#you dont think I'm at my best when I'm the most authentic okay

[snobgoblin]

every time I see someone do the "evil art style" thing i remember when I did it and everyone was saying they liked the evil one better LMFAOOOO

[nightswithkookmin]

Hmmm. I don't know about that. I think even though they all started with concepts they discarded any company assigned roles for them some where along the line because it didn't suit them and they couldn't keep up with it.

With Vmin I used to think if those two weren't good friends they could be the biggest frenemies on earth and their dynamic would be predisposed to envy and jealousy, unnecessary competition and drama. We don't say this out loud but I think we all can sense it.

Deep down I think they both know this too.

I think it's why they put in so much effort internally and externally to prevent that from happening to them. You should watch a video of Taehyung crying on stage and pouring out his heart because Jimin was there for him in one of the most difficult moments of his life when his grandma passed.

If that confession was staged and faked i'm sorry he is going straight to the pits of hell. And I don't know the metrics for determining the authenticity of their friendship but to me the mere fact that Tae goes to Jimin for emotional support at his lowest and is willing to share his vulnerability with Jimin when he's scared of ghosts in the middle of the night or ask of him the first thing in the morning when he wakes up in soop is a sign of lowered emotional boundaries on his part and you dont lower your walls unless you feel safe to do so around someone- give him an Oscar he certainly fooled me had me believing he liked him so much he might have developed actual gay feelings for him somewhere along the line. Best actor award for him them. Shooketh to my core.

People wanna hype Tae Kook and Taejin but I'm sorry this man will run to Jimin in a heart beat when he needs tender loving and care. Tae kook who. You think JK will sit on a couch and let Tae sob into his laps while he caresses his hair?

Now who's delulu.

Other than that one moment of him on stage burying Tae's face into his chest, show me a compilation of him comforting Tae. I'll wait.

He will rub his back with a broomstick sure

However Tae wouldn't hesitate to be JK's emotional support- IF ONLY JK GOES TO HIM FOR IT💀

Like Jimin and Jhope, Tae is actually very warm at his core.

If you want people JM allows himself to be vulnerable with V is on top of the list, followed by Hobi and V. It all depends on who you think he spends most of his time around and since he used to spend a lot of time around Jungkook we have a tendency to place Kook on top of his list simply because they have more vulnerable moments together. But there are certain things he shares with Tae and even Hobi that he doesn't share with Jungkook first.

And sometimes Jungkook is not the one he reaches out to first when he needs emotional support. And I reckon he has other friends he keeps private and we don't know what he does with those. Similarly Tae has other friends and isn't really private about those friendships like Jimin.

All that comes to play and at the end of the day whether or not you think their friendship is genuine depends on your definition of friendship.

From personal experience, I had friends whom I loved dearly and deeply and to some extent I still do but want nothing to do with them. In fact, I will fly to Mars on a strawmat just to get away from them. Because while I was busy loving them from my heart they let envy and jealousy sip in and I didn't realize till they did the most damage to me.

These days I tell the few friends I have, let's talk about it. It's okay if you're Jealous of me. I won't hate you for it. It's okay if I feel envious of you too just as long as we are not acting on these feelings and we talk about it and not let it push us to sabotage eachother and hurt each other. Jealousy and envy are human weaknesses. It's usually a sign we've been victims of injustices and unfair treatments on cosmic levels. Life isn't fair and some of us will be dealt the short end of the stick. As long as those with the longer sticks are compassionate and not condescending we can all learn to heal.

I feel that's what people don't understand about BTS or even about Vmin. It's not as if they don't know all these things, it's not as if they don't see some are loved more by fans or the company or that some are blessed or that some are slacking- they deal with it.

They help each other deal with it. And that is the strength of Vmin.

You don't think it's ironical Vmin have a vmin letter and years later Jikook develop a letter too mirroring the concept of vmin's letters?

I don't know.

May be I'm just too optimistic and a bit naive I must say and yall see something I don't see. But to me it's not about the ghettoness between them, it's about the way they process these negative feelings and deal with them when they arise.

Someone mentioned Tae complaining about JM stealing the spotlight, but what did JM say right after? He said to Tae you could have come to me to talk to me about this. Look how nurturing that is. He says he values communication and as a Libra myself I can't stress how much important I feel communication is.

I don't know. I love their dynamic. I think their relationship isn't all rainbows and sunshine but a lot of work has gone into it. And there is still more room for improvement. They've come this far so why not see it through to the end.

They should keep being mindful and intentional about their relationship. It's THEE VMIN. Things will work out.

I trust you Tae. Please come through 😭

[f0point5]

Doing this completely anon cause I'm genuinely scared of the backlash that may occur - This is controversial and also contradictory so im willing to be shat on for this hot take.

Charles cannot seriously be hoping to win races and be a world champion. I've got no proof just my own absurd theories but I seriously cannot see him becoming a wc. Lando is the same. They both are so alike. One bad race or bad moment and they shit on themselves and lose control and take a week to bounce back from it. I as much as I have love for them and am starting to think they genuinely believe they will win a dc. Oscar and Carlos are the only ones who could on either team as it currently stands. Unlike merc where George could in the team even tho he is lewis' teamate he actually could. But Charles and lando can't unless they change their mindset and team. And tbh to some extent I see both Charles and lando not nearly serious enough about f1 at the moment. And I know 'social media is fake and only shows so much blah blah blah we dont know them personally' but if they gave a fuck they'd risk the money and try and get into redbull. They'd risk thier paychecks and get the money invested into the team. And again I know I don't know what is happening behind the scenes and I'm whatever for saying this but Charles won't win a dc and neither will lando. Max is by far the most authentic, marketable, talented and most relatable driver and I'm a lewis girl (well more lance than lewis but just showing my bias that typically happens with lewis fans).

