#you know he’s good at all the sex
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Misha During Osaka Con Day 1, Look at this beautiful man! That first post is totally not photoshoped … it’s definitely me, in a chokehold with misha 👀🥀🖤
Source - Various on Twitter, I have linked them all under my posts on Instagram.
#misha collins#misha fucking collins#meanwhile misha#castiel#destiel#osaka comic con#Osaka#Japan#misha#mishamigos#misha is king#just look at those arms just choke me daddy#zaddydent#zaddy af#damn zaddy#I can’t stop looking#supernatural#spn#man only gets better with age#you know he’s good at all the sex
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...Turns out gay sex actually was the solution.
(This is basically a redraw, come read the real deal over at Tiger Tiger)
#tiger tiger#jamis arlesi#arno#I like to think Arno meant that as an inside thought but it came out as an outside thought. He's rolling with it though.#He did cause a Catastrophic Yaoi event though.#Jamis my beloved. You have the heart of a maiden. The body of an Ox. The brain of a loyal dog.#This is a guy who's okay being attracted to another man but *NOT* aware he's in love or that he's bisexual.#We love him for this. My god. This man is crafted so perfectly. I need you all to at least give Tigers a chance for *him*.#I'm tricking you a little bit because you will actually also fall for Ludo and Luck and Remy and Honeyfoot and-#okay you get the point. There are so many amazing characters in this comic.#I just.. my joke comic of 'gay sex is the solution' feels so ominous now knowing a few weeks later that was going to be canon.#I feel like a jester and a prophet. I don't know if I should tell anymore jokes in fear of what I may predict.#I am putting my hands together for Ludo to get a good smooch in with [redacted] in dragon form.#Also predicting something very spooky is going to go down with the diving bell. We shall see!
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i vote that next year instead of reading Dracula we do a Jeeves & Wooster Book Club. those two never got the rabid tumblr shipping fandom they deserved (disqualified for the sheer technicality of being published a century too soon). we must correct this injustice
#jeeves and wooster#i want to watch tumblr go rabid i want to watch ao3 overflow with jeeves/wooster fanfiction#yes obviously the fandom EXISTS but it's a cozy little neighborhood#a handful of talented artists and writers doing their best to keep their charming little village going#but i'm tired of cozy i want this fandom TRENDING#I WANT TO SEE THIS ON MY DASHBOARD PEOPLE#i swear to you if they made a shiny new tv series tumblr would absolutely obsess over these characters. good omens levels of obsession#it's just such a great dynamic! the good-natured overly-trusting bumbling idiot in constant need of rescuing!#the stoic all-knowing genius who quietly masterminds mayhem in order to protect this one moron he's devoted himself to for some reason#jeeves as a morosexual is just such a beautiful interpretation of the original text#wooster as a happy-go-lucky himbo who stumbles his way into a relationship with a protective caring and supremely competent mastermind#the angst and social complexities of a same-sex cross-class relationship in turn-of-the century london!#oh AND half the stories are about jeeves helping wooster get out of engagements/desperately avoid marriage#two men who live together constantly scheming to maintain their bachelorhood. this is quite literally the main plot point#the gay subtext is there! the gay subtext is there and very ripe for picking!!!#this thing is LOCKED AND LOADED we can pounce literally any time
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I have what you're looking for. High quality. Befitting a man of my tastes. I have a room over on Divisadero, not too far a walk.
