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bookofmirth · 1 year

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At the beginning of acotar, the sisters’ relationship was well established. Feyre wasn’t coming home shocked to find Nesta a changed person, so it’s reasonable to assume that her behavior had been going on for long enough that Feyre knew exactly what to expect. It wasn’t a vendetta against feyre specifically, or anyone specifically. It’s how Nesta handled her feelings, which takes me back to my point that Nesta needed to look inward for healing, not point fingers at other people.

I addressed my comment about atoning in another ask but to clarify further - Nesta has done important, useful, helpful things when the shit hit the fan. There is no disputing that. Just to reiterate, in my opinion, the important thing moving forward is that she doesnt resort to pushing people away again (when we know she doesn’t actually want to do that!)

I don’t understand why people keep saying Nesta is 24. Or calling her a girl. That’s a whole ass adult where I come from. Nesta was around 22-23 when the series started. A lot of these issues began much earlier, when she was a teenager, but… she’s still an adult. I don’t think it does her much credit to infantilize her character in order to excuse her behavior. She can vote, and drink, and rent a car in the US. She could be married for a few years, be a parent a couple times over. (You didn’t call her a girl anon, obviously, I’m just commenting on things I’ve seen in the fandom.)

Re: Elain, that’s the difference I was referring to before. Elain doesn’t look to intentionally hurt people with her words or actions, so I wouldn’t talk about her journey in the same way I would Nesta’s. Elain has some accounting to do, which imo she is. She apologized to Feyre already and acknowledged that they should have done more to help her. Your ask actually made me wonder if that’s why she’s doing what she currently does - cooking and serving food at her home, rather than relying on servants to do it. Helping other people rebuild their gardens after the war. Either way, Elain’s story is not going to be about reconciling with how she has behaved towards other people in the way that Nesta’s was. That’s not to say she’s been perfect, but she didn’t go about trying to hurt people. Her journey is different.

Same anon from before!

I brought up Nesta's age because the way you worded "lifetime of cruelty" made it appear that Nesta hopped out of the womb ready to make people's lives difficult. I just disagreed with the argument that Nesta has led this crusade of cruelty her entire life. And pointed out her age to signify just how short her life has been.

Also, I don't think it's fair to compare a 24-year old in ACOTAR with a 24-year old raised in 2023 USA. Besides not having voting systems, Nesta was raised very differently due to the time period ACOTAR is in. Though she is 100% an adult, she is also a product of her circumstances and environment. It isn't an excuse, but rather an understanding.

I place a lot of the blame on Nesta's mom for the distance between Feyre and Nesta. Since Nesta wasn't receiving any love from her father (who was even written to be afraid of her), it's natural that she gravitated towards her mom and wanted to please her. For reasons, SJM hasn't explained yet, Feyre's mom hated Feyre and Nesta probably distanced herself from her sister so she doesn't get lumped in. Elain was probably the only "safe" sister.

Such ingrained behaviour isn't something that goes away overnight, but I think Nesta had always loved Feyre, she just wasn't used to showing it both out of fear if her mom found out and because of the distance that had already grown so large between them.

Nesta 100% moves through her world with her guards up, and it's a safety mechanism borne from her traumas and environment. But I don't think she resorts to cruelty as a first measure. Like Azriel said, he never picks a fight with her because she treats him the same as others. In that she "unflinchingly assesses" everyone she meets. For threats, weaknesses, strengths, e.t.c.

But considering how easy she befriended Amren, Gwyn, and Emerie, I think her way of interacting is largely attributed to whatever she gleans from people in her assessments. And how she communicates is receptive to those that can handle it. I remember Gwyn being delighted at Nesta saying something along the lines of "oh, your good".

Overall, I'm glad she's healing and making new bonds with people.

As for Elain, I can't remember where in the books she apologizes to Feyre? Unless you mean that she does so by her actions? I'm interested at how SJM plans on writing the dynamic between Elain and Nesta. I liked what you said in your other post, about how Elain has always put Nesta in a position to fight while she retreats to the background. I wonder if that would get fleshed out more.

Hello again!

(To clarify for everyone else, the first part of this up to "her journey is different" is my words that anon is responding to.)

I think if we were to try to compare cultures and technologies and society and such between our world and Prythian, it wouldn't come out in favor of Nesta being young/not mature. The world building in acotar is meh at best, but given the fact that they have arranged marriages and lords and such, if we were to try to put a timeline on entering adulthood in that world, it would be earlier than our own. That's impossible to quantify imo, mainly because the worldbuilding isn't really clear, I just wanted to point that out. Nesta is absolutely an adult, and she has been an adult since acotar began. She was engaged to be married in acotar, when she was 22(ish). But either way, saying she's young doesn't matter to me because age has no bearing on extending people basic respect and courtesy.

I think you have a point about Nesta and her mom! In acosf Nesta thinks every now and then about the things that her mom said to her, and things she said about Feyre and Elain. It seems like she wanted to shape them all into certain types of people who would further their ambitions as a family, and never took into account who any of the sisters are. They were all treated with the same sort of pragmatic eye, considering how they were useful, rather than what would make them happy. And by all accounts, their father was too busy making (and losing) fortunes to do anything about it, if he noticed. I assume we will hear more about her when it comes time for Elain's story, and I think that will be included in Nesta and Elain's reconciliation.

And how she communicates is receptive to those that can handle it.

I get what you're saying here because Gwyn, Emerie, and Amren definitely approach Nesta differently than some other characters. I don't think there is anything wrong with people saying "no thanks" when encountering her behavior, though. Perhaps that's not something we need to disagree about! Because perhaps Nesta is just not meant for everyone. She notes that she doesn't have the easy way of socializing with and smiling at people as Mor (I can't remember the exact quote) and I think there's nothing wrong with that. I just don't think it makes a lot of sense to say that one way of being is more or less right (when comparing the way that Nesta and Mor interact with other characters) when it's just part of who they are.

Re: Elain, I can't remember if she said the word sorry, but I know that she says that she and Nesta should have done more when they were at the cabin. I do think that her actions are a reflection of that as well. She's a high lady's sister, she could sit on her ass all day the way she used to, but she's not. She's out helping people and doing housework that she never would have done in acotar.

My hot take about Elain is that while she is genuinely kind, sometimes that kindness is a shield to keep people from looking too close or asking too much of her, and now it's biting her in the ass because no one is looking or allowing her to do much of anything.

#ask #anon #acotar

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digitalarchivesposts · 2 years

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12/27/2022 8:29 am

Today I learned a lot. I been listening to podcast about therapy. I haven’t been to one yet but I’m trying to learn. I learned that my anger or what I thought was anger was actually rage. Which is why it seemed so uncontrollable. They said rage was like a swirling vortex and it finally clicked and made sense why I couldn’t control what I said. This doesn’t excuse my actions or what I said but I wish I would have known this earlier to heal earlier so I wouldn’t have put her through this pain. I also learned that I have what they call an avoidance attachment issue. While she had an anxious attachment issue. Which explains a lot. I always put emotions to the side and pushed them away while she trying to be more there for me. That’s where the disconnect happened. While I was pushing her away she was drawing herself closer. I learned that this isn’t healthy and that it comes from a lot of childhood trauma. With my parents barely in the picture I lost hope in the fact that people can stay in your life and clinged to it. The fact that she stayed in my life for so long is a representation of it. Man that was the hardest thing I had to hear. We never done interdependence together so what did I expect to change? She constantly asked for it and I pushed it away. I never faced my fears and maybe that’s why we never worked on it. I was so scared I would be abandoned again I didn’t put enough effort into the relationship. If I say one thing I’m sorry for putting you through those things you showed you wouldn’t abandon me but in my head I told myself you always would. I love you and I hope you find a secure person that could do that for you. I never let her heal my attachment issues. Which she tried so hard to do.

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glo-up-goddess · 4 years

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Okay! So to all my queers and gays who were deeply disappointed with The Happiest Season, I’d like to share with you all something I just sent a friend who asked me about what my fantasy re-write of the movie would be. Now...be gentle with me, I have NEVER even ATTEMPTED anything close to screen writing ever before, but I tried, and I liked it and I wanted to share? So....here goes nothing:

Okay, my rewrite ending is that Jon takes Abby home and stays with her for the night. The gas station scene with Harper showing up does NOT happen. They have another talk about how just because Harper isn't ready to come out doesn't speak to her love for Abby but it also doesn't excuse her actions...to try to cheer Abby up/distract her, he admits to killing the fish. Abby laughs and as she is drifting off to sleep, Riley messages her just to check in and let her know she's here for her cause solidarity ✊🏽. The next day, Harper shows up and John is super protective but Abby gives him the okay that she at least wants to hear Harper out, they have a conversation in John's kitchen that goes something along the lines of: (don't laugh at me I've never tried screen writing!!)

Harper hesitantly approaches Abby and stops short at the kitchen counter, eyes glossy with tears and lower lip trembling.

There is an awkward silence.

Harper: I....was awful to you.

Abby: *wraps her arms around herself* I think we've pretty much established that somewhere between breaking up and you screaming at your parents that you aren't gay right in front of me and about 100 other people...*she looks away, trying to keep the tears trekking down her face hidden*

Harper: *Takes a step closer* I know...I know, and I'm so sorry *she takes a shuddering breath* but I also know that "I'm sorry" isn't good enough but I, at the very least, needed you to know that I own up to how absolutely shitty I was being. I put you back in the closet, I lied to you, I gaslit you, I didn't defend you, I hurt you in a really vicious and vulnerable way all because I was too afraid to even admit how terrified I was and that wasn't fair to you, to the life we built together, to the love that we h- the love that we *she swallows, hard, forcing out the word* the love we had

Abby: *she wipes at her face which is red and splotchy from her tears and a sudden rush of anger* you're right, sorry isn't good enough, Harper how can I...I was gonna...*she sighs, digging into her pocket and sets the engagement ring on the counter, it clatters a tiny bit as she sets it down*

Harper stares at the ring in a stunned silence, her jaw dropping, fresh tears coming in earnest.

