#you can't deny that majority of the things i recommend you you end up actually enjoying

[bbybearcubbs]

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[ms-demeanor]

not be suuuuuuper annoying but the concerns raised about aspartame by the WHO are almost entirely regarding its potential carcinogen status and not seizures. specifically, as a "possible" carcinogen, group 2B, which, while very far removed from confirmed carcinogens, becomes a very real concern because some people consume aspartame in very large quantities on a daily basis, like 12 cans of diet coke a day, no problem.

so yes, there's a great deal of ridiculous charlatan-style behavior surrounding aspartame, but that's not really related to the actual research being done. we can't look to rodent studies as the end-all-be-all, and even human observational studies dimly linking cancer to aspartame must be taken with a huge grain of salt, because, again, observational study, but when it comes to super-long-term-consumption of an ingredient and the potential for cancer, it's not unreasonable to evaluate your personal risk tolerance and decide it's not a bad idea to reduce or eliminate aspartame from your diet

tldr (do people still use this term?): the actual concerns about aspartame aren't about sensitivity or seizures and it cannot be conclusively said to be completely safe, but at the same time it's not a huge deal especially if you don't ingest that much of it regularly

sorry for being so annoying about this shit :( <3

So that report came out a year after I had started doing the research so it obviously didn't come up in my original deep dive and the WHO's findings on aspartame as being possibly carcinogenic are pretty much in line with prior recommended limits on aspartame consumption.

I'm not going to deny that there are some people who consume 12 cans of diet sodas a day, but I do want to point out that people who are consuming 12 cans of diet soda are drinking more than a gallon of soda each day. This is a tiny number of consumers (the vast majority of consumers drink 16oz or less a day of *any* kind of soda, diet or otherwise). At that point you don't just need to worry about the aspartame, you need to worry about what that's doing to your sodium intake as a much more proven risk (12 cans of diet coke a day gives you about half a gram more salt than would otherwise be in your diet), or be concerned about the possible connection between artificial sweeteners and metabolic syndrome.

And I really just cannot emphasize enough that the vast, vast majority of people aren't consuming more than 5 cans of diet soda daily, let alone 10 - aspartame consumption among people who use aspartame is in the 5-13mg/kg range, not in the 40-50mg/kg range except for a few very rare cases.

Humans are bad at risk assessment. People look at the IARC reclassification and look at their own (typically very small) aspartame consumption, and will stop drinking diet drinks (and will often tell other people to stop drinking diet drinks).

Drinking somewhere in the neighborhood of a gallon of diet soda each day is possibly carcinogenic, or at the very least *not provably not cancer-causing* and people have been talking about it and writing thinkpieces about it and the anti-aspartame crew has been insufferable about it since July made.

So what has happened here is that a very reasonable organization has made a very reasonable category change to a chemical that switched it from "known not to cause cancer" to "not known to not cause cancer" and the anti-aspartame crew has continued to list cancer, and neurological problems, and seizures, and a whole host of other things as the results of aspartame consumption.

And, like, I'm not calling these people charlatans for this paper but jesus christ:

Actually maybe I am going to call these people charlatans. This all links back to the "aspartame metabolizes as formaldehyde and poisons you" thing (which a lot of the extremely suspect research on aspartame does).

People are *absolutely* still doing research into the more absurd claims of anti-aspartame activists. This paper was published *this month* (and relies on the self-reported memories of mothers of autistic children to recall how much aspartame they consumed during pregnancy, which is not going to be a *great* set of data to analyze)

But anyway, before I go down that rabbit hole, let's get back to cancer and cancer risk. It is, of course, totally okay for you to look at the designation of aspartame as a 2B substance and decide that you don't want to use aspartame anymore, that you think it's too much of a risk.

You know what's in IARC category 2A, or probably carcinogenic to humans?

Drinking hot tea. Or coffee. Or water. Or cocoa.

Drinking liquid over 65 degrees Celsius/ 149 degrees fahrenheit is biologically plausible as a cause of cell damage that may lead to cancer. There is more evidence of this connection than the connection between aspartame and cancer.

You know what we called 150 degrees when I was working at the coffee shop? Kid hot. Because that's how hot you can make hot cocoa for kids so it is warm enough to be hot cocoa but won't burn their tongues. If you serve most adults coffee or tea at 150 degrees they'll consider it cold (or at least not as hot as a hot drink should be). Starbucks doesn't serve hot coffee at under 165F and if you ask for extra hot it'll be closer to 180.

The IARC report listing hot beverages as category 2A means that it's not unreasonable to evaluate your personal risk tolerance and decide it's not a bad idea to reduce or eliminate liquids over 65C from your diet.

But nobody is doing that.

Basically more research needs to be done on everything and you're not being annoying, the way that human brains work and assess risk and set up phantoms to get scared of even when there are much bigger and realer risks (like consuming any amount of alcohol on a regular basis) that people are perfectly willing to overlook.

It's like being afraid of plane crashes but cheerfully getting in your car for a 20 mile daily commute with no concerns or worries because it's something you do every day.

Brains! They're annoying!

[mdhwrites]

Going back through TOH's episodes, it strikes me how boring they are. Part of the problem seems to be how criminally unfunny the show is, generally speaking. I can count how many times I've laughed on one hand. In fact I can list them:

There was the "It's been my dream since I was a boy" guy pushing kids off cliffs (Moving Hassle), Luz's "He'll be fine" after throwing Hunter overboard - and then his subsequent re-entry (Hunting Palismen) - and lastly Luz tumbling offscreen in front of Amity after a spider crawls on her face (Grom). That's 3 scenes, 4 jokes if we're being charitable. And sure, maybe my sense of humour is just incompatible with TOH's and I'm being harsh.

But I can't deny that I just feel like there's no rewatch value in TOH? Like it's just... the jokes are so bad to the point it's not fun, it's not entertaining, it's a slog, I see no value in retreading the same ground. And I am a SERIAL rewatcher! This is coming from someone who spends maybe 85% of their time experiencing the same stories! I love seeing well-done media all over again, because even if I know what's going to happen or what they will say, a well-structured joke or a skillfully delivered line is still gonna engage me.

I can't even recommend the show to anyone because I HAVE in the past... and what ends up happening is they watch the first couple episodes, get bored, go "I recognize that you like this, but it's not my thing" and drop it. And I CAN'T BLAME THAT! Because that's how I reacted too when I got into the show! I only stuck with it because it seemed like it was going really interesting places. And it tried to, I think, and failed.

I'm also a very fandom-heavy person so TOH's boring episodes have made it increasingly harder for me to stay within it. Because I'm not rewatching anything, I can see myself in real time as I forget more and more of the plotlines, and even a lot of the characters. It's just... kind of disappointing. It's like I just had a gradual fizzling out of interest. I don't even hate the show, which might be better in some ways - instead I just can't muster enough shits to feel any type of way towards it.

I rambled a bit but I guess my ultimate ask here was: what are your thoughts on whether or not TOH manages to entertain new/old viewers?

So I like S1. I think the characters are what carry it and that they are at their most interesting, EASILY, in S1.

The vast majority of S1, in terms of concepts and executions for plots, is OKAY AT BEST.

This actually just comes down to a simple tonal decision of TOH and also just the fact that a boring world with boring magic creates little to do with bog standard plots and TOH actually has a LOT of bog standard plotting. It is a pretty classic story structurally and takes genuinely very few risks in the structure... Which is okay in theory.

There is nothing wrong with not reinventing the wheel and TOH talks a big game about subverting tropes but no. As a fantasy fan, I can tell you this is EXCEPTIONALLY normal. Like... Insultingly from how much it talks a big game. Especially because if you're going to do classic, you have three options: Shoot the moon, lean into the unique elements of your concept or do it VERY. VERY. WELL.

And remember: They did a body swap episode and it is one of the most hated episodes of the entire show. That's not a good sign.

But this touches on the second problem I brought up: This is a boring world with boring magic. Because TOH's fantasy world is so basic, has little magic and little flair with its magic, it inherently limits what it can do. Now, it doesn't have to be this way but the show made it this way with how little we see of it, how limited it is (like how plant magic is 99% vines), and how often it just blatantly makes one to one comparisons between it and our world with effectively NOTHING altered like how the covens are just jobs, right down to them being introduced through a job fair and a boring one at that.

So when we look at a classic episode concept like the body swap episode, the three plots are... Easily replicated elsewhere. One person gets in trouble in the swap's job because they don't know what they're doing (with the most unique twist of this actually landing them in prison), a classic animal plot where they're taken in by a place that seems cozy and then isn't with literally no changes, and finally... Teenager pisses off bullies and agrees to jump DEAD MAN'S GORGE! But instead of skateboards and people really building it up, its rat beasts.

