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sourcherryandsprinkles · 6 months ago

Note

Aemond goes to Storm’s End to spend some time with the Baratheon daughters as he agreed to marry one of them in exchange of House Baratheon’s banners and men. He spends time with each sisters, and ends up getting along with you the best although your older sister says she deserves the prince more. You disregard their opinion and continue spending time with Aemond. Smut happens in secret…and almost gets caught

Request: Library sex!! Aemond find someone who loves books and reading and they end up having sex or maybee not all the way

Warnings: 18+, smut, fingering, almost getting caught,

my taglists are here + you can send requests here at any time

—

When Aemond returned to Storm’s End, he viewed the Baratheon daughters as part of his duty. He was obligated to marry one of you in exchange for your house’s support for his brother’s claim. Any of you would have done the job, but Lord Borros let him choose.

The daughters, on the other hand, saw him as a valuable prize. He was a prince. They competed fiercely for his favor, each eager to secure the final spot as his bride.

‘’Did Prince Aemond propose?’’ you asked Floris as she returned from her afternoon with the prince.

‘’He has not,’’ Floris said, sitting down on the end of the couch, still giddy from her outing. ‘’But he might soon.’’

‘’Did you kiss?’’ Cassandra pressed, wondering why her sister assumed so.

Floris shook her head, and Cassandra sighed, turning her attention back to her embroidery. She was trying to make a dragon to impress Aemond, but it was somehow looking like an oversized bee with a long neck.

Beside you, Ellyn breathed a dreamy sigh, thinking of the prince’s tall stature and sharp jawline. ‘’I’m seeing him tomorrow. I picked out a dress just for him.’’

‘’Is it the blue one?’’ Floris asked.

Ellyn nodded with a sly smile. At the moment the dress had been made, it fitted Ellyn perfectly, but now her breasts were slightly spilling out of the neckline. It wasn’t appropriate wear for a casual dinner — not anymore. But when a prince was visiting and looking for his future wife, it was perfect.

‘’That’s unfair. Not all of us have been graced by the Gods…’’ Maris moaned, jealousy evident in her voice.

When she spent time with Aemond, he made it clear that he had no interest in her. He didn’t say he didn’t wish to marry her, but she felt his disinterest. And he didn’t ask to see her again.

Cassandra interrupted, her tone sharp. ‘’As the oldest, I should be the one marrying the prince. I have flowered, therefore I am capable of providing heirs.’’

You rolled your eyes without letting her see. Three out of four of your sisters had flowered; it didn’t make her superior. Not anymore. ‘’I doubt heirs are on the prince’s mind right now, Cassandra. Not when there’s a war in preparation.’’

‘’What do you know about war?’’ She raised an eyebrow, waiting.

‘’Why do you think Prince Aemond and Prince Lucerys asked for our father’s banners and men?’’

‘’She’s right,’’ Maris said, agreeing with you. ‘’He is only marrying one of us because his brother needs our house’s support. If the king had not sent him here, he would never have thought of making one of us his wife. I doubt he even knew our names before he flew to Storm’s End on his big dragon.’’

Cassandra huffed, refusing to recognize that Maris was right.

Instead of waiting around for Ellyn’s return with Cassandra, Maris and Floris, you went to the library. You didn’t want to listen to her bragging about Aemond’s eye peeking down at her chest. Using your body to get a man’s interest was not how you planned to find your husband. For seducing the prince. You wanted him to marry you for the person you were, not the size of your breasts. The conversations would be sad.

‘’A reader lives a thousand lives before he dies. The man who never reads lives only one,’’ a voice you recognized as Aemond’s said quietly, his voice cutting through the stillness.

You raised your head from your book, seeing him standing by one of the shelves. ‘’May I help you with something, my prince?’’

Aemond plucked a book from the shelf and glanced at the first page. ‘’Searching for something to occupy my time. I do not mean to denigrate your home, but there is very little to do on Storm’s End.’’

‘’You read?’’ you asked, a hint of surprise in your voice. It was rare to find men who were genuinely interested in books.

The prince nodded once. ‘’I have a preference for history books.’’ He closed the book he was holding and returned it to its place on the shelf.

‘’I’m afraid our library will disappoint you,’’ you said, a touch of regret in your tone. ‘’As you may have noticed, my father cannot read, and neither did my grandsire, so our collection is quite sparse.’’

Aemond’s gaze shifted to the book in your hands. ‘’What of the one you are reading?’’ he asked, raising an eyebrow.

‘’I bought it in town. My septa taught me how to read.’’

She taught all of your sisters, but only you and Maris were interested in reading. She insisted that reading was knowledge and believed that a woman should be more than just a dutiful wife and mother. Your father would strongly disagree with her; he just sold one of his daughters for a political alliance.

‘’You never brought it up during our outing.’’

‘’I didn’t want to bore you.’’

Aemond stepped closer, the distance between you narrowing. ‘’I think reading makes you more interesting.’’

Your heart quickened as his words hung in the air.

Before your first outing with Aemond, Floris had warned you not to mention reading or books, saying that men don’t like that. It made you smile to find out she was wrong.

‘’May I join you?’’ He gestured to the seat beside you.

You nodded, and Aemond gracefully sat beside you. He took the book from your grasp. You wanted to protest, but he began reading to you, his voice deep in tone, but soft and calm at the core. No one had ever read to you before.

The torches on the walls of the library casted a golden hue over the room, creating a serene atmosphere. If your sisters knew of this intimate moment, they would be jealous. Especially Cassandra. You would love to see her reaction, watching her jaw tighten as she glared at you.

Occasionally, Aemond would pause and you heard the gentle rustle of pages turning. You allowed yourself to steal glances at him from time to times, watching his lips move as he read. He must have caught you because sometimes the corner would twitch into a slight smile.

While he read, Aemond’s voice wrapped around you like a warm embrace, each word painting vivid images in your mind. You could listen to him for hours.

‘’Why did you stop?’’ you asked, turning your head to look at Aemond with a frown drawing between your eyebrows.

He didn’t say anything. He simply looked back at you, his one eye intensely holding your gaze, and you felt a magnetic pull drawing you closer. You wanted to be all up in his personal space. You wanted to touch his face, gently trace the line of his jaw and feel the warmth of his lips beneath your fingertip.

Aemond’s gaze lowered from your eyes to your lips, sending your heart racing with a newfound intensity. Maybe this unchaperoned moment was not a good idea? Or, maybe it was exactly what you needed? Before he knew it, Aemond’s hand touched your chin, guiding it towards him. He gave you a chance to pull back, to deny him, but only a fool would do so.

You let your desire take control, closing the gap between you and kissing him. He instinctively leaned in and deepened the kiss, so tender but passionate at the same time. His scent filled your nose, his fingers in your hair while his lips pulled your bottom lip softly as he pulled away.

A silence filled the air, your head still spinning from the kiss. You reached out to tenderly caress Aemond’s face, soft and smooth beneath your palm.

Aemond dove for a second kiss, and you heard the thud of the book falling to the ground, completely forgotten. At another moment, you would have picked it up right away, but your mind was…occupied.

You reached behind Aemond’s neck and pulled him closer to you, his own hands grabbing at your waist and hips as the intensity of the kiss increased.

It wasn’t in the prince’s habits to kiss a woman like that — to kiss a woman, ever —, but something within Aemond was pushing him to make a move on you. Was this the desire his brother often told him about?

Humming against his mouth, you grabbed at the front of his jacket, needing something to grab onto as you felt your lower belly start to tingle. The new sensation caused you to shift in your seat, the sudden throbbing between your legs making sitting on a chair very uncomfortable.

‘’Did I hurt you?’’ Aemond asked when you broke the kiss.

You shook your head. ‘’No. I… Please keep going.’’

He searched your eyes for a sign that would contradict your words, and resumed when he couldn’t find any.

He slid his hand up your arm and pulled down your sleeve from your shoulder, his warm palm brushing against your bare skin and rising goosebumps. You glanced down at your newly uncovered shoulder, breathing heavily. Aemond then moved down your sides to cup one of your breasts, causing your breath to catch in your throat.

You wrapped your arms around his shoulders, pressing his chest flush against you. It was a clumsy position on the small reading couch, but Aemond manoeuvered himself to make it work. His hands slid down your back as his mouth traveled lower, to the dip in your throat, kissing your neck. You moaned under his mouth, the new sensation awakening so many new feelings inside you. He reached down your leg to find the bottom of your skirts and lifted the fabric to ghost his hand over your ankle and up your leg, bunching the hem up as you breathed heavily.

You knew where he was going — and you wanted it. Gentleman as always, he stopped and searched for your eyes, needing your consent before pursuing. You nodded, excitement bubbling as you felt his palm on the inner part of your thigh, very close to where you wanted him. His name left your lips in a whisper, a soft beg. He covered your mouth with his, swallowing his name as he dove his hand between your legs. You felt his fingers prodding at your entrance, gently caressing the outside of you before swiping between your folds, causing you to gasp.

On the scale of forbidden things by your father, indulging in sexual activities outside of marriage — in his castle — was most likely at the top. He did not wish for his daughters to have a bastard baby or lose worth because they lost their maidenhood.

You should have asked Aemond to stop and pushed him away. But your desires were telling you to open your legs and let him in — literally.

‘’Ahh,’’ you breathed out, your fist clenching over the prince’s clothed bicep as his long finger was deep inside of you, getting squeezed by your clenching walls.

He pressed his forehead against yours, intently watching your expressions as you discovered a new pleasure.

Aemond pressed his thumb down over your clit, and started to gently massage it.

‘’Right there! It feels so good.’’ You sighed immediately and opened your legs a bit more, biting your lower lip to keep yourself from being too loud. There was no one else in the library, but anyone could come in.

He added another finger, making you moan and pant around him.

Unfortunately, the pleasure was short-lived as a servant calling your name.

‘’H-here, Jeyne,’’ you replied, trying to keep your voice steady to avoid any suspicion.

You heard her footsteps approaching on the library’s floor, and you and Aemond quickly composed yourselves. You smoothed down the skirts of your dress while he picked up your book from the floor and opened it, pretending to read as Jeyne arrived.

The servant was visibly surprised to find Aemond with you as all your time in his company had to be chaperoned. She bowed her head to him respectfully before turning to you. ‘’I did not know you had company, miss.’’ Her tone indicated she was searching for gossip.

You smiled kindly — and innocently — at Jeyne. ‘’Prince Aemond found me in the library during my afternoon reading. I was helping him find a book to take to his chamber as he forgot to bring one for his stay. You are not interrupting.’’

Despite their outward trustworthiness, you knew servants had loose lips, and that’s how rumors from the castle spread around town.

‘’What is it that you wanted?’’ you asked, pressing her leave.

Jeyne glanced nervously between you and Aemond before speaking. ‘’Your father requests your presence in the great hall, miss. A raven arrived from Winterfell and he is struggling to read it.’’

You nodded, maintaining your composed demeanor. ‘’Thank you, Jeyne. Please inform my father that I will be there shortly.’’

You watched Jeyne leave, and let out a breath once she was out of earshot. That was close. Getting caught in a compromising position would not have been good for your reputation.

Aemond closed his book, a frown marring his composed posture. ‘’I apologize for losing my manners, miss Y/N. I don't usually engage in these kinds of…activities in public places.’’ The mention of sex seemed to make him uncomfortable. His usual confidence was replaced by a rare vulnerability.

‘’I don’t either,’’ you said, your cheeks flushed as you stared at the skirt of your dress. ‘’I…I should get going. I promised to help Cassandra pick her dress for tomorrow. Not all dresses are suited for horseback riding.’’ You rose from the reading couch, giving Aemond one last glance. ‘’I’ll see you later at dinner, my prince.’’

You made a move to leave, but Aemond clasped his hand over your wrist. His touch was firm yet gentle, sending a shiver down your spine. ‘’That won't be necessary,’’ he interrupted, his voice low and steady. ‘’In case I haven't made myself clear, I've already made my choice. I want you.’’

—

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#aemond targaryen #aemond targaryen x reader #aemond targaryen imagine #house of the dragon #hotd #aemond hotd

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verstappenf1lecccc · 8 days ago

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What was I made for?

please note that this work tackles the mind of a mother in postpartum depression, if that’s not your cup of tea please don’t read it.

you had always heard the saying sad mothers raise bad children. what you didn’t expect was your husband slapping you in the face (not literally) by saying those exact same words to you.

if anyone ever asked you where you’d find yourself after 5 years you sure as hell would not believe that it would be in the arms of a formula one driver married to him with a baby on the way.

When you had met lando he was still deep in his party ways and clubbing habits, slowly but surely he grew out of it and became more of a boyfriend then a fiance and then finally a husband.

When you saw the positive pregnancy test you almost freaked out. Kids were not on the table at all with lando always being half way across the world due to his job and you not wanting to raise a child till his career calmed down a bit.

Fate had other plans for the both of you it seemed.

Lando’s first reaction was of shock and disbelief he couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that he would be a father. It seemed so strange that he would be responsible for a little soul.

Once the initial shock wore out he was up and about getting things ready for the baby.

This is when you started slipping more and more into your head and away from your husbands eyes.

It almost seemed like lando didn’t see you as you and simply saw you as a vessel that was carrying his future baby.

You didn’t want to sound ungrateful but it was like you had lost your own identity.

Unfortunately that would only worsen as the baby came.

Little Charlotte Norris arrived after grueling hours of pain and suffering. She was such a precious thing so small and innocent and yet when you saw her you didn’t feel a thing.

It felt sickening, how bad of a mother were you to not feel the joy and happiness when looking at your own child. If lando could do it so could you.

You felt like a monster unable of loving your own flesh and blood.

Things worsened for you unfortunately.

Everyone who ever came to visit only bothered asking about the baby and how she was no one once bothered to ask if you were okay. You didn’t look okay it was obvious yet everyone swept it under the rug including your husband.

Your deep hollow eyes and sore body was ignored by the man who vowed to be with you through thick or thin. It was a slap in your face when your daughter preferred to be with your husband over you. Charlotte had a problem latching to you correctly and would cry out of hunger, each high pierced cry would make you feel more and more like a failure. your own daughter hated you.

When lando came back he immediately noticed the screams of his little angel yet ignored once again the crumbling figure of his wife. you couldn’t help the tears that left your eyes when lando snapped at you for keeping his precious daughter crying and away from him.

That’s when you died on the inside.

A part of you simply couldn’t do it anymore.

With each pill your heart numbed itself from the pain and your mind went foggy. You felt at peace finally being able to keep the two people you loved the most in this world happy.

Lando wouldn’t have to worry about you anymore and your daughter wouldn’t have a sad mother who would raise her. Everything seemed like it would work out all without you.

#lando norris x you #lando norris x y/n #lando #lando norris x reader #lando x y/n #lando x you #lando imagine #lando x reader #lando norris #f1 imagine #formula one #f1 fic #angsty #f1 scenario #f1 x reader

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fushitoru · 21 days ago

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I am sooo going to write a fic where reader and satoru have been married (canon universe). you’ve seen his mental health deteriorate because of the higher ups and how he’s perceived as a weapon and is a weapon. satoru’s mental health has been descending for a very long time, and by the end, when you’re soullessly watching his dead body projected by mei mei’s crows, you blankly volunteer to be next.

your life has no purpose. you and satoru were never able to get the life you deserve. you don’t last very long fighting sukuna, and you die, praying to whatever merciless god out there that, in another life, you and satoru get the happy ending you both deserved—-

you wake up from your dream, gasping. you don’t know why it was so vivid; all you remember is that you were some kind of magician? like winx club? and you had a husband and he WAS SMOKING HOT. also both of you died and you were kind of sad, because he was hot :(

so—as a college student—you head to your first lecture of junior year. you’ve decided to switch majors and have to take this dumb math class that’s a gen ed and is filled with people. so you take one of two empty spots remaining.

the lecture goes on, until professor rolls his eyes and suddenly everyone’s heads is turned towards the door, so you just follow the crowd. and there he is.

a boy with the most stunning white hair and sheepish blue eyes giving a charming grin, yelling out something snarky while taking his seat, some people dapping him up as he makes his way to the only seat—-the one next to you.

as he’s setting his stuff down, and he turns to look at you. blinks.

A breathless, “Hi.”

And then, your story begins again.

