#and she just doesn’t care/doesn’t try/is only going to take me at face value

[itspileofgoodthings]

i love my counselor because she refuses to pry. don’t even know if she knows that’s an option, I have so rarely met a person who stays so thoroughly in her lane.

[kanencrow]

The Father who Stepped up - Shauna Shipman | One Shot

Summary: When Shauna gives birth to her baby boy, she finds herself designating you as 'the father who stepped up' after she experiences first-hand how nurturing you are to something so innocent and defenseless. It helps her simultaneously come to terms with the fact that she's a mother, and it also allows her to realize that she's actually kind of into you, too.

Warnings: Swearing, Suggestive Themes, Descriptions of Cannibalism, Talks of Jackie’s Death.

A/N: All characters are 18+ by default, and the reader is gender neutral (no pronouns were used). I'm tempted to do a part two that consists of more domestic stuff amongst you and Shauna because I don't think I added as much I could've in this one shot, but I'm not sure if anyone would want that, so let me know in my inbox!

Word Count: 10000+

It’s like clockwork for Shauna.

She wakes up every single night, at a time where the sun is completely gone, and the room she’s been cooped up in after giving birth is pitch black. Even the illumination of the moon doesn’t peek through the window, and so it only makes it more difficult for her to function when the almost habitual crying of her son sounds off the moment she preemptively wakes up. It’s gotten to a point where her body naturally rouses a few minutes before the baby starts to fuss – like it just knows that her time for sleep is going to get interrupted. It only makes her all the more frustrated and sad, because she values her rest, and she feels that no one wants to take the time to help her care for him.

Shauna’s sleep deprived and grumpy, even as she gathers her aching body and slowly gets up from the bed she’s practically been rotting on for the past few days. Bearing a child with a body that was weak from malnutrition and lack of water was far worse than any traumatic thing she had gone through in the past. So she can’t help the way she groans and whines while she walks over to the makeshift crib you and Van had put together using sticks, leaves, and rocks. It was a nice gift from the two of you, since it gave her a place to put the baby, just so there wasn’t that worry of rolling on top of him while she slept in bed. 

And sure, it made her have to get up more than she wanted, but the thought of losing her son because she wasn’t careful was something that didn’t sit right in her chest. She’d been meaning to thank you and Van for the thoughtfulness, but both of you had been so busy with chores around the cabin – and she could barely walk as is – so it just made the entire task all the more difficult. But with the way neither one of you looked expectant in receiving that form of appreciation, there was a part of her that didn’t find herself rushing in trying to convey how she felt towards the gesture. 

Using it was thanks in itself, right?

She expected the baby to start crying the moment she made it to said crib, but all she got as she rested her hands at the edge of the makeshift bed was complete and utter radio silence. She couldn’t ignore the way her heart jumps to her throat, a rush of anxiety coursing through her like a lightning bolt as the thought of him being dead enters her mind, and when she reaches down into the cradle – only to feel nothing but the blanket she laid out for him – it only forces her worry to skyrocket. Maybe she’s dreaming again, having some sort of nightmare about her boy dying, but she can feel the blanket – the soft fleece against her fingertips, so she knows she’s not asleep.

So, of course, that makes Shauna wonder. Where the fuck is her baby? 

There’s that flash of an image that courses through her mind – a reminder of one of the night terrors she had in regards to her baby boy just a couple days ago. How she heard his screams and his cries, only to find him being used as everyone’s form of satiation. She remembers their blood smeared faces and red teeth as they chewed and chewed and chewed–

“Shauna?” 

It’s like a bullet shoots through her back the moment she hears the softness of your voice fill the otherwise silent air of the cabin. It’s muffled at first, like she’s stuck in a bubble, but then her brain fully snaps out of the weird stupor she found herself in – the one full of fear and anxiety and distrust – and that’s when she suddenly recognizes the incoherent coo of her baby. You took him, she thinks to herself, and there’s a subtle emotion of anger and discontent towards that fact, but she also knows you – even if you haven’t talked to her nearly as much as the others have. Though even then, she knows that you wouldn’t do any of what her mind previously conjured up through dreams and intrusive thoughts. 

That’s all it is. Her mind. Playing tricks on her.

Because you’re kind, you’re careful – gentle – and, even if she didn’t think so when she first woke up, you’re sure as hell one of the only people who’s put in a valiant effort in trying to help her. Both throughout her pregnancy, and even now. Unlike Lottie, who acted like the biological father and insisted that her own child was some sort of incoming prophet, that he was going to change everything. But then you just stuck around, acting as some sort of safety net for her when she needed someone or something to fall back on. Because after losing Jackie, everything felt broken, like a train had gone off the rails and there was no way of pushing it back on track. 

But then you wiggled your way in, through soft words and empathetic or sympathetic glances, and she found herself letting you step through the tiny door of her heart. Because even though the thought of anyone seeing her as weak or incapable of taking care of herself made her want to recoil and die, she couldn’t deny that she needed it, and she couldn’t deny that she wanted you of all people to help her. And maybe that didn’t entirely sit well in her stomach for a good while – or even now, for that matter. That feeling of distrust towards everyone weighed her down, but you were insistent – in a good way, and so she found herself slowly getting over her own fear for the sake of eventually letting you in.

So she should have known you had taken him.

She forgot. 

She could only blame that on her fatigue. 

By the time Shauna turned around to look at you, the baby emitted a quiet coo, as his tiny hands reached up and grabbed at your fingers that you blindly wiggled down at him with your free limb. You were cradling him with your left arm, his head propped up by your bicep as he kicked his feet in the form of a stretch, but you were far more focused on the brunette before you, who looked completely distracted. It was hard to see her, but with the moon having peeked out from behind the trees it was once hiding behind, there was a slight glow on her face, which allowed you to take in the way she stood frozen in her stance and just… stared at you and her kid. 

The little baby in your arms was none the wiser, clearly in his element and content with using your fingers as his own personal form of entertainment. It helped you focus entirely on Shauna, though, when you tilted your head to the side slightly and spoke up, letting your voice break through the long-standing silence that almost suffocated the air. “You okay?” It was a simple question, but it held meaning, an intention, with the way your tone portrayed a genuineness to it. You were curious – maybe concerned, she wasn’t sure, but when you stepped forward slightly, trying to act as a form of comfort, it helped her confirm the fact that you weren’t putting on a facade, just to make her feel like she mattered. 

You actually do think she matters. 

She realized that, even with how slow her mind was being. 

“I was looking for him,” Shauna managed to utter. The response was sudden, and it almost made you flinch with how she didn’t really try to whisper amongst the two of you. But you weren’t offended, or mad for that matter. Just surprised, if not a little endeared by her lack of thoughtfulness. Because you know she’s tired, and you know that if she was wide awake, she probably would have actually put in an effort in keeping her voice down for the sake of not waking anyone up, or rousing the boy in your arms into a state of panic. But luckily, he’s clueless, stuck in his own little world that consisted of him holding your fingers like they were joysticks to an atari. 

“He’s right here,” you quietly assured, after a moment, as you settled your palm against his tiny belly and allowed him to lift your fingers up and down. He was so small, only about a week old, but for such a young little guy, he had been pretty responsive. “I noticed that you haven’t been getting any sleep ever since he came into the world,” you added on, shrugging your shoulders subtly, while Shauna shifted her eyes away from your own to stare down at the baby boy, who struggled to stay awake, as you bounced him slightly in your arms. His eyelids fluttered, and his stubby legs stretched out to hang off either side of your forearm, while you let out the softest huff you could muster, and continued. “I couldn’t sleep tonight, so I wanted to help.” 

Shauna hears your words, and she quickly takes them to heart, which causes her brow to furrow in thought, before she lifts her brown eyes away from her son to look up at you instead. “You didn’t have to do that,” she told you, as though she were almost scolding you. But you could only shrug her off with a shake of your head, knowing that she was just saying that to make herself seem stronger. Which – she was strong – but she also didn’t have to be. 

Not for this, at least. 

“I wanted to,” you quietly mumbled, as you stepped closer to her and sent her a small smile through the darkness of the room. You weren’t even sure if she could see the expression on your face, but you didn’t seem to find it in you to care, when you maneuvered past her and lowered the already sleeping child back into the crib. It forced Shauna to turn her body and watch you, and as you cradled his head and guided it to rest on the little bump underneath the blanket you were laying him onto, it caused her stomach to unintentionally flutter.

She wasn’t surprised that you were so delicate with the boy. Still, it managed to push her into a state of awe, as you slipped your hands out from underneath his body and stood back up to your full height. Through the darkness, she could see the way you stared down at him, admiring the way he peacefully spread out across the blanket, like a little starfish. And his fingers curling into fists were enough to convey to you that he had fully fallen asleep. It meant that your work in helping Shauna rest was done, and as you nodded to yourself and stepped back from the crib to silently make your leave, the brunette ended up reaching out and grabbing a hold of your wrist. 

It was surprising to her that you were thinking of leaving without saying anything, but after spending so many months with you in the wilderness, she guessed that she couldn’t be shocked. You’ve always been quiet, always kept to yourself and spoke to others only when they would speak to you. But that was a while back. Now you seemed a little more outgoing, but there was still a subtle shyness to you. Especially with the way you tensed slightly at her touch, and slowly turned around to look at her, as though you thought you were in trouble. However, you weren’t, and you seemed to recognize that when her fingers tightened slightly to squeeze your joint.

“Thank you,” Shauna stated, “really.”

You replied back with a simple nod and a sheepish smile. And that was when she let go of your wrist and allowed you to take a few steps towards the door and exit the room. And even then, you were as quiet as a mouse and mindful of the resting boy in the crib, and she couldn’t help but feel a certain type of way about you in turn.

It was a good feeling, though.

—————————————————————————

It was the crackling of the fireplace that acted as a form of ambiance to your mind, as you reclined along the window-side seat and stared out through the pane of glass. Your legs remained stretched out in front of you, socked feet moving mindlessly back and forth, while the incoherent murmurs of your teammates sounded off throughout the rest of the cabin, accompanying the resonation of wood crackling under intense heat. Snow fell from outside, coating the ground in even more of the white powder that had been nothing but unforgiving for the past two months, and you couldn’t help but wish for spring to come soon because of it.

There was a feeling that settled inside of your chest – intuition – that told you it was going to eventually melt away. Considering how often the sun had come out as of recent, it made sense. But for now, it was still cold, and you were more than happy to stay inside and admire the outer world from the comfort of the building you’ve been living in. Especially after spending the majority of the day doing chores, chopping wood that you took from the meat shed or shoveling the porch with the intention of keeping you and everyone else from being snowed in. Again. 

Your cheeks felt frozen by the time you stepped back inside of the cabin, but at least the fireplace was roaring with life, and at least Misty was there to give you a hot cup of water. She always made sure to do her part, and whether it was by helping or speaking up to give some sort of logical statement towards a certain idea or discussion, you appreciated her… quirks and all. And, sure, you would have definitely preferred hot chocolate or tea when she did gift you the treat, but beggars couldn’t be choosers, and so you found yourself feeling thankful either way. 

“My god, can you just stop squirming, please?” 

Mari’s voice managed to break out amongst the rest of the softer sounds that echoed throughout the cabin, and just from the frustration in her voice, you could tell that she was the one who had been tasked with taking care of the baby. Even after months of him being alive, Shauna still hadn’t named him, and a part of you was convinced she never would, with how her features always shifted into an expression of melancholy and deep, intense thought whenever she scrutinized the face of her child. You could understand that she was still trying to come to terms with the fact that she was a mom, and although you kept a respectful distance – not wanting to push anything or cross a boundary, you did want to help.

You had, in ways that consisted of making sure he didn’t keep her up at night with his crying. You were more than willing to deprive yourself of sleep for the sake of Shauna having her beauty rest, and it wasn’t like the little dude disliked you or anything. He always seemed happy to be in your arms when you paid him a late night visit and moved out of the brunette’s room to go and sit by the window bench. That spot always gave you front row seats to the moon and the way it shined through to act as his personal nightlight, and you cherished the moment, all while you slowly rocked him back to sleep with his head against your chest. But that was really the extent of your aid, other than feeding him or keeping an eye on him when no one else could. 

But you did find yourself curious as to what Mari was doing. Especially with the way she huffed and puffed about the baby boy and his desire to wiggle like that of a worm. The thought of him giving her a hard time made you sneakily smirk to yourself as you swung your legs off the bench, and the moment you turned your body to look towards the kitchen, you stood up to your full height, all while your eyes caught sight of the girl trying to put a – poorly made – knitted hat on his head. You weren’t sure who made it, but it certainly didn’t look like something someone would wear. And if they did… they sure as hell wouldn’t be able to make it look good. 

Even if it was on someone as cute as Shauna’s son.

He was sitting on the table, and with the way he let out a little whine and grumpily swung his arms up and down, you could tell that he didn't want the hat on his head. But Mari was incessant, muttering something about how it’ll keep him warm, and you could only roll your eyes, as you walked towards the kitchen and scrutinized the scene with an intention of saving the little boy from the girl’s control. Which seemed to go as well as it could, when she eventually lifted her focus away from him and looked at you instead, noticing your presence the moment the floor creaked beneath your feet. It didn’t take her long to let out a huff, before she picked up the baby by his waist and held him out to you as though he was some sort of toy. 

“Here, take him,” Mari grumbled, “I can’t deal with it anymore.” Her patience was practically nonexistent, which wasn’t something you were ignorant to. You remembered the time where she almost strangled Travis because he wouldn’t stop complaining the first week you and everyone else crash-landed in the middle of the forest, so it wasn’t surprising that she was experiencing it in the current moment. Granted, you couldn’t necessarily blame her, but maybe she wasn’t the best person to rely on when it came to babysitting Shauna’s kid. 

So, you were swift in reaching up and pulling the boy into the comfort of your arms, before you settled him onto your hip, and when he immediately rested his head onto your shoulder and tightened his fingers to ball up the fabric of your Wiskayok Yellowjackets hoodie, you felt your heart swell in your chest, discreetly relishing in the way he seemed so comfortable with you. Mari even seemed to don an expression of surprise herself – with a mixture of jealousy – too, when her eyes glanced down to look at the boy, who made a point to direct his attention somewhere else, as though he was holding a grudge against the girl in front of you. 

Like mother, like son, you think.

It was kind of an amusing sight, and you found yourself huffing lightheartedly, as you cradled his butt with your limbs and spoke up. “I don’t think that hat fits him, by the way.” You gave her a teasing look, only to glance down at the child in your hold for the sake of making sure he was okay. And he was, with the way his eyes were now closed, all while he breathed contently against your collarbone and continued to grip the fabric of your hoodie like a lifeline. 

“He was just being difficult,” Mari mumbled, seemingly ignoring your statement and deeming it as incorrect, while she folded her arms over her chest and moved her eyes down to look at the boy, too. “It would’ve fit if he just stopped moving.” 

You found yourself humming at her words, but the sound was entirely mindless, “Whatever you say.” It wasn’t long before you turned your head away from her and took a moment to glance around the vicinity of the cramped cabin. There was an intent in the action, and when you didn’t find who you were subconsciously looking for, you allowed your eyes to fall back onto Mari, while you sent her a look of wonder. “Do you know where Shauna is?”

“Why?” Mari uttered, a certain glint of… something you couldn’t entirely decrypt suddenly forming in her brown eyes, but when the corner of her lip curled up into a smirk, it gave you the slightest inkling that she was finding your question comical. “Miss her?” And you came out to be correct, which made you immediately scoff at her question, and it only caused that small smile to break out into a grin on her cheeks, “What? Don’t act like you haven’t been trying to worm your way into her heart,” she said, “you’re almost worse than Lottie. With her whole ‘our baby’ thing.”

“Yeah, well, I’m just trying to help her out,” you stated, as you bashfully lowered your eyes, pretending to be occupied with the baby in your arms, who continued to rest comfortably within them. “It’s not easy being a single mom, and I don’t think Lottie’s whole ‘your baby is the key to make the wilderness happy’ bit is really helpful, either,” you added on, as heat rose to your cheeks at the distant thought of being perceived as some sort of lap dog for Shauna. And, granted, your valiant effort to defend her definitely didn’t help your case, but you couldn’t help it, considering the fact that Lottie had been a little… off ever since the baby boy was born. 

You weren’t unaware of the way she would just stare at you whenever you carried Shauna’s son. It was hard to understand if she was jealous of the sight, or if she had something on her mind and simply didn’t know how to address it. But maybe you were also overthinking it, and honestly, you couldn’t – and didn’t necessarily want to – bring yourself to think about it in the current moment, which caused you to quietly clear your throat, before you stepped back and gently hoisted the boy in your arms up to rest more comfortably on your hip. “Where’s Shauna?” you questioned again.

“I don’t know.” Mari shrugged, “Not here, clearly.”

Always the smartass, you thought to yourself, before you rolled your eyes and let out a heavy breath. It wasn’t long before you turned around and walked away from Mari, successfully deeming her as the most unhelpful person in the group, and you ultimately decided to search for Shauna on your own. The only place you could think she would be was the single bedroom within the cabin, and so you found yourself padding in that direction unconsciously, which caused the boy in your arms to tighten his grip on your hoodie, due to your movement. You weren’t even sure if she was going to be in there, but it was the only idea you had when it came to where she might have been, and so you went with the idea, secretly hoping you’d come out to be right. 

