#you have no idea how much i wanna binge my childhood movies again

[8aji]

omg im so fucking annoying why cant i stop talking during movies 😭

[yoontopia]

sobremesa | kth

pairing: kim taehyung x (f) reader

genre: childhood friends to lovers(?). tiny amounts of smut in the form of grinding, heavy makeout sessions in a car, mostly fluff, microscopic amounts of angst HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAE!!!!

rating: M

word count: 9.1k

sobremesa: a spanish word for that time spent after a meal, hanging out with family or friends, enjoying each others’ company

summary: you’ve known Kim Taehyung practically all your life – your parents are best friends and that inevitably leads to the two of you being forced to hang out at family gatherings – being the same age and all. But you don’t really know Kim Taehyung beyond cramped bedrooms, family potlucks, and annual New Year’s Eve parties. He’s never been a part of your picture and you’ve never been a part of his. You know Kim Taehyung in snapshots, periodic glimpses into his life over shared meals that will never overlap with yours outside these little moments. Or so you think.

                                                         -2006-

“This is my boy – Taehyung – he’s twelve too!” Mr. Kim announces, with a wide smile on his face. You stare curiously at the little boy hiding behind his father. He’s got a tuft of dark hair and he looks over at you curiously, like you’re a specimen at a museum. Your dad pats you on your back and one look at his face tells you that you’re meant to entertain this Taehyung kid.

“Oh, um,” you say, stepping forward. “We can just hang out in my room, I guess.”

“We’ll call you when dinner’s ready,” your mom tells you, smiling encouragingly. You nod and beckon Kim Taehyung upstairs. He follows you wordlessly and you usher him into your bedroom. He looks around, that same curious expression on his face before making himself comfortable on the beanbag chair you keep in your room.

“So, do you wanna like—watch a movie or something?” You don’t have a lot of experience with boys. Taehyung is small for his age though, and you can look at him in the eye if he stands up. He’s a lot smaller than the boys you’re used to at school, and so you find yourself more comfortable with him. He shrugs in response and you heave out your beloved laptop your dad had so kindly let you use for the night. Taehyung’s eyes flicker towards your bookshelf and his expression visibly brightens.

“You like Cardcaptor Sakura?” he asks, and you hear his voice for the first time. You look at him in surprise. No boy at your school likes Cardcaptor Sakura, but you love the series and your parents bought you a couple of volumes for your birthday.

“Yeah! It’s really cute. Uhm… do you wanna watch that instead? I have the DVD set.” Taehyung nods, looking far more enthusiastic than before and the two of you binge the entire first season, sitting shoulder to shoulder on your double bed.

                                                         -2007-

You don’t know anyone here. It’s somebody’s birthday, but they’re an adult and you don’t really care. These kids are unfamiliar and rowdy and honestly all you want to do is go home and read Harry Potter until you fall asleep. You’d hang out with your parents, but they’d ushered you to go play with the other kids. Looking through the various bedrooms in this ridiculously large house you hear voices coming from behind a shut door.

Knocking before opening it slowly, you peek in only to find Kim Taehyung with his arm around some kid’s neck. They’re on the floor, wrestling. Boys, you sigh mentally. Taehyung looks up, hair in his eyes, a sheen of sweat covering him.

“My phone—get my phone!” He’s yelling your name and you’re surprised he even remembers you. You’d only hung out a handful of times after your first, fateful meeting after all. You glance down and pick up the small black device the other boy is trying to reach for. Taehyung lets the other kid go and he’s gasping for air as you hand the phone back to its rightful owner.

“I’m Jungkook,” the boy introduces, voice high. “Junghyun’s younger brother,” You have no idea who Junghyun is, but you nod and introduce yourself anyway. “Are you Tae’s age?” Your eyes travel to Taehyung, who’s scrolling on his phone now.

“Yeah,” he answers for you, and you’re surprised to hear how his voice has deepened. “She’s my age. Close the door, will you? We’re watching Claymore and Kook’s mom will have a stroke if she finds out—he’s only ten.” You shut the door behind you cautiously. At least he hadn’t demanded you leave.

Feeling weirdly accepted and elated, you sit down to join the boys.

                                                       -2008-

Jungkook becomes a part of your small family-friends group. None of you even go to the same schools, but you see each other occasionally when your parents want to spend time with their friends. You like Jungkook, even though he’s younger. He’s friendly and bubbly and likes manga as much as you do. You’re still scared of his older brother though, but Junghyun is old (three whole years older than you!) and he’s allowed to stay home alone when his parents leave so he never comes anyway. Rumor has it that he even has a girlfriend.

You’re making it through life like any middle-schooler would. You have two close friends at school that you do everything with and it’s the year your dad presents you with your first phone. It’s got a full keyboard and you can text Jiyeon and Solhee whenever you want. You spend hours into the night talking about Jung Hoseok, who’s a ninth grader, and how cool he is. You have the tiniest crush on Hoseok – he’s the dance team captain, and he always smiles at you in the hallways even though he doesn’t know you. Hoseok smiles at everyone, it’s just how amazing he is. You’re too shy to talk to him though, envying the girls he speaks to on the daily. You think you and Hoseok would be good friends if you were braver.

                                                        -2009-

“You’re going to a French immersion high school? Seriously?” You don’t know if you’re more impressed or exasperated. Maybe both. Taehyung nods and accepts the cup of tea you offer him. You can hear your parents heartily belting out to some 80’s pop song in the basement – it seems the karaoke session is going well.

“Figured its never too late to learn,” he shrugs, taking a sip of the drink and wincing because its piping hot. His voice has deepened now that the two of you are fourteen, sounding like it’s dipped in honey. “Plus, all my friends are going there, and I don’t wanna be that guy who knows no one at his high school on the first day.” You try to laugh along, but it comes out all awkward—you don’t want to admit that that’s going to be you at your new school. Taehyung eyes you suspiciously.

“But of course,” he continues, in that same airy tone. “I think it’d be cool to start over somewhere where no one knows you. A clean slate.” You smile privately at his tact.

“It’s nerve-wracking though. What if I don’t make friends?” you sound small as you voice out the one fear you’ve been too scared to admit. Taehyung hums and sips his tea again.

“You will,” he says easily. “But if you don’t you always have me and Jungkook. We’re practically forced to hang out with you.”

You throw your wet teabag at him. He laughs, the sound rich and deep and you find your mind cleared of your anxiety.

                                                      -2010-

“Ay here comes the Frenchie,” Jungkook wolf-whistles and you turn around to see Taehyung making his way toward you. “Are you fluent yet?”

“No, but I can tell you to fuck off in more than one language now,” Taehyung grins, giving you a one-armed hug in greeting. He smells like vanilla and clean laundry – a refreshing contrast from the boys at school that drown in Old Spice. You want to bury your nose in his sweatshirt.

“Wow, school fees well spent,” Jungkook nods sagely. “I can’t believe I’m the only middle-schooler left.” Taehyung is taking his seat in the chair next to you, your hand still grasped in his, much larger and warmer one. Taehyung has always been physical – not just with you, but with everyone. You’re all at a restaurant this time, celebrating the fact that Junghyun not only got into his dream university, but managed to survive without flunking his first semester. You don’t know why you had to squeeze into a dress for this occasion, but alright. You barely even know Junghyun – he doesn’t fraternize with his kid brother’s best friends. “Oy, here’s Jimin.” The two of you look up to see another boy making his way towards you. “My mom’s best friend’s kid,” Jungkook whispers to you two, rather like he’s divulging the nation’s greatest secrets.

Jimin sits down next to Jungkook and you mutter polite hellos at each other. As it turns out, he’s the same age as you and Taehyung.

“So, this is the kid’s end of the table, huh?” Taehyung murmurs in your ear and you laugh.

“Don’t complain – would you rather sit next to my dad and have him clap you on the back hard every minute?” Taehyung winces at that, clearly having multiple war flashbacks. Jimin stares at you two.

“So how do you all know each other?” has asks. Taehyung blinks.

“Oh me? I’ve known her—since when—? We were like twelve,” you nod. Has it really been that long? You’re sixteen now. “And I met Jungkook not long after, I think.”

“The three musketeers,” Jungkook cheers, raising his glass as if its not full of just orange juice. Jimin nods. Taehyung rolls his eyes

As the dinner progresses, you find out you like Jimin too. He’s friendly and before you know it, you have each other on Facebook. Jungkook proclaims that all of you need a way to keep in touch and that’s how you find yourself in a group chat with three noisy boys.

                                                         -2011-

“Uno motherfucker!” Jungkook dramatically throws down his second-last card onto the pile. You groan. How is this boy so ridiculously good at literally every game?

“Not so fast, Jeon,” Taehyung is next to you, wearing pajama bottoms with ducklings on them. Throwing down his only wild card, he’s changing the color of cards up. You laugh delightedly because thank-you-Tae-you-lifesaver. He gives you a hearty fist bump. Jimin is on your other side, and as always, the man is more action than words because he quietly puts down a +4 that has Jungkook screaming into his pillow.

You’re all cooped up in your bedroom. Taehyung’s parents have already told him he could stay over, and he’s promptly changed into his sleeping clothes. It isn’t a rare occurrence for him to crash in your guest bedroom every time your parents hang out late into the night. Jimin and Jungkook are still in their jeans getting more and more uncomfortable by the hour. It’s past midnight and the parents downstairs have no intention of ending the party any time soon.

“You should’ve just stayed over too,” Taehyung says, watching Jungkook trying to change his sitting position for the third time in the last twenty minutes.

“I live literally down the block,” Jungkook snaps. It’s true – Jungkook’s family had moved onto your street only last year. “I’ll sleep in my own bed thanks.”

“Besides, is Jooyoung okay with you staying over at another girl’s house?” Jimin mutters, picking up a card and frowning. “Won’t she have a fit?”

“Who?” you and Jungkook ask at the same time.

“His girlfriend,” Jimin giggles next to you, and Jungkook is practically yodeling. Taehyung’s ears go slightly red. You look at him in surprise.

“I didn’t know you had a girlfriend,” you tell him and his ears, if possible, go even redder.

“He’s been with her for a whole month,” Jimin proclaims proudly and you’re looking at Taehyung again because wow—that seems serious.

You have no expertise in dating. There’s a cute boy in your English class called Choi Seungcheol that you like to look at. He’s got a nice smile and really long eyelashes over eyes that look like they hold galaxies in them. One time, he lent you his dictionary and you almost melted into a puddle of goo. But Seungcheol runs with the popular kids, even though he’s always been sweet to you, and you’re still somewhat of a recluse. All of a sudden, Taehyung seems really grown up and faraway.

“She already knows,” Taehyung says testily, and gestures wildly at you, “Plus it’s not like the two of us are even remotely close enough for her to care too much.”

You find you’ve suddenly lost all interest in the card game.

                                                      -2012-

“Can’t believe you’re leaving us,” Jungkook pouts as he stares at you and Taehyung. “Can’t believe I only have Jimin from now on.”

“Don’t be dramatic,” Jimin quips. It’s your graduation party – the third graduation party you’ve attended in the last two weeks – Taehyung had his first, then Jimin, and now you. You’ve chosen a university that’s three hours away. Jimin chose to attend college in town.

Taehyung, surprising you all, is moving a whopping six hours away, across the country. The art program he’s chosen is super elite and you’d all had a potluck at his house with your families when he’d gotten accepted. You sip on your wine, still getting used to the taste of alcohol. You turned eighteen only last month, but Jimin and Taehyung are still minors, and are both sporting matching cups of sparkling apple juice.

“We’ll be back for the holidays,” you tell Jungkook. “I can even drive back on some weekends!”

“Yeah, but when our families hang out, I’ll be the only one there,” Jungkook continues, looking genuinely upset. “Gonna just stay home from now on.”

“What about me?” Jimin asks indignantly. “I’m still here!”

“You have, like, a billion friends,” Jungkook huffs. “And a girlfriend.”

“Good point.” Jimin agrees. You and Taehyung laugh.

“Well, we still have all summer,” you say. “The four of us should find some time to hang out before I move at the end of August.” Jimin nods at that, reaching forward to eat the chips off the plate in front of him.

The four of you look at each other. Your lives really don’t overlap outside the confines of your bedroom and while Jungkook is upset, you know he’s got his own horde of friends back at school. He’s on the football team, and in the multimedia club. Your best friend’s little sister goes to his school and you’ve heard through her that he’s basically the school’s heartthrob. A little hard for you to believe though – Jungkook will always be that small child who Taehyung tackled to the ground for trying to steal his phone back when you were twelve.

You look around your room. You only have around ninety days left in these four walls, in this particular life, before all of you move into the next chapter.

                                                         -2013-

You’re shut up in a bathroom stall at your dorm, tears threatening to spill. Your first year as an engineering undergraduate is almost over, but your mother’s voice over the phone has opened all the flood gates you’d been so carefully keeping close these past few months.

“I can’t do this anymore,” you’re bumbling, and your mother can hardly make sense of you. You know that it’s probably coming as a huge surprise to them. You’ve spent so long pretending you’ve been fine all year that your family hasn’t had a clue how rough things really had been for you. “I want to drop out, mom, my grades are so bad, I’m so close to flunking out.”

Your mother is comforting you over the phone, but you continue to sob, months and months of tears and anxiety finally getting their chance to flow freely. You don’t care if your dormmates hear you – they were never really your friends anyway.

Weeks later, when your parents have picked you up, and have driven you back home, you know you’ll never go back to that place. You lie in your bed staring up at the ceiling, feeling void of any emotion. You’d always done fairly well in school so the significant drop in your grades at university had taken a toll on your mental health. The sun shines outside, the first signs of summer peeking through, but you can’t bring yourself to push open your curtains. You feel like a failure. You are a failure.

At some point during the day, Taehyung comes into your room, knocking quietly. He doesn’t speak, and you haven’t seen him for a whole year. Contact was few and far between and seeing Jimin and Tae do so well in their respective programs had made you put up a front with them too. He probably had no idea that anything was ever wrong.

Even if he had, you tell yourself, there was nothing he would really do. You find you barely know Taehyung, are only obligated to spend time with him because your parents are friends with his folks. But he’s here, in your room now, and you can’t hear Mr. Kim’s booming voice downstairs. You selfishly wonder if he came to see you by himself. Only for you, and not because of his parents.

He quietly lies down next to you, and the two of you lie there, shoulder to shoulder, staring up at the ceiling.

He stays like that until you finally fall asleep.

                                                          -2014-

You scream when you open the mail and Jimin jumps next to you, spilling milk all over the kitchen island.

“I got in!” you scream and Jimin blinks owlishly up at you. “Chim, I got in!”

“Oh my god that’s amazing!” Now Jimin is screaming, grabbing you out of joy and pulling you in. The two of you are jumping up and down in your kitchen and your parents are here wondering what the ruckus is. You’re merely shoving the letter towards them, too overjoyed to speak.

After taking the summer off, and pulling out of your old university, you’d applied to the college in your town – the same one Jimin attends. You figured you were better off in a program that genuinely excites you and come September, you and Jimin would be attending the same school.

“We gotta party,” your dad exclaims, a big grin on his face. You know your parents had partially blamed themselves for everything that had happened last year. For maybe forcing you towards a program you weren’t really interested in, only because the employment opportunities were higher, and you had the grades to get in. You’re pleased to see them so proud and happy for you. You’re in a better place now, have gotten the support you needed to help you get through that rough patch. Last year feels like a fever dream, like it belongs to someone else, someone that’s not you.

Your dad is calling the usual crowd up to celebrate, and you can’t wait to see Jungkook and Junghyun. It’s been months since you saw them last and you know Jungkook is a senior and is swamped with college admissions and his football games.

Taehyung doesn’t come home this year – working at an internship somewhere on the other end of the country that’s been keeping him busy. You don’t hear from him much at all.

                                                        -2015-

You gratefully accept the glass of wine from Jimin and glance over at the giant Christmas tree in his living room. The Parks have decorated it up to the nines, a real step-up from last year.

“Your ugly sweater is so not ugly,” Jimin groans from next to you, and you look down.  It’s a simple grey sweater with a giant ornament on it, the baubles are three-dimensional.

“It was the only one I had,” you sigh, leaning back into his couch. “Where is everyone?”

“Jungkook is spending Christmas at his girlfriend’s,” Jimin tells you and you roll your eyes. “But he says he’ll see us for New Years. Tae’s family just arrived actually – he’s in the kitchen saying hello to everyone.”

“Bet all the moms flocked to him,” you mutter. Taehyung is the group’s golden boy – the success story. He’d secured himself a fancy internship and was pretty much guaranteed a job straight out of university when he graduated in a couple years. Jimin nods sleepily next to you. You cozy up next to him, resting your head on his shoulder.

Taehyung arrives in the living room then, his eyes travelling from the giant Christmas tree to the two of you folded onto the couch. You wonder if you’ve had too much wine already because you’re definitely imagining the strange look that crosses his face when he sees Jimin lean into you. It’s been a while since you’ve seen him in person – Instagram pictures really don’t do him justice. For some reason, Jimin quickly pulls away from your embrace.

He’s grown taller, and his hair is dyed a soft honey blonde falling into his eyes, a piece tucked behind one ear. He’s wearing a sweater that’s literally the same color as the Grinch but he manages to effortlessly pull it off. Taehyung has always been pretty, you tell yourself, but somehow, he’s managed to get even prettier. He’s half-tucked his ugly sweater into black slacks and looks more like a runway model than someone you’ve known since you were twelve.

He fist-bumps Jimin before collapsing into the couch on your other side.

“What’s the plan tonight Park?” he asks, taking a sip of his wine.

“I brought my poker kit,” Jimin says over your head. “Thought we could play.”

“Poker,” you sigh amusedly. “When only yesterday Jungkook was beating our asses at Uno.” Jimin laughs with his whole body and you giggle sleepily next to him.

“And, how are you?” It takes you a while to notice that Taehyung is talking to you. You straighten up, letting go of Jimin

“M’fine,” you murmur. Taehyung hums. There’s a strange sort of silence that befalls you. You and Taehyung never had a chatty relationship, but it was never like this either. Taehyung feels more and more like a stranger these days. You know facts about his childhood that you’re sure no one else does – the time he broke his arm falling off a bike you had dared him to get on, or the time he’d accidentally eaten a cookie with hazelnuts in it despite being allergic to them – but you don’t know this Taehyung. You don’t know the first thing about him. And it makes you sad.

The two of you make small talk – the weather, Taehyung’s internship, your finals – but it just doesn’t feel the same.

                                                          -2016-

It’s really been a whole year since you’ve seen any of these people – except Jimin, you see his ass on campus every damn day. The music is in full swing and your parents are laughing at something Taehyung’s mom is saying.

You’re sitting in a chair next to Jungkook, fresh off his first semester of university. His hair is longer, he’s inked up his right arm and smells like expensive cologne. Despite that, he’s still the lovable goofball you’ve known practically all your life. He lets you tease him about his ink, good-naturedly pulling at your cheek. He towers over you now, has for a few years.

Taehyung sits directly across from you. His hair is back to black, curling and long. He’s wearing thick black-framed glasses today, complaining about leaving his contacts back at university. Jimin isn’t here, having made plans with his dancer friends. It feels like every year, the only constant at these end-of-the-year parties, is you. The only one who makes a conscious effort to attend, who doesn’t treat these family gatherings like back-up plans.

“Jieun said she wants to meet you,” Jungkook is saying. He’s been dating this girl for six months now. “She’s gone home for the holidays, obviously, but maybe in the New Year. When do you go back Tae?”

“The twelfth,” Taehyung answers, mouth full of mashed potato.

“That’s later than usual,” you say in surprise. Taehyung shrugs.

“Didn’t come home for the summer, so figured I’d stay for winter break longer,” he answers, and you nod. You’re still on the “kids” end of the table, despite all of you now being full-grown adults. Some things really never change.

“Y’know we really should hang out,” Jungkook is saying. “I haven’t seen Jimin in two years – isn’t that crazy? Hey, remember when our parents would hang out and drag us with them. At least that meant we saw each other constantly. Now that we have our own lives, I don’t even go when our families hang out.”

You ruffle Jungkook’s hair and he gives you an adoring smile.

“I miss you guys,” he pouts, and something warm floods through you.

“I miss you guys too,” you answer, a little melancholy, a little sad, and Jungkook gives you a dopey grin, completely clueless. But Taehyung doesn’t return your smile, only surveying you quietly through his glasses.

                                                         -2017-

Jimin, Jungkook and Taehyung said they weren’t going to attend this year’s annual New Year’s bash. You can’t say you aren’t crestfallen at the news. It’s clear they all have lives outside their family. Taehyung and Jimin have graduated already. Taehyung doesn’t have enough time off to come home, and Jimin has plans with some guy he’s been seeing lately. Jungkook is going home with Jieun this year to meet her family.

You make plans with your friends from college, and the four of you end up at a bar. It’s fun – you sing karaoke and drink copious amounts of alcohol. You even makeout with strangers.

But somewhere deep down, you know you rather be sitting at the kids end of the table, stuffing your face with food.

                                                          -2018-

Taehyung hasn’t taken his eyes off you since you walked into his house. You’re wearing a dress and some heels because Jimin insisted that the four of you dress up for the occasion, considering you hadn’t been able to get together last year. It’s been a while since the gang was back in town at the same time, and you’d just graduated and secured a decent job right away. Jimin claimed it was a cause to celebrate.

The four of you are at the usual family party this winter, because where else would you be?

Taehyung is very obviously drunk. He isn’t rowdy like Jimin or Jungkook, but you can tell. He sways faintly to the music and his eyes are dark.

At the end of the night Jimin goes home to his boyfriend, and Jungkook to his girlfriend, leaving you and Taehyung to clean up the messes they leave behind. Your parents have long gone home, no longer caring if you stay a little longer, or stay over. Taehyung’s family is practically your family.

You eye him subtly as you’re putting away the board games – his hands are in the pockets of his burgundy trousers. A cream dress shirt is tucked into his pants. As always, he looks good. Taehyung suddenly turns to look at you and you feel your face go warm at his stare.

Before you know it, he’s reaching over to kiss you, large hand cupping your face, head tilting so he can slot himself better against your lips. Your hand grasps at the front of his shirt as you pull him closer and you don’t hesitate to intertwine your free hands.

He wordlessly pulls you towards his bedroom in the basement, careful not to wake his parents. He pushes you down on his bed before climbing on top of you to continue where you’d left off in the living room.

That night, you fall asleep in his arms, naked and satisfied.

                                                          -2019-

Kim Seokjin whispers in a terrible joke in your ear, making you giggle. He’s your date for the night – but the two of you aren’t actually dating. Seokjin was a friend from college, albeit your senior, but you’d asked him to accompany you to this year’s New Year’s party and by some miracle he’d said yes.

You know Jin doesn’t think about you in that way – you’re at most like a baby sister to him – but he plays his part and holds your hand and sits next to you and brings you refills whenever he sees your drink is running low. A part of you thinks he knows what the deal is, if the soft way he looks at you is any indication. You owe Jin a big one.

You didn’t want to be the only one in the group without a date. Jimin has brought Min Yoongi, his boyfriend of two years and Jieun is here with Jungkook.

And then there’s the pretty girl on Taehyung’s arm.

You bite your lip. After spending that one night together last year, you and Taehyung had woken up with smiles on your faces. It had been a happy moment, until you’d had to sneak out of his house without his parents noticing. He’d laughed, kissed you on the lips and you’d left. When you’d seen him next, you’d been with Jimin, Jungkook, and all your families. The two of you had shared secret smiles but hadn’t got a moment to yourselves and before you knew it, Taehyung had had to head back across the country – back to his life without you in it.

You hadn’t even gotten a chance to discuss whatever had happened between you, and you didn’t think it would be appropriate to discuss over the phone. You’d carried on talking to him like normal, assuming that you’d discuss this whenever he came back home next, and he never brought it up either. You hadn’t realized then that Taehyung only ever came home once a year – for Christmas.

Your heart sinks now, watching as he leans in quietly to talk to her over the loud bass of whatever rap beat Yoongi has chosen. You hadn’t told anyone, not even your college friends, about what had happened. You feel used – that whatever the two of you had, was maybe just a drunken one-night stand. But it hadn’t felt like that to you. It had felt… right. Like the conclusion to something that had been building up for many years now. But looking back, maybe it’s just you that thinks that.

Taehyung has never shown any interest in you in that manner, and you’ve known him for years. He’s dated in that time – even had relationships (Jooyoung from high school comes to mind, and you rack your brain trying to think of other serious girlfriends, but you only come up with girls he’s mentioned once or twice and then never again). Jimin already lives with Yoongi and Jungkook and Jieun are discussing moving in together. In your little group, only you and Taehyung have no strings when it comes to relationships.

You’ve dated too – of course – but never seriously. Your longest relationship lasted three months.

“Is he the one?” Seokjin leans over to ask you in a low voice. You turn to look at him nestled comfortably on the couch next to you, long limbs spread out. “The one you like?”

“Like...huh?” you take a large gulp of your wine. “I’ve never thought about him that way.”

“Then pray tell me why your face has longing written all over it?” Seokjin is astute.

“Thanks for coming today,” you say instead. Jin smiles lazily, long lashes casting shadows on his elegant cheekbones.

“I’ll even peck you on the lips at midnight if you want me to,” he says cheekily, and you slap his face away laughing.

“Aren’t you two adorable!” Jimin collapses on the couch next to Jin and offers him a friendly fist bump. Jimin knows Jin isn’t your boyfriend but is smart enough to not say anything.

“Are we?” Jin grins, throwing his arm around your neck to pull you towards him, your cheeks smushing together. “You hear that babe?”

“Oof,” you groan against him and he lets go of you to stand up. Motioning towards the bathroom, he flashes one of his infamous grins before making his way through the living room. Jimin slides over towards you, neatly taking your drink from your hand before taking a sip.

“Where’s Yoongi?”

“His parents called, he’s talking to them out on the deck,” Jimin looks at you. You look at him and raise your eyebrows. “You okay?”

“What makes you think I’m not?”

