#you can like villains because they’re written well as villains and not have to make it moral

[madlyn5ever]

“Yeah she cheated, but she’s my cinnamon apple baby! Oh he cheated? Yeah I hate him now.”

How some of you sound when comparing two characters who have both cheated on their partners but you don’t want to hate the character you’ve decided is your favorite.

[everykindofnerd13]

Dude I love haikyuu so much. That’s basically my catchphrase rn. I call my friend and open the conversation with “I love Haikyuu” and proceed to wax poetic about the intricacies of Kageyama and Hinata’s relationship. Or the parallels between Oikawa and Kageyama. Or how Haikyuu is such a perfectly written story because even though we will always want more we will never feel that we are left wanting.

Haikyuu had an incredible beginning, middle, and end. Every character and arc felt intentional and essential. And at the end of the manga there is not one character who I feel needed just that little bit more development. Sure would I have liked to see more timeskip? Absolutely. Would I KILL to see Hinata’s second and third years of highschool and the evolution of the Karasuno first year’s relationship, in a heartbeat. But I don’t feel like it was necessary.

That’s what makes Haikyuu so good, every moment felt necessary and it added to the plot. Even the dumb silly little moments where they’re just teenage boys being teenage boys. I fact that ADDS to it. So much of haikyuu’s story is about Hinata is learning and growing and improving, and it’s because he is meeting and loving and encouraging. Like how do I explain this? Hinata, to me, is a character who cares so much that it forces the people around him to care.

Especially his teammates. I’m sure there are arguments to be made for other characters, but Hinata is the HEART of Karasuno. He’s literally the one who gets their blood pumping. I MEAN COME ON IN THE NATIONALS NEKOMA V KARASUNO MATCH KENMA LITERALLY DESCRIBES THE TEAM AS A GROUP OF HINATAS WHEN THEYRE PUMPED UP. He is their energy. And in return they are his support. If Hinata is the heart then they are the rest of the body. I could give you an analogy for each one but I don’t have to because you can see it, once Hinata starts pumping up, everyone else falls into their role with ease.

He is such a perfect MC and I LOVE HIM. And I LOVE HAIKYUU. AND IM SO GLAD THAT IT DIDNT GO ON FOREVER OR END WITH HUNDREDS OF UNANSWERED QUESTIONS. The fate of a story is for it to end. And the purpose of a story is for it to teach. And the desire of a story is for it to create emotion. And Haikyuu did all of these things so well. I could go on and on, I’m sure as you’ve already noticed, but it’s just because I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

I genuinely recommend Haikyuu to anyone as a first anime, it’s entertaining, it’s reasonably concise, and it’s deeply moving. Haikyuu tells a good meaningful story with action and excitement and grief and despair all without ever causing any real harm. Haikyuu creates the feeling of a villain while also giving you the gift of another perspective on the court.

It is. Amazing. I love Haikyuu. If you made it this far, thank you and good night.

[giveamadeuschohisownmovie]

Shuichi, Himiko, Keebo, and Maki represent our fave characters in general. They’ve been made aware of their existence as characters and are horrified by the way they are being written.

Tsumugi represents companies that continue to milk franchises dry because the public keeps consuming the content. They don’t care about the significance of the story, they care about what sells. So, they keep coming up with all these ridiculous storylines to keep the show going, even though it’s at the expense of the characters we love.

The DRV3 in-game fanbase is the other main villain since they’ve lost appreciation of the story. All they want is more blood and lewdness, they don’t care about the characters and their journey. The thing is, the loss in appreciation happened because the company (aka Tsumugi aka Team Danganronpa) keeps churning out content for people to consume.

So it becomes a vicious cycle of the company not understanding the significance of the story they’re telling, which makes the audience care less and less about what they’re consuming. Tsumugi LITERALLY takes the form of previous Danganronpa characters just so the audience can go, “OMG, it’s my fave character from the other game!” There’s no other reason why Makoto and Kyoko show up, they’re just there for us to cheer as cameo characters.

And how do the villains justify their treatment of the heroes? They tell them that it’s all fiction, so it doesn’t matter what they do to them. Who cares if we kill off all your favorite characters, it’s just fiction bro. You’re just there for people’s entertainment, so do what the audience wants. Say the line everyone likes, or make their favorite ship canon. It doesn’t matter how much we torture you (read: “butcher your story” / “assassinate your character”), we can do whatever we want to you since it’s all fiction anyways.

And how do our heroes fight back? They tell Tsumugi and the audience that their lives matter and that fiction can change the world. That we need to remember that the media we consume has meaning and that we shouldn’t treat it like disposable material. It doesn’t matter if they’re fictional, they matter to someone out there.

/

/

Perhaps I’ve been too harsh on V3. People were so up in arms about the game supposedly dissing the fanbase when the ending was warning us about the dangers of companies destroying their own IPs by not letting them rest, as well as toxic fanbases losing appreciation of the series they’re a fan of. And they did it by having the characters themselves speak about how their lives are being ruined by the people writing/influencing their stories.

This is straight up something Black Mirror would make. In fact, they kinda did with Bandersnatch.

Okay, it’s official. V3 is my favorite Danganronpa. It’s got a lot of flaws, but I give it props for the vision.

[grandwitchbird]

Veilguard is generally a well designed and well written game. I’m clear on what I think about DA as a whole, but it’s easily the best actual game in the franchise.

People are picking up, however, on a real critical flaw and mostly failing to locate the flaw while getting distracted by nonsense. It’s a flaw present in every DA game if you dig enough. Let’s talk about story bosses.

This is a tricky thing in arpgs. RGG and CDPR try to ensure that story bosses are densely interwoven into the world in a way that works thematically.

Adam Smasher would have been a problem in any universe; he’s just enabled and enshrined by this one. Hansen points us right back to the military industrial complex, the ghost of which we’ve spent the entire game wrestling with. Literally. All of that directs us right back to the systems in place in our cyberpunk world. It points us at our own motivations as V and interrogates our love of the power fantasy as a player.

In an RGG game, when you run down a corridor towards a boss, it’s a gauntlet. It’s there for fun and also to highlight the legendary clash that’s about to happen with reference to the Yakuza films the series started as an homage to. The boss may wait at the end or jump you, depending on their personality and goals. There will be mini bosses along the way because you’re generally fighting hierarchical organizations.

In Veilguard, our enemies wait at the end of a corridor. They’re powerful and don’t need to come to us. Ok good start, also a nod to ME. Occasionally you’re lucky and get story ‘minibosses’ that interrogate that very idea. The first warden is here to flesh out everyone’s motives and challenge us as the player. Sometimes you’re very lucky and the boss is Johanna Hezenkoss and she’s exclusively here to have clear motives that flesh out Emmrich’s arc and to cause problems because it’s fun. Most of the time, you get Aelia or whatserface Aelia 2.0 in Lucanis’s arc. Or the others I don’t remember after playing the game 5 times. Anaris? What did he even want? No I don’t mean power. What was under that? What was his motivation? Because I can explain the power-hunger in every Yakuza shithead or nationalist asshat I’ve fought in an RGG game. But Veilguard, like all of DA is avoiding real discussions of power and psychology and ~implications~.

I’m not a forgetful person. I’m meticulous and have the true blue autistic pattern recognition. I genuinely can’t say what made Aelia and Aelia 2.0 anything other than cosplay tyrants. Not without projecting onto the text or stretching it to breaking point by leaning hard on one specific short story.* Dragon guy and other antaam guy came out of literally nowhere. Mail order villains those two.

Even with our big bads, we get mere hints and gestures. Everyone is impressed with whatsisface doing a bad imitation of Bowie’s lines in Labyrinth. He’s a spirit of tyranny though. What does that mean. What makes the tyrants work in this world. And why are we cribbing from the Goblin King while carefully editing out the sucker punch?

We know the answer in the real world and can project that onto the game. But it’s not in the game. Not in a way the text doesn’t flinch from. And this is something people are picking up on. It’s also not been in any of the other games sorry to say. So this isn’t new. Veilguard just isn’t hiding behind obfuscating design choices and allusions to better stories. It’s still making those allusions (see gif above) but it’s a more honest text re: its limitations.

As with everything. The Mourn Watch and Grey Wardens stand heads and shoulders above the rest of the faction/companion-based conflicts. Their bosses have clear psychologies, motivations, and represent coherent and grounded goals (in hilariously disparate ways) Solas, likewise, has us/Rook as a mirror and his needs/wants and the conflict between those needs/wants are forefront and incredibly well developed. It’s not all bad. It’s actually quite good.

But when people flounder at surface details looking for the ‘problems’ with the writing. This is what’s getting missed. The problem is never ‘plot hole’ or ‘bad lore’. It’s something in the structure and conflict and motivation. And I’m afraid to say it’s old news with DA (Loghain is fine but the entire end of origins is an asspull. Don’t @ me). This game is much stronger than the others on that front. That would still be true if we had only Solas. We also got Johanna fingerguns Hezenkoss and the entire Grey Warden plot. I, for one, am counting that a win.

*the extended media is a critical weakness of the franchise. Referencing your own EU is not the same as entering a dialogue with an existing subgenre populated by works from diverse sources.

[racefortheironthrone]

What did you think of X-Men Blue Origins?

(I may turn this into a People's History of the Marvel Universe later today, so keep an eye on this space.)

X-Men Blue: Origins and the Power of the Additive Retcon

(WARNING: heavy spoilers under the cut)

Introduction

If you've been a long-time X-Men reader, or you're a listener of Jay & Miles or Cerebrocast or any number of other LGBT+ X-Men podcasts, you probably know the story about how Chris Claremont wrote Mystique and Destiny as a lesbian couple, but had to use obscure verbiage and subtextual coding to get past Jim Shooter's blanket ban on LGBT+ characters in the Marvel Universe.

Likewise, you're probably also familiar with the story that, when Chris Claremont came up with the idea that Raven Darkholme and Kurt Wagner were related (a plot point set up all the way back in Uncanny X-Men #142), he intended that Mystique was Nightcrawler's father, having used her shapeshifting powers to take on a male body and impregnate (her one true love) Irene. This would have moved far beyond subtext - but it proved to be a bridge too far for Marvel editorial, and Claremont was never able to get it past S&P.

This lacuna in the backstories of Kurt and Raven - who was Kurt's father? - would remain one of the enduring mysteries of the X-Men mythos...and if there's one thing that comic writers like, it's filling in these gaps with a retcon.