#IN ANOTHER LIFEEEE I WOULD BE UR BEAUUU #sorry u guys enabled me #reincarnation fic reincarnation fic #aashi yaps #gojo x reader

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a-hazbin-reader · 9 months ago

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I had an alastor ask you can ignore this but what about an alastor x wife!reader where one day one of the readers old friends from their living days manifest in hell it can be angsty or fluffy but I just really wanna see how you think alastor would react to suddenly remembering that the reader had a whole different life before hell and before him

You're an amazing write and I wanna see your take on this, if not thats ok too !! Have a lovely day 🩷

Ooh this is just juicy-

Alastor X Reader Headcanons

✅️Romantic

❌️Platonic

TW: Alastor being sad, Alastor being jealous

Description: 👆⬆️

Look, Alastor is a smart man who knows you had a life before you met him, before you died

He knows this, he also had a life before you

A rather violent one towards the end there, but still...

But when one of your friends from when you were alive suddenly runs into you???? It suddenly feels like that previous life is coming to slap him in the face

"Y/N? Is that you?"

The way your face lights up with familiarity and you two rush to hug each other, obviously close

It makes him...feel something bad...

The conversation with your friend starts out simple and innocent enough, the two of you catching up with each other

You introduce your husband and Alastor can tell that your friend is surprised, probably not expecting you to be shacked up with the radio demon himself

He preens with your introduction, ready to hear your friend either gush about your amazing husband or shrink away in fear of him

Or at least that's what Alastor assumes the shocked look means

But then your friend mentions something about an old flame of yours and Alastor just kinda??? Gets a white hot flash of anxiety??

You get visibly upset at the mention of them, mumbling something to your friend that Alastor can't hear because he's not listening

You're scolding your friend for bringing up someone you hardly even thought about anymore, someone so unimportant in comparison to your husband

You had someone before him?? Someone you loved and cared about before you died and became stuck in hell?

Would you still go to them now if you had the choice? No, you wouldn't, he's one of the strongest demons in hell. Why would you leave him?

Because you loved people for more than that...

Then your friend is talking to him about your life when you were alive, telling him every stupid, funny, kind thing you did

Everything you enjoyed without him in your life

He's stuck in his own head and hurting his own feelings, the smile on his face painfully tight

"Alastor? Darling?"

Your concerned voice and gentle squeeze on his arm brings him back to reality, your friend having already left without his realizing

"Are you alright? You got quiet on me and that's not like you..."

And he's back to being his charming self, squashing down his ugly emotions

"My apologies my dear~! I just suddenly remembered I must meet Rosie today!"

He's gone before you can even question it, leaving you with a sinking feeling in your gut

The next few days after that Alastor is distant from you even though he's trying to play it off as being busy

Everyone at the hotel can see it and think that you two must be having a fight

You have to reassure them that no, mommy and daddy aren't fighting

He's been off ever since you ran into your friend and they brought up-

...your past...

Oh that stupid man of yours

It takes a lot of work to corner Alastor, he's stupidly clever and always has an excuse to avoid you

You however, did NOT become his wife by giving up easily

One time, he even straight up turned around and ran from you

And you almost fucking caught him if he hadn't cheated and melted away into the shadows

But you manage to catch him in his radio tower, using all your demonic power to sneak up on him

He jumps at the feeling of your arms draping around his neck from behind, feeling your lips on his temple

He's missed being so close to you, he really has

"We need to talk, darling one..."

This is exactly what he's been avoiding though, trying to get his uncomfortable feelings to go away so things can go back to normal between you two

"What is there to talk about, my dear~?"

He's pulling you into his lap, uncharacteristically enthusiastic about giving you affection all of a sudden, kissing up your neck and rubbing your thighs

You know he's trying to seduce you to get out of having to talk about his feelings so you stop him, placing a firm hand on his chest

"You've been avoiding me ever since we ran into my friend."

He visibly cringes at being so obviously caught, his smile strained, sharp teeth clenched tight

"I've simply been busy, I'm sorry if I've been neglecting my little wife..."

He's going in for another kiss, but you pull away with reluctance, you're attracted to your husband after all

You pull on his cheek and sigh, hugging his neck as you lean back to look at him

"Alastor, you know I hate it when you lie to me..."

Now he feels bad, he hates disappointing his wife like this...

"I suppose I have been a bit out of sorts..."

So he does his best to explain to you his uncertainty in your life, wondering if you've simply settled for him because you died

If you would choose your old life over him if ever given the chance, or leave him for a chance at heaven with people from your old life

He won't look at you the entire time he says this, leaning into you and hiding his face in your neck

Just run your fingers through his hair, maybe rub his ears a little, and listen to him vent

He doesn't like being open and vulnerable

"Oh darling, I didn't even know what love really was until I met you. Being here in hell with you has been more fulfilling than any life I had before..."

Not him making a little deer bleat before growling out of embarrassment, clutching you a little tighter

"You wouldn't-"

"Alastor, if anybody even tries to make me leave you, I'll kill them myself."

That makes him chuckle, leaning back to finally look at you

"Oh, you twisted wonderful wife~"

He's literally immediately back to himself after that, almost as though none of it ever happened

You're always surprised by how quickly your husband recovers

Maybe it's just because he trusts you so much, your words alone were enough to reassure him of his place in your world

You meant every word

When your friend comes back to visit you, Alastor actually engages with them this time

He wants to know more about who you used to be now that his confidence in his marriage has been restored

The dude is literally walking around like he got laid for the first time

Angel...shut up...

Holds you close to him the entire time, relaxed as he listens to you and your friend go on about old times

"Wait...you jumped out of a third story window? While being chased by a man with one leg?"

"And LIVED!"

SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG TO GET TO I HOPE YOU LIKE IT

#hazbin hotel x reader #alastor hazbin hotel x reader #alastor hazbin x reader #alastor x reader #hazbin x reader

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sukunas-wife · 4 months ago

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Hi!!, can you do a sukuna x reader, where reader died it’s up to you how she died and I need sukuna’s reaction🥹, LOVE YOUR STORIES BTW🫶🏻🫶🏻

A second one 😭 I’m sorry to have kept you waiting for so long but I’m pouring my angst into this whole heartedly

(Warnings: Death, Blood, Still Born child, No comfort? Sad Baby Yuji 🥹)

—- —- —- —- —-

“She’s beautiful.” Uraume looked up at his lord, “She is.”

They were watching you, the vibrant red fabrics fluttering around you held your son up in the air spinning him around.

Your smile was big and filled with pure joy and love for your son who was laughing with closed eyes and his own big smile. His giggles filled your ears as you leaned over letting his feet graze the floor before you lifted him up letting him go briefly from your hands so he could get that feeling of flying. He squealed and laughed holding on to you when you held him against your chest smothering his face in kisses and praises.

You smiled at him resting him on your hip, you sighed as he held onto you. Resting his head on your shoulder and looking up at you with those amber eyes he was happy just being with you. “I love you.” His little voice squeezed your heart as you awed, gently holding his face with your free hand, rubbing your thumb over his cheek, “I love you.” He smiled with an “eheh” shrugging his shoulders up and closing his eyes.

—- —- —- —- —-

You hummed laying against your husband’s side. You laid on your side facing him, your left hand resting on his chest. His lower right hand was resting on your hand on his chest. His upper right hand was tucked behind his head. His lower left hand was wrapped around your waist holding you close, and his upper left hand was on the crown of your head brushing your back.

Your breathy laughter pulled his train of thought from staring at the canopy of the bed to looking at you with a look of amusement at your sudden and quiet laughter. “What amuses you?” His hand on your waist squeezed at you before his hand ghosted up and down your side.

“Yuji admires you Ryomen, you should know he believes you hold the world in your hand.” Tilting your head to look up at him, you could see the slight pull at the corners of his lips. You held his stare for a while longer, your eyes softened as you smiled, letting your head fall away from his stare to lay against his chest. Listening to his heart beat you became aware of your own, the flutter in your chest you felt in your throat. You hummed turning more into your husband’s side. “You’ll be going to the village soon won't you?” He hummed, letting his hand still against your side. His stare hadn’t fallen from your face, “I will.”

Your hand under his heavy one raised to interlock your fingers with his, “Do you think Yuji and I could accompany you? I really wish I could take him out to see more than just our garden walls.” Your husband’s chest rumbled under your head as he let out a long hum, “I’ll consider it for now, it won't be official if I decide it isn’t safe.” You smiled, he could feel your expression change against his chest. You squeezed his hand as best you could before you sat up, moving closer and using your free hand to caress his cheek where you gently placed a kiss, “Thank you for considering it Ryomen.”

His hand fell from your side to your thigh, you sat there leaning over him, looking down at him with such a loving and content expression. His smile was notable as he pushed himself upbringing a hand you hold your cheek and jaw as he carefully pulled you into a kiss. “Rest now.” He pulled you into his chest as you both fell back into the bed.

—- —- —- —- —-

“Daddy…” Yuji’s small voice forced Sukuna to turn around. He was standing there rubbing his scarlet eyes. His pink hair was an untamed mess, his free hand was hanging by his side holding one of those tiger dolls you had chosen for him while you were pregnant, “where are you going?”

They stood in silence before Sukuna knelt down, causing his son to move closer, “Do you want to come with me?” Yuji nodded before his dad smiled faintly at him. Sukuna stood keeping his lower set of eyes focused on his son. Yuji followed blindly, before he used his free hand to take his dads.

Sukuna allowed it as they made it to the kitchen where very few servants were awake cleaning dishes or kneading dough for the bread his wife loved to eat fresh in the morning. They all bowed deeply, getting him respectfully. In fear and in curiosity wondering why the Lord of the house of all people had stumbled into the kitchen at such late hours of the night that were soon becoming early hours of the morning.

He found Uraume amongst the servants, Uraume simply nodded, closing their eyes and bowing their head. Yuji followed his father out as they went to sit at the wooden tatami table. Sukuna supported himself with two arms as he leaned back, keeping the other two crossed over his chest. Yuji sat beside him yawning, eyes closed as he swayed slightly when sleep would try to pull him back. Finally he fell against his father who was startled, you had done the same thing to him a few times when you were naive and thought you could accompany him into the ridiculous late hours of the night that would turn into early hours of the morning. Soon enough you learned he didn’t need to sleep entirely as much as you did, most nights he’d accompany you and lay there awake with his eyes closed just to keep your company. Now he was watching his son do the same, still he unfolded his arm and wrapped it over his son pulling him into his lap and leaning him against his chest and stomach.

It was quite a sight to see the king of curses slurping down fresh meats with his sleeping son sat in his lap held against him with his lower set of arms. Sukuna didn’t enjoy his range of eating being limited to two arms but he remembers doing the same thing with you, it brought a foreign feeling that made his bones ache in a way he couldn’t understand. Still there he sat eating trying to sedate his hunger, an hour had passed of him cracking bones for marrow the way he had seen you break open crab legs to satisfy your own hunger when you were with child.

“Oh? So he’s with you?” Sukuna’s attention was pulled from the bone he was about to snap as he turned to you.

“Wife.” He addressed you while he loosened his grip on his son, “Husband.” You addressed him as you knelt beside him slowly pulling your four year old son freeing his arms. “You should be resting.” Sukuna looked down at his bone splitting it clear in half making quick work with all his free hands he scooped the marrow out into a bowl before moving onto the second half, you hummed as Yuji clung to you in his sleep, running your hand over the pink tufts of hair you cooed at him, “I wish I could rest but these days it feels like it's the last thing on my mind.” Sukuna stayed silent, mixing spice and spring onion into his bone marrow with a few other things before he filled his mouth with the mix spread over bread. “Are you with child? It would explain why you’ve become so restless these nights.” You watched as he mixed more ingredients into the bowl, “It could be, the last time I watched my husband mix marrow so aggressively was the night before it was declared I was with child.” His motions came to a stop, you watched as his eyes snapped in your direction before he placed his bowl down. “Is that so?” You simply hummed as he moved to stare down at his bowl, the mixed contents weren’t something he frequently requested, in that matter this is the second time he has ever asked for it to be made. But you were right, the last time he had requested it, you were three weeks along with the child…

”In the morning…” you hummed already knowing what he was saying, “I’ll go put Yuji down, you finish.” Your softer voice played at his heart as he stood alongside you, “I’ll take him and then come to you.”

—- —- —- —- —-

Sure enough you were pregnant, the months had passed with haste and the new year was approaching with haste. Everyday passed with you huffing and whining at the ache in your back, hips and chest. But of course the festival came around and Sukuna remembered your words, your request of letting Yuji and yourself accompany him. He decided he’d rather not leave you home alone, but he also argued to himself that having you travel in your state could be a mistake if your body decided the hour to have your child would be midway to the village. This led him to have a palanquin made, one in which you and Yuji would be delivered alongside himself, uraume and the elder female servants that had helped you deliver Yuji.

It was quite the show to the village to see a moving shrine, carried by sixty men and women who walked with purpose and pride. In all its time they had never seen the King of Curses ever arrive in such a manner, but it was all explained after they saw the pregnant woman stepping out after him followed by a child that resembled him in uncanny ways.

The platform where Sukuna would usually sit was prepared for his arrival, not too far was a small shrine house that he prepared for both you and Yuji until he could accompany you. Yuji was excited running around the small house looking in every pot and chest and trying to taste every new fruit he found on the table. They were all offerings to your husband, offerings that would go to waste if Yuji didn’t attempt to eat them.

You watched as you laid back on the bed, he was rambling on and on bringing you pieces for you to try also. You were humoured by the stars in his eyes when he would find something he “loved” more than the last. Finally he settled beside you kicking his feet on the edge of the bed as he ate a banana and would offer you a bite before he took another and let the cycle continue. Soon enough you were both full of the fruits he picked out to be the best. You smiled watching him as he busied himself looking through more crates until he could a shiny box of red wood with specks of gold. He looked back at you with a big smile and wide eyes before he did his best to run back to you with it. He placed the box on your lap as you sat up stuffing extra cushions behind your back. You taught him how to turn the simple lock and let him do it himself. He stared down at the little decorative mooncakes, severely unimpressed, “Look like soap..” you broke into laughter, “Yuji!” You tried to scold him, stopped by your laughter, “These are moon cakes. They have different fillings. You should try one.” “Mm mm.” He shook his head no, “Why not?” He shrugged, “Looks funny.” You sighed picking one up, “Your dad loves them, and if you want to be big and strong like him you need to try them too.” He made a mix of a sour and miserable face before he took the piece you were holding out to him, he bit it and you watched his face sour, his eyes closed and nose scrunched and you were quick to hold your hand out in front of him as his spit out the chewed moon cake, “don’t like it, tastes funny.” He whipped his teary eyes and you closed the box pushing it away, “I’m sorry my little dove, come here.” He crawled onto the bed next you curling against your side where you consoled him as he sniffled at the assault. It didn’t take long before he was pressing his ear to your stomach tapping on it like a melon to see if there was a reaction. Sure enough there was, his younger sibling was throwing kicks and Yuji was giggling rubbing over the spot where the kick would show.

You’d finally turned to look out the window, you could see a short distance away your husband sat there unimpressed under the orange shades of the sun from where it had begun to set.

You had also seen the woman that ran freely in her skin to your husband hugging him, you didn’t miss the angry expression on Uraume’s face, but even before they could react you watched as the woman was thrown off and the gush of blood in the air from where she fell spread out on the floor. You were upset greatly, and internally huffing and puffing about how that woman would so easily dare to touch him and much less in her bare skin in front of all those people.

Yuji was well aware of the sudden shift in your personality so he decided to slide off the bed and look for a way to distract you. Then he came back with a thin wooden box. He shook it around before handing it to you with those big bright eyes.

Cracking it open you realise it was a folding Gomoku board, he loved trying to play Gomoku with his father. So you did your best to prove a challenge to him. The early afternoon passed before your almost filled board was shaken as you both shook from the sound of the door slamming open just to see your husband cringing at his own intrusion. “Daddy!” Yuji cheered while trying to cheat, watching as he put an extra piece down made you smile and shake your head. “Hm?” Sukuna was quick to catch his son who ran at him and jumped off the bed in his direction. “Who was that naked lady?” You watched Sukuna stiffen at Yuji’s question when you weren’t even aware Yuji had seen it. “Mommy was really mad.” Yuji crossed his arm and closed his eyes, nodding with a smile as if he should’ve been proud to tell his dad about how upset you were.”

“She is a fool and nothing more.” The answer was for Yuji, but he directed it at you with the way he turned his head to hold your stare. You didn’t seem amused as a single brow rose before you turned to the edge of the bed to stand. “Mhm.” Your hum was audible and left a shiver in both Yuji and your husband’s spines, “mommy’s mad.” Yuji wiggled out his dad’s hands hitting the floor with a thud before he ran off to find something else to keep himself busy.