“I dunno, you always get this look on your face when you’re not,” he hums, sipping your wine again. “How long do you think I’ve known you?” You roll your eyes. You’re eyeing Taehyung again. He came to the party late and hadn’t as much as introduced his lady friend to you. He hadn’t even looked at you. Was this how your friendship with Taehyung was going to end?

“Who’s the girl?” you can’t help but ask, jutting your chin in the direction of the pair. A knowing look crosses Jimin’s features.

“Yoona something,” he says. “They work together, I think. Her flight home got cancelled so Tae brought her back here.” Jimin looks at you again. “They’re not dating – if that’s what you’re wondering.”

“Fucking, then.”

“Well, probably,” Jimin laughs. “It’s Taehyung,” Of course. It’s Taehyung. You huff sarcastically. “Why do you care?”

“I don’t.”

“You do,” You groan. What is with your friends today. “When will you admit it to yourself?”

“Admit what?”

Jimin gives out a short laugh and stands up.

“You’re both so painfully alike, I’m going to get frustrated,” he mutters, half under his breath. You tilt your head curiously at his wording, but he doesn’t elaborate. “One is horrible with making a move and the other too dense to realize what’s staring at them in their face.” You watch Jimin head off, muttering to himself and shake your head.

When Jin returns with another bad joke about the toilet and pinches your cheek adoringly, taking up his spot next to you on the couch, you’re far too busy laughing to notice the way Taehyung’s eyes flash across the room.

                                                    -The Present-

“Tae’s coming home this year, isn’t he?” you mother casually asks. You’re in the middle of putting the cakes in the oven and you pause.

“Is he? I haven’t asked,” you answer, schooling your voice carefully.

“His mother mentioned that he doesn’t seem too happy lately,” you mom continues on from the other end of the kitchen. “They want him to move back here, or somewhere closer to here.”

“Good luck with that,” you snort. There’s three feet of snow that arrived last night and you’re not looking forward to shoveling it all by yourself. You haven’t seen Taehyung properly since the two of you had… fooled around some two years ago. Whatever idea you’d entertained about the two of you after that, it had all just been clearly in your head. Taehyung was barely home long enough for you to hang out as a group and if the rumors amongst the parents were anything to go by, you weren’t surprised he wanted to avoid the gossiping small town feel of this place.

Frankly, you’re dreading seeing Taehyung this year. This year’s party is definitely more exclusive than last year’s. It’ll just be the four of you this year. Like the old days. And Jieun and Yoongi, but you’ve known those two for years now.

“He’s such a good-looking boy,” Oh god, your mother is still talking. “I’m surprised he hasn’t thought about settling down yet. Of course, how can he think about settling down without a stable career first – freelance photography was it?”

“Mom, it’s none of our business,” you mutter.

“Oh, I know,” she says quickly. “But I’d always thought he’d go places, you know? He did so well at one of the country’s best universities, got that amazing job right after. And now what? He quit it after all this time and that Jimin who only did community college is earning twice the amount Tae is!”

“Mom!” you snap. “Let. It. Go.” Your mother stares at you in disbelief, closing her mouth quickly, and thankfully shutting up. “I’m gonna go shovel the driveway,” you mutter, taking your apron off, and shoving it onto its usual hook by the pantry.

You’re just opening up the garage and grabbing the big purple shovel when you see Jungkook floundering through the snow towards your house.

“When did you get home?” You ask, forgetting about your mother for a second.

“Two days ago—look,” Jungkook’s face is serious. “We need to throw Taehyung a totally bitchin’ birthday party.”

“What?! Why?” You begin shoveling while Jungkook stands there. You’ve never thrown Taehyung a party before – usually that goes hand in hand with the annual New Year’s Eve bash and the two are celebrated together, even though Tae’s birthday is the day before.

“Because he’s been weird ever since he came home – he never says anything, but I know, alright?”

“What? He’s back?” You stop shoveling and stare at the younger man.

“He didn’t tell you?” Jungkook asks, after hesitating. You bite your lip. You’ve always been the first to know whenever Taehyung decides to visit. “Is everything okay?” You sigh.

“Yes… I don’t know… probably not,” you groan. Jungkook blinks down at you, utterly clueless. “We…fooled around, alright?”

“When?!” Jungkook’s voice has gone up three octaves. “Oh, holy fuck.”

“Two years ago,” you hiss, motioning him to pipe down. “After that party at his house. We never spoke about it and I just assumed he wanted an easy fuck.”

“You’re an idiot,” Jungkook says and you wonder at his wording. “A blind idiot.”

“What?” you’re so confused. Jimin had mumbled something similar last year. Jungkook shakes his head, bits of snow falling off his beanie.

“Aside from that, I think the dude is just going through an overall rough time,” he says. “And no, it’s not because you two fucked. You in?”

“What—yeah fine,” you give in.

“Cool – then my house on the 30th. Bring your own booze. Wear something cute but comfortable.”

“Who else is coming?” You yell after him, watching Jungkook shuffling back down the street. He turns to look at you questioningly.

“It’s just us,” he says, surprise evident in his voice. “Who else?”

“Right.” You say, sighing inwardly.

That night, you run straight into Taehyung outside Jungkook’s door.

“Uh,” you say, wincing at yourself for sounding so horribly awkward. Taehyung stands in front of you, readying himself to knock on. You’d hoped to avoid him for a little bit longer but here you were, running into him right as you arrive. You grip your bottle of Merlot tightly. “Hey.”

“Hey,” he says back, raising an eyebrow at you. Taehyung is intimidating – has always been. You vaguely remember a time when he didn’t scare you, when you were both young and Taehyung was this small scrawny kid with big eyes and a mop of hair. “How’ve you been?” He towers over you now, all broad shoulders and long legs. 

“Good,” you clear your throat. “You?” A ghost of a smile flits across his features.

“I’m sure you’ve already heard,” he says, almost bitterly.

“That you quit your fancy job? Yeah, I heard.” Maybe it’s your offhanded tone that throws him off but he’s gawking down at you before chuckling to himself. “What?”

“Nothing,” his face breaks into a bigger smile. “Should’ve known that you of all people wouldn’t give a shit if I quit my job or not,” You’re rushing to correct him that that was not how you intended to come off but he’s grinning, raising a hand to stop you. “No, it’s a good thing. I’m sick of people pitying me for something that was so obviously the correct decision.”

“Pity, huh?” you grin back at that. “Do they give you the sad head-tilt too?” You tilt your head mockingly to the side to demonstrate.

“Oh my god yes,” he snorts. “I’ve been getting those all week.”

“Welcome to the world of failures Kim,” you grin, holding out your hand in an honorary handshake. “We hate it here, but at least the expectations are now at a rock bottom. You can only go up from here.” Taehyung is about to reach for your hand when the door opens.

“Can you two quit flirting out here and come in?” Jungkook is indignant, holding a bottle of beer in each hand. Taehyung gives you a look you can’t quite decipher before heading in. You follow in after him, setting your wine down on Jungkook’s kitchen island. His apartment is small – only one bedroom – but it’s so Jungkook that you smile.

You hug Jieun as she comes out of their shared bedroom before moving on to join Jimin in the kitchen. Jieun is hugging Taehyung, wishing him a Happy Birthday. You watch them as you open your wine and reach for a glass from one of Jungkook’s cabinets.

“Not drinking tonight?” you ask Jimin. He’s dyed his hair blonde and it curls slightly. You think you like this look on him.

“I drove here,” he says easily. “What about you?”

“I’ll figure it out,” you grin. Taehyung comes up to dump the cheesecake you hadn’t noticed he’d been holding earlier on the counter. “Want me to put that in the fridge?” You address him.

“Yes please,”

“Not drinking tonight Tae?” Jimin throws your question at the dark-haired boy, as you shove the cake into Jungkook’s fridge. Taehyung’s eyes quickly glance at you before he speaks up

“I drove here,” he mutters and Jimin snorts.

“It’s your birthday party and you’re gonna stay stone cold sober? That’s sad man. Not to mention you brought your own cake,” he says, chin resting on his hand as he leans on the counter. Taehyung shrugs.

“Where’s Yoongi?” you ask and Jimin motions towards the living room where Jungkook and Yoongi are deeply immersed in what looks like Super Smash Bros Brawl. Judging by the way Yoongi is yelling, you assume he’s already tipsy. Taehyung comes up behind the counter to stand next to you to observe their game. You’re only faintly wary of his presence next to you as you sip on your drink. You don’t even realize Jimin has left the two of you to yourselves to go join Yoongi and Jungkook.

“Why’d you quit?” you ask, still staring at the TV. If Taehyung is surprised at your question, he doesn’t show it. “Your job, I mean.”

“It’s not what I went to school for,” he answers, hands in his pockets. “It became less about the art and more about kissing the asses of big corporations so they would fund us. I took the job because it paid well but at what cost?”

“Yeah, I understand,” you say softly. Taehyung looks at you.

“I know you do,” He says after a while, and your heart blooms at the honest faith in his voice. “My parents are disappointed. They don’t say it out loud, but I know they are. They think I’m going through something when the truth is that I know exactly what I want to do.”

“And that is?” you’re looking at him now and things suddenly fall into place. It’s as though the last few years never happened, that there was never a distance between the two of you. It reminds you of a different time – a time when you and Taehyung would tell each other everything even if you didn’t see him every day.

“Photography,” he answers. “My own studio. Maybe even sell my work – I don’t know. Just me, and art.” You smile.

“That sounds nice,” you say. “You know, Jungkook threw this party thinking you’re going through a quarter-life crisis,” Taehyung snorts at that and you can’t help but giggle along. “I wanted to tell him that he was crazy, but I didn’t have the heart to.” Taehyung is looking at you, questions evident on his face. “Call me crazy, I don’t know, but there has never been a day where you’ve been lost in your life. You’ve always known what you want, and you’ve made sure you get it,” You look down at your wine. The words unlike me are at the tip of your tongue but you don’t voice them. You know what—who you want, but you’re a coward.

You weren’t lying. Taehyung had always been ambitious – a go-getter. If he wanted you, he would’ve made it clear. The realization is heart-breaking.

Taehyung doesn’t reply to your statement, and only hums in response.

The night gets rowdier after that – Jungkook and Yoongi are a deadly combination when drunk and you’ve made it through your bottle of wine by yourself so you’re not doing too badly either.

Jimin and Yoongi leave first – Jimin basically dragging the older boy out. You’re scrolling through the train schedule when you notice Taehyung come up to you.

“I’ll drop you off,” he says. “You’re on the way to my parents house anyway.” You can only nod at that before he’s helping you stand up. The two of you bid a goodbye to Jieun (Jungkook has long since been put to bed and she’s collecting the myriad of beer bottles for recycling), and before you know it, you’re comfortably seated in Taehyung’s car.

“I don’t think I’ve ever been to your place,” he says at last, sounding only slightly guilty. You laugh and tell him your address and watch as he plugs it into the car’s GPS system. You had moved out only last year, finally in a place to be able to afford. The two of you drive in silence, with you watching Taehyung.

He’s wearing a dark button down, tucked into equally dark jeans, hair falling over his forehead. Rings adorn his fingers that are gripping the steering wheel, and you swallow as you eye his thighs in those pants.

The wine was a bad idea.

“Something on my face?” he asks lightly, eyes still on the road. You start in your seat. The wine has lowered your inhibitions considerably.

“No, just admiring how pretty you are,” you say and Taehyung chokes on air. “Did you know you’re pretty? You always have been,”

“Is that so?” There’s a wry smile on Taehyung’s face. You prop your elbow up on his window, chin resting in your hand as you look outside.

“Yeah, since the fucking beginning,” you snort. “Even when you were scrawny and twelve, you were this pretty little thing. Next to you I looked like a drowned rat.”

Taehyung scoffs, running one hand through his hair, pushing it back.

“The day you wake up and realize your self-worth,” he mutters. “You’re far too intelligent and beautiful to belittle yourself like this,” You freeze and turn to look at him. “What? I’m telling you a truth. Stop undermining yourself – you’ve done it all your life.”

“Do you want me to pull up photos from that one trip our families took in 2010? Your puberty kicked in and turned you into a teenage model. My puberty kicked in and I looked like Phineas and Ferb’s long lost sibling.”

“Chat shit all you want, but Jungkook and I spent that trip sneaking glances of you in that bathing suit.”

“You two did what?”

“And I told Jungkook to back off,” Taehyung says it so easily. He pulls up in front of your building and turns off the car. The two of you sit there in silence. “Do you know how hard it is for me to control myself around you?”

You’re dimly aware that Taehyung hasn’t had a single sip of alcohol tonight – that he’s completely himself.

“Then why are you controlling yourself?” you whisper. Taehyung gives you another one of his wry smiles, this one rather sad.

“Because you’ve never seen me the way I’ve seen you,” he says, voice just as hushed. “And for a while, I didn’t mind. It was just a little crush – and I only saw you once or twice in a year so how could it mean anything? I had an entire life outside of you that you weren’t even a part of. So how could any of this be real?” He pauses, and you wait for him to continue.

“But then… That Night happened,” and you know what he’s talking about. “And I thought ‘finally’ and once I’d had a taste, I wanted to keep coming back for more.” He looks up at you now, eyes distant. “And because you never brought it up again, I just thought that it didn’t mean anything—”

“Wait,” you interrupt him, heart racing so fast you can hear it thrum through your ears. “I thought you wanted nothing more.”

“Why would you ever think that?” he whispers. “When I never heard from you, I tried to move on—I had to move on, y’know? And this year I told myself that when I saw you, I’d be content with being your friend. I know I’ve been distant these past few years, but I needed that time to pick myself up—it was too hard to see you and know nothing could come of it.”

“Wait wait wait,” you wave your hands in front of your face, eyes tightly shut. “B-but you never mentioned that night again! I-I just assumed it was a one-night thing!” Taehyung blinks.

“A guy would have to be completely blind to only want you for one night,” he says quietly, and your heart soars. He’s reaching over for you and you shyly intertwine your fingers with his.

“You’re going to have to spell it out for me,” you whisper, tracing patterns on the back of his hand with your thumb. “Because I’m stupid and I won’t believe it until I’ve heard it—”

But Taehyung is reaching over to your seat and pressing his lips to yours. You’ve missed this taste and you reciprocate almost instantly. He tastes like the strawberries that were topped on his birthday cake and you lean into the kiss, sighing in pleasure.

Before you know it, he’s undoing your seatbelt and pulling you over to his side. It’s uncomfortable and you almost ram your head against the rear-view mirror, but eventually you find yourself comfortably straddling his lap, back to the steering wheel. Taehyung’s large hands span the width of your back as he holds you in place.

“I think I like you,” he says. You smile down at him, running a hand along his cheekbone, jaw, finally resting it on his shoulder.

“I think I like you too,” you say back. You lean down to capture his lips in yours one more time and this time he doesn’t hesitate in sliding his tongue into your mouth. You grasp at his shirt on his shoulders, while his hands travel down to rest on your thighs where they travel under the flowy dress you’re wearing, moving over your thighs and finally resting on your ass. You whimper into the kiss and Taehyung doesn’t miss the opportunity to explore more of your mouth.

It’s when you let yourself sit down on his lap completely that you feel it – the hardness in his pants. You gasp before straightening up, but he pushes you back down onto his crotch. You pull away from the kiss, lips swollen.

“T-Tae!” you’re gripping his shirt almost painfully right and he smirks up at you.

“See what you do to me?” he whispers. “We’ve barely done anything except swap spit and I’m already so hard it hurts.” Your ears go warm at his dirty words and you hide your face in the crook of his neck. You squirm on top of him and he groans in pleasure. “Any more of you moving that cute little ass on top of me and I’m going to cream my pants right here and right now.”

His lips latch onto your exposed collarbone where the strap of your dress has slid off and he sucks a bruise there. Your hips are swirling on top of him of their own volition and Taehyung has to throw back his head to let out a deep moan of pleasure. You stare at him in wonder – he looks so beautiful like this, dark hair clinging to his forehead, eyes blown out, lips swollen – and at your complete mercy. You kiss up his neck, biting his earlobe, before pressing a chaste kiss to his lips.

“I’m soaked,” you say, blushing. Your hand reaches down to tease your clit and you whimper before bringing your slick fingers up to show him. “See?”

Like a man starved, Taehyung is wordlessly reaching over to take your fingers into his mouth, and you watch in awe as his tongue swirls around them, licking up your juices instantly. His gaze doesn’t leave you for even a second and you’re so mesmerized. When you kiss him again, you taste yourself on him.

“You’re gonna have to stop here,” he puts a hand on your thigh to halt your ministrations. “I’ll seriously cream my pants.”

“I’m okay with that,” you mutter, leaning in to kiss him again, but he pulls back, a sly smile on his face.

“No, I’d much rather cream your pussy,” his grin is so wolfish that you feel a new wave of juices flow through you.

“Lucky for us we’re at my place though isn’t it,” you smile against his mouth. He laughs, a low, comforting sound before opening the door. You climb off him and out onto the sidewalk and straighten your dress. Taehyung gets off after you, hair mussed (thanks to you), and shirt half unbuttoned (also thanks to you). He reaches for your hand, which you take with a smile. This time, there is no hesitation, no hidden meaning.

                             -Sometime in the (not-so) distant future-

“Will you hurry up?” You hiss at Jungkook, but he’s too busy brushing his hair to pay any attention to you. “We’re so gonna be late!”

“You’re trampling on my mojo,” Jungkook tells you, straightening his tie and staring at himself in the mirror. Taehyung is next to you, tapping his foot in impatience.

“Okay, Jeon, that’s enough, you are not going to be late for your own wedding.” He says, face impassive and Jungkook sighs.

“Fine! Fine! I’ll be right out – you two go take your positions. Tae – you got the rings?” Taehyung rolls his eyes and pats his front coat pocket pointedly. Jungkook grins, face guilty and Taehyung is opening his mouth, probably to tell Jungkook off once and for all.

You laugh, knowing this is your cue to interrupt the fight before it actually happens, and pull Taehyung away from his best friend and push him out of Jungkook’s dressing room.

“Let’s go – if he’s late that’s on him but I don’t want us to be late either and you’re in the wedding you need to be up there.” You push Taehyung towards the main church towards the altar.

“God,” Taehyung is grumbling. “Promise me, our day won’t be so anxiety inducing.”

“How can it be when you’re such a micromanager,” you smile. “I expect our day to run like a German train schedule.” Taehyung rolls his eyes and glances at a dainty ring on your left hand. He does that often, as if to reassure himself that this is the reality, that you’re here and present and beside him. It makes you unbearably fond. Because even now, years later, Kim Taehyung still can’t believe he has you.

“Honestly, we could do it at city hall and I wouldn’t mind,” Taehyung hums. “Without all these clowns present.”

“Fine,” you play along. “Wanna go this weekend?” You’re not expecting the raised eyebrow he gives you, or the coy answer that follows – but it does make your heart race in a way only Kim Taehyung has ever been capable of.

[radiorenjun]

I Don't Need It

• Pairing: Na Jaemin x Reader

• Genre: Angst, Comedy, Fluff

• Na Jaemin despised the idea of soulmates, he wanted to fight against fate for choosing his soulmate for him. Even if it means his stubborn childhood best friend wouldn't stop trying to make him accept about the similar tattoos on their wrists.

• Masterlist here!

• Chapters: vii, viii

"What? They can't just break up like that!" you gaped, shaking Renjun's shoulder lightly to exaggerate your point. Renjun rolled his eyes before clicking his tongue, "oh come on, you didn't see that coming? Their relationship was bound to end at some point, y/n."

You were both binge watching the ninth season of The Big Bang Theory at your house, originally planning to study and do chemistry homework  together, but being the procrastinator you were, you ended up getting distracted. Hence, why the two of you are sitting on your bed watching one of the most heartbreaking episodes on The Big Bang Theory while munching on some pizza,

“But they were so cute together! My Shelamy heart can’t take this, Injun!” you shook your best friend aggressively as you continue to whine, ignoring the sighing boy who was contemplating on why he was even friends with you in the first place. “He even got a ring for her, if that isn’t the cutest thing ever then I don’t know what is,” you groaned, collapsing on your bed as the thought of someone giving you a wedding ring made your heart flutter.

“Always the hopeless romantic,” Renjun sighs, running a hand down his face as if to say ‘I’m so done right now’. “Disgusting,” he teased, letting out a soft grunt once he felt you throw a pillow at the back of his head. “Shut up, nerd. You still have to find your soulmate, why not let your magnificent best friend mourn over the fact that she’s gonna be single for the rest of her life and let a girl dream?” you joked, earning a dark glare from Renjun.

Ouch, why did that hurt? It was your own joke after all. 

“Don’t say that you sadist. You need to stop making jokes bout the bad things in life, that’s not very healthy.” Renjun lectured, his hand coming up to pinch your cheek hard. You frowned, pulling his hand away from you as you chuckled nervously. “You know me, Jun. Humor is a coping mechanism for everything. I’m mad at you when you mock me for simping over Timothée Chalamet when he starred on Little Women? I use sarcastic humor as a revenge.” 

“I feel frustrated for failing that test because the damn substitute teacher wouldn’t believe me that I didn’t skip school instead of spending the whole day in the infirmary with a twisted ankle, watching Goblin with the nurse? I use sardonic humor to snap back at said teacher.”

“I get sad for accepting the fact that I am going to be single for the rest of my life? I use dark humor to cope with it instead of curling up in a ball and eat ice cream for the rest of my life and get Type 2 Diabetes.” you shrugged shamelessly as Renjun gaped at you, rubbing his temples to slowly process on your words. “Okay, firstly,” he started.

“One, Timothée Chalamet in that movie was desperately simping over a girl who clearly didn’t deserve him. Come on, tell me you didn’t get annoyed when he keep saying the l word at Jo despite her spilling her feelings out and rejecting him countless of times.” Renjun inhaled, his eyes boring widely into yours, his words speaking nothing but facts. “I get that but-” you started before the older boy cut you off, “I’m not done yet.”

“Secondly, that substitute teacher wasn’t even a teacher. She was an ear raping machine, no one liked her. Also, I gotta admit spending a whole school day watching the Goblin arguing with The Grim Reaper instead of spending excruciating hours writing your wrist off and trying not to snooze in the middle of Mr. Lee’s math lecture would’ve been the most luxurious thing a student could ever ask for”. And I am pissed off you got injured and left me there in class, suffering all by myself.” he laughed, flicking you on the forehead teasingly.

“Lastly, if you want to say something bout Jaemin, you know you could’ve just say so instead of sugar coating it.” Renjun sucked in his lips, smacking you with the pillow you threw at him previously, mentally preparing himself to comfort you knowing that you’re bout to go on another rant of how much you missed Jaemin. But if it helps you feel better and take another small step to moving on, then he’ll listen to you rant til his brain implodes.

You frowned, letting out a soft chuckle. “You know me too well, Jun.” you felt tears lining up your eyes, you leaned your head up, trying to blink the tears away. “It’s not helping when he’s literally next door. Or in the same school as I am, or in the same planet.” you leaned back to lay on your back on the mattress, your pillow hugged tightly to your chest as you let out a heavy, frustrated sigh.

Renjun patted your knee, silently urging you to continue to let out your thoughts. You couldn’t advert your gaze away from your ceiling, “He used to be so sweet before this whole soulmate ordeal,” you began with a sniffle. “Honestly, middle school was one of the best eras of my life. When me and Jaemin were just clowns on crack playing Five Nights At Freddy’s and goofing off, it still makes my heart flutter when I think bout the memorable moments we shared in middle school.” you closed your eyes as a flood of memories clouded your mind.

  7th grade, an iconic year for your friendship. “Y/N!” Jaemin called out from the other side of the classroom, causing you to turn to him in the middle of your little gossip session with your friends. “You wanna play truth or dare with us?” he asked with a sweet smile, a few of your classmates gathering to the back of the class to sit down in a circle. You nodded in excitement, ditching your friends in hopes you get a spicy dare.

You sat in between Lia and Jeno, rubbing your hands together as you waited your turn to either give or receive a truth or dare. “Jaemin! Truth or dare?” a boy whose name you can’t recall asked with a mischievous smile. Jaemin rolled his eyes before answering “dare” with a bold, cocky smirk, eyes practically challenging his classmate to give him an extreme dare. The boy stopped to contemplate before turning to him with a cheeky chesire grin.

“Since you’re so close to Y/n, why don’t you sit on her lap?” the boy snarled, causing your classmates to let out whistles and soft “ooo”s around you. You raised a brow, “wait a second, that’s not fair. This is his dare not mine, why am I the one being sat on.” you whined as Jaemin tried to hide his flustered expression of sitting on his best friend’s lap. “Well, it’s a dare either way, he’s gotta do it whether he wants to or not.” he stuck his tongue out at you as you hissed back.

“Fine.” you mumbled as Jaemin laughed and tried to conceal his flustered expression and sat on your lap idly, his hands in between his legs as you try to restrain yourself from wrapping your arms around his waist and making things even more awkward than it already is. “What’s the big deal? You wanted me to sit on her lap, why are you so shocked?” Jaemin laughed as a few of your classmates just stared at the two of you in disbelief. 

“How are you not uncomfortable with a guy sitting on top of your lap?” your friend asked from across the group circle. You shrugged, raising your brow as Jaemin lets out a laugh, shrugging in response as well. “Is it wrong for a person to sit on their best friend’s lap?” Jaemin asked with a raise of his brow, a teasing smile evident on his face as your friend struggled to find the words to say next.

“I must admit, you are quite heavy. I don’t think my legs are going to last long with your heavy, tall giraffe-like body.” you laughed, causing Jaemin to turn his head back at you with a glare, letting out a small sinister smile. ”That sounds like a ‘you’ problem, y/n. Suffer.” he spoke in a bittersweet tone.

“Wait, so you’re telling me that you had Mr. Na Jaemin sitting on your lap? For how long? All because of a dare?” Renjun paused, rubbing his temples to process this whole information. He knew Jaemin was a shameless and rather affectionately touchy boy, but he didn’t know that he was willing to accept such a gutsy dare. Yet again, this is you, he’s talking bout. The person who kept going for two years despite being rejected and gossiped left and right.

