#you guys have no idea how much I struggled on that buddy pose

[lisatheforgiving]

[LISA The Forgiving Chapter 1 Part 7]

Do I have a good excuse for not posting for like 4 months? I am not gonna lie, nope... I uh. Really lost motivation, I'm fr sorry guys. This absolutely WILL happen again, and I totally get it if I lose a few people along the way..!

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Ok so first of all, you all might notice the change in text bubbles! That's because I got sick of trying to draw a shouting bubble (Idk why it's so hardddd)... And decided to swap to a free resource with some templates. Ik it's kinda unoriginal, but it should make the comic look a little more consistent and nice! Credit to the original artist will be added to all of these posts! I will also be doing 2 panel posts from now on. It's just more manageable for me, and I find I usually lose interest in drawing after finishing panel 2... So I'm hoping it'll keep me motivated :) Speech bubbles (Thank you sm artist behind these!!! Ur a lifesaver fr): https://www.deviantart.com/mikiko-art/art/300-Free-Speech-Bubbles-Download-419223430

[urinarythreatinfection]

Aight bet-

Can i get Shanks paired with a female reader (romatically) who is also missing an arm and/or has red hair.

Thank you v.v

Not my bestest work but I thought it was funny and warm.

Narcissistic Romance

Shanks x Fem!Reader. Reader has red hair and missing arm. Miku is Miku even if she looks different so skin color or hair texture can be anything else. Small angst(?) but mostly fluff. Drabble + Headcanons

“I get we have the same hair and stump but did you really need to go this far? You even drew the scar on me.” You touch your eye where some friends had drawn Shanks’s signature scar on.

“This fits so well! You might as well be his female form.” You’re all near a bar, one of your friends got the idea to dress you up as Red Haired Shanks after getting drunk. “Strike a pose or somethin-” They’re interrupted when yelling is heard.

“C-CAPTAIN!?” You hear from behind you, turning to see a group of men staring at you.

‘Captain?’ You think to yourself, confused before it clicks. These must be Red Hair Pirates, but how? This is a crazy coincidence that they’re here right as you’re dressed up. Your mind runs at a million miles a second and you clamp a hand over your friend’s mouth before they speak. “Well, I got caught by a devil fruit. Changed my looks a bit but I look good as a woman too, right?” You smirk, going along with it. Unfortunately, your cover is blown almost immediately when a head peeks over your shoulder to look at you.

“Hmm. I do look good as a woman, don’t I?” It’s Red Haired Shanks, another coincidence and you jolt with a yelp. “Freaking out, Miss Red Hair? Not very Emperor-like.” He teases with a grin. Maybe you shouldn’t have tried to go with the joke considering how quickly you got caught, and by the man himself. “What’s my female doppelganger doing here?” He looks at your friends with a wink, this is so embarrassing. “Popular as a woman too?”

That was how the two of you met, a funny cosplay of a funny guy.

You were scared at first you were going to get in trouble for impersonating him, even if it was a joke and you were caught immediately.

Shanks isn’t a sore sport though and he actually found it really funny.

He had stayed at the island and you were good company, proving to be a good fighter as well.

He couldn’t just leave an attractive and strong woman alone, right?

You ended up joining his crew along with a few of your other friends that could fight and wanted to go, the rest you all sending letters to any others often.

The official number of redheads in the Red Hair Pirates is now two.

The two of you two hit it off, cracking similar arm jokes and having fun together, it was perfect.

It really wasn’t long until you both ended up dating, then came new jokes.

“Narcissist.” That’s what people like to tease you both about.

Dating a person that can look like a genderbent version of you with the right clothes and makeup is definitely narcissistic.

Of course, you both take it with pride.

Shanks even likes to show you off, calling himself the luckiest man ever to find the most beautiful woman ever to play into the narcissist joke.

Something on a more personal level is that the two of you can relate to missing an arm, helping each other with phantom pain and insecurities.

After all, when the person you love has the same imperfection as you it’s hard to be insecure about it.

You’re perfect to him and him to you, despite your disabilities.

It’s nice to have someone that understands, that knows how hard it is to deal with losing a limb.

When you’re feeling insecure sometimes Shanks puts his stump on yours, smiling and calling you both “stump buddies” before kissing you.

If the weather is bad and you’re both struggling with pains you can hold each other, finding comfort in the warmth of your lover.

Shanks holds you tight, even if he’s clenching his jaw, always trying to put your pain above his no matter how much you try and tell him he matters too.

It makes you feel insecure, he should have a partner that would be able to help him without struggling themselves, but to him you’re everything.

He’d rather hold you while shaking from pain himself than be comforted by anyone else.

These bad moments with you are more precious to him than the best with anyone else.

[anxresi]

So, it turns out Chloe IS going to return for S6... this hot off the press from her voice actor... (actually from back in Jan, but who's counting?)

...So why, my dears, couldn't I give a damn?

Probably because, as arguably the writers had no idea what to do with her in S4 and S5 other than strip her of all personality, agency & likability, what's the point in her still remaining?

*She's not going to be a hero again, Manbaby Astruc has made this PERFECTLY clear thankyouverymuch. IMHO, she's far more useful as a tool for him to take out his warped misogynist humiliations on, apparently. Why he doesn't just buy himself a blonde mannequin, call it 'Chloe' then beat it with a wooden stick whilst shouting various profanities within the privacy of his own bedroom, IDK. Maybe it's good therapy for him to expose his weird hang-ups in front of a mass audience? Hey, if it works for him... good for you, buddy! I just wish the rest of us didn't have to suffer to aid his treatment.

*As a villain, Chloe's threat level is arguably less than 0%. She is now written to be dumb as a post, no-one trusts or likes her and everything she says and does seems more cartoonishly infantile with every tortuous appearance since S3. The ONLY time she posed any vague threat is during her massively overhyped team-up with Lila where basically she was little more than a pawn to the Mary Sue Of All Lying B*tches... and those two episodes where she took over Paris as Mayor with a bunch of robots were undebately the most stupid ones of S5. Which if you've seen the competition, you KNOW that's some achievement.

*My prediction is: They're gonna rehash the same tiresome schik we saw before she got on that plane at the end of S5... perhaps they'll give us a one episode Hope Spot upon her unexpected arrival back where it looks like she's changed after attending a 'tough school' in New York/London but OH MY WORD WHAT A SURPRISE it turns out to all have been a ruse to become Queen Bee again. YAWN. She'll move straight back into her old room... Andre and Audrey will reconnect... and it'll be like nothing ever happened. In case you hadn't noticed, this show handles plot continuity or character development about as well as Marinette keeps her distance from her crushes.

*'But where does that leave Zoe?' You might ask, to which I can only respond with a succinct 'If you had the Hubble Space Telescope on full power, you still wouldn't be able to locate how little I care about that particular subject.' Maybe she'll carry on as Vesperia. Maybe she'll get a girlfriend. Maybe she'll do something halfway interesting, and give the viewership a heart attack out of sheer shock value alone. It doesn't matter to me one jot... less because I curse the ground this insipid plot device masquerading as a serious character walks on, but simply because I have no faith in the utterly abysmal writing this show has displayed for years and years now. Chloe could take over the lead role in a SHOCKING twist, they could change the name to Miraculous Queen and I STlLL wouldn't give it a second glance. The fish rots from the head-up, guys.

(Okay, so that's a bit of a lie. I would probably sneak a peek at ONE episode out of sheer curiosity, but you and I both know with HIM in charge the standard won't improve one iota. Plus, it isn't gonna happen anyway... so why am I tying myself in knots speculating about an impossible scenario?)

Anyway, I've nattered on for too long. I'll just leave you by answering Selah's somewhat disingenuous last question there about 'your favorite Chloe line of season 5'.

This implies we were watching 'Chloe'. As far as I was concerned, we weren't. Not the Chloe I fangirled for in the very beginning and got me involved in the show in the first place because I could relate so much. Not the Chloe who got so many other fans emotionally invested in her personal and familial struggles, before her character was comprehensively trashed by a ruinous creator with a grudge.

So in answer to your question Ms Victor, none. Because it simply wasn't Chloe.

[gay-trashcan-cat]

how the fuck do you infuse so much personality into your doodles. are you pulling a fnaf and putting human souls in them?? if so, could you tell me how to do it?

ok first off, THANK YOU? got me going teehee blink blink face. Didn't expect to have an art question but I'm very glad, it's my first one so I'll answer to the best I can!

When it comes to personality in drawings (assuming your talking about characters), I often like to think about my characters as friends or someone you know. Often times I'm just saying to myself, "OH! Character would definitely react like this or say this!" (like how you would say your friend would do something unique only to them in a silly situation) Stepping into you characters' shoes or viewing them as a buddy can help you apply and do a bunch!

Though I do understand that you can know a ton about a character but still struggle on what to apply to a drawing with them in it!

There are a few things I tend to do and add when it comes to drawings!

First off is expression, putting some extra thought into expressions can really help add more to your character. Especially pushing expression! (Won't go too deep with expression because that's a whole other can of beans)

My silly goofy cat is a real happy and loud guy, so a simple smile won't always cut it! Really pushing that joy and loudness helps add more to him as a character!

Another thing you may have noticed in the drawing is how I added some (very silly looking) arms to the surface he was near! This moves on to the next thing I often do. Body language! (Which could also be seen as, gesture/posing)

Though relatively the same expression (note the eyes size difference makes the first doodle look more aware/awake, that just shows expression can change even with the slightest difference, this was accidental though), the change of the pose adds story to the character. The first drawing comes off as a more plain hello, while the second drawing adds more excitement and characterization to the goofy guy! As we see how he waves his hand quickly with joy while his left foot taps up with energy, most likely meeting up with a friend! All this movement also makes your characters look less stiff and lifeless.

I also like to add my own stylistic ways of movement or little reaction marks, I'm not too sure what to call them exactly tho (what I mean are the extra colored bits around the character below, they dont always need color though).

This is just a nice way to add more flavor to a drawing! And you can always experiment, or mix and match to see what you like.

Another thing I do is try to imagine scenarios or scenes that would work well with what I have in mind. To get to that point I'm often writing it down or doing thumbnails and lil roughs before I actually make my sketches that I post (insider secrets right here!).

(Here's an example of my drafting process with poses and expressions for this ask I did a while ago, yes it is cursed so read at ur own cost❤ )

Another thing would be textures, you often see me switching colors and brushes, even software's as I draw! that's why every doodle feels a little different, which I feel helps give off different ideas and emotions (or laziness who knows).

Some other factors that play into the "personality" of my drawings is the reactions, with cause and effect. Which has actions that make a new reaction for each character (or even object) that is exaggerated. Like someone making a disgusted face to someone vomiting, even a cat knocking a cup over, or a cat getting scared by a glass breaking (this could also just be a continuation of the last statement). Possibly even the IRS coming for you after evading your taxes and you having to jump out the window.

I mainly use this for comics! But you could do this in a single drawing, I like to have a moment kind of frozen in place either after or in the middle of an action (sorta lets your brain imagine the in-betweens). Though when it comes to exaggerating your reactions or causes, it takes some practice and imagination, so don't be discouraged if it takes some trial and error to get the hand of it! Honestly I'm still practicing too.

Other things that help me put some more life into my drawings is well... life itself! lots of interactions, faces, and poses are based on things I've seen in real life, from watching people (while in the bushes).

Though that isn't the only thing! I also use what I see in media, or photos! even some shows and movies, since there are so many good scenes or frames that can be used as great inspiration!

lastly, yes I do put human souls in my drawings, as well as sacrifice some squirrels here and there to my Elmo shrine, but thats not tooo important right?

[simpotat]

Very much unable to draw rn bc head is pounding (and I know there is no in-universe way to justify the occurrence of the following) but I just know Malaise would be the most frustrating sickie. Joy might go up to her like:

"Hey May-May! How're ya feeling?"

"Terrible. *proceeds to list off all her symptoms and grievances in fine detail*"

"🙂"

She couldn't make up her mind on whether the hot or the cold is better, whether she wants a drink of water or soup, whether she wants to eat at all, where to be, how to sit, if she's grievously uncomfortable with the proximity of people or will die this instant if she doesn't have someone to cuddle to sleep- and she doesn't want to be pushy and annoying, she just needs to figure it out. But at the same time, everything hurts or feels icky in some way, making her not really want to move, and if you dare to ask her she will vent it to you.

Very unfocused and slow and kind of has to be nudged around and taken care of, which some other emotions will do because they feel bad leaving her to it. (Good thing Anxiety's specialty is multitasking... burning herself out in the process and eventually following suit, probably.) Disgust and Fear are in various levels of COVID protocol levels of protective gear (Fear might put on a Hazmat suit) because no they will not leave an opening for those dangerous germs they weren't even aware of existing as a threat until yesterday thank you very much. Thought of Anxiety possibly wearing a mask too but... look at her. How would she do it. She'd look muzzled

En.nui could not give any less shits about Malaise getting close, at most warning her verbally in a monotone. She will probably not kiss her on the mouth but let herself be cuddled by the poor girl if Malaise so desires.

(Her also catching it eventually is a funny idea to me solely because of what she's already like. Someone just chiming in "uhh guys En.nui hasn't moved in twenty hours" and she's just behind the couch in the Family Guy death pose suffering. She couldn't even get to the couch that morning. Alternatively, illness can make me feel a little fidgety since I literally want to crawl out of my skin and flesh and rather frolic in the woods as a skeleton, so what if she attempts to do her usual cool and mysterious couch reclining routine for the day but she just can't. Get. Comfortable. Squirming and turning incessantly, which becomes extremely frustrating as well as even more tiring. She can suffer a little bit if I have to as well)

Joy is incredibly irritating support I'm sorry but she would be. "Chin up, buddy! You'll be better in no time!" Wow, that is incredibly helpful, Joy. I totally wouldn't be strangling the excessive vitality out of you if I could make it to the console without wobbling.

Malaise would be stressed out by causing people inconvenience, as "that's all she ever seems to do", but contrarily be quite willing to help without snapping or complaining if she had to care for her girlfriends afterward. If accused of struggle or exasperation she would admit to it, but add that doing all this for a loved one that's precious to her makes up for the cost. She just wants to see her GFs happy and well. (I imagine she already has to look after Anxiety often even within canon's realm of possibility since she tends to push herself (or Riley) too hard sometimes. And she's very caring and attentive about it. She respects Anxiety a lot and as well as all her hard work, but knows when she should be reeled in and is happy to do that part of the service.)

[deafeninggardenerpanda]

Kirby and Bandana Waddle Dee arrived at the tower. On the way, Kirby inhaled a lots of big peaches, so he was full.

"Huhh ... I ate too much. My stomach is satisfied for a little while, but there’s an all-you-can-eat party soon, too."

"It's not an all-you-can-eat party, Kirby. King Dedede and Meta Knight are waiting for you at the top of this tower."

"The top of this tower? Oh yeah, I’ll get hungry if we head to the top. Then, King Dedede’s kind heart is really doing its job well!" Kirby jumped up energetically. "Let's go! We'll be hungry right away if we climb such a tall tower!"

"H-hmm ... " Kirby’s misunderstanding was pretty unlikely to be cleared up. Bandana Waddle Dee was troubled, but he tried to enter the tower with Kirby anyway, when suddenly—a pair stood in front of the two and quickly blocked their path.

King Dedede and Meta Knight.

Bandana Waddle Dee was stunned. "Huh? His Majesty King Dedede and Sir Meta Knight ... those two, aren’t they in the tower?"

"There was a change of plans!" King Dedede said, seemingly distinguished. 

However ... his voice was strange, somehow. It was higher-pitched than the Great King’s usual voice and felt cute, in a way.

King Dedede continued, becoming increasingly arrogant, "Let us teach you the rules of the tower before we start fighting all out!"

"That's why we were waiting for you here!" Meta Knight said. Him too, his voice was a little cute.

"Um, excuse me ... are you two really real?" Bandana Waddle Dee said in doubt.

"Eh?"

"Your voices are different than usual ... "

King Dedede and Meta Knight flapped their arms in a kerfuffle. 

"W-w-what did you say, Bandana Sir ... err, Waddle Dee!"

"Of course we’re real! You see, I also have the treasured sword, Galaxia!" Meta Knight pulled out his sword.

"Hmm ... the shine of the blade, it’s like aluminum foil has been stuck on it ... " Bandana Waddle Dee said, increasingly suspicious.

"N-noisy! Let’s do this!" Meta Knight thrusted at them with his sword.

"Wah!" Bandana Waddle Dee panicked, but Meta Knight staggered and lost his balance.

"Whoops~!"

Next, King Dedede raised his hammer. "Such insolence! Take this!" Kirby jumped with joy as King Dedede attacked him.

"It's an exercise to make me hungry! Thank you, King Dedede!" 

Kirby skipped and hopped around. King Dedede couldn't keep up with his movements and immediately sat down, out of breath.

“Hah ... Hah ... Kirby ... is a scary guy!" Bandana Waddle Dee snuck up behind the slumped King Dedede and pulled on his robe as hard as he could.  

