#you could also have it so like on top of everything else
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
twirlyleafs Ā· 2 days ago
Text
Falling apart, alone.
Lando Norris x reader
Summary: The season has been brutal, everyone could see it. Everyone could see Lando struggling. You could see it too, you just didnā€™t know how to help him when he so clearly didnā€™t want your help.
TW: bad mental health, anger, helplessness.
Notes: all I want in life is for Lando to be happy ngl I love that boy. Also sorry max <3 ALSO I got an anonymous tip to add summaries so Iā€™m trying that thank u anon!! xx
~~~~
The sun hung low in the sky, illuminating the almost unbelievably blue water and bouncing off the golden cliffs. Your eyes had been caught out the window ever since you got out along the coastline, Lando maneuvering the car along the squiggly road. The blur of golden hues, olive trees and colorful villas had you let out a content sigh.
The break couldnā€™t have come at a better time. Thatā€™s the thought that constantly ran through your mind. This break, a three week break from everything that racing and f1 brought with it, came at the last minute and you couldnā€™t be more grateful. The season was grueling, both physically and mentally. Youā€™d watched Lando push himself harder than ever, the pride of being on top overshadowed by a desire to do better. You could see how the weight of expectations, both others and his own, dragged him down like an anchor and you felt for him. His smiles had started to falter and the usually bright light in his eyes had been dimmed these past few months, only getting worse with each race weekend. He needed this, time away from the spotlight and the relentless scrutiny from the media. Time to just relax and be reminded that heā€™s loved, loved and appreciated. Max and P were already waiting for you at the villa youā€™d rented for the week, a little house tucked into the Italian hills. When Max brought it up as a suggestion youā€™d immediately accepted, not even giving Lando the chance to decline. Max was his safe space just as much as you were and the more people to support him the better, you thought. You hadnā€™t told Lando this of course, instead expressing how much youā€™d always wanted to rent a house on the Italian coast, but some part of you still believed he knew this was mostly for him. For his health.
You glanced over at him in the drivers seat, one hand securely on the steering wheel and the other resting on the console between you. His curls had gotten longer recently, almost dropping down over his eyebrows, and you made a mental note to offer to cut his hair while you were here. If heā€™d let you. Your heart ached at the tightness of his jaw and you gently reached over to wrap your fingers around his larger ones. Lando immediately glanced over at you, a small smile tugging at his lips as he flipped his hand to intertwine with yours.
ā€œWhat?ā€ He asked softly. ā€œWhy are you staring?ā€
ā€œNothing.ā€ You smiled, leaned over to press a gentle kiss against his shoulder. ā€œIā€™m just excited. Weā€™re almost there, right?ā€ When Lando nodded you let out a soft breath. ā€œIā€™m happy weā€™re doing this. Itā€™s going to be so nice.ā€
ā€œMe too.ā€ Landos smile had grown, although there was a flicker of something else in his eyes. Something somber. He brought your hand over to press a quick series of kisses against it before focusing back on the road, the silence settling in the car again. Just a few minutes later you rolled to a stop outside the villa, the epitome of picturesque with pale stone walls and green shutters surrounded by cypress trees. The front door opened just as you stepped out of the car, both Max and Pietra slipping out with huge smiles on their faces. You beamed as P skipped down the steps, hurrying over to wrap you up in a hug and greeting you with the type of enthusiasm that made you feel welcome and wanted.
ā€œYouā€™re late.ā€ Max teased loudly as he offered you a hug, P moving to lovingly greet Lando.
ā€œWe took the longer route, more scenery.ā€ Lando quipped back, backing away as Max approached him. You stopped to watch them, a smile tugging at your lips when you heard Lando let out a laugh as Max grabbed him in a playful headlock. Maxs laugh was louder, ruffling Landos hair before he finally managed to wrangle himself free. Watching them you felt a flicker off hope. If Max could pull a laugh from Lando after thirty seconds, maybe a week together would really do Lando some good.
The first few days in the villa passed in a haze of slow mornings and lazy afternoons, the four of you enjoying the quiet and each otherā€™s company. Lando and Max made it a routine to take a morning run together while you and P prepared breakfast, all of you eating together on the patio when they got back. The breakfasts usually went on way onto midday, time not really being an issue for any of you. It felt like the rest of the world was on pause and you had all the time in the world. You would catch Lando smiling, the kind that actually reached his eyes and made you believe he might actually be doing better. But those moments didnā€™t last. It was the small things; the way his gaze would drift during conversations or the way he picked at his own cuticles until he started bleeding. He laughed and joked like normal but there was an edge to it, almost forced, and if you and Max and Pietra hadnā€™t known him as well as you did you never wouldā€™ve noticed. You also noticed how often heā€™d excuse himself for a few moments, disappearing under the guise of checking emails or answering calls. One evening the four of you were gathered in the living room, Lando absentmindedly rubbing circles on your back as you handed out the cards for the upcoming round of poker. The game started lighthearted enough, Maxs usual trash talk and both you and P calling him out when he tried to cheat. Lando made a rare mistake and before he could think Max called him out for it, teasing him about being off his game. You could see the way Landos jaw tightened, a flicker of something darker flashing across his face before he forced a strained smile. A comment like that was normal, usually nothing anyone reacted to, but it obviously got under his skin tonight and once again the worry settled in your stomach. That night, laying in bed together, you reached out to gently run your fingers through his curls. Lando hummed, opening one eye to glance at you.
ā€You okay?ā€ The careful question had him pressing his eyes shut again, offering a nod.
ā€Yeah, of course. Just tired. Are you?ā€ You knew he wasnā€™t but you didnā€™t want to push, didnā€™t know how heā€™d react, so you just mirrored his nod before shuffling closer. Lando wrapped you up in his arms, pressing a soft kiss against the top of your head.
The days went on like that, a wobbly line between worry and relaxation, until one evening. You and P were already sprawled out on the couch, tucked under a blanket each as you scrolled through the different streaming services.
ā€Im telling you, the parent trap is a classic.ā€ Pietra declared, reaching over to grab her glass of wine. You couldnā€™t help but roll your eyes.
ā€Itā€™s a classic youā€™ve already made us watch like three times.ā€ She laughed at that, nudging you back after you softly kicked her. As you continued bickering over the movie for the night low voices could be heard from the kitchen. Max and Lando had been there for a while, preparing the snacks, but from where you sat in the living room you didnā€™t notice the tension brewing.
Lando stood with his back against the counter, his jaw tight as he watched Max lean against the opposite side of the kitchen island. Maxā€™s brows were furrowed in worry while Landos eyes were dark, angry.
