#you may think hes gonna go and kill humans but hes actually gonna go buy some juice

[kabukiaku]

The Resurrection of Papa Emeritus IV.

I've been itching to draw Antichrist Copia for a long time now.

bonus happy ending:

also close up of seestor and rain:

[p0rnd3aler]

LOVE AND DEEPSPACE NSFW THINK PIECE/DRABBLE

I’m depraved

Rafayel is the neediest. He’s got a lot of insecurities/abandonment issues from his first love and he def has an anxious attachment style. He’s also absolutely the type of person to be codependent (Hello?? “Join me let’s drown in the ocean together”????? Like, come on). He’s constantly trying to do every little thing with you, almost like he can’t breathe unless it’s air that’s already been filtered through your lungs.

However, all big baby behavior™️ considered, he definitely knows how to woo you. I feel like since he’s Lemurian and also an artist, he only knows how to love a person in the most deeply devoted and romantic way. He’s also very careful with his heart and who he gives it to, once he decides it’s truly and solely yours that’s it. There’s no one else. But you also have to honor that with proper care, he’s very sensitive.

Anyway, I feel like he fucks in a way that’s slow, very sensual. The kind of love making where he takes over all of your senses, all you can feel is his touch, all you can smell is his sweat and cologne, all you can taste is him on your tongue, and all you can see and hear are his face and the sweet words of devotion he whimpers in your ear.

He’s also very easy to rile up.

Zayne is boring to me. Like I get the appeal he’s very hot and he’s also very stable (in a romantic sense) and healthy but I just can’t fantasize about that. Like yeah he’s a busy ass surgeon who will always make time for you no matter what and he’s super devoted and always caring for you in little ways, but also mf will make you take a water break during sex if you’re too wet bc he doesn’t want you to get dehydrated. Im done.

Honestly I think I’m biased against him bc the way he talks to MC just reminds me of this horrid man I met at a bus stop once who immediately started trying to tell me what to do/give me life advice. I get Zayne is qualified and the guy at the bus stop was not but idc if y’all want me to put effort into writing for him ur gonna have to submit it into the requests baby, moving on.

SYLUS. I feel like everybody thinks he’s just some big ol’ nasty freak but they’re WRONG. THEYRE WRONG ABOUT HIM.

Don’t get me wrong he’s definitely fucking tweaking when you first meet him, like just going apeshit off the bat with no context for us. But also? Once you get to know him? Bitch I’ll kill for that man you do not know. This mf drops everything for you.

Important arms deal he’s been trying to set up for a year or going to the arcade with you to get plushies out of a claw machine? Deal = cancelled

The fearless leader of the N109 zone who blows up anyone who perturbs him slightly. MF contributes 50% of the carbon in the atmosphere alone with the amount of shit he literally actually blows up with bombs. But you? You may break into his house and handcuff him to his bed in his sleep while trying to steal a brooch off of him. he doesn’t give a fuck. he’s in love with you. Set his house on fire! He won’t care! He’ll just buy a new one!

As rough as he is around the edges he’s completely smitten. “You should know I adore you. There is no love purer than mine.” Like girl don’t fucking play with me. Is he mentally ill? Absolutely. But he is so devoted, so careful with you. “I’m never annoyed when we do things together.” It’s literally like he’s learning how to be a human being for once and he doesn’t care about losing the coldness or sharpness he once had because you’re more than enough to replace any absence the loss of those thing may bring. He knows he’s getting soft and doesn’t care. He doesn’t try to stop it. To kill for you is nothing to him. Not even a second thought. He kills all the time. But he would never harm again if the violence ever came in between you two.

And I think that dedication, that devotion totally translates itself into how he makes love to you. He’s definitely a filthy talker, I think he says some NASTY shit during sex, just because he likes seeing you squirm and feel how your skin gets hot from his words. But I don’t think he likes hurting you. He wouldn’t do anything to harm you. He’ll spank you yeah, and he’ll tap or squish your cheeks to get your attention. But he only wants to bring you pure, carnal pleasure when it comes to sex. If you even think “that feels good” he’s like a dog with a bone. You get no rest when he’s there you only get mind-numbing pleasure. He’s a tease, he’ll poke lighthearted fun at how loud you’re being, ask you who you think can hear you two while you’re being nasty. But he knows you. He knows what you love, what gets you off, and he cares to learn all of this because of how much he loves you God I’m SICK

Xavier is filthy. That man laps up your pussy like a thirsty dog. The freakiest nastiest mf out of all of them. He won’t show any sexual prowess or interest for months I think. I’m not sure he’s even aware of his powers. Your relationship will literally be based around his chaotic sleeping “schedule” (that shit is not a schedule) and relaxing between missions together. All things considered, you guys spend almost every waking (and sleeping) hour together. Work, dates, naps, eating, it’s almost always together.

It’s not until he hears you getting hit on all night that his composure finally starts to crack.

Three months of the sweetest, purest boyfriend you could ever ask for. Your sweet silly boy, who starts silently pouting all night. It’s not until you two finally find a hotel to stay at for the night, that he finally starts loosening up.

“I’m not a young fool, you know. I don’t take what’s in front of me for granted” he quotes the guys hitting on you earlier, which he heard through your ear piece. Then he recites every time another guy hit on you while you two were on your mission. He’s a jealous jealous jealous boy. He HATES other guys vying for your attention. It just makes him want to whisk you away and bounce you on his dick so loud that every other guy can hear it. When he feels jealousy, he feels the need to mark, claim, devour you so no one else can try and steal you. He gets himself worked up. Stewing and agonizing over the thought and the memory of another guy trying to get to you so much that he can’t even think of sleeping. He gets completely taken over by the urge to have your every reaction solely based on him and what he gives you. I think he fights off these feelings for a long time, up until the protocore mission in the misty invasion memory. He just barely keeps it together until you’re rubbing all over him, pulling him closer to whisper his name in his ear, he just can’t take it. He needs to hear you say it louder. He needs everyone to hear you say his name.

He fucks you so sloppy, the kind of man who does not care what means he has to use as long as the end is what he wants. He wants you covered in marks of his making, he wants you to smell like him, he wants you to have trouble walking the next day, and he wants that asshole who tried hitting on you at work to ask you “what’s wrong? You look like you’re having trouble walking”

And as soon as the guy asks that you look over to Xavier, who has the most pleased little shit eating grin on his face.

The craziest part is that after he gets it all out of his system he’s back to being the little innocent sweet boy. But you know his secret, and he likes that you know it.

[straynoahide]

what fighting evil in society means

okay so gonna try to be succint about what i think here. i can't define evil in a short essay but for the purposes of this consider people who are habitually doing harm from their position, status, habits, lifestyle in a recalcitrant way and may even benefit socially from it.

the reason i'm writing this is mainly to put my own thoughts in order bc i often see christian posts, mostly from the christian right, that don't align with my moral compass bc there's something in them i can't bring myself to relate to, and it has to do with personalizing evil and otherizing it as a psychological cope.

it's inherently dehumanizing when you speak of "god's enemies" and have this whole specific and biased discourse around sin that's basically just a smug way of pointing fingers at other people when you may be just as flawed.

i always wonder who these god's enemies are, like how do you think they can hurt god. is enemies of humanity not a more precious goal to tackle first, given that's what He set to do anyway? the fight for human rights and those who erode and vulnerate them?

when i see a right-wing christian esp a traditionalist speak of the enemies of god i know what they mean. when i see a leftist speak about the enemies of the revolution i know who they mean. and, these are just categories and ideologies that change with the era and sociohistorical contingency. they aren't eternal truth, and they aren't based in christian doctrine.

the role of enemy of [supreme value] in the nazi worldview became the anti-volkish jews and degenerates (bolshevik or capitalist), and in soviet marxist-leninism the capitalist class 'and ideological deviants' came to include lots of absurd things like jews too, nationalists, and peoples were ethnically cleansed because of it. poles, ukrainians.

"enemies of god" becomes a stand-in concept for the enemies of whoever's very worldly, very flawed, very biased political class has in their hypothetical way to power, and replacing one tyranny for the other. it becomes dehumanizing, anti-universalizing, unkind. unchristlike. ungodly. this isn't different with revolutionary marxists, who just see people and the proletariat in a utilitarian fashion. the laws of history demand the "class enemies" be tossed aside on the path to the Good Society (the "Leap Forward"), to just Utopia.

no, i don't buy proto-authoritarian rationalizations any more than i would buy authoritarian ones. by being permissive about that kind of power without consequence, you're all advocating for tyranny and letting go of humanist and democratic values.

here's my reflexion on what actually is fighting evil and why that kind of worldview is flawed from the get-go and self-serving instead of centered on goodness and His word:

the struggle against evil is fundamentally intrapersonal. it's NOT interpersonal. and that's the great pitfall. interpersonal struggles have a different dynamic, inherently. EVIL cannot be destroyed physically or materially by killing people or cutting people out of the definition of humanity, by ending their lives.

in this manner, evil can only be restrained, at best, its capacity destroyed momentarily, but it has a cost, and evil at the end remains exactly as it was; undefeated. it is a lesser evil, that is only a means to the step that would actually defeat evil, and comes necessarily after.

the spiritual battle between good and evil occurs in each soul eternally recurrent, and can only be fought within each soul; only in that victory can evil be truly 'defeated'.

it is evident when you reverse this: how petty and disconnected would someone sound if they insist they can destroy joy, love or goodness in the world? what would you think about their worldview?

tyranny is not only political; there is tyranny over the spirit, without which, political tyranny cannot even happen. tyranny over the spirit is when you subjugate someone so badly they forget they still have power even in dispossession, the power to embrace truth and reject lie. "they can't kill us in a way that matters", bc the love in heritage cannot be ended EVEN through atrocity. this is what i believe.

"darkness is not defeated by strength, but by light" - we're also told this in the Gospel: "and the light shines in the darkness - and the darkness has not overcome it"

what does this mean? it means that when you restrain evil and don't destroy it, you can still put a light where there was darkness- if you are able to do such a thing in yourself, you can do it in another, you can lead by example. at least, life gives the chance for someone else to do it. death is the end of possibility, for bad and also good.

when darkness becomes light, that's when evil is defeated. and that has to be done in each soul. the soul that did evil turned to goodness, like a flower that turns towards the sunlight, like embers that spark a new fire, that is the real defeat of evil. not its sterile destruction in the result of bloodlust over the flesh, the giving in to anger and hatred, the rejection of empathy and pity and compassion, which have nothing to do with whether they are "deserved" or not.

aggrandizing your role to judge that, to place yourself as the one who says who lives and dies, only belittles you to begin with. it means you're not imaginative or confident enough in the capacity you or your social reality has to rehabilitate, to change, to turn the negative into positive. but that capacity exists. humanity has proven its perseverance in progress, as it has proven its more flawed nature. and science gives us the tools- criminology, forensics, etc. we're not fumbling, these are professional issues that take expertise.

brutal societies still exist on earth, and they're not more just, but less so. just look at crime statistics, at metrics of democracy and freedom for minorities and vulnerable collectives.

so when you see the struggle against evil in interpersonal terms, you're dazzled by your own self-importance, and see everything else in the shadows. you see everyone else as this fundamental different being who cannot grow and come to be as moral as you are, when your very existance represents the reality of that chance being given.

when you see yourself as not being able to stoop down to whatever type of immorality you are essentializing, projecting on the Other as unchangeable - that's when you can make yourself believe that if you destroy that person, you will destroy evil, and so it must be good.

it won't work, and it's not. it just takes from the greater good that would come from having two lights where one was darkened.

healing the world is not your responsability. but at the very least, it is your responsibility to not make it worse where you can act. if the first way to do that is focusing on you, do that. if you don't see yourself capable of defeating evil in the world without destroying people -by conciliation, rehabilitation, deradicalization, peacemaking, reform, etc-, you have to focus on your own soul first, and mind its light.