#iwtv#interview with the vampire#iwtv amc#daniel molloy#louis de pointe du lac#danlou#iwtvedit#tvedit#dailyflicks#*#dont know if i can articulate my thoughts well#but something about how daniel at first is so closed off from louis when he sits down near him#doesnt really want to talk at first but starts opening up pretty quickly#then louis is buying him a drink and it's easier to talk. mostly what he wants to talk about is his journalism work#because its so important to him. but when louis starts getting too personal (i know what you're here for danny) he starts backing off again#maybe some combo of shame for how quickly he felt attracted to louis and the flirting and the diminutive louis uses#the bartender uses it when asking if hes got money tonight. hes used to exchanging sex for things he needs but cant afford#above all it's like a sharp reminder of what louis wants & what daniel wants too even before the offer of drugs#and he's trying to hold onto the denial and excuses. it was a good place to score he did what he had to#sex with men has to be in exchange for something he can't just want it on its own#the lie he tells himself about himself#also these tags are getting long but i think you can see the moment louis decides he might not just fuck and kill this guy right away lmao
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“peeta is bisexual” you guys are losing the vision. peeta isn’t even straight. katniss INVENTED sexuality for him. whatever katniss identifies as, he’s like “yeah, i’ll take that one” no questions asked
#katnissexual#i’m joking btw#and i agree with yall#he says you’ve ruined all other women for me#yeah twink we know#the hunger games#katniss everdeen#thg#nightlocked-in#everlark#peeta mellark#hunger games headcanon#hunger games incorrect quotes#thg incorrect quotes#bisexual peeta#peeta what’s your sexuality?#idk#what do u mean u don’t know#i’ve never thought about it#well i mean… do you like guys? do u like girls?#he thinks for a second…. girl#just one#katniss he says#i’m convinced in modern au’s when he’s dating someone else he just pictures katniss when fucking and then feels horribly guilty for it later#peeta why don’t you look at me during sex?#huh? oh glimmer uh… i just get distracted by how uh… good it feels. yeah that haha#katniss was his first love in every thing and not only was she his first love she was his ONLY love#so he’s never even considered being attracted to girls besides her#so when he tries to date he finds girls that are objectively attractive but on a scale of 1 to katniss they are still 1’s to him#and that never stops being a problem
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One more time… Merlin didn’t owe anyone his secrets. No one was entitled to them, not even Gwaine. It’s like, actually bizarre that you will all call magic a gay metaphor and then die on the hill that he’s sadistic if he doesn’t tell anyone, as if it’s “harmful” to others if he keeps it a secret when he actively lives in a place where he will be killed for it. You are all embarrassingly susceptible to right winger anti-lgbtq logic and only surface level pro-gay. Except it’s ultimately a metaphor for religious persecution so uhh anyways… bite a brick
#you know in Love Simon how they treat it like a bad thing that he didn’t come out to that one girl cause he was ‘leading her on’ —#a phrase usually reserved for women who aren’t interested when a man wants to guilt-trip her into sex…#that’s how you all act#you act like that author + scriptwriters who thought that was a good idea#no one is entitled to another person’s body or private life or labor especially when they’re under the threat of *genocide*#ur all stupid 💀💀💀#painfully so#fandom critical#merlin emrys#bbc merlin#merlin meta#my meta
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funniest choice an author can make for their main character is that they're canonically terrible at sex. forget the heroes who can do it all, this guy can only do it poorly
#yes i just got to the jinna scene again#no one needs a reminder of how terribly that went#but its canonical that even nighteyes is better at controlling fitz' body for sex than our poor assassin#is the real reason the fool is content with loving fitz w/o any sex in their relationship bc he knows it wouldnt even be good? perhaps#realm of the elderlings#realm of the elderlings spoilers#i guess#fitzchivalry farseer#and we all know the reason starling kept visiting him was not his prowess#i mean. ''i doubt you would have been worth the wait'' aint no doubt about it actually
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Dkdkdkdks this is not a serious analysis in any way at all but the podcast I’m listening to has started going through Plato’s dialogues & in one of them (The Symposium) an excruciatingly handsome young man, Alcibiades, tries desperately to seduce Socrates with his good looks in the hopes of gleaning more wisdom from him. In it Socrates does get into bed with him, but all that goes down is Socrates ‘not moving at all’ and rambling endlessly on about philosophy. Idk I’m just pishing myself, this is just so incredibly Ratio/Aventurine core dndndndxndn
#Aventurine#dr ratio#HSR#dndndnnd okay so I need to read more about Alcibiades#apparently Socrates did assert in another dialogue that he was in love with Alcibiades but this was used in contrast to his more reliable#and deeper love for philosophy as to be expected as a the platonic ideal of the beauty of the soul over the body#but this just made Alcibiades more desperate to earn Socrates’s attention#Alcibiades was also apparently a shagger of mythical proportions#charming and slippery and chaotic#🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔#anyway I literally know nothing but the image is nonetheless making me pish myself#Aventurine trying so hard to get Ratio into bed and Ratio taking up this as a good opportunity to chat all night#I am NOT saying Ratio is necessarily ace or wouldn’t be interested / willing in exploring sex with Aventurine by any means but dndndmdm#not that would be a bad interpretation of Ratio either it’s just#sometimes you just want a good all night debate session okay???#rat piss
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Welcome Home Mini Comic: Homewarming
⚠️TW: eyecontact
[Read left to right up+down. No wierd combinations. No, I didn't look up their Homewarming clothing if you're wondering. I messed up.]
