#you can clearly see slice of life is my favorite genre

[mononijikayu]

stuff we did — geto suguru.

“Hey!” you called out, a mix of excitement and nervousness in your voice. “What are you doing?” Suguru looked up, his eyes wide with a mix of surprise and curiosity. “I’m trying to figure out what’s inside. This place looks like it’s been abandoned forever.” You stepped closer, your own curiosity piqued. “Do you think it’s haunted?” Suguru grinned, his imagination clearly running wild. “Maybe! Or maybe it’s just full of old, forgotten things. Either way, I bet there are some really cool secrets in there.” You looked at the house, its weathered appearance now seeming a bit more inviting. “Do you want to explore it together?”

GENRE: Alternate Universe - Modern AU;

WARNING/s: Angst, Fluff, Romance, Hurt/ Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Husband and Wife, Friendship, Husband! Suguru, Reader! Wife, Fluff, Comfort, Falling In Love, Pining, Slice of Life, Humor, Domesticity, Miscarriage, Infertility, Character Death, Depiction of Infertility, Depiction of Hospital Visit, Depiction of Illness, Depiction of Old Age, Mention of Miscarriage, Mention of Infertility, Mention of Character Death, This Is One Of My Favorites In A Long Whille, My Writing Vault Is Just Angst;

WORDS: 8.9k words.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: this was written a while while back and i just finished proof reading it to suit what i wanted to see. this was inspired by both queen of tears and the film up, which was just the most beautiful movie ive seen over and over. i hope you enjoy this a lot and that you'll be just as moved as me. i promise i'll be back with fluff soon enough!!! i genuinely cried at the end. anyway, i hope you love it. i love you guys!!! thank you for reading <3

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A WHOLE LIFETIME WAS WAITING FOR HIM. At ten years old, Suguru Geto was a dreamer with a spark in his eyes that hinted at a life full of exploration and wonder.

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It was an ordinary afternoon, the sun casting long shadows as you wandered through the neighborhood, when you stumbled upon the abandoned house. Its once-grand façade was now a patchwork of peeling paint and overgrown vines, and the wooden fence sagged in places, as if it were barely holding on to its secrets.

You had been intrigued by the house for weeks, often imagining what mysteries lay behind its dust-covered windows. That day, you decided to finally investigate, only to find someone already there. Suguru was crouched by the front gate, peering through the rusty bars with a look of intense concentration.

“Hey!” you called out, a mix of excitement and nervousness in your voice. “What are you doing?”

Suguru looked up, his eyes wide with a mix of surprise and curiosity. “I’m trying to figure out what’s inside. This place looks like it’s been abandoned forever.”

You stepped closer, your own curiosity piqued. “Do you think it’s haunted?”

Suguru grinned, his imagination clearly running wild. “Maybe! Or maybe it’s just full of old, forgotten things. Either way, I bet there are some really cool secrets in there.”

You looked at the house, its weathered appearance now seeming a bit more inviting. “Do you want to explore it together?”

Suguru’s face lit up with enthusiasm. “Absolutely! Let’s make it our clubhouse. We can turn it into our secret base where we plan all our adventures.”

The two of you both pushed open the creaky gate and made your way up the overgrown path to the front door. Inside, dust motes danced in the beams of sunlight filtering through the broken windows. The air was musty, but the promise of discovery filled you with a sense of excitement.

“This place is amazing!” Suguru exclaimed, running his hand along an old wooden beam. “Imagine all the things we could do here, don’t you think? We could have treasure hunts, build secret compartments, and even create maps of our adventures!”

You smiled, already swept up in the excitement. “And we could scrapbook all of our adventures. I’ve got a ton of stickers and colored pens at home. We could make it like a journal of our explorations!”

Suguru’s eyes lit up with delight. “That sounds perfect. We’ll make this place the coolest clubhouse ever!”

With the possibilities swirling in both your minds, you turned to Suguru, realizing you hadn't properly introduced yourselves yet. “Oh, by the way, I’m…….”

Suguru grinned, his enthusiasm still bubbling over. “Suguru Geto. Looks like we’re gonna be partners in adventure!”

The two of you spent hours exploring every nook and cranny of the house. Suguru’s enthusiasm was contagious, pulling you deeper into the magic of the place. Every corner held a new discovery, a forgotten relic of time that sparked your imaginations. You both laughed as you uncovered old, dusty furniture, imagining all the stories it could tell.

Suguru, always the dreamer, crouched by an ancient-looking wardrobe and peered inside. “What if this belonged to a pirate?” he mused, brushing away cobwebs. “Maybe they stashed their maps and treasures in here before sailing off for another adventure.”

You chuckled, running your fingers over the faded carvings on a wooden chair. “Or maybe it was a writer, sitting here every night by candlelight, crafting tales of far-off lands.”

Suguru stood up, eyes gleaming. “We could be the next storytellers! We can make up stories about this place—maybe even start our own treasure hunt for future explorers.”

“I love that idea!” you grinned, already envisioning the elaborate maps and clues you could create together. “This whole house could be our playground.”

As you explored further, you found hidden doorways and forgotten passageways, each discovery filling you both with a sense of wonder. There was an old attic with creaky floorboards that groaned under your weight, and a cellar that held shelves of ancient, dusty jars—relics of a time long past. Suguru’s energy never faltered, and neither did yours. It was as if the house had become an extension of your shared imagination, every forgotten room a new world to explore.

At one point, Suguru turned to you, breathless from excitement. “Can you believe how much potential this place has? We could make it anything we want! A fortress, a secret hideout, a museum for all the stuff we find!”

You nodded eagerly, already planning how you’d decorate each room with artifacts from your adventures. “We’ll turn it into our own world.”

Suguru’s eyes twinkled with mischief. “We’ve gotta make sure no one else finds it, though. This is our secret spot.”

“Deal!” you said, sealing the pact with a grin.

As the sun began to set, casting a warm golden glow over the house, Suguru turned to you with a thoughtful expression. “You know, one day we’re going to see the whole world. Just like those great explorers. This clubhouse will be our starting point.”

You smiled, feeling a sense of deep connection with Suguru. “I’d like that. I think we’ll have the best adventures together.”

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YOU THINK THAT ADVENTURE WAS THE WAY TO GETO SUGURU’S HEART. When you started to get to know him, you couldn’t help but notice the way Suguru’s eyes seemed to sparkle with excitement whenever the topic of exploration came up.

It was as though each conversation opened a window into his boundless curiosity, and you found yourself drawn to the light in his gaze, the way it brightened with every new idea or story he shared. 

Geto Suguru’s fascination with the world wasn’t just a passing interest—it was a deep passion, woven into the very fabric of who he was. He could turn even the smallest details into an adventure, transforming mundane objects or places into portals to other worlds. You can tell that he was a born story–teller. Born to know the wonders of the wider world.

Whenever he spoke of famous explorers, his voice would rise with enthusiasm, as if their courage and daring lived within him. Marco Polo’s travels along the Silk Road, Amelia Earhart’s fearless flight into the unknown—Suguru recounted their tales with such vivid detail, it felt as though you were right there alongside them, venturing into uncharted lands.

“He didn’t just travel, you know what I mean?” Suguru once said of Marco Polo, eyes alight with admiration. “That guy managed to help open some doors to a whole new world. Can you imagine that? Being the first to set foot somewhere no one even knew existed?”

You nodded, already swept up in the vision he painted as you kicked your feet. “It’s like the whole world was waiting to be found.”

Suguru smiled, and there was a quiet thrill in his voice. “Exactly! That’s the magic of it—everything’s an adventure if you look at it the right way.”

It didn’t take long before his excitement became infectious. These days, you just feel like that when you are around Suguru. Just as quickly, you could only find yourself equally captivated by the idea of exploring far-off places and uncovering their mysteries. Geto Suguru had a way of making even the ordinary seem extraordinary. 

