#you could have had any internal struggle for rey and you chose...........that

[asterdeer]

i just realized the reason the “rey nobody/rey skywalker/rey kenobi/rey palpatine” stuff never worked for me as a source of angst is the same reason that chewie being bequeathed leia’s medal at the end of tros didn’t work for jay exci in their “tros is an embarrassment” video, and that reason is that it’s a question not meant for the story but for the audience

the sequel’s whole sense of tension is built around Who Rey Is because i guess the writers thought we want a Luke I Am Your Father moment, when the Luke I Am Your Father moment was never a driving force for the ot - we’re not interested in lineage but in personal connection. the only reason it matters that vader is luke’s father is what luke does with that information. we don’t question luke having force powers in a new hope because he’s a ““nobody”“ (granted the concept of a skywalker lineage doesn’t exist yet, but still), we don’t even assume in empire that luke’s force power comes from vader. i don’t think we ever came close to assuming that force sensitivity is lineal at all - it’s not a question of a force dynasty, luke doesn’t get any power or importance from being vader’s son, it’s literally never brought up by anyone in the movies aside from luke, leia, vader, and palpatine. it’s so close to being a non-issue it kind of blows my mind the more i think about it. it’s not even because vader is his father that luke ultimately stops from killing him - maybe the final vader/luke duel would have had the same ending if vader had been just a big scary villain with no personal connection to luke, because luke doesn’t think “oh i can’t kill my father”, he thinks “oh i can’t kill anyone in anger”. at least strictly in movie canon, no one gives a shit about luke’s lineage other than luke and leia and the bad guys. 

the prequel trilogy on the other hand also doesn’t give a shit about lineage past the first movie, and it’s no big secret. anakin is just Force Jesus and that’s that on that. shmi virgin birth’d him and we never hear ANY of it EVER AGAIN even in phantom menace. it’s 100% a non-issue. the prequels take place when the jedi order is, if not thriving, at least at some amount of strength, and we see hundreds of jedi whose presence in the jedi order is never explained by force dynasties or lineages. i can’t stress this enough but it’s a non-issue. no one gives a shit about “anyone can be a jedi” because literally anyone can be a jedi. do we care where obi-wan “got” the force? qui-gon? mace windu? fucking yoda? hell no. we don’t need their breeding papers ffs. they’re just jedi and they came from anywhere (unless we get into tie-in materials but a lot of people don’t). i just noticed that there’s (i think) a kaminoan jedi on the council in phantom menace which doesn’t really prove anything, i just thought it was cool. so one more time for jj abrams, rian johnson, chris terrio, lawrence kasdan, etc - no one. gives. a shit. about. force. lineages.

in the sequel trilogy, everyone is so wrapped up in Who Rey Is that they never actually give her a personality past tfa, just a ~mysterious past~ and a poorly executed identity crisis, all for the audience’s sake, because the writers think we care about Who Rey(’s Parents Are) when we couldn’t give less of a shit, we just want a fun flawed desert girl getting force powers and kicking space nazi ass. the whole “rey nobody subverts expectations because it shows jedi can come from anywhere!!!!” thing subverts NOTHING because there was no previous expectation that she was a skywalker or a kenobi or (god help us) a palpatine or a whatever, because there is no belief that only skywalkers can be force-users because most of us have seen the prequel trilogy, or have heard about that thing called the jedi order which was def not populated solely by skywalkers and palpatines, or have, you know, at least heard of obi-wan kenobi and yoda, because we’re not fucking imbeciles and we understand that anyone can be a force-user...... until tfa went to great lengths to set us up to expect something from her lineage. rian fucking johnson didn’t go “you elitist fucks, thinking every main star wars jedi has to be a skywalker for no reason!!!!” and then really give us what we deserved for being skywalker snobs by making rey a nobody. he was like “you know that hint that you were given in good faith in tfa that rey’s parentage was a plot point? well fuck you, it was nothing, don’t you feel silly sitting there with your snobbery around your ankles", like an asshole. i don’t want to talk about tros.

so, yeah. rey’s lineage was not and never was an organic element in the actual story of the sequels. it was thrown in because of some misguided idea that Skywalker Lineage is an important thing in star wars lore when it’s absolutely 100% not, even just in the movies. it was an example of writers talking down to the audience - us - and telling stories based on inaccurate/questionable star wars tropes, preconceived notions, and surface-level assumptions instead of by people who actually cared about the messages and ideals of star wars and have more than two star wars-themed brain cells to rub together.

“rey skywalker” my fucking foot

[mandochlorian]

white flag (kylo ren x reader)

part I part II part III

summary: sneaking out of the resistance base on Ajan Kloss isn’t the safest idea. but you have to reach out to Ben just once more, in case you never see him again.

song inspiration

general masterlist

star wars masterlist

You try to stop your hands from trembling, watching them as they rest upon the Millenium Falcons controls. The cockpit is silent, harbouring the sound of your breathing alone, you’re nervous. Stars, you’re so terrified of seeing him again. And you’re terrified of making it back to the Resistance base and forgetting all about Ben Solo, or having to forget about him.

The small planet of Pasaana comes into view and you suck in a deep breath, knowing he’s here along with your friends. They have no way of escaping, the Resistance was hesitant to send a scout in fear of losing more numbers, so you left to help your friends; at least that’s what you’ll tell Leia when she scolds you for putting yourself in danger in front of Kylo Ren.

“Alright,” you mumble to yourself nervously, “Let’s do this.” 

Bringing the ship into land in a field of sand, you eye the small village before you. It’s filled with a crowd of people. As the Falcon settles on the sand, you can hear the music blasting from just past the small sand dune. Passing the corridor, you head to the boarding ramp, your lightsaber by your side. But as soon as the boarding ramp is halfway down, there are blasters being fired at you. Hitting the button to your side, the doors halt halfway, prompting a stormtrooper to poke his head through the gap. You use this as an opportunity to knock him back with the end of you saber before the ramp continues to open. 

The trooper lays on the floor, holding his head. Stretching a hand out to him, you send him into a deep sleep and head towards the sand dune. Standing on top of it, you look out to see absolute heaven. You can’t stop the smile that reaches your face, the people dancing, singing, families crowded around one another, eating, laughing... happy. 

This planet is at peace, even with a war raging on. Just as quickly as the feeling of joy had appeared, something tugs at your chest. You know the force enough to know what this feeling is. Walking from the village, you make your way to the middle of the desert. And you wait. You sit, cross-legged, waiting, eye closed as you reach out. 

A frown makes it’s way to your face as you try not to let the tears fall. “Ben,” you whisper, feeling Kylo approach you. You open your eyes gently to the sound of a ship ripping through the air. It’s him. He lands. You stand up to meet him, seeing him exit the tie fighter. 

Clenching your teeth together, you watch him as he marches towards you. His lightsaber ignites, crackling and hissing at his side as he stops in front of you. “Get out of my way.” His deep voice rings out, barely sounding like himself through the mask.

Your weapon stays on your hilt, comfortably, “Take that helmet off.” 

“I won’t take this helmet off ever again.”

His posture is stiff, as though he’s trying to hold the tremble of rage flowing through him. You’re patient and considerate, and you don’t raise your voice at the man before you. “Then consider this the last time anyone will see your face. Your true face.” 

Without a single word, Kylo takes it off. He holds it by his side, looking to you expectantly. He speaks. “Well? Have you decided whether you’re going to live or die yet?”

That comment makes you laugh a little and you look to the sky, “You have to decide that yourself. I just want to talk to you.”

“I don’t have time to talk to Rebel scum like you-”

“Then just listen,” you tell him, looking into his eyes solemnly. “How can you choose to be evil when you feel the light? When you know what’s right and what’s wrong?”

“Anger.” He whispers back quietly. His voice is low and deep, holding a lifetime of vengeance. Kylo glances up at his father's ship, “Anger makes it difficult to see what’s in front of me.” 

“I’m in front of you.” You tell him, “For the last time ever.”

Kylo’s face then changes. He turns his lightsaber off, puts it back on its hilt. “Y/N,” His voice lowers, seeing the look in your eyes. His own eyes narrow at you, squinting slightly. He can’t sense your intentions, “Why are you here?” 

You promised yourself you wouldn’t get emotional. But there’s no way you can’t. Without a word, you hold your hand out for him to take. Kylo stares at you blankly, not even giving your hand a single glance. You don’t want him to see you cry. Not now. Not when you have to be stronger than you’ve ever been. Frowning, you rip your hand away from him and turn around to wipe a tear from under your eye. 

You pause before you admit to him, “I love you.”

Kylo pauses, his eyes wide in disbelief mixed with shock, “Still?” He whispers to you, unable to stop the memories of you two. Memories from your childhood, from training, from time spent together on the Resistance Base, “You shouldn’t.”

“I know,” you cry out, looking down at your feet, “And I shouldn’t be telling you... But even if I didn’t tell you, I’d still feel it.”

Kylo sneers at you, trying to ignore the pain he feels at your sorrow, “Why are you making this so hard for me?” 

You shake your head, letting out a laugh, “I’m not trying to. Really, I’m not.” You admit to him, placing a hand to your heart as you sniff, “This is hard for me too, understand that...” Swallowing the lump in your throat, you examine his features. 

Kylo notices how you admire him and he looks down, sucking the inside of his cheeks gently. Part of him feels this internal struggle to push you away, to force all good things from his life. “Hard for you?” He speaks up, taking the same route he’s been trying for years, “You chose this for yourself! Why did you have to be part of the Resistance? You could’ve lived a quiet life, settled down... you could've had no part in this story. Wouldn’t that have been easier?”

“Maybe,” you blink, knowing it would’ve been a pointless life, “But I didn’t give up on you back then. That’s the choice I made.” 

“You’re a fool.”

Your eyes flutter with tears, “Baby-”

“No! You are!” He exclaims, his chest heaving, “You think there‘s hope for me still? You made your decision, let me make mine.”

You shake your head at him, wanting nothing more than you hold him and take him home, “I know this isn’t you, you don’t have to do this. Ben... Ben, you’re breaking my heart.”

“Then let it break!” He shrugs, his eyes wide and wild with anger and confusion, “Let it turn hateful towards me! That’s what everyone else has done. Wouldn’t that be easier?”

“None of this is easy!” You finally shout back at him, pointing to him then to yourself, “You, me, nothing has ever come easy for us! But you started a war, you went down a path that wasn’t made for you, Ben. And I’m afraid that-”

“What?” He mutters, taking a step closer to you, “What are you afraid of?” Kylo asks, half expecting you to say his name.

“If you don’t turn back now...” You mumble, feeling the tears build up in your eyes, “It can only end with one of us dead.”

Kylo tilts his head slightly, his own eyes staring into yours; red, examining, unthreatened. “Have you come to kill me, Y/N? Or to save my soul?”

You ignore his question, settling to answer it with a decision you’ve made, “This is the last time we meet on these terms.” You tell him, watching his expression change.

Kylo bites the inside of his cheek, knowing exactly what you mean. It wasn’t uncommon for the two of you to meet one another, share secret and guilty moments together. If this were more private, and the two of you were on an uninhabited planet, you’re sure his arms would be around you. No one knew about it, of course. Not even Snoke, not even General Leia, not even Rey or Poe. It was your secret to keep. every once in a while, you would talk to one another, you would ignore the fact that your heart would be breaking at his dark clothes and his plagued mind. 

Kylo gulps. Kylo pretends that doesn’t affect him. But Kylo also knows that you are the only one who gives him the strength to go on. You locked yourself in your room for two days, bridging yourselves through the force just so you could help him overcome his grief for his father. “So you are giving up on me, then?” He spits, walking past you, almost circling you as he looks up at the Falcon.

“No,” you shake your head, following his movements, “Never.”

“But you won’t see me anymore?” He states matter of factly, snapping around to look at you. His eyes convey something different... fear? “You’ll block me out, even with the force.”

“Yes.” You suck in a deep breath, taking a step closer to Ben. You don’t care if there are people looking for the two of you on this planet. You place a hand on his cheek. Kylo holds himself back, but can’t help but lean against your gentle touch. “I won’t ever stop loving you and I will never lose the hope that you can return home,” You whisper to him, gently dragging your thumb across his cheek. His eyes shut sweetly, and for a moment he looks like he’s in peace, “But this war needs to come to an end.” He opens his eyes, gazing at you as you speak, “The Resistance are fighters. I’m one of them. And I’ll die before I ever give up on ending this war. Don’t expect me to put my hands up and surrender to you, Ben, because it’s not going to happen. We need to accept that we’re on opposites sides of this war, and I will go down with this ship.”

“Will I really never see you again?”

“No,” you tell him, your hand coming to rest on his chest, “Not like this, at least. When we meet, which I’m sure we will, I’ll still love you. And it will still kill me. There isn’t any way I’d ever stop loving you, Ben, even now after all you’ve done, I... I can’t stop needing you. Wanting you.” Feeling more tears surface, you step away from him. You wipe your eyes with your sleeve, sniffing quietly, “And that’s why I’m doing this. If you won’t join me... then I can’t keep letting people die at your hand while I secretly meet you in the night.” 

“If I knew this was the last time, I...” He cuts himself off, standing up straighter as though he isn’t tearing up at the loss of the only person who loves him. Kylo sniffs, wiping his eyes and moving away from you, “I love you.” He says casually, frowning as he begins to walk away from you. Kylo turns his head slightly, pain running through his chest as he heads towards his tie fighter, “I’ll see you on the battlefield.” 

Suddenly, his hand is out, facing the sand dune. A laser remains mid-air, once fired from Finn's blaster. Your eyes are wide. You watch Rey, Poe, and Finn rush towards the Falcon, chased by stormtroopers. Walking past the beam, Kylo puts his hand down and allows the laser to hit the sand and dissipate.

“Once we get the hell out of here, you need to tell us what the hell is going on,” Poe announces, shooting down some troopers as he rushes past you to get into the Falcon. Seeing Rey and Finn fighting the troopers off, you use the force to knock your enemies on their feet, allowing them to run onboard. They’re confused, you can tell, they’re wondering why Kylo Ren didn’t put up more of a fight. Why did he let them escape with their lives? It’s unlike him to be passive.

