#you can tell I love kevin because I want to torture him and make his life worse

[quietwingsinthesky]

Also 👀👀👀 I'm totally picking up what you're putting down about crowley & kevin 👀👀👀

Luring people into my new rarepair heheheh. (I actually checked ao3 for this. None of the fics there really hit the spot I wanted. Guess I’ll have to fix that myself at some point lol.)

crowley & kevin is just! there’s so much potential there and all of it is fucked up. Like for one, I think crowley has shown us consistently through the show that, if nothing else, you can rely on him to keep his deals and value his assets. he does not go squandering things that can give him an advantage. and! canon evidence that crowley’s idea of getting kevin to work faster is by plying him with good food and praise (via fake!sam & dean in the illusion boat, which, sure, you could say that’s part of the illusion, but given how crowley was emphasizing how good of a director he was being. well. seems to me like this is just how he works.)

So what I’m saying is: s8 kevin/crowley is a sugar baby au. s9 kevin/crowley is a sugar baby au except even more fucked up <3

(god there is something sooo!! About Crowley giving kevin pointers on how to torture effectively. About kevin being the one able to inflict pain on him but Crowley still getting the upper hand because it’s what he wants. A distraction. And then all through s9 we just know that they have to spend all their time in the same bunker together and… I just think maybe Kevin took more trips down there that we didn’t see. Stress relief in the dungeon by bashing Crowley with a hammer, while crowley’s critiquing his swing, praising his ferocity.)

(And i just. You see. How that. Could very easily turn into. A different kind. Of stress relief. Yes? They should fuck bloody.)

[scoobydoodean]

ok so I deeply love and respect your thoughts on supernatural because the majority of them line up with what I've been thinking for years but you said something the other day that I keep turning over in my brain and it was something along the lines of carver liking dean more than sam - I know you're in the middle of rewatching s4 but I would love to hear you expound on that (if you have time) because I remember being in the fandom while carvernatural was airing and it was pretty much when the deangirl exodus started. in fact I think people tore into him worse than dabb even 😭

feel free to hold onto this until later when you start the carver seasons if you wish :)

<3 I'll go ahead and answer this one, because it's more of a "broad strokes" thing for me, and I've been rewatching very slowly (on purpose) so that could be a very long wait.

This is so funny because I can just picture Sam fans reading it and turning red and their blood boiling with the fire of a thousand suns but the TL;DR is that season 8-11 (Carver era) broad strokes to me are:

Sam sucks and is a worse brother and person than Dean.

Sam spends the first two seasons of Carver's run thinking he's a better person than Dean anyway and then the second two knowing he sucks, deciding to embrace his moral flexibility to keep Dean alive no matter the cost, and trying to mend things.

Dean is circled by many potential suitors who also in a sense represent Sam replacements because Sam sucks: Benny, Cas, Crowley, and Amara.

Dean knows that Sam sucks and part of him wants to get tf away from him very badly but another part of him feels guilty for wanting that. Family is suffering. Family is a chain around your neck keeping you tied to them via guilt. (Demon Dean represents the desire for escape, as does Amara).

Everybody wants to be with Dean, be Dean, and/or be loved by Dean. Dean is love. Dean is the world. Dean is the reason for existing. Everybody is lovesick about him. Sam is just there.

Sam needs to stop blaming Dean for so many things and learn to own his own choices.

That was fun to write down.

Longer commentary/explanation below the cut.

Season 8 (Carver's first season) literally begins with a Sam character assassination. It begins with us learning that Sam knowingly left Kevin to spend the rest of his life kidnapped and tortured without even telling a soul what happened to him. Not only did he abandon Dean and Cas as well but he didn't even look for them, and refuses to give a satisfying answer as to why.

Season 8 Sam's abandonment as distinct from previous behavior

I have had people this year who I love and respect tell me they don't view this as a character assassination and say they believe this is in character for Sam. I simply do not agree with that. I talk about this as it relates to Kevin here.

Sam has displayed selfishness and a big ego at many points in the series up to season 8. He's told a lot of lies (sometimes to the point of gaslighting), he's gone behind Dean's back to do things that affect Dean's life, he's taken traumatic experiences Dean opened up to him about and ultimately harmed Dean with them, he's shown resentments and anger, he's displayed jealousy, he's displayed a sense of superiority. He has never abandoned his brother to die without even trying. The Sam of season 3 would eviscerate season 8 Sam for this.

Sometimes Sam says and does things he shouldn't, but his crimes do not include "abandoning Dean to die without even looking for him" up to season 8. Many of his crimes happen at least partly because he really really doesn't want Dean to die or is desperate to save his life. He lets go of his anger at John and returns to make sure Dean is safe in 1.11. He refuses to give up and finds a way to save Dean in 1.12. In 1.22, he's willing to put John's life at risk for revenge, but in 2.01 he gets into an outright screaming match with John in the hospital under the belief that John's prioritizing the demon over Dean. Sam spends all of season 3 raging and angst-ing about not being able to save Dean to the point of considering and doing some shady as hell things/abandoning some of his more stalwart moral stances (3.05, 3.11, 3.15, 3.16). Dean's death and later, the desire to secure his safety/future, is one of the catalysts for Sam's descent into drinking demon blood (3.09, 3.16, 4.04, 4.09, 4.12). When he dies in "Swan Song", he urges Dean to pursue a normal, safe, life because he knows that at that point in time, Dean wants to get out but has always felt trapped (2.09, 2.10, 2.20, 3.01, 4.12, 4.16). Even Soulless Sam (who isn't the same as regular Sam) tried to look for Dean in 6.09 "Clap Your Hands If You Believe"—it was simply that when leads for the night dried up, he hooked up with someone because he had nothing more to go on and in soulless Sam's head that was the reasonable thing to do. But soulless Sam also certainly isn't representative of the real Sam—the fact that he doesn't care as much is supposed to point us to differences between him and regular Sam. Season 8 opens with Sam abandoning Dean in a context that makes him arguably worse than his soulless self.

(I talk about why Sam actually abandons everyone in season 8 in a very long post here).

Season 8 and 9 more broadly

So Carver has Sam abandon Dean to die without even trying. Then he has Sam refuse to give any kind of actually reasonable explanation that makes sense to anyone who was paying attention. Then he has Sam say that he's going to leave the life and Dean needs to get over it and accept that Sam's new life will not include contact with Dean (just like his life at Stanford didn't). While saying he's going to leave, he still wants to exert control over Dean's relationships and leverages the threat of leaving (as if he were going to stay) to get Dean to shut up about Sam abandoning him and then again to try and get Dean to cut ties with Benny. He wants to kill Benny before knowing a single thing about him. He assigns someone (Martin) who he knows is mentally unstable and has a more black and white perception of monsters to track Benny and gets Martin killed. He watches Martin knock Dean unconscious and chain him up in a room and doesn't stop it because he wants Benny dead that bad, but then has the audacity to act as if Dean sending him a fake text is worse than Sam literally chaining him up in a room to prevent Sam from killing an innocent person (someone Sam would normally—btw—defend based on episodes like 2.03 and 4.04 or even a few episodes ago with Kate in "Bitten"). He tells Amelia he wants to fight for their relationship then the moment Dan says they should leave the choice to Amelia, he leaves so that it becomes his choice, and then he returns for one episode just to be a homewrecker. He insists on doing The Trials while promising to survive them and giving a big speech about how he's going to save Dean from his own suicidal ideation and then drops the promise as if it never existed two episodes later. Sam loses confidence in himself to complete The Trials and then acts like Dean is the one who doesn't believe in him because Dean is caring for him and insisting he rest and this is an unforgivable offense. At the end of the season, he basically says he's going to commit suicide because Dean has friends besides him. He acts as if he deserves to be Dean's most trusted confidant after an entire season of him being an absolutely fucking terrible brother and acts like Dean is just a big meanie whose feelings are irrational.

After all of this, he has the audacity, in season 9, to suggest that Dean is a bad person who can't stand the thought of being alone. He tells Dean he's the worst person ever and they can only be work partners from now on because Dean is so so bad and evil for stopping him from committing suicide and then not telling him about Gadreel. At the end of the season he admits this was a lie. He just wanted to punish Dean (9.23).

I can see how—if you were watching live at the time (I started watching when season 11 was airing) you'd lose hope. You'd quit the show over all of this, because it seems to go on forever. It's like torture. I would drop kick season 8 Sam into a pit full of lava without hesitation so I get it. If I believed that Carver was actually saying "Yes so true Dean is The Worst™️ and Sam is morally superior <3" for two seasons straight I'd quit the show too. But that isn't what he's saying. We're supposed to read between the lines and realize how unbelievably full of shit Sam is—how deeply selfish and hypocritical he's being. How yes—Dean has made mistakes—but Sam is NOT a better person than him and has gotten away with some absolutely rancid garbage. And season 10 and 11 go on to beat you over the head with it if you didn't get it the first time.

Season 10 and 11

Season 10 opens with this dialogue from a demon:

I heard the rumors. I said "no, that can't be." A Winchester, one of us? But it's true, isn't it? Whatever soul you had; whatever boy scout code you cuddled up to at night; it's all gone. Leaving what? Look at you!

We're meant to think she's talking about Dean who just woke up with black eyes, but then the camera cuts to Sam torturing her, demanding to know where Dean is.

In 10.03, we learn that Sam talked a man (Lester) into selling his soul so he could use him as bait. Demon Dean ends up being assigned to fulfill Lester's deal (to kill his wife for cheating on him). Dean immediately clocks Lester as having cheated on her first and kills Lester for being an insufferable hypocrite... and while he's doing it, I'm pretty sure he's also thinking of Sam's flaming hypocrisy.

SAM: I never meant— DEMON DEAN: Who cares what you meant?! That line that we thought was so clear between us and the things that we hunted, ain’t so clear is it? Wow. You might actually be worse than me! I mean, you took a guy at his lowest, used him, and it cost him his life and his soul. Nice work.

NOTE: 10.03 also recalls 4.21—an episode Sam fans have always tended to emphasize as a "Dean crime" episode where Dean risks Sam's death to force a detox. Sam does the reverse—pumping Dean full of human blood here in 10.03 and explicitly risking his death.

Sam gets Suzie killed in "The Werther Project" while searching for The Book of the Damned.

SAM I’m sorry, okay? I’m so sorry. SUZIE Lot of good “sorry” does me. Look at me. Look….at….me. [She points to her corpse.] There she is. The first casualty of your misguided mission. But what’s another human life to you? Anything’s worth it, as long as you two make it out alive. And how’s that search going? Any closer to a cure? SAM This isn’t real. You’re not real. SUZIE You think Dean’s the wild card, the loose cannon. But don’t you see? Making deals with witches, opening Pandora’s box down there? You’re the reckless one. You’ll do anything to keep clinging to that doomed brother of yours. How many more will die, Sammy? You know it. You have to be stopped. And the only one who can stop you is you!

