#you can guarantee that every time i watch or read something that makes me think im like wow this reminds me of

[twoheadedoddity]

bitches will compare any well-written, heart-wrenching, thought-provoking piece of media to His Dark Materials. (i am bitches)

[baeddel]

tirade on pirating software. 1.7k words.

i recently read a post by someone who is anti-piracy (better: against making copies of software). they said that if you can't afford something you should wait for a sale or find a free alternative. and then they said that the only time that they find piracy (better: finding a copy online) acceptable is for games that are so old that you cannot buy them from a licensed vendor, but only from resellers, because in that case the developer doesn't get the money anyway.

i feel like i could make a sort of loophole argument in this framework, which is that i can watch ebay until the game is listed by a reseller, and then pirate it, because i'm no longer making a choice between paying the developer or not paying, but paying a reseller and not paying, and i've decided not paying a reseller is morally permissable.

but i think it can go a little further. they specified developer. i should pay the developer. even though i don't buy directly from the developer, but a licensed vendor. but the vendor's surcharge is not worth bringing up.

this is because we don't believe in following the law, exactly, and thus you should follow all copyright laws for that reason. it's because of, usually, one of two reasons: developers deserve to be compensated, or that we have a moral obligation to support the developer.

on the first view, the "just deserts argument", it's not clear to me that the moral obligation to not pirate is watertight in this case (when i said "pirate" before, i made a silly gesture, meant to indicate that i'll say that for brevity, but am not acquiescing). a developer deserves to be compensated for their work; but what do they deserve exactly?

does every developer deserve to become as rich from their game as Notch, and every time they don't there's been an injustice? you probably don't think that.

do they deserve some particular amount that we would say is 'fair'?—it isn't unjust if they do better (although you might think so, and complain about how much of the spotlight they take up compared to others just as deserving), but we only require that much success of them. this might be dependent on the kind of game that it is, for example, a better game deserves more success. if that's the case, then we've exonerated at least some pirates; so long as the developer is as successful on the market as they deserve to be, we've done nothing wrong.

you might say that it's wrong to pirate games that haven't yet reached the threshold of just success, because you place them in jeoprady of never achieving the success they deserve. further, you might say that this threshold is epistemologically unknowable to human beings (see: click), and therefore in practice you can never justify piracy, because you never know if a game has reached the threshold of justice. pirates, therefore, gamble with justice, and only Minos will pay their winnings.

i think this would be a good argument, except that i don't understand why i, as someone who wants to download a copy of the game, am the one who bears the moral responsibility. if the success of this developer is a matter of justice, then surely we all bear that responsibility, even people who don't play videogames. therefore we should all purchase and promote every game, and so forth.

this isn't what any anti-piracy advocate believes, even if they seem to take a deserts line. instead they restrict our obligations to participating in ordinary market mechanisms. the game is being sold as a commodity; therefore people should buy that commodity from a point of sale apporved by the producer, and so forth. it's taken for granted that the anarchy of the market is the right way to guarantee justice, and other possibilities are never explored. ultimately, the deserts argument naturalizes capitalist relations. once you remove these blinders, the mechanism for delivering justice it actually proposes seems obviously unreliable and unsatisfactory (in fact, i believe this criticism applies to all deserts arguments).

here i will quickly add my complaint against the second argument, that we should support the developer. the argument runs: if you like a developer, you should support their work by purchasing their products. i am a lot more sympathetic to this argument and so i won't spend much of the post attacking it. it's enough to say that it suffers from the same problem we just mentioned: why is participating in ordinary market mechanisms the best way to support the developer? capitalism is likewise naturalized by this case when it is advanced as a moral argument against piracy. therefore we can run the same argument: if we have a moral obligation to support game developers, then it's not clear to me why only potential players have that obligation, and so forth (but this time the criticism doesn't apply to all similar arguments, just this one).

however, it often isn't advanced that way, and as a pragmatic argument i tend to agree with it. in fact sometimes they actually have a case for participating in normal market mechanisms: DMC fans want you to buy DMC games because then Capcom will look at their sales figures and decide it's worth making another game. you could argue that they still have capitalist blinkers on because they only advocate you buy one copy, the one you'll play, which is how the game is sold. maybe they should be asking you to buy a hundred copies or whatever. but we don't want them to do that, LOL. and the feeling is usually that there are limits of what you can ask out of someone; when one DMC youtuber was spending quadruple digits on a DMC-themed gacha, his viewers expressed concern and encouraged him to stop. so cheers to DMC players.

in fact, there might be ethical reasons to only ask someone to purchase a copy of something in the normal way: when i try to get you to buy one of Xraftstar / Charity / Porpentine's games, i am doing it because i personally want my friend to succeed, and i want to see their art recognized. this is a kind of moral motivation, but it's the morality of rendering personal obligations; you are not likewise obligated. however, i of course feel there are limits on what i can ask of you, and so, unlike when i make donation posts for my friends who are struggling, i'm only comfortable encouraging you to purchase a copy of something i think will actually render a use-value to you (even if you could still obtain it in other ways and get the same use-value).

but anyway, why specify the developer in the first place? the work put in by the publisher, the developers and maintainers of the platform its sold on, the bandwidth of the payment processor, and so forth, all get left out of the question, even though they are all more or less necessary parts of the normal market mechanisms we're encouraging you to participate in.

i think it's obvious that the anti-piracy advocate of this kind doesn't actually want to advocate for participation in the market economy, like Bush during the recession. they want to be just by the developer because they see the developer as a fellow individual like themselves; they actually want to cut through the market alienation and simply do right by another person. therefore all of the other capitalists who make money off the sale—publisher, platform, payment processor—are just more big companies, perhaps even leeches we'd be better off without.

it's funny, because historically this view was used to support piracy when it came to music. you used to see a lot of charts like this:

how much of a CD goes to the label, manufacturers and distributors, to show how little really goes to an artist, to shut down people who said you should buy the CD to support them. there's a sort of naive anarchism underlying this: i want to help the individual who made the music i love, who needs manufacturers and distributors anyway?

in this kind of simple moral reasoning, resellers really get shafted. they're seen as scalpers, taking money without producing any value. no one says: 'make sure to support resellers!' thus we never ask who the individual behind all of the market alienation the resller is. whoever they are they don't deserve the money. then, when you are poor and struggling, and cannot afford to buy things for yourself, what do people tell you to do? sell your games, CDs...

but i don't want to be too sarcastic here, because there is nothing funny about this impulse to reach through market alienation and connect morally with another individual. it is the essence of emancipation. but hear my argument: purchasing commodities from them is an unsatisfactory way to realize it. it's true that you can certainly help someone by buying what they sell; many of us rely on this to a greater or lesser extent, and, pragmatically, i hope we'll all buy Nadia Nova's next game and put food in her belly. but systematically, not in this or that case, but as a general moral principle, the commodity form, the exchange of cash for things or copies of things—this is the very thing that reproduces these conditions of alienation in the first place. and these relations—their predictability as a feature of the market, or even their scarcity as a part of a volatile and impermanent system—is what habitually places the developer in a condition of alienation from their labour, coaxing them to give up their so-called intellectual "property", then forbidding them from using the games they made; or by seducing them into placing their music on a platform, then offering them increasingly small margins and less control; or to post their content (qua sex workers) on a paywall platform, which then imposes complex payout structures to keep them from claiming their earnings. and so forth. the desire to reach through all of the noise and support the individual is inevitably captured, redirected, and fed upon in as many ways as it can be, until the whole thing crashes down and the cycle starts again.

therefore, should you purchase or pirate the next game you want to play? Remember Ptahhotep: "The noble who sitteth before food divideth it as his soul moveth him; he giveth unto him that he would favour."

[helslastangel]

Moon Conjunct Venus + Moon Trine Ascendant Synastry

Based on My Personal Experiences 🔞

This may not resonate for everyone, so if it doesn't hit, please let it miss. There are 18+ topics included this so minors, do not interact. 🔞

Their Moon conjunct your Venus

This aspect is wonderful if you're both feeling each other. They can and will read you like a book without even needing to turn the first page. If you've ever seen or been in one of those couples where the one person knew exactly what the other one wanted or needed, without ever discussing it, even once?

Yeah, those are the vibes here.

You will be loved exactly the way you want to be loved and if things don't work out, there is a good chance the breakup could leave you feeling destroyed for quite some time, even if you were never in a relationship.

This aspect can make it very difficult to be "just friends" if either person wants more from the connection.

But even platonic friends with this synastry aspect can be amazing. These are the kinds of friend that you give the spare keys to, can call at 4 in the morning whether for an emergency or just to sob about something stupid.

They are the ones you who can come over without calling first. In fact, you welcome it and aren't surprised to come home and find them asleep on your couch. Like this is the friend that you're more like family with if you're not in a romantic connection.

If you ever get in a mood and start talking about "everyone this" and "people always/never that," they aren't offended because it doesn't even cross their mind to think they're included in that pile.

There is no guarantee that things will always be perfect or work out with this placement, obviously it depends on factors in the whole chart and other things like time, place, circumstance, and so on.

Of course, anyone who can read you accurately has the ability to use that to manipulate and harm rather than help and support you, but that's a risk of life in general. All I'm saying is: with this aspect, when it's good, it's DAMN GOOD.

To give you an example, I had this synastry with a Scorpio moon several years ago (I'm a Scorpio Venus). We met at an event and hit it off so well that we were talking outside the venue for nearly 4 hours, annoying his friends and mine. Ended up bringing him home with me and I fully expected him to disappear into a cloud of dust the next day, but he didn't.

We didn't end up working out beyond friends with benefits, but he's NEVER been rude or unkind to me once. Extremely patient, always calm no matter what and very sweet to me whenever we run into each other somewhere in the city every couple of years.

The way he handled me emotionally was just beautiful, I can't think of another way to put it. Most of my friends at the time would ignore anything I did creatively - not him, he found one of my books and posted it on his story with a cute caption saying how much he loved intelligence and that he was proud of me. The type to show up in the rain and keep me company when I was sick (back when I lived alone), even though he had class, work and practice all that day. The first time we hooked up, I was getting my laundry together and wondering why he hadn't left yet. He picked up the bags talking about, "Nah I got 'em, lead the way to the laundromat, why would I leave you to do this by yourself."

TMI / TW (mentions of sexual activities, body fluids, menstruation/periods) so again, minors, get out of here and the rest of you proceed with caution or skip to the next paragraph.

He was very much empathetic and also body positive-absolutely nothing seemed to gross him out. I have so many examples, but let's go with something both extreme and spicy. I was bundled up, laying on his shoulder and trying to deal with menstrual cramps while we were watching a show and him going, "Oh you know I read somewhere that orgasms can ease those, may I?" I'm there like, may you what? sure?? I'm curious?? Next thing I know, he's got a towel down, yeets the tampon and dives in head first talking about "a period ain't stop nothing but a sentence." And, well? All I'll say is.. at least ONE man knows where the clit is! ibuprofen, who? where? 😂😈

Obviously that's a bit much if you're a vanilla type (but a Scorpio moon + Scorpio venus? baby we was freaks, what can I say? lmfao) but this is just an example I mention because the important part is not once did he bring up getting off himself. No hinting for a quickie or a BJ like you might expect. I even offered because I was used to guys doing seemingly selfless gestures only to be guilt-tripped shortly after, and he was just like, "Sorry, what? No, you're not feeling well, I wanted you to feel better, plus I don't need to get off all the time, I read it's healthy to ignore the urges sometimes." (Idk if you could tell, but he REALLY likes to read, loll).

That's what I'm talking about with the Moon-Venus conjunction. This kind of synastry will vary in the specific ways it's expressed of course, but all other things being equal, someone with their moon conjunct your venus will intuitively know what you want and need to feel loved, and it works because it blends very well with their own emotional needs. If the moon person tells you they enjoy doing something for you or with you without expecting anything in return, believe it. It sounds like a lie because of the types of people who would lie about that, but with this aspect, chances are they meant that shit.

Not only that, but you'll feel like you've known them for a long time. That's because you'll also understand their emotional expression on an intuitive level. This isn't as one-way as it could sound. Oh, no, not at all. You will feel like you've met before and find yourself making time and space, and finding energy for them even out of thin air. You could live in a tiny studio that you'd never share with anyone and then find yourself cleaning out your closet on a Sunday afternoon to "make a little space" for their extra work uniform or even as tiny as keeping an extra toothbrush, clearing a hook in the bathroom, keeping their favorite snacks in the fridge, stuff like that. You'll generally feel at home with each other and trust can build VERY quickly. Others could even wonder if you're okay, especially if you're normally a paranoid person.

With Scorpio moon guy, he accidentally left his wallet the first time he left my place and I called him when I found it. His response was "Oh I left it at yours? Oh good, that's okay then, I'll come get it at some point this week, let me know what days you'll be home". He knew me for less than 24 hours at the time, lol. 3 months later he had the door code to my place and there were two toothbrushes and two towels instead of one LOL, trust was never an issue and it certainly wasn't the reason we didn't work out either! We basically just couldn't really keep pace with each other because... we had a 6 year age gap. Completely different life stages. I have a feeling if we both were a lot older, it would have worked out. Literally nothing else was wrong with us.

Now, that was with me being the Venus (and Ascendant-see below) person. I'll be honest, as a Capricorn moon, I'm curious about how it would be if I meet a Capricorn venus romantically. I wonder how that would play out all the time, and I think I'll let that remain a mystery until it happens, then I'll hopefully still be blogging then and come back and tell yall about that too. THAT BEING SAID... I do have this aspect (as the moon person this time) with a platonic Capricorn venus friend I had for nearly 13 years. We would literally be in each other's houses (and hair and business lol) all the time. We had yearly festivals we always went to together, talked almost everyday, knew how each other was feeling before the other one would even say anything. Mopped each other up off the floor when going through shit. She punched a guy I was dating who cheated on me, and I introduced her to a mutual friend who I thought she might like to date, and then cussed the hell out of him when he didn't pull his weight like I thought he would. Things like that.

The friendship ended nearly 7 years ago but I miss her every day. I remember what happened, but in hindsight, it seems so foolish now and I miss her every single day. We would have been friends for 20 years by now and I don't have a lot of regrets in life, but that is one of them. She hurt me but I handled it so poorly both before and after she reached out to talk that it just destroyed the entire foundation of our friendship. I haven't even tried to get over it because I don't want to. To me, that would be just disrespectful, I feel like it's something I need to carry with me as a reminder to do better next time. I'm sure you see by now that this is a quite an intense and dynamic placement!