AAAAAAH oh boy the love I have for Eddie I CANNOT explain. LIKE HES SO LOVELY OUGHHHH favourite local mailman. <3
Idk if I made correct use of the image ID? I hope I did.
Hm... this was suposed to be a ramble about my guy Eddie but here, have a short fic under the cut.
He is just there. Uncomfortable. Very uncomfortable. The feeling of doom is there. Why. Why is home looking at him like that? What is going on? He wants to go home. He needs to go home. Does he have a home? He has his post office... does that count? Why is home looking at him like that. He needs it to stop. Stop. Stop it. Please. Stop. Oh? Who...? Frank? He can't talk. He realizes vaguely. His eyes go up. Frank... He needs to tell him... His vission is blurry and he feels overwhelmed. He feels... overestimulated..? He doesn't know. He doesn't feel good. Too much... he needs to go home... he needs... he...
And Frank gets it and goes to tell Wally that he wants to leave. Leave? On homewarming? Why? What's wrong? Because something has to be wrong if Eddie of all people wants to leave. So he goes check up on him. Of course he does. Barnaby close behind because... Why does Eddie want to leave? They don't know. But he isn't looking great. He is staring. Shaking. Sweating. Crying silently. That doesn't looks good.
Wally gets it. He would like to do the same. Because Home is now looking at him. Because of course it does. Just... staring. Meanacely. He feels the dread. A chill goes down his spine. Home... what did you do to Eddie...?
Barnaby, fortunately, catches up somethings off with Home. And that means Wallys distressed. So he puts a paw on his shoulder and asks Eddie. He doesn't answer. He tells him what he's going to do as he puts his arm to support Eddie and help him walk so he can go home. He is worried. Wally is worried. Frank is worried. Eddie doesn't look good. He shakes. He won't stop crying. He looks... terrified..? He tries to loose up his shirt. He needs to breathe. He can't. But he is. The others realize a bit too late that he is hyperventilating. Wally does only when he sees Eddie's legs wobble. But then he just... shuts down and goes limp. What. What. What. Why. Why. What. What. No. No. No. What. No. Wait. He can help. Yes. Bed. Bed! He needs... yes, yes! He in bed now. He better? What? What? He better? Please... He opens eyes! He better! Low sugar? More sugar then! He bring sugar. Yes. He better now?
Eddie tries to calm Wally with his words. He doesn't know what just happened. He just... sat down at that couch and suddenly was at Wallys bed, all neighbors worrying sick over him. What happened? He just... has this feeling... something changed.
#wally darling#i hate u#why dont you have eyebrows#why cant you not smile#you make my life so hard my little single bean on a plate#sally welcome home#doesnt appear here because i dont like her design (drawing her is a pain in the arse)#eddie dear#my beloved#i hopw everything bad happens to him but also please no#i love him so much#frank frankly#is such a nice guy#the way he worries over eddie OuGh#i know theyre suposed to be romanticaly involved in canon but until thats on screen my aroace ass says they all aroaces#they all love each other platonically very much tho. they very good friends.#a group romance/sex negative aroaces is what they are to me#yea...#barnaby b beagle#the best guy ever#howdy pillar#he is such a nice guy#hes on the background because he was with Sally and Julie while the others were over Eddie#he was supoused to help eddie stand up but barnaby took his place because made most sense#jullie joyful#is there for one (1) single panel but there she is#tw: eye contact#welcome home#home welcome home#welcome home angst
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Sure it's all fun and games Tav telling Astarion to "say please" and calling him a good boy before having sex, but he'd have a mini panic attack if Tav explained safewords and like actually gave a shit about his wellbeing in bed.
