#you dont know what ive done or what ive possibly been through or whatever else | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

mrsdeliberatecreater · 6 months ago

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hi, im sorry for bothering u right now. ive been asking around for advice everywhere because i really need all the help i could use right now. my anxiety is flaring up like crazy because my results come out tomorrow and im so scared because if i mess this up then my future is ruined. my mental health has been horrible and that has severely affected my grades but in most asian countries they dgaf about that and basically think it's nonexistant for minors so ofc i'm still undiagnosed, and if i were to apply to a uni i wouldnt get any good chances anywhere. if i could just get 3 Bs in my AS levels it would be okay or else i'd have to retake it and it's super costly here.. i don't wanna put my family through that because they'll talk me down, degrade me, destroy my self esteem which i've managed to build back a little. they were like this since when i was the topper and thats what made me burnout. undiagnosed adhd, trauma, depression also contributed to it

im applying the law, but instead of the feeling of success that everyone else gets i feel panicked. the 'feeling' people usually get when they're in the wish fulfilled state, the feeling of accepting it and it being real—im not getting that. i dont see a clear picture when i visualize. every time i try to, i end up breaking down and feeling like a failure... but I'm still trying to go on because why is it that the people who hurt me and practically ruined my life get to live successfully, while i suffer? thats not fair... i promised myself that if i could just get 3 Bs, ill turn my life around and work really hard... but is it over for me? i want to win, im trying to, but im scared

im trying my best to visualize myself getting 3 Bs, reenacting my friends faces when i get the results, praying to God and thanking Him for blessing me and continuing to bless me, but there is this fear still lingering at the back of my mind... i feel like I'm not doing it right. i have like one day left and I'm so nervous. im going over posts, tweets, and every time I feel a little better, it all comes crashing down because of doubts. theres only one thing one my mind right now: 'how am I gonna turn it around in one day?' i know that the 3D does not matter and that everything is done in imagination, but here i feel like its not done in imagination either

right now nothings clicking in my head, whatever i read is getting scrambled in my mind, i feel so lost and empty. could u please tell me what to do in this specific situation? u can be as harsh as you want if that's what's needed to get the point across. im really sorry for the bother and id be really grateful if u could please help out, ive never been this desperate before... my life cant be over before it even started

Okay love. I need you to do something for me. Take 3 deeeeep breaths.

Okay?

I understand you completely. I understand what are going through completely. I'm Indian, so I know how it can be. I got yelled at by my sister for thinking that I might have ADHD. 👀 Its all good now though. I also used to deal with debilitating anxiety two years ago.. I barely left my room, let alone go to school for a master's degree that I chose and got into serious debt for.. I'm not making this about me, but I just want you know that change is possible.

Anytime you start to feel bad, a anxiety attack coming on, I want you to just keep taking calming deep breaths and focus on the now. Focus on the things you see, things you can hear, smell, etc. Its the feeling of "now". Come back to the "now" as many times as needed if you feel negative thoughts. I would affirm, "Everything is okay, everything will be okay", pick an affirmation that feels natural to you, and affirm.

If you like subliminals, I would recommend: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zX6BKBzVgfk&t=4s This has stopped so many of my anxiety attacks before I learned to let them go..

If not keep doing the breathing exercises. You will find that by repetition this will eventually release the reasons for feeling anxiety in the first place. Take things one day at a time. If it gets bad, ask someone you trust for help.

We alll have doubts. Doubts are fine. As long as you are just focused on the end/wish fulfilled/affirming, you are fine, even with doubts. You don't need to believe with 100% everything till you burst a blood vessel. If you feel like your doubts are overwhelming you, decide that nothing, not even you can stop your desires from manifesting. <3

"Truly I tell you, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there,' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you". - Matthew 17:20

If you have the time, I would highly recommend IlluminatingJoy on youtube, especially her https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CT2xyCcoues&t=1727s

She has a really good grasp on manifestation and explains everything so well and accommodates it to fit our "logic", while completely validating human emotions. The exercise she does in this video is so so simple but seriously effective. I catch myself slipping at least once a day that would have spiraled if I hadn't done the exercise.

Also if you want to do this in a day, I want you to focus on your mental diet. Affirm affirm affirm.

If negative thoughts come up, you breathe and think "I can relax, I got all A's". Anything in the 3D reminds you think, "I can relax, I got what I wanted. Your family being mean to you? remember how in class after lunch, your teacher is talking but you're thinking about something else.

Also speaking of that, I know you said you can't your images clearly. That's fine. Visualizing is NOT imagination.

Visualizing is NOT imagination.

My visualizations are never clear and I manifest everything I imagine all the time. They all have that "vignette" effect lol..

Imagination can be a picture, it can be a smell, a touch, a voice, just how someone's clothes smell when they are standing really close to you like in an elevator. Like you can specifically smell it but you KNOW what I'm talking about right?

Your loved ones in your face? Use it YOUR ADVANTAGE. I used to hear my sister compliment me, it was easy to hear her voice. I primarily used her voice to fix our relationship. Cannot for the life of me picture her face properly but thats FINE.

You can use ANY of the senses, just one or two or all. Hear your family saying things you want in your mind. Hear them congratulating you, compliment you.

You can slowly work this into all the other aspects of your life...

By the way, you aren't lost and empty. You are a very caring person, you want to do things so that you don't let your family down, in spite of how they treat you. That to me is a genuinely caring person.

But you need to apply that same care to yourself. You don't need me to be harsh to you, YOU don't need to be harsh to you. You are working so hard to find answers but you ARE the answer. Its okay. Please just rest. Its all yours. Be more soft to yourself, be more kind to yourself, compliment yourself, you will start to see that kindness reflected in the 3D as well.

I have given you a lot of options here so you can pick and choose what makes YOU feel better so that YOU can focus on SELF because

Nothing to change but self

Reach out to me as many times as you would like, you could never bother me.

Nya 🌺

#law of assumption #neville goddard #manifestation #loa #manifesting #loassblog #subliminal #loassumption #robotic affirming #affirm and persist #affirmations

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kruel-kilo · 9 months ago

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it’s so much easier said than done a lot of the time i’m ngl. i be faltering when i already made a decision/conclusion. while each occurrence differs in the amount of times needed, yknow before it’s fully unambiguous like it’s clicked. im good & clear for life. it’s always been that way, & it’s difficult & im annoyed how attached to empathizing i can be, i just need oneeee more occurrence to get it through my head. how you feel is clear as day but how i feel is deterred & swayed bc of time, potential, desire, possibility for change. however, there’s a threshold. its solely about how i feel. there’s no way to know or consider how you feel bc you don’t exist in the present. i feel less & less with time but whenever it’s mentioned its only the informing of how i feel as a result of the past. this is how i feel bc this is what was/ happened. but i’m just telling a story. i entertained energy that was left over,upheld respect, maintained consideration, bc there was still love there. now i dont. i have nothing left to entertain & everything to release/let go of. & in time hopefully forget entirely as theres no silver lining. there’s no beneficial aspect that remains. it would largely be more preferential for you to never have existed entirely. that’s the takeaway; that’s the conclusion. realizing that the only importance of your inclusion in my life, was simply another lesson/reminder of what happens when i allow myself to stay in any space where i’m seen with a lesser value than what is the true worth of my existence. every one gets to choose how they feel and what they see, that’s a blessing. i don’t get to choose the spaces im placed, that’s life. what i can choose is the length of my stay. when its clear im not welcome, staying any longer than it takes me to put my shoes on & make sure ive got everything i brought with me, is detrimental to me. nothing beneficial comes next. that’s not a space im welcome, okay, it’s notated, i understand, im leaving.

that is the lesson i learn over & over & over again & the biggesttt/haRddddest realization that took the longest to accept was the fabrication of whatever felt good/real/true. care/history/promises/postion/pedestal goes out the window.

good cannot exist without the bad & so i’m grateful for the bad. solely benefited as a reminder of the contrast between the 2. in these situations, the lesson is always the same, so i could’ve gone through/experienced whatever with whomever, but if it ends in the same lesson, it’s discarded in the same way. you rarely think about the times you almost get into an accident. you feel grateful to have survived & it’s reinforced to stay cautious when driving. happens all the time. you don’t think about who was in the car; the times you were having, how you’re glad you experienced it with them specifically. it happens, you see the lesson, you feel gratitude & you literally forget about it. until it happens again. you go through the same motions. & you literally forget about it.

i do not care what you’ve done that’s good. i do not care there were times you showed love, gave your support, gave your time. you brought me harm & that is all matters or i’ll remember. the only piece that remains is the lesson i learned from your existence. everything else is discarded, along with your presence/ inclusion in my life. it would’ve been nice to never have known you at all & have been spared/ never experienced that harm. but i did, so im grateful for the lesson. i’ll be the most grateful if i never have to experience you or your energy again.

it won’t always be necessary to like literally block the possibility of anything further. like i never wanna experience this or this person again so what’s in my power to guarantee that. genuinely i think the blocking of/ lesson learned with my dad was the hardest but most pivotal. not always will it be necessary to so manually & forcibly block. however it transpires when ive reached conclusion, the lesson is the same. & im grateful for his departure specifically, because it forcibly showed me how i have the power to decide myself & how it’s possible to choose myself with no consideration for anyone else’s emotions. i said what i said bc this is how i feel. i wouldn’t know how you feel about it & i don’t want to. this is how i feel. no further questions.

in essence, you could be well or you can rot in hell, in either case i don’t give a fuck to ever find out. that’s how it ends. for the sack of confusion, let me clarify & communicate this is how i feel . a simple, consistent routine action that’s followed by a quintessential irish goodbye.

#m #j

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magnoliamyrrh · 1 year ago

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genuine question how did u deal with your pregnancy scare because i think im going through one at the moment :(

hey dear <3 im sorry to hear that ur going through this, i hope its gonna b a false scare. it can definetely be scary and both times when I've gone through this it made me feel rather crazy

before i say anything else ill say tho: i went through this luckily in a place that allows abortion and knowing i had the money for tests or an abortion. if you dont, please reach out and ill try my best to work together to figure out something that would work. and if itd be really hard to get the money for tests (you can get those at most pharmacies and bigger stores) or an abortion any other way, please also reach out to me; i can most likely help out at least a bit with that. know that you're not alone, many of us have gone through this; it happens 🫂

...mostly, i tried to keep myself grounded and not spiral, which was hard, but i tried. i tried to tell myself that until enough time passed to take a test, there was nothing I could do about it, and thus it'd be best to just not think about it as much as possible until then; just set an alarm for that day and see then, because no amount of worrying, spiraling, thinking, etc. in the meantime would change anything. i also tried to not spiral into self hatred or self blame too much, because that again wouldn't be productive or change anything, just make me feel worse. these things happen, it is what it is.... i still thought about it and freaked out from time to time and it was always in the back of my mind, but trying to just think about it like this helped me during that time, and helped me from losing it as much as i could have..... i also had a tendency to want to put off getting a test and to avoid it, but I tried to tell myself again, that weather i know or dont know it wont change if its positive or not, and thus it would be better to know, and to know before the whole thing goes on longer if it is so. so, taking the actual tests was definetely anxiety inducing and scary, but i tried to tell myself that it had to be done, and it was the better option, and that I would be more okay if I knew, than didn't

.... one of my issues personally was that despite whatever rational thoughts i was having about if i was pregnant i realistically should not keep it for a very long list of reasons, i found out that i had an instict from somewhere in me to want to do so anyway. thus, i was more reticent to find out if i actually am or not, because I didn't know how I would handle that. i really struggled with this both times, dont know if you are. what helped me with that was just telling myself that no matter what, i couldn't. listing to myself all the reasons why it wouldn't work out - both for myself, and because even more importantly i wouldn't realistically be in a position to provide a kid everything they would need and everything that i would want to give them.... and trying to tell myself too, that its alright if i need to get an abortion; its not a bad thing (even though I generally feel this way, I've tended to end up personally conflicted when it comes to me). now, idk how your life is, where you're at, and how you're feeling about all this. what I can say is, if you are actually pregnant it's going to be your decision, and you'll get through it, and you'll be okay, but please if that is the case, really think about it.... but I would generally say, that is not something to keep too much on your mind until you take an actual test (or your period comes). it helped me to tell myself all the thoughts and contemplations just arent doing too much or taking me anywhere until i know

something i tried to tell myself too and that I'll tell u too, is that its gonna be okay. some women have a hard time with abortions, and others don't - thankfully ive never actually had to have one, just been there for friends who have- but it's going to be okay. you'll get through it and come out the other end and you'll be okay. you'll be okay until you find out and after you find out, whatever the results may be. you'll get through it, as you have gotten through other things in life <3

.... im sorry if this didn't help too much, but that's basically how I got through... the first time this happened it was actually due to something non-consensual too which was kinda a different kind of scary and crazy feeling to deal with, and I hope that's not the case with you, but if it is im sorry, and if you want you can send me another ask and I'll share how I got through that one..... but.. mostly.. just try to be gentle and kind with yourself, and try not to overthink until you can get an actual answer. do other things you enjoy, get other stuff you need to get done done, meditate, listen to music, talk to people, whatever may help you keep calm and take your mind off of it in the meantime. and know that you're not alone with going through this, and that youll b okay. ❤️🧡💛 wishing you the best 🌸

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twodimecastle · 3 years ago

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fifty bucks & six months.

spencer reid x gender neutral reader new relationship, secret keeping nonsense, 4.5k words, ao3 a/n; turns out i love writing texting fic but tumblr destroys the formatting rip

zero months.