Bonus Observation:

Moon Trine Ascendant Synastry

If someone with their moon conjunct your venus ALSO has their moon trine your ascendant, WHEW that is hot. Not only will the emotional connection be strong, but they will find everything about you on the outside just as enticing as the inside.

They genuinely enjoy the way you express yourself and can have a lot of patience for any shenanigans you might get up to. These people will watch you from across a crowded room all evening and suddenly appear by your side just before you leave to tell you they think you're attractive and want to get to know the rest of you beneath the surface. And it's rarely ever creepy. They'll know just how to approach you. I've had this synastry aspect a few times and it's always been like that. Genuinely charming. Perfect rizz.

This kind of synastry, as I said earlier, will leave you in absolute shambles if things don't work out, especially if you don't encounter this synastry often in your connections. Personally, I'd consider this one of those aspects where one or both of you can feel like the other was a soulmate, or "the one that got away," and end up being celibate or single (if romantic), or becoming asocial (if platonic) for a long time after splitting up. That or cycling through a series of awful relationship and friendship rebounds in an attempt to find them in another person.

Not too much on me for this, but there's a country song by Colt Fold that I'd loved for half a decade now called 4 Lane Gone. I'm sure there are other songs out there that would capture this better, but this is the one that stuck with me.

Something about the way this artist captures the feeling. Wistful, you can tell dude is acting strong, but knows damn well a good thing just got royally fucked up. Maybe I'm just melodramatic (I'm water dominant after all), but have a listen and see if you get what I'm talking about.

Idk. From my experiences with these aspects (been lucky enough to experience it with more than one person), I'd say it gives a pretty good idea of how either side could feel when it ends. Probably more so the Moon person, though, as they're likely to react like this to either a) being the one to end the relationship prematurely and regret it, or b) being blindsided by the Venus/Ascendant person up and leaving, and taking so long to process and recover from the shock, that by the time they chase after them...they're...well...four lanes gone. Lol.

Lyrics

[Verse 1]

Been raining for three days

On the fast track to the highway

Trying to save a little time

Lord I never should have tried

Taking this back road shortcut

Now I’m way stuck, so sunk

I’ll never catch her now

So I just put the tailgate down

She’s probably somewhere doing 95

I got nothing but this cooler and time

[Chorus]

I cracked one waiting on a ride

Two or three just to pass the time

While she’s headed to a new town

And I’m too lost to be found

She probably thinks that I don’t care

Stuck in the rut in the middle of nowhere

And just my luck I’ll be here all night long

Man, I’m bummed out back road buzzed

And she’s four lane gone

Yeah she’s four lane gone

[Verse 2]

Every empty beer can makes me

Miss her like hell, man I can kick myself

For the place and the shape I’m in holding me back

Yeah my wheels keep on spinning

And she’s ticked off blacktop fast

[Chorus] x 1

[Bridge]

While I’m stuck here all alone

With a midnight natty light

One more chance I’ve blown

[Chorus] x 1

[Outro]

I’m out here all alone

Yeah she’s four lane gone

She’s four lane, four lane gone

Yeah she’s four lane gone

She’s four lane gone

[accio-victuuri]

my thoughts on xz’s spring festival debut and loch 📝

“Every role leaves something in me or takes something away from me. The character of Guo Jing is very powerful. His perseverance and persistence subtly gave me a lot of support and faith later on.” - xiao zhan

just a few disclaimers before i start:

1. i’m a cpf. this is a cpf blog but i also identify as xz and wyb’s career fan. meaning i care about the impact of their works to the general public. i’m tagging this post with xiao zhan on it cause it’s mainly about him, but if you already hate cpfs, then save yourself the trouble and scroll along. if you still read this and wanna say something, do it on your own blog.

2. this is not the place to compare xz and wyb’s spring festival bo debuts. nor is this a place for conspiracies.

3. i haven’t watched loch. i am not well versed in the whole lore behind it.

okay, now i can start 😅😅😅

As soon as XZ was announced to play the role of Guo Jing in Tsui Hark’s new movie — we all knew that it’s a great opportunity and at the same time, a huge responsibility. Legend of The Condor Heroes is a beloved story/franchise with multiple remakes so this movie had to bring something fresh to the audience. Tsui Hark is a celebrated director, but it’s not a guarantee of excellent results. I’m personally not familiar with his works ( yep, cause i’m uncultured lol ) so at the time i was okay, cool. However, i trusted the people both fans and the public who had mostly good things to say.

It was also pretty obvious that this movie will be screened during Spring Festival. It’s a no brainer. A big IP and movie like this should be released during the biggest box office day in China.

You also have Xiao Zhan. The god of wealth. A traffic star who brings in the money and is a talented Actor. He also has a solid and dedicated fanbase.

However, to those of us who are familiar with how the SF box-office works, fans alone cannot sustain it. The key is to capture the General public’s favor to grow the numbers and to get more cinemas to screen your Movie during the SF holiday. They call it “word of mouth” — when people give good reviews, more people will be encouraged to give it a try. If you are someone on SF holiday, you can probably watch 1-2 ( 3 at most possibly ) movies from the lineup. So it’s critical that LOCH will come up as something you would wanna watch based on what you read online ( or offline ) even if it’s not your 1st choice. I was hoping LOCH fans will come in, but i was also afraid cause they will be the most critical. They know the source material, they possibly watched all the iterations, so they will be the toughest to please.

The showing came later than we anticipated but it was fine. Editing and all the special effects always take up most of the time anyway. ✨

Weeks before the holiday, Nezha 2 announced it was gonna join the Spring Festival line up. This alone was a sure bet that this movie was gonna dominate the Box Office. no question. It’s a popular character and a family-friendly film. A first choice kind of movie if you will. There’s also Fengshen Part II with it’s own set of fans and considering how big the first movie earned, you would think they were gonna come back for Part II.

LOCH still prevailed tho, The pre-sale numbers dominated 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

in reality, these are mostly fans. which is not a bad thing at all. having LOCH at the top of the pre sales creates a good buzz around it. if you are someone thinking of what to watch, and don’t know much about the line up, it would be good to pick the most anticipated film 🫶🏼

(this photo does not represent the final numbers before opening)

I wanna add too that this year’s promotion for SF movies is next level. They have really done well in making sure that the public knows what movies are out there for them to watch.

The first day for a movie like LOCH with a big pre-sale will show a small rise because people who wanna see it on Day 1 mostly have bought it already. It was still steady tho, It broke 14 box office records which is mostly for the martial arts genre ✨

There are also mostly positive reviews about XZ’s performance like this one ( i will share more on my blog as they come ) and critics. Which is fine. we know it’s not gonna be all praises anyway. One review that went high up on HS was from Nanfeng daily, which is more of a discussion on the story’s flaws. I won’t share it here anymore, but the article was talking about the weak plot and how the two leads having basically no chemistry. I also looked into this other blogger ( who is pretty consistent with reviews and not just one who popped up lately ) one which I think fairly described the shortcomings —-

The film adapted the content of chapters 34-40 of the original novel. It is a story about the integration of the martial arts world into the post-war world, involving the love line of Guo Jing and Huang Rong + the national war line + the martial arts line. The main part of the martial arts line is the previous situation before the 34th chapter, which is the foreshadowing of love and war. It can't be less, nor more. The question that needs to be considered here is how to explain so many martial arts stories before, flashbacks? Arrange information in the lines? Connect events and insert back? Or is there a more clever method?

As a result, The Legend of the Condor Heroes didn't think so much, and just went straight to the "PPT". The first hour was a long, fragmented and incomplete account of the story, and the two leading actors took turns to read the narration to tell the previous story. This is not called The Legend of the Condor Heroes, but "Reading most of The Legend of the Condor Heroes in x minutes".

This is not enough. I don't know if Tsui Hark is taking revenge on someone. It's already a PPT, and the two protagonists are reading letters to each other in the air, with narration superimposed on narration. The audience is like a class in the first half.

AGAIN. I haven’t watched the movie but I think, i get where this going. It seems to me that the screenwriter should have done better. Xiao Zhan can only do so much hard work and bring in talent, but if the story is all over the place, it’s gonna be hard to market to a random viewer.

As of writing, LOCH is on HS and the topic is about the supposed deleted scenes. Getting rid of those didn’t help the flow of the story obviously. There is a post going around that talks about that I will partly share below:

In the original script, Guo Jing's expedition to the west and return to the south are closely integrated. The complete character arcs of all the main characters in the movie, the Western Expedition is also in the film.

The film has spent a lot of effort and resources to visualize Wu Mu's will, war, and animals. The essence of the play, this entire section was taken away for review, and a lot of the plot needs to be reviewed later. The dubbing of the previous part continues, and some memories and inserts of the previous part are added. The broadcast becomes even more fragmented, resulting in incoherent plots.

Guo Jing experienced the suffering of all living beings in the war, and Huang Rong's role of leading the Beggars' Gang is gone, and the early adaptations make it even more miserable.

Some of the character arcs are incomplete.

Then it goes to talk about the cuts ( censorship ) caused by sensitive subjects that may cause diplomacy issues.

We still have a few more days for things to take a turn and I will update this blog for that. LOCH can also run even beyond this season and get more Box Office numbers. I have to admit this post i’m making is premature cause we are only days in, but by experience, the early days will usually tell you what’s gonna happen moving forward.

( as of writing, nezha leads with 1.5 billion and loch at 500 million )

A few more points:

• The film was promoted heavily around Tsui Hark being the director. It didn’t live up to expectations and this is why some negative reviews are coming. This is such a big production with lots of moving parts and it seems like it didn’t all fit. Some antis are saying that XZ fans are “blaming” again but this time i guess it’s valid. i’m not saying XZ was perfect either, i’m sure there is room for improvement but he can’t fix the story.

• 🍤🍤🍤 were too confident. it’s not a secret that I have no love for these sea creatures but they were boasting a lot. AND NOW HERE WE ARE.

this has always been my frustration. the karma is getting them. but is also directly affecting XZ who worked hard on this film. who didn’t tell them to do these nasty things. i also see people who wouldn’t even consider LOCH cause at some point 🍤🍤🍤 were rude to their bias before.

it’s like, people wanna see the 🍤 fandom fail. not xz. just the nasty 🍤🍤🍤 who offended a lot of people online at some point.

my god. they really don’t deserve XZ 😭😭😭😭

• the issue of unfair screening times and slots are also being brought up by fans. all i have to say is, welcome to the spring festival clownery. welcome to the movie world, you all must be new here. it doesn’t mean people can’t complain and be frustrated. what i’m saying is LOCH isn’t the first movie to experience this. it happens every year. it happens every big film holiday. this is not the land of dramas where streaming and rating works. Movies are different. if there is anything I learned, it’s more vicious.

• some are also complaining about cinemas refunding their tickets saying there is technical issues. only to find out that they are replacing the showing for a different movie. this is so shady 💀 but again, it’s all about the money. T___T

• the theme of the movie is also not popular at the moment. TH was saying it’s time to bring back films & stories like this again. I found this article that explains my point:

Jin Yong is an idol of previous generations. In their eyes, he has gradually become a tall but distant statue. Tsui Hark's embrace of Jin Yong's IP again is an outlet for the film market to seek a breakthrough in the predicament. He tried to add mainstreaming, genre innovation, traffic stars and other means to revitalize Jin Yong's IP. There is a logical component, but there is also the possibility of success and risk.

The younger generation of audiences who are not Jin Yong fans have not actually broken off their understanding of the martial arts spirit, but they have chosen new works as carriers. For example, the audio novel "Snow Sword" labeled as "martial arts novel" has been played 2.92 billion times on a certain platform, which is far more than the number of audio books of Jin Yong's works. To some extent, the "traditional chivalry" written by Jin Yong is quite different from the "cool martial arts" that the new audience likes, which combines magic, games, and VR.

In fact, from the pre-sale results to the current box office results, it can be seen that the market and the audience still have high expectations and sufficient space for martial arts themes. The altruistic spirit and noble character naturally carried by the martial arts spirit will still make young people curious and have a strong desire to follow and imitate. For the filmmakers, the difficulty of the creative challenge is far greater than the market opportunity-the care and empathy for individual growth, the assumption of social responsibility, etc., still need the work to provide a new interpretation.

After Jin Yong passed away, someone said, "It's not the end of an era, it's the beginning of an era." What this sentence means is that the spirit of martial arts will never become obsolete, but it needs to be updated from time to time. In addition to constantly exploring new forms of expression of martial arts, we must also strive to find new soil for the spirit of martial arts to land. Only in this way can the spirit of martial arts remain high and vigorous in the hearts of generations.

• the goal for xz ( and wyb ) is to be popular and liked by the general public. having a solid solo fandom definitely has it perks but situations like this — they should have a good reputation. the movie/drama must also be exceptional for it to “get out of the circle”. a movie they make should not be “a movie for fans” but for everyone to enjoy.

Let me wrap this up with some good news tho, because international fans can make a difference. To the countries that are going to have screenings, you can contribute by watching and sharing your reviews! 💕 it’s the essence of fandom, to enjoy the content and be happy with the experience. it’s too easy to get caught up with the competitive nature of the SF movie season cause it’s a favorite topic on weibo, but it’s better to celebrate Xiao Zhan’s Spring Festival Movie debut 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

I have absolute faith in XZ’s strength as an actor and that time will tell us the truth. right now, the black propaganda is strong cause they have to manipulate public opinion really quick ( i’m not saying all negative reviews are antis but you know what i mean & viewers are expected to be extra critical of XZ cause of how famous he is! ). His talent will shine through. He will have more movies/dramas that are gonna be better than this and we are here to support him. Box-office numbers is not the measure of XZ’s success in playing Guo Jing. I haven’t seen it but knowing XZ’s care for the characters he plays, seeing the training he went through — he did him justice.

-END.

[reidsc0nverse]

pov your instagram when dating spencer reid pt 4

Liked by paparossi, princesspennyg, and 193 others

(y/n) i think derek got fed up with his statistics...

View all 25 comments

spencerreid1 This was frightening to say the least.

