#you release a new modern and expect us to take turns?

[read-marx-and-lenin]

Are you a Tankie?? Do you think the USSR was a good nation? Do you maybe even defend Stalin somewhat, not just Lenin? Do you support Mao or ''commuist" nations in the modern age like China or North Korea? I think Commuism is a good ideology, but anytime it's been attempted alongside a government, it's been used as an excuse to control and oppress people. I think it can only work feasibly under anarchy because a government will never release control of its citizens.

I used to be an anarchist myself. I'm not going to say there's some magic phrase that will convince you to become a "tankie" like me, but I will say that if you haven't read some of the core works by Marx, Engels, or Lenin, you should give them a try sometime. "State and Revolution" especially. There is no magic "abolish the state" button that can be pressed to do away with all authority in one stroke. The material conditions must be changed first before the state can disappear.

I would also recommend checking out Pat Sloan's "Soviet Democracy", and pretty much anything by Anna Louise Strong but especially The Soviets Expected It, The Stalin Era, and In North Korea. On the subject of North Korea, you should also watch the democracy "Loyal Citizens of Pyongyang in Seoul".

There is a lot of propaganda surrounding actually existing socialism in the West, and it is important to separate truth from fiction. People do not fight in revolutions only to turn around and accept new oppressors. Every currently existing socialist state is democratic, and that includes the DPRK. Democratic does not mean ideal, but it does mean that people have a say in who is running the government. Even more than that, in every existing socialist state the people have the right to recall elected officials at any time, something which is not guaranteed in most bourgeois democracies, including the US.

Can you imagine members of the ruling party meeting with the people directly on a regular basis to discuss and debate the issues that matter most to the people in the US or any other bourgeois democracy? Can you imagine government officials whose top priority is the material welfare of the most disadvantaged citizens? You look at government meetings in China, in Cuba, in Vietnam, in Laos, and in North Korea, and that is what you see time and time again. That is the crux of politics in these countries, the material conditions of the people and how to improve them. They are dictatorships of the proletariat and thus the proletariat are the class for which the state exists to benefit.

Finally, you should read the 1986 paper "Capitalism, socialism, and the physical quality of life" by Cereseto & Waitzkin. While it is nearly 40 years old, it used World Bank data (clearly not a source biased in favor of communism) to demonstrate how on average socialist economies outperformed capitalist ones at similar levels of economic development in terms of actual material conditions for the average citizen. Being 40 years old, it also has the advantage of comparing data at a time when the number of socialist nations was at its highest. If you want to see more recent examinations that take a similar approach, you should read any papers by the economist Jason Hickel, but especially his 2016 paper "The true extent of global poverty and hunger", where he demonstrates that capitalism has by and large failed to improve material conditions outside the imperial core, and that the only nations that buck the trend in the developing world are the ones who have rejected neoliberal economic policy, most notably China, whose socialist economy has been responsible for the vast majority of people lifted out of poverty in the last decades.

[sicksadgames]

As the Sun Forever Sets - Terror in the time of the Telegraph

It’s nuts I’ve been working on this game for over 4 years at this point. As the Sun Forever Sets is for sure my biggest and most capital G Game. It even has a publisher and everything. It’s also my first game! Wow! It's been tough, though. We'll get into it!

Britain, 1899

As the Sun Forever Sets is a survival horror sandbox based on the War of the Worlds, utilises the Forged in the Dark ruleset, and is about ordinary people surviving a Martian invasion of Victorian era Britain. We play to find out how they rise to meet the storm of destruction, the ways in which it shapes them, and if they survive to see a new world emerge, or die amidst the rubble of the old.

In the last years of Queen Victoria’s reign, the British Empire stretches across a quarter of the globe, and under the guise of genteel progress and civilisation, it commits theft and murder on a global scale. Britain itself is on the verge of the modern era, the Second Industrial Revolution pushing people into the cities to drive the factories and forges owned by the greedy industrialist class. But beyond the common causes of humanity and unbeknownst to the men who impose their rule over it, vast wheels have begun their inexorable turning. Across 40 million miles of void, the Martian invasion hurtles Earthward. Screaming across the stars, instruments of annihilation unlike anything believed possible lie ready for assembly, alongside the Martians themselves. They are truly inscrutable beings, but their intent is as clear as it is terrible – they will suck the literal and figurative blood from the Earth, and nothing less than the complete and utter subjugation of humanity will be enough.

If this sounds cool to you... well, you gotta wait, it’s not done yet. Sorry! But you can come and hang out in the Sick Sad Games discord, where I post excerpts and occasionally organise playtests.

The Hard Times of (Old) England

Be warned, this is a long one - over 4000 words (if you don't have a Tumblr account, you won't get to the end before it starts bugging you to register one, so go read this on Medium instead.) It turns out when you work on a game for a long time, you have a lot to say about it. Strap in, grab your gin and laudanum, and let’s destroy an evil empire just by existing.

Thanks to the wonderful @hendrik-ten-napel for taking a look over my disorganised thoughts.

(Potential) Spoilers for: The Bear, The War of the Worlds, The Last of Us, Children of Men, Threads, When the Wind Blows, Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs, The Thing.

Roleplay in the Pre-Post-Apocalypse

TTRPGs love a good post apocalypse. It's understandable - gas up and ride glorious on the legally distinct fury road, run a commune of like minded weirdos in the ashes of the old world, go digging through retro-futuristic ruins to find retro-futuristic treasures. Who wouldn't want to do any of these? But As the Sun Forever Sets is about an apocalypse as it begins, not after it’s over. 

There's a lot of crossover, of course. There’s a focus on similar things - disaster and spectacle, relationships and trust, scavenging and survival. But the bonus of the world not yet being over, is that we get to roleplay out dealing with that terrible, inexorable reality.

HG Wells wrote a book about blowing up all the places he used to live, and it's a banger. I was surprised to find there wasn't a TTRPG based on the War of the Worlds, being the tantalisingly public domain ur-alien invasion story it is. As the Sun Forever Sets is very explicitly an adaption of it, to the point that before I came up with the name it almost got released as The War of the Worlds: The Roleplaying Game (lol). I'm glad I didn't, doing my own thing has meant both me and the people playing are way more free to fuck around without the expectation that it must adhere to a canon.

The book is good, strikingly modern feeling in parts, and obviously massively influential - so much science fiction can be traced back to our nameless Narrators tormentuous trek across the south of England. But Wells’ prose is typical Victorian - overly wordy and florid (any book that contains the word “ejaculating” meaning “to shout” might be difficult for readers who aren’t used to the style), so when it comes to recommending an actual adaptation, there’s only one true king. Whenever I bring up Jeff Wayne’s The War of the Worlds, the usual reaction from anyone outside of the UK is to say "... they made a what?"

My mom was very keen to get me into musicals, but nothing really stuck until she tried this, the secret best War of the Worlds adaption (sorry Steven Spielberg, but you were doomed from the start.) It's the bombast and drama you'd expect from a disaster film, the horror and pathos of Wells’ classic, all expressed through vivid narration and sick nasty prog rock - wailing guitar and crunchy 70's synths operating at full effect. It's not completely faithful to the book, it doesn't matter. It’s the best.

Ah yes, the film bro's favourite mid 2000's film. Did you see that sick oner? That’s six minutes without a cut, that means the film’s good right? Children of Men is a slow burn apocalypse, dressed up like a world that’s already ended. Plenty has been written about all the little ways the film is prescient about the state of the UK - the slow belly-crawl into facism and nationalist fervour, the particularly British decay and class divide exacerbated by the desperate times, even the willful ignorance and the explicit sense that everyone’s just given up, it’s all here.

All that thematic stuff seems like it’d be really relevant to As the Sun Forever Sets, right?

Unfortunately, we are in fact here to talk about the long takes. The unbroken moment-to-moment action scenes evoke The War of the Worlds to a tee. Theo navigates danger with the same fraught tactical tension as War of the World's Narrator - dashing between doorways, groping for an axe handle in the darkness, desperately trying to start a car as assailants sprint towards him. What’s the best way out of this situation? How do I get from here to where I need to be? He lives his life in rolling, fleeting 5 second intervals, because he’s forgotten what it means to think in the long term - about the future, and what it might hold.

I was always fascinated and terrified by the idea of nuclear war. I guess it comes from watching a lot of 90’s disaster movies, but those are often ultimately fun romps where the day gets saved at the end, or at least the main characters find themselves alive and well at the end of the saga of destruction. Instead, As the Sun Forever Sets asks you to reflect on the horror and sadness present at the end of the world. Things are going to change forever, and change is always hard.

There’s not many clips of Threads and When the Wind Blows online, so it’s a little hard to demonstrate their particular nuclear inflected pitch black darkness. They’re grim - Grave of the Fireflies grim - differing in focus but united in their horrible impact.

When the Wind Blows is a story of an elderly couple living in rural England when the bombs drop, based on the comic by Raymond Briggs. Yes, The Snowman’s Raymond Briggs made a film about 2 lovely grandparents dying of acute radiation poisoning. Jim and Hilda are completely unprepared for what’s to come, their only reference is the Blitz - terrible in its own way, but not a patch on the scale of death they’re about to experience.

They survive the blast and wait for the good old British Government to arrive to save them, as it did in the 40’s. Slowly liquifying in the nuclear fallout, they hold onto each other and keep their spirits up, eventually making the decision to clamber into the paper sacks they mistakenly believed might protect them from the blast. Clutching their medical cards and birth certificates (for the ambulance, sure to be along any minute now), Jim mumbles painfully through a final prayer that morphs into a misremembered Charge of the Light Brigade, and they slip into a perpetual slumber together.

The most tragic part is Jim and Hilda’s unshakeable faith that their government is there for them - ready to catch them when they fall - borne out of Britain’s post WW2 renewal but absent in the 1980’s of the film’s plot, and the Britain of today. It’s a masterful film, shockingly sad, but the shock is the point.

Instead of aiming for your heart, Threads aims for the head. It’s a drama that aims to be as accurate as possible to government research into what a nuclear war might look like, plainly and forensically setting it out without any thought of softening these hard facts for its audience. Rather than focusing on a personal story, Threads flits around several groups of characters - minor government figures and ordinary families. Like Jim and Hilda, they too are woefully unprepared for the end of the world, and those in charge know there’s no way the UK could ever be ready for such a thing.

As mundane life is quietly intruded upon by news updates detailing far off geopolitics and the subsequent escalation that leads to war, the tension rises subtly then suddenly, like a spacecraft on the launchpad. People we’ve seen pottering about their normal lives are maimed and evaporated in the subsequent shocking nuclear exchange, whilst stark statistics flash on the screen - the hundreds of thousands instantly killed, how long the millions more fatally irradiated have left to live, the woefully inadequate tonnage of stockpiled food to feed those who survive. Each zero hits like a gutpunch.

And when you think the film must nearly be over, it keeps going. 1 week later. 1 year later. Threads grinds to an excruciating halt 13 years after the bombs fall, after year upon year of failed harvests from a destroyed earth barely able to support a population level equivalent to medieval Britain. At one point, mute children watch a warped and scratchy VHS of classic kids educational programme Words and Pictures on a TV powered by a steam generator.

The friendly presenter spells out the word “cat” through the thick veil of static, accompanied by a picture of one - an animal the children watching will likely never see. As they watch with blank, emotionless faces, the image of the cat fades to one of its skeletal form. “A cat’s skeleton” the presenter enthusiastically intones. The unrelenting bleakness might feel like a punishment, but Threads doesn’t mean it to be. This is just what would happen, after all.

Love in the time of the Heat-ray

In fact, someone in a Reddit thread said As the Sun Forever Sets “wasn’t just endless misery” and I’m glad that comes across. I wanted there to be moments of tenderness, quiet joy, anger, frustration, love and loss to punctuate the action and the horror.

People are messy and complicated even at the best of times. Under pressure, this is amplified a thousandfold - a little crush becomes a whirlwind romance, small disagreements become full blown fights, and not fully understanding someone might transform them into an enemy in your head.

The little town Bill conspires to be left alone in ends up comparatively untouched by the horrors going on elsewhere, as untouched as anywhere can be in The Last of Us. He hated the world anyways - so he isolates himself as he prepares for it to end, and it makes sense that his life only really begins as the show does. When Frank arrives, Bill is forced not to just engage with the broader world outside of his little enclave, but in the act of truly living in it.

There’s no prepper’s guide to romance. A human heart can’t be field stripped for maintenance. By choosing to exist as a vulnerable, emotional being, Bill opens himself up to a different kind of apocalypse. Frank becomes the flowering vines that slowly crack the flat concrete wall of a world that Bill created, and when those vines die, the wall can only crumble. It’s so fraught and lovely, delicately yet absolutely gut wrenching. At least their apocalypse was one they decided to have together.

“I’m old. I’m satisfied. And you… were my purpose.” - "Long Long Time”, The Last of Us

While several of my TTRPG writing friends were gushing about how great The Bear is, Em Acosta, author of the wonderfully inspirational Exile pointed out something super interesting - a lot of the show is about how you deal with people you’ve found yourself stuck with. No matter how much they piss you off, or whatever they do wrong, there’s something that means you can’t ever let them truly exit your life. They’re there, like it or not, until the bitter end.

Turns out this is very similar to how As the Sun Forever Sets handles Player Character relationships. In both it and The Bear, nothing’s ever truly resolved between characters - every relationship is like a cooking pot perpetually simmering. You might’ve apologised, made a truce, or just ignored your issues for so long that they seem to disappear, but no matter what, you’ve got to keep your eye on that pot.

Because suddenly a crisis will hit, and someone says something, or a diceroll comes up bad and all of a sudden the pot boils over and things are once again fucked. You storm out, start screaming, throw a fork. Even in the worst case scenario where a Character leaves because they’re absolutely sick of the rest of the group, they might show up at the end of the game for one last scene. Who knows how you’ll all feel at the end - nothing is ever truly fixed, and only the dead are truly broken. 

“I quit, chef, is what’s going on. You are an excellent chef. You are also a piece of shit. This isn’t on me. Goodbye." - “The Review”, The Bear

I’ve talked about The Thing a little before, John Carpenters sweaty, paranoid antarctic masterpiece. Along with the incredible effects and the (mostly) restrained use of action and bombast, the thing that makes... The Thing work is that the staff of the stricken research base lack any and all emotional intelligence.

It’s sort of the ultimate reverse Dudes Rock movie. Nobody knows anything about each other, so when their bodies and minds are colonised by the titular chameleon from outer space, they’re just another stranger to the rest of the crew. I’d ask you a question only you would know the answer to, but uh.. I don’t know anything about you. Whoops!

Over the course of the film, the whole operation falls apart as they try their best to work together to deal with the alien interloper, but their complete lack of ability to trust or relate to each other - present even before the crisis they find themselves in - is their ultimate downfall.

That final excellent shot of MacReady and Childs sat in the snow at the end of the film as their compound burns around them is the subject of a lot of unnecessary theorycrafting youtube videos, which kind of misses the point. Each suspects the other, but ultimately it doesn’t matter if one of them’s a Thing. One stranger is the same as another. Why bother getting to know each other now?

“Well...What do we do?” “Why don't we just... wait here for a little while? See what happens.” - Childs and Macready, The Thing

Science Fiction Revenge Fantasy

I’m not a historian, but the parallels between 1899 and now are pretty plain to see. Increasing class disparity, a lack of political will to help those in need, rampant cronyism and profiteering. As long as you’re in the place for it, roleplaying in a fictionalised version of the past to air out the issues of the present can be super fun and cathartic. You’re not expected to get a degree in British history to make it work, either.

The title is a play on the phrase “The Sun Never Set on the British Empire”, and it’s plainly stated in the book that Britains Empire acted as a mechanism of genocidal oppression, and that the Martians are here to end it - intentionally or not. It’s appealing as a premise on the face of it, but it goes a little deeper. Memories of Empire echo across time in Britain like the ringing of a malevolent bell, a cause celebre for braying Tories and fascistic right wing cunts (two very close circles in the venn diagram.)

We used to be a great country before this woke nonsense. Things were better back in the old days. The DEI contingent is trying to destroy our noble past. Yada yada yada, fuck offff. I’m sure someone somewhere will accuse me of “wokewashing” the past for including explicitly trans and queer characters as part of the book, along with the historical facts around how we fit into the oppressive Victorian conception of sex and gender. Unfortunately for them, we’ve always been here.

To be a little pretentious about it, every game of As the Sun Forever Sets reaches back into the past and cuts the myth of a glorious and benevolent Empire, and the good old days enjoyed within it off at the neck, purely in the act of beginning one. That sparks a little joy for me. Destroying a racists dream is fun, even if it’s only in the abstract.

A horror game about the most literalist Victorian industrialist imaginable hearing the phrase “Eat the rich” and getting right on that. I’ve not played Amnesia: A Machine for Pigs despite fond (??) memories of playing The Dark Descent in a room full of jumpy friends, and seeing Dear Esther played live on stage, with a live orchestra and narrator - an exquisite way to experience that game.

The mechanical chops of Frictional Games mixed with the narrative verve of The Chinese Room, how could this game be anything less than incredible?

After The Dark Descent I fell off’ve the “scary guy chases you around” genre of game until Alien: Isolation revitalised it, and the reviews of A Machine for Pigs were mixed - kind of boring, middling gameplay, too dark - so I never went back. I was planning on writing a little about its vibe - dark, gothic Victoriana that rhymes nicely with As the Sun Forever Sets - but after a bit of research, Mandus’ quest for his missing sons strikes an unexpectedly resonant and terrible chord.

