#you deserve nothing but happiness and good health
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In the mood for...
Dec 21st
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1. Hello! Today, I'm in the mood for a fic that explores the kinky love life of wangxian. I prefer it to be 40k and above.
The whole fic doesn't have to revolve around it but I would like it to be an important part of the story. I prefer it to be canon universe but it can also be an AU.
We know that Wangxian are pretty kinky in canon so I would like to read a fic that tackles all of their kinks in a healthy way and I would also like them to talk about it and communicate.
Thank you! @broodyelii
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2. Hello! I hope you're all having amazing days and I'm sorry for bothering again so soon, but I just need to ask. Does anyone knows any fic about transmigrator!LWJ? I just stumbled onto the concept and am obsessed. @lostandmessedup
🔒 Once In a Lifetime - CQL-IRL transmigration shenanigans. series by Anonymous (T, 41k, WangXian, RPF, Transmigrator LWJ, Attempt at Humor, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Crack, Crack treated half seriously, Friendship, Developing Friendships, Dimension Travel, after 14 chapters I want to clarify that LWJ is more of a dimensional traveler than a transmigrator, he didn't die. he's alive and well lol, Happy Ending, Transmigrator WWX, Attempt at Humor, Married WangXian, WangXian are married and they make it everyone's problem)
🔒 a kick-start to falling in love by wereworm (T, 7k, WangXian, Transmigrator LWJ, Modern, WWX licks blood, that's a content warning but also just a statement about WWX, LWJ is the transmigrating cultivator and WWX is the uni student caught in the rain, WangXian's intricate rituals tm, Meet-Cute)
💖 the roots by thelastdboy (E, 30k, WangXian, MM/WQ, MM/MM's Husband, Major Character Death, Graphic Depictions of Violence, Post-The Untamed, Canon - MDZS & The Untamed Combination, Transmigrator LWJ, Parallel Universes, Dimension Travel, Time Travel, Desperation, POV WWX, POV LWJ, Post-Canon, Heavy Angst, Mental Health Issues, Grief/Mourning, Abandonment, Depression, Suicidal Thoughts, Hurt/Comfort, Getting Together, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, WQ Lives, Found Family, Cottagecore, Rogue Cultivator WWX, It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better, Bittersweet)
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3. Hi, this would be for ITMF: I just finished I Carried This for Years by LadyOfVengeanceAndWar and omg, I'm obsessed? (too bad its still a WIP) I'm desperately in need of more yummeng siblings role reversal, or yummeng siblings personality swap. I guess even !ylz lwj is fine too if it's good. I prefer long fics (and preferably nothing explicit, but I'll take anything atp)! thank you!!
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4. ITMF... Are there any fics (wangxian preferably but I'll take all recs) where the cultivation world wanted LWJ's death after the burial mounds, but LXC and/or LQR begged them to reduce it to the punishment he got instead? Bonus points if LWJ doesn't know about it. @thegertie
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5. Hii this us for itmf would be forever grateful if someone could recommend fics like this snarky but supportive lan qiren about wangxians marriage hehe @bunnycoffeeumcat
in-laws hate it! get a grandbaby with this one weird trick by lazulisong (G, 1k, WangXian, Accidental Baby Acquisition, although more like, its free grandbaby)
as it should be by Sienne (T, <1k, LQR & WWX, pre-WangXian, Time Travel, Drabble, Crack, Fanart)
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6. hi!! for the itmf, can i have your favorite watching the series fics? preferably with no crossovers with other mxtx books
💖 The Path by Seastar98 (Not Rated, 279k, WangXian, JC/WQ, JYL/JZX, Watching the Series, Fix-It of Sorts, Canon Divergence, Golden Core Reveal, CQL Verse, Angst with a Happy Ending, BAMF NHS, it's what he deserves, check chapters for specific warnings)
Teen Project to Change the World by animeloverhomura (Not Rated, WIP, 841k, WangXian, JYL/JZX, Watching the Show, With a bit of the Manhua and Book thrown in, BAMF WWX, Fix-It, JGS is his own warning, Attractive WWX, Homophobia, disturbing imagery)
The Characters of MDZS Watching the Grandmaster of Demonic Cultivation by emma_screams (M, 166k, WIP, WangXian, Humor, Fluff, Angst, Drama, Characters Watching Their Series)
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7. Hellour! So, for the next itmf, i have been seeing that trend "we listen and we dont judge" everyhwere and thought how wangxian would do in it. So basically a fic where they are forced to say their fantasiesfor eachother or share them with eachother (could totally be all crack or all angst i love both)also, any era works just no wip or abo fics please @just-troy0-0
I think these work for 7, although the truth sharing happens as a result of curses or spells in all of them:
🧡 Brilliant Mistake by brooklinegirl (E, 53k, WangXian, Modern AU, Sex Pollen, Mpreg, dubcon, Modern Cultivators, Dubious Medical Science, 🔒[Podfic] Brilliant Mistake and Brilliant Love (the sequel) by raitala)
beneath six layers of silk by darkredloveknot (enheduane) (E, 12k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Canon Compliant, Getting Together, Confessions, Curses, Embarrassment, Vulnerability, Swearing, Dirty Talk, Hand Jobs, Angst, Fluff, Smut, Honesty, Communication, beneath six layers of silk by darkredloveknot [podfic] by Rhea314 (Rhea))
Rarely Pure and Never Simple by thunderwear (Not Rated, 3k, WangXian, Post-Canon, Truth Spells, Curses, First Kiss, Love Confessions, Post CQL, Getting Together)
Words Spilling From Your Lips by Hellosweetie99 (M, 4k, WangXian, truth curse, Established Relationship, Canon Compliant, Fluff, Eventual Smut, Fluff and Smut, Top LWJ/Bottom WWX, Post-Canon, Blow Jobs, Dom/sub Undertones)
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8. ITMF a fic where lz is a DILF 🙏
ink and honey by mirrorofprinces (T, 1k, WangXian, Modern, Meet-Cute (kind of), Finding Love at the Farmer's Market, Rattoos, Single Dad LWJ, Support your Local Beekeepers)
Phishing by Lovewave_Aesthetic (E, 11k, WangXian, Modern, Smut, Dom/sub, Face Slapping, Size Kink, Size Difference, Dominant LWJ, Submissive WWX, Enthusiastic Consent, Age Difference, Daddy Kink, WWX being bratty and verbal, LWJ being a quiet but kinky dilf, WangXian Have a Breeding Kink, Hair-pulling, Loss of Virginity, Light Bondage, Trans Male Character, Trans WWX, Hackers, Wangxian with vaporwave aesthetics, Non-Linear Narrative)
A Matter of the Heart by Nomme_dePlume (M, 54k, WangXian, Modern with Magic, Canon-Typical Violence, Light Angst, Slow Burn, Age Difference, Strangers to Lovers, Attempt at Humor, BromCom to RomCom, Masturbation, Dry Humping, Getting Together, Love Confessions, Mild Language, Falling In Love, Time Skips, The falling in love happens during the time skips don't @ me, Road trip with your childhood hero who is now a DILF, WWXs hate-hate relationship with doing things for his own happiness, Story is an excuse for the author to write a cheesy airport confession scene)
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9. Hey! First off thanks for all the work you do. Secondly, I have been itmf a fem!LWJ/fem!WWX fic with actual plot(I’m okay with E rated) without either WWX or LWJ having past relationships with other people( or if they did it’s irrelevant). Thanks in advance and have a good day/ night wherever you are!! @neverforgetyou-1
so little time and i'm way off track by defractum (nyargles) (E, 25k, wangxian, modern w/ cultivation, case fic, amnesia, dub con, fuck or die)
cold hands, warm heart by martyrsdaughter (M, 8k, Female WangXian, Post-Canon, Gender or Sex Swap,BCase Fic, Ghosts, Time Loop, Banter, Fluff and Angst, Married Life, for wx liberating ghosts is part of the domestic bliss, Vaginal Fingering, Light Bondage, Dominant LWJ, Submissive WWX, LWJ and WWX Have a Non-Con/Rape Kink, Consensual Non-Consent, Explicit Depictions of Suicide, mild bloodplay)
🔒the dinosaur artist by varnes (T, 12k, Female WangXian, Bringing Up Baby AU)
Happy for Now by ScarlettStorm (E, 75k, Female WangXian, Modern AU, no magic, Rule 63, Cisswap, There Was Only One Bed, romance author au, Adhd wwx, service top LWJ, Pining, Smut, Comedy, Minor Angst, major shenanigans, horny yearning, furtive masturbation, Cunnilingus, Vaginal Fingering, Sex Toys)
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10. Hi! for the next ITMF are there any sun/moon spirit aus? like Shine Brightly, That I May Glow by TheLegendOfChel
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11. Hi!! My biggest thank you to the admins for running the absolute treasure of a blog and to everyone who helps with finding fics and recommendations!!
ITMF fics where:
A) Jiang Cheng understands how disfunctional and bad his parents are towards both Wei Ying and himself and actually does something about it to protect his brother/best friend and their relationship. Kudos if it is not only about Madam Yu being abusive but also about Jiang Fengmian being avoidant and careless towards all of them, and doing stupid shit like overlooking Jiang Cheng in favor to Wei Ying in a really stupid and oblivious way. I crave clever, protective and badass brother Jiang Cheng!
B) Madam Yu understands that she is a bad paarent figure towards Wei Ying and her children and does something to make it better. Maybe someone crudely opens her eyes on her actions and words' consequences, maybe she has a moment of clarity, or some accident shows her how her children and their sect brother are beware of her / protective / ready to do anything for each other and that Wei Ying is actually amazing and has horrifyingly low self-worth. She understands that she was wrong and needs to change to save her relationship with her kids and her charge. Kudos if the way to forgiveness is difficult and painful, but at least somehow successful in the end!!
Thank you ❤️ @shellennium
11A)
The Stranger Inside My Son by Mademoiselle_A (T, 79k, JC & JFM, JC & YZY, JC & WWX, JC & JL, JC & JYL, WangXian, JC & JGY, Time Travel Fix-It, But from an outsider's POV, JC is So Done, JFM's A+ parenting, YZY's A+ Parenting, Both are not great but this is not a bashing fic, JC-centric, But from JFM's POV lol, POV Outsider)
The Threads of Fate by WaitForTheSnitch (E, 108k, WangXian, WIP, Time Travel Fix-It, Canon Divergence, Not Everyone Dies, Cloud Recesses Study Arc, Cloud Recesses Shenanigans, Good Uncle LQR, Protective LWJ, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, Pining LWJ, WWX in WWX’s Body, JC & WWX Reconciliation, is it reconciliation if WWX doesn’t know they were estranged?, Oblivious WWX, WWX Deserves Better, WWX Deserves Happiness, Siblings JC & WWX, Supportive JYL, Protective NHS, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Comic Book Science)
11B)
❤️ And Time Is But a Paper Moon by sami (M, 138k, WangXian, XiChengQing, Time Travel, Fix-It, Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Healing, Mental Health Issues, PTSD, Hurt/Comfort, Depression, BAMF WWX, BAMF JC, BAMF LWJ, BAMF JYL, Getting Together, And Time is But a Paper Moon [PODFIC] by sami, Winterstar1412, [Podfic] Cold read of And Time Is But A Paper Moon by kisahawklin, multiple translations available)
🔒❤️ the thing with feathers by RoseThorne (G, 43k,wangxian, Transmigration, Time Travel Fix-It, Illnesses, Family, Scars, Memory Loss, Angst, Fear, Recovery, Sharing a Bed, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Good Parent YZY, Referenced Sexual Slavery, Blood and Gore, Sexual Tension, Arranged Marriage, Grief, Adoption, POV Third Person, POV Alternating, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Good Parent LQR, Clairvoyance, Butterfly Effect)
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12. Hi lovelies! Long time lurker first time requester. I'm in the mood for a fic where wwx's or lwj's relatives try to keep them apart, with good or bad intentions, resulting in angst and misunderstandings. Recently I read a fic where LXC's well-meaning intervention (temporarily) broke up wangxian and now I crave that mineral. Could be modern AU or not, happy ending preferable, and ideally under 50k.
All The Years Lost by UseMyMuse (T, 26k, WangXian, Teen Pregnancy, Angst with a Happy Ending, Single Parent AU, Forced misunderstandings, Forced miscommunication, Mpreg)
The Winner Takes It All by YilingSani (M, 46k, WangXian, Modern AU, Single Parent WWX, Old Friends, One Night Stands, No Smut, Angst with a Happy Ending, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Forgiveness, Second Chances, Inspired by Mamma Mia! (Movies) Teen Pregnancy, Mpreg, mention of miscarriage, Birth Trauma, amniotic fluid embolism) These are both mpreg. I know of others that fit the request but they're significantly longer than the requested under 50k.
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13. Hi I hope you can help me found a fic. A dark wangji who have no problem killing anyone who try to hurt weiying. It can be past or future. Just want a crazy over protective wangji to wei ying. @sadritsuka12
A Matter of Time series by mrcformoso (E, 84k, wangxian, time travel fix-it, graphic depictions of violence, underage, LWJ pov, JC pov, dark LWJ, manipulation, grooming, teen body adult mind for LWJ, happy ending for wangxian, problematic consensual underage sex, blood & violence, insane LWJ, manic LWJ)
🔒 Flawed and Free by Vrishchika (E, 18k, WangXian, WIP, Major Character Death, Dark LWJ, Dark LXC, Dark Gusu Lan Sect, anti JC, Character Death, Temporary Character Death Time Travel Fix-It, JC bashing, Angst, Hurt/Comfort)
Somewhere Sits an Empty Throne by Siamesa (E, 19k, WangXian, Major Character Death, TGCF Fusion, Gods & Goddesses, Ghosts, Romance, Vengeance, Canon-Typical Violence, Dark LWJ, Grief/Mourning, Explicit Sexual Content, Angst with a Happy Ending)
🔒 Something is wrong with A-Zhan! by HeloSoph (M, 15k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Time Travel Fix-It, Sort Of, Dark LWJ, Morally Gray WWX, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, WWX Isn’t Adopted by the Jiangs, WWX is a Lan, WangXian Get a Happy Ending, JC Bashing, Smitten LWJ, Possessive LWJ, Engaged WangXian, Blood and Violence, a lot of people die, LQR Metaphorically Qi-Deviates, because of, Shameless LWJ, LQR Tries, to fit into the following tag, Good Uncle LQR, Semi-Public Sex, or at least wangxian’s version of it, Scheming NHS, POV NHS)
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14. Hi! For itmf can I have fics where Xie Lian and Hua Cheng are WWX's parents? E.g. fics like Hua Xianle. Thanks so much!! ☺️ @no-blg
🔒 the hearth series by eccentrick (G/T, 65k, WangXian, HuaLian, Found Family, fluff with plot, Fluff and Angst, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, Disabled Character, Ableism, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, WWX Isn’t Adopted by the Jiāngs, slow burn found family, Adopt WWX, Married HuaLian, Post-Canon TGCF, Kid Fic, TGCF Spoilers)
it takes a village by lariyats (T, 13k, HuaLian, HC & WWX, XL & WWX, Family Fluff, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Child WWX, hualian adopts wwx au, Snowball Fight, Shapeshifting, Festival, Ghost Peppers, Case Fic section, Growing Up, 4 part narrative structure, it’s seasonal)
Narrative of Strength by erosophic (T, 75k, HuaLian, WangXian, HC & WWX, XL & WWX, FX & MQ & XL, JC & WWX, FengQIng, WIP, Canon Divergence, HuaLian Adopt WWX, Found Family, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, XL takes WWX as a disciple, Protective XL, Protective HC, Adoption, Kidnapping, Attempted Kidnapping, QR being QR, Serious Injuries, Angst with a Happy Ending, Canon-Typical Violence)
Just one person is enough by Sarah_R (T, 11k, HuaLian, HC & WWX, XL & WWX, WangXian, HX & WWX, SQX & WWX, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Hugs, Past Child Abuse, Cute, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Healing, MDZS canon divergent, LZ & WY will still fall on love!, And marry!, Canon-Typical Violence, Canon Divergence, Literally WWX getting adopted by all the gods and demons…, AND GETTING ALL THE LOVE HE DESERVES!, His still a self sacrificing idiot though…, HC best dad!, XL best mom!!!, WWX protection squad, Falling In Love)
🔒 there's a CHILD in my shrine?? WTF!! by corduroyserpent (G, 2k, HuaLian, HC & WWX, XL & WWX, Fluff, Crossover, HuaLian adopts WWX)
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15. Thanks for running the ITMFs! Do you know of any fics where mxy!wwx plays wangxian on dafan mountain, lwj recognizes him, and jc strikes him with zidian, but breaking from canon the hit works and wwx is expelled from mxy’s body. Dealing with the aftermath of that- lwj almost got wwx back but now he’s gone again
None of them knew about the sacrifice ritual at this point, so for all jc/lwj knew it was a possession and zidian would work. So just something exploring that dynamic
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16. In the mood for fic, where there is Lan Zhan possessed by some evil entity or yin iron or something. Fic where Lan Zhan is not himself and doesn't do anything evil willingly, but his possession his making him into different person. I wonder if there is such fic like that. No modern aus please.
old wounds, like hidden ghosts by wordsonpage (T, 2k, WangXian, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt, Post-Canon, Established Relationship, Dark LWJ, but like accidentally, Angst and Feels, Angst with a Happy Ending) it's a short fic but old wounds, like hidden ghosts definitely fits the request
Clouded by diamondbruise (M, 15k, WangXian, Canon Divergence, Getting Together, Case Ficish, Curses, Dark LWJ, It’s a curse, Dubcon Kissing, Jealousy, Sharing a Bed, Angst with a Happy Ending, Dubious Consent, no sex in this fic just in general)
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17. Heyo, me again. Are there any fics where Jiang cheng and His huaisang are married and canon still happens? Like all of canon? The reveal of meng Yao and everything? Please let me know, thank you😁 @yasssbassss
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If you didn’t get an answer to your ask here, don’t forget to make use of @mdzs-kinkmeme and MDZS KINK MEME on Dreamwidth. Authors actually do use them for ideas. You may get what you order!***Your prompt doesn’t have to be kink! Fluff, crack, whatever - it’s all good!***
#wangxian#mdzs#wangxian fic recs#i'm in the mood for a fic#the untamed#wangxian fic search#wangxianficfinder#long post
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY SAM!
Sam Rivers - Born September 2nd, 1977
#Our little Virgo baby#Happy 47th hun!#you deserve nothing but happiness and good health#hope you have a phenomenal birthday#Sam Rivers#Limp Bizkit#nu metal#SAM. I. AM.#Sammy Boy#Bass Boss#down the rabbit hole
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I've seen things after SOTUS extreme actor harassment, I've been here through BMF "hate watching flashmob" and you know what, this year I will actually stop tolerating BL fans (at least on tumblr) who don't even have the decency to just ignore things they don't like and who think bullying someone is a good fandom sport, and start calling out. No matter if you believe clickbaits or you're a proud member of celebrity witchhunt or just don't believe people and situations can change, whatever, I really don't want to see KristSingto hate if - when - they will come back with another BL series.
Peraya fans have been waiting and hoping for KristSingto reunion for years, they wanted it themselves for so long as well, and we've unfortunately encountered way too many people who don't use their braincells and who encourage others to follow their footsteps when making derogatory comments about (mainly) Krist or Singto who they don't even know about, or their shows. For years. Some even go to talk shit and laugh right at his face. What the hell.
Maybe don't ruin someone else's parade and don't turn a nice community lake into a swamp. If you consider yourself a good person who can have an opinion "I just don't vibe with this person/show", watch it unbiased, be open minded and if you don't have a full picture, ask fans of the actual story or do research and read proper compilations about him instead of blindly stacking your opinions on repeated echoed insults from yt and tiktok. And if you aren't willing to be open minded and rational, well, let the fans celebrate and stick quietly to your swamp.
It's really no fun to gather around to discuss something and slip on poop piles thrown around for no reason. What happened to civil discussions?