[lalasworld2x]

Jason Voorhees Headcanons

• At first, he did actually try to off you. Whatever you were doing in the woods by yourself, he didn’t care and just wanted you OUTTA THERE.

• But something about you made him pause, he let you escape for a bit. He knows the woods like the back of his hand so it didn’t take him long to track you down again considering you were lost.

• He took you back to Camp Crystal Lake and sat you down in one of the cabins, trying hard to calm you down. Anytime you almost got the upper hand, he would get aggressive and you would cower away again, and he would soften up.

• It took a while for you to kind of remember the actual story of the legendary Jason Voorhees, your frazzled brain just kept focusing on the fact that he kills people lol

• For the first few months of your relationship, it wasn’t exactly dating and more so just trying to figure out how everything would work as acquaintances, then as friends, then eventually as partners.

• He was definitely aggressive for the few couple weeks, maybe even months, having severe trust issues. You also had trust issues so good thing a middle ground was met lol

• Even though he’s from New Jersey, it doesn’t really matter what sign language you teach him.

• It’s not like he can really go into public with you. He’d go insane seeing any teenage-

• And if you wanted to learn sing language yourself, this is a great opportunity!

• You can teach him how to read and write too. Maybe even get him a phone so you can message each other.

• He might be able to remember some of the things he learnt before the drowning, since he was 11 at the time. But not needing to use those skills for so long may have ruined some of his abilities, but thankfully you’re there to teach him :]

• He gives the BEST bear hugs known to man. They last as long as you want (kind like the Disney land hug rule) and are as warm as can be <3

• You found him calming hobbies, like gardening and fishing. Whenever you weren’t around, he would look after the forest around him and later show off his progress to you.

• It wasn’t uncommon for nasty teenagers to storm in and destroy everything, or just disturb the piece, so you often find splotches of blood somewhere around the path. Doesn’t take a genius to figure out why lol.

• You did set boundaries with Jason, saying that he needed to cut back on the killing ESPECIALLY if you were around. In all honesty, he didn’t care much for this. He will respect it around you, but he’s been doing this most of his life and he doesn’t really plan on hanging up the machete.

• He will respect most other boundaries though. He’s evil but he’s still a human, willing to be somewhat decent lol

• I don’t think he would be much of a family man, I think it would be a bit dangerous for you to raise children with him. If you already have your own children, I would keep them away from him for the most part. It’s not like he’s gonna go on a rampage the minute he sees them, but I don’t know if he’s good with bratty kids or moody teens lmao

• Further into the relationship, he absolutely loves spending time with you. Anything from sleeping in bed together, meals together, going for walks, having a pet (must be a big doggie!), gardening with you

• He probably won’t get over his fear of bodies of water, but I think you would be able to encourage him enough to sit in it. He stills gets major anxiety, but he likes to sit on the bank of the sand with you.

• He especially loves camping with you. Even though he lives in the cabins, he still keeps a tent around and you two do little camp fires. You buy some snacks from the store and eat together.

• Often when camping, you set up a big white tarp and a movie projector, and play whatever movies you feel like. He doesn’t always understand the appeal, or engage with the movie, but he still sits and enjoys your company.

• Gazing at the stars is his favourite with you. Just sitting in silence. You’ll make small talk and he’ll grunt and groan in response. The night sky has always fascinated him. He didn’t get the education to understand it all, so he likes to keep it a mystery.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’m so sorry that this sucks, but I felt that if I wrote it any other way, I would write chin terribly OOC 😭😭I realise it’s mostly negative stuff but I’ll try and come back to it to make it better :/

Masterlist

[shallowseeker]

Added to this post.

Felt like it was important. Marvelous Marvin was a champion boxer during Dean's childhood (mid- to late 80s)!!!

Marvelous Marvin is also a nod to a Marvelous Marvin Hagler, a middleweight boxing champion and a callback to Dean's psychosexual crush and wrestling interests in Beyond the Mat. As far as angels go, Cas is something of a middleweight champion--not a "heavyweight" archangel, but not a lower-ranking angel either. Ergo, Marvin is also a stand-in for Silvia's unseen love rival.

FYI, this also strengthens my feeling that Dean and Cas may have bought Marvin together for Jack. Cas, because it's his style to buy soft, fluffy things for his loved ones (Claire & Grumpy Cat) and Dean, because he would've kinda wanted it too for the reference to a beloved boxing figure. (Dean was at least along for the ride, and he found it hilarious.)

Cas & Dean also bought Grumpy Cat together, after all. They went to the mall together. Cas is Grumpy Cat, and Claire is also Grumpy Cat. Cas's also Marvin, and Jack is also Marvin (and Dean can be Marvin too, if you like).

I also feel like Marvelous Marvin is a relatively new item in the household, or else we'd have seen it next to the photo of Kelly, combined with Kelly's laptop message, or on Jack's bed. There's a good chance it's also a birthday gift, like Grumpy Cat was.

BONUS: There are red boxing gloves in the Dean-Cave! AU Bobby boxes with Jack in 14x01. Jack dresses like Rocky Bilboa when he's training as a human! (It's the gray sweatsuit of the infamous Gonna Fly Now running scene!)

Dean's the wrestler. Jack's the boxer. I love it.

(Cas gets a cinematic boxing scene too in Purgatory, complete with slow-mo uppercuts. It's right before they get to the rift. Actually, a lot of snippets in season 8 are boxing-like for Cas, such as when he's hard to knock down in the warehouse when they try to save Samandriel. Or even as early as his season 4 fight with Uriel. In several scripts, like Good Intentions, Cas is referred to as "bobbing and weaving," which is a fighting phrase that derives from boxing.)

Anyway, I was delighted to notice these motifs.

ADDENDUM: Realistically, I think Jack may have been present when they bought the bear, and it may have been Dean who originally told the cashier that the bear was, "for his stepson, Ronald," which is an ominous reference to James "Jimmy" Stewart's stepson, Ronald McLean who was famously killed in Vietnam as a Marine.

[arandomnerd810]

TADC EP 2 SPOILERS

putting down all my thoughts and stuff i’ve noticed lets gooo

AAAAAAAAAGDEKNSQKDFUNFSIDANIVUFDN OMG IT WAS SO CUTEEEEHKQVSHKUHSQDFKHSDF I LOVED IT SO MUCHHH

i’m gonna speak in periods for the first paragraph since it’s very long but do not get me wrong i don’t wana be serious sounding it’s just to make these paragraphs more readable excuse the rambling

Caine posting section cause he’s my special intrest

satisfaction Caine wise 10/10

first the elephant in the room as Caine’s #1 fan yep still his number one fan! Serial Designation N killed tons of people yet nobody in the fandom cares, and Caine doesn’t get people well so he had no ill intention. rlly my opinion of him has not changed he’s still my silly lil goober no matter what he does. i’ve always known he will do horrible things and been expecting this to happen ever since Pomni gave the idea to bring him to the circus. Gummigoo had a sir pentious like death so i wouldn’t be surprised if we see him again.

he may be an asshole but he’s my asshole ❤️❤️

now that that’s out of the way a little glimpse of Caine angst is all i could have asked for in this ep 🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶🫶 like cmon everyone has to agree insecure much?

Caine posting over cause my god have i gotten more attached to everyone else aswell! (ofc Caine’s still my fav by far)

satisfaction with everything else 10/10

the fact that this wasn’t censored normally (no wacky sounds or the censor bar) and how Caine reacted with “you can’t say that…” could imply bubble said all of this out loud uncensored which is very funny to me

I love Ragatha she’s so sweet look at her ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️

I wana see where everyone’s friendship goes from here! they are already so adorableeee

still a sucker for found family dynamics

the fact Jax wasn’t here but still was upset is :( as much as i like to bully him, i love him just as much as any other human character. i’m the most interested in his episode cause he’s a mysterious guy( and i may or may not have a sneaking feeling like ill relate to him a little even though our personalities are practically polar opposite)

Kinger is so fatherly auughofewhiuhefvw the fact he’s old enough to have kids and is more likely than not married to Queenie imagine he had kids before coming here they would only be in like middle school ish cause he’s not even that old that’s sad af

GANGLE COLLECTS ANIME FIGURESSSS!! SHES JUST LIKE ME FRRR!

this really makes me want to buy the gangle plushie i’m thinking i’m gonna do it lmaooo

the fact she started crying 😭😭

Zooble wasn’t taking part in the adventure cause they were setting up Kaufmo’s graveee i love him sm

GANGLE ART!!

It’s really funny how chilled out Bubble was here

merch talk timeeee

sneak peaks of the rooms mayhaps?

