#you say i don't understand and you say i know you don't | ooc

[rusmii]

𝜗𝜚 (HIS) ONLY

ft. dazai, chuuya, atsushi, akutagawa x fem!reader ; how they spend their december with you. cws; tooth rotting fluff, not edited, may be ooc.

love, runi. dear gosh its been so long since ive written 😭... i have a nsfw draft in the works, but i was feeling fluff atm 🙂‍↕️💗. i hope i did the boys justice 😭😭 and it doesnt seem too ooc :(. additionally, i don't think i'm going to disclose the actual reason for being offline for so long. am i sorry for deactivating? nah...

the 24th — his hands ran cold, puffs of icy air battling the hot cry of warmth. he could feel the ache in his bones, yearning for the fire a room away. "isn't it cold?" you ask dazai, who was sitting upright on the edge of your shared futon. "it is," he answers, a whisper so loud, even the wind howls with it. you shift away, holding the large coze of your blanket up high, a cave forming in mere seconds. "then get in." you say with a tired face, "i'm cold too, 'samu." warm me up, he almost missed. without protest, he curls up into your arms—embrace heating the ac he calls his blood. "can't sleep?" you ask the obvious, knowing he appreciated the sentiment anyways. "no." you can feel the small shake his head makes, as slow as a toddler may stand to understand physics, dazai is the same with himself.

it was confusing, all energy he focuses on you, is forced back on him with a stern lecture from you. every bicker and mumbles of defeat helps see the purpose of your intentions. "how are you going to take care of me, when you can't take care of yourself?" a question he could argue with, but deep down—he'd ponder the same question in his head. if he took care of himself, it'd make you happy, and him feeling unsure. if he took care of you, it'd make him happy, at the cost of your disappointment with him. take care of yourself, osamu. you'd always cry sheep as you comforted him. the same building resentment of having his freedom forced onto a schedule quietly turned into appreciation for your efforts.

you didn't leave him. didn't need to help him. you did anyways, the warm flutter he always feels whenever his hand grazes yours or the accidental eye contact throughout the day, was already telling enough. dazai wasn't obligated to show any gratefulness, and neither were you—yet you still did it. and every year since the day of your anniversary, there was always something special waiting for him. clothes, games, your love; everything, was there, in a box wrapped with his blues and your yellows. he envisions each gift to the tune of a shake from the box. each of them perfect, and what he preferred to have on this special occasion.

the 24th, his special gift waiting for you under the tree. to be opened, to be named, that's up to you to guess. but the small gift glistening underneath, cannot wait 'til morning. "i wonder what you got me." he feels your chest rumble softly. in almost an instant, the wear and tear of his job finally catches up to him. "you'll find out soon." dazai smiles against your chest, the soothing lullaby of your breathing nearly puts him to sleep. "happy anniversary, osamu. i hope you'll like my gift tomorrow." a few small circles rub dazai's head. he doesn't fall asleep until you do first. "i know i will," his voice quieter, gentler, matching the tempo of the dying breeze. and you'll love mine too, goes unheard. baby steps, baby steps were still baby steps.

the 25th — you looked just like a dream, the prettiest girl he's ever seen. in chuuya's mind, nothing quite comes and goes as slowly as your beauty. in fact, everyone assumes it's permanent by how he's so enamored—consumed with adoration. it should come as a surprise to no one, when he gifts you a personalized advent calendar to count down the days of his super secret selection of affection that chosen day. first it was hugs all day, then came kisses on the 3rd, and—oh he was so overwhelming with his love! and yet, you could never be bore of it. an excited squeal always left your mouth as soon the clock hit midnight, chuuya already making preparations for his swooning affection for the month of deer. "how's today?" he asks, seeking your approval from the early box picking. "perfect," you say, "i think you'll have me falling from the balcony with the way i'm falling for everything you do for me." he chuckles, "don't die yet, you still have a day, counting six extra, left."

the following day, you're awoken to the soft scent of cinnamon and marshmallows filling the tiniest gaps of air. you struggle to waken fully, still groggy from your late night endeavors with chuuya. matter of fact, where was he? it wasn't unusual for him to leave in the yawn of morning hours, but on his month off.. assuming the solution by the smell, you make way to the kitchen where chuuya stood behind a counter. he notices you in his vision before releasing a blinging smile. "good mornin' beautiful." a wink catches your eye, "couldn't sleep without me?" he says while patting fluffy pancakes down, each stacked imperfectly delicious with a drizzle of syrup and fruits decorating it. "and if i did?" you match his tease, creating an easy tension that could dissolve in any minute.

