#you caused the worst thing that ever happened to me
Text
sometimes i think about the people who traumatized me in 2020 and i almost start crying because i cannot comprehend how evil you have to be to be a whole adult and not apologize when a child says that you made them feel suicidal
#xenon screams#vent#for a while I couldn't look at long dark purple hair without remembering#i still kinda can't#you were like a mother to me#hold on i think my cat just bit my among us plush. stopped crying#ok turns out she was biting herself because she was itchy. back to crying#why would you do that to me#i was only 15#you made me try to kill myself#you were the only friends i had#never has my psychosis been worse than it was then#do you still regard me as the guy that wanted to kill you because you hate bi lesbians?#because i didn't.#and the only life that was at stake was my own#im honestly surprised there wasn't a split after all this#you caused the worst thing that ever happened to me#you were my family
0 notes
Text
i’ve never been as angry on behalf of a character as i am for sam winchester
#currently thinking about season four and five. absolutely fuckibg mental#the world literally reshapes itself around him to prove him wrong#its all framed as God. Sam was so stupid and selfish and reckless for drinking demon blood. He just liked the power of it and he chose a#DEMON over DEAN.#but. that’s not the story they tell in s4.#like even aside from every single other complexity. Sam is literally right. he has ZERO WAY of knowing that killing lilith is the final seal#AND DEAN DOESNT KNOW TJAT EITHER. like sam is literally right he can kill lilith and he does kill lilith. dean wants lilith dead just as#much. sam’s cardinal sin is disobeying dean and then the world flips around on him and plot twist sam and dean were both wrong all along and#killing lilith is what will bring back lucifer :)#but. it’s not framed like that either. it’s framed like SAM BROUGHT BACK LUCIFER BY KILLING LILITH WHILE HIGH ON DEMON BLOOD#dean you wanted to kill lilith too?????????#but. doesn’t matter dean despite being mostly motivated by jealous anger is retroactively proven to be Right#and sam is retroactively proven to be Wrong. he is bad#i just. jesus. sam’s not evil ever. he’s hardly even that fucking morally grey#and he still thinks there’s something wrong with him that he’s a freak that he’s inherently evil and needs to be purified#why?? cause of something fucked up that happened to him when he was a baby#and because he’s disobeyed his father and his brother and been angry at awful things that have happened to him#makes me feel fucking insane actually#no wonder narrative frames sam as evil no wonder he’s inherently marked as Bad by the forces in supernatural like even on a meta level#in supernatural gods just another shitty father. embodiment of the familial patriarch. and from sam’s very first moment on the show he’s in#opposition to that he’s ran away from john and he argues with dean. therefore he is evil#i don’t think my words r really making sense right now but. fucking hell#and sam is so swamped in guilt all of season five and he just fucking accepts that everything bad is his fault#and he gets tortured in the cage to save the fucking world and it’s STILL not enough. not to appease his own guilt and not to appease deans#anger at him. dean is still throwing his perceived violations back at him in like season nine!!#and whenever he tries to get out it’s treated as yet another Sin. narrative acts like sam thinking dean was dead and having a life outside#of hunting is The Worst Thing He Ever Did#worst sin sam ever commits in the eyes of the show is disobedience. Absolutely awful actually#spn#sam winchester
113 notes
·
View notes
Text
someone asked to see my collection so i took pics of each shelf and i was having the time of my life typing out a whole tour just now only to find out there's a 10 image limit
#this is so silly but i'm genuinely upset cause i love talking about figures so much and i wanted to talk about all my shelves so bad 😭😭😭#worst thing that ever happened to me......tumblr i hate you forever#me.txt#non figure
57 notes
·
View notes
Text
Should make a pain killer that actually kills (or even touches) pain
#not that I have access to ultra hardcore stuff#but even when I had... pretty sure it was vicodine for my wisdom teeth; it didn't do a thing for me#cbd based stuff seems like it maybe helps; certainly does more than nsaids which do nothing for pain (great for inflammation though)#but I just... I'd really like something that actually makes my muscles and joints feel like... good; unpain#I'm sure it would be classified as addictive whatever it was but like... fuck man... I just want to not hurt#I can't tell if I have chronic pain cause... I kinda forget to pay attention when I'm hurting a lot of the time#I'll just... kinda realize I've been hurting bad all day and just not really focusing on it#and I also don't know how often it happens; if it's once a day or once a month or what; not great at noting that stuff down#but man... I don't even