#you have a lorge brain for this

[the-music-maniac]

LMAO that's totally the way it happens, you're SO CORRECT 🤣🤣 it needs to happen at the same moment for every single member, for maximum effect. Even funnier if up until that point every single one of them is angsting about never seeing their friends again as they knew them, the responsibility of the world on their shoulders etc. Etc. meanwhile they're all of 2 meters away from each other in Shinra, every single member present and memories intact. I want the moment of realization to hit them like a hammer. Oh no I was so emo for no reason.

To that point, speaking of "I used to have a friend who" and since this is a crack fic, I also think it would be hilarious if Sephiroth realizes they're all trying to kill him, and instead of like, doing anything much about it, decides that this is prime trauma dumping opportunity and just randomly breaks into depressing monologues whenever one of them tries to kill him. Like, y'know that Robert Pattinson meme? The one where he got a stalker but was so depressed he just agreed to go on a date with them, and then talked so much on said date that the stalker left. That type of energy. Like he was in Nibelheim, hand on his own tit "is this your hometown, I NEVER HAD A HOMETOWN" etc. etc.

This is a purely indulgent crack idea, but I think it would be very funny if there was this time travel fix-it for the events of FF7/Sephiroth's insanity, except instead of just one person getting sent back, almost everyone in Avalanche (Cloud, Vincent, Tifa, Barret, Yuffie, Nanaki, Cait Sith/Reeve, etc. ) gets sent back. And all of them think they're the only one that time travelled. So, you essentially have a bunch of people trying to pretend they don't know anything about the future and assuming no one else knows about the future, and being confused af 90% of the time because the others aren't reacting in a predictable way to what they know about the future.

How this happens could occur in one of two ways - everyone gets sent back at different time points, and so their initial efforts to kill Sephiroth before he becomes genocidal includes them one by one meeting Miniroth and going Oh No This Is A Child, and Sephiroth progressively getting more and more well adjusted by the time he meets the next time traveller because now he has a group of people hellbent on fighting Shinra and Hojo on his behalf with the dual reasons of you are not going to become another genocidal maniac under my watch, and Why Is The Child Fighting A War Who Authorized This. I think the order of time travel should happen with age (ex. Vincent arrives first, Cloud and Tifa and Nanaki arrive last, etc.).

Or they all show up at once when Sephiroth is an adult. All of them are covertly trying to assassinate him but failing bc they keep accidentally cancelling out each other's attempts.

I want a cartoonish level of obliviousness. Arguably Cloud, Reeve (or Cait Sith?????) and Cid, and potentially Nanaki, are the ONLY ones that really have the excuse to be in Shinra, so everyone is confused about why other people they know are suddenly There™ yet somehow not landing on the obvious answer of more than one time traveller. All of them bullshit just well enough to throw doubt bc they're all pretending they don't know anything about the future. Aerith has an inkling about what's going on bc the planet talks to her, but she's too entertained at the shenanigans to be much help. Zack has no idea what's going on, cause he's not a time traveller, or someone in kahoots with the planet. Shinra is in absolute chaos because of how much people are meddling. At the same time, everyone is simultaneously noticing that 1. Seph is surprisingly, a very normal (even kind?) guy. What gives. 2. Man was, on the contrary to popular belief, not walking around with delusions of grandeur or cackling evilly in the months before his sanity went kaput and is in fact, malnourished, overworked and depressed, 3. Hojo and Shinra were even bigger bastards than expected.

Meanwhile Sephiroth is there like: man, people sure are up in my business a lot lately. He's thinking this as he stares dead eyed out the window, with his tenth cup of coffee in hand and a sheath of thick paperwork tucked under his arm. Behind him is Barret hiding (badly) in a fake plant.

I dunno how but this results in every one of our beloved protagonists (and Sephiroth) surviving, no one going insane, and Hojo dying an awful death. And then the gradual dismantling of Shinra, hurray.

[variousqueerthings]

I truly do love what we cobra kai fans write, because we're creating a fun intergenerational queer text centred around martial arts and americana and colonialist themes collaboratively, the stakes are low, the fun is high, the fanfic and fanart and fanwork is so so sexy

[finalfrontierpublishing]

So it's been a while since i posted any books - mostly because i've been hiding my progress like a little sneak.

I just finished this bind last night of The Desert Storm by @blue-sunshine-mauve-morning, or really it's volume 1 out of like ??? 15, maybe. Please take whatever i say with a pinch of salt (I have had 0 sleep for more than 24 hours, and that tends to make me a little very sleep-deprivation drunk a.k.a. unhinged). Okay, on to thoughts! The Desert Storm was foisted onto me by @celestial-sphere-press who told me under no uncertain terms that I WOULD FUCKING LOVE THIS SHIT. Well, I did. This more than 1 million word epic about Ben Fuckin' Kenobi is pretty much god-tier fanfiction. It reads like a goddamn novel. I can never think of canon again without thinking that this good shit should be canon. I read it and then consumed half of it within a week, and I have zero regrets. @blue-sunshine-mauve-morning, i absolutely love you and love your writing. It is the best thing since sliced bread. It is better than sliced bread.

I also had the benefit of @celestial-sphere-press saying, hey would you want to use the typeset? MY GOD, i am grateful. I love this fic, i would have typeset it if it hadn't been typeset but Des did such a beautiful job that i am absolutely in awe and thankful that she and the author allowed others to use it. Look at it - it's so beautiful. I only had to think hey, i just gotta design the cover and et cetera and so the book happened.