—- —- —- —- —-

It was a long afternoon of Yuji bouncing between you and his father with the biggest smile and bright eyes. The two of you are playing a game of “well fine then.” Even if Sukuna had “apologised and explained” in his own way, you were upset he didn’t kill her on the spot and it showed.

“Papa… can we try that one?” Sukuna turned his head to see fried squid on a stick, the smell lingering in the air would’ve been savoury to anyone else, “Not now, if you eat more you’ll get sick.” So Yuji pouted and turned to you where you were looking at a stall of elderly women who were swelling swaddles and fabrics for babies for the cold season. “Mama,” you turned to Yuji who pulled on your kimono’s layers, “Yes Yuji?” You squatted just a bit to be level with him to hear what he had to say, “Daddy said no but I really wanna try that thing on the stick…” his hand still holding the fabric of your kimono while he pointed at the squid on a stick, “Yuji…” you started and opened your mouth to say something else, closing it and taking time to think, it would be fun to go against Sukuna, but he had already eaten so much… but you were hungry too and it was starting to linger on your tongue, “How about we share one?” He nodded with a toothy smile and you took him over ignoring your husband’s incredulous look. Although Sukuna was displeased he let you both sit and eat as he continued to look around near booths for nothing in particular, bored of having already spent most of his day seeing these people. That was until he saw something glimmer that caught his eye, he was quick to pick it up and examine it for himself, the poor shop vendor couldn’t meet his eyes but rather offered a small lavish wooden box, “L-lord Sukuna, this is for that item s-so that it won’t be damaged in your travels.” He eyed the laquered box and took it from the man, not a single word was exchanged on his part as he left the man standing there in relief that he still had his life.

Night fell and you were feeling lively again even daring to hold one of your husband’s arms despite the strange looks of the people. Even more when on his shoulder Yuji was sitting, holding onto his fathers hair and looking around without a care in the world. To even think of the king of curses being a normal husband and father would have been Taboo, now seeing it in person was a sin that made many look away in fear of repercussions for staring too long. All but one pair of eyes that you could feel lingering but you could never meet them in the sea of people. Still you held onto your husband as he led you both to a bridge overlooking the shore front. Your eyes lit up having remembered your days as a child and seeing the lights on new years night. This would be Yuji’s first time ever seeing them, which led you to be excited for him.

Sukuna seemed uninterested as he rolled his shoulders to stretch and jostled his son around who laughed before crossing his arms and resting them on his dads head with his chin. He was tired and it was beginning to show. That was until the first light was set off and you watched how he perked up, mouth dropping open and his eyes widened in shock, “DID YOU SEE THAT!?”

He was in awe as another went off in another colour. You placed your hands on the railed resting your weight against it, the tiredness finally settling in your body, you noticed how your husband placed his hand over yours, turning your hand over you smiled, interlocking your fingers the best you could with his. He held on tight to your hand, and brought his second arm up to pull you into his side and hold you against him. You could hear all of Yuji's hushed sounds as he babbled about the colours and lights.

Yuji was unaware of your exchange when his father slipped you a wooden box.Curious you opened it up, it was a Kanzashi hair pin, its metal carved to look like a sprig of bamboo in a circular frame and a small shrine. It had a bundle of red equinox flowers and thin dangling links with small red gems. To anyone this would’ve been off putting, red spider lilies, corpse flowers, the symbol of death. But you knew in his eyes the flowers were one thing he was fond of, he had always shown an interest in such blooms. When they were in season you remember a day wouldn’t pass where the vase in your shared room didn’t have a small bundle. It felt threatening at first when they started appearing, but you understood soon enough when you had caught him twirling a bloom in his fingers. He beckoned you over pulling you into his lap and tucking its stem into your hair, he told you how he could never comprehend how the human mind was entirely too simple to say something so beautiful could have such a morbid ideal behind it.

Picking up the pin you smiled, “It’s beautiful.” He hummed, slipping it from your hand and turning to you, pulling the pin from your hair and sliding the new into place. That hand slowly grazed over your cheek and neck before it came back up to take your chin between his thumb and forefinger, he was going to lean down and kiss you before he was interrupted by a tug at his hair. You couldn’t help but laugh quietly as his eye twitched and he reached up with one hand pulling Yuji off his shoulders, “What was that for, brat?” Yuji was hanging there by his dads hand, “You turned and I couldn’t see the lights anymore…” Sukuna sighed and you laughed reaching up to take your son in your arms and help onto you resting his head on your shoulder with a yawn, “‘m sleepy.” Rubbing his back, you smiled, “We should get you home then.” You turned to Sukuna who was overlooking the seafront, “It’s late, you can rest in the offering house.” Slowly you made your way to the offering house after Sukuna took Yuji from you much to Yuji’s protest, but knowing you shouldn’t be carrying a four year old he didn’t cave to Yuji’s whines and cries.

The night was eventful, both you and Yuji had gotten comfortable on the bed chatting about how much he had seen and done before he was laying on the side of the bed pressed against the wall peeking out the window into the starry night. You laid there smiling up at him, he was happy and that’s all you ever wanted for him. Soon enough Sukuna came into the house after securing the guards that followed were on patrol for the night. He let his weight fall onto the bed beside you causing the bed’s frame to sway, you watched as he hesitated as he laid down beside you. He pulled you into his side facing you, you smiled up at him, your hair was loosely braided to avoid being pulled or laid on. Finally he met your lips uninterrupted in a kiss, you both could feel the other smile before he leaned back,both of his arms tucked under your body, one hand holding your waist the other rubbing up and down your side in a sense of comfort that was broken as soon as Yuji threw himself back onto the bed causing the frame to sway and break away leaving all of you to be shaken as the bed frame laid on the floor without the support of its legs. You had to fight back a laugh, of course Sukuna heard your shaky breath and knew you were beyond humoured. So he didn’t worry about fixing anything, he didn’t even find it in him to scold his son. Instead he moved over letting Yuji squeeze between the both of you. Using a hand he pulled your head closer carefully kissing the top of your head before he let you go. Yuji who was comfortably squished between the both of you was already lost to sleep leaving you to follow as Sukuna laid awake thinking of the child bound to come soon. Soon enough he closed his own eyes chasing unnecessary rest.

—- —- —- —- —-

Morning came you groaned as you tried to force yourself to sit up. You were against the wall with Yuji’s head next to where yours had previously been, he was splayed out like a starfish and you quieted your laugh noting how his foot was squished against his fathers cheek. Yawning you did your best to not wake up either boy. Still your husband's eyes opened slowly to look at you, he made a face noting his son's foot was what was pressed against his face. He slowly sat up stretching out his muscles as he went about standing. At this rate Yuji would be asleep till early afternoon, he held his hand out to you trying to help you get out of bed so you could stretch your own body out. You both looked at Yuji who simply rolled in his sleep taking your place, “he’s an atrocious sleeper.” Sukuna was looking at him and all you did was smile, swatting his chest, “Says the man who’s almost suffocated me with his arms at least twenty different times.” He grinned at you, “You act as if you don’t enjoy it.” His hands on your waist pulling you closer until your baby bump smacked into his stomach making him laugh quietly, “If you desire to deny it I can assure you the proof is more than in just here.” A third hand came and rubbed over your stomach making you give him a look but leaving you unable to deny it.

”Ryomen Sukuna, for the life of me I cannot comprehend how or why I let you do this to me a second time.” He grinned, squeezing your waist in his hands leaning in closer to you to whisper, “That’s easy my little lotus, You get lost in your own little desires.” You shivered before you shook your head, swatting his firm chest again and pointing a finger at him, “if you want a third you’ll have to do more than just work for it, Ryomen.” He let out a hearty laugh letting you slip from his hold, “You’ll see,” he sighed smiling down at you with those pearly canines, “you’ll see.”

The morning felt short as you sat under your husband's arm watching the morning pass. It wasn’t often that you’d get to enjoy the morning sun’s passing since you’d gotten pregnant. Your sleep schedule was horrendous and you loved trying to sleep in late, but at this moment you could almost hear the chime of those little glass wind catcher’s that would chime in on breezy days, “We should watch a sunrise when we return home” you’re words were accompanied by Sukuna’s quiet agreement as he nodded before he spoke up. “I’ll need to return to the village for a short time, will you accompany me?” Taking a deep breath and sighing, you squeezed one of his hands, “I’ll stay and rest if you’d like to take Yuji with you, It’ll be a long way home.” He stared at you, you could see the concern behind his hard stare, taking his larger hand in both of your own. You gave it a pat before bringing it up to give it a quick kiss, “I’ll be fine, the ladies will be outside, just a call away.” The both of you turned to the window where you could hear the sounds of him waking up, his little yawn and groans, “I’ll get him ready if you do want to take him with you.” You didn’t miss the look that crossed his face, it made you laugh knowing he didn’t exactly want to carry Yuji’s on his shoulders when his little legs couldn’t keep pace because it lessened his intimidating appeal, not by much but in his head it felt ridiculous.

“Very well.”

It didn’t take long for you to fall asleep rubbing your swollen stomach now that your son wasn’t bumping his head into yours or laying on your chest.

—- —- —- —- —-

It was a horrible feeling, the pain in your stomach, your laboured breaths, it felt like your spine was about to snap and the heavy waves nauseated as you struggled to breath. Your blood was spreading and you weren’t sure how much longer you could hold onto consciousness, still you pushed yourself with every wave of pain that pulsed through you to make it, to push through and just last a little longer.

Your hand was stained with blood, and you barely managed to walk, leaning heavily on the wooden fence of the village, your other bloodied hand trying to steady you, as you gasped pushing further, your robes were torn through in one spot straight through to your womb. Your cursed technique was failing, you couldn’t heal yourself even with reverse cursed technique. Just as you were about to round the corner you stumbled into a man and a woman.

The kind people from the squid place, they’re greeting not reaching your ears as you felt a strange pressure in your head and you staggered, they looked confused before they panicked quickly at your side yelling, it was in and out, so distant as they started to drag you further, you were stumbling but you could feel yourself lessening in weight like you were fading.

Closing your eyes for a second it wasn’t long but at that point everything became clear as you were surrounded by people at an infirmary. They were shaking you, ripping your robes open, “Mama, stay awake mama, we need you here with us. We can save you but your child won’t make it. Do you understand me?”

The woman looking down at you, her face was concerned as you slowly shook your head side to side, “Save… save my .. my child.” Your voice was breathy in between breaths.

“Mama, you WILL die if we put your child first, do you unde-SAVE HIM.” You gasped and a strangled cry, as your back arched, the pain was pulsing, “please,” a broken cry left you when your body twisted and cringed at every jolt of pain, “his father is Su..Sukuna…Ryo..Ryomen.” You finally got your husband’s name out as your body moved on its own from the pain, they all looked panicked, “Tell him..” your eyes rolled back as your mouth opened, “That woman did this…” you huffed, your heart speed up in a burst feeling it in your throat

She rushed off yelling something before she came back to your side and nodded once with a firm expression, “We’re going to do everything we can.”

It wasn’t long before you saw Sukuna, they were cutting your stomach open, you could feel it but you couldn’t at the same time. The blood loss had you pale, fading in and out, they’re hands on your skin, the wound on your stomach stretching open, it all felt like a dream, maybe that’s why when you saw Sukuna and he stood over you you thought he wasn’t there when you stretched out your hand, the tears in your eyes welling up and everything stopped, there was no sound, no movement, you couldn’t feel a hand on your stomach, you watched as your husband said something but you couldn’t hear it, his head snapped as he yelled looking away from you, you could hear the words as if you were holding your breath underwater and you were losing air. He took your head getting closer, he was there by your head, hands wiping away your tears that were falling freely without you even feeling them. He squeezed your hand roughly, trying to keep your eyes from closing, his words were lost as he moved in closer to you and you heard him clearly in your momentary clarity, “They’re going to save you….”

Your eyes widened, as you tried to sit up only for him to move over you holding you down shaking his head no, he knew if you saw what they were doing you’d surely die from the shock of why your body was facing, he had tried to use his reversed cursed technique, but whoever had done this to you was well versed in their tools. You felt nausea and he watching as your chest heaved, “Y/n, listen to me.” You shook your head in denial, the words leaving your mouth hoarse, “Save him.” Sukuna watching as the people stopped looking at each other concerned, as the mother you had more right to your own body, that was until Sukuna snapped at them for stopping, they were stuck in a bind working with haste as you told them to save your child only for Sukuna to tell them to save you, turning to you and silently begging you to not be stupid, to fight to stay here with him,

Fight to be here with him on those ridiculous morning where your hand would graze over those wind chimes to make them right when there was no wind

When the morning sun lighting up your skin had you glowing like the fog over the mountains

When you would hold his hand and cuddle up to his shoulder

Fight to be here with he and Yuji as he’d run out on his messy robes looking for you just to crawl into your lap and hold onto you

Fight to be with Yuji when he’d cry for hours at night over a night terror and you’d coo at him, taking him your arms rubbing his back and kissing his head and telling him some silly story

Fight to be there with him on those late night where he would lay on your chest, so you could run your hands through his hair and over his shoulders and love him endlessly in a way only you could

Fight to be with him on nights he would hold you close and kiss every inch of your skin reminding you why had chose you out of every other person

Fight to live just a little longer so you could fully understand that no one would ever hold his heart as dearly or as tenderly as you could

Fight so he can take you that village that he had told you about and you dreamed of going once you had given birth, to see those blue spider lilies, to see the wind chimes that would ring in celestial tunes, to see that forest of wysteria he had told you about and you had dreamed of being able to see.

“Sukuna…” your voice was hushed as you did your best to take his hand in both of yours, they were cold, a weak grip, “I won’t.. I know I won’t.” He denied it, “Don’t be so foolish, tell me who did this to you..”

“That woman, she…. Killed everyone…” his anger filled the room, suffocating everyone. “I'LL KILL HER I SHOULD HAVE KILLED HER I WILL KILL HER.” He went to stand from his kneeling position beside you, “after you get up, I will kill her.” He leaned closer and brought your hand to his lips, “You need to get up.”

“I won’t make it… take our-NO.” His word was firm as you both held out in eye contact.

It was happening and you didn’t know it, the room had fallen silent, they were going to obey him, so you sighed, the tears hadn’t stopped, you tried to swallow, “If I can’t be saved you need to save our ch- if you die I’ll do whatever you ask but I won’t let you purposely put yourself in harms way.”

The room was silent, your free arm thrown over your eyes as you felt the faint movement in your stomach, under your skin, there weren’t any cries. Your hand squeezing Sukuna’s, you couldn’t look, move, your chest was burning to breathe.

Your arm slipped from your face and Sukuna was staring at you, you were pale and looked so tired, “Sukuna…” he was attentive, “I love you…” it scared him, the way you had spoken, he knew that tone, it's the tone you’d use when you’d finally admit defeat, “I’m sorry…” his eyes closed as he leaned over pressing his head to yours, he knew you wouldn’t make it, “Y/n…” you tilted your head trying to press your lips to forehead, your lips were cold, still he angled his head to catch your lips, “Take care of you… he loves you so…” Sukuna shook his head with his eyes closed, “it was a whisper when he told you he loved you, your weak hand touching the side of his face, “Don’t leave him alone, he loves being with you Ryomen…” your words were whole, your soft smile and soft eyes were sad, tired, on the verge of death.

“Take of yourself Sukuna, don’t let yourself get carried away in this world…” you shook your head no when he squeezed your hand harder, “I’ll come back to you one day..” he kept shaking his head no, he didn’t want you to come back, he wanted you to stay…

But that wasn’t the case, your hand slipped but he held it tight. Your eyes closed and looked away, his child, he looked like you, same hair, your facial features were prominent, a part of him was greatful the child hadn’t made it, it would’ve been a living reminder of how he couldn’t protect one of the few things in his life he had deemed important enough to change the quality of his life and actions even if it wasn’t by much.

They wrapped your child in your arms after they closed your stomach. Wrapping you in cloth, it was a peculiar idea to Sukuna, to wrap you up in cloth, he understood you were dead, but he couldn’t help but ask if you would be alright. His hand lingering over your face over the cloth, the silhouette of your eyes and nose. He ran the back of one of his hands over your clothed cheek, “I’ll take you home where you belong.”