A few episodes later, Sam orders Oskar's death for a spell to remove the Mark of Cain. I've seen hilarious posts before about how he had no choice but to do this because MoC Dean is so scawy and bad but that quite explicitly is not his motivation. They could have done so many other things. Throw him into space. Bury him in a really deep hole. Put him in something like The Cage. But Sam didn't like any of those options, because all of them meant being without his brother, and he's realized he doesn't want to be without him no matter the cost (10.18).

SAM So, awhile back, we had a chance to, um…close the gates of Hell. And in order to do that, I would’ve had to die. And, I was okay with that, and I am okay with that, but Dean was not. And so, he uh… CHARLIE He saved you. SAM Yeah, he saved me. CHARLIE And let me guess, in doing so, he did something you didn’t want, and that pissed you off. And you said something that hurt him? SAM Yeah, that sounds about right. [...] SAM You know, when Dean came to get me at school, I-I told myself… one last job, you know? One more job. And then when – when I, um…. When I lost Jess, I, again, told myself one more job. There’s always one more job, you know? And one more job, and one more job, and then I was gonna go back to law and – and to my life. CHARLIE You were the Dread Pirate Roberts of hunting. SAM Yeah. I guess I really understand now that….this is my life. I love it. But I can’t do it without my brother. I don’t want to do it without my brother. And if he’s gone, then I don’t…. CHARLIE I got it. I-I do.

This all culminates in 10.23, where a very mentally unstable MoC Dean attempts to reason with Sam about them both being evil and needing to take themselves out:

DEAN: Remember when we were in that church, making Crowley human, about to close the Gates of Hell? Well, you sure as hell were ready to die for the greater good then. SAM: Yeah, and, Dean, you pulled me back. DEAN: And I was wrong. You were right, Sam. You knew that this world would be better without us in it. SAM: No, no, no, wait a second. You're twisting my words here, Dean. DEAN: Why? Because we -- we track evil and kill it? The family business? Is that it? Look at the tape, Sam. Evil tracks us. And it nukes everything in our vicinity -- our family, our friends. It's time we put a proper name to what we really are and we deal with it. SAM: Wait a second. We are not evil. Listen... We're far from perfect, but we are good. That thing on your arm is evil, but not you, not me. DEAN: I let Rudy die. How was that not evil? I know what I am, Sam. But who were you when you --when you drove that man to sell his soul... Or when you bullied Charlie into getting herself killed? And to what end? A-a good end? A just end? To remove the Mark no matter what the consequences? Sam, how is that not evil? I have this thing on my arm, and you're willing to let the Darkness into the world. SAM: You were also willing to summon death to make sure you could never do any more harm. You summoned me because you knew I would do anything to protect you. That's not evil, Dean. That's not an evil man. That is a good man crying to be heard, searching for... some other way.

Dean is saying a lot of shady shit here, but some of what he's saying... isn't wrong?

Sam is willing to let The Darkness destroy the world, and he does, and then standing in the aftermath of a town being destroyed by the force he unleashed, Sam says:

SAM: I unleashed a force on this world that could destroy it . . . to save you. DEAN: And I told you not to. SAM: And I'd do it again. In a second, I would do it again.

Thousands of people are dying and Sam says he would do it again. This post about Sam's actions versus Dean stopping Sam from closing the gates of hell is highly relevant.

Season 11 continues with Sam taking a little more responsibility for his own decisions, while praying for Dean to live (11.02):

SAM: So . . . I know it's been a long time, but . . . Dean and I, we've -- we've been through a lot of bad. But this is different. This is my fault, and I don't know how to fix it. And if I have to die, I've made my peace with that, but . . . Please. Dean deserves better. Dean deserves a life. There are people out there, good people, who are going to suffer because of me, and I am not asking you to clean up my mess. Hell, I don't even know if you're out there, but . . . If you are . . . And if you can hear me, I, um . . . We need your help, God. We need to know there's hope. We need a sign.

And then there's the VERY long-awaited apology:

SAM When I was with Lucifer, he, um... He showed me things. It was like a highlight reel of my biggest failures. DEAN Yeah, he was messing with you. That's what he does. SAM Give me a sec. I should've looked for you. When you were in Purgatory, I... I should've turned over every stone.

Family (Sam) as chains

While all of this is happening, we also have Benny and Cas and Crowley and Amara.

Benny is contrast—someone whose goodness and selfless loyalty only makes Sam's horrible flaws stand out more sharply in season 8. Under the influence of the specter, Dean says, "Benny has been more of a brother to me this past year than you have ever been" and Sam can't stand it. It haunts him so bad he tries to kill Benny, and can't get over it even after the end of the season when Benny is fucking dead. He is unable to accept that the contrast between himself and Benny is his own fault.

Crowley and Dean's flirtations begin in season 9, as Sam suffocates Dean, and at the end of the season, Crowley has literally convinced Dean to run away with him. In 10.01, there is a delightful phone call where Crowley rubs it in Sam's face that Dean is with HIM:

SAM I don't know how you did this, what kind of... Black-magic stunt you pulled, but hear me --I will save my brother or die trying. CROWLEY You know what tickles me about all this? It's what's really eating you up. You don't care that he's a demon. Heck, you've been a demon. We've all been demons. No, it's that he's with me and he's having the time of his life. You can't stand the fact that he's mine. SAM He's not your pet. CROWLEY My pet? He's my best friend, my partner in crime. They'll write songs about us, graphic novels. ���The Misadventures of Growley and Squirrel." Dean Winchester completes me, and that's what makes you lose your chickens.

It's this cruel callback to Sam's jealousy of Benny and Cas in season 8—how Crowley convinced Dean to finally ditch his smothering, controlling brat of little brother who can't stand him having friends, and now Dean is having the time of his life howling at the moon. The problem is, Dean also feels a little bit like maybe Crowley wants to control him too, and that isn't working for him.

Amara in season 11 goes on to further speak on terrible brothers who think they're better than you, who leave you betrayed and diminished, who abandon you. She's raging against the concept of family as chains—she wants revenge... but all the while she's in pain because she still loves her brother. Amara's attraction to Dean is based on that commonality—what she feels is a shared experience and how she wants to cut the last remaining pieces of love she feels for her brother away so she can finally be free of the pain of him—and she doesn't care if she destroys everything—including herself—in the process. (See: Dean slowly losing his identity through the MoC arc). Sam and Dean's relationship is in rehab over this whole season though, and so Dean's role ends up being to convince Amara not to destroy herself—to instead do what Sam and Dean have done and make up and work on improving their relationship.

[saturnneedsspace]

My whole world was flipped upside down the other day when I found out there was a lot of Sam haters in the spn fandom. I simply do not understand.

Yeah, sure, Sam did some messed up things. But so did every other character in the show.

He got addicted to demon blood because of Ruby and this alien feeling that was cast upon him because of John. His own father thought he was a monster, so you gotta know that's gonna do something to your self esteem and cause you to go out of your way to be accepted.

He traps himself in Hell with Lucifer to save his brother and the rest of the world, knowing how much trauma that will cause him. And when he got out, he didn't have a soul, which all the fault lies with Cas on that one. And when he got his soul back, he wasn't the same. The sheer trauma he had from being roomies with Lucifer was more than enough to drive any normal person insane, and he still endured silently for a long time, before he went so crazy he was forced to be put in a mental hospital. He physically could not sleep because Lucifer was taunting him so much. And the only way he ever got better was because Cas took all that trauma into himself.

Yeah, maybe Sam didn't look for Dean when he was in Purgatory, and instead spent his time with a woman instead, but he had no clue where Dean was. The last time he saw his brother, he stabbed Dick, and then him and Cas disappeared into thin air. There was no clues whatsoever to where he was. And all Dean ever wanted was for Sam to have a normal life, so after he presumes Dean dead, he does what he thinks his brother would have wanted for him.

He's angry at Dean for Gadreel, and rightfully so. His brother took away his choice in the matter by tricking him into saying yes. He was ready to die. He told Death to make sure he can't be resurrected. He wanted to die. And yes, obviously as a brother, you don't want your younger siblings to die. That's a given. But he took away Sam's choice in that and forced him to be possessed, which is where most of his trauma comes from. He was possessed by several, terrible people at one point, and it was literal torture for him. He watched helplessly as his own hands murdered and hurt many people, some of them being his own friends and family. And then it just gets worse when Gadreel forces him to kill Kevin later on.

Sam searches the ends of the Earth for Demon!Dean and even when he's told several times to stop going after him, he doesn't listen. He knows he was mistaken when he didn't look for Dean in Purgatory, so he fights to make up for it by searching for him now. Dean tries to kill him, tells him to go away, leave him be, and Sam doesn't. He does everything he can to cure him. And he does with the help of Cas. He never gave up, even long after Dean already did.

And Sam releasing Amara wasn't all his fault. Charlie, Cas, and (reluctanlty) Rowena agreed to help, too. They're all just as guilty as him. And as much as I hate saying that about Charlie, considering it got her killed, it's true. They all helped remove the mark. They all released Amara. It wasn't their intention, but they all wanted to save Dean from himself and from hurting others. They all knew how much it hurt him to not have control over his anger. They were all just trying to help and were prepared to face the consequences of that, no matter what they were, because it was for Dean and they all loved him. (This is excluding Rowena at this point obvi)

Sam is the only one who cares for Jack after he's born. Yes, Cas would've defended that kid with his life if he were still alive, but he wasn't. Only Sam and Dean were. And the first thing Dean does when he sees Jack is shoots him. Sam talks to him. Sam understands him. Sam was him. He relates to the kid in a way no one else probably could, and so he fights his brother about it. He fights to protect the misunderstood kid who's defined by the blood that runs through his veins, though he desperately tries to prove it's not who he is. People only say Dean and Cas were Jack's fathers. But Sam was Jack's first father, the first person to see him for who he truly was.

And then he shot God, getting himself injured in the process and ultimately helping them take Him down. He was a vital character through the series and sacrificed so much. He didn't deserve all that happened to him, and frankly, it makes me mad when people hate on him.

[ultimate-marysue]

I want to ask people to please please accept nuanced characters and not be a bitch about it. I've already seen so many crazy takes and I don't know if I can handle the death of media literacy right now. We've been through this in AFTG, let's not bring that energy to TSC.

For those who have read the book, examples under the cut.

Let's start with the fandom's favorite scapegoat: Thea Muldani. "She thought Jean was a whore sleeping with the defense line". That's what she was told and what Kevin and Jean allowed her to believe. Context is important: Thea was there because she just found out her team (and she wasn't involved at all with the mafia part or Riko's torture) had lied to her about her boyfriend's injuries. She obviously couldn't believe it because, would you!?? And when she sees Jean she's instantly on his side asking what happened to him. She's heartbroken when he doesn't answer and tells her to just believe what Kevin tells her. You can tell she cared about her little duckling and was horrified with what happened under her nose.