Enter the Draco

Before I get into the most infamous story in all of X-Men history, I want to talk about retcons a bit. As I've written before:

"As long as there have been comic books, there have been retcons. For all that they have acquired a bad reputation, retcons can be an incredibly useful tool in comics writing and shouldn’t be dismissed out of hand. Done right, retcons can add an enormous amount of depth and breadth to a character, making their worlds far richer than they were before. Instead, I would argue that retcons should be judged on the basis of whether they’re additive (bringing something new to the character by showing us a previously unknown aspect of their lives we never knew existed before) or subtractive (taking away something from the character that had previously been an important part of their identity), and how well those changes suit the character."

For a good example of an additive retcon, I would point to Chris Claremont re-writing Magneto's entire personality by revealing that he was a Jewish survivor of the Holocaust. As I have argued at some length, this transformed Magneto from a Doctor Doom knockoff into a complex and sympathetic character who could now work as a villain, anti-villain, anti-hero, or hero depending on the needs of the story.

For a good example of a subtractive retcon, I would point to...the Draco. If you're not familiar with this story, the TLDR is that it was revealed that Kurt's father was Azazel - an evil ancient mutant with the same powers and the same appearance (albeit color-shifted) as Kurt, who claims to be the devil and is part of a tribe of demonic-looking mutants who were banished to the Brimstone Dimension, and who fathered Nightcrawler as part of a plot to end this banishment.

I don't want to belabor Chuck Austen, because I think that Connor Goldsmith is right about his run actually being a camp cult classic in retrospect. However, I think we both agree that the Draco was a misfire, because of how the retcon undermined Kurt's entire thematic purpose as established in Giant-Size X-Men that Nightcrawler was actually a noble and arguably saintly man who suffered from unjust prejudice due to the random accident that his mutation made him appear to be a demon, and because of how the retcon undermined the centrality of Mystique and Destiny's relationship.

X-Men Blue Origins

This brings us to the Krakoan era. In HOXPOX and X-Men and Inferno, Jonathan Hickman had made Mystique and Destiny a crucial part of the story in a way that they hadn't been in decades: they were the great nemeses of Moira X, they were the force that threatened to burn Krakoa to the ground by revealing the devil's bargain that Xavier had struck with Sinister (and Moira), they were the lens through which the potential futures of Krakoa were explored, and they ultimately reshaped the Quiet Council and the Five in incredibly consequential ways.

This throughline was furthered after Hickman's departure, with Kieron Gillen exploring the backstories of Mystique and Destiny in Immortal X-Men and Sins of Sinister, and both Gillen and Si Spurrier exploring their relationship with Nightcrawler in AXE Judgement Day, Sins of Sinister, Way of X, Legion of X, Nightcrawlers, and Sons of X. One of the threads that wove through the interconnected fabric of these books was an increasing closeness between Kurt and Irene that needed an explanation. Many long-time readers began to anticipate that a retcon about Kurt's parentage was coming - and then we got X-Men Blue: Origins.

In this one issue, Si Spurrier had the difficult assignment of figuring out a way to "fix" the Draco and restore Claremont's intended backstory in a way that was surgical and elegant, that served the character arcs of Kurt, Raven, and Irene, and that dealt with complicated issues of trans and nonbinary representation, lesbian representation, disability representation, and the protean nature of the mutant metaphor. Thanks to help from Charlie Jane Anders and Steve Foxe, I think Spurrier succeeded tremendously.

I don't want to go through the issue beat-by-beat, because you should all read it, but the major retcon is that Mystique turns out to be a near-Omega level shapeshifter, who can rewrite themselves on a molecular level. Raven transformed into a male body and impregnated Irene, using bits of Azazel and many other men's DNA as her "pigments." In addition to being a deeply felt desire on both their parts to have a family together, this was part of Irene's plan to save them both (and the entire world) from Azazel's schemes, a plan that required them to abandon Kurt as a scapegoat-savior (a la Robert Graves' King Jesus), and to have Xavier wipe both their memories.

Now, I'm not the right person to write about what this story means on a representational level; I'll leave it to my LGBT+ colleagues on the Cerebrocast discord and elsewhere to discuss the personal resonances the story had for them.

What I will say, however, is that I thought this issue threaded the needle of all of these competing imperatives very deftly. It "fixed" the Draco without completely negating it, it really deepened and complicated the characters and relationships of both Raven and Irene (by showing that, in a lot of ways, Destiny is the more ruthless and manipulative of the two), and it honored Kurt's core identity as a man of hope and compassion (even if it did put him in a rather thankless ingénue role for much of the book).

It is the very acme of an additive retcon; nothing was lost, everything was gained.

I still think the baby Nightcrawler is just a bad bit, but then again I don't really vibe with Spurrier's comedic stylings.

[sageadvice]

[ Dragon Age: The Veilguard Spoilers ]

Well…I reached the end.

And I mostly survived.

Varric 😭

I’m not going to complain about the bits that I took issue with. It’s 3:30 am and I’m too emotional for objectivity.

I did all that work to get the Solavellan ending…and then I gave it all up to punch the egg man in the face. And I don’t regret it for a second. (Chalk it up to my Rook being a girl’s girl, I say.)

One day, I’ll reload and do the whole “secret ending” thing but my gosh, keeping Varric’s…what, spirit? Tethered between Solas and Rook through BLOOD MAGIC?? Even Merrill would not approve of this. I knew he was manipulating Rook. I thought I understood betrayal. But that…that really cemented his place as the villain in this story for me. Even to the last, he believed himself a god.

I lost Harding. That…really got to me. I sort of knew it would happen; her or Davrin, the game didn’t make some big secret of it. And, to be honest, the whole game had a lot of easily-predictable plot revelations, and I think that was one of its major strengths. You could always point out the traitor during the first conversation, and then feel that sense of “ha! I knew it.” If they’d tried too hard to subvert your expectations, it would have come across as poorly written.

I ended up being very glad that I got all the companions to Hero status, and all the factions to three stars, because that meant that I didn’t lose anyone else. It felt right, like I personally did put in those hours and make those careful choices to save those people, and they didn’t just get a free pass due to plot armor. It was all Rook.

And I did enjoy the end of Rook and Lucanis’ romance. To be honest, if that scene hadn’t been waiting for me after she got out of the veil prison, I would not have been able to keep playing. Was it enough? I think so, for Rook. I will be writing my own fanfiction embellishments though.

Scrolling back a bit, the moment in the game that first made me cry was Manfred waking up with magical powers and squealing with excitement. “Magic! Like you!” Instant waterworks. The depressing moments are never as meaningful to me as the shockingly touching ones, and Manfred embodied that sentiment wonderfully.

What else can I say? I loved it. 10/10 for me, especially after waiting 10 years. They honored Varric, and even if I’m still mad about it I guess it’s more than we got for any of our other past beloved NPCs. In my head, he’s hunting Hawke down in the Fade. One day, Cassandra will meet him there and they’ll be reborn as wisps who can dance around the Necropolis together. Emmrich will make sure they’re properly cared for.

[automaticheartcrusade]

What I like about Charles Coven is the “there’s only one thing I value more than treasure, my own life”- line. Because this is telling us that he’s not your typical greedy money hungry man who gets off to the thrills and will say “fuck all” just cause he’s in power, he’s actually smart and won’t make a dumb decision that’ll threaten his life. I know we haven’t seen much of him yet, but I can’t help but like that about him since most mean powerful greedy character archetypes in media are so reckless. And here’s the thing, Charles should honestly be a boring character since the spooky rich man trope isn’t anything special, (I mean come on, his motivation is wanting all the money in the world), but that one line of dialogue adds something interesting to him. He seems like the kind of guy to play his cards right and not do anything stupid. If he has to accept defeat and step down, he will, as seen at the end of Yellow Jacket, where he could have easily told one of his men to fire at Ethan, but chose not to, like…even if it’s just for the plot, it’s a character decision that makes sense.

On top of that, Charles is just so fucking intimidating man, because he’s well acted and well written. What makes him terrifying is his calm demeanor. He never yells or overreacts and that’s why he’s scary, cause instead of yelling at you, he’ll calmly threaten you with a wide smile. He mostly talks in this friendly manor, but in a passive aggressive way, and he’ll only appear as nice to lure you in and get what he wants from you. Literally the “welp! You’ll never see him again! :P” is the best scene. And I absolutely love it when villains are written like this. They aren’t shying away that he’s a bad guy, but they’re also not hitting you on the head with him. He’s not like Hidgens or Linda where he’s this unhinged and loud person, he’s not even like Wilbur Cross despite people comparing them. He’s just….Charles, a man you should fear and not trust at all, cause he is only using your for his own personal gain. I mean this guy literally has the power to THREATEN the president of the United States and get away with it. And the fact that he flat out told Bill that he wants everyone under his foot, how outward he is about his power hungry ways but can keep his job as head of CCRP is terrifying. And the fact that he’s after Lex and Hannah is terrifying. HE’S JUST TERRIFYING BUT ALSO A SILLY BEAN AND I LOVE HIM.

[okaystoptellingmetomakeanaccount]

I feel like saying this again but having it in an actual like proper post written down messily for now, so that’s what I’m doing, with confusing hopefully still grammatically correct somehow sentences included.

Scrooge’s treasure hunts are about adventure btw. Not about the treasure. Adventure is the real treasure in the end.

But Scrooge is still greedy. He shouldn’t go on adventure for the sake of it. There needs to be a treasure incentive for him to go. Look. Wait.

(I’m gonna say all a lot, and such superlative things, but I’m talking about the stories from authors that today are seen as most important)

When you look at the older treasure hunts, the thing that most people remember is awesome Scrooge goes to far away place to get rare stuff that’s worth lots. But like what many people seem to forget about a large majority of the classic stories, is that Scrooge doesn’t get the treasure. People think back and remember a successful and fun adventure, so one might assume that the treasure was also gotten, but that’s almost never the case. The classic (think around to before 70s) Donald Duck comics operate very very heavily on a continuing thread of irony and satire, arguably more so than later. The point in every adventure is that it’s never what you expect. You go looking for a cheap magical defense, and find yourself paying your nephew a proper salary. You go looking for a great medicine, and end up with thousands of dollars spend, and all the medicine spilled (and in the Scarpa twist, also accidentally smuggled jewelry). Or of course, you go looking for paradise, and end up inventing capitalism.

People seem to have kinda forgotten that this was once the norm. Nowadays you get stories where writers think they’re clever by saying: “Oh, no, Scrooge can’t take this treasure. It belongs to the government of the country he is in.” And like that’s nice, but also, that’s not a thing that should be worth pointing out.

