#you lose hours
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Putting the word dissociate on a high shelf where no one can reach it forever and ever sorry
#actually dissociative#“lol i love to dissociate by making up stories in my head when im bored in class#DAYDREAMING THAT IS CALLED DAYDREAMING#you don't choose to dissociate because you're bored#and you don't make up stories in your head when you dissociate#you just. cease to exist.#time goes on without you#you lose hours#days even#and if you do “make up stories” they aren't distinguishable from reality#you don't remember what's real anymore#and then you wake up#you're seeing through your own eyes but you don't control where they look#your body moves without you#you hear yourself talking but the words aren't yours#your body needed someone to fill the void you left behind and your mind gave it someone#and when you come back that person resents you#constantly whispering in your ear “when is it my turn?”#and you don't want to give up control again#you don't want the world to go on without you#but it does#and it will keep going on without you until you can take back control#maybe you pass the time by pretending you are in control somewhere else#you forget it's not real#and when you come back you're confused#you need help to figure out what's real#it's not fun#it's not something you choose to do
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Look what we've become.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#jiang cheng#Initially I wanted to do a 'Mutiny' quote to follow the 'Luck runs out' quote.#But the musical earworms demanded a different blood to be drawn. And I think it works just as well.#Alright. It's time to confess something. I really struggled with this comic. I didn't want to draw it. Then I didn't want to upload it.#Because I knew I would be here in the tags writing and backspacing for hours trying to articulate my thoughts.#I'm going to talk about death and grief in the tags today so this is your WARNING to look away if you aren't in a headspace for it.#Sometimes in media there are scenes and characters which land on topics so specific to your wounds that it reopens them all over again.#Because here's the truth. When you've known someone like this for nearly your whole life...it doesn't matter how bad the fight is.#You always think 'We'll always have time. One day this dust will settle and we'll rebuild the bridge.'#And then the fucker dies!!! He dies and suddenly there will never ever be time to repair the rift.#Someone you loved died thinking you hated them. And part of you did just a bit. But love and hate aren't mutually exclusive.#He's fucking dead and you are left with so many broken and unfinished pieces between the two of you.#Jiang Cheng loses Wei Wuxian thinking that WWX thought they hated each other.#He's a younger brother who will one day be older than the person he lost.#Who has no one else in the world who understands those feelings of love and hate and grief.#I can't be normal about this character. I don't think he even heals me. Zero catharsis to be gained here.#I just look at his sour grape ass and think 'shit that's a little too close to home.' JC is my discomfort character.#I'm probably going to regret being this vulnerable in the tags in like. An hour. So. sorry if you see this once and never again.#EDIT: Yeah sorry this took 4 hours to muster the courage to post. Surprise update!#EDIT 2: You guys were being too nice to me on my sad comic to point out the spelling error. I have fixed it now B'*)
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Yeah sure I'll let this one free into the wild
#I cannot stress enough I made this in about an hour as a joke#But um. Animation practice I guess???? It's rotoscoped from that one gif. You know the one.#I can definitely do better than this but I'm artfight prepping and also was losing my shit the whole time making this#Minos prime#Ultrakill#<- Wasn't going to maintag but. By request apparently. Here#Hrokkall shitpost#1k#<- WHY.
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What happens when a stream goes far beyond the point it should've been turned off..? This is, THE DARK HOUR
youtube
What if there was a "podcast" that could never be recorded intentionally? One that only occurs when the clock's arm enters its most dreaded position… This is. THE DARK HOUR. A new variety series from RTVS that will showcase what happens when a stream goes far too long, what comedy horrors are born from a late nite chat with the Boyz…
In this first episode, Scorpy's Kingdom Hearts stream enters strange territory after his energy is spent besting Riku. After accessing the Royal Toddlers wiki, everything changes. Talk of sad lives in a circus leads to a wish to visit Gimbel's Toy Store. And then we realize our collective, deepest, wish. PLEASE LET US MOVE IN WITH YOU, PHARELL!
