#you can tell when im a bit manic because i post

[thislittlekumquat]

Circling my computer like an uneasy dog because all I want to do is write but I have so many things I have to do and I just. Gnaws my own paw off to escape the trap.

[hyukakisses]

-emo beomgyu as your jealous bestfriend to boyfriend!

parings: beomgyu x fem reader

plot: heavily inspired by eli goldsworthy’s manic episode in degrassi, (and very old post i had up on my old account)

warnings: cursing, mentally ill/lovesick oreo gyu, sweet reader who’s a pushover, smut, jealous gyu, bestfriend to lover troupe, beomgyu is a bit toxic, beomgyu corrupts reader, reader is also mentally ill with a low self esteem if you squint, sub reader & dom gyu

“so how do i look?” you’d spin in your outfit you had planned out for the night, making beomgyu’s head shot up from the manga he was reading titled nana

beomgyu’s breath hitches at the back of his throat. “you look pretty really pretty” his big brown eyes trail up and down your frame. “why are you wearing black though? i mean it looks good don’t get me wrong but it’s just so not you”

you’d roll your eyes playfully at his comment, internally squealing at how beomgyu knew you so well. “i know this is going to sound so dumb but the guy i’m going on a date with only really likes goth girls”

beomgyu’s heart dropped to the pit of his stomach at your admission, you’re going out on a date? with a guy? a guy who wasn’t him?

“a date with a guy who doesn’t even like who you are? seriously y/n?” beomgyu did knew you had low self esteem but he didn’t know it was this low—

you’d frown at the blunt response, “i know i know i sound so pathetic but if i don’t mirror the people i like then how can i ever get them to like me?”

the scowl on beomgyu’s face falls, his eyes softening with pity at your words. how could you not see that he was in love with you? the emo boy would literally die for you — no scratch that beomgyu would kill bare hand slaughter anyone who even thought about you in a negative light yet you’re seriously convinced you couldn’t pull anyone with your personality alone?

beomgyu was about to speak up until your phone rings, a message from the mystery man that was outside your house waiting to escort you to a date and this made the manic emo boy’s blood boil

how dare he takes you away from him? how was that fair?

beomgyu groans loudly after waving you goodbye, waiting patiently on your soft fluffy bed resisting the urge to spam your phone with hundreds of messages and phone calls. hating how you chose some stranger over him

was he not good enough? did the black attire scare you off?

the feeling of impulsiveness rushes through beomgyu’s already wrecked headspace, grabbing his cellphone in a hurry. not being able to stop himself from double— no triple texting you in a row.

miss you >:( 8:10 pm

are you having that much fun without me? it’s been two minutes and you haven’t respond telling me how much you miss me too 8:12 pm

i really miss you 8:13 pm

beomgyu let’s out a sigh in frustration, contemplating on the back and forth idea of taking out his anger on your sanrio plushies but he breathes in excitement at the sound of his phone going off.

noooo im not having that much fun without you! i miss you too! 8:13 pm

>:( i hate when you leave me all alone you know 8:13 pm

im sorry ): i’ll make it up to you kay? stay up for me! mwah :3 8:14 pm

MWAH ^_^ <3!! 8:14 pm

WOAH WE KISSED! <3 >:D 8:14 pm

a little bit over a month passes since your night out, and you were currently sobbing on beomgyu’s shoulder. “i-i don’t know what happened i thought everything was going so well but he completely ghosted me when i bought up not wanting anything casual!”

“what’s wrong with me beomgyu? why doesn’t anyone seem to like me after the honeymoon phase? am i that terrible?” you went on a ramble squeezing onto your bestfriend for dear life.

beomgyu couldn’t ignore the slight pang of guilt in his chest as he held you in his arms, knowing how much it would kill you if you found out the reason why you can’t keep a relationship to save your life was because of him. beomgyu’s overbearing clinginess being a huge turn off to any guy you were talking to.

and since you were super trusting of your friend you never really saw how beomgyu was responsible for your bad luck in dating. this cycle resulting in your low self esteem eventually, often leaving yourself to do a lot of self blaming. wondering, going back and forth with your yourself on why things with literally anyone who showed you any romantic interest always went to shit

am i not pretty enough? am i that boring?

“hey hey so what if the guy doesn’t want to take things to the next level with you? the guys a total loser anyway did you see how beat his car was? you’re telling me you want to settle for someone who’s broke?” beomgyu chuckles trying to use humor to lighten up your pitiful mood

you’d sniffle, “b-but did you see the way he looked at me? it felt nice to be liked and not lusted for” and this made beomgyu chuckle to himself, lazily stroking your hair in an attempt to console you.

if only you knew how much beomgyu liked you— no loved you

“and i’m sure there’s ton of guys out there who will like you instead of lusting over you baby” beomgyu grins looking down at your face was buried in his scrawny chest

“r-really?” your head shoots up from the emo boy’s warm embrace, your eyes glimmering hopeful “you really think so gyu? you think anyone could love me?” you always craved beomgyu’s validation and reassurance

another thing you longed for was beomgyu liking you back, but he’s beomgyu and you’re well you’re you—

beomgyu laughs at your cute question, shaking his head causing his shaggy hair to bounce off his head. “are you kidding? of course i think anyone could love you and if they don’t then they’re a total dumbass”

what beomgyu really wanted to say was how he loved you, but the idea of someone as sweet as you dating a total mess of a man like him made the oreo haired boy feel sorry for you

you’d let out a wince, at the feeling of your bestfriend above you stretching out your pink gummy insides. clinging onto the males shoulder blades for dear life. “beomgyu c-can you be more gentle?”

beomgyu softens his blissed out gaze on you, basking in at how tiny you look compared to him and how pretty you looked laid on your back. you reminded the man of a princess.

beomgyu whimpers a nod at your words, his pace slowing down to a gentle rhythm. leaning down to close the gap between you both pulling your soft lips into a sweet kiss savoring the way you tasted like strawberry lip balm.

“does that feel better princess? im not hurting you too much now right?” beomgyu bangs flopped down his eyes making you giggle at the action

“n-no it’s not hurting anymore i feel really good..” you moan sweetly, loving at how beomgyu was checking up on you. “thank you for making sure my first time was with someone who loves me even if it was just in a friend way” you’d smile up at the emo boy bringing him down to your face for a hug

beomgyu mentally face palms, stuffing his face in the crook of your neck. the oreo haired boy drowning into your strawberry pound cake scent, wanting to scream at you in frustration. what kind of virgin takes another virgin’s virginity just because they loved them as a friend? are you really that fucking dumb?

a few weeks by and you had another date with another mystery man, and beomgyu was not happy.

after all the comforting words he told you how could you not see that he was in love with you? how could you possibly throw yourself at any guy who paid you attention?

beomgyu was tired of being nice and patient with you, and without thinking he immediately gets in his car to blow off some steam. imagining the hands belonging to your date dragging its way to your figure, cringing at the idea of you underneath another man cumming around his cock and such

beomgyu was so lost in the idea of you abandoning him for this new guy he didn’t realize he was driving straight into a tree, his eyes widening before the world around him went dark

“you came” beomgyu weakly smiles waking up as he senses you grabbing onto his hand

you’d sniffle back a few tears, seeing your bestfriend in such horrible condition and this made you feel very guilty. maybe if you were at home with beomgyu he wouldn’t have felt so bored at the house and he wouldn’t have gotten into his car resulting in his accident

“of course i came, i came as soon as i heard” fat tears fall down your face in relief when you examine beomgyu’s cuts face and saw that his cute weren’t severe. but the mere thought of beomgyu leaving you was too much

“im so sorry i should have never went out tonight— i should have just stayed indoors with you playing that stupid video game you like what what was it?” you cried trying to remember

“dead by daylight” beomgyu laughs at your crying state

“yes that! i’ve been so self absorbed i didn’t stop and realize that you need to come first im really sorry beomgyu” you’d rabble going into a fit of sobs, blaming yourself over and over again for this happening

“it’s okay seriously i just have a few cuts that’s all” beomgyu assures you, showing off the bandages around his body

“i know but i still feel so guilty..”

“don’t be”

you’d wipe your tears away with a dry laugh, “i don’t even know why i continue to go onto these dates when it’s you i want to be with” you’d admit blushing profoundly

“you what?”

“im sorry terrible timing i know but i almost lost you tonight so i might as well come clean” you’d laugh more genuine this time

“i like you too”

“you what?”

“you heard me, just shut up and help me home will you?”

a/n: this made me miss my ex.. enjoy enjoy

[matrixwhore]

mmm…

i wanna talk about paul. i dont think i lingered too much there. bc it’s a sensitive spot i guess? it’s a sensitive thing to be openly unwell. my focus with this post if i really even have that is his relation with louis. i wanna talk about paul in relation to how louis treats him and that being a reason why i love louis so much too. i love both characters. i think paul doesnt really ever get mentioned in fandom much. which is the psychosis experience tbh. so it tracks.

it’s a public spectacle every one wants so desperately to ignore and to be over. in my personal experience (and i don’t think i’m alone in this) the person going through it wants it to be over too. wants that people don't see them that way. but paul’s whole character is generally ignored other than in conversations about whether or not lestat caused his suicide, which was a compelling conversation. whether or not he did is a incredibly prickly thing in the gut of the story. and to be followed up with Louis staying with Armand after having killed claudia who has a thread with paul too. she has a manic/psychotic moment. she’s a collector. she’s a lot of things that society doesn’t want to see exist. (nor does the fandom but i digress) and the way she lives in this undead world is as if she doesnt exist at all so manny ways (like paul in life too in ways) we’ve spoken of if you are someone who dares to acknowledge the fullness of her character. i said this was about paul but im working through a connection in real time. i think that’s why i wanna talk about paul. bc he carries so much of the story in the little time he was alive. and his death is the catalyst for louis’ initial death. not the one lestat gave him, but the one that made it possible for lestat to convince him in the first place. ( the spiritual one maybe? idk. im just thinking thoughts)

what i never question in regards to paul and louis’ relationship, is that louis loves him. that’s what actually makes that: “did lestat kill him really? and whether or not he did kill him….louis thought he did and stayed?” conversation so insane in the membrane to me. because the way he treated paul shows me he does love him so much. one: something in him died with paul. another thing is that louis genuinely wanted him around. he advocated for him to stay out of the hospital. he took him out as soon as he was given the power to as head of household when his father died. (i have so many questions about his own feelings and opinions on his father.) he openly spent time with him. paul was his favorite person. he let paul crawl into bed with him. which is kind of big deal from what i know in the openly unwell population. not a lot of people want to comfort that. and louis allowing his male brother into bed with him for that tender moment is kind of a key moment for him to me bc of how the pressures of homophobia can affect how men are made to feel they can treat their male family members too. Louis sees him and his need and is willing to give it to him. louis wants to be there for his brother. he decides he’ll be the one to take care of him. tells grace not to worry about paul. he would take care of him. he assures paul he wont see lestat anymore. louis’ love for paul was in the way of lestat’s wants and desires. maybe paul did have suicidal ideation already. maybe many things can be true.

