#you cant ignore someone for 6 months

[livsspecialinterests]

having been in therapy for over a year, been through an entire autism and ADHD diagnosis, i've somehow managed to renegotiate a lot of the relationships in my life around the boundaries that i've only recently realised I am allowed to have. i've managed to do this without cutting anyone off but i've had to lay down a pretty significant boundary with a friend today and im terrified that it'll be the end of our friendship.

ive been putting up with being ignored and having to chase her up constantly cause she's having a difficult time at the moment, have been much more patient than a lot of people would be, have been making excuses for this friend to my fiancé and parents because i wanted to avoid upsetting her and wanted to be kind and empathetic because i'm a people pleaser and it's something im having to force my way out of

it's the first time ive had to say something to someone that could end up ending a relationship/friendship and even though i know it's the right thing to do in the long run (i've cried, ive had meltdowns, ive had migraines while trying my best to not upset this person and be there for her with no reciprocation for 6 months) i'm just so scared.

anyway, all that to say that ive booked a therapy session (my therapist literally messages when i go too long without booking a session to be like... Liv... we both know what happens when you don't speak to me) and have booked tickets to go see the Heathers UK tour to help make me feel better!

(the matinee, directly before a night shift but boo that's for future Liv to worry about)

[lubrumalis]

ghost headcanons! (realistic)

tw: nsfw, spoilers, dead dove do not eat

a lot of these are based off of my personal understanding of him

part 2 —> character analysis of ghost

general:

didn’t go back to manchester after his family died, too many foul memories—a lot of friends will probably know him as a murderer (comic reference, ghost was accused of killing his family in the newspaper)

has a fit body. a lot of people like to hc him as big and bulky, i think otherwise! its actually a huge disadvantage to be bulky in size as a soldier (logistics while fighting yk). most SAS soldiers are trained for endurance and fitness, i think he has a moreso lean body

hes not cold and ruthless, wouldn’t say hes a big softie either.

VERYYYY punctual. always on time

will not abuse or rape anyone. this guys been through atrocities, he would never do it to someone else

won’t hire a prostitute, ever.

honestly, hes just another dude in the military. he loves dad jokes and bourbon😭

ghost doesn’t think hes mean or tries to be, he simply is intimidating because of his size and way of talking

he likes watching soccer in his free time

gets internally offended if someone thinks hes from london (anywhere but Manchester)

very dark humoured. tell him any dark joke and he wouldn’t care

loves tea

listens to older british bands, like the smiths

cannot understand modern slang at all. what does ‘iykyk’ and ‘rizzler’ mean???

texts like a typical millennial. uses ‘😂’ and ‘😜’ unironically. types with proper grammar and spelling with punctuation too, maybe an occasional LOL

also unironically likes posts about trust issues and being a sigma male. he doesn’t actually think hes one, he just relates to those quotes that are like: “being alone is better than with fakes” 😭😭😭😭

ghost probably hates other men more than misandrists 😕 i think its bc hes always fighting other men and dealing with the cruel things theyve done, so ghost subconsciously feels more on guard with men he doesnt know

has insomnia

doesn’t cry. ghost doesn’t remember the last time he cried.

isn’t rich rich, but has a ton of savings. he doesn’t have a family or spend a lot. so the money piles up.

relationship hcs:

first off, i dont think he’d realistically get into one anyway LMAO

s/o would have to the chasing, i dont think ghost is the kind to actively pursue someone

he has charisma, doesn’t feel like using it

hes very against the idea at first—his family got murdered because he was in the military, you think hes gonna let it happen again?

probably will not like someone working with him as a soldier

i think itd go two ways: a) you are a civilian who aggressively pursues the poor guy and he gives in, b) you work as a military nurse and gradually get to know him, c) you are a longtime close friend of his before he was in the military

i cant see him being fwb with anyone, only one night stands

hes not a toxic partner or super lovey dovey

ghost doesn’t entertain multiple women at once

itd most likely end up in a breakup where he fears for your safety:(((

BUT lets ignore that

tbh, i think he would probably be with someone very empathetic and kind to others. he doesn’t like people overly energetic, too soft, or someone that annoys him

persons gotta be independent and good with long distance

simon doesn’t care about age gaps, but probably wants someone at least in their late twenties

had a hard time opening up, eventually told you everything once he trusts you

another reason why i think he wants someone empathetic is because he has severe trust issues😃😃

last thing he’d care about is looks for long term relationships

the type of guy to disappear for 6 months and reappear to be like “remember im your husband???”🫡

doesn’t let you tell your friends about him—No hes not being uncommitted or toxic, but hes simply being cautious after what happened to his family

you can’t show anyone photos of him, his name, his occupation, NOTHHINGGG

so you fake a name for your bf who your friends think you’re lying about

definitely does not let you post on social media about him either.

installs security in your home, teaches you self defense, and gives you weapons. this guy can be paranoid

will never hit you or lay a hand on you

ghost genuinely thinks you saved him—his life was bleak and empty before you came in. subconsciously thinks of you as a savior

he buys you gifts, does chores for you, he really likes you :(

ghost actively tries to make his voice sound softer and friendlier when hes talking to you

doesnt understand playing mind games, things like the silent treatment or “im ok” when ur not ok thing. just tell him how you feel

doesn’t tell his team about your existence. you and his job are always going to be separate.

avoids talking about what he does in the military. ghost has killed and injured many and he doesn’t want you to see that side of him.

scary dog privileges for SURE

[bluesworldd]

PT1. Infunami !

↳ pairings: miles 42 x reader

↳ cw/tw: cursing, like 70% proofread, miles going through it, pet names: my love.

↳ genre: angst.

↳ synopsis: miles missed one too many dates and the truth comes out. poor miles

↳ blue says: lets just act like i didn’t disappear for a few months, thanks! enjoy

spoilers ahead !

┄┄ ︰ ┄୨୧┄ ︰ ┄┄

fuck

…fuckkkkk

10 missed calls…

miles rushed to get his suit off. fuck how many times has this been? he couldn’t help but think. five..? no five was to little… maybe 10? quickly he called the familiar number.

…ring

…ring

��please leave a-”

fuck. miles had no clue on how he was going to comeback from this one.. its been six months since the two of you started dating and within those six months miles had only took you on about twenty-five dates (yes he counted). now hear him out, 1. the two of you are teenagers and its not much two teenagers can do. 2. it would be way more if you considered cuddling together in your room as a “date”. look miles wasn’t proud of it ok? he s been busy with school and the prowler stuff so hes had a lot on his plate and trust, he does love you, more than you think, but its been a rough couple of months and he cant even remember the last time hes had over six hours of sleep. But fuck it, that was besides the point, now he had to focus on trying to not lose the person he loves….again

quickly he sent a text.

hey..im so sorry about tonight.

he checked the time…only 10:25, you should still be awake. miles knows that because your a bit of a night howl and just like him its hard for you to get sleep most nights…but for different reasons.

anyways.

idk if your still up but if you are just know im coming over.

fuck..im sorry seriously

just please text me back…

after a minute of nothing, in more suitable clothes, miles quickly ran out of his window and straight to you place. ok morales think… maybe a gift? no. miles knows you better, he tried to do that last time and he quickly realized he couldn’t buy your affection back. man that was a shitty three weeks, you had ignored him for a long time before he was at your door for hours begging to talk with him.

miles waited on the sidewalk before a cab stopped near him. getting in he was consumed by his thoughts. so what then? will they even buy the being at work bullshit again?

“kid where to!?” quickly snapping out of his thoughts miles told the cab drive your street address. only 10:33…fuck where did the time go? recently time for miles seemed to be slipping away and fast. never a slow moment to catch his breath or sit down and focus. that seemed to always be the case, especially after…anyways. maybe he could just tell the truth? he chuckled silently to himself. yeah..like thats a fucking option.

“where here” “oh yeah thanks” pulling his wallet out he handed the driver a twenty and a five. “just keep the change” exiting the car miles immediately headed for the back of your apartment where your fire escape was. he couldn’t bother going to your front door, after 6 p.m, no visitors, or rather no boyfriends were allowed in, specifically your mothers orders.

ok morales, just pray you don’t lose your relationships tonight, worry about the rest later. after climbing to the fourth floor he was meet with your window. please be open, please be open, please be- he lifted up the window.

thank god. miles made sure you weren’t in your room before climbing in. ok…now or never. going over towards your door miles knew this was risky. on the off-chance that you mother was up he would be really fucked. before he could open the door someone opened it first.

…miles let out a sigh of relief as he saw your face.

“what the-?!”

he quickly grabbed your wrist and pulled you into the room, shutting the door behind him. “….fuck?” you let out a disappointed sigh. “miles..what are you doing here?” a trick question he knew that you knew he was here to apologize but he didn’t say that part out loud, being a smartass would get him nowhere. “look i am beyond sorry-” “yeah i know miles” damn he could hear the hurt in you voice. you had your back turned to him now, focusing on getting you vanity in order. “…if you allow me, i can make it up to you this weekend” “yeah, i know miles…” is that a yes or…? “so…what day do you want to-” “i can always trust that you’ll make it up to me miles but what after?” ok..what? “what do you mean my love?” sighing you turned around to face him again. you couldn’t help but to roll your eyes, quickly mumbling “why do i even bother”

“ok look miles ill um talk to you later ight? it’s getting late anyways” you made your was towards him trying to get to you door. miles stopped you. “fuck, look i know i fucked up but please dont shut me out” he went to grab your hand but you stepped back. yeah, im fucked. “just please hear me out…” “you’ve released ive been hearing you out four times this month right?!” you said, your tone slightly rising. “and im beyond grateful my love, seriously i am, but if you can just hear me out one more time i can explain” turning back around you went to sit down. “well the floors all yours morales” usually, in any other instance, petty comments like that would have pissed him off but he had no right to be upset as of this moment.

“right…ok, i was called in late today. my manager said it was important and i couldn’t just bail on him you know..?” you slightly chuckled. “even you don’t believe that miles” ok yeah thats fair. “just please let me make it up to you my love.” he took a small step towards you “i already said i know that you will” now he was just confused “yeah so what does that mean? you’re saying nothing and everything at the same time” “it means i know that you will make it up to me miles, you always do, but what about after?” “will anything change…?” you voice grew smaller. miles wanted to respond but practically couldn’t. the room was left silent before you spoke up again “right, if thats your final answer than i think you should just-” “no, no, no. i promise i can change, you just have to be…” you glared at him “right…look i couldn’t be more grateful to have you as mine and i seriously dont want to lose you, just please..”

…a silent pause filled the room.

“than tell me the truth” you replied quietly. another silent pause followed. miles couldn’t do that, or else he would definitely lose you. “i..i cant do that.” your face contorted in confusion with a bit of anger. “and why exactly cant you?” you two stared at each before you made up your own conclusions “i see, maybe your too busy entertaining someone else ?” you huffed out. bow it was time for miles to be confused. “what?? why would i-?” miles sighed “no of course not i would never and you know that!” “so than whats the problem miles?! why exactly can’t you tell me the truth?” your voice gradually got louder, your patience clearer at its end. “if i do than you’ll be upset with me, so upset that you’ll most definitely break up with me” miles said quietly, a slight wobble in his voice although it was still prominent enough for you to hear. now you couldn’t help but be concerned. miles rarely got emotional during intense fights between the two of you, thats not to say miles is emotionally unavailable, just that he always stayed cool under pressure and fights.