#rtvs#radio tv solutions#wayneradiotv#socpens#trog#spaghoner#baaulp#the dark hour#pharell i will lose my balls for you#Youtube
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#slowly but steadily losing my sanity#drawing some epic clownery#I think it will be the final part of the third episode#I think..#jsjdkfkgmg#Tapa I see you sent this ask half an hour ago#I hope you are sleeping rn🔫
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It's Shin Soukoku Starting
#We got the sskk. We got the Akutagawa lives. We got Atsushi soft smile. We got the Akutagawa outfit change. I can't do this.#Okay now running to not lose another train please wish me luck#See you in one hour to scream about the rest that isn't sskk (also lie)#atsushi nakajima#ryūnosuke akutagawa#sskk#shin soukoku#bsd#bungou stray dogs#bsd s5#bsd season 5
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the marauders fandom is dangerous it will suck you in. you think ur safe from harry potter’s dad and his gay friends fanfiction. u think i dont care about that. thats not me. im safe. but ur not.
#im fighting a war against my brain not to get sucked in#i miss the harry potter universe so kuch#im running off of 1/4 of a au fanfiction and hours worth of tiktoks and fanart and nothing else#i will NOT read atyd#i have things to do in my life its too LING#thats where i put my foot down.#sirius black i missed u…. jegulus i never knew u but ive come to adore you#i am fighting a losing war#marauders fandom#marauders fanfiction#marauders era#marauders#jegulus#wolfstar#james potter#sirius black#remus lupin#peter pettigrew
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texts with boyfriend sim jaeyun
pairing: jake x female reader genre: comedy, smut-ish, fluff au: established relationship rating: 18+ mdni warnings: veerrryyyyy suggestive, dirty talk, impreg kink, talking about birthday sex and not using condoms, strong language, jake is a loser but a very silly goofy lovely loser, pet names, he's very sappy and down bad for y/n a/n: happy birthday to best boy jake! he's the reason i even got pulled into the fandom and the why im stanning enhypen now. even though i've been listening to their music since debut, i always found myself making fun of jake lightheartedly without even knowing who he was. from the post malone song "this is not it" live to the border carnival holo pc, i hope i can always be here to joke lovingly at this silly boy who holds such a special place in my heart. thank you for being my bias for two whole days, im sorry jay came and swooped me up like that. but you'll always be my favorite bias wrecker 🫶 thank you for showing up on my fyp so many times and influencing me to buy tickets two days before the concert in seattle. seeing you live changed my life in more ways than i can begin to explain. so thank you jake for being the person you are. i hope this year is filled with a lot of smiles and happy memories for you. happy birthday jake 💛
a/n: ♡ pls like, comment, and reblog if you enjoyed! ♡ masterlist all rights reserved jayparked 11/15/24 do not copy, repost, or translate
#enhypen fake texts#jake fake texts#jake smut#jake x reader#jake x you#jake x y/n#sim jaeyun#sim jaeyun smut#jaeyun fake texts#enhypen smut#jake hard hours#jake hard thoughts#enhypen hard hours#jake has me going crazy lately im literally losing my mind#experiencing the omega verse thanks jake
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my text disappeared here when i posted. what happened
#annyways whats the deal with the panicau. im not talking about like popularity or anythin g#why does n have the evil triangle solver and uzi is a ghost thats evil but also not and theres teeth??? in visor??????#i dont understand anything about it but the artstyle looks cool so i can ignore that#havent drawn this large in a while but i needed to do it for the pc screen to not be Totally crushed#a little crushing is ok. as a treat#i think i took this idea from a post i saw once but i cannot find it again for the life of me#and very intelligent prior me decided not to link it to myself so. lost media#still trying to figure out how i want to draw drone heads slash visors and have been since i started drawing md stuff#losing it#spent like an hour trying to draw something else before giving up and doing this instead#if youre lucky ill actually do it eventually#art#murder drones#murder drones uzi#murder drones n#serial designation n#do i even tag mdpanic?? does this count???#constantly afraid ill mess up tagging#which is something you can do and i might be doing#and also thats a joke. hopefully
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starting the year with a meme redraw. sorry
#or you're welcome#i joked about this and then blacked out for an hour and here we are#this is how you lose the time war#once again changing my designs every time i draw them#breakthrough on these ones: making blue's shoulder scar star (ish) shaped. adding that to my cosplay#i'm sure it's still very obvious robotymechcyborg designing is not my strong point. winging it#book fanart#2025 fanart#books#booklr#edit: amal approved and also apparently they were writing timewar during when this original tweet was tweeted...