He would point out things that others might pass by without a second glance—a strange rock, an oddly shaped tree, or even the patterns in the clouds—and turn them into puzzles waiting to be solved. His mind was always buzzing with “what-ifs” and “maybes” sparking conversations that seemed to stretch on for hours as you both imagined worlds within worlds, hidden just beneath the surface of reality.

“I wonder what it would be like to be Amelia Earhart too!” he mused once, as you both sat on a hill, gazing at the horizon. “To fly into the unknown, chasing the horizon, not knowing what’s on the other side but going anyway.”

“Scary, but exciting, don’t you think?” you replied, feeling a twinge of that same wanderlust Suguru seemed to carry with him at all times. “It’s like you’re both lost and free at the same time.”

Suguru nodded thoughtfully. “Yeah, that’s exactly it. The unknown is terrifying, but that’s what makes it so… beautiful. There’s always something more to discover. And I…I just can’t wait to find out all of it!”

It was moments like these that deepened your bond. His wonderment was contagious, and soon you began to see the world through his eyes, where even the smallest things held the promise of adventure. Whether it was the forgotten corners of an old house or the distant lands of long-gone explorers, with Suguru, everything became part of an ongoing quest. 

You realized that it wasn’t just about the places you would explore, but the way he looked at the world—with a wide-eyed excitement that made you feel like every day held a new mystery, waiting to be uncovered. And you wanted to be there with him. Just beside him. Because to be with him, you like to think that you would find nothing but a wonder if you were there.

He had a knack for finding the magic in the mundane, and it opened your own bright eyes to the wonders around you. What once seemed ordinary now felt like it held endless possibilities, all thanks to Suguru’s infectious spirit. 

He showed you that adventure wasn’t just something that happened in faraway places—it could be anywhere, even in the most unexpected moments. You didn’t have to cross oceans to find excitement; sometimes, it was right in front of you, if only you knew where to look. And with Suguru, you were learning how to see it.

This weekend afternoon, as you and Suguru sat cross-legged on the floor of your clubhouse, surrounded by colorful supplies and old maps, Suguru began sharing his latest dream with you. The sunlight streamed through the dusty windows, casting a warm, golden light on the room.

“You know…..” Suguru said, his voice brimming with enthusiasm. “I read about this amazing place called the Himalayas. It’s full of towering mountains, and some of them are so high that they touch the sky. Can you imagine climbing one of those?”

You looked up from your sketchbook, eyes wide with wonder. “That sounds incredible! What would it be like to stand on top of one of those mountains?”

Suguru’s face broke into a smile as he imagined the scene. You like to think that he had the most beautiful smile in the world. “It would be breathtaking. You’d feel like you’re on top of the world. And there’s this special mountain called Everest—people say it’s like touching the edge of the heavens!”

With a gleeful chuckle, Suguru grabbed a pencil and began sketching a mountain range in your scrapbook. “We should definitely put this in our adventure book. We’ll draw mountains and imagine ourselves climbing them.”

You nodded eagerly, already picturing the pages of your scrapbook filled with sketches and notes. “Absolutely. And we can write about all the things we’d see and do. Maybe we’ll even draw ourselves in climbing gear, standing triumphantly at the summit!”

As the weeks went by, the scrapbook became a canvas for your shared dreams. Each page was a tribute to the places Suguru talked about with such passion. There were intricate drawings of ocean vistas, with waves crashing against rocky shores, and sprawling cityscapes with towering skyscrapers and bustling streets.

Geto Suguru’s descriptions were so vivid that you could almost hear the sounds and smell the scents of these distant lands. He just knew how to give you the wide world to you in the vibrant brighteness no one could.

As you worked on the scrapbook together, Suguru’s excitement reached a new peak. “I’ve been reading about this incredible city called Istanbul. It’s where East meets West, and there are markets full of colorful spices and beautiful mosaics everywhere. I think it would be amazing to see it in person.”

You looked at the sketch Suguru had just added, depicting a bustling market scene with vibrant colors and intricate patterns. “It looks so lively and full of culture. I’d love to experience it with you. Maybe we could even learn a few phrases in Turkish before we go.”

Suguru nodded, clearly thrilled by the idea. “Yes! And we can try all the different foods and maybe even buy some souvenirs to bring back to our clubhouse.”

As the scrapbook filled up, it became a treasure trove of aspirations and memories. The house, once an abandoned relic, was now a haven for your dreams, where the world beyond your doorstep felt just a little bit smaller and a whole lot more reachable.

As you look at him, you couldn’t help but smile. Your scrapbook would be an adventure as long as you had him.

IT WAS EASY TO SEE THAT YOU LIKED HIM. As the years passed, as you both grew older—the bond between you and Suguru deepened in ways that neither of you had anticipated. Nothing has changed and yet it has.

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You couldn’t even understand how you could describe it. What had begun as a playful friendship, sparked by shared adventures and dreams, evolved into a profound connection that anchored both of your lives moving forward.

The seasons changed, and so did the nature of your relationship. As the crisp air of autumn gave way to the first frost of winter, something subtle yet profound shifted between you two.

Your weekends, once filled with the solitary pursuit of sketching mountains far off in the distance or wistfully dreaming of cities you had yet to explore, began to take on a new rhythm. These quiet moments of creativity were now shared, woven into times of meaningful conversations that deepened your connection.

The clubhouse, once a refuge for your art and ideas, had evolved alongside you both. It was no longer just a place to retreat but had grown into a cozy home filled with warmth and a sense of belonging. The walls, once bare and practical, were now alive with a collage of your memories—scrapbook pages pinned up like trophies of the adventures you’d had together. 

Here, in the dim light of your clubhouse-turned-home, time seemed to slow. Conversations stretched long into the evening, filled with laughter, confessions, and sometimes a comfortable silence that spoke more than words ever could.

You realized that it wasn't just about the places you wanted to visit or the mountains you hoped to climb. It was about these moments—right here, right now—that had been shaping the most important journey of all: the one you were taking together.

You and Suguru sat on the porch of your clubhouse. The place had become a sanctuary for the two of you, and tonight, it felt even more so. Wrapped in thick, warm blankets, you watched the sun slowly sink below the horizon, painting the sky in hues of soft gold, pink, and lavender. The fading light bathed the world in a warm, almost magical glow, a contrast to the growing chill in the air.

But something else lingered in the quiet of that evening—an unspoken tension. Suguru, always steady and thoughtful, had been unusually silent. You could sense that something weighed heavily on his mind. His usual animated presence, the one that balanced your own, seemed subdued. 

He stared out at the trees, their leaves a patchwork of fiery reds and oranges, but his thoughts were clearly somewhere else. The contemplative look on his face was deeper than the usual moments of introspection he had.

You knew him well enough to understand that silence was part of who he was—he often found comfort in it—but this was different. This wasn’t just quiet; it was an absence of something.

The air, cool against your skin, seemed to press in, amplifying the stillness between you. It felt as if the world itself was holding its breath, waiting for something to be said. You didn’t push him; you knew better than that.

With Suguru, patience was key. He always opened up in his own time, and when he did, it was always worth the wait. You could tell he was wrestling with something important—something that couldn’t be rushed.

You glanced over at him, his face softened by the golden light of the setting sun. His expression was unreadable, yet you could sense the conflict beneath the surface.

It was as though the quiet had become a shield for him, a way to protect himself from whatever thoughts he was trying to sort out. You wondered if he even knew how to begin talking about it, or if he was still trying to make sense of it for himself.

The porch creaked as you shifted slightly in your seat, the only sound breaking the stillness. The leaves continued to fall, gently drifting to the ground, but the world around you felt frozen in that moment, waiting for Suguru to speak. Whatever was on his mind, you knew it was important, and you were ready to listen when he was ready to share.

You glanced at him, sensing that something was on his mind. “Hey, Suguru.” you said gently, “is everything okay? You seem a bit… distant.”

