#you just zap some guy out of his normal life because hes special to you ruin him for anything else and then move on with your timeless life

[vigilskeep]

oh yeah, apparently mystra has a habit of sleeping with her chosen. i don't think elminster is currently sleeping with her though? i think that was only after she had turned him into a woman, but i'm not super up-to-date on my elminster lore so i could be wrong lol

a lot going on in this ask. high content ask

[shirtlesssammy]

4x17: It's a Terrible Life

How have we not recapped this yet? Man, this one holds a special place in Boris’s heart -- even if it’s a Cas-less episode. (Natasha: I LITERALLY said the same thing.)

Then:

This is just gratuitous

Now:

Okay, by this point we know the premise of this episode. I’m just going to list all the Well Respected Man things Dean Smith does. 

He wakes up at 6:00am to an iPod. 

He steams his rice milk.

He wears suspenders and cufflinks. 

He drives a Prius.

He turns off the hard rock for NPR. 

Dean Smith is the Director of Sales and Marketing at Sandover Bridge and Iron. 

He types memos in Word.

He uses a headset to talk on the phone. 

He plays office mini-golf while schmoozing on said headset. 

He watches Project Runway (Ok, Dean Winchester totally watches that too, lbr.)

HE EATS SALAD.

He says the word ‘vis-a-vis’.

His boss Mr. Adler is very impressed with him. Good stuff!

He works late.

He is thinking of doing the Master Cleanse. 

He leaves at 5:30 (or really a couple minutes before, rebel!)

On the elevator ride out of the building, another passenger asks if he knows Dean. Dean, focused on his Blackberry, does not recognize the dude. The other dude won’t let it go and Dean tells him to “save it for the health club” before leaving. 

Sam Wesson works in the Tech Support section of Sandover. He mainly tells people to turn it off and back on again. Works every time! Sam and another buddy, Ian, head for coffee. They ask Paul, another worker, if he wants to join them. He’s busy working! Okay, okay, wait one moment. Paul got caught surfing porn on company computers and he still has a job!? WOW. 

Ian grabs some office pencils in the break room. (And we get a nice little intro shot from within the microwave….very nice easter egg for us second (and beyond) viewers.) He then asks Sam about the dreams he’s been having. Sam tells Ian that he dreamed that he saved a grim reaper named Tessa from demons. Ian finds that HILARIOUS. 

At his clown car sized cubicle later, Sam drifts off, only to have vivid visions of murder and monsters --and Dean’s in them. He bolts awake, and looks around disconcerted. 

Sam takes a walk and ends up in the same elevator as Dean again. They eye each other warily. Sam asks Dean what he thinks of ghosts. TOTALLY NORMAL ELEVATOR TALK. Dean hasn’t really given them much thought. Vampires either. Sam decides now is a good time to corner a perfect stranger and tell him about his CRAZY dreams. That’s what a journal is for, Sam! Dean dismisses this crazy man and exits the elevator. 

Sam starts researching (AW BABY) the monsters he’s been dreaming about. Ian interrupts him and tells him that he got an email telling him to report to HR. He’s not too worried as he heads off to his fate. Sam then hears Paul freaking out because he just lost a whole day’s work. 

Paul stays way past closing time trying to find his lost files to no avail. His breath puffs. They must turn the temp down after hours at Sandover. He heads to the breakroom, sticks a plastic fork in the door of the microwave and sticks his head in the microwave, and hits cook. GOOD STUFF. 

The next day, as Paul’s body gets carted away, the entire office looks on, including Sam Wesson and Dean Smith. Dean thinks there’s something weird going on. He looks up Paul’s personnel file (um, like whoa, how did he get access to that?) and learns that he was set to retire in two weeks. Curious. 

Sam is curious as well, but Ian is too busy working to engage. Dean calls Ian up to his office. Dean points out that there were just a few errors in a form he filled out yesterday. Ian is very remorseful. Dean doesn’t think it’s that big of a deal. He just wants him to fix the errors. Very un-Ian-like, Ian starts freaking out over his mistakes. Ian runs to the bathroom and Dean follows. He finds Ian staring at himself in the mirror. His breath frosts just before all the water and soap turn on. He insists Ian leave with him. Ian turns to look at Dean, and stabs himself with a pencil. GUH. Dean sees the reflection of an old man in the bathroom stall door as Ian dies. Dean calls for help. 

Dean is relaying the events to the authorities when he sees Sam looking on. Later, he calls Sam to his office. 

For Thirst Science:

Sam and Dean learn that they both started working at Sandover three weeks prior. (Dean! You picked a hell of a week to start the Master Cleanse!) Sam asks Dean if he saw something when Ian died. Dean doesn’t quite admit it but he saw a ghost! Sam wonders about the suicides. “What if these suicides aren't suicides? I mean, what if they're something not natural?” 

Sam brings up his dreams again. “So you're telling me that your dreams are special visions and you're some kind of psychic?” Lololololol. No, OF COURSE NOT. Sam shows Dean emails that Ian and Paul got that sent them to HR on the 14th floor --the HR office is on the 7th floor. Hmm. They decide to head to the 14th floor and room 1444. 

Mr. Blandface McBlanderson heads there first. It’s an old storage room. The air gets frosty, electronics buzz on. Sam and Dean rush down the hallway after hearing the man’s cries. The door is locked but Sam Fucking Wesson just busts it open. Dean is duly impressed. Sam is too. 

The ghost old man attacks Sam and Dean but Dean smashes him away with a wrench (an IRON wrench).

Decompressing back at Dean’s place, Sam longs for beer. “I’m on a cleanse,” Dean explains as he gets him a water. “I got rid of all the carbs in the house.” Oh DEAN.

At the end of this cleanse you chalk a pentagram on the floor, light a black candle, and barter your soul to get rid of those last five pounds

They compliment each other on their ghost fighting prowess. Sam “Boy Wonder” Wesson briefly tells Dean about how he feels out of place in his life. That’s SO MUCH oversharing, Sam! They decide to hit the research track. Dean finds………..the GHOSTFACERS. 

We montage our way through Smith & Wesson’s research, interspersed with Ghostfacer tips. A guy named Sandover turns out to be the ghost - a workaholic who lived for his company. Turns out he’ll kill for it too. They trace a number of historical deaths to Sandover employees. It turns out that the room with the ghost attack was Sandover’s office. 

The Ghostfacers continue to educate Sam and Dean on the finer points of ghost hunting: SALT. IRON. GUN.

Dean absorbs this, then wonders where one might even purchase a gun. Isn’t there a waiting period? Oh, sweet summer child. This here is the United States of America and it’s far too easy to get a gun. The Ghostfacers lesson continues...

Ed: The aforementioned super-annoying Winchester douchenozzles also taught us this one other thing. You have to burn the remains.

Harry: Okay, this next part gets a little gross. Sometimes you might have to dig up the body. Sorry.

Ed: It's illegal in some states.

Harry: All states.

Ed: Possibly all states.

Smith and Wesson return to the office to search for pieces of non-cremated Sandover. Sam gets cornered by a baby-faced security guard, leaving Dean alone to continue the hunt. In Sam’s elevator, electronics start to glitch. It’s probably nothing! The guard pries open the elevator door and crawls out onto the next floor.

The elevator slips and the guard falls victim to the blood cannon. Sam adds this incident to his list of Terrible Things That Happen in Elevators.

Sam and Dean reconnect by a historical display which includes Sandover’s gloves. Those gloves seem like likely candidates for remnant DNA...and in short order the ghost proves them right. Old Man Sandover zaps in as they break the glass. They fight!

Sandover looks like he’s got the upper hand, lowering his brain-zapping fingers to Dean, when Sam lights the gloves on fire. Sandover goes up like a torch.

Smith and Wesson are amped up after the fight! Sam wants to hunt ghosts full time. Dean scoffs at this. “How would we get by? Stolen credit cards, eating diner food drenched in saturated fats, sharing a crap motel room every night...You don’t want to go fighting ghosts without any health insurance!” Wise words. 

For Look at this Well-Prepared Sunshine Science:

Sam confesses that his hunting dreams featured Dean as well. “What if that’s who we really are?” Sam wonders. 

Dean defends the reality of his life. HE WENT TO STANFORD. His father’s name is Bob, his mother’s name is Ellen, and his sister is Jo. Excuse me. I’m just going to….stand outside my door and HOWL MOURNFULLY about this with the local coyotes. 

“We’re supposed to be someone else.” Sam tells Dean that he started at Sandover because he broke up with Madison - but now her number leads to an animal hospital. (I swear to god, I’m gonna chew off my own arm at this show.) Sam says that Dean’s more than just a corporate suit. Dean shoos Sam from his office. 

The next morning, Sam’s back at the daily grind. He steps back from his phone and then swings a crowbar at it, Office Space style. 

Upstairs, Zachariah smarms his way into Dean’s office and clucks that he looks tired. He’s heard good things about Dean and offers him a generous bonus.

Zachariah hints that a big promotion could happen in 8-10 short years of constant work and sacrifice. The joy in Dean’s eyes fades. Dean turns it down and tells Zachariah that he plans to quit. “I have some other work I have to do,” Dean tells him. “This - it’s not who I’m supposed to be.” Zachariah smiles and zaps Dean’s brain. The camera desaturates.

“My god am I hungry,” a confused Dean observes as Zachariah chuckles. (Stop reading Goop, Dean! Get off that cleanse!) Zachariah explains that he’s Castiel’s boss, and he’s on Earth to ensure that the Winchesters fulfill their destiny - as hunters! 

“You’re a hunter,” Zachariah explains. It’s in Dean’s blood. (I hiss at this.) And if Dean works hard enough, he’ll do everything he’s “destined to do. All of it.” GUH. Zachariah urges Dean to embrace his life. It could be worse, after all!

Semi-quote Kinda Life, Baby:

Good stuff

Did you try turning it off and then on? 

Look, man, I don't know you, okay? But I'm gonna do a public service and let you know that you overshare

How the hell did you know that ghosts are scared of wrenches?

I don’t believe in destiny. I believe in dealing with what’s right in front of us 

Most folks live and die without moving anything more than the dirt it takes to bury them. You get to change things

 Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

[maeve-writes]

Little Red Corvette

Pairing: TFATWS!Bucky x Reader

Rating: 18+; Minors DNI

Warnings: Fluff, some angst, public sex, slight praise and daddy kink.

Summary: Bucky finds happiness in fixing up classic cars. He has his sights set on one in particular. When he can’t find it, you make it your mission to do whatever it takes to get it.

a/n: This is written for @buckyblues 4k Follower Challenge. (Congrats again!) I chose Little Red Corvette by Prince. Normally I’m inspired by lyrics, but the idea of Bucky in a sexy red two seater with a pretty lil’ thing next to him made me weak. I wanted this to be straight up smut but feelings got in the way.

This is not beta’d. Forgive any mistakes!

-

When Bucky came to terms with his new life, found some peace in a world without Soldat looming over his shoulder, he found solace in his tinkering. He would often take apart whatever technology he could find to see how it worked only to put it together again. It was therapeutic, a constant reminder that things were never broken for long, someone would always be there to fix it.

You were the one to piece him back together. Sam helped, too, of course, tightening any loose screws you may have missed, but you did all of the heavy lifting. You found out what made Bucky work, what parts needed replacing and you fixed him. He would never be the original James Barnes, but no one ever stayed the same, and you didn’t want him to be. You liked the man you woke up next to every morning, who blinked at you with sleep hazed eyes and pressed lazy kisses across your face. You loved the man that ravaged you at night, on any surface, buried as deep as he could go so he could become a part of you, to feel you against his soul.

While you found his tinkering irksome at times, especially when he would steal the coffee maker or microwave when you were in a rush to get to work and just need to zap fry breakfast and fill up your thermos, it was mostly endearing to see his nose scrunched up in concentration as he disassembled things with childlike fascination. 

What broke you was when you flopped down on the couch with controller in hand and no console to receive its signal. 

Storming into the garage, you slammed open the door to find him hunched over his work bench. “James,” you hissed through clenched teeth. You could see his muscle tense underneath the grey henley he had on, his breathing stilled. Only two women ever used that tone with him, one was his mother, the other was you, and he wasn’t sure which he was more afraid of. When he didn’t answer, you leaned against the door frame and glared at the large frame of his back. “Care to tell me where my PS5 is?” 

His shoulder dropped slightly and he dared to look over it at you. Bucky had seen death, had seen war, had seen the near end of the universe itself and nothing made his blood run colder than the receiving end of your icy stare. “I’ll put it back together,” he offered. The grinding of your teeth made him flinch and he dropped his tools to cross the room and make things right.

It took two months to find a replacement for your beloved PlayStation. How could he have known how hard it was to find one in stock? Even when it came in and he hooked it back up for you, you still held out one more day before you finally caved and forgave him with a two day fuckfest that ended with a proposal that Bucky moved on from electronics to cars.

He took the suggestion and ran with it. The next day he and Sam went to the junkyard to find a good frame with potential and towed it back with that bright, genuine smile of his and an eagerness to get started. He spent days on the internet ordering parts, looking up facts on what modern modifications worked best, and watched video after video of reviews on classic sports cars.

You found him in the garage most nights when his dreams became too much and he didn’t want to wake you. Some nights you would bring him snacks with a kiss and leave him to his work. Other nights you would climb behind him on his bench, wrap your arms around his waist and sleep against his back. Either way, you allowed him to work because that’s what Bucky needed.

When he wasn’t off on a mission or wrapped up in you, he was researching cars or fixing them. After one was finished from the base up, he’d give it away or offer it to a charity auction, then start all over. He had his favorites, every “car guy” did, and he also had his white whale.

One night you felt him crawl up your body impressively hidden behind the spread of your book. You lifted a curious brow but before you could lower your novel, he shoved his tablet in your face as he took a seat on your thighs. “Every time I try to find one, someone snatches it away,” he told you, voice a little huffy as if he was seconds away from a tantrum. 

“It can’t be that hard,” you tutted, tucking your book away to help him with his search. It turned out that it was incredibly hard to find any sort of form of his new obsession. Every post that either of you found had been sold or had a sale pending. Even body frames were hard to come by, much to your luck. “I’m sorry, babe, but we’ll find one soon.”

Bucky resigned himself to finding a filler car. While he was still enthusiastic about fixing up something new, you could tell his heart was set on it - the 1965 Corvette Convertible, specifically, Rally Red in color. There wasn’t much that your man asked for in life, even though it owed him so much, so for him to yearn for one thing so much and not be able to obtain it, it upset you.

So, you were going to make it happen. 

You spent your days working as usual and your nights searching for his coveted car. Your browser was filled with tabs, each watching car auctions, only to be outbid on all of them. Frustrated, you flipped on your VPN, opened up your TOR browser and dipped into the dark web to dig deeper. It wasn’t your first time going through back channels to get what you wanted and it wouldn’t be your last. If it would make Bucky happy, it would be worth the risk.

Two weeks later you told Bucky you would be working later than usual. You had been playing up a huge project at work and the deadline was coming closer. He, of course, hated when you were out past dark without him, but he never vocalized his concerns because he knew the bite he would receive in return. You could take care of yourself, he knew that, but he would still worry because that was his job.

You took an Uber from work to meet the seller at the small airport on the edge of the city. The man was from Germany and specialized in vintage cars; if he didn’t have one you wanted, he’d find one for a hefty price, of course. But any amount was worth your man’s happiness, at least that’s what you tell yourself as you held the small bag of cash in your hand as you crossed the airfield.

Sitting outside what you assumed to be a private jet was the cherry red two seater, top already down and looking as beautiful as the picture you saw online. Yeah, it was going to be worth every penny. “Jonas,” you asked as you approached the man standing cross armed next to the car. He towered over you by at least a full foot and a half and was just as wide. His dark eyes watched you approach, a curious flint sparked in them.

“Yes. You are early,” he noted. He held out a beefy hand and you placed the money in it. “Not one for pleasantries, hmm?” His laughter echoed across the runway and you offered him an amused smile. “Your man is a lucky one.” His other hand was held out, this time with the keys to the car. “For you to meet a complete stranger in the middle of the night, it is dangerous, no?”

You narrowed your gaze and lifted a brow. It seemed your look was enough of an answer because Jonas gave you another laugh. “A woman of very little words, I like you. We will do business again, yes?” It was a statement rather than a question. “Enjoy.”

He swept an arm toward the driver seat and you slid inside. With a turn of the key, the car purred to life and a smile grew on your face. You revved the engine twice, nodded to the man a few feet away before you sped towards your house to give Bucky his gift. 

When you got home, he wasn’t there. You found a note left on the kitchen counter: Beers with Sam. -B

Normally you wouldn’t mind him going out because you were happy that he would be even willing to leave the house, but to only leave a note and not text you seemed worrisome.

You pushed any more negative thoughts out of your mind and headed to take a shower. By the time you got out and headed back to the kitchen to make yourself a quick sandwich, Bucky was home, sitting on the counter and watching you. “Hey, handsome, how’s Sam?” You leaned up to kiss him, but it wasn’t returned. “Something wrong?”

“You weren’t at work,” Bucky said evenly. “We stopped by to grab you dinner and you weren’t there.”

Your skin heated and you sighed. “Bucky, I can explain-“

He cut you off with a dismissive wave of his metal hand. “Don’t bother. If you’re seein’ someone else, you can just tell me.”

You recoiled like he slapped you across the face. “James,” you snapped, which caused him to tense up, “I would never, ever even dream of being with anyone but you.” You forced your way between his legs and cupped his face in your hands to make him look at you. “You are all that I want and no one will ever compare to you. Don’t ever say that again, okay? You’ll break my heart.”

He didn’t say anything, not for a few minutes, and neither did you. All he could do was stare into your eyes and see the truth in them. “I’m sorry, sweetheart. I shouldn’t have said that.”

“It’s okay, I know why you did,” you assured him and pressed another kiss to his lips, this time you received one in response. “Now, can I tell you why I wasn’t at work?” He nodded once, a tiny glint of worry still lingering in his eyes. “Well, I’d rather show you.”

You stepped away from the counter and pulled him along with you. With his hand in yours, you led him to the garage and flipped on the light with a, “Ta-da!”

“Oh, darlin’,” he breathed as he let go of you and stumbled into the room towards the car, all of the fear, worry and angst melting away instantly. “How did you-“ You pinched your forefinger and thumb together and twisted them in front of your pursed lips. He rolled his eyes but smiled and gestured to the driver seat.

“All yours, handsome,” you winked and hit the button to open the garage door.

He shook his head and patted the seat next to him, “You’re comin’ with me.” When you protested saying you were in your night clothes, he waved it off. “We’re just goin’ for a drive, sweetheart, nothin’ to dress up for.” You joined him with a reluctant sigh and flopped into the passenger seat. 

When the key turned and the engine purred, Bucky let out a pornographic moan. You turned to him, brow perked. “Sweetheart,” he rasped, “you have no idea what this car does to me.” Your eyes flickered to the quickly growing bulge in his jeans before his deep chuckle caught your attention, “Or maybe you do.”

He reached over to pinch your chin between two metal fingers before crashing his lips against your own. His tongue fought its way inside of your mouth and licked sinfully against the roof of it. “Buckle up,” he whispered against the gasp you released as he sat back.

Lightheaded, you did as instructed and watched him adjust the mirrors and lights before he pulled out of the garage and sped down the driveway and through the neighborhood. His face was bright in the evening light, his smile outshone the moon. “You’re gorgeous,” you told him breathlessly, and you would have most likely not been heard over the wind whipping around you by any other person, but your super soldier caught every syllable and flushed at the compliment.

He took your hand into his and brought it to his lips, kissing each knuckle before it came to rest on his thigh. You could feel the happiness radiating off of him, seeping into your own pores and filling you up until your lips turned up into a matching smile. “What’re you thinkin’ about,” he asked you, flicking his attention from the road to you and back again.

“You,” you replied, “always you.”

The smile on his face grew and he squeezed your hand once more. He found a new happy place, one outside of your shared home, one not between your legs. It was there, in that car, racing free down the open road with his best girl in the seat next to him. “I’m thinkin’ about you, too,” he said as his hand guided yours towards his lap.

“Mr. Barnes,” you gasped playfully but allowed him to rest your hand against his tented jeans, “we can’t do this, it’s sinful.”

“Live a little, darlin’,” he played along, forcing you to squeeze him which caused him to groan.

You pinned your bottom lip between your teeth and rubbed at him over his clothes, feeling the heat of his arousal coming off him in burning waves. Your fingers worked open the button of his pants and with a little maneuvering, you were able to fish out his cock, hard and thick, violently red and dripping with need. His hiss as it hit the cool air caused you to jump back for a moment, but his needy whimper drew you back again. “I swear to god, Bucky, if you crash and kill me, I’m going to haunt you,” you warned him.

He blinked, taken aback by the rather brash statement, about to ask what you meant by that but you were already unbuckled, bent forward and taking him into your mouth. “Oh fuck,” he groaned, metal hand gripping the steering wheel tight enough to pop the stitching on the leather coating. 

Your tongue swirled around his tip, gathering what leaked out before you flattened your tongue and took more of him in. He was thick and long, hard to take all at once, but you had learned from many hours of practice just how to get all of his glorious cock down your throat. Your hands worked what wasn’t wet with your tongue yet as you bobbed up to suck on his head and relax your jaw. “Feels like heaven, sweetheart,” he cooed above you, his free hand bundling up your hair to keep it out of the way. “Fuck, your mouth works my cock so good.”

Delighted at his praise, you hummed in return that sent sparks to his core. You took more of him in, nearly all of him, with your cheeks hallowed and your tongue dancing along his skin. More praise fell from his lips, encouraging words and filthy promises, you almost forgot you’re in the car until the tires started to hit the bumps along the white line - an indication that Bucky was veering off of the road.

You pulled off of him much to his disappointment and saw that he parked along the side of the road. “What’re you doing,” you asked, wiping your spit away with the back of your hand. 

“You told me not to crash,” he shrugged and undid his seatbelt. “Now get over here and ride Daddy’s cock.”

The words hit you dead center and you nearly collapsed from how weak and needy they made you. “We seriously can’t do this, Buck, anyone can come by and see.”

“That’s livin’, darlin,” he replied. His flesh hand wrapped around his cock and started to pull on it, staring at you with half lidded eyes and a groan rumbled in his throat. “Are you gonna just sit there and stare or are you gonna enjoy the ride?”

Absently, you licked your lips and watched his hand work himself and honestly felt a little jealous of it. That was your cock, it was your responsibility to make it feel good. Thoughts of getting caught and thrown in jail over public indecency were thrown out of the window and you crawled over to him, losing your sleep shorts on your way over.

“No panties? That’s my good girl,” Bucky grinned, his hand moved from himself to your hips as you climbed into his lap. “Been thinkin’ about this pretty pussy all day.” He hungrily licked his lips and reached between your bodies to run his fingers through your folds, drawing a gasp from you. “Absolutely soakin’, hm? Been thinkin’ about me, too?”

You nodded, your pussy clenching around nothing as Bucky’s fingers teasingly danced around your hole. “Daddy,” you whined, desperate for any sort of attention, “please?”

“What do you need, sweetheart,” he purred, his thumb ghosting over your clit as your slick began to run down your thighs. 

“You, Daddy,” you answered, hoping that was enough. “All of you. Only you.”

Bucky seemed to be happy with that and slid two thick fingers inside of you. “Such a greedy little pussy,” he hummed, slowly pulling them out again as you whined above him. “You need to be filled, don’t you, baby? My fingers won’t be enough.”

Your teeth dug into your bottom lip once more, threatening to draw blood, when you shook your head in response. “Need your cock,” you told him. “Please.”

“Always askin’ so nicely, sweetness, how could I deny you?” He twisted his fingers inside you one last time before he held himself steady so you could line up. “Sink down on Daddy’s cock like a good girl.”

You steadied yourself with one hand on the headrest of his seat and the other was used to guide his tip towards your core. Once he slipped inside, your hand shot up to grip at his shirt as you lowered yourself with satisfied moan which was nearly drowned out by Bucky’s. “Too big,” you sighed, seated and feeling stretched and full.

“But you’re takin’ it, darlin’,” he smiled up at you, his skin flushed and covered in a thin layer of sweat. “You’re doing so good.” You preened at his compliment and returned his smile. “You move when you’re ready.”

You took the time to adjust to angle and his size, leaning down to exchange a lazy kiss. When you parted for air, you shifted your weight to wrap your arms around his neck and raised your hips to slide up his cock only to slam back down with a moan.

“Is that how you’re gonna to play it, sweetheart,” he asked breathlessly. When you replied with the same harsh roll of your hips, Bucky growled and his hands found your hips. You could feel the bite of his grip against your bone, you knew the bruises it would bring in the morning, but it would be worth it. “Can’t have a nice, slow fuck in the car, can we? My girl needs it hard and rough.”

He shifted his legs to plant his feet firmly on the floor of the car and started to meet your hips with a harsh snap of his own. Delighted at the feral snarl that curled his lips, you increased your speed, bouncing on his thick thighs as he fucked up into you, a growl erupting from him with each meeting of your hips. “Yes,” you gasped, “that’s it, Daddy. Just like that.”

“Yeah, I know how my dirty little girl likes it,” he grunted over the sound of your skin slapping and your slick sex sucking him in. “I can hear how much she likes it.”

Your head fell forward as he pounded up into you, the lewd squeak of the seat joined the chorus of your moans. “So close,” you told him.

But he already knew by the way you fluttered around him, coaxing him toward his own end. His metal hand left your hip and moved between you to seek out your swollen bud. “Gonna cum for me, good girl,” he asked. You tried to answer, tried to nod, but the way his hips shoved up into you and the cool metal against your heated sex that rubbed desperately at your clit was far too much.

A delicious snap came from within you and spread a white hot fire throughout your body. You came with his name on your lips, a desperate, holy cry. And he wasn’t far behind, a few hard thrusts and he spilled into you, whispering praise and adoration.

You stayed joined until the mess between your legs became itchy and the bugs started to swarm from the sweat on your bodies. “Best mill and half I’ve ever spent,” you sighed happily, lifting off of his lap.

“Wait, how much?!”

[whitherliliesbloom]

eyes fixed upon a shiny ray

[ ffxivwrite2021 ] ★ [ masterlist ] ★ [ prompt #24 - illustrious ]

[ alphinaud/wol ] ★ [ 2,858 words ]  ★ [ aetherweave au ]

witch / wizard academy au i’ve never written for. features mintdrop’s totomi and windupdragoon’s kirishimi. mentions heirsofdiscord’s moth’ir, ancientecho’s laurelis, peachteaoni’s lily and windupnamazu’s lunya.

illustrious-  famous, well respected, and admired

asking the star student of the most prestigious magic academy in eorzea out to the end of year prom is as daunting as it sounds

“Gods, sulk all you want, but can you at least stop pacing? You’re making me dizzy.” Alisaie sighs heavily, resisting the urge to yell only because she knew full well that her voice would echo through the halls at lightning speed, and she’s already been reprimanded for noise disruptions one too many times in the past now. 

Where she sat atop the wooden desk, she glared down at her twin, who has been walking laps around the back of the classroom with his hands plastered upon his chin for the past 10 minutes now. Alisaie had hoped to spend her free period practicing Blitz Ball, but it would seem that her brother and practically the rest of the academy was far more hung up about the upcoming end of year promenade dance, and she’s close to getting sick of all the endless chatter about who everyone was going to ask out as their dance partner.

The young witch in training had about just the same amount of interest in her brother’s love life as she did history of the arcane arts, which is to say none at all. But family is family... and if Alphinaud failed in his endeavor to ask out the girl he’s had his eyes set on for the past year now, she will never hear the end of his relentless mutters.

“Just ask her directly. It’s not that hard is it?” Thancred thinks to chime in from two desks away, fiddling with his jet black wand. 

And though Alisaie wholeheartedly agrees with Thancred’s assessment, she cannot bring herself to pass up the opportunity to call him out either.

“Hah, like you’re one to talk. How long again did it take for you to ask out Moth’ir? And you’ve known for what, almost your entire life now?” 

Light banter and friendly, healthy amounts of spite is normal among their group, and Thancred seems to be unaffected by Alisaie’s words as he throws his hand up and shrugs with an unapologetic smile. 

Alphinaud doesn’t stop pacing - not until he feels a light zap of lightning strike his bare hand and jolt him out of his focus, his head turned up to look at the wide chesire grin of the transfer student who twirled his leopard patterned wand between his index and middle finger playfully. Internally, Alisaie thanks the high heavens.

“Hien!” Alphinaud’s voice is a mixture of accusatory, confused and startled, and the raven haired student could only let out a hearty laugh before leaning himself back against the wall.

“Relax! A little jolt won’t kill you.” Hien begins waving his wand recklessly in the air, no doubt asking for reprimand if a teacher were present. “Anyways.. Who’s the lucky girl who’s caught the eye of our Alphinaud here? Must be someone quite special for him to be so nervous.”

Everyone’s eyes collectively widen, now fixed upon Hien as Thancred opts to answer on behalf of his friend.

“You don’t know? It’s Illya. It’s always been Illya.”

“Mm... Sorry, the name doesn’t ring any bells.”

The silence lingers a little longer now, as the other three exchange wide eyed glances of shock between them. 

“Y-you.. you don’t know Illya?” Alphinaud sounds utterly taken aback, and Alisaie almost speaks up to remind him that not everyone would be as enamored with the star student of Aetherweave as he is. 

“The little witch of a thousand miracles? Lady of the endless garden? The viola nebula? The star blossom? The tamer of the beasts? The one who pulls down the stars and wears them under her hat?” As he listed off the top of his head some of the most famous titles that had belonged to the object of his infatuations, Hien could only hum softly in thought as a response.

“I’ve heard of a few of those titles... I didn’t think they were all referring to the same person, however. Just how many names does she go by?”

Had it been anybody else, Alisaie would have probably accuse them for living under a rock - because anyone who has studied at Aetherweave academy would certainly not go long without hearing of Illya’s name. She didn’t know a single person in the academy who has not heard of at least one of the girl’s heroic exploits with her friends. 

Hien however was a transfer student, one who came from a sister academy back in the Far East only a few months ago, and despite having settled into his new surroundings comfortably, is still not entirely aware of all the gossip and rumors that run rampant in the magical halls of Aetherweave. 

“More like.. what name doesn’t she go by.” Alisaie’s shoulder rises and falls. “Have you heard of what happened just three months ago? About the Guardian Tree at Everschade?”

“That rings a bell. It was in the process of dying but somehow magically got rejuvenated and started to bloom purple flowers, didn’t it?”

“That was her doing.”

Now, Hien’s eyes are wide in surprise, letting out an elongated whistle as he crosses his arms over his chest. 

“By the kami...”

“She was also one of the few students in the academy to have not only met but also tamed a wild wyrm. They say her new dragon friend, Midgardsormr is sitting right in her backyard.” Alphinaud adds, “Her friends and her were also the ones who were at the front of the charge in the winter of last year, defending the school when there was a surge of Sineaters coming from Lakeland.” His hand rises up to hold his chin. “Not to mention, she’s a top student. She’s consistently been in the top 5 of our year when it comes to grades. And her command over magic is praised even by grandfather himself.” 

Praise coming from Archon Louisoix himself? That certainly is something worth prestige and recognition. Rightfully impressed now, Hien’s lips turn upwards into smirk as he turns to look back at the boy. 