"Waah! What are you doing!" The robe came off.

No, not just the robe, but the costume of King Dedede was taken off as well. What appeared—was a Waddle Dee.

"After all! I thought it was strange!" Bandana Waddle Dee shouted as he pulled on Meta Knight’s mask.

"Waah! Stop it, stop it~!" Meta Knight struggled and uttered in a pitiful voice. The mask came off. After all, its contents were Waddle Dee. Kirby blinked in surprise.

"What! I thought you guys were too weak for those two! Where are the real ones?"

"Maybe they’re at the tower’s summit." Bandana Waddle Dee turned to the two Waddle Dees with a slightly angry look. "Why did you pull such a prank! As the leader of the Waddle Dee Corps, I’m ashamed!"

"We’re sorry, Bandana Sir."

“But it wasn't a prank."

The two Waddle Dees apologized, downhearted. "We were waiting here to explain the rules of this tower to Kirby."

"Rules?"

"Yes, this tower is the Buddy Fighters Tower. Buddy, as in a partner, that is. If you don't have one, you can't enter!"

"His Majesty King Dedede is preparing various gimmicks in this tower! You can't proceed unless you make it past us!"

The two Waddle Dees seemed to be here to explain the rules.

"I appreciate you two explaining the rules to us, but why were you disguised?" Bandana Waddle Dee asked.

"Well ... " The two Waddle Dees struck a gallant pose. "Because it looked strong, because it was cool ... Grrrrr!" they shouted.

" ... I see."

Everyone was getting aggressive because of the shooting star’s influence on this place. They were sorely itching for a fight. The Waddle Dees longed to be strong, so that was probably why they disguised themselves so boldly. Bandana Waddle Dee looked back at Kirby.

"Sorry, Kirby. I didn’t explain it to you properly. To enter the tower, you need to have a buddy. Let's go find you a buddy." 

"A buddy? Oh, you mean a partner? Because you dance at a party, and it's more fun to dance with a partner!"

"Err ... well ... It's not really like that ... "

"Then, I like you, Waddle Dee!" Kirby shouted, his voice full of energy.

"I’m no good," Bandana Waddle Dee said in a hurry. 

"Why not?"

"Because I can’t fight ... " 

"Ehh? But it'll be more fun with you, Waddle Dee!" 

"This tower is full of danger. You need to team up with a strong buddy to reach the top floor ... "

"Oh yeah, King Dedede challenged me to a battle to make me hungry, but it’s okay!" Kirby did a somersault. "If any enemies come out, I'll beat ’em up!"

"But ... "

"Let's go early! The party will start!" Kirby rushed into the tower. 

"Oh, wait, Kirby!" Bandana Waddle Dee had no choice but to chase after him. 

Kirby finally stepped into the tower and began looking around restlessly. Inside was like the halls of Castle Dedede. The floor sparkled and many elegant pillars stood proudly. Already, it looked like it was ready for a dance party.

"Will we have a party here, I wonder? But there's no feast or music."

"Be careful, Kirby," Bandana Waddle Dee said on high alert. "His Majesty King Dedede is definitely supposed to be making a gimmick to catch you off guard ... " 

"There is no gimmick! Let's go upstairs!" Kirby found the stairs and tried to run up them, however, two enemies appeared before he could.

"T-that’s!? Kirby!?" Bandana Waddle Dee shouted involuntarily.

Two warriors blocked Kirby and Bandana Waddle Dee’s path. Their faces and bodies looked just like the real Kirby’s, but their colors were different. One was light blue and carried a long whip, while the other was yellow and carried a bomb. Kirby’s eyes widened as he looked them over.

"Just like me ...!? Oh, are these guys Waddle Dees in disguise too?"

Bandana Waddle Dee nodded. "Looks like that for sure. Hey, both of you, drop your disguises and lower your weapons ... " But the enemy attacked without a word. The light blue fighter lashed out his whip and tried to strike Bandana Waddle Dee. "Ah! What are you doing!" 

Kirby jumped out and protected Bandana Waddle Dee, taking a direct hit to the head while doing so. Bandana Waddle Dee raised his voice.

"Kirby!? Are you alright!?" he shouted.

"Totally! I’m not worried at all!" Kirby grabbed hold of the whip. The light blue warrior staggered as he snatched it away.

"Eyaah!" The two warriors, light blue and yellow, were thrown into each other. Their eyes spun as they toppled over. Already, it seemed they didn’t have the strength to get back up. Bandana Waddle Dee approached the two and pulled on their faces.

"Huh? It doesn’t seem like these Kirby’s are a disguise."

"Really? Then, who are they?" Kirby looked at the two lying on the floor. "Hey, who are you guys? Why are you just like me?" he asked. No reply.

"Maybe these two are the gimmick made by King Dedede," Bandana Waddle Dee said.

"Gimmick?"

"He made warriors that look exactly like you to fight the real you." 

"How?"

"Hmm ... I wonder how, too. I wonder if he used the Kirby Printer ... but that machine should’ve been broken ... " Bandana Waddle Dee and Kirby thought about it, but had no clue.

"It’d be a big mistake if this is the idea that ​​King Dedede came up with. They’re really weak," Kirby said.

"Yeah ... but that’s because this is still the first floor," Waddle Dee said anxiously as he looked up at the ceiling. "The higher you climb, the stronger the enemies that appear will be."

"No matter what kind of guys come out, they’ll be no problem, no problem at all! I'll beat them all with a great big whomp!" Kirby climbed the stairs enthusiastically.

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[surrealsunday]

Hollow Edge Future Ficlet

By request for @sandalwoodhusbands because I have been told I am Canadian and can’t refuse (where is the lie?)... and I guess sort of for @ariavds too... because she’s a brat.

So this all started with an anon (shout out to you, anon!) who sent an ask this morning mentioning Axel’s IG story (which I only found thanks to @jebentnietalleen. Bless you, Tara). I’ll put a gif of it at the end of the ficlet. Specifically it reminded them of HE Lucas post-kids with Eliott. I couldn’t disagree. And so... after some begging... voila.

❤️❤️❤️❤️

“Théo, Théo, ssshhh,” Lucas hushes, barely managing to quiet his own laughter, “not so loud or your dad will hear.”

“So?” Théo laughs, shoving at Lucas’s shoulders and going about repositioning his arms. He laughs when Lucas lets his arms go limp, refusing to hold the poses Théo places him in. “Papa! Stop!!!”

“What? I’m not doing anything?” Lucas grins, looking up into the gentle brown eyes of his little boy. Théo has somehow become a perfect mix of Lucas and Eliott despite no shared DNA. He’s as soft and gentle as Eliott, the first to go running to help when his little sister trips and skins a knee, but he’s got a mischievous spirit and eye for trouble that is all Lucas.

“Keep them like this,” Théo instructs, once more bending Lucas’s arms and posing them palm up, away from his body.

“Like this?” Lucas asks, crooking an eyebrow. “And then what?”

Théo huffs as though Lucas were the most frustrating human prop on the planet. The reaction is all Eliott. “Then I lie down like this,” he pats the palm of Lucas’s hands, “and you do push ups.”

“Théo push ups?”

“Yes! Me push ups!”

“Ok,” Lucas agrees, adopting a serious expression. “But we have to promise that when this goes wrong and we both end up injured, we don’t tell dad.”

Théo wrinkles his forehead, looking serious beyond his years. “But daddy always knows, papa.”

Lucas snorts. It’s true. Even before Lucas has the chance to confess whatever shenanigans he and Théo have gotten up to, Eliott somehow already knows. Lucas has suspicions he has spies in the house that come in the form of a brat who just happens to be home from university for summer break. Though, that broken vase had happened long before Emily was back under their roof and somehow Eliott still knew about it despite Lucas and Théo’s most excellent gluing skills. Then again… in the spirit of all Disney princes… he probably has birds and squirrels serving as informants.

“I guess we’re not allowed to get injured then,” Lucas suggests. “Deal?”

Théo nods, a grave expression on his face. “Deal.”

He starts giggling the moment he leans his body down onto Lucas’s hands, perpendicular to the length of Lucas’s body, a predictable downside to the fact that he is just as ticklish as Lucas. And it’s no surprise that contagious laughter plus perilous gymnastic maneuvers does not make for successful stunts. Théo curls his body with laughter the moment Lucas’s hand spreads across his stomach, and it makes balancing him next to impossible. One loud shriek and he thumps down onto Lucas’s stomach.

“Fuck,” Lucas wheezes, making sure to grab Théo so he doesn’t go flopping right off the bed.

“Papa!” Théo gasps, pressing up from Lucas’s chest, which doesn’t quite help the ‘trying to refill lungs with oxygen’ task at hand. “Daddy says we can’t say that word!”

“Yeah, well,” Lucas pouts, making sure to jut out his lip in a practiced expression Théo has come to call ‘papa’s begging face’, “daddy isn’t here.”

“No?”  

Both Lucas and Théo gasp in matched shock at the sound of the voice at the bedroom door. And there, of course, stands Eliott… beautiful and regal… and absolutely about to lecture them both.

“It was his idea!” Lucas yells, sitting up to clamp hands around the sides of Théo’s waist as he squeals with laughter. “You know I can’t say no to him. He’s your kid!”

“Papa!” Théo giggles, wriggling until Lucas allows him to collapse with his head resting against Lucas’s chest with a huff. “You’re stupid.”

“Théo,” Eliott admonishes gently, coming to stand just to the side of the end of the bed. “We don’t use that kind of language.”

Théo sits up, turning to pout at Eliott in a way that reminds Lucas entirely of himself. “But you tell papa he’s an idiot all the time!”

Lucas doesn’t quite manage to smother his snort of laughter and Eliott sends him an exasperated look. “I know, baby,” Eliott begins patiently, “but your papa and I mean that word in a very different way.”

Lucas smirks, quirking an eyebrow and mouthing ‘What way?’ when he catches Eliott’s eye.

Théo’s forehead is wrinkled in concentration. “But how?” He asks.

“Just…” Eliott is clearly struggling to find words to explain himself. Lucas leans back with arms propped on the bed to appreciate the delightful sight of him trying. “We say it like… another way of saying I love you.”

And just like that Lucas wants to kiss him. He so badly wants to kiss him. Eliott’s eyes meet his and there’s the same yearning in his gaze.

“Me too!” Théo’s demanding voice immediately interrupts Lucas’s far too romantic musings. “I mean it too!”

Eliott shakes his head, chuckling softly. He looks to Lucas for backup but there’s not much Lucas can do but shrug, smile pulling at the corners of his mouth.

“So what were you two up to in here anyways?” Eliott asks, none-too-subtly changing the subject. The question serves its purpose however, and Théo is immediately distracted.

“Papa’s gonna do push ups with me!”

Eliott’s expression crinkles in confusion and his eyes flick to Lucas’s for explanation.

“Literally with him,” Lucas explains, leaning back onto the bed to demonstrate the push up motion with his arms. Théo nods eagerly beside him, looking back to Eliott for approval.

There’s a twinkle to Eliott’s eyes as he comes to understand their plan. “Ok,” he says, definite challenge in his voice, “let’s see then.”

“Really?” Théo and Lucas gasp in perfect unison.

“Really,” Eliott confirms, looking as though he’s one second from laughter.

Lucas meets Théo’s eye. “Ok buddy,” Lucas tips his chin down, looking at Théo seriously, “you ready to show that dad of yours what we’re all about?”

Théo’s face is all business and the sight of it nearly has Lucas cracking. He just barely manages to keep his expression neutral. “Ok, papa.”

This time around Théo lays himself across Lucas’s hands without even a hint of laughter, holding his body taught and still. He’s taking the task of showing off for Eliott so very seriously, Lucas can’t help but do the same, shifting his hands until he feels confident Théo is properly balanced and pushing up. Théo’s face immediately breaks into a smile the moment Lucas begins moving him, but he doesn’t break his pose, allowing Lucas to push him up once, twice, three times, over and over again.

In all honesty, it serves as a pretty effective workout. Lucas’s muscles burn. His biceps are unsurprisingly under a fair amount of strain, but his abs too are clenched with effort. He pulls his thighs slightly up towards his body as he tires, pushing Théo up one last time with a determined exhalation of breath, before he carefully brings him down again, letting Théo roll onto Lucas’s stomach and then off.

“Papa, you did it!” Théo crows, expression bright and joyous.

“Not bad, hunh?” Lucas smiles, sitting up and offering his hands up for a high-five which Théo gladly receives. “So,” Lucas looks up to where Eliott seems to have frozen while watching them, “what does our audience think?”

“Uh…” Eliott looks slightly shocked to be addressed and quickly clears his throat. “That was… yeah. Good. Really good.”

Lucas knows that look on Eliott’s face. He smirks. “Think so?” Lucas pulls his lower lip into his mouth, reaching down to scratch at his slightly exposed belly where his shirt had ridden up. Eliott’s eyes track the motion.

“Can we show Emmy?” Theo asks.

Eliott’s cheeks are far rosier than they had been moments prior and his eyes go quickly back to Théo. “Maybe later.” He rakes a hand back through his hair, eyes so obviously avoiding Lucas’s own. “Why don’t you go get your younger sister, and you and Julie head outside, ok, baby? Your cousin just got here.”

“Naima!” Théo shouts excitedly, quickly hopping off the bed. He reaches back for Lucas’s hand, dragging him up to a standing position. “C’mon, papa!”

Lucas chuckles and moves to follow before he’s stopped by Eliott’s firm hand on his chest. “No, you go ahead, Théo. Your papa and I will catch up. Tell your Uncle Idriss he’s to look after you guys, alright?”

Théo looks suspiciously between them both for a moment before he seems to realize any further questions will only delay his opportunity to play with Naima. “Ok!” He promptly turns and goes running out of the room, shouting as he goes. “JULIEEEEEEEEE, NAIMA IS HERE!!!”

Eliott gently closes the door behind him, turning back to face Lucas slowly.

“Why Princeling,” Lucas begins, tilting his head with a cheeky smile, “if I didn’t know better, I’d say you were planning on taking advantage of my weakened state.”

Eliott advances on him quickly, hands moving to Lucas’s waist, steps not slowing until he has Lucas pressed up against the wall next to Théo’s bed, breath warm against Lucas’s lips. “Do you have any idea how hot you are?”

Lucas expels a laugh that’s more air than anything else. His voice when it comes out is shakier than he would have expected. “My muscles get you going, Princeling. Think I don’t know that?”

“Not just that,” Eliott disagrees, eyes tracking across Lucas’s face. “You’re just…” One of his hand’s moves to cup Lucas’s face, thumb brushing along his cheekbone. “You’re just such a good dad.”

Heat spreads through Lucas’s chest at the pronouncement. “Yeah?” He smiles and knows his face is flushed with his happiness.

“Yeah,” Eliott confirms, eyes landing on Lucas’s lips. He brushes his thumb along the plump lower lip.

“And that does it for you, hunh?” Lucas teases.

A small smile pulls at Eliott’s mouth as his eyes meet Lucas’s. “You have no idea.”

He kisses Lucas as though it were their first time. It’s something Lucas will never tire of… the way Eliott kisses him. As though he’s been waiting years to do so. As though he may never have the opportunity to do so again. Lucas opens his mouth to meet the demand of Eliott’s, groaning happily as their tongues meet. Eliott’s hands move back into Lucas’s hair, gripping the strands tightly enough to have goosebumps rising across Lucas’s skin. He breaches the distance between their bodies, positioning a thigh between Lucas’s legs as he presses him back roughly into the wall. And Lucas is so on board with this plan. So entirely on board, just…

He pushes Eliott back enough to break their kiss. “Eliott,” Lucas attempts, but Eliott is not to be discouraged, his mouth moving down to Lucas’s neck, teeth scraping against the tendon he finds there. Lucas tries again, “You really gonna defile me in our son’s bedroom, Princeling?”

That gets Eliott’s attention. He raises his head, looking confused for a moment before he glances around them. His nose wrinkles with displeasure.

Lucas chuckles. “Our bedroom is across the hall. Think we can make it?” He’s only half joking.

Eliott’s face lights up with a mischievous smile. “No.” But he’s pulling Lucas towards the door with urgency anyways, wrenching it open and pausing to kiss Lucas at the threshold, pushing him back against the door jam.

“Bedroom. Bedroom,” Lucas repeats, and they breathe against one another’s lips.

“Bedroom,” Eliott agrees but makes no moves to disengage himself from Lucas’s body.

Lucas laughs, turning their bodies before shoving Eliott with some force until his back hits the closed door to their bedroom. Eliott laughs delighted, reaching for Lucas’s belt loop to drag him forward as he fumbles behind himself for the door handle.

“Hey!” It’s Idriss’s voice calling from out-of-sight at the bottom of the stairs. They both freeze in immediate unspoken agreement that the less noise they make, the less likely they are to give themselves away and have the unthinkable happen… to be cock-blocked by Idriss. “I’m giving you assholes a half hour before I’m dragging you out of there. Half hour, you hear me? Better make it count!”