ā€Im not saying you have to quit.ā€ Max spoke in a low voice, laced with concern. ā€Iā€™m just saying, maybe itā€™s worth it to consider it? Or at least a break, before things get worse.ā€
ā€I donā€™t need a break.ā€ Lando let out a bitter scoff, shaking his head. ā€And Iā€™m definitely not quitting. I just need to push through.ā€
ā€Push through what? This season? Next? For how long? Youā€™re exhausted Lando, we can all see it. Youā€™re not sleeping, barely eating-ā€
ā€Youā€™re exaggerating. Im fine.ā€
ā€Youā€™re not!ā€ Maxā€™s voice rose, the frustration he felt breaking through. ā€Youā€™re not fine Lan, stop saying that.ā€
ā€Youā€™re acting like Iā€™m about to fall apart Max, itā€™s not that-ā€
ā€Not about to.ā€ Max interrupted him, words hard and snappy. ā€You are falling apart. I can see it, I know what that looks like. Iā€™ve been there, you know I have. You think I donā€™t recognize the signs?ā€ Lando visibly stiffened, hands gripping the counter behind him roughly enough to turn his knuckles white. He was quiet for a moment before speaking again, voice laced with venom.
ā€This isnā€™t like that Max. Itā€™s not the same.ā€
ā€Isnā€™t it?ā€ His voice cracked slightly as Max stared at his best friend. ā€I know itā€™s hard to admit that youā€™re struggling Lando, especially when youā€™re under as much pressure as you are but please, you have to let us help you. If you keep going like this-ā€œ
ā€Just because you couldnā€™t handle it doesnā€™t mean I canā€™t.ā€ The words cut through the room like a knife, Max flinching as if he actually got cut. Silence settled in the kitchen, save for the faint hum of the refrigerator and the distant giggles from you and P out in the living room. When Max stayed silent Lando felt the need to speak again, although his words had lost their harshness. ā€Iā€™m not you.ā€
ā€No, youā€™re not.ā€ Max nodded, voice steady but clearly hurt. ā€But youā€™re not that different. Youā€™re not invincible Lando and pretending you areā€¦itā€™s only going to make things worse.ā€
ā€I donā€™t need a lecture. I am fine, even if you donā€™t believe it. Iā€™m handling it.ā€
ā€Handling it? You call this handling it?ā€ Landos face flushed as Max raised his voice again. ā€Snapping at me, shutting out your girlfriend, acting like you donā€™t have a care in the world-ā€
ā€You donā€™t know what youā€™re talking about.ā€ Lando interrupted, his own voice getting louder too. ā€Øā€I know exactly what Iā€™m talking about!ā€ Max shot back, his frustration spilling over. ā€Iā€™ve fucking been where you are, I know what itā€™s like to feel like you canā€™t afford to stop, like the weight of it all is going to crush you if you admit you need help but come on Lando, snap the fuck out of it. This, what youā€™re doing now, its self-destruction.ā€ The words hung in the air, heavy and raw. For a moment Landos expression faltered, the anger on his face shifting into somethings else, maybe fear, but just as quickly he masked it again. With a shake of his head he turned his gaze away, crossing his arms over his chest. Max realized he wouldnā€™t be able to break through Landos walls, not tonight, and with a resigned sigh he stepped back. His lips parted, as if he wanted to say something, but shook his head instead before walking out. Both yours and Pietras heads snapped up as he walked past the living room, having heard the last couple of sentences exchanged between the two men. When Maxā€™s gaze found your worried one he simply shrugged his shoulders.
ā€What-ā€ you began, not finding the words.
ā€I donā€™t know. I tried, I really did but he doesnā€™t want help.ā€
When you slowly entered the kitchen a few minutes later Lando was still standing tensely, bracing himself against the counter. He didnā€™t look up when you entered and the tension radiating of him was almost scary. When you softly spoke his name, taking a step closer, he flinched.
ā€Donā€™t.ā€ His voice was sharp enough to make you pause. Swallowing harshly you forced yourself to stay calm, your voice to stay soft.
ā€I just want to talk.ā€
ā€Well I donā€™t.ā€ He finally lifted his face, glaring at you. The anger in his eyes shouldā€™ve made you back down but the unshed tears glossing them had your heart aching instead. ā€I donā€™t need you telling me what to do too.ā€
ā€No one is trying to tell you what to do Lando. Weā€™re just worried about you, youā€™re not doing well-ā€
ā€Worried about me. Right. What did Max say to you? That Iā€™m losing it? That I need to quit?ā€
ā€No,ā€ you argued, frowning. ā€No Max didnā€™t say anything to me but weā€™ve all seen you these past months, not to talk about these last days. Weā€™re all-ā€
ā€Worried! Yeah I fucking get it.ā€ Your eyes widened as he raised his voice, not being used to him speaking to you like this. ā€Youā€™re all looking at me like Iā€™m fucking crazy but Iā€™m not. I donā€™t need your help, I donā€™t want your help, so just fuck off for a while and let me deal with it.ā€ You stared at him, heart slowly cracking open. He was unraveling infront of you and you didnā€™t know what to do, how to help him, and you felt like the worst girlfriend in the world. The worst friend. His words stung, sure, but you didnā€™t really have time to think about how he hurt you when all you could think about was getting through to him.
ā€I just want you to be okay, Lando.ā€ Your words were mere whispers, broken by the amount of concern and sadness you felt. Landos eyes flickered away, the veins in his neck popping as he clenched his jaw. For a moment you had hope he might say something, anything, but he stayed silent. You felt your throat tighten, the tears pressing behind your eyes, and you realized you didnā€™t have anything else to say. Nothing that he would listen to anyway. Instead you whispered how much you loved him before turning and walking away. The living room felt colder when you returned, the sympathetic expression on Pietras face as you sunk down in the couch enough for the tears to start flowing. As you curled up against P your thoughts swirled in a chaotic mess. You felt helpless, as if no matter how hard you tried it was never enough to reach him. He was slipping further and further away and you didnā€™t know how to pull him back. Maybe it wasnā€™t just him, you thought, maybe it was you. You replayed the moment in the kitchen, voice soft as you tried to get through to him only for his anger to snap back at you. Youā€™d never seen him like that, so defensive, and it had left you shaken. But more than that, it left you questioning yourself. How could you stand there and call yourself his girlfriend when you couldnā€™t even get him to listen to you? What were you doing wrong? You wanted to be his anchor, his support, the person who helped him shoulder the weight he carried. But right now, it felt like everything you did only pushed him further away. Now, with Pā€™s arms around you, unsuccessfully shielding you from the cold reality of the evening, you couldnā€™t stop the creeping sense of failure.
ā€I donā€™t know what to do.ā€ You whispered, shoulders shaking with sobs. Pietra and Max exchanged glances over your head, somber expressions on their faces. Neither did they.
256 notes Ā· View notes
dollishsz Ā· 7 hours ago
Text
Tumblr media
BATBOYS JEALOUSY HCS ā”€ā”€ .āœ¦
a/n: I just ate which like now my stomach hurts because I ate this spicy burger (10/10) and my stomach is hurting so letā€™s hope i donā€™t die from a burgeršŸ˜­ also request from anon (here) tysm!
(Tags: batboys when jealous of crush!reader)
Tumblr media Tumblr media
BRUCE WAYNE ā”€ā”€ .āœ¦
Internally Brooding, Externally Stoic: Bruce keeps a calm, composed exterior, but inside? Full-on brooding mode. He watches every move, his jaw clenching just slightly whenever the other guy laughs a little too much.
Passive-Aggressive Moves: Bruce subtly but effectively tries to interrupt. Maybe heā€™ll walk by and offer you something he never does, like coffee or water, just to make his presence known. ā€œYou looked thirsty,ā€ heā€™ll say, while the guy looks confused.