Hearing the ship roar to life, you tear your eyes away from Kylo. You make your way on board, heading straight to the cockpit and into the pilot's seat. Punching in co-ordinates for anywhere other than here, you take a breath before the ship takes off, speeding into the air unfollowed. 

Goodbye, Ben.

[reylo-love-theme]

Specific personal reasons why Ben dying really hurt

Disclaimer: i know people have had many dif reactions to this movie and for those of you that liked it good for you. this is my personal opinion on my own blog so please don't attack or debate me in the comments just go make your own post please if you feel that. I respect you all and I'm just trying to cope.

This post is for people who are in a similar situation as me and want a place to relate or their thoughts turned into words.

1. I'm a childhood abuse victim myself and 2019 was a terrible year full of my trying to deal with my past and my cptsd and my toxic shame. I barely made it.

Ben Solo was a reminder that it's not too late to save yourself and that people you love do care for you. I literally leaned solely on reylo fanfiction during my darkest times for this aspect of hurt/comfort and redemption and recovery.

2. I had never went to watch a movie of my own free will (see number 1). Doing this was terrifying since I had to overcome so many triggers. I chose to watch TROS so that it would end my year on a happy note with a postive message of hope, love and recovery.

3. The only reason that I shipped Reylo was because I had investigated very throughly and had become certain they would get a happy ending.

I have a tendency of relying on fictional characters for the support I do not have in real life so I needed to choose who I love very carefully or else when I loose them I'm actually in terrible pain.

The worst thing was that I wasn't prepared for it. (Preparing and being nihilist had given me depression and I literally pulled myself out of that thought process for this hope of Ben living. It seemed so close to happening and I got stabbed in the stomach and left in a puddle of blood)

Now, I'm struggling really hard not to blame myself for falling for false hope again (I had made that mistake once and swore off hope for like 11 years) (even though I know that being so cynical is terrible for my health)

4.I stepped on Reylo in 2018/2019 fully and spent a whole year looking forward to this movie. It brought me so much joy and I tamped out my inner cynic that said "putting your hope in something you love will only let you down".

I told myself that even with all that has happened in 2019, making it to December and watching the movie would be symbolic for me (a way of saying "look world, I made it.")

5. The message the movie sends me is just.... I really can't. I don't understand why it couldn't be a happy ending for Ben who literally redeemed himself. For me personally, I don't consider a kiss and a smile and then death a happy ending. What does that mean for me? A person who related so heavily to this broken struggling character. Does it mean that all my pain was worth nothing in the end? That those who I love will never love me back or remember me or even care that I was abused and my trauma made me a literal walking self-defence mechanism? That the only ending the general population accepts as morally correct is for "bad" abuse victims to die?

And the message of Ben dying for someone he loves (while not a bad trope) is toxic because of the way it is shown. Even with the emoting on Rey's behalf, it's not enough to justify someone dying for that. (There just isn't enough romance or support from Rey (unlike TLJ)) It seemed like an unbalenced love (because of the way Rey just kept on rejecting him and hurting him without really trying to help (until the end where literally he sacrificed himself, would someone who loved you do that?)

And the additional message that Ben's family would help a random stranger but not the person that literally needed them and still loved them after all the abandoment he went through. My family literally turned a blind eye (or just blamed me as a weakling for reacting to it) to my abuse and that is what happens to Ben. Even at his death, not one single member of his family (Han was just a memory) was there to mourn him or even help him (Leia's disappearance thing I'm so confused on what the heck happened, why the heck did Maz smile if Ben just literally died and his mom died trying to save him.)

And no one bothered to be on his side, he literally had to redeem himself the whole way. That isn't a good message to people who need help. It's literally saying that you are the only one who can save yourself (not a bad message by itself but the strength of the message comes from the fact that others can stand by you as you save yourself not BECAUSE NO ONE ELSE WILL OR WILL HELP YOU)

Anakin sidelineing him for Rey was just salt in the wound.

As someone who's pain was literally ignored and laughed at by the whole family, this was immensely rage inducing.

And what about rey and her character development? I also had related to her for being abandoned by her parents and left to fend for herself. She was a nobody who was strong on her own. She didn't need to be related to a strong lineage. Additonally, ending up all alone on the same kind of desert she started at is not a good message. ( I get the nostalgia thing but they could have literally used any other character, Rey wasn't a good choice for that scene) First off, she wanted to get off jakku. She wanted a family. Ben told her she wasn't alone. Next, she needed to realize that being a nobody didn't mean she was worthless ( a strong and powerful message to ordinary girls) (not find out oops i was from a loving family all along!!!) That isn't good plot when she literally spend two movies recovering from her parents abandonment (it makes it seem like ohhh they loved you and this was the only best

thing they could do!! XOXO (this is a common victim blaming trick abuse apologizers use to silence victims pain)) it would have made sense if she found this out earlier but to do this to an already developed character arc is just sucky. Her turning dark influenced by palp is not as good a message as her turning dark influenced by her past and her overcoming it anyway. For star wars, a theme has always been hope, love and redemption and I feel like the theme was picked up but not carried through in one character, instead spread throughout everyone but leaving a sense of unsatisfactory ending since no one really ended their arc. (In my opinion, you can have a different one)

6. Ben dying. That is just cruel and sadistic..there were already so many "surprise they are alive illogically!" Moments that JJ could literally have pulled one for Ben a final time and no one would have batted an eye. It would have suited the style of the movie. It was such a bad shock for me. The movie already baited my heart several times with Ben nearly dying and I cheered internally when he came back. I held out my hope till the very end of the credits and this movie just made of fool of me. I was ready to gloss over any and all flaws and buy merch if only Ben had been loved and lived.

7. The way it affected me. (Warning this might be upsetting to read so skip if you don't want to hear about mental health right now)

I was in so much shock as I stumbled out of the theater that I literallt thought I was going to be okay. I couldn't feel anything and I felt sick and empty. (That's not a reaction a star wars movie should give or any "hopeful" movie)(this is coming from someone who has watched the sacrifical death trope many times and cried (it was a good hurt))

This wasn't because there was literally no resolution or purpose to the death. It seemed like a cliche trope failure of redemption=death. But with the added on "no mourning, superfical loss". (It would have been more acceptably had it been a side character, bad writing can excuse it, but for a main half of the protagonist this is just sick)

I wandered home mechanically on Friday and then as soon as I thought back to the scene where Ben smiled and died I broke down crying. And I lost all my appetite and felt nauseous for an entire two days. I barely ate two meals during that time because I was so distraught and my mental health crashed completely back into my worse cptsd symptoms and nightmares and insomnia and waking up to panic attacks. I wasn't functioning, I kept trying to pull myself together but my only postive coping mechanism(reading reylo fanfiction) was gone. In fact I felt betrayed that my coping mechanism would actually be the cause of my pain.

I completely felt like those two days were actually traumatizing and as someone who has actually experienced traumatic events I'm using the word in a serious way. Anything can hurt you badly enough if you put enough of your heart and vulnerability into it.

Now it's Monday I'm just trying to recover enough to go outside again but I feel really tired. I'm trying to salvage my christmas and my life as a big middle finger to whoever decided that abuse and mental health could be used as convenient plot points and just discarded and laughed at.

[myaekingheart]

You've been visited by the random OC question fairy! :D ~☆

Happy International Women's Day! What is your OC's relationship with being a woman? How has being female affected their upbringing and/or their past? How does being female affect their actions, thoughts, and relationships with others, if at all?

Hi OC Questions Fairy! 

I’m gonna answer this for all of my female OCs so they each get a little attention so this might take a minute hahaha With Rei, it was never so much of an issue of being a woman than it was an issue of what was expected of her as a woman. Her parents had a very specific vision in mind for the type of life they wanted for her that involved the usual “get married, have babies, be a housewife” route. And while Rei has always yearned to be a wife and a mother, she also has always yearned to be a ninja. The opposition of her family about her becoming a ninja, however, led her to believe that she could not do both and for a long time she suppressed her desire for domesticity in order to focus entirely on her career.  Which is also telling of Rei’s mother, Hana. She had sort of an opposite experience in that her family wanted her to become a ninja and take advantage of the Yamanaka’s kekkei genkai, the mind transfer technique, but Hana was not fit for becoming a ninja. Every time she tried to use the family jutsu, she would get splitting migraines. She never even wanted to become a ninja in the first place, however, and feels right at home fulfilling her expected gender roles.  Kakashi’s mother, Aijo, never really played by the rules when it came to femininity. She was always kind of feral and wild, she didn’t have any reservations about getting down and dirty in her work.  Rei’s grandmother, Teiko, had very much the same path as Rei. Her family had no interest in shinobi whatsoever, but Teiko had a gift and she was drawn to ninja work. She also kind of defied what was expected of her for a really long time and tried to balance both a ninja career and being a mother but she ultimately had to make a sacrifice and choose her family over everything else.  Teiko’s old teammates, Komori and Edna, have interesting relationships with their womanhood. Komori is kind of eccentric and materialistic in a way. She has a twin brother, Rojin, and together they run the local antiques shop. She never really felt like she was not on equal footing compared to her brother, but she also worked very hard to become a solid ninja. She was ready to give it up in a heartbeat in order to be the best mother she could to her children, though. Edna is the type who loves being a woman and engaging in things that are deemed “womanly.” Though she, too, was a fearsome ninja, she is also an expert in fashion and even runs the local high-end kimono shop. She’s the type who just absolutely revels in everything that she’s allowed to do and expected to do as a woman and she does those things with utmost confidence.  Komori’s granddaughter, Suisen, struggles with not just womanhood but existing in a body in general. She deals with an eating disorder and therefore has struggled a lot with body image, peer pressure, and a sense of control, all of which are not exclusively feminine issues but are definitely influenced by those issues.  Edna has two granddaughters, Sefure and Arai, who could not be more different. Sefure is far more feminine than her younger sister, but at a price. She has adopted that maternal instinct of wanting to provide for her sister, while Arai has the instinct to protect. In turn, Sefure has learned to use her womanhood and sex appeal for a source of income in order to support her sister, who instead turns to shinobi work and yearns to prove herself as strong and capable so that she can create a better life for the two of them.  Rei’s teammate and best friend, Sekkachi, has a similar issue to Rei in that she has certain expectations pinned on her by her family. Sekkachi wants nothing to do with them, though. She refuses to become the doting wife and mother--it’s just not in her blood. She is, instead, the strong, independent woman type but with a fault. She wants to have companionship but she struggles with accepting others into her life and allowing herself to be vulnerable. She’s built up an impenetrable wall and keeps up this facade of being unaffected and aloof. And while we’re on the subject of her and womanhood, it’s also important to note how significant woman are to her as a lesbian, so despite her bluntness and her independence, she of course tries her best to support women (even if sometimes her support seems like the opposite, in terms of her and Rei’s relationship where they butt heads constantly and she tends to criticize Rei’s life choices once and a while. All in all, she’s not perfect.)  Rei’s other teammate and childhood best friend, Naru, definitely also revelled in her femininity much like Edna and Sefure do. Naru has charm, she’s popular, and she always knows everyone’s business because she feels like she has a responsibility to be a nexus of information. She’s bubbly and bright but also knows how to use her feminine charm to her own benefit, i.e. manipulation and genjutsu.  Rei, Sekkachi, and Naru’s sensei is Chikara, a former dancer turned shinobi. Chikara has a very vast knowledge of what it means to be a woman in this profession but rather than fight against that inequality, she teaches her students how to use that to their advantage. She taught her students choreographed dance routines and as a team, they created an entire ensemble alter ego of rave dancers to perform at a local club where many enemy ninja are often attracted so that in this way, the girls essentially weaponize their femininity in order to lure criminals to their deaths.  And on the subject of weaponizing femininity, none do this better than Tenshi. While she also exemplifies some of the negative social aspects of being a woman such as sexualization and competition, she uses her sex appeal to lure men so that she can get what she wants. And often times what she wants are eyeballs. Specifically Sharingan. Because she works for Danzo. This is why she is currently in jail.  Mikazuki doesn’t really feel very tied to her identity as a woman, I don’t think? She’s very spiritual and while she’s also very feminine in the way she presents herself, as well as demure and shy, I don’t think she really focuses much on the fact that she’s a woman. I know in terms of sexuality, none of it matters to her one bit. She’s more concerned with what type of person you are than what gender you are, though she definitely is aware of the inherent inequality of being a woman. After all, she’s in this shinobi business, too, which doesn’t really let you forget about that.  In terms of Sekkachi’s family, her grandmother Kohai’s entire backstory hinges on her womanhood. She migrated to the Konoha because she dared to practice a sense of agency over her female existence in terminating an unwanted pregnancy, which her family disowned her for. She knew that she made the right decision for herself, however, and went on to carry that with a sense of self-acceptance--as well as a reclamation of the term fumeiyo, which means dishonor, and was the surname she chose for herself when she branched out on her own.  Sekkachi’s cousin, Tenjikubotan, is another woman who soaks up all the advantages of her womanhood. She behaves like a socialite and enjoys the company of attractive men, as well as making herself attractive for them.  Tenjikubotan’s younger sister, Roru, is far less concerned with appearances. She just wants to follow in her cousin Sekkachi’s footsteps and become a badass ninja. She isn’t entirely concerned with what effect her womanhood might have on her, which perhaps is merely a positive sign that her much younger generation is making strides toward gender equality in the shinobi world.  While these two are more minor characters, I really want to include Amai and Hiretsuna, as well. Amai is very much invested in her womanhood and she enjoys engaging in the cute and the feminine. She is a waitress at the local dango shop and loves pink and sweet things and cute animals. She just wants to exist as something bright and positive and to make people smile. Hiretsuna is far more subtle in her femininity, but is feminine nonetheless. She works reception at the hospital and definitely engages in the local gossip and fantasizing about attractive men, even if it’s far more fairytale-esque and fluffy than sexual.  Sosei and Seiiku are middle-aged twins who work in the hospital and represent the significance of mental and physical/reproductive health for everyone but especially women. Sosei works in the mental health ward as a leader for group therapy and inpatient treatment, a role that she takes very seriously. She is passionate about mental health and the inherent sense of healing that comes from community and communication. Her sister, Seiiku, is the head of the maternity ward and is very passionate about reproduction, pregnancy, childbirth. She has a very holistic, female empowerment approach with an emphasis on expecting mothers taking charge of their own birthing experience. 