Then Kevin. Kevin is the recipient of Jean's unrequited love and that's not his fault. Hell, there's a lot of chances he didn't even know about it, Jean was the closest thing he had to a friend. He didn't seduce and trick Jean for his own benefit, he tricked his friend to survive and regretted ever since. He knew Jean wouldn't run, he knew Jean would have tried to stop him if he told him. It wasn't fair for Jean, but it was Kevin's only chance. I thought this was obvious. Jean is entitled to hate him, but the audience should know better than mischaracterize him like that.

Jeremy and the Trojans are the closest we have to a normal pov. Their way of handling Jean's trauma is not going to be like the Foxes'. They try not to pry too much, to offer him distractions and accommodations. They honestly do as well as they can. The people saying they're so pushy and annoying???? My bestie in Christ you'd probably handle it way worse.

I just think that we as a fandom should appreciate how good Nora's character writing is. Most characters are not fully evil (and those who are you can understand how they turned into monsters most of the time), but they fuck up. Sometimes they fuck up unknowingly, sometimes they fuck up because they don't know better, sometimes they fuck someone over because it's their only way out, sometimes the circumstances get in the way.

That doesn't make things better for the characters that get screwed over. Jean is entitled to his complicated feelings over Kevin. Aaron is allowed to not understand why his brother killed his mother. Just because the current narrator's pov makes it obvious for the audience doesn't mean the characters inside the book have the info and knowhow to do better.

TSC made me love Kevin even more because I'm a sucker for for imperfect victims. I hate the IRL narrative that in order to deserve sympathy you have to be purely the most victimized victim of them all. Kevin had to step over Jean to get out of his situation. Kevin had to witness the abuse, unable to do anything about it. Kevin is a bitch to his teammates and endangers them just by being in their team. He also loves them fiercely and forces them to keep on living.

It's complicated. And if you can't handle nuanced and complex characters please just keep your incorrect opinions to yourself??? Like why is everyone so comfortable admitting publicly they don't understand how to analyze realistic traumatized characters??? Why would you admit you can only see in black and white?? "Well if you're a victim and a good guy then you would never ever do something not nice. Gotcha!" That's how you sound.

[according2thelore]

AHHH THAT WAS SO GOOD!!!! I love LS Dean just silently leaving. He should fuck ES sam to get back at them haha. And LS sam is kind of cold blooded for taking that first kiss from ES sam, lol. And to not tell LS Dean is also insane. Sam is insane!!! and we love him for it. crazy crazy boy.

It reminds me of that scene where Sam is hallucinating his younger kid self, and the kid is like “I didn’t want this life,” and Sam is just like tough shit, kid, life ain’t fair, get over it. I do think Sam has that ability to be… a little mean to his younger self. In a way that’s obviously just self esteem problems but I think would maybe make the Deans mad.

haha, thank you! <3

ES!Sam would absolutely bring up the idea of revenge sex, lmao! rash lil monster <3 in LS!Sam's defense, if i had an ES!Dean in my lap wriggling and begging to be loved, i fear i too would do something drastic. but yes!! it is messy and cruel and cold-blooded, which is why i don't think it would actually play out like that but oh boy it's fun to think about.

you're so right--sam is very unsympathetic? for lack of a better word? to his past selves. even people he perceives to be similar to his past selves.

with adam, he tries to shatter the dream of attending school and living a normal life with big dreams. and only dean recognizes the parallels there, and sam immediately dismisses adam's dreams as childish.

with kevin--someone young and scared who has powers he can't understand--he's at best distant at worst reckless and cruel (not picking up his phone when kevin (a junior in high school) escapes torture from a king of hell, WHICH IS SOMETHING SAM CAN RELATE TO? HELLO??).

so i can only imagine how much this is exacerbated by actually having a younger version of himself. it makes sam's issues with self esteem that much more explicit and pointed. while i think LS!Sam (meaning bunker sam) tends to be more sympathetic, i think there's definitely room to explore how ES!Sam's anger and fire makes LS!Sam chafe.

he doesn't coddle him, and gets annoyed with him more easily than the Deans do, which i agree--would make them so mad. because it's hard to look at ES!Sam's-kicked-puppy-pouting and not kill the thing that made him look like that.

thank you for this ask anon! mwah!

-lizzy

(this was in reference to this ES/LS verse post here!)

[kevinsdsy]

my bad in advance for the long inbox, feel free to ignore if it's annoying 🙏

squid game x aftg but specifically the pairs with the marble game and who i think would die and how. Since it's pairs in the game I'll only do duo pairs for this one and it'll be the more popular pairs...... BY THE WAY, PLEASE free to argue against any and all of these (this goes to you and whoever see em). ALSO LAST THING BEFORE I BEGIN, i think most if not all pairs are capable of finding out the loophole for this game but for the sake of angst... let's pretend they don't lol.

Andreil:

Most would believe that Andrew would die for Neil but for me, that's not the case. Neil would 100% do like Ji-Yeong (240) did in the series and trick Andrew into winning. I can see both versions, let me be clear. But Neil is the "fell WAY harder" of the two and this man walked through fire in a cult and subjected himself to torture willingly just because of a vague threat to Andrew's safety. I highly doubt he wouldn't be more desperate than Andrew to ensure the other wins. Not to mention, he's an S-tier liar and gaslighter as well lmao.

Kevdrew:

Andrew sacrifices himself 100%. But I can't decide if they do it fair and square or if he tricks Kevin. Like, in my head I know Kevin wins. He just has that survivor's luck but I can't figure out how since the only way I see Andrew dying for someone is by protecting them. So, by that logic I'd have to argue he dies getting shot by a guard maybe after Kevin loses the game but before he gets eliminated, Andrew reacts first?

Kevneil:

Alright now for these two, I'm taking two things into consideration. Like the previous, Kevin has survivor's luck, I can't see him losing (this won't age well.) and also, Neil plays martyr. However, I can see them deciding to play a fair and square match to truly decide. No tricks or anything, just a complete 50/50 game that Kevin happens to win.

KevJean:

Remember how I said Kevin not losing won't age well? Yeah. This is the bad age. I can see Jean trying to die for Kevin, but man do I love the image of Kevin's guilt eating him alive from what happened to them so he decides to sabotage himself. This one might ooc, I cannot lie. But I think I can allow at least of these to be self-interest, no? For the sake of accuracy though, Jean would definitely try to make sure Kevin lives. I can see that 100%.

Jerejean:

Ouch. Okay so this one I just.... Sigh. Okay Jean dies here. It's just a gut wrenching feeling that I know he does. The image I see the most is Jeremy hesitating to do something he knows might kill him, not wanting Jean to die but that instinct of self-preservation is too much. So Jean notices and decides to do it for him. He makes the decision and bang, just like that he's dead and Jeremy's watching with wide eyes and shaky hands wondering what if he weren't such a coward.

Alright that's PT.1, I'll cut it off here because I'm sure this already a lot of yapping nobody gives a fuck about BUUUUUT on the off chance you liked it, lmk if you want a PT.2 because I have yaps for each pair in the series....

+ Squid Game Anon?

HI SQUID GAME ANON FEEL FREE TO GIVE MORE OF YOUR TAKES OMG I LOVE TO HEAR IT and i had the biggest squid game brainrot when it came out so its like two worlds colliding hehe

i actually agree with andreil i think neil would 100% sacrifice himself but andrew would have to be tricked because there is also no way andrew would let neil sacrifice himself so it would just be emotional damage either way 😭

i agree with andrew sacrificing himself for kevin too but i genuinely think kevin would realise what andrew is playing at and he would be so pissed and upset and try so hard to tell andrew to at least try. he needs to try and be the best and play the good fight but andrew might play it off bored til his last breath?? (we’ve concluded from the car accident that andrew does not mind sacrificing himself in the process) so i think that’s how it would go.

with kevneil i see kevin winning too actually, but i truly believe neil would sacrifice himself for kevin… like i genuinely think neil values the lives of his foxes more than his own ((reference to tkm)) so yeah…

and yeah…. atp im just convinced everyone would sacrifice themselves for kevin 😭😭 because i genuinely believe jean would sacrifice himself for kevin ((also a lot to do with the fact he tried to commit…)) but i also believe kevin would want to play a fair game against jean and he would once again try his best for his opponent to try their best and have it be a fair game because like u said the guilt would eat him alive…

AND YOUR TAKE ON JEREJEAN WHERE JEREMY IS STILL THINKING IT THROUGH TO SACRIFICE HIMSELF AND THEN JEAN BEATS HIM TO IT…. OH I NEED TO KMS

[deathenfield]

So, I just saw Skinamarink...

And I have so many thoughts! I guess this is an analysis(?) of the film, but it's mainly just going to be me putting down several thoughts and ideas down I had as I mulled over the film:

This film feels extremely similar to a Junji Ito novel, which might be because Junji Ito pioneered his own brand of horror. There's this wonderful post by @cryptotheism that delves into the difference between Lovecraft's brand of horror and Ito's. Basically, In a lot of Ito's works, the horror comes from doing everything right, making all the right decisions, and still suffering an unimaginably cruel fate. The horror is that there is nothing to prevent the awful things happening to you, which is exactly what happens in Skinamarink. Hell, we even see the kids do everything right! The literal first things they do is try to find their dad, and when they can't they attempt to call (what I assume is) a friend of their dad's, and then the police. They leave the lights on in the house. They whisper so that whatever is in the house won't hear them. None of it matters. The only reason the Skinamarink even lets Kevin call the police or lets them have their TV is because none of it will help them.

It's a film about cruelty. I feel like the biggest reason it's so effective as a horror film is because it's happening to children. The empathetic part of you wants so desperately to reach out and save them because culturally (at least in American media) there's an absolutely huge no-no about harm happening to kids. Bad things rarely happen to kids in media, and when they do, the kids always get a happy ending. This is not the case. Kevin and Kaylee will be tortured for eternity by a malicious entity and nothing will save them. There's also the part in you that was once a child, that knows what it's like to be so utterly helpless in a scary and confusing world. So many people say this is a movie about abuse and, like, yeah. To have your house become an inescapable prison, to be subjected to the cruel whims of a powerful figure that can protect but chooses to use their power to subject unimaginable cruelty to you - that as a child you have no means of protecting yourself, or even comprehending, the horrors that are happening to you. This film acknowledges the terrifying helplessness of being a child and it's honestly kind of wonderful for that. Seeing the terror I felt as a child being put to film almost feels cathartic, like being seen. No wonder it resonates with so many people.