Please also check out @celestial-sphere-press 's amazing post here and here, who is the only person i know who's started and is almost complete in fanbinding this epic, and is also making an author a copy of the entire series.

Some stats, if you will.

96215 words || 380 pages

Title font: Ghaomiec

I took some inspiration from starblight bindery's lovely desert scape as well as this amazing cover of Dune which i own. I love that the landscape emanates Dune vibes while being oh so Tattooine - just sand and heat, relentless loneliness and melancholy. This fic centres around Obi-Wan Infinite Sadness Kenobi so it needed SAD VIBES TM, which i tried to deliver in desolate landscape form.

Also thank the heavens for Renegade members, who in a masterful stroke of Group Buy Saves Money, managed to source extra-out-of-production colours of Colibri and help a fair number of us get really cool limited edition versions of bookcloth. I am now a proud owner of a lorge stash of Duo and Colibri of which i am now sitting on like a shifty dragon with a hoarding problem. Good luck getting your bookcloth now, Folio Society, ha ha (gloating)! This particular bookcloth is Colibri Copper which has been wholly stashed for The Desert Storm series. I am leaning on transitioning to Malachite for Rise and Fall when I get to it.

The front cover design was done with a stock image and converted to a PNG, which i then fiddled with and did some HTV magic with. It was remarkably easier to weed than expected. I tried something new and ironed the design on the naked bookcloth first before gluing it to the boards, which was a new challenge in making sure everything was aligned.

Endpapers are marbled endpapers (Renato Crepaldi) which I got from Hollanders, which perfectly fit the colour scheme of the bind. The only hiccup was as I was cutting, I realized the sheet was running in the opposite direction of his usual papers and half the size, and only yielded 3 A5 size endpapers and so my heart went noooooooooo. oh well. i guess i will use it for quartos.

Endbands are my favourite - silk in 3 colours in the french doublecore style (as i was binding this i did not have the mental capacity to handle the difficulty of 4 strands). the truth is i usually only can do 4 when I have higher brain function and am willing to spend 80% of my time unraveling it from getting tangled.

I also forgot to mention I had mild fuck-ups, I got glue on the front endpaper which I had to hastily remove with wet cloth, and the back square is preposterously bad but I'm ignoring it for now.

Anyway, i've actually managed to complete a few other binds which have not been mentioned here as they've all been gifts/ surprises or event books in some form. I am SO EXCITED, also because I am travelling in the latter half of July to San Diego and L.A. and I get to meet some bookbinding friends in the flesh. Renegade is fucking amazing y'all. I am ready to embrace these crazy lads who have enabled me for the last 1 year, even when i'm the solitary (1) weirdo from my country of origin in the server. Also... potentially bookbinding trip early next year??? I am enthused.

[pomrania]

Starting to work on the bestiaryposting thing for this week, and I had to get this out of the way first.

Like, it's not even that funny; but part of my brain is convinced an this is hilarious.

So as you might gather, I'm interpreting this creature as a cat. There's a larger variety that lives in forests, and a smaller variety that "roams around in houses"; presumably both of them eat snakes and mice. Plus there's a mention of carrying their young around.

I don't know WHY there'd be any confusion about their reproductive behaviour if it includes "the domestic housecat", like people THESE days end up witnessing cats mate or give birth, and we live a lot more distanced from animals now than in medieval times; but I don't have any better ideas plus I want to draw some fluffy cats. Or maybe that bit of the bestiary was meant to be "can you BELIEVE some of these wacky misconceptions"; "some say that" gives you SO MUCH wiggle room.

I'll be using "pictures of Norwegian Forest Cats that I looked at for a few seconds because they're cute, then I closed the tab" as reference, mostly from the mention of "forest"; like I know they don't get THAT large, but shhh let me imagine Lorge Floofy Kitter.

If I'm drawing something that's mostly a cat, I don't need to work out what the anatomy might be, so that means I'm going to be thinking about what kind of pose and composition. I have some ideas, but you never know if something's feasible or not until you actually sketch it out.

[stabbyfoxandrew]

Would you tell us more about your pets someday mayhaps? 🥺👉👈 I love reading your stories about Rascal (precious puppy), but did I understand right that you have More pets?? ❤️

Awww this is so sweet anon. I'd love to tell you about my little jerk babies! <3 Doing this in age order! :3

Rascal- a 16 year old black english cocker spaniel. aliases: Razzy, Mr. Baby, bear, pookie, Sir (when he's in trouble) - came from a flea market 16 years ago. best $150 anyone ever spent -he's very sweet, my soul dog, love of my life. but also he is evil to me sometimes, as is his nature. - he's deaf and can't see well but his nose works! he could sniff out a hot dog (his fave snack) from across town. :') - he also has a sixth sense for when the fridge opens? i don't know how he knows. - sleeps next to me most of the time TwT - does NOT like to be held but is so holdable - has a docked tail so he has a little bear butt - is currently laying on the wheels/ legs of my desk chair so i can't escape. he does this constantly T-T - sometimes displays symptoms of dementia where he doesn't want to eat/ acts confused. :( and that makes me very sad. - has a heart condition and a problem with retaining fluid so he's on two different diuretics. - basically he has every illness but i love him so much. even when he accidentally bites me. i would kill for him and i am not joking. <3