- Charles isn't dedicated (I believe)

- lando isn't either

- neither will win a wdc

- this celebrity branding thats going on is fucking ridiculous, lewis and max (although he's not nearly as willing to want the title) are the only ones who truly deserve it

- Daniel while yes is charismatic isn't all that talented anymore and would do better in another series. (I included Daniel cause I thought of the celeb status and him)

- and also drivers can only be so relatable and likeable as long as they stay grounded and don't seem so big for their boots and tbh again as a lewis fan (initally) I'm just not really caring for him and the va va voom of him anymore (that was wierd admitting) and when Charles is getting more 'celeb-like' he becomes more unlikable same with lando...

This was long and I apologise 😭🫶🏻

WOAH. Okay we about to get trashed for this but ya know what, idc, I partially agree with you.

I don’t think Charles, or Lando, will ever win a WDC. I think of the two of them Charles is the one with the real shot, because I think he has a much stronger mentality than Lando. I don’t think the pressure gets to him for pressure’s sake the way it does with Lando. I think where Charles knows he doesn’t have the equipment he gets desperate, and mistakes happen. Whereas Lando just can’t seem to hold it together over a weekend, and I think a lot of what affects Lando happens outside the car, which is why he would crumble in a title fight. That said, I think time will run out for Charles, George, Carlos, Lando, etc. Those teams won’t catch up to Red Bull before ‘26 and by then Oscar, and whoever else has come in from the next generation will be younger and hungrier, and the next cycle will start. For me, they will miss their window. I won’t say for sure but that’s my feeling, and if by the end of next season the Ferrari team is not operating like Red Bull (meaning they have a clear #1 driver, and their strategy and pit stops are where they need to be) it will be clear that not even Fred can change the tide and they are an unserious team where Charles will waste his talent.

I disagree that it would be a smart idea to get into Red Bull. Tbh I don’t think Red Bull would want Charles, but that’s another issue. That team is Max’s and it will be until he leaves (or suddenly can’t drive a car anymore but that won’t happen). As a driver, you have to think you’re the best driver, but I don’t think either Charles or Lando is delulu enough to think that they could beat Max in Max’s Red Bull (and this is not me saying they build the car for Max, I’m saying that when Newey hands you a car and Max is saying “make it faster” and everything you do to the car to make it driveable only makes it slower…you are fighting a losing battle). Red Bull would not only be a waste of time for them, but yes, probably a big financial loss, because they both benefit from marketing themselves as #1 drivers at the moment.

I have to say, I agree that it doesn’t seem to me that Charles is as committed to being WDC as he could be. Disclaimer - this is purely based off vibes, I don’t know the guy. I’m not saying he’s not doing his job, he absolutely is, but the self promotion levels, at a time when the results are not resulting…signals to me he’s branching out. I talked a lot last season about how I think he’s transitioning out of the “Il Predestinato” image, and how I felt part of that is because it is becoming less likely that he will win a WDC. I think it’s clever of him to think about doing other things though, because so much of what it takes to get a dc is out of his control, and he doesn’t even have the bare bones of a team or a car that will let him challenge for a title. There is no point in him waiting around for Ferrari to get it together, if they get it together he can revisit but right now…I think it’s in his best interest to get his bag.

I don’t think there’s many similarities between Charles and Lando’s path here, Lando is a wholeeee other essay 😂

But I disagree that the branding is ridiculous, I think it’s a logical thing to do. Yes these guys make good money from their teams but that won’t last forever, they have pretty short careers. It’s good for them to use their platform to build income streams for themselves that will go beyond their F1 career. Charles previously hadn’t been able to do that and now he is, which is definitely a positive. I will give Max and his team props here because I think he’s sneakily got the best alternative income streams of anyone. Verstappen.com must absolutely be raking it in with those grandstand deals, the merch is consistent, his brand deals are minimal but they’re big and they stick with him. My point is, drivers do need alternative income streams, especially when their brand can’t just be “I win”.

Lewis a master at this, I will admit, I just don’t like his brand. But it is consistent and he has managed to transcend F1 as his own brand which will keep him comfortable for the rest of his life, so good for him. I don’t buy into the brand but the brand is branding, I have to recognise.

I don’t really get Charles’s brand identity yet lol so I can’t tell if how likeable it will be. I mean, currently he is very liked, it’s possible it will stay that way. I really couldn’t say. I think Lando is about to have an unlikeable season but I also think his “babygirl brat” thing is pretty amusing and won’t ultimately alienate his fan base.

It was long but it was fun. The villagers will come for us with pitchforks for this opinion though.