-> emilyprenty Maybe stop giving us daily lectures on a topic we brought up one time

-> paparossi @/emilyprenty I second that

derekm This is also me after he wins EVERY card game we play

-> (y/n) did you know there's a mathematical equation to every card game that guarantees the chances of winning 🤓☝️

-> jjareau not you too y/n..

-> spencerreid1 She's actually not wrong.

AaronHotchner I hope this isn't what you guys do when I'm not on the field with everyone

-> (y/n) 🤷‍♀️

Liked by katecallahan, hotboylukealvez, and 174 others

(y/n) finally convinced him to read og fairytales and watch the movies afterward

View all 23 comments

spencerreid1 ❤️

derekm Reid definitely seems like a rapunzel guy

-> (y/n) his favorite was actually belle

-> emilyprenty @/(y/n) shocker

jjareau Now you've just gotta show him Twilight

-> (y/n) that's next 🤭

princesspennyg This is so cute!!!!!

-> (y/n) until right after the movie he started telling me all the inaccuracies were in it compared to the story

-> paparossi Dont sound too surprised

Liked by derekm, AaronHotchner and 232 others

(y/n) i might've gotten a little carried away

View all 31 comments

emilyprenty that should've been me

-> (y/n) come over.

-> derekm @/spencerreid1 you're just gonna let this happen??

-> spencerreid1 I've come to realize there's nothing I can do.

jjareau And to think we thought he'd never get any action

Liked by alexblake, princesspennyg, and 184 others

(y/n) found this gem going through my pictures, it was too good not to post

View all 29 comments

emilprenty JUMPSCARE WARNING

-> (y/n) ⚠️

-> paparossi After the 30 something years I've worked in the FBI, this is probably the scariest thing I've seen

-> spencerreid1 :(

spencerreid1 Why does Derek look like he's going to kick you down like one of his doors?

-> (y/n) HAHAHAHAHAHAH DID YOU JUST MAKE A JOKE SPENCER REID???

-> derekm at least i don't look like sixth grader at his graduation of middle school

-> (y/n) @/derekm yeah and you look like his bully that steals his lunch money

what other things do you guys wanna see? there's a bunch of stuff i can do similar to this just lmk!!!

[cheshireliam]

"Countdown to Stealing Your Heart" Collection Event

Liam ECB Card Story

This is a fan-made translation solely for entertainment purposes with no guaranteed perfection; expect mistakes, grammatical errors, and some creative liberties. All original content and media used belongs to Cybird. Please support the game by buying their stories and playing their games. Reblogs appreciated.

Read this before interacting

NSFW WARNING!!

Liam: Thank you all for coming to our theatre tonight too.

Liam: Have a wonderful new year, everyone!

December 31st. The heartwarming performance by The Scala for families and couples spending the end of the year together was a great success. 

…

I met up with Liam in the theatre’s hall after he was done cleaning up.  

Kate: Good work, Liam! 

Liam: Thanks for coming, Kate! How was the play?

Kate: It was so touching… I teared up at the end. I especially liked the scene where they huddled together in the snow— 

Liam gazed at me tenderly with his eyes the colour of roses as I told him every little detail about the strong impressions the play left on me, while also sharing little anecdotes like “the tempo was important there…” and “did you notice the ad-lib?”.  

(... This time is such a luxury.) 

Up till now. I've always been watching plays alone as a hobby, and although I never found it to be unsatisfying… 

Now, I enjoyed chatting about something I like with the person I love.

Kate: … Sorry, I was rambling. Shall we continue this conversation when we get home? 

Liam: Sure. But before that… can I please get a reward for my hard work? 

With fluid movements like a cat, Liam brought his face closer to mine.

Kate: C-can we also leave that for when we get home…? 

Liam: No can do. I lose my self-control when I see you, Kate.

Liam: We can do it before someone comes… come on, quick— 

My gaze was drawn to his lips as he pleaded for his reward.

Wanting to give him his reward and touch him, I took a step closer to him. Just then— 

Tom: Liam! Kate, you're here too! 

Kate: T-Tom…! 

I quickly jumped back and put some distance between Liam and I when Tom, the director of The Scala, came in. 

Tom: … Oops, am I disturbing something? 

Kate: No, um… is something the matter? 

Tom: The troupe is having a get-together after this to celebrate the end of the year and the new year. 

Tom: Why don’t you two join us too?

Kate: Would it be alright if I join even though I’m not part of the troupe…? 

Tom: You’re part of the reason why Liam’s acting is improving, you know? 

Tom: How should I put this? Hmm… not only is his acting improving, Liam’s personality has also been shining through his roles. 

Tom: Anyway, you played a prominent role in it! Right, Liam? 

Liam: … Of course. Don’t say you’re not part of us, Kate. 

Kate: Alright… thank you. 

Since it was coming from the person who made Liam an actor, it must be true that Liam’s acting has changed. 

(If I had such a positive impact on Liam… nothing would make me happier.)

…

We went to a tavern we had been to before with the troupe members of The Scala.

Tom: Next year, we’ll make The Scale the best theatre in all of England— no, in the entire WORLD! 

Tom, who had a low alcohol tolerance, made a bold declaration before downing his drink in one shot. 

I was sure that was the Bomb Shot, rumoured to be incredibly strong yet awful tasting.

Tom: Ugh… eurgh… I feel sick. 

Kate: A-are you alright, Tom? You should go outside for some fresh air—

The same time I expressed my concern for Tom, Liam leaned over on my shoulder.

Kate: Liam…?

Liam: Kate… I feel sick too…

Kate: What.

Liam’s face was pale and clammy, his breathing was laboured too. 

He seemed fine just a while ago, but he felt unwell all of a sudden. 

Liam: I think going outside will make me feel better… will you come with me?

Kate: Alright. Here, I’ll support you. 

Leaving Tom to a sober troupe member, I lent Liam my shoulder for support.

…

Kate: There we go… you can sit over there and rest, Liam. 

I spotted a bench right outside the tavern and tried guiding Liam towards it.

Liam: … Nah. I don’t need to. 

Kate: Huh? — Kyaa! 

Suddenly, Liam slid an arm under my knees and lifted me in a princess carry. 

Liam effortlessly ran through the streets at night with me in his arms and leapt up onto a rooftop.

Liam: This should be the spot… I think we can get a good view of the new year’s fireworks from here.

Liam gently let me down onto the roof while tightly holding my hand in case I slipped.

Kate: Um… Liam, are you okay? You said that you felt sick…

Liam: … Sorry, that was a lie. I just wanted to have alone time with you as soon as possible, so I whisked you away like that.

Kate: That was an act? As expected of you, Liam. Your great acting had be compl fooled.

Liam: … You’re not mad at me for lying?

Kate: I was worried, but… I’m relieved that you’re not unwell.

Kate: Besides, I was also thinking that I wanted to be alone with you, so don’t worry about it.

Liam wore a troubled look on his face when I told him that he didn't have to feel guilty about what he did. 

This time, it wasn’t an act; it was Liam’s real facial expression. 

Liam: … … I’m really such a weakling, I can’t keep my cool.

Liam: Tom interrupting when I was about to kiss you, you trying to take care of Tom… I hated all of it.

Liam: It’s not that I’m suspecting you of having something with Tom. 

Liam: Even if it were someone else, I’d still hate it… 

Liam: That’s why I lied, made you worry about me, and tried getting your attention… it’s pathetic. I’m childish, aren’t I? 

Kate: Liam… 

I was about to speak when I heard a loud boom. I looked up to see fireworks lighting up the night sky.

Liam: This year’s fireworks start before the countdown.

Liam: There’s still about 30 minutes before we step into the new year…

Liam: I wish I could be reborn as a stronger and kinder person with every new year. 

Liam: But, since that’s not possible… I have to try my best as I am. 

Liam didn't want to erase the existence of his weak self or pretend to be someone who’s strong. 

He said that he would continue living as himself and rely on his own strength to change. 

Liam: Therefore, Kate…

Liam: From the seat closest to me that anyone else's, watch me change and grow.

I could sense his nervousness from the way his grip tightened around my hand.

Kate: … I was already intending to do that without you asking. 

I was drawn to Liam who resembled Betelgeuse shining brightly in the night sky.

We’ve gotten so close that I didn't mind burning out together with him at the end of our lives.

Kate: I won’t ever take my eyes off you, Liam. So keep yours on me too. 

I gazed up at Liam from up close, as though not wanting to let a single change in Liam escape my sight. 

I reached my free hand to Liam’s cheek.

Standing slightly on my tiptoes, I placed a soft kiss on his lips. 

In the end, we returned to our room without waiting for the new year countdown.

Not even sparing any time to bathe, we tumbled straight into bed. 

We took off each other’s clothes and started making love without saying much. 

Liam: Nn, haa… 

We exchanged countless heated kisses as though to warm ourselves from the cold and Liam slowly pushed himself into me. 

Liam: It’s our long-awaited first new year together, and yet… we’re doing what we always do. 

Kate: I like doing it with you, so… as always, I’m fine with it. 

Liam: Fufu, you’re really good at indulging me, Kate… 

Liam: Then let’s fill ourselves with as much pleasure as we can. 

Our fingers intertwined, and our bodies came together as we expressed our overflowing feelings of love for each other. 

Liam: Mm… it’s already 11:59pm. 

Liam looked up from dropping kisses on my chest and checked the time.

Liam: I want to spend new year’s eve kissing you… can I? 

I smiled. Instead of using my words to respond, I wrapped my arms around Liam’s back and initiated the kiss.

Liam: Nn… haa…

Liam’s hot tongue parted my lips and danced in my mouth.

Liam: Nn… I’ll start moving…

Liam picked up his rhythm again, rocking his hips and slamming into me. 

Kate: Haa… ah… ahhh…! 

I reflexively tried to move away due to the overwhelming pleasure, but Liam stopped me by grabbing my hips. 

Liam: Fufu… no running away. 

Kate: Nngh—aah…! 

Liam pinned me down and continued rearranging my guts.

Liam: Let me see more… your erotic cries and facial expressions… I want to know all of it. 

Liam’s groans were husky and sweet, a side of him he would never show on stage. He was my Liam. 

It was so endearing it made me want to fulfil every one of his requests, no matter how lewd. 

I gave him an accepting smile and he thrust into me, holding my hips.

Kate: Nn, aaah…! 

The pleasure was so great that I nearly lost consciousness for a moment. 

Cheers from people celebrating the new year and fireworks going off could be heard outside the window. 

Liam: Ahha… Kate, did you cum the moment we entered the new year…? That’s so sexy. 

Liam kissed away the tears that had formed in the corners of my eyes.

Liam: Since we couldn’t do a countdown… shall we do a “count up” this time? 

Kate: …? What’s that? 

Liam: I want to know how many times I can cum, so…

Liam: Will you count together with me and help satisfy my curiosity?

Liam: Here goes… one… two…

Kate: Nn… w-wait, Liam…!

Afraid of overstimulating my sensitive body after having just reached my climax, I clung to Liam’s arms to stop him from moving. 

Liam: I’ll wait until you tell me “okay”. 

Kate: … 

It felt shameful to be the one initiating it by giving him the signal to start. 

But, since I wanted to fulfil Liam’s wish— 

“Okay”

I whispered the word and our lustful count up began. 

[hxney-lemcn]

Congratulations on the 2k! You truly deserve it and much more! I look forward reading more of your works, they make my day! ❤️❤️

My request is with Idia

Genre -🌹

Tropes: 🍂💫

Prompts: 👀🍯😍😴😳

Sorry if I put too much in the prompts. Please forgive me :'>

-🍫🌹

a/n: ending this event with a full on fic 💀. can you tell I love Idia? and that wasn't too many prompts! I didn't put a limit, just not guaranteed that I'd use them all, but I managed to for this fic 😊

tw: panic/anxiety attack

wc: 0.9k

2k follower event | master list

You were immersed in the game, you had wanted it ever since it was announced and Idia had got it for you as a gift. So, you were playing it with him, a tradition that formed over the time you knew each other. You were so close to gathering all the extra items, your perfectionist eating at you. You just couldn’t stop until you got 100%. As the end came near, and you successfully gathered every collectable, you grinned triumphantly, glancing over to Idia whose gaze hadn’t left you the entire time. Trying to smother the fluttery feeling in your stomach, you asked.

“Why are you staring? Is there something on my face?”

“H-huh?” Idia stammered, cheeks turning a light pink. “N-no, sorry.”

“It’s cool,” You shrugged, trying to not stare yourself. Who gave him the right to be so pretty? Putting the controller down, you checked your phone (hiding it so Idia couldn’t see it was a picture of him) and noticed it was late. Another tradition was your sleepovers, they happened whenever and for the littlest reasons. Something neither of you batted an eye at anymore. 

Stretching your arms, you spoke up, “We should probably call it a night.” 

“Yeah,” Idia nodded, already getting his bed ready for you both. Saving and shutting off your game, you put the controller away before getting into bed beside Idia who already laid down playing one of his mobile gacha games. Getting comfy, you rested your head next to your friends, watching him play. It was silent save for the game, but you didn’t mind, shutting your eyes and snuggling closer into his neck to block out the light. 

“If you keep this up I might just fall for you,” You heard him murmur. Probably meant to be a confession for his ears only, but being so close to him, you heard it as clear as day.

“That doesn’t sound too bad,” You murmured back, trying to bite back your grin as your stomach fluttered violently. This was the closest to anything romantic between the two of you, and your crush on the fiery haired man had been making you wish things could just snap into place finally. After all, things between you two seemed to go smoothly, becoming friends quickly from a young age, sticking by his side through thick and thin, it had always seemed like you two were destined. Maybe that was your hopeless romantic tendencies peaking through, but you still felt that way regardless. 

Idia, on the other hand, was freaking out. You weren’t meant to hear that, his heart was beating out of his chest (mainly from anxiety). He dropped his phone on his face trying to scramble out of bed, needing to put distance between the two of you to calm down. Why did you respond like that?? Do you like him? For real? It was harder for him to think otherwise as you had been his friend for so long, he knew you wouldn’t just joke about something like this. You wouldn’t mess with his feelings…right?

“Why did you leave,” You groaned, arm outstretched. “Come back to bed, you’re warm.”