The murmurs of the rest of the group ended up disappearing by the time you eventually turned the corner and made it to the door, and when you noticed it slightly ajar, you didn't think anything of it, as you pressed on and pushed it open. It creaked, signifying its age, and you winced, as you glanced down at the baby in your arms, hoping that the high-pitch resonation didn’t stir him from his slumber. You were thankful, though, when all you received in return was a tiny grunt from him that portrayed his unconscious state, and it quelled the worry of possibly waking him up. His features were still relaxed, stuck deep in dreamland while he slightly drooled on your hoodie, and with a small smile at the sight, you lifted your head up to look forward.

You immediately froze in your place when your eyes fell onto Shauna.

The last thing you expected to see was her back, which was covered in nothing but the strap of her charcoal-colored bra and showing off her pallid skin-tone that was complimented by the few freckles that adorned it. They scattered across the expanse of her flesh like stars in the sky, and your pupils naturally flickered back and forth to admire each one. It felt like you had been punched in the gut, with the way your breath silently hitched in your throat, and a weight of something you couldn’t describe settled within your stomach. It wasn’t a negative feeling by any means, but you couldn’t deny the way you felt like some sort of pervert for having waltzed in without so much as knocking. 

You found yourself regretting your actions, though there was no way for you to rewind time or pretend like you had never stepped into the room to begin with. Especially when Shauna seemingly sensed your presence, as though she had some sort of sixth sense, and slowly turned her head to glance over her shoulder, peering at you with a form of curiosity in her brown eyes. You stood there, all the while, probably looking like an idiot, with the way you stared at her with a wide gaze and held her child in your arms stiffly. But you couldn’t find it in you to consciously assess how odd you might have come across. All you could do was stutter out some sort of apology, as you parted your lips and felt your stomach leap to your throat. “I-I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to just – uh…” 

Your voice trailed, and there was a certain air to Shauna’s demeanor that kept you from continuing, when you saw the ghost of an endeared smile fall onto her lips, before she turned back around and reached down to grab an old black band t-shirt that was tattered and had clearly seen better days. You remained idle in your spot, standing in front of the door as though you were a deer stuck in a pair of headlights, and as you dumbly watched the brunette pull the top over her head and allow it to fall down to cover her torso, there was a subtle feeling of disappointment that filled your chest. 

But you attempted to ignore it, while you swallowed and waited for her to reply. 

“Knocking exists, you know,” she uttered quietly, as she slowly turned around to completely face you, and lowered herself to sit down on the bed she had originally grabbed her shirt from. There was a subtle tone of lightheartedness in her voice, but you still felt embarrassment fill your body, as she gave you a tired, teasing look with her brown eyes and tilted her head to the side slightly. She clearly wasn’t offended by your intrusion, much to your own surprise, and that was when you found the ability to move your legs again, when you took a short step forward and bowed your head apologetically. 

“Sorry,” you mumbled, “I should’ve…” 

Shauna shook her head and shrugged, “It’s fine.” 

You decided to keep your lips tightly wound after her response, pressing them together tightly, and you treaded carefully as you sluggishly walked further into the room. Your legs kicked out slightly as you moved, and your eyes flickered around to take in the vicinity that you had found yourself in far more than you probably should have. Ever the conversationalists, neither one of you knew what to say next. Should you have said, ‘hey, here’s your baby,’ as though you were some pizza delivery person? That probably wouldn’t have been a good idea, considering he wasn’t food. But you didn’t know what else to do, except sit down beside her and silently hand her the child…

But even then, that didn’t feel right.

“Is he sleeping?” 

Shauna’s question broke through your muddled thoughts, and you found yourself immediately letting out a quiet breath of relief in turn, which was something you hoped she didn’t hear. When your eyes moved away from a random wall inside the room to meet her brown ones again, it didn’t seem like she picked up on the sound you made, when she simply stared at you with a certain type of earnestness that left you feeling warm inside. Her unwavering gaze after she inquired was enough to create a ball inside of your throat, and you found yourself trying to force it down with a swallow, as you slowly looked back down at the boy in your arms and nodded. 

“Yeah,” you affirmed, “he is.” Your verbal confirmation was the last thing you said, before you eventually made it close to her bed and sat down beside her. The mattress barely dipped with how firm and old it was, but you could still see the way she faintly jostled from the added weight, out of the corner of your eye. You found yourself focusing entirely on her son, though, when you gently maneuvered him in your arms and cradled him like he was a week old again. He was still light, easy to hold without feeling as though your limbs were about to fall off, but his hair had grown in, and it was blond. 

A dirty blond. 

His eyes were brown, though, and his nose looked like it was going to develop into a shape like Shauna’s, the older he got. That cute, slightly imperfect bridge that you always admired whenever you caught sight of the brunette’s side profile. His round face and little lips looked just like hers as well, and you found yourself fascinated and almost amused at how he barely looked like Jeff. Even with the blond hair that hadn’t fully grown in yet and made the little boy look like an old man who was balding. It was surreal, in a way. How the girl beside you had managed to create such a beautiful soul through an ongoing situation that left all of you feeling hopeless and dreadful. 

“I’m sorry.” 

It was the words of Shauna again that tugged you out of your daydream. You found yourself blinking a few times, and when you slowly pulled your eyes away from her son to gaze at her, she was already staring at you, looking into your irises with her brown ones that the baby in your arms carried, too. You had to stop yourself from admiring other parts of her face for the sake of conveying to her that you were listening, and when you mindlessly creased your brow in confusion towards her apology, she took that as her chance to continue, as she scooted closer to you and flickered her focus down towards the child you were holding. 

“I haven’t really been present,” she explained, clarifying herself, with a tone that conveyed shame, “for him.” You glanced down at her mouth for a split second, taking in the way that they were chapped and had dried-up blood on them, which you realized must have been from her anxiously nipping at her lips. Not only that, but it was also the winter, so you weren’t surprised, but even with the sight that didn’t necessarily look pleasant, you still found your stomach fluttering, before you shifted your attention back up to meet her gaze once again. 

You inevitably shook your head, finding your voice, “It’s okay,” you whispered, “I know things have been… hard, for you.” It was difficult to know what to say to help her feel better, but you put in a valiant effort to tread lightly, which seemed to work in your favor, when she slowly deflated and decided to lean closer to you and lower her head against your shoulder. The heavy sigh she let out shortly after was enough to convey that she’d been needing some form of comfort, and although you tensed slightly, you let her have it, as you continued and glanced down at the baby in your arms. “It’s not easy having a kid and then being expected to take care of it after everything that’s happened.”

“I did it to myself,” Shauna mumbled, as she pressed her thigh against yours and mindlessly plucked at the fabric of her t-shirt, “I shouldn’t have meddled with my best friend's love life.” Even with being trapped in the wilderness, there was still a certain air of intelligence in the way she spoke, and you couldn’t help the way the corner of your lip curled up, as you slowly nodded your head in response to her statement. “Now I’m paying for it.” Her tone was dry, ultimately, and you weren't sure if it was because of the fact that she didn’t have it in her to be sad about what happened, or if she was simply angry at herself now, for what she did. 

“At least he doesn’t look like Jeff,” you replied quietly, trying to lighten the mood in your own way, which caused Shauna to scoff dryly, as she pressed her cheek deeper into your shoulder and stared down at the sleeping boy in your arms. “Clearly your genes are stronger.” 

The conversation lulled slightly, but you weren’t surprised, when Shauna silently reached her hand out and wiped her thumb over the corner of her baby’s mouth. Dried spit, you realized, was what she was trying to make disappear, and it reminded you of the little stain you had on your hoodie from his drool, which created an emotion of amusement that fluttered through your chest as you watched her gently tend to her kid. It wasn’t a common occurrence. It was like she was scared to touch him, or hold him, or even be in a room alone with him. But at the same time, she was equally protective. She had mixed feelings, obviously, and you had a feeling as to why that was.

And you didn’t want to bring it up.

But it was nice to see her attentiveness, even if it was something that was short-lived, when she inevitably pulled her hand back from his face, and let it fall onto her lap. “I haven’t even named him,” she suddenly stated, and when you turned your head slightly to look down at her, she pulled her cheek away from your shoulder and sat back up to stare down at the floor between her legs. “I don’t even know how to be a mom,” she added on, and you frowned faintly, before you slowly stood up to your full height and ambled over to the boys’ crib, letting her words drift off into the air, while you settled him against the makeshift bed you and Van created for him, and tucked him under a shirt that acted as a blanket for his small body.

“No one does at first,” you eventually replied, pulling your hands away from him, before you stepped back from the crib and turned around to look at Shauna, who bounced her knee up and down anxiously, not meeting your gaze. “No one gives you a rule book on how to be a parent, Shauna,” you reminded her, “it’s not easy… but that’s why we’re here–” 

“You.” 

Shauna’s mumble cut you off, and you paused to scrutinize her, “What?” 

“You’re here,” she said, as she slowly lifted her head up to meet your eyes, “not them.” Your features faintly flinched in surprise, and when you shifted in your stance and shoved your hands into the pockets of your pajama pants that were just as tattered as all your other clothes, she continued. “You’ve been the only one who’s, like… actually helped me ever since I had him,” she explained, “I mean, other than Van, who helped make the crib with you, you’ve been here to take care of him, while I’ve just…” her voice trailed off, and she shrugged her shoulders, clearly at a loss for what else to say. 

“You’ve got other stuff to deal with,” you uttered, trying to defend her from herself. 

But Shauna shook her head, while you slowly trailed back towards the bed and watched her intently. “Like wallowing and resenting my own child who hasn’t done anything to deserve it?” You let out a deep breath when you turned around and lowered yourself to sit down beside her, and as your brow creased into a look of thought, she felt her eyes sting with unshed tears. “I’ve been the worst mom – you’re more of a parent than I am–” 

“Shauna, stop,” you stated, shaking your head, before you looked at her and watched the way she pulled her face out of her hands and sighed shakily, “you’re not a bad mom,” you told her, “I mean… it’s normal to feel like shit after giving birth,” you added on, with the intention of making her feel less guilty, “postpartum depression is a thing, and you’re probably dealing with that on top of… y’know.” Shauna’s brow furrowed at your words, and when she shifted her brown eyes to meet yours, you could tell she was confused by how you knew that, which caused you to quickly clarify, as you shrugged. “I paid attention in health class.”

“Of course you did,” Shauna laughed out, her voice thick with emotion, as she shook her head and smiled sadly at your words. You chuckled quietly in response to her reaction, feeling a sense of pride swell in your chest towards the fact that you made her giggle, but when she sniffled and glanced down to stare at a certain spot on your face, you felt your heart leap to your throat. “How come we never really talked… before all of this?” she questioned suddenly, as her pupils fluttered back up to meet your gaze, not allowing you the chance to truly dwell on the subtle action, “We were on the same team, yet we barely ever spoke to each other.” 

“Was kinda intimidated by you, actually,” you mumbled sheepishly, which caused her to give you an expression of disbelief, clearly unable to understand what might have been so scary about her. And it caused you to shrug your shoulders, as you shyly turned your head away and stared down at your lap, suddenly feeling small. Like you were exposed entirely. “I don’t know… I always wanted to talk to you, but I just… couldn’t?” You pursed your lips and pressed your palms together, and when you intertwined your fingers, you felt your cheeks heat up as you breathed in deeply and confessed through an exhale, “Guess I was just too scared to talk to a girl that I thought was pretty.” 

At your words, Shauna could only stare at you, her brown eyes focusing on the defined features of your side profile and the way you clenched your jaw tightly out of nervousness, as you stared contemplatively at the floor. Your nostrils flared with a breath, and her heart thudded against her ribcage once that only signified the way your words made her feel. It was a random beat at first, but then it happened again, and again, and again. It cemented her feelings – the way you had secretly made her feel over the span of two months hitting her like an unforgiving truck, and it caused her to swallow thickly, as she broke her focus away from your face and gazed down at your hands instead. 

She wasn’t sure what to say, and it was obvious that the silence that ensued wasn’t one that made either one of you feel comfortable. You shifted awkwardly in your spot, your face feeling flush, while Shauna lost herself in her own mind and continued to stare down at your interwoven fingers. It felt as though you were sixteen again, dealing with your first crush and experiencing mental gymnastics when it came to how you were going to confess that you liked the person you had eyes for. And granted, you were older now, but after spending… however many months in the wilderness, it felt like your social skills had vanished, and you were left ignorant again. 

As well as a fool that had no grasp on how to say, ‘I like you’ to a cute girl.

It felt like hours had passed – when in actuality it was a minute, before you eventually cleared your throat awkwardly and lifted your chin to allow your eyes to shift away from the floor and towards Shauna’s instead. Your lips parted, as if to try and say something – or to defend yourself for what you had already stated – but nothing came out. And while the brunette seemed to find herself frozen in the way she continued to gaze down at your tense hands, you studied her expression, noticing how her features were taut with contemplation and something deeper, but indecipherable.

“I’m sorry.” 

You suddenly apologized, without thinking, and when your voice – soft throughout the air – broke through the clouded thoughts of Shauna’s mind, that was when she blinked and jolted back into reality. Her brown eyes snapped up to your face, feeling them sting with unshed tears, and your brow furrowed to express your genuine guilt for making her feel uncomfortable. But she wasn’t uncomfortable. She was just… shocked. And confused. Because she had always been used to being second best, or stuck in the shadow of someone who was deemed as far more important than she ever could be. But even when Jackie was alive and she was actively experiencing the woes of being ‘the sidekick’ and ‘just the best friend,’ you still noticed her.

Still saw her as Shauna Shipman. 

Not Jackie’s best friend.

And it made her angry that you waited so fucking long to say something. 

To give her any sort of idea that you liked her.

Maybe it was the postpartum hormones that made Shauna swell with a mixture of frustration and sadness, or maybe it was just her, and it had nothing to do with the after effects of her giving birth. Either way, you saw a tear slip from the corner of her brown eye, and she could feel the salty droplet and the way it streaked down her cheek in an almost poetically depressing way. It only caused your breath to hitch in your throat, the guilt in your chest increasing drastically, and when you tried to reach your hand up to wipe away the stain, she grabbed your wrist, halting your movement, just as your fingers grazed over the skin of her face. 

“Shit, I’m sorry–” 

Ever the apologist, Shauna cut you off before you could complete your sentence, when she pushed your wrist down to pin it against your lap and suddenly leaned forward to press her lips against your own. The action was done with a swiftness that left your mind reeling and your body tensing as your body leaned back slightly, but when she unconsciously squeezed your joint that she held onto like a lifeline, you snapped out of your shock. The roughness of her mouth – chapped and dry – against your own, wasn’t unwanted. Especially not when you had been wanting to kiss her for the past year and a half. So it only made sense to relax into it, when you breathed out through your nose and allowed your eyes to flutter shut.

You promptly followed her lead, creating a game that consisted of her pushing and you pulling, as your lips parted to slot together like a perfect puzzle piece. Her grip tightened on your joint all the more, and although her fingernails lightly dug into your skin, it wasn’t enough to get you to move away from her. If anything, it urged you closer to her, when you reached up with your free hand and cupped her cheek. Your mouths moved together, quiet sounds of them smacking together intermixing with the soft breaths that the two of you let out, and before you could even realize what was happening, you were being pushed back against the firm mattress, which allowed her to pin your wrist she grasped above your head, while your other palm fell away from her face to rest against your stomach. 

Shauna pulled her lips away from you in that same moment, and when you let out a quiet pant and fluttered your eyes open, she was already looking down at you with a certain emotion in her brown irises. You weren’t sure what it meant, but with how hazy your mind felt, and with how quick your heart thumped inside of your chest, you couldn’t bring yourself to grow concerned. Especially not with the way she loomed over you, and allowed her fingers to finally loosen around your wrist. Your focus shifted in turn, to watch her as she slid them up and over your palm, before they curled between your own and eventually intertwined in a way that felt like a perfect fit.

“I’m sorry for not telling you sooner,” you mumbled, after a moment, as your eyes shifted back to meet the brunette’s. But Shauna could only shake her head dismissively, not wanting to talk about feelings, before she leaned down and pressed her lips against yours once again. 

You immediately reciprocated that time, no longer hesitant to succumb to the concept of loving her, and when you happily hummed against her mouth, she felt her stomach flip, as a weight of tension slipped off of her shoulders.

Just like water. 

—————————————————————————

There was something oddly therapeutic about the sounds of a baby giggling. The belly laughs that were infectious and left anyone who heard them grinning from ear to ear like an idiot. That may or may not have been you in the current moment, as you watched as Shauna blew raspberries into her boys’ belly from where he laid on her bed. His arms and legs swung back and forth to signify just how ticklish her actions had made him, and you felt your heart swell with affection towards the two, while you watched her pull herself up to look down at him with an expression on her face that conveyed nothing but admiration and love towards the child. 

She named him Jackson.

Because although she had her own personal qualms about Jackie, the thought of forgetting her like a distant memory wasn’t something Shauna could ever fathom, and you couldn’t blame her for it. You remembered having the conversation with her, shortly after you and her started dating, and you were all for it, because you knew how much she loved her best friend, even if the last time they spoke didn’t end on the best terms. She saw it as a form of an apology, in her own way. And although you didn’t fully understand – not nearly as well as she did – you went along with it, because it was her choice in the end, and there was no way in hell you were going to control what she did. 

Besides, Jackson was a cute name. 

It fit him. 

You snapped back into reality when a little fist smacked against your cheek, and you were quick to jolt back slightly, as you blinked and looked down at Jackson, who clearly wasn’t aware of what he had just done. He was far too focused on Shauna tickling his sides teasingly, and when he let out a high-pitch squeal as she picked him up, you chuckled softly, before your eyes flickered up to look at your girlfriend, who seemed a lot happier than two months ago, when you shared your first kiss with her. There was a certain glow to her. One that radiated from under all the dirt and grime that seemed to stain her face, even after washing it with water at the lake just an hour ago, and it made you happy in turn. 