You smile conspiratorially, extending a pinkie towards Spencer and he gives you a skeptical look.

“You know the odds of being found out immediately are-” he starts, but you cut him off.

“Astronomical, I know. I know. But don’t you think it’ll be fun to see how long we can push it?” you wheedle, not caring that your voice sounds more like begging than is strictly dignified because seeing the way Spencer’s nose crinkles in amusement at your heavy handed persuasion is too adorable to pass up. You scoot closer on the couch, tapping the end of his nose with your pinkie finger, letting him catch your hand between his as you continue “I think we’ve got a good shot at hiding it for a little while. It would be like a game.”

Spencer draws your captive hand to his lips, brushing them across your knuckles and watching fondly as you forge ahead in your campaign to persuade him, enjoying the show and the attention too much to tell you he’s already on board. Your eyes are shining with the prospect of the caper, and you’ve made no move to take your hand back from him, and Spencer’s pretty sure he’d be more than happy to sit with you in this moment forever. “I mean-” you go on, gesturing animatedly with your free hand, “you’re like-a really good liar when you want to be. And everyone else always forgets how good you are at it.”

He snorts at that and the sound makes you light up, eyes tracking the arch of his brows, the warmth in his soft brown eyes, memorising the way he looks like this; utterly unbothered, completely at ease. It might be your favourite version of him, but that race has always been a tight one with no clear winner in sight. You have lots of favourite versions of Spencer. Twisting your hand in his, you tangle your fingers together, savouring the way you feel his thumb glide delicately along your skin and the unhidden joy in his face at the simple show of affection.

Time to play your trump card.

“$50 says we can hide it from the whole group for at least six months. If everyone figures it out before then, you win. But if not everyone has worked it out by then, I win.”

The mischievous shine in your eyes is irresistible, and Spencer smiles, disentangling one of his hands from yours to extend his own pinky finger.

“You’re on.”

The words barely make it out of his mouth before you’re colliding with him, pressing your lips to his.

two months.

“So, how long has this whole thing been going on?” Derek’s question catches Spencer off guard, and, based on the way he can see you freeze in his peripheral vision, takes you by surprise as well. Sliding into the driver's seat of the SUV, Derek continues “I hope you didn’t think you were gonna be able to keep me in the dark for long, pretty boy. You should know better than that.”

Following mechanically after him, Spencer takes the passenger seat, trying to frame his next statement as carefully as possible as he hears your door close and the car start. “We were-going to tell you guys-” he begins uncomfortably, glancing back to you for support, but you look just as on edge as he feels. “We were just gonna-keep it to ourselves for a while-before telling Hotch and everything-” he tries again, the mounting tension levering his shoulders higher and higher with every passing moment, but then Derek just laughs, shaking his head.

“Hey, I’m happy for you, kid. For both of you.” He spares a look at you in the back seat through the rear view mirror, and you can feel the tension in your jaw relax, the furrows in your brow straightening out at the note of approval in Derek’s voice. “I’m glad you two finally figured it out,” he says, fondly, and you laugh.

“I bet Spence we could keep it from you guys at least six months,” you explain, reaching forwards through the centre console to link your pinky with Spencer’s, and the touch of your hand releases the last of the tension he had been harbouring as he covers your hand with the other one of his own. He knows Derek clocks the motion, filing it away in his mind somewhere, but he doesn’t care about the scrutiny so much right now. Not when your hand is so warm and comfortable in his.

Derek reaches for the dial on the radio and flicks through the channel, thinking about something, and as you watch, a slow mischievous smirk spreads across his face a moment later before he glances first at Spencer and then at you.

“I’ll tell you what,” he says to you, and Spencer can feel a familiar grin tugging at his own lips as he watches a plan take shape in his friend’s eyes. “I’m happy to sit on this information for a while for a cut of the winnings from whichever one of you comes out on top.” He snorts good naturedly as he continues “I have my own bet to win with Prentiss, so if you two help me win that one, I’ll cut you in too.”

“A quid pro quo of sorts,” Spencer says slowly, and he feels your fingers tighten around his, as you snort softly, and he knows instinctually you’re grinning the same way you always do when you’re winning a game. “I think we can do that.”

Derek grins, turning the music up as he nods, eyes on the road. “Then you two love birds have got yourselves a deal.”

two months and two weeks.

PG: youre not as slick as you think you are ;)

YN: ???

PG: ;))))))))) you should invest in some concealer for your work bag sweetness or tell the good doctor to pay more attention to whats visible in your work clothes

YN: oh my fucking god wait how do you even know thats how that happened

PG: im all knowing and all seeing im like the omnipotent goddess of the fbi

YN: derek blabbed

PG: he sang like a canary but also im an omnipotent goddess im also totally clued in on the whole bet situation with em so for the low low price of every single juicy detail about how this adorableness went down you can buy my silence :)

YN: im getting derek decaf coffee on all coffee runs from now on >:( traitors dont get caffeine

PG: darling sweet angel i need deets all of them like immediately

YN: >:( fine ok so. after that case down in georgia a few months ago? the weird one? with the creepy mother son thing?

PG: omg yuck pls dont remind me im here for the CUTENESS not the MURDER

YN: sorryyyyyyy anyway so spence was like being super weird about it all on the plane and whatever but he was doing that super annoying thing where he ignores it and says hes fine so everyone leaves him alone

PG: YEAH why does everyone here do that ALL THE TIME its SO annoyingggg

YN: ikr its insufferable and like super not subtle ANYWAY. spence was being weird and whatever and i just. refused to let him sulk on his own or whatever like i could tell there was something bothering him and so after work i insisted that we were gonna get like shitty diner food or whatever and watch a movie and he knows better than to say no to me

PG: smart boy

YN: so we got fries and milkshakes and then went back to his place to watch a movie and he was still like weird and silent and like brooding yknow? but whatever just figured hed talk about it when he was ready so i put on a movie and offered to make popcorn and then he was just staring at me and he looked so SAD and TIRED and i thought id done something wrong like the poor guy looked like he was gonna cry and i was panicking over fucking popcorn and then he says ‘why are you always so nice to me?’

PG: oh my god hes like if a sad victorian orphan was actually a triplicate phd holder

YN: i was SO thrown off i was like spencer. spencer were best friends. ive been forcing you to hang out with me for years now why do you THINK im being nice to you its bc i care about you asshole and then. like after another million years after letting me sweat it out over whether hes about to cry for like fucking years the asshole grabs my hand and says. i shit you not. ‘you know im in love with you, right?’ !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

PG: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

YN: anyway hes my boyfriend now :’) dont tell anyone tho gotta win the bet

four months.

Lingering by the elevator, you glance around at the uncharacteristically silent office building, waiting for Spencer to leave the bullpen. The sound of his footfalls drawing nearer makes you smile and you mentally applaud yourself for suggesting the two of you remained behind after disembarking from the plane, taking advantage of the manufactured privacy to take the same car home, back to his apartment.

When he sees you waiting for him, he can’t help the soft fond smile that tugs at his face, as he reaches for your hand, sliding his fingers into yours with a gentle squeeze, the quiet of the building allowing him to indulge in the show of affection. You return the squeeze, leaning your head on his shoulder with a yawn and as he presses a fond kiss to your temple he’s rewarded by a sleepy hum of approval from you that sends a rush of quiet joy shooting through him.

“At least we won’t be sleeping in hotel beds again tonight,” you say, voice weary, and Spencer nods as he shuffles you into the elevator. The doors slide shut and the elevator starts to move and in the moment of absolute privacy, you steal a kiss, tilting your chin up to catch his lips with yours, revelling in the soft huff of surprise he lets out, even as he smiles against your mouth. Even after months, the simple act of kissing Spencer still feels new and thrilling somehow, like you can’t quite believe it’s something you’re allowed to do.

His nose brushes yours and he breathes “unless something big comes up, we get a sleep in tomorrow too,” and the way you beam at him sends his heart racing in his chest, unable to look away from the fondness shining in your eyes.

As the two of you exit the elevator and make your way through the Bureau car park, you tuck yourself against his side, wedging yourself under his arm with a happy sigh, eager to get yourself horizontal and asleep as fast as possible. Spencer brushes his lips against your temple again as the two of you close in on his car, almost free and clear of the office when a voice behind the two of you brings you up short.

“Reid?”

Spencer is reacting before his mind catches up, turning on his heel towards the sound of Hotch’s voice echoing through the parking lot, conscious of the incriminating way you’re still tucked against his side, even as his brain is rifling frantically through any possible excuses for the current circumstances.

“Hotch-” you step away from Spencer, cheeks flaming, not wanting to chance a look at him. “I-we-thought everyone else had gone home,” you trail off lamely, trying your hardest not to balk under Hotch’s ominously impassive scrutiny. A second passes, then another, and the short silence feels like months, or years even as the three of you stand locked in a stalemate.

“I take it the two of you would prefer to keep this under wraps?” He asks, finally, and it registers with Spencer, somewhat belatedly, that Hotch’s tone isn’t admonishing. It isn’t enough to dissipate the tension coiling in Spencer’s muscles just yet, but he spares a glance at you as he nods, and a moment later, Hotch gives the two of you a curt nod of his own. “I’ll tell you what,” he says, a shade of irony colouring his voice. “If you two fill out the paperwork for in-team relationships for me, I’ll keep it to myself. I understand privacy is hard to come by in our office.”

The words take a while to fully sink in, and you’re conscious that you’re standing there blinking and gaping at your boss like a bemused fish for a good few seconds before you’ve composed yourself enough to say “absolutely, sir. Of course. Thank you.”

Hotch nods again, heading towards his own car, and as he passes the two of you, a brief smile flashes across his face.

“Congratulations, you two. Get some sleep.”

four months and three weeks.

Spencer isn’t sure how late it is, but he knows you’re not asleep yet, the faint glow of your phone screen casting faint distorted shadows across his room as your free hand rests lightly on his chest. In the dark blue twilight of his room, the space feels undefined and dream like somehow, the line between his mind and his surroundings blurry or indistinct somehow, and as you huff out a near silent laugh at something on the screen in your hand, a thought rises to the surface of his thoughts like flotsam on an unwanted tide.

The more clinical part of his mind notes the autonomic response in his body, the way his heart lurches unpleasantly in his chest, heart rate rising with an influx of cortisol through his nervous system, automatically rifling through ways to control the anxiety response. Age old instinct surges forwards, starting to push his spiralling anxiety down out of sight so as not to bother you with it, but then your hand shifts infinitesimally on his chest, fingers curling in the soft fabric of his pyjama shirt, and for once his body is miles ahead of his brilliant mind, your name is leaving his lips before he’s really aware of it happening.

Your gaze flashes up from your phone at the sound of his voice, soft and hesitant, and you let the screen go dark as you set it down. You can feel Spencer’s heart hammering against his ribs under your palm, and your brows knit together in concern as you shift closer to his side, tracing gentle circles over his shirt with your fingertips, the repetitive motion intended to soothe, though you’re not sure if it’s for his benefit or yours.

“Yeah, baby?” You ask softly, working hard to keep the rising worry from your voice. After three years of friendship and almost six months of dating, you know him well enough to sense when his propensity for overthinking and catastrophizing is slipping out of his control. You can feel his chest rise as he inhales sharply, whatever he’s about to say cut off by second guessing, doing nothing to pacify your concern. “Spence? Is everything okay?” You ask again.

“This-bet-hiding our relationship-it’s-” he trails off, throat tight as he rolls onto his side, facing away from you, and smushing his face into the pillow, already wishing he hadn’t said anything. You’re the kindest person he’s ever met, but offering up this kind of raw insecurity feels like pulling teeth. Even if it’s you. Especially if it’s you. He doesn’t know if he’s ready to find out if you care about him enough to stay when his racing mind gets the better of him. The pillow muffles his voice as he says “never mind.”

You feel your own heart rate tic up in response to that, matching the wild beat of Spencer’s that you could feel under your palm only a second ago. “Baby, talk to me. What’s on your mind?”

He shakes his head, face still hidden in the pillow. “It’s stupid.”

He can feel the rush of your breath on his back as you sigh, and your voice is almost achingly patient as you say softly “it’s not stupid if it matters to you.” There’s a long pause, and you press yourself against his back, settling close and letting your hand slide over his side to rest on his chest, the heat of his skin sinking into yours even through his thin shirt. In spite of his height, he feels so small as you wrap yourself around him, drawing closer, trying to reassure him without yet knowing what he needs to be reassured of. “Spence?”

“Are you ashamed of-being with me? Is that why you want to hide it?” The words are almost whispered, the sound almost lost against his pillow and your heart sinks, plummeting faster and further than if you’d dropped it off the side of a skyscraper. You should’ve known he might worry about that, should have realised it might have felt that way. Remorse rises hot and bitter in your throat and you swallow it down, trying to steady your voice.

“Spencer. Sweetheart. No. Never. I could never be ashamed. I love you. I’m so sorry.” Your arms wrap more tightly around him and you bury your face against the crook of his neck, the tension you can feel in every inch of his body making you feel more cruel and short-sighted than you already do. “I’m sorry I didn’t realise it might feel like that. I could never be ashamed of being with you, Spence. You’re my favourite person.” He takes the kind of shaky, shallow breath that comes with trying not to cry and your heart breaks a little more as one of his hands slowly moves to cover yours where it rests against his chest, just over his heart.