“miles i cant be more upset with you than i already am, plus im the one asking for the truth so i can’t be mad at you, no matter what it is” you were slowly walking up to him now. hoping to reinsure him. “ok…listen, i cant tell you the full truth but please know im being completely honest when i say that: most times when i cant make it to our dates its because of my work..” you two stared at each other, miles was unable to read your face, although if you asked him, you looked pretty conflicted. as if you were deciding if he was telling the truth or not. after a small pause you came to your conclusion. “you know what miles? if its so hard to just-“

“fuck, ok im the prowler does that help?!”

the room grew silent as before, neither of you uttering a single word.

┄┄ ︰ ┄୨୧┄ ︰ ┄┄

©️bluesworldd 2023 || All rights reserved. Do not repost, reupload, translate, modify, copy, or claim my work as your own.

[therapycat21]

All Right Now Part 6

Travis Kelce x Famous!Reader Description: The reader catches the eye of famous footballer Travis.

Warnings: None

Social Media AU

“What do you mean it’s not a big deal!? it's a huge deal” Travis says with wide exaggerated eyes I sigh rubbing my forehead “Baby It’s really not” I reply to him he gives a dramatic and loud sigh making a smile break out on my face “You having your own documentary isn’t a big deal?” he questions. I shake my head “I don’t know, that means they’re in my home they’ll try to video everyone even your family. I don’t know if I want that.” I tell him my fear, He sighs rubbing his forehead “How about this, I’ll ask them how they feel about it okay?” he suggests.

It makes me feel a little better with Travis checking if they are okay with it, I don’t want them to feel like I’m invading their privacy especially because I’ve been in with their family for a few months now. I nod from where I lay on his chest. “Okay, thank you” I whisper before we both fall into a nap.

A few hours later 

Me and Travis are both sitting at the kitchen counter after our Facetime call with the producers from Apple TV telling them our decision.

 “I’m proud of you, you know that right?” Trav says breaking the silence, I look up from where my head is resting on my hands and give him a small smile as a response “Thank you, I really am excited, just super nervous ” I move from the counter towards him, settling into his warmth “I know, but you’re gonna kill it, I know you are” he says. We talk a bit more before deciding to get ready to head out for dinner. 

We’ve been at dinner now for about thirty minutes before Travis slightly nudges to get my attention “paps on your left outside” he tells me, I look over seeing them, instead of trying to ignore them, I decided to give them a small wave and smile in acknowledgement. I turn back my attention to Trav to see him hiding a grin “what?” I question he shakes his head sporting a slightly larger smile “nothing It’s just I love that instead of ignoring them and being rude you push that aside to be nice to them when they’re the ones invading the privacy” he responds.

“It’s easier to be nice and kind to someone then going through the trouble to be rude to them, its their jobs and I cant be ignorant to the fact people have their own issues and don’t have the same lifestyle as us.” I slightly ramble. I’ve seen my parents go through the struggle of living paycheck to paycheck (barely) so after I got big in this world, it has been my mission to make sure it doesnt happen to them again. I look up after remaining silent for a few seconds. I see a look on his face I’ve never seen before I tilt my head in question “Travis? Are you okay?” he remains staring at me before nodding his head slowly. He takes a deep tense breath rubbing his chin.

“I’m in love with you” is all he says staring at me. All I know is my eyes are humongous and my breath falters from his confession. In all my life and the boyfriends I’ve had sometimes you hear an “I love you” but not ever do you really hear “I’m In love with you”.

After the shock I realize I’ve been silent for about a minute a now and can see the tense silence has affected his confession “I’m sorry, you don’t have to say anything yet, I’ll wait until your ready and we can act like I didn’t say it yet an–” I sigh hearing his doubts “I’m in love with you too” my mouth rushes out the confession stopping him in the middle of his response. I see the shock on his face before a giant smile is replacing it. 

He bends to reach over the table cupping my face in his hands pulling my face in crashing his lips onto mine. He let’s go after a few seconds putting himself back into his chair, he wipes his mouth with the napkin and reaches into his wallet and putting money in the middle of the table before reaching for my hand pulling me up and out the restaurant “where are we going?” I ask dumbfounded. I couldnt finish my mac n cheese. He doesn't respond, instead, he shuts the door for me after I settle in the car.

He still hasn't responded after we got home, I tried one more time but he continues to walk into the house. 

He guides us both to the bedroom before reaching into his drawer that I told him to use since he has been staying here for a few weeks on end. He turns around with a light blue box and extends his hand with the box in it towards me, I eye the box sceptically before reaching to open and see the contents. 

In the box lays a dainty silver chained necklace with the letter T on it. I grab the chain, pulling it out of the box before Travis takes it gesturing me to turn around. I turn and pull my hair off of my neck as he clasps the necklace on, I can see it in the mirror from where we stand. “It’s beautiful, thank you really” I turn back around embracing him and giving him a chaste kiss. He keeps me tight against his solid frame before toying with the back of my outfit trying to untie it. I smirk before pulling away and pulling his hand guiding us both to the bed.

The Next Day

Getting ready for the day, Travis heads over to practice while I’m having my morning iced coffee waiting for the documentary production crew to come over and set up their equipment for us to start filming soon. 

As the crew comes In I greet all of them and gesturing to the kitchen counter where drinks and snacks lay for them to take “hello! Help yourselves to something to eat and drink, and I want to thank you guys for coming and doing all of this.” I talk to them for a but longer before the producer and director walk over “y/n hey we just wanted to see which room you would feel comfortable having the private interviews in?” after showing them the room all of the crew leave for the day to get rest for filming tomorrow.

Travis comes back around six and decide to cook dinner together I decided to go live while also trying to teach him how to make tamales. “Okay, Travis here is making a giant mess, but that’s okay, he’s learning” I joke to audience getting a mock shocked look from him “Hey! For someone who has never even had a tamale nor ever make one, I’m doing amazing!” he jokes at me, I give him a laugh before leaning forward to read some comments.

 “Chiefsqueen21 asks when will I perform live next? I will be performing soon in the next week, but I cannot tell you where at or what I will be performing but It will be out this week I promise” I cross my fingers to them “Okay, y/n’sleftsock, I love that username!” I belly laugh “They ask, will y/n ever been on an episode of new heights? I personally do not know I’d be a little nervous too because I’ve seen Jason does not hold back”  I laugh, turning to Travis who is off camera now “would I ever be a guest?” I question him smirking.

 He laughs before walking back into frame smirking “yall would have to see soon, but Jason would definitely not hold back the invasive questions” he says. I huff a laugh before we continue to read out fan questions.

We finish eating dinner before I remember “hey come on I wanna do something real quick” I tell him pulling his hand to the bedroom where the mirror is, I take out my phone and open Instagram and open the camera, I gesture for him to come closer. 

He has a look of confusion before it sets in on what I’m silently asking him. He pulls me to him in a hug, I snap the picture we don’t let go yet. 

He’s the first to let go but his hands still resting on my hip “what’s that for?” he questions I push my hair behind my ear “I realized that you made it official but now its my turn to show you off to the world” he smiles, pulling my back into an embrace, kissing me softly.

Like my writing? buy me a coffee! I would be so grateful!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ───

Taglist:

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@kkrenae

@the-untamed-soul

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[ceriisetheflower]

Self Care (M)

omega!renjun

wc: 4.8k

synopsis: renjun decides to take on his first heat the best way he knows how, as luxuriously as possible.

cw: smut...a lot of it. in immense detail. sex toys, pornography, multiple orgasms, unrealistic amounts of cum, stomach bulge, male squirting/watersports (depending on what you consider squirt to be lmao), overstimulation, cum eating, dildo sucking, mentions of fictional heat related illnesses, america-centric world building, a bitch with no friends attempting friendly dialogue.

a/n: well here it is! first full fic. believe it or not this was meant to be no longer than 1k, then i realized i get kinda pissed when fics don't include enough context for elements in the fic so i'd be a hypocrite if i didn't paint a likely unnecessarily vivid picture. feedback is much appreciated!

we love u very dearly junnie B💛

❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈ ❈

The sound of the dryer finishing its freshly washed load of delicates interrupted his fifth run through of his checklist. “Ok, let’s see….lube? Check. Waterproof blankets? Check. Three hour long Alpha on Alpha porn playlist? Check.” Renjun finally sighed with relief. It’s not everyday he obsesses over the amount of lube he has in his arsenal (he restocks his eight oz bottle of sliquid sassy every eight weeks on the dot), but it’s a special occasion. The special occasion.

He rebukes the term “late-bloomer”, despite the average age for an omega’s first heat occurring around eighteen. Renjun has always justified his lack of mating cycles with his ever present practicality. “You were absolutely ridiculous for a week straight until your heat broke.” He recalls to Donghyuck during their semi-regularly scheduled facetime catch-up they’ve adopted post grad school.

“I had so much going on freshman year, it would’ve made no sense for me to have to deal with a heat. Twenty-four is a way better age anyways, my prefrontal cortex is like eighty-five percent done, I can actually handle my brain being scrambled eggs for five days”. He says passively, ignoring the unimpressed look coming from the boy on the other side of the phone.

He unfortunately remembers the horrors of hearing Donghyuck’s first heat through their paper mache dorm room walls when they were eighteen, and the next heat three months later, and the next eighteen heats he endured as Donghyuck’s roommate. He’s convinced the boy has had enough heats for the both of them, especially considering Renjun was held solely responsible for ensuring his dear friend didn’t die of hunger or dehydration through them. It's a thankless job, but someone had to do it.

“Right, so I guess twenty-four is also the age where you’re finally gonna finish growing huh? Prime time to finally reach big boy height.” Donghyuck quips back, taking a break from grading assignments to goad the blonde boy giving him a deadpan stare through the phone.

“Bitch you’re literally 5’6 1/2 what are you talking about?” Renjun retorts, “it’s no way you’re calling me short when you just complained about how you cant find shoe lifts in canada.” Donghyuck widens his eyes in shock. “Talking about shoe lifts when you just begged me to ask Doyoung if he could hem those jeans 6 inches shorter is crazy work Renjun.” 

They continue their childlike bickering over their similarly petite frames for an unreasonable amount of time, before Donghyuck remembers the real reason for today’s meeting. “Ok but seriously, how are you feeling about this whole thing? I know it’s kinda a lot at once, be honest with me?” Donghyuck starts. He woke up two days ago to Renjun’s frenzied calls, knowing his friend was well aware that waking hours for him in Atlanta were still Donghyuck’s “dead to the world” hours in Vancouver, he was for certain there was an actual emergency.

Renjun had woken up with a pounding headache, abdominal cramps, and the unsettlingly wet mouth feel that comes right before vomiting. He knew what that meant, but refused to actually confront what was happening until Donghyuck got a look at him and convinced him to go to the omega urgent care. Donghyuck sat on the phone with him while he waited for the doctor, cheered as Renjun got the confirmation he was in pre-heat (much to Renjun’s dismay), and helped him pick the best painkillers to aid his cramps and headache. It was the best he could do from another country, fighting the urge to book a flight to go support his best friend in what’s easily the most important event in an omega's life. His husband only barely managed to convince him it was unnecessary and that they could just send him a nice care package in the mail on expedited shipping, Mark was always the level headed one in the relationship.

Renjun sighed before he could answer. “To keep it one-hundred percent real with you, I’m terrified. Like am I gonna be okay? What if I fuck up somehow and I end up never being able to have kids or something insane? Anything could happen?” Renjun said, ever the worrywort and full of trepidation about new experiences. Donghyuck scoffed, rolling his eyes at the catastrophization of the world’s most natural activity. “Friend, how could you possibly fuck up jerking off? You’ve had a solid twelve years of experience for this, relax!” Renjun shut his eyes and huffed in annoyance, “Obviously that’s not what I’m worried about idiot. I’m worried that I won’t be able to actually satisfy myself through the whole thing, and you know what happens if I can’t be fully satisfied.” Donghyuck sighs in acknowledgement.