#this might sound harsh#but i've watched many shows over the past few years and read a lot of opinions#and bl fans were vile for nothing about no other popular bl actor as much as Krist#all the snide remarks in metas and retold HoRriBle RuMoRs for someone who really does not deserve it#and who has been battling mental health for years already#it really became a popular witchhunt and the last year showed that people are still happy to engage in it#even when the extreme viewers pressure and harrassment is exactly what created an issue in the first place#people do deserve to be called out when they are being ugly to others#my heart still hurts for bmf tbh because it's a beautiful and well crafted meaningful show with good acting#but people ignored it because some popular accs decided to be bitch about it because Krist was in it#OR they wrote meta and excited fans had to read discussions enduring all the - ew considering Krist it is not too bad - posts#just ffs#why people still do it#there are amazing posts with explanations or updates or just showing how good of a person Krist is#why don't you read those first and form a proper opinion if you take time to hate on him anyway#kristsingto#krist perawat#singto prachaya#peraya
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People in the notes have said physical therapist Akihiko and ohohoho you fools you fucking clowns you don’t even know. Imagine Shinji getting out of the coma and all the rehabilitation shit he’s gotta do all the physical therapy like you just know Akihiko is so fucking over the moon he’s done so much research he’s so excited to see Shinji have a “training regime” he infodumps about what’s happening with the muscle recovery process and what stretches work best hes just way too invested he talks over doctors and Shinji is just like “good god if you know so much why don’t you just be a physical therapist” and Akihiko’s like 😈
Akihiko becoming a cop is something that simply doesn’t happen in the coma route cuz Shinji would see that shit and be like Aki what the actual hell is wrong with you
#like he does feel upset seeing shinji in such a vulnerable state and struggling with everything#but it does get overshadowed by excitement mitsuru is like ‘please he just got out of a coma stop being so pushy 😵💫’#hes just so invested he gets to learn so much shit he never even considered before its so interesting#and i think itd be very important that hes much more aware of like limits this time cuz a big strain in his relationship with shinji was#aki being pushy and not understanding shinjis limits and shinji being bad at letting himself have limits and communicating them#and like its very important not to push too hard when recovering from a coma cuz itll just make things worse#its a big adjustment for both of them cuz akihiko definitely has always been told to push harder past limits and to always try to be#stronger and not let yourself stop and its more important now than ever to unlearn that attitude#and shinji is so all or nothing like he either quits too fast or pushes to the point of destruction without communicating anything#so its very easy for him to get trapped in a hopeless spiral when things take time and then get desperate and try too hard#but he gets a lot of encouragement from everyone this time and its sooo weird and annoying and overwhelming but it is nice#also quick tangent like really pisses me off when ppl write shinji just like MIRACULOUSLY SPRINGING OUT of the coma like he just pops awake#gets up and starts running to do shit which tbf the game does it too but its like dude hes been in a like 6 month coma#im not an expert i still got a lotta research to do but i mean theres so much shit hes gonna go through#even if theres no like brain damage youre still gonna have to relearn basic stuff like eating breathing walking and like. general awareness#of your surroundings and who you are and what happened to you and 6 months is so long too so its gonna be rough#im not saying you gotta give him like brain damage but damn at least establish that recovery is lengthy and difficult#his ass is not walking around!!!#also hes still got a lot of mental illness and like did get shot fully believing he deserved to die so like hes also gotta lot of mental#health recovery to be doing like unless he somehow has some magical therapy coma dreams things arent gonna be perfect peachy for him#i get wanting to make everything happy but idk personally i think id rather it be gradual and a struggle cuz its more realistic and like#i think having this character just miraculously be fine is such a disservice like i think he deserves to have love and hope for him even#when its difficult cuz his life will never be easy he’ll never be free from the trauma but that doesnt mean his life isnt worth living#and him being loved unconditionally even though hes a ‘burden’ is so so important to me#i just hate the laziness like wheres the love man wheres the genuine character appreciation#anyway physical therapist aki its canon now hed be so so good at it and hes got personal experience
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how to embrace being alone⋆.ೃ࿔*:・✍🏽🎀
learning to be alone is such a crucial thing to learn at all times during your life, but especially during your youth. and something to understand is that sometimes, protecting your peace comes at the cost of being alone but being alone is peaceful! and not as bad as you might think that it is.
being alone offers an opportunity for self discovery and growth and rest and relaxation and reflection and the list goes ON. being able to enjoy your own company is a SUPER power bcuz it genuinely nourishes you so much.
ENJOYING UR OWN COMPANY ;
you dont have to be codependent on someone else to make yourself happy or to make yourself feel good. what fulfills you and nourishes you isnt the relationships that u have with others. although that is an amazing and fulfilling thing, the most fulfilling thing is learning yourself. being alone REPLENISHES you, its like, hydration for the soul.
dont wait on someone else to do something that you wanna do!! if u dont have anyone to go with, just go on your own. you dont have to wait on others to be happy…💬🎀
PRACTICE BEING ALONE ;
go on solo dates, practice planning to do something fun and just doing it by yourself. once you start doing things alone and you see how nice it feels, you'll want to do it more bcuz its so easy to enjoy your own company, you just have to get over your fear of judgement or of being alone and learn to enjoy and embrace it.
♡ have a spa day
♡ learn to cook a new dish
♡ read a book
♡ have a journalling session
♡ schedule appointments for urself
♡ go on a long drive
SOME BENEFITS OF ENJOYING UR OWN COMPANY ;
��� u can be urself without filter
♡ less distractions and u give urself time to ponder and look internally
♡ ur in control of ur space and time
♡ u can be creative and imaginative without reference
♡ its peaceful
BEING UR OWN BESTFRIEND ;
treat yourself how you'd treat someone that you valued a lot. be compassionate and understanding and respectful. dont talk badly about yourself and dont be mean to/punish yourself bcuz u wouldn't do that to someone that u loved and cherished…💬🎀
dont abandon yourself in times where life can become stressful. focus on being present and dont forget your worth. your self worth and value doesn’t come from how useful you are to others, your valuable simply because you are you. a human being who is deserving of love. your worth doesnt come from how productive you are or what you’ve achieved, instead your worth is already done and your valuable because of your existence.
COPING WITHOUT FRIENDS ;
everything is temporary and meaningful relationships will always find their way to you. just understand that some ppl are here temporarily and some ppl are here for a lifetime but only you are here for all of it which is why its important to be alone and be comfy with that.
not everyone is gonna like you or wanna be your friend and thats okay. it has nothing to do with you and is almost always simply because of different personalities and its not personal
brush off rejections bcuz rejection is just redirection. when you dont take everything personally you'll notice how much happier you'll be overall.
know that the meaningful relationships and connections that u crave will come!! no one is here to be alone forever so you'll meet the people who pour into you and you'll meet ppl that u can pour into and you'll be okay!!
overall, enjoying your own company does wonders for your mental and physical health and its a useful skill to learn in general because it brings so much peace from being able to sit with your thoughts…💬🎀
#advice#it girl#becoming that girl#self care#self love#that girl#it girl energy#dream girl tips#dream life#dream girl#self improvement#self development#self reflection#self growth#self healing#honeytonedhottie⭐️#alone time#productivity#protect your peace#inner peace#inner thoughts#relaxation#dolly#girl blog#im just a girl#girlblogging#just girly things#reflection#tranquility#dream girl life
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It's a Love Story - Chapter 10
Summary:
Azriel's shadows find their master a wife.
Azriel would just really like his heart not to get broken again.
And Sky...well, she's just really surprised that that far too handsome male is interested in her at all.
Warning:
Rhys Bashing (as usual), I classified this as Azriel x OC, even when it't technically Azriel x Sellyn Drake (but we kinda know nothing about Sellyn Drake other than that she writes books so Sky is kinda an OC), Cassian is kinda a good guy for once, Azriel has a horrible time, as usual... Stuttering, toxic families (For once I do not mean the IC), Self-Esteem Issues, Secret Identity, Body Image Issues, Fat Shaming, People being utterly horrible. Racism against Illyrians/Lesser Faes?
If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable, please take care of your own mental health and don't read it.
“Azriel is fine,” Gwyn repeated drily, her nose buried in a book.
Her friends got to hear all about Nesta’s worry.
“You don’t know that,” Nesta said with a sigh. “I just…gods, I want to throttle Rhysand,” she seethed. For doing this to Azriel.
To Az. Who had always been kind to her. Who had always been…sweet to her. Who was sweet. Even when his exterior didn’t betray that. Who was kind and thoughtful and gave the best gifts…Who had sat with her when she had waken up from nightmares and had been willing to lay down his life to make sure that her sister would be happy.
He was like a brother to Nesta. He was what she had always imagined an older brother to be like. And she knew that he had been utterly miserable, but hadn’t been able to fix what was wrong for him…and now she got to find out that it was all Rhysand’s fault.
Emerge just sighed. “Get in line,” her friend said drily. “Mor wants to do worse than that to him, I think.”
Nesta held back a snort. She believed it once she saw it and not before.
“He is fine. Quite happy even,” Gwyn repeated, a small grin painting her features.
“How do you know?” Nesta demanded, turning to her red-haired friend who just smiled at her.
“Because I saw him yesterday,” Gwyn said simply.
"You saw him?" Nesta asked, her eyes widening in surprise. "Where? When?" When had Gwyn.
Gwyn just sighed. “Why would a male and a female that love each other very much come to see a Priestess?”
Nesta's eyes widened as she realized what Gwyn was implying.
"You don't mean..." she trailed off, shock and disbelief etched on her face. "They're getting married?" she said weakly.
Gwyn just grinned at her, miming to lock up her mouth and throw away the key. "Let's just say that Azriel couldn't have been more in love if he had tried," she said cryptically, flipping the page of her book with a smirk.
“Who is she?” Nesta demanded. Who was Azriel’s mate? Who was the girl that the mother had picked to be good enough for Az?
“Sweet. Quiet,” Gwynn answered easily. “Thinks Azriel hung the moon and the stars.”
That was what he deserved, wasn’t it?
Azriel deserved happiness after everything he had been through, and if his mate could provide that for him, then that was all that mattered.
"Azriel deserves someone who loves him that much," she said, nodding in agreement. "Does he seem happy too?" she asked in a quiet voice.
"He's as happy as I've ever seen him," Gwyn answered, her expression softening. "He couldn't take his eyes off her the whole time. It was like the rest of the world didn't even exist."
Nesta smiled, feeling a sense of warmth thrumming through at the thought of Azriel being so happy. "I'm glad he's found someone who makes him feel that way," she said softly. "He deserves it."
Gwyn just smiled, her eyes twinkling. "I think they're good for each other," she said simply. "They just...fit together, you know?"
That’s what Nesta wished for for him.
And once she had that confirmation… well, it was much easier to calm Cassian.
Who had been near rabid with… Nesta wasn’t even sure with what. A bad conscience maybe. Anxiety, anger…a whole maelstrom of emotions.
"Talk to me," she said simply, as she sat down on the ground a few feet away from where he was stabbing one of the training dummy. She had half expected him to pin a painting of Rhysand to it, to stab his brother’s proxy. “Stop reducing every training double to kindle,” she said drily.
“Az said three days,” and he wasn’t there this morning,” Cassian snapped.
"Calm down," Nesta said firmly. "Azriel is a grown male, Cassian. He can take care of himself. Maybe something came up."
Like breakfast with his wife after they got married.
"But what if he's hurt or...or worse?" Cassian said, his voice cracking with emotion. "We don't even know where he is or what he's doing."
Nesta sighed, knowing that she couldn't brush off his concerns completely. "Look. He said he would be with his mate," Nesta said drily. "I am sure she'll take care of him. And Gwyn did see him yesterday and said he was fine."
"Why did Gwyn see him?" Cassian demanded immediately.
“Because I had a favour to ask," Azriel's voice came from behind them, drily.
Cassian turned around so quickly that she was quite sure that he got whiplash...and then pounced on Azriel in a bonecrushing hug.
"I am so sorry," she could hear her mate apologise. "I had a talk with Rhys. I imagine you'll get a apology from him as well. It's not enough, it's nowhere near enough, but...maybe it could be a start," Cassian said softly. "I am sorry that you didn't feel like you could come to me when you found your mate."
Even when Azriel had a temper...if it was about his family he was more forgiving than they had any right to, Nesta reflected drily, as she watched him return the hug from Cassian.
"It's not your fault," he waved him off, his voice dry. Cassian disagreed with that assessment, Nesta knew. Cassian thought that he should have said something earlier, done more...
She had never seen him as angry with Rhysand as he had been over the last few days. Actually, Nesta hadn’t thought that she would ever see the day that Cassian broke his High Lord's nose on purpose.
Cassian pulled back slightly from the hug, his expression still earnest. "I mean it, Az," he said. "I should have been there for you. I should have had your back."
"He did break Rhys'nose on your behalf," Nesta said drily.
Azriel's lips twitched into a faint smile. Thank you," he said, amusement in his voice. "That...means more than you know."
Cassian just shrugged, still feeling guilty for not having been there for Azriel when he needed him. "I should have been a better brother to you," he said quietly. "I'm sorry I let you down."
Azriel said nothing, but squeezed Cassian’s shoulder.
Nesta couldn’t help but look for a ring on his hand. A simple gold band glinted there on his finger, and she was unable not to smile at it.
“Congratulartions,” she said quietly, nodding to the ring and Azriel looked at her and then the ring…and then he chuckled as she stood up and hugged him too.
“Thank you,” he thanked her graciously.
“You got married?!” Cassian said, sounding shocked, but the warmth in his voice was apparent. “Congrats!”.
"So, tell us all about her," Nesta said seriously.
"Why do you want to know?" Azriel asked, staring at her.
"Because she is your mate. She is your wife. She is important to you," Nesta said simply. "She is important to you, so she is important to us. What's her name?"
"Her name is Sky," he answered softly.
Sky.
Her name was Sky.
Named after what Azriel hadn’t been allowed to feel for over a decade. Sky. Named after what every Illyrian held dearest.
"Sky is...the sweetest person I have ever met. With the bluest eyes. She loves books and her cat," Azriel explained, a soft smile on his face.
Nesta and Cassian exchanged a small smile at the way Azriel's face lit up when he talked about Sky. "She sounds amazing," Nesta said sincerely. "We can’t wait to meet her. Whenever you are ready."
"Do you...Do you want to come to dinner tonight?" Azriel offered.
Nesta hadn't expected that. Had expected Azriel to hold a grudge to keep her away from all of them...but he was giving them a chance.
"Are you sure?" Nesta asked carefully. "We would love to come, but only if you're comfortable with it."
Azriel paused for a moment, "I'm sure," he said simply. "Sky would like it, and I...I would like it too."
Nesta smiled, feeling a warmth in her chest at Azriel's words. "We'll be there," she said warmly, Cassian nodding in agreement.
"Good," Azriel said simply. "I'll tell Sky."
"Thank you, Az," Cassian said softly, his expression earnest. "For giving us a chance."
This didn't stop Nesta's mate from telling her about his more and more ridiculous theories about Azriel's mate during their flight into Velaris and the mountains surrounding it.
Nesta couldn't help but roll his eyes as Cassian suggested her being a mythical being like Amren. "I swear, Cassian, you have the wildest imagination," she said, shaking her head. "Can you focus on flying for one minute without dreaming up these ridiculous scenarios?"
Cassian just shrugged, grinning unrepentantly. "Hey, it's fun to speculate," he said with a playful wink. "Besides, you never know...maybe Az's mate is a mermaid princess or something equally as exciting."
Nesta couldn't help but snort with laughter, even as Cassian landed in front of a charming cabin at a mountain lake. As soon as they landed, Nesta took a moment to take in their surroundings. The cabin was indeed charming, hidden away in a picturesque mountain setting near a serene lake. The peaceful surroundings seemed to perfectly mirror Azriel's quiet and introspective nature. Nesta could understand why he had chosen this spot as his home.
As they made their way towards the front door, Nesta couldn't help but feel a flutter of nerves. This was…this was important.
This was the female that Azriel had married, his mate…she was important to him.
Before they had a chance to knock, Azriel opened the door, a slight smile on his face. "Come in," he said warmly.
Nesta's gaze immediately fell to the female at his size. Shorter than average, a body that consisted out of voluptuous curves, with chocolate brown waves falling to her waist. Her hands were clenched together and she was obviously nervous as she stared at Nesta and Cassian with ill-hidden apprehension.
"This...is Sky," Nesta heard Azriel say. Nesta couldn't tear her eyes away. Sky was exactly what she had expected and absolutely nothing like it at the same time.
Nesta's first impression of Sky was that she was undeniably pretty, in a quiet and understated way. But as she looked at the nervous expression on Sky's face, Nesta couldn't help but feel a pang of sympathy.
She could only imagine how daunting it must feel for Sky to be meeting Azriel's family for the first time. She gave Sky a warm smile, which she hoped would put the girl at ease. "It's nice to finally meet you, Sky," she said gently. "Az has told us a lot about you."
Sky managed a trembling smile, but the nerves were clear on her face. "It...It's n...nice t...to me...meet y...you t...too," she stuttered, grimacing at her own voice. Azriel's hand on her waist tightened and he fixed both Nesta and Cassian with a look that told them there would be hell to pay if they said a single thing about her stutter.
Nesta just gave him a reassuring smile, as she got the message loud and clear. She wasn't going to make Sky feel even more uncomfortable and insecure than she already seemed to be. Not when it was clear that Azriel cared about her so much.
Cassian didn't even hesitate to pull first Azriel into a hug and then Sky right alongside with him, her small frame utterly dwarfed by Cassian.
“So you are my brother’s mate,” Cassian told her seriously. "We are so happy that we finally get to meet the girl that makes our brother so happy.”
Sky blushed at Cassian's warm words, but some of the tension seemed to leave her shoulders. "Th...Thank you...," she murmured, her tone a barely audible one. She stepped back into Azriel's embrace and he wrapped his arms around her tightly, his wings coming around to encircle her in a protective embrace.
Even his shadows seemed to love her. The shadows that normally kept away from every other person, only clinging to Azriel…seemed to dote on her, curls themselves through her hair, and along the hem of her dress…
"Shall we go inside?" Azriel asked, gesturing towards the open door behind him. Nesta and Cassian nodded, following the pair into the cozy cabin. The interior of the cabin was just as warm and inviting as the outside, with rustic wooden floors and a large stone fireplace that crackled cheerfully. There were shelves filled with books on every wall and a few comfortable armchairs nestled around a low table.
So many books. Nesta was quite sure that it probably could be considered a private library.
But before she could really take it in, there was a rough meowing.
Nesta glanced down in surprise to see a fat, fluffy brown cat sauntering towards them, meowing loudly. The cat rubbed against Sky's ankles before trying to leap on the arm of the couch...and failing horrible. "Is that your cat?" Nesta asked, an amused smile on his face.
"Y…Yes, Th...That's H...Hector," Sky answered, picking up the cat that now pretended that falling off the couch had been totally his plan all along and instead curled himself happily in Sky's arms. His yellow eyes stared in two different directions and his fur was patchy...but he was somehow quite charming.
Nesta liked him. He had character. And his rough purring was adorable.
"He's adorable," Nesta said honestly, holding out her hand towards him. As Hector sniffed at her, she reached out to gently scratch behind his ears. The cat leaned into her touch contentedly, his purrs growing even louder.
"Sky dotes on him," Azriel said with a hint of pride in his voice. "He was a stray and she took him in. She's been taking care of him ever since."
Nesta looked at Sky, who was smiling at her cat. "That's so sweet," Nesta said. "He's a big boy, isn't he?" she said with some amusement. When Sky held him, Hector seemed to be nearly half her size.
"I...It's a...all the tuna he eats," Sky answered drily.
Nesta chuckled, "Well, he's certainly in good hands with you." She watched as Hector purred contentedly in Sky's arms, clearly very attached to her.
Cassian, meanwhile, was eyeing the cat with a playful grin. "Careful, Az, Hector might try to steal your girl with all his charm," he teased.
Azriel just cocked an eyebrow, "Oh he already did," he drawled, a hint of amusement in his voice.
Nesta couldn't help but laugh at their banter. It felt good to see Azriel being relaxed enough to joke around, even if it was at his own expense.
Even Sky was smiling as Hector let out a loud meow, clearly demanding attention. "Someone's jealous," she said softly, scratching him behind his ears. Hector purred contentedly and burrowed deeper into her arms, clearly happy to be the center of attention.
"Y...You want to hold him?" she offered the cat to Nesta. "I need to check on dinner."
Nesta gamely lifted Hector from Sky's arms, cradling him like a baby. "I'll keep him entertained while you do," she said with a smile. Hector mewled contentedly, his head tilted as he looked at Nesta with one eye.
As Azriel and Cassian made themselves comfortable on the couch, “Are you sure that’s a cat?” Cassian hissed towards Azriel. “And not a stunted mountain lion or something?”
“It’s all the tuna he eats. He had a hard life," Azriel said defensively.
Nesta looked up from where she was still playing with Hector. "I can see that," she said with a nod, gesturing towards Hector's missing eye and patched up fur. "I can tell he was loved from the moment Sky took him in though."
Nesta carried him over to the bookcases, eyes greedily reading the names and words on the spines.
