#you know who you are Psych LOL
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#Look at them#they come to this place when they know they are not pure. Tenno use the keys#but they are mere trespassers. Only I#Vor#know the true power of the Void.#I'm sure my moot can make it all fit into the poll results proper via glitches but im not gonna bother#you know who you are Psych LOL#mine#op#warframe vor#vor warframe#warframe#corrupted vor#Corrupted Vor's Monologue#vor#captain vor
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indeed my exact process once every 8 months or so
#I just thought today of a new way to format a 'profile' (like the descriptions of self that people use on friend meeting#apps and stuff) and how to organize the sections so that it seems such and such a way and oh what if there's links which click off#into branching paths so it's very acessible and there are two different forms depending on so on and so forth#and i was like 'um.. wow. amazing idea. this will be soooo aweseome and will definitely work' but then .. you know...self reflection#lol.. is this just like the millions of other iterations of a similar thing? No.. This Is Different ... Surely...#Though if I had a millionaire friend and a few people who do the type of coding you use for web design stuff and etc..#I could create the most elaborate detailed and amazing platonic friend seeking (and I guess you could also have 'dating' as an option#since that would draw in more of a crowd) website on the earth.. the new okcupid (back when okcupid didn't suckishly abandon their#whole format in hopes of trying to become just like tinder or whatever and they actually had like tons of info and percentages and#open answer questions and would list personality traits on a profile (like 'this person is more Open To New Expereinces than 65% of#other users' etc.). etc. etc. Oh what a beautiful thing I could craft for the detail freaks of the world.... Alas...#unfortunately we seem to be in an oversimplification era.. everything in short quick bites. everything on a tiny phone screen. etc.#marketing 'Introducing The Most Complicated Data Heavy Social Connection Site In The World' would not sell well I'd imagine gjhgjh#AANYWAY.. also no idea why the representation of me is in a turtle neck. what a bold fashion choice..#In another moment of self reflection.. the fact that in the first tag on this post I felt the need to define the word 'profile' just to be#specific as if people couldn't tell from context.. so clearly someone who finds filling out forms a 'fun afternoon activity' lol#the type of guy who finds psych evaluations and pop quizzes and making chore lists mostly enjoyable (< true)
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gonna be so sad when tonight is the first preshow space with good audio and i'm asleep because i have a psych appointment tomorrow
#life update if anyone gaf we're now at the point where i know i'm getting the adhd diagnosis and yet i STILL HAVE TO WAIT#like she just isnt sure if it's adhd or add (its norway theyre not gonna update the terms any time soon just roll with it)#and im just like. girl i don't give a fuck#its been so many years i cant do this anymore#we've talked to my fucking kindergarten teachers like 😭 they've investigated my entire life atp#to make sure i did in fact have all these issues from birth#because my word and my mum's word just isn't good enough i guess#like lets rely on the selective memories of random ass people ive encountered growing up this is ASININE#anyway my godmother had a 4h consultation the other day and got diagnosed on the spot#so now my mum is mad at her LMFAO#cause my mum's like. that bitch doesn't even have adhd. shes fine.#which i feel like is probably wrong but i agree with the sentiment#where is the deep dive investigation into her wholeass existence 😭#its cause she got to go private but they refuse to refer me to a private specialist so i have to keep going publuc#public#and if i go private on my own its too expensive plus the waitlist is years long#so. whatever. i guess.#man im so tired.#i will never ever ever forgive my psychiatrist from when i was 15 who said i probably had adhd but because i did ok in school its fine#and they wouldnt set the diagnosis#because the fact that i have papers from when i was 15 saying i don't have it is what's making this all so difficult#even though if you read all the papers it says i hit on EVERY SINGLE POINT#which is why the One Psych who listened to me is absolutely fuming losing her mind cause she can't understand why any of this happened#man i hate my fucking life lol
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sometimes the mortifying ordeal of being known is being comically buried under the metaphorical rubble of the struggle, which fell on you with a sound like [stock bowling pin strike.wav] or the pouring out of many many legos onto a loud plastic surface in an echoing room, and when asked, admitting that you are Not Doing Super Hot Actually but will endure & persist through the multitude of humbling embarrassments
#baby... BAYBAY lmfaoooo#and the convo is always normal as hell like hey I'm your doctor how you doing? my brother in alligatorland I cannot lift my arm 🤘🏽😔#and that doc was like oho! I know how to fix that. and it was excruciating & embarrassing! but so is everything! that is life!#you also gotta get comfy with being a loser baby at some point#and like not let it rip your psyche out by the roots#sometimes you will be a broke ass bum with back pain and b.o. who is behind on bills or homework or whatever#and that's not a reflection on your intrinsic value or foundational self but you gotta stop being such a fucking weenie about it to see that#you should also have friends who have seen you in the struggle if for no other reason than to see that they still like you anyway lol
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i love my counselor because she refuses to pry. don’t even know if she knows that’s an option, I have so rarely met a person who stays so thoroughly in her lane.
