#you can’t apologize because i won’t forget those words | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

awkward-tension-art · 5 months ago

Text

Misc. Clones x Twi'lek!Reader

I’ve had this idea in my head for a while, so….enjoy?

Cw: Twi’lek stereotyping, Speciesism, reader is a twi’lek, gender neutral pronouns, reader is falsely accused in the last set

Minors DNI (even though theres no smut)

501st Legion:

“Hey tail-head! Why not come here and give me a dance?”

You paused in what you were doing, turning to stare at the one who said such a thing.

He was wearing white armor, and clearly a shiny.

Rex

Ex-fucking-cuse me?

Rex is going to step between you and the shiny, helmet off and clearly pissed.

“Care to repeat that, trooper?”

His glare is steady. He’s not going to raise his voice or shout but by GOD if looks could kill.

The shiny is going to start tripping over his words to apologize but Rex isn’t having any of it

“You see that gunship over there? You’re scrubbing the entirety of it with your toothbrush. Now get moving.”

He isn’t having ANY of that shit in his legion.

Speciesism? Not in his fucking house.

After the shiny is hauling ass, he’s going to check on you.

“I’m sorry, cyare. I’ll make sure that doesn’t happen again.”

Rex isn’t a fool. He’s traveled all around the galaxy. He's worked with General Secura. He’s well aware of the stereotypes surrounding your people.

He won’t tell you, but whenever someone says any sort of twi-lek slur within earshot, he’s making them run laps around the Resolute.

Fives

He’s going to be speechless for a solid second.

Someone??? Just said that??? To his mesh’la?

Oh fuck no.

Fives is going to get in the shiny’s face and just growl, “You have some balls, rookie.”

This is an ARC trooper who is not above breaking some rules.

One of those rules is putting a shiny in their place

Fives is going to push them back hard enough to make them stumble, “Say it again and I'll throw you out of an airlock.”

Once the shiny had gotten the message and rushed away, Fives will drape an arm around you

He’ll peck your cheek, “They shouldn’t bother you again, mesh’la.”

Fives finds you to be incredible, but he knows that there will be individuals who have opinions on you just because of the stereotypes surrounding twi-leks.

He’ll definitely get in the face of anyone who gives you a hard time.

After sometime, it becomes pretty well known that Fives’ S/O isn’t to be messed with.

Kix

The medic is less confrontational.

He also knows you can handle yourself, but he’ll cast a glance your way to see if your alright

If you're ignoring the shiny and moving on, he will too.

But if you look uncomfortable/upset that’s when he’ll say something

“Just ignore them,” He tries his best with comfort, but he knows you shouldn’t HAVE to ignore such words.

If the shiny says something else to you, that's when he’ll confront them.

“If you don’t walk away, I just might forget to give you painkillers when you get shot in the next battle.”

That tends to shut the shinies up. Afterall, pissing off the medic is a bad idea

Once you're alone, Kix will put a comforting hand on your shoulder.

While he hates the twi’lek stereotype, he knows he can’t really say anything to make it go away. This is most likely a constant background noise in your life, and that won’t magically disappear in a day.

Though, he will go to Rex and tell him what happened. Kix can’t change the whole galaxy but he can at least make the 501st more welcoming

Jesse

He thinks it's a joke at first, maybe some playful ribbing.

Afterall, he does the same with his own brothers.

But one look at your face and he’s snapped into gear.

“Good one, brother!” The ARC trooper will put his arm over the shiny’s shoulder, “I got a better one.”

Jesse will lean in close, “If you say something like that again, I’ll personally make you swallow your own teeth, got it?”

He says this with a smile.

At first the shiny thinks HE’S joking, but then Jesse’s grip gets tighter, and his smile is gone.

“I mean it.”

Once the shiny is gone, he’s going to kiss you.

He’s another one who will go to Rex. This isn’t something your lover wants you to deal with, especially from his own brothers.

He expects better from them. Even if they're a shiny

If it happens again, that's when Jesse makes good on his threats.

He’s an ARC trooper. He didn’t get the rank by looking pretty.

He also gets a reputation of being protective, so the next batch of shinies that join the 501st already know to be respectful.

Clone Force 99

“Hey, tail-head, why don’t you and I go somewhere and you can show me some of those twi’lek dances up close?”

You sighed, looking back to see a bounty hunter of some sort with a disgusting grin on their face.

Omega was next to you, brow furrowed, “Tail-head? Why’d they call you that?”

Hunter

“Oh shut it.” is his first response.

If the bounty hunter opens their mouth again, Hunter's second response is to throw a punch.

This is the man that brought his fists to a food fight. His first reaction will be to silence the bounty hunter, his second is to shut their mouth in a physical way.

Yea, he’s not above assault.

Once the stranger is on the ground, that’s when Hunter speaks again

“Think twice before you say something stupid next time.”

He’s going to give you a concerned look and put a hand on your shoulder

“You ok, Cyare?”

He’s also aware of the stereotype surrounding twi-leks, and he won’t let anyone give you a hard time.

He kneels next to Omega and essentially teaches her what stereotypes are

He emphasizes that they’re wrong, and she shouldn’t ever assume things based on stereotypes

Anyone who says ‘tail-head’ in his vicinity they’re losing teeth.

He’s aware violence isn’t going to change opinions, but he isn’t going to stand for anyone throwing slurs at you

Hunter cares for you so much, he just wants you to feel comfortable and safe.

Wrecker

He doesn’t think those vile words are being thrown at you at first. He’ll look to you for confirmation.

When it finally clicks, he stands between you and the stranger. He doesn’t even need to say anything, just glares down at them.

After the bounty hunter gets the hint, Wrecker will turn to you and Omega.

“You can’t say that again, ok ‘mega? That’s a bad insult to twi’leks.”

He doesn’t freak out or draw attention to what Omega parrotted. He’s well aware she’s a kid and doesn't entirely know better.

Wrecker may be a bit dense at times, but he’s not stupid.

He knows exactly what the stranger was getting at saying such things to you.

“Good thing they’re gone, right mesh’la?” He’ll ask, holding your face.

He puts an arm around you and the three of you head back to the ship.

He likes to act as your protector. He knows you can handle yourself, but he just likes to feel like he's protecting you. Afterall you’re precious to him.

His heart breaks if you tell him this has happened before.

He is UNHAPPY that this is something you deal with.

He knows the twi’lek stereotype exists, it’s just…different when it's you.

Honesty, he’ll take this to heart and step-in if he sees something like this happen to another twi’lek.

He’s not going to be a bystander anymore. And Omega definitely learns from his example.

Tech

“Well, that is entirely unnecessary.”

He won’t pick a fight. He thinks it’s best to ignore instigators.

He also knows that arguing or snapping at the bounty hunter may make things worse

He’ll grab your hand and lead you and Omega away

If the stranger follows, he’ll turn a corner, put you and omega behind him and set his blaster on stun

Once the bounty hunter turns the corner, Tech will shoot them.

“There.” He says, putting his blaster away, “Shouldn’t bother us anymore.”

Once you three are back at the ship, he’ll kiss your forehead before speaking to Omega

“Tail-head is a slur to twi’lek individuals. It’s supposed to insult someone's lekku. You must never say it again.”

Tech is very much aware of both the stereotypes and their origin.

If someone gives you a hard time or throws more insults at you, he’s not going to stand for it.

He has very little patience for ignorance.

Echo

Barely stops himself from throwing hands instantly.

“You want to say that again?” He’s going to get in the bounty hunter's face very quickly, “Say it again. I dare you.”

Echo is a damn ARC trooper. He can make the stranger eat their words.

But, he’ll hold back, for your sake.

If the bounty hunter doesn’t back down, he casts a glance at you.

Give the greenlight? It's a fight.

You want to move on and forget this happened? He backs down.

He’ll return to your side and just start grumbling, “Ignorant asshole…if they open their mouth again, I swear…”

He gets really upset about this. And he knows it wasn’t the first time nor will it be the last time this happens to you.

When you're not within earshot, he’ll explain to Omega why ‘tail-head’ is not something to be repeated.

Echo is patient with her. She’s just a child.

But like Tech, he had no patience for ignorance from anyone else.

Will snap at anyone who says ‘tail-head’ or other twi’lek insults within earshot.

Crosshair

While everyone has some form of restraint, Crosshair does not.

It’s an immediate brawl.

His patience is a negative 2 when it comes to this type of stuff.

The bounty hunter hadn’t even blinked before Crosshair knocked them down.

He’s pretty silent, returning to your side and putting an arm around you.

He’ll look at Omega and just say a simple, “Don’t say that again.”

Pretty blunt to be honest.

Crosshair is protective. More so than even Wrecker.

His mind is already running, analyzing your surroundings and seeing who else may make snide remarks.

Afterall, if one person was able to say something like that, how many more are there?

He’ll ask how often this happens.

Depending on your answer he’s either slightly annoyed or pissed.

No one should be giving you a hard time simply because you're twi’lek.

Once back at the ship, he’s going to keep a hand or arm on you in any way possible.

He loves you, and he doesn’t want you to ever feel ashamed or bad for being twi’lek.

212th Battalion:

“Hey, I didn’t know the 212th got its own personal dancer,” The shiny slid next to you, “What do you say? Wanna give the boys and I a moral booster?”

You blinked, eyes wide. That was an entirely new one…

Cody:

After Ryloth, he thought his men would behave better than that. So he’s genuinely caught off guard.

“You have 2 seconds to take back what you said, rookie.” He snaps, glaring.

After a stumbling apology is given to you, Cody continues with his death stare, “I expect better from you. You will treat them and every other alien species with respect. Do I make myself clear?”

Very much not happy about this.

If one shiny said something like that to you, who else stereotypes twi’leks?

It’s not just about you, Cody really expects much better from the 212th.

If one person acts like a moron, it reflects badly on the 212th, General Kenobi and the GAR.

They are soldiers of the Republic in a very diverse galaxy.

However, he’ll turn his attention back to you and grab your hand.

“I’ll make sure that never happens again, I promise.”

He’s incredibly sweet about it.

Boil:

Instant shame.

This is how he used to sound!?

“Hey!” He’ll snap at the shiny, “Show some damn respect.”

In a way, he’s trying to compensate for his ignorance earlier in the war.

Before Ryloth, he used to throw around ‘tail-head’ all the time. Something he looks back at in shame.

It was Numa, and now you that made him realize how much of a bastard he used to be.

If the shiny persists, Boil will get up in his face, “Back off. Now.”

If something like this happens again, Boil will go to Cody.

Like the commander, Boil also expects better from the 212th

But also, he wants you to feel comfortable among his brothers.

“I’m sorry,” He won’t exactly look at you. He knows the shiny’s behavior isn’t his fault, but he can’t help but feel shame and embarrassment anyway.

A bit later, he’ll hold your hand and just admit, “I used to be like him. Ignorant and self-centered…I’m sorry.”

Boil loves you so dearly. He just wanted to be honest.

He respects however you react

Waxer

Another one who feels shame.

Yea he didn’t throw around ‘tail-head’ or see twi’leks as lesser, but he stood by while others did.

After Ryloth and Numa, he doesn’t stand by anymore.

“Oh shut up!” He’ll snap, “Go throw yourself out of an airlock.”

Waxer is a learner. He’s learned more about your people. Your history. Your culture.

He's also learned the stereotypes. Where they've come from.

So, he knows what the shiny is getting at by speaking to you.

this guy painted Numa on his helmet. He’s definitely not going to let anyone disrespect you in any way shape or form because of your species.

He won’t get physical, but he will threaten.

Once the shiny is gone, he’ll put a hand on your cheek, “I’m sorry. I’ll knock some sense into him later, I promise.”

Coruscant Guard

“Hey!”

Your Coruscant Guard lover was walking you home when someone grabbed your shoulder and turned you around.

“Guard! Arrest this twi’lek thief! I know they stole my credits straight out of my pocket!” The pantoran woman yelled right in your face.

When you argued, she just yelled louder, “All twi’leks are conniving thieves! Give me back my credits!”

Of course you didn’t steal anything, but this pantoran seemed convinced that you did. All because you were twi’lek.

Fox

The headache was immediate.

“Ma’am, I assure you they haven't gone anywhere near you.”

He wants to defend you more staunchly, but he’s the commander of the CG.

There’s only so much he can do without risking reprimand.

If the pantoran persists, he’ll get rougher, but remain professional.

“Ma’am if you don’t walk away, I will arrest you for wasting Coruscant Guard resources.”

The best he can do, frankly.

This isn’t the first time he’s seen an innocent twi’lek be accused of a crime.

It happens more than he’d wish to admit.

Honestly, he hates it, but there's protocol in place and he's obligated to follow.

But he knows you're innocent. You were beside him the entire time.

Plus, he loves you. He’s not going to search you.

If she keeps giving you a hard time, Fox will step forward, “Last chance, I will throw you in a cell for the night if you don’t keep walking.”

Usually that works.

He’ll keep you close until you're safely home. He won’t talk about it if you don’t.

Though, he does end up telling the guard to be more mindful of random accusations against twi’leks.

Thorn

“Oh here we go…”

He’s…not taking this woman seriously at all.

“I have seen no such thing. Please make a report to the police.” He’ll just deadpan before walking away.

Petty crime such as a pickpocket is 1-800-not-his-job.

He’ll drape an arm over your shoulder and pull you closer to him.

Like Fox, he’s seen people blame twi’leks solely based on stereotypes

And his response is always the same, “Either show me solid evidence or take it to the police.”

If you say this isn’t the first time, Thorn kinda squeezes your shoulder.

“Don’t worry, love.” He’ll whisper, “the boys and I won’t let anyone accuse you of anything.”

He makes good on the promise. If anyone tries to give you a hard time for being twi’lek, there's usually a Coruscant Guard that steps in.

A partner to one of the Guard is well taken care of.

Hound:

He’s going to look at the woman, then look at you, then look at Grizzer.

He whistles once, and Grizzer licks your hand.

Grizzer just likes you, this isn’t any sort of actual search.

“They don’t have your credits. Move along or go to a police droid.”

Since the massiff didn’t ‘find’ anything, the pantoran woman leaves you alone.

“Happen often?” Hound is going to ask you quietly when the two of you start walking again.

When you nod, he doesn’t respond.

Like the rest of the guard, he knows your people often get falsely accused of crimes.

Having a massiff with a good sense of smell makes it quick and easy to find out if they actually committed the alleged crime.

More often than not, the falsely accused is innocent.

But he knows he can’t be with you all the time. You have your own jobs to do.

One minor fear of his is you getting accused and then thrown into a cell.

All because you are twi’lek

He knows his brothers won’t do such a thing, but police droids aren’t so flexible or understanding.

184 notes · View notes

taintedtort · 1 year ago

Text

" NO NUT NOVEMBER! "

summary. how long they last during NNN

characters. toji, gojo, sukuna

warnings. gn!reader, no nut november, suggestive

a/n. this prompt pt3 but with jjk. also new post layout thing

TOJI

☆ he rolled his eyes when you told him about the challenge. he loves sex and wants to be able to relieve himself whenever he wants, so why should he deny himself? he makes you beg for him to participate, finding it funny when you actually did and laughed in your face. he’s a man of his word though, and ended up attempting to last the entire month. got about a week in before you were the one begging him to touch you. he endlessly teased you, of course, taunting and mocking about how you were the one who wanted him to not fuck you. he gave you want you wanted eventually, but he definitely edged you for a while first.

"if you really want me to do that stupid challenge, then beg."

"you want me to fuck you? god, you’re pathetic. you’re the one who suggested this, remember?"

GOJO

☆ you egged him on, telling him there’s no way he would be able to beat NNN. he wanted to prove you wrong, so he very confidently accepted the challenge. it ended up being a game of teasing, you walking around the house half naked to work him up, and him trailing his hand down your body before pulling away with a teasing grin. he lasted a bit longer than you thought, finally having enough about two and a half weeks in. you two were making out, and when he made a move to tug his hard cock out of his pants, you tried to stop him and reminded him of the challenge. he pouted at you, promising to not cum and that he just missed feeling you around him, and you folded. he came, of course, and honestly couldn’t care less.

"i won’t cum, don’t worry. just wanna feel you squeezin' my cock."

SUKUNA

☆ similar to toji, he also had no interest in participating in NNN. he scowled at you in confusion and annoyance when you kept bugging him about it, and eventually gave in just to shut you up. he made a rule where you couldn’t touch yourself though, forcing you to partake as well. he didn’t understand the concept at all. not only was he denying himself pleasure, it was also denying you release as well, so he wasn’t sure why you insisted. he has self restraint and was able to go three weeks without much trouble. though, he did punish you consistently throughout those weeks. just because neither of you could cum doesn’t mean he couldn’t still have some fun with you. he spent hours edging and teasing you, tying you up and forcing you to endure his punishments, so those three weeks were torture for you. obviously ended with you begging him to let you cum, pleading for his cock and telling him to forget the challenge. you babbled apologies for making him participate and promised to never do it again. seeing your teary eyes and hearing your pleas got him more worked up than he’d like to admit, so he fucked you stupid and filled you up.