The writing and voice acting is phenomenal, Mandus’ split consciousness - the self you play and the other half of him that’s seen the horrors of the forthcoming 20th Century and is compelled to act, imbued into the myopic machine he built - is extremely compelling. He feels compassion for the poor and wants to save them, but they fill him with fear and disgust. He knows the industrialist class is killing the world, but feels a deep shame in the fact that he counts himself amongst them. So his machine grinds the rich into meat for the poor, who it distorts into grotesque pig homunculi and forces them to operate the machine’s inscrutable workings.

It’s Mandus’ twisted way of saving the world - kill the rich for their crimes, enslave the poor for their own good, all hail the new machine/god/manager of the 20th century. It’s a neat reflection of the way modern politicians contort themselves to the whims of big business and AI snake oil salesmen to avoid doing the simple and obvious things that’d better the world. It’s a nightmarish refutation of Victorian Liberalism, that only the upper class know how to fix the problems of the lower class. It’s brilliant, and we should play it. 

"Do you hear me Mandus? This is what you planned! This world is a machine! A Machine for Pigs! Fit only for the slaughtering of pigs! Whores, beggars, orphans, filthy degenerates. Pigs all. But I will purify the streets, cleanse this city, set the great industry free. I will clean the world, make it pure." - The Machine, A Machine for Pigs

Song of the Year, of the Century

Not long after I came out as trans, I was asked what (in an ideal world) would make transition easier. I replied - never having to leave the house. One day I'd shut the front door as a man and another day, months or years later, I'd open it again as a woman, neatly sidestepping the terror of being perceived in a notoriously transphobic Britain.

In 2020 I shut that door and didn't open it for 4 months. At work, I remember calling the nearby shelter to donate our excess hand sanitizer and toilet roll, figuring out at the last second how support workers could take calls from their already isolated clients via their mobile phones, and fixating on the steady stream of scared coworkers leaving early. Tearfully, I felt the urge to hug those that remained as we locked up, before we remembered we probably shouldn't.

I've never been more aware of the minutia of moving through a space on the way home - How many people had their hands on this handrail? Have I touched my mouth or eyes without realising? Is anyone in the office already sick? Or on this train? How many more people are going to die? - My heart was in my chest, I heard the blood whoosh through my head to the beat of my steps on the pavement. At home, I realised my boyfriend had to go into work the next day. After he went to sleep, terrified he might die, I cried.

"I remember I felt an extraordinary persuasion that I was being played with, that presently, when I was upon the very verge of safety, this mysterious death—as swift as the passage of light—would leap after me from the pit about the cylinder, and strike me down." - "The Heat Ray", The War of the Worlds

Writing As the Sun Forever Sets was my way of coping with the disconnect with the world I felt, the fear of both Covid and the rising transphobia kept me inside even as the lockdowns eased. That feeling of throbbing death creeping at the window took a long time to wrestle under control, and getting deeply obsessed with a big project became part of that process. It seems incredibly maudlin to make a TTRPG dealing with darkness and death during a pandemic that killed (and continues to kill) millions of people, but I suppose I’m kind of a maudlin person.

“I haven't written a song in a month, So I'm playing the same chords again. I know I need to get lost in the moment, But I get lost before it begins. Fingers stretching out into space. Reaching as a thought slips away.”

It also burnt me the fuck out. After years of constant work and testing (beginning long before Evil Hat picked up the game), I ran out of steam. I spent the months after Evil Hat’s public playtest ended not really able to write anything ATSFS related at all. The game kind of froze - I knew what I wanted to change or fix or add, but the moment the google doc opened I couldn’t make myself start typing. It was incredibly frustrating to have the switch flip from endless obsessive writing to constant nothing, and I don’t think I truly recognised the burnout I was feeling until recently. It turns out spending years staying up past midnight writing is bad, who know!

A lot of Forged in the Dark games don’t get finished (or more accurately, get stuck in perpetual development), something that the excellent and dearly missed +1 Forward podcast recognised in their episode collecting their thoughts on the FITD games they looked at back in 2021. I think that’s because, at least to me, writing a Forged in the Dark game is like trying to hold a plate of spaghetti without the plate. It’s deceptively simple at its heart, but the system squirms when you poke at it - write one thing and it affects 3 other things. Tug one piece of pasta out and you lose a meatball without realising it.

When I listened to that episode, I took it as a challenge. Part of me now wonders if it was a curse. I'm being hyperbolic, of course. But a little part of me did think it might be better to give the game up.

That’s not going to be As the Sun Forever Sets' fate, thankfully. Evil Hat has been there to support me when I’ve felt guilty about shifting another deadline or replying to a check-in email with another late “Not much progress this month, sorry!” The frozen writers block is thawing, and I’m so tantalisingly close to finishing the final text. This blog is part of that process, another chip in the icy dam.

The wheels of dread Martian terror turn once again, and it feels good. Part of that is down to not beating myself up about a lack of progress. The more important part came when I realised I felt able to return to the world again - living in it, not hiding from it. Staying connected to it, even when there's times I'm not able to inhabit it physically. Covid, Britains particular brand of transphobic brainworms, and the shadow of Empire all continue to exist, and so do I - a weird maudlin transsexual woman - in spite of them all.

“The day seemed, by contrast with my recent confinement, dazzlingly bright, the sky a glowing blue. A gentle breeze kept the red weed that covered every scrap of unoccupied ground gently swaying. And oh! the sweetness of the air!” - “The Stillness”, The War of the Worlds

You made it!

Thanks for sticking with my messy thoughts. If what I talked about here sounds cool to you, please stop by the Discord, we'd love to have you. Look forward to seeing As the Sun Forever Sets come to a crowdfunding platform of Evil Hat's choice (I assume backerkit) at some point in the future ♥.

[alisonwritesimagines]

Different ~Simon Riley Imagine~

Summary: You and Simon stay connected for the sake of your son. But events eventually lead you two back together in a way you both didn't expect.

Author’s Note: I've had this in my drafts and I was debating if I should release it or not. So I decided to free it from the drafts.

Based on the song Different by Joshua Bassett

Part One

Reader’s Pronouns: She/Her

Warnings: character deaths, spoilers for Modern Warfare 3

Do not repost this anywhere!

Simon wishes he could hate Mitch. In a messed up way he desperately wants to hate him. But he can’t.

He’s a perfect step father to his son and an amazing father to your daughters, he’s the perfect husband, and he’s able to be home with you without making you worry if he was going to come back dead or alive. Mitch is what Simon wishes he was for you.

Ever since Simon found out about his son, he wanted to get to know him. He didn’t never wanted to be like his father. He wanted to be better. So whenever he had the chance, Simon would go see his son.

“Did you see that soccer game the other day?” Mitch asked Simon.

“You mean football?”

“Right right. I forget you Brits call it football.”

“Makes more sense doesn’t it?” Simon asked.

“I guess in a sense.”

It was Levi’s birthday and Simon and Johnny came over to America to visit and celebrate. Levi was officially 8 years old and was now an older brother to two sisters.

“When do you guys plan on coming to visit again?” Simon asked.

“We’re thinking the summer. Might take the kids to Disneyland Paris this time too,” Mitch tells him.

“They’ll enjoy that.”

“How are you and Johnny?” Mitch asked him. The best thing about Mitch, he was never the one to judge. Sure he was upset at Simon for cheating on you but you had told Mitch that you had forgiven Simon and Mitch trusts your judgement.

“Good. Good.”

“Okay boys. I am in need to help now,” you say as you carried your youngest.

“I got her babe,” Mitch said before putting his drink down and taking his youngest daughter in his arms. “You can hang out with me and Uncle Simon.”

“Thank you darling,” you say before giving him a quick kiss.

It always stung in Simon’s heart when you kissed Mitch. It’s selfish of him to think this way but there was always a part of him that wanted you back even after all this time. It was wrong to think this way but he knew he would always love you. Even if he did love Johnny.

After the party, Simon and Johnny helped you and Mitch clean up.

“You know you guys don’t have to stay behind to help clean right?” You asked.

“You did more than enough for today and with planning all this. Go relax,” Simon tells you.

“But-“

“We got this Bonnie. It’s the least we can do for you,” Johnny tells you. You let out a sigh in defeat before walking over to your daughters.

“Okay girls! Bath time,” you say. You picked up your two girls before walking upstairs to get them cleaned. Simon watched with a sad smile as you kissed the top of your daughters’ heads.

—

Simon came straight to you after the worst mission he had ever been on.

You gave Simon a hug the moment he told you the news. Johnny was gone. Killed in action. The last time you saw him heartbroken was when you found out about him and Johnny and you had called him Ghost.

“Anything we can do for you?” You asked him.

“I just need something to distract myself,” Simon tells you.

“Levi has a soccer game tomorrow if you want to join us,” you tell him.

“Yes please.”

“How long have you been grieving?”

“I think long enough.”

“I don’t think so,” you shook your head.

“What-“

“You loved him Simon. It’s okay to be in grief for a long time,” you tell him. Simon hugged you again, not wanting to let you go.

“Thank you.”

“I’m here for you.”

—

Soon, it was Simon’s turn to comfort you. You had lost Mitch in a car accident when he was coming back from work one night. Simon made sure the kids were fed and taken care of while trying to help keep you fed and alive.

“I’m here for you love. I always will be,” Simon tells you. You cried into his chest, passing out from exhaustion on the couch in his arms only an hour later.

Simon was no longer in SAS but he did help with training new recruits after capturing and killing Makrov. Not as dangerous as before but he still had a steady job and was able to take care of you and the kids.

“What if we go out tomorrow night?” Simon asked you one night. It had been five months since he had been helping you with your kids.

“What do you mean?” You asked as you were cleaning up your kitchen.

“Just you and me. We can go see a movie or grab dinner together?” Simon suggested.

“Would this be a date?” You asked him with a look.

“No. More of a hang out,” Simon tells you.

“Okay,” you say unconvinced.

“I don’t want to force you into anything. I’m letting things go slow,” Simon tells you. You nodded before beginning to do the dishes.

-

Levi had reached the age where he was finally old enough to know that Simon was his biological father. You and Simon had sat Levi at the table before telling him the news.

“Do you have any questions for us?” You asked Levi as you sat across from him.

“Why did you leave him?” Levi asked you as he glared at Simon.

“Because he fell in love with someone else.”

“And why are you with him now? Aren’t you afraid he’ll hurt you again? This is bullshit,” Levi said angrily.

“Language,” you warn.

“So you hurt her, let her marry someone else, and once he’s gone you just think you can come back into her life like that?” Levi yelled at Simon who had been silent since the conversation started. He knew that Levi would be mad at him. He knew Levi would be angry. And he didn’t mine because he knew that this would be upsetting.

“Levi, I know I hurt her. I should have never hurt her but I did. We’re going through couples therapy together and it’s been helping us. Your mother has forgiven me enough for me to be back into her life,” Simon explains to him.

“What do I even call you now? My dad is dead and my whole life I’ve only seen you as Uncle Simon. Do you expect me to call you dad now?” Levi asked, still angry at the news.

“You can call me whatever makes you comfortable right now. I don’t expect you or your sisters to accept me now but I am here for you three and your mother,” Simon tells him.

Levi shook his head before getting up and heading towards his room. You looked at Simon with a sad look.

“Do you think we did the right thing?” You asked.

“Yes. He’s old enough now and he just needs to get use to it. It’s better to tell him now than later,” Simon tells you. You nodded before looking at a picture of the wall with you and Mitch.

“I wonder what it would’ve been like if Mitch was still around.”

“Could be the same reaction,” Simon tells you before placing his hand on yours.

—

The girls loved Simon on the other hand. They loved it whenever he caved into their games and how he would let them put makeup or nail polish on him. Mitch took care of Levi and now, Simon was returning the favor in protecting and caring for Mitch’s daughters.

“Uncle Simon?” Your youngest asked Simon one day.

“Yes?”

“How come I can’t see my daddy anymore?” Macy asked him.

“You’ll be able to see him again. Just not now. He’s somewhere where we can’t touch or see but one day in the long future, you’ll see him again,” Simon told her.

He loved the girls. He would protect them no matter what and was always weak whenever they would give him puppy eyes when you say no to them. Simon knew they weren't his daughters, but he can be the best father figure they needed as they grew up.

“Will you ever leave us?” Macy asked him.

“No. Not unless you tell me to leave you,” Simon tells her.

“I don’t want you to leave us,” Macy said as she hugged him.

“Then I won’t leave,” Simon said, hugging her back.

—

Simon had waited this for a long time. To see you in a white dress, walking to him, and saying your vows together. Even if it was in a courtroom with just your kids, your parents, Price, Laswell, and Gaz to witness you two. It was perfect for him.

So here you two are, having dinner with everyone at your favorite restaurant with close friends and family who you wanted at the reception. Neither you or Simon cared for a big fancy wedding. You had already gotten your dream wedding with Mitch and Simon wanted to keep things lowkey. So you both agreed for a courthouse wedding then dinner at your favorite place.

“Proud of you,” Price told Simon as he patted his back. The two were drinking a beer as you talked to Laswell and Gaz.

“Thanks.”

“I know Johnny would’ve been happy for you too.”

“He would’ve enjoyed this,” Simon added.

“She’s a good woman, Simon. Make sure you keep her this time.”

“I will.”

“Hey. Um dad?” Levi asked Simon awkwardly. Levi still had conflicted feelings in called Simon dad after calling him Uncle Simon for so long. But he eventually accepted the fact that Simon was his biological father.

“Yeah kid?”

“Mom wants to know if you wanna do the cake now,” Levi asked.

“Tell her yes. We can do the cake,” Simon told his son. Levi nodded before going back to you.

Simon walked over to you before wrapping his arms around your waist. Your mom brought out the cake for you two before she took a couple pictures of you both and then with you two and the kids.

"To Mr. and Mrs. Riley. We wish you two nothing but happiness," John said as he raised his drink.

"Thank you all for being here with us," you say before you and Simon cut the cake for everyone.

After your reception, your parents took the kids to watch them over the weekend while you and Simon got to enjoy the honeymoon. Simon and you slow danced in the hotel's garden. The staff didn't want to interrupt you both as you both had a moment alone together.

"Thank you for giving me a second chance," Simon says to you.

"I'm surprised you waited for me."

"You're the only person I'd ever wait for."

"Do you think they're happy for us?" You asked Simon.

"Knowing them, I'm sure Mitch and Johnny would've wanted us happy and safe. No matter what," Simon tells you. You smiled softly up at him before giving him a gentle kiss.

You rested your head on him as you both continued to dance to the music from your phone.

[olderthannetfic]

Since you've mentioned that you use Scrivener as a word processing software, I have a bit of a weird-ish question. I have looked at the programme and it seems incredibly useful, and then I looked at the pricetag and- gulp.

I currently use Word which costs 5 euros per year thanks to university, but am thinking about switching to another programme that isn't related to my uni as I feel too paranoid about my smutty fanfic ideas being looked at by my uni and them disapproving of my writing. XD (Word keeps marking "fuck" with a squiggly line and suggesting I choose another word to avoid offending my readers, but if canon doesn't give Barclay some holographic MMF action taking place during "A Fistful of Datas" and turning both his holographic partners into holographic Data and therefore inducing maximum tension and insecurity due to feelings in poor sandwiched Barclay whenever he meets actual Data after that, I will have to write it myself! :P )

According to the website where one can buy a Scrivener license, one pays for the current version of it and will have to buy later versions anew if I haven't misunderstood. You seem to have used it for quite a while, and I haven't managed to find out when the different versions came out. I know the current one is 3, but I am unsure how much time passed between 1 and 2 and 2 and 3, and am unsure whether it's a good idea to buy a license now or whether it would be wiser to wait if it's likely that another version might be released in the near future (that is within one year for example) because then I might wait a little while with my purchase, heh. It probably sounds quite stingy but I am solely getting it for my tiny and too seldom indulged hobby of writing fanfic, and currently have to kinda sorta pay more attention to my wallet and where its contents go, so to say, which is why I'm hesitant.

The question basically is: As a (probable?) long-time user, do you think it's likely a new version of Scrivener will be released within the next year or so or do you think it's likely the current version will be tha latest to purchase for a longer while than 1-2 years?

I hope this rambly mess makes sense, haven't really slept for quite some time, so I am sorry if this is terribly incomprehensible. Sorry for the weird stingy question. Have a nice day and I hope you have slept and will sleep better than I currently do, heh!

--

I've only used it for like three years.

A quick google suggests that Scrivener 2 was released in 2010. 3 was released in 2017 basically to keep up with OS changes.

(IDK what you searched, but this isn't hard to find, dude.)

Scrivener is a fairly... old-fashioned style of software, I guess I'd call it. Some dude wrote himself a program to write his own novel and then people liked it. Some other guy decided to port it to Windows.

They update approximately never. When they do, recent buyers of the old one upgrade for free and everybody else gets like half off. The trial period is 30 days of actual use. The current retail license for 3 is only like sixty bucks. It's a commercial product, but... not like you've been trained to expect by your average modern software that wants to nickle and dime you at every turn.

Do you need Scrivener? Well, no. Not unless you want customizable high-level ebook output formatting and fancy features like that. You could just use some other free option if you just want to type stories in something that isn't Word. But Scrivener is priced extremely low for what it is.