The most famous offender of this crime is Rightful Owners, which, to be fair to Rightful Owners, is a DuckTales (look i capitalized ducktales right for once) comic, where I think this does happen, but also, to be fair to my wumblr post, it’s trying really hard to be a Barks sequel as well because Warren Spector (yeah the Epic Mickey guy) was a big fan of Barks. So you’ll get Webby telling everyone how bad Scrooge is, and it feels kinda redundant. And then the ending of that story is pretty weird as well.

But if I think about it again, what Rightful Owners does do is portray Scrooge as very unwilling to agree with Webby. He doesn’t think that the times that he did steal stuff, he was in the wrong. Because that’s the other part. Even when he gets the treasure and is basically stealing from the local population, that’s fine, because Scrooge isn’t a good person. I guess the closest you can get in tropey terms for such a situation is that specific scene makes him a villainous protagonist, but that’s not really the point. There are no hero’s or villains in ba sing se, with which I mean Duckburg, is the point.

Scrooge’s treasure hunts are about adventure, but only for us. The treasure being gained isn’t the point of the story. The story hasn’t ‘succeeded’ when the Ducks find the chest with golden coins. But it is the point for the character. The treasure hunts work because Scrooge is a greedy guy who is fine with doing that kind of stuff. The story has succeeded for him when the chest with golden coins is found.

And of course, this all comes together in the end when I say the new Ducktales does this wrong. Sorry, I did it again, this is where it all leads to in the end huh. I was in the mood okay. Ducktales bad again.

Scrooge in DT17 doesn’t find the treasure that important. He does it for the adventure. It’s to show that he’s actually not that much of a greedy bad person. But he also doesn’t mind taking stuff that’s not his. So, like, uhm.

DT17!Scrooge does often succeed, because that’s how Ducktales is. It has satire, but it’s not drenched in irony, it’s not Guido Martina writing the show. That’s not a critique of course, in case someone would think that for some reason. But DuckTales doesn’t do downer endings (last crash isn’t a downer ending it’s setup for the next episode), so you’re missing the whole part where Scrooge’s treasure hunts fail. The adventure is important, and so the adventure is what Scrooge finds important, and so if he never fails, then the adventure never fails. It’s looking at it from a completely Watsonian perspective. Adventure should only ever be the real treasure from a Doylist perspective. The comics don’t treat succeeding in the character’s goal as succeeding in having written a good story. And i had set up some other points to cycle back to in this part, but i forgot what they were because I’m stupid, so this is just kinda the point you’ll have to live with for now. I might finish this if I remember again.

[rodentontheloose]

Fuck it.

If you hate on Rashta and call her Trashta, you’re kind of totally missing the point. Is she a person who has done some really bad, really fucked up and selfish things? 100%. But I’m real tired of people reducing her to a greedy homewrecker because she is a FASCINATING character.

Like girly literally found the one way the escape slavery and took it. You can really see it in S1, the way her text bubble change to be cutesy and flowery when she talks to Sovieshu, her bubbly attitude, etc. Sovieshu does not get nearly enough hate for the way he infantilized and idealized Rashta into a younger, more naive version of Navier because he didn’t like how serious and mature Navier was (because she’s an ADULT), and how he blamed all of their fertility problems on Navier and threw her away so he could have an heir rather than work with both of them to find a solution.

She’s desperate and the pressure she has to be a good empress, a good mother, and to keep herself from being found out is actually driving her mad, and it’s really tragic to see how Sovieshu is willing to just… let her lose her mind. Because it serves him to get rid of his accident wife. And like she’s suffered so much that she’s lashing out to make others suffer as well, and she so desperately needs help to stay afloat. She’s by no means a good person; she’s ordered deaths, she lies, and she is fully willing to hurt others to get her way. But she’s also trapped in a snake pit where no one has ever been willing to help her out. If anything, it’s understandable WHY she so easily hurts others.

Sovieshu is the real villain to me. He threw away a perfectly happy marriage and married someone because she was pretty and childlike and reminded him of his actual wife without even talking to his actual wife. He then tossed Rashta into the deep end, unable to even really READ, and expected her to sit quietly while her heritage and legitimacy as a concubine and later empress was called into question. Sovieshu completely ignores Rashta and her needs at times in S3, treating her like she’s some horrible problem thrust upon him and not the mother of his (supposed) child who he consciously divorced his wife for. He schemed to have Glorym taken away from Rashta permanently because she was suffering from PPD and the trauma of having believed to have lost her first child. And yet Rashta is wrong for having these issues in the first place?

It bugs me how people are willing to extend every grace to Navier and Heinrey but not even a moments thought to Rashta. Nobody considers that Navier runs a nation that allows slavery, and we never hear her thoughts and opinions about it beyond that she knows it exists. Heinrey sabotaged an entire nation’s mages in order to set himself up to start a war to conquer it. They are by no means perfect people, and yet there is no additional thought about the implications and characters of these two because they’re “the good guys.”

In conclusion, Rashta is a really well written, truly interesting character, but she gets so much undeserved criticism because she’s the “rival” and yall are really doing her a disservice. She is definitely deserving of some criticism, as she is definitely not a good person, but she is not greedy or outright evil. Her spiral is real, and she’s a very full and interesting character—and a great foil to Navier. I hoped maybe Ep. 173 would help some of yall haters to see the Rashta Truther Light but here we are.

[perplexingly]

Ok so you like self destructive tragic characters right. Self inflicted trauma on top of external trauma type stuff. (I've been thinking about Anders lately and you described him this way and I. can't stop thinking about it.) Can you elaborate on this type of characterization and what exactly makes a character written this way successful and not come off as just incompetent, frustrating or pure evil? I've found myself keeping an eye out for more characters like this but I haven't found any more that aren't shoved squarely in the "evil villain" box both by their source material and their fandom. As a character creator myself I'd love to write more characters like that and given how much you seem to appreciate them I'd love to hear your input. (Hope this ask isn't too weird, I just love well rounded characters that don't fit the status quo and I'll take that wherever I can get it.)

(Also, I've been replaying Skyrim recently before getting back into DA and once again our gaming interests have somehow realigned and all your posts about Enderal are tempting me to try it myself. I'm curious what mods you use, if any beyond Enderal itself? Your posts are the first I've heard of it so I'm not sure if it's even recommended to use mods lol, but I thought it was worth the ask)

Hello! Yes I love characters like that, but I’m afraid I won’t give you the analysis you need, I don’t have many thoughts in my head…

I think that characters like these do come off as all these things you mentioned (just look at all the Anders discourses around, or how Hamlet is perceived as indecisive and pathetic, Captain Ahab as insane, and Victor Frankenstein as “the real monster”), but regardless are still compelling, maybe because they often have very strong convictions, embody that “road to hell is paved with good intentions” proverb? Some of them are also just straight up charismatic (and often kind too!) and it’s easy to like that, though I don’t think that’s a necessary trait to find them interesting. (Anders came off as charming in Awakening as well, but then again, I liked the way he acted in DA2 more). Oh another thing is that they’re almost always the thing that moves the story forward.

Of the top off my head I can think mostly of self destructive characters in classic literature but I’m sure every media and every time period has plenty. Besides previously mentioned I’d also consider characters such as Captain Nemo (by the end of the story at least, for the most part he’s presented as noble and high-functioning), Jekyll of Jekyll&Hyde, Marlowe’s Faust (this one is 100% self inflicted without much external tragedy), any protagonist of any Dostoevsky book, maybe Balladyna (she’s a villainess akin to Macbeth though), maybe Orestes and Electra

Oh for modern works, definitely Captain Flint from Black Sails, Tolkien’s Turin (though there is a literal curse on his family line), Mrs Danvers from Rebecca, maybe Fitz from RotE (though he is more passive than any other character I listed here). I’m sure there are much better examples, it was all off the top of my head though :D

About Enderal, yesss I recommend it highly!! I didn’t use any mods, but there’s a bunch on Nexus (it has a separate page from Skyrim, though I believe Skyrim mods should work as well??). Enderal is more akin to a stand alone game than a mod though, for me it took 60hrs to beat and I didn’t do all of the side quests/didn’t meet all of the named npcs 🥹

Also, good luck with your endeavors!!

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

you don't have to answer this if you don't want to but what do you think about Yuu who alr knows Disney and is a bit of a better strategist than canon!Yuu? Like this Yuu would know from the first dream-vision they had that they mirror reality the next day and so whenever they wake up the next day after having these dreams and write down IMMEDIATELY about what happened and try to correlate it as much as they can to reality so they can strategize this way?? Added bonus if they know they're perceived as a weak, helpless magicless student and use it to their advantage so that others constantly underestimate them too!!

Well firstly, I think someone has most likely written this kind of fanfiction before. It’s pretty common to “novelize” the main story but specifically featuring one’s own Yuu variant and/or to do a “fix” or canon divergent story. Not my thing so I just skip over those, but I’m certain I’ve at least skimmed fic summaries of this nature.

Secondly, I don’t think it would make sense narratively (even for a more intelligent and proactive Yuu that has knowledge of Disney lore) to automatically suspect that their dreams correlate with real life events and that they should be alert for parallels. It’s assuming a lot of them, including that they’d have the hindsight before their first dream that their dreams are somehow prophetic. (I’m not counting time travel or time loop theory here, only what we know is canon right now.) That’s not really strategizing then, it’s jumping the gun and assuming that they’re a seer without enough cause to believe in it. Has this happened before to them in their original world? But dreams are rarely ever so closely associate with the things playing out 1:1 in the waking world. Why would Yuu develop this belief then??? I think they’d realistically start putting the pieces together maybe book 3 because 1 time (book 1) may just be coincidence + they wouldn’t be suspicious of anything, 2 times (book 2) is establishing a pattern, and then 3 times (book 3) would be enough times to firmly establish said pattern. It wouldn’t happen right off the bat.

I also feel like this kind of Yuu would not work for the current (canon) story TWST wants to tell. Having all of this information and/or going out of their way to prevent things from happening because of their foresight might just cascade into many events not playing out at all, even if only halfway through the main book. It means they’d be highly wary of many characters and could successfully avoid the pitfalls they glimpse in their dreams. They could seek out the “villains” of their dreams, deduce the issue, smooth things out sooner, prevent OBs altogether. Very, very different events might play out. (And if the main story manages to stay roughly the same in spite of all the measures this Yuu takes, then what was the point of telling it all with this intentional smarter and more actionable Yuu to begin with???) Diverging from canon happens all the time in fan creations, as I’ve said earlier—and again, there’s nothing wrong with this. I just don’t know of this would “work” with the current set up without deviating considerably at a certain point.