It was a whole galore of romance books in these bookcases, a lot that Nesta had never even heard about, though there were some of her favourites between them...another bookcase held books from every which topic that involved sword fighting and horse riding and blacksmithing and everything in between...lots of cookbooks too...and then there was one bookcase that seemed to be solely filled with every Sellyn Drake novel in existence. Even the ones that were so rare that notneven the house had yet managed to get them for Nesta.
Nesta couldn't help but smirk as she ran her fingers over the spines of the 'Sellyn Drake' books. "Seems like Sky is just as big of a fan as I am," she said with a chuckle.
She turned to see Sky in the open kitchen, busy with a large pan. "You have all of her books," Nesta said admiringly. "I can't believe you have some of the rare ones, I have been trying to get those forever!"
Sky looked up from her cooking, surprised that Nesta seemed impressed by her collection. "Y...Yeah, I...I do like them..." Sky replied, her voice soft and hesitant. She turned back to the stove, clearly feeling self-conscious as she stirred the pot.
Nesta sensed her discomfort and decided to lighten the mood. "You know, I think I should officially crown you as the ultimate Sellyn Drake fan," she said with a playful grin. "No one has a collection like this one. Maybe we can talk about our favorite scenes sometime. I'm dying to discuss the latest novel...Did you read it already? Azriel got it for my birthday," Nesta told her brightly. "It's signed. I have no idea how he even managed that."
"I gave it to him," Sky said, turning towards her.
Sky had gotten it for Az?!
"Where did you get it from? It wasn't even out yet?!" Nesta asked curiously. "Tell me your secrets."
Azriel smirked, "I have my ways," he said with a wink. "But I can't reveal all my secrets. The fun is in keeping a few things a mystery."
Nesta just rolled her eyes, "Always the cryptic one, Az." She then turned back to Sky, "But seriously, where did you get the signed copy from? I'd sell my soul to get my hands on one of those."
"The...The author owed me a favor," Sky said, her voice hesitant.
Nesta's eyes widened, "You mean you know Sellyn Drake in person??!!"
"I...I mean...I...she is...me" Sky stammered, her cheeks turning red as she fumbled with her words.
What?
Azriel chuckled warmly, walking over to Sky and wrapping his arms around her waist, pulling Sky close. "What Sky is trying to say, Nesta, is that she is Sellyn Drake," he finished for her.
Nesta just stared for a moment, her mouth hanging open in surprise. "Are you serious?" she asked, still reeling from the revelation.
Sky just gave her a small nod, her face flushed with embarrassment. "Sellyn Drake is… a…actually a p…pen n…name," she said softly. "I couldn't use my real name and still keep my a…anonymity...So Skylar Alden became Sellyn Drake.”
Nesta was still trying to process the news. "So you're telling me that the author of my favorite novels of all time, is standing in front of me, cooking dinner?"
Sky shrugged, "Y...Yes?" There was a hint of uncertainty in her tone, as if she was unsure of what reaction she was going to get from Nesta.
Nesta's face split into a wide grin, "This is the best day ever" she exclaimed. She couldn't believe that she was meeting her favorite author, and it was even better knowing that the author was someone so sweet and unassuming as Sky.
Cassian started laughing, the sound deep and amused. "You have a few tricks up your sleeve, Sky" he chortled amusedly.
Azriel chuckled, the corners of his lips curling into a small smile. "Sky is full of surprises, even to me," he teased.
Sky just swatted at his arm, a soft blush coloring her cheeks
***
Somehow actually admitting that she was Sellyn Drake...that was easy. So easy.
She used to be so afraid to tell people about it. But with Azriel at her side, she felt safer. His love and support made her feel more confident and comfortable in her own skin. She could be herself with him without any judgement.
And why shouldn’t she be proud of her success? She wrote these books! They were her babies!
"Alright, but I need to know what happens next!" Nesta told her, her grey eyes wide and desperate. "You left the book at such a cliffhanger!"
Sky laughed softly, feeling a little less self-conscious now that the cat was out of the bag. She turned back to the stove, stirring the pot once more.
"Maybe I c…can give you a s…spoiler or two," she offered, grinning. "But just this one time. Can't give e…everything away too easily now, can I?"
Nesta leaned in, her eyes gleaming with anticipation. "Please, please tell me," she begged. "I need to know what happens next!"
"Alright," Sky agreed, amused by Nesta's enthusiasm. "But you have to p…promise not to b…breathe a word of this to my publisher. She would kill me if they knew I was spilling the beans before the book is even published."
Nesta nodded eagerly, making a zipping motion across her lips. "Your secret is safe with me."
"And we lost them," Cassian said drily.
Azriel laughed, "Can't compete with the author herself, Cass. Best to just sit back and enjoy the ride."
Nesta was lovely and Cassian was as loud and boisterous as Azriel had described him to be...and quite frankly, Sky loved Azriel's family. At least the two people that she had met.
"Was tonight...alright?" Azriel asked her softly as he pulled her into his arms that evening.
Sky smiled gently, leaning back into his embrace. She felt relieved that the night had gone well, and that Azriel's family had accepted her with open arms.
"It was...better than alright," she replied softly, feeling a warmth in her heart. She caught his hand in hers, pulling it to her lips, so she could press a kiss to the simple gold band that encircled his ring finger.
Their wedding had been a spur of the moment decision a day ago...but Sky wouldn't have wanted it any other day. It was everything she had ever wanted. Just the two of them.
No need for a big production.
Azriel's eyes softened, and he tightened his arms around her. "I'm glad," he murmured, the emotion in his voice palpable. He kissed the top of her head, holding her close. Neither of them said anything for a while, just holding each other in a comforting silence.
"We have the healer appointment tomorrow," Sky said softly.
Something Azriel had insisted on after their talk about having children. He was worried that the beautiful wings that sprouted from his back would mean a difficult pregnancy for her, an impossible birth…
Azriel just nodded, his face set in a grim expression. "We do," he replied, his voice tight. He was still grappling with his fears about the situation. "But no matter what, we'll face it together," he promised her fiercely.
Madja, that was the healer's name, put these fears to rest however.
"Quite frankly, it's unlikely that the child will be born with wings anyway," she told them after she had listened to Azriel's fears. "It will only be half Illyrian, after all"
"Nyx?" Azriel questioned pointedly. He had mentioned his nephew to her in this context, about him being born with wings which had nearly killed his High Fae mother throughout the birth.
"There were....circumstances around his conception, you know that," Madja said drily. "Skylar is High Fae with a dash of River Nymph. Which quite frankly, could be a point in your favour anyway."
"How so?" Sky asked curiously.
"Your bones are...bendy," Madja told her drily. "Even if the child would inherit Azriel's wings...and would have them at birth...which is unlikely in itself, your pelvis would be able to...expand enough to have the baby pass through the birth canal. However, it is more likely that any child the two of you had would be similar to the other half-illyrian you know," she told Azriel pointedly. "Being able to summon the wings at will, just like Rhysand."
Just like the High Lord?
"Really?" Sky asked, feeling a sense of relief wash over her. Azriel also appeared visibly more relaxed. "So there's a chance that our child will be born without wings?"
Madja nodded in confirmation, giving them a slight smile. "Yes, there is," she said reassuringly. "But even if that isn't the case, your Nymph ancestry would make the birth easier for you."
Azriel's hand found Sky's, squeezing it gently. She could feel his relief mirroring her own. It was a weight lifted off their shoulders to know that their baby's birth might not be as difficult as they had feared.
It was calming. Like all the puzzle pieces were slowly putting themselves together.
"Thank you, Madja," Sky said warmly. "For putting our minds at ease."
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SIRIUS BLACK | HIS FUTURE WIFE
request : Hi, this is my first time requesting so I don't really know how 😅, but can you write something with Sirius being in love with reader and basically just like jily type of love where he always follows her and calls his future wife — @moonlightwonderland
length : 1.1k
“There’s my girl,” Sirius grins, walking up to you with his arms open as if he was expecting a hug.
“I’m not your girl, Sirius,” you huff, clutching your books closer to your chest and side stepping, avoiding his arms entirely. It’s been a year since Sirius Black has decided to pursue only you and abandoned his playboy persona. Now he was a committed man. His entire focus has zeroed in on you and you hate it. You hardly used to draw any attention but now, most of the female population at Hogwarts was glaring you down. It’s not your fault Sirius Black decided to turn over a new leaf and made you his primary objective; these girls need to stop making it seem like you forced Sirius to take amortentia.
But, from the circumstances, you might as well have given him the love potion. He follows you around and does whatever he can to get your attention, even if he makes a fool of himself. He goes out of his way to buy and give you your favourite treats from Honeydukes and helpfully does your bidding wherever, whenever. It would have been a nice gesture when he brought down books from higher shelves for you that one time…if only he didn’t immediately demand a kiss as ‘thanks’ right after. He deserved being hit upside the head for that.
You just want to be left alone so you wouldn’t have to worry about constantly being stared at by envious girls or gossiping teens who had nothing better to do with their time.
“My future wife then,” Sirius’s boyish grin grows wider the instant you roll your eyes at him and stomp away, figuring a different route for your journey to class would help you avoid the rebellious teen. But Sirius is unrelenting, following after you with a skip in his step.
“Stop following me, Sirius,” you groaned and quickened your pace but it was no use. His persistence is challenging and you eventually succumb to his irritable company.
“But I don’t want to, wifey,” he protests.
“Don’t call me that, and it doesn’t matter; I want you to leave me alone,‘ you counter.
“No,”
“Yes,”
“No!”
“Yes!”
Your bickering is commonplace in the hallways and within classes now, although it’s more a legitimate argument for you and Sirius is just playing along. It truly was a mystery to everyone why the Sirius Black, notorious fuckboy and ladies man was suddenly abandoning all that for one girl. Only he knew the real reason. And it was frustrating, especially to you. He can’t just change everything about his mannerisms and force all that attention on you, his good looks, fun personality and enchanting eyes could only absolve him so much. You’d rather be dead before you ever confess that to him, though, it’ll only worsen your situation.
You did have one saving grace, however. When classes were over, you could find peace and quiet down by the black lake, teetering on the borders of the forbidden forest. This was where you had met your year-long dearest friend, Snuffles. Injured and quivering from the cold, you nursed him back to health a year ago, abandoning your classes for the day so that you could make sure he got better. You knew that dogs weren’t allowed at Hogwarts so you didn’t want to risk anything by taking him to madam Pomfrey. Thankfully, his injuries weren’t too bad at the time and he just needed some company to care for him lovingly.
“Hello handsome,” you smile upon seeing the familiar black dog through the trees of the forest. As soon as he makes eye contact with you, he bounds over with enthusiastic barks and happy tail wags, “I’m happy to see you too boy!” kneeling down, you hug him around his neck and press kisses into his soft fur, “How are we today, hm?” as if he could understand you, Snuffles barks and sits before laying down to rest his head in your lap.
Cooing at the large beast, you begin your usual pets as you delve into how your day was going, making small jokes and giving the occasional complaint over workload and stress build up. Snuffles gives a gentle whine as he paws at your thigh as if distressed over your worries and you smile warmly. He seems so human, someone that really cares about you and your wellbeing, it was nice to have.
“Thank you for worrying about me Snuffles,” you muse softly, “but I’m really okay…so long as Sirius Black stays the hell away from me,” you huff in annoyance. It’s only natural that the conversation directs itself to the man in question as he’s made himself a prominent part of your days for the last year, “ugh! He’s so infuriating,” you frown down at the black dog still resting in your lap, “he won’t leave me alone no matter how much I tell him to. He’s been doing it for a year now and I don’t know what’s gotten into him. Today, he actually called me his future wife! What’s that about?!” you groan and push your head back.
The sky is a pretty blue and you stare at it for a while before you continue, looking down when you feel a significant shift in Snuffles’s postion. The large black dog sits up and leans over to prop his head up on your shoulder and press his muzzle into your neck. He finds a sensitive spot and elicits a dulcet giggle from you, “if only he was as sweet and gentle as you, Snuffles,” you sigh, a small heat climbing up your neck and settling into your cheeks, “maybe then he could finally get me, just like he wants,” Snuffles pulls away and huffs, his version of a subtle sneeze.
“Excuse you,” you tease, reaching up to scratch at the fur on his neck before you cup his face and bring his nose close so you could boop it with your own.
“It’s a real shame, though,” you sigh, wrapping your arms around Snuffles’s neck once more and tucking your face into his fur, “his looks are exactly my type…” Snuffles stiffens under your embrace but you don’t notice, “and he has some good personality traits too…if only he wasn’t so irritating,” there was a stutter in Snuffles’s movement when you lean back and pet his head softly, “you know, he started acting strange like this after I met you, Snuffles…I-” it was just a passing thought but there was a sudden realisation that slowly consumes your features, reflecting primarily in your eyes. It doesn’t help that the large dog before you slowly morphs into the man you were just complaining about.
“Clever girl,” Sirius grins as he takes your chin in his fingers and pulls you in close, his breath ticking your lips as he continues to whisper, “I expect nothing less from my future wife,”
When he kisses you, sweet but amorously, you kiss back.
a/n : my first request! lets go! i hope i did it justice darling, and i hope everybody enjoyed the read!
navi. | more oneshots
taglist : @melinajenkins @astonishment @until-i-found-you @goodoldfashionedluvergirl @tiensmamains @celestcies @lovelydoveval @inlovewithremusjohnlupin @calums-betch @futurecorps3 @hihihi1112 @simpingforthe80s @yrluvjane @rosaleenablack
#sirius black x reader#sirius x reader#sirius black#sirius black fic#sirius black x you#sirius x you#sirius orion black#padfoot#✉️ : request
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100 Ways to say "I Care"
See the original 100 Ways to say "I Love You" list here: [x] I was inspired to make one of my own for caretaking themes 💕
"I'm here."
"Stay still."
"Trust me."
"You're safe."
"I've got you."
"I don't mind."
"I'm not mad."
"Lean on me."
"I understand."
"It's no bother."
"I'll clean it up."
"Take my coat."
"Need a hand?"
"Are you okay?"
"I'll handle this."
"Happy to help."
"Get some rest."
"Can I hug you?"
"I'll get the light."
"I can't lose you."
"Shh, don't cry..."
"My door's open."
"Take small sips."
"Stay behind me."
"I'll walk with you."
"Feel better soon."
"You're not alone."
"How'd you sleep?"
"I just want to help."
"I've got your back."
"Please be careful."
"It wasn't your fault."
"I'm a good listener."
"Let me help you up."
"When I say run, run."
"I'm glad you're okay."
"You're not a burden."
"I made your favorite."
"I'll see what I can do."
"How are you feeling?"
"We'll get through this."
"That's it, just let it out."
"I'm worried about you."
"I'll start a bath for you."
"I'm coming right back."
"I can stay up with you."
"I wish you had told me."
"It's okay to not be okay."
"Your health comes first."
"You need a ride home?"
"Sit tight, I'm on my way."
"I'm not here to hurt you."
"I'm not going anywhere."
"Just looking out for you."
"I'm sorry, I know it hurts."
"Let me worry about that."
"Stay as long as you want."
"I'll take care of everything."
"It's fine, I'll take the couch."
"I came as soon as I heard."
"You really gave us a scare."
"I'm not leaving you behind."
"I'm never too busy for you."
"I'll stay until you fall asleep."
"You don't have to apologize."
"Do you want to talk about it?"
"It's okay, it was just a dream."
"You ready to eat something?"
"Don't strain yourself, I'll get it."
"I've missed seeing you smile."
"Do you need another blanket?"
"You didn't deserve any of this."
"Follow my breathing. In...out..."
"Don't scare me like that again."
"I'll wake you in a couple hours."
"It's really me. I'm here, I'm real."
"I won't let them near you again."
"You first, I'll be right behind you."
"Do you want me to go with you?"
"I know I don't have to. I want to."
"You can hold my hand if it helps."
"I've got your next round of meds."
"Let me put on some fresh sheets."
"It's good to see you up and about."
"I'm with you every step of the way."
"I'll be outside if you need anything."
"Hey, you're supposed to be resting."
"You're the strongest person I know."
"Is there anyone you want me to call?"
"If you're not up for this, let me know."
"It's nothing to be embarrassed about."
"I just hate to see you hurting like this."
"Tell me what you need most right now."
"I called off work. You've got me all day."
"You've got my emergency contact info."
"I know you. You don't seem like yourself."
"I have a change of clothes ready for you."
"I'm so proud of you, and how far you've come."
"Call me if you need me. I don't care how late it is."
"They want to get to you, they'll have to go through me."
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hc!friends to lovers
natalie scatorccio x fem!reader
summary: going from friends to lovers with nat
warnings: golden retriever gf x black cat gf dynamic, nat is secretly a softie, drugs and mommy/daddy issues mentions, cursing, pure fluff, not proofread
𖧊 to this day, nat still has no idea on how you two became friends. you were too different
𖧊 it started with you complimenting her makeup once and she was so rude cause she thought you were making fun of her
𖧊 “your eyeliner is so pretty,” you tried to be nice just to receive a “fuck off” and a middle finger right to your face. you were flabbergasted! you were just trying to be nice to a pretty blonde girl and now you were her enemy?
𖧊 your huge smile disappeared in seconds and when nat realized you weren’t mocking her, she got desperate. “oh, shit. you were actually serious?”
𖧊 she was constantly being slutshamed and harassed by the mean students and the idea of being complimented by you didn’t even make it to her head
𖧊 you were too sweet for her taste. too smiley, too happy, too soft and too excited. her words, not mine. but damn, you were pretty
𖧊 not that she would ever tell you that, but being friends with you was better than spending her days alone or with the other two guys she had for friends but were nothing but drug buddies
𖧊 “dude, what the fuck is that?” she grunts at the second you show her one of your favorite songs by backstreet boys “it’s so cheesy!”
𖧊 you held her arms and made her dance with you and she was so embarrassed and tried to brush it off by complaining a lot but her eyes didn’t lie. she kinda enjoyed that
𖧊 then, late at night when she’s unable to sleep, she secretly listen to the too happy and annoying shit type of songs you liked just to think of you :(
𖧊 she eventually found herself enjoying the cranberries, spice girls and lots of your catchy pop or soft songs while doing chores and would never forgive herself for that
𖧊 at first, nat was easily annoyed by you. by your overwhelming enthusiasm and positivity and how you would always see the good in others even if they didn’t deserve
𖧊 however, that didn’t mean you wouldn’t speak up for her. if anyone was caught talking shit about nat, you were always the first one to have her back. “excuse me? hi. that’s my friend you are talking about and you might wanna apologize to her right now!”
𖧊 bless your heart you really tried to be scary like her. at least the intention was there right
𖧊 “i don’t need you to defend me,” she was already snarling at you but you could see in her eyes that she didn’t mean that. she just didn’t like being vulnerable in front of others
𖧊 nat was tough, she could take care of herself. you knew that but you couldn’t let anyone be mean to her
𖧊 “i know, but i care about you!” “yeah, whatever 🙄🙂”
𖧊 and it worked the other way around as well. a single threatening glance of nat was enough to make anyone scared of even saying your name. yes, you were a pain in her ass but she was the only one who could say that
𖧊 “but you just said she was annoying,” her friend kevin defends himself from her scary look. “don’t call her that, asshole”
𖧊 nat couldn’t invite you over to her house trailer so you would usually hang out at your house or secret places she knew
𖧊 nat is a really lonely and independent person and that’s a consequence of her unstable childhood. running away from the mess she had for parents, she eventually discovered a nice small park with pretty trees around and thought it would be the perfect hiding spot
𖧊 smoking with nat? obviously a must. you would give her the old speech saying that it was terrible for her physical and mental health (🤓☝️) even if you were 100% sure that she wasn't listening and was just giving you ironic commments. "you don't say, princess"
𖧊 deep down, very deep down, she appreciated you
𖧊 “kevin told me he caught you listening to backstreet boys yesterday” you smile at her, watching her messy bleached hair cover half of her face as she smokes
𖧊 “fucking kevin,” she mutters under her breath and it’s the perfect opportunity to play around with her. “aren’t you gonna deny it? wow, you must really like me, nat”
𖧊 “shut up, princess.”