[lostcauses-noregrets]

By Rafael Motamayor, New York Times, Nov. 5, 2023

On Saturday, the final episode of the anime adaptation of Hajime Isayama’s “Attack on Titan” premiered on Crunchyroll and Hulu, ending an epic tale that started back in 2013.

Like the manga, which ran from 2009 to 2021, the anime was an instant hit, becoming one of the defining shows of the modern anime era, with spinoffs, live-action and video game adaptations, and even a comic book crossover with Marvel’s “Spider-Man” and “Avengers” titles.

Since the fourth and final season started airing in 2020, “Attack on Titan” has been one of the most popular shows on the internet — episodes have routinely trended on social media, streaming servers have occasionally crashed, the opening theme song became a rare anime song to hit the U.S. Billboard charts. Parrot Analytics said it was the most “in-demand” show in the world in 2021, a metric based on analysis of streaming, social media, search and other online behaviors. The manga has continued to be popular as well, selling over 120 million copies worldwide, and several of the published volumes have charted on the New York Times graphic novels and manga best-seller list.

What started as a thrilling yet relatively simple tale of a young boy seeking revenge against the giant humanoid monsters that ate his mother quickly evolved into a thought-provoking war epic. The tonal shift in “Attack on Titan” also came with one of the biggest heel-turns in modern anime, with the protagonist, Eren Jaeger, devolving into a radicalized monster threatening worldwide genocide.

Since the manga ended in 2021, there has been plenty of speculation and debate over Eren’s antagonistic turn and what the story’s ending means. Ahead of the release of the final episode, the manga creator Hajime Isayama, speaking through an interpreter, David Higbee, talks about the restrictive nature of writing and the story’s dark ending. These are edited excerpts from the interview.

The manga ended a couple of years ago, and the anime is just finishing now. How do you feel about the story coming to an end?

For this anime to be made and for that to go beyond the borders of Japan and to reach a worldwide audience is something that’s been a very happy occurrence for me. In a sense, “Attack on Titan” has connected me to the world, and that’s something that I’m very glad happened.

How much of the ending from the manga did you have in mind when you first began writing “Attack on Titan”? And how much did it change along the way?

That was pretty much there from the beginning, the story that starts with the victim who then goes through this story and becomes the aggressor. That is something I had in mind right from the get-go. Along the way, certain aspects of the story didn’t go as expected, and I adapted and fleshed out certain aspects. But I would say the ending of the story didn’t change much

There’s a much-talked-about scene where Armin, who is struggling with Eren’s turn into a mass murderer, seems to thank him for his actions. Can you talk about the meaning behind that conversation?

My thinking there wasn’t really that Armin was trying to push Eren away for the sake of justice or whatnot. It was more that he wanted to, in a sense, take joint responsibility. He wanted to become an accomplice. In order to become an accomplice, Armin had to make sure that he used very strong wording so that he could take those sins upon himself. And so that was the intent behind it.

You have a scene where Eren apologizes to a kid for the carnage he’s going to commit and says he was disappointed in the world he saw beyond the walls. What does that say about his motivation?

I think that refers to the fact that Eren was dreaming of going to this world outside of the walls where there was nobody and there was nothing. There was an excitement about this world that was just empty, a clean slate. I don’t really know whether that’s a good or a bad thing, and I don’t really know why that was the ideal that I set up for Eren as a part of this story. But what I can say is that, when he does get across the wall at that point, he says he sees that the world is really not that different from what’s within the walls in the world that he already knows. I believe that’s probably the disappointment that I’m referring to in that specific scene.

Eren says in the final episode of the anime that he had no choice but to follow the future that he saw, that he was powerless against the powers of the Founding Titan. Armin even asks if he’s really free. Was he telling the truth or do you see this as him telling an excuse?

So the truth is the situation with Eren actually overlaps in a certain sense with my own story with this manga. When I first started this series, I was worried that it would probably be canceled. It was a work that no one knew about. But I had already started the story with the ending in mind. And the story ended up being read and watched by an incredible number of people, and it led to me being given a huge power that I didn’t quite feel comfortable with.

It would have been nice if I could have changed the ending. Writing manga is supposed to be freeing. But if I was completely free, then I should have been able to change the ending. I could have changed it and said I wanted to go in a different direction. But the fact is that I was tied down to what I had originally envisioned when I was young. And so, manga became a very restrictive art form for me, similar to how the massive powers that Eren acquired ended up restricting him.

You have been involved in the anime production for a little while, supervising the adaptation’s storyboards, and have been known for asking for changes to the story in the adaptation. Did you personally ask for anything for the final episode?

Yes. Absolutely. I checked the script, but the main thing was the storyboards. There were different things I suggested. When it comes down to it, it’s really the role of the production to make those decisions. But I wanted to at least give my input so that they could take those into account when they were making the final decisions.

The manga ends with you showing the future of Paradis and sort of the cycle of war continuing. Is there no end to the conflict and the cycle you present in the story?

I guess there could have been an ending where it was a happy ending and the war ended and everything was fine and dandy. I guess that could have been possible. At the same time, the end of fighting and the end of contention itself kind of seems hokey. It kind of seems like it’s not even believable. It’s just not plausible in the world we’re living in right now. And so, sadly, I had to give up on that kind of happy ending.

[New York Times, 5 November 2023]

[blue-lollipops-and-ice-clouds]

Sleep Token's "The 100 Songs That Changed Our World" Article.

(Source - photos courtesy the lovely jawsofeden)

Transcript:

100 - Sleep Token

The Summoning

(Take Me Back To Eden, 2023)

The meteoric rise of Sleep Token caught us all by surprise. At the start of 2023, the mysterious masked band were one of the metal underground's buzziest names. Led by enigmatic vocalist Vessel, they were a band to watch, for sure, but firmly attracted the niche passion of a cult following.

Then came the song that would change everything. On consecutive days in early January, the band released two singles from their third album, Take Me Back To Eden: the burning, crashing Chokehold, followed by The Summoning - and it was the latter track that would turn them into an Earth-conquering, expectation-shattering phenomenon.

Veering between depraved tech metal, soulful vocals and shimmering electronics, an enormous, hymnal chorus gave way to an Earth-shifting breakdown and screams. Intricate and groove heavy, The Surmoning was more like three songs seamlessly crafted into one genre-fluid modern masterpiece. And it still had its trump card to play: a bendy, thirst-trap, funk outro that went viral on TikTok, turning the internet intoalusty Take1 puddle. Suddenly, Sleep Token were the most talked-about band on the planet.

"THERE ARE HINTS OF EARLY SLIPKNOT THERE."

COREY TAYLOR

"It took me three listens of [The Sumroning] to realise that when they do that whole psychedelic section at the end, that it's actually the same chorus as it was before, only in a completely different way," Evanescence's Amy Lee told Revolver. "And I love it even more that. I thought they just went a whole new direction and wrote a new part, and then I was like, 'Wait, that's the same...but not at all'."

Sleep Token weren't the most obvious choice for a commercial breakthrough. The success of The Summoning, an unconventional, seven-minute, brutal shapeshifter, bucks just about every music industry trend there is.

"It's going to a lot of different places, and I think there isn't any other band out there right now that's able to do that," Judas Priest frontman Rob Halford said earlier this year.

The Summoning set a chain reaction in motion that was unprecedented in modern metal. In just a few weeks, the band saw their Spotify figures jump from the thousands into the millions. To date, the track has been streamed more than 123 million times on Spotify and 19 million on YouTube. On release, Take Me Back To Eden went straight in at No.3 in the UK and was the most streamed metal album of 2023. When the band announced a show at Wembley Arena, tickets sold out in 10 minutes.

Earlier this year, they left the metal-heavy roster of Spinefarm Records for RCA, the home of mainstream megastars Justin Timberlake and rapper Doja Cat.

"In heavy music, or even in just rock, even in the last decade or 15 years, there's so few stories of bands ever breaking through," says Health bassist and producer, John Famiglietti, who supported the band at Wembley and sees Sleep Token's success as proof metal still can resonate on a massive scale. "This is one of the few times I've seen a band go from a fucking club to an arena in six months. And I don't know the last time that happened."

It's worth pointing out that in the social media era where celebrities and artists are more accessible than ever, Sleep Token have achieved all of this on their own terms. To date, they've barely done any press, while their masked mystique is all part of the allure. Last year, fans reacted with outrage when bassist III's identity and birth certificate were allegedly leaked online, seemingly leading to a decision to wipe the band's Instagram.

"There are hints of early Slipknot there," Knot vocalist Corey Taylor told The Allison Hagendorf Show in 2023, thinking back to the early internet days before Slipknot removed their masks. "At first, we were like, 'Nope. You get nothing. This is what you get, you figure it out. We'll let the music speak for ourselves.

Today, Sleep Token are being mentioned in the same breath as potential future Download headliners Ghost, Gojira, and Architects. The only difference? Sleep Token have managed to ascend to the same level as those bands in a fraction of the time. Metal needs new superstars who will push things forward, innovate and keep the scene relevant - and with Sleep Token we have a band we can believe in. DL

[fuckyeahgoodomensfanfic]

Good Omens Fic Rec: take me as your wife

You reached for my glass to pour me some wine, and in doing so, brushed my hand for a half-second with your ring finger. Only, it was not the back of my palm that you brushed, but my sloping knuckles; this is when I knew that it was the cut of my jaw you really wanted to touch, that you had chosen to indicate you wanted it with the finger used by many to display the glinting vow of marriage. You poured, and I watched, and the tranquil waters of your eyes stilled their rippling before me, and you were swiftly and silently taking me as your wife. At long last and yet far too soon, only for tonight and yet once and for all, in a century which was at once so impatiently modern and so soothingly traditional. Or: In the 1750s, Crowley stumbles upon Aziraphale at a country inn, away from the hustle and bustle and the prying eyes of London town. The most romantic of afternoons ensues.

Length: 1,931 words

AO3 Rating: Explicit / Spice Level 🔥🔥🔥🔥

Best for: At Home, After Dark, Romance

Triggers: None

Read it here, fic by ineffabildaddy

*Minor Spoilers* So I knew Sam was writing a fic for my birthday, but I didn't expect to end up sobbing once I had read it. I couldn't compose myself for an embarrassingly long time afterward. I am so touched and grateful for this new friendship, and I felt a little overwhelmed by the love and quality of this piece.

Please, before you read this, set the stage with the recording I prompted for this fic. It's a piece by Jean-Jacques Rousseau, read by Michael Sheen, reminiscing about a past meeting. Sam took this prompt and soared. It perfectly captures the atmosphere, the longing, the desire, and the intimacy of the reading.

We join Crowley as she (can be read as either male or female presenting Crowley, but I'll use she/her pronouns here) recounts a night spent at an inn with Aziraphale. To me, it feels as though I am reading a letter or diary entry by Crowley, as she speaks directly to Aziraphale, telling him her thoughts and desires. Her longing is so intense that she imagines herself as part of every morsel he consumes, envisioning it’s her body he’s touching, not merely the napkins; it's her thighs he’s parting, not just a soft loaf of bread. Crowley (like with the ox ribs) finds her desire in watching Aziraphale’s indulgent consumption, her need for release growing unbearable and distracting. But this is not just Crowley being turned on by innocent actions. She is reacting to Aziraphale’s intentional signals. It is an unspoken conversation, a promise of what’s to come. He tells her with the barest of touches, and slightest subtext, that she is his. Finally, when she assumes that the night will soon be over, she is instead handed a key. "A key to a room downstairs." Barriers and doors unlocked, they will consummate their unspoken vow to each other. Their need and devotion temporarily greater than the threat of Heaven, Hell, or God herself.

This story is not only erotic but gorgeous. One of my favorite qualities of Sam's writing is how he gives us languorous poetry then snaps back into unabashed smut, like a kiss that suddenly bites. This is vivid imagery and prose, yet still has a dreamy haze to it. Like a romanticized version of Crowley's memory. A friend described it to me as a hot summer’s night, the smell of grass and rain, a restless yearning. It’s a memory that craves. Longing for the moment they will reunite. And of course they will, they’ll always belong to one other. I love this story so much. And sure, I may be very biased because I love Sam. But I truly and genuinely believe in this story. And because it's my birthday fic you all should read this. Birthday girl rules sorry. Thank you Sam, you are such a talented writer, and a wonderful person. I'm so honored to receive this gift.

Read it here, fic by ineffabildaddy

[spicerackofblorbos]

Chapter 4: February

☾ Pairings ➼ Levi Ackerman x fem!mute!Reader (she/her pronouns), set in a modern semi-fictional world

☾ Summary ➼ Due to childhood trauma, you find yourself an adult without the ability to speak. After years of working on it, you have found ways to live without a voice. Now here in your late 20s, you are 5 months in getting used to a new town. On a fateful day in late November, you and your adopted sister visit a local bookstore-café, unaware of the friendships about to blossom. Throughout the months, one friendship in particular develops into something more.

☾ Content/Warnings ➼ fluff, slowburn, oblivious feelings, angst, mention of minor character deaths, trauma, illness, adoption, mentions of fire, disabilities, alcohol use, very light nsfw mentions, references to child abuse (to be continued as writing is ongoing)

☾ Author's note ➼ Hey guys! Happy (early) Valentine's Day! This would have been out much earlier but I figured since it's February, I would actually release it near the holiday the chapter is actually about. I'm so excited to finally release this into the wild! I'm in the process of working on March but I might take a break to work on some fluffy drabbles/one-shots because tis the season! I'll be back soon with more!

☾ Word Count ➼ ~8.5k (this one is even longer and I'm not even sorry about it)

Your bedroom floor is littered with piles of the clothes you spent the last hour trying on then discarding out of dissatisfaction. You and Hange were expecting company soon and you were standing in just your undergarments while staring into your almost empty closet in disdain. It felt as if you were 17 again, freaking out the morning before a school day because you were not comfortable with any of the fabrics in your wardrobe. You throw your hands up in the air and exhale loudly, thinking to yourself of how hopeless this endeavor was.

With people coming over, you wanted to try and dress up a bit. But in frustration, you opt for your usual wear of jeans and a baggy pullover sweater. Pulling your hair up in two little buns, you just grunt in acceptance. At least you were comfortable, which is the most important factor here. After slipping on a mismatched pair of socks, you pad back into the living room where Hange sat on the floor milling around on her work laptop.

‘Working again?’ You sign at them while passing them to the kitchen. You open a cupboard for a can of black tea. You were told Levi was coming over for the get together and you wanted to make sure there was tea ready. For everyone, of course, not just Levi. Or so you keep telling yourself.

“Just finishing up a couple documents is all. Did you make sure that we had the ingredients for the cookies today?” They mumble from behind the screen, their fingers zooming over the keyboard as they speak. Their eyes flick up at you as you sign a quick yes and they nod in response, shoving their face back into their reports.

You make quick work of the electric tea kettle, pushing the button to get the water boiling before tossing in a couple teaspoons of loose leaves in your favorite teapot. It was a gift from your foster-parents many years ago and it had golden bunnies hopping around on a light teal background. After the kettle shuts itself off, you pour the water into the teapot to steep then place the lid on top gently.

You then set forth to make sure your wipe-off board had fully stocked markers for tonight, placing them on the kitchen bar for you to reach easily. Texting might be faster, but a wipe-off board served better with a crowd of people so everyone could see what you were saying. When you’re satisfied with everything, you then turn to Hange.

It was past two in the afternoon, and they were still in their pajamas with a rat’s nest in place of their hair. Company was due soon and she was still tapping away, so you go up behind them and place your hands on their shoulders gently. She hums in response, not turning to you. You lean forward and place a hand on the laptop, and she stops. They cock their head up to look at you and their glasses glint off the afternoon sun coming through the dining room window. You furrow your brows at them and scrunch your nose.

“Can I help you?” She asks. Nodding, you release your hands to sign to her.

‘You need a shower.’ She purses her lips and averts her gaze.

“I have time, let me just finish this report first.”

‘No, shower first and then come back to this.’

“But-” You cut them off by pinching her cheek, not hard enough to bruise but enough to leave a mark.

‘Don’t make me throw you in the bath, you know I’ll do it.’ You smirk while raising an eyebrow at them. You’re met with an eyeroll, but she saves her work before shutting her laptop anyways. You kiss her forehead from above and then move back so they can stand up.

‘Thanks, don’t forget to wash your ass.’ You laugh silently and she just gives you a disgusted look before heading into her room, laptop under her arm. She flips you a bird before disappearing behind her door. You grin at yourself and then head back to the kitchen to set out some butter to soften.

For Valentine’s Day this year, Hange decided to throw a little party at your shared apartment. You just wanted to bake and watch stupid movies together, but they talked you into socializing. She had said something about today not being just for couples. She wanted to “celebrate singleness”, her words not yours. So of course, you were roped in because honestly, where else would you have to be? But that also meant she had invited quite a few people as well; a few coworkers and Erwin. And with Erwin, the invitation had spread to Miche and Levi. The latter of which you were excited for, no matter how much you told yourself it wasn’t such a big deal.

You smile at how close you and Levi had gotten in the past couple weeks, getting to know each other a little more as the days passed. It mainly consisted of texting each other little things you thought you’d both like or little hangouts at the café after hours. The café meetings were not anything new, of course, but they had a vastly different atmosphere than before. You chalk it up to the friendlier nature and usage of more words around each other.

