starmakii

[starmakii]

in case no one asked if you’re doing okay today, i care and would like to know. i also want to tell you i’m rooting for you today and every day.

[starmakii]

I am so so tired of having the compassion for everyone else that they don't have for me

You're having a bad day? Let me pause my whole life so I can help you with that. Let me give you that book that is so so special to me knowing I won't be getting it back. Let me play along with your cruel jokes, tend to your wounds and carry you across the finish line

I'm having a bad day and I must apologize for feeling feelings in your direction I guess I should have tried harder but I'll see you next time you need something

[starmakii]

I hide the part of me that needs to be loved the most and then crave to be loved as a whole.

[starmakii]

everyday i wake up and get proven again by everyone that i don’t fucking matter

[starmakii]

..but why did you go from messaging me every day, several times a day, checking on me, showing interest in me and reassuring me to suddenly distancing yourself from me, messaging me less and less until you just. stopped..? am i really that disposable, replaceable.. unlovable? just say so..

it's not like I ever felt any different anyway..

[starmakii]

As someone who likes being alone all the time usually, you know shit is getting bad when feeling alone starts to actually hurt you for once and you just want someone to hold you and be there.

[starmakii]

[starmakii]

“it could’ve been worse” ok and it also could’ve not happened to you

[starmakii]

think im losing this fight tbh

[starmakii]

[starmakii]

[starmakii]

“but it wasn’t that bad”

did it hurt? did you feel scared? unsafe? were you embarrassed? humiliated? terrified? did you feel confused on why? does it keep you up at night? do you avoid being in a similar situation? did you cry? did you want to cry? who told you it wasn’t that bad?

[starmakii]

bitches be like, “no, it’s fine!” while smashing thousands of plates in their heads while internally screaming

it’s me. I’m bitches

[starmakii]

[starmakii]

I regret not being furious with you earlier. I regret disrespecting myself by dismissing my own feelings. What you did is inexcusable. You made me feel so worthless.

I should've been enraged sooner, but I am now.

[starmakii]

[starmakii]

I got so much anger and for like what?

Is it my depression?

Is it cause I'm cooped up?

Or because I'm finally done with your bullshit

Who knows?

Not fucking me