Continuous Heating Syndrome, colloquially known as a heat frenzy, is a rare but unfortunate side effect of a heat that goes unsatiated. Nonstop migraines, vomiting, loss of motor function, seizures, or shit...even worse. Donghyuck has heard horror stories of omegas having perfectly normal heats that turn into three week stints at the hospital after they couldn’t break. Scary shit. Rare for all omegas, but increasingly likely for an unmated omega without consistent access to a knot, a category which Renjun unfortunately falls into. “Look at it this way” Donghyuck starts, “It’s not like you have no options at all. You don’t necessarily have to do this alone.” Renjun grimaces. He knows exactly where Donghyuck is going with this, and he’s not even remotely here for it.

 “I’m not calling the heat hotline.” Renjun was scared, not desperate. He had no reason to hire a random Alpha who needed extra money to come fuck him for five days straight, he could figure something else out for sure. “Oh girl please!” Donghyuck exclaims, “That’s literally exactly what you need right now! They’re super strict about testing so you won’t have to worry about that, plus it’s covered by your insurance? What is the issue?” Renjun rolls his eyes, ‘The issue is that you think i’m supposed to just randomly fuck the first alpha who doesn’t look like he snuck on the planet just to stop myself from going into a coma, I have options bitch!” 

Donghyuck scoffs, “Sure you do. Is now the time when Jen and Jae finally jump through the screen of their newest edging scene to keep you company through your heat? Porn only takes you so far, friend.” Renjun hates that Donghyuck knows him well enough to know he’s been anxiously scouring his favorite alpha pornstars’ onlyfans to find some semblance of relief through his rapidly approaching week of agony. “I have toys! So many toys! I don’t need an alpha at all, I have like six different vibrating cocks to choose from” Renjun grumbled. He was a fully self sufficient twenty-four year old omega who doesn’t need an alpha! Or so he continues to force himself to believe.

“If you’re gonna be stubborn about it, the least you can do is be safe.” Donghyuck says, his worried expression softening the defensive stance Renjun has adopted. “You do have someone nearby right? Just in case you need someone to check in on you in person?” “Of course, Yangyang and Chenle are in the building down the street, if I need a restock on anything or if I start overheating and dying I can call them.” Renjun replies, in an attempt to calm his friend from his concerns. “You’re not gonna die girl. Especially since I found the perfect thing to help you out!” Donghyuck beams, giving Renjun his signature “I’ve done something I know you won’t like but I’m smart enough to know it’s what you need" look.

“Is it a dick? Don’t buy me a dick Hyuck I swear to god.” Renjun says, “Is that what you’ve been doing this whole time? Dick shopping instead of feeling sorry for me? I can't believe this.” “If it makes you feel better it’s not a dick, you have so many other ones another would be excessive, even for me. You’re gonna love it though! All those fears of heat frenzy are gonna go right out the window!” Renjun eyes the brunette through the screen suspiciously, Donghyuck’s odd enthusiasm has been the catalyst to multiple cautionary tales Renjun is saving for his grandkids. Now might be the worst time to let his guard down. “I swear to god, if it’s something weird i’m sending it back and getting a restraining order.” Donghyuck giggles in nefarious delight, “It’ll be at your doorstep in two days!” Renjun groans in horror.

Renjun is shaken from his daydream riddled with Donghyuck’s alarming cackles by the sound of the doorbell being rang for the fourth time. “Oh! Coming, coming, so sorry!” He yells out, rushing to the front door to see his instacart delivery driver struggling to hold Renjun’s last minute groceries. The poor guy takes a deep breath and tries not to look nearly as phased as he is by Renjun’s sweet bergamot scent. “I-I wasn’t able to find the caramel pecan cookies, so I got you an extra box of kitchen sink cookies, I hope that’s ok?” The man stutters, clearly fighting the urge to comment on what smells like the sweetest omega he’d ever met. “Oh no worries! Thank you so much, they always go out of stock pretty quick.” Renjun replies, now increasingly aware of the alpha’s growing nervousness and intensified teakwood scent.

He hurries to grab the groceries from the boy and set them on his kitchen counter. “Here you go!” Renjun says, handing over his nice ten percent tip for the guy’s troubles. “T-T-Thank you!” he replies, after making a horribly obvious attempt at trying to inhale as much of Renjun’s residual scent on the ten dollar bill. Renjun awkwardly waves him goodbye, and closes the door of his apartment asking whichever deity that watches over him why he couldn’t have already been mated to avoid having to endure that. The plights of a single omega, he thinks to himself, now rapidly moving towards his kitchen to take final inventory. 

His heat is scheduled to begin sometime tonight, made clear by his overwhelming scent and his unbearable body temperature. He’s already considered turning his air conditioner up higher, but realizing that his poor plants would hate to live in a house that’s fifty-five degrees for a week straight, he suffers in a scantily clad haze. He’s stocked up with seven cases of water, four boxes of cookies, six frozen pizzas, and three family sized bags of chicken nuggets. His poor air-fryer will be working overtime this week, Renjun is fully prepared to only have twenty minutes of energy between heat spikes to keep himself semi-sufficiently nourished. He grabs an armful of waters and sports drinks he’d picked up earlier that week to carry them to his room. He placed them next to the other small snacks he’d put in his mini fridge conveniently sitting next to his nest, there was no way he’d be able to make it to the kitchen after the first few rounds and immediate hydration was a non-negotiable.

Renjun took a moment to be proud of himself. He was a single omega preparing for the most intense and important event of his life. All those incredibly awkward sex-ed lessons he endured in middle school, and the trauma-inducing nights spent handing Donghyuck and Mark bottles of gatorade and fruit snacks while trying to avoid  seeing any genitals had finally led up to this moment. Renjun was fully prepared. Renjun was gonna be okay. 

His doorbell rings again. This time unexpectedly. He opens the door to find another delivery man, this time an omega, Renjun can tell by the soft lavender scent. “Order for Renjun Huang?’ The man asks. Renjun grimaces at the horrifically American butchering of his name, giving a pleasant but unsure smile. “Yes! That’s me” Renjun replies, taking a look at the ominously large box the man is holding. "Great, sign here please” He grumbles, trying to make quick work of what Renjun can only presume is his last delivery of the day. Renjun makes quick work of scribbling his signature on the dotted line, before mumbling a quick thank you and grabbing the box. It’s oddly heavy, which wouldn’t be too concerning, until he took a closer look at the label and read ‘From: Mark and Donghyuck ♡,” in Donghyuck’s messy half cursive half print handwriting.

“Oh dear god” Renjun thinks, now the weight of the box is a genuine cause for concern. He heaves the box to his counter and takes a deep breath before cutting it open. Much to his surprise, it’s all normal nice things. He pulls out a box of the maple cookies Renjun became obsessed with when Mark brought them back a box after returning to campus from his thanksgiving break in Vancouver, the ones Renjun was pissed to find out aren’t available in Atlanta. He sees a stuffed bear and stuffed cheetah wrapped in plastic, Renjun pulls them out to admire the resemblance to his dear friends before he realizes they were both scented like Hyuck and Mark. Renjun could just cry. He felt so loved and cherished by his best friend, how loving and thoughtful Donghyuck always was despite being a smug piece of shit ninety percent of the time. He’s been wanting nothing more than to experience one of their “cuddle puddles”, that while Renjun would always protest, he secretly loved. He pulls out a lovely soft yellow blanket with pretty little ruffles on the ends, perfect to go in his nest for added comfort. Wrapped in the blanket is a little note: 

 “You’re gonna have a great time Junnie! Don’t overthink things, just relax and enjoy the ride! We love you so very much! - Hyuckie and Markie”

Renjun is tearing up, his friends love him so much, he’s gonna be okay! Then he sees another box at the bottom, hidden by the blanket and other gifts before it. He shimmies the black box out of the larger brown one and places it on the counter, now able to get a full look at what the picture on the box is displaying. The tears instantly dry. The feelings of love and admiration are replaced with immediate annoyance.

In a scary showcase of friendship telepathy, his phone rings, lighting up with the picture Donghyuck took of his flared nostrils freshman year. Renjun sighs, then answers the phone. “Why would you buy me a fuck machine?” Renjun stares into the phone, hoping to look as menacing as he can in a hello kitty headband holding his blonde strands from his face. “I see you got our present.” Donghyuck replies, shit eating grin so intense his lips were threatening to split apart. “I told you I had just the thing in mind for your heat girlie!” Renjun huffs with the full intent to call Donghyuck everything but a child of god, but he’s getting hotter and the throbbing between his legs is getting more intense. Tonight he chooses peace. “In seven days you’ll begin to cough” he says, and hangs up the phone to let out a loud exasperated grunt. 

Now the real preparation begins. Renjun walks over to his dryer and pulls out his satin robe he’d freshly washed for the occasion. He makes his way over to his bathroom to begin the most intense shower he’s had since his last failed date with an alpha he met on Wolfr. “Nice dick, horrendous vibes.” Renjun shudders at the memory. “Maybe that’s just how guys from Connecticut are? Connecticut is barely a real place, who cares.” He pauses his internal monologue for a moment to place a vanilla scented shower steamer in the corner of the tub. He lights himself a few overpriced indie candles he got from a small business bazaar in the city, and starts easing himself out of his tiny shorts.

He takes his time pulling the silky fabric of his briefs, gently coaxing his dick out of the fabric. He shudders at the cold air hitting his half-hard cock, sending shivers up his spine and another light stream of slick out of his tip. “Fuck,” He moans softly, entirely too aroused for his own good. He pulls his shirt over his head, shuddering again when the air hits his puffy swollen nipples. He takes the time to get a full look at himself in the full size mirror. “Fuck I’m hot. No wonder that Alpha almost popped his knot earlier,” Renjun smiles to himself confidently.

He makes his way into the shower, taking a deep breath of the warm vanilla scent circling him, meshing wonderfly with his own light citrusy aroma. The hot water of the shower electrifies Renjun’s body, he takes a moment to soak in the amazing feeling of the heat comforting his aching limbs. He starts with his favorite lemon and honey scented body wash to begin carefully massaging his arms and chest with the warm and fruity bubbles.

The sensation of the lather was already driving him crazy, absolutely loving the way his hands gilded seamlessly over his hips and ass. Renjun wasn’t normally the type to be so turned on by his own body, he guesses it’s just the excess hormones making any sight of bare skin immensely arousing. He snaps out of his hormone induced stupor to remember that he has a whole shower routine to get through, so he gives his soft chest a final squeeze, then moves back under the welcoming stream of the water to rinse himself clean. He grabs his body scrub and locks in for the remainder of his shower. 

Renjun emerges in a cloud of sugary citrus air, intoxicating even to himself. He wraps himself in his gold satin robe, and makes his way to his vanity for his finishing touches. Renjun digs through his copious amounts of products to find the expensive body oil he’s been saving for this very occasion. He strips off his robe, and starts massaging the oil into his skin, starting at his legs. Every dip his fingers make into his skin brings him closer to ecstasy. Closer to what he knows is gonna be the most intense feeling of his life. He’s just barely finished rubbing himself down when he starts leaking a new stream of slick from his puckered asshole.