"aw, you can’t take it? you wanna cum?"

474 notes · View notes

glader13 · 5 months ago

Text

Saudade pt. 2

Part 1

Part 3

Part 4

Bi-Han’s mind was in a haze, he felt unfocused in everything. It could’ve been because of the war, Tsung’s plans and army were making incredible gains, an act of true power. He envies it. Or maybe, the haze was due to Liu Kang’s foolishness, tainting Lin Kuei’s honor by making his clan, and him, nothing more than thugs for his schemes.

“Brother,” Kuai Liang’s voice broke Bi-Han’s thoughts, “You’ve been staring at this map for minutes without a word. Do you not have a plan?”

“I’m thinking,” was all he said, still feeling his mind slip to something else.

“About the plan or something else?” His brother pressed, causing Bi-Han’s annoyance to rise, who does he think he’s questioning?

“About things that don't concern you,” Bi-Han began, “And you forget yourself, questioning your grandmaster.”

“As your brother, I am worried,” he didn’t back down from Bi-Han’s icy glare, “For the past couple of weeks, ever since you returned home from that mission, you’ve been distracted. You won’t even tell us where you were for the night.”

That’s why he’s been in a haze, still smelling your perfume in his nose from that night. He can’t shake you from his mind, that night revealing the ache for you has never left him. He walked out of the room, and even the temple feeling frustrated at himself. Why didn’t he say more? Why did he say those things that caused you to leave? He treated you and called you a responsibility. He should’ve treated you like his wife, as his equal. You have never treated him in such a way, even when you were in the same situation as him. Doing familial responsibilities, but somewhere in the responsibility came love, and he didn’t know how to handle it, how to handle your emotions for him, and his emotions for you.

It became obvious that you were too kind, too sweet, too perfect for him. He had to let you go so he wouldn’t hurt you. But he misses you terribly. Bi-Han walked without a direction in mind, or so he thought. He found himself in front of your home, looking at your window, thinking back to how you were his sanctuary, a place where he could always clear his head. He climbed up your window, peeking into your room, surprised to see that you weren’t there. He then walked to another place where he suspected of you being. He peeked through the window of the medical center, watching you care for patients with a smile. You were so kind to him, and despite the sweet sensation that it gave him, it made him scared. It made him realize his emotional inadequacies. That night, he couldn't get it out of his head, it was consuming, always in the back of his mind. Despite his abilities, he was the one burning, being consumed by the fever, by the fire that is you.

He wants to put those moments past him, you behind him. He knows that he should, but he can't. He wants to hold you, to apologize. He never meant to hurt you, he just wanted to protect you. He let out a sigh of frustration, hating himself for his lack of courage. He couldn’t talk to you, at least not now.

As you sat in your medical room, your mind instantly went to the days you spent there with Bi-Han’s mother as she taught you everything you needed to know about being the grandmaster’s wife. Of course, not all the days were spent in there, when she was feeling strong, you would have your lessons in the garden, and the sign of her sickness would be nonexistent in the sunlight.

But there would be days when she would teach you from her bed, her voice was soft and quiet. You remember one day when she had fallen asleep leaving you to read up on Lin Kuei's history. But there was a point when the words were just words and every date seemed the same, spilling into each other. You eventually gave up on studying, letting out a sigh as you rested the book on your leg. You placed yourself on the floor, staring at the light’s shadows dance on the walls and ceiling.

You began to drift away, your eyes getting heavier. Instead of Lin Kuei, you thought of Bi-Han, seeing his dark eyes behind your eyelids. You could’ve sworn that you felt his hands sneak across your body, the recent nights together giving your mind the fire for moments like this. Your face warmed as a smile graced your lips, thinking of his voice and the sweet words that he would whisper.

“Studying hard?” You saw him kneeling by your head.

You nodded, causing him to quietly laugh, as he kissed your lips, before lying down next to you. He wrapped you in his arms, your face hiding in his body, being overwhelmed by the closeness of him. You kissed his neck, before tracing his jaw, then kissing his lips.

“Has she been asleep for long?”

“Maybe for forty minutes,” you say, “We were going over some more responsibilities, but we took a break, and then I read up on some history, but,” you smiled, “It didn’t stick.”

“Oh really?” He smiled, “Why not?”

“Reading is nice, but I need a tutor,” you murmured against his lips, “Maybe, some private lessons.”

“Straighten out some history for you?” You felt his lips curl into a smirk, causing your body to feel a spark.

“Then I can test her when you’re done,” her voice caused the two of you to push each other away, as Bi-Han’s face turned red.

“You were awake?” You found it kind of cute, how his voice was slightly shaky, even though you refused to meet his mother’s face.

“A mother hears everything,” she smiled.

How you wish that you could go back to those days when everything seemed perfect. Bi-Han was so happy, and you have never felt such love. You felt your heart twist with pain, thinking of the private moments when you would hide in medical books, trying to find something to help his mother, secretly working with her doctors. When she died, she took a part of Bi-Han with her, something that you tried to foolishly replace. But nothing can replace a mother’s love.

You remember the day she died completely, you were alone with her at the temple, still studying your responsibilities. She was quiet that day, barely opening her eyes and when she did, you wanted to look away, feeling something in your stomach akin to hopelessness. She seemed to be in transition, her eyes focused on something higher, outside of the world that you were in. The longer you were in there with her, your mind cared less about responsibilities, you just wanted Bi-Han to be there.

You remember the last words that she spoke to you as she held your hand, “No matter what, he loves you. Care for him, please.” But you didn’t care for him, you left him. He made it so easy to leave.

You left early that day, seeing that your parents needed you home. As you walked, you thought of how it’s been weeks since you had last seen him, and you were running out of hope that you’d ever see him again, thinking back to the past nights and how you stayed up in bed, with your best night garments, waiting for him. You were aching for him, and one night with him seemingly ignited a fire that you thought was gone. In your haste, you didn’t see him lingering near the medical center. But he noticed you, though he let you walk by, too stuck to talk to you.

You were rushed by servants as soon as you entered the estate. Your parents still didn’t mention why they needed you, all they mentioned was that a guest was coming over. You were immediately driven to your bathing room, bathing in the rose-scented water and soap. The servants then adorned you in beautiful gold jewelry that matched your red qipao dress trimmed in gold that had a slit on the side.

You felt sick at the sight in the mirror, realizing your parents’ intentions. Suddenly, you felt the longing from that night put you in a chokehold, chaining your heart. Once the servants left, you went to your jewelry box, taking out the pendant and the ring. You held them against your chest, looking at the spot where he slept next to you. Why were you clinging to him still, why were you holding your breath on a miracle? You moved towards your bed, sitting on the side where he slept, in your hands you once again inspected the ring and the pendant, wondering why you were still holding onto a man who so easily let you go, who so easily fell out of love? A knock on your bedroom door took you out of your thoughts before you could answer your question, your guest had arrived.

He sat across from you during the dinner, his eyes were soft, matching his smile. Everything about him was soft, from the way his lips graced your hand to how his eyes would lock with yours, making you feel so guilty. You wonder who he is seeing when he looks into your eyes, does he see himself or does he see Bi-Han? He’s an up-and-coming politician, and you have heard of him, and agreeing with his ideology and ideas.

He’s perfect, well, he would be perfect.

You engaged with him in conversation, not failing to notice your parents’ reaction, you could feel their eyes mentally taking notes, and you wanted nothing more than to leave. He offered you a more intimate setting, away from your parents. It was a boat ride, the lake was lit up by water lanterns, washing his face in warm hues of gold. But as you listened to him, you felt yourself slipping, going back to when you rode this with Bi-Han.

It was early in your relationship with him, and he wasn’t quite as talkative, but him being there was enough. He held you the entire time, making up for his lack of talking. He even made you a flower from ice that night, making it even more impossible to leave him. Such a small gesture captured your heart. When you look at the man in front of you, you realize that you weren’t looking at him, for him, you were searching for Bi-Han. Chasing a love that won’t come back to you, and that saddened you. But as the two of you set the lantern in the water, you felt yourself wishing for Bi-Han.

You returned home late, going straight to your room. Your mind was a mess of thoughts, and you needed to sleep. Torn between wanting to fix the past and not having your past destroy your future. You need to let him go, just as he did with you.

“You were out late,” you stopped in your doorway hearing his voice, “Why?”

“Bi-Han,” you said, feeling thrilled that he was there, “But why do you have to know? You haven’t spoken to me in weeks since you’ve been hurt. You haven’t spoken to me since our engagement ended,” you said the last part quietly.

“I … I know,” he didn’t look at you. He felt his mouth open wanting to say the two words, but they were stuck, so he said, “You look beautiful.”

“Thank you,” you smiled sitting next to him, your smile grew even more when he didn’t move away, “I went on a date, my parents arranged it.”

You studied his face, waiting for a reaction. But he had none, just a slight furrow on his face. You could have been imagining it, but you felt the room get a little bit colder. “Does he treat you well?”

“I only met him today,” you said, “So I don’t know, but I don’t want to talk about him. Why are you here, are you hurt again?”

“No, I was just checking in on you,” he said, “I wanted to thank you for your help.”

“No need for that,” you said, then took his arm, “It healed up nicely.”

“Only because of your hands,” Bi-Han said, his eyes drawn to your hands, how they were still holding his arm. Unbeknownst to you, your touch was a heavenly fire, keeping him alive. He has never felt such peace when you hold him.

“How have you been?” He asked, feeling himself cross a line that he swore to never do again.

“I’ve been good,” you began, letting go of his arm, “But better now.”

He nodded, moving his arm back so you could sit closer to him and you did. As you explained how you had just been in the medical center working, he felt himself thinking of your words: better now. Better now because of him, or because of the man who is courting you? He knew that you wouldn’t be single forever, that you would move on, but he still felt hurt. Suddenly, he’s in love but you’re not. Seeing your beautiful face, realizing that your soft smiles weren’t for him felt like a stab in his soul.

But as he told you about himself and the war with Tsung, he couldn’t help but open up, feeling as if he was put under a spell. He made a mistake, and it’s more clear than ever. But as he talked, looking into your eyes, he felt resolve grow in him, he won’t let any of those threats come towards you. If he can’t have you, at least he can protect you.

The conversation then changed, you asked Bi-Han if he had anyone special, and he shook his head. The answer made your heart skip a beat, filling your head with fantasies, what if he loves me still? It grew even more comfortable between the two of you as you drifted between conversations of the politics of the and between realms, to even the simplest of things such as trying to convince him that he was hungry, because who knows how long he was waiting for you? You felt yourself growing cautiously happy, watching him eat the dinner’s leftovers as you prepared for bed. Things felt normal, and it felt as if you were at home, at the Lin Kuei temple.

It seemed as if you were going to bed with your husband.

“Taking off your clothes?” You teased, “You’re just going to take control of my room like that?”

He looked at you, smirking softly. He seemed to be doing things differently, taking off each garment slowly, starting with untying the bands around his arms. You felt your face burn, but you played it off by rolling your eyes, which caused him to laugh. When the two of you did make it into your bed, the two of you didn’t sleep. Conversation about anything spilled out from your mouths, including how much you hated your friends’ updates on their lives which you were pretty sure was just to put everyone around them down. Bi-Han assured you that you were perfect, that their lives were nothing compared to yours.

And when you woke up that morning, he was there. You were up first for some reason, early sunlight shining through the room. You looked over to see Bi-Han sleeping next to you, his hair falling over his face. But what caused you to hold your breath was that his arm was draped over you. You thought that you were dreaming, but everything, the heaviness of his arm, told you that it was real. You closed your eyes, trying to make the moment last a little bit longer, a small smile on your face.

A/N: I just graduated from university, so I am super sorry for taking forever to post the second part, but there is more to come.

- @sunsethw4 @cwbylikeyou @heartsia @neadivana, hope you all enjoyed it, and sorry it took forever 😭😭

137 notes · View notes

erospandemos · 1 year ago

Text

I just can't help it

Yandere Chaewon x Reader

Part 1

“The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.”

― Ernest Hemingway, Men Without Women

What you’re about to read is a confession to you. An apology, if you prefer to call it that, as I’ve professed my love to you plenty of times—although it won’t ever be enough—and you’re at the knowledge of every crime I’ve committed since we met.

My Korean teacher repeatedly reiterated the lack of clarity in my essays and oral exams. I’m not good with words, you see. That’s why I thought that letting you know about the events in my life that shaped me and the feelings that followed me throughout these months would make you understand me better.

I know our conversations weren’t as deep as you probably expected. I’ve tried to explain myself to the best of my abilities and even if it was a mess you seemed to make out that flurry of words and comfort me. Sometimes, I truly thought you understood me more than I did.

It’s true that we always talked in riddles and puzzles but it made more sense that way. Because our—my—love was pure madness and somehow the riddles explained it better than we ever could.

The lack of sleep shouldn’t have affected my mind too much, at least in the part that’s in charge of writing.

If you’re reading this, I hope you understand. Sorry if I’m rambling a lot, and sorry if I will ramble more in the following pages. Right, sorry if I’m apologizing a lot—you told me not to do that. I just can’t help it.

I was tortured since the age of 6 when I started going to elementary school, that’s as far as I can remember. You could also say I was “bullied”, it’s what the adults like to call it, but it’s the same thing. People get defensive, almost offended when I use the other term. “Wow,” was a common reaction, “that’s a bit extreme, don’t you think?” I didn’t think it was extreme.

When I so naively asked my teacher the difference between the two words, she chuckled and looked at me as if I asked her what the difference between hot and cold was. Surprise was another clear feeling I could read from her expression. She asked me how I knew those words. I simply said I heard them from outside and she told me to forget them.

That evening, when I came home, I took the chair from my mother’s desk and put it next to the bookshelf, I climbed it and looked at the books on the top shelf. They were the books she used the least and between them, sitting all dusty and forgotten, was also the dictionary.

I blew and rubbed the dust away then I looked for the two words. I read the two definitions closely and more than one time but I still didn’t understand. They were the same.

I didn’t ask my teacher anything else. My teacher was clearly against explaining them to me.

But I was sure, I knew those two words extremely well because I felt them on my skin.

I wanted to be an idol. I told everyone in my class because I thought it was a normal dream—we all watched idols on TV in the afternoon—and being an astronaut seemed a lot harder. Apparently, it wasn’t. Because I wanted to perform on a stage, I was “pretentious”, “narcissistic”, an “attention-seeker”, and a “whore”. I didn’t know what they meant and thought they were compliments and they etched those words into my skin.

I later found their definitions in the dictionary and understood what they were saying.

I wasn’t the only girl who wanted to be an idol. Hayoon, a classmate of mine, dreamt of testing for JYP, SM, YG, and all those big companies. She took dance and singing classes, they were both in group and private. She could afford it because her family was very rich. From what I heard in the classroom, she started training when she was just a little girl because her parents saw her dancing in front of the TV during an episode of Inkigayo.

Surprisingly, Hayoon was never shamed. Because she was “humble” and had “her feet on the ground”. She was loved by everyone and was the most favored prospect for the role of an idol, everyone seemed to believe in her dream. She was confident, danced well, and was beautiful. All the girls went to her house at least twice a month to go to her huge pool, splendid garden, and majestic house. I never went, I was never invited.

She was good at everything and topped all subjects. However, I sang better than her. In music classes and festivals, I was always chosen and often took the roles instead of her. When she realized she wasn’t the best, she became embarrassed and frustrated.

She didn’t have any way of making me sing worse and neither could sing better than me, even after all those expensive lessons, so she took to poking fun at me to try and drag me down. Of course her friends joined as well. They were always calling me "ugly", "weird", and "gross" in a way that didn’t seem childish or playful, but demeaning and insulting.

The other kids constantly berated me between classes, glued my books to the desk, slapped me and then ran away. They knew all the spots where there was no CCTV in the school. They even stole my brand-new headphones and glued my shoestrings to my shoes when I didn’t see them. We wore slippers and my shoes were in my locker.

My teachers never helped me. I’ve tried telling them and they didn’t believe me, or rather, they chose not to believe me because that was easier for them.

Only a girl had the courage to help me, it only took one word and two days to have everyone against her. “Stop,” she only said that and then everyone hated her. You never go against the group, you never try to make yourself different, you never try to fight back.

In the end, I understood the difference between torture and bullying: one was for hurting and one was for fun.

During middle school, the bullying stepped up a notch. Some of my classmates went to my same middle school, they had many friends there and the rumors spread like wildfire. Many of the students liked to take their stress out by bullying other students. They were pathetic and talentless, they hated anyone who had potential unless they provided them anything, like Hayoon.

Smoking was illegal. But they didn’t care. They found all the corners of the school where the CCTV didn’t see them and studied where the professors usually walked to avoid their path. It wasn’t always perfect and sometimes they were caught but it sure helped them and the bullies.