His mind was reeling, why were you acting so casually? Sure, you made some jokes that made his heart skip a beat. Inadvertently calling him your spouse, pretending like you were going to divorce him in silly arguments…actually, you made a lot of jokes about you being together. Oh seven, were you subtly trying to tell him your feelings this entire time and he was just an idiot??

“W-what are we?” Idia asked in a sudden state of panic, feeling like the walls were slowly closing in on him. You stood up from bed, face turning dead serious as you rushed over to him, hands out in a placating move.

“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” You murmured. “Can I touch you?” He nodded, unable to speak properly. Gently and slowly, you grabbed his hands, making him look you in the eye. “You’re okay, we’re okay,” You continued to consol, trying your best to ground him. This wasn’t the first time you helped him with a panic attack. “Breath with me, okay sweetheart?” Shakily, Idia tried to copy your breathing, your touch grounding him. Slowly, he felt himself come too, breathing steadying and squeezing your hands. Your gaze held so much concern, he felt like he was going to melt. He didn’t deserve you. You were so attractive, kind, and fun…why did you spend your time with a loser like him? 

“Are…are we about to kiss right now?” Idia asked, wide golden eyes locked on yours. 

You blinked, feeling a bit confused at the shift in attitude, “Are you serious? You just had a panic attack, I wouldn’t pressure you like that.”

Biting his lip, Idia’s gaze lowered to your lips, he always felt a boost in confidence when you held him, when you looked at him with nothing but concern and love, it made him confident enough to say,

“I wouldn’t mind it. N-not if it was you”

“How about tomorrow,” You offered, trying to ignore the heat that rushed to your cheeks at the thought. “I’ll kiss you as much as you want.”

“S-seriously?” Idia’s voice raised a pitch, and you were scared you almost sent him through another spiral. Instead, his hair flared violently, the tips a light pink as he peaked at you hesitantly.

“Yeah,” You grinned. “But first I need to re-energize first, and I think you do too.”

Agreeing, Idia let you drag him back to bed, head tucked in the crook of your neck. It was hard for him to fall asleep at first, haunted by the image of your lips on his own, but he eventually fell unconscious, dreams sweeter than they had ever been before.

[agoldenblackbird]

i'm gonna be a ranty bitch for a minute.

tbh i'm turned off even reading new buddie fic despite being a multishipper and have unfollowed a bunch of buddie accounts because i'm sick of the smug attitudes. one ask that i am otherwise not going to publish or respond to ended with 'sorry you don't understand media literacy bestie :)' fuck off. listen INFANT, i have been writing fanfic and original fic AND watching, reading and analyzing queer media since before you were born, i understand how character and story development works, and i know the difference between 'storyline i personally disliked' and 'bad writing.' this was BOTH, and it also was marketed to us as 'carefully crafted bi rep' and 'queer love story that is not about a bunch of pain and conflict FOR ONCE' so we have every right to be upset at the bait-and-switch.

the fact that i'm seeing the same exact posts - 'bt bones buddie CANON' that i saw three seasons ago after the bucktaylor breakup, or every time they thought buck and taylor MIGHT break up - says something. the fact that so many fans seem genuinely convinced (STILL!) that buddie is inevitable because there have been so many 'signs,' and then they rattle off a convoluted theory that would make the most hardcore taylor swift stan say 'wow, that's a bit of a reach,' honestly weirded me out a little when i first joined the 911 fandom. i have never been in a fandom where so many fans are insistent that their ship will be - not might be or could be, but WILL be - canon. i am skeptical both from past experience with other shows mishandling queer storylines or ship-baiting, and tim minnear's proven track record with this one of not really knowing what to do with buck's LI's. but i didn't want to yuck anybody's yum, so i let them have their theories and squee in peace, and unfollowed or blocked certain tags if i was seeing too much of it and getting annoyed. it's too out there for me, but i'm glad they're having fun!

yet they can't give us the same courtesy. they deride us as delusional for thinking that a canon pairing that was presented to us both in promo and the show itself as different and important (eg the bobby approval convo and 'buck getting off the hamster wheel') might last, and we're stupid to have ever liked tommy or lou or be disappointed at how the breakup was written, and if we point out the biphobia it's just sour grapes.

the bucktommy breakup is not the first time 911 has started out strong with an interesting storyline and fumbled it in the 4th quarter either because the writers got bored or in the name of needless drama/a 'gotcha' sudden twist. amir & bobby, eddie's fight club arc, the sperm donor SL, hen vs councilwoman ortiz, whatever the hell is going on with harry, the whole mess with shannon/kim, just to name a few. and especially the past couple of seasons, for me since 6b, the pacing has been off. they seem to have too much happening at once and many of the storylines don't have enough room to breathe to be narratively satisfying, or they get resolved in ways that feel lackluster.

if the toxic buddie stans who have been attacking lou on sm and sending death threats (wtf!) actually get what they want, which i admit is possible, but it's certainly not guaranteed….i don't know why they think the writers won't fumble that just as badly. it's not going to happen precisely the way they want it to because it is impossible to please everybody, that's what fanfic is for. but at this point i have zero faith that it would even be well done at all, and zero trust in the writers not to just sabotage or regress a character for funsies, and that's an excellent reason to stop watching the show. in most of my other fandoms i regard canon as a jumping-off point or a blurry outline at best, and i can have just as much fun in the 911 sandbox without any further input from canon at all, once i'm less angry.

[lonerwolff]

𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐋 ⌇𝑙𝑜𝑡𝑡𝑖𝑒 𝑚𝑎𝑡𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑤𝑠

you can also read this story on @lonerwolff on wp !

chapter 11: The symbol

previous chapter | next chapter

2021

DAISY STEPPED OUT of her car, adjusting the weight of the two full grocery bags in her arms, shutting the door with her hip.

Her car keys jingled on her finger as she exhaled and made her way up the short path to her house. She was already thinking about what she could make for lunch—especially for her sick daughter.

"Desirèe Mattison?"

Daisy froze mid-step, turning around at the unfamiliar and professional voice. A woman stood a few steps behind her with a smile on her face. Her whole look was screaming journalist.

"Yes?" Daisy responded politely, even as her body instinctively tensed.

"Jessica Roberts." The woman took a few steps closer, pulling something out of her pocket—a business card probably. "I'm a journalist. I was wondering if you had a moment."

Daisy frowned, adjusting her grip on the grocery bags. "I'm sorry, but I really don't-"

"I understand, really," Jessica interrupted. "But this is an opportunity I think you might want to hear out."

It wasn't unusual for people to reach out to her. Ever since her—their— return from the wilderness, the curiosity about what happened to them out there never faded. She had tried to stay out of the public eye as much as she could, but still, every few years, someone would come knocking on her door searching for answers.

"I'm flattered, really." Daisy said, giving her a small smile, "but I'm not interested."

Jessica's smile didn't fade. "Are you sure? I mean, i think people would want to hear your story, Desirèe. The girl who kept the peace out there. Thr girl who, well, people say was the only light in that darkness."

'well, thats new.'

Daisy blinked, her lips parting slightly in surprise at the way Jessica phrased it. Like hshe knew her, or like someone told her.

"That's very kind of you to say," she replied, shifting the bags in her arms. "But I have a daughter waiting for me inside. She's not feeling well today, so I'm just trying to be there for her."

"Of course. I totally understand. But just imagine the difference your story could make. I can guarantee you a seven-figure advance. You wouldn't even have to write it yourself. Just talk, and someone else would do the rest."

She offered Jessica a smile, soft and genuine. "That's a very generous offer. But I've spent a long time trying to build a life that isn't about what happened out there. I'd like to keep it that way."

She would lie if she said that she didn't think about it for a second—she did— just not for her own well-being. For her daughter, that money would cover her college—anything she needed. But she pushed those thoughts aside; if she did talk about what happened to her—a thing that she didn't want to do in the fistr place— she would break her promise, which she didn't want to do again.

Jessica hesitated for only a second before nodding, slipping the card she'd been holding into one of Daisy's grocery bags. "If you change your mind."

Daisy gave her a small nod of thanks and watched her walk down the driveway, her boots clicking against the pavement.

Once she was sure Jessica was gone, Daisy let out a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding and pushed the front door open with her elbow.

"Laurel, I'm home," she announced as she entered the house, kicking the door shut behind her. She dropped the grocery bags on the kitchen counter, a soft grunt leaving her lips.

"I'm in the living room," her daughter called out, her voice muffled because of her clogged nose.

Daisy rounded the corner and found her curled up on the couch under a thick blanket that was tucked under her chin, a tissue box beside her that was balanced on the armrest, a few used tissues scattered on the coffee table along an untouched cup of tea that Daisy had made just before leaving for the supermarket.

"Are you feeling any better, Elle?" Daisy asked, brushing her fingers through her daughter's dark hair.

Laurel shrugged. "A little. I didn't throw up, so that's something."

"That's good." Daisy smiled softly and kissed the top of her head. "I'll make you some soup in a bit, okay?"

"Okay." Laurel sniffled and reached for the remote as her mom stood up. Then she suddenly whipped her head towards her. "Oh! By the way, some weird postcard came for you. It's on the counter. In the kitchen."

"A weird postard?" Daisy asked as she was already entering the kitchen.

"Yeah I dunno, it just has a weird symbol on it." She shrugged.

Frowning, Daisy returned to the counter, her eyes immediately finding the postcard. It looked pretty normal—maybe kinda creepy because of the text but other than that it seemed fine, until she turned it around.

She froze in her place, looking at the symbol—their symbol— with wide eyes. 'Was this some kind of prank? Did one of the other girls send her this?'

"Mom! I'm putting on Gilmore Girls, okay?" Laurel suddenly yelled from the other room, startling and making Daisy turn back to reality.

"uhm...yeah, okay." She mumbled clearing her throat.

God. She has to call Van.

1996

DAISY WALKED beside Laura Lee, occasionally brushing her fingers against some of the leaves. Earlier, when her and Javi had returned to the cabin, the others had informed them that Nat and Travis had "won" the gun and that they had already gone off to hunt, leaving the rest of them to search for something edible in nature.

Thankfully, Daisy had been a Girl Scout once, so it was pretty easy for her to identify edible plants—or at least she hoped she still coukd.

Instinctively, she looked down at the plants, searching for anything that was familiar, like berries, acorns, mushrooms. The whole situation, walking in the forest like that was giving her a sense of déjà vu, except this time she wasn't with her old group, and their instructor wasn't leading them. They were all alone, searching for food.

"Do you think any of these are, like, maple syrup trees?" Laura Lee asked suddenly, looking up at the trees hopefully.

"I wish..." Daisy pouted just as Taissa passed by, letting out an incredulous "what?" at Laura Lee's question.

"I don't know," Laura Lee said sheepishly, still tilting her neck as she trailed after Tai.

They continued to move forwards, the blonde crouching down beside a bush to check the plant when suddenly Akilah yelled something, making Daisy turn around just to see her stopping Misty from eating something.

"It's poisonous," Akilah added.

"Like, 'kill you' poisonous or like 'trip your balls off' poisonous?" Van asked, suddenly appearing beside Misty with a curious look, making Daisy give Van a look as she stood up.

"What?" Akilah blinked. "I don't know. My Girl Scout troop leader didn't get all that specific about it."

The blonde's ears suddenly perked up at that. "No way, you were also a Girl Scout?" She smiled.

Akilah nodded and smiled back, while Taissa, who was crouched in front of a bush called for her, making the dark haired girl walk towards her.

"You were a Girl Scout?" 

Daisy turned her attention to the voice, Jackie. "Hm? Oh yeah, I was."

She smirked. "Really? I mean, I'm not surprised, but..." Jackie raised an eyebrow, crossing her arms and looking at her up and down, making Daisy jokingly roll her eyes. 

"Could you just show us something actually edible so we can get going?" Misty said abruptly to Akilah, catching the Daisy's attention, not even noticing Jackie walking away.

"What's the big hurry?" Tai asked, standing back up.

"Coach need a sponge bath?" Van teased, a smirk on her face.

The blonde gave her a look after seeing Misty's face fall. "Van," she said gently, a hint of disappointment in her voice.

"That's just mean," Taissa muttered, laughing under her breath while giving Van a light smack on the arm.

Misty stormed off—clearly offended, and Daisy took a step forward, calling for her, but the girl was already out of reach.

The blonde sighed, turning to her best friend. The redhead looked at both the girls beside her and then at where Misty once stood. 

"I'm sorry. Whatever," Van muttered, still chuckling.

Daisy huffed and rolled her eyes, turning her attention back to the ground, determined to find something. Anything edible.

"Oh my god!" she gasped suddenly, startling the others as she jogged a few steps ahead toward a low, yellow flower-covered bush.

"What?" Van asked, hurrying after her.

Daisy crouched down beside the plant, carefully brushing her fingers along its petals. "I think this is wood sorrel," she said, almost breathless with excitement. 

"Yeah, well, I don't know what that is."

'If it tastes like lemon, you're good.' That's what her troop leader used to say. So, without hesitation Daisy plucked one of the small yellow flowers and popped it into her mouth.

"Daisy! What the fuck, spit it out!" Van panicked, kneeling beside her, hands already flying to her mouth to take the flower out.

Daisy, taken by surprise, jumped back. "What? It's good..." she continued to chew casually. "It tastes like lemon, you know?"

"What the fuck do you mean 'it tastes like lemon'?" Van asked, completely baffled and clearly unamused, her hands still hovering close to her face.

"It's fine," Daisy reassured her, waving her off and smiling like she hadn't just eaten a potentially poisoned flower. "I remember this one. You can even make tea with it."

Akilah stepped closer. "She's right," she nodded in agreement, making the blonde give her a grateful grin.

Laura Lee and Taissa also gathered around, crouching to get a better look. "Well, it's not much, but at least it's something," Tai muttered, grabbing a flower.

Lottie stood a little back, her eyes flickering between Daisy and the bush with a hint of relief on her face, just before something else caught her attention.

"Should we take these now or later?" Daisy asked, glancing at them.

"Hm...maybe later, so we can grab a bag or something and search for more," Akilah suggested, making the rest agree with her.

As the others began tasting the flowers, Daisy's eyes drifted away from the group, realizing that a certain someone wasn't there. 

She spotted Lottie standing in front of a tree, her back towards her. So, quietly, Daisy plucked another flower from the plant and walked up behind her, missing the look that Van gave her.