As his hand rests over yours, his thumb strokes lightly along your knuckles, and he knows you know him well enough to notice the way his hand trembles, just a little, because then your hand is shifting against his, turning to clumsily tangle your fingers with his, holding tighter to him as he tries to collect himself, drawing in a deep, shuddering breath as his eyes squeeze shut. He can hear the contrition in your voice as you say softly “I’ve never really liked having people know everything about what’s going on in my life. And I love our friends but-something like this, that’s so-special? So new? I wanted to be able to keep it to just us for a while.”

“I’m sorry.” His voice comes out a little shaky, scarcely more than a whisper, and it’s more than you can take as you pull back and gently force him to roll over to face you. He’s not crying, but his eyes are glassy and you recognise the fight to keep the tears unshed in the tight set of his jaw and the hard line of his lips. Leaning on your elbow, you lift your free hand to gently smooth out the furrows of his brow, letting your fingers linger along the planes of his face.

“Why are you sorry,” you ask gently. “You don’t need to be sorry, baby. Not for talking to me about things that bother you. We can tell everyone else tomorrow, if you want? We can call off the bet. Derek will live. If he’s got a problem with it I’ll turn all his shirts into crop tops.”

He can tell the joke is a last bid attempt to make him smile, to ease his fear, and it works. In spite of the anxious weight in his chest that feels like it’s pressing him into the mattress, Spencer laughs weakly, meeting your eyes, and he watches as a relieved smile breaks across your face, releasing your lower lip from where you’d trapped it worriedly between your teeth. The unmitigated affection that floods into your eyes renders him momentarily breathless as he takes in the moment. You’re still here, still trying to take care of him. Just as kind and steadfast as ever.

“No,” he says eventually, wrapping his arms around you, pulling you down on top of him like a living weighted blanket, letting your warmth chase the bulk of the tension from his body and luxuriating in the way you curl into him, one hand sliding into his hair. “We shouldn’t call off the bet. We still have to take Emily’s money, remember?”

Your sleepy laugh is the last thing he hears before his eyes close and the feel of your body wound around his lulls him to sleep.

five months.

SR: Can I talk to you about something?

DM: you dying or something? that’s a really fuckin ominous text to recieve out of the blue

SR: I’m not dying, why would that be what you assumed? I just have a question.

DM: just a figure of speech but what’s up?

SR: It’s about your bet with Emily. What’re the terms for it?

DM: wym?

SR: What exactly did you two make the bet about? What needs to happen in order for you to win the bet?

DM: does this count as collusion?

SR: Technically yes, but calling it collusion implies a certain degree of illegality.

DM: whatever anyway the terms i made with em were that you’d make some kind of move before your birthday but she reckoned you were gonna need some kind of near death experience to do anything about your crush why?

SR: I’m just making sure I have all the information.

DM: what’s going on pretty boy? you planning something?

SR: Maybe.

DM: not a helpful answer reid is everything good?

SR: Everything’s fine. We’re just figuring some stuff out. Nothing to worry about.

DM: is there something you’re not telling me?

SR: Don’t worry about it.

five months, three weeks and six days.

In the chaos that was the scramble from the briefing room to the jet, you haven’t yet had the chance to speak to Spencer about the outcome of his most recent thesis defence panel. By the time you’ve got a moment to breathe, the jet is underway, coasting across the country towards Montana, the whole team settled in for the six hour flight. You corner him in the tiny kitchen area of the jet as he’s making a mug of mediocre coffee, fingers tapping out an absent minded rhythm on the countertop as the coffee machine whirs, clearly not paying attention to anything outside of his head.

“Hey, boy genius.” He jumps, whirling around, eyes wide with surprise, and you smile fondly. “So?” You demand, and Spencer raises an eyebrow in confusion. You snort, rolling your eyes as you elaborate. “Your defence panel. Did it go okay?”

You’re shifting your weight and fidgeting restlessly with the belt loops on your pants and as he studies you for a moment, it occurs to Spencer that you’re nervous for him over this outcome. The thought brings an almost giddy smile to his face.

“You know this isn’t my first thesis defence panel, right?” He says mildly, deliberately burying the lede, enjoying the way you scowl in irritation too much to answer your question right away, too enamoured with this display of concern on his behalf.

“Don’t be difficult, Doctor Reid. It’s still a big deal.” He just shrugs noncommittally, and you huff, swatting his arm lightly. “So did it go well?” You ask again, eyes narrowing as you try to dissect his microexpressions, trying to discern the answer he seems determined to keep from you for yourself. A few seconds later, he relents.

“I can now add degree number six to my wall.” He confirms. Getting degrees doesn’t hold the same rush of pride for him now, the accomplishment feeling somewhat less exceptional as he acquires more of them, but the way your face lights up with pride for him reminds him how special the things he’s capable of can be. You’ve always made him feel like more than the sum of his parts somehow, like something infinitely more precious than he always assumed he is.

“I fucking knew it. That’s amazing, Spence,” you say, chest warm and full with pride and love, and his almost shy smile in return is enough to make a decision for you in a split second. Your hand dips into your back pocket, drawing something out, and you carefully hide it from view in your palm as Spencer tracks the motion curiously with his eyes.

Your eyes are shining with affection and something that looks like mischief and the way you’re smiling at him is more than enough to divert his attention as you step closer, just barely noticing as you slip something into his hand. You’re dangerously, distractingly close now, and he’s conscious, if somewhat distantly, that neither of you is concealed from the rest of the team, scant meters away in the seating area of the jet. But you’re smiling and close enough for him to feel your breath on his face and suddenly your lips are on his, and even after nearly seven months of being able to touch you like this, it’s enough to make him forget everything else as he melts into the contact, savouring the warmth of your skin and the faint smell of your shampoo.

You pull back a second later, the kiss over almost as soon as it started, but it’s enough to attract attention, and you can hear a belated ‘oh SHIT’ from Emily in the main cabin of the jet. In your peripheral vision, you can see money changing hands, your friends scrambling to react, but you don’t look at them, choosing to enjoy the bemused, affectionate look on Spencer’s face as his brain catches up to the events unfolding around the two of you.

“I was tired of keeping it a secret,” you say fondly, loud enough only for him to hear. “You win.”

Blinking in confusion, he finally tears his gaze away from yours, fingers uncurling to reveal the fifty dollar bill you had pressed into his palm right before you kissed him. The penny drops and he snorts with laughter, shaking his head in half hearted indignation as his other arm loops around you, pulling you in, letting you rest your head on his shoulder, hiding your face from the rest of the team as he kisses your temple, revelling in the way you wind yourself around him in response.

“I was gonna do this in like two days. I wanted you to win,” he murmurs against your hairline, and he can feel your faint laughter.

“Too bad, baby. I’m used to getting my way,” you say, pulling back to steal another quick kiss before peeling yourself out of his arms with a wink, turning to face the onslaught of ‘care to fucking explain that’ and ‘I fucking told you so’ from the rest of your friends, tugging him with you by your joined hands.

#spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid/you #spencer reid/reader #reid #criminal minds #criminal minds fanfiction #criminal minds imagine #dr spencer reid #my writing #spencer reid fluff

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robozombii · 3 years ago

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o tumblr user viotti dash violet please give your opinions on vivi yukino from mystery skulls animated the flash animated music video series created by mystery ben featuring official music made b

I know what you are.

ok you want a rant ill give you a rant (has work they should be doing)

I FEEL LIKE VIVI GETS BRUSHED OVER A LOT OR doesnt have as much investment in fan content and such and even i unconsciously do that because of the fact the majority of conflict in msa is based around lewis and arthur, although now i do believe shes getting the spotlight and GOOD FOR HER GOOD FOR HER G

I REALLY LOVE HER BECAUSE OF HER UNWAVERING LOYALTY i mean shes kinda been through a lot of bullshit before the mansion. ARTHUR WAS KEEPING A LOT AWAY FROM HER AND ESPECIALLY MYSTERY. we only saw a small bit of what that was like in the Losing My Mind comic but imagine seeing your best friend lose sleep over trying to find 'a random guy' and not telling anything? ive only seen A FEW fics cover vivis possible frustration over everyone hurting on the inside over conflict that she can never know about. SHOW MORE OF HER EMOTIONS DAMMIT theres just something shes missing in fics that people put in arthur and lewis yk? or maybe im just too picky

and yet shell still fight for them? i guess she isnt the most thoughtful when it comes to fast paced situations. shes very quick to fight but it also just shows that shell VIOLENTLY protect her loved ones no matter what HAHA shes also just been very persevering through this entire shitshow. i mean mystery knew everything, arthur knew somewhat what happened, and she had close to nothing. she probably still doesnt know shit! did she even recognize lewis at the end of the future?? even then she doesnt hesitate to act on her thoughts and i believe thats done her some good, protecting others

BUT THERES STILL FLAWS!! she isnt perfect and IDC I LOVE HER but uh her fast acting also got shiromori killed yknow? her actions focused on a black and white conflict bad versus evil, but she doesnt even know the fact mystery has switched sides several times, once befriending shiromori in the past. AND HONESTLY i dont know what to make of that. i dont.. know if shiromori will come back?? or what the conclusion of mystery. vivi, and her conflict will be. but like things arent gonna fit perfectly and again this goes to people who might think of her as the more composed person of the gang but like man everyone is struggling here HAHA

also im typing out utter bullshit if someone wants to commentate or correct something i said then like feel free i guess I WISH I COULD SAY MORE i really do but my mind always blanks out at times. OH OH YALL SHOULD READ "Loveless Glasses" ON AO3 it kinda made me realize that like yeah. holy shit vivi would be stressed out and frustrated over whatever arthur was doing when trying to search for lewis yk? i think it made my brain spin ANYHOW i love women stan vivi and like everyone else i guess EXCEPT REVERB....... and maybe chloe........ that one chloe = SOLO theory really got me like..........

#im gonna go do my work now #SOBS #HELP ME #i hope i dont sound like an idiot in this rant #im just #yeah this is very emotion fueled #i would make a coherent analysis if i could but i cant #msa #mystery skulls #mystery skulls animated #vivi yukino #im gay #vivi screams at you about msa real

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uwumessenger · 4 years ago

Text

random headcanons i have for each om! character teehee

hi it's been a while since ive posted some hcs bc uni has been kicking my a$$! luckily i only have a few papers to tidy up and im done. here r some hcs for each obey me character that ive accumulated over the past few months wink wonk

most are random but some constants you'll find are what i think they smell like, languages they can speak (other than their native (demon/angel) and eng/jp), and music tastes !

lucifer

i have a strong feeling that he showers twice a day: in the morning after waking up and at night before going to bed

his cologne is probably the type that will last in an elevator for like a week after he uses it once. i dont think this mf ever smells like anything other than his cologne

has a secret folder on his phone of semi-nudes and other scandalous pics from when he felt sexy at the time omg

aside from demon language/eng/jp he can speak french and knows latin

listens to classical stuff yea but he also listens to diavolos mixtapes (re: diavolo's section)

not a fan of sweets but will eat sweet things when craving

really bland sense of humor...borderline cringey 😭✋🏻

mammon

has gone to google images and searched for "inspirational quotes tumblr" "gold aesthetic tumblr" & "relatable crush post tumblr" then reposts it onto his socials or just taps thru them and giggles bc he relates

his cologne doesnt last as long as lucifers and probably smells common. he has to reapply a lot but it's a people pleasing smell. it's cheaper hence the constant reapplying

he probably does have an expensive bottle but is the type to totally overspray...eek

he is canonically a car guy 🥲 and probably tells the one in his room good morning & good night + kisses the hood every once in a while. has tons of car magazines

he doesnt really speak other languages but has attempted to learn spanish before

listens to whatever is on the radio. doesnt rly stan anyone but he eventually will listen to mc's playlist and mc's playlist ONLY

levi

lurks on mc's socials ALL THE TIMEEEE like he will rewatch ur stories and scroll thru ur feed and overanalyze ur tweets/rts or blog posts. if ur mc isnt the type to use sns much he still googles ur name all the damn time just to find any sites u might be on fjdjdjdjskks

probably streams on whatever youtube or twitch devildom site equivalent there is, but only has like 40 or so followers. which he is okay with!

until he sees someone else who gets more attention than him. then the envy starts kicking in bad. especially if they suck 🧍🏻‍♀️

classic gamer boy smell. you know, sweat, tears, must, and (sometimes) axe deodorant. lucifer has to do a scent check before he goes out to any event & lets him use his cologne. how sweet!

kpop stan!! more girl groups than anything and his ults are probably GIRLS GENERATION, wonder girls, twice, loona, & red velvet

cried when ioi disbanded and refused to leave his room. the only thing u could hear was downpour on loop at full blast

can also speak korean & communicate in echolocation like dolphins 😏

satan

listens to country music you cant change my mind

smells like whatever environment he is in. he doesnt really have a designated smell just throws some deodorant on and goes about his day.

he's sooooo bad at driving...gets road rage way too often so his license has been REVOKED

but hes totally a backseat driver. needs to be sedated on long trips

do not let him watch finding nemo when luke asks to watch it. it's not worth it. he will cause mass destruction.