“Oh shit, that must mean it’s about to be time huh?” He figures, moving to wrap his robe around him yet again to avoid his neighbors getting a free show through his open blinds. He draws the curtains, dims the lights, and connects his television to his laptop for an optimized viewing experience. He already has his nightly entertainment pulled up, three hours of Jen and Jae’s best material. Nothing that riles Renjun up more than seeing an alpha take a eleven inch dick like he was made for it.

He settles into the spot he carefully carved into his nest, when he lays his eyes on the pretty yellow blanket Donghyuck sent him in his care package. Then he thinks about what else was present in the care package. He pauses for a second, thinking about how he actually hadn’t even taken the fuck machine out of the box. “Well obviously I didn’t take it out the box, I’m not giving Hyuck the satisfaction of knowing I used a toy he gave me,” Renjun thinks to himself. Then again, it’s not as if Hyuck has to know Renjun used it. Then again, it’s not as if using it could be a bad idea, Renjun considers.

He drags himself out of bed to collect the box from the kitchen counter, setting it down on his bed as he begins to actually open the machine. He definitely recognizes the machine, it’s pretty famous among omega content creators due to its lightweight build and convenient suction cup base to accommodate any dildo the user pleases. He looks over at the extended assortment of toys he’s curated for tonight’s events:  a vibrating fleshlight for his cock and three different dildos in ascending length and thickness for his differing stages of need. Renjun felt his hole flutter with excitement as another gush of slick slid down his thighs.

He thinks about it for a moment, considering how much nicer it'd be if he didn’t have to be responsible for thrusting his toys in and out of his slicked hole. He decides to use the suction cup base of the fuck machine to attach it to the headboard of his bed, checking the height of his placement to ensure it would be the perfect height for him to comfortably get backshots from the toy. If he’s desperate enough for it he, reasons, first choosing to hold off from letting Donghyuck be right about something for as long as possible. With the machine firmly secured, Renjun settles back into his comfy spot in the nest. He takes off his robe, presses play on his laptop, and reaches for his fresh bottle of lube to start massaging his warm cock. 

He’s 10 minutes into watching Jae eat Jen’s ass when Renjun finally has his first orgasm. His little heaves and moans fill the room as he milks himself of his well deserved release. “Ooh…ahh…ahh...fuck!” He shouts, pulling himself further into overstimulation as his vision starts to haze over. He’s laying in a puddle of hot slick, constantly pumping out more and more as he keeps toying with his cock. He’s using his other hand to pump his fingers furiously in his asshole, loving the searing sensation of his hole stretching over his digits. “Mmm fuck...fuck, ooh make him cum Jae” he moans, picturing himself as the pornstars’ third wheel in their bedroom.

He realizes his hands aren’t gonna cut it though, he releases his cock from his vice grip and winces as he pulls his fingers from his ass to grab his fleshlight and the smallest dildo from the pile. “Oh shit,” he hisses, feeling that same intoxicating stretch to the next degree as he tries to slip the seven inch toy deep inside. He needs another large squirt of lube to get the job done, a sign he hasn’t completely gone into heat quite yet, letting his semi-delirious brain know he still has some semblance of self-control.

He pours another squirt of lube directly into the fleshlight, giving it a few pumps with his fingers, and then using those same fingers to pump his cock, before squeezing his drained but solid dick into the tight slippery hole.  He’s fully entranced in the sensations of his body now, leaking so much slick his toy keeps slipping out of his hole. The throbbing between his legs is reaching an ungodly peak, rushing his second orgasm into him like a train. “Ahhhh FUCK,” he screams, feeling the pulse of his prostate send him into overdrive. His cum and slick is pooling at the base of his dick, overflowing the fleshlight and adding to the lewd sounds deafening his ears.

He makes a move to turn up the vibrations on the toy, barely getting a chance to move his hand from the button before the pulse of his third release shakes him to the core. Renjun is completely lost at this point, barely aware of anything around him other than his seemingly never ending fountain of cum and the hypnotic sights and sounds of his favorite muscle bottom getting dicked within an inch of his life. God he wishes that was him taking alpha meat. Then he remembers it totally can be him. He grabs the biggest dick he owns, neglecting any more prep that the fifteen minutes of intense pounding hasn’t provided, and sticks the heavy dildo to the waiting base of the fuck machine.

He positions himself comfortably in front of the plastic cock, taking a moment to admire his mess on his satin sheets. “S-Shit…ohhh fuck,” he hisses as he shoves the toy into his ass. He barely gives himself a moment to adjust before he reaches for the remote to start the lowest thrusting pattern, desperate for the feeling of his hole getting stretched to its limits. Renjun lets out a low groan while the toy picks up speed. He clicks it up to the second level and jolts as the tip of the cock starts hitting his prostate. “Ohhhhhhhhhhhh,” he groans, spilling more slick onto his sheets and sliding into his fourth orgasm, leaving his mind completely broken. He sets his fleshlight to its highest vibration and suction level, and shakes himself into another release.

If he had any ability to think critically he would be concerned for the amount of fluid leaking into his mattress, considering he’d completely forgotten to lay down the waterproof blankets he was so intent would save him a massive cleaning bill, especially since the cock in his ass causes another surge of slick to shoot from his hole. Nearing delirium, Renjun decides the dual stimulation still isn’t enough. He wants even more, he needs even more.

The smell of his slick and cum is intoxicating, leaving his brain just as fried as the underpaid alpha that nearly sprung a leak at his door earlier. He grabs the smaller dildo that he used to work his ass open at the start of his playtime, and gave it a slow lick from the balls to the tip. Tasting himself on the toy made his next orgasm even harder, sucking the head of the dildo like it was an actual alpha. Throating the cock to it’s hilt like Jae himself was fucking his throat. Renjun was officially in heat, too spent to think, and too horny to care. 

With the last bit of his reflexes he has left, he manages to switch the fuck machine to it’s highest setting, and prepares himself for the ride of his life. “Ohhhhh Shit! Oh Shit! Fuckkkkkk,” he stutters, forming the last coherent phrases he’ll be saying for a while. His head is absolutely pounding, reality is bending, and all he knows is fact are the loud moans he and Jen are churning out along with the surge of energy rushing through his ass and cock. “Ahh oh my god, oh my god,” he screams, ushering himself into otherworldly realms of pleasure.

His cock is being milked to extremes he didn’t know were possible, the pumping motions of the fleshlight sending streams of cum all over his balls and thighs from where the toy could no longer hold his load. He groans as the cock in his ass pounds into his prostate, sending him further into the orgasmic spiral he has no intention of leaving. He’s coming down from his tenth orgasm when he finally decided to give his dick a break, pulling the toy milking him for the last two hours off his cock and throwing it to the side, in the interest of laying face down ass up, fully submitting to the plastic cock he’s worshiping with every fiber of his being.

He can barely make any sounds other than small gurgles when he starts craving his own musk again, grabbing the fleshlight and sticking his tongue as deep as he can into the sopping wet hole, basking in the scent of his pleasure. He slurps up his essence as he feels his ass getting tighter, the dildo seemingly rutting rougher and rougher to break through his grip. He slides himself back even further on the toy, taking all eleven inches impossibly deep, crying out at the feeling of his stomach bulging from the cock mixing up his guts. Renjun is lost in the vortex of his heat, unable to do anything but scream in pleasure in between licking his fleshlight like it’s a real asshole, when he feels it.

His eyes go wide, his ass locks up around the plastic knot completely, the overwhelming pleasure forcing his body to mate with the cock rearranging him. The toy stops moving in and out, too suffocated by Renjuns slick walls to complete a full cycle of motion, instead sending deep thuds of pressure directly on his prostate. His eyes start rolling back as his body starts convulsing, unable to control his movements. His loud moans turn to deafening screams when a long stream of clear liquid shoots from his cock. He cries out in pleasure as he lets out endless gushes of liquid, soaking through whatever parts of his mattress weren’t already sticky with slick. His voice starts to taper off into quieter whines, soon after, Renjun’s vision goes black. 

Renjun wakes up thirty minutes later, slightly less attached to the toy. Its batteries must’ve died sometime between him squirting and passing out, but Renjun has little recollection of anything that occurred once his first heat spike hit. He hears the faint sound of his pornstars giving each other aftercare from what must’ve been a similarly intense scene in the background, figuring he should follow in Jen’s footsteps and have a bottle of water.

He rolls over in his nest, taking in the absolutely ruined state of his bed, along with the extremely satisfied feeling in his body. “Woah,” he thinks, “I gotta get Hyuck a Waffle House gift card or something.”

[bbrissonn]

𝐭𝐢𝐫𝐞𝐝 𝐨𝐟 𝐮 - 𝐭𝐫𝐞𝐯𝐨𝐫 𝐳𝐞𝐠𝐫𝐚𝐬 (𝟏)

╰┈➤kinda nervous lol, making this on sept 22 at 11:51 pm. i came up with this idea for an au after seeing this post from @edwardslvrr like 2 hours ago

╰┈➤ october 8th bri bri here, decided to post this cause why not, it's all i've been thinking about since i started this au in my draft and i really want to make it public so yeah :))) hope you enjoy !!

╰┈➤ pairing: trevor zegras x ex!singer!reader

╰┈➤ masterlist

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-SEPTEMBER 1ST, 2023-

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: ̗̀➛ alannaoregon has posted on instagram for the first time in a while

alannaoregon

liked by jamie.drysdale and 1.8M others

alannaoregon so excited to announce that my sophomore album Tired of U comes out on October 13th !! this has been a work for almost 6 months and i cant wait for all of you to hear it. starting off with “i regret you everyday” coming out September 22th

much love, lana 🩵

view all 5,042 comments

becky.rivera GO BEST FRIEND

alannaoregon @/becky.rivera I LOVE YOU BEST FRIEND

user83 NEW MUSIC NEW MUSIC

jamie.drysdale so proud

alannaoregon @/jamie.drysdale love you little one

user920 soooo we all agree on who all of these are gonna be about right…?

user726 trevor went from having 12 love songs written about him, to 14 breakup song 🫢

user02 @/user726 from obsessed with you to tired of u..

sabrinacarpenter so happy to be by ur side and see u grow, cant wait for everyone these masterpieces 🩷

alannaoregon @/sabrinacarpenter love you so much 🩷

user53 the way lana always uses a blue or white heart, but always a pink one for sabrina 🥹

user836 @/user53 glad im not the only one who noticed

user637 BAHAHAHA LIKE 10 OF TREVORS FRIEND LIKED THIS

load more…

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: ̗̀➛ alanna oregon posted a new youtube video

“Becky bring your butt over here.” Alanna called out, placing her camera on the counter of her bathroom. Her skincare products in front of her as Becca made her way into the room, waving at the camera once she was in frame.

"I'm here, I'm here." The Rivera girl said as Alanna grabbed her first product and started applying it to her face.

"Hi cuties, it's me, Lana." The singer said in a weird voice, one she used in every intro. Becca snorted a bit, making her best friend giggle a bit. "I am back with my girl Becky."

"That's me."

"And today, we're gonna take for a lake day with us. And through out the day, I am gonna explaining every single song from my next album, Tired of u, that comes out on October 14th." Alanna explained as she moved onto her second product. Next to her, Becca was nodding along to what she way saying, a proud smile on her face.

"Go pre-save it, guys!"

"And we're gonna be starting with a single, I regret you everyday, coming out on September 20th."

"Not gonna lie, I think that's one of my fav." Becky said as Alanna moved onto her third product. The singer had already made her best friend listen to the whole album, but the girl was there for the writing and producing process so she already had a good idea of what the song were like.