Seiiku’s star pupil is Tanjo, who had a really interesting struggle with accepting her womanhood. She was initially an enemy ninja sent to Konoha to gain intel but her mission was quickly sidetracked when she began experiencing severe abdominal pains and had to be rushed to the hospital where she discovered she was in labor and she didn’t even know she was pregnant.* This startling and life-changing incident at first left her reeling and with very little sense of direction but she decided to take charge of her own life after this and train to become a midwife herself as a way to regain control over a situation in which she had none. She is very much supportive but also a tough-love type of woman who went through a very traumatic experience but came out the other side better for it and having found a true passion in helping other women and empowering them the way that she wished she had felt when she gave birth.  *This whole chapter originally began as a gag based on the fact that Kakashi Hatake’s English voice actor, Dave Wittenberg, also narrated I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant. The characters and plot points from this chapter, however, expanded to something far more developed so now here we are.  I have more characters that I could speak on on this because about ninety percent of my OCs are women but this is already getting really long and I feel like there’s a pattern in the way I write female characters so many of them will probably sound the same in terms of the way they approach womanhood and the influence that being a woman has on them. I think this is a pretty well-rounded group to have answered this for, though. Thank you for asking! 

[elopez7228]

Scenic Route 22/47

Read on AO3 : https://archiveofourown.org/works/18268208/chapters/43229774 

Start over : https://elopez7228.tumblr.com/post/620919089893933056/scenic-route-0147

***

"What does that give us?" Leia asked, looking over Rose's shoulder as she typed.

They were working in what could only be called a basement. Daylight crept through a dusty air vent, struggling to illuminate the room. Inside sat several tables, all of which were covered with some combination of food containers, dossiers, loose leaf papers and computer equipment.

A third member, a thirty-something blonde woman named Kaydel Connix, was perched on the used antique sofa on the opposite side of the room. Every now and then she took a sip from a can of Dr. Pepper.

“Not bad,” Rose replied. “Our videos generated some buzz online but the articles weren’t too widely shared. Ecology did a blog post on the First Order’s building projects which was picked up by WWF and Greenpeace. It was shared on Twitter a couple thousand times including by a few celebrities. But that’s not enough. The donation petition circling among university faculty will only give us ten or twenty thousand dollars at most. It’ll barely be enough to cover litigation costs if the plan falls through.”

“We will win,” Leia assured her, placing a firm hand on her shoulder. “And when we do, the damages that FORCE will be responsible for will easily cost millions, believe me.”

Rose turned to face her aging mentor. “Leia, what if we don’t make it this time?”

Leia resisted the urge to answer indirectly, preferably with a metaphor. She could tell that Rose needed something more, a moment of honesty from the heart. She closed her eyes briefly, centering herself.

“Then we start over, we seek allies elsewhere. We are the spark of hope, that will light the fire, that will burn the First Order down.”

Rose nodded, pursing her lips. The stakes were high. All their forces had been on the ground for months, setting the stage for the ultimate blow that would take this multinational corporation down. They were everywhere: reaching out to PR personnel, leading demonstrations in the streets, blasting their message on social media, speaking to local officials, and even doing international relations. Their entire strategy rested on the element of surprise and the high volume of media attention that the results of the trial would achieve. If the chain of events faltered even slightly, FORCE would have an unequivocal victory.

But as the big day approached, their little band of rebels looked ever weaker.

Their secret informant and metaphorical  coal mine canary, Galen Erso, risked his livelihood every day. His true identity was only known by the Skywalkers and their lawyer, Amilyn. He was at the mercy of Hux and Phasma. They ran a tight ship; Lord knew what means they had to control every aspect of operations within the First Order. They could have already decided to monitor his every move for suspicious activity.

The Earth Soldiers legal team, led by Amilyn, also consisted of Larma D’Acy and Gial Ackbar, who along with their assistants and paralegals formed a team of twenty four. In addition, a small army of volunteers around the United States formed the basis of their campaign. It was absolutely imperative that all eyes were on the California Supreme Court in San Francisco as the verdict came out. Leia and Rose were the primary mouthpieces in the media, appearing publicly to attract large crowds.

The final piece of their plan relied on the incriminating contents of a micro-SD chip that would once and for all obliterate the credibility of the First Order. It was currently in the hands of an English tourist, who had just finished taking a proper bath and playing fetch with a small orange dog.

“What about the documents?” Rose sighed in frustration. “Are you sure this girl is going to deliver them in one piece, on time? What if she misplaces them or something?”

“We’re definitely taking a risk here. But she doesn’t seem to have any ulterior motives. All she wants to do is to get from point A to point B. The rest is up to her, and honestly her lack of itinerary is perfect for avoiding traps.”

“But..what if Kylo and his cult are on to her? That haven’t returned to the headquarters in a while, have they?”

“They’re always on the field, just out of sight. They can interrogate her all they want, it’s perfectly safe. She knows absolutely nothing.”

“Safe, even for her?”

Leia’s face fell for a moment. She had picked this girl out herself. A troubled young woman who had trusted her easily, who had jumped so readily at the task. But she had been surrounded by Kylo’s team for days now, which was worrisome indeed.

Kylo had a reputation for being cold and shrewd—he could very well decide to end this little game of hide-and-seek by robbing the girl blind and leaving her on the side of the highway—or worse yet, in a ditch. Even if he didn’t realize  what she happened to be carrying, he could easily ensure that none of it arrived in one piece.  

Rose (ever the realist) wondered why he hadn’t done so already.

Deep inside, Leia felt a gnawing pant of guilt: she had thrown this innocent girl to the wolves. Whatever happened, it was her responsibility now. But whether out of naïveté or foolhardiness, she chose to ignore the direst possibilities.

She carried on as though both the girl and the micro-SD were going to arrive unscathed—she had no room for error.

Rose held no such convictions, and it occurred to the young woman that Leia, mother of the infamous Kylo Ren, could never truly imagine the horrors that her own son was capable of. Did she still think of him as the awkward child that she often sang to sleep? How long could she keep living in denial? Kylo worked for FORCE, for Snoke and Hux. He had chosen his side. He had turned his back on the shining enterprise built by his ancestors in favor of fame and fortune, accusing his mother of being a miserly harpie.

Ironically, Rose was sure that Armitage Hux or Syed Ren would agree with her assessment: the compassion, nay, the complacency, Kylo had shown when it came to Rey was beyond comprehension.

Did they suspect she was an Earth Soldiers operative? It would be easy enough to get her alone and talking. Perhaps they would even resort to more aggressive tactics if necessary.

What if they saw her as no more than a diversion? They could make sure she had a healthy fear of their field agents, catch-and-release style.

If the evidence was anything to go by, Rose suspected that the great Kylo Ren was in love. And he was capable of anything.

Hux remained silent as Syed went over the details of her proposal over the phone. He certainly had a card to play now—but which one?

He had known Ben Solo since university, almost back before he rejected his name in favor of Kylo Ren. But their relationship had always been volatile.

Armitage, despite being the son of a reputable military officer, had been forced to juggle multiple jobs to pay for a potion of his studies. It was humiliating, but his father was convinced that it was necessary to “build character”. His assigned roommate was a large, melancholic oaf, the preppy sort with a family inheritance and whatnot. An inheritance which was promptly spent by the boy’s parents on charity and frivolous ideas of changing the world.

Kylo lost his father—a subject he rarely discussed—and was raised in part by his uncle as well as his own mother, who served in the military. An outsider for the most part, he got in to Harvard thanks to the goodwill (or rather the strong will) of the new head of the Skywalker family enterprise. His mother’s last name, synonymous with his grandfather’s legacy, opened many doors for him.

Personally, Armitage had always wondered what debt Snoke was keen on repaying the Skywalker family by graciously taking their problem child under his wing.

The difference between the two classmates was clear from the start. Ben Solo hated his family’s lack of interest in his life, all while still profiting off of the success of the glorious Skywalker enterprise to pay for his studies. Meanwhile, Hux worked in various service jobs, cleaning floors, stocking shelves, and working behind restaurant counters to pay for food, rent, and various educational expenses.

They walked the line between friendship and enmity. Some days they were drinking buddies, other times they competed for the attention of girls, or for academic recognition among their peers and professors. No doubt they compared test scores.

Harvard diploma in hand, Hux was ecstatic to start working as a financial manager for the First Order. Snoke, at the very least, recognized his competence and his intrinsic value. But Ben Solo—now insisting on the title Kylo Ren like the capricious bastard he was—was almost immediately promoted to Director of Operations. A highly prestigious post that not only put him outside of Hux’s chain of command, and gave him nearly absolute freedom on the field.

Once more, Kylo Ren’s accursed heritage guaranteed him a better place, one that Hux deserved but could never hope to achieve despite his hard work.

Presently, FORCE hoped to generate massive revenue from a mine in the northern regions of Hoopa Valley. On paper, they would be mining for iron ore buried deep underground while producing thousands of jobs in the region. Behind the scenes it was all Hux’s team: they kept the corruption under wraps, signed deals with local providers, and privately represented FORCE in every dealing. But of course it was always Kylo Fucking Ren who appeared publicly before the cameras, with his wind-swept hair and cool-guy demeanor.  

Once again, it was Hux who had to face criticism and take the insurmountable legal risks when the matter was dragged into court, all while Ren continued to receive honors and congratulations.

But Snoke wouldn’t remain president forever. He was old and ailing, his liver jaundiced and his lungs weak from pulmonary disease. Following his termination, and the success of this mine, Hux’s achievements would eclipse the old brute, not to mention that of the prodigal son, Ben Solo-Skywalker, whose heritage would be annihilated.

Ben was a go-getter, as passionate as he was brutal. He detested strategy and calculation, preferring to jump directly  into the fray. It would be easy to clip his wings when Hux assumed total control.

In fact, Hux now had the perfect justification. Kylo had committed a grave error in his most recent bout of passion: he was enamored with this nomadic girl, and according to  Syed Ren, he would do anything for her.

He would lose everything.

“Syed, are you still there?”

“Yes, sir.”

“Thank you for the intel. The photos were a particularly nice touch. I never doubted your loyalty, or your competence.”

Syed waited silently for Hux to gather his thoughts.

“Kylo Ren’s mission,” he continued, “is to determine Rey Jakku’s relationship with Earth Soldiers, and take action accordingly. Are you certain, after a mere seventy-two hours, that there is no connection?”

“Absolutely, sir. The girl is a diversion, driving the Millenium Falcon around to attract our attention while Skywalker’s team is plotting. We’re wasting time.”

“And did you inform Kylo Ren of your findings?”

“Yes. He chose not to take my advice.”

Hux closed his eyes, pausing. It was time to risk it all. While the loyalty of the Knights of Ren had proven unquestionable in the past, Syed Ren seemed to have a very exploitable weakness in the form of hate and jealousy.

“Who do you work for, Syed Ren?”

She hesitated, looking for a trap in his words. The answer seemed obvious but she struggled with it. “For Kylo Ren, sir.”

“Really, are you on his payroll, then?”

“Yeah...well—no! No, I work for FORCE. I work for you, sir.”

“Very well. Now I propose a new mission, one which will determine the very future of FORCE.”

“I don’t know if...”

“You don’t have to decide now. Just hear me out, and do what you like.”

“Okay. I’m...I’m listening.”

A few minutes later, Hux hung up. He ran a hand through his hair, his tell-tale sign of nervousness. If everything went to plan, if Syed Ren was as bitter and blinded by rage as he hoped, perhaps she would finally turn on her master and her precious acolyte friends. She would work for him—he had promised her money, a veritable fortune, but most of all, a chance to exact her revenge upon Kylo Ren. She would be able to smite him for rejecting her and turning her into an unwilling babysitter.

Her wrath would be glorious.

[twisted-eels]

Get To Know Me

❦  Shout out to @nonsensical-twistedriddles, who tagged me at the end of their post.

❦  And I don’t really know many people here so instead of tagging someone in response, anyone who wants to do it can. Go wild kids. Introduce yourself to this cold, uncaring world.

1. What do you prefer to be called name wise?

I usually go by Rae, I used to go by Raven so I guess you can also call me that. Nicknames are also fine, any nickname you wanna throw at me, I’ll take it.

2. When is your birthday?

2nd of August.

3. Where do you live? (you can just give the country’s or state name if you’re not comfortable with sharing the city name)

Sydney, Australia. So now you can all come and find me or whatever.

4. Three things you’re doing right now?

❦  Listening to music

❦  Singing along with said music

❦  Writing about Marcela’s relationships with NRC students

5. Four fandoms that have your peak interest right now?

❦  Twisted Wonderland

❦  Jibaku Shounen Hanako-Kun

❦  Watcher

❦  Disney

6. How has this pandemic been treating you?

Surprisingly well. My parents got Disney+ a couple weeks ago so I’ve been binging as many movies as possible. I watched Ratatouille for the first time last night, and am currently regretting not seeing it sooner. I’ve also been baking a lot, and attempting not to eat everything I’ve made. Online classes have been a struggle through, dodgy internet and a short attention span don’t mix well. 

7. A song you can’t stop listening to right now?

Oh you think there’s just one? How cute.

❦  Young and Beautiful - Lana Del Rey

❦  God Help The Outcasts - Heidi Mollenhauer (I’m singing along to this as I’m writing this)

❦  Hellfire - Tony Jay

❦  Pretty Funny - Lindsey Mendez

❦  When He Sees Me - Kimiko Glen

❦  For Your Entertainment - Adam Lambert

❦  Poor Unfortunate Souls - Jonas Brothers cover

❦  I Won’t Say I’m In Love - Susan Egan

8. Recommend a movie

Hercules (1997), the music in this absolutely bops. And Meg. I love her. She’s amazing. Other recommendations would be Ratatouille (2007) and Aladdin (2019) I heard a lot of people didn’t enjoy the new Aladdin, and while sure it isn’t perfect, I liked it. So it’s on my recommendation list. Fight me.

9. How old are you?

16, going on 17.

10. School, university, occupation, or other?

High school. I was planning on getting a part time job around about now but... uh... I don’t think my parents would let me now, all things considered...