Charles- an 8 year old tabby cat aliases: Charlie, auntie's girl (i'm her auntie), asshole - found her in the garage, her mom took her brother but left her :( - is trans! - we thought she was a girl and gave her a Grown Man's Name to piss my dad off but then she turned out to have a penis. we use she/her for her. - wicked princess from hell. <3 - dumb - has freakishly long whiskers? - sometimes doesn't look like herself. jess and i joke that she's a shapeshifter and forgets what she looks like so she gets it wrong :o - lets me hold her like a baby but then gets mad about it. :/ - doesn't like wet food but likes the gravy of it? - YOWLER

Thomas- a 7 year old calico cat aliases: Tiny, aunty's girl (i'm her aunty), jerk - found her in the weeds outside my house! she was screaming like a banshee. her mom also left her! :((( - FAT!!! she weighs 14lb and we don't know why! her pouch is LORGE - constantly being bad to get attention. :/ - scratches jess's desk chair, rips up curtains, tries to eat any and all string (yarn, my HAIR, shoelaces, etc.) - chases the (50lb) dog around, but lets charlie beat her up? (charles is only 11ish pounds) - looks like a lil alien sometimes - annoying baby! - will climb onto your lap and demand pets as soon as you're trying to do something (jess constantly falls victim to this, rip jess</3) - youngest child energy :/ (jess is the cats' mom so... it tracks)

Daisy May- a ??? year old tan pit bull mix aliases: brownie, brown sugar, wifey (she thinks that her and jess are married), brown susan, (i got confused), beth (??) - was our neighbor's dog but they abandoned her! >:( then she was ours. - escaped containment one day and came back preggers >:( - had 8 puppies and hated all of them but one. - very sweet, wants to live in jess's lap - heavy! - likes being danced at, loves to WAG, will jump on you to give kisses - criminal mastermind. maybe.

Buford- a 5 year old black and tan pit bull mix aliases: Boofy, stinky, skunk, dickhead, BEEF SUPREME, beefy - the one puppy brownie liked. - NEVER SHUTS UP - brain the size of a pea. a small pea. - is afraid of Thomas but not afraid of Charles - velcro dog. cannot pee without her. - constantly chewing on her feet??? nasty! - has very soft ears <3 - HEAVIEST! - makes me wanna die a lot T-T - will steal food from old men (rascal) with no remorse

anyway!!! that's all my stupid babies i love you for asking about them anon. if any of them were photogenic i would share pictures but alas...

[pineapple-cheese-bread]

Hey! I noticed your OC requests are open, could you do my night/sea lad Mindsoother? If not it's okay!!! Here's some pictures some friends did of him for me, if it helps any!!

And yes, he do have the teardrop scale, he's a mind reading Animus!

Also sorry to infodump on you but don't mind my ramblings-

He's about as old as dark stalker, so he's very LORGE, how did he live this long, you may ask? By playing pretend and staying at the bottom of the ocean and deciding to be a Leviathan. In his day, though, he was a very kind and helpful, or at least, he tried to be, dragon. His whole thing was taking the bad feelings and bad memories from people's brains and turning them into physical objects for said people to hold. What people do with the objects was their decision, but by the end of what he did, the person would feel at peace, somewhat.

Also he has no wings bc his parents ripped them off when he was a hatchling. (✨Trauma✨)

But for the most part all he wants to do is make presents for people and just be friends, lol.

If ya don't wanna draw him, it's perfectly okay!!

Here you go, Sorry it took awhile.

I really like their story and the fact that they are just a massive dragon trying to help others.

[garbagefireboy]

himbo trinity, another take on what it means to be a himbo. in the middle you have various himbos,

on the sides you have the zoro axis, who is both dummy stupid and and dummy thick, but dummy sweet? nah bro. unless ur chopper.

you also have the luffy line, pure intent and the idiot brain we love, but he’s a short king. he brings a certain “silly little goofy guy” vibe to the party. delightful.

finally, we have the franky variable. lorge and in chorge, a heart so pure that he will cry at the drop of a hat. but he’s too smart for his own good. litrally turned himself into a robot baddie. love him for that.

anyway we love himbos and all the variations thereof in this house.

[pastafossa]

what is your favorite book? (sorry i saw someone mention that they got dante’s inferno because of trt so i was curious!)

I saw this and my brain immediately became a discord screen as all my favorite books got stirred up, just

THIS IS SO HARD, I HAVE SO MANY, IT CHANGES BY MOOD AND SEASON, fuck, ok, ok I can do this. *whispers to the books* only three of you

FIRST.

Fucking

DRESDEN FILES.

Specifically book 7, Dead Beat.

Urban Fantasy. Has a zombie t rex in one. Snarky investigative protagonist (TRT inspo hello). Lorge dog. Pop culture references. All the titles are PUNS. Cool mythology. MAGIC. BADASS LONG COATS. Is the first book really rough? Yes. Very. But damn I stuck with it and the series took off. I literally have an autographed copy that I got Jim Butcher to sign with, 'Harry loves you'.

SECOND.

Lord of the Rings my beloved.

I do not need to describe it. It is perfection. I have reread it every year since I was 11. GENIUS.

THIRD.

Currently? Dueling for third is Dante's Inferno and Pride and Prejudice since I read them both again in the past year. P&P is my favorite slow burn out there, THE DEFINITION OF SLOW BURN ENEMIES TO LOVERS, and the CHEMISTRY but also social context? The BANTER??? While Dante's Inferno is, in my mind, the most hilarious, gorgeously written, petty bit of self-insert published AU fanfiction ever created. Dude straight up went 'in my AU hell is an onion and the dead philosophers and poets I idolize love me and the Popes I hated are there ha ha get FUCKED, and also my poetry for it will be so gorgeous it becomes a classic and you'll almost miss that I snuck a fart joke in right here' (yes there is a fart joke - a demon signals to his lil army to move on by, roughly translated, 'making a trumpet of his ass') and I love him for that.