None of these plots are actually bad, they're go tos for a reason, but... No one is bringing anything special to this. Luz is entirely ignored so her character may as well not matter, Eda is doing NOTHING to add to her plot and King... King is fun for about two minutes leading the bullies and otherwise is just any other character in this situation. It's not bad, I personally enjoy parts of the episode... But it's nothing special. From the second the thing that X character is going to do is revealed, you can guess every step of the plot and they don't even really throw in good jokes in the process. A couple jokes but nothing memorable because everything is weirdly subdued compared to how other shows would be, even in an episode that is definitely trying to be more over the top.

And this runs into the inherent tonal issue of TOH: It doesn't want to be an adventure comedy. Those are genres that are commonly really over the top. They hear jump the shark and go "How about a shark jumping ten other sharks in order to finish making a can of tuna for their fire giant overlord?" And the face of this fact, in that the genres it pitches itself as for the first two episodes!

TOH flatly refuses to be silly and over the top. It's characters are very... 'realistic'. I don't mean real, just that they're meant to feel more mature by being more in control. They don't let them interrupt each other for a joke, they don't let a character be potentially OOC for a one off gag like Hop Pop screaming "EAT THE RICH!" or Sprig asking "Have you ever killed a a man, Hop Pop," and I can only think of one time Luz got mad for the sake of a joke and honestly, yelling about the Rusty Smidge barely comes across as a joke because of how genuine the anger feels after a point. Otherwise, stuff that would normally get exaggerated frustration or the like to at least let you laugh at the reaction just... doesn't get one, like how Luz yells about Luzura being killed off but then... Just walks off and is passive aggressive mostly instead of even exasperated. For a drama or romance, this is not a bad approach but for even just an adventure kid's show... It's not great to put it mildly because people meet odd situations with weird levels of nonchalance. Not quite irony poisoned levels but getting there.

It's why TOH is mostly remembered for the romance and drama episodes. Not only do they allow some of the romance scenes to actually include melodrama, they also just fit how the characters act better. It's why Amity has some of the biggest emotions of the series and why Lumity have such great lines between each other because they're actually willing to lean into the sort of genre fiction that they're doing. This is also why S2 works better than S1 because a lot of the pretense of being a comedy adventure gets dropped but like... There's still plenty of boring in S2 with stuff like how Elsewhere Elsewhen takes time travel and includes a couple jokes at the beginning and then is just... horribly bland and barely qualifies as an adventure.

This lack of allowing people to be emotional and jokey also leads to the reliance on comic relief characters. People like Gus, King or Hooty, or S2 Lilith, who the characters can mock in someway, including the writers. Characters who can be the punchline even if it means a lot of people come off a lot meaner than they should, i.e. Luz absolutely rejecting Hooty for the vast majority of the series despite supposedly liking the weird and rejected. That also means that most of the time they're not on screen, either the scene starts getting pretty dry or you have a character suddenly warp to be comic relief, like how Eda gets in some S2 episodes like Elsewhere Elsewhen or Eclipse Lake where suddenly she's MUCH more of a joke than she normally is and also REALLY bad at it too and seeming potentially brain dead for it. Thanks to Them even does this to Amity even though she is probably the last person in the cast to make sense as a sudden clutz.

All of this stuff makes it so that if you go in wanting a kid's show, a fantasy show, ANYTHING that is pitched in the first episode... S1 is going to be just okay to you. I enjoyed it... But I also fell off when I first watched it. I thought the characters were good but none of it stuck with me as actually memorable and I watched until I think Adventure in the Elements. I never was never compelled to come back until Lumity animations (literally THE Little Miss Perfect animatic that is nowadays probably hard to find actually) made me go "I remember this show being neat." And Lumity was what kept me, not because I was generally laughing or calling these episodes something special. In fact, that sense of unsatisfaction is probably why I watched through it faster than Amphibia. No one episode of TOH is really great to watch on its own because... It's just kind of boring, or like half of it is boring because the B plots across the board are SO BLAND. S1 or 2 for that matter since Lumity starts getting boring B plots like with the archives or finding out the author of Azura. Both concepts btw that could have been really interesting setups and instead... If you're not into blushing Amity, get FUUUUUCKED.

That's without getting into REPETITION. Repetition kills comedy so King having one joke for S1 and also taking up like half of the B plots for the first ten episodes means you are going to be in agony eventually anytime someone talks to him because you know where it's going and you have DEFINITELY heard this joke before. And you know, he also gets three repetitive B plots which just hurts the joke even more, even as they try to make twists on it, and hurts the feeling that the show is doing... Anything..

It's just not good. Which is probably why once the characters and the 'subversive/unique' elements of the show both weakened, more and more people left because... Why would you keep watching this then? Those elements are what made up for boring plots with boring execution in a world that didn't allow for more interesting storytelling because it had few ideas and expanded on NONE OF THEM. So of course people pitch it using the elements that say "this isn't like other kids shows/fantasy shows" because if you pitch it to people who like those... They'll just be disappointed eventually and bored quickly. Like i think a lot of people did to be quite honest.

And a lack of creativity, and a lack of genre understanding, isn't something time could have ever fixed.

======+++++======

The short version of proving this point btw is going "Compare Bumi's introductory episode, which is a character giving three trials to prove another's worth, versus when the Bat Queen challenges Luz. One is exceptionally funny, interesting and has genuinely interesting twists while the other is... There. So very there. Painfully just... there. Not even bad, just... There.

Also, yes, comedy is extremely subjective which is why I tried to talk more about how a lot of these premises are boring because that can be a bit more objective.

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past.

I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead.

If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[egg-emperor]

Your analysis has been really interesting to read through, but ngl the whole mess around text interpretation has led me to ruminate on the fandom's doings a little. This probably will turn into disjointed ramblings, so please bear with me.

What I think is causing this cognitive dissonance is exactly that cutesy framing of some of Eggman and Sage's moments. Like, I don't believe that Sage was intentionally made to soften Eggman up or something, I believe that he can play the "family" act to keep her loyal to him. However, I won't deny that during my watch of a friend playing it, this specific framing left a slightly weird aftertaste, which I now see is what can easily cause so many misinterpretations of the scenes. Like, for example, the memo with Sage's pronouns. After seeing a lot of talk around the memos in general, what seems to throw people off from thinking that Eggman could be just using this as yet another play into her view of him as her father to keep her loyal is "why does he suddenly care about endearing himself to his own creation when he freely disregarded his previous creations". It can be interpreted in character, but there's just a smidge of off-ness that can be hard to wash out for some.

Not gonna lie, I kinda envy the ability of people like to at least mostly ignore the majority of the fandom's shenanigans and drama, cause I think that also plays a part imo, specifically this weird need to somehow ingratiate Sonic as a series to the mainstream, generally non-fan crowd. Like, the onus obviously should be on the people who misinterpret the text and see what's not there, yet these people also tend to be the loudest. And most non-fans seeing it just assume that's what the fandom as a whole thinks, and that's what the text actually is about. After all, nowadays Sonic is all but advertised as "its a kids game for babies so don't think about the story too much, it doesnt make sense in the end anyway", even by fans trying to genuinely recommend the series sometimes. And you'd think that there'd be pushback against this sort of mentality, but somehow, a majority of the Sonic fandom remains almost... defeatist? Like, either they can't argue to save their lives or just passively accept the misinformation. The people actually doing the analysis and all get disregarded as no-life nerds and are told that "no amount of analysis can make a product worth the money".

It's just... I dunno how or why or when it all started going like this, but at some point, the way people talked about media in general just caused immensely screwed. Discussions only seem to happen when someone wants to further validate their pre-established biases about a thing and it all just feels wrong.

Thank you, I appreciate you taking the time to read and consider my analysis.

We seem to feel quite similarly. I'm not a fan of the cutesy framing of certain moments because it's not my thing and definitely makes it easier for fans to misinterpret. The casual fan, especially if they don't catch all context in the memos and apply them to the scenes to notice the undertones and understand Eggman's side of the dynamic, or if they're the kind who that stuff can appeal to and affect emotionally/they'd rather ignore the more unsettling aspects in discomfort, they're going to get it wrong.

I think the cutscenes mostly have the issue of focusing too much on Sage's side of the dynamic over Eggman's. A bunch of most important details of Eggman's side comes from the memos, which is great from the standpoint of being right from his personal perspective and words, so we get to know exactly how he thinks and feels- but not so great for those who won't listen or piece together what they learned from them with the scenes for needed context.