if he was a human or lived long term in the human world he totally has the ability to be a doctor

is studying as many languages as possible, but he mostly knows latin & french & german etc etc. wants to learn all the dead languages out of curiousity

asmo

dont think this mf has ever held down a relationship. ever

he doesnt compromise much & is not willing to change his lifestyle to fit an s/o into it. you keep up with how he lives or it just isnt meant to be (but dont worry! he'll eventually learn...maybe,,,,)

has the hardest time out of everyone when it comes to breaking bad habits

his smell varies bc he uses a variety of perfumes (whatever is the most popular at the time) but he probably sticks to floral and fresh scents. he never uses generic people pleaser scents like mammon

listens to electropop, mainstream pop, & some alternative rock

as for languages he too knows french, spanish, italian, etc. in general, if it's a romance language he knows it!

opposite of lucifer in the sense where he loves sweets and will refrain from eating too many bitter things

i think we all know that asmo is the biggest rockstar of the group! he's probably been in a boy band at least once, but now he makes his own music

has tried to teach mammon how to sing once. ended up in a broken piano and bleeding ears...

beel

i feel like he is SO SHY

like unless ur close to him he will not start conversations or anything

i think he listens to r&b a lot ! and jazz 😎 maybe rock as well

smells like ur typical athlete with undertones of wet wipes. he carries them around bc he likes to clean his hands before he eats & is prepared for when theres no sink nearby

he can drive and he drives really well. no rough turns, parallel parks perfectly, and never has problems with merging

driving with beel is probably really soothing. left hand is steering the other is gripping ur thigh 😫

dont think hes really fluent in any other language but hes probably semi fluent in korean because levi wanted beel to help him out

definitely know how to order food in practically every language tho HAHAHA

belphie

he reminds me of randall from monsters inc

smells kinda musty IM SORRY but not the way levi does hes more like the kind of musty u feel or smell when it's a shitty morning

but that's only because hes so lazy, when he cleans up hes like satan

has definitely murdered multiple people before. mc is not the first 😐✋🏻

with that being said belphie has been put into prison at least twice when visiting the human world, the mf had such a strong hatred for humans theres no way he never got into trouble before

lucifer probably broke him out and they used the pen thingies from men in black to erase everyones memory of that 🙄

dont think he listens to anything other than music that'll put him to sleep. really likes lazy song by bruno mars but thinks that bruno mars put too much effort into the song. should have been one acapella verse and then finish

similar to beel hes only semi fluent in one language, probably french bc of lucifer. doesnt remember much but knows a couple of lullabies and bedtime stories

the sandman used to be his bff until they drifted. they do, however, like and comment on each other's sns posts.

diavolo

once he found out who nicki minaj was he became her #1 stan

def an ariana grande stan too 😌

choreographs dances when hes stressed...idk just seems like a diavolo thing to do

also makes rly bad soundcloud rap music sometimes. turns to poetry when hes feeling emo but only lucifer knows this. barbatos is suspicious of him but doesnt have enough evidence to confirm.

his dad is like hudson abadeer from adventure time aka marceline's dad? something must have influenced him to want to unite the 3 realms + he would need the approval to do so, so his dad must be more chill than all the others before him 🧍🏻‍♀️ IDK ok anyway

currently going through his hamilton phase bc of mc. whether mc's intent was to get him hooked onto it or just to explain it bc of something he saw online, he tells everyone that he found out abt it bc of mc!

this man cannot drive his skills are only second to jumin han

not too fond of many languages but knows the widely spoken ones like spanish, mandarin, etc. if it's taught in high school he knows it

smells like a las vegas casino. not sure why but i feel like he does. but there's also an interesting & nice smell to him if he embraces you. it's a smell you cant quite identify. but it smells nostalgic, it's mysterious, and it's tempting.

barbatos

very calm demeanor but underneath hes WILD hes probably done everything at least once oof

he just has a lot of control and stability over himself (must be nice!)

on a more angsty note i feel like he might have had his heartbroken sO BAD IDK he is hurting and maybe that's why hes so willing to obey diavolo and not abuse his time lord power thingies bc he learned his lesson the hard way

mans is so smart he knows every language you could switch languages mid conversation with him and he wouldnt be thrown off. he'd probably start speaking it too.

BUT HE SPEAKS VIET P E R F E C T L Y

listens to the same stuff as lucifer but also likes eminem. likes the movie 8 mile but criticized it heavily

have you ever been to a chinese herb shop? naturally, he smells like that. his room probably smells like it too. he doesnt really have a significant smell like some of the others

when he bakes he smells like whatever hes baking tho

one of the few out of everyone listed to have been able to travel to literally everywhere

solomon

was probably on kitchen nightmares once, but only to get feedback from chef gordon ramsay. then he used his magic to prevent the episode from airing...

was in an orchestra, one of the best times of his life. played the violin. asmo watched him in the audience once, but didnt approach him until well after that performance.

he CANNOT sing. he can, however, rap.

doesnt listen to music. he listens to podcasts! but every now and then he turns on background music, but prefers it to be instrumental stuff

never wears sunglasses. also does not have a driver's license. cannot drive a regular car. could maybe fly an airplane.

due to his immortality he has learned almost every language to exist, but finds himself speaking mandarin the most. knows most dialects too

similar smell to barbatos but u can also smell some sunscreen on him too. like, generic beach day suncreen

he has a lot of pact marks, so he once had the idea to match foundation to his skin. it took him two weeks but he eventually perfected a combination. yes he will help u find ur perfect shade if u ask him to

simeon

another country music man. has also made a tiktok or two to that one song that goes "he cant even bait a hook." they are private tho

angel country music exists and simeon invented it

if he visits the human world and wears more causal clothing he probably tucks his shirt into his pants

wears a speedo at the beach i tell u, speedo at the beach

he can speak german...i can feel it

uses his pointer finger to type and holds the phone like 2 inches away from his face so sometimes his nose will push a key hence all his typos

has no signature smell. he simply smells like your favorite scent all the time. if multiple people are around him at once, everyone smells a different smell. it's pretty rad

"what does he smell like to himself?" u may be asking. hmm...a church? 💀

luke

his first pet was a goldfish and a few months before the exchange program happened, he was given a koi pond!

secretly likes hanging out with levi sometimes just to play with henry. makes him miss his pet fish back home

so his favorite movie is probably finding nemo and he threw a fit when nemo touched the butt

luke is probably learning german bc of simeon, though he'd like to learn more of the dead languages just for fun

i dont think he listens to music often or has any preferences, he just listens to whatever is playing on the radio

but he finds himself listening to the music mc listens to

smells like freshly baked goods all the time. or fresh laundry. but like, not combined. just depends on the day

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phoneybeatlemania-bit-the-dust · 4 years ago

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I’d disagree with the anon that Paul was “incapable” of love, but I do agree he was very distanced, and pretty cruel (to women) when he was younger. (It was unfortunate they bought into the love at first sight myth, but he was also a charmer, and dropped affection and got colder after fucking them.)

But I just can’t see romantic interest on Paul’s end. I’m sure he loved John, but a lot of the “sexual/Romantic evidence” really can just be as construed as platonic love. I feel there may be some confirmation bias looking for “clues”. (Not an attack on anyone, but some of the analysises seem to try too hard, really).

He does make references, with the whole “calling him babe during concerts”, and “in bed” but that could just mean he’s not uncomfortable with coming off “gay”. He has a quote about it somewhere I think. He’s supportive of the community at any rate.

This is kind of my own bias, but at times I think he…plays it up a little during the present day? Again, I’m positive he did love John a lot, but with how he is, a charmer, good at manipulating his image, he knows there is a benefit to building up the “magical” Lennon McCartney dynamic. John’s dead, and the old conflicts have faded, so he has no reason not to. I don’t think he’s anti-social, or a psycho or anything, but he certainly does put a lot of thought into his image, especially now, with how he wants to leave his legacy.

I’m less knowledgeable about John, and the speculation about his mental illnesses, but on his end, I can certainly see it. Maybe he’s just blind, but the looks are very much…yeah. He does seem to rely Paul a lot, and hold him in very high regard (REGARDLESS of what those old male biographers might make of him). You just know he was suffering over Paul, poor bastard.

Not sure if anything happened. I think Paul knew though, and either ignored it, or was kind, knowing John wouldn’t act on it. OR he didn’t notice! With the whole “we shared beds A LOT. you would think he’d make a pass at me, darling~”

I guess that’s how I see it. I don’t really have strong feelings on the nature of their relationship, or want them to be “confirmed”, so I try to be as objective as possible! Not a shipper, but not a male biographer. In fact, I was very put off learning the ship was a thing at first! With every fan base “having to” ship the main male leads, that’s what I thought this was. But after three years, reading actual books, primary stuff, I’ve began to change my mind on its legitimacy, and this was my conclusion. But new information can always change!

(Sorry for the long long analysis, god! I just took my adderall and I should go eat! Feel free to block me for spam/harassment.)

Yeah, this is basically my big mclennon dilemma: did Paul love John?

Of course he loved him, but I mean did he harbour any homosexual feelings towards John - and I just go back and fourth on that a lot.

In my last response to an anon I wasn’t necessarily trying to argue that Paul was romantically/sexually attached to John, because all in all, I don’t believe he did - but it probably came off that way because I didn’t particularly like the way the anon had phrased some stuff (like calling him “a master manipulator” and “incapable of love”) and so I just sort of wanted to show that the relationship was more nuanced then just “john was simping for paul”. My overall point with that response was more so that whilst I think Paul struggles in showing real affection and emotions, I don’t think he was incapable of love prior to Linda. I think he did really love John (in whichever form of love you want to take it: romantically, platonically etc.)

And so my point I guess wasnt so much that Paul was always capable of love (because I think he did at least love his family, his close-friends, probably Jane etc.), but maybe more so that he was always capable of intimacy with another person, though he struggled with it.

But yeah, he was quite cruel to a lot of the girls he slept with in the 60s, but I wouldn’t say that suggests he was incapable of love (i know thats not what you’re saying but other people might interpret it through that lens) I would just say he was young, dumb, ridiculously rich and famous and not emotionally mature enough yet to really empathise with most of those girls. Not trying to completely excuse him, but like, i dunno, i always just try to view people from the most human perspective. Everyones an twat sometimes yknow

I also really struggle to see romance on Pauls behalf towards John - the only times I think “wait but maybe he did fancy john back” is when I read some of his lyrics (like in ‘Coming Up’, ‘Yvonne’s The One’, and to some extent ‘Here Today’ - though I think interpreting Here Today as strictly platonic love is still a valid interpretation). I mentioned this in a different post though, that analysing his lyrics just isnt particularly convincing for me, because it feels more like speculation - and also as someone who does write songs, I know that a lot of lyrics just arent as deep as we wish they were. It is really difficult to be truly introspective and honest in a song, without exaggerating or hyperbolising or fictionalising any autobiographical aspects.

I do see your point with Paul possibly playing up the “Lennon/McCartney m a g i c” - im not entirely sure how much I agree, but I do agree to some extent. I think he’s always been very image conscious, and being in what is probably the all-time most famous pop band definitely wouldve heightened that. Even as a teenager I think he’s always just had this natural charm about him, and that tends to stem I guess from a need to be liked; I think you can see it in every interview he’s ever done to be honest. Its not necessarily a bad thing, (because id take a charmer over a rude knobhead any day) but I guess it sort of just shows that Paul is flawed like everybody else. Also, just read @mothernatures-sons tags and I agree with her - Paul just knows when to be a nice person! Nothing wrong with that! It isnt manipulative like the last anon suggested, its just how most people are: polite :) Ive heard a lot of anecdotes from people who have worked with or met Paul and the majority of them say he was a just a nice guy. Not saying he was never an arsehole (cause yeah he was pretty cruel to those girls in the 60s) but I think overall, hes a pretty good guy 👍

On the other hand though, you could also say that superficial journalists are looking for superficial answers - and Paul knows what the people want to hear. But occasionally ill hear an interview that does seem more intimate then most - I havent listened to it in awhile, but the interview he did with Sean I remember felt more honest to me then most. And when he said he’d like to spend the day “in bed” with John, to me that felt like a genuine and fitting response. Because, whilst it has sexual connotations, it also just feels like he’s saying he’d just like to sit around, chat, dont chat, just whatever with John for a day. Like he would just like another moment of intimacy with him.

I think we are pretty much in agreement on most of this though! At first I was also like “nah, mclennon isnt real, teenage girls just love shipping guys!” (I am a teenaged girl and I can confirm this lol) but then it just sort of became apparent to me through reading more and more about their relationship that there probably was something more on Johns behalf. If John wasnt in love with Paul, then it feels as though a lot of things he said and did just dont add up (the big one for me is him marrying Yoko so soon after Paul married Linda - like I really cannot come up with a heterosexual explanation for that!)

But when it comes to Paul, though ill have moments of doubt, I dont think he was in love with John (homosexually) and I do think a lot of the evidence on Pauls behalf seems like a stretch (but like you, im not having a go at anyone, because I understand that it is easy to carried away, plus its fun - but realistically, most of Pauls evidence just is not convincing to me). He’s comfortable with his sexuality, and I really do try to respect that and not force a gay interpretation of quotes or songs from him, unless it is genuinely making me question his sexuality and mclennon.