[simplydnp]

I actually started crying when I read your recent post about unlearning shame. I'm so proud of you and happy that you're doing this 💗 I on the other hand am not as brave and unfortunately still present as a caricature of myself, or just another "cooler"person entirely. I'm in law school and I did fuckin modeling for like 3 years, I did fencing I'm so cool!! Except all those things I'm doing trying to be. Except the sport I actually love fencing. But still these are things that don't always feel authentic to me, sometimes they do - for example I am vain at times so whatever, I like academics and uni in general but don't know if I wanna do anything with law really. We'll see. None of my friends know about some of my real interests or thoughts (I don't think they would judge me I genuinely don't want to ruin my "image" or whatever I've created). Now that I'm typing it, I realize how sad that sounds. Anyway I'm not going to the dnp show, because none of my friends know I like them or would want to go. I don't,have online friends because I'm just a lurker from my carefully curated artsy blog where i dont post dnp lmao. Still, I wish you a great time and thank you for posting that! If I'm more brave in the future, I might go to another tour they might do in a few years

oh anon 🫂 god its brutal out here isn't it

the unfortunate part about all of this is that i Really care how i'm perceived. i'm very careful about how i present myself because i have this fear of being too much. that once people see enough of me, they'll leave. and it'll be my fault. so i simply have to walk that line. the loneliness of no one ever truly knowing. or them finding out too much and being left. because, historically, that's always what's happened.

it's especially hard when you have qualities that you think are neat and fun and special. and yet. you don't get to share them. you don't get to exist as if you are neat and fun and special. instead, you have to live up to this image of yourself that you've created. i've found in a lot of ways it's easier to slide into the mask of only being surface level deep. of molding myself into the 'expectation' laid upon me. goody two shoes. overachiever. loud. but it's just that, a mask. it's not real. but the part that hurts the most is that you keep waiting for someone to notice. and then they don't. and you convince yourself that you're just so good at it. but you can't make yourself the mask. even though i've tried.

you don't have to do law if you don't want to. i know it's easy for me to say, not having put money into a law degree. but i know what it's like to feel like your degree isn't really yours. you've got time. it's okay.

you're not alone in your struggle anon. i think fencing is hella cool and i hope you can find someone who you can chat with about it.

in terms of the shows, i told myself i was going. no matter what. and i knew i'd likely be going on my own. and then some of my lovely mutuals & friends here were like 👀. and i said ykw. fuck it. i have to travel anyway, why not do it across the ocean. and on top of that, some jokes turned real and now i'm going to iceland too. i understand waiting. but i know there's lots of people like you who are going to go to these shows and probably not know anyone. so if it's something you think you can handle, and it's financially possible, maybe think a little about going. i'm not sure when dnp are touring close to you, but you still have time. doing things for yourself is important. i think you'd have a lovely time. (and if you're stressed about the internal perception, no one needs to know you went, and no one there will know you. so it doesn't matter--at least, that's what i usually tell myself. they'll never see you again. so fuck it!)

best of luck, i hope we both can grow and thrive

[what-if-nct]

hi!!! i'm starting my sophmore year of high school and idk how to phrase this normally but ive never rlly gotten male attention before and now i think lowkey am and its fucking w me mentally bc idk if its all in my head or not 😭 do you have any tips to be more attractive actually pull guys and not js have the "hey do you send" on snap? and i'm a HUGEEE introvert 😭tbh any relationship tips would be helpful bc i've been pining sm lately :( also !! ilysm joyce take care of yourself!!

Hiii, okay so i totally understand what you mean. For me it didnt start really happening till i graduated high school funnily enough guys from high school only started approaching me till then which is frustrating at first. But the number one thing i want to tell you is and this is going to sound a bit like a bummer but trust me its important. Keep boys at the bottom of the priority list. They come after family, friends and your education. Im not saying dont look at them at all im just saying veiw dating and boys the way you view shopping or kpop a fun little hobby. Okay i hope that wasn't too much of a damper also be selective and picky only allow the boys who deserve to be in your presence around you. And this is going to be cliche but the best way to attract someone is to be truly yourself, dress the way the you feel the most authentic in. Express yourself just as you are. Ive found that when i look the most like myself, who i envision when i picture myself is when ive gotten the most attention. Speaking of not all attention is good attention so only focus on the people who make you feel comfortable and safe. Also being kind and sweet really goes a long way but not too kind, that was my mistake establish strong boundaries and standards. Think about what youre looking for and whats important to you and only allow that. Also most importantly be safe and follow your instincts. Ive endured so much trouble with dating and ive only just found someone who genuinely makes me happy and cares about me. But i just wanted to share all i could to make your journey easier than mine. I hope i was of any help to you🩷🩷🩷🩷

[siyasantlani111]

Keys of the metal cage~

Hi guys welcome back to my blog account today I want to talk about the fact that you have the keys to your own prisons but you just don't realise it haha. So basically what I mean is that sometimes we really undermine ourselves and don't believe in ourselves because the people around us told us that, “we can't ” . However don't you think it's a little ironic? Because what do people around us even know about us? Like literally even a random stranger or a random classmate? Or a person we just became friends with. Sometimes even our loved ones dont believe in us even though they love us and what the best for us I'm not saying that their opinion shouldn't matter, what I'm saying is no one's opinion on what you want to do is valid as yours because you know yourself the best. Not your bestfriend, not your mom, not your dad, not your siblings no one. Again emphasis on their opinions of you do matter if they're a loved one but not as much as yours. But I genuinely wonder why do we lock ourselves up in this cage of undermining ourselves? Because someone told us something?

If you are someone who only feels good about themselves or can take action only after someone else did it or someone else gave you the permission to or validated you. I'm sorry to break this upto you, you are locked in this mental prison. However start realizing that you have the key to this mental prison:)

How? See whenever you make a decision or want to do something just sit fucking down with yourself and ask yourself do I want to do this? Dont go around and ask others, should I? Or what do you think?

Its important to get an insight on other people's opinions however yours is the most important one okay. And once you have your own that's when you can go ask others.