“Well, I can see why you’d like her. What’s the problem then, friend? Is she not easy to get along with?”

At Hien’s suggestion, Alphinaud quickly shakes his head.

“Oh, no, she’s not like that. She’s very approachable. Perhaps a bit...shy, and not very good at speaking to strangers at all, but she’s a wonderful person. Perhaps... a bit too nice, is all.”

With his response, Alphianud drops his head with a heavy sigh and casts his glance downwards onto the floor in exasperation, and it prompts Hien to hold back any further questions. He merely turns to look at Alisaie and Thancred, who can only frown and shrug respectively in silence.

It wasn’t that Alphinaud hasn’t tried to ask the girl out - he’s been trying to for months now, well before even the details of the promenade dance had been released and he saw it as a good opportunity to finally ask the girl out to be his dance partner. 

He’s tried many times, and failed spectacularly an equal amount. 

Perhaps as a result of her kindness, Illya has found herself surrounded by a group of other equally individualistic and unique friends who, in one way or another, has interrupted Alphinaud’s attempts to ask her out at least once. 

He remembers Illya’s best friend, Laurelis, a joyful miqo’te girl who was well aware of his affections for her friend and is even the most enthused out of all of Illya’s circle about helping them get together... but has also unknowingly sabotaged his attempt to ask the girl out to movie date when she’d pulled Illya to town right after school for an impromptu shopping trip.

Lunya, a sharp-tongued girl who had been in a different class from Illya had been ecstatic to find that her friend, who she would not normally get much time to study with, had opted to take the same astrology and fortune telling electives as her. And for the three months that they had been together, she would always swiftly pull Illya away from him with a protective glare. 

And Lily, who studied in the year above them and was close and dating Illya’s pseudo big-brother figure, had busied Illya with the task of tutoring her after class on how to become better at healing magicks, an endeavor that took up almost all of Illya’s spare time and he could not in good conscious ask her to abandon her close friend’s heartfelt request - especially after learning that her wish to become better at healing stemmed from an accident that Kaye had almost sustained a fatal wound for during last year’s battle against the Sineaters. 

He can no longer keep track of the number of times he’d failed in his attempts, let alone take into account his own confidence beginning to waver... but the two golden foil tickets and a pressed lily in his pocket weighs heavy, and as Tataru and Krile had so eloquently egged him on and warned him, he might not get another chance ever again if he missed this one. 

“OI! HIEN!” A loud, boisterous voice calls out, and a loud thud and an ‘oof’ from Hien sounds out, followed by a breathless chuckle as he shakes the woman who had tackled him against the wall off himself. 

“Kiri, your greetings are enthusiastic as ever, but we’re in the middle of something now.” 

“Huh?” Mismatched eyes finally turn to look at the twins and Thancred, and she lets out a nonchalant shrug. “Oh. Uh, sorry I guess. I can leave ya guys to it then.”

“No, it’s quite alright, Kirishimi.” Alphinaud smiles warmly at his senior, the tone of his voice amiable as ever. “We weren’t talking about anything important.” 

“I didn’t know you considered you not being able to ask Illya out to prom as being unimportant.” His twin sister snickers, and Alphinaud bites back an aggrieved huff. 

“Alisaie-”

“Illya?” Kirishimi’s expression lights up, ears perking as she places her hands upon her hips and gestures towards the direction of the front entrance of the school. “Speakin’ of her, I think she’s leavin’ to go on a date with someone. I saw them going down the stairs after I passed by her classroom and they were talking about uh... ‘desserts’ or something.”

“W-What? A date?” There’s panic evident in her voice, normally already fair complexion on the elezen boy rapidly paling now as he takes a step towards the taller woman. “Is...Isn’t it still in the middle of the school period?? They can’t possibly-”

“Town’s only a few minutes walk away though?” Kiri retorts with a shrug, “They’ll have plenty of time before the next module an hour later... and maybe they’ll even have time enough to work in a kiss or somethin’-”

“I-I... I have to-” Before even hearing the rest of Kirishimi’s sentence, Alphinaud finds himself bolting out of the classroom door and down the hallway towards winding flights of stairs and talking paintings, who chime out in surprise and ask a collective series of ‘where are you going?’ which goes unanswered.

Thancred turns to look at Kiri, a suspicious glint in his eye as he quirks an eyebrow out. 

“She’s not really going on a date, is she?”

Kiri merely shrugs, a mischievious smirk plastered on her face as Hien wraps a proud arm around her shoulder, an equally triumphant grin upon his face.

----------------------

By the time Alphinaud’s found himself past a few feet in front of the building, and sees a familiar curtain of swaying white hair and a tall witch hat crowned upon it walking towards the fountain in the middle of the academy square and towards the front gates of Aetherweave, he’s already rapidly short of breath and found his legs aching, his lungs gasping and burning desperately for air. 

But he doesn’t allow himself to stop- cannot allow himself to stop as he swallows back the lump in his throat and continues sprinting forwards, his voice calling out to her loudly from across the pathway.

“Illya! Illya wait!” 

He thanks the twelve when he sees the lalafellin girl stop in her tracks and turn around with a bewildered expression, her companion beside her equally startled and stopping  next to her as well - though he pays no mind to them... cannot bring himself to exert enough energy to focus on anyone other than Illya. 

It isn’t until he gets closer to the pair, sweat trickling down his brow, his chest heaving as he pants for air heavily and his hands gripping onto his knees as he lurches forward does he finally recognize just who the mysterious student that Illya has decided to go on a ‘date’ with.

“W-wait.... wait a minute..” Alphinaud mutters in between huffs and sharp inhales, navy blue eyes staring down at a lalafellin with familiar straight cut bangs and ruby red eyes. “M-m.... Mint?!” 

Mint.... is Illya’s date? The genki self-proclaimed witch idol peppermint?? Who also happens to be dating his friend Estinien??? She’s who Kirishimi tricked him into thinking was Illya’s date?!

“Whaddya want Alphinaud??” Peppermint lets out a huff and a pout, seemingly unconcerned at his haggard state as she crosses her arms over her chests. “Illya promised to get cream puffs with me during our break time. If you wanna have some, you’ll have to get in line!”

“W-what...? That’s not...”

Twelve forfend... He’s been deceived utterly and completely... He’d like to think he would be a bit more perceptive and intuitive enough to know when he’s being lied to or played but... it would seem like all sense of rationality of his flies out the window when it comes to Illya.

The girl in question merely gazes up at him with concern swirling in her lustrous violet eyes as she tightens her hold on the book she had been holding close to her chest. 

“A-are you okay, Alphinaud?”

The worry in Illya’s voice urges Alphinaud to quickly swallow and give her a nod, a reassuring smile gracing his features despite his drained complexion.

“I’m... I’m quite alright. Thank you, Illya.” 

His heart skips a beat when his smile is mirrored by her, and the radiance of her presence is almost enough to leave him dumb and speechless until she speaks up once more to question him.

“Did you need something from me? You seemed like you were in a hurry-”

Oh seven hells... how is he going to explain his way out of this now? He could make perfectly reasonable and well timed excuses for his other failed attempts... and he could just as easily lie to her and say that it was nothing now... 

But he knows not only would that arouse suspicion, especially with someone as perceptive to people’s lies and intentions as Illya was... but it’d perhaps put her on edge around him in the future. 

And though he’d have liked to invite Illya to prom in private and free of an audience member consisting of someone from her circle of friends, he’s already made a right fool of himself and caused a scene between them.... So to hide away or run from the situation would be...

With a defeated sigh, Alphinaud fishes out one of the tickets from his uniform pocket and holds it out to the girl with trembling fingers, watching in anticipation as her own starspangled eyes widen in shock. 

“I-I.... I just wanted to ask... If you would perhaps like to go to prom with me?”

The normally talkative Mint is now completely silent, holding back impish cheers and laughter as she merely steps back to pump her fist in the air, leaving Illya on her lonesome as a heat quickly spreads across the girl’s fair cheeks and reddens the bridge of her nose. 

It doesn’t take much thought at all for Illya to raise a hand up to take the ticket from him, gazing down thoughtfully at the reflective golden foil and the silver letterings etched into the shimmering surface until she finally remembers to nod in answer.

“Um... Y-yes... I would love to-”

---------

Illya is grateful that nobody else other than Mint had been around to bear witness to what happened, or she’d be certain that the whole school would be privvy to the gossip before sundown. 

Mint’s teasing and chattering is enough on it’s own to deal with, as the girl cheerily munches into her cream puff and speaks in a hushed tone to the violet eyed girl on the other side of the table. 

“I’m so glad for you, Illya! Now you don’t have to worry at all!”

“Y-yeah... I-I suppose so..” The heat from Illya’s cheeks hasn’t dissipated, and she stares into the reflection of the warm milk tea in her hands. “B-but.. what am I supposed to do with the love letter? I’ve been working on it for weeks and now-”

Mint pauses for a moment, cheeks puffed up and full of food as she continues to chew and darts her eyes up to the white ceiling in thought.

“Hm... Well you can still give it to him! Maybe during the prom or something? I’m sure he’ll appreciate it very much!”

[bokunoheroanalysisforthefuture]

Hmm, still thinking about character profiles… might try and do something with that after this arc, since I didn’t do it before the USJ arc. Or maybe I should wait until after the Sports Festival? I suppose I’ll have to wait and see if I have enough material…

Still, it does feel weird to try and do character profiles when there are other ones out there that are so much more detailed and really dig into things. I mean, it can’t necessarily hurt for me to do, but it’d also push back the chapters even further when I just want to get caught up, so… bleh.

Anyways, chapter.

[No. 16 - Know Your Enemies]

First off, Mineta, why. Just. Sigh. 

Our first panel has izuku and Tsuyu wading towards the edge of the water, Izuku cradling his broken finger while Tsuyu drags Mineta along. Long and short, Mineta says the villains will be stuck together all day. Izuku is muttering about how lucky they were, because that move was a real gamble, and if the villains had been smart, a few of them would have been hidden under the water. He can guess they weren’t thinking ahead, but they still need to be careful…

Tsuyu tells him to stop, since what he’s muttering about is scary. She then asks him what they should do now. Izuku determines that their top priority is calling for help, and that if possible, they should follow the shoreline and make for the exit, avoiding the plaza altogether. (Meanwhile, Tsuyu asks if Izuku’s okay, which he confirms even while wincing over his injury.) Izuku’s narration recounts that their first battle ended in a win, but that he’d made a deadly wrong assumption. 

Huh. Izuku is using his elbow pad as a temporary compress for his broken finger. Interesting.

Tsuyu accepts Izuku’s plan, and then notes that Aizawa is drawing a large number of villains to the plaza. Izuku is worried about their teacher, noting that there’s too many enemies. Of course, Eraserhead is holding his own out there, but it’s too much for him, and that he had to know that, but jumped in to protect the class anyways.

Mineta think Izuku is planning something stupid (which I mean, rude but fair) while Tsuyu gives a neutral ribbit. Izuku clarifies that he isn’t saying they should dive right into the fight - just that they watch for an opening and do what they can to lighten their teacher’s load. The narration from above finishes with an ominous statement - thinking that they stood a chance against those enemies was a grave miscalculation.

Then we get an overview of the USJ and where everyone was sent, serving as the ‘cover page’ for the chapter. 

Interestingly, neither Aoyama or Hagakure have a confirmed location, though I am aware that Hagakure later states she was in the same zone as Shouto. And Shouji… oh, poor Shouji…

Can’t believe my good hugs boy was slandered like this… damn you Viz…

Not to mention the disrespect to our goddess Yaomomo… when will it end...

Next up, we get to see Shouto being casually intimidating. He exhales a chilled breath as his shoulder starts to steam, musing about the villains’ divide and conquer strategy. He then notes with a half-hearted preemptive apology that it’s hard to see the villains who were in the landslide zone as any more than thugs with quirks they can’t even handle. 

Jesus christ where does his ice end.

Shouto approaches the closest villain - perhaps the leader of that squad - his boots crunching in the ice as his left side continues to steam. The squad leader(?) calls him a bastard and complains how he reacted the second he was warped there, as well as wonders if he’s really just a kid before complaining about the pain from the frostbite of the ice.

Shouto briefly flashes back to Shigaraki mentioning how they brought along so many playmates (which I guess confirms that Jirou and/or Shouji forwarded some of what the villains were saying down in the plaza because otherwise there’s no way they should have heard from that distance.) He thinks about how the villains want to kill All Might, and and first, they’d all seemed elite, so they could use their numbers to overwhelm him. But taking a closer look, the pawns are only there for the kids, nothing but a gang of low-level cannon fodder. As far as he can tell, there are only about four or five really dangerous individuals there.

He then sits down(!!!) as he gets the villains’ attention, noting that at the rate they’re going, their skin will rot away from frostbite. The villains are alarm, but Shouto continues on, explaining that he’s trying to become a hero, and that heroes don’t do such horrible things. As he thinks about what he needs to do next, he asks the villains what makes them think they can kill All Might, and to tell him their plan.

Shouto, my man, that is a power move and a half right there, I cannot believe he actually sits down and makes them talk to him like an unruly class of students or sommat. Just, fucking hell, I don’t even know if he realizes how effectively he just asserted his dominance.

Our next scene shift (and the last for this post) is over to Yaomomo, Jirou, and Kaminari in the mountain zone, surrounded by enemies. 

Pick your fighter. I’m Birb Dude. 

A lot of those enemies have weapons of zome kind and are overall fairly intimidating, though there’s also this one fucker-

I’m sorry I just cannot take this one seriously, what the FUCK is that. There’s certainly some other questionable villains in this mess, but that one just. What.

Anyways. Kaminari just dodges a heavy punch from the big villain with the weird helmet on. He yelps as he gets closer to the girls and gets into formation (back to back to back), complaining about his whole life flashing before his eyes and asking who the hell those guys are and what they’re doing there. Jirou tells him to worry about that later, with Yaomomo stating they need to figure out how to get away from that mob. 

Jirou asks Kaminari to confirm he’s a ‘lightning guy’, and then tells him to just fry them all to a crisp. While she’s holding a presumably metal sword. Yeah no, I can’t see anything wrong with that plan. Kaminari is offended because why wasn’t she paying attention when were partners during the battle training? 

He then goes on to explain that he can only cover himself in electricity (so he wants a weapon), then goes on to say that he can discharge it, but he can’t control it - he’d hit them as well! Kind of like Todoroki’s power. He also states that he’s still trying to call for help, but his special transceiver is being jammed. He then finishes with the statement that they can’t rely on him, so he’s relying on them, giving a thumbs up with a bit of zap coming off of it.

Jirou grumbles about how he blabs a lot for a guy, then turns and kicks him into the crowd of villains, telling him to be a human stun gun. Kaminari yelps in disbelief at the betrayal, smacking right into the huge villain who almost punched him before and giving the guy a real good zap. Jirou is unimpressed as Kaminari realizes that the adhoc plan actually worked, and that the two can in fact rely on him after all. Jirou notes that that was easy.

Two other villains move to go after Kaminari, who is STILL somehow zapping the guy (how is that villain not dead yet??), with the rock fisted guy aiming a massive bouldery fist at a scared Kaminari. However, right before it hits, it gets cracked open by some kind of soundsave, leaving the villain’s unprotected fist to land right in Kaminari’s face and get them brutally zapped as well.

The boar-masked villain with knives tries to leap in, but a net shot from seemingly nowhere catches him mid-air and sends him falling to the ground caught up in it. We see right after that it was shot from Yaomomo’s right forearm / elbow, all while she’s blocking another strike from a different villain with her staff. She tells Jirou and Kaminari to get serious, with Jirou apologizing as she lifts her short sword again. 

Jirou unplugs her ear jack from the speaker in her right boot, the jack retracting to normal length as she notes that she had a good plan, but Kaminari… (something? IDK. I guess he’s in the way? Or she wasn’t expecting his quirk limitations?)

We get her full name - Jirou Kyoka - and a description of her quirk, Earphone Jack.

We also get to see her use her quirk without the speakers, directing one of those amplified heartbeats as a direct attack at some of the villains, who hold their hears as they shout from the pain. Jirou blocks another up-close sword attack with her own short sword, nothing that in her costume request, she asked for a way to focus her sound in one direction.

A question about her costume, like. Why are the speakers in her boots? I mean, I know her costume needed speakers to direct her quirk, but why not go for something like Present Mic’s costume where she could have the speakers on her shoulders and so a lot closer to her quirk???

Yeah, I need to try and keep remembering that these are first draft costumes made by fifteen year olds and not meant to be used in the field / against villains yet. Sometimes I am a dumb. Thank you discord for knocking my head straight.

Moving on, we get Yaomomo kicking another villain back as she states that ‘it’s ready’, which confuses Jirou and I guess the villains as well. The villain she kicked stumbles back as Yaomomo crouches over, her back starting to bulge as she notes that it took some time, what with it being a larger object. The back of her costume tears open in a fairly gruesome-seeming image, only for the next panel to reveal it’s some kind of huge sheet that shoot out over her and Jirou’s heads before coming down to completely cover them both.

The villains are confused about the sheet, asking if the kids are trying to shield themselves. Meanwhile, Kaminari seems done shocking the other villains, stumbling as others start to run at him with their weapons or hands poised to strike. Momo clarifies that the sheet is a 100 mm thick insulation sheet, then tells Kaminari ‘now.’ Kaminari, nose bloody, realizes her plan and let her know that. He lifts his arms, telling the villains that he’s actually super strong before bringing them down and fully unleashing his quirk, zapping all of them at once.

Pikachu, use Thunder!

As the quirk wears off, we see all the villains are in no condition to keep fighting. Smoke rises from the insulated sheet as Yaomomo lifts the edge, noting that now that that is handled, she’s worried about the others, so they need to hurry up and regroup. Jirou is flustered as she points out Yaomomo’s wardrobe malfunction (which I will not be sharing here), while Yaomomo calmly replies she can make more clothes. We also get a blurb on Yaomomo’s quirk:

As well as probably one of the most important things that Bones cut out for some stupid reason: belly rolls!

Yes, Yaomomo actually has a healthy weight in the manga. I mean, all the girls do, but still. Why do animes just ruin this stuff. 

Anyways, our last two panels of the page and this half of the chapter show Kaminari totally brain dead as he cheers, with another blurb about his quirk:

Behind all three of them, we see a fist smashing up out of the ground, showing that someone managed to dodge that super-attack after all…

Anyways, that’s a wrap for now. Next time is all Aizawa and Shigaraki, and that’s gonna be… messy. See y’all then!

[specialmindz]

“PAPYRUS! PAPYRUS WHERE ARE YOU?”

BUBBH!           

“PAPYRUS!”

Sans poked the baby bones currently playing the bathtub. “hey uh, bro? i think dad wants you…”

“PAH-PYRUS!”

SPLASH SPLASH!

“WHAT YOU WANT STINK DADDY? I’S MAKING MOOSIC OVER HERE!”

The infant continued splashing in the tub, the bubbles floating gently through the air with each slap the water received. “UNDER DA’ SEA! UNDER DA’ SEEEA! DOWN HERE IT WETTER, DOWN HERE IT BETTER, TAKE IT FROM BAY-A-BEEEEE!”

CAP CAP CAP!

CA-THINK, WHAM!

“ugh! dad, you don’t have to slam open the door like that-”

“WHERE’S MY KEYBOARD, YOU LITTLE SHIT?”

SPLASH SPLASH!

“I don’t know what you’s talkin’ bout’. What is dis ‘key-board’ you speak of? Is a board game?”

“YOU KNOW WHAT IT IS! YOU USE IT WHEN YOU’RE USING MY COMPUTER! TELL ME WHERE IT IS THIS INSTANT!”

SPLASH!

Papyrus stopped. “Why you need it so bad? You’s a scientist, not a moosician! I’S the only one with musical talent round’ here! Listen to mah jams!”

SPLASH SPLASH!

“UNDER DA’ SEA-”

“THAT’S THE WRONG KIND OF KEYBOARD!”

“uh oh,” said Sans, studying the water. The surface of it was almost completely obscured by bubbles, but he had a good idea of what lay beneath. Papyrus normally didn’t even like bubbles, as they got in his eye sockets and made it hard to see where he was swimming, but today he actually asked for extra suds in order to create “special effects” for a “concert” he was performing.

It looked like Gaster had the same idea too, as a trademarked sigh of unmistakable misery escaped him.

Heh heh, it’s like watching a balloon slowly lose its will to live…

SPLASH SPLASH, SPLASH SPLASH!

“It’s under the water isn’t it?”

“Nyeh?”

“My keyboard. It’s underwater.”

Papyrus looked down at the water and then back up at his father. “I do bad Daddy?”

“Yes Papyrus, you’ve made a mistake...”

“I fuk up yo’ life?”

“Yes Papyrus, you’ve ‘fucked up my life,’ now give me my keyboard so I can repair it.”

“Mmm…no. No, I’s gonna fix it. I already has an idea, in fact! I can still make dis work.” Papyrus licked the water. “Yep. Daz the problem. That’s the problem right there. I got the suds, but the water not be salty enough. SNAS!”

“AHH! wh-what? what do ya’ want pap?” asked Sans, putting a hand against his skull.

“Well FIRST, I’d like you to pay attention,” said the baby. “We gots a situation over here and you’s dreaming bout’ eating Sabastian!” The infant pointed to a dead crab floating in the bath near his feet. It had CLEARLY been eaten a long time ago by someone else, probably a human seeing as Papyrus got all his stuff from the Dump, but apparently the shell was all he needed to play pretend.

“I needs you to search the Powder Place and finds the salt,” said Papyrus, now pointing at the bathroom cabinet.

The bathroom cabinet was where the family keep their cleaning supplies. Heavy-duty powder that was used to clean up serious messes regular soap couldn’t handle, pest control bottles that sprayed foul-smelling chemicals, and copious amounts of baby powder lined the floor of the cabinet. Some of the bottles and boxes were neatly arranged, but most of the supplies had been knocked over, their contents scattered everywhere due to a combination of missing lids and an unsupervised baby…at least that’s what Papyrus said.

His little brother didn’t like the Powder Place very much, and at one point he even tried to do something about it, admitting fully that he had once purposely spilled the contents of the baby powder in order to make the area smell like an infant rather than Catty’s litterbox room. It was Papyrus’s argument that cleaning supplies should never smell like fresh fruit.

“Be careful Snas, it may smell delicious in there, but erything be poison. Big people’s use it as a trick to kill off fat babies.”

“Don’t be absurd! That’s not even close to being correct.”

“Yes it is. Big people’s like their monies and a fat baby is a baby that eats alllll the time. Food costs money, so they buy poison that smell like food to get rid of the baby without legal con-see-quences.”

“That’s not true, who TOLD you that?”

“Dirt-Butt.”

“*Sigh*”

Of COURSE it was Dirt-Butt.

“Dirt-Butt” was ALWAYS saying nonsense, though it really didn’t bother Gaster as much as every other source of knowledge the infant found. He was usually relieved in fact. Papyrus was used to getting stereotypical info from the media, but the things Dirt-Butt told him more often than not, actually kept him out of trouble.

If only headaches weren’t still the norm…

 “NO DADDY, DON’T USE DA’ LECTRICAL HOLE! DIRT-BUTT SAY PICHU LIVE IN THERE!”

“…What?”

“dirt-butt told pappy that pikachus were electric mice who made their homes in electrical outlets,” explained Sans, playing a game on his phone.

“IS TOO! PIKACHU’S BABIES LIVE IN THERE! YOU’S GONNA POKE EM’ IN THE BUTT!” Papyrus covered the holes of the outlet with his hands, Determined to save his fellow infants. “Dirt-Butt says only big people can get poked in the butt, he also say-”

“Pikachus do NOT live or make their nests in electrical outlets.” Interrupted the scientist. “No one does.”

“Yes they do! Dat’s why the tricity gets used up. Pichu eat da’ power so they can gets big, is their nutrients!”  

Gaster shook his head. “No. The reason you don’t want to stick things in here is because you’ll be electrocuted. Dirt-Butt lied. You need to pay more attention to people when they’re talking Papyru-”

“You gets elly-cuted cause’ you piss off Pikachu.”

“Did you not hear me?”

“If you poke the babies, you gets zapped.”

“Papyrus.”

“I KNOWS MAH ANIMALS DADDY!”  

“SNAS, MORE SALT!”

“NO, do NOT put salt in your brother’s bathwater, it’s terrible for bones,” said Gaster reaching into the cabinet. He pulled out the salt, but was immediately met with a wet keyboard to the face.

CACK!

“PAPYRUS!”

“GIMME MAH SALT STINK DADDY! IS MINE!”

“No, it is NOT yours-”

“GIMME MY SALT OR I’S GONNA TELL UPON YOUUU!”

“You do that.”

“I WILL! I’ll tell upon you and you’s gonna get in trouble! I tells em’ you taked the salt and tried to make a baby stew…” said Papyrus smiling.

“Wh-”

“I’ll tell eryone you putted salt and carrots in mah bath and eryone will hate you. They’ll go ‘poor baby Pappy, he has such a bad wife, his daddy try to cook him for supper! We should ah-rest that bad guy and donate lossa monies to that baby’s fundraiser so their family can eats!”

“…What fundraiser?” asked the father, sensing trouble. He immediately regretted saying anything. In fact, he regretted it before the second word even came out of his mouth, but by then it was already too late.

“MY fundraiser. Baby Pappy’s Happy Nappies for Crap Bs!” Papyrus grinned and spread his arms out wide as if in celebration.

“’Crap B’s…?”

“Crap babies. Babies who not geniuses like me. Snas say, other baes not as fortunate as us, so I should be nice and share mah toys.”

“…”

“I don’t wanna do that, so instead I makes a fundraiser to get the inferior infants nappies!”

“Papyrus-”

“Nappies is diapers.”

“I know what nappies are,” said Gaster, already annoyed. Though the fundraiser’s name was enough to prove to Asgore that he wasn’t responsible for whatever came from his youngest’s latest money-making scheme, he still had to put an end to it. If he didn’t, he’d have the king’s citizens knocking at his door, and things were already getting bad in that regard.

More and more monsters had fallen ill from Hotland’s toxic fumes due to the fact that the Underground’s air filter lacked the power to operate and the more…unreasonable, individuals were getting upset. With the Lab being the closest medical building, the sick were often brought in and placed into the renovated Medical Ward. What was once mostly a living room was now a warehouse of beds, stretching almost from one end of the room to the other and lined with monsters of every variety.

Not that he was running out of room or anything.

The monsters there weren’t being cured, but rather drained of their magic to create magic crystals, a brilliant, if cold-hearted idea to be sure. This however, was necessary, though it had a severe consequence as it resulted in an increase of the Fallen; monsters who had lost too much magic and so had fallen into a comatose state. If the comatose had a chance of waking, he wouldn’t have dozens of family members banging on his door and flooding his email with questions, but sadly that wasn’t the case. Those that fell, fell to dust. There was no waking them…at least he didn’t THINK so…Gaster admittedly hadn’t bothered to experiment with that kind of thing yet.

I’m raising two children, keeping the oil reservoir under control AND a secret, trying to come up with a permanent solution to our power problem, logging the names and the number of incoming patients, making magic crystals, recording Papyrus’s progress, AND fixing HIS messes; I don’t have the TIME to meddle in monster mortality.

“uh, dad? papyrus just ran out the door giggling.”

“Wh-what?” Gaster looked about the bathroom to find that it was, indeed, missing a baby. “Why didn’t you stop him?!”

“he ran right past you, so i figured it was okay.”

“Papyrus by himself is NEVER okay, you should know that! Where did he go?” He poked his head out of the doorway and looked down the hall. A wet trail of baby tracks led into the darkness and he could just faintly hear the clacking sound of tiny bone feet getting farther and farther away.

“he said something about ‘customer satisfaction’ or…whatever. i wasn’t really paying attention-”

“GET OFF YOUR PHONE AND GO GET YOUR BROTHER!”

“*siiiiigh* FINE. PAPPY? WHERE YOU AT BABY BRO?”

“I SAID ‘GET’ NOT ‘YELL’ SANS!”

Lazy little…

“uuuughh!” Rolling his eyes, Sans shoved his phone back into the pocket of his hoodie and walked out the door. “PAPPYYYY! HEEERE PAPPY!”

“NYEH HEE HEE HEE!”

Wiping off his ruined keyboard, Gaster tucked it under his arm and followed his oldest.

He already knew where the little bastard was headed.

Earlier in the week, while he was sweeping dust off the beds, he had found a little white diaper under the covers. ALL of the beds that once held the Fallen, had them in fact. It was obvious that Papyrus was putting diapers on the comatose patients, but until today, he never knew why.

“…those aren’t babies pappy,” said Sans from far off.

“Course they are! Daz why they sweep so much. Cwap babies don’t do much Snas, they just eat, sweep, and doody in their diapies. Some of them pay wit toys, but-”

“PAPYRUS GET OUT OF THE MEDICAL WARD!”

Papyrus turned his head to look down the hall, then, waving at his daddy, he turned back around.

“PAPYRUS!”

“Shoosh, stink Daddy! You wake da’ babies!” The tiny skeleton looked at the fluffy, unconscious dog-monster. “So tell us, doody-dog…how satisfied are you wit mah pro-duct? From one to a hundred?”

“…”

Papyrus lifted the dog’s head, “Eleventy-six!” exclaimed the baby bones, “I’d definitely wear another! Mah only complaint is the lack of hole for my stupid dog tail-”

“*pfft!* pap-”

“THERE SHOULDN’T BE ANY COM-PAINTS!” yelled Papyrus into the dog’s face. “DIS A FUNDRAISER, YOU BE GATEFUL FOR WHAT YOU GET, SUCK-BABY!”      

“…”

“he’s not answering you bro.”

“Cwap babies not talk much Snas, but the result be clear. They satisfied…and now I must expand mah business!” cried Papyrus, raising a finger in the air. “TO WATERFALL!”

“huh?”

Using his wingdings, Papyrus picked himself up and placed his little body atop his brother’s skull, apparently expecting Sans to take him to his destination with haste.

He didn’t.

“pap, i don’t know what EXACTLY you’re trying to do, but it’s probably not a good idea; you’re naked and dad was-”

“TO WATERFALL SNAS!!” repeated the baby, louder this time. “TIME BE MONEY, HONEY!”

“don’t call me that.”

SPL-SPLASH!

Teleporting to Waterfall, the two brothers fell into the water near the docks, Papyrus slipping from his sibling’s head almost at once.  

“NYEHHHHAAH! WHY YOU PUT US IN DA’ WATER SNAS? THE FISHIES SEE MAH BUTT!” The infant covered his rear end with a tiny hand, using the other to grab hold of Sans’ hoodie.

“then you shoulda listened to me huh?” replied Sans, CLEARLY not sorry at all. “besides, you know i can’t control exactly where i show up!”

Just the area in general…

“DON’T LOOK AT MAH BUTT CWEEP FISH!”

TAP!

A strange tapping sound drew the older boy’s attention, and Sans turned his head to see old man Gerson walking along the docks, cane in hand, while the baby batted at the curious fish.

“What’s all the commotion over here?” asked the turtle, scratching under his chin. He looked a lot more ancient when he was in full view. Sans usually only saw him in his shop, as did everyone else. It was rare to find him wandering around, as Undyne had a habit of taking it upon herself to scavenge for supplies at the Dump and present it to him to selling. Because of her, he never really HAD to leave anymore.  