Harper: that's why you were so excited to c-

Abby: *cutting her off* yeah, I was going to ask your dad for his permission, big traditional gay Christmas, and instead I got shoved aside for Connor, accused of being a thief, told that I was suffocating, and pretty much denounced in front of your entire family

From that point, Harper gives her speech that she gave in the gas station scene but instead of immediately taking Harper back, she thanks her but tells her she needs time.

Montoge of them both spending Christmas separately. Harper sits with Jane and learns about her book, their dad sits with Sloane and learns more about her gift baskets. Riley FaceTimes Abby to wish her a Merry Christmas and eventually comes over hours later and hangs out with her and John, we see Abby and Riley's connection growing.

Finally, the montoge ends and it's now the day before New Year's Eve. Abby is alone in her bedroom staring at pictures on her phone of Harper that eventually fade into lighthearted Christmas selfies of her, John, and Riley, Abby lingers on a picture that's just her and Riley, she smiles the first genuine smile in about a week. She begins to make a phone call but the audience doesn't see who she's calling, we only hear "what are you doing New Years Eve?" To a time lapse scene of her getting ready for the plans she made over the phone. She finally arrives at a local club where she sees Riley and John, she gives them each a hug and Riley gives her a knowing smile and a wink before shoving her over to where Harper is waiting for her, alone and fidgeting.

Abby goes over to her and gives her a small half smile as she plops down into the seat across from her.

Abby: you can be....such an asshole sometimes. Plus you snore, you hog the covers, and your cooking...leaves a lot to be desired

Harper deflates a little, twisting in her chair ever so slightly as if to leave but Abby grabs her hand and laces their fingers together.

Abby: but...you're also brilliant, and you always make my coffee just right, and you sing in the shower when you're happy, and even though I'm not...ready to propose after what happened...I'm not ready to call it quits just yet

The count down to midnight begins

Abby: do you still want to be my girlfriend?

Harper gives a watery chuckle, eyes brimming over with tears, the count down is continuing as she leans over the table and kisses Abby as the clock strikes midnight, the cacphony of the new year muted as they share an intimate kiss inside their soft romantic bubble.

The rest of the movie ends the same with the IG post montoge, Jane's book reading, and the A Wonderful Life movie theatre scene and all that.

#happiest season #kristen stewart #aubrey plaza #dan levy #happiest season ending rewrite #I tried screen writing #please be gentle #I just wanted the happy gay ending we deserved but like also ACCOUNTABILITY #if you liked happiest season as is because of the trauma of coming out for some people that’s valid #but Harper was HORRIBLE to Abby and never really took any accountability for that #your fear and trauma EXPLAINS your actions but it doesn’t excuse it #Abby deserved better and shouldn’t have taken Harper back so readily #we deserved more from this movie #and we shouldn’t have to accept scraps of representation in 20fucking20 #q word tw #q word #q word cw

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greatearthquakestudent · 2 years

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Hargreeves deserve better ranked.

Doesn’t deserves better: Allison

Allison had been through quite a lot in her life. Growing up in an abusive household, Losing custody of Claire, Losing her voice, civil rights movement, and losing Ray and Claire. There are two problems with this. One, her childhood didn’t affect her like that others did. She may have some trauma, but she became manipulator (rumoring Claire and potentially Patrick too), who always gets what she wants and she only considered the consequences when she’s been caught. Two, she uses her grief and 1960s trauma as an excuse to SA Luther and kill Viktor’s child figure.

Moderately deserves better: Luther and Diego

These are lower because others lives are more horrible than their’s.

Until, Diego’s past is explained more. I can’t say why he deserves better.

And Poor Luther, idk if this is right but, he basically was groomed to be the golden boy of their family and to always follow their dad led to the point where he really suffered.

Deserve the best: Klaus and Five

Klaus and Five could be higher due how much they went through and how they suffer but the effects of the ladder two are bigger. Also arguably for deserve to shit for the last two.

Klaus was locked in a box full of horrors that no child should see. And he became a drug addict to stop the horrors he saw. Honestly drugs are better than his own siblings to due how they relieve of the fear more than the siblings ever did.

Five made a mistake and he suffered for so many decades and he had to do actions that would goes against morality. All just to save a pack of moronic and selfish losers he calls his family. And they couldn’t give much of a damn about him for trying to make sure they don’t die.

Deserve the a better lives: Viktor and Ben

I know Ben and Viktor are flawed individuals who made mistakes but really the other siblings are kinda the reasons why these two are “shitty people”

I know Viktor is dangerous, and there’s probably isn’t a way to work around not causing the end of the world sooner. But they could’ve try to be better to him when they’re adults like don’t be rude when he trying to support you for your shitty actions or lock him in a cell from his childhood. In season 3, they can blame him all they want for the doomsdays but they should also hold themselves accountable as well.

Ben got his life ruined by his god awful siblings twice maybe a third time too if you consider the season 3 events as one. I know Ben isn’t a saint, but he tries to be a good person and they took advantage of his love and kindness for their dirty work. And that could’ve gotten him killed. What do they expect from Ben now due to how much they disappointed daddy-dearest in the past. This left Reggie to give the sparrows, especially Ben a more shitty upbringing. And now they’re complaining how much Ben sucks? This is worst than Allison thinking Claire would exist in the sparrow timeline.

#alison hargreeves #diego hargreeves #luther hargreeves #klaus hargreeves #five hargreeves #viktor hargreeves #ben hargreeves #hargreeves siblings #hargreeves family #Umbrella Academy

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mediocreauthor · 3 years

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nana komatsu: how we surpass trauma to survive

tw: rape, sexual assault

I recently wrote the way Hachi didn’t acknowledge or deal with her rape was one of the most realistic portrayals I have ever seen, whether that was Yazawa’s intention or not.

Now you can say how Yazawa portrayed certain issues was wrong and potentially harmful for many young girls who read NANA and saw incredibly damaging behaviors brushed over or not even portrayed as bad. And you would be correct but this post isn’t about NANA’s affect, but rather story itself.

The morning after Hachi’s pregnancy was revealed, which I consider as a turning point of the story, Takumi raped Hachi. I really don’t want to sugar coat or be poetic about this, he raped her. Now, I have been seeing some posts excusing Takumi’s actions therefore I will explain why this is considered as rape.

In chapter 29, we don’t see Hachi explicitly saying no or fighting back, but hesitant and reluctant because Nana is right next door. Takumi first tries to convince her and when Hachi remains hesitant, what does he tell her? “You should worry about making me angry.” I am paraphrasing but the message was this. Hearing this, Hachi gives up and people might think she ‘lets’ Takumi do whatever she wants therefore it’s okay somehow, it’s not.

I read this somewhere and I want all of everyone to read it as well: A ‘yes’ only has value when someone is comfortable enough to say ‘no’. Hachi’s unwilling ‘yes’ means nothing because she was just very openly threatened by Takumi. Hachi, alienated from her friends, knowing Nana sees her as a traitor, Nobu as a cheater, Hachi who had no support for her baby, was given a clear ultimatum by Takumi, the only person she had by her side: if you don’t give me what I want, I will hurt you. You will be left alone. So she does. And then she doesn’t even acknowledge it as rape. She is angry and distraught after but it’s for the strawberry glasses and she just looks slightly annoyed with Takumi. That’s all. Where is that dramatic aftermath we usually see in media, where woman cries, breaks everything within reach then stares blankly at the ceiling?

Because most rape aftermaths don’t look like that. I am BY NO MEANS saying women whose experiences was as I wrote above as invalid. Most rape cases aren’t reported, we know that. But there is also a heartbreaking amount of women who can’t even decide if they have been raped or not. Women, who are haunted by a certain memory but always pushing it to back of their minds. I believe Hachi is one of them. There is a high possibility Hachi was unable to register it as rape but we -readers can observe the effects of it through her behaviour. Hachi is terrified of Takumi. Fans give her so much shit for not contacting Nobu, even Hachi called it out of selfishness and no action is done with one mere emotion, but she also avoided it out of fear of angering Takumi.

Hachi’s fear of him is displayed plain as day during Shin and Reira’s birthday party. Hachi knew she has angered Takumi by staying at the party, she even considers divorcing him and her inner monologue was pretty brave and promising. So what changed when Takumi knocked on Nana’s door? I would like to break down what for me, is one of the most disturbing scenes in NANA.

This scene right here, is a cry for help for someone who can recognize certain patterns in abusive relationships.

Hachi was in a good mood right before this scene, Nana even pointed out she was too cheerful for someone in the brink of a break up. However, at presence of Takumi, she immediately caves and apologizes for doing things without his knowledge while at the same time, still offering a way out. This way out isn’t for Takumi, it’s for her. I am %100 sure if Takumi said ‘okay go live your own then’, even though sad, Hachi’s predominant emotion would be relief.

She is terrified of Takumi. Hachi is unable to escape this unless he gives her an out. She regretted her ‘choice’ of being with Takumi the morning after but she had no one or nowhere to go. Now, you might think ‘she could’ve gone back to her parents!’ or ‘she could’ve lived on her own’ and I want to counter with: abused people’s mind don’t function like that. Even though you are somewhat aware that you are being treated badly, taken advantage of, it’s pushed way back in your mind. Your world consists of only you and your abuser, you can’t think of options simply because you don’t see any.

And your abuser makes you believe what they are doing isn’t a big deal. They treat you with kindness right after abusing you while not acknowledging their behavior to leave you disoriented and unsure about the weight of what you have experienced. What Takumi did to Hachi was exactly that. So what did she do? She surpassed it and moved on.

‘I didn’t allow it for the sake of our future, but because I wanted to escape the terror and anxiety of that moment’ Read this sentence over and over again and process it. If I read one more take about how ‘what Takumi did wasn’t that bad compared to other NANA characters’ I am going to fucking slap them with this panel. Hachi learned that disobeying Takumi is pointless. She allows it even when considering separation, why? She is paralyzed by fear. Because she tried to object Takumi once and learned her lesson. Obedience is so much easier than what you might face with your abuser. You bend and cave, do everything in your power to avoid their wrath. It’s safer. Admitting that you haven’t received the best treatment from someone who is supposed to cherish you is an act strength by itself. I do not blame any victims of abuse who don’t want to admit or process their trauma. It’s hard, it’s terrifying and frustrating. Being able to process your trauma is a luxury most women don’t have. Hachi doesn’t have it with a belly up her nose at the age of 21. She is in a vulnerable position and don’t think even for a second Takumi isn’t aware of it.