One day, I was dragged by my hair behind the basketball court and after getting pushed to the ground, the girls started slapping, laughing, and kicking me. The smoke from their cigarettes and the kicks to my belly and back took the air out of me. I couldn’t breathe and I thought I was going to die. They were experienced—they noticed my lack of breath, gave me breaks to catch it, and started kicking me again.

They were caught by a teacher who forgot his bag. They claimed they were only giving me “birthday punches” and didn’t admit anything, nor apologized. They weren’t stupid either. The girls had a very good reputation and a good student persona, essentially they didn’t have any criminal records.

When I was asked what happened, I was ready to tell them all the atrocities that took place in school. But then, I remembered the girls’ eyes. I looked at the professor and I knew, right there and then, that he didn’t believe me, even before I said anything. They wouldn’t have done anything but the word would have been out, that I snitched on the bullies and then I wouldn’t have survived.

So I stayed silent.

The girls only got punished for smoking after they explained they only wanted to try and continued to do it anyway.

Between the end of middle school and the start of high school, the bullies got more creative. They tied me up and broke my legs with a crowbar. The older the girls got, the more of them wanted to be idols, and the first thing they had to do was to get rid of the competition. They succeeded as I stopped dancing altogether since that day.

I continued singing but nobody wants to see an idol in a wheelchair, right?

After I couldn’t walk normally anymore, they started treating me like a rag. They used me to clean the bathroom, by pushing me around on the floor, putting my face against the toilet, and mopping me with dirty water. I was like a toy to them and their friends joined the fun.

Part 2

It was no wonder that many bullied students leave the school. Sometimes, they leave on their own, because they can’t stand the torture anymore, other times, the school removes them. The bullies only bully others because they can and they know they can get away with it: they have influential parents or come from wealthy families, so the school can only quietly get rid of the problem and those are the victims that can’t stay quiet.

The class in my department didn’t have many students but it was enough: 20 students. During the year, 5 students left, and at the end of the year, 2 others were sent to another school in the province. The remaining 13 weren’t enough to be left alone in the classroom so they joined us with a class from another department that also lost many students. In total, we were 31, which was a big number but they didn’t have any other choice.

You were one of those students. I only noticed you after a week because I got used to keeping my eyes low not to anger any of my classmates. You sat beside me. People usually tend to avoid me since they could also become victims of the bullies but you knew it and it was your decision.

“Is this seat taken?” you asked me. When I heard your voice, I had a moment of hesitation. I kept staring at the wooden desk but then I thought that you might have accused me of being rude for ignoring you and that would have been a good enough reason to pick on me, so I raised my eyes.

“No, it isn’t,” I replied. Your eyes were cold. I genuinely thought you were a bully too.

“Then, can I seat here?”

“You can if you want…” I told you, unsure. “But I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“What? You fart a lot?”

I was taken aback. “No! I don’t.”

“I suppose it’s fine then,” you said and took the chair out to take your desk. You started getting ready for the lesson and didn’t seem to have any intention of doing anything to me. Every time someone spoke to me, it was to make a comment, make a joke, or give me an order. Still, I was suspicious of you.

The lesson proceeded as usual. You took your notes very diligently, writing almost everything the teacher said, making graphs and small summaries to keep your memory fresh. If you were to tell me you were the top student in your class, I would have believed it and later I’d find out you really were.

Your behavior wasn’t the one of a bully. And it wasn’t the behavior of a bullied either.

At the end of the last lesson before the lunch break, the teacher gave us surveys for our future career choices. I stared at the paper with a pen in my hand. What should I write? My future, my future was stolen from me. My dream was as meaningful as an ant’s life. After everything they did and said to me, a miserable life of insignificance and sadness sounded perfectly fit for me. I kept wondering and pondering until you turned to me.

“What do you want to do when you grow up, Chaewon?” you asked me while you were lazily spinning your pen between your fingers.

“I- I don’t know, what about you?” I stuttered. I couldn’t bring myself up to pronounce those words. I felt as if I had been banished from even muttering them and thinking about it only brought me horrible memories.

“Web security,” you said. “I go around and check companies’ safety in their servers and sites. I’ve already started an internship so I’m sure it’s what I’m going to do.”

“An internship? This early?”

“Yeah, I figured the more experience I get, the better. I got nothing better to do anyways.”

“Don’t you have any hobbies? Don’t you hang out with your… friends?”

“I don’t have that many friends, to be honest,” you replied nonchalantly. “I mean, I do go out like once every three months so it isn’t a lot but I still have friends I can talk to. I’ve never been good with people, I guess.”

“Ah, is that so?”

“I was always better on my own. I tried a lot of stuff and I liked web stuff better,” then you turned to me for a second time, looking at me more intensely than before, “but you didn’t answer my question yet. What do you wanna do?”

Being put on the spot like that, I wasn’t sure about what I was allowed to say. More than that, I didn’t know what I really wanted, if the dust of my once desire was still in me if my heart wasn’t dead cold. However, after all these years, a subtle string of fate kept me going and it was still something that I liked doing.

I looked at your eyes. They didn’t scare me.

“I want to be… an idol,” I said in a single breath. After I finished the sentence, a heavy feeling of guilt dawned on me. I felt as if I just committed a crime and I was in danger.

But you didn’t judge me.

“An idol, huh?” You laid back on your chair. “That’s pretty cool. I know it’s very hard if you really want to do it, props to you. It takes some guts to train for that stuff. To dance all day, to have everyone look at you, it’s something.”

“Do- do you think I can do it?”

“I don’t know, you tell me. I don’t know how well you dance, or how good you sing, or even what you tested for.”

“But is it a possible dream?”

“You can watch idols too, right? They had the same dream as you did. They did it. I think it’s possible, yeah. And I think you can do it, Chaewon.”

When you said that, I felt so relieved. It was comforting. Finally, I found someone that didn’t hate me, that didn’t shame and believed in me.

Just as you stopped talking, the bell rang. It was the time.

“Oh, look at her, ms. Idol,” said Yejun and pushed my head away for fun. He started laughing.

“Hands off, Yejun. And go away before I sock you in the face,” you said.

“I’m so scared, oh my god,” he laughed. “What do you think you’ll do huh? Do you want to protect this filthy rag? How generous,” he said and then slapped me.

“That’s enough, fuckface,” you got up and stared into his eyes. “That’s the last warning. Leave before I do something I might regret.”

He scoffed. “Really, you talk a lot. Don’t forget that you work for my father.”

“I don’t think you get it, Yejun. I don’t just work for your father. He depends on me. One click and his whole 20 servers will blow up. Do you really think that incompetent fool of your father fixed all the problems? He doesn’t know shit about his stuff, he only knows how to count money and scam his workers. There are so many weaknesses I could just hack the whole thing and change your company to my name.”

“You aren’t funny.”

“I wasn’t trying to be. Now, that I’ve seen who this rag of yours is, tell your friends to keep their hands off her. I don’t want to see your father come back and beg at me and he’ll know it was all your fault. Everyone listens to you apparently, so spread the word. I won’t hesitate.”

Yejun stormed out of the class in anger.

I felt like I was reborn, that I finally found my savior. You were the angel I needed and you came to save me from this hell.

“I don’t like this place, let’s get out of here,” you said and I followed you.

We went to grab lunch but right behind the vending machines you got attacked. He called you a nerd, whatever he did, but I couldn’t stand it. I felt a force in me and I grabbed his neck, I squeezed until he couldn’t breathe anymore.

I’ll be honest, if it wasn’t for you trying to get me off, I would have killed him.

Just as that guy run off, you freaked out. I didn’t blame you. Still, you took my arm and pulled me to somewhere more covered to talk to me, scared that someone else might have seen it. I could see the surprise in your eyes, but you didn’t look terrified, you were concerned if anything.

Your hand was still bleeding, the red liquid dripped to the floor. I stared at the droplets, slowly coloring the grey concrete, as if it was the ticking of a clock. At each tick, I was getting more impatient, there was something inside me that wanted to jump out, run after who hurt you, and make him pay for it. But I had to calm down, you were in front of me.

“Chaewon, what the hell!” you whisper-shouted while repeatedly glancing behind your back and into the hallway. “Where did that come from?”

“I-I don’t know what happened,” I stuttered. I was saying the truth—at the time, I truly didn’t know why I reacted in the way I did. I never raised my hands, I never talked back, I never reacted.

“Shit, I’m bleeding a lot,” you cursed. You gritted your teeth and started walking towards the school clinic. I followed you.

You talked to me as we were walking. “You don’t just choke people randomly, you know?”

“I- I really swear! I pro-promise… I have no idea what happened!”

“Listen, Chaewon, I saw you pinning his neck against the wall. You raised a senior with one hand.”

When we were in front of the nurse's office, you pinched your nose and waved your hand to stop me from talking. The cuff of your white shirt was stained with red, it already spread so much in just a short time. You must have been in pain. My blood was boiling.

“You can explain yourself later,” you said and opened the door. “I have to close this wound first.”

I followed you into the room. For some reason, the room was empty, there was no trace of the nurse and it looked like she hasn’t been there for a long time as everything was very tidy and the coat hanger was empty. Often, when people can avoid work, they’ll do it. The nurse must have seen that there was no one needing her in the morning and decided to leave for some coffee.

You sat on one of the beds, keeping your arm stretched out so the blood wouldn’t stain the sheets and with another hand, you searched into the cabinet for something you could help yourself with. You took out bandaids, alcohol, gauze and cotton buds. You really made a mess, trying to pour the alcohol on your arm and spilling half of the content on the floor.

After sloppily cleaning yourself with cotton, you got the bandaids.

“Do you really think bandaids will do?” I asked you. “It’s way too deep.”

“Is there any other way?”

“Yeah, we have to put stitches on you.” I took the chairs from the desk and sat in front of you. In the cabinet beside the bed, there were also needles and thread for that procedure. Luckily there was an anesthetic as well.

I put on gloves. I cleaned your wound again, better than you did before, and applied the anesthetic gel. It took about two minutes to take effect, in the meanwhile I prepared the rest of the equipment I needed: forceps, curved needle, and new thread.

When I was sure you didn’t feel anything, I started stitching your wound.

“How did you learn this?” you asked me so curiously.

“I… I got used to taking care of myself,” I said softly. It was embarrassing. You nodded. I could feel your eyes scan me, looking at all my bruises, the bandaids on my face, and many more wounds underneath my shirt.

You sighed. “I’m sorry. I hope they won’t attack you anymore. Always stay with me, they are scared of people who have a known name.”

“Thank you, but I don’t think it will do anything.”

“Just do as I say,” you repeated. I could see how sure you were from your face. You definitely didn’t see, as my face was facing the floor, but I smiled for the first time after you said that. Your desire of protecting me was honest. I was really happy that you cared for me.

When I came home, I had the time to think through what happened that day. As I was drinking a cup of water, I looked at myself in the reflection of the window, my fingers tracing my wounds and bruises, itching the dried blood on my nails. Where did that strength come from? I could have sworn they had taken every ounce of energy from me, I knew I had no will, no ambition, no desire to even talk back until today. And yet, I hurt him.

I felt good. It didn’t feel good to hurt him per se but to know I defended you. As to him, I should have killed him. But you stopped me. You shouldn’t have done that. He hurt you. That shabby gross fool tried to hurt you, how could he?!

I was so lucky to have caught you before it was late. I couldn’t imagine what would have happened to you if he succeeded—the bruises on your face, the blood on your face—you would have looked just like me. No, I couldn’t stand that. You didn’t deserve to go through the pain that I did, not after you defended me. Oh, if only I could lay my hand on those sinners, the pain I could inflict them, all the experiences that I felt inside my skin, into my very flesh.

I want to hear them scream. To beg for forgiveness. To regret their very existence. I want them to apologize to you, to offer their life…

Crack

I looked down at my hands. What a mess. I completely shattered the cup I was holding—bits of sharp glass everywhere, even some into my skin. The veins of my hand were bulging, I could feel the blood in my body flowing so fast and forcefully. The adrenaline was high in my brain.

I didn’t realize what I did until I heard the sudden noise.

It was true, just as you said. It wasn’t me. But why? This must have happened because I was thinking of you getting hurt… yes, it was your thought, just you. It was because of you. I didn’t want to see you hurt, you were my only hope in this world, just the thought sent a shock through my spine and into my head, and I would go crazy.

You made me like this.

Completely insane.

“Chaewon! What happened?” I heard Yujin calling me and I turned around to see her rushing out the hallway. Yujin was my roommate, we shared the rent because it was cheaper that way. She wasn’t a bad person, not at all. But she couldn’t understand my life, she lived between rich girls and handsome guys.

To be kind, you need to know what misery is. She was just nice.

“Oh, Kirin-chan,” I said.

“How did you break your glass?” she asked worryingly, grabbing a towel to clean my bloody hand of the bits of glass.

“My bad, I was standing up and it just slipped out of my hand.”

“Then how did it get all over your palm?”

“I slipped and fell right onto it, you know how clumsy I am.”

“Yeah,” she commented without much belief, “just like all the time you come home with bruises on your face.”

“It isn’t my fault if they don’t put warnings after cleaning the stairs.”

“It isn’t your fault,” she repeated. “Anyways, don’t forget to clean it up, I’ll go back to studying,” she ended, turning around and leaving the lounge to return to her prettier room.

I continued to stare at my hand.

I couldn’t help but think about you again… my head got foggy… my thoughts haunting…

What if they scarred you?

What if they bullied you?

What if girls broke your heart?

What if you were friends with the wrong people?

I knew I was crossing a line when those questions took form but it was too late and I didn’t even care anymore. It was a promise I made myself, to protect who I loved, and I swore I wouldn’t fail again. I would protect you forever, no matter what.

I feared that you’d run away from me but instead, we got way closer than before. When I walked into school the day after the incident, I was genuinely scared I wouldn’t have seen you—that you had stayed at home, that you changed class or even school. What worried me the most was the fact that you could have been scared of me.

I waited for you anxiously. I kept scratching my nails, rubbing my arms, looking around for you. So many times I got up and walked around the paths outside the school where I thought you’d usually walk, even if I didn’t know well what were your habits, and not finding you, I’d sit back at the wall and wait again.

After several minutes, you arrived at school. At the sight of you, my dizziness and worries faded away. I immediately ran at you and hugged you so tight, you had to know how much I missed you.

You were surprised, of course, you were. “Huh? What has gotten into you Chaewon?” you laughed jokingly.

“I just thought you wouldn’t come to school anymore,” I told you.

“Why would I do that? Today is a school day.”

“It’s okay, that’s perfect. I’m just so glad I can see you again.”

Part 3

The door opened to the locker room and I and the other trainees entered sitting down. They changed their clothes from casual streetwear to old clothes and gym wear. I’ve been training for a bit now, I got to know all the trainees well, there were a lot before but now they only remained half. The one that finished first started stretching. "It's one minute and a half. Let's do this," she sighed.

One of them threw to the other a white sheet with a name written on it and did the same with the others. "Here. Your name tags."

"That's it? Just a minute?" the girl chuckled.

"A minute and a half. Everyone does their part and it's a difficult choreography, don't you forget. It will be enough."

"It's for evaluation. Don't forget every detail counts," another girl added.

We went out of the room and made our way toward the practice room, each one with a name tag on it. The corridor leading to it was cold, probably because they just changed from thick to thin clothes, but it got hotter towards the end where the air got denser. One at a time, they entered bowing at the line of men sitting on the right of the mirror in front of the door.

Everyone had papers and a pen and a serious look plastered on their faces. After a couple of stretches, the girls got into position and the music started. They smiled and danced with their full capability and the judges looked sharp. When the music stopped they held their ending pose and went in a line waiting for their words. The air suddenly felt cold.

"There had been improvements on what we said the first time. But we can also fix others," the first said and the men nodded. They wrote on the paper and scribbled.

"You. When the others did their move you were coordinated and that's fine but you did it wrong. You need to raise your hand higher," he said making the move himself and the girl followed.

"Can you do the move a bit before the ending?" another one asked, gesturing his intention. "Yes, that one. Please get into the position and do it."

They did and when it came to the next section he spoke again, "One more time."

"Once more."

"Five...six.. seven... eight... an-"

"Okay," he said and got up walking to the center of the room. He demonstrated the move more and more times. "Don't tense your muscles too much when you do this alright?"

"But," the oldest got up, "you were all a lot better today, good job. Specially Soojin and Gaeul."

"That's it, goodbye," they said.

"Thank you!" the girls answered together.

BLAM. The oldest almost slips as he got out and the others held him up. The girls let out a muffled laugh, their mouths covered with their hands."See girls, don't tense your muscles too much or they won't work properly," the man chuckled. The judges left fast, embarrassed by their eldest and the group laughed in relief.

"Are we really doing this? They are not saying anything anymore."

The youngest looked at them from the ground, laid down breathing hard, and said, "We're close to debuting."