Eliott grins, wrapping an arm around Lucas’s waist and pulling him close enough to press a kiss to the tip of his nose. Lucas’s entire body feels as though it’s glowing with his happiness and it’s a comfort to see the same radiance on Eliott’s face.

“Let’s make it count.”

❤️❤️❤️❤️

The IG story (gif made by @ariavds​ thank you brat): 

[stranger-who-writes-fiction]

Been having a weird/off week. But you know what’s made it better?

Spending some more time in Midvale with Supergirl Ep. 6x06, “Prom Again!”

Spoilers!

So! Last week was the fun shenanigans/set-up, THIS WEEK we get the emotional pay-offs and oooooh. So good. So good.

Historically, Supergirl kinda struggles to stick its landing when it comes to paying off its set-ups, but I think this episode is really solid in that regard.  

And thus, we begin! With the forest showdown! And I love it. Love every part of it. Love Kara flying in and freeing Nia and Brainy with her heat vision, love that one of Kenny and Kara’s go-to plays is called ‘Speed Racer’, love Brainy’s whole, ‘my buddy’s gonna BLAST YA if you don’t cooperate’ and Kara just. Threatens the bad guys from the shrubbery.

She’s supposed to be scary and intimidating with the heat vision eyes but dagnabbit...it’s just kind of cute.

Last week I completely forgot to mention how much I love that Kenny and Kara have go-to plays WITH NAMES. (NERDY names at that!) And also that Alex is so exasperated by it.

JUST YOU WAIT, KIDDO. 

Fast forward to the Fortress and everyone’s happy! The day is saved! The timeline is restored! Alex apologizes for being a bit of a grouch!

*cough* understatement *cough*

And Brainy doesn’t get the fist bump, d’awwwww. XD

Nia has a lovely chat with Kara wherein SHE is the elder hero who inspires the youths. Nice. NICE.

And THEN, the first of some good Danvers Sisters scenes...we’ll call this one ‘the mini-van chat.’ 

Kara apologizing about the ‘Zookeeper fight-y thing’ and the GLASSES FIDGET.

Shout out to the writers, who were ON-POINT with the dialogue for both parts, and shout out to the young actresses as well. It’s...honestly uncanny, how well they nailed playing Kara and Alex. 

(I mean, we knew this already, of course, but GOSH. What a wonderful showcase. So, so glad, that we got such a large Midvale story in the final season.)

Right, so, another dialogue highlight from the mini-van chat (but like, not in a silly way. More in a, ‘oh wow that’s very sweet’ way) Alex, to Kara about her choice: ‘It’s the right one because you made it.’

THESE KIDS.

Then we go to Nia and Brainy on the Legion Cruiser!

Nia’s outfit? Outstanding. Brainy’s mask? Admittedly a little distracting because it didn’t look like it was fitting quite right.

But A+ song choice for their dance, show. 

(Really, A+ song choices across the board. You can tell they were absolutely LOVING getting in all those needle drops.) 

And then we discover--ALL IS NOT WELL! THE TIMELINE IS STILL BROKEN!

Cat Grant has released the aliens! And she has been captured! And yet she remains heckin’ fearless!

Love that she calls Mitch ‘Mr. Blue Sky.’

It took me a while to warm up to this ‘new’ version of Cat Grant but this episode really gave her some fun stuff to do and yep, I dig it. Great stuff. 

Meanwhile, back at the prom...

I'm taking this moment to applaud the Supergirl folks for their very nice workarounds for ‘crowded’ locations this season thus far. The episodes have never felt like, overtly obvious in terms of Covid protocol impacts (I mean there are a few scenes here and there where you’re like, ‘oh, yeah, this is set up in this specific way to probably account for some production changes) but I’ve never felt that the episodes are losing anything, you know?

Case in point! Two episodes, set in a crowded high school! But most of the stuff takes place before/between classes, or outside!

(Specifically enjoyed all the outdoor stuff and natural lighting. It’s not quite the same as that LA sunshine, but. Still nice.)  

Anyways, in “Prom Again!” the action/discussions are set in the hallways/classrooms outside of the actual Prom. Inobtrusive! Makes sense for the story! Doesn’t compromise!

Gold stars for everyone. 

Kara and Kenny are BOTH unrelentingly cheesy--Kara even says as much--and it’s wonderful.

‘Hey Stargazer.’ Kara, you smooth operator you.

Shout out to Kenny’s bowtie, it’s great.

...Shout out to Kenny in general.

(Like, Will is great, but he’s got a lot to live up to, now.)

So FURTHER PROOF THAT THE TIMELINE IS BUSTED: Kara is going to stay in Midvale!

:O

Me, knowing full well that Kara has to go to National City, but also being...just a liiiiittle bit team Kenny: 

And then...THE METEOR!

That Kara just. Body-slams.

It reminded me of another Danvers, who also body-slams some space stuff:

But UNLIKE Kara’s cross-company cousin, this particular move does not end well!

Because there’s KRYPTONITE! And also, a CLOAKED SPACESHIP, BLOCKING THE FALLING METEOR DEBRIS! And, you know, ALIEN HUNTERS THREATENING HIGH SCHOOLERS! And Kenny SACRIFICES HIMSELF FOR KARA!

(Well, okay. It’s tonight but you get the idea.)

Poor, sweet Kenny. Who feels WAY out of his depth as he’s imprisoned alongside Cat on the alien ship...but it does bring us one of her patented ‘tough love pep talks.’ Wherein she calls Kenny brilliant.

And also, Kendall.

Never change, Cat. Never change.

Also, “Go, go.”

Okay, some more rapid fire specifics that I enjoyed so that this list doesn’t get...too? Long? ...No promises.

Smol Kara squaring her shoulders in that classic Kara Super Pose! 

Alex being able to pick a lock!

Kara using the reflected sunlight from the moon to heal!

‘That’s an 80% failure rate’ ‘Oh yes it’s terrible.’

The scene where the police have Kara, and Alex comes rushing out all, ‘that’s my sister!’ and Kara’s gonna just RISK EVERYTHING to fix this?

100/10, excellent, love to see that Danvers Sisters angst in the Worst Timeline. Also? Alex’s desperate little headshake, silently pleading for Kara to NOT DO THE THING???? Devastating. In the best way.

‘The world will know that name...Keira.’ 

No Plutonian Landshark sightings!?!? Not even a graphic on a computer screen? FOR SHAME!

(Personally, I’m imaging that they look like Jeff, pictured below.)

Kara stowing away on the Cruiser, and her very cute, ‘Don’t be mad!’

Her entire speech about her future--She’s just seventeen! She doesn’t have her driver’s license yet! Eliza’s only let her do the laundry once! She’s not even sure she can make rice!

(Eliza, I love you, but for Pete’s sake, let your kid do her own laundry.) 

Brainy and Kara trying to play it cool upon being discovered by Kenny and Alex! 

Their story involving an excess of formal wear!

Nia inspiring Cat to start CatCo, and telling her she’s CAT FREAKIN’ GRANT!

“If you say Lois Lane I will expire.”

Wait, did I mention the lucid dreaming power yet? ...Nia’s lucid dreaming power!

The entirety of Kara and Kenny’s talk in the gym!

Kara in the Worst Timeline tell Alex, ‘you don’t have to shout’. And then in the Fixed Timeline: ‘inside voice please.’

And she quotes Monty Python that lil GOOBER.

THE WHOLE EPISODE(S) was a GOSHDARN DELIGHT, I TELL YA. (Did I say that last week? I might’ve said that last week, but I don’t care.)

And now, some slightly more in-depth, overall thoughts:

So, How ‘Bout Them Danvers: Not surprisingly, the girls end up in, if not the exact same place as the end of “Midvale”, then pretty darn close. I’m trying to avoid, like. All of fandom, these days, but unfortunately, the bad takes are numerous, and often untagged. So I did see a bunch of people insisting that Kenny living ‘ruined the Danvers’ relationship’ and that the show is ‘taking away everything that makes Kara Kara’

To which I say:

In the broadest terms, what needs to happen by episode’s end to match up with “Midvale”, and prep the kiddos for the stuff that happens in the Pilot - Kara needs to put the aspirations of super-ing on the backburner, and Alex needs to like. Not hate Kara, but also be committed to helping Kara keep her secret, you know...secret. 

All of these things are set up. I repeat: All. Of. Them.

And Kenny didn’t have to die!

(I will admit, I chuckled that they so blatantly teased an untimely demise for him...because I know it will annoy select corners of fandom.

Muhahahahaha.)

But anyways, back to those key ingredients for making a ‘Danvers Sisters in the same emotional place they were in @ Midvale’s end’ soup: Alex deals with that simmering resentment. Seeing Kara handle herself well in a super-ing context gives her that little, ‘hey, this isn’t so bad!’ outlook.

BUT INTERESTINGLY, in the Fixed Timeline, Alex and Kara don’t have that chat in the supply room, where Alex is like. ‘You CANNOT reveal your powers, BAD THINGS will happen if you do.’ 

That is saved for the Pilot!*

MEANWHILE. The Kara ingredients! She puts super-ing on hold. 

Her chat with Kenny functions as a replacement for her chat with J’onn-as-Not!Alura, in the sense that it’s here that she reveals that she didn’t choose to come to Midvale, she didn’t choose these powers. 

(...I can already sense fandom using those lines to prove their end-of-series theories and like. Ugh. Ugh.) 

But anyways. It’s also here that we get shades of Pilot!Kara, what with the season one conflict of being Super vs. being normal. 

It’s ALL THE SAME STUFF.

Fandom needs to like. Chill. 

And their (fake) concern for Kara’s characterization is entirely misplaced, because this was a really wonderful showcase for Kara in particular.

Like. The first episode was really Nia’s time to shine, and we still got solid Brainy and Nia action in this episode!

But man. That good Kara content.

THE CONTENT I CRAVE!

So speaking of good Kara content in particular, I LOVED Kara’s prom dress. It's got both a SKIRT. AND PANTS!

Amazing.

I know nothing of fashion, but it was very cute, very girly, and okay. Though I hate the comic, the one thing I actually liked about Future State is Kara’s costume. This was similar!

(Thank goodness it looked nothing like the prom dress from Rebirth. That...was a bit of a train wreck.)

(Look, not all comic artists are great clothes designers, it’s just how it is.)

We see the empowerment theme come up with Kara inspiring Kenny; he describes her as ‘an amazing light in a world of darkness’ and tells her that, ‘you changed me, Kara Zor-El.’

We love to see it. 

They also agree that stargazing and Monty Python make for the perfect prom these absolute NERDS I love them.

*Quick wibbly-wobbly, timey-whimey note WRT making this episode ‘fit’ with the Pilot: I’m not saying that it 100% does. There’s already the change with the Kryptonite, and the added info/awareness of the DEO. 

Those little changes, though, don’t really impact the overall arc of Kara and Alex, the way the emotional stuff might. 

Thus! The ‘Pilot’ of Earth Prime, and in fact, the ENTIRETY of the show’s run thus far most likely involved little differences throughout, but the emotional core is very close, if not the exact same.

BUT EITHER WAY, it doesn’t matter, because our Kara and Alex are still our Kara and Alex thanks to the multiple sets of memories! 

(So all of fandom’s freaking out is for naught. As it almost always is.) 

I bring this up because, again, as much as I talk about setting stuff up for where we find Kara six years from now--this Kara is a little different! She comes across as more confident, something Izabela Vidovic mentioned in an interview, when discussing her approach to playing Kara this time around. 

And now, Alex: Admittedly, she gets less focus as like, a solo-entity in these episodes--she really is there to serve the more Kara-centric plot. Personally, it didn’t bother me too much because outside of these flashback episodes, Alex has had some solid development and screen time, so. It balances out.

And the scenes we did get with those 2? Solid. Top tier. There was even a couch scene! Like, technically. Because there was a couch in the supply room. XD  

Spotlight on Kenny: fandom kinda loves to insist that all the men on Supergirl are trash, because, ya know. 'Feminism’ or whatever. It’s ships, it’s always ships. But, in fact! The dudes on Supergirl? Are actually wonderful! And Kenny is another example of a guy who isn’t afraid to be emotionally vulnerable, who 1000% supports Kara, but is also like. His own person. 

GOOD JOB, SHOW. GOOD JOB.

Brainy too, had some really nice stuff in terms of dealing with his emotions!

And it’s Brainy who gives us our closing line, as Nia asks him how he’s feeling now that they’ve accomplished their mission:

“Hopeful.”

NOICE.

In conclusion! “Prom Night” and “Prom Again!” were EXCELLENT! They had heart! They had stakes! They had the promised time-travel do-over alluded to in the titles! Outstanding performances from the entire cast! Tthe ‘young’ versions of characters in particular! And I WILL be watching these episodes on repeat throughout the three-month hiatus! XD

But before the Super Friends take their break: NEXT WEEK! The Quest for Kara Concludes!!!

[seven-homosexual-dinosaurs]

Reunions

Alright, so I couldn’t recover the first copy, so this is my attempt to recreate the original. Once again, constructive criticism is highly appreciated, tell me how I did!

Summary: After three agonizing months, the kids manage to track their parents down.

Mary: 15 y/o

Lizzie:7 y/o

Eddie:1 and a half y/o

Mae:6 m/o

Mary hesitated at the door. In hindsight, planning for this occasion probably would’ve been a good idea. Oh well. Not much she could do at this point. 

A part of the teenager was eager for what was to come; after all, it’s not everyday you reunite with your mother, who by the way, you haven’t seen in around thirty? Five hundred? Fifteen? Whatever, point is, she hadn’t seen her in a while. Just the idea of being in her mother’s safe embrace once again was enough to bring her a sense of happiness and contentment.

But then again, what if the queens and her mother were upset at the atrocities she’d committed in her first life? Mary sure as hell was no saint, and she’d be the first person to tell you this. But perhaps the joy of being reunited with their children would outweigh whatever resentment the queens held towards her. She sure hoped so.

She shifted Ed in her arms, rather accustomed to the familiar warmth he emitted. Upon reincarnation, the kids had found that both Mary and Ed had higher body temperatures, most likely due to the fact that both of them had died of illness in their first lives. None of the children seemed to have any issue with this, on the contrary, they often flocked to Mary during cold nights, something Mary found both endearing and incredibly annoying when she’d go use the bathroom in the middle of the night only to find herself met with two whiny children, furious their blanket had the audacity to leave them cold at night, if only for a couple minutes at most. 

She absently wondered if her mother would be the same, as they both died of illness.

A tug on her dress jolted her from her train of thought, and she turned downwards to be met with Lizzie, a pained look on her face.

“Mary, how much longer? Mae’s heavy and I’m tired,”

Sure enough, upon closer inspection, Liz was panting slightly, her face tinted a bright red. Mary felt a jolt of guilt at this realization, offering Liz a sheepish smile and a pat on her head. Seeing as two of the siblings weren’t able to walk yet, they’d had to settle for carrying their younger siblings. At first, Mary had been rather reluctant to let a seven year old carry a baby, but with no other alternative options, Mary had settled for carefully handing Mae over, explaining how to carry her to ensure she wouldn’t fall and making Liz promise not to drop her.

Inhaling shakily, Mary turned back towards the door. She raised her hand to knock before changing her mind and settling for the doorbell. Better chance of someone answering.

After a couple seconds where Mary began to worry no one would answer, a series of rapid footsteps and a hurried “Coming!” alerted her to someone coming. She waited awkwardly for a couple more seconds before the door swung open to reveal a tall woman, clad in a red hoodie with the words “QUEEN OF THE CASTLE” written out on the front in gold. 

Taking a moment to compose herself, Mary spoke up.

“Um... is this the home of Catherine of Aragon?”

Christ, she was a queen, why on earth did she have to sound like an awkward teenager?!

The woman’s expression immediately became guarded. “Why do you ask?”

Really, Mary should’ve thought about how this must look. Four shifty children show up at your door asking for your housemate. Hmmm, yes, not suspicious at all.

Mary drew herself to her full height, hoping to appear more confident than she felt. “I am Mary Tudor of Aragon. Here with Elizabeth Tudor Boleyn, (Liz waved shyly from behind her) Edward Tudor Seymour, (Ed yawned and snuggled into the crook of her neck, fast asleep) and Mary Seymour Parr (Mae looked up at the sound of her name). We’re here looking for our mothers,”

A stunned silence followed her declaration. Mary awkwardly shifted her weight like the awkward teenager she now realized she was. Was she too forwards? No, that couldn’t be it, she was simply stating the facts. Perhaps sensing the tension, Liz spoke up:

“I want my mummy!”

Liz’s words seemed to jolt the woman from whatever trance Mary had put her in. She stood up straight, rubbing the back of her neck awkwardly.

“Right. So. Um. Whatever I expected, that definitely wasn’t it. Uuuuuuh.... I don’t suppose you recognize me?”

