starmakii

[starmakii]

I'm so tired of my heart hurting, fucking hell I hate hate hate hate being alive. I'm so tired of not knowing how to heal and fix myself and I wish I would stop caring that no one desires me in the way I wish someone would. It's not going to happen, not now, not ever. It's not a real thing for me.

[starmakii]

i want to break out of my shell and finally be able to grow the wings of an angel

[starmakii]

in my healing era!!! (rotting in bed, suicidal, barely eating or over eating with no inbetween, my body doesnt look like my own, stuck in an avoidant hellscape, terrified of looking people in the eye)

[starmakii]

(delusionally) maybe if im really really really good at this thing then people will take notice and love me and praise me and give me all the attention in the whole wide world ever and ill finally be worth something

[starmakii]

[starmakii]

my existence feels annoying and heavy all i want to do is curl up and fade out of reality

[starmakii]

I don’t feel like a person, I don’t have any sense of identity that I share with the outside world (do I have any identity at all? is anything about me even real?). I don’t leave any trace of myself behind; I want to be known, and yet i guess I don’t have enough energy or desire to change any of the things that result in me living like this. So i continue to exist in this unsatisfying, half-formed state.

[starmakii]

constantly torn between wanting to be someone’s first choice and not ever wanting to deal with the pressure and expectations of being that important to someone

[starmakii]

[starmakii]

hi yeah i know ive been on this medication for 8 years but i need-- yeah. yeah 3 more months please. I'll call you in 3 months to beg for 3 more months, thanks. Bye. Love you.

[starmakii]

[starmakii]

[starmakii]

is there any tags on here about weight that doesn’t involve feeder or pro ana content my fucking god.

[starmakii]

[starmakii]

advertisement should be illegal. this is based in the 3rd pillar of my belief system: leave me the fuck alone

[starmakii]

[starmakii]

Oughh Aowwww Eughhh