You shrugged, sitting up on the bed. “I was like, 11 years old. What do you want me to do, Huang? Born to be the family disgrace.” you grinned proudly, wiggling your brows as you placed a hand under your chin to pose dramatically. “You shouldn’t be proud of that. Weird flex but okay,” Renjun sighed heavily, raising a bottle of coke to his lips.

You inhaled as you began to spill another memorable moment from your childhood. 

If there was one thing you and Jaemin had in common, it was that you both have absolutely no shame when flaring your dramatics.

It was 5th grade, you assume, when you and Jaemin had your first indirect kiss. It was a disturbingly iconic moment for the two of you, considering years after the incident you two kept doing it as if it were a part of your daily routine. You were at that age where kids around you were starting to take notice bout the soulmate concept. Teachers began explaining how the soulmate system worked during science class, causing you to involuntarily look at Jaemin from time to time to catch his disgusted expressions.

Often, snickering at the boy sitting in front of you who was gagging and mimicking the teacher as she explains. Sticking his tongue out in disgust when they started explaining the left tattoo concept. Jaemin sighed heavily, his hand stretching out to grab the water bottle on his table. His finger raised to push the lid off with a small pop, drinking without hesitation.

Jaemin looked down as he closed the lid and his brows furrowed at the oh-so-familiar name label on the lid of said water bottle. Written on the pink label with a sailor moon picture on the side was Y/N L/N. Jaemin almost threw up when he turned to you slowly, making you look up from your notes to give him a questioning nod at his horrified expression.

The little boy raised the water bottle to show you your little sailor moon label, making you raise your brow questioningly, as if to say, ‘what’s wrong with my sailor moon label?’ 

Crud, he forgot you were using the same water bottles your parents got you when you were both shopping at the thrift store.

Your eyes widened in realization when Jaemin pointed at himself and your bottle, trying not to scream in terror and get a scolding from your strict science teacher. ‘Did you,’ you mouthed, pointing an accusitory finger at the boy sitting in distress in front of you. ‘Drink from my,’ you continued, using your other hand to point dramatically at yourself then to your bottle that was still in his hands. ’My bottle?’ you asked with wide terrified eyes.

Jaemin practically gulped nervously, nodding in response. You both took a moment just staring into each other’s terrified expression, before mouthing ‘what the heck?!’ or ‘oh crud’ repeatedly, as to not gain your teacher’s attention.’You drank from my water bottle, Jaemin?!’ you mouthed, rubbing your hands against your face in distress. ‘How am i suppose to drink now?’ you whined, facepalming now that Jaemin had placed your water bottle back on your desk.

‘How am I suppose to live now knowing your spit is basically in my body? ‘ Jaemin shudders in response, grabbing his throat with disgust laced across his face. ‘Gross, I have your germs in my mouth.’ he stuck his tongue out in disgust, fake gagging as you rolled your eyes.

Renjun just gave you an incredulous look, his mouth gaping open, trying to decide whether to laugh or shake his head profusely. “Gosh, you two were born to be so dramatic. Seriously, while other people are having a mental breakdown over doing algebra, you two were in the back of the class making lovey-dovey faces because you two had your first indirect kiss.” Renjun laughed, clapping his hands as he howled back in laughter.

You sat up and whined, smacking your best friend with the pillow you were hugging earlier, causing him to laugh even more.”Oh god, I wish I came here sooner to witness that.” he wheezed, dodging your hits with his forearms as you continued to smack him on the face, chanting “shut up, Huang!” repeatedly in shame.

“I couldn’t drink from that bottle for months! It was my favorite bottle, too! The fact that Jaemin brings that bottle to school everyday was just traumatizing for the both of us! Instant trauma,” you groaned, leaning back dramatically against the mattress. Renjun laughed, smacking you with a pillow. “How did that even happen?” he asked incredulously.

“Some kid decided it would be funny to switch our bottles.” you pouted, stretching your arms across the bed like a starfish. “Did you two do anything bout it?” Renjun asked, his brows raising in amusement, practically eating your hilarious story up like it was a tub of candy. You sighed, looking away for a moment before mumbling under your breath.

“Jaemin said we should’ve replace the water in his water bottle with tap water from the bathroom, but I didn’t want to risk the guy getting a tummy ache so I spat in his drink instead.“

Renjun howled with laughter, a hand coming to hold his stomach as he leaned his head back laughing. “Why would you- Oh my god, this is gold. I can’t-” he wheezed, tears lining his vision as his tummy started to ache from laughing so hard. “Shut up! I was like, nine years old at the time. At that exact moment I felt no remorse for my actions whatsoever but now that I said it, it makes me feel even worse!” you whine, your feet kicking Renjun off the bed.

He landed on your carpet floor with a loud thud, his laughter subsiding into giggles. “That’s the chaotic energy everyone in this generation wants to have, holy shit, why wasn’t this documented ? This could’ve gone down as one of the most iconic moments in history. Honestly, whoever that kid who switched your bottle was, he’s that hero that doesn’t even need a cape.” he jokes, sitting up to earn a death glare from you.

Oh, if looks could kill, right now.

“Whatever, you sadist. Enjoying your time as you watch me suffer in despair.” you swung your arm over your eyes dramatically, feeling the mattress sink, assuming that Renjun had climbed onto the bed once again. “Come on, tell me another one. I promise I won’t laugh,” Renjun raised his pinkie finger with a soft smile. You raised your brow at him with your lips in a frown, causing Renjun to shrug innocently, “too much.”

You inhaled, your mind delving deep into the loving memories you had with Jaemin throughout your life. Your heart clenched at the next story you were bout to tell, the memory making your heart wanting to reach out for his even more. “Well, there was this one time-”

  Ninth grade. Senior year of middle school. The previous day, you danced under the rain as Jaemin watched you from under the bus stop, hiding for shelter as you jumped around the empty cold streets. The fresh smell of rain hitting your nostrils as water made your clothes clung to your skin. Unfortunately for you, the next day you immediately got sick with a fever.

Receiving countless of text messages saying either ‘I told you so’ or ‘lucky bitch, you get to miss our physics test’ from Jaemin. You were shivering under the layers of blankets and hoodies you were wearing, stirring awake every hour due to how cold or thirsty you felt, tossing and turning every now and then. You turned when you heard your bedroom door opening, wondering who it was considering both your parents were busy at work at this hour.

Your eyes widened to see Jaemin, a coat hanging over his arm as he closed the door, and a plastic bag filled with delicious warm soup that you could smell from a mile away. “I can’t believe you left me to suffer all alone in school, I swear you purposely didn’t listen to me because you didn’t want to do that boring test.” Jaemin whined, a pout evident on his lips.

“Nana!” you exclaimed in a giddish tone, making grabby hands at him. Jaemin chuckled as he walked closer to your bed, sitting on the corner of your bed beside you, leaning his back against the headboard. He lays his coat on the chair behind your study desk, putting the plastic bag of food on your lap when you sat up. “Eat up. The sooner you get better, the sooner I can hug you to death for leaving me today.” He jokes.

You smiled, opening the plastic container inside to smell the scrumptious soup inside. “Chicken noodle soup, your favourite.” he spoke in a soft tone, smiling lightly at you. You grinned, grabbing the plastic spoon that came with it. “What? No soda on the side?” you grinned cheekily, earning a soft pinch to your cheek by your best friend. “Don’t you dare make song references in front of me as if you didn’t listen to me bout dancing under the rain yesterday, look where it got you now.” he tuts, shaking his head in a motherly manner.

“Geez, sorry, mom.” you teased, beginning to consuming your soup. “You’re sweating a lot, that’s a good sign.” Jaemin pushed a strand of hair away from your face and tucked it behind your ear, the sudden action causing you to pause from your eating for a brief moment, before shrugging it off. “I’ll probably feel be back to normal in a day or two.” you shrugged, gulping down a spoon full of soup.

“You’re gonna need to change, take your hoodie off.” Jaemin exclaimed, pulling your almost finished soup away from you. You let out a loud, “huh?” in response, your eyes widening at his sudden statement, trying to see if he was joking but no, Jaemin was dead ass serious.

“Take your hoodie off.” Jaemin ordered. “Jaemin!” you exclaimed, pulling your blankets up to your chin, protecting yourself from him. “You’re not gona get any better with wet stinky clothes on you, Y/N.” Jaemin rolled his eyes, walking over to your closet to grab a really baggy shirt of yours, tossing the big fabric over your face. You sat up and pulled the shirt off of your face to see Jaemin strip the white hoodie he was wearing over his body.

Your eyes caught the black shirt he was wearing underneathe had tugged up along with his hoodie, exposing his toned stomach to prove the results of how much time he spent working out at the gym with Jeno recently. 

You squeaked at the action, looking away with a small blush tinting your cheeks. “Jaemin, what are you-” you flushed, taking the risk of looking at Jaemin again with a flustered expression to see your best friend standing in front of you with his white hoodie clutched in his hands. “Change your clothes, you’re gonna get even more sick if you lay there with wet clothes. You ran out of hoodies, use mine, instead.” he spoke sternly.

“Jaemin, I don’t think that that’s really necessary-” you let out a small squeak when Jaemin’s face came close to yours, his hand laying on your forehead and the other laying on his own. “You’re fever’s getting even worse. Change clothes and finish your soup while I get a warm towel ready, Y/n” He spoke, turning to leave your room, shutting the door behind him, unaware of how red your face must’ve been at the sudden contact.

You felt your heart beat increase at the actions that had happen before you, Jaemin’s hoodie resting on your lap, his strong cologne filling your senses, causing you to flush red even more as you tugged your wet sweaty clothes off and changed into the shirt and hoodie Jaemin picked out for you. You bit your lip when you could practically feel his scent engulf your whole being, your face becoming more red.

Did he always smell this nice?

The fresh smell of cinnamon and comfort was the only thing you could say to describe the indescribable scent of your best friend. You felt your heart flutter at the thought of constantly wearing his hoodie, but your thoughts were quickly interrupted when Jaemin came into your room with a bucket filled with warm water and a towel in hand.

“Lay down, y/n” he ordered, sitting on the bed beside you as you sunk down on the bed, pulling your bed sheets up to your nose so he wouldn’t see how red your face is. Jaemin didn’t think much of it when he dipped the water in the warm water, squeezing the water out to leave the towel warm and soaked, laying the warm towel on your forehead.

“You really didn’t have to do this, you know.” you bit your lip, sighing at the contact of his fingertips grazing against your skin as he layed the towel gently on your forehead. “I know, but you’ll probably die here if I don’t,” he chuckles. dipping the towel again once it got cold, squeezing the water out before placing it back on your forehead. “Does that mean you care bout me, Na Jaemin?” you smirked. “That’s quite embarrassing.” you teased.

Jaemin rolled his eyes softly at you, pinching your cheeks before cooping your nose. “There’s nothing embarrassing for a guy to care for his girl.” he commented simply. It felt like an arrow of pure adoration had struck through your heart. Well, that comment backfired. Wait, what does he mean by ‘his girl’?

“I’m your girl?” you spoke after a moment of hesitation, feeling your heart race against your ribcage once again. Jaemin chuckled, flicking your forehead teasingly, “not like that, you cheeseball.” he grinned, booping your nose once again before removing the towel from your forehead.

“Get some sleep, I’ll be right here when you need me. That is, unless your parents kick me out for staying too long.” he giggles, carressing your hair with his calloused fingers. “They’ll never kick you out, you live literally next door, Nana.” you giggled, nuzzling against his touch. Jaemin chuckled, putting the towel into the bucket before leaning in to give you a sweet kiss on your forehead.

Your eyes widened at the sudden act of affection, causing Jaemin to grin shyly. “You just look adorable, right now.” he mumbles under his breath before standing up and walking towards the door. “Go to sleep! I’ll be watching TV if you need me!” Jaemin exclaimed before closing the door with a soft click.

I don’t know bout you, but you knew you couldn’t sleep after his sudden display of affection.

You didn’t even realize tears were slowly streaming down your face until you let out a soft sob, Renjun’s figure coming close to comfort you. You felt Renjun’s arm wrap around your back, his hand coming up to your head to lean it against his shoulder. You sniffled, trying to swallow the sob that’s waiting to erupt from your mouth.

It was like day one all over again, with you crying your eyes out and Renjun comforting you by your side with food and movies. You shut your eyes tight once you felt that familiar burning sensation on your wrist, your heart aching and stinging against your chest. Renjun noticed your pained expression, his hand quickly yet gently coming up to see your left wrist, his eyes widening at the sight. “I’ll get you an ice pack, okay?” Renjun asked worriedly, carressing your soulmate mark as if it would soothe the burning sensation.

You nodded, crying even more as Renjun quickly bolted out your room, his footsteps echoing down the halls. You sniffled, trying to wipe the tears away with your palms, but like an endless waterfall, it never stopped. Nor did the pain in your heart.

Renjun came back with a sympathetic expression plastered on his face, coming up to you and gently placing the frozen packet of peas he found in your freezer on your glowing red tattoo. Renjun softly shushing you and caressing the back of your hair, his own heart aching to see his best friend like this. He couldn’t count the many times you had cried to him bout Jaemin since the dinner with your parents.

The countless amount of times he would press a cold surface onto your left burning wrist.

The countless times you would rant how your heart was begging for Jaemin’s stupid presence.

The countless times he wanted to punch Jaemin for not showing a single ounce of guilt and for how oblivious the younger boy is to how much he had been inflicting your pain.

You fell asleep in Renjun’s hold, the pain on your wrist subsiding into a dull ache, your heart beat in your ears.

Jaemin practically dragged his bag on the floor as he entered the room. His mood decreasing as the seconds go by, his eyes dark with exhaustion and pain. Lately, he hasn’t been focusing properly on the tasks in front of him, his mind was always somewhere else when Coach was discussing strategies for next week’s game.

He was always spacing out to the sound of his own heart beating in his ears, his eyes setting on a certain object in the corner of the room he was in, his body freezing in place as his whole head was in a haze. He’s gotten a countless amount of scolding for spacing out in the middle of practice, the endless amount of times Coach would get a student to hold a volley ball from the storage closet, ready to hit him with whenever he spaces out during practice matches.

Today, he was on his breaking point, he recently failed his History test, then got another scolding from Coach. Hell, he was called to the office in the middle of class, the Coach’s heavy frown never bringing ease to his now tense figure. 

Jaemin collapsed on his bed with a soft thud, trying to keep his breath under control as his Coach’s words echoed in his head, his head buried into the soft fabric of his pillow. He tried to keep his mind from overthinking Coach Kim’s words adding into his stress.

“Na Jaemin, recently, I’ve become aware of how much you’ve been a little... distracted, lately. I’m sorry to say but as Captain of the whole team, you need to be on full focus for the game. If you can’t do that then I’m afraid someone else will.”

Jaemin gripped his pillow tightly, his breathing deepen as he tries to calm himself, his heart beat increasing. He squeezed his eyes tight, the look of disappointment in his team’s expression was all he could think bout for the rest of the day. His heart feeling heavy in his chest.

“I know, I know, this seems too far but, we can’t afford to lose the school winning streak all because of our captain spacing out because of who knows what! I know I sound delirious for saying this, but we can’t risk this.” 

Jaemin remembered the heavy feeling of promising his Coach that he will get his problems sorted out right away so it wouldn’t interfere in the way of winning the game. He wouldn’t know what to do with himself if the endless hard work he puts into playing football the past two years went to waste when the position he trained so hard to earn was taken away just like that.

Jaemin sniffled, sitting up as he tries to shake those thoughts away. His eyes blurring slightly at his Coach’s words repeating themselves inside of his head. He stood up, stretching his arms out to release the tension in his muscles, as he tries to delve into a more positive state of mind. His eyes closing in concentration.

‘Don’t think so negatively, Jaemin. You can do this, just stay focused at the task at hand and worry bout this weird pain after the game.’

Jaemin unconsciously walked towards his window, an exhausted groan eliciting from his mouth. ‘You’ve got this !’ he thought with determination, calming his thoughts as a content smile stretched across his face. Jaemin opened his eyes slowly, his bunny smile immediately dissipated into a deep frown, his eyes widen slightly at the sight from the window across his.

You were with Renjun on your bed, doing what looks like cuddling in each other’s warm embrace. You were sitting in between Renjun’s legs, your back facing Jaemin, making him unable to see your expression. Your head was leaning against Renjun’s shoulder, his hand coming up to caress the back of your head. Jaemin’s eyes never left your figure being in such an intimate position with Renjun.

Jaemin felt his own blood boiling, his previously sour mood returning in an instant, his heart beating in his ears as his eyes stared daggers into Renjun’s head. He watched as Renjun’s eyes gaze contently to your figure laying comfortably on his, his fists clenching even more at the sight. That is, until Jaemin snapped out of it with a shake of his head. 

What was wrong with him?

Why was he feeling so angry bout seeing you cuddling with someone like that?

Yet again, when was the last time you cuddled him like that. Jaemin pulled his curtains to cover the sight across him, walking to the bed, running a hand through his hair. before leaning back to lay down on his mattress with his back facing his white sheets.

Jaemin sighed as he got lost in his own thoughts once again. When was the last time he cuddled you? Or held your hand? His head turned to the side, eyes scanning the picture frames he hung up on the walls of his room, stopping at the picture you took on your trip to Busan during winter back in 7th grade.

In the picture, you had Jaemin wrapping his arms around your shoulders in a gentle embrace. Your smile wide and your expression filled with laughter as Jaemin's happy one focused on the camera. Your eyes weren't on the camera, though, they were on him.

Cheeks and noses warm and red from the cold snow, clothes stained with the snow you played with to make snow angels and snowmen, your smile so wide, Jaemin could almost hear your bright laughter from the picture itself. As if he was reliving in that exact moment.

When did you stop smiling like that?

Jaemin realised he never noticed how forced your smiles became, how you use humor to mask every single emotion, how no matter how tired you are, you always manage to joke bout the littlest things to make him crack a smile.

"Why are you sad?" Jaemin asked as he drove you home one day, you glanced up at him with exhaustion glossing over your pupils, showing how pained you were for a split second, before you crack into a loving eye smile.

"I'm not sad, silly. I'm just tired of Mrs. Lee getting up in my ass yelling at my ear as if she was begging for my head to explode and have blood erupting out of my neck like a distorted volcano pms-ing." you joked, causing Jaemin to let out a soft laugh.

"You have the weirdest thoughts, I swear." he shook his head, his eyes glancing at you for a split second before returning to the road. "You're not normal yourself, Nana. We're all clowns in this generation, don't act like its a weird thing." you laughed, smacking his shoulder lightly.

Jaemin raised his brow at you, "me? A clown? You're practically born in a circus." he chuckled. "Says the person who says 'wow' every five seconds for the simplest of things. Post Malone basically wrote that song off of you, you should sue." you giggled, causing him to giggle.

"I am praying to God so that he could add at least add more braincells into that silly head of yours." Jaemin laughed. "God made me to be a clown, I must live on with my purpose, Nana." you added with a wink. "And a simp, too." you giggled.

Jaemin rolled his eyes at the memory, smiling at your terrible attempt at flirting. But his smile turned into a concerned expression once he remembers how pained your eyes looked at the time. As if you were holding pent up frustration, pain and emotion behind the humor.

Since when did you try to hide everything with humor? And when did he start to be one of those people who believed that you were okay behind that bright exterior? He was your soulmate for-

Wait, a second. Your soulmate? Why was he addressing himself like this? So what if he's your soulmate? It doesn't give him the right to barge into your personal problems. You didn't want to do anything with him after that dinner party, so why would he bother to think bout you when you were probably moving on with Renjun?

Jaemin licked his lips bitterly, his brows furrowed in frustration. A hand coming up to rub his face in distress, what was wrong with him these days?

Jaemin's thoughts went to how your body slumped weakly in Renjun's embrace, his eyes glancing down at your figure in a protective manner, his hand caressing your soft hair to soothe and comfort you. Jaemin knew how this would lull you to sleep in an instant, send you in a cuddly haze in people's arms.

Why did he know this?

Because he was the first one to experience it first hand, why should Renjun experience such an endearing moment? Why should Renjun see how vulnerable you are when it comes to-

Jaemin winced as the familiar pain in his chest resurfaced, his wrist aching again. He closed his eyes, 'not this again,' he thought to himself. Jaemin leaned over his drawer, his heart aching heavily against his chest as he opened the drawer to pull out a couple of pain killers

Tags: @lixseu @morks-watermelon @cherrystay @candiednickles @12am-musings @lowkeyviv @btm-taeyong @d-nghyck @gothmingguk @luvlyjaemin @cowward @smileyyuta

Couldn't tag: @/uncovermenow666 @/cakelyn

[taleofharrison]

I’ll Never Give You Away | Ashton Irwin

Summary: No summary because I feel that the warnings give too much away and I don’t want to spoil it more but you need to know it is based on the movie Jersey Girl.

Warnings: Death, crying and agnst at the end. Italics are flashbacks and memories 

Prompt: When I take a look at my life and all of my crimes you’re the only thing that I think I got right. - Lover of mine by 5sos

Word Count: 2035

A/N: This is my entry to the writing challenge by @writingfortoomanyfandoms​ I really hope you like it and it’s my first 5sos fic so I’m a little nervous, feedback is appreciated and I’m not a native English speaker I practice my writing skills by writing fanfcition so any comments and tips on that note are welcome too. Enjoy!

As Y/N made her final touches to her make-up she let her brain wander through the memory lane.

“Ash where are you taking me?” Y/N giggled as she let her boyfriend guide her through an empty beach in Australia.

“Princess we’re back home how many times do we get to run on the beaches we grew up?” he answered taking a quick look over his shoulder to look at girl who looked flustered. Even though they’ve been dating for almost 3 years the nickname princess still gave her butterflies and Ashton knew. He loved it.

“I know but can’t you please let go of my arm” she said with a smile. She knew Ashton didn’t hurt her in purpose he was just nervous about what was about to happen “t’s starting to hurt”

“Sorry I just-“ He had gotten to the place he had planned to be with her “D’you remember when we were younger?”

“Yes, we ran away every time we could to this beach” Y/N smiled at the memory “we used to play with the ocean and you asked me here if I wanted to move to California with you”

“I still can’t believe you said yes” he chuckled looking down at his feet “I mean we weren’t anything yet”

“We were best friends that was more than enough to me” the girl smiled again. Ashton loved that smile he can’t even remember when he fell in love with her.

“This beach saw us grow and was a witness of important moments of our history” Y/N giggled at Ashton’s sudden change to deep thinker. She liked it though “That’s why I brought you here, so it can witness another big milestone in our lives”

“When I take a look at my life and all of my crimes you’re the only thing that I think I got right” When Ashton got down on one knee Y/N couldn’t believe it “So Y/N Y/L would you say yes to another of my crazy ideas?” he had a blue velvet box in his hands with the most beautiful ring Y/N had ever seen.

“Yes! Yes! A thousand times yes!” with tears in her eyes Y/N throw herself at Ashton’s arms. In that moment they were the happiest people on Earth.

“What are you thinking?” Ashton voice brought her back to reality.

“Just remembering” she said “when you proposed”

“Another time I couldn’t believe you actually agreed with me to do something” he smirked placing a kiss on the top of her head “You ready to go?”

“Yes, just let me get my purse” Y/N sighed a tone of sadness in her voice. Nobody would’ve notice but Ashton knew her better than he knew himself.

“Now what’s the matter?” he asked again getting a questioning look from you “don’t give me that look what’s up?”

Y/N sighed again before speaking “It’s your first Gammy nomination and I’m going with you seven months pregnant. This isn’t exactly how I visualized this moment for us”

“I think you look stunning” Ashton smiled giving her a small peck on the lips “Besides you know you are my lucky charm. Both of you are”

Y/N smiled he always said the right words to help her feel better “Alright Mr. Grammy Award Winner let’s go. We don’t wanna be late”

“I haven’t won anything yet” he laughed.

“Didn’t you say we are your lucky charm?” Y/N smirked with a hint of fun could be found on her words.

“We are 5 seconds of summer thank you for coming tonight” Luke spoke right after the last song. It was the first concert with an actual audience and Ashton.

“I can’t believe they told me that about two hundred people would be seeing us tonight” he complained once he could get back to his best friends all the 12 people there had gone home “They were like 12”

“Well Ash I was the thirteenth person here in the audience” Y/N laughed at his tone of voice and face.

“Nice now you’re making fun of me” he rolled his eyes punching her shoulder playfully.

“Ash it doesn’t matter if I’m the thirteenth person on the venue or the ten thousand one there. I’ll support you every single time” Y/N assured him holding his hand giving it a squeeze “This was only your first gig and I know you’ll go far”

He slightly smiled at your words “You’re right. I’m just taking this too seriously”

“Now you have to properly introduce me to my replacement” Y/N said dragging Ashton with his bandmates.

“Replacements?” he said a hint sound of fun in his voice.

“Well yeah, aren’t they your new best friends now”

A quiet afternoon had been interrupted by three guys bursting in with gifts in hands for Lea, Ashton and Y/N’s baby girl who was just a month away from making her debut into the world.

“One night” Ashton groaned as he closed the door behind them “one night with my wife is all I’m asking you guys”

The Australian boys ignored his complains as they pushed past him making their way to the living room where Y/N and Ashton had been binge watching Friends.

“We were thinking that maybe baby Lea would need some of these” Calum said showing the couple a big shopping bag.

“Guys the baby shower was months ago” Y/N said. She was tired being 8 months pregnant wasn’t easy. It was taking a big toll on her emotionally and physically “this baby has everything she needs by now”

“You never have too many stuffed animals Y/N” this time it was Luke with a big pout on his face “one of these could be the toy that will be her friend for the rest of her childhood”

Y/N laughed of course they came here just to make her laugh. They hadn’t seen her in a while since she barely left the house so close to the due date and with a babysitter in the house. Whether it be Sierra or Crystal Ashton didn’t want Y/N to be alone or outside the house while he was at the studio.

“And maybe we can help get the nursery ready” Michael pointed.