(i meant to post this during disability month, but i went through it and so now i’ll just continue where i left off)

louis struggling with killing a man with a daughter and wanting to go home to his brother…😵‍💫. paul isnt a child, but louis was his caretaker. in paul you see louis shine in that role (barring the bit where he pulls a knife out, and threatens to gut him, bc that was a performance. it’s not great but he didn't even want to do that). louis recognizing that locking away a man for having delusions just because he has them at all made paul worse was such a powerfully impactful thing to me. i say this fully well knowing sometimes going to the hospital can be beneficial these days, but even still being locked up there?? drugged and treated horribly given he was black and in a time when mentally ill people were treated heinously? louis saying he belongs at home and seeing to it that paul gets to be home with his family. spending time with him like he’s a person beyond his disability. beyond his delusions. that shit makes me like quiver and cry tbh. that’s mostly what people going through that need most of all and don’t receive. he loved paul. and when paul dies louis dies. idc. (so if lestat’s did take paul away from louis….he killed him twice….also while i’m here i have stirring thoughts about lestat knowing he could tell paul his truthful intentions in town and that out of paul’s mouth no one would believe him. maybe that’s the whole thought. or maybe i’ll come back to it. idk)

(i think in some ways claudia was also theyre to fill the casm paul created too. sorry none of this is like linear or anything im just thinking i guess. maybe i’ll make get into how i see they’re related later.)

[cricketanon]

CALLING FELLOW ANONS!!

I rewrote Welcome To The Internet, but it's "Welcome To The Anonverse"

I need some assistance in singing it! If you'd like to sing parts of the song, let me know!

Here's the lyrics:

Welcome to the Anonverse! Have a look around Will you try to keep the peace or burn the whole place down? We've got so much going on here; some things better, some worse If none of it makes sense to you, you wouldn't be the first Welcome to the Anonverse! We're so glad you're here We may seem a little manic, we might act a little weird But we promise we don't bite- well, some of us stab Aside from that, though, we really aren't that bad Welcome to the Anonverse! If you've time to spend You can try to kill immortals or just adopt all your friends Be happy! Be feral! Stab someone in rage! There are so many different ways to roleplay Welcome to the Anonverse! You're in for a ride Here's a bunch of spinning horses, here's that time we all just died We've got talk shows and violence and an army of Tems And a bunch of fights that break out the moment Enigma comes online; V01D, pass the popcorn Welcome to the Anonverse! Just you wait 'til nine Because when the server's active, there is no such thing as crime There's no reason to panic; we're just having fun! Hold up- did someone just give System a gun?? See Chaos's bald head, get arrested, send your memes Show us photos of your friend's cat, tell us everything you think Be a stalker, chill and talk or adopt one million daughter Find out Multi's height and mock her, steal a locker, burn some water, you could- Here's tips to treat a burn, and quotes from someone's mom Here's Assnon as a femboy and a bird eating a bomb We're practically a comedy run by eight-year-olds I hope you're ready 'cause our drama will ne-ver get old! … There's a little bit of everything all of the time A touch of almost anything all of the time Usual's unusual and nothing is a cri-ime Everything is havoc when chat comes to life There's a little bit of everything all of the time A touch of almost anything all of the time Anything can happen when the clock strikes ni-ine Everything is havoc when chat comes to life

If you want to join, just lmk!

The current people who are gonna be singing are:

Cricket Anon [me!!]

Arson Anon

Multiverse Anon

Lost Anon

Confused Anon

Tortoise Anon

Enigma

Tea Anon

Assnon

[Check the original post here for updates]

[us3rnam3-r3dact3d]

WEVE BEEN FED ONCE AGAIN‼️‼️‼️‼️YIPPPEEEEE🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉 I was in a painting class when this dropped,, longest hour of my life, my hands are still covered in blue paint as I write this

first paragraph got me thinking I should leave freelancer alone w Dr. Brachium 😳....and of course he's the cutiest sweetie pie,,,, my baby girl 🤭🤭

not kody bru cmon now. and OF COURSE he's freaky about it what are we doing guys. KEEP THAT WIERDO AWAY FROM THE BODIES I DONT TRUST HIM.

sunshine pixie cut? blue car? *VERY LOUD CORRECT BUZZER* (pls tell me it was a nissan)

ok.. I always write my comments as I'm reading ur story

my face dropped and my heart just fucking sank,,,, kody what the fuck

I feel nauseous- that line just gave me whiplash....the rainstrom..I'm on the floor

it's these little details that make your writing so immersive for me. LMAO U DIDNT EVEN PUT HIM IN THE TAGS 😭😭 get clapped idiot hope they leave ur ass in a burning building

I was fortunately remedied by caelum content even thought its sad he's much better off w gavin and FL. BUT OKAYYYYY GAVIN 🤑🤑🤑🤑 4 DIGITS????

FL taking charge on checking tank, yeah girl this is what I'm talking about ++ THE ADVICE YEAH GIRL THATS WHAT IM TALKING ABOUT!!!! ugh.. guys can we all just pinky promise to be super nice to eachother and not be evil and we'll hold hands and get ice-cream and watch silly movies and-

AND DESPITE WHAT EVER THE FUCK IS HAPPENING FL is still talking about hot men,,,, same Freelancer,,, same 🫂🫂

the story just gets better and juicier with every upload, another great read keep it up bestie!!!!!

-🦀

Happy to provide for you my friend!! I'm so honored that this fic has you so excited!!

Oh yes, Freelancer is a giant flirt and pretty much spends all of their time observing how attractive the people around them are. Person after my own heart, when they see somebody hot, they are ogling.

Yeeaaaahhhh Kody is a creep. He's supposed to give "no empathy for the dead people" and he finds the fact that Brachium has so much empathy a little bit funny?? He just thinks it's stupid to talk to the bodies. Brachium is used to that, though. Some of his colleagues believe that it's unprofessional, but Brachium finds it to be a central part of his process when it comes to dealing with his job. He can't separate himself emotionally from death, so he has to plunge himself into the acceptance of it head first.

Thank you, thank you, I love a manic pixie dream Sunshine for sure. For you, crab anon, their car is now canonically a Nissan.

I'm sorry for the surprise, but I felt that was how the line had the most impact. I actually forgot to put Kody in the tags at all lol I will amend that. Yeah I wanted to line to come on fast, since that is often how these things happen. That single moment changed a lot for Freelancer, and so it abruptly changes the tone of the chapter. I'm so glad you liked it.

And yay Caelum!! He's a cutey, even when he's traumatized and in shock lol. He's for sure better off with Gav and FL, and Gavin will spare no expense when it comes to Caelum. He makes his fair share of money and he won't let Caelum want for anything ever again. It does result in Caelum being spoiled, but that's neither here nor there.

Freelancer is Capable and once they past their insecurity, they show it. Their greatest strength as a medical professional is their empathy, same as Brachium. The fact that they put their whole heart into things. The person who can help Darlin' through this moment is only that person because they were victimized. They can use that for good now. Not that that's required, of course, just how Freelancer prefers to deal with it.

Freelancer WILL drool over a hot man every chance they get. And David Shaw is a very hot man.

Thank you so much!! I'm so glad you're enjoying this piece buddy. I look forward to your asks every time I post. More soon!!!

[nikolai-alexi]

i just feel like “pity party” by melanie martinez is what james feels like going back and forth between manic and depressive episodes without any neutrality between them

like “why’d i put my heart on every cursive letter” is him questioning why he puts so much of himself into other people but can’t do the same to himself

“tell me what to do to make it all feel better”

“just means there’s way more cake for me” what he tells himself to justify people in his life not showing up when he needs them (probably because he wasn’t able to ask for the help he needed and they aren’t mind readers but on either side of the spectrum he holds a lot of anger at them for it)

“it’s my party and i’ll cry if i want to” calling his manic episodes parties because the only feeling that compares even a bit to the euphoric mania when he’s neutral is at a party

“i’ll cry until the candles burn down this place, I’ll cry until my pity party’s in flames” a mix between the more narcissistic kind of mania and euphoric mania (nothing can hurt me because im better that everything/im unstoppable) and also some of the post episode guilt and needing to hide away his shame from everyone

“maybe if i knew all of them well, i wouldn’t have been trapped inside this hell that holds me,” he knows all his friends exceptionally well but most of them don’t know him on that same level purely because he keeps everyone at a surface level distance. people can’t leave if they don’t know how fucked up you are. but people can’t help if they don’t know what’s wrong

“im laughing, im crying, it feels like im dying” spiralling through so many different spectrums of emotions and episodes and not ever being able to find footing. the physical mental and emotional whiplash that quick flips take you through and the impact it has on your relationships. not knowing how to respond to even basic stimulus because your brain is constantly in a rapid fire cycle of a never ending hell that you’re the number one prisoner of

[noxiatoxia]

@pumpkinmetaphor HII ur asks are off and tumblr DMs are a nightmare to navigate so I will respond here to spare poor poor op

soo I have quite a bit written out actually, but idk if it'll ever come to be ...? I think I actually made a post abt it a bit back. It's just one of those many many things I write in my downtime for fun that will prob never get finished. Anyways the concept revolves around werewolves because I love stories of protags having some deep secret they cannot reveal for fear of rejection or worse. In the story, Kaoru has been infected with lycanthropy after being attacked badly by a werewolf. He lies about this encounter to everyone, doctors and his brother included, as he genuinely believes he must have saw wrong. He was attacked at night when he couldn't see well, the animal seeming to be a wolf...but there aren't any wild wolves in Japan. So Kaoru believes it must have been something else. (side note idk how the disease spreads as of yet. Think either saliva in the bloodstream like rabies or it's a thing of if you get killed by a werewolf you come back as one not knowing you technically died...)