Mastering self validation:

Validate yourself, “tell yourself that you validate you and no matter what you will always validate you”. Once you validate yourself even if someone doesn't validate you it won't hurt much.

Key number three( shadow work questions)

Now my experience on shadow work is that definently do it but be aware you are not your "shadow self". Why am I saying this? See for example: you found out the root cause of your people pleasing behaviour is wanting "approval" which is fine dont judge yourself for it. However after you know the root cause don't become your shadow. Main purpose for shadow work is knowing your self as well as knowing your repressed parts. Also to become more authentic version of thyself.

Key 4 have compassion for yourself:

Do you really care about yourself or are you just taking care of your external self?Treat yourself like you would treat your loved one. And if you don't know how to do that its okay. Imagine having a child like relationship with yourself. Will you force your child to self harm? It could be really hard I get it but have a parent child relationship with yourself . Its really important to treat yourself with kindness and to reparent yourself. It's the first step to self love:)

Key 5 is you are not your inner critic:)

Hey! Ik the inner voice in you could be really critical and could make you feel like you are not good enough, but you are just know that simply

Whenever your inner critic gets too loud have compassion for you I know it's not easy personally I really struggle with it sometimes but hey you got this.

Last key and the most useful one, believe in thyself:

Hey? Can you just and I mean just for one day practice a little bit of self belief? It helps maybe a little unrealistic now not too unrealistic but initially try that?it might help

However this is what I wanted to talk about guys . Until then stay grounded 💖💖

[variousqueerthings]

OH OKAY SO THE THING SURE HAPPENED HUH

THOUGHTS ON THE SPOILER SIDE

SO IT WAS A GHOST STORY ALL ALONG WHICH TO BE FAIR I SHOULD HAVE REALISED BECAUSE THE MOVIE FUCKN! TALKS ABOUT THE GHOSTS! AND SHUTU BELIEVES IN THEM EVEN WHEN OTHERS ARE BEING IRREVERENT!

WHO WILL BE THE FIRST TO DIE AND I WAS LIKE "WELL SHUTU MAY BE SUICIDAL BUT THIS IS A MISDIRECT OF COURSE BECAUSE WE SAW SHUTU AT THE BEGINNING" AND THEN I GOT MISDIRECTED BY THE FAKE MISDIRECT OHOOOO CLEVER FILM YOU

this is technically a new year film, so hey, perfect timing

but also wtf anti-new year film

I was not entirely wrong about the little miss sunshine parallel, but they have a pretty clear set of diverging points!

this movie like: hey someone's gonna die, could it be this sad sad man who is completely falling to pieces after the death of his father? AND THEN IT PLAYS THAT STRAIGHT -- WE'RE IN A TIME WHERE PLAYING IT STRAIGHT IS MORE SHOCKING THAN A PLOTTWIST

OHHH THE GHOST STORY OF IT ALL IM NOT PAST THAT DONT THINK IM PAST THAT

that "I'm fine" screencap has revealed itself to be the most perfect one, both for the character and the way I feel after this ouch

ok ok ok but ALSO I AM SOOOO HAPPY WHEN I GO INTO A MOVIE KNOWING NOTHING and I'm seeing the things it's laying out and it's not trying to trick me, it's laying out these things deliberately and it's rewarding me for picking up on what it's doing -- the loneliness, the toxic masculinity, the violence of neglect and being ignored and openly casually looked down on -- this character gives so many signs to the people around him, at one point his cousin finds him sobbing in a corner and nothing is done

so um... I was comparing this to joyland at times in my head (best movie of all time my most sacred of films) and I was so right to for [spoilers] but this and joyland boy oh boy oh boy

IT'S A GHOST STORY IT'S A FLIPPING GHOST STORY ABOUT HOW A GHOST IS MADE! A GHOST STORY IN HINDSIGHT! DO YOU HEAR ME?? (banging pots and pans)

arrrgh all the hints and clues throughout. the tree. the graveyard. the part where he falls down a literal hole and the wolf appears. on and on and on

I wonder about the setting, which I know very little about -- wikipedia, now I'm on it describes it as "McCluskieganj, Bihar (now in Jharkhand) an old Anglo-Indian town in 1979," which I did wonder about singing auld land syne, but I don't know if that's common throughout India to sing at new year's

equally curious and ignorant on the dynamic with the servants -- whether this is caste-based, how the movie portrayed that dynamic, etc. I felt like it had several scenes that highlighted the casual... I suppose cruelty? but not as sadism or even punishment, simply an "understanding" about who has power and who doesn't. when they were singing auld lang syne upstairs and the camera panned downstairs to show them eating food on the floor with the puppy (equally neglected)

so something about a connection between how shutu is treated that's echoed in the servants and even the dog -- to a lesser extent the child, although she does tend to prefer shutu's company precisely because he's the only one paying attention to her (which is then ironically what he is blamed for failing to do, when he's the only one who up until then has done so properly)

this not to say that the other characters are wholly unsympathetic, I think the film does a good job of making them feel real -- tani's mother goes to pieces when she's lost, and tries to help out in various situations, mimi is an outsider for being "more" foreign and while callous isn't deliberately cruel, so much as someone who's impulsive and often thoughtless, and the three other guys all have moments that show them to be more than "just" bullies (although, youknow, fuck vikram)

it's just that these sorts of environments that foster a need for appearances over authenticity and truth, the illusion of picture-perfect covers anything that isn't quite right by simply... not being allowed to talk about it. whether it's class, caste, mental health issues, bad marriages, or other forms of neglect that become systemic and rotten (oh look, I could also be talking about joyland!) -- and these spaces are, if paired with money, a surface-level glitter of games and easy times and not having to worry about a thing

but also IT'S A GHOST STORY! they'll never forget that this was the place that shutu killed himself, that they were in some way guilty of his death (unless they deliberately shut those thoughts down, but you know it'd come out in other ways), this place is forever haunted

they did talk about how they'd need to move out of that house eventually

alright, as they say, it's been 84 years I am finally watching a death in the gunj! @le-red-queen it is on!