PS dont worry, I didn’t take this is spam at all!! And also, I would never block someone just for disagreeing with me! I enjoy discussion and I think its good to engage with people who disagree with you! To be honest, id only block someone if they were purposely being a real arsehole <3

#mclennon #discussion

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transexualpirate · 1 year ago

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so, unfortunately, this got super long because halfway through i started talking about why afab only spaces or cis women only spaces doesn't make sense to me personally and completely missed the original point of the post, my bad. anyways, you can read my opinion on it if you want, but im not going to continue replying either way so it's up to you. it's under the cut because i dont want to subject my poor mutuals to long discourse posts like these lol

sharing their experiences of sexual assault, or the precautions they've taken in life to avoid risking being sexually assaulted. These women bring up JKR's experience because they can relate, usually. I don't see how that's gross and disgusting.

that's not something i see happen very often - not doubting it happens, im sure it does, but it's not nearly as common. i have, before, faced the idea that jkr's fight for afab exclusive spaces and the methods she's used to back up that fight can be fully explained by this one terrible experience she opened up about. which is something that's hard to discuss without seemingly trivializing the awful thing that was done to her - matter of fact, id argue it's already trivializing (dont know if that's the exact word im looking for, sorry, google translate isn't being very helpful, but i hope what im saying is still understandable) it when someone else, a third party that doesn't even know jkr personally, brings it up as an argument in of itself.

again, it truly feels like way too many people believe that somehow mentioning something awful immediately gives you the moral high ground and makes your words matter more than someone else's. when it's not the person themselves talking about their experience, i honestly believe it diminishes the meaning of what happened and turns it into little more than a "gotcha" moment attempt. (im sure it's happened, but ive never personally encountered someone else who brought it up because they related to it. it's usually, unfortunately, because they've run out of arguments.)

the idea that a cis woman's past experience with an amab person, whether that's a man or a woman or whatever else in between, somehow proves that afab exclusive spaces are necessary, is very confusing to me. say that a cis woman that's been assaulted by another cis woman who, i don't know, is a redhead, for example, comes up to one of those shelters. there aren't a lot of redheads in the world, comparatively. what if that woman comes to one of those shelters and demands that no redhead is let in. wouldn't that be... confusing? im not arguing that this woman would have to come face to face with redheads and get over her trauma immediately, because that's stupid and not how the brain works. so perhaps something can be arranged inside the shelter so that, if there are any redheads present, this woman would come in contact with them the least possible, i don't know. that seems reasonable, no? in any way, whatever's arranged, doesn't fully excluding redheads from shelters seem stupid? it does to me, but maybe that's just me.

and i, personally, don't see how it's unacceptable to do that with redheads, but acceptable to do it with trans women.

back to my redhead analogy, you might be about to argue, right now, that it's not the same thing because of one thing and one thing only, a term that's thrown around in tumblr so much that it's lost it's meaning: "male on female violence". you might be about to say "there's no statistic for crimes committed by redheads on people with other hair colors, while there are countless statistics for crimes committed by men on women". and, yeah. you're absolutely right. male on female violence is an awful, awful problem that our society has faced since, like, forever, and it's still a major issue. however. and this is where i say that i cannot convince you and you cannot convince me. trans women are not males. that's my opinion, backed up by countless researches and studies, and that is why i strongly believe that trans women deserve to be in women's shelters as much as any other woman. they might sometimes look typically masculine, but they're not men. and therefore, excluding them from spaces that were designed for women based only on the fact that you personally don't see them as women, seems stupid and evil because it could (and probably already has) harmed a lot of people. like ive said before, these women don't really have anywhere else to go. if you exclude them from the spaces that were supposedly built to ensure their safety, even if the reason why you're doing it is noble and makes sense (like trying to make it harder for some cis women to be triggered), you're still making it much, much harder for them to get the help they need and deserve. and, back to the original subject, bringing a third person's trauma into it as shock value and a way to back up an argument... i don't like that.

the fact is that trans people make a very small portion of society, trans women even smaller. so the chances that a trans woman is forced to be in a woman's shelter is only relatively high because the statistics of trans women being victims of sexual crimes are abhorrently high.

even so, the chances of a trans woman staying long term in a woman's shelter is very small, comparatively. and creating trans exclusive shelters isn't a viable option because of how small of a population we actually represent: the amount of resources needed for something like this, in any government that i know of, wouldn't be seen as "worth it". it would have to be private funded, which. we all know how that goes. the only private funded shelters i personally know of that have actually worked is jkr's cis women's only shelter.

Most genuine feminists have never argued for trans women to be put in danger, whether it be in places with lower risks (such as public bathrooms) or those places with higher risks (like prisons). What women have asked for is the preservation of female exclusive spaces, which is entirely different than militating for no trans inclusive spaces. You mention shelters: most women requiring those shelters are deeply traumatised by men, and need time to process that trauma away from triggers. Your triggering effect on these women is not a moral failure on their part, no matter how much it hurts. Women have earned, fought for, the right to refuse male involvement in their lives, which were controlled by men for centuries pretty much every place and time on Earth, and continue to be to an extent. And, in the UK at least, that right is still protected by law.

so, in summary, trans only shelters aren't viable, so cis only shelters are weird and sad, but that's an entirely new discussion, and the original point was the fact that past bad experiences that a third party suffered are quite often used as an argument in itself (i.e: jkr's abusive marriage), and that, in my opinion, trivializes something like that. im sure it's sometimes brought up because of women who relate to it, but it's not the majority of situations. bringing it up in debates feels wrong because it's usually in a "gotcha" moment attempt, and that's gross. it's different when it's jkr herself talking about it. when it's someone else that doesn't even know her and only wants to use it as a way to win an argument... well.

What i find gross and disgusting is the way the Sun (or was it the Daily Mail) published a picture of her ex-husband with the caption "yeah i slapped JK Rowling" the day after she had published her essay, in which she explains her reasons for not adhering to self-identification policies.

i just want to make it as clear as possible that, for the record, yes, if it happened as you say that is (obviously) fucking disgusting (though i have no idea what the sun or the daily mail are, american or british newspapers im assuming?) and gross and cruel, and i wouldn't have done that. just for the record, so you know where i stand on this. but this also feels very tangencial to the original point. anyways.

im thankful either way that you realize that things are still, for now, going your way (in most places, the law is in "your" favour) but im gonna stop replying regardless. i dont see the point of long discourses like these because in my experience it only escalates until it gets dangerous. i cant convince you, you cant convince me, ill always believe trans women are women and you... probably won't. so. it is what it is. i don't have the patience for this, honestly.

i will say that i think it's gross and somewhat cruel that people feel so entitled to discuss jkr's past sexual assault. i know she's talked about it openly but still. both terfs and anti terfs way too often talk about how she's either entitled to act like this because she's traumatized or go in detail about why they assume her trauma causes her this way but none of us are her therapists. we don't know shit bro. so what if you think her hyper vigilance of trans people comes from trauma? this is meaningless to the discussion. it changes nothing in any way. it doesn't give her a pass or make her look worse. it's ultimately unimportant. why are you bringing it up at all?

#mine #tw #cw discourse #discourse #jkr #terf #terfs #discoursing #trans rights #long post #sorry moots

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brelione · 4 years ago

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Toxic PT 2 (Rafe Cameron X Reader)

Request:plz make a part 2 to toxic!!!!

Pt 1

Warnings:Smut,unhealthy relationships.

He had stayed awake for hours that night.He had tried calling you at least 20 times only for you to block his number.He had decided that enough was enough, getting dressed in actual clothes before quietly leaving his house and starting his drive to yours.

He hadnt been to your house in two weeks, you had claimed that it was too messy and that you didnt really want him to be there.He pulled into your driveway,seeing the red lights on through your window.

He had no idea why you liked the red lights so much but he figured you just had them because you could.He remembered the first time he had been over your house.

It had been a ‘date’.You two sat on your bed, scrolling through netflix.Your room was lit with the red led lights that were sticking to your wall, the remote not too far away. “Wait,wait...wait, hold on.Can I change the color?”He had asked, giggling like a child when you said yes.He had pressed all the buttons, making purple and blue before settling on a cotton candy pink. “Are you done?”You had asked, laughing at how excited he had been over colored lights.He nodded, finally handing you the remote back.

He got out of his truck,trying his best not to slam the door.He knew that your parents had gone to the mainland for the weekend.He reached under one of your plants to find the spare key,opening your door.

You had told him where it was in case of emergencies.You were his go to person whenever he got into an argument with Ward and didnt want to be at his house for a moment longer, instead driving to your house for a kiss, a hug and sex.

He licked his lips nervously, sighing before making his way upstairs and into your room, opening the door.It felt like it had been forever since he had sat on your bed with your body resting against him, his arms around your waist.

It had been long since you guys had even had a nice little moment like that, cuddling and innocent kisses.He loved sex but he still missed those little joys of the relationship.His eyes widened at what he saw.

You were on your bad in just your bra and underwear, the red light making your room look like the pits of hell.You turned to look at Rafe,sitting up and glaring at him.

“What the fuck are you doing here?I blocked you for a reason, get the fuck out!”You shouted at him.Of course you were mad at him.It wasnt really mad about him cheating, you were more mad about who he had cheated on you with.Anyone else you could understand but you couldnt understand Ellie.

Even if he was high or drunk or whatever excuse he had.She was a total bitch.You didnt even consider Rafe your boyfriend, you had considered him more of a friend with benefits since you guys had began to drift emotionally.

He gulped,feeling himself beginning to shake. “I just-i want-want to fix things.”He mumbled, taking in a deep breath. “Yeah?You should’ve thought about that before you fucked Ellie.You think I give a shit about you,Rafe?You’re stupider than I thought, youre just my fuck buddy.Now get out of my house before I call the cops.”You glared up at him, watching his eyes fill up with tears.

He shook his head, trying to speak. “No,no you cant-you love me.You do!Have you been lying this whole time?”Tears rolled down his face,trying to breath but forgetting how.You licked your lips, leaning back on the mattress.You knew how this would end, with his cock buried inside of you as he tried to convince you that he actually cared about you.

“Rafe, I dont love anyone.That includes you, okay?Its not my fault that you have a thing for me, thats on you.Its your fault for fucking some other bitch, understand?”You asked, not missing the way that his eyes flicked down to your slightly parted legs.

“But….but you care about me?Dont you?”He asked but it sounded more like a sob.You sighed,shrugging. “Rafe, you know I dont give two shits about anybody.You’re just a good fuck, alright?”You needed him to understand.

You could tell that he was breaking apart right in front of you and it pulled at your heart strings as you watched him cry.You wanted to love him but it just didnt seem possible. “Stop crying, Rafe.”You stood up, wiping the salty tears from his face. “So….so are we done?Are we...we cant...we’re not fucking anymore?”He asked,making you laugh quietly.

“No feelings attached, understand?”You asked.This was probably one of the worst things you had ever done.You were most definitely a toxic person and that was as clear as the water at the private beaches.

He nodded,sniffling a bit before blinking away the tears that were building up in his blue eyes.You stood on your tip toes, kissing him gently.He melted under your touch,his hands touching your waist lightly almost like he was scared he would break you.

He really loved you, he was positive that he did.He just couldnt figure out how to show it.You slowly stepped backwards,bringing him with you as you laid on the bed,your legs wrapping around his waist.You pulled away,leaving kisses and hickeys down his neck.He let out a soft moan, obsessed with the way you felt against his body.

He was obsessed with you in general, the way you made him feel was absolutely insane.His eyes focused on your face, you were now straddling him, the red light hitting your cheekbones beautifully.He didnt know when his shirt was pulled off, your eyes falling down to the hickies that Ellie had left.

“Hmm...she’s not too good at that.”Your finger tips grazed his chest,stopping at every hickey the girl had left.He nodded, agreeing. “You’re so much better...she just wanted to make you mad.”He leaned up for a kiss only for you to push him back down,your hand on his throat.

“I know, seems like she made you more mad though.”You looked over to your door, noticing the small dents the two of you had made.It only took a few more moments for the two of you to be completely naked,Rafe turning the two of you over so he could be in control.

He didnt need to take out anger, he just wanted to be gentle this time.He wanted to make you feel good so he could apologize, wanting to enjoy this with you now in case this was his last time being in your bed.He slid in and out of you slowly, hitting all the spots deep inside of you.He wanted to whisper that he loved you over and over again.

No feelings attached,he remembered,instead just resting his head in the crook of your neck as you tugged at his hair.He was trying not to cry,biting hard on his lip to hold back the tears,pressing his body against yours, clinging onto you like a life line.

“Rafe...Rafe,please….please go faster.”You whimpered,your legs around his waist, trying to urge him to go faster. “Hmm….why should I?”He grinned,looking down at you.You rolled your eyes, gripping his jaw. “Because you love me,dont you?”You asked.He gulped,nodding.

“Then why dont you want me to feel good?Dont you want me to feel good,daddy?”You pouted,grinning when you saw his eyes widen.He was quick to speed up,pulling out so his tip was barely grazing your entrance before slamming in,his eyes rolling back at the scream you let out.

“Fuck, Rafe.”You whimpered,nails scratching red lines into his back. “You’re so tight….you feel so good.”He moaned,nails digging into your hips. “Did Ellie feel this good?”You asked,tugging at his hair so he’d look up at you. “No...never.”He answered, leaning down to kiss you gently.

“I know.”You bit down on his lip,able to tell that he was close. “Im gonna cum.”He was bruising the skin of your thighs but you didnt care. “Hold it.”You told him.He looked surprised, never hearing that from you before. “What?”He asked.

“Hold it.”You repeated,turning him onto his back, fingertips pressing into his throat as you rolled your hips against him. “Please.”He clenched his eyes shut, in physical pain from his need to finish. “Nope, you fucked another girl.You dont deserve it.”You answered, squeezing harder on his throat as you came,getting off of him.