Soso Kaoru beings acting strange after this event. After weeks recovering physically, coming back home, his personality shifts unknowingly to himself. He becomes a lot more restless at night, much more snappy and rude, generally kinda acting like his brother more lol. He just seems to be losing his temper easier and being more aggressive and physical, even with Hikaru, who he also becomes more snappy with. Obviously he doesn't understand why he's acting like this, neither does anybody in the club.

Then the big thing happens...full moon baybeeee. Up to this point Kaoru would feel more awake/elevated heartbeat when looking at the moon, but when the full moon comes around, he feels fucking crazy. Like manic and uncontrollable and he starts to freak out a bit. However he sticks it out because the club is hosting a prom event like episode 2, so it's like, whatever, go home and sleep later.

Until he makes the mistake of forgetting to keep himself busy, which leads to him compulsively staring at the moon, and then he finds he can't look away, and well.

And the transformation thing sort of has him black out. In my head, I imagine the werewolves look like regular wolves, just a tad bigger with bigger paws that may be more human-like. Definitely makes him lose all cognitive ability, and by the time he snaps back to normal, he doesn't know where he is, his clothes are tattered, he's in so much pain, and there's blood, and he's like whaaat the fuck happened here...

He's able to hide these facts, not wanting anyone to know how he found himself when he woke up bc that shit cannot be good. quickly through talk he finds that morning that haruhi got hurt last night, so of course hikaru (who is doubly worried about his brother who disappeared for a chunk of the night) urges that the two of them along with the rest of the host club check up on haruhi (who is at home trying to tell them "im fine guys gooddd")

but like, ofc its the club so they knock the door down lmfao. and tho haruhi plays it cool, she is obviously a little shaken about whatever happened. she has some bandages but nothing awful.

turns out, as she explains, an animal attacked her last night (cue tamaki wailing) and she scared it off by blindly slashing a pocket knife at it ("WHY ARE YOU CARRYING SUCH A DANGEROUS WEAPON AROUND!?!? IF YOU NEED BODY GAURDS KYOYA CAN DO SOMETHING IM SURE-" "i use it to open packages senpai.")

kyoya of course takes the idea of a wild, vicious animal on school grounds very seriously, and so inquires on the appearance of the animal. haruhi pauses but admits it looked like a wolf. of course kyoya tells her that can't be right, it must have been a stray dog, but haruhi insists it did NOT look like a dog.

anyways, the club are in uproar about this, arguing back and forth about this wolf-not-wolf that nearly killed haruhi, and kaoru is silently watching from the back as a terrifying realization dawns on him. he remembered waking up with there being blood. namely, blood on his hands and under his nails, and a nasty cut he got on his cheek which he assumed he acquired by tripping and hitting something sharp. But if he pairs that with what haruhi says, it seems INSANE, but also...it would make sense. everything to this point would make sense.

and it terrifies him. it terrifies him more that hikaru swears up and down that he's going to "kill that filthy mutt" that hurt haruhi, and it terrifies him that kyoya says he's going to bring this up with school staff about increasing security. he wonders if he told them that it wasnt just a wolf, it was HIM, that if they would be merciful, or if they would still hate him. if hikaru would want him dead still. and the fact is, he HURT someone. his friend. this is his fault and he cant even blame his friends if they wanted to go as far as kill him if they found out, now that he is literally a monster that can kill people.

this, finally, is where the carriage thing comes in (took long enough!) the story functions as an elaborate ass metaphor, where kaoru's lycanthropy is a physical metaphor for his anxieties about the person who he's supposed to be, the harm he thinks he's causing other people, the harm he's causing his brother. he's running around, trying to find a cure while keeping everyone in the dark, praying no one finds out before he can fix this and fix himself. and if he cant, his only option is likely a grim one, but he CANT let anyone know, it's too risky, he has to do this by himself. his self-destroying obsession with keeping everyone safe and doing the right thing for his friends causes him to push them away from fear of hurting them or getting hurt himself. there's that part of him that's convinced he won't be able to solve this.

it basically drives him to his lowest point mentally and physically. he avoids all his friends so he can't hurt them with his uncontrollable temper or possible transformation, he's doing tons of shady shit in an effort to cure himself. he goes to nekozawa bc if anybody knows how to solve this fuckery its nekozawa and nekozawa treats him like a little lab experiment lmao bc of course he is enraptured by kaoru's newfound form and the physical changes it has made to his body (sharper canines, faster-growing hair, possibly an inch taller, newfound silver allergy). but of course as news of the wolf attack on campus spreads so do rumors, some "crazy" rumors about werewolves being real, of course rumors that are mocked by most of the kids as being nonsense scary stories, but this does NOT help kaoru's paranoia...

as for how this story ends WELL it's unfinished so you can guess (i have no ending.) i do want some part of hikaru obviously finding out at the worst possible moment, probably a very unfortunate circumstance where kaoru is unable to escape transformation on a full moon and hikaru is there. and he probably begs and pleads for hikaru to leave him alone but of course his brother won't do that, and obviously he is fucking stunned to see his brother turn into ?? a wolf. like erm *marvel voice that just happened..... and since kaoru has no control in this form, he tries to attack and even kill hikaru. hikaru would obviously not fight back, bc he doesn't want to hurt kaoru. that and he is stunned silent.

there are other elements of the story i want. for example, if i ever finish this thing, i do have ideas of ayanokoji being involved somehow. probably a witness to kaoru's odd behavior/actual transformation and thusly being able to use this against him cuz Fuck Da Host Club. or even try to kill him herself bc he's a fucking wolf dude idk. i also had this scene in my head with arai being involved bc the night kaoru attacks his brother he wakes up far as fuck away from tokyo with no memory except knowing A) hikaru was there and B) there is blood all over him he can only think of the worst possibilities so he kinda wanders in an unfamiliar back road in a fugue state until some lady almost accidentally hits him with a car and is like. who is this child covered in wounds and blood......and very sane thing to do she is like. hey do u need like. a lift. you look like ur gonna die. you have like 3 stab wounds. and kaoru is like. floor it chief. anyways turns out it's arai's mother ! woah. which is funny because after helping Kaoru and hanging out with him she admits she's like, "oh i helped you cuz you remind me of my son. you seem about his age" and kaoru is like oh ha ha that's nice of you....and then fuckin arai shows up a few hours later and kaoru is like "ohhhhhhhhhhh............................uhoh."

to which since kaoru doesnt have his phone on him arai offers to phone haruhi for him since he has her number and of course 5 minutes later the host club is at their location in a fucking helicopter or some shit bc ZOMG KAORUUU WE WERE SO WORRIED ABOUT YOUUUUU WHERE DID U GOOOO (hikaru withholding information)

it's an incredibly "fan fiction-y" story i admit. but that's the fun of it. it could get soooo dramatic too. cuz like yeah duhh hikaru wouldn't want to kill kaoru ofc not but OTHER people ? there's a guy who is a werewolf. umm. can't see that going over well. and the general attitude kaoru would hold and the way he attempts to figure everything out on his own. the day he and hikaru reunite after hikaru finds out the truth could go so many ways, from silence to yelling to crying to awkward laughing to kaoru just blankly asking what hikaru plans to do with him now, like he's a prisoner accepting his execution. sorry i am a fan of introducing trauma between the toxic codependent twins. and like the other members of the club? i can see people like tamaki being quick to try and help kaoru (despite what he did to haruhi) and haruhi being like "this may as well happen welcome to Ouran Fucking Highschool" but people like Mori or Kyoya may be more hesitant, pointing out kaoru, while not malicious, genuinely CANNOT control himself in his canine state and has shown multiple times that can and WILL kill people, including his friends, and that can't be ignored or brushed off. maybe they put a muzzle on him idfk. either way, it's also a great metaphor for stigma bc once his friends start finding out, they are obviously treating him differently. Even (or especially) hikaru. he's being treated like a different person now. it makes him feel more inhuman than ever. they only see this awful monster he can become now, he feels, and honestly, maybe they're right. it's not all of who he is, but it's a part of him, a part of him that has hurt two people he loves most, and so he can't help but judge himself based off that too.

well ermmmm yes! that is my funny funny story that i have like 6k written down in a word document of that i may or may not finish who fuckin knowwws

[acidrcins]

did you hear the latest scoop ? we’ve got a new student joining us ! a little birdie told me that they’re called CHAE SEORI, but they kinda remind me of BAE SUZY — don’t ‘cha think ? you’re probably thinkin’ they’re just another TWENTY-SEVEN year old in their FIRST year of some MASTER'S DEGREE IN BIOCHEMISTRY , but wait ‘till you hear about their POISON GENERATION ! nifty, huh ? they’re pretty PRINCIPLED on nullivi, but you should watch out for their VINDICTIVE just in case ! anyway — if you wanna check them out, i heard they’re staying at the YELLOW HALL. oops ! you didn’t hear that one from me !  ༊*·˚

hello, i'm liv and v excited to b here! im a sl*t for anything superpower related and im also still off that gen v high so very excited to be here! all i can offer is this intro post, which i hope covers all the Key Aspects of miss chae seori. if i may summarize, shes just trying her best to be a good person while making questionable decisions and internalizing everything bad that her family has ever said abt her ‪♡‬ a cate dunlap wanda maximoff dupe rly

do like this post if u would like to plot because i would LOVE to and i much prefer d*scord hehe

also tw for mentions of nausea

𖥸 ─ basics

chae seori (often seen with gloves and a mask)

scorpio sun, pisces moon, scorpio rising

born 12 november 1996 in a small town in the outskirts of seoul 

currently a first year masters student, studying biochemistry & living in yellow hall

makes poison out of her fingertips & can infect those through physical contact or through air (if in close proximity)

there have been rumours going around that seori is able to give a kiss of death but she would like to debunk those rumors! her lips are harmless really its just the air around her

big on wearing patches but she wont tell you. will make u guess whether she has one or not. (justifies by saying shes just having fun)