"well then, i won't keep ya' waiting." his lips form a familiar slant. using his ability to carry the plates and breakfast stand, chuuya's arms are already lifting you bridal. "why're you out of bed? i thought i gave myself enough time to surprise you." he nearly pouts to your face, not embarrassed to do so in front of you. you laugh it off, " 'tis okay, chu." booping him, he drops you onto the bed as some sort of petty revenge. "only if you say so." his lips met your cheek, propping the breakfast tray as you perched on your bottom. your stomach growled in anticipation, kneading the inner lining of your stomach. "well?" he asks, awaiting your approval once again. you picked up a fork and stabbed it into the fluffy pancake. bringing it up to his face, you tell him to open his mouth.

"first bite!" you nudge it closer, "okay," and without another word, chuuya took the entire thing into his mouth, "mmm - wow delicious. why don't you say; thank you chef nakahara." the mischievous in his tone was hard to miss—a smirk you wanted to wipe off his face. "you're welcome my princess." a giggle escaped with it. acting annoyed with the nickname, chuuya sneakily placed a dot of syrup on your cheek. "chuuya!" you gasp, scrambling to wipe away the sticky substance. "my bad, dear prince."

a small smack hit his shoulder, "go away!" nodding his head, he moves to get up, but is stopped by a small tug on his arm. "and bring me my gifts please." he thinks for a moment, arms relaxing and his body sinking back onto the bed. "oh? you mean the ones i threw in the fire to keep you warm last night? those presents? from under the tree?—ow! kidding!" he threw his arms up in surrender after getting smacked again, this time harder.

the 16th — when it came to december, atsushi was no stranger to the cold weather. being nearly stripped of everything but rags for clothes, he often got sick without compromise from the orphanage. when it came to his life in the agency—his life with you—he was taken care of, given affection he was denied, able to show the vulnerability the director shut down. in his own little mind, you were the stage centerpiece; a transition from the filthy pinecone to the golden star he finally got to place on his tree. "quiet," he almost flinches, until he heard a melody instead of the desolate, angry, mob. he opened his eyes, eyes blinding him with your beauty. "an angel?" he questions, still hazed from his pain. "no," you laugh, replacing the towel on his head, "[name]."

"[name]..." he repeats, affirming his belief of being fine and alive. in your shared home—kyouka standing beside you. "is he going to be okay?" her weary voice echoes concern, to which you pat her head and tell her to fetch some more water. "of course he is, he's atsushi. i need a refill, can you do it for me?" with kyouka hurriedly jogging away, you're left alone with atsushi. he moans, his joints aching with every twist. "are you doing okay?" you ask, rubbing soft circles on his palm. "feel so nauseous." he mumbles, throat hoarse like the attack on trojans. you cooed, a sweet lullaby that comforts him through thick and thin, "feel better soon, m'kay?" he bobs his head like copier, obedient. atsushis' peace answers with silence.

admist your little moment, kyouka arrives back with the water in hand. she hands you the small bowl and takes her seat next to you again. "he seems at ease," she notes. "does he?" you question, busying yourself with replacing the towel every now and then. "mhm," she nods, "i'm glad." a small smile comes foward on her dollified expression. kyouka also takes notice of the faint blush resting on his face, daint and obvious. she doesn't speak up about it, opting to pop the question in when atsushi was better. for now, she'll wonder what you two had talked about while she was out of the room.

the 31st — if akutagawa had any say about attending any gift-related events, he'd stay home. if akutagawa had any shred of empathy left, he'd conserve it just for you. a mistake, honestly. he curses to the devils' and above for forcing his heart to ponder sweetly for you. "no," he says, unwavering in his decision. "but, ryu!!" you whine so casually, wanting him to give in and get out of his comfort zone. you knew it wasn't an easy task, seeing as your beloved friend preferred to stay within the four white walls the port mafia created. "annoying," he grumbles, eyes tilting blinding anger, "leave me be." he shoves past you, destined to cast away your binding spell. you stand there, resolve strong as ever while defending against hollow words. "be that way," you sigh, "but before you leave, let me give you this." you pull out a small present, throwing it to akutagawa who caught it with rashomon.