As for Yuu being perceived as a “weak, helpless magicless student” who “uses it to their advantage so others underestimate them too”… I feel like this is already done in canon, but very subtly and definitely relies a lot on player interpretation of what “kind” of Yuu they want to be. It’s already implied that Yuu is the strategist for battles, so they offer support in this way. Additionally, many characters recognize them for talents which lie beyond their magicless status. This includes the headmaster, who declares that Yuu has the makings of a beast tamer, and Rook, who gives Yuu the nickname “Trickster” for their cleverness. I believe that Yuu was even chosen to go for the harp in Beans Day because Jade was aware that the Monsters would underestimate Yuu and prioritize going after him, who is the more obvious threat. The world and its characters seem to constantly be telling us about Yuu’s strengths outside of a magical context, but they leave how Yuu actually makes use of their helplessness open ended for players to project as they like onto them.

It’d definitely be interesting to see a Yuu that leans into and plays up their weaknesses, but I also think that it would require a skilled writer to successfully pull that off. If not done well, the Yuu may come off as more whiny/desperate or too pompous and locked in their own self-aggrandizing head space. Maybe we’ll get a Yuu that strategizes with their deliberate helplessness in a future installment of the manga? Could be interesting!

[yes-these-obsessions-are-healthy]

The biggest missed opportunity with the Dalish was completely abandoning the potential plot point set up by Trespasser and Tevinter Nights that Dalish and city elves were leaving and traveling to seek out the Dread Wolf. The reason for this scrapped plot point is essentially “We didn’t want to write the marginalized group as being the villains. The Dalish decide not to because the gods are so obviously evil.”

You fools. You cowards.

You could have totally written some Dalish/city elves as putting their trust and faith into Solas, and yes, be aligned as antagonists/obstacles to Rook and co. Oppression and marginalization can make people turn to extreme, dangerous, and self-destructive measures in the fight for their dignity and rights. Solas and Dread Wolf agents freed slaves in this time, you’re telling me they wouldn’t feel grateful and inspired to help him after that?

Posing the anti-god Dalish Veil Jumpers against the Agents of Fen’Harel would have been a marvelous exploration of how oppression can produce widely diverging philosophies and perspectives. “We will follow Solas as our ancestors did to liberate all elves” and “He is freeing slaves and making moves that are scaring the humans, something the Dalish and city elf elders haven’t been able to accomplish”.

But of course the twist would be that Solas is using these people to help him bring about the end of modern Thedas. He is weaponizing their faith and fervor for his own ends, conveniently withholding the reality that it’s very well that the number of dead will be incalculable, but they must hold strong because a world revolution isn’t bloodless and that “the ends justify these harrowing means”.

By shying away from exploring that, yes, sometimes the marginalized do fucked up things and end up following false prophets in their desperation for liberation (but those mistakes do not exclude them from that liberation), they painted a boring monolith that all elves not only know about the situation with the Evanuris being powerful mages, but they’re assholes that no one should bother listening to.

You created this indigenous ethnoreligion, revealed it to be based on lies, and then removed the opportunity to showcase the inevitable scenario where certain fervent believers would align themselves with the “god(s)” regardless out of misguided belief that their second coming means that the resurrection of the Elvhen empire has come, and/or because accepting the revelation that you’ve been worshipping slavers and put their slave marks on your face is too painful for some to bear.

We’ve been forced to swallow the Venatori’s vague pursuit of restoring Tevinter supremacy, why not explore the insanity that some people invariably fall into when they overcorrect the feeling of inferiority by going all in with supremacy?

Again, these themes would all lead back to Solas, the master puppeteer strategically preying on the hearts and minds of the oppressed, offering salvation and purpose and the dream of a future in one hand while holding a knife behind his back in the other. He pities them, he sympathizes with them, he mourns their suffering in his abstract, idealistic way. But he uses them even still, as a general uses his soldiers as cannon fodder. They do not realize what he is ultimately planning or its true cost. Some are so spiteful they wouldn’t care. Others cannot bear the thought of another betrayal. Yet others would gladly sacrifice themselves if it meant others in a next life would see Elvhen glory.

So, so, so many things that could’ve been done with this very thing they themselves set up, but instead of expending an iota of effort that could display they learned from their previous Western chauvinistic attempts at writing fantasy indigenous politics, they decided to completely forgo it. And then made the Qunari all savage-like again.

[olympeline]

Been thinking about why I found Arthur in the Dark so impressive and it made me realise something kinda significant. Something significant that I’m going to put under a read more because it revolves around a heavy subject. So I wouldn’t advise looking beyond the cut if you’re sensitive to that kind of thing.

Less important, but everything below is a big spoiler and, guys seriously. If you like USUK and can handle darker fiction - no pun intended - give AitD a try. Don’t spoil yourself here. Go try it first and then come back if you’re interested. Try it if you’re neutral on USUK. Or, heck, even if USUK is a ship you dislike but isn’t an outright NOTP. I’d still recommend checking out this comic. Arthur in the Dark is still worth a read in my opinion. It’s that good. But enough gushing. Read on for the meat of this post.

Ready? Here we go: Arthur in the Dark has one of the best depictions of rape I’ve ever seen in a piece of media. “Best” as in most skillfully crafted for narrative purposes. Honestly and truly. Not even kidding. Which is kind of amazing considering it’s a depiction that came from a fan comic based on a jokey, anime gag series. Why do I feel this way? A couple of reasons:

Firstly, the rape in AitD is frighteningly, tragically realistic. Something the majority of fictional rapes are not. We tend to think of rape as taking place in a dark alley in the inner city. Stereotyping up a scene of a bottom feeder, criminal man dragging a (young, attractive) woman away to violate her. They’re usually total strangers and it’s always violent. These kind of rapes do happen, but statistics tell us they’re the minority. The majority of rapes happen like the one in AitD did: between two people who know each other well. Friends, romantic couples, even family members, make up the bulk of rapists and their victims.

Most narratives prefer the less common type of rape. Usually because the creator doesn’t want to tell a story about rape. Not really. What they want is a gut-punch to add easy drama and darkness to their creation. The sliding scale of “irredeemable bad guy” roughly goes: murderer → cold blooded torturer → rapist → child rapist. Making a villain a rapist is one of the worst things he - because 99% of the time it’s a he - can be. Conversely having a character be raped gains them instant sympathy because people are moral and empathetic creatures at heart. Most creators know this and throw in a rape for the shorthand: “Look how evil our villain is!” Which often makes the rape and its aftermath feel artificial. In no small part because the rapist characters, by virtue of being written to be the worst of the worst, don’t come off as very human. They can’t be when their main purpose is to be loathed by the audience. I could go on because there’s tons more to unpack about rape in fiction, but you get the point.

The rape in AitD isn’t like that. America and England know and love each other. Their relationship is complicated (oh boy, is it ever!) but that part of it is never in doubt. They’re each other’s most treasured person and have been for centuries. They’re not a duo made up of a flat, hate bait, villain on a collision course with their victim. Who’s doomed to suffer and be pitied until the creator decides the audience has had enough of their trauma and shuts it away so the story can move on. America and England are two people living together, going through a period of immense change and stress, trying to manage as best they can, and sometimes getting it very wrong. From a narrative point of view, this makes what happens between them so much better and so much more upsetting at the same time.

Which brings me nicely to reason number two of why this particular rape works: the build up. Like everything else in AitD, America raping England is carefully planned out and set up. The chocolate bar scene, man. Brilliant, I have to say. Alarming, uncomfortable, and brilliant. The scene in the garden is not just sprung on the reader for a jarring “Oh no! Oh shit-!” moment. If your typical under written rape is a cheap jump scare, the rape in AitD is a carefully crafted slowburn dread. Early on we start to become aware we’re building to something bad. From the foreshadowing, the art, the atmosphere, etc. We just know a storm is coming. It’s done without America acting OOC too, which is very important. It’s how he can come back from what he did. Something that would be impossible if the author didn’t handle this setup well. America’s actions aren’t right, but they are understandable. That’s the crucial distinction. The psychology of the whole thing is so very well done. America was in love with England and had been for a long time. The guilt he felt tormented him because of what their relationship was in the past. Caught between his human side and his immortal one. The guilt helped keep America in check because he didn’t want England seeing the lustful way he’d begun to look at him. Then they started living together and England was suddenly vulnerable. Vulnerable in more ways than America was aware. Which is another vital detail of how the creator keeps America sympathetic, but more on that in a moment. England willingly went blind so he wouldn’t have to see when America - the man grown from the child he raised - looked at him with lust. The guilt America felt peaked, only to clash with the realisation that he could freely indulge in his fantasies. Indulge and push (again, chocolate bar scene) now the usual moral restraint - England seeing his desire - was removed.

Meanwhile, England himself felt that same guilt but his was also laced with panic and despair. He didn’t want to lose or strain his relationship with the most important person of his centuries long life. Pulled between human standards of morality and the very inhuman existence of nation-people. Incidentally the clash between their existence as humans, while also being something more than human, is brilliantly done in AitD. It’s something that’s hard to get right - especially involving such taboo topics - but Hotama nails it. USUK usually handwaves the implications around England raising America, but here it’s made part of the narrative. Part of the tragedy, part of the resolution. Good stuff. Anyway, England begged Arthur to take his sight away so he wouldn’t have to see the way America looked at him. Then banished Arthur back into the dark in an attempt to run away from his problems. But without Arthur - without his strength - England couldn’t stand up to America when he needed to. Not that America was aware of any of this because he never knew about Arthur. Which brings me to point three: nuance of blame.

“Blame” is a very loaded word in this context, so I’ll do my best to talk about this carefully. Rape in the media is almost always black and white. Absolutely evil, irredeemable rapist. Absolutely blameless, sympathetic victim. But real life isn’t always that simple. Obviously the rapist is always the perpetrator and the one most in the wrong. I need to make that very clear. But the scene in AitD illustrates that sometimes a victim could have done more to help themselves. Not always, but sometimes. This is a delicate subject so I hope you understand I’m not trying to victim blame. Just saying that rape, like all crimes, doesn’t always deal in absolutes. Unlike media, real life is often complicated and tragic. Good people can give in to temptation. Be weak, do bad things, or allow those bad things to happen. England told America to stop, but failed to follow it up when needed. When America pushed for more and used England’s own words to argue he’d already been given consent, that was when England needed to push back. Interpretation comes in here but, personally, I think if England had told America to stop when prompted, America would have. But England didn’t and he gave in instead. Something America took as a tacit “yes.” Again, not right, but understandable in how it could happen. Their power imbalance had grown extreme, stress and feelings were running high, they were struggling to connect as they used to, England’s prior cowardice and separation from Arthur prevented him from being strong when he needed to be, America was ignorant of his problem, and it all came together in a horrible, tragic mistake. All throughout, the rape continued to be brilliantly, awfully realistic. America not noticing - either genuinely or from denial - that England was not enjoying what was happening. England quickly becoming too distracted by the pain to do anything other than focus on enduring it. Then the aftermath where America didn’t realise what he’d just done due to coming down from a post-sex, post-stress euphoria. Awful, miserable, horrifying, tragic, perfectly crafted scene.

