling worthless it can help to look back on previous achievements and strive to be better.

Remember to be patient with yourself. It's fine to be the way you are, it's fine if you won't change, it's fine, really. But I know if you're struggling with how NPD or NPD traits affect you if you do have it, you can definitely find a way to properly accommodate yourself and your needs to live better.

I'm still learning myself on how to accommodate my needs and work through my struggles, but I hope that helps.

Tell me if you have any more questions or concerns!

[mymadmedleyw]

[starting an AuDHD blog...?] Lately, I have been thinking about many things, mainly my brain. So to say, it is nearly impossible to get a diagnosis in my country (either you are on a waiting list of ~3 years or go private, costing a lot of money, which I currently don't have, and if I have 300-400k spare on my account, I'd instead consider to spend it on my studies and finish getting my Mathematician degree that I still cannot let go). So, especially as an adult (and masking female), seeking help to reach a diagnosis is complicated, taking many steps to even start your way. I have been going on psychological sessions for half a year now - not cheap either, but less than a psychiatrist (who could assist me on the way to diagnosis). First, I wanted to start this mental issue slowly and get help with my brain either way. Talking with someone helps a lot. It doesn't solve my problems, but finally, I can express my thoughts, worries, and past traumas (believe me, I have a lot, and some of them startled my psychologist as well). Due to the sessions in the past months, I became more open to discussing my feelings with others. The help I get helps my sibling as well. Her problems and personal feelings have become validated, too, and I am telling her what my doctor says to me. Overall, it is beneficial. And seriously, I cannot imagine how my life could be now without the chance of opening up to someone. However, I know that for further steps, I'd need more. Long story short, my doctor mentioned that with a high chance, I am on the spectrum. Since then, many things in my life have just clicked and appeared in a new light, noticing in me the struggling 'autistic girl' throughout my childhood. Personally, I've assumed some sort of PTSD/anxiety due to my past and some attention deficit due to my experience with a lack of focus - assumed ADHD perhaps coexisting with some signs of autism. But, getting an ADHD diagnosis is nearly impossible in this country. I considered getting on the waiting list but thought I could not imagine waiting 3+ years. If I want a diagnosis, I will get it sooner - if I have the money, which I don't. However, I have no idea how diagnosing autism works, which I am more likely to have, or at least my doctor named it (along with our recent discovery of sensory issues - having a meltdown at a wedding was clearly a sign). I have sought knowledge about coexisting signs of ADHD and ASD, and since then, some recognition has hit me, and it has hit home. Even if I had only personally assumed I have both, I would feel better being sure about it. From what I thought, I'd like to figure out autism first, asking my psychologist about the possibilities. But also, I'd like to be more open about my journey to getting the diagnosis(es) in the end. I don't know which would be the perfect platform for it, but I am getting more and more invested in starting a blog or something like that by sharing my personal experience. It'd be some daily diary that focuses on my paradoxical brain and lets me see how I function. I don't know which platform would suit this idea, but I am open to hearing possibilities. I'd say I prefer writing. Generally, I don't have any trouble expressing myself aloud, and I can talk a lot, especially about issues that interest me, when I am allowed to talk, but English is my second language, and I'd perhaps feel more confident in writing. However, my sentences are less troublesome when speaking, and I perhaps(?) trail off less than in writing. I feel I am conflicted about which would be better. But for sure, imagining myself on screen would be strange, and I would feel uncomfortable about it. Anyway, I'd be glad to hear if anyone would like to read/hear my journey on this path and if starting this blog (?) would be a good idea.