When everyone was done with their stuff and cleaned themselves they left. Almost all of them ran out to catch the last bus of the day or were just in a hurry. I, on the other hand, had to walk home so I did everything slower. When I got out, in the distance, I heard a group of girls around my age shouting and laughing. When they got closer, I realized they were my classmates, there were about four of them and they were drunk.

They noticed me.

"Look at you. It's late, pretty girls like you shouldn't stay out," one of them said and I frowned.

"Don't tell me. You were practicing?" she said laughing. The other three got in a semi-circle in front of me.

"It's a really difficult life isn't it, miss idol? Everybody wants you and you're here dancing until late," she mocked me, with her fingers under her eyes faking tears, and let out a hearty laugh. The choir followed with a carol of joy.

"It's sad really," she continued, "so popular but so tired."

She pushed me down on the ground and the group stepped back making more space for the two. She forcefully pulled my hair, forcing me to get up. The girl got closer and said, "And you're so pretty. It would be a shame if anything happened to this pretty face."

She slapped me. They laughed. They kicked me. I tried to defend myself, curling into a fetus position and protecting my head. They snickered as they continued wasting the effects of the alcohol on me. When they were finally satisfied, they got up and left me there on the side of the road and went away to the opposite way of where they came from.

I remained on the ground with tears on her face and sobbed trying not to make any noise, I wanted silence. However I heard their voices again, from the distance, and they were screaming.

"What do you think you're doing?!" the same girl as before squealed."We're girls, you think you can-." The group gasped.

"You're five and I'm one and you just beat that girl up. You think I care?" It was a male voice.

The girls ran away but the guy didn't try to chase them and walked to me.

"There's a convenience store nearby, we can get something cold for your face," he said with a soft tone. I recognized the voice and looked at him, I recognized his face too. It was you. My legs trembled a little as I held myself upon your shoulder for support. "It's fine, take your time," you said dusting my back.

At the shop, you bought a bag of frozen peas so I could put it on my face where it still hurts. "I ate those for dinner, they're great. I can use them for everything, look, you're using them too now," you said and I laughed. I calmed down a little and your face got more serious and worried.

"I told you. Starting from tomorrow I'll bring you home," you said.

"But it was only this time," I said.

"And the other four before."

"Kind of."

"Being there by 11:30 should be good."

"But you should sleep."

"I would just be studying, and either way, it's way better to have your company," you insisted, leaning down on the chair. A small smile formed on my face. Ever since that day, the two always walked home late at night even when it was freezing or when it was raining. We got way closer.

You grew up so well. Unfortunately, many girls seemed to notice you and fall for you. I don’t blame them, you were very charming, so attractive for such a young student but I couldn’t let them near you. They were fools, too stupid to realize they were nowhere close to your level, you were levels above and they were just insects. I had to make sure no one bothered you, to avoid you crying because some worthless bitch broke your heart.

I was surprised when you told me you got asked out. But then I felt my chest burn.

There’s only one thing that I can’t stand in this world and that’s people who think they can take what’s mine. I don’t care about gossip, jealousy or envy, I don’t have anyone to compete with, I just want what’s mine. And you are mine.

It was so easy to scare them away. All it took was a quick talk behind the school, a very convincing speech, a cutter to their throats…

They were scared of me. Good. You didn’t suspect anything—they’d still smile at me as if nothing happened, I made sure to tell them. I couldn’t let you know, to worry more than you already were.

The bullying had completely stopped towards me because you were always by my side defending me and eventually they all got the message. If you were just a crush before, now I love you. If I loved you, now I worship you. You’re my religion, my god, my purpose. I’ll kill for you, live for you, and I’ll love you forever. Wherever you go, I’ll follow you. Whether that’s heaven, hell, or any other world. My very existence is embroidered into your name, I can’t exist without you.

Things were going great, so great. You only had eyes for me. Those two beautiful pupils could only look at me, at my face, at my body, only at me. I loved when you stared at me, I was yours after all, you could watch how much you wanted.

That was until those two eyes became one. You got a big bruise on your left eye, it was swollen, black, and horrible.

You were waiting for me near the big tree behind the school like you always did, and you talked to me like you always did, without worry or pain. “Hey, Chaewon,” you greeted me.

“What happened?!”

“Nothing, I just hurt myself,” you lied. How naive you were, you were too kind, too nice. I didn’t believe you one single bit. I wonder why you did that? Why did you lie to me? Was it to protect whoever did that to you? To protect who hurt you?

“Tell me. Tell me, who hurt you?” I asked you calmly.

“It’s really nothing Chae… I’m serious, I only hurt myself—”

“TELL ME WHO THE HELL HURT YOU RIGHT FUCKING NOW!!!” I asked again, the sudden increase in volume startled you and you backed away into the tree. I didn’t know at the time, and you’d tell me later, but my eyes were empty. You got scared, I apologize, I just couldn’t help it.

“Ch-Chaewon?” you stuttered.

When I realized you were terrified, I calmed down. “Huh? Oh, my bad, sorry… I was just really worried, but now, please tell me.” I shook my head and took a couple of steps back.

“Okay, I will tell you… it was Seojun,” you finally confessed. “I bumped into him and spilled his drink on his uniform. I apologized, but since I was alone and his ‘friends’ were with him, they thought they could get their revenge on me.”

“I see… let’s get you some ice for that eye for now,” I told you and we started to walk into the infirmary for the second time. I hated walking into that place, especially with you. I tried my best to hold it inside me, not to scare you again, but I was going to snap anytime soon.

“Chae, are you alright?” you asked me.

“Oh, don’t worry about me, dear… and it will okay from now on. You don’t have to worry about Seojun anymore.”

You know, people say that the first time is special, you never forget it. The first time I bathed my hands in the warm liquid that is human blood, my body was cold. I felt hesitation at first, but I knew I was doing it for you, and thinking about you, all that fear was gone. And I killed him.

Yes, it was me that killed Seojun. I don’t regret one bit what I’ve done to him. I made sure he suffered as much as he made you suffer. An eye for an eye, as they say.

That day was special, it was like I confessed to you and instead of a ring, I gave you a life. It was only fair you’d give me your life in return.

The murder of Seojun made headlines in the news and when asked about it, the students never said anything nor praised or acted sad at his death. No one missed him. It’s quite sad that life can be so insignificant that not a single person will care about how gruesome your death was and forget you the next day. To be quite honest, he deserved it. We die in the same way we live.

You were a bit suspicious of me at first. You didn’t really doubt me—you were curious. The news of his death was delivered by our professor during the first period with a sigh before continuing the lesson. The reactions were mixed but mostly towards one extreme: relief.

When a bad person dies, two things will happen: if you’re a good person or a victim, you will be happy; if you’re equally bad then you’ll be scared, because you know he already got what he deserved and nothing prevented you from having the same fate as nothing is stronger than luck.

You were both worried and glad. I’ve always noticed how you tend to care about other people, it’s something that I really love about you, you just have to direct toward the people who deserve it. “Hey, Chae, do you know anything about Seojun’s murder?” you asked me during the break. You were hesitant at first but I was sure you’ve thought about it long enough to decide to spill it.

You must have thought about what I said the other day: You don’t have to worry about Seojun anymore.

“Huh?” I raised my eyebrow at you. “Why would I have anything to do with his death?”

“W-well… you see… you said that I didn’t have to worry about him anymore and the next day… he dies.” Your shoulders were so tight almost as if you were trying to keep the words inside of you. Your gaze flitted around the room, never settling on one person or object for long.

“It must have been a coincidence,” I told you. “And karma.”

“Right,” you muttered. Then you relaxed your shoulders.

“By the way,” I changed the topic, “there is going to be the last test before the debut at Hybe.”

Your eyes changed completely, they brightened. Every time I talked about my dream, you always seemed too excited for me. You fully believed in my ambition and constantly encouraged me to keep trying. Whenever I practiced, I always thought of you.

I always think of you.

“That’s awesome, Chae. It’s your opportunity, you wanted to become an idol all this time.”

“I will start practicing right away then,” I said. “I want to be with you that day. Can you come with me?”

“What day will it be?”

“Next Saturday, 4:00 pm.”

“Next Saturday… 4:00 pm,” you repeated. “I’ll make sure to be there—I will be there, I will.”

“Thank you,” I smiled and hugged you. You were still a bit against the idea of hugging but slowly you were getting used to it. I trusted that you’ll eventually come to love it.

I had prepared about four songs for the test: two for my singing and two for my dancing, one of them was good for both. I decided to be very broad with my songs because if they asked for more, I’d be prepared. You never know. I didn’t want to go there and have them ask for a random song and fail horribly.

You were waiting for me in front of the building with a little bag of snacks. I mentioned all of them before to you and you remembered. Some of them were for when I’d finish the whole thing and some as a snack to calm my nerves.

Honestly, I felt like you were my boyfriend already. If anyone saw us together, they’d say the same thing. Every little thing you did was so full of attention, I knew you cared for me, and I loved you so much.

Anyways, the time came. I bid you goodbye and entered.

The test went terribly wrong.

You waited two hours for me, only for me to blow it all up. When I came out, I was so embarrassed, I didn’t want you to see me at all.

“So Chae, how was it?” you asked but I didn’t reply. It was hard to come up with any word at all. I couldn’t even look at you in the eyes.

“Chae?”

“Chaewon?”

You finally got enough at the third time and you grabbed my shoulder to shake and direct my gaze at you. “Chaewon, answer me please!” you said with an upset tone.

“Do you… do you think I’m a failure?”

“What are you talking about?” you asked back.

“Hey, am I a failure? Tell me. Were the guys right? I am not meant to be an idol after all, should I give up after all? Tell me, please!” I hiccuped and cried. I was truly heartbroken. It was the test per se but the fact that I disappointed you, that I wasted all your determination and belief you had in me.

“Chaewon, no…” you whispered and went for a hug. It was awkward, you didn’t know how to hug. You tried to put a hand on my shoulder and one on my hip, but it didn’t work. Then you tried to put both of them on my shoulder but you looked like you wanted to headbut me. On the third try, you succeeded and properly hugged me very tightly.

I buried my head into your chest, it was where I could really feel safe.

“Chaewon, what happened in there? How did it go?”

“I FAILED! I BLEW IT ALL UP! IT’S ALL GONE!” I yelled and gripped you harder.

“How is that possible? You’re perfect, I mean, you sing so beautifully and you’re beautiful,” you said. “You’ve been practicing… why? How?”

“I’m sorry it’s that I was so worried. I got distracted. I continued to ask myself if I’d fail and so on… I knew the lyrics but I got jittery and…”

“No, Chaewon! I told you to believe in yourself. You can do it. You can do it.”

“But—”

“You have talent, Chae,” you repeated, “and I’ve seen it since day one. You will not fail. You just have to try again.”

I was embarrassed to see if I could try again but you weren’t and you stormed inside the building, dragging me by arm to ask the staff if I could try again. You explained everything and even pleaded with them until they gave in.

This time, you were waiting for me outside the door. I knew I wouldn’t fail again.

Don’t think about anything else. Focus.

I sang the first song. Just like I practiced. Then I danced. It was perfect.

I passed. I was so happy and I just had to tell you. I ran outside but you weren’t there.

I searched everywhere until I understood you weren’t in the building and had to search for you outside. I found you in an alley, bloody and bruised.

I immediately called the ambulance and they rushed you to the hospital. Your condition was so bad they had to x-ray your whole body and do a small surgery.

When I found you, you could barely talk or even breathe. You were laying in a pool of blood, that came from the numerous cuts all over your body—they weren’t clean but all rough and jacked, meaning they came from brute force and not blades. Your clothes were also messed up and ripped. Together, I could count on 19 injuries at least. I couldn’t understand at all. Why would someone do that to you? And how did it happen?

Together with you was a bag with two drinks and a couple of sandwiches. I suppose you went outside to a convenience store to buy something, maybe for me, and then… you were attacked. This may have been premeditated, it’s impossible a group of people randomly hurt you that bad.

I couldn’t stop crying, you know?

To see you in those conditions, I could only think of the worse.

What if you’d never wake up again?

What if you’d be miserable for the rest of your life?

What if you died?

It was my fault. I’m sorry, it was totally my fault. It was because I took way too long in the test, chatting with the staff, seeing the other girls so happily, while you were being jumped… I could have protected you, we could have gone home together and this would have never happened.

The doctor called me. “Kim Chaewon?”

“Yes?” I raised my eyes. I saw him and wiped my tears before standing up and walking to him.

“Is he okay…?” I asked.

“He’s not in danger is what I can tell you. Some of his bones are broken and he has received a concussion, he may be asleep for a while, you see,” he said.

“Can I see him?”

“Yes, you can,” the doctor agreed, “this way…”

He guided me toward another floor of the hospital. You have been transferred from the emergency room to the patient’s rooms. You were in the section where more care was needed—the hallway was quieter, everyone walked slower, and everything was more gentle.

I entered your room slowly, holding myself up with a hand on the door frame and then I saw you. Your eyes were closed. Your whole body was covered in bandages and you were hooked to all sorts of machines with cables and cords everywhere. It was almost like seeing a puppet tied up in strings and they were keeping you alive.

I was scared to come close to you. I feared that any of my movements could have damaged you even more. You were so fragile at that moment.

I gently lowered myself to the chair next to your bed and held your hand. I cried. I cried again, so much. I couldn’t help but keep thinking it was my fault. If only I was quicker…

Some of your items were put in the drawer. I noticed your phone together with your wallet and backpack. The screen was cracked and some of the blood crusted into the cracks. I don’t know why I felt curious but I unlocked the screen—you trusted me enough to let me know your password months ago to check some messages while you were busy cooking—and it opened KakaoTalk. You were texting me and the phone memorized it.

Chae be careful the bullies might be after you

Don’t go in the shortcut at the

Oh, dear. You were on the brink of death and all you could think was to warn me, to protect me. You didn’t even think of calling for help. I understood everything. It was those bullies again… they didn’t forget, did they? It’s because their life turned to hell after they didn’t have anyone to bully anymore and they got revenge but attacking you.

I was angry. I was furious. I was so pissed that I unconsciously cracked your phone even more. It was that feeling again, all over—the fire in my chest.

I will kill them. Each one of the. I will make them suffer. I will tear them to shreds. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them. I will kill them.

I will make them pay for everything they have done for you.

They were so stupid. It was so easy to trick them: I attacked their leader when he was coming home late and forced him to send a message to everyone who was involved in your attack—he confessed right away when I showed him my knife.

The guys came on point the next day. It was all so easy. They always hung out at the abandoned warehouse where they could make all the mess they wanted and dragged their victims to torture them properly and in private. Now they were dragging themselves to their death.

I dressed in black that day. You never liked seeing me in black. People used to tell me I tried to stand out too much so they forced me to use torn, old, ugly clothes, but when they stopped tormenting me, you brought me to buy more clothes for me.

But that day I wasn’t dressing as the victim. I was in the guise of the Grim Reaper.

I prepared my knives, axes, clamps, nails, and staplers and waited for them in the building.

Humans are so easy to kill. They are so frail and mortal—I had to be extremely careful not to let them die immediately to cause them all the pain they deserved. I’ll spare you the details. You don’t have to know of the gruesome parts of their murder. I’ll just tell you everything they did to you and in their years of bullying, I did to them. From crowbars to knives, to fire and stabbing.

When the last one stopped screaming, I felt at peace. The silence was absolute. I couldn’t even hear the wind, the cars, or the noises of the city. It was completely quiet.

I finally avenged you.

Part 4

Disposing of the bodies was quite simple but extremely tiring. I had to chop their bodies to bits, bury them and hide all the evidence. I cleaned with bleach all my weapons, the floor, and the walls of the warehouse. I had to soil the floor since it was dirty before and I couldn’t leave a clean patch in there, it would have been a dead giveaway.

Of course, I had to get rid of all their phones. I broke them into little pieces before grinding them up to a bag of dust and flushing them down the toilet.

I got most of my weapons from around the city. I stole the knives from the school kitchen and returned them to them. I did the crime on a Friday night and finished in the evening of Saturday so they wouldn’t have noticed the disappearance of their tools. I bought the rest of the tools from a hardware store so I could have just put it in someone else’s garage.

I couldn’t burn my clothes or rags because that would have caught the attention of my neighbors or anyone nearby so I colored it with all sorts of paints so the blood would have been unrecognizable. If anyone analyzed them, it would look like they were of an artist. And then I disposed of them.

Burying the bodies was the most laborious part and I could only do it during the night. It took me both Saturday and sunday to get rid of all the evidence.

The next days were all marked by nightmares. I didn’t dream of what I did. What haunted me was you leaving me. I was afraid that my crime could have separated us.

Chaewon, you’re a monster.

I can’t be friends with a murderer.

I can’t love a killer.

I hate you.

I wish you died.

I was distressed and jittery during the day and couldn’t sleep at night. Many times I would get distracted in those thoughts, imagining all the things you could say to me, and not realize people calling me. I would often zone out and not hear anything else.