The Skinamarink letting them have their TV, letting Kaylee see her parents and having them tell her they love her, letting Kevin call the police and turning the phone into a toy halfway through. I'm just sort of struck by how cruel it is. Letting them have spots of hope purely just so it could take it away from them. Torturing them for years only because it finds the suffering of children funny. Props to the movie for creating a monster that sounds almost cartoonishly evil on paper and still managing to make it completely terrifying.

The Skinamarink, for an all-powerful malicious entity, is surprisingly child-like. When it wants to play with Kevin and he refuses, it makes him hurt himself, like it's tantruming. Whenever Kevin is confused or in pain, the entity just laughs and giggles. Is there a reason the Skinamarink specifically targets these children, because an adult in this situation would be way harder to torment? Perhaps, you could say, the Skinamarink is just a bully given god-like power, that preys on children because they are weak and helpless. I've seen more than one post talking about how they would defeat the Skinamarink and like, that's not the fucking point. Of course you could probably defeat it, you're an adult with rational thinking skills, that's why it targets children.

Kaylee, despite being only six and two years older than her brother, is forced to be the adult in this terrifying situation. Having to take care of her brother, find solutions to their problems, be the one to face the brunt of the terror on her own. I can only assume that one of the reasons that the Skinamarink sealed her mouth and eyes and took her away from Kevin is because she has more autonomy than Kevin, more ability to disobey the entity. It needs someone even more helpless than her to torture.

The two of them saying "I love you" to each other in the beginning. Aaauauguhghughughh.

Yeah that's it lol. I might think of more later but god damn, this movie a lot to think about.

[i-make-fun-of-spn-characters]

hope this is ok to ask but if you’re willing to spill would you mind talking about some of your spn fic opinions 👀👀

DISCLAIMER: Everyone who writes fic is awesome for doing it and should do what they want and my opinion doesn't matter because who gives a fuck what I think??? Write what makes you happy!!! It doesn't matter!!! If someone doesn't like it they can read something else or write their own fic!!!! I will jump to the defense of an author whose work I don’t even like if they get a bitchy entitled comment from some jerkweed who thinks every fic should be written exactly how THEY want.

That said, in MY opinion *breathes*:

Need more of Cas being a bitch. Cas can be cool sometimes yes and sometimes he can be awkward yes but also he doesn't answer the phone, and when you call him out for ghosting you he just shrugs and says he was busy. He rolls his eyes because you're exasperating and your voice is grating. He ate his own siblings a few times and also said he wanted them all to die because they were so annoying about free will in season 6. Like yes he does little puppy dog eyes and says “sorry” but then he does that same shit again for the 12 billionth time to everyone around him. 

Need more of Dean being that guy. The "I was right about the thing and you didn't listen to me and it blew up in your face, idiot" guy. Like a lot of fics that are Dean centric seem to focus on Dean's self worth issues and his belief that no one loves him and he doesn't deserve happiness because he is a Loser and Stupid and a Weapon and is parentified which is a thing that Dean deals with feeling, but he is also THEEE most annoying hoe when he is right about something and he will NOT shut the fuck up about it. There is a lot of "Nobody will ever love me I am not smart like Sammy ;_;" and I would love to read more "I am literally the actual psychic in this family and I can sniff out how this stupid plan you came up with will fail with the accuracy of a bloodhound looking for a corpse that is just 2 feet away and I will tell you exactly how dumb you are then the universe will prove me right after you go behind my back and I WILL remind you about it at least 5 times." Yes Dean has self-worth issues but also yes Dean will endlessly shit on beings who could kill him in the blink of an eye and will tell everyone they are fucking stupid. 

Nobody can write Sam. Not you, not me, not his fans, not his haters. If, by some miracle, a person CAN write Sam accurately, then they write the best Sam ever written in the entire universe and there are galaxies exploding in your brain as you read his inner monologue... until you get to the part where Dean or Cas becomes relevant and then you immediately have to click out of the fic because this author put every single stat they have into Sam Understanding and apparently there’s are Cas Understander and Dean Understander penalties for doing that of like negative 5 trillion. Worst takes you have ever seen in your entire life. It is too painful to continue reading. Horrible crimes are being committed.

If Kevin appears in a Sam-centric fic there is a good chance the author is mean about him. 

Now that we can exclude things from search results on AO3, I need a tag called: #Everyone gets an A+ on their Mental Health Report Card after the decades of torture and/or lobotomies except Dean who is the Only Fucked Up One Because He Just Can't Manage Like Everyone Else Can And He Is Explicitly Treated As A Burden For Having Trauma Instead Of The Idea Of Him Being A Burden Being Subverted. 

Fics where Cas shows up in the fic to randomly bring dues ex machina from randomcountry and then disappear again as unobtrusively and robotically as possible "You're welcome my friends Sam and Dean Winchester beep boop" *flies away on wings ignoring canon wing loss timeline* are just????  

I notice many authors don’t care/remember when Cas does and doesn’t have certain powers in canon and he flies everywhere and it leaves me very disoriented. Like who even IS a Cas who never lost his wings? That is a different guy.

Every time someone writes "Dean finally pulls his head out of his ass" in the summary of their destiel fic a cute baby animal gets swallowed up by quicksand. 

Making Benny evil is a self-report that you don’t know how to write a friend or love interest for Dean that is better than him and that fact lives rent free in your head. 

[this-world-of-beautiful-monsters]

1, 5, 7, 8, 12, 17, 18, 19, 21, 27, 33, 36, 37, 41, 44, 45, 48, 49

(The only reason I did not put any fic specific asks for this is because you have so many that I fucking adore that I can't even begin to pick out which ones to ask about 😳 perhaps tomorrow I will send another ask because my god do I love hearing from authors about their fics)

How old were you when you first starting writing fanfiction?

I almost feel like a late bloomer, but eighteen, tbh. I only really entered "fandom" spaces in college and it spiraled from there.

5. If you had to choose a favourite out of all of your multi chaptered stories, which would it be and why?

Shoot, that's hard....I think I'd choose The Nature Of The Wind, one of my stories from the TMNT fandom, because it still gets so much love and I'm proud of the darkness I explored there.

7. When is your preferred time to write?

Whenever the spirit moves me! Seriously, I prefer to be well rested, but I've written up a storm in the dead of night, too.

8. Where do you take your inspiration from?

A whole lot of places...great fic authors (like a certain someone who sent me this ask), books I've read, stories, personal experience, family stories, art. I've been known to pillage the Bible from time to time, and Greek mythology, too. It all just melts together into a bubbling witch's brew and I fish out (what I hope are) the best bits for my writing.

12. Who is your favourite character to write for? Why?

Depends on the fandom...for TMNT it's Leonardo, because I love his tortured leader aesthetic and the sheer amount of trauma he puts up with is really fun. For DC it's Damian, because I have a soft spot for angsty baby murderers trying to be better.

For Avatar I'd think recom Jake, because he's such a perfect Frankenstein's monster of hunger and cruelty and pain and power. With Spider being a close second, because I love this boy and I love fucking him up.

17. Post a line from a WIP that you’re working on.

It’s insane. She’s insane. Her very existence is a mark of insanity, always has been and always will be. If she thinks too hard about what she wants to do, it will overwhelm her, and the fire and water are both getting closer. There is no time, no time. 

18. Do you have any abandoned WIP’s? What made you abandon them?

God, so many....I've got a whole doc for dead Avatar WIPS and more TMNT WIPs than I can count. Usually they just--weren't working? It felt too familiar, sometimes, or just wrong, or it wasn't as fun to write as I'd hoped, and being fun to write usually means fun to read (I think).

21. Tell me about another writer(s) who you admire? What is it about them that you admire?

Well, tbh...there's this one writer who writes the most amazing, vivid, wild and fractured and lovely stories, and who writes some pretty spectacular comments, and sends me some great asks to boot! Their name might be familiar.

27. Do you make a general outline for your stories or do you just go with the flow?

I'm a go-with-the-flow little bastard (gender neutral) and I probably always will be.

33. What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

Someone told me they hoped I kept writing, both in fanfiction and in general, because I was really something, and I don't know, that just stuck with me? I want to believe it's true.

36. Can you give us a spoiler for one of your WIP’s?

Mommy-and-me assassination attempts.

37. What’s the funniest story you’ve written?

I wrote a nsfw story once about characters fucking while they watched the Kevin McCarthy debacle and I still think I should have gotten an award for it or something. It's you're gonna need congressional approval and you don't have the votes (it's not Hamilton fanfiction I stg, I just couldn't resist the title).

41. What’s your favourite minor character you’ve written?

Honestly changes depending on who I'm writing, heh, but right now it's definitely Sylwanin te Tskaha Mo'at'ite. She deserves so much more love and attention and I miss her even though she was technically never on screen.

44. What is the last line you wrote?

It helps that if they do look at her, all they see is her baby, that they think mother and not threat. It helps that no one bothers to consider how easily the two can overlap.

45. What spurs you on during the writing process?

The high, maybe? The fact that writing feels good and getting comments feels good and I like being able to get these thoughts out of my head and share them with so many great people.

48. What’s your favourite trope to write?

Not sure if angst/abuse/trauma/violation dressing itself up as soft fluff counts as a trope, but if it is, it fucking wins hands down. I love it when the horrors try to pretend not to be horrors and never quite get there.

49) Can you remember the first fic you read? What was it about?

A TMNT OT4 turtlecest future fic with immortality, bondage, and the apocalypse. It's called Casting Stones at the River by GoblinCatKC and I still love it so fucking much.

[antigonewinchester]

15x02 (transcript @ the link)

BELPHEGOR Yeah, there were some over there, but they spotted us and left. Not their favorite. DEAN So you were a dick to 'em in Hell, huh? BELPHEGOR No. I did my job. It's Hell. It's not a day spa. DEAN Can't believe I've teamed up with a demon again. Think I'd know better by now. BELPHEGOR Teaming up with a Hunter. I could say the same. DEAN Why are you helping? BELPHEGOR I told you, I like Hell the way it was. I'm a good soldier. Escape attempt, 11:00.

This whole exchange is fascinating in the context of 4x06 and Dabb’s writing around Dean in Hell. This episode wasn’t written by Dabb but his framing fits with how the writers in later seasons seem to understand Dean’s time in Hell too. The ghost sickness targeting Dean for being a “dick” and how it becomes about him torturing in Hell as revealed later on, Dean later describing himself as having “serving” in Hell, Belphegor with his lines here about doing his job and being a “good soldier” -- clearly parallels going on. And while I have my issues w/ this framing in the show itself, what I’ll say is how fandom picks up on these threads and then makes them... even worse than what’s in the show proper, sometimes.