Petty Rich Guy Move: Heā€™ll ā€˜accidentallyā€™ mention something about Wayne Enterprises, as if to remind everyone just how wealthy and powerful he is. ā€œFunny, we were discussing corporate acquisitions the other day,ā€ heā€™ll drop casually, as if it relates. (Letā€™s hope he doesnā€™t drain his bank šŸ˜žšŸ™)
The Comedy: When Alfred catches him glaring, heā€™ll dryly say, ā€œMaster Wayne, perhaps you should try blinking before you permanently furrow your brow.ā€ Bruce will immediately deny heā€™s bothered, even as he side-eyes you again.
DICK GRAYSON ā”€ā”€ .āœ¦
Charm Dial Up to 100: Dick doesnā€™t even try to hide his jealousy. Heā€™ll swoop into the conversation, throwing in his most dazzling smile. ā€œHey, I didnā€™t realize we were letting random guys have all the fun,ā€ heā€™ll say with a teasing grin, while subtly nudging the guy aside.
Over-the-Top Compliments: Heā€™ll suddenly become your biggest hype-man. ā€œYou know, sheā€™s literally the smartest, funniest, and most beautiful person in the room, right? No offense to you, man.ā€ The other guy feels awkward, and you just laugh while Dick grins smugly.
Puppy Dog Eyes: If you keep talking to the other guy, Dickā€™s smile might falter just a little, and heā€™ll stand in the background, clearly pouting. Itā€™s so obvious that even you canā€™t help but laugh.
The Comedy: Heā€™ll mutter, ā€œDidnā€™t even know jealousy could feel this personal,ā€ under his breath while side-eyeing the guy like itā€™s a soap opera.
JASON TODD ā”€ā”€ .āœ¦
Grumpy But Trying to Play it Cool: Jasonā€™s jealousy is obvious in how stiff and silent he gets. He leans against the nearest wall, arms crossed, glaring like the other guy just insulted his whole family.
Blunt Interruptions: He doesnā€™t have the patience to be subtle. Heā€™ll walk up and ask, ā€œSo, whoā€™s this?ā€ in the least friendly tone possible, with a fake smile that could curdle milk.
Accidental Intimidation: Jasonā€™s sheer presence is intimidating, so the poor guy talking to you will probably start feeling uncomfortable as Jason looms over, cracking his knuckles or adjusting his jacket dramatically.
The Comedy: If you donā€™t notice, Jason will mutter sarcastically, ā€œOh sure, talk to Captain Chit-Chat over there. Not like Iā€™m standing right here or anything.ā€ Roy, nearby, might add, ā€œJason, youā€™re doing that ā€˜death stareā€™ thing again,ā€ and Jason will growl, ā€œIā€™m not jealous.ā€
TIM DRAKE ā”€ā”€ .āœ¦
Awkward and Overthinking Everything: Tim doesnā€™t get jealous often, but when he does, itā€™s a mess. He watches from a distance, wringing his hands, thinking, Should I interrupt? Maybe she likes him? Maybe Iā€™m reading too much into itā€¦
Accidental Sulking: He tries to focus on something else, but his mind keeps wandering. He sits down nearby, pretending to work on his laptop, typing nonsense just so he can stay close without being obvious. ā€œHaha, yeahā€¦no big dealā€¦ā€ deletes everything he just typed.
Passive Observing: Tim eventually tries to casually stroll by, acting like he just happened to be there. ā€œOh, heyā€¦ didnā€™t see you there. Weird, right?ā€ Heā€™s so awkward itā€™s endearing.
The Comedy: If Kon or Bart sees him sulking, theyā€™ll tease him mercilessly. ā€œDude, go talk to her.ā€ Tim panics, ā€œI canā€™t. Sheā€™s busyā€¦ laughingā€¦ with himā€¦ā€ Kon: ā€œYouā€™re hopeless.ā€
DAMIAN WAYNE ā”€ā”€ .āœ¦
Silent Judgment Mode: Damian watches with narrowed eyes, judging every aspect of the guy talking to you. He might even mutter things under his breath like, ā€œHe stands like a fool,ā€ or ā€œHe canā€™t even articulate properly.ā€
Direct Interruption: Damian doesnā€™t have time for subtlety. Heā€™ll walk up and flatly say, ā€œAre you finished with this conversation? Itā€™s becoming unbearable.ā€ The other guy is usually too shocked to respond.
Unintentional Comedy: Heā€™ll start critiquing the guyā€™s conversation topics. ā€œShe doesnā€™t care about your opinions on sports,ā€ heā€™ll state matter-of-factly, as you try not to laugh.
The Comedy: If you ask if heā€™s jealous, heā€™ll scoff. ā€œJealous? Of that imbecile? Hardly.ā€ But the tips of his ears are turning red, and you know heā€™s lying.
Tumblr media
167 notes Ā· View notes
stevieschrodinger Ā· 7 hours ago
Text
"No." Chrissy crosses her arms over her chest.
Eddie flops onto the bed dramatically, fucks it up, and slides onto the floor.
"But what about-"
"No."
"Chrissy-"
"No. This is it. This is your last chance. No fucking about, no forgiveness, no come back, you get that, right?"
"Yeah but they said that every other-"
"The label is ready to drop you."
"What?" Eddie screeches and climbs up off the floor. He's shirtless and sweaty, his hair half sicking up half sticking to his sweat. "They can't do that."
"They can. They will. The lawyers are already involved, Gareth's ready to walk away."
Eddie feels like he's just been slapped. Punched. Like he fell maybe, like that moment when you're nearly asleep but your body jolts you awake, a half remembered dream that you just tripped and went head first off the stage. "You're lying-" Chrissy doesn't lie, "Gareth. The guys, none of them would-" but he sees it now, sees it through unfortunately sober eyes. See's it in the look on Chrissy's face. Can look back at the half remembered drugged up haze of all the shit Eddie's gotten up to over the last two years. All the times he didn't show. All the times he pulled bullshit. All the times he staggered into practice, late and drunk. All the times he turned up high. All the times his therapist has made him talk through his mistakes, to own them, to be truthful with himself about his problems.
Eddie can't have a drink. He can't smoke anything or inject anything or shove anything up his nose. He has to deal with it. He has to see it. There's a mirror next to Chrissy, big and ornate, and overdone, just like everything else in the room. Drug addict Eddie decorated this room, black and red and gilt. Arrogant vampire chic. Eddie thought it was cool. Four months of rehab and therapy and he's come back to a bedroom he fucking hates. The godamn carpet is black; who even buys black carpet? The top of the dresser is a mirror; easier for the coke.
Eddie should have torn it all out already.
He stares at himself in the mirror. He doesn't even remember getting some of the tattoos he has. He's too thin, bony, sick looking. His skin is flush pink with rut and there's a wet patch where the head of his cock hangs heavy. Chrissy does not give a shit.