"So, I regret you everyday is a pretty self explanatory title for the song. It's pretty much about regretting ever getting into a relationship with someone, let alone even meeting them even if it's something you can't control." The girl started as she applied her sunscreen gently to her skin. "I think it was the second song I finished writing, maybe like a week after my break-up."

"Wasn't it two weeks?"

"I dunno know, doesn't matter. I was just crying on Becky's couch one day and just came up with it, she helped me write some of the lines."

"You can call me Shakespeare now." The Rivera girl joked, causing her best friend to giggle once again.

"Any who, I picked that song to be a single because I think it really gives off the vibe of what the album is gonna be. Also, because Becky said she'd hit me if I didn't put-"

"Lies!"

"If I didn't put out as a single. So, yeah, now you know!" Alanna continued, ignoring the look her best friend was giving her. She quickly cut the camera after that, laughing at Becca's expression that still hadn't changed.

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The next clip was of the two girls in the kitchen, preparing their breakfast for the day.

"I don't know if we said it before, but we're at Becky's family cottage for the weekend, so we're gonna go swimming this afternoon." Was the first thing said in the clip, Becky in the frame as she broke the eggs. Alanna was in the back, doors of the fridge opened as the looked for the milk.

"Then I am taking her out a date to the porch for dinner with the sunset."

"Fun fact for y'all, the photo on the back of the album was taken by the neighbors of me and Becky. So, thanks to them for their contribution to the album."

"And to my dock for being the front of it." Becca added as she now left the frame and Alanna was now the main focus.

"The next song we're gonna talk about is sunset chasing. Now that song was... very emotional to make, because as some of you might know, I am a whore for sunsets, and sunset chasing was something I did a lot with my ex." The girl started explaining.

"Big big whore for them!"

"In the song, the sunset represents like my relationship with said ex, and how I was like chasing after him and his attention even though we were together for years already. And I guess you could say there's like a double meaning I think, like how sunset chasing turned into me chasing him." She added, smiling slightly had Becca's words.

"I was once again present for the writing of this song and contributed." Becca said, walking back into the frame for a slight second, a proud smile on her face.

༊*·˚

"The birds are trying to eat my food!" Becca yelled out, a loud laughing coming from Alanna as she filmed her best friend shoo away the birds. The two girls were now outside, their breakfast in front of them as they sat on the porch, from which they had a nice view of the lake.

"Becca, don't hurt them!" Alanna said from being the camera, making the girl in question look at her like she was crazy.

"They're going for my food, Lana." There was a cut after that, and then the two girls were sitting around a round table as they slowly ate their food.

"Can I introduce this song?"

"Even if I say no, you'll do it anyways, Becky."

"Damn right I will. Anyways, guys, the next song is called 11 feet behind!" Becca announced to the camera giggling a bit after saying the title of the song. "What's that song about, Lana?" She asked with wiggling eyebrows.

"That song is about always feeling like you're always behind in your relationship. Like people know more what's going on in your relationship than you do, which, fucked up for one, and two really sucks, because it makes you feel like you mean nothing to your partner."

"Guys, let me tell, my girl did not hold back with this one." Becca giggled while talking to the camera. When Alanna had told her best friend she'd be using Trevor's number in one of her song titles, the girl gasped, calling her crazy because of it.

"I am speaking the truth."

"I'm so proud of you, lanny." Becca said randomly, looking over at her best friend. Alanna laughed a bit before giving the girl a big hug, laughing a little.

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"We're getting Starbucks!" Becca yelled out as the next clip started, Alanna's laugh being heard once again. The two of them were now in the car, Becca driving as the other girl sat in the passenger seat, holding the camera so they were both in frame.

"Which is like totally crazy 'cause the next song was written in a Starbucks."

"What a coincidence."

"Right!" The two girl joked, their chuckles echoing in the car before Alanna focused back on the task at hand. "Anyways, it's called Friend Stealer. Long story short, it's about getting dumped by a guy so he can go date one of your friend, that he met through you."

"Snakes." Becky could be heard whispering in the back.

"And the reason why it was written in a Starbucks is because I just wanted to leave my house, get some caffein, and as I was just sitting there thinking about the whole thing, the lyrics just came to me. So, I wrote them down in my notes, typing like a crazy lady on my phone."

"She was gone for like three hours, I was so worried!" Becca said, making Alanna roll her eyes slightly.

"Okay, that's a bit dramatic, I was gone for like, forty-five minutes maybe."

"Still scared me."

"Moving on, that song was probably what helped me really get over my break-up, well more like started the whole moving on process. I was really just writing what I was feeling and yeah, that song was born. It was the first one that I found the melody for, but I think it was like, the forth I wrote, and that's when I decided I was making an album." The singer explained with a shy smile, recalling the happiness she had felt after finally writing out all her anger.

༊*·˚

"We're back in the car! Becky, what'd you get, girl?"

"I got a grande iced coffee with a splash of cream, two pumps of vanilla and two pumps of hazelnut." The girl explained her order, shaking her drinks around. "How about you, m'lady?"

"I got the same as always, my sir. A venti brown sugar oatmilk shaken expresso, only three pumps of brown sugar, three pumps of white mocha and no cinnamon."

"For all of you who didn't know, Lana's my sugar mommy, and she paid for my drink." Becca spoke, grabbing the camera for it was focusing on her. Her best friend scoffed a bit before bringing back to camera on her as Becky started to drive.

"Killing us softly is the name of the next song we're gonna be talking about. The title pretty much says it all, it just talks about how someone in a relationship just doesn't care enough and it's slowly killing their relationship." The clip cut right after the girl was done talking, and the next clip was of her sitting in her bed, filming on her phone with her headphones on.

"Guys, my camera died, oops. And at first Becky and I were gonna go to Target, well we still did, and film the next song in the car. Obviously, we couldn't do that, and my dumb ass forgot to like, go to the song we were gonna do in the car. So, here it is!

It's called mascara stained cheeks, once again, title says it all. But, it goes more into details about how toxic my relationship with my ex got, and how much he made me cry. Small reminder, that crying often in a relationship because of your partner, is not a healthy relationship, never has been and never will be. With that being said, next clip! Wait no, disclaimer, I got a little lazy with these, oops again, so the clips are pretty short. Okay, now, next clip!"

༊*·˚

The two girls were now laying on their chests on sun bathing chairs. The camera was set up on a small table in front of them as they both pushed themselves up on their chairs.

"30 seconds. Wanna do the honor's of explaining this one, Becky?"

"Yes please. This song is about how much of an asshole mister tiny dick was."

"Becca!"

"What? He was. Mister tiny dick broke up with my goddess of a best friend over a phone call, that lasted a solid 30 seconds." The Rivera girl explained, as Alanna gave her stern look.

"Becky, I'm gonna get demonetized because of you."

"Not my fault he had a tiny dick."

"Becca!"

༊*·˚

"Guys, it's editing Lana here again." The girl said, once again sitting in her bed. " So, apparently, none of my footage for the next three songs saved, yay. So, I am gonna have to do this little explanation segment again.

Okay, crushed mind. My baby, the second song I wrote, uhm, I pretty much got emotionally cheated on, so, my mind crushed. Oh my, God, I suck at explaining when I am alone. I feel so awkward just talking to my phone. Ugh, anyways, yeah, I don't know what else to say for that one.

Moving on, i miss u, this one I'm gonna explain so good, just watch, well listen... and watch. It's about missing the person your partner used to be, feeling like they've just become this whole new different person than the one you feel in love with. Which hurts, a lot. But, you know, people change, you can't get mad at people because of that... but you can write songs about it." The girl said, giggling slightly at the end.

"Last song that vanished, spinning circle, talks about conversations with my ex, would just be a spinning circle, I know the saying is like cycle or whatever, but the circle part is explained in the song. I can't tell you right now though, 'cause then I'm... I'm spoiling the like plot twist in the lyrics. Anyways, my camera figured itself out after that clip, so yeah. Back to Lanny and Becky from a week ago."

༊*·˚

The two young adults were sitting on the paddle board, which was tied to the dock so they didn't float away. The sun was beaming on them as their wet skin reflected the light slightly.

"I felt a fish touch me!" Becca gasped just as Alanna was about to speak.

"It's a fish, it's not gonna kill you."

"No, but you know what will, forgiving." Becca said, winking at the girl, clearly proud of herself for the word play. "Get it? 'Cause the next song is... forgive."

"Go you, girly. Forgive, is about forgiving myself for the pain I caused myself during the end of my relationship. Like, I knew it wasn't healthy and all, I knew I should've broken up with him, but I didn't. And it ended up hurting me a lot, and I wrote that song last, kinda like a letter to my past self, forgiving her for making me hurt."

"If any of you though it was about her forgiving mister tiny dick, you weren't alone. I though so too, and I almost wacked her when she told me." Becca said, using the nickname she had for Trevor once again. "Don't look at me like that, you're not gonna get demonetized!"

༊*·˚

"Okay, friends, it's now bedtime for us. We decided not to film after dinner, because we ended having a little heart to heart in the car after, and we just didn't really feel like it. So, we're gonna speed run the last three."

"Heist!" Becca called out. The two best friends were once again in the bathroom, now doing their nightly skincare.

"Going on a heist to get the smallest bit of attention from your partner." Alanna answered.

"heart n soul."

"How hurt my heart and soul were after my break up."

"Last one, tired of u!"

"Tired of... them. Yeah! No, uhm, I am gonna take a little more time on this one since it's also the name of the album. Tired of u, is just about how tired I was of how my old boyfriend was treating me and acting around me. And the reason I picked that name for the album, is because it really describes how I feel towards him still, and our relationship, even now. Overall, just tired of everything related to my old relationship, the media, the comments, just all of it."

"I got tired of him, too, Lanny." Becky said right before the clip cut, making the singer chuckle slightly.

༊*·˚

"Okay friends, we're now in our matching pjs, and we're gonna go to sleep now. So, thanks for hanging with us today."

"Don't forget to go pre-save the album!"

"And yeah, I'll see you guys soon. Bye bye!" Alanna said before leaning in and pressing a kiss to the lens, which Becca than repeated.

: ̗̀➛ comments

user80 the way every time she vlogs she always struggles with the camera- she's so me

user001 so excited to hear these songs, all of them sound so interesting !!!

user719 guys i think she's gonna release sunset chasing as a single before the album drops cause she did the whole album in order, expect for i regret you everyday and sunset chasing

user412 @/user719 OMG YOU'RE SO SMART alannaoregon @/user719 shhh bestie you're gonna ruin the surprise user719 @/alannaoregon OH MY GOD OH MY GOD HIIIII

[epicthemusical]

Haunted Thunder pt 1

WARNING THUNDER SAGA SPOILERS CANNON BLOOD AND DEATH

Time didn't work as it used to and Polites was left to float around aimlessly in the bleak underworld.He faintly remembers seeing Odysseus but already it was fading from his mind, how long has he been here? Minutes? Months? Years? He has no idea.

He is jolted out of his endless wandering and finds himself on a boat with…Odysseus?! Polites shakes himself out of his shock before rushing to hug his friend only to find himself unable to touch him only passing through him. He tries again to grab Odysseus’s arm and again he passes through his friend.

“Odysseus!” Nobody hears him though and as Polites sinks to the deck he hears singing coming from the ocean. Odysseus starts responding to a voice..wait it can't be possible. Penelope has no way of being out at sea like this so what? The answer hits him hard ...no please don't be sirens!

All Polites can focus on is stopping Odysseus from answering the siren's call. Any attempt is ignored until Odysseus raises his bow and…shoots at the siren? Polites breathes a sigh of relief as Odysseus reveals he had known all along about the sirens. The sirens had been caught and Polites couldn't help but smile.