DEAN: Well, now that his cover's blown, everything that we've done is for what? Nothing? CASTIEL: Even if we didn't know that all of the challenges that we face were born of Chuck's machinations, how would we describe it all? We'd call it "life". Because that's precisely what life is. It's an obstacle course, and maybe Chuck designed the obstacles, but we ran our own race. We made our own moves. And mostly, we did well with that. DEAN: Did we? I'll tell you what we do know. Nothing about our lives is real. Everything that we've lost, everything that we are is because of Chuck. So maybe you can stick your head back in the sand, maybe you can pretend that we actually had a choice. I can't. CASTIEL: Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.

There’s clearly foreshadowing for Cas’s love confession to Dean here (Cas’s feelings for Dean are real) but it also fits into the idea that relationships & family & other people are what’s “real” about life, they’re what makes life matter, worth living, etc. It’s very similar to Sam and Dean’s exchange at the end of 15x01. If Dean is ‘stuck’ in doubt and nihilism, feeling like Chuck’s control means their lives didn’t have meaning, then Sam and Cas have a more optimistic view, focusing on other people and having hope and faith in relationships & others.

DEAN: Kevin's not even supposed to be in Hell, okay, so when this is all over, we're gonna send him up in Heaven where he belongs. BELPHEGOR: Yeah, yeah, not gonna happen. Souls cast down to Hell? That's the end of it. Heaven can't take 'em. SAM: That's not true. Our dad made it to Heaven after he was in Hell. DEAN: And Bobby Singer. BELPHEGOR: So God made an exception. Didn't he used to like you two? Just saying. Without the big guy... them's the rules.

Another retcon in service of making Chuck even more of an asshole & his system even more unfair & shitty. Also that the tragedy for Kevin being not just that he’s a ghost/can’t got to Heaven but also that he has to wander the Earth alone...

AMARA:  Don't. Even on your best day, you couldn't force my hand. And this is not your best day. In fact, I don't think you can do much of anything. Ah, a few parlor tricks, perhaps, but you can't leave this world, not without my help. And me? I'm done, Chuck. I've changed. I've adapted. I've... I've become the better me. And you? You are still the same... petulant, narcissistic. So... I'm leaving you here. Once, long ago, you sealed me away. Now, in a way... I'm doing the same to you. You're trapped, diminished, abandoned. So I guess you got what you've always wanted. You're on your own.

Chuck clings to people not out of love but desperation and control, like he’s doing with Amara here, and so he ends up alone at the end of this ep, and ultimately ends up alone and abandoned at the end of the season, too. Just desserts.

[sarah-dipitous]

Hellsite Nostalgia Tour 2023 Day 207

King of the Damned

Truly, I could not have planned this weekend of HNT better. We’ve got David Tenant back tomorrow AND Metatron trying to convince an angel to help him fix heaven in TWO series…on GO2 release weekend

“King of the Damned”

Plot Description: Castiel captures one of Metatron’s angels and asks Sam and Dean for help. Meanwhile, Abaddon demands that Crowley help her kill Sam and Dean

Would I Survive the First Five Minutes??: as far as I know, I have no connection to anyone Abaddon personally wants dead, so I might be alright. That said, if she decided to kill me, she’s more than welcome to

Oh…these are all angels, and…this one’s being STUPIDLY braggy

Right? Like, don’t go around bragging about how you’re the right hand man for Metatron. Most angels don’t like him

I’m tired of Cas being forced into leadership roles. He fucks it up every time, but angels can’t help but want to follow him.

Cas showing affection still makes my heart melt. Omg. Please. Saying another angel can “be a little stuffy.”

I’m never going to be 100% comfortable with the interrogation (*coughtorturecough*) scenes, but now that the Mark of Cain is amplifying Dean’s actions, I’m even less comfortable with them

CROWLEY’S IN CLEVELAND?!?! …that’s not a real hotel here. (So after some research, looks like it’s modeled after a hotel that used to be here? Or is under a different name here and is super haunted apparently?? Because I needed to make sure before I posted this)

“Nobody in the history of torture has been tortured with the torture you’ll be tortured with” real dialogue from Crowley

Oh…that guy from the first five minutes was Crowley’s son. Ooooo, ok. I take it back. Abaddon can have a scene where she’s doing the torturing, as a treat

Omg. Forget playing whatever music for a Victorian orphan. Just be the king of hell, have your son from 200-some years ago get brought to 2015 or some shit and tell him you traded your soul for three extra inches of dick. It’s even better

Ok…I THOUGHT they left him fine…good to have that confirmation (I’ve been drinking wine so it…was a possibility i missed something)

Oh!! We get (possibly) our first mention of Rowena, Crowley’s mom!!

WHAT HAPPENS TO THE SHIP, CROWLEY??

The way Cas sees some of himself in Gadreel is kinda cool

Uh oh boyyyyyyys, you got a hellhound on your tail?? Omg the way Crowley effortlessly controls it, but like…why was it there in the first place?

Idk I think Sam should take the blade. Like the few moments a different Sam had the One Ring. What if we get a “I can’t carry it but I can carry you” moment for these two??

Wait. Is Crowley’s son’s name actually Kevin? That makes all his torture of Kevin Tran even more SO SICK AND TWISTEEEEEEED. SICK AND TWISTED.

Also, who’s gonna tell this guy he’s already IN and actually PAST “the colonies”

Oh hell yeah!! I love that Abaddon pulled the “devils trap bullet” trick on Crowley while waiting for the Winchesters (I will be so sad to see her go and for however the boys take her out…)

I may not go downtown a whole lot but this…does not look like Cleveland

…but the power of the One Ring First Blade cannot be denied

Please tell me he’s—he’s gonna Jedi mind trick the Blade into his hand.

Please don’t show her too much…I know the First Blade is corrupting Dean but he didn’t need to stab her that much. So thankfully they didn’t linger on the wounds. RIP Abaddon 😭😭😭 you will be sorely missed by me

GAVIN MAKES WAY MORE SENSE FOR AN OLDE TIMEY NAME!!!! But it did sound a LOT like Kevin

Jesus, Deeeeeean. You’re allowed to go it alone but Sam always needs your help and intervention?? The way you’re saying this like y’all could afford to NOT close the gates of hell…I’m usually a Dean apologist, but Sam is in the right here.

Well, now you’re just being an ass by not allowing the blade out of your sight…

[afurtivecake]

#oh you’re a freaky freak aren’t you#I love your take on jeans character#so evil tell me more#he suffers so well#aftg thoughts#aftg#jean moreau @trgldyte

HAPPY TO.

where do i even start? jean's just so soft and deeply kind and more vulnerable than he even knows. the kind of person who could be hurt so deeply and horrifically it leaves scars on their psyche to last them all their days. he can be made to suffer so easily. every blow could easily remind him that he's powerless and that he's always been. every cut could remind him that no one will ever come to save him because the people who might have saved him were the ones who gave him away. he wears his heart on his sleeve to be stomped on by anyone who might want to see him hurt and afraid. he has such a capacity to be hurt and riko makes pretty good use of it.

(neil, on the other hand, with his teaspoon of empathy, his blank-ass expressions, and his 'whatever, i'm just here for my two weeks of torture' mentality doesn't give riko a lot to work with.)

he's also an insubordinate little shit at heart. a fighter. a rebel. someone who likes feeling powerful would love to force obedience into an angry little brat like him. it's about showing him how useless his fighting is and how helpless he really is. riko probably enjoyed breaking jean of his attitude. he probably enjoyed teaching jean that yes, obedience will hurt, but that it'll still hurt less than the heartbreak of resisting with everything he has and still failing. he was probably pleased with the results; turning a raging little shit into an obedient victim who is GOOD at following orders. turning him into someone who becomes KNOWN for following orders. there's something so awful and so compelling about breaking someone with an insubordinate streak and making them into submissive servants, not just in action or in their minds, but also in the minds of others around them. so that their torturers aren't the only ones that see them as obedient pets, but that everyone else around them knows and thinks it too. (i'm looking at you, kevin day)

and i have to admit, i love seeing how good jean is at suffering obediently. he'll hold still while riko carves him to shreds. he'll break his own fingers with a racquet for riko's enjoyment. he'll suppress his natural instinct to fight back as long as he physically can so that riko can drown him on dry land. he'll even hold neil down for riko to torture in his place without prompting. it's completely heartbreaking how readily he submits himself for torture and so satisfying at the same time.

and the best and most devastating part about his silent obedience? you know that he hates it. you know that it kills him a little every time he obeys, that it tears a bit out of his heart every time he forces himself to obey instead of fight. the only thing that makes this bearable is the fact that every time he gives in, there's a little less of him left in there to hurt. he tries shutting down his emotions but he can't do it well and it won't help him anyway. just because he's hardened on the surface, doesn't mean there isn't still softness and anger to prod at deeper down. you just have to cut deeper to get at it.

he has no way out even if he wanted it. so long as he is useful on the court, they'll keep him live. what's more, his promise to kevin means that he can't use death as a way out. and so in terms of the story, jean is functionally immortal to be tortured over and over again endlessly.

so you end up with the jean moreau we first meet in TRK: stoic, cold, arrogant and thoroughly unpleasant. a villain in the eyes of others, a worthless piece of trash, an undeserving whore. and it's like every bad thing he's ever thought about himself, everything he's ever been told has come true. he's been made to do horrible things to people, he's been horrible to people. and they hate him. but by that point, he feels like he's earned that hatred. he feels like he deserves it. and the pain, the torture? he feels he probably deserves that too. it's almost like retribution for being a horrible person hated by many.

and from a narrative standpoint? he does deserve it because his role in the narrative IS to be tortured.

characters like jean (holland in A Darker Shade of Magic, and to some extent, mirnatius in Spinning Silver) come off initially as cold, arrogant and thoroughly unpleasant and make the reader think, "gee, what an emo asshole." but then you find out that the reason he's like that is because he's been subjected to the worst horrors imaginable and the only reason he's still alive is because he's too useful to have been allowed to die. in the narrative, they're sometimes the villain-turned-anti-hero, but more importantly, they're used by the narrative to highlight the real cruelty of the actual villains. what that often entails is a lot of violence and torture.

and it's because of the narrative that we get a character like jean, who's got an attitude that's just asking to be broken and a soft heart that's practically laid out to be trampled. we're meant to feel sorry for him despite whatever horrible things he might've done, and we're meant to hope that he gets a chance to be free and to heal. and that's what TSC is! jean's someone who's suffered so much and taken it so well and that's why we WANT to see him be ok, that's why we want read about his fluffy sports adventures in southern california. through jean and characters like him, we get to experience the horror of being plunged into nightmare and the relief and euphoria of having it soothed away with sunshine and rainbows. that's why it's important they suffer well and be as pathetic as possible to a contrast between nightmare and safety.

what's ur most controversial aftg opinion?

see, that requires me to know what the general consensus opinions are. and i don't think i have a good grasp on them yet.

but, ok, fine, not wimping out. but forgive me if they're only uncommon and not actually controversial:

1) aftg needs more sports. not to be all kevin day about it, but why aren't people playing exy more. i genuinely did not read the description of aftg before i read it and i thought i was going to be reading a sports novel where sports would be the focus. and it does ok at that actually, in comparison to the other sports/romance novels i've read. like there is an actual sports narrative and sports tropes (i really enjoyed andrew's character development from a sports narrative perspective) but part of me wants even more sports. part of me looks at the name "all for the game" and thinks, "nora, you fucking lied. it's not all for the game. neil's character arc was very much about him learning how to make his life NOT all for the game." i just like sports stories, ok? sue me.