Which brings me to my final reason why this comic impressed me in its depiction of rape: where the story goes from there. Where it goes and how the narrative builds from the rape instead of trying to move on because the “shocking” part is over and now we’re in diminishing returns. Going back to my first point, too many stories see rape as something that happens in an isolated part of the narrative. It happened, it was shocking and brutal, now it’s done and we can move on because we didn’t plan to interweve the rape with the rest of the story. So we won’t give it the weight it needs. At best the victim might get a few scenes expressing their trauma later on - maybe a callback or two - but that’s it. It’s shallow. Plenty of fictional rapes could be replaced with a savage beating and nothing would change. In the worst cases you could remove the rape, not replace it with anything, then run the story with minimal problems. Not so in AitD. There, the rape isn’t just another semi-important plot point. It’s a crucial one which couldn’t be replaced with anything else. The whole first part of the story, the engine of the narrative, is built around America and England failing to deal with their changing relationship. A relationship between a pair of humans who also happen to be strange, immortal beings that ordinary humans can’t understand. Changing from platonic/familial to romantic over hundreds of years. With romance comes lust. Lust can be perfectly healthy just like any other bodily appetite. In this case it became twisted by circumstance, and the only “suitable” narrative payoff was rape. Nothing else would have had the necessary impact.

Then there’s how the rape compares to the final sex scene in some classic narrative juxtaposition. The final sex scene which happens to be the only one in the comic that’s fully consensual on both sides. The one that goes beyond sex and becomes real, honest to goodness lovemaking. It’s a perfect contrast. The rape scene had all the trappings of a classic romance. Right down to it being their first time and taking place in a rose garden. But it’s tragic, horrifying, and deeply unsexy. Then, near the end of their story, America and Arthur get lost on their road trip and have sex in their car. Their crappy, cramped car, where they’re surrounded by ordinary luggage, both of them sweaty and a little cranky with each other after a long day. It’s awkward, ordinary, imperfect and gorgeous. If we didn’t have the rape before to show us the nadir of this relationship, the healing and the dawn that came after wouldn’t be half so meaningful. A very strange thing to say without context, but it was a perfectly done rape that gave the audience the payoff of perfectly done lovemaking. It’s no small feat to get a reader to cheer for a romantic resolution after all of the above. Kind of in awe of Hotama’s skills, I tell you what.

Up to this point and I don’t know what else there is to say other than, geez. This comic, man. Blew me away. I’m so happy I rediscovered my interest in Hetalia if for no other reason than I got to read Arthur in the Dark. I’m a bit of a bookworm in my spare time and I’ve read quite a lot of classic literature over the years. Classic literature with rape scenes not crafted half so well as AitD did. Really think about that. An amateur fan comic based on a jokey gag series about national personifications being silly with each other. Did better at something than the books we hold up as the best of the best. Can’t really say anything else than that is genuinely bloody amazing

[train-wrecc]

Nobody Gets Me

marcus baker x bestfriend!female!reader

warnings!: hunter-bashing?, a slap?, curse words, I think that’s it…

word count: 6.3k

unedited!

。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

You and Marcus had been friends since the second grade. You and your family had moved to Wellsbury in the middle of the school year, leaving you to have to deal with the difficulty of making friends. 

When you first arrived in the town, your mom instantly became friends with your next-door neighbor, known as Ellen. Your mother had gone on about how her new friend had twins your own age. Your parents let you pick out your own room, you chose the one with a large bay window in it, which happened to be facing another window. Your small eight-year-old self sat on the seat of the bay window, taking in the large tree beside your home. 

Suddenly a boy appeared in the window across from your own, he made his way over to the window, now facing you. His face was filled with curiosity and slight annoyance. It was as if he was called by someone, because before he turned to walk away he saluted you, then ran off. 

Seconds later your parents called you downstairs as well. 

“Honey, our neighbors invited us over for dinner earlier, let’s head over and when we get back we can finish setting your room up.” Your mother explained, gaining a nod in response from you.

It was then that you were first introduced to Marcus Baker. 

The dinner was filled with you sitting quietly, Marcus making sarcastic remarks, sign language, and Maxine Baker talking everyone’s heads off.

The following Monday would be your first day at your new school in Wellsbury. Your mom had prepared you a special lunch, filled with your favorite snacks, and paired with your favorite meal. 

The day had gone smoothly until recess hit. You had barely grabbed the little race cars you had decided to play with before they were abruptly snatched out of your hand, “Hey! I was gonna play with that!!” You told the person who had rudely snatched the toy away from you. You turned to face them being met with none other than Marcus Baker. 

“Give it back, Marcus!” You shrieked at the boy in anger.

“No, race cars are for boys.”

“No, they’re not! Give me it!” You whined, arms crossed. 

“Make me!” The boy teased you as he stuck his tongue out at you, running off to the playground.

Of course, you were not about to let some boy treat you like that, so you ran after him. Marcus made you chase him around the playground as you shouted at him, and he laughed continuously until he tripped in the sand of the playground. You took this as your chance to take your toy back. You snatched the little race car from his hands, grabbed some sand, and threw it in his hair before your hand formed a little fist and hit him in the arm. 

Marcus let out another annoying laugh, before the following remark left his mouth, “You hit like a girl!”

This caused you to become even more upset at the boy, who had wasted half your recess and stole the toy you were going to play with. Your response was to muster all the strength you had and hit him again. This time he wasn’t laughing, “Ow!” He cried out.

You let out a “Hmmph” as you stared at the boy who was clutching his arm, a satisfied smile on your face. Your dad had taught you well. 

The boy looked up at you, and your satisfied smile was returned with a matching grin, causing your own to falter. 

“Why are you smiling at me like that?” You questioned the boy, sass dripping from the words you spoke. 

“Wanna be friends?” He asked with a villainous giggle.

“I just hit you, and you wanna be friends?” Confusion was written all over your face.

“Well yeah, your second punch actually kinda hurt, so I need you as my friend now.” He laughed.

You thought it over for a second, “Sure,” You shrugged.

You held your hand out to help Marcus up, he accepted the gesture, albeit he pulled you into the sand, causing you to yelp in shock. “Hey!” You shouted at him as he burst into laughter, before throwing sand at you.

“Now, we're even.” He smirked at you, before getting up and helping you up as well.

“Fine, let’s hurry up and play, you already wasted half of our recess!” You told him off as you both walked to a nearby bench.

。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

You were abruptly woken up from your sleep to hands shaking your shoulders.

“Get up loser, or we’re gonna be late.” You heard Marcus say before you had even opened your eyes.

“Shut up.” You responded before turning away from him.

“I got you your favorite,” He told you, as he walked over to the other side of your bed, you were now met with him shoving a drink in your face.

That was all it took for you to sit up. “Alright come on, I do not want another detention with Mr. Peterson.” 

“Fine,” You sighed, getting up from the comfort of your queen bed. 

You went to your bathroom, quickly doing your daily morning routine, before walking back into your room, Marcus sitting on your bed, back against the headboard. 

“Hand me my phone, please,” You said, Marcus handing it to you.

You turned your phone on, and 6:00 was read on the screen. “Marcus you’re fucking with me, we still have like 2 hours until school starts.” You rolled your eyes at your best friend.

“Exactly, you take forever to get ready, Y/n, you can’t even lie. Now hurry up and start getting ready before we really are late.” He waved a hand at you. 

You ignored the boy, heading downstairs, and were greeted by your parents in the kitchen. 

“Morning sweetheart your mom made breakfast,” He nodded toward the two plates on the island, before he kissed your cheek, which brought a smile to your lips.

“Morning, and thank you, Mom,” You hugged her, before grabbing the two plates and making your way upstairs and back to your room. Marcus practically lived at your house, rather than his own which was a couple of feet away, and your parents knew this. You and Marcus had been attached at the hip since you were younger, nothing being able to break your friendship. You figured Marcus always stayed over at your house because you guys were inseparable, but also because Maxine annoyed the shit out of Marcus with her need to always be the center of attention.

Marcus had already turned on the tv, your guy's favorite show playing as he sat on your now-made bed, one of your bed trays unfolded over his lap, as he waited for his plate. 

You placed your own plate on your makeup vanity, placing his on the tray, “Thanks, bub”

You respond with an “mhm” as you took a seat at your vanity nibbling at your breakfast while you apply your makeup, occasionally glancing at the tv.

Once you had finished your makeup, you rummaged through your closet looking for something to wear. 

You had shown Marcus the two outfits you had been debating on wearing, “Which one do you think?”

“Mmm, the second one, it brings out your eyes.” He said with a small smile.

“Alright,” You murmured, heading to the bathroom to change.

As you looked at the time it was 8 o’clock. 

“Shit, we gotta go.” 

Marcus and you made your way downstairs, bidding your parents goodbye, and getting into your car. Marcus had gotten a motorcycle a couple of months ago but didn’t have his license. You were older than him by a few months, so you’d already had your license.

As the both of you got settled into the car, Marcus connected to the Bluetooth, playing the playlist he’d made for you, which consisted of some songs he liked, and a majority of the songs were ones that he knew you liked. 

As you drove you could feel Marcus’s eyes on you. When you were stopped at a red light you turned to him, “What?” 

“What do you mean?” He questioned you, eyebrows raised in confusion.

“I can feel you staring at me, you weirdo.” You laughed.

“You wish,” He scoffed, a smirk on his face. “No, but I was just thinking about how you don’t even really need makeup, I mean you look good with it, but you also look good without it.” He said with a clear of his throat, before turning to look out the window.

“Oh, thanks…” You said, turning to face the road ahead of you as you felt your heart flutter at his words.

You pulled into the school parking lot, driving around like a crazed maniac as you looked for a parking spot, “I told you we were gonna be late.”

“We still have like 2 minutes,” You said, as you pulled into a parking spot.

“Yeah, and our classes are like halfway across campus.” 

“Shut up, we're wasting time.”

。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

You met with Marcus at your usual lunch table, which was isolated from the rest of the tables. The table sat right under a big oak tree, whereas the other tables were a long way from it. You walked through the grass field until you made it to the table where Marcus sat scribbling in his sketchbook. 

“Hey, what are you drawing?” 

“Holy fuck, you scared the shit out of me, Y/n!” His hand flew to his chest, as you laughed at the boy.