Let’s just hope there’s only memes around it and not another figure incident….

welp going onto grab the Gangle plushie i’ve decided

real talk i’m actually happy TADC got so popular cause ive made a friend through it already and strengthened old ones since info dumping is the only form of communication my braincells can handle well lmaooo it’s crazy how many of my friends have decided to watch my special interest

[little-miss-dilf-lover]

THE TEXT CONVOS !! I hope it looks ok. I left spaces between the texts (ALSO THANK U FOR THE REQUEST 💗 ) 💺 anon

🍊) My little (brat) princess

🍒: Buy pads please!! 🍊: Already did, anything else that may satisfy her majesty? ❤️

🍊: Hi pretty. Can't find my tie, did you took it? It's the navy one 🍒: No, must've been your side chick :( 🍊: Please tell me you're joking 🍒: I'm not 🍊: Woman I practically worship the ground you walk on 🍒: Screenshotting this to Lem. Also your tie is with me :) 🍊: You two got jokes huh

🍒: Pretty women called "sleepless nights worried about my husband" is waiting for me in bed 🍊: Not tonight love. Coming home in 5

🍊: What kind of streets do ghosts hunt? 🍊: Dead ends

🍊: Really want to shoot him in the head 🍒: What are you talking about? 🍊: He's so fucking cocky huh? 🍒: Ladybug? He's not doing anything 🍊: That "we should all order some food" sounded pretty flirty to me 🍒: You deserve the electric chair

🍊: Are you from Mississippi? Cause you're the only miss who's piss I'll sippie [You blocked this contact]

🍊: That nob better stop touching your shoulder before I give him a lobotomy 🍊: Got the "little off the top" looking haircut 🍒: HE ASKED FOR MY NUMBER 🍊: He should see an optometrist since he clearly didn't notice the ring on your finger 🍒: I told him I have a husband 5 times already but he said "it doesn't matter", so I gave him your number 🍊: That's my girl

🍒: [1 image attached] 🍊: Oh my fucking god 🍊: God took his time with you

🍒: Would you be mad at me if I punched you in the face? 🍊: What's the context love? Are we making out and you just started beating me up? 🍒: Why would I EVER do that??? 🍊: You tell me, you were the one who asked. 🍊: Wait you might actually be onto someting here love 🍒: THATS IT, SEX BAN 🍊: WHAT

🍒: What is taking you so long? 🍊: Lady at the cashier won't leave me alone 🍒: Please hurry up I want you to eat me out :( [Tan reacted with ❤️] 🍒: Tell her "husband duties are calling"

🍋) Silly goofy guy

🍋: I'm really over here with Aristotle talking about plumbs and farmers and shit

🍒: Did you actually got into a fight with that Kimura guy just because he said he didn't like my tie? 🍋: Cherry defender first, human second

🍋: Bro is not listening to me 🤼‍♂️ 🍒: I'll hear you out on Henrys 🍋: [voice message: 42:33]

🍋: Got bored so I drew you 🍋: [1 image attached] 🍒: Thanks !! 🍒: Why do I have 3 fingers on each hand though? 🍋: I stole the other four

🍒: Are the cookies you left for me a prank? 🍋: Are they that bad? 🍒: What?? No!! Of course not!! 😊 I loved them!! 🫶 🍋: I got a feeling you're being sarcastic

🍋: Tan said nobody likes lemons 🍒: I'll kill him

🍒: The bartender asked for my phone number 🍋: BOOOOOO 📢📢 every time 🍒: I gave him Tan's number. Wanna catfish him? 🍋: LETS GO I LOVE THE WAY YOU THINK

🍊🍋🍒) The fruit bowl

🍊: The group name is stupid 🍋: IT'S GENIUS 🍒: It's literally what we are 🍊: I think I should've named the group so it wouldn't be something stupid 🍋: "Tangerines are sophisticated" This you❓ 🍒: Point and laugh 🫵🤣 🍊: Piss off

🍋: I burned the pasta 🍊: You can cook? 🍋: I tried 🍊: Never do it again 🍋: Piss off at least I wasn't the one who dropped the pod on the floor 🍒: This is why you two aren't allowed in my kitchen

🍊: I'm just saying, relationships should be 50/50 🍊: She looks pretty, while I growl at anyone who looks at her 🍋: It's getting harder and harder to defend you 🍒: People are gonna think you're insane 🍋: He is

🍋: [1 image attached, it's a selfie of us three] 🍋: BOY WE SEE THEM BABY BLUES 🍒: I swear people don't even say bless you anymore, they just stare at you like that 🍊: Do you two ever stop to think about what you're saying? 🍋: No 😼 🍒: Nope 🍊: It shows

yeah no kidding you aced the shit out of these!!! and they are so fun to read !! I definitely get what you mean now by them being fun😭

LOVE LOVE LOVED them all but these have gotta be my faves

THIS ONE??? had my cracking up. was still thinking about it and laughing to myself ages after reading 😭😭

little off the top and the ring comment 😭

and giving the guy tan number and him saying that’s my girl🫠

god took his time with you??? melting

WHY IS THAT SO ACCURATE!!! lemon definitely sends really long voice messages and spams with videos. like he’s giving you mini personal vlogs😭😭😭 he just starts talking about the most random shit walking around the house. “… yeah they said his car is fucked— no way. I just found this.” and holds it out to the camera and then he carries on with whatever he was saying before

I feel like he struggled to draw all 10 fingers and got fed up so gave you simpson hands instead

[dragonairice]

LOWKEY BEEN INSPIRED BY @not-sure-what-im-feeling s AWESOME OCS AND LORE (Go check them out)

And it inspired me to talk about MY ocs :D

I mention in passing that I am in fact writing a novel, but I try to avoid saying too much to prevent spoilers buuuuut I think I can keep it vague enough while still rambling <3

The novel (technically a novella) is called 'The Shadow Walker' and here's a draft of a blurb:

With no friends, an absent mom, an abusive dad, and a shadow that inexplicably went missing; Nicholas Walker is convinced his life couldn’t possibly get any worse. But everything changes when he meets something (or someone) who may or may not want him dead.

(Not the best but again it;s a draft)

ANYWAY THIS IS MY BOY NICHOLAS

He's 12 years old and a selective mute and my scrungliest little blorbo who experiences the horrors™. He doesn't have any friends, is neglected by his parents, and all in all has a bad time before the book starts :(

The only source of healthy food in the house (he borrows money from his dad and goes to the store alone) but is severely malnourished from eating nothing more than reheated takeout his dad left in the fridge. Nick doesn't talk verbally unless it's to his dad (out of necessity) and otherwise converses in ASL (which I'm learning for this book <3). Loves pretty buildings and stargazing, has a dream of visiting things like Notre Dame and the colloseum some day and is fascinated by architecture. I just realised that this kid would adore Minecraft but anyway after things get better for him he's given Lego models of like the eiffel tower and he loves them :)

Gonna stop before I spend the entire post talking about my boy and move onto

HIS MOMM

You know that thing that's like, "Not a bad person, just a bad parent"? Yeah. That's her. She ran away from her abusive boyfriend and left Nick behind out of fear, since she didn't know if she could survive by herself, much less with a child in tow. She ends up leaving with her best friend and they travel around the world a lot for their job. They're a musician who plays back up for bands in different places and Rachel ends up learning to play some stuff too after watching them for so long. The two end up dating at some point and they've been together ever since. Rachel still sends Nicholas a postcard every time she travels to a new place, but she doesn't have the courage to actually see him in person yet. Also fun fact. She's descended from a woman who was killed for being a 'witch' during the salem trials. This is relevant to the story :3

Do I have to talk about his dad??? Ughhhhh fine

This is Gregory Walker. I hate him. bye.

Not but fr, he's a terrible father. Works at a convenience store and his co-workers fear him. Lives off of take-out and instant ramen, never checks on his son. Spends all his money gambling and buying alchohol. Literally would not notice if he missed an entire month of his life (*cough* foreshadowing *cough*)

ANYWAY ONTO TWO OF MY FAVOURITES

LEXI AND CHELSEAAA

Lexi is a single mom who grew up kinda spoiled and is still figuring out how to raise a kid. Her parents are kinda helpful about it but also she doesn't want to raise Chelsea how she was raised so hgjhrj. Chelsea was orignally planned to be autistic since this entire book is a transparent cover for neurodivergent rep but the version of her in my head is so very ADHD instead. They only show up near the end of the book so I'm still experimenting with them a bit but Lexi is a huge book worm and Chelsea loves unicorns, like, I mean in the 'mythology is cool way' not the 'stereotypical girl behaviour' way. She does love pink things and sparkles though

THERE IS ANOTHER CHARACTER BUT THEY'RE A SPOILERRRR BUT I WILL JUST SAY THEY ARE NOT HUMAN AND ALSO WHAT THE TITLE OF THE BOOK IS TALKING ABOUT

(It's a sentient shadow, that's- do you get the pun in the name- there's three references in it-)

[night-unfurls-its-splendour]

Susan Kay's 'Phantom' Read: Part IV (Nadir)

I always knew I'd have mixed feelings about this chunk of the book.

I feel like the issues with the rampant Orientalism and just generally how very wrong Kay is about so much of this have been sufficiently commented on by others, so I'm not going to spend a lot of real estate on that. I'm mainly going to focus on what bugs me personally.

Which is... well, several things

Where do I start?

I guess with "Nadir" himself. I don't know who "Nadir" is, but he's #NotMyDaroga. 'Why's that?' You may ask? Well because, in my opinion, he's only tangentially related to his source material. There's a lot here that checks the boxes: Daroga of Mazanderan, reluctant with many of his duties, simultaneously in awe of and terrified of Erik’s genius all of that's in there. Buuuuut

First of all, Kay took the most practical, likeable character in Leroux's work and made him whiny and annoying. All he does for the first five pages is complain. Within those five pages he also refers to himself as "regrettably squeamish". Nothing happens in the course of this episode to show him growing out of that, so how we get the, pragmatic badass who haunts the Paris opera house keeping Erik in check I have no idea (I also have no idea how this is gonna go later in the book).

Not only that but this in particular stuck out to me:

Some of the illusions were positively supernatural, and long before the show was at an end, I was quietly convinced that I stood in the presence of a genie, created from fire more than two thousand years before Adam. I noted uneasily that he was left handed. Every Moslem knows that the devil is left handed--it is for this reason that we always take care to spit to the left. My fingers felt instinctively for the amulets that hung at my neck, an outstretched hand made in silver and the dried eye of a sheep, killed at Mecca on the great day of sacrifice. Both were powerful protective agencies, and I had never felt more in need of their protection. I took care not to meet his gaze, for I already feared his evil eye.

This stands in sharp contrast to the Persian of Leroux:

If I had been a superstitious man or easily susceptible to weakness, I could not have failed to think that I had to do with a siren of some sort whose task was to trouble the voyager bold enough to travel on the waters of the lakeside house; but, thank God, I come from a country where the fantastic is so cherished that we know it to its depths, and in times past I myself have studied it extensively. Anyone who knows the magicians trade can excite the human imagination with a few simple tricks.

Of course you can make the argument that the Persian speaking here has known Erik for years now and is wise to his tricks, whereas Kay's "Nadir" is seeing them for the first time. But I'm sorry. I don't buy it. Leroux's Daroga, though amazed and awestruck by Erik's skills at illusion, never indicates that he has even been so fooled by them as to actually mistake him for more than what he is: a genius, certainly, but no genie.

Which leads me to wonder if Erik's magic tricks in this book aren't a little too fantastic. Granted Kay never leads us to believe that they really are supernatural, but she uses Erik's degree of genius as a bit of a shield to get away with not revealing the secrets to some truly fantastic tricks, while Leroux nearly always explains Erik's mechanisms (whether they would work to the level of efficacy Leroux describes its up for debate, but he at least does have explanations for them all.

I think it's hilarious and contemptible that Kay has, at numerous times in this book, dropped incredibly clunky and gratuitous clusters of architectural technical terms, just lists of them for no apparent reason except, I can only assume, to show off how much research she did on the subject; and then makes it so patently obvious that her cultural research is dubious, negligible, or entirely non-existent.

She goes to great lengths to paint Nadir as a devout Muslim, which is not something Leroux ever did, now that I think about it. I don't doubt that the Persian is, at least culturally, be he seems quite ambivalent to his religion, as a rule. It quite literally (as far as I can recall) never comes up. But Nadir is. Several times she has him exclaim "Allah" much in the way a Westerner would use "God" as an expletive. Not "Wallah" not even "By Allah" just "Allah".