Point being Dante is up there so having a story where I can weave references in is AMAZING

[mmuffncakes]

Do Dagan/Rayvis, since it’s your fault the tag exists

youre right,... it is. but also your fault cause you wrote it for me <3

but!!!!

so originally i had it as a ship just cause "haha, lorge tentacle man + power bottom twink make brain go brrrrrrrrr" when i first saw them. but the more and more i played, and after playing several times and reading more lore and watching rayvis's reactions, learning his motivations and such (im a whore for rayvis, im not sorry), the more i realized that like...

this is *such* a toxic ship, in the best way possible. i know that sounds fucking whack, it is. but hear me out:

obviously, theres a power dynamic situation going on. dagan has control over rayvis completely due to rayvis's code that he follows through to the end. and rayvis? not happy about it. mans is PISSED that he not only got BESTED, but then got bested by someone who went missing for over 200 years. he could have said "fuck it, dagans dead, im free" but he spends his entire life seeking out what santari hid away because he REFUSES to break his code. and most people would assume death to a humanoid man after so long but he refuses to give up.

now, when we DO see the two together, its not just the code that rayvis follows. rayvis and dagan still share the same goal: tanalorr. but rayvis has just gotten infinitely more tired over the years because he wasted away in a prison for so long and then hunted down a man he could only hope was still alive. so he's just wanting to SEE tanalorr again since he'd first gotten there way back when. but with so many delays (and annoyances: peek cal and bode), the exhaustion is finally getting to him. but he refuses to give up on his and dagans dream.

on top of that, when we see them together, there's still this sort of scorned married couple on the brink of divorce. the lines "say that again and i'll cut out your tongue" "...it'll grow back" lives rent free in my head. rayvis KNOWS dagan can best him, kill him in even. but he doesnt. why?

because dagan likes the power/control too much. he likes it too much when rayvis kneels in front of him, confirming his loyalty and doesnt care that rayvis tenses when he leaves the room. dagan likes it too much that rayvis is still walking on hands and knees for him because of his code that rayvis so desperately wants to break but doesnt because he's too honorable of a man. and dagan uses it to his advantage. but there is, i think, a small amount of him that hopes that rayvis TRIES to break the code he has. dagan wants him to fight back, actually have no honor, break it.

"break it," dagan will whisper into rayvis's ear. "i know you want to." and rayvis wont, no matter how much he wants to. because that would only prove dagan *right*.

this ship is so like, toxicly co-dependent of each other. holding each other over one another in a way that just MMMMMMMMMMMM feeds me in a way i didnt think it could. they are messy, and toxic, and TERRIBLE for each other but FUCK mmmmMMMMMMM do i love it

that answers the first two questions last one is fucking "do i have an unpopular opinion" NO, its MY SHIP i have aLL THE RIGHT OPINIONS

still love your fic thooouuuggghh <3 (blow u lil kiss)

[turnthepagevn]

Hello! I have a very dumb question! How big is Robin's eldritch form? Like, there are some eldritch Lovecraftian beings that are unfathomable sizes, so I wanted to know the same about Robin? And, if possible, may I know how big Yuyu's eldritch form is as well? :> Thank you for creating such lovable characters!

I would call on Math Anon for this, but I care them and don't want their beautiful brain to collapse from the unfathomable and ever-changing nature of the Robin's true form.

He's lorge.

Rena is considered to be small for an outer goddess, but even then, unfathomable and ever-shifting.

Rigel is somewhere between them in terms of size. I know you didn't ask, but he wanted to feel included.

[deepspacedukat]

hey there, i'm a 'long time listener, first time caller' just wanting to send some love and appreciation your way. i really enjoy reading your fics and look forward to all your updates! you sure know how to set a proper thirst trap <3

you actually gave me the kick i needed to binge babylon 5 because it was on my radar for some time. i had just finished ds9 a while back (not my first watch), and i was still jones-ing for some sci-fi. you made some posts about the show and the rest is history lol

after finishing the series a couple of weeks ago, my 'b5 blorbos' are bester, neroon, and g'kar. i have some very specific scenarios that currently play in my head that i'd love for someone as skilled as you to put out into the world. i can't wait until you open fic requests again! ;)

but in the meantime, i'm thoroughly enjoying all the other fics in your impressive catalogue. i came for the garak/reader stories (no pun intended!), but i stayed for the likes of koval, letant, vreenak, solok, vorik, and dukat.

again, kudos on continuing to post these fics, they're really well-written. some explicit material can be very tiresome and/or juvenile, but it's clear you have quality writing experience to back you up, and you have great instincts as to what works and what doesn't. keep up the fantastic work! <3

Aww, thank you so much!!! I'm so glad you like my stories! I'm just gonna come out and say it: I've been hoarding this ask in my inbox and re-reading it every time I needed a pick-me-up, so uh...I apologize for being so late to respond. This ask has just been giving me the very good brain chemicals. 😅

First off, thank you so so much for your kind words and for taking the time to jump into my ask box to say something about it! I really do appreciate your support! 💖

Second, omg you are (I think) the third person I have managed to convince that Babylon 5 is worth a watch! I'm so honored that I was able to give you the lil push you needed to finally try it out. (I'm still on Season 3, because I've been trying to savor new shows instead of unhealthily binging things to the point of sleep deprivation like I've done in the past lol.) I'm so glad you enjoyed the show and have new blorbos!! Bester is very intriguing to me. Neroon is Very Yes™. And G'Kar...OMG G'KAR. 😍 He's my main B5 blorbo, if I'm gonna be completely honest and truthful about the situation. (Hence the lorge, semi-elaborate fic that "Who Reads The Mind-Reader?" is about to become once the SoC challenge is over. 🙈) Andreas Katsulas did such an amazing job in that role that it's almost impossible not to like G'Kar.