He was angry, staring down at his still hard cock. “But-but what about me?”He asked as you panted,getting your panties back on. “You should’ve thought about that before.You should go, ive got things to do.”You pulled on a pair of short shorts, not bothering to put on a bra as you pulled a thin yellow shirt on.

He had seen the shirt on his floor before, peeling it off of your body and throwing it to the floor.He felt tempted to look through your closet for any of his clothes, any proof that you had once been his.

He had plenty of your stuff, a small stuffed animal, a gold ring that he often wore on his pinkie, sunglasses that you had left at his poolside.He kept your stuff mainly to reassure himself that you were an actual person and that you guys were actually together.He had wondered if you did the same, knowing that you probably didnt but wanted a solid answer anyways.

“What?”He asked,his voice cracking.You sighed,putting your hair into a bun, sliding on your shoes. “You heard me, Rafe.”You replied,handing him his shorts from your floor.He was still shaking as he pulled on his clothes, his hair disheveled and his face red.

“So- so tomorrow?Like, you’ll come over tomorrow and we can do some stuff.”He played with his fingers anxiously, taking in a deep breath. “Okay.”You answered, tying your converse. “Okay...um...will you unblock me?”He asked, tapping his foot on the floor.You shook your head, telling him to leave.

He closed your door, trying not to think too much as he got into his truck, staring up at your window,seeing you leaning your elbows on the window sill,smoking a blunt.

He knew that relationships should never be like this you were as toxic as they come but he just couldnt get enough of you.It really did suck but it was just the way things were and he’d have to learn to accept it, backing out of your driveway.

@sexytholland @28cnn @popcrone818 @fttayla @cherryobx @n1ghtsh4d3-67 @drewstarkeyobx @poguestyleskye @judayyyw @jjtheangel @jj-iz-bae

@sunwardsss @meaganjm @sarcasticsagittarius1998 @natalie-kate-98 @nxsmss @broken-jj @joshy-obx @outerbongs @copper-boom @httpstarkey @teenwaywardasgardian @drewswannabegirl @simonsbluee @jiaraendgame @khiaraaa-in-spacee @on-socks-off @abbiesthings @kindahavefeelingskindaheartless

If you’d like to be tagged in all future JJ imagines/headcannons/series comment with a heart,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Pope imagines/headcannons/series comment with a smiling face,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Rafe imagines/headcannons/series comment with a frowning face,if you’d like to be tagged in all future Kiara imagines/headcannons/series comment with a question mark and if you’d like to be tagged in all future Sarah Cameron imagines/headcannons/series comment with a plus sign.If you’d like to be tagged in all Kelce content coment with a “>” and if youd like to be tagged in all Topper content comment with a “%”.Or if thats too complicated you can just comment whose name you’d like to be tagged in.

#rafe cameron #rafe obx #rafe cameron imagine #rafe x reader #rafe cameron x you #rafe x y/n #outerbanks rafe #rafe fanfiction #drew starkey #outer banks #rafe cameron smut #rafe cameron headcanon #rafe #obx

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creampievampire · 4 years ago

Note

Could you go into the difference between the subtext and queerbaiting in it, I'm still kind of -well it's obviously gay but nothing was really ever said or shown that says that expect for people talking about it- Like are the characters and their relationship just queer-coded (positivly ofc lol) but the baitiness comes from them sort of confirming it off the show?

of course! im assuming by ‘it’ you mean merlin, but rather than explaining the reasons why i think bbc merlin is a matter of subtext (or queer coding) and not queerbaiting, i think it would be easier and more productive to explain the difference between the two in general. they are very similar - which is why i think a lot of people are unable to tell the difference between them - but they have important differences

just a warning, this is going to be a LONG post lmao ive bolded exactly what each term means below, after which i go into more detail on the whole issue. this is something im passionate about so,,, ♥

queerbaiting specifically refers to a marketing technique in which creators hint at but dont actually depict a queer character or relationship. They do this in order to attract a queer audience with the suggestion of a character or relationship they can relate to, while also avoiding alienating their queerphobic audiences

queer coding is the subtextual coding of a character as queer through the use of things like metaphor, allegory, hinting, recognisable traits/stereotypes/experiences, etc. This is done to build believable characters and create more complex plot lines, and it is also regularly used by people who want to tell queer stories but are unable to do so explicitly. it CAN be used negatively to enforce damaging stereotypes, but that is just a small part of its usage

both of these things utilise subtext in order to work. subtext is not only a crucial part of the creation of any piece of media, but is impossible to avoid.

an example of the most basic types of subtext is when a character tells someone that everything is going to be okay, but you can tell they dont believe it. or when youre watching a story unfold and you suddenly connect the dots and realise whats going to happen before its explicitly stated - you used subtext and the hidden meanings and hints to figure it out!

the people involved w a piece of media create their story with a specific purpose or meaning in mind, and they construct the subtext of the story to reflect that purpose/meaning. HOWEVER, the viewers dont always see things the same!

your experiences and personality shape the way you view and interpret every piece of media you consume. if you hate cops youll see the insidious undertones in cop shows - if you grew up with an abusive parent youll see the biting implications in a characters dialogue that others find innocent - if youre queer you will search for and fine queer characters everywhere, regardless of the creators intentions

now, both queerbaiting and queer coding use subtext to function, right? so how do you know which is being used and whether or not its a bad thing? its all about intention

to give a specific explanation of the difference im going to use two examples that are (arguably) very similar in the way their queer characters became canon

example 1: adventure time featured the characters marceline and princess bubblegum, who have been forever depicted as a couple in fan content. their interactions in the show were read into and latched onto bc we saw ourselves in them and we saw it as positive queer rep. but their relationship was never explicitly discussed during the course of the show and was only confirmed at the end of the final episode.

that makes 10 seasons in which their relationship existed only in subtext, and when it did finally exist in canon it was only for a few minutes, if that.

example 2: supernatural featured the characters dean and castiel (lol) who have been depicted as a queer couple pretty much since the first episode cas appeared in. i personally hung on their every interaction, analysed every glance between them, bc i interpreted deans character as a parallel to my own childhood trauma.

cas joined the show in season 4, so that makes 11 seasons in which him being gay existed only in subtext, and when it was confirmed he was immediately cut out of the show. the exact nature of dean and castiels relationship still remains in subtext.

so why is it that adventure time is widely considered perfectly fine but supernatural is dunked on as being the poster boy for queerbaiting?

its bc adventure time involved queer creators and was an earnest representation of queer characters, but they were boxed in by their publisher, Cartoon Network and thus the only way for the relationship to exist in the show was through subtext.

supernatural, however, consistently neglected their queer character and employed transparent tropes and stereotypes - bringing him in just sparingly enough to keep queer audiences interested while never being gay enough to alienate their macho manly man queerphobe audiences. they would have dean and cas stare into each other eyes for a full 30 seconds and then almost immediately follow it up with an episode about dean banging a disposable female character.

so imho adventure time falls under queer subtext, and supernatural falls under queerbaiting

when it comes to a show like bbc merlin i see a lot of debate about whether or not its queer coding or queerbaiting, and my intention is not to convince you of either. merlin was very much a product of its time, and i have argued the same about seasons 4-6 of supernatural as well, before the queerbaiting escalated and became exhausting to me

the purpose of this post is to start giving you the information you need to analyse any piece of media and come to your OWN opinion as to whether or not its queerbaiting or whatever else

people will ALWAYS have differing opinions about this shit yall. i have debated so many times w so many people about where the line is and whats okay and what should be ‘cancelled’ and if consuming something deemed problematic makes you a bad person or not

and my conclusion?

if youre capable of acknowledging the flaws and issues w a piece of media without trying to defend it as a shining beacon of purity simply bc you like it, then you do you. enjoy whatever you want to enjoy - if i think its reprehensible i simply will never interact with you lol

at some point everyone has to stop regurgitating these generic woke speak cancel culture speeches and buzzwords and formulate their own opinions

my advice to anyone reading this is to learn how to do close reading (ill provide a link to a wonderful short guide on it in a reblog bc tumblr hates links) and start really considering where you draw the lines with all types of content. decide for yourself whether merlin or supernatural or adventure time crosses the line into content you cant stomach, but respect other people whose interpretations differ from yours

i know a HUGE amount of people think supernaturals confession scene was homophobic and toxic - a slap in the face - but when i watched it i saw myself reflected in dean. a repressed bisexual whose emotions had been stunted by lifelong trauma, who wasnt ready to face his feelings for cas but quickly realising that his chronic avoidance and fear was about to tear them apart possibly forever. to me it was tragic and beautiful, and i loved it

i also think merlin is a tragic and beautiful love story, and to me its a pivotal piece of queer media that changed the way i viewed love and made me believe that it was a possibility for me bc i related so deeply to arthur

i hope that you can draw a satisfying answer from this, anon, and i apologise for this post being a full essay lol but i believe it needed to be said - i dont think there is a right or wrong answer here

#long post #bbc merlin #merlin #supernatural #adventure time #subtext #queerbaiting #queer coding #frog talks #anon #ask

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desireatmidnight · 3 years ago

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Setting Realistic Goals for your own self-sabotaging Brain

yes, I am starting my first original post like this. yes I know it is kinda cliche for someone to talk about setting goals but this is gonna be different!

Just for some background, Ive been keeping a bullet-journal for at least 4 years. I have never since successfully used a monthly spread in a way that felt like I had actually used it. I am a college student now, so I have allot more things on my plate and a whole lot more free-time interspersed between them. I also have tried out a whole bunch of different spreads. All of them have mostly failed to be really used in a way that mattered. Either I forgot about the spread entirely whenever I got too stressed out, or I never gave myself the right tools to use on the spread for fixing those stresses

So instead of just thinking about what was going wrong and looking for a different spread to try and magically solve my problems; I decided to actually write down what those problems were. Took on of my one of a million copies blue Bic pens that I got as a present ( IE. a disposable non fancy pen) and a scrap piece of paper and started dumping all the reasons I couldn't use it.

Looking through those reasons I could then pinpoint the root cause to my problems, the thing that killed my spreads as soon as I finished making them.

Outside of events scheduled in the future, I had no real reason to use the spread or check it.

See, all of my habit trackers migrated in my weekly spreads around year two of having a bullet journal. I’ve been stuck in a sort of ‘ survive this week’ mode for a long time, so everything I do revolves around my weekly spreads. It was just natural to only track my small habits, like eating twice a day, on my weekly. But that just meant there was nothing left for my monthly spreads. Re-tracking my small habits did nothing for me on a long scale.

So it made me look into how to make this monthly spread more accessible for me, and if it couldn't become accessible, what would replace it’s space and limited functionality.

This is where I go into the meat of why I am making this post, goal tracking is one of the perfect things to track on a monthly spread. Problem being, I have a really hard time setting attainable, do-able goals that work with me versus against me.

So how do I set those goals? By tossing almost everything everyone else had to say about setting goals. Smart random acronyms don't help me identify what goals i need, what does help? Looking for the laughably, smallest achievements I could do in a single day.

Read 5 pages, only 5 pages, a day. Write 200 words a day of anything at all, keep a duolingo streak through the lowest possible daily goal setting.

because guess what, if you do that. If you manage to laugh your way through those 5 pages of whatever book, it doesn't matter what book. those 200 words, even if it is all pre-planning for future writing or just dialogue-outlining? just keeping up with your duolingo streak by doing one lesson a day?

You’ll have read 150-155 pages, written 6000 words, and completed 30-31 lessons in just a month.

None of these tiny goals are difficult to muster. The worst for me is the 200 words. 5 pages is a 10-20 minute task you can do while eating a meal, a duolingo streak you can do walking down the sidewalk between classes.

Easy achievements every day are your bread and butter.

From there you can work outwards, breaking larger chunks of what you want to do into the most insignificant steps possible. Even if that step is “ I got out of bed today” That is still an accomplishment, and achievement, something you have done to make your next step.

Work with yourself, not against. And if something doesnt work, dont get upset, just look at why.

Were you too busy to write 200 words a day? Try 50. Try 25.

#storytellingwithVero #longpost #I just did this strategy and I can tell you it has been the first time I felt acomplished withmyself at all #I will be adding a #follow up post about how this helped me utilize my monthly spread for october more in November.#I am very much a self-saboteur when it comes to the good things in life #No one really gave me advice like this #making things too complicated means im more likely to think I cant do that #SO instead of working against my goblin brain I am going to work with it #I may not be able to write 2000 words a day #but i can write 200 #and oh look at that Ive written 4 pages to a draft ive been working on slowly for years #Possesses an entire small library shelf of interesting old books #never reads them because it feels like too much effort to get comfy to read for long periods of time?#No comfy #only sit and pick one and read 5 pages at a time #and whoops I have read about 2 chapters #Trick yourself into achieving your goals #theres no need to force yourself into neurotypical goal-strategies when your brain dont work like that.

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romanosgirl1978 · 4 years ago

Text

Taking Over Me IV

Sooo.... I have no idea where this is going lol. I saw that @pascalslittlebrat wasn’t having a good day and wanted to finish this part. I hope this helps a little love.

Please comment and let me know which you would rather see. Date night with Alex or working late with Max???

Words- 1211

Warnings- slight self-depreciation, cursing, no Max in this one tho

Summary- You call Alex and Jennette offers her expertise.

Part I Part II Part III Part IV

Your jaw drops and before you can argue he’s out the door and already talking to another employee.

“Shit. What did I just do?”