“Chaewon? Are you okay?” my classmates would tell me. I would snap out of my daze and realize most of them were looking at me then I’d realize I actually chipped a corner of the table off with my grip.

“Oh, I’m sorry, it’s nothing,” I could only say. They would continue with the day forgetting about it or just tell their friends excitedly about a classmate with a freakish strength.

It was especially hard when I was training with the other trainees but I told myself you wouldn’t be proud of me if I wasn’t doing my best and forced myself to dance.

On Monday, their disappearance was announced but nobody could find anything. Not a single trace. The secret was safe with me.

They also announced your attack but they didn’t connect the two events together, assuming you were also a victim. The attacks in this Korea were common anyways. Bullying was so widespread you could say it was part of our culture.

After a week. you were still asleep. The doctor concluded that they must have stomped your head too for you to be concussed that badly. They damaged the nerves.

Unfortunately, I knew only after I killed them. If I knew I would have done the same to them so they could feel the pain you felt but I guess cutting their limbs counts as nerve damage as well.

I was getting extremely impatient waiting for your awakening. The doctor couldn’t help me but it wasn’t their fault. I’ve only realized now how much I relied on you and those days without you were as sad as Halloween without candies.

When I woke up, I couldn’t tell if the Sun rose already or if it was still sunrise, it was timid, and the light cast a somber hue in the room. It was gray and pale. The soundscape was eerily quiet, the usual chirping birds seemed to have disappeared, as if even nature was mourning alongside me.

Walking through the corridors of the school, I felt like a solitary figure amidst a sea of faces. Conversations echoed around me, yet they seemed distant. The classrooms, usually alive with energy, felt suffocatingly silent.

I couldn’t help but notice how happy the other students went on with their days, completely ignoring what happened to you. Worst of all, some students even mocked you, saying you were a loser and you deserved it. My bloodthirst was beyond the roof. I had to hold myself back a lot not to commit other killings, reminding myself that I could have raised a case of a serial killer if I wasn’t careful enough.

I thought I had been sneaky enough not to raise any suspicion but I didn’t know the only person to find out would have been you.

I was in an alley near the hospital when I met one of those mean girls. They were badmouthing you and I had to make sure they wouldn’t do it again. I didn’t kill them, you don’t have to worry about that. I merely sent a message, a little punishment. I got one nail for each insult they said toward you. Poor them, they won’t have nails for months—I hope it hurts.

They ran away but when I turned around, I saw you. You were looking at me so horrified and disgusted.

“I had my suspicions, Chae…” you said. “The coincidence was too perfect. I woke up and saw the news, I knew it was you. And now, I’m sure.”

“You’re mistaken, dear,” I tried to say foolishly.

“Chae, I saw everything.” Your face morphed into an extreme melancholy, of disappointment and sadness. My face instead contorted into a horrified frown. You… my best and only friend, my love. You discovered my worse secret—I knew what the consequences were and I knew what the risks were.

“I mean, what are you even doing here? Weren’t you still sleeping?”

“I woke up this morning—I got discharged—and the doctor let me take a walk… and then I saw you.”

“Do you know what I did all of this, darling?” I asked, my nerves were so tense and my blood was pumping like crazy. I was getting more and more scared. There was a thread inside me that was being pulled and pulled…

“W-what is it?” you asked with hesitation.

“It’s because… I… I love you.”

I saw the shock on your face but I couldn’t stop myself anymore. I did it. I snapped. You found out and there was no turning back. You didn’t have a choice either.

“W-what? What are you saying?”

“Darling, don’t you get it? I love you so so so so so much. I love you so much—to the point I killed for you. Yes, I did kill them. I murdered them. I slaughtered them. I made them suffer, love, the way they made you suffer… Please! Please understand—I’m doing this because I love you.”

“Chae, you’re scaring me. Stop…”

“Oh, don’t be scared, my love. I would never harm you or kill you… I would only cherish you—in fact, I did all of this to protect you from those bastards! I love you with all of my heart.”

That fire inside of me took over again and this time I was already glued to you, my knee under your thigh, pinning you to the wall, a hand on your cheek and one near your waist. You couldn’t move at all, I wouldn’t let you. I was finally this close to you… your skin was so smooth and soft—just like you, my precious baby.

Maybe I was smiling a bit too much. You’d describe to me later that I looked psychotic, yes, I was crazy.

You didn’t know how to react. I admit, you were so cute—so vulnerable and fragile, just at my mercy. Yet, you dared to take and push my hand away from your face.

“Chae, I’m sorry,” you said and it almost broke my heart, “but I just… I-I- I don’t know…” you said.

“What aren’t you sure about? Is it my love? Is it not clear enough?” I asked. “I’ll do anything for you, just ask me.”

“Please stay away from me,” you replied, “for a while.”

“What are you saying, darling?”

“Chae… you’re my best friend and I understand why you did all of that. I do. But I need to think about it. Don’t worry, I won’t say this to anyone, no one at all, but I need to stay alone for a bit,” you pleaded, “I just recovered too.”

“Okay, fine,” I agreed. You were right. It was a bit too much for you, especially after you just woke up from that concrete hospital bed. Also, I knew I could trust you. You never betrayed me so that did not scare me.

You slowly backed away and left me, alone in the alley.

I don’t know why but I started laughing hysterically.

I thought I messed up a lot. That isn’t the way your lover should look at you, right? Terrified and pleading on the verge of tears. You should have looked at me lovingly. I was so scared you’d leave me and I couldn’t let you do that. I needed you too much.

But then you left me waiting for almost a month. I respected your choice and didn’t contact you at all but it’s been too long. I figured that knowing I killed tormented you so I didn’t touch anyone else but rather I kept it to simply threatening them verbally and that seemed to work.

You have to understand I couldn’t take it anymore. Looking at your pictures every night wasn’t enough. Listening to your voice from the vocal messages wasn’t enough. Smelling the shirts I stole from you wasn’t enough, and the smell was fading away. My imagination wasn’t enough, especially when I knew I could have you and I was just waiting for the right moment.

Then the right moment came. I sent you a message just to let you know, you couldn’t say no. I went right to your house, which I came over to many times already, and even your mother knew me. She let me inside with a smile, she was so kind. I knew where you got that virtue from.

I heard you running frantically around your room. You must have been dressing up, so I waited until you were done, knocked, and opened the door. Your room smelled just like I remembered it, it was so good, it was just you.

“It’s been a while, Chae,” you said, clearly nervous. “How are you doing?”

“I’m doing terrible, honey,” I answered honestly and you gulped. “You know, I’ve been good to you. I waited and did nothing else. I did not kill or hurt anyone. I let you have your space, then why did you disappear for an entire month?”

“I kept thinking and reflecting on what happened…”

“For a month?” I was furious. “Did you try to make me forget you? Did you try to forget me?”

“It’s that… It has been a tough month,” you said. “My best friend murdered 6 people, or more… How could I go back to what we were before? You killed… humans.”

“So? They didn’t deserve to live anyways. I did it for you.”

“No, Chae—”

“They beat you up so badly you couldn’t even walk!” I snapped. “They badmouthed you, they laughed at you and… why are you defending them?!”

“Yes, but you took their lives.”

“They were going to take your life too! Don’t you get it?”

“Chae, please—”

“No! Shut up! I can’t take this anymore! I can’t forgive them. They’re always making fun of you, beating you up, torturing you—just because you’re my friend! But you keep shoving it away and get hurt for me… I- I…”

I hugged you. I had to hold onto something and you were the only one that could have helped me stand up. All those years… I was so pent up, I was so tired of it. I know you told me many times to let it be but I can’t. Sorry, I just can’t help it. I can’t let anyone walk away after they hurt you, even if it’s something as little as pinching you, because you mean too much to me.

“Darling, I love you!” I sobbed and pleaded onto your chest, bathed by my tears, “I missed you so much. If I don’t see you even for a day, it starts to hurt, you know? I’ll do anything to stay with you, anything! Just tell me! I want to see you every day, I can’t let you leave like this…”

“If it’s like this,” you started, “we can make a deal.”

“A-a deal? Really?”

“Yes, a deal. You can see me how much you want but absolutely no killing. No physical assault and no insults to anyone.”

“Is that it?”

“Yes, you just have to restrain yourself.”

“Very well. Then, I promise, I will never kill again, I swear. Does that mean I can see you every day?” I asked. My tears finally stopped pouring out, the hiccup was still there, but I could focus and talk to you properly now. I took a deep breath and spoke, “Then you have to be my boyfriend from now on.”

“What did you just say?” you asked with confusion.

“You can’t say no. You are my boyfriend now. You know already, I told you so many times. I love you with all of myself.”

I knew you liked me a little already. I wasn’t sure if it was as strong as my love for you was, although I doubt it can, I knew you were interested in me. No one would stick with me for that long and no one would defend me from all those bullies. I knew you loved me, of course you did, you always took care of me since our first day and I couldn’t help but fall for you too.

I tried my best to change my appearance to suit your ideal type more. I dressed better, I dieted, I worked out, and I practiced so much that I wouldn’t disappoint you.

“Chae, are you sure? I’m just a regular guy and you’re an idol…”

“Don’t lie to yourself, honey. I wouldn’t give myself to just anyone. You never laughed about me, you believed in me when nobody else did, and you infected me with your kindness and humanity. You’re the best man I can ask for.”

“Thank you…”

“You’ll be my boyfriend and I’ll be your girlfriend, okay? Do you accept?”

“Uhm…”

“Do you accept?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

“Ma’am?” I laughed. “Don’t tell me you have some weird fetish going on… It’s okay. Just tell me, I won’t mind, hehe.”

Part 5

You have been very strict with me. The first thing you did was to establish a set of rules and all the punishment that would have resulted in breaking them. You’ve been very clear in defining them and made sure I understood you were very serious about it and would absolutely punish me if I dared to not respect them. They were something along the line of:

NO KILLING. The punishment is an instant break-up.

NO BODY HARM to anyone. The punishment is no contact for two weeks.

NO KIDNAPPING/STALKING/THREATENING other people. The punishment is no skin touching for a week.

RESPECT YOU. We’re together in this relationship and I have to listen to you.

TRUST YOU. You'll leave me if I don’t trust you when you tell me you aren’t cheating.

I accepted them and we started dating. Our relationship was as good as it was before but this time I got to be as clingy as I wanted, hugging you as much as I wanted, holding your hand wherever we went, and most of all you gave me a lot of head pats. You always gave me head pats to congratulate me when I did well in school or had a good performance.

It was difficult to respect those rules and you showed me how convinced you were of them when I broke the hand of a guy who shoved you against the lockers. You really ghosted me for two weeks without saying anything. When they ended I couldn’t help but jump on you and I promised to be more careful. Since then, I didn’t break any other rules and you showed me your love in so many ways, I lost count of them.

We learned a lot about each other and helped each other all the time. You helped me be more confident with my skills and get angry (but you told me I was cute when I got mad). You were always a bit discouraged with your work, giving up easily, and I made sure you knew how great you were. Just like me, school has really made you more insecure about yourself, but when we were together, we achieved a lot more.

Recently I discovered a hidden diary you used to keep under your bed, between the mattress and the frame. The last thing you wrote was months ago, way before the incident, and it was you rambling about me. ABOUT ME! And it was so adorable. “I have the biggest crush on my friend!” You wrote on the last page.

I stared at the words in a daze, it was like the words were screaming in my face. I was used to only obsessing over you and knowing you were going through the same thing warmed my heart.

You know, I’ve never believed in good endings, but with you, I think I finally found one where we are the protagonists. Our story is not like a fairy tale, it’s far from perfect, I am not a princess, nor could ever be one. However, you made me feel like one and I’m more than sure you’re my prince.

Sorry if I am always so obsessive and so imperfect, I just can’t help it.

THE END

Written, 7 June - 27 June 2023

#yandere #yanderekpop #yanderekpopgg #kpop #lesserafim #chaewon #chaewon yandere #angst

428 notes · View notes

morganski-19 · 15 days ago

Text

Chills Right to the Marrow part 57

ao3 link| part 1 . . . part 54, part 55, part 56

This part takes place across parts 27, 28, and 29

The look on Steve’s face burns right through Eddie. The words he understood, but those eyes. The pain, the fear, the regret. All melding together to form the worst storm Eddie’s ever seen. Painting a picture, he can’t begin to understand, or even see. Time slows in that gaze, the ripple of mixed feelings spreading out like molasses.

Steve breaks away, blinking away the smudge on his waterline. Ripping the door of Eddie’s hospital room open faster than Eddie can process.

“Steve,” he calls out. Softer than he wants, but the words are still tangled in that storm. “Wait.”

The door clicks quietly, he wasn’t even angry enough to slam the door.

“What was that about?” Wayne’s voice comes from where he sits. Eddie completely forgetting his presence in the room.

Steve was afraid of losing him. Eddie was important enough for Steve to lose.

“Please go find him,” Eddie finds himself asking. The words are still coming out hoarse. “Go make sure he’s ok.”

Wayne is silent for a second before he leaves. Only Eddie left in the room, alone. If it weren’t for the constant pinpricks shooting up his arms, Eddie would feel like his body was sucked into a dark pool of unexplained pain.

He doesn’t know why, but he wasn’t expecting Steve to have been affected by this. He seemed to go about it all with confidence Eddie envied. Something that made him feel like he knew what he was doing, that his actions would bring about an end. When the plan was made, it made sense Steve went to the battleground. He was a hero built to deal the final hit. Be to one to bring the victory, not caring as long as he got the glory.

Eddie was wrong. He was so wrong. The way Steve looked at him, it was pure desperation. Need to know just why Eddie did what he did. To know why he changed the plan meant to keep him alive. Keep him safe. So no one else got hurt, or died.

How many people did they lose to know how to avoid it? How many plans failed because of a mistake like the one Eddie made?

He was important enough for Steve to lose. In one week. In seven days, whatever Eddie did make him important enough in Steve’s life to ensure safety instead of loss. What did Eddie do to justify that? All he did was make a mess with every step. Each one followed by a vengeful mob wishing for his head on a stick. Help when he could but it was never enough. He wasn’t strong enough to fight them all. He wasn’t strong enough to keep fighting.

There was a moment, before all the bats dropped down dead, that Eddie felt the life start to slip away. He knew in that moment; it was going to be his end. The adrenaline started to drop; the screams stopped. Agonizing acceptance entered his mind. Then, the biting stopped.

After that, everything is hazy. The memories are still coming back, each one only adding to his already excruciating pain. Still, he only remembers pieces of what happened. He remembers Dustin crying while he closed his eyes, and his relief when Eddie could open them again. He remembers hearing Nancy’s voice ordering how best to get him out, and Robin’s hands pulling Dustin away.

He remembers Steve. The feeling of his arms as they carefully picked him up, Eddie’s blood smearing over his clothes.

“You’re going to be ok,” he said, voice full of uncertainty. “You’re getting out of here, Eddie. I’m not going to let you die.”

Eddie thought it was out of ego, those words. Now he knows they were pure fear.

The door opens, the hinges squeaking gently. Eddie expects is to be Wayne, but it’s Steve.

Steve with his red eyes and apologies written so clearly on his face. Eddie won’t accept them, because they don’t need to be said. He’s starting to understand, finally, who Steve really is.

“You came back,” he says, relieved.

“Yeah,” Steve nods, closing the door behind him. “I needed to apologize. You didn’t deserve that.”

“Maybe I did.” Steve looks at him shocked, like he was expecting anything else. Eddie needs Steve to know that this wasn’t his fault. None of this was. “You were right, I strayed from the plan. I had . . . plenty of time to get out of there, but I cut the rope and ran back out there. I thought it was to give you guys more time, but look at where that landed me. I’m not even sure if it worked.”

Steve sits down, listening carefully to Eddie’s words. A complex expression on his face. Further proving what Eddie is learning about Steve. That he is deeply complex.

“Point is, I almost died.” The words are formed with a dry tongue. It’s the first time he’s been willing to admit that out loud. “But I didn’t. And not because of anything I did. If it weren’t for you, I’d be dead in that place. You saved me, Steve.”

“Just because I carried you out doesn’t mean I saved you—”

“It could.” Eddie watches as Steve avoids his gaze, refusing to believe him. “Look at me, Steve.”

Steve’s eyes find his, the storm still so prevalent. Eddie wants to know all that caused it.

“I don’t know who you lost. I don’t know how they died, or how you were involved. What I know, is that I’m alive because you carried me out of there. I know that those kids are alive because you put yourself in front of any danger that dared come before them. And you’re looking at me like you want to be the one in this hospital bed, but I disagree. They need you to be there for them. I need you to be there for them.”

Steve blinks, eyes looking down at his hands. But he doesn’t close himself off again. Only avoids the contact for a chance to breath.

“You and your uncle seem to think I’m a better person than I am.”

Each word is laced with more hurt than Eddie can take. He takes a few deep breaths, before trying to shift himself so he’s facing Steve more. The pain amplifies ten-fold, like a million needles are poking at his arms.

