#Miwa | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

rahuratna · 3 months ago

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Love Thine Enemy

The JJK sorcerers find themselves faced with a slippery customer - a cursed spirit with the worst pick-up lines imaginable ...

CW: Suggestive and explicit language.

Characters: Ijichi, Nanami, Ino, Kusakabe, Gojo, Yuuta, Miwa, Rika.

Genres: Crack, humour.

It was Ijichi who encountered the cursed spirit first. He was, in fact, probably present for the series of events that had birthed the unfortunate being into existence.

The exorcism he was assisting on was currently taking place in a well-known photography studio, known for its high production value photo shoots of models, actors and sports stars. Somehow, this place had become a breeding ground of negative energy. Ijichi could feel it, soaking into the very fabric of the building, saturating it until it came flooding out in a sickly, sour-edged aura.

The exorcism had gone successfully enough, with Ijichi producing his well-practiced veil, covering the area in a dense, impenetrable curtain. It was when everything was seemingly over, when the grade two sorcerer, Kiryu, had spoken in crackly fashion into his ear piece, that Ijichi felt it.

That sly, barely perceptible winging of cursed energy just within his radar. Spinning on his heel, Ijichi scanned the area where he stood, just outside the building. Something was here. He had no doubt. He'd felt it, and he trusted his instincts.

Warily entering the small alleyway where he'd felt the presence, Ijichi knew that Gojo would have his head on a platter if he knew the risk that he was taking, but he couldn't very well leave without investigating fully. What if there had been something the sorcerers had missed?

That something was eerily evident when he felt it coalesce in the alley behind him. Before Ijichi had any chance to react, something brimming and fetid with cursed energy brushed his ear, and a voice whispered to him.

"Hey, cutie. Want me to fog up those glasses of yours?"

Ijichi, who had been preparing for a quick getaway, froze in place.

"Wha - "

"You heard me. Hmmmmm. I like that little pocket organizer. Got something else in your pocket for me?"

"Are ... are you - "

"You're stuttering right now, but did I? Don't think so. What're you packing, hot stuff? I like my men skinny, timid and begging for a spanking - "

There comes a moment, in everyone's life, when their most primal survival instincts kick in. There is a shutdown of unnecessary bodily functions as a fight-or-flight response asserts itself, lending unnatural speed or strength.

This was one of those times for Ijichi. The discarded newspapers in the alley fluttered gently in the aftermath of his very speedy exit.

Ijichi did report it, of course, being the stickler for proper mission protocol that he was. Thus it was that the next unfortunate encounter with the dastardly 'flirting curse' occurred with none other than Kusakabe.

The curse had moved on from the photography studio, to some hotel in an upmarket area nearby. Not good for business, obviously. Atsuya thought it would be excellent practice for the students, however, and so had brought Miwa along. While Ijichi's experience told him that the spirit hadn't been particularly dangerous, evolution was a possibility, and so he intended to stick close by.

Prowling through the airy, marble floored corridors, Atsuya unwrapped a lollipop and stuck it between his teeth. This hunt was taking a little longer than expected. The spirit was good at remaining concealed. Yawning a little, he linked his fingers and stretched his arms overhead, hearing a satisfying crack.

"Sensei!"

Miwa's warning shout was entirely unnecessary, as Atsuya's sword was already unsheathed, glinting menacingly as he faced off against the dark cloud that descended from the ceiling, adopting a vaguely feminine shape. The voice that spoke was indeed an evolution, sultrier, with a husky cast.

"My my. I do love a man in a suit. I bet that lollipop takes the shape of your tongue, just like my pu- "

"Cut the crap," Atsuya growled. "Miwa, stay alert."

"Easy, tiger. You're a little rough around the edges. Are you rough between the sheets too, big boy?"

Miwa let out a surprisingly martial yell, springing forward and slashing at the fog-like miasma. Her attack was true, but the spirit was obviously talented at evading.

"Stop harassing sensei, you cow!"

A hushed giggle reached their ears.

"The kitten has teeth. Wonder if you bite too, my Trenchcoat Tomcat. Wanna get to the nice, creamy centre of my lollipop?"

Despite Miwa's impressive efforts, Atsuya was growing increasingly annoyed with this spirit. Couldn't it just shut up? Discreetly, he let a near-invisible slash from his sword reach the end of the room. Part of the wall crumbled; gilt wallpaper sliced to shreds. The spirit was now on the other end of the hallway, that irritating cackle now echoing, elusive.

"Oh goodness. What a hairy temper. Wonder if you're hairy everywhere, huh? I like a bit of manhandling from a big, hunky - "

"Ewwwwww!"

Miwa's horrified scream was a tad juvenile, but Atsuya couldn't really blame her. The curse evaded them this time, escaping through a nearby window, leaving him with the strong desire to scrub himself clean. He almost didn't unwrap another lollipop.