TAP, SHIFF!

The old man got closer and peered down at the two in the water, holding a magnifying glass to his eye. “Wahhaha, of course, of course it’s you, Papyrus. Giving your brother trouble I see!”

Does he bring that everywhere with him?

“it-it wasn’t pappy’s fault, i made a mistake,” said Sans quietly.

“Is that so? Well you two shouldn’t be bathing in the same place we water folk get our food, might get a taste for skeletons! Wahhahaha!” He laughed again, but the little Horror wasn’t as amused.

“DON’T EAT DA’ BABY!”

“we weren’t bathing…i just…took a wrong turn or something…��

“You weren’t? Then where are your brother’s clothes?”

“CTHULHU TOOK EM’! I seens it, wit my own widdle eyes, Wrinkle-Man!” said Papyrus, splashing in the water.

“Really? Well that’s just awful! Isn’t that awful Sans?”

“please don’t encourage him.”

“They must be pretty mean to do something like that; picking on a poor little cherub like you.”

“Yep, I’s a sad cher-chero-cherrio. A very sad cheerio Wrinkle-Man, baby’s don’t gots lots of monies ya’ know? How I supposed to buy new jammies wit no monies?”

“That IS an issue,” said Gerson warily, sensing an approaching problem. He turned to Sans, but the child only glared at him, his expression giving the answer to the old man’s unsaid plea.

You started this, now YOU can deal with it.

I’m not helping you.

“Ya’ know what would make this little cheerio happy again Wrinkle-Man?”

“cherub, pappy.”

“*Sigh*…What’s that?”

“If you would accept dis diapie.” The baby bones held up a soaked diaper, possibly getting it from out of Sans’ pocket.

“oh, that’s right, i didn’t check my pockets today.” He looked down at his clothes sadly. Whatever was in there today was probably ruined now by the water.

Papyrus tended to hide things in his brother’s hoodie.

Every once in a while, the kid comedian would reach into his pocket to find crayons, candy, a kaleidoscope, bouncy balls, a yo-yo, and sometimes even makeup in his pocket. They were fun little surprises that he enjoyed, like tiny gifts. They obviously belonged to his sibling, but liked Papyrus liked to say “what’s mine is yours,” so he considered them gifts.

The big treasures were his favorite, as they were rare and akin to getting surprise packages in the mail. He’d wake up in the morning and go to the place on the floor near the dresser where he always threw his hoodie and be excited to find a big lump covered by his clothing. A sign that his brother had hidden something neat.

You’d think he’d quit hiding things with it by now. He’s gotta know I’m stealing em’…

One time, Sans even found a skateboard hidden under it. He played with it a lot, and got pretty good, but when he started doing tricks, Papyrus became…unhappy. He remembered his baby brother screaming in terror and crying when he showed him a kickflip for the first and last time. He remembered feeling super guilty about it too. He only had 1 HP after all; if he fell, it was bye-bye big bro.

The skateboard now sat in a corner collecting dust, a sad reminder of what could have been.

“I don’t need a diaper yet kiddo!” said Gerson, slightly insulted.

“Sure, you do! All old peoples need diapies and all we asks in ass-change is dat you gives us a small donation.”  

“A small donation’ hm?”

“Yep, for just thirty-twelve G, you could have this super absorbent, long-lasting diaper. Yo’ donations go to the Happy Nappies Fundraiser where we will buy MORE diapies and gives them to the less fortunate.”

“…It sounds like you’re selling diapers for 3,012g, FAR more than they’re worth. That’s thirty-twelve right? 3,012g?”

“Correct. We uses the extra monies to buy more nappies.”

“That’s not a fundraiser young’un’, you’re supposed to be raising money for charity. If you’re selling these to the babies here in the Underground-”

“I not sell to babies, I GIVE to da’ baes!”

“…But their parents pay for them.”

“Yes.”

“That’s not a fundraiser, you’re ‘hustling’ as the kids say.”

“No! I not hustle, I BUSTLE! The fundraiser be for babies, THEY gets the diapies for free, not the big peoples.”

“you’re either not understanding bro, or you’re trying to cheat people.”

Probably the latter.  

“Daz not too. I buys diapies for the peoples who needs em’ and I use the rest to buy stuffs dat I need...like my jammies. Erybody wins.”

Papyrus attempted to climb out of the water and then, realizing his arms weren’t strong enough to pull him up onto the dock, he summoned his wingdings and placed himself onto the planks.

RATTLE RATTLE RATTLE!

“ugh, pap!” Sans covered his face as his tiny and inconsiderate sibling shook his body back and forth like the dogs in Snowdin, attempting to rid himself of the water.

“Wahahaha!”

SQISH!

THAP THAP THAP!

The infant squeezed the diaper in his hands and whipped it in the air, sending beads of water every which way. He knew it would probably not be the most absorbent product he ever sold, but perhaps the old monster would still want it for catching doodies…?

“bro, that diaper’s ruined, you’re not going to be able to sell it. look, it’s torn…”

“Nyeh?” Papyrus looked at the nappy in his hand. It seemed fine just a minute ago, but now it was all stretched out and worse yet, the sticky parts that were meant to hold the diaper in place wouldn’t stick anymore. He tried several times to get them to, but the front kept falling open.

Sans was right.

His product was ruined.

“NYEHHHHHAAHHHH! SNAAAAAAAS!”

“*sigh*”

“MY DIAPIE BE BOKEN SNAS! NYEH-HAAAHHHH!!!”

Sans got out of the water and picked up his baby brother. “don’t cry pappy,” he said, bouncing him up and down in his arms. “it’ll be okay.” He patted him on the back, but the baby bones refused to stop crying, still clutching the diaper in his little hand.

“Oh dear…hmm…tell you what,” said Gerson, pulling a wallet out of his shirt pocket. “I’ll buy your nappy at 2,000g, since it’s damaged. A young’un’ needs a pair of clothes, right?”

“our dad didn’t sell his clothes if that’s what you’re-”

“Shu up Snas, YES PWEASE MR. WRINKLE-GUY!” yelled Papyrus, suddenly all smiles. “I WOULD VERY MUCH AH-PEA-CIATE THAT!”

“PAPYRUS!”

“WAHHAHAHAHA!” laughing loudly, the tortoise-monster gave him the money. “Looks like this old man’s been outmaneuvered in marketing! I better watch out!”

“Nyeh hee hee hee!”

“…”

“Oh, don’t look so glum, my boy. Your brother needs this practice in order to protect you in the future! He’s gonna be quite the young warrior, isn’t that right Papyrus?”

“…There will be war.”

“WAHHAHAHAHA!” Mr. Gerson laughed again and walked back towards his shop. He tended to laugh a lot when Papyrus was present, though seeing him also made the elderly monster a bit sad too.  

Sometimes I miss the old days when a lot of these little guys were around…

Maybe one day, nature will fix our past mistakes. I just hope it doesn’t need help…or that it’s not too late.

TAP, SHIFF!

TAP, SHIFF!

“…that wasn’t very nice bro.”

“The business world is a harsh one, Snas,” said Papyrus, counting his G. “You needs to pactice too big Buther. One day, you’s gonna need to help da’ baby, ya’ know? Is sad dat you has no monies of your own. Just cause’ you gots 1 hp, don’t mean you’s useless. You gots a brilliant mind, put it to good use.”

“i don’t need life advice from a crook.”

“Kay’ when you gets a life, come see da’ baby.”

“i HAVE a life, you little asshole! it’s just isn’t a life of crime.”

“No crime no dime, big Buther. Sometimes you gots to break the rules to get da’ jewels! Tell Daddy he either pay you for help, or he pay fines for child labor.”

“that’s blackmail.”

“Is genius is what it is.”

Sans chuckled and put the money in his hoodie. “why would you need my help bro? unemployed monsters down here are a dime-a-dozen!”

“…”

“all jewel need to do is lie and they’ll help you out. i don’t need to do anything, heh heh…”    

“…You needs to pactice yo’ font too.”

“fine-”

“SOMEWHERE AWAY FROM DA’ BABY!” yelled Papyrus, kicking his legs.

“i can’t leave you here, child abandonment is a crime-”

“DAZ NOT EVEN A PUN!”

“besides, crawling all the way home would be a bit labor-ious, wouldn’t it?”

“IIIII HATE CHUUUUUU!!”

CAP, CAP!

CAP, CAP!

Oh crap, someone else is coming. I need to get Pappy back in some clothes or-

“HEY! NO BATHING IN THE FOOD SUPPLY, IT’S ILLEGAL!” cried a shrill voice Sans knew all too well. Startled, he dropped his brother in surprise, but luckily the infant didn’t seem to care.

“HELLWOE FISH-LADY!” Papyrus threw up his arm in greeting. “DA’ WRINKLE-MAN JUST LEFT!” The baby pointed towards Snowdin.

“He was just here?”

“yeah, he headed back to his stall a few seconds ago,” replied Sans, glaring at his brother. “while you were…underwater. why were you underwater? this is the breeding area…”

“Right, I was talking to the fish. Gotta make sure no one’s stealing them, so everyone can keep eating-”

“Fish Lady’s growing an army to fight the homos!” said Papyrus excitedly.

“SSHH!! Shut the fuck up Papyrus!” whispered Undyne harshly.

“homosapiens baby bro, you have to say the whole thing or…you know what? just say humans, kay’?”

“Homo humans!”

“…not better. also, are you talking about actual fish, undyne or water monsters?”

“WHO CARES?” yelled the young girl. “THE MORE SOLDIERS THE BETTER!” She grinned proudly, her hands on her hips. No one would expect an attack from the water AND the land, the next war against humans was as good as won.

That is, if no adults found out about it. They didn’t appreciate Undyne’s ingenious war strategies like Papyrus did.

No matter how helpful or cool they were, adults always seemed to have a problem with her ideas, and unfortunately, Sans and Gaster were no different. For most of them to work, she needed science nerds, but they saw her plans the same way they saw Papyrus’s, terrible and “asinine.”

The Royal Scientist’s words, not hers.

She didn’t know what “asinine” meant, but it had the word “ass” in it, so she assumed their father was calling her ideas booty.

My ideas aren’t ass!

My ideas are GREAT!

Stupid, crappy, science dweeb, is just lazy. How hard can it be to build a giant robot? Isn’t there already someone asking him to do that already?

“…A giant robot can destroy entire towns, I saw it in a movie.”

“what are you talking about? are you still on about that robot army?” Sans sighed, a trademark sign of his that meant he thought she was being stupid. Undyne had heard it many times before.

“IT’S A GOOD IDEA!!” she screamed. “AND IT WASN’T AN ARMY, IT WAS JUST O-”  

“for the last time, if you saw something already done in a movie undyne, the humans know how to COUNTER it; they make the friggen’ things!”

Undyne’s so dumb…

“Yeah, but the movies are old, Sans! They’re in the Dump, because no one watches them anymore! We’ll have the element of surprise.”

“I wish to pilot a Gundam, big Buther.”

“SEE?! Papyrus wants it!” she said, pointing at the baby bones. “You want to blow up a town widdle Pappy?”

The infant smiled and bounced up and down on his rear end excitedly. “Yeah yeah yeah!” he said, ignoring his sibling’s frown. “I’s Middle Eastern ya’ know…is mah calling.”

“still don’t know what middle ease is, pap.”

“Middle East Snas! It mean I comes from da’ center of the earth…only is a liiiittle East.” The infant pinched his fingers together, squinting with one eye to make sure there was space between them, hoping he had solved the mystery.

“The center of the earth…?” Undyne looked confused. “You mean Hell?”

“i’d believe that.”

“Noooo! I’s on the WOOF of Hell…cept’ is a liiittle East.”

“Yeast…isn’t that the stuff bread is made from?”

“he’s saying east, undyne. it’s a direction.” Sans pointed towards where he knew the Lab was located.

“…That’s left, Sans-I MEAN RIGHT! That’s your right.”

“NYEH HEE HEE HEE!”

“SHUT UP PAPYRUS, I WASN’T WRONG!”

“you are.”

“YOU SHUT UP TOO!!”    

“how old are you?”

“YOU CAN’T ASK ME THAT! I’M A WOMAN, IT’S ILLEGAL!”

“Is you a baby like me, Fish Lady? If so, I gots a great product for you…”

“I’m NOT a baby, I’M GROWN!” Undyne stomped her foot angrily on the planks of the pier, scaring Sans a little. He had no idea how long those timbers had been there, but he knew people walked on them every day. Eventually, they would break and need to be replaced…probably by the pines in Snowdin.

There are some people who use them for firewood too though, I know Grillby does. What if we run out? How long does it take a pine tree to grow?

…

Who planted them there to begin with?

“Nyeh? You spacing again, big Buther?”

It was something he thought of often whenever he was bored, and he highly doubted it was the monsters doing.

“Come back down from space, Snas!”

No one knew what the inside of Mt. Ebott was like, which is why everyone in the beginning not only scrambled for a home as soon as possible, but also refused to leave it behind for something better. It didn’t make sense to begin with for the monsters to carry saplings with them into a mountain with little to no sunlight. Even if the sunlamps in Snowdin had been immediately installed, it would’ve taken time. Could the trees survive that long without the sun? Why were they all pine trees to begin with? If the monsters came from different environments all over the world, wouldn’t some have brought cacti, palm trees, and other tropical plants?

It’s like someone made preparations for us to live here…

“EARTH TO THE SNAS!”

“AH!”

“Stop daydreaming and tell da’ Fish Lady how great mah fundraiser be! She doesn’t want to buy my diapies…” said Papyrus quietly.

“Why are you naked?”

“s-sorry bro, i was thinking about the trees. how come there’s only pine trees and fruit trees in the underground?”

“Nyeh?”

Why was his brother always thinking about trees?

“There’s a fern in the Resort Area,” said Undyne, hoping to change the subject. She’d rather talk about plants than diapers.

“why though? who was the guy who went ‘hey, yeah, i know i’m being ushered out of my home with little to no warning and should prooobably pack everything i think will be needed to maintain my survival-”

“But this fern doh…” The young girl laughed, imagining the scenario. “I gotta take this fern, man!”

“*pfft!* c’mon undyne, for real-”

“FERNS BEFORE FOOD! FERNS BEFORE FAMILY!”

“NYEH HEE HEE HEE HEE!”  

“AND THESE FLOWERS, DUDE! I NEED THESE GOLDEN FLOWERS IN MY LIFE!”

Sans laughed in spite of himself as his baby brother let out a high-pitched screech of delight. As curious as he and it was, the comedian had to admit it was also pretty funny.

I guess back then, people didn’t have to worry so much about survival as they do now. They probably weren’t expecting things to be so hard down here.

It’s good that kids like us don’t have to worry about that sort of thing…most of us anyway.

Dad’s a douche, but our generation depends on him and he’s doing his best to deliver. Without him, the Underground would be doomed.

He didn’t want to admit it, but he was one of the worrying kids. The future frightened him; his father frightened him.

One of the perks of being invisible, aside from whenever the Royal Scientist needed him, was that Sans could go anywhere and do anything he pleased when off the clock. He knew about the Fallen and what his father was doing before Flowey even appeared to tell him, and he was willing to bet his brother did too.

Papyrus didn’t mess with the draining machine.

Sans noticed he didn’t talk about it either. There were no questions, no threats, no mentions whatsoever. In fact, these days Papyrus seemed to mellow out a bit in general, his pranks becoming fewer and fewer in number until the labs horrendous reputation began to fade. The baby bones had even gone out to recruit other bright minds to help in the lab, no doubt sensing his father’s incoming mental collapse.

Despite how serious their power problem was, the truth remained that they HAD oil. It was dangerous to use, but it was a choice Gaster had other than draining that he didn’t favor. He CHOSE murder, their father CHOSE to drain sick monsters who came to him for help, and showed absolutely no remorse or concern for his actions.

Not good.        

“Does Onion-chan gots ferns?”

“huh?”

“It’s Onionsan, Pappy. You’re spelling it wrong, and yes, those are ferns.”

“oh, you’re still talking about ferns…who’s onionsan?” asked Sans. He didn’t know much about the monsters that lived underwater, but apparently no citizen was safe from his little bro. He hoped he hadn’t caused too much trouble…

“Onionsan-chan be a monster from Japan, man!” replied the infant, enjoying his tongue twister. “I doesn’t know how he got here dough…”

“OnionSAN, Papyrus-”

“They too big for mah diapies, so we not visit the tentacles today.”

“what?”

“Onionsan is a monster that looks like an octopus. I’ve never heard of Japan though.”

“Is where the woah-bots come from, Fish Lady! Da’ Vocaloid and the Gundams and the aira-planes…”

“airplanes aren’t robot birds baby bro,” said Sans smiling.

“Nyeh? No bird? Tsundereplane lie…?”

“huh?”

This alarmed Sans. Papyrus was behaving himself more in the lab, but that meant he was spending most of his time outside where it was dangerous.

Who’s Tsundereplane? How many people is he talking to?!

“you know what? it doesn’t matter. stop talking to strangers papyrus, it’s dang-PAPYRUS!”

BEEP BEEP!

Taking Sans’ phone out of his pocket via wingdings, Papyrus called his “friend” on speed dial.

“Hellwoe?”

“papyrus, stop!”

Who the hell gave him their number?! How long has that been in my phone?!  

“Yep, is da’ baby…”

“hang up, papyrus. whoever gave you their number isn’t a sane person-”

“Snas say you’s not a whoa-bot bird Tsundereplane. Why you lie to cute widdle me?”

“…”

“…”

“…”

“WELL SCU YOU TOO, STINK ARROW-PLANE! I BEAT YO’ ASS!”  

BEEP!

“…”

“…Tsundereplane not my friend no more.”

“Aww…poor Pappy…” Undyne patted the infant’s skull.

“don’t feel sorry for him! that’s what he gets for talking to strangers, maybe next time he’ll think before putting numbers in MY phone!”

“Yep, woe is me Fish Lady…”

“are you even listening to me?”

“…First they steals mah jammies and now they lie and call me an idiot-face. I am the saddest of cheerios…”

“THEY STOLE YOUR CLOTHES?!”

“you little shit.”

“STEALING’S ILLEGAL! Don’t worry Pappy, THE UNSTOPPABLE UNDYNE WILL GET YOUR CLOTHES BACK!”

“he’s lying undyne-”

Sans reached out to stop her, but Undyne was already off towards Hotland.

Damnit!

There’s no way he’d catch her, he didn’t even know who or where Tsundereplane was.

I don’t even know what they LOOK like…an airplane probably, but…

“Nyeh hee hee hee!”

“*humph!* i bet you’re pretty proud of yourself, huh baby bro?”

“Yes.”

“you think you did the right thing?”

“Yes.”

“what do you think’s gonna happen when undyne finds out you were lying?”

“She gonna come back and do the accu-sa-tions and Imma say ‘they throw my jammies in da’ lava?’ then I’s gonna cry reeeal loud, and she gonna feel sorry for me.”

“…”

“She’ll say, ‘aww, I didn’t think of that! Poor baby Pappy…I should go out and buy you NEW jammies!’ and then I say, ‘no, no, you’s done enough.”

“…is that right?”

“Yep. I say, “Just gives me some monies and I go gets em’. Shopping be boring.’ Then she gonna go ‘you’s right! Shopping IS boring. Here are some monies…and a widdle extra for the accu-sa-tions.”

“…”

“That’s when I be reeeal nice and say ‘keep da’ extra, you deserves it for being a good friend to da’ baby.’ Then I buys candy and I eats it, then we all live happy ever after.”

“…i’m calling undyne.”

“WHY YOU GOTS TO DESTROY MY HAPPY AFTER?”

BEEP BEEP BEEP!

“I’M NOT SELLING YOU NOTHIIIIINN’!!!” screamed Papyrus, “NYEH!” Snatching his brother’s phone, the baby bones took off running towards Snowdin.

“PAPYRUS! PAPYRUS, NO!”

“NYEH HEE HEE HEE HEE!”

“DO NOT GO INTO TOWN NAKED, PAPYRUS!”

Friggin’ dumbass! There’re dogs everywhere there, he can’t be showing that many bones, he’ll get eaten!

Or they would.

Probably the dogs.

Either way, Sans knew who would ultimately be blamed.

“GOOD LUCK FINDING ME IN DA’ SNOW BIG BUTHER!”

“ugh, shit!”

POOF!

With an enthusiastic smile, Papyrus leapt into a snow poff as soon as his sibling lost sight of him. There was no way Sans would find a tiny white skeleton in a snowfield. It would be like finding a needle in a haystack…whatever a haystack was.

Finally, his Michael Jackson syndrome was paying off.

“Nyeh? *sniff sniff*”

That was odd. The snow poff he was in smelled like doody. Well, actually, the whole town smelled like a barnyard, but this was especially bad…

“*huff puff* pa-papyrus…”

“…”

“papyrus, i know you’re in there, your tracks lead right to the snow poff field!”

“…Those could be anybody’s tracks, there’s no baby here, skelly-man.”

“really? heh heh, well that’s weird. most people who live in snowdin avoid the snow poffs.”

“…I had to move cause’ I missed my rent. This my home now.”

Sans laughed; his brother had no idea. “woooow, that sucks. i’d personally hate to live in a poop-igloo, but you do you man, ha ha ha!”

“What?” Papyrus poked his head out of the snow poff and looked down.

“yep. the reason the snow is built up in this area and nowhere else, is because this is where people dump their chamber pots.”

“…”

“the snow tends to build on top of the droppings and that’s what makes these little mounds, cool huh?”

“…”

“asgore is trying to get plumbing up and running, but it’ll be a while before THAT happens, what with the power issue and all. personally? i don’t see it happening. people make money gathering these snow poffs up to sell for fertilizer.”

Without saying a word, Papyrus climbed out of the snow poff and walked towards the Ruins. It was the longest route to a river, but at least it didn’t cut through town.

“papyrus?”

“Shut up.”

“aww, what’s wrong pappy? paaappyyyy-”

SPLASH!

The baby bones jumped into the river, using his wingdings to hold himself steady in order to keep from being swept away by the current.

“…”

“oh no, pappy! you can’t just hop into the river, the fishies will see your butt!”

“…”

“you know what you need to catch those doodies? what every baby needs?”

“Choke on bread.”

“a dia-”

SPLASH!  

“heh.”

[abarbaricyalp]

In A Hundred Lifetimes (i'd find you and i'd choose you)

@pynchpromptweek

Pynch, Prompt: Reincarnation/Historical AU, Rated: G

No Archive Warnings apply

You know you weren’t getting out of a prompt week without at least one thing that went multi-chaptered. More later ✌

AO3 Link

It was a bright spring Friday and Ronan Lynch was not in school because Richard Gansey III was not in Henrietta to annoy Ronan into going. He was in DC at some Gansey approved missed-school-day event, a rare occurrence for a family that didn’t even let Gansey take a day for his Grandmother’s funeral.

Ronan, for his part, was cheating on his day off because normally a missed school day would earn a lecture from Gansey about responsibility and education, but Ronan was exploring an old map he and Gansey had re-cobbled together that may or may not lead to a clue about Glendower, and Gansey couldn’t yell at him for that. He was much like his family in that regard--Ronan also got Gansey sanctioned skip days.

It was already late in the morning, the church’s ten o’clock bells had chimed half a mile ago and the scenery was beginning to look familiar, though Ronan couldn’t tell why. The map he and Gansey had been re-working  had taken them in an opposite direction from the ley-line and their previous endeavors. It was most of the reason that Gansey hadn’t given as much energy to it as he did to throwaway lines in journals and folktales.

Ronan came around a bended line of trees and realized with a start why these woods were familiar. He’d been skirting the property line of the Lynch Estate half the morning. As children, he and his brothers had never been allowed this far back in the wild forest surrounding their home, but a handful of times they hadn’t been stopped. The last time Ronan had been this far back had been the day he and his brother had been taken away from the Estate for forever, per his father’s will.

He also realized there was a tomb lid thrown across the clearing he was staring at.

Which was weird because there was no graveyard on the property and Niall Lynch certainly hadn’t been left at his murder site.

Ronan crept forward, hand slipping into his jacket pocket so his fingers could curl around the pocket knife there. He followed the deep scoring left by the lid in the dirt, though another thicket and out to a stream that eventually crossed through the Lynch property.

Hunkered over the water was a body.

They were facing away from him, but Ronan was pretty certain it was a man. He was tall and built, but still slim, bent over like he was on his knees, hands on the river bank, face almost in the water.

Stranger  still was his outfit. It was dusty but not really dirty and it looked like something out of a fantasy show, all brown robs and billowing shirts and tall boots. He was absolutely anachronistic.

Jesus, there was a psychopath right outside of his childhood home.

Or, worse yet, they were doing ren-fairs in the forest.

He stepped forward to confront the guy, because he was an idiot. But when a branch snapped under his foot, the man barely reacted, no more than throwing his arm out behind him. Then Ronan realized he couldn’t move. HE looked down and found vines snaking around his ankles, climbing up his legs

He yelped, tried to step back, fell flat on his ass.

“The water here is too fast for scrying,” the man said, like Ronan should know what the fuck that meant. “Why did you put me here?”

“I didn’t put you anywhere, you fucking weirdo,” Ronan snapped, struggling back to his feet.

The man turned and Ronan almost fell over again. Despite all the cobwebs hanging form his curly hair and the dust that covered his skin in a fine sheen, he was devastatingly handsome, all fine bones and striking colors.

“Who are you?” the man asked and had the gall to sound confused.

“Who am I?” Who the fuck are you?” Ronan demanded, shifting his feet in the vines.

“Even knights aren’t that stupid,” the man scoffed. “You woke me. You must know who I am. You must have found the king.”

“I didn’t fucking do anything to you. And I’m no fucking knight. What are you tripping on, dude?”

The man frowned at him and Ronan frowned back harder. He jerked away when the man reached a hand out, but it wasn’t like he could go very far. The man pressed his calloused, knobby, tanned hand over Ronan’s head, palm flat against his forehead, making Ronan self conscious of a scar right under it.

A sharp zap shot through Ronan--not quite electricity, more like the force that woke him before nightmares, like the feeling of Cabeswater falling in love with Gansey, like holding something dangerous and impossible when he awoke--and the man must’ve felt it too because he stumbled back.

“What are you?” he asked, wide eyed. “You’re...drowning in magic, but you’re no magician.”

Ronan’s eyes widened too and he repeated, “Who are you?”

The man was already rushing by Ronan and taking his vines with him. “My name’s Adam. I am a magician,” he said over his shoulder as he tore through the thicket again, making his way in a stumbling zig-zag back to the tomb.

Studying it now, Ronan realized why he’d never seen it around before. Dirt and soil and roots were still falling off of it and the ground around it was a breathing mound and sinkhole at once. The tomb had come out of the ground.

Adam had kneeled over the lid briefly, long fingers tracing over what looked like just stone to Ronan, before he was jumping up again and running to the tomb. He climbed into and Ronan’s stomach turned over when he realized the tomb had been made for Adam’s body exactly.

“What the fuck kind of shit are you into?” he asked, horrified.

Adam shot him an unamused look and went back to looking for what he wanted. “My name’s Adam Parrish,” he repeated.

“First son, house of God,” Ronan said. “Real subtle.”

“I’m the King’s magician. I’m supposed to wake the king when he’s found. I’m supposed to be brought back by a knight who has found the King in the world’s hour of need. I’m supposed to scry for his location, which begins the process of waking the King and his magic. The King and I are soul-bound. My magic is the only thing that can wake him.”

Ronan frowned deeply. His eyebrows even frowned. “Glendower shares a reincarnation mythos with King Arthur?”

Adam frowned deeply back at him and his eyebrows could do it too. “We based the soul-spell on King Arthur, yes, but I don’t know who Glendower is.”

“If you’re not looking for Glendower, who could you possibly be--” Ronan started, but Adam was climbing back out of the tomb and stumbling away to hold his hands against the trees around them. “Wait, wait, wait, back up. How do I know you’re not just some guy tripping out here?” he asked. Because only him and Gansey were crazy enough to search for dead Welsh kings without any kind of substance abuse involved.

Adam shot a disbelieving look at him. “I know you felt my magic, but fine.” He crossed over to Ronan on long legs and grabbed Ronan’s hand, turned it over, ran his calloused fingers over Ronan’s palm. “Your wisdom line is hidden by the rest. You don’t show your intelligence very often, but you’re very smart. Your life has been extremely hard. It breaks at one point, you almost died. But even before that, something terrible happened to you that changed you forever. You changed track entirely,” he said, following a bend in a line on Ronan’s hand. “You love deeply, but in secret. You’re hiding something. You hide your feelings all the time, but there’s a bigger secret you’re hiding when it comes to love.”

Ronan snatched his hand back and shoved it back in his jacket pocket. “Lucky fucking guess,” he muttered.

Adam rolled his eyes and went back to the trees. “This place is somewhere special to you, but I can’t figure out what. You’re disconnected from it now. Someone took it from you.”

“Enough, you circus-tent freak.”

“What is a circus?” Adam asked, sounded just as lost as ever.

Ronan brought his hand up to his face and let out a suffering groan. “Listen...just...what king are you looking for if not Glendower? My friend and I have been searching for him for years. We haven’t found anything about any other kings being buried out here.”

Adam held his hands against the trees for a moment longer before apparently not getting an answer he wanted. “What do you mean what King? Haven’t the stories survived? Someone woke me. Someone found him.”

“Who woke you? Who found him? Found who?” Ronan demanded.

Adam ran a hand through his hair and looked at the middle distance. “King Richard Gansey. Someone found Gansey.”

[duhragonball]

Dragon Ball Z Movie 12: Fusion Reborn (2/6)

This time around, I’ll try to explain just what Janemba is, exactly, and why he’s a big deal.  But to do that, we have to get through the first ten minutes of this movie, so...

Movie 12 opens at the Grand Kai Planet, then pans to an asteroid orbiting the planet, where there’s a stadium hosting a tournament.    I never really paid attention to it before, but this is a whole other venue than the one used in DBZ 196-199.    If nothing else, this arena has a big green ring.   It looks like it’s made ouf of jade or something.   It’s a really nice touch.

I always assumed that the idea here was to hold a second Otherworld Tournament, since the one from Episodes 196-199 ended without a winner.    Then again, it’s been seven years since that event, so it seems odd that they would have waited so long.   On the other hand, everyone involved is either dead or a Kai, so seven years may not seem like that long a wait.  

King Kai, also known as the North Kai, is feeling really confident, since his top fighter, Goku, dominated the last tournament.   As before, East Kai and South Kai’s camps aren’t doing very well at all.   

But South Kai is still confident, since one of his fighters is still in the semifinals.   The subs refer to him as “Clove”, but I’m pretty sure he’s talking about Frog, or “Frogue” as he’s credited in the Funimation version.

So he and King Kai bicker about who’s gonna win, but Goku beats Frogue with a single kick, and I’m pretty sure the bout was shorter than their argument. 

Meanwhile, Pikkon defeats Aqua, aka Argua, in the other semifinal match.   I guess Aqua must have improved over the past seven years to have made it this far.

So that eliminates the East and South Galaxies from the tournement.    South Kai immediately starts rooting for Pikkon just to spite King Kai.   It’s kind of weird how Pikkon is a West Galaxy guy, but we don’t hear a lot from West Kai in this movie.    Maybe South Kai got the nod because he was actually in the manga, so he’s more “canonical” than the West or East Kais. 