[violentviolette]

I may be misreading the tags, but how exactly does your wife identify with the lesbian label? You're a trans man, so I'm curious as to how your wife's label affects the relationship and what not (as in, how does your wife view you and be attracted to you in a 'lesbian' way). Fuck I am asking this terribly LMAO if your wife is fine with elaborating on their label(s), that would be cool! I'd like to educate myself on "unconventional labels" more.

i think my wife identifies as a lesbian pretty easily actually lol pretty sure it's as natural as breathing for her at this point after 25+ years. and i actually dont think there's anything unconventional about it at all, she's just a lesbian and it doesnt really effect our relationship cause neither one of us has any issue with the others labels and we dont feel they contradict our own. my wife is a butch lesbian and im a nb trans man and thats really all there is to it. she loves me like a person loves another person

real life is very very rarely as neat and orderly and catagorized as online queer spaces make it sound, and i think our situation is much more common than most people who mostly only interact with other queer ppl online think. in real life queer communities specific labels matter WAY less than they ever do here, u dont have to change ur entire label and identity for a single person. my wife and i are both deeply queer and we love eachother and that's what matters most to us both.

we met and started dating when we were 19, i didnt realize i was trans until i was around like 25ish and at that point we'd been together for 6 years and had built a life with one another. we obviously had a lot of talks about it at first while i was first coming out and figuring out what i wanted for myself. we talked about what was important to each of us, what we were comfortable with, where each of our boundaries were, what were deal breakers for us, ect. Obviously every individual person is going to be different and everyones comfort levels and needs and preferences are going to be different, and so not everyone in our same position would feel the same, and if certain things were different about either of us we might not feel the same, but for us we ended up not really having any issues staying together

i think the biggest thing for each of us was retaining our autonomy and not feeling the need to change either of our language to try and accomodate the other. being a lesbian and that label is important to my wife, she isnt attracted to men and has no interest in dating men, she's a very classic butch dyke and that identity and community is important to her, so there's really no need for her to change her label or sense of self just to justify her love for me, it's just not neccessary. i know she loves me for the person i am because no one alive knows me better than her, and thats more than enough for me.

and in the same way i dont feel the need to downplay my masculinity or hide my gender or call myself any less of a man in order to justify loving and staying together with her. im a dude and a guy and i use he pronouns and she has always respected that and never tried to discourge me for her own sake. she wants me to be happy and authentic and true to myself and has no need or desire to feminize me in any way in order to continue to love me. she knows the whole person i am and is not only okay with that, but genuinely enjoys it. she can not love men while still loving me.

and thats really all there is to it, i dont think it's that unconventional or weird or even contradictary. we're queer and thats what matters. i think one of the best things about being queer is being able to fuck with those conceptions and those binaries and the rules given to us by cishet society

im a bisexual femme ass boygirl and my wife is a dyke ass lesbian girlboy. we're both a little gender fucky and thats the way we like it.

[darlington-v]

HELLO YES IS ONE OF(?) THE FELLOW TRANSMASC BEEDUO ENJOYERS, RESPONDING AFTER A MULTIDAY DELAY.

CANT BELIVE THAT HANDHOLDING SHIT.

As someone else who has (on a certain level) like, made that connection, of someone I can be very affectionate with, but am still in the gender closet with for various reasons. I can absolutely understand your impulse and the preassure... a lot of my hesitation is based around a fear of going against some kind of perceived "ground work" in that relationship. And then I get frustrated because in this relationship and others i just would not have to think so much about this and how I present myself if I had just been born a cisguy. I am also just yearning for bro friendships where I'm just perceived as a dude from the get-go, even if I end up acting ""feminin"" or some shit.

But when I think about all the relationships I've had, I wouldn't want to have "skipped over" any of them, even if I wasn't, or didn't start by presenting my truly authentic self. I can't bring myself to regret or fully resent any of those connections, even if in my heart I can't always regard them as 100% "valid" or "genuine" in the context of how I know I was/am perceived and how I present. I dunno, I hope that makes sense, and helps in some way... I guess what im trying to say is, even if I have wishes and yearnings of how things could be different, I still am happy to have had the relationships I've had.... and I know ill just keep meeting new folks and either things will work out or they wont, and that'll be ultimatly for the best...

But hughu its also kinda silly when I think about it, that some internet dudes make me confront and think about all this shit. But it also does make sense too.