You preoccupy yourself by pulling out the rest of the necessary ingredients and dishes needed for your baking adventure. One of the compromises Hange had made with you was the allowance of being able to still make your checkerboard cookies regardless of the plans. It was something you had picked up in the last couple years and it quickly became one of your favorite traditions. Hange did not refuse, which you think is mainly because she loved your baked goods and was looking forward to shoving them in her mouth. With that thought, you pull out another stick of butter to make a double batch just in case.

After a while, you place your hands on your hips and nod your head in satisfaction. Your ears pick up the sound of squeaking floorboards coming from Hange’s bedroom which signaled that she had finished bathing. Another noise comes from the front door with someone rapping on the hardwood. When you glance at the clock on the stove, it reads 2:47. Someone was a little early, you think to yourself as you saunter up to the door.

Pulling it open, you’re met with a smiling Erwin holding a small bundle of flowers and a bottle of wine. Miche flanks him with a box of canned beer under one arm, his other out to give you a hug which you run into instantly, making sure to do the same with Erwin. In the last month since their dinner party, it wasn’t just Levi you had gotten close to.

While you were already pretty comfortable with Erwin through your sister, Miche was a confidant you hadn’t expected to have. Throughout the passing days, you found that he was as technologically competent as he was as good of a chef. When he wasn’t behind a computer screen, he was often found sending you obscure recipes through late night text messages that he wanted to try with you.

‘I’m so glad you two could make it!’ You sign to them ecstatically, breaking out into a grin.

“Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” Erwin chirps as he winks down at you.

Taking a step back, you lead them through the door with your hand. You peep a quick glance behind them to make sure there was no one else coming. To your disappointment, there wasn’t. You shut the door behind the two men with a sigh. Hange must have talked to them beforehand about the apartment rules because they were quick to pull their shoes off at the door before walking more into the apartment.

You follow them into the living room as you check your phone. No new messages. You had sent Levi a text earlier this morning to see if he was planning to make it, but he had not responded. So, when Erwin places the flowers and wine down on the kitchen counter, you step up next to him to get his attention.

‘Thank you so much for bringing these.’ You hesitate for a moment as he looks down at you patiently. ‘Is Levi still coming?’ You stare up into his bright eyes, his lips twitching in amusement at your question.

“Yes, he is just running a little behind. He had a stop to make before making his way here.” He pats your head and you just blush. But you feel immensely better, knowing that Levi was coming for certain. To not waste the tea you’ve made, of course, you remind yourself. You grab the bouquet of flowers and take a big whiff of them, relishing the sweet scent.

Bending down into a counter beneath you, you grab a vase and get to work trimming the stems so you can place it on the dinner table. Miche is quick to place a couple of his beers in the fridge along with the wine Erwin brought so they would be cold for later.

‘What kind of beer did you bring?’ You sign towards Miche, Erwin translating for you.

“Oh, definitely not something you would like, even if you did drink. I saw it at the store and had to try it though. There’s peanut butter in it apparently.” Miche tilts his head towards the fridge. You make a grimace at him, and he chuckles.

“Hange had said to BYOB but I can’t imagine just having beer would be great, so I elected for something sweeter.” Erwin furrows his eyebrows at the very idea.

‘You do know BYOB doesn’t just mean beer, right? It’s just a figure of speech.’

“Wait, really?”

Just then, Hange comes out sporting a towel wrapped on their head as well as a t-shirt and jeans. They chose to go for the comfortable yet casual look too. She grins widely at the new company and runs to give them both a big hug as well.

“You guys made it!” She shrieks.

“We told you we would.” Erwin’s deep timbre responds back nonchalantly.

“Yeah yeah, but I still worried I ran you off with how much I talked about it. We’re going to have so much fun today!” Hange starts chattering away about the plans she had made for everyone. You giggle to yourself as you listen to them talk excitedly.

Since you weren’t one for alcohol, you always ended up as the mom for everyone, doubly so for your sister. She may be 5 years older than you, but you always felt like more of the responsible one. You didn’t mind it though. You figured it was a good payoff for everything else she does for you on a daily basis. Suddenly, another knock from the front door echoes down the hall and you’re quick to throw the metal bowl you just grabbed from the shelf down onto the counter before running to see who it is.

Much to your dismay, it’s not Levi. When you pull open the door, you see three people; Moblit Berner being one of them, whom you have seen many times since your move here. Hange’s coworkers are all carrying their own vice for tonight in their arms.

You give them a small smile in welcome and Moblit offers a friendly one in return. The two companions behind him consist of Nanaba, someone you have only met twice in passing, and another man, someone you have never seen before. You eyeball him apprehensively as you wave to Nanaba in hello, to which she does the same in response.

“Oh yeah, Onyankopon,” Moblit turns his head over his shoulder to refer to the man. “This is Hange’s little sister.” He says kindly. You wave at the stranger, still wary. The man named Onyankopon is very tall and broad chested with a crew cut that faded up his head. He gives you a big smile that warms up his entire face and speaks to you in a velvety tone.

“It’s nice to officially meet you. You know, your sister talks a lot about you.” His chocolate eyes are even warmer than his demeanor, and you can’t help but grin back at him with a blush, deciding he was okay. You side-step so they can funnel into the door. Your eyes linger down the hallway without meaning to, hoping to see a raven-haired man stalking up to the door. But it remained empty, so you shut it with another sigh and turn back to the ever-growing crowded apartment.

The company sat in various places in the living room while idle chatter filled the space. Some even opted for the floor, Hange being one of them. After a while, you had to remind your sister to take off the towel she had wrapped around her head because she was so engrossed in her conversation that she didn’t even notice it. It had dried for so long that her hair was even more frazzled than before. You just shook your head at her in amusement.

You make yourself busy with the cookies while everyone converses, the noise turning into buzzing. The living room was so cramped with bodies that you could barely breathe, so you found great solace in the kitchen. At this point you had donned on an apron that had floral designs vining their way to the top. It was an attempt to keep the inevitable mess from splattering on to you. While you loved to cook and bake, you were not neat about it in any capacity, but you found that to be the fun of it.

After turning the mixing bowl on to blend the sugar and butter, you turn to your now cold teapot and sigh. It had gone cold, but you hate to waste it; you decide to pour it into a sealable cup to make iced tea with it later.

You start to juggle the choices of either starting a new pot now or waiting until everyone has arrived when your ears perk up at another knock at the door. Your heart now racing at who it could be, you stare out to the living room over the half wall to see if anyone heard but no one had even turned their head. You shut off the mixer then wipe your hands on your apron as you make your way to the door. Taking a deep breath, you pull it open effortlessly.

You can’t keep your face from breaking out into a grin when your eyes fall on the short man with a deadpan expression standing in front of you. Levi. Furlan is there as well, waving at you from behind his friend. You mouth a ‘Hi’ to them both, barely containing the giddiness from the present company.

“Sorry we’re late. Not only did this jerk decide he was tagging along, but he also spent an ungodly amount of time getting ready.” Levi’s gruff voice speaks out to you as he tips his head to Furlan. You meet his soft gaze, and he winks playfully. Levi was wearing a snug, black long sleeve with even darker denim jeans. Your stomach flips as you force yourself to stare into Levi’s metallic eyes.

Waving them in the door, they follow suit and take their shoes off to place next to the pile already sitting by the door. Levi scoffs, no doubt annoyed by the messiness. You’re suddenly hyper aware of how dirty the apartment must look compared to his. After shutting the door behind them, you spin around and almost run right into Levi. You gasp in surprise and step back right into the door with a ‘thud’. Furlan was long gone, and you can hear his playful voice reverberating down the hall as he introduced himself to the rest of the company.

“Are you okay?” Levi asks, concern lacing into his deep voice. You laugh at yourself silently as he eyes you carefully. You nod and wave your hands dismissively at him to show you were indeed okay.

“Mm. I bought these for tonight. Where can I put them?” He shifts three large bottles of various sodas in his arms in awkwardness. His eyes avert from you as he speaks. You stare stunned for a moment as you realize he must have bought them specifically for you. Noticing you haven’t moved, his eyes shift back up to you with an eyebrow raised. Cracking a smile, you nod. The flips in your stomach hardly cease as you tip your head forward to signify where the kitchen was, passing him as well to lead the way.

After he places the bottles in the fridge, he closes the doors, and his eyes widen in surprise at the mess before him. You being you, there was flour everywhere and butter wrappers lie discarded by the mixer. Said mixer was surrounded by sugar from when you missed the bowl earlier. You look away sheepishly as you feel a hard stare at your face.

“Are you a toddler?” He asks, but there is no malice. It almost sounded as if he was amused.

Grabbing one of the wipe-off boards you placed in the kitchen earlier, you pop off a cap and start scrawling. 'Maybe.' Flipping it over to him with a shrug, you see the corners of his mouth twitch.

'Tea?' You point to your cluttered tea station. Levi turns to see an open tin of tea leaves and an empty kettle. He says nothing as he gets to work, doing it all before you can do anything. You gawk at his deft hands as he makes quick work of it all, like he was back in his cafe. Some of his hair fell in his face as his head hung low in focus. After gently placing the porcelain lid back on the pot, he turns back to you.

'You didn't have to do that, you know. I was mainly asking so I could start it.'

"Tch, I was already here. Besides, I'm probably faster at it." You can't argue on that, so you just shrug your shoulders at him again with a slight smile. He leans back against the kitchen counter and studies your face, and you feel your face bloom in heat. You place the board back down on the counter and point to your mess to show you were going to start back on the cookies. Tightening your hair buns, you then wash your hands and get back to work on the mixer, throwing in the ingredients as needed.

After a moment, you hear something rustling behind you and when you glance to the source, you see Levi pulling on the other apron that hung off the fridge. You stare at him curiously and he just tightens the drawstrings behind him as he meets your gaze.

"I'm helping." You hesitate but scoot over in response, and he steps up next to you. Your arms are almost touching, and it takes everything inside of you not to combust. So, you both get to work like that, side by side. The sounds of chatter and laughter from the rest of the group fade out as you both concentrate. You hand him the rest of the ingredients and he carefully pours them in the bowl. When everything is incorporated and set aside, you then measure out the other ingredients for the chocolate portion of the cookies. You don’t see it, but Levi just watches you patiently, admiring your meticulous yet messy way of making sure everything is accurate. When you glance up at him, he looks away quickly.

"Whatcha two up to?" A sly voice rings out after a while. Startled, you both jerk your heads up from the tray you two were placing raw dough cutouts on. It's Hange, leaning on the wall with their chin cradled in two cupped hands. They have a very cheeky grin plastering their face.

"What does it look like, Four-Eyes?" Levi snaps back dryly.

"Well, since you're asking me. It looks like you two are having fun." They wiggle their eyebrows at you and Levi just scoffs and averts his gaze. Your cheeks flare up again because you were definitely having fun, but you weren’t going to admit that. Hange tuts at you two and reaches over to pat you on the head lovingly.

"I just came over because you were both ignoring our calls." Looking over their shoulder, you see Erwin eyeballing you and Levi with a raised eyebrow. He takes a sip of his drink and looks away to keep talking to Moblit and Onyankopon. Nanaba, Furlan, and Miche broke out a deck of cards and are in the middle of a game of Poker.

'Sorry, I wasn’t paying attention.' You sign to her, frowning.

"No worries, we were just wondering if you guys were hungry. We were thinking of pizza!" They clap their hands excitedly. They were always thinking of pizza, you laugh to yourself. Hange loves pizza so much that even the mere mention of its cheesy goodness would summon them right then and there. Your stomach rumbles just thinking about it as well, so you nod.

"I could eat." Levi states as he lifts his teacup to his lips, three fingertips on the rim. Him doing so reminds you of the cup Levi had poured for you that you had left to get cold. You lightly touch the sides of it, and it still feels warm. As you take a sip, you’re hit with the boldness of the leaf blend you had chosen as well as a perfect amount of sweetness. ‘Levi makes the best tea’, you think to yourself.

"Perfect, I'll get those ordered. We'll just stick to the basics, yeah?" She pulls out her phone and starts dialing the nearest pizza place while walking away to join everyone in the living room. Levi picks up the couple of trays filled with raw cookies and slides them into the pre-heated oven. When he turns around, you can't help but silently chuckle as you take a closer look at his face for the first time since you both started your venture.

There is a streak of cocoa powder on his forehead that starkly contrasts on his pale skin. You point to it and your shoulders bounce in silent laughter as he brings a hand up to it to rub the spot. His eyes go wide as he notices the brown powder that is now staining his fingers. He grabs the towel you had draped over the dishwasher to wipe it away, his ears turning pink. He turns away from you as he does.

You eye Levi as he folds the towel neatly and puts it back where he got it from, huffing under his breath. He then starts gathering the dirty dishes and piles them into the sink, tugging on the faucet to rinse them off. While he's busy on that, you begin wiping down the counters with a wet rag. Levi gives you a side-eye and you meet his gaze, giving him a warm smile. He looks away again to focus on a bowl he was currently spraying with hot water. As you stare at him for a second longer, you can’t help but think how well you two worked together.

You grab the board once more and write, ‘Thank you for your help. (:’ before flipping the board over to Levi as he dries his hands on the towel. His eyes trail the words, and he glances up at you with indifference.

“Mm.” He hums. His eyes flick over to the timer that was set on the stove as he leans back against the sink and takes another sip of his tea. The cookies had eight minutes left. It almost felt as if he was reading your mind because neither of you moved with the intention leaving the calm kitchen. When you look over to the living space, you see everyone talking over each other in lively conversation. Onyankopon is pointing at the small fish tank that sat nestled in the corner of the room as he shouts over to Hange, who is in the middle of cleaning off the coffee table.

“Hange, I didn’t know you had fish.” He bends down to take a closer look at the two little fish darting around shifting plants.

“Oh yes, they’re my little babies!” She stands straight up and jumps over to the tank and continues as she points at the respective tetras. “This one is Sonny and this one is Bean!” You can’t help but chuckle internally at your over enthusiastic sister. Ever since you both moved to Jinae, Hange really wanted pets. They had requested a dog, but they were too overwhelming for you. She wasn’t really around enough to be able to spend time with them anyways which meant most of it would fall on to you and you weren’t okay with that. So, you both compromised on her getting a couple fish to start out with and would think about the notion again later. Thus far, Hange has been very content with them and hasn’t asked for anything else.  

“They’re gorgeous, Hange.” Onyankopon compliments as he stares at the tank. Hange slaps him on the shoulder in appreciation and starts rambling off the reasons why she chose tetras and all the research she did on them.

“That’s it, boys. I win!” Nanaba shouts from the dining table, slamming her cards onto the hard surface. Furlan and Miche groan in frustration, the latter rubbing his face in exhaustion.

“I swear you’re cheating.” Furlan sits back in his chair as he places his own hand down.

“I second that.” Miche leans over to stare at her cards and just sighs. Dejected, he gets up and wanders towards the bathroom, almost running into Erwin as he emerges from that same direction.

“C’mon guys, at least I vetoed any betting.” She calls out, smirking as she piles the cards up and starts shuffling them.

“You just did that out of pity.” Nanaba just cackles maniacally at Furlan’s dispirited comment.

“Hange, there are too many men in here.” She twists in her chair to face your sister who turns to acknowledge Nanaba’s complaint.

“Psh, I’ll drink to that.” And she does, holding her drink up in cheers and takes a big gulp. You roll your eyes, but you agree. There were way too many men in your apartment right now. Just then, there’s a knock at the door and Hange stands up quickly, face alert like a meerkat in the African wilderness.

“Pizza!” They yell and then they’re off to the front door, a wad of cash in hand.

At the same time, the timer goes off with a soft beeping and you’re quick to grab the oven mitts to pull the trays out. You gingerly place the trays on the stovetop to let them cool and Levi reaches past you to turn off the oven, his face in your periphery as you glance to the side. His movements waft his scent straight into your nose and you find yourself breathing it in deeply. He smelled of clean laundry with a hint of body wash. It isn’t overpowering in the slightest and you revel in it.

“You two are missing out on the fun cooping up in here.” Someone speaks out behind you two as they walk through the archway to the kitchen. You both jump at the voice and turn to see Erwin holding an armful of empty alcohol containers.

“Tch, it beats being surrounded by a bunch of loud mouths.” Levi counters, turning back to the cookies to inspect them. You reach over to grab the trash can and hold it up to Erwin for him to dump the trash. Hange comes in behind him and places four stacked pizza boxes on the counter next to you. You stare at your sister in awe and sign, ‘That’s a lot of pizza.’

“I know but I didn’t know how hungry everyone was. Besides! Leftovers.” They give another cheeky grin, and you just playfully punch her arm. Reaching up in the cupboard behind you, you grab a handful of plates for everyone as well a cup for you, now realizing how parched your throat was.

“Oi, grab me one too.” Levi asks next to you, so you grab another after setting what you held down first. When you turn to hand it to him, he’s a lot closer than you expected and accidentally hit him in the side of the head with the glass in hand. He doesn’t even flinch. He’s looking up at you with knit eyebrows and a thin line in place of his lips.

“Ow.” You hear Erwin and Hange stifling laughter as they organize the pizza boxes.