“What are you trying to do?” Steve asks, face shifting to concern.

“Look at you better, maybe then you’ll believe me.” His arms collapse, his body sinking back into the mattress.

A chair scuffs on the floor. “That better?”

Steve moved his chair closer to Eddie’s bed. Angled so he can see him better. They’re close enough now, Eddie can just faintly see the dried tear tracks down Steve’s cheeks.

Eddie shakes his head, a breath escaping his mouth. “Even when you’re full of pity, you’re still a good dude.”

“I’m not—”

“You are,” Eddie says sharper than he means. But if it gets Steve to actually listen to him, he doesn’t regret it. “You don’t know how many kids have made fun of me. Stuffed shit in my lockers and threw more shit at my head. The number of fights that started just because I was existing. The whole persona that I made just to fit the mold they assigned to me. If I was louder than the insults thrown at me, than they didn’t hurt as much.”

Eddie saw the beginning and end of King Steve, even if he refused to believe it. He saw the freshman with his dick head friends slowly grow in popularity. Heard through the grapevine of parties thrown by the King of Hawkins High. The guy everyone wanted to be.

“You were lumped into that group for longer than you deserved,” Eddie continued. “And when those kids joined Hellfire, and kept talking about you, I was so pissed I almost kicked them out. Because how could King Steve ever be anything like I knew him to be, right? How could he have changed?”

There was a moment in Eddie’s second redo of senior year when Steve came to classes with his face beat in. Rumor was he got in a fight with Hargrove and lost. Losing his crown to the next king. He’d lost it long before, though. When he was dating Nancy, and dropped his friends. Stopped the parties, practically stopped going to them all together. He was more real than Eddie ever saw before. He was too blind to see it then, though.

“But then you proved me wrong. That entire week, you had every chance to hate me. Say something to make me know that we weren’t friends. But you didn’t. You didn’t even call me ‘The Freak’, you called me by my name, without the nickname right after it. I never though I’d hear that coming from you.”

That moment in the woods, when Steve ripped that bat in half with his bare hands, everything finally clicked. Steve was different than he was. He changed. Eddie needed to give him credit for that.

“What I said in that hell hole was true. You’re a good person, Steve. You showed me that. Not by big acts, or giant apologies. But by being who you are. That alone let me know the kind of person you are. So I don’t believe you should be here instead of me. I think you’re exactly where you are supposed to be.”

Steve stares at Eddie for a long time, letting the words process. Maybe even starting to believe them. Tears well up in his eyes again, threatening to spill over.

“Eddie, I—”

Right then, the door opens. Dustin came through, looking so confused. “I didn’t know where you were. I thought we were going home.”

Steve shuts his eyes, holding them shut until the tears go away. It’s a skill really. “Yeah, sorry. Could you just give me a second? I was just talking to Eddie about something.”

“It’s ok,” Eddie lifts his hand just enough to brush it off. “Take the kid home, we can talk about this later.”

“Are you sure? He can wait another minute—”

“I’m sure. We’re good, ok. Go home.” Eddie doesn’t let Steve break his gaze so easily this time. Ensuring that he knows each word is truthful.

Steve nods, returning his chair to the spot against the wall. “I’ll see you later then.”

Before Steve can walk away, Eddie waves at him to come closer. Whispering, “You know you don’t have to use the kid as an excuse to come see me. I might happen to like your company.”

Steve smiles, and oh that smile. It sends something up Eddie’s spine that he can’t control.

“I just might do that,” he whispers back. “Tomorrow?”

Eddie nods, finding his tongue suddenly tied. Steve spares him one last smile before leaving with Dustin.

He is so fucked.

Yeah, so these parts are going to be so long

tag list (closed): @the-they-who-nerded, @insteviewetrust, @croatoan-like-its-hot, @jettestar,

@tinyplanet95, @steddie-as-they-go, @slv-333, @littlecelestialmoth, @thatonebadideapanda,

@fandomsanddeath, @marismorar, @wonderland-girl143-blog, @glass-bottle03, @gutterflower77,

@here4thetrama, @goodolefashionedloverboi, @jaytriesstuff, @cryptid-system, @manda-panda-monium,

@resident-gay-bitch, @anaibis, @xxsutherlandxx, @forevermineliv, @mugloversonly,

@gregre369, @n0-1-important, @different-tale-student, @spectrum-spectre, @tartarusknight,

@devondespresso, @swimmingbirdrunningrock, @cheertain, @anti-ozzie, @autumncrocusandladybug,

@greeniebean911, @cr0w-culture, @stillfullofshit, @connected-dots, @daisynotquake,

@morgannotlefay, @a-little-unsteddie, @dolphincliffs, @maskofmirrors, @me-and-my-sloth,

@papergrenade, @waelkyring, @sweetheartprincess28, @katouasobj, @astercomoasflores

#chills right to the marrow fic #stranger things #stranger things fanfic #eddie munson #eddie pov #steve harrington #wayne munson #pre steddie

49 notes · View notes

uplatterme · 2 years ago

Text

Cherry Wine

—sub!kaeya/dom!reader, transmasc!kaeya/gn!reader | implied fwb relationship, fwb to lovers, hurt/comfort | mentioned nipple play, fingering (kaeya!receiving), edging, semi-public handjob (kaeya!receiving), mention of kaeya’s tcock like once though anatomy is kept pretty vague and gender-neutral

—kinda based on cherry wine by grentperez, that song has been on replay for days.

It’s not unusual for the Knights of Favonius to have these sorts of events, gatherings were held to provide some sort of bonding amongst other knights. A teambuilding activity, if you will.

He holds a glass of dandelion wine and the aroma reminds him of his…The smell reminds him of Angel’s Share and the said owner of that bar who isn’t here, and what he wouldn’t give to be in his position.

He stands idly in a secluded space, not wanting to catch the attention of the others who seem to be having a much more enjoyable time than he is.

His eyes wander around, examining his colleagues and other guests socializing.

The Cavalry Captain spots you and then out of nowhere, his hand is moving on its own, forcing him to drink the rest of the alcohol to hide the creeping blush starting to show on his face.

He turns around and faces the wall which is probably more suspicious than him just standing there alone, now that he thinks about it. However, he’d rather be caught dead than have you say something about him staring at you.

See, conversing with you isn’t really a problem. After all, you two have been friends ever since and even perform some acts that the average friendship doesn’t usually account for. Suffice to say, the knight trusts you a lot.

However, Kaeya might have stepped over that line a week ago…which is why he’s ignoring every letter you’ve sent to him.

My Kaeya, I apologize for not meeting up with you lately. I have been stumped with the new work that Jean has assigned me for the rest of the week. Here are some flowers that I’ve gathered while I’m out in Liyue. I hope they won’t wither by the time you get this letter. I miss you.

He internally screams once he remembers the contents of that letter. A lovely bouquet of qingxin, one which he immediately freezes to keep alive for as long as he possibly can. You were really too nice of a friend to him.

You’ve always referred to him as “My Kaeya” ever since the first letter you formally sent. So he assumes it’s a friendly term to refer to him, something that he shouldn’t read further into if he doesn’t want to get his feelings hurt.

Also, it may or may not be his fault that you were assigned that many workloads from Jean…

He already messed up last week.

He tried to forget about it, but it’s impossible to forget when your fingers were inside of him, his juices soaking the sheets while your tongue had its way with his chest, nibbling his nipples just the way he likes them as your saliva trails down from his scars to his stomach.

It wasn’t even that bad. Literally, there were worse times when you two got at it like two wolves in heat, yet somehow that was when his mind just decided to spew out those three specific words.

He sounded like he was enjoying himself on a honeymoon with his newlywed. What was he thinking… he could have moaned out literally anything else. Hell, he would have rather moaned out in Khaenri’ahn for fucks sake.

Yet he didn't, he said something much idiotic.

He can’t even say it in his mind right now, he’s far too embarrassed.

Kaeya is uncertain whether you heard him or not. He didn’t see you respond strangely at all, so is it possible you were too focused? Or maybe you did, and he just didn’t notice because he climaxed right after that mishap of his…

He’s hoping it’s the former.

He fidgets with the glass in his hand, breathing to calm himself down before turning around again.

“Hi.”

Kaeya’s heart jumps at the sight of you being so near to him. How long have you been there to begin with?

“Hello.” He replies as cooly as he can, averting his gaze away from you.

“I’m back.”

“I see that.” Archons, what is he saying?

“Are you—”

You cut yourself off, pursing your lips and giving him a smile before continuing. He’s seconds away from just bolting out of here.

“Did you like the flowers?”

“I did.” He answers.

“Good.”

And as if it couldn’t get any worse, the hired musicians changes the current music playing to a more…romantic one.

That’s fine. He’s good at these kinds of things.

Kaeya shoves any sign of embarrassment or nervousness away and looks straight at you directly. You must have drank a lot, the dilation in your eyes makes it easy to tell.

“Care for a dance?” You invited.

“My, are you sure you can keep up?” He bites back.

“Probably not, but if it prevents you from standing by yourself then I’ll dance with you as long as I can.”

The genuineness of your words always manages to stir him up.

Kaeya laughs. “I see you’ve had much to drink.”

“Sure, something like that.” He catches a grin from you despite the way you bow at him.

He shakes his head, offering his hand in front of you. There’s a slightly noticeable tremble his hand makes but you place your hand onto his, keeping him still.

“I’m afraid a simple waltz is all I can do, I’m no Eula.” You admit.

“It’s fine. I’ll lead.” Kaeya says, trying to act as confidently as he can.

“Alright then, Captain.”

His arm wraps around your waist as you place your hand on his shoulder. His breathing staggers but he tries to focus on the music and his feet, swaying you along with him. He dances gracefully, of course. Not that it’s surprising as he grew up in the Ragnvindr household.

He knows people are watching, he doesn’t meet their faces or yours.

“Kaeya.” You speak.

He raises his head. It’s bad etiquette to not look at the one you’re dancing with, though he hopes he can be forgiven just this once.

“Can we talk after this?”

He loses track of the time and his body moves as if it’s on autopilot. He only realizes that the music has stopped and so does he, when the people around him are clapping.

Kaeya faces you again, unsure of what to do.

All of the sudden, his body is being dragged away to a more quiet spot, Your hand gripping his wrist. The balcony provides room for the two of you, the rest of the party being hidden away by the fancy curtain.

“Are you cold?” You ask.

The breeze is a bit shivering but he’s used to the cold due to the cryo vision he holds.

“I’m fine.”

He hears you sigh, as if that answer he’s given you was somehow wrong. You grab a flask from the inside of his blazer, taking a swig before handing it to him.

Kaeya smells the alcohol and he worries. “More alcohol?”

“It’s my first drink tonight.”

He doubts that, although he finds that there’s no reason for you to lie.

So, why do you keep giving him those eyes?

Kaeya gives in, drinking the rest. Warmth grows on his face and he’s unsure whether it’s from the wine or the fact that your mouth was just on the flask.

“This is new.” He examines it with a closer look.

“Cherry Wine. Diluc gave it to me, apparently it’s from a merchant he met.”

Kaeya chuckles. “I see you’ve been conspiring with my brother.”

There’s jealousy obvious when he says that, but who was he to be jealous? The line of friendship becomes more and more obscured.

“Well, unlike someone. He actually finds time to reply to my letters.”

“You’re mad.” He points out.

“Here I thought you were too dense to even notice that.”

You close the distance between you two, his hands holding on the railings of the balcony as your hand steadies his back, kissing him deeply and much longer than any of the kisses you’ve given him.

His heart thumps from his chest, wanting more of your lips when you separate from him.

“Say it again. Tell me I didn’t mishear.” You plead.

“I…What?” You did hear him.

“Do I have to fuck it out of your mouth again?”

“Sweetheart, we’re in public. Gods, how strong is that wine—hey, wait!”

Your hand slips down his pants, palming the growing erection from under. Kaeya bites the back of his hand, your hand stroking his hardened tcock while you observe his face with a stern look.

“C-Come on, I really didn’t say anything.” He says, halfway between a soft whine and a cry.

“Captain, I didn’t take you for a liar and a coward.”

He’s dripping wet, he knows by the way the cloth sticks to the skin on his thigh. The pace you’re going at is undeniably slow, and he knows you won’t let him finish if he doesn't say those words again.

“Please?” Kaeya begs. It’s been a week without your touch and frankly, it’s a week too long.

“It’s admirable how you’d rather have me pleasure you like this in front of everybody rather than just admitting it.”

The knight knows that he’s enjoying this far more than he should be and that it’s the only thing worth remembering about this gathering.

And then your hand grips him tighter and his legs quiver, cursing your name out in a breathy moan.

“What’s wrong? Poor Captain wants to cum, does he?” You tease.

“You ass.”

His thighs rub together, wanting more of that extra friction. He admits that the action is quite humiliating, though if there’s a way to get himself off without confessing his feelings for you, then he’ll gladly do that.

“No. Spread them apart.” You ordered.

“H-Huh?”

“You heard me.”

He follows through, a squeaky whimper escaping his throat.

“So desperate, My Kaeya.”

His foot almost missteps when he feels the warmth from one of your fingers slowly penetrating him. Oh fuck, you cannot be serious.

He throws his head back as you continue to explore more of his insides. And just like before, you’re meticulously playing with him just so he breaks apart.

“I already said please.”

“And it’s appreciated, dear. But that’s not what I wanted to hear.”

“Fuck…hn, you—”

He stays a wreck like that for a few minutes, not being allowed the permission to cum from your fingers. Why do you want him to say it that bad anyways? Do you really want to reject him like this? Right now?

Kaeya’s body feels heavy.

He’s close, oh so close.

His nails dig into the skin of his palms, he hears the inside get quieter and for a second, he assumes that it’s because of how he’s gasping and panting because of you.

He shakes those thoughts, knowing how loud the music and gossiping of the knights must be.

“Do you not like me?” You blurt out.

What an absurd question. Why do you think he’s letting you do this?

“Am I too pushy, Kaeya?”

Your words are contrasting your actions far too differently. Your fingers start to get rougher, he’s painfully hard and he just wants to—He can’t—he physically cannot hold it any longer.

The mention of your name is indistinguishable from a slobbering baby, he holds your waist again although for a particularly different reason this time.

It’s so cheesy how he gets so lovesick whenever he cums.

“I-I love you.”

His entire body collapses into an orgasm. He sobs onto your chest, he’s unsure whether it’s because of how fucking good that felt or the forthcoming response you’ll give as he’s finally admitted it.

What he didn’t expect however, is the fact that it’s not only his face that’s soaking from tears.

“I hate you.” You say.

There’s a hurt in his chest and he wants to take it back but what’s already been said is right there. He wants to apologize. It’s his fault after all for thinking anybody would think of him as anything more than a friend, for catching feelings—

His thoughts are silenced as you kiss him once more, it only lasts for a few and he’s left stunned as to why you would do that.

“I thought you finally caught on. I was so happy when you said you love me, I was caught off guard,”

You take a deep breath, calming yourself.

“And then, you decide to avoid me?! I even sent you qingxin, and you know I don’t like high places!”

…

“You like—no, you love me?” Kaeya states, the thought seems way too unbelievable.

“Obviously! Who in their right mind would address their friend as theirs?” You spat back.

You groan, pushing his already weak body away.

“I love you too, Kaeya. Don’t do that again, okay? You worried the shit out of me.”

“I…Okay. I won’t, I promise.”

He starts walking towards you shakily before pulling you into a tight hug.

It’s a strange hug. The breeze is far too cold, your clothes are now sticky, and both of your eyes are red from crying.

Yet somehow, it’s comforting.

It’s perfect.

#plattered writings #genshin impact x reader #kaeya x reader #kaeya alberich x reader #genshin impact smut #sub genshin impact #sub genshin #dom reader #transmasc!kaeya

782 notes · View notes

dokidokidraft · 5 months ago

Text

MHA boys HC pt.3

includes: Keigo Takami/Hawks, Touya Todoroki/Dabi, Hanta Sero Warning: tiny bit of suggestive content for keigo! (meant to be fem!reader but no pronouns/body type mentioned)

~Keigo Takami/Hawks~

-Going flying with him before bed ✨ he’ll take you all around the city and back again. Even if he’s tired, you can’t get out of it.