𖥸 ─ personality

tl;dr morally grey girl, who's trying to prove herself as a good person (but it's hard when your powers are literal poison). a little bit of a manic pixie dream girl too

positive: principled, collected, intuitive, charming, inquisitive

negative: reticent, elusive, vindictive, temperamental, self-centered

alignment: chaotic neutral (the only principles she follows are the ones she sets for herself)

character inspirations: heavily inspired by gen v's cate dunlap, the hunger games' finnick odair, mcu's wanda maximoff, looking for alaska's alaska young, yellowjackets' natalie

archetypes: the vixen, the philophobic, the antihero

associated aesthetics: shades of gray, smiles that don't seem to reach your eyes, making questionable decisions but finding ways to justify them to yourself, dark eyes and darker nights, flirtatious touches with a hint of danger, red lipstick, unexplained headaches and waves of nausea

in control of her emotions but has tendencies to lash out. she is working really hard to be a good person!!! (by her standards) (she is thisclose to just saying fuck it and just embracing that she is a Villain tho pls someone enable her)

but she can get very resentful lmfao (example A: in her most recent biochemistry class, she told herself urself it was ok that the guy in class just mansplained a concept that she had already understood in middle school but then also gave him a wave of nausea once class ended because he was so fucking rude and deserved it)

keeps up a facade of being coquettish and flirtatious ( i never watched doona but that was the vibe i got from her gifs lmfao ) i think she can be quite charming tbh the queen of breadcrumbing ‪♡‬ keep them close enough, but never enough to touch. it's sort of a coping mechanism. safe space where no one can see what a shit person she really is and how she doesnt really deserve love

no one really knows much abt her and she intends to keep it that way

heavily motivated by wanting to know more! generally the kind of person who would conduct wild ass experiments or "would you love me if i were a worm" i kinda picture it like how finnick in catching fire is like he's paid with secrets!! same vibe with seori :D

𖥸 ─ background

pretty ordinary life growing up. parents are not particularly rich but they don't struggle either. happy small town family ‪:)

shit hits the fan when shes twelve and her brother is fourteen and they find out hes an anomaly. superhuman strength and speed. finds out after he saves a dog from getting hit by a car

if it had been anyone else, perhaps, they would've been the town's outcast but because it's her older brother, all conventional good looks with conventionally lauded powers, they worship him. he becomes the town's superman, girls come up and take pictures with him, he even gets featured in the town parade and seori is just there in the shadows

it gets even worse two years later when she finds out shes also anomaly! but unlike her brother, seori causes an incident of projectile vomiting after a particularly envious moment where her family forgets her birthday and instead, spends the day with her brother. it is messy and disgusting and it happens in the town center. no one forgets. and seori is no longer there in the shadows, she's actively cast out, whispers about why she cant be more like her brother and this is why anomalies should not be given rights

it takes seori some time to figure out her powers but she gets the hang out of it. not that it matters lol shes the black sheep, the 'villain' because goddamn shes literal poison. even her family treats her that way

she doesn't believe those words until one day she gets into a heated argument with her family. tells her mum that shes a person too and wails her father that no one has called her by her name in years and she's nothing but a stain in their family. they don't deny it and in a fit of rage and hurt and anger, she manages to cause irreversible brain damage to her brother

and that is the moment seori realizes she is the villain everyone talks about and she is the monster (doesnt help that her pupils are dark and her veins are black) !!! not a pretty look (think the monsters in sweet home before they transform kind of vibe) and so she runs

runs and runs and runs to seoul where she gets by on illegal means. she is ashamed of the things she has done (e.g., disrupting the storeowners vision long enough to get food to eat, sent someone into unconsciousness and pretended to be their granddaughter caring for them to get a house to stay, batting doe-eyes to boys who will buy her a pack of ramen) and since then shes actively working on being a better person

swears to keep her feelings in control, only uses her powers when justified (although her moral compass is cracked)

𖥸 ─ wanted connections

thank you if you made it this far! ‪♡‬ ‪♡‬ mwah mwah i appreciate u also i love plotting and just brainstorming so here are some rough ideas but OFC always open to talk !!

friends ! or better yet, friends who only meet late at night and you talk about the stars and your feelings and in the morning you pretend you have no other who the other is

someone who's immune to her....

fellow individuals in #STEM

ok this is really specific BUT what if.. our muses were enemies... and they kissed... and seori's feeling INTENSE emotions and accidentally fucks ur muses' vision up and gives them a headache and she has to pretend like it didnt excite her

she doesnt believe she deserves to be loved, so i would LOVE an angsty first love breakup thing. bonus points if she broke ur muses heart

she accidentally poisons u (she swears its an accident)

u catch her doing some immoral shit and tell her shes not a good person

a sam/cate situation. someone enable her to just fuck it youre not a good person so embrace it!!!

i love angst and antagonism so lets beef (ic)

[riddlemethisjeremy]

On that post about autism winning you put in the tags how cannibalism isn't a great survival food source can you elaborate more on that because I'm genuinely curious

yes actually !!

So there are a few reasons for this

The first one, which im pretty sure i mentioned in the tags, is that human flesh is actually really low on calories.

And i know

"calories bad 😡😡😡 high calorie food isnt good for you etc. etc."

This is a diet culture myth

Calories are actually the human body's main source of long term energy your body converts it into fat to store it and then burns the fat to make energy when food is scarce/when you're using a lot of it at once.

Having a high calorie diet is like pretty good for people in stamina sports because it means they won't burn out too quickly.

When you're in a survival situation where food is scarce, you're gonna want foods either high in sugar so you can get your energy boost straight away (humans are not this because we burn through sugar like its gasoline) or high in calories so that you can preserve your energy and live longer, and so you can last off the same bit of food for longer. Food that is high in calories tend to be filling because your body is getting a bunch of storable energy really quickly and you do not need as much of it at once to live.

Because humans store energy as fat, though, a lot of the calories in it tend to burn when you would be cooking human flesh, meaning that most of the useful survival nutrients likely will be wasted. And making the assumption that this is a city person who is resorting to cannibalism as a final option, they probably would not be able to stomach raw human/not a hundred percent but it could possibly kill you? I know human meat gets compared to pork/chicken quite often and they're both white meats, which you can't eat raw. So in the basic sense of getting energy off of the food you're eating, humans just don't have the correct nutritional balance to sustainably keep you alive you'd have kill and eat another person every like two-three days whereas animals like pigs/goats/sheep you could live off for at least a week before they start to spoil (and even then if you cook it thoroughly uts still technically safe to eat for like almost a month) so if you can find something similar in your wilderness environment do so

Also don't quote me on this but pretty sure a good way to tell for meat with decent calorie intake is muscle vs fat

Beef cows are often bred for muscle as opposed to fat because the fat just lacks nutrients and doesnt satisfy hunger very well

So if you have a himbo friend they're going first just saying

But also humans aren't really naturally built to build muscle as well as they build fat, so either way chances are you'll still end up lacking calorie intake.

Reason number two !!

A pretty fuckin big one

Kuru

Kuru is a protien disease (i think thats the word). I dont know all the sciency shit but basically inside your brain you have these little chemicals and theyre unique to you. They like float around your body a little and vibe idrk why they're there.

However

When you ingest human flesh

The other persons little protein things attack your ones.

Most of what i know about the symptoms of kuru come from this one zombie game my dad used to play (z nation or gen z or some shit like that it was a super hardcore survival game) so like dont quote me too much on this

But basically it deteriorates your brain functions. You like start getting forgetful/judgement/risk evaluation gets affected/emotional management fucks off completely (you get all manic sometimes i think and like hysterical laughing is common in later stages) and eventually your brain just kind of in general stops functioning and you die.

And it takes a little while like a couple weeks or something i think depending on the amount of human flesh you consume.

And like you won't always contract a lethal level of kuru i think, like generally the further away from the brain you are the better off you'll be? Like if you eat a human brain you're practically dead on arrival but if youre munching on toes you have to eat like four or five people's worth to die

Fun fact: the penis is the only place on the human body this protein isnt found which means eating dick is safe.

But yeah kuru is nasty and i do not recommend to the average tumblr user.

Please bear in mind that i am not a science nerd do like the more scientific shit i am not a hundred percent on and you should probably take this with a lil grai of salt because i might have oversimplified or misunderstood something

But this is more or less why cannibalism is not a great survival tactic and should definitely be the last of last resorts

[ewanmitchellcrumbs]

✨✨✨✨✨ANGEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! ✨✨✨✨✨

Okay hiii ~~ I’m dumping all these thoughts on you so be prepared 🤭

So like I said in my last message, I’ve been a very dark place recently where everything seems like it’s constantly hitting, but after asking for your advice, I took it to heart and really followed if, finding it really did help taking it one tiny step at a time with the simplest things. Life is still throwing every little shit it can find at me, but I’m dealing with it much much better, and I feel like I owe you some thanks to that, so again, I don’t think I can ever tell you how much I appreciate you and enjoy your presence!! I never got to respond to it, but I read your post recently and felt like this was more important to respond first.