So the final match is Goku vs. Pikkon, in a rematch of their epic match from Episodes 198 and 199.   That ended in a draw when both men touched the ceiling of the arena, and maybe that’s why they switched the venue this time.  

Both men do Respect Knuckles and the match begins.  

What I like about this movie is that this isn’t even the main story, but it totally could have been.  Toei did a five episode arc about the Grand Kai holding a tournament of all these dead fighters.  They could have done a movie that was just a sequel to that arc.   I don’t know how well-received it would have been, but I would have gone for it.    Maybe a new fighter dies and joins this group in the afterlife, and Goku has trouble against him.   Maybe you have Broly escape hell and crash the tournament.  There’s a lot of cool things you can do with this, but you could just have Goku and Pikkon fight some more.

But Movie 12 has even bigger things to get to, so this is just a scene to establish some of the characters.   And that’s how this movie rolls.  You could expand this story into a twenty-or-thirty-episode saga very easily.   

So we move on to King Yemma’s place, which the dub refers to as the “Check-In Station.”   I’m not super-familiar with Japanese mythology concerning the afterlife, but my understanding is that when you die, you go to King Yemma for judgement.     DBZ satirizes this idea by having the dead people’s souls wait in line, and all the oni who work for Yemma are like white collar wage slaves, and King Yemma has a desk with a big rubber stamp to notarize each soul’s fate.

In this particular scene, they’re having a busy day, probably echoing the episodes from the Buu Saga where millions of people were showing up every few minutes while Majin Buu was wiping out the Earth’s population.   Yemma’s basically zipping right through these guys, which I think is meant to be ironic.   I feel like the real King Yemma is supposed to take longer to examine a person’s moral character.  

Anyway, if you get sent to Heaven, you’re escorted to this big aircraft that flies you to a planet somewhere in Otherworld.     We’ll see it later in the Fusion Saga, but the plane was last seen in Episode 195, although Goku used a second, smaller plane to travel to the Grand Kai Planet. 

On the other hand, I’m pretty sure this hole that opens up in the wall is new.   In Episode 195, Goku and King Kai just walked through a doorway.

If you’re condemned to Hell, you have to go through a machine to cleanse your soul of evil.  I was under the impression that hell itself was meant to do that, but this franchise can never make up its mind about how hell works. 

According to Episode 237, when you’re a bad person and you die, you don’t get to keep your body like Goku did, and your soul is eventually purged of memory, and reincarnated as a new life form.    I don’t know how much of that is based on actual Japanese mythology, if any, but at least in DBZ, the idea of hell is not to act as a place of eternal suffering for the wicked.    It’s more like a very long jail sentence, designed to redeem the wicked so that they can proceed onto reincarnation or maybe some other phase of existence.   The suffering is part of the rehabilitation process.

I think that’s why Frieza still had his body in Movie 15, even after so many years in hell.    They let him keep it, but only so he could experience greater torment.   In theory, he would get so worn down that he would come to accept his punishment as the rightful consequence of all his evil deeds, and then his body would dissipate and he would lose his memory and identity.    But Frieza’s such a hateful bitch that he hung in there long enough to get wished back to life.  

On the other hand, these souls are all formless clouds.   It seems like only important characters get to keep their bodies in hell.   That may just be a convenience for the audience, or maybe stronger bad guys can maintain their physical form more easily.   Maybe that’s why they didn’t send Frieza through this machine.    He would have gummed up the works and broken it.    Maybe it’s only used for the not-so-evil souls who are easier to deal with.   Instead of spending 100,000 years climbing the needle mountain, they can just go through the cleansing machine and move on.

Whatever the case, this movie establishes that a machine cleans souls and extracts their evil residue in the form of a dark purple liquid that gets stored in special tanks.  

And they have an oni on duty to keep an eye on things and switch out the tanks when they get full.    But it’s a dull job, and the pay sucks, so he listens to a Walkman and plays air guitar to help pass the time.

But King Yemma’s sending an awful lot of people to hell today.   He’s not even taking a break for lunch.   So that waste tank’s going to fill up quickly.

Okay, I just realized that all of these guys wear tiger-striped clothes, and I think that’s because oni in folklore wear tiger-skins.   They do in Yu Yu Hakusho, and I assume they dress a little more authentically there.    Their version of King Yemma is treated like a bigger deal.    Anyway, one of the older workers scolds the Tank Clerk for slacking off, and threatens him with a pay cut.  

He also points out the rapidly filling tank, and the clerk seems enthusiastic about switching it, but he never actually does.

I really dig this guy’s jacket.   That skull and crossbones looks cool.

But soon enough, there’s an overload on the waste system, and the line breaks.   I guess the oni don’t believe in relief flanges, but maybe spiritual waste is too hazardous to release into the atmosphere.     Well, it’s happening now.

Tank Clerk knows right away that he’s screwed.   He’s worried for his job, and he has no idea what to do about a spill this big.    I think it’s more than just the one tank breaking.    Like, somehow it set off a chain reaction that blew all the other tanks they had sitting nearby.   Man, OSHA would have a field day with this place.   Why is Tank Clerk wearing shorts to work when he’s surrounded by toxic waste?    What good is a fire extinguisher going to do?   Does he have no idea how to respond to this situation?   Who here does?

But then things go from bad to worse, as the spirit waste mutates him into some sort of bizarre creature.  

Yeah, you might want to have a doctor take a look at that.

As soon as King Yemma hears what’s going on, he shits a brick.   Those tanks contained accumulated evil from countless souls that have been through that cleansing machine.    Why didn’t they dispose of any of it?   Can it be destroyed?   Is that Beerus’ job?  Like he just shows up every hundred years and zaps the full tanks into oblivion?   Well, he won’t be invented for another 18 years, so Yemma’s on his own for this one.

As for Tank Clerk, well he looks like this now.   

Then he sits on top of Yemma’s building and... I’m not really sure what this is.   Let’s start over.    So this monster that was once the Tank Clerk only says one word, and that’s “Janemba”, which isn’t even a word, I think.   So everyone calls him that like it’s his name.  

Apparently his power is some sort of reality manipulation?   That’s pretty vague, actually, since manipulating reality implies you can basically do anything, but what else can I call this?   Janemba creates all these huge jellybean-looking crystals, and some of them used to be other objects, but maybe others were created from nothing.    I think he encased Yemma’s palace in a crystal, but it sort of looks like he distorted the building at the same time.

Inside, things look pretty normal, but there’s some crystal formations within the building, and one of the ogres gets encased in it himself.  

Also, Janemba can project his image in different parts of these crystals.    Maybe this is meant to be simple reflections and refractions, but it seems more magical than that.  

Yemma seems to understand what’s going on better than I do, but there’s nothing he can do about it.    Janemba is the result of the tank clerk being possessed by the evil ki in the spirit waste.    This gave him the ability to surround Yemma’s domain with a barrier, and that barrier has suspended Yemma’s control over the boundary between the living world and the afterlife.   The only way to stop it is to defeat Janemba, and Yemma can’t very well do this while he’s trapped in his own stronghold.  

As I think about it, I sort of wonder if it’s not just the spiritual waste and the evil ki it contains that gave Janemba this power.    Maybe it has something to do with the Tank Clerk as well, since he’s an oni.    Alone, he’s just a lowly subordinate of Yemma, but he must have some sort of power in matters of the living and the dead, and maybe all this evil ki amplified that to make him strong enough to thwart King Yemma.

But that only explains “how”.   There’s still the question of “why?”   It’s often pointed out that Janemba is a pretty weak villain because he doesn’t talk and he has no apparent goals or motives.   But I think that’s a common trait with a lot of Dragon Ball villains.  

Pilaf and Piccolo wanted to conquer the world, but I’m pretty sure both guys only said that because that’s such a stock answer.    It’s a vague expression of desire for power and control, but Pilaf can’t even run more than two people at a time, and Piccolo only wanted to rule the world so he could destroy its people and stick it to Kami.   I think you can lump in with that all the bad guys who wanted to be immortal:  Garlic Junior, Frieza, Vegeta.   Lord Slug only wished for youth, but that’s just because he lacked the imagination to wish or immortality.    The ultimate point was just to eliminate any threats to their existing power.  

Then you have guys like Turles and Dr. Wheelo, who only seemed to be interested in acquiring greater power for themselves.  There were hints in Movies 2 and 3 about what those guys would do with their power once they had enough.   Wheelo would probably continue doing evil experiments on the world, and Turtles maybe would have overthrown Frieza, but Turles strikes me as a free spirit, and he only wanted to be strong enough to keep guys like Frieza from hassling him.    For all we know, Dr. Wheelo only wanted Goku’s body because he missed having sex.   

Then you’ve got the revenge squad: Dr. Gero, Cooler, Crane Hermit, Paragus, Broly ‘93, Lord Jaguar, Babidi.   All of these guys wanted blood in exchange for some personal slight that really isn’t worth it.   Well, Jaguar didn’t actually want to kill anyone, but that only makes him an idiot.    You don’t clone an army of bio-warriors unless you want someone dead.  

The point I’m getting at here is that most of these guys have really lousy motivations, and that doesn’t even get into the villains with seemingly no motivations at all. 

Commander Red wanted to be taller, which is so stupid he kept it a secret because he knew it was stupid, and the only guy he told ended up shooting him in the face because of how stupid it was.   

Mercenary Tao was in it for money, even though he famously never paid for anything.  

Tien wanted to kill people because he looked up to killers until they started killing people he liked.

Android 17 and Cell wanted to have fun.   I’d throw 18 into that group, but honestly, I think she just sort of went along with whatever 17 did, which is almost sadder.

Who the hell knows what Bojack wanted?    He got killed before he could really spell it out. 

And then you have Majin Buu, who doesn’t even understand his own motivations.   He thought he only killed people for fun, and then when he decided it was wrong, he stopped, only to transform into another form who wanted to fight, and then another form who killed people for its own sake.

Now these are all really shitty motivations, and yet at the same time a lot of these guys are classic villains.   That’s because the thesis of Dragon Ball is that power without purpose is self-defeating.    Goku uses his strength to improve himself and help others.   The bad guys always try to use their power for selfish reasons, and it always leads to empty achievements.   Conquests they can’t enjoy, endless searches for fulfillment, and pointless scrambling for even greater power.    Any fool with a weapon can murder someone, so what difference does it make to rule the world or be the strongest in the universe if that’s all you know to do with your time?

What’s all of this have to do with Janemba?   Remember, he’s been possessed with evil ki from a multitude of wicked souls.    In other words, he’s got the distilled essence of the same thing that made all those other bad guys tick.    Frieza, King Piccolo, whoever your favorite is, Janemba’s got the same urges times a billion.   And this is what he’s become:

Just some goofy man-child-thing that only knows how to hit people and say his own name.   He’s powerful, sure, but he doesn’t know what to do with all that power.  I think it’s safe to assume he could do a lot more than we see in this movie, but this is as far as his imagination goes.   

And that does resemble Majin Buu in a lot of ways.   Let’s face it, Janemba is clearly a knockoff of Buu.    I don’t think that’s a big shocker from a movie series that gave us such bold ideas as “Evil Goku” and “Frieza’s Brother” and “More Androids.”

But I do think Janemba has a bit more to offer than that, because unlike Buu, we get to witness his origin.    Think about all the souls who went through that spirit cleansing machine.    All of their evil desires were stripped away and concentrated into Janemba.   What was their one common thought, the one sentiment that united them all?  What was the one experience they all shared and would want to avenge?    Here’s a hint:

I submit that Janemba represents the combined loathing of millions of souls towards King Yemma.   But Yemma’s not their enemy; he’s just doing his job.   The universe is designed to have Yemma pass judgement on the dead.    That’s just the way it works.    And once those damned souls pass through the cleanser, they can appreciate that with a newfound clarity.    But the evil residue they left behind?   That stuff is still sore about it.  

And, to a point, I think that spiritual waste can find a kindred spirit in Tank Clerk, since he’s also kind of frustrated with the Way Things Are.   He’d rather goof off and listen to his tunes, but he has to go to work and pay attention to his job.    That’s no one’s fault, that’s just life.   I don’t think Tank Clerk was ever angry about it, but the spirit waste comes from people who were, and when they got mixed together...

... You end up with a monster who’s made it his business to rebel against the natural order of the universe.   He traps King Yemma, but doing so causes dominoes to fall all over creation.    Maybe Janemba understands the consequences of this, or maybe he doesn’t, but he isn’t concerned with consequences.   He’s just lashing out like a child who’s mad that he can’t have his own way.    Well, your own way wrecks things for everyone else, Janemba, as we’ll soon see...

[cottontail20]

The Domestic Life Of The Vision And His Witch, Chapter 24: The Special Favor

Summary: Tony takes Peter and Vision on a visit to the Sanctum Sanctorum.

Ao3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18461504/chapters/49413509

As they drove, Tony would periodically hum the tune of 'We're off to see the Wizard'. Vision had eventually extracted the information that the 'Wizard' was Doctor Stephen Strange, a sorcerer who had fought Thanos on the planet Titan alongside Peter, Tony, and a ragtag gang of space travelers known as the Guardians of the Galaxy.

"I think you met some of them, actually. Not the same guys that fought with the kid and me, though.. Thor took a couple of them to Earth" said Tony, thinking. "Uh, Sprocket and Toot?"

"Rocket and Groot" Vision corrected him. He had only met the pair relatively briefly, but it was impossible to forget being introduced to a talking raccoon and his best friend the sentient tree.

"Right" Tony nodded. "Well, we fought with the rest of their team, and the Wizard.."

"Okay.." Vision couldn't help still feeling a little confused. "So, we're going to see this Wizard, Doctor Strange, because you think he might be able to help with my proposal plans.."

"Mmhm.."

"And Peter is coming with us, because.."

"Mr. Stark thinks Doctor Strange likes me more than him" Peter explained with a shrug. "I think he hopes bringing someone Doctor Strange likes will be good for you."

"Exactly, kid" Tony grinned. "We're buttering up the wizard." --

Sometime later, they parked outside a large building on Bleecker Street, with an unusual roof and strangely designed windows.

"Whoa!" Peter looked up, a little awestruck, as he got out of the car. "Neither of you guys ever noticed there was something cool and unusual about this building before?"

"There are plenty of other unusual buildings in New York, kid" said Tony defensively, locking the car once they were all out. "And the Avengers have had a lot of important shit to deal with these last couple of years, shit that didn't leave a lot of extra time for admiring architecture."

"You should think about watching your potty mouth" Vision commented, his inner Dad creeping out. He was donning his human disguise, even though this was probably a little pointless since he was with Tony. "Especially since you have a.." He glanced at Peter, and quickly fell quiet.

"It's okay, the kid knows" Tony replied, to which Peter nodded happily. "And you're right about the potty mouth, I'm working on it. Shall we head inside?"

"Yes, I suppose we should" Vision nodded.

Tony nudged Peter in front of him as they headed for the door. Peter knocked, and there soon came a voice from the other side of the door.

"State your business."

"Um, hello Mr. Wizard.. sorcerer.. sir" Peter began, before Tony, recognizing the voice, interrupted him.

"Hey, Wong. We need to see Strange."

"Oh, Mr. Stark" The door opened, and a man, Wong, apparently, let them in. "Thank you again for inviting me to your Wedding. The food was brilliant.." --

"You'll have to wait a moment" Wong apologized as he led them into the Sanctum's lobby. "He's meditating.."

"Actually, Wong, I just finished" said a voice, as a man in an unusual outfit, complete with a strangely animated looking red cloak, made his way down the stairs.

Well, thought Vision, he definitely did look like a wizard.

"Hi, Doctor Strange!" Peter waved.

"Hey, Parker" The corners of Strange's mouth quirked upwards in what looked like a fond smile. "How'd your project go?"

"A+" Peter grinned. "Thanks for your help!"

Tony stared at Peter, suddenly scandalized.

"You asked the Wizard for help with your Homework?"

"Well, it was a Human Biology assignment" Peter replied sheepishly. "He's a Doctor."

"Don't worry, Stark, I'm sure you're still the kid's favorite" Strange rolled his eyes. "Now, why exactly are you here?"

"We're here for him, actually" Tony pointed to Vision.

Vision let his disguise drop, holding out a hand.

"It is nice to meet you, Doctor Strange. I'm.."

"Vision" Strange finished for him. "I have to say, I've been hoping to meet you for a while.."

"You have?" Vision suddenly felt a little self-conscious.

"Thanos would not have been defeated without you" Strange continued. "And Miss Maximoff, of course. She was very brave. You must be proud of her."

"I am" Vision smiled. "Very proud."

"Good. What was it that you needed, Vision?"

"Well, I am planning on asking Wanda to marry me.."

"Wonderful. When will this happy event take place?"

"Soon, I hope. I wanted to ask her in a location special to us, and that's where I've run into a little bit of trouble" Vision continued. "The most special place I can think of is in New Zealand, but we have young children, so under normal circumstances that would be much too far away if there were any sort of emergency. But, Tony seemed to think that you might be able to help, somehow.."

"You would like me to transport you and Miss Maximoff to your romantic location," Strange guessed, "And also bring you back so that you do not have to spend too long away from your children?"

"Yes.. If possible, and if it's not too much trouble."

"Consider it done."

"Really?" Vision's eyes lit up. "Thank you!"

"No problem" said Strange. "Just make sure you give me a decent amount of notice."

"Wait" Tony frowned, having expected a little more of a fight. "That's it? No trying to convince you to do it?"

"Nope" Strange smirked.

"Then how come you didn't zap me to that party in the Bahamas a few months ago that I didn't have time to fly to?" Tony almost pouted.

"Because, as I told you at the time, that would be a stupid and irresponsible use of a sling ring. This, however, is a one-off special favor for the couple who more or less saved the world."

Tony opened his mouth to argue, then sighed, relenting.

"Okay, Wizard. Point taken."

Vision just grinned. It seemed like everything was finally coming together just how he wanted it. Very soon, he would propose to the love of his life.

[mobius-prime]

68. Special - Sonic Blast

Previous / Table of Contents / Next

Sonic Blast

Writer: Mike Gallagher Pencils: Art Mawhinney Colors: Karl Bollers

So, as you might have guessed, this special issue is based off the Sonic Blast game, in which Sonic rescues Flickies - small nonsentient birds - and transports them and himself through magic rings. The intro page gives us a little detail on how Flickie Island is apparently the "last unspoiled ecosystem on Mobius," but of course, now that Robotnik's gotten wind of such a place existing, he's determined to pollute and exploit it. But Sonic the Environmentalisthog won't let such a dastardly thing happen!

Funnily enough, the way that the Freedom Fighters find out about Robotnik's plans is because of Snively, who is still pissed at Robotnik for the events of the Sonic Quest miniseries. Thus, he decides to broadcast Robotnik secretly to the entirety of Knothole as revenge, while Robotnik rambles on and on about his plans. Sally comes to find Sonic sitting at the beach, and finds him rather sulky, thinking about how she lied before about her extensive history with Knuckles. To put his jealousy over the echidna to rest, she decides to flirt with him in perhaps the most uncomfortable way imaginable.

Sorry, Sally, but really? "You know how to bristle, don't you"? What does that even mean? Do you get all hot and bothered when he shows his spines to you or something? And dear lord what is that painful expression you make when you get close to his face? Are you trying to kiss him? It looks more like you just got sucker punched in the mouth and now your lips are all puffed up and swollen from it. Art, buddy, I know you generally go for a more cartoony style in your drawings but damn it, you can do a better almost-kiss face than that.

Anyway, they of course get interrupted by the news about Robotnik before they can make out, and Sonic sets out with Tails and Rotor in their respective submarine vehicles to Flickie Island to stop Robotnik from causing any trouble. Luckily for the plot, Robotnik's already there, on the hunt for the Chaos Emerald he's sure is around here somewhere, and is taking advantage of the small cute birds' trusting nature to turn them into his robotic slaves.

Shocking behavior, Ivo! By the time Sonic and co. reach the island, the roboticized Flickies are already swarming around the place, and divebomb them when they try to investigate. However, by chance some of them land in the water, and come out reverted back to their organic forms. Sonic decides to test this theory using some speed superpowers that, if tried in any real-life setting, would probably explode the universe from the sheer amount of energy released. I distinctly remember discussing this exact scene with some friends several years ago, and how utterly ridiculous it is, but then again, we're debating the physics of Sonic the Hedgehog here.

I mean, for real, he could have gotten the same effect by just splashing it really hard. Way to show off, man.

Anyway, Sonic then fearlessly dives into the water, proving once again how different he is from every counterpart of his in other canons, and heads into the heart of the island while Rotor and Tails battle their way up the beach using some spare super-soakers they had on hand. Sonic soon happens upon Robotnik with the help of a random Flickie, and they duke it out for a bit - interestingly hand-to-hand. Normally Robotnik relies on minions and robots to defend himself physically from Sonic, but apparently he's given his costume a few upgrades this time around, being able to shoot lasers from his robotic arm, zap Sonic to disorient him, and then tie him up in his indestructible cape once they make it through the magic ring leading to the Flickies' home zone.

Robotnik is sure this is where his prized Chaos Emerald must be located, and sure enough, he finds it embedded in the forehead of a giant stone Flickie statue. Hooray for Ivo! Oh… wait…

Wow, Robotnik is an advocate of religious tolerance now? He's certainly come a long way from the issue where he declared his ban on religious freedom.

Robotnik soon finds himself on the run for his life, emerald in hand and zone collapsing, and by the time he reaches the ring, Sonic's already managed to shred the cape he's wrapped in with more supersonic powers. They manage to get through before the zone collapses, but…

See, I find it unnecessary for Sonic to have saved Robotnik at all. Sure he would have lost his arm trying to hold onto the emerald, which would surely have been a horrific souvenir for the Flickies left in the zone, just a big flabby severed arm flopping down onto the ground with the symbol of the owner's greed still clutched in its fingers, but that's not the point. That's his only organic arm - his other is cybernetic. Clearly, at some point in the past Robotnik either lost an arm, or willingly sacrificed it to augment himself with robotic parts, but either way he's no stranger to having a prosthetic arm. I feel like losing his other one would be at worst a minor inconvenience until he built himself a new one, which let's be real, would be even stronger than his organic arm and therefore better by his standards.

Either way, he ends up not losing the arm, but is forced to leave the emerald behind. Rotor and Tails then show up to inform him that in the meantime, they already deroboticized all the other Flickies and sent them back through the ring to their home zone, so they're now forever out of his reach. They then leave in their submarines, marooning Robotnik on the island. This is actually like one of the first really smart decisions they've made regarding him, honestly. Sure he'll find a way to get off, but these guys spend way too much time and energy saving him from his own hubris and thus leaving him alive to murder more innocents.

The T.U.F.F. Awards

Writer: Angelo DeCesare Pencils: Dave Manak Colors: Karl Bollers

This is really just more of a silly couple pages than an actual story. Sonic and Sally are hosting the T.U.F.F. ("The Ultimate Freedom Fighter") Awards, and giving out awards for "Most X Freedom Fighter" to everyone. Unfortunately, Rotor was in charge of deciding who won each award, and apparently has terrible judgment.

In the end, Sally claims the "Smartest Freedom Fighter" award for herself, claiming that she's earned it when she turns out the lights on the show. Good job, Sally, cause honestly it wasn't interesting at all.

Bugged Bunnie

Writer: Angelo DeCesare Pencils: Dave Manak Colors: Karl Bollers

What a pun! Robotnik and Snively sneak up on Bunnie while she's napping in the grass to plant a tracking bug on her in the hopes that when she wakes up she'll lead them back to Knothole. Unfortunately for them, she's a rabbit, and thus is able to traverse terrain they really can't by hopping long distances (her robotic lower half helps too). Ultimately, she jumps over a gap too far for them, and they're forced to leave, trusting their bug, which they really shouldn't have.

Oh yeah, you see where this is going. The little mole (or… whatever it is. Gopher? Prairie dog?) takes the bug deep underground, and thus later that night Robotnik and Snively are stuck digging for hours, sure they're close to finding the secret village! Good job, guys.

[hiim-nico]

Kaminari has Terrible Pickup  Lines {Kamisero}

This is actually fluffy as shit. There are 31 parts, but they’ll all be in this post. 

Word count: 6190

Monday morning was the first time it happened.

“Hey, Sero!” Kaminari called after him. Sero stopped, turning around to look at the blond who was jogging to catch up to him.

“What’s up, Kami?” Sero asked once the blond caught up to him and had stopped. Even if he had a crush on the guy, he had to at least act normal. Kaminari was his best friend after all.

“If you were a fruit, you’d be a fineapple.” Kaminari winked at the stuttering mess of a boy and ran up to Ashido who was several yards ahead of Sero.

The second time, they were in math class that same day. They had been talking about triangles.

Kaminari had given Kirishima a note to pass to Sero. Written on it was the following:

“If you were a triangle, you’d be acute one.

-Kami ;)”

Sero blushed like mad and hid his face in his hands.

Sero was walking in the park after school that day, trying to get thoughts of one Denki Kaminari out of his head. That was until the object of his thoughts came up to him and began talking.

“Are you lost, Sero? Because heaven is a long way from here.”

Sero thought he might actually spontaneously combust by how red his face was.

The 2 boys walked around the park for a while, following a stream until there was a beaver dam blocking the water.

“Hey, Sero?”

“Yeah?”

“Are you a beaver? Cause dam.”

Sero wished the ground would swallow him up.

The next day, they were changing into their hero costumes when Kaminari whispered to him.

“Hey, Sero?”

“Hmmm.”

“Do you have a tan, or do you always look this hot?”

Kaminari winked at him and he could feel his entire body heat up. His face was probably redder than Kirishima’s hair.  

After school, the pair of boys was in the library studying.

“Sero, if you were a library book, I would check you out.”

Sero blushed and said, “Kaminari, you don’t even check out library books.”

“I know. That’s what makes you so special.”

Sero’s face looked like a rotten tomato.

They were in class the day after that. Kaminari had just broken the tip of his pencil when they were working on some class work together.

“This pencil is like my life without you,” Kaminari had said, holding the pencil up to show Sero.

“Oh? And how is that?”

“It’s pointless.” Kaminari smiled and Sero blushed redder than a fire truck.

Sero had tied him up in hero training later that day and was walking towards him to untie him when it came.

“I wish I was cross-eyed so I can see you twice.”

Sero decided Kaminari could stay tied up a little longer while his face calmed down, much to Kaminari’s protest.

They were on a field trip this time, going to a hero museum.

“Sero, I must be in a museum-”

“You are in a museum.” Sero cut him off, but Kaminari continued talking like he hadn’t said anything at all.

“Because you truly are a work of art.”

And yeah, Sero was a blushing mess again.

The Bakusquad had gone out for dinner. Mina had ordered the chicken, Kirishima had ordered a steak, Bakugou had ordered something spicy, Kaminari had ordered the same as Mina, and Sero had ordered the same as Kirishima.

When their food arrived, Kaminari leaned over to Sero to whisper, “If you were a chicken, you’d be impeccable.”

“You’re such a dork,” Sero said back, hiding his now beet red face in his hands.

It was after school and the 2 boys were hanging out in the common room, snacking on some carrot sticks.

“Hey, Sero?”

“Are you going to use another pickup line on me?”

“Maybe.”

“Well, let’s hear it then.”

“If you were a vegetable, you’d be a-”

“A cutecumber. I’ve heard that one before.”

Kaminari just pouted, which Sero found adorable.

They were in geography class and studying America and its states. Kaminari passed another note through Kirishima.

“Are you from Tennessee? Because you’re the only 10 I see.

-Kami;)”

Sero glanced over at the blond, which was a mistake because Kaminari was grinning at him and as soon as he caught Sero’s glance, he winked.

Sero looked away and attempted to cover the blush on his cheeks.

The boys had gone to a vending machine during lunch to get a soda each. Kaminari turned to Sero after the taller boy had gotten a cherry Coke from the machine.

“Your name must be Coca-Cola because you’re so-da-licious.”

“I don’t get it,” Sero said, furrowing his eyebrows and looking at the blond, puzzled.

“So-da-licious. Like, soda. Because Coke is a soda. But also like delicious. Because you’re absolutely delectable to look at.” At the flustered and still confused look from Sero, Kaminari sighed in exasperation. “Nevermind. It works better if you write it out.”

Sero wasn’t even sure where this one came from, but Kaminari spit it out nevertheless.

“Are you Australian? Because you meet all of my koala-fications.”

“Where did that even come from?”

“Well, I saw that tree and it has leaves and koalas eat leaves so I thought of koalas.” Kaminari shrugged.

“I have no idea how those connections happened in that stupid little head of yours.”

Kaminari pouted again.

They were changing out of their hero costumes this time, and Sero was shirtless.

Kaminari whistled and fanned himself with his hand. “Oi, Sero. Is it hot in here or is it just you?”

While Sero’s face was heating up, Bakugou turned and let off a few explosions, yelling “STOP FLIRTING WITH HIM RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME, YOU KNOCKOFF PIKACHU. IT’S FUCKING DISGUSTING.”

Sero was currently pulling on his shirt, hoping nobody could see the redness in his cheeks, although all of them had gotten used to seeing Sero so flustered around Kaminari.

Kirishima was restraining Bakugou and Sero took to dragging Kaminari by the back of his shirt. “C’mon, Kami, before you get yourself killed.”

Kaminari was pouting again, and Sero could honestly say he would die right now if he could die of cuteness.

They were in the cafeteria for lunch this time. Kaminari was sitting next to Sero on one side of the table, and on the other side was Ashido, Kirishima, and Bakugou.

“Hey, Sero,” Kaminari said, turning to the boy beside him.

“I swear to God if you’re about to use some shitty pickup line I might actually barf.” That was Bakugou.

“Yeah, what is it, Kami?” Sero responded, ignoring what Bakugou had just said.

“What does it feel like to be the most beautiful person in the room?”

“I have no idea. Kaminari, what does it feel like to be the most beautiful person in the room?”

Kaminari was blushing at that one.

Bakugou started yelling. “I’LL TELL YOU TWO LOSERS HOW IT FEELS. IT FEEL FUCKING GREAT.”

Kirishima quickly shut him up by clamping a hand over his mouth. “Babe, be quiet and let them have their moment.”

Kaminari seemed nervous this time. Like ‘twiddling his thumbs, looking down at the ground, biting his lip’ nervous.

“Hey, Sero?” His voice was smaller, less confident. Sero didn’t like it much. He preferred the extra confident Denki Kaminari everybody knew to this version.

“What is it, Kami?” Come to think of it, this was the only time Kaminari had shown up at his dorm room unexpectedly by himself. If he did ever show up unannounced, he was usually with another member of the Bakusquad. But today he was by himself, and that was a little odd.

“Um,” Kaminari scratched the back of his neck, a nervous habit of his Sero had picked up on. “Are you my appendix? Because I don’t understand how you work but this feeling in my stomach makes me want to take you out.”

Sero was speechless for a few moments, and Kaminari looked dejected.

“Sorry, I shouldn’t have asked. Just forget I said anything.”

“No, wait,” Sero said, placing a hand on the electric blond’s arm. “Are you…” He paused, thinking a moment. “Are you asking me out?”