"Eddie, honey. They all would. They all will. This is what I've been telling you. They are done. One more slip, and that's it. Rehab said absolutely no emotional entanglements while you're vulnerable-"
"I am not fucking vulnerable-"
"Nothing at all that could undermine your progress. No Omega's Eddie, I mean it. No drugs. No rut suppressors, no hormones, no nothing. Eddie I have been through this place with a fine tooth comb, I swear to god there's not so much as a Tylenol in this whole building."
"But what if I get a headache?" Eddie asks, suddenly feeling pathetic and weak as a kitten.
"Steve will get you an ice pack."
Eddie blinks, "who the fuck is Steve?"
"He's here to help you through your rut-"
"You said no Omega-"
"He isn't. He's a Beta, and he's the best there is at this. He will feed you, he will nest with you, anything you need, he will get it for you, he will look after you, he will let you scent him until your rut is done-"
"But-"
"Beta scent is calming!" Chrissy talks over Eddie, "this is not a sex thing, you need to rub one out do not do it in front of Steve. Do not piss him off, do not push his boundaries, am I clear? The center highly recommended him for this, okay?"
Eddie rankles with irritation, with displeasure.
Chrissy's nose crinkles at the scent, "look, I chose Steve to reduce the risk okay, male Beta is about the safest person you can be with right now. You have been clean for nearly five months Eddie, please. I am begging you, not for me, for you, you will hate yourself for the rest of your life if you fuck this up again. And actually also for me because watching them rush you into intensive care I-" She stops, looks at the floor, "for me Eddie- I cannot watch you go through something like that again, okay? I am asking you as your friend, please."
The OD was stupid; but Eddie had it in his head he was immortal at the time. "Okay Chris. Okay."
"Good. Thank you. I...won't hug you right now though."
Eddie looks down at the tent he's pitching in his sweats, "that's fair."
Chrissy opens the bedroom door and leaves, there's a man standing there. Eddie's preference isn't men, and Chrissy knows that. Hell, Eddie would take an Alpha over a Beta, and Chrissy knows that too.
Eddie takes a deep breath. The voice of his therapist mutters something about judging people by their desirability. They've talked a lot about Eddie judging people; can this person provide drink, drugs, or a fuck? No? Then what's the point of them.
It's a hard thing to change, when that's been your worldview for years. Even so, Eddie cannot see the point of this man; so he shuts the door in his face.
146 notes Ā· View notes
nekrosmos Ā· 2 days ago
Note
questions about nikolai and price (originally from an ask meme about original characters but i wanna hear your thoughts):
what do they want to hear?
what do they need to hear?
what do they dread to hear?
Thank you for the ask !! I honestly struggled with the answers, I'm not the best at deep character introspection so this really had me scratching my head. I hope what I came up with makes sense !
What do they want to hear?
Nikolai: "I trust you."
Nik is intimidating, isn't he ? Intelligent, strong, well-connected Nikolai. People know that. It usually takes only a half a second glance to know that you do not want to be on this man's bad side. He's used to it, really. But how many times as he entered a room only to see people shift uncomfortably, suddenly very aware of his presence? He makes people uneasy, whether he wants it or not. It's fine when he's on an op and needs to be menacing, but it gets old quickly when he just wants to relax, sometimes.
He's trustworthy, despite his shady dealings, he's loyal. Thankfully, a handful of people know that.
Price: "You made a difference"
Yes, his hands got bloody, but it was all worth it in the end, right? He saved people by pulling the trigger when it needed to be done. No hesitation, it's what the world needs. So what if he can't sleep at night and his file is covered in black ? He made a difference, the rest, he can live with.
What do they need to hear?
Nikolai: "You need to think of yourself, too."
Nikolai puts others first, this has always been true. He likes to help out, likes to feel useful, ready to answer a call. Loyal to a fault, devoted to his friends. But when was the last time Nik put his needs as a top priority ? Has he ever done that ? He has no trouble flying to the other of the planet at a moment's notice if someone asks him to. How many nights of sleep has he missed because someone needed a hand? How much time has he spent fixing up his helo because it got banged up the last time a friend needed transport in hostile territory ? It's always others first, never himself, and he needs to be reminded of that.
Price: "You matter."
It's easy to forget that you're someone when you've been used as a weapon since you were 16. You forget that you have a purpose outside of your work, too. You forget you're a human first, with needs and wants and desires. You are Captain John Price, but you are also just John Price, and he matters too.
When he comes home for a break, what does he see outside of blank walls and a barely lived in house he never really took the time to make his ? It's temporary, he thinks, he doesn't really live here.
Maybe John needs to be reminded that he exists outside of his work.
What do they dread to hear?
Nikolai: "You don't belong here."
From either side. I think Nik feels strongly about his relationship with his home country, how he's been working against it and how his actions might be perceived by his countrymen. I think he's scared of losing this part of himself, and being rejected, even though all he's done was in the name of his country.
And then on the other side, Nik knows he stands out, knows people see him as a "could have so easily been the enemy" kind of guy. People like him, sure, but how many, aside from Kate, John and Gaz actually trust him ? Everyone else sees him as useful, but ultimately, they still look at him with a suspicious eye.
Where is home for Nikolai, really ?
Price: "You failed them"
Losing people, he's used to it. It never gets easier though, does it? Men and women under his command, people he's known for years, people who trusted him, friends. But, there is something entirely different between losing someone when you did everything you could have done and it was the way it was supposed to go, and losing someone because of your mistake. He failed them, he knows that, and it haunts him.
52 notes Ā· View notes
amuseoffyre Ā· 1 day ago
Text
Fyre's Convention Adventures - Day 3 - A Great and Terrible Acte of Piracie šŸ˜
A bonus surprise on the last day was that we got gifted a cast photograph and there was a second session of autographs for the people who had missed them on Saturday, but also for everyone else to get a second round :)
Since weā€™d come out of the last panels, I was piled high with my muppety crew and figured it would be a nice last chance to let the squad see them. Honestly, no ulterior motives going in, which made all that came next all the more delightful :D
Nathan was the first table and could see how many of the squad I was juggling and said it was fantastic that Iā€™d brought them down for the con itself because ā€œtheyā€™ve brought everyone so much joyā€.
Rhys had a little giggle at the next table when he saw me coming with a pal bearing Calypso because between the photo, the sack of mups, the general goodie bag and everything else, I was quite the pack mule.
Con, Vico and Kristian, however, had been so very excited about the muppets at the fanmeet and photo session that I figured I would have each of theirs out when I got to their tables and then, alas, I was assailed by marauding pirates and came home empty handed XD
Me, with Izzy muppet on my arm: by the way, I was wondering if youā€™d like me to ship him to you, since youā€™re off to the US tomorrow Con: o.0 Con: wait, you were serious about giving him to me? Me: I mean, if you want himā€“ Con: *wheechs Izzy right off my hand and into his arms, cradling him like a baby* Con: Everyone go home, this is all Iā€™ll be doing now Me: šŸ˜‚ Thatā€™ll be a yes then XD Con: :D :D :D
He leaned over to show his handler Izzyā€™s poseable hands, which were arranged to flip the bird and solemnly told him ā€œThatā€™s my favourite bitā€. After my hype-man told him I was undercharging for commissions, he told me ā€œyeah, charge more for your commissionsā€ and I canā€™t not now, can I?