𖧊 it was meant to be ironic but since the first time she called you that, you two were sure that it was nothing but a caring nickname and you were a complete sucker for it
𖧊 spending time together became a casual thing and as essential as breathing. that didn’t go unnoticed
𖧊 showing up to support her on a game day or just practice, holding a big sign with her name written with gliter gel pens and smiley faces and cheering so loud that people near you had to cover their ears
𖧊 thanks to that, she was so flustered that couldn't focus on the actual game
𖧊 classically, the yellowjackets would always make fun of her when you were around but especially when you weren’t. “are you happy that your girlfriend came to see you today?” van teases nat and suddenly she became their favorite subject to talk about
𖧊 “she’s not my fucking girlfriend!” she flips them off and storms off to hide how unbelievably red her cheeks were
𖧊 nat didn't take long to realize she felt different about you. but her doing your eyeliner to match her after you insisted didn't help. it was pretty hard to mantain her toughness when you were lying in bed with her on top, straddling you with face so close that you could smell the blunt in her breath
𖧊 "thanks, nat. what do you think?" you ask when she's done
𖧊 "not bad. thanks to me, obviously," she acts casually but she's like 🧍🏼♀️😊😮💨😵 seeing you with her goth ass makeup
𖧊 being jealous of you near anyone who would say hi to you was also a clear sign
𖧊 going from friends to lovers with nat would be something hard for her at first. she isn't used to trusting people that much. loving someone? what was she thinking?!
𖧊 this means that she would definitely push you away, intentionally or not, and would act weird for days until you finally confronted her
𖧊 and she tries to be rude to make you leave but it doesn’t work. eventually she opens up about her feelings, shaking and at the verge of tears, and you hug her tightly
𖧊 “i like you too, nat”
𖧊 holds your chin when kissing you 😵💫
𖧊 jealous girlfriend that was always there to keep an eye on you but wouldn’t say the words “i’m jealous” even if her life depended on it
𖧊 dating nat meant her having part time jobs to save money for weeks just to buy you something nice for your birthday or to take you to a special place in a special occasion. you cried like a baby
𖧊 you were aware that she struggled with money and you weren't rich either, so you kept things discreet. you would come to her with a tape with lots of songs that reminded you of her, "nat, you won't believe what i made you!"
𖧊 “i have no idea, baby..." but she definitely did cause you would do that at least twice a month
𖧊 she would be the first one to say “i love you” accidentally and got so stressed trying to fix her mistake with a cough but you had heard her and was freaking out, smile from ear to ear
𖧊 “you’re a moron, i love you” it took her five seconds to go from 😁 to 😧
𖧊 “i love you too.”
𖧊 when it comes to affection, i feel like she would be hesitant at first, not knowing what to do. having sex with random people was really different from wanting to show her love for you, it was harder
𖧊 realistically, nat wouldn't be the touchy type. she never really experienced affection from her parents (at least not in a long time), so it would be something new, but wouldn't be opposed to it once she realized how comforting it felt
𖧊 100% touch starved. you stroke her cheek once and she's tearing up already
𖧊 pretends to be bothered but always melts completely when you kiss her and loves to hold hands and intertwine fingers
𖧊 not everything was perfect and sharing feelings wasn’t easy for her. either way, you were always there for her, listening to her talk about her shitty parents or just comforting her after a bad day
BONUS!!!
𖧊 if the iconic barbie movie was released in the 90s, you would BEG her to wear pink clothes to go to the movies together and she would deny it every single time
𖧊 “but it would be so cute! we would match 🥺” you insisted, knowing that she was so close to cave in
𖧊 “it’s gonna make me look stupid, i don’t wear pink. quit it, princess,” nat nods, convinced that you would eventually forget about it
𖧊 a week later, nat is found at the movie theater looking like a damn flamingo
𖧊 “what happened to you? met an unicorn on the way here?” shauna mocks her as soon as she sees the blondie wearing a bright pink suit and black boots, matching your same color dress
𖧊 “shut up,” she gives them her middle finger
𖧊 “happy wife, happy life,” tai murmurs and she just nods, defeated. shauna, tai and van, all in pink thanks to your incessant pleas, followed her to get the tickets while you and jackie were excitedly buying snacks and pink popcorn containers shaped like barbie’s car
𖧊 (she definitely cried at the end and you had to kiss her tears away)
#had a hard time making this not angsty#yellowjackets#yellowjackets x reader#natalie scatorccio x reader#natalie scatorccio
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It's ok to feel like shit.
You don't need toxic positivity to manifest or to shift
The language in this mostly addresses manifestation but it is applicable to both LOA and shifting.
I have been getting a lot of questions that generally boil down to "it really hurts right now, what do I do"
I think in some ways a lot of people have internalized this belief that they have to feel good and happy and motivated 100% of the time if they want it to work.
Couldn't be more wrong.
So many people respond to genuine questions with "well just don't 🤪". I know that's not how they mean it and I don't blame them one bit but as someone who has been mentally ill I know how it makes you think and I know that's how most people feel when they hear it.
It's ok to feel like shit. No you don't need to feel happy to manifest. You don't have to feel like you just won the lottery every five seconds of your day to manifest winning it.
You are not cursed to never manifest just because you have strong emotional reactions to things.
It's ok to hurt. Take a deep breath and remind yourself that while your feelings are absolutely valid and deserve the space to be felt they are not the authority on your reality.
Our brains naturally want to make sense of what we're feeling but it often leads us to thinking the way we're feeling is evidence of what will happen next.
"I feel awful and I don't like how often I'm feeling it" often leads us into thinking "nothing is ever going to work for me", but it's important to ground ourselves and realize that feeling like shit is not divine undeniable proof that it isn't going to work.
Feeling like shit just means you feel like shit, nothing more.
Sometimes we feel awful so we self sabotage and then say "see I was right", when really we're just a self fulfilling prophecy.
You don't want to be right, you want the comfort of having your emotions validated and seen.
Holding space for yourself to feel things and feel them deeply is important to our spiritual physical and mental health. However, saying that assigning meaning to it isn't good for you.
Keep fucking going. It's ok to affirm even though you feel like shit. Feeling like shit is not "evidence" that it's "not going to work".
Self discipline is knowing to regulate yourself and validate your emotions without affirming the opposite of what you want.
Self discipline is not beating yourself up and restricting yourself heavily. It is checking yourself when needed.
#loa blog#loa manifesting#loass#loa tumblr#loablr#loassblog#loassumption#loa advice#loa assumptions#loas tumblr#loa#manifesation#shiftblr#shifting antis dni#reality shifting#shifting community#shifting#shifting realities#shifting reality#desired reality#reality shift
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LOVESICK POTENTIAL: sung jinwoo
pairing: yandere!sjw/reader
UNFINISHED incoherent drabble brainrot on yandere!sjw hahaha... this is so unfinished but it fried my brain so badly all i can do is draw this out later because i cant write for long periods of time 😒 also english isn't my first language so this is really ERRR not good also no proofreading we die raw
tw: froth and nothing much
BEFORE THE DUNGEON EVENT:
This era of jinwoo was so cute he looked so squishy I'm biting my bedsheets. This time is the perfect moment where jinwoo gets his reasons on why he's a little cuckoo over [y.name].
Jinwoo always came home covered in bruises and maybe with a dent in his mental health. I mean not only you face life threatening monsters but you also face the words of your fellow hunters that consists of demeaning and degrading your whole existence does horriblewonders to Jinwoo's mental health! After when his mother came out of the picture by falling ill to the Eternal Slumber, Jinwoo had to face the expectations on becoming the breadwinner and help to keep his family a float.
Jinwoo doesn't have ambitions or anything during this time, not when he's too focused on trying to feed Jinah and pay the bills. He's a blank pitiful slate who's being driven by desperation and the promise he made to his mother to take care of his sister. He doesn't have anyone to turn to and he can't tell what he's experiencing to his sister because that'll make her worry for him! Jinwoo doesn't want his sister to flunk her studies because he made her worry for him... so he's basically alone.
Until you come in to the picture. [y.name] one of the few people who saw him as a person instead of some weak pitiful excuse of a hunter. It doesn't really matter how you meet Jinwoo, whether it be through connections, after a dungeon raid, or you randomly meeting him on the street, what matters is how you perceive him as a person and how you turn his miserable world upside down.
When [y.name] entered his life, it felt like a ball of light entered his dim world but not as if [y.name] was extremely energetic or what not. It was more like that [y.name] ignited something within Jinwoo. [y.name] would stop by and talk to Jinwoo, solidifying his self as a person. They would talk about ideals and goals and even encourage Jinwoo to maybe create his own when they found out that he didn't had any of his own. Jinwoo felt so warm inside whenever he'd spent time with [y.name]. He felt so inexplicably happy.
Jinwoo decided that [y.name] is his goal and the driving force of his ambitions.
Jinwoo limped a bit as he walked towards his small apartment he shared with his sister. It was what remained when his mother was sent to the hospital for falling ill. He groaned silently as he clenched his arm that was throbbing in pain. Even after being recently healed by Joohee, he could still feel the pain of his arm being battered to smithereens.
He wondered how many dungeon raids left till he'll perish by the hands of some low ranking monster.
The young man approached his door before suddenly being called out by a familiar voice. Jinwoo turned around and his bleak mood was changed into a more joyful one.
"Jinwoo! I caught 'ya this time!" [y.name] giggled as they skipped over to Jinwoo, a small mischievous smile plastered on their features. Jinwoo chuckled at [y.name]'s words as he admired [y.name]. He wondered what did he do in his life to meet [y.name]
Jinwoo hoped that the next dungeon raid isn't the one where he'll perish by the hands of a monster.
AFTER THE DUNGEON EVENT:
Jinwoo would probably avoid contacting [y.name]. After realizing he has a new opportunity to get stronger. His mental health before wasn't the best, he often thought he was pulling [y.name] back and has this mindset that he didn't deserve any of the kindness he was receiving from anyone especially from [y.name]
But now? he has now the chance to pay them all back by becoming stronger and become someone they can all rely on. So randomly... he'll just disappear from [y.name]'s life randomly. Jinwoo feels horrible but he isn't ready to face [y.name] again but he promises to himself that he'll meet his darling[y.name] soon.
Jinwoo would admire [y.name] from afar and sometimes do this just for the sake of answering to his personal question of: "I wonder how are they doing now?". Jinwoo is aware how much it hurts to [y.name] that he randomly disappeared from their life without a word especially how worried they were for him.
When Jinwoo finally deems he's prepared and worthy enough to face [y.name] he almost forgotten how different he looked when he last met [y.name]. Jinwoo almost scared [y.name] away when a devilishly handsome tall young man approached them with a bouquet of flowers in hand. Thankfully, [y.name] recognized the man from the slightly meek demeanor he showed.
Maybe after a few more meetups and catch ups, [y.name] would notice the many changes on Jinwoo's overall.. being? like aside from the fact he's now built like a sculpture made by the gods, he's more confident and charming?.. Jinwoo of course didn't miss the way how [y.name] would quiet down and stare at Jinwoo, taking note every little different detail on Jinwoo. This fed the hunter's ego and was proud how his hardwork paid off.
While [y.name] was admiring Jinwoo, they didn't notice how Jinwoo added a few of his shadows into [y.name]'s shadow. His love for [y.name] during their absence has doubled a thousand fold and the lengths he'd go for [y.name] is now boundless. Jinwoo's goal of achieving [y.name] might not be impossible anymore if he pushed himself a bit more just like what [y.name] says.
After meeting up with Jinwoo, [y.name] bid the hunter goodbye as they exited the cafe. [y.name] was pleasantly joyful that Jinwoo didn't forgotten about them and met up with them again after a few years but this still didn't made [y.name] pissed off over the fact he basically ghosted them for a few years too!
[y.name] walked down the cold street that was dimly lit up by the lamp posts around the area. They shivered a bit as they tried to warm up their hands by shoving one of them in their trenchcoat's pocket. [y.name] was on their phone when they suddenly bumped into a man by accident.
"ow.. oh? I'm sorry I didn't notice you there I'm really sorr—" [y.name] stammered out as they bowed their head in apology but then they felt a hand pushing them hard enough to be stumble back into a lamp pole, hitting their back pretty hard. The man reached out to [y.name]'s trenchcoat's pocket and pulling out their purse then he ran away with their purse in hand.
"agh! what the- my purse?!" [y.name] yelled as they rubbed their back to ease the throbbing pain as they tried to run after the robber.
Unfortunately for [y.name] he was fast on his feet and after for a while they lost him. [y.name] panted as they decided to not give up yet and looked around the now lightless and eerie street, it seems like the robber ran into a more abandoned side of the city.
[y.name] roamed around the street and would peak occasionally inside of alleyways hoping to catch the man but much to their dismay, they haven't seen any glimpses or hints. They mindlessly walked around, slowly losing hope until they heard a quick shriek then a hard thump from a nearby alleyway. A cold sweat went down their neck as they froze in place... Did something happen?
[y.name]'s eyes narrowed down on the alleyway where they assumed the sound originated from. They contemplated for a bit whether they should check it out before they decided to see what it was, clinging on the possibility it might be their purse. [y.name] slowly peeked their head in the alleyway and immediately gasped at the sight.
The man who stole their purse on floor, wriggling in pain before a dark figure. Froth was coming out of his mouth as dark inky shadows circled around his throat. His ankles looked twisted but in a very unnatural degree that it looked grotesque.[y.name]'s eyes shakily looked at the soon to be a corpse then up to the figure who was holding their purse. They blinked blankly at the figure.. [y.name] recognized him?!
"Jin..woo?..." [y.name] murmured underneath their breath as the figure looked up to see [y.name] who was pretty shaken up. The light finally hits the figure's and it revealed it was indeed Jinwoo... but he had this soulless glint in his eyes that suddenly brighten up at the sight of [y.name]
"ah. [y.name]" He called out as he walked past the struggling man and approached [y.name] who took a step back away from Jinwoo. This made his heart wrench.
"don't. don't move away. it's dangerous at this time, you shouldn't be alone" Jinwoo continued as he was finally in front of a terrified [y.name]
"you shouldve accepted my offer walking you home"
#starz.babblez#solo leveling sung jin woo#solo leveling#sung jin woo#sung jinwoo#sjw#solo leveling x reader#sung jinwoo x reader#sjw x reader#yandere sung jinwoo#yandere sung jin woo#yandere solo leveling#drabble#I'd do a more messed up concept its just.... i cant write.... i can draw it tho 😈#also feed me too with yandere sjw pls pls pls#this is my contribution to the yandere tag#yandere
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Downhearted | E.M
Cw: reader with bad mental health (depression/anxiety), bestfriend!Eddie x fem!reader, hurt/comfort, smut 18+ Eddie takes care of reader.
2.4k (this was suppose to be a blurb… oops)
Recently, you have been feeling very low, and despite your best efforts, you are struggling to get back to your usual self. However, your best friend Eddie has not given up on you. He has been by your side, trying to uplift your mood and bring back your smile, but nothing seems to work. Eddie has tried everything in his power to help you, from taking you out for lunch to watching funny movies together, but once you are on your own, everything seems to be crashing down on you even harder.
Your friend is worried about you and wants to see you happy again. He understands how challenging it is to deal with mental health issues and how it can affect your life. That's why he has come up with a last-ditch plan to lift your spirits and make you feel better. He hopes that this plan will work and bring a smile to your face once again.
To make things worse, you have been distancing yourself from your friends for weeks now, and you feel terrible about it. You feel like you're letting them down, especially Eddie, who has been there for you through thick and thin. He has come over at least three times a week since your mental health started to deteriorate again, and he has never given up on you.
This isn't the first time your mental health has plummeted, but this time, it's worse than ever before. You don't even have the energy to try and get better, and you feel like everything is falling apart around you. However, Eddie's unwavering support and his last-ditch plan to lift your spirits give you hope that things will get better soon.
Living alone didn’t help. You would go days without talking to someone, and that only made things worse. So Eddie made it his mission to be there for you. You’ve always been there for him; it’s the least he can do.
You haven’t left your bed today or all week. You’ve been on your phone all day but not really doing anything; you’re numb. Not even videos of kittens could make you feel anything.
You’ve been ignoring Eddie's pleas to help you. Text after text, his contact would pop up, but you paid no mind. So when you hear the knock on your door, you groan, knowing it’s him. You want to do anything but get up, but how could you leave your best friend standing out there? The thought made you sick to your stomach. You don’t deserve him. He’s too good to you, and all you do is bring him down with you.
As you sniffle back your tears and your inner demons, you wrap yourself in your blanket and pad your way slowly to the door.
You open it, and Eddie’s smile falls when he sees you. You haven’t looked at yourself in over a week, and you also haven’t showered in over a week. As Eddie takes in your state, a small, heartbroken “sweetheart” leaves his lips.
He felt so guilty for not being able to visit you last week. He’d been working doubles and was exhausted. Today was his first day off in six days, and he was so excited to spend time with you.
Your vision blurs as you see Eddie standing there with a bag of groceries with food, actual nutrition that you've been depriving yourself of, only aiding your demons.
He drops the bag and wraps his arms around your frail frame, and you break.
“I don’t know what's wrong with me?” Your voice cracks. You can’t remember the last time you spoke words aloud.
Your breath is shaky, and you tremble as you feel Eddie’s strong arms wrapped around you.
His familiar smell only calms you a little, but you’re so exhausted you can no longer hold it together.
He coos you and strokes your greasy hair, not caring how dirty it feels. He understands, he knows.
“Come, let’s get you feeling a little better, ok?”
“I can’t,” your voice shakes.
“Yes, I’ll be right here to help, okay?” He cups your face, gently forcing you to look into his eyes.
He walks you to the kitchen table, and he begs you to drink some water and eat the sandwich he brought over for you.
While you eat, you see Eddie unpack the groceries and then go to your room. A few minutes later, he comes out to throw your sheets in the washer and pulls a fresh pair from your linen closet.
You finish eating as much as you can when Eddie returns from making your bed.
Eddie coerced you to the bathroom. He helps you brush your teeth and convinces you to shower, not daring to joke about how you smell. You say you will as long as he stays in there with you.
Washing yourself was too much to do on your own. So he stood on the other side of the curtain, and you just stood there under the hot water, unable to move.
“Sweetheart? You doing okay?”
Your tears are camouflaged, but your gasps aren’t.
“N-no”
“Do… do you want me to help?” He cringes.
You don’t answer, and it worries Eddie. Had he overstepped? You were naked behind the thin material separating you.
Eddie waits for a few more beats; his heart is pounding. But he releases his breath when he sees your hand push the curtain aside to invite him in.
Nothing would be able to prepare him for the sight before his eyes. You had already started but didn’t get far; some soap suds had already been spread across your chest.
He tried hard to ignore how the blood flow immediately started flowing south. This was not the time to get a boner.
You watched how Eddie removed his shirt and pants in a daze. He kept on his boxers, but you could see the small tent forming.
You didn’t even care that you were naked in front of your best friend because you felt nothing.
You just wanted to feel something.
Eddie stepped in with you and pulled the shower curtain closed. It was so intimate; you and Eddie hadn’t been this close in this way before. But you trusted one another, and there was no awkwardness or hesitation once Eddie squeezed the shampoo in his hands and started.
I felt Eddie’s fingers massage your scalp, and it was nice. The last time someone took care of you like this was when you were a child when you were not old enough to do it yourself.
Eddie ensured that everything was rinsed properly, and then he moved on to the conditioner. He made sure to saturate all your hair before he took the loofa and your body wash.
Now this, was where Eddie got a little nervous. He didn’t want to overstep.
As you stood there, almost catatonic, he lifted your arms to get your armpits, then he ran the soap down your arms, across your back and down your legs, avoiding your more intimate areas.
“You think you can help me out, sweetheart?”
You slowly nod your head, and he passes you the saturated loofa.
Eddie watches as you run it across your chest, lifting a breast to get underneath. Eddie tries not to, but he can’t help but feel aroused. He tries to push it away, but the last thing he wants is to make you uncomfortable.
He knows you trust him; you’re asking him to help you in your darkest hour.
He shifts, trying to avoid your gaze; it’s only making things harder. Literally.
He pushes away those thoughts and makes sure you’re fully rinsed off. He turns off the water for you and goes to get your towel. He’s soaked, but he doesn’t care; your wellbeing will come first, even if he’s sprouting goosebumps along his flesh.
He takes your hand to guide you out of the tub. You feel slightly better, but it’s not enough.
When a thought pops into your head, you don’t care if it’s stupid, so you act on it without giving it any more thought.
You reach out and graze your hand over Eddie’s soaked boxers. They are taught to his skin, not hide anything, and you can see he’s ready and willing to go.
He steps back at the sudden touch.
“Please, Eddie, I need to feel something, anything. I don’t know what else to do” you sobbed.
As you stand there, feeling lost and alone, Eddie's embrace envelops you, pulling you in closer. In this moment, you know that you are not alone and that your friend is there to support you through thick and thin. Eddie's hug is so tight; he needs you to know that he would let nothing in the world hurt you. You close your eyes and breathe in deeply, grateful for your friend's unwavering support.