"Allah, how I hated cats!"

And it's not only the things he says but the things he doesn't say that annoy me (though I'm a layman, and very much open to correction). Common Islamic phrases that could easily be used in any of the situations Nadir finds himself in are completely left by the wayside. There isn't even a single "Inshallah" in his entire narrative.

Another problem I have is that Kay's Daroga is a widower with a sick son. A very complex emotional relationship develops among Erik, Nadir, and Nadir's son, Reza, to whom Erik feels an affinity, as the boy is slowly crippled by a debilitating congenital disease. I have a problem with this because its all very... I call it the Michael Burnham effect. That is to say this is a very important and big emotional thing in The Persian's relationship with Erik and I don't believe that this wouldn't have come up in any of the Persian's narrative if it was actually the case. This is a liberty which Kay, in my opinion, shouldn't have taken. It affects Erik's entire relationship with The Persian in ways that strain my credulity. And it's part of the reason that Erik's character here is fully beginning to stray deeper into a musical-based version than the Leroux-version (which I have a problem with, as this book is ostensibly following Leroux's outline). She even goes to far as to have Erik acknowledge Nadir, with complete (if reluctant) sincerity, as his friend. And this pretty much confirms my suspicions of where "Erik and Daroga are friends" comes from. Whatever Erik and The Persian's odd relationship in the book is, I can't call it friendship with how frequently The Persian calls him "the monster".

Note don't get me wrong Erik and Daroga do definitely have a bizarre bond that is, I think, a kind of friendship. Daroga feels sympathy for Erik, and also responsibility for him. He is, in many, ways, more like an older brother than a friend. I could say so much on this subject but that's for another post.

But what I find really baffling and annoying about Erik and Nadir's "friendship" in this book is the drugs.

I can't express how repugnant I find this. I think it's an insult to both Erik and the Persian, the fact that Nadir HIMSELF GETS ERIK HOOKED ON OPIUM. WHY. And then she has the fucking nerve to lampshade with all the "Oh yes Opium's a terrible horrible deadly habit" Only to have Nadir turn right around and give Erik his fix. What the actual fuck.

But setting aside that Susan Kay actually said "I'm not just going to make Nadir annoying, I'm also going to make him an enabler!" Is the fact that... I just don't buy Erik doing drugs.

I know Erik is an artist, and artists throughout the ages have been associated with decadent habits like drugs and alcohol to soothe their tortured souls or broaden their minds to ever more fantastic plains blah blah blah.

But Erik is not an every day kind of character. Erik is notable in how uniquely he glories in his tribulations. Erik's music in particular is a manifestation of his pure emotions both good and bad, and I think for him to alter his moods with substances, to him, would sully the purity of his art, which he always characterizes as a spiritual, almost holy thing.

And here's another thing. Part of the reason Erik is doing opium in this book is, yes the horrors of his past, but also the terrible things he's doing in the present... which I do think Erik of Leroux did grow sick of what was demanded of him in Persia (he explicitly says he wanted to put it all behind him), but I don't think he probably felt... that bad about it? I dunno maybe that's just me.

Moving on.

I'll pause here to say that while I think Kay is a bit guilty of "de-fanging" Erik in this book, I genuinely do appreciate her emphasis on his affinity for the weak and broken, and his knack with animals.

So now I come to one of the things that made me look most askance at this section. Again, the conceit of this book (or at least what I was given to understand the conceit was) is that its filling in the blanks that Leroux left vague. And I don't really know if that was Susan Kay's intention, but it's certainly how the Phandom took it. Which is why it bugs me when there are things in here that either don't quite jive with canon or straight up contradict it.

Now in terms of the canon of Leroux's actual book, we're not sure exactly which Shah employed Erik. Leonard Wolf point out that Leroux mentions Erik "[fighting] the Emir" and posits that he is referring to the Afghani-Persian war of 1837. This would put Erik’s age in PotO at about 60, assuming he was very young at the time (in his teens). That would make Erik's patron Mohammad Shah Qajar.

However M. Grant Kellermeyer (and most others writing about this period in Erik’s life, including Susan Kay) favour the idea that Erik’s patron was Mohammed's son, Nasser al din Shah Qajar.

When Erik and the Persian talk about the "Rosy Hours of Mazanderan" they both make mention of the "Little Sultana", who is described by Leroux's narrator in the epilogue as "the Shah-in-Shah's favourite", whose boredom was the Shah's impetus for sending the Persian to find Erik in the first place, and whose delight in bloodthirsty spectacles of torture and execution allowed Erik's talents in those areas to develop into a finely honed art.

Now I would take "the Little Sultana" to mean one of the Shah's wives, concubines, daughters, or even a sister.

But Kay, for some inexplicable reason, chooses to interpret this capricious (and bloodthirsty) female figure--the Shah's favourite--as his... mother.

Now Nasser al din Shah's mother was Malek Jahan Khanom, who, true to Kay's portrayal was Regent of Persia for one month (September 5th - October 5th) in 1848. Also like Kay's "Khanum", Malek was a formidable and politically savvy woman, and definitely not an individual you would want to cross.

I can't dispute the idea of the Khanom being an incredibly powerful figure, and the type you would need and want to keep appeased (she is described by Kay as keeping her son firmly under her thumb), but I have to look at the fact that Kay read "The Little Sultana, the Shah's Favourite" and really said, "Right. That'll be his mom" and squint a little bit.

On top of this, the Khanum is characterized as having a sexual obsession with Erik, very similar to the way Duchess Josiana is aroused by Gwynplaine's facial deformity in Victor Hugo's The Man Who Laughs, and is first irritated, then enraged by Erik's constant indifference. This fact is not lost on the Shah.

I just don't know ya'll. It's...I just... I don't know about this.

M. Grant Kellermeyer speculates that the "Little Sultana" Leroux refers to, to be the seventh wife of Nasser al din Shah, Jeyran, whom he first took as a mistress in around 1850 following a chance encounter during which he apparently fell in love with her on sight. One story of their meeting even asserts that she was one of his mother's servants.

If that is the case it would be one reason why Malek and Jeyran stood locked for years in stark political opposition to each other.

Jeyran was herself formidable and enjoyed many masculine pursuits including hunting and shooting, and not even the Khanom was able to dissuade Nasser from conferring her the title of Forough ol-Saltaneh, or from naming her son the crown prince (though this decision was stuck in political hell for years because of Jeyran's lack of influential blood-lines).

She was his favourite wife until her early death in 1860 at the age of 29.

It's my opinion that Leroux's "Little Sultana" is a composite of Jeyran and her successor as the Shah's favourite, Anis al-Dalweh, who was even more formidable and politically savvy than Jeyran. She was the only one of the Shah's wives known to share his meals and the only one he suffered to publicly criticize him, and she took over Malek's duties as the head of the harem upon her death in 1873.

Masterpost

[neonriser]

For those who can't see the screenshot post, for whatever reason it may be:

@sillyrookie posted:

Ok, since @hairiclilred asked, I'll start my dumb rant.

Over here in the US, the videogame market fell off a cliff in 1983 due to a reckless oversaturated market flooded with low quality dreck that killed player interest. So many unsold Atari games ended up filling landfills.

Revenue dropped by 97%. It was catastrophic. Videogames died in America for a couple years due to short-sighted business decisions by major corporations.

The American market was revitalized when Nintendo came over and instituted limits to third parties to keep quality up, while also ensuring that quality was their brand. America only has a video game market today because of Nintendo.

I think the current environment of constant remakes, mergers, layoffs, diminishing returns on blockbuster products, and corps thinking they can use "AI" to regurgitate their once valuable IP will cause a similar crash.

What I find interesting is how many classic IP will end up dying in the wake of this.

At the moment so many distinguished studios with established IP are getting bought up by corps, only to lay off the workers and shutter the studios.

The workers don't just lose their jobs, they lose the IP they created. Even if the team can regroup, they can't use the stuff they made anymore. The IP dies with the studio.

So stuff like this makes me feel like we're right at the brink of a collapse that will kill ALOT of once profitable IP when audiences are made sick and tired of alot of stuff they used to love.

These IP owners don't understand the products they own, the workers that make it, and the audience that buy it; and many in the c-suite have actual contempt for all three things.

When an IP stops being profitable, corps shut it down, lock it away unless somebody has the capital to buy it from them.

The only thing they understand is that an old movie made by humans generated billions of profits for them because an audience enjoyed it, and instead of taking new risks it's "better" business short term to just rehash the stuff that made money before. And if they expect "generative AI" to make more content even faster, expect a sea of endless remakes, each shittier than the last one.

Things are bad now, and they're gonna get way worse real fast.

I expect a cultural massacre. What does that look like?

It's obviously a different world today than the 1980s, but Nintendo's core business ideology has stayed consistent, and they'll weather a AAA crash with no problem because they don't play the AAA space at all.

They make a sustainable lower-tech console that's sold at a profit (the traditional model before the Wii was to make a powerful console and sell it at a loss so that you made your money on software sales) and their brand still means quality even 40 years later. Not every game they do is amazing, but their batting average is high and they go out of their way to avoid dropping anything half-baked.

I think every other industry is gonna need their own Nintendos to rise from the ashes. The more I learned about the history of the industry, the more respect I have for them.

And they are NOT perfect. But it the broad strokes they're the example I think most should follow to have a sustainable industry that keeps everyone happy.

Heck, I'll define "everyone happy:"

Artists properly paid, having job security, and able to BE creative.

Players having quality games to enjoy.

Businesses being sustainable for the long term, properly using the revenue from successes to experiment with new ideas, and not screwing anyone over.

[Image: Sonic saying "I WANT SHORTER GAMES WITH WORSE GRAPHICS MADE BY PEOPLE WHO ARE PAID MORE TO WORK LESS AND I'M NOT KIDDING".]

If the collapse I'm imagining does actually happen, the only possible thing to grow out of it are new IP from all the artists that got laid off.

New stuff would be the only things coming out for a while and the only things people want if the big franchises burned them out.

Depending on how audience sentiment is by that point, public domain stuff might become suspect as well, which is also an interesting scenario to me.

I think about how the current remake ecosystem is targeted at millennials (which I am) while the pendulum is already set to swing in the other direction.

Sorry for not talking about this part first. 😂

74% of that survey wants new stuff. The major IP holders are about to commit suicide if they go through with the "AI will make us 30 remakes per second" scheme.

One thing I hope DOESN'T happen is a backlash against honesty in the creative process.

We were culturally at a point where the average joe could understand that new ideas don't come from nowhere and are all mutations of old ideas.

Game of Thrones exists because Lord of the Rings came first, which owes it's existence to Norse myth and Beowulf, ect ect.

We're at the point where youtubers make games out of seeing what a song sampled from, the references a movie made, on and on.

But right now a popular spiel from "AI" charlatans to justify IP theft is the assertion that there's no difference between stealing copyrighted media for an LLM to regurgitate and a human being inspired by the ideas and experience they felt from another creator's work and creating a new thing under the established rules of copyright. It's a lie, but it keeps getting repeated to justify theft.