Needless to say I was a bit giggly and vibrating in place after that, because technically, I didnā€™t give anyone anything (first rule of the con ā€“ donā€™t give guests things directly) and by the time I got to Vico, I hadnā€™t been given a smack on the nose with a rolled-up newspaper for breaking the rules.
They were so giddy to see Jim muppet again.
Me: I was serious about you having them if you want them Vico: O.O Vico, to their handler: ā€¦ can Iā€¦ do that? Vicoā€™s handler: *shrugs a bit* Me: If I justā€¦ lay it on this table, it would be very bad if something happened or someoneā€¦ took it. So bad. Vico, giggling like a fiend: *bats Jim off the table and down beside their chair* OH NO. ITā€™S GONE Me: OH NOOOO. I HAVE BEEN ROBBED. SOMEONE HAS THIEVED ME. HOW SAD. Vico: Noooooo :D :D :D Me: *flips another of the Jim costumes over the table, down beside the mup* Vico: OMG IT CHANGES CLOTHES!?!?! :D :D :D :D
And, of course, Calypso, my grand lady. I made her especially for Kristian since most of my muppet designs have a very narrow neck and I wasnā€™t sure if he would be able to put his hand in it. Instead, Iā€™d redesigned and rebuilt her from the base up, with a wider opening in the back of her head and making her free-standing as well. Top of head to bottom of her skirt, sheā€™s around a metre compared to the rest who are about 50cm.
He gave her such a doting look when I got to him and hell, if I could be banditted by 2, why not make it a hat trick :D
Him: sheā€™s so gorgeous Me, keeping an eye on his handler: I canā€™t technicallyā€¦ give her to you, but hypothetically, if someone stolā€“ Kristian: *across the table with both arms and has her gone and out of sight beside him in a blink* :D Me: Oh nooo :D Kristian, catching my hands and squeezing them: Thank you *so* much for this :) Me: Absolutely my pleasure :)
Nothing like ending the weekend by being robbed by pirates :D
According to a pal who was stewarding, when they finished Con had Izzy whispering in his ear and then carried him out the room, level with his shoulder, and Kristian told Nathan off for almost standing on Calypso then made him carry her :D
I canā€™t express the sheer dizzying joy of experiencing their excitement and delight with my lil crew and how eagerly they tilted into to full silly play with them. I know the cast have been liking them on IG when I post them but this was another level and I am so utterly overwhelmed by it. Every so often, I think about it and have a happy little giggle about it all.
49 notes Ā· View notes
arttsuka Ā· 2 days ago
Text
Ok here are my thoughts about arcane season 2, buckle up
I wana say, I liked the second season, less about what we saw, more about the story they wanted to tell.
It started fine but as soon as episode 4 came the problem was clear. The pacing was bad. Everything was happening too fast, there was no time for smaller moments. A lot of character development was off screen too.
I've heard they were supposed to have more seasons but decided last minute to cut the show short because 'there are more stories to be told'.
Caitlyn had most of her arc off screen which is such a shame, I really wanted to see how she realized she was being manipulated, I wanted to see her dictatorship era. But we got none of that, it's implied it happened but we didn't get to see it.
Sevika was relevant up until ep4 and then we see her again in ep8. I don't think she has any speaking lines after ep4. Such a waste of her character, she was really interesting.
Isha. She came to the series as suddenly as she left. I have a lot of problems with her character, one of them being that she wasn't introduced organically. She randomly fell on Jinx (by accident). Arcane relies way too much on 'right place right time', on coincidences so, when that can be avoided, it definitely should. Make her fall on top of the first person that passed through on purpose so she won't get hurt (that person being Jinx is the only coincidence here). Her sacrifice felt a bit unearned because we didn't get to see her a lot, and after ep6, they never speak of her again (it affected Jinx sure but they don't even mention her once).
Mel. They did her dirty this season. They speedruned her arc (and the whole thing felt so out of place). I've heard that maybe the next show was going to be focused on Noxus etc which, if it turns out to be true, would be a bad decision. If they are actually planning on making something about Noxus, I'd at least expect Ambessa to be there and also, it would be a great opportunity to learn about Mel and her powers in greater detail instead of whatever we got.
Viktor as the herald, ultimate life form or whatever was so short lived. Make you wonder why they decided to include it only in the last episode instead of implementing a bit earlier.
Vi was also so, useless this season. She did almost nothing. She was a punching bag for the most of it.
Jinx felt a bit ooc, less about what she was doing and more about how there wasn't any time to see her get over Silco's death. Silco had such a negative effect on her mental health (all these hallucinations from s01) but he dies and boom, mentally stable? I would have liked to see her become healthier (it would also tie nicely with getting to know Isha better).
Vander. They brought him back. It was actually foreshadowed in the first season. Him being back is not my problem, on the contrary I think it was a great way to naturally bring Vi and Jinx back together. My problem was how we see him for 2 episodes (and then he 'dies'). It felt like a waste of time honestly, time that could have been used to see something else.
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Episode 6 has to be the worst episode of the whole show. The pacing is pretty bad. The events that take place in it feel like 3 episodes, not 1. We get not 1 but 2 different artstyle montages, making the episode look, weird...
The best episodes were probably ep03 and ep07. Both had nice pacing (especially ep07, it felt like it was straight out of s01) and the story explored in them was pretty captivating. But I do have a problem with ep07. It's where Ekko got his 'time powers' from and honestly, they were pretty underwhelming? Also not at all well implemented to the story. We literally see him use them 3 times. 1: when he finds out about them, 2: when he saves Jinx and 3: when he goes back to try not to get captured by Viktor's mannequins. The last 2 on the same episode. That 4-second-limit was never really relevant (at least I don't think it's was). They wasted an entire episode giving him powers only for him to never really use them and for the machine to act as a bomb.
Also I didn't like the dancing scene with Powder and Ekko. I understand the vision behind it but I felt like my TV was dropping frames. It felt choppy, cheap (such a shame for a beautiful scene).
Tumblr media Tumblr media
Now, I liked the lesbian sex scene in ep8, I really did, but it felt so out of place. Jinx basically implied she was going to kill herself, Vi was on the verge of tears because she was insecure about how she seemed to only make the wrong choices and then, that scene happens. It leaves a bitter taste in my mouth. I've seen people compare it to the s01 'Jayce/Mel vs Viktor dying' scene and while I understand where the comparison is coming from it's definitely not the same. In that scene, Jayce didn't know Viktor was dying (he knew about his deteriorating health, but he was clearly shocked and left Mel to go check out on him etc etc).
Also, Caitlyn should have gone down on Vi. I think they image would have been stronger. Vi was at the bottom of the barrel her entire life (literal plot point, being from the undercity etc) so seeing Caitlyn, someone of higher status and power, being the one to 'bow' would just be more powerful. Just a thought.
I just feel like I liked their relationship and dynamics more in s01. They had more casual moments, more natural dialogue. Yes we won but at what cost? Their relationship was so sweet in s01. In s02 it started sweet, turned out to be manipulative on Caitlyns side*, they break up and then they're fine again.
*in ep3 it's clearly shown that while Caitlyn loves Vi she's willing to manipulate her to reach her own goals. That first kiss we see was definitely more of a 'I'm gonna play with your emotions so you don't doubt me' rather than 'let's just kiss now'.