“Uh, yeah. I’ve been flirting with you, like, all wee-”

“Wait, you were, like, actually flirting with me? It wasn’t just a prank or something?”

“Yes, I was actually flirting with you. Why would that be a prank?”

“I don’t know, sometimes the stuff you do doesn’t really make sense.”

There was a beat of uncomfortable silence.

“So, um, you never really answered my question. Well, it wasn’t really a question but it was kinda implied there was a question there so-”

“Yes.”

“What?” Kaminari looked up at Sero from where he had previously been looking at the carpet underneath his feet.

“Yeah, I’d love to go out with you.”

“Really? You really mean that?” Kaminari was practically vibrating with excitement and the air around him was crackling from his quirk.

“Yes, I really mean it. Now calm down before you zap me.” Sero had long taken his hand off the other boy’s arm as a safety precaution.

“Oh, yeah. Sorry about that.” Kaminari reined in his quirk and made sure it didn’t accidentally zap his- Wait. What should he call Sero? Crush wasn’t the right word anymore, but it seemed to early to call him a boyfriend. It didn’t matter really, because he was going on a date with Hanta Sero, the boy he’d had a crush on from the minute they’d met. Kaminari was ecstatic. And if the massive smile on his face was anything to go by, Sero was pretty happy too.

“So, um, when are you free?” Kaminari asked, a little timidly. He hadn’t actually thought he’d get this far, but he had a list of ideas for the perfect first date. Man, Ashido was gonna go wild when she heard about this.

“Well, Friday and Saturday we have the remedial lessons, but on Sunday I don’t really have anything to do.”

“Yeah, I’m free on Sunday too.” He really wasn’t. He had promised Kirishima he would study with him, but he hoped to God the redhead would understand. “Does noon work?”

“Yeah, noon works for me.”

“Alright. See you tomorrow, Ser-”

“Hanta. Call me Hanta.”

“Alright, Hanta. See you tomorrow.”

“Yeah, see you tomorrow, Ka-”

“Try again.”

“Denki. See you tomorrow, Denki.”

“Better.”

And with that, Denki walked away.

It was after their first date, which had not been totally free from the stupid pickup lines Denki had been using all week when another one of said pickup lines came.

“Hey, um, Hanta?”

“Yeah, what’s up, Denki?”

“I, uh, I had a really good time tonight.”

“I had a good time too.”

“So, um, if I were to ask you out again, would your answer be the same as the answer to this question?”

“Absolutely,” Hanta said after analyzing what Denki had said.

Denki’s face brightened up at that. “Really?”

“Of course, Denki. Would I lie?”

Denki laughed. “I guess not.”

“It’s settled then. We’re going on another date. Next week, 5 o’clock on Sunday?”

“Sure, I’d like that a lot.”

“Okay, well, now that that’s settled, we should probably start heading back or we’re gonna miss curfew and Aizawa’s gonna yell at us like the dad he is.” And with that, Hanta grabbed Denki’s hand and ran across the street, dragging his date along after him.

Denki and Hanta were hanging out in the taller boy’s room where Hanta was trying to pick out what to wear for some fancy party his parents were dragging him to.

“Which is better, this one,” Hanta asked, holding up a teal blue shirt with a black vest, “or this one?” He said, holding up a deep purple shirt with a black vest that had white pinstripes on it.

“You know what you would look really beautiful in?” Denki commented absentmindedly, sitting on the bed. “My arms.”

“Oh, my god, Denki. Now is not the time for your pickup lines. Just help me pick out a shirt.”

“Okay, okay,” Denki said between chuckles. “The purple one, but with the vest from the teal one.”

“Oh, I wouldn’t have thought of that. Thanks, Denki.”

“No problem,” the blond replied, still laughing lightly.

They were lounging around in the common room again, both in sweatpants and t-shirts.

“Hey, Hanta.”

“Huh?”

“Feel my shirt.”

“Why?”

“Just do it, and guess what it’s made of.”

Hanta felt the shirt and took a wild guess of what it was made of. “Uhhhh, cotton?”

Denki chuckled lightly. “No, it’s made of boyfriend material.”

“Was that your stupid way of asking me to be your boyfriend?”

“Yeah, what about it?” Kaminari pouted.

Now it was Hanta’s turn to laugh.

“Stop laughing at me, Hanta!” Denki huffed.

“Sorry, sorry. It’s just really hard to keep from laughing when my boyfriend is so cute when he’s pouting.”

Denki looked up at him, smiling widely. “Boyfriend?”

“Yeah, boyfriend. You couldn’t possibly expect me to say no, could you?”

“I guess not,” Denki smiled, pecking Hanta on the cheek lightly.

Hanta’s face turned a dark shade of crimson, and Denki laughed louder.

Hanta was walking to class when Denki came up behind him.

“Hanta, your hand looks really heavy. Let me hold it for you,” Denki said, grabbing the noiret’s hand and holding it, smiling widely.

Hanta’s face looked like a tomato, but to Denki it was cute. So, he gave Hanta a quick peck on the cheek. Hanta looked at him and tried to hide his face in Denki’s shoulder. Denki just laughed at how cute his boyfriend was being.

Hanta and Denki had just gotten back from a date (their fifth) and were standing outside the door to Denki’s dorm room. It was the perfect time for a kiss, in Denki’s opinion.

“Hanta?”

“Hmmm?”

“Are you going to kiss me, or do I have to lie to my diary?” Denki asked with a playful smirk.

Hanta leaned in, and it felt like electricity was dancing over his skin. It probably was, considering Denki’s quirk. When their lips met, it was electric, the feeling he got throughout his body. He loved it. He wouldn’t change that feeling for the world.

They had been eating s'mores at a campfire with the Bakusquad, a party thrown because 'those 2 idiots finally got it together and started going out.' Hanta had been eating a particularly gooey, melted s'more when the line came. "Hey, Hanta?" "Yeah, what is it, Denki?" "I've been wondering, do your lips taste as good as they look?" Hanta, a blushing mess but still trying to keep a facade of being cool asked back, "I don't know, why don't you find out?" So Denki kissed him, causing a few explosions and a gagging sound from Bakugou, and a couple of 'awwwwwww's from Ashido and Kirishima.

Denki was staring at him, and Hanta noticed.

“What are you looking at?” Hanta asked.

“Oh, sorry. It’s just, your lips look so lonely… Would they like to meet mine?” Denki questioned, a huge grin on his face.

Hanta blushed, of course, but responded with, “They love meeting yours.”

The two kissed, and it felt just like their first one.

“Hey, um, Hanta?” Denki was nervous again. Like 'twiddling his thumbs, looking down at the ground, biting his lip’ nervous.

“Yeah, what's up, Denki?”

“Uh,” Denki began scratching at the back of his neck again. “My mom thinks I'm straight, can you help me prove her wrong?”

Hanta chuckled. “That was a good one, Denki.”

“Heh, yeah.” Denki still looked nervous.

“Was there something else?”

“Well, I mean, I guess you didn't get it. I was, uh, I was kinda asking you something.”

“Wait, were you asking me if you could tell your parents about us? Because honestl-”

“No,” Denki cut him off. “No, I kind of already told them. I was asking, uh, if you'd want to meet them. As my official boyfriend. It's fine if you don't want to or something, but I was supposed to go over this weekend for dinner so I figured I could bring you along.” Denki was rambling, and he knew it, but he couldn't stop trying to fill the silence between the asking and the inevitable rejection. But he had run out of things to say and now he was just staring at his feet, one of which was rubbing the carpet underneath it.

“Denki, look at me.” Hanta knew Denki could get self-conscious sometimes. And sometimes he needed reassurance in the form of a smiling face.

Denki slowly looked up at his boyfriend's face.

“Do you really want to introduce me to your parents, or are they asking you to?”

“No, I want to. They haven't been asking at all. This is all me.”

“Okay, then I'll come.”

Denki smiled, wider than Hanta had seen since he had first asked the taller boy out.

“Really? You'll really come to meet my parents?”

“Of course I will. Because my amazing boyfriend wants me to.”

Denki's smile somehow got wider. He hugged Hanta until the noiret could barely breathe. “Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you so much, Hanta.”

“Of course, Denki,” Hanta wheezed out. “Now, could you let go of me before I pass out?”

“Oh, yeah. Sorry.”

“It's fine, babe,” Hanta told him, kissing him on the cheek.

And Denki's already thousand-watt smile got even brighter somehow.

Denki had been eating candy this time.   "Hanta, can I tell you something?" "Sure, what's up?" Hanta asked, his expression a serious one. Denki grinned. "My lips are like skittles. Do you wanna taste the rainbow?" Hanta covered the blond's face with his hand. "You dork. I thought you were gonna tell me something serious." Denki pouted. "So I don't get a kiss?" Hanta kissed his cheek. "There. Nothing more." "But Hantaaaaaaaaa!" "Nope. Maybe later. You made me think something was wrong." Denki pouted some more and moved to the opposite side of the couch.

Denki and Hanta were in Denki’s room after a date. It was Hanta’s 18th birthday. They were heavily making out when Denki pulled out this line.

“Is that a mirror in your pocket? ‘Cause I can see myself in your pants,” he said breathlessly between kisses.

Hanta laughed until Denki showed him just how right he had been.

It was their 5th anniversary, and they went out to dinner to celebrate.

“Hey, um, Hanta?” Denki had been hyped up all day (something Hanta found adorable), but now he was nervous. 'Twiddling his thumbs, looking down at the ground, biting his lip’ nervous.

“Yeah, what's up, Denki?”

“Uh, okay.” Denki got down on one knee (his good one, Hanta noted. His bad one was stretched out in front of him, which Hanta was grateful for.) “When a penguin finds a mate, they stay with them for the rest of their life.” Denki took the black velvet box out of his pocket, and Hanta slapped a hand over his own mouth. “What I was wondering, Hanta Sero, was,” Denki continued, opening the box. Hanta may have been crying. “Will you be my penguin?” Denki, looked up at Hanta, face full of hope.

Hanta nodded his head, falling to his knees (careful to avoid hitting Denki's bad leg) and hugging his fiancé. “Yes, yes, oh my god, yes. Of course, Denki. A thousand times, yes.” He was definitely crying now.

“Okay, penguin, can we get up now? My leg's starting to hurt,” Denki said, using the new pet name for Hanta.

“Oh, yeah, sorry.” So Hanta got to his own feet, helping Denki get to his as well before kissing the blond passionately. The restaurant erupted in cheers and applause for the 2 budding heroes and new fiancés.

The pair sat down, now on the same side of the booth they had previously been sitting across from each other in. Denki slid over the black velvet box containing the ring. “You don't have to wear it if you don't want to.”

“No, I'm gonna wear it,” Hanta said, opening the box to examine the ring. It was a plain silver color on the outside with the words “Forever and Always” engraved on it.

“Look on the inside,” Denki said excitedly.

So, Hanta did. The inside was golden in color, and if you held it just right and looked very carefully, you could see the words “Chargebolt and Cellophane” engraved on the inside. “Chargebolt and Cellophane. Forever and always. Denki, you big sap, oh my god.” Hanta said, tackling his fiancé in a hug and kissing his face all over. “I love you so much, y'know that Denki?”

“Course I know, Hanta. You did just agree to marry me, right? I didn't hear you wrong?”

“No, you heard me right. I'm gonna marry you. Oh my God Denki. We're getting married. I'm gonna marry you. I'm going to get married to the love of my life.”

Denki was blushing a little. “I love you so much, Hanta,” Denki said, pressing a kiss to the taller man's cheek.

“I love you too, Denki.”

While Hanta and Denki were attacking each other with kisses on one side of the booth, a waitress came by with a piece of cake for the happy couple.

“Thank you,” Hanta said as she set the plate down.

“Oh, no problem. And congratulations you two.”

“Thank you so much,” Denki said, grabbing one of the two forks on the plate to start eating his celebratory cake with.

The waitress walked away, leaving Hanta to pick up his fork and take an experimental bite of the cake. “This is really good,” he said after swallowing.

“I know. Here, have some more,” Denki said, holding out his fork for Hanta to eat the bite of cake off the end.

And that was how their date ended, feeding each other bites of cake between kisses, Hanta with a ring on his finger.

It was their wedding day, and both men were nervous because "Oh my god, I'm getting married to the man of my dreams." Hanta was standing at the altar, waiting for the procession to begin.  The music began playing, and the doors opened to reveal the bridesmaids and groomsmen pairs. Up first was Tsu and Iida. After them was Yaoyorozu and Hagakure. After that pair was Midoriya and Uraraka. After them was Katsuki and Eijiro (only because Katsuki insisted he be with his own husband). After them, were the maids of honor, Ashido and Jiro.  Lastly, Denki and his father walked in (because Denki's father was gonna walk him down the aisle whether Denki damn well liked it or not) and Denki looked stunning. Like, 'Holy shit I might have a heart attack right here and now' stunning. As Denki walked down the aisle, Hanta watched his future husband draw closer. Once Denki got up to the altar, he grabbed Hanta's hand and didn't let go. The officiant (Shoto) said the opening words in his usual monotone, although it was accompanied by a small smile. "Friends, we have joined here today to share with Hanta and Denki an important moment in their lives. In their time together, they have seen their love and understanding of each other grow and blossom and now they have decided to live out the rest of their lives as one." The opening reading was by Eijiro. It was something he had written himself. "Before the two of you got together, everyone could see you liked each other. Like, everyone. I mean, like, even Aoyama could see it. And all he ever sees is himself." Aoyama piped up from the crowd. "It's true, I could tell." Everybody laughed. "You guys are perfect for each other. Every relationship has ups and downs, and you guys have dealt with the downs and ridden high over the ups. You've dealt with things better than me and Katsuki have, that's for sure. I can't tell you how many death threats I get in the span of a week." "Stop talking about me and read the damn speech, Shitty-hair," Katsuki yelled at his husband from the front row. "Okay, okay. Shut up, Kat. Anyway, Sero and Kaminari, you guys are two halves of a whole idiot." That brought out another chuckle from the crowd. "But you guys are pretty great together." With that, Eijiro stepped down and sat next to his husband. Now, it was Shoto's turn to speak. "Marriage, as defined by Google, is 'the legally or formally recognized union between two people as partners in a personal relationship.' Marriage, as defined by my husband, Izuku, is 'the official name of a long union that is the beginning of a family.' Marriage, as defined by me, is when two people love and care about each other so much that they choose to unite themselves and spend the rest of their lives together, whether their union is legally binding or not."

Then it was time for their vows. They had opted not to write their own. "Alright, repeat after me. 'I, Denki Kaminari,'" Shoto began. "I, Denki Kaminari," Denki repeated. "'Take you, Hanta Sero,'" "Take you, Hanta Sero," "'To be my husband,'" "To be my husband," "'To have and to hold'" "To have and to hold" "'From this day forward,'" "From this day forward," "'For better or for worse,'" "For better or for worse," "'For richer, for poorer,'" "For richer, for poorer," "'In sickness and in health,'" "In sickness and in health," "'To love and to cherish;'" "To love and to cherish;" "'From this day forward'" "From this day forward" "'Until death do us part.'" "Until death do us part." Denki had the widest smile Hanta had ever seen on his face. "'I, Denki Kaminari, take you, Hanta Sero,’”

“I, Denki Kaminari, take you, Hanta Sero,”

“‘To be my husband, my friend,’”

“To be my husband, my friend,”

“‘My faithful partner, and my love’”

“My faithful partner, and my love”

“‘From this day forward.’”

“From this day forward.”

“‘In the presence of our family and friends,’”

“In the presence of our family and friends,”

“‘I offer you my solemn vow’”

“I offer you my solemn vow”

“‘To be your faithful partner’”

“To be your faithful partner”

“‘In sickness and in health,’”

“In sickness and in health,”

“‘In good times and in bad,’”

“In good times and in bad,”

“‘And in joy as well as sorrow.’”

“And in joy as well as sorrow.”

“‘I promise to love you unconditionally,’”

“I promise to love you unconditionally,”

“‘To support you in your goals,’”

“To support you in your goals,”

“‘To honor and respect you,’”

“To honor and respect you,”

“‘To laugh with you and cry with you,’”

“To laugh with you and cry with you,”

“‘And to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.’”

“And to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.”

“'I, Denki Kaminari, take you, Hanta Sero, to be my husband,’”

“I, Denki Kaminari, take you, Hanta Sero, to be my husband,”

“'My partner in life and my one true love.’”

“My partner in life and my one true love.”

“'I will cherish our union and love you more each day’”

“I will cherish our union and love you more each day”

“‘Than I did the day before.’”

“Than I did the day before.”

“'I will trust you and respect you,’”

“I will trust you and respect you,”

“'Laugh with you and cry with you,’”

“Laugh with you and cry with you,”

“'Loving you faithfully through good times and bad,’”

“Loving you faithfully through good times and bad,”

“'Regardless of the obstacles we may face together.’”

“Regardless of the obstacles we may face together.”

“'I give you my hand, my heart, and my love,’”

“I give you my hand, my heart, and my love,”

“'From this day forward for as long as we both shall live.’”

“From this day forward for as long as we both shall live.”

“Alright, now Hanta, repeat after me. 'I, Hanta Sero,'" "I, Hanta Sero," Hanta repeated, clutching Denki’s hand, although he had no idea when that had happened. "'Take you, Denki Kaminari,'" "Take you, Denki Kaminari," Hanta was smiling, and he may have been crying. "'To be my husband,'" "To be my husband," "'To have and to hold'" "To have and to hold" "'From this day forward,'" "From this day forward," "'For better or for worse,'" "For better or for worse," "'For richer, for poorer,'" "For richer, for poorer," "'In sickness and in health,'" "In sickness and in health," "'To love and to cherish;'" "To love and to cherish;" "'From this day forward'" "From this day forward" "'Until death do us part.'" "Until death do us part." Was Denki crying?

"'I, Hanta Sero, take you, Denki Kaminari,’”

“I, Hanta Sero, take you, Denki Kaminari,”

“‘To be my husband, my friend,’”

“To be my husband, my friend,”

“‘My faithful partner, and my love’”

“My faithful partner, and my love”

“‘From this day forward.’”

“From this day forward.”

“‘In the presence of our family and friends,’”

“In the presence of our family and friends,”

“‘I offer you my solemn vow’”

“I offer you my solemn vow”

“‘To be your faithful partner’”

“To be your faithful partner”

“‘In sickness and in health,’”

“In sickness and in health,”

“‘In good times and in bad,’”

“In good times and in bad,”

“‘And in joy as well as sorrow.’”

“And in joy as well as sorrow.”

“‘I promise to love you unconditionally,’”

“I promise to love you unconditionally,”

“‘To support you in your goals,’”

“To support you in your goals,”

“‘To honor and respect you,’”

“To honor and respect you,”

“‘To laugh with you and cry with you,’”

“To laugh with you and cry with you,”

“‘And to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.’”

“And to cherish you for as long as we both shall live.” They were both definitely crying now.

“'I, Hanta Sero, take you, Denki Kaminari, to be my husband,’”

“I, Hanta Sero, take you, Denki Kaminari, to be my husband,”

“'My partner in life and my one true love.’”

“My partner in life and my one true love.”

“'I will cherish our union and love you more each day’”

“I will cherish our union and love you more each day”

“‘Than I did the day before.’”

“Than I did the day before.”

“'I will trust you and respect you,’”

“I will trust you and respect you,”

“'Laugh with you and cry with you,’”

“Laugh with you and cry with you,”

“'Loving you faithfully through good times and bad,’”

“Loving you faithfully through good times and bad,”

“'Regardless of the obstacles we may face together.’”

“Regardless of the obstacles we may face together.”

“'I give you my hand, my heart, and my love,’”

“I give you my hand, my heart, and my love,”

“'From this day forward for as long as we both shall live.’”

“From this day forward for as long as we both shall live.”

“Now it is time for the exchange of the rings. Denki, will you now present the ring as a symbol of your love, honor, and loyalty?” Shoto asked.

Denki turned around to get his ring from Jiro. Holding the ring in his hand made everything feel just a little more real.

“Hanta, will you receive this ring as a symbol of Denki’s love, honor, and loyalty? And will you always wear it as a symbol of your own love, honor, and loyalty toward him? If so, please answer ‘I will.’”

“I will,” Hanta breathed out before Shoto had even finished saying the proper response.

“Denki, will you now place the ring on Hanta’s left hand and repeat after me.”

Denki placed the ring around Hanta’s left ring finger but didn’t slide it all the way on just yet.

“‘This ring I give to you,’” Shoto began.

“This ring I give to you,” Denki repeated.

“‘In token and in pledge.’”

“In token and in pledge.”

“‘Of our constant faithfulness.’”

“Of our constant faithfulness.”

“‘And unconditional love.’”

“And unconditional love,” Denki finished, sliding the ring down the rest of Hanta’s finger.

“Hanta, will you now present the ring as a symbol of your love, honor, and loyalty?” Shoto asked.

Hanta turned around to get the ring from Ashido.

“Denki, will you receive this ring as a symbol of Hanta’s love, honor, and loyalty? And will you always wear it as a symbol of your own love, honor, and loyalty toward him? If so, please answer ‘I will.’”

“I will,” Denki said, smile on his face and happy tears in his eyes.

“Hanta, will you now place the ring on Denki’s left hand and repeat after me.”

Hanta placed the ring around Denki’s left ring finger, doing the same thing Denki had done.

“‘This ring I give to you,’” Shoto began.

“This ring I give to you,” Hanta repeated.

“‘In token and in pledge.’”

“In token and in pledge.”

“‘Of our constant faithfulness.’”

“Of our constant faithfulness.”

“‘And unconditional love.’”

“And unconditional love,” Hanta finished, sliding the ring down the rest of Denki’s finger.

"By the power vested in me by the website I became ordained on, I now pronounce you husband and husband." "Hey, Hanta?" Denki asked, draping his arms around the taller man's shoulders. "What is it, Denki?" Hanta responded, wrapping his arms around the blond's waist. "If I had a garden, I'd put your tulips and my tulips together," Denki said with a smirk. "You may now kiss the groom." "Why wait?" And then the two came together for their first kiss as husbands, and it felt exactly like every other kiss they'd had, but somehow it felt so much different, and it tasted like rain, and sunshine and the somewhat-metallic taste Denki's mouth always had because of his quirk. But honestly? Hanta wouldn't have it any other way.

When the two broke apart, Shoto said, “I present to you, Denki and Hanta Kaminari.”

The crowd cheered and applauded, and the happy couple walked back down the aisle and outside the church to take pictures and get in the limo to go to the reception.

The reception was fantastic. Catered by the Bakugou Catering Company (with their friends and family discount), Katsuki had cooked most of the food himself, so Hanta and Denki knew it would be great.

They danced their first dance as husbands, getting swept away from each other but meeting back up again by the end, and soon enough it was time to cut the cake.

Baked by the Sato Bakery, the cake was beautiful. 3 carefully stacked teirs, white icing contrasting well with the black decals on the cake. It was magnificent. And to top it all off (literally) there was a mini Denki and mini Hanta dancing on the top of the cake.

“Didn’t I tell you we’d look cute on a wedding cake together?”

“Um, no?” Hanta looked at his husband a little oddly.

“Oh, that’s right. I didn’t. Well, the other way that I would have proposed if I hadn’t used the penguin line would have been saying ‘Wouldn’t we look cute on a wedding cake together?’ In hindsight, I’m glad I didn’t pick that one.”

“I’m glad too. If you had, I wouldn’t be able to call you penguin, penguin.”

“I guess that’s true.” Denki laughed, a full laugh with a wide smile, showing off all his pearly white teeth, and it made Hanta fall more in love with him every time he did it.

“Good morning, love,” Hanta said, walking out of the bedroom to the kitchen, where Denki was currently making pancakes.

“Good morning, Hanta.”

Hanta wrapped his arms around his husband, setting his chin on the shorter man’s shoulder. “How’d you sleep?”

“Mmmm. Good. How about you?” Denki turned to kiss Hanta’s cheek, but apparently Hanta had had the same ideas, so now they were kissing and none of them were complaining.

Except the pancakes. “Babe, I think the pancakes are burning,” Hanta said, releasing his husband from the kiss.

“Oh, shit. You’re right.” Denki quickly flipped all the pancakes off of the griddle and onto 2 plates. “Oh, I nearly forgot. I’ve got another pickup line for you.”

“Oh, you do?” Hanta asked, grabbing his plate. The couple walked over to the dining table to eat. Denki nodded. “Well, let’s hear it then.”

“Did it hurt?” Denki asked with a smile.

“Lemme guess, when I fell from heaven?” Hanta said, smirking back.

“No.” Denki paused. “When you fell for me?” Denki finished, smiling even bigger.

“Like a bitch.”

“Awwwwwwwwwwwwww. Same here. But I wouldn’t have changed it for the world.”

“You’re so sweet you’re giving me a cavity,” Hanta answered.

“Oh, my god.”

“What?”

“Did you, Hanta Kaminari, just use a pickup line on me?”

“So what if I did?”

“You’re not allowed to! Pickup lines are my thing! You’re not allowed to steal my thing!”

“I stole your heart, why can’t I steal your thing?”

“Hantaaaaaaaaaa, now you’re just using more.”

Hanta laughed, “Alright, I’ll stop.”

“Y’know,” Denki said, swallowing his pancakes. “I still think that if you were a fruit, you’d be a fineapple.”

I don’t wanna sound like an asshole because likes are good. Reblogs are better though. 

[evan-hand-soap]

I wrote this last night because I got bored

Jeremy Heere x Reader:)

Basicallyyyyyyyy you/Reader are in the position of Jeremy and Jeremy is in the position of Michael... so Reader has a Squip while (not to readers consent) Jeremy’s on opt. nerve blocking. It’ll make sense later.

*bold and italics means it’s the Squip btw*

Word count- I think it was like 2071

Warnings: lil bit of cursing but it’s only like twice, the Squip putting reader in pain, crying, uh that’s it I think... let me know if there more.

-

Loud music blared through huge speakers in the Halloween party you were at- and had no idea why you even bothered to come. You didn’t know many people there. So why come? Oh yeah. The Squip told you too. It drives you insane. I N S A N E. You knew how to get rid of it, but didn’t know where to get a code red Mountain Dew. You’d searched everywhere but made no success. Parties used to give you panic attacks. You had the popular people there, sure. Doesn’t mean you liked them. And you didn’t want to stay either. After forcing the Squip to let you get your way, you were on your way out of the house. On the way you accidentally bumped into someone, who had taken all of your attention.

“I- sorr- oh my god! Jeremy! Where have you been for like the last two weeks??”

“Oh? You’re suddenly paying attention to me? You’ve been ignoring me!”

“I- I have..??”

“It’s called optic nerve blocking. I have been blocking Jeremy from your field of vision. Without your consent, of course.”

“You what???”

“What?”

“Not you Jeremy- Wait—“ you red solo cup in his hand caught your eye.

“Red- Red! Red! Mountain Dew! Code Red Mountain Dew! Do you have any!!?”

“What? No. I know a store that sells it-“

“I need it!”

“No you don’t! I’m helping you!!”

He looked at you like you were crazy and you begged him, tears forming.

“Jeremy please-“ you choked on a sob, “This thing— this voice- I-I- I need it gone! I-I-I’m going insane— plea-pleas—“

“What- What voice?”

“I’ll explain later! Just help me-“

“I- come with me.” He sighed and grabbed your wrist. He tugged you outside and into his car.

“I’ll get you your Mountain Dew. But why have you been ignoring me?”

“I-it it’s not intentional— t-this thing! I- it’s a- a robot— telling me what I need to do-“ tears streamed down your face as it yelled in your head.

“He’s yelling— and he’s not stopping! H-he’s driving me insane— I- it hurts- it got rid of you! I- it said it’s called o-“ you were zapped and you cried even harder.

“Get out of my head!” You yelled and held your head tightly while sobbing.

“I-it’s an opti-optic nerve blocking- it blocks out people— the ones it thinks I don’t need-“

“I’ll be right back-“ he said and threw himself out of the car and into the parking lot. He was off and into a mall while you were sobbing and screaming at yourself telling it shut up.

“GET OUT GET OUT GET OUT!!!” You sobbed and the car door flew open.

“Here-“ Jeremy told you and you shot your hand out to grab it. You were zapped and tried to resist the zaps. You took it into your shaky hands and just chugged. And chugged. As much of it as you could. You quickly screwed the cap on before the pain kicked in and held your head, bracing for pain you knew was coming soon. You heard it’s glitching voice and a faint ‘OVERRIDE’ bleeping. The pain kicked in and you sobbed and sobbed and held your head while it felt like you were being hit in the head with a sledgehammer while your brain was being tased. It felt horrible but thankfully it didn’t last that long. When it was gone you were shaking and panting.

“Deep breaths.”

“I-it’s gone— finally—“

“Okay what’s gone?”

“T-th-the the thing! It- it’s a computer- in a pill— it stays in your brain and tells you what to do and how to be the way you want to be. In this case, cool-“

“You need some rest, I’ll take you home.”

“I- I can’t be alone— I’ll have a panic attack.”

“Then I’ll stay with you. I’ll help you try and get your mind off things. Is your basement still in use of video games?”

“Always has been. But I upgraded it. With any money I could get. D- do you still remember my address?” You we’re still shaking but not stuttering as much, the tears still slowly streaming down your face in the moonlight.

“Yeah, your house isn’t that hard to find.” You nodded and put your head back, closing your eyes and trying to breathe normally. He pulled up in your driveway and got out of the driver side. You were just barley shutting the door on your side when he was on your side and helping you walk straight hence you were still shaking. He helped you inside the house and you walked him to the basement which was majorly upgraded. You flicked on the light, which was also connected to all the other machines and things in your basement. So everything else lit up. The basement was decorated with red walls, black carpet, and dark blue couch in front of a huge flat screen Tv. The walls had video game posters and what not on them, with a few neon light fixtures. You also had a vintage Pac-Man game machine that was still in function, that is almost impossible find. You had a mini fridge stuffed with sodas and snacks in one corner of the room. Beside the mini fridge was a bathroom which was literally nothing special at all. Had a shower, sink, toilet, the usual. And a huge dresser that was meant to be stuffed with movie dvds, but instead, you stuffed it with any video game, game controller, and or game console you own. Along with a popcorn machine for popping fresh popcorn beside the mini fridge. You had this room envisioned for years and decided to take any money you had and earn so more, into this basement. Along with trading any gift cards you had with your dad in exchange for money to add to the pile.

“Holy shit!”

“I know! I’m basically broke now but it was worth it. I haven’t been down here in a while since the Squip but... it’s still the same.”

“This is heaven—“

“Like I said.”

“Oh my god-“

“Are we going to just stare at it or actually use it? Because I’ve been desperate to.”

“Use it-“

“You can pick a game.” You made snacks and what not up stairs while starting popcorn in the machine while he dug through your collection. You came down stairs with a selection of snacks and sugar for the night while he was setting up a game. Which to his choice, was GTA.

-three weeks later-

You and Jeremy and Michael, who was at the party but you didn’t see him, had started hanging out again and the hanging out in your basement every night became a routine. Everyday after school they’d instinctively take the bus with you and get off at your stop. They even had a drawer of extra clothes in your dresser upstairs in your bedroom.