Suguru turned to you, his eyes reflecting the fading sunlight. “I’ve been thinking a lot lately,” he began slowly, “about us, and about everything we’ve shared.”

You felt a flutter of nerves in your chest but kept your voice steady. “What about us?”

Suguru took a deep breath, his fingers intertwined with yours. “You know how we’ve always dreamed about exploring the world together? Well, lately, I’ve been thinking that the greatest adventure of all is the one we’re already on. The one where we’re building a life together.”

You looked at him, your heart racing as you realized what he was about to say. Suguru’s face softened into a gentle smile, and he continued, “I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time. You’ve been my partner in every adventure, and I can’t imagine my life without you.”

The world seemed to pause as you processed his words. Your feelings for Suguru had grown from admiration and friendship into a deep, abiding love. You had felt it for some time but hadn’t fully acknowledged it until this moment.

“I love you too, Suguru.” you replied, your voice trembling with emotion. “You’re my best friend, my confidant, and the person I want to share my life with.”

Suguru’s bright purple eyes sparkled with happiness, and he reached out to hold you close. The warmth of his embrace was comforting, and you felt a profound sense of belonging. From that evening onward, your relationship transformed. 

You both began to plan not just for the next adventure but for a future together. You talked about dreams of traveling the world, but also about building a home, starting a family, and creating a life rich with shared experiences. 

The future you envisioned was no longer just about distant places or grand plans; it was about the everyday moments and the life you would build side by side. You found joy in the small things—quiet dinners, laughter over shared memories, and the simple pleasure of being together. And for each of those moments, you would both be together. For every last one.

And from that moment, everything felt like a flash, a blur of time passing with both rapidity and grace. Years slipped through your fingers like sand, but each one seemed to deepen the bond you and Suguru shared. 

You both arrived at the house, this time not as wide-eyed dreamers, but as people ready to take action. You were equipped with the resources, knowledge, and expertise that had been hard-earned over the years. What once seemed impossible now felt within reach.

The house had transformed, much like the relationship you shared. The wild, overgrown vines that had once snaked across its facade had been cut away, revealing the clean lines of the structure underneath.

The sagging fence, which had leaned precariously for years, had been replaced by a sturdy, welcoming one. Even the gate—the one that had creaked and stuck when you were kids—now swung open smoothly, inviting you in with a sense of ease and possibility. 

Standing there together, gazing at the house, the nostalgia hit you both in waves. You could still remember the first time you stumbled upon it, back when the future felt like a distant, far-off dream. But now, it wasn’t distant anymore. It was here, within your grasp.

The silence between you was comfortable, filled with anticipation and a shared understanding. You both knew this wasn’t just about restoring an old house. It was about building something together—something that was uniquely yours.

This house, with all its history and imperfections, was about to become the home you had always envisioned. It wasn’t just a physical space. It was a reflection of everything you had been through, everything you had grown into, and everything you had yet to become.

As you exchanged a glance with Suguru, you didn’t need words to know what he was thinking. The years had brought change, but they had also brought clarity. Together, you had always been building something—first with your dreams, then with your actions. And now, you were ready to take that final step, to make this place your home.

“Look at it, baby!” Suguru exclaimed, his voice filled with awe as he gazed at the house. His eyes sparkled with the kind of excitement and pride you hadn't seen in a while. “It’s incredible to see how far we’ve come. I remember the first time we explored this place, imagining what it could become.”

You nodded, your heart swelling with emotion as you took in the sight before you. “It’s amazing. It feels like we’re finally turning our dreams into reality.”

The house had been a vision for so long—an idea you had held onto through thick and thin. Now, as you stood in front of the freshly painted exterior, with the sun glinting off the windows and the scent of fresh grass in the air, it was hard to believe that this place had once been nothing more than an abandoned shell. But it was no longer just an idea or a distant goal. It was real, solid, and yours.

Suguru picked up a paint roller, dipped it into the bucket of soft, pastel blue paint you had both agreed on, and turned toward the wall with a grin. “This is the fun part, don’t you think?” he said, rolling a stripe of color onto the previously bare wood. “It’s like coloring outside the lines, but now we get to make the lines too.”

You laughed and grabbed your own roller, eager to join in. “Don’t get too ahead of yourself, mister. This is a team effort.”

Soon, the two of you were painting side by side, your laughter filling the crisp air as you carefully applied the vibrant colors to your home. The soft hum of birds chirping in the distance and the gentle rustling of leaves set the perfect backdrop for your playful banter. Every brushstroke felt like a step closer to bringing your shared vision to life.

At one point, Suguru turned toward you, his roller dripping with paint, and a mischievous gleam in his eyes. “You know what’s missing here?” he asked, his voice playful.

You raised an eyebrow, pretending to be suspicious. “What?”

“An artist's touch!” Before you could react, Suguru flicked his roller in your direction, sending a spray of pastel blue paint across your shirt.

Your eyes widened in mock horror as you looked down at the splatters of paint now decorating your clothes. “Suguru!” you exclaimed, half-laughing, half-gasping. “You’re in so much trouble!”

Without hesitation, you dipped your roller into the paint and aimed it squarely at him, sending a cascade of blue across his chest. Suguru's bright purple eyes went wide in surprise, then he broke into a wide grin.

“Oh, it’s on now,” he said, stepping toward you with his paintbrush raised like a sword. What started as an innocent painting session quickly turned into a playful paint war, the walls momentarily forgotten as you splattered each other with streaks of pastel blue. 

You squealed as he rushed off with a dash and followed you. His laughter was just as much the best part of the progress you think. It was like the music that was missing in your life. And it never stopped that afternoon and you were content.

The soft spring breeze carried your laughter, and for a few moments, the rest of the world faded away. It was just you and Suguru, in the moment, covered in paint and joy.

At some point, you collapsed onto the grass together, breathless from laughter and covered in splashes of color. The house loomed behind you, its newly painted walls gleaming in the sunlight, but all you could focus on was the way Suguru looked at you, his face smeared with paint, his eyes filled with warmth and happiness.

He reached over and gently wiped a smudge of blue from your cheek, his touch tender. “Look at us, baby.” he said softly, his voice a mix of awe and affection. “We’re a mess, but this—everything we’ve built together—it’s beautiful.”

You smiled, leaning into his touch. “Yeah babe.” you agreed, your heart full. “It really is.”

Just like that, this once old abandoned soul was starting to come back to life before your eyes. It reminded you of all those dreams you had shared with Suguru for so many years. And in that moment, as you sat in the grass with your husband—covered in paint, laughter, and love—you realized that this, right here, was the real dream coming true.

That cool summer night as you both sat together on the porch of your newly renovated home, watching the sunset paint the sky with shades of pink and orange, Suguru turned to you with a contented smile. You had never seen him this happy in your entire lives together. And it suited him. More than you think he’d understand. 

“I never imagined this day would come, but here we are. Our adventures didn’t just remain on paper anymore, baby. They became a reality now.”

You leaned against him, feeling a deep sense of fulfillment. “It’s incredible. We’ve seen so much of the world, and now we have this beautiful home that’s a reflection of our journey.”

With your home now complete, you and Suguru embarked on a new chapter of your life.

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LIFE EVEN IN ITS MOST MUNDANE WAS EVERYTHING. As the years went by, your and Suguru’s paths continued to align in the most fulfilling ways. Suguru, inspired by his love for learning and his experiences, decided to become a teacher, just like you.

Both of you found immense satisfaction in shaping young minds and sharing your passion for knowledge. Your combined efforts in education became a cornerstone of your lives, and it was a field where your love for exploration and discovery seamlessly translated into inspiring others.

Your old friends, who had once joined you in those early childhood adventures, also found their way into the field of education. Together, you formed a tight-knit community of educators, all driven by a shared passion for helping students explore their potential. The clubhouse, once the backdrop for your childhood dreams, had become a symbol of your commitment to fostering curiosity and creativity in the next generation.