Jennette doubles over, no longer able to contain her laughter and you turn on her.

“You,” you hiss, narrowing your eyes at her. “Glad I have a friend at work that has my back and gets me out of awkwards situations with my boss.”

She laughs harder and, after a few moments, sits back up.

Wiping a few tears away, she finally looks at you and chuckles again. “I’m not even sorry. That is hilarious.”

“No. It’s not. It’s awful. It’s date night,” you groan. “Well, it was.”

Jennette rolls her eyes. “You can just tell Max that you can’t work tonight, I’m sure he’d let you go.”

You chew on your lip, ‘I’m not too sure about that.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well…”

She studies you for a moment. “Did something happen?”

“He may have cornered me in the elevator that day I had to drop off the reports.”

“Define cornered?”

You get up and close the office door before leaning against her desk. “I mean, he came by after you left and thanked me for the reports. He asked to walk me out and there wasn’t a good reason to say no.”

“Fair enough. Was it awkward?”

“A little. He asked me about my dreams and it threw me off, then he changed it to goals so I told him about looking for a house with Alex.”

“Nice, throwing in the relationship.”

You scoff, “I’m not done yet. He told me that he was happy for me, but the way he said it… I don’t think he was talking about moving from an apartment to a house…” you trail off, trying to think of a way to explain it.

Jennette waits for a few moments before she gasps. “Wait, you said when you dropped off the reports? Wasn’t that the same day you told me about the dreams you had of him?”

“Y-yeah… wait… yo-you don’t think…” the realization washes over you and, glad to have the desk behind you, your legs give out. “No,” you whine. “No, no, no.”

“Shit, so what happened next? Now, I have to know.”

You run your fingers through your hair. “Fuck.”

She swats your leg, “C'mon, tell me what happened? Did he try to kiss you? Details woman, details.”

“Shit… that… that actually makes sense. He was talking about something exciting turning into something mediocre. And ‘good for me for wanting something bigger and better.’”

“Now we’re at the elevator?” She questions, not able to hold back her grin.

You sigh and nod. “It opens, I get in and he just stands there for a second, then he walks towards me. I back up and when I hit the wall he grabs my hips and…” you pause and take a deep breath. “He leans in like he’s gonna kiss my neck but he just trails up my neck and says how lucky Alex is.”

Her jaw drops and she just stares at you.

“Then he pulls back and looks at me and…”

“And?”

“I wanted to kiss him, Jen. If the elevator wouldn’t have dinged I think I might have. It was like whatever influence I was under broke. I could barely stand from the strain of not kissing him. It was crazy.”

“Damn.” Her eyes are wide as she looks at you, trying to come up with something, anything, else to say. “I-I dont… wow…”

You grimace, “Yeah. So when I could use my legs again, I walked out and told him I was in a happy relationship and didn’t wanna end it. He made some smart ass comment about people finding out there was something going on between us, I said no and walked out.”

She nods absentmindedly. "And now you’re working late with him tonight. Just the two of you. Alone. In an empty office. Yeah you have fun with that."

"As if the dreams about the elevator weren’t bad enough. Now it’s gonna be dreaming about getting it on in his office."

When she laughs you send a glare her way and she holds her hands up in defense. "Hey, I’m not the one sexually frustrating you."

"C’mon. Help me. What am I supposed to do?"

"Uh, fake your death and flee the continent under a new name with a fake Italian passport you bought off of some guy in an alley behind a taco cart."

You roll your eyes and push off her desk. "Gee thanks for that enlightening piece of advice. All my problems will be solved if I do that,” you retort.

She shrugs, "I mean they would be. Max and Alex would think you were dead, you’d never have to confront either of them. You get out of this hell hole. Sounds like a good plan to me."

At lunch you call Alex, still not sure how you wanted to explain this.

“Hello?”

“Hey babe. How’s work going?”

“Pretty good so far. I’m ready to leave though, looking forward to date night.”

You bite your lip, sighing. “About that..”

“What? C’mon, (Y/N), I thought we were gonna go see that movie.”

“I know, I know. But my boss asked me to look over the expense reports after work.”

They sigh. “Do you want me to see if I can find a later showing?”

“I don’t know how long it will take, but you can still check. I’ll call you when I’m done, okay?”

“Okay. Does that mean I’m on my own for dinner too?” they laugh humorlessly.

“Possibly. If I get out within 2 hours I can pick something up. I’ll let you know.”

“That’s fine, I guess.”

Your heart aches at their response, maybe you should just tell Max no. “I’m sorry. I love you.”

“Work is work, baby,” they relent. “I can’t say I don’t understand. Was just excited for tonight. You seem distracted lately and I was hoping we’d have a nice night together. I love you too. Gotta go.”

They end the call and you’re left speechless, vision blurring with unshed tears.

You were an awful girlfriend.

Quickly, you reach up and wipe the tears away. You still had to get through the rest of the day.

Nothing was going to happen with Max.

The two of you were going to finish everything quickly and you’d get out in enough time to go to the movies. And when you and Alex got home you were going to show them exactly how much you loved them.

Yes that is exactly what you were going to do.

“So how’d they take it?” Jennette asks when you flop down into your chair.

“Disappointed. They were really looking forward to the movie. And apparently I’ve been more distracted that I thought,” you groan.

“Look, normally I wouldn’t offer this, but I love you and Alex is right, this has been distracting you.” She waits until you look over at her before continuing. “So, if you want, I’ll can Max you got sick and had to go home. That way you can keep date night and get Max out of your mind.”

You blink at her a few times. “Jennette...”

___

@fan-grell-411

#max phillips #Max Phillips x reader #x reader #max x reader #bloodsucking bastards #bloodsucking bastards x reader

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likelightningafterthethunder · 4 years ago

Text

Like Lightning After the Thunder: Chapter One: Damned Smile

Fic Summary:

His breath wavered as he stared into Katsuki’s eyes. He knew he could get out if he tried. He could knock Katsuki out, hope that no one else would find them, and run back into the shadows where he belonged. Katsuki may have had him pinned down but he was in Denki’s range now and it would take little effort to send a charge through Katsuki to paralyze him temporarily.

It would take barely any additional effort to kill Katsuki.

As the sparks began to charge, lighting up the air around him, Katsuki refused to back down.

–

Katsuki always knew he was destined for great things.

He didn’t think he’d have to turn his back on all he’s ever known to get there.

Rating: T

Warnings: Eventual major character death, implied/referenced child abuse, psychological trauma

Other Tags: Bakugou Katsuki/Kaminari Denki, slow burn, alternate universe - canon divergence

Read on Ao3 (links to corresponding chapter) or read below

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter | Fic navigation to read the fic on tumblr

Even years later, that damn smile haunted his dreams.

There was absolutely no reason for him to still think about the event. Everything had been taken care of when it had happened― injuries were treated, authorities alerted, information secured, and a press conference to tie it all up in a big red bow. There were no loose ends, no surprise second coming, no physical reminders of what happened lingering in his daily life. Katsuki would have labeled it as done, dealt with, and no longer relevant, shoving it aside in his memory so he could focus on actual important shit.

Except his mind had different plans.

When he was lucky, he could completely forget about the event for months. Other times, his dreams would be filled with nothing but that damn smile, taunting him with its silence. He could usually predict when the dreams would come― the anniversary of the event for example― but other times, it seemed like anything could trigger the memory. He once saw a bright yellow balloon and for the rest of the day, every time he closed his eyes he saw that damned smile, never wavering despite the curses and insults Katsuki spewed.

He wanted to forget it. He wanted so desperately to forget it. For the image to erase itself from his mind, for it to take the feelings away with it. He could deal with the anger, he could always deal with the anger, but when his memory reminded him of the wave of hurt and betrayal that nearly blinded him…

When his alarm jolted him from his sleep and freed him from the smile, he couldn’t get out of bed fast enough. He woke up drenched in a cold sweat, sheets singed and smoking lightly as he unclenched his hands, and Katsuki was, for once, very relieved that not all of his sweat was explosive. He slapped the singes a few times to ensure that all of the embers were put out before heading for the bathroom, cursing under his breath as he flinched at his own reflection in the mirror.

There was nothing particularly wrong with his appearance, if you didn’t count the dark circles under his eyes from a fitful night’s sleep or his clammy skin, but after being plagued by the smile, Katsuki could barely look at himself. His reaction to the smile made him feel weak, like he couldn’t handle himself and that there was something wrong with him. It was just a smile after all. There was no reason for him to react to it like a nightmare, no reason for him to lose sleep over it or to feel overwhelmed by emotions at the thought of it.

Yet when he saw the smile and saw how the corners of his mouth were tugged a bit too tight, how his eyes were open a bit too wide, how the only shine in his eyes were the reflections of light on tears that refused to fall…

Katsuki cursed.

The icy cold shower did little to help distract him from the memory, nor did his morning run nor the steaming shower he took after. He wasn’t supposed to head into the agency today, so he didn’t have any planned beatdowns for today, and yes he probably shouldn’t be hoping for it, but part of him hoped for a sudden emergency villain so he could distract himself by focusing on beating some villain’s ass into next week.

A few hours later when his phone refused to stop buzzing, Katsuki wondered if throwing his phone across the room until it stopped would be close enough to beating villain ass to work. He reluctantly decided that talking to people so they’d leave him alone was probably less hassle to deal with than having to replace his phone and distribute his new number (even if it would give him an excuse to ghost some of these damn extras).

A few individual texts and a group text were the cause of the buzzing. As the group text’s new message count continued to rise, he figured it would be easier to respond to the individual texts first. Just in case he changed his mind about destroying the phone.

Four Eyes (Rocket Legs): Hello Bakugou, this is a reminder about the upcoming Class A reunion. As the head of the reunion committee, it is my duty to ensure an accurate headcount for the event, and I have yet to receive your response about your attendance. Please ensure to respond via the following link by this Friday at 11:59PM. [Class A 10 Year Reunion RSVP]

Four Eyes (Rocket Legs): In case you missed the previous messages regarding the reunion, the event is March 28th starting at 7PM at the Shinjuku Hotel in Musutafu. If you need to rent a room for the night or the weekend, please alert the Shinjuku Hotel staff that you are part of the Class A reunion party by next Wednesday for an event discount.

Katsuki frowned. He wasn’t exactly looking forward to the possibility of being surrounded by all of his former classmates and even less at the idea of being socially obligated to spend the entire evening with them. At least when he met up with his friends elsewhere, he could always claim needing to leave early so he could make the last train or that work needed him to come in early the next day.

He closed out of the conversation, figuring he still had a few more days to decide if he really wanted to deal with his classmates for an entire evening.

Midoriya: Hey Katsugou! I was wondering if you’re going to go to the reunion? Tenya said the deadline to RSVP is coming soon and we haven’t heard from you, so I just thought I’d check in!

Katsuki: The fuck is Katsugou?

Midoriya: Oh sorry!! Typo!!

Midoriya: Anyway, are you coming?

Katsuki closed out of the conversation and moved on to the next one.

Shitty Hair: Katsuki! Are you coming to the reunion or not dude????

Katsuki: Fuck off.

Shitty Hair: Aww dude that’s no way to talk to your best friend, you know you love me!!

Katsuki: I’m blocking you.

He did not, in fact, block him. But he did close out of Eijirou’s texts.

Save for the newest text sent directly from Eijirou, all that was left was the backlog of texts in the group text. It had kept going off while he was reading the other conversations, so Katsuki figured it meant that everyone was either off for the day or on their lunch break.

Raccoon Eyes: guys!!!!! the reunion is COMING UPPPPPP!!!!

Raccoon Eyes: i cant wait to s

Raccoon Eyes: ee all of u guys again!!

Tape Face: lmao you saw us last week

Raccoon Eyes: yes

Raccoon Eyes: an eteRNITY ago

Raccoon Eyes: and like

Raccoon Eyes: kats left early so we didnt have everyone

Raccoon Eyes: so it doesnt count

Shitty Hair: Yeah Katsuki don’t leave early next time!!

Raccoon Eyes: we just have to hold him hostage next time

Raccoon Eyes: or like

Raccoon Eyes: AMBUSH him

Tape Face: i can always tape him up

Raccoon Eyes: YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEES

Raccoon Eyes: tape him to the wall

Raccoon Eyes: and then like

Raccoon Eyes: steal his wallet

Raccoon Eyes: cant get on transit w no moneys

Raccoon Eyes: ei and han hold him down

Raccoon Eyes: i run to hide his wallet where he cant fi

Raccoon Eyes: nd it

Raccoon Eyes: probs keeps kats tapped to the wall all night

Raccoon Eyes: free up his arms so he can have a drink????

Tape Face: explosion palms dude

Raccoon Eyes: oh u right

Raccoon Eyes: he can just have a cup w like

Raccoon Eyes: a REALLY REALLY long straw

Raccoon Eyes: make sure u tape him up w his hands behind his back

Tape Face: you got it

Shitty Hair: He’s in this chat guys he’s going to see the plan

Raccoon Eyes: whatevs we can still totally blindside him

Raccoon Eyes: ANYWAYS

Raccoon Eyes: ure all going right?????

Tape Face: ya I rsvpd a while back

Shitty Hair: Yep!! Wouldn’t miss it for the world!

Raccoon Eyes: what about u kats

Raccoon Eyes: kats???