When they got over to your house with you after the bus, they went down stairs to pick a game while you stayed upstairs making food in the kitchen. While you were throwing things around trying to move quickly, you spilt a monster that you were drinking(that was probably the reason why you had energy) all over you. You quickly ran upstairs to your room to change. You changed into sweatpants and realized you hadn’t done your laundry in a while. Leaving you with no shirts. You quickly debated on just throwing a jacket on or grabbing something of Michael’s or Jeremy’s. You settled on wearing Jeremy’s clothes since if anything, it’d fit a little better. You threw on a black Pac-man t shirt he had with one of his hoodies. If you were being honest, you had a crush on Jeremy. It wasn’t too big or anything, but it was there. You had told Michael about it and whenever the three of you were in a room alone, he would wink at you or smirk or whatever, from behind Jeremy. The smell of his cologne flooded into your nose which caused you to blush and hug yourself, to hold the huge hoodie tighter. You ran downstairs and to the kitchen again, this time trying to be more careful. You were in the basement soon with the snacks and had them set on the table in front of the couch. You didn’t see Jermey, but assumed he was in the bathroom because you could hear the shower running. He probably got something on himself too. Michael didn’t notice you come down until he turned around and saw you on the couch, scrolling through your phone in Jeremy’s clothes.

“Looky looky. Already stealing his clothes.”

“In my defense, I haven’t done my laundry and I spilt a monster on me so I had to resort to your guys’s stuff. I chose his because his clothes would most likely fit me better than yours.

“Mhm.. sure.” You scoffed and looked back down at your phone. Michael sat down on a bean bag that was between the couch and Tv, slurping on a slushee. You heard the bathroom door open, causing you to look up and see Jeremy. Who was wearing the same sweatpants as before, and the same blue hoodie. But with wet hair. When his eyes met yours he looked you up and down. He approached you rather quickly and collided with the couch and was now in front of you.

“Are you wearing my hoodie??”

“Yeah.. I spilt a monster on me and I haven’t done my laundry in a while so I just resorted to taking your stuff. Which is super comfy, by the way. Michael’s would’ve been too big.”

“Yeah no- I know it is. Because it’s mine. It- it looks good on you..” you blushed a dark red and slightly smiled. You could practically hear Michael’s smirk. Before you could say anything, Michael took it upon himself to LEAVE.

“I think I left my phone upstairs.. I’ll be back.” You felt yourself start to panic while he got up, and was gone in a second. You, unknowingly, were lost in his eyes with big heart eyes. Which he was doing the same. Which of course, he didn’t know either. Before you could say or do anything, he cupped your cheek and pinned you to the couch, him on top of you, his lips planted on yours. It took a split second to react but you were soon kissing him back and it was probably the best thing to happen to you, besides him actually returning in your life in the first place.

“Woah—“ you mumbled once you’d both pulled away. He didn’t say anything but look into your eyes and flash you a small smile. He sat up, no longer pinning you down, and picked up a controller.

“Sorry, I was just desperate to do that.”

“Y-n- d- don’t be s-sorry. It’s- Fine—“ you sat up and reached for a controller, a deep blush covering your face. Throughout the game your mind was off in another world and you lost to Jeremy every time, which wasn’t normal. Michael was back in the room and sitting in front of you on the beanbag.

“You suck today, y/n.” Michael laughed and you shook your head.

“I- I wouldn’t if my mind was clear—“

“Will this help-“ Jeremy dropped the remote and dove over to press his lip to yours.

“I don’t think t-“ you were cut off by his lips on yours once again, this kiss even more intense and deeper than the last one. Your hands were up in his messy hair, slightly pulling at his head. One of his hands were low on your waist, holding you up to his waist while his other was holding your head. After you both had eventually pulled away he had a smile and so did you, along with a bright red face.

“I-“ Michael started clapping slowly and laughed.

“It’s about time this happened. It literally killed me every time I saw you two together because holy shit-“

“Michael, shut up.” Jeremy told him and you laughed.

“I’m just saying! So are you guys like dating now or what?” You looked back up at Jermey and gave him a questioning look.

“I don’t know, are we?”

“Only to your consent, of course.”

“Then you have it.”

“Wait really??”

“Yeah,”

“I- uh- awesome!” You laughed and pressed your lips to his.

“Your such a nerd.”

[hippychick006]

5.03 - Free to be you and me

Or the one where Sam and Dean don’t share any screen time or even talk at all. Having said that, there’s some good scenes that switch between the brothers to show what each of them are doing.  I also like the juxtaposition of how awkwardly Dean and Castiel work together in this episode, with how seamless Dean and Sam worked together in the previous episode.  Jared has some great scenes with Adrianne Palicki, Mark Pellegrino and some guest actors that did a great job with playing hunters.  Dean’s primarily with Castiel, though I did like the Raphael scene the first time I watched.

It’s an important episode in terms of the myth arc and Sam finding out he’s Lucifer’s vessel, but on re-watch, I’d fast forward through many of the scenes now.        

The episode opens on Sam sleeping (or trying to) in a motel room.  I’m issuing a shirtless!Sam alert for this one.  He rolls over and sees Jess is beside him.  This scene is so sweet.  I love when they manage to bring Jess back in interesting ways. We see that Sam loved her very much.  Sam says he misses her so much.  She asks him what he’s doing running away.  He says it’s different this time, “Last time I wanted to be normal. This time I know I’m a freak.”  

Jess: Even at Stanford you knew. You knew there was something dark inside of you. Deep down, maybe, but you knew. Maybe that's what got me killed.

Sam denies it, but Jess says: “I was dead from the moment we said hello.”  Jess tells him she’s trying to protect him from himself, he can’t run, the past will always catch up with him and the people closest to him will die.    Sam says he won’t make that mistake again. Jess says things won’t ever change with Sam.   Sam looks down and when he looks back up, Jess is gone.  

After the title screen, we get taken back to one week earlier.  I like the scenes we get that switch between what Sam and Dean are doing.  Sam’s dropped off (in a different car than we saw him hitching away in last week).  He’s arriving at the motel we saw him with Jess in the opener, which is in Garber, Oklahoma.   When he opens the trunk to get his belongings, we switch to Dean, closing baby’s trunk and it’s clear from the way he’s suited and booted (not to mention the weapon he places under his coat), that Dean’s on a hunt alone.  Fyi, Dean’s in Greely, Pennsylvania, which google maps tells me is about a 21 hour ish, drive from where Sam is.

Sam gets a job at a bar and Dean’s killing vampires with one liners: “Eat it, twilight.”   Sam wipes his brow while he’s chopping lemons, Dean wipes his blood covered face after chopping the head off a vampire. Sam’s cleaning the bar, Dean’s cleaning baby.

We get the same effect as the last episode in that the soundtrack song – Lynyrd Skynyrd Simple Man – changes to be heard coming from the radio as Dean is driving.    He looks over to the empty passenger’s seat as he drives.

We next see Dean in a motel room and this scene is one of the ones Hellers always pull out when everyone else says they don’t see Destiel.  Castiel appears suddenly behind Dean.  Dean jumps and thumps the sink.  He’s clearly annoyed and glares, “Don’t do that!”   He turns around and Castiel is standing far too close.  Dean can’t look at Castiel, not because of attraction, but because he’s angry at having to tell Castiel the same thing over and over and it’s awkward that he’s too close: Dean: Cas, we've talked about this. Personal space?   Castiel does move back, but he again comes into Dean’s space during the scene.  I’m at a loss for how anyone sees these scenes as “romantic”.  There’s clearly a power imbalance and it’s uncomfortable to watch Castiel continually disrespecting Dean’s wishes. 

Long scene short, Castiel needs Dean’s help to trap and interrogate the angel that killed him (Raphael), to get God’s location.  

Dean: You're serious about this…  So, what, I'm Thelma and you're Louise and we're just going to hold hands and sail off this cliff together? 

Dean asks why he should do this and receives the answer that no angel will dare harm him.  Dean: “Oh, so I'm your bullet shield.”   Castiel says Dean’s the only one who will help him.  He even adds a please.  Dean agrees, Castiel reaches up to zap Dean’s forehead, which Dean vetoes because “last time you zapped me someplace I didn’t poop for a week...we’re driving.”

Back to Sam – or Keith, since he’s using a different name – Lindsey the bartender flirts with him, asking if he plays darts.  Sam says it depends what they are playing for.  Lindsey says when she wins, Sam can buy her dinner and tell her his life story.   Sam agrees.  He steps up and I think he scores 100, but then gets distracted by the news, which is freak hail, lightning strikes and fire, all affecting a single local town.  The older bartender (not Lindsey), turns the TV off and says:  Damn. Is it me or does it seem like it's the end of the world?

Dean and Castiel have arrived in Maine.  Dean asks why they’re here (not sure why he didn’t do that on the drive).   Castiel wants to speak to a deputy sheriff that saw the archangel and his plan consists of: “We'll tell the officer that he witnessed an angel of the Lord, and the officer will tell us where the angel is.”

Unsurprisingly, Dean does not agree with that plan.  He puts a fake ID in Castiel’s coat, then adjusts his tie to be properly done up (like you would do with a child), and tells him that when humans want something, they lie.  Long story short, this is the scene where Cass holds his ID badge upside down and Dean says, “He's, uh, he's new.”   This scene would be funnier if we’d got an explanation for when Castiel had a picture taken to get a fake ID done, otherwise the scene just doesn’t make sense as it stands.

They interview the deputy who witnessed the incident (which was a riot that turned into an explosion at a gas station).  Castiel “helpfully” interjects on occasion with things like “It's angels and demons, probably… they're skirmishing all over the globe.”

Sheriff (to Castiel): Come again?  (to Dean) What did he say?

I think what’s funny about this is that Castiel is sitting nearest the ear the sheriff can’t hear with (as it got damaged in the explosion), so there’s an element of, “am I really hearing this right?” at play here.

Dean and Castiel speak at the same time and it’s certainly not winsync. Dean: nothing, Castiel: demons.  They repeat this.  Then Dean covers with: Demons, you know, drink, adultery. We all have our demons, Walt.

Once they get past the awkwardness, they learn that one guy survived the explosion, not a scratch on him.

Dean: Let me guess, he just, uh, vanished into thin air? 

Sheriff: Uh, no, Kolchak. He's down at Saint Pete's.

I had to look up Kolchak reference.  This is from wiki: Kolchak: The Night Stalker is an American television series that aired on ABC during the 1974–1975 season. It featured a fictional Chicago wire service reporter—Carl Kolchak, played by Darren McGavin—who investigated mysterious crimes with unlikely causes, particularly those that law enforcement authorities would not follow up. These often involved the supernatural or science fiction, including fantastic creatures.  

Wasn’t this what Kripke originally wanted to go with, a reporter investigating urban legends? Glad he went with the brothers.

Castiel helpfully repeats “Saint Pete's.” to Dean and not for the first time this episode, Dean really wishes his brother were here.

Down at the Saint Pete’s hospital, the survivor – local mechanic Donnie – is catatonic.  Raphael has left his vessel in a terrible state.   Dean: So, is this what I'm looking at if Michael jumps in my bones?

Castiel: No, not at all. Michael is much more powerful. It'll be far worse for you.

Oh great, that’s just…

Sam’s researching revelations (in latin), presumably because of the issues happening in the local town.  He picks up his phone and scrolls past everyone to get to Dean.  His brother isn’t on speed dial?!  He has a lot of names, a couple I think we met.  Interesting that Brady isn’t among them. He ignores my shouting, “Just call your brother, you idiot” and scrolls back up to Bobby’s number.  

He tells Bobby about the omens he’s found. 'And upon his rising there shall be hail and fire mixed with blood.' He says they’ve already got the first two, so blood can’t be far behind.   Bobby asks why Sam’s calling.  Sam questions that Dean didn’t tell him (about Sam not hunting).  

Bobby: He told me.

Sam: Yeah. So, I just thought you might want to find out who's in the area and put a man on this.

Bobby: Okay, let me see if I can think of the best hunter who might be in the immediate vicinity—oh, that'd be you.

Sam says he can’t and that he’s got to go.  Bobby protests, but Sam hangs up the phone. Bobby looks sad.

Dean’s in an abandoned house, looking through his dad’s journal.  Castiel flaps in and Dean asks where he’s been – presumably Castiel just did his usual and disappeared without explanation.  Castiel responds: Jerusalem.

Dean (sarcastically): Oh, how was it?

Castiel (perfectly seriously): Arid.

I miss this Castiel that didn’t understand humour and took everything literally.  

Castiel sets a jug on the table and Dean asks what it is.  Castiel responds that it’s oil, very special and rare.  Dean makes a joke about trapping Raphael with a nice vinaigrette. Then asks more seriously “Isn't that kinda like trapping a hurricane with a butterfly net?”  Castiel says it’s harder.  Dean asks if there’s a chance of surviving this.  Castiel says Dean does (have a chance), implication is, Castiel doesn’t.  Dean: So odds are you're a dead man tomorrow.

Castiel confirms this and Dean seems completely unperturbed (I miss these days), He asks Castiel what his plans are for his last night on earth.

Castiel: I just thought I'd sit here quietly

Dean disagrees and suggests booze and women.  He quickly discovers through Castiel’s awkwardness that the angel hasn’t ever done the deed (why would he, he’s not human?).  Dean: There are two things I know for certain. One, Bert and Ernie are gay. Two, you are not gonna die a virgin. Not on my watch. Let's go. (no hellers, he’s not offering his own services, he’s taking him out to get laid with hookers).

Back at the bar, Sam sees hunters he knows walk in and turns his back, walking away to try not to be recognised.  No luck, the hunter calls after him and blows his alias by calling him Sam.  Lindsey calls him on it and Sam says it’s his middle name, which she laughs at.   Lindsey asks if the guys are his friends.  One (Steve) answers: Hunting buddies. With his dad. Samuel here is quite the hunter himself.

Lindsey: Wow. You killed deer and things?

Tim: Yeah… and things.

Awkward!  Sam gets them drinks and Tim apologises for busting him.  I like seeing hunters from around their dad’s time, but sadly these guys will turn out to be assholes.  They tell him about the demons and that Bobby told them Sam was off limits.  Sam confirms it, but Tim says they really could use all hands.  Sam say’s he’s sorry.  Tim tries again, but Sam’s not having any of it. They leave for the hunt, telling Sam he’s buying them beers when they get back.

Lindsey: So, your parents were drunk when they named you and you shoot Bambi?

Sam says it’s a long story, but Lindsey’s had enough, she’s buying dinner and they are going to talk.  Sam says he can’t, but Lindsey is insistent.  Got to say, I’m not respecting the boundaries with either Castiel or Lindsey in this episode or actually Dean in terms of Cass getting drunk and having sex.

I absolutely have to say kudos to Misha for this next scene though.  He looks absolutely terrified as he looks around the scantily clad women: “This is a den of iniquity. I should not be here!”

Dean: Dude, you full-on rebelled against heaven. Iniquity is one of the perks.

A hooker approaches and asks Castiel’s name.  He doesn’t answer so Dean has to answer for him, which makes Castiel jump.  Dean asks her name in turn, which turns out to be Chastity. Castiel downs half his beer then Chastity tugs Castiel up and leads him away. Dean stops him, giving Castiel money saying: “If she asks for a credit card, no. Now just stick to the basics, okay? Do not order off the menu. Go get her, tiger.”  Castiel doesn’t move.  Dean: “Don’t make me push you.” 

I’m can’t help wondering if this is something Dean also did with a young Sam.

Another hooker walks by and Dean turns to follow her.  He’s having a drink with her at the bar when they hear a scream.  He goes to investigate, Castiel is standing in the hallway, more disheveled than normal.  Chastity is pissed and shouts at Castiel and then also at Dean as she angrily stomps off, still grumbling.

Dean: The hell did you do?

Castiel: I don't know. I just looked her in the eyes and told her it wasn't her fault that her father Gene ran off. It was because he hated his job at the post office.

Dean rolls his eyes: Oh no man… This whole industry runs on absent fathers. It's, it's the natural order.

They have to exit quickly, and Dean laughs when they get back outside.  Castiel asks what’s so funny.  Dean: Oh, nothing. Whoo. It's been a long time since I've laughed that hard. It's been more than a long time. Years.

Back with Sam and it looks like Lindsey has finally worn Sam down as they are eating dinner. Lindsey’s still trying to get Sam’s story and asks again about the guys from earlier.   Sam says they used to be in the same business together. When Lindsey presses for details, Sam tries to change the subject.  

Lindsey: Witness protection, right? You're Mafia?

Sam (laughs): I'm not Mafia.  

He sees Lindsey is switching off and relents a little as he tells her “I used to be in business with my brother. Truth is I was pretty good at the job. But...I made some mistakes, I did some stuff I'm not so proud of, and people got hurt. A lot of people.”

Me having just re-watched the entirety of the last few seasons.  I’m going to need to see a list of the people that got hurt because of what Sam did.  Stat!

Lindsey asks what Sam was hooked on, because she knows the look.  Sam looks uncomfortable, I’m thinking drinking demon blood isn’t something he can easily fess up to at addiction anonymous groups.   Lindsey pulls out a medallion and says she’s three years sober. Sam: “You work in a bar.”

Lindsey: So do you. Look, Keith. I don't know you and I'm the last person to be giving advice, but I do know that no one has ever done anything so bad that they can't be forgiven. That they can't change.

Castiel and Dean are at the hospital.  Castiel is pouring the oil in a circle around Raphael’s vessel explaining that no angel can touch or pass through the flames (or they die).  Dean asks how they’ll get Raphael there.  Castiel says there’s something like a phone line between a vessel and his angel.  You just have to know how to dial. He leans down to Donnie’s ear and chants in Enochian.

Dean: Just out of curiosity, what is the average customer wait time to speak to an archangel?

Castiel: Be ready. He lights a match and drops it on the oil, which bursts into a ring of flame.

Much later (that it’s turned from day to night.  Dean and Castiel are driving back to the abandoned house. Dean: “Well that's a day I'll never get back.”  

He enters the house and Castiel grabs him and tells him to wait.  There’s bright white light and Raphael is there in Donnie’s body, impressive lightning display of his wings.  Dean isn’t so impressed, he says all Raphael’s done is shot the lights in the room.   Raphael responds: And the Eastern Seaboard.   He threatens to take Dean to Michael. Dean says he’s going nowhere with Raphael.  Raphael reminds him of the stomach cancer Zachariah gave him. Dean said it was hilarious.  

Raphael: Well, he doesn't have anything close to my imagination.

Raphael’s arrogance is his undoing though as Dean says they knew he was coming.  Castiel lights a zippo and and drops it.  Raphael is now standing within a circle of fire and glares at Dean.  Raphael glares at Dean who responds.  “Don't look at me, it was his idea!”

Castiel asks Raphael where God is, Raphael says he’s dead.

Back at the bar and Sam’s cleaning up.  Tim’s back and asks Sam if he’s got something to tell him.  Sam says no and asks where the other two are.  Tim answers that Steve’s dead and that the demons told them things about Sam.  Sam refuses to talk but Reggie arrives and he’s holding Lindsey hostage with a knife.

Raphael and Castiel continue to have daddy abandonment issues.  Though it’s nice as part of this discussion that Dean puts the blame for the apocalypse where it belongs:

Raphael: Careful. That's my Father you're talking about, boy.

Dean: Yeah, who would be so proud to know his sons started the frigging apocalypse.

Back at the bar, Sam falsely confesses to starting the apocalypse.  

Me @Sam, you’re doing great sweetie.   If only the others involved would take some responsibility for their own actions. Thankfully, before I can really get started on this topic, we quickly go back to Dean, Castiel asks Raphael that if God’s dead, then who brought him back. Raphael suggests Lucifer because he needs all the rebellious angels he can find.  Castiel realises Raphael truly believes God is dead so doesn’t know anything. He goes to leave.  Raphael warns him about just leaving him here, that he will find him.  

Castiel: Maybe one day. But today, you're my little bitch.

Dean: What he said.

Best part of the episode is back with Sam as this is a great scene.  Tim has a tube of demon blood and wants Sam to take it so he can go with them and kill the demons.  Sam refuses but Tim says they’ll kill Lindsey if he doesn’t.  Reggie has handcuffed Lindsey to the bar and advances on Sam. Reggie charges Sam who impressively tosses him onto a pool table and starts punching him, but Tim takes Sam down and together with Reggie, force the demon blood into Sam’s mouth.  They force his mouth closed until he swallows.  They retreat and Sam gets up, he spits the blood in Tim’s eye who can’t see to fight back now.  Sam gets the upper hand and the kick he gives Reggie is worth watching the episode for.  Sam hauls Tim up and looks as though he’s going to kill him with Reggie’s knife, but sees Lindsey watching and she’s terrified.  He stops and tells them both to leave.   They say they’ll be back, but I’m pretty sure we never see or hear from them again.  

Dean gives Castiel a pep talk about missing fathers.  “I mean there were times when I was looking for my dad when all logic said that he was dead, but I knew in my heart he was still alive. Who cares what some ninja turtle says, Cas, what do you believe?”  Castiel believes God is alive and Dean says then go find him. Castiel asks how Dean is.  Dean says he’s good.

Castiel: Even without your brother?

Dean: Especially without my brother. I mean, I spent so much time worrying about the son of a bitch. I mean, I've had more fun with you in the past twenty-four hours than I've had with Sam in years, and you're not that much fun. It's funny, you know, I've been so chained to my family, but now that I'm alone, hell, I'm happy.

Thankfully, when Dean glances to the passenger seat and it’s empty, we see from his face that all of that was just Dean’s usual bullshit where he puts his game face on to try to convince others of what he’s saying.  

Back at the motel room, Sam is sleeping (in a t-shirt this time – wth Sam?  Pick a sleeping attire and stick to it!).  He hears Jess call his name and he wakes abruptly. Jess is back and Sam kisses her. He tells her he loves her then sits up and faces away from her on the bed.  He tells her he misses her but she’s wrong about him.  “People can change. There is reason for hope.”  Jess tells him there isn’t and then morphs into Lucifer (Sam doesn’t see this).  Sam asks how Jess can be so sure

Lucifer: Because you freed me.

Sam gets up and moves away.  

Lucifer: You are a hard one to find, Sam. Harder than most humans. I don't suppose you'd tell me where you are?

That would be a nope as Sam asks what Lucifer wants.  Lucifer wants to give Sam a gift for freeing him.  Sam wants nothing from him.  Lucifer tells Sam he’s sorry, but that Nick is just a Plan B. He can barely contain him. Sam asks what Lucifer is talking about.   Lucifer: Why do you think you were in that chapel? You're the one, Sam. You're my vessel. My true vessel.

Sam looks horrified: “No. That'll never happen.”

Lucifer: I'm sorry, but it will. I will find you. And when I do, you will let me in. I'm sure of it.

Sam realises Lucifer needs his consent, which Lucifer confirms.  Sam: I will kill myself before letting you in. 

Lucifer:  I'll just bring you back.  He sighs and continues: Sam. My heart breaks for you. The weight on your shoulders, what you've done, what you still have to do. It is more than anyone could bear. If there was some other way...but there isn't. I will never lie to you. I will never trick you. But you will say yes to me.

Sam says he’s wrong, but Lucifer says he knows Sam better than Sam knows himself.  Sam asks why him.  

Good question, Sam, let’s listen carefully to the answer:

Lucifer: Because it had to be you, Sam. It always had to be you.

Hold up there sparky, “it always had to be you” Sam, until the writers wanted to bring Lucifer back and decided that anyone can be Lucifer’s vessel, including another angel, so your entire storyline this season is now a complete waste of time, which can be added on to last season being a waste of time since all that was required to free Lucifer is a witch and a spell.  Having said that, scenes like this one over the years are why they keep bringing him back. It’s a very good scene between Jared and Mark.

Poor Sammy, the hits just keep coming for him.  Up next, the End, or the one where Jensen works his ass off, doing double time and Jared comes in and steals the episode. (paraphrasing Jensen’s words).

[megamanmodelaaa-fanstories]

The Squidbeak Splatoon - Third Time’s the Charm Chapter 1: The Great Squidnapping

In the far flung future, centuries from our time…

The world is nothing but vast & endless oceans, as far as the eye can see. Aside from the deep-sea world, there was no life to be seen. However, if you look just a little bit further into the horizon… land!

At first glance, this bit of land looks unremarkable as monochrome colours dominate everything in sight. But it’s when you take a deeper look into this land that you see something different, something not at all what it appears to be on the outside.

Welcome to Inkopolis… to the City of Colour!

The streets, the markets, the residence, the city center, everywhere you look, there is a new colour to gaze upon. Bright or Dark, Plain or Mixed, Singular or Combined, every colour in the collective Palette is there to enjoy! This gives the residence of Inkopolis a sense of energy & enthusiasm all day long. At night, these same colours along with the city’s beautiful lighting give way to a dazzling view that invoke feelings of imagination & serenity.

The people of Inkopolis are full of various races that have evolved beyond their Cephalopod roots to live freely on land. Jellyfish, Horseshoe Crabs, Urchins, Prawns & most dominantly, the Inklings. Inklings are a unique Species of Inkopolis because they’re half human & half Squid who can change between the two forms at will.

Also compared to normal Squids, their Ink Production is faster & much more potent. They need to be for them to participate in Inkopolis’ most famous sport: Turf War.

2 Teams of 4 Inklings battle each other in a game of Territorial Control, where players must paint as much area as possible using special weapons that utilize their natural ink as ammunition. The more turf inked, the more points that team gets, with the winner being the team with the most turf controlled when time runs out.

Certainly, the City of Inkopolis is a land that embodies enthusiasm, energy, competition & interaction. A perfect blend for a peaceful & prosperous community! But that same peace & prosperity would soon come under threat…

One day, sometime before a special Turf War Event called a “Splatfest” was scheduled to begin, people on the streets were surprised by a breaking citywide broadcast. Callie & Marie, Inkopolis’ Top Pop Idol Duo, take the stage…

Callie: “We interrupt this program to bring you important news!”

Marie: “The Great Zapfish, source of all power for Inkopolis… has mysteriously vanished.”

Callie: “City Officials have released this picture showing a crashed UFO, which was taken around the estimated time of our Zapfish’s disappearance!”

Marie: “We encourage everyone to share any information about this UFO & others that may lead to the missing Zapfish.”

Callie: “Until the Great Zapfish is recovered, we advise Turf War Veterans to expect restrictions & limitations on battle scheduling, public or private… That includes the upcoming Splatfest, which is -as of now- on hold indefinitely.”

Marie: “Our sincere apologies for any inconveniences…”

Callie: “That’s all for now. Thank you everyone & until next time…”

Callie & Marie: “Stay Fresh.”

But the public was feeling anything BUT “Fresh”. Everyone was sent into a silent panic. Who could’ve done that? How did we not notice? What’s going to happen to us?!

The Great Zapfish is an entity as big as an observatory tower that is the main source of energy for the entire city. Even in its absence, Inkopolis can still run on reserve power, but that will only last for about 2-3 months at best. People throughout the city, for the next few weeks, would live in fear & hopelessness of having to leave in the near future…

Over a Month Later…

Inkopolis still runs, but it’s clear that the dwindling power has robbed it of its enthusiasm. There aren’t as many lights bathing the city as it used to, most have resorted to staying at home out of fear & a select few fled the city to find a new place to live. What was once a city of energy, is now slowly losing all signs of life. But somewhere within the center of Inkopolis, a small group of teenagers are still kicking hard in Turf War.

Day 1, Arowana Mall, 12:50-

8 Inklings are swapping ink against each other, one side Blue & the other Orange. 2 Blue Inklings holding an N-Zap & a Splat Roller push forward, jumping off the central hill in an attempt to claim more turf as the battle enters its final minute. Suddenly, one of them gets splatted out of nowhere, while the other gets echolocated as she attempts to escape. She gets splatted by an Aerospray on her way forward.

Aerospray Inkling: “Nice going, Miwa!”

Miwa: “You can thank me later, let’s push!”

Miwa is a 14 year old Inkling who’s considered of the most skilled on the turf; one of very few who reached the coveted S+ Ranking. She’s proficient with most weapons, prefers Chargers & despises Blasters.

The battle ends with a score of 57-39 for Team Orange. The winning team jumps for joy & exchanges high fives in celebration as a member of the losing team steps forward.

N-Zap Inkling: “Y-You all got lucky because you had a Charger on your side!”

Miwa: “(Ho boy, here we go again…)”

Aerospray Inkling: “Is that so? Wanna trade & see how it ends?”

Splat Roller Inkling: “Yes! Let’s rematch!”

But just as they were about to start, an official of the Turf War Management approaches them, saying they’ve reached the maximum allowed number of matches & they’re to leave immediately.

Splat Roller Inkling: “But… But that’s not fair; we’ve only had 2 matches. Isn’t the maximum limit supposed to be 5?”

Official: “New rules have been placed: 2 per group only, regardless of arrangements.”

& just like that, everyone packs their things in misery & returns to the City Center…

Inkopolis Plaza, 13:15-

Miwa sits on a bench drinking here favourite juice as she relaxes after being forced to stop battling on such short notice. As she throws her empty bottle in the bin, 2 friends arrive to join her.

Green Inkling: “Yo! Reached your threshold already?”

Miwa: “Let me guess: Reduced Turf War Capacity?”

Purple Inkling: “Yeeeah, what a pain…”

Miwa: “Relax guys, I’m sure it’ll all be fine. Can’t let those smiles turn upside down, right?”

Both of her friends look at her speechlessly, their expressions arched in worry…

Ever since the Great Zapfish’s disappearance, Miwa & several others have been trying to get some energy back into everyone by engaging in Turf Wars as much as possible, creating enthusiasm through tense competition & distracting the public from the crisis. But as the days went by with no sign of the Great Zapfish returning, their efforts soon fell to deaf ears & now, they’re slowly losing their battling privileges.

Purple Inkling: “Listen, maybe… we should go plan our move out & get it over with. I’m sure there’s plenty of land outsi—“

Miwa: “& give up on everything we have here?! Like it’s all worth NOTHING to us?!”

Green Inkling: “Girl, there’s not much else we CAN do. We gotta move on…”

Miwa: “I can’t… I WON’T allow…..”

A cold silence descends upon the 3 companions, as if to look for a way to challenge each other’s arguments, to challenge the very desperate situation they find themselves in. Yet sadly, quietness…

Then…

Green Inkling: “Gals look, it’s HIM again! Haha!”

Miwa’s green friend points towards the Vending Machines Corner, an old man sits under a manhole cover looking around as if seeking something.

Miwa: “*Again*??”

Purple Inkling: “Oh you’ve never seen him? He always shows up here between 13-14 o’clock for some reason. What is this bum doing? Hehehe!”

Miwa: “Heh beats me, I don’t live in the sewers myself!”

The 3 continue laughing as Miwa decides to take a picture of this peculiar man. Moments after she’d put her phone down, the old man starts looking directly at her, exchanging such a sharp gaze. Miwa stares in confusion.

Miwa: “(Why’s he looking at me like that? Did he catch me taking his picture? What’s wi—)”

Miwa’s friends tap her shoulder to say goodbye in a hurry. As soon as she turns to face the old man however, he was no longer there. She waits a little longer hoping to see him again, but he never does & Miwa decides to return to her apartment for the day.

Flounder Heights, 18:45-

Miwa sits on her desk working on whatever homework she has to finish, however little there was to complete due to the crisis. She couldn’t help but think about the old man she saw in the Plaza. With her curiosity soaring high & an idea for a gag in mind, Miwa puts her pen down & starts surfing the web for something similar to his outfit.