Even your nights you spent in your home were often filled with lively discussions about teaching methods, innovative ideas for the classroom, and the exciting possibilities of new educational tools.

Your love of exploration, once confined to distant lands, now found a new outlet in the classroom. You and Suguru worked together on projects that encouraged students to think critically and explore the world around them, just as you had done as children.

Suguru, with a nostalgic smile, traced his fingers over a particularly cherished page. “Remember this, baby?” he said, pointing to a sketch of the Himalayas. “We were so excited about climbing those mountains. And now, look at us—living our dreams and sharing them with others.”

You leaned against him, feeling a deep sense of contentment. “I do remember. And I’m so grateful for everything we’ve experienced together. This scrapbook is a reminder of how far we’ve come and all the dreams we’ve made real.”

As you both looked through the pages, you realized that the scrapbook was more than just a record of your adventures—it was a reflection of your journey as a couple. It symbolized not only the places you had been and the things you had done but also the love and partnership that had grown alongside them. Everything was perfect. Nothing could be better.

Your careers were flourishing, and life with Geto Suguru was a tapestry of shared happiness. The bond between you had only deepened over time, each day bringing a new layer of intimacy and understanding. 

It was as though your relationship had found a perfect equilibrium, a serene joy that seemed like it could stretch on indefinitely. Your home was filled with the warmth of laughter, the comfort of companionship, and the contentment of having achieved many of your dreams. But still, you felt like something was missing. And your husband knew it too.

Suguru, with his usual thoughtful demeanor, was the first to broach the topic. “You know, baby….” he began, his voice gentle but carrying an undercurrent of contemplation. “We've built something incredible together. Our careers, our lovely home… Everything feels right. But have you ever thought about what might come next?”

You turned to face him, curiosity piqued. “What do you mean?” you asked, sensing that there was something more beneath his words.

Suguru hesitated for a moment, his gaze thoughtful. “Well, we’ve talked about our future in many ways, but lately, I’ve been thinking about children. About…..about what it might be like to have a family of our own.”

Your husband’s tender words hung in the air, a mixture of excitement and uncertainty. The idea had surfaced in fleeting thoughts and half-formed conversations, but hearing it out loud made it feel more real, more tangible.

You considered his words carefully. The thought of children had always been a distant possibility, a dream tucked away among other aspirations. But now, in the warmth of the evening and the comfort of your home, it feels different. It was no longer just an abstract idea; it was something you were both ready to explore.

“I’ve thought about it too, babe.” you admitted, your voice soft but filled with emotion. “It’s strange how this feeling crept up on us. I suppose we always knew that our life together would be about more than just us, that there would be something else to share our love and our world with.”

Suguru reached out and took your hand, his touch reassuring and full of promise. “I think it could be a beautiful next step for us, you know? I know it won’t be easy, and there will be challenges, but I can’t help but feel that it’s the right time.”

You squeezed his hand, feeling a sense of warmth and excitement building within you. “I agree. It feels like we’re ready to open up to this new chapter. I can’t imagine doing it with anyone else but you.”

And that settled your desires to begin unfolding. You both wanted it — to have a family together, to raise a child that would be a reflection of your love. The excitement was palpable, filling the days with a hopeful kind of anticipation. You tried, again and again, but it wasn’t long before the first signs appeared, subtle at first. A growing worry gnawed at you, but you pushed it aside, willing everything to be okay.

Then came the miscarriage.

The room was heavy with silence, the kind that feels suffocating and oppressive. Your eyes were red from the tears you had shed, each one a testament to the depth of your loss. The sterile whiteness of the doctor's office seemed to mock the vibrant dreams you had once held.

The doctor’s words were like a sharp blade cutting through the haze of hope you had been clinging to. “You won’t be able to have children, Mrs. Geto. I am so sorry.” he said softly, his voice compassionate but firm. 

The words hung in the air, each syllable a painful puncture to the fragile balloon of hope that had floated between you and Suguru. At that moment, the world seemed to fall apart.

The colors of the room blurred together, the sounds of the doctor’s voice faded into a distant hum, and the only thing that remained was the crushing weight of the news. It was as if the very foundation of your dreams had shattered, leaving behind a void that seemed too vast to fill.

The future you had imagined—of shared late-night feedings, tiny feet pattering around the house, the joy of watching a child grow—was now nothing more than a distant, unreachable fantasy. The dream you and Suguru had so carefully built together crumbled, leaving behind an aching emptiness that felt like a gaping hole in your heart.

You looked at Suguru, and in his eyes, you saw the same devastation mirrored back at you. The strength and support that had always been a cornerstone of your relationship now felt fragile, as if the very fabric of your shared hopes had been torn apart. His hand reached for yours, trembling slightly, and you could feel the shared grief pulsing between you.

As you and Suguru drove home, the silence in the car was almost unbearable. The world outside seemed muted, as if the colors and sounds had been drained away. The roads stretched out in front of you, but they felt meaningless, like they led nowhere important. The weight of the news settled heavily on your shoulders, and neither of you knew how to break the quiet.

For days, you were unapproachable, lost in a fog of devastation. The loss felt like a gaping chasm that nothing could fill. Conversations became infrequent and strained, and even the comfort of routine seemed distant and hollow. Suguru was there, his presence a constant but silent support, and though he tried to offer solace, the words and gestures seemed inadequate against the depth of your shared grief.

The stillness in the house felt almost oppressive. You found yourself sitting alone in the backyard, the garden now a quiet reflection of your internal turmoil. The familiar sight of your favorite flowers and the gentle rustling of leaves seemed to offer no solace. You sat there, wrapped in a blanket of melancholy, trying to make sense of the void that had settled in your life.

Suguru came out and joined you, quietly taking a seat beside you on the patio. He took a deep breath, the kind that seemed to carry the weight of the world. For a moment, he just sat there, gathering his thoughts, his presence a steady anchor amidst the storm of emotions.

“You know, baby…..” he began softly, his voice breaking the heavy silence, “it’s okay to feel like this. It’s okay to not have all the answers or to be okay right away.”

His words were simple but carried a depth of understanding that only someone who truly cared could offer. You turned to look at him, seeing the pain and determination in his eyes.

“I don’t know how to move past this.” you admitted, your voice cracking with emotion.

“I know.” He whispers to you with tenderness. Tenderness you will never truly deserve. “But you know, baby…..We’ll always be together.”

“I know that.” you retorted, your voice tight and strained as you tried to contain the wave of emotion threatening to break free. “But I just… I wish I could have given you a child, you know?  A child that’s a mix of you and me. I just…”

Your words trailed off, leaving a raw vulnerability exposed. The weight of your regrets hung heavily in the air, mingling with the sorrow that had become a constant companion. Suguru’s eyes, usually so full of life and energy, now reflected a deep, pained empathy. 

His purple orbs roamed over your face, taking in the sight of you so broken and anguished. The sight of you in such distress was almost too much for him to bear. His own heart ached at the realization that there was little he could do to ease your pain.

“Does our lifetime of love need to leave evidence?” Suguru asked softly, his voice tender yet resolute. “Does…..does it need more than what there is?”

His question wasn’t just a consolation; it was a reflection of his deep belief in the essence of your relationship. You turned to him, the tears welling in your eyes now spilling over, blurring your vision. The raw honesty in his words cut through the fog of your grief, reaching the core of your heart.

“We have each other now, baby.” Suguru continued, his voice steady and filled with conviction. “And we love each other. That’s all that matters.”

His words were simple but powerful, a balm to the wound that had seemed insurmountable. His words broke something inside of you, not in a painful way, but in a way that let all the pent-up sorrow flow out. 

You sobbed, burying your face in your hands, and Suguru wrapped his arms around you, holding you close as you cried. He didn’t say anything more—he didn’t need to. In his embrace, in the warmth of his presence, you found the reassurance you didn’t know you needed.