You set the cup down and start signing frantically, ‘I’m sorry.’ over and over again. You place both of your hands on his face and tilt it so you could get a better look at the spot where you hit him, filled with relief when you find no visible damage. You’re in such a panic that you don’t even notice his stunned disposition. Your hands feel so warm against his cool skin, and it’s so soft. You realize what you’re doing after a moment and let your arms drop to your side, mouthing an apology and stepping away from him.

“It’s fine. I didn’t realize how long your arms were.” He mumbles as he walks over to the fridge without another word, cup in one hand, his other pressing against the spot where you smacked him. How long your arms were? That was such a weird thing to say. Flustered, you grab the plates and shuffle them over to the counter with the pizza. Now that they have opened the boxes, you get a closer look at the options.

There were a couple cheeses, one pepperoni, and one pineapple. Your eyes light up and you gaze at Hange with adoration, forgetting what just happened mere moments ago. They wink at you then call for everyone to plate up ‘while it’s hot’.

Yes, you ate pineapple on your pizza. It first began as a joke just to spite those who turned it down, but then you found out you actually enjoyed the taste. There was something about the sweet and savory flavors that blended perfectly.

Levi comes over with two glasses and hands one with what looked to be a dark cola to you. You mouth a ‘thank you’ as you watch his face twist in disgust as he eyes the boxes in front of him. “Are those pineapples?” Levi leans in for a better look, eyebrows knit.

“Pineapples?!” Furlan rushes over from the table to look at the pizza, the new poker game forgotten. “Alright, who’s the one who asked for them?” He looks around the room and spots you with your hand raised in the air.

“Oh my gosh I could hug you right now. Pineapple on pizza is the best!” He exclaims. He leans over the half wall to marvel at it and then looks back up to you with a massive smile. Levi clicks his tongue and grabs a slice out of the cheese box then makes his way into the living room. You can’t help but feel sad at the sudden absence.

.

“Okay, okay. My turn. Hange. Your obsession with zombies, what the fuck is up with that?” Nanaba leans on the coffee table in anticipation. Your sister just cackles and sits up straight as they push their glasses up their nose with a finger. There’s a glimmer in their eyes.

“That’s hardly a difficult question. I grew up watching zombie movies and I just need to know how they tick. Like what kind of sorcery goes into making them do the things they do?!”

“Hange, they’re fictional creatures, there’s no science that could ever explain that!” Moblit shouts from next to her, exhausted. Hange just laughs and goes on a tangent about possible ways to make and cure zombies, but you zone out as it’s a conversation you have had with them for many years. Looking around the table, you smile to yourself. Tonight has been such a fulfilling evening for you. Being around familiar faces as well as getting to know new ones brought more joy to you than you expected. Not to mention this ridiculous game you were all playing that made your face ache from laughter.

Miche had come up with a game called “What the fuck is up with that?” as a way to wind down from such a big dinner. Players ask someone something personal about their life and follow it with ‘what the fuck is up with that?’ and if they refuse to answer it, they have to take a drink. It honestly felt like a more cracked version of “Truth or Dare” but it was fun, nonetheless. You, of course, nursed soda in your hands instead of alcohol so you were the most sober one here.

So far, no one was really trashed. Tipsy, definitely; There were some words that were starting to slur. What surprised you the most was Levi’s soberness in comparison to everyone else considering how many times he had to take a drink. It figures that any questions directed to him, he opted for silence. You do, however, notice his cheeks were ever so slightly flushed when you glance at him next to you. He radiated an aura of relaxation, which you can’t help but assume is a rare thing for him. He turns to meet your gaze, not looking away after what felt like a good minute.

“Okay okay, we get it Hange. Enough!” Your attention is snapped back into the present company, and you break eye contact to see Onyankopon laughing and throwing a balled-up napkin at Hange’s face to shut her up.

“Fine, sorry! Hmm…” Their eyes wander on the people sitting in the circle with them until they land on Furlan’s face. “Alright, Furlan. You! You’re single and you’re extremely attractive. What the fuck is up with that?” Everyone’s attention shifts to Furlan’s bright red face.

“What the fuck is up with the singleness or the attractiveness?” His voice sounds an octave higher.

“Well, both, obviously, dumbass.” Nanaba pitches in.

“I well. Uh.” His eyes flicker to yours and then look away just as quickly. “I just haven’t found what I was looking for yet, I guess. And for the attractiveness, I just am?” He shrugs his shoulders and laughs nervously. He takes a sip of his drink anyways as he averts his gaze to anything but the people in front of him.

“Hmmm. I don’t know if I’m okay with that answer, but I’ll let it slide. Okay, you pick the next one!”

“Oh okay, uhh.” His eyes travel around until they lock eyes with you again. “The berry nickname. What the fuck is up with that?” Everyone’s gaze now shifts on you. You realize that Hange had called you her ‘little berry’ in front of everyone but had never really given an explanation. You bite your bottom lip and start scrawling on your board. Everyone waits for you patiently and a wave of gratitude washes over you. They really were a great group of friends.

‘When I was younger, I used to steal Hange’s berries from their parfaits.’ You flip the board, and everyone is silent as they read. They burst into laughter one by one, Hange included. Even Levi’s scarred mouth has an upturn. You couldn’t give the full story because it would be too long for you to write, but growing up in the foster system meant you were deprived of a lot of good things, one of those being fresh fruit. So, when the night came when the Zoe’s officially adopted you and they wanted to celebrate with parfaits, you went absolutely feral. You had never tasted anything like fresh berries before and they quickly became your favorite thing in the world, next to your sister of course.

“You guys should have seen her for the month after that. All she wanted was berries for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. She prefers strawberries, but we don’t discriminate here. All berries are valid!” She yells, taking another sip of her drink. You laugh silently along with them and start thinking of the next victim. After a few moments, you scribble down what was on your mind. Then you point to Erwin and his eyes bulge at the sudden movement but straightens up anyways, clearing his throat.

‘So Erwin, I notice you’ve been taking my sister out for drinks quite often. Your relationship with them, what the fuck is up with that?” You smile innocently at your sister’s composed face.

“Psh, easy.” He pats your sister on the head and Hange just laughs in response, swatting at it. “You of all people know how fun she is to be around. More so when she’s drunk. She’s a great karaoke partner.” They clink the bottles they had in their hands together and smile at each other. You furrow your eyebrows and stick your tongue out.

‘Boooooooo.’ You write and your sister just shoves your shoulder.

“C’mon, you can’t seriously think there’s anything happening between this,” Hange wiggles their index finger in between her and Erwin. “Like really. We’re definitely not each other’s type.”

Miche snorts and mutters something under his breath but you can’t hear the words. Erwin chuckles and nods in agreement then takes another sip of his drink as he surveys the faces in front of him. They land on Levi and his gray eyes bore into Erwin’s crystal blue.

“Hey Levi…” Erwin has a smirk playing on his lips as he stares at his best friend. “I notice you’ve been smiling when you look down at your phone recently. What the fuck is up with that?” Erwin’s eyes sparkle mischievously. Levi just scoffs but you gawk at him with wide eyes, along with Furlan and Hange. Levi doesn’t smile. Sure, you can always tell when he’s fighting it. But you’ve never seen his curt demeanor break into joy.

Levi narrows his eyes on Erwin then answers with a big swig of his glass, finishing off the contents in it as he continues to stare at his friend. Levi’s face is certainly more flushed than before, the tips of his ears bright red as well. He looks away, refusing to meet anyone’s eyes.

“Booooooo!” Hange echoes what you had exclaimed earlier.

“Leeeeeviiii! Are you talking with someone?! I thought you were mine.” Furlan pouts, arms crossed.

“It’s none of your goddamn business.” Levi’s voice is brusque. He gets up from his spot quickly and takes his empty glass to the kitchen.

“What do you mean? I think your friends deserve to know.” Hange sits up on their knees to call over to Levi’s backside.

“Then we’re not friends.” He says and disappears down the hall to the bathroom.

“Is he always like that?” Nanaba questions as she finishes her own drink as she stares down the hallway.

“Yes, it’s very normal for him.” Erwin states matter-of-factly, chuckling at the rise he got from Levi.

“Short and angry. It’s quite the combo.” Onyankopon cuts in, grinning.

You fidget with the wipe-off marker as you think about how he reacted. It wasn’t very surprising to you. Levi is a very private man when it comes to such things. All of the conversations you had with him were still on a fundamental surface layer. You knew better than to ask anything deeper for fear of him shutting you out, like he just did with Erwin’s question. Levi, at least, didn’t sound angry right now, but you suspect it was because it was someone so close to him asking such a question. If it was you… then. Well, you were scared of what he might do from such an intimate question.

“Yanno what, it’s probably about that time I head out. It’s getting pretty late.” Moblit chimes in as he starts to get up from his spot on the floor.

“Whaaat!? We still have one more thing left to do. Besides, it’s literally,” Hange takes a glance at the clock on the wall. “10:30. Just a little longer??” They clasp their hands as they beg, staring up at her friend.

“I must agree with Moblit here, we need to submit our report before the end of this week.” Onyankopon replies as he gets up as well. He squeezes Hange’s shoulder as he speaks with a slight smile. Hange sticks her bottom lip out.

“Fine, fine. But just know, you’re missing out on only the greatest tradition ever: Making fun of stupid romance movies.”

“I wanna do that!” Nanaba cuts in, laughing at the idea.

“Nanaba, we’re literally your ride home.” Moblit calls out from the dining room as he pulls on his winter jacket. Grabbing Nanaba’s as well, he makes sure to pick up the deck of cards they brought and shoves it into her jacket pocket.

“Boo.” She gets up clumsily and huffs. “You two are no fun.”

“What she said.” Hange says, sticking her tongue out again.

“Seriously though, Hange. Great party. We had a really good time.” Onyankopon compliments as he zips up his own coat. At this point, everyone is standing up as they talk to each other. You glance over and notice that Miche is getting ready to leave too.

‘You’re going too?’ You scrawl to him quickly.

“Ah yes, unfortunately IT never takes a break.” He mutters to you solemnly as you go in to give him a tight hug. “Are we still on for next Wednesday?” You nod at him with a cheerful grin. “Great, I’ll see you then.” He ruffles your hair and walks past to say goodbye to everyone else.

After a few more goodbyes, it’s just you, Hange, Erwin, and Furlan standing in the living room. Your sister and Erwin were conversing about what movie to watch as Furlan shuffles up next to you. Levi still hadn’t come out of the bathroom yet.

“I bet he’s taking a shit.” His blasé statement makes you giggle uncontrollably, your shoulders shaking as you do. You hold your hand to your mouth to compose yourself as you give Furlan such a bewildered look. He just winks at you.

“Furlan, I’m going to kick your ass.” Levi’s sharp voice cuts in behind you both and it makes you both jump.

“Hey now, I was just kidding.” Furlan’s voice wavers as he takes a step back. You wave at Levi with a warm smile, but he just averts his gaze and goes to sit down on the sofa, one leg crossed on his knee. Biting your cheek, you go and find a spot on the floor, making sure to put a pillow under your butt for comfort. Hange and Erwin are flicking through a bunch of streaming apps trying to find the chosen movie for tonight.

“Ah okay, I know what we’re doing!” Hange slaps their hands together in finality. Erwin makes his way to the armchair and sits back with a heavy sigh.

“Not my first choice.” He says, pinching the bridge of his nose with two fingers.

“Oh c’mon. Everything about it screams bad romance. Plus, it’s the worst out of all of them.”

“Hange, you never cease to amaze me.” Furlan states as he takes the spot next to Levi.

Twilight: New Moon? Really? In your heart of hearts, you couldn’t completely hate Twilight as you were practically obsessed with it in your late teens. But you had to agree, it wasn’t the best out of the five films. It’s like Hange knew what you were thinking because they stare directly into your eyes and wiggle their eyebrows at you teasingly. You roll your eyes, and she chuckles.

“Move it, sis. I’m going for the spot behind you.” Hange slips past you to sit on the couch right next to Levi’s other side. You back up so you’re sandwiched in between Hange’s legs, and you yawn with the added warmth. You had a fleeting thought of not being able to finish the movie before falling asleep. How right you were. You don’t even make it past Bella’s dream sequence, drifting off into your own little world. The smell of clean laundry and musky body wash permeates your senses as you do.

.

Levi isn’t even paying attention to the movie. Even if it was something he was interested in, his focus could not be kept on the screen. Levi felt like his heart was about to burst out of his chest as he felt the weight of you leaning against his bad leg. Your soft cheek pressed into his knee while you slept soundly. His joints have been aching for the last hour, but he would sooner touch fire before disturbing you. He couldn’t see your face very well from this angle, but he could only assume how peaceful you looked right now. Your hair is still in buns, but they were much messier than before from the activities of the day, hair falling every which way.

As you sighed softly in your sleep, his mind raced with everything that had happened today. From the ecstatic look in your eyes when you opened the front door to when you had gently cradled his head in your warm hands after hitting him on accident, making sure you didn’t hurt him. He still felt tingles of your touch shooting through his nervous system from that. And making cookies with you, he had more fun than he could admit. You were so meticulous and careful, albeit chaotic in your ways. He found it so endearing.

 Then that damn Erwin asking that stupid question. Erwin knew and still egged him on. Of course, it was you; you were the reason why his heart and stomach did flips whenever he heard his phone vibrate. He wouldn’t allow anyone to know that though, especially you. Not when you already seem so entwined in other people’s lives.

Levi hadn’t missed Furlan’s interest in you. His longtime friend often stated that he wanted to get to know you even more. Not to mention Furlan’s tactless ways of wanting to include you in everything he made plans to do. It seemed as if you weren’t aware of his intentions though, so maybe he wasn’t clear enough. Levi hopes you never pick up on it.

And of course, there was Miche. What kind of relationship did you have with him? Levi didn’t mishear how you had plans with him next week. And the intimate touching? What was that all about? The relationship with Miche did not seem romantic from his viewpoint, but then again.

Levi was never the jealous type, or so he thought. He found that any attention aimed at you ruffled him. What about you made him feel like this? He scoffs under his breath, not able to look away from the back of your head. Hange stops munching on the cookie in her hands and turns at the sound, now noticing you fast asleep on Levi’s knee.

“Want me to take her for you?” They whisper to Levi, shifting to stand up.

“No, it’s fine. I don’t want you to miss out on prime Eduardo and Beatrice or whoever the fuck these people are.” Levi waves his hand dismissively and carefully gets up, making sure to move your head so it doesn’t flop forward. “Which one is her room?” He asks as he stares down at Hange. They regard him in curiosity but smile regardless.

“The door with the sakuras on them.” Levi nods and bends down to effortlessly pick you up despite his smaller frame, cradling you as your head falls back. You’re deeply asleep at this point, he assumes, because you make no motion from the disturbance. Levi feels the stares from Furlan and Erwin as he steps over everyone to make it to the set of bedroom doors down the hall.

As he delicately places you on your bed, he starts to pull the soft comforter up to cover you but then you shift in your sleep, making him pause. With the confirmation of your sleep-induced heavy breathing, he pulls the blanket up the rest of the way and takes a long look at your soft features. The peace that radiated off your face was something he delighted in. How beautiful you were to him.

On his way out, he steps slowly to the door, being mindful of his surroundings as he goes. He spots a couple of framed pictures that littered your cluttered desk. One catches his eye in particular; It’s a photo of when you were very young, maybe 5 or so. He takes a step forward for a closer look, minding the creaking floorboards carefully. An unsettling feeling runs cold in his veins as he recognizes the family that surrounded you as well as the house in the background. He knew that family and he knew that house, and he came to realize he knew you as well.

A flashback hits him like a brick. One of him and the boy in the photo, your brother, playing outside until the sunset. Of you yelling for him with your small voice that it was time for dinner and that he needed to come home. Of your little pigtails completely askew as you cried after falling on the gravel due to a skateboard accident from when him and your brother tried to teach you how to balance on it. Of him giving you a flower to distract you from the pain and your bleeding kneecaps. Of having to move away because his good for nothing father threatened his mom and Levi had warned him to try. Of you and your family waving goodbye as he stared from the rear window, the view of your tear-streaked face getting smaller and smaller as his mom drove away.

He had forgotten all about you, and it seemed you had forgotten about him. A breath hitches in his throat and he turns to look back at you, your face scrunched up from a dream as you pull the blankets closer. No wonder he felt compelled to you, almost like he needed to protect you. With a soft sigh, he creeps slowly to the door and slips out before shutting it close behind him.

You roll over in your sleep, sighing again, the night of the fire haunting your dreams.

☾ Previous Chapter: January ☾ Next Chapter: March

[dindjarindiaries]

WRITER'S CHOICE

These are my personal favorite stories that I've written so far, as well as my favorite stories written by others.

This list will be changed and/or added to over time as new stories emerge.

You can also read my stories on my AO3.

My ratings are as follows: G (all ages), T (13+), M (18+)

main masterlist

MY STORIES

DIN DJARIN SERIES

security* • fem!oc An ex-princess forced to hide and fight for her life, Astra is now on the run with a Mandalorian and a foundling, trying to protect the three of them from the threat of death that creeps around every corner accompanied by a tracking fob. ↳ This series will always be special to me for so many reasons, but mainly because it was the first Din Djarin story I ever wrote. Din and Astra have such a beautiful relationship that I've loved developing over the years. This story is also like a time capsule, as it's constantly being added to the more they create new Mandalorian content. It's very nostalgic to go back and see how my writing has improved over the years through this story alone.

bloodlust* completed • fem!reader A daring favor from Boba Fett sends you and Din undercover together—as a married couple. When tensions rise and mysteries unravel, you’re left to determine what’s real from what’s not before your time runs out. ↳ I truly didn't expect to love this story as much as I did when I started writing it, but I had a ton of fun with this one. It really brings out a very honest yet sensual depiction of Din's character that was really fun to explore. It also allowed me to give him a modern twist without taking Din outside of the Star Wars universe.