#the thing about me is that I’m an open book with an expressive face. and also I keep a lot inside and refuse to speak on things#especially things that are bothering me#and that can be irresistible to some people who just want to dig into my soul#and it’s why I was afraid of counseling for so long. that someone would be like ‘what can we unearth in Maria’s psyche’#and she just doesn’t care/doesn’t try/is only going to take me at face value#so there is lots I don’t tell her/refuse to speak on. and you know what doesn’t it MATTER. because the point is not to push myself#to some arbitrary measure of absurd honesty/openness but to talk about stuff when/if it’s helpful#also a huge way she’s already helped me is she’s just like ‘girl you’re fine’#no but actually though. she’s always like ‘you sound like you’re thriving to me!’#and she’s also just like ‘you’re busy you have energy you have plans you make good eye contact you clearly have confidence’#with the underlying message being. the thing that’s hurting you the most is your own anxiety. which sounds obvious lol#but it is kind of the sheer act of worrying itself. the other stuff is (mostly) in order#and that has helped. she also has cured me of some wrong self/belief stuff.#like I was once like ‘I’m not organized! I make no plans!’ and she was like ‘your plans have plans what are you talking about’#she also said I was highly logical and analytical and didn’t act emotionally/from a place of emotion#and I was just like ‘pikachu face’ because one of my deepest beliefs was that I WAS an emotionally driven person#and she was like nope. you’re highly rational. I mean I took it as a compliment and loved to hear it#the problem with me is when the brain will simply spiral out of control and the details become monsters and I make things a big deal#I’m super good at that#anyway yeah just processing
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Juliet and Ewan would never team up for a mission because Juliet frankly doesn't want to be involved in Ewan's work and it definitely doesn't fit in her sense of Right and Wrong and outside of definitely not having the right clearance, Ewan probably also doesn't want to drag her into it
BUT
if they did I would love to see them go undercover and Juliet pull her typical move of getting waaaaaaaaaayyy too into character
#juliet o'hara#ewan o'hara#psych#more jules and ewan fics please!!!!#also the insanity of this family#you have a conman father who's done so many crimes#and then your children become a cop and a secret agent who has Definitely Killed People before and might possibly be an assassin#also the fact that Ewan showed up to congratulate them on their wedding despite being on the run from law enforcement lol#I need to know. Did he join them on the honeymoon. did the honeymoon become a family spy affair (gus and selene included)#c: juliet o'hara
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Anne's ability to hold the king off for seven years is part of her legend. The brilliance of her strategy was to cast herself in the role of the courtly lady, requiring Henry to play to perfect knight. Henry was nothing if not dogged in the pursuit of all the roles in which he cast himself—philosopher-king, warrior, even husband—and 'this persona of courtly lover...was fully formed in Henry and had been signaling...for an answering adept to come and lift its latch. In Anne, he had her: she was the mistress of Petrarchan contraries [...] the perfect [player] for the king's tender interest.'