Next day, Hachi greets Takumi by the door as usual. Their home life becomes pretty stable since she takes all his micro aggressions, his snarky comments and belittlement with slight annoyance, still with humor. Because the other scenario is losing herself. She surpasses her trauma to maintain her sanity.

Why do I love this?

Because a lot of women do exactly this. A lot of housewives who stick with their husbands despite years of abuse, young girls with their boyfriends do this. Because I read NANA at the age of 14 and didn’t even understand what Hachi went through but rereading it at 23, with what I have seen made me sob. Whether Ai Yazawa’s approach was irresponsible or genius I don’t know. But I took something valuable from it and if any minors or young adults especially are following me, I want them to recognize these patterns and behaviors too.

And what should never be done is to take this tragic coping mechanism and turn it into an excuse to diminish your favorite rat boy’s behavior. You can keep saying what Takumi did wasn’t bad based on Hachi’s reaction, be aware it’s a survival instinct, not nonchalance. To sum it up: Hachi is a survivor and what she lived through was just as sad and tragic as other characters, and I am fucking sick of people invalidating it because she coped with a smile.

#nana manga #komatsu nana #ichinose takumi #ai yazawa #osaki nana #i am sorry this is SUCH A MESS #it may sound repetitive and redundant #i had to write my love letter to hachis story #this was hard to write but #if you have any questions feel free to ask #its so bad im sorry djgdkjfdj

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oh-katsuki · 2 years

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cw: mental health, trauma, trauma responses

i feel like sometimes we forget that people are not obligated to stick around when you show signs of trauma and mental illness. i know that sounds really bad, but coming from someone with both who has been on both sides, it’s important to remember that while our peers owe it to us to be kind about it, we owe it to them to try and keep toxic behaviors out of our relationships.

trauma and mental health issues often lead to dysfunctional attachment styles as well as certain toxic behaviors (like love-bombing, ghosting, and passive aggression). people who have trauma responses or exhibit signs of mental illness fall on a wide spectrum, and both extremes are harmful (not only to ourselves, but others). we tend to either bottle feelings until we blow up at someone or confront for every little thing fearing the worst. those types of behaviors, whether conscious or not, are not healthy for us or the people around us.

yes, the people who love you should stick by you even when you are at your lowest, but they are not obligated to. sometimes, signs of mental illness and trauma can be damaging to the people around us. trauma and mental illness is not an excuse to treat people like shit, nor is it an excuse to behave in a toxic manner to those around us. you cannot excuse shitty actions behind the guise of healing or mental health.

everyone deals with their own shit. everyone has their own reactions to things. what might be healing to you can be trauma to someone else (i’m not sure where i heard this, but it stuck with me when i first did). so it’s important to remember that people are allowed to leave if they need to. they are allowed to take breaks and space if certain things are too much for them. especially if your behaviors as a result of trauma or mental illness are proving unhealthy to them.

those types of responses are not anyone else’s responsibility but your own. we, as people, cannot expect our friends and peers to heal us because that is a journey we take ourselves. it’s important to remind ourselves that while we’re on this journey, people may come and go, but it was never their obligation to stay or fix what was wrong. sometimes people are cunts and leave for no reason and it hurts and it’s wrong, but we also need to remember that sometimes there is a reason and they are allowed to have it. it doesn’t make us any worse or any better, it just makes us people and we—as people—need to acknowledge that our unhealthy responses to things can be stressful or even traumatic for others.

mental health can explain shitty behavior, but it does not excuse it. it’s our own individual responsibility to ensure that we are treating others the best we can, regardless of where we are in our healing process.

#tw: mental health #tw: trauma responses #ive been seeing a lot of posts and rhetoric going around abt this #and it is a little concerning to me #especially as someone who has been on both ends of this (ie; the perpetrator and the person who had to walk away)#but then again... im just a writing blog so #feel free to reblog if you'd like #also im talking this through with myself as well #i really dont mean to sound haughty or preachy #i honestly just wanted to talk abt this #everyone's journey is different.. so this post may not apply to you #but i know it certainly applied to me at one point

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cdroloisms · 3 years

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haha your snippit abt the dispenser got me thinking.

Dream gets let out of prison and he talks constantly, whatever is on his mind. And he's positive all the time. To a fault where people walk over him. And it doesn't make sense because he was tortured right???? But after an incident they find out it's because he hates the sound of silence and needs constant reminders that other people are there. Also he was punished for any negative emotions in the prison so his default is happy now,,,

hi anon !! this concept makes me SO goddamn sad ,, the idea that he Has to be happy bc anything else would mean punishment im so *punches the walls*

this ,, ficlet is honestly. pretty ooc, not really related to the ask at all, and mostly an excuse for me to cry abt c!dream and c!punz for an excessive amount of time (technically the vote on twitter was supposed to have this as c!sapnap pov, but i just wrote one for him so i went for c!punz instead. mostly bc i wanted to write him LMAO). hopefully someone enjoys it despite *gestures vaguely* all of that mess

tw: trauma, disordered eating, implied torture/abuse, blood, injuries, unhealthy coping mechanisms, emotional distress, thoughts of murder/mercy killing, mentioned animal death, dark content

In the end, it’s all rather anticlimactic, the complete opposite of Dream’s vault and the whole fiasco of adrenaline and theatrics that had made up that day. Quackity ended up having one too many drinks, bragged about the wrong thing to the wrong person - Punz doesn’t know the specifics, only knows that one thing has led to another and suddenly Sapnap was screaming at his ex-fiancé, sword pointed at his chest and tears streaming down his eyes in the middle of the Community House floor, everyone else stood around and watching. A look into Quackity’s office said everything he didn’t - the chests and chests of used and new tools, shiny and sharpened and completely rusted over with blood and everything in between. There’s been a balled up shirt in the wastebasket, completely unsalvageable from how saturated it was with blood, more red than white, and perhaps most chilling of all the calendar, marked with X after X in red pen, going back months and speaking to their utter failure to see what had been happening all but right in front of them.

With Quackity down, Sam caved not too long after, and with his input getting into the prison was no challenge at all. The only thing holding them back were bad memories and the tense, worried edge to Sam’s jaw as he led the small group of them - himself and Sapnap, actually entering the facility, Bad and Puffy waiting outside - carrying them through winding corridor after winding corridor and lava pit after lava pit, until they’d come to stand before a chasm filled with flowing lava, slowly draining before the main cell.

“I- I have to warn you,” Sam had muttered, uncharacteristically hesitant, “it looks…pretty bad,” and Punz would’ve questioned him further, but the lava had fallen far enough to reveal the topmost edge of the cell, so they let Sapnap hound the Warden for information as they directed their full attention on the cell itself and holy shit.

Nothing Sam said could’ve possibly have prepared them for the sight - it was a complete fucking bloodbath, crimson painting the walls and smeared over the floor and splattered over every visible surface like some abstract art experiment gone wrong. The stench of iron and burning flesh and viscera was awful, even over the gap marked by the still-draining lava. Punz strained his eyes; at the very back of the cell, huddled, unmoving, was a similarly bloodstained shape that must’ve been Dream. They remember the crack of Sapnap’s knuckles meeting Sam’s face and breaking his nose, remember themselves chucking a pearl and feeling along Dream’s neck desperately for a pulse - everything beyond that became a swirl of voices and panic and crying that makes their head hurt to think about, so they don’t.

Recovery is…messy. The physical side had been bad enough - pulling Dream out of the cell, barely breathing, limp in his arms and far too light, all Punz could think about was a sheep he’d found a year ago, frail and struggling to breathe, one he’d ended up killing - quick and painless - with a sword through the skull because it seemed kinder than letting it suffer. Watching Dream struggle on the bed, laid up in Bad’s mansion because none of them knew if he’d survive going any further, body resisting the potions they’d slowly forced down his throat after being so over-saturated on them, temperature spiking and heat baking into his skin like the lava from the prison had been imprinted onto his body, Punz feels the same strange mixture of pity and unease, wonders if it’d be a hell of a lot kinder if they just put him out of his fucking misery.

Still, because Dream is a stubborn bastard, against all odds, he ends up surviving - his fever breaks, the potions begin taking effect, and a few tireless, aching days later his eyes flutter open, lucid for the first time in a week. Punz isn’t even in the room when he wakes, only knows that it happens because the too-quiet room suddenly erupts in noise and activity, muffled thumps and sounds of a struggle undercutting Bad’s frantic calls for someone to help, anyone, and they run into the room to find Dream thrashing on the bed, wounds reopened and blood dripping onto the sheets, eyes wild and wide as his head whips from side to side so hard Punz is half-afraid that he’ll straight up break his neck. Somehow, worst of all, not a single scream falls from his lips, nothing but muffled whines squeezing past his mouth, clenched shut, and for a singular, awful second they wonder how long it took before he realized that screaming was useless.

Fortunately enough for them, or unfortunately, it’s not like he can tell the fucking difference anymore, the panic and strain end up with Dream passing out altogether, and they trade uneasy glances with Bad before going to clean off the worst of his wounds. If everything they’re doing feels hopeless, dressing up wounds that’ll be torn open hours later when Dream is awake enough to feel fear but not much else because he’s forgotten what it’s like to not be afraid - well, that’s for them to think and everyone else to pretend not to agree with.

Weeks pass along the same vein - Dream wakes up, panics; they try to calm him down, fails; he falls back into unconsciousness, and they move on and pretend that they’re cleaning up wounds from battle and not from someone that’s literally been tortured for months on end. People stop by, occasionally; Puffy spends more time than not inside the mansion, but hardly ever enters the door into Dream’s room, Sapnap and George drop by occasionally with potion brewing supplies that the rest of them can’t go out to get; once, he’d gone out to the front door to find a chest with an enchanted golden apple, sender nowhere in sight. He knows that the server is busy; Quackity’s admission had brought more than a few secrets to light, and from what they understand, the political fallout has been pretty damn messy. Still, he stays in the mansion, and watches.