I don't know its very hard to explain, feel free to just ignore all this.

yes!!!! i TOTALLY understand this!

it's really frustrating because i would love to seek out other communities and environments that may lead into relationships similar to that of like??? SAME AFFECTION????? but im afraid to put myself out ANYWHERE new because i don't want to be perceived as like... woman-lite or anything. i don't want anyone to have to rethink how they perceive me i just wanted to present in the way that i feel.

similarly to what you said, i don't want to build something on "ground-work" i know i'll have to break down and like. make the REAL ground work pretty much?

and yeah! same! i get frustrated as well because it would just be much easier to deal w/ if i was just. cis. but i don't dwell on that too much, luckily

however i still run into the same issue: (more long winded venty shit below, ur invited to me being extremely vulnerable on the internet have fun)

how can i deal with this and make this easier for myself? is it... achievable even? like! yeah! how can i simply start new relationships with this... pre-established certainty of "that is a Boy! a BONAFIDE boy!" like... not even cis but just.

i struggle with the idea that most people who aren't trans will like... not... TRULY respect my identity? like behind closed doors. which is something i know a lot of trans people struggle with and honestly that is... our own issue in regards to trust. if no one throws and red flags that they don't actually respect your identity, then you really just have to trust that they do.

it's just... honestly putting conditions on like. your trust i guess. PERSONALLY. like im putting conditions on myself such as: if i present masculine then people will respect my identity and assimilate to how i identify, even if i don't present that yet.

which... usually isn't the case? people may take longer to assimilate but if someone is going to respect you, you can usually tell. or i feel like i can.

however. i guess. i want to shortcut the assimilation? but it's unfair to me to just put myself on hold until i don't need to ask people to like. REALLY understand liek HEY. THAT PITCHY MOTHERFUCKER IS A DUDE. because it's hard. and i, in my tiny pea brain, feel like a shortcut would just already be presenting male boy man MASCULINE. however, like i said, it's unfair for me to put that on myself bc that's a LONG time to wait!! that's coming out, getting a new wardrobe, and ALSO getting HRT!! that doesn't just happen in one day.

i explained to some friends that like. sometimes i wish i could just present a certain way and then no one could really ever know me intimately.

and it's definitely not that im... ASHAMED of being trans!! it's very nice and cool! however i feel sad that like... we're still adjusting as a society in terms of like... gender i guess? like... i do not want to be seen as woman-lite by anyone. in any degree. and sometimes you need a deeper understanding of gender to get past like... the weird like. ok he's... he's boy but like kinda not boy??

IT'S JUST. MMM. BEING PERCEIVED AND NOT INTERPRETTED CORRECTLY IS VERY TERRIFYING AND I HATE IT AND UR RIGHT BEING CIS WOULD BE EASIER, I DON'T NECESSARILY WANT TO BE CIS, I WOULD JUST LIKE TO EMULATE CISNESS WHILST REMAINING QUEER WHICH I DON'T EVEN KNOW IF IT'S POSSIBLE.

however same!!! the relationships i have now i love and i care very deeply about and i feel that like... even though they've known me before i was like "ok masc and he/they" and shit like that, i do feel like they understand like

*points* boy!!

however when it comes to strangers it's so... scary. and like IDK. ITS SO FUNNY BECAUSE I'VE NEVER HAD TO DEAL WITH THIS BEFORE. AND IT'S WHY I WANT TO LIKE? EXPLORE THE COMMUNITY FOR OLDER TRANS PEOPLE. LIKE HOW DO YOU DEAL WITH THIS???? how can you just BE OKAY when like... introducing yourself to strangers.

how can you just let... strangers in?

which is also *THROWS THINGS* THE WORST PART!!! I WANT TO BE A CONTENT CREATOR BUT I DON'T WANT TO WAIT!!!! I WANT MY VIEWERS TO GO BOY BOY BUT THEY WONT BECAUSE I HAVE NO FORM OF PRESENTATION BESIDE A PERSONA AND A VOICE AND MY VOICE IS PITCHY!!! ITS SO HIGH AND PITCHY!!!

and it's frustrating!! because i don't want an audience who doesn't like understand BOY!!! NOT WOMAN-LITE!!!!!!! NOT WOMAN GOING THRU PHASE!!!!!

BOYYYYY!!!!!

TLDR;

being trans is hard and i just don't want to be seen as woman-lite. i want to bee seen as like cis boy but trans. like i think i'd take more kindly to someone being like "omg i didn't even know you were trans!" to like someone infantilizing me and calling me a sweet little boy bean. and thats a lot easier between close friends! even though they have heard my voice and they've listened to me talk about being trans! they understand. and strangers?? have the potential to not. like they might? but what if they dont... and that's. Scary.

[xxconclusione-aperioxx]

Okay so I'd like to share what I commented on this video. I watched it and it sent me into a whole rant about the motives and characterization of Draco. I recommend watching before reading this:

@quinncurio is the original poster

Here's the copy paste of my comment/ Essay. I was slight heated when I wrote this, but my points still stand.

"OH BOY. HI, HELLO I VERY MUCH DISAGREE. ALSO: DISCLAIMER: DONT TAKE THINGS PERSONALLY, YOU WILL FIND I HAVE A VERY LOGICAL EXPLANATION, FOR WHY THIS ANALYSIS DOESN'T WORK.

Calling a Draco a cowardly bigoted bully, and a carbon copy of Dudley is the most SHALLOW and LOW EFFORT CONCLUSION YOU COULD POSSIBLY DRAW. IT IS LOW HANGING FRUIT. I'm going to have to break this into sections to truly explain why your conclusion is soooo incredibly shallow. You may have done your research, but I feel like you learned nothing more about Draco then if you'd never seen more then 5 min. So I'm going to start the same way you have and break this down into the same points.

PART 1 : AN ANALYSIS OF HARRY MEETING DRACO

I'm not going to go into detail of Harry's impression or ideas of Draco, because this analysis is about Draco, Not Harry. Also remember the books were written from Harry's POV, not a neutral party. I'm not obliged to Harry's opinions, just facts. Which brings up the first true conclusion about Draco's character. *Draco Malfoy feels a strong need to impress others, to gain their affection.* He does this through incisive bragging, trying to make people believe he knows best, and tearing down the reputation of others, so the object of his desires sees Draco and the most obvious choice. Where we differ is:

You believe Draco does this, because he thinks, he's better then others.