But Sage wasn't supposed to soften Eggman up. In the story he's still a bad guy wanting to do bad, wishing he could get out of Cyber Space to, and Sage appeals because of what she can do for him, how she's crucial to his survival, supports his desire for world domination and shows undying loyalty. The way some moments are framed as cute doesn't take away from it, a unhealthy dynamic can appear as cute and wholesome with unsettling undertones.

Ian Flynn pretty much describes it that way by saying you're supposed to feel happy for Sage but Eggman is a bad person and warming up to it for all the wrong reasons. It's intentionally more complex than what the loudest people who love and hate it are saying. I can see what Flynn means because all the pieces are there in the actual game for me to point out and analyze. They just could've been emphasized a bit more.

All you need is the memo where he talks about liking how Sage is loyal and efficient and accepting the father role because it can emphasize his genius and the pride he can take as her creator, then apply it to every interaction and you can see it. Eggman can play the act to appeal to Sage's desire for that dynamic and praise her actions as a way to further encourage her for her loyalty and efficiency, all for those selfish benefits.

It's how manipulation works and Eggman absolutely can and will play up the part with these conditions for the benefits, he's done similarly in the past. It's intentionally not done in the common verbal and physical abns!ve way like he does most commonly with his other creations, it's more emotionally manipulative. It makes the most sense for how he wants to further encourage her good work and loyalty, not lose it.

I can get why you felt that way. It's part of why I had the wrong idea of Frontiers Eggman's at first and it ruined my first experience playing it. The cute framing of certain moments, combined with fans taking these scenes and latching onto the misinterpretations from the moment it dropped and drilling into your head how they think we should think and feel while ignoring key details that disprove it, made me believe it for too long.

But had I not seen the misinterpretation and paid attention and did my usual analysis, which I closed my mind to in my first playthrough in ignorance, I would've caught on a lot faster. Just like how knowing what I know now after properly analyzing it then going into Final Horizon and avoiding what fandom was saying, made my experience more pleasant and let me think and interpret for myself. The fandom is still mostly to blame.

Yeah, the cute moments can give the wrong idea when you don't have all the context. But the context is in the game to piece together and understand why it's happening in a way that works for Eggman's character. I also think while he is of course playing the act, it's also framed cute as it is because we're seeing it more from Sage's side in the scenes, as it's a very different vibe in the memos where it's actually Eggman's side.

Maybe always being able to see the worst in Eggman (positively and affectionately lol 🥰💜) helps but I only see the memos as unsettling now. His creation starts to appear as more of a person to him so he thinks about how he can use it to his benefit by taking pride in his impressive scientific ability to create something so life-like as an artificial creation over the unimpressive traditional organic way he scoffs at and expresses aversion to.

He says if he created life it'd be "loyal and perfectly effective", which is fucked up thing to look for in your child, and says it's specifically because he's the genius creator/father, giving himself all credit and taking pride in her accomplishments as a reflection of his genius. It's selfish, egotistical, creepy, everything a parent shouldn't do. I can see what makes it unsettling in all his words. So many things are wrong with him I love it 😋💘

I really don't have much of an issue with that memo. It's one of the most misinterpreted but it's simply where he starts to realize that almost the whole time he's been calling her a "she" instead of an "it" like the program she was created to be. He actually starts just five after first mentioning her, in memo 13. He subconsciously sees her as a person and refers to her like such that fast due to how human and life-like she is.

Three memos after he's like wait why am I calling it a she? And wonders whether to call her an it like the program she was created to be or a she like he's seeing her as instead. Then another three after comes the disturbing memo about him creating life, so him establishing whether he's going to call her "she" or not leads to him thinking about how he can take pride and credit in her by establishing himself as her genius creator/father.

It's another of those cases where if context is removed it's more likely for people to get the wrong idea, especially if they're the type to be blinded by the cuteness factor but when you have the context of before and after and considering the important terms of why he values her at all with the she's an impressive life-like loyal and efficient creation and her dad is a genius memo, again it makes sense and is in character.

The "she's the best" line is one of the only parts I'd change, he's far too egotistical to say that about anyone else. It doesn't make sense because the whole reason he values her is what she does for him and the pride he can take in her, literally because he sees himself as the best person ever lol. Just specifying what she's the best of, like of his creations or something would've worked, not making it sound like he's saying in general.

But guess what? Apparently it was changed in Japanese in the translation I saw, to say she was just doing great or something lol. It's a case where I can make sense of it in English as her being the best in a specific area can again give himself credit as the creator as he's intentionally supposed to but the word choice was poor. But every time I felt a line should've been changed a bit, the Japanese version had me covered. XD

Back to the point- it's also important to consider that he's praising her in this memo with the important preface of saying that Sage has been crucial to his survival in Cyber Space and listing the ways she has served him well. It's on the condition of him getting something out of it every time. And in memo 19 we know he wants to take pride in her skill and accomplishments and take credit as her creator, so any praise is self praise.

So I can't be mad at the game, I think even in moments that had some level of cuteness factor to appeal to those into that which certainly worked on them, there was established context that made it work and in character, enough to piece it together and understand it. But some people's minds go blank with the "aww so cute" reaction and desire for it to be simply pure and wholesome so they don't think about it any more to do so.

I've been learning to avoid it just by stepping back from fandom because I'm less interested the more I see the drama and bad takes. Now I only see things if I'm forcibly subjected through someone else putting it on my dash/it's recommended/etc. A large majority of fandom is anti canon and literally admit it so I feel like I don't belong in it as a huge fan of it that enjoys celebrating it in my fan creations and discussions.

It suffers from the simplification and sanitization that modern fandom tends to do now, so they can fit all characters and stories into certain boxes and use them as bases to project fan character traits and concepts onto instead of celebrating canon. It makes it more appealing and mainstream and easier to consume by the crowd that stuff succeeds in appealing to. It's to the point it replaces people's memory/idea of it.

So of course from the outside looking in especially, non fans are going to believe that's what the text actually contains, especially since they get exposure to the fandom's twisting of canon and it's drilled into their heads how to think and feel about it by them, before they've even seen the games themselves. Then they find it hard to shut that out and look at the games alone for what they are. That happened to me with Frontiers.

Then of course you have people acting like the series "is just for babies and inconsistent and not good anyway you shouldn't think too hard about it", as if Sega JP especially haven't shown themselves to be incredibly passionate about the stories and characters they write. It is supposed to be that deep lol. And thinking that deeply is a good thing, as if it's better than just shutting our minds off and consume product.

That's why I've allowed myself to think as deeply as I want about Frontiers. I love analyzing every moment and line down to the last word and detail. Regardless of opinion on the concepts and how they were executed, it was intended to be thought about. I don't think it should be considered micro analyzing and thinking too hard about something ever. I'm looking at it in ways official writers have described it to be anyway.

The mentality is popular so there isn't much pushback. Plus I'm starting to see it in both people who say they don't like the games and those who say they're fans so I feel alienated for wanting to think deeper and seeing there can be more than meets the eye with characters and scenes. While clarification can be important so things aren't misinterpreted quite as easily, it's nice for there to be stuff to think about.

Nobody really wants to debate and discuss now. A majority intentionally oppose learning more about the media or hearing out other people. They take the challenging of one's perspective or a disagreement as an argument and act like it's intended as hate from the other person when that's not the case. They're like "I don't want to change my opinion, nobody can convince me, let me enjoy things how I want", etc.

I myself was a bit ignorant at first on the topic of Frontiers. I was convinced I didn't like Eggman's portrayal but it was all based on what fandom was telling me it was and how to feel when the actual game was actually way different. When I finally took suggestions of new perspectives, then shut fandom out and focused solely on canon with my mind open and willing to analyze it again, I saw it in a new light and enjoyed it.

Now some certainly think I'm a low life nerd, as I've been told "it's nice to be a fan until it "becomes serious" and by people saying they don't care what I have to say as if I have to do exactly what they want- because it's bad to be passionate and wanting to think deeply about something I guess. :P I'd rather be doing that than shutting it down. Canon is cool, analysis is good, being passionate and thinking about stuff is fun.

You really hit the nail on the head with that. I've always enjoyed being open minded, analyzing media carefully, hearing out different perspectives, and having discussions. But I made the mistake myself at one point with Frontiers and I regret it because as soon as I realized I almost became what I was against and changed it for the better, it became a lot more enjoyable again. It's always good to stay open minded!