As for my requests, when I do eventually re-open them, I will for sure be adding characters from B5 to my list of people I'm willing to write for, so I'm totally open to writing those for you! I'm so glad that you've been enjoying my other fics in the meantime! I've had a lot of fun writing all of them, so I'm always glad to hear that people are still enjoying them!

Thank you again for your super sweet words, my friend! 💖 I may not have any professional writing experience under my belt (yet), but I do have a couple of actual novels I'm working on, so at some point in the future when I've figured out the whole process of becoming a published author, that will hopefully change! Until then, I hope you continue to enjoy my humble little fanfics! 🙏💖 Happy reading!! Feel free to drop by any time!

[kintatsujo]

You are correct. Spud looks at a glance like she might be chonk, but then your brain catches up and you realize that she is Lorge and she has a Very Plush Coat. Have another pic:

Bode as in bodacious

(also gawd I just wanna give her lil head pats)

[science-bastard]

🌻

in true mad scientist fashion, some of the plushies i own are as follows:

brain

plague nurse

egg and sperm (they have little magnets inside them so they stick together)

embryo

small herpes

Extremely Lorge herpes

[send me a 🌻 and i’ll just tell you whatever the fuck i want]

[pokedawriter]

PART 2:

The answer was no. No I had not. Time to fix that, I guess.

I go up the rest of the stairs, careful to skip the more sketchy ones. As the poor college student I am, instant ramen will once again be my dinner tonight. But I am no peasant! I add a soft-boiled egg to my ramen, like the classy bitch I am.

A classy bitch who’s poor, but a classy bitch nonetheless.

Stepping onto the balcony, I slurp my noodles while looking out at the nearby woods, enjoying the peace and quiet. The trees rustle with the breeze, the multicolored leaves shifting around. Beneath me, I hear another balcony door slide open then… the sound of a fan? I place my mostly empty noodles on the balcony railing, then lean over the edge.

My downstairs neighbor is putting a blanket over his balcony railing, before he heads back inside. The fan is positioned to be blowing into the apartment, though I can’t see inside. I do hear sweeping inside, and moments later, gray tufts of fur float onto the balcony. He must be the guy who owns the dog.

I lean over the railing a little more, hoping that I’ll be able to see the pupper, but the wind decides now’s a good time to blow a little harder, which sends my hair into my face and my noodles over the edge…

Splatting right onto my downstairs neighbor’s blanket, the now completely empty noodle cup rolling on his balcony.

“Oh my gosh, I am so sorry!” I yelp. Before he can respond, I run back inside my apartment. Shoving my feet into my shoes, I hurry downstairs and knock on his door. It soon swings open, revealing a taller man with a mop of brown hair on his head. He sort of reminds me of a beanpole, but now is not the time to think of gardening. Or beans.

“I am so sorry! The wind knocked my noodles over. I thought it would be heavy enough not to be blown over,” I explain quickly, silently lamenting the loss of my classy-bitch-egg that I never got to eat.

“It's fine,” the man replies, his voice gruffer than I expected. “I can just wash it again. Shame my dryer isn’t working though.” A small puff of gray fur rolls out of his apartment and stops on my foot.

“Do you have a dog?” I blurt out. It's too late. My brain is thinking about one thing and one thing only now: dogs. The man stiffens a bit, as my thoughts whirl about what type of dog he has. It must be a long haired breed, right? Since there is all this fur. And this grey color… Oh! The howling last night! I must be a husky! Oh my gosh, there is a husky in there and I may be able to pet it if I-

“No, I don’t,” he says slowly, his eyes darting around my face.

I can’t help it when my expression falls. “Oh.” Then confusion. “Then why do you have so much fur in your apartment?” Ah yes, I love it when my mouth is much faster than my brain.

He pauses for a little, his mouth open slightly. Damn his canine teeth are LORGE. “My… cousin brings his dog over sometimes,” he trails off.

So pupper sometimes, got it. “That’s awesome!” I smile. “Next time he brings the dog over, may I meet it?” I bounce a little, then almost slip because my shoes aren’t on completely. I take this moment to make sure my heels are actually in the shoes.

“Uh,” my neighbor sweats a little, biting his lower lip. “Maybe..? The dog isn’t very friendly.”

Oh. Once again my face falls and my disappointment must be very obvious because my neighbor flinches slightly. I try to pick up my smile. “It's okay! The dog’s comfort is most important.” His eyes widen a little. “Anyways, sorry about my noodles,” I smile sheepishly while rubbing my neck. “You mentioned your dryer’s not working. If you want you can borrow mine. Or I can look at yours? Or both?”

“It's really no problem,” he mumbles looking backwards into his apartment, probably towards the blanket. I shake my head.

“That’s what I should be saying,” I sigh. “It's getting colder at night now, it's important to have enough layers.” Gosh, I sound like my mother. “It's not like we have fur to cover our bodies,” I joke. My neighbor does not laugh. Embarrassment decides to crawl up my cheeks and make them redder. “A-anyways! Please let me look at your dryer!”