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anyway laerryn would've released predathos by now
#critical role#cr lb#literally do it who cares break the world#can laerryn come back in the 11th hour just to release predathos lets do it#hear me out the absolute hilarity of vecna being like i've RETURNED!!! FOOLS!!!! and IMMEDIATELY getting eaten by predathos is hilarious ok#and i THINK***** if the divine trammels lose divinity whatever banishment vecna would come back so of course he's like do it >;)#laerryn is SCREAMING like what are you guys DOING a GODEATER. PROVING the illegitimacy of the divine and y'all aint gonna pop that lock?#could never be her
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one thing about ik is that she will always reach out
#obey me#art#i had the idea for this and managed to bulldoze through drawing it all without losing motivation halfway through#but Do Not expect me to post art this frequently in future#idk how to do panels so if the middle bit with the text might be laid out weird#i added the stars and feathers and stuff because there was a bunch of empty space around the boxes#obey me satan#jtta ik#(btw the crumbling symbol next to the exploding feather is the wrath symbol from in-game)#(with the pride symbol attached upside down at the bottom)#(not so much symbolism as it is just me whacking you over the head with the point but it looks cool)#i had a lot of fun doing satan's more monstrous design so i might try my hand at some of the other demons later?#i do have some ideas for levi (deep sea creatures are just really fun)#also happy nightbringer release day!! it showed up on my homescreen like half an hour ago and i was like “wait what”#for some reason i thought it wasn't releasing til next week??#the new genshin patch is today as well so looks like i'll have plenty to do with the rest of my free time for the easter hols#(i promise i'm also working on the next chapter of jtta but i am so stuck on how to get lucifer actually Talking)#anyway. here's a gold star for making it through all my rambling in the tags for anyone who did so: ⭐
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Danse Macabre
[Commission]
#dungeon meshi#dungeon meshi spoilers#marcille donato#winged lion#better drawn mdzs#<- art tag I really need to change.#Turns out the secret to drawing better was having someone offer you money to draw.#I jest. I just had a blast with this prompt and I seriously appreciate the commissioner for letting me have the chance to push myself.#And for giving me permission to post! Hi! If you're seeing this: thank you again!#Let me be clear: no I don't quite know where this came from. It just happened. My chakras unblocked for a few hours.#You too can unblock my chakras with money and commission me to draw cool art B*)#We are so far off from when this is relevant so this one is really just for the manga readers. *****Spoiler notes ahead:#So...As someone who read dungeon meshi monthly for many years....I admit to not seeing Marcille becoming the dungeon lord coming#Hilarious too; re-reading and watching the show made me realize that this outcome is pretty strongly foreshadowed.#Ryoko Kui distracts you by putting the focus on Laios being the 'one to break the curse' but nope!#This was the culmination of her goals and desires.#And - for those who did not have to suffer as us monthly readers did:#YES. WE NEARLY ALL THOUGHT THAT MARCILLE HAD TO DIE.#The last 20 or so chapters were a constant spiral of: 'Oh this story isn't going to have a happy ending is it?'#She just keeps losing herself! The winged lion plays her like a puppet and she is his perfect doll! So full of conviction!
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listened to most of The Art of War while hanging clothes at my job earlier and I'm going to just distill down the real advice for y'all without the twenty thousand similes and metaphors and such
Wars are expensive have them really fast
Don't kill your soldiers they need food and stuff
But sometimes put your soldiers into inescapable life or death situations because that's how you really get them to be workin' hard instead of hardly workin', y'know
Have more guys than the enemy and be smarter. The best way to win a war is to have every single favorable condition for winning a war. Hope that helps
DO NOT fight in a salt marsh
If your boss gives you a stupid order, don't follow that order
Be 15 min early to the battlefield
Attack the enemy's weak points. But also they might be faking weaknesses so don't attack if they seem weak. But attack their weak points. But also-
For the love of god don't let anyone read omens
#vic talks#if you limited sun tzu to 1-2 metaphors only per concept#and gave him the use of the words 'vice versa'#the art of war would be a pamphlet#sun tzu: so there's only direct and indirect warfare. this might not seem like a lot#me: it's fine#st: but there are only five primary colors but by combining them you get... a lot of colors#me: ok#sun tzu: and there's only five types of flavor but you can get... MANY flavors#me: OKAY#sun tzu: and there's five-#also. the urge to rewrite the first section of the book in the tone of someone trying to sell their online course is strong#st: ever wondered why YOU keep losing BATTLES? well I have a FOOLPROOF guide to becoming a SUCCESSFUL GENERAL!!#with just SIX SIMPLE TIPS you will RE-VITALIZE YOUR ARMY#CUT YOUR EXPENSES and...#IMPRESS YOUR SOVEREIGN!#and for the next 24 hours my private consultation rate is discounted
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thinking about Lucanis again (always). and how so much of his narrative boils down to the theme of "control". and of course also about how this applies to the Rook x Lucanis relationship.