DIN DJARIN ONE-SHOTS

ni ceta par gar (i kneel for you)* • reader When Mando needs emotional release, you seek to fulfill your pining by offering something neither one of you can resist—something that could change everything. ↳ Anyone who knows me knows I'm not really a spicy gal, but this story was a fun experiment that turned into something I honestly loved. I adore the way Din behaves in this story, especially in the latter half. It's got a really nice balance between angst, spice, fluff, and hurt/comfort.

united we fall • reader Din’s unable to control the Darksaber and accidentally hurts you with it, leaving behind a deep scar on your body and his mind. ↳ This story was my first response to Din returning in TBOBF, and as an angst girlie, I eat this kind of hurt/comfort right up. It was heartbreaking to depict what Din would have done in this situation, but the comfort he receives is a perfect balm. I come back to this one a lot, and with each new one-shot, I try to recreate whatever energy I created here.

love me louder • reader Your secret romance with the Mandalorian is put at risk when you find yourself in the wrong place at the wrong time. ↳ Forbidden/secret romances are gonna do it for me every time, and it was so fun to bring one to life in this one-shot. Protective Din is my favorite, so to depict that along with the reader character's own strength and reassurance was a really fun balance. I just live for the high-stakes moment in this one.

doomsday • reader You and Din are interrogated by Moff Gideon, who has quickly realized you’re the best weapon he has to use against the Mandalorian. ↳ Like I mentioned earlier, I'm an angst girlie, especially with a hefty dose of hurt/comfort when I can. There's not a ton of physical comfort here, but the emotional comfort throughout the torture was delicious to bring to life. This one is a true testament to what I think Din's strength, mentally and physically, would be in a situation like this.

HUNTER SERIES

senator’s shadow • fem!reader Clone Force 99 is assigned as your protection when you embark on a risky diplomatic mission, and a certain sergeant starts to get protective of you. ↳ Besides the fact that this is my only Hunter series so far (with at least two more coming soon!), this story has been really special to me as of late. It's helped me to bring multiple personalities to life in a way that I think and hope is faithful and accurate, and it also has a delicious tension in its main relationship that's been super fun to develop.

HUNTER ONE-SHOTS

borrowed time • reader You can’t stop staring at Hunter during a mission, and little do you know just how distracting it is for both him and you. ↳ If you know, you know. This one was born out of a single idea that I told myself I had to sit down and write right away, and that's exactly what happened. It's a simple concept, but that payoff at the end is just... probably one of my most intense kissing scenes I've ever written!

at victory’s end• reader You help Hunter to recover from the lasting effects of Hemlock’s torture on Tantiss. ↳ This was my response to the series finale, and for anyone who, like me, yearned to comfort him after those intense events, this one really hits. I do wish I could have expanded it more, but I'm still satisfied with the end result. Seeing Hunter go right into protector mode after he recovers is very on-brand.

in peace, there is love• reader Months after Tantiss in the peacefulness of Pabu, you find it impossible to ignore the feelings you’ve always had for Hunter. ↳ After making characters go through a lot of angst and hurt/comfort, this was a really sweet thing to explore. I especially had a wonderful time describing what Hunter would look like in the height of their retirement era. I hope it's just the first of many retired-Hunter-on-Pabu stories that I'll write.

MY RECOMMENDATIONS

DIN DJARIN SERIES

healer completed • fem!reader → @bestintheparsec You’re medically trained and meet the Mandalorian by chance. Over time, you become more than just a crew member. ↳ This series is the reason why I made this blog and started writing for this fandom. It will always have a special place in my heart because of that. This one truly helped to set the standard for classic Din x reader tropes during/just after season 1 premiered. It's a beautiful, heartfelt ride.

the lovely moons* • blind!reader → @vercopaanir Din buys your freedom and saves your from servitude to instead take you in as a paid crew member. As you help him with the child, you become much closer, your fates now intertwined. ↳ This story reads like a book. Din is very accurately characterized, and there's both faithfulness to canon and some new compelling adventures with high stakes. This one really has it all: incredible writing, heart-stopping action, and a sweet, sweet romance at the heart of it all.

DIN DJARIN ONE-SHOTS

protector • fem!reader → @aerynwrites When the ship is attacked unexpectedly, Din does everything he can to protect you, but you both end up being taken. When they suggest torturing you, Din offers to get tortured instead to save you. ↳ I said it before and I'll say it again: I eat these kinds of angsty hurt/comfort stories UP! This is one of the first I remember reading, and clearly, it's made a massive impact on me. I think about this one all the time. It's such a classic that I revisit time and time again.

HUNTER SERIES

what is this feeling • fem!reader → @masterjedilenawrites You grow close to Hunter when he and the squad are residing with you and protecting your home, but the time comes for them to leave. Misunderstandings lead to jealousy until you're forced to confess how you feel about him. ↳ This Hunter story lives in my mind rent-free all the time. I've already re-read it a few times and I only discovered it a few months ago. This has not only wonderful characterizations of the entire squad, but also just a super sweet and meaningful romance at the center of the story, even when you're yelling at them for not understanding one another.

Have a Din Djarin or Hunter story you'd like me to read? Submit it here, and I'll do my very best to check it out!

main masterlist

[karasucatt]

HELLO! Big fan of your Lion Narinder. Any lion behaviour to expect from him? Love your artstyle. What species of Lamb is yours? How do you depict the Lamb, the way you play them, or your idea for fanart? Do you have any outfits reference for those two? Will Narinder ever grow out his mane again? How does the modern AU of them pan out? Does Narinder get released from his chains? What are their favourite weapons and curses? Does Narinder have any side effect from being chained? I got inspired to make one of my Narinders a lion because of you as well, after @bluecheems lion Narinder.

Have a good month come to you and eat your meals regularly.

YES YES THANK YOU FOR GIVING ME A CHANCE TO RANT WITH SO MANY QUESTIONS

Any lion behaviour to expect from him?

Once Nari starts getting comfy he will nuzzle the Lamb a lot more, both in greeting but also in an affectionate way. He also roars on occasion!! Mainly on missions or when the Lamb takes him on Crusades and they loose him lol. He’ll groom the Lamb as well, commenting about how dirty they get during crusades and that he could spend his time doing something more productive(The Lamb knows he’s just being difficult. Every time they return Naris waiting to clean them up before they show themselves fully to the cult)

What species of Lamb is yours? How do you depict the Lamb, the way you play them, or your idea for fanart?

The closest I can get to answering the first question is actually a goat! The way I draw my lamb is heavily inspired by the Dreamurr family(specifically Asriel) so really they’re more like a goat with fluffy hair lol. As for how I depict them, well I love me a good codependent relationship turned two assholes learning how to heal.

My lamb sees themselves as the faithful servant to TOWW at first so they don’t speak(unless it’s to Nojular to announce to the others or during sermons), keep their wool short, and focus only on crusades and keeping the cult stable. It’s once they defeat Kallamar that they start opening up. The crown speaking to them gave them a new boost of confidence(and a tad bit of inanity) so they began speaking more, directing the cult, and focusing on their relationship with their followers more then crusading. With the indoctrination of the cults brand new Therapist(No one asked Focalor to do it they just took up the job themselves), the Lamb was able to work through a lot of their issues.

Now with Nari in the cult, they’ve started their ascension into godhood. This takes a big toll on their mental state, causing more murder episodes and mood swings. Nari knows how bad the ascension process can fuck someone up so he’s helping where he can. The Lamb appreciates it a lot.

Will Narinder ever grow out his mane again?

Nari actually likes it short!! The Lamb asks him this same question all the time and Narinder always says he likes it short. Though he does grow out parts just so the Lamb can braid and decorate it.

How does the modern AU of them pan out? Does Narinder get released from his chains?

I have comics and things planned for the Modern AU so stay tuned for those!! I can say that Nari does get released from his chains by the Lamb on accident. Now he has to learn how to live among mortals and the Lamb is marching straight to their Professor to try and learn more about the formerly sealed god.

What are their favourite weapons and curses?

I generally don’t use curses actually!! I prefer things with high speed and high damage so my best answer is that I like Swords!(I despise guns and hammers they so slow for my lambs nimble ass)

Does Narinder have any side effect from being chained?

He has PTSD from the imprisoning battle and gets the phantom feeling of chains on his wrists from time to time. While he likes his alone time he’ll actually cling to the Lamb once he’s spent more time in the cult. He’s terrified of being alone even if he won’t admit it.

Thank you so so soooo much for this long ask I really wanted to info dump lol! I do have my own outfit designs for them and I’ll leave them below(the Lamb is based off of when they first save Leshy from purgatory. The more recent design you see is based off of when all four bishops have been saved. I’ll make a proper reference for it one day lol)

[sirignatius]

My thoughts on Persona 3 Reload

I recently finished Persona 3 Reload and it has definitely been a journey. I wanted to sort out some of my personal experiences with the game and share a few details that stuck with me. Spoiler warning if you keep reading! I included some thoughts on certain parts of the game, including some clips of the ending cutscene, so keep that in mind if you haven’t finished it yet!

Persona is such a dear series to me. After finishing P4 and P5, P3 was the last one I needed to play to complete the modern Persona lineup. So, when Persona 3 Reload released on February 1st, I was really excited to play it, but I had to hold off since I was right in the middle of finishing my thesis.

March was just absolute chaos for me: I went through some personal hardships and, finally, turned in my master’s thesis. Easily one of the most stressful periods of my life. Thankfully, I had some incredible friends by my side, supporting me through every step, then and now. I honestly couldn’t have made it through without them.

In the meantime, I figured it’d be better to hold off on P3R for a bit, partly because of its heavy atmosphere and the darker themes, but also because I honestly wasn’t in the best mindset to enjoy it.

For the record, I’m just obsessed with the Persona OSTs, but I wanted to stay away from the new P3 soundtrack so I could experience it in-game. But of course, ONE song managed to sneak past my defenses and land in my playlist. On my way to work, Color Your Night came on for the first time, and honestly, my jaw just dropped.

To this day, I still think it’s a beautiful song! I listen to it almost daily, along with a bunch of other tracks from the game. I wasn’t expecting something so intimate yet so upbeat, and it totally blew me away. Thinking back, I honestly think it gave me that extra push to finish my thesis so I could finally start the game.

This is not meant to be a full game review, but as I played, I felt like P3R wanted to clearly distinguish itself from the original P3. Where the OG game had this edgy, darker vibe, P3R felt more like a celebration of life in comparison. I haven’t played the original, but I’ve listened a lot to its OST, and you can tell they tried to step away from that feeling while honoring Shoji Meguro’s masterpieces.

The interface design is just chef’s kiss. I'm obsessed with the pause menu. It feels like every time I hit pause, time just stops —a little break from all the stressful thoughts, like looking at the world through a calm water barrier. Can we take a moment to appreciate how gorgeous that menu is??

I love how the designers went all in for the water aesthetic: it’s in the menus, the color schemes, the little effects on the music tracks ( like that bubble sound at the start of Full Moon Full Life, 0:28 if you are wondering :] ). They really nailed it.

Then, there’s the endgame. It hits hard with the “take responsibility for your actions” thing, especially after December 31. Choosing to fight to the end completely changes the atmosphere—the color palette gets less saturated and the music takes a more nostalgic tone (Living with Determination, Memories of School, Memories of the City; I find that last one quite disturbing). It’s like the game is telling you that everything comes to an end. It wouldn’t be as impactful if it didn’t. I feel like these songs are the MC’s memories of all the places he’s been in the past year, knowing things will never be the same.

It’s especially heartbreaking on that last day when the MC talks to all their confidants, and they start sharing all the things they’re planning to do soon. Shoutout to Koromaru-san, the goodest boy of them all ;-;

And then, that final scene with Aigis absolutely destroyed me. I wasn’t ready. I like to think she’s using that moment to show us how she’s found her own purpose, and even though she feels sorrow for the MC, she’s learned how to keep going. It hit me so hard. The moment itself is sad, but the atmosphere feels so calm and gentle, like floating on a cloud. And then, after the cutscene, it’s over, and I’m left in tears—not just because it ended, but because of everything we, as the MC, left behind along the way.

And as the game closes, we get Memories of You. After years of listening to it out of context, I finally realized it was the ending theme all along! If you haven’t heard the English lyrics, please do—they’re beautiful, like a love letter from Aigis, saying she’ll be there to protect and remember you forever.

This ended up being a bit of a brain dump, so I hope it makes sense. Please feel free to share any thoughts you may have about the game if you feel like it! And thank you if you read all the way to the end! Truly, thank you so much.

Final shoutout to my dear friends for all the support they gave me through everything. I hope I can also protect them forever as well.

[thetempleofthemasaigoddess]

One of a kind

Elrond x reader. This is a modern AU!

This fic is dedicated to @montyc @lady-of-imladris and @sotwk. You guys rock!!

*****

The small bookstore, situated in the oldest part of the city and semi-hidden between a laundromat and a grocery store, is a decidedly peculiar place. No volumes with brightly coloured covers arranged in alphabetical order or grouped by topic on the shelves, no new releases put on display on the front window, no section reserved to academic texts or books for children. It is a tiny, dusty space, with tomes of all sorts, sizes and shapes (!) piled in the corners or spread over tables; some look like they have not been touched for years, or are barely legible. It looks more like a pawn shop or a flea market than a bookstore, but the unassuming, modest appearance hides a veritable treasure cove: the store deals with rare and antique books, including many unique pieces, some of which are worth as much as the rent of a four rooms apartment. You adore it, and adore spending hours browsing around: you have been studying, and working with, old books ever since you were a girl, and in the bookstore you have found many precious volumes to add to your private collection; were it for you, you would never leave.

The sole downside of the store is its owner…

In a cool, rainy fall afternoon, you are wandering about as usual, inspecting the hundreds of books all around you, some of which are even piled under the furniture, given the lack of space, protectively holding the loot of today against your chest: a book printed at the beginning of the last century, in mint conditions, that many experts in the field considered lost. You know already that the store owner will ask a high sum for it, but the book is well worth it.

As you continue your tour in the barely lit rooms, the old parquet crackling under your feet, you find yourself walking by the counter: the owner, behind it, is discussing with a young man with dark hair, who you briefly, almost reflexively, glance at… and find yourself unable to look away.

He looks roughly your age, with the slender, strong build you would expect from an athlete, short hair the colour of oak wood framing the sort of face you had only seen in centuries-old paintings: he is simply dressed -jeans, a soft sweater, dark boots- but there is something elegant, even refined, in him. You move a few, hopefully unseen, steps towards him, to better look at him under the soft light of the old chandelier… and your eyes fall on the book the man and the store owner are discussing about; it is sitting on the counter between them, and when you recognize it, your heart skips a beat or four.

“So… how much could it be worth in your opinion, sir?” the man asks, his polite tone betraying a hint of anxiety.

“Hmm, let’s see...” the owner answers with the condescending tone you are used to, but still dislike “It is in fairly good conditions. I’d say… a hundred.”

The book you had chosen almost slips from your hands. A hundred?!?!

“So little?” the man asks, disappointment evident on his fair face “It is antique, I thought...”

“So it is, but what makes a book valuable is its rarity, not so much its age. This edition of your book was printed in more than five thousand copies, which significantly reduces its worth.”

“Oh.”

The man sighs, visibly saddened. “I see. A hundred is fine.”

The two men, engrossed in their conversation, pay you no mind, and you wait until the store owner has opened a drawer under the counter to take the money before making your move.

“If I may interrupt.” you intervene in your sweetest tone as you approach; the store owner glares at you.

“What do you want?”

“Simply to take a look at the book, if the gentleman allows.” you explain before addressing him directly “Do you mind? I am a bibliographer, and antique and rare books are exactly my field of study.”

“Of course.” he readily answers as he turns towards you, and for a moment you feel your heart tremble because of the soft, clever but kind look of his dark eyes, pink lips opening in a friendly smile; he is undoubtedly one of the most attractive people you have met in a long time, attractive enough to leave you speechless for a moment, but the weight of the book he is offering you in your hands quickly brings you back to attention. It is as you thought: a copy of The Annals of the Beleriand printed at the very beginning of the last century. And it is in perfect conditions!

“I had not seen one of these for years!” you exclaim, as usual unable to hide your excitement when a rare book is concerned “May I ask how you came by this?”

“It is part of the book collection we inherited from our parents.” the man explains; he has sensed your interest, and looks at you hopefully “Do you think it is worth more than a hundred?”

“I’d say! Normally, two hundreds would be a fair price for a book from this period, but for a particularity: it is said that the warehouse where the copies of this edition were kept was set aflame on the night before the books were supposed to be transferred and put on the market.”

“You are saying the books burnt?”

“I am; the fire very nearly spread to the whole street, according to an old newspaper article I read. Anyway, only six copies were said to have survived; including this, and another one which is in my possession.” you explain with satisfaction, and then offer your sweetest smile to the store owner, who has gone red in the face with anger and irritation “I am sure our friend here was unaware of this little detail, otherwise he would have never offered you such a modest sum.”