I believe,(which circumstantially has more evidence), Draco does this because he wants the affection, and acceptance of others

Whether you believe he acts out this way bc of how he is raised, his privilege, or something else, it doesn't change the fact that Draco was truly trying to make a friend, perhaps the only way he knew how.

In noble wizarding society, traditions, and your family does mean a lot. Not even looking at it from a pureblood view, imagine having a family that old and known. They really are a type of nobility, with family Lords even having political seats in the Wizengamote just because of their family name. The Longbottoms and Weaselys hold this same political influence, and it's not tied to Slytherins, pureblood ideals or anything like that. Draco is an only child, and an heir to his family line, so he is going to be treated importantly bc of that. He is raised with that responsibility, and in social situations not only represents himself, but the whole heritage of his family. Draco hasn't had the ability to act like a normal petulant child (part of the reason he tends to act out at Hogwarts.*ie. away from home*). He's been taught to act proper, make good allies, and impress others for the good of his reputation. I'd say most noble wizarding children probably get the same training and lectures, and have their own customs and culture of educate. What may come for Draco as polite, and diplomatic, may sound rude or arrogant to Harry. This is because Draco was not aware how different Harry's upbringing was from his own, and has never dealt with not having enough. Perhaps if Draco knew how different and ignorant Harry was he would have felt pity, or a sense of wrongness at Harry's injustice. Though Draco is just an 11yr old boy, who's only ever had a loving family, and almost anything he wanted. It is difficult for him to relate to the lack of others. As all wizarding children, he probably grew up with the story of the boy who lived and may have even been excited when his father said he wanted them to become friends. He truely was excited to meet Harry and genuinely wanted to be friends. While yes Lucius definitely wanted Draco to befriend Harry to help lighten their family reputation, I also think that Draco, being a child, would more likely be more excited of making a famous friend. Maybe he even had some hope seeing he'd met Harry before when he saw him on the train.

Part 2 : THE DIFFERENCES BETWEEN DRACO AND DUDLEY

Draco's sense of superiority comes from his traditions and pride in his family, while Dudley's is strictly from his own greed and selfishness. Draco would't do half of the things Dudley does simply because it's incredibly unclothe, and he has better ways of getting what he wants. Dudley isn't smart enough to compare to Draco. Though Draco and Dudley might both have things handed to them, Draco is not gluttonous or greedy about it. Dudley will trash his gifts and belongings, constantly wanting more, and viewing things given to him as disposable. Draco wants things yes (like every child does) but he's proud of his possessions and cherishes them, brags about them. Dudley is an animal compared to Draco. He doesn't have the same skill, smarts or self control. Dudley is abusive, and a tyrant in his bullying. Dudley wants to see Harry hurt and bleed. He is very violent compared to Draco. While we constantly and repeatedly see Draco shy away from violence, and use more his words.

Part 3 : DRACO'S "HARASSMENT", STRATEGIES AND EVOLUTION.

Draco despite his threats and facade is Not a violent person. This is because despite all Draco's bravo, and cruel words, Draco is kind. Yes he is conflicted, but that is only more proof of his inner kindness. If he didn't feel guilty, he wouldn't feel conflicted. Which means he really doesn't want to be mean to others, but he's just acting out based on how he thinks he's supposed to feel/act, but doesn't really enjoy it. I think when you strip Draco back behind his actions, and pose, you'll find a very different person. The half-blood prince gave us some of that, but it's another thing to see it in Draco from the beginning. Essentially Draco's attempt at bullying started when Harry rejected his friendship. Draco had probably never been rejected before, and probably couldn't possibly fathom why Harry would choose anyone else over him. While yes that's a bit coincided, Draco was also incredibly sheltered and probably wasn't introduced to children who weren't already tied to his family. Harry's rejection irrevocably shattered Draco's confidence and perception, which sent him into literal years of lashing out at Harry for his hurt emotions, and pining for his attention. It is the most pathetic excuse for bullying, and Draco antagonizing Harry is the equivalent of pulling a girl's pigtails. Draco did get quite shrewd with words, but he was really just trying to get the biggest reaction, especially since Harry is so volatile at times. The truth of the matter is Draco is actually very jealous, because deep down he really admires Harry. He want's the same freedom Harry has. He doesn't want to worry about his duty or who he has to be, but to be able to live authentically the way he views that Harry does. Draco really just wants to be more like Harry, but feels he is stuck, by the Dark Lord, his family obligations or anything else. Draco isn't a bully, he's just sad. Not even Ron or Hermione take him seriously after a while. *cough*this is why Drarry is so huge*

Part 4 : He had no choice?????