You cried for the loss, for the future you had dreamed of, but you also cried for the love you still had. Suguru was right. You had each other, and in that love, you found strength. That’s all that truly mattered.

Geto Suguru held you close as your tears flowed, his hands gently rubbing your back, whispering words of comfort that barely reached your ears. But his presence, steady and unwavering, spoke louder than any words could. 

In his arms, you found a fragile sense of peace, a reminder that even in this moment of heartbreak, you weren’t alone. His touch was familiar, grounding, and you turned to look at him. There was a tenderness in his eyes, a deep understanding that made your heart ache in the best way. He smiled at you.

“I know this isn’t what we imagined.” he said softly, his thumb brushing over your knuckles. “But I’ve been thinking… Maybe it’s okay if our love doesn’t leave a legacy in the way we thought. Maybe our love can just be… us.”

You felt a lump form in your throat, the weight of his words settling into your heart. Suguru had always been your anchor, the person who knew how to pull you back when the world felt too overwhelming. In that moment, you realized that maybe he was right. 

Maybe your love didn’t need to be measured by the future you had imagined, by the children you thought you would have. Maybe it was enough to have each other, to share this life together, and to hold onto the love that had always been there. Maybe this was all there has to be. Maybe….this was enough.

Tears filled your eyes again, but this time they weren’t filled with sorrow. You squeezed Suguru’s hand, leaning into his warmth. “I love you.” you whispered, your voice cracking with emotion. “I love you so much.”

He pulled you into his arms once more, his lips brushing against your temple. “I love you too. Always.”

In that quiet moment, you realized that while the future you had once dreamed of was no longer possible, there was still a future waiting for you. A future where it was just the two of you, building a life together, creating memories that were uniquely yours. And as long as you had Suguru by your side, that was enough.

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YOU LIKE TO THINK THAT YOUR HUSBAND’S DREAMS WERE BEAUTIFUL. Even after everything, your husband Suguru had always been a dreamer. He never gave up even after the rollercoaster life had dealt you. Everything you both went through—the heartache, the healing—he found a new dream. It was no longer about building a family or leaving a legacy. 

His new dream was much simpler, yet so much more meaningful: seeing the world with you. He wanted to explore every corner of the earth by your side, to share in the beauty of new experiences together, and to make memories that would last a lifetime.

There was one place, in particular, that you had always talked about—Grindelwald. The snow-covered mountains, the crisp winter air, the breathtaking views from atop the peaks.

It was a dream you had held close for as long as Suguru could remember, and now, it had become his dream too. He wanted nothing more than to take you there, to hike those snow-dusted trails and see the world unfold beneath you, together.

The two of you started saving for the trip, setting aside small amounts whenever you could. It wasn’t much, but it was enough to keep the dream alive. But life, as it often does, had other plans.

Each time you neared your goal, something else would come up—unexpected expenses, repairs, emergencies. And each time, you had to dip into your savings, pushing the dream further and further away.

The years passed, and the dream remained just that—a dream. Life after all was always busy, life had always had other plans. But you were just happy, being with him. Being together was more than enough.

Yet, Geto Suguru never gave up. He never forgot the way your eyes lit up whenever you talked about seeing pictures of Grindelwald, and he was determined to make it happen one day, no matter how long it took.

Then, one quiet evening, many years later, your husband Suguru sat across from you, his once dark hair now streaked with bright vibrant silver. His hands were still steady, but time had softened their strength. He looked at you with the same love he always had, and there was something different in his eyes—something hopeful, something excited.

“I have a surprise for you, baby.” he said, a small smile tugging at the corners of his lips. He reached into his coat pocket and pulled out two plane tickets, holding them out for you to see.

Your heart skipped a beat as you read the destination: Switzerland.

“We’re going, finally!” he whispered, his voice thick with emotion. “We’re finally going to see Grindelwald.”

Tears welled up in your eyes, a cascade of emotions threatening to spill over, but before you could voice a response, an unfamiliar, sharp ache deep within your body made you pause. It was a discomfort that had been gnawing at you for some time, a persistent shadow that you had tried to ignore. 

At first, you dismissed it as stress or perhaps a lingering side effect of the emotional turmoil you had been through. But as the days turned into weeks, the ache intensified, becoming an unwelcome companion in your life.

You tried to push through it, attributing it to the residual strain of the recent loss and the emotional weight you were carrying. Yet, the pain was relentless, and it wasn’t long before you knew you could no longer ignore it. After several visits to various doctors, numerous tests, and consultations that felt endless, the diagnosis finally came: cancer.

The words hit you like a physical blow, the gravity of the diagnosis sinking into your bones. Cancer. It was a term that seemed to hang in the air, heavy with implications and uncertainty. The doctors’ explanations, though thorough and compassionate, felt distant and detached, as if they were speaking a language you couldn’t quite grasp.

The news was like a seismic shift in your world. It felt as though everything you had been trying to hold together was unraveling. The tears that had been welling up before were now flowing freely, mingling with the shock and fear that gripped you. You tried to process it all, but the weight of the diagnosis was overwhelming. It was as if the universe had decided to compound your grief with a new and daunting challenge.

You found yourself grappling with the implications of the diagnosis, trying to come to terms with the reality of what lay ahead. The future that had once seemed so full of potential and hope was now clouded by uncertainty. The plans and dreams you had cherished were overshadowed by the looming shadow of illness.

Suguru was there, his presence a steady anchor amidst the chaos. His own emotions were a mix of concern and determination, but he tried to remain strong for you. In the quiet moments, as you both grappled with the weight of the diagnosis, he held you close, offering a solace that words couldn’t fully convey.

Everything about it was a crushing blow. But Suguru held firm and so did you. You wanted to fight it. After all that time, your dreams together were about to come true. You didn’t want to give up just yet. You wanted to live on. You wanted to go. You wanted to have more time. With him. 

But life wasn’t always as one wants it to be. You were admitted to the hospital soon after, the trip to Switzerland slipping away, replaced by sterile rooms and treatment plans. Geto Suguru was devastated. He had waited so long, saved so carefully, and now, just when it seemed possible, this had happened.

But as you lay in the hospital bed, weakened but still filled with love for the man sitting beside you, you knew there was something more important than the trip, more important than the dream that never came to be.

You called him over, and with trembling hands, you handed him the scrapbook you had kept over the years—the one filled with all the adventures you’d already shared, the places you had seen together, the memories you had created.

“You’ve always been my greatest adventure, you know?” you said softly, your voice a little hoarse. “We may never get to see Grindelwald together, but that doesn’t mean the dream has to end.”

Your husband Suguru looked at you, his eyes filled with tears, unable to speak. 

“I want you to keep making memories, Suguru. I want you to keep having adventures. Take the tickets, go see the world… live for both of us. Because as long as you’re alive, as long as you’re making memories, there will always be evidence that I live on too.”

Suguru’s hand tightened around yours, his tears finally falling. He shook his head, unable to imagine a world without you, without your shared dream. But you smiled, reaching up to touch his cheek.

“You’ve always been the dreamer, Suguru.” you whispered. “Don’t let that part of you die. Keep dreaming, keep living for me, for us. Our love… it’s more than just a place or a moment. It’s a lifetime of memories. And as long as you’re out there, making new ones, I’ll be with you.”

Suguru nodded, his heart breaking but understanding what you meant. You had always been his greatest love, and now, even in this painful moment, you were still giving him the strength to carry on.

As he sat by your side, holding your hand tightly, Suguru made a silent promise—to keep your love alive, to honor the life you had shared, and to one day, perhaps, stand atop those snow-covered mountains of Grindelwald, knowing that you were with him in every step, in every breath, in every memory he made.

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HE WASN’T GETTING ANY YOUNGER. But he still had a promise to fulfill to you. Geto Suguru stood at the base of the trail, staring up at the towering Alps, their snow-covered peaks gleaming under the summer sun.