He doesn’t exactly know why he stays. They’re not a stellar healer, not beyond what they know to dress their own wounds, and spend most of their time doing odd-and-ends tasks for Bad, who looks more tired than ever. Maybe it’s because he’s seen Dream at his worst more than the rest of them, had been there through his entire fall from grace, watched as his eyes became clouded with anger and madness and a single, desperate hope that he’d chased at the cost of his world and himself. Maybe it’s because they have no ties to the rest of the server - not to Las Nevadas, falling apart under the scrutiny of the eyes that now fall upon it, not Snowchester, caught up in the chaos, not the Badlands, half-dissolved after the fiasco of the Egg and with Sam’s actions having just come to light. Maybe it’s because above everything else, he feels guilty.

They’d thought the prison was the answer. It’d seemed too simple, back in that Vault - a perfect answer, because everyone else was perfectly happy to watch Dream die another time and some part of them had clenched painfully at the thought even thought they knew it was for the best. The prison meant that he’d be alive, if angry, and at some point when he had the time or the nerve or the guts he could go and visit, and they would talk, and Dream would be angry but with time maybe he could even understand.

They hadn’t wanted this. He can’t imagine anyone wanting this.

“Punz?” They don’t jump at the voice at their back, they don’t, but Bad still has a tiny, tight-lipped smile when they turn around anyway, eyes creased in the corners and still not as bright as they’d been before the Egg. Bad looks at him knowingly, setting a bowl of soup into his hands. “For Dream, if you can get him to eat.” He shifts a pointed gaze towards the door. “Maybe you two could talk.”

“About what?” The words come out harsher than they intend, and they take a moment to bite back the mostly self-directed anger that Bad doesn’t deserve to receive the brunt of. “I just-” he waves his hand in the air, trying to articulate the mess that is his relationship with Dream without the words to explain it. “I don’t know, man.”

“You don’t have to talk about everything,” Bad says, calm as always, eyes flicking down to the bowl of soup in his hands. “Just start with the soup.”

Punz sighs. “I’ll try.”

He enters the room in a single, fluid motion, mostly because he knows that if he were to stop at the door then he’d never actually make his way in. Dream flinches back when they enter, eyes going wide and stance going rigid, and the familiarity doesn’t make the sight any easier to bear as they wait, as always, for Dream’s eyes to clear enough for him to realize he’s in the mansion and not stuck in that same obsidian hellhole.

“I brought soup,” they say, finally, when Dream looks up. Dream’s lips twitch up in what he probably means as a smile; between the still-healing gashes on his face and the fear that flashes over his expression, still, it comes out as more of a grimace.

“Thanks.” Dream looks away. “I’ll eat it later.”

Liar, Punz thinks tiredly, moving closer to set the bowl down on the nightstand by the bed. They frown as Dream’s expression goes slack and distanced, again, eyes fixed to stare blankly at the wall once again.

“You should have some now,” he tries, careful to keep his words even. “You need the calories.”

“I’m good,” Dream says, automatic, just shy of sincere. “Thank you.”

“Dream,” they don’t quite succeed at keeping a displeased sigh from falling from their lungs, and bite back a curse at themselves when Dream pulls back with a silent flinch. It’s so goddamn hard, to talk to this version of Dream, both of them feeling around the edges of their relationship like walking on goddamn eggshells. A few months ago, he would’ve straight up called Dream out on his bullshit, get it through his thick skull that the whole ‘I’m fine and don’t need anyone’ act was stupid and completely failing to convince him. Here, they bite back another sigh, look forlornly at the bowl of the soup on the nightstand, sure to go uneaten once again, and force themselves to sound completely neutral when they speak again. “Alright. You’ll have to eat at some point, though.”

“Mmhm,” Dream hums noncommittally, once again staring at the wall. Punz stares at his hands. This is so fucking pointless.

“So,” they say after a few seconds, Bad’s words echoing in their head - they can try to make an effort to talk, sure. It’s just that Dream’s not going to cooperate. “How are you, man?”

The words come out stilted, awkward. He looks up to watch Dream’s expression, as the other man begins to gnaw on the inside of his cheek.

“I’m good,” he says, words deliberately light. “You?”

“Dream…”

“I’m fine.” Dream’s voice sharpens suddenly, breath hitching, before he shakes his head and turns his head away. “I’m fine.”

Punz looks at him incredulously. “Are you serious? Do we need to get into exactly how not-fine you are?” They wave a hand in his direction, jaw clenching when he rears back. “Do ‘fine’ people lose their minds from someone waving at them, now?”

“I-” For a second, Dream glares at him, eyes burning with a familiar, irritated fire that Punz knows all-too-well from having it directed at him a few too many times, before it suddenly dies and Dream is swinging his head back to the bedsheets, hands tightening on the cloth as he stammers. “I- What do you want?”

Punz breathes a soft sigh, regret blooming in the center of their chest. “Sorry,” he mumbles, careful to keep their gestures overly-telegraphed and away from the other man’s face. “I’m just- you’re not okay, man. No one’s expecting you to be okay after...all of that.”

“But why?”

Dream’s voice is small, nearly a sob, and Punz directs wide, alarmed eyes to where he’s hunched in over himself, knees pulled to his chest, hands staring at the sheets pulled over them. “Why?” he says, again, quieter, lip trembling slightly.

“Because you were tortured,” Punz begins, words slow as they watch Dream’s expression, trying to pull out the thoughts behind his averted eyes, “Because the cell was inhumane, and nobody deserves to be treated like that. Because you were hurt very, very badly because of what we did, and none of us are expecting you to be fine right after going through months of trauma.” He pauses. “You know that, right?”

“But I’m out,” Dream says, quiet, disbelieving, instead of answering their question. “I’m out of there. It’s over. It’s- everything’s good,” he whispers, more to himself than to them, hands curling into fists and then uncurling. “I’m- they said I would never get out. And I’m outside, and it’s not- not the cell, and I get real food, and Quackity doesn’t visit anymore,” he shakes his head, eyes squeezing shut as his breath catches in his throat. “I’m happy- I should be happy. Right?”

“Oh Dream,” the other man flinches back, breath quickening, and Punz’s hand stops short from where he’d almost let it fall onto the other’s shoulder. “You don’t have to be happy, man. Not- not after all of that. Not if you’re not ready yet.” Dream’s eyes, wide and wet, rise to look at their own, and they feel more than hear the soft, wounded noise that leaves their lips. “It’s ok to be hurt. It’s ok to be scared. No one’s blaming you, alright? No one’s gonna hurt you anymore.”

This, more than anything, seems to be the breaking point, because Dream collapses forward, hands flying up to pull at his tangled hair before Punz manages to ease them away and into his own hands, watching as he grips onto them until his knuckles go white. His breathing shudders, quiet, even his sobs muffled as to make as little noise as possible, and they murmur meaningless croons and hums as he cries into their chest.

“I wanna- I wanna be okay,” he hiccups, and Punz smooths his hair back behind their hand.

“I know,” he swallows around the lump that has risen in his own throat. “I’m sorry.”

#tw trauma #tw disordered eating #tw torture #tw abuse #tw blood #tw injuries #tw unhealthy coping mechanism #tw emotional distress #tw murder #tw animal death #tw dark content #tw unhealthy eating habits #-> my writing #my writing :D #my asks !!#-> my asks

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mirambles · 3 years

Text

On Hong Dusik

I will try and rationalise the criticism around Dusik. I will try hard to keep my Kim Seon Ho bias aside, because Kim Seon Ho has this uncanny ability of elevating a character 100x times the vision that the writer had while writing it and the director while putting it on screen.

There is the criticism that Dusik is preachy and judgemental. I admit he is, but what we are also missing is how self aware he is - of his surroundings and himself. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t have apologised to HyeJin for judging her harshly in episode 3 itself.

Also the culture in small towns is different to those in cities, everyone is in everyone’s business while in cities we stick to our own business. His default position is to help and assist where he can - he may not always be polite, but his intention is to help and not insult. He is simply straightforward , no sugar coating.

HyeJin gave him a long lecture on their social position and made presumptions about his lifestyle, financial position , education and intellectual ability - and yet in the restaurant later when she apologised, he held no grudges and said there was no need to be sorry for having opinions. That to me is a pretty sorted guy.

Gif credit @jaehwany

He was wrong to tell HyeJin to let the gossip slide and she was perfectly right to call him out and saying she wouldn’t let it slide. He realised he had crossed the line on that front.

He is also extremely observant and it shows, he is quick to make NamSuk realise when she bad mouths HyeJin’s profession. He is not siding with HyeJin because he has started to develop feelings for her, he and HyeJin are two very similar people, they will not let their personal bias interfere with what is right or wrong.

When he starts getting jealous of Ji PD and being petty, it’s impacting him more and he knows it. He realises every action of his was wrong, it’s why he gave that long detailed apology to HyeJin.

Gif credit @iamacolor

He would not have bothered to give HyeJin any explanations on the necklace, but she was flustered and overthinking; so to me he merely alleviated her fears and insecurities when he told her she shouldn’t bother about how he views her actions. As a stranger and co village resident him being preachy or judgemental to her would have no impact on her, she wouldn’t care and he wouldn’t bother explaining. But they are dating, their relationship is new, she has her insecurities and he has his fears. It matters that the other person is not uneasy and it’s important to discuss this.

To me it was a lovely gesture from him to make her feel secure and assured. She doesn’t need any validation from him and he is not giving it. This is just two people getting to know each other, clearing doubts and to me those words were simply wonderful to come at the initial stage of their relationship.

I have dropped a lot of KDramas or fast forwarded the story because of toxic leads - male or female and then their behaviour being justified cause childhood upbringing, lack of love, trauma etc. I understand, but forcing your partner, stalking, hand grabbing, forced kisses, shouting, yelling, pursuing when told not to, are all red flags to me, these behaviours cannot be excused cause of some past trauma. It’s not right messaging and it is flawed writing.