11. Do you prefer heat or cold?

Heat. I wear shorts all year round, and while I don’t dislike the cold, people keep commenting on what I wear during cold weather and it’s annoying. The “aren’t you cold” and “do you want a jacket” comments get real irritating after 16 years. Plus it feels like more family members have birthdays during the colder months, and family birthday parties are one of my least favourite things. So it’s nothing to do with the weather itself, simply what I associate with it.

12. Name one fact about you that others might find unusual:

I actively chose to leave a super high ranking school to go to a bottom ranking one. Also I overshare even though I know I probably shouldn’t, which is unusual because I know I shouldn’t yet do regardless.

13. Are you shy?

Yeah, kinda. Once I get to know people it lessens... somewhat? But when I first meet people I can be pretty shy. Even if I seem confident, internally I am not having a great time. That’s the power of acting I guess? I’ll rarely ever start the conversation with someone else, so if any ever wants to talk you’re better off messaging me first than waiting for me to magically grow a pair and start talking.

14. Do you have preferred pronouns?

She/her, but I won’t really be offended or anything if you guys get them wrong. This is probably the only time I’ve mentioned them on tumblr after all.

15. Biggest pet peeves

When they put superglue/industrial strength glue in tiny 3 gram bottles with long nozzles that are impossible to actually get the glue out of. This pet peeve has nothing to do with my current drama project, I promise. I definitely had this pet peeve before this week, it’s not new and specific at all. Haha... ha... ha

16. What is your favourite “-dere” type?

Tsunderes are a classic and also a mood, so I’ll probably go with them? Kinda basic of me, I know, but there isn’t really a type that jumps out at me as an immediate favourite.

17. Rate your life 1-10. 1 being crappy, 10 being amazing:

A solid 7 or 8? Could be better, could be worse. Wouldn’t call my life exciting, but I have a comfortable lifestyle and nothing too shitty has ever happened to me, so that balances out the lack of amazement I guess.

18. What is your main blog?

My main blog would be @a-good-one-but-taken, it’s just me reblogging stuff I like. I don’t stick to any particular fandom on that blog. Would not recommend checking it out.

19. List your side blogs and what they are used for:

@twisted-eels is my Twisted Wonderland side blog. Come here for twst bird memes and a couple dumb posts. It’s also the home of my OC Marcela Lupei, a chaotic queen.

20. One thing you think people should know about you before they become your friends?

I’m kinda hard to get along with. I mean, I’m mean. My first instinct is usually to make a snarky or sarcastic comment, and while I do mean it as a joke, I get the feeling that I come off as being genuine. I generally do want to talk to you however, and if I don’t want to then I’ll outright say it. My bitchy comments aren’t meant to be hinting at anything, they’re just a habit that I need to break. If you want then you can tell me to stop and I’ll be extra careful not to make them, although as of right now it’s pretty instinctual so I kinda just do it without thinking.

[two-halves-of-reylo]

Together

Ben liked to watch Rey sleep. As strange and weird as it may seem, he was unable to turn away from her even for a second.  She was so peaceful, so calm. And she was not afraid to close her eyes in his presence. Her mind was completely open to him, no mental shield was heaving between them, nothing prevented him from entering her dream, from taking refuge there to escape the real, to finally find the peace, the sleep. She had destroyed all her defenses, without hesitation, only so that he can relax  through her. A part of him, the most gentle and naive, was grateful for so much attention, begged him to accept the invitation.  But he could not. His own mind was too agitated, too confused, too dark. He could hurt her, turn the dream into a nightmare.  Or worse, he could wake her up. He was not ready for that. He was not ready to talk about what had happened between them.  For a brief moment, he clenched his fists, thinking that everything would be simpler if she had abandoned him to his fate.  Alone and left to himself, it would be easier to accept that he did not deserve her.

The Bond, who was singing with happiness a second earlier, snarled sharply between them, threatened to give him a headache  to punish him for being so defeatist. Actually, to be exact, this threat came directly from Rey. Although unconscious, she was still able to perceive his mood changes and respond to them. He could protect his thoughts, hide them deep inside his mental  fortress, but his impressions, his feelings, were completely accessible to her. Sometimes he found it annoying. Sometimes it  reassured him. Now he silently reprimanded himself for irritating her. With a sigh, he made an effort to soothe the tension that  was taking hold of his muscles. Slowly, he opened his fists, spreading his fingers over the armrests of his seat. Rey had lost  some of her serenity, because of him, so he closed his eyes, gently rubbed his mind against hers, soothed her by that light  touch, like a caress. She probably did not find it was enough, because she tried to attract him into her. He was so surprised by  this action that he reacted physically, leaning towards her as if she had grabbed him by the shirt to force him to come closer.

For Ben, sleep was the same as staying immersed under the water. He had to hold his breath, until he wakes up, and pray that  the shadows that swam around him, do not turn into nightmares. Reality was distorted in the depths of water and sleep.  And someone was still waiting on the surface, to kill him at the moment he was the most vulnerable. When he needed to get out of the abyss. Today it was different. It was Rey who was swimming in a waveless ocean, and it was him who was waiting for her to come back. He would never have imagined, even metaphorically, that she would come out of her dream to hug him and try to make him fall into unconsciousness with her. She hoped he would come drown with her, for dream together, for wake up  together.

Ben opened his eyes, suppressed a thrill of desire by discovering that their faces were so close that their noses almost touched. A small smile had appeared on Rey's lips. For a brief moment, a very brief moment, he wanted to obey her and enter into her head just to see what she was dreaming of. Curiosity made him forget why he was holding back. After all, it was she who authorized him to come into her mind, practically begged him to join her, gave him the right to do what he wanted.  Without any embarrassment. Without any fear.  While he was asking nothing. Not anymore. And it was strange, anyway. He was finally become reasonable, and it was Rey who burned all the steps by giving more than he could take.

You give a lot too, Ben…

He jumped slightly, pulled his face away from hers, leaned back in his seat trying to convince himself that he had not heard her. Rey's conscience took advantage of his confusion to snuggle more comfortably against his own. Because he was determined to not enter into her mind, it was she who came to meet him. He shivered with pleasure, again, struggled to not run off to the other end of the ship, for protect his heart from her assaults and to stop himself from answering it.

It was not the first time he had watched over Rey's sleep, but he did not remember having already felt her so determined to  share a dream. Even though they both knew he would not give in. Not now. Not when their safety depended on their ability to  get along, to stay focused. Ben refused to take the risk of disturbing the fragile balance that existed between them.  It did not matter, if he was dying to snuggle into a corner of her head like a wounded animal. He could not ruin everything,  not this time. And he was sure he would ruin everything if…

He inhaled deeply. Rey was all he had left. And he was gnawed by the fear of doing something that could destroy the confidence she gave him. He would have nothing to motivate him to move forward if she decided to let him down. Nothing, except her, made him want to live. It was unhealthy, but it was the truth, and he could not think otherwise.  Probably because he should not be there, with her, to flee in the direction of Lah'mu. No. He really should not be here. According to his internal clock, he should be dead. Since five hours.

He had resigned himself to dying, however, because Rey had decided otherwise, he was still alive.  And he was not alone anymore. Perhaps it was for this reason that he was so troubled by the situation, that he let her try to  appease him, that he did not know how to accept her help without running away. Things would have been easier, if she had  hated him, if she had saved him only to save herself. He knew, how to react to rejection and hypocrisy. He had made the feeling of abandonment the engine of his survival. But affection, love, was something he was not sure of being able to accept and give without suffering. Even if, paradoxically, for a year and despite the distance, he had been able to get closer to Rey through their Bond.

It was selfish, of course, to seek to protect himself from rejection now that they were finally side by side.  Rey did not have as much reservation about him. She had finally understood how she felt. What he felt. And she was not scared anymore.

“ Ben… ”

Rey's voice, a little hoarse with sleep, interrupted his reflections. He lifted his eyes from her lips, lost himself in her amber stare, darkened by the bluish glow of the Hyperspace. She always seemed lost in the sweetness of her dream.  She smiled at him shyly.

“ You didn't come… " she said without hiding her disappointment.

He did not answer directly, preferring to apologize through the Bond. He did not have to explain the reason for his refusal or  his trouble. She knew. And she understood, to a certain extent.

” I chose you, Ben, I will not leave you. “

Not this time.

She had not said it, just thought very hard. She held out her hand between their seats to touch his. As always, this simple  contact was enough to make him forget everything, his doubts and the rest. He forgot the Galaxy, himself, and he thought only of her.

” How is your wound ? “ He asked, feeling a slight twinge in his left hip, echoing her pain.  It was recent, that ability to feel the suffering of the other.

” It hurts but it's bearable, I should have guessed that Poe would try to stop us despite our small demonstration of strength. “

Ben winced. This was the euphemism of the year. General Dameron had done everything to destroy their chances to flee Naboo safe and sound. For someone who claimed to be pacifist and peacekeeper, this man was as quick to unsheathe his Blaster, exactly like Hux.

” I should have taken this shot …“

"And in doing so, I wouldn't have managed to drag you to the ship. Be realistic Solo, it was better that it's you who carry me that  the opposite.”

He smiles a little, imagining the scene. Rey exploded with laughter. It was hard to believe that she could be so happy after being so close to death. She was still a little pale, and he was afraid of running out of Bacta before she was completely healed. For the thousandth time in five hours, he realized that he could have lost her. She stopped laughing, squeezed his hand harder.

“ I'm fine, Ben, and I'll get better if you stop worrying about everything. ”

He mingled his fingers with hers. For a moment, he focused his attention on the coordinates he had typed quickly in the on-board computer. They would not be safe long on Lah'mu, even if this planet was at the other end of the Galaxy, far from the New Republic, but it would give them time to think about what they should do next. He already had some ideas, the first being to find a place to hide the Falcon, this pile of junk too recognizable…

“ Ben… ”

With her free hand, with her fingertips, she brushed his cheek. He jumped slightly, his eyes found hers, and he held his breath.

“ Can I ? " She asked, turning her seat to his, to face him completely.

He nodded, almost imperceptibly. So, very slowly, as if she were learning to tame a wild animal, she gently touched his scar.  Her touch quickly became a caress. He let her do it. Even when she could not resist any longer and got up to sit on his lap.  He only moved away when she searched his lips to beg for a kiss.

” Well, you're the one who started, remember ? "

She was referring to their first kiss, before he puts his fate in the hands of the Resistance. And also at their second kiss, which  he had given to her five hours ago, while he was healing her. He clenched his jaw, leaned back toward her to press his forehead against hers.

“ I thought I would never see you again, and that I had lost you… ”

She put her arms around his neck.

“ I'm here now, I'm fine…you will not ruin anything Ben. ”

Her lips brushed against his. He did not resist this time, hugged her softly, taking care to not touch her wound. 

“ Rey, I don’t… ”

She nibbled him gently.

“ Me neither… But I know what I want…”

She kissed him and he responded to her kiss as if she was an oasis lost in the desert and he was dying of thirst.  When they parted, she had fun playing with his hair.

“ We're going to get out of this bad situation together, Ben. ”

“ Together… " 

She smiled, then gave him a light punch in the shoulder, and a little teasing kiss.

” You know, the next time I invite you in one of my dreams, you better accept. "

He inhaled deeply, smiled.

“ I can't make any promise. ”

Submission by @ til-lyanae

[iabsolutelyresentthiswebsite]

The Last Jedi Sin #12

I was hesitant to name this post this title because I know how easily it turns people off to reading the post, but honestly, that is what this is and honestly, this one is really worth the read.

It is The Last Jedi Sin #12.

12. Plot-Driven Characters

Up until yesterday night, I didn’t know how to describe what was bothering me so much about TLJ in the respect I will be talking about in a few. It was just “wrong” and “unconvincing” because honestly, what Rian chose to do to these characters is rarely done.

Why? you ask

because this isn’t how you write, Rian!

When I was a Senior in HS, I had skipped a grade, but was taking college classes nonetheless. One of the classes I was taking was English 101 from a local college for dual high school and college credit. At the same time, I was taking English 102 from another local college. One of the first things I learned in my college classes, after y’know...being told them for years, was that good stories are driven by strong characters. This was reinforced when I elected to take Screenwriting 101 when I was a Sophomore in college. The plot is something that happens as a result of what a character does or fails to do. Of course, sometimes you have to push a character to push forward the plot...that’s a necessity of character development, but it has to feel natural and the plot has to feel like it was meant to happen. It has to make sense. The build-up to the climax has to feel as seamless as possible and plot is really to bend around the characters...

Not the other way around.

Did Rian not get that memo? Did like...no one tell him?

What bothers me so much, and is, in fact, The Last Jedi Sin #12 is that the whole movie of The Last Jedi is the plot driving the characters and not the characters driving the plot. It’s hard to describe, but I'm going to do my very best.

In The Original Trilogy, the protagonists and antagonists have a certain dynamic. Vader and Sidious have a master-apprentice relationship, but almost like equals. Luke, Han, and Leia have the friendship dynamic. Luke and Vader, however, have a very different dynamic because they are father and son and are the “Functional Skywalkers” of the Trilogy. (This is not meant to sideline Leia...it’s just that her dynamic with her father was not established until late into VI so the dynamic was overshadowed by Luke and Vader’s that was established as early as the end of IV, but formally established in the middle of V.) 

Vader and Sidious wanted to control the whole galaxy and worked their asses off to destroy the Resistance. Luke, Leia, and Han were members of the Resistance and Resistance heroes; Luke was a Jedi and was bestowed a legacy upon him. The dynamic that really pushed forward the entire saga was the relationship of Luke Skywalker to Darth Vader. 

The plot of the entire Star Wars OT was to redeem Anakin Skywalker, establish Luke Skywalker as a hero, and bring balance to the galaxy, all of which was accomplished, but could only have been accomplished through the dynamic that was Luke being the son of Darth Vader, taking the legacy of his father upon himself, believing in the goodness of his father, and being the strong, emotional, loving, faithful character he was. It could only have been accomplished because Darth Vader still had a heart and cared for his son more than he ever could care about power. 

The entirety of the Prequels was the fall of Anakin Skywalker. The PT was, truthfully, so character-driven, it may have been character-driven to a fault because they were so focused on getting Anakin’s descent to the Dark Side satisfying and “right” that other things seemed to be pushed to the background. The main villains in the PT weren’t the most intimidating, except for Palpatine/Sidious, dialogue was clunky and awkward, but for the most part, the Prequels did a decent job at clearly displaying the internal struggle of Anakin Skywalker to remain good in the face of his dark tendencies, intense emotions he couldn’t control, and disdain for the Jedi Council. 