Renaissance Prince: Elizabeth, Lisa Hilton
#henry viii#lisa hilton#'even husband'- that's all folks closing theme.mp3#so we see the relevant argument a lot that the seymours 'successfuly' replicated this which is kind of...yes and. no?#tl; dr it is really difficult to conceive jane managing to balance this tightrope for seven years (not to mention. three years thereafter#in a series of increasingly challenging circumstances)#(before edward vi is born i don't think their rise is comparable to the boleyns in the 1530s or the howards in the 1540s insofar as#the promotion of the queen-in-waiting's/queen's family members)#(it can be argued the seymours did maintain for longer bcus there was a plateau. in favour and rise. iyw. after edward vi's birth. or more#specifically: jane's death.)#is it possible? ig we don't really 'know' definitively#but considering anne was a successful intercessory agent even in her role as mistress#and jane was not even as queen. i...highly. doubt#there is of course the mystery of behind closed doors to be considered#(DID either of these women fully 'hold him off'? did they necessarily...want to?#but no pregnancies out of wedlock- well. elizabeth. ig. depending on who you ask- broadly speaking then#would suggest both did. and it's more likely in anne's case despite rumors for both bcus#seven years is a much longer period of time)#tl; dr the original quote is 'her blowing hot and cold was the perfect environment' WHICH#perhaps fits better for that argument- (they were the perfect players for those moments in time~ in henry's psyche as it were...#that by 1536 henry's tolerance for being 'challenged' by his lover had. worn pretty thin#however since we don't have anne's letters. i don't like summaries like that lol#we have no way of judging ourselves whether she was 'blowing hot or cold' or if henry was - maybe even willfully- misinterpreting her#whether they really were 'mixed messages' or henry was mixing them himself bcus they weren't what he wanted to hear#'my great folly' and all that. sooo.......
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LIKE. lets reframe the question. yes you can kill me for being too aro to live if you wish but fucking LISTEN FIRST. if you are not currently in a relationship. maybe your life is good maybe your life is not so good. maybe you want one but cant get one do to circumstances. maybe you only kinda of think about wanting one but your like. eh. i can do without for now. you know. but. OH MY GOD! the REST of my LIFE. NOOOO ROMANCE?
and yes. no to be clear, if its a thing you want. you would be missing out on that experience. THAT ONE. POSSIBLE EXPERIENCE. okay. now is there also a fruit youve never eaten? a hobby youve never tried? does that youve never eaten a fucking. i dunno. pawpaw. mean a strawberry is less delicious? does never going ice skating mean you never experience the joy of rock climbing?
when someone phrases a question like. ITS THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!!! RAHHH!!! You suddenly get the urge to. what? count you joys objectively? qualitate and calculate every aspect every missed chance and moment?? the question was not. would you be MORE happy. it wasnt, would you linger on the possiblity of a missed intimacy and closeness. a form of sharing a life for a while or for an age that you might enrich all parties. it was. do you think you would be happy.
do you think YOUD NEVER EXPERIENCE HAPPINESS. do you think your feelings would be constricted through a tube of NO ROMANCE. do you think one loss, one ache, one feeling of regret, MEANS YOU NEVER FEEL ANYTHING ELSE? You would never see a sunset? youd never eat a delicious and emotionally significant meal? Youd never cry with someone out of joy or grief or anything else an feel comfort? GET A GRIP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
#some shit#the undersaid part of this is. dont know how long it is. sorry. lol. but true!#anyway yes yes you can now try to attack and kill me for being a bitter aro. EXCEPT PSYCHE BITCH!!!!!!!#IM FILLED WITH EMOTIONS AND I CHOOSE TO BE THIS WAY#(if u even THINK about using that statement to bittle loveless. replused or otherwise less 'gettable' aros i will PULVERIZE YOU INTO DUST)#aro cause i like reading comic books more than feel like overly involing myself in understanding the weird swing of my heart lol#well that and. dating sounds like it sucks dooky. why would i do that. read the ninja turtles with me lol#<- ppl who engage with non typical romance ARE COOL AND GOOD.#and we can coexist. its not a fucking either or stitch u dig?
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there may be something out there that could fix me and I’m throwing my life away not looking for it
#literally what if meds worked for me. I don’t have the energy to thoroughly research it bc I know how much of it is guesswork on the part#of the prescribing psych. like why would I open myself up to that kind of risk! idk how anyone does it#well I do actually. you have to be on the verge of killing yourself lol. been there. got the pills and did nothing with them but stare#anyway who cares#im just moody bc I remembered My Dad
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My friends, idk how, but im gonna figure out a way to share my final presentation with you guys for a class after I finish it. Because I'll be damned if I'm gonna be this passionate about this thing, do all the research, make a ppt AND cardboard tri-fold, and present this at a "Research Symposium" for 2 hours to whoever stops at my booth during finals week to not share with the people I like most 😤
Basically for the project we have to take a person or event and give background on them before analyzing them through a Social Psychology lense (bc the class is social psychology lol). AND GODS DO I LOVE SHIT LIKE THISSSSS. I will not be sharing what event I chose for two reason: 1) I want ya'll to read and learn about it through my post when I post it �� and 2) It's a REALLY obscure event from what I've gathered (like I barely have 5 sources for references and one's ONLY in german) and I doubt many would know what I was talking about.