"Guess who?" she whispered softly, covering Lottie's eyes with her hands. She felt her finch for a second before relaxing under her touch. 

"Hey Daisy," she sighed, making the blonde take her hands off her eyes and go standing beside her. 

Lottie's attention fell back to the tree, causing Daisy to do the same. She frowned, her smile fading slightly by seeing the strange symbol carved onto the bark. 

She looked back at Lottie, almost seeing all her thoughts. "It's probably just..." she paused, thinking of any possible explanation so that Lottie would just relax for five minutes. "Some type of uhm mining map, or something." That sounded dumb even to her. "I'm pretty sure they used to do it."

Daisy wasn't even sure that she had heared her, because the next second she reached out to touch the mark, and the blonde stopped her by—not so gently— slapping her hand away.

Lottie muttered something, making Daisy quickly apologize. "Sorry, I just..." she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, staring at the mark. "I don't know, just, don't touch it."

She didn't like the way it made her feel, the way her skin crawled. 'Maybe she was being influenced by Lottie a little too much.'

Lottie opened her mouth to speak, but before she could, a voice called from somewhere in the woods.

"Uh... guys?" Jackie's voice echoed.

The others turned in the direction of the voice, already walking towards it.

"What?" Van asked, the rest of the girls doing the same, but still, no answer came.

Daisy began to walk with the others, thinking that Lottie was following her, but when she turned around and saw her, her eyes still glued to the tree, Daisy reached out and gently tugged on her arm. "Come on," she whispered. "It's not worth it."

Lottie finally broke her stare and let herself be pulled along, but not without casting one last glance over her shoulder at the symbol.

When they reached the clearing, Jackie was standing a few paces ahead of them, staring at something that Daisy couldn't quite see yet. "Come here! Look!" she called excitedly.

Her breath hitched when she saw it. A small plane covered in nature and in what seemed like twisted vines and leaves. It was a little rusty, like it had been there for decades, but either way, was this their way out? could they leave? The idea of seemed impossible, and there was a high chance that it wouldn't even turn on, but Daisy didn't want to stop hoping, especially not now.

"No way," Van said, stepping up beside her.

"It must've belonged to the dead guy," Jackie said, while Laura Lee walked to the door. 

"I wonder if this still works," she murmured, already climbing into the cockpit before anyone could stop her—not like anyone was trying to.

"This is great," Jackie said, beaming. "Guys, this is it!"

She moved closer, stepping around Van who stood frozen in front of the nose of the plane, her hand instinctively brushing the blade.

A loud noise suddenly echoed trough the air, the plane's blades twisting and turning at the same time it started moving forward, rapidly.

Daisy stared with wide eyes, her heart pulsing in her throat, wondering why no one was moving. Why no one was doing anything. 

She felt a hand clamp down on her arm, hard. The grip was almost painful, fingers digging into Daisy's skin as if trying to hold her back, trying to keep her from doing something reckless or maybe, Lottie was just trying to ground herself.

All of them were yelling now, telling Laura Lee—who's face was full with panic— to turn the engine off, but she couldn't.

Without thinking, Daisy freed herself from Lottie's grip, ignoring Lottie yelling her name, sprinting towards Jackie, who had just shoved Van aside. Van, who fell hard onto the ground, Akilah and Tai immediately helping her. And now, Jackie stood in front of the plane, frozen in place, not knowing what to do or where to go.

"Jackie!" 

The distance closed fast, and right before the front of the plane reached Jackie, Daisy slammed into her from the side, dirt and leaves rose up around them as they hit the ground, Jackie letting out a surprised yelp. 

Daisy lay on the ground, an arm wrapped around Jackie's waist. Her ears rang, a sharp pain returning in her wrist. Slowly, she sat up, getting off of her friend who was now srawled beside her, wide-eyed and staring at the motionless plane.

They all stood frozen, the girls heavy breathing being the only sound in the eerily quiet forest.

Jackie finally sat up, brushing leaves from her arms and looking at Daisy. "You-" she gulped hard. "Thank you."

She stared at her, holding her arm, trying to catch her breath. "Yeah...no problem," she smiled, then turned to Van, looking between both the girls. "Are you two okay?"

"Jesus, yeah, are you?" Van asked, while Jackie only nodded. 

Daisy barely had time to respond before Van spoke again. "I mean, you could've died Dais."

Still cradling her wrist, she looked down at the dirt-streaked ground. "Well, I had to do something," she mumbled, not meeting anyone's eyes. 

Lottie stepped closer. "You shouldn't have run in like that," she said softly, sounding worried.

Daisy glanced up at her, meeting her eyes. "I couldn't just stand there."

Lottie opened her mouth, her expression torn between frustration and shock. Her gaze drifted down to Daisy's arm—the way she cradled her wrist tightly against her stomach, fingers trembling just a little. The concern in Lottie's eyes deepened.

"You're hurt," she said quietly, stepping closer.

Daisy blinked. "It's nothing." Her voice was too casual, like she was trying to brush it off before anyone could make a big deal about it. But the truth was, it did hurt. The same wrist she'd sprained during the crash, jolted again from the force of slamming into Jackie. A dull ache throbbed up her forearm, and her fingers were starting to go a little numb.

Lottie crouched in front of her, reaching out slowly, giving her a moment to pull away if she wanted to, but Daisy didn't move. Gently, she took her wrist in both hands, her touch soft but firm. "Does this hurt?" she asked, tilting it slightly.

Daisy winced, trying not to show it. "Uhm...Maybe."

Van looked between the two girls with raised eyebrows. "'Maybe' ? seriously Daisy?" 

Daisy sighed, her cheeks reddening, but she couldn't tell if it was from the attention, the pain or the way Lottie was still holding her wrist, her thumbs brushing soothingly against her skin.

Lottie didn't say anything, too focused on inspecting the injury with furrowed brows. "I think you might've sprained it again," she said gently. "We should wrap it."

"Let's wait for Misty then-" Daisy said quietly.

"No. I'll find something," Lottie interrupted, already glancing around like she might magically spot a piece of cloth or something, lying in the leaves.

"Here." Van offered her flannel, "it's clean. Kinda."

Lottie nodded in thanks, and with quiet focus, she began to tear a strip from the shirt, her hands moving with more care than Daisy expected. 

"I can do it, you know? You don't have to worry, Lot." Daisy tried to argue, but again, she was quickly interruoted by Lottie.

"No, I want to do it."

Daisy stopped fighting and as Lottie worked, she couldn't help but watch her—how Lottie's eyes narrowed in concentration, how she bit the inside of her cheek while tugging the fabric into a tighter bandage. Her fingers brushed the skin of Daisy's arm more than once, and each time, the blonde's heart skipped a beat.

"There," Lottie said softly, finally tying it off. "That should help."

Daisy nodded. "Thank you." She moved her wrist, trying to understand how it felt. If it was too tight or not. To her surprise, it wasn't.

She looked around the clearing, were some of the girls were walking around in. Some nowhjere in sight, probably leaving to go back to the cabin to tell the others that they had found a functioning plane.

"You really scared me," Lottie murmured after a beat.

Daisy looked up, thinking that she heard her wrong. "You?"

"Yes, me." Lottie gave her a look. "Jesus, you ran in front of a moving plane, Daisy."

"I had to," she said again, softer this time. Her gaze flickered toward Jackie, who was now standing with her arms crossed near the plane. "She wasn't moving. I just... didn't think."

Lottie smiled faintly, shaking her head. "You never do."

"That's not true," Daisy protested.  "I just, don't like watching bad things happen when I know that I can stop them."

Lottie looked at her for a long moment, then she raised her arm up, tucking a strand of hair behind Daisy's ear. "Still. Don't do it again, okay?"

Her breath hitched, her cheeks flushing at the gesture. "I'll try," she said, barely audible.

Behind them, Van stood with her arms crossed, watching the two of them with a slight smirk. "You two want a moment alone, or..?"

Lottie didn't move right away. She stayed crouched there for a second longer, her hand hovering like she wasn't sure whether to let go completely, while Daisy straightened abruptly, stepping back as if she'd just remembered that they weren't alone.

"We should get going," Daisy announced, quickly standing up, her cheeks burning.

The others quickly agreed, starting to leave when Lottie suddenly spoke up, her eyes fixated onto the wheeles of the plane. "It didn't want him to leave."

"What?" Daisy asked, her eyes training to the vines that wrapped around the plane's wheels, knotted together, like they had been growing there for years. "Lottie, it's just...plants."

She tried to ignore the way her stomach twisted just by looking at them. There was something wrong about them. Something off.

Lottie didn't flinch. "It stopped it," she said almost to herself. "It didn't want him to leave...and it doesn't wants us to leave either." Her eyes flicked briefly to Daisy, who gulped.

The breeze rustled the trees around them, and for a second, it felt like the forest itself was listening. Watching.

"Okayy, how about we leave now?" Daisy let out a nervous chuckle, grabbing Lottie's arm.

The blonde glanced at the plane one last time before looking at Lottie, her expression unreadable as she stared at the ground. 

As the group began walking back toward the cabin, Lottie stayed beside Daisy, seemingly normal now. Her hand hovered near the small of her back, like she wanted to touch her but  wasn't sure if she should.

She cleared her throat "You're really okay?" she asked one more time, her voice lower now, just for Daisy.

The blonde nodded even tho it wasn't entirely true. "Yeah. You?" 

Lottie smiled. "Yeah, I'm good."

Daisy kept her gaze fixed ahead as they walked, no one saying anything else. She could feel Lottie's presence close beside her, like an invisible pull. 

Her wrist throbbed under the makeshift bandage, but she barely noticed the pain now. Her thoughts were confused in the sensation of Lottie's fingers on her skin, gentle yet firm. Daisy couldn't stop thinking about it. The way Lottie cared, the way she always did.

Suddenly a light bulb went off in her head, remembering about the flower.

"Oh! I almost forgot to give you this," She reached into her pockey, her fingers brushing against the soft petals of the wood sorrel flower she had picked earlier. She pulled it out, holding it up to Lottie with an almost sheepish smile.

Lottie looked down at the small, yellow flower in Daisy's hand. Her expression softened, and a small smile tugged at her lips. "You picked this for me?"

Daisy shrugged, feeling a warmth spread across her cheeks. "Yeah, you didn't try it earlier and i thought you might like it. It, uh... tastes like lemon, by the way." She held it out further.

Lottie hesitated for a second before reaching out and taking the flower, her fingers brushing against Daisy's skin in the process. "Thank you," she said quietly. 

She brought the flower up to her lips, nibbling at the petals, and Daisy watched her, curious to see if she'd like it. "How is it?" 

Lottie's eyes met hers as she chewed thoughtfully, her lips curling into a small, satisfied smile. "Lemon. Definitely lemon." She looked down at the flower as she finished it. "It's good." Daisy felt a small sense of pride at that. 

And yes, it was just a flower—a small gesture—but Lottie couldn't help but feel something stir inside her. Content by the fact that Daisy had thought of her, that she had picked something just for her. It was so simple, yet so meaningful. Lottie hadn't expected it, but she probably should've. Daisy, who always put others first, never asking for anything in return.

She met Daisy's eyes again, her voice softer this time. "Thank you," she repeated.

Daisy, still a little flustered, shrugged again, looking away for a brief second. "It was nothing," she mumbled, but the smile on her face betrayed her.

Lottie didn't press her, but she held on to the small yellow flower as if it was something precious. And for her, it was.

author's note⭑.ᐟ So sorry for not posting anything for a week. I had to write a bunch of essays for school, plus I saw a bunch of videos on how to get better at writing and since then I've been overanalyzing EVERYTHING.

I did not proofread the last part btw, but I'll probably do it later or smth.

[sequinsmile-x]

Achrome

“She’s adorable,” she tilts her head to look at Oscar, “Both your grandchildren are.” 

It takes a second for her words to register, for the assumption she’s made to wash over him, but it makes him tense, his greatest insecurity about being an older parent hit on in an instant by a stranger.

AKA - the one where Aaron feels insecure after a comment from a stranger.

-x-

Hi besties,

This is based on an ask I got asking for a fic similar to my other one shot Cinereous where Aaron is mistaking for their kids grandparent.

I tried to post this last night but Ao3 was being a little wonky!

I really hope you enjoy this, and as always let me know what you think <3

-x-

Words: 2.8k

Warnings: None

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

“I miss Mommy.” 

The melancholy in his three-year-old daughter’s voice makes Aaron’s heart clench. He sighs and spoons some oatmeal into Oscar’s mouth, smiling as the 7-month-old grimaces, looking exactly like Emily as he protests his breakfast.

“I know you do, Vi,” he says, smiling sadly as he looks up at her and watches her push cereal around her bowl, “I miss Mommy too.”

Before they’d even started trying for Violet, Aaron and Emily sat down and discussed what their options would be if they had another baby. They decided almost immediately that one of them would leave the FBI. Her trust fund, and the money they’d both saved over the years, would have been more than enough to live on if they both decided to leave, but that hadn’t felt right for them at the time. They’d gone back and forth over which one of them should retire, both of them saying they were happy to be the one to it so someone was home with the children, but ultimately, he left. 

Emily still had some things she wanted to prove, to herself and those around her, and Aaron wanted to do the same by making the choice for their family that he hadn’t been able to make for Haley. There were times when it would make him feel guilty that he’d been able to do it so easily for Emily when he hadn’t for Haley, but he tried to tell himself he was learning from his past and that he was honouring her by being around more for Jack and his younger siblings. 

“She home soon?” 

He smiles, “She’ll be home as soon as she’s done with the case she’s on, princess. But we can talk to her tonight.”

When she was away, Emily called every evening before the kid's bedtime. She’d sing a lullaby to Oscar and read a story to Violet, and then she’d talk to Jack about his day, ask questions about school and his friends and listen intently as he talked excitedly to her. Aaron would call her back later once the kids were asleep, he’d ask about the case and in turn she’d ask for his insight, and he could picture her sitting crosslegged on a hotel bed surrounded by case files. He could always tell when she was tired, when she was as close to tears as she would ever get at work, her voice would ragged, vulnerable in a way she’d only ever be around him.

Violet sighs like she has the weight of the world on her shoulders, and rests her head on her hand and her elbow on the counter as she continues to push cereal around her bowl, “Mommy is a superhero.” 