“Shhhhhh y/n, it’s okay. I have you.” He wraps the fluffy bath towel around your body, keeping you warm.
“Please Eddie”
“You’re sure?”
“Yes. I won’t let this change anything between us, I swear.”
“Okay, sweetheart. Okay,” he didn’t know if this was a good idea, but he had to do something to make you feel better; he would do anything for you; he would get the moon for you if there was a way. So he will do this for you.
He surprises you by lifting you up bridal style and carrying you to the bedroom. He's much stronger than you thought as he gently placed you down on your fresh sheets.
“Tell me if you want to stop, okay?”
“I promise, Eddie.” You nod.
Slowly, Eddie leans down to kiss you gently. The mint toothpaste still lingers on your breath. His lips feel so soft; it’s nice to be kissed.it's nice to be kissed by Eddie.
You feel his lips detach from yours, moving across your cheek and lowering your neck. The water from his hair trickled into your skin, making you shiver.
Eddie wanted to know your body, what made you tick, what made you moan, what made you needy with desire. He focused on the side of your neck and was proud when he found a spot that made you whimper.
“That okay, sweetheart?”
“Mmhmmm”
He could feel your chest rise and fall with heavy breaths. He could see he was getting you worked up the way you needed.
His timid fingers spread your legs wider so he could feel you and to Eddie’s surprise, you were still dry. He thought he would feel your slick as he slowly rubbed your pussy, but it wasn’t there.
“I uh- um. I don’t think you’re enjoying this.” he sits back, a bit defeated. This hasn’t happened to him before.
“It’s not you, Eddie; it’s me. I-I want to... You’re doing good; it’s just that sometimes girls need help if they’re like… this…”
“Oh,” Eddie understands, you're still in your head,” Eddie understands, you.
“I have lube and condoms in the nightstand”
Eddie reaches over you to grab it. The crack of the hard plastic lid is so loud in the silent room that you flinch a little.
“Sorry”
“It’s okay,” you whisper. Suddenly you’re very aware you’re naked in front of your best friend, but that is brushed to the side when you feel his slippery fingers make contact with your pussy once again.
“Ohhhh,” you breathe in.
Eddie smirks and leans in to kiss you once again. You feel his tongue slick its way past your lips; who knew he was such a good kisser.
Slowly, minute by minute, you’re actually feeling something—pleasure. Eddie brings you back to life with each touch, brush, and kiss.
“Eddie,” you moan as his fingers slip inside you.
“Yes, sweetheart?”
“More,” you pant.
You don’t have to tell him twice. He will do anything to make you feel better, which seems to be working. He rips open the condom, and you surprise him by reaching up to cup his balls. He gasps, and a smirk spreads across your face for the first time in weeks.
“I knew there was a little freak you were hiding from me.” Eddie laughs, and he pulls one out of you as well. His heart swells when he hears the sound leave your lips.
“There’s my girl,” so much relief is behind his eyes.
“Hi, Eddie.” You look up at him like he’s given you all the stars in the sky.
“You still want to do this?”
“Yes.”
“Okay,” he brushes your wet hair behind your ear and softly kisses you. It becomes needy quickly, and desperation takes over both of you.
It didn’t matter that you were only best friends, that you weren’t okay, that he was in just as much pain as you were. All that mattered was one another, two physical entities in your own little world. Your mind was completely erased; for a moment, you finally forgot everything weighing down on you.
Eddie continues to kiss you as he guides himself in slowly. You can’t help but take a deep breath as he pushes his way in.
As Eddie entered you, you melted into his touch. Nothing could have made you feel this good. He was consuming every inch of your being. With every brush, every thrust, every nip, kiss and bite, you were coming alive again.
Eddie’s hands travel all along your body, squeezing your breasts, tweaking your nipples, making you twitch and grind up into Eddie’s touch. Your hips are ungulate with his, and your moments become one as you and Eddie perform the perfect dance.
The past picks up faster and faster. Eddie brushes the spot inside you every single time, and you’re crying out his name.
Eddie can’t believe he’s making you feel this good, this wanted. His beautiful best friend was here helping you, holding you, and doing this for you.
“Eddie, please”
“Let go, baby”
The pet name accidentally slipped past his lips and didn’t go unnoticed. It only aided your orgasm to come that much quicker.
A wave of pleasure crashed over you as it washed through your whole body without warning.
Eddie watched as he was the one who made your body quiver, to make your eyes roll back, to have you silently screaming for him. He couldn’t hold on anymore, either. Your cunt clamped down so tightly on his cock he shook as he spilled into the condom.
His sweaty body collapses on you, and the only thing you can hear is your erratic breaths.
“Thank you, Eddie,” you sniffle, and Eddie quickly pops his head up because you’re crying once again.
“Baby, please don’t cry. I can’t take it anymore.” he holds your face, wiping away your tears with his thumbs.
“No, it's- it's happy tears; you helped me feel something. I thought I was broken. Thank you, Teddie.”
“I’ll always be here for you; I love you, sweetheart."
You didn’t care if he only meant platonically or romantically; he was your person forever and always.
“I love you too.”
Tagging some mooties!: @nailbatanddungeon @taintedcigs @hellfirenacht @littlexdeaths @andvys @rebelfell @xxbimbobunnyxx @rowanswriting @voyeurmunson @asimpforthe80s @mmunson86 @slutty-thevampireslayer @strangerstilinski
#eddie munson x reader#eddie munson x you#eddie munson smut#Eddie Munson x depressed reader#eddie munson x female reader#eddie munson x best friend reader#eddie munson x y/n#eddie munson x fem!reader smut#eddie munson comfort#eddie munson angst#bestfriend!eddie munson#modern!eddie munson#modern!eddie x reader
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Doctor's Obsession
Yan! Doctor Zhongli x Therapist Reader
Slight Suggestive please be warned
Yan! Doctor Zhongli is the first doctor you have befriended during your first month as a therapist. You have known him far longer than that. you have known him from your first college days, he is the most respected senior on campus and also the most elegant gentleman and genius upcoming doctor on the field. You only got to know him in your freshman year since he was already graduating that time so You only admire him from afar and nothing more.
Yan! Doctor Zhongli Who actually knows you, the very cute freshman who actually caught his attention all those years ago.
Yan! Doctor Zhongli Who has been supporting you silently and admiring you secretly from afar. [ of course, you didnt know that] He who just anonymously helps you through all your debts and even secretly gifts you here and there but not that obvious that it will catch your attention.
Yan! Doctor Zhongli Who actually is the one who recommended you in this asylum so that he will be able to get close to you. And he will be able to watch you 24/7. He now can touch you, stare at you for longer hours, and of course, he can watch who is interested in you and dispose of the said trash.
Yan! Doctor Zhongli messed up once because in your 4th year of college, you got a boyfriend, and he was furious about it. Of course not to you, but to that TRASH who keeps hanging out with you. Tainting you with his dirty hands, his sweet poor little angel, he is of course gonna save you.
Yan! Doctor Zhongli who secretly slips something into your boyfriend's drink someday and your boyfriend suddenly needs to go to the hospital to get treated. HE who secretly kills your boyfriend and disguises it as a failed operation.
Yan! Doctor Zhongli who meets you [secretly stalks you does not count] finally for the first time and tells you about your boyfriend's progress in health how severe it is and how dangerous his condition is. And even comforted you when you got the sad news of your now-dead boyfriend.
Yan! Doctor Zhongli since then he Occasionally asks you out for tea and even asks you about your personal life.
Yan! Doctor Zhongli is happy to become a friend of yours and it will develop more and more as he will make sure of that.
Yan! Doctor Zhongli When watching you interact with some patients, who become too touchy with you, he keeps an eye on them for your sake. And after that tells you the bad news about their death. [Rip dead patients]
Yan! Doctor Zhongli actually keeps a laboratory hidden behind the walls so that you won't be able to see how gruesome it is. How he tortures those patients because you interact with them more than you interact with him.
Yan! Doctor Zhongli sees you as an angel and even a goddess because of how he worships you secretly. And to those you will taint you may they be innocent or criminal he will sure put them to judgment and persecute them for they are filthy.. no they are not deserving of your love and attention at all. ONLY he is.
Yan! Doctor Zhongli who keeps a hidden room in his house full of your pictures since your freshman years. all SECRETLY taken without any of your consent.
Suggestive content
Yan! Doctor Zhongli who gets turned on whenever you are so close to him. as he smells how sweet and enchanting your perfume is and how good you look close up. how he will never stop eye fucking you in his mind all day long.
Yan! Doctor Zhongli He who jerks off on your pictures and he even has you naked in some of it [of course you will never know about that]
"hnngg~ y/n~ ahhhh~ ngg~ you~ lookngg ahhh~~ so sexy~ my darling~~ "
Yan! Doctor Zhongli who loves it when you sit on his lap and he will surely drag it in his mind for days on end.
"Just ~ ehhahhhh~~ sit ~ gnnn~ how good~ would-ahhh~~ you~ feel-~ like~ nggg~"
Yan! Doctor Zhongli REAAALLLYY LOVES your curves secretly and even would loves to be suffocated by them. Who will surely shamelessly beg if he has to.
Yan! Doctor Zhongli is Jealous whenever you interact with patient 001 because he knows how insane Childe is. He will never stop pestering threatening Childe to stop his obsession with you.
Yan! Doctor Zhongli Who is mad when patient 001 starts to become more and more bold and even shamelessly masturbating infront of you in his cell. of course Yan! Doctor Zhongli knows about it since he watches through the camera of his cell. to make sure you are safe but now he will surely dispose of Childe for good.
Yan! Doctor Zhongli who starts to notice how other patients are also acting strangely affectionate to you..and he DOES NOT like it.
Yan! Doctor Zhongli Who will start to isolate you from other doctors and even patients. even though you act against it since he is your higher-up supervisor you have no choice but to follow.
Yan! Doctor Zhongli will keep you by his side, inside his office, and will not let you meet other patients or even to other doctors.
Yan! Doctor Zhongli who will make you his secretary rather than a therapist to filthy people.
"why not be my personal therapist y/n?" he asked
Yan! Doctor Zhongli who starts to act strange around you and even affectionate at times. And when no end he will also start to show his possessiveness and affection obsession to wards you.
Yan! Doctor Zhongli who locks you up in his office and even has a secret built-in chain on his office just for you and only you to use.
" You will be safe here darling~ don't worry as long as you are here by my side nobody will get hurt~ As long as you are here by my side I will love you forever and spoil you "
you are trying to break of the chain
"Darling dont do that you will hurt yourself" Zhongli sweetly tells you like an adult telling a child that sweets are bad for your teeth.
You glare harder, trying to be intimidating but sadly Zhongli only sees it cute and lovely how you intently stare and observe him.
"darling~ dont make me use drugs to make you pass out~" he brushes his hands on your cheeks grabs it by the side and makes you look deep in eyes.
With his threat, you stop squirming out of him and just fearfully stare at his deep golden eyes. all you can do is nod your head.
"good girl~ such a Good girl for me~ " he kisses your right cheek
"dont worry now darling I'm sure you are going to love it here, forever and ever. I will make sure of it. You will love it here in your new home and with your new husband and we will have children~ how many would you like? this daddy will provide for you darling~"
"So would you please follow orders from your one and only trusted doctor please~? "
Darling why don't you stay~ you have nowhere to go, after all, don't worry he will take care of you, spoil you, make you his and so full of his children.
He will take care of you Darling~ dont worry about anything at all, just think about him and only him after all, he has been waiting for the longest time for this .. FOR YOU to be His and only HIS.
suggestive content
After he takes control of you and chains you to his side forever be reminded that day after day, night after night you will be nothing but exhausted and tired from all his pounding again and again and again. non-stop because he truly has been waiting and dreaming for you to be in front of him stripped and all on show for his eyes to see and to love be in his mercy as you kept begging him about how overstimulated everything is. after all, he likes it when you are acting like a whore in front of him and cock drunk from all he has given for you. BUT he won't stop until he is satisfied and sees everything is in place. an image of you so full of his cum and looks so tasty and hmm~ fuck up~ by him~ don't worry darling he will truly love you and he will enjoy his meal after all his waiting~ so please let him have his meal [you] will you darling~
Ars : I give thanks to people who likes my last post Ms. therapist and my new upcoming ideas about yandere childe and yandere adventurine! I was really shock about reaching 200+ likes THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! and to my new Followers thank you for following! it really means everything to me and to people who reblogs my post THANK YOU VERY MUCH!! For more update this yandere genshin x therapist reader will hopefully be a long project for me since I truly have plenty of ideas in my pocket. if you like to keep following on the updates I have a separate post master list for it named ASYLUM PROJECT
THANK YOU VERY MUCH! YOU ALL MADE ME CRY!!! 😭
#x reader#fem reader#genshin impact#genshin x reader#genshin fanfic#genshin impact imagines#female reader#genshin impact x reader#zhongli x reader#morax x reader#rex lapis#doctor zhongli#yandere idea#yandere#yandere male#male yandere#yandere zhongli#yandere morax#yandere zhongli x reader#yandere themes#therapist reader#asylum project#yandere thoughts#yandere genshin#yandere genshin impact#yandere genshin x reader#yandere genshin imagines#yandere genshin x you#thank u#yandere dom doctor zhongli!
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Two Good Reasons, Part 10
Summary: Happy Thanksgiving
Pairings: Andy Barber X Reader
Rating: explicit
Warnings: explicit language, explicit sexual content, unprotected sex, PIV sex, creampie, "hut" Suede, sad Audrey, mean sister/aunt, 18+ ONLY
Word Count: 8.6K
Previous
Series Masterlist
*dividers created by @firefly-graphics
You lean over your son’s hospital bed. His tiny little body somehow looks even smaller now laying here passed out and helpless. Petting over his face, and sniffling when Andy calmly walks into the room, “How’s he doing?” He kisses your temple before leaning to kiss Suede’s forehead.
“He’s asleep. He’s okay, but a few ribs have been fractured due to the CPR. Nothing unusual,” the words are so heavy leaving your mouth; it’s the only way you can say them out loud. Nothing about this is usual. To think it could have been avoided completely. “They want him to stay the night here to monitor him.”
A silence falls over the room. You’re both beyond exhausted. You’re thankful that he fell back asleep in the ambulance. “He’s hurting so much, and there’s nothing I can do for him,” Andy pulls you into his warm embrace, and you bury your face in his chest. Everything is crashing down on you at that moment. Your baby is in pain, and there’s nothing you can do.
“How’s Audrey?” you wish you could hold her. Comfort your sweet angelic girl. Now that you have had time to breathe, you think of her pitiful voice, worrying about Suede dying.
Andy pulls you back to stare at your worn face. He’s never thought you looked as old as you feel, but right now you look so tired. Exhausted beyond what sleep could give you. “Ransom called on the way over here. Linda met them at Harlan’s. She’s okay, but worried about her brother and mom. He wants to know if you’d like him to bring her here to visit for a bit?” you respond by nodding your head.
You need to comfort her, too. As much as she worries about her brother on a daily basis, you know she’s not focused on anything but Suede, wondering how he’s doing. She needs to see he’s breathing, and he’s alive. Plus, you just want to hold her. “Did she look scared? I couldn’t — Andy, he needed me more.”
“Honey, nobody blames you for having to ignore her for a moment,” you wish there were two of you.
“But she’s always getting pushed to the side for his health, and it was her birthday, and…”
“This isn’t your fault,” he interrupts. His voice is so cold as he pulls you off his chest, “None of this is your fault. You had seconds to make a decision, and because of that our boy is alive,” ours. Andy is a better father. He deserved the title.
“Can I keep Suede from Scott? I don’t want him or Audrey around them. I can’t trust them. I’ll go to jail if I have to, but I-I-I-I I can’t lose my babies.”
“Shh,” he pulls you back into a bear hug, petting over your head. “Ray is going to push an emergency custody hearing, that you won’t have to be there for. This is a life and death situation, so no. You do not have to allow Scott to see the kids. I can’t — I can’t promise you sole custody. But this is enough to have supervised visitation,” it wasn’t ideal. But it was better than nothing. You couldn’t allow your babies there with him and Taylor.
Something about the whole situation just bubbles in your gut. Things have shifted. While you don’t think things were done on purpose, lazy negligence is still a form of child abuse. You can’t risk it anymore. You won’t. Your kids deserve better than that.
Ransom clears his throat behind you, because of course Andy told him to bring Audrey by already. He knew that you needed to see your daughter as much as she needed you. Sniffling you let go of Andy. Bending over, you rush towards Audrey, and pick your tiny little girl up. Squeezing her so tightly. “Mommy, I was so scared.”
“I know, baby. I was, too. But Suedey is so strong. He’s sleeping. And his breathing is good. He’s got some small fractures, and he’s in some pain, but he’s good. I’m sorry this happened on your birthday.”
“It’s okay,” no it wasn’t. “I didn’t want a birthday party anyways. I don’t want another one ever again,” you hope she didn’t mean that. Hope that this didn’t fully ruin her thoughts on birthdays all together. “Can we still go eat? Maybe soft play?”
“Suede can’t bounce around for a little bit. His chest has to heal. But we can go to eat. We could ask a friend if they’d like to go, and Andy and Suede can do something else?” She crinkles her nose, shaking her head.
“Oh. No, that’s okay,” it isn’t fair to Suede, but it isn’t fair to Audrey either. She’s a trooper and never blames him, but sometimes you wish she wasn’t so understanding. That she would ask questions. You fear she’s just suppressing those thoughts, and perhaps one day she’ll have an outburst and hate Suede for it. “How about his favorite pizza and then a movie.”
“How about what Audrey wants?”
“It’s okay. Can I see bubba?” You respond by walking her to the side of his bed. Tilting her head as she looks at him, she reaches out a small hand to pet over his, “Did Taylor do it on purpose?”
“I think Taylor just doesn’t think sometimes.”
“Then daddy should have checked for allergies?”
“Maybe mommy should have,” Andy clears his throat, and you turn to look at him. He just shakes his head, and reaches out his hand to place it on the small of your back. Silently telling you again that this isn’t your fault. It’ll take you some time before you believe that. If ever. You’re the main caregiver, and you should have known that Scott and Taylor weren’t responsible enough. And you’re the one that made them have Suede, too.
You could have brought him later. You could have kept an eye out for him, “Doe, you’re spiraling,” find you a man that knows what you’re feeling without being told. Find one that doesn’t make you cry, that holds you when you can’t stand up. Find one that makes you a better person. A better parent. And you did.
You inhale deeply, giving Audrey a kiss, “I know. Audrey, you are the bravest five year old that I know.”
“Suede is braver.”
“He’s brave because he has a brave big sister,” she buries her face into your neck, and you feel her tears. She was so scared. Still is. “He’s going to be okay, sissy.”
“You promise?” You would make sure he was okay, and he would continue to be.
“I do, baby. Now,” you pull her back to look at you, using your hands to wipe away the excess tears on her chubby cheeks. “Do you want to sleep here with me and Andy? Suede will be going home tomorrow.”
She nods her head, holding back onto you again. “Andy, did you…?”
“I got us all a change of clothes, honey. Ransom, thanks, man,” he gives his colleague, and friend, a hard handshake, and you thank him silently.
“Thank you, uncle Ann,” Ransom steps behind you, and out of character, kisses her on her head before patting your back, and leaving your family of four. The way Audrey clings to you, you wonder if she knows that you can’t let her see her daddy as of right now. It’s just something you physically can’t do. He doesn’t deserve them. Or your kindness.
“Ouch, mama,” Suede holds onto his chest after you ask him to pick up his dirty clothes. “Huts.”
“Suede,” Andy pops his head into the bedroom. Suede furrows his brows, but leans over to pick up the discarded pajamas, and tosses them into the hamper.
“Me tied!” he whines, stomping his foot for emphasis.
“I know you’re tired, buddy. But you can’t keep using your chest hurting as a way to get out of things. The doctor said you have to start moving again,” Suede huffs out a puff of air, and sits on his bed. Crossing his arms a bit too hard, his angry face turns into a pout, and he reaches his arms up for you. “Buddy, you can’t move too fast.”
“Come here, baby,” reaching down, you collect him in your arms, rocking him back and forth, “You okay?”
“Chess. It huts,” you know it did. You saw the x-rays. See the bruising still. “Me oom. Miss it.”
“We’re just going to be gone for a week,” Andy gives him a quick kiss to his head. “Doe, we gotta get going. Let me go get the princess. We’ve got to catch our flight. iPads are charged. Snacks are packed. Suede’s medicine is in mommy’s bag. And we’re going to Michigan!”