like most meds; so many meds either do nothing for me or make me feel like shit#like... benedril? however you spell it; someone gave me some once said it would help me sleep... help me be awake feeling like ass more lik#but like... love to see if muscle relaxants actually like... relaxed my muscles; but you get it; you get why I'll never be able to try it#though honestly I think therapeutic massage might help me a lot#but my doc says that really only gets authorized by physical therapy and... well for me physical therapy is useless#cause I forget to do the exercise; like it's me failing a physical therapy; not a probably with physical therapy#if I ever think I can keep up with it I'd love to try physical therapy for my back again; but I don't want to waste all my chances at it#not when... I descriptively didn't do it when I was in it before; I'd never remember to do any of the exercises#anyway; bonus story from when I was in urgent care when the infection came back (that's still never been solved)#I tell the doc 'last time it tore open a drainage hole it was the worst pain I've ever felt'... cause it was#I said 'I'll need something a bit stronger than an nsaid cause the nsaid did nothing but cut inflammation last time'#she's like 'don't worry; I got you'... wanna guess what she gave me? a newer nsaid#it didn't do shit; I was just lucky and it wasn't as painful... maybe the old drainage hole tore open easier this time#but I didn't even take the nsaid she prescribed; so I'm gonna say it wasn't that med helping#like I get it; you don't want to give opioids... and would it shock you to know that wasn't what I was looking for either#there's gotta be something between nsaid and fentynol man#...well... maybe the cdb has almost got my muscles... hurting less at least; only taken all this time I've been writing#they still hurt for sure... I don't know... get tired; you know?#mm tag so i can find things later
6 notes
·
View notes
Note
would it be okay if u told me why u like aoki😭/gen😭😭😭😭BEEN TRYNA LIKE HIM FOR SO LONG I JUST CANTT but i love ur art so much so i still consume it otherwise lol
i liked tohru adachi in high school and tbh i think that alone is enough of an explanation for why i ended up liking aoki
#snap chats#haha see i told you last post's tags were relevant#anyway vLKVJEVLKAEJVLKJ IM CRYING ANON youre so funny. this is the funniest ask i coulda got thank you so much#i dont know why i like him either <- yes i do#fine lets get Real Talk about it#well first off all i thought he looked hot rolling out the elevator and i was playing the eng dub and i think his voice sounds hot there#and thats like. not athing that happens to me ever <- literally thought sawashiro was hot two frames into the game but anyway#i like politician characters. or characters that are in a position of power ESPECIALLY if they have to act like they dont suck balls#like i very much love the idea of the power of charisma and that type of thing not to mention the 'strategizing' as aoki puts it#that comes with politics. LIKE HE SUCKS DONT GET IT TWISTED HE SUCKS BUT //shrug emoji//#like its why i love the mine rggo stories i like seeing mine's thought process and how he uses his intelligence#smart's sexy to me idk what to tell you but moving on#its fun watching him lose his cool too ESP IN HIS FIGHT LMAO HE STOMPIN HIS FOOT LIKE A TODDLER SHUT UP#i also really love the arakawa family in general and thinking of aoki's relationship with each of them makes my brain explode#especially him and sawashiro that shit is painful to watch and i love it so much#i also thought him going from goth to republican was the funniest shit in the world like i howled at that AND i was distraught#aokis so interesting to me from the notion that he IS loved by his family but he has so much hatred for himself it eats him up#and as a result he cant be happy no matter what he does- how hes constantly seeking validation even if it's nothing meaningful#his lil. Dog-Eat-Dog world world belief to ichi also appealed to my edgy depressed high schooler brain. sorry.#his speech at the lockers also got to me. unfortunately. sorry everyone i empathized too hard it got too real it wasnt funny anymore#like as much as i complain bout the very end the ending is what solidified me liking aoki if not also cause of ichi's impact in those scene#plus... analyzing him and the environment around him is so much fun too....#idk reasons for why i like aoki also boil down to personal reasons. he still sucks tho so i cant be upset when people hate him LOL#i probably have more reasons or could elaborate more i love rambling but i mean. who really wants to read all that 💀💀#maybe for a character that WASNT the worst but. aoki is so LMAO#thank you for loving my art regardless :) im sorry i have to be attached to the worst guys ever
8 notes
·
View notes
Text
{ OOC / HC } Since it's spooky season, here's a rather spooky headcanon for you. As someone who's a programmer, that can also hack his way into various things. Rick has also taken it upon himself to hack into private files concerning the government.