Inexcusable.

And that was how Nanami and Ino ended up dealing with the flirting curse next. At this point, it had become a running bet in the grade one sorcerer group chat as to who would run into it in their upcoming mission.

Gojo would win some cash. Not that he needed it.

Ino was the first to come across it. They'd found themselves in a country club of sorts, the kind only present in this kind of affluent area. Out near the pool and suana, Ino had tugged off his shirt, diving into the water and performing a rapid check for traces on the pool floor. Finding nothing, he'd re-emerged and climbed out, water dripping down his bare chest, when he heard it.

"Damn, sugar. You got me so thirsty on a hot day like this."

There was a woman seated on one of the poolside chairs, shaded by a parasol. She hadn't been there just a few minutes ago. Ino tensed, fists bunching at his sides. Unperturbed, she pulled down her sunglasses, her dark, dark eyes tracking the droplets of water as they made their slow pathway down the young man's abs. She licked her lips.

"Want me to dry you off, honey? Or make you ... more wet? I bet I can show you a thing or two."

Ino opened his mouth to retort, but at that moment, the woman's eyes widened, and she vanished in a wisp of smoke as a powerful slash of electric blue energy bisected her chair and destroyed the wall behind her. Nanami strode out of the wide glass doors, rolling up his sleeves, blonde hair gleaming in the sunlight. If Ino didn't know any better, he'd say the stoic sorcerer looked annoyed.

Nanami straightened his glasses and inspected the ghostly movement of the spirit with predatory menace.

"I'll thank you to leave my colleague out of this. Now why don't you take a more corporeal form so we can see how ... appealing you are."

A soft shriek of laughter reached their ears.

"And what do we have here? A real daddy, looks like. Coming to protect your cub? I'll let you fill me up so much. I bet I can give you ten more cubs like him."

"Unfortunately for you, unprotected sex with cursed spirits is not one of my preferences. Now stay still, please."

Nanami was undoing his tie, and Ino saw this as his cue to make a hasty retreat to the entrance, because things were bound to get dangerous. The spirit hadn't received the same signal, because it was still speaking.

"I can be a human for you. Heck, I can be anything you want me to be. Why don't you tie up my wrists and make me feel how hard you can - "

"How hard? Here, let me show you."

The sheer power of the blast sent bricks and mortar rocketing across the paved driveway beyond the wall of the pool area. Ino gave silent thanks that they'd evacuated the building first. Nanami wasn't usually this reckless with his strength, but something about this spirit was obviously pushing his buttons.

In the chaos that followed the settling of dust and rubble, the spirit had made a hasty escape once again. Sighing, Nanami re-did his tie, making his way over to Ino. The younger sorcerer eyed him curiously.

"You good?"

"Yes."

Nanami's angry mumbling wasn't fooling anyone however. Ino caught the tail end of his complaint.

" ... as if I didn't have to deal with harassment at my other job. And here we are, having to listen to this drivel. Didn't even have the decency to introduce itself ... "

Lips pursing tightly, Ino hid his amusement as he followed Nanami back into the country club, snatching up his shirt as he did so.

Gojo was not a good match-up for the spirit, when he inevitably did encounter it. Unlike the other sorcerers, he couldn't be bothered to take it seriously. The spirit registered as a bothersome house fly in his periphery as he stalked bigger prey through a deserted shopping mall, one that had been evacuated due to Jujutsu Tech's influence.

Gojo was hunting a rogue curse user, one that had plagued the market district at night, consuming his victims in alleyways he had dragged them into. A real piece of work.

When he eventually found the curse user, holed up in a frozen meat section, sharpening his tools, Gojo did take note of another brief, flitting presence that wove in and out of his perception. Another curse. But one unrelated to his current mission.

With his usual power, flair and panache, Gojo dispatched the curse user, dodging and weaving gracefully around the other's lightning fast strikes and dealing a concussive blow to his opponent's head. Someone in the background was cheering for him.

"Oh, God damn, aren't you just in a different league? That hair, that face, that body. Mmmmm hmmmm. Whip his ass, boss man. Show him who's in charge. Make him crawl. Make him beg."

Gojo turned slightly towards the direction of the voice, smile simultaneously pleasant and flippant.

"And who are you, pretty gal?"

The curse, for the first time ever, faltered.

"Uh ... I'm ... well, I'm me. Your number one admirer. Ahem. Yes. You sexy beast. So tall. I'll bet you're really long everywhere."

At this, Gojo's lips curved into a cocky smile and he flicked his wrist, sending the curse user careening into a nearby wall, smashing into the bricks with force, head lolling as the pain of consciousness was given up for blissful darkness. The crystalline flame of Gojo's gaze danced with flickering intensity in the shadow of the dimly lit storefronts.