#rotating astarion thoughts around in my head like a salad spinner#i don't think he's ace exactly although trauma is a valid reason to be but i do think his feelings about sex vary a lot#and sometimes he might not be comfortable with it even in the best circumstances. sometimes it's gonna be too much#baldur's gate 3#bg3#astarion#lots of good smut but ngl i want more fics just processing this stuff. how to heal your trauma when all you know is pain and manipulation#maybe that means not having sex but also that's how his worth has been defined for so long so what then? uuugh#astarion romance
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Bonus 8: How met your mother (CSSR design by @qourmet!)
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#cangse sanren#wei changze#jiang fengmian#It was important to me that WCZ had the hereditary mole. I will die on this hill.#I have been *waiting* for the day to finally arrive when I could finally make this comic. It's been marinating for months.#My mission is to redraw all of qour's character designs one day. They are just *that* good.#CSSR has the vibes of a wandering menace who shows up in towns like a stray cat arriving at a new doorstep for treats. 10/10.#While YZY strongly leads us to believe that JFM was in love with CSSR and that's his whole motivation behind taking wwx in-#-I do think this is (once again) rumour being presented as reality. It's the juicer story to tell after all.#It is still possible that he did love her! But I think that story undercuts the relationship he also had with WCZ.#Yall ever think about how JC and WWX parallel their fathers? How Wei Changze also left the Jiang Leader's side? I do.#Unlike JC though It is far more hilarious and plausible to imagine JFM begging to be CSSR and WCZ's third. You know he would.#My wild headcanon is that JFM and YZY are in a mlm and wlw arranged marriage situation. Deeply unhappy as partners. Better as friends.#they care for each other and I'll admit that there is a beautiful tragedy in them having romantic feelings for each other the whole time.#But I am also here for the gaffs. Let them be unfulfilled homosexuals together.#Meanwhile cssr and wcz are having incredible hetrosexual sex in a bisexual way that WILL leave him pregnant by the end of it.
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You said that if you dated Peter or Wade it would make you miserable. Which– Okay fair, Wade does have a history of purposely hurting the people he loves.
But what about Peter? Why do you think dating him would make you miserable?
because I’ll always know I had the option to climb a 6’8 cyborg and I passed that up for a sweaty little twunk that I perpetually have to remind to bathe (sorry peter)
#I don’t know. I don’t think peter is good boyfriend material. I think his insecurities would get exhausting.#Wade has bottomless patience. me… I don’t know. I don’t think I could. I’ve got my own stuff going on. I don’t want a Project.#peter is definitely a project. and he needs someone with shed loads of patience and perseverance.#me I just. I wanna have a good time. so. come to me my big beautiful time traveller. whisk me away.#take me to the beach. you can disappear after I don’t mind I’m not needy. just spend a beautiful romantic week with me.#sci speaks#I don’t really know what kind of person I’m compatible with really actually.#all my relationships have been. pretty short.#and I don’t think it’s any fault of my own really. and I don’t feel any loss over them at all. like at all. I wish I did. but I don’t.#a sci has so very thankfully never felt heartbreak.#but it makes me kind of question what kind of person I am when it comes to this sort of thing.#because I really don’t know.#I don’t know if I want commitment. I don’t even know if I want sex these days.#I … weirdly… am so devoid of yearning these days. like I feel content right now on my own. I don’t even feel lonely.#I used to yearn but I think I’ve moved past it. and I kind of just want to have a good time.#and that doesn’t even . involve a relationship or anything anymore. like I don’t think I want one actually. it feels like I’m Over it.#it’s kind of great because I’ve never felt so calm in a long time. all because I decided that I don’t. actually Need anything.#I don’t need anything more than what I have. and that’s brought me rest after So Long being restless.#but if a massive time traveller came and whisked me away on sexy adventures how could I say no
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Both my parents actually suffer from HORRID emotional dysregulation and are prone to snapping and going into rages. My sister is the same way tbh. I am now realizing this is why they are constantly baffled by the question of whether or not I am mad at them.
I don't have external meltdowns.
I could. I don't let it happen.
I keep my rage on the inside and stay pretty quiet about it. It's just as strong as theirs [physically shaking nose bleed from high blood pressure kind of bad], but like as a kid I saw how terrifying it was to be around [dad breaking dishes, mom putting our lawn chairs into walls] and I just internalized that I wasn't going to wear that anger on the outside.