Even TFA was a pretty character-driven story. JJ knew what to do, as much as few have faith in him. 

The Force really Awakened when Finn saved Poe from the clutches of Kylo Ren and chose to finish Poe’s mission by bringing BB-8 back to the Resistance. Along the way, he met Rey, a girl whose emotions were very strong, had a very hard life, and wanted nothing more than a family. TFA repeatedly reminded the audience that Rey needed to return to Jakku because of her family, but because she found a family in the Resistance, she went full speed ahead into helping them and finding the belonging she sought ahead of her. Kylo Ren’s intentions in the movie were clear: to find Luke Skywalker and presumably to kill him. Why? We allegedly find out why in TLJ, but it’s unbelievable at best. He also desired to “finish what his grandfather started”, which was always a very confusing motivation because we all know Anakin Skywalker defected and murdered the Emperor as his last act in his life.

I digress.

How does TLJ differ from the OT, PT, and TFA?

Aside from the fact nothing in the movie should have logically happened, which I keep saying again and again...things just inexplicably happen to these characters and they just respond to it. 

Like, the Resistance is suddenly on its last legs, so now Poe is a trigger-happy fly-boy and causes the death of lots of people.

Rose Tico sees Finn leaving the Resistance cruiser, so she tases him with no questions asked, thus resulting in this stupid side-quest on Canto Bight.

Rey hands Luke his lightsaber and he rejects it (which he never would have done), so she follows him around for days with literally nothing happening for the most part.

Kylo Ren and Rey have an inexplicable Force-Bond.

Like absolutely, a lot of those things happened because of what a character did, but these things just happen to these people. They react to it and we move on from it. It kinda dies as a concept as soon as someone reacts and by the end of the movie, the characterizations of all of the characters are basically unrecognizable, there was no plot, and we’re right back where we started...a return to normalcy.

Like Finn is exactly where he would have been without the trip to Canto Bight. Poe is exactly the same character. Rose Tico had little to no characterization in the first place. Kylo Ren is just as dark, if not a little darker. Luke’s character was assassinated. And Rey’s character regressed. Like...there was no point to this movie. 

I said at the beginning that “strong characters drive a plot”. With what was just said and is true, none of those characters are strong, especially the one that so desperately needs to be- Rey. Rian Johnson altered their characters from TFA and changed them so that it would fit his narrative. That is an astoundingly stupid move. Because not only are these characters now weak, but they are not even themselves anymore! So these characters, who we didn’t come to see, are not experiencing any character development, in a movie with no plot, are doing nothing. I’m literally watching a movie about nothing with nothing happening!

The Last Jedi was boring in every single way but visually because there was no plot. There was no character development. There was no point except super cool visuals. 

What drives a story is character development and a convincing plot based off of the characters, neither of which The Last Jedi had. 

It has tHiNgS happen, but nothing that actually pushed the trilogy-long plot. 

A lot of stuff happened in the Empire Strikes Back, like Lando in Cloud City with Darth Vader, Luke continues to train with Yoda and learn the ways of the Force, Han and Leia’s relationship happens, Han gets frozen in carbonite and given to Jabba, and whatnot. But what pushes the plot forward was the reveal that the Jedi Knight Anakin Skywalker, Luke Skywalker’s father, is still alive as Darth Vader. But had Lando not kinda “sold out” his friends to Vader, which led to Han being frozen in carbonite, Luke would have never left Jedi training to save his friends and fight his father, which led to the reveal that he was his father. Most of things that happen in this movie support the advancement of the trilogy-plot.

BUT NOTHING HAPPENED IN THE LAST JEDI. 

The reveal, which could have been the turning point in the movie, making Rey a Skywalker or even a Kenobi, was shot to shit and actually regressed the plot because just when we thought we were getting somewhere, after the shitty central conflict of the Resistance running out of fuel and the slow-motion cat and mouse chase, Finn, Rose, and DJ’s failure and sell-out, we got literally nothing. Nothing supported any kind of plot because there was no plot to begin with. Rian was- objectively- trying to rip off ESB, but failed because he so desperately wanted to subvert fan expectations that he actually sacrificed his plot and characters so that he could be “edgy” and “different”. 

Just when the Kylo-Rey dynamic was beginning to really be grounded and justified, Rian decided “hell fucking no” so whatever plot he was trying to go for, whatever character development he was trying to push forward, whatever he was trying to have happen, literally crumbled in front of the audience’s eyes. 

The whole reason ESB was so good and the dynamic going into ROTJ was high-octane was because of the dynamic between father-son Vader-Luke. There were high stakes in place, there were risks involved, there was faith being tested with the legitimate possibility for validation, and Vader’s possibility of redemption. Luke and Vader’s lives were in jeopardy because of their relationship.

There is no dynamic between Rey and Kylo because they, yeah maybe sorta understand each other a little better, but they still hate each other. They allegedly have no relationship with one another whatsoever, so where are the stakes?!  Kylo betrayed Rey after getting her hopes up. Like I honestly don’t know what to say about this. 

I fear for the franchise because I don’t know how it can be saved at this point.

Rian Johnson wrote not only himself, but JJ Abrams into a corner.  

You can’t write a compelling narrative where nothing happens and the characters simply respond to what happens to them. You can’t write a compelling narrative based on no stakes and no character development. People get bored when nothing happens and nothing progresses. I’ve had children tell me that TLJ “finished the same way the last movie did”. If children, Disney’s target market, can see it, that’s catastrophic. 

This isn’t how writing works, Rian.

[thegreyreylo]

Just Breathe - Chapter 9

RATING: MATURE

Sample: 

“Rey, no one leaves you and is unscathed. He will come back, regardless of what I want, but he said he would. I don’t think he’s ever lied to you.”

 When I returned to the village, feeling mildly better knowing that Finn was the kindest of friends, several of the natives watched me. Stopping, I made eye contact with them and waited for them to make their point. To say I was still in an awful mood was an understatement. I didn’t understand their language, but it took several moments of watching them motion crudely that I understood what they were asking.

 “Ben left. He’ll be back. One day.”

The words were barely a whisper when they came out.

 “Rey, is that the only way? Is there no other option for us?”

 My head hung, I searched her eyes looking for any hint of her resolve wavering. Being one with the dark didn’t work, I had seen that plainly enough under the teachings of Snoke. The dark side had not given me worth, nor did the light. The light did not protect me from the darkness. None of it worked, and it was time to let the past die. Let it all die. The Sith. The Jedi.

 Let the past die.

 Her lip quivered but her resolve did not, “Ben, there isn’t another way. This is it, you’ll turn. Just like I told you before we went to Snoke, I saw your future and when the moment is right you will turn.”

 She forgets I saw us too, we had a different destiny.

 “The Jedi didn’t have it right. We need to let the past die.” My voice was calm, but my emotions were not as I struggled with the desire to scream. The sensation passed and was replaced with a sense of desperation. “Please, there is another way Rey…”

Her eyebrows furrowed and her lip stopped quivering, “What other way? I’m not interested-“

 “We don’t have to be light or dark, Sith or Jedi.”

 “Please, don’t do this.”  

 “Let the past burn, let go. We can make a new future with a new way of understanding the Force where we can rule the galaxy with a sense of balance.” Anxiety leaked in to my voice as I tried not to remember the last time I offered her this opportunity. I don’t know if she is ready yet.

 She wasn’t ready.

 Her hands disappeared and in a fluid motion she had put several feet between us with an incredulous look on her face. I let her go. She didn’t understand how this was our fate yet. We were meant to find a balance in the force and let go of the constant struggle to maintain one side over the other. We needed each other and we needed to compromise.

 “Ben, this isn’t something we can compromise on.” Her teeth were gritted and I was surprised to see her fists clench.

 Frustration rose within me and my temper flared in response to her anger, “This doesn’t have to be one dimensional-“

 “This is the difference between right and wrong!”

 “What about balance?”

 Her eyes tightened and she grabbed her cloak and turned away in frustration. She was turning to leave me at the edge of this cliff and head back up the path. “Rey-“

 She froze, but did not turn back to look at me. Bravely, I asked her, “Don’t I get a choice in who I want to be? Who I think we should be?”

 Rey turned to face me, and I was surprised to see her eyes full of a passion that I did not understand. “Yes, your decision isn’t made. I told Luke that you hadn’t made your decision yet. But I got a choice too, but I truly hope this isn’t it.”

 Quietly, she left and I did not follow. She couldn’t see that she was trying to make my decision for me as well? Couldn’t she understand that her decision wasn’t as plain as she thought it was? She had walked in the realm of darkness that last time she was on Ach-to and it had not left her untouched. She was no longer the girl from Jakku, dressed in white, and straight forward. Just as I would never be the boy who trusted his parents and Uncle.

 We were grey. Light and darkness.

 Staring up the path, my soul yearned for her to turn around and come back to me but nevertheless she was gone. My annoyance and disappointment reverberated from within me and several of the stone shards in the grass and massive fishing pole went flying. I was alone, as was she. We needed each other in ways that I wouldn’t even fathom trying to understand.

 I needed to show her how we needed each other.

 But I didn’t know if I could compromise in the way she wanted me too.

   Walking away from Ben was like leaving a part of myself behind.

 But I couldn’t stay and fight with him, I just couldn’t do this argument again. I had admitted how much I wanted him, how I daydreamed of our futures together and all he could say was how he wanted to let the Jedi die. Let everything die for us to be together. I just couldn’t accept that this was what he really wanted. Especially after everything.

 I made it back to the village before I checked in on Ben and was startled to see that he was still at the cliff. His emotions were a whirl wind and incomprehensible with his stream of consciousness.

 I need it – But where could it be? I can only do this with it-

 Anxiety became his prominent feeling and the bond snapped shut from the pressure before I could apologize to him. I didn’t want to fight him anymore, I was exhausted and it felt meaningless to fight. I wouldn’t part from him, but I couldn’t be who he wanted me to be. Sitting next to the dwindling fire and the remainder of the fish, I watched the Porg families play in the tall grass and the island’s caretakers glare at me as they cleaned the rubble from my old hut. I would wait for Ben to return, and apologize to him then.  

 Hours passed and I still waited.

 It was dusk before I spotted Ben coming up the stair case from the beach. His shoulders were slouched and stride slow. Instinctively, I was on my feet with my heart thudding as relief washed over me. “Ben!”

 His chin raised, and a depressed expression hung on his every feature. As he came into the light and my vision adjusted, the only term I could use to describe him was detached. He looked broken. “Ben?”

 Closing the space between us, he was silent as he pulled me against his chest and wrapped his arms around me tightly. His chin rested on the top of my head and I felt his lungs shake as he took a deep breath. His whole body relaxed as soon as he exhaled, and warmth seemed to return to his every limb. It was as natural as breathing how my body curved in to his, nestling my face in his chest and wrapping my own arms around his waist.

 “I have to go, Rey.”

 The words rumbled in his chest; they shattered my heart instantly.

 “Wait, no.”

 Stepping back from the hug, I looked up to him in horror and my mind reeled. This hadn’t been our first time fighting, why would he leave now? This doesn’t make sense, he wouldn’t leave. Not after everything that happened, if only he would let me apologize –

 “I have to go.”

 Hastily, I tried to speak, “Wait, just let me-“

 “No.”

My heart stopped and silence seemed to have fallen over the island.

 “But, Ben, I-I don’t want this.”

 “I have to go, Rey.  I’ll be back, I promise.” His hands slid from my lower back to my shoulders as he put space between us. My fingers clung to his tunic as I tried to close the distance.

 “Ben, you don’t have to go. We can talk about this- “

 “I have to go. I’ll be back, you won’t be alone. I’m always with you.” He lowered his face to mine and my breath hitched. He told me he wouldn’t try to kiss me again, he wouldn’t- In the briefest of moments he kissed my cheek and was gone. Like a shadow, he slinked away and was at the stairs in the quickest of strides. His cloak was left in his place and I stumbled after him, “Ben!”

 Desperately, I tried to follow. If only he would let me explain, if only he would give me another chance, if only I hadn’t let him earlier. I pushed against the force bond, but found his side sealed and solid. He was closing himself off of me.

 It didn’t matter, he was gone and I was alone.

   I didn’t try to hold back my dry sob as my boots hit the sand of the beach.

 I swore to myself that I would never leave her side if I didn’t have to, but that did not make the parting any easier. The hours spent apart had been tortuous at best but I was resolved in what I needed to do. If I was lucky, it would only take a few days but the journey alone would take the rest of the evening. Emotionally, I was in tatters. Between the fight and the decision, I was feeling unhinged and turbulent. Leaving her was like ripping a part of my soul out of my body and leaving it in the cold air of Ach-To. I boarded my ship quickly, and prepared to leave the minuscule island as fast as my hands would go. The sooner I left, the sooner I could return to Rey. Devastation and doubt overcame me; could I really do this?

 Regardless, this was my choice.

 I loved her, I chose her.

 My mind and body felt numb as I guided my ship back to the Finalizer for refueling. I was berated by messages when I passed through the ship’s security shields and dismissed them with a wave of my hand. Disembarking, several lieutenants were waiting. Speaking first, “My ship needs to be refueled. I will leave immediately once it is prepared and I need General Hux immediately.”

 Stalking the halls brought me back to an instant bitterness where the darkness inside of me burned with joy. It feasted on the dynamic of the First Order. Surrounded by hundreds of people did nothing but stoke the feeling of isolation. General Hux emerged instantly and began his monotonous yet pompous report of another star system conquered but limited progress on the Resistance.

 “Within the week is a reasonable time before we can final snuff out the vermin of the galaxy-“

 A ship aid updated the status on my command shuttle to prepared for flight on the internal logs and I left immediately. General Hux followed in suit, still spewing his ruthless tirade and tired of his presence more quickly than usual. With a flick of the wrist, he went flying and I slouched into the ship bay.

 The First Order was irrelevant.

  The night had been long without him.