Two, I’m so saddened to hear you’re feeling a bit lost about the writing and fandom. I haven’t been on much trying to focus on my self so I don’t know much, but when I do check in every now and then, it does seem… quiet? I hope and think it’ll liven up the closer it comes to June. But regardless of that—

I ADORE YOUR WRITING. Your writing is some of the most thought-provoking, emotional pieces I’ve read, and it truly shows and reflects just how much heart and soul you put into it. I’ll be honest, there’s some times when I can’t read certain fics of yours because I’m not mentally in the right headspace for some, but— to me— it just reflects on how great and impactful your writing is!!! Idk if u remember, and this was when I newly started following you so I was like extra super nervous and shy lol, but the person that requested the jealous Ettore was me. I think I remember sending an anon back and thanking you bc I was impressed and thankful you accepted it, but also I was so shy my hands were shaking the entire time so it was a bit blurry lol. I remember literally fangirling and gushing to my two friends (one who doesn’t even care about Ewan lmao) about how I was so impressed and blown away by it!! Your Ettore series had me hooked (AND IM STILL NOT OVER HOW IT ENDED— I WILL NEVER RECOVER. I will sue you for my emotional damages 🥺)! The Aemond one where after a toxic relationship, the reader tries to escape and he doesn’t let her literally made me want to wallow in the despair. And the Michael Gavey one where I basically wrote an essay of how much I loved it is still one I think about way too much for it to be healthy— plus it’s given me some really crazy dreams 🤭 Those are just my top three! Much to say, I adore your writing. I adore the commitment and dedication you give and feed us. And most importantly, I adore you. Although selfishly I hope you continue, I hope you know no matter what you ever decide to do, I’ll always support and follow. I am a la loyal after all 🤭😂

In all seriousness, I hope life is treating you well, and i hope you’re being kind to yourself. I’m sending all my love and support!! Please stay safe and healthy. Much much much love to you, Ange 🩶🩶🩶

-Hannah Montana anon.

Post Scriptum:: this was insanely long and completely manic-produced, I am so so sorry !! ✨

I am so glad that my advice has helped a little and things are starting to improve for you. I hope they continue to get better!

I had no idea your were my jealous Ettore anon! I had so much fun writing that, thank you for sending it! And thank you for the kind words, they truly mean a lot. You have never been anything but kind and supportive to me, and I hope you realise how appreciated it is!

I've no plans to deactivate this blog. I enjoy reading other people's fics, and looking at all the pretty gifs. I just need to do something for myself that makes me feel better about my own creative output. I've no idea what that is yet, but I will figure it out!

Thank you for taking the time to check in. I hope the rest of your week is a good one. Sending so much love to you! xoxo

[87435678753256732]

Feb 2023

helo!!! we are 3 months into 2023, and wow has it been a ride. the last time i posted, i had been broken up with and was processing the grief. i wanted to reflect on that a little more before i update you on the next things that have happened.

januarys retrograde sucked! or at least that’s what i thought at the moment. i am SO happy things happened the way they did, and that i was let go instead of staying in an awkward relationship that i convinced myself could somehow work. let me list the weird things i now am happy i left behind. 1. lack of sexual discipline. i’m all about sexual positivity, but there is definitely a line that cannot be crossed. fantasizing about weird sexual topics (incest?!) is fucking weird. 2. unrealistic goals. i’m all about supporting people, and i understand that not everyone has similar career timelines, but having unrealistic goals for yourself with things you aren’t even good at was a bit painful to see. i was the funny one basically. 3. couldn’t make me cum. okay, selfish some might say, but damn! couldn’t at least pick up a book or something? 4. mom. okay, your mom was hot and i’ll miss her. you had a terrible relationship with her which should have been a red flag. especially when you physically let out your anger. that’s the list so far that i can think of. basically, i did charity work. i’m not entirely bad bc i got to learn so much about myself and others during this short period of time. my mom asked what happened. i told her things were off, and our personalities weren’t a good match. i’m embarrassed that i brought him over for christmas, especially when he did nothing but complain about the food and games we played with my family. the gift he told me he didn’t even pick out, then later blamed the effort put on my birthday instead. what the fuck? lmao. my mom believes i was used for my body, and warned me to not let other men easily let me give myself up again. i can tell she really didn’t like him, i would’ve appreciate a heads up or something. my best friend also shared similar sentiment. her first issue was when he asked me about having an open relationship, something i would never imagine myself doing as a strictly monogamous person, which i let him know. i believe the desire to explore sexually also let to the breakup, which would make more sense than blaming my physical appearance. an introvert and extrovert aren’t a good “opposites attract” story like people say. anyways, it’s march and things have been awesome. but first let me talk about February.

on the second half of january, i focused on reflecting and healing. i had my therapy sessions and rants with online friends about the issue. their validation helped me tremendously. i will admit that it was easy for me to move on so quickly because i 1. convinced myself to like this person, even as a friend and 2. i didn’t allow myself to fall in love with them. my gut feeling did NOT let me, which im extremely grateful for now that i look back. the negative traits outshined the positive. the main obstacle i was getting past was the attachment, for example, no longer having someone to check in on.

in february, i sat with the idea of possibly dating again, even if it was just for casual hookups. i mentioned this in a jokingly way to my best friend, and she suggested that i download hinge. i decided to download it in the beginning of february, and set up my profile the first day. i had previously known about the number of men that outnumber women, so i was aware that i might have an influx of folks. and i was right! i met some people that were fun to talk to, but things didn’t go anywhere. and i met others that felt like i was talking at a job interview, asking them questions without them asking any questions about me. i went on my first hinge date feb 10 i believe, and it wasn’t as terrible as i thought it could be. the guy pulled up in a cowboy fit, which was interesting. possibly going through a manic episode. he paid for our food, which i insisted on helping with, and didn’t suggest doing anything sexual which was pretty nice of him. i wouldn’t have minded it, but it was also interesting to see what religious ppl do instead of hooking up. we stopped talking about three days after the date, mostly bc of his inconsistency and lack of desire to go on a second date (yet wanted to keep texting?) i told my best friend we’d hop on and start swiping again on monday. from monday to wednesday, i focused on ppl that had sent me likes instead of sending them myself. priority shipping if you will. there were def some interesting characters in the mix. i will admit that i focused more on people that replied to my prompts, as we’d have something to talk about. on monday i swiped on a guy that questioned the mcdonald’s rewards system, which i was suspicious about. from mom-wed, i kept up with the conversations i had (around 5?) but noticed only one stood out, one person that kept up with my dumb shit. he asked me out on a date tht wednesday, and we went with the bit and went to mcdonalds. i drove to the location and arrived about 10 minutes after leaving home. i was nervous, mainly bc all this guys pics looked kind of different, but fuck it. i parked and called, and his voice as HOT AS FUCK. a teardrop fell down my ear but i knew i couldn’t let my horniness succumb my ability to form a relationship. pulled up, and HOLY FUCK this guy was cute/hot/handsome/WOW. first thing i thought was holy shit, his pics didn’t do him justice (but hey, that means more fer me). we get our food and talk for about an hour. our date last around 3-4 hours, and then we go inside his car bc it was really windy and cold outside. there, we do more talking and find out more things about ourselves. he told me about a person he had recently ended things with due to various reasons, and i stood there wide eyed as i realized i would be nothing like that person. as we talk more, he ask for a kiss, and my whore brain automatically turns on and goes YIPPEE! but i act cool 😎 and lean in. WOAH was it hot. we pull away, look at eachother, and then do some more kissing. i stop to laugh because we’re literally still at the mcdonald’s parking lot. i ask if maybe we could take the car elsewhere, and he mentions he could take us back to his place. WOWOWJWPWAHJ instant gushing from my coochie. i was so sex deprived and borderline desperate that i eagerly agreed. my sex drive is high, which i mentioned, and he told me his was too. typical for a man, heh. fast forward, we hook up and dudes pussy whipped. pulled out the old tricks in the book and wowed him. he asked what my bc was, since apparently i seemed seasoned. i told him, and asked what his was. double digits?! HARLOT! but guy laid pipe really fucking good so i guess i’m glad i got to meet the seasoned veteran. so this was in february (2/22) angels numbers, woaaaa

about three days after we see each other, he tells me that he plans on deleting binge, and that he likes me. i’m like WOWIE, tht was fast. ff to 2/26, and i ask if he’d like to be in a relationship with me, to which he quickly replies “yes” to. waooo. i will have to make a second post for march, keep ya updated!

[3liza]

hey im not gonna spread your weird social media-mediated brain infection on my blog, instead here are some cool studies to look at about how the "beautiful people have an easier life, every day, all the time" is a simplistic view, and is also patriarchal as fuck. more recent studies on "beauty privilege" are finding that the issue is complex, and that perceived beauty acts as a negative pressure in some/many social situations. i have always wondered why my experiences varied so much from the apparent wonderland the pop-science concept of "beauty privilege" paints, and more recent studies (often designed by women this time, imagine) are getting into the complexity there.

you personally may want to think about not reading my social media accounts if they are making you feel and act like this. i think i am not going to interact with you anymore if i can help it because i feel bad about what it is doing to you. anyway.

the short version is that beauty is beneficial in heterosexual social situations when dealing with the opposite sex, but detrimental when dealing with the same sex. this aspect of the research is usually ignored because who needs nuance in their pop psychology, right? not this guy (pointing 2 self)

very simply put, a beautiful woman can flirt her way out of a ticket from a heterosexual male cop. if she tries it on a person who doesnt consider her a potential romantic partner, there may be (and apparenly often are) negative consequences.

similarly in my own life i find that 99% of the apparent opportunities i'd been given for being young and fuckable were predicated on me actually fucking* the person who "offered" them, and most of them turned out to be fake/insincere opportunities anyway. tumblr refers to this as "grooming" when applied to child subjects (which i was, for much of it) but the behavior persists into the target's adulthood, middle age, and even old age if certain conditions are met. i can't find any studies on this because you can't put a Sleazy Guy in a lab setting and ask him "hey were you actually going to hire this woman on hte up-and-up, or were you going to 'hire' her and then spend 16 months making increasingly deranged sexual harassment attempts before reporting her to HR for made-up reasons and then finally firing her or hamstringing her career? just wondering".