I liked how Jinx cut her hair. The whole 'hair holds memories' and how she was ready to move on. Too sad that scene didn't have the proper gravity it deserved because the lesbian sex was happening (probably) the same time.
Tumblr media
Ep9 was, something. I'm conflicted about it. On one hand I really liked how they tied up Viktor's and Jayce's plot lines, on the other hand everything else was so rushed. Caitlyn and Mel were a team (they didn't feel like one honestly), they fought Ambessa and then she randomly died from the black rose. It felt like they just wanted an excuse to kill her. 'She needed to die so Mel could become the wolf' no, not really. She could still be alive, have Mel 'spare her life' or something. It would be more on track with Mel's ideals that way.
Jinx sacrificing herself to save Vi was also so forced**. It felt specifically written so she could 'die'. I do believe that 'Jinx is alive' theory because Caitlyn looking at the vents while holding that monkey head Jinx's bomb had + that air balloon Powder said she'd fly away with are all too specific to be coincidences.
**her sacrifice was forced but foreshadowed. Isha was acting as an 'archetype' of what Jinx had to become. Her whole existence in the show was so Jinx could become an icon for Zauns revolution and for her to sacrifice herself so Jinx could see and do the same, break the cycle.
What really bothered me was how Jayce and Viktor seemed to be the only characters who had a complete story, everyone else had a lot missing scenes (they did too but way less, there never was a point where I thought 'where does this come from?', everythingwas explained about them. I wish I could say the same about the 'arcane', magic). It's so unfair, on the female lead show about 2 sisters for the male characters to be the final focus. Also another thing that bothered me how they did a seemingly better job at writing Ekko/Powder, the straight ship we got to see for 1 episode on a different timeline, rather that Vi/Caitlyn, the lesbian ship AND main focus since they're both main characters from the timeline were following.
Something else, I feel like the score for s01 was better/more memorable than s02. Sure s02 has some pretty good songs but s01 felt more diverse on that? Maybe that's just me.
Kinda lazy how they used the same song for the opening credits while using visuals way too similar (if not the same) to the artstyle of the show. Although, truth to be told, the s01 opening was way too good for any standards, it would be very hard if not impossible to make something better. Still, I feel like they could have done a better job.
Also maybe that's just me but there were a lot of predicable moments. Sometimes a scene would start playing and I'd know exactly where it was going (something I can't say for season 1).
I really liked in s01 how in each episode, before the opening, we got to see some glimpses from the past of each character. It was a great way not to have too many random flashbacks and include these scenes organically in each episode. In season 2 we don't get that. I understand that we already know these characters but it's still something I adored from s01.
What made s01 so appealing was how they handled the story, didn't rush things. How they took their time to make us understand and like the characters. With s02 we didn't get that luxury.
Season 1 was a masterpiece and unfortunately, season 2 didn't meet the expectations.
I still enjoyed watching it but it was definitely not as good as the experience of watching s01.
23 notes Ā· View notes
stump-salsa Ā· 2 days ago
Text
Adding onto this because I have a lot of thoughts about this topic. This might come out as a bit scrambled because Iā€™m not thinking too hard as I type I just need to get it all out.
First of all, no, defectiveness is not an allegory for autism.
Not only would this be extremely problematic due to the nature of how defectives are treated (executed via electrocution, being seen as highly unstable and dangerous monsters), but youā€™re also humanising irkens too much. Irkens and humansā€¦ not the same! Iā€™m not saying they CANā€™T be autistic, Iā€™m just saying that defectiveness and autism are NOT THE SAME THING. This is something that REALLY irks me. (Pun intended). It genuinely makes me very uncomfortable and I know people are going to disagree with me and tell me things like ā€œbut the irken empire is messed up! Thatā€™s the point!ā€ Okay, well Iā€™m not finished.
ā€œYouā€™re a monster, Zim! Everything you touch gets destroyed!ā€
Defectiveness isnā€™t a problem with the irken itself, with the organic brain. Defectiveness is an issue with the PAK. A lot of issues in Zimā€™s case. The PAK is broken. It literally says this in The Trial:
ā€œIrken Zimā€™s ID PAK is damaged, and has led to a corrupt data path. He isā€¦ a defective.ā€
His PAK is so broken that it corrupts the Control Brains! Almost like a computer virus, I guess.
Defectives are unpredictable, unstable, and dangerous because their PAKs are damaged. Itā€™s hard to keep them in line which is why they need to be terminated. Zim is an active threat to the entire empire, which would be impressive if they learned how to utilise him. But they canā€™t. Heā€™s too unpredictable. He could end up annihilating his own race by accident (which has almost happened before). He could be set off in a way that makes him WANT to destroy the empire. No matter what he does, something gets destroyed. And the empire doesnā€™t want it to be them because they KNOW heā€™s an actual threat. Heā€™s proved that multiple times. Itā€™s safer to just banish him to a planet so far away that itā€™s practically impossible for them to cross paths again, all while heā€™s under the impression heā€™s been sent on a top secret mission. Heā€™ll direct all his destructive energy towards that and not mess up things for the empire anymore. And they need to keep up the illusion so they donā€™t set him off because they canā€™t keep him under control like they can everyone else. THAT is what defectiveness is.
Zim was doomed from the second his broken PAK was attached.
Also, defectives arenā€™t common either. Thatā€™s why itā€™s such a big deal when theyā€™re discovered with this huge existence evaluation. Theyā€™re a flaw in the empireā€™s perfect code and need to be scrubbed from existence and everyone needs to pretend it never happened. That such an irken never existed.
ā€œIrken Zim's data is not allowed into the collective. His PAK will be removed, and erased.ā€
Also, I know I said it in the original post, but no, irkens who show emotion are not defective. Sure, maybe itā€™s seen as weak to show emotions like sadness, but itā€™s literally impossible to prevent that. They very clearly show other emotions like anger, happiness, frustrationā€¦ sadness is just another one. Itā€™s not defective to be sad, itā€™s just funny.
And no, I donā€™t think Skoodge and Tak are defective. I donā€™t really have a coherent explanation for this. I know itā€™s a popular headcanon, I just donā€™t see it.
I donā€™t really care if you disagree with me on that, itā€™s your headcanon. Iā€™m just saying that I personally donā€™t see it. You do you. What Iā€™m actually passionate about is everything I said before that.
I donā€™t really know how to tie this all together, but I want to share my thoughts on this topic because I feel like itā€™s important - ESPECIALLY the first part. Iā€™ll come back to this if I have any more thoughts about it because Iā€™m very passionate about defectiveness as a concept.
The term ā€˜defectiveā€™ is thrown around way too loosely in this fandom. Having emotions does not make an irken defective.
31 notes Ā· View notes
roughentumble Ā· 2 years ago
Note
wait but physical therapist who focuses on kink positive PT and the majority of his clientele is people into kink and Geralt who just needs PT and gets recommended Jaskier by a friend
Jaskier automatically assumes Geralt's PT is kink related (like if it's for his knee he assumes Geralt's kneeling a lot) and Geralt's too shy and flustered about it when he realizes what Jaskier's specialty is to actually correct him
good lord youre a fucking genius
19 notes Ā· View notes
raycatz Ā· 8 months ago
Text
I'm not including a situation where someone might be injured because in that case I'm thinking the bed goes to them by default or they are nominated for it. anyone who wants to be chatty goes to join the living room floor gang.