“Sorry, you must’ve been really focused,” You murmured before taking a bite of your lunch. 

You reached over the table to try and get a look at his sketch but before you could he slammed the book shut. 

“Alright,” You said, returning to your spot on the opposite end of the table. 

It was quiet for a moment as you both ate, however you interrupted it with a question, “Who was it, Padma?”

Marcus looked up at you, eyebrows drawn together in confusion. “What no, it was no one.” He responded and you knew not to press him any further about it.

“And how do you even know about me and Padma?” 

“I mean it’s pretty obvious, Marcus, for example, that hickey on your collarbone, I’m not stupid.” You said with raised eyebrows. 

“I never said you were.” He responded gruffly. 

You bit back a response, “And it’s none of your business either way.” He muttered with a shake of his head.

You purse your lips, unsure of how to respond. 

“And me and Padma are nothing compared to you and Hunter.” He said which caused a scoff to fall from your lips.

“You’re insane Marcus Baker. Hunter and I are just friends.”

“Yeah, like me and Padma are just friends.” 

You shook your head at his response, “Just like you were ‘friends’ with all the girls before Padma.”

You knew he and Padma had been seeing each other for a while now, but you’d never brought it up because you wanted Marcus to tell you. He had slowly been spending less and less time with you, always running off to do god knows what with her. However today, you’d just been tired of it, you had thought you guys told each other everything but maybe you were wrong. You had seen a glimpse of the drawing but it was clearly Padma. It irked you, and you weren’t quite sure why. Padma wasn’t the first girl Marcus had been with, there had been many before her. He thought he was good at hiding his flings but he wasn’t. 

Truly you didn’t even know why he felt the need to hide them from you. You were his best friend. 

“Honestly, I don’t know why you hid it from me or why you even felt the need to hide it from me, Marcus, I mean we’re best friends, I don’t understand-” Before you could say anything else Marcus stood up, leaving the Capri Sun that came with his lunch because he knew you loved them, before taking off. 

You let out a sigh, using the straw attached to the Capri Sun and poking it in the pouch. You sipped on the juice, you were so deep in thought you didn’t realize Hunter was now standing beside you. 

“Hey, you alright?” He questioned, taking a seat beside you. 

“Yeah, ’m fine.” You said letting out a soft sigh as you stared at the bark of the tree in front of you. 

“Well it’s Friday, Happy Friday, so turn that frown upside down!” He exclaimed, to which you awkwardly laughed, unsure of how else to respond to Hunter’s weird antics. 

“You know I think I have just the thing to cheer you up,” He continued.

“Really, what-” You were interrupted by his lips being pressed against yours.

You pulled away once you realized what was happening, “Oh my god, Hunter, what the hell, dude!?” 

“What, I thought you- I must’ve read-” 

“Yeah, Hunter, you thought wrong, I- I don’t like you like that!” You exclaimed.

“Oh, I’m so sorry, Y/n, I should- I should go,” He gestured, to which you nodded.

You let your head fall into your hands, “What the hell just happened…” You murmured.

The rest of your classes had gone by dreadfully slow, with not much happening in your classes.

You were now seated in your car waiting for Marcus. You looked up from your phone to see him getting into Padma’s SUV. 

“Wow, really, Marcus…” You grumbled. 

。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

It had been a few days and Marcus hadn’t talked to you, texted you, or even opened his curtains because your windows faced each other. This had never really happened before so you weren’t quite sure what to do, in the numerous messages you’d sent him you’d apologized about bringing up Padma and all his ex flings. Once a week had passed you were now annoyed. 

“You know what, I’m not even gonna apologize anymore, y’know, why should I if he’s gonna ignore me anyways, might as well save my breath.” You ranted to Silver, you were both comfortably seated on a couch which was in one of the numerous hallways of Wellsbury High.

“Yeah, I’ve never seen him like this before, maybe he just needs some space?” 

“He’s never needed space before, I just can’t believe he’s acting like this just because of what, me talking about Padma? God, he can be so infuriating sometimes, ugh!” 

“What if, what if this is it? Almost 10 years of friendship down the drain over some dumb shit…” You said your eyes began to water, you glanced away, blinking to clear the tears.

“I’m sure he’ll talk to you soon, y/n/n, he’s just being dramatic, don’t worry,” She attempted to reassure you, her hand gently caressing your shoulder. 

“Yeah,” You sighed, “Enough about me, what’s happening with you and Maxine?” You questioned after clearing your throat, ridding yourself of the emotion that had been previously heard in your voice. 

“I don’t even know, sometimes I think she’s into me and then other times she’s talking about Sophie, I think she’s still in love with her.” She sighed.

“It’s her loss, you’re seriously amazing, Silver.” 

“Thanks, if you weren’t so hung up on Marcus, I’d think you’d have a crush on me,” She giggled jestingly.

“What, me and Marcus, psst, yeah right. Like we’d ever be together, I- I can’t even picture it,” You shook your head.

“Mhmm, girl, you are head over heels for him and vice versa.” 

“Now that’s absurd, Marcus is with Padma.” You once again shook your head ‘no’. 

“Have you ever actually seen them, y’know kiss?” Silver inquired.

“Well no, but when he’s not with me, he’s with her and he’s been spending a lot less time with me.” You countered.

“Well, maybe they’re just friends, like how you and Marcus are just friends.” She raised her eyebrows.

You scoffed not believing for one second that Marcus and Padma were nothing but friends. As you were about to speak up once again, you saw a figure hurry past you, a figure that looked oddly like Marcus.

“I‘ve gotta go Silver, thanks for letting me rant to you, I’ll talk to you later.” You smiled in appreciation at the girl before hurriedly following the form ahead of you.

“Marcus?” You called out to the person, who seemingly began walking faster. It was definitely him. “Marcus! Stop, we need to talk!” You shouted at him, speeding up to grab his shoulder, and turning him to face you.

“What’s there to talk about?” He retorted, a glare besmirching his face.

“Don’t play dumb with me, Marcus.”

“I don’t need to Y/n, I have nothing to say to you.” 

“Really? So that’s it. 8 years of friendship down the drain, because of what - a stupid fucking remark I made?” Marcus rolled his eyes, “Wow, I cannot believe this,” You shook your head in disbelief.

“I really don’t understand why you’re so touchy about your relationships, Marcus, but fine if that’s how you wanna be then I won’t bother you anymore.” Marcus stood silently, his face still formed in a scowl. 

“I’m not gonna keep trying to mend our friendship if you’re not gonna bother to try either.” 

“That’s the fucking problem Y/n I don’t give a shit to fucking fix our friendship, okay? And you, you are a fucking lying hypocrite!” He snapped at you, you took a step back at his accusatory tone.

“What the hell are you even on about Marcus, if you don’t wanna fix our fucking friendship then what the hell are we doing still talking?” You angrily muttered, your eyes beginning to glimmer as tears formed, hurt by your ex-best friend's words.

The hallways that were once filled with students, were suddenly deserted, neither of you heard the shrill ring of the bell, signaling the end of lunch.

You attempted to blink away the tears, turning away from Marcus as he went on, “I saw you and Hunter that day. You said there was nothing going on between you two. You lied to my fucking face, Y/n.” Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

“Not even 5 minutes later and you’re kissing him.” 

“I-“

“And don’t even try to deny it, Y/n, I fucking saw you both, with my own eyes, okay?” 

You huffed, multiple feelings coursing through you, “Clearly you didn’t see everything, or else you would’ve seen me shoving him off of me, you asshole!” You yelled at him, tired of being called a liar. 

“Yeah right, Y/n.” He scoffed at you.

“God, I cannot fathom this,” You shook your head tired of this nonsense.

“If you want ask Hunter yourself for all I fucking care! I cannot believe I’m the hypocrite and liar when you’re the one lying about your relationship with Padma while walking around with fucking hickeys from her!”

“It wasn’t a fucking hickey, I fell off my skateboard and ate shit. And Padma and I are just friends, I don’t even have to fucking explain myself to you!”

“Neither do I!” You growled at him, through gritted teeth.

Your screaming match had caught the attention of multiple security guards, resulting in getting written up and sent to the principal’s office for skipping class, profanity, and a long list of other supposed offenses.

You and Marcus sat across from each other in uncomfortable hard plastic chairs that decorated the hall just outside the principal’s office.

“This is all your fault.” He spoke up after the long silence that had followed your fight. 

You rolled your eyes at him, choosing to remain silent.

“If you had just left me alone and taken a hint this would’ve never happened.”

“Oh, well sorry for trying to be a decent human being and apologize and try to resolve our problems, oh, I don’t know, fix our fucking friendship.” You sarcastically muttered, words filled with venom.

Marcus was the one rolling his eyes now. 

“You were just trying to make yourself feel better. All that lying and kissing Hunter and god knows who else probably made you feel guilty.” He scowled. 

You didn’t hear the door of the Principal’s office open too blinded by fury. Before you could stop yourself, your hand was already meeting Marcus’s cheek.

“Ms. Y/l/n! You are suspended, effective immediately!” The Principal demanded in a raised voice. 

You pulled your hand away from Marcus, both of your faces wearing nothing but shock on them. A red flush complimented Marcus’s face on the cheek which had been met with your palm. 

The same palm stung with a slight pain, making you question how hard you had slapped him. Your eyes watered once again, as Marcus turned to face you, jaw clenched. 

Had you really just slapped him? What the hell was wrong with you, you thought to yourself. 

Marcus’s eyebrows were pulled together in what you could only assume was anger, however, it wasn’t anger but worry. Were you really telling the truth about you and Hunter? Did he push you too far? Would you guys even be able to come back from this after everything that had been said?

。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

Throughout your week of suspension, you had done nothing but lie in bed all day. When you went home that day, your parents had called you not long after you had arrived. The school had notified them of your suspension, the actions which led to the suspension, and that they’d sent you home immediately. To say they were upset was an understatement.

They couldn’t believe that you would slap Marcus. They were confused, and you were a little as well, still shocked at the fact that you had really slapped him. You remembered when you were younger and hit him, but that was different, you were a child who didn’t know how to contain themselves.

That evening you did nothing but cry, you felt so guilty for hitting your once best friend. Sad that your friendship was over. Mad at yourself for losing control and getting suspended. 

It had been 6 days into your suspension, you hadn’t talked to anyone since that day, not even your parents, choosing to lock yourself in your room. Your curtains had been shut, not bothering to peek out the window and see what Marcus had been up to. 

He had been debating going over to your house, and when he saw Hunter pull up in his SUV, anger began to fill him. 

He knew it, you were lying and to think he had begun to feel sorry for all the things he’d said to you.