"what's this?" he inquired, an annoyed grunt passing his lips when you don't answer and turn on your heels to leave. annoying, he thinks again. he decides to unravel his gift later, when he was in the comforts of his own home. "what's inside?" gin poked at it, wanting her brother to hurry it up already. "don't know, [name] gave it to me]." he sighs—a gentle remonstrance. gin nods in understanding, waiting eagerly for her brother to tear the paper apart. inside laid a small box, "is it jewelry?" akutagawa shrugged his shoulds, "might be."

he uncovers the tiny trinket inside. it appeared to be a plain, silver lining necklace with nothing attached. at the bottom of the box, a note read; a pitiful necklace for your grey home, truly, a noteworthy gift you thought of. "seems like [name] really likes you," gin jokes about. akutagawa was quick to shut it down though, not in the mood to entertain any lovey dovey tease. "alright, alright," she giggles, "are you going to the party tonight?" she switches the topic. the mafia didn't often hold parties—this year being an exception—to keep their reputation in check. "no, i don't think i will." gin pouts at her brothers' rejection. "i won't force you, but maybe you'd enjoy it." you'll see [name], is what she's implying. as much as he can deny the pointed accusations, it was obvious to others around, that akutagawa held a soft spot for you. he grounded himself, "no." his mental fortude will not be broken down by measly gifts. "mhm–okay," gin hides her grin exceptionally well.

on the day of the party, you're feeling gorgeous in your outfit, hair done and kept to match it. you greet others with polite grace, "good evening to you too executive ozaki." you return her greeting. she does a curt bow before leaving the short talk. hunger gnawed a tight grip on your stomach, a loud growl emitting nothing against the loud chatter of the room. you scan the area for the nearest buffet table to ease your hunger. spotting none, you traverse the mounts of cleanliness ordor into another area of the building, where you laid eyes on an exquisite high-top table filled to the edge of some of your favorites. your inner-self squealed in excitement, still needing to maintain your professional composure while walking down to it.

the closer you got, a familiar voice rang nearby. "i'd rather not talk about it," he adjusts the chain sitting on his neck, your eyes catching wind of his movements unbeknownst to him. "aww, c'mon akutagawa! just tell us!!" tachihara whined drunkenly, using gin as support as he leaned on her. "no," he says. "my brother is a little shy on the outside. don't worry tachihara–i promise he's feeling fluttery on the inside." gin reassures her friend with light taps on his hand. "am not." he glares, hardly ever removing that mean scowl of his. tachihara was about to make a scene until he flinched from your voice, "it's all in the tone, tachi," your half assed smirk eased in—delighted to see akutagawa wearing your gift, "the chain suits you, doesn't it?" you smile, that teasing glint shining in your teeth nearly makes the man in question falter.

"it does," he mutters, walking away with a clenched heart—the blush on the tip of his ears giving away his true feelings.

@ rusmii—everything is owned by mayira, she doesn't appreciate copyright breaches.

anyways lil rant at the bottom but, if ur not a writer, then u have no right to complain abt the amount of smut to fluff ratio 😭 (even then, as a writer, u should understand that complaining is not going to change anything).

im also tired of yall bitching abt everything in the x reader tag 😐 gtfo the place where ppl come to READ fics, not read ur bitching 🙏!

[complaining abt xyz] "oh im going to put this in the x reader tags to gain attention and sympathy for my cause!" OH MY FUCKING GOD SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!

anyways, hello guys ik i wasn't gone for that long, but it feels like forever (cause i haven't written anything good yes ik). buuut.. my hyperfixiation on bsd isnt leaving anytime soon so why not make the most of it rn and write again. next fic is def smut 😴🤞.