[fzzr]

Onegai☆Teacher More Than Holds Up

Onegai☆Teacher (Please☆Teacher, and from now on I'm not pasting the ☆) is a 2002 anime about a guy who marries an alien. Yes, another one. Also, she's his teacher. A show like that doesn't seem like something with much to hold up, but when I watched it back in the noughts I gave it an 8/10. I re-watched it recently with the intent to correct the record, to deliberately spoil my memory and see it with adult eyes. Bad news: I like it even better now.

You've heard it before. A 15-year-old guy runs into an alien babe and they need to be married now. In this case, the guy is Kei Kusanagi and the alien babe is his teacher and next-door neighbor, Mizuho Kazami. After a teleporter accident leaves them in a compromising situation, some quick thinking leads to them getting married so they don't get fired and expelled. This is made possible because Kei is legally 18 years old, having spent three years in a state of hibernation caused by a medical condition called "standstill". Despite the "of convenience" nature of the marriage, he still gets kicked out to live with her so that his uncle and aunt can have more "quality time" with each other.

Although all the signs point toward this being a teacher play ecchi show, they don't actually play that up as much as you would think. In fact, right when you think the obstacles to lewdness have been cleared away and it's time for a beach episode, surprise! This show has a plot and there's plot happening and it even happens to characters other than the principal protagonists. The core group of students each have their own things going on, and those things mostly get appropriate screentime and tie into the other relationships.

Without going into the details, the majority of the series takes a quite serious look at balancing your own feelings against others when there's simply no way for everyone to get what they want. The number one problem everyone in Onegai Teacher faces is allowing fear of pain - theirs or others - to pin them in place.

There are still some shenanigans. Urusei Yatsura references are made where appropriate. Sometimes things go wrong for no reason. But important things only go wrong for important reasons. Onegai Teacher manages to weave the shenaniganery of a saucy romcom through an emotional story without the two interfering.

OK but the whole "teacher" thing...

Yes, it's a problem if you're not into that. It actually gets more acute toward the end. The biggest strike against this show is in the title. The thing is, I don't care. It doesn't impede the core themes or messages at all. This isn't a show about a dude and his hot teacher-wife. It's about the things that keep people from being with the people they want to be with, both internal and external. It's about not getting trapped in the past or in your own head, and moving forward even when it means facing or doing things that may be painful.

Conclusion

Score: I can't believe I'm saying this, but Onegai☆Teacher is a 9/10. It doesn't make sense to me either, but I can't deny it. It's funny, it's emotional, it has something to say, and it does it all in 12 episodes. The music is good, the characters are solidly realized and layered, and the plot follows all the rules of good writing (if not good taste).

Recommendation: Out of all the shows I have rated 9/10, this is the second hardest to recommend. (Monogatari is the hardest.) If you can get over the hump of the whole teacher thing (or if you're into it) I think this is worth a watch. I must give content advisories against: underage alcohol use and sex under the influence, suicide, and (in case you missed it somehow) age differences outside the xkcd #314 guidelines.

Comparisons

Tonikaku Kawaii is about a guy who marries an alien. Yes, another one. Also, she's Princess Kaguya. Tonikawa is not about the challenges of building a happy relationship, it's about the rewards. If you just turn in your paperwork that cute girl's hand can be all-you-can-hold. There are challenges, of course - both Tonikawa and Onegai Teacher have a possessive little sister character who objects to the marriage for example - but in Tonikawa it's all about building up a life together and learning to love the other person more and more. Onegai Teacher takes a bolder look at the ways things can and do go wrong, and how you can't back down from those challenges.

I also went back to re-watch Onegai☆Twins, another show in the same setting that shares some characters. That one... did not hold up. The biggest offender was the whole "let's make sure he's not gay" episode, but generally it doesn't have as much to say and pulls three too many bad twist fakeouts. It does still have the same willingness to push the line, it just does it in ways that I don't think are justified. It's also less kind to its characters.

Final Thoughts

Since I started this kick of re-watching old shows last year, this was the first time something I expected to go down in score went so significantly up instead. Maybe I should give more things that I suspect won't hold up another chance. Kaminomi, anyone?

[quantomeno]

I was running low on books and I keep forgetting to go to the library or can't be bothered buying more so I decided to reread a book series I read when I was 12. Back then I just ploughed through without properly reading. (it got a bit tiresome to read for whatever reason but I didn't want to not read it.

I really did not read it properly. I just finished book two and I remembered like, the first chapter and pretty much nothing else. Book 1 I had a lot more distinct memories of though and I remember a few things from book 3.

Anyway, the series is Monster Blood Tattoo by D M Cornish.

It's a decent set of books, but part of the reason I persisted with them as a kid was because the art is just so gorgeous.

I may or may not have a crush on Europe (yes her name is the same as the continent, but there's no Europe (the continent) in the story and it's not even close to being the weirdest name in the book). Whenever she appears in the story I am happier.

I can see why I found it a slog as a child though. The fantasy world Cornish has made up is a little needlessly elaborate (why must he have five synonyms for everything plus contractions and slang words). Though, I can't deny that it does feel alive and real due to this complexity. You are left wanting to know more about the rest of the world.

Story-wise though, it can also be rather dull. It's like, there's nothing really causing any major, overarching tension to propel the plot. On the other hand, Cornish does a good job of keeping you interested by putting the characters into a lot of immediately dangerous situations. Book 2 fixes this a bit, but even when there's a lurking threat in the background, it sort of just gets put into the 'we can't do anything about it now' basket and ignored for a while.

Actually, there sort of is an overarching tension, but it's only subtly hinted to early on. It's the focus of a major reveal at the end of book 2 and while I'd forgotten it when I started my re-read I instantly remembered it at the first hint of it in book 1, and it's hinted to quite nicely throughout.

The book depends a bit on you liking Rossamund enough to keep with it, and while I won't say I was bored on this read, I do have to say he's not the most engaging of protagonists.

I don't quite know if I would recommend it, but I also wouldn't discourage reading it. It's a very well-thought out fantasy world with a number of fun characters. Honestly I would read it just because of Europe.

[boltstuck]

I'm adding in here as someone who, like the OP, has played both Indie systems and DnD and who has re-skinned DnD itself for custom games;

The issue isn't wanting that sword slashing fantasy adventure and refusing to try and find it elsewhere.

It's that every single ttrpg system provides a distinctly different gaming experience because of the core mechanics and sometimes that difference is so extreme, it can't even be classified as an equivalent game. It's frustrating to be wanting that particular experience and have everyone keep telling you to try something TOTALLY different like it's the same thing.

I have a similar issue with all those "read these cool Young Adult fantasy instead of that one shitty one" lists. They'll recommend Diane Duane's Young Wizards series, which is vastly superior to HP in every way, but is also such a WILDLY different reading experience that I get mad when it's presented as equivalent just because it's got teenager wizards.

Even if the majority of indie games weren't actively trying to not be DnD -- and they are -- I think every creative work results in a unique experience because everyone is looking for something different out of it.

For example, one of the ttrpg systems I've used is FATE. If I really wanted to, I could build a name-replaced replica of the DnD setting in FATE and leave WoTC in the dust. If I end up finding that as gratifying as playing actual DnD, it's because I was able to recreate the specific thing that drew me to DnD in the first place.

One of the core mechanics of FATE is that your character can pull shit like "since my character is Gifted With Machines, I'm going to say they had a screwdriver on them the whole time". This is possible because FATE prioritizes character concepts above things like a fixed inventory.

This would not fly in DnD (unless you've got a super permissive DM). Either your character started out the game with a screwdriver in their inventory, or there was an in-game scene where your character bought one.

I love this specific FATE mechanic, but I've read discussions between players who found it ruined their gaming experience. Being able to pull a scene-saving item or skill out of your ass felt unfair and dishonest to players who liked clearly defined rules and it lowered the stakes too much for players who wanted a certain risk of failure.

These players could NOT re-create the specific experience that drew them to DnD in FATE because a core mechanic of the system wouldn't allow it. It'd be borderline dishonest to keep insisting that FATE is a reasonable replacement for DnD, because for those players, it's not.