2) to me, jean moreau is the type of character that i like to think of as the "manic pixie dream girl of torture victims". these are characters that the writer clearly enjoys torturing and making suffer. holland from A Darker Shade of Magic is a good example of this. (he's also stripped of his free will, literally by magic, and made to hurt himself and others for his owners' amusement and he's hanging on to his humanity by the barest thread. it's diabolical and *chef's kiss*) i don't mean characters who just get tortured a lot. cuz neil gets tortured a lot and he definitely isn't this type of character. i mean characters who are fun to torture. usually they're characters who feel very deeply but put on a facade of neutral uncaring so that they don't give their tormentors the emotions that their tormentors want to see on them. characters who so clearly don't want whatever their tormentors are dishing out but submit to it eventually when broken. characters who break and give in but still have that spark of a fight in them that makes their tormentors forever obsessed with snuffing out. they are characters who suffer so well and so beautifully and you almost can't fault their torturers for torturing them. i know it sounds horrible but there's something so satisfying about seeing jean hurt and suffering.

hey look, i want jean to have a service dog and hot cocoa and hugs as much as the next person, i promise you. (jean and jeremy's flirting is delightful) but i've also got a few sadistic tendencies when it comes to fiction and the charm of jean moreau for me is in part due to the fact that he suffers so well.

[mochi-ficz]

the boyz' bedroom roles

how i imagine the boyz' role(s) when making love with you

it's me, your favorite horny bastard with something else tbz related because honestly?? i'm just a slut for tbz fanfiction as of recent. obviously, these are all strictly my opinions, but i feel like i should clarify that anyways. these are all genderless because gender is a social construct 😌 moving on

genre: smut, some fluff in certain parts

includes mentions of (oh god this is going to be a long list): praise kink, degradation kink, pet names, bdsm, torture, dacryphilia, brat taming, experimentalism, exhibitionism, brief mention of a threesome, cockwarming, cock slapping, sex toys, restraints, marking, forced submission, somnophilia, casual sex, vanilla sex, teasing, wax play, blindfolds, orgasm denial, cum eating, spit swallowing, spanking/whipping, katoptronophilia, face sitting, edging, overstimulation, milking

i think that's all the mentions/warnings, please let me know if you noticed i missed something!

a/n: the gifs are just some of my favorites, i really don't have a theme for them lol.

sangyeon!

i feel like it goes without saying at this point, if you follow me or keep up with me at all, you know i worship the idea of this man being a service top. i will continue to live under the belief that sangyeon is the service top.

my reasoning being that sangyeon is very warm and caring, and would love to please you any way he can, including sexually. sangyeon is so eager to please, and will cater to your every need accordingly. if you want him to be your little pain slut, he's more than willing. if you want him to fuck you senseless until you can barely form sentences and can't even remember what was troubling you to begin with, he'll do that too.

sangyeon truly lives to make you happy. this baby loves to be rewarded though, so please be sure to praise him for doing such a good job, and reward him with plenty of kisses and cuddles. it's also a reward for you because you get to see his angelic smile.

jacob!

honestly, i see jacob as a switch. i think jacob would be the perfect angelic sub, taking the pain you give him and taking your cock (whether fake or real) so well. jacob would look absolutely beautiful with tears decorating his cheeks, eyes glossed over with pleasure.

however, this little bitch is also a very good dom. any trace of that angelic sub i mentioned previously is gone. jacob is naturally musically inclined and would love to hear your beautiful voice scream his name as he drives you wild.

he loves to try new things with you as well, regardless of who is receiving it. honestly, you each feed off each other's happiness, and at the end of the day, jacob is still satisfied knowing you're happy as well.

please just be respectful with him, and treat him like the king he is. jacob knows his worth and won't settle for being used.

younghoon!

ABSOLUTE ANGEL. younghoon would be an amazing sub, despite being very large and looking somewhat intimidating at first. younghoon loves to be pleasured and rewarded for his good behavior. sometimes he'll try to tease you, but he would end up getting embarrassed, and you'd smile down at him as you notice the cutest little pink blush settling across his cheeks.

younghoon would also look beautiful with tears streaming down his face, and making the most sinful noises for you. this sweet baby loves your touches and will cum for you as many times as you want him to.

he loves bonding with you too. in any way possible. i feel like he's the member that would be the most down for cockwarming, regardless of which of you is giving or receiving. at the end of the day, he just wants you to hold him and wipe the tears from his eyes while you tell him how pretty he is and how good a job he did.

hyunjae!

brat #1. hyunjae does not want to be your sub willingly. he'd rather die than let you take him down easily. you'll have to use force if you want to hear his pretty sounds.

in my mind, the perfect scenario is having him tied up vertically, with a bar spreading his legs. you'll approach him with a devilish smirk and ask him "are you ready for your punishment, slut?" and he'll simply respond to you with a shit-eating grin and a triumphant "go to hell." i can imagine you edging for hours, waiting for him to break, and when he does, he's like clay in your hands.

honestly this man is a slut for pain, and loves to be degraded. if you call him a worthless piece of meat— or any degrading nickname by that matter— you can expect him to be rock solid.

i feel like hyunjae would be down with somnophilia, because despite being a little bratty bitch, he also loves being taken advantage of and treated as your toy.

juyeon!

i'm going against what seems to be the majority here and saying this boy is a sub. i realize his stage presence may make him look more dominant, but once he's underneath you, that facade will vanish.

he's a good boy, very much so, and like sangyeon, he loves to please. however, sometimes when he's in the mood, he'll try to dom you, in which case you'll simply have to make him see that he could never satisfy himself like you can when you're domming him.

i feel like he may slip into sub space a bit easier than other members? so please, when you're done with him, give baby gentle cuddles. he loves your kisses, and it's so rewarding seeing him sleepy from all the pleasure, and hearing him let out a soft, content sigh into the crook of your neck as you hold him tight.

kevin!

brat #2. again, i could just leave this off here, but that wouldn't be very fun.

speaking of fun, kevin would be the best member to have casual sex with. both of you mirroring the other's dopey smile as you make love.

however, when kevin wants to be bratty, he will be the biggest pain in the ass. if you thought dealing with hyunjae was a mess, just wait for kevin. he would annoy you anytime, anywhere. moaning into your ear in public, trying to touch up your thighs, rubbing his ass against your front nonchalantly, while you silently get infuriated.

kevin loves being punished, and loves to be marked up. be sure to fulfill his wishes, or he'll find even more clever and devious stunts to pull on you so you have no choice but to mark him up and punish him.

new!

do i even need to say it?

this man is such a little slut, and no, i will not be taking any criticism. he loves to look pretty for you, including cross dressing, and be treated like a prince. new has a massive praise kink, and would love to be told he looks and sounds beautiful.

he would also love to have hickeys on his neck and be marked. he sees himself as a piece of art, and each mark you give him just seems to add to his beauty. he's no stranger to rough sex, but he prefers you to be gentler and treat him like the beautiful doll he is.

did i mention he's also a crier? he's so sensitive, when you work him up enough, he'll just sob and make the most beautiful, yet pornographic sounds. he loves you to play with his sensitive nipples too.

some of his favorite things to do is play with wax and/or be blindfolded. you wouldn't mind, because with your marks on him and hot wax dripping down his front, he would look gorgeous.

q!

changmin would make an excellent power bottom.

his neck is literally made for marking up, so please take advantage of that. he's also one kinky little fucker, and loves to try new things. he would even be open to a threesome.

he likes praise and degradation, so if you call him things like "my slutty little prince," you can have him wrapped around your finger just like that.

he loves when you let him do what he wants with you, he has so many fantasies he wants to try. including sex in public. his dream is to be shoved up against a wall and fucked senseless, knowing that anyone could walk by and see him getting railed by you.

another one is you slapping his cock and denying him. he's no stranger to pain and would absolutely love for you to torture him. he loves bdsm and honestly any kind of toy or torture method he sees or hears about will immediately become something he wants to try.

as kinky as he is, he also needs to be reassured that you love him, so soft, passionate sex is also something he loves to do with you. he'll get shy looking into your loving eyes, and hide his face with his hands, but you can tell by the flush on the tips of his ears that he's embarrassed.

changmin is the king of duality, but at the end of the day, please love him. he loves to know you're his and he's yours.

juhaknyeon!

honestly with haknyeon, i'm not sure! i feel like he would be a switch as well. maybe one of those "freak in the sheets, normal in the streets" type of deals?

i feel like his love for food extends to the bedroom, and he would definitely swallow cum or spit for you if you asked him. he's open to try many things, and he's very sweet. honestly he just loves being happy with you, so just about anything is fine with him.

i love his smile and his laugh, and it's very contagious, so please make sure to make him do so often. he brightens up a room instantly.

sunwoo!

slut. slut for pain, slut for you, just a straight up slut. if he's committed to you and trusts you, he loves to be your kinky little bitch.

of course, he takes the spot of brat #3, but because he can't control himself, it won't take much torture before he begs for you to use him. he loves being degraded.

if you let him top you, you're getting railed, this boy has no self control, and just wants all the pleasure to himself. it's because of this that he's a master at eating you out when you ride his face. he wants to pleasure you as much as possible to get the best reward. he looks gorgeous with his hair all messy, his pillowy lips hitting all the right spots in and around your hole (or holes).

he's amazing with his tongue, and he's also very good at begging, knowing just what to say to make you give him what he wants. if you stand any chance of taming this brat, you'll need a lot of self control.

when you do give him what he wants, overstimulate him or milk him. take all of him and use him like the slut he is, he can't get enough of it. sex with sunwoo can and should be messy.

he also loves being spanked, and to see signs of your torture on his body, via rope burns, welts from a belt, red hot skin from your spankings, etc. he would also love mirror sex because of that. you should try making him hold eye contact with himself in the mirror as you absolutely wreck his body.

a/n: it won't let me post an eleventh gif here, and that is very homophobic. just use your imagination i suppose.💔

eric!

eric is a hopeless romantic, i'd definitely say he's a switch. i feel like your sex with him would be the most vanilla, but also the most loving and passionate out of all the members. both of you taking care of each other. he loves to catch your lips in gentle kisses.

he also likes his sex to be very clean, so you if you ride his face, take advantage of the fact you can make it messy. eric knows just how to please you whenever he's domming you, and loves to be taken care of when you're domming him as well.

your relationship with eric would really be furthered by sex, since he loves showing you affection. he thrives off the fact that he can trust you, and deeply appreciates that you reciprocate those feelings. if you're lucky, you might get to do some kinkier things with him, but i wouldn't exactly count on it.