“Hey, Marcus!” The boy called out to him, simultaneously running up to him.

“Y/n lives in this house right?” He questioned as he pointed in the direction of the girl's house.

Marcus shook his head no, “Really? Silver must’ve given me the wrong address by accident.” 

Marcus nodded silently, jaw clenched in anger which he tried his best to conceal.

“Anyways how’s Y/n? Did she tell you about what happened? Have you guys even talked since?”

“She didn’t need to tell me, I saw.” He responded by choosing to only answer that question.

“You did? Oh, shit man, I’m sorry, I guess I interpreted things wrong. I really liked her, but I shouldn’t have just kissed her like that, and I should’ve known she didn’t like me like that. I mean with how she looks at you she probably has feelings for you anyways, and she pushed me off her man, I didn’t mean to cause problems between you two.” He rambled on.

Marcus was taken aback by the words Hunter had said, “What the fuck did you just say?” He growled at the boy.

“What? That I kissed Y/n, I thought you said you saw?”

“Not that part dumbass, the part where she pushed you off her.”

“Well yeah man, I was tryna’ cheer her up and I thought we had y’know a mutual liking for each other so I just kissed her,” He shrugged.

“Why the fuck would you kiss her, let alone without asking her.” He spat out at the boy.

Before Hunter could say anything else, Marcus swung at him, hitting him straight in the nose, causing Hunter to stumble back. 

“What the fuck, bro!?” He shouted, clutching his now bleeding and probably broken nose.

“I’m not your fucking bro. And that’s what you get for fucking touching Y/n without her consent, dickhead.” He angrily told the boy, before Hunter then took off toward his car.

He couldn’t fucking believe Hunter. Or himself. He should’ve believed Y/n, she had never lied to him before but he was so blinded by anger and his feelings for her that he had refused to accept the truth.

However, it was Padma that made him realize and accept his feelings for his best friend. He was telling the truth about him and Padma, they truly were just friends. Albeit he had intentionally been spending more time with her to try and make Y/n jealous in an attempt to get her to reciprocate the feelings which Marcus felt for her. 

He couldn’t believe what a fucking idiot he was. And did Y/n have feelings for him too? Padma, Silver, Maxine, and now Hunter had claimed the girl was in love with him as well, but he figured there was no way a girl as amazing as his best friend felt anything for him. 

But maybe they were right. All he knew was that he had to apologize to Y/n, beg for her forgiveness, and attempt to mend their relationship. Marcus had never been one for prayer but now he prayed that he hadn’t fucked up too terribly and that Y/n could find it in her heart to forgive him.

。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

Marcus skipped school the next day. He knew it was your last day of suspension and he reckoned he’d apologize, however, he figured it’d be better to show up with something rather than empty-handed. Marcus would do anything for you to forgive him, including bribing you with your favorite things.

He had already gotten your favorite flowers, candy, and another stuffed animal to add to your endless collection of them. He had also gotten you some eyebrow thing that he knew you had run out of the week before, as well as a little headband thing the sales lady told him you’d like. He had also created a playlist for you filled with songs he thought you’d like because he knew you had been wanting to find some new music to listen to, getting tired of some of the songs you had been listening to on repeat for a month now. He had drawn the Spotify barcode to the songs and labeled them with various text, like ‘listen to me, when you feel sad,” or “listen to me, when you want to escape reality for a little bit,”. He had put all the codes in a jar for you. The last thing he had gotten for you, was a drawing he’d done of you.

He’d put everything but your flowers in a gift bag in your favorite color. He had decided that it may be best to knock on your front door rather than going through your window, unsure if that would upset you seeing as you were - well he wasn’t sure what the two of you were anymore. If there were two of you anymore.

Marcus swallowed the lump in his throat, his fist met your front door as he repeated his apology in his head like a mantra. The knock on the door was met with nothing other than silence. Which prompted Marcus to knock on the door once again. There was still no response, so he resorted to calling you, albeit you didn’t answer. You left him with no choice. He made his way up and through your window, barely managing to keep your flowers and other gifts intact. 

He was expecting to get yelled at as he set foot on the wood flooring of your room, but it was quiet and you were nowhere to be found. Marcus knew if you weren’t in your room you were most likely sitting on your back porch, sometimes you’d sit out there and curl up with the most recent book you couldn’t seem to put down, or just feel the wind kiss your skin as you watched the sunset. If not that, you’d be laying in the hammock that the two of you had begged your parents to get when you were 12. Marcus would often join you out there, only needing each other's company and nothing more.

As Marcus made his way through your house and to the french doors that led to your back porch he immediately spotted you sitting on the loveseat which faced your backyard. He pushed the doors open gently, not wanting to frighten you, he knew you got easily scared. 

“Y/n/n?” He gently let your name escape his lips. You slightly jumped at the voice that sounded from behind you. You turn to face Marcus, face set in a stern glare, as you refused to meet his eyes. “Here to call me a lying hypocrite again?” You crossed your arms against your chest, in an attempt to keep your guard up, and not give in to the puppy eyes Marcus was giving you.

“Bub, I’m really sorry,” Marcus apologized, holding the flowers out for you to take. 

“I don’t want your apology flowers, Marcus, and don’t call me bub, I’m not your bub anymore. I’m not your anything anymore, you made that clear when you didn’t care to try and fix our friendship.” You spat at the boy, shivering slightly as the wind began to pick up.

“That’s the thing, Y/n/n, I said I didn’t care to fix our friendship, because-”

“I really don’t want to hear it, Marcus,” You interrupted him, hugging yourself to try and get some warmth in the cold of the afternoon.

“Here,” He set your present down, pulled his hoodie off, and offered it to you.

You swatted the jacket away, “I don’t need your jacket Marcus, I’m fine.” 

“Y/n you’re shaking. Take the jacket.” He held it out again.

“No, Marcus I don’t want your stupid jacket, matter of fact, I don’t even want to look at your stupid face!” You hissed at him through trembles.

“Y/n come on, stop being stubborn, you’re gonna get sick.” 

“No, Marcus, just- just leave me alone, okay? Don’t call me, don’t come by my house, we’re done.” 

(A/N: LMAO, did y’all get the reference? I couldn’t help myself, haha)

“No, Y/n, we're not done until you hear me out, okay, and then I will leave you alone if that’s what you really want…” Marcus said, “Now, please, either put my jacket on or let’s go inside and talk about this.”

You glared at the boy, shoving his jacket toward him again and walking inside the house. 

You stood, arms crossed, still quivering.

Marcus had your gift in his hand and his jacket in the other.

Instead of trying to get you to put his hoodie on, he walked toward you and pulled it over your head. You let out a sigh, adjusting the hoodie on yourself. “Fine. Talk.”

“I’m sorry. I should have believed you when you said you and Hunter were just friends. I-I talked to him yesterday, and he told me what happened, what he did.”

“Is that why your hand is bruised?”

“Uh, yeah…”

“Does it hurt?”

“A little,”

“Good.” 

Marcus laughed, “That’s fair, I guess.”

You rolled your eyes, annoyed that the boy would hurt himself for you. You walked to the freezer, as you two were stood in the dining area beside the kitchen. You grabbed a bag of frozen peas and handed them to Marcus. He exchanged the peas for your gift, placing the bag of frozen peas on his hand to soothe it. 

“Well, thanks, for punching him for me, I never even really liked him as a friend, but I didn’t really know how to tell him that.” You said, rubbing your arm, feeling awkward.

“Yeah, he’s a dipshit for kissing you like that.” Marcus shook his head. 

“I’m sorry, Y/n I said some shit I didn’t mean because- I, I-” Marcus’s mouth opened and shut repeatedly as he attempted to get the words out. He shook his head, slightly flustered before he gestured to the gift in your hands.

You looked down at the gift bag in your hands, eyebrows pulled together in confusion. You removed the gift tissue from the bag, eyeing the various objects in the bag. You pulled out the various things in the bag, placing them on your kitchen island. 

Your eyebrows scrunched up, how’d he know you need this? Or how did he know you had been wanting that plushy? “Y/n I don’t notice the small things you like, need, or do, because I’m your best friend. I notice how you play with your hair when you’re nervous, or how you bite your lip when you’re concentrated, how you rub your arm when you feel awkward, because, I love you, Y/n.”

“When I said I didn’t care to fix our friendship, I said it because, I don’t want to be your friend.”

“What- what are you saying, Marcus?” You gaze into the boy’s eyes.

Marcus steps closer to you, “Y/n, I am madly, deeply, overwhelmingly, in love with you. I want to be more than just your friend, and I’m sorry I ever hurt you, I just got so jealous and let my anger get the best of me. It took me a long time to realize that I’ve been in love with you since that day you punched me on the playground.” He let out a slight chuckle.

“No, you can’t be in love with me Marcus, okay? You’re, you’re with Padma, and she- she doesn’t deserve this. And you and me, we’re friends, that’s it. That’s all we’ve ever been,” You shook your head at the boy.

“Y/n, I swear to you, Padma and I are just friends. I mean she’s the reason I realized I was in love with you…” 

You took in a shaky breath, shaking your head as you brought your hands up to your temples. 

“Y/n, it’s okay, everything is alright,” He said, his hands placed on your shoulders.

“No, Marcus, everything is not alright, okay. This- this is not alright, this isn’t supposed to happen. We are friends. A relationship between us wouldn’t work, I mean were both too stubborn for our own good, and if we were to ever break up… we’d lose each other as more than friends, and friends. I mean ex’s can’t be friends, and-”

Marcus stopped your rambling, shutting you up by placing his lips on yours. His kiss took you back, literally, as your legs slightly trembled, causing you to take a step back. Marcus remained still, giving you a chance to pull away from the kiss, however, you did the opposite, returning the kiss and pulling him closer to you as you wrapped your arms behind his neck. You both poured all your love into the kiss, his hands cupping your face to deepen the kiss, your own running through his hair. You both pulled away to take a breath of air, foreheads leaning against each other. 

“I- I love you too Marcus, since the day you stole that toy car from me.” You sighed in contentment finally being able to get those words off your chest after all these years. 

You grinned tears of joy in your eyes. A tear ran down your cheek, prompting Marcus to swipe it away. You both had matching grins on your face, sitting at the island, as you began to really notice the jar and what was in it. The label on the jar read, “ Songs you’ll love as much as I love you.” While you were admiring the jar filled with music, Marcus pulled the drawing of you toward him, holding it in his hands. “This was what I had drawn that day at lunch. It wasn’t a drawing of Padma, it was a drawing of you. It’s always been you, Y/n.”

“Oh my god, that’s why you didn’t want me to see it… wow, you made me look so beautiful...” You murmured in amazement.