Mary face scrunched up in concentration. Whilst this woman did strike her as incredibly familiar, she couldn’t quite place her. Giving a defeated sigh, she shook her head. The woman offered a sympathetic smile.

“That’s fine. I’m Anne of Cleves, Anna of Cleves Anna von Cleves, whatever’s easiest. Y’know, your mom’s fellow divorcee buddy,”

Mary nodded. Now that she thought about it, she should’ve guessed this was Cleves. Always wearing red, a chill, relaxed energy that could disappear the moment she thought you posed a threat to her family, plus that calm, mellow voice that Mary’d become so accustomed to in her first life. Really, Mary was surprised it took her this long to recognize her. Cleves continued:

“Alright so, you can just wait here in the entrance- don’t touch anything. Children or not, Jane will show no mercy to anyone who breaks that vase, yeah, they were gifts from the ladies. You guys wait right there, I’ll go get Lina,”

 And with that, Cleves took off up the stairs, murmuring something that Mary didn’t quite catch, although she did make out a “Holy fucking shitballs holy fuck fuck fuckfuckfuck,” Before a loud “LINA HOLY SHHHHhhoooooot,”. That last statement was accompanied by an apologetic look sent in the kid’s direction and a questioning look on Liz’s face. Yep, definitely Cleves. 

Mary hesitantly entered the home, waiting for Liz to walk in with Mae before closing the door behind her. Looking around the entrance, she saw the vase that Cleves was referring to. It was a light blue flower vase, decorated with various musical instruments. Looking around some more, Mary’s eyes landed on a coat rack, six variously colored coats on the hooks. Mary immediately decided she liked the yellow-gold coat most.

As her eyes travelled around the room, a collection of pictures hung up on the wall caught her attention. A woman with dark hair held up in two buns flipping the camera off with one hand, the other slung around a laughing girl with bright pink hair held up in a high ponytail. A blond haired woman giving an exasperated smile to the camera as three women played some sort of board game in the background. The woman with the buns was yelling at Cleves, who by the looks of it was having the time of her life as the pink haired girl facepalmed from her position between them.

Before she could investigate any more, a set of voices caught her attention. The first one, she recognized as Cleves. The second, she-

Holy shit.

She’d know that voice anywhere.

Oh fuck fuck fuck fuckfuckfuckFUCK.

She was not ready.

But still, time waits for no one, and Mary could only wait for the inevitable.

The two came into view, Cleves holding her hands over Aragon’s eyes while Aragon’s lips turned up into an amused smile and holy shit she missed that smile.

“Anna, I swear to god if this is another prank-”

“Relax, I get the feeling you’re really gonna like this,”

“Somehow I don’t trust that,”

Cleves shot Mary an ear splitting grin as Mary swallowed the lump in her throat. Now or never.

Grinning, Cleves ripped her hands away from Aragon’s eyes. “SURPRISE!”

Time seemed to freeze as the Spaniards made eye contact. Mary became acutely aware of how quiet the room had become and for the first time, Mary felt she could properly use the expression “You could hear a pin drop,”. Forcing the unease she felt down, Mary forced herself to speak up. 

“Mum-”

All attempts of speaking were silenced as Mary was suddenly wrapped in a bone crushing hug. Tears sprang to her eyes as holy fuck she was in her mum’s arms again and she’d forgotten how safe and strong her arms were and all she could smell was mum and she just felt so safe.

“Mami” Mary choked out, wrapping her free arm around her mother, tears running down her face like water dripping down a window during a storm.

“Mija” Aragon answered, digging her face into Mary’s hair, both women clutching each other as if the other might disappear if they let go, and with everything that had happened in the past few months, Mary wasn’t quite sure that wouldn’t happen. However, this moment, as all good things do, came to an end. Ed it appeared, didn’t quite like waking up squished in the middle of a hug, and promptly burst into tears.

Aragon blinked, seemingly surprised by the sudden outburst. She then looked behind Mary, and it just then seemed to dawn on her what was happening.

“Is that-”

“Yep!” Liz shouted, popping the “p”. Pointing an accusatory finger at Mary, she continued.

“You got to see your momma, I want mine!”

Aragon detached herself from Mary to her disappointment and crouched down to look Liz in the eyes.

“Well little one, I think that’s an excellent idea,” turning to Cleves, she began,

“Can you-”

“Already on it,”

And with that, Cleves took off up the stairs once more.

Aragon turned back to Liz, observing the way she shifted and struggled under Mae’s weight. “She seems a bit heavy for you love. Would you like me to carry her?”

Liz turned to Mary for confirmation, and upon receiving an affirmative nod, turned back to Aragon and nodded. Aragon carefully took a curious Mae from Liz, who sighed in relief at the absent of the sixteen pounds she’d been carrying earlier. Mae simply stared at Aragon before looking down and trying to fit her fist in her mouth.

An unfamiliar voice attracted all of their attention. The pink haired girl from the pictures was descending the stairs, her attention on the hoodie clad woman behind her. 

“What do you mean they’re back? How do you-”

Her mouth opened in an “oh” at the scene before her. She stared at the children for a couple seconds before turning back to Cleves. “I take it you want me to call everyone at once?”

“Please Kitty Kat?”

Kitty Kat? Mary turned to her mother for an explanation, only to be met with a mouthed “I’ll explain later”

Kitty Kat turned back to the kids, clasping her hands together. 

“Alright! So could you cover the little one’s ears please? This could get a bit messy,”

Mary complied, covering a still sniffling Ed’s ears. Aragon covered Liz’s ears, who in turn covered Mae’s. Inhaling deeply, Kitty Kat turned to the stairs.

“ANNIE GET YOUR ASS DOWN HERE OR THE COFFEE’S FUCKING GONE!”

Mary briefly wondered how that single call was supposed to summon three women before she was met with three ear-splitting shrieks.

“KATHERINE HOWARD YOU BETTER STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THE COFFEE!”

“LANGUAGE!”

“KAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT!”

Ah, so that was Howard.

Turning to a horrified Cleves and a slightly impressed Aragon, Howard smiled sweetly. “Done,”. She then turned to address Mary and Aragon. “Yeah, you might wanna keep their ears covered for a bit more. Mary nodded carefully, slightly worried of what was to come. Three pairs of footsteps thundered down the stairs as the last two women from the pictures flew down the stairs, accompanied by a third woman.

“Katherine Howard you will stay away from the coffee or so help me,”

A woman with curly black hair wearing a light blue hoodie.

“Kitty, let’s watch the language, k love?”

The blonde from the picture, this time clad in a light grey sweatshirt.

“KAAAAAAAAAAAAT!”

The woman with the buns from the picture, wearing a bright green crop top with the words “Not today Satan” written on it in cursive.

Kat smiled and jerked her head towards the entrance. All women froze at the sight of the children. The blonde’s hands lifted to her mouth as the woman in the blue hoodie’s hands clutched at her chest. The woman with the space buns fell to her knees in shock. Liz, who had been covering Mae’s ears with the concentration of someone trying to defuse a bomb, looked up at the women who has entered the scene. Her face lit up as her eyes landed on the woman with the space buns. “Mummy!”

Liz sprinted into Boleyn’s open arms as the two Boleyns clutched each other tightly.

“Lizzie? Oh my lord Lizzie please tell me it’s you. Lizzie tell me I’m not dreaming,” 

Liz, who it appeared was trying to crush Boleyn in her hug, hummed contently. Howard gently led the two to the couch, where she sat them both down. Liz latched onto Boleyn’s neck, while Boleyn, for once in her life, seemed completely speechless. Howard, perhaps sensing her cousin wouldn’t be speaking anytime soon, took charge. Turning to Liz, she offered the girl a wide smile.

“Hi Lizzie! I’m your aunt Kitty!”

Liz returned Howard’s smile with her own toothy grin. 

“Hi aunt Kitty! Look, I found my mummy! I lost her for a while, but I found her again!”

Howard laughed heartily. “You sure did!”

Across the room, Mae began fussing. Seemingly upset at the lack of attention she was receiving, she began whining and grabbing at the nearest person, who happened to be the woman in the blue hoodie. Aragon smiled at this. “Looks like the little one wants her mummy, don’t you baby?”

So that must be Parr.

Aragon placed Mae in Parr’s arms, who held her like she was made of glass and could shatter at any second. Mae immediately relaxed in her mother’s arms, snuggling into her hoodie. Parr cleared her throat awkwardly.

“Hi Mae, it’s mummy,”

Mae blinked up at her before giving a wide yawn. Parr laughed.

“You sleepy? Well love, I think after the day we’ve had today, we’re both gonna need a long nap,”

Mae yawned once more in response, prompting another laugh from the blue queen. As she shifted the babe into a more comfortable position.

A loud cry rang throughout the room, catching everyone’s attention. Mary awkwardly rocked a sobbing Ed, her attempts proving futile. Aragon stepped closer to her. 

“I think it’s about time little Eddie got his turn, don’t you think?”

Mary nodded, turning towards the last woman, who she supposed must be Seymour. Seymour waited eagerly, a cross between anxiety and excitement. Mary placed Ed, who had since stopped crying and was staring at Seymour curiously, in her waiting arms. Seymour inhaled shakily before beginning.

“Hi baby, I’m your mummy,”

Ed stared at her blankly before reaching a grubby little hand out to grab at her face.

“Ma!”

Seymour gave a watery laugh.

“That right Eddie, I’m your mummy!” Her voice cracked nearing the end of her sentence as she let out a choked sob, clutching Ed tightly to her chest. Ed seemed rather unperturbed by this and settled for sticking fistfuls of Seymour’s hair in his mouth, who seemed just as unconcerned for the baby trying to eat her hair as Ed was for being stuck in his mother’s loving embrace. Smiling, Mary turned to look around the room.

Boleyn, who it appeared had regained her voice, was bouncing Liz on her lap as Howard told her stories of the shenanigans her mother had gotten into in her absence, Boleyn jumping in periodically to add a detail that Howard had forgotten. Parr was rocking a drowsy Mae to sleep, quietly singing a lullaby that Mary didn’t quite recognize. Cleves had joined Ed and Seymour and was entertaining Ed with funny faces and voices. Seymour seemed to have calmed down and was bouncing Ed, who seemed enthralled by Cleve’s voices and faces, on her knee. His shrieks of laughter echoed throughout the room.

Mary gave a contented sigh and pressed herself to her mother’s side, basking in her warmth. She was right, her mum was rather warm. Giving a final look around the room, she finally felt fully at peace. It had taken three months. Three agonizing months, but they’d made it. And suddenly nothing else mattered, because these children, these beaten, broken children, were whole again.

[datawyrms]

Ectoplasmic Bonds

Dannymay2020 Day 30: Family

“AHA! I have found you, ghost child. You are no match for my peerless intellect!”

This was weird. Not the ranting and dramatic posing in midair, that was just Technus being the weird little boaster he was. The fact he was boasting at a park with no gadgets in sight was the confusing bit. He’d expected the Box ghost or some random animal when his ghost sense rudely interrupted his Saturday, not the tech crazed monologuer. 

“I didn’t know we were playing hide and seek!” His hands glowed green, ready to blast the second his foe made a move. “I know a great place you can hide though!”

“Playing? No, we are not playing hide and seek!” the ghost crossed his arms, almost looking insulted. “We are playing BASIC HEALTH EDUCATION, for your feeble mind is clearly LACKING THIS DATA”

“Uh. What.” Danny blinked, eyebrow raising in bafflement. Blasting the ghost would probably be best, but he hadn’t even taken advantage of his blank stare.

Technus shook his head and tisked at him. “Your cousin let us know about your RECKLESS BEHAVIOUR, ghost child! It is a wonder that you haven’t collapsed!”

“My cou-Dani? Wait why would Dani be buddies with you?” the green glow snuffed out, brain struggling to figure out what was going on. Was it April first? Was this a really complicated distraction plot?

The green skinned ghost tisked again. “By being as reckless as you! Young and thinking you are invincible!”

Well that answered approximately nothing at all. Yet the ghost did seem to be serious, he was getting the distinct impression Technus was scolding him. For something. Maybe he was just having a weird dream. “I still have no idea what you’re babbling about.”

“Your education is LACKLUSTER, child! How can you not know you are starving yourself? You are more a ghost baby than a ghost child!”

“Well excuse me for not getting the ‘ghosts for dummies’ book!” he snapped back, wondering if he should go after the ghost for that baby comment.

“Ah, ah, I am not fighting a half starved toothpick! You put those fists down, child and listen to your elders!”

He was totally scolding him, what the heck. “Ghosts don’t eat, what are you even on about?”

Technus put his face in his hands. “The youth of today! So uneducated!” Yet when he looked back up he just seemed more determined. “Fear is all well and good child, but it is no replacement for ectoplasm! The state of your cousin was appalling!” He seemed to notice how Danny tensed at the mention of ‘cousin’ and continued. “She is FINE thanks to our cardboard enthusiast!”

“Well uh. Thanks for helping her out?”

“It was AVOIDABLE! If you were not so reckless in hanging around over here all the time! Do you WANT to start falling apart from lack of ectoplasm? It is distinctly UNGROOVY”

...Was he actually worried about the two half ghosts? Weird. “Errr no, I would not like to do that, thanks.” He had enough nightmares from just seeing it happen to the other clones.

“Then you must stop AVOIDING returning to the ghost zone! You have not come in over a month! Perhaps exhaustion is a thrill to you, but you take it to RIDICULOUS levels! The cousin was quite WORRIED for you, ghost child!”

Dani had managed to set Technus on him for...not going into the ghost zone. What. That was important? “I don’t think I have to-”

“YOU DO! Do you think ectoplasm will rain from the sky for you here? NUH UH. IT DOES NOT.” He seemed larger,  looming over the teenager as he pointed at him. “You might have a big battery but it will still RUN OUT. Then no more RECKLESS ghost child!”

Why did he feel so embarrassed? Why was he even letting Technus of all people chew him out? “Okay, okay! I get it!”

“GOOD. Puddles are very BORING nemeses!” He glared at the jumpsuited teenager for a moment longer before vanishing, apparently planning to keep his word on a lack of fighting.

He really, really hoped all this was just a very dumb dream. People had definitely seen the encounter, it was pretty hard to overlook two ghosts yelling in a park in the middle of the day. Mom would probably call it proof that all his fights were staged, or something fun like that. Not that the truth of ‘he came to yell at me because I’m bad at being a ghost’ was much better.

Mom’s pondering at the table in the evening shot any hope square in the chest. “I suppose they do look similar, colour scheme wise. I’m not sure it’s any proof of a familial relation though, there’s no real reason for such relationships”

Jack nodded, scratching at his jaw before adding his thoughts. “Maybe new ghosts cling to older ones at first before separating off to do their own thing? Phantom’s got some electricity powers, doesn’t he?”

“He does, they do share the tendency to never stop talking as well, come to think of it.”

It was very difficult to not respond to that remark. He was not the kind of scenery chewer Technus was! This was going to be a looooong night.

“It’s just strange. They’ve never shown to have a friendly relationship before now. If they wanted to take the town for themselves it’d make more sense to let Phantom stay ill.”

“Even ghosts want to protect the young of their species?” Jack frowned “I didn’t think the spook was actually a young spirit though.”

“True. Technus might only call him a child because of his appearance. Yet it did look like a parent scolding a child, didn’t he complain about the youth?”

“Well if we can nab one of em, we can see if they share or have similar ectoplasmic signatures! It could be an instinctive thing if they’re ‘related’ that way.”

Danny worked to suppress a groan, rubbing at his forehead. Great. Now they thought Technus was his ghost dad. All his dated references were going to be way worse now! He so wasn’t like him! The second his friends found out it was going to be their new favourite joke.

-

He never did manage to figure out how to track Dani down, instead getting surprised by her with a tackling hello.

“Does this count as a ghost attack?” he asked, smirking as the the ghost snickered at the question.

“I dono, does it? You aren’t fleeing in terror.”

“Maybe I’m just an out of towner that doesn’t believe in ghosts“

Dani shrugged before landing, taking a few glances around before shifting back to her human form. “Then I guess I’m a ghost that doesn’t believe in ghosts either.”

“New outfit?”

“Yup! And it’s all mine,” her grin was infectious as she grabbed the edge of the thick purple hoodie, fiddling with the dark lining that seemed to have a scattering of stars. “I don’t even feel cold in the zone with this on.”

“You know you don’t have to live in the ghost zone, right? Jazz can probably make up some forgotten branch of the family you’re from, or something.”

“What, and join you in tip toeing around ghost hunters that love and hate you at the same time? No way cuz. If I wanted that, I’d be with Vlad.” she paused with a frown. “Well okay, it was fake love but you get it.”

“Too well.” he shrugged, trying to ignore the rush of irritation from his parents being compared to that absolute fruit loop. “What did you drop by for then? Seeing as you sent Technus after me last time. Which I’m still mad about.”

“Oh you know, catch up with Val, enjoy some sunlight. Nothing big.” she rolled her eyes “I didn’t send him after you! I just mentioned to Boxy how you don’t go to the ghost zone much and I guess he spread it around?”