like the first scenes with him in the game are, in theory, about freeing him from the Ossuary (although he seems to have an escape attempt already in progress at the time, they certainly weren't just letting him keep those knives on him for enrichment purposes, Rook just provided an opening/distraction he could take advantage of and crucially Rook has A Way Out of the whole place not just a cell). but ACTUALLY the purpose it to put him right into a new contract for Us, one set up by his own grandmother and first talon no less, and the person he has the MOST trouble saying no to. He's escaped torture and the Venatori for sure but he still isn't free, which I think is part of what leads to Spite's confusion/the Inner Demons plotline. He agrees to the contract but you can tell it's in many parts out of a sense of duty/mourning vs something he actively wants to do for himself. And then the FIRST real heartfelt conversation you have with him, where he tells you "even before I was captured, my life was not really my own. So much had been determined for me." But he's chaffaing at that! He thinks "to live truly is to live fully" and so directly tells you he doesn't think he's lived a life true to himself. He's been constantly smothered by the weight of expectations around him, even though he longs for more.
And then once you get him to the Lighthouse you see how this Big lack of control in his life comes out as all these smaller frustrations. He's terrified of sleeping and downing 11 cups of coffee per hour because sleeping means he will lose control to Spite, even though Spite is shown to flee rather than fight when he feels threatened, and once calmed down, is more drawn to just benign curiosity/mischief than anything actively malicious. Like if Lucanis loses control and sleeps for a few hours he is not going to wake up surrounded by bloodshed, he's going to wake up to a belly full of candle wax because he wouldn't like Spite taste one while they were awake. Which is the other half of this--he constantly denying Spite's impulses for reasons that in some ways make sense (HE doesn't want to eat candles), but not in a way that's actually satisfying to either of them (why not just take a bite, chew for a bit, and spit it out so Spite knows they kind of suck actually?). But he CAN say no to Spite and so he does. Over and over. Spite's one of the few people he can deny things without feeling bad about it, because it's HIS body he doesn't like that has to share now (<- this is what he thinks about it at first anyway, but he's wrong, it's both of theirs and it's useless to try to hold those kind of boundaries forever. but the "no its mine" spiteful instinct is very beautifully ironic and reflective of them both and their early relationship).
And personally I think this is where his fear of his own desires and intimacy is coming from, at the root. I don't think he's afraid of the concept of being in a romance or having feelings (even if they're unusual and rare for him, this is by no means incompatible with him being demi) but I DO think he is afraid of the kind of power it gives people over you. Getting something you want means there's something else that can be taken away. Admitting your desire means the other person has the opportunity to deny that. The more you have, the more you have to lose, and he has lost again and again and again in his life--his parents, his childhood to the crows, his independence, even his future--he doesn't aspire to be first Talon but he knows the rumors. He knows his grandmother wanted it for him, not Illario. His life path has been laid out for him by others and up to this point he has simply been going along with it anyway, even though it bothers him. He COULD argue and fight Caterina and push for Illario who actually wants the job to be First Talon instead, but from The Wigmaker Job we know he doesn't. He just ignores it and pretends maybe it won't happen, without him having to do any of the work. Which is why in the end Illario is the one who has to make a move about it (and even warns Lucanis of this!!!!). Lucanis KNOWS all this makes him a target but is neither taking charge or getting off of the train tracks, just closes his eyes.