And that's the thing. It's entirely possible that if you decide to avoid a piece of entertainment for moral reasons, you'll NEVER find an equivalent experience elsewhere. You're just denied it forever. I think we do a disservice to people when we act like there's never any sacrifice in giving up something you loved and you're just being a pansy who refuses to try anything different when you express frustration about it.

ive been a halfhearted dnd defender for a minute, bc i was really involved in indie ttrpg twitter for a while and I Am Not Anymore because frankly. it just got too hostile and crab bucket-y. a lot of people acting like critical role or dimension 20 were opposing them by playing a game that had widespread brand recognition (and also getting mad whenever critrole played something OTHER than dnd. i haven't forgotten how hostile everyone i knew in that scene was when critrole played monster hearts. like what do you want??) or like people who play dnd are popular jocks and people who play indie games are bullied nerds. when actually we're all nerds. nobody is cool here.

and i would especially get frustrated when people would recommend games to play instead of dnd that are not at all a comparable experience, or didnt have the same things people liked in dnd. sure, you could play Masks if you want to play a superhero game instead of just reskinning DnD, but Masks is about teens, and the fact that you're playing as teens is core to the mechanics, so it's not a good suggestion for someone who wants to play as adult superheroes. sure you can suggest someone play Blades in the Dark if they want to play a heist team, but BitD is incredibly punishing! every time ive played it, it felt almost impossible to get a full success at anything. that can be fun, if that's the kind of game you want, but if i want to play a game where i feel cool and like im good at things, then BitD is not a good replacement! I cant tell you how many times I've seen people say that you don't need to just reskin dnd when there are games that are more specifically tailored to the experience you want, and then in the same breath act like the games they're suggesting ARENT specific actually and can be used to craft any kind of experience you want. Is the genre baked into the mechanics, or isnt it? because it cant be both!

and thats not even getting into when people would suggest replacements that aren't even close. a lot of "dnd sucks nobody should ever play dnd. instead of dnd, why don't you play MY game, where youre a couple thats getting married in 2 months and you're still planning your wedding?" like... why would i play that instead of dnd, if i want to play dnd? those have nothing in common, beyond the fact that theyre both tabletop games. it's like saying "Instead of watching Star Wars, you should watch Get Out!" sure, they're both MOVIES, and Get Out is GOOD, but i think to suggest that someone who wants to watch Star Wars would have an equal if not better experience watching Get Out instead devalues both. They're not interchangeable because they're trying to do entirely different things

So I would get incredibly frustrated when people acted like people who were choosing to play DnD were just making a mistake, and that they couldn't possibly be getting anything out of playing that game specifically

ALL THAT BEING SAID wizards of the coast sucks ass and they can clean my balls. they should get put in the stocks and i should get to pelt them with tomatoes. i like playing in the sword and sorcery fantasy setting, and dnd was always my go-to game for that because Dungeon World is the worst game I've ever played (i can think of one or two other games in the same sort of setting, but i haven't tried them or met anyone willing to run them) but ah well. WotC can eat shit for this copyright bullshit

[multicarinata]

finished ofmd here's the usual me tearing it apart with my teeth <3

it was boring 🙄 fun set of characters but when the PREMISE is "idk they're all hanging around until something happens to them" what little plot is there starts to feel contrived. most of the character development was stretched out over so much time it became diluted. they didn't even have gore this is SUCH a demographic complaint but i was promised killing and violence

- mainly i think it had serious genre indecision and ended up in a flat space between marital drama and romcom, where it just reenacted domestic couple life for four hours in a pirate-themed room. this locked all the non-captain characters into the same style where very little was allowed to happen- see the vast amt of setup for jim's revenge quest until they just stop and leave and go back. the show averaged about 1.5 good jokes per 30 min episode and the rest was quips and moments that were giffable rather than substantial ykwim

- a LOT of what you'd think would be major plot and emotional beats were conducted off-screen (latter half of spanish jackie again. deciding 2 leave post-chauncey. etc) and they don't keep track of ship navigation which made any time that a person ended up in a place really confusing. are they near a shore or not? are they amidst islands? the ship and sea look the same so viewers cannot tell until they say sth. these both contributed to a sense of confusion as to what was happening at any given time, which made it more abrupt whenever plot re: the english appeared

- main reason I like izzy is that he's the Only character who legitimately knows what he wants. & he's consistent to it, he makes things happen to the point that the show had to use him to get an explicable plot for its second half... literally keeps resorting to aggressive measures and i do love that his response to stede evolves throughout the show. there were very few lasting consequences for anything in this season (e10 excepted) and throwing him off the ship was the closest we got to anyone important dying so what he did afterwards is sooo defensible in terms of "getting sth done" i <3 men who are not great

- i can't criticize the swordfighting because there fucking WASN'T ANY actually no I do want to complain abt the duel. it opens with stede getting hit in the face (really good. awesome. accurate) and the show references non-traditional fighting constantly (the teeth from ep1) and then it just stops having that be part of the fight? mans pinned to a wall and his not getting beaten to a pulp immediately raises some questions about izzy that run against the paragraph above. it wouldve been really easy to say his other hand got hit in the meantime or w/e or have his sword break immediately but they Had to fit in that exposition and just have izzy stand around doing nothing

- I'm giving every member of the crew a little kiss on the lips

- could not really be assed about stede :( he ends the season the same way he started out except he's in gay love and his crew like him. he IS a pathetic rich boy and the show seems to want viewers to deny that while making it a really concise descriptor of his character

- THAT SAID it was fun I had a pretty okay time watching. would not recommend it as a pirate show or anything interesting but if you want to see a lot of gay people they sure are in it

[vale-studies-ir]

Hello lovely people!

It seems that life made me take a leave of absence from tumblr. Thanks to all of you who have continued to interact with my page! I'm sorry if I've missed any messages or questions in the time that I've been away. I'm back now and I'll continue to share my journey with you all...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

In order to be able to keep moving forward, I think it's important to accept the past and move on. Accept any of the difficulties that happened, and see them as moments you've gone through that have made you stronger. My way of accepting and turning over a new page will be through this post.

I haven't shared too much information about my studies and how they've been going. My studyblr was very new, and I was using it more as a means for motivation by seeing all the wonderful things people in the community were doing. Little by little, I started to make posts of my own.

So let me formally introduce myself and share my ongoing journey...

My name is Valentina, I go by Vale for short. I jumped from graduating from my BA in International Relations and Political Science in the Spring of 2018 to starting my PhD studies in International Relations the Fall semester of that same year. No break, very smart... I know. That's only just the beginning. I'm not sure how it works abroad, but here doctoral students usually go through most of their studies being funded by a graduate assistantship. This pays tuition and provides a stipend through working as a TA (graduate teaching assistant). Of course they vary across universities and departments. When I was applying to the PhD program, one of my professors advised me not to accept if I was not given funding. There are only a limited number of spots that are given to incoming students each year that will be accepted as a TA.

In March of 2018 I received notification that I was accepted into the PhD program in International Relations at my university, however, the department could not guarantee funding for me. This put me at a loss, and I spend months wondering where this was going and what I would do. Because I'm an immigrant in the US, though I've been living here practically my whole life, I didn't have too many options. My mobility is constrained.. my access to scholarships is constrained (even though I may qualify for them in terms of academics and merit, migration status trumps over all of it). I was lost, to say the least. My family can't afford to have paid for this program or a Master's program out of pocket, and I am not able to take out student loans even if I wanted to.

Regardless of this all, I still attended the incoming graduate student orientation; which surprised the outgoing graduate program director. She did not think I would show up, considering the whole funding predicament. She and the new GPD told me that they would try to find something for me. On the first day of class, I showed up, still not knowing what would become of this situation. Not knowing if I would actually get to start the semester or not. We are usually given a week to pay tuition - because of status, I am considered an international student so my tuition came out to nearly $10,000 for three courses. That day, out of nowhere, I was told that the dean of our school (School of International and Public Affairs) was looking for a graduate assistant for new projects that he wanted to work on. In the span of a few hours, I ended up interviewing with him, being told that they would let me know because there was another student they were considering, and later being called and told that I got the position. I was ecstatic. I called my parents in tears. This was actually happening; I was actually going to be able to start my PhD.

It all happened so fast. It all seemed so exciting. The dean seemed very enthusiastic and pleased that I would be working with him. Things eventually took a turn for the worst...

Transitioning into graduate school itself is extremely difficult. Many graduate students find themselves experiencing heightened stress and strain on their mental health. I did not give myself the space to transition into graduate school without the added stress of being a doctoral student, without the added expectations. On top of that, the dean had not had a graduate assistant before. This was new for him too. The expectations of me were blurred and my contract would only last for a year to be considered for possible renewal (the typical TA contract in my original department lasts 4 years), this led to disaster. I needed this position to continue to fund my studies, so I needed to make sure that I was on top of my work expectations. Because these expectations were unclear, the dean's secretary took advantage. It seems they were short staffed, and I was given administrative tasks that did not belong to me. I was made to come in to the office for strictly 20 hours a week. (Our contract states that we work up to 20 hours a week). If I was ever sick and missed a day, that would be added onto the hours for the next week. So if I missed a day where I was supposed to be in the office for 5 hours, I'd have to be there for 25 hours the following week. A breach in the contract, I know - but who was I, a lowly student, against the dean? This office (a shared space) was not a place where a person could focus on studying. There were students coming in and out, loud conversations occurring, and having to see if the actual student employee in charge of taking phone calls was at their desk - if not, I would have to man the phone. While I was doing administrative tasks for the dean's secretary, the dean was having me create themed presentations and CO-LECTURE with him. Me, a person who had been an undergraduate student only months earlier. I had to create these presentations from scratch and know all of the material. All of my focus had to be on this. My performance in my own classes and mental health declined quickly. I could not focus, I could not get my reading assignments done, I felt unprepared. I felt like a failure.