For a moment I think he’ll say no again, as he examines me, sizing me up. Finally, he steps aside and opens the door more. I step inside and he closes the door behind us. “I never caught your name,” I say as I follow him in.

“Diego,” he says simply, leading me into the living room.

“Nice to meet you, Diego. My name is-” my words catch in my throat. Diego’s place is destroyed. The couches are torn up and ripped, their stuffing popping out in some spots. There are gashes on the walls and floors, but the most prominent issue is the sheer amount of fur that is EVERYWHERE. He must have groomed that husky in here for there to be that much fur, jeeze.

Diego glances back at me, examining my face as I take everything in. My rationality is asking how the hell this place got so busted, while my anxiety tells me to shut up and not ask. “Bet that dog is a cutie,” I say, deciding to focus my attention on the dryer.

“Maybe. More a menace though,” he mutters the second part under his breath but I laugh anyway. His dryer, like mine, is in the kitchen and I walk over to it as he gets his blanket from the balcony. Like everything else, it's blanketed in fur. I press the start button and it goes, surprising me.

“Seems like it's working just fine?” I turn to Diego, confused.

He shakes his head. “It’ll go, but it doesn’t dry anything.” He says as he shoves his blanket into the washer.

“Does it still get warm?” He nods, and I think I already know the solution.

I open the door and pull out the lint catcher and, yep, it's completely full. Pulling out the carpet of lint and holding it up, I look at Diego, my mouth in a tight frown. The only word that escapes me is “Bruh.”

He tilts his head slightly like a confused puppy. “What’s that?”

“The lint trap, man. You gotta clean this out every time you use the dryer,” I say, grimacing. “You’re lucky this didn’t start a fire!”

His eyes go wide, looking between me, the lint slab dangling from my hand, the dryer then back at me. I shake my head, put the lint trap back and place the compacted fluff into the trash. If he doesn’t know this… his vent is probably clogged too. I look at his room and the open balcony door with the fan outside and the fur rolling around on the floor.

“Okay, Diego, this is what’s gonna happen,” I sigh. “Can you pull your dryer out while I grab something from my apartment upstairs?” He nods and as I start to leave I hear a rubber rumble as he easily yoinks the machine away from the wall. Who knew Mr. Beanpole had it in him.

A few minutes later, I’m back from my apartment with the leaf blower my dad insisted I bring, despite me living in an apartment. Hose to the vent, I turn the blower and we go to the balcony and watch the lint fly out from a vent on the side of the building.

“We’ll let that go for a few minutes, then we can use the leaf blower to blow all the fur onto the balcony or out the front door,” I smile.

“You’re very handy,” Diego returns my smile with a little one of his own. “Do you think… you could look at something else, too?”

“Of course,” I nod. Yesss, give me all those good neighbor points and forget that fact I dropped noodles from the sky.

He points to his window air conditioner. “This isn’t working as well compared to when I first got it. And it heats up a lot.”

“Something’s probably wrong with the filter,” I say as I go over to it, turning the machine off. I open it up and- yup, the filter is dirtier than my search history. JK, haha… at least I didn’t say that out loud.

An explanation and a call later, I’m sitting at Diego’s desk ordering him a new filter because the landlord, as I fucking predicted, said he wouldn’t cover the cost of a new one. “Does the dog come often?” I ask, scrolling through Amazon.

“Dog?” Diego echoes back as he does the head tilt thing again.

“Your cousin’s dog?”

“Oh! Yeah, uh, that dog,” he looks away for a moment. “About, uh, once a month.”

“Once a month? And you get all this fur?” I look at him, eyes wide. Maybe I’m off on the husky mark. Maybe it's a great pyrenees? Or a chow chow? Who knows.

Diego’s face goes red and he looks away. “Um, yeah.”

“Then you’ll definitely want a filter that also helps with animal hair,” I scroll a bit and select a few for him to choose from. “Here, sit here.” He obediently sits and looks at the options while I go back out to the living room and use the leaf blower to remove the fur all over the ground. Once it’s on the balcony, I take the puffs by the handful and toss them over the ledge. All better.

Now his living room. Still a clawed mess, but… hey, I could fix it. A bit of caulk or spackling compound there, then sand and add primer and paint… maybe it's for the best that the landlord didn’t come to replace the filter.

Diego emerges from his office moments later. “Um… thanks, for all your help.” He bites his lip, and shifts his weight from leg to leg.

“Sure, happy to help,” I smile back. “And, uh, sorry about the noodles.”

He shakes his head. “It's alright. You’ve more than paid me back for that.” He looks away for a moment, then extends his hand. “Would you, um, be willing to trade phone numbers? You seem to know a lot more about home stuff than I do.”

I can’t help the huge smile that crosses my face. “Sure!” I take his phone and enter my contact information. Always good to get my neighbor’s contact info. Plus! This means I can ask him when the dog is next coming.

He sends me a text and I confirm I got it. I was going to put his full name, but then I saw he put me as ‘Sky Noodle Girl’ in his phone, so I put him as ‘Doggie Diego’, which he rolled his eyes at, still smiling.

I head back up the stairs and enter my own apartment. My still very empty and not unpacked apartment. Fuck. And I have homework. Double fuck.

And I didn’t even finish my noodles!

…

I’ve been here for two days and three nights and my shit shack is already testing my patience. Well, the landlord is.