She would never fully heal, you knew that. None of you would, realistically… once you all got out of this mess. But at least she was searching for the good in things now, trying to actively find optimism, rather than the pessimism she had been so used to embodying. And you were well aware that she would always be Shauna. The girl who didn’t get as excited over the things that you or other people would. Or the girl who found far more enjoyment in staying in and reading a book, rather than going out and mingling with people at a party she didn’t truly want to attend. Hell, even now, stuck in the wilderness, she acted like a ghost who occasionally payed the rest of the cabin a visit.  

But it wasn’t a bad thing. 

It would never be a bad thing.

“Hey. Earth to Y/n?” 

You blinked back into reality the moment Shauna’s voice broke through the fog of your mind, and you quickly realized that your eyes had fallen back down without you knowing, which ended in you intensely staring at the spot Jackson had once been laying. All that sat there now was a vacant spot, and it left the brunette feeling slightly worried. Especially with the way your gaze sat unwavering, simply focused down at the sheets, as though they were the most interesting thing in the world to you. It was obvious enough to you that she had put her son down to rest for the remainder of the day, and as you let out a quiet exhale through your nose and flickered your eyes up to meet your girlfriend’s, you rolled over onto your back and raised your brow in silent questioning.

“Hm?” You attempted to play off your daydream with a lackadaisical demeanor, but when Shauna scrunched her features up in both perplexity and concern, you knew you had failed miserably. Her brown eyes practically bored into yours, and you couldn’t bring yourself to avert your gaze, as you watched her move and sit back down on the mattress, before she clasped her hands together, so that they could rest comfortably in her lap, and gave you a certain look. 

“What do you mean, ‘hm’?” she teased lightly with a smirk, as she shook her head in amusement towards your poor ability to play off your bout of distraction. She crossed her legs over the other in that same moment, and when you shrugged your shoulders and sluggishly pushed yourself up into a sitting position, she tilted her head to the side and sent you an expression that conveyed nothing but genuine curiosity. “What were you doing?” she asked, while you stared at her silently, like someone who had been caught doing something they shouldn’t have.

“Just thinkin’,” you admitted, giving her another shrug, as the corners of your lips quirked up faintly. Shauna only rolled her eyes at your simple statement, and when you let out a quiet huff in response, she used your reaction as proof that you were okay.  

Though, even then, your vague explanation gave her the excuse to scoot closer to you, and you found yourself mindlessly leaning into her, as she reached her hand up to cup your cheek. “About what?” She gently rubbed the pad of her calloused thumb over the skin that sat underneath your eye, the touch almost featherlight in the way it felt against you. And you pressed into the feeling, almost melting against the warmth of her palm that cradled the side of your face, which caused her to smile softly in turn, finding satisfaction in how comfortable you were to her affection.

“You,” you eventually replied, before you raised a hand up and curled your fingers around her wrist, “and Jackson.” You gently held the joint in your grasp and turned your head slightly to press your lips against the heel of her palm, “Thinking about how so much has changed. In a good way.” You tugged it away from your face to bring that part of her body down into your lap, and she felt her heart warm, the moment you moved your thumb across the lines that decorated her limb. “I’m happy that you’re both here… that I’m with the two of you,” you mumbled, your voice coming out as a quiet whisper, as you lowered your chin to gaze down at what you were doing. 

Your introspective thoughts about Shauna and Jackson weren’t uncommon, and she knew that, considering the fact that you often found yourself daydreaming when it came to her and her son. How you would stare, and stare, and stare, until she’d eventually notice and snap you out of it with a question. Hell, sometimes your mind buzzed so much to the point where you would wake up in the middle of the night and head outside to sit on the porch. And then you would just… think, about her, or Jackson, or about your teammates that also resided in the cabin. And it was all while you listened to the randomly occurring sounds of owls hooting, or birds flapping their wings and rustling the leaves that they hid within.

“You always have a habit of becoming sappy after we put Jackson to bed,” Shauna uttered suddenly, as she glanced down at your fingers, and watched the way they continued to trace over the lines of her palm. “You know that, right?” You simply shrugged your shoulders, feeling the corner of your lip curve up into a soft, innocent smirk that was entirely mindless, and it caused a quiet huff of endearment to slip from the brunette, before she scooted closer to you – her knee pressing against your thigh – and used her free hand to pinch your chin with her index and thumb, as she slowly tugged your focus up to meet her own once again. 

“I can’t help it,” you replied softly, the moment you met her gaze, smiling a little brighter. The brunette flickered her brown eyes between your own, clearly stuck in a bout of admiration towards the way the color of your irises fit the different contours and features of your face perfectly, and your only form of defense consisted of you shrugging – again – as you pressed your lips together tightly. “It’s not my fault you’re you and he’s him.” It was clear she didn’t know what you meant by those words, with the way her brow faintly creased in reaction to your statement, but she couldn’t bring herself to question you.

She found your form of affection too endearing to try and deconstruct it.

With Shauna still pinching the bottom of your chin, you remained frozen in your spot, staring at her intently and with a certain glint of softness shining in your eyes. “You’re a dork,” she found herself pointing out, and you immediately brightened in reply, when she let out a loving chuckle and tugged you forward slightly, just so she could press her mouth to your own. Her sound of amusement died down the moment the tip of your nose brushed against her own, and when she tipped her head up slightly to graze her lips over your own, her eyelids fluttering, that was when you pushed in and kissed her, making the connection.

There wasn’t a feeling of anxiety or nervousness that filled your chest, as your hand slowly came up to cradle the side of her neck. It wasn’t like the first time you kissed her. Wasn’t a moment full of uncertain movement and uncoordinated positions that left the two of you huffing out embarrassed laughs and flushing with heat. There was intent and fluidity that went into it now, but even if you and her still acted like you had never shared a peck before, you still would have enjoyed the moment either way. But maybe you were also appreciative of the fact that you didn’t feel like you were going to explode anymore, just from feeling her against you.

With the way you were positioned on the bed, it wasn’t difficult for Shauna to shift onto her knees and use one of her hands to press it against your hip bone. Her other limb cradled your face tenderly, her touch possessive but equally gentle, and the moment your back fell against the mattress, and your head was suddenly cradled by the pillow, that was when her lips fell away from you. With a panting breath, your eyes fluttered open and stared up at her to see her own brown irises gazing down at you already, but before you could say anything to her, she was already leaning down – disappearing from your line of vision – to peck the side of your neck.

There was intention in the action, and it made you flush with heat, as she nestled herself between your legs and pressed her palms against your hips to keep herself from falling on top of you. Your eyelids fluttered when you felt the heat of her breath against the skin of your jaw, and as she kissed the line of it, just underneath your ear, your voice broke through the silence, as your head lulled to the side to stare towards the door of the room, which was already closed and providing the two of you with privacy. “What if someone comes in?” you questioned weakly, your voice lacking its usual confidence, as Shauna moved her hand down slightly and slipped her fingers underneath your shirt. 

“Everyone’s outside enjoying the sun,” she mumbled against your flesh, while you tensed up and let out a shaky breath as she smoothed her fingers up your stomach. You ultimately moved past the possibility of anyone barging into the room, even if her words didn’t fully convince you, but when her nails lightly tickled your skin, you couldn’t stop the quiet giggle that slipped from your lips, as your hand shot down to grab her forearm. 

Shauna let out a huff at your action, and you weren’t sure if it was out of annoyance or amusement. But when she nipped at your earlobe with her teeth and curled her fingers to continue lightly grazing her nails over the skin of your belly, you could tell she was simply trying to spur you on in the way you originally reacted. And it seemed to work in her favor, when you tightened your grip on her forearm and let out a quiet grunt that did nothing but convey your displeasure and sensitivity towards her teasing. 

“Shauna,” you groaned quietly, pushing at her limb.

But she didn’t budge, and she only moved her hand to hold your side instead, as she leaned back slightly to gaze down at you, her dilated pupils locking with yours. “What?” she asked, though you knew the question was entirely rhetorical, when you noticed the ghost of a smirk form on her lips, “I’m not doing anything.” Her faux innocence made you roll your eyes, and she chuckled in turn, finding your attitude comical to her, before she hunkered down to kiss the bone of your cheek, as her hand that lingered on your waist suddenly smoothed lower to tease at the waistband of your shorts. 

Her movements still managed to make you squirm, the action ticklish to you, though you also couldn’t deny the way it made your heart speed up, while she watched your expression intently. She searched for any sort of visible response from you, as she hooked her fingers over the elastic, and with the way your eyes flitted to meet her brown ones, it was easy to see the way your features shifted into a look of subtle surprise, the moment you felt the featherlight touch of her fingers graze over the band of your underwear. 

“I’ll go slow–” 

“Guys! Guys!” 

At the sudden voice, which erupted throughout the cabin like an annoying alarm, Shauna’s hand jolted out of your pants as though she had been burned with fire, while you sucked in a sharp breath and snapped your focus towards the door. It opened just as your girlfriend leaned back on her heels with an almost frustrated huff slipping from her lips, and while you propped yourself up onto your elbows, you saw the figure of Van peek through the gap they had created. 

Their eyes were as wide as saucers, and their expression was the brightest you had ever seen since you all became trapped in the wilderness. It made your brow furrow in turn, while the brunette stared at them with an unimpressed expression on her features, clearly unhappy towards the fact that the moment had been ruined between you and her. “What, Van?” 

You snorted quietly at Shauna’s perturbed response, and Van completely ignored it, when they grinned widely and frantically glanced between the two of you with a glint of excitement in their blue eyes. “Nat waved down a fucking helicopter.” Their words were enough to make your face scrunch up in confusion, almost not believing them, and when you pushed yourself up into a sitting position and narrowed your eyes at the goalkeeper, they didn’t even give you the chance to ask what they meant, when they answered the question for you.

“They found us, guys,” Van stated, clarifying themself, “we can finally get out of here.”

This took me way too long to finish.

[semisolidmind]

How do you think season 5 would’ve gone in your Bad End or Twice As Bad AU?

ok, so

y'know how, since season 4, mk has been going through the whole “i don’t want to use or even acknowledge my monkey form because it makes me feel like a monster” thing? well, bad end/twice as bad mk doesn’t have that hangup to address, because he’s spent his entire life up until the shows’ events in that form, training and living in it. he knows no other way.

he is an incredibly powerful monkey demon; he is the harbinger of chaos, and he's fine with it.

his “mortal” form is the one he’s been having visions and confrontations with. (i imagine the ink curse in s4 using his mortal form to taunt him about being weak now that he's got mortals he cares about– "keep on compromising for them, and you'll end up just like them; too small and insignificant to ever make a difference.")

instead of having to face his fear that he may be dangerous (because as a crazy powerful monkey demon trained by the two other most powerful monkey demons in the universe, of course he is), his mortal self is trying to tell him that he doesn't have to be a monster like wukong. death and rampant destruction don't have to be his legacy.

the mortal mk in his meditative visions tells him that caring for his friends doesn't make him weak or undeserving of his power and lineage. the visions he has during the guardian trials (and the guardians themselves) tell him that in order to be a real hero, he has to care about those that his training would tell him are "lesser" than him (also that his friends aren't worth less just because they don't have a ridiculous amount of power).

mk would learn to accept that every being in the world has value, regardless of their status. nuwa would tell him this as well, when he meets her.

season 5 would be bad end/twice as bad mk's journey of accepting that he has a mortal heart, and that caring for others has immense power all on its own. he must choose to be the change to the status quo.

he'd always known he was an "agent of chaos," but the events of season five cement in his mind that he was brought into the world for a reason. just that now, he alone gets to decide what that reason is.

----------

as for his mentors...

getting captured and re-bound by the gold fillet wasn't exactly on the monkey king's itinerary, and he's majorly pissed. he levels the surrounding area about it, and decimates all of the soldiers sent to subdue him (regardless of how agonizing the tightening spell is; the pain just makes him angrier). he breaks every ward and barrier placed against him, tears apart any enemy who dares to come close. his rage is a force to be reckoned with.

wukong had sworn he'd never be subjugated by heaven ever again; he's definitely not just gonna let this slide. the celestial realm will suffer for their breach of the tentative peace they brokered by leaving the monkey king well enough alone.

as the only one that gets captured after his fit of rage, he only has to get himself out of celestial prison. easy, despite how many wards are placed on his cell (it's not like heaven has ever been much of a threat to him before, after all). he has to get back to the group, for his family's sake. nothing will stand in his way.

macaque only barely dodges getting locked into a fillet as well, and uses his advantage to launch a sneak attack on nezha and li jing; this forces them back and gives the gang their chance to escape in the chaos caused by the monkey bros.

the shadow general takes the distraction provided by wukong's rampage to get reader and everyone else somewhere safe. from there, the gang helps mk find all the stones, defeat the guardians trials, and eventually make their way to the pillar.

both wukong and macaque try to stop mk from sacrificing himself (in-between fighting the nine-headed demon), and reader tries to talk him down from it. however, she can't argue with the look of quiet determination on his face..she knows that he's made up his mind. with tears in her eyes she embraces him, then lets him go.

wukong tries to go after him, but one look at reader stops him. she's...she's accepted his decision. just like she always has. maybe...maybe this time, wukong should too. he sheds tears and holds onto his wife... but doesn't follow his son into the pillar.

the world goes silent, before bursting back to life.

the stones are destroyed, the nine-headed demon dissapears, and things go back to almost normal.

----------

—i imagine reader, with her skills as a peacemaker developed from her centuries as queen of flower fruit mountain, is the one who keeps everyone calm and grounded throughout their ordeals. she's gotten to know them all through her adopted charge, and keeps them on track.

—now it'd make sense for reader to be left relatively safe on ffm, but given the state of the universe in this season, the monkey bros aren't about to let her out of their sight (weird end-of -the-world-again family road trip). they don't care much for the rest of existence, but even they have to acknowledge that they'd prefer the world and their mountain unbroken.

—the pagoda sequence is a very emotionally tense one for reader and the boys in twice as bad. reader relives being stolen and the early years of her imprisonment; after they break her out of the hundred eyed demon's spell, she won't look at either of them and flinches away when they try to touch her; little does she know, her husbands relived the same thing (plus all the other bad shit they've done). they've learned enough compassion for her to feel a bit of shame.

[kingofpopmj]

Something About You Baby

Summary: You watched behind the scenes as filming for In The Closet began. Michael in work mode was one of your favorite things, but there was something different about this time.

Pairing: Michael Jackson x Reader!

Warning: AWKWARD TENSION, ARGUING AND CURSING

Requested: yes

*Y/N’s POV*

It was hot. Everything. The weather. The onscreen couple. The wardrobe. Everything. It felt like only yesterday Michael jumped out of bed and began scribbling notes in the notebook I’d put in his nightstand for moments like this. I laid on my side watching him hum and beatbox until he found the right melody. His process was incredible to witness. It was so damn sexy when he lost himself in the music.

“What do you think?” Michael smiled, standing still as I eyed him up and down— taking my sweet time of course.

“Very handsome.” I leaned in, my lips molding to the curve of his cheek. “Aren’t you going to be hot in those jeans?”

“Yeah, but I don’t have many other options.”

“You could wear a speedo.” I teased.

“I think that would negate the subtly I was going for.”

“Boo. You’re no fun.” I giggled, wrapping my arms around his shoulders and twirling my fingers through the strands of his ponytail.

“Plus, those don’t seem very comfortable or supportive for that matter.”

“Must you always overthink my jokes?”

“How about… I give you a private show later. I’ll pull out all my best moves and definitely no speedos.” I could feel his fingers slip under the hem of my shirt, tracing my hipbone.

“Oh, I wouldn’t miss that for the world.”

“Only the best for my lady.”

“We should get out there… the longer you look at me like that the closer we are to getting this trailer rockin’. I only have so much self control.” I pouted, dragging the pads of my fingers along the details of his shoulder muscles.

“I love the hell out of you. You know that?”

“I had an inkling.”

“Come on. They’re waiting for us.”

Michael held out his arm for me to take before guiding me with him to where everyone was waiting. After quick pleasantries, I looked on silently as they begun talking business. Michael spoke with the director about some last minute ideas. I took the moment to look around, it was a simple set and I was looking forward to seeing how they’d utilize everything.

“This is Y/N, my better half.” Michael’s voice brought me back into the conversation. When I turned my head I was face to face with his love interest for the day.

“Hello, it’s great to meet you.” I smiled, trying to hide how utterly intimidated I’d felt. The more I looked at her the more I felt myself shrink— she’s like a fucking goddess.

“Hi, I’m Naomi, it’s exciting to finally meet you. Michael talks about you constantly. I feel like I already know you.” She was tall with long hair and a costume which showed off her toned physique. She was absolutely beautiful.

Michael whispered in my ear about needing to take care of something and left me alone with the supermodel. We continued talking and laughing together. She was actually pretty easy to talk to. It wasn’t long until I didn’t feel so insecure anymore. I mean she’s still stunning, but she also seemed kind. She’s Michaels friend— good friend. He doesn’t have many of those, people he can trust, so that’s another plus in my book.

“Mike should’ve just had you in the video.” She nudged me with her elbow. “I think that would’ve really brought the shock value. No one would expect it, since he’s so protective of you.”

“Yeah, I don’t think he’d go for that at all. Plus, I couldn’t— I get a little camera shy.”

“Don’t be shy. Own it, I know I would. You’re with the most successful man in the world. He chose you, don’t be shy, don’t hide. Who gives a shit what they say. If you ask me, you’ve already won.”