Suddenly, she comes across a startling discovery. While the old man’s outfit was nothing to write home about, the hat was EXTREMELY valuable: The Legendary Cap. A very special & rare headgear that only the best of Inklings were awarded with it for their services & bravery in the Great Turf War, 100 years ago.

A cap like this is IMPOSSIBLE to get, even with the help of the back alley dealers like Spyke!

Miwa: “(What was he doing with a hat like that! He couldn’t have stolen it… Is it a fake perhaps? &…) Why was he looking at me?”

One question lead to another, each without an answer. So, Miwa decides there was only one way to solve this mystery…

Day 2, Inkopolis Plaza, 13:40-

For the first time in over a month, Miwa didn’t take part in any Turf Wars. Rather, she spent her time waiting around in the plaza for the Cap wearing man. They look at each other from a distance for minutes on end, with Miwa waiting for the right opportunity to face him.

With each passing minute, she grows more tense. The old man was still looking at her & her alone.

Miwa: “(He’s not going to look anywhere else, isn’t he?... I need to find a way to distra—!!)”

& just like that, the old man vanished while she was looking around.

Miwa: “But it’s still 13:50 o’clock!”

She makes a mad dash for the manhole to investigate. No sign of him. There was only one way he could’ve escaped her sight…

Miwa: “Yuck… (Am I really doing this?...)”

Hesitation holds her in place, but not for long as her curiosity becomes too strong to bear.

She jumps into the manhole cover, unaware of what fate has in store for her…..

Unknown Area, 14:00-

After a unexpectedly long journey in the dark depths, Miwa finally emerges to find that she’s now FAR outside the city limits, tall cliffs & waterfalls encircle a bowl shaped area full of small islands, each with its own theming. The most distinct landmark is a giant sculpture of an Octopus at the highest peak.

Miwa continues to admire the scenery, until she finds the old man beside a small shack.

Miwa: “Hello, sir?... W-What am I saying?! Listen, I need to know whe—“

Old Man: “That look in your eyes…”

Miwa: “Wha??”

Old Man: “I’ve been waiting for someone like you! You’re just who we need to defeat the Octarians!”

Miwa: “Octarians? You mean the ones Inklings fought in the Great Turf War? Wait, are you some sort of military general?”

Old Man: “Absolutely! I’m Captain Cuttlefish, Leader of the Legendary Squidbeak Splatoon! A pleasure to make your acquaintance, welcome to Octo Valley.”

After exchanging introductions, the Captain moves on to explain what’s going on. It seems that he’s been investigating the Great Zapfish’s disappearance alone & has concluded that it was the Octarians’ who stole it, as revenge for their defeat in the Great Turf War 100 years ago.

Despite his best attempts, he wasn’t able to get anyone to believe his findings & is currently understaffed to do the job. This led him to try & find a capable Inkling from the streets of Inkopolis to help return the lost Zapfish, which is where Miwa comes in.

Miwa: “So, you want ME to help you recover the Great Zapfish?”

Cpt. Cuttlefish: “I won’t lie: It won’t be easy. We’re alone against an army. The best I can do to help you is provide telecommunication support & hide Mini Spawn Points around the valley, they will only save you so many times.

So, what will you do young one? Will you join me as my 3rd Agent on this covert mission?”

Most would take a step back to consider, but Miwa didn’t as she saw an opportunity. If she can do this, everything will be back to normal. She’ll take back her home, Turf Wars & bring back the Inkopolis she loves! Miwa turns to the Captain to give her answer, when…

Cpt. Cuttlefish: “I’ll take your silence as ‘Yes, of course I’ll help!’”

Miwa: “Wait What?!”

Cpt. Cuttlefish: “I’ll make the necessary preparations for you, so meet me again tomorrow at 12 o’clock!”

Miwa: “Wait a second!”

It was settled: Miwa will be the Squidbeak Splatoon’s Agent 3, on a quest to explore Octo Valley, stop the Octarian menace & retrieve the stolen Great Zapfish!

Will she succeed? What obstacles await her? Tune in next time for Chapter 2: Krak on, Agent!

Thank you for reading & have a good day! 👋🏻😄

[btsbabes7]

“The Deep Blue.”

Chapter 2

Summary: Dion and Cora were surfer sisters taking a break from a surfing competition to relax. After ignoring the warnings of the dangerous, no-surf zone in the deep blue, they almost lose their life. They wake up facing Gods before them. Is this under water city just a dream? Or is it the answer to their life- long prophecy they knew nothing about?

 Word count: 5,321

Genre: Hybrid!AU Gods!AU Fantasy. Angst. Science-fiction. Slight Mythology.

Cora’s POV

My throat burns. Why does my body ache so much? Something feels off, but I can not quite put my finger on it. Why can’t I move? The throbbing pain in my head makes my eyes flutter open. My vision is blurry, but I see a bright light surrounding two figures. I want to rub my eyes, but I can barley lift my hand. “Take it easy Miss.” My ears barely pick up on the deep voice. He snaps his fingers near my ear, and it isn’t as loud as I would expect. He keeps snapping until I wince, displaying that my hearing is gradually getting better. “Okay. Jimin, write this down. Hearing response is normal.” A bright white light flashes back and forth in my line of sight and I blink rapidly. “Pupils are still  slow at dilating. Miss, can you see me?” I focus on his smooth and deep voice as my hearing is back to normal. The blurriness disappears slowly as I watch him pocket a small flashlight in his coat pocket. “Miss? Nod if you can see me clearly.” He leans in and I get a better glance of his face as my eyes gain better focus. 

He has beautiful skin. It glows and shows off his sharp, but soft features. Long ashy, blonde hair drape over his honey colored eyes. His plump lips show a soft smile that makes his presence feel inviting. I feel my chest tighten and my cheeks warm up, nodding slightly to his question. “Hmm.. Your cheeks are showing more color. That is a good sign. Write that down.” He says to the shorter male beside him. “I have to run a few tests on you, but for now, you are okay. Please put your trust in us.” He places his hand reassuringly to my arm. The warmth of his hand leaves as quickly as it was placed on my skin, due to a weird shocking feeling. It was more like.. a zap? He frowns, but shakes his head and walks away. I open my mouth to speak, but no words come out. My throat burns. What happened to me? Where is Dion? Is she okay? All these thoughts race through my mind, making my head feel dizzy with exhaustion. My eyes shuffle around the room looking for the man, but my eyelids fail me. Soon enough, my eyes are closed and I lose consciousness. 

Seokjin’s POV

My clock chimes in my office, pulling my mind from the enormous amounts of books and paper work on my desk. “Damn. It is already past 9 pm.” I lean back in my office chair, stretching my limbs and releasing a yawn. Maybe I should take some of this research to Taehyung. I take off my reading glasses and place them on my desk before I pinch the bridge of my nose to relieve some tension. After gathering all of the documents I deemed necessary, I exit my office and head towards Taehyung’s lab to see if he had made progress.

I notice the hallways are vacant as I walk up to the lab doors. I tap on the door lightly with my free hand, making sure not to cause too much of a noise to alarm others. The lock clicks and Taehyung’s face appears after he creaks open the door slightly. “Jin. Come in,” he whispered. He opened the door slowly and allowed me to enter, placing a finger to his lips to shush me from being too loud. I look around the room and notice a sleeping Jimin curled up in his chair on the opposite side of the room. Taehyung notices my hands full with books and papers, taking some of the load out of my hold. “He crashed huh?” I asked, showing a smile at the smaller male as he clings to the lab coat covering his tiny frame. “Ha. Yeah. The visions must have exhausted him. He has been out for an hour now,” Taehyung exclaimed as he placed the books on the counter. “One of them is alive.” I accidentally drop the books on the counter, receiving a “Shuuush” as a loud whisper from the other. “Are you serious?” I peer my head around Taehyung and notice the dark haired girl hooked up to multiple machines and a IV, her chest heaving slightly as she breathes sleepily. “Woah.”

After an hour of checking vitals and Taehyung’s charting, I leave the girl’s side. “Well I am glad to see it was a success for one, but I am curious about the other.” I look over to the red haired girl. We placed her in a modified aerodynamic capsule. It should keep her body chilled until tomorrow. My talisman that hangs from my pendant begins glowing, pulling me from my thoughts. Taehyung reaches out and grasps it in his hands. “Seems like Namjoon is trying to get in touch with you. Go ahead. I’ll be fine here,” he says. “You sure?” He nods and starts charting more paperwork. “Okay then, but Tae don’t stay up too late. Be sure to look through those scrolls and books I brought too. I went through so much trouble going through the hidden archives in the library just to look up that research on humans. I’ll wake Jimin and take him to his chambers.” Taehyung nods a thank you as I wake Jimin and help his half-asleep form head for the door. “Jin?” he calls out. I turn to face him before opening up the door. “Can you not tell the others about her waking up yet? I want to do it tomorrow morning, you know, just to make sure she lasts through the night.” I smile and nod. “Sure, Tae.” And with that, I left the lab with Jimin to help him to bed, soon heading straight for Namjoon.

Cora’s POV

All of my senses crash into me at once. My head throbs, waking me from my slumber. My eyes flutter open and notices a small ray of light shining from the window and the bedside lamp. My nose picks up on aromas of rubbing alcohol and kelp, maybe? I smack my lips together, realizing how dry my mouth and throat is. It burns. My body still aches slightly, but it is bearable. I wiggle my toes and fingers, feeling my muscles and tendons relax to the weak stretches. When I move my leg, it bumps softly into something. I raise my head to some degree and glance at the guy from earlier. The beautiful man I saw from before was resting his head on my bed side. His arm firmly tucks under his cheek, and his reading glasses crooked on the bridge of his nose. I examine his long lashes and the way he hugs his clip board close to his chest. Small, soft snores escape his drooling lips. I catch myself smiling.

The metallic taste in my mouth rips me from my curious thoughts of the man before me. I’m thirsty. I notice the IV in my hand and I regard the various machines beside me, hooking up to my chest and head. Where the fuck am I? It doesn’t really look like a normal hospital room. What happened? Better yet, who is this guy? I look around the room and notice another guy across the room, asleep in a chair. Who is he? I look further for more clues from my surroundings. My eyes finally lap upon my sister laying still in some sort of body capsule. Dion!? My brain pulsated and causes me to wince as my memories flood back to me. Water. So much water. Waves crash down on me as Dion floats further away. That’s right. We were in trouble. The waves were dragging us apart and under water. So why are we here? What is wrong with my sister? Panic starts to set in and I start lazily kicking my legs, causing the stranger beside me to wake up. My throat makes strained groans and noises as I try to speak. “Easy. Take it easy Miss. You are in good hands. Everything is okay,” the man exclaims with worry. My lips move, but no words form. He realizes and grabs some type of needle-less syringe from the table near him, filling it with some sort of liquid and squirting it in my mouth. My esophagus reacts on instinct and swallows the flux. I start feeling more hydrated as the liquid rushes down. “Go ahead. Try to speak. That should help.” He sits back down in his chair close to the bed. My lips begin working again, failing few times at expressing words. “W..Whe..” He nods and leans in closer. “That’s it. Keep trying.” My brows furrow and I let out a soundless sigh. “W-Where.. A-am I?”

Taehyung’s POV

I smile as she slowly begins to talk in very small sentences. “I am Taehyung. You are in a special place, and there is a lot to explain to you, but right now lets focus on your health.” I say as I begin to softly rub her hand and she seems to slowly calm down. “The girl you were with is recovering, but it is a bit slower for her because she had a massive head injury. I hope that she awakens soon and will be okay. We are not real doctors because we have never had the chance to have outsiders here.” I say, being careful not to alarm her by telling her that the girl she is with is actually not alive. I hear a soft knock on the door and I sense her panic again. “Shhh, it is fine. It is probably my brother.” I stand up and walk to the door and open it enough to see Jimin standing there. “Come inside.” 

Jimin’s POV

I walk inside the room and see the bright blue eyed girl staring at me. “Hello there. I am Jimin.” I say in a calm tone as I walk up near her with a little bowl in my hand. “I made some seaweed soup for you if you are ready to eat, and I will get you some water,” I say as she seems to nod at me. I sit the soup down on the table beside her as I reach in my little bag that is wrapped around my body and pull out a round clear bubble of water. “This is our water. You just put your lips on it and suck.” I hold the water bulb near her lips to help her because I know she must be weak. Her eyes get wide when she begins drinking it which makes me giggle. “Good, right?” I ask her and she nods her head. “Yes v-very good.” She says in a very small voice. “Ah look at you already speaking! The medicine we have given you and your friend works really fast on the healing process.” I give her a soft smile when she looks at the soup. “Come, lets eat.” I say as I start to cool the soup down. 

Taehyung’s POV 

I watch her react with Jimin for a little bit and continue to write down the reactions and reflexes she has. “Jimin, Do not overwhelm her. She may need time to process things, and we probably should get Namjoon in here so he can explain things to her.” I say to Jimin. I walk up to her side. “The leader of us all here would like to explain things better to you once you two meet. Is it okay if we bring him in here in a bit?” I watch you slowly move your lips. “You’ll stay with me right?” She asks me which confuses me. “What is your name?” I ask as I sit up on the edge of the table. “Cora. My name is Cora. I would like to meet him.” She says in a almost normal voice so I reach and touch my pendent. I stare at her as Jimin begins to take a spoon and feed her the soup. I turn and walk to the wall that is see through. “I am changing the skin of this room so no one can see in here because we need this to be top secret now.” 

Namjoon’s POV 

I sit in my bedroom and stare off into the ocean, thinking about how badly this whole situation could be. “Did I make the right call? I am risking my position as king for two humans. There is reasoning for the rules of no humans.” I frown then feel my pendent slightly give a little vibration. Upon touching it, I see that it is Taehyung that needs me. My thoughts go to the girls. What if they are awake now?! I stand up and begin my way to the medical room. After arrival, I knock on the door and wait for someone to open. It opens, and I see Jimin smiling. 

Walking into the room, I see Taehyung’s back blocking the young girl. “What is it?” I ask as he moves to the side, and I see her looking back at me. Honestly, I do not feel relieved that she made it because now all of this is real, but I shake off the feeling and walk to Taehyung. “How is she? Does she know what has happened, and can she speak to us now?” I ask nervously as I hear her voice. I can’t help but to grin at her. “I do remember some of it.” She says softly. 

“My name is Namjoon. I am the future ruler of this city.” I say and you extend a hand out to me, causing me confusion. “You are among the original descendants of God of the Sea. We are gods among your kind, and you are in a underwater city called Lyonesse.” I get cut off by Taehyung touching my arm. “Don’t give to much information for her to process yet, okay?” He says with a worried expression and turns to her. “Cora, are you okay? I don’t want to push you.” He says while reach out to touch her arm which makes me worried. Why is Taehyung clinging to his subject like this? Usually he is nonchalant and cold towards his projects. My thoughts come to a halt as Cora clears her throat, turning everyone’s attention to her.

Cora’s POV 

“Um.. Mr. Namjoon, sir? I have questions.” He raises his eye brow as the smaller male with pink hair giggles. “Namjoon is fine. Ask your quesions,” says the silver haired male with a stern voice and unreadable face. “Well.. you mentioned that I am in some underwater city? You keep naming off all these names I have never heard of. And I am pretty sure I just drank from a formed bubble of water? Am I dead? What is going on here? And what is wrong with my sister? I need answers.” Taehyung shifts in his seat and chimes in before Namjoon can. “Cora. What Namjoon says is true. You are not dead. You are very much alive. You both nearly drowned.” I watch as Namjoon shoots the handsome male a conflicted gaze from his choice of words. Jimin pulls my attention from them when he wraps his hands around mine. “Sweetie, we will explain things in detail much later. We are just happy you are alive and well.” He radiates with a beautiful, wide smile, making his eyes turn to crescents. I immediately feel at ease with his presence, until he lets out a gasp and his eyes turn completely white.

Jimin’s POV

Flashes of white blotch over my eyes as a vision comes forth. My hands clench around her hand as I tense my muscles, losing complete control of my surroundings.

*vision (spoken in Jimin’s explanation)*

I see a long haired man by the sea shore, looking off to the ocean. A human woman comes up beside him and he faces her. It is our God Poseidon. I have never really seen prophecies of him before. He wraps his arms around her waist and kisses her. The scene before me goes blurry. There is a time skip.

Now another scene envelops in front of me. The two are bickering in a house? A cottage maybe? Poseidon stomps out. The human woman follows him to the beach. Dark clouds form and the waves clash harshly against the beach. She is yelling at him, tears dripping from her eyes. I can not hear their words, just a static noise along with the sounds of a forming storm and heavy waves. He stands there staring at her with his feet firmly planted in the sand. He frowns and begins walking in the water, slowly disappearing from sight. She starts to chase after him, but trips. Her knees stay potted in the sand as she cries out. The scene blurs once again. No! What happened? I don’t understand. Then, there was another time skip.

I am in a house. The same woman is there, facing away from me and looking out of the window. From the scenery, it looks as if she is in another country, not like the small cottage she once lived in by the beach. She sighs and turns around, leaving the window. My eyes broaden at the sight before me. She holds her impregnated stomach fondly. Then, blur. Everything goes white.

*end of vision*

My jaw opens, letting out a strangled gasp. My eyes return to their natural state of chocolate brown iris’. I look down and drop your hands immediately. My mind tries to boggle the images I just saw. Why did I see Poseidon? Who was that woman? It wasn’t her, or her friend for that mater. Not to mention, what did she have to do with this? Taehyung shakes my shoulder, bringing me back from my thoughts. “Jimin! What did you see? What is happening?” I look at him and Namjoon, then back to a very confused Cora. “I... I..I’m sorry. I gotta go.” I turn around and grab my bag before sprinting towards the door and out of the lab. My feet move faster than my brain, taking me to the outer wall force field separating this building and the ocean. I step through and shift to my hybrid form, swimming away before the others can follow me. I needed to clear my head and try making some sense of this.

Taehyung’s POV

I sense her panic as she sees Jimin running off. She tries to stand up, and I push her back to lay down on the bed. “Your body is too weak for walking yet. I promise he is okay. We each have powers that I will explain to you later, and his happens to be seeing visions. That is how we found you girls actually. He saw you drowning, and we came out to find you both.” I say softly as she clings to my arm. “You need some more medicine. Let me get another dosage.” I gentle remove her hand from me and walk to the table on the other side of the room. I sneakily pour it into a cup and walking back to her. “Drink it all. Okay?” I put my finger over my lips to tell you to not say anything about the drink. “Namjoon, We need to let the guys know she is awake. Also, I do not want her staying in here with her sister right there so we need to move her into a bedroom.” I say to Namjoon. 

Namjoon’s POV

I agree with what Taehyung is saying, but how am I suppose to get her into a bedroom without anyone seeing us? “Okay. Well I will need to plan this out with the guys, and that means they need to meet her.” I say knowing he would understand that I was worried mainly about Yoongi and Jungkook. “I will call them up now, so you may wanna explain to her not to say much because they are not happy with their presence.” I say before nodding at her and backing out of the room. My hands grab for my necklace, griping the pendent , and concentrating on calling them all up here. I stand waiting for a few minutes. As I turn around from hearing footsteps, I see them walking up and I can already since trouble. 

“One of them is now awake, and we need to make a plan to get her into a bedroom.” I say before spotting a maid walking down the steps. “Quickly. In the medical room!” I say opening the door and stepping inside behind the boys, quickly locking it behind me. The room falls dead silent. “Sorry Taehyung. We had no time to let you explain anything.” I say as I step near the table with her. “We need to plan things fast. Some of the maids are starting their cleaning shifts, and we do not want others learning about our new guests.”

Hoseok’s POV

I was the first one that attempted to say something. “Hello strange one.” With a smile on my face, I step forward to take a closer look. “I am Hoseok, but you can call me Hobi. I am the middle man in this drama.” I let out a small, amusing chuckle to relieve the tension in the room. “I am neither for nor against you being here, but in any case it is nice to meet you.” I say to you as you slowly extend your hand to me, I take it. “My name is Cora,” she exclaims loud enough for us all to hear her. She looks over my shoulder, meeting the gaze of Jungkook and Yoongi I am sure. “They are the ones you need to be careful of here for a while. They are worried you are going to hurt us or make Namjoon loose his path to the crown.” 

Seokjin’s POV 

I walk up to Taehyung and pull him to the side. “How are her vitals? Have you checked her heart at all? We need to do a full check when we make it to the bedroom because we have to monitor her for a while.” I say before turning to her and nodding my head in greeting. “Hello Cora, pleasure to see you awake now. These two hotheads are Yoongi and Jungkook.” I say as I point from one to the other. They equally scoff and cross their arms over their chest defensively. “Okay so what is this plan exactly?” I ask Namjoon and begin checking her medical chart. “Taehyung, You did a great job. I like that you made sure to give great notes.” I say as I pat him on the back. “I know this must have been hard on you a bit, since you are only a scientist. But I must say that these notes go into great detail of her progress.” My cheeks stretch to a proud smile before Namjoon approaches us.

Namjoon’s POV

I step closer towards them, ready to advise my plan. “Okay. So we need to create a meeting or something with the city which means I will have to create some sort of announcement. I will even make our staff come out for the meeting. So I will leave now and go to the temple to call for everyone. Now, Jimin has had a vision, and he left. So it is up to us to make this happen. Taehyung, You will carry her to a bedroom. Hoseok, I want you to make sure everyone is out of our house. Tell them all that they will miss an important announcement if they are not present. Jin, You need to be checking her vitals because with that move I am sure her body will be very fragile.”

I turn my body to Yoongi and Jungkook with a stern and serious look. “Jungkook, I need you to be with them. Temporarily blind anyone who is in the house when moving her, okay?” He nods at me, acting as if he is ready for some action to happen just so he can use his power. Before I can make Yoongi’s position out, Taehyung walks up behind me and whispers. “He will need to stay here and watch over the one that isn’t awake. If she wakes up in that tank, she will drown in it.” He backs away, moving towards Cora to comfort her again. “Yoongi, you will stay here to protect and monitor the one in the tube.” He stares at me intensely, obvious annoyance plastered on his face. I challenge him by stepping closer to him,showing who was still superior. “Is that going to be a issue?” After a few seconds of eye contact, he breaks and huffs out a sigh, shaking his head slowly as a response. “Good. Another thing. If we come back and she is hurt in anyway I will do the same to you.” He bows slowly to me, backing up as he takes in my threatening words. “Alright then. I will be going now. I will call you all when to start, okay?” They all face me and announce their understanding. I give a quick nod and leave, beginning my swim to the Temple located center of the city. 

Yoongi’s POV  

I look up at the girl in the tube and think of all the ways I could very easily kill her. but I was pulled back in by Taehyung walking up beside me. “If she wakes up press this button here, and make sure you are gentle with her. She will need to be laid on the table here and given this cup of medicine. She must drink it all, okay Yoongi?” He points to the big button on the panel while looking at me with a hurried expression. His eager and cocky attitude annoyed the fuck out of me. I did not want to be brought in the middle of this, but I am loyal to them, especially Namjoon. “Go on and prepare your stuff because as soon as you all get done, I want out of here, I spat out coldly. I hear Taehyung mumble “I hope Jimin comes back to help watch her because I don’t trust him with her.” I scoff and roll my eyes as his little comment, even though it is pretty accurate. Honestly, I did not trust myself with her ether. 

Cora’s POV

I watch Taehyung walk over to me and begin preparing a few things. “You seem worried Taehyung. Will my sister be okay with him? Is he that bad of a person?” I ask, trying to not draw his attention to myself, but failing. I gulp as he walks over to me and smiles, but not in a friendly way. I notice his vicious looking black eyes, hiding half my face behind Taehyung’s body. He laughs and walks away slowly. “Stupid, weak humans,” his husky voice sounds as he takes a seat. My attention turns back to Taehyung as he picks me up bridal style and walks me over to Dion’s tank. I lean my head against the glass. “Wake up please! Do not leave me alone in this weird place. We made each other a promise to never leave the other alone, and you better keep your end of this promise.” I smile, wiping away a few escaped tears and nod at Taehyung. Suddenly the pendent around his thick neck starts glowing. I unknowingly point at it and he darts towards the door.  “Let’s make this quick.” He says as we leave the room. 

We begin making our way to the bedroom as we hear a distant voice coming up the hallway. Jungkook comes at us and shoves us into an empty ballroom quickly. “Stay here for a minute,” he says in a hushed voice before closing the door behind him. We hear him talking to someone seconds after in the hallway. Taehyung’s body tenses as he leans his back against the door, peaking out of the doors small window. My eyes can not help but check out his gorgeous features. His chest slightly heaves, mouth parted as he takes deep breathes. His jaw line is clenches, small drops of sweat forming near his brow. He is beautiful, but I can not focus on this. I close my eyes tightly, trying to rid myself of these thoughts. There is no time to fantasize about the handsome stranger. Not when I am in a strange new world and my sister is fighting for her life. I need to collect myself and pull it together. I will save Dion and find away to escape this bizarre place.

Namjoon’s POV

I gather everyone into the temple, and you can easily see the whole town is confused as to why I am calling them here. “Hello my brothers and sisters! I am bringing you here today because we have a celebration to plan It is for our great God’s Day, the day this place was created and we were made in his image.” I site my hand towards the Poseidon stature in the middle of the Temple’s circle. “I will need everyone to make a pledge to be there and help out with the festivities. I have a scroll I would like signed first. Then, I will proceed with this meeting.” The crowd cheers with excitement for the upcoming holiday. I took over at Hoseok and he gives me a okay signal, letting me know I am doing well with time. A smile stretches on my face as I wave to the people. I just hope the others are doing their part.

Yoongi’s POV

As soon as the door closes, I look up at the tank, slowly getting up and walking towards it. I have never really seen a human up close and this one was very interesting looking. Her hair was long and deep red, draping down to her hips. Her skin was pale, but had these strange little dots all over the flesh. “What a strange, pretty creature you are.” I say as I tap the glass of her pod. I look over her very curvy figure as her lifeless body floats in front of me. “I still wonder what and why Jimin had a vision about you both. It is odd and frankly confuses me.” I catch myself talking to someone that can’t even hear me. I turn around to sit down beside the tank, leaning against it I begin to go into deep thought about what could happen if we change our rules of human interaction. I come back into reality hearing a loud beeping . Suddenly, I hear faint thumps on the glass, causing me to whip my head around. I stand up, shocked to see her eyes wide open and panicking. I quickly hit the open button, causing the water to quickly drain and the glass to quickly slide back into the wall. Her body stumbles forward, flying out at me. My eyes bugle as my reflexes catch her body. She coughs for a minute before looking up at me sluggishly. She has the greenest eyes I have ever seen in my life, making me gulp whatever harsh words I might have blurted out.  “Hello.” I mutter softly to her.

[dalekofchaos]

What I love and hate About Moffat’s Doctor Who

Much like I did for RTD’s Era, I will be listing my What I love and hate about Moffat’s Doctor Who.

What I love

Eleven. Ten will forever be my Doctor but Eleven has a special place in my heart!  I will always remember him in my heart, I will cherish the memories I had that he was The Eleventh Doctor, I will always remember his epic sense of fashion, his triumphs and sad moments, his eccentric childishness both as him and as a way to trick you and then you realize Eleven is truly terrifying. I will always remember Eleven as The Doctor!

Twelve. I love Twelve. He may have had some poorly written episodes given to him, but Capaldi still handled it like the professional he is. Twelve brought back the sternness of One and the dark manipulator of SevenI Capaldi’s ability to portray the extremes of human emotion make him, perhaps, one of the most skilled and diversely talented actors to take on the role. One of the most joyously mesmerising facets of Capaldi's interpretation of the role is the level of sincerity and gravitas with which he approaches every scene - it doesn't matter if the Doctor is being funny, Capaldi plays the Doctor with a sense of naturalism and realism which has breathed new life into the part. While Smith and Tennant each had a wonderful sense of humour in the role, Peter has taken the opportunity to play the straight-man when it comes to scenes involving a degree of comedy, making the Doctor all the more funny for it. I also love Twelve because I liked the fact that his sheer introduction brought back the idea that older actors (and now actresses) can play the character. Having been a lifelong fan himself, Capaldi would have accepted the role knowing full well that his life would never be the same again. Aside from this willing acceptance of the renown that comes with the role, Peter seems to be one of the warmest and most genuine actors to adopt the guise of the Time Lord. He regularly speaks warmly and at length of the entire history of the programme, not just the series since he joined. His knowledge and passion for the shown and it's fans is truly moving as Capaldi is regularly warm and inviting to those fans that speak to him in the street. Some actors can be somewhat short with their fans, especially if they're having a tough day, but Peter seems to be welcoming and charming regardless of the circumstances. In short, he's nothing shy of the perfect ambassador for the show. The Doctor was indeed in safe hands and we will miss Peter dearly.

Moments like The end scene of Vincent And The Doctor and Twelve’s brilliant anti-war speech in The Zygon Inversion. 

Amy Pond and Rory Williams I loved Amy and Rory.  Amy Pond is an incredibly layered, wonderful, and flawed character. She is brave and independent, she is scared of abandonment and commitment, she is rude and yet compassionate. She has a knack for creative problem-solving and can make connections other people can’t, whether it is realising the truth about the star whale or figuring out how to defeat the Weeping Angel.She has had a difficult life, but Amy is always changing and growing, as she holds onto the contradictory pieces that make up her own histoy. We watch her learn to love and to trust. We see her struggling with keeping up with both her travels with the Doctor and the normal life she comes to value. She experiences joy and loss and she just lives, passionately.What is so exceptional about Amy’s ending isn’t that she chooses Rory; she likely would have made the same choice two seasons earlier. But for the first time it feels like a decision that she can be happy with. Because she no longer is “the girl who waited” - and the Doctor didn’t keep her from growing up, he just became part of her story to get there. Rory is awesome. He’s one of my favorite companions ever, despite being on and off at times because of small things like being dead. Rory is smart, cool, actual husband material, and he keeps The Doctor humble.  I adore their relationship. Amy and Rory loved each other. Their relationship is what made series 5 and 6 great. Beautiful soulmates and The Ponds are beautiful.  I think my favorite part about the Eleventh Doctor, Amy, and Rory’s time together was the fact that most of the other companions in New Who were always talked down to. Not that the Doctor didn’t respect them. He did, immensely. But he was always the one to explain something, always the one looking smart, always the leader, always the one saving the day. But in the case with the Doctor, Amy, and Rory, the Ponds were the ones figuring things out and saving the day while the Doctor tripped as he tried to simultaneously put on a bowtie and eat a fishstick. And that’s beautiful.

Clara Oswald Clara Oswald is a perfectly ordinary sweet natured girl, who’s compassionate and caring, who has shown herself to be quite independent on several occasions, who takes care of children simply because she knows perfectly well what they are going through, and saved the Doctor on so many occasions just out of the goodness of her heart. Clara Oswald is a scared but very clever girl, who becomes very good at playing the most dangerous of situations to get advantage and gets addicted to that thrill. From the beginning, she parallels the Doctor, with her whole era basically being a female Doctor origin story.