As the scam cycle winds down, I think they might be poisoning the discourse in a lasting way. We could go back to people lying about how ideas work, and that has only negative effects on human expression as a whole.

I want a world where everyone understands the difference between inspiration and a ripoff and can appreciate human creation better than previous generations have. We were right there before the scammers showed up.

So yeah, another rant out of me. 😂

So when people want new IP, they also need to understand what it means that Dragonball was a goofy parody of Journey to the West.

Dragonball is alot of things, it's inspirations are loud and obvious (even the Terminator is in there), but it's also a unique work created through the mind of one talented individual that nobody else could have made, because nobody else was Akira Toriyama, and ALL the subsequent works inspired by Dragonball (One Piece, Naruto, Hero Academia, Sonic the Hedgehog, ect) are their own original works that stand on their own, but still owe their existence to Toriyama's work as much as he owes his work to the things that inspired him.

The best ecosystem is where everyone encourages new IP and also fully understands how they come into being.

(Using this example for obvious reasons.)

Discord Post Reaction: [☝️ 1]

To go back to the topic of videogames, Toys for Bob recently made themselves layoff proof by going full independent.

With the level and volume of world class talent being laid off in the industry, I think we'll see more and more indy teams pop up if they can organize the means to do so.

There is too much high pedigree talent out there right now to just disappear or eventually go back to the people that screwed them over. The current ecosystem allows smaller teams and projects to flourish.

I am 100% down for an industry with less games like Immortals of Aveum and WAY more games like Pizza Tower.

[abominationvault]

Session 36: Sat 18 May 2024

So we lied to the druid (and the merchant whose wife was killed, who has now given us a discount at his shop…) and told her we killed the werewolf. He still wants his component pouch, so Sprocket is going to scout out the naked hippy party at Stone Ring Pond and see if he can find it or something similar. Skabb and Flashbang might be in the running to lead Stone Ring Pond, now that Curly Quim has been told to step down after the debacle with the ritual that turned Otari’s mayor into a chicken. Jorg’ath is still not allowed to Pet That Dawg. Did I miss anything? Oh, Sprocket has Stage 1 of Goblin Pox, but he doesn’t know about it yet.

Skabb and Jorg’ath have had chicken tikka masala; out of a box, like, none of your homemade crap. No Hartvig this week, he’s going into storage until next time. Skabb wants to buy him some terrible clothes and make him wear them, and hide his real clothes. Or we could get him embroiled in a relationship with a fleshwarp…? No, Skabb could give him a pox and we just won’t tell him! There is talk of pulling Jorg’ath’s tail off and tying Hartvig to the butt stump. (We probably won’t do that one.) Skabb offers to take him for the week so he doesn’t miss out on the xp.

The DM has made us a handout to tell us more about Crow’s Casks and Magiloy, the alchemy place and its proprietor. Also the shrine to Cayden Cailean:

He doesn’t actually have more information yet, so I’ll paste that in later. (Jorg’ath, on seeing Magiloy: “She’s gonna be my wife-crow.” He is warned that she used to be a pirate; he’ll have to take her down the clinic before the wedding.)

(There is a whole conversation about the word ‘discharge’. I won’t document that.)

Shall we forge on and adventure, then?

Jorg’ath has one more try at Petting That Dawg; he gets bitten. Crit for 45 biting damage! “Oh, I think I’ve died.” He hasn’t quite, he still has 19 hp left somehow. Skabb cackles and points at him. She takes out a handful of insects and lightly toasts them over the camp fire.

We continue in the dungeon, to the south of the poisoning dining room while Luna and Sprocket change the baby. On his return, Sprocket does Jorg’ath some Risky Surgery. He does 8 damage first, then a medicine check +2: 16 for an 18 total. A success is an auto success - but he fails. That’s still 4d8 healing as Sprocket is an Expert at Medicine, but he can re-roll with a Hero Point if he wants…? Jorg’ath will take the 4d8, and thank you very much. He also loses the Wounded condition, nice. 11 total, minus the 8 he hurt him, means Jorg’ath has a grand total of 3 hp back. Sprocket rides on his foot for a while. “Wheeee motherfucker.” (DannyGloverDannyGlover.)

Hartvig does Jorg’ath a Heal as well, and we puzzle out his signature spell ability details. He rolls a 1 on the die. Skabb thinks the gods have decided that Jorg’ath deserves to bleed for a while. (Skabb takes a look at Hartvig’s character sheet. Does he have any conditions…? Jorg’ath: “Depression?”)

With 4 of the 45 hit points back that he lost, Jorg’ath boots the next door open. Uh oh… There’s stuff in there.

Grisly paintings, 3 large chairs and end tables with empty wine glasses. There is a figure standing in front of the desk:

Gasp! It’s Bollock!

We make perception checks. Sprocket and Luna think this is the guy from all those portraits. The rest of us just think he looks human-shaped, but is made of a mass of writhing leeches.

He turns to Jorg’ath standing in the door, and asks who we are and what we think we’re doing here.

“What up leech boy! Just your friendly neighbourhood lizard. Like what you’ve done with the place.”

Bollock screams at him to get out. Jorg’ath screams back that we will, but it’s too late - Bollock attacks!

Luna shuts the outer door on them both, turns to the rest of us and shrugs.

“Hey, that’s Ball-Bag!” Sprocket announces, pointing. Should we fight or run away? We all roll initiative, in spite of our instinct to let Jorg’ath deal with this situation he’s created by himself.

Sprocket is first, and he casts - well, no. He changes his mind. He was going to do Horizon Zero Dawn Thunder Sphere, but that would hurt his friends. Can he hold his action…? He moves Augustus and has him hold an action - he will “grab at the leechy man and give him a good old punchin’.”

Bollock does something but we don’t know what because the door is shut. Hartvig! Holds a spelll, I think. Skabb does a recall knowledge check to see if she knows anything about what Bollock is now, what’s up with all them leeches, hmm? She knows that he has become a Walking Vermin. A Worm that Walks. He has cast some form of ritual on himself - he has Darkvision and Tremorsense, can be a human shape or split into a pile of leeches, and may retain some of his abilities from before he was a pile of gross. Walking Vermin are highly resistant to physical damage, immune to poison, have a weakness to AoE effects like Fireball. She does another Recall Knowledge to see if she knows about his abilities from before; she knows he was high ranking under Velcro, was a drow and a mage but that’s all she knows. She has one action left; she uses it to shout all this information at the rest of us.

Jorg’ath is briefly discouraged by the resistance to physical damage, until he is reminded that he has magical weapons now. “Oh yeah!”

Luna is AFK with BWJ2, so Sprocket takes over for her. She opens the door, grabs Jorg’ath by the tail and drags him out of the room, and shuts the door again. As a free action she gives Jorg’ath a disdainful look. (Augustus goes to start punching but pulls back when he sees that it’s Jorg’ath and not a pile of leeches.)

Hartvig does another Heal on Jorg’ath for 2d8+16. 26! “Drinkin’ in those juicy hit points!” Jorg’ath crows, delighted.

Jorg’ath readies an attack, and presses his tail to the floor by the door like a draught excluder to stop any leeches getting in. Nadia readies a lesser tanglefoot bag shot with her crossbow.

Sprocket wants to ready Horizon Thunder Sphere, but his friends are still in the AoE. Jorg’ath offers to stay while the others scarper, and he will take the damage. Sprocket readies it, if Luna and Augustus will move and Jorg’ath will open the door. He can ready the 3 action version of the spell and Augustus can move as well using their ability, Act Together.

It’s Bollock’s turn, the DM announces ominously, and then moves to Hartvig’s turn. Skabb flips through his spells to find an AoE one. She finds one that does a cone, Cry of Destruction, and readies it. She moves Hartvig so that Sprocket’s spell won’t get him when it goes off. As soon as Bollock gets within 15 feet, he’ll release it.

Skabb moves and readies another spell, it’s not AoE though.

Luna will retreat and hide behind a chair, then ready her shortbow. It’s a plus 1 weapon; she holds it up about where she thinks the eye would be. She is confident that she is hidden, the DM tells her. “I’m always confident that I’m hidden.”

Jorg’ath pings the door open to see that Bollock has been sneaking up on us and is right the other side!

Nadia releases her attack - it’s a 24 to hit! Square in the face with a Tanglefoot Bag. It has no effect aside from the damage of the crossbow bolt. She fires Alkonost and Bluebird, and recalls all her weapons to her bandolier, and reloads the crossbow. (Retcon? It has four shots left so it won’t need reloading yet. Yes - DM allows this.)

Sprocket looses Horizon Thunder Sphere. 27 hits! He gets another 4d6 damage on top of the 9, and Bollock takes 25 damage total, yeah.

It’s Bollock’s turn - but the DM lets us release any held actions as he moves into the room. Luna fires her shortbow and Hero Points it (still a miss), Skabb casts Worm’s Repast:

Hartvig casts Cry of Destruction as well, making his curse go up one level. I have no idea what hit because I was writing down a lot of simultaneous attacks!

Bollock takes his damage, and then his turn. He casts Dimension Door and appears on the table in the middle of the room, to the dismay of all. Skabb wants to bite him with her Grill and start eating him. Because of course she does.

He does this:

Skabb Hero Points her save for an 18, taking only 13 damage. She finds herself engulfed in leeches. Skabb: “Little do they know. She is having a bath in bar snacks.”

Hartvig. Has anyone been hurt except the stupid lizard? Yes, Skabb. Hartvig casts a 2 actioner on Skabb, and then Guidance. Sadly, she is obscured by leeches, so Hartvig has to roll to target her. (Sprocket argues that he should have advantage on the roll, as ‘covered in leeches’ is not an unusual state in which to find Skabb.) Hartvig makes the roll, and casts Heal, giving her back 2d8+16 - 28 total. He rolls again to target her with Guidance, and makes this roll as well. She is Guided.

Skabb is next, and she will commence her feast. 27 to hit with her Grill of Aberration Bane! Is Bollock an aberration? The DM checks… Yes he is! He takes 10 damage from her bite, and she goes in again. She Hero Points the 12 on her second attack and crits! 18 more damage! Same again, could she use another Hero Point if she needs to, or is it only 1 per turn? She rolls a ten… no Hero Point. She could Guidance it but that still won’t get her there. Oh well.

Luna could Electric Arc? That forces a save so she won’t have to roll to target Bollock, so she does that. He rolls a 24, but he still takes 6 damage. Luna: “Lovely!” She takes aim with her bow, rolling a d20 to target him first. She makes the roll, and then rolls to hit - 27 for 8 piercing damage. That’s her done.

Jorg’ath will hop up onto the table and do a big old angry lizard roar, and go into a Rage. He starts slashing with his greatsword but misses. He Hero Points his attack for a 21! Oh shit, 21 misses…

Nadia misses with her crossbow but crits with Alkonost - Howdy Doodis! Oogie Boogie explodes, his leeches landing in Skabb’s open mouth.