The path before him was steep, challenging, but it was the journey he had promised to make—for you, for both of you. He reached up to touch the small locket that hung around his neck, a picture of you carefully tucked inside. Your smile was his anchor, even now, long after you were gone.

The climb was grueling, especially for someone his age. His knees ached, his breath came in short, shallow gasps, but he pressed on. The crisp mountain air filled his lungs, reminding him of the dream you had shared for so many years—to see Grindelwald together, to hike these mountains and stand at the top of the world.

As he ascended, memories of you filled his mind. He could still hear your laughter, feel the warmth of your hand in his, see the way your eyes lit up whenever you talked about this place.

It had been your dream, but over time, it had become his as well. Even after all those years of saving, when life had repeatedly forced you to spend the money on more pressing needs, the dream had never faded.

Now, finally, he was here. But he was alone.

Each step was harder than the last. The trail wound higher and higher, becoming more treacherous, but Suguru refused to stop. He clutched the locket, his fingers brushing over the metal as if your presence was embedded within it.

“I promised you,” he whispered to the open air, as though you were walking beside him. “I promised we’d see this together.”

It took hours, his body protesting with every movement, but at last, Suguru reached the summit. The world spread out before him, vast and beautiful, with the jagged peaks of the Alps stretching into the distance. The view was breathtaking—just as you had always said it would be.

He stood there, chest heaving, staring out at the endless sky. Tears welled in his eyes, not from exhaustion, but from the sheer weight of the moment. He opened the locket and gazed at your face, your smiling eyes staring back at him. You should have been here with him. You should have seen this with your own eyes.

“This is for you, baby.” he murmured, his voice cracking as tears spilled down his cheeks. “We made it, love. We’re finally here.”

Suguru stood there for what felt like an eternity, just holding the locket and letting the wind carry his words. The silence of the mountains felt sacred, and for a moment, he could almost feel your presence beside him, hear your voice on the breeze.

After a long while, he reached into his coat and pulled out a small, framed photograph—the two of you, from years ago, standing side by side, laughing as the sun set behind you. It was a moment of joy, of love, captured forever. He knelt down carefully and placed the frame on a small, flat rock at the very peak of the mountain. The picture stood there, delicate but steadfast, a testament to the love you had shared.

Suguru stood back, his gaze soft as he looked at the photo. He ran a trembling hand through his silvered hair, then placed his hands together, pressing the locket to his chest. “We don’t need evidence for our love, you know that, baby?” he said softly, his voice barely above a whisper. “But I want… I want everyone to know that there was love somewhere.”

His eyes glistened with unshed tears, and a bittersweet smile tugged at the corners of his lips.

“And it will be here. Always.”

The wind picked up, rustling the leaves and the grass around him, as if the earth itself acknowledged his words. Suguru stood there, the weight of his age and grief heavy on his shoulders, but in his heart, there was a quiet peace. This was your place now, your memory, your love, etched into the mountains for all time.

As the sun began to dip lower on the horizon, casting a golden glow over the Alps, geto Suguru turned and began his descent. With each step, he carried the knowledge that your love was eternal, not bound by the constraints of time or place. It lived on—in the memories, in the moments, and now, on the very peak of the world.

[kitthepurplepotato]

Kirishima Eijirou’s daily shenanigans!

Summary: You work in a little coffee shop (secretly owned by your uncle Crimson Riot), which resides next to Red Riot and Dynamight’s agency. Needless to say, the Crimson Riot signature on the wall lures in the red haired hero on the first day after opening.

Long story short, this a really cute story about a barista and his favorite customer falling in love and becoming a couple. (The only problem is that Red Riot is a himbo and he does not realize you two are actually dating. But that’s a problem for another day.)

Genre: Comedy, strangers to lovers, fluff, hurt/comfort, slice of life

Estimated chapters: Around 10?

Warnings: Swear Words, one or two chapters with smut but they will be skippable, mentions of injuries, depression, blood, fight scenes, one or two chapters of angst around the end but it’s mostly just fluff and shits and giggles. New warnings on every chapter!

About The Reader: SHE/HER, related to Crimson Riot, has red hair but it’s dyed, not natural. She has a really cool quirk and went to hero school when she was young, but she doesn’t work as a hero.

This story is a spin-off to Bakugou Katsuki’s Daily Shenanigans but you don’t need to read that story to understand this one.

Also, English isn’t my first language so please be kind, I’m trying my best!

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Chapter 1 - A wild Red Riot appears!

“Welcome!”

A lovely jingle announces Kirishima’s grand entrance to the brand new coffee shop he decided to visit on this lovely afternoon.

It’s manly to try new things, you know; the old coffee shop he used go to might be nice and cosy but how is Kirishima supposed to know if it’s the best coffee shop or not if he doesn’t try the other places in the area? Right?

… Right?

…

Okay, Kirishima has a confession to make.

He doesn’t care how the coffee tastes like at this place. He really doesn’t. The only thing he cares about is Crimson Riot’s signature framed on the wall.

That’s why he’s here, the traitor.

“Ahh, hello!” Kirishima scratches the back of his head shyly; he doesn’t even look at the poor barista, he’s too busy looking around, searching for the sacred signature. He feels blessed to be able to step into this beautiful, crimson colored coffee shop which conveniently opened almost next to from his agency. Well, his and Katsuki’s agency, but that doesn’t matter.

“It’s on the left side, darling. Do not touch the glass, I just cleaned it.” The barista giggles and… oh hello, that giggle was absolutely adorable?! But first of all, what does she mean he can’t touch the glass?! He wants to touch the glass!

Kirishima makes a pouty face, clearly heartbroken by the sudden plot twist; he’s so close to Crimson Riot right now, yet so far away…

“Okay, you can touch the glass. Go on. You have five seconds. One… two…” The barista counts and Kirishima sprints to the little framed signature and does what he does the best; act like a fifteen years old fanboy seeing naked boobs for the first time. Man, boobs are nothing compared to the thrill he feels right now; Crimson Riot is a legend, no one has seen the man for decades, he’s manly and mysterious and Kirishima really likes that about him; sometimes he wonders if Crimson Riot is real at all; that man is so perfect, kind and chivalrous, he’s everything Kirishima wants to be when grows up… well, technically, he is 25 and he doesn’t have too much “growing up” going on anymore but he still feels like he’s twelve. He also acts like he’s twelve. So yeah, he wants to be like Crimson Riot when he grows up. He’s not there yet.

“Would you like to have a coffee or salivating over a framed signature is enough to start your day off with a kick?” The barista suddenly appears behind him and Kirishima jumps.

Well, that’s awkward.

“Yeah, I’m just about to… oh hi.”

To all the Gods and deities up in Heaven, thank you. - Kirishima mumbles as he takes in the beautiful sight in front of him. No, he is not talking about the beautiful signature on the wall this time; that one was demoted to the second most beautiful sight in the world.

“Good morning, sir.” The barista giggles again, and Kirishima swears an angel descended from above in front him.

Kirishima is known to be a ladies man; he loves ladies, he adores them, he cherishes them, he wants to tell every single one of them how beautiful they are; but this one is on another level. This lady here is the most perfect human being Kirishima has ever seen. This lady is the type of lady Kirishima would never have the balls to actually woo. Not like he ever had the balls to woo anyone, to be honest, he’s more like the funny uncle who flirts with everyone but no one takes him seriously and will probably end up alone with 6 dogs 8 cats, 3 bearded dragons because they are really manly and a house worth of Crimson Riot merch. He already has the latter and he’s working on the rest.

“Is the red hair a part of the work uniform or do you just happen to have a good taste?”

Why did he say that?! Why?!

“If that was supposed to be your way of flirting, you have a long way to go, Mr. Red Riot.” She grins and oh my god, Kirishima is in pieces. Literally. He’s quite sure he accidentally hardened his arms under his super tight-fit turtleneck and the fabric just shred to pieces.