And I think THIS context is what makes the almost kiss scene in the pantry make more sense to me. Rather than being afraid of having feelings (and then NEVER addressing this in game with a Rook who pursues him anyway) or not knowing how to finish what he's started via crow seduction training, it's more like this is a pivotal moment where he can actively choose to step off the planned path of be given a job -> kill the gods -> enact revenge -> go home. even if he doesn't at that point realize that a relationship with Rook could be something that lasts long-term, the very act of doing something just for himself is what's foreign and scary and hard. It's that first step off the tracks, and even if he were to keep walking in the same direction, it means he's making a choice about it. he's accepting that one way or another it IS in his power to go along with everyone else's plans or not. Hence the hesitation, and drawing back, and needing to clear his head.
And then the rest of Rook's role in his narrative IS about giving him more and more control for himself. Inner Demons, dealing with Illario, his questlines move less towards revenge and more towards just... not being locked into one fate. Which of course Caterina comes back and immediately tries to overturn by declaring him First Talon after all, even though she and him and everyone else knows she's not ACTUALLY ready to give up her rule/decision making power yet. Which in a way is maddening because cmon I did all this work here so this sad man could have some agency in his own life just to watch him get sucked right back in (which, at least we get many directions to headcanon from here), but there's no denying that THIS version of Lucanis at least is actually going in with his eyes open now. THIS Lucanis has had a taste of life outside the Crows, and seen the politics and power dynamics in other places/organizations, and finally has emotional ties to the big picture state of the world now, both in relationship and friendship paths with Rook. He's not just hyper focused on each contract as it's given to him now, he's looking at the whole thing.
Anyway of course the beautiful culmination of all this within the romance is the lighthouse scene with Rook, where he finally is willing to let himself be vulnerable (emotionally and physically), and fall asleep without fear of what Spite's going to do in the meanwhile. He also (depending on dialogue choice) finally talks about his feelings directly with you for the first time instead of in roundabout ways (the dessert being "not enough" is it really the dessert you mean, Lucanis. is it.). Even though he is STILL reluctant to verbally admit his feelings or let Rook share their own at this point, I think that's more a narrative choice about saving those last emotional dialogue options for the big final battle. but it is another point where he does have to stop just following along and ACTIVELY choose that yes, yes sometimes loving is worth the risk of losing it. Even if someone takes it away from you later, even if you don't survive it, sometimes the love alone makes it worth it.
I have like another 5000 words I could add into about how Spite ties into all this, about how having the demon in him is something he both fears AND how it forces him to acknowledge that actually yes he DOES share the same base feelings/instincts Spite does in terms of not wanting to be told what to do. And how this in a way is part of what gives him permission to act on it since he can no longer just shove it down out of sight. but this post is long enough already so i'm just going to take the rest of this and gnaw on it all day like a chew toy I guess.
anyway. AHG. it is kind of frustrating that the culmination of his arc seems to be "and then he got the job he never wanted anyway" but I do think at least all this prepares him for it in a way Caterina actively failed to actually do on her own. He NEEDED that step away from his straightforward path. Whether he stays first talon or not, and with or without rook as a romantic partner, he's finally been able to explore ideas outside the expectations of others.
#AND THEN of course how the whole control theme applies in terms of sex lmao. that man needs to be gently topped/dommed soooo bad#so much internalized shame and fear and he just wants someone who will see it & love him anyway#very much on theme to resent a thing (control) in everyday spaces but desire the inverse in the bedroom/forbidden spaces as a way to explor#it safely etc etc etc. fear of losing control vs desire to submit plus all the torture stuff mixed up in there oooohhh what a mess#themes of resistance etc etc You Get Me or you think im insane either is fine. anyway#dragon age: veilguard#dragon age: the veilguard#lucanis#lucanis dellamorte#rook x lucanis#rookanis#spite dellamorte#lucanisposting#datv spoilers#da4 spoilers#ramblings#dragon age#need to rip a pillow into shreds or somethign AHG im pacing around too fulll of Lucanis Thoughts this early in the day#this is usually a 3am hobby but im 12 hours early#but i think finally this is some watsonian reasoning that makes me more chill about the doyalist failures i have with the writing for him#this may be incomprehensible i did Not proofread it#jade plays dav#juniper x lucanis
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