Bill Potts.  Bill was wonderful. Finally, a companion who is not a forced plot device, Bill is finally a companion who is special just because The Doctor considers her special cause she’s The Doctor’s friend. Bill is a proud gay woman of color. Her introduction is brilliant, hella adorkable, Has immense respect for the Doctor without ever defining herself around him like so many other companions, strong and stands up to him without ever seeming condescending or ‘you may be the Doctor but I know you better than you know yourself’ and all the slapping him. The Doctor and Bill have the healthiest Doctor/Companion dynamic. Has a clear inferiority complex but never takes it out on the people around her. Her first reaction to seeing depressed Heather is to sit down and ask her what’s wrong, because that’s what she feels is right. Basically so incredibly kind and selfless to everybody. I love Bill so much

The Paternoster Gang. Anytime Vastra, Jenny and Strax are on screen, it’s instantly gold. A  trio of associates to the Time Lord who didn't have hokey origins or contrived resurrections. They emerged fully formed and unexplained; Vastra was a lizard serial killer, Jenny was her servant/lover and Drax made some funny jokes about not being able to understand human biology.

Missy Michelle Gomez was so deliciously and hammy evil. I loved every moment she was on screen, it’s a shame The Doctor Falls ruins it. In her first two appearances she was firmly established herself as a force to be reckoned with. Suffice to say, you wouldn't want to meet this renegade Time Lord in a dark alley. She'd sing "Oh Missy you're so fine" and then obliterate you on sight. After taking a selfie with you, of course. Plus Missy always looks her best when she’s ready to destroy the world!  When she gets her lipstick out, you know that something rather unfavourable is about to hit the timey-wimey fan. Anyone can kill someone but it takes a special sort of person to do it with as much attitude as Missy. After all, if you're not going to zap someone to death looking your best, you might as well not do it at all. It's rule one, guys. Though I do wish they just called her The Master. If Moffat doesn’t think she couldn’t keep calling herself The Master, I’m pretty sure he’d rename Thirteen The Nurse.

Simm!Master’s glorious return! Simm!Master returned and it was perfect! It was both what the fans of Classic Master wanted and what Simm wanted. John Simm always wanted to play a dark and evil Master, it was RTD who wanted Simm to play a dancing and giggling lunatic who acted like Frank Gorshin’s Riddler on crack.  Pure and utter hatred for The Doctor and no regard for anyone but himself. Absolutely glorious. It’s just a shame that Simm!Master will not return and an even bigger shame that the surprise of Simm!Master’s return was spoiled by the trailer and bad make up and inability to hide Simm’s voice. 

The Guest episodes in RTD’s era and the new monsters. All the guest episodes are great. Moffat is good at writing monsters. Moffat is responsible for creating the best monsters in New Who. The Weeping Angels, The Empty Child, Vashtra Narada and The Silence were all good. The sad part is Moffat is good at writing guest episodes. 

What I hate

Plots that go nowhere and abandoning established ideas for his plots and just making up as he goes along. Moffat tends to introduce plots and either never intends to go back or explain them or abandons them altogether. In series 5, it’s introduced that Th Alliance, a group of The Doctor’s worst enemies all worked together to put The Doctor in the Pandorica, who brought them altogether, when and how are they joined together and when are they gonna return? Never brought up again....Okay? When we all heard “Silence Will Fall” it gave us a sense of wanting more. And in the series 5 when River went to Amy’s house in The Pandorica part 1 ending, I saw Omega symbols everywhere. This led me to believe that Omega is tied into the cracks in the universe and The Silence and maybe we would see Omega in series 6 and maybe The Silence were created by Omega. It never happens. The Silence are a religious order. It STILL could’ve worked because there were STILL Omega symbols all over in A Good Man Goes To War. And once again, nothing, I don’t know if Omega was ever planned to return but something was dropped. Moving on. I thought that the reason why The Doctor’s name was shown to be this terrible thing in New Who is because The Doctor used his real name to Timelock The Time War and saying it would unleash The Time War on the universe and...his name is dropped like it’s nothing. The Silence with a flip of a hat decide to join The Doctor despite it being their goal to kill him because...reasons. So glad that was resolved so easily. How did The Doctor and Clara escape The Doctor’s timestream? Never addressed. John Hurt’s character. I always thought he was gonna be The Other considering the 50th was coming up and it might be the Cartmel Masterplan. He’s a Doctor between 8 and 9 and was the one who fought in the Time War? Okay. Okay when Missy started appearing and when she talked about Clara “I chose you well” I got the hint that who this big bad was, that she created  Clara to use against The Doctor, this led me to believe that Missy was The Rani. “Oh she’s the Master, but instead of calling her The Master we call her Missy now”....kay? The Master chose their name like The Doctor, I’m pretty sure they would not change it because The Master changed genders, but whatever.  The Hybrid. Something so horrible that The Doctor left Gallifrey “it was The Doctor and Clara” are you fucking kidding me? Oh it gets better, The Doctor doesn’t even care that he found Gallifrey, all he wanted was Clara back despite Clara being content with dying. No seriously you fucking asshole, you wasted my fucking time with either dropped storylines or shit you made up cause we all fucking know you did not know what you were doing. 

River Song The issue with River Song is she is simply an awful character. River stokes The Doctor’s PTSD really bad. She is a character forced upon both the audience and The Doctor. River is a character who kills at the drop of the hat and makes a Dalek scream for mercy. Yeah, call me old fashioned but showing mercy to a Dalek is more compelling. She encourages The Doctor to kill, and reveres him as some untouchable genocidal god, and constantly pushes herself onto him sexually, even though he pulls away. River Song is Steven Moffat’s Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. And there’s the fact that River is predatory. If it was a male character constantly coming on to the much physically younger female character, and being naked and doing so despite being asked not to do that like.... people would have freaked out and called River out for being a predator and had a fit, but because she's an older female and he's a younger bodied male this is... somehow badass and empowered? Oh and let’s not forget the fact that River is somehow part Time Lord? Being born in the fucking TARDIS does not make you part Time Lord. Jesus fucking christ, JENNY is more Time Lord, at least that makes more sense. And the revelation that River is Amy and Rory’s daughter makes no sense. Rory was erased from existence. How can River still be their daughter if Rory died at that point? But moving on.  I hate that she is used as a plot device. Oh, by the way she can fly the TARDIS, and oh by the way, she can flipping regenerate. I’m sorry, but River Song should, by NO means, be able to regenerate. She pops in to get the Doctor in and out of trouble and then disappears to who-knows-where/sometimes prison. And fixed points in time? Excuse me? No. I mean, really. That was absurd. Special rules do not apply to her. Moffat is just trying to make her look cool and I am not sacrificing good writing for image. River Song is a sociopath whose entire life revolves around The Doctor, there is not ONE SINGLE decision she has made for herself. She goes around with a gun, shooting things, causing genociide and we’re meant to believe the Doctor is actually ok with that? Giving her a gun does not make her a strong, independent woman. It makes her a sociopath with a gun. Her smugness annoys me to no end. Fucking spoilers. Fucking hello sweetie. Her sensuality is forced. She has no chemistry with Matt Smith. Her line in the wedding of River Song. I’ll suffer if I kill you-more than the entire universe-yes. How selfish can she get? She is constantly rubbing in her knowledge in not only the Doctor’s face but the companions. It’s like when Moffat took over he wanted to one up RTD so he made River who lets everyone know how awesome she is, how well she knows the doctor, how she can fly the Tardis so well (you turned the “handbrake” off, congratulations) She has no reactions to her parents dying. And finally she is meant to be this brainwashed sociopath who exists to kill the doctor and in the space of literally 30 seconds she changes her mind. A lifetime of brainwashing and trauma and pain and she gets over it in 30 seconds. Like I said, I shit you fucking not River Song is Moffat’s Ebony Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way. And yes, the marriage. It was forced. The Doctor flat out states that he doesn’t want to marry her and she pressures him into it because it’s the only way she’ll let him touch her. If there is any kind of pressure, blackmail or abuse to get someone to marry another person, the marriage is forced. The Doctor was absolutely pressured into participating because not participating would’ve ended the universe. Here’s the difference between Rose Tyler and River Song.  Rose Tyler was a character who existed and had a romance with the Doctor. There was NO love at first sight. it was not Predestined, or anything like that; it was just some crazy old alien being like “oi, you wanna go and see all of time and space?” and rose was all, “yeah, why not!” and they were BEST MATES FIRST. they were just two best mates flying around in their stolen TARDIS, having a laugh, and then when the Stakes Were Raised rose kind of went - oh fuck. i love him. and the doctor went - oh fuck. i love her. it was just a natural, mutual caring and it was just two nerds, both of whom would raise HELL for the safety of the other while saving the universe together.  River Song was a character who existed TO have a romance with the Doctor. We are instantly told, not shown by the first meeting that River is important to The Doctor.  Someone The Doctor would give his screwdriver to and tells her his name. And eventually  they meet again and she kills and The Doctor is okay with it...for reasons. No one ever bats an eye that another genocide happens, but whatever. “Never be cruel or cowardly” apparently The Doctor overlooks why he chose his title when River is around. Honestly, The Doctor would never fall in love with someone who would risk THE ENTIRETY OF SPACE AND TIME because she didn’t want to kill him, i.e. river. he would NOT love someone like that, much less he would certainly not marry her because of it.  Okay. Why is River the only one who knows The Doctor’s name? You might say that River does have a life outside The Doctor cause she’s an archaeologist, yes, but that is barely shown. What do we really know about River? Even though she’s not consistently characterized, we do see that she’s violent, crazy, arrogant, overly sexual, sassy, and even bossy. Not much is known about her that makes us actually love her except that we are supposed to love her because of the Doctor.   If I could change River’s character, it would be this.  River should have been like a future companion who was mentored by The Doctor. Like Seven mentored Ace. In which he becomes like a father to River. She is hateful to him at first because of the conditioning done to her by The Silence. The Doctor saves her from herself and makes her a better person and slowly mentors her, I kind of got that impression when she told Rory about herself in The Impossible Astronaut.  I would have prefered a father/daughter relationship more than a romantic one. And River getting over trying to kill the doctor in just one episode (Let’s Kill Hitler) didn’t really take advantage of the weapon turned companion plot, and it was such a waste! It’s so frustrating how much potential there was there to really tell a story, and instead they just rushed it and made it into a nonsensical mess, rushed into a mystery and rushed into a forced romance. And we will never be free of River, as long as Moffat guest writes for Doctor Who, River will always be there. Even when she is being sent to her death, River Song’s presence is forced upon us in series 10 and no matter how much we want her to go away, River will never leave. Fuck Moffat for forcing River on us.

Moffat’s perception of The Doctor. Moffat sees The Doctor as this angsty vengeful authoritarian god. The Doctor is important because They are the one being trying to make a positive impact in the universe not because they’re a god/angel/cosmic authority/vengeful deity

The Doctor’s Name. Since when does the Doctor’s name matter so much? He chose his own name, Doctor, for a reason. It stands for everything he believes in.  and that’s what matters, not his birth name, they weren’t gonna do the Carmel Masterplan, so it really doesn’t matter. Furthermore, how could the Doctor’s name bring about the end of the universe? I just…I don’t understand? I’m really trying to and I can’t, because it makes no sense. Before Steven Moffat took over, The Doctor wasn’t this prophesied space messiah that all the evil beings in the universe were hell-bent on destroying because they knew that his name had catastrophic properties. Never explained why and all mentions of why his real name is important is thrown away, thus once making something built up entirely pointless.

The Silence Genocide. Here’s the difference between how genocide is presented with the Ninth, Tenth and Eleventh Doctors. The Ninth Doctor has the opportunity to destroy the Dalek Emperor’s fleet with the delta wave generator, but it would be at the cost of the humans and Jack on the game station. He couldn’t bring himself to commit genocide a second time, he would choose to be coward over a killer anyday. With Ten, he had no choice but to destroy the Racnoss and commit genocide, but he was ashamed of himself. The Silence had been on earth for thousands of years and had influenced human history and helped get humanity to the moon. One of them killed a human.  The Doctor sanctioned a genocide of an entire race with a smile on his face and turned on by his psychopathic future forced wife(jesus I wish I was making this up) and the humans just go along with it, The Doctor might as well have just told Cletus to burn a cross on The Silence’s yard. What was The Silence’s crime exactly? furthering Man's achievements? I can only assume that no one knows about the killing of Joy in the toilets, but if the Doctor did its a bit harsh to wipe out a whole race because of the actions of one. I mean, holy shit we have a jail that is capable of holding aliens established in the beginning of the episode and apparently killing them all instead of holding them all away is preferable. 

Apparently sexual assault is funny if a woman forces herself on a man. If someone forces themselves on you without your consent, it is assault. It happened with Amy(while she was on her way to being married), it happened with River, it happened with Clara, it happened with Tasha Lem,  and it happened with Missy. It was not funny in absolutely any time, yet this immature fucking jackass always plays assault for laughs. If this were an older man forcing himself on a younger woman, there would be outrage. and the creepery of women who meet fully grown men as little girls falling hopelessly in love with that same grown man, usually throwing themselves at him and forcibly advancing on him.  And him sexualizing them when they're adults when literally like 5 minutes ago for him they were children, it’s really vile.

Moffat’s inability to break the New Who companion formula with Clara. When we were first introduced to Oswin Oswald, I sincerely thought we were finally getting a new type of companion, FINALLY a companion from the future and not just another modern girl from the UK. Then Oswin was revealed to be a Dalek and she died. Sad but I thought she was a great character and I really wanted her to start traveling with The Doctor, Oswin and Eleven had great chemistry and unfortunately it was wasted potential. Next, we get Victorian Clara. Finally, a companion from the past. Her story was so great and once again good chemistry with Eleven and once again I wanted Victorian Clara to travel with The Doctor and she dies. What happens next? We are once again forced to have a “the companion must be special to travel with The Doctor plot device” and we have Clara Oswald from modern UK. Okay, fuck you. You complete and utter fucking moron. Not every goddamn companion needs to be from the modern UK. The Doctor has traveled with companions from the past, from the future and even aliens, hell, two of his companions were Cybermen. The Doctor traveling with a companion from the past or future works. 

Moffat believes companions should only be female. Gee, it’s not like Ian Chesterton, Steven Taylor, Ben Jackson, Jamie McCrimmon, Alistair Gordon Lethbridge-Stewart, Mike Yates, John Benton, Harry Sullivan  Adric, Vislor Turlough, Mickey Smith, Captain Jack Harkness, Rory Williams and Danny Pink don’t exist or are important. Seriously fuck you, the male companions are just as important as the female companions. 

Death always being teased but never executed upon and made ultimately pointless in the end. Rory has been dying in three fucking seasons until he actually dies in series 7. His death in series 5 was actually great. Then, when Amy and Rory ACTUALLY die in Series 7, it makes absolutely no sense and there are so many plot holes around it, it can be avoidable and The Doctor could simply just travel to a different part of the country in the TARDIS and just go back to New York on plane or car. Their death is completely avoidable and comes off as Moffat saying “He can’t save them because shut up” The Doctor let Amy and Rory go at the end of series 6. That is all you had to do. LET THEM GO, their deaths were avoidable and if you wanted to write them off, let them go. The most interesting Claras died and the last Clara died but was stupidly brought back despite the fact that Clara was content with dying. Ashildr had a great death protecting her people and of course deus ex machina technology makes her immortal. Even Heather, a girl from one episode had a good emotional death, is brought back in the finale. Bill Potts had possibly the worst possible fate. Bill was shot and everyone was shocked. Like damn, Bill is dying and the next thing we know is she is being converted into a Cybermen and who knows The Doctor is being forced to deal with the fact that he led his friend to a fate far worse than death. The emotional pain is there...and it’s ruined. Bill is fine and gets a happy ending like Clara and Ashildr. River is dead AND WE ARE STILL NOT FUCKING FREE FROM RIVER SONG! I don’t know why the fandom perceives Moffat as bad as George R.R. Martin, Moffat is a coward when it comes to death and never sticks with death, everyone HAS to come back and the deaths for every companion is undone and makes their deaths and sacrifice completely pointless. The reason Adric dying worked SO WELL is because he stayed dead and Adric’s death was a sacrifice and it worked. If Moffat was headwriter for Earthshock, I’m pretty damn sure he would find a way to undo Adric’s death. Death has no consequences in Moffat’s Who.

Until Bill Potts, every companion ALWAYS had to be special because the plot demanded it. Amy was “the girl who waited” River was River and Clara was “The Impossible Girl” no one could be special cause they are special to The Doctor, they had to be related to the plot

Day Of The Doctor was not celebrating 50 years of Doctor Who. It celebrated New Who and The Time War. It only celebrates The Time War and Moffat’s Who. It makes Not only that, it makes it black and white, it makes The Daleks the true evil of The Time War and erases the culpability of The Time Lords. Remember  it wasn’t just the Daleks who were the cause of The War, it was The Time Lords themselves who started The Time War when they convinced Four to try and stop the Dalek creation in Genesis Of The Daleks, it’s very important to understand that it wasn’t black and white and make the Time Lords the innocent party. And Day Of The Doctor ignores that and ignores that Rassilon wanted to erase all life and make The Time Lords beings of higher consciousness at the cost of all life in the universe.  

Mishandling The Time War itself. Throughout series 1-4 The Time War was built up as this horrible war that was so horrible that if it did not end, it would’ve destroyed life itself. The Time War NEEDED  to be more than a generic Sci-Fi battle. in the novelization of the episode Rose, 

The Time War was meant to be bigger and more horrifying.“this wasn’t a fight like laser guns and spaceships and explosions, this was a filthy, stinking war that changed reality itself.” Instead, it became a generic Sci-Fi action movie. Instead of the enormous time-traveling, inconceivable concept that was painted. The Time War prior to the 50th was something that we COULD NOT CONCEPTUALIZE because it was not fight like a normal war, it spanned galaxies and time. The true tragedy of it wasn’t that the Daleks were going to destroy Gallifrey or Arcadia, it was that THE DALEKS AND TIME LORDS BOTH WERE RIPPING THE UNIVERSE APART WITH THEIR WEAPONS. You cannot show that. So instead, we got shitty action movie explosions. When I got real interested about the Time War before series 6, a fan trailer showed a concept that The Daleks wanted to capture the Eye Of Harmony and insinuated that the Daleks went to war with the Time Lords to gain Gallifrey’s resources so they can gain mastery over space and time. That alone is more compelling than “Daleks just wanna exterminate the Time Lords” it was lazy writing, even more so by portraying the Time Lords as the innocent party. The Time Lords tried to get The Fourth Doctor to stop their creation and The Seventh Doctor manipulated Davros into destroying Skaro. There is no innocent Time Lords, retconning their actions throughout classic who and ignoring Rassilon and the High Council’s plans was complete and utter lazy writing. Rassilon and the High Council were as scary and menacing as the Time Lords from War Games and  Rassilon was a fearsome genocidal demigod. Choosing to ignore that was seriously dumb. Let’s go over Moffat’s depiction of children of Gallifrey and how he portrays the Time Lords waging War. Ignoring the concept of looming is dumb. “children of Gallifrey” I was just so mad when I heard about this. looming made Time Lords more alien and it is an interesting portrayal of Time Lords being asexual. Ignoring that, the concept of Time Lord Children is really dumb, Time Lord children carry stuffed rabbits. Because Time Lords children = Human children. Oh wait. Then Moffat’s concept of how The Time Lords would wage war.  Time Lord soldiers have helmets.  Time Lord soldiers have helmets to protect them from the rubble. There is rubble.  Things are burning. No, I mean things are literally burning.  Things are burning because the Daleks are shooting ray guns and the Time Lords are shooting back using their super advanced … ray MACHINE guns!!!!  Just to remind the audience, the Time Lords are a superior race with power over time itself.  The Time Lord soldiers have walky-talkies. No really, they do.  When Time Lords make art, they make it in 3 dimensions.  When Time Lords make war, they make it in 3 dimensions.  “Have you ever thought what it’s like to be wanderers in the Fourth Dimension?” Masters of time and you decide to make them have ray-guns? This isn’t the fucking Terminator. And also, it ignores the fact that The Doctor witnessed Gallifrey burned. The way The Time Lords were portrayed in DOTD, was just lazy.     

Sonic Sunglasses. I believe that the sonic screwdriver needed a long break. It worked for Five-Seven so it would work for Twelve.  I like the sonic screwdriver but I hate how they constantly made Ten and Eleven dependent on it and turned it from a time lord device that can open any door to a magic wand that can perform a deus ex machina. What happens instead of Twelve relying on his intelligence and wit? He gets a downgrade and gets himself Sonic Shades. It worked like the screwdriver, with a few added bells and whistles to justify this downgrade.  One of the most noticeable problems with the glasses was that, unlike the screwdriver, their effects weren’t visible. Doctor Who is ordinarily a visual program that has always drawn attention to its colorful sci-fi/fantasy moments. Also, unlike the screwdriver they weren’t exclusive used by The Doctor, making them far less special. Clara, Ashildr and Osgood all donned the specs during the limited number of episodes in which they appeared. In series 10, the glasses committed their greatest sin. After the events in Oxygen rendered The Doctor blind, instead of having him deal with the extent of losing one’s vision, he popped on his magic glasses, thus cheapening the experience. While they didn’t restore his vision, the tech provided him with enough guidance to dramatically lessen the full extent of his blindness. Sadly, if the writers had allowed The Doctor to go 100% blind, the sheer vulnerability of such a powerful character could've made the Monk Trilogy a much stronger arc.

Hell Bent undid Clara’s sacrifice and made Day Of The Doctor completely pointless. Hell Bent STILL leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. All this mystery around The Hybrid and it was completely pointless. Gallifrey was completely wasted. We were given hope that The Doctor would see his home and his people again, but instead of The Doctor restoring Gallifrey, finding Susan, Romana, Leela and Ace again, Gallifrey is reduced to background noise and The Doctor doesn’t even care that he’s home. It was all just to bring back Clara. Clara was content on dying to save Rigsy. Clara paid for her mistakes by trying to emulate and be The Doctor. Heaven Sent was brilliant, it showed The Doctor trying to struggle without Clara, it was emotional and brilliant. Not only is her death undone and Gallifrey is reduced to background noises, Clara is rewarded by her actions by becoming a faux Doctor with a TARDIS and her own companion in Ashildr. This is the complete opposite of what should have happened. She gets rewarded for trying to become The Doctor when she shouldn’t be. She should be paying for it, that’s the whole point. Clara isn’t The Doctor, what makes her different is her primary strength and that’s why they need each other. Clara dying was the only good way to end this character and it ended up as a copout. It took her agency away and because Moffat could not let her go he had to bring her back, thus making Face The Raven and Day Of The Doctor completely pointless

Because Moffat STILL will not let River go, he has a portrait bigger than his own granddaughter’s Susan Foreman. There is no way within time and space that The Doctor will never believe River Song is more important than his own granddaughter. In my opinion, he should have picture frames of Rose, Jackie, Mickiem Jack, Martha and Donna, The Ponds and Clara along with Susan, but only River gets the big special picture. Fuck Moffat and his petty favoritism

Nardole For the majority of series 10, The Doctor was followed around by a cue-balled whiny crying cyborg known as Nardole. He first appeared in the 2015 Christmas episode with a purpose and then proceeded to just sort of hang out afterward with no discerning purpose. Then midway through series 10 in the episode Extremis, his purpose was explained. He was just a reminder that River Song is still there. We can’t be free of River no matter what and because of that we have to sit through this unbearable, annoying screaming robot. Kamelion is better than him and that should show you how bad Nardole is, but unlike Kamelion who had issues cause the robot malfunctioned and only lasted a few episodes,  we suffered through the entirety of series 10 because of Nardole.

Bad make up and giving away Simm!Master in the teaser ruined the reveal. The series 10 trailer spoiled that John Simm would return as The Master at some point. However, since he didn’t appear in the first ten episodes, it became a given that’s he’d appear sometime during the two-part series finale. And while they might have been saving him for part two, it was likely they’d want to utilize him for the entire story arc. So with all that in mind, a character that looked and sounded like John Simm in heavy makeup appeared about 15 minutes into the penultimate episode, The World Enough and Time. Some viewers may have been as shocked as The Doctor and Missy were by the reveal, but it could’ve been handled better. Simm did his part by disguising his voice and mannerisms. Yet it feels like a lost opportunity with an easy enough fix, if anybody had cared. The whole thing could’ve been avoided by either not including The Master in the trailer, or by disguising Simm in even more makeup and prosthetics.

Ignoring Simm!Master’s character arc in End Of Time. I don’t like End Of Time for a majority of reasons, but even I understand that Simm!Master had an arc in End Of Time. Sure, he mostly wanted revenge for what Rassilon’s done to him, but he still saved The Doctor, he considered The Doctor’s offer and had a realization that maybe he doesn’t have to be bad. Simm!Master had sane moments in his insanity which all had in some way the Doctor involved, showing him listening, with tears in his eyes. And in The Doctor Falls, he is completely unchanged. Acts as if the character arc never happened, Simm!Master is sexist for no reason.  Time Lords have no real concept of gender inequality. The Master had respect for Jo Grant, Nyssa, Tegan and Martha Jones and never harbored sexist attitude for them, he had ill feelings as an enemy, that’s it. Made to hate the Doctor so much he’d rather die than standing with him - Ignoring the fact that’s exactly what he did in The End of Time Part 2 and also the fact that the Master’s main goal over everything else was always his own survival. So he dies unredeemable, learns nothing, uncaring asshole, and completely disregards his character development in "The End of Time and all just to make Missy look good.

Missy had no reason for wanting to change and my annoyance at the name change. I don’t see or understand why Missy wanted to change. Obviously they are gonna give her a redemption story for...reasons. What are the reasons you might ask?...Shut up. Well, we obviously need her to fight her demons so why not give her absolutely no reason to want to change (except “I want my friend back” which apparently wasn’t enough reason for any other Master) I seriously do not understand why Missy would want to change. Missy/Master would want to fight a common foe with The Doctor and later betray The Doctor later and their game would go on as it always goes. Missy had no motivation, every chance The Doctor gave her, she always went back to her old ways. Missy’s “change” simply comes off as “let’s praise Missy She’s changed!! Why? Who cares. Motivation? Character development? Nuances? I can’t do that, I can only create a contrast between new and old so crass, everyone will see the change! Shut up and stop asking questions!” If Missy returns, I want  them to stop calling her Missy. Call her The Master. The Master chose their name like The Doctor, I’m pretty sure they would not change it because The Master changed genders. You don’t just change that name. She can very well still call herself The Master, there is no reason why, they cannot call her The Master. Changing gender is not a reason to change the title The Master chose to be called as such as they believe they can rule and subjugate the universe. But The Master should at the very least return as a villain, despite the forced change.

The Daleks and Cybermen are misused and overpowered. The problem with the Daleks is that Moffat has no idea what he wants to do with them. This video explains it perfectly. When the Daleks returned in series 5, they returned with an awful new look but they are still the biggest threat in the universe and the emotional trauma and hatred with the Doctor is there. Then, The Daleks go away and nothing is done with them. In series 7, Asylum Of The Daleks they return. They are not treated like the unstoppable force they were once in Classic Who or in Davies’ Who or even in Victory Of The Daleks. They are instead treated like another monster of the week. It’s not a big deal for The Doctor to face them anymore, he doesn’t seem to have any kind of reaction to them still operating or prospering in the universe. So now with no explanation Skaro is apart of the universe again despite the fact that it was destroyed in Remembrance of the Daleks,  there is a Dalek parliament, thousands of them exist, they have their own asylum(apparently the Daleks are too scared of their own malfunctioning Daleks) and they have death camps. Dalek death camps and The Doctor doesn’t care. Dalek death camps and The Doctor has no reaction to nor does he want to help anyone in the camps. While the execution of Evolution of The Daleks wasn’t very good, Dalek Sec was right that the purity of the Daleks would always destroy them in the end and must change if they are to survive, but that is no longer relevant. The tone of the Dalek appearances after Victory Of The Daleks shows their menace is no longer there. The Doctor goes from being enraged and consumed by grief by seeing The Daleks, to not feeling anything nor caring that the Daleks having death camps across the universe. The Rusty thing just didn’t work. The only thing that did work was the “you are a good Dalek” line. The Daleks have lost their menace and if The Doctor doesn’t care or show any fear or hatred towards them, then why should we as an audience care? As for the Cybermen. The problem is they are just the Cybus Cybermen with the symbol removed, the same monotone “DELETE” the only difference is they are too overpowered and well they are apparently Iron Man now thanks to the Nightmare In Silver all rocket boots and detachable limbs and superspeed. In  Dark Water/Death in Heaven they are nothing but Missy’s slaves with no autonomy of their own rather than a true force to be feared. It hasn’t helped that more often than not, modern Doctor Who has repeatedly decided the only way to beat the Cybermen is to overwhelm them with the power of love, a trope the show falls back on far too often. What made the Cybermen scary in Classic Who is when they were first envisioned, they were meant to be a chilling extrapolation of what creators Dr. Kit Pedler and Gerry Davis saw as the future of prosthetics and cosmetic surgery, humankind chopping bits of itself until what was left was more machine than man. Only their very first incarnation, the Mondasian Cybermen has ever tangibly captured the gruesome, tragic roots that sit at the heart of the concept behind them as monsters. Tomb Of The Cybermen also showed them as a true threatening monstrosities.  So when the Mondasian Cybermen do return, Bill is converted and what happens? Bill retains consciousness and apparently it’s not enough to have the Mondasian Cybermen, Moffat just HAS to bring back his overpowered Iron Man knock off Cybermen. No true and utterly terrifying new designs, just the overpowered Metallic Gary Stu Iron Man Cybus Cybermen. So as usual Moffat has a genius idea and manages to ruin it in the end.  

Moffat’’s sexist garbage ruined The First Doctor in Twice Upon A Time. I have seen EVERY First Doctor serial and One is not sexist at all. I get it, the sixties were a different time, Since the First Doctor was of that era, he wanted the audience to laugh at how different things were back then. Especially with the constantly horrified reactions of Twelve at his former’s self’s behavior. So what’s the problem? Short answer, it’s because the First Doctor wasn’t like that. Not even remotely.  And this is the story that takes place before One’s regeneration, apparently Moffat doesn’t care about all the character development One went through with Ian and Barbara, he just wanted bad humor that goes against One’s character just so he can appear as the better party “see? My Doctor is better than Classic Who” no, asshole, The First Doctor was not at all like that One wasn’t a walking ball of sexism, he was a curmudgeonly grumpy old space grandpa who lightened up with his first human contact, grew warmer and closer to them and learned to help rather than… eh.. smash people’s skulls with rocks.

The real problem with Moffat is that  Moffat is a good writer, capable of being a great one at times, but a terrible showrunner. Steven Moffat was a man who in the beginning had some marvelous ideas, and much like another BBC writer Terry Nation. When writing scripts once or twice a year were completely brilliant, but when stretched to almost write an entire series single handed, the outcome suffered. Doctor Who used to be a show full of heart, courage, emotion, character driven, cared more about the heart of the show and character than the concept of the over-complicated plot that will eventually be dropped at the end of the series. And honestly sometimes Moffat’s fans sound like Rick And Morty fans “To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Moffat’s Doctor Who." that’s what most of y'all sound like.  After watching the teaser for series 11, I am finally really excited for Doctor Who. It feels like everything it used to be, everything that made Classic and Davies’ Who great. 13 and her new friends I cannot wait and finally it feels like Doctor Who