“Exactly,” he says, turning back to Oscar to feed him some more oatmeal. The baby grimaces, again, and pushes it out of his mouth, letting it fall onto the tray of his high chair. Aaron shakes his head lovingly and sighs, “Come on buddy,” he says, holding up another spoonful, “The sooner you eat it, the sooner it’s gone.” 

Doing breakfast for Violet and Oscar after he took Jack to school was something he’d done from the start. Breakfast was, and always had been, a struggle - especially when Emily was away. Violet would be grumpy in a way that would make him worry about what her teenage years had in store for them, and Oscar would protest whatever he tried to feed him. He smiles as he thinks of a guaranteed way to cheer up his little girl, and he turns to look at her.

“How about, when we’re having breakfast, we go to the aquarium?” 

Her eyes go wide in delight, all sadness forgotten as she gasps, “We see sharkies!” 

For a reason neither he nor Emily truly understood, Violet was obsessed with sharks. Her favourite stuffed animal was a plush shark they’d bought her from the aquarium gift shop when she was a baby, and whenever they went to the aquarium she’d sit in front of the shark exhibit and stare at the tank until one of them picked her up and told her it was time to leave. They had a family pass and went most weekends. It was simple and domestic and perfect, and just about everything both he and Emily wanted for their children. 

“Yes, we can go see the sharks.” He says, and she beams at him, Emily’s smile wide across her face, and she immediately starts wolfing down her cereal, and he laughs, “Slow down, sweetheart. The sharks will still be there no matter what, okay?” 

She smiles at him, “Yes, Daddy.” 

As soon as Violet is done eating she puts on her shoes, not resisting them for once, and she sits impatiently in the living room as he gets Oscar ready. 

Even though it had been over three years since he left the FBI, Aaron was always nervous when he was out with the kids in public, especially when he was alone. It made him think of every awful thing he’d ever seen happen, every child snatched in plain sight. It made him want to do nothing more than keep them safe at home, but he didn’t want to pass his concerns on to them, never wanted his nervousness to become something they inherited. 

He wanted his children to be brave like their mother’s, fearless and wilful and everything he was sure would one day make him tear his hair out. 

He briefly takes his eyes off Violet, who is sitting on the ground a few feet in front of him, so close to the exhibit he’s surprised she can see anything other than her own reflection in the glass, her elbows on her knees and her head in her hands as she looks wide-eyed at the sharks. He quickly looks at Oscar, smiling at the fast-asleep baby against his chest, safe and secure in the carrier Emily often joked was a magnet for single women who would flock to him in the park or at Jack’s soccer games. He never saw it himself, never thought that the people she claimed were flirting with him were doing anything close to it, and he’d always smile and wave off her concerns. 

Even if someone was flirting with him, she was the only person he saw. 

Aaron looks up at his daughter, “Vi, Oscar’s asleep,” he says, smiling when she looks over her shoulder at him, “Five more minutes and then we’ll go, okay?” 

She nods and looks back at the tank, “Okay.”

He feels his phone vibrate in his pocket and he tugs it out, his smile getting wider when he sees a text from Emily on the screen. 

I don’t know how you did this job for so long. 

He quickly takes a picture of Violet in front of the tank and a selfie of him and a sleeping Oscar, the small patch of drool under his mouth visible in the picture, and types out a response before he sends them to her. He knew it was always what she needed, a reminder of what she had waiting for her at home, because that was what had always helped him. 

I knew I had you to come home to. Your mini-me is in her favourite place. 

It doesn’t take long for a reply to come through, and it makes him chuckle as he looks back and forth between his phone and Violet. 

And your mini-me is in my favourite place. 

He looks up when someone joins him on the bench, a young woman with a baby strapped to her chest too and he smiles politely, “Hi.” 

“Hi,” she replies, nodding over towards Violet, “Is she yours too?” 

He nods and puts his phone away, “She is, she loves the sharks. I think she’d stay here forever if I let her.”

The woman chuckles politely, “She’s adorable,” she tilts her head to look at Oscar, “Both your grandchildren are.” 

It takes a second for her words to register, for the assumption she’s made to wash over him, but it makes him tense, his greatest insecurity about being an older parent hit on in an instant by a stranger. He knew he was old enough to be the father of some of the other parents at Violet’s daycare. It made him hyper-aware of his greying hair, of the salt and pepper at his temples that Emily seemed to love. She’d run her fingers through it sometimes, scratch against it to hear the rasp of it against her nails, and in those moments he’d love it too. 

He falters, unsure what to say, but Violet runs over, interrupting him as she places her hands on his knees, “Daddy, home time.” 

He hears the woman next to him suck in a breath, her cheeks red as he smiles at Violet, and she stutters over an apology. He shakes his head and smiles tightly before he turns his attention to Violet, shrugging off the sting of the stranger’s assumption as he stands up and offers his daughter his hand. 

“Come on princess, time to go home.” 

___

Emily sighs in relief as she steps into her house, the smell and warmth of home washing over her as she closes the front door behind her, blocking out the outside world. She dumps her bag just inside the door, making a mental note to get it in the morning, and walks further into the house, keen to seek out her husband and children even though she knew everyone would already be in bed. 

It had only been three days since she’d left home for the case the team had just solved, only three days since she’d kissed Aaron and the kids goodbye before she walked out of the house, a cup of tea in her favourite to-go mug pressed into her hand by her husband as she stepped out onto the porch. It felt like longer, like it had been weeks since she’d seen them. She loved her job, loved her career, but there were times when being away, when only seeing her children’s days through pictures - like the ones Aaron had sent from the aquarium that morning - simply wasn’t enough. 

She sneaks into Jack’s room first. He’s asleep, his arms curled around a stuffed dog they all pretend he doesn’t need to snuggle in his sleep any more. She sits on the edge of his bed and stares at him for a moment, unsure when he started to look quite so grown-up. Sometimes it was hard to accept that he was getting older, that he was starting to push the boundaries of his independence for the first time. She still thought of him as the little boy who made her a mom, the boy who showed her that she could be a mom, that she wasn’t destined to repeat the cycle she’d been born into. 

She leans forward and kisses his forehead, whispering her love for him against his skin, and then she stands up, making sure to avoid the squeaky floorboard in his room so she doesn’t wake him up. 

She goes into Violet’s room next. The toddler had insisted on her room being painted purple, a colour she was obsessed with as soon as she realised her name was a shade of it, and even in the low light of the nightlight in the corner of the room, Emily could see the hues of it on the walls. She smiles at the sight of Violet fast asleep at the wrong end of the bed, her butt up in the air and her cheek firmly against the mattress. Emily carefully moves her, gathering her little girl against her chest and breathing her in for a moment before she settles her back against her pillows. Violet stirs as Emily re-arranges her covers around her, her face screwing up into a frown that never failed to make her look like Aaron. 

“Mama?” 

Emily smiles and runs her fingers through Violet’s dark hair, “Yes, sweet girl,” she says, leaning in to kiss her temple, “It’s Mama. Go back to sleep.” 

Violet grumbles, still half asleep, “Missed Mama.” 

Emily’s smile shakes and she continues to run her fingers through her little girl’s hair, “Mama missed you too, baby. I love you,” she says, “Go to sleep.” 

She stays until Violet drifts off, not that she’d ever been fully awake in the first place, and she walks the short distance to the nursery. Oscar is fast asleep, his head lulled to one side, and she kisses him, taking a moment to run her knuckles over his cheek, “Love you, sweet boy.” 

When she walks into the master bedroom she smiles at the sight of Aaron, fast asleep with his arm laid out over her side of the bed as if she was there. She makes quick work of getting ready for bed, only briefly noting a strange smell in there that she can’t quite place, wanting nothing more than to snuggle up to her husband. She sighs contently when she finally does, lifting his arm so she can sneak under it, stamping a kiss against his knuckles as she hugs it to her chest. 

“Hi.” 

She smiles at the roughness in his voice, the sleepiness that was entirely hers, and she turns in his arms, her eyes meeting his in the low light of their room, “Hi.” 

He stamps a kiss against her lips, “I missed you.” 

She hums and snuggles up against him, her face buried in his neck, “I missed you too,” she breathes him in and frowns, the same smell from the bathroom washing over her instead of the scent of him, “You smell weird.” 

He tenses against her, his told on her briefly tightening, “Do I?” 

She frowns and pulls back, “It’s strong, almost like…” She drifts off as it clicks into place, the smell finally getting its name as she sits up and turns the light on his nightstand on, her suspicions confirmed when she sees his dark hair, none of the usual grey flecks at his temples that she was used to, “Did you dye your hair?” 

He stares at her, his eyes slightly wide as if she wouldn’t have figured out that her husband had dyed his hair. He swallows thickly and nods, “Yes.” 

She furrows her brow and waits him out, waits for him to explain why, and when he doesn’t she clears her throat, “Any particular reason why?” 

“Do I need a reason?” 

She runs her fingers through his hair, scratching her blunt nails against where he usually had flecks of grey, “Of course not,” she replies, “It just seems…out of nowhere. And unlike you.” 

Another few seconds of silence pass and he leans into her hand as she cups his cheek, seeking out the comfort she always had ready and waiting for him, “Today at the aquarium, a woman thought I was the kid's grandfather.” 

She sighs and her eyes drift closed. Her chest aches for him, and she’s briefly overwhelmed by the desire to somehow find out who this woman is and hunt her down. She shifts closer, “Honey…” 

“I know it’s stupid-”

“It isn’t stupid,” she cuts him off, “I’d be upset too.” 

“I did it without thinking really,” he furrows his brow, “It looks weird. I didn’t expect it to look all one block colour. Like I’m one of Jack’s Lego figures.” 

She shakes her head at him, suppressing a laugh by clearing her throat, “It doesn’t look weird,” she says, “It just looks different,” she smiles softly, “I really like the grey look on you, if that means anything.” 

“I know you do, sweetheart. And don’t worry, I won’t do it again,” he clears his throat in embarrassment and avoids her eye contact, “Oscar took one look at me and cried.” 

She does laugh this time, pressing her lips together when he raises an eyebrow at her, “Sorry, honey.” 

He smiles, shaking his head lovingly at her, “I’m sorry I’m an idiot.” 

“You’re not an idiot,” she says, stamping her lips against his, “That woman is an idiot,” she kisses him again, “You’re my very handsome,” she kisses him again, “Very smart,” she kisses him again and pulls back, “Very sexy, husband. And that will be true no matter what.” 

He rests his forehead against hers, “I love you.” 

“I love you too,” she replies, stamping her lips against his again, “Shall we get some sleep?” 

He nods, his forehead knocking against hers, and he switches the lamp off as they lay down, curling his arm around her, his chest pressed against her back, “Maybe we can both go grey together.” 

She chuckles and pats his arm, “Oh honey, if the world isn’t ready for a greying dad, it certainly isn’t ready for a greying mom.” 

[artytaeh]

listen. i am slighlty obsessed with mamma mia— which means i adore abba's songs.

and, because i'm in a huge harry potter brain rot, guess what: amanda seyfried and dominic cooper's duets could so easily be you, reader, and the weasley twins singing with you, because they know just how much you love listening to abba. indulge me:

SHOULD ABBA BE ONE OF YOUR FAVORITE groups to listen to, well; a good taste is something that you're guaranteed to have. listening abba can be done at any time of the day, really; as you get dressed for classes, while you clean up, even during some parties because dancing queen never gets old.

hey, it's iconic! you don't even have to defend yourself over your tastes and preferences.

and being your best friends, inevitably you push these habits onto fred and george weasley. to the point that the twins know every. single. line. by heart.

they also know when it's their turn to sing! do you really think that the twins would waste the opportunity to have a dramatic duet with you?

i feel like fred is the most enthusiastic about it. lay all your love on me gets more tension between you two, as you stare into each other's eyes, feeling every line:

no, fred wasn't a jealous man at all when he met you! but yes, every man fred sees now is a potential threat, trying to take you away from him — usually, he lifts you up on his arms, looking around with a serious look, as if to watch out of his best-friend-slash-love-of-his-life thieves.

george is possessive! which isn't nice. he uses his fingers to pretend that he was holding a cigarette, blowing air like a smoker would, because now he has another obsession, a bigger vice: you!

now all of this isn't true. now everything is you— and this is when both twins make their way to you, crowding, surrounding you, leaving nowhere to run.

all that the cheeky twins have learned has overturn: so they beg of you — george kneeling on the floor, fred pointing at his bleeding heart —, making you laugh everytime.

you get to sing the other part of the song freely, with even more enthusiasm as them, knowing every low and high of the song, and the twins can't help but smile everytime you are this happy.

on the chorus, though? the three of you are screaming, yelling your lungs out.

⭑ unironically, i feel like at least one of the twins finds out they're in love with you here. fred, probably because he feels the song too strongly, feeling selfish of you, wishing all of your love to be layed on him— george, on the other hand, realizes how insanely in love he is for you. how (healthily. he hopes.) obsessed he is for you, and all of the moments you spend together.

⋯ ⋯ ﹒ 🪻 ’

HOWEVER, ONE OF US gets a playful yet theatrical vibe, exchanging smiles and dramatic expressions, as if you and them really had just argued. as if you're a couple on the verge of breaking up, as if you were rotting on bed, wishing to be on george's arms or listening to fred's schemes— at the burrow, a place that feels like a second home to you, because it's where fred and george are on their most domestic habits.

once the music starts, the three of you get a neck ache, snapping your heads to stare at each other, grabbing any cylindrical object to be your microphone.

the trio has enough seconds to change their goofy, enthusiastic smiles into sorrowful expressions, frowning as if this was a painful truth to be sang.

you sing. you point at them, accusing them of breaking your heart— everytime this happens, george looks at you, offended that you think he'd do such a thing! fred, on the other hand, nods as if he was accepting his fault.

they sing together the lyrics, fred finishing with ''waiting for a call...'', looking at you a little too lovingly— secretly, fred hexed a box with all of your letters, which he reads during school break and holidays that you're far from them, dearly missed by him. every morning, fred weasley wakes up in hopes that mixed with arthur's work letters, harry's letters to ron and ginny's friends giftcards, there's something written by you to him.

they sing together a few more words, because this time, it's george who finishes the chorus by himself: ''wishing he had never left at all...''; a feeling he remembers all too well, every single time he has to leave your company to go to his own classes, classes that you don't share due to belonging to different houses. that little heartache, of seeing you turn your back and leave, after waving him goodbye— you live in different houses, sometimes too far for him to chase your company in the middle of the night, or to straight up tell you something stupid he just remembered.

deep down, everytime this song is so passionately sang by the three of you, the twins wish to never get to feel exactly as the song proposes. the feeling of things getting so bad, that one of you has to leave.

being the most patient and known as the "good" twin of the duo, george is hopeful that being on no-speaking-terms wouldn't happen, and if it did, only lasts a few hours. george is hoping that you and him are such a good match, a match made in heaven and hell, never fight this hard.

however fred, the "bad", 10% more devilish of the duo, fears that his impulsive words might hurt you so much one day, that he'll be laying on his bed and wishing to be with you instead, knowing he messed up.