At least it’s not something else that hardened…

Eijirou, no.

Do not go there. Do. Not.

“Ahh, you know me.”

“Our staff room window looks at the private parking lot of your agency. There is a massive poster with your faces by the VIP entrance. I need to say, you look much nicer with your hair down though.”

Why is this angel standing so close to him?! What did he do to deserve this beautiful sight?!

“If that was your way of flirting… it completely worked.” Kirishima admits with a crimson face.

You get it? Cuz he’s in Crimson Coffee? Next to Crimson Riot’s signature?

… Nevermind.

“I don’t mean to break your heart so soon, but I wasn’t flirting with you.”

“Y/N, are you bullying our precious customers again? I already told you… oh hello there, young man!” The random lady went from a loud yell to the most pleasant customer service voice he’s ever heard in five seconds. Well that’s a talent. “That’s Red Riot honey, give him a friend and family card, will ya?”

“I guess that’s alright.” The barista, Y/N, rolls her eyes playfully and gives him the little card. “Now order, I’m getting bored.”

And Kirishima does.

Kirishima orders 13 coffees even though he only needs one just to keep this beautiful angel entertained. He gets 2 massive coffee holders with 6 coffees in each and gives the spare one to Y/N with a shy smile on his face, because he’s a gentleman.

“You know I can drink our coffee for free, right?” Y/N raises her brow with a mischievous smile on her beautiful face and he might not have a shot with her after he embarrassed himself in every way possible, but it was completely worth it for that smile.

Kirishima made a great decision today by trying out new things.

Being blasted out of the window by Katsuki after he arrived late, juggling 12 cups of coffee while spilling half of them in Katsuki’s office was absolutely worth it.

(He also landed in the parking lot and was able to see Y/N in the staff room laughing at him. Best day ever.”

~•🪨•~

“Does he come here often or was that a special occasion? Come on, tell me! Please!”

You have all the respect for heroes but this Red Riot guy… is an absolute himbo. In the best way.

First of all, he has no idea how handsome he is. He takes your hand in a begging way, trying to get information out of you and you really need to concentrate to not show any kind of emotion on your face; thankfully, your family is blessed with amazing poker faces. The biggest master of them is your uncle who’s -surprise!- is actually the person Red Riot is asking about right now with perfect puppy eyes. He was able to keep up his mysterious persona for decades even though he’s also an absolute himbo in real life.

Second of all, Red Riot embarrassed himself at least ten times this week but somehow he always leaves with a proud smile like this is what he wanted to do in the first place.

Personally, you really want to smack this man in the head and tell him to be ashamed of himself because by the look of it, his self-esteem is so low he thinks this is just him being himself. Which isn’t true. Red Riot might be a himbo, but he’s also a well respected himbo… you mean hero, and he should definitely act a bit more… confident.

“So what do I get if I tell you this information, sir?” You ask cheekily; you can’t help it, okay? Red Riot is a handsome guy. And he’s also really sweet and gentle. Who would NOT flirt with him?

“I would like to say my number on a napkin but I feel like you would use it as a filter for the coffee.” Red sighs dramatically.

“That’s highly unlikely.” You retort; he looks up at you with eyes full of hope and you already hate yourself for doing this to him, but… “The napkin would melt into the coffee and it would be absolutely disgusting. I can’t serve that.”

“You are such a heartbreaker, miss Y/N! I would like to speak to your manager!” He yells, fake-offended, and you can’t help but laugh.

“Just order your bloody coffee and leave, Red. Seeing you being blasted through the window because you were late is really fun but I kinda hate listening to the drilling noise when your window gets fixed. It ruins my chi.”

“You’re a chi.”

“Well that’s just rude, sir. I might need to ask you to leave.” You giggle, and you can’t help but realize how the air just changed around you two; there is definitely something there, a tension you can’t describe but it’s not uncomfortable. It’s kinda nice to banter with him like this.

“You already did. But you also told me to order first.” Red retorts with a massive smirk on his face and you kinda want to put him into your pocket and keep him in there.

Finally, Red orders and he’s just about to leave when you decide to give him the tiny present you got him.

Yes, you got him a present. Shut up.

“Hey, Red!”

“Yeah?” He looks back with a massive grin on his face.

“I got something for the most handsome customer in this shop.” Red’s face contorts into a frown at that. Would it be rude to kiss your customer’s cheeks to give him some confidence? It’s just a kiss on the cheek, no biggie. Just one kiss. Come on.

“Lucky gal.” He mumbles, trying to fake a smile, but failing miserably.

“I’m talking about you, you himbo.” You laugh and run to the back; it’s a signed Crimson Riot poster. Your uncle was more than happy to throw one at you when you told him about Red Riot being your loyal customer; he’s kinda obsessed with the guy since his first appearance in the sports festival. Long story. He loves to be loved.

Kirishima pales as he rolls the poster out, his eyes misty by the time he rolls it out completely.

“This is a limited edition poster from 30 years ago. One of the first posters… what the hell, man…”

“Look closer.” You wink and Red starts to cry like a baby. He’s so fucking adorable, it’s ridiculous.

“Watching you grow up made me realize why I was a hero for so long. I’m proud of you. Stay manly! Crimson Riot.” Red mutters under his snotty nose. “Y/N, can I marry you?”

This man will be the death of you.

“No.”

“Okay. Thank you. Bye.” Red mumbles with red rimmed eyes. Working in your uncle’s secret coffee shop was the best decision of your life.

“See you tomorrow, himbo.” You giggle and the redhead disappears; one day, you’ll tell him that all the flirting you do is actually serious but that day is not today. You really want to see him gain some self-respect by himself before you shower him with praises every day. You can only hope you don’t ruin your chances by playing with him for too long but that’s a problem for later; for now, you are just happy to be around this mysterious, funny man.

… Next Chapter!

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Want to be on the tag list? Just ask me in the comment section or a message me!

The second chapter will be out in two or three weeks depending on your reception of this chapter then I’ll try to post a new chapter every 7 - 10 days!

If you want to see my other works, check out the Master list for Deku x Reader, Bakugou x Reader, Todoroki x Reader and Aizawa x Reader stories!

TL: @porusuniverse @sixxze

[alwaysonf1]

family bonding?

Pairing: Charles LeClerc x Hamilton!OC

Genre: Slice of Life; Fluff; A tad angsty

Word Count: 457

Warning: N/A

Rating: PG-13

Author's Note: Sorry it's taken so long, I've been very off-kilter lately. Also please read that one IG post for the joke it is.

The bounce of Charles' knee makes the nerves he claims he doesn’t have blatantly obvious to Iman. Though she can’t imagine why he’s so nervous. He’d met her parents multiple times before and they like him. She understands, to a degree, that it’s their first meeting since telling them that they were together, but it’s been an hour since they’re arrival and they have treated him just the same.

She turns to look at him, brow raised. 

“Definitely not nervous, right?”

“Nope,” he says, but there is a mild stutter.

Iman gives him a look.

“Why are you so nervous? They know you, they clearly still like you. And they’ve meshed well with your family. What’s the problem, my love?” As she asks the question her hand caresses his cheek.

Charles looks tense, but he relaxes a little under her touch.

“I… What if they change their minds?”

“It’s been an hour and there has been no change of mind. I promise, they know that Lewis does enough of the protective nonsense for the both of them and they trust my choices.”

There’s a deep sigh and his head tilts back. Several seconds go by and he takes a breath and nods. The rest of the stressful body language leaves him. Then the smallest workings of a smile starts.

“Are you saying Lewis doesn’t trust you?”

Thoughts of denying that are the first to pop into her head, but she sees the lightness in him and prefers to keep it going. The man can be too hard on himself at times and she’s on a mission to try and curve that. 

Without much hesitation Iman rolls her eyes. “You make his favorite vegan food wrong two times and you never live it down.”

Once more Charles’ head goes back, but this time accompanied by laughter. It brings the same out of Iman.