It doesn't matter which government, Earthen or galactic, he's hacked into their systems and have obtained secrets that no one else (other than the officials) should know about. Which means, he knows a lot about top secret files, whether or not some conspiracy theories are true, about things these governments don't want their citizens to know about.
His favorite governments to hack, though, are the Galactic Federation and the U.S. Mostly due to familiarity and the fun of it.
He doesn't do anything with this information though. It's just something he does to satiate his own curiosity. As if he were diving into a rabbit hole for the fun of it. Plus, on the off chance that he's seen in the area, he can easily manipulate his way through given the secrets that he's become aware of.
The only government entity that he can't hack into is the Citadel. Not because he can't but because he has an unspoken truce with them. Given that it's a Rick and Morty operation and he already knows all there is to know about that. So it'd be useless information.
#{ you're a sky full of stars. ooc posts }#{ headcanon ; 🛸 }#{ think of the worst conspiracy theories that COULD ever happen Earthen or galactic }#{ and he knows it all. he knows the truth! but he'll never tell you a thing xD }#{ why ? 'cause he doesn't care to share that information xD }#{ also this gives me a chance to slide him into Inside Job territory >:D if i have mutuals with muses from that fandom ! }
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#welcome to another installment of: angel spits out all his thoughts about autism cause if he keeps them inside his head will explode#in today's episode: is it possible that my ''panic attacks'' have been autistic meltdowns all this time?#then answer is maybe!#ok so i was watching this youtube video from channel I'm autisticn now what? (check it out it's great!)#and meg was talking about the different types of autistic meltdowns and how they might manifest#and then in the comments people were discussing autistic meltdowns vs panic attacks and how cofused they used to be about them#and that got me thinking... there's a big thing that needs to happen during a panic attack for it to be a panic attack#and that is anxious thoughts... many people talk about fear of death during panic attacks#and that was never my experience. I don't feel like I'm going to die when I have these ''attacks''#they feel painful and like i'm completely out of control but my head is quite clear in that regard#i always thought it was because i don't think dying is like The Worst thing that could happen to me so maybe that was why#and it never ocurred to me that it could be an autistic meltdown because i always saw those as ''little boy hits his head against the wall'#(horrible i know) but it's more than that! (plus i sadly started self harming when the ''attack'' is too bad so not i fit that idea lol)#it's the uncontrollable crying. the throwing anything you have at hand across the room. the not being able to utter words#(other than ''no'' in my case) it's the complete lack of control#and that fits so much more to what i experience! i even related to meg's personal anecdote about a meltdown she had as a child#being separated from my mom made me go into full panic modes as a kid and that was seen as a tantrum but it was more than that to me!#and as an added bonus the only therapist i've ever seen in my life used to call my panic attacks ''pseudo-panic attacks''#because even she felt it didn't quite fit in the description (not that she was a good therapist so i can't put her as an example lol)#but anyways... yeah every day that goes by i'm more and more convinced I am autistic and it scares me to fucking death#because of the way my mom reacted when i first raised the question. so yeah this is for nothing lol nothing will change in my life#¯\_(ツ)_/¯#angel talks#personal
5 notes
·
View notes
Text
my autistic ass going into the same three stores to buy the same things I always buy no hesitation all confidence you've never seen anyone more good at shopping the exact same things so fucking quickly
#Autism shopping tm#I like to call it autism tunnel vision but thats usually me at the grocery store cause then I have to maneuver around everyone#This is a good time tho there was No people in the mall at all it was So nice#And yes before you ask the worst thing to ever happen to me is a store remodeling where they keep shit
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
some Roman rambles from school :3
#wips#have I ever posted my writing stuff on here? idk#sorry its not great it wasn't really made for consumption#woug consumption. communicable diseases core#anyways#doodle#my art#<- ig?#do you guys think he has catholic guilt? is Logan a religious man?#cause I'm not great at writing catholic stuff#he's so raised in the charismatic church core#also no spoilers pls :3 I'm on 2×04 atm and I'm watching slowly cause I'm watching it with my dad#WORST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME. MUM SAYS CONNOR IS LIKE ME 😔😔😔#in relation to the family therapy ep where he was like 'well we need to hear everyone's side' or whatever#mikey was interested in politics from a very young age ig#don't personally relate to him tho. I'm a roman/kendall man#but thats just cause I got hit as a kid lmao#roman roy#succession#the funny thing is. I am very spoiled already cause of the fanfics I've been reading#but I didn't even need that to know roman had been hit as a kid. it eminates from him tbh#<- but thats probably just cause i. well. just like me fr fr#what doesn't kill you makes you seek out pain#traditional art#is there a tag for this kinda thing?#rambles#roman related rambles
4 notes
·
View notes
Note
Would love to know a bit about your favourite dolls if you'd like to share!