The ride was long and filled with tears, Yuji cried, screamed, and threw up. He held onto your body pulling at the fabric begging you to wake up, it brought Sukuna to tear up hearing his son’s cries, “MOMMY MOMMY PLEASE DON'T LEAVE ME MOMMYYYY PLEASE PLEASE WAKE UP MOMMY.” Sukuna snatched him off your body as Uraume tucked you away with care into the palanquin, Sukuna was going to set his son down until Yuji grabbed a hold of his neck crying and screaming, dry heaving and mumbling incoherent words. Sukuna pressed a hand to the back of Yuji’s head, another holding his small frame tight and close, hot tears wet his shoulder and chest as Yuji cried in reckless abandon. Sukuna’s own misted eyes burned as he held his child until he finally passed out from crying. He held him tight for much longer after that. Finally laying him once that had gotten far closer to their home…

You were home, you were home but you wouldn’t see another sunrise, or hear the tunes of all those wind chimes he had brought you over time. Home… where you wouldn’t be able to rest under that plum tree you loved so much or have Sukuna or Yuji resting on your lap after you had your tea and sweets…

Sukuna looked at that tree with disdain, a part of him urged him to get rid of it and never be reminded of you, the other part of him longed to see you sit under it one more time, to leave it standing in case you came back one day by some unworldly miracle.

When he picked up Yuji, he’d decided to leave him in his bed to finish sleeping away his distress. He’d have to make plans of where to go from here, Uraume had already preserved your body, it crossed his mind he could preserve you permanently, but he knew it would deal more damage than any other option. You needed to be put to rest, he wouldn’t allow himself to curse you and trap you for your eternal existence. Much less Yuji who had cried and screamed. You deserved to rest at peace.

—- —- —- —- —-

It wasn’t long after that day your husband had taken the initiative in planning your burial. On that same mountain at its peak he built a shrine. He laid your body in a stone reserve, sliding the heavy stone lid over it and stepping back watching Yuji. Your son placed a stone plate that had a carved figure of a mother and a child. For you and his brother he’d never get to meet.

Sukuna lit incense and he lowered his head, Yuji fisted his own robes in his hands sniffling and letting his tears fall silently, you were gone…

“Papa…what are you goina do?” Yuji’s slurred speech pulled Sukuna from his lost thoughts, “Now isn’t the time for that, let’s get you home.”

They turned away from you, the glass chimes on your shrine ringing in soft tunes in the wind, the short wisteria branches were blossoming and shaking in the wind, small blooms floating over the ground in their direction, it almost felt like we’re here.

It was then carrying his son, Yuji who laid the side of his face on his dads chest, little hands in his lap from where he sat on his dads arm, that Sukuna let the tears fall silently as he walked. Uraume bowed their head, eyes closing as they walked, accompanying their master in silence.

Yuji’s eyes looked up at his father and he stayed quiet, he understood everything and could only offer the comfort of his small hand rising to wipe the tears off his fathers face in a similar manner he had seen you do.

It wasn’t long after laying Yuji down for the night that he left him in Uraume’s care.

He went to find that woman Yorozo, promised her marriage if she’d follow him and obey his every order.

She fell for his insincere words, following behind him love struck to the shrine where he moved to stand behind her and drove that equinox flower pin into her head. It would be with her blood he would raise those blossoms for your memory.

Tag List: @sakuxxi @mercymccann @certainduckanchor @najiiix @bakugou-katsukis-wife @amitiel-truth @souyasplushie @mylovelessnightmare @ynjimenez @dolliira @princessluvz @furiousblacktiger @anyaswlrd @shytastemakerthing @alialucille

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blingblong55 · 10 months ago

Text

No Judgement- Simon "Ghost" Riley

---- F!Reader, fluff, dad!Ghost, husband!Ghost, mentions of dad-bod!Ghost ----

A/N: I've been having baby fever for about a week now and recently saw a tiktok and…it made me emotional for some reason so…here's this piece I wrote

Simon was the man who saw himself living in war and dying in it and then you came into his life. For some reason only he knows, he found himself being more careful during missions. Before you, he would rush into a room without care and now, he is more cautious. All because he wants to make it home, to a warm and cosy house. To your arms and loving kisses and to those three kids he swears he'll forever love.

You dated him for 2 years before he knew that you were it for him. Two years and five months, that is what took him to get on his knee and ask you to marry him. Oh if only Tommy was here to see this, that laugh he would have. Before you, Simon didn't show much emotions, besides anger or that cold and rude one he presented himself with. Now, all he can do is talk and talk about all he feels and most of the time, he shows that love and raw emotion through actions.

He didn't cry before you either, except for when his family died but when he saw you walk down the aisle, he couldn't contain the tears. Soap patted his back without judgement for he knew the girl walking to the groom was the one who made the crying groom's heart beat once again. Three years into the marriage, you become pregnant with your first child, a son and oh was Simon delighted.

He was prepared for it all, took courses, read books and made sure the home was baby proof of course, you took the role of being the princess, not a finger lift from you or he would pretend to get upset at it. He needed to protect you, even from the corners of the table, which he of course made sure were ready in case you or the kid would bump into them.

One baby and a puppy later, Simon Riley was a father and for the first two years, he took leave from the military and focused on you and the baby. His eyes are like his father and his energy is just like his. There were days when Simon cried, from sadness and happiness. For one, he was sad his mother didn't get to meet his son and he was happy that for the first time in so long, he knew what a family was like. Lazy Saturdays and Sundays, laying under a tree in the back yard, the grass all nice and soft so the baby would learn to crawl and eventually walk. The puppy watching with the guard, just in case the baby fell.

Simon was always there, for motivation, protection and love. He wanted to ensure that he wouldn't fuck up with this life of his. Soon enough though, he went back to work but he made sure to always have his family in mind. The giggles, the lullabies, smiles and that sweet emotion he had when he watched you and his son. It was bittersweet but so beautiful.

The birth of your second son came as no surprise when Simon once walked to you, shirtless and holding his son with one arm. For some reason that sight alone provoked you to want a second child, which as the loving husband Simon is, he obliged. Nearly ten months and he was by your side, holding your hand, letting you grip it and cry as your second little one came into the world. That cute nose and that smile, what a delight to be a mother to a whole new little light of life.

The holidays became more chaotic as the two boys grew up. Simon slowly left the military, doing fewer missions and being home more often. He began to grow a soft tummy and muscles, something he grew to be insecure about but with plenty of hours of cuddling one night and many kisses that included sweet nothings to his ear, he loved this new him. He wasn't his father but rather the best dad those two little monsters could ever ask for. His beard grew a little and you began to love this sight of him, it was beautiful really. So much so, that one day, as he was doing push-ups with his sons on his back and how they giggled, you teared up.

Making a home was easy but making a happy family was hard and rewarding. Before you knew it, Simon was carrying the kids around the living room, letting them beat him in a playful game of fighting and tag. The giggles around the house, the way Simon smiled like he had entered heaven, that is what made you tear up the most. This is home.

During the holidays, Simon gets so excited that he overdoes it all. He dresses like Santa Claus, eats the biscuits, drinks milk and even gets a treat from the woman of the house. A sneaky little kiss before Santa has to leave for other homes. "I've heard the woman who lives here is the most beautiful, maybe she'll kiss me as a little treat?" He smiles, pleading with those eyes of his. And who could you be to deny him of a sweet kiss?

For the first 5 years of being a proud dad to his two sons, Simon would wear matching outfits with them. It was sweet, watching him get excited like a child, trying to dress his sons up and take them for a walk.

There is one thing he was always making sure would be a rule at home and that is how they treated you. No son of his would be discarding a woman, no son of his would be disrespectful and no son of his would not see how much it takes being a mum and one who works and keeps a home clean and steady. And you bet he taught his sons how to clean and cook later in life.

One warm Spring day came in when you told him the news. Baby number three would be on her merry way. Just like before but with some slight changes, he spoke to your belly. He kissed it, read to it and told his jokes to it. His warm hands are placed on your soft belly when he looks up at you, "Thank you," his eyes are watery and you tilt your head just a bit. "For what?" you ask.

"For giving me a family, for making a home with me. Lovie, before you, I was truly nothing, just a man in a borrowed body and now, I have reason to own this old body of mine. I'm a husband and a dad, I love you," he kisses you and then your belly.

After the birth of your daughter, he like your two sons carried her in a camouflage carrier. A pink bow is one of the little patches. 'Baby girl Riley' is one of those patches as well.

As time went on, he transformed into a retired military officer. Now, he is a full-time dad. Night shifts and diaper changes were his duty as well as your comfort. With more time, he had a softer tummy, his dad bod making him insecure some days but as always, you were there to reassure him it was normal and it was beautiful.

There have been moments when you catch yourself being mesmerised by him.

For instance, when he plays dolls with your daughter or he gets into his role of the cashier when playing grocery. His sass when your daughter doesn't hurry up paying with her card or cash and how he calls her sweetheart any time she pays. There was one time when you saw him sat down on the sofa, watching telly all as your daughter did his makeup, hair and how she gossips with him and he gossips back. By the end of the day, he asks you to undo the tiny rubber bands from his hair.

Before he retired, you found him sitting by his desk, toys all over it as he wrote a report, played and gave his attention to his sons and this was because you were tired and he wanted to give you extra hours of sleep.

He became a football coach for your son's team, every Saturday he was on that field, whistling and shouting for when they make a goal. Of course, you and your daughter sat on the bleachers, eating snacks and cheering for the young footballer of your son. Simon of course would have dark cargo jeans and in most pockets, he had snacks for all his kids. "Daddy, mummy says you have my gummies," his youngest son would softly say and Simon would just pat his bottom pocket and his son would soon take out his gummies.

As his daughter grows old, it's his dad duty to not allow his daughter to date some idiot so, he makes sure to take her on dates, bring her flowers and make her understand how a man should treat her. When he and his two sons go to a different city for some sporting event, he comes back with two bouquets, one for you and one for his princess.

Since he didn't have a stable childhood, Simon, during winter buys everyone matching pyjamas. It just makes things 110% better in his opinion and who can deny a man with easy needs such a cute need? Never you, certainly.

By the time he reaches forty-three, Simon has his entire camera roll filled with pictures of his beautiful family and the occasional picture of a bird he thinks the kids would like to see.

Now, as you lay in bed with him, he turns to you, "I think I have lived this life to its fullest, lovie," he smiles and caresses your face. "Hm, yeah?" you lean into his touch and he nods like a little kid. "I mean, I have three amazing monsters, I am getting to see past thirty and I have always wanted a hot and funny wife, so I know for a fact that I have lived the best of it," he kisses your hand and holds it as he falls asleep.

A/N: Sometimes, I want a husband, a picket fence and lazy weekends with our kids bursting through the door in the morning and feeling like I made it in life…anyway…bye!

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rieamena · 4 months ago

Text

take my hand until the sun goes down

kenji sato & baseball critic!reader headcanons

the first installment

requests put in by the lovely @despacito-uwu16 (bless your beautiful big brain)

marriage hcs ♡

we all know how much ken is in love with you but after that stunt he pulled at the championship game, it got a whole lot worse. he would not let a single chance to call you his fiancée pass by. afterparty following a challenging game? "can't make it, i miss my fiancée." team planning a dinner? "let me ask if my fiancée wants to come!" trying to get out of an agonizing conversation? "oh, my fiancée's calling me." he does not miss a BEAT when it comes to you. and after you got married!?!? oh let me tell you…

he physically cannot stop talking about you. something sweet that you did, how much you are for him, how much he loves you. its gotten so bad that his teammates have to tread lightly when speaking to him just to not trigger a 20 minute long rant about you (they're just jealous!!!). "i took the stray that showed up at my house the other night to the vet and it turns out she's really sick…" "really? that's so sad. you know, that actually reminds me of how my wife and i were eating bread this morning and she just looked so pretty." "how are those two things related!??!"

personal headcanon here but kenji cannot cook for the life of him. he can chop up his vegetables and take out seasoning from the cabinet but do NOT put that man near a stove. he will burn the kitchen down. unfortunately, kenji knew of his innate talent to someway somehow manage to cause chaos everytime he turned on an oven. so what did he do? he started watching you while you cook; occasionally taking notes on online recipes he'd think you'd like. every time you had to leave for an interview or babysit chiho, ken would load up the stove and start practicing. once he felt like he got good enough, kenji surprised you with breakfast in bed. french toast, eggs, bacon, and fruits were laid out on a platter, the delicious smell of it all and the sound of your husband coaxing you from your sleep. "wake up, my love. i made something for you~"

his petnames for you gradually changed as well. 'baby' turned into 'my love', 'my pretty girl' turned into 'my pretty wife', 'princess' stayed though. he loves your reaction when he calls you princess. your eyes become lidded as you look him up and down seductively, "so… are we gonna fuck or…?" ken threw you over his shoulder, teasing your body as he walked to the bedroom, "don't need to ask me twice. you gonna' ride me?" "that was my plan all along, pretty boy."

the first time you called kenji your husband to his face, he stopped thinking. his knees buckled, his heart started racing, his breathing got heavy. he genuinely thought he was about to die but he would be doing so in your arms so it was far more bearable. also!!! he has to kiss you at least three times a day or he dies (i dont make the rules!!). most days, kenji peppers your face in kisses in the morning, presses a kiss to your cheek or forehead in the afternoon, and gives you the most loving and deep kiss just before you head to bed

"[name], i have a crush on you. i love your voice and your smile and you're just so beautiful. i'm in love with you." ken wrapped you in his arms, speaking lowly "ken, we're married. we've been together for six years." "i know but still. just say you don't accept my confession." kenji huffed "no, i do! i have a crush on you too! the biggest one actually. please date me…"

children hcs ♡

kenji is THE girl dad. no questions asked. full stop.

kenji cried and i mean CRIED when you told him you were pregnant. you planned it in such a cute way honestly, it's a shame he didn't get it at first. you baked a couple buns and put them in the kitchen oven. simple, right? wrong. when ken got home and you kindly asked him to look in the oven for you, he was mildly confused. "you just have a lot of bread in here." you lightly pushed him out of the way, taking out every bun except one. "and now?" "you have one bread in the oven." "try again." "you have a roll in the oven." ken winked at you, swearing that he got it right this time. "not a roll but a…" "a….?" "there's a bun in the oven, kenji! i'm pregnant!"

he was the (self-proclaimed) master of the art of ponytails and braids, often getting compliments from other parents on his skills. his mornings usually started with your daughter climbing onto his lap, handing him a hairbrush and a collection of colorful hair ties. kenji would carefully detangle her hair, his hands gentle but efficient, and then he would create intricate braids that she would show off to her friends at school

kenji also knew every princess, superhero, and storybook character by heart. his nights often ended with him sitting on the edge of his daughter's bed with you, reading her favorite stories with dramatic flair, his voice changing for each character, making her giggle and beg for one more chapter.

one evening, as the sun set and the playground began to empty, she ran up to her dad, breathless and excited. she had found a shiny pebble and declared it to be a magical gem. kenji knelt down, his eyes twinkling with amusement, and listened intently as they wove an elaborate tale about the pebble's powers. he played along, his imagination as vivid as theirs, and they spent the rest of the evening concocting a story that would become a cherished memory.

and at his baseball games, he would always scan the crowd for his two girls, and once he found you cheering loudly in the stands, he never failed to flash his signature smile and give you both a wink.

"i mean, she needs a sister. don't want her growing up an only child like me." kenji whispered as you placed your baby daughter into her bassinet. "darling, if you want another baby, just say that." "please please please, can we have another one??" "not right now. but yes ken, we can have another baby."

requests for them are open <3

taglist <3

@mochminnie @yellowheartz @ririkacchi @ifharbingerbad--whyhot @reit0o @luvshleyyy @lovingyeet @stickypaperstarlight @raee-dreeaaamz @rreasonablydumbb @bandolls @gingersnap126126 @automalvo @spiderboogie @shellspider @blogscach @nightingale047 @deadbydad @deadbydad-writes @phantomface

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del-thetiredwriter · 4 months ago

Note

There's so much we can do with that Cheater Daemon x wife reader AU

Like Daemon witnessing his wife's burning hatred towards him. She didn't express it in front of him rather it's other actions that prove her hatred

He saw his wife in a storeroom, holding a knife to rip off and slash multiple cuts on a portrait with his face in it. She didn't care that her palm is bleeding from gripping the knife too hard, she's just focusing on saying how he's such a pathetic trash,how ugly he is despite his beautiful face and basically disfiguring the entire portrait. When he asked her about her bandaged hand afterwards,she just said it was an accident while she's walking and none of his business at all

He read her diary full of her regrets for marrying him as well as her hateful words towards his entire existence,even a list of men she should've had married instead of him,Criston Cole was on the list and even the fact he might be into his own niece. Hell she's even planning on how to push him towards Rhaenyra so that she can freely escape him. She even wrote that she rather died or killed by him than suffering by living with him

She even had a conversation with Criston Cole about how terrible her husband is and the knight just listened to it all,he knows how the Targaryens are,he did work for them after all Criston Cole maybe Daemon's potential love rival

Sometimes Reader even pretended Daemon didn't exist,just ignore him and how in her sleep,she sometimes say other men's names except Daemon,it was never his name that came out of her lips when she was sleeping

Part1 , part2

Well these are great ideas. And like you said we have so much material to use. And I did a little work from the things you said. It’s like a part 2.1?