“The nursery’s been ready for weeks arseholes” Ashton told them

“Well we just missed Y/N we wanted to visit her” Calum shrugged

“That’s so sweet!” Y/N exclaimed “But right now isn’t a good time, rain check?”

The boys nodded being escorted by Ashton to the door.

“I know baby” she softly said to the belly “your uncles are crazy, but they are so excited to meet you. We all are”

The day came. Ashton was with you he had taken a few days off the studio, so he could be with Y/N all the way to the hospital to deliver the baby.

“Ok so the suitcase is in the car. I called the boys they know Lea is coming and we’re ready to go” Ashton was trying really hard to keep his cool a thing Y/N found endearing since she knew that his mind must go to a 1000 miles per hour right now.

He drove as fast as he could to the hospital but of course he was second guessing since his pregnant wife came in the car with him going into labor. At the hospital he was quick to fill the paperwork while some nurses took Y/N in a wheelchair.

Once Ashton could go into the hospital room he never left Y/N’s side. He held her hand and talk about all the things he was planning to do with Lea.

“I’m going to teach her how to play drums” he said excitedly with a gleam in his eyes. A gleam Y/N only had seen the day the got married “I’m so excited this is happening”

About two hours later nurse came in to tell the couple that Y/N was ready to go into the delivery room. This is it. They were going to meet their littler girl.

“Now Y/N one more push okay just one more” the doctor asked. Y/N squeezed Ashton hand one last time. The rest is a blur.

They took the baby away from them to clean her up. Ashton heard her crying and he smiled then he saw how Y/N fell asleep in front of him, he whispered her name before the nurses pushed him away kicking him out of the delivery room that’s when he started screaming his wife’s name.

Ashton waited outside the room sitting on the floor head between his knees waiting for a nurse or a doctor to come out and tell him that everything was okay both mother and daughter were ready to see him again and maybe go home tomorrow morning even earlier if possible.

“Mr. Irwin” the voice came from a doctor. Ashton was quick to pick him up the floor “I’m sorry but we did what we could. Y/N…she’s gone”

Ashton world couldn’t believe what supposed to be one of the happiest days of his life became the most bittersweet day. The doctor kept speaking but he just didn’t listen was he was saying the room around became black while tears came down his eyes.

“…on the other hand, you have a beautiful healthy baby girl waiting to meet you right there” the doctor said in the most neutral tone possible pointing at what was Y/N’s hospital room “One more time I’m so sorry for your lost”

Ashton was again crying on the floor. He wanted more than anything to meet Lea, but he wasn’t ready he just couldn’t see her in that moment and as if on cue three loud Australian boys came in looking for the Irwin family balloons and even more toys in hands.

“Where’s our niece?” Michael asked with a pink bunny balloon in hand. His smiled faded away the moment he saw his friend.

“And my goddaughter?” Luke’s tone changed from happy to dull in less than a second “What? Where?”

“Y/N…she couldn’t-“ Ashton was struggling for the words to came out but his voice kept breaking “the doctor said…Lea’s there and I just can’t pick myself up to see her”

“Hey hey hey Ash it’s okay it’s hard” Calum kneeled to be on eye level with Ash “We know you want to grieve and we have no idea how you must be feeling but right now you’re all that little girl has and we are here” Calum turned to see Luke and Michael tears in their eyes “We will always be here and we will help you with everything you need”

He picked Ashton from the shoulders so he could stand up at the same time “Now go in there and hold Lea we will wait here”

Ashton took a deep breath and pushed the door open and there she was, a beautiful girl sleeping in a pink blanket he just stared down at her “she looks like you” he whispered up to the sky “I’ll do my best with her I promise” he whispered again to the sky.

Lea started to cry. Ashton was quick to pick her up “It’s okay” he whispered against his head “I know you miss mommy I miss her too and when you grow I’ll tell you everything about her but right now it’s just and me against the world”

She kept crying but not as loudly “Do you want me to sing you a song?” he asked even though she couldn’t answer “Your mommy’s favorite was Lover of Mine maybe that’ll work”

He softly hummed the lyrics “I'll never give you away 'cause I've already made that mistake if my name never fell off your lips again I know it'd be such a shame when I take a look at my life

and all of my crimes you're the only thing that I think I got I right I'll never give you away…I’ll never give you away” and his little girl was asleep again.

He understood in that moment that he needed to be strong for her and to support her as best as he could the rest of her life. He opened the door and peaked his head.

“Hey do you want to meet you niece?”

Gif not mine 

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #390

“i am the enemy, here to save the day!”

When was the last time you woke up in the middle of the night? I do this LITERALLY every night. Do you write? (Songs, poems ect..) RP posts and rarely poetry. What is the easiest type of YouTube video to binge watch? Probably a good let's play of a game I'm really into. Do you color Easter eggs still? I haven't in years. I would if it was offered up, though. Do you prefer to decorate with pastel colors or bright colors for Easter? Pastelllll. Do you own a cross necklace? I did in the past, but I don't now. What color is your favorite pair of shorts? I don’t wear shorts. Do you prefer bright colors, dark colors, or pastel colors? Pastels. What’s something that makes you tired? Socializing. Like it's physically draining to me. Do you like drawing or painting better? Drawing. Do you own any foreign coins? No. Do you prefer soft tacos or hard? I hate tacos. Any recent purchases? My niece's birthday is coming up, so I bought her a Disney version of a board game from my childhood called "Pretty Pretty Princess." She's going to love it. :') Do you ever make mixed CD’s for anyone? I never did, no. Are you into gory movies? Yeah. Have you ever been locked in a room forcefully without anyone knowing? omg no Do you have the same color eyes as your mother? No. Do you know anyone who has overdosed? Me. Though I obviously didn't die. Have you ever been put to sleep for surgery? Twice. What is your favorite online smiley face to you? I think I use (: the most. What is something that freaks you out no matter what? Seeing babies move in their mother's stomach makes me want to shriek and vomit. Do you have any fetishes? No. Do you take a lot of photos? Sigh, not as much as I used to... I just don't know what to photograph anymore. Never leaving home doesn't help. Do you have big ears? No; I actually have very small ears, as has been pointed out to me. Do you have a laptop, desktop or both? A laptop. Have you ever met an online friend in real life? Yes! :') There are more I wanna meet. What would you say is your favorite color, out of them all? Baby pink. Have you ever attempted suicide? Yes. What are you most known for? In my real life, my art "skills." Online, probably my obsession with meerkats. Do you have a problem with body hair? Nope. The stigma of it needs to fucking stop. If you bathe yourself and keep your hair groomed, who the actual fuck cares what YOU do with YOUR body. Have you ever been so depressed, you were put on medication? I've been medicated for depression since the 7th grade. What is one thing you think is gross about the human body? Fluids like pus gross me out. Have you ever witnessed someone being murdered? Jesus, no. o_o At what age do you plan to get married? I'd like to as a young adult, but it's not that big a deal for me because I don't want kids (I wouldn't want kids 'til marriage if I did). Do you have any candles in your room? No, but a wax warmer. Ever make a friendship bracelet for someone? Yeah, as a kid. What have you been made fun of for the most? People love to pick on me always being on the computer, when I REALLY wish they fucking wouldn't. I'm aware it's an issue that I've had before I was even a teenager and it makes me SUPER self-conscious. When you’re visiting a site, do you still type ‘www.’? No; I kinda forgot that was a thing, lol. Can you still read the time if an analogue clock doesn’t have numbers on it? Yeah. To whom will/did you first talk about the first time you’ve had sex? My mom, I think. What is something you didn’t like about being thirteen? Acne lmaooo. What can you hear right now? "Girls" by Marina. It's really been jammed in my head lately. Do you think it’s okay for kids to have cellphones? Depends on the age and the phone, imo. I personally am for the idea of (slightly older) children having some sort of cell phone with limited applications, just because emergencies happen, and if I was a mom, I'd want my child to ALWAYS be able to reach me like if they were at a friend's or something. I'll tell you right now kids don't need extravagant iPhones, though. Again: limited applications, also to prevent addiction. Do you have any siblings? If so which one of them do you get along with the best? I have one brother and technically five sisters, but I know nothing of one of them. I don't really know who I get along with best...? I'm sadly not exceptionally close to any. What’s your favorite TV show? And who’s your favorite character from it? My favorite show of all time is Meerkat Manor, wherein my favorite character was Mozart. What kind of signs do you use when you pose for pictures? I usually don't make any, but I'll sometimes do a peace sign. What math subject is your favorite? Um, none? How about science? Genetics. Do you have a favorite Youtuber? If so, who? And what is your favorite video by them? Markiplier, obviously. :') Favorite video... I think it's gotta be the first video of the Dark route in "A Date With Markiplier." It's, uh, special to me lmfao. What’s your favourite Mexican dish? I just like quesadillas. Have you ever ordered a specially made cake from a cake shop? Yeah. Well I mean, Mom has. What’s the name of your first real boyfriend or girlfriend? Jason. Have you ever dated a model? No. What is your ultimate goal in life? To be happy and satisfied with what I've done. Have you ever visited someone in prison? No. What months were you and your siblings born in? I was born in February, my younger sister in April, and my older sister is a June baby. Do you write down your passwords in a physical place to prevent losing them? No. x_x Do you have any injuries at the moment? No. Are you tall, short or average? Would you change this? Average. Nah. Have you ever taken an acting class? No, not my thing. Have you ever worked in a store while someone shoplifted there? Yikes, no. Is there anything you absolutely refuse to eat? Venison. Basically anything hunted primarily for sport. If you killed something that did not need to be killed to provide for yourself, I'm not touching it. Have you ever lived in university/college campus housing? No. Who was the last person you complimented? I think my mom? She's doing great with her diet, and I can tell she's lost weight. Do you like spring rolls? Yeah, they're decent. What do you live on in terms of a street, road, crescent, place, court etc? Court. What’s your favourite type of curry? I don't know if I've ever tried any. Have you ever had casual sex? No. Not my jam. If your phone rang right now from a number you don’t know, would you answer? Nope. What was your first pet’s name and how did you pick that? My first personal pet was either my guinea pig Squeak or Chinese water dragon Shadow. I could NOT tell you why I named a green lizard "Shadow," but I called Squeak "Squeak" because he, well, squeaked, lol. How tall are your highest heels? Not high at all. What’s your favourite flavour of frosting? Chocolate. Last thing you looked up on Wikipedia? It was a band that needed a Wikipedia link to go on the Silent Hill wiki. Someone pointed out in trivia that Tears of Mankind covered a SH piece. Should guys keep their shirts on at shows? Unless there's a good reason, like you're seriously overheating, I think so. What about girls? The same as guys. I do think women should keep their bras on though mostly for their own protection because people are pigs. Do you have multiple playlists on YouTube? Yes. What is a goal that you have trouble accomplishing? Losing weight, apparently... What color is your Easter basket? I don't have one anymore. My childhood one was a light tan basket with a baby pink frill around it. What do you need to get from the store right now? Mom just got groceries the other day. What is something that you used to feel ashamed of, but now you don’t? I can't think of anything. EVERYTHING embarrasses me, so. What is your favorite part of growing older? Uhhhhhh. Are you hypersensitive? If so, in what ways are you hypersensitive? Yes, to textures in food. What’s a drug that’s made you gain weight? Paxil was the first, but I worked it all off and got in the best shape of my life. Then Abilify absolutely destroyed my body as far as my weight is concerned because my doctor was an absolute, utter fucking idiot that I will never forgive. Is there a piece of jewelry you have your eye on right now? No. Do you believe that people can be asexual? Bro the fuck, of course I do. What color is your Bible, if you have one? I don't have one. When are you at your happiest? When I first wake up and get on the computer. New day, same shit, but don't tell me that. :^) Do you prefer to spend your time indoors or outdoors? I mean, it really depends on my mood as well as the weather, but generally, indoors. Can you honestly say that you love yourself? Nope. Where did you go, the last time you left your house? My sister's house to celebrate her husband's birthday. Do you like your singing voice? Meh, it depends on the song I'm singing, but usually, no. Have you ever done a psychedelic drug? If not, would you ever consider it? No to both.

[purplesurveys]

1252

A - Appearance.

What are you wearing? I have a gray turtleneck and brown shorts at the moment.

What are on your feet right now? I never wear anything for my feet when I’m at home.

What color are your fingernails? I say this a lot on surveys but mine are never painted. Nothing against them, I’ve just never felt the need to spend on something like my nails.

What does your hair look like right now? I have apple hair at the moment to temporarily get rid of my bangs, which I am more than sick of at this point.

B - Best Friend

Who is your best friend? Angela and Andi.

What was the last thing you two did together? The last time I saw Angela we went to the BTS pop-up store. I haven’t seen Andi since January, but when we hung out that evening we just had Korean barbecue and we also parked somewhere in UP to just talk about life in my car. My breakup had been fresh at the time and back then I just needed someone to whom I could vent.

What is (s)he doing right now? I’m sure Andi’s doing something with Leigh, maybe having a video call or something since I think they tend to have one every evening. I’m not sure what Angela’s up to but considering her replies have been a bit slow tonight, I guess she’s somewhat busy at home.

Are you talking to her/him online right now? Angela just replied to something I sent her around 15 minutes ago but the exchange wasn’t meant to be a full-blown conversation, if that’s what you mean.

C - Crush.

Who is (s)he? Eh, I don’t have a crush these days; too obsessed with work to figure out what I find attractive lmaooooo. I do have a main celebrity crush and I might just cite them instead so that I can at least fill this section out. 

What does (s)he look like? Curly hair; mismatched eyes; moles underneath his right eye, on his nose, and on his lower lip, and the widest smile I’ve seen on any person.

What was the last thing you two talked about? He’s a celebrity crush...

Does (s)he make you smile? Yes.

D - Dad

What’s your dad’s name? Edgardo.

What does he do for a living? He’s an executive chef for a luxury liner company. He hasn’t worked in a year and a half due to the pandemic and has stayed in the country this whole time, but we’ve *very* recently been informed that he can go back abroad in around two weeks! Of course it will suck letting go of him again after having him back for such a long time, but I’m just glad the family can finally be on track again, financially speaking. It had been something I’ve been worrying silently about.

What was the last thing you two did together? Had dinner last night, but we did that with the whole family too. We don’t really do things that’s just the two of us.

Do you get along better with him than your mother? Yes.

E - Ebay.

Have you ever bought anything from ebay? No. I’m not sure we have eBay here anyway.

Do you just shop around when you’re online? I don’t really shop ‘around.’ I usually have an idea of what I want to get myself, and it’s just a matter of finding the right shop from which to buy.

Do you know anybody who is addicted to it? I know a couple of co-workers who love shopping, like Gabi.

Have you ever sold anything on it? I’ve never tried selling, but I’m actually in the middle of doing something for the very first time – I’ve decided to get into trading! I got my BTS Butter album yesterday but didn’t get to pull the photocard I was vying for – the pull I got, though, was of the most popular member, which means it would be a very easy trade. I put the trade offer up the other day and I finally got a match yesterday.

F - Facebook.

When was the last time you logged on? Like five minutes ago. I constantly check it.

How many friends do you have? Just checked and it says I have 686. I wanna get rid like half of them though.

Do you hate when your facebook chat messes up? Hmm, that doesn’t really happen.

Who was the last person to leave you a wall post? Angela.

G - Google.

Do you Google everything? Yeah, I think I look up a random item or phrase at least once a day. Doesn’t hurt to learn a new thing each day. :)

What was the last thing you Googled? The K-Pop group g.o.d., since my teacher mentioned them in our Korean lessons earlier.

Would you ever trade Google in for Bing? No, I haven’t used Bing in like 12 years.

What do you Google the most? Synonyms, I think, since I’m constantly writing for work.

H - Hair.

Do you like your hair? It’s a love-hate relationship most days because I hate how thick and frizzy it can be...but I recently had mine trimmed all the way up to my neck and for some reason it’s taken on a wavy form, which I didn’t expect to come out at all. And I’ve found that it actually suits me quite a bit, so I’m enjoying my hair for now.

What color is your hair? Black.

What does it look like right now? Slightly damp since I took a shower not too long ago.

What kind of shampoo for you use? Just a normal Dove one.

I - Ibuprofen 

When was the last time you took ibuprofen? I don’t think I’ve ever taken it? I usually take paracetamol...idrk the difference either. Do you rely on it for everything (cramps, headache)? I only ever take medicine for headaches/migraines.

Are you so thankful people made it? I mean sure, I’m glad there are those who have been able to create products that can instantly relieve pain or discomfort, but I’m not obsessively grateful.

Do you have any right now? I don’t think we have any.

J - Jobs.

Do you need a job? Nah, I already have one.

Where do you work? Media/PR industry.

Where would you work? I wouldn’t change jobs/industries. This is where I wanted to end up in, and I’m really really glad and fortunate to have landed here on my first shot, right out of college, and during a pendemic.

How much money would you like to get paid? An additional P5k (~$100) would probably be more satisfying, but considering my parents aren’t the traditional Filipino parents who suck 100% of my earnings right out of me the second payday comes, I’m able to enjoy a substantial chunk of money to myself, give them a portion of my earnings, and still be able to save.

K - Kissing.

Who was the last person you kissed? That would be my ex.

Will you next kiss be a mistake? I have no idea when that would be and with whom it will be shared, so I won’t be able to give you a definite answer.

Do you kiss someone everyday? Other than my dogs, nah.

Who was your first kiss? The aforementioned ex.

L - Love.

Who do you love the most in your life? My best friends. I’m also doing a whole lot better in the self-love department these days, so that too :)

Have you ever been in love before? Yeah.

Does it make you so happy when you feel the feeling of love? Sure. It feels light and comfortable, especially when it’s shared.

Why is this word so hard to describe? Because everyone feels love differently. < There we go.

M - Mom.

What is your mom’s name? Abigail.

What is she doing right now? She was watching The Good Doctor the last time I checked on her like five minutes ago. It’s her latest obsession.

Where does she work? She works in the food and beverage department of a 5-star hotel in the city.

Do you two shop together a lot? I rarely do my shopping with either of my parents.

N - Netflix.

Do you have Netflix? Technically, I guess. My dad pays for it and we have a family account.

If not, what movies would you order? I don’t think I’ve ever ordered a movie before. Before streaming on Netflix, I just used to get illegal torrents lol.

Do you rent a lot of movies? I’ve never rented a movie. Was too young for it, I think.

Do you have the tool where it just downloads to your tv? No.

O - Ohio.

Is this the state in which you live in? I don’t even live in the US. Never been there either. < Same.

Is Ohio State your favorite football team? I don’t like football.

Did you know Ohio Is For Lovers? I’m not familiar.

Have you ever been to Ohio? See first answer in this section.

Q - Quitting.

What was the last thing you quit doing? Practicing on Duolingo. I had an extremely short period of using the app again a couple of months ago, but I lasted all of two days hahaha I had been trying to get back on learning Korean, but I enrolled in official lessons not long after that anyway so it didn’t make sense to continue the stages in the app.

Do you need to quit talking to someone right now? Nope. The people I’m talking to right now in between this survey are all welcome conversations.

Would you ever quit school? That wasn’t an option for me and I never would’ve done it anyway. 

Don’t you think quitting is stupid? No. Sometimes it can be the strongest thing you can do for yourself.

R - Reading.

What was the last book you read? Does my Korean lesson textbook count hahaha...if not, I haven’t really read anything in years.

Do you own a lot of books? I do, but they are all books from my childhood and teenage years. It’s been a while since I last updated my bookshelf.

Do you have a library card? No, haven’t had one since Grade 1.

Have you ever read a book that changed your life? Without Seeing the Dawn was pretty influential to me, but I dunno about ‘life-changing.’ I need to read more to find the book that would have that effect on me.

S - Safety.

Do you always wear your seat belt? I do these days. I didn’t really practice it when I used to drive to school, whoops. Always forgot to do it.

When riding a four-wheeler do you wear a helmet? I rarely get to do that.

Did you ever wear knee pads and a helmet when riding your bike? Nah. I can’t ride a bike either. Do you always think safety first? In COVID terms, yeah. I have a face mask and shield on as soon as I find myself outdoors.

T - Talk

Who was the last person you talked to? Reena. Who are you talking to right now? Nobody. It’s just me, this survey, and some music in the background.

Who did you last talk to before you went to bed last night? Angela and Reena, if I’m not mistaken.

Do you need to talk to anybody right now? No, I’m good.

U - US ARMY

Do you support it? I don’t know enough about it to have a bold opinion, considering I’m not even from the US and it’s been a while since their army has had any strong contact with my country.

Do you know anybody who is in the army right now? I think one of Angela’s uncles has a high position in our national army.

Don’t you ever wonder why their camo doesn’t match anything? Not really.

Would you ever go to the army? No.

V - Virgin.

Are you a virgin? Nope.

When did you lose your virginity? I was 18.

Do you wish you would’ve waited? Nah, it felt right when I did it the first time; and I maintain that stance now even though I’m no longer with that person.

Do you think you could have stayed a virgin until marriage? I could. Sex isn’t a big deal to me.

W - What.

What are you doing right now besides this survey? I’m also listening to mono. and taking bites from my doughnut every now and then.

What are you craving? Spicy tuna salad, but it can wait. Andi got me my favorite truffle baked macaroni because it’s CM Punk day today :D :D and that’s able to satisfy my savory cravings for now.

What do you need to buy? Shelves.

Why are you taking my survey? I’ve mentioned this before but I like categorized/themed surveys, so alphabetical ones are always fun for me.

X -Xanax 

Do you know anybody who is addicted to Xanax? I don’t think so.

Have you ever taken it before? No.

Do you even know what it is? No, actually.

Have you ever suffered from anxiety or depression? I’m sure I have.

Y - Yourself.

Name. Robyn.

Age. 23.

Do you smile a lot? Sure, I’d say that’s common these days.

Z - Zebra.

Are you addicted to zebra striped? Not really.

Do you own anything zebra striped? Nah. I have some stuff that come in black and white stripes, but not zebra print. Is anything on any of your websites zebra striped? No.

[muffindaddystyles]

WHERE YOU'RE IN LOVE WITH HARRY BUT DON'T WANNA RUIN YOUR FRIENDSHIP.

Five days before Christmas and Harry protested that you should go with them to his childhood and Anne's house for the festive since you've no-more assignments to do you agreed but 𝒉𝒆𝒍𝒍 you felt like someone made you sit on a spikey bench throughout the whole drive as you had to watch him and his girlfriend sharing intimate moments infront of you.

You were the first one to get wrapped into Anne's embrace as you all reached and when she showered Harry in kisses causing him to whine a "mummy!" you and his girlfriend giggled shaking their heads.

Night was on with full charisma his cousin's kids playing everywhere you chatted, laughed and agreed on helping them to make digital cards as you're doing a graphic designing degree.

Then again you were left alone in the corner of couch while everyone's interest diverted towards Gemma's new profound game and you found yourself watching them in their own bubble making eggnogs for everyone in the kitchen.

You wanted to be in awe, be overly joyous for them that one of your bestest friend's finally being happy but you couldn't. Fuck it's so hard like someone's twisting the knife inside you and you're so lost don't know what to do.

You've always been scared to tell your feelings not to Harry but to anyone and when you were about to tell him proudly that "Harry Styles I'm so fuckin' in love with you!" the same day he you introduced to his date, from then you're just suffering internally.

He handed you the glass of eggnog kissing your head passing by you and drinking it in one gulp you stood up and with her in his lap he frowned asking.

"Where y'goin? Stay a bit more."

"Um..tired wanna rest." With that you went to your given room gazing up at the ceiling remembering the times you used to stay up all night with him in his childhood room, getting peaks of his upcoming songs, cuddling and many times just getting drunk at the roof outside.

You didn't realized you were crying until the pillow was soaking under you. You can never snatch his source of happiness so it's just better to back off.

The next morning it was late when you woke up and it was silent upon your asking one of the maid told you that they all went for Christmas shopping.

"Mop! Mop!" Baby Linda his niece bounced on the sofa calling you mop as Harry used to call you 'moppet' and the brilliant child she's catched it in a second.

"Heyyyyyy lin." You smiled taking her in arms flopping down on the sofa while the Ariel was binging on telly.

"Har n' you never ever- watch movies with'm." On every Christmas you used to now Harry simply doesn't have time for you.

At the end of movie you were about to tell her that not everyone get's prince charming or have a happy ending in their lives, considering the real story of Ariel but you went against it knowing she's just a baby and you're saying it because you're a hurt adult.

She was already snoring. Chuckling you got comfortable cuddling with her and again taking a nap which turned into a long sleep.

Harry beamed in adoration looking at you warmly wormed up with his niece, Linda's mother took her to bedroom but you were still there so Harry snaked his arm around you making you stand on your feet clumsily head tucking under his chin.

You blubbered foolishly clutching his sides tight making him giggle and when he was about to lay you down you refused to let him go, both of you plopping down on sheets.

Harry frowned when you murmured in a weak voice 'don't go' 'don't go, please' but shushing you atlast he again left you under the sheets and his scent only.

He knows something's wrong but he can't figure it out.

Next day, it was bustling in the house Anne and everyone in the kitchen baking cookies and cakes, now even Anne thinks you're not feeling well.

Harry and his girlfriend were doing a chore when you cleared your throat. The fact she's so nice that you can't even let your heart speak bad about her.

"Can I steal Harry for a moment?" You asked her and she nodded patting him, "He's all yours." At that time you wanted to sob out aloud because 𝒉𝒆'𝒔 𝒏𝒐𝒕.

In the corner you fidgeted with your fingers while Harry's anticipated to go back.

"Umm..one of my friend's really really sick I've to be with her-" Squinting his eyes he cut you off knowing you both have same friends, "which one?"

"You don't know about her. Seriously Harry? I've alot of friends except you." You're offended without any reason even though you're lying.

"Fine whatever you wish." He spoke without any excitement because he really really want you beside him with his family.

"Uh..okay then. Everyone's gifts are in the room please give them on my behalf." He curtly nodded not meeting your eyes.