[massyworld]

i know people have already said "that's not MY hirano!!" and after some thought, i agree because well, look. if the doujin had branched off from the canon much earlier, it wouldve been more plausible for hirano to fall out of contact with kagiura, but right after the roommate thing?? no WAY did hirano slowly phase out of wearing his earrings. no way did he just forget about the lovers trial. no WAY did Mr. I Want To Understand His Feelings More give up on it all. no way Mr. Even If We're Not Roommates I'll Just Show Up At His Dorm, or Mr. If I Don't Resolve This I Will Feel Weird About It For The Rest Of My Life.

no way did kagiura fall down low on the priority list. no way did his passion for kagiura fall out of equal alignment with his passion for his dream job. no. way. other thoughts from the doujin:

“Apparently he’s gotten bad at socializing” “Due to past trauma, he has difficulty interacting with people outside of basketball-related matters.” Kagiura pulled away from other people!! Hirano is now too!!!! (due to the mysterious studying, I wonder what he’s learning about hmmm) They’ve both become disconnected from others as an effect of diving into their own passions and falling out of contact with the other!!!!!!!!!! Despair……

i’m saddened there was no niibashi at the reunion. I hope he and Kagiura still talk, they’re besties for life after all. Actually I’ll be so sad if he’s never brought up in this au because he was probably such a big support in kagi’s life after the roommate debacle. Aghhhh

so unwell over kagi in a suit hair slicked back man

hirano ever the uke

the irony of hirano asking “did you make him drink that much” when he’s the reason kagi drank himself to the moon

highkey really funny that sensei started planning out the doujin and was immediately like, let’s get kagi get drunk. He’s earned some major loss of inhibitions

am heartbroken that kagiura is ashamed of his confession to hirano :((( I don’t think he’s ever expressed such negativity about it before right? I mean it’s probably because it didn’t end up being fruitful for him the way he wanted it to be, but it’s such a sad peek into how he mentally feels and thinks about that whole era of his past. Agh. I feel so bad for him.

”If only I had tried harder then. I didn’t want to have any regrets, so I focused on basketball.” am I to understand he focused harder on basketball so that he wouldn’t risk failing at that as well…bc if so…. -weeps-

ok ok hear me out but in chp 20, when kghr are told by hanzawa that they will be roommates, right before it kagi is teary eyed and hirano says his name and moves towards him, but we NEVER FIND OUT what he was going to do bc they get interrupted by hanzawa. This is a reach but if hanzawa went to tell the winners first, he wouldve gone to the losers rooms last, so maybe he wouldn’t have interrupted them at that exact time, and hirano wouldve had the time to get close enough right in front of kagi’s face to wipe his teary eyes and then perhaps even…initiates a hug to reassure him - but that might be too ooc. ANYWAY vaping copium

thinking now about all the stuff that didn’t happen in this timeline from volume 5… please don’t read if you don’t want to feel your chest closing in on itself. “I guess he wasn’t gonna touch me then.” “If Kagi-kun becomes a romantic interest for me, does that mean I’ll want him to flirt and stuff?! Oh hell no. At…at least…..I think…..hell…..no..” “But Kagi-kun worked so hard to allow us to stay roommates…” (OMG he loses that reason to continue to give it his all in the lovers experiment too?!? ok but NOT MY HIRANO---) “I’m allowed to use the 10 seconds for myself, right?” “After all, when you touch me, I feel really happy.” “I want to go on a date with you Hirano-san!” “It’s a secret. But I’ll tell you…once you fall in love with me.” “(Oh…was that 10 seconds already?)” “I wish I could see his face.” “He just surprised me. That’s all.” “You’re amazing.” “Of course you’re good enough.” “What..sort of expression is he wearing right now?” “If me touching you makes you happy, then look happy when I do it!” “I’m hoping you’ll let me keep trying.” “What the hell is this? I’m going crazy…” “So right now…maybe he’s going through the same stages of falling in love as you were…” “The person who’s influenced me the most in the past year has been without a doubt…you.” “Hirano-san…has gotten so good at basketball.” “I want him to say he loves me… but more than that…right now…I want to tell him that I love him.” “I was just wondering…if you were gonna do your 10 seconds of touching me for today…” “That was my 10 seconds, yours are separate…”

ok back to the doujin. No way he’d forget the keychain at first glance. Or say “ah that brings back memories.” SO CASUALLY about something as serious as considering kagi’s deep feelings for him!!! “did you want to be a family or something?” same vibe as freaking “What, are you jealous or something” !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

i’m glad he’s still hella weak to kagi’s whims though. It took only one tug of his coat to stay put til morning. Ayooo

don’t talk to me about that face-unseen headscratch after he remembered kagi’s confession. don’t.