“I’ve won? Won what?”

“Seriously?” She laughed, shaking her head and gesturing with her head in the direction of where Michael was. “Happiness.” She stated simply. “People would do anything for true happiness. You’ve got it. It brings out the envy in most.” I stared at her for a moment, my eyes searching hers for understanding. She didn’t smile this time. She looked at me with this expression that sent a shiver through my body. By the time I’d figured out what to say to her, we were interrupted before I could get the words out.

“Excuse me, Naomi, we need you.” She excused herself and walked off to the makeshift church, posing in front of it as they checked the lighting.

She’s really fitting for the role. There’s no way I could’ve done that— the outfit alone. She looked more comfortable in it— in front of all these people more than I ever could.

I was left with this uneasy feeling. Nonetheless, I watched on as they got in position. She smiled, batting her eyes when Michael emerged from his trailer. I recognized the excitement, the hitch in her breathing, but the real give away was the way her face fell when he made his way to me. She had no idea how to mask her emotions, which made it difficult to brush off.

“Y/N, baby.” His sweet voice sounded from beside as I felt his embrace.

“Hi.” I said simply, pulling my focus away from her and the anger I felt— it wasn’t important. It’s not worth it. Michael has had many admirers. This won’t be any different. Like she said, I shouldn’t hide. I should own it.

“We’re about to start. I need for you to stay right here, okay?”

“Here? Okay. I can do that.” I crossed my legs and sat back in my chair. “Oh, I love it when you give me orders.”

“Stop it.” He jumped towards me, covering my lips. “You really want me to break your back in the middle of a desert?”

“I mean if you’re offering.” I couldn’t help myself I loved the look on his face when I flirted with him, especially in public.

“You’ve gotta stop getting me started when there’s people around.” He muttered under his breath, adjusting his jeans discreetly. “Naughty.”

“Fine. I’ll be good.”

“I’ll be right over there.” He pointed over to where a dusty old car was parked. “I need to have you in my eye line, so I can sing to you. I need you there. It’ll help my nerves— seeing you will help me.”

“I won’t move.”

“Thank you.”

I did exactly as I was told. I didn’t move.

Every time they took breaks in between filming, Michael was right by my side acting a fool. He was so amped up, everything I said only added to his craziness.

“Put ‘em up!” Michael yelled from behind me.

“You scared the shit out of me!” When I turned around he had a bright green water gun pointing at me and a brown cowboy hat on.

“Hands in the air fine lady!”

“You don’t have to yell—” That’s when I felt cold liquid hit me in the forehead. “What is that? It’s burning my eye.”

“I’m Sheriff Jackson and you are under arrest. Put your hands in the air.”

“Sprite?” I asked as the substance dripped down onto my lips. “You goon, did you really fill that water gun with soda?”

“Stop resisting arrest, ma’am. Don’t make me handcuff you.”

“Where’d you get that from?” I laughed, poking the shiny badge clipped to his chest. “You’re silly. So, you’re the Sheriff?”

“Yes ma’am and I suggest you start cooperating.”

“Can I ask what I’m being charged with?” I teased, tilting my chin up with my hands in front of me— cooperating.

“Being sexy.”

“That’s not a crime. It seems to me like an abuse of power on your part.”

“Yes, I use this badge to get near beautiful women. You caught me.” He grabbed my wrist, pulling me out of the chair and into his chest. “If you give me some lovin’. I’ll let you go— charges dropped.”

“You’re so damn annoying.” I kissed him roughly, sinking my hands slipping through the strands of his hair. “You’re lucky you’re so scrumptious, Sheriff.”

“Having fun?”

“I would be if I wasn’t all sticky from being shot at with sprite.”

“Don’t worry, I’ll lick it off of you later.” He winked, dancing around me and pinching my butt. “I’ll have an hour for lunch, if you’re interested.”

“I’ll go pick up your favorite.”

“You’re my favorite.” He walked me over to the car and kissed me. “I can’t believe I’m helping a fugitive escape.” He murmured against my lips.

“Sheriff, the only thing I’m guilty of is having dirty thoughts about you.” I kissed his cheek, his jawline then his neck as I felt his heart begin to race. I pulled away, smiling up at him. “I should get going.”

“Tease.” He huffed, smacking my butt as I turned to get into the car. “Drive safe. I love you.”

“I love you.” He shut the door softly, leaning through the open window to kiss me one last time before I drove off.

When I pulled up to set, paper bags in hand everything felt the same. It wasn’t until my eyes landed on Michael that I realized I was wrong. He jumped slightly when I greeted him and was painfully quiet.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah, thanks for getting food.” He sounded genuine in his tone, but the way he was pushing food around his plate with a fork told me there was more.

“Michael, you can—”

“Please!” He jumped up, dodging my hand as I tried to reach out to him. “Just drop it.”

There was so much I wanted to say. I had so many questions, but I stayed silent. When I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror I immediately felt sick, I looked like a scared kid who’d just been grounded. I felt so damn confused.

“I gotta get back.” I watched as he left the trailer, his head hanging forward and his steps small but steady.

“Okay.” I said after the door shut. I felt helpless. I had no idea what the hell was going on. I thought about how clear he’d been about me taking my spot behind the camera, but right now it felt like he didn’t want me there.

Yet, my feet still carried me outside where the atmosphere had dramatically changed.

“3… 2… Action!”

I stared at my hands, resting in my lap, trying to think over the events of today. I had no idea what could be bothering Michael, but it was serious. I could feel it. When I finally built up the courage to look at him he spun around quickly avoiding my eyes. I don’t think I ever felt more devastated than in this moment.

“How was that?” I heard a voice speak near me. I looked up in time to see the crew walking towards the equipment. This meant they were taking a break— yet Michael was— I didn’t know where he was.

Great. He’s hiding from me now. What’s going on?

The crew had huddled around one of the monitors as they viewed the scene they’d just filmed. They were cheering and applauding at the performance Michael and Naomi were putting on. Even I had to admit, they were doing a great job, very convincing— almost uncomfortable to watch since they were having so much fun groping each other. Truly every girlfriend’s dream to witness her man dry hump in the open desert for a dozen cameras. I’m a lucky girl.

“Look at them. This is going to be hot!”

“That’s a star couple if I ever saw one.”

“People are going to go crazy over this video.”

“They’d be absolutely stunning together. Imagine their babies. Oh, they’d have beautiful babies.”

What the fuck. They’re having babies now? I can’t take much more of this. It’s getting difficult to keep up the supportive girlfriend act. It was easy to tell myself it’s just a job and Michael deserves to have me here cheering him on, but now it felt like I was intruding.

“Naomi, can we get you on the floor?” She flipped her hair and nodded enthusiastically. “Michael, just climb on top of her, do whatever comes to you.”

Yeah, I’m gonna need a break. I hopped out of my chair, walking off before taking one last glance at my boyfriend— that was a big mistake. His hand on Naomi’s chin, guiding her to look up at him from where she was on the floor— in front of him— on her knees.

That’s awesome.

I’m totally okay with this.

I’m not upset. They’re just acting.

And, they just so happened to be great actors.

*Michael’s POV*

As I danced along to the music, something had shifted and I could feel it deep in my soul. I tried to continue, but I was too focused on the empty chair a few yards in front of me. This isn’t right. She wouldn’t just wander off without telling me. I took a deep breath, shaking my head and when the music stopped my feet took off. This felt— it all felt wrong.

“Babe?” I found her stood behind the trailer, her back pushed up against it. “Why’d you leave?”

“It didn’t feel like I was needed anymore.”

“Of course you are. I panicked— I was worried when I didn’t see you.”

“I’m not stupid.” Her eyes were glossy when she finally spoke and her lips stuck in a frown.

“Of course you’re not. I never said you were.” I reached out to her, but she pushed my hand away.

“Well, then, why are you treating me like I am?”

“Babe, what’s going on? What’s this about?”

“This is humiliating.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You can cut the tension with a knife. Why did you even bring me here?”

“Because I need you.”

“It doesn’t— I don’t think you do.”

“Come on. Let’s go inside.” I tried to reach out for her again, but she stepped away, wrapping her arms around herself. She was shielding her from me and it hurt like hell. “Let’s talk. We should talk.”

“It’s in your eyes. They always tell me what you can’t say. I can see it.”

“Honey, see what?”

“Michael, you’re into her.”

“What?”

“You’ve been acting— you haven’t been yourself off camera— with me. I don’t know why, but ever since lunch you’ve been avoiding me. It seems like you rather be over there with her… you’re not being yourself. And, the only explanation I can come up with is that you’re into her.”

“No. No. That’s not true.”

“That’s what it feels like— like you want to be with her. You’re acting different.”

“Baby, no. I promise that’s not it.”

“When they yell cut you practically hide from me, but I can tell. I can see it in your eyes— it’s— there’s something wrong and it looks like when the camera is rolling you’re loving every minute. I can feel it— there’s something going on with her.”

“No, Y/N, no— I don’t want her. This is work and I’m just playing a part.”

“You guys are all over each other—”

“It’s for the film. We’re acting. I’m acting. That’s all.”

“It seems like you’re both really enjoying it. Why are you avoiding me? Like you don’t want to be near me—”

“No, that’s not it! I’m so sorry… I didn’t intend to make you feel that way.”

“What is it then! Am I imagining it?”

“Y/N! No!”

“All you can say is no?”

“No! I mean— shit, not no.”

“You’ve gotta get back out there. I’ll just stay here or I can leave.” She took in a deep breath like she was trying to appear unfazed. “Do you want me to leave?”

“No. Y/N, listen...” I drifted off, feeling helpless. I had no idea what to say— how to say this.

“Just say it.”

“I don’t know…”

“Then, say something, say anything.”

“I was avoiding you because I can’t keep things from you. I’m not a good liar.”

“A good liar? Oh my god. What did you do?”

“Babe.”

“What did you do with her that you need to lie to me about?” Her voice was weak and she started crying profusely at the thought of me betraying her.

“No. Please listen to me.” She still wouldn’t let me touch her, so I settled for placing my hands on the metal exterior of the trailer, on either side of her, blocking her in so she couldn’t run away from me.

“I’m listening.” She muttered, staring off into the distance.

“I’d never do something like that. I didn’t mean— I meant I’m not good at keeping things from you. I hate it actually. And, I thought it was best to not tell you this while we’re still here because I didn’t want you to kill Naomi.”

“What are you talking about?”

“I love you. Do you hear me? I fucking love you. I didn’t want— I thought I was protecting you.”

“What the fuck is going on?”

“Shit. Okay, please don’t be mad.”

“Michael, you’re scaring me.”

“When you left to get us lunch. She came into my trailer—”

“Who?” Her eyes squinted, focusing on my every word and I knew immediately this wasn’t going to end well.

“Naomi, she came onto me.”

“She what!” Y/N yelled, taking me by surprise.

“Oh, you’re already mad. That was quick.” I nervously bit my lip, stalling because I didn’t want to tell her everything. She was going to lose it.

“What did she do Michael?”

“I need you to promise me that you won’t run over there and go all Balboa, okay? There can’t be— you can’t make a scene.”

“Michael, tell me, now.”

“You didn’t promise.”

“Fine. I promise. I won’t make a scene.” Her voice was calm when she said it, showing me a tight lipped smile to reassure me. I didn’t have much time to study that smile before she spoke again. “Now, tell me.”

“Naomi came onto me. She threw herself at me. I didn’t think she’d— it came out of nowhere. I—It made me so uncomfortable. I was kind of embarrassed— but still— honey, I— I should’ve told you. I— S— She grabbed me— like— down there and said things— offered some things I’m not very comfortable repeating—” I didn’t get to finish before she dipped her head under my arm, escaping my makeshift barrier. “Babe!” She didn’t stop and she didn’t look back.

I took a deep breath before chasing after her, but she’d vanished. Damn, I forgot how quick she is. The only hint of her whereabouts was the sound of Naomi’s trailer door being ripped open. I scanned the area anxiously, but nothing seemed off. No one was suspicious of anything. There were no eyes on me. Everyone was going on about their business as usual and that’s when I really noticed how quiet it was. It was too quiet. I couldn’t hear any sounds of a fight which made me curious and a little afraid. Carefully, I walked towards the open door of Naomi’s trailer, peeking inside and nothing. I didn’t see Y/N or Naomi anywhere. I really didn’t want to go inside, but knowing my girl, I’d definitely have to carry her out of here.

“Babe! Are you in here?” There was a slight creaking sound and it was only then I noticed the trailer shaking.

No answer.

“Babe?”

Still nothing.

I placed my foot on the first step, counting to five before going any further, but thankfully that was as far as I had to go. Y/N appeared from the back room with a toothy grin on her face this time, fixing her shirt and dusting herself off.

“Hey baby! There you are.” She chuckled, walking over to me, intertwining our hands and dragging me back outside— away from what she’d done. My gut told me she left behind a crime scene. The way she smiled at me— I had no doubt she took care of business.

“What did you do?” I whispered, studying her body for any visible wounds. I paused, inspecting her hands, specifically her bright red knuckles.

“Nothing.” She shrugged innocently. “I didn’t do anything. I didn’t see anything, did you?”

“Y/N, you have to tell me.”

“Tell you what?”

“Did you hit her? Yell at her? I didn’t hear any yelling. What happened in there?”

“I didn’t hear anything. Did you?” She tilted her head, waiting for my answer. There was something about the way she was looking at me. I wanted to laugh, but I was genuinely curious what she was capable of.

“Babe—”

Before I could finish, Naomi emerged from her trailer, looking— very different. She looked like she’d been to hell and back. Her hair was a mess and her eyes were trained on the floor as she walked by us. She had her hand on her forehead, acting like she was blocking the sun, but I could tell there was more. She was covering something, maybe a scratch or bruise.

“I didn’t cause a scene.” Y/N whispered to me as she brought her lips to mine.

“I’m not sure whether to be scared of you or really turned on right now.” I wasn’t scared of her. I was impressed, maybe that was wrong, but I was.

“You’ll figure it out.” She winked, cupping my face and rubbing her thumb across my cheek.

“Thank you. Thank you so—”

“No need. I’m always going to have your back. I know I promised, but I couldn’t— I couldn’t just let someone get away with doing that to you.”

“Thank you for standing up for me. No one has ever done anything like that for me.”

“And, I always will. You’ll always have me.”

I stared at her in awe for what felt like hours, the way I love her is unlike anything I’ve ever known to exist. She defends me with her whole heart. No matter how low I feel she brings me back up. When I feel like I’m drowning she keeps my head above water. I don’t know how she does it— I don’t know why she does it, but damn would I be lost without it— without her. Fuck, I knew it the first time I laid eyes on her. I knew it the first time I heard her voice. I needed her. My girl.

There’s something about her.

“I love you.” It came out as an exhale, but shit did I put my soul into those three words. I felt a tug at my lips, admiring how she looked at me, like I was her world— the same way I looked at her.

“You should.”

[koishiro]

# - 𝐆𝐄𝐍𝐒𝐇𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐄𝐍 𝐖𝐇𝐄𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐘 𝐇𝐀𝐕𝐄 𝐀 𝐂𝐑𝐔𝐒𝐇

masterlist | genshin masterlist | upcoming anon asks

Diluc

Okay I’m sorry but he’ll flat out ignore you at first,

Or at least he tries to considering he can’t stop thinking about you which will make him confused for a while on why his heart “aches” when you’re around. He doesn’t realise it but when you’re around or generally anywhere near him, he’ll subtly scuffle closer towards you and I can imagine Diluc trying his best to be in your line of sight as much as he can because that’s his way of infiltrating your mind. Every time you visit Angel’s Share don’t expect to pay for anything, it’s conveniently on the house. I can imagine he’d also want a form of validation from you (and only you) after he gives his opinion in a discussion, it makes him feel all warm and fuzzy inside.

“Fancy seeing you here Y/n, the usual? What are you doing? There’s no need to spend your mora on such wasteful things”

Zhongli

…I hope you like tea,

Because you better expect to be invited to the funeral parlor “for tea” at least 3 days a week. If you’re ever walking through Liue and compliment something at a passing stall, he’ll buy it for you without a second thought because let’s be real (and these are his words exactly): - “mora has no value if it’s not spent on something worthwhile” …this man - he doesn’t realise how much of a flirt he is and is always confused if he catches your red face. He’ll also subtly court you without making it too obvious, like he’d appear at your place of work quite often with the excuse;

“the Wangsheng Funeral Parlor is running quite slow today, I wondered if you’d like to take a stroll around the town with me, possibly have a look at the stalls”

Kaeya

This flirtatious bastard,

He’ll always think of ways to make you malfunction. You’re a regular at Angel’s Share as well?: “Ah so this is where all the pretty ladies are kept hm?”, followed by a drink he bought you. Any time he sees you walking though the streets of Mondstadt he’ll jog up to you and say: “Going somewhere m’lady? I could escort you if you’d like, maybe you’d care for a drink at the tavern?”. I can imagine Klee giggling to herself when she sees you as if she knows something you don’t…

“Sorry miss Y/n, Klee was told she can’t say anything, Kaeya made Klee promise - oh, you won’t tell Kaeya will you miss Y/n?”