Skabb makes a Reflex save… 15. With her recall knowledge she knows that if even one leech escaped, the monster could have reformed, but she has caught and snaffled every single one!

Hartvig is at curse level 1, so he is sighing a lot and we can all hear Bullet for My Valentine, for some reason.

We carry Skabb into the next room, as she’s too full of leeches to walk. Luna, Skabb and Nadia all have a look around for treasures. Luna finds a Lantern of Empty Light. “Oooh, just what I need.”

She also spots a door, falls off the earth, and has to be put back. We don’t know how it happened, so we blame Hartvig. (Sprocket has been deleted as well. Luna: “If only it was that easy in real life.”)

Grabby Cat finds scrolls of Comprehend Languages, Paralyse, and Worms Repast.

The walls of the next chamber are grey; the ceiling bubbles as if infected flesh. There is a screaming dwarf chained to a table… And something else. Luna has made a friend! We roll initiative! Well, most of us do. Hartvig and Jorg’ath are still in the last room, busy flirting.

It’s a Will-O’-Wisp! Sprocket pulls out the spell card for Dungeon Bidet.

The DM has two bits of good news for us: One, its aura just sheds light, not damage-dealing awfulness, and two, it’s just a plain old Will-O’-Wisp. Not one of the fancy ones with extra guns or something. It flies up to Luna, using two of its actions. Then it does this:

Skabb is up. Sprocket thinks they might be undead, so she considers a Heal spell. Since she’s (in her words) too fat to move, she Recalls Knowledge instead. She knows that they are aberrations, and can go invisible. “Ohhhh, fuck, am I going to have to get up?”

Can she move through ‘old wispy-bollocks’? She can tumble through an enemy with a successful Acrobatics check. She rolls a red 9, and Hero Points it. It’s Reflex save is a 28!! That’s ludicrous. Skabb can move diagonally though, so she scooches past it instead. She bites it with a 24. DM, smugly: “That’s a miss, I’m afraid.” General outrage at this.

Skabb goes again and rolls a crit 29! She earns her Hero Point back for being ballsy. 27 damage!

Luna is up in its face, not normally a place she likes to be. She backs up, and it doesn’t get an opportunity attack. Luna, belatedly: “Oh, shit, I forgot about that.”

Luna jumps behind a chair for a bit of cover; there’s no point hiding as it’s looking at her. 28 hits!

Nadia misses, Hero points, misses, sulks and reloads.

Sprocket does some measuring and is pleased with the results. Phase Bolt, 24 misses. Outrage! “In which case, Spout.” Well, it’s immune to all spells that aren’t Faerie Fire, Glitterdust, Magic Missile or Maze. Cooooooooooooooool.

The Will-O’-Wisp Shocks Skabb, and crits. “Skabb is dead,” she announces. “I’m a very fat corpse.” The Will-O’-Wisp goes invisible, just for shits and gigs.

Jorg’ath has fallen asleep, so we will pick up next week when he’s refreshed and can charge in with his usual zeal.

[sibsteria]

hello, can you do headcanons of klaus mikaelson being a simp for you? 💘

yes of course, lovely!

Warnings: large fluff, a bit smutty, soft!klaus, protective!Mikaelsons

Summary: Klaus Mikaelson is the malewife simp of the century(ies)

not proofread, don’t kill me 😭🫶

the first time he met you, he studied you, up and down, I feel as if it would be at a Mikaelson ball, or maybe the Mystic Grill

I mean, eyes roaming

so our man just felt he had to introduce himself

he presents his hand out for you to shake

“I don’t think I’ve seen you around here before, I know I would have remember a face like yours.”

“Oh, wow, you’re charming.”

He gives an amused smile, a soft chuckle

“I prefer the name Klaus Mikaelson, please tell me what name could possibly match such a person of beauty?”

I feel as if he wouldn’t assert his name as Niklaus right off the bat ygm besties

he is leaving you blushing though

you’re probably a vamp so congrats, he’s got eternal dibs!

definitely lays a gentle kiss to your hand when you tell him your name

“I suppose I’ll be seeing you.” he lingers in your presence before slowly walking away

you’re just- astounded, who gave him the right to be so alluring?

I ain’t gonna lie to you, he went home that night and stalked for your information

he knows where you live, your next of kin, the bar you frequent

so an accidental bumpings into are already in his workings

“Ah, hello love, what a surprise!”

he’d buy you all your drinks, making sure to keep any eye on them if you left the bar for a moment if you’re human (you probs aren’t)

you would spend the whole night together

just chatting and swapping anecdotes

flirting

he charms you with poems, jewellery and just spending time getting to know you as if he didn’t know everything already

he will flaunt his money around

“I should take you to dinner, tell me love, do you enjoy pasta?”

if your answer is yes then well than enjoy your authentic italian dish! the flight wasn’t even too long

you had both fallen off the cliff, smitten for one another

when you’re dating he absolutely follows wherever you go

accidentally

but you know better

and you don’t mind, he’s always looking out for you

long parting kisses

I’m talking tongue, with his hand tangled in your hair

ass slaps as you walk away, making you present a shy smile

when your more comfortable around each other, you don’t hesitate to do it back

a faux shock face from the hybrid

“well, love, I never listed you as the kinky type. I do say, I’m quite impressed.”

get ready for marks

he litters you in hickeys, even if they might fade by the end of the day

he’s going to try

if you’re human he’ll have you wear a vial of his blood around your neck

for emergencies

and a fun conversation for anyone who comes on to you

if he’s in a heated argument discussion with someone, his face will immediately soften when you walk through the door

“hello, love.” a passion induced coma hoods his eyes

will try to protect you from violence and danger but he does know you can handle yourself

“Klaus, I can snap a neck like a motherfucker-”

“I know, darling, but why do that when I can do it for you?”

hours of cuddles

hours

just you in his arms, with his nose nuzzled into you

he’s a softy, really

you get along with his family, it’s a given

Rebekah is literally you’re sister from another mister

shopping sprees with her unlimited credit card

knowing each other’s styles

“How did you know?” She pouts as you hand her a pair of heels that she had been eying up

she’s just overjoyed she actually had a true friend that she can trust

someone she can rely on

you are inseparable

and Klaus is absolutely jealous

“may I please have my girlfriend back, dear sister?” an edge to his tone

“if you must, you annoying rat bastard.”

but you love them

Elijah is eternally grateful for your calmness

and your ability to tame the beast

“I must say, you impress me, Miss L/n.”

you’re utterly baffled

Elijah is not an easy man to impress

but your besties anyway, now 🙄🤚

you often pick up ties that you think would suit him

he smiles and shakes his head

“I do hope you insist on keeping her around, Niklaus.” he uses a low whisper to his brother.

“I don’t assume I’m ever letting her go.”

whilst you have managed to wrap him around your little finger

he won’t hesitate to rip someone’s throat out for touching you

say you’re at a bar

he left for a moment to answer a call, his mistake

he comes back, you’re face filled with discomfort and annoyance as this poor man would not stop verbally harassing you

but that was not enough of an action for you to snap his neck yourself

but as he’s walking towards the bar, he watches as the stranger lets his hand trail down your back until he reaches your-

Klaus has already sped towards him

grabbing his hair and tearing out his throat

his chin, neck and chest are dripping with blood

your surprised at the lack of screams around you, coming to the conclusion that he must have compelled the drinkers to not bat an eye at supernatural goings-on

“are you kidding-”

“sweetheart, don’t get angry-”

“I just got blood stains from last week out of that shirt!”

he pauses his spiel, a blushing smile across his face

you weren’t repulsed by the violent display he’d put on

“have I ever told you how much I love you?”

“on occasion.” you roll your eyes, pulling him in for kiss

the blood coats around your lips but you don’t mind

“I love you too, Nik.”

that was the first time you used such an intimate nickname

and he loved it

hearing such words fall from your mouth

you both get blood drunk nightly

but refusing to feed on kids, because you have some morals

and you push Klaus to erase after eating because why draw attention to himself, he already has a healthy crowd of enemies

and that is where Elijah expresses gratitude

if you ever get kidnapped on that one occasion you were caught off guard

be ready, the cavalry are coming

a crowd of angry originals, breaking down walls and tearing out hearts

“shit! I didn’t know she had all of ‘em at her beck and call-” one of your kidnappers scream, as he watches his cronies drop to the floor

“mate, I advice you shut your mouth, in fact- I’ll do it for you-” queue Kol punching his head from his shoulders, it rolls nicely onto the floor in a pool of blood

they had you on a vervain drip

“oh, love, I’m so sorry.” Klaus is by your side, ripping out the tubes, hugging you close

Kol is your annoying little brother, but mostly a sweetheart to you

you two tend to sneak out together, infiltrating house parties

“if Nik finds us, he’ll kill you!” you scream over the music

“he can try, darling!” he howls with laughter, a bottle of his chosen alcohol spilling down his throat

he does find you

“why in the world, did you think I wouldn’t notice you leaving my side?” he caresses your cheek

“don’t torture him, we just wanted a bit of fun.” you whisper, pressing a kiss to the corner of his mouth

“I suppose you’re right, I have faith in his protection, he loves you like family.” begrudgingly letting Kol off the hook

he has fucked you on every surface in his home

“not on the dinner table, Nik-” Beks

“I eat off that counter, pests.” Kol

“Is it a rule that you have to infect every piece of furniture in our home?” Elijah

*noises of disgust* Finn

*eye roll* Freya

still counting how many public displays he can get away with

he has tied your ex to a chair and made him watch as he gave you orgasm after orgasm

I mean, he murdered him afterwards, so-

“was there any need?”

“yes.”

in his mind, you’re already together forever

he lets you be in possession of one of his daggers, just in case his family give you any problems

“you know I won’t need to use it-”

“just humour me, keep it safe.”

it’s never boring

y’all he’s in love 😻

[trashworldblog]

puppet history theory time!! whats gonna happen this friday???

okokokokok there some stuff to unpack here

(disclaimer! i will be posting about this ep and the finale right after i watch it right when it comes out!! so please avoid my blog until you have seen the most recent episode)

so next week is a BIG episode, i honestly was expecting the finale to be The Big Episode but its possible that both of these episodes are Thicc with lore. Makes sense, theres alot of elements to the story that needs to be wrapped up (minus whatever cliff hanger that shane will leave us hanging until s6).