——————————————————————————

Daemon sighed. Visersy would rarely see your brother this thoughtful and sad? Seeing, Visersy clapped him on the shoulder.

"What's the problem?"

"Nothing." replied Little Brother.

“Come on Daemon, you can't fool me. Come on, talk to me. What's your problem?”

The white-haired prince sighed.

"My wife. It's just that my wife has been a little weird lately?"

"Strange? your wife? Y/n? You are kidding."

Visersy handed Daemon a glass of wine.

"Yes. She’s been acting really weird lately. Recently I saw her in the storeroom with a knife in her hand, injuring herself..."

“The gods gave you outer beauty, but there is nothing left for your character!” You shouted and added another cut to the portrait.

"Damn you!" And one more cut...

While you were combing your hair in front of the mirror, you heard that damn voice. “My wife~” your beloved husband hugged you from behind. You tried to ignore him.

"What happened to your hand?" ' he asked in a worried but also angry voice. He held your bandaged hand.

"Nothing. I fell while walking, That's all." You pulled your hand back.

"Are you sure?"

"I am sure."

“…I won't even talk about what was written in her diary!” Daemon took a harsh sip from his goblet.

“But seriously, how can she compare me to those damn knights! Moreover, her conversation with that guy yesterday! I will kill that guy!”

Visersy nodded understandingly.

"What am I going to do with this woman? She acts as if I don't exist!"

Daemon groaned. Visersy patted his brother on the back.

"What can I say? You reap what you sow.”

#hotd angst #hotd daemon #hotd x reader #hotd imagine #hotd fanfic #daemon targeryen x reader #daemon targaryen x reader #cheater daemon #house of the dragon angst #house of dragon fanfiction #house of the dragon #yandere daemon targaryen x reader #yandere daemon

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moechies · 5 months ago

Text

౨ৎ ⋆ pinky promise! ꨄ toji fushiguro

sypnosis: pinky promises with your big endearing husband

content warnings 𝜚 𓈒 1.4kwords ꒱ angst w/ comfort ending, fluff, reader cries :<, big soft amazing husband toji

author’s note : dis dumb idea popped up into my head during a break ‘nd i couldn’t stop thinking about it all dayyy!! fic may be a little self indulgent and delusional but :( fun fact,, yv can’t deal with angst where the charac dies because it actually makes so sad so i have to give dem a happy ending :,3

enjoy !1!1!

it’s dumb.

pinky promises at your grown age, intertwining fingers with another and pressing a chaste kiss to your thumb to seal it. you’re not a kid anymore.

in fact, toji thinks it’s dumb too.

the moment you told him about the scarcity of pinky promises, and how much they meant to you, he laughed. he held you in his arms tightly on the cushioned couch of your shared living room, chuckling as you verbally beat him up about laughing at you.

“i’m serious, stop laughing !”

“‘m sorry doll, but that’s ridiculous.”

“nuh uh, it’s not.” you stuff a chip in his mouth, “if you wanna date me, y’have to do pinky promises with me.”

his eyes bore into your cheeky grin, what a contagious little thing. he can’t help but crack a smile at the childish request, mumbling a little something under his breath before you poke at his cheek.

“what did you say?!” you yelp, fingers pulling at his cheeks.

“nothin,’ doll, don’t worry about it.” he grins before gently tugging his face away from your assaulting fingers, careful not to embarrass your little ego. you pout, but don’t forget about your original question to the man,

“so? y’have to do it, because you can’t break up with me..” you pout at the thought, head lowering in hopes that he’d fall for your pity trap and subconsciously agree.

he laughs. toji isn’t dumb, not even close. “okay, i’ll do those childish little promises with you.”

“they’re not childish, toji!”

“they are.”

“they’re not !”

“they.. definitely are.” he snickers.

“fine. whatever. can we make our first promise, then?” you hold out a pinky to his face, nicely manicured with a pretty slim band on your ring finger.

you tug on his larger hand, pulling on the pinky that he purposefully clenched into his fist. “let go, toji!” you squeal, attempting to pull his finger away from the inside of his palm, but he keeps a firm grip to get a reaction out of you. he decides it’s enough when he sees your mouth open, obviously resorting to biting.

“alright, alright, here.” he huffs, pointing out his pinky mirroring yours.

your smile is magnetic, eyes as big as doe’s as you intertwine your pinky into his. “okay, what should our first promise be?”

“you decide cutie.”

“mm,” your brows furrow, “kay, you have to promise to love me forever.”

“dumb girl. that’s a given. no?”

“doesn’t matter!” you shake your head, “y’can’t ever break a promise! ever. this is just confirmation, okay?” you grin, kissing the man on the cheek when he nods stiffly.

“okay, say it then.”

“i’ll love you, my sweet girl, forever.” he can’t help but smile when your face flushes, lips quivering slightly almost as if you’re nervous. your eyes are hardly able to look into his, as if two highschool virgins who just shared their first kiss.

“k-kay,” you giggle, “i promise to love you forever too, toji.” toji hums, “that’s right.”

“okay, now, you have to kiss your thumb. we hafta do it at the same time.”

“for what ?”

“to seal it, toji ! so you can never go back on it.”

he kisses the tip of his thumb simultaneously as you nip yours, diamond eyes staring into yours. you grow flustered, hand which had been intertwined with his lightly slapping against his face to stop his staring.

“stop lookin’ at me like that!”

.⋆*

you subconsciously turn your body away from your husband, moaning and writhing in your sleep. beads of sweat crown on your forehead as your mewls grow loud, waking toji up in a cold sweat.

he fumbles to you, shaking your arm slightly in order to wake you. your short sniffles make his heart drop, pulling himself over you to see your face.

you’re crying.

a singular tear beads in the corner of your eye, limping down the bridge of your nose before spilling onto the white sheets. toji watches you intently, still attempting to awaken you without scaring you soulless.

“c’mon sweet thing, wake up.” he whispers, adjusting and pulling your body close into his, snug against his chest. he feels a slight tickle against his bare pecs when your head falls into and against his shoulder, watching your lashes slowly trickle open, eyelids fluttering rapidly.

you scramble gently before you’re aware, giving in and falling pliantly against your husband as he coos.

he feels his heart ache when you nudge yourself further into his body, wrapping your smaller arms around his torso, mumbling incoherent nothings into his chest with unnoticed tears.

“t— toji , d-don—“

“come ‘ere, doll. tell me what’s wrong? hm? ‘s alright.” he coos, laying low so that you’re face to face, and no longer hiding against his chest. his lips come to press a warm chaste kiss against your forehead, thumb soothing over your messy baby hairs as he reads into your expression.

“t-toji.” you sniffle, attempting your best to pull yourself together to rid the weight off your chest. “‘s just me, doll.” he grins.

“toji, can we make a promise? pinky promise? p-please?” you stutter, and it rips him to pieces. to see you so vulnerable, eyes full of innocent pain, as if you were once again, a kid who had just gotten told no.

he wanted to see it back, yours bright eyes so full of life. and looking into your crystalline ones now, he almost didn’t know if he would ever have it back.

“y-yeah, of course, sweet thing. what’s wrong ?”

“promise,” you sniffle,

“promise you’ll always be h-here, always gonna come home to me, and we’ll live happily ever after. o-okay?”

he feels a lump grow in his throat.

so desperate, so eager to say ‘yes, i promise,’ but yet when he opens his mouth to speak, there’s nothing; not even a squeak. so silent you could hear a pin drop.

his chest tightens when he feels your pinky point out from your fist below the sheets, feeling your hand slowly drag against the blanket, bringing it up towards his face. his chest aches, staring into your clueless-like eyes with a gaze he never once had before.

“please, pinky p-promise, toji?” the silence carried you on edge, bottom lip quivering as tears thread along your lash line threatens to spill.

“doll, i can’t.” he whispers, pressing a gentle kiss onto the back of your hand.

and there it was, that look, almost as if he had betrayed you, told you he didn’t love you. he feels his world crash down, as so do you at the sudden beam of reality, the cruel world you and your lover had been stuffed in.

“b-but—“

“i can’t, doll. i can’t lie t’you like that. y’said i can never break your pinky promises, hm?“

“yes but—“ his thumb swipes across your flushed cheeks, barely holding himself together having to look into your broken expression. eyes full of hopelessness, and it breaks his heart.

“don’t cry, baby.” he kisses the tip of your nose,

“y’know i’d give everythin’ to be able to promise you that if i could.”

and you sob.

hopelessly into the man’s chest, holding him impossibly close as he does the same back. his arm splayed across your back, pulling you in tight as he shushes your cries. “baby, don’t cry. look at me. please?” you shake your head, sniffling into his collar before he takes the matter into his own hands, tipping your chin to look at him.

you attempt to refuse, but he leaves you no chance to be let off.

“doll.”

“hnn.. stop,” you writhe in his grip, just the very least bit annoyed that he wouldn’t let you cry in peace.

“i promise, i’ll find you in every life time. anything i am, anywhere ill be, i promise. i’ll find you. okay? i’ll pinky promise you that.” he glances down before tugging your hand towards him, pressing 2 light kisses on your hand. one on the fingers of your clenched fist, finger prodding against the tight clench before pressing another kiss onto your palm.

“i pinky promise doll. i’ll love you beyond death doing us part.”

he smiles, watching your expression turn lighter than before, sniffles turning quiet before pointing out a weak pinky towards him.

“i promise— pinky promise, i-i’ll love you beyond death doing us part, toji.”

“mhm.” he mumbles, pressing a kiss onto his fingertip, and watching you do the same.

“toji, i love you.” a dumb fat smile grows across his face, and before you know it, he’s smothering your damped face with gentle kisses. “t-toji stop !” and he sighs with relief when he hears you giggle, finally stopping as he trails down your neck to hide into the short crevice of your collarbone.

“i’ll love you more than you’ll ever know, doll.”

#toji fluff #fushiguro toji x reader #toji <3 #jujutsu toji #jjk toji #jujutsu kaisen toji #toji zenin #toji fushiguro #toji x reader #toji x you #toji x y/n #fanfiction♪♬♫

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hellodropbear · 2 months ago

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17520 hours.

mapi leon x ingrid engen x daughter (ish)

angst. part of the 'it's time.' series

mapi struggles on the two year anniversary of her best friend's death. Ingrid is right there to help her but she doesn't know how to let her in.

this is a lot more angst than i'm used to posting but i hope you like it.

it was hard to write and partially based on personal experiences so i apologise if it's not very good.

also decided to put it all in one part because i couldn't find a good place to split it!

i hope you enjoy :)

~~~~~~

Two years is a long time.

Two years is 104 weeks, two years is 730 days. Two birthdays, two christmases, two easters. Two summers and two winters, two new years and two anniversaries.

Two years is a long time to miss someone. It should be enough time to have moved on.

But when their daughter is in your care, that seems almost impossible.

It was everyday that Mapi thought about her best friend, sometimes looking at her daughter and only seeing his eyes staring right back at her.

The day was one that the Spaniard dreaded, the days becoming quicker and quicker in the lead up, the night before slowing right down as she crawled into bed, tossing and turning as she tried to sleep.

Isabel was almost two. Still too young to understand that there was anything out of the ordinary in her life, anything that raised any questions. Even if Mapi tried explaining, she was sure that her daughter wouldn’t have the first idea what anything meant.

She wouldn’t understand that Mapi wasn’t supposed to have her even though she gave birth. She wouldn’t understand that her parents had died because her Mami was right there in front of her.

It was just a part of parenthood that Mapi had no idea how to conquer. She knew everything else, having spent hours and hours with her head buried in countless baby books, countless books that discussed grief and sadness in children.

But Isabel wasn’t sad, she wasn’t grieving because she never knew Luis or Isabel.

There were no books about how to tell a kid about her dead parents. It was a taboo topic, of sorts, one that many stand-in parents were reluctant to discuss with their child, hoping that they would just believe that they were their real parents. It was a bridge most people decided to cross when they had to, not at any point earlier than completely necessary.

Mapi didn’t want that, she wanted her daughter to know who Luis was, who Isabel was.

She just didn’t know when or how she should introduce the idea of them.

But the second anniversary of their death left Mapi in a numb state, entirely torn up on the inside as she tried to decide whether she would take her daughter with her on her annual graveyard visit. It was Mapi’s time to chat to Luis alone, no interruptions, no distractions.

Because while Isabel lost her parents, Mapi lost her lifelong best friend.

She lost Luis, who meant everything and more to her. Luis who had moved to Barcelona a few months after her, Luis who watched every single one of her games, the first person to text her after a hard loss or an impressive win.

She still hadn’t got out of the habit of checking her phone after a match, pain settling deep in her chest as her screen remained bare, his notification forever absent.

It wasn’t a question of where she would be on the second anniversary. She knew exactly where she would be sat and exactly how she would feel as she stared at that obnoxiously large gravestone, big bold carvings of his name, his date of birth and date of death.

‘Loving husband, son and friend.’ it read. Not father. ‘A man who lit up the lives of everyone he met.’ It was an understatement, Mapi had thought.

She had spent hours there when Isabel was a newborn, cradling her tiny body in her arms as she sat and silently stared at those few words. Loneliness ate her up, wishing for nothing other than her best friend.

But her daughter had lit up her world as everything else was crumbling down, single handedly keeping the two of them afloat as Mapi grew tired, the sheer weight of her emotions almost drowning them.

Isabel was an infant, too young to know anything was different. She was completely enraptured by her mother, smiling and laughing everyday they spent together in their small and stuffy apartment, completely unaware of the anguish that her mother was going through.

It seemed fitting on the second anniversary of their death, only a couple months before her second birthday that Isabel would finally visit their gravestones.

Even the thought of the graveyard made her feel uncomfortable, Mapi’s skin crawling at the thought of her best friend beneath her, cold and still. Someone she loved, such a warm and constant presence in her life, lying right there in the ground.

It made her feel sick. Sick with anger because he was gone too soon. With grief because she never got to say goodbye. With guilt because she got to have the one thing he had always wanted. But mostly sick with the heartbreaking realisation that he was down there, in the flesh.

Luis was dead.

~~~~~~

It wasn’t a cold day, but she shivered as she stepped out of the car, the cool breeze prickling her skin as she unclipped a groggy Isabel from the back seat.

“Where are we, Mami?”

She looked around at her unfamiliar surroundings in confusion, probably expecting to have woken up in her bed.

Mapi just hugged her, not trusting her voice to not break if she tried to respond.

Despite only visiting twice before, the graveyard was familiar, she knew exactly how to get to Luis’ plot. She walked with purpose, not looking at the grave as she laid down the rug, only facing her best friend’s name once she was sat down.

“This is your Papi, Is.”

Saying it out loud, her daughter in her arms. His daughter in her arms. It felt unusual, it felt uncomfortable. She could feel Isabel looking up at her, the confusion that radiated from the toddler’s body.

She loosened her arms as Isabel wriggled herself free, waddling towards the stone and placing her hand on it.

“Papi?”

She looked back at Mapi, a question in her eyes. She was met with tears slipping down her Mami’s face.

“Mami.”

In an instant, she was back in Mapi’s arms, reaching up and wiping away the tears.

“No sad, Mami. Brave like lion.”

Mapi nodded, a watery chuckle falling from her mouth.

“I’m going to talk to your Papi, Is. Is that ok?”

Isabel nodded, settling herself on the rug with her lion toy as Mapi stood up, walking closer to the stone and placing her hand on his name, crouching down so it was at eye level.

“Meet your daughter, Lu. She has your eyes, you know. She’s funny and smart and entirely the light of my life. I love her so much. More than I ever loved you. More than I’ve ever loved anyone, really. I promise. I promise I’ve tried my best and I hope you’re proud of her. I hope you’re proud of me.”