Raccoon Eyes: KAAAAAAAAAAAAATS

Raccoon Eyes: k

Raccoon Eyes: a

Shitty Hair: I’ll text him separately

Raccoon Eyes: t

Tape Face: he probably has this muted lmao

Raccoon Eyes: s

Raccoon Eyes: !!!!!!

Raccoon Eyes: how dare u ignore us

Raccoon Eyes: after everything weve done for u!!!!

Raccoon Eyes: thought we were ur ride or die hoes

Raccoon Eyes: dont tell me ur not going!!!!!

Raccoon Eyes: im so offended

Raccoon Eyes: how could u do this to us kats

Shitty Hair: Maybe he’s at work today?

Raccoon Eyes: boo

Raccoon Eyes: how dare he prioritize wo

Raccoon Eyes: rk over us

Raccoon Eyes: his best friends

Raccoon Eyes: the suns of his life

Raccoon Eyes: the bit of happiness in the cold

Raccoon Eyes: cold

Tape Face: coooooooooold

Raccoon Eyes: COOOOOOOOLD

Raccoon Eyes: thing he calls a heart

Shitty Hair: Lmao

Tape Face: its got a bit of warmth

Tape Face: most of it is his temper

Raccoon Eyes: boom boom POW

Raccoon Eyes: well while we wait for kats

Raccoon Eyes: help me pick some photos for the slideshow!!

Tape Face: are you doing only UA pics or some stuff since then

Tape Face: somehow iida managed to not specify lmao

Shitty Hair: The info email was like ten pages, how did he miss it

Tape Face: idk

Raccoon Eyes: ive got plenty for both!!

Raccoon Eyes: momo said pref UA pics but some new stuff is good too

Raccoon Eyes: show how far weve come n all that

Tape Face: oh cool let me get some opinions then too

Shitty Hair: Anyone have any pics of the camping trip from second year?

Raccoon Eyes: before or after todoroki and kats’ fight turned it into a icy hot springs

Shitty Hair: Both lmao but probably before it went to hell

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: ofc ive got us chillin in the springs

Raccoon Eyes: well most of us

Raccoon Eyes: kats u never get in the water w us :C

Raccoon Eyes: lets go to the beach next time!!

Tape Face: hed prob boil the water w you in it if you dragged him in lmao

Tape Face: spicy acid time

Raccoon Eyes: id like to see him TRY

Shitty Hair: Don’t tempt him lmao

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: i got like a shit ton more

Raccoon Eyes: should i send some of THE FIGHT

Shitty Hair: Maybe not

Tape Face: yes

Tape Face: well

Tape Face: depends on how many pissed off katsuki pics youre putting in lmao

Raccoon Eyes: OH

Raccoon Eyes: OHHHH

Raccoon Eyes: OHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Tape Face: ?

Raccoon Eyes: dude

Raccoon Eyes: do u have the POMERANIAN pic

Tape Face: o shit

Tape Face: image.png

Shitty Hair: I still think Katsuki should’ve taken that pup home

Shitty Hair: They’re matching!

Tape Face: image.png

Tape Face: i also have this one

Tape Face: when she tried to bite his nose off lmao

Raccoon Eyes: kats couldve named her king explosion murder

Raccoon Eyes: or just murder

Raccoon Eyes: p sure she wouldve tried to murder kats at least o

Raccoon Eyes: nce

Tape Face: lmao she basically tried when he found her

Shitty Hair: Maybe it’s for the best that he didn’t keep the pup

Tape Face: look what i found

Tape Face: image.png

Raccoon Eyes: AWWWW YES

Raccoon Eyes: LOOK AT USSSSS

Raccoon Eyes: we look FABBBB

Shitty Hair: Is that from the dance?

Tape Face: ye

Raccoon Eyes: guys what if we recreate that pic at the reunion

Raccoon Eyes: the fits?

Raccoon Eyes: immaculate

Raccoon Eyes: the pose?

Raccoon Eyes: perfection

Tape Face: hotel?

Tape Face: trivago

Shitty Hair: I’m down for recreating some pics!

Raccoon Eyes: yessssss

Raccoon Eyes: u have no choice either kats u gotta do it

Raccoon Eyes: wherever u are

Shitty Hair: Oh he replied!!

Raccoon Eyes: SWEET

Raccoon Eyes: what he say

Shitty Hair: He said fuck off

Tape Face: as expected

Shitty Hair: Lmao he threatened to block me again

Tape Face: thought he said he was blocking you last week

Shitty Hair: Yea exactly

Raccoon Eyes: HOW RUDE

Raccoon Eyes: as punishment for not paying attention to us

Raccoon Eyes: im gonna send this

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Tape Face: LMAO whend you make that

Shitty Hair: Is that Katsuki with a cat face and ears

Shitty Hair: Dude I don’t know if he’s going to kill you for that or for the pink hair first lmao

Raccoon Eyes: lmao made it just now

Raccoon Eyes: well MAYBE if he ANSWERED us

Katsuki: Delete it.

Tape Face: O SHIT

Tape Face: you summoned him

Raccoon Eyes: NO I WILL NOT

Katsuki: Delete it Raccoon Eyes or else I’m coming for you.

Tape Face: are you coming for the left shoes and shittin in them

Raccoon Eyes: NOOOOOOO not my shoes!!!!!!!!

Tape Face: its just the left shoes tho

Raccoon Eyes: BUT THATS MY FAVE SIDE

Katsuki: What the fuck are you two going on about?

Raccoon Eyes: DONT COME FOR M

Raccoon Eyes: Y LEFT SHOES KATS IM SORRY

Katsuki: I’m not coming for your fucking left shoes. Or any of your shoes.

Katsuki: I will be coming for you if you don’t delete that picture, though.

Raccoon Eyes: FORGIVENESS

Raccoon Eyes: I BEG

Raccoon Eyes: PLSSSSS

Katsuki: Delete the picture.

Raccoon Eyes: ugh fiiiiiiiiiine

Raccoon Eyes: its deleted

Raccoon Eyes: i wont send it to momo for the slide show

Katsuki: Good.

Raccoon Eyes: IF U COME TO THE REUNION

Katsuki: Fuck off.

Shitty Hair: C’mon Katsuki!! It’ll be fun!!

Tape Face: ya it wouldnt do if we didnt have our exploding star

Raccoon Eyes: ill send momo WORSE if u dont come

Raccoon Eyes: nd u wont know WHAT til AFTER

Raccoon Eyes: so PLSSSSSSSSSS

Raccoon Eyes: PRETTY PLSSSSSSS

Raccoon Eyes: PLS COME TO THE REUNION

Raccoon Eyes: ill spam u a lot worse if u dont show us proof of rsvp

Raccoon Eyes: pls kaaaaaaaaats

Raccoon Eyes: kaaaaaaaaats

Raccoon Eyes: k

Raccoon Eyes: a

Katsuki: Ugh fucking fine, I’ll do the RSVP now then.

Raccoon Eyes: t

Raccoon Eyes: YAY

Four Eyes (Rocket Legs): Good afternoon, Bakugou! I just wanted to confirm with you that I have received your RSVP for the Class A reunion. As a reminder, if you need to rent a room for the night or the weekend, please alert the Shinjuku Hotel staff that you are part of the Class A reunion party by next Wednesday for an event discount.

Katsuki: image.png

Katsuki: Four Eyes is watching the RSVP form like a fucking hawk apparently.

Raccoon Eyes: YAAAAAY URE RSVPD!!!

Shitty Hair: You know him, always dedicated to his work

Tape Face: sweet

Raccoon Eyes: are u guys getting rooms

Tape Face: yea musutafus too far for a round trip

Tape Face: esp since itll prob end late

Shitty Hair: I got one for the weekend!

Tape Face: wbu mina

Raccoon Eyes: booked a room already!!

Raccoon Eyes: kaaaaats wbu

Raccoon Eyes: u should

Raccoon Eyes: we could have a brunch or lunch or s/t thats just us

Raccoon Eyes: plsssssss kats

Katsuki: I’ll think about it.

Tape Face: better than a no lmao

Shitty Hair: If they run out of space or if you decide last second, you can room with me dude

Raccoon Eyes: awww why not a yes

Katsuki: I haven’t asked the other Four Eyes for the time off yet.

Tape Face: is this four eyes no4 or no15

Raccoon Eyes: four eyes no69

Raccoon Eyes: no wait

Raccoon Eyes: no420

Tape Face: haha blaze it

Raccoon Eyes: BLAZE IT

Shitty Hair: It’s number 7

Katsuki: Fuck you, I don’t have that many Four Eyes saved in my phone.

Shitty Hair: I’d be surprised if you had 420 contacts period dude

Raccoon Eyes: would b hilarious tho

Katsuki: Yes, it’s Four Eyes number 7.

Shitty Hair: I was right!!

Katsuki: Why would I ask any of the other Four Eyes for time off? They’re not my fucking bosses.

Tape Face: dunno

Raccoon Eyes: idk maybe ure secretly dating one a

Raccoon Eyes: nd have to confirm that its ok

Raccoon Eyes: ARE U SECRETLY DATING A FOUR EYES

Raccoon Eyes: U HAVE TO TELL US IF U ARE

Raccoon Eyes: URE LEGALLY OBLIGATED

Tape Face: o shit

Tape Face: scandalous

Katsuki: Shut the fuck up, I’m not dating anyone, secret or not.

Raccoon Eyes: thats what they all say

Katsuki: Whatever. I’m not dating anyone.

Raccoon Eyes: kats n four eyes no420 sittin in a tree

Raccoon Eyes: k

Raccoon Eyes: i

Raccoon Eyes: s

Raccoon Eyes: i

Katsuki: I’ll blow up all of your left shoes when you’re not home.

Raccoon Eyes: n

Raccoon Eyes: NO

Raccoon Eyes: IM STOPPING DONT DO IT

Shitty Hair: Hey what do you guys think of this photo

Shitty Hair: image.png

Tape Face: dude yes

Raccoon Eyes: AWWWW OUR FIRST BILLBOARDS AS PROS

Katsuki: Do we really need to send them pictures? It’s not like we fucking forgot this stuff already.

Tape Face: you can be a killjoy if you want lmao

Tape Face: im sure mina will send more than enough to cover for you

Raccoon Eyes: U BETCHA

Raccoon Eyes: image.png

Tape Face: lmao why do you have a pic of katsuki throwing ei

Shitty Hair: I still can’t believe you did that bro

Shitty Hair: WITHOUT WARNING TOO

Katsuki: I gave you plenty of fucking warning.

Shitty Hair: Saying “I’m throwing you” AS YOU’RE THROWING ME is NOT PLENTY OF WARNING DUDE

Raccoon Eyes: im always ready to document golden moments

Katsuki: Shut the fuck up. We won the training exercise so what’s it fucking matter?

Shitty Hair: YOU THREW ME!!

Katsuki: Tape Face caught you before you could get hurt.

Shitty Hair: YOU /THREW/ ME!!!!!!

Tape Face: barely caught

Katsuki: Whatever.

Raccoon Eyes: im still impressed by how eASY u made that look

Katsuki: What the fuck’s that supposed to mean?

Raccoon Eyes: o look conveniently timed distraction photo spam

Katsuki sighed as he continued the conversation, commenting here and there on the photos his friends sent for judgement. In retrospect, he probably should have tried to talk to Shion first, since there was a chance she would have denied the time off for the reunion. Although, knowing her, she would have accepted just to force Katsuki into socializing. He opened up a new text message, figuring that if Shion did decide to deny the time off, he would at least have a screenshot to send to his friends explaining the sudden change in plans.

Katsuki: I need March 28th and 29th off.

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Do my eyes deceive me? The great Katsuki Bakugou, asking for time off?

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): I’m amazed! Usually I have to ask you to take the day off!

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Nay, not ask, but force!

Katsuki: Are you going to give it to me or not?

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Depends! What do you need the time off for?

Katsuki: Class reunion.

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Oh those are fun!

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Fill out the proper time off paperwork and have it on my desk by Monday. I’ll approve the time off.

Four Eyes (Shitty Shion): Just keep your phone on you in case we need you to come in for an emergency, but I’ll try not to ruin your reunion with work.

Katsuki: Thanks.

Well, so much for an easy way out.

Katsuki pinched the bridge of his nose when he noticed that his phone had already accumulated another thirty texts in the past few minutes, no doubt primarily from Mina. He scrolled through the backlog, sending a few mostly empty threats when he saw photos he did not want projected for the entire class to see, freezing when his gaze met a pair of familiar amber eyes.

Shit.

In his scramble to close out of the photo, to escape the genuine smile that somehow was more haunting than the one in his dreams, he left the group text completely. He briefly thanked his past self; he’d impulse or rage quit the group text plenty of times before that this wasn’t unusual behavior. If he was lucky, his friends wouldn’t have noticed the timing of his departure and would assume he was just fed up with the notifications or the conversation.

Shitty Hair: You okay, Katsuki?

A weak laugh escaped Katsuki’s lips as he read the newest notification. Of course Eijirou noticed.

Katsuki: I’m fine.

Shitty Hair: Okay

Shitty Hair: We don’t have to talk about it

Shitty Hair: But if you want to, I’m here dude

Shitty Hair: I’ll tell the others that you left so your phone would shut up and not to add you back yet

Katsuki: Thanks. Really.

Shitty Hair: No problem dude

Katsuki put his phone down, silently praying for the smile to leave him alone.

When he finally laid down for bed that night, he repeated the short prayer, for a peaceful night’s rest free of the smile, of the hurt, of the pain, of the guilt.

But as always, the smile came.

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