Everyone has a choice, but I think you over estimate how easy a choice can be. Family is important to Draco, they are probably the only people who love him for who he is, not what they can get out of him. As a child Draco felt pride in his family, and family made him feel special and important. As he got older that pride turn into expectations, and responsibility. Lucius and Narcissa value the preservation of their family above all else. They are protective and loving and those feeling extended to Draco. It's where he gets his kindness. It is indeed a Slytherin trait to value those you care about above everyone else. We protect our own, a loyalty probably stronger then Hufflepuff for those select few a Slytherin deeply cares about. Draco's parent would let the whole world burn to save him, and Draco would do the same for them. While Draco's family did hold pureblood ideals, after the first war Voldemort was not someone they willing wanted to follow. The light sided also would have never offered aid to death eaters, because fundamentally they were still against the dark, and there was no other place for dark wizards to go except Voldemort. Most of the death eaters had actually been somewhat relived at the news of Voldemort's death, and the boy who lived, as Voldemort had already become insane to the point of torturing his own followers, and wasn't getting them anywhere near their goals. Except for the also insane brainwashed few like Bella who'd follow her lord to the grave, many of the death eater's were content to be peaceful and stay quite after the war. Probably even grateful for it, as there were many needless casualties on both sides. I feel like the Malfoys were one of those families that were happy to get out. If the side they are on is harmful or losing, they are ready to abandon ship. This may sound like they are cowardly with no resolve, but if it was the life and death of your family, and your loved ones, I think you might think differently. I feel like we aren't too far off in agreement here, but where we differ is in judgement and motives we feel the Malfoys, or Draco had. Lucius made a mistake in the first war, and spent the second trying to keep his family out of danger. I can't imagine the fear he had in Azkaban for his family, the dementors feeding off him and what he thought the Dark Lord would do to his only son, his wife, his family. Meanwhile Draco was left with the threat of his father rotting in Azkaban, and his mother being killed. His mother also with the thought of her son being killed. So yes Draco could have made a choice, and he did make a choice, a choice to protect his family, and honestly I can't see that as wrong. Maybe if Harry would have actually taken his offer of friendship things could have gone differently and it wouldn't have come to that.

Part 5 : Abuse Theory

I definitely agree with you here. The Malfoys were not abusive, and get a better anthology for racism then something which in fact could be solved with a study on culture rather then blood. If you want a good parallel for racism in HP forget muggleborns, and look at creature blood, not dumb house elfs either, but werewolves, goblins, centaurs beings just as intelligent as wizards. The bigotry towards werewolves especially is horrific, especially from the "light side" who avidly labels them as dangerous dark creatures. *Also note about the scene in Borgen and Berks* Lucius stopped Draco from touching the artifact because it was probably cursed, as many dark artifacts are. Even if you know what you're doing they can be dangerous to handle carelessly. So Lucius was actually very wise and protecting Draco, his 12 yr old son, from getting badly hurt. Why the cane? If touching a cursed object curses you, then its better not to get close with your actual hands. Using his cane to push Draco away was actually a precaution. Lucius is anything but careless,

Part 6: Draco's Wand and Symbolism

I generally agree here too, but I believe this symbolism is more reflective of the things Draco wishes he could have had, or done differently. If anything the wand and symbolism Draco has is representative of the good in him, and not cowardice, or inability to do enough.

Part 7: Redemption

Tbh I'm part of the crowd that would have liked that deleted scene to stay in the final cut. However I understand what's justifiable for one person, may not be enough for someone else. This is where you get more into the topic of morality, and how much are you morally responsible for as a person. Harry has been drilled with the mindset for years that he has to save everyone, and that if your not in it for the greater good, ready to lay down your life you better forget being in it at all. Personally I don't believe Harry has any right to claim that rhetoric, as Dumbledore(and by association Grindlewald) practically spoon fed it down his throat; but I wont talk about that as it's a whole other issue. Draco, you have to understand has a whole type of different morality. Objectively I believe he's a good person, if not pressured by the echo chamber of ideals around him. Yet Draco repeatedly gives signs, and expresses the desire to want to do good. In order to properly analyze Draco you have to look past his outward facade, and actions, or you'll never see him as anything more then he pretends to be. If you can only read plain text, if you can't see past the obvious, you will always have a very flat one dimensional view of a character or a person. To me there's no redemption needed. Draco is already good, more good then his parents, and perhaps more good then some who claim goodness.

In summary Draco is a very complex person, who tries to over compensate for his flaws, struggles to express honesty, but deeply cares for others, especially his family. His duality lies in how he wants to be good to others, yet how in the end he always chooses to save the ones he loves, over the majority. Draco will always have his flaws, but he will always have his goodness too, and I hope you won't disregard that.

Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.

P.S

Kudos to anyone who read through all that.

[thisiskatsblog]

Is it weird that most of the time i dont like to refer to harry as he/him? I'm definitely not saying he identifies as non-cis but I just feel like i misgender if i call harry him... sorry idk why i'm telling you this sksk

Why are you telling me this? Maybe because I sometimes get struck with a very “female” vibe when seeing pics of harry, and then I reblog them tagging “sasha”? (who is beautiful by the way)

Is it weird that you don’t refer to Harry as him? hmmm, by commons standards yes probably :-P - but I’m messing with you now :-) 

Gender is a complex, constructed and very fluid thing and it’s far from weird that people who see it for what it is pick up the more “unconventional” vibes from others. And Harry’s genderbending vibes are sometimes loud (the girl with the pearl earring, girl crush, the gucci genderless fragrance campaign, all of harris reed’s outfits, really) and sometimes subtle (most of my “sasha” pics) but they are authentic.  

That said, we all have to acknowledge that we don’t really know who Harry is, in the endHarry has the final, and only say, though - “it’s 2019, Harry gets to choose” ;-)  

I generally go by he until corrected - I don’t think it’s offensive to question whether that’s the most suited pronoun given all the genderbending stuff he (ahum, yeah, okay) does, as you do - and I would explicitly invite non binary/trans/genderfluid people to give their opinions on what’s the best in this situation - I don’t have all the answers...