The dark-haired man’s smile, already aware you saved him from being swindled, grows even larger, and grateful; there is no need for words, and in a moment, you have allied against the owner. “And since you are clearly an expert on the subject, what price do you think I should accept?” he asks, his eyes boring into yours.

Ah! “I would say...” dramatic pause “A thousand.”

It is ten times the sum the man was going to accept, had you not intervened, and this makes him gasp with joy; the bookstore owner, on the other hand, looks on the verge of a heart attack.

“Of course, if the gentleman here cannot afford to offer such a figure, I know a few people who…”

“No, no, just a second!” the owner protests “The book’s conditions are not so satisfactory after all. I think seven hundred is…”

“A thousand.” your new friend interrupts him, still polite but clearly determined not to accept less than what he could ask for “Either a thousand or the deal is over.”

It is with great pleasure that you observe as the owner takes the agreed sum out of the drawer and rudely puts it in the hands of the client; on his request, he also writes a receipt for the sale.

“I’d like to buy this instead.” you state then, handing the man the book you had chosen, and your credit card “I think four hundred is a fair price.”

The owner glares at you; if looks could kill, friends and family would be already gathered to cry on your tomb. “It’s not up to the client to decide the price. Six hundred.”

“Four hundred and fifty.”

“Five hundred and fifty.”

“Five hundred.”

“Five hundred, all right.” he finally relents with a sigh, while you mentally pat yourself on the back; this is a fair price, and the one you had intention to pay from the start. You put the book in your bag, while the man next to you does the same with his money.

“Goodbye and thank you!” you say almost as one to the owner, still glaring at you both while he looks at the man open the door and let you pass first.

Once you are both outside, the dark-haired man smiles at you, full of joy and relief. “If we were a couple of teenagers, I would now high-five you.” he confesses “But since we are both adults, I’ll limit myself to thank you from the bottom of my heart, for your help.”

“It was a real pleasure.” you sincerely answer, while impulsively you offer his your hand “I am (full name).”

“Elrond Peredhel. Pleased to meet you.”

Elrond’s hand -the grasp firm but not painful, the fingers long and elegant… and naked, you cannot help but noticing, with no wedding or engagement ring on sight- shakes yours; the gaze of his dark eyes is so intense it makes you shiver… and the sensation is not at all unpleasant.

“How may I repay you?”

“There is no need, really; I can’t stand those who take advantage of other people’s ingenuity.”

“I agree, but thanks to you I earned ten times what I would have otherwise. May I at least buy you dinner?”

He is not asking you out, unfortunately, but you like his approach, the ability to recognize he is in debt without humbling himself; he has a self-confident, but not proud, bearing, this young man you find yourself liking more with each passing minute. Who knows, maybe he has other books to sell, and in that case you could meet again at the store…

“Thank you, but I really can’t accept.” you answer, forcing yourself not to take advantage of his generosity “Dinner would be far too much…”

“A drink, then?” Elrond insists, a friendly smile softening the insistence in his words “Wherever you wish.”

By now you can’t help smiling; why not, after all?, you ask yourself; he’s offering, and all you ask is to enjoy his attention for a while. “All right; if you are sure, thank you.”

You decide on a nearby pub. It has started raining, and Elrond covers both with his umbrella as you walk towards it, his boots and your sneakers advancing side by side on the wet cobblestone.

“You are a regular at the bookstore, I gathered.”

“I really am. The owner hates me, and the only thing stopping him from shutting the door in my face is the fact that I am his best customer, and I have brought many others to the store. It really is the best place in town when it comes to rare and antique books, which is why I put up with him.” you explain with a sigh, and Elrond smiles.

“Well, all the better for me.”

You reach the pub five minutes later, and soon you and Elrond are sitting at one of the round, lacquered tables; as a perfect gentleman, he lets you order first.

“Forgive me if I say so, but a thousand seems like an absurd sum for a book.”

“I understand you’re surprised, but believe me, that is a pretty standard price for what I usually deal with, and I have seen many volumes sold for much higher prices.” you eagerly explain; you like to talk about your job, especially when the interlocutor is clearly interested in what you have to say “Last year, a first edition of The Red Book of Westmarch was sold for a hundred thousand. And that is not the most striking case.”

“Hmm…”

Elrond sips his drink as he reflects on your words. “Would you be able to assess the value of any rare book? And to put the owner in touch with a potential buyer?” he inquires in the end.

“Of course, with a little time at my disposal.” you proudly answer “I know many collectors and bibliophiles, and even a few auction houses. Why, you have other treasures to sell?”

Elrond’s expression turns serious, almost circumspect, as he takes a notebook out of his bag, opens it and then offers it to you. “I think I can trust you.” he states, and you are taken aback at how proud, and sincerely happy, you feel because of that assessment “Here, tell me what you think.”

Listed on the pages of the notebook in a small and elegant calligraphy, under the title Ada’s books are more than a hundred volumes; of each, Elrond has neatly listed the title, the year of publication, the editor and the conditions - mostly perfect or very good.

And what a list! You feel your eyes widen as you scroll down the page and realize the content of this notebook is a veritable treasure cave. First editions, novels in languages that were only printed once, signed copies… if they are all, or even just half of them, genuine -which you can’t assume, no matter how friendly and handsome Elrond is; like any bibliographer, you are by now an expert in recognizing a forgery, and you can’t count the times the masterpiece you thought you had discovered was actually not even twenty years old- this is a discovery worth to be shown to all the experts in the field, and even to be exhibited.

“So? What do you think?” Elrond anxiously asks, and you make sure to look at him in the eyes before answering.

“I feel as if I had opened a cookie box and found all three Silmarils inside.”

His cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink. “Oh, come on…!”

“I am deadly serious, Elrond. This list… some volumes on it are first editions, and a few must be rare enough to be classified as almost impossible to find. There is at least a title, maybe two, for which a single copy was thought to exist until now! Eru… it is a veritable fortune! We are talking of very sizeable sums, if you were to sell them.”

“Please! Lower your voice!” Elrond urges you, discretely looking all around him.

“Sorry, sorry. It is just…”

You swallow the rest of your drink in a gulp; you are so excited that the hand holding the glass is shaking.

“I am sorry; when it comes to rare books, I lose the sense of moderation like some women do in a clothing boutique; I really am obsessed. My mother says this is why I am still single.” you admit, making him laugh “How did you come by this… collection?”

Elrond explains that his ancestors have bought rare books for decades, and that through the generations the collection, by now of considerable size and richness, was bequeathed to him and his twin brother Elros. Then, the expression of your new friend turns sad.

“Our parents were… taken from us when we were very young. We were kidnapped, in a sense, and then we were informed they had died.” he explains, catching you a bit off-guard; you can’t see how that tragedy is linked to the book collection, but that doesn’t prevent you from offering him your sincere condolences.

“I am so sorry, Elrond; it’s… it’s a terrible thing to experience, especially when one is so young.”

“It was. Now we are older, and we manage just fine, except… my brother fell ill, six months ago; very ill, enough that for a while we thought he would not… anyway, there is a cure that has a good probability to restore his health, but it is costly. Very costly - too much for me, and none of our friends can help in a way that would really matter.”

Even with the relatively good news of the cure, taking care of his brother has clearly taken a toll on Elrond; his sad, scared and still brave smile talks of a man who has spent more than one sleepless night wondering how to save the life of the only family he has left. Poor, poor Elrond, you think as you feel your heart break for him; you have already taken a liking to him, to his sweet smile and expressive dark eyes, but this poor man is dealing with problems you would not wish on your worse enemy, and that are taking a toll more on his mental equilibrium than on his economic situation.

“I am so sorry, Elrond.” you whisper; instinctively, and even though you have never been used to physical contact with people you have barely met, your hand finds his arm on the table, and gently squeezes it in consolation “I took care of my father for years before… before he left; I know how painful it is.”

“Thank you, (name). But there is no need for condolences; Elros will live, I know, I only need to help him, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do to in order to give him just one more chance. To sell our family’s book collection was a tough decision -all of it, should it be necessary- considering it is one of the few things we have left of our father, but my brother comes before everything else.”

Elrond smiles. “Thanks to you, that copy of the Annals will pay for two months of his therapy; so thank you, (name), thank you so much.”

You tell him you are happy you could help, especially now that you know what he will use the money for. “Maybe… maybe I could do something else.” you tentatively add, suddenly shy for a reason you can’t fully comprehend but determined to support Elrond in any way you can, for no reason but the need to make sure his brother receives the best of care, and the love and the concern you see in his dark eyes. “Could I borrow this list? Or could you make me a copy?”

“Why?”

“Even at first glance it is clear that you are in possession of a veritable gold mine in books, but I would like to do a throughout research on a few of this volumes. I need to consult a few database and maybe with one or two colleagues, and check with the auction houses to see what price we -you- could realistically hope to sell at, because sometimes simply there is no one willing, or able, to pay a fair price. You could tell me if there are volumes you would be more inclined to sell, or what sum you need for Elros’ next cycle of therapy, and I would do my best to find a buyer. What do you think?”

Elrond doesn’t think much, at the moment, judging by his overwhelmed expression. “I… I had thought about bringing one or two volumes at a time at the bookstore…”

“You could; but as you have seen, the store owner is the last person you could expect a fair payment from; if you let an expert -which I am, false modesty aside- help you, you will be sure no one is taking advantage of you.”

“And you could help me? You would?”

“Of course.” you reassure him with a smile “This is what I do. I usually take a percentage of each sale I help arrange, but don’t worry, I am relatively cheap - ehm, my fee is.”

You would be tempted to add you can repay me taking me out to dinner or something like that, but you don’t; even in jest it would be offensive, given what Elrond told you regarding his brother, and you have seen enough of him to know already he would be terribly embarrassed by your proposal. It would be highly inappropriate… for now, at least, and regardless of whether he would be inclined to accept or not. Who knows...

A quick telephone number and e-mail address exchange later, Elrond promises to send you a copy of the list before the end of the day, and you to get down to work as soon as he does.

“Meeting you was a gift from above, (name).” Elrond says “I am sorry you had to waste a whole afternoon because of me.”

“Believe me, I was happy to help.” you answer, as sincere as you have never been before, while you leave the pub together, under a sky devoid of clouds, the blue almost blinding “And I had nothing else to do, to be honest. I have walked my dog this morning and I, uhm, I am not married, you know, and so...”

“Well, all the better for me.” Elrond says, and then, realizing the implications, he blushes a fiery red “I mean… otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to consult you, and...”

He’s stammering, but he smiles when he sees you do the same, and finds again the polite, self-assured attitude you have already witnessed while he spoke to the bookstore owner; you have dealt with your fair share of rare books, you suddenly reflect, but he is the first real one of a kind you have ever encountered. “I’ll write to you as soon as I get home, (name).” he promises.

“Amazing. You’ll hear from me very soon, I promise.”

He hesitates for a moment -he is still blushing- and then kisses you on the cheek, his touch as delicate as a sparrow’s wing. You depart, stopping just once to look at Elrond’s elegant, slender form walking away, and then you set off for home, feeling happy for reasons that have nothing to do with the antique book stored in your bag.

Tagging as usual @starlady66 and @elvenenby.

[quodekash]

more eclipse incorrect quotes because im broken

—- —- Wat: I told Akk that his ears turn red when he lies. Sani: Do they? Wat: No. Sani: Then why did you tell him that? Wat: Because I can do this. Wat: Hey Akk! Do you love us? Akk, with his hands over his ears: No. 

—- —-

Wat: *pretending to joke* So when are you going to go out with me? Namo: I don't know. When are you going to ask me to? Kan: And you just ran away?! Wat: I didn't expect him to flirt back! 

—- —-

Namo: Like, no offense to myself and all, but what the fuck am I actually doing? (but this one is actually all of them) —- —-

Wat: Are you the big spoon or the little spoon? Akk: I'm a knife. Aye, from across the room: He's the little spoon.

(just kidding, they alternate. they both wanna hug and be hugged and i love them) —- —-

Waree: Is there something you would like to say, Sani? Sani: Oh, there are SEVERAL things I would like to say.

(sani during that one scene was ICONIC i love her so much)  —- —-

*out grocery shopping* Wat: *takes a free sample twice* Wat: Robbery and Fraud. I am a Rebel.

—- —-

Kan: *tapping fingers on table* Wat: *taps fingers back furiously* Aye: …What’s going on? Akk: Morse code. They’re talking. Kan: -.-- --- ..- / .-.. .. -.- . / - .... . / ... . -.-. ..- .-. .. - -.-- / --. ..- .- .-. -.. Wat: *slams hands on table* YOU TAKE THAT BACK! 

(morse code translation: you like the security guard)  —- —-

Aye: How do you want your coffee? Akk: Black, like my soul. Aye: Aye: Akk, your soul is a latte. 

—- —-

Namo: My life is a little too much panic and not enough disco. Aye: My life is a little too much fall and not enough boy. Kan: My life is a little too much chemical and not enough romance. Wat: My life is a little too much imagination and not nearly enough dragons. 

—- —-

Akk: My life isn't as glamourous as my wanted poster makes it look. 

—- —-

Akk: All snacks are gone. Aye: I AM LITERALLY RIGHT HERE?! 

—- —-

Wat: May luck (and this picture of Akk eating shredded cheese at 3 in the morning) be with you. 

—- —-

Wat: Strawberry milk doesn’t taste like strawberry OR milk. Namo: Go the fuck to sleep Wat. 

(it was a crime of them to give us NOTHING of watnamo sleeping in the same cabin in os2, and i wholeheartedly believe this happened)  —- —-

Thua: And I’d love to be sorry for that, but we all know I’ve done much, much worse. 

—- —-

Akk: You're a lying piece of shit! Aye: Oh yeah? You're the idiot that thinks you can get away with everything you do, WELCOME TO THE REAL WORLD! Akk: I'm leaving and I'm taking Singto with me! Sani, gathering cards: Aaaaand that's enough Monopoly for today. 

—- —-

Aye: Every time I hear someone talking about updog, I’m torn between not wanting to fall for it and wanting to help them complete their joke. Namo: Okay, but what is updog? Kan: Updog is a long sausage in a bun, often served with ketchup, mustard, onions, and/or relish. Wat: No, that’s a hot dog. An updog is when a new version or patch of an application is released. Thua: No, that's an update. You’re thinking of the fourth largest city in Sweden. Akk: Surely, that’s Uppsala, whereas updog is the giant spider in Harry Potter. Aye: That’s Aragog. Updog is a symbol conventionally used for an arbitrarily small number in analysis proofs. Wat: You’re thinking of epsilon. Updog is an upward-moving air current. Kan: No, that’s an updraft. An updog is the modern version of a henway. Namo: What’s a henway?? Aye: Oh, about five pounds.

 (i just think they would all mess with namo like this)  —- —-

Kidnapper: We have your child Aye: I don’t have a child? Kidnapper: Then who just asked for warm milk and made us cut the crusts off their sandwich? Aye: Oh god, you have Namo 

—- —-

Aye: Hey, Akk. What kind of flowers do you prefer? Akk: I like sunflowers. Akk, pulling out a bouquet of Venus Flytraps: Well, shit- 

(AKK SUNFLOWER BOI HE IS A LITTLE FLOWER I LOVE HIM)  —- —-

Thua: Mice are having sex in my walls. Wat: Tattletale! Namo: You're just being ungrateful. Kan: It's their home too, you know. Aye: So what? Don't slutshame them. Thua: The mice are fucking AND now I'm getting heckled. 

(bro this is what you get for outing people)  —- —-

Sani: If you put a milkshake in one yard and crack open a cold one in another yard, which yard would the boys go to? Thua: Schrödinger's boys. Namo: FUCK! Kan: What about cracking open a cold milkshake? Aye: As we all know, the milkshake brings the boys to the yard. The presence of the boys is a prerequisite for the cracking open of a cold one, but cold ones do not have any inherent boy-attracting abilities. Milkshakes, however, do.   Aye: All else being equal, the boys would proceed to the milkshake yard. While it is possible to announce the presence of cold ones in the hope of attracting some boys, the pull of the milkshake is much more powerful by comparison. Sani: … Thua: … Namo: … Kan: … Aye: Mind you, all of this nonsense hinges on whether or not the boys are back in town. 

(sani young millennial / old gen z teacher we love her, aye gremlin meme child we love him)  —- —-

*The squad's reaction to being told they're the chosen one* Namo: I will not let you down. Kan: Sounds fun. Aye: K. Wat: No, I'm fucking not. Aye again: Do I have to be? Akk: Please god, I am so tired. 

(thua didn’t really feel like he fit any of those options which is why hes not there)  —- —-

Aye: Chadok’s gonna kill me. Akk: No, he’ll probably make me do it. 

—- —-

Akk, hungover: Please tell me I'm imagining that I claimed I was king of the ducks. Kan: I would, but then I would be lying to the King of All Ducks. 

—- —-

Akk: The only straight I am is a straight-up badass. Aye: Correction: the only straight you are is straight-up babygirl. 

—- —-

*Akk and Aye looking at a locked gate into a park* Akk: Aw. :( Aye: You know what they say. Akk: Please don’t- Aye: BE GAY DO CRIME! *hops gate* Akk: Frick- 

—- —-

thats all for now! 

ill be back, i promise. 