“Well thanks to that people think Technus is my dad!”

“What, he’s not?” she burst out laughing from the other half ghost’s full body shudder, ducking the half hearted snowball thrown her way.

“Oh you think it’s funny now, just wait until they start saying it about you too.”

“Nope, still funny! Besides, I already got a ghost dad.”

“You what.” he stared, but she didn’t seem to be kidding. 

“Well after the whole Boxy making sure I didn’t drop dead from lack of ectoplasm thing a lot of ghosts kinda felt bad for me?” the dismissive wave of her hand seemed a bit forced. “Way easier to deal with over there than with humans. They knew I didn’t really have a place that was mine so they let me stick around for awhile.”

“I guess that was nice of them. You sure it isn’t some trick?”

“You worry too much cuz. You really think I wouldn’t have been super suspicious at first? Already did that once!” her glare made him blush, rubbing the back of his neck. Stupid question, of course she’d be careful after Vlad. “Being a clone with no papers is way easier in the ghost zone, so spending most of my time there just makes sense.”

“Yeah, I guess it is,” He couldn’t imagine wanting to live in that green chaotic world, but he actually had a decent amount going for him on this side. Dani...didn’t.

“So yeah, basically got adopted by Nocturn. He helped me figure out the design, it’s reversible.”

“Wait wait NOCTURN? The guy who tried to put everyone to sleep to take over the world? That one?!” he sputtered, only causing his clone to laugh again.

“Yeah? Everyone likes to try and see how powerful they can be sometimes, did you take it personally?”

“Yeah a little! People could have been hurt! And he dumped me on a random rock in the ghost zone! Then tried to kill me!”

“Everyone tries to kill you.”

“Like that makes it better?! He’s a nutcase!”

“Or maybe you’ve only actually met him once? Everyone wants to try messing with Amity Park at one point. It’s just a thing to try, since you never really seriously hurt anyone.”

“Now you make it sound like the ghost attacks are my fault.” he muttered, quickly realizing Dani didn’t care if he wasn’t exactly a fan of the dream ghost.

“Well they’d come anyway because the human world is cool. Some of them are totally only coming to try stealing the town from you though, sorry cuz.” she shrugged again “Oh! Noc’s pretty impressed by your ice attacks by the way, but he’s still pretty sure Frostbite could help with a few things.”

She nicknamed him! “Noted. Uh. Maybe tell him not to do the whole take over the world and kill me thing again?”

“He won’t. One, I consider you family. Two, watching and learning from dreams is more his thing. The take over the world bit was more of a ‘sure why not give it a go’.”

She seemed so relaxed, even while his mind was yelling that she couldn’t be safe around a ghost like that. Yet she was the one who mostly lived in the ghost zone. She probably would know a lot of his foes better than he actually did...though it still rankled. “Well I’m glad you found more family over there. But I’m not inviting him for lunches.”

“You’ll have to be the one to come visit sometime! You have no idea how scared some ghosts are of you, it’s hilarious. They don’t know you’re a total dork.” She perked up when he stopped crossing his arms.

“Hey, that just makes you dork squared ya know.”

“I don’t think that’s how it works.”

“Sure it does. Or not. I’d have to ask Tuck.” he managed to keep smiling, trying not to think too hard about why he’d be considered terrifying to ghosts.

“Or you could ask your daddy” her smirk was vicious as he let out an offended squawk, flinging another snowball after her.

“Don’t even joke about that!”

“Tooooo late! Bye cuz!” her laugh was warm and carefree as she fled from her flustered cousin, vanishing as she darted behind a large bush.

Probably off to go find Valerie now then before headed back home. Still, it was good to know she had a home to go to now. Even if it was with some ghosts he usually had to beat up. Family reunions would be a whole lot messier if she kept that up. Though really, she deserved any kindness she got.

He still wasn’t going to forgive her for the Technus thing though. He was going to need to brush up on dream and sleep puns for proper retaliation. 

[gayidungeon]

Gronksgiving

You are at Thanksgiving dinner at your uncle Rob Gronkowski house, the football player for the New England Patriots. Everyone has left leaving you two alone to clean up. You have been doing this every year since you were little and it is always a good time.

Rob tossed a football in the air. His stomach hangs out. He ate so much. Your mom would be proud of what you did today.

"Hey, you can do better than that." You say as he throws another one.

He looks down and smiles. "Yeah, I know." As he pretends to fumble the ball and you fake out a catch. He looks surprised and smiles as you drop it. "Oh whoops, I guess it was a fumble after all!"

Gronk grins. "Hey come here, let me hike it to you" he says. He gets into a three point stance waiting for you to get behind him.

You get behind him and get into position; your head right infront of his massive ass. You know what he's planning, he does it every year to you. You let him though because he ways find it hilarious.

"Red 52, red 52" he says.

"Down. Set.." instead of saying hike, he shifts and rips a massive fart in your face. You always know when it's going to be bad one when he has a goofy grin while he does it. It burns your eyes and you fall on the ground choking.

"Oh come on, I said I was going to do that!" he laughs as you get up and rush him.

He hugs you tight. "I trick you into that every year."

"Yeah I know."

"How many years has it been now, eight?"

"Yeah. Hey, can we do something else now. Like wrestling."

Rob laughs again. "Sure thing buddy. You're on."

"SWEEEEEEET!"

You both change into your sweats and grab a Soda. Rob heads to his room and grabs the step ladder and stands in the middle of the room. "Ready?"

You love when he does this, it's one of the three favorite things you get to do every year. You nod eagerly and get crazy psyched up as he sets the ladder down.

"Wrestle!"

The wrestling match follows the same pattern it always does. You choke him with the rope, slap his fat stomach and get him in a head lock. He's so much bigger and stronger that he could probably out muscle you into submission but Rob has never taken advantage of that. For some reason he lets you get in these really good holds on him.

"Yep I'm winning" Rob says as he collapses on his sofa.

You tackle him extra hard, punching his shoulder pads as hard as you can. "I think you're losing."

"Nope, I'm still winning" he says through a laugh.

You climb on top of him and start wailing into his stomach as hard as you can. That's one of the other best parts about coming here, is how strong you feel after playing with Rob. Sometimes you think he's part ogre. "Ok, ok stop." He says shielding his face.

You don't stop.

"Stop or I'm going to start farting" Gronk threatens you.

You laugh and continue hitting him. He grabs you hand and flips over pushing all of his weight on top of you as you hit the ground hard.

"See I told you I was going to win" Rob says in between laughing.

You look up at him. "Only because you cheated."

"I did not!"

"You broke the rules, no cheating!" You smack his belly. It jiggles like the moon in the water.

"Ooooooh you're going to pay for that." Rob says as he mimics tearing off your arms and beating you with them.

"No, I think your punishment should be a stinkface" Rob says. You know what that is. It's one of the worst things ever.

"You got to be kidding me." You beg as he sits on your chest.

"Nope."

As you try and fail to push him off he grabs your wrists and puts them behind your back. You feel your arm wiggle around as his massive butt thrusts into your face. "Stop, please stop." You whimper as your nose is hit by a wall of awful.

"You can always give up" he laughs.

You try and fail to get him off you as he sits on your nose. You're crying, tears flying everywhere and dripping off his cheeks. You'd laugh if you weren't crying for real.

"And here it comes" Rob flexes as he starts farting in your face.

"NO STOP!" you yell as he flexes his butt muscles one last time and holds the pose. Mucus flies out of your nose and into your mouth, it tastes awful.

"Go on. Say you love uncle gronk's farts"

You push and struggle but you can't get him off of you. Your face is soaked in tears, snot and nasty gas as Rob laughs at your misery. Eventually you give in and whisper it. "I love uncle gronk's farts."

He finally gets up and lets you go. You let out a yell as the tears keep coming and you lay on the ground hopeless.

"I think that's the most fun I've ever had" He says as he pulls his shorts back up and waddles over to you. You wince as he picks you up easily. He sits down on the sofa and you sit in his lap as he puts his arm around you. You bury your head in his fat chest as the tears finally stop. The smell is still there, but it's fading slowly. He gently pushes your head back so he can look at you.

"Thought we were done with that." He laughs as he pats your head softly.

"Sorry, I just get emotional sometimes." You explain as you wipe your nose on his sleeve.

"It's OK, but I got a question. Why in the hell did you pick me?"

"What do you mean? You're the only option besides my parents." You say confused.

"Yeah but I'm a weirdo and you know it."

You pause for a moment as you try and think of an answer. "The truth?"

"Of course.

"You're the closest thing to a father I have. I know you're weird and all but I like it. You take care of me and stuff when you're not being a jerk."

"I thought you hated me because of all the farting." Gronk says.

"Yeah sometimes you're horrible, but I know deep down you're a nice guy. I'll put up with your stupid shenanigans because despite it all I think you care." You pat his belly. It's not as hard as a few months ago, you know it won't be long before he gets back to his regular flabby self.

"I had no idea." He says as he hugs you closer.

You wince as feel his sweaty belly fat against you. It's gross and smelly but right now it feels warm and welcoming.

"I love you too buddy" He whispers in your ear as you bury deeper into his embrace.

You hear him fart into the couch cushions. "Well you asked for it" he laughs as you laugh to yourself thinking about how crazy your life is.

"Well as long as it's not in my face" you say to him.

"That'sif you're lucky kid".

"What do you mean?"

"I love farting on faces." Gronk says. "I love seeing the looks of shame and horror on their faces."

You sit up as he laughs. "Well it's an acquired taste."

"Haha kid you'll get there soon enough". You lean back and snuggle into his belly again. "I love you Gronk, I really do."

His stubbly chin rubs against your forehead as he chuckles out loud.

[doodles-by-noodles]

hOW HAVE I FORGOTTEN TO POST THIS FOR SO LONG-

I did this for my good ol buddy @tiny-prom of their characters Zach and Iree. I love these silly kids so much and I will never stop loving them. 

This is actually a redraw of something I did a metric forever ago but to keep the main portion of this short I put the original and some works in progress under the cut! 

I drew this original piece about 3 year ago now and whoo boy a lot has changed! It feels like just yesterday I was still using msPaint to do all of my work and struggling to get my shading the right color. Anatomy and posing is actually something I understand now, and the lighting looks a lot more ambient in the new version. 

My process for redrawing this was unlike a lot of the stuff I usually do. After deciding on poses and such, I actually colored my sketch and mapped everything out before doing the full on line art. I was going for something way more emotional and moody since the original looked very flat and unfeeling.

Once it got to the line art itself, I took my time to actually make everything just how I wanted it to be. You know how they say the sketch is always better than the final product? I felt that for almost the entire time I was working on the line art and even more while trying to do the final coloring job. 

(I really liked how this work in progress version looked tbh. I’m really happy about how Zach’s legs turned out even though they can’t be seen in the final version :/)

I had a lot of fun with the whole process of drawing this and I’m certainly proud of it. This feels like such a milestone in my art journey and I wonder what my younger self would think if they could see me now. After I turned one bit of art for a friend into something that has a home in my portfolio. If this is the progress I’ve made in 3 years I wonder whats coming next! 

I’m breifly gonna ramble about something a bit more sappy so if you were just looking for the works in progress you don’t have to read past this but I just wanted to get a little something out in the open. 

I am so incredibly grateful for my friends. People like @/bears-and-pears, @/tiny-prom, and a few others that don’t have tumblr. The original drawing I did for this was something that came from us interacting and it’s amazing to think that after all these years we’re still homies with one another, still drawing and creating things to share with one another.

Every time we talk, weather it’s exchanging ideas or something we made I feel so happy. I am thankful every day we became friends, even on the days we don’t interact. You guys are great and I wouldn’t trade ya’ll for the world!

Tl;dr - I love the homies and had to say it publicly. 

[shapeshiftinterest]

This Could Be Us But You Playin': badgermao & shadow badgermao (CH 3)

Mao and Shadow Mao return to see that the HQ has been trashed

Adorabat explains

sidenote: she doesn’t know what the Badgerclops’ were talking about, just that BC was choking on some toast

story under the read more

This Could Be Us But You Playin' (also on ao3)

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4

Both Maos dropped their grocery bags in shock, eyes widening. 

Mao held his head in disbelief as Shadow Mao lifted a hand to where their mouth would be and let out a silent gasp.

The living room, office, and probably the kitchen, were all a mess. Papers were scattered everywhere and a good half of the furniture was overturned. 

The living room table was split in half, random memorabilia still on fire. Burnt toast was everywhere, on the floor, the walls, even the ceiling. And was that- 

“SOFIA!!“ Mao cried, rushing over to the rafters. “Don’t worry, we’ll get you down from there!“

While Mao was freaking out over the couch, Shadow Mao sprinted towards the kitchen. 

His boyfriend was doing a hand stand while Badgerclops sat backwards in a chair and drew his portrait... in ketchup. Shadow Mao looked past them to see Adorabat T-posing on the kitchen table.

But where was- 

*thump*

The sound brought his attention to their adopted deputy, stuck head first in a box of cookies and struggling to get out.

“BADGERCLOPS WHERE ARE YOU?!“ Mao shouted from the living room. 

“UH, I’M KINDA BUSY HERE MAO” he scoffed, continuing to smear ketchup on the canvas. “Some people just don’t appreciate my creative ways, y’kno?“

“DROP WHAT YOU’RE DOING AND HELP ME WITH SOFIA!!!“

“NO WAY MAN, DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS TO PAINT SOMEONE DOING A HANDSTAND?!?!“

Shadow Mao shook his head at them before trying to get Shadowbat unstuck, gently tugging the box off their head and wiping the crumbs off.

They blinked and ‘squee’ed at their guardian, the bat’s eyes turning into happy slits as they rubbed the top of their head against his chin in thanks.

Shadow Mao set them on the table next to Adorabat, who was now shoving pieces of toast in her mouth and offering a few slices to her new table buddy.

Mao had also moved to the kitchen and was now in a shouting match with Badgerclops while Shadowclops buttered another piece of toast and watched.

They noticed their shorter companion walking over and handed them a slice with some jam on it, shoving the other 3 pieces into their ‘mouth’ and leaning against the counter.

The cat shade crunched half of it and tossed the rest back to their companion, who snapped it up mid air, before quick stepping behind Mao and putting a hand on their shoulder.

Mao paused, looking over his shoulder at red eyes. He glared for a bit and sighed, pinching the bridge between his eyes. 

“Alright, just. Everyone into the living room. Badgerclops, could you please help me get Sofia down from the rafters.”

                      -after getting sofia down and putting out the fires-

The Maos stood in front of the broken coffee table, arms crossed as they looked at their deputies.

“Can any of you tell us what happened to HQ while we were gone?“ 

The deputies shared a look but stayed silent.

Mao glowered, foot tapping impatiently. Shadow Mao picked up a piece of toast and waved it at Shadowclops. ‘What’s up with all the burnt toast??’ they signed.

Shadowbat rubbed the back of their neck with one of their wings. 

Mao looked off to the side, “Fine, you leave me no choice, but to withhold the snacks we brought for you until further notice.“ 

Four sets of eyes snapped to attention.

Badgerclops gasped, “You wouldn’t dare!”

“Oh, but I would. And the longer you say nothing the colder they’ll get.”

‘You monsters!’ Shadowbat signed.

Shadowclops put a hand to his forehead, feeling faint.

“Wait!“ Adorabat called out, just as the Maos were going upstairs. “We’ll tell you.“

“Adorabat what are you doing?“ Badgerclops whispered.

“It has to be done! I wanna know what they got us.“

He made a slightly troubled face before conceding.

Adorabat took in a breath “It started like this.“

                                 -a few minutes after the Maos left-

Badgerclops walked into the living room, an Adorabat on each shoulder. Shadowclops looked up from their borrowed Switch but kept pushing buttons rapid fire.

“Sup shadow me, wanna join us and mess around with the toaster while the Mao’s are gone? We’re gonna see how much bread it takes to built a fort out of toast.“

Shadowclops nodded eagerly, saving their game and tossing the Switch onto the couch.

                                   -an ungodly amount of toast later-

“It’s so beautiful.” Badgerclops choked out, wiping a tear from his eye. 

Shadowclops put a hand on his shoulder and handed him a napkin, glowing with pride at the toaster fort they’d made in the living room around the couch. 

All four deputies were decked out in their own toast outfits, personally decorated with different colored jams.

“Badgerclops, we should take a picture to show Mao Mao!“ Adorabat said, tugging on his belt.

“Good idea 'dorabat.“ Badgerclops pet his toolbelt pockets. “Now where did I...?“

Shadowbat swooped over them, dropping the phone into his hands.

“Oh sweet, thanks lil dude.“

They gave him a thumbs up from their perch on Shadowclops’ shoulder.

“Ok everybody, say, ’deputies!’“

“DEPUTIIIIEEESSS!!!“

*click!*

‘Send that one to me.‘ Shadowclops signed.

“Fo’ sho my guy, fo’ sho.“

It wasn’t long until the four were tag team playing against each other. 