⋯ ⋯ ﹒ 🪻 ’

AT FIRST, THE TWINS FROWNED at your music taste. sometimes abba's songs are frequent in some dorms' parties; fred too focused on dancing and jumping amongst the other students' enthusiasm. george, however, is a little more observant of the others' fun, watching his friends dance and other boys trying to make a move on the girls they fancy— which means, watching is baby brother ron trying to get a dance with hermione.

it gets them a little effort to like abba as much as you do. george is the first to learn the lyrics, making an effort for you and to sing a long on car drives. fred struggles at first, but gets surprised when his voice naturally sings along.

when did he learn the full song? the full album, even? he accuses you of bewitching him.

( truthfully, fred becomes a bit of a bigger fan of abba than george, now that he gets to dramatically and theatrically sing the songs with you. )

⋯ ⋯ ﹒ 🪻 ’

pretending that you're a little older and flirting with him on does your mother know?, or what mostly happens: you're singing it out of spite when the twins mess up, and you just know that they will, sooner than later, listen to molly weasley's wrath for their current mess.

all brotherly and stupidly supportive, being the one who remembers to sing chiquitita of all songs, fred starts the famous ''chiquitita tell me what's wrong...'' when you're sad about a low grade or crying— yes, this makes george wheeze his voice out everytime even though he tries so much to take your problems seriously.

waterloo is a song you feel... personally. because everytime you are defeated— fred and george won the war: convincing you to join their schemes, silly pranks, and future plans. the history book on the shelf is always repeating itself: you, fred and george at the crime scene once again. you promise to love fred and george forevermore— fred teases that you couldn't escape even if you wanted to (mf is tall, has long legs and is capable of running FAST after you); george, on the other hand, assures that he knows, fred knows, you know that your fate is to be with them.

going to detention, fred opens his arms to you, and soon george gets what his (slightly) older brother is about to scream: "can't you hear me? SOS!"; when you're gone, though they try, how can they carry on? detention is a little more bearable when you're caught red-handed with them, and so, you, fred and george have a date later at evening, to clean the great hall or other part of hogwarts. "and the love you gave me, nothing else can save me, SOS!" is a lyric you know all too well, because if you decide to be a little more sarcastic, slightly cold to them, george wraps your shoulders with his arm and tilts his head to look at you and sing it to you, meanwhile, fred shows up in front of you with a forearm glued to his forehead. a true damsel in distress, now that he sees the little sassy monster he and george created.

super trouper is a core memory to you, the twins, and dear ginny weasley, once again crying because of her first unrequited love on harry potter. something only you know, because you and ginny wouldn't want poor harry to suffer too much with fred and george's pranks. this time, each of your hands pull one twin to the side, then you point at ginny, who's a little more calm after crying her eyes out, and sing the first part of the song. fred thinks it's a good idea, honestly, since you always laugh at chiquitita, and for a second george seems to regret this friendship. because, are you serious? but then, when ginny smiles and accepts your invitation to join the spectacle, george decides that super trouper is a favorite of his— specially because he and fred know that somewhere in the crowd, you'll be there. and they'll be there when you arrive. always. forever, if fate allows them.

on valentine's day, george is the one to start this whole abba epidemy you're having. take a chance on me starts shyly with george, because you haven't received any letters or chocolates despite your popularity (which is cough more of fred and george's fault cough after effective threats on any funny little guy who fancies you). fred laughs incredulously, because as bad with seriously sweet words as he is, he doesn't believe that is identical twin is starting this conversation with an abba song. but of fucking course. and if you're wondering, yes, it did work. you took a chance on them.

voulez-vous is sang by you, the twins, and everyone else at the hufflepuff's party, when the team wins against slytherin. it's then that fred, if he wasn't an official fan of abba, admits that you have a good taste— because it's easily one of the funniest and enjoyful moments of the party: if there were students outside the dance floor, with voulez-vous, everyone is standing up and crowding hufflepuff's common room. layers of circles of students move to the left, the layer behind to the right, and so on. the whole time you're singing to fred and george, and when it's time to your students' circle to move again, fred gets on your left so george stands on your right, making sure that the enthusiasm of other students don't push you to the ground, or hurt you unintentionally. even when they're having the most fun, fred makes sure you're in the middle of them— for the first time, being the slightest responsible twin.

and yet, when you're being the kindest soul to help the weasley twins decorating their shop, money money money is the mandatory song to attract good business, good luck, and good clients for them. it'll be a rich man's (men) world indeed, when weasley's wizard wheezes starts getting so famous, that fred and george promptly have a jar of savings— money to be spent with you, on you, for you. to spoil their best-friend-slash-love-of-their-lives.

🪻 ; . . . fandom : harry potter.

— should i make this a series? one of the bands / artists that i relate to fred and george weasley is, undoubtedly, abba. michael jackson is a close second— remember the time is so them coded, idfc.

the headers + gifs + icons aren't mine. credits to the respective creators ! 🌷

[wroteclassicaly]

Steve painting your toenails when you’re pregnant. You’ve never seen that man more focussed. Except that one time when he was putting your daughter’s crib together and went overboard, because he panicked it would somehow fall apart, and she’d get hurt.

“You think she’ll let me do this for her when she gets a little older?” He doesn’t look up, swiping the pastel blue across your pinky toe (the hardest one).

“She’s gotta get here first, baby.” You tease.

You pick up your cool drink, swiping a finger across the condensation, the drink he’d catered you with before getting out your nail polish caddy and supplies. Steve always makes sure to keep you pampered, knowing what you’re doing to grow his tiny human. It’s annoying sometimes, especially with your fluctuating hormones, but he takes it in stride. He’d read all the baby books before you, attended every check-up, made sure you favorite foods were available, prepared the nursery, helped you nest, even started picking up the task of assisting in shaving your legs. And when he couldn’t be there to satiate your food cravings, he always had someone on stand by who could pick it up for you.

As for the other things? You weren’t sure who was more sexually addicted to one another. Your hormones were going wild for Steve’s scent, those hands, those freckles, that mouth, his body, that thick fucking cock, his fucking hair — everything. It didn’t matter what he did, it could be something simple that would set you off. And his fascination with your newly round belly, the little kicks that appeared underneath his massive palm, how tender you seemed to be between your legs or your breasts.

Your tits… fuck. The way they’ve swollen with milk in preparing to feed your daughter, all the visuals that Steve has, the way he holds the heavy globes, caressing, indulging, fascinated in your body changing and giving you what you need for a new person to enter the world. You and Steve had made that decision immediately. To feed her from your breast, if you could, hoping she wouldn’t have trouble taking. The way his heart swelled thinking about you caring for something, someone, that you both made. Two people who were once strangers, at different ends of the social hierarchy spectrum.

All that you’ve been through, all that you’re going through, and all that you will go through in the years to come.

“I know it’s usually a mother daughter thing, but I don’t know —“

“Steve,” you say softly, hand laying over top his. His watch catches beneath the lamplight, his thumb-pad swiping to caress your knuckles. “It’s an activity she can do with both of us, if that’s what she wants to do. I know how involved you wanna be with her life, and it’s okay, baby. You will be, even if she decides she wants to play with makeup, you can be the test dummy. And if she wants to play hair salon, your hair —“

“Woah, woah,” Steve lifts the small polish lid, color almost dripping. You snort and shake your head. He begins to focus back on your toes. “We can bring Uncle Eddie over for that one.”

You’re just sipping on your soda, knowing that even his precious hair isn’t off limits in regards to his little girl. Already having him wrapped around her finger, he’s pretty much guaranteed to be the beauty shop test dummy. And he knows that as well, and he would not have it any other way.

[fellow-human-writer]

On writing motivation and writer's block (+ a special piece of my own writing)

So, for a self-proclaimed writer, I haven't been doing very well with my writing lately. It's been well over six months now since I last wrote anything of substance (I spent two weeks writing a chapter every day and burned myself out, but that's a story for another day). Right now, it's hard to not feel a bitter sense of guilt about it all. Where has all my motivation gone? How dare I call myself a writer? Maybe I should just forget about it. I'd never make it anyway. But then, I remember one particular piece of writing I produced over 9 months ago, some time before hitting my big wall. A seemingly random fragment from chapter 9 of my semi-abandoned WIP. Perhaps it will read as nothing special to you. I won't claim it to be perfect, or even great writing. But to me, it is hope. I showed it to my one and only beta (more like alpha) reader at the time, who'd been keeping up with my novel-writing endeavors, and they told me that these paragraphs had evoked deep feelings in them. That they were beautiful. It won't have that effect on everyone—hell, it won't have it on most people. But, at the very least, I made one person feel something beautiful with my writing. I know that. And is that not what this is all about? As long as I can make one person feel, maybe it's all worth it after all. I will keep calling myself a writer. I won't give up. And I guarantee, you reading this right now have the ability to make people feel too, no matter what. Be strong, friend. I will be rooting for you. I want to share that special fragment of mine with you all. It's out of context, given that it's from chapter 9 of a novel, but I think it can mostly stand on its own. One crucial piece of worldbuilding first: The main trait this fantasy world has is that its two continents (gigantic floating islands/landmasses) are situated in such a way that the one on top (the "highlands") block most of the light/sky for the residents of the one below (the "lowlands"), which is where our POV character currently is, going through some magical trial or other (you'll see!) Without further ado, here's said piece of writing. I hope at least one of you out there who randomly came across this post enjoys it :]

Leiden looked up. The base of the highlands couldn't be more than a couple dozen paces away. From so up close it felt even more oppressive than usual. He noticed a second plaque, inlaid in the roof of the tower, where he was standing. There was more to the trial, as he suspected. After reading its contents, however, he felt confused. ‘I'm glad to see you make it here. Your task is simple: Feast upon the beauty of the sky.’ He looked up again. It would be hard to feast upon what wasn't there. If he looked to the sides, he could just barely make out the thin lines of sky visible beyond the highlands. It didn't feel like enough to exactly feast upon. For the sake of trying something, he lied down with his back to the stone. He had enjoyed cloud watching, back when he was above. Even though there were only rocks on top of him, he wrapped his hands behind his head, and tried to remember the feeling of admiring the sky. He closed his eyes and pictured a summer afternoon, with an open sky decorated by a few lonely clouds. What was the point of this trial? Maybe it had once been possible to see the sky from here. Had the highlands not always been above the lowlands? Perhaps it was all part of the trial. Slowly, those complicated thoughts ran out of steam, and Leiden became fully involved in his personal sky, and his little clouds. It was nice. It had been a while since he'd felt like he could afford to take a moment to just relax. He saw shapes of all kinds in the clouds, as they swirled and morphed and danced with the wind. Sometimes the sun peeked from behind, bathing him in rays of light. He realized there was no need to limit himself to one kind of sky. A wave of darkness swept over the azure background, and small brilliant dots started to cover the sea of black. The moon stood out amongst them all, shining with borrowed light. It seemed larger than usual, like it was stretching to cover Leiden's view to the fullest extent it was capable of. For a moment, within himself, Leiden stopped feeling alone as he became part of a whole. He was a blade of grass, swaying in the dirt, surrounded by acres of grassy fields. He was a star, shining with the endless power of the sun; a speck, part of a map of dots where each one represented wonders beyond a human’s capability to understand. He was everything, and yet he was nothing at all. It was a realization that often eluded a species defined by their willingness to work against nature. What separates a human from an eagle, soaring through the clouds; or an ant, working hard for the good of its colony? What makes us so different from a flower, helping the bee produce its food in exchange for having their lineage continued? Are we so different from a gust of wind, ephemeral in its passing, yet meaningful all the same? Leiden felt like a mote of dust, suspended in a beam of light. Visible only as long as the sun shined, yet always there. He floated in the air, no longer supported by the steady stone beneath him. Well done, child, a voice said. He was so surprised by the voice that he snapped out of his daydreaming. He opened his eyes and realized that he really was floating—or he had been, until the free fall started.

Thank you sincerely for taking the time to read it. It means a lot. I would love to hear what more people think of it. I'm still severely lacking as a writer, but I'm proud of it. It's more poetic than what I usually produce. That's all for today, friends. I hope you have a wonderful day. Good luck on your writing endeavors! We'll make it through, together <3

[tinsnip]

Ok, so bmouse says WIPs should be finished in honour of Garashir on Lower Decks, and I agree.

I'm writing again! It's nice but also work! If you like my Garashir, you might like what's below the read-more. Spoilers for "The Smallest Things" and this is a rough draft.

Dear Ezri,

I hardly know where to start.

I suppose I could start a week ago, when I moved into Garak’s home in Kardasi’or, but that seems to gloss over a few details.

Perhaps instead I’ll go back to two weeks ago when I arrived here on Cardassia and immediately got arrested for harassment of a senior official & resisting arrest. Really, it was immediately. About two hours elapsed from Cardassian soil to Cardassian jail. This is where you can pretend to be surprised, by the way. I was surprised: two hours is a new record for me.

Garak’s just passed by and has asked that I put in a hello, and has also charmingly added that given that it was me, he would have expected the arrest in closer to one hour. Ho ho. He hasn’t changed.

Actually, he has changed. But I don’t know what to say about that yet.

I’ve only been here in person for two weeks, and we’ve seen each other surprisingly little over that period. It turns out that being a person of seemingly some importance in the local government eats up a great deal of his time. He doesn’t sleep much.