I have a few of them actually but the 1st most favourite will have to be this girly
She's a Barbie fashionista #85 Glam Boho, with a made to move body that I painted extra freckles on. Named her Onyx, yes that's her name at the top of my blog 😌 she used to be named Faline but that name never stuck as nicely.... It always felt like it was missing something....
She's been sitting in my desk/window sill for over 4 years all throughout my many moves. Her birthday is 19th of June. I made her glasses and a lil phone and tons of clothes, she's my most spoiled doll 😋
This sweetheart is an Ever After High Madeleine Hatter, named Sue Ellen. I have most of versions of this doll that came out before Mattel decided they didn't like this line anymore and started lowering the quality🙄🙄🙄 basically I have around 8 of them I need to count them actually. But out of all of them she is my first and my favourite 😍 she's so cute with the chubby cheeks and the neutral expression and all the lil hats she has 🎩
I have most of my dolls stored away for space reasons but this one lady and a couple more have been on my desk for a while to peer pressure me into finishing a project for them I started more than a year ago😅 it's not really working very fast but it is working a little....
I also have the whole collection of these lil dolls called Creatable World that are canonically gender neutral but I couldn't find any pictures and they're stored right now. I need to take them out and let them see some sunlight
They all (most of them) have their lil lives and personalities and stories that I'm slowly writing down so I don't forget. They're my lil babies and I love them so much 🥰
#doll collector#barbie#curvy barbie#ever after high#about me#i had many more pictures of all my dolls before#but my previous phone stopped working one day out of the blue and i lost all of the cute pics I'd taken#this made realise 2 things#1 is i need more pictures of my collection#and 2 is that i need to back up this phone cause i dont want that to happen again xD#onyx is very special to me and not just cause she's pretty#i got her when i was going through the worst my mental health has ever been#and going back home and seeing her chilling on the window with a half made outfit looking so silly cheered me up just enough to not give up#thank you so much for asking!! i love my dolls and it makes me excited when someone wants to know about them#ask tha brain
3 notes
·
View notes
Text
.
#tw ed#saw a picture of myself from when i was *checks notes* at my fucking worst with my ED but that meant i was also Thinner.#i really should Go Back huh. maybe if i did i wouldnt feel. Like This.#it'd prolly mean id start losing my hair again which. not a big fan. BUT.#if i was really dedicated i could also lose my period which. huge fan. that was one of the best things that ever happened to me tbh#i could have it all back. maybe i could even get farther than the last time. all it would take is uhh feeling utterly fucking miserable#having no energy for the most basic stuff let alone singing and thinking about nothing and i mean NOTHING but calories 24/7.#but hey. maybe i could like. lose 5 kg for my troubles and then gain back twice as much when i decide again that i just Cant Live Like This#totally worth it huh#anyway. i miss hating my body A Little Less and people being Nicer to me and everyone telling me how good of a job im doing#and encouraging me to keep going. and i miss the sense of Accomplishment and the Pride and the Not Feeling Disgusting#or at least Making Up For It by just. not eating lol#cause like its not like im actually much better mentally am i lmao clearly im not. only now im both miserable AND fat.#obviously ill never be s/kinny let alone as s/kinny as my friends. ill still look like a glitch in the system and a mistake next to them.#but if i have to be miserable anyway i could at least be. less f/at about it right. maybe then ill be worth something <3#...and other delusions you keep cultivating because there's something deeply and inherently wrong with you#my new bestseller coming soon to your nearest bookshop dont miss it its only $free.99!