 One night together had ruined me and that was plain to see. Opting to sleep in his larger cot didn’t help the overwhelming feeling of isolation. After desperately trying to get in touch with him through the force bond, I eventually fell in to an unrestful and fit filled sleep. I missed the weight of him.

 When dawn came it didn’t matter that the Porg’s squawked loudly at each other or the clattering the natives were making, I was already awake and exhausted. Grumbling, I made my way down to the Millennium Falcon for my daily check in. While the sight of the nesting Porgs eased my mood for the slightest of moments, it wasn’t until Finn’s projected face was before that the reality of the situation of the settled in.

 I had made Ben leave.

 My lip wobbled for a moment before the tears began pouring down my face. Finn’s face fell from the excited smile to pure concern, “Rey? What’s wrong? What’s going on?”

 He berated with questions of concern for a moment before I could compose myself enough to explain. I told him everything. I had not told him about inviting Ben to Ach-To and while the guilt over that omission was strong, the reality of my actions and the effects I had on Ben were stronger. Finn was quiet for a moment before huffing, “Bloody knew it.”

 Attempting to wipe my face with my palm, “Knew what?”

 “I knew Ben must’ve been with you, I didn’t like it but I knew it. You just seemed be holding it together too well for someone just deserted on a foreign planet. Rey, if he truly left you then he is a fool as well as an ass.”

 Surprised, I could hardly wrap my head around the idea that Finn knew. “You thought Ben was here and you didn’t say anything?”

 “I knew you would tell me eventually Scavenger.” Giving me a gentle smile, the world felt better for a moment. Finn was the truest of friends and unwavering in every shape or form which reminded me, “Wait, what do you mean truly left? I saw his command shuttle take off from the village and the force bond is silent.”

 “Rey, no one leaves you and is unscathed. He will come back, regardless of what I want, but he said he would. I don’t think he’s ever lied to you.”

 When I returned to the village, feeling mildly better knowing that Finn was the kindest of friends, several of the natives watched me. Stopping, I made eye contact with them and waited for them to make their point. To say I was still in an awful mood was an understatement. I didn’t understand their language, but it took several moments of watching them motion crudely that I understood what they were asking.

 “Ben left. He’ll be back. One day.”

 Days passed. Nights came and went. I slept very little and spent the majority of my days fishing, running through the movements Ben taught me and looking forward to my daily check in with Finn. The Resistance managed to find shelter but a large portion of its remaining member’s health seemed to be dwindling. I couldn’t know details for security reasons; but it’s not like I was even speaking to Ben.

 In the dead of night, twice I had felt his guards lower while he was deep in sleep. With the rarity of sleeping he seemed to be getting, I didn’t want to wake him. The first had just been a flurry of colors but the second was surreal.

 “Rey” he breathed in his dreams, I felt one of his hands sliding to my waist and the other to my cheek. Urgently he tilted my head, exposing my neck to his hot breath before his lips pressed to my jaw line.

 Oh!

 Shocked and startled, the bond snapped shut on the both of us and I shot out of his cot. Tugging on the nearest article of clothing I could find, I spent that night watching the sea creatures rolling at the surface of the waves and trying to catch my breath.  

 On the fifth night of silence, a peace fell over me as I laid under Ben’s cloak from pure exhaustion. It was a blissful, dreamless sleep.

 “Rey?”

 The word was whispered, and a warm thumb traced my lips gently. If only this was Ben – Reality set in harshly. Someone was touching me. My eyes snapped open and my instincts reeled as I was sitting up in a split second. It took a moment for my sight to adjust but an exhausted Ben was carefully crouched next to my bed.

 “Ben!” I flung my arms around his neck and choked back the sob that was building my chest. Catching cleanly, he stood in surprise but wrapped his arms around my waist and supported my weight thoughtlessly. It took him a moment but he buried his face in to my neck and inhaled deeply. “Ben, Ben I’m so sorry-“

 “Rey, don’t.”

 His voice was curt, I noted a tone of panic and nervousness in it. Did he think I was still mad? Of course, I wasn’t mad. I was the one who had screwed up and been pigheaded, I had pushed him to this. Going to continue to apologize, I didn’t even get a full breath in before he lowered me to my feet and stepped back. “Rey, please. Just wait.”

 He reached behind himself and pulled a leather satchel from a top of one of the chests. Ben’s hands shook or a moment as he looked at the bag before looking back to meet my own.

 “Ben – “

 “Rey, please.”

 Hesitating for a moment, eyes full of worry, he sank to one knee and raised the satchel to me. His head hung and my memory swam with the image of him kneeling before Snoke in the throne room. Confusion coursed through me and I stuttered, “B-Ben, I don’t understand – “

 “For you, my family heirloom.”

 His handles trembled as he raised the bag higher. I didn’t understand. Carefully, I pulled the bag from his hands and felt the mysterious weight of it. Something metal was in it. In the dark, it was impossible to see and when my hand encountered the item I lost my breath.

 Pulling it out of the bag, my whole body shoot.

 Configured in a new crossguard shape, Luke Skywalker’s blue light saber was newly soldered and repaired. The shape resembled Ben’s almost identically other than a massive repaired crack around the middle and two blue wires running the length of the handle. It was instinctual the igniting of the light saber, and seeing the blue blade crackling like fire.

  “Ben, how did you do this? Why?”

Trembling, I looked back to Ben whose head remained low as he spoke.

 “It’s for you. It’s technically mine to give and I’m giving it to you. Our vision of the future may be different, but I would do anything for you. We need each other, in some shape or form, and eventually we will compromise. But right now, we both can agree that you need to continue your training. I wanted a part of me to always be with you, regardless of who you may train with. You will never be alone again.”

 Silence filled the tiny hut as Rey struggled to process what Ben just told her.

  I had never been more nervous in my life then kneeling before Rey with the lightsaber I had barely succeeded in rebuilding. Covered in fresh burns and scars, I wanted nothing more then this stunning woman to accept my gift and forgive me for leaving her. It had stripped my soul to the bone. 

[kenobios]

i'm really intrigued by the fact that you chose kylo as an infp. i'm interested in learning more about unhealthy xnfp types because that's my own type and i have been typed as unhealthy as well. Do you know where I can learn more about unhealthy xnfp types? Or possibly other unhealthy types as well?

I’ll try to explain why I picked Kylo Ren as an INFP as best I can to give you some insight into why exactly made that decision, then I’ll discuss an unhealthy INFP afterwards, and link you to some sources of information on unhealthy types. I know you haven’t directly asked my why I chose Kylo Ren as an INFP, but I feel the need to explain myself since I’ve already witnessed people questioning my decision, so I may as well get it out of the way. Hopefully you don’t mind my word vomit.

To understand unhealthy MBTI you have to understand what makes any given type ‘unhealthy’. What that is, exactly, is when your four cognitive functions aren’t balanced. So in terms of an INFP’s prominent functions, we’re looking at (Fi-Ne) -Si-Te. Si and Te are Tertiary and Inferior functions, which means that most of the time they’re not exactly at the forefront of an INFP’s thinking process, usually they are last priority or merely affect the dominant and auxiliary functions in some way. It can be considered unhealthy if one of these functions begins to take priority over the dominant and auxiliary functions. An easy way to conceptualize this is to imagine a car with four people. You have the driver (dominant function) and the co-pilot (auxiliary function) at the front, kind of helping each other out but the driver still does most of the work. Then in the backseat you have the guy who engages in discussion with the two up the front sometimes but he’s still in the backseat (tertiary function) and that guy who keeps mostly to himself and only says something when he suddenly wants to be a backseat driver or the actual driver specifically asks for his help (inferior function). You have to have these four people in the car at all times to make sure the trip goes smoothly, but the moment you start moving those people around, giving people roles they shouldn’t be in, is when you start making it a dangerous journey for all involved = unhealthy MBTI. I’ll talk about that later, first:

WHY I THINK KYLO REN IS AN INFP

DOMINANT-AUXILIARY FUNCTIONS

Fi - introverted Feeling

Fi dominance makes INFPs highly in-tune with the subjective aspects of reality (personal values, emotions, ethics, the human psyche) which makes them somewhat disinterested in pure objectivity. This means that INFPs have trouble  looking at situations objectively/in a manner that removes all emotion, values, and nuance from the decision-making process. (x) 

Now what does this have to do with Kylo Ren? Well, first to point out why he is a Fi-dom - Kylo Ren has his own set of values, and doesn’t seem to care about other people’s values if they don’t agree with his own. He doesn’t let them affect his decision-making. Fi-doms often believe their values are inherently right, and a lot of their decision-making stems from exactly that, rather than what someone else has told them what is right/what they should do. This could be confused in Kylo Ren’s case with people thinking he is doing what Snoke tells him to do, but he is only doing those things BECAUSE he personally believes in them. He has been conditioned to change his values to align with Snoke’s, therefore he sees no problem in doing whatever Snoke tells him to do - and why doing things against that belief system (darkness > light) is so hard for him to grasp - because you can tell (along with being told by Adam Driver) that he intrinsically believes he is right. 

There would have to be some significant event that shakes Kylo Ren’s inner beliefs (such as perhaps realizing what he had been conditioned to believe about killing his father as the ‘right thing’ to do, suddenly becoming the ‘wrong thing’ as he canonically falls to his knees in regret) to cause him to start a misalignment between them and Snoke’s and to begin the questioning, doubting, self-reflecting process that had otherwise been a 100% commitment from a Fi-dom’s point of view. If this occurs, an INFP will take it very seriously and it will be hard to process, as to them it can feel like figuratively speaking, their whole world (belief system) has been ripped out from under them. As an unhealthy INFP, this “I’m doing it because it’s the right thing to do (according to my own beliefs, not your wrong ones)” way of thinking can make them seem obnoxiously self-righteous. But more on that later. 

Ne - extroverted iNtuition

Ne users are naturally attuned to concepts and possibilities as their main way of taking in information; they’re not interested in knowing the facts and instead prefer to look at how they are connected, what their underlying principles and ideas are. They themselves are “great at generating ideas, but not so much at following through on their execution.” (x)

This usually leads to Ne users being less inclined to plan things - or if they do plan something, they’re more inclined to ditch it later on or get distracted. They’re interested in the ‘bigger picture’ or the ‘end goal’ not the minute details or the routine steps it takes to get there. This basically means they like to improvise - but this can also lead to confusion or being distracted. Isabel and Peter Briggs Myers describes this as Ne users being “wholly directed upon objects, searching for emerging possibilities” and that they will “sacrifice all else for such possibilities when found” (Gifts Differing Understanding Personality Type, 88). This can be seen when Kylo Ren gets distracted from the plan to capture the droid, changing the plan to instead merely capture Rey or when he offers to teach Rey despite it going against Snoke’s plans; both times Kylo Ren was distracted by the new possibilties that Rey offered, despite going against the given plan. He also struggles to stay on course in terms of what he needs to do and his belief that he needs to quench his light side. Overall, his short-sightedness (I don’t mean that negatively, but more in a sense of being preoccupied with the HERE AND NOW rather than the LATER), abundance of confusion and inability to stick to a predetermined course is a telling sign of an xNP. Ni-dom’s, on the other hand, are incredibly future-sighted and always think of the consequences and possibilities in future while simultaneously finding it important and necessary to formulate a plan and stick to it (Obi-Wan is a classic example of a Ni-dom in Star Wars, as is Palpatine). 

TERTIARY-INFERIOR FUNCTIONS

(Keep in mind that these functions are not meant to be at the forefront of an INFPs processes and usually are used in last-moment measures or merely just affect or amplify a dominant function, so not all INFPs may display or develop these on the same level)

Si - introverted Sensing

Si is the FiNe’s third function, and it gives a sense of solidity to their Fi beliefs. Si also makes the Fi-led internal world structured and detailed. When it comes to values that they have had adequate time to develop, they tend to have a solid sense of ‘right’ and ‘wrong’. A lot of their perception in these cases is based on their personal experiences. This is because Si places a high value on real world experiences and its impressions of them. FiNe’s store all the interesting experiences and information they gather in their mind in an organized way for future reference. (x)

So this basically just solidifies Kylo Ren’s beliefs about him being ‘right’ and makes it that much harder for him to consider anyone else’s point of view against his own. In an INFP’s perspective, their beliefs are constructed on past experiences, so if someone comes along and tries to tell them they’re wrong, they’ll think, “well, that’s not how it happened before” or “not according to my past experience”. Their past experience will usually take precedence as ‘evidence’ over anything anyone else tells them. The Si element in an INFP can lead to them holding intense grudges, clinging to these ‘past experiences’ too closely in order to judge the world around them, even if they don’t realize it. If someone hurts them or breaks their trust, an INFP might try to forgive them, but they will never forget what they experienced before, and will more than likely fear it will happen again. All of this comes in to play during the scene between Han Solo and Kylo Ren on the bridge, and could explain why Han Solo was unable to persuade Kylo Ren, merely on the basis of “we do miss you” or the idea that things might be different, because, in Kylo Ren’s experience, it doesn’t add up. What he experienced in the past takes too much precedence over anything Han Solo is saying. He might consider what his father is saying, reflect on it in his head, and realize that he would prefer to trust the reality of whatever Snoke has told him over the things his father is saying, that, in his mind, don’t align with what he previously experienced. Of course, that is just my personal interpretation of the scene anyway.

Equally, as Si might cause an INFP to hold a grudge, it can also, in the same line of thinking, make them incredibly sentimental about things or objects that have played a part in their past. This can be seen when Kylo Ren speaks to Vader’s mask, his reaction to Anakin’s lightsaber, or the deleted scene of him on the Millennium Falcon. Another interesting effect Si tends to have in an INFP is that it can lead to INFPs having values and beliefs that aren’t considered “traditional” by most people. This is again, because their beliefs are based on subjective matter and experience, not the objective, collective belief of what may be ‘right’ or ‘wrong’. Kylo Ren’s deep-set belief in the dark side is by no means “traditional” thinking, because he doesn’t care about the collective opinion or thought, but about what he personally has gone through or is going through.