DuSik is not perfect, but he is nothing like these toxic characters we have seen in past dramas who are praised and loved. DuSik is also going through his growth, he is yet to drop his walls and let HyeJin in completely. I’m hoping the writer will do justice.

To me, he has been absolutely respectful to HyeJin - he has not forced his feelings on her ever, he is secure and comfortable with their differences, and he is not forcing his way of life on her. No one is perfect, but this flawed DuSik is miles ahead of the toxic characters we often see in many dramas.

#hometown cha cha cha #kim seon ho #kdrama #hong du shik #boyfriend #male character #korean drama #non toxic

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winter-came · 3 years

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i'm here to talk vanya :)

1. i don't think vanya has considered the harm it would do to her siblings when she published her book. one thing that stands out to me is how the hargreaves always thought the others had it better and failed to see their pain, luther thinking five was lucky to skip out on reginald's abuse and not taking his loneliness into account for example. in the same vein vanya thought she had it worst cuz she was left out, without considering the trauma her siblings were going thru. the tattoo scene demonstrated this mind-set quite clearly. so when she was writing that book, i don't think she knew just how much it would hurt her siblings, cuz she herself wanted desperately to get on that team.

2. a common theme with her three outbursts are betrayal. pogo, leonard and alison were all withholding information from her, the three people arguably the closest to her in S1. i think the reason why the fandom forgave her so easily for killing pogo and gave luther so much shit for locking her up is the reasons behind those actions. most ppl have experienced some sort of betrayal and the anger that followed, so it's easier to understand where she's coming from. luther for the last two episodes was being cold and calculating and extremely stupid, wanting to kill and abandon one of his siblings until the final scene, while this still makes sense from the character's pov, it's frustrating to watch as a viewer. (also i doubt vanya was fully aware when she was activating her power. when ben was inside her head in S2 she was crying in the corner asking "i'm doing it again aren't i", meaning she might not have full control over herself? and the younger version of herself that talked to her in the basement might be her darker side or whatever? idk but that would be my guess.)

3. i do agree that there is a bias towards vanya in the fandom, but i don't think it's totally unwarranted. when compared to her siblings vanya is the least calculating (maybe except for klaus) and while she did hurt ppl around her it's almost always not within her control (compare that to five or alison or luther) she is the most emotional amongst the siblings and that simply makes her more sympathetic. her story is also the easiest to relate to. very few of us know what it's like to live by ourselves for four decades or having to do substance abuse to shut out the dead, but most of us would at some point feel that we're not special enough, or that we're not loved by those around us. that might explain her popularity. that and Elliot Page.

thx for reading this. i want to hear ur thoughts.

When I saw this ask, my heart started beating real fast. I will try to properly answer each point.

1. I completely agree that Hargreeves have an annoying habit of undermining others' problems and thinking they had it better. E.g “You skipped out his golden years” ← Diego to Five. And yes, in the heat of the moment of writing the book she most definitely didn’t think about consequences. But if my math is correct, it was 5 years before the current time of the show. And yet, she still looked like a kicked puppy over it. And Diego was still maximally pissed off about it even after 5 years, so let’s assume what she wrote there was really beyond the line of decency. Even Ben was shocked to read it. And the unawareness of consequences does not excuse her. It is understandable but it doesn’t erase the fact she had no right.

2. Again, being hurt and acting out of betrayal and anger does not excuse her behaviour. I do completely get from where she was coming. However, if I in blind rage beat up someone, I would still be held accountable. Also it’s important to look at the way she killed Pogo and Leonard. That violence was and is part of her. Interesting thing you pointed out [and I will from now take in consideration] is that she might not be fully in control of herself in those moments. But it does not erase the fact she did it. And if we excuse Vanya killing Pogo out of hurt and betrayal, why don’t we excuse Luther for acting out of fear and unsureness? He did not lock her up out of malice but out of a drilled sense of need to protect his siblings. Vanya proposed a threat and he did not know better at the time. Yet you all were ready to crucify him and hug Vanya.

Also acting out of pain in a murderous way, I would like to point to Diego. Okay, he was not betrayed but he was hurt by Eudora getting killed. He sought revenge. Just like Vanya, we understand where he was coming from. But he did hold back at the end, not finishing off ChaCha. Vanya killed and slaughtered both Leonard and Pogo. There is no way to not acknowledge her darker side.

3. I do not agree on the fact she is the least calculating of the bunch. I would actually put her in third place. Following Five and Allison. Vanya seems timid and calm as long as everything goes her way. The moment it doesn’t? Shit happens.

Good example of it is the whole “Sissy and Harlan business.” Five very clearly explained to her why she can’t take them to present with her. And he did go out of his way to let her say goodbye. [even though it clearly caused him even more stress and there was no time for it].

What did she do? She ignored Five, stubbornly taking Sissy and Harlan with her and if they actually made it to the alley, I bet my ass she would fight Five in order to bring them along.

And I do get why a lot of people relate to her. Outsider, overlooked, undermined, neglected, shy to some degree. And she is empathetic. And she has the most relatable problems. BUT the moment someone crosses her, it’s over for them. And that needs to be taken into account. She is not harmless. She is not least dangerous. She does not need to be cooed. And surely she doesn't have to be so easily forgiven.

Your pain does not excuse your actions. You don’t get to play victim and hide after you do what you do. You don’t get to be a hypocrite.

I tried my best to explain my point of view. I’m sorry it took me so long.

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esther-dot · 3 years

Note

If you can see that not every attempt to understand Cersei or sympathize with her qualifies as excusing her actions, can you also accept that not every attempt to understand the Hound or sympathize with him qualifies as excusing his actions? Make no mistake, there are fans who whitewash and romanticize him, but there are plenty more who simply find him interesting and can sympathize with what happened to him as a child. Yet there are so many blanket statements coming from you and your mutuals about his fans, so many posts acting like any show of compassion towards him is a personal attack on you and a disgusting attempt to romanticize one of Sansa's abusers. It's an attitude that is lacking in any nuance and is really astounding in its hypocrisy, coming as it does from defenders of Cersei, the one abuser Sansa continues to fear and hate the most even in AFFC.

You’re right that it isn’t necessarily romantization of the Hound (or any villain) to talk about what he suffered.

Someone can be abused and also be an abuser. Cersei is both. Tyrion, the Hound…they’ve suffered and they have turned around and had their own victims. This is something Martin likes to write, and there’s no problem with understanding that and caring about villains. He wants you to. I think it’s why he makes so many of them victims first. But, I think this is something the fandom has misconstrued, even if you personally haven’t. Martin is writing histories for his characters to explain why they are who they are, believe what they do, act as they do. He isn’t saying they aren’t who they are, they don’t think what they’re saying, they haven’t done what they did.

I talk about the Hound in the context of what he did to Sansa to push back against the idea that he didn’t do what he did. If you aren’t one of those who denies that he threatened Sansa’s life/intended to rape her, I have no issue with you. But, seeing as I have only written about the Hound in the context of people shipping him with Sansa, in the context of their misrepresentation of him, how they do deny his actions to facilitate the romance, it feels like you’re trying to shame me for something I never said? I am not responsible for the words of every Sansa fan/Cersei fan/Jonsa, I’m not even aware of all of them, but from what I’ve seen, 97.9% of what my circle says about the Hound is directly tied to the idea of shipping him with Sansa and refuting the misinterpretation of their scenes. The other 2.1% is probably also that, simply less directly. I have nothing to say about the Hound outside of that because my interest in him only extends to how he has impacted Sansa.

I know I am not routinely talking about his fans because I wasn’t even aware that there were active Hound fans on tumblr who don’t ship him with Sansa. So, I think you’re taking offense at something that wasn’t talking about you? I don’t deny what he experienced in his life, I don’t dwell on it either. It isn’t the case that we’re randomly hating on the guy, and I am skeptical that any of us criticized the concept of sympathizing with his trauma. I think you’ll find we are fully capable of acknowledging the tragedy of those experiences, but are adamant that it doesn’t change the fact that he goes on to become a threat to Sansa. That’s the point we harp on. Either you misunderstood what I’ve written or you’re misrepresenting me…to me… in my ask box…👀 So, I will repeat what I have previously said, just in case you misunderstood. Every Cersei fan knows she’s a villain. We don’t think sympathizing with her changes anything. This is in contrast to most of the fandom. They pick a villain, and love him so much they no longer believe he’s a villain. For Hound fans, they then decide the child he threatened to kill/attempted to rape should marry him.

Let that idea sink in.

You know why we find that triggering. You understand why we answer asks about it to reassure people they are not alone in being disturbed by it, and that no, we don’t think that’s where Martin is going. Shipping Sansa and the Hound has been accepted and is championed by some of the biggest fans in the ASOIAF fandom, so even if you aren’t a shipper, I know you have loads of pro-Hound content at your fingertips. If a dozen or so of us no-names want to explain why we disagree, we aren’t detracting anything from what that fandom does. You will still have that/those fans to enjoy. Since I only write about the Hound in this context, I have to assume that’s where you read my view of him, so I think it’s obvious I’m talking about the group that minimize how he wronged Sansa to facilitate their desired end? That simply isn’t the case for Cersei fans. We all know Cersei is a) a villain, b) dying. I don’t know what others are saying, but I’ve never claimed she deserved anything other than narrative justice. And it certainly makes no sense to compare my feelings about her to the feelings of people who ship Sansa with Tyrion, LF, or the Hound or any other person who mistreated her because no Sansa fan argues that she should end up in the vicinity of Cersei. (This reminds me a little of this ask so I won’t repeat all of that here).

For some people, seeing Sans@n fan art is triggering. So, yes, they may feel personally attacked. This doesn’t detract from your enjoyment of the character. It’s upsetting to them, they say so on their own blogs, they filter the ship content, and move on. It’s unreasonable to ask that we all just pretend it’s cute or that we don’t know what the shippers are doing when they reframe the Hound threatening Sansa’s life as a panic attack or awkward flirting, and those are only two recent examples of people putting that kind of nonsense into the inboxes of Jonsas. There was someone else denying that book Sansa had ever been sexually assaulted. The fandom is so full of fans of LF, the Hound, Tyrion, that people truly don’t even see what Sansa has suffered at their hands. This is what Sansa fans are trying to rectify. Every character has fans, it’s great that you have a fav, but I’m allowed to be annoyed that others were so effective at whitewashing him (+ LF, Tyrion), that Sansa has been kicked out of her own story.