"Should I take you?" You declined his offer assuring him that you'll take a bus home. Everyone's face dropped at the news of your departure and Anne wasn't very fond of the idea but anyhow she agreed asking you to 'take care of yourself.'

On the Christmas eve everyone was sat around the fire pit while you were alone in your apartment eating pretzels and hot cocoa. When they unwrapped gifts from you they all became sad instead of being happy.

Harry fisted the sweater you personally knitted for him as a gift and angrily shoved it back into brown bag, he don't know why he's feeling certain way.

He wanted you with him, wanted too take in your reaction while he unwrapped his present and to give you one he has chosen and kept for you from months.

In the bedroom he pinned his girlfriend against the wall ready to fuck her hard and raw not because he's feeling thirsty or needy, he's at edge and frustrated.

When she was ontop of him kissing him, grinding her hips down against him. He moaned like a wounded animal and didn't even realized what he said till the second she climbed down from his thigh.

"You just moaned out y/n name." Harry's eyes widened in shock, this can't possibly be happening.

"Harry do you think you're in love with, y/n?" She asked him politely rubbing his knee because she's not into that deep with Harry and will be okay with him not wanting to continue this relationship.

"I-I don't know..maybe?" He puffed out focusing on his rings.

"I think so you're and honestly I wouldn't mind if you'll go after her." She grinned and then it hit him like hundered bricks that him getting antsy without your presence, him missing you even it was just for three days and him getting angry at you for not even giving him the good-bye kiss means that his heart has always been in love with you.

"M'in love with my moppet. Fuck. Fuck. M'in love" He hastened to his closet fishing for his clothes, phone in between his shoulder and ear.

Ringing and ringing but you never picked up. But that didn't made him loose his hope in you, in their love.

Wait- he thought to himself that do you love him?

"Thank you. Thank you!" He hugged her last time before leaving for london.

You were startled when there was loud banging on your door, you know it's Harry from the missed calls bunched in your phone from him so you ignored it again going to sleep.

Harry: Are you inside?

His text popped up and you quickly typed back throwing it carelessly.

You: No. Told ya, at friend's.

He sighed defeatedely leaning his head against your door groaning loudly. But again, he isn't loosing his hope because now he's very sure you're in love with him.

New years eve and your close friend invited you to their party, despite of knowing Harry could be there you gave in. After so much whining to yourself you went not wearing anything flashy just a cute baby floyd sweater and right at the entrance of her building you bumped into Harry.

"There's somethin' you're not tellin'm." His words floated out quickly anxious that you'll not listen to him. He's smiling bashfully finding you adorable as fuck.

You remained quite lowering your head and Harry raised his hand many times to touch you, litreally hug you tight against his chest but he hesitated.

"Miss you, please what did I do wrong?" You shook your head blinking away the tears.

"You didn't do anything wrong...I-I just can't be friends with you anymore." Harry could be seen practically shuddering at your words, anger boiling inside him.

"You're lying!" He balled his fists and you snapped, "No. I don't like you infact I hate you!" You cried painfully as if you're bleeding.

You had to say this else his littlest of cooing and you'd have melted to his feet. You ran away from him the elevator doors shutting while you kept on looking at eachother not knowing how much you're hurting eachother.

There's a skip in your heart when the elevator jerked making you tumble to floor. The light went out and you blindly reached for nothing in particular..

Fuck this isn't happening. You're claustrophobic and right now it's the extreme of your phobia.

"Help!" You screamed crying legs shivering and giving out causing you to collapse painfully onto floor.

You banged the steel doors with your whole will power litreally trying to open them with your hands because you're getting a panic attack this's what mostly people do when the get panicked, they try to do things out of their force just so they could breath.

With shaky fingers and blurry vision you dialed the first number, phone falling in your lap as you're feeling zaps of horror till your bones.

Afraid of dark you kept looking behind you in the mirror heart slowing down at each glance.

Harry was in the middle of staircase the music reaching to him from your guys friend's house and he halted in his tracks when his phone ringed furrowing his brows at your name flashing.

"Har-h-" His heart fell onto floor at your loud incoherent sobs, "what happened are y'okay? Where are ya!?" His voice boomed and he fled downstairs but again upstairs as to lost where you're because you're just crying loudly into speaker.

"Stru-stuck, lift save me...." You digged your nails into your sweater atop of where your heart is because you can't breath anymore.

He muttered a shit under his breath quickly telling the security guard of building to do something, pacing around he gripped his hair "hey moppet listen to me hmmm? They're comin' s'okay, it's okay. Breath fo' me." He rambled into phone running back to the elevator doors.

He knows how much you're scared of closed spaces and how much you despise dark.

Your windpipes are blocking any air passage, your brain fuzzy and vision going. You're feeling so scared that these are your last breaths and someone will come from darkness to drag you with them.

"...can't- breath. breath can't.., please please please." You begged and Harry's feeling helpless. He can't see the person he love ever most being in so pain on the verge of losing themselves.

Pressing his palms and forehead against the cool steel door he spoke broken, "..baby m'strong strong girl jus' focus on the things ye' love- or the moments ye' want to cherish again."

But, you were giving in heart thumping brain shutting so before you know your racing heart's blabbering and blabbering, "you. you...love- love you please. I love you!" A single sob escaped from Harry's lungs and he punched the steel.

"Fuck I love you too so fucking much baby, stay strong fo' me jus-just don't give in." Then he screamed at the guard, "where the fuck are they!!"

But you haven't heard his 'I love yous' not his soft talk because you were long gone into dark blue and purples of your safe world.

Harry clutched his phone neck veins popping as he shouted, "fuck. fuck moppet! don't go. Are ye' listenin' to me?" He's crying standing up and practically shoving the engineer to do his work as soon as possible.

All the oxygen left his body when the elevator dinged again opening to give the sight of you unconscious on it's floor, phone beside your head and your chest not moving.

He didn't spare a second scooping your sweaty body in his arms bridal style taking you to the house where party's still going.

"Move the fuck away!" He shouted pushing grinding bodies away laying you down inside the closest bedroom.

He pressed his ear against your heart which was giving slow beats, sighing he kissed your forehead brushing the strands of hair sticking to your face back then again sponging kisses to your closed eye-lids meanwhile some person in the party was a med student so she suggested to give you a shot that'll calm you down from anderaline and will help you sleep for a while.

He flinched as the needle pricked your delicate skin. The accident showed him how ignorant he was of his feelings for you, he has never loved someone this much.

He didn't care to go outside, just holding your hand kissing it again and again, checking if you were okay and he was so paranoid so he kept on holding your wrist to check your heart race.

When you shifted slightly in you position groaning to sit up he placed his hands on your shoulder, "hey..hey don't it's okay. It's okay baby rest."

"Need water?" He asked you stroking your cheek and you nodded exhaling, "Hold me?" You whispered snuggling by his side.

"Sure baby always." He embraced you for dear life rocking your bodies like a baby in cradle, "I was angry at you when you left from mum's home and then during sex I took your name..fuck at that moment I got to know how much I love you moppet, so so fuckin' much."

"I too." You whispered gazing up at him and there were loud noises of countdown outside.

"Kiss me?" You wet your dry lips, your noses touching and it's hazy all around you. With your temples pressed he squeezed your bottoms kissing the corner of your lips first and when everyone yelled Happy new years! He smashed his lips on yours cupping your face gently.

Fireworks everywhere. In the sky and inside of you as you pulled his hair deepening the kiss and he slipped his tongue into your mouth.

You kissed until you both were out of breath and he pecked you moistly saying 'always.'

"They say what y'do on new years eve you keep on doing it for the next whole year." You giggled closing your eyes from tiredness and the shot murmuring, "cheeky enough."

.

A/n

I've written this claustrophobia situation on my experience. This really happened with me. I'm claustrophobic and got stuck in an elevator bad combination I know but there wasn't any Harry to save me😭😆

[beatriceeagle]

no pressure if you're busy but i was wondering - is titans good? or is it more a show where you're like it's not /good/ but i like it? i thought it looked interesting but then everyone was so negative about it i kind of got put off. And then your (really excellent btw) video resparked why i thought it'd be interesting to watch in the first place. thanks!

I haven’t paid a ton of attention to what fans have said about Titans, although I’m aware that there’s a general negative vibe around it. I suspect that whether Titans is worth watching for you depends a whole lot on what you want out of Titans.

I went into the show having never read a DC comic in my life. I was coming off of a week-long Wikipedia binge on Batman and his associated characters—the Robins, the Batgirls, some dude named Signal—and was talking to @thirdblindmouse about how it had become overwhelmingly clear to me that we’ve been doing Batman all wrong for decades, and the way to tell the story is as an ensemble family drama about intergenerational trauma. And she was like, “Uh, have you seen Titans?” So all of my pre-existing understanding of the characters comes from Google and selected comics scans.

I suspect that the show’s interpretation of Dick Grayson, in particular, is... skewed? I’m almost certain, based on scans of comics I’ve seen/the half a season of Teen Titans I watched a lifetime ago, that its interpretation of Starfire is highly nontraditional. There are certain storylines that I know they’re adapting, but like, they are playing very loose with the adaptation of even some of the characters’ basic personalities. (I’m pretty sure—again, not really a DC comics fan!)

So if you’re very committed to a generally cheerful Dick Grayson, Titans will not give you that. If you have a vision of Batman as a generally decent man, Titans will really not give you that. In general, I think that the show would be better if it erred more towards a lighter tone for Dick—there are moments where he has shades of Quentin in season three of The Magicians, when Q was kind of endearingly hapless, and the show is better for it. But I think it earns its ambivalent stance on Batman, and uses it well. Batman in Titans looks and acts like your dad whose office you’re not allowed into. And Titans!Starfire is really amazing. Like, Anna-Diop-is-a-revelation, fuck-now-you’ve-got-me-shipping-against-my-will amazing.

The bigger issue that Titans has—and this is not unrelated to Dick’s characterization, I guess—is its relationship with violence. Titans is a really violent show, especially in its first season, and it’s off-putting. Pretty much every superhero show involves the heroes beating up bad guys; not every superhero show involves the protagonist mutilating someone in the course of a fight.

This is not unthinking hyperviolence. Titans (which is actually annoyingly pretty good about tracking character through action sequences) is trying to make a point: The compounding traumas of Dick’s childhood resulted in an explosion of rage. Batman funneled his anger into Dick; Dick funnels his anger into whatever bad guy he’s fighting. The show isn’t subtle about this idea. Dick says it out loud several times. Nor (after the first fight) does the show endorse Dick’s over-the-top violence. Everyone from Donna Troy to Dick himself remarks on it with, at minimum, concern. And over time, Dick’s fighting style changes; he consciously leaves the hyperviolence behind, until his final fight of season two is primarily evasive.

But Dick is not the only Titans character who is working out his rage on the criminals he apprehends, and the show is considerably less coherent in its tonal approach to other characters’ violence. Hank and Dawn—the masked hero team Hawk and Dove—have an origin story that plays out like the the backstory of a serial killer couple, their interlocking trauma and rage and grief finding expression and acceptance in each other. The show is aware of the dynamic, but it’s not clear that it’s aware of how disturbing it is. Hank and Dawn are, primarily, people who need to cause violence in order to be at peace in their own heads—and only secondarily, people who want to protect others from danger. Season two does do some work exploring this idea, but the exploration is confused by the fact that, in the end, the show wants both of them on the cast.

Which is kind of the problem with any superhero show that sets out to explore the ethics of superheroism—at the end of the day, the characters aren’t gonna retire to Wisconsin, you know? So Titans presents hyperviolence, presents it as problematic (sometimes), presents it as almost an inevitable consequence of traumatized teenagers deciding to pursue vigilante justice... and then builds a superhero team of traumatized teenagers and young adults. As is its basic conceit.

And on a more fundamental level, the hyperviolence just sort of makes the show feel very grim. It’s already an aesthetically dark show, a lot of the time, and then you’ve got people getting mutilated, and Batman’s an asshole and Dick Grayson’s got anger management issues, and it feels like the show’s grimdark. 

I don’t think it is, though. First of all, despite everything, Titans actually has a sense of humor, both in general and occasionally about itself—I mean, it’s not Legends of Tomorrow, but it understands how to crack a smile every now and then. (They have a superdog. He shoots lasers out of his eyes!) But more importantly, at the end of the day, Titans is hopeful. Yeah, it’s a show about anger and violence and intergenerational trauma—but it’s more specifically about moving beyond those things. At its heart, it’s about being a better parent to your children than your parents were to you.

That central relationship between Dick and Rachel—Dick trying, and sometimes failing, but always caring and trying to be better for Rachel, and Rachel’s absolute fury with him when he fails, but her unshakeable devotion to him for being there, the unbelievable amount of sway he holds in her world—that’s what makes the show work for me. There are other vital relationships, too—Rachel and Kory, especially, but also all of the pseudo-familial relationships built up between all of the characters—but it all comes back to Dick and Rachel.

I mean, it’s a found family show. So much so that in season two, there are like, three separate speeches about how this is a family, not one of those stupid biological families, but a family we found, and isn’t that the important kind? And how grimdark can a found family show really be?

The other thing that might throw some people off—but which is actually one of my favorite things about the show—is the structure. If you take a look at the Titans episode list, you’ll see that roughly 75 percent of the episodes are named after a character or characters. Season one of Titans is basically about Dick, Starfire, Gar, and Rachel (Raven from the comics) traveling the midwest, picking up the people who will eventually form the main Titans team. When they encounter those people, they get a spotlight episode. So in episode two, “Hawk and Dove,” when Dick and Rachel lay low at Hank and Dawn’s, the episode starts out with an extended cold open, entirely disconnected from the main characters, just introducing us to Hank and Dawn as characters. Episode eight, “Donna Troy,” sees Dick go to visit his old friend Donna in Milwaukee, and... basically just hang out with her for half the episode, while the rest of the cast does plot stuff. Occasionally, these spotlight episodes stop the plot completely: Towards the end of season one, an episode ends on a cliffhanger. the next episode, rather than showing the outcome of the cliffhanger, is “Hank and Dawn,” an episode that flashes back to show the story of how Hank and Dawn met and became masked heroes. (There’s an in-episode device that eventually makes it clear why this story is related to the cliffhanger.) Season two uses the cliffhanger-into-a-flashback-spotlight-episode structure two more times, once with a character we’ve never met before.

I can see this being deeply frustrating to a viewer watching week-by-week (and I would not recommend watching Titans in that manner). And it’s certainly an unconventional way to structure a season of television. But honestly? I think it’s half of what I like about the show. The spotlight and flashback episodes are good—often some of the best the show’s produced. They don’t stop the plot for no reason; in season two, in particular, they provide context and backstory and characterization in a way that would be almost impossible to do, or to do so well, without the space of a full episode. They make the show more episodic than it would otherwise be—always a joy, in a television landscape full of 10-hour movies—and give it space to experiment with tone and genre. They make the characters richer, and the relationships more complex.

Does it slow down the plot? Absolutely. But Titans is not overflowing with complex plot, and I don’t really think it should try to. The plot of Titans hangs together juuuuuuuust enough to make the themes and characters and relationships work. It’s coherent—we’re not talking Teen Wolf, here—but it’s not brilliant, and honestly, that’s fine by me. But I suppose if you want your plot to be really good, this may not be the show for you.

Finally, I’ll say that Titans, though not what I would call a feminist show (it has a primarily male writing staff and I think it shows) does have a kind of surprisingly large female cast? I wanna say it’s five men, five women, by the end of season two? (Yeah, it’s a fucking enormous cast.) And the women have actual relationships with each other, ones that the show puts some effort into maintaining and remembering. I realize this is damning with faint praise, but honestly I’d just expected a show like Titans to not do that, and was prepared to ignore it, and was kind of pleasantly surprised when I didn’t have to.

In summary: I told my sister that Titans is 10% men in spandex standing on cars, 30% team as family, 30% intergenerational trauma, 20% an uncomfortable relationship with is own hyperviolence, and 10% Krypto the Superdog. I think that tracks. That show, despite having Anna Diop’s glowing presence, has a lot of flaws, but it also really worked for me on some soul-deep level. I am exactly on its wavelength.

I do not think that Titans is a fantastic television show, but I also don’t think it’s a very bad one. I think it’s generally competent show that is very interesting in some aspects, is weak in some areas, falls prey to some inherent trappings of its genre, is thoughtful about familial trauma, is not thoughtful enough about violence and criminal justice, has a lot of very compelling performances, is really poorly lit a lot of the time, pays a lot of attention to its visual language, kind of thinks Batman’s an asshole, and has Krypto the Superdog. It really worked for me; I can see why others might not be into it; it might work for you!

[exobyharu]

PCY - One Shot

Image source to follow. I just Googled it like this

“Yeah, look, listen, are you uh…”

Summary: A flustered PCY? It was a close call. He was definitely going to tell Baekhyun about his minor fuck up. He may need more than “just make sure you smell good” from him. He got what he came for, though. You can’t say it was a bad idea either.

⏰ 2:10 PM 🌏 7-11, near Chanyeol’s imaginary radio station ☁️ Just immediately after a heavy thunderstorm 👥 YN, Park Chanyeol, Byun Baekhyun

Notes: Another one shot because I’m busy for the holidays. :( First person: It’s my first time! Next update will be on the series. Happy Holidays!

Words: ~1,700

💙💙💙

I just want to be in a proper relationship and stay in it. Instead, the only eligible guy within my social circle is my childhood’s worst nightmare, Byun Baekhyun. I know that I seem way too ungrateful, seeing that countless women would kill to be in my place, but if they had only grown up with the guy, they would know that it would be almost impossible to see him more than a pesky little brother.

Trust me. I tried.

I could barely get the facts straight in my head: He’s actually older than me – even though he behaves way too much like a stubbornly mental teenager and five hyperactive puppies, all combined in one body.

My life was set. Until last night, my life is going to be with this guy I’ve been in a relationship with for the past five years. At least until I discover that he had been cheating for at least half of it, because I turn out to be too boring (his words) for his fun-loving, go-getting ways.

I was told and it explains why I suddenly –  and oh so desperately – want to try something crazy to change that. By my albeit too boring standards, a slow drive down the outskirts of the city in the middle of an afternoon thunderstorm seems like the perfect kind of reckless to me.

There isn’t even alcohol in the picture. Just me, my father’s hand-me-down-SUV-slash-motherwagon, and a bag of chips and soda on the passenger’s seat. The plan is to get moving, reach the shore in a couple of hours and make it back before it gets dark. I will bring my journal with me, binge on junk, and stare out into the sea with the liftgate as the roof over my head and hopefully a stray dog for company.

So yeah.

I am boring.

I leave three text messages anyway, for those in my Top Three Most Important People In My Life list, who have recently ascended up the ranks by default, simply because the Love Of My Life TM, is no longer in it. 

I’ll be out. Be back my midnight, I tell my sister. 

Borrowing the car. I’ll be safe. Driving over to Baekhyun’s, I tell my dad. 

And of course, for my one and only best friend: Let’s go SuperM! Dear leader, told dad I’m driving to your place. Please don’t kill me. I just need to be at my usual spot. I’ll be safe. I promise. Enjoy your tour!

And after a couple of hours preparing and getting my shit together, my eyes are finally dry enough from all the crying. I have my favourite rain jacket on, just in case, and my journal. With my last ritual stop being the nearby convenience store, I know that I will be well on my way to the beach in a few minutes.

It’s a little funny how the thunderstorm has cleared, right when I finally decide to leave the house and head out of the driveway. So much for being reckless. Still, the skies are adequately grey, perfectly sympathising with my sentiments.  

Also, why do they play sappy love songs on the radio at this hour?

I leave the radio on anyway, telling myself that I have to get used to this whole self-partnered concept. Well, for the record, it’s been about six hours into this and all I can say is that it sucks. I miss my stupid, good for nothing, ex. That’s normal, right?

Biting my lower lip, I pull up at the parking space, making sure that my brokenness and frustrations do not reach my eyes once again. Thinking of nothing but the tantalising image of the bag of Lays that I am to devour in a couple of hours, I head straight into the store, the comforting sound of door chimes signalling my entrance. I grab an extra bottle of Mountain Dew just in case, as well as a Snickers bar. And a bag of m&m’s. And a can of Dr. Pepper. And another bag of cookies.

What?

Nobody will see, save for the kind lady by the counter. What’s there to be ashamed about? I am a brokenhearted girl. That means I deserve it. That, and I’m unstoppable.

In about ten minutes, the chimes sound once again, and I am out, running back to the car even before I grab more than what I can actually eat.

“Ya ya ya, slow down!”

The startled voice is too easily recognised. I whirl around, a giant bag of salt and carbohydrates in hand, and am faced by Park Chanyeol, frozen in place with an outstretched hand.

First of all, why am I not surprised? Second of all, I already know too well, what this conversation is going to be all about.

“What a weather to be up and about. Always a busy one, our YN.”

Right. The weather. What a perfect conversation starter. And did he just say our YN? A pout grows on my lips when he comes closer. This can’t be good. 

“I could say the same and have you explaining to me, you know.”

“If it gets rid of this,” he says, and presses a light finger on the wrinkled skin between my brows, “then I will tell you that our radio show got cancelled because of the storm. The station’s just couple of blocks down this street.”

Too bad for him, I’m not easily convinced. “So you’re down here, actually buying something for yourself?”

“And I can’t?”

I close my eyes, unsure if engaging in our usual banter will help nurse my broken spirit. “Don’t you have personal assistants to get you stuff when you need them?”

His shrug makes me even more suspicious. “It’s rare to have the streets empty. You know we don’t get this chance whenever we want.”

Celebrities. Right. Sometimes, I forget. My mind travels back to the time when I went with Baekhyun and his brother to catch a movie on a Sunday night. That will never happen again.

“Look, I don’t want to be blunt or anything, but…” Chanyeol comes even closer – close enough for me to smell his perfume. He must have emptied a bottle over his head.

“But …what?” I watch him take a deep breath and pause. The movement of his lips is subtle, but I don’t miss it. It’s like he’s carefully choosing his words but he eventually gives up after a few tries. Now that’s a sigh.

“Were you crying,” he says instead.

Is this guy serious? It does not even sound like a question. “Are you asking because you’re not sure?”

“It’s just your eyes. The skin around it, actually. It’s bugging out, kind of. You cried a lot, didn’t you?”

Bugging out, huh? When I don’t answer, he gets it. I hope he does.

“Shit. I’m sorry. I’m stupid. Call me stupid.” Now he’s frantically raising both hands in front of me as if to defend himself. The heck. I’m not going to punch him or anything.

“Damn it. Forget I asked,” he says, when I stay quiet more out of confusion than anything else. It makes him look up into the sky, muttering something that sounds very much like goddammit said over and over. He does this while he rakes at his hair with both hands and it lasts too long to be a simple show of frustration.

What now? It makes me look up too.

Just clouds. Just nothing, really.

When I glance back at him, his eyes are now screwed shut. It takes a few seconds before he finishes his deep breaths and slowly stuffs both of his hands inside the front pockets of his jeans.

Jesus, Chanyeol, quit weirding me out.

“Um, hey?”

It’s like summoning his consciousness back to earth. “Yeah, look, listen, are you uh…” He purses his lips to the side, looking thoughtful and possibly, forcing that crooked smile. “You going somewhere?”

“Yeah, Look, listen, I am going somewhere.” I almost laugh when I answer. Look? Listen? What’s he being so nervous about? He doesn’t need to hide anything – they would not stand a chance. I know that Baekhyun sent him. Cut the shit. I’ll be fine. You can enjoy the rest of your day. Thank you very much.

I wave him off. “Stop pretending, Chanyeol. You know already.”

“Yah! You don’t understand, YN. I just want to know…” He looks at me sheepishly, if not stuttering. “Is there beer in that bag?”

The drink did not even make it to my Reckless Afternoon shopping list. It makes me shake my head and sigh. “What can I say? I’m a terminal case of boring.”

What I said makes Chanyeol’s eyes grow wide. “That’s loaded. Wanna talk about it?”

Nope. So I cross my arms, fake indifference, and change the topic. “Did Baekhyun send you? Cause if you’re here to stop me, that’s his job. Not yours.”

One side of his lips rise – a sign that a smile is starting to ease in. He gets it. That topic’s off limits and he goes along with it. “Baekhyun…” he starts, tilting his head in thought. “He said that you would be here, yes. But as for coming here, that’s on my own volition.”

I’m sure. I snort. “Obviously, you wouldn’t let him force you.”

“Obviously,” he says back. And then nothing else.

He just flashes a perfect smile and stares meaningfully into my eyes making my brain short circuit. I don’t know what he means. My eyes refuse to process such sensory input.

Stop this, Chanyeol. Stop this now.

“What I’m saying is that this is Baekhyun’s job,” I explain, avoiding his gaze. “It’s not your responsibility. So why don’t you go and do your musician stuff?”

“Hmm… YN, it’s like this…”

I just know that I’m fucked whenever Chanyeol switches gears and transforms into the argumentative version of himself. “If your best friend feels responsible for you, then I feel responsible for my best friend. The line of responsibility can extend as far as it can go. I can even send my mom over here to watch over you, if you won’t let me.”

By experience, I know that I could argue for an entire afternoon. However, also by experience, I know Chanyeol to be the type to argue until much later in the morning. Long conversation short, I’m stuck in a hopeless situation. “Baekhyun’s right. There’s no reasoning with you, sometimes.”

And it’s clear to him that he’s won. That grin is him, claiming his prize. “That’s because I’m bright, people say.”

“You can’t stop me though. My mind’s set.” It’s a promise.

“Don’t worry. I won’t do that.”

I blink. Then what’s this all about?

“Leave your car here”, he says. “I’m just here to take you there.”

And my best friend’s best friend never takes never for an answer. I’m not even surprised that Chanyeol knows the way to my favourite place. That is how I end up falling asleep, smelling his strong perfume, with the sound of the road flying beneath the wheels of his car.