His friend always has a plan and this time was no exception. The sirens call for mercy and Polites waits for Odysseus to convince the sirens to leave and not bother them only to freeze at the order shouted to the wind.

“Cut off their tails and throw them back in the water. Let them all drown.” Polites just stands there in shock before flinching as the crew obeys the order. Blood and screams fill the air. He slumps to the deck and sees Odysseus, cold and uncaring as he watches the sirens be thrown back into the sea before sailing on leaving behind a sea of blood and bodies.Polites feels sick to his stomach.

-------------------------

Everything fades away revealing another scene. They seem to be sailing through a dark cave and a haunting tune fills the air leaving the entire crew on edge.Odysseus orders for 6 torches to be lit and passed out to crewmembers.

Polites tenses as six monstrous heads centering around a terrifying body emerge from the inky depths of the cave. He rushes towards someone holding a torch unaware of the monster behind him wishing desperately to save them. It was a meaningless effort as he passed through them only able to watch as blood splatters the deck and soon Polites screams mix in with the screams of the crew being picked off and eaten.

One of the feathers from Julien’s ankle wings, a broken claw necklace from Nox, a scrap of Charis’s scarf.

Everything is soaked in blood as Polites sobs and screams at all the death. He knows the names of everyone that was eaten.

Julien who always put up an unbothered and mischievous front to hide his fear of hurting people he cared about.

Nox who often used his silent footsteps and cat eyes to scare the crew.

Charis who loves to sew as a way to be close to his dead mom.

Lykos who only wanted to explore the world outside of the forest they grew up in.

Almi the quarter water nymph who gifts any scales he sheds to people he trusts and loved swimming with dolphins.

Therme who welcomes hugs and cuddles using his above average temperature to keep everyone warm with a smile.

Huedo with his calming aura letting crew members sleep in his room to keep nightmares away. They are all dead now, life ended brutally and abruptly. Polites throws up as he sobs and grieves.

----------------

Polites is pulled out of his grief by Eurylochus’s voice.

“Please tell me you didn't know that would happen. Look me in the eyes Captain and tell me you didn't just sacrifice 6 men!” Polites stared at Eurylochus in shock. How could he ever think that about Odysseus he would NEVER. But the silence drags on

“SAY SOMETHING!” Eurylochus was breathing hard and Odysseus sharply turns to face him

“I CANT.” Polites stares at Odysseus in disbelief. Now that he thinks about it Odysseus had not reacted at all to the men being eaten almost like….like he had expected it…

Polites covers his mouth as his eyes tear up, feeling sick again. Odysseus didn't actually sacrifice 6 of the crew right? He watches Eurylochus face harden

“then you leave me no choice.” Eurylochus draws out the giant sword from his back and faces Odysseus.

“Please brother don't make me fight you!” Odysseus is panicking but as Eurylochus charges he pulls out his own sword to block with gritted teeth. Polites feels himself start shaking as he watches the fight.

What could have happened after he had died?! How could this happen?! Eurylochus is knocked down and Odysseus raises his sword for the final strike

“I won't let you get in my way!” Before he can deal the final blow he starts coughing up blood and he turns and sees that another crew member had stabbed him in the back with tearful eyes. Odysseus’s eyes fill with pain both emotional and physical

“My brothers…why..” He falls forward landing on the deck with a thud. Polites cries out and stumbles over to his fallen friend. Once again his hands phase through Odysseus and he sobs, unable to do anything to help.

Polites watches them patch up Odysseus before tying him to the mast. Polites stares blankly into the distance wondering how everything could have gone so wrong.

Part 2 here

[lover-of-mine]

Yk, something about my Eddie fell first essay, I never really went like "oh this is something that could be proven right by canon" mostly because when I wrote that I was still dealing with buddie being a distant possibility not something that's so close I can taste, but then Ryan was let out of interview jail. Then I went full conspiracy theorist. (Please note everything from here on out is a conspiracy theory that will most likely never be confirmed or denied so I'll live in it forever) I had made the post about how I think Ryan is playing Eddie as in love with Buck, the question was whether he was being told to do that or he was just playing it up as much as they allowed him to because we know Ryan supports the ship, and then Ryan said the "this goes beyond friendship and I love you to the core" thing.

He said he talked to someone about what it meant for Eddie to do that, because he didn't understand it at first, and then that's the conclusion he reached. But the thing is, that line "I love you to the core" specifically means so much in the context of the season, to say I love you to Buck like that in season 4 is so MONUMENTAL, that I wanna believe one of the writers straight up told him "yo this is a love confession" and explained it to him like that, and he has been playing Eddie with that line in mind ever since, and that's why he had that locked and loaded for the interview. Because, like, I, in my most normal day, am out here arguing they casted Ryan with a plan, even more considering the way Eddie was written for Ryan, they could very much have told him "look, play with the chemistry you and Oliver have, if the audience likes with might amp it up, if we're lucky we might go there someday" because you have moments in season 2, but season 2 is still very low stakes, but then when I think about the the season 3 of it all, the there's nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you, the lawsuit, and well of it all and the way they put Ryan in pr jail after Eddie begins, an episode that would retroactively be HUGE for buddie but it's pretty big for them anyway, I'm like 🤔 because we all saw Ryan talking about buddie this past month, the guy CANT SHUT UP, and if he was told something during season 3 or 4 along the line of "play it up, we are gonna fight to make this happen", putting him in pr jail would make sense, because they can't risk him saying something if they're not sure they can deliver, because how fast they dealt with Buck being bi while in a new network makes me convinced someone on fox was blocking it and nothing will convince me otherwise. But now they can, so they let Ryan run free. Because you can make a VERY strong argument that Eddie is aware of something during season 5 and 6, season 6 most of all, but you can very much make season 5 queer coded and have Eddie be like "oh I can't ignore how I feel about him anymore", because Ryan also said something about Eddie's breakdown and how that's what allowed Eddie to let Buck "know who Eddie truly is" which is interesting with the way Eddie is constructed, because if Buck is inside the last wall Eddie had up, what's actually stopping Eddie to see he's in love with Buck by the end of the season? Which would make season 6 as a pining season for Eddie make sense. Down to the way the cemetery seems to be pulling these very specific reactions from Eddie that are the same reactions we saw him have in breakups and flights with Shannon. But also things like Eddie's reaction to the lightning being something we never saw from Eddie before AND the way Oliver talked about a scene of Eddie losing his composure during in another life, not during in a flash that we didn't get to see most likely because they completely rearranged 6b because they thought they were gonna get cancelled, so they wouldn't be able to deliver what they had in mind. But now they have nothing but time, season 8 is already confirmed, and by the looks of it abc was like "go for it" with buddie in a way that fox never was, so they finally got to tell Ryan "we're doing it, go crazy" and now we are here. They could prove me right today. About Eddie not about Ryan knowing and some secret plan being in place forever. I don't think it's gonna happen. I seriously don't think it's gonna happen. I'd be more surprised to be proved right than wrong here. But the conspiracy theory is a possibility that felt very real for a second there during promo season lol

[peppercornpress]

hiii..i just read again MFN and I couldn't get enough of it. But I always have this growing curiousity inside. I know this might be too much to ask but im really curious how naruto and hinata's first time happened in your MFN..I knew you included some hints but I cant help but wonder how it happened and what they felt that time.👉👈

Hey! I'm glad you liked MFN!!

Ah! NaruHina's first time... I feel like I added a lot of clues but maybe I edited a lot out? I was flirting with the idea of writing a prequel for a while but I just don't have any time for that (nor any interest) so here are my notes for their development:

*Spoilery down below:

On the morning of Naruto's 20th birthday (~6 months into living together), Hinata helps him change some bandages on him, and it reminds Naruto of the moment Hinata helped him rub ointment on his back during the botched moon mission (gotta have 'The Last' parallels all over MFN)...and they finally hash-out some uncomfortable truths. During the time they've lived together, it's been super obvious that they're attracted to each other, and it's been messing with both of them.

So Naruto tells Hinata he can't live with someone who is in love with him... so he'll move out, and let Hinata stay in their apartment.

Hinata assures Naruto she isn't 'in' love with him... and it isn't like that time on the moon, because she truly can't see a future with him. She also knows Naruto doesn't feel the same type of attraction she does toward him.

Naruto corrects her, and admits it's been very hard to keep things platonic--and accuses Hinata of trying to seduce him. Hinata's offended, and instead says she's been working overtime trying to ignore Naruto's advances. They have a bickering fight about who is seducing who, and suddenly they're aware that the mood's shifted and heck, it's Naruto's B-day and Hinata DID plan a fun surprise for him and they're both overcome with a lot of emotions on that day so... yeah. They do it. (It's kind of a cop-out, I know.)

Naruto and Hinata weren't technically ready for this sort of intimacy...so they're a mess in the aftermath. Naruto scrambles to try to fulfill his promise to leave the apartment to her, but can't fight his way out of the lease (yet another cop-out *sigh* I'm reading my notes and smdh). Hinata feels like Naruto is now afraid of her, and is ashamed of fulfilling all the rumors that were buzzing around them... so more drama ensues. But they obviously end up in an arrangement where they keep sleeping with each other. They just never fully talked out their first time though. And I hope that shows when reading the first few chapters of MFN.

[angelsdean]

im wondering because ive seen a few posts about cas ghosting dean and the only times i can think of that he does that are season 6 fighting the angel war, season 8 running off with the angel tablet, and season 12 going behind his back to steal the colt. which are all situations where hes doing something dean disapproves of/will try to stop him. idk you can debate whether cas was right but it feels very different from this idea that he never answers dean's calls because he just cant be fucked?

ok a few things:

the post was not about the intentions of either character. it was simply highlighting how dean has been "ghosted" and ignored by people he cares about and left to worry for days / weeks / months, not knowing if they were alive or not and how this is a recurring theme in his life. always left waiting and worried / terrified he'll never see someone again. that's all. no one is saying cas is a horrible, Bad, evil, malicious person for doing this or that he ignored dean for the hell of it. simply that his actions, regardless of his reasons, unknowingly hurt dean in a very specific way that mirror's john's actions, unfortunately.

re: intentions, yes most often cas's reasons for not contacting dean are because he's doing something behind the winchester's backs. most often with good intentions! from his POV he thinks he's doing the right thing. cas always wants to take things on himself, and that's part of his own trauma from being seen a tool for heaven for billions of years. he always wants to "prove" his worth. he always wants to come back with a "win" for the winchesters. but that's not something dean puts on him.

and all of those times you listed are times when dean expressed he wanted to help / work together. when cas was fighting his civil war dean asks cas to come to him if he needs help. dean always wants to help / be in the loop so he can help. that's part of why cas fucking off to do his own thing and not telling dean is often perceived as "ghosting." like, good intentions aside, cas often barrels headlong into things that he Knows might not be the "right" thing. Half the time his decisions backfire too. Like going to crowley / opening purgatory + swallowing the souls. running off with the tablet? cas was the one who decided to go off alone and not trust dean. dean wanted cas to stay with them and figure things out together. the colt? dean wanted them to all work together, cas decided to go on his side quest.

back to intentions again, cas always believes he's acting on good intentions, and well, the same could be said about john? like, from john's POV he thought he was doing the right thing, he thought he was keeping his boys safe by keeping them out of the loop. he ignored them for so long in s1 because he didn't want them getting involved. similar to how cas knew dean and sam wouldn't approve of what he was doing or would want to get involved in something cas believed was his job to solve, john also knew dean and sam would want to get involved in the hunt for azazel so he pushed them away and kept them in the dark. he personally had "good intentions" and his "reasons" for ghosting them, but regardless these actions still hurt them. and then add in all the times john failed to check in when they were kids, dean was constantly worrying john could be dead, as a child and as an adult in s1. and living with that kind of constant fear leaves scars imo which unintentionally get reopen every time someone dean cares about goes ghost for whatever reason.