“You are beautiful, bub. You’re everything good in the world and more. And I have no idea how you thought I had been drawing Padma. Padma is pretty, but you- you’re ethereally beautiful, Y/n. You mean everything to me, and I never want you to ever think otherwise.” 

“You mean everything to me too, bub. Nobody gets me like you…”

。ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ

A/N: This didn’t turn out how I planned, or how I really wanted, but I haven’t posted this week, and I’ve been trying to post every week, so I just decided I’d post it. I might rewrite it and post the other version later, or I might just write another best-friends-to-lovers trope, we’ll see.

Also, how do we feel about the use of you instead of Y/N, I don’t know how to feel about it… this was my first time describing the reader as you instead of Y/n, so yeah!

[boyfhee]

⌕ TAKE TWO ━━ 19 : all you want

PRECIS. while riki constantly assured you that him being an idol under a different label wouldn't be an issue in your relationship, you start getting second thoughts when fans start shipping him with his co-mc at music bank.

n : written part after the screenshots

w : slight angst, mild fluff ( finally ) - 1.6k

the cityscape stood open in front of you, cold winter winds sneaking under your sweatshirt, a scarf from jungwon that has been keeping you warm for the past fifteen minutes doesn’t seem to suffice as the skies turned darker. looking at the horizon, there’s a certain calmness that soothes your heart, the violets and vermillion hues reflecting ever so majestically over the glass panes of skyscrapers. down below lays the distinct city noise, the honking of cars, tires screeching— a near miss. the cat walks across the road safely, and behind you, jungwon lets out a sigh of relief. 

“i’ve never been here,” he chuckles. 

you hum, letting a soft smile climb up your face. “me either,” you look at him. he seems to have loosen up. when he arrived, jungwon definitely looked uneasy, or rather, nervous, in case you didn’t want to talk or even see him. but you’re here, and he’s resting his elbow above the railing, letting himself relax. “are we even allowed to be here?” 

“not sure, but even if we aren’t, no one has to know,” it’s an attempt to lighten the atmosphere, to make you feel better even if it’s only for a brief second. he wishes to hold your hands and tell you that it will be okay. sometimes, words aren’t enough, and jungwon doesn’t want to ask the words, “how have you been?” but alas, he does anyway.

“i don’t know,” it’s a plain reply, a response of ignorance, as if you know exactly what’s happening to you but you can’t seem to process. it’s like having a spatula to stir your dish but you don’t remember how to use it, and so you simply stand there, watching it burn. “maybe, i overreacted the other day. riki has been texting constantly and i’ve been ignoring him. guess, i’m really scared for what’s about to come,” a sigh falls of your lips, you turn to look at him. “good or bad,” 

“well, you made it so far and now we’re so close to the truth,” and jungwon refuses to look at you. perhaps, it’s the weather or the situation, but he doesn’t want to watch you crying, and the reason has to do with both you and riki. “you should talk to him,” he says, half supportive, half defeated. 

if he’s being honest, he doesn’t want you to talk to riki, and if he’s being reasonable, he wishes you would sort things out with him. as said before, it has to do with both of you— one is the love of his life, other being his closest friend. living without either of you seems impossible for jungwon. it’s like an eccentric give and receive, a unique pact, a relationship where all of you are victims and all of you are villains. there’s a hint of jealousy, a heart overflowing with love, a soul drowning in immense pain. 

“what if they’re dating?” you ask, it’s more of a whisper. 

jungwon takes a step towards you. “you don’t know,” 

but, you think you do. trust was something that you never ran out of in this relationship with riki. even now, when everything around has been falling down, when the line between truth and lie has been erased and everything resembles the same, you know a part of you trusts riki. but it’s just a part, just a little corner of your heart lost inside it’s walls and chambers. the trust, it’s like a flickering flame of a candle. your hands are around it, making sure it wouldn’t go out, but you think it would either way. the brightest flames go out first, the longer the candle burns, the shorter it gets. you think you can light another one and replace it but you can’t, because the cold wax has already settled on your hands, and scraping it away would mean taking away a part of yourself. 

“what if they’ve been together all this time and i’m here being fooled? what if he has been lying? what if miya was right all along, won—” at this point, you’re not being yourself. you’re crying, your face is buried in your hands, you’re finally letting loose and coming to terms with loss. you’re close to giving up, taking your hands off the candle and letting the winds blow it out. the words that are possibly a lie are now morphing into the truth for you. it feels like you’re watching your lover walk away to someone else while the red strings still hold you together, and you’re doing nothing but looking for the scissors. 

so, jungwon pulls you into his arms. “we don’t know anything yet,” 

those are the words the world relies upon. people look forward to a surprise because you don’t know what it’s going to be. they’re hooked on thrillers because they don’t know the ending. they hope because who knows, maybe things will change for the better one day. the lack of knowledge is incredible and equally dangerous. you’re stupidly lucky and luckily stupid. while one moment, you thank the heavens for keeping you in dark all this time for you don’t know if you can handle facing the truth; the other, you wonder if things would have been different if only you knew. 

your thoughts are laced with irony, there’s a sense of indecisiveness in your actions. your words are uncertain. 

you don’t know anymore. 

“what did i do to deserve this?” and you cry harder, a few centimeters closer into his arms, a consoling hand on your back that feels warmer. you’re spilling tears on his jacket, he doesn’t seem to mind. the city noise fades into the background as your ears fill with the loud silence along with your soft sobs. if someone was to see you like this, you both will be on the headlines the next day. besides, you don’t have an explanation as for why you were crying relentlessly in jungwon’s arms. you’re concerned, but he doesn’t seem to care. so, you don’t know why you worry about media.

you never knew why riki worried so much about them.

“i’m sorry i can’t help more than telling you the same words over and over again,” his words aren’t much louder than yours, almost just as muffled, if not more. “shit, i’m so fucking sorry for not being able to help,” he holds you closer, his voice shaking, you’re scared he might just be crying on his own, over matters that aren’t even his to being with.

“are you stupid?” and you pull away, sniffling, an awkward chuckle falling off your lips at the sight of wet patches on his clothing. “you’ve helped me more than anyone else, won,” 

he awkwardly brushes off the strand of hair in front of your eyes. “i wish i could do more,” 

jungwon doesn’t take credit. well, mostly, he does, but for some things, he doesn’t, and those things are the ones that count the most. perhaps, it’s how a leader is supposed to be. he shares his efforts and achievements. anything he does, it’s for the group, it adds into the accounts of all seven members. you don’t know how that logic is applicable right now, but it sure does has an impact on him. 

jungwon is so used to sharing, he doesn’t remember how it feels to have something that belongs to him and only him. it’s not a bad thing. you’d never know how it feels to be in his place, but sometimes, it feels like jungwon has forgotten how to live for himself.

“what did i do to deserve you?” those are the words that water the flowers blooming in his heart. you take a step behind, turning to the city scape again. wind strikes cold on your tear stained cheeks, you rub it off on your sleeves. “seriously though, you’ve always been there when i needed you, always down to listen to my complaints and endless rants about riki. i don’t think words can express how thankful i am,” 

and jungwon is looking at you— eyes ever so starry, inexplicably in disbelief and desperately in love. “and i don’t know why you helped me so much,” 

“because i like you,” and words slip off his tongue like they’re the water flowing down the stream. there’s a pause, a look of surprise from your side, guilt pouring on his part. you could feel your heart trying to beat out of your chest, you don’t know the last time you’ve felt this way. “not the very best time, is it?” 

but jungwon brushes the silence off with a forced laughter, or rather, tries to. it’s the least he can do to cover up his mistakes. the last thing he wants is to make sure his unplanned confession doesn’t make him look like a backstabber, as if he was trying to get his own way to you through your misery. “don’t think so much about it. it’s just a crush, it’ll go away. you should be focusing on your boyfri—”

fluttering gazes, a step taken towards him involuntarily. you kiss jungwon— a decision made out of impulse.  

“does that make it seem like i’m using you?” you pull away, and now the guilt was for both of you to handle. emotions are playing their part, mind out of order, logic off the terrace of your label that you are currently standing on. right or wrong, it’s hard to differentiate.

nothing makes sense, yet everything in his moment with him fits together like a puzzle piece. 

so, his hands are cupping your cheeks. “you can use me all you want,” and your lips are back onto his. 

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n : YNWON NATION HOW DO WE FEEL

[gloriousburden]

Omg so sorry for falling off the face of the realm again I was straight chilling for a good while (and also lost power for a bit due to the storm), but I had to come back because I’m so pissed off about multiple things.

Also if this wasn’t obvious before, I fucking hate the mcu. I don’t wish having a fixation on an mcu character on ANYONE. This is hell. They couldn’t make a good decision even if their lives depended on it. Out of every fixation for me to be granted… 😞

People who never liked Loki for who he is CANONICALLY (Like this isn’t even a debate. These are aspects of his character that have existed since the first movie.) need to stop speaking on him and his characteristics! He’s not their Tumblr/TikTok hcs and has had definitive personality traits that were thought of carefully by directors, and Tom Hiddleston before each movie came out. Believe it or not… there used to be care put into his character!

People need to accept that the series (and Ragnarok/Iw but tbh they’re not as bad) truthfully do contradict every aspect of his character traits, developments, etc… You can like it, sure. But it contradicts how his character was originally written. Admit that, at least.

And what really pisses me off is… Loki HAS been vulnerable in the movies before. Tom Hiddleston didn’t put all that care into playing him in Thor 1/TDW just for people to say he’s only truly been himself in the series. But I guess because these glimpses into his personality (as the literal god of mischief, dare I remind you…) were still too “harsh” and “cold” for their liking. It wasn’t fanon enough, so they took it as Loki still putting up a facade.

Loki is witty, sarcastic, and most importantly mischievous!! He doesn’t need to boot-lick every being he meets in order for the mask he put up to slip. He also doesn’t need to be the laughingstock to be funny.

“He realized he doesn’t have to play the villain anymore… and now can be a hero..” BITCH SHUT UP! HE’S THE GOD OF MISCHIEF! HE’S NOT ENTIRELY EITHER! Why they feel Loki has to put everyone else’s well-being before his own in order to be a good character is beyond me.

Another thing for me is, people acting like Loki is a narcissist because he holds the belief that gods/asgardians are superior to midgardians??? So does about the entirety of asgard with the exception of Thor. If you had a lifespan of 5000 years, you’d think those who barely make it to a century on average were inferior too!

Also the way Loki’s attempt of genocide against Jotunheim was never spoken about again… no wonder why series fans don’t even realize that it happened. We are losing the plot, literally!