Al haitham

This withdrawn boy…

He’d quite literally just stare at you from across the room until someone (Kaveh) nudges his shoulder, telling him he’ll scare you off if he continues. If you’re already aquatinted with each other he’ll most likely try and impress you by giving you book recommendations or talk about his findings at the Akademiya while you zone out and stare at his face for the next few hours. If you’re not aquatinted, he’ll saddle up to you and still give you recommendations:

“If I could just interject, herbal tea would be best whilst chamomile shall just make you drowsy, if you’d like I could show you how to make your own”

Childe

Ah yes, the cocky ginger,

I imagine he’d act like Kaeya, if he saw you strolling through Liue, Childe would stride up to you and ask if he could escort you to where you need to be with the excuse; “you can never be too careful” and this would become a habit to the point of meeting you once your shift ends to walk you back home. He’d also 100% spend his money on you no doubt, like Zhongli his excuse would be

“what’s the point of mora if I can’t spend it on a pretty girl hm?”

Itto

I hope you’re a dog person,

Because this is at your beck and call. One of the ways he shows his interest towards you is gift giving; you need a certain herb? Wait here while he goes and hunts it down for you, or maybe you need some meet? Don’t worry, he’ll quickly chase down a boar for you. And if you thank him a big smile when he delivers them? His tail could cause a tornado with how powerful his tail is wagging. Another way he shows his interest is physical affection; you’re sitting down reading a book? He’s there with his head on your shoulder, you’re both walking through town? He’s got a firm grasp on either your hand or your arm,

“what? I can’t let you wander off and get yourself lost, what would I do then? Who would hive me head pats?”

Kaveh

You wouldn’t even know he has a crush on you,

Instead thinking he’s just this friendly with everyone. Being an architect, no less from Sumeru, he would show and explain his ideas to you and ask for advice on what you think about them, sometimes he’ll deliver miniature structures to you that he made, for example: he once made you a wooden mobile (like a baby cot mobile) to hang wherever you please that plays music because he knew you had trouble sleeping or another time, he made you a glass wind-chime that would reflect the sun and cause rainbow rays to spread across your porch because you spend so much time in your garden. He’ll either make these as a thank you, a just cause, or he’ll make up a white lie and say it’s an experiment he’d like you to test run, always delivered with an excuse he made beforehand:

“Ah Y/n, glad I ran into you! I noticed the other day that you were struggling to keep on top of watering all of your plants so I made an automatic watering system! If it all goes well, I might start a batch of them”

—

－𝘬𝘰𝘪 𝘹𝘰

[cannedpickledpeaches]

Insert Your Name (7)

Mafia!Jade Leech x Mafia!Reader

Link to series masterlist!

Notes and TW: Jade doesn't care much about the hierarchy of the mafia when it comes to you. This series will have mentions of blood, violence, crime (kidnapping, attempted assassination, extortion), and harassment, as one might expect from a mafia AU. Please enjoy!

Tags: @guava-writes @itszzmoon @twstsandturns @myteacupisempty @rou-luxe @chikitasmol

It’s a common song and dance. Small organizations sometimes come to the Leech Mafia in hopes of garnering support for their coups. Walrus asked Jade to “lend” you to her. You’re more surprised at her audacity than her motivations.

“You’re trying to replace the Carpenter?” You occasionally see the leader of the Carpenter Mafia at formal functions. A tall, thin man with a disproportionately large head and wheedling voice. Friendly and charismatic on the surface, but known for his underhanded methods of luring people in, stranding them, and devouring them. An insatiable man who takes as much as he can get his hands on.

“Yes, so I humbly came to ask for help.” She places a hand on her chest and furrows her brows. “The Carpenter is a money-obsessed, greedy man who exploits all those who fall into his trap. I can’t watch him go on anymore. Call me a hopeful idiot, but I think with enough determination, even seven maids with seven mops could clear all the sand on a beach in half a year.”

If you were someone else entirely, maybe you would have fallen for her act. That pained look on her face and her poetic description of her tenacity could move a heart made of stone. However, you’ve spent a major portion of your life knowing Jade. You could recognize that duplicitous sorrow anywhere.

“What kind of mafia doesn’t have any suffering?” You won’t pretend the Leech Mafia is a good organization, either. There are monetary benefits, but mafias are built on cruelty, discipline, and fear of the pecking order. For example, if you dislike the way something was done, you have the authority to make sure the offending soldier who carried out the task disappears by sunset.

Walrus smiles. “I strive to create an organization where we can depend on each other.”

“And you want me to help you, huh. Is that why you told your men to attack me? It was a test to see if I meet your expectations.”

“You’re so cute, you know that? You ask questions when you already know the answer. I hope I didn’t upset you.”

No wonder why Jade looks so displeased. He likes to play pranks of that nature on you as well, but he becomes defensive when anyone else tries. What a hypocrite.

“I’m not upset.” As two-faced as Walrus is, you find that you don’t hate it. In the underbelly of society, this is what it takes to not only survive, but to claw your way to the top. In her own way, she is admirable. “Well, tell us what you want and what you’ll give us. This is a negotiation, right?”

“I’m just asking for the basics. Soldiers and weapons, that’s all. Can you spare me a hundred men?” She asks this nonchalantly, but surely she must know the weight of her question. One hundred men on land when the Leech Mafia operates mainly in the Coral Sea is a tall order. Such a number would impact your own operations in the Queendom of Roses. Again, this is expected. When you have more to lose in a negotiation, it is standard to ask for more than what you hope for.

“What a daring question. You are also quite the greedy person, Walrus.” Jade folds his hands on his desk. “Surely you have prepared something of equal value.”

“Of course.” Walrus pulls out a twisting gold wand inlaid with a red jewel. With a flick of her wrist, an image of a man appears in the air. “This is the man who cursed your parents, Jade Leech.”

A shadow passes over his face. This must be a bluff. How are you supposed to believe her when she declared such a thing without proof? To your surprise, Jade does not challenge her claim.

“That matches my findings.” Jade lowers his chin, his sharp gaze scrutinizing her. “What of it?”

“He’s dead. Carpenter personally got rid of him. No use for someone who managed to screw up an assassination, right?” She taps her wand to the image. It becomes a map with a glowing red dot south of the Coral Sea. “One of my friends has a Signature Spell that can analyze dead bodies. If we get his corpse, she should be able to figure out exactly what curse was cast on your parents. His body was dumped around here in the ocean, so you’ll need to retrieve it.”

Jade’s shoulders tense. You glance at the rigid line of his jaw. Softly, you place your hand on his shoulder blade. Calm down. A beat passes. He takes a breath and relaxes his muscles.

“Your proposal is hypothetical. There is no guarantee your friend will be able to deduce what spell was used. In the scenario which she does, there still remains the question of whether or not it can be cured.”

“It’s better than knowing nothing, right? I’ve been working for you for a month. I know there’s been no progress with your parents’ condition.” Her eyes glint. “Honestly, you should be happy to get any kind of lead.”

She has a way with words. At this rate, she will gain the upper hand of the negotiation. You stand still and believe in Jade and his silver tongue. He is not the type of person who will walk away from a discussion having lost more than he gained.

“You knew about the attempt on my parents’ lives, and yet you did nothing while under our employment.” Jade leans forward in his seat and stares her down. “Why didn’t you tell us you knew something about it? Withholding information from us until you can use it as a bargaining chip . . . I’m hurt, Walrus. It will be difficult for us to form a relationship of good faith anymore. If you had told us before it happened, we could have prevented such a tragedy in the first place. From that angle, is it not your fault that my parents were saddled with such an unfortunate ailment?”

Twisting her words and the situation until it benefits him is child’s play for Jade. No matter how contrived that reasoning may seem, at the end of the day, Walrus is the one who desperately needs resources from the Leech Mafia. As long as he does not forget who has the upper hand, he will certainly get his way.

“Of course,” Jade continues, offering her a way out, “I believe in second chances. If you take responsibility and pitch in to find a way to undo the curse, I will have no qualms in lending you my support in your upcoming coup.”

In the end, Walrus has no choice but to concede. There are other groups she could turn to, but creating good relations with the Leech Mafia can only help her if she wishes to gain influence. A weak, unstable group after an internal struggle is easy prey for older, already established syndicates to absorb. She needs their support to avoid a short-lived victory.

Walrus leaves with a promise of seventy men and enough weapons to supply them. As soon as she’s out the door, your mind drifts to the manuscript again. It briefly mentions that the Leech Mafia’s influence spreads after their parents wake up. Maybe this inner turmoil in the Carpenter Mafia causes that expansion. No details were ever given in the manuscript. When you read it over, you had the impression that the author did not have the slightest inkling towards the politics and inner workings of a mafia.

You find yourself stepping back towards the wall as you think. Your body yearns to curl up in the window seat in the attic. Part of you wants to hide up there right now and digest this information. There is so much to think about now. The division of resources, the men you’re going to lend to Walrus, the compensation for the lack of manpower in some of the Leech territory on land . . . .

A hand rests on your waist and reels you in towards the side of Jade’s chair. The perpetrator gives you an imploring look.

“If you need a space to sit, would my lap suffice?”

A few moments ago, you thought Walrus had audacity. Jade outmatches her.

“No, I’ll go up to the attic instead.”

“May I come with you?”

“Seven, you’re so persistent.” You heave a sigh and motion for him to shift so that you can sit comfortably on his lap. His smile grows unbelievably smug as you take a seat, purposely putting your full weight on him. He doesn’t show the slightest hint of discomfort.

It becomes easier to think when you have something pressed against your back. His arms surround you, providing a small space for you to retreat in your mind without any worries. Sturdy and secure like the face of a cliff or the trunk of a tree, safe despite the threat you know he is capable of being. No matter. You were the one who said you would trust him. And now that you’ve let your guard down, you find that you feel rather cozy.

“You’re being weirdly clingy today.” You notice he still hasn’t let go of your waist. “When Walrus asked for my help, you were so adamant on refusing. I could’ve gone, you know. We would’ve had a reason to lend her less soldiers.”

He huffs. “I have told you before. Have you already forgotten? There is no need for you to dirty your hands with filth.”

It takes you a moment to recall when he last said those words: outside Azul’s home while Floyd beat the living daylights out of Barry Moore. You should never have to lift a finger. Just keep making others do your dirty work.

“What’s your problem with me fighting every so often? I’m not against it.”

Jade rests his head on your shoulder. He’s been getting bolder ever since you promised him your trust.

“If you want to, I would not stop you. But I can tell you prefer to stay holed up somewhere and wrack your brain instead of using your fists. In situations where violence is necessary, you often order someone else to do it unless you are the only one around. Regardless, I would support you to the best of my ability whether you wish to scheme or massacre.” He sighs into your shirt. “I was already quite upset that I did not manage to stop Walrus’s men from ambushing you. It put our negotiations at risk.”

“You were going to refuse her terms just because of that?” It’s not like Jade to make such an illogical decision for something that doesn’t even bring him entertainment. In fact . . . “I would’ve thought that watching me struggle in a fight would be interesting to you.”

“Of course it is.” His chest rumbles against your back. Your eyebrow twitches. Laughter? The nerve! “But I would rather you struggle in a situation that I’ve created, which I can stop whenever I wish.”

“So you only like my suffering when you’re in control of everything about it?”

“Let’s not call it suffering. Challenging obstacles, if you will. But yes.” His eyelashes flutter against your cheek. “If it is ever necessary to truly put your life at risk, it means that I have failed in some capacity.”

You should be grateful to hear those words. But some part of you sours. Why is he so bent on protecting you? You aren’t weak. Your Signature Spell’s primary function is to shield you from physical injuries. Fighting comes naturally to you. In fact, when you met the twins, you were the one who fought for Jade. Sort of. You even extorted him afterwards. And in the Leech Mafia, it is your job to protect him.

“I don’t need to be protected.”

“You are correct.” He nuzzles his face into your neck. “You have survived for this long in the mafia. I don’t try to keep you from harm because you are incompetent—far from it, actually. I do so because you are too competent. You take on more and more difficult work, increasing your chances of getting hurt, but you do not stop and consider how seeing you injured may throw me into disarray—”

He suddenly pauses. You think you get the gist of it. His parents still lie unconscious in hospital beds. Perhaps a small part of him blames himself for not being careful enough. Even you sometimes lie awake wondering if there was anything you could have done to prevent it. If only you took that manuscript seriously sooner. If only you had been more vigilant. If only, if only, if only. Do you dare to assume he’s worried about you as well?

Jade’s fingers tighten on your waist. “I want to make sure you are safe and comfortable. If you will allow me, I will do anything in my power to ensure it happens. Scheme and plot, stew in your thoughts, give orders like a tyrant. I will be your hands and feet so that you never have to endanger yourself. It is only a selfish desire of mine that you will never be harmed.”

“So, if I’m understanding correctly, you’re saying you care about me?”

He chuckles. “Is it something that needs to be said?”

Answering a question with a question. Typical.

“Tell me properly.”

“Relentless as always.” He relaxes his grip. “I care about you. More than you think.”

“You said you wouldn’t lie to me anymore.” There’s enough sincerity in his voice that you don’t have to confirm. A part of you just wants to hear him say it.

“I was not lying, then or now.” Jade’s arms wind around your torso and hold you close. “I have always been truthful on this subject, and this is no lie, either.”

[hrizantemy]

I genuinely can’t stand how some people portray Cassian as this big, dumb idiot as an excuse for his behavior—like, please, this is a five hundred-year-old general we’re talking about. His experience and knowledge aren’t just thrown out the window because he has a big heart or a more “rough-around-the-edges” attitude. The guy has led armies, made tactical decisions that involved life or death, and survived battles that would break lesser people. This notion that his mistakes, especially with Nesta, can be excused because “he’s just too dumb to know better” is insulting. He knows what he’s doing; his actions are deliberate, and there’s more to his character than simply being clumsy or clueless. Treating him like he’s a bumbling fool only diminishes the depth of his experience and the weight of his responsibility. He’s not some naive, wide-eyed rookie—he’s a general, for crying out loud.

Some people act like Cassian has been in love with Nesta from the moment he met her, and that’s why his behavior toward her is so excusable—like he’s always wanted her and just couldn’t control himself. But the reality is, the moment he met her, he immediately started trying to get a rise out of her. He deliberately pushed her buttons, calling her names, being unnecessarily aggressive, and mocking her. This wasn’t the behavior of someone who had deep, heartfelt affection for her—it was someone who saw her as a challenge. Cassian didn’t approach Nesta with respect or kindness; he saw her as a way to prove something, either to himself or to others. The narrative some people spin about him always being “in love” with her doesn’t match up with the reality of his actions when they first met.

Next is that, sadly, I don’t fucking care if Cassian isn’t “good with his words.” You can say I’m cruel, but I don’t, because even in his head, he can go on and on about how much he admires and loves every other woman in his life—yet when it comes to Nesta, he’ll always get some metaphor or roundabout way of expressing his feelings that never directly says it. It’s like he can’t just say it to her face, straight up. He’ll go on about how much he cares, but he never gives her the same clarity or respect he gives to the other women he loves. And don’t even try to use the argument that he almost died for her as some grand gesture. Yippee, guess what? She almost died for him too. She fought, she bled, she sacrificed. So what am I supposed to do with that? Just nod and accept it because he did something once to show his devotion?

Cassian sacrificed himself for Nesta, sure, but let’s not forget the times when she was actively threatened with execution, or when Rhysand ordered Cassian to get her out of the city, and instead of stepping up to protect her in those moments, he punished her. When she was at her most vulnerable, he didn’t rally to her side or defend her in the way he should have. There were moments where he could’ve been her shield, where he could’ve used his power, his voice, and his position to protect her, but he didn’t. He chose to punish her, instead of standing in front of her and showing her that she mattered to him more than anything else. And we KNOW that he has the capacity to defend her—he’s shown it countless times with others, but when it comes to Nesta, there’s this barrier he erects, holding himself back.

He’s not a helpless, clueless idiot; he’s a general. He knows how to fight for the people he cares about, and yet with her, he lets his pride, his discomfort, and his own issues dictate his actions. If he truly valued her as much as he claims, he would’ve protected her from those moments, even if it meant taking a harder stance against the people around him. Instead, he allowed her to face punishment, and that speaks volumes about the way he’s treated her.

I can never and will never like Cassian, and that’s just the way it is for me. This isn’t me bashing people who like him, because I completely understand why they do. I can see the appeal—he’s charismatic, strong, and has this loyalty to his people that can be admirable. But for me, his actions, especially towards Nesta, leave too much of a sour taste. I can’t just look past the way he’s treated her, how he’s failed to be there for her in the moments that mattered most, and how he’s repeatedly let his pride dictate his behavior when it should’ve been love, care, and respect. I get why others like him, but my feelings won’t change—there’s just too much that doesn’t sit right with me.

[scratchtovoid]

Ok let me talk about this section of the Variety interview for a minute because this sounds like the direction I suspected they were going and I want to talk about why I like it.

[BOOK SPOILERS AHEAD]

So Daemon and Rhaenyra’s story ends in tragedy. It’s entirely build on this idea of distrust that festers under the surface and what distrust can mean to a person.

There’s always so much discussion on what family means to Daemon and it usually revolves around love and the idea of him loving or not loving his family. But what that discussion tends to miss is how Daemon sees himself within his family.

He’s not the outsider he paints himself as. He desperately wants to be accepted and valued by his family. It was the push/pull he had with Viserys and he’s continuing that dynamic with Rhaenyra.

And that takes on different forms, withdrawing when he feels rebuffed, lashing out when he feels misunderstood or underestimated, and pretending he doesn’t even care.

Except he does care. He cares a lot.

And then he loses his brother and immediately after that he fails to protect the boy he raised. A boy he clearly sees as a son.

“Oh but he wanted the ~Strong~ boys dead!!”

No. That’s your headcanon.

Look at the text! He said “A son for a son”

And I was hoping the show would start there because to Daemon he has just failed. All that bravado, preparation, violence, none of it actually protected his family. Luke was still murdered.