#Ive literally been working on it all night basically (and have little to show but aesthetics)#BUT! I did get all my photos i currently have and their captions put in too!!#I just need to fill in the slides with their info#im literally chopping at the bit to show you guys bc im so fucking into this project#i love being a psych major 🥰🥰🥰#I have been this excited about something in AWHILEEEEERE#I can wait to look through social psych theories and ideas and figure out which im gonna hold up for anlaysis#we are just at the stage of turning in the first part which is just the who. what. when. where. why.#the how (which will be the theories) will be next part to turn in#but god am i invested and ferally upset about this story#ok i need to go to bed now so that i can finish this project tomorrow so i can turn it in :)#ill rb this a few times to gauge interest but besties im 100% posting it no matter how the poll turns out#im just too pumped and i want to SHARE with people who know and like me (i mean i think yall like me lol)#social psychology#college final project
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i would love it if people stopped saying therapy and medication doesnt work after one bad experience
#i get that its disheartening but some people suffer and suffer and suffer because#''therapy doesnt work'' ''psychiatrists are evil'' ''theyll send you to the psych ward''#like medical abuse is real and psychiatrists tend to be shittier lol#but im sick of the weird hate campaign because these things are not inherently a reality#tbh and regular doctors too!!!!!!!#they can suck and they can hurt you but you can get a new one and you should drop one if you don't trust them#telling everyone that medical care is the devil is seriously so harmful#esp with psych care because then its a cop-out for people who abuse others due to lack of therapy#maybe its just my experience of having no choice but to be treated but its really not that bad at all if you know your rights#dont get me started on ''i dont want to have to take a medication to be normal'' folks like just call me a freak while youre at it
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i saw someone with a jeff dunham shirt at work the other day and it threw me into a fucking frenzy i hate that goddamn dead terrorist and his annoying fucking voice :/
#one of my first misophonia triggers <3 god bless#if i have to hear (even in my head) ‘silence i kill you’ ever again im going to. uh. be very upset. again#it was literally spelled ‘keel’ on the shirt too like i very rarely use the word cringe for other people who are just living life but goddam#that made me so fucking mad LMAO#not that it’s the lady’s fault for wearing a shirt and i would never say this to her face LOL but like. wow#being in public is great because you’ll never know what you will see!#some days it’s jeff dunham shirt. sometimes it’s christian/straight/white/male/meat eater/what else can i do to piss you off#and some days it’s The Gym Is My Psych Ward#what a collection#punktalk
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why are they laughing at him as he gets straight up killed??? he doesn't deserve this! he's a sweet kid at heart! he literally just needs one (1) real friend!!
#jack facts#willow and xander and tara all got that exact type of chance and you could argue the same is true for cordelia and anya!#and why don't we just not even start in on angel#like jonathan went from attempted suicide to so grateful for one moment of attention he created a whole award to give about it#to IN ONE YEAR becoming so powerful a witch he seamlessly altered the perception of the entire population of the world#without any adverse effects to himself and only the one (1) flaw that is inherent to the spell he used#to all but instantly giving up that power when he realized it posed danger (that he understood) to people#to feeling genuine remorse for doing that even tho he needed it explained to him why they were so upset#and making every apparent effort to learn that with humility and offer whatever wisdom he could in return#to... this.#like why tf didn't anybody say hey man are you doing alright after being suicidal?#hey man the spell you did was wrong but that doesn't mean you can't do magic anymore why don't we meet up sometimes and study together#or better yet he could have mcfuckin joined the coven god damn#like they went from witch being a relatively gender neutral combo of innate talent and learned skill in early seasons#to now we're supposed to forget the boy willow and amy did spells with in hs + the fact that giles himself was in an all male coven#and even believe that only Special Girls like willow and tara can do any significant amount of real magic at all#why on earth is willow the biggest witch of ever and started out floating pencils and then having a whole plotline#about learning to use her power ethically and control herself and practice temperance and etc#AND anya gets to be a good guy even though she has to be taught about ethics and consent and compassion and all that too#but jonathan's thing is being soul crushingly lonely and having no self esteem but being incredibly sweet once given the time of day#and is instead relegated to two bit loser villain?