Badgerclops fell back against the back of the couch, careful not to knock his toast crown against the top of the fort as he passed his controller to Adorabat.

Shadowclops sat on the opposite end, decked out in similar toast duds. The two watched as their smaller deputies duked it out on screen. 

He leaned over, catching the other’s attention. “Hey so like, what’s up with you and Shadow Mao?“

Shadowclops turned his head and tilted it. ‘What do you mean?’

“I dunno like,” Badgerclops covered his mouth, whispering “why d’y’all smooch so much? Are you heroes with benefits or something?”

He jokingly wiggled his eyebrows at the other and broke off one of his shoulder armor toasts, biting through half of it before reaching for the peanut butter jar.

Shadowclops snickered, signing something that made Badgerclops’ face burn. Most likely due to choking on his toast, but also from embarrassment.

‘Are you ok?‘ Shadowbat signed, their head popping over the edge of the fort to look at him with concern, miniature toast crown slipping a little.

“Y- *hHrGk* yeah,” Badgerclops hacked, giving the Adorabats a thumbs up “never better!“

Shadowclops thwacked him on the back as he continued to wheeze. 

“Thanks man.”

‘no problem :).‘

Absentmindedly he shoved his other shoulder toast into his mouth. Anything to get his mind off of Shadowclops signing ‘dude, we’re lovers, lol’. 

Sure, he’d thought about it a few times when he was alone, or when he and Mao’d had a soft moment together.

And yeah, maybe they made out before when they’d been on the road *cough* and in his art and some of his dreams *cough*. But officially?

Badgerclops’ brow furrowed and he crossed his arms. Officially they were partners, co- heroes. They were best buds protecting Pure Heart Valley along with Adorabat.

He glanced back at Shadowclops, Shadowbat was splitting part of their crown and giving him half. He wondered what it would be like to have that kind of relationship with his Mao.

“Whoops!“

Adorabat’s controller clattered as it hit the floor, skidding under the couch and breaking Badgerclops out of his thoughts.

“Sorry! Could one a y’all get that for me?“

“Oh yeah, sure.“ 

He blindly searched for the controller with this robo arm, something thunking against it. “I think I got- oh no. GET OUTTA THE WAY!!“

Badgerclops’ arm started to spark, flipping through different modes before settling on the blaster setting. 

“Nonononono. SHADOWCLOPS, SAVE SOFIA- AAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!“ he yelled, arm rapid fire blasting through the toast fort and parts of HQ.

Badgerclops rushed out of the fort, tripping on the living room table and breaking it in two, a wayward beam taking out part of the ceiling.

His shadow version managed to yeet Sofia into the rafters a little farther in.

Shadowbat was frantically trying to remember where the fire extinguisher was and just kept breaking thing she thought it would be in. 

Meanwhile the strength of the blasts had forced Badgerclops into the kitchen, where he and Adorabat were hitting his robo arm in an attempt to dislodge the magnet stuck inside. 

Adorabat gave up once the toaster exploded, poking at the base of the prosthetic the way she’d seen Mao do before. 

After a few tries the rogue arm sent out a strong blast, catapulting itself through one of the closed windows and into the forest.

All of them were breathing heavily, Badgerclops went to get his spare arm while the other three put out some of the more immediate fires.

Tired, and still a little on fire, they sat at the kitchen table. 

“So it’s agreed? We don’t tell either of the Mao’s what happened here.“ Adorabat said, wings folded in front of her.

                                                 -present time-

“And that’s what happened!“

“Wait, so you’re telling us, that Badgerclops’ arm got a magnet stuck in it and is still blasting stuff in the forest?“

The deputies looked at each other. “Yes.”

Shadow Mao sighed rubbing his temples before looking at Mao and shrugging. 

‘We’ll deal with it later, groceries first.‘

“We’ve decided that because of the damage done to HQ, the four of you will NOT be getting your snackies,“ he paused “... until you clean this mess up and deactivate that arm.“

The deputies deflated. “And to motivate you to get the job done quickly,” Shadow Mao poured the contents of the bag into a bowl 

“tadaaa!! mini cobbler filled beignets, specially made from Muffins’ bakery.” Mao said with a flourish.

“OOOOOOHHHHH!!!“ The deputies leapt out of their seats, rushing to different parts of the room and getting started.

The Maos nodded at each other and Mao made his way to the kitchen, not noticing Shadow Mao sneak 2 of the treats to his shade deputies.

[beybladefanfictions]

On My Own - Chapter 2

(Description: A retelling of Kyoya’s arc in Metal Fury where he leaves the group. Because Kyoya is one of my favourite characters and the execution of that arc has been bothering me for nearly three years. Character’s thoughts are in asterisks.)

Kyoya and Yu hadn’t been fighting for long, perhaps a few minutes. However, Kyoya was already annoyed at how long the battle had gone on, with Libra dodging many of Leone’s attacks. *So much for finishing this quickly.*

“This is my and Libra’s new special move for ya!” Yu called, throwing his hand in the air. “Libra, final inferno blast!”

A beam of light exploded from Yu’s bey, shooting up into the sky like a laser. The ground shook beneath Kyoya. He stared in awe at the light as the familiar ringing sound pierced the air like a blade.

Across the stadium, Yu was laughing. “Psych!” he exclaimed once he stopped. “Final inferno blast is many times more powerful than inferno blast was, as you can clearly see.”

Kyoya stared down at Leone. His Beyblade was being pulled in toward the light, completely out of Kyoya’s control.

“Can Leone handle it?” Yu was goading him on. “It’ll be swallowed by the supersonic light and then sleep out!”

Kyoya just grinned at Yu. “You should take me lightly either!” He swung his arm, returning his gaze to his Beyblade. “Leone! Special move! King Lion Crushing Fang!”

Leone’s rotation straightened. Then, instead of trying to escape the supersonic light, it charged straight into it. Leone collided with the wall of light with its own wall of wind, eventually breaking through and slamming right into Libra. The supersonic light disappeared.

“What?!” Yu gasped as the two Beyblades landed back on the ground. “You actually survived my new special move?!”

“One attack didn’t finish it?!” Kyoya grunted to himself.

“It’s not over yet!” Yu retorted, gesturing for Libra to charge forward. “This battle’s just getting started!”

“This time I’ll finish you!” Kyoya called, commanding Leone to charge.

Just before their Beyblades could collide, a new Beyblade zipped between them, pushing Leone and Libra back. Kyoya and Yu gasped in unison. Their Beyblades flew in their hands as Kyoya and Yu looked up to see a new figure on top of one of the walls of the ruins. They were no taller than Yu and were hopping back and forth letting out strange noises.

“Who’s that guy?!” Kyoya asked, staring at the figure in confusion. The sounds were almost human-like but their face was hidden by a strange-looking mask.

“It’s the monster thingy!” Yu exclaimed, his eyes wide.

The Beyblade flew into the newcomer’s hand before they hopped down the wall and disappeared on the other side. Kyoya stared at the spot they disappeared.

“Yeehaw!” Yu cheered, hopping up like a rabbit. “There really is a monster after all! Did you see them there? They had a really scary face for sure!”

It took Kyoya a moment to realize Yu was probably talking to him.

“What was that Bey?” Kyoya asked aloud.

“Hey, let’s chase after him!” Yu suggested, running up to Kyoya. “We’re here to get rid of the monster, aren’t we?”

“Say what?” Kyoya asked, his eyes going wide.

Without warning, Yu grabbed Kyoya’s hand and tried to drag him forward.

“You said that’s why you came here!” Yu insisted, “Hurry up now!”

Kyoya yanked his hand away, blazing with anger. “Don’t touch me!” he snapped, glaring down at the shorter kid. “If you want to go, go by yourself! I don’t team up with anyone, understand?!”

“No touchy-touchy?” Yu gave him puppy dog eyes. “Why not? Why not?”

“I am a lion that lives in the wild!” Kyoya replied, without thinking. “I sharpen my fangs alone! I fight alone!”

“Hey, hey.” Yu smiled. “You’re like a lone wolf, that’s cool, pal. That’s so awesome!” Kyoya’s jaw clenched, though Yu’s tone seemed genuine.

“Oh wait…” His tone suddenly turned incredulous. “But you’re a lion, so that can’t be right. A lone lion, huh? That’s an even cooler animal!” He pointed at Kyoya very matter-of-factly as he continued, “But lions hunt in groups, don’t they? So I don’t really get it.”

Kyoya growled. He knew Yu was right about that last part, so there was nothing he could retort. Yu took off in the other direction.

“Come on, let’s go lone lion!”

“Look, kid!” Kyoya called, staying where he was. “Try listening to what I say for once!”

“Yeah, yeah!” Yu called back, stopping to run in place. “Just hurry up! If you waste time, he’ll get away!”

Kyoya let out a sigh. He did want to find the so-called “monster.” Whoever they were, they seemed like a strong blader and he needed to fight strong bladers in order to eventually defeat Gingka.

“This can’t be happening,” Kyoya muttered, following Yu at a casual pace.

The orange-haired kid slowed to a walk, allowing Kyoya to catch up as they made their way deeper into the ruins.

“Now listen,” Kyoya growled, “I’m just staying with you until we defeat the monster. Got it?”

*After this, I won’t team up with anyone else again,* Kyoya assured himself, *I’m still a loner. One time working with someone won’t change that.*

“Yeah, yeah I got it,” Yu grumbled, stopping in the middle of a crossroads. Kyoya stopped a few paces back.

“Okay, now is it this way or that way?” Yu asked out loud, looking between the two directions. “Boy, it’s like a maze in here.”

Kyoya stiffened. A strange sound carried on the breeze.

“Listen,” he muttered to Yu. The two of them fell silent. The sound of footsteps echoed behind them.

“There he is!” Yu exclaimed, whipping around and pointing at a small figure running through the ruins.

Kyoya and Yu ran after it. They chased the monster blindly through the maze whenever it showed itself until Yu got the admittedly good idea to block each of the paths until there was nowhere for the monster to hide. After that, it wasn’t long before they cornered the so-called monster. Yu and Kyoya stared at them.

“No way…” Yu sounded in awe. “Their face is even scarier up close, don’t you think?”

Kyoya’s eyes narrowed. “Give your head a shake, Yu. The creep’s wearing a mask!”

“A mask?” Yu tilted his head to the side. “Oh yeah, you’re right!”

“Okay, pal.” Kyoya took a step toward the ‘monster.’ “Take off that mask!”

The figure instantly began shaking their head and letting out sounds of protest, though none of them sounded like actual words. Kyoya let out a growl.

“Take it off or I’ll make you!” he snapped, clenching his fists. The figure fell silent. Kyoya gave them the deadliest look he could muster.

“Alright, alright I’ll take it off!” A kid’s voice yelped in reply. “Just don’t hurt me.”

Kyoya froze. The figure removed their mask, revealing a young-looking child with purple hair and dark skin. Kyoya’s eyes went wide. *A kid?! How did those villagers ever mistake this kid for a monster?!*

“You’re kidding. This is the monster?” Kyoya asked aloud.

“Who are you?” Yu chimed in. “Why were you wearing that mask, buddy?”

The kid struggled to meet their gazes. “Uh… I’m very shy is all.” Kyoya stared at the kid in confusion. He guessed they were a boy but it was hard to tell. “It’s true. That’s why I wear a mask: to hide my face from everyone. Like this.” The kid put the mask back over their face, shaking like a leaf in the wind. “I’m so embarrassed.”

“You’re the one that was attacking the villagers?” Kyoya asked, completely stunned. *How could such a little kid pose a threat to an entire village?*

“What are you doing out here anyway?” Yu asked, sounding more sympathetic.

“I’m shy so I’ve been living and hiding here so I don’t have to see anybody. Hardly anyone ever comes here. I’m just very shy and also very lonely.” *Where are this kid’s parents?* Kyoya wondered as the kid continued, “Sometimes I go down to the village because I want to play… but no one will play with me ever. It makes me sad but I also get hungry… a boy has got to eat. I just take the food and leave.”

*Oh, it’s a boy.*

“So that’s how the monster rumour spread in the village,” Kyoya mused aloud. *Wow, that’s really stupid.*

Yu let out a groan. “Oh no way, that’s so lame.”

“I just want friends.” Out of nowhere, the boy pulled out a Beyblade. “I want to make them through Beyblade is all.”

Kyoya took a few steps forward to get a better look at the Beyblade: it was mostly yellow with a white fusion ring and a serpent-like creature on the face bolt.

“That’s some bey,” Kyoya commented.

“What do you call it?” Yu asked, tilting his head to the side.

“It’s called Death Quetzalcoatl.”

Kyoya stiffened, “Death Quetzalcoatl?!” he gasped, his heart skipping a beat.

His thoughts travelled back to when he was still with the group, when Gingka and Yuki had talked about needing to find the Venus blader: someone with a Quetzalcoatl bey. *Could he really be a Legendary Blader?!*

“Why don’t you play with us then?” Yu’s voice shook Kyoya out of his thoughts. 

“Are you sure?” the purple-haired kid asked, looking unsure.

“Of course,” Yu replied with a cheerful smile. “I’ve been training by myself for a long time too so I really want to battle with someone just like you.”

“Is that a real offer?” the boy asked, his eyes wide. “Well, if you really insist, I’ll…” His gaze darted between the ground and Yu. I’ll let you battle me, I guess.”

“Yeah, let’s do it right now,” Yu suggested. “I’m Yu by the way.” He pointed at Kyoya. “And this is Yo-yo.”

Kyoya let out a growl, glaring down at Yu.

“It’s very nice to meet you, Yu…” He cast a glance at Kyoya. “Yo-yo.”

“Don’t call me Yo-yo!” Kyoya snapped back, “My name is Kyoya!”

The kid just smiled. “I understand, Yo-yo.”

Kyoya grunted and looked away. *Why do these kids treat me like some sort of joke?!*

Yu chuckled a bit. “So what’s your name?” he asked, looking back at the purple-haired kid.

“Tithi.”

“Tithi? Well nice to meet you Tithi. Now let’s go battle!”

Yu and Tithi took off in a sprint through the ruins, giggling excitedly as they pulled out their Beyblades. Kyoya hesitated for a moment before following them at an even pace.

*I need to see this. It seems crazy, but this kid could very well be a Legendary Blader. His bey does fit the requirements…* Kyoya shook his head. *But I only care so I can fight him and become stronger,* He insisted to himself, though a twinge of doubt accompanied that thought.

He followed Yu and Tithi all the way back to where the stadium was. Yu and Tithi took their positions. Kyoya stood a few paces behind Yu, his gaze intent on the two bladers.

“Ready?” Yu called, lifting his launcher.

The two of them began a countdown before launching their Beyblades into the stadium.

“Go Libra!” Yu called.

Libra charged into Quetzalcoatl. The bey smacked Libra back with more force.

“Woah!” Tithi cheered, his eyes lighting up. “This is so exciting!” He laughed a bit as well.

Libra looped around the stadium, smacking Quetzalcoatl from behind. Tithi just continued to cheer. The two beys screeched against each other for a few moments before Quetzalcoatl smacked Libra away. Yu let out a gasp.

Looping around, Quetzalcoatl hit Libra again. Tithi was squeaking and cheering with excitement as he sent his Bey crashing into Libra again and again. His shy demeanour from earlier had seemingly evaporated.

“This is so much fun!” Tithi cheered, hopping up and down. “Go Quetzalcoatl!”

“What’s with him?” Kyoya wondered aloud. “He was babbling about being shy earlier but now he’s as lively as any balder.”

“Counterattack Libra!” Yu called.

He sent Libra into Quetzalcoatl.

“Quetzalcoatl’s fusion wheel shouldn’t be taken lightly,” Tithi replied, still sounding weirdly cheerful.

Libra smacked against Quetzalcoatl repeatedly. However, it didn’t seem to faze the buffer bey. Without warning, Quetzalcoatl turned and smacked Libra backwards, sending it flying.

Yu gasped. “That fusion wheel isn’t just for defence! When it switches to offence, the large wing and fang-like shapes on it make it a deadly opponent.”

“Madoka would have given a much more detailed analysis…” Kyoya muttered aloud. His eyes went wide. *Why am I thinking of her?! I left that group and I’m not going back!*

Shaking his thoughts away, Kyoya squinted at the bey. Yu was correct. Quetzalcoatl had been switching modes, just like a Legendary Blader’s bey would...

“That is a pretty serious bey…” Kyoya commented, “But could it really have the power of the Star Fragment?”

 Quetzalcoatl was charging toward Libra, preparing for another attack. *He can’t win by just clashing head-on. What is Yu going to do?*

Libra began to emit lime green light.

“How about this?!” Yu called, flinging his arm forward. “Libra, sonic wave!”

Waves of light shot from Libra and flung Quetzalcoatl into the air. Tithi let out a gasp.

“Alright!” Kyoya called, smiling a bit. He was surprised to find himself cheering for Yu.