4 notes
·
View notes
Text
Work has ruined me i literally cannot enjoy playing yakuza because of my stomachache like fuck you ....
#Yakuza liveplay#real sorry sbout venting about my poor tortured belly but it hurts so bad#‘whats this have to do with work’ it doesnt i just hate work#i want a ps4 controller or im going to start shaking and sobbing and hugging myself#i hate this xbox controller its the worst thing that has ever happened to me#what do you mean hitting ^ will cause me to hit > and < as well cant i just hit one button at a time#stop inputing random things i hate you you little freak#spits on my controller#and on top of that the ones i planned on biying sold like hotcakes and i will never get to lay my hands on a ps4 controller ever again#actually im not mad anymore#im going to play yk2 karaoke#im going to plqy pride from despair one hundred times because i like it so muchchhh#gonna play heartbreak mermaid as well it is one of my favourite songs ...#yk2 karaoke is so fun ... maybe ill play yk1 too ... fuck maybe ill download ps2 yakuza#oh my god yeah then i can finally see the kiryu lying on haruka scene. sleeping on his little baby#that is such a good idea im so happy ..... baby pillow ... sleeping on baby .... kiss her forehead#i hope to get the dub so i can listen to yuya#GOD I SHOULD GET THE DUB IM SO SMARRTTTTTT ILL GET RIGHT ON THAT
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
happy new years guys!! i hope you're all having a wonderful day/night so far <3
i'm not sure about everyone else, but it really doesn't feel like a typical new year! i think with the heaviness of the mars & mercury rx (especially considering the signs are inconjunct, which makes things extra tough), it kind of just feels like another day!! if you have a day chart, you might feel extra impacted by the mars retrograde as compared to night chart babies. definitely take it easy if you're feeling off/stressed/etc, and perhaps use january as a time of reflection, and focus more on putting plans into action in march! (or, in january - if it feels right for you!! but if you feel overwhelmed or lack motivation for any sort of resolutions or planning, just know you aren't alone, the sky right now is a bit "heavy")
personally i tend to celebrate the new year as per the astrological new year (aka first day of aries szn as the new year) which feels extra right because that'll be around the time mars is no longer rx nor in the shadow period!!!
anyway!! how are you all feeling?! any thoughts about 2022/2023, plans/etc?! personally the only thing on my mind rn is genshin impact girl groups, and relaxing as much as possible in january until mars and mercury chill out!!! 2022 was rough!!
#luna.txt#would luv to hear how u guys are feeling!!!#esp how ur feeling + ur rising/dominants?!#if u have any q's about astrology or current transits or just anything im here!!!#im working on some posts finally!! and i decided im gonna offer readings in january!!!#ive spent the last month reading even more astro books#ive studied astrology for so many years but this month i somehow feel like#ive learnt more in a month than i have in 8+ years studying omg#not really but you know what i mean fdjlkfjdf#i might make a post asking y'all preferences re: readings?! or maybe ill just go for it idk#idk about u guys but 2022 was one of the hardest years ever for me??#and it was mainly bc internal? like not that many external things happened idk??#it was a 12h solar return sun year for me.. hated that!#worst sr sun ever for me#my panic disorder relapsed right when mars rx entered it's shadow omg its been so rough#but starting to feel better slowly!! but still hard to learn how to live w/ panic again!!!#part of why ive been so ghost from this blog :((#BUT I MISS IT<3#i also considered making a girl group and maybe genshin tumblr too!!#cause i have like 1.2 friends who like that stuff and i need to yell abt it anyway#ANYWAY HI if anyone feels like talking in my ask.. come rant abt ur year or astro or anything ily
12 notes
·
View notes
Text
today was one embarrassment after another
#first i answered something and the course director looked at me like i was stupid and said the worst thing ever#secondly my water bottle feel while my camera was on for this workshop and it captured that weird face i make when something stupid happens#three my electricity went and i had to scour through our group chat and text message someone to tell the course director that it got cut#thankfully she was really nice#then i got a phone card so i can get data to try and log back into the class#but fourthly when i logged into the class the electricity still wasn’t back so i was literally sweating cause its so hot here#and i had to keep ducking and patting my face every few seconds cause it was so hot#so that was my day#mind you all this happened in the span of like an hour so#j.txt