i always think about that episode of Always Sunny where Mac goes nuts because every kid in his class was molested by the gym teacher and he imagines this to be some sort of privilege, even though charlie was one of the victims and is clearly devastated by it. thats what this conversation feels like every time it gets to the level of anons making fake tumblr accounts to KEEP pestering me about this stuff. remember that thing i said earlier about blood in the water, and how i dont post about bad shit that happened to me because it attracts the wrong kind of attention??? hehuehueheuheuhuehriuhgfidsrhru

actually thats a whole other realm of study: why victims of sexual assault and abuse are often re-victimized. until recently it was assumed that the victims were making bad decisions in who to trust, and this is sooorrrrtt of true, but doesn't tell the whole story. i read a study once that i am trying to find and will post later if i find it, that took video of adult women study subjects (who had agreed to be filmed) walking normally just down the street publically, and showed this video to male test subjects. if im remembering the study correctly, which i may not be, the male subjects who scored higher on psychopathy indices were better able to indentify the women in the test footage who had been sexually assaulted at some point in their former lives.

something to think about is a lot of "attractive" qualities (including proccupation with physical appearance leading to altering that appearance to be more beautiful), especially in the manic pixie archetype, are very strongly represented in trauma victims, especially sexual assault survivors (as is the opposite, intentionally trying to be "unattractive" to avoid further victimization). this includes "seductiveness", one of the adjectives used to diagnose child sexual abuse victims before the verbiage in the literature got cleaned up. obviouly a child cant be "seductive" and thats pretty offensive and fucked up to say. what they meant is that the childs behavior has been altered by trauma to become sexualized to appease attackers. this is part of the "fawn" sector of emergency responses in humans (along with fight, flight, and freeze).

so when we talk so cavalierly of "beauty" and "attractive people" vs "unattractive people" we are simplifying an issue that is so complex it is difficult even to think about. this complexity makes me go "hmm" every time theres a study on it, much less a popular belief. a lot of it sort of doesnt square with easily-observable phenomena: if physical beauty is so correlated to success, why are the 1% of wealthy people, politicians, actual power-holders, hell even the CEOs of normal companies, very very rarely what you would consider physically beautiful, even when they havent aged out of what the culture thinks is the maximum span of time someone can be "hot"? some of this is just personal preference, and it's real hard to study any of this because of how complex that issue becomes. but where are all these hot successful people i keep hearing about? are they all trophy spouses and retired from the public eye? you can definitely cherrypick examples of "influencers" etc but thats an extremely narrow line of work, and not representative.

anyway! lot of the "do beautiful people get more stuff" research is from quite a while ago, wasnt designed well, and was based on a work and social culture that was quite a bit different than it is now. but even older studies document this effect. ive spent like many minutes typing about this stupid bullshit so im bored and annoyed now and i dont want to type about it anymore

1. Effects of Self-Esteem Threat on Physical Attractiveness Stereotypes

2. Does being attractive always help? positive and negative effects of attractiveness on social decision making (cant find the sci-hub version, alas, but documents a negative effect we're actually seeing an anecdotal example of in my inbox rn)

3. Is beauty a gift or a curse? The influence of an offender’s physical attractiveness on forgiveness

* often it wasnt even just a sex thing. it's very very often a romance/relationship that is desired by the perpetrator. it's a misapprehension of the public that sexual harassment/grooming is "just about sex" or even less accurately "just about power", it isnt

[heartwrench-cutie]

hi!! i'm sorry to bother and id would really like your advice!!!! (you don't have to answer if you are uncomfy) i really like this guy but i don't know how to tell him and we've never talked before i'm kind of stuck :<

okie dokie!! i'm not a dating expert but i'll give advice that helped me... so it's worth mentioning that my advice won't work for everyone! long post ahead so im adding a read more :)

STEP ONE: Getting over shyness

Really hard! But if you're interested in someone you've never talked to, you gotta get some confidence in yourself. Some things I say to myself before making big decisions (usually when manic) are along the lines of "YOLO" and "if i don't do it, someone else will" or "if i don't do it, i'll lose my chance". You're hot shit, you've got this! You can pull bitches! ... You kind of have to inflate your own ego, be your biggest fan! But if being shy or apprehensive isn't a problem, go ahead and skip this step!

STEP TWO: Getting to know them.. even if they don't know you

If it's online, this is really easy! You know his socials? Look at the people he follows, look at his likes, at his posts, see the things he mentions. Does he talk about things he likes? Personal issues? Does he talk about romance, about things he wants in a relationship? Things that would make him swoon? They're all worth knowing. If it's a physical crush, that's a little harder, but that's where confidence comes in. You could ask people around your vicinity about him (ex: you go to the same class at school) and what they know. You can frame it nonchalantly, being like "hey what's up with [guy]" or just straight up asking if they know much about him. Works for me, honestly! No one really questions it. This paragraph is really creepy, I realize this as I'm typing it. Sometimes a Casanova has to be a little bit of a stalker ok.

STEP THREE KINDA: ..Other stuff!

If you have personal info on him, and you're confident enough to talk to him, my best experience is online stuff, I'm not really good at physical relationships. If it's physical, you can still try to find his contact information or a social media you could DM him on. This is where you take the big jump! Talk to him! You could start out easy, like if he has a twitter, you can reply to his posts or regularly interact (but don't like EVERY post) so he knows you know him, and are interested in socializing. Try to remember the things he likes; maybe it's a video game or a sport or something, literally anything. You can bring that up as a first topic, get him to talk about himself.

PERSONAL STUFF

When I really want someone, either platonically or romantically, when we first start talking, I make everything about them. How was your day? Can I comfort you? Do you like this movie, think I should watch it? Etc etc, just show him that you know him (but not too well) and that you care about him.

Another thing I do is... make them a spotify playlist! It's really sweet... It's a romantic thing you can do without it coming across as romantic in the beginning. Find music important to you (& him maybe) and share it with him! Music is a great form of communication.

Once you get to know him more, or the both of you get to know each other, things get more complicated, because people want different things. I can't cover everything because of that! Generally just be kind and compassionate, offer him your time and patience, let him know someone is there for him. There's a lot of coldness, sometimes what people really want is someone to lean on.

If it's difficult for you to feel or express emotions, that's okay! If you have to fake your compassion, that's okay! For me, sometimes it's hard to care about someone even if i genuinely love them. It doesn't mean you're a bad person. It's just a mental struggle. And if it seems hard to express these things, don't worry, it takes time, and eventually you'll get used to it :)

But also remember yourself. Being in love with someone is a hard task, and if he doesn't care about you as much as you care about him (purely hypothetical), remember that the only person who will ever truly understand you.. is you. So take care of yourself. Take as much time as you need, there's no need to rush.

[cherrysha]

Trust

hey ya’ll! Ive decided to answer asks in a new post, instead of continuing off of the asks. this is mostly because i answered like two seperate Uvo asks in one go. ALSO wanted to mention that i refer to the reader as ‘small’ in this one, and i by no means am small myself, its just that Uvo is 8 feet tall. Everyone is small to him, and everyone is capable of being manhandled by him. (also im going to use this gif of Uvo until the day i die)

@nav-chamberlain asked:

when you’re ready girl feel free to reply but nsfw scenario with uvo that has a breeding kink. y/n working her everyday tiring job as a babysitter/daycare worker & uvo being the kind himbo he is offers her a night out at the bar with them ending up drunk. y/n expresses her interest in possibly wanting a kid & uvo doesnt seem to decline. periodt.

@sug4r-ru5h asked:

hii!! i just found ur account and i really like ur writing🥺🥺maybe we could get some Uvo with a really twitchy reader after getting absolutely pounded??? im unsure if you write aftercare but if you do that'd be litty titty B)

Word count: 1.9k

Warnings: Dubcon, drinking, breeding, overstimulation, a little blood, slight manipulation

“It’s not that I don’t want kids...I’m single, and younger.. ya know? I can’t think of trusting someone enough to have kids with them.” You pause, taking a sip of your drink before you whisper out a half hearted “if that makes sense.” Its not like you got to see your friend often, actually it was fairly uncommon to see him around. Whatever he did for a living, you still didn’t truly know, made him travel a lot. And you weren’t pressed on spending the majority of this evening debating about children. Uvo pushes the irritation simmering in his mind away. “You trust me, don’t you?” “That’s a dumb question Uvo” you finally peek up at his enormous figure, the scoff you had intended to let out, dying in your throat. Something Is brewing in his mind. He was never one to school his features, to hide the emotions he felt about truly anything. You're met with a glare, something akin to a smirk as well if it weren’t on Uvo’s menacing face. On him it looked more like a grimace “Then humor me.” His jaw is set tight as he lowers his head to speak directly into your ear “Do you trust me?” His lips brush against your neck, raising goosebumps in their wake and you can’t help the whimper that escapes you. This wasn't at all what you were expecting. You can’t help but to close your eyes and lean into his touch, and you can’t help but to acknowledge how warm his lips are when they finally press against your own. You know in part it’s the alcohol lowering your inhibitions and making you less inclined to think of the repercussions of kissing your long time friend. You know under normal circumstances you’d never be so brazen as to make out like a teenager in a packed bar full of scoundrels. But you know, without a shadow of a doubt, that you don’t care. You want this. His hands snake around your waist, a low chuckle rumbling his chest at the startled way you jump when he finally pulls you onto his lap. “You gunna answer me sweetheart?” Uvo whispers into your ear, sending a shiver down your spine and you instinctively try to wrap your arms up to loop around his neck, pouting when you realize he’s far too tall As if reading your mind, he pulls you up further along the expanse of his chest until your arms can finally settle around his neck, grinning at your content smile. “I do, Uvo, you know that.” There’s a pause, a beat in which he uses the silence in his favor to pull back and ask “Hm.. do I?” with a wry smirk on his face. Of course, You nod ‘yes’ and you're rewarded with his nose brushing against the hollow of your throat, taking a deep inhale there before asking “what do I know?” The edge of the bar is digging into your back as Uvo presses himself around you. The smell of pine and a hint of his sweat all-encompassing until it feels like you’re breathing him in. Breathily, you answer him “I trust you Uv-“ Before you can finish his mouth is on yours again, nudging against yours so excitedly that your head is forced backwards. ”Good girl” its grunted out in between kisses, and in no time his tongue is invading your mouth, clouding your senses in a way that could never compare to the alcohol in your veins. When you let out a whine at his praise, at his hands, his mouth, his scent surrounding you, the bartender finally decides he’s had enough “Hey! Hate to break it to you both, but people are paying for drinks not a show” Uvo only growls, eyes still closed he parts from you to growl out a “Fuck off” before moving to place open mouthed kisses along your jaw. “C-can we leave, Uvo? ” its whisper quiet, but he still understand the message loud and clear. “Sure, doll.” He smiles, easily lifting you up as he rises to leave.