[therealvinelle]

What do you think the Cullens would do if some person they were talking to, out of nowhere just quite literally exploded in front of, and on them? Kinda like in that movie Spontaneous. Would they lose control and slurp up the mess on the ground, (and themselves) or would their bloodlust be curtailed by shock of wtf just happened?

I'd say something witty about how this is a strange anon to receive, but holy jesus you've sent me down a rabbithole.

Here's a trailer to the movie Spontaneous. It looks amazing. Kevin Feige wishes this had been his plot for Infinity War.

Here's a trailer for the movie Spontaneous Combustion, which I found by accident while searching for your fic. This looks amazing too. Can't believe Marvel didn't buy the rights to this guy.

I'm serious, people, you definitely want to watch these trailers. I just about died laughing.

So, on to your ask.

In the spirit of your ask, which implies a level of randomness, I thought the people blowing up should be random too. So, being in the mood to procrastinate through spending way too much time on tumblr things, I wrote a program that'll generate for me random Twilight characters.

Unsure whether the explosion should kill vampires or not, I generated an answer. The answer is yes, any generated vampire dies.

Without further ado:

Alice watches Vladimir blow up.

Alright, alright.

The first question to be answered here is why Alice is in Vladimir's presence in the first time. In canon they only meet once, at the end of Breaking Dawn.

For the sake of simplicity, we'll have Vladimir blow up then.

The Cullens and the witnesses are all celebrating being alive, when Vladimir suddenly explodes.

For the sake of the ask, Alice is sitting closest to him when this happens and making conversation.

Her first thought is utter shock. Not just that he blew up, but that she didn't see it coming (she wouldn't, because I randomly generated him. No decision was made). Her second thought is horror.

The Cullens just confronted the Volturi, now mere hours afterwards their allies are blowing up.

Holy fuck, Aro has a gifted ace up his sleeve, and he's using it to kill them remotely.

Panic ensues, not just for Alice, but among all the witnesses. Some of them refuse to leave, Bella has to shield those 24/7, though given the belief that her gift is psychic that doesn't make them feel very safe.

The others decide to go after the Volturi and beg for mercy, assuring them they never meant to challenge them.

Aro, of course, is very confused, but agrees. Why, yes, he does have a vampire who blows people up. Yes, yes he does.

Bella watches Aro blow up.

Oh I'm dying laughing at this one. And wishing I'd put this down for Carlisle, that would be even funnier, but alright.

Bella is walking about post-Breaking Dawn, minding her own business, when suddenly Aro appears in front of her. He looks around himself, utterly surprised by his sudden deplacement, and then blows up.

Bella has been living in terror of this man for years.

In Volterra he had his servant torture her and Edward and then made ominious threats, then a few months later the Eclipse disaster unfolded, finally we have Breaking Dawn where he showed up to murder her and everyone she loved.

Her shield may be powerful, but for as long as Aro was alive her family was never truly safe.

His untimely implosion changes all of that.

I imagine after a long moment of incredulity, Bella burns the rubble, just to be sure, then tells her family the joyous news.

Carlisle gives the guy a funeral. It's weird.

Carlisle watches Vassilii blow up.

Close call, due to my not switching out the names we almost had Angela. In which case Carlisle have stood there, covered in blood and in shock for several long seconds, before bringing out the bleach and gasoline for a crime scene clean.

As it is, Carlisle is minding his own business when suddenly an immortal child dressed like a medieval Eastern European appears before him. It says something in a foreign language that might mean "hi", he doesn't know but he says "hi" to it back, then the child blows up.

Carlisle stares at the rubble for a very long time, wondering if he is perhaps losing his mind. If, perhaps, Aro was right about animal blood being a slow suicide, and Carlisle has finally hit the limit for how long a vampire can go on without human blood.

He burns the rubble and prays for the child's soul, as an immortal child is doomed anyway, and keeps his silence about what happened. In part because there's a solid chance this was all in his imagination.

If Aro ever touches his hand again, and sees the immortal child that he burned a thousand years earlier resurrect, travel through time, all in order to blow up in front of Carlisle, he... well there comes a point where you say "nothing to see here" and refuse eye contact with the universe glitching.

Edward watches Randall blow up.

Randall, for the ignorants, is one of Carlisle's friends that came to witness for the Cullens in Breaking Dawn.

Suddenly he appears in front of Edward, says hi and how do you do, and then he blows up.

Edward tells Carlisle, who is saddened by this, and they try to piece the guy together. They fail.

Edward sends a somber thought to this noble man who agreed with Edward that the Cullens are awesome enough to be worth dying for.

Emmett watches Mary blow up.

Emmett will never admit it, but it's the coolest, raddest thing he's ever seen.

Esme watches Eleazar blow up.

Oh boy.

The Cullens are visiting the Denali. Irina has not been dead for long, but given the crystal clear memory of vampires, and the loss they already suffered (Sasha's death traumatized them) it doesn't really matter how long it's been, the Denali are devastated anyway.

The whole coven is as fragile as it can possibly get.

Then, Eleazar goes to join Esme in the kitchen, and explodes all over her and the kitchen.

The remaining Denali and the Cullens are called to the kitchen by the sound of Esme's screaming, and find her in hysterics, surrounded by gray rubble.

The Denali are near catatonic with grief at this point, while cooking has been ruined for Esme. One moment you're making food, the next people are exploding all over your kitchen.

Yeah.

Esme is not okay.

Jasper watches Nahuel blow up.

It's a shameful moment in his life.

But, hybrids are edible.

And that blood was splattered all over him.

Jasper has the worst control fail of his life, worse even than when he failed with Bella because this fail means he can't be around Renesmée anymore.

It's miserable all around.

The one highlight here is that it didn't happen when they were headed to the Volturi trial together.

Rosalie watches Emmett blow up.

Jesus christ, random Twilight character generator, just when I thought you were just going to give me boring results.

Not only does Rosalie lose the love of her life, the guy who kept her together, the one good thing she had going for her who made her life worth living, but he did so right in front of her, blowing up out of nowhere.

There's no explanation to be had, no culprit to be found, no reason for it. She had no goodbye, just as she can have no revenge.

She will never have closure.

Renesmée watches Renée blow up.

We go out on a high note, my god. Well done, generator, I'm laughing.

Renesmée is curious enough about her grandmother to go to Florida. She was going to watch from afar, but finds herself talking to the woman who raised her mother.

It's all going well until Renée suddenly explodes all over Renesmée.

Renesmée's first thought is nothing, she's in shock.

Then...

Well, she was controlled as an infant, so I don't think an adult Renesmée would lose it unless under extreme circumstances, like if she encountered a singer.

More, though, Renesmée might have any reasons of her own not to drink human blood, but she has been raised with this being a big no-no.

So she shouldn't.

However...

Is she ever going to get a better chance?

Ethically, she could easily argue this is the right choice. No one will be negatively affected by this, at least not directly.

The human is right there, already dead, and there's no body so while Renesmée does have to clean up the gore. Hell, if she laps up the blood on her clothes and the ground she will be cleaning up. Why waste perfectly good blood?

If Renesmée Cullen is ever going to have human blood, this is it.

It will come down to how much she respects her grandfather, and how important she believes Renée was to Bella.

-

Bonus, because I'm having way too much fun with this:

Bree watches Atheonodora blow up.

Bree is minding her own business when suddenly a vampire unlike any she has ever seen before, one with hazy eyes and odd skin, appears before her. They stare at each other. Then the woman blows up.

Bree takes this to mean that exploding is apparently something vampires just do sometimes, runs off in a panic and, sobbing, tells Riley.

Riley, having no idea what to make of any of this, tells her it was those evil yellow-eyes with their witchcraft and sorcery.

[ash-imagines]

Skinamarink is one of those pieces of media that really has to be engaged with on its terms, if that makes sense. The slow pacing and shots that linger on nothing in particular will understandably be a barrier to those who prefer traditional storytelling. The movie spends a lot of time cultivating its mood, forcing the audience to sit in the uncomfortable atmosphere it's building. For the majority of the movie, I think it's a strategy that works quite well! But there were moments when it was frustrating, too. I can understand why some people have issues with the film. I think it's fair to call it a mood piece, considering how much focus the creators put on emphasizing the tense atmosphere.

Spoilers after this point!

In some ways, it reminded me of Silent Hills PT. Of course, PT and Skinamarink share a lot of the same themes, those being child neglect, marital issues, and the proverbial skeletons that can linger in a family's closet. There's also the parallel of the protagonist being trapped in a time loop and his own personal hell. What really makes Skinamarink unique is its ability to capture the feeling of being a terrified child, especially when there are no adults around to help you. I think just about everyone who's seen the film is able to relate to it in some way because we've all been scared and felt helpless at some point during our childhoods, and the movie does a really good job of conveying that feeling.

The horror of Skinamarink is more psychological, I think, than anything else. The premise on its own is enough to unsettle me, personally. Some malevolent force has removed all exits from the house, trapping the main characters inside so it can torment them. The entity is cruel and clearly derives twisted enjoyment from torturing these children, but it's also very calculated and patient in the way it goes about doing this. The entity knows that it will have plenty of opportunities to inflict suffering on its victims, so it's chosen to begin with psychological pain and work its way up to physical pain. Even when it does finally bring physical harm to Kevin, it does so by forcing Kevin to be the one to stab himself. I'm almost not even fully convinced that Kaylee is truly herself because we know that the entity has the ability to take the form of Kevin's family members.

The most haunting parts of the film, in my opinion, are the moments when it seems like the entity is showing Kevin kindness. It takes the form of Kevin's mother and tells him that she loves him, it tells him it wants to play with him, it gives him reassurance on the phone pretending to be a police officer, it tells him that it will protect him... I somehow get the impression that the entity actually does care about Kevin, almost as much as it enjoys making him suffer. And that's something that gives me goosebumps. I don't think the entity is unaware of the harm it's doing, it knows that what it's doing is upsetting and wrong, but there's something almost gentle about it. I think even the nursery rhyme that is the film's namesake lends some credence to this idea that the entity is showing affection for Kevin in fucked up way.

Both the original 1910 version of the song and the current nursery rhyme version are playful songs about love.

So that kind of leaves the question of "what is this movie actually about?" and I have my own theories, but the two conclusions I've seen most often online are "it's not about anything specifically, just the broad themes it touched on," and "Kevin is either dead or in a coma and the entity is just his own subconscious." I feel like the answer might be somewhere in between.