"Hell yeah. Didn't know you were kinky like that, babes. I got a pretty sizeable monster, right here, behind this zipper. Wanna come see?"

The spirit laughed, but something about it sounded nervous, uncertain.

"And what's in it for me, big boy?"

Gojo spread out his arms, grin growing more feral by the second.

"But sweetcheeks, I thought we had an understanding. I was gonna try out my new technique, that's all. The one where I turn my cum into tiny bullets and fire them right into your mouth so you explode."

There was a brief silence.

"E - explode?"

"From pleasure, of course!" Gojo let out an unconvincing giggle, rubbing the back of his head. "Yeah. Can't believe I forgot that part."

Needless to say, Gojo didn't hear anything more from the curse. Its presence had disappeared from his perception fairly quickly. Tapping his chin, Gojo reflected on the fact that Nanami was right. This was one slippery customer.

The young man hadn't seemed like much from afar. Just another sorcerer on its trail. It had escaped all the others, including that powerful one in the deserted mall, so the curse now had a healthy dose of confidence in its ability to exit the stage.

Of course, even astute cursed spirits, like the Flirting Menace, faced their Waterloo at some point. Sometimes fate favours spirits, enabling a series of evolutions that render them more powerful. Sometimes, they pick the wrong victim entirely.

Slipping out of the laboratory at the medical centre it had been recently inhabiting, the curse took on the voluptuous form of a technician, her sizeable cleavage all but spilling from the low cut shirt she wore beneath a lab coat. The young man turned slowly, shadowed eyes taking in the shape of his opponent. The spirit spoke.

"Now you look like a treat, little lamb. Wanna come sit in my lap? I bet I can show you all kinds of things with my probe and pipette."

The response was certainly not one the spirit had been expecting. There was something in the sorcerer's eyes that was kind, pitying almost.

"Oh, there you are. How about you give up now and come quietly. It'll probably make things easier."

The spirit dissolved in a fit of giggles.

"Me? Come quietly? Baby boy, I have a much better idea. How about I discipline you with a paddle on your naughty, naughty, tight little ass until you obey your mistress? Even good boys need some discipline from time to time."

The look on the sorcerer's face had shifted to something like pained expectancy. He sighed and grimaced.

"If you stop doing that, she might not get so agitated, you know."

"She? Oh my. Don't tell me you're already taken. I mean, she's probably nothing compared to me - "

The spirit's words cut off abruptly as something large, vast and powerful, moving with ferocious speed, shot from inside the boy (how was that possible?) and coalesced in the middle of the foyer. Spiny white and purple flesh, an eyeless mask of menace, a presence that filled the building with sheer dread, the lesser cursed spirit could recognize an apex predator when it beheld one.

A moment of deep, existential fear gripped the flirting spirit as the young man addressed the spectre that had come from inside him.

"Rika?"

"Yuuttaaaaaa. I'll kill, kill, killkillkillkill. Don't look at Yuta. Don't talk to Yuta. Don't exist near Yuta!"

The nightmarish voice lashed through the foyer like a whip, buffeting the smaller curse with such malice that it was blown back.

Oh boy. Now this was ... unexpected. Time to beat a hasty retreat ...

As it had done countless times before, the cursed spirit slipped through a handy crack in the nearby elevator doors, seeking out the grate above through which it could ...

A sudden, white-hot pain lanced through its form, rendering it immobile. Panicking, the spirit glanced back, perceiving the hideous talon that had shot with unnatural speed across the space, through the doors, and speared its 'body' in place. In this incorporeal form, nothing should have been able to hold it down, besides ...

The elevator doors suddenly buckled under extreme force and the spirit found itself tugged back across the glossy tiles, towards the sorcerer and his ... companion. Slowly, surely, the spirit was dragged towards the jagged teeth of that gaping white maw, horror and finality warring as its brief existence flashed through its own memory.

The sorcerer was smiling now, the corners of his eyes crinkling in charming helplessness, such that the spirit could discern (too late) the terrifying and implacable steel behind those sweetly curving lips.

"I'm awfully sorry. You're kind of cute, for a spirit but ... Rika? Take care of this, would you?"

And so, the brief, but bright career of the Flirting Menace faded slowly from the memory of the sorcerers it had tormented. It had been unique, after all.

Even with their packed schedules and the increasing tension now permeating Jujutsu society, there were still occasions when Kusakabe would glance at the creamy centre of his lollipop with distaste, when Nanami would remember with fondness what it was like to destroy a millionaire's poolside aesthetic, when Gojo would wonder how much money he could have won if he'd just bet on Yuuta in the first place.

As terrible as those pick-up lines surely were, they had found a rightful place in posterity.

And in the mysterious depths of Rika's stomach, of course.

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