I thought that we would have to wait for the finale to see this scene, but since the disclaimer, i think we'll be seeing shane in ryans chair on friday! super excited to see what deal/meeting he's having with the devil. Ive heard of a ton of good theories (if you want to read my whole breakdown of the photo look here). now that i know that it has to fit with what we know now, im assuming its Executive Producer Shane Madej™ having a serious talk with the devil. I think the hologram is going to fail, revealing the devil to be somewhat responsible. The details to How he's responsible (or if we're gonna get a nod to demon shane) are pretty unclear, which is exciting!!

my main ideas are

1) shane made a deal with the devil in order to keep the show running. He may be a demon, but it will be subtlely implied for the people who Know™

2) shane just learned that the professor was never really here and is kinda pissed that he has to deal with this bullshit. he has to finish this show and deal with the logistics of having the devil on your payroll. In this one i imagine Executive Producer Shane Madej isnt super attached or passionate about the show and is there just to get his job done (funny becuase obviously irl shane is very passionate about puppet history :) )

I think ryan's fate isnt looking very good so far. Its good that he clearly knows that something is up, but he isn't sure what it is, and seems to be getting involved. He's tried to buy the genie lamp, he's been testing and pushing "the professor" at every turn and continues to get weird and Not Correct vibes from "the professor". i think all this meddling will probably get him caught or hurt. I think theres two ways ryans fate can go he either

1) is caught red handed or off guard by "the professor" (or whoever is behind "the professor") and is hurt in some way. being turned into a puppet, meat suit, or to be eaten are my top 3 picks. If i had to choose, meat suit ryan being controlled by a puppet who doesnt know/remember how human bodies are controlled would be really funny. hijinks, office shenanigans, everyones confused faces, 10/10

2) ryan actually figures it out!! (yay beef boy!) I just can't stop thinking of this line from the professors funeral song. I know shane is always foreshadowing stuff so it Feels like that but, it could be nothing.

In this theory I'm imagining ryan finally pulls back the curtain on the hologram live on puppet history and the person behind the hologram is left exposed and suprized, making it so ryan (and the crew) can put a stop to the hologram. Ryan has been building up his courage to touch "the professor" or the box and its possible that he'll finally get fed up enough that he just does it. After that they might jump to Executive Producer Shane Madej meeting with the devil.

Now, I know its sad, but we have to talk about it.

What will be the fate of our favorite dino family?

Well...

I would love to think that that star that just keeps getting brighter is anything other then a meteor that is going to kill all the dinosaurs.

unfortunately,, this lines up so we can assume,,, this is what killed the dinosaurs. (sorry!)

and if we look closer at this photo, you can see a t-rex and a pterodactyl next to the adorable lil hat and glasses. :(

does this mean i think the dino professor is dead?

no.

He has the knowledge of his past, and he has his satchel. He probably stayed as long as he could, left his hat and glasses behind, and faked his death so he would be off the genies radar for a while. Then he time traveled to current times and has been sneaking around the puppet history and watcher set trying to stop the genie/devil.

The biggest piece of evidence for this is in episode one where theres some noises in the background while "the professor" is on stage teaching and ryan asks

"yo is this place haunted?"

I think the noise they heard is from the dino professor moving around trying to piece together what to do next. It would be best for the dino professor to do all that moving while "the professor" is busy teaching, so that he's less likely to be caught.

WHATS IN THE BOOXXXXXX

I know it has to be important. It has to. Im on board for the dino professor to be in the box. Im not as confident in my theory about the box, but! thats ok!

my thoughts are, if the dino professor is going around the set loudly in ep1, i would expect that to continue to happen more and more throughout the season. However, that has not been happening. So I think the dino professor made it to the puppet history set, made too much noise, escaped to watcher HQ where he was caught by "The professor" and was locked into the box.

Episode 2 started with ryan pointing out the chains on the box. At first i thought the box would progressively get more and more locks and chains, but it didnt. Making me feel like putting the dino professor in the box wasnt part of the plan, but "the professor" added a lock and chain and thought "that'll do".

I think in episode 1 the box was powered on jelly beans, coveted cups, and whatever other magical professor stuff was lying around. After "the professor" caught the dino professor, he needed a place to hold him. Why not this box? i got a lock and chains, that should hold him in the box! And from then on, the dino professor has been stuck in there. All those glitches? might be the dino professor trying to escape the box so he can save and forgive his favorite beef boy.

(a fun idea supporting this is the end song that is usually the backup vocals and instrumentals has been replaced by what sounds like the song playing in another room, possibly becuase the real professor is in the box, barely able to hear what is happening on stage? credit goes to the wonderful max for figuring this theory out with me, truly genius level thinking going on there)

I think i can see either see

1) the dino professor saving beef boy by cutting off the power in the box, leaving the person in charge (probably the devil, maybe the genie) exposed. this either happens live durring puppet history, or the professor escapes the box, and saves ryan from being killed/puppetified just at the last minute. The jist is, the professor saves ryan.

2) or.. ryan breaks the box or touches "the professor" exposing the hologram, and saving the dino professor from being stuck in the box. aka, beef boy saves the professor.

I can see this whole arc taking place over one or two episodes. If the dino professor is saved before the finale, the finale might be a reunion and celebration of the real professor finally coming back and teaching again. and ryan will be relieved when he doesnt win.

ANYWAYS thats my theories!! ill be sure to update yall after the episode on friday! im so excited to see if this is the path shane decides to go down. i feel like theres so many cool ways this shows lore can go and this is just a few of them. knowing shane, its gonna be crazy and entertaining the whole way through.

Super excited!

[findingblissinignorance]

tell me you're gonna be alright (Shakarian)

Happy holidays to @wasdplz for @masseffectholidaycheer!

Garrus and Shep have such a great relationship, I hope I was able to do it justice and I hope you enjoy!

It is also here on Ao3

.

It was funny the way the universe worked. One moment Garrus was preparing for a suicide mission and then his commander and best friend was suddenly suggesting something he had never seriously considered. Not that he hadn’t thought about it at all, but she was not only technically his superior, but also of an entirely different species. Anytime the thought may have crossed his mind, usually after a few drinks if he was honest, it had always been quickly dismissed. That was until she was there asking to test his reach and her flexibility. He was a little awkward and nervous about it, but he respected her and it would actually be nice to have some of the tension relieved, so why the hell not?

Fast forward a bit and now he can’t imagine life without her. While they had been apart, he tried to push the thought of her to the back of her mind with little success. When he scanned through Alliance news, he told himself it was to keep an eye out for any sign of the incoming invasion, he definitely wasn’t just looking for anything that mentioned Commander Shepard. However, the moment he saw her again on Menae, he knew he was done for. His homeworld was burning behind him and the galaxy was beginning to fall apart around them, but he didn’t want to let go of her hand. It didn’t take him long after that to realize just how deeply in love with her he was. It was a relief when he found out she loved him too. Maybe they didn’t have the most romantic of beginnings, but Garrus wouldn’t change it for the galaxy. 

Garrus had been laying there quietly, watching Shepard as she slept, a rare occurrence these days. She had almost seemed peaceful, but he had noticed the sharp intake of breath. Another bad dream, Garrus had no doubt. Cyan had been trying to hide that from him, trying to ease his worry, but he knew her too well at this point. The dreams were becoming more and more frequent as this war went on and he was concerned.

“I can feel you staring at me.” A single blue eye opened, staring up at Garrus now. There was a slight twitch of his mandibles. “What are you thinking about?” 

He hummed in thought a moment before answering. “How in that last fight I outnumbered your kills 3 to 1.” 

“What!?” Both of her eyes shot open now, but her look was quick to change from surprise to a glare once her tired brain had the chance to catch up. “Oh ha ha. In no universe would that ever fucking happen.” Cyan let out a groan as she stretched her arms out above her, attempting to rid herself of some of the stiffness without moving out of his arms. “I can’t believe you’d waste your time on fantasies like that.”

“Oh trust me, I waste plenty of my time on fantasies involving you, but, uh, none of them are quite like that.” The both of them laughed as she relaxed against his chest once again. He was sure that he couldn’t be very comfortable, at least by human standards, but she never complained about it. They fell into silence for a moment and he was just thinking she had maybe fallen back asleep when she spoke again.

“What were you really thinking about?” Her tone was surprisingly serious and it made him hesitate. That was one thing he had in common with her. They both were so used to keeping things close to their chests. Around each other they did open up a little more, but he knew there was a lot she still kept hidden and he still always had the urge to just laugh everything off with a bad joke. She had pulled back to look at him now, a few strands of her dark hair falling over her face. 

“I was thinking…” Garrus carefully tucked her hair back behind her ear, buying himself a moment to think. He was never good at this kind of thing, but he wanted to at least try. “I know we kind of stumbled our way to where we are now and I know it is difficult to find time to be happy between the fighting and the worry and everything, but I’m glad I have you. There is a lot that has gone wrong and there is a lot that I know that I’ve done wrong, but this? You? It’s the one thing I know is right in this whole galaxy. Without a doubt. Getting to be in love with you makes this all a hell of a lot easier.” His finger gently brushed along the edge of the scar that went across her face as she smiled at him. “I'm worried about you though. I can only imagine the stress you have been under and losi-”

"I know." Cyan interrupted him softly. Her smile had faded and he could see the turmoil of everything she was feeling. Anger, fear, despair. She allowed him a small glimpse of it all before taking a moment to rein it back in. "I want to talk to you, I do, but I can't. Not until we get through this. I'm afraid if I start breaking I won't stop until there's nothing but a million pieces of me shattered across the floor. We don't have time to put that back together right now." She put a hand on his chest. "After, I promise. If we get through this, I will gladly tell you everything. Nothing held back. You have my word."

His hand covered hers. "Good and when we get there I will gladly help put you back together." 

“When? I thought you always liked to expect the worst? Something about being pleasantly surprised?”  

“Let’s just say I found something that made me want to be more hopeful.” Garrus gave her hand a squeeze. Before either of them could say anymore, they were interrupted by the chirping sound of the intercom followed by the voice of Javik.

“Commander, it is time. We’ve reached the Citadel and I would like to accompany you to the station.” 

“Of course, not a problem, Javik. I’ll be down in a moment.” She replied with a heavy sigh. Only Commander Shepard could seem completely unfazed about talking to a 50,000 year old Prothean. Garrus himself still had trouble wrapping his head around it, but he shouldn’t be surprised by her at this point. Shepard had a way of completely changing the galaxy while barely batting an eye. “I guess it’s back to it then.” Cyan moved to roll out of the bed. He was reluctant to let her go, but he knew now wasn’t the time to be selfish.

It didn’t take her long to get ready. The days of wearing a formal uniform had long since passed, even when going to meet with a member of the council, so she just threw on a set of crumpled fatigues. By the time she had smoothed down a few stray hairs and splashed a little water in her face, the seriousness had left her expression and there was no hint of the turmoil from before. Garrus was leaning against the wall near the door watching her. “Are you coming or staying on the Normandy?” She asked as she stopped in front of him.

“I think I’ll stay this time. I highly doubt that your Turian boyfriend is invited to your secret meeting with the Asari councilor and I can’t imagine this trip is going to take very long so I won’t be able to help the refugees much anyway.” 

“You could always keep an eye on Javik.” 

“As entertaining as I’m sure that would be, I’m not really in the mood to hear about how us primitives are going to be wiped out because we are so pathetic.” Garrus said, mimicking Javik’s tone as best he could. It wasn’t the best impression, but it made her laugh. 