--

How easily he could break you. Hurt you in ways that are unthinkable, but the concept of that alone shakes him to his very core. He’s wanted this for so long, has had to deal with a deep ache in his chest at even the mere thought of you being so far away from him when he’d gone on missions with the troupe. When he rips your bottoms off, all you manage to do is whine and shyly try to cover yourself underneath him. With a gruff “stop” he pushes your hands to the side to finally see what he’s wanted for so long. You beneath him, desperate for him and him alone. His smile is almost manic as his hands roam your body. Uvos never had to have patience, has always taken what he wanted regardless of anything else. But your lust filled gaze, your body so warm underneath his wide palms is enough proof that this was worth waiting for. And god, does he want to take his time with you. Wants to taste and savor every little moan you give to him, but he’s a man on a mission. So, he hopes that he’s worked you up enough at the bar and the way back to make this go smoothly. with little effort he flips you onto your stomach, grabbing harshly at your hips before lining himself up and slowly pushing in. Soft and tight, he fucks into you like it’s his duty. Hips coming to slam against your ass with so much vigor, if it weren’t for his hands gripping your soft flesh he would’ve pounded you into the mattress a long time ago.

He lets out a low growl as he pictures you swollen, your hands rubbing over your pregnant stomach, it isn’t a want at this point. It’s a desperate need that punches the air out of his lungs with every mental image. Uvo lets out a groan as he takes time to truly think about it, to savor the idea of claiming you, even if it isn’t something you truly wanted. Even if it was never your intention to be with him, this rough coupling only sourced from your lowered inhibitions due to the alcohol. He pictures you being filled by someone other than him. Someone claiming you for the rest of your life when it was obvious that you belonged to him. The thought alone so maddening that he almost doesn’t hear the high-pitched yip that you let out. His grip on you had become a little too strong, a little too painful. Cooing, Uvo wraps an arm around your middle, slowing his pace down a bit as his other hand comes to pull you to his chest by your throat. Your body knocks against him a little harder than he intended, but the mewl that you reward him with at the change in position is enough to clear his mind from any troubled thoughts. It’s delicious, the sweat that beads down the column of your throat, so enticing that Uvo has half a mind to bite down. His only distraction being the little soft sighs and whimpers and chants of his name falling from your lips as he rubs against that spot inside of you. Its unintentional, the onslaught of stimulation he so dutifully sends you with every sharp press of his body to yours. His cock so big that he has no choice but to rub against every part of you. To fill you so completely that you can only think of him. “You trust me?” he asks again, teeth nipping the soft skin of your neck. He was trying to hold back, truly he was, but the prospect of marking up what was rightfully his was becoming a little too enticing. You release a series of whines, too fucked out to even begin to form a proper sentence. Uvo laughs at that. Something carefree and gentle, unlike the way he’s still holding you to his chest by the tight grip on your throat. “C’mon little one,” he urges, free hand coming down to settle on your clit. “Tell me you trust me so I can give you what you want, hm?” And with the words numbly falling from your spit slick lips Uvo gives in to the urge to breed your sopping pussy completely. To fuck and fill and keep until the day he fucking dies. With a euphoric laugh his hips once again move against you, your cries falling on deaf ears at the brutal new pace he’s set for you. Its dizzying, maddening, so fucking disorienting you don’t comprehend the sound of your own voice as the orgasm that rips from your body catches in your throat. You thrash against his iron hold, eyes rolled into the back of your skull as Uvo’s pace doesn’t falter. “You cryin for me sweetheart?” he asks incredulously. Surely you couldn’t be overwhelmed after cumming just once, right? In all honesty, he doesn’t know, but he hushes you with a kiss to the forehead, grunting out an “It’s alright” before slowly maneuvering your body down to the bed again, strong hands ensnaring your waist and holding your pliant body against his hips. Too tired to even pretend to hold yourself up any longer, he takes joy in the knowledge that this fuck will be the one that binds you to him forever. It should be downright infuriating how quickly he cums just after you. His hips stutter of their own accord, hulking body dropping to cover yours completely, he finally gives in to the urge to sink his teeth down. Your body jolts, a cry falling from your lips as Uvo mars the flesh of your shoulder, drawing blood that mixes with his spit to form a pink hue that drips down onto the bedsheets. Its enough to make his entire body tense in pleasure, wave after wave of pure bliss rocking through him as he releases inside of you. If he wasn't so drunk off of the feeling, he’d probably chuckle at the way your little body squirms beneath him, as if trying to simultaneously get away from the feeling and scoot your weakened form closer. But he can't. all he can do is focus on not crushing you as he ever so gently rolls onto his side, making sure to keep himself pressed snugly inside of you. His hand idly travels down your side, lost in the feeling of your soft skin underneath his coarse palm. The contrast is enough to make you shiver, whining his name as he gently fondles the plump flesh of your ass. Its enough to remind you of his cock still buried deep within you, its girth the only thing holding back the fluids that surely aren’t supposed to be inside. You try to scoot away, a slurred “Gotta clean up” ungracefully leaving your mouth, but Uvo doesn’t allow it. His arm is still wrapped snugly around your middle, and there’s no give as you try to wriggle out of his hold. he offers no reasoning, just a gruff “lay back down.” And you do. You do because the heat of his body curled around you is too enticing. The feeling of his lips pressed softly against the top of your head, and the even breaths that escape his throat are, ultimately, too comforting to leave. With a sigh you listen, relaxing into Uvo’s warm chest even further.

[courtney-deserved-better]

whats ur writing schedule/process like! not in a “write faster” way, but i think once you mentioned writing in script form? and i like the way you wrote ur most recent fic! just curious bc ur works are just really good :)

this is a great question!!

if its not slippery slopes, ill usually get an idea for something and periodically jot down notes when they come to me until I feel like i have enough information to start writing (or if im just motivated), that's what i did for my horror challenge rewrite. and for stuff that's like... rewrites of an episode that aren't as character-focused as slippery slopes, i usually read the episode transcripts and try to replicate that total drama style with my own writing

for shorter oneshots, i usually just get a vague idea and run with it until i find a good ending spot, then i go back and clean it up a bit so the structure works

slippery slopes is an... interesting cycle. chapters are getting long enough that i cant just write them in one sitting any more (i think ch5 was the last chapter i did that for) and instead ill agonize over the beginning (always the hardest part to write for me) but once i get going with that i usually finish the chapter within a few days. then i reread the previous chapter to make sure it flows ok (and there aren't any contradictions) and then ill give myself a break where i dont do anything total drama related before coming back to edit and post. though before I do all that I type up notes and rough dialogue bits

and then once i post it it's like... a weight off my chest? like ive been purged or something?? idk its a weird sensation but im just like i Physically Cannot Write Anything For This Right Now and i don't start on the next chapter until that goes away. and then i either start the beginning and do nothing for a week before going back and finishing the chapter or i go into a manic state and write nonstop for a few days. right now i haven't reached a point where im ready to begin writing chapter 10 but i have a lot of notes for it.

(also as soon as i finish posting a chapter i try not to go on my laptop for like 12 hours so i don't obsessively refresh my email for comments. i love reading comments so much holy shit. please comment guys it makes fic authors feel so happy we will love you for it)

as for scripts: i am working on being a writer professionally, but specifically a playwright. writing in a script format comes more naturally to me than writing prose. funnily enough, i started posting fanfic just to practice my prose (and fix stuff in cobra kai that i didnt like) but things sort of... ended up here? idk man but im enjoying it.

right, so because writing in a script format is easier when im really struggling with a section in a fic ill usually scrap whatever i had and write it like a script, then translate that into prose. i was very excited to write the family videos for chapter 9 of slippery slopes, but i was Having Issues, so i redid it as a script and then rewrote that as prose. ill put the script version under the cut if you're interested in that.

but thank you so much for the question!! i do think my writing process is a bit unconventional but hey i think things are turning out well! if you have any more questions feel free to send them in!!

ok here is the last scene of ch 9 of slippery slopes in script format:

[SIERRA]

MOM: Hi honey! Omigosh this is so exciting! I bet you’re having such a great time! Especially since Chris is there! Is Chris watching this? Hi Chris! You know, I loooved you on that ice skating show. Your hair was fantastic! Well, it always is, haha. Do you really make your own hair gel? I’ve been trying to perfect the recipe but you’re just so hard to track down! Oh, you’re such a funny guy! I laughed sooo hard when you made all those jokes about marrying Chef.

Chef: hey!

Chris: ok just for the record, I wasn’t joking, we are married, Sierra tell your mom we’re married

Sierra: …can we just turn it off please

[COURTNEY]

DAD: Courtney, sayang, I know you’ve been going through a lot right now—

MOM: So you’d BETTER make it count. You’ve made it this far before, I want to see you getting all the way to the finale this time. And winning it. Enough moping about those hideous, good-for-nothing slackers! That’s what you get for hanging around freaks like them. You’re doing this for the million, now get the million. Is that clear?

ZARINA: And kick ass!

DAD: Zarina!

Video cuts out.

Alejandro: courtney you good?