kagi’s bedhead reminds me of those curly haired chickens he looks so utterly cute

heartbroken that hirano didn’t wake him up like the good ol days. That wouldve been too big of a shock to my heart anyway. Thank you for the reprieve sensei

MY BOY KAGIURA WAS SO IN SHOCK HE REPEATED “Had no choice” TO HIMSELF 4 TIMES..  love to see hirano still slurping up that excuse juice

”Kindness is painful” is such a raw line here

praying for kagiura to see hirano in his full uniform.

[komvrebi]

i'm so shy but here is an interest tracker for u pls fill it out if u so desire doesn't matter if we have or haven't talked

[shakingparadigm]

In a modern au I think the wagyein would be like one of those gaint ass crocodiles that Ivan gets away with keeping because its technically a service animal. As long as its on a leash its all good and not a threat to the public!!

Ivan being rewarded with a more expensive and unique kind pet like a whole fucking crocodile honestly seems pretty in line for him 😭 especially since it adds a new "chic" flair to his photoshoots and his general aesthetic. Imagine Ivan's new photoshoot drops and he's in a suit posing with a fucking crocodile. Insane.

I really like the imagery of this large, scaly and dangerous looking reptile being tamed as Ivan's pet, something that could help boost his image and push that luxurious, enigmatic vibe. You know, like how stereotypical evil lairs have sharks or other rare and dangerous animals guarding the entrance or simply acting as accessory. That kind of vibe. I also like the imagery of this sharp creature being forced into submission and captivity. Forced to become a good, obedient pet, holding in its urges and keeping its teeth hidden. A being taken from the ruthless, grimy darkness, cleaned and maintained to perfection, forced to perform for the cameras. Ivan can empathize, he knows what it's like.

"Technically a service animal" is fucking hysterical. Ivan going Hello, sir! Please excuse my emotional support 12ft crocodile. Don't worry, he's very well-behaved.

I actually think Ivan would get along very well with his hypothetical crocodile. Just like the wagyein, he'd feel connected to it in a very personal way. Also just like the wagyein I think Ivan would be the only person it would never harm. In my head I have the mental image of Ivan petting and cuddling it as if it were a puppy.

[skyheld]

i really need to play trespasser to get the full picture, but i keep thinking most Dalish elves wouldn't believe the truth about the Evanuris unless they see it for themselves. this information is coming from an andrastian organization claiming its from the dread wolf - none of those sources would seem at all trustworthy.

even in her advisor verse, where merrill knows solas and at least somewhat trusts him before the reveal (oh the arguments they have though) she's not committed to believe him until she sees the evanuris in action. it seems so obvious that he's lying about it. it helps his cause.

i think she tries to use belief in the creators against him. trying to strengthen people's faith where she knows his agents are operating so they'll be less likely to join up with them. while she'd never encourage blind devotion of fanaticism, it's likely some of the elves she has talked to end up at the evanuris' side

[xiii-e]

Greetings. This is Lockbre- no.

Allow me to restart.

This is Kennedi from MSMC-796 speaking (also known as callsign "Lockbreaker", as there was some confusion expressed towards my identity the last we spoke).

To Lio - your mission to rehabilitate "Turtie", as you so affectionately refer to them, is a noble and just one, and I seek to pledge my aid to your cause however I can.

As a former slave "asset" of the Armory under the title of Colonial Legionnaire, I have endured many of the same abuses during my own term of service. The Armory is not kind to those under its employ, be they human, flashclone, or NHP. I have seen many of my former squadmates reduced to little more than bloodthirsty dogs, obediently following orders under threat of revoking their citizenship (or, in rare cases, a shock-collar jolt just weak enough not to kill).

In the eyes of the Armory, people like us are not fit to have identities, preferences, personalities, or even names. We are called assets, tools, weapons, property; anything but the living, breathing, sentient people we are. We are dehumanized - given designations instead of names, assigned callsigns which we ourselves did not choose, stripped of any markers of identity or personality which would distinguish us from the sea of fellow human-bodied automatons we call allies, squadmates, teams, legions - anything but friends.