-Always has to make sure a feather is on you at all times. You have a necklace with one of his. He often tickles you from it when he’s at work and bored

-Good morning and good night texts

-Dinner with him looks like him just scarfing everything down and going to bed. Unless he’s on a day off, then you guys might watch a movie later

-Loves chicken. If you make some for him he would have literal hearts in his eyes

-Please, I just want to steal his jacket

-Pretty lazy. After work he’ll just chill in the apartment. If you ask how his day was you’ll just get a “it was fine” and he won’t elaborate unless you really push it

-Chronic manspreader

-Lots of suggestive comments

-He’s definitely a bit of a perv once you get to know him. Just pervy words though, he’ll never act on them. “Hey baby bird, what if I told you those pants will be on the floor in a few hours?” Usually never means it though

-Probably doesn’t have time for a lot of dates, but he apologizes repeated and eventually makes it up to you

-Helps you with your makeup. He’s a model, so he probably can do it better than you (sry). He especially loves to do your eyeliner to match his

-Wears earrings (dying for this man rn) once he met you he made sure they matched with your outfits whenever you guys go out

-*winks*

~Touya Todoroki/Dabi~

-Doesn’t really like to go on dates, thinks they’re a waste of time. If you guys do go on a date, its late at night, somewhere outside

-OR shopping dates to hot topic (he will then parade you around in your new clothes, showing you off around the LoV is his favourite pass time)

-Teaches you how to fight. He’s kinda a bad teacher but he’s trying

-You often run your hands over his scarred torso and tell him he’s beautiful. He got emotional the first couple times (if his tear glands weren't burnt he would be crying)

-Definition of big spoon. But like…big spoon when you’re on top of him (?) you’re lying on his chest while he’s on the couch, his arms wrapped around you and just staring at the ceiling. You’re so small in his arms ^-^

-Give. Me. His. Leather. Jacket

-Emotionally closed off. You ain’t getting a reaction from him, I’m sorry

-Needs help with his hair. I’m 110% sure that it’s bleach/dye damaged

-He’ll steal buy you jewelry. Often times with a cerulean gem so it matches his eyes

-Encourages you sm. You wanna get a piercing? Already booking you an appointment. Tattoo? Yes ma’am. New dress? Suddenly the money has been sent to your account. You don’t even know where the money comes from (and you don’t dare ask)

-While you (might) want the safety of a studio, he gladly does his own piercings. They usually get infected though, so just be ready for some serious complaining

-Husky voice 24/7

~Hanta Sero~

-Attempted to do the Spider-Man kiss scene with you. Ended up falling down and getting a mild concussion ✨

-Lays in his hammock with you. He’s a lazy boy and takes lots of naps

-B e a n i e s

-Definitely goes skateboarding & tries to show you how

-Sleepovers with him are the best because he has endless snacks and drinks. Also has a dvd player for his fav movies

-Button 👏 up👏 shirts👏

-Will randomly start speaking in Spanish. Best part is the nicknames “Mi amor”. Even better if gives you little hand kisses

-He’ll always “forget his notes” so you have to go over to his dorm and help him. Always ends up with the 2 of you making out though ;-;

-Flirty as hell (but only around the bakusquad so he can show u off)

-Reads tons of manga (canon) so he’ll probably read em with you 🫰

-He’s honestly super chill and won’t get jealous easily. He’ll give people little glares but that’s about it

-Does the Killua walk (you know what I’m talking about)

-Tape fixes everything

-“your mom” whenever he’s losing an argument

Hope you guys enjoyed!

@Kimyou draft I have neverwritten hcs for Sero before so I hope these were up to your expectations!

#Mha #my hero academia #bnha #headcanons #x reader #keigo #takami #keigo takami #Hawks #hawks x reader #dabi x reader #touya todoroki #mha x reader #hanta sero #sero x reader #mha headcanons #I can’t tag

134 notes · View notes

whatispersonalspacejyp · 12 days ago

Text

Worth Fighting For

Genre: Angst with a good ending

Pairing: Felix x reader

Word Count: 777

Summary: You and Lix had been fighting, but this time he left. What would happen now?

Warning: Break up, cursing, mentions/ attempted suicide

Original Date: 7 September, 2020

Request: Yes

“Felix! Don’t you walk out on me! If you go now you never have to come back again!” You yelled angry at your boyfriend.

“Fine! at least I don’t have such a bossy partner! I’ll send someone this week to collect my stuff!” Felix walks to the front door and slams it shut.

You screamed as you saw Felix leave. Knowing you can’t do anything about it. You saw the love of your life walking away after saying those hurtful words.

The fight wasn’t about something major... just about forgetting something from the grocery store, but it was mixed with being very stressed and frustrated a fight was unavoidable.

It was a few days later and you felt empty. You felt as if there was nothing left to do. All you did was lay on the bed and stare up at the ceiling. Only getting out to grab a bit of food or to go to the bathroom.

You got out of bed and walked downstairs to grab some water. The place was a mess, but you couldn’t care less. Felix was all you had the only one who cared about you and now he was gone.

The others from Stray Kids did send you text, but you answered non of them. Making them worry a lot. Chan, who was your best friend was torn because of the breakup as he didn’t know who to help.

You didn’t realize you walked upstairs again and you looked out of the window. It was night time and the stared were bright. You were amazed by it, remembering the talk you had with your grandmothers many years ago.

‘Dear Y/N, you see once we die, we become the stars. Looking out for the persons we love.’

You smiled sadly. “Granny? I think it’s time to join you.” You said to the stars. You grabbed your phone and got to Chan’s contact and started writing.

‘Dear Channie!

Thank you so much for being an amazing friend and I never could ask for another one. Only this is the last time you hear from me. It hurts. It hurts so much, I can’t take it anymore. So this is goodbye. Making sure you and others won’t be too sad or upset. This is the choice I made and this will be goodbye.’

Just a few minutes after sending the text, Chan called you in panic.

Chan looks at the members who were all in the living room. “I can’t fucking get a hold of her!”He said in a clear panic. Felix looks at Chan with tears in his eyes and quickly jumps up at the third time trying to call you. He made a promise to himself at this moment that he would save you only he could do it. He could stop you, he just had to be fast enough.

Felix quickly put on his shoes and jacket and ran out. He ran all the way to your house. No matter how tired he was getting in his legs.

Felix stood in front of your door, knocking. “Y/N open up! Don’t do something fucking stupid!”

You were crying at this point, opening the door. “Felix?” You were just a bathrobe when you opened the door. You were planning on ending it later, but Felix standing right in front of you made it feel unreal.

Felix nods and pulls you into a hug. “I’m sorry love. What I said was very mean of me. I understand that I screwed up and that you probably never want to see me again.”

You hugged Felix back. “I need you, Felix! but what you said isn’t alright.” You mumbled.

Felix leads you inside and helps you on the couch. He looks around the house and noticed how messy it was. Felix kisses your head and pulls you up.

Felix leads you to the bathroom and undressed you and himself before starting the shower. You whined slightly as Felix pulls you under him with him.

“Woah! Felix!” You screamed out while laughing slightly. Felix cleans you up and then plops you on the bed.

You realized how tired you were when you laid on the bed, being cuddled by Felix. You fell asleep and Felix out of bed and decided to clean your house as an apology.

The next morning you woke up alone, but when you walked downstairs everything was clean and Felix was sitting there waiting for you at the breakfast table with pancakes and strawberries. “I’m sorry Y/N, please take me back.

You nod and ran into Felix’s arm. “I take you back Lix! Just don’t leave me again.”

47 notes · View notes

eirakairos · 1 month ago

Text

Rendezvous Chapter 3

Chapter summary: The girl hears her mother cry many times because of this man who is supposed to be his father. She doesn’t have much information, she just hears a lot that she looks like him. She heard stories of the ships belonging to a bad man, so she thinks her father is bad. But why would her Mama go to a man like him? Why didn't he search for them? Did he forget about them?

A/N: Apologies for the late update, I had a hectic week lol

I was thinking the child would be similar to Anya from SpyxFam in terms of being a bit mature at her age

Words: 3,334

Chapter 4

Tags: Hurt/comfort, character death implied!, MC and Sylus' child, don't worry this is angst but with happy ending, Sylus is a girl dad hands down

You are so thankful to the wisdom of the mothers and the healers in the tribe in raising a baby girl. She is now five years old and is a rambunctious child. You are amused sometimes as she looks like a little Sylus running around and playing with other kids. But it is also a reminder that she is Sylus and your child. For five years, you didn’t hear any news about him. You had accepted that he probably moved on to his ambitions, or maybe to another woman. It hurts you deeply, but you can’t bring chaos to your life anymore, especially such violence and desolation, to your daughter’s life.

“Maybe it's a good time for you and your daughter if it is still in your consideration to return, dear,” the old woman said. “But rest assured that if you do intend to stay longer, it is alright as well,”

“Thank you,” you said. “I have heard news from the warriors that the nearby cities in the far end had been seeing large ships similar to the one you arrived in,” she said. Your eyes widened. Why is Onychinus in the far cities other than in the N109 Zone? “The warriors heard terrible stories about those ships, so we are planning to move to a farther place,” she said. “So this is the right time to decide, so the journey back won’t be much further,” Your mind is swirling in thoughts if Sylus is still the leader of Onychinus or if there is a new management. “They heard stories of the ship conquering city by city, making them do allegiance to their favor,” You know Onychinus, everything it touches will go to chaos, intentional or not. You can’t bring such things to the tribe.

“Mama, can I go with the warriors please?” her daughter approached her. You sighed, your little girl has the rebellious and mischievous trait from her father. She wanted to be a fighter and often hung out around and amazed at the trained men in the tribe. She wanted to go with them and watch them hunt food. “They are hunting and going farther today, so I can’t allow you,” you reasoned out. Your daughter pouted in response. “And no usage of Evol, you promised,” you followed. This is the dangerous part of handling her, she retaliates by using it in any form, especially when she gets hurt. Both of you discovered it when she was being teased for having a different hair color. Next thing you knew, the kid was crying because she broke his toy in a dark red mist. ‘Ugh, I carried her for nine months after a literal explosion and deserted in a field, squeezed her out of my body and looked like a spitting image of her father,’ you thought whenever you remember it.

You sat down beside her. Despite her age, your daughter has the trait of being mature and understanding, again, just like Sylus. “I want to ask you something, dear,” you said. The girl looked up to you. “Do you want to go to another place? It is much better there,” you asked. “We going now?” she asked back. As young as she is, you did tell her the general situation of things, but her appearance made her realize that she is different from the tribe. “Yes, sadly. They are going further for safety,” you said. “We would be much safer and have more access to the city,” The daughter hummed and looked at the fields, probably thinking about what to decide. “It’s okay, I’ll give you more time-” you stopped when she hugged your waist. “Okay, Mama,” she answered. You were surprised at how fast she responded and you are always grateful for having a good daughter as you hugged her in return.

“I heard the city people while trading goods… Someone important arrived in the city,” the warrior said. Your daughter is hearing their conversations as she is huddled in a basket attached to a horse. Before the warriors depart for a hunt, she sneaks in the basket while you are sleeping. “There is one ship that landed near our hunting spot, but it looked harmless. There is only one camp there but there is not much activity around it… There it is,” Your daughter peeked and saw a huge ship. It only has one illuminated bonfire beside it.

The warriors did make a camp to rest. The girl remained inside the basket, hearing the conversations. “That ship… I only saw one man going out there,” one of the warriors said. “He has the same color as hers… White-haired and has red eyes,”

“Do you think they are from the same place?” one asked. “We did find her in the same type of ship.” The little girl’s eyes widened as she knew it was her mother. Despite being very young, she was hearing a lot of things from adults that she knew she wasn’t supposed to hear.

The warriors are sleeping when she is able to get out of the basket, put her hood on her cloak on and went to the direction of the ship. The little girl is curious about the stories she has been hearing, but it all started when she accidentally eavesdropped on you and the healer talking.

“I assumed that your daughter looked more like her father,” the old woman said. You chuckled. “Yes, she is so much like her father,” you answered. “We saw a ship that looked like when you arrived here but it was going towards the city,” You were surprised by this information. “The warriors said they didn’t see any white-haired man with red eyes,” You were saddened, it's been many years but you are still longing for Sylus. “I feel you are missing him,” she said. “Oh dear, we can arrange your travel if you decide to go back,”

“I am aware of that but… She is still young,” you said. “I’m just making sure she is well for the journey,” The old woman chuckled. “Well, she has been going with the warriors a lot, so I think she would be one,” You chuckled as well in response. “Don’t underestimate children, my dear. They have huge potential despite their innocence in the world,” the old woman said.

“I just thought that… He would find us sooner or later,” you said, opening up your long-time anxieties.

“Dear, even if it takes long if he indeed loves you, he will search for you till the end of the world. Though I understand your longing,” she said. “The tribe is in a remote place, yet I’m still hoping you three would meet again,”

The girl hears her mother cry many times because of this man who is supposed to be his father. She pouted remembering it again. She doesn’t have much information, she just hears a lot that she looks like him. She heard stories of the ships belonging to a bad man, so she thinks her father is bad. But why would her Mama go to a man like him? He didn’t search for them, she heard he didn’t even know her Mama had a baby, who was her. Her mother got into the tribe because she was taken away by a ship that looked in front of her at that moment.

Why didn't he search for them? Did he forget about them?

As she hides from the distance, she can see a man being illuminated by the bonfire. She was wondering why the man was alone. Upon looking closer, the man is looking at a small item but it was too far for her to see. The man is tall, wears a cloak, has… White hair and red eyes.

In reaction, she accidentally sat down in shock, making the leaves rustle. Before she could go elsewhere, a force enveloped her, and was dragged from her hiding to the bonfire area.

Red eyes stared at her. She was enveloped in fear more. Whoever his man is, he looks mean. “Someone was being sneaky,” he said in a deep voice. Black and red mists enveloped her more, his right eye turning red. “Stop!” she yelled, mists appearing around her. The mists from the man quickly disappeared, making her fall down and instinctively scooting away from him. The man looked shocked and looked at his hand for a second before going back at her. He tried it one more time and the mist could grab her arm. She yelled and glared at him, her eyes emitting a red glow from the covered hood, black and red mists swirling around her, disabling his hold on her. Her eyes gazed at the man intently, suddenly she was hearing something while gazing into his eyes. She is hearing a familiar name and the desire to see her and their child again. Both are shocked as her powers reach the limit and quickly dissipate, stopping the voice and the mists. The man halts his either, being surprised that she can do that.

Sylus was not surprised that the mysterious little girl in front of him had the same Evol as his, he was surprised that she was fast and strong enough to use her Evol against him at her age. Sylus took reigns and used his Evol to grab her, as she seemed to have reached her limit already. “Let me go, you’re the mean man!” she exclaimed. “You are a kid sneaking up in a vast field in the middle of the night. I’m assuming you have business with me,” he spoke. “I would be the mean man if you continue to thrash… Like a hissing kitten,” he followed. Calling this kid like a kitten reminded him of you, especially when you first met him.

The girl quickly stopped but crossed her arms while being levitated. “This ship scares my tribe! Leave us alone!” she said. His eyebrow was raised before he hummed as he gently set her down. “I guess our business aligns then. Why don’t we have a deal?” Sylus said. The hooded girl looked at him. “I’m looking for someone,” he continued. “If you help me find that person I was looking for, I will leave your tribe alone, even offer protection, if you fancy,”

“No, you will just double-cross me or something, we don’t need you to protect, you bad man,” she answered. Well, smart little girl, Sylus thought. “I uphold my deals, sweetie,” Sylus said. “I might be a bad man, but I do the end of my bargain, don’t worry,”

The girl squints her eyes as if she is thinking hard. She doesn’t have much leverage in this matter. “Okay, but you have to tell me who are you looking for,” Sylus looked in the distance, he held the small item he was holding earlier. The crow brooch. “A woman,” he said. “She was in a ship that crashed here many years ago,” he then proceeded to describe that woman. Her eyes widened when he mentioned the crash but covered because of the hood. The girl thought the description he said, there is a certain longing to that and is very similar to what you look like. She snapped her thoughts as she thought she would protect you. “I might know someone,” she answered. Sylus glared. “‘Might’ is not a good retort,” he said. “I am not here to waste time,” he said as the sound of flapping wings and cawing was heard. A black bird landed on his shoulder. It cawed softly beside him and Sylus listened as if he understood him.

“Mephisto is telling me that there is a group of warriors nearby,” he said. “They are the warriors from my tribe,” the little girl said. “Okay, we will leave them be,” Sylus said. The girl was relieved somewhat to hear that. He looked at her slyly. “Let me guess, you sneaked in by them?” The little girl was surprised and looked away, making him chuckle. “They will leave in the dawn but if we follow them, they will notice,” she followed. Sylus hummed. “Don’t worry, he will fly again to see where we will be heading,” Sylus said. “Okay, but I do know how to navigate back,” the little girl said. “I’ll help to find that person you want. The elders might know that crash,” Sylus glared at her but let her be.

“So his name is Mephisto?” she asked, looking at the bird preening beside him. “Yes, I made him,” he replied. The girl was confused and looked closer, he was indeed mechanical. “Whoa… I thought he was a real bird,” Sylus smirked, basking in the compliment. He lets Mephisto roam the skies again as he flies in his order. “The winds will get stronger tonight, he shouldn't roam long,” the little girl said. Sylus looked above and felt the wind, thinking she did have a sense of survival skills. “You better rest, we have a long day of travel back. It’s not that far,” she followed and lay down, her head resting on the log. Out of nowhere, a bag was thrown at her. “What-” she said, realizing it was a sleeping bag. She looked at Sylus, who was already lying down from a distance. Her eyes squinted, making her wonder how her mother fell in love with such a man. It wasn’t long before she fell asleep from the long travel and anxious thoughts.