“Aye!” He claps his little hands together, forgetting about his sore chest. Distraction was the best tactic for him.
“Princess Audrey! Are you done brushing your teeth?” Andy jumps from the side of the door, and Audrey squeals. Laughing as she puts her toothbrush on her own bathroom counter. “Mommy, Suede, and I are ready. What about you?” She nods her head, jumping into his arms. “Lights off! Let’s get our butts to the airport.”
“Andy — daddy, I’ve never flown before. Is it scary?” You grab the kids’ backpacks out of the hall, glancing at Andy and your sweet angel. Even though she’s struggling on what she wants to call Andy, you love that she still wants to call him anything. He’d taken such good care of her while you tended to Suede, and then, you’d switch, so you can spend time with her. Not having to do this alone is making life so much more enjoyable.
“Of course not. You and Suede have some toys, and your iPads…”
“Mimis,” it’s a running joke now to make sure that minis are added to iPads every time, it made all the difference to clarify that they are minis. It’s one of Suede’s favorite pastimes. “Nini and Papa!”
Time to see your parents. And sister. And brother. They hadn’t seen you since Suede turned one, and then not long after your world slowly started to change. Ignoring all the signs that Scott was no good. Even your mother told you, practically begged you not to marry him. She’d said that she had a car ready to take you away from the venue. Your dad told her to mind her business. Oh well, Nini and Papa’s here we go.
——
“Do we get to sleep in uncle Ryan’s bed?” Both kids had been full of chatter since landing. They enjoyed flying, and did well, and the first time flyer baggies you gave to each passenger went well.
“No! Me seep wif mama daddy!” The two of them trudge up the steps. Suede grunting as he pulls the suitcase that he insisted he roll. “No no Uck Yan.”
“Who is yuck?”
“Nini!” The two of them scream, dropping their suitcases on the porch, and your mom bends down to see them better. Opening up her arms for a hug.
“Easy on Suede’s chest,” she grimaces, before gently hugging them. You reach for the bigger suitcase before Andy swoops to the back of the car. He almost pushed her hand off of it.
“Let me get these. You go on,” you want to help. You’re not helpless.
“I can get one of them.”
“No,” he answers with an abrupt finality. “Go with the kids,” you don’t know how to take that comment. It kind of hurts your feelings that he was short with you. And he didn’t even smile when saying it. You can help with luggage. They were your dern suitcases anyways. You had to do it by yourself when you were with Scott.
Suede pulls his shirt down, revealing his chest bruise, and telling his Nini ouch. “Hey mom,” you say, giving her the biggest hug.
“Hey Andy,” she says over your shoulder, ignoring you to watch your fiance lug the suitcases that you could have helped him with. “I’m glad the two of you finally came to your senses. I never liked the first one.”
“Mother!” Audrey makes a face at your mom, but Suede grabs Andy’s hand, repeating my daddy. And you just want to change the conversation away from Scott, “Is Ryan here?”
“He’s in the backyard with your father. Can Suede run?” That’s all he ever does some days.
“Chess me un ast. Atch me,” he sprints into the house, stopping when he has no idea which way to go. Looking back at Audrey who walks with him, shrugging.
“Audi, keep walking all the way straight back,” you tell them, nodding in the direction to the back porch.
“Andy, why don’t you take them out back. We’ll take the luggage upstairs,” you mother smiles so sweetly at Andy. You know he’s attractive, but she didn’t have to look at him like that.
“No,” he’s being ridiculous. You can carry the damn luggage. “I’ll put it by the stairs. Doe, don’t take them upstairs,” you roll your eyes as he grabs each of your babies’ hands in one of his, and your frustration all but disappears with how sweet he looks with them. Your vision goes a bit blurry watching as they walk towards the back door.
Finally get to enjoy the thing you’ve always wanted when pain radiates through your tit, and you yelp, glaring at your mom, “You just hit me!”
“They look quite full. Are you pregnant?” the woman smirks at you. First she slaps your boob, and now she’s smirking.
“No,” you start to walk away from her. You need to pee. It was a long ride. She follows you. Meeting your every step, “Drop it, mother.”
“Mother,” she mocks. “Why won’t Andy let you carry the luggage?” It was a good question, but one you didn’t have the answer to.
“Because…”
“I called to talk to the kids the other day, and you and Suede were napping,” he was tired, and looked so snuggly. It wasn’t your fault.
“So?” What is she going on about?
“You are looking fuller.”
“I am stressed!” Does she understand the stress you’ve been under? You just moved into your new home, and there’s boxes everywhere. You’re staying at home with Suede because you have a heavy fear that he will eat something he shouldn’t. Scott hasn’t even called his children. You’re going through a divorce. You eventually will plan an elopement of sorts. You are fucking stressed.
“I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I mean it as — I saw you pregnant with Audrey. And your boobs are sensitive.”
“You slapped my tit,” okay, Andy made the same complaint. What the hell?
“I’ll ask Andy how sensitive they are.”
“Oh my god! Do not talk to Andy about my titties. You know. I told you, I can’t have more children.”
“You know,” she smirks as you walk away from her. You have to pee. “I always thought the problem was more the limp dick you were married to,” you giggle as you sit on the toilet. Leave it to your mom who had no filter to say anything like that. “I mean, think about it, maybe your stress with being his wife caused more of your issues, and he was the main problem.”
“He gave me two kids.”
“Yeah, and you did nothing,” your eyes go blank as you stare at the sink. Finished, but not getting up. It had been too long since you had a period. You have had sex with Andy more than you ever did with Scott in a year.
“Would you wipe your puss and get out here, so I can talk to you,” you didn’t really want to. You’re having a bit of a moment, and not really a crisis, but an emergency in your brain. What did this mean? She screams your name with her mouth pressed against the door, and you wipe. Pulling your leggings up, and wash your hands.
When you open the door, your mom is just smiling at you. “Andy suspects it, doesn’t he?” He’d ask you to take a test every time you had sex if you were being honest.
“He asked me to take a test.”
“Then take one,” that sounds too easy. Too simple. And you’ve already accepted you can’t have children anymore.
“But what if…”
“It’s negative? Who cares? You’re with the man I always knew was perfect for you. You’re with the man that will give you his life, and my grandbabies. If it’s negative, you keep bumping uglies until it happens, and if it doesn’t happen, there’s other options. What are you truly scared of? Scoot to find out that Andy can knock you up, while he couldn’t.”
“Two kids. Two beautiful perfect kids. Even Suede,” your mama pulls you in for a hug. Her hands move up and down your back, while she holds you like you were still a child.
“No matter what the asshole said about Suede, that little boy is beautiful and perfect. And he doesn’t deserve to see that little boy. Never did. But aren’t you glad that life led you back to Andy, so NaNa can become daddy?” Yes. You’re very grateful that Audrey and Suede had Andy. “How about you go outside with everyone, and I’m going to get a pregnancy test, and some alcohol that you can’t have. But I do want to see how Andy reacts to you trying to drink a beer.”
“You’re so mean.”
“And you’re so pregnant. Go spend some time with your daughter. I’m sure Uncle Ryan, dad, and Andy can keep Suede occupied. Maybe you and her can go get a mani/pedi? I hear that Julie has a couple openings in about thirty minutes,” you grin, pulling her in for another hug. “I know things have been tough with Suede, but make sure my girl gets some special treatment and one on one time with mommy, too, okay?”
Nodding your head, you pull away from her, and wipe your eyes. You really want to have special time with Audrey. As mature and patient as she is, she deserves it. “Thanks, mother.”
“I really hate it when you call me that. It always sounds so derogatory. By the way, we’ve got everything Suede proof as far as food goes. But don’t hesitate to look over everything just in case,” even your parents could do this. Make sacrifices for you so, when their father couldn’t, “I don’t know how desserts will work.”
“I’m going to make him something. Audrey loves it, too. They won’t even notice the pumpkin pie,” your mother looks at you over smiling, and shaking her head. “What?”
“I don’t know how you do it.”
“If it means keeping my boy safe, I just do it. Andy is aware of his allergies. He also can read labels. And there’s still plenty of snacks in their backpacks. Suede can get a bit snacky if you don’t watch him,” but what toddler didn’t?
“Sweetheart, go get Audrey and go see Julie. Make sure she gets glitter on her tiny little fingernails. Does she ever grow?”
“She will. She’s just petite. Leave her alone,” she was so cute being tiny. Suede has nearly caught up with her height wise. You hate to think you have a five year old. You’d love to keep her tiny and innocent. So the fact that she is so tiny, you like it. Makes her seem younger. “When will Morgan be here?”
Your mom cringes as she turns away from you, “What now?” You ask, already annoyed at the baby girl. Neither of your parents want to admit how spoiled she is.
“She’ll be here the night before Thanksgiving. Ryan’s ex is bringing Cooper and Conner on Thanksgiving, so you may have to give up a room,” you didn’t care. The plan is to have the kids in Ryan’s old room with the bunks, but you didn’t care if they just wanted to snuggle up with you and Andy. Sometimes you liked it when they just wanted to be with you. “Morgan…”
“Has a problem with me getting a divorce, but not Ryan. Got it. I’m taking Audrey to get our nails done,” you and Morgan are just too different. Enough of an age gap that you just seem like you are from two different worlds. She is babied. By everyone. She really didn’t like you moving to Massachusetts. Had a few choice words to you when you left Scott. She always got along better with him anyways.
If he was any type of man, he would call your kids. You wouldn’t deny him talking, or FaceTiming them. You just didn’t want him to be alone with them. You hope he gets sunburned in Cancun. And even that didn’t cover all the ways you want Scott to suffer, but most of all, you just want him out of your life. More importantly, you’re children.
——
“Uck Yan,” your brother slowly looks towards you, narrowing his eyes at the name Suede had bestowed on him. “Me tong. Me hut. Me otay!” He uses big hands and gestures to talk about what had happened, and you cuddle in closer to Andy. Your hand rubs over his chest, while his is just slightly below your ass, caressing you gently. You’re essentially in his lap anyways. The kids are cozy with Ryan. Your parents have already ventured to bed.
“I think that my sister has some brave kids on her hand, you, too, Audi,” she doesn’t smile, but shifts uncomfortably.
“I don’t want to talk about it. Suede shh,” she gets out of Ryan’s lap, and you nearly think she’ll come to you Andy, but instead she goes to the beanbags on the floor, and of course Suede follows. Sitting closer to the tv.
“Andy, I didn’t know if I would ever see you again. You’re still as gross as I remember. Except now you don’t scramble away from each other when someone comes into a room,” you roll your eyes, but cuddle even closer to Andy. He’s always so warm. “Has he attempted to call?” Ryan looks at your leg where Andy’s grip gets even tighter, and nods understanding. “Maybe he’s scared?”
“I don’t care if he is. It’s nothing compared to how your sister and his daughter felt,” his grip softens. You keep your eye on the kids, but they have no inclination on what you’re discussing now. You have your feelings towards Scott, but you weren’t going to push them on your babies. They’ll come to the conclusion all on their own.
“I know. I just…”
“You sound like Morgan,” you stop him. Morgan always defends Scott against you. Scott is always a saint. He is perfect and can do no wrong. But where was he when Suede passed out from lack of oxygen? Where was he when his song was turning blue?
“No,” Ryan answers softly. He scoots to the edge of the sofa, and stretches. “I just don’t always see things as black and white. And I like giving people the benefit of the doubt.”
“We did,” Ryan nods to Andy. He can tell in the tone of Andy’s voice that this isn’t something he could explain away. There is no discussion. You tried with Scott, long past when you should. Your children’s health is not something you’re going to be lenient with anymore. You came too close to losing Suede.
Scott probably does feel a tinge of guilt. And maybe he is scared because he was the parent in charge. He should be scared. Him and Taylor moved into that ugly house the same day you took the final box out of there. Suede was already running to the car, while Audrey hugged your neck as the two of you stared into the front door.
If you had it your way, the kids would never be back at this house. It didn’t feel like home. It never did. You left most of the furniture, dishes, whatever you felt Scott paid for with his money. You weren’t going to give him the satisfaction of holding that over your head. It just feels like a time capsule of some of the worst days of your life. But some of the best when you remember Andy building a fort with them for the first time, and it’s still a favorite pastime of theirs, now they have a bigger living room to build in. New and better memories will be created at the new home.
The kids don’t have to be afraid to bring their toys in there to play. Audrey didn’t do her ‘courtroom homework’. Suede could have his hands on everything in the house. He could make a mess, and you would assist him to clean it up. The difference in the behavior is shocking. The new house — home, your home. Your home brings so much rebirth. You all needed it.
Speaking of rebirth. “Guys, I think it’s time to go to bed. Are you sleeping in uncle Ryan’s room or…?”
“Uck Yan! Me seep Uck Yan!”
“Mommy, I don’t want to sleep on the top bunk.”
“It’s okay. You can sleep on the bottom with Suede. It’s big enough. Alright, stairs, and we’ll do our tucking in, and book for the night,” they both jolt up in a fit of giggles, and head towards the stairs a bit too speedy, but they quickly slow down when Andy clears his throat. You need to learn that trick. The ability to barely do anything, and they just listen is amazing.
“Don’t forget your teeth, and me and mommy will be up in just a minute,” swoon. You find yourself growing more and more in love with him. You keep waiting on the other shoe to drop, and he surprises you with an ugly side of him. You know how protective he is, to a fault really. You know he can be quick to anger in order to protect you. But you’ve never seen his negatives affect you.
He pulls you in for a bruising kiss. Something you’ve been missing all day. He’s trying to respect your parents’ house when they’re well aware that you and Andy have sex. That’s the only details that they need to know. You pull away, smiling at him. “I’ve got a present for you.”
“Do you?” His hands roam down your back before grabbing both ass cheeks, one in each hand. “I’ve got a surprise for you, too,” you doubt his present is quite like yours. Regardless of what the answer on the test is, you know Andy will be happy you are taking one. “Alright, let's get the munchkins tucked in, so we can pretend we’re teenagers, and I just snuck up to your widow,” he wiggles his eyebrows at you. Dipping his hands between your thighs.
“You dirty old man.”
“As long as I’m your dirty old man, I really don’t care,” with a chuckle, and excitement for what’s to come, you head up the stairs to get your littlest loves tucked in. Ready to have a full week off with your favorite people in the world. Even if you weren’t sure about spending time with your sister.
You stand with your hands behind your back as Andy emerges from the Jack and Jill bathroom connected to Morgan’s old room. He smirks, trying to lean around your body to see what you have, “You go first,” he tells you, stepping right in front of you, he places his hands on your hips, and starts swaying the two of you to music that isn’t even there.
“Are you sure you don’t want to go first?” You are losing your confidence, and it’s just a pee stick. You’ve used one with Andy before. This is nothing new. You have children. The unknown is terrifying you, “You go first.”
“You are ready with yours behind your back. Mine is in the suitcase. Go on. I feel you might not like mine,” well that’s concerning. Now your interest is piqued. Is it a sex toy? A gag? Is he trying to be gross in your childhood room? It wouldn’t be the first time. A lot of firsts happened on that bed. “Doe?”
You exhale quickly before pulling the test in front of your body. Andy only stares at the box with so many emotions running through his mind. Your mom didn’t cheap out, she got the one that said pregnant or not pregnant. But your fiance is saying nothing. “I’m not saying I am. I’m just saying I think it’s time because…”
“Because you haven’t had a period in two months. Because you’re horny, and your tits are super sensitive. Because you’re super sleepy. Because your pants are getting tighter,” two months? Really.
“You know my cycle?”
“You don’t want to have sex because you’re cramping the first couple days, and you don’t even want to snuggle. And then on day three you are crawling in my lap so whiny. Yeah, I kinda figured out your cycle. Not to mention, you just smell different,” you pout up at him. He is so fucking sweet. Adorably sweet. “It’s why I didn’t want you carrying heavy things. And you’re bound and determined to ignore my need for you to take a test.”
You wiggle the test at him, and he playfully rolls his eyes. “Well, go pee on the stick, and there’s no need for me to give you my surprise because it’s the exact same thing. I was going to make you test even if it meant holding you down,” he’s so dramatic. Too dramatic honestly.
You push his hands off your hips, and walk into the bathroom, attempting to close the door when he clears his throat, “Why?” Whining just because.
“Because it brings back old memories. Pee with the door open. It’s not like I haven’t seen you in this position before. And many other positions if I’m recalling correctly,” dirty old man is right. But you’d choose him again and again.
“Fine,” you groan as you check to make sure the bathroom door on the other side is locked for some reason. Walking into the toilet alcove, and you pray. You beg. You hope and wish that it says pregnant. Not just for Andy, but for you. Audrey. Suede. The want and need to fill up your home. To make Andy a biological father, he’s already a daddy. The reality that you can have kids, and that Scott was the main problem.
With a deep breath, you lay the test on the counter, and start washing your hands as Andy steps behind you. Staring at the test, while you giggle, “Babe, it takes time. It’s not instantaneous,” not that it would take long. But his excitement is cute.
“Doe,” there’s something in the sound of his voice that makes you glance down at the test, and you gasp. Frozen as you stare at the test. You really didn’t think it would say that, “Honey, why would it be that instant?”
“Umm…well, I’m,” you can’t even think properly. This whole time you made yourself believe you were the problem. It wasn’t just you. You see as plain as the ‘PREGNANT’ on the test. It’s hard to fully believe the words, but there it is. Plain as day. “Andy?”
“Oh, honey,” he pulls you into his body, while you sob the happiest of tears. It’s just overwhelming. How many years were you told your body was the problem? And if it wasn’t the problem, would you have had a third child with Scott? You haven’t been careful with Andy since day one. But you haven’t been as stressed. You’ve been happier. “Baby, I know. I know,” he coos into your ear. “There was never anything wrong with you.”
You made yourself believe this couldn’t happen again. The girl that carried around a baby doll when she was little, and she went everywhere with you because it was your daughter. All you wanted growing up was to become a mother, and you thought that it was stripped away from you. That the man you wanted to procreate with you could never give that to him. There was always a part of you that almost believed eventually Andy would leave you for someone who could give him that.
“We’re having a baby, Doe,” his hand inches down your body before cupping your stomach. “Our baby is in there. And Audi and Suede are going to be big sister and brother. Doe, this is our baby in here,” you can’t even fully process this. A fear that you go to the doctor, and it was a false positive creeps into your mind, while Andy kisses all over your head. Pulling you back to view your red and swollen eyes before he crashes his mouth into yours.
He lifts you up from your ass, and you wrap your legs around him. Returning his desperate kisses with your own hunger as he carries you to the bed. You have Andrew Stephen Barber’s baby inside of you. You wanted to destroy the hope that was lingering in your mind for the past month because you didn’t think this was possible for you. Denying all the signs of a pregnancy because you were sure you couldn't give him a baby.
But you fucking can. You are. He drops you to the bed, and starts to paw at your underwear. He throws them somewhere behind you, and you look towards the door, making sure it is locked before he yanks his shirt off, and you stare up at his beautiful chest. You were never a titty girl, but Andy made you that way. With still his pajama bottoms on, he rolls his hips in between your thighs, and your back arches up.
Andy fucked a baby in you. There’s too much clothes that separate you, and you're pulling and tugging on his pants and underwear. Getting them down just enough to expose his hardening cock, and you grip it tightly at the base. Stroking him gently. Feeling him turn to steel in your hand before guiding him to your entrance. You run his tip through your slick, letting him know your body is ready. In one single thrust, he pushes into your warmth, lighting your body on fire.
He lays a hand over your mouth, “Shh, baby,” he draws himself out of you so slowly, but charges back in. “Doe, you’re so fucking loud,” loud? You growl at him. He feels amazing. “Your parents’ bedroom is downstairs. Maybe I should go softer since I’ve already fucked a baby…” Andy swallows deeply. His eyes become glossy, and you shove his hand off him.
“Andy. Andy, talk to me.”
“I don’t want you to think I don’t love Audrey and Suede. I will adopt them tomorrow. I will always take care of them, and you, but — I’ve always wanted to experience pregnancy with you. And you’re giving me that.”
Pulling his face down to yours you kiss away all the stray tears before returning to his mouth, “You’re giving me that, too,” you trace your tongue over his lips achingly slowly. Ignoring when he parts his mouth. “You’ve always given me so much. And I’ll always give you just as much. And I can’t wait to be Mrs. Andy Barber.”
He moans as you drag your tongue over his teeth. He meets you with his wet muscle, and you whimper at the taste of his freshly brushed teeth. Massaging his tongue with your own as he ruts into you. He’s not as deep as he normally is, but he still commands your body. This isn’t fucking. It isn’t raw. It is pure. Purely making love, and showing your love through your bodies.