After a year, I realized that it was not worth to have my tuition paid for if I could not focus on my classes and was set up for failure. It took a lot, but ultimately I turned down the contract renewal. Here comes the fun part. My GPA dropped tremendously. I graduated Magna Cume Laude just a year before. I developed depression and didn't realize it; to the point where a friend practically made me go to counseling. The office manager at my actual department knew what I was going through. I had shared a lot of my experience with her. She advocated for me. Because of this, I was told that there was a student who had been awarded an assistantship for the incoming Fall 2019 semester, but had decided not to take it. The contract was going to be made for me instead, for not 4 but for 5 years since I had only come in with a BA degree. When they ran it through the associate dean's office... it was denied. My GPA was lower than the threshold. A LOT lower. I was told by the GPD - the same woman who had just started her position that said she would help me, the woman that had gone on maternity leave during that whole year after she started meaning she was not aware of the situation - that I should really take my studies more seriously. She received a very long email from me and apologized afterwards, to say the least. Nothing could be done.

I had no funding, only savings and ended up working Full Time in Fall of 2019 in order to try to pay for 1 course, that costed me a little over $3,000. Somehow, even though I strongly considered it, I managed not to drop out. By this time, the majority of the courses I had taken before had INs - incomplete grades. Two of them had automatically turned into Fs. Things were not okay.

I got a bit of a mental break during that Fall semester. I worked in a friendly environment. The office manager pulled some strings and let me work as an office assistant there... so I was still at my department, but working as staff. It was a little awkward. I'm eternally grateful to her, she became a close friend. And because of her, someone at another department got word that there was a graduate student who needed funding.

This office manager was good friends with a recently graduated phd student from our department who is now working for a different center in the university. Because she was part of my department, many of my current colleagues know her, and are good friends with her. We spoke, I rushed to get my GPA up to the 3.0 threshold and with the help of my professor's I was able to be awarded an assistantship with that center. I started in December of 2019.

Again, I was ecstatic. Things were looking up. When I went in for the first time, I immediately felt a huge difference. It was a smaller, more homey place; and a lovely environment to be in. The people there were sweet and caring. I've gotten along with the few professors I've had the chance of meeting and working with.

Where did it start going downhill? The professor that recommended me (graduate from my home department) continuously requested that I work with her. Her reason being that I got along better with her (something that I was not aware of). Because she considered herself as my friend, professional lines were horribly blurred. I found myself doing additional work for her as a "favor for a friend." She then started having us meet multiple times a week for hours - distracting from the time I needed to actually get work done. This center does not cap classes - I've had to grade for up to 400 students in one semester. The meetings she scheduled were incredibly unproductive, and I found myself having to take extra time to get the grading done. Again, my own studies were effected. The past academic year went on like this. I ended up assisting in creating a new course and new assignments from scratch.

Later I noticed that something was wrong. I was doing way more work than stipulated by my contract. She was giving me access to her courses that I was not assigned to grade for. Instead of assisting for one course in the semester (the one with the highest enrollment), I was assisting for three. This was constantly under the guise of 'friendship'. How was I supposed to reject my 'friend'? When I tried to draw professional boundaries, I was met with resistance.

My mental health declined again in the fall and I missed a few of her scheduled meetings (meetings which she said were NOT mandatory). Because of this, she decided to throw me under the bus with the director and making it seem as if I was not actually working - when I was addressing students' needs and getting grades in. This worsened in the Spring. With the help of my counselor I finally got the courage to communicate with her. Albeit through text, because she's the type of person that does not allow you to get a word in during conversation.

"On that note, there’s something I’ve wanted to talk about. I’ve been struggling with concentration and fatigue. This is something that I’ve been working on with my doctor to try to find solutions. I’ve noticed that being in Zoom meetings in general where there’s casual conversation makes it exceptionally difficult for me to focus on what I’m trying to get done. This has been problematic in the work zoom meetings. You probably have noticed I seem really quiet, that is because I’m trying my hardest to focus.

I need to be able to focus during the time I’m assigned to work as a GA. Otherwise, I must take more time to complete tasks that normally wouldn’t take up that long or just wait until the weekends to finish them. That is conflicting as I have set that time to work on class assignments and my own projects. So in the end I end up falling behind and not working well because my productivity levels are being affected."

She seemed to understand me and be supportive. Then I noticed coldness, and condescending passive aggressive texts from her part.

I realized that I could not do this any longer. I could not allow myself to continuously be taken advantage of. Both of the people I've worked for were aware of my vulnerable situation due to migration status. They both knew that it was not easy for me to pay for my studies through any other means. My studies depended on these people, and if they 'liked' me. They abused and absorbed my time to the extent that my studies suffered tremendously.

But I finally stood up for myself. I spoke with the director and she affirmed that my concerns were valid. Time and time again she assured me that my studies should always come first. She supported me. I will no longer be assigned to work with this person.

I finally feel heard.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's been 3 years since I started my program. A lot has happened in this time. I have a lot of catching up to do this summer if I want to stay on track and take my comprehensive exams by the end of the year. But someone finally heard me, acknowledged the wrongdoings and helped me.

Don't let people walk over you and take advantage of you. I'm learning this the hard way.

Speak your truth.

[m1serere-n0bis]

Anyways. I don't care what the rest of you all have been doing during this but I have been trying to listen better and pray more.

For those of you who don't think that's "enough"... Sorry but I don't owe public opinion shit. The only person I owe an explanation to is God. I don't owe anyone information on what I'm doing in private. I don't owe anyone information on what I am/am not supporting financially or otherwise. If your personal opinion is that I'm not making adequate use of my voice or platform then that's rough buddy, but my voice is not the one that needs to be heard right now and also what platform? As a society hyperfocused on social media ESPECIALLY NOW DURING THIS PANDEMIC we have to come to terms that we all have lives outside of it and we don't "owe" each other ANY information about that in spite of what our culture tells us. Like if this is what "community-based policing" means, I can already tell you I hate it and it's oppressive.

For those of you who think this is a political power play, I would say those concerns are valid but there IS a REAL problem that will still be there when all the political pandering and posturing is done. And we need to fix it. Part of the reason I haven't been hyping what everyone has been telling me to hype in the name of activism is pretty much this:

Do I think it honestly matters which political party is in charge for changes to happen? No, because I do not trust the SAME GOVERNMENT BACKING THE POLICE to take the money THAT IS STILL TECHNICALLY IN THEIR POSSESSION and funnel it into the communities that need it in any way that will actually address the racism inherent in the system. HOWEVER, that doesn't stop me from listening to what my brothers and sisters in Christ are telling me are their experiences not just in a society that is supposed to have progressed past racism but in the BODY OF CHRIST itself. Because it's there, everyone. Yes, it's not overt. Yes, not everyone is actively engaging in it but if we are truly One Body then we owe it to each other to make reparations for sins that aren't ours. It's what we've been doing for the child abuse scandals, is it not? The majority of us were not involved but do we not still carry the burden of that sin simply because we're Catholic, because one part of the One Body committed this massive hurt?

So anyway. The goal of this post is not to make anyone feel bad and it is not an invitation for people to pile on me because I haven't vocally supported x, y, z. This is an invitation to listen and to pray... which should always be the first step, EVEN WHEN THERE IS AN IMMEDIATE NEED FOR ACTION. (Maybe ESPECIALLY when there's an immediate need for action.) And holy shit are we not good at that or what? 😂

1) Fr. Mike Schmitz' homily this week was an invitation for us to listen to God and let Him tell us who He is because only by doing that can we see the image and likeness of God in each other. We've lost that in our wishy-washy prayer lives that inevitably end up with us trying to force God into an earthly construction in which He doesn't belong. We try to tell God who He is because the world is too noisy for us to hear Him tell us about Himself. And that inevitably trickles down into us trying to force each other into boxes before recognizing the human dignity instilled by God in all of us. The internet feeds into that by making us faceless virtual entities, thus making it that much more difficult to recognize our humanity. I can read faceless stats for days but if I don't have ANY CONTEXTUAL IDEA where those numbers are coming from, they're empty. They're easily manipulated into whatever whoever is selling me them wants me to think of them if I don't have someone LIVING THOSE STATISTICS giving me context. Right now the media wants us to feed on the controversy surrounding BLM movement without telling us that these communities have been MARCHING IN THEIR COMMUNITIES FOR YEARS AGAINST THE VIOLENCE THEY INFLICT ON THEMSELVES and it is the same media blackout as any March for Life. The media doesn't care unless they have drama they can use to stoke more division and that's the tea.