Sylus wakes up early and looks at the girl, who is still sleeping in the sleeping bag. He has a hunch of why she sneaked up on him last night, far deeper reasons than the tribe. As he packed up his things, he looked at the small trinket attached to his bag, it was the pouch you gave him when you were stuck with him in the grasslands. He always remembered you wherever he went, bringing something that reminded him of you. He wanted to get to the tribe fast to learn if his intel was true. He stood up and reached out to the little girl to wake up. She gasped before doing so and used her Evol to stop his hand.

The girl looked at him angrily. “Sweetie, it is only me,” he said. “I… Okay,” the girl releases his hand. “Please don’t do that. I don’t like people sneaking up on me,” she said. She doesn’t want her hood to be lowered down. “Oh, but you sneaking up on me last night was alright?” he crossed his arms but smirked. She blushed in embarrassment. “I was going to talk to you! I just don’t know the timing!” she defended. “It’s just… I don’t like someone pulling my hood down. My hair is weird,” she said. “How so?” Sylus said. “Other kids tease me of how weird it looks, so I often wear a hood,” she replied, making a half lie. She does get teased but she doesn’t care, she retaliates even. She doesn’t want him to give other ideas as they look alike. “Hmm, don’t listen to them, as far as I’m concerned, you can confront and defend yourself,” he said as he brought his bag. His statement has a hint of truth, she often does it as she wants to show them she isn’t backing down but something stops her thoughts. “That’s…” she trailed off. Sylus stopped as she pointed at the pouch. “Did… Did the person you’re looking for give that to you?” The little girl asked. Sylus didn’t respond, but the girl knew the answer. “I… I’m familiar with that pouch,” she said. “... My tribe does that,” Sylus responded with a hum. “Well, adds more reason to visit your tribe then,”

Despite the windy weather in the grasslands, Sylus and the little girl continued to travel. The two had been walking for a while now and all they could see was seemingly endless grass. The little girl looked at Sylus while they were staying for a break. He was looking a bit uncomfortable, probably due to the heat. “I didn’t know you had encountered my tribe before, they often are remote,” she said. “It was… An accidental event,” he answered. “And that person you were looking for, she gave that pouch, right?” she said. “You said it was many years ago… Do you think she is still-” she stopped as she felt the intense glare from the man. “She is important to me, far more than you imagined,” he said with a rough, pained voice as he returned his gaze to the food he was cooking. “What if somehow you meet her again?” the little girl asked, anticipating his answer. “Then, the world will be much better again,” She felt the yearning in his answer. “I will make sure she will be mine this time and… Not lose her and our child again,” he continued. The little girl internally gasped, she was surprised but masked it quickly. She felt his gaze again. “I believed they survived. It was… A challenge to find her this time,” he spoke. She felt the pain in his voice as if he had been searching for that long.

There were a lot of thoughts in the little girl’s head, especially him saying “Our child”. “You know, I was curious what the city looks like,” the little girl said. “I’ve been hearing stories, I heard it was scary,” she followed. “A bad man was going around, no one knows him but many people are scared of him,” Sylus didn’t answer but listened to her. “My mother was considering visiting and maybe staying there for good,” she said. “Maybe if you hold your end of the bargain, I can show you and your mother around,” Sylus said. “Why only your mother? Where is your father?” he casually asked. The little girl looked sad in response. “I don’t know, he probably had left us. My mother is still waiting for him to return,” He remained silent, remembering luck was not on his side since, he was still searching for the love of his life and his little one.

They continued to walk as the winds were getting stronger. The little girl looked up and saw Mephisto struggling to fly. “He should be getting down, the winds are howling but it would be temporary!” She yelled as the winds were noisy. “He would be fine, I would just repair him,” he said. She sees Sylus started to struggle in walking. The girl looked above again and saw Mephisto losing control to fly and was thrown back and falling. She ran while looking at the trajectory where the mechanical bird might fall. Sylus was surprised that she would still run for the bird. Despite struggling, she jumped to catch Mephisto, bracing for the rough fall on the grass. She opened her eyes and saw herself floating, with an energy holding around her. Looking back, she sees Sylus with his hand out, using his Evol while holding onto the grass. Mephisto cawed weakly on her hold, she fixed herself, making sure she was still hooded as Sylus brought them back to him.

They continued walking when the winds calmed down. She held Mephisto, who had his wing broken. Despite being mechanical, the little girl is still worried. “I told you, I can fix him later. He is fine,” Sylus reassured. Mephisto cawed in response and was calm under the girl’s hold as if he were grateful for catching him.

Sylus looked at the girl again, remembering the time she was running towards the bird. Her hair was white, and her eyes were red, just like his. But she looks so much like you. Her face, her powers, her personality, her past… He remembered his dreams of holding his little girl. He had the intense urge to protect her in realization, using his Evol to make sure she was safe.

“Look!” she yelled as she pointed at the distance, seeing huts and goats roaming. “We have arrived!”

#love and deepspace #love and deepspace fanfic #l&ds #sylus x mc #sylus x you #sylus

24 notes · View notes

after-witch · 2 years ago

Text

A Fool’s Game [Yandere Chrollo x Reader]

Title: A Fool’s Game [Yandere Chrollo x Reader]

Synopsis: It’s the last day of the life you and Chrollo have enjoyed so sweetly for some time now. It’s a shame you don’t even know it’s the last.

Word count: 2536

Notes: Yandere, toxic relationship, future kidnapping

It’s a shame. A damned shame. A crying shame, really, if he were prone to the weakness of tears in anything but the most drastic of situations. Maybe this will be one of those situations, after all. He’s not sure yet, and dwelling on it will only make it harder for him to confront.

He bears such a heavy burden, and you don’t even know about it.

This day… is the last day that he’ll be able to enjoy the sweet, domestic bliss of normalcy with you.

The last day that you will wake up him with kisses on his cheek, softly crooning his name in a singsong lilt; the last day he will get to see you flit about the apartment kitchen in the brightly colored apron you’d excitedly picked out to wear while you did chores; the last day you’ll love him purely and sweetly as you do now.

Because at the end of the day, you’re going to be abandoning the life you’ve built for yourself and leaving with him.

He’s held out for as long as possible. Really, he muses, you ought to be grateful that he was able to curate this domestic scene for as long as he did.

There were a few bumps along the way, but not many. Nothing that wasn’t smoothed over with kisses and smiles and reassuring words.

You always got sad when he had to leave for his “work trips.”. But he kept in touch through phone and even a few gift deliveries that had you gushing when he called in the evening, profusely thanking him for flowers or a meal from your favorite cafe.

But things change. There’s no denying that his latest plan will take him away not just for days or weeks, but months. He can’t bear to be apart from you for that long, and the only solution is painfully clear: it’s time to pop the bubble and move on. And the Phantom Troupe’s schemes, great and small, can’t be paused. Even for you, sweet creature that you are.

This will hurt. No doubt about that. But, he will recover from it--and in time, he’s sure, so will you. In the meantime, he can admit how awful it will be to see it end. There’s a certain softness that he’s come to enjoy from it all. It’s been like a vacation, some dreamy soft vacation that has given him something irreplaceable.

A taste--however brief and bittersweet--of a quiet life with you.

“Now that that’s done,” you say, softly, mostly to yourself, as you tuck away the last of the dishes--and Chrollo can’t help but think how pointless it was to let you waste time on that chore; it won’t matter, come this evening. “We can get going.”

You move quickly, like water, depositing your apron on a hook by the stove and slipping on the flower charm necklace you’d laid out on the couch, followed by a soft cardigan in a shade of muted pink. You’re talking all the while, but he’s not listening to the words. Only the sound is important. The ordinary rise and fall of your voice, calm, expectant…

He watches you quietly from the kitchen table, nursing the last drops of coffee you’d made for him that morning, dutifully poured into what had become his favorite mug at your apartment. The mug was only lukewarm now, and his palms missed the heat.

“Chrollo?” You spin around. The smile on your face was enough to light up a room. “Did you hear me?”

Chrollo smiles, and shakes his head.

“My apologies, dear. I was too dazzled by your smile to pay attention.”

Your lips quirked into a teasing pout, and you shook your head.

“Well, I was saying, don’t forget to wear good walking shoes, because you know how busy the sale gets. Unless you’d rather stay home while I go alone?” You don’t mean it, but something about the suggestion makes him move.

He’s off the chair before he even realizes he’s doing it, walking quickly up to you and pressing his chest against your back. He rests his chin on your head, letting his body slow down as the apple sweetness of your favorite shampoo tickles his nostrils.

“You’re awfully snuggly this morning.”

You turn yourself around in his embrace, and rest your head against his shoulders. “Buuut… if we want to make that sale, we need to get going.” You punctuate your words with a teasing poke to his chest, and his lips form the perfunctory frown that you’ve come to expect. The song and dance the two of you have perfected in your time together--argumentative teases, comfortable and snug.

Soon, the arguments wouldn’t be teasing. There would be no dimpled grins. Only anger and hurt and, he thinks, a healthy dose of fear.

He sticks his hands into the pocket of his trousers as you grab your purse and give your hair one last check-over in the mirror that he’d carefully, on your orders, hung in the entryway. Your keys sat in the blue fishbowl that you’d found during one of your Saturday shopping trips.

He remembers that day clearly, the way your eyes lit up at the brightness of the blue glass, the way you’d begged him to carry it home for you because-you-know-I’ll-just-drop-it. And once the bowl had been safely deposited on the end table by your door, you’d breathed a sigh of relief and snuggled up to him. He received a kiss for his troubles.

You have no idea, as you step through your front door and wait for him with keys in hand, that it’s the last time your fingers will ever dip, carefree, into that treasured bowl; that it’s the last time you’ll ever leave the threshold of your apartment… of your own volition, that is.

You poor thing.

“Oh! Oh, Chrollo! Look!” Your grin could split your face, if such things were possible, as you point towards the menu hanging in the back of the coffee shop. It’s all handwritten in chalk, probably changes every few days to suit the ever-revolving tastes of the customers. Just the sort of place you love.

Chrollo merely glances at it, not caring about the finer details of the smeared chalk words. Instead he focuses on you, on every micro-expression. On the way the finger you pointed with is painted a sparkly blue. He’ll have to remember to pack some nail polish in your bag, though you likely won’t feel too concerned about such things for a long time.

“Mm? And what is it I’m supposed to be seeing, love?”

You sigh, put-out, but not meanly so--you were never mean to him. Never nagging, never cross. Today you settled for a sort of breathless exasperation, like you couldn’t believe he wasn’t seeing it.

“They have lavender coffee. Can you believe it?” You’re practically giddy, almost hopping on one foot. “I can’t wait to taste. You have to try mine, okay? Since I know you’re going to get your usual.” You elbow Chrollo and he tries to match your grin with a smile, but it’s hard going.

Just a few more hours, that’s all that’s left…

“Ooh!” You stand on your toes, craning your neck as you re-read the menu. “Maybe we should split some pastries, too? Will you eat some if I get them?” Your voice raises higher, no doubt excited over the sticky pastries visible in the case just ahead.

The man standing in front of you in line looks back for just a moment, and rolls his eyes as he returns his gaze to the front.

His eyes would look lovely on a platter, Chrollo muses. But no. Such things couldn’t happen here, in this carefully preserved moment in life. After the thin glass of this life with you is broken, however, is another thing entirely.

Chrollo watches as you hum and debate over what to get. Your finger taps your chin. An exaggerated affected gesture, but one that he has come to love about you.

“Order whatever you like, my dear. My treat today.”

Your eyes light up and you squeak, of all noises. He has to force himself not to sigh in thick indulgence at the sound.

And when you reach the cashier, he listens carefully as you rattle off a fairly large order of coffee and pastries. You always wanted to try one of anything new, especially if Chrollo was the one indulging you and you didn’t have to worry about your budget.

It’s fine, normally, but a bit of a hassle now. He has to take mental notes. After all, he’ll have to account for the pastries and caffeine in your stomach for the events that are sure to come later today.

“Isn’t the sunset beautiful?”

Chrollo hums, but he’s not looking at the sunset. He’s looking at the way the reddish light of it plays off your hair, your skin, your eyes. He’s looking at you. Every inch, every detail.

There’s a bit of pink frosting stuck to your lips. He should kiss it off before it’s too late.

For now, you walk home, side by side. The sounds of the city fade away, replaced by the repetitive noise of your neighborhood. Kids playing. A radio, distant.

And your voice, chattering, about nothing in particular.

“Chrollo?”

He hums again.

“Thank you for taking me out shopping.” You smile, like a sunbeam. “It’s been a while since we had a full day out like this, hasn’t it? It’s a real treat.”

You laugh, and glance down for just a moment as you smile.

It’s true. It was a treat. A day together, doing all the things you loved. Shopping and pastries, chatting, indulging.

You deserved it, after all. And so did he.

You gently lean against him as you continue to walk, holding onto his arm. He lets you press your body against his. You’re soft and warm. The weight of you is familiar. Sometimes, when he was feeling particularly silly and you were in a lighthearted enough mood, he carried you home after a day of walking and shopping and treats.

He might have liked to do that today, but you insisted on purchasing some larger items, which you dragged behind you in a rusty wagon. You’d spotted it a few weeks ago near a dumpster and insisted on taking it home for shopping trips.

“Anything for you, my love,” he says, quietly. More somber than he meant to.

You glance up at him for just a moment. But you just smile softly.

He uses the moment to pause and lean down, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. The frosting is stale and sticky.

Your hand is on your hips, a sure sign of impending doom.

The shopping bags the both of you had brought in are carefully set on the table. Though, Chrollo thinks, it’s a shame that almost none of what you bought today could come along. It was mostly decorations for the apartment, after all. A new rug, a painting by a local artist, some decorative figurines. Too impractical and delicate to travel with--but maybe you could keep the painting.

You’re not focused on unpacking the bags, though, which is unusual for you. Instead you’re standing in front of the couch, watching him with a determined look on your face.

“All right! That’s it, mister. Time to fess up.”

Chrollo barely has time to raise an eyebrow before you’re climbing onto the couch, straddling him. You smell of perfume and pastries and faintly, of sweat. Outdoor markets always did tire you out.

You hop up onto the couch, facing him on your knees, and place your knees on either side of his hips to get comfortable. Your arms wrap gently around his neck, and your breath is still sweet with sugar and cream. The smell contrasts beautifully with the pout on your lips.

“You haven’t been yourself all day. Soo… what’s wrong?” The words are sweet and light.

You noticed. Of course you did. You always noticed the little things about him.

And here, on the last day of your ordinary life, you were worried about him. How sweet. How kind. How adorable.

If only he could live forever in this moment. But ah, fate is not so kind to him, is it? It’s best not to dwell on it, especially when there’s so much to be done, and so much to be said.

For instance, he still has to get the handcuffs out of his duffel bag, just in case you prove too troublesome to leave without a fuss. He still has to mix together the tincture Shalnark gave him, to keep you calm, if you get too hysterical even for the cuffs.

When he doesn’t answer, the last bit of teasing in your eyes fades away, replaced with a warm, inviting worry. You tuck a stray bit of his hair behind his ears, the ghost of your fingertips tickling his scalp.

“Chrollo? Is it something serious?”

You lean back, and your delicate hands move to his chest, playing with the fabric of his shirt while you wait for him to open up to you.

He always does. But this time, it will be the full truth.

Well--you have always said you wanted to know him. Be careful what you wish for, and all that.

He sighs, leaning back into the couch. His chin tilts up until he’s staring at the ceiling of your apartment, something you’d fought and scraped for, something you’d proudly decorated with his help. There’s a blurry vision of your head cocking to one side as he thinks--he hates to see that particular tic of yours go, it’s one of his favorites.

His voice is short and cold and to the point, like the final click of cuffs around your wrists.

“It’s very serious.”

Your back straightens, and he looks away from the ceiling to meet your eyes. Your eyes are wider and worried. Your eyebrows are furrowed.

“What is it? Are you alright?” Your voice is breathy, soft, anxious. “You can tell me anything, Chrollo. You know I’m here for you.”

And you are, aren’t you? With your kind expression and your desire to return his own generosity towards you. For every time he helped you through a pinch, you were there to lift him up through his troubles, though they were often shallow and created by his own hand, all ways to bring you closer to him.

He commits this expression, this moment, to memory. It’s the last time you’ll look so sweetly worried at him, he thinks. For a long time, if not forever.

He gently grasps one of your hands in his, and you let him, sliding your fingers over his in a familiar gesture. His fingers tighten. He doesn’t want to let go now.

“We’ll be leaving tonight, my dear. And there’s so much you need to know first.”

#yandere chrollo #yandere chrollo x reader #yandere chrollo lucilfer #yandere hunter x hunter #yandere #afterwitch writes #chrollo: how can I make this all about me

1K notes · View notes