And Daemon is who he is. That feeling of loss and failure is going to come out as violence.

(I’m not justifying. This is character analysis. We’re her to examine not judge.)

So what happened when Rhaenyra’s distrust of him is added to that emotional fire?

The show needed to plant the seeds of distrust in Rhaenyra so that the eventual ending of this relationship made sense. Having her be paranoid out of nowhere would just give us that sharp turn into the lazy “Targaryen madness” narrative.

Rhaenyra is a mother who has just lost a baby and a son and is facing a husband who is likely not communicating with her, undermining her, lashing out at her for his own feelings.

And she’s a woman raised in a society where men are under no obligation to listen to their wives.

Of course she doubts.

But I don’t think this only results in anger and paranoia. I think the show is pivoting to something more introspective. To both clarify how these characters really feel about their relationship and their own ambitions and to set them up to be truly broken by one another.

Because the end of this is that Rhaenyra’s distrust of Daemon brings him to the point of giving up. To the point of sacrificing his own life to try and prove himself to his family and his queen.

The story needs to keep moving in that direction and these are the first signs of it.

[yuseirra]

ONK Relationship Parallels- an Analysis!!

In short, in terms of the Aqua-Kana and Kamiki-Ai relationship, it's actually Kamiki who's similar to Kana in that relationship while Ai is to Aqua.

Also, out of the twins, Ruby is the one who resembles the dad in many ways in terms of psychology and behavior, even compared to Aqua. Aqua is the one who takes after Ai in many situations and I find it really clever... they do take after both their parents, of course. But I think their base personality is that the daughter takes after the dad while the son takes after the mother.

I wrote about that aspect today! I think it's really interesting, so I'd like for you to read it!

While skimming through the "Oshi no Ko" manga, I found something really interesting:

If we try to compare the relationship between Kamiki and Ai to Aqua and Akane's relationship, it's pretty straightforward that Kamiki is in Aqua's position and Ai is in Akane's position. (To some extent, Akane has the feeling of wanting to protect Aqua, to take care of him, and to hope that he lives well.)

But if we compare Aqua and Kana's positions, it's surprisingly Kana who is in Kamiki's position, and Aqua who is in Ai's position. There are subtle parallels between them (an attempted/experienced sexual exploitation by an older person—though I'm not sure if this was intentional; the side who received a meal during a date (and Ai-Aqua being the one who doesn't usually dress up but does so for the occasion); the desire to be noticed by the other person—if we consider Fatal as Kamiki's song, there's a recurring theme of "look at me" in the lyrics, and that song is indeed associated with that character!! Kana is all about wanting to have Aqua look at her too; receiving praise from the other person for being "shiny"). And, of course, Kana received quite a bit of help from Aqua. However, just as Kana occasionally does so for Aqua, the idea of "pulling someone out of the darkness" fits Ai’s role concerning Kamiki.

Also, among the twins, I’ve had a vague sense that Kamiki’s personality resembles Ruby's more than Aqua's.

After reading Volume 13, that feeling grew stronger. Kamiki’s past is extremely tragic, and he brings misfortune with him. People around him die a lot. There’s something tied to the divine, perhaps? If you carefully read the manga, several comments hint that something is up with Ruby. If one of the twins is born with the talent of being a "star" and is befitting to be one, it would be Ruby. Regarding this, Kana feels an inferiority complex about Ruby, and Memcho also mentions there’s something special about Ruby. When Ruby decides to become popular, she draws everyone’s attention instantly, and even Miyako doesn’t doubt Ruby’s potential to rise. If someone was chosen by the gods out of the twins, it would be Ruby... Though it’s a given both were chosen. It does seem that both Kamiki and Ruby have some divine connection. They both lived extremely unfortunate lives, with people around them dying, while they survive. When it comes to them, events unfold in ways too peculiar to be mere coincidence. I feel like Kamiki's being cursed by a god while Ruby could be being favored by one, but the one cursing Kamiki might also be "blessing" him in an unpredictable way? Anyhow he's tied to "a star that ruins lives" if we take what Fatal is saying at face value- and I think we actually CAN at this point. Stars are so important in this series.

Ruby’s line, "I only bring misfortune,"(CH 121-122) is something Kamiki could likely say as well (if you look at that character’s life, it really seems like he drags misfortune along with him). Kamiki never mentions his family, nor they have any appearance in the plot which suggests that, like Sarina’s case, even if he had a family, he was completely neglected. (Their kid’s going through things, but what are his parents doing..?); the idea of working hard for years out of a desire to see someone again (if "Mephisto"/"Fatal" is indeed that character’s song); the longing to be loved...

If Ai were alive and they figured it out the way Aqua reveals it to Ruby, this character might have broken down and cried like Ruby did... The same could be said for Aqua, though.

Ai has a firmer personality, while Kamiki has a softer side. Even when Ruby turned dark, she couldn’t actually harm others. In that case, how broken could Kamiki be? It feels like he might have been indirectly involved in things rather than directly. If Ai were alive, she probably would’ve somehow prevented him from walking down a path that didn’t suit his nature (and from what I sense, she did ultimately defend him from completely going down that path through the video she's left). When Aqua shows the keychain and says, “This doesn’t suit you, so I hope you give up on this path,” Ruby immediately returns to having the white star eyes again. This is similar to how Kamiki pulls himself together after watching Ai’s video after the movie arc. The effect is almost instantaneous for both Ruby and Kamiki. Of course, if seeing that didn’t change his mind in such a way, it would’ve been ineffective in the first place...

Ai’s way of dealing with situations involves hiding her feelings... Though she smiles brightly, she kept a distance and hid things deeply. On the other hand, Kamiki pretends there’s no darkness, acting as if everything is bright, and approaches others cheerfully. This resembles how Aqua and Ruby deal with things, in that respective order. So, there’s definitely a part of Aqua that takes after Ai and Ruby that takes after their father.

(clarifying this after an inquiry: Ai and Hikaru's very similar in that they form masks and pretend they're happy and fine- that's what drew them together and it is what they share in common. The details about it are a bit different though. Ai grows distant to people while Hikaru wants to get attached to people. In terms of attachment theory, Ai leans more on the avoidant type and Hikaru is the anxious type. So Ai forms a mask to appear as if "she's okay" but fails to rely in others when she needs it- whereas Hikaru does that to receive love and affection to fill his emptiness. That's how he keeps approaching others but gets used up and exploited whereas, nobody in B-Komachi could become so close to Ai, nor have anyone really understand her and feel she was mysterious and secretive. In terms of this, the way Aqua and Ruby act parallels them. Aqua avoids letting others learn behind his mask and keeps his distance to keep them and himself from getting hurt, whereas Ruby tried her best to be a good child when she was Sarina. She was attached to her mother and craved love the way Hikaru was towards people.

+Amaterasu is the sun goddess, and I found that Sarutahiko, the husband of Ame-no-Uzume, was a native sun god worshiped in the region before Amaterasu. As the influence of the faction believing in Amaterasu grew stronger, Sarutahiko’s influence diminished, and he gave up his position. So, Ruby and Kamiki are both connected to the sun. The description of Sarutahiko having a shining body in their legends seems to be a remnant of being a sun deity. Kana is also compared to the sun, and as mentioned earlier, when comparing Aqua-Kana and Kamiki-Ai, Kamiki often corresponds to Kana’s position. Even their names start similarly with "Ka"- Kamiki and Kana, and "A." Aqua and Ai.

++ Aqua’s pattern of intentionally distancing himself from those he cares about (continuously pushing Kana away, trying to distance himself from Ruby) is similar to what Ai did with Kamiki. Kamiki also misunderstood and thought Ai didn’t like him, that he wasn’t needed like everyone else, and was hurt and saddened. That's really similar to the way Kana thought about Aqua although they made up pretty fast. While Kamiki and Aqua share similar thought processes, Aqua resembles Ai, and Ruby or Kana resembles Kamiki in the way they handle situations and the emotions they experience. It's fascinating and clever if you think about it.

There seem to be a lot of parallels. If this was done intentionally, the author is really smart...

There’s a lot to uncover in this manga if you look at it carefully. I think this manga is best read all at once in volumes. Then, surprisingly, the structure doesn’t seem bad at all. The author must have had a lot of thoughts in mind...

Tsukuyomi’s family also doesn’t seem to be very good, the way she briefly describes how they aren't so normal in CH127 and Ai and Kamiki’s family environments were the worst, weren’t they?

It makes me think that the families of gods or those possessed by gods turn out to be miserable. Do their families have a hard time accepting them for some reason? Maybe because the essence of these children is far from ordinary? In my opinion, the lyric "(Ai is the) reincarnation of the brightest star" wasn’t just thrown there. The English version of IDOL also mentions Ai being the "brightest star reborn indeed", "the brightest star is residing in you(Ai)" and Kamiki is probably similar to her in aspect… I think those characters' true essence is divine. The mythological elements fit together too well.

Maybe when Tsukuyomi selects souls to reincarnate she picks those with unfortunate family backgrounds for this reason? So many thoughts come to mind.

It doesn’t seem like these traits are mere coincidences.

+Based on the songs and subtle hints, it really seems like Kamiki was REALLY planning to die, but stopped after hearing Ai’s words…

Even though the hints are vague, does this character really have any reason to want to continue on living in the first place?; It feels like he was planning to do something related to Ai and then die, but after hearing Ai’s words, he couldn’t go through with it because Ai wouldn't want it. It seems like he stopped immediately and came back… That's... really sad.

The manga doesn’t show exactly what happened, but I think Ai probably did something for this character that’s very similar to what Aqua did for Ruby or what Kana did for Aqua (I don’t think it could be anything else).

Whether they’ll show this in the story or just gloss over it... I doubt it will be the latter, right?;; I really need them to depict this if they're going to throw songs like Mephisto and Fatal out there. I'm WAITING...

There's another analysis I wrote regarding WHY Ai contacted Kamiki through the phone booth but also reacted a bit harsh to the idea of reconciling: I wrote another post about it earlier, but I'll do it again!

It’s really important that Ai was the one who contacted her boyfriend first. I’m not sure if others think the same way I do, but the fact that this character reached out shows just how much she trusted and liked her boyfriend. I pointed this out even before Chapter 154 came out, WAY before, when I wrote my first analysis about her character. If she didn’t like him, she could’ve just continued to stay away. And it turns out that she didn’t contact him because she liked him too much—she disappeared because she didn’t want to be a burden. So, if she didn’t care for him/or cared about him- either way, she could’ve just stayed out of touch like she had, but why did she decide to reach out?

In short, it’s because she heard the kids talking negatively about their father. It wasn’t just because she was worried they were getting some bizarre ideas like her giving birth all alone without the dad(although that could have been part of it). Letting the father know about the kids and bringing him into their home was a risky move from Ai’s perspective. After all, she was calling a man she had parted ways with years ago into a home where it was just her and her two little four-year-olds. It would be difficult to handle any unexpected situation in such a state.

But Ai wasn’t worried about that at all.

Ai had a good understanding of Kamiki’s personality. She probably has way more information than the readers do, having spent so much time watching and living with him. So, the Kamiki Ai envisioned wasn’t someone who would ever harm her or her precious, carefully hidden children in any way.

On the contrary, Kamiki was someone she wanted to show the children to, someone she hoped could clear up their misunderstandings. When Ai talks about Kamiki, you can tell she really, really, really loves him. I know that’s true. It’s definitely true. The words that come out of her mouth is SO strong. You can't say things like that unless you find the other person so endearing, especially with someone who was deeply hurt by people by the way she was.

She thought it wasn't good for her kids to have a negative reaction when they think of their father, or to say things like “there’s no such thing as a man” when he’s mentioned.

Ai knew her kids were smart and figured they would get along well with their father if they met him. She thought they would accept each other well, and that Kamiki would like her bright kids too, so she contemplated it and then decided to call him, feeling it would be the better option.

If you think about it, back when they first met, Ai invited Kamiki into her home right away. She wasn’t wary of him at all… she treated him very differently from others. And nothing bad happened at that time either.

The conclusion we can draw from this is that Kamiki, in normal circumstances, could never harm Ai or the children. That character just can't do something like that, it's NOT his nature. Even though he was young, he would have turned out to be a pretty decent parent.

But why didn’t they stay together? Because a scandal would’ve hindered Kamiki’s future.

I noticed Ai only completed junior high school... It seems she dropped out after having the children... That’s heartbreaking.

Did Kamiki continue going to school?; Anyway, at that time, they were both still very young—neither of them had even turned 20. If they had officially gotten together, it would’ve attracted a lot of attention. Would it have just looked like they were dating?; Japan seems to frown heavily on idols being in relationships, right? I suppose it’s the same in other countries too?;

Ai left thinking everything would be fine as long as they weren’t linked to him, then raised the children on her own till that day. She eventually ended up contacting him again, however, to resolve the misunderstandings their precious children had about the dad... If they had gotten back together at that point, it would’ve made their breakup meaningless… I think that was what was going on her mind. She can't give the answer he wants and say they can get together in that situation. But she still wants to show him the kids. You have to think about that. It didn't occur to Kamiki either, and Aqua's "revenge"... well, I guess that's about him having missed her intent on that aspect. It's not entirely Kamiki's fault, Ai's really blunt about a lot of things and it backfires in a terrible way... but what she says can mean more things than one, it sometimes has more than what can be taken the way it's said in a direct sense. Ai is really caring. And she was really loving. "The god who loves people" is definitely linked to her in some way...

[urfavlarry]

So you have any hcs for Carmilla and her daughters?

hope this was what you had in mind!! enjoy<3

warnings: mentions of death, bad grammar

———————— general hcs ————————

to be honest a lot of people say that carmilla was a sinner but her daughters were hell born but i think other wise!

I think their family were apart of some mafia gang in italy and provided people with weapons (illegally ofc) and they just got unexpectadly jumped ome day, Carmilla protectinf her daughters until her last breath.

I strongly believe Carmilla was the first to die that day since she protected her daughters, trying to buy them time to escape, sadly they just weren’t so lucky and died just a few minutes after their mothers death. I think Carmilla swore to protect them in hell since she couldn’t do that in the living world and made her way up to the Overlord status, making the chance of people not messing with her family more likely.

I 100% think they have family game night and no one can change my mind. Though a lot of swearing most likely happens that night (obviously from Carmilla, her daughters just snickering at their mother’s tantrums.) But I believe Carmilla shows this side of her to her daughters only, keeping her composure in front of others to not seem weak.

I think Carmilla would be the type of mom that if you got her she would just say something like “Is it broken? Are you dying? No? Okay, well you’re fine stop being a baby.” LMAO

But she of course is caring and would tend to her daughter’s wounds but she acts like a strict mother, scolding and mumbling swears under her breath. But they know deep down that she loves them a lot.

I really think her daughters would cause mischief when they were alive. They would go around and steal and pick pocket tourists and mess up the old ladies laundry from next door, getting chased with a broom soon after that.

Overall i think their relationship is super sweet and that they just have the most normal one in the series haha (except for Charlie and Vaggie)

—————— Some reader insert hcs ——————

I think that Carmilla would find reader after an extermination, badly injured and she would just be like “Your coming home with me”

Her daughters would totally take you in as their sibling right away and would include you in everything. Making sure you always got some attention and make sure nobody messes with you.

You would 100% gossip with them and prank your mom together, having to run for your lives and pray she doesn’t beat what ever life is left in your dead bodies.

Carmilla wouls take you to meetings like her daughters, introducing you and warning the Overlords (Vox, Valentino) to not touch you if they value their souls. And I just see how Alastor sends you funny (and creepy) faces during the meetings and you just chuckle at the old Overlord.

I think Carmilla would try to teach you ballet, wanting to bond with you over something and gives you a proud look and hug when you manage to do a hard trick she has been teaching you for some time.

In general you guys would just be a family of chaos!

[liannelara-dracula]

Hello! If you are taking requests, can I get hcs for Reiji and Ruki (separate) about they realizing that they're in love with their S/O? Like, how they realize it, and when? What they do after? ❤

Hi Love,

Totally, I’m sorry this is late I’m trying to catch up. But here it is.

-Liannelara

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Prompt

Requests are open

Rules

⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯⎯

Reiji

It takes a long time for him to be in love, as well as admitting it.

But not to realize it.

Reiji doesn’t love easily, he’s a perfectionist.

But it doesn’t mean he cannot love.

He’d realize this after a long time, possibly years.

This is not because he’s dumb but because the relationship moves slow and he doesn’t believe in loving someone so quick.

So you earned this.

Anyways he realized this when being put in a situation where you were are hurt or put at stake because of his father.

Something like that would definitely touch him.

If you were going to get hurt, he just won’t stand for it.

To see you in such grief and worry, with your tearful eyes and shattered voice that would tear him into pieces and want to walk away from the scene but also hold you.

Even if you had been in an argument about something important that would allow him to notice how much it affects you, and that would take a toll on him.

Another thing that would test him is if his mother claimed that the girl he loves isn't worthy enough to be with her son.

This would cause Reiji to be angry with himself for not pleasing his mother but, most of all, putting his lover through this.

He’d be at war with himself, mostly because “Why did it matter to so much?”

To confirm his feelings, he sees this when he is happy with you. No matter what but as long as he is spending time with you it makes him feel at peace.

He's able to not think about his past, his family, or/and any discretions he has with others when he is around you---that right there is Reiji Sakamaki in love.

If you can make this man have a smile run across his face, then he loves you madly, and truly.

Before he figures to tell you he comes to terms with himself about how he should tell you this.