Quetzalcoatl landed a bit wobbly on the ground. Libra continued to shoot sonic waves at Quetzalcoatl, which the bey weaved around in order to dodge. 

“Sonic wave barrage!” Yu called.

Libra began to shoot larger sonic waves, one of them smacking Quetzalcoatl head-on and flinging it toward the edge of the stadium. It landed wobbling at the edge of the stadium. Tithi continued to cheer and hop around, his excitement as strong as ever.

“Your bey may be magical, but so is my Quetzalcoatl!” Tithi replied. “You can't’ defeat it that easily!”

“Magic?” Yu repeated.

“Quetzalcoatl’s rubber defence performance tip is a great magic performance tip that uses ‘da friction created by the rubber to increase defence and stamina,” Tithi explained.

“The increased friction from that performance tip also increases attack power,” Kyoya muttered. “It’s a very well-balanced Bey.” He let out a grunt, resting his hand on his forehead. “Now I’m starting to sound like Madoka.”

“Libra!” Yu called. “Sonic buster!”

Libra moved to the centre of the stadium. Then, with a resounding boom, the floor of the stadium began to turn into sand. Kyoya stepped back.

“The sand trap…” He murmured.

He remembered the very first time he fought Yu: during the final battle royale in the survival battle. Kyoya had lost that battle. His bey was on the verge of breaking to pieces but Madoka stopped that by launching her Beyblade in the arena and breaking through Kyoya’s special move. Once he found out what was going on, Kyoya forfeited the battle. It was his first and so far only time forfeiting a bey battle, but he knew it was the right choice. *If it weren’t for Madoka, Leone would’ve broken…* Kyoya let out a growl.

“Why am I remembering this now?!” He growled to himself. “That was months ago! I’m not the same blader I was back then…”

He turned his attention back to Yu and Tithi’s battle. Quetzalcoatl had gotten stuck in the sand and Tithi was calling out desperately to the bey, urging it to keep going. *He can’t be the legendary blader.*

“Awesome…” Tithi suddenly cheered again. “This is the first time my Quetzalcoatl has had such a difficult time winning a battle.”

Kyoya stiffened. *That’s exactly how I felt when I first fought Gingka…* He could remember that day like it was yesterday. It was back when he was still the leader of the notorious “face hunters.” Benkei and the hundred other face hunters whose names Kyoya didn’t bother to remember had challenged Gingka all at once and lost. That was when Kyoya realized he had finally found a powerful rival.

“I love this whole thing I tell you!” Tithi’s voice shook Kyoya out of his thoughts. “This is the best!”

Out of nowhere, a bright yellow light enveloped Tithi.

“What?!” Kyoya gasped aloud, taking a step back.

The power radiating from Tithi was strong, like the power that resonated from bladers like Gingka, Yuki, or Kyoya himself.

“I want this battle to go on forever! Do you understand what I’m saying: I wanna battle today, tomorrow, and every day until the end of time!”

“That’s all swell Tithi but the battle ends here!” Yu didn't seem fazed by the sudden energy radiating from Tithi and returned his gaze to the stadium. “Finish it Libra!”

Yu’s Beyblade began to charge toward Quetzalcoatl.

“I wanna battle more!” Tithi exclaimed. His Beyblade began to sink deeper into the sand, much to Kyoya’s confusion. *Is he throwing the match?!*

However, when Libra clashed into Quetzalcoatl, Libra was sent flying. Yu let out a gasp.

“It can’t race on top of the sand, that’s true,” Tithi was explaining. “But if it’s half-buried, then Quetzalcoatl’s defences are impenetrable. So keep attacking!”

*That’s clever… for a dumb kid.*

“This is crazy,” Yu grunted, sending Libra to attack again and again to no avail.

Tithi just laughed cheerfully. “Bey battles are so much fun. I want to keep battling forever and ever!”

“I only have one other option!” Yu exclaimed, gesturing for Libra to move away from the half-buried Quetzalcoatl.

Libra began to glow lime green. “Special move! Libra inferno blast!”

In seconds, a beam of light filled the stadium, making the ground vibrate beneath Kyoya’s feet.

“I’ll pull you right out of the sand!” Yu called.

To his shock, Tithi continued cheering.

“This is awesome! So cool! I’ve been waiting for this for ages. With you, I can fight with my full strength at long last.”

Kyoya bit his lip. *That’s how Gingka makes me feel. Hardly any bladers are strong enough to match my full power.*

Yu stiffened. “You mean you haven’t been using your full strength yet?!”

“Go now Quetzalcoatl! Ascent spark!”

Quetzalcoatl leapt out of the sand, flying higher and higher into the air as it disappeared. Kyoya stared at the sky in awe. Quetzalcoatl came crashing back down and an explosion rocked the arena. Yu was thrown backwards.

“I did it!” Tithi cheered, hopping up.

Yu’s special move had completely disappeared and Quetzalcoatl was on top of Libra, pushing it into the ground.

“Battling with you is such great fun! I wanna keep playing, okay?”

Quetzalcoatl hopped up and down on top of Libra, much like Tithi was. Libra was pushed deeper into the ground. Kyoya stared at Tithi. *It’s not just the bey that has great ability. He may act like an infant, but there’s no doubt. This kid is a Legendary Blader: the Legendary Blader of Venus!*

Kyoya let out a grunt. “I was trying to get away from all this Legendary Blader nonsense, and now this happens?!”

*Then why did you stay to find out if Tithi was a Legendary Blader or not?* a voice in Kyoya’s voice asked, almost taunting him, *You could’ve left well enough alone.*

Kyoya clenched his jaw. *I don’t care about the Legendary Blader stuff! I care about finding strong opponents and defeating them! It’s just for my training!*

“Go Quetzalcoatl!” Tithi’s voice shook Kyoya from his thoughts.

He looked back at the battle. Libra had somehow escaped Quetzalcoatl’s grasp and the two beys were charging toward each other.

“This’ll finish it for sure!” Tithi was yelling, “Special move, Quetzalcoatl! Ishtar impact!”

Quetzalcoatl rammed into Libra and a burst of light exploded from the stadium. Kyoya shielded his eyes. The wind blew in his face for a few seconds before ceasing. He looked up. Libra had disappeared from the stadium, leaving only Quetzalcoatl spinning in the stadium. Kyoya looked up. A piece of metal fell to the ground with a clink and only once it landed did Kyoya realize that the piece of metal was Libra! The Beyblade was now implanted in the ground of the stadium.

“I did it?” For a moment, Tithi looked stunned. Then he broke out in a cheer. “I did it! I won the battle!”

Yu fell to his knees, retrieving Libra with a sullen look on his face. Kyoya stared at Tithi. *The final Legendary Blader of the planets… I have to take him back to Gingka and the others.* Kyoya took a step forward. Then he froze. *Gingka?! The others?! No, I left them! I’m not going back! I wanted to find the Legendary Bladers so I could find them and defeat them!* Kyoya clenched his fist. Why did he have to remind himself of his own goal?!

“Yes!” Yu was exclaiming. Kyoya glanced at him and Tithi, who were apparently talking while Kyoya zoned out. “From now on, the two of us can battle as many times as we want to!”

“Yay! Hooray!” Tithi cheered, throwing his hands up in the air. “Then let’s battle again right now, okay?”

Kyoya stiffened. *No! I have to fight him!*

“Sounds great!” Yu replied, “This time, I’m gonna win!”

Not wasting any more time, Kyoya stepped in front of the stadium, putting Leone on his launcher.

“Wait,” he ordered, gazing at Tithi and Yu.

The younger kids looked up at him, their eyes wide in alarm.

“Playtime is over,” Kyoya growled, “I wasn’t trying to find you, but I did. So you’ll be the first one that I crush.”

“Huh?!” Tithi gasped.

“Battle me!” Kyoya exclaimed, “Legendary Blader of Venus!”

Tithi let out a shriek.

“He’s a Legendary Blader of Venus?” Yu cut in, “What’s that?”

Kyoya didn’t answer. He kept his gaze intent on Tithi, waiting for the kid to step forward and launch his Beyblade. Instead, Tithi turned to Yu.

“Yu, what does ‘Legendary Blader of Venus’ mean anyway?” he asked, tilting his head to the side.

Kyoya had to stop himself from facepalming. *Of course he doesn’t know!*

“Sorry, I don’t know either,” Yu answered.

“Quit stalling and get on with it!” Kyoya snapped, his hand clenching around the launcher.

“Wait!” Tithi exclaimed, stepping closer to Yu. “I want to have a fun battle with him! You’re too pushy!”

Kyoya stiffened. “Pushy?! I’m offering you a challenge so take aim already!”

Tithi let out a cry, stepping behind Yu and shaking like a leaf in the wind. Yu glared at Kyoya.

“Cut that out, Yoyo!” he exclaimed, shielding the cowering Tithi with his arm. “Tithi doesn’t want to battle you so back off! You’re not being very nice!”

Kyoya’s jaw clenched. *Nice?!* As he gazed at the cowering child behind Yu, his impatience suddenly turned to disgust.

“You coward!” Kyoya snapped, lowering his launcher. “What kind of BLADER doesn’t want to fight?!” He gestured to Tithi.

“Cool it, Yoyo!” Yu snapped back. “He’s just a little kid!”

“As are you!” Kyoya shoved Leone in his pocket. “Do whatever you want, but I didn’t come here to deal with brats like you! I came out here to be alone! I’m better off on my own, do you hear me?!” Kyoya’s words echoed through the mountains.

Tithi let out a whimper. He grabbed onto Yu, who pulled Tithi into a hug while keeping his narrowed gaze locked on Kyoya.

“Well go be alone then!” Yu snapped, “No one asked you to stay here, Yoyo! You’re just a big meanie, you know that?!” 

Kyoya didn’t bother dignifying that with a response. He just turned and marched away, unable to stop himself from bristling with rage.

[hellzyeahwebwielingessays]

The Not-So-Amazing Mary Jane Part 33: AMJ #5.2

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Master Post

Picking up where we left off last time. MJ is in the midst of fighting the Savage Six and has just attacked Tarantula.

Rhino charges at MJ only for us to get another splash page. She points out how it’s smarter to use Rhino’s weight against him kicks him. His causes him to fall down the slope, a fact MJ mocks him for and calls him a big bully.

Of all the pages in this issue this is the one I was most debating about. I didn’t like it when I saw it but I spent a good while mulling it over in my head. Could this moment be internally justified at all? However, looking at it again I’ve concluded no it absolutely cannot be.

Yes, in theory the idea is sound. Rhino is very heavy and so if he’s coming up a slope it would be possible for someone to use his weight+gravity to throw him off balance.

The theory is sound but the execution is not.

First of all as lovely as the colours and style of the art has been, Gomez has dropped the ball hard at depicting the terrain and movement of the characters. Once again we’ve jumped from one reaction to another with no idea how we got from A to B. it’s even worse when you consider they are both splash pages. What’s worse is that the slope doesn’t seem that steep based upon the art and his artwork poorly conveys the layout of the area where the fight is happening.

But what makes it worse is the idea that MJ has kicked Rhino down the hill. The sound effect is even ‘KRAK!’, implying she did some damage.

This is simply an absolute failure to understand both physics and Rhino’s powerset. MJ physically incapable of harming Rhino with a mere kick because his super strength, durability and suit would protect him, so why the hell is there a sound effect at all? Is her ankle breaking?

More poignantly, yes you could throw Rhino off balance with the slope, but not the way MJ does it. He has arms, he can stop his fall. And whilst his weight could work against him, you’d need a sufficient force to destabilize him. His weight and durability is simply going to make a kick from MJ incapable of doing that. Spider-Man with super strength has struggled to stop him mid-charge. A normal human kick won’t do anything.

Also the artwork fails because it’s depicting MJ’s kick and then the after effect of it on the same page. There should either be motion lines to convey how we got from A to B or panels simply depicting that.

Furthermore MJ’s dialogue here is questionable. In his most recent appearances the Rhino has been played as sympathetic, a man who’s return to villainy Spider-Man was cut up about because he showed genuine signs of wanting to change. Spidey even blames himself for Rhino’s renewed interest in crime.

It’s highly unlikely Peter wouldn’t have told MJ about this so her attitude to him is very questionable. It is also very contradictory considering she’s been so sympathetic towards Beck for five issues. But for a bad guy who is arguably nowhere near as bad and has shown more concrete signs of redemption she unflinchingly kicks him down, mocks him and writes him off as a big bully.

Finally WTF is Tarantula stuck in anyway?

The next page is yet another beautiful splash page of MJ tossing a fake dinosaur head at Stegron with her mocking him again.

The same problems from the other pages apply here. The only other things to add are how the fuck did MJ even lift that thing, let alone toss it on target. Also why is Stegron so horrified at this?

Oh no, an obviously fake dinosaur prop is falling on him. A prop obviously so lightweight that a normal human woman can lift and toss it. 

How on Earth can someone with a bulletproof hide and the immense strength of a literal stegosaurus possibly cope with such a situation. He couldn’t possibly lift  it off of himself. He can only lift up to 20-25 tons! He couldn’t possibly use that strength to swat it aside. He couldn’t possibly use his strength and claws (that can cut through goddam stone) to rip it apart.

No, all he can do is beg a normal human woman to stop her attack and then yell no.

Guess Mary Jane is just that fucking awesome. Can’t wait to see Spider-Man punch out Galactus next.

We then get another splash page, this one depicting the X-Men robots (who can mimic all of the X-Men’s powers sans Jean Grey’s) take on King Cobra. MJ meanwhile hangs back with Jean’s robot.

Again, the art and colouring of this page is beautiful, though the flow from the last page continues to be problematic. I also have no idea where those X-men robots came from nor how MJ had the time to activate them. Also I double-checked ASM Annual #1 where they first appeared and there were no Ice Man or Jean Grey robots. Likely because Lee and Ditko, clever as they were, figured that having robots mimic ice powers, telekinesis and telepathy would be too much of a stretch.

I will give Williams a pass on this though. With so much time elapsing it’s not unbelievable that Beck created new robots and technology allowed him to mimic ice powers somehow.

I will also give her a pass for not having MJ fight King Cobra herself. Initially I wasn’t because he’s so much weaker than Stegron or Rhino. But in reading up on his powers he’s actually very durable and deadly. Keeping her distance is genuinely the smart tactic here.

The problem comes from her doing the reasonable thing in this encounter whilst being played as so stupidly over capable against Rhino and Stegron. Instead of taking your earrings off, why not get the robots ready before the villains reached the fence.

Shit, why weren’t the X-men robots deployed as general security for the set? Or as weapons to be used to just beat up the Six in the first place? Between them, Mysterio, Master Matrix, Screwball and HERBIE, the crew had more than enough manpower and skill to locate and defeat the Savage Six?

Not only did MJ not contact the authorities or her super hero buddies but she had the means of actively defeating them herself but chose not to use it. Don’t give me crap about losing time for the filming either because she’s been uber great multi-tasking this entire series and more than willing to have stuff cut out from the movie due to time constraints.

God, this story just keeps getting stupider.

We get another nicely drawn splash page of MJ taking on Scorpion. She side steps him and causes him to get his tail stuck in the cement mixer.

Another well drawn page but how the fuck did MJ know that strike was coming? And how the Hell was she quick enough to dodge it? Last I checked Mj doesn’t have spider speed or a spider sense.

Vulture then does what he always should have done at the start of this fight and just picks MJ up in the air and then drops her into some scenery. He says he could just fly past her but decides to pay her back by smacking her across the face.

Why didn’t Vulture just fly past MJ in the first place?

Why does his claw tipped super strong smack across the face not kill or scar Mary Jane? Is he going easy on the person he has been willing to kill

How the fuck did falling from a height and crashing into a wooden set not kill or seriously injure Mary Jane? She has some scratches and maybe a hurt leg but that is literally it? She doesn’t have super human durability or protective armour! She would never be this unhurt. It’s not a matter of luck, this is just plain bad unrealistic writing.

And here comes some more. Wouldn’t you know it Mallorie, Diperna, a wardrobe girl, Kangaroo, Mysterio, Screwball, Master Matrix and HERBIE all happen  to come by the battle field together at that exact moment. Beck is surprised to see the six there. The two groups charge at one another.

What another spectacular coincidence for Mary Jane? And how fortunate for it to have followed right after she survived being dropped from the air too.

Also how the fuck did none of the crew members notice the Six or MJ’s battle with them until they were this  close?

Where the Hell have the X-Men robots disappeared to?

And what the fuck are three civilians like Diperna and Mallorie doing getting involved? Diperna is surely the oldest and probably weakest person there and he’s posed opposite the fucking Rhino!

On the next page Mallorie and Kangaroo beat up Tarantula. Master Matrix dismantles Scorpion’s armour. Beck checks on MJ and upon learning Vulture hurt her, suits up eager to pay him back.

Tarantula’s defeat is totally believable since he’s the most ‘normal’ of the Six. Master Matrix’s victory is also believable if he has control over technology (I can’t say if he does or does not). But what isn’t, is the fact that he could probably solo them on his own if that is the case. He’s the most durable, he can defy gravity and he could dismantle and use both Vulture and Scorpion’s tech against them. So why is he only  fighting Scorpion.