and well, i'd say it hurts even more when it's cas because sure, john's a piece of shit more often than not, but cas is dean's best friend (and love!) and to be ignored / left in the dark when most often dean just wants to know cas is okay or so they can work together to solve whatever problem is going on? it hurts.

so, yes cas had his reasons and his intentions were often good! no one is saying they weren't. but the lack of communication, the bare minimum of any relationship, still hurts dean.

it's not unreasonable for dean to want his best friend to let him know he's okay / alive periodically, especially when they live in a literal supernatural horror fantasy show where they can get dead at any time. i don't think anyone is really saying cas is just ignoring him for no reason. sure he has his reasons. and regardless the lack of communications still hurts.

but also. the miscommunication is very delicious to me personally as a viewer.

tldr: anyways i don't think cas ghosts dean for no reason. i think he has his reasons. and still ghosts him bc he wants to come back with a win / doesn't want dean to get hurt / or stop him. but the ghosting still causes dean to worry / think he's dead / triggers a deep-seated anxiety and fears he's felt his whole life starting with john etc etc

[saisons-en-enfer]

Personal mental health masterpost:

Hey, so I’m making this post to give some clarity into my situation for anyone that cares so there is a mutual understanding; especially because I tend to spiral in real-time on tumblr

Preface: I know this is my blog but I don’t want that to be a basis for my deflecting the responsibility of my own mental well being onto others and make people suffer because of it, especially because when I’m down I’m extremely avoidant, self-centred, and may be unintentionally callous (no I’m not just saying that lightly, I’ve been in so many situations on tumblr and IRL that I say something that is extremely insensitive but that wasn’t my intent leading to so many “sha you can’t say no one cares I’m talking to you/sitting here with you how can you say that”) and I need to also own up to that and admit that sometimes my feelings are false and my thought process is jagged

I’ve hurt someone that is really important to me on here multiple times over this and sadly but deservedly they will never be in my life again (though they will always be important to me). I don't want this to be an insincere "I'm sorry I was wrong, please forgive me" but rather to come clean and say that it has happened and I just want to make sure I take actions so that no one who cares about me on here will ever go through the same situation with me; I love the connections I have tumblr beyond words so it's time I act as such

The crux of my dilemma: as I'm sure you all know, I don't desire much to be alive for multiple reasons that I wont get into, and I cant really end my life because I am practically unable to inflict such harm onto other people just because I'm having a hard time. I have exhibited suicidal behaviours irl numerous times but each time I either went through it successfully with coping, asking for help (usually on tumblr), and if worse comes to worst asking to be hospitalized (which happened 6 months ago after I lost my job). It's complicated to talk about so feel free to send asks or DMs if you want to know more, I do exhibit suicidal behaviours on here (by talking or implying how much I don't want to be alive and saying that I'm in unbearable pain, both of which are true) but I seldom think I'm a danger to myself. I would say I have more suicidal ideations (henceforth SI) than behaviours.

I was first diagnosed with depression when I was 21, by 24 I was diagnosed with major depression (clinical) along with GAD, OCD (obsessive in negative thinking), later at 26 with ADHD, and, last year with a mood disorder (yet to be configured, consensus right now is that it is just very unstable mood)

The mood instability is important to highlight because I can pretty much show you days in which my posts go from cheery to mellow throughout the course of a single day.

Tumblr to me is a very personal and emotional scrapbook, when my mood crashes or i get triggered by something, and go on an SI spiral, first thing that happens is that i panic really hard especially because I get caught in the trap of "oh I have to live again tomorrow and experience all of this again and live my life with this mind" and when I'm in that trail of thought, shit goes south real fast and I start having physiological symptoms; I can't breathe properly, I get chills etc. so it's either I sit with those feelings by myself (because I'm not brave enough and trust many people IRL to seek help; something I'm working on) or, I release it onto here as posts. I know it's odd but in my mind having a breakdown in public (similar to my tumblr outbursts) is more helpful in that people either ignore you in which case you will have sense to know that there is none but yourself that can bring you up in which case you pull yourself together and move forward, or people do take notice and show kindness and support and help you fight your way through to see another day. Whatever the case, at least your not weeping alone so to speak. It sounds callous and even attention seeking but i don’t believe it’s inherently wrong, it’s a call for help.

The attention seeking part of it I concede my approach is terrible and I’m such an asshole for constantly firing from the hip with saying shit like “I don’t want to be alive, Im better off dead” and other things of the same ilk no matter how much I mean it and feel the depth of those words so closely. I will be better; when I’m emotional I’m not rational so I don’t do what I always do, step back and think am I approaching this person correctly. My cousin told me “if you’re having a hard time, than don’t say things like that to freak me out… say hey K I’m a bit sad today, I need a hug, I need some love, I need to get out of my head a little”

I'm taking mood stabilizers twice a day, whilst this has been deemed to be enough since I tend to have a strong outward facade and keep composed if my mood falters until I'm alone in my room and my interactions with people irl has been functional, I fear it's not enough and I may have to bring it up even though it means more meds (which btw coincidentally my mother just walked in my room reminding my of my next psychiatrist appointment soon). It's just very hard to bring up my tumblr behaviour up in therapy because as soon as I'm honest about my posting, they will just want to hospitalize me... it's not conceivable in most people's minds that yes I dont wish to be alive but I don't necessarily want to kill myself.

Which brings me to this part regarding my etiquette on tumblr:

All text posts pertaining to my mental health, should it imply SI I will tag as "SI posting"

I will NOT be tagging really sad songs as of now, but I can certainly do that if people would like me to

When I post something concerning you can choose to ignore me altogether if you'd like I will not hold it against anyone or be upset or fall prey to the line of thinking that "no one cares" because I know beyond a doubt that people actually DO care

If you do see such a post and want to help me genuinely, interacting with the post (like or comment or whatever) however small helps me so much and makes me feel so much less alone and gives me strength to push through

You can also start a conversation with me and talk about anything at all that also gets my mind off of things

I promise ill try my hardest to just ask for support instead of just posting extremely concerning text posts

EDIT: im also open and welcome any suggestions people may have on this matter and how I can be better

I keep my promises very seriously and just over a week ago I promised someone I really care about that I will try and be better and I very much intend to do that.

Thank you so much for patience and kindness and just not giving up on me when at times I've given you ample reasons to do so, I love you so much

Much love

[quantum-bliss]

Someday of Heartbreak

I feel bad for you for the first time.

I look back and ask how and why? But I know how and why. You felt the distance between us and you could not live with the emotional withdrawl.

We have spoken since then, only two or three times. It kills me partial because I know you feel like I did the same thing to you and you forgave it, so why cant I? I admit I was not angel in this ordeal.

I had my slip up 3 years ago, you had yours 3 months ago. I got close to a woman for a month and did not fully give her my body, heart, or time. You had a slip up for 6 months with a man that had all of your body, time, and emotions.

I had a women that I never had feelings for, you had a man that "you started to like." I had a woman that I spent 2 nights with, you had a man that you practically lived with for 2 months.

I had a woman that was a friend that I accidentally got too close with, you had a man that you intentionally wanted to replace me with.

I had a woman that I was honest with you about, you had a man that you lied to me about.

I never disliked the man you had, you always hated the woman I had.

I cut my woman off, so you could feel comfortable. Your man cut you off because he was uncomfortable.

You out did me in everyway.

In some ways I think that is exactly what you wanted to do. But it doesn't hurt me anymore, but for some reason it still hurts you.

I guess this is what I meant by we dont love the same. Your idea of love is different than mines. But also my idea of respect, loyalty, and frienship is different than yours. We want different things and it makes sense why we never could be, but I truly respect our differences now.

But looking back, I wonder why you could never admit you had a fling. When I asked you intially about him, you told me he was a friend. And when we talked about it, you even argued with me after I told you I felt like you both were never real friends. Even though from the beginning he disappeared on you, but nonetheless you ignored the red flags and continued talking to him.

I did not understand it then, but it makes sense now why you needed to believe you were friends, regardless of his inability to show up for you emotionally. You needed to believe that the man you gave yourself to actually cared about you, even if he didnt. You needed to believe there was something valuable between you two, even if there wasnt. You needed to believe you were not some foolish woman who would sacrifice everything for nothing.

And of course I was angry with you that you would even give up so much of yourself to him so soon without making him work for anything. You gave your body, your time, your home, your mind, your family, your self respect, and your values. But, the truth is you didnt give him everything. You gave him everything but you.

You never showed him who you really were, you were never fully honest with him, and you never let him see the person behind the mask.

In the last instance when you tried to show him your fragile mental state and show him your stuggles, he left. After drunken sexual passions, endless text, nights spent over, and family gatherings, he wanted nothing to do with you.

After 2 weeks of your instability, he could not deal with your imperfections. But for five and half years I did. When I thought about this I began to feel bad for you, because I realized that you found someone who could like every part of you but you.

If you were friends he would have been there no matter what, if you were friends his main goal would have been to make sure okay, but it wasnt. He selfish only cared about himself. He mismanaged your body, your life, and your emotions.

But he is not the devil either, since your entire relationship with him started out of your own selfishness. In the end, its almost like you both used each other. All of this makes me feel empathy for you.

You wanted someone to make you forget me, but you found someone who made you remember me. You wanted someone to mask your pain, but you found someone that increased it. You wanted someone to love you, but you found someone who would leave you at your worse.

I guess there are many lessons to be learned. I never sat back and thought about how painful all of this is for you. I wish I could just be a friend to you in this moment, but I cant fully since I also need help dealing with this situation.

I am just glad I am learning to have a heart again, that I am getting my pulse back. I am happy that I can even feel compassion for you, because that means a part of my heart is still working. Heartbreak does not have to take your whole heart and I thank you for teaching me this.

[higurehige]

hi hello. been 5000 years since I have been tagged in much. uwu thank you @spadefish in return i slaaap uuuuh @duskdragonxiii @etakeh @vampiremasochist annnd @ponyacci (chose 2 of these based on activity feed but still important non-the-less! I hope you guys are all well even if we are but strangers in this wide blue world. Obvs feel free to ignore if you want to)

1. Are you named after anyone? A country singer. Course no one really thinks of her when they hear my name.

2. When was the last time you cried? Hrmmmm. Iunno probably 2 months ago over cirque du freak book series. I cry over books a lot.

3. Do you have kids? I am the kid. Do the 9 cats in my house count? On a serious note - no and I don't plan to. I have far too many problems and raising a kid would just wind up with me placing at least HALF of those problems on them. No. This curse ends with me. I don't think I'd even feel comfortable helping raise someone elses kid if we were in a relationship.

4. What sports do you play/have you played? I picked up archery recently! That's cool. I don't go as often as I should bc it's a bit expensive...but...yea! Archerys cool. Working on learning both recurve and compound. recurve for funsies and compound for hunting. (I just want an excuse to go sit out in the woods for hours on end doing fuck all and maybe, possibly bringing home some meat too)

5. Do you use sarcasm? Not often. I'm pretty blunt and no matter how hard I try to control myself I end up sounding like that one guy from guardians of the galaxy "Nothing goes over my head. I would catch it"

6. What is the first thing you notice about people? -shrug- Their face? I guess? Or whatever color they're wearing. Maybe their shoes. Idk...I'm terrible at facial recognition so I go ape trying to compensate for this.