2 notes
·
View notes
Text
lit cannot stress how much fuckability masato lost after becoming aoki like emo death is real and its so so tragic
#snap chats#sorry but this has been my truth for months its time i speak on it#its true tho i dont think this is a shocking revelation to anyone#s'just like saying grass grows and birds fly#i will not support his prep phase its not happening hes such a dweeb now#rgg knew this fact with him showing off his tit despite that being like. The Worst Place Ever to inject yourself#we already discussed how he wasnt physically able to fuck and that was a nerf it was to humble him and keep him controlled and thats awful#frame one got me lookin at the screen like 👁👁 and then he open his mouth and my eyes get bigger and i sit in dead silence#was crackin jokes and chattin with myself every other second and then 🧍♂️ Go On Beautiful Keep Talking Idc What You Sayin#im a man until he starts talking about 'his girl' and then suddenly im feeling some kinda way#tho that might just be cringe cause why does bro talk like how i used to in high school 😭😭😭😭#thats the funniest part about masato/aoki to me like. there's so much bullshit bout them that reminds me of high school#but thats the thing that was High School like im grown an shit this bro never grew up apparently AND HE STARTS THE GAME AT 23#wait back to the subject line of this post i be acting like aoki dont got me unwise a total of like. four time either#sorry everyone there was something in the water today and now im ill#its cause i cant draw this weekend so i have to be disgusting some other way#gonna make it everyone else's problem but worse#anyway i have to end this post because the more i t hink about the high school comparison the more i start to cringe
24 notes
·
View notes
Note
Iirc Griffin did something similar in Amnesty, when Aubrey succeeded on a roll that should've saved another character's life, but it didn't work and I don't think they ever explained why
Yeah!! And in Amnesty, Ned used a point of LUCK. To get a 12. That in MOTW is a guaranteed success. You do not take harm in Protect Someone if you use luck. Also, a fucking shotgun does not DO 7 points of harm anyway. It’s 3. And he fucking KILLED him. Never forgiving Griffin for that one >.>
#that’s not just cheap it’s /explicitly/ against the rules#I don’t ever like if a DM is giving ‘me vs you’ vibes to the players in any form but cheating and lying is the worst#ask#anonymous#like dgmw I love Griffin and most of the time quite enjoy his DMing but several times he has now made me /boiling/ mad#not super happy about the way he has handled Devo’s religious trauma either. like Travis is great#incredible character. he’s got some huge flaws but you also get why Devo is how he is and sometimes he’s super right. but Griffin has too#much been like ‘what if the church wasn’t so bad : )’ like Travis had to /push/ for the flashback trauma scene w Guidance to be something#upsetting and abusive. like let him have a history#taz amnesty spoilers#also not a fan of his new ‘no backstories’ thing#like yeah it can get too much or awkward but they can also be great??? you don’t want to live in them but you want them to give you a rich#basis for where the charcater in-story starts. ??? it causes no issues if you do that?#and it’s fun to occasionally have them be relevant even just for a goofy one off. I had a player be a changeling who had helped a coup in#another country and her co-revolutionary she was with and close to turned on her for racial reasons bc she was a changeling when he found ou#out and tried to kill her and they have a mutual ‘if I ever see you again’ and the experience dramatically influenced how she interacted w#other characters in the campaign bc baggage. but she never even /brought it up/ to a Pc or npc. it’s just rich character to work with#you gotta trust players and yourself a little not let having details overwhelm a story it’s not hard#and if it starts to happen it ain’t hard to correct
5 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
sexy1iammery
Goddess Lexi
gemivepupigo
Untitled
stray-keeper
I'm Yours
huvitutus
hassunhauskaa
meinchinaimport
Untitled