Also more shitty White Knighting by Mysterio. Isn’t he ust so lovable for defending the honour of his friend Mary Jane? If only Gwyneth had been his friend.

Beck uses his illusions to fight Vulture. In spite of this and in spite of beck appearing before him in costume, unmasked, with his real face showing Vulture doesn’t believe he is really Mysterio. He still insists that Beck is really Cage McKnight and that there is a master mind behind this. With that he flies away.

Vulture being jealous I can buy. Vulture being so arrogant and so stupid as to believe he could never be fooled by Beck’s tricks not so much. Beck’s master of illusion is legendary. He’s worked with Beck and other Mysterios multiple times. He’s seen how effective the illusions are up close. Vulture is arrogant but also crafty. When someone is obviously using an illusion on you, is dressed as Mysterio and has Quentin Beck’s face to continue to insist it can’t be Mysterio because you are too smart to fall for his tricks is asinine.

He’s not even claiming he can’t be tricked in general, but rather not by one of Beck’s illusions. Except Beck has major pedigree within the criminal underworld for his illusions. Goddam Norman Osborn hired him for fuck’s sake. It’s public knowledge that he fooled like a dozen heroes back in ASM v5 #1. Being fooled by that guy’s illusions isn’t something anyone would be ashamed about any more than they’d regard being outsmarted by Doctor Doom.

And why would Beck admit  it is he who is the director? Why blow his cover after all he’s been through to get this movie made? I get that they are within an illusion so no one else can see or hear their conversation. But he’s just told  the guy who’s determined to ruin his movie (which is his lifelong dream) that he’s really a criminal in disguise. In doing that he’s handed Vulture the self-destruct button for his movie. He’s unbelievably lucky Vulture is stupid enough to not believe the blindingly obvious evidence.

On the final page all the other villains are just gone with no explanation, just a vague implication they might have run away. So everyone goes out for sushi and we have a last panel that feels out of an 80s sitcom ending.

Because Williams is such a great writer she ingeniously left the fate’s of  the other members of the Savage Six to the reader’s imaginations.

We don’t see them running away. We don’t see them knocked out or tied up. They are just gone. Since none of them are teleporters it stands to reason they used the same van they came in. Which is weird since the implication seemed to be that it belonged to Charlie and that he left after dropping them off. If that wasn’t the case where did he go and why didn’t Master Matrix use his powers to subdue them using the van?

Or maybe they just ran away. Makes sense. I mean sure the five of them alone have collectively more than enough power to kill everyone there except for maybe Master Matrix but I guess Sonny Diperna the aging actor sucker punched the Rhino, the wardrobe girl kicked King Cobra in the nuts and Screwball did a hand stand on Stegron making him run away in fear.

Of course the real reason we don’t see what happened to the other members of the Six is because there was no reasonable way for them to have been defeated on panel so Williams and/or Gomez just cheated and didn’t show them at all. Much like how using the X-Men robots from the start or in the final battle would’ve ruined what they wanted to do.

God forbid they figure out a reasonable and logical way to resolve their story.

Nope. The super villains just disappeared with no explanation.

And since there is no evidence of them being apprehended by the authorities that means that the situation hasn’t changed at all. The Mysterio movie is still in production, the Six are still out there. They have suffered a setback but they’ve not been dealt with. There is nothing to stop them trying again and this time being better prepared since they know some of the costumed types within the crew.

Even if most of the Six decide that this is more trouble than it is worth, the Vulture definitely hasn’t. There is nothing stopping him on his own from trying again or from recruiting new people to help him.

Worse is that now Six  super villains have a grudge to bear against Mary Jane specifically. So now MJ and her loved ones could be in the crosshairs of super villains. Vulture in particular has a tendency to hold a grudge and MJ knows this from his encounters with both Spider-Man and even Aunt May. There are reasons Peter wears a mask and one of the biggest ones is that his enemies hold grudges and will try to attack him through his loved ones. Instead of taking off her earrings did MJ not think to try and disguise herself at all? You know protect the crew but also her loved ones if she makes it out alive?

But nah. Let’s just celebrate this as a huge win right? At least we protected Mysterio’s vanity project?

What a fucking train wreck. I feel disgusted that I supported this title.

I was always apprehensive of an MJ mini-series especially when it had the option of turning into an ongoing.

I disagree with an MJ ongoing on principle. But with this series I thought it would be at least decent even if I didn’t agree with it.

But it wasn’t.

It’s existence as an ongoing inherently removes Spider-Man’s best supporting character AND it has damaged Mary Jane, Mysterio and several other characters at the same time.

It needs to be discontinued as soon as possible and Leah Williams should not be allowed to do more Spider Work in the future.

Sorry, not sorry for being the only reasonable voice here, apparently the only person in the fandom who can see this series is garbage unworthy of the great characters its misrepresented.

Next time we push on into a new arc. God help me.

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Master Post

[jlf23tumble]

Agree so much with your post about the teams and fan engagement ! And love the way you articulated all of that. Although now I definitely am interested in knowing what your notes about the specificity of each team/artist cause I feel like they'd be fascinating to read. Hope you'll post them some day, and thank you for sharing your thoughts with us ! 😊

Awwww, that’s very kind! It’s definitely head canon city, I litcherally have ZERO clue what goes on behind the scenes (and I can’t stress this enough, none of us do), so this’ll look hilariously dated when we find out that blah woof was true all along, lmao (me @ myself, thinking of some random Grimshaw interviews from last fall, oh, bless). Let’s dig in!!

For those of you who just stumbled upon this post, it’s related to the one I made last night about how I think the management teams of all these men (mid-20s means = you’re a man, not a boy) are not, in fact, sabotaging them. They negotiate a lot of tricky interconnected arrangements that none of us are privy, to, plus they’re at least trying to achieve the goals their clients are going for. And they’re doing it—the trick is these goals are highly individual and not 100% sensical (at least given our own view from the afternoon, Arctic Monkeys ref, holllllllah!!!).

In addition, these goals constantly shift, as does the music industry itself—I drive my own self loony when I lurk on blogs that are seemingly broadcasting from 2012, confused by why xx’s team is so “terrible” because they aren’t throwing good money after bad to get on a radio playlist, or why they haven’t announced yy “properly,” as if they’re being paid to worry about this level of shit (which fires me up on about five levels, deep breaths in, deep breaths out). I’m much nosier about the signals we’re getting when we hear them talk in their beautifully media-trained way about their musical interests, when we get some of that sweet, sweet fan service with a Gallagher or a Capaldi, when we get that heads up about who’s attending what concert, stuff like that. These signals don’t necessarily indicate future collaborations, but they DO indicate what kind of image these guys want to have, the kind of music they want the public to associate them with.

Anyway, I’m getting ahead of myself…their personalities and goals at the moment are all so vastly different, and I truly do love seeing how their teams are workin’ it accordingly. Again, please @ god, don’t @ me…opinions, massively unpopular opinions, dead ahead!

* Zayn. My read on Zayn is that he enjoys the creative process, loves writing and singing, digs collabing with people, but he doesn’t seem to give two shits about the biz side (and why should he? that’s called living the dream at this particular point in his career). His website recently added “tour,” which EYEBALL EYEBALL, but he doesn’t seem to be all that interested in putting himself back out on stage or into radio/print/etc. anytime soon, and again, why should he? His numbers are HUGE without pushing himself through the anxiety-provoking churn he endured for four years, so there’s no real drive for him to do any promo if he doesn’t want to (see: the netflix-like binge dump of Icarus Falls, which could be “sabotage,” or it could just be, “fineeeeeeee, here’s some stuff for you, enjoy”). What other artist gifts his fans with gorgeous covers of such a wide variety of songs that indicate he’s more interested in sharing them than selling them. Accordingly, his fan interactions seem fairly pure and not all that promo-y: he has a keen interest in fanart, he’s done some fan pop-ups/listening parties that are pretty low-key and *seemingly* fan-focused, and recently (with zero anything to really promote), he’s been posing for cute pics and chatting with randos on the streets of NYC. I recently read that his mgmt team is no longer with him, but that sort of folds into my feeling that he’s not pursuing anything biz-wise, hence no need to jump through those particular hoops (I think he’s also struggled with a lot of demons, so yeah, why add one more). Could he be adrift? Maybe, but the next guy is the posterman for lack of focus….

* Liam. Honestly, I worry about Liam most of all. His post-1D career seems very much adrift, and I like to joke that he’s giving me that tell-all about the D one sentence at a time, but goddamn, are people listening? The struggles with alcohol, the lack of focus on every level, the reliance on his dad’s career advice (which more clearly reflects his dad’s financial class, background, and history than it does Liam’s), and the overall confusion about look, sound, and direction also flow back directly into his team. I get the feeling that they aren’t sure what to do because LIAM isn’t sure what to do or what he wants, so they follow in his wake. He’s agreeable to a fault, so seeing him at a meet-and-greet at an HMV in Birmingham last week felt like a step back into 2010 for no real reason, just like hearing that he was more or less coerced into full nude photoshoots for an underwear ad (the decisions to say yes to both of those—who’s steering this ship? If it’s Liam, he needs to tell the team his overall goal, so they can plot a course he and his fans can follow; if it’s the team, ditto). Like Niall, Liam’s actually pretty good at the SM game: lots of selfies, snapchat filters, outfits, gym service, twitter interactions. But generally speaking, his promo is confusing, and that’s probably because there isn’t much *to* promote at this point, other than a mix of collabs, clothing endorsements, spon con, horse farms, and an album that’s always on the horizon. This might be tied to the general post-1D jolt they all went through, like a plane coming off autopilot and into the hands of someone who’s just learning how to fly it. Zayn debuted at number one, so his bump wasn’t as harsh, but the others are slowly, steadily finding their footing after taking some time to find themselves and their sound, releasing songs/albums, performing (or in Louis’s case, going through unspeakable tragedy). Liam’s still adrift…and somewhat admittedly, which is kind of telling in its own way. Just know that my nervousness on his behalf ratchets up every time he feels the urge to assure us all that he’s happy.

* Niall. Truly the one following the original 1D template, right down to working with most of the same people but with more of the overall control in his hands instead of a faceless management squad. Of any of them, he seems the most ambitious, the most scientific about the sound he’s after and how he’s gonna get there. His promo is a mix of new and traditional—radio shows, talk shows, podcasts, special events, twitter interactions with fans, twitter interactions with entertaining celebrities—and it’s all hustle hustle hustle, build build build, as if he were a new ingenue instead of coming up hard on solo album number two. He’s explicit in his goals, which is refreshing, but it means he walks a weird line with fans: on one hand, he’s done with their bullshit, get ready to get rekt if you start commenting on his boring food seasoning or home décor. But on the other hand, he fully recognizes how much he needs them, which is why we get so many peeks into his “normal” life (yet zero percent of his actual personal life). It’s also probably why the blatant tweets of the last two days seem so jarring to me (I might be alone on this one, but I’m not a fan of directives in general, and asking me to call radio stations on behalf of a rich white man to become even richer just rubs me the wrong way, same with asking me to stream stuff to get you to number one…you’ve been there, buddy, how about you calm down and build some character at number 51). And speaking of calming down, it does fascinate me that both Niall and Louis namecheck Taylor Swift as someone who gets the whole fandom push/pull thing right, so watching them try to reverse-engineer her secrets is fun. Louis nails it (that hotspot treasure hunt: chef’s kiss), but Niall’s heavy-handed easter egg dump in NTMY, she would never!! I think Niall’s team needs to watch “Calm Down” about five more times before they try that again.

* Louis. I think Louis honestly has an AMAZING team in place, and they’re all clearly on his side, which makes for a refreshing change. Like Niall, he has publicly praised Taylor Swift for how she engages with her fans, but I think he’s missing a key point: she doesn’t let her fans dictate strategy, and I HOPE that’s the case for Louis, too. His old team *was* shit, so yeah, encouraging people to do fan projects to get the word out was a good idea, but turning that spigot off to let a good (paid) team step in and take over has been, uh, challenging. He’s dealt with more than his fair share of personal tragedy, but every time he gets some momentum going, it feels like something bts pushes him back off track, and he tends to keep it private, which only makes his hardest-core fans scream “sabotage.” Rightly so, he’s focusing on his personal life, and rightly so, his team is giving him the space to do that, even when it costs cash money and throws a lot of shit seriously for a loop. It makes my heart soar to see the potential of what his team can do/is doing, how much space he’s being allowed to process what he needs to process. Weirdly, that’s an unpopular opinion, and a lot of people want to indulge in an angst wank fest where Louis’s the victim of a terrible team that won’t DO anything (nevermind the fact that he’s probably ASKED them not to do anything), so they undertake a tremendous amount of performative unpaid labor that ends up being counterproductive on just about every front. Even worse, most of them can’t seem to process the fact that losing your mum is a blow, losing your SISTER is a blow, juggling other siblings or close friends handling some serious demons of their own in the aftermath of all of *that* is a blow, let alone handling your own personal coping mechanisms, nope, they want Louis to release release release, perform perform perform, c’mon, what’s holding him back, he *said* he wanted to release an album this year, there’s “no reason” for a delay, gotta be his shitty team, free him. It drives me ‘round the bend because it’s the same talk from late last year, you know, when we later found out that at least one family member was losing a fight with drug addiction. Louis’s fan engagement/promo is therefore hella fraught: he has to balance LouisTM on twitter (Mr. Donny, he’s hard, mate), his werk IG posts, and his constant edging because nobody can remember or trust that he’s got this, that multiple things are in play. But he also knows his fanbase, knows that it’s resistant to any kind of change, so I hope he pushes through and stays true to what he wants to do. I was really encouraged with his last promo round because he seems to have narrowed in on a something solid, he’s got a plan, and it’s not, “hey mr dj, put my record on,” it’s getting his fans to trust that he and his team know what the fuck they’re doing, and spoiler alert, it ain’t radio, but go ahead and keep pissing off djs by sending angry tweets their way. (Related: why is it so bad to avoid the radio when all of us admit that radio music is garbage? Is it because it’s more about you than him? Much to think about.)

* Harry. My very favorite head canon is that Harry is Jeff’s nightmare client: what was perfection at first because the Azoffs are old-school promo all the way (no SM, baby, gimme that sweet, sweet paper), and that dovetailed nicely with post-1D Harry, but it quickly veered into mulish teeth pulling. Low profile can quickly spin into no profile, and that really doesn’t work too well when you’re trying to sell sell sell, even if your brand is Harry StylesTM. HS1 and Dunkirk in their own separate ways worked VERY hard to push past the still-persistent way the general public views Harry as boybander Harry Styles, or more accurately, former boybander Harry Styles who dated Taylor Swift (if you venture out and ask someone who’s not a fan), but what I love about Harry is that much like Zayn, he doesn’t seem to be too bothered by all that. Sure, he’s ambitious, he wants to challenge himself and do things, but he’s no Niall Horan. He’s put in his time! If he gets a number one, then cool, but he’s not gonna chase it. And this is where Harry’s team really reflects his goals and energy: sure, they want him to do some promo (that “Do” tweet, the entire bit about the fan in Australia and Harry Lambert’s follow, goddddd, I loved it, petty Harry, resigned Jeff), but they clearly aren’t forcing him. He drops a song that makes a HUGE splash, and the follow-up is…liking some tweets and going to a John Mayer concert (not a John Mayer fan, so that wouldn’t be my first choice, but I respond to the zero fucks given about the whole thing). The music industry has changed a LOT in just two years, so it’s kind of cool to see team Harry pivoting a bit, seeing more SM interaction, the kindness generator, etc., but that said, the team takes their cues from him, and he clearly doesn’t want to do a whole promo circuit beyond persons a, b, and c, and magazine R, F, and A. Does it make sense to have Rob Sheffield write a profile about Stevie Nicks-blessed shroom-eater Harry Styles when his new song sounds like the Zarry combo of my dreams? NOPE, but that’s okay, Harry wanted to talk to Rob, so that’s what happened. The new song is more streaming friendly, and thank CHRIST, a lot less crusty white dude stuck in the ‘70s, so I can only hope that the rest of the album is thus, but we shall see! We’ll also see if Harry’s fan engagement shifts any further into the active zone…so far, it’s been “I’m gonna follow some larries, like these fun generator posts, check out a few dads” and staged photo ops with the same familiar faces, but I think he’s dealing with his own major bts issues as well (album delayed at least twice; that entire stalking situation). I still contend the album’s coming in the next few weeks, so it’ll be interesting to see if/how any additional promo rolls out in this new world order post-gryles landscape, how many interviews he’ll do, but I like that there’s a strategy that seems less stodgy…kudos to the new SM team, at least!!

Oh man, that got really long! Hope you enjoyed, and YES, opinions opinions opinions, and they’ll be stupid in about three weeks’ time, thanks for coming to my already dated buzzfeed article