7. What's your eye color? Green

8. Scary movies or happy endings? (both good but probably horror lean)

9. Any talents? Depends what you count as a talent. Born with? Insane observational skills? Uh I can eat actual rotten and moldy food and not get sick? Uuuuuuh. Hmmm....I can dilate my pupils at will? I can bend my legs freaky directions but not freaky enough to look like a contortionist. naturally good with animals I guess? Idk, nothing to write home about.

10. Where were you born? South Haven Michigan

11. What are your hobbies? Reading, drawing, writing (lol to both of these), gardening (i live in an apartment so I cant really do like...vegetable gardening but, I got plants! =3), studying various animals (and bugs), studying plants, photography, I come and go out of other hobbies, honestly. Adhd moments of "wow that looks cool" doing it once and never again....I'm trying, chief.

12. Do you have any pets? Avery (black cat), Diva and squeakers (twin solid gray cats), Baguatte (orange boi), Tiny man (gray stripy fella), Shaggy (not really MY cat, he's just some stray but....-sigh- he is sleeping in my house rn so I GUESS. (brother to Tiny man I think. very similar appearances). then there's weasle and skunk. (also cats) Do the assassin bugs i just bought for my garden count as pets? bc I have assassin bugs in my plants now =3

13. How tall are you? 5'4 ish and built like a brick.

14. Favorite subject in school? Didn't have a good time in school, so I hated all of it. Excelled at English and reading classes.

15. Dream job? Biology field. I want to get paid to study animal/insect behaviors and write papers on them. As it is I am just doing this shit for free lol

[nonbinary-sticks-the-badger]

ignore this let me rant about my surge playlist because i really love it

I LOVE THIS PLAYLIST SO MUCH IS SUCH A BANGER PLAYLIST I NEED TO PAINSTAKINGLY EXPLAIN TO YOU WHY I PUT EACH SONG ON IT EVEN IF ITS OBVIOUS

1. PINEAPPLE UPSIDE DOWN QUEEF JERKY, ethan is online

i dont think this majorly fits surge's character (other than the lady gaga meat dress part) but i think she'd probably do covers of queef jerky in universe (provided her life wasnt the way it is)

2. The Mind Electric Miracle Musical

i really love tally hall/miracle musical so um. dont be surprised to find them in a playlist of mine made after i started listening to them. the most commonly accepted theory is that its about someone being given electro shock therapy until they die/lose their mind, which (sort of) fits surge's story!!!

3. Modify Lemon Demon

the song is about extreme body mods. which kinda fits surge i guess.

4. Amnesia Was Her Name Lemon Demon

SHE DOESNT KNOW WHO SHE USED TO BE 🗣️‼️ SHE FORGOT 🗣️‼️

5. People Eater Sodikken

i think this song is meant to be about an abusive relationship??? it only very loosely fits but its a banger and i cant remove it

6. Fighter Jack Stauber

i dont think this song majorly fits either honestly but it can fit if you make it fit

7. ...Because I'm Young Arrogant And Hate Everything You Stand For Machine Girl

i cant hear most of the lyrics theyre screamed BUT I THINK SHE'D LIKE IT!!! also from what i can make out, it does fit

8. Ghost Machine Girl

this song's instrumental so it's entirely just 'well i think she'd listen to it and its a good song'

9. & Tally Hall

this song's about duality which doesnt majorly fit surge but absolutely sounds like something she'd listen to. also, later on in the playlist, there's A Lady which i added 2 months later which is a follow up of &.

10. Turn the Lights Off Tally Hall

urrrr it's about puberty and she's a teenager urrrr ummm

11. Doku Hakushi Hasegawa

this song barely fits BUT it sounds like something she'd like :D

12. SR20DET Blksmiith

instrumental but you CANNOT tell me she doesnt like breakcore and jungle

13. AM FM Vertigoaway

see above

14. Palmtree Panic - "B" Mix SEGA SOUND TEAM

ok so first of all this song actually is from sonic and second of all it sounds like trying to smile while wanting to scream which ig fits

15. Metallic Madness - "P" Mix SEGA SOUND TEAM

again, this is actually from sonic and also it sounds like something vaguely relating to surge

16. Oh Klahoma Jack Stauber

this song is about someone whose friend has social anxiety and they're trying to help them become social, which hurts not only the friend but the narrator themself. while not fully accurate, i could very easily imagine surge as the narrator and kit as the friend

17. Dead Weight Jack Stauber

similarly to oh klahoma, this is about someone who wants to be social but is unsure how. it doesnt really relate to surge but screw you jack stauber is a wonderful artist

18. The Dragon Game A Loud Scream SEGA SOUND TEAM

see 12, however with the addition of 'also its sonic team'

19. icosa Oliver Buckland

WOOHOO YIPPEE ENA!!!! (this song isnt FROM ena, but plays in auction day)

20. anemoia Oliver Buckland

ENAAAAAAAAAAA IM SO EXCITED FOR DREAM BBQ

21. God Race (Temptaion Stairway) Metaroom

ENA AND METAROOM ENA AND METAROOM ENA AND METAROOM

22. Kitty City Cyriak Harris

the animation to go with this has nothing to do with surge but i think the music gives surge vibes! ALSO its instrumental so you cant dispute that

23. Scrap Brain Zone Masato Nakamura

scrap brain zone, both as a song and as a stage, absolutely gives surge vibes. in sonic 1, im pretty sure every stage other than sbz and final zone has some form of natural element, and at the very least has happy sounding music. i also slightly associate scrap brain zone with overwhelming misery, due to the way it sounds, the name and also because when i first played sonic 1 i was stuck on it for ages omg

24. Unused Song (Sonic 2) Masato Nakamura

something about this song, including the fact it wasnt used, feels incredibly mysterious, which i mean you can link mystery to surge in a lot of ways

25. FAMILY GUY QUEEF JERKY, ethan is online

similar to the first one except its only 'i think surge would like queef jerky'. i dont know how you link this song to anything other than family guy.

26. A Lady Tally Hall

i think this surge vaguely fits surge and for some reason i cant help but picture this with surgamy. i mostly added it tho because i got mildly obsessed with it and had an excuse to add it seeing as & is in the playlist earlier

[bukitanukiart]

Solubivnus: a day of chaos

Today has been potentially the most eventful day of my life, so I'm going to hype it up as such.

To preface the story (and title), I live with 5 roommates, and we have a calendar in our kitchen for communal events, and written on today (May 25th) was the phrase "solubivnus atfakoji".

This has been here since the beginning of the month, and frankly, none of us know who wrote it, or what it's supposed to mean/actually say, so for the whole month, we've been hyping up today as a joke, even deciding to have a big dinner as "celebration" for solubivnus.

But starting about a week ago, we've been having issues in our house, mainly the fact that our water heater wasn't working, and any attempts to contact our landlord failed, so today we took our anxious asses over to their residence services to actually help us. Thankfully, they listened to our begging and sent over our saviour: Kyle. Kyle has saved us many times before, we adore this man, I would die for Kyle.  So over Kyle comes in record time and takes a look at the heater and was like “yeah, that’s weird” and calls over a plumber to take a closer look, so off Kyle goes, and about 20ish minutes later, the plumbers come by and just say “oh yeah, Your gas got shut off, call your gas company.” and the 5 of us that were home look at each other because, why is our gas off? we've payed the bill on time since we’ve moved in?  and then we remembered something very important.  remember how our hot water went out about a week ago? yeah, the day before, we had seen a man in our backyard with a jacket that read “Meter reader”. we didn't see him do anything, just the tail end of him being in our yard and going on his merry way. we thought it was weird as fuck, but he didn't do anything so we just ignored it.  except he did do something...

he turned off our gas and we didn't even notice.  so I call the stupid gas company, and say “yo, why is our gas off?” and the poor guy on the other side of the line is like “off? its not, your file says your fine, I can send someone over to check it out though. 45 Road st right?” and I pause. “no” I say “I live at 54 Road st” and there was another pause. “your file says 45″. I feel a sense of dread as I look at my account details. there it was. 45 Road st. “Oh god. have I been paying someone else’s gas bill?” and my man on the other side lets out a small “I think so...” so for almost a year, our dumb asses have been footing a random strangers bill. and you might be thinking, Buki, how the fuck did you not notice this? how come they didn't shut it off 3 months in? well my friend, I live in the north, where its illegal to shut off gas during the cold months as it supplies heating, and wouldn't you know it? our lease started 2 months before the cold months. and so I wait on hold, trying to get this all figured out and eventually get told “we can transfer all your payments to a new account for your correct address and hook you back up to gas, it’ll be done in... around 20 days.” and I'm like “what the fuck, I cannot go without hot water for another 20 days, is there anything you can do?” and then I get put on hold again. 

when I finally hear from this guy again, I'm told “okay yeah, we can hook you back up sometime between 6 - 8 pm tonight, you'll still have to wait for someone to call you in 20 days for the account changes though” and tbh, that's cool man, thats fine, I just cant go a total of a whole month without hot water.  and once I hang up the waiting game is played again. by the time we hear from this guy, we we’re ready to sit down for our solubivnus dinner.  it was 5 min to 8 when we hear a knock, and we think “oh god, its finally over” as this guy hooks our gas back up and sets up our water heater and leaves.  we have a nice dinner, hanging out until 10pm It’s finally over.

except it’s not. we go downstairs and what do we see? our water heater spewing water all over our basement floor. and we panic naturally. so here we are, filling buckets with the coming onslaught of water as I panic call the emergency line for our rental company, and let me tell you that was the longest phone call of my life. finally they say they’ll send someone over, I say “great, please hurry” and not even 10 minutes later our saviour returns. Kyle.  my man Kyle comes to the rescue and turns the water off, looking at the mess to try and figure out what's wrong before calling us another plumber, these ones coming in 45 min. and when they come, what are we told? “yeah, we’ll have to replace the whole thing tomorrow.”  and that's where we are now. 

what an eventful solubivnus.

[buggerzz]

It does just really fucking suck.

Im constantly tearing myself down for this- I cannot keep a friend for more than half a year. They drift away from me and ignore if i try to reach out.

Only once have I actually DONE something, which makes it understandable for them to want to cut contact, and I understand. But every other time, I am met with excuses to leave me behind.

Ive even gotten "oh im just. Trying to limit my friend group!" After a friend of half a year recommended me come to their school and promise to show me around.

The most blatant example Ive had was BAD. This girl who was my closest friend for. Half a year. Asked me to audition into a musical with her. We both get in, its really fun and I think we're both enjoying it!

She starts telling people in front of me that she just doesnt want to be in a show with any of her friends because.... it makes her upset at them. I ask her, hey are you talking about me? Because im the only fucking person that applies to." And she says NO. Which i know is a blatant lie.

...and it was my first ever show. I told her multiple times, asked if she was SURE she wanted to help walk me through the ropes.

And it crumbled from there.

Everything else is the same- I get close with someone and they cant stand me for longer than 6 months. The mask falls and they decide that they dont like me- so they leave. I dont know how to make it stop, or how to get close to people without this happening.

Im actively losing the 2 closest friends ive had for guess how long? Half a year. They just arent talking to me, bringing new people into the group, and phasing me out. It really fucking hurts, but im not really surprised.

But yeah. It fucking sucks.

a bottom-tier autistic experience is being told throughout your entire childhood that you are just an overthinker when it comes to social situations and later finding out that your friends did, in fact, hate being around you and tried to communicate that through weird little hints