I think it's important that the entity is never named. It explicitly does not answer Kevin when he asks for its name. This lends some credence to it being Kevin's subconscious. Most people don't give a name to their subconscious. If you factor in my "the entity cares about Kevin despite all the things it's done" theory, that can sort of go either way. It could be that the entity is a manifestation of the neglect and turmoil in his family; it's cruel, and it still loves him (though that isn't an excuse for the cruelty.) It could be that all of what's happening in the movie is happening only in Kevin's mind. Either way, though, I don't think the entity represents just one person in Kevin's life. The entity is a concept. It has no name.

I think the time loop aspect is also overlooked a lot. This is represented via the TV rewinding "Prest-O Change-O" repeatedly and the scene where the blood splatters and un-splatters repeatedly. It seems like this is indicating the entity's ability to rewind time, starting over from the beginning to enjoy a new torture session. I suspect that's probably what the "572 days" is referring to. To be honest, though, I'm not really sure what the 572 days is referring to specifically.

I would say my headcanon theory is this: the events of the film are mostly metaphorical. Kevin was only metaphorically trapped in the house, and the entity is just his subconscious' way of processing the troubles he faced as a kid before he had the life experience to rationalize them. Either something or several things were traumatic as he was growing up, and that trauma is something he often thinks about now that he's older. The traumatic memories replay in his mind like the TV, and he imagines what might have changed if he had just done things differently. Of course, he was so young, and none of what he experienced was his fault at all. Imagining different scenarios in his head only leads to the same outcome... he would have suffered regardless of how he acted. In the end, he sees the personification of his subconscious in its true form. It isn't taking on the appearance of anyone or anything else now, and it isn't being overtly hostile in this moment. Bravely, Kevin asks it to identify itself, but it doesn't. I interpret this as him accepting that he's been carrying this trauma for years, and he's taking the first steps to recovering from it. Even if he can't put a name to the feelings he's having, he's finally able to confront them.

TL;DR I see Skinamarink as a movie about healing your inner child, and how that really is a much more painful process than some would lead you to believe.

So I watched Skinamarink last night.

[kevindayisafrog]

What if Neil never made it home? (Kevneil pain)

TW - physical abuse (choking), panic attacks, hints of suicidal thoughts, grief and loss of a MC, anxiety

“Where is he?”, Andrew’s monotone voice chilled Kevin all over, making his already rapid heart beat faster. “I-I don’t-“, Kevin put his head in his hands and let out a shaky breath. He didn’t know where Neil was and he was dreading the worst. He was holding his hand just minutes ago but the fight broke out and..Kevin let out a strangled sound and squeezed his eyes shut. “Andrew-“, Nicky’s fear made him look up in time to see Andrew marching towards him up the aisle of the bus. “Andrew, I promise I don’t know where he is”, Kevin pleaded as Andrew ran into him and grabbed his throat, “Andrew, please, I don’t-“. He let out a choked whimper as Andrew’s hands grew tighter around his neck. A million tortured moments of Riko flashed behind his shut eyes making Kevin want to disappear; run away from this place to find his Neil. “Andrew”, he tried to whisper, the name barely coming out. “Where the fuck is he?”, Andrew’s voice barely changed, his deadpan face still remaining; boring into Kevin’s memory. “His father-the butcher-“, he knew Neil would hate him for telling everyone his past, but if it would get Andrew off him, he’ll try anything. As soon as Andrew lets go he can run; he’d run faster than he ever has, until his legs break beneath him. He won’t care about the pain, he’s lived through pain his whole life, what’s a bit more? If it helps him get Neil back he’ll walk through fire, he’ll go back to the nest, he’ll kiss Riko’s feet and smile as he slowly dies. “Baltimore-the butcher of Baltimore”, Kevin closed his eyes and let a tear fall out. Who cares if the foxes see him cry? He doesn’t give a shit. They mean nothing to him. “Andrew get off him”, Matt looked between the two and wrapped his arms around Andrew’s waist, pulling to no avail, “fuck”. Kevin looked up into Andrew’s empty eyes through his blurring vision and prepared for the pain he’ll get before whispering: “please, Andrew, I can’t lose him”. Andrew’s hands grew tighter than before, making Kevin let out a laugh fueled on pain and fear. He looked over Andrew’s shoulder fleetingly as Matt, Aaron, Nicky and Coach finally pulled Andrew off; his throat bursting with a numb pain. “Kevin, sweetheart”, Abby kneeled beside him and pulled his head gently onto her lap, “if you know about Neil’s past we need you to tell us now. It’s important”. Kevin closed his eyes and swallowed through the burn in his throat, silently apologizing to Neil for his truth. “His father..is the butcher of Baltimore. He just got out-“, he pressed a hand against his mottled throat and swallowed the taste of blood, “out of prison. We need to save him”. Nicky let out an inhaled ‘fuck’ as Matt got ready to hit Kevin. “For fuck’s sake, Kevin, why didn’t you tell us before? Is that why he was scared of his own shadow? Because he was fucking running away?”, Wymack ran a hand down his face and swore. Kevin nodded and cleared his throat, “yeah, he ran away with his mom when he was eleven. But she died and..”, he shrugged and let out a pained sigh as Abby began to rub lotion onto his bruising neck. “Fucking great”, Wymack turned his back to the team and shook his head before turning to glare down at Kevin, “you should’ve told us sooner, Day. What if something has gone wrong and we’re too fucking late?” Kevin winced at his words and slowly closed his eyes; he’s been blamed for a lot of shit in his life, but Neil’s possible death stabs deeper than anything before. “I’m sorry”, he whispered, desperate for someone to believe him. “That’s not good enough right now. Everyone get in your seats”, Wymack barked as he strode to the front of the bus and sat down with a loud sigh. Kevin stood up slowly and sank into his seat, watching out of the window as his fear and anxiety choked him once again.

Kevin sunk into the corner of the hotel room and dropped his head into his hands; his left hand red raw from his anxious picking. He didn’t want to stay in this room, he didn’t care if the FBI forced them to, he needed to get out. They reassured him that Neil would be okay, but he didn’t believe them. Kevin flinched as a hand was placed on his shoulder, a gentle squeeze making him want to crawl out of his skin. “He’s going to be okay”, Abby smiled down at him and placed a gentle kiss on his temple, “I know what he means to you”. Kevin blinked up at her and tried to hold his anxious tears in; he didn’t want anyone to know what Neil meant to him. Neil was his and he was going to protect him until the day he dropped dead. “Fuck’s sake”, Wymack grumbled as a loud knock startled everyone up onto their feet. They all stood in silence as their Coach opened the door cautiously and grunted when two FBI agents walked through the door with annoyed facial expressions. “I’m Special Agent Browning and this”, the smug suited man gestured to the taller man beside him, “is my partner Special Agent Towns. We are working on the Baltimore case and can officially announce that the butcher has been executed”. He said it so proudly, so smugly that Kevin wanted to rip the man’s face off with his bare fucking hands. “But this information is not to leave this room, do you understand?”, Towns glared at each face before nodding and pulling a notebook out of his jacket pocket, “we would like some information on Nathaniel Wesninksi, the butcher’s son”. Nathaniel. That name alone brought too many bad memories up that Kevin wanted to scream. He wanted to scream that his name is Neil, he hated that name and he ran so far away to forget it; but now they’re pinning him back down with it. “His-his name is Neil”, Kevin spoke up and felt everyone’s eyes turn to him, “and I want to know where he is”. He tried to stay formal and authoritative but his voice cracked in fear. Both agents shared a small look, a silent conversation being spoken right in front of their faces, before Browning nodded and turned to face the room. “We are sorry to say that Nathaniel did not make it. Our condolences”. Kevin felt the air leave his lungs as if he’d been shot a million times in the chest. “What?”, he whispered as the Foxes turned to shoot him death glares. “For fuck’s sake, Kevin. You should’ve told us”, Matt spat as Dan physically held him back from killing Kevin. “I didn’t-he didn’t want me to, I was just-“, Kevin took a step back in instinctive fear as the Foxes began to shout over each other, each word ripping deep into Kevin’s skin that they began to merge together into a numbing ring in his ears. “He’s okay, they’re just-“, Kevin gripped his chest with his left hand and replayed all his memories with Neil, “they’re lying. He’s okay”. Browning shook his head and sighed, “I’m sorry, kid, but his father got to him before we could infiltrate the building”. Kevin fell to his knees and covered his ears, his lungs bursting in his chest. “No, he’s okay, he’s okay”, he whispered hoarsely, bile slowly creeping up his bruised throat. His ears began to ring with shouts and cries as he watched his Neil slip away behind his eyelids, the blue eyes that he fell in love with slowly closing shut to never open again.

“He’s okay”, Kevin whispered as his body began to shake, painful sobs ripping through his chest, “he’s okay”. He replayed every interaction with Neil, his body still humming with his touches, his cheeks still blushing from the soft kisses. “He’s okay, you’re lying”, he whispered though it came out barely audible, his throat burning with the bile. He felt like he was dying and he was leaning into it; hoping that this will finally be the moment where he’ll die and won’t have to live without Neil. The boy that he fell in love with the moment he saw him swagger onto the court when they were eleven. The boy that mouthed off to the press, to Riko, but would kiss him so gently; would hold him with such tenderness that it would sometimes make him want to cry. His reason to fight back who has lost the battle; who proved that life would never get better, at least not for them. He let out a wail as he felt his lungs collapse, his body shaking so much that he felt as if he were leaving it; finally being freed. “Kevin”, a blurry voice broke through the deafening ring in his ears, a voice so soft that it made his heart break more, “Kevin, sweetheart, give me your hand”. He opened his eyes slowly and blinked through the tears, his head swimming with his fight or flight reflexes. He wanted to do neither; he wanted to disappear. “Give me your hand”, Abby gently took ahold of his hand and placed it against her neck, “feel my pulse, can you feel it?” It took too much energy for Kevin to nod so he squeezed his eyes shut instead. “Good, now match my breathing, I know it’s hard but you can do it”, Abby began breathing too loudly for Kevin’s ears and he just wanted to push her away, but he tried anyway; she always makes him want to try. “Good, that great, you’re doing so well”, Abby whispered through breaths, a sad smile in her voice. “I don’t want to do it”, Kevin whispered as he felt his chest sag in defeat. “No, you’re doing great, I’m so proud”, Abby cupped his face and wiped away the tears that were infinite. Kevin shook his head and dropped his head on her shoulder, opening his eyes to watch as the other Foxes had turned their backs on him. Neil was the only one that made him want to stay here, so why did he let him go? All he had to do was hold a little tighter, but Kevin always let good things slip through his fingers, “I’m sorry”, he whispered though no one heard him.

Kevin strode onto the Ravens court with his head held and with a victory already in his grasp. “For you”, he whispered to the sky before tapping the butt of his racquet against the floor and changing hands, “you gave me your game and I won’t let you down”.