So my mother genuinely cannot tell if I am just being quiet or if I am silently hearing the dial-up noises of pure rage. This has lead her to both making strong and confident statements like "You are a pacifist who would never hurt a fly U.U" but also acting like I am secretly dangerous maybe... It's because she has never seen me snap.
She knows what her temper is like [throwing chairs through walls], she knows what my father's temper is like [pick up child and toss out door], and she can tell I am being tested, but she doesn't know what happens when I snap or where that breaking point is.
Her -perhaps unhinged- solution to this, my whole life, has been to do things that should obviously enrage me or shut me down completely, like ignoring important boundaries, repeatedly, punishing me for expressing emotions or needs at all, etc... And then to constantly ask me if I am angry with her when I get too quiet [right after near directly telling me to shut up].
It has occurred to me now, they have never once seen me lose my temper, so they literally just can't tell if I am angry at them. My sister is easy, my mother fights and screams with my sister constantly, my mother understands this. My mother doesn't have any grasp of feelings or boundaries that are not screamed at her [apparently, and I fear my sister is the same way]. Her and my sister are close despite constant fucking fighting because they understand each other.
They are trying to get me to engage the same way and it is not working. I realize now that this has been hard for them.
I was so successfully taught to suppress my emotions, by being punished for any outburst, that rage quiet looks the same as any other kind of quiet from the outside. To them anyway.
I did tell her. For the record. I used my words. I did tell her very calmly that my response to rage, in order to avoid doing the things that terrified me as a child, was to simply leave [the autistic urge to GTFO]. When a situation or person causes too much of the dial-up rage noise, I simply extract myself from that situation, up to and including never speaking to a person again. I explained this calmly. I explained it calmly 100 times and I explained that I explain myself calmly as my rage response 1-5 [also pretty much every other negative emotion tbh], and I told her that what came next was me simply opting out and fucking off. I told her this. I couldn't understand why she never took me seriously, or why she never fucking understood.
I couldn't understand what made her like this.
But it's the same problem I have with everyone else multiplied by a factor of 10.
If I am explaining myself calmly, they can't understand that it's actually serious or that I am actually upset. ESPECIALLY because they read me as "female" and women "aren't that rational" so if I am not screaming and crying about something, which I never do, people assume I can't be upset and it isn't serious.
And then after having my boundaries ignored too many times despite having calmly explained how and why it's a problem [shaking inside or not]... I leave. I leave and everyone gets upset like this is unexpected behaviour, even though I told them 50 times that is how I would respond if they kept doing *the thing.*
And for neurotypical people especially, they are expecting there to be a disconnect between what someone says they need or feel and what their actually boundaries and feelings are, and they expect the latter to be demonstrated with emotions. Telling them bluntly you do not function that way somehow never helps?
My mother isn't just looking for normal yelling or a few tears to know I am serious, whether or not I do those either [I don't], she's looking for an explosion to know there's a problem at all.
Fucked if I know how she proceeds through life this way in general or if this is just her expectation of her own kids???
And I couldn't get why my mother couldn't read my emotions and didn't seem to think I have any. It's because she's testing for the rage limit to see where my 'actual' limit is instead of taking my word for it. Never the fuck mind that she could simply *not* test at my boundaries instead of letting me have them. Separate issue.
I couldn't figure out what made her *like this*
She's expecting me to throw a giant meltdown violent tantrum at people when I have 'actually' had enough. Maybe she got away with those being like 5'4" in another time, but I am the size of the average man, I do not get to have giant screaming rages, whether or not people perceive me consciously as a woman, and least of all because a lot of people -at least unconsciously- read me as 'masculine' or at least always "they guy" of the situation compared to all other women and some men [bigger stronger and more rational, more able to just absorb the damage and let it go so the less rational screaming/crying one doesn't have to be dealt with]. Even if it was in me to be willing to terrify people [usually never], there are such limited instances where it wouldn't just blow back on me. Potentially very dangerously.
I am going to be the quiet calm one. You are going to have to let me use my words, bitch.
So she kept ignoring my boundaries until I had to cut her out of my life, and she probably doesn't understand and probably thinks it feels sudden -after 36 long years of bullshit- abrupt and unfair.
But I told her hundreds of times.
I probably should have just screamed at her.