“That’s fair enough.” Cyan chuckled as she pressed up on her toes to place a gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth. “I’ll see you when I get back then.” As she went to leave her quarters, Garrus followed and reached out to lightly grab her wrist before she reached the elevator. She stopped and looked at him. “Wha-” Before she could finish her question, he leaned in for a real kiss. “Hello there.” 

“Hey.” Garrus stayed close, resting his forehead against hers and closing his eyes. One last moment of sincerity. “I know you don’t want to talk about it right now, just… don’t forget I’m here to help however I can. You don’t have to shoulder it all.”

“I know. I’m fine.” She reached up to caress his cheek with a soft smile on her face. They stayed like that for just another moment longer, both of them stealing the seconds of intimacy before it was time to put the walls back up. “You know, there is one thing you can do for me.” Her smile turned into a smirk as she pulled away from him and he knew it was time to let it go for now. “When I get back, I would be very interested in hearing about those other fantasies you mentioned. What do you say?”

“I will be waiting right here for you so we can discuss those in incredible detail.”Garrus tilted his head and lowered his voice a little. “I might even show you a few things, just to make sure you understand.”

“Sounds perfect.”

“Please someone throw me out of an airlock.” Both of them looked up quickly at the Prothean neither of them had seen in the elevator. Javik’s arms were crossed and Garrus would say he looked unimpressed, but he was pretty sure that was his default expression. 

"Javik, what are you doing up here?" Cyan put some space between her and Garrus, even though their relationship was no secret at this point. Something about trying to keep some level of professionalism though they both crossed the line often enough. “I told you I'd be right down.”

"You were taking too long and now I see why.” 

“Just how long have you been standing there?” Garrus asked, rubbing the back of his neck.

“Long enough.” Javik answered dryly.

“Okay, well I’m ready now, so let’s go.” Cyan cast Garrus an apologetic look as she joined Javik on the elevator. “We’ll talk later, Garrus.” There was a pause before she added. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” As the door closed, Garrus was sure he heard a muttered comment about primitives before he was standing there alone. 

There was a time he had thought that he wouldn’t find love and he had been fine with that. There were more important things. Now here they were at what might be the end of everything and there was nothing more important to him than her. But the universe had to keep its sense of humor and so she was the one who had to be in the middle of all of this. Still, he would do everything in his power to get her through this. After all, there is no Vakarian without Shepard.

[antiloreolympus]

10 Anti LO Asks

(Note: All of these asks are before episode 206 (Season 2 finale) so some may be dated.) 1. lmao the episodes right before the mid season finale look way better than the current ones despite time off. how is that even possible.

2. nah but its funny rachel was like wait i cant have him send demeter's a baby shower gift and cut minthe off financially thatll make him look bad! but instead adding him being AWARE shes 19 and still chasing after her "tiny pink body" and "ass shaped like an upside down heart" and having him brag about owning countless slaves makes him look better? the logic is flawless here /sarcasm

3. I mean even beyond the fact the citizens dont like him nor do the old underworld gods, how does rachel expect us to buy hades causing economical collapse in ALL the realms and causing shit with the other kings over ONE PERSON HE KNEW A MONTH doesn't make him look like an thin-skinned, oppressive dictator? why should anyone support this? he's raging out like trump when he lost the 2020 election. just because rachel keeps insisting hes in the right doesnt actually mean he is.

4. Fp- is the joke with the fur supposed to be funny? Cause it wasn't. It just shows 1 AGAIN(after buying stuff while complaining about capitalism) that Perse is a hypocrite, she knows it & doesn't care 2 Hades doesn't really care about animals beside his dogs, it's just adding to him being horrible person. If the fur was artificial she wouldn't feel bad about wearing it & it would be mentioned. Also feelings since 4th day? Creepy. Definitely that girl understands you the most after 4 days...

5. how could olympus and the underworld turn into a shitshow after persephone left? literally tho, she should have been a nobody. all the citizens should only know is that 1) hades ripped a guys eye out for her and 2) she killed humans and didn't report it to zeus. if anything, the citizens should've believed persephone deserved to be punished, and that hades is an immature manchild for what he pulled in the court,,,

6. Why doesn’t Cerberus have three heads. I’m sure this has been asked before but how you gonna write Cerberus without three heads—the one defining trait this dog has. Where are the other heads. Where are they

7. this is such a minor thing but WHY ARE NONE OF THE EYES IN LO LINED UP PROPERLY. I have a lazy eye and if I don't focus on it long enough it can go out of focus/look elsewhere, but I don't think that's what happening?? Why are their eyes always looking in different directions 😭

8. what I don't think Rachel gets this, but having Persephone and Hades cling to someone they barely know from a decade+ ago shows a huge lack of mental and emotional maturity on their ends. I realize it's a bit more complicated because we do know they end up together, but that's why placing it before they even start dating is just a bad idea. This isnt a case of lovers/spouses longing to see each other again, it's two grown adults with the emotional maturity of 15 year olds.

9. Rachel don't draw women with heart shaped faces, hourglass bodies, and huge eyes challenge (impossible for her specifically difficulty)

10. why would hebe even want to be like her mom anyway? hera was emotionally and mentally neglectful of her, abandoned her so zeus presumably raised her himself, and hera is a hypocritical, racist jerk who cheats on her husband, is misogynistic to other women, openly married zeus for power, told others about persephone's assault without her consent, mistreats her own "friend", and abuses her power of everyone else. rachel really wants us to buy she's a ~complicated woman~ over just being an asshole.

[polarisbibliotheque]

How do you think Vergil and Dante would deal with a s/o who choked on bobba milk tea after trying it the first time because they didn’t know there were actual balls in it. No one told them there would be balls. After the shock wears off, s/o continues to drink it Anyway. ”It’s delicious.… you know I probably wouldn’t be dating you if I couldn’t handle a little risk *sips*”?

Hello there!! First things first: thanks a lot for being around, for the ask and for waiting!

I was travelling and it took me some time to see it, but here it is! Hahaha bobba tea can be really dangerous I choked on it the first time too, be careful, people T-T

This ended up kinda goofy and a good time with the Sparda Bros'™, that ends on a more sentimental note - I hope you like it!

**

Intro - The Bobba Milk Tea Accident

It was tea – milk tea, nothing to fear. Just another Saturday in your week, just another normal day. Taking a stroll through the city with your half-demon lover, watching the sunset paint what was left of the day orange while you both exchanged endless words of ideas and laughs. A usual day before going back to the Devil May Cry and preparing to go back to business on Monday.

That is, if you hadn’t suddenly choked on… What was that?! Gummy balls?!

Dante

“These are bobba, silly! It’s kinda the whole point of the tea!” Dante didn’t know if he should laugh or help you.

Probably both, just like he was already doing.

“What the hell…?!” You forced out of your throat, still coughing. It was sudden, it was unexpected. “Why didn’t you tell me… Before…?! Red devil…?!”

“Hey, don’t shoot the cowboy, sheriff! Who decided to buy it in the first place?!” And Dante was still laughing, tapping your back to see if you finally managed to breathe properly again. “I thought you knew!”

He would definitely have to sit by the sidewalk to resume his laughing after you were ok, though.

“Well, clearly… I didn’t know!” You took a deep breath, finally feeling your throat free again. Holding onto Dante’s shoulders, he kept looking at you to see if you were fine. “What?”

“Just checkin’ if I’m gonna have to take my sweetheart to the Hospital, that’s all.” And even though his voice had that playful Dante tone in it, his sky-blue eyes watched you with care and concern.

You could never really get mad at him, could you?

“Nah, your sweetheart is fine.” You winked back, making him smile brightly in return. You thought your lover would resume your walk, but Dante did exactly what he thought before: sitting by the sidewalk, the half-demon started to laugh hysterically. “Oh, you’re such a goof!”

“I am?! Look who’s still drinkin’ it as if nothing happened!” He pointed at you, having the time of his life. “Ya know, a stupid accident like that can kill a human!”

“Well, it’s delicious! Just like you!” You quipped back, shrugging while smiling back at your red devil. “I’m dating you, Dante! Seriously think I can’t handle a bit of risk in my life?!”

“That’s exactly my point!” He shook his head, as if you were unbelievable. “Killin’ hordes of demons by my side and end up in the Hospital because of some bobba milk tea?!”

“Well, we all have our weaknesses, red devil.” You winked once again, smiling as you took another sip of your tea. “Know what? This thing is really nice, I like it.”

“Ya love some danger in your life, huh?” Dante finally got up from the sidewalk, wrapping one of his arms around you.

“Of course. I’m your human, ain’t I?” Your answer was so casual, he could let it slip by if he wasn’t paying attention.

But Dante always paid attention to you. And his smile was enough of an answer to your rhetorical question.

Vergil

The blue son of Sparda ignored the fact that you called it gummy balls – in a matter of fact, he was more worried with the fact that you yourself might turn blue from choking than the right classification of what you seemed to be strangled with.

“Why there’s something… In… The tea…?!” You managed to get those words out, while Vergil did his best to help you.

That meant just standing there, tapping at your back until you got better. If you didn’t, he’d have to resort to some old, demonic medicine he could improvise with some Holy Water he always carried around and his blood.

It wouldn’t be pleasant, but it would at least melt whatever was hurting you and help you breathe again.

“It’s called bobba milk tea, love. The pearls are what makes it special.” Vergil only raised one of his eyebrows, wondering if it was starting to affect your discernment.

Apparently, yes.

“Why no one told me that…?!” You lowered your head, speaking in the most ominous voice your throat could muster while trying to get rid of the pearls.

You could scare a demon with that voice, at least he would give you that.

“Stop talking and try to breathe.” Vergil tapped your back once again, now with a little more strength. You were the most powerful human he knew, but he always minded his strength around you. The last thing he wanted to do was to hurt you.

“Bossy.” You quipped back, making Vergil just stare back at you.

You always talked back when things like that happened. It was difficult for Vergil to get used to it – although he didn’t really mind it.

“Great personalities act alike.” It was the only thing Vergil managed to slowly banter back, while you took a deep breath, finally standing up straight again. “How are you feeling, love?”

“NowI am better.” And after that long deep breath, you looked back at the bobba milk tea, taking another sip right after. Vergil’s silvery gaze clearly judged you. “What is it, love?”

“Most humans learn from experience and don’t put themselves into the same danger right after.” He crossed his arms, looking so tall and stoic as he always did when chastising you.

“It’s tea, Vergil. Its deliciousness is a given.” You had a devilish smile in your lips, taking a quick sip before speaking again. “I’d say being your lover is much more of a risk. If I couldn’t handle it, I wouldn’t ever want to taste the forbidden fruit again, would I?”

“Oh, I am your forbidden fruit now?” Vergil raised both of his eyebrows, offering you one of his arms so you could resume the afternoon walk.

“Of course. And I won’t let a little danger stop me.” You accepted his arm, following Vergil’s footsteps as they led you back to the Devil May Cry.

You were too concentrated on your tea to notice the proud smile he had on his lips. Indeed, he was dangerous – and being with him was even worse. But something in Vergil’s chest glowed in pride to know you thought of it as just a little danger – and your love was braver than that.