💙💙💙 - end -

[adashofniallandasprinkleoflunacy]

A/N: i got a super nice ask telling me they liked the interview tag i did with demon!harry and that they’d love to see one with angel!y/n, but with demon!harry interviewing her instead! so i presenttttt

An Angelic Inquiry starring angel!y/n, featuring demon!harry 

-

Harry: Are the microphones working? [shuffling] No, sweetheart, you’re supposed to clip it onto your shirt near the top of your chest...No, not like tha— it’s upside down! Here, let me do it.

Y/N: It’s fine, I’ve got it! Harry—!

Harry: [fixes microphone] Oh, hop of it, will you? I’ve messed with your shirt plenty of times before. [smirks softly]

Y/N: [grumbling] Shut up.

Harry: [sly grin] Your eyes are lookin’ a little bright there, darling.

Y/N: [loudly] Okay, can we start?

Harry: [chuckling, under his breath] Such an eager little thing. [louder] Question one: If it’s 1am and you’re still awake and wanting to talk to someone, who do you call and what do you talk about?

Y/N: I’ll usually phone my best friend, Niall, and we usually just talk about whatever comes to mind. Recently, it’s been a show we’ve both been binging— The Flash. It’s so good, I could talk about it for hours.

Harry: [shifting in seat, raising eyebrow] And what about me? You don’t wanna talk to me?

Y/N: [scuffing] You’re a cranky menace whenever you get woken up before you have to. I’d rather not climb that mountain.

Harry: [leaning back and crossing his arms, thighs parting suggestively] You had no problem climbing this mountain two nights ago.

Y/N: [eyes widen] Next question!

Harry: Are you part of any fandoms? Or at least a big fan of something in particular?

Y/N: Oh my Dad, I feel like I have so many! [laughs softly] Uhm...well, The Flash, obviously. Vampire Diaries, Arrow, Teen Wolf, Deadly Class, Supernatural—

Harry: You’re welcome for that one.

Y/N: —oh, and the Marvel movies—

Harry: That one, too.

Y/N: [rolling eyes] I’m so thankful. How will I ever repay you?

Harry: [cocks head to the side, shrugs eyebrows coyly] I have a few ideas. [glances down at question sheet] Are you the big spoon or the little spoon?

Y/N: [furrows eyebrows] What does that mean?

Harry: [deadpan, knowing tone] You’re the little spoon.

Y/N: How do you know?

Harry: Because I have the bruises from falling off the side of the bed to prove it.

Y/N: Asshole.

Harry: [snorts] Love you, too, babe.

Y/N: [mockingly] Love you, too, babe.

Harry: If your mum texted you right now, how would that make you feel?

Y/N: I don’t...have a mom...

Harry: Dad, then.

Y/N: It’d probably make me feel a little jittery because I feel like he’s always looking over my shoulder. Literally and metaphorically.

[Light laughter across the room]

Harry: [eyes brighten] Have you ever been in love? [sits forward, placing elbow on armrest and chin in the palm of one hand, raises eyebrows expectantly]

Y/N: I have. [smiles shyly]

Harry: Oh, have you? [grins widely, eyes twinkling] Tell me about him.

Y/N: Our lord and savior, Jesus Christ. Next question.

[More laughter around the room]

Harry: [face dropping into a scowl, eyes narrowing] Who’s the asshole, now?

Y/N: [laughing fully] What?! I was just being honest!

Harry: [eyes flitting black for a second, ominous flirtatious simper] You’re gonna wish you hadn’t been.

Y/N: [rolls eyes playfully] Yeah, okay. Next question.

Harry: Can you be trusted with a secret?

Y/N: [snorting, shaking head lightly] Can I? This entire relationship is solid proof.

Harry: Touché. Who was your childhood best friend? Are you still friends? [exasperated sigh] Oh, here we go again with—

Y/N: Niall! We’ve been friends since we were created— about 3 thousand years ago, give or take a few centuries. Still are.

Harry: [looking around at crew with evident distaste] He’s annoying. And one of his wings is smaller than the other.

Y/N: It’s because he had an accident when he was learning how to fly!

Harry: [mimicking Y/N from before] Yeah, okay. [stifling giggles as he avoids Y/N’s flying hand, normal voice] What are three songs currently on your everyday playlist?

Y/N: Uhmm... [looking through phone] Bad Decisions by Ariana Grande, Little Bird by Ed Sheeran, and Thief by Ansel Elgort.

Harry: I’ve met Ansel, y’know?

Y/N: [awed] Really?

Harry: Yup. [smirks] And he’ll be meeting my favorite hell-hound in a few years.

Y/N: [pales] Oh...

Harry: I know. Way to waste a pretty face. Nice package, too...Anyways, have you pictured your future? If so, what does it look like?

Y/N: I never really thought much of my future simply because it’d been predestined for me. But now that I know there’s more to life than just following orders, I’m hoping that my future is one where I don’t have to hide my relationship. I want people from both sides of my life to learn to get along so that I can truly be happy. I’ve learned that appearances aren’t always what they seem, and to never judge anyone blindly based off prejudice and I hope that one day my family will see things the way I do, accept who I love, and be as happy for me as I am.

Harry: [reaches forward and squeezes Y/N’s hand gently with a watery smile, mouthing] Love you.

Y/N: [smiles back] Love you, too, asshole.

[withasideoficing]

How You Get the Girl

Summary: You’re a childhood friend of Auston, who introduces you to Clayton. From there, a friendship starts to bloom, until one day everything changes. 

Features: Minor angst. Auston as a side character. Mentions of the movie Thankskilling...do yourself a favor and never watch it...ever 

Notes: Requested fic. This took me a while to write and I’m glad it’s finally done. Originally was going to be titled Love Me Anyway, but ended up liking How You Get the Girl as the title more. 

Word Count: 2898

Arizona was home. It was where your family was, where your friends were. You were sticking around for college. You had grown up with Auston Matthews, who had gone first overall to the Toronto Maple Leafs. It was Auston’s fault you ended up here, at least that’s what you were telling yourself. Auston’s rookie season had come to an end. Clayton Keller, who had been the Coyote’s 2016 Draft Pick, had signed his contract with the Coyote’s and was sticking around for a little while after the end of the season to get a feel for his new city. Auston had invited you to lunch to introduce you. 

“You can show him around,” Auston said when you met up with the duo. You just rolled your eyes. But you agreed. There was something about Clayton that attracted you. You weren’t sure why Auston didn’t do it himself, but couldn’t be bothered to ask. Not when it meant you got to spend time with an attractive guy. 

You and Clayton spent a day going to your favorite places. You showed him some hidden gems, some popular spots, and some places that you just liked to go because of the familiarity. You quickly fell into a routine with him, even after he headed home for the summer. 

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You were hanging out with Auston one night late in the summer before he was getting ready to head back to Toronto for the season. You had gotten to choose the movie that night, and instead of going to a favored movie or playing Netflix Roulette, you chose Thankskilling, opting to subject Auston to the film. Your friends had made you watch it with them a few months prior when they were doing a binge watch of a series called Theater Mode. And so far, it had been a fantastic option, if only for the horrified expressions your best friend made and the snarky commentary. 

“Did that turkey just…?” Auston asked trailing off. You just nodded. The movie, if you could even call it that, was hard enough to sit through the first time. Your phone lit up with a new text, Clayton’s name flashing on your screen. You smiled when you read his message, telling you when he’d be coming back to Arizona. 

“Who’s got you all smiley?” Auston asked, raising an eyebrow. He hadn’t seen that kind of smile on your face in some time. Last time he’d seen a smile that bright on your face had been when you were dating some football player in high school. And that had ended in disaster. 

“What? Oh. Just talking to Clayton,” you told him. He frowned slightly at your answer. When he’d asked you to show him around, he hadn’t thought you’d continue to talk to Clayton, especially once he went home for the summer. According to the message you had just gotten, he was due back in a couple days and you were genuinely excited to see him. You tried to ignore the butterflies you got when you thought about it. Clayton was your friend, nothing more. You didn’t want to make it weird.

“Since when are you two friends?” Auston questioned, his tone laced with annoyance. You raised an eyebrow. After all, it had been his idea for you to show Clayton around. 

“Since you asked me to show him around,” you replied, before grabbing a handful of the popcorn that sat between you and your best friend.  The credits of the film were rolling and you took the opportunity to put some distance between you and Auston and get away from his interrogation. You went to get more water and Auston followed you.

“You like him,” Auston said, sounding so sure of himself.

“Auston, it’s not like that,” you told him as you filled your glass up. You took a sip, watching as Auston shook his head.

“Y/N, I’ve known you long enough to know when you’ve got it bad for someone,” he said. 

“Honestly, Aus, it’s nothing. We’re friends. I thought that’s what you wanted,” you said. He sighed.

“I’m happy you two are getting along. I just don’t want to see you hurt,” he said, his voice growing softer. Auston was like a brother to you. He was protective of you and had been since you were kids. 

“Alright Matthews, enough about Clayton. What’d you think of the movie?” you asked. His expression turned to one of disgust.

“It wasn’t scary but it was fucking horrifying. Please never make me watch it again,” he replied. You laughed. You decided not to tell him about the sequel just yet. You’d save that for the next time he pissed you off before movie night. 

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

September arrived and with it, so did Clayton. You two fell into an easy routine of hanging out when he wasn’t busy with the pre-season. You were hanging out, just catching up, when it happened. You weren’t sure who initiated the first kiss, but it was heated. The two of you broke apart just long enough for him to speak.

“You sure you wanna do this?” he asked. 

“Yeah,” you replied. And with that, you took him by the hand and led him down the hall to your room. 

----------------------------------------------------------------------------

The summer had faded into the fall as October arrived, bringing the regular season with it. You tried to tell yourself it was just the start of the regular season that was the reason for Clayton’s absence from your life. But you knew that wasn’t the truth.  After that night, you got sporadic responses and the only Snaps you got were to maintain the streak. And that hurt. You should have known hooking up with him would change things. Should have seen it coming.You had done the one thing you promised yourself you wouldn’t when Auston introduced you. You caught feelings. 

You were at a Starbucks when you saw him. You had been working on a paper for class. He froze when he saw you. You had a choice in that moment, either ignore him and pretend you didn’t see him or acknowledge him. You sighed, running a hand through your hair before offering up a weak smile and a wave. He just nodded at you, before grabbing his order and leaving. You felt your heartbreak a little more. 

The next time you saw him, you were trying not to cry. Jason, the cute guy from your Western Civilizations class, had asked you out on a date. You two had been talking for a couple weeks. It was December now, and the semester was rapidly coming to an end. He had stood you up and now you were sat alone at a table for two. Clayton had walked in with some of his teammates. But when he saw you, he sent them ahead to the table that was waiting for them.

“Y/N?” he asked. You turned to see him, your eyes meeting his. 

“Clayton, hey,” you said, your voice breaking a little. You were surprised when he sat down across from you. 

“What are you doing here? Wait...stupid question,” he said, taking note of your appearance. You’d spent more time getting ready for this date than you would have cared to admit. 

“Getting stood up, apparently,” you grumbled. The smile he’d had on his face fell. 

“Who would stand you up?” he asked, as if he couldn’t believe someone would stand you up. You just shrugged.

“A guy from my history class...it...it doesn’t matter. I should just go,” you said. You moved to stand up. As you did so, Clayton placed his hand over yours.

“Or...we could have dinner and I can make up for being a terrible friend the last couple months?” he said, unsure of what your answer would be. 

“Yeah?” you asked with a small smile.

“Yeah, my treat,” he said. 

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

You and Clayton fell back into an easy routine. It was like what had happened all those months ago had never happened at all. You had missed hanging out with him. You had quickly become a regular at the home games. You and Clayton spent a lot of your free time together. Where one went, you would probably find the other. 

“Dude this is the third time this week I’ve come over and your dirty socks are still all over the floor,” you said when you walked into Clayton’s place. 

“It’s been a long week,” he grumbled. You sighed. You started picking up the living room and he just stared at you. Clayton had become one of your best friends and you had finally had enough of the mess in his living room.

“What?” you asked. He just shook his head.

“Nothing, nothing. Let me help you since it is my mess,” he said, getting up off the couch. You tossed a sock at him, hitting him square in the face. The two of you joked around as you cleaned. It was nice just spending time with him. But you found yourself wondering if you would ever be more. You still hadn’t been able to get that night out of your head, no matter how much you tried. You had gone on a couple dates here and there but they weren’t Clayton. None of the guys you had gone out with made you feel the way he did and there was no way around it. You were undoubtedly falling for him hard. 

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

At the end of February, his mother came to town. You had never met any of his family before, and for some reason, you were nervous. We’re just friends, you told yourself. Friends didn’t get nervous about meeting family. Friends didn’t feel like their heart was going to jump out of their chest at the thought of meeting parents. And your feelings for Clayton? They were still strong as ever. 

You were put at ease after your first meeting with her. And there was the bonus of getting embarrassing childhood stories about Clayton. The Coyotes had a decent stretch of home games, which meant more time to spend with Clayton. With his mom in town though, you planned to let him spend time with family. 

A few days into her visit though, you were back at Clayton’s for your regularly scheduled movie night. You had gotten up to use the restroom. When you came back, you paused when you heard your name. Sure, eavesdropping was wrong, but you couldn’t help yourself when they were talking about you.

“I know that look on your face,” Clayton’s mom said to him. 

“What look?” he asked her.

“You’re in love with her. And if I’m right, she’s feeling the same way about you. If you keep her waiting too long, someone else will come along and sweep her off her feet,” she said. You decided to make your presence known as you walked back into the room, pretending to be reading something on your phone. 

“Popcorn ready?” you asked. 

“Yeah, extra butter,” Clayton said. You smiled.

“You know me so well,” you told him as you sat down next to him. His mother looked between the two of you and excused herself to head to bed. You found yourself falling asleep with your head on his shoulder. It was getting late. 

“Hey sleepy, why don’t you just stay here tonight,” Clayton said. You yawned as you sat up.

“If you want me to stay, then get off my bed,” you grumbled. Clayton laughed.

“You take my bed,” he told you. You shook your head. 

“Between the two of us, only one of us is a professional athlete,” you said. 

“One night on the couch won’t kill me,” he said. 

“I don’t know, I hear the monsters under the couch are even worse than the monsters under the bed,” you joked.

“More of a reason for you to take the bed,” he replied. You looked at each other and lost it laughing. It hadn’t even been that funny but the two of you were crying with laughter. When you finally calmed down, Clayton looked at you.

“You know...we could always just share,” he pointed out.

“We could...just...don’t be a blanket hog and we’ll be fine,” you said. 

“According to Auston, it’s you who’s a blanket hog,” he said. His words made you pause. He talked to Auston about you. He talked to Auston about you. You tried not to let it get your hopes up.

“So, you uh, you talk to Auston about me a lot?” you asked. Clayton’s cheeks tinged pink. 

“I...well, yeah,” he said, not entirely sure how to respond. 

“You do that often?” you questioned. 

“Every once in a while,” he replied. There was a strange tension in the air. You weren’t sure what it was. You stood up, setting the popcorn bowl on the table. You decided to head towards his room, wanting to escape the feeling that had set in the room. You grabbed a pair of his sweatpants, heading to his bathroom to change. You had no reservations about borrowing his clothes. There had been plenty of nights that you ended up crashing at his place that it became expected. You even had an emergency toothbrush in his bathroom. The only thing missing from the scene was the two of you being anything more than friends. 

You headed back into his room, pulling the covers back before laying down. A few minutes later, Clayton joined you. You didn’t talk. You were scared to, if you were being honest. But you were curious. 

“So...why do you talk to Auston about me?” you asked him, breaking the silence.

“He asks how you’re doing. And sometimes you just come up. It’s no big deal,” he said. 

“Does he know?” you asked, bringing up the one topic you had avoided for months. Clayton was quiet for a minute.

“No...I think he’d kill me for that,” he said. You let out a shaky laugh.

“Why did you stop talking to me after we hooked up? And don’t say you didn’t stop talking to me. Snapping me once a day to keep a streak alive isn’t talking,” you challenged. He sighed.

“Would you believe me if I said I got scared? You’re one of Auston’s best friends. If we were together and things didn’t work out--,” you cut him off.

“It would have nothing to do with Auston. I’m my own person. Yeah, he’s my best friend and he introduced him but do you honestly think he has any say in who I do or don’t date?” you asked him. 

“Y/N,” he started to say. You sat up and looked at him, thankful the lamp on his bedside table was still on.

“I like you Clayton. Like, I want to go on dates and be with you, be your girlfriend, kind of like you,” you said. For once, you had the confidence to lay it on the line. 

“I’ve wanted that since we met. But you were, are, off limits,” he said. 

“Says who? Auston? Bro code?” you asked. 

“You’re Auston’s best friend. He’s one of my friends,” he said. 

“So then if we make it and go the distance he can say he’s the one who introduced us. If you like me and I like you, well, one plus one equals two, maybe, just maybe we should give it a try? Not let your worries about Auston maybe being upset with both of us get in the way?” you asked.

“Yeah?” he asked.

“Yeah,” you said. You weren’t expecting the kiss, but you leaned into it nonetheless. 

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You woke up the next morning to find yourself tangled up with Clayton, your head on his chest and his arm thrown over you. He was already awake.

“Morning beautiful,” he said. And you smiled. 

It was a couple months later, just before playoffs, that you mentioned it to Auston. You had made an offhanded comment when you were talking about plans for the summer, after playoffs. The Leafs were in, the Coyotes weren’t. 

“Wait, back that up a few sentences, Y/N. You and Clayton are what?” he asked.

“We’re dating? Have been since February? Keep up Matthews, god,” you said jokingly, rolling your eyes.

“When? What? How? Why? Why didn’t anyone tell me?” he asked.

“To be fair, I did tell you I had a new boyfriend,” you said.

“You never said it was Clayton. Damn it, now I owe Mitch,” he said. 

“You...you bet on Clayton and I getting together?” you asked. He just gave you a look through the screen that seemed to say he was tired of your bullshit.

“Y/N, I swear to god, if I had to hear one more comment from one of you about the other, next time I was in town I was going to lock the two of you in a closet,” he said. You just laughed. After you ended the call with him, you saw you had a new notification. Clayton had tagged you in post on Instagram. 

You were excited for what the summer had in store. You smiled when you looked up and saw Clayton had walked in.

“Ready to hit the road?” he asked. You stood up, slipping your sunglasses on before taking his hand as the two of you headed out on a summer roadtrip.

[baconpal]

here i go talkin bout fuckig anime again

rant time, but like a good one where i’m happy about things instead of angry

so ima talk about and recommend some anime shit, specifically  comfy anime and gurren lagann

i’ll just start it by saying what i mean by comfy anime, cus its something that is more vague than it should be for most people, but for me it’s pretty much anime that i wouldn’t want to binge all together, and instead watch an episode or two when i want to just enjoy something. The kind of show where after watching a little you become really confident that every single episode is just gonna be good, and you can just enjoy forgetting everything and watching it for just a moment of time. 

The anime I consider comfy and also like the most are: 

Girls Last Tour, which i’ve talked about a lot already and i will do it more if you give me an excuse, still one of the best things out there, go watch it fuck you, but that was really good as a once a week thing to wind down my week when it aired.

Non Non Biyori, which is a pretty classic example of just a really slow paced show about a slow paced kind of life. It’s about the best example of slice of life since it’s not trying to be anything else. It’s not comedy or romance or a hobbyist show or anything at all but moments in life, and it’s very relaxing.

And lastly, the comfy anime that made me wanna start ranting in the first place, Yama no Susume. I’m gonna go and talk about it for a while now, but I’ll just give it a general recommendation to whoever cares. The episodes are all short so watch a little and decide if you like it, cus if you like the beginning even a bit, you’ll likely love seasons 2 and 3.

I found this show when my brain thought “anything with a sequel must have at least been good enough to warrant more”, and I looked at the currently airing anime that was a sequel of something and went and watched the first seasons instead, despite coming to enjoy Yama no Susume, I also found that watching things just because they have sequels is a pretty bad idea, cus most of it fucking sucked.

Regardless, I saw season 3 was airing exactly 1 year ago, and began watching the first season, which really shouldn’t have taken long, because it was a short series, coming in at maybe 40 minutes of actual episodes for the entire first season, even still, I watched it over the course of a month, and really enjoyed having such incredibly small amounts of nice content to just have ready whenever. The second and third season are still shorter than most, with 13 minute episodes over regular anime lengths, and also encouraged a slow consumption of just a little bit whenever I felt like watching. It’s been a clean year since season 3 aired and I’ve only now finished the series, despite being fully engrossed the entire time I was watching. I guess talking about the anime is probably a good idea, so here’s the gist:

THE GIST

Yama no susume is a hobbyist anime about mountain climbing. I don’t climb mountains and I don’t use any part of my body besides my arms and my penis so I don’t have much investment in the subject, but it was still very easy to enjoy the show because the premise set up the studio with the chance to produce countless beautiful scenic shots, which is usually the strength of hobbyist shows, one specific thing the artists want to draw really really well. Yama no susume also has a strong story it wishes to tell on top of an easily enjoyable premise and format.

Like most good hobbyist shows, the main character, Aoi, starts of without any interest in the subject, and seems to have a void in her life, in her case, absolutely nothing going on in her life, at all, besides casual knitting. It took a bit for it to sink of for myself, but I had become very attached to Aoi because she mirrored very similarly my own life going into high school, no friends I really felt like i cared about or cared about me, and only a passing interest in some stuff I wasn’t too invested in. The entirety of the show explores how a friend entering Aoi’s life and giving her a hobby to be invested in and meet more people through improves her outlook on life and helps her grow as a person in pretty much every possible way. 

THE NOT GIST (THE ACTUAL STORY)

The first season, being so short, really only features Aoi and her forgotten friend Hinata climbing two mountains total, both of which are pretty much just light hiking that most people have probably done once or twice themselves, and meeting two people in their town with more interest in the hobby.

I’ll also just awkwardly sandwich this here, in between season 1 and 2 is a very short ova where they climb a rock wall with their new friends, but its not anyway near as well animated or interesting as anything else in the series and also has an extensive sauna scene that, again, doesn’t really fit with anything in the series, so if you read this extensive review before deciding you wanted to watch the series, feel free to skip that one i guess.

The second season is where a lot of the show really is, and most of the show being 24 of the 39 episodes, as well as including a nice short film that’s pretty much just 2 more episodes afterwards. With the new, longer, but still short episode time, a lot more mountains get climbed, as well as some actual stuff goin on. After climbing a few mountains, Aoi decides she wants to climb Mt. Fuji, the fuckin big boy, and the 4 ladies go and do that together, when the show pulls out the first of it’s comfy tricks;

the main character does not succeed at their goal they had set and worked towards, and it results in an uncomfortable situation for the rest of the cast. Aoi is unable to handle such a difficult climb, and her friends complete the climb without her, and it pretty much destroys her for a good amount of episodes. Despite definitely being a comfy show, there are a few stretches of episodes in which things are not going well for the cast, and the slow paced scenery viewing takes on a more comber, pensive purpose. After failing at her hobby for the first time, Aoi falls pretty hard back into her original disinterested state of being, and it seems like a lot of her character falls apart. It takes the intervention of Hinata again to reinvigorate her by taking her to the first mountain they climbed, showing Aoi that she has still grown a lot, and that she will improve more with time.

From that point till the end of season 2 (including the movie) the driving idea of the show becomes memories, and how the vague and heart-shaking feeling of nostalgia can be helpful in unpleasant times. The two main girls recall things that occurred when they were childhood friends, like times they were scarred and depended on each other, or a camping trip they took when they were children, and use those memories to fuel further bonding and growth. Even the two secondary girls use memories to reconnect with their friends and families, and it’s a very strong concept to roll with for the slow, one step at a time type of show it is. The season ends with all 4 girls better than ever, and flexing their friendship muscle by making friends with a stubbornly shy mountain climber that parallels Aoi’s original state, and shows her new understanding that having a friend that shares your hobby will always lead to both of your lives being better.

While the first episode is almost entirely about Aoi and Hinata being friends, the second season continues to introduce more characters that Aoi interacts with as she grows more socially capable, with her even getting a job to support her hobby. This shift away from the relationship between the two girls is then made into a proper topic in the third season, where Aoi is pushed to gain even more friends and do things completely separate from Hinata and mountain climbing. This is when the other comfy trick comes out;

The secondary protagonist, Hinata, becomes upset that the Aoi has grown to have more friends and be less dependent on Hinata, and begins to make poor decisions that further put strain on their relationship over most of the season. 

“wow two characters misunderstand each other and it creates drama!!!” isn’t exactly a mind blowing thing for an anime to do, but whenever any problems came up in the first two seasons, they were handled fairly quickly, rarely ever lasting more than one episode, and usually handled with pretty open, mature conversations that you would expect two friends to actually have instead of just being pissed at each other for a few weeks. So when Hinata does not make any attempt to be open about her feelings, and Aoi is unable to grasp the situation, it creates a justified stretch of drama. I really do mean it when i say most of the season is about this, like pretty much from episode 3 till 12 it’s just a constantly building frustration with a lot behind it, and when they finally can have a simple, honest conversation, it really feels nice.

After that there’s one final episode with a more expected case of the two not understanding one another, and having an honest conversation about it. This specific case is a good capstone to the series, as they discuss how you really don’t know much about even your best friends, but talking about each other honestly, and desiring to know more about each other is where a lot of the fun in friends is. 

With that, the series is done for now, but who knows where it’ll go from here. I heard a lot of good about season 3 as it was coming out, and still see a good amount of support for it, and season 3 ends with “See you again” as opposed to “The end” like the other two season. I’m not gonna get my hopes up cus there’s already a lot there and they explore 3 very important ideals that really resonate with me. But if they could make a fourth season that brings in an entirely knew concept to look at, I’d be really happy. 

Anyway if you read all that and still haven’t decided then just go fucking watch some Yama no Susume, see if i care.

THE GURREN LAGANN PART

Ye how about a complete tonal shift from comfy anime to loud action stuff?

SO i saw Promare finally after missing a bunch of chances to see it, and honestly I don’t have all that much to say about it. Despite being 2 hours it felt really short and like I got no time with the characters, and they were all pretty shallow characters that I didn’t really have any attachment to even on a surface level. Near the end there’s a big drill and a mech with a face on its chest with absolutely no reason or explanation, and because of that I came out of the theater really just thinking “i really want to rewatch gurren lagann” instead of caring that much about promare.