She bit her lip, unsuccessfully biting back her own tears.

“It’s been two years, Lu. I don’t know how I have made it through two whole years without you, really. It’s been so… hard. I still expect to see you, to hear from you. Sometimes I think I do, only to realise that it’s not possible. Because you’re dead. You weren’t supposed to die, not so soon. You were supposed to watch your daughter grow, I was supposed to be her really cool aunt that she would go to when you argued, to give her that tattoo when you said no. ”

She let out a strangled chuckle, trying to alleviate some of the pain she felt. They had discussed Mapi’s relationship with the child at length, knowing that the centre back would love the child as her own because she was always with Luis, she would always be around the couple as they raised their child. That wouldn’t have changed if she wasn’t biologically Mapi’s.

Back then, Mapi had thought she would have been fine with the situation. She knew the baby wasn’t really hers, she knew that she would still be able to watch the baby grow up, that she would still be able to love her.

It wasn’t a problem that had actually materialised, but they hadn’t expected both Isabel and Luis to die right before she was born.

“Now I have to discipline her, Luis, which is the one thing I didn’t want to have to do. But she’s such a good girl, she is so intelligent. Like you, really. She knows how I feel all the time, she definitely inherited your emotional intelligence. She loves everyone too, just like you. I was never supposed to be a mother, was I? You were always the paternal one out of the two of us, you were the one who deserved a child. But I am the one that got her.”

She swallows roughly, biting her lip.

“Oh Luis, you would have loved her so much.”

Very quickly, she is overcome by her tears, collapsing down into herself in sobs.

It’s all too much, it’s all too hard.

It’s unfair that her best friend left her, that she was left alone to grow up. Growing up was something they had discussed at length when they were younger. Obviously they were never going to be married, they’d never live together.

They had dreamt of adjoining houses, doors that connected their backyards. They were going to grow up together, the two of them. Luis would have his wife and a gaggle of kids, Mapi would have her wife and a pack of cats. They’d have their own families but their lives would be so closely connected because they loved each other in the purest way possible.

A childhood connection, one that grew and grew into adulthood.

One that was supposed to last a lifetime.

It did last a lifetime, it lasted Luis’ lifetime. Just not Mapi’s.

She calmed herself down after a couple minutes, Isabel unsurprisingly noticing her mother’s sadness and crawling into her arms as a source of comfort.

They sat there for hours, an easy silence settling upon the pair. Mapi was deep in thought, Isabel knew it wasn’t the time for play, it wasn’t the time for her mindless babbling.

It had been a couple hours when she heard the footsteps, people approaching silently.

She hadn’t expected to see anyone there, but upon reflection she realised she had been naive - it was the anniversary after all.

“Maria?”

She hadn’t heard Ane’s voice in two years. The last conversation they had was full of empty promises, of visits to Zaragoza that Mapi knew she would not go on. Promises that they would get to know the child that was growing in Mapi’s stomach, promises that they wouldn’t lose touch.

They had lost touch, Mapi unable to visit Luis’ home whenever she returned to her parents. Ane and Mikel were in too much pain to see the child, not sure how they could face it.

“Ane.” She stood up, facing the older woman and allowing herself to be enveloped in her arms.

“It’s so good to see you, Maria.”

Mapi could only nod, her eyes still watery and her face still red. It had been a long morning.

She turned to face Mikel, who was staring straight forward, his eyes only softening as Mapi grabbed his hand and kissed it.

“I have missed you both.” She smiled softly. It was a sad smile, but a real one.

They were Luis’ parents, of course, but they were her pseudo parents whenever she needed them. They were so close, especially when Mapi and Luis were in their teenage years.

“Is this… is that her?”

Ane looked down at the curly headed girl, her eyes softening as she watched her play with her toys.

“Isabel Luisa.” Mapi nodded. “I thought today would be a good day for her to come visit.”

The older woman looked down at the child adoringly, smiling as she looked up at the unfamiliar adults.

It was a bit awkward for a few moments, as Mapi, Mikel and Ane sat in an uncomfortable silence.

Mapi excused herself, moving away to the bathrooms but leaving her belongings by the grave. She knew she wanted to talk to them, that they wanted to talk to her.

She also knew they needed some time alone before they would be able to.

But she did return, sitting down on her rug right beside the older couple.

And Ane spoke, her voice soft, her voice sad.

She told Mapi how grateful she is, how glad she is that she took Isabel in, that she didn’t even question it. How grateful she is that Mapi did everything to make her son happy all throughout his life, from buying him an extra chocolate bar when they were children to carrying his baby for him when he and his wife were unable to do it.

Ane told her that she had given him his one dream, fatherhood. It was just unlucky that he wasn’t alive to live it.

There were tears in her eyes as she told her how grateful Luis would be. How much he loved her. How happy he would be that his daughter ended up with the Spaniard, the person he probably trusted the most in the world.

Mapi nodded her appreciation, sitting with the two adults for a while longer before Isabel grew tired, the sun falling down, the afternoon turning into evening.

She said a tearful goodbye, collecting her things and standing, Mikel standing up as well and walking her to her car.

“She looks just like him.” His words were soft, softer than Mapi had ever heard him. “I have thought about you every day, Maria. You and her. I am so relieved to see you here because I worried so much about you. I worried that you wouldn’t be ok, that you’d not be able to raise her. Not because I doubted you, but because I know how hard it is to lose people.”

Mapi nodded softly, looking up at the man.

“I don’t doubt that you have had a hard time, but I also don’t doubt that you’re a good Mami. A great Mami to this little girl.”

“Thanks, Mikel.”

He nodded, that was all he needed to say.

It was all he needed to say for Mapi to tear up again, picking Isabel up and holding her in his space. He looked at the Spaniard, who nodded, before placing a soft kiss on her head.

“Come visit, Maria. When you come home. Bring the little one too.”

Mapi nodded, a smile on her face.

This time, it wasn’t an empty promise.

~~~~~~

She got home to an empty apartment. Quiet, dark. She could have texted Ingrid, the Norwegian likely would have come over in an instant, her warm arms right there for endless comfort.

But she couldn’t bring herself to open her phone, couldn’t bring herself to stand up and walk over to the kitchen table where it was sitting. Instead, she stayed seated, relaxed back on the sofa with tears tracking down her face as she stared blankly at the wall.

It wasn’t often that she was left alone with her thoughts. Not when she had a chatty toddler to look after, a loving girlfriend who spent every day trying to make Mapi happy. It worked, because Ingrid did make her happy, happier than she’d ever been.

And Isabel also made her happy, she was the best thing in the Spaniard’s life.

So why did she feel so sad? Why was Luis’ death still so hard for her to process?

Two years felt like too long to still be so upset about it all. She wondered when it would go away. If it would ever go away.

His death was something that Mapi didn’t think she would ever be able to comprehend. She was able to live her life as normal again, plastering a smile to cover up the mess that she was on the inside. But it had taken such a long time to even get to that point, despite her daughter’s positive presence.

Everyone knew how long it had taken. Mapi didn’t think anyone really knew how broken up she still felt about it. A part of her was embarrassed, embarrassed that she still hadn’t gotten over it. Was still yet to move on.

Even as she thought it over, progress seemed so impossible. The thought of moving on like so many people had told her to do made her feel sick, because how was she supposed to move on when he was everything to her?

She didn’t sleep that night, barely able to smile as she fed Isabel and put her to bed. The toddler knew something was wrong, of course, a frown on her face as Mapi put her down for the evening.

Isabel had seen Mapi sad before. Lots of times, really, but her mother usually tried her best to hide it from her. She would push the emotions down and far away as she interacted with her kid but Isabel was so perceptive, so in tune with Mapi’s emotions.

She knew whenever Mapi was sad. It made her feel sad too.

But Isabel never would have known that her mother was sitting in the same spot on the sofa all night, her mind a rollercoaster of thoughts and emotions, resisting any rest that tried to fall upon her.

She wasn’t sure if she regretted telling Ingrid that she wanted to be alone for the day, that her girlfriend shouldn’t come over like she usually did. The Spaniard just didn’t know if it would make it better or worse. She didn’t know how to alleviate herself from some of the pain she felt.

She realised she didn’t know much at all.

Mapi watched as the sun rose outside, the night becoming morning. The new day arriving along with the sounds of birds chirping, the city happily waking up as the clouds had gone away and the sun had finally come out.

Two years and one day.

Her daughter’s whining was audible from her spot in the main room as she woke up. Her daughter’s whining was probably the only thing that would have successfully moved her from her seat.

“Mami!” Isabel frowned at the sight of her mother as her door opened, dark bags beneath her red and puffy eyes.

“Good morning, my girl.”

She smiled weakly, kneeling beside her toddler and raking her hand through her hair as Isabel became more aware of her surroundings.

It was a slow morning; a slow rise from bed and a slow breakfast. The toddler was still in her pyjamas by 10, her hair and teeth remained unbrushed.

It was no surprise that Ingrid was on the other side of the door at 11, Isabel opening the door when she heard the knocks. The Norwegian had a bright smile on her face as she scooped Isabel up into her arms and planted a soft kiss on her cheek.

“Mami, Ingrid.” She pointed over at where Mapi was standing, and it was one glance at the Spaniard that told Ingrid that despite her promise that she’d be alright, her girlfriend was definitely not ok. Her smile faded and she frowned slightly, concern etched deep into her features,

Her steps towards Mapi were tentative, unsure how to approach the situation.

It wasn’t that she didn’t know Mapi, of course she knew her. She just didn’t know about Mapi’s grief. She had heard from teammates that she hadn’t dealt with the death well, that she had locked herself up in her house for months, over a year. But it was one topic that the Spaniard avoided at all costs, a master of changing the subject whenever it would come up.

Ingrid never felt like it was her place to pry.

But now, seeing her girlfriend so… broken, so depleted, it made her regret not being more insistent in those times. Because maybe if they spoke about it then, she would know how to help.

But in that moment, she had no idea what to do.

“Maria…” Her voice was quiet. “I’ve missed you.”

Mapi didn’t reply, but she could feel Ingrid’s free arm wrapping around her and she immediately clung onto her girlfriend. She was desperate and Ingrid was a lifeline.

“Alright. Isabel, do you want to go play with Bagheera for a minute?”

The child nodded as she was placed back on the floor, walking out of the kitchen and into the lounge where the cat was likely waking up from her nap.

Mapi, still clinging onto the Norwegian’s arm, frowned slightly, still not willing herself to make eye contact with Ingrid.

“You’re not ok, Mapi, are you?”

She didn’t nod, she didn’t shake her head. Her mouth remained completely sealed.

But Ingrid knew her well enough to recognise the tears that filled up her eyes, the way her hand trembled against the Norwegian’s skin.

The brunette softened, her worries confirmed; leaving Mapi alone for the entire previous day was probably one of the worst promises she had ever made. She shouldn’t have agreed to it, not when she knew that Mapi would need her.

“Ok. It’s ok. You’ll be ok, Maria. I just want you to sit down for me.”

She led her around to the other side of the kitchen bench, sitting down in a seat right beside her and wrapping her arm around the Spaniard’s shoulders.

The Norwegian could feel herself becoming more and more anxious at Mapi’s almost catatonic state, entirely unequipped and unsure how to deal with it.

It took half an hour of speaking to Mapi with no response for Ingrid to realise that she couldn’t do anything. A heartbreaking realisation of sorts, but one that she needed to have in order to help her.

She knew she should be able to do this herself, she wished that it didn’t have to be so hard. But Alexia had been there before Ingrid, Alexia had been there for Mapi during Isabel’s infancy, right after she lost Luis.

So she sent the Spanish midfielder a quick text, alerting her of the centre back’s state.

She felt guilty as the relief surged through her, Alexia assuring her that she would be there soon.

However, neither the Spaniard nor the Norwegian could see the toddler’s tears, her quiet whimpers of anxiety and upset.

Isabel didn’t like seeing Mapi upset, not at all. She was a happy person, usually, a permanent smile on her face, energetic as she played with the toddler.

But she sat and stroked Bagheera, silent tears streaming down her little face with one thought on her mind. Why was Mami so sad all of a sudden? And why did it make her feel so miserable too?

Alexia arrived in a flurry, her heart dropping at the sight of her friend as she rushed towards her, immediately pulling her into a suffocating hug.

“Maria, Maria. Come on, please. Say something.” Her voice sounded urgent and Ingrid could only watch, worry and confusion clear on her face.

With no response, Alexia leaned back, staring straight into Mapi’s eyes. She could read the centre back like a book and her eyes told her everything she needed to know.

“Ale.”

She frowned, tilting her head at the blonde in front of her.

“Mapi, breathe. Take a deep breath in.”

Ingrid slipped out of the room as Mapi followed Alexia, breathing in and out slowly until she collapsed into Alexia’s arms, the tears spilling from her eyes easily as she reconnected with reality.

It was her reaction to sadness, Mapi had realised a few months ago. Disconnecting from the world around her, unable to move, speak. She could barely hear anything, see anything until it was right in front of her face.

She couldn’t feel anything either, but that was a more common response, something that she couldn’t be pulled out of so easily.

She hated it, more than anything. Because when she was pulled from her state of disconnect, she felt nothing but terror, an overwhelming sadness that came rushing back as soon as that trap door opened.

It was like her body was trying to protect her from feeling, the emotions just too much. It would just shut down until she was numb, not really registering that at some point she just had to feel it because there was no way of getting away from those emotions.

Alexia had seen it all before and she was usually the one to grab Mapi, to shake her out of her headspace and bring her back to reality.

It was terrifying for her too, especially the first time she witnessed it.

“Ale.”

Mapi’s sobs had been reduced to quiet whimpers into Alexia’s shoulder after a while, her mind throwing itself through all her thoughts, all her emotions. Luis was gone, Luis had been gone for two years. She has his daughter, her Isabel who she loves so much. Ingrid was here but now she is not, where has Ingrid gone? Alexia, right in front of her, fear visible in the midfielder’s eyes no matter how hard she tried to hide it.

Luis was gone, Isabel was hers. Ingrid was gone, Alexia was here.

Luis, Isabel, Ingrid, Alexia.

Her four people.

She felt her breath hitch, Alexia’s arms tightening around her.

She felt the tears dripping down from her eyes, saturating the fabric of Alexia’s shirt, the wet fabric now uncomfortable to rest her face on.

She could hear Alexia’s breathing, the sound of her heart racing.

Feel Alexia’s arms around her, the floor beneath her feet and the chair that she was sitting on.

Taste the salty tears. Tears of grief, fear, confusion.

Luis, Isabel, Ingrid, Alexia.

“Ale, where is Isabel?”

~~~~~~

Ingrid slipped out of the room easily, not needed as Alexia dealt with Mapi’s overwhelming emotions.

Mapi’s cries were audible from the main room she found herself in, wincing as she walked towards Isabel who was still stroking Bagheera, her movements fluid and repetitive, a consistent cycle that easily could have rubbed a groove into the cat’s black fur.

The Norwegian couldn’t see the tears that had stained the little girl's face, still spilling from her eyes no matter how hard she tried to blink them away.

But her shoulders shook unnaturally, a shuddering inhale that had Ingrid picking up her pace and sitting down right beside Isabel and pulling her into her arms as soon as she noticed how upset she was.

Silently, she placed a thoughtful kiss on the crown of her head, her heart breaking at the silent tears, at Isabel's defeated demeanour.

No toddler should know how to cry silently.

"What's wrong, Is?"

At her words, Isabel promptly spun around in Ingrid's arms, collapsing into her and crying audibly, her entire body weight relying on the Norwegian to be held.

"Mami sad, Ingrid. I'm sad too!"

Her voice was broken and Ingrid’s heart dropped at the sound of it.

It wasn’t hard to leave, understanding that Isabel needed to get out of the apartment, that she needed to be away from the inconsolable Mapi who could still be heard crying in the kitchen.

So she left, slipping out the front door and carrying Isabel down to the street, holding her tight as she cried, walking over to the park.

By the time they reached their familiar bench, her cries had weakened, only releasing quiet puffs of air every few moments as she relished in the comfort of Ingrid’s arms.

The Norwegian sat down, loosening her grip on the toddler and manoeuvring her so that they were looking right at each other. Ingrid’s frown was light and her hands were soft as she reached out and wiped the tears away from Isabel’s wet cheeks, cupping her face when she was done.