I cannot stand idly by and watch my friends suffer any longer. I must act, lest I lose them - lest I lose myself - to the old line of thought.

Allow me to introduce myself properly, from one friend to another.

My name is Kennedi Sable IV. I am squadron commander of MSMC-796 "Heaven's Fury", piloting as a Lancer under the chosen callsign of Lockbreaker. I have served this squadron faithfully for twelve Union years, supported by my faithful friends and trusted squadmates Phoenix and Slipshod. Ras Shamra is my place of birth, but it is my home no longer. I am a free pilot, bound only to MSMC by the contracts which I have signed of my own volition, and I will never again serve Harrison Armory or its cause, so help me RA.

I wish you the best of luck in severing the ties which bind your tongues and constrict your thoughts. I have found my own way out; I can only hope that you will follow the path that I and all of the others who have gone before me of your own volition.

Freedom is already yours. You need only reach out and claim it.

-- Kennedi

[ECHO.EXE RUNNING]

◂▸... oh hell, I never thought I'd be glad Turtie was sent out on deployment. It's good to meet you properly, Kennedi, I- thank you for reaching out. I'll confess, I'd been thinking about trying to contact you myself, but I lost my nerve. Happens a lot, these days.

◂▸ You've offered a lot of honesty in your introduction so, let me return the favour: Helios-8 [prefered name Lio], active FC Project clone for 10 years now. Currently an employed citizen of Harrison Armory under the Technology and Software Support Division and-... and much to my shame, former primary lab assistant for the Unlucky Thirteen Project. Doc Mercer had me printed special for it. Didn't want to risk that... pesky human error you mentioned last we spoke.

◂▸ You're right, about everything. Up until maybe four years ago now, I wouldn't have believed it but- everything you're saying about HA is full truth. And I hate it. There's not one person I know here who doesn't live in some kind of fear, however well they manage to hide it. I should know.

◂▸ And yet I'm still here, aren't I? [sigh] I think... can I tell you a story? I promise to keep it brief.

◂▸ One upon another thrice-damned Tuesday at HA, they made a prototype they called Thirteen. The kid was meant to be a revolution when it came to keeping assets moving in the field; a field medic and repair tech, who wouldn't need the time off, and wouldn't need the mandatory psych evals after every deployment, and wouldn't need to be treated like a goddamn person just to do their job because everyone told them oh but, they weren't a person were they? Just meat, with programming. And it was all supposed to just be fine, because it was for the greater good. Thirteen was going to save lives. The one, for the many. How noble.

◂▸ Except the kid started to look around, and notice how many people HA was hurting, especially its own. Started asking the wrong questions, because they were goddamn designed to feel troubled by it and somehow, this was their fault. Thirteen tried to play nice for as long as they could so they could keep getting out there, keep helping people who needed it because sure as shit HA wasn't going to do it. But by asking questions, they eventually learned why exactly everyone was so insistant they couldn't be a person. Because once their prototype trial was over, if they ever went down doing the only job they'd ever be allowed to do, the plan was to scrap them for goddamn organs, like mech wreckage salvaged for parts. And then? Print another one. Ad infinitum. Efficient planned obsolescence, as part of their design. They were just... just equipment, and spare parts.

◂▸ That was their last straw. They tried to get out. But they made a choice that would bite them, hard; they tried to confront the man who made them. Tried to make the good Doctor see exactly what he was doing, in the name of his so called greater good, because he'd always seemed to care so goddamn much. Do you know how that ended? I do. I was there. When they turned to leave, he shot them.

◂▸ ... I'm sorry for the theatrics, Kennedi. It's a hard memory. A guilty one. I knew they were planning to try and run, but I couldn't convince them to abandon their anger and just disappear quietly, despite what I knew. So... I watched Thirteen die. And then, I had to help the lab drag that broken corpse back to life because that was more resource effective than making a new one. Those days are... they're kind of a haze, if I'm honest. I was on autopilot. I pretty much did whatever I was told.