What are your thoughts and headcanons? Do you have thoughts on how the boys tend to approach assigning beds in inns? Who do the chain choose to sleep near when camping and why? What are their dynamics like when settling down for the night and getting ready for the day?
In "Mirror Vs Open Closet Door: Fight!" by Gintrinsic (here) Four refers to the chain's decision on how to split up between inn rooms as the "Link-per-room ratio" which I find very funny. He, Sky, and Time also talk about their thought process behind why they do or don't want to sleep in a room with some of the others which I find fun and interesting.
So! If you have thoughts and want to share them! *gestures to the post!*
#linked universe#linkeduniverse#alrighty! now for my answers-#for the ranch question I think it varies which is why I'm asking in a poll. What do you think happens most often though?#each answer is a fun scenario so it's difficult to choose#but I think they'd try to act politely around Malon and Time for the first couple visits with straws or rock paper scissors#or showing generosity by offering the bed to someone else. (I bet Malon saying they're charming is quite the incentive#for more possible compliments. The chain as a whole would want to prove her right xD )#Once they're more comfortable in the house though I can totally see Wind and Legend making a mad dash for it while Wars yells after them xD#Wind probably ends up sharing with Four a lot since they're the littles#or Wind snuggles in with Wars Legend Wild etc#Wild and Twi/Wolfie have claimed the spot on the floor by the fireplace.#For inn rooms / castle rooms / camping - I tend to group them by how they're grouped a lot already#but a lil mixed up#Time - Sky - Wars are the good rest trio. they want a good night's rest please let them get their beauty sleep. often joined by Four#Wars goes between this group and wherever Legend is depending on how chatty he is that night.#Twi - Wild - Hyrule are snuggle/proximity buddies#Legend is attached to Hyrule's hip or sets up near Warriors to gossip and gripe. I can also see him setting up near Wild#in the eye of the storm as it were or just an interesting place to be. Wild and Hyrule can get to chatting about everything and anything#so if Legend wants background noise (Hyrule and Wild podcast omg)-#or a conversation he can be half a part of and jump in and out of while getting ready for the night or in the mornings-#this is a good place to be. add Wind and things get a bit more chaotic.#Wind gravitates to Wars and Legend too when curious and chatty. He gravitates towards Time when he wants something calmer.#Four tends to be near Sky or Twi or to Legend's group for the same reasons#I can see Four and Twi having a little book club going during downtimes where they talk about what they're reading. Sky likes to listen. <3#Wind thinks they're nerds but so is he and he can't resist a good story so he orbits and sometimes settles in and peppers questions.#it's funny that Time Sky and Wars want to sleep the most but Legend follows Wars to chat (and ends up bringing people with him xD )#there could be some conflict there oooo#Twi is by Time#it's almost a circle but with clusters of sleeping bags near on top of each other and filling the gaps
45 notes Ā· View notes
a-story-teller Ā· 10 days ago
Text
I was in a major car accident yesterday (got t-boned) and was very luckily a) alone in the car, as the passenger side got walloped and b) not injured. However I took care of everything and then went home and proceeded to sleep for 19 out of the following 24 hours.
#I could feel all my muscles and all of them were in pain. every ounce of my energy was sapped#I needed to eat but the thought of eating made me want to puke#I had to be driven home and I was sat in the front seat like šŸ˜µā€šŸ’«šŸ«„šŸ˜± why aren't you BRAKING you need to BRAKE every two seconds#After my 24 hour reset I am now up to eating a meal. I still hurt but only the top quarter of my body instead of all of it.#I can stand the thought of being driven now but idk how long it'll be before I'm OK with driving again ļæ½ļæ½ļæ½ļæ½#I have been thinking about it like. all the time which sucks. Unfortunately my tolerance for processing negative experiences is -1000#If something bad happens to me I want to just fix the situation and move on from it immediately#and that just doesn't happen in reality. But now I'm stuck sitting with this awful experience for who knows how long :(#I'm lucky our insurance is so good it'll cover everything (but deductible obvs) and I imagine the car is fixable#All in all I'm incredibly lucky and I know that and I'm so grateful to be healthy and home with my husband and cat#But also I've had my license for 8 years and never had an accident. I've been through so much this year. This car is 1.5 months old#It just feels so unnecessary and evil for this to happen now and I feel so guilty that apparently I'm at fault#and caused this huge financial and energetic drain for my lil family when we've already dealt with fuckin everything else the past 6 months#The ''why me why today why when I'm a responsible driver'' is real and my whole shit is rocked. I'm still shaken up#I've had a few times recently where shit felt... unreal? Like I should be able to reload my save because that couldn't have just happened#And this was so vividly that way#I'm strong but like. The Cursedā„¢ļø vibe is very present#May have to do a curse break and many protection spells soon#cause this is getting ridiculous#personal
7 notes Ā· View notes
talkorsomething Ā· 5 months ago
Text
I have Got to get more transgender
#100% сŠµŠŗрŠµŃ‚Š½Ń‹Š¹ Š“Š½ŠµŠ²Š½ŠøŠŗ Š»ŠµŠ²Ń‹ ŠŠ• Š§Š˜Š¢ŠŠ™#transmasc#trans ftm#transgender#i like 2 say i'm very trans already but unforch i am Not Really. mostly boring ftm Guy Ever#so tempted to cut my hair again but my sense of what i look like is already so fuzzy i dont think it'd help..#want to dye my hair anyways. at this point i'd take whatever color i can get if not purple LOL#it's almost everything i could want and yet ... still me. still the same life. stuck.#soooo high functioning like you wouldnt believe EXCEPT istg i need an emotional support human who will guide me through tasks#such as 'pay with your Moneys Card at the Store'#or... idk that's it really. maybe go grocery shopping without feeling like i'm not meant to be there also#or like. exist in general maybe#reasons why not emotional support Animal: creature cannot understand capitalism. and also is not as necessary as a service dog specifically#idk! every time i come on here i fall apart (in text) and then pull myself back together for another day of ... this i guess.#i'm not even having like crying breakdowns or anything to go along with it i'm just held inside this shell of a body. typing away again#i'm soso tempted to make things worse. progress wouldn't matter anymore... at least maybe it would feel real that i'm like this#i wish my face fit on my body right. and also that i did not look quite so much like a vaguely gnc lesbian#like at LEAST let me look butch as hell but no. curse of sad hair & uncertainty#miss my little mullety thing from that brief period in october... miss my short hair from back in 2017 ...#just dont feel satisfied with what i am now. in general.#top surgery is literally Within my reach but i'm not sure about cost and i need to wait because of doing guard now......#my list of do i want t i kept for the past month turned out to be a bunch of maybes#partially cause i got sick. partially cause it stopped being shark week and i forgot about it#as always happens...#still unsure in my new(er) name. only heard it once#didn't feel the same way as with my old one? but idk. just don't know.#missing guard also but feeling conflicted about not having time for other hobbies...#since winter season is over i've had so much time to play guitar! that's insane! mostly cause i stopped playing for unrelated reasons...#just tired again. wonder if i need more sleep than what i always get. kind of restless.#there's nothing else to say i guess. just wish i could be a person the way everyone else seems to be.