Courtney: no, she’s right. Mama didn’t raise no quitter

Alejandro: [knows she’s still upset about duncan and gwen]

[ALEJANDRO]

MOM: Hola, Alejandro. We hope you are doing well, especially in such unsavory conditions. I’m glad to see you’ve made it to the final four— we expected nothing less, of course.

DAD: You have been utilizing your skills quite well. Though I wish you hadn’t been so… blatant about it. You’ll have to work twice as hard once this is over to convince people you’re trustworthy. But surely you were aware of that going into this… odd endeavor. That’s just politics. Reputation is everything.

JOSE: [snorts] Oh, and what a reputation you have, Al. I could easily compile hours of footage of your failures, but I, unlike you, do not waste my time on the frivolities of reality television. Though you always have been lacking in taste. Especially with that bratty girlfriend of yours— oh, my mistake, aren’t you dating the whiny weakling? It’s so hard to keep track! [laughs]

Alejandro: callate!

MOM: I’m sure Alejandro is just working an angle on them.

DAD: Whatever the case is, do not disappoint us.

[NOAH]

MOM: Hi Noah, I’m sorry, I don’t have time to record a full video, but I’m proud of you! Here are your sisters!

ISWARI: A million dollars? A million [bleep] dollars? Win it, Noah! Win it!

RUTH: Dude!! This is crazy! I know you can do this— good luck! Ark misses you! [holds up Ark who barks]

MARA: Are you insane? Why aren’t you dating Alejandro already?

Noah: shut up, mara, just because you can’t keep a boyfriend—

ANYA: Don’t let ‘em trick you! No mercy! Crush their skulls if you have to— no, wait, you’re not strong enough for that. We’ll get there!

LIYA: I say this as your sister, someone who loves you but is constantly annoyed by you— for someone who is quite literally a genius, you sure can be an idiot sometimes.

BALLARI: Okay, I literally have no idea how you’ve made it this far without an athletic bone in your body— are we sure you aren’t adopted? I’m kidding

ABS: You’re stubborn as hell when it comes to me, so you better be stubborn as hell when it comes to winning! And when you do win, get me a frozen yogurt machine, will you? I promise I won’t make you rock climb again!

JAEL: If you lose this, I’ll kill you with this racket. And then use your guts to make myself a new racket. So don’t fuck it up. Again.

Noah: [frozen, ashamed]

Sierra: well that was a mess

Courtney: ok show of hands, who felt better after hearing that? [no one raises hands]

Chris: yeah I was expecting this to be a lot more heartwarming…

Chef: chris just look at them. If they had stable home lives they wouldn’t be doing reality tv

Alejandro: can we please stop talking about this. Also aren’t you supposed to be flying the plane

Chef: oh fuck

Chris: yeah sure. I think im gonna call my mom

Everyone: …

Noah: ok so that was really shitty. Why dont we all go to first class and try and ignore our problems

Everyone: yeah ok sounds good

***

Courtney: so that sucked

Alejandro: at least your dad seems ok

Courtney: true. What are your guys dads like

Noah and Sierra: bold of you to assume I know my dad. Jinx

***

Alejandro: that last girl… you mentioned a sister who does tennis and hates you

Noah: yep

Alejandro: why?

Noah: none of your business. but… it is pretty justified

[anxiousgaypanicking]

okay so i recently watched the metal family (the english dub) on youtube and i sent my friend a ton of information on it - my thoughts, my theories, etc, and then i thought of a sanders sides related universe for it 

technically some things differ, as in the part i wrote glam and chive (who ive assigned to logan and remus) eventually end up together, but whatever 

and, because im a whore for attention im going to post here exactly what i rambled about because i was spilling out thoughts that just made my heart beat faster. so basically, the metal family: sanders sides edition 

spoilers for the metal family. 

basically i was thinking of logan and remus basically as these two characters, with logan as glam/sebastian and remus as chive, and logans parents putting a lot of pressure on him as their only child, and his dad is suffering abuse to so he cant even stick up for logan, and when he does bad he has to put out his arm and roll his sleeve up and his moms hits it repeatedly, and in the show glam doesnt react until he showers bc thats when it stings (until a certain scene where glams dad slaps it so hard he fucking bleeds a lot and starts sobbing and its like part of when he snapped) but thats probably what he does, and obviously the butler also gets mad and snaps on him a lot too, but when he goes to that music exam and gets second place to remus (who he met briefly on the way to the music exam - youll understand this more if you end up watching the series), hes shocked, and as remus walks him home he explains what he did on the guitar, and gives him the bach vinyl and logan squints but takes it anyway, and when he announces he got second he gets scolded, they mock him for who he lost too, and the back vinyl is taken by his mother, hes scolded for thinking he could ever be on par (logan plays the violen btw - he entered the music exam with a violen and its what his mouther abuses him for when he plays wrong or doesnt answer right/right away to note related questions) with bach, and then hes hit with the ruler and sent back to his room, where he plays the bach vinyl thinking it will be bach but then its metal and it sort of awakens something in logan and he sort of snaps

when he runs into remus again remus offers to teach him, steals an amp and guitar from the observatory, and then when he goes home then this is where hes hit until his forearm is literally dripping with blood and hes sobbing, but sort of that unhinged sort of sobbing where hes like :) while sobbing and bleeding, and his mom is saying hes no longer allowed to take walks because he was late, went through the park, ran in a suit, etc, and how logan will be studying with her daily from now on, and through gritted teeth, a sob, and a smile, as he clutches his bloody wrist hes like "yes mother, ill study under you every day. every day. every day." and he and remus had luckily agreed already to meet by the dumpster at midnight, and thats what they start doing

remus teaches him how to play, and logan literally gets no fucking sleep and becomes more and more sleep deprived as hes taught more and more and it makes him more and more manic and unhinged, and he has periods where he fucking snaps and can play the bass super well because hes fueling his anger and his trauma into how aggressively he plays and is actually super good, and eventually he and remus get a gig with these two other bandmates 

and that happens to be the day that the way he hides his diary (where he gets out his murderous thoughts over his father, writes about lying to him, and writes down notes for music he wants to make) and his model of the city (which hed spent a lot of time on and cared about a lot and made out of every day things like lightbulbs and pencil shavers and had to keep hidden) were revealed and his mother found them, and she threw it into the trash where logan saw it crumbled as he walked home in the rain, and while his mother is aggressively shouting at him she says something along the lines of "who are you going to choose. your family, or some vagrants!?" and logan sort of snaps, goes wide eyed, and walks the other way, despite the fact its rianing and his mother demands him to come back, and then starst screaming about how if he ever comes back to the door hell never be allowed back inside, and thats where that episode ends

and basically i was thinking that logan leaves, and sort of walks around in his suit with his violen for a while, before he goes back to the alley where he hides his guitar that remus stole for him and his punk clothes, and he grabs them both and sort of mindlessly wanders until he ends up back in front of remuss trailer

when logan shows up remus doesnt realize until he opens the door of his trailer and prepares to leave and logans just standing there staring, utterly soaked, and he craves his neck up when remus walks out and remus is like "holy shit dude, you scared me. its not even midnight here. how long have you been here?" and logan doesnt answer, and hess not used to tocuhing people or being touched gently, but he sort of falls into remus, and collapses against him, and he starts sobbing because he just lost his family, and he left his dad all alone, but ehs finally free from the abuse, and hes so tired and so confused and hes never felt so unsure of his next move but remus just pulls him inside, brings his stuff inside, they step over his sleeping and drunk parent, and remus takes logan to his room (possibly the one he shares with roman ?) and basically just hugs logan as he sobs and cries and eventually passes out against him because hes literally so fucking sleep deprived, and remus takes liberty to change logan out of his sopping wet clothes, but then both of logans arms are covered in scars, some of them still scabbed, and remus is immediately concerned but he decides hell ask about it when logan wakes up, and basically ust goes out and shoplifts some food or steals from his parent to buy shit, and when logan wakes up hes given low quality food that he accepts gratefully, apologizes for showing up unceremoniously and being so informal, but remus just hesitantly wraps an arm around him, and logan accepts it, and remus says its fine while cuddling with him and then again hesitantly asks what happened

and logan sort of goes silent and doesnt talk about it, but clears his throat and asks if its okay he stays here, and theres already three people living in this trailer so he feels bad for asking, but remus just pulls him closer and is like "yeah man! of course you can stay!" because obviously hes not going to tell logan no after what he just pulled, so he lets logan stay, and remus and roman bicker for it a bit when logan uses their small ass bathroom to shower, and by the end remus has basically bribed roman into going along with it

and logan has to adjust to not being a wealthy - althought not spoiled - person anymore, and sometimes he reacts to things on instinct. he breaks something and remus comes up behind him and asks what happened and logan just sort of stares straight ahead, rolls up his sleeve, and sticks out his arm, and remus is like  logan?? and it takes logan a few seconds to snap out of it and he sort of gazes at remus, goes wide eyed, and then apologizes as he brings his arm back in and rolls down his sleeve, and he seems really awkward but also quite relieved, and remus has never hurt him before, but it was just sort of that reactive thing, and that happens to be the day where remus decides to ask what those scars are, and asks to finally treat them properly because he hears logans whimpers and hisses in the shower

he and roman have their fair share of scars from their own shitty drunk parent, so they know pretty damn well how to take care of them, and how to steal bandages and shit, so remus helps clean them out and up while logan sort of quietly tells remus all about his life, why the music exam was such a big deal, and how remus basically changed his life, and how hes still confused and doesnt know if he made the right decision, and remus doesnt respond until the end where he bandages up logans arms and then gently grabs his hand and tells logan that hes safe now, and that being surronded by people who only put you down and more so hurt you isnt good, and that he believes logan made the right decision because hes safe here with them (the twins make sure to keep him guarded from the drunk parent) and roman seconds that from his spot on the bed, and so logan tries to put his past behind him and instead focus on playing music with remus, and playing shows at bars and stuff where they slowly gain a larger and larger fan base, and they make more and more money from the awesome music they play, and eventually use that money to buy their own house

i know its a lot, but just imagine. imagine