2) Fr. Josh Johnson is on fire right now, everyone. Like him and Chika Anyanwu are two voices I wasn't listening to before that I'm thankful to be hearing now. If you're wondering how God can be good even in the midst of chaos, turmoil, and pain, this is it. If you're struggling to separate the Black Lives Matter Organization from the heart of the issue, this is how God is doing that. The Church needs to hear these voices. They have real experiences to share. They are part of the Body of Christ, and they are really hurting through these thousands of small cuts.

I would recommend listening to the Jeff Cavins Show episode Distance Amplifies Difference where he has a conversation with Fr. Josh. They both have tremendously unique WORDLY perspectives to bring to the table on the issue (Jeff Cavins is a white man but has children who are black and they live in Minnesota and are literally witnessing the heart of this first hand in the trenches, and Fr. Josh is the son of a black former chief of police) but ultimately discuss how we as a Church can work towards fixing it.

Fr. Josh and Fr. Mike's dialogue on Ascension Presents is also really top notch. I still have to finish watching it, though. 😅

I can't believe I wasn't following Chika before because as another single Catholic woman, I feel like I've found a sister in Christ experiencing the same ups and downs of Catholic singlehood (her Instagram Highlight was like HILARIOUS and also a truth 😂). Her family's small business got looted during the rioting but I believe they've since been able to shut down their Go Fund Me since people gave them enough support to get it back up and running. Anyways, I'm glad this amplification of black voices brought me to hers.

3) Fransican Friars of the Renewal Fr. Agostino and Fr. Pierre Toussaint discuss their hopes for the movement from their perspective as people of color and as servants of one of the poorest neighborhoods in NYC, the South Bronx. Their dynamic is great because Fr. Agostino is like a Gryffindor on fire and Fr. PT is like a soft-spoken, phlegmetic Ravenclaw. I understand that energy. 😂 (I'm also a phlegmetic Ravenclaw) One of my takeaways was Fr. Agostino's opinion that we can't just posture and leave it up to the government or orgs with ulterior political motives to make things right because he's seen firsthand how well THAT goes. However, all that means is that we as people of God have to dig in and do the work our own dang selves. They're also hopeful that this discussion of the police force being built on a foundation of racism will eventually lead to the discussion of Planned Parenthood being built on the same. They said that 42% of the pregnancies of the predominantly black and Latino population in the South Bronx end in abortion. 42%!!!!!!!!!!! If that is not a wake-up call that systemic racism is alive and well and we are abjectly failing women of color as a society Idk what is. But also their analogy that society is a MESS of a dilapidated house and we have to pick ONE place to start and stick with it if we really want to fix it up is also the truth.

4) Did y'all know about Our Lady of Kibohe? This is a Vatican-approved Marian apparition that appeared to three teenaged girls in Rwanda a little more than a decade before the genocide (which she warned them about). There is no one in Creation demons and Satan hate more than Our Lady, and there's no better weapon against them than the rosary. There has been a call from our brothers and sisters to rend our hearts and even if you don't see, think, or believe there is still racism within the Church, will you not pray for Mary and St. Michael to help continue keeping it that way, then?

Our Lady of Kibohe encouraged us to take up the practice of praying the Seven Sorrows Rosary. I tried it for the first time last week and I have to say, even with my super basic limited knowledge of black history in the United States, it was not hard to see how their suffering could easily be united to the sufferings of Christ and Our Lady.

I guess my conclusion is this: I have my own misgivings about blindly supporting any ol' cause that happens to be trending on whatever. The Black Lives Matter ORGANIZATION has a manifesto touting things that are contrary to the Catechism for SURE, but when my brothers and sisters in the Church are telling me they are in pain RIGHT NOW and saying, "Hey, listen... They're right about some things... These are the things and we've experienced it IN the Church..." then they deserve to be heard. We owe it to them to listen because they are a part of us. We need to expose these sins to the light instead of denying they exist or claiming to be past it. We ALSO need to be charitable to those in different parts of their journey. Is it FAIR to bear the burden of others' sins and make reparations for them? Heck no! But we do it. Jesus did it for us. We do it for our brothers and sisters in Purgatory. What's the difference for bearing it for our hard-hearted brothers and sisters on earth? Nobody is perfect but we all are made in the image and likeness of God and thus inherently carry human dignity.

[caesar-is-hollow]

Days 7-9

I figured one post would make me more likely to actually catch up, so here we go! Also scroll to the end for book reviews!!

Day 7: Express gratitude to 3 people

I don't like this prompt. I hate gratitude prompts. That's not to say I'm not grateful for things, I just don't like how cheesy the prompts are. And 3 people? I barely talk to three people.

I'm thankful for my art teacher. My last day of drawing was yesterday and it was my third semester with him. He's my favorite teacher I've ever had and I hope to take more of his classes.

I'm thankful for my bonus kids because I absolutely adore them, even though they're in the teen phase and starting to think I'm uncool. But we're all going through puberty together and that's pretty hilarious.

And this is probably cheating, but the Facebook groups I'm in. I've 'met' some really cool people and felt a stronger sense of belonging in virtual spaces than I ever have in physical ones.

Day 8: What are your goals this year?

I had so many goals and then covid happened, so I'm basically restarting again lol This year, I am trying to Thrive rather than Survive. I've just had the goal of making it through for the past...my entire life, so I'm focusing on enjoying the process more, which for me means healing trauma, having healthy boundaries, and trying new things/things I've always wanted to do.

I went to a Ghost concert Ritual in February, which was a huge thing for me, because in the past, I would have not gone because my SO didn't want to. But I chose to do something I wanted to do. And I fucking love concerts. I want to incorporate more of those. And just events in general. I was always like 'this seems cool. I would like to go, but I can't if ______ doesn't want to go." and that's just ridiculous. So now I just do the thing. I've also been giving myself things that I denied for a long time, or things people have made fun of me for in the past. It's all about embracing myself these days.

For more specific goals, I'm changing my name and applying for disability. I would hope to also move into my own place and get a service dog, but that doesn't necessarily have to be this year.

Day 9: A book you love

I don't really have favorite books that I reread. I have books I enjoy and recommend, but I usually forget them immediately. I've been really picking up reading again this year. That was one of my other major goals for the year. I've been documenting it all so I don't forget and I can look back on the progress.

Here's a few I absolutely loved.

One of Us Is Lying-Karen McManus

Not my favorite of the bunch, but I still really enjoyed it. Didn't realize it was a book series until I logged it into GoodReads, and then found out it was also a TV series as well. I highly recommend both. The show was really different than the book and it helped it be less predictable. Plus I can't wait for season 2.

Teen Killers Club-Lily Sparks

My most recent finish. Besides absolutely loving the cover, this one was all about defying expectations. At no point did I know where it was going next. A really fun read.

(This is gigantic. My bad)

I read this one back in January, but it's still pretty fresh in my mind because of how good it was. I used to love Holly Black when I was a kid (Spiderwick, anyone?), but haven't read any of her other books. This was a cool, modern fairytale-type book and I was very into it. Lots of different plot points and was woven together really nicely. Also gay. (If you stick around long enough, you'll notice a theme.)

( I gave up on titles and authors. Deal with it. You can clearly read.)

OH MY SWEET LORD!! This is probably my favorite book I've read in a long time. I don't reread books often, but this will be one that I definitely do. It was so fun piecing together the mystery with the character. Plus plague doctors before it was cool? Hell yeah. This book is very much my aesthetic. Agatha Christie-style murder mystery with time travel and body-switching? Sold.

Ya'll. This book ripped my heart out. Enough said. If you know, you know. Also gay.

I plan on doing more book reviews and reading journal updates because this was really fun to put together and I really enjoy working on my journal tbh.

[considermygenderminecrafted]

Op I'm not gonna try and assume what you mean by punshiment imma just elaborate of BGPs point in terms of like... Ideas behind punishment oriented justice.