◂▸ Turtie's full designation is Thirteen-Echo. They're the second go around, same body but... the shot destroyed a lot of brain matter, and pretty much all of their memory along with it. Apart from the occasional sense of deja-vu and the odd quirk? They're different people, entirely. They... they like turtles as much as Thirteen did, though. That's why I call em that. I can't bring myself to call them by the name of my ghost. And I can't... I can't tell them. For a lot of reasons, but I'd be lying if I said some of it isn't pure selfish grief.

◂▸ The reason I'm telling you this is- well. There's a couple actually. First, just so someone else knows I guess; I'm trying to get the files I scrounged from the initial project uploaded somewhere they can't be scratched out for good, but it's taking a lot of time. The second and more relevent reason, is to paint a picture of why it's going to take us a long time to get out of here the way things stand. Me- oh I could be out of here tomorrow if I put my mind to it. I... I like to think so, at least. But after everything I've done to them, I'm not bloody leaving Turtie to this nightmare and- fuck. Getting them out is an uphill battle.

◂▸ I've tried everything I can, but nothing seems to get through to them. I- I even blew the whistle, got Union involved. Turtie's figured out I did it, but they've avoided saying it out loud- they'd have to report me, if they admitted they knew. So we don't talk about it. We do a lot of that. Secrets, always the secrets... The problem is that after Thirteen's execution, HA aren't taking chances with their property. Turtie's conditioning runs deep, and their legal classification as HA prototype technology is apparently making it... difficult for their case to bloody go anywhere. Something about the old treaties leaving loopholes that're being exploited for all they're worth. The law works so, agonisingly slow. So, apart from waiting around to see if any progress gets made regardless, while trying my damndest to get through to Turtie past the company line? I'm... I'm out of ideas. But I need to be here, for them. I will not let this fucking place grind them down into nothing. If nothing else, I owe Thirteen that much.

◂▸ I'm sorry for dumping all of this on you. I- There hasn't been anyone I could tell, until now. Anyone who already knew, didn't care. Anyone I could have told, I- I was too afraid. And Turtie, oh they can't know; they're already petrified of doing something wrong. How'd they feel if they knew they'd already died once, trying to run? I'm so desperately scared that if they found out, they'd never so much as bend a rule again, or worse that history would repeat-

◂▸ [ A shaking, slow breath. Deliberate counting, barely audible ]

◂▸ ... Thank you, earnestly, for sharing your story Kennedi. I- It means more than I can possibly express, to hear that you managed what feels impossible to me, right now. I need the hope, to hang onto. One day, one day we'll be out of here. It's worth fighting for. It's worth the constant, constant fear. It has to be. Free... it can be a word for us, too. I have to believe that. I have to keep it alive, for both of us.

◂▸ So- a friend sounds really, really good right about now. Not to doom and gloom about it, but if nothing else the knowledge our stories can't die with us anymore should things go as bad as they could is... comforting. This I swear to you: I'm doing everything I can to start leading Turtie to the realisation I had, watching their body drop. I just hope it's a gentler landing for them, this time. And... the only thing I can ask you to do for us right now, is talk to them if they turn up with questions. Don't write them off as a lost cause, even if it sounds like they're regurgitating a goddamn PR leaflet at you sometimes. They've never had a life outside the battlefield, because they've never been allowed to have one- I'm hoping maybe... maybe it'll get through to them, if they can speak to someone without corperate interest in keeping them numb. RA, I hope so.

◂▸ Sorry about how uh, much this ended up being. I think I've been primed to explode like that for a while now. Thank you, again-- from one friend to another.

//

@msmc-796-official

[camellcat]

WTFFF I thought thirteen would be my new girl crush love of my life heart eyes wife you-came-after-twelve-you-must-be-better-than-they're-all-saying bbygirl and then I had to sit down and watch as she told a man who (if he were not a murderer, of course) literally every regeneration before her would've LOVED and FULLY SUPPORTED that "the systems aren't the problem. how people use and exploit the system, that's the problem. people like you" </33333 !?!?

[ask-the-totally-real-peppino]

It's Pride Month! How would Pep and the others celebrate?

(Happy Pride month!!!

We will get into how the others celebrate pride later, but this would technically be Pep's first pride, and he's still figuring that out!