“My foot went through one of the stairs,” I try to say as cordially as I can. The fresh scratch from the broken wood stings, a bit of blood trickling out.

The landlord doesn’t even look at me, opting instead to scroll on his phone. “And?”

“It's a safety hazard,” I manage to say through gritted teeth.

He shrugs. “Not my problem. I live in the basement.”

This motherfucker-

“If it bothers you that much, go fix it yourself,” his game jingles happily, and he sneers. “Not that you can.”

Once my skin clears up, I lose 10 pounds, fix those damn stairs, finish my homework, learn how to properly do eyeshadow, comb my hair and become mentally stable, it's over for this bastard.

Until then, he can go fuck himself on the broken pieces of wood that was the stairs while I actually do something about it.

One rage building session later, I’ve replaced all the stairs to the first floor.

I lay on the ground next to my new stairs, which still need to dry from the paint, properly zonked. Hyper-focusing it great to do things, but fuck, the exhaustion finally catches up to me, my body sore. Swallowing feels like sandpaper is trying to go down and my stomach growls angrily at me for forgetting its existence.

Two familiar faces appear in my view: my neighbor from the first night and Anna.

“What are you doing?” Anna asks. She’s in the exact same doll clothes as before, her blush still overwhelming her face, but at least she blinks at me now. Even if it does seem awkwardly forced.

“Laying on the ground,” I croak out.

“You sound thirsty,” she states. I nod. “Want me to get you water?”

“Please do,” I force a smile and Anna disappears from my sight. Weirdly, I don’t hear her footsteps. Must be one of those creepy kid things.

Well, it's just me and the neighbor from the first night.

“Would you like assistance in sitting up?” he asks with a smile. I nod and soon I’m sitting upright.

“Whew,” I hold my head, feeling the blood rush down. There’s a puff of heat on my neck, then… cold water splashes onto me.

“MOTHERFUuuuuuuuuudger. Fudger,” I manage to withhold from cussing, again, as I look up and see Anna with an empty glass, her arm through the railings.

“Bad, Nikolas,” she puffs. “Don’t touch the quiet door lady.”

I might have been splashed, but my neighbor, Nikolas, is soaked, his hooked nose and black hair dripping with water. He grimaces, but dries his face with a white handkerchief.

“He was just helping me up, Anna,” I try to reassure her, giving her a smile. Hey, at least she likes me. I’ll take my good neighbor points where I can. “I’m okay.”

“Yes, she’s quite fine,” Nikolas grumbles, and he glares at Anna. Which, uh, excuse me, is not a look to give a child. But it seems like this is a normal interaction for them, as she only further narrows her eyes at him.

All the outdoor lights flicker and I glance around. Are the shadows on the walls growing? Does the building seem… taller? A shiver runs down my spine and the hairs on the back of my neck shoot up. What the fuck? Man, I must be tired.

Nikolas sighs and lifts both his hands in a surrender position. “Message received, Anna.”

All of a sudden, everything is normal again. Anna nods and turns around, and I hear her steps this time as she walks away.

Now I level a look at Nikolas. “Don’t pick fights with kids, man. Not cool.”

He looks at me wide eyed, with one brow higher than the other. “Pardon?”

“You gave Anna a nasty glare there,” I shake my head. “That’s not cool, man. She’s just a kid. It's a lot better to explain to her why dumping water is unacceptable than glare and go quiet. Even with children, communication is key.”

His mouth opens slightly and he narrows his eyes as if trying to examine me closer. Then he shakes his head. “Fine.”

I nod. “Good.” There’s a short pause. “Hey, does the electricity falter like that often?”

“What?”

“Do the light flicker like that often? If it was just one of them, I’d think the bulb was dying but since it was all of them, there might be a problem with the building’s wiring,” I explain.

Nikolas looks like I just asked him if he had a foot fetish: thoroughly confused, disappointed and questioning his existence. “... What?”

Just as I’m about to ask him for the third time, Anna's voice suddenly comes from behind me. “Water.”

I jump slightly, but gratefully take the glass. “Thanks, kiddo.” I smile and ruffle her curly hair, which feels strangely like yarn. Huh, that’s cool. I wonder if that’s natural or not.

I down the water in and feel instantly refreshed, then I hand her the glass. “That hit the spot.”

Anna nods then parts her lips to show all of her teeth. Creepy, but I think that’s her attempt at a smile so I try not to flinch.

“Well,” I stand dusting sawdust off myself. “I think I should get some food and some rest.”

“What about your wound?” Nikolas says as he also stands.

“My what? Oh.” Right! The cut on my leg from when the stair broke earlier. It suddenly stings again, as if offended I forgot about it.

“It's fine. Just a scratch,” I laugh it off. I wonder how he knew I was injured? I have long pants on, so he couldn’t see it. Maybe my pant leg rolled up while I laid down. “I gotta put the tools back in the shed, but I’ll go straight home to clean it up afterwards.”

Nikolas and Anna both nod, Anna still showing all her teeth. He says something quietly to her, and the corners of her mouth lift into a proper -though slightly forced- smile.

But did I step on glass or something? It sounded like something cracked.

With nothing underneath my foot, I chalk it up to my overactive imagination and put the tools back in the shed. Once I leave, the stars are out and both Anna and Nikolas are gone. I head over to the stairs and I’m about to step on them, when I remember they still need to dry. Fuuuuuuuck.