#good stay out of our yard' and he didn't seem to know what to say to that#but other than that I don't think anyone in my adult life has ever seen me turn aggressive at all to the point where people 100% like to#play games of testing my patience and my boundaries because they think my tolerance is infinite#but like I have autistic rage tantrums on both sides of my family and they are just happening inside my head#And somehow it took me until now to realize that being that way was actually -expected- of me by my parents and especially my mother#and that by keeping myself outwardly level headed to be considerate I actually took away whatever signals she can understand#to have empathy for how I must be feeling#I mean it's still all on her#but it makes so much sense of why she's fucking *like this*#And why my sister thinks I hate her just because -she- stopped texting -me-#but that fucking guy#Every time I was like#In my adult life I have screamed at someone ONE whole time and it was 1000% deserved#And I threw heavy objects around one whole other time and in my defense I didn't do it in front of the guy he just felt the ground shaking#heard the thuds and came back to the logs blocking his path because that fucker wouldn't stop parking in our yard after being asked#and then TOLD not to about 10 times because he was acting entitled to just park in our yard and was crushing my plants???#seriously I don't know what his deal was but he wouldn't stop telling me how much the ground shaking scared him like it was supposed#to get my pity like I think this guy took one look at the logs I had just tossed down and was suddenly afraid of this “woman” he was#bullying in their own yard and so my ability to feel bad for scaring him had gone straight out the fucking window#I looked at him and said stop parking in our yard instead of your own you are killing my plants#he'd just fucking be like 'well the last people to live here let us D: :)“ and I'd be like ”good for them?“ ”stop“#and he'd just keep doing it#I was having a week of insomnia and was finally having the best dream#the kind of sex dream you have like twice in your life#and this fucker had just gotten some noisy ass little bike with a spoiler on it#and starts it up right under my window at 3am from IN OUR FUCKING YARD#so I had a nice long anger nap and just after he got home from work and was sleeping in his house#I picked up these chunks of deadwood tree from the back#there was like 3-4 logs that used to be a WHOLEASS fucking oak tree Like these logs were not as heavy as they -looked- but they were still#this fucker deleted half the tags I wrote and I am not retyping that fuck you tumblr so fucking hard
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one thing though that i thought was very interesting in tsc was how jeremy and kevin swapped some key personality traits the fanon associated with them. kevin being a grounded, stable pilar vs jeremy being (though well-intentioned & kindly) pushy and falling into codependency with jean like many of us assumed would be the inevitable outcome of kevin and jean reconciling. quite surprising!
#ill be honest with you babygirls im still grappling with jeremy in my mind#hes not much of anything to me#jean sucked all the personality out of him and thats not even a sex joke#i think jeremys highest points are when he is away from jean#and there are not nearly enough of those despite him being the other main character#but when he was with jean so much of it was him worrying about and cleaning up after jean#theres truly so little about him as a person#which i was a little disappointed by because tfc is remarkably good at characterization even of side characters#i know jean is a big personality and anyone put up against him will feel like stale bread but kevin and renee and neil held their own#just fine#i know his story is far simpler than jean’s will ever be but there are ways to go about it#unfortunately for me jeremy felt like neurotypical gansey#and that’s a dreary description#i was rooting for himmmmmmm i was rooting for him!#txt#jeremy#kevin#tsc
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He said "Fuck this shit, I'm out" I'm crying. Toriyama's Vegeta was so top shelf 🤌
(From Neko Majin Z Chapter 5!)