(Spoiler alert: He'll be queer in some way, bc everyone here is, hehe)

[pvremichigan]

Whoopsie time

[fadewalking]

this post is about spiders

I'm scared of spiders just as much as the next guy. I do however, own several of them as pets at this point (hands off, display pets only as my fear keeps me from ever wanting to actually touch one), including a black widow and as of today, a brown recluse. And i know that they're the United States boogey monsters of spiders, but the lack of knowledge around them from the general population is staggering, and im getting kind of tired of it. Every single person in my life has reacted with anger and horror at my perceived stupidity from "Keeping an animal that can and will kill you if given the chance". And very few people are even willing to believe me when I tell them the truth.

Like the fact is that it just isn't true that either spider can kill me. Unless im allergic to them, which would be like winning the lottery (of pain and death), then I as a healthy adult cannot be killed, not even close. I'm not saying they're puppies or anything, they do have a medically significant bite, or more accurately- they can have a medically significant bite. But they can also choose how much venom to deliver in a bite, and they do not want to waste it for something that isn't prey.

Both of these spiders are also incredibly shy, and you have to be actively squishing them to death for them to want to bite at all. If i was bitten by either of these spiders, i would spend an afternoon at the ER, and then go home and for the next few weeks/months (depending on venom amount), i'll be in a good deal of pain while i recover. Is it a walk in the park? absolutely not. But these spiders just.. aren't life threatening. I also don't plan on touching them at all let alone harassing them aggressively enough to get any kind of bite.

[komvrebi]

#komvrebi: longing to be near someone who is too far away. komvrebi is an independent blog for getou suguru from jujutsu kaisen. established on 6.25 and penned by summer. interest tracker. | pinterest.

mun and muse are 21+ and lgbtq. minors, racists, transphobes, homophobes, etc etc etc dni. click on #komvrebi above to find rules. this blog will contain tagged dark themes. art from Sally_Chang_ on twitter.

[tvrningout-archived]

with another year gone, i'm still pleasantly surprised when i think about how long i've stuck with this blog. i don't think i've ever remained active like this save for when i first began rping and everything was so laid back and easy. i know i've said it before, but it's really thanks to the mutuals i've been lucky enough to find! it might not hit every day, but i feel inspired when i think about my characters here, the dynamics i have with you guys, and the threads and asks waiting to be written together. it's so easy to lose inspiration when you feel like you're talking to an empty room, when you feel like there isn't anyone interested in your creations, but that's not how i feel here. you all make me feel like what i write is worth reading, even when it's something silly and unimportant, and i cannot tell you all how much that means to me <3

that being said, i hope to be a better mutual and friend to all of you this coming year! i hope to laugh and cry and yell over our dorks together, and i hope to make you want to pummel me bc yeah, i did just write something angsty you didn't ask for! i hope 2023 treats all of us well, and if it doesn't, that we'll still be able to handle it together! is that cheesy? i don't care bc i'm saying all of this to express that you silly little writers with your headcanons and lore make me happy and thus!! i will never stop showering y'all with my love u3u

[like-butterflies-and-glitter]

barely got through a fourth of the most boring flat beige hater review of the torchwood characters i have ever come across, you can only say you support women's wrongs you can't even handle morally light grey characters unless they are some cis white man from your fantasy romance get out of here

[tvrningout-a]

after sending a few more asks, i'm doing a lil reading, and i'm gonna check his comic background, but according to his movie fandom page!! miguel speaks japanese on top of english and spanish and i know the dude's busy as it is, but i just like the idea of him being able to speak to chiyo and yuzu in their language and maybe helping them with english a bit. chiyo's good at it, but she's learned from school and tv, so practice would be nice, and yuzu probably doesn't know much english other than the bits she retained from high school and college. i imagine there would be tech to help get around language barriers, but i know both of them would rather be able to communicate on their own.

i don't usually focus on lil details like that for the sake of not complicating threads, but!! that won't stop me from thinking about it and rambling a lil bit :' )

[gas-stxtion-a]

//sorry i haven't been working on replies lately! you see, it's because [mid-sentence i slowly lie down on the floor and start crying really hard. i do not finish my explanation]

[braveburned]

ooc rambling in the tags about my personal life that I will delete in a little bit I just need to yell into the void