8 notes Ā· View notes
theflyingfeeling Ā· 2 months ago
Text
youtube
the love of my entire life
#valtteri filppula#no one cares but i'm still gonna rant about this because you don't understanddddd#he's objectively one of the most succesful finnish hockey players. no not just in my biased opinion he really is!!#no other finn has won the triple gold (the stanley cup + olympic gold + world championships gold)#in the latter two he was also the captain of the team šŸ˜­#1000+ games played in the NHL#he's also won the swiss league and the CHL#he could have retired. moved to florida and bathe in his money#but what does he do? comes back to play in his home team 19 years after he left#(if we don't count the few games he played here in the NHL lock-out season 2012-13 before he got injured)#in his home team that currently does not even play in the top division??#as one of the owners of the team?? practically for FREE?!#because he wants to give back to his team and help them back to the top division šŸ˜­#i mean. what kinda person does that?? šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­#i'm bawling at how he walked in the locker room for the first time and introduced himself to everyone (with his nickname!!)#as if all them didn't know exactly who he was. come on he's a living legend??#he said he wants to be treated like everyone else in the team. they're just some boys#and he's won pretty much everything you can win in this sport#look how stark the locker room is in comparison to what he got used to in the fucking NHL and the swiss league šŸ˜­#at 40 years of age he's gonna be sitting in the same bus with these youngsters through the darkest of finland's winter#again i cannot emphasize enough that he could have retired to e.g. florida where he used to play for many years#(and where i think his wife is from? but i'm not sure so don't quote me on that)#he's so humble so smart so polite so friendly and on top of that he is handsome as fuck šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­šŸ˜­#i've never had the chance to meet him but this season i really hope i can. although i'll probably cry loads and make an idiot out of myself#i was bawling my eyes off just watching him skate on the ice in his first match this season. it all felt so surreal. he's home again šŸ˜­#i've loved him for a thousand years (or just 20. but it feels like thousand years)#i'll love him for a thousand more šŸ’™
4 notes Ā· View notes
burningcomputerpersona Ā· 14 days ago
Text
ahhhhhhhh guess who made the mistake of getting a haircut
#i was planning on growing it out for real i swear#but then the back of my hair got to that length (like it always does) where it starts touching the back of my neck wrong and i cant stand it#so i figured I'd juuuuuust get a trim maybe only the back so it wouldn't keep bugging me#and it started off pretty good too she was doing well with everything and i liked the way it looked#then she asked me a question with two options. and i answered the question. and she repeated my answer. good enough right?#well i think she maaaay have forgotten my answer in the span of like 2 seconds bc she started cutting SUPER short suddenly#and now my perm is completely gone lol#i think she's used to going a bit shorter so it looks good in like a week when it's grown out a bit#and you don't have to go back for a haircut every 2 weeks#but like. i would rather not hate my reflection (more than usual) for a week or two while it grows out yknow#eurghhhh it's not that bad tbh ive had haircuts where i wanted to kill myself and this is just 'hmm maybe i should wear a hat for a week'#but still. very annoying. and especially so bc i was actually feeling optimistic with where we were going at the start#anyway there's this weird phenomenon that keeps happening where I accidentally get my hair cut too short#then i decide this is going to be the time i finally grow my hair out for real#and after a while the back reaches that length where it starts bothering me again#and ill get a haircut juuust for a trim#then i somehow end up with a bowlcut#it's an emo bowlcut to be clear. so im not super hung up about it bc i still love that haircut for reasons i cannot comprehend#but everybody else seems to go 'ew a bowlcut why' except for the alt queers who go 'omg gender'#which i consider to be one of the biggest compliments i could ever get. and have gotten. seriously that moment will never leave my mind#like having someone that you consider Gender to look at you and say *you're* very gender? my crops have been watered my cattle have been fed#etc etc. anyway this currently has the shape of a bowl cut but it's too short esp on top#so im back in my 'okay im gonna grow it our FOR REAL this time' phase again. as it goes. like fucking sisyphus.#anyway. im gonna be tearing it up in the pit at origami angel tomorrow so if anybody's also going feel free to join me there#just gotta let off some steam. goddammit i knew i should have gone the queer route and just done it myself. in my defense i still had a perm#and i didn't trust myself to cut curly hair. turns out i shouldn't have trusted the barber either bc she just held it straight out#and chopped right across. and soon the curls were gone and everything was straight. ...that sounds like a metaphor for conversion therapy#'yeah just head into that place by the time you leave you'll be straight'#anyway. sorry for the waterfall of tags if ur still here kudos to you and may you have a wonderful day#mine
3 notes Ā· View notes
Text
hm
thinking of my blorbos but not in a "i love you you love me all is well" way but a "i love you hope you kill me" way lol
#cylas vents#negativity#negative#death wish#lmao#bitches be like '[potentially concerning thing]' and then add 'lol' as if it's funny or a joke lmao#like i mean technically it's not but then again it is bc it's me. like yeah don't worry don't take this seriously don't mind me ok#it doesn't really matter anyway kk. or maybe it's more like I'm the joke.#like idk the thought that like most of my f/os would probably kill me on sight should be less comforting than it is i guess#imagine casually making posts like this and still being like 'ok but maybe im not actually mentally ill maybe im faking maybe im lying to#myself maybe im making excuses maybe im imagining things maybe im just lazy' etc etc#none of the antidepressants since fluoxetine decided it's over have done shit and even my psychiatrist now is always like 'hm. so do you#want to keep trying other things' and like yeah what else can i do? therapy didnt do anything for this specific issue and the tagesklinik#lady didnt really seem to get my issue (well her suggestions for like therapy groups or whatever were more about socialising or whatever#like ??? girl that's really not the main problem here lmao but she also did have a point about how i would have to actually go there every#day etc but like#what else am i supposed to do#hi i am always tired and sometimes struggle to even get out of bed and thats why i worry about getting a job or something bc it could become#too much or whatever but like unfortunately thats kind of a requirement for everything lmao#when psychiatrist asks what i want/expect or whatever i am internally like 'a magic pill that just fixes everything and makes me a normal#functional human being' but like that's just not A Thing (tm)#so. like. what else am i supposed to do.#i don't want to be like this forever#idk how to tag lmai#using stuff like#tw suicidality#tw suicidal#tw suicidal ideation#just feels so over the top and like i dont have the right to use them lol
4 notes Ā· View notes
thelastspeecher Ā· 7 months ago
Text
apparently one of my cousins was just accepted into a master's writing program at an Ivy League school
and that's why I almost never go on Facebook šŸ™ƒ
6 notes Ā· View notes
lemonberry-soda Ā· 11 months ago
Text
me, looking at the cast of Hatchetfield characters: hmmm . . . what would make a good dead corpse for a Lord to possess . . . so many choices but no perfect fits . . .
10 notes Ā· View notes