I order Chinese delivery instead and eat on the ground next to the stairs. Once I’m done, I test the paint with my finger. Satisfied that it's dried, I go back to my apartment, shower and head to sleep in my bed for the first time.

As I drift off, I wonder how Anna and Nikolas got up and down the stairs without messing up the paint? Anna probably did creepy child magic or something and I imagine Nikolas parkouring up in his black suit, causing me to chuckle.

…

I was hoping to sleep in since I didn’t have class today, but a knock at my door wakes me from my slumber.

“Just five more minutes,” I groan. The knocking pauses, but comes back after a bit. Somehow, I drag myself out of the warm, soft, perfect bed and make my way to the front door, opening it a crack. “Yes?”

Nikolas stands there, under an umbrella for some reason, with his brow furrowed. He looks sunburnt, which might explain the umbrella. “You fix things, correct?”

“I mean, I guess?” Man, I should really start being paid for this. I’m too poor for free labor.

“Well,” he grimaces. “My roof has a hole.”

My eyes go wide and I stand taller. “Your roof has a what?”

“There is a hole in the roof, in my apartment,” he explains. “I tried to call the landlord, but…”

An annoyed sigh escapes me. “He said figure it out?”

Nikolas shakes his head. “No. He said he would get it fixed.”

“Well, that’s a new one,” I smirk. Damn bastard is finally doing his job.

“Yes, but,” Nikolas glares behind us, as if the landlord was there. “He said it could take several weeks.”

“WEEKS!?” I might have just woken someone else up with how loud I yelled.

Nikolas cringes but nods. “Yes, weeks.”

“It's about to be winter.”

“Yes.”

“There will be snow. And rain.”

“I’m aware.”

“And he can’t be bothered to fix it sooner?” I fume. Now that’s just fucked up. “I should report his ass to the police-”

“No!” Nikolas says quickly, and I blink. “He’s, uh,” Niklolas pauses and his eyes dart around, as if searching for words. “... A family friend? So, I don’t want to report him. I just want the problem fixed.”

There is a long pause. Oh, shit, I’m supposed to answer.

“Okay… I’ll try to fix your roof, but I need you to promise something.”

Nikolas frowns. “... Go on.”

“Be nicer to Anna,” I say simply.

He studies me for a moment then nods. “I can do that.”

I turn to go get changed, then face him again. “One more thing.”

“Yes?”

“Please pay for the materials. I’m so poor, man. I have $34.28 cents in my bank account, right now.”

He laughs. And I mean really laughs. Which, kind of rude to laugh at how poor I am, but I did say it in a half-joking way, so he can get a pass (I really do only have $34.28 though, so please buy the materials, Nikolas).

“That,” he chuckles. “I can do.”

A trip to the hardware store, a ladder, a shingle or two to Nikolas’ knee, and a saw later, the hole is patched. It's not perfect, but it's good enough until a proper roofer can come and fix it. I climb down the ladder and dust my hands.

“The hole appeared because the wood rotted. The shingles above the hole were missing, which explains how the water got there,” I explain to Nikolas. “So I cut out the rotten parts, created a frame, added new plywood, tar paper and shingles, and badabing, badaboom, it's done. And it only took me…” I look at my watch and sigh. “5 hours.”

Man, my time perception is absolutely fucked. I thought it had only been 2, maybe 3 hours.

Nikolas, who’s been under his umbrella while inside as well, exhales, his shoulders relaxing. “Much appreciated. Your handiwork is to be admired.”

My cheeks heat up at the compliment and I look away to hide my smile. “Aww, shucks. Well, thank you.”

“My dear, it is my pleasure,” he smiles, and I notice -like Diego- Nikolas also has pointy canine teeth, however, his are longer and more narrow than Diego’s. “Now, I can handle the clean up, you get some rest.”

He escorts me to his front door and as I’m about to leave, he asks me to wait, then pulls out a wad of cash, bound by those little strips of paper, and hands it to me. “For your hard work.”

“What?” I look at the money incredulously. “I can’t accept this.” Gosh that money looks good. If I take it, I could probably afford rent this month. Maybe even next month too! It's very tempting...

I shake my head, my inner self crying. “No need. You already paid for the materials. I was happy to help.” I can already see me groveling to my father for cash.

“I insist,” Nikolas says as takes my hand and places the money in it. “You’ve greatly helped me today. The first floor stairs have also never looked better.”

“Thank you,” I smile and tell myself not to spend it on video games. “I really appreciate it.”

We bid farewell, and when I get to my apartment, I count the cash. $100… $200… $300… $400… $500, oh my fucking gosh, its still going. $600… $700… $800. The final amount is $800.

Bro that’s enough for 2 months rent and then some! I can afford something other than noodles! I could buy meat.

You move into a suspiciously low rent apartment, that’s in some disrepair but not enough to account for the price. It turns out the other occupants are all evil supernatural beings. They set out to torment you, but then discover that you have done more to repair the building than the landlords.

[sysig]

Only 3′ and under please, check your height at the door (Patreon)

[coffeeshib]

Kara wants to help Lena cook, but, since her last attempt at pancakes almost qualified as a crime against humanity, Lena gives her the task of "Super Taste-Tester" and Kara takes her job beefishly seriously. She makes sure to taste the sauce, the appetizers, the main course, the dessert, and, of course, the wife when Lena makes the mistake of wandering a bit too close to grabby kryptonian mitts. The food ends up delicious and Lena ends up thoroughly nibbled.

kara danvers: there are three types of food in the world

1. that i have eaten

2. that i am going to eat

3. lena luthor