[black-arcana]

JINJER Announces Fifth Studio Album, 'Duél'

Ukrainian modern progressive metallers JINJER will release their fifth studio album, "Duél", on February 7, 2025 via Napalm Records.

Technical grooves and heavy progressive passages, brutally clear vocals and skillful growls by matchless vocalist Tatiana Shmayluk have garnered the quartet millions of cross-platform streams and views worldwide, as well as revered renown with fans and critics alike. JINJER have traversed glorious paths of tireless touring and extremely successful album releases, including their most recent chart-topping studio album, 2021's "Wallflowers". "Duél" showcases the band at the very top of their game and marks yet another matchless milestone in the world of modern metal!

After releasing their breathtaking single and video "Someone's Daughter", followed by the heavy-hitting single "Rogue" earlier this year, JINJER now unleash another untamed beast with their new track "Kafka". Dominated by Tatiana's remarkably clear vocals, "Kafka" is a heavy and slow tamper, digging deep under one's skin just to break right through with venomous growls in the end.

Shmayluk on "Kafka": "Being an artist is sometimes beautiful but most of the time it's brutal… as our art is dissected word for word and ripped apart note by note. We're expected to be on point all the time … and when we aren't, we are scandalized. A true artist is vulnerable but the crowd is most often plagued with vultures who pick at every single move you make. It's a slippery slope when music means the world to us but how quickly praise turns into prosecution… We are all Kings and Queens for a day but most of the time it feels like a Kafka novel for a lifetime. It's exciting but surreal and absurd at the same time."

While JINJER's previous album, "Wallflowers", was slightly more alluring and contained noticeably more clean vocals, "Duél" now takes on a much more aggressive tone. This is proven by songs like "Rogue", "Green Serpent" and "Dark Bile", with their brutal and hefty breakdowns. Fans of Shmayluk's clear vocals also get their moments, as tracks such as the opener "Tantrum" show the potential of the frontwoman's outstanding vocal prowess. "Duél" presents itself way more cruelly — and JINJER are more vicious than ever before. "Fast Draw" is a wild death metal beast with grooving drums from Vlad Ulasevich, Roman Ibramkhalilov's one-of-a-kind riffs and Eugene Abdukhanov's trademark bass wizardry — showing what this band does best: brilliant state-of the-art modern metal.

On "Duél", JINJER continue their long-lasting collaboration with accomplished producer Max Morton, who co-produced, mixed and mastered the album. This new masterwork lives up to JINJER's reputation as metal visionaries, once more showing that the band refuses to follow any set rules in their genre, but choose their own path of creativity.

Eugene Abdukhanov, JINJER bassist, states about the new album: "First of all, it‘s hard to believe that we're about to release our fifth full-length album! After all the releases we've made, finally having 'Duél' in our hands and ready to be shared with the world makes us very proud that our band still hasn't run out of creativity and inspiration. The fact that we still challenge ourselves to release the best music we have ever made with each new release is what keeps JINJER moving forward.

"This upcoming album was the longest songwriting process we've ever had and it took almost two years to complete. We worked very hard with every free minute we weren't on tour, recording demos over and over again and always searching for the perfect sound for guitars, bass and drums. It was also the first time that Tatiana did vocal pre-productions, so it's safe to say that none of our releases were so well thought out and calculated as this one. It pulverizes the boundaries of the modern progressive metal genre but still remains sophisticated, exciting and extreme all at the same time. We took up the challenge to expand our musical horizons even wider than before in order to cement Duél to be the next step in JINJER's musical growth and hopefully the evolution of metal music in general."

"Duél" track listing:

01. Tantrum 02. Hedonist 03. Rogue 04. Tumbleweed 05. Green Serpent 06. Kafka 07. Dark Bile 08. Fast Draw 09. Someone's Daughter 10. A Tongue So Sly 11. Duél

Over the past 15 years, JINJER has attained remarkable milestones, touring globally and captivating millions at prestigious festivals like Wacken Open Air and Download. They've headlined sold-out shows across Europe and North America, and have thrilled audiences in destinations like Dubai, Philippines, Turkey, Japan and South Africa. As they continue their journey this year, JINJER is set to make a major impact on the music scene. Having previously shared stages with the likes of ARCH ENEMY and CRADLE OF FILTH, they are ready to kick off as support of SEPULTURA's farewell tour in Europe, and conclude their tour with a headline run through Latin America.

Photo credit: Lina Glasir

[queenoftheworldisdead]

The Night Shift

Chapter 2

A/N: Reader is female. No physical descriptors used. Let me know if i fucked up and not do that. Chat me up i don't bite!

Warning: Adult content only! 18+ only please. Dark! NON-CON, sexual assault, Sleep paralysis, roofed, oral.

Summary: You start a new job at the best hotel and resort in your beautiful beach town. Things start to go bad when your transferred to the night shift.

Jonathan Pine x Reader

🌺

The dreaded time has come. You’d tried to prepare, but sleeping during the day was still somewhat impossible.

From the time clock you hear the cheerful chatter from the 2nd shifters. They’ll be more happy to see you than you than the other way around.

As you near the archway to the lobby, you spot Sarah, Connie and Amber busy at work. You haven’t really gotten to know the other two yet; they always seemed a bit distant. They probably thought you’re weird, like everyone else in your life. Maybe that’s the real reason why they moved you to the graveyard shift.

Sarah spots you and waves. You’re gonna miss her. She was the only friend you’d made so far, and now you’d be back to square one.

Third shift ran on a skeleton crew you found out. One clerk, you, and one manager, Mr. Pine, who you suspected would be holed up in his office all night like the other managers. Housekeeping and security were always on the move, never in one spot for long, and worked out of a separate building, making it nearly impossible to even cross paths. The kitchen was fully staffed but always hectic and intimidating, and shutdown at midnight.

If you could have your phone, you could push through the impending loneliness, but it was strictly against policy to have them during shifts.

“Ready for your all nighter?”

The sudden voice snaps you out of your thoughts, and you let out a squeak. Heads turn from the lobby to you. You quickly lower your gaze and hide, their attention doesn’t last, but it’s still embarrassing.

“Oh, sorry darling, I didn’t mean to startle you.” Mr. Pine apologizes, patting your back comfortingly.

You stiffen when his hand slips to the small of your back and lingers a bit longer than you’d like. He’s probably just being nice, you reason, but the thought doesn’t quite ease the awkwardness.

You force a small smile and he releases, as if it was what he was waiting for.

“I-It’s ok. I was just a little startled. I didn’t notice you there.” You reply, still a little frazzled.

“I’ve been told I’m a bit light-footed. I’ll do better next time and try to make myself a little less invisible." He remarks with a grin. You appreciate the light-heated attempt to comfort you. Maybe one day you'd stop acting like a startled rabbit—but probably not.

🌺

Check-ins cool down and Connie’s the first to log off. You offer a meek goodbye before quickly scurrying away to take her spot.

Connie smiles as you cross paths, and you smile back, but realize too late that her attention is on Mr. Pine and not you.

They share a laugh and converse while you quietly take over her station, brushing off the interaction. It’s not the first time its happened, being ignored was more of what you were used to.

You log into your stations computer. Despite how modern and luxurious the hotel, the clerk computers are old and clunky and only good for handling guest and nothing more.

“Hey heads up. Bachelor party checked earlier, but left a while ago. Already drunk,” Sarah informs as she approaches. “When they get back expect a lot of noise complaints. If they get out of hand let security know, it’ll finally give them something useful to do.”

“Thanks. Will do.”

Rowdy guest were nothing new to you. If they did cut up at least it would spice up your night.

“Are you OK? You don’t look so great.” She inquires making you worry how bad you must’ve looked.

“I-I'm fine, just tired. Not used to the change yet,” you answer a bit self-conscious.

“Sarah as lovely as always,” Mr. Pine charmingly chimes in and Sarah lights up.

He’s behind you again. You should expect it by now, but you don’t. He was worse than your cat—always sneaking up on you. He really did need a bell.

🌺

Amber leaves shortly after Sarah and your left alone on the front lines. The guests dwindle to a trickle, their footsteps echoing through the empty lobby. The usual chatter, the clink of luggage wheels, the constant buzz of activity—it’s all gone, replaced by a heavy silence. Even the light feels different at this hour, dimmer, as if the hotel itself is winding down.

As the minutes stretch on, your body feels heavier, the hum of the computer and the soft ticking of the clock blending into a lullaby that pulls you into a sleepy haze. You blink slowly, fighting to stay awake, but the lack of sleep presses down on you. Shifting in place, you try to stay alert, but your vision blurs as the screen fades in and out of focus.

A sharp knock jerks you awake. You straighten upright, heart pounding, blinking away the fog. Your eyes dart to where Mr.Pine stands, his knuckles still pressed against the archway.

“Pardon me darling, I hope I didn’t catch you unaware.”

“Oh no your fine,” you stammer, stifling a yawn into your hand.

“I see I’ve arrived just in time. Here I got you this. A gift.”

He wiggles the insulated cup with the hotel logo. You raise an eyebrow, “Coffee?”

“Its salted Carmel espresso blend, compliments of the kitchen,” he replies, handing it over. “I hear it's quiet the favorite amongst the guest these days.”

“Oh you didn’t have to,” you insist, but take it anyway. The warmth bleeds through your hands, spreading a comforting heat up through you.

“Nonsense. It’s the least I could do. Especially after earlier.“ he chuckles softly. “Hope you like it.”

You take a sip and hum at the sweet taste. It’s a bit too sweet but the spike of sugar and caffeine you hope will help fight off sleep.

“Thank you.”

He smiles at your response, but you can’t keep his gaze. He is handsome, too handsome. You pray for a guest, a call, or anything to interrupt this interaction, but nothing comes. You take another big sip as he stays. It feels like he wants you to say something, but you’re the worst person for conversation.

“How have you been finding your time with us so far?” Mr. Pine asks breaking the growing awkward silence.

“Its really great everyones so nice,” you begin to answer, but you find yourself fighting to stifle another yawn. “It’s… usually busier during the day.”

He chuckles softly. “Yes, quite right the night shift’s a different beast. No rush, no chaos.” He pauses, tilting his head.

You nod taking another sip, though your mind is starting to blur. His words are becoming harder to focus on. He’s talking, asking you another question, but you feel the weight of sleep creeping in. Your eyes start to close involuntarily. The coffee isn’t helping and now your struggling to keep your eyes open.

“Darling?” Mr. Pine softening voice breaches your haze and hand touches your shoulder gently.

You blink quickly, “Sorry, I-”

“Why don’t you take this. Our little secret.” Mr. Pine interjects. He hands you a card key to your surprise. “A nice thirty minute nap might do you some good. I’ll cover for you.”

You hesitate, but your body is begging for rest. This can’t be good for your probation period. You frown and fight through your resolve.

“I couldn’t—”

“It’s fine, this won’t reflect poorly on you,” he insists, gently nudging you. “3rd shift takes some time getting used to, and it’s dead here anyway. If by some miracle it gets crazy I’ll come for you.”

His tone is easygoing, but there’s a firmness to it, as if he’s not giving you a choice. You nod defeated and head toward the back to get your phone.

Maybe he was right, if you could get few a minutes of sleep you might be able to make it to morning.

🌺

Its a struggle to make it to the third floor. Your eyelids grow heavier with each step, your body sluggish as though you're wading through molasses. The door numbers blur as you shuffle down the hallway, fighting to stay awake.

Finally, you find it and you fumble with the keycard, nearly dropping it in your exhaustion. The lock clicks, and you push the door open.

A breeze greets you as you enter. The soft neutral tones of the room blur in your vision, and the wooden accents gleam under the gentle lighting. The velvet armchair in the sitting area barely registers as your eyes fixate on the bed. King-sized, it beckons with its plump pillows, and white quilted duvet that looks as inviting as a cloud.

It’s a struggle to set your alarm, the buttons blur and you're not even sure you did it right and you’re too tired to care. Your phone lands on the nightstand with a thud as exhaustion takes over. You collapse on top of the duvet, if you don’t disturb the bed, no one will even know you were here you think.

Your body feels unbearably heavy, limbs unresponsive as you try to shift. Exhaustion pressing down as your head sinks into the pillow and the world fades away. You wait in the calm serenely, but sleep doesn’t come. Its frustrating. Dreams hover just out of reach, fragmenting and fleeting.

The soft click of the lock rouses you from the haze. Your lashes flutter open, each blink heavier than the last as you try to make out the silhouette at the doorway. Light cast a shadow over the figure as it looms quietly. The door shuts with another soft click swallowing the light with it.

Your eyes roll back and you slip back into the void and float in the darkness that surrounds you.

Through the fog you feel the bed whine and dip, gently rocking your body with it. You’re so drowsy, barely aware of what’s happening. You feel your body being shifted, but can’t quite understand why.

Your pants slip away, replaced by soft cool pecks that trail up and down your thigh slowly. Your skin bristles from the touches that trespass over your expose parts.

You mumble grumpily as you feel your thighs spread open wider and wider. Weight holds them apart and the strain begins to tingle painfully.

Desperately, you will yourself to wake up, to snap out of it. You manage to twitch your toes, but nothing else. You're frozen, trapped in your own body.

You cant see it, but you hear the slick sounds of your juices being lapped up gingerly. Your body aches as the darkness dives deep sinking into you tenderly.

It’s not right, it shouldn’t feel so good, but you can’t pull yourself out of it.

Your clit vibrates as you squeeze your eyes shut and try to ignore it, but it’s there. The sensation too intoxicating to bare. Hot breath tickles your tender bud and you moan out helplessly.

The orgasm surges throughout your body, but no sound escapes—your tight throat. Your body buzzes its so electric, but fleeting. Warmth wraps around you sinkingly, weighing you down, drifting you back into the void.

🌺

[ericdeggans]

My Best TV of 2022: A (Unexpectedly) Long List

This is not a problem I expected to have, early in 2022.

Back then, the quality of TV shows was so disappointing, I considered writing one of those cranky, old-school critic’s columns complaining about how the glut of shows in our modern, streaming-fueled media environment was ruining everything.

I should have just waited around a bit. Because, even though I was mightily disappointed by some of the biggest TV projects on the docket – everything from CNN+ to Lords of the Rings: Rings of Power (the repetition in the title should have been warning enough) – lots more TV shows surprised and delighted me this year. Too many to fit on a top ten or top 12 list.

In fact, there were too many to fit on this excellent roundup prepared by me and five other critics at NPR.org (we each got about eight choices). And I will fess up now – I didn’t vibe with FX’s Reservations Dogs in its first season, so I didn’t keep up with the second and it’s not on my list. Many apologies to devoted fans of a show I’m very glad exists and so many love. But I’m not among you devotees (at least not yet).

Here's my list of fave shows from 2022, in no particular order. It’s by design very subjective, so I welcome debate, but it’s about what touched ME on TV this year:

Andor (Disney+) – Started slow, but turned into a masterful reinvention of the Star Wars universe, focused on the gritty, merciless beginnings of the Rebel Alliance. Who knew a Star Wars show with no lightsabers, no Jedi Knights and no Force could be just what the franchise needed? REVIEW

Atlanta (FX/Hulu) – The last two seasons, both released this year, weren’t nearly as impactful as its first two. But this show remains an excellent showcase for creativity and ambitious storytelling in portraying the lives of a quartet of Black millennials.

Here’s a Q&A I moderated w/Atlanta cast and producers at SXSW

Better Call Saul (AMC) – This Breaking Bad spinoff stuck the landing in series finale that capped both the origin AND ending stories of criminal lawyer Saul Goodman. REVIEW

Abbott Elementary (ABC) – Sidesplitting mockumentary-style comedy about teaching in a Philadelphia school that is so good, because it’s absurd humor is so close to the actual truth. PROFILE of star Quinta Brunson.

The Patient (Hulu) – Steve Carrell delivers his most impressive dramatic role as a therapist interrogating his own messy personal history while kidnapped and forced to help a serial killer. REVIEW.

The U.S. and the Holocaust (PBS) -- Star documentarian Ken Burns reveals how antisemitism in America busted the myth that the U.S. was always on the side of the angels as Adolf Hitler took power in Germany and began implementing his Final Solution.

Star Trek: Strange New Worlds (Paramount+) – Focused on the Starship Enterprise 10 years before James T. Kirk would take command, it’s a welcome return to a rollicking, adventure-a-week series that recalls the spirit of the original Trek series better than any other modern reboot/revival. REVIEW

Severance (Apple TV+) - for review, click here

Only Murders in the Building (Hulu) - REVIEW

Euphoria (HBO) - for review, click here 

A League of Their Own (Prime Video) -REVIEW

This is Us (NBC) - interview w/creator Dan Fogelman here

Sidney (Apple TV +) - REVIEW here

Under the Banner of Heaven (FX/Hulu) - for review, click here

We Own This City (HBO) - for interview w/EP David Simon, click here

Barry, season three (HBO) - for review, click here

Stranger Things (Netflix) - REVIEW

We Need to Talk About Cosby (Showtime) - PCHH discussion here

Harley Quinn (HBO Max) - 

The Sandman (Netflix)

As We See It (Prime Video) - REVIEW

The Good Fight (Paramount+)

The Dropout (Hulu) - 

The Crown (Netflix) - DISCUSSION here

The Handmaid’s Tale, season 5 (Hulu)

Ozark, season 4 (Netflix) - REVIEW here

Ms. Marvel (Disney+)