The stuff around dream and prison and exile definitely brings up questions about like, what the purpose of punishment is. Cause the general veiw on the server atm seems to be both to 'eleminate capacity to commit futher crimes' and 'retributive justice' (where if you hurt someone you should also get hurt)

But there are like Huge issues with both of these.

Retributive justice frames suffering in a very particularly way. People who advocate for retributive justice argue that you shouldn't let people get off scott free, and while that's compelling I don't think that its actually useful.

It somewhat requires you to see suffering as a way that the world is balanced, that suffering comes from a place of punishment, that if you do harm to someone you should suffer as a way to balance the scales. It's really compelling to want people to hurt for what they've done, and if they don't then they've basically gotten away with it for free, but life isnt about debt. No amount of hurting someone undoes what they did. It's cathartic but it's not really a good foundation to build a society on. Justice focusing on paying a debt of harm orients people around pain rather than growth. It systematizes the cycle of revenge

It also has the major practical issues (one of which dsmp demonstrates beautifully) which is: how much suffering is required for a punishment to be fulfilled. Like torture is too much, obvs. Is solitary? Yeah I'd argue solitary confinement with no end in sight is unjustifiably awful. Exile? I mean denying people their capacity to interact with people, their community and their home is also kinda a lot... How do you draw the line? And who gets to decide what proportionate means? And you also have to be Super fucking sure someone did commit the things you think they did, otherwise you've just Hurt someone and you can't even justify it.

There's also the issue of, after the punishment is finished (if it has an end) what do you... Do with he criminal. Cause you haven't actually given them any capacity to change... Do we just put em right back into society? Thar seems dangerous I don't think Dream should be near Tommy at alll for the foreseeable future.

Retributive justice doesn't... solve any issues, not in terms of practicality.

Punishment as just like, removing people from society to stop them being able to hurt people is also flawed, because like... How do you do that. And what do you do with the people you want gone. Do you just send them into the wild?? For how long? Forever? How much shit do they have to do before they're no longer allowed to exist with other people anymore? It also doesn't actually solve any root issues. It doesn't address how everything got started in the first place, it doesn't stop Dreams capacity to hurt other people outside of the commu he's banned from. It just pushed to problem under a rug, it disappears it.

Neither of these are like... Conducive to a society where people hurting each other on purpose is less of an issue.

How to move forward from someone causing harm is a complicated question, and I don't think punishing dream is the way to move forward.

If people are interested in veiws of justice if recommend this video:

me, writing a post about how c!dream deserves to be brought to justice for his crimes: parkour!

[thuba-lami]

Call Me By Your Name by Andrè Aciman

Why read the book when you can just watch the movie?

Books are always elaborate and within them you can actually relate to the writer, develope character sketches as they are meant to be. Major advantage of reading a book is that it helps build your imagination. While watching a movie you don't have to put your brains into it. Ideally I would prefer reading the book before watching the movie but with Call Me By Your Name I did the opposite. Why? I honestly didn't know it was based on a book when I watched it and when I found out I just had to read the book.

The Movie

This movie is for incurable romantics. It sweeps you up on waves of dizzying eroticism and then sweetly, emphatically leaves you emotionally shattered. Yep, just like that. The film’s emotions are as naked as its bodies. In the book, Elio and Oliver meet again after 20 years. In the film, Guadagnino shows us only what is; it’s up to audiences to take the film home and keep it close. I loved that factor of suspense, it kept me thinking or days about what could be the perfect ending. You may be shocked by what the duo do to a juicy peach (one of my favourite movie scenes of all time), but you can bet on those stolen moments earn their place in the sex-in-cinema time capsule. Still, it’s the film’s wisdom and nurturing compassion that stay with you. What Elio and Oliver discover in each other opens their eyes to a world beyond themselves. But this masterpiece goes its own transcendent way. With Oliver, Elio feels he can talk about “things that matter.” The beauty part is that these “things” matter to all of us, regardless of sexual orientation, when we’re gutted for the first time by that thing called love. As Elio’s father says of the art he studies, “there’s not a straight line in any of these statues; they’re all curved, as if daring you to desire them.” Call Me By Your Name dares its audience in the same way. It’s a swooning new classic and one of the very best films I have ever watched. To be honest with you I am more of a series buy I do watch movies that come highly recommended from time to time.

The Book

I wish I could rate this higher, but based on my enjoyment, I just can't. After years of hype, I expected more.

There's no denying the prose was incredible. However, the plot? Well, most parts felt unnecessary and boring. Considering this book is only 250 pages, that says something. The fragments of Elio's memories of his and Oliver's summer relationship were incohesive and felt repetitive to the point where I started skimming through it. His musings are embellished with beautiful, sometimes pretentious prose and figurative language but as a result, there's little character depth. I do think the ending was beautiful and I was left with a sense of Elio's loss at what could have been. I just thought the whole thing lacked substance.

Italian food, evening strolls on the beach, soaking up the sun by the pool, it sounds like a dream. However, beyond the writing and inspiring ideas, it didn't work for me. I love books with strong character development and solid storytelling, but this lacked both. The fact that I went into this expecting to discover something magical makes me even more bitter. To be honest with you, I prefer the film adaptation. I'll give this book 2.5 STARS and I am being very generous.

Thanks for stopping by. Cheers!

[mspbandj]

Genuinely just wondering, is there any proof or confirmation anywhere that Sherlock Holmes is queer/gay/bisexual etc? Because everyone seems very angry that he didn't get to "come out" in TFP, but I can't help wondering if that's just because they've locked themselves in an echo chamber of Johnlock and convinced themselves that he can't possibly not like men. Absolutely correct me if I'm wrong, I'm so curious about this.

Okay, Im not an expert of the subject, so unfortunately I cant pull up as many references as there are, but here goes:There is a LOT in the original source material to suggest that Holmes was queer, however, it was never fully confirmed, nor denied. As far as I am aware, a lot of the terminology used in the original text heavily suggests that Sherlock at least, if not Watson as well, were homosexual. (Personally, I always envisioned Holmes as Asexual, with panromantic attraction, based off the original text, and further adaptions.) Furthermore, when taking into account the time period of the original text, I have seen it written that the behaviours of Holmes and Watson were at very least questionable (two bachelors living together in an apartment, being very close, speaking very affectionately with each other etc.) A few examples of text can be seen here (once again, Im not an expert, or hugely invested in Sherlock, modern or original, so I really dont have much reference material.) As for the modern BBC adaption of Sherlock Holmes.I think the main issue is not whether or not Sherlock IS gay/queer, I think its more that he COULD have been. The way that the showrunners marketed this production, the way that Cumberbatch and Freeman portrayed the characters, the subtext, the main text, the character and relationship building, all heavily implied that their relationship was going down the homosexual/homoromantic path. If you have the time and the energy to have a look at this in minute detail, Id recommend checking out the The JohnLock Conspiracy blog and youtube channel. They are people who genuinely know there stuff about modern media, and they also go into detail about the original text. I dont think the JohnLock shippers have locked themselves in a echochamber (also, just a side note, I fucking hate that term,) I think they were put there by the showrunners. What you are witnessing is the direct result of years and years of queerbaiting and buildup. People are mad because they were given mountains and mountains of evidence, both from the show itself, and from the cast and crew in interviews and through social media, that JohnLock was going to be end game. Thats one thing I DO know, is that there was a LOT of evidence (once again, check out TJLC for a lot more detail about this.) Specifically, LGBT people are mad because once again, they and their identities as LGBT folk have been used by writers and showrunners to gain a profit, with absolutely nothing in return. They (and I do include myself in this, as an LGBT person more than a fan (im not a fan)) are mad because they invested so much of their time, energy, and money into this show because everything pointed to the endgame of actual representation in a major media production, only to have it ripped out of their hands in the very last minute. Furthermore, as far as I am aware, the whole show quality took a massive dive. It feels like they just said “alright, we got the Gays™ invested enough now, and I really cfb finishing this thing so who really cares?” and just threw all of our love and devotion in the fucking trash. Back to the main point tho. If you ask me, which you are doing, I’d say its not because Sherlock and Holmes arent gay. Its that, after years and years of seeing blatant sebtext, hints, building, and downright evidence, and after years of hoping and pining and wanting and wishing that we would get accurate representation in one of the worlds biggest media productions of our time, its all been ripped out from under us with the added “fuck you” of straight up poor quality. The LGBT community are not here to line the pockets of the media with our identities. We are real, valid people, who deserve accurate representation and equality. We DO NOT deserve to be treated like this. Its that simple. I hope this cleared some stuff up for you! Feel free to ask me further questions! (Although its 3am, so ill be going to bed now… but Ill get back to you asap!)