#why because he's the Actually Uncool type of unpopular instead of the Too Smart And Nice To Be Popular type of unpopular?#makes me sick he literally just needs a friend. just one genuine friend who cares about him personally. that's all.#and it's not like they're doing a ''this is what happens to vulnerable kids when no one cares about them!'' thing which would be different#no they're just like lol he's unpopular like our protags but he's also short with a nasally voice! which means he's bad!#once again i swearrrrr i'm not doing armchair psych on a creator based on the content of their work#please i swearrrrrrrrrrrr i'm not doing that i prommy i know it doesn't work that wayyy i knowwwww#don't worry about ittt i'm so totally definitely not doing that at allllll#anyway
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seems like my heart does nothing but break lately
#oh my god dont read the tags. it breaks for everyone :( but on a more personal level#for my gf whos sinking deeper into something n i cant even help bc im a wreck myself but i am so so scared to lose her#still havent even been able to book a psych appointment n i rlly dont know where to go with all these ..em*tions#Guys i rlly dont understand one thing. how come one random freak whos in ur life at some point can derail a whole person like eons later#jeopardise their whole future just by crossing some lines for funz i really dont understand this#not fair not fair at all this is evil#and becasue u got unlucky someone wanted to be disgusting u have to carry the consequences#i rly still cant even say it i still cant even write it#i dont even know how . irl the only perosn i told in some capacity#is dealing with her own trauma and i hate that jsut being understanding is not enoughlike#Wow Lmao Its just Funny How it Shapes You. & U Can Never bury it forever becuz it will always catch up to you😂😂😂😂😂😂#AND THE PAST CAN NEVER BE ERASED 😃😃😁😁😂😂😂🔫🔫🔫🔫🔫🔪🔪#at least my gf has been taking steps to deal with it for.3 yrs and i just never even#LOL i feel like such a coward but the sh*me and the g**lt associated with the Thing..r so overwhelming i cant even admit it#what would i even do at the psych appointment like straight up what am i gonna say Lol#hai iam here to process something i dont actually remember probably becasue i was a child but imnot sure. n id rather#kms than tell u how i know 😂. So thats also why my heart breaks. for that little girl who was a ball of shame i guess and no matter#how much i cognitively.like rationally know its not my fault the ball of shame n guilt is still there#n it swallows me every time i vaguely start 2 think about acknowledging the Th*ng#or whatever. And thats just my end of the deal but my gf has it worse genuinely bc she remembers everything n still has to see the freak#n it went on for yrs n her family doesnt know n heres the worst thing hes a beloved family member a sweet boy with struggles of his own#well i hope he walks into traffic for doing what he did to her
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guy who is too embarassed to make out like a normal person
#art#traditional art#watercolour#fanart#virvox project#kurono takehiro#aoyama ryuusei#you know im really bad with ship names. i dont really remember or get them. i usuaully just do blank x blank LOL#but thats a lot to type so i understand why other people dont do that. ive seen some japanese users call this ship like.#ao kuro i think? blueblack.....a very popular colour choice for fountain pen inks LOL#thats cute. but im doing this instead sorry im like this:#kurono takehiro x aoyama ryuusei#thank u and goodnight GHJFHKSDJfkdsa#i do like the characterization of takehiro being too embarassed to live. dude has an entire voicevox emotion about how embarassed he gets#its awesome. dude who you can NOT get frisky with without him psyching himself out
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unfortunate that i have such a strong rsd* response to terse replies even when objectively their semantic content is positive and contextually there's evidence to suggest the person generally likes me/enjoys talking to me 😔
⸻ * note that as ever, what i really mean by this is 'repeated social disapproval' culminating in a learned trauma response, which you could probably file under c-ptsd if you liked that language—i don't really buy that it's an ~innate characteristic of adhd~ the way i understand the tiktok+ crowd tends to argue, since i'm pretty sure i didn't experience it as a preschooler
#like if you send back 'lol' & nothing else i WILL be like 'oh ok i'm an embarrassingly unamusing dancing bear who should go hide in a hole'#(which is hard 2 do as a bear!)#because it feels like SUCH a lead balloon of a response even though in theory it's actually a thumbs-up#similarly i AM that person who like. will probably interpret a full stop in chat as disapproving#in the absence of other indicators to the contrary#& like. i know ppl have different idiolects & also sometimes terseness is about distraction and not dislike! however. what if i just 😶🌫️#anyway. a general thought not prompted by any immediate interactions.#the psyche#communication
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