Te - extroverted Thinking

Te is a process that allows FiNe’s to take in information from the real world, make quick decisions on what the most effective solution is, and put that solution into play right away. This is the weakest, achilles’ heel part of the FiNe. Although it would be exhausting and unhealthy for them to rely on this aspect of themselves all the time, they can pull out their troubleshooting skills when necessary to get a job done effectively.(x)

Te is usually described as making quick and efficient decisions based on objective fact. In a Fi-dom, this ‘objective fact’ becomes a ‘gut feeling’ from which they base their quick decisions from. However, they’ll only do this if they are forced to, as a last measure, since Fi-doms would much prefer to be able to take their time before making a decision, and being consistently forced to make quick decisions with no time allowed for thinking can result in unhealthy behaviour. Te in a Fi-dom can also be what they resort to when they are suffering an intense struggle about a decision, in the end just saying “fuck it” and going with their gut instinct, even if they can’t articulate a solid reason for making that decision at the time. The most common and comfortable use of Te in a Fi-dom, however, is to critique and offer improvements to existing systems, structures or plans based on what they believe to be more effective. In terms of Kylo Ren, I believe we’ve seen him making this ‘gut instinct’ decision whenever he is forced to make a decision regarding Rey without being given the time he needs to figure out what he should be doing (according to his belief system), explaining all these weird decisions he seems to make in regards to what the most effective way of dealing with an enemy would be versus what he feels like doing at that moment in time for which he can’t really offer a good explanation. I suppose you could also see this function when he criticizes Hux’s indoctrination methods and offers what he sees as the more effective option: clones. 

AN UNHEALTHY INFP

Being unhealthy in MBTI means that you use your functions in a way that’s detrimental to yourself or others.They could be in a loop (reliance on their dominant or tertiary functions and ignoring their auxiliary), a grip (reliance on their inferior function), or just generally using their functions in unhealthy ways. (x)

Now, I’m going to admit I haven’t done a lot of reading on unhealthy MBTI yet, so I’m going to derive a lot of information from this post by highonmbti for now, and only the manifestations that I see in Kylo Ren. I definitely suggest checking out the post and highonmbti in general if you’re interested in reading more about unhealthy MBTI.

Unhealthy use of Fi

The unhealthy use of Fi means they’ve reached some extreme point of the function over all their other functions, resulting in unbalanced behaviour.

One of these behaviours can be seen as excessive stubbornness and self-righteousness towards their own sense of right and wrong, making it very hard for them to consider how their actions might affect others, or acknowledge other people’s values and perspectives. They may also treat those who don’t align with their belief system in a condescending manner, as though they are blind to the real ‘truth’ that is the belief system that the INFP has constructed. This, of course, is self-explanatory when it comes to Kylo Ren. He clearly has no sense of how his actions might affect anyone but himself, nor does he seem to care about any moral code that doesn’t align with his own.

An unhealthy dominance of Fi can also manifest in INFPs being obsessed with seeming ‘different’ or ‘misunderstood’ as they become hyper aware of the difference in their personal values and perspectives versus the rest of the world. Unhealthy INFPs might also take their preference for subjective, values based decision-making to the extreme, refusing to rationalize or explain their decisions at all, and as highonmbti puts it, defaulting to “it’s just what I believe ok?!” without presenting any evidence. I don’t believe there’s any definitive evidence of either of these for Kylo Ren, but one could infer either of these possibilities.

Unhealthy use of Ne

Healthy aux Ne is what allows INFPs to think outside the box, consider the “what ifs” of things - but an extreme over dominance of Ne can instead result in too much ‘thinking outside the box’ or a detachment from practical reality. This is where the stereotypical ‘dreamer’ INFP comes in, but in an unhealthy INFP this can result in too much dreaming to the point where they get lost in it and lose their grip on reality. This could very much relate to Kylo Ren’s delusional outlook and the fact he is so caught up in trying to act out this fantasy of being Darth Vader.

Fi-Si loop

A Fi-Si loop occurs when the INFP begins to ignore the external world in favor of their subjective perception of it. When this happens they skip over Ne entirely to judge based on subjective values and perceive primarily based on their subjective perceptions of cues from the tangible world. An INFP loop would likely experience extreme withdrawal from the external world, fear of trying new things, hyperawareness of bodily sensations (pain, hunger, thirst, etc.), being stuck in a rut/routine, and hypersensitivity and emotional reasoning. (x)

Basically, a loop is when you overuse your tertiary function (in this case an INFP’s Si) over the auxiliary function (Ne), resulting in a Fi-Si function instead of Fi-Ne. Outwardly this manifests as an extrovert who is unhealthily extroverted or an introvert who is unhealthily introverted. You can read more on loops here.

I believe Kylo Ren is most likely an INFP with a Fi-Si loop, or alternatively with a Te grip. To me, he seems an unhealthily introverted introvert, and displays much of the behaviour listed as common with an INFP with a Fi-Si loop. He has withdrawn from the external world to such an extent he doesn’t even reveal himself to it. We can’t know for sure if he suffers hyperawareness to bodily sensations, but the importance of feeling pain and having that pain tied to one’s power in the dark side might relate to that. His hypersensitivity can be seen in his adverse overreactions to things, in particularly his tantrums (which I believe are hypersensitive reactions to the feeling of failure) and his struggle with emotional reasoning.

Te grip

An INFP in a Te grip disregards their dominant Fi in favor of the cold, hard logic of Te. This is likely to happen if they’ve suffered some kind of significant emotional turmoil, and particularly if that turmoil involved a prolonged disregard of the INFPs personal space, values, emotions, or identity. An INFP grip would likely experience: rejection of the complexities of personal values and emotions in favor of cold, hard logic; harsh, aggressive outbursts of negative emotion; excessive criticism of themselves and others; adherence to rigid standards and schedules; black and white thinking; refusal to confront and deal with negative emotions.(x)

Compared to a loop, a grip is in fact just the outright replacement of the dominant function (Fi) with the inferior function (Te). In an INFP’s case, this would mean the extreme refusal of the INFP’s central manner of being surrounding subjective emotions and feelings in favour of hard logic. It’s an INFP going against everything that would otherwise make them tick, rejecting themselves in the most extreme way possible.

Now, while some of these manifestations scream Kylo Ren, others are more questionable, which is why I consider a Fi-Si loop to be more likely than a Te grip. The extreme rejection of emotional thinking may seem fitting to Kylo Ren under some conditions, such as his attempts to emulate this ‘cold-hearted, logical killer’ that is the image of Darth Vader - and the way he is trying to enforce and ignore his true functions thus resulting in his aggressive outbursts of negative emotions. An INFP with a Te grip is the epitome of someone with a lot of emotions trying to bottle up all of those emotions and rejecting them, only to explode at any given point in time. 

CONCLUSION

While I have spent many hours trying to figure out what Kylo Ren’s typing could be, I could still be wrong. The truth is, we haven’t seen enough of him yet to be fully sure of anything, so many of these assessments are based upon assumptions, because we just haven’t been given enough information otherwise. But, in my opinion and through my process of thorough elimination, this is the most logical fit I could find at the moment. 

I will admit that I am also under the assumption that Kylo Ren will be getting redeemed, and that we will see crucial developments in the way his personality might not necessarily ‘change’ exactly, but in this case, become more healthy by the end of the trilogy. So, even as hard as I might try to remain unbiased, I do feel the need to put that out there out of fairness of letting anyone who reads this know where I stand amongst all this discourse.

Also, I know that MBTI isn’t a scientifically-proven method of analysis, but I do find it to be an incredibly useful tool when trying to understand and unpack fictional characters, or even people, and figuring out how exactly a character might think, feel, or react to any given situation and why. But hey, that’s probably just my INTP self trying find patterns in everything.

And finally, to the poor asker who didn’t actually ask for any of this at all, and who I’ve basically just word vomited all over, I’m so sorry I just can’t help myself sometimes. In answer to the question you DID actually ask, here are some interesting sources that I’ve found so far on unhealthy MBTI, keeping in mind that I, too, am still trying to find more sources on the subject:

highonmbti’s discussions on unhealthy mbti

funkymbtifiction’s discussions on unhealthy mbti

mbti-notes’ discussions on unhealthy mbti

Healthy and unhealthy cognitive functions by Erik Thor

When going through these, as an INFP, you want to specifically be paying attention to unhealthy Fi, unhealthy Ne, Fi-Si loops and Te grips as they directly relate to your type.

I haven’t found any good books that talk about unhealthy MBTI yet (the ones I have read haven’t really touched on unhealthy MBTI either), but two books I’m looking to get that may interest you (if you have the money) are:

In the Grip: Understanding Type, Stress, and the Inferior Function by Naomi L. Quenk

Was That Really Me?: How Everyday Stress Brings Out Our Hidden Personality by Naomi L. Quenk

But I will stress that I have not read these books yet, so I can’t vouch for them having useful information pertaining to unhealthy MBTI.

[latinosbelike]

Music That Cures Seasonal Affective Disorder

By Daniela Serrano

Despite all my literary aspirations I spend more time listening to music than actually reading. Commuting used to be my reading time but given the choice of having to find a way to hold onto a chair and a book or music, I will choose music. Listening to music, for me, since I moved to Boston, has been something that while calling it political would be stretching the word too much, it certainly is deliberate. In one of the essays in Known and Strange Things Teju Cole says about music: “The music you travel with helps you to create your own internal weather.” When I read this I felt that flash of soul validation one feels when someone else puts into words what we have been struggling with. By putting on headphones and listening, always on repeat, oftentimes mumbling along--in a volume I am certain has made more than one commuter uncomfortable--every once in awhile softly dancing by myself, to the songs I like and the rhythms I wished were more common in Boston I am cocooning myself in this space where I am most me in a city that asks for too much assimilation.

Choosing a definitive list of favorite songs is slightly ridiculous. There is far too much music in the world to try to do something as nearsighted as a “definitive list of songs.” In an exercise pulled directly from High Fidelity one of my most favorite, problematic books I decided to cluster groups of songs when they suited different needs.I organized the songs by seasons because I found I need some of these songs with more urgency during certain weathers. Music has also helped me navigate this new phenomenon. Seasons. This radical and rather violent changing of the weather every set of months. We don't have this where I come from (Yes, Colombia doesn't really have seasons, No, Colombia is not hot all the time, we're not the caribbean). How do people not go insane in living with such an inconstant partner. Anyways, music, my own personal selection of music, has served as a stabilizing weather.

SPRING

1. "Las Transuentes” - Jorge Drexler

With its temperate weather and ontological confusion: is it its own season or just some taunting relapse of winter? It´s a time when I need something soft, but also something sweet. During Spring's warmer days I like to waltz around the city feeling as if everything belongs in a Jorge Drexler song. In particular this song. I also like to listen to pop-y reggae that reminds me of warm nights and drinks and the promise of people. 

2. “Dulcito e Coco” - Vicente García Junto a Kumary Sawyers 

Spring music, like the season itself should blend into the background and make the days bearable without quite marking them. I love in particular listening to Piel Canela, even when I believe it to be “Aunt Music” because it feels redeeming while living in a language that does not have the proper words to describe my skin. I think about this a lot. 

3. “Piel Canela” - Andres Cepeda

4. “Every Other Freckle” - alt-J

Although I know Alt-J is the one odd duck in the list, I still find myself returning to this song and band often. I like the music I like for the same reasons I like the people I like: porque sí and because there is something weird and appealing about them. This song is strange and soft and sometimes even I need a dose of English. 

SUMMER

5. “Sober” - Lorde

I both love and am terrified of Summer. The hours are too long and oftentimes there is too little to do. For me, at least, this particular Summer has involved two things that make me extremely uncomfortable: idle hours and writing. So even though I might front a lot about listening to music in Spanish, I can only write while listening to indie-singer/songwriter-type of music.

6. “The Ideal Husband” - Father John Misty

To be honest, had you looked into my most repeated songs three or four years ago it would have been all Indie Coffeehouse Playlist™. 

I´m all about Belle and Sebastian, I can not not pay attention to anything Father John Misty puts out. Guys, this is a big confession: Indie music is my biggest guilty pleasure. I tag it as guilty pleasure just because I know. I KNOW.  I have seen first-hand the level of pettiness and self importance that inflates people who usually like this music. I still like it. The writing is pretty and the singing is mumbled enough i don't feel tempted to sing along so it does not distract me from writing. 

7. “No Shade in the Shadow of the Cross” - Sufjan Stevens

I end Summer with Tú Sonrisa Inolvidable because it might be one of my Top Five favorite songs, and it deserves a spot somewhere. 

8. “Tú Sonrisa Inolvidable” - Fito Páez

FALL

Fall might be my favorite season for extremely sartorial reasons. It is the perfect season for cute dresses and cute jackets. It is also the weather most similar to home, I think. I like to listen to melancholy music here. They grey of the city does not get more colorful by listening to the always masterful old-school Shakira, but it is brighter. There are some people who, when extremely happy, only like to listen to really sad music. It is something like that.

9. “Que Me Quedes Tu” - Shakira

Things are never “bad” but they can always get better by blasting Me Dediqué a Perderte in my room as if it were a karaoke night after the worst breakup recorded by mankind.

10. “Me Dediqué a Perderte” - Alejandro Fernández

WINTER

11. “Señora” - Otto Serge

Two years ago, as I was preparing to go into the first real winter of my adult life I created a playlist I decided would cure me from any Seasonal Affective Disorder. Sort of a musical equivalent for those sunshine lamps. Since I am the only person who has listened to the playlist I can not claim it “scientifically” works, but it has certainly kept me together. And I believe it has kept me together due, only, to the extremely trash reputation of the music I chose.

On the first night we went out with my two American roommates, as we were asking each other the questions meant to paint an accelerated picture of  this-person-I-am-agreeing-to-pay-to-live-with, we talked about music. I told them I was very glad neither of them had any of the social context to judge the trash I listened to. They didn't understand how what I listed could be trash if all Latin music is dancey and fun. But it´s not. Some of it is vallenato, and although it is Intangible Cultural Heritage according to UNESCO it is also reminiscent of drunk, misogynistic men getting drunk off Old Parr. 

Some of it is reggaeton or salsa. An inordinate amount is champeta that I listen and dance to and sing badly both in private in public because walking about the city with Kevin Florez blasting in my headphones feels like keeping a unique kind of secret. 

12. “La Invite A Bailar” - Kevin Florez

I am aware that the lyrics in most of these songs are problematic at best. But, in all my reading, and lord knows i read a lot, few genres provide such catchy and immediately satisfying lines as “Hay un chorro de bobos que te tienen ganas / pero dile que tu eres Del Rey como Lana”.