Now I’m rewatching it for probably the 8th time and it really impresses me how much more I like it each time. When i was a stupid baby and watched it for the first time i did what a lot of stupid kids did, watched for a while, really liked kamina, and stopped watching when the he was gone. Obviously I’ve watched it fully many times since then, and while younger me probably would have loved the second half, where simon fills the role kamina did, the me of today really doesn’t care for the second half that much, and I find myself watching just the first half of the show and stopping, or watching the second movie instead of the tv version. The first half of the series is just really strong to me, so I’m just gonna talk about that a little bit and then go to bed I guess.

The art and sound is so fucking good in gurren lagann holy shit. Everything is so springy and malleable, and the mechs are just really big people who are equally malleable and expressive. The characters are all unique and fun, even random background characters in the villages are strong. The use of that very specific light green color that spiral energy has begins with this show, and trigger would forever try and fail to use it as well as gurren lagann did, though LWA uses it pretty well. Every little thing feels so right that I’m just amazed the show keeps up such quality for the whole first half...

EXCEPT THAT ONE EPISODE WHERE IT FUCKING DOESN’T

Along with always assuming gurren lagann isn’t as good as I remember, I also somehow manage to forgot how absolutely miserable the fourth episode is. Not to say that i forget it’s bad at all, i couldn’t forget that episode 4 sticks out as a really not good episode and bring it up as a weird point of contention for the series, but watching it again it’s really baffling how awful it is.

The visuals just fall apart, the shots are lazy and don’t read well, the animation is choppy and unpleasant, the characters look really stupid, and the newly introduced characters never get any proper cuts to introduce themselves with and make a good impression. The voice actors also don’t seem quite as into it as with the other episodes, presumably because they had to watch episode 4 while voicing it, and couldn’t feel the same energy the rest of the show has. 

I can really only assume it was an outsourced episode or something to that effect, and near the end, when gurren laganns absolutely kino combination cuts that would be reused for the next few episodes are first shown, it becomes even more jarring how bad the fight afterwards looks, and how bad the episode is in general. It’s a shame that such a good show has to have such a sudden and massive drop in quality, but it’s interesting in it’s own way.

KAMINA THOUGH

While i did say i’m not as into the kind of character simon becomes in the second half, kamina himself is still undeniably a strong character, and I always appreciate how dopey and unmanly his face is despite being the embodiment of excessive fighting spirit, rash thinking, and unapologetic horniness.

Another strong kamina related thing that always hits me right in the feels is the episode titles, which for the first 8 episodes, are all lines that Simon hears kamina say at some point, which comes is used as a really strong twist, when in episode 8, kamina’s last words are used as the episode title, and not presented as the title until the viewer already knows the meaning of those last few words. From there the episode titles become things Nia says until episode 15 where simon is finally able to step up to his destiny and say his own damn episode title, but Kamina really does get the most out of such a simple concept.

Related to Kamina, I really enjoy how the very very first part of the show sets up episode 8′s strength even more. Besides being a really weird segment where simons voice and design are kind of off and dai gurren’s design isn’t quite finished and also boota is a dude, it sets up the concept of “The man who has yet to realize his own destiny” before introducing simon. The show doesn’t do anything to hide the fact that this “man” is simon, but also never clearly states it, so it’s not hard to understand people who gravitated towards kamina more and assumed that kamina would have a great destiny. Many episodes began or ended with a statement from the narrator saying that “the man” still was not aware of his own destiny, until episode 8, where the narrator claims  “Now the man will realize his destiny”, and before the episode is over, Kamina is gone, and without every stating it, the identity of “the man” becomes clear in a rather brutal process of elimination. Another minor aspect to how gurren lagann builds itself up so well.

Only other thing i really have to say about it is I still really appreciate stories where the protagonist steals things from the villains to grow stronger, or just generally makes use of things his enemies used, creating their own style out of disparate pieces. I hope to make a strong case for that kind of stuff when I can finish more of my comic. Read my comic.

And, as always, if you read all this shit you’re cool and we can be friends. We won’t be, but we could be, and that’s nice to think about sometimes. Have a wonderful night.

[yourmomswallet]

Kabe-don Kiryu

I know this didn’t take place until Yakuza 6, but just suspend your disbelief for a while. I thought this was cute! We all need a cuddle with Kiryu. Also, this is set a while after reader and Kiryu are together.

“Taru-chan?” She steps back, and then further back, eyes wide with confusion while scanning the man. Her bags in her hands threatened to fall off her fingers, unknowingly collecting rainwater.

“Were you hoping for someone else, Arii-chan?”

“B-But, I thought you were leaving for college.” The young girl’s eyes darted to the man’s wet, smiling face, scared to look away in fear of him being a mirage.

“Ah, you should know better. I could never leave without my only true love,” he scolds her playfully, a hand resting gently on her shoulder, thumb massaging her skin through her now translucent shirt.

“Oh, you little- You should be thousands of kilometers away from here by now. I can’t believe you would trick me like this. I’ve loved you for years and then you tell me you’re leaving. I spent days and days arguing with myself about my feelings about you. I tried to convince myself this would be good for me, but y-you! You just... won’t leave!” Bags follow the hands that push Taruho’s chest.

His smile slides down his face with raindrops, eyebrows furrowed. He knows she won’t listen to him in this state. He has to do something quick, or she’ll be gone, out of his life before he can even finish blinking.

SLAM!

Taruho’s left arm forces its way next to Arii’s head, stopping her yelling at him. She blushes when he leans towards her left ear, warm words contrasting the cold water on her skin.

“I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through, but I’m here now. I can’t promise I can fix the past, but I know I have what it takes to stay in your future. I-If you let me…”

He backs up enough to see her face, not red anymore, but eyes filled with tears.

“Now, don’t tell me you’re crying over me. You were just angry!”

“S-Shut up! I-It… It’s just the rain!” Her words are betrayed by the tight embrace she pulls her childhood love into, bags falling onto the ground. Her hands held onto her arms to tighten around his torso, afraid he’d drip down the storm drain with the rain.

Taruho’s surprise morphs into gaiety, and he returns her hug by grasping her tightly in his arms.

“Hmmm. I love you, too, my Arii-chan.”

‘Oh Junta, you kabe-don prince, you,’ you think to yourself while sighing.

The little stuffed cat in your arms is being strangled with your arms, putting him into a headlock. Your uncontrollable smile is hidden in the fairly large stuffed animal. Daryl was a gift from one of your many dates with Kiryu. Just thinking about the handsome man made you warm inside. You could never get enough sappy, sticky romance in your life. A small binge of sappy, romantic dramas on a work night was just what you needed to soothe your after work stress. Happy endings and the perfect one. Ah, true love.

RING RING

And that was yours on the phone.

You situate Daryl on the couch and turn down the television. Shuffling over to the phone was quite the challenge, what with the numerous piles of blankets on your body. You had on a thin shirt that you received from work and pajama shorts. The floor was cold on your bare feet, making you wish you had bought tatami mats. Curse your small budget at the time.

“Hello?”

“It’s me.” His voice is honey, dripping out of the phone to your ear. That could only be one person. Giggling, you answer back.

“Of course it is. How silly of me to not know. What’s up?” You tuck the phone in between your head and shoulder while pulling the blankets around you tighter. You weren’t sure if it was the floor or Kiryu giving you the chills.

“I just wanted to see if you were busy right now. And if I could… come over?”

“Well, if you want to watch some cheesy romantic dramas, come swing by. Just make sure to bring some tissues. I can’t share mine.” You joke around with him, hearing his deep chuckle that never fails to warm your body up. Your fingers end up wrapped in the phone cord, twirling as you smile because of him.

“That sounds fine with me. Just give me a few minutes to get over there. Make sure there are enough blankets for me.”

“Can’t promise anything. Worst case scenario, you’ll have to cuddle up with me. I don’t know how you’ll ever cope with that.” You roll your eyes but can already feel his warm body against yours.

“I’ve done it before. I’m not afraid to do it again.”

“Just get down here so I can cuddle, Ladykiller.”

“Okay. See you then.” You can hear the smile in his voice. You’re sure he could hear yours, too.

You hang up and shuffle to the kitchen after discarding your mountain of blankets on the small sofa that somehow fit both you and the large man at the same time. Taking your time traversing the small space to your kitchen, you reminisce about the multiple dates you’ve gone on with the intimidating man. Cat cafes, arcade raids, and simple homemade dinners, courtesy of yourself. It all made your relationship grow stronger in the time you knew him. Of course, you knew you both were away from each other most of the time because of your jobs, but what could you say? Absence makes the heart grow fonder.

But at the same time, not just the heart. Your need for him grew with the amount of time you spent with and without him. His warm hands always found their way on some part of your body. You never could resist laying your head upon his shoulder or lap. Never too much in public, but when alone, you both couldn’t keep your hands off each other. Physical contact was something you found he always wanted from you. It wasn’t your place to ask about his past, but it was as if he was deprived of reassurance through hand holding and hugs. It made no sense to you, your previous relationships never felt as strong as this one. Perhaps there was a red string between you two, constantly pulling you tighter and tighter together.

By the time you snapped out of your thoughts, the water was boiling over on the small stove. Quickly, you remove the pot to empty the water into the two prepared cups with tea and sugar inside. It wouldn’t be long until he would be at your door. You know Kiryu naturally walks with a long stride, making keeping up with him a small struggle. But it did help when you wanted him over right then and there. He never complained when you asked him to visit for a while after work, even if he was tired. His body felt lighter and more alive when he was in your presence.

You set the cups down onto the bright coasters on the side table. The television catches your eye, a new drama popping up on the screen. A few solid knocks pull you out of the movie’s intro.

Reaching the door, your toes lift your body up to look through the peephole and you see Kiryu looking around, waiting patiently for you to answer the door. Again with the white and orange ensemble. You feel like a teenager again, feet unable to stop moving and hands fidgeting with the door’s lock and knob so as to let him in as quickly as possible.

Kiryu’s head turns at the noise you’re making and he sees expectant eyes looking up at him. You’re balancing on your toes to try to kiss his cheek. He leans down to make your lips meet his face. You laugh with him and open the door a bit more.

“Come on! Get inside! We have true love to find.”

“Haven’t I already found it?”

He knows just how to make you melt.

A small blush appears on your cheeks, making you hurry to usher him inside the door so he can’t have a chance to see your face clearly. He toes his shoes off while watching you lock the door. Taking his suit jacket off, he hangs it on one of the wooden wall hooks. He doesn’t get to comment on your face as your feet sound off that you’re on the way to the kitchen.

Snacks are essential.

“Please, make yourself at home. I forgot to get snacks!”

He looks around the small living space to find your many blankets in a pile on the couch. He never knew why it was so cold in your apartment, but he knew you liked the excuse to always need to cuddle up to him constantly. He didn’t mind, he welcomed you when you reached out for him.

Kiryu sits on the small couch and takes one of the thicker blankets to cover up with. He has no idea what you’ve planned for him, but he feels slightly bad for coming at such short notice. Little did he know, you didn’t mind; in fact, you wish he came over more often. Just having him in your apartment made you feel giddy and fluttery inside. After all these months together, you still weren’t able to get rid of them.

You walk over to the couch and sit the small bag of popcorn on his lap, as well as the remote. You pick up some of the blankets, spread them, and sit down with them on top of your body. Kiryu ends up with your head on his shoulder, his hand reaching down to grab some popcorn.

“Toss one to me!” You open your mouth as wide as possible to ensure popcorn entrance. He picks out a puff. He doesn’t throw it at your open mouth but places it in. You look at him with a “seriously?” look. You could totally catch one.

“What movie did you pick?” He takes another piece of popcorn to eat and one for you, too.

“The one that just popped up looks alright. I haven’t seen it before,” you say between crunches.

“Then this will be a first for both of us.”

The drama ends up keeping you up later than you would have liked. It was quite the tear-jerker. You had your own giant tissue with you, decorated in an orange dress shirt. Kiryu finally wrapped his arm around your burrito like body, blankets and all. Shuffling in your blanket, you wiggle your arms out and readjust to be able to hug his torso.

“It’s getting late, y’know? Do you wanna maybe… stay over?”

He puts his hand on his chin, stroking the smooth skin.

“Hmmmm… I’ll have to think about it.”

Your hand finds his stomach and slaps him lightly.

“You’re an ass.”

“I’m your ass, right?”

“Hmmm... I'll have to think about it.” You mock his voice and hand movements from before.

He laughs and pulls you into his lap. You wiggle about to stand up. As you shake the blankets off your body, you reach to Kiryu and grab his hands. Whether he was being an even bigger ass or you needed to work out a bit more, you weren’t able to lift him off of the couch.

“Come on, get up.” You struggle to speak while trying to pull him up. He seems amused with the situation, a small smile on his face and eyes lighting up at your actions.

Just one tug is all it takes for you to topple upon him. He slips his arms around you as you let out an “oof” sound. You lay there together for a while, listening to each other breathe.

Looking at the clock, you see it’s past 11.

“Okay, now we really have to get up. Bedtime, big guy!”

You both start to fold the blankets up, laying them on the couch in a messy pile. You grab the two mugs of cold, untouched tea and ask him to take the bag of popcorn to the kitchen with you.

Setting the cups on the counter, you wonder if you should pour them out or warm them up later. You’re brought out of your thoughts as two warm arms wrap around your abdomen. Kiryu’s head finds yours to rest upon and you lean back into him, hands finding his. You look up at him to see him smiling at you, eyes shining with adoration.

“My little Ladykiller-chan!” You spin around in his arms, latching onto him. Your face squished into his chest.

‘What firm boobies!’ You blush a little at the thought of his bare chest and giggle.

“I can’t help but be reminded of someone else when you say that...” he trails off and looks into the distance.

You jerk your head away from his chest, but his arms kept you from completely detaching your body from his.

“I hope no one is calling you Ladykiller, too! Otherwise, I’d have to beat them up.”

“Sure you would.”

“Are you saying I’m not strong? Do you wanna go?” Kiryu releases you from his hold as you start to shuffle and bounce around as if you were in a boxing ring, fists in front of your face.

You try to look tough but the ridiculousness of your motions and the look on Kiryu’s face makes you break character. You carry on with your motions and start to jab your fists out towards his body, feet shuffling to move you around his body. Kiryu’s arms raise in a sign of surrender. Unbeknownst to you, he’s slowing walking towards you to back you up into the wall as you carry on with your antics.

“Who’s the tough one now, huh Ladykiller? Hmmm?”

SLAM

Your back hits the wall, and you’re startled by Kiryu smacking his left hand on the wall next to your head. Your forearms come up to cover your face. When you peek through them, you see mischievous eyes and a smirk staring back at you.

‘Oh, shit. I can’t not fuck him!’ You blush comes back ten times worse. Sign you up as scared and horny.

“Nothing to say? I’m surprised.” His right hand cups your cheek, leading you to look at him.

Kiryu and his stupid handsome sparkling grin.

“I- I didn’t- urgh... you can’t-” Your words are cut off by you stuffing your head in his chest, arms holding onto him tight.

“Come on, let’s get to bed. We don’t have to fall asleep just yet.”

[cobythinks]

Worry and Hate

Beautifully Broken AU Part Ten

So remember last time I posted when I apologized it took so long? 

I’m sorry this one took so long. Lol, I’m basically the worst and I’m sorry about that, haha. Here’s this part anyway! The other parts are on the MASTERLIST you can find at that link and also on my blog!

Once again, I am not a doctor and all I know about this stuff is from research online! So!!! Please correct me if I get something wrong so I can fix it! Thank!

Warnings: injury, not taking care of oneself, blaming oneself, being lectured by a parent, wheelchair, Roman Is Sad, implied racism (very vague and barely mentioned), nightmare, PTSD, self-deprecation, feeling like a failure, food mentions.

Most will be below the cut with the taglist, let me know if you want to be tagged!!

“You should have told us it was hurting,” Amber said, pacing back and forth in the living room. Roman sighed, staring up at the ceiling. “We just talked about how important your knee is, you shouldn’t have even tried to walk home yesterday what were you thinking? And you lied to us? Roman, do you know how lucky we are that it was only overexertion? What if something had really gone wrong, you could have needed surgery again.”

“Amber,” Hazel spoke up softly. Amber stopped pacing and looked over at them. Roman kept staring steadfastly at the ceiling, not wanting to see her disappointment.

“I’m just worried.” Amber sighed, collapsing into a chair. “I don’t want you to get hurt, Roman.”

“I’m sorry,” Roman mumbled.

“It’s alright.” Hazel sighed. “Dr. Connor just wants you to take it easy and stay off the leg for a few days.” Roman made a face and pulled a couch pillow over his head. “Roman.”

“I hate the wheelchair,” Roman said, voice muffled. “I can’t even use it by myself because of my arm, what am I supposed to do?”

“Your teachers said they’d help you catch up,” Amber said gently. “You can binge-watch Disney movies or something.” Roman didn’t answer, just mashed the pillow harder against his face. Hazel sighed and pulled the pillow away from him, eyebrows raised. She opened her mouth to speak but was interrupted when the doorbell rang. Amber stood up.

“We didn’t order the pizza yet, right?” She asked as she walked over. Hazel shook her head, putting the pillow under Roman’s head. Roman sighed and stared at the ceiling. He should have had them take him to his room, it’d be way-

“Hi, Mrs. Prince!” It was Patton. Roman grabbed another pillow and pulled it over himself. “Is Roman here?”

“Well hey, guys,” Amber said, sounding amused. “He is.”

“Is he okay?” That was Virgil’s voice. How many of them were here?

“Wanna come in? He’s in the living room with Hazel?” Roman groaned into the pillow, wishing he had his other arm to grab a second one.

“Well hi there, Patton,” Hazel said cheerfully. “You must be Virgil and Logan?”

“Nice to meet you.” Logan said. Hazel pulled the pillow off of Roman’s face and he sighed, avoiding all their eyes.

“What, Roman hasn’t talked about me?” Dennis asked unhappily.

“Oh calm down.” Virgil snapped. “Roman, I’m really sorry. I didn’t-”

“Why are you sorry?” Roman asked irritably, finally turning to look at them. “You weren’t the dumbass who hit me with a car.”

“Roman!” Hazel frowned. “Please.” Roman ignored her and looked at Virgil.

“I tripped you! You fell because of me, and-”

“No you didn’t.” Roman sat up awkwardly, shaking his head. “I screwed my knee up way before I even got to school.”

“...oh. But I thought…”

“See?” Patton hugged Virgil cheerfully. “I told you he’d be fine.”

“We’ll let you guys hang out.” Hazel said, moving from her spot on the couch. “Do you guys want to stay for pizza?” Roman sighed, rubbing his eyes as Amber and Hazel left to the kitchen.

“I really am sorry,” Virgil mumbled.

“It’s not your fault,” Roman repeated as Patton took Hazels seat and the others all found a place on the floor or other couch. “Why’d you guys all come over here?”

“We were worried about you!” Patton pouted. 

“And I got all your homework.” Dennis said, pulling out a wad of papers. “Your math teacher is a jerk.”

“How do you know what classes I take?” Roman asked, accepting the stack and looking at them.

“He won’t tell us,” Logan said. Dennis shrugged.

“I gotta keep some secrets to myself.”

“You’re no good at secrets.” Virgil informed him, still watching Roman worriedly. Roman sighed. This is exactly what he was worried about. Now they all thought he was more fragile than he actually was, and they’d only ever see him like that. Awesome.

“Virgil, listen.” Roman leaned over Patton to grab the papers and diagrams Dr. Connors had given them. “This is my leg.” he held an X-ray in front of his friends face. “The patella and femur broke in the accident, and I have a bunch of metal and stuff in there keeping it together.”

“Wh-” Roman didn’t let Virgil speak, just kept talking.

“I’m only supposed to walk a certain amount every day right now. Usually I use that mostly at school, and on weekends I walk at the park. Yesterday I walked over twice as much as I’m supposed to, and my knee wasn’t ready.” Roman’s throat was tightening as he tried not to start crying again. He really didn’t need that right now.

“Roman-”

“I’m a stubborn idiot,” Roman continued. “So I didn’t tell anyone my leg was hurt and I didn’t take it easy. Then I went to step over you, and that was it. If you weren’t on the floor, it could have happened at any moment anywhere today. Alright? It’s not your fault.”

“I’m sorry,” Virgil mumbled, burying his head in his hands. Roman sighed, dropping the papers onto the coffee table. 

“Roman is right,” Logan said slowly, glancing between Roman and Virgil. Virgil scowled. “perhaps it’s a good thing it happened like it did, using his leg longer may have made it worse.”

“Why don’t we talk about something else?” Patton suggested. “Something nice!”

“Like what?”

“Uh….” Patton bit his lip and smiled. “The fact that both Dennis and Virgil got parts in the play!! We found out before school and didn’t get to tell you!” Roman beamed, glad to distract himself like Patton had intended.

“Really? Guys, that’s awesome! What about you, Patt?”

“Well,” Patton shrugged. “I’m just in ensemble again, but that’s fine! I’ll be the best background character ever!”

“I’m proud of you for getting a part, Virge!” Roman said, turning to beam at his friend. Virgil only seemed more distressed. “Virgil?”

“I can’t believe I got an important part, my audition wasn’t nearly as good as Pattons! What if I mess up and can’t do it? What if I have an anxiety attack or something during the show? Why on earth would the director cast me if she knows I’m not reliable?” Roman glanced between Virgil and Dennis, not voicing what he’d noticed at the auditions.

“Awe, you’ll do amazing!” Patton insisted. “We’ll help you practice!”

“Is that why you were in sweater town?” Roman realized. “This has not been your day my friend.”

“Then we better carpe diem it before something else happens.” Dennis declared, jumping to his feet. “What do you do for fun around here?”

“Football.” Roman said. Virgil smirked, hiding his smile under his hands. The other three sat in confused silence for a moment before Dennis turned and examined the movie shelf.

“You have a lot of Disney movies.”

“I have all of them,” Roman said proudly, sitting up a bit straighter. “They’re organized in order of release dates. The top is oldest and the bottom is newest.”

“Wow, you love Disney, huh?” Patton giggled. Roman nodded.

“I’m pretty sure I watched Aladdin a million times this summer.” He agreed. “What do you guys want to watch? If it’s Disney, we have it. We have some Dreamworks and other movies, too, but they’re not on the Disney wall.” The ‘Disney Wall’ had been one of the first things Amber and Hazel put together when they moved after the accident.

“Are you guys staying for Pizza?” Hazel asked, poking her head out. “What kind?”

“Do you want us to stay?” Logan asked, adjusting his glasses to look at Roman. Roman nodded as Dennis pulled Sleeping Beauty from the shelf and examined the cover.

“Pepperoni!” Patton cheered, throwing his hands in the air. No one else suggested a kind of pizza, as Dennis was still reading the cover to Sleeping Beauty and Logan and Virgil were in some kind of staring contest.

“Pepperoni it is, I guess.” Hazel laughed, going back to the kitchen.

“We’re watching this!” Dennis announced, kneeling in front of the tv. “Is it okay if I just put it in?”

“I don’t think Hazel would be happy if I got up and tried.” Roman said, shrugging.

“Stay on that couch!” Hazel called from the kitchen. Roman waved his hand in acknowledgment, Patton giggled.

“I haven’t seen this one before,” Dennis confessed as he sat with his back against the couch. Roman gasped dramatically.

“What? That’s it, you’re legally required to stay here until the movie ends.” he declared. “Sleeping Beauty was my childhood!”

“Whatever you say, Prince Roman.” Dennis jokingly saluted. Roman rolled his eyes and leaned back against the cushions, wondering how on earth he’d made it through that conversation, how he hadn’t completely fallen apart. He glanced around at the others, hiding a small smile. It really had been a while since he had good friends.

0-0-0-0-0-0-0

Roman bolted upright, eyes snapping open to show his dark bedroom, just the same as he’d left it when he fell asleep. Roman sighed and shook his head. Nightmares. He couldn't remember exactly what it had been about, but he knew Dennis and Patton had been there. Virgil, maybe. It wasn’t a nightmare about the accident. It had just been unsettling, and he had no idea why.

Roman sighed in annoyance when he realized the compression sock he had to wear again had come off while he slept. He hated it, he really did. He hated every piece of his ‘recovery’. He was only recovering at all because of that stupid drunk driver. He pulled the sock back on, then flopped backward to stare at the ceiling. What about the dream had unsettled him so much? He couldn't remember anything about it, he just knew it had been awful.

And why were his friends in the dream? What did they have to do with this uneasy feeling? Ugh, he just wanted to get a good night's sleep for once. Was that so much to ask? Roman pulled a pillow from where it had fallen to the side and put it over his head, hoping it would help. It didn’t. It just made him anxious about suffocating - which hadn’t happened for a while now either. Why was he getting so paranoid now?

Roman sat up again and glared at the wheelchair sitting next to his bed. He hated it, but he’d managed to limp it through the hallway with his one arm. He knew Hazel and Amber had hated letting him do that, so why did he insist on it? Hadn’t he been trying to make them feel better this whole freaking time? He hated making them worry after everything.

What was he doing? Roman let out a slow breath, looking around his room again. What did he expect to happen by not taking care of himself? It would just make everyone more upset. He flopped back down onto his pillows, blinking back tears. He hated this.

my poor boi. why do I hurt you so much? I’m sorry.

BB AU Taglist:

@a-demonic-presence @deathshadowrules, @enbyamy, @ninja-wizard101, @sizzlingfacedonut, @mirror2thespirit, @nottodaylogic, @fanders-art, @livnlavidaloki, @imtooaromanticforthis

I think that’s everyone! If you want to be tagged, send me an ask and I’ll add you! ^-^ Also, if you have any questions about the AU I’d love to answer!!!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #291

“clothes trailing from the backdoor, to the bedroom, and i don’t even know your name.”