So, I don’t feel bad about what I’ve said about him/the ship. I think it’s fair and based in the text. I don’t think it’s lacking nuance to not give his life story when talking about what the Hound has done to Sansa, just as no one expects people to talk about the abuse Cersei suffered before criticizing her actions. I told a Tyrion fan something similar the other day, but I am talking about these characters in the context of Sansa’s experience--I’m not trying to give the entire picture of their experience because I’m not writing about them. I’m writing about Sansa.

If you are in fact, not a shipper, I understand how what we say may not make sense without context, but there is a context, and the context in which I talk about him is the trauma that he caused Sansa by attempting to rape her, and the fact that there are people who deny it, and I know why they do. If you don’t do that, there is no need to be offended.

#anti the hound #anti sansan #dot chat

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pridewhatpride · 3 years

Note

do you have any gx rivalshipping hcs!! im super curious on your take of them :]

When I saw this ask my immediate reaction was thinking: "Yes, I have an excuse to talk about gx rivalshipping, YES."

So yeah. I love this ship a lot, like a whole damn lot and it's a little hard to explain why, especially when gx has so many open possibilities for romances involving Judai. By which I mean two, really, and Manjoume is not one of them (sadly for me). I am referring to Yubel and Johan, by the way, I refuse to acknowledge Asuka as a love interest.

I'll start off with a bit of fluff headcanons?

Manjoume thinks Winged Kuriboh is really cute and that its friendly and fluffy appearance screams Judai, in a way. But he will never admit it because of what that might imply for him and the Ojamas.

Manjoume is fueled by caffeine and monster, he only really starts to recognise how nice it can be to have a meal because of how much Judai enjoys his food. He tries to sit at the table with him with dumb excuses.

Judai feels a bit guilty for how his actions impacted Manjoume's life, but Manjoume generally tells him that it's fine, it's better this way, that he's never this happy, that the only reason why Judai should maybe feel bad about it is because of his tendency to get overly invested in other people's problems and getting hurt in the process. Judai responds with bear hugs.

Manjoume brags about Judai a lot, actually. "Oh you think that's cool? One time Judai managed to do a backflip, you loser." "Slifer reds suck, but they do have redeeming qualities, by which I mean one of them is actually good."

Judai likes to indulge himself in the thought that he's Manjoume's most trusted, that he's the only one who could ever be allowed to have that many incriminating pictures of him. Because Judai just loves taking candid pictures of Manjoume. He thinks he looks and and cool in every situation, so yeah. A part of him does it because he has an inexplicable fear of forgetting people and the way they look, but he just can't say why that is.

They hang out in silence a lot, but once they start talking they just never stop. You'll find them on the beach at 3 am with a smiling Manjoume listening to Judai go on about how crazy it is that you can fry food in so many different ways and how he once caught a butterfly as a kid and named it Kujaku.

They share their music a lot, so Manjoume's tastes switch from just emo to fast paced rap and the weirdly happy sounding songs about very morbid things Judai listens to (plus emo). Judai starts to enjoy a bit of angry screaming into microphones thanks to Jun. Do they sing along like idiots as they share earphones? Yes. Is Manjoume mesmerised by Judai's singing voice? Also yes.

Judai loves hiking and sometimes invites Manjoume, but because he's a lot weaker and has less stamina, they take it slow. Manjoume keeps cursing himself for being slow and dead weight, but Judai is just happy to have a companion. Admittedly, going slower makes the walks better as he has the time to enjoy the scenery properly. He never teases Jun about his lack of physical training.

Now... I wanted to talk about my general view on the ship, plus headcanons I guess, but this is going to be EVEN LONGER (you are getting more than you asked for, your fault for enabling me, really). For the sake of the sanity of mobile users, I'm adding a cut so nobody has to unwillingly scroll through endless text.

On to the the juice, then. My thoughts on the ship. Manjoume and Judai are, of course, the rivals of the series and, if my thoughts on rivalry weren't clear enough, I am one of those people. It's just really romantic to me. What is very interesting about the two of them specifically is that they are polar opposites in the way the reason why they play, throughout the whole series. Hell, their views end up getting reversed completely: Manjoume goes from "if I don't win I'm gonna have a breakdown breakdown" to "losing is ok, as long as I enjoy the game and am true to myself", while Judai does the 180 from "I really just love playing cards with my friends, who cares about the outcome, it's fun" to "I have card game related trauma, nobody speak to me, games are only an excuse to assert a sort of power scale and honestly fuck that".

Manjoume is sort of the only person in the 'friend group' (he's never actually part of it, sadly, literally only Judai and Fubuki like him) to not idolise Judai, not explicitly. He clearly has an admiration for Judai from the beginning, but he is adamant on expressing it as hatred towards for being better than him. A part of me feels that a lot of his superior act is meant to try and fool himself and Jaden into thinking that he's a worthy rival, because I know for a fact that Manjoume doesn't believe that. He wants it to be true, yes.

What I am trying to get at is that Judai is probably a little confused by the fact that Manjoume doesn't drool all over him like the rest of the school does, but it soon becomes a crutch. Judai is under a lot of pressure because he is the hero who will save everyone and people like to remind him of how much they count on him. Manjoume is in it for Judai. He wants to be acknowledged by him, he wants his recognition and his attention, but he never asks for help or expects Judai to fix his problems for him. Judai is probably thankful for that.

Manjoume is also really scared of being left behind and cast aside as soon as he stops being useful and that's exactly what the writers do to him!!! hooray!, but Judai keeps insisting that he's not a bad guy, that he's fun to be around, that he's competent. Manjoume doesn't really believe all that that much, but Jaden keeps playing him despite his repeated losses and to Jun that's the equivalent of someone kissing his tears away. Manjoume only learns to accept his losses and shortcomings because Judai did it for him first.

So basically Manjoume is the only one who fully sees Judai as a person, while Judai is the only one who is really willing to look past his pretentious facade. I fully believe that Judai was relieved to learn that Manjoume was not just a perfect boy with perfect manners, by the way. They both just love to learn about every imperfection that the other has and silently thinking that they just add to the beauty of the other's character. Will they tease eachother about it? Fuck yes. Do they feel awful when the other tries to fix something about themselves because they pointed it out? Also fuck yes.

They are in a dumb competition against themselves to be better in order to earn the right to be friends with eachother, but because they are fucking dumb they never actually communicate (until they do), so for a long time it's endless pining that is definitely not gay because admittedly Judai just doesn't think that dating is a thing, while Manjoume is straight™, really straight. He has never liked a boy in his life, he's so very fucking straight, I swear.

So Manjoume is a bisexual disaster (and in my headcanon he prefers boys, actually, the Asuka incident is the biggest example of denial™ ever. He prefers Fubuki, fight me over this). The problem is that he never really considered he might be crushing on Judai, but at the same time admitting to maybe liking boys too means that there was more to wanting to stay at DA, to hanging out with Judai's crew despite their mutual dislike, to his continuous playful headlocks and ear pulling. To add onto that, there is probably a certain amount of guilt over having betrayed that bond with Judai by trying to throw away his cards and everything. Judai, on the other hand... is confused at how bothered he is by the public declarations of love, because Manjoume is his rival and rivals are supposed to focus on eachother, not on some girl, no matter how good said girl is at card games.

So maybe they are a bit gay for eachother. And maybe they just want excuses to be together as much as possible. And it's really just the vibe of highschool romance between two people who don't want to admit to caring for one another on a deeper level, but are also weirdly possessive of eachother for no apparent reason. And I think I'll stop here with my gay retelling, but really if you look at the two of them you do see that they do a lot for eachother's characters. It's kind of beautiful, really. They are the two socially inept characters who find comfort in someone being just like them and understanding them as they change and grow up.

I have a lot to say about how that changes once the transfer students come in, but I think I've bored everyone for long enough- as in nobody will read this lol. That's ok. I thank you again for the ask and for allowing me to gush about this ship that is so close to my heart. If anyone ever wants to talk about them, just. Do. Break into my house at night and I still won't mind, I just want to talk about them.

#shut me up #i'm so sorry #i started and i couldn't stop #i also didn't want to be disappointing by giving an half-assed response #i've thought about this ask all night #i still improvised the whole thing and i'm sure you can tell #yugioh #ygo #yugioh gx #ygo gx #gx rivalshipping #manjoume jun #jun manjoume #chazz princeton #yuki judai #judai yuki #jaden yuki

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mandoalorian · 4 years

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I Believe In Love [Maxwell Lord x F!Reader] — Two: Truth

Author's note: When you find your calling to leave Themyscira, you venture out to the World of Man with intentions of helping and healing a very specific person's relationship with his son. You've heard his voice before, but only in dreams. You've felt his pain and anguish and you've never been able to relate to anything more. But things don't come easy for you, and they certainly don't come easy for him either. [This series contains spoilers for WW84 and is my interpretation of what happens after the movie ends].

Warnings: allusions to sex, mention of trauma

Word count: 4,400>

Masterlist

Previous - Chapter Two - Next

"Can I help you?" you jumped when you felt a tap on your shoulder. You spun around on your heel, diverting your attention from the man on the television to the petite blonde girl who was doting a pale pink pant suit. Her blue eyes seemed friendly enough, but her expression of bewilderment and slight disdain was enough to make you uncomfortable. Your lips parted slightly as you tried to gather your words.

"I'm… I'm looking for someone," you said hesitantly. You turned back around to watch the television, pressing the palm of your hand against the screen and watching him with awe. You weren't sure if you were more flabbergasted by this brand new technology, or by the handsome man who was attempting to sell you oil.

"You're going to have to be more specific," the woman placed a hand on her hip and quirked her eyebrow.

"My friend Alistair…" you said slowly before shaking your head and smiling. "Do you know this man?" you pointed at the television.