If you were his bride, he would deny his feelings in the beginning and try to alter his approaches in behavior believing he was only confusing himself with attachment and value, seeing that she may have just been obedient compared to the others. And that what he's feeling is not love but a value and respect for someone.

He is in denial for a little while and once he's figured it out he tries to deal with it on his own.

However, if he senses that you may have feelings or can no longer keep it to himself he will eventually confess to you.

Reiji generally does not believe in love, so if you can make him go back on his words he will be mesmerized.

Obviously, if you’re on good terms he will admit this to you in a timely fashion but more or so, he’d show it to you.

He’d confess to you at a ball where you were enjoying yourself by dancing. He smiled seeing you content, but tried to not give him self away when you caught his eye a couple times. Later, he’d pull you aside for a chat to tell you something alone in the dark in the courtyard of the castle.

"You have something to tell me, Reiji?" You'd ask, confused by why he wanted to speak with you.

The two of you mere inches away as he kissed you passionately before pulling away, “I cherish you so very deeply, my dear. I can't imagine unloving you.” He'd whisper, his hand caressing your cheek.

Ruki

Unlike Reiji, he was quick to realize that he cared about you deeply.

However, Ruki is stubborn, so he took forever to move forward with it.

He'd especially take long if this was a bride because this wasn't part of the plan to fall in love with her.

He'll act differently in the sense that he will distance himself and act colder to you because he doesn't want to be influenced by his feelings.

You are a weakness, and he is trying to change that about himself,

While at the same time your ignorance about his behavior only made things worse as figured he was upset at you which made you upset so you ignored him.

And then when this happened he was like great.

The more he spent apart he found himself wanting something which happened to be your presence. He wanted you to be there.

Yes, physically, you were with him most of the time but Ruki wanted you to not just be there but, with him.

He thought about this for a couple months before deciding to tell you.

Ruki realized he loved you when he always found himself saving you from any possible threat/danger that occurred with you around.

He found himself always at your side, protecting you unintentionally. At first, it was for sheer convenience.

But with all time you spent being at the Mukami manor with him and dealing with his stoic behavior and all your arguments. He came to learn so much about you, so much that he could love, so much no one else knew. It felt special to know so much about a girl who was a mystery to everyone else.

Ruki realized that both them weren't so different after all.

And no matter what he thought of you whether it was at school, on his own time, when reading books, etc. You never seemed to leave his mind, it began to be a problem for him.

He could never not protect you, he found him self stepping in.

He claimed it was because you would cause trouble.

Overall, he came to the point where he gave up on keeping secrets.

He'd confess mostly through action rather than words.

Ruki would be much more intimate and whisper to you that you mean so much to him.

"

However, he may also admit this firmly if the moment is crucial and you have angered him or you are in some situation to which you have fueled him to give into what he wants, so he just gives up and confesses to you in an aggressive makeout session along with blood being drawn.

"I can't stand this anymore." He'd say being fed up with his feelings and giving in to them.

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

˗ˏˋ 𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑚𝑦 𝑤𝑟𝑖𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑖𝑠 𝑜𝑟𝑖𝑔𝑖𝑛𝑎𝑙 𝑏𝑢𝑡 𝐼 𝑑𝑜 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑐ℎ𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑐𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑠 ˎˊ˗ ©𝟐𝟎𝟏𝟔~Present

[i-really-like-phrogs]

So I watched Beetlejuice Beetlejuice, and I have some thoughts.

(BIG SPOILERS. If you have not watched it yet, do so before reading)

I didn’t have any expectations for this movie. Sure, I wasn’t thrilled that it was actually going to exist and was no longer a rumor; but I went in with as blind expectations of it as I could so I would take it at face value.

I nearly cried, several times—in the theater, and the entire ride home afterward… and it did not have anything to do with emotional beats.

I will be very honest, I’m really disappointed with how this movie turned out. They had everything going for them: The original actor, directors, the use of puppetry and special effects… but it just felt felt flat and washed out.

The biggest problem was that the story had zero focus. There were lots of good ideas: I loved the character of Delores, I was interested in learning about Beetlejuice’s past, Astrid and Lydia were okay… Except they were all just brushed over and added nothing to the story.

The scene where Astrid met her father and they reunited and he told them to take care of eachother didn’t make sense to me, because Lydia was just pretty much there, and Astrid was kind of a brat for no reason??? Yes, she hates her mom because she’s ’always talking to shitty ghosts’ or whatever, but why not do more with that? They should have put way more attention on Astrid and Lydia in my opinion, showed more of them actually trying to bond, because the end scene felt rushed and undeserved.

Also, the characterization just did not make sense. It was all the same faces, but none of the characters bounced off eachother or had any chemistry. They all felt flat, less than one dimensional. It really felt like an SNL parody of them rather than an official movie.

And the lack of ENERGY in the movie? Please do not get me started! They were trying to do lots of funny things with visuals and whatnot, but there was no heart to it, or campiness with something to say. you laughed, but it didn’t resonate with you because it just felt like it was thrown at you to try and cover up the fact that the story itself had no legs. Why was Delores even there when all she did was suck some unimportant characters, only to get eaten by a sandworm? Why didn’t she cause any problems to Lydia, or heck, even to Beetlejuice? I hate to say it, but you could take her out of the movie and nothing would change!

Grrr, grrr grrr… This movie made me very sad, because it forgot everything about the heart and goofiness that made the original special. The fact that most of the better fanfiction I have read does a better job of capturing this and their characters makes me angry to no end!

I’m sorry for being so mad. I will have some nicer things to say, but as for right now… I am going to take up my offer on pretending this movie doesn’t exist.

The movie was disheartening, but it doesn’t change how much I love the original as well as the other adaptations. I will adore every second of the original, there will still be cartoon doodles all over my sketchbook, the musical will still be on my bucket list of things to see live.

If anything, I can let it inspire me to create my own version of these characters thirty years into the future. Fanart is a valuable skill eable way to build on an idea and learn new skills, plus it helps me figure out what I do like in a story and what I want to avoid.

I will have much, much more to say… but I think that’s it for now.

[idontmindifuforgetme]

how to reach out to a friend you haven’t spoken to in almost a year? things ended weird, but I think about her every day

Just be honest. This happened w me and my ex best friend. Our friendship ended on a horrible note, we didn’t talk for a year, then she hit me up out of nowhere and we ended up having a mature conversation about it and reconciling. Of course, that’s the best case scenario. I’m not really that much of a grudge-holder, but she could be so it’s not always a guarantee she will be receptive to your efforts—which honestly doesn’t really matter bc you lose nothing. She’s already out of your life. If she chooses to come back into it, great. If she doesn’t, yeah it’ll sting but at least you’ll know that you stayed true to your feelings. You’ll know you acted on them instead of letting fear of rejection keep you frozen. And you’ll move on and live your life without her just like you already were doing. Your heart isn’t going to spontaneously combust just bc this one person on an earth of 8 billion wasn’t keen to be friends w you. It’s a “the worst already happened” kind of situation. Either way your life will not change drastically from what it was before.

I get anxious about this stuff a lot too. But I try to remind myself that in 100 years we’ll all be dead in the ground anyway, so there’s no point spending our limited time on here playing mind games and not speaking our truths (within reason; you don’t want to go around being inappropriate bc of this, but I think most people understand where that line is drawn).

I’m only 21 but I’m already very much of the mind that I want to only say what I mean and mean what I say, and I’m only interested in surrounding myself w people who do the same. Generally that means I’m a very blunt communicator (bc being vague and playing w my words aren’t worth the effort to me) and I take what people say at face value 99% of the time (bc I don’t want to go guessing what they actually mean—I’m a busy person and I’d rather occupy my mind w other things). If it turns out they weren’t being truthful, which a lot of people my age typically are not, then that tends to take care of itself bc I don’t buy into that kind of thing. I suggest you adopt a similar mentality just so you don’t waste a lot of time overthinking other people’s actions and being in your head. We only get so much time on this earth. Just be honest w yourself, be honest w other people, and act w good values.

[starsofatlantis]

nurse she’s out again

I’ve been thinking a lot about who Treech and Lamina are and their relationship to each other and mostly the downfall of it. I wanted to put all those thoughts down into one place and I always enjoy reading character analyses so I thought I’d share!

To preface, this is my own personal take on them and an insight to the way I write them in fics. This is entirely the movie side of them. I enjoy their book versions, but the movie created a very compelling relationship that I have yet to move on from. I would love to hear other thoughts and opinions so please don’t hesitate to share if you feel the need to!

To start, I view them as childhood friends. There are a few options of how I think their relationship could have gone (that is to say developing into a romantic relationship or staying friends) pre-hunger games, but I know that in all of them, they care deeply about the other.

Individually, this is how I write them:

Treech:

To me, Treech is the oldest of two younger sisters and the burden of that is a defining part of his character. His entire family is still intact and that also weighs heavy on him. I think he lives in fear of what could happen to him, his family, and everything he cares about. This leads to an attempt at trying to care about as few people as possible. He tries to keep his head down and mind his own. He keeps everyone at arms-length. He has friends but they are shallow relationships and only viewed as people to spend time with. He will not do anything to put his life and his family’s life at risk. They get by and in that world, have a good life. He is not going to be the one to ruin that. He has not lost anything of value in his life and in turn, that makes him terrified.

Treech has never lost anyone. He doesn’t know how he would react to grief. It terrifies him because he’s never done it. As much as he tries not to he loves deeply, but he is so afraid of loving more than necessary because he has never lost, and when you live in the world they do, losing is inevitable and simply a matter of waiting.

I view him as a slave to self-imposed duty, someone who would sacrifice anything for the few people he loves (*cough cough* his own innocence), as well as someone with an unhealthy dose of self-hatred.

I think Treech is constantly fighting with himself. His dislike for himself, his inability to allow himself to be close to people and his unwavering kindness and sense of duty are in direct opposition of each other at all times. Everything in him is always fighting to gain the power and it really is just a matter of what day it is as to which trait is the strongest.

He is not consistent with his thoughts and feelings and switches up very easily. He’s hard to get a read on because you think you understand him and you do but only for that moment because the next minute he feels the opposite way.

I think Treech views himself as uninfluential and not really someone of any consequence, which to me is why he becomes so infatuated with Lamina.

Lamina:

Lamina lost a mother during the war, and later two older twin brothers who were rebels and died because of that. It is just her and her father (which in my head also meets the headcanon of why she is better dressed than Treech; family of two vs. family of five). Where Treech has never lost anyone he’s loved, Lamina has lost nearly everyone. While a lot of times this would make someone cold, it makes Lamina even more determined to relish in the things she values. She loves, and she refuses to lessen that love just because she may lose it.

I think when you lose someone, it forces you to face not only your own mortality but also everyone else’s. Lamina takes that mortality and instead of being scared of it promises to make the most of it. Not only that but I think it makes you even more confident in your own strength. If you can get through the loss of someone you love, I think there are very few things you can’t get through. Lamina knows this and she knows how she reacts to grief. She trusts that she has the strength to love and lose because she has done it— multiple times— and she has survived.

I think Lamina is wickedly smart and enjoys learning. I view her as someone who is extremely emotionally intelligent and mature, but for all her confidence in her strength, I think she is also insecure. Typically, I find that people with that kind of maturity at such a young age are ostracized because their peers simply aren’t at that level yet and most of the time what kids don’t understand they label as weird. I think Lamina became very used to the feeling of being alone and at times fed into the notion that her differences were bad. I imagine Treech was the first person to ever treat her intelligence as something that is simply “cool” and not something that makes her incapable of being a kid.

I picture Lamina as someone who is cohesive and a flowing picture of all of her different traits. She accepts each one for what it is and allows it to do its job in her life. She tries to always be better but she doesn’t drown in her faults.

Notice how above I say often “this is what they think about themselves”. They think certain ways about themselves when the opposite is true. Perspective!

In actuality, Treech is strong in his devotions and uneasily swayed from them. He views himself as weak-minded when really he is so stuck in his views he cannot change. He believes that keeping everyone at arms length will keep his heart safe when in reality it does more harm than good. He thinks he is of no consequence to anyone, tries so hard to not cause any trouble, yet makes an impact on every person he’s come into contact with. I believe Treech’s number one character trait is that he is kind. It’s in his nature to help and I think he physically cannot stop himself. It’s just something that happens. It’ll be one instance that he thinks means nothing but means everything to someone else (i.e. being kind to Lamina as children is something he doesn’t even think of because “anyone would do this” yet none of their peers had ever done it before). He thinks he’s inconsequential but he impacts people without even knowing it.

Lamina believes she is unnerving to others when in reality she has that kind of spark that makes it hard to look away. Think about those people who are inexplicably infatuating. So yeah, in a way she is unnerving, but only because you can’t help but notice her. She’s an enigma who’s been labeled as weird.

However, I don’t think they are that different from each other. Instead, I think it is the way they go about those similarities that make them different.

For example:

Treech is kind and he wants so badly not to be. Lamina is kind and wishes she were more so. Where she sees her kindness and empathy as a strength, Treech views his as a weakness.

I think they both are intense about their love, but where one runs from the strength of his love, the other does everything she can to make it stronger.

They both are fiercely loyal. Treech tries to limit that loyalty to his family, but Lamina wishes to give it to everyone.

The ironic part about this is that the traits Treech sees as faults in himself he sees as otherworldly in Lamina. (Perspective 😍)

I picture Treech to have almost in a sense placed Lamina atop a pedestal. She is everything he wishes he were; open, free, and believing in good. Lamina in his eyes is something he is unworthy of, but also something he thinks would ruin him should he ever lose it. She is something to be protected but never touched.

This is so unhealthy though, because it’s impossible to be in a relationship with someone you don’t view as an equal.

Lamina, however, grounded sweetheart that she is, views Treech as human. She adores him for all that he is— good and bad. She adores him for his kindness and for his fearfulness. Lamina values Treech because she values every living being. But she loves him because he is Treech.

However, the downside of this is that I imagine she lets him get away with many things because he was the first person outside of her family to be kind for the sake of being kind. I think Treech would reject a lot of her attempts at getting closer and refuse to admit how much he cares about her. I think Lamina, who is so declarative with her love and wants the same back, is only able to look past this because she convinces herself that the only thing that matters about him is his kindness. Kindness she has been a firsthand witness to and kindness that impacted her at a young age. She’s seen the good in him and refuses to let that good be outshined by all his bad, even if that means becoming a bit of a doormat for his bad habits.

Lamina grows to love Treech over a period of time as she forces herself to push past all his flaws. Treech loves her in an instant because he can’t help himself.

This plays into the part above where I talked about how Treech thinks he doesn’t impact anyone when in reality it’s impossible for him not to and how Lamina has that quality about her that forces everyone to at least look at her.

When Treech shows Lamina that first act of kindness as kids, he impacts her life in a way that makes it impossible for her to not want to know him. Lamina inherently has that quality about her, the quality that makes people want to know her, and Treech, guarded, closed-off Treech, is unable to escape her pull.

In my head, there is literally no world where they don’t immediately mean something to each other, because it is literally engraved into who they are. Treech impacts everyone, Lamina forces everyone to impact her.

In a perfect world, Treech goes to therapy for his self-hatred and Lamina gains a little bit of self-worth (i.e. tells Treech to figure his shit out instead of taking it out on her) however they live in Panem and that is not possible.

Thus their downfall.

[loving-and-dreaming]

like our father j.p

like our father j.p

James Potter x reader

A look at your relationship with James through the eyes of your daughter.

Word Count: 3.5k

a/n please be kind☺️ I’m trying to get better ❤️

James and you were sitting on the couch talking about how great your days have been. He worked and finished a big project with Sirius, and you got everything done off your checklist and aced your meeting. All of the happy talk stopped when the front door slammed open. In comes your little angel Noelle, and her bigger sister Maydalyin. In an instant Noelle stomps up the stairs and slams her door. James looks to you then you both look to May, hoping she has some answers as to why your little angel is clearly upset. “May, love, can you tell your mom and I what has made Noelle so clearly upset?” James asks in his normal soft and caring tone.

“Well at school today, she asked some boy to be her valentine with a note she worked really hard on. She even asked her teacher to teach her cursive to write his name. He said no and ripped up the valentine infront of her and threw it on the ground. It didn’t help that it was in front of everyone at recess. He also went back to his friends and they all started to laugh at her...” May sits down next to you and curls up into you, she may not be your little angel anymore but she will always be your angel, and explains with a sad look on her face. Your heart breaks for your little girl and clearly James' heart because he goes to get up. But May sat up straight, “dad could I try talking to her first. I think I know why all this happened and I think I know what to say.”

“Of course, bug. What makes you think you know why it happened?” You asked her in a soft voice as well, unsure of what she is going to say.

May sighed because she feels like her sister is her responsibility and feels like she failed her “Well she saw the valentine Jake got me, and asked me what it was. So I told her when you like someone on Valentine’s Day you give them a card and sometimes small gifts. She asked how you know what to do, and I just told her that you think of the person and what they like and that’s how you know. I didn’t think she was going to try it! She just seemed curious.” Knowing how serious May takes her older sister's responsibilities, you both decide to let her try to see if they can work through it without your help. Much like all older siblings, May likes to think everything is her fault, James and you make sure to tell her that’s not the case, but it’s something she enjoys doing. Her and Noelle are best friends even though they are 8 years apart.