There isn’t even a ton of friction. Just the two of you soaking up each other’s love and emotions. All these years of wanting, waiting, wishing is now in your grasp. The plan that you and Andy created all those years ago is now right here with you. He even told you it isn’t going to change the way he feels about Audrey and Suede, and one day they will be his legally. You have no doubt about that. Not now with your coward sperm donor unable to call them. Facing the consequences of what he did. What he allowed to happen.
You don’t give that bastard anymore thoughts as Andy rolls himself all the way in, “I won’t hurt the baby, will I?” Giggling you shake your head no, realizing now why he’d held off fully settling himself in your warmth. “You promise me?”
“I promise you,” things change to a frenzy as Andy stabs into you. Quick, hard, and all the way in. Crashing his mouth into yours so your noises won’t echo throughout the house. You did it. You both did it. You have accomplished everything that you ever wanted with Andy. Now the rest is just going to be beautiful fulfillment.
From the strange and quiet little boy, to the cocky teenager that you saw right past his fake bravado, now to the confident, protective, fierce, and super sexy man that you have fallen completely into the depths of his soul. Everything about Andy you love. Everything about the two of you, you love.
You squeak as your body tightens up, and Andy swallows all of your strangled sighs and whimpers. Tasting your pleasure on his tongue like it’s a rare delicacy. Wrapping your legs around him, you wait. Wait for his cock to go rigid, and his balls tighten up. Wait for his sticky release to fill up your belly, and your slicked up walls pulse around him. Milking every drop of his seed, and you squeeze your legs around him. Holding him in place because this is right where he belongs.
“Doe,” he pants out. WIth his forehead pressed against yours, you take a ragged breath. Spent from the day of traveling, to these overwhelming feelings. The only thing that could make this better is if he were already your husband. “Babe, what are you doing?”
His need to use pet names always makes you feel so warm and fuzzy. Home. “I’m keeping you where I want you.”
“In your cunt?”
“Is that so wrong?” He chuckles, shaking his head no, and lays the two of you to the side, so he can pet around your face. “We’ve got a baby growing in there.”
“I know. I know! I’m going to take so much care of you. I don’t want you to worry about anything. Suede’s health is a priority. Stay at home. Spend the extra time with Suede, and rest easy knowing he won’t have an allergic reaction. Hell, home school Audrey if you want to. This is what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it?” Pressing a chaste kiss against his lips you nod.
“I’ll take care of us. I need all our babies safe,” Andy knows there’s some legal issues that will have to be dealt with. But he’ll worry about them later. At this moment, you’re his wife. Audrey and Suede are his children. And you just told him you’re pregnant with baby number three. “I love you.”
“I love you, Andy,” you sigh, starting to fall asleep.
“Rest. I’ll unlock the doors in a little bit,” exhaling deeply, your eyes flutter close, and you nod. He would take care of everything. He is your husband. All three kids are Andy’s. That’s the dream. The fantasy that will be a reality.
Suede sits in Andy’s lap, picking food off his plate to shove in his mouth, and Audrey leans against your body in between the two of you. You figured today would be a bit harder for her. Faces she hadn’t seen in forever, and already she asked if her daddy would FaceTime her.
Morgan keeps looking towards you or Andy, you’re unsure why. But everyone chatters, and eats the thanksgiving dinner. “Where’s the deviled eggs?” she asks, looking at your mom for approval.
“Honey, your nephew is highly allergic, and he’s had enough attacks lately,” that should be the end of the conversation, but of course the baby of the family would sigh. Ryan looks towards you rolling his eyes as he stuffs a bite of turkey in his mouth.
Everyone, including Cooper and Conner, Ryan’s teenage boys, haven’t said a word about the slightly altered meal. You didn’t even insist on it. Said that you or Andy could have Suede with you at all times, and would make sure he didn’t eat anything he shouldn’t. You helped your mom alter some of the foods so they’d be safe for him, but you never expected so many accommodations. You paid for and made each of the desserts and snacks that were safe for him. As a good parent should do.
“I didn’t think I’d ever see you back here, Andy,” your mom visibly moves uncomfortably in her chair, looking towards Morgan. She is always the one that starts something. So you don’t believe her intentions are pure.
“I did. I always knew I’d be back,” he responds, and your father raises a glass in the air. “What country are you guys going to travel to next?” He attempts to change the subject, but Morgan cocks her brow.
“Ireland,” your father’s voice is so quick. Short, and almost a warning to his youngest child. Morgan is a spoiled brat that your parents coddled for far too long. And now that she’s an adult, they don’t know how to control her.
“I just thought when my sister made her vows to Scott they’d be married forever,” you bite your tongue. Giving a smile to Audrey who looks up at you. She thought today would be a safe day with talking about her dad with people she didn’t know that well.
“You know my daddy?”
“Of course, I know him,” the tone in her voice sickens you to your core. Audrey didn’t need this.
“Can you tell him to call me?” Your father clears his throat. You hope Morgan chokes on her drink of wine as she takes another sip. “He he he he he he he hasn’t called since since my bubba…”
“NaNa my daddy. Chess,” Suede interrupts. His clean hand rubs on Andy’s beard, and you see Andy go stiff. Ready to say something, but knowing this was yours to handle.
“No, the hell he’s not. That is Scott Huffman’s son,” with a quick kiss to Audrey’s head, you lean her towards Andy, and scoot your chair back, standing up at the table.
“Outside,” Morgan glares at you. Practically snarling when you say it again. “Outside, Morgan. If you want to speak to me like an adult that is fine, but you will not talk to my children like this. Let’s go,” Morgan’s chair scoots back, and you hear Ryan hoop before getting a smack to the back of his head from your mom.
You march to the backyard. While everything is more worn and old from the weather and years, not much back here has changed. You’re annoyed that this adult woman is involving your children in whatever her deal is. She can take whatever she has out on you, but not them. They’ve been through enough.
“What’s your problem?” Morgan shrugs, sitting on the porch swing, but you stay standing. Pacing around while you try and calm down. “We’ve had the most pleasant week.”
“You mean before I got here?”
“Yes! You have this undying need to hate me. And that’s fine, Morgan. I really don’t care. But when you involve my children who are going through enough right now, that’s where I draw a really big line.”
Your sister gives you an evil smirk before crossing her arms over her chest, “And whose fault is that?”
“Well, I don’t know what you mean. Do you mean the fact that Scott was a cheating piece of shit? Do you mean how he neglected my son, and he almost died? Do you mean how he is a pussy bitch and won’t call his kids?”
“Because he knows it’ll be an argument,” you shake your head no, starting to go back into the house. “No, it will be. He’ll call to talk to the kids, but you made it very clear you don’t want Suede around him. He can’t even get Audrey now. And you know she’s his pride and joy,” only for what she can do to make him look good. He didn’t love her like Andy did.
You aren’t sure where she’s getting her information, but that’s not entirely true. Scott could see his children, but he chooses not to, “I issued him with supervised visits only.”
“How is that fair?”
“How is it fair that my two year old son had fractures to his rib cage because I had to give him CPR? He’s two, Morgan. Do you remember that? Two years old. The unfairness is to my kids. I chose supervised visits, so I know that my son’s life won’t be in jeopardy. I don’t understand how you can’t comprehend that. You act like I am this evil witch, while Scott is so innocent.”
“You filed for divorce,” you squeeze the bridge of your nose. For someone in their late twenties, she’s acting like a child. “You had him, and you filed for divorce.”
“And what would you have done if you walked in on your husband being fucked by the babysitter? One that he’s still currently with.”
“You weren’t having sex with him. Everyone knows that if you don’t give it up, they’ll find it somewhere else,” you stare at her dumbfounded. There is no reason to even bring up your postpartum depression, or the fact that your son had multiple health problems. The fact that you and Scott had grown distant. Honestly, you should have filed for divorce before you caught him cheating.
“You’re an idiot. Just don’t say anything to my children. And don’t bring up Scott.”
“Why?” She’s utterly ridiculous. “Because it’ll upset little Andy? You had it all. The perfect husband, home, kids, and life, and you don’t even realize it. You didn’t love him the way he deserved.”
“Don’t bring up Scott because it upsets my daughter! And I never had any of that with him. I have that now,” Morgan rolls her eyes, and stands up abruptly. Squaring up with you. You know exactly where Audrey gets her size from. Your sister is tiny. “If you think he’s so grand,” no you won’t say it. Whatever this is between you and Morgan, she still deserves better than Scott is offering. And how awkward would family dinners be then?
“I tried,” you step away from her. “I had him,” no she didn’t. She was about to start college when you and Scott started to date. “But he had found someone that he loved so much, and he couldn’t wait for me to graduate anymore. He needed a respectable wife if he wanted in a decent firm.”
“What are you saying?” Lies. A bunch of fucking lies.
“I had Scott first. We met when he did a lecture at college. I am the one that went to law school. The one that deserves him,” oh god, you’re going to be sick. Scott was perving on college girls while you were dating. Not just any college girls, but your sister. You can’t process this. “You took him from me, just like everything else. And now you’re with someone you loved more anyways. Couldn’t wait on Andy? Is he with you for pity now?”
“Do not speak to my children the way that you did ever again. Audrey has cried for her dad. I text him, and he doesn’t respond. I call and leave voicemails, and he doesn’t respond. I have tried and tried to be the bigger person for them, but I can’t force Scott to be a decent father. Whatever happened between you and him is in the past. I don’t care. I’m the one that has children with him, so I will always have to deal with him in some way.”
“Why doesn’t Andy just adopt them?”
“You’re the lawyer, Morgan. You tell me how easy it is for people to adopt children. That’s the plan, eventually. You know. I don’t need this stress right now,” Morgan perks up a moment. Her eyes flash to your stomach that you have kept a hand on the whole conversation. “I want a divorce. I want to marry Andy. I want my kids to be happy. I don’t care about Scott. Maybe you should ask him how he’s enjoying Cancun with his girlfriend. I’m done with him. I’m done with you. I’m done with this conversation.”
You don’t care what she has to say anymore. You can’t care. You have never been happier than this week. It wasn’t about being back home. No, home is wherever your family is. Andy and the kids are your family. Learning you were growing your family by another tiny little baby made everything better. And after the doctor’s appointment, you’d tell the kids.
Morgan wasn’t going to ruin anything. Whatever. You didn’t like it, but what were you to do? If she is still hung up on that man all these years later, what could you do? How is it your problem when you didn’t know about it? And you started talking to Scott before she was even in college, so her math is incorrect. No, you didn’t introduce him to your family, but your family is sacred. He never deserved to meet them.
“Mommy,” Audrey waits for you at the edge of the table. Your dad’s hand family falls off her belly, and she rushes towards you. You pull her up, and settle her on your hip, “Is everything okay?”
“Yes, princess, everything is okay, and everything will be okay.”
“After dinner can we try daddy again?” Fuck Scott for being a coward, and leaving you to pick up everything. Fuck Morgan for brining Scott up again. More than likely he won’t answer the call. Selfish man can’t even tell his kids happy thanksgiving.
“We can,” you kiss her temple. Side eyeing Morgan as she walks back into the house.
“If he doesn’t answer, it’s okay,” you hope Morgan hears how a five year old is more mature than she is. That she understands that your child misses her father, even if he can callously ignore her. He can forget everything that happened at her birthday party, but she still has nightmares. You hope Morgan sees how Audrey’s always checking to see if Suede is breathing okay, and apologizing for not noticing him that day.
Scott and Taylor ruined her birthday because of their negligence. She will never be the same. That is a moment that will haunt everyone, including her. You just hate that you couldn’t split yourself in two and comfort her as well.
“Can we FaceTime Uncle Ann?” You sit beside your Andy, Suede already leaning back in his lap, patting his extended belly with a food covered smile. You keep Audrey in your lap, so you can share pie, and Andy places an arm around your back. He pulls you in for a quick kiss to your temple. You keep your chin up. She won’t ruin your day.
Morgan is jealous of a life you didn’t have with Scott. She can have it. Instead you’re going to wrap yourself in warmth and love with your family. A family of five. And when you return home, you’re going to give your family the best Christmas ever. Decorated beautifully, and giving your future husband what he’s always wanted. Traditions.
Next
Masterlist
@tis-thedamn-season @marveloustaylortot @pono-pura-vida @peaches1958 @seitmai
@smile1318 @andydrysdalerogers @cjand10 @midnightramyeoncravings @kmc1989
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@hisredheadedgoddess28 @capswife
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I Own You (Demon Alastor x reader)
CW: Suicidal thoughts, suicidal actions, Anxiety, depression, shitty fuckin mental health, Pissed off Alastor, possessive Alastor, Branding, blood as lube, Toxic ass relationships, self doubt, smut, mirror sex Rating: Adult Summary: After getting a bunch of comments telling you you're not good enough for Alastor, old demons come back to life in your mind sending you to embrace the coping mechanism that sent you to hell in the first place. Alastor stops your plans in their tracks and is rather displeased by your actions. Requested by Anon. An: yes, we're finishing kinktober. I promised you 31 fics, you're getting 31 fics.
You stood high on the cliff overlooking the edge of Pentagram city. Hot wind whipped at your hair, sending it flying. The wind pushed your clothes against your body, framing it in a way that felt suffocating, just like everything else. The tears running down your face burned as stabbing pain shot through your heart, making it hard to breathe.
Thoughts ran through your head, screaming. They chased one another, clashing with violent force. It felt like they’d rip your skull apart if you didn’t get them out. Screaming did no good. Your throat was raw from how much you had screamed.
This was how you had found yourself in hell. It was how everything had ended, a sea of clashing thoughts, clashing against your skull, ripping the very gray matter of your brain apart until you put a stop to everything, chasing after the sweet release of silence.
The cosmic joke was on you. This was also how everything began. The silence was hardly a fraction of a second and then your eyes had opened to a red sky and the thoughts. So many thoughts. You thought it would never end, though you tried to put an end to them again and again.
It had been a long time since you had done that, though. It took time, but the voices, the thoughts, the doubts stopped. You had been happy, so happy.
Then the thoughts started again. They told you such horrible things. They made promises that this time, if you made it stop, you wouldn’t wake up again. He would be better off without you. Everyone thought he was too good for you. Everyone knew it was a joke.
“I just want it to stop,” you whimpered the words out, the hot wind snatching them from your lips and throwing them away like the trash they were.
One foot in front of the other. That’s all it would take. This time, it would stop. This time, it would be forever. This time, you could have peace.
Tears fell from your chin as your foot dangled off the edge. Just a shift of your weight and it would be over. This time, it would be over.
You wanted peace.
You wanted to be happy.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered, shoe falling from the foot hovering over the drop. “You deserve someone better.”
Just a shift of your weight, that’s all it took. The world shifted, turning, tilting as you did. Hot wind rushed through your hair as the world barreled toward you. One last scream wanted to rip from your throat, but your lungs seized, holding the final sound locked inside.
The ground and its sweet promise of the end to the noise. The pain would be a flash, hardly lasting a moment before it would be over. This time would be different. You knew it in your heart.
This time would be different, you thought as black swarmed in front of your vision. That was proof, comforting your soul. This time was different.
You closed your eyes and opened them again, not to be greeted by darkness but by red. So much red and rich woods and then static.
Red-rimmed eyes looked around the room, only to see a form materialize from the shadows. You ended nothing. There was no peace. There was no end to the thoughts.
“What the *fuck* did you think you were doing?!” Alastor’s voice climbed, static glitching over the rare curse as if to remind him that it wasn’t suitable for the radio.
“I just,” your words were choked by your sobs. A new fear, a new pain shot through you at the wild look in his eyes. You hadn’t thought he had the power to catch you, to bring you here from such a great distance. “I just wanted it to end.”
“Wanted it to end!?” Alastor scoffed as his microphone laughed as if some joke had been played. “You wanted to end it?”
“Yes,” you whimpered, throat raw from the screaming.
“Have you thought,” he hissed, “that perhaps there are easier ways to dump a man than throwing yourself off the cliffs?”
“What?”
“Less dramatic ways than ending your life and waiting to respawn.” He turned, storming away from you.
“I didn’t- It wasn’t about you. It’s not about you.” The words trembled as they fell from your lips.
“Then what was it about!?” Alastor turned, bones and joints snapping and creaking.
“I’m not good enough!” you yelled, tears running down your face. “You need better than me. You deserve better than me. Everyone knows it. Everyone’s saying it. Everyone knows I should just die.”
There was a moment of silence where he just stood there, blinking at you. “Not good enough?” He seethed, rage fueled power flowing off him in waves. The deer skulls on the walls rattled with it. “Who are you to decide what is good enough for The Radio Demon?!”
Large hands gripped your upper arms, claws cutting your sleeves to shreds as he shook you. Your head snapped back and forth, making it all the harder to defend your inadequacy. Tears ran down your face, wide eyes unable to look away from the blazing red radio dials that his eyes had become.
Alastor was pissed.
Claws raked down your arms, claws catching and ripping fabric. The neck of your dress gave way, splitting under the pressure. The moment the fabric ripped, a sea of fabric fluttered down your body. In a heartbeat, you were standing in your bra and panties.
Shivers ran down your spine as Alastor looked at you. The static in the air had your the hairs on your arms sticking up. Gooseflesh ran over exposed skin as you tried to wrap yourself in your arms.
“You are mine.” Alastor growled out, hand wrapping the front of your bra, pulling it from your breasts. The strap around your back bit into your skin, stretching and stretching until the elastic gave way, and the straps snapped forward.
He threw the bra to the ground behind him as black shadows wrapped around your body, lifting you off your feet. They carried you easily to the bed. There was no soft placement on the surface, care given between lovers.
Alastor was far too angry for that.
You landed with a bounce as he stalked up to you. Shadows wrapped again around your wrists, pulling them up and pinning them just beyond your head.
Alastor ran sharp claws up your naked legs, teasingly light touch that disguised the dangerous sharp of his claws. Blood welled up, dots that marked the trail of scratches you hardly felt.
Never had you seen Alastor this angry.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered, trembling. “I’m sorry I’m not strong enough.”
That was the wrong thing to say.
His face snapped up, burning red eyes threatening to make everything you were nothing more than ashes. “Again,” static nearly stole the words from him as he spoke, “you dare presume to decide what is enough.”
Claws slipped under the band of your panties. In a flash, he ripped them down your body, leaving gouges in the fabric and you utterly naked under his eyes.
“You do not get to decide what belongs to me.” Alastor loomed over you, hands spreading your thighs as he settled between them.
Your chest heaved as you watched his eyes, taking in every imperfection of your body. Everything everyone had said is wrong with you physically was on display.
“What are you doing?” His pants bulged at the crotch, and yet he made no move to touch your most intimate parts. He sat, looking at you, looming.
“It seems you need to be taught a lesson who decides what is mine,” Alastor smoothed his hand down over your stomach, watching as the muscles jumped under the soft touch.
Down and down his hand went until his fingers were running through the trimmed curls that gathered on your pubic mound. The hairs caught between his fingers, pulling. You wiggled your hips, uncomfortable with the pulling, only to freeze when heat radiated over the skin.
Alastor’s magic sparked, green flames spreading over the hairs. Smoke and the acrid smell of burning hair filled your nostrils. You spread your legs wider, trying to run from the hot flames racing over your skin. Fire dripped down your folds as you gasped. Each hair was singed from your core, leaving you bare.
Alastor ran his fingers over the now hairless skin, admiring the blank canvas he had created for himself.
“Open wide,” Alastor laughed, bitter and cold as you spread your thighs. “No, your mouth.”
“What are you ta-” A black tentacle shoved into your mouth, choking off your words.
“Good girl,” Alastor cooed, smile spread wide in a clear display of how insane your powerful lover was.
“You seem to forget,” he ran his claws over the bare, sensitive skin of your mound, tracing lines from hipbone to hipbone. “That you belong to me. It is I who decides what I want, not another… not you.”
You choked as searing pain ripped through your body, legs trapped in his hold before you curled them up and protect yourself. You screamed, though the sound was silenced by the mass in your mouth, pushing deeper and deeper.
“A” Alastor said, pulling the finger from your mound, eyes flicking up to you as he licked the blood from it.
Gasping breaths ripped through your nose, sinuses struggling to allow the amount of air your lungs demanded pass through. Tears ran down the sides of your face.
Pain, more pain. It ran through your body, lighting every nerve on fire.
“L” Alastor said, looking up again, watching how your chest heaved before returning to his task. “A… S…T…”
With each letter, he spoke out loud as he took his time. All the pain of your life and afterlife was nothing compared to the pain he was putting you through now. Scream after scream struggled to pass through your throat.