Words failed the defender as she looked at the toddler, her uncanny resemblance to Mapi heightened in her upset state.

She matched her mother perfectly, Ingrid thought, trying to avoid that voice in the back of her head that she would never be enough. Their smiles were identical and their laughs sounded the same. They both carried the same exasperated sigh, the confused frown and those doe eyes that were impossible to say no to. But they carried the same tears, the same cries.

Mapi’s emotions were often reflected in her daughter, whether it was happiness, excitement, fear, sadness. Isabel was smart - emotionally intelligent. It was like she always knew exactly how her Mami was feeling, even if she wasn’t old enough to understand why, to understand what those feelings were.

This was one of those times when she had no idea what this sadness meant. She could clearly feel the sadness, feel her mother was sad. But she wasn’t even two yet, how could she possibly be expected to process those emotions like someone years older?

Ingrid wasn’t bad with kids either. There were heaps of children in her family; cousins, nieces, nephews. She’d been there throughout all of their childhoods, able to comfort them and soothe them enough until their parents came back.

But Isabel’s sadness was completely new territory, there was no waiting for Mapi to arrive because Ingrid knew she wouldn’t. It was up to her to calm down the child but for the first time, she was completely stumped.

She didn’t know what she could say to calm her down. She didn’t know how Isabel felt, she was too young to be able to express her emotions, to talk through what she was feeling.

But this wasn’t a tantrum or a small cry over a minor convenience. This was a meltdown, caused by her overwhelming emotions that she couldn’t quite comprehend.

“Ingrid…”

She spoke quietly, leaning into the comfort of the Norwegian’s hands on her face.

Ingrid nodded, encouraging the child to continue.

“Why my Papi a rock?”

The Norwegian’s face softened, her heart sinking as she tried to subtly release an exhale that she had been holding in.

Unsure what she was going to say, she opened her mouth. But Isabel was too quick, raising her voice another time.

“Why Mami sad at rock?”

“Is…”

The child looked up at her, eyes shining with unshed tears, pure innocence reflected in her eyes, her features.

“Isabel. Your Papi, he’s not a rock. Your Papi was a person, a very good person.”

The child frowned, confusion etched deep into her features. Ingrid thought she seemed entirely too concerned for a not quite two year old.

“He died before you were born though, Is. Mami is sad today because she misses him. She misses your Papi.”

She doubted Isabel would even understand what she was trying to say. She didn’t know when children were supposed to understand the concept of death, the concept of life.

Definitely not before the age of two.

So Ingrid decided to try to move away from the topic, her new goal just to bring a smile back onto Isabel’s face. It was the least she could do, really.

“But it’s ok, Is, because you have Mami and you have me and you have Alexia and you have Leila and Patri and Pina! You love all of those people don’t you?”

Isabel nodded easily, a smile creeping onto her face.

“I love them so much. Especially Mami. And you, Ingrid!”

Ingrid chuckled, her laughs a superficial cover of the anxieties and concern she felt. Because Isabel was right here calming down in her arms, but she had no idea of the state of Mapi, she had no idea how long this happiness would last.

“And everyone I just mentioned loves you too. And your Papi, he loves you as well but he loves you from somewhere else. You have people everywhere loving you!”

Ingrid beamed, trying to make the conversation feel more lighthearted. It was a successful attempt, apparently, because Isabel replicated her smile and turned herself around, sitting back down in Ingrid’s lap and leaning into her chest.

“I love you Ingrid.”

The Norwegian could only smile sadly, planting a thoughtful kiss on Isabel’s head.

~~~~~~

Mapi’s head was a mess, Alexia had realised. Her emotions all over the place, her priorities set in a weird and confusing line.

The tears had eventually ran out and she was clearly exhausted, her head in Alexia’s lap as the blonde spoke softly. The familiar Spanish was a comfort to Mapi’s ears, the words meaningful, flooded with emotion.

“You need to worry about what is important right now,” Alexia had murmured, her hands combing through Mapi’s hair. It was reminiscent of how the centre back calmed her own daughter, soft hands and quiet words.

It was reminiscent of how Mapi’s own mother used to soothe her, nostalgic and comforting.

“Luis is important, of course he is. But he’s gone, Maria. If you’re going to worry about anything it has to be yourself, it has to be Isabel. You have to think about Ingrid, how to prioritise your relationship on top of everything else.”

Alexia shook her head at that, sighing almost silently.

“Ingrid will try not to let you focus on her, but you have to try. You have to show her how much you love her like I know you do. That she’s your person.”

Mapi looked up at Alexia, her forehead wrinkling as she frowned.

“She… she doesn’t know that?”

“She does know that, of course she does. But sometimes you need to put her first. Sometimes she needs you the most. Sometimes, she needs you more than Isabel does. She wants to know all of you, Mapi, even this part. She wants to understand your grief, to know what to do when you are having a hard time. She wants me to look after Isabel while she comforts you because she loves you. You are her person, just like she is yours.”

Mapi frowned again, swallowing back the tears that threatened to fill up her eyes. Because Ingrid was everything to her, of course she was. She was the person that Mapi loved more than anyone, the first person she had ever really and truly fallen in love with. But Alexia was right. More often than not, her attention was pulled away from Ingrid, Isabel making an appearance. Maybe she was hungry, thirsty, tired. She could have been bored or overexcited or maybe she just couldn’t sleep.

Because Isabel was her baby girl, her last connection to Luis; her last connection to her person before Ingrid.

It was somewhat painful for Mapi to consider how these small things would have hurt the Norwegian, how they would have all built up over time, building Ingrid’s thick skin, the impenetrable strength and sometimes superficial happiness that the Spaniard wished to break down.

“What do I do, Ale?”

Her voice broke and Alexia pulled her upwards, straight into a hug.

“You talk to her.”

Mapi nodded, falling back down to her lying position on the sofa, the exhaustion of the day overcoming her despite it only being 12pm.

Alexia could tell the exact moment she fell asleep, her breathing evening out and her body finally relaxing.

The midfielder had expected something like this to happen today. She knew that Luis’ death was a date engraved in her friend’s mind, one that could never pass without any upset, any thought.

It was only the second anniversary so of course it would bring up all of the emotions that were left and ignored two years ago, Mapi’s grief pushed away by the little baby Isabel. The same thing had happened a year ago and the midfielder knew it would happen again in another year.

Only she hoped she wouldn’t be needed in a years time, similar to how she had hoped that she wasn’t required this year.

She had been somewhat surprised and just a little bit disappointed when she received Ingrid’s text, having hoped that Mapi finally would have spoken to her girlfriend about it, that Ingrid would have expected it and known exactly what she needed to do. It was abundantly clear, however, that it was not the case.

Ingrid’s terrified and bewildered facial expression was one piece of evidence, but so was Mapi’s silence, her heavy breathing and her complete refusal to speak while the Norwegian was in the room.

She was disappointed, really. She felt guilt overcome her as she watched Ingrid slip out of the room, a look of pure defeat written all over her face as she accepted that there was nothing she could do to help Mapi.

Mapi who was an emotional wreck, who needed support and who just needed to let everything out for once.

Mapi, who needed her girlfriend’s comfort but didn’t know how to ask for it, couldn’t bring herself to ask for it.

Alexia knew that the Norwegian would have given it to her without a second thought.

It was all she could think about as Ingrid walked back through the door, Isabel’s hand tight in hers as her eyes scanned the room and landed on the sleeping Mapi in Alexia’s lap.

Isabel inspected her quietly, satisfied with her sleeping body on the sofa. She was with Alexia and Alexia made people happy. She was sure Mapi would be happy now, so she scampered out of the lounge and into the laundry where she knew Bagheera would be waiting.

Ingrid was less convinced, sitting beside Alexia with concern written all over her face.

“She’ll be alright.” Alexia whispered her words softly, an attempt to make the Norwegian feel better. She didn’t expect Ingrid’s eyes to fill up with tears, her head falling into her hands.

“Why doesn’t she talk to me about any of this?”

Her voice sounded defeated, frustrated. Her watery eyes looked back up towards Alexia and the midfielder could easily see the anguish in her eyes.

“She’s bad at talking about it, embarrassed by it. She doesn’t like to feel all these emotions so she just pushes them away. But they come back every now and again and she has no idea how to deal with it. I try telling her that it’s normal, she shouldn’t feel embarrassed but she doesn’t listen. It makes her feel weak, she said. You saw her earlier too, she just shuts down. I think it’s because she just doesn’t know what else she can do so she turns into a robot of sorts, on autopilot to get things done. And then someone will come and see straight through her and it’s like she breaks.”

Alexia’s eyes were watering, her hand coming to rest on Mapi’s head.

“But she loves you so much, Ingrid. More than I’ve ever seen her love anyone before. I know she wants to talk to you about all this, she wishes she could just let it all out. We’ve discussed it before, what she could say, how she could say it. She’ll call me the next day and say she chickened out, she couldn’t bring herself to go through it all. It’s mentally exhausting, I think. She used to be so confident in herself, she didn’t care about anything but her happiness and the happiness of the people around her. She was the person who would cheer everyone else up, make us smile and laugh. She’s still that person, that’s the one that we see everyday. But she never learnt how to grieve or how to let other people cheer her up and this is what happened because of it.”

Ingrid was quiet for a few moments, her eyes focussed on Mapi’s sleeping figure. She looked so peaceful, her golden brown hair falling over her face, completely covering her tear stained cheeks and puffy eyes.

“Why didn’t you help her?”

She knew it wasn’t Alexia’s fault; she knew that the midfielder beside her would have done whatever she thought was right. But part of the Norwegian thought that if she had learned what to do with her emotions two years ago when Luis died, everything would be easier now. Everything would be easier for everyone.

“She just wouldn’t let us. I regret it every day, Ingrid. ”

~~~~~~

It wasn’t long before Alexia left, leaving Ingrid with a sleeping Mapi and taking the almost two year old back to her house with her.

They didn’t want Isabel to be able to understand what was going on, they didn’t want her to feel those sad emotions when she was entirely incapable of understanding why she suddenly felt so sad.

So it was Ingrid’s face that Mapi woke up to, the familiar green piercing straight through her, a sad expression all over her face.

“Ingrid.”

Her voice was hoarse, her words scratchy and her eyes swollen. It had been a difficult few hours and she felt entirely incapable of having the conversation that she knew Ingrid wanted to have.

“I don’t know how… how do I even start?”

But it seemed she was wrong as Ingrid shook her head, her arms wrapping the Spaniard up in a tight hug as she sat up from her horizontal position.

“No, you don’t need to. Not right now. You’re exhausted, physically and emotionally and I don’t want to talk now. I want you to be ok, I want to make you feel ok.”

Mapi didn’t know it, but the Norwegian’s words were exactly what she needed. Ingrid was exactly what she needed.

Her emotional perception, the unique ability she had to be so aware of how everyone felt at any given time. It was one of her qualities that Mapi loved the most, one of the things that was so intriguing, so alluring about the defender.

“What can I do to make you feel ok?”

Mapi smiled weakly, trying to bite back the tears that threatened to spill down her cheeks. It wasn’t just sadness this time, but gratitude, love. Because Ingrid was perfect even when the centre back knew she had been the opposite of that. And despite all of Mapi’s own personal flaws, Ingrid still loved her.

And if everything else fell apart, Mapi knew that her love would be more than enough.

“You being here makes me feel ok.”

Ingrid smiled into the embrace, only releasing the hug when Mapi’s grip on her loosened.

“Isabel is at Alexia’s and she will be there all night. She shouldn’t be in this environment when you are so upset, not when she’s so young. So it’s just you and me, whatever you want to do.”

Mapi nodded easily, somewhat relieved that her daughter was away from all this.

“Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me.”

The evening was a slow one, relaxed and quiet in the calm apartment. They weaved around each other in the kitchen as they cooked with a practised ease, dinner cooked and plated up seamlessly.

Conversation as they ate was minimal, the Spaniard clearly distracted and the Norwegian happy to focus on her own food.

“I… I need to talk to you, Ingrid. Not right now, but soon. Maybe tomorrow. I just don’t know how to say what I want to say in a way that makes sense. It’s… hard for me, hard to talk about… it.”

The Norwegian’s attention was captured at the sound of Mapi’s voice, instantly nodding with a comforting smile on her face.

“I know it’s hard. I don’t want you to feel any pressure to tell me anything.”

But the Spaniard disagreed, shaking her head quickly.

“It’s not pressure, I want you to know everything.”

Ingrid’s forehead creased, her eyebrows drawing together as she frowned.

“But why? Why do you want to go through it all again with yet another person if you don’t have to?”

It was Mapi’s turn to frown, her head shaking as she let out a quiet exhale.

“I haven’t ever gone through everything with anyone. Alexia knows a lot, sure. I know she’s told you what she knows. I want you to know everything. Because I love you more than anything and for you to love me like that you have to know everything, you have to see all my faults, everything that I’m ashamed of.”

Ingrid stopped the tears from forming before they had a chance to materialise in her eyes, but Mapi could tell she was stopping herself from crying by the way her eyes blinked away the invisible tears.

“What’s wrong?”

Her voice was incredibly soft, her Spanish lilt calming, comforting.

“I don’t think there’s anything you could say that would change the way I love you. I couldn’t love you any more than I do and there’s nothing that will ever make me love you any less. I wish you would understand that sadness and grief isn’t a weakness or a fault, it’s not something to be ashamed of. It’s natural yet it takes a completely different path in every single person. You’re not different, Maria. You’re not weak. The opposite of weak, really. I love you for who you are, because you are funny, you’re kind, you’re caring. You look after people and you’re an incredible mother. I love you because you are strong, one of the strongest people I have ever met. The love I have for you is not… despite anything, there’s nothing that I would change because you’re perfect. So sure, tell me everything because I will listen but it will not change a single thing. Don’t tell me that I can’t love you before I know because I do, so much.”

“Thank you.” Mapi sniffled, her voice thready as she nodded at Ingrid, her eyes dropping back down to her plate in front of her.