May slowly walks up the steps, debating the two ways to go about this. Explaining how boys are gross and she needs to wait or explaining how to look for the right kind of boy. She really doesnt think the first one will be beneficial. So it looks like she is going to go with how to find the right guy(praying she doesn’t go looking anytime soon ). May takes a deep breath before knocking on Noelles door. Peaking in before she fully walks in, she hears no signs of disagreement and takes this as a good sign. Of course the first thing she notices is Noelle on the bed and gives her a small smile, she only gets a small hmmmm in reply. Looking around the room is a blast from the past everytime she comes in here. She and her sister are so close that a lot of Mays old stuff is now Noelles, not because they live off hand me downs but because that's what noelle wants. And in this house her parents make sure they know the value of something, not by how much it costs but by how much it means to you. Her barbie posters on the wall, her small vanity set where mom taught her learned how to do her hair for the daddy daughter dance at school, her old bed that she marked M+K for May plus ken from barbie, her old pink bedspread that the dog ripped but dad learned to sew to patch it back up because she didn't want to live without it. This room holds so much history, but also so many new things. The most important thing is her baby sister sniffling on her bed right now.

Out of nowhere Noelle cries “I just wanted a boyfriend like you! Jake is so good to you, he even takes care of me too and gets mom and dad presents all the time! I want that too!”

Once again taking a breath and sitting down next to her sister, “Woah noelle, when I was your age, I didn't have a boyfriend. But I also know how frustrating that statement is. So instead of just saying that, how about I tell you how I found the right one?” With a nod from her sister she begins to tell a story…

You just picked up May from school and were on your way home. James should still be at work when you both get home, so in the car you and her are making plans to surprise him. “Momma can we cook him smiley face pancakes, like you and daddy make on my birthday?”

“Sure bug, should we do it with chocolate chips or with blueberries?”

“CHOCOLATE CHIPS MOMMA, DUHHHH!”

“Okay chocolate chips, anything else?”

“Can I draw him a picture when the pancakes are cooking?”

“Of course you can, bug.” by now you both were pulling into the driveway to see James car already there. However this is not too unusual because at lunch, he and his best friend Sirius (who happens to be Mays Godfather along with his husband, Remus) come home and eat at the house. Then they carpool back together in Sirius’ car. After work he rides home with Sirius as well, because to get to his house, Sirius can drive the back way by your house. Therefore in both your head and Mays nothing was wrong. But when you walked in all that changed.

The smell of spaghetti(the family's favorite meal), the sound of music, and the sight of the clean laundry all put away and not on the couch where you left it shocked you. May took off to the kitchen screaming for James while you rebooted for a moment. Taking in the smell of dinner already cooking, the chores you knew you had waiting back at home already done, and most importantly your husband and daughter home and happy propel you forward. Walking past all the clean clothes, you take a look at the picture on the wall. It is your wedding day, little things like this remind you that on that day, even though you both were so young, you made the right choice. Being with James has never been a hassle, yes you fight but in the end he is your other half. Shaking yourself out of your thoughts you finish walking into the kitchen when May yells out for you to hurry. When you walk in the next scene almost brings you to tears, there in the middle of the kitchen is James holding May and May is holding a bouquet of red roses. She wriggles and turns clearly wanting down so James sets her down, and she runs to you as fast as her little legs can carry her. Squatting down to reach her level you engulf her in your arms and whisper to her that you might have to surprise daddy another day. She ignores your comment and proceeds to shove the roses in your face telling you they are from daddy, once you have them she takes back off to James. Just then you see her holding a smaller bouquet of pink roses and smile at James. Slowly walking over to James and your daughter you hug them both and say with a hushed tone “Thank you my love. I love you-”

“I love you too daddy!”

“Yes sorry May and I love you James. This is a wonderful way to come home. Thank you so much my love. This is exactly what I needed today. Thank you for dinner and for finishing the laundry and for the flowers! They are wonderful and we love them, right bug?” May nods really fast and tries to get into your arms wanting to smell both bouquets at the same time.  

“Well I know you woke up upset and still had all the chores to do when you were done with errands and picking May up from preschool so I wanted to remind you how much I love you and appreciate all you do around the house and for us on a daily basis. So you deserved to be spoiled and of course I couldn't forget my bug,” he leans in and kisses her face all over making her giggle. “I'm glad you like the roses and upstairs there is the stuff for a small spa time and I will finish dinner. I love you both and go have fun.” He leans in to kiss you and kisses your daughter's head one more time. Then he pushes you towards the stairs with one more I love you.

“Okay so dad got mom flowers, big deal.”

“You are missing the point Noelle. I knew what guy was the right guy by seeing how dad treats mom. Think about it, dad still surprises mom with flowers and spa days for us girls, and they have been married over 10 years and have two kids. He loves her and always surprises her with flowers and other things. What about the notes! I remember the first time I saw the note to her, I mean we always get notes in our lunch, but did you know they write notes to each other as well? Thinking back it was totally not appropriate but, like most things, it went right over my head,\.”

“No… what kinda notes?”

“All different kinds, some on post its around the house, others on the mirror after a shower or bath. One day…”

Making May and Noelles lunch is something you weirdly like doing. Knowing how similar but different your daughters are. However you never do it alone. James is always in there making breakfast while you make their lunches, both girls still asleep. Finishing up with the food, you move on to your favorite part. It is something silly you and James started doing when you were just dating. Leaving little notes in each other's lunches or frankly all over the place. Your personal favorite is the notes in the lunches. You always surprise him with a new note. In the middle of writing the last note James pulls you flush against him. Catching on to what he is wanting you start to sway in his arms.

In a soft voice you remind James that if he ignores the eggs they will burn and you all will be late to school and him late to work. “Eh, the girls won't care about a little black in their eggs, and the bacon will be a little crispy. Let me have a moment just the two of us.” Your kitchen is not huge by any means, but big enough to do a few circles in. Dancing is a huge thing in your house. It most likely stems from the fact that dancing is something James and you did all the time before the girls. Now that you have the girls dancing is still a huge part of your lives. Whether it's dancing in a circle, or dancing close with just one or both of the girls. For the record both of you love your daughters with your entire being, but you never really got to be a married couple before children. So these little moments where it is just the two of you are rare treasures. Just dancing close to each other without music, sometimes with music. Typically it will be early in the morning or late at night when you get these moments. Your house always has dancing(like we said it's a big thing in the Potter house), giggling, and sometimes music. Today however it was the quiet before the storm. No music. No girls. No crazy giggles. Just soft smilies and loving eyes. Closing your eyes and just feeling the moment with James, you know it will end soon so both of you just soak up as much of it as possible. The alarm goes off letting you know it was time to wake up the girls. With a groan you leave the comfort of your husband's arms to go wake up the monsters you call children. Walking back down the stairs you see breakfast is all done and James finished packing the girls lunches. Rushing over you want just one more moment in the comfort of James’s arms, giving him a kiss you quickly part when you hear the sound of little feet running down the stairs. With a look to James you both prepare for your calm morning to turn hectic.

Time skip to the end of the day

Getting home with both girls, one from school and the other from daycare, is in one word: crazy. May grabs her stuff, with your help, in the meantime you balance a baby on your hip while carrying in her stuff and Mays stuff she couldn't grab. May runs up ahead of you and makes her way up the steps. Not even a moment later she is hollering for you, you tell her to have patience and you are coming. When you arrive you notice a note taped on the door. May is already rambing and telling you all the possibilities of what it could be. She tries to jump up to grab it, but it is a bit too high,, so you pull it off to read, “I will always be by your side. Or under you, or on top of you, or behind you on my knees for you”, you go bright red at the note, of course you know who it's from and you understand the note, but you have a child jumping up and down wanting to know what it says. Before you could stop her, May quickly grabs the note out of excitement. You are not too worried, seeing as she can read but those innuendos are going to go over her head. In her mind her daddy just wrote a nice note to mommy and now she knows what she will be doing until dinner time. She is already listing off everyone she is going to write notes to: you, James, Noelle, her friend, her teacher, her babysitter, her two godfathers uncle siri and uncle us(this is what the girls still call remus because May couldn't say Remus so she settled for us and it just kinda stuck). Once you open the door she is off to go write all her notes.

“So you see Noelle, you can’t tell me you haven’t noticed how good dad is to mom.”

“You mean how he is always telling her that she's like wine, getting better with age? Or how he tells her every morning how hot she is. Which by the way is kinda weird…”

“Exactly! And you will get used to it, it is a daily occurrence. But also don't you see how he always kisses her on the forehead whenever one of them leaves a room. Their love started with friendship and that is how it lasted so long. I remember Uncle Us and Siri telling us all the funny stories from before they were even together!”

Noelle sits up feeling a bit better and mentions “Oh wait or how every Friday is date night, sometimes with us but sometimes on their own! And how on game nights he always lets her win, you think they'd let their children win, but nooooo it's always mom winning.”

“See you get it now. There is one more story I have to share with you and you should remember it because it was only two years ago!” Before May finishes her statement Noelle Leans up against her and they cuddle while May tells the story of their last road trip.

Planning a road trip when you have two daughters and pets is a hard skill. But James is such a big help. He got Sirius and Remus to watch the dogs and house while you both picked the different camp sites you wanted to stay at and all the attractions you wanted to see in the area. Now all that is left is packing. Which is where you shine and honestly take over, the one time he was in charge of packing he forgot all of the medicine and you had to turn back around. This is the first road trip since they were little little, and you hate to admit it but you are struggling a bit. Of course your lovely husband knows this and makes fun of you the entire time. He comes into the living room where you have everything set out and says with laughter in his voice “ you made fun of me when I forgot the medicine but how do we plan to eat if you leave all of the cooking supplies here! And not to mention the clothes, y/n we need more than two pairs of underwear for a ten day camping trip.”

“Oh hush James, I was on it. At least I didn’t forget the medicine that you know keeps us alive,” you throw one of the pairs of underwear at him and stick your tongue out at him. Being the goofball that he is, he sees an opportunity and takes it, he surges forward and bites your tongue then moves to kiss you. What neither of you realized is that the girls were standing on the stairs watching the whole thing.

Eventually everything was packed and everyone was safely in the RV. James is driving, you are sitting upfront with him trying to find some good tunes to listen to when driving while the girls chill in the back playing a board game. You find what you wanted and land on Billy Joel, both of your favorites and start belting out the lyrics together. The girls are horrified and call you both oldies and to play some real music. To which James and you both flipped them off and told them this is real music! The rest of the drive was filled with lots of singing and giggles.

Once you all arrive at the first campsite, everyone's a little tired. James pulls in and before anyone else can move he hops out to open your door and the girls door and bows like the weirdo he is. He helps all of you down while kissing all of your hands. You would think he would be upset being the only boy, but this man takes it in stride and treats all of you like royalty. He gives the girls the job to find some good firewood while the two of you set up for dinner. The first night dinner is going to be the classic hotdogs on a stick with marshmallows as dessert. After the good food and last laughs the girls call it a night and go to their bunk. James and you stay out cleaning up and just enjoying each other's company. Of course in the beautiful simplistic atmosphere of the campsite you have to do what you do best. Dance together with no music. Again this is not the dancing and laughter filled dance parties you have with the girls. No, this is simple and soft. He is swaying you two to the wind and humming softly in your ear. This quiet yet loving moment reminds you of prom and how you danced at prom together before you even were together together. Again you have some stinkers for children that like to get out of bed and spy on mom and dad. May and Noelle are watching you and James from the window by their bunk. Both of them wish for a relationship just like their parents.

“So here is the thing, Noelle. It took me forever to find Jake. But now that I have he treats me just like a queen and royalty. Not because I told him to but because I saw how dad treats mom and I found a guy that treats me the same way.”

James and you turned the tables on the girls and are now spying on them. Listening to May lay out your life like that has you leaning into James’s side and kiss his chest. You love your family. You love your husband. You love not only how treats you but how he treats your kids. He is your love and your heart is breaking for your baby girl, but you have a good feeling about the talk May and her just had. You are so lucky to have an amazing husband and even better children.

[cowgurrrl]

Please, Let Me Go

Summary: “In all these years, you never believed I loved you. And I did. I did so much. I did love you. I even loved your hate and your hardness.” - Tennessee Williams [1.1k]

Author’s note: This one goes out to @lets-be-gay-for-the-angel who loves Adam as much as I do 🫶

Warnings: Pre-Joel, probably incorrect wound care, PTSD symptoms, mentions of nightmares, “maybe in another life, we’d be happy”

2006

“You gotta be more careful,” Adam says as he wraps your forearm in gauze.

“It wasn’t my fault.”

“Did I say it was?” He asks, raising his eyebrows at you, and you sigh. You cut yourself on barbed wire coming back into the QZ after a run, and Adam caught the blood on your jacket before you could hide it. He sat you down at the kitchen table with the first aid kit and gentle hands. The yellow kitchen light shines against his messy brown hair and the square, taped-together glasses on his nose. “FEDRA’s getting antsy. That’s why the barbed wire went up. I just want you to know what’s up.”

“I know.” You say, and a ghost of a smile floats over his lips.

“Then, don’t shoot the messenger.” He teases. You roll your eyes, and he kisses the clean bandage covering your stitches to make it up to you. You grab his hand and run your thumb over the unset fracture in his metacarpal bones that only you can still identify. He smiles and scoots his chair closer to you to fully relish the sudden attention.

“Jane asleep?” You whisper, and he nods.

“Told her you’d tuck her in before we went to bed.”

“Good.” You say, copying his smile, as you lean in to kiss him. It’s lazy and the most unromantic of situations, blood-stained towels lingering on the table, but neither of you cares. You squeeze his hand and pull away to kiss his cheek. “What story d’you guys read tonight?”

“Cinderella,” he says, and you hum. There aren’t a ton of perks to smuggling, but sometimes you do get cool things like the battered old copy of fairy tales. Jane loves hearing them as much as Adam loves reading them. He says it reminds him of when he did story time with his kindergarteners. “She asked if that’s how we met.”

“At a ball?”

“Oh, yeah. She’s convinced I found your glass slipper, and that’s why I wait up for you when you go out without me,” he says. “To make sure you’ve got all your shoes or something.”

“God, I love her so much.” You groan from the cuteness, and he chuckles.

“She’s a good one.” He says.

“I guess, one day, we’re gonna have to tell her how we actually came to be.”

“Tell her all about how you rejected me after our first date.”

“I didn’t reject you. I said it could be confusing for her.”

“And I said kids understand more than we give them credit for.”

“You’re such a teacher.”

“You love it.” He says, and you take a deep breath. Your hand slips in his momentarily, but he doesn’t let you get far. “What?” He asks quietly, like he’s scared of you getting too distant.

“Do you remember your first impression of me?” You ask, and he smiles.

“Of course I do. I remember thinking you were beautiful and strong and smart. ‘S why I asked you out in the first place.”

“And after the Outbreak? What’d you think of me then?” You ask, a little hesitant, and he nods.

“You really wanna know my first thought when I saw you and Jane walk into the shelter that day?” He asks, and you nod. “I thought there might still be some good left in the world if you two were in it. And you don’t have to believe that. I know you probably won’t, but it’s true.” You try to take his words at face value, but you can’t. You think it might always be like this. You don’t know if there is a way to change it. “Do I get to know what you thought of me? Before and after?”

“I thought you were sweet and charming. And I remember thinking you were someone I wanted in my life just because of how you carried yourself. I was really disappointed when you were Jane’s teacher and not because I thought you were a bad teacher.” You say.

“And after?”

“I think… I remember how shocked I was that you were even alive. And I wanted to ask if you were okay and how you’d made it to the QZ, but I was so focused on Jane. I still am,” you say. “I’m sorry. I should’ve checked on you.”

“I probably wouldn’t have even told you what happened. I wasn’t ready.”

“I don’t know if I’ll ever be.”

“You don’t have to be,” he squeezes your hand. “I just want you to know you’re not alone. We all had to do bad things to stay alive.” You shake your head and look down at your feet to avoid his eyes. He doesn’t flinch. He’s gotten good at dealing with your emotions and weathering them with you. You just wish you could find the words to talk about them. “You’re not alone. We can talk whenever you’re ready, and if you’re not, that’s okay.” He says again.

“I’m trying. I just-“

“I know, I know. I know you’re trying. I’m not asking for anything else, okay?” He asks, and you nod. “I just need you to try with me.”

“Okay.” You whisper, and he kisses you again.

“I do wish we would’ve gotten to go on more dates before everything. Real dates. Not just drops or stitching you up when something happens.” He changes the subject, and you’re thankful he doesn’t push any further. He can see you’re not ready. He can see how grateful you are.

“What would we have done?” You ask.

“Everything. Fancy dinners, dancing, trips.” His smile is so genuine you can’t stop yours from forming.

“Trips?” You ask, raising your eyebrows, and he nods.

“Somewhere with a beach and not the shitty beaches near here. I would’ve taken you to a nice beach where Jane could dig in the sand, and you could read whatever book you wanted, and I’d make us a picnic and pack mule all our shit in from the car.” He says in a dreamy voice. He knew you had a kid when you went on your first date, but you never would’ve thought he imagined a life with the three of you.

“Sounds nice.”

“Yeah,” he sighs. “Maybe in the next life.”

“We still have this one. We can make those things happen,” you say without thinking, and he stares at you. “I can make them happen. I know my way around. All we’d have to do is go west. Can’t be that hard, right?” You feel him slipping for a moment and hold his hand harder to keep him close. He smiles a little sadly and squeezes you back.

“Let’s talk about it in the morning,” he says. “We’ll have dreams about the ocean and sunshine and sand castles. No nightmares tonight, okay?” You nod and let him lead you to bed, leaving everything unspoken between you at the table.

The nightmares come as usual, but there’s a promise of a day when they don’t invade your psyche like they do now. A promise of a day with sunshine and water and sandcastles. A promise of more time.