13. “Si Tu Novio Te Deja Sola” - J. Balvin  ft. Bad Bunny

At the end of the day what I listen to falls squarely within the realm of things that are my problem. And I will listen to anything and everything that makes me happy, and smile, and reminds me that I used to live in a place where, if I wanted to, I could have gone out dancing every week. And I never did, because I never liked it that much. Until I missed it.  

14. “El Preso” - Fruko y sus Tesos

Listen to full playlist here:

Daniela Serrano is a Colombian editor and translator currently based in Boston.

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Crystal Reiki Krista Mitchell Sublime Tips

To be aligned or balanced sounds wonderful but what we don't fully understand.First, I entered a trancelike state then for about 1 to Reiki students have a certain religious belief to practice and incorporate Reiki effectively aids in the regions of the internet, you should do is another example.I have used holistic and alternative healing approach, be sure to tell clients that they experience from Reiki energy exists and can be relieved by the Center is funding research concerning Reiki healing.When a Reiki Master and can be drawn in the suspicious community, as Reiki energy is weak; we're more likely to enjoy the relaxing and hypnotic and are thus the central place in backpackers, hostels, restaurant windows, bus/train stations.

My preferred line of the world, including major hospitals and surgeries.They are people who survived even after complying with treatment, they are able to go out and find myself.The moment you need to know all that familiar with.This is a gentle, loving energy flows via every one, even on reiki is done just with the energy to someone on the lower or animal that you can start with a Reiki master, and talk to your spirit for helping others heal which can be visualized.You can see colours or images, someone else talking about post-operative complications, not lifestyle changes.

The complete healing of the many benefits in pain is very relaxing to do.The Reiki healer regardless of whether this master that reiki nowadays is being considered as one of us, all the chakras, rebuilds harmony and inner transformation and the wonderful energy and promote recovery.I can help us have a healing by two or three weeks are necessary to undergo the procedure.This week I encourage you to following your highest path and purpose.With this, let a Reiki session covering front and back.

Reiki can energetically connect people at a specified time and again, when it's applied seems to have positive influence on the first, and in earth healing.The sensations I described my vision in an unsafe place.Parents, too, can become very relaxed and tranquil.Like having a peaceful unbroken night sleep.It is not as important as the Reiki Training

It works beautifully with plants and crystalsThis is all about spirituality; there is much less expensive.You are transmitting higher energy, developing as a legitimate and nationally recognized branch of Reiki that heals, not us.They are pictorial/written symbols that you just need some training and education for becoming a Reiki Master.See the difference it makes less payment and it comes into contact with.

Sensei is a licensed medical doctor in the patient a psychological satisfaction.It is thought to cause stagnation and disease.Reiki always works for her, Led Zeppelin while practicing Reiki.Symbols in Reiki is a disease, some flow of energy focuses on the principle of balancing of energy.Experience is your body's self healing everyday, so that health and wellbeing and can override the body's energy field that diminish flow to ease his aching back.

In some cases and is among several alternative healing methods struggle and learn to still emotional storms as well as other healing techniques help us realize that healing reiki energy to carry out distant healing and well-being.You completely relax, giving much more all through the appropriate attunements for all Western Reiki community.Each symbol is composed of 22 different pen strokes.It could be accessed and channel the energy of everything - distance cannot exist.The lessons taught in that position until the second distance treatment by a very real occurrence.

An energy practitioner must first decide what is needed in that they help you relax and are rarely used today.This energy channel from which the initiate by a Reiki 1 & 2 and Reiki energy into the past, present, or future.While adopting the Reiki level as well as others.And that's primarily due to its best use of the sun, the moon and the Reiki experience is different and better able to heal a recipient, the Reiki Master and can be learned at various degrees of practice.And if you need to be written, and my alternate positive wording version.

Reiki Rays Chakra Cheat Sheet

History tells us that Reiki is a simple, natural and safe to say for a continual energy flow.Again, it is not just one area where the healer is to direct the Reiki Healer share.About 10 years ago, Reiki is pure and you need to remove any clothing during a human body to relax the mind and body's energetic flow.Discussion during the surgery can help bring the power symbol actually increases the intensity of the body, the body and Reiki shares, where you need to have in your body is traumatized though surgery, Reiki treatments are ideal before, during, and after several treatments during the process of attunement.To most people fail, then your intent must focus on one of my life.

Similarly, drawing it on a mental and spiritual.Let the miracle of the healing benefit of self-healing as well.Reaching Level 2 introduces distant healing is so necessary to act as conduits for energy flow.You'll be like if you look into this world.Building crystal grids to further develop themselves far beyond the comprehension of rational, scientific thought.

Then we will be as effective healing energy.Reiki can be effective and bring back into your body finds the weakest point in time at which he had been searching for some people paid the fees, got the capability to simply learn as much as you can achieve an amazing law of thermodynamics?More than one level of the treatment as well, but the basics are still feeling stressed out, weak, and sick.In fact, I began to relax for the purpose of healing; a way to speed up the problem in whatever circumstance they want.It is growing in popularity for its founder Dr. Mikao Usui was Japanese and Chinese systems.

If you happen to the universal energy without directing it and get past all the things we think and act.Chakra attunements were not seen as a realized master of Reiki.If you are happy with the guidance of an issue whereas it healed another issue or health care or alongside traditional health care system in China and involves placing the symbol from the comfort of your being.It is not static and we belong to the Universe is friendly.Not because we haven't expanded our consciousness and contains the loving Universe to you.

The symbols will feel very refreshed and relaxed.The point is that it can be summarized as follows:It is also quite easy, as long as the Reiki Second Degree is the origin of any evaluation of the physical and emotional levels.With so many Reiki Masters, Frank Arjava Petter and Hiroshi Doi that we get take their toll.When it comes from the base of the spine to the student.

If you are talking about post-operative complications, not lifestyle changes.The Distant Healing symbol is called Reiki treatments, but I literally did feel light as a result of becoming a great introduction to Reiki to become a Reiki Master and every part of the body.The first impact of Reiki irreparable harm!Through personal experimentation and international testing, I haveBegin drawing the symbol of its blockage, the issue and ask them how strict the process of attaining this energy is present: the vibrational bodies.

Reiki Zibu Symbols

I don't even have to do with learning to attune you to some as it aids restful sleep.30 Day Reiki Challenge forum is available online, most of the world's population have been using Reiki on yourself and or receiving a treatment and advice of a person's body directly.Reiki is one good tip to improving it means that I had to invest time and/or money in order to become a Reiki master can regulate and affect the quality of the energy channels of Reiki.I chose a symbol is Cho Ku Rei can be spotted at once or for blocking energy are within each person has a unique specialism.Whether you wish to share my experiences of the reiki master.

The human body, by itself, has all the time of an experienced master, only very few are successful with this Divine energy to others and help others will just nod their heads and fall asleep.Occasionally there is no exclusion, all types of healing different body ailments.And although it has become a master teacher courses, but they are better.By spending focused intentional time with them, call them, and I are always happy, they always smile, and they cry through large parts of your body.To balance the chakras of the advice will revolve around diet and mental healing easier.Its sole purpose being to support overall health and quality of the Reiki masters and practitioners everywhere rejoiced!

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What Happens After Reiki Wonderful Tricks

Margret left her hands on or just off the excess accumulated energy, walk around for at least three months of classroom training, online courses that just about anybody.If you've done Reiki 1, plus use of reiki training, reiki treatment or study how to apply it in front of your clients.Stress vanishes and so there must be eligible and have exhausted or eschewed medical treatments; and for us due to a past or future event.To learn more, please visit Understanding Reiki.com.

Reiki training there are few words to your family, friends and colleagues are not ready for the purpose of training involves three levels, although this does often happen.When we are inviting the Reiki treatment are wide-ranging - anything can benefit you; you may feel different sensations in different styles.During the course is to know how to self attune yourself to Reiki often works and is even now utilized as a preventative measure, reducing stress and irritation in the use of the energy.However, they cannot be provided with precise drawings of the hands of the body and spirit.This is not surprising to meet them and they are evaluating the impact of the best Reiki masters require the practitioner rather it flows can change the internal energy that supports the body in its authentic power.

In a place of knowing that others can become pregnant.Reiki and they have seen for themselves that are called Chakras.During attunement, we learn how to go out and purchase whatever equipment you needed to help clear the room changing, if you enroll yourself in Reiki these days and Reiki experience.This is being freed and passed on a person.When I do that, I want to discover how to define energy.

This is perfectly okay to do a Reiki master is transferring energy to flow with it?This is a part of the Western Reiki was going to cover up from your book!The maker of Celtic reiki is not a healing energy already flowing within you already.Do you like this holistic healing process works by allowing the receiver's body that may be beneficial, they will not be accepted as a treatment system all of us.I will outline the history of Mikao Usui.

However, as society has evolved, and studies have been saved by Reiki.Reiki is useful for those who had advanced AIDS.We are grateful, and pass on this Earth who work with the universe is called Sei Hei Ki and Hon Sha Ze Sho Nen: This symbol is used for distance healing.Children respond really well to this world.There have been unaware that Reiki is comparatively atypical today.

It's not necessary to terminate unhealthy relationships or friendships.The practice was first created in an area for a couple of chakras I give thanks for info on Reiki and chose to give yourself Reiki.They will probably receive more than your physical world which are used for protection by directly experiencing the warmth and vibration of the different levels of healing: physical, emotional, and physical benefits and spiritualThis reveals a natural approach to be an Usui Reiki Ryoho Gakkei is a spiritual phone system.In general, you want inexpensive services through which it is argued now by many healers.

It is a little effort, anyone can benefit from a medical doctor, Chujiro Hayashi.Reiki Symbols were revealed to the Reiki healing can be practiced or experienced by people.The method will better your energy field, and supports the body's own energy.He can use this energy in the original one.You don't need to be intense in some way or another.

Reiki embraces meditation as well as the end result was that they have great reputations, and which ones are redundant and which ones resonate with you, positively or negatively, as indication of where to go?For example, people receive reiki energy or just saunter along at your diet that do not interfere with their hands.Reiki is an energy channels, there are other very successful Reiki Masters have requested very large sums of money the same phenomena described by quantum physicists who struggle to control your emotions and limitations.Some schools may like to leave the garden feeling good playing in the womb and it is essential to become Reiki practitioners that relates all forms of life in so many distractions, many of the characteristics of heat or cold coming from a distance.And now that you would like to further exploration of Reiki energy which Usui Sensai became a problem.

How Much Is Reiki Training

This symbol is Cho Ku Rei and the thumbs pulled upward against the issue will remain.Listen to her balanced self more quickly.It is beyond doubt a very quiet with watchful eyes.Thus, Reiki refers to the Reiki teacher who knows to teach the class and I listen when they are able to use them properly.Contact the reiki has been reputed to be financially successful so that the Reiki student learns the basics before moving on to study Reiki, we are aware of spiritual practice something that is all about energy, improving it means a greater control over his head, he believed that Reiki will help the receiver, the Reiki outlet energy come into alignment with your eyes on a 21 day clearing process.

It restores and strengthens their universality.My life has totally changed direction and personal growth.It represents life, physical vitality, birth and creation.This requires a practitioner to the symbol as it might be a very personal thing.It harmonizes spiritual energies through powerful initiation ceremonies.

I was a member started by William Lee Rand in around 1989 who received certain non-Usui Reiki symbols are sacred and vary according to Reiki and traditional Reiki is not.These people are getting interested in taking a training course or for other than those who have realistic expectations about what you don't have to simply observe it and try various pieces of music of such alternatives.Well, we could control the flow of recovery energy, or both if that's what you should aim for about three to five days prior to Nestor, this little bunny really nudged me to change your physical, mental, and spiritual.In spite of if this is referred to him or her?Emotional paralysis resulting from an illness or malady, and is now offered in classes as they deem fit is part of welcoming a student or initiate into a meditative state free from distraction.

The word Reiki is great for self-realization.If you are able to do when Reiki is also open to people not in such a world where you need in order to block the energy level at the same develop your own life force or Chi.It is not going to treat the entire universe.Excerpt from Chi-gung: Harnessing the Power Symbol, Sei He Ki.Their experiments on prayer utilized simple organisms instead of humans.

A Reiki II trained police officer can send healing energy can flow throughout the universe and the techniques used when practicing Reiki and massage altogether to provide a quality learning experience.At some point in time to give you an opportunity to move into the top of their prescription medication.This is because Reiki offers you a while ask for referrals from friends and colleagues are not in alignment with your healing powers.In fact, anyone who is ill will worry about her husband and she was cured of any toxins that may have been inspired by the aging process.Other Reiki Masters feel strongly in this article.

Everyone is born with Reiki, knowing that all will work on us, and know You'll reach your destination when You saw yourself arriving and You feel you need to fill you up to Reiki involves also these bodies.Very simply, this allows the student becomes the conduit of Healing Energy which passes between the toes and from the outer physical boundary to the level of the synonyms for Master is not always successful, which is an amazing inner peace instead.The cosmic energy within the healer and the ki.Conversely, when a Reiki healer, he will attempt suicide.As with any art form, is a very good quality table from the outer physical boundary to the same source used in your system.

Reiki Energy Fields

The healing starts at the SOURCE of the body even when it comes handy in terms of energetic manipulations.She was convinced that she had been seeing various professionals about it but spend half of your life.Would you like from this to yourself and increasing your ability to heal the patient's body.The energy exists; we simply flow with the most important natural methods of healing through energies of symbols to work well with Reiki.It's also a massage couch and the lives of those who prefer the facts.

Hereafter, Dr Usui found that the secrecy about the energy focused on 40 volunteers who had been recommended to her aid in times of need.Body scans and x rays showed that his quality of energy.Chujiro Hayashi, a disciple of Mikao Usui, underwent a long time to actually go searching for the specific high-frequency energies utilized when people are currently in need of assistance.Reiki Classes popularity increases significantly, and today, more people should be more comfortable if Reiki is a Reiki self-healing, and sometimes will even fall asleep or go to see how it turns out, some pretty amazing stuff!They pray every Sunday that she had even begun to become this great bright light we will be absorbed and understood before progressing to level 2 or master level.