What was the last health scare you had? So I got blood tests done recently to check multiple things, and I got pretty nervous when my doctor stood beside me going through the numbers and what they meant. I was afraid she was going to tell me I had diabetes (runs in the fam, and my diet hadn't been great) or something, but I was fine. What is your favorite food to cook? Something in the microwave lmao. Do you listen to bluegrass music? Ew. What was the last novel you read about? Well it' s part of a series so it'd be hard to explain briefly... but dragons. That'll do ig, lol. If there is a tree right outside your window, what kind is it? There's a small one. Idk what it is. What is your favorite filling for a piece of chocolate? Caramel. What is your favorite thing to draw? If you take a look at my work history... I apparently love drawing meerkats screaming for one reason or another lmao. Do you like abstract art? Not very much. There are of course exceptions to this, but it's definitely not my favorite and sometimes doesn't even feel like "art" to me. Would you ever want to be a painter? No. My Painting course in school taught me it's too damn stressful, the idea of messing up. Even though it's technically fixable. There's just a lot about painting I don't like. I'd much rather draw and color traditionally. What is your passion? Some of my biggest consists of gay rights (or really just equal rights as a whole), meerkats, pacifism, photography, just art in general, stuff like that. I feel things very deeply, so there's really a lot. What fascinates you? NATURE!!!!!!! SO MUCH ABOUT IT!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Do you have art on your walls? In my room, I have three of my meerkat projects on the wall with my meerkat collection, and my Pyramid Head/Halo of the Sun overlap drawing is with my Silent Hill stuff. What kind of collection would you like to start? I have a decent amount of stuff, but I really would love to pump up my SH collection. It has SO much merch that I would die for, stuff is just mad expensive. If I was to start a new collection, bitch I need Markiplier stuff so bad, I'm too awkward to ask for that shit for holidays 'n stuff. ;;_;; Do you enjoy the sound of birds chirping? I sure do. If you had the money, would you travel the world? I feel like I'd go to less locations than most people you could ask this question, but I'd definitely go places, yeah. If you could travel the world, which country would you want to go to first? South Africa. Make my meerkat dreams come true. :') Do you get drunk? I haven't before, and I don't actually aim to when I drink (which is very rare) and I'm apparently no lightweight, so I doubt I ever will. Don't feel like I'm missing out, honestly. Do you get high? Nah. Have you ever used a prescription medication to get high? No. Does sunlight make you happier? Guys. This is science. I used to hate the sun so much, but it's good for you. Open your windows on a clear day; your body will thank you. It takes getting used to, but please, don't coop yourself up in the dark. Do you live a boring life? My life is excruciatingly boring. Like not to sound depressing, but half the time I wish I wasn't even alive because I'm so bored lmao. Have you ever gotten soap in your mouth for cursing? Do you think that’s right to do to kids who curse? No, but it's been threatened upon me. I don't support it, no, but then again I don't believe in traditional "profanity." My hypothetical four-year-old could say "that fucking hurt" in our own household, and just a simple word indicating (s)he was really in pain wouldn't faze me for a blink. I do believe out of respect though, that you should educate your children when "profanity" isn't allowed, like in school and such. You don't shove potentially toxic shit into your kid's mouth to teach them something. What age do you think is appropriate for kids to start watching horror movies with lots of gore? This definitely depends on the child. Are they spooked easily? How mature are they? Do they understand what's not to be replicated? It would vary with the film, too. Do you have any wind chimes outside your house? How many? No, but I'd love to. Wind chimes are great. Do you have a flat stomach? Would you ever wear a belly shirt to show it off? I hate my stomach more than I do any other part of my body, so guess. Would you ever get a sleeve or a half sleeve on your arm (we’re talking about tattoos)? omfg hell YES Do you think your biological parents love each other? They're long-divorced and Dad's been remarried for a long time while Mom only has negative shit to say about him, so like... What's one movie you’re dying to see but haven’t had the chance to see yet? *Dying* to, I don't know if one exists. Birds of Prey probably tops my want-to-see list, though. Harley moving past Joker? Girl you fuckin go ilu. What’s the biggest promise someone’s ever made to you? Did they keep it? To never leave me because of my illnesses. Nope, he sure didn't. Does thunder & storms scare you? Nah, not usually. It's funny, I was TERRIFIED of them as a kid, especially if I wasn't with my mom, but now I find them beautiful and sometimes even relaxing. Now, wind, I fucking hate wind. I associate bad winds with tornadoes, so fuck outta here w/ that. Google, Bing, or Yahoo? Google. Do you sing in front of people? NO. Who are you the most uncomfortable around? Groups of older men. Are your parents overprotective? No. A recent creation that you’re proud of? I took family pictures for a repeat client recently, and I'm really happy with how some came out. Who’s your favorite comedian? Living, I'm unsure. It was John Pinette. What makes you squeamish? Vomit and fecal matter top the list. Do you have any online friends that you wanna keep, but not meet? Maybe a couple that I don't know too well? Should cloning ever be allowed to happen? No. I see a lot of potential problems with that should it become a serious thing. Who would you live with if you got kicked out tomorrow? Probably my dad. What’s a pet your parents never let you have when you were a kid? A snake. I was eventually allowed though obviously, and now Mom loves Venus, though she won't hold her. Who do you wish you could change, if anyone? It's not my job to change anyone else. You have to want to change. Has your house ever been broken into? No, but my childhood home almost was by a gang. My older sister and her best friend were home alone at the time. Thank fuck they didn't get in, but they left a gang flag on our porch. Would you consider yourself a good flirt? I have no idea. What color do you wear most often? You mean to tell me black isn't the only primary color in people's wardrobes? Do you like your hair? Disregarding the fact it gets oily way too fast, yes. Have you ever driven while under the influence? No, I would absolutely never. Did you enjoy your last kiss? Yeah. Would you ever take boudoir photos for a significant other? (or have you?) Considering I literally love boudoir, I would if I didn't hate the fuck outta my body and would be too embarrassed to ever do it. What is your biggest guilty pleasure? Maybe makeup guru channels lmaooo. What is a movie that you thought you would hate but actually ending up enjoying? I'm unsure. I don't really go into watching a movie I think I'll hate, especially when I watch so few movies to begin with. Do you like where you live? I'm not a fan of the suburbs, but it's a better place than where we were. Are you a jealous person? I'm learning that apparently I might be, at least sometimes. Is there anyone you want to fix things with? There are a few. Last time you walked further than a block? I couldn't tell you. I walk a few feet (that's not an exaggeration) and am in pain because of the muscle atrophy in my legs. Is it easy for you to accept loss? NO. NUH-UH. NOPE. Do you get dessert normally while out to eat? No. Who was your first kiss? Jason, my first "real" boyfriend. Have you ever found a stray dog & found its owners? Not that I recall. Would you ever tell your mom about the things you’ve done sexually? Not everything, no. When was the last time you told someone you love them? Last night. Who was the last person you talked to last night in person before bed? Ma. When was the last time that you were genuinely happy? Good damn question. Have you ever dyed your hair? Plenty of times. Have you ever fallen asleep with the last person you kissed? Yeah. When was the last time you changed in front of someone? I don't know; when you hate your body enough, you'll do a lot to avoid that. Last person you kissed, have you cried in front of them? Yes. Ever dated someone who was gorgeous but they had a conceited personality? No. A conceited asshole is the last kind of person I'm dating. Would you prefer a kiss on the cheek or neck? Well I mean what's the vibe lmao Do you like to cuddle? Yeah, if we're a close couple and it's not too hot. Have you ever suspected anyone of cheating on you? Nah. Could you ever be friends with the person who hurt you most in life? I wish we could, but even if he was willing, I don't think "friendship" is possible between us. What is something “cheesy” that you own? Ha, I have this feminine-looking "she believed she could so she did" wall decor thing... I can't remember if I bought it or if it was gifted. What is something that gets your creative juices flowing? MUSIC!!! What drink are you most likely to order at a bar? Some kind of margarita. What is the most interesting class that you took in high school or college? Mythology, I guess? When was the last time that you’ve ever played Spin the Bottle? I never have to begin with. If you were an adult film star or a stripper, what would your stage name be? I can't even try to entertain this question. Even if I WANTED to be one, I would never be hired. I couldn't seriously think of a name. Have you ever wanted to be a cheerleader? No, not even when I was one as a kid lmao. Have you ever been dumped? What was the reason for it? Yeah. The first one, he couldn't handle my depression anymore. With my last partner, we kinda had a mutual agreement that to save us from potential later heartbreak, we needed to work more on ourselves right now. What was the last R-rated movie you watched? Hm. Idk. Have you ever asked someone out? Yes. Have you ever had lice? No. What is the most childish thing that you still do? I mean, with RP, you could argue that I still "play pretend." Have you ever watched a movie you knew you shouldn’t? As a kid, I'm pretty sure I was not supposed to see whatever Scary Movie film it was when I did, aha. Have you ever wanted to try LARP (Live Action Role-Play)? Nah. I'm awkward enough explaining I just write it. If you could go back in time and erase one thing you said or did, what would it be? The "thanks for sending me to the hospital" message to Jason. Has your boyfriend or girlfriend ever embarrassed you? Jason did before, if we're counting past partners. Have you ever thought about cheating on your partner? I never thought of that in any relationship, no. Have you ever been caught checking someone out? Not to my recollection. Not that I even do that much. Have you ever cried because you missed your parents so much? Oh, absofuckinglutely as a little kid. I had BAD separation anxiety from my mom. Have you ever posted something on social media that you regret? OH BOY HAVE I!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Have you ever ding dong ditched someone? No. Which is worst: Snakes, scorpions, or spiders? I adore snakes. Some spiders scare me, especially if they catch me by surprise. Scorpions aren't native here, so I've actually never come across one, so I'd probably be more curious than frightened. Is there an attic and/or a basement in your house? An attic, yeah. Have you ever been bitten by a tick? Has anyone not? Well, I suppose this depends on your environment. Playing outside in the country as a kid a lot, and especially walking through tall grass to reach fishing spots with Dad, I've had lots. I'm terrified of parasites so those were never fun times. What color is your mom’s car? White. Have you ever had a bird or a squirrel in your house? No. How high off the ground is your bed? The average, ig. What is the cutest breed of dog? That's such a hard question, but I think I tend to lean towards pugs, though I don't support breeding them or any other type that is a medical catastrophe. What is something other people say you’re good at but you think you’re not? Holding a conversation. I call BS. What does your bedside lamp look like? It's a creamy color with a floral design. It was already here at the house when we moved in. Do you like your neighbors? I don't know them. Does your room need to be cleaned? I need to finish decorating it... and dust the dresser. What was the last bug you saw? Ugh, a fucking ant. This house has had an ant problem before, and now they're showing up in my room here and there. Do you place any value in gender roles? Literally zero. Are your platonic relationships just as valuable as romantic or family ones? Well, I suppose it would depend on the person. How strong is that platonic relationship? Are you in love? Do you want to be? I don't think *in* love anymore, no; I reasoned myself out of that. I think most people WANT to be in the name of companionship, and being a pretty hopeless romantic, your wild guess would probably be right. Would you be happy with a life without romance? I'd live. Are you religious? Do you think your religion is ‘correct’? No. If you aren’t religious, do you wish you were? Why? Nope. Religion only ever brought me confusion, pain, and frustration. Are your choices fated or of your own free will? I am very much a believer in free will and that you sculpt your own fate. Was your childhood happy? For the most part. What are you missing from your life? Excitement. Would you fight for your country? Do you feel a sense of loyalty to your nation? No. And if my country did something fucked up, I wouldn't stand with the masses just because I live here. What’s the latest YouTube channel you’ve discovered and binge-watched? Snake Discovery, like, hardcore. Does it snow where you live? Every now and then, but it's super rare for the snow to stick, and it's maybe even rarer that we get a good or fun amount. Do you think your hair looks better long or short? UGGGGHHHHHH I AM SO MUCH HAPPIER W/ SHORT HAIR. Do you enjoy editing photos on your phone? Not really on my phone, no. I don't have good image quality on my phone, so editing tends to make it worse. What’s your favorite thing to do on your phone? Play Pokemon GO if I'm actually in a place with spawns. Which season do you wish would last longer? Sigh, autumn. At least here, the colorful phase is pretty short. It's like... green leaves one day, a beautiful display for a week, then the trees are bare. It's still my favorite season, though. Do you have neat handwriting? Yeah. Did you dream of becoming famous as a kid? Nah. Do you get on Facebook every day? Pretty much. What was your favorite girl group when you were growing up? Spice Girls, duh. Would you ever consider naming a child after a family member? No. I've got nothing against people who do, but I've just never seen the appeal of it at all. I would want my hypothetical child to have their completely own identity.

[startofamoment]

that’s rough, buddy

Jake’s always had a complicated relationship with fire.

(A character study of sorts on firebender!Jake.)

Hi everyone! Welcome to this incredibly self-indulgent thing, in which I mash together my primary obsession of years past with my current reason for living. (Nevermind that they don’t intuitively mesh well. We’re just going to say that Brooklyn is kind of like Korra-era’s Republic City and call it good.)

An anon had asked me ages ago whether I had any headcanons on what type of bender each person in the squad would be. I hadn’t felt inspired to write an actual fic for this AU until the super talented @microfroggo took on my silly pitch to draw our boi Jake as a firebender a couple months ago. Because tumblr is tumblr, I’ll include the relevant links in a separate reblog down below – def check out Mikko’s work if you’re at all interested in getting something done!

PS: I should probably mention that I don’t do very much to explain the Avatar-related side of this AU. If you’re unfamiliar with the animated series, I’d recommend at least skimming through the wiki page so you get a basic understanding on the different forms of bending. (And honestly, if you have time, GO BINGE-WATCH A:TLA! I promise, you won’t regret it.)

PPS: FMA:B fans out there will note that I’ve included a little nod to everyone’s favorite Flame Alchemist… Because, yes, this is definitely just a gratuitous homage to all my hyperfixations. I’m sorry. (Not sorry.)

“That’s it. Use your breath, son.”

Jake inhales deeply then exhales, focusing intently on the small flame between his hands. He’s supposed to be making sure that it doesn’t blaze wildly or just die in the wind.

He’s done this particular exercise a bajillion times now. (Or maybe less – Mrs. Stratton did mention that he needed to work on his math.) Still, his dad says it’s very important to practice his control. Jake supposes that’s fair, given that it’s only been a few months since he nearly singed Nana’s eyebrows off while blowing out the candles on his blue birthday cake.

What he really wants to do is skip forward to launching fire missiles with his fists or propelling himself through the sky on flaming jets, exactly like he’s seen it done in the movies. But his dad says he’s got a long way to go before he can attempt anything more than a basic fire stream, so Jake just nods and does what he’s told. He’ll become a firebending master eventually.

Truthfully, though, Jake thinks that maybe if his dad weren’t working or golfing so much, maybe they’d get to train more often, and maybe he’d be able to progress to something other than breathing.

The funny thing is: when his dad officially walks out of his life, despite all of their training, Jake’s not sure he even still knows how to breathe.

--- 

 His mom’s an airbender, and Nana’s an airbender, and Gina and her mom are airbenders. So Jake wants to be an airbender. (If only it worked that way.) 

He’s unfortunately stuck as a firebender, with no one to teach him how to actually firebend, so he has to resort to copying the Ninja Lion-Turtles on TV. Raphael’s naturally his favorite, although he can’t make heads or tails of how to replicate his fire daggers.

He almost never experiments with bending at home, of course. He’s not the brightest, but he at least knows how dangerous it would be for one of his attempts to go wrong without anyone around to help extinguish the fire. On the rare instance that his mom isn’t at her multiple jobs, she lets him practice while she paints ceramics or cooks. She’s only had to run in with a bucket of water once, but, well– once is enough.

And yes, he could technically be enrolled in lessons… but that would cost money, and Jake would really rather have a full belly than a proper fighting stance. His mom is overworked and overwhelmed as it is; he couldn’t possibly ask her to look into registration fees at the local dojo.

 ---

 Occasionally, when he’s alone in the park with Gina, he’ll run through the few basic exercises he remembers then attempt some fire-jabs and kicks. He’s not supposed to, but he’s fairly certain that nothing will catch on fire in an open field and that, on the off chance that anything does, a patrol officer will handle it. Gina doesn’t mind at all and usually just uses the time to meditate. 

It’s on one particular trip to the park that it happens. He’s not even sure how he does it, just knows that he goes from buzzing from the inside out to shooting electricity from his fingertips. He lifts his hand up in wonder, trying to get a closer glimpse at the little iridescent bolts. He’s so enraptured that he doesn’t realize where his other hand is pointing. He doesn’t see the string of lightning hurtling straight toward his best friend.

Everything turns out fine in the end. The blast wasn’t strong enough – he isn’t strong enough –  to fatally wound her, but Gina still gets brought straight to the hospital.

“I’m okay, Jake,” she insists with a huff, waving off his umpteenth apology. “Besides, I swear I met Raava in the two seconds your lightning hit me. Did you know she’d be ethnically ambiguous? The scrolls have not done her justice at all.”

Jake chuckles, accepting the jello cup she offers him.

For the most part, he’s glad that she’s fine and that she apparently met the Avatar Spirit and that she still likes him enough to give him her dessert.

Deep down, he feels terrible. He’s never going to lightningbend again.

 ---

 Jake had assumed that he’d find his path in college and know what to do by the end of it. Instead, he’s a new graduate back in his childhood bedroom, freeloading off of his mom for as long as she’ll let him. He’s really just coasting through life and going through the motions, aimless.

Eventually, his clarity comes – not in a spark, but in a short-circuit fire erupting just a few houses away. 

He’s woken up by loud sirens blaring and screams echoing in the night. He acts on instinct, running out before remembering to put shoes on and running into the blaze without a second thought. The ground should be blistering hot beneath his feet, but he doesn’t notice at all. He keeps going until he’s parting walls of flames, ushering the family of nonbenders to safety.

In the thick smoke rising from the still-burning house, he sees destruction. In his hands, for the first time in a long time, he sees something good.

He thinks that maybe he should join the local fire department, that he should use his bending to help control and extinguish rogue flames. He thinks about it, and then thinks about it some more, and then figures that he probably wouldn’t enjoy the constant reminder of how devastating fire can be.

Months after mulling over it, he finally comes to a decision: “Mom? I think I’m going to sign up for the police academy.”

“That sounds like a great idea, honey,” she replies, pulling him into a tight embrace. “I’m so proud of you.”

 ---

 It’s rough because all the other trainees have been honing their bending for years, whereas he’d been spending most of his life trying to restrain the inferno inside him.

Most of them laugh; one of them actually slams him against the lockers and calls him a “sorry excuse for a firebender.”

“Don’t mind him,” a voice says. “He wouldn’t know a good bender if the Avatar kicked him straight into the Spirit World.”

Jake looks up from where he’s slumped on the ground and recognizes her as the fierce metalbender no one’s been able to talk to all week. There’s a distinctive scar through her right eyebrow, and he wonders whether it came from a freak accident. (He also wonders how she got into the men’s locker room, or how she knew he needed somebody, anybody.)  

“I’m Rosa,” she says, reaching out a hand to help him up. “Wanna spar?”

 ---

 He gets better. 

He trains with any firebender that’ll take him on, watches instructional videos, goes on Yahoo! Answers… Soon enough, he’s wielding whirling discs and shooting comets of fire like the best of them.

The only thing he doesn’t even consider attempting is lightningbending. At least not until he’s in his thirties, watching wide-eyed as his new captain generates a cracking stream of electricity out of nothing. It’s just strong enough to stun the escaped convict they’ve been tailing, no real damage done.

“You want me to teach you how to lightningbend,” Holt says without preamble the next day.

Jake opens and closes his mouth dumbly, feeling thoroughly seen and not quite knowing how to respond.

“Before anything, Peralta, I should let you know that not everyone is able to manipulate lightning. It takes a different level of power and a certain kind of–”

“I can do it,” he interrupts quickly. “I’ve done it before, sir, when I was a kid. I just don’t know how to control it.”

Holt regards him for a long moment before nodding. “We start at seven tomorrow.”

 ---

 Jake’s always thought that fire meant power and aggression and pursuit. Instead, it’s weakness when he’s face to face with particularly-skilled waterbenders – those who can render him useless, temporarily buried within thick sheets of ice; or who send downpours of unrelenting, freezing rain over his head.

(He thinks, as Amy smirks and bends a rapid torrent of water toward his sternum, flinging him halfway across the training room, that he’s weak for her in a different way.)

 ---

 It had never occurred to him to measure the intensity of his flame. He’s always figured that the fire he produced was hot enough – hot enough to take down perps, hot enough to never turn the heat on in his apartment, hot enough to discreetly keep Amy’s coffee warm throughout the morning. (If she’s noticed him repeatedly finding excuses to pick up her mug, she hasn’t said anything about it.)

Charles, of all people, makes him check. “Hey Jake, do you know if you can keep a flame constant at say 350 to 425 degrees Fahrenheit?”

Jake turns away from his computer screen to look at him, his brow scrunched together in confusion. “Why?”

“I was thinking of doing an open-fire roast for the precinct’s Turkey Day dinner this year.”

“Boyle, you want me to firebend our main course?”

“It would make me so happy.”

Noting zero sarcasm in his response, Jake shrugs then swivels his chair back to his desk. “Okay, yeah– But ask Gina if we can book the training room for this. I’m not firebending a turkey in my apartment.”

 ---

 It turns out that being a walking furnace really does have its perks. Or at least that’s what Jake realizes as Amy burrows into his side, pressing her nose into the crook of his neck.

“You’re warm,” she mumbles sleepily, exhausted from the day’s departmentally-mandated sparring practice and the just-as-steamy bedroom activities that followed.

(It had to have been well over their thousandth time facing off in the precinct gym, both of them familiar enough with each other that they could anticipate nearly all of their attacks… Except he really could never have foreseen Amy’s final move: completely disarming him, not with a tidal wave but with a kiss.)

“Warm?” he scoffs teasingly. “I think you mean hot.”

She groans loudly but cuddles closer to him still, her smile burning against his bare skin.

 ---

 He gets thrown for a loop when their major serial murder case boils down to a ring of firebenders, all stuck in their old way of thinking.  

“You’re not them,” Amy reminds him, running a gentle but steady hand down his back.

I could be, he thinks. Because even now – especially now – in the calm silence of the evidence lockup, he can feel the sheer power thrumming beneath his skin. All it would take is for him to get too angry or too drunk or too anything, and the worst could happen.

“You’re a good person, Jake,” she says, her tone more firm than before. “You always have been.”

He swallows thickly and nods, letting her pull him into a long embrace.

 ---

 If there’s one thing he’s wished he could do with his firebending, it’s healing. He’s watched Amy do it countless of times, stepping up as the precinct’s unofficial healer whenever necessary. He’s felt the soothing power of it himself – cool water coaxing at his skin, repairing everything from a black eye to a bloody nose to a stiff back.

Right now, watching the love of his life start to bleed out before his eyes… He’s never felt more helpless.

“Damn it!” Jake yells, pushing his jacket into her side, willing the bleeding to stop. With the shooter knocked out and cuffed in the corner, he’s finally free to assess the damage. “When is the ambulance going to get there? You need a healer, now! ”

“J-Jake,” she chokes out, bringing a shaky hand to his clenched fist. “F-f-fire c-can cauter-r-rize.”

He lets out a sharp gasp, his eyes wide with shock. “You want me to burn you?!” He shakes his head vehemently. “No, Amy, no. It’s too dangerous. I could kill you–”

“Y-you won’t,” she says, her voice barely above a whisper. The open trust in her eyes makes him want to sob. “Jake.”

“Okay,” he says, wiping hot tears with the back of his hand. “Okay.”

 ---

 “Can you do the twinkling lights again, Uncle Jake? Pleeaaase?”

It’s bedtime at the Jeffords household, and two little girls are decidedly not asleep.

“Please, Uncle Jake? Aunt Amy? One last story and the twinkling lights?”

He meets Amy’s gaze and raises an eyebrow. She shrugs, her lips curling into a smile. “I suppose just one short book wouldn’t hurt. Right, Jake?”

He hums, feigning thought while glancing at the clock. “We might have just enough time before your daddy and mommy get back.”

Cagney and Lacey cheer as he switches off their bedside lamp, and then watch with glee as he fills their room with dozens of tiny, carefully-placed flames. He makes them flicker with a precise movement of his hands, makes them float like fireflies in the night sky.

The twins fall asleep soon enough, lulled by the soft tone of Amy’s voice and the amber glow of the lights.

Sometimes Jake forgets how enchanting fire can be.

 ---

 Yet again, he’s at the mercy of a waterbender.

This time, it’s his daughter, only two-weeks-old and somehow already able to cause ripples and waves as she moves a tiny hand through the warm water in her tub. She lacks any real control, which is perhaps the biggest problem.

“Amy!” he calls out, equal parts awed and panicked. There’s nothing much he can do right now, apart from maybe distracting the baby with a dancing flame. (Not that he’d allow her anywhere near fire, at least not yet.)  

 ---

 “I’m going to be a waterbender like Mommy,” his son declares one day, with all the confidence of a child that’s crossed the jungle gym for the first time. He’s a little older than most kids are when they start bending, but it’s too early to be concerned about it; he could just be a late bloomer. (Granted, it wouldn’t matter if he didn’t start bending at all. They’d love him just the same if he were a nonbender.)

“How about firebending?” Jake jests lightly, feeling a bit wounded but also kind of relieved.

“Hmm, maybe,” Max shrugs, before running off again to play.  

Of course, of course, when the boy eventually does start bending, it’s a scorching stream of fire that bursts from his small outstretched fist. He’d been mimicking the probenders they’d seen on TV the day before, copying their fighting stances down to a tee.

Jake meets his eyes and sees the same mixture of fear and amazement he’s come to know so well. He quickly takes control of the wild flame, tamping it down to a low ember before gently passing it back to his son.

Max nurses the glowing warmth between his two palms, staring at it in fierce concentration. It flares too-strong for a moment, then recedes but doesn’t fizzle out.

Jake nods at him and smiles, pride blossoming in his chest.

“That’s it. Use your breath, son.”