“O….” Alastor carefully carved the letter, small and neat into your flesh. “R!”
Pain… and the wetness of blood running down your body. It poured on each side of your mound, cutting a red river along where your thighs met the edges of your folds.
The shadows forced you up, suspending you on your knees on the bed. It shifted as made his way behind you, taking your arms in his large hands. Shadows dissipated, leaving Alastor all that held you up.
Infront of you, a mirror formed, shiny and black. You looked at yourself, naked in the arms of the man you loved. Blood ran down your mound, coating your folds and running down your thighs. It soaked into the blankets.
“Do you see it now?” Alastor asked, fist curling into your hair and forcing you to look back at yourself when your head drifted. Your hands fell to your sides, his hand leaving yours in favor of rustling with his clothes behind your back.
“It hurts,” you whimpered, held up by the hand in your hair as the burning shaft of his cock rubbed against your ass.
“Do you see how much I want you, cher?” Alastor jerked your head, shaking your body. “I desire you so much that I have carved my name into you.”
“Please,” tears ran down your face as you looked at the blood running down your lower half. What surprised you was the pride that sparked in you, seeing his name carved on your skin. It would scar, marking your skin forever. Even if you threw yourself off a cliff, the marks would regenerate along with everything else.
Hell’s fucked up system let healed body modifications stick. How generous. If you wanted to remove his claim, you’d have to cut his name from your body.
“I’m sorry,” you whined as he rutted his hard cock against you.
“Are you?” Alastor asked, shoving you forward. “You tried to take something from me that belongs to me. When you feel like doing it again, you’ll look down and see who owns your body.”
Alastor’s hand wrapped around the back of your neck as he pulled your hips up, placing you on your knees. For a moment he left you waiting, eyes roaming over your folds. Everything was painted red as blood continued to ooze from the clotting wounds.
“Red looks so lovely on you,” Alastor murmured as he ran the head of his cock over your bloody folds, staining his skin with your blood before lining up at your opening.
He filled you with one smoothe thrust, pushing through the resistance. Blood didn’t lubricate things very well, but he didn’t care. Alastor cared about one thing only in that moment- ensuring you understood who you belonged to in every way.
He pulled you up by the hand wrapped around your neck, not sparing a thought to how much it hurt. The mirror reflected to you the cold ownership and wild possession in Alastor’s eyes. A shiver ran down your spine as his sharp nose ran along your neck, taking in the scent of you.
He sank deeper and deeper into you, reaching everywhere at once. Your opening burned at the stretch. His size and lack of prep made for a painful intrusion. It was nothing compared to the pain from the deep weeping cuts.
“Do you see now?” Alastor asked, holding you to his chest by the hand wrapped around your throat as he thrust into you harshly, eyes locked with yours in the mirror.
“What?” You gasped, tears running down your face, drops landing on your breasts.
“Do you fucking see it now?” Alastor’s eyes changed red dials growing bright on a black background, antlers branching into wide tines that towered over you as he worked his cock in and out of you. “You belong to me.”
“Ah!” You moaned as his cock slipped in and out of you, eyes dropping to the oozing brand on your hairless mound. “Al-Alastor.”
“That’s right,” he moaned his praise into your ear, shoving you into your hands and knees as he thrust into you harder. Your breathy moans accompanied the echoing sound of his heavy balls slapping against your blood coated clit. Pain and pleasure danced together, becoming one as you and Alastor were. His hand ran over the cuts gouged into your skin, seeking your clit as he fucked into you harshly. “You belong to me.”
You watched him take you in the glossy shadow mirror, each harsh thrust taking you closer and closer to your climax. Possession and power danced around you, through you with every thrust.
“Al-” you moaned, a whimpered whine in your throat as he pulled his hand from your clit, only to scream as he slapped his name carved into you, fingers reaching down to strike your clit.
“Do you want to cum?” Alastor growled in your ear, each thrust reverberating through your whole body.
“Please,” you cried out as he struck you again and again, “Please, Alastor!”
“Who do you belong to?” His fingers returned to your clit in soothing strokes.
“You,” you gasped, “Alastor. Please, I’m so close.”
“Who decides if you are good enough for me?” Static ran over your limbs as you struggled to pull air into your lungs.
“Alastor,” you whine, “You do.”
“That’s right,” Alastor kissed your shoulder as he focused on those last few thrusts, all it would take to push you over the edge. “Now cum.”
You came with a scream, no longer able to support yourself. The only thing that kept you from falling forward was Alastor’s hand around your waist, fingers working over your clit even as your body convulsed around you.
“Good girl,” Alastor said, voice coming from everywhere again as your body pulled him into his own orgasm. Each wave of seed pumped into you was a claim of ownership. You belonged to him.
“I own you,” he growled as his cock twitched, spilling the last of his cum into you as you twitched. “Don’t forget that.”
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It's a Love Story - Chapter 5
Summary:
Azriel's shadows find their master a wife.
Azriel would just really like his heart not to get broken again.
And Sky...well, she's just really surprised that that far too handsome male is interested in her at all.
Warning:
Rhys Bashing (as usual), I classified this as Azriel x OC, even when it't technically Azriel x Sellyn Drake (but we kinda know nothing about Sellyn Drake other than that she writes books so Sky is kinda an OC), Cassian is kinda a good guy for once, Azriel has a horrible time, as usual... Stuttering, toxic families (For once I do not mean the IC), Self-Esteem Issues, Secret Identity, Body Image Issues, Fat Shaming, People being utterly horrible.
If any of this triggers you or makes you uncomfortable, please take care of your own mental health and don't read it.
“Where’s Az?” Mor asked as Nesta and Cassian entered the dining room at the River House.
“Busy,” Cassian said with a shrug, as he pulled out the chair for his mate, greeting the rest of their family with a smile.
Mor cocked her head, a small frown appearing on her face. "Busy?" she repeated, a note of curiosity in her voice. "What's he up to?"
Busy. That had been Azriel’s answer to nearly everything after Koshei. Busy.
Even quieter than usual. Keeping away from all of them…and Cassian still heard that one sentence echo in his head. Better me than you. Like somehow Cassians life was worth more than Azriel’s.
Azriel was just being noble and self-sacrificing as usual, right? Cassian knew that his brother didn't really think that way, didn't really believe that his life was worth less than anyone else's. But still, the words haunted him. He couldn't shake the feeling that somehow, somewhere, he had let Azriel down. That he hadn't been there when his brother had needed him the most.
Maybe he should have tried to talk to him...when it all went down… but then he hadn't realised what exactly was even going on, until Nesta had flatly laid it out for him one evening. Azriel had gotten over Mor only to fall in love with Elain...and that hadn't ended in his favour either.
Cassian grimaced just thinking about it. Azriel deserved to be happy. Azriel deserved a mate that loved him, a female that fucking adored him…and instead his brother had fallen not just for one, but two unavailable females.
And Azriel hadn’t complained. Not once. He had never let it show.
He always kept his emotions hidden under that stoic mask of his, like he was afraid of letting anyone see how much he was hurting. Cassian knew that Azriel would never ask for help, that he would never admit that he needed someone to talk to. But that didn't mean that he didn't need it.
Cassian just wished that he could find a way to get Azriel to open up, to let him in…that wouldn’t involve beating him to a bloody pulp.
Azriel acted like everything was fine. Azriel acted like he didn't care. Cassian knew that it was a mask, knew that it wasn't the truth...but Azriel liked to pretend it was...and maybe it was better to let him pretend.
It wasn't like he was hurting anybody with it, right? He was doing his work just as well as he always did...and if he wanted to spend his free time reading Sellyn Drake books, maybe they should just let him do that…maybe it made him feel better.
"Maybe he's seeing his secret girlfriend," Cassian drawled.
Mor snorted at that suggestion. "Please," she said with a roll of her eyes. "As if Azriel would ever have time for a girlfriend, let alone a secret one."
"You would be surprised," Cassian muttered under his breath. Apparently Azriel had time for reading Sellyn Drake novels while locked into his room, after all.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Mor wondered. "He has been...distant lately," she said with a pout.
Cassian could only stare at her. Mor couldn't be serious right now, could she?
Of course, Azriel was distant to her. Mor had fucking broken his heart and trampled on it to top it off. And Cassian had helped her with through the years. He probably owed Azriel an apology for that as well.
And still, Azriel hadn’t complained. Azriel hadn’t called them out. Azriel had taken it silently. Had even congratulated Mor when her Mating Bond with Emerie had snapped. Had been painfully polite, making painfully sure that he didn’t cross any lines, didn’t make Emerie uncomfortable in any way.
"Just leave him be," Cassian said with a shrug. "He's reading Sellyn Drake novels, he'll be fine,” he waved her off.
Rhys nearly spit his wine over the table and instead started coughing violently. "Azriel is reading Sellyn Drake novels?!" he asked Cassian with an incredious stare.
"Apparently he has trust in Nesta's taste of literature," Cassian answered easily.
Mor raised a skeptical eyebrow. "Sellyn Drake novels?" she repeated, eyeing Cassian like he had gone mad. "Since when does Azriel read those kinds of books? He's not exactly the...romantic type."
Or maybe there just never had been a single person that had appreciated that side of his brother. Who knew what Azriel actually was into.
Elain and Mor weren’t similar in the slightest after all.
Cassian shrugged. "Maybe he's expanding his horizons," he said with a grin. "Or maybe he just wants to see what the fuss is all about. After all, Sellyn Drake is...surprisingly good. Or so I've heard, anyway." He gave a sidelong glance to Nesta, who simply rolled her eyes at him.
Still, out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rhys play absentmindedly with the stem of the wine glass. There was something there...between Rhys and Azriel that Cassian couldn't quite put his finger on. Some kind of tension...some kind of...something.
But lately, it had seemed like that tension had only been getting worse. Like they were both holding something back, like they were both waiting for the other shoe to drop. Cassian couldn't help wondering what would happen when that tension finally snapped.
***
"Winnowing or flying?" Azriel asked Sky as they stepped out into the icy early winter air.
"I...I can't...fly?" Sky answered haltingly, looking at him with these devastating blue eyes. They were beautiful. Not a light blue, not a teal, not bordering on violet…just beautiful near cobalt blue. She probably would match his siphons, he reflected weakly.
"I'll fly, I'll carry you," he gave back with a chuckle. She stared at him like he was insane, her cheeks reddening.
"I...I...you...can...can't carry me. I am too...heavy," she mumbled. Now it was his turn to stare at her.
Azriel couldn't help but scoff at that. "Too heavy?" he repeated, shaking his head in disbelief. "I'm an Illyrian warrior,” he told her drily. “I could carry a full-grown male into battle if I had to,and I have dragged full-grown males off the battlefield…I can carry you.”
Azriel couldn't quite believe what he was hearing. Was she...was she seriously trying to tell him that she was too heavy for him to carry? She just so reached the middle of his chest! She definitely wasn't thin...her body was covered with soft flesh and lush curves, every inch of it soft and inviting...but even if she weighed twice her weight, he would easily be able to carry her. She would probably weigh next to nothing to him.
And yet, he could sense the insecurity in her voice, the way she didn't quite believe that he could carry her.
He stepped closer to her, placing his hand gently under her chin and tilting her head up so that she was looking directly into his eyes. "You are beautiful," he said softly, his voice full of warmth and sincerity. "And I don't care how much you weigh, I can carry you. I want to carry you. Because you are mine and I will always protect you, no matter what."
Her breath hitched at that, and he could see the warmth spreading through her cheeks as her heart began to race. She looked up at him with those stunning blue eyes of hers, her lips parted slightly in surprise and wonder. "You...you really mean that?" she whispered, her voice soft and shaky. "You...you don't mind how big I am?"
Azriel chuckled softly, shaking his head. "No, sweetheart, I don't mind," he said gently. "I think you are absolutely perfect just the way you are. And if I have to carry you to prove it, then that is what I will do." And without another word, he scooped her up into his arms, cradling her against his chest as easily.
She squeaked as they shot up in the sky and then she laughed, the sound bright and beautiful
They soared through the sky together, the wind blowing through their hair and clothes as they flew. The City of Starlight sprawled out beneath them, a beautiful tapestry of color and light. Azriel held her close, feeling the warmth of her body against his, the sound of her heartbeat pulsing in rhythm with his own. He knew that he could never tire of this feeling, of having her in his arms like this.
Sky looked up at him with a smile, her eyes shining with happiness and excitement. "I love this," she breathed.
How very fitting it was for the female that called herself Sky to love flying.
"Good," Azriel said softly, his voice full of warmth. "Because we can do this anytime you want, sweetheart."
They soared higher and higher, until the city below them was nothing but a sparkling sea of lights. Azriel was in his element up here, his wings powerful and graceful as they sliced through the air. He could feel the wind whipping through his hair, the cold night air stinging his skin. But he didn't mind, not with her in his arms. In fact, he felt more alive than he had in months. Years, even.
He flew a loping circle over Velaris, towards the Lake House the shadows had purchased and he thanked them mentally for their foresight. He couldn't very well bring Sky home to the House of Wind...but here...he could take her. It was private and safe...and if the expression of her face was anything to go by, she loved it.
He angled his body towards the Lake House, gliding towards it with expert precision. As they approached, Azriel saw the soft glow of the lights in the windows, the gentle sway of the curtains in the breeze. The lake glittered in the moonlight, the surface of the water undisturbed and serene. It was the perfect place to bring her, a place that he felt she would love just as much as he did.
"You live here?" she wondered, wonder in her voice as she took in the sight.
Azriel felt a warm swell of pride in his chest as he landed smoothly on the deck of the house. "Yes," he said simply, his eyes fixed on her face, watching as she marveled at the house. "I wanted a private place," he admitted. "Somewhere quiet and peaceful, where I could escape from the chaos of my life for a little while.I haven't been there long though, it’s still a work in progress…" he warned her. More like 2 hours before he had met her. "But I love it."
He set her down gently, his hands lingering on her waist for a moment before he stepped back. "Come on," he said softly, holding out his hand to her. "Let me show you inside."
The shadows skittered inside as soon as he opened the door, like a bunch of little busybodies, rightening the curtains there, fluffing pillows on the couch...It seemed to amuse Sky though. "You must ne...never have to deal with a mes...messy kitchen," she teased him
Azriel chuckled at that. "No, the shadows don't like when things are out of place,” he admitted.
It wasn't a lie. But then he didn't like it either.
Like a moth pulled to the flame, Sky was pulled towards his bookcases, fingertips tripping over the spines as she hungrily read the titles.
Azriel suddenly hoped that the shadows had put something other than Sellyn Drake novels in the bookcase, because otherwise he was going to look like a fucking stalker.
He watched with a mix of amusement and apprehension as she examined the bookshelves, his heart pounding in his chest. *Please,* he silently pleaded to the shadows, *please tell me you didn't leave those Sellyn Drake novels on the shelf.* Because if she saw those, it would be disastrous.
The shadows seemed weirdly frozen in place.
"You read Sel...Sellyn Drake?" Sky asked him, sounding delighted and shocked at the same time.
Azriel groaned inwardly, feeling his face flush with embarrassment. "I...yes, I do," he admitted, rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "I...There is...I...I need to tell you something."
"Te...Tell me som...something?" Sky asked, turning towards him, these big beautiful eyes staring at him.
"I...It wasn't a coincidence that I was in that bar tonight," he told her, watching as she stared at him. "The shadows told me to go."
"The...The shad...shadows?" she asked him, looking utterly shocked.
"I...I told them...a few weeks ago...to...find me somebody that....that I could love...somebody that I could make happy. A wife," Azriel admitted. "You were the one they picked."
She stared at him, her mouth falling open slightly. Azriel braced himself for her reaction, not sure what to expect. Would she be angry? Scandalized? Horrified that he had sent his shadows to find him a wife?
She stared at him wide-eyed. "You...You as…asked yo…your sha..shadows to fi…find you a wi…wife?!" she asked him, repeating his words back at him.
He could feel his cheeks reddening but nodded nonetheless. "...are you angry?" he asked her weakly.
Sky stared at him for a moment, but then she shook her head. "No, No...no, I'm not," she repeated again, her voice trembling slightly. "I'm...I'm flat…flattered, actually...Though...though I am cu..curious what it…what it was about me that...made…made them pick me," she admitted.
For the first time in his life, his shadows talked to somebody other than Azriel. *We thought you would treat Master like you treat your cat,* the shadows told her brightly.
She blinked at the bunch of shadows that had gathered in front of her.
"You...You...You want me to...treat Az..Azriel like...like a cat?" she asked them incrediously.
Azriel spluttered, his cheeks burning with mortification. He hadn't expected the shadows to be so blunt, and the idea of her treating him like a cat was...well, it was absurd, to say the least. He wanted her to be his mate, his equal, not to treat him as if he were some kind of pet.
"No, no," he quickly interjected, trying to salvage the situation. "They...they don't mean it like that, Sky. The shadows have their own...unique way of looking at things. Please just...just forget they ever said that."
Sky fixed him with a look. "What do you mean?" she asked the shadows.
*You love your cat,* the shadows said quickly. *You buy him ridiculous overpriced Tuna, and you let him sleep in your bed and you scratch him behind the ears. You even knitted him a sweater!*
Azriel winced, feeling his embarrassment and mortification rising even further.
"That...thats not important," he mumbled, feeling like he was on the verge of spontaneously combusting from embarrassment. "The shadows...they have a habit of exaggerating things. Just...please, don't take them too seriously. I'm not expecting you to treat me like a cat, I swear."
Sky looked at him, then at the Shadows, then at Azriel again. She seemed to be lost in thought, clearly trying to decipher what the shadows meant.
"You..You want your mas…master to be tre…treated...well?" Sky finally asked the shadows, her tone of voice serious. "You pick…picked me because I...be..because I was nice to my cat?" she asked them curiously.
*You are so kind,* the shadows said softly. And so pretty. And we knew you would treat Master well and wouldn't judge him.*
Sky blushed at the compliment.
Azriel felt a sense of relief wash over him as the conversation shifted away from the whole "cat" thing. He had to admit, the shadows were right. Sky had been nothing but kind and considerate towards him since they met, and he was grateful for that. Still, he couldn't help but feel a bit embarrassed by the whole situation.
"Look...I apologize for the shadows' behavior," he said to Sky, his voice soft. "They can be a bit...blunt, sometimes."
"I…I un…understand where they are com…coming from," she said nearly thoughtfully. "They just...want to see you hap…happy?" she said carefully and he nodded.
"Yes."
"Though they…they don't seem to have much of a sense of boun…boundaries," Sky said with a laugh. "You hid in my apartment didn't you?" she asked the shadows.
Azriel cringed as the shadows seemed to twirl in agreement. He had hoped that particular detail would have gone unnoticed, but he should have known better. Sky was too observant for her own good.
"Yes, they did," he admitted reluctantly. "I'm sorry about that. They...they have a tendency to go where they please."
Sky still mustered the shadows that were twitching in front of her
"I…I prom…promise to t…treat your ma…master well." Sky said seriously. "He's my mate."
Azriel felt his heart skip a beat at her words. The sound of that word coming from her lips made his knees weak.
He stepped forward, closing the distance between them and taking her hands in his. "And I promise to treat you well too," he swore fervently.
"And I'll…I’ll even knit him a swea…sweater," Sky continued, looking at the shadows.. "I…I don't know if he likes Tu…tuna, but I'll…buy him some… sweets."
He couldn’t help but laugh at her words, feeling a surge of affection for her that was almost overwhelming. "Sky," he said softly, looking into her eyes. "You don't have to do any of that for me. Just being with you is more than I could ever ask for.But...if you are willing to knit me a sweater, I surely won't say no to it," he added with a laugh. "And maybe you could try scratching me behind the ears too, just in case the shadows are right."
He meant it as a joke, but there was a part of him that was secretly delighted by the idea of her spoiling and doting on him. Maybe, just maybe, the shadows were onto something after all.
"And...who knows, maybe I'll develop a taste for Tuna," he added, grinning playfully. "As long as it's the fancy kind, that is."
He kissed her forehead gently, holding her close for a moment longer before finally pulling away. "But Sky…you don’t have to do all of that…Just being with you is enough."
She smiled up at him, beautiful and blinding and he couldn't help but kiss her.
As his lips met hers, Azriel felt a wave of warmth and tenderness wash over him. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close as he deepened the kiss. In that moment, nothing else mattered. Not the shadows, not the world outside, nothing but her.
He broke the kiss reluctantly, resting his forehead against hers as he caught his breath.
"You…You can absolutely sleep in my bed with me," she whispered. "Or I'll sleep in yours," she offered, a grin on her face... and that was all he needed to hear, as he picked her up again.
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