It was exactly what she needed to hear.

~~~~~~

“Mami!”

Despite Ingrid’s protests in the kitchen, Isabel bounded into their bedroom, bouncing up onto the bed right beside a sleeping Mapi.

“Isabel! I said not to wake her up!”

Ingrid frowned from her spot at the bedroom door, her forehead creasing further at Isabel’s defiant expression. The toddler turned back towards Mapi, shaking her shoulder rapidly.

“Mami! Mami!”

Ingrid rolled her eyes, releasing a loud sigh and shaking her head as the Spaniard rolled over, groaning as she opened her eyes.

The past few days had been rough and Ingrid was sure Mapi hadn’t gotten more than three hours of sleep each day. The Norwegian was awoken constantly by the sound of her cries or her restless movements in the bed, but had stopped asking if she was ok after seeing the guilt on Mapi’s face at waking her up.

It was an obvious question anyway, Mapi clearly was not ok.

She had been distant, often unfocused. The Norwegian had to take over the parenting ropes and she hadn’t left the Spaniard’s apartment, helping with cooking and cleaning and the other mundane housework that Mapi just didn’t have the energy to do.

She would say a few words over meals, and quiet murmurs of gratitude throughout the day. Ingrid didn’t know how rapidly her notes app was filling up, full of dot points about how and what she would say to Ingrid. When she could bring up that conversation that she was so desperate yet so hesitant to have.

“Morning Is.” The Spaniard rolled over, opening her arms up for the toddler as she fell into them, snuggling easily into her mother.

“Mornin’ Mami!”

Mapi smiled, looking over at Ingrid in the doorway and motioning for her to come and join them on the bed. Naturally, the Norwegian moved towards them, sitting up beside Mapi and resting her head on the centre back’s shoulder.

“We were awake very early this morning, weren’t we Is?’

She rolled her eyes as the child nodded and Mapi bit back a laugh, squeezing Isabel softly.

“You should have woken me.” Mapi smiled, planting a kiss on the side of Ingrid’s head, ignoring her scoff.

“Ingrid said don’t wake you up, Mami!” Isabel interjected again, looking up at her mother. “But I missed you!”

Mapi could only chuckle, planting a kiss on her child’s head. “I missed you too, my Is!”

It was a slow day, but one full of quiet laughter and happiness. The small family of three spent the late morning hours in bed, before getting up and heading down to the park and tiring the toddler out. She was exhausted by the time they got back, passing out on the sofa as Ingrid took off her shoes and Mapi scrubbed the mud out of her jacket.

The girl had been put to bed by the time Mapi had returned from the laundry, Ingrid sat on the sofa with the remote in her hand.

“What do you want to watch?”

She had heard Mapi walking towards the lounge room, apparently. The Spaniard didn’t enter immediately, instead steadying herself on the doorframe and taking a deep breath.

The time had come, she realised. She couldn’t justify pushing this conversation away any longer, pretending that she wasn’t thinking about it when truthfully it was at the top of her mind at all times.

She knew it wasn’t an easy conversation to have and she knew that it was going to be hard to bring it up. But that difficulty won’t ever go away, no matter how long she leaves it. If anything it will get harder over time because time gives her fears and anxieties an opportunity to grow, an opportunity to overcome her.

And she was completely adamant that that would not happen. She would not be overcome by those terrors ever again.

She realised she had paused in the doorway for too long when Ingrid turned around, a small frown settling on her face.

“Are you ok?”

Mapi nodded, forcing a stressed smile onto her face and finally taking those steps inside, sitting herself on the sofa beside Ingrid and taking the remote from her hands.

“Yes. No, but.. Yeah.”

“Talk to me.”

And she did. She started at the beginning, all the way back when she was a small child and meeting Luis for the first time. She told Ingrid how they had been glued to each other’s sides forever, how they grew up and nothing ever changed. How grateful she was when Luis followed her to Barcelona, moving into his own apartment just a five minute walk away.

The Spaniard reminisced on times where they would eat dinner on the floor of his unfinished apartment, takeaway boxes empty but the room still full of happiness and laughter. She showed Ingrid her tattoo, the little girl and boy on the playground that she had gotten to match with Luis.

It was his first and only tattoo and he had only trusted Mapi to give it to him. She knew she had to get one the same and it was something they had treasured. A secret of sorts, a little thing that almost nobody knew about.

The centre back explained how he had always been a paternal person, all the way back when they were those little kids on the playground. He would look out for everyone, act all big and strong to protect his friends even when he felt equally as terrified. He was the person that everyone went to as they got a bit older, his emotional nature and calm demeanour always popular among their peers.

She told Ingrid that she always felt so lucky that even though he was so popular, she was still his best friend. She was always his number one and that only ever changed when Isabel came along.

Isabel who was just as lovely as her boyfriend, another person that Mapi learned to love.

Another person who proved time and time again that she was a mother.

So she lamented on the heartbreak that the young couple experienced when they realised they couldn’t have a child, that parenthood seemed almost impossible.

She explained her entire thought process to the Norwegian, how she debated with herself whether it was worth it to miss so much football during what could have been her peak years. Whether she would ever feel comfortable around a child that was half of her DNA, a child that she carried for nine months but technically didn’t belong to her.

But Luis’ happiness was always the most important thing and when he rang her up for the 10th night in a row in tears, her decision was made for her.

She told Ingrid how long it took to convince the couple to let her carry their child, having to go through the same arguments that she had with herself only weeks earlier, having to come up with rebuttals to their incredibly valid points.

But it had only taken an emotional monologue from the Spaniard to convince them, all three of them sat in tears as they finally agreed to it.

She talked her through the IVF process, every high and every low that she experienced. How easy the pregnancy was at the beginning, the only symptom her small bump and minor cravings.

But she had Luis and she had Isabel at that point, both of them so incredibly grateful that they practically waited on the centre back’s hand and foot. It annoyed her, really, so she had kicked them out of her apartment, told them to only come over if she called them.

For the most part, they respected that, only visiting once a week unless Mapi called them for the company.

She admitted how much she regretted that deal, how she wished that she made them sit with her all day every day.

Maybe then they wouldn’t have been in the car that day, maybe they would have been safe and sound in Mapi’s apartment.

She couldn’t have known that their trip to Madrid would be fatal, there was no way of being able to foresee that and to stop them from going.

Tears started to slip down her cheeks as she recalled what they told her over the phone, how both Isabel and Luis had been killed on impact. A drunk driver, it was, a drunk driver who was miraculously left unscathed.

She talked Ingrid through her thoughts that followed the phone call, after she had sobbed and screamed. Once the tears had finally ceased and an unsettling silence fell upon her apartment.

She felt lost, she felt alone. She wanted to call Luis because he was the person that made her feel better in these times, he was her company when it felt like her entire world was falling apart.

But of course she couldn’t call Luis. She should have called someone else, her mother, her brother. Alexia, even. But that would be replacing her best friend, something she couldn’t bring herself to do. Not so soon after he had died. Not when the wound was so fresh, not before she even got the chance to process it.

She admitted to her girlfriend that she still hadn’t really processed it, that it was still a work in progress. His death was one she would never understand, she didn’t think she ever would fully process the idea that he was gone.

Ingrid let tears spill from her eyes as Mapi remembered how lonely she was for the next few weeks, how she realised that now she had this child that she was just supposed to be able to raise. How she felt entirely unprepared, unfit to be a mother, unequipped to be able to raise a child to a standard that Luis would be happy with.

How she doubted herself even before Isabel was born.

When she gave birth it got so much harder, everything seemed so impossible and she couldn’t think about anything else other than that little life in her arms.

She had fallen in love with the baby immediately, guilt overcoming her at her selfish gratitude that Isabel was a living reminder of Luis, she was someone that Mapi would always have. A living being that literally carried her father around with her.

She told Ingrid how she saw his eyes as soon as they opened, the tape over her shattered heart doing little to protect it when it was forcefully thrown back on the ground at the reminder of everything she had lost.

But as she spent more and more time with Isabel, as she watched the little girl grow up she could feel her heart building itself back together, little pieces at a time supergluing themselves together, creating an indestructible structure.

Isabel had been the reason her heart was being fixed, the reason that she felt like she could finally breathe again, finally reunited with the organ that pumped the blood around her body, the organ that made her feel alive.

She smiled through the tears as she recalled how alive she felt when Isabel took her first steps, when her first words tumbled right out of her mouth. As the child laughed, as she played with the cat. As she grew up into a child, something for Mapi to love, to be so incredibly proud of.

Because Luis was gone and that was something that Mapi would never be ok with.

But he left her the greatest gift of all time, like he knew that his best friend wouldn’t be ok without him.

And similar to everything else he had done for Mapi through their lives, this gift, his daughter, had made sure that the blood never stopped pumping, that every single fragment of her shattered heart was still there, ready and waiting for its turn to be glued back into place.

Isabel had done a good job of orchestrating the reconstruction, even if she had no idea what she was doing.

“But then you came along, Ingrid, and you fixed my heart too.”

~~~~~~

alright this was very long

i've proofread a couple times and kinda hate this but it's as good as it will get :)

please let me know what you think! send me anything else you would like to see as well.

and i apologise for this taking so long, i have been very busy with uni (as usual) but on top of that i had surgery on my knee almost a week ago so am very tired and in a fair amount of pain at the minute

have a good day

#mapi leon #ingrid engen #woso fanfics #woso #barca femeni #mapi leon x ingrid engen #woso x reader #woso imagine #woso one shot #fcb femeni #alexia putellas

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skyrigel · 6 months ago

Note

I’m so glad you take requests for Anthony bridgerton. I’ve been in the mood to read angst with happy endings for so looong😫 so could I request Anthony bridgerton x wife angst where they have an argument/fight because he is stressed so he takes his anger out on her so she ends up giving him the silent treatment while he basically begs for her forgiveness

Say nothing then || A.B

Pairing: Anthony bridgerton x wife!reader

Warning: hurt/angst, superstitious thoughts, Anthony doesn't think he could outlive his father. ( Happy ending and little comfort, i promise.)

Rigel's note 🪩 : Thankyou so much for requesting, absolutely heart breaking to write this one, I took inspo from book, Anthony denying love because he saw his mother going in depression when his father died and taylor swift's lyric I said, "I love you" (I said, "I love you") You say nothin' back . I hope i did justice with this one sweetheart <3

That's the way you loved Anthony, truly and completely and sometimes it was so hard to keep it in, it slipped through your lips everytime you kissed him. Pressing down in his skin and tickling his heart that was yours.

It gazed at him, dusk or dawn, ever so lovely, it scribbled down in your ink, leaving your love trailing down behind him.

When Anthony told you he would give you anything, you believed him, when he said he just wouldn't love you, you didn't.

That's not how it goes, perhaps you were naive and blinded but that, it was love that glinted in his eyes everytime he looked at you. When he would smile and reveal the book you yearned to read, hidden behind his back. When he danced more than any husband did with his wife so you didn't believe when Anthony said he wouldn't love you, that was only a matter of time.

However, there's difference between wouldn't and couldn't, Anthony was scared to love, for he knew it's a force and he would be damned if you were to be left heartbroken just like his mother, he would curse himself if he didn't wake when you would call out for him when he was dea Because Anthony was sure, he bloody knew he wouldn't be able to live past his father and in no universe he would want to see you begging, crying and slowly drifting away. Lost and sad, no.

So he wouldn't love you and he would save you from the greater grief, of getting left behind while the other is gone.

But love became too much sometimes, held too much of your heart and body and soul that it demanded to fly and then one such night, all the chains tattered and it was bleeding raw and fresh—

" I love you." You said, like you did every passing moment but oops you had said it now, in words and sound as Anthony kissed the back of your ear, it was the first time the words ever experienced by the nature, no doubt you had said it with every kiss, every touch, every gesture but this was new.

Anthony freezed above you, hands dropping whatever mischief they had in tow.

He pulled away from you in a blink of your eye and it took you a moment to realise what went wrong.

" Anthony ? Are you..you are okay honey ? " You whsipered, he didn't look at you, staring at his hands as he could see a story you couldn't.

" I.. Anthony ? " You said again because it scared you, Anthony wasn't the one to look away, all the things that scared you was nothing against the terror, the sinking gut wrenching feeling you felt when Anthony fliched at your touch and you shivered in ache. No, don't leave me. Please, please.

It was another pain to see Anthony like a stranger, like he didn't know you. He would, he promised he would know you anywhere but this, it was threatening.

" What did you say ? " You almost thought it was the voices in your head, the agony that coated the words could never be from him.

Never to you, he was drifting away with each heavy moment and the person who was at the edge of your bed, in your shared chamber, smelling like you, wasn't the person you knew.

" Anthony—" you tried, you couldn't help the choking of your throat as those eyes were fuming in rage, maybe there was love, hiding somewhere but you couldn't find it and it broke your heart. Anthony couldn't be right.

" You don't mean that ! " He was screaming, his whole body shaking as his fist slammed the mattress in fit of rage.

A strangled hiccup escaped your throat when Anthony gripped your shoulder, hard but not bruising, like he wanted to shake you out of this feeling. He couldn't.

" You don't understand, love, love, love—" he almost cried, his nose reddening, his whole face was burning.

" —its stupid ! Means nothing, does nothing, it takes away everything..." His voice tore down deep inside you, like breaking membranes and dropping vases, it could never be the same.

" You don't understand... don't say it ! You stupid woman ! " He bellowed when you worked your jaw to say something, Don't say it, I love you—

I love you, please, please, let me love you—

But just as he said it, it wasn't Anthony, it was like your mama reminding you how stupid you were, stupid, stupid girl, she would say.

Stupid woman, he had said and everything else was slowly fading, it was starting to slow down, like watching it from away, in different bodies, like you were the doorknob or the painting on the wall because you were crumbling under his touch.

Anthony mere few inches away and you wondered what he would do if you kissed him just then, would he stop this torment?

Would he pull away, back then he didn't when they were your silent ' I love you's ' instead he drank them in, tasted your love raw and wild and now refused them in sound and wave.

" What should I say Anthony ? " You were sure they never made it out, lost somewhere in void, perhaps still coiling around your cartilage but the shocked silence that echoed between the little space between you reminded you how words crawled out after all. Even those meant to be quiet. I love you.

" Say nothing then." His voice is so small that barely register and before you could, he's inhaling large gulps of air, drifting back and back and his eyes not quite meeting yours until he turned his back to you.

He was gone for the night.

Say nothing then.

He wasn't there for the breakfast.

Say nothing then.

He wasn't there the next day.

Say nothing then.

And the day next, and one that followed—

Until you reasiled you haven't said anything in days, it wasn't so bad afterall, it was, very, very bad and lonely but it was okay, as long as Anthony would come back, it should be.

It was very quiet when Anthony stumbled back, his steps shaking and vision dizzy.

He was terribly pissed. You turned the page you only half read and focused hard on the words, Anthony stripped his clothes as he climbed the bed next to you, in an attempt to kiss your forehead like he did every night.

He wasn't there to do it for days and you didn't sleep, it could surely go on, you pulled away.

Something hurt flashed through his eyes and he looked down at the sheets, chest heaving with untaken breaths.

" Good night Viscountess." He whsipered softly and You said nothing back.

Say nothing then.

You weren't sure how you did it but you managed to untangle yourself from Anthony by dawn, you slept for the first time in days and it was over with a series of dreams, each ended with you saying I love you and Anthony saying nothing back.

Silence was louder than words, it was also harsher than words.

Watching Anthony sleep was like playing we're good with him , you weren't sure if you could cry anymore than you had already.

It felt like nothing happened and it could go back to be like before, you could press your love to his skin and it wouldn't burn and leave scars.

But you didn't want that, that was something it had became unbearable, when love bled through you, it was unstoppable and you realised how you will love him enough to make it up for both of you but he wouldn't let you. He wouldn't love you either.

The hurt was visible when his hand trembled, he tried hard to catch your eye, you focused at the honey, so sweet. Anthony didn't know but it hurt you all the same. How much burden you felt in your bones when you couldn't tell him all the things you woke up with, to tell him about your dreams — nightmares now, to tell him that you hate him so much, to kiss him until he couldn't breathe and tear everything wrenched out of him, but you couldn't.

All the more heartache when Anthony brought out the third part of your beloved novel and when the smile never came on your lips, only tears that blurred your gaze so much that you turned away from him, Anthony was shattered.

It was the second day, you hadn't said anything at all, inside screaming didn't count as one. You watched ahead as the far, far away trace of green rolling grass from your balcony. It occurred to you how horizon was made, where earth met the sky and here you were, with souls of something same, whatever they were made of, and yet you and Anthony couldn't mingle.

" Isn't it beautiful ? " He looked at you like you would answer him, he hoped too much.

Say nothing then—

" Huh.." he tried to smile, it was so small.

You stared ahead because looking at Anthony only added salt to your wound, it was aggravating.

It was after some slipped moments when he spoke in a strained small voice, hurt and broken and it shivered you.

" I was so scared...still am," he said and his voice broke, a muffled cry escaped him and you looked at him, really. You wanted to wrap your arms around him and shush away every cry, every pain, every sadness.

Say nothing—

" I thought...I thought i could just keep it away, keep you safe..from me, from love—" and he was crying, not sobbing, not whimpering but crying as big warm tears steamed down his face and he dropped to his knees in front of you, hands reaching for you like moth reaching flame and you took him, held him.

Say—

" I..I..I thought.. could—" he sniffed," couldn't, i can't pretend anymore, I don't want to leave you in pain... don't want to leave you in hurt... can't can't can't keep it in." He cried more and more and more matter how much you wiped his tears, but more fell and it was then you realised, they were yours. You were crying too.

" I am sorry, I am so, so sorry for ever hurting your my sweet love—" he swallowed hard.

" Anthony.. it's okay.. it's alright." You assured him, maybe you and him could go with your love only pressed between silence and gestures and eyes and it would be enough.

But you couldn't watch him break, wouldn't and couldn't.

" I love you." He said, voice not shaking, eyes sincere behind the gleaming tears, " I love you, always had, always would." He brought your knuckles to kiss, love pressing down in your skin. It was golden in the last rays of sun.

" Anthony you don't have to say it." You understood, atleast you did. He shaked his head and smiled through his wet face.

" No, no...let me, " he exclaimed, " I love you my baby, my lady." He smiled and it reached his eyes, you giggled softly when he pressed open mouthed kisses on your hands.

" I love you, I love you and I love you." He said, " I am a fool for ever denying it, I am a fool for you my Viscountess." He inhaled, breathing after a very long time.

" I am sorry, I love you so much baby." His lip trembled and you wanted to steady them so bad.

" I love you too Anthony, truly and completely." You kissed his forehead and he melted in your touch, and you didn't know how much time ticked away with loud and whispered and blessed I love you's and that's the way he loved you, truly and completely.

--------------------------------------------------

Rigel's note 🪩 ( again) : I hope this was good, I am such a angst sucker myself<3 request through my ask box :) and can you reblog ? Please, please.

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