But he does make time to cook dinner for us - actually cook! (He won’t let me, as I’m awful at it, which I agree with wholeheartedly.) We have a very small replicator, honestly quite the step down from even the worst standard repli on DS9 - but it can spit out a reasonable variety of ingredients I don’t recognize, and even a sort of facsimile of a tomato, which Garak managed to turn into something surprisingly close to a nice spicy arrabiatta. That was a treat (once I managed to forget that the pasta was some kind of fungus). And I’m getting used to a mostly-strict standard Cardassian breakfast and lunch regimen, as Garak’s not around when I wake up (or for most of the day), and the replicator’s pre-made selection is minimal. And bland. Fish soup is prevalent. Lots of little dry cakes. Not all awful, though - have you ever heard of ikri buns? 

I keep putting this letter down and picking it up again. It’s so hard to put how I’m feeling into words.

I’m happy. I’m so happy. I can’t express it. I’m warm through with it. But I know myself, I know that’s new love. (It’s love! He loves me, Ezri! And I love him, God help me. I’m so in love.) And I know new love fades, and I know things get in the way of love, and I know I don’t see him much, and here I am on a planet that doesn’t like me much - a criminal record after two hours, remember - and also I stand out, and it’s not good for him to have a partner that stands out for a variety of reasons, especially a sort of quasi-Starfleet Human physician - not so much not good for him as not good for his position, which is him. You know it. You know him, and how he feels about Cardassia. You know what it means for him to choose me, despite what it could do to his possible influence here.

You knew better than I did.

And yet here I am in his house, and I’m very happy, and I’m also afraid.

I thought about crossing out that last bit, or at least rewording it, but it’s true. And anyway, I don’t need to watch my words with you, do I? I think you’re the only person I know who could understand what I’m getting at. Miles barely knows about any of this - he’ll be flattened when I next write to him and casually drop my new location (and the letter back will burn off my eyebrows). And Rijal doesn’t like Garak, and is also quite upset with me for leaving—

I’m on indefinite leave, by the way. I’ve taken leave from Starfleet Medical (hence the ‘quasi’ above). I can apply for re-entry at any time within the next two years, the form letter assures me, as I’ve not been discharged or formally resigned my commission. My former duty spot is, of course, not guaranteed, but they promise they’ll make every effort to accommodate my preferences. Once two years are up, it gets a bit more complicated. Manageable, but complicated.

So here I am, not responsible to anyone and far from what was home, without much of anyone to talk to except Garak. And I find I can’t really talk to him about this.

Ezri, I am terrified.

Everything has changed for me. I still can’t believe how this started out with something so small, with a letter and with you leaving (and I still miss you, by the way, and hope you’re well and happy, forgive my parentheses as I’m a bit all over the place). And then things got extremely complicated. A year ago I could never have predicted how things would change, how my life would suddenly seem to shrink to something so small, and then be so weirdly… expanded.

I think I have some idea how you felt when you were joined with Dax. If that’s not too presumptuous, which it probably is, but… I could never have imagined myself doing this, a year ago. I thought I could see my life rolling out comfortably in front of me.

And now this.

I’ve leapt before I looked, as you wisely knew I would. And I told myself I’d sort things out when I landed. But instead I seem to still be falling, with no idea where or when I’m going to land. And you told me so.

But, and please forgive my tortured metaphor, he’s here with me, and we’re falling together, and I know I’m being sappily romantic and this probably won’t end well, and I know I’m scared and he’s scared too even though he’d never admit it, and I also know that I am damned well going to try.

Cardassia can take all the shots it wants at me. I’m ready. Bravery is being afraid and doing it anyway, right? (Garak is now reading over my shoulder, and he says that no, that is not bravery, that is stupidity. He’s also put his arms around me, so I suppose my stupidity is either expected or forgiven.) I hope I can find a way to practice medicine here, but if that’s not what’s needed of me right now, then all right, I’ll adapt. Right now Garak says our best bet for this to all work out, politically and for the two of us, is for me look harmless and ornamental and not at all dangerous (I will never forgive you for the way you’re grinning). So I’m staying at home, and I’m reading, and I’m learning. When I go out I’m on his arm. I’ve done two public appearances at local reading-groups, and I’ve been a guest on a talk show, which has already invited me back. I’ve been told my looks are exotic and my smile is charming and I’m honestly one of the nicest Humans they’ve ever met, if one doesn’t mind the smell and the way we shed.

So I suppose in addition to giddily happy and stomach-churningly frightened, I’m also getting irritated.

This isn’t going to be easy, Ezri. Thank you for warning me. Thank you for telling me to be careful. And thank you for supporting me when you realized I was going to do whatever I wanted, no matter the consequences.

Perhaps in a year, when things settle down a bit, you could come visit? I could take you to see the Alik Dunes, not far from Kardasi’or. It’s a walkable distance from the furthest train stop, actually. They’re the site of the first successful regreening project in this area after the Fire. There’s a little tea shop, and an area where one can walk barefoot. The plants feel very good on one’s soles. Garak and I go there sometimes, and almost no one takes pictures. I think you’d like it.

I miss you. I hope you’re well. I hope you’re having grand adventures. I hope you can lend me a little courage as I start out on this one.

Best wishes, and all my love,

Julian Bashir

[blond3ang3l]

Lemme give you a megaphone so the ppl in the back can hear you bestie‼️🫶🏽

Like yes I wanna be longingly fucked sideways with fingers down my throat till I’m all teary eyed but….what if me and him just went to a museum and look at marble statues or paintings made by artists from long ago and point out the small details while sharing the historical context behind them. Or what if we held hands while going to a coffee shop owned by a small business then an old bookshop. We could read classic literature and write poems to each other or sum🤷🏾

I love this so much. Like the causal intimacy of being together with your girlfriend/boyfriend and being able to have interesting conversations and spending time with you is what makes doing things like this so great. Both of your phones away in your back pockets so that you both have one another’s attention. Time can go by so fast without the distractions of other people around trying to voice opinions. Learning together and growing together as you both grow older.

There are many different characters I can see this with. Especially when it comes to the women. Most time they are some of the most intellectual people and they just get thrown off. The AOT girls are the first ones that come to mind. Mikasa and Historia especially. Those two would absolutely love to do something casual with you. Historia is an absolute renaissance art lover. Michaelangelo is would be one of her favorite artists. She knows so many facts and can tell you for literal hours. Painting dates ejth Historia oh my lord. One of her favorite things to do. She’s so messy with it and it’s so cute.

Mikasa though? She’s all for cafe dates. She is obsessed with you. Now I think Mikasa and Historia had a bit more fancier taste because of who they are, but Mikasa loved being to be close to you and just hear you talk to her about just about anything. Her pretty nails that you did for her, twisting around your curls as she sat prettily on your lap while you fed the small cake that she bought for you guys.

Another girl I think this works for is Bulma from dragonball. Oh my god that woman is beautiful and smart. Museum dates are 100% guaranteed. She’s one of the smartest characters in that entire show and you think you’re getting out of hearing everything that woman knows? She is so graceful with it too. The two of you walking around hand in hand while she educates you on all the different facts is so amazing. She also loves how much you know on your niche and different interests. Especially if comes things about science or the body. She loves being able to talk to someone on her level or educate you.

When it comes to men the first thing to comes to men first people that come to mind are Nanami and Levi. We all know how Nanami is, he’s the hardworking man that we all love and there’s no way you guys don’t have a museum date at least once. But, I can see nanami doing bakery dates. Something small you both can fit in your busy schedules because nanami had made a vow to himself that you guys do at-least two times a month. He loves to use that time to discuss anything you think has been affecting you guys, whether to be in the relationship or just something bothering you at work or whatever. If there’s nothing bother you then you guys just talk about any events coming up or even planning the future you want to have for the both of you. It’s the ambiance of the bakery that makes you both feel so calm which is so different from the many things you have to do all day. He holds your hand as you speak, rubbing his thumb over your knuckle while watching your lips as he digest every word that comes from your lips.

Levi is totally the bookstore date kind of man. Sometimes you guys don’t really want or have anything to talk about. You just both miss each other so you sit together while reading. Both doing your own thing but being close enough to fill the need of being together. You both have your own books (headcanon that Levi prefers audio books instead cause of his lost of vision) and you rest your hand on his lap as you sit together on the small bench in for bookstore. He is retired so you two take a lot of time to yourselves, just enjoying the presence of one another..

Even people like Captain price and Laswell from call of duty, they love going out to drive in movies with you. You end up sitting on their lap while they laid in the back seat. Halfway through the movie those two aren’t even watchin anymore. Laswell would just be kissing the back of your neck while wrapping her arms around your waist, silently thinking about how lucky she is to have you in her life. While price is just happily watching all perched up in his lap, smoking his cigar, and thinking about how in love he is with you.

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Anyways I love all these ideas and a lot of people currently (especially men) don’t do dates and showing affection like people used to. I feel with how everything is on social media people just mostly look for someone sexually or they base a lot of opinions on the sexual aspect of the relationship. Like yeah that’s great and all but I want someone to YEARN for me. To want to be around me and miss me when I’m gone. Someone willing to remember small things because I feel like when someone knows you well knows what efforts to put in when it comes to loving you and showing you ways they do.

And I’m fortunately lucky enough to have a man like that❤️ @insane-juggalo

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

im a trans boy who has grown up with very oppressive religious parents so ive never gotten the chance to experiment sexually or romantically with peers irl, im about to move to the city for college in the fall

(i will be living on campus with two roommates who i haven't met yet and i know basically nothing about, one of them i will be sharing a bunk bed with)

im really nervous about how im gonna do socially.. ive had a really hard time making and maintaining irl friends for like my entire life, which has been really upsetting for me obviously.

being able to experiment sexually is something im really wanting to do and im really really nervous about it, i know that the most straightforward advice is just "talk about it to people you wanna do sex stuff with" but like everything is new to me i havent had the chance to really socialize irl up until this point and now im being shoved into a group of other young adults who all have the prior experience of being well socialized and having complex interpersonal relationships with peers

i also feel extremely insecure about my lack of experience, like is it actually normal for someone my age to have never had a romantic or sexual encounter? are the things ive discovered and assumptions ive made about myself sexually through masturbating wrong?? i can't watch porn bc looking at strangers having sex grosses me out!! im pretty sure my front hole is like unnaturally tight?? anything wider than two of my fingers is uncomfortable and no matter how much prep and easing myself into it i do, it stays that way.. and i think my cervix is also lower than most, about 3-4 inches is the maximum that i can insert before i can feel it bump my cervix (which hurts REALLY BAD)

im just so nervous and scared about my own body and personality and all that andi don't know where to look for resources or reassurance. ive never been to the doctor for any kind of reproductive care and im really scared to!!! i live in a state that has completely outlawed abortion rights and im really scared that if i go to planned parenthood or something to get like a checkup that they will be mean and not gentle with me

i don't know, i guess im just looking to be heard and hopefully pointed towards some resources if anyone has any, thank you for the work you do and thank you for taking the time to read my panicked ramblings

hi anon,

there's a lot happening here so I'm just doing a numbered list

1.) man, how did the third guy luck out and avoid the bunk bed? you don't have to answer that, I'm just curious how you guys have already worked out that two of you are stuck with the bunk beds. unless you're into bunk beds (I was), in which case mazel tov.

2.) in the nicest way possible, I think you may be vastly overestimating how "well socialized" other students are going to be. reading between the lines a bit, it sounds like you were maybe home schooled, or at least don't have very much experience mingling with other people your age without adult supervision. I guarantee you every public school in the world is also full of introverted freak losers who rock up to college with no idea of what they're doing; I was one of them. the majority of first year college students are also running around panicking and trying to figure out how to be away from their parents for the first time; everyone is a loser and no one is cool.

would it comfort you at all to know that my day job is organizing events at my office's LGBT student resource center? I spend a lot of time hanging out with queer first year students, and I love them dearly, and they're all cringefail losers. it's unavoidable. every 18 year old is a cringefail loser. every single person on Earth looks back at their 18 year old self and goes "goddamn, what a cringefail loser." and it's fine! it's so normal! that's the entire point of your first year of college! you try things and you're socially awkward and you meet some of the most important people you will ever meet and you meet people whose opinions about you won't matter literally at all and you'll completely change how you think about everything for the rest of your life and you'll think you're going to die and everything will be fine!!!!

anyway moving on

3.) it's normal for anyone at any age to have never had a romantic or sexual encounter. I'm assuming you value my insight at least a little, since you sent this, so would it help you to know that I arrived at college as virginal as could be (wildly insecure about it, btw) and didn't have sex for the first time until I was almost 21? would it comfort you to hear from my housemate, also transmasculine, who gave me permission to share that they've never had sex and that none of their life problems really have anything to do with being a virgin?

4.) "are the things ive discovered and assumptions ive made about myself sexually through masturbating wrong??" hard to say, since I don't know what those things are, but probably not. it's extremely hard to get masturbating wrong, no one knows what feels good to you better than you. you're sort of an authority here. masturbating isn't exactly like partnered sex, of course, but it's a really good place to start learning about things that you like and make you feel good.

5.) everything you're describing about your front hole sounds very typical. two fingers is the max number of comfortable fingers for a lot of people, regardless of experience; often, taking something larger doesn't become easier until after having penetrative sex with a partner. average vaginal depth is about 3.6 inches, and while that can increase significantly with arousal, it's something that doesn't generally happen if you're not relaxed during sex. if I can be a bit presumptuous, it sounds like sex and masturbation are maybe a bit anxiety-inducing for you, in a way that is pretty much perfectly contradictory to comfortable penetration. if I can offer you some advice I wish I could give my younger self: calm the fuck down, buy some lube, stop worrying so much about making your body react the way you think it should and learn to appreciate what it's actually doing, and maybe see if your campus has some free therapy options available. anxiety meds probably wouldn't hurt this situation. also stop hitting your cervix if that hurts oh my god.

6.) Planned Parenthood is generally one of the best places to go if you're nervous; they're aggressively queer friendly and tend to be extremely accommodating of patients' needs. I personally do not care for penetration at all and have a difficult time with Pap smears, and every examiner I've ever had at PP has been an angel about letting me take breaks and swear my way through it. it ain't fun, but if you want to have an adventurous sex life you need to take care of the health of yourself and your prospective partners by getting STI tests and Pap smears.

you're so normal, calm down, I love you