The blonde woman looked completely and utterly perplexed. "Mr Lord?" she asked. Her mind was racing: everyone knew who her boss was. She pondered for a moment, questioning who exactly you were and where did you come from before shaking her head profusely. "Wait, I’m sorry. Did you just say Alistair?" she pinched the bridge of her nose and began to circle around you, taking in your appearance; judging your native Amazonian outfit and muddy skin.

"Yes, Alistair. We met in the park earlier," you explained. "Please excuse the dirt on my body."

"Mr Lord’s son…?" the lady said, speaking her thoughts out loud. No woman had ever come to Black Gold Cooperative requesting to see Alistair, note even his own mother. "Who are you?"

You smiled politely, taking the lady's hand. "I'm here to help. Where can I find Mr Lord?"

"Do you have an appointment with him?" the lady in pink asked, walking around the main desk and checking the computer. "I'm his secretary by the way. My name is Raquel." she mumbled as she pressed a few keys.

You introduced yourself and shook her hand, admiring her beautifully manicured nails. "An appointment?" you repeated. "No, not really. He doesn’t know I’m coming.”

“Mr Lord is a very busy man,” Raquel sighed, tapping her manicured acrylic nails against the oak wood desk. “He doesn’t do surprise visits.”

“That’s okay, I wish to see Alistair anyway. I must know if he’s okay.” your body was still rife with concern over what you had witnessed happen to the little boy earlier at the playpark, and how he had disappeared.

“There is no way for me to contact Alistair, he’s just a child… but uh, let me see what I can do.” Raquel sighed, knowing she wasn’t easily going to get rid of you anytime soon. “I can give Mr Lord a call and let him know you wish to see him,” she told you, ringing in his phone number. “Can I ask what your business with him is?”

“I’m here to help him,” you repeated with an eager grin.

“Right,” Raquel said slowly as you turned back to the television, admiring the man with the dark blonde hair, sporting the three piece designer suits. “Help him with what?”

You blinked momentarily, watching this Mr Lord drone on and on and on. “Oil.” you practically squeaked out.

“Oil?” Raquel questioned, not believing you for one minute. She had every right inkling to believe you were dangerous, but it was her job to contact Maxwell in this type of situation, no matter what. You squeezed your eyes shut almost sensing her disbelief when you heard her speak again. Her voice had changed completely, high pitched and almost articulated. “Oh, yes, hi! Mr Lord! There is someone here who wishes to see you.”

Thank the Gods he’d picked up the phone before Raquel could quiz you further.

Maxwell had answered from the car phone. He’d just dropped Alistair off at Julianna and Theodore’s home. It was never fun, having to go see his wife. He wanted to be strong, and he certainly wanted to keep his promise to Alisitar, about spending the whole weekend together - but there was too much at stake. He knew that deep down, Alisitair would understand one day. Maxwell cursed himself for messing up so quickly. The phone rang just as Maxwell slid back into the car. Pinching the bridge of his nose, Max huffed a sigh and held the phone to his ear. “Who is it?” Maxwell asked wearily. “If it’s the FBI or the FTC…”

Maxwell was nervous. He was even confused that Raquel was still at Black Gold, still happy to work for him after he did commit what potentially could be classified as war crimes. Maxwell was a realist and he knew that with every action, came a consequence. The world had never been kind to him, and he looked down at the envelope that Theodore had handed to him. His name, Maxwell Lorenzano, was written on the front in Julianna’s perfectly inked calligraphy. Max hated it. He didn’t have his name legally changed fifteen years ago just so his ex wife could throw his old identity back in his face. He hated his real name. It was a constant reminder of his past life. But now he didn’t know what was worse, being a Lord or a Lorenzano. The name Lorenzano had been tainted for him, by his family, and years of bullying. But the name Lord? He’d tainted that himself. A conman. A stupid, messed up loser. Julianna hadn’t wanted to see Maxwell, and instead sent her new boyfriend to collect Alistair from him.

“Julianna wants you to have this,” Theodore said with a frown, taking Alistair’s hand and pulling him away from Maxwell. “When you read through it, give her a call.” was all he said before slamming the front door in Max’s face. Max didn’t know what was inside the envelope, but he knew it couldn’t be good.

“No, it’s not the FBI or the FTC. It’s a woman,” Raquel said hesitantly. “She… she’s a bit odd,” Raquel whispered, but not quiet enough for it to go unnoticed by you. Nevertheless, you pretended to ignore her comment. Perhaps you were odd, and perhaps that was okay. The world of man was not something you were used to. But you were here for a reason. The delay in Maxwell’s response prompted Raquel to say more. “Mr Lord… I don’t think she’s going to leave without seeing you. Would you like me to call the cops?”

“No!” Maxwell practically barked. He turned on the engine of his car and held the phone between his ear and shoulder, reversing out of the driveway. He didn’t know what was going on, it was too early to tell - but Maxwell couldn’t have the police anywhere near Black Gold. There was a good chance the police might be looking for him anyway. There was a good chance Max believed he might even have to go into hiding. “I’m on my way.” Maxwell promised before putting the phone down.

You turned back to Raquel when you heard the phone click back onto the hook. “Well, he’s coming,” she shrugged. “Just take a seat please. He won’t be long.”

You walked over to the centre of the lobby where there was a long circular velveteen sofa with a silver foiled surface. You ran your finger over the material, savouring the soft feeling. It was unlike anything you had ever felt before. You let out a small gasp when you noticed your gladiator sandals had trailed in mud and made a mess of the pristine marble floor. You knew it wouldn’t take much to clean, but you still felt bad.

The lobby of Black Gold Cooperative was large, with pillars similar to what they’d have in the Themysciran palace back home and vases of white roses decorating every corner. You wiped down your skirt and tunic, not wanting to be responsible for any more mess, and sat down on the sofa. You groaned as the velveteen plush engulfed you. You couldn’t help it, Raquel was gone and you were exhausted after spending the day looking for Alistair. You hummed in contentment, unbuckling the leather straps on your shoes and laying down on the sofa, curling up and closing your eyes.

Everything was dull. The sky was grey, dark and rainy clouds casting a cold shadow over your shoulders. This was weird. Normally your dreams would be utter and complete blackness - the inability to see anything, only hear the chaos that surrounded you. Only hear the cries and pleas for help and terror - and his voice. The man you were soughting for. You wondered if upon venturing to the world of man, your premonitions had stopped. But that didn’t make any sense. You were one step closer to finding this mystery man.

In the distance, you saw a group of kids tormenting and teasing another little boy. The image reflected what you had seen earlier at the playpark with Alistair, but it was different children this time. “What are you wearing?” you heard one boy mock as you ran closer. “Look at your shoes! Little Lorenzano can’t even afford new shoes!” a different girl cackled.

Lorenzano. You stopped dead in your footsteps, your eyes widening as you watched the group of kids disband, leaving the little boy with glazed brown eyes and ripped clothes shaking with fear. Lorenzano was the name of the man you were looking for - the man you had to help. Your mother Hestia had helped you learn that, but you had never seen him before. This Lorenzano was just a child. There was no way he could have a son.

You took a deep breath and reached out. “Sweet boy?” you called, taking a cautious step forward. Little Lorenzano didn’t even flinch. “Hello?” you asked again. You got as close as you could to him, walking around in circles and taking in his appearance, but he didn’t even notice you. It was almost like he couldn’t see you.

That’s when you realised you weren’t in a dream. You were in a memory. And suddenly everything made sense. This broken little boy was in fact the same person you were looking for. But now, he was a broken man who was desperately trying to make things right. Desperately trying to turn his life around. You’d seen a fleck of his past and you wondered if he was anything like that now. It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that you had to find him.

There was no way of telling how long you were asleep for, but when you heard Maxwell Lord’s voice, you couldn’t distinguish it from your dream or reality. It was so familiar, so rich and articulate.

“Jesus Christ,” Maxwell muttered, pacing backwards and forwards before turning back to you and prodding a finger into your bare arm. “Wake up.” he said sternly, his voice a little louder than before. You yawned, bringing your hands up to your eyes and giving them a gentle rub before sitting up and looking at the man.

It was him. The same man you had seen on the television. Only there was something not that right. You couldn’t put your finger on it. You grinned, your eyes gleaming with delight as you stood up and cupped your hands around his face, squeezing his cheeks and getting as close as you could. You touched him and maneuvered his body in different ways, lifting his arms up and brushing down his shoulders. He was broader than any Amazonian woman, and that said a lot. Surprisingly, Maxwell became putty in your grip. He would’ve never have expected it, but he just let you mould him and sculpt him in any which way you pleased. You traced his skin with your fingers, taking in every detail. It was certainly the man from the television - but this version of Maxwell Lord looked more tired and disheveled. His hair wasn’t perfectly styled and he wasn’t fitted into a perfectly pressed suit. But he was still just as remarkable and there was something about his presence that simply took your breath away.

He could say the same about you, too. He was completely stunned by you. Your beauty was incomparable to anyone else he’d ever seen. You almost looked out of this world. He was quick to shrug off his fascination with you, boiling it down to the fact you were covered in dirt and dressed in the strangest costume. He had more important things to worry about… like Alistair and whatever was in that damn envelope Theodore had given him.

“You’re a man,” you whispered in disbelief.

“I- what?” Maxwell asked, furrowing his eyebrows together.

“A real man,” you gasped, running your fingers through his dark blonde hair. Maxwell had to push back a longing groan, as your touch went straight to his semi-hard and already throbbing manhood. He gulped, diverting his gaze from your beautiful eyes.

“Do I- do I not look like a real man?” he asked curiously, ignoring the shudder that felt like it was swallowing him whole.

“Themyscrian depictions of man illustrate a strong, tall, muscular fellow who carries a sword and shield,” You explained, biting your lip and placing the palm of your hand over his chest. You could feel his beating heart under your touch and it almost took your breath away. You dragged your hand down to the curve of his tummy and Maxwell felt his cheeks heat up with insecurity. He never let anyone touch him like this. “They were naked too.”

Maxwell practically choked on his own tongue. That comment alone was enough to get him to step back and raise his hands up defensively.