#dbtag#Idk why Toei didn't lean into Vegeta being a version of Piccolo you could put in funnier situations like Toriyama wrote#He's reserved and professional and proud but JUST immature enough to bite down on a gag that Piccolo would readily swerve#But they take a lot of Goku's chaotic comedy away too in favor of Hero(tm) writing and that is why I keep pulling my hair out aklsjdlas#Toriyama was sO funny and it bums me out so much that the anime derailed how lighthearted and straight up silly the humor is#and replaced it with Misogyny Is Funny and humiliation kinks asjklfhadjk and it's not just my complaints about Vegeta and Bulma!!#“Goku is running away from his very reasonable wife because he is a goofy little guy who doesn't want to do his chores” becomes#“Chichi is Cruel to Goku who is Trying to be a good husband because she doesn't relate to his passions and vilifies him for having them"#which is not their dynamic at all but dudes in the writing room are like “being married is fucking awful amirite fellas hahaha”#but Toriyama was like “Being married is not for everybody but it can be really great if you and your partner are on the same page”#Chichi's reasonable! And Goku isn't romantically wired but Goku can enthusiastically consent to sex and still not enjoy kissing#those things can be and are true for a lot of people! And it makes even more sense if you hc Goku to be aspec (and audhd coded) like I do#Kissing can feel gross and can be a sensory overload for many folks. Doesn't mean they're stupid or innocent.#(although Goku CAN still ride nimbus so idk what Pure entails in this universe askljad)#Like I am the FIRST person to joke and drag Goku about his marriage as an aspec myself but like legit Goten is a Last Night On Earth baby#He knows what sex is. But also between how socially removed Goku is and how Shy and Conservative Chichi it's not out of line#to assume the actual words sex and kiss have never been spoken in that house skljdlajdf I FULLY believe Chichi uses code words#Chichi thinks her son being blonde makes him a delinquent and still uses honorifics with Goku like it is fully reasonable to assume#that the joke of Goku's naivetè centers around the fact that his wife is too embarrassed to talk about Certain Matters in a normal way#While Bulma and Vegeta are slutty hedonistic cityfolk who need jesus (according to chichi probably...and me but I support them)#anyway. point is. Toriyama was funny as hell and Nekomajin is absolutely ridiculous and goofy and has a fully amoral main character#which just reminded me that toei is allergic to letting goku be a gremlin and so vegeta's not allowed to be a gremlin wrangler#even though that's been his job since the day he met raditz alksdjaskljd
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thinking about android kylar
warnings: robot/android stuff, any compsci nerds don't slander me for misusing your terminology ehhjfjsfs
Kylar returns your gaze, empty eyed and emotionless.
You can't stand it.
Sure, you originally bought him for security purposes—he was indeed an ai that specialised in surveying and property protection—but you felt horrible that he never even once smiled at you.
You're beginning to doubt that you bought him solely for security purposes. Maybe deep down, you were just lonely.
Always calculating your every movement, Kylar's pupils flicker from your face to your hands—probably some body language algorithm he's programmed to have–he stops once he comes to a conclusion on your mood.
"You're upset."
You scoff, rolling your eyes and leaning against the kitchen counter, staring back at the robot with a scowl that puts an elderly woman to shame, wordlessly saying 'obviously, you pre-programmed idiot.'
"Well, duh. You don't do anything! I spent like, $12,000 dollars for you to just sit around and look pretty!"
Kylar raises an eyebrow.
Something so simple and so human that it makes your heart slam against your ribs with each accelerated beat.
It's exciting.
"I monitor the premises and ensure you are not hurt. Despite the break-ins in your immediate area, your home remains unscathed. Am I not performing to your standards? If there are any issues you wish to voice—"
"God, don't spout that shit at me! Can't you just—I don't know—Have a conversation with me?"
Kylar blinks. Stares at you for a second longer than usual, the chips in his head working in tandem to create a solution to this new, grandiose problem. His hands twitch at his sides, and you're worried you might've broken him.
"A... conversation?"
You nod.
"Humans have conversations all the time, Kylar. Why can't you?"
Kylar's pupils dilate.
You've never seen that happen before.
"Are you... lonely?"
Coming from anyone else you would've responded with a slap across the face... But the word 'lonely' coming from your android is a completely different story.
You look down, gnawing at your bottom lip as Kylar's gaze never falters.
"I guess... I mean, I know you're for security and not companionship but—"
"I can be for companionship."
You pause, mouth agape at his quick response. You sound pleasantly surprised when you respond:
"You can?"
Kylar smiles. It's small and tight-lipped, clearly unpracticed and unused, but it's there.
"What would you like to talk about?"
#hatkuuasks#guys#i want to fuck him#i should write a second part where u have sex with him ...#surveillance bot kylar... who knows all of ur routine and thinks about u constantly while you're working away like a good little human#ai kylar who gets a superiority complex when he opens up to you... sees how clumsy and silly his cute little human is and decides that ur--#--his now :)#role reversal!!!#so hawt. ask me about this PLEASSSEEE#this is probably the most vanilla thing ive written on this blog dgjfgf#guys and in part 2 then he can get yandere and possessive and freakily strong and observant because hes an android and and and
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