“Well princess, I won’t be getting naked for you anytime soon, that’s for sure.” He chuckled nervously.

You smiled. “Princess? No no, I’m not a princess,” you giggled before introducing yourself. “I’m the goddess of home and hearth.”

Maxwell gulped before bursting into a fit of laughter. He looked around the office lobby, his movements quick and stressed. “Right, where’s the camera?”

“The- the camera?” you asked, confused.

“Is this for TV? Come on, tell me quickly. It’s a practical joke… right? You’re here, in my office, covered in dirt and in the most ridiculous clothes I’ve ever seen. And you say all these weird words like Themysciran - whatever that means, and you’re telling me you’re the goddess of home and… hearth?” he said almost quizzically. “You’re the crazy woman who stole Alistair away from me at the playpark earlier.”

So Raquel was right. He really was Alistair’s father. “Hey!” you frowned at his accusations. You hadn’t lied to him once. “You weren’t where Alistair left you. You disappeared and I was helping him find you!” you shot back, feeling an anger bubble inside of you.

“I don’t know where you come from princess, but here in America, you don’t just go round stealing people’s kids. That’s like, a federal offence.” Maxwell shouted, wiggling his finger in the air. “Jesus, where do you come from?”

You defensively crossed your arms over your chest, his yelling making you feel vulnerable. You could tell that he was clearly already under a lot of stress but he had no reason to take it out on you. “Themyscira.” you told him calmly.

He scrunched up his face in disdain. "There it is again. Them-a-what-now?"

"Themyscira." you said, this time making conscious effort to say it slower and clearer.

"With all due respect darling, I've travelled the world. I've been to many different places. I spent my adolescence studying a map of the world and never in my life have I heard of such a place." Maxwell shook his head in disbelief.

"I'm not here to prove anything to you, Mr Lord. But I find your attitude towards me to be quite upsetting." you revealed, looking back at the revolving doors you came in. There was a deafening silence that filled the room.

"Why are you here?" Maxwell snapped eventually with a huff. You swallowed as he stalked over to you, his gaze not breaking from you once. There was something primal in his walk. "Why… are you… here?"

He wished he could ignore the distracting erection in his pants. He didn't even know you. You were just a random girl who had come into his office demanding to see him, refusing to leave until he came. You were just a random girl who had got close with him, who had touched his face and dragged your hand down his body. Who… talked about naked men. Truthfully, Maxwell had never been with a woman who was quite like you, but things were starting to make sense for him. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if he were to just take you up to his private office.

Your throat felt dry and for the first time, you couldn't fathom words. His honeyed brown eyes were now dark and lust blown as he raised his hand to caress your cheek. You didn't even realise the way you subconsciously moved your face further into his hold and a wicked smirk crossed his lips. His hand was large and warm and his touch filled you with a sense of protection you didn't even think you needed. "Oh," Maxwell chuckled darkly. "I know what you want from me."

"You do?" you asked timidly, not even realising the hold he had you under. For a second, you'd forgotten why you were even here. You were so taken in by Max. You were feeling things you had never felt in your life for this man who had been haunting your every thought. He was so close to you, his breath fanned over your skin and you felt a sensation erupt between your legs. His presence was intoxicating, and he could say the same about you.

"But I can't," Maxwell shook his head, his gaze falling to your lips before dropping his hand from your face and taking a step back. He cleared his throat and looked away awkwardly, moving his hand down to his crotch trying to hide his arousal from you. "I… I should go."

There was an immediate feeling of guilt that washed over Maxwell. He'd gained reputation in the past for sleeping with women, namely his assistants and secretaries, and not shown them a slither of affection or care. He was a selfless lover and he could get away with it because he was rich, famous and attractive. But now he was none of those things. When he looked at himself in the mirror before heading to the playpark, his own appearance knocked him sick. The stress wrinkles setting in his forehead, the dark circles around his eyes… and he hadn't showered in a week. His hair was a mess and he couldn't even bring himself to check a whiff of his underarms. He didn't know you, but he sure as hell knew you deserved better than a man like him.

You were bright eyed, polite, and curious about the world around you. Not only that, you had demanded to see Maxwell just because you wished to check on his son and make sure he was okay. You had gotten very close to Max and not said a word about his bad hygiene or his tired eyes, instead, you looked at him with hope and admiration. Almost as if you believed that he could become a better man.

"Wait!" you called, reaching your hand out before Maxwell could walk away. "I'm sorry if- I'm sorry if this wasn't a good conversation for you. I've never spoken to a man before."

Maxwell titled his head and quirked an eyebrow. "You intrigue me," he admitted, pursing his lips slightly. His gaze fell from your face to the circle of rope attached to your belt. It didn't take long before he realised what it was— but no, it couldn't be. "What is that?" Maxwell asked, pointing at the rope as fear dripped from his tongue. He even took a few steps back.

You unravelled the rope and held it out for him to see. "This is the lasso of Hestia, it was my mother's. She gave it to me before I left for the world of man. Only two were made and this— this is the last one," you smiled a tearful smile at the memory of your mother. Diana had taken the other lasso, as well as the sword of Athena, back in 1918. "My mother Hestia is the goddess of Truth. And the lasso of Hestia compels any individual it uses to see the truth, or speak it," There was no telling what the expression on Maxwell's face showed. You frowned. "You still don't believe me, do you?"

The lasso had initiated a trauma response in Maxwell as you turned it on. He watched it glow yellow, the same yellow that Diana's lasso had glowed when she wrapped it around his ankle in the island bunker. He remembered her words; "See the truth." and his heart sank into the depths of his chest. That's when he saw Alistair.

Maxwell had always thought Diana Prince was strange. Ever since she told him she didn't own a TV— because who in the 1980s didn't own a TV? And who would deny a free 19 inch TV from Sears? But when she had followed him to Cairo with her pilot boyfriend and caused nothing but chaos in her red, blue and gold superhero outfit, he knew she was special. That she possessed powers. This was later reaffirmed in The White House, and then in the bunker as Maxwell tried to plot world domination and grant wishes to every citizen.

He looked at you behind all the mud and dirt, and he looked into your eyes. Could it be true? Could you be telling the truth? What if you were like Diana? Would he really want to be around someone like you?

Maxwell took a huff of air and wrapped the lasso around his wrist. You watched him, letting him do so. "Prove it." Max swallowed the lump in his throat that he hadn't even realised was there. You looked at him with hesitancy before nodding your head. If this worked, he has no reason not to believe you. A magical lasso… and it wasn't the first he had seen.

"What do you wish to see?" you asked Maxwell, your voice quiet. You didn't detach your gaze from his eyes once.

"Do you see what I see?" He asked, and you nodded your head in affirmation. Maxwell thought for a second, before remembering you had come all this way to Black Gold Cooperative just to see Alistair. At first, there was something deeply unsettling about it… but your presence made Maxwell feel safe. "Show me my son."

You closed your eyes and Maxwell followed your actions, and it wasn't long before your vision was clouded by the image of Alistair in his bedroom at Julianna and Theodore's house. Sitting at a desk, he was humming a song. Maxwell couldn't help but smile, recognising the song from the video game Alistair played with him earlier in the day. With an array of colourful crayons, he intricately sketched a drawing of a man with messy yellow hair and a tie, holding the hand of a smaller boy with black hair holding a teddy bear. He labelled the drawing ‘me and daddy’.

"Alistair sweetheart," Julianna called, peeking her head through the door that stood slightly ajar. "Dinner is ready," Alistair didn't look up once, continuing to rub pink crayon into his paper. "What are you drawing there?" Julianna asked, slipping into her son's bedroom and peering over his shoulder and the drawing.

"Me and daddy," Alistair mumbled, only half listening. He was too busy concentrating on adding the purple detailing on his daddy's socks.

"Oh sweetie, I told you that maybe, sometime, you could draw yourself and Theodore? You know, since he's your father too. He does so much for you Alistair, he takes you out to the movies, takes you to your piano lessons… he's a good guy," Julianna smiled, ruffling her son's hair. She pressed her finger into the yellow haired stick man wearing purple socks. "He's not a good guy."

Alistair furrowed his eyebrows, dropping the crayon to the paper and turning to face his mother. "My daddy is my hero." Alistair told his mother, his brown eyes wide and full of love.

Julianna didn't say a word. She stiffened up, standing tall and glared at her son's drawing. Her stare was so intense, you wondered if she was about to eject lasers from her eyes and set the paper on fire.

"Go eat your dinner." She finally said coldly, her words dripping with malice before barging out Alistair's bedroom.

The lasso of truth unravelled itself from Maxwell's wrist and you curled it back into your holster, clipping it in place on your belt. You looked up and noticed the tears that were pricking Maxwell's eyes.

"You- you probably shouldn't have seen all of that," Maxwell admitted, his voice croaking slightly as he tried to hold himself back from becoming a sobbing mess. "I'm not a hero."

You reached out and took the hand of the big-name businessman who was standing before you on the verge of tears. His hand was big, cold, and his fingers were calloused. You took him in both of your hands and rubbed soothing circles into his skin, desperately trying to provide him with warmth and comfort. His glazed brown eyes looked up at you with bewilderment as he wondered why you were being so nice to him. He was a monster, he deserved every bad consequence that would be coming for him. And yet, you treat him like a human. Even at the height of his career when he lived in riches and luxury, nobody had treated him with the politeness and love you were currently giving him — and you were a stranger. A stranger who was covered in mud with a magic lasso.

"Maybe you are a hero."

—-—-—

Permanent: @supernaturalgirl @phoenixhalliwell @ah-callie @luvzoria @stardust-galaxies @wickedfrsgrl @goth-topic @nerdypinupcrystal @wonderfulfluffer @kiwi-the-first @pedroepascal @castiel-barnes @honeymandos @rocketqueen @ladycumberbatchofcamelot @dybalalover10 @girl-obsessed-with-things @elena-myth @moth-guillotine @pedro-pascal-love @hayley-the-comet @pinkninja190 @maxiarapamaya @autumnleaves1991-blog @artsymaddie

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#pedro pascal #pedro pascal x reader #maxwell lord #max lord #maxwell lord x reader #max lord x reader #ww84

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