“What’s so funny?” Arthur asks, hands-on his hips and looking put out by not being let in on the joke.

“Lewis not trusting me with his favorite food.”

Brow raised Arthur takes a seat. So, Iman launches into the story that is funny from start to finish. All three are laughing and it draws some of the others in. First being Logan, because he always needs to be in the loop if something is funny.

By the end of the story everyone is over and listening to how everything went down with barely concealed laughter of their own, well except for Logan he’s very blatant about his. Lewis is the odd one out though, looking grouchy and interjecting when he believes that Iman is lying or has gotten something wrong in the story. Especially the parts where he swears that she did it on purpose.

lewishamilton: Family time 

user1: So cute

user2: Family time? Ok Lewis

user3: Not him considering Charles family already

user4: Charles family is there. Even Logan is there. All their adopted white boys.

immyhamilton: Very light skin of you to make the picture of you the only one not in black and white. Hmm.

hateruser: Oh…

‎ ‎↳ user4: Girl go touch some grass

logansargeant: Don’t let this picture fool you, he had me in a headlock seconds before this was taken.

‎ ‎↳ lewishamilton: Snitch

‎ ‎↳ ‎immyhamilton: He did what? Lewis when I catch you!

‎ ‎↳ lewishamilton: @/charlesleclerc

‎ ‎↳ charlesleclerc: Good luck

user5: now why is enzo on logan's shoulders???

[blackhairedjjun]

you made my day. ✧༺♥༻✧

pairing: ot5 (individually) x gender neutral reader | genre / tropes: comfort, fluff, slice of life, meet cute, strangers to (potentially) lovers; reader is an intern in yeonjun's and a student in taehyun's | word count: 900 - 1k each | warnings: profanity, food & drinks in all except beomgyu's, getting scolded in yeonjun's, getting lost in beomgyu's

summary: you're having a bad day and things don't go as planned. but a chance encounter with a kind and handsome stranger makes things a little bit better.

author's notes: this was supposed to be posted in time for the release of the seasons of txt: youth photos, but then i got writer's block working on kai's and then i got super busy with work so i finished this only now. this is my first time making a fully ot5 work, and it was a lot of fun coming up with unique scenarios for each member. i hope you enjoy!

(all mini-fics are under the "keep reading" cut! photos are left uncropped to preserve the original uploader's watermark. photos are from bxmgyx_13 on twitter.)

1. soobin 수빈

of all the days for you to forget your umbrella, it’s on a day when it actually rains.

you stand underneath the awning of the convenience store, sighing and clutching your bag of snacks. even as you silently wish for the rain to stop so that you could walk to the subway station, head home, and enjoy your food, the downpour only grows stronger as if the universe is playing a cruel prank on you.

today is supposed to be a relaxing day. maybe the sound of the rain would be calming if you were at home munching on a bag of your favorite chips... outside, not so much.

a few minutes pass. the rain abates ever so slightly, but not enough for you to go home safely. you glance up at the sky still covered in clouds, then back at the street view in front of you, losing hope.

you don’t mean to make eye contact with the tall stranger passing in front of you.

at that moment, two thoughts cross your mind. the first: he looks like an actor, i swear i’ve seen a handsome face like that before. the second: wow, a tall man with a big umbrella, if i were more shameless i’d ask him to cover me to get to the subway station.

the universe, once again, decides to humor you.

the young man stops in his tracks, still staring. then he turns away, bowing his head a little, as if trying to make himself smaller. you watch while he stays like that for a little bit, shifting his weight from one foot to another, clearly embarrassed by your encounter.

your face grows hot with embarrassment too and you bring your free hand up to cover your eyes. what am i doing? you chide yourself. just because he has a nice big umbrella doesn’t mean it’s okay to stare!

but before you can scold yourself too much, you hear a soft voice in front of you.

“do you... want to share?”

slowly you remove your hand from your eyes. the tall man is looking at you, and though he seems shy, you see a faint smile of politeness on his face.

“yes, please!” you nearly shout. “i mean 一 i’d like that, thanks.”

he bows a little as he moved forward and tilts his umbrella towards you. “sorry for staring, you just looked really sad standing here like that一” he stops, realizing what he just said, and presses his mouth shut.

cute. 

“no, it’s okay. i’ve been wanting to go home for a while, so yeah, i was feeling pretty bummed.”

“oh... sorry about that.”

you shrug. “it is what it is,” you say as you stepped under the umbrella. when you tell him that you were headed to the nearby train station, his eyes light up; he passes it by on the way to his dorms. the setup is perfect for both of you.

the tall man, you notice, seems naturally shy; even as you walk together under the rain, he makes sure to keep a polite distance from you, even if it meant one side of him getting slightly wet. his umbrella is slightly tilted towards you to make sure that you’re well-protected, even at his expense.

“hey, you’re getting rained on 一 it’s okay, you can bring the umbrella a bit more to your side.”

“it’s fine, i’m worried about your bag.”

“oh, this?” you lift up your bag of snacks on your free side. “don’t worry, they’re just bags of snacks. the packaging will keep them from getting wet.”

“oh? what snacks did you get?”

you tell him about your bags of chips and your packs of bread that you bought and his eyes start to shine. “i was gonna have a nice day to myself, just watching movies and eating these,” you say. “i picked out some dramas to watch this morning...”

“if you want really good bread, there’s a shop that just opened a few blocks away from the subway station! they make everything fresh, and i’ve been stopping by there after my classes.”

“oh! i’ve passed by that place, but i’ve never tried...”

as the two of you continue talking 一 turns out he has a lot of anime recommendations for you to binge while eating 一 he slowly starts to open up. he still looks handsome like an actor, but he has an adorable smile and a sparkle in his eyes that make him less intimidating and more endearing. he feels like someone you could hang out with, someone you could relax and be yourself around.

it wasn’t long before the two of you finally arrive at the subway station entrance. the rain has stopped, and the young man sets his umbrella down; now that you can see his face better, you take in the shine in his eyes and the dimples on his cheeks. oh, he’s so cute.

“hey, thanks so much for walking me, uh...”

“soobin.”

“thank you, soobin.” you feel your cheeks grow warm at you mentioning his name, and he seemed to blush a little, too. “this was nice of you to do.”

“ah, it’s nothing to worry about...”

“do you want to meet up at the bread shop sometime?”

the words tumble out of your mouth before you can stop yourself. oh god, what are you doing? you start to chide yourself again for asking to hang out with someone you’ve known for ten minutes. all he did was walk you home out of courtesy, and yet一

“yeah... that would be nice.”

he seems to be trying his hardest to look at you straight, but you can tell that the shy smile spreading across his face was genuine. relief washes over you and you can’t help but smile back.

the smile doesn’t leave your face as you hand your phone over to him to exchange numbers. while typing in your contact details, a thought crosses your mind: maybe the universe knows what it’s doing after all.

2. yeonjun 연준

the walk home from your internship feels like a walk of shame.

you messed up a pretty urgent task, delaying your team’s entire project, and your boss had little patience as he scolded you in front of the other interns. even as you make your way back home where you can forget and perhaps drown your sorrows in ice cream, you can still hear your boss’s voice rising and ringing in your ears, and feel the interns’ eyes on you as they watch you get a dressing-down. some looks are ones of pity, others of annoyance 一 but they sting at you all the same.

it’s hard for you to push away the memory as you trudge down the familiar route to your apartment, the sights around you barely perceptible to your troubled mind. you don’t even have the mental energy to pay attention to the pedestrians around you, walking down the same sidewalk and headed who knows where, when一

bump.

“shit!”

you feel the splash of coffee on you and see a stain of dark brown spreading across your work shirt.

“oh shit, i’m so sorry一”

a bit of spilt coffee shouldn’t mean much, but today it’s the final straw. you burst into tears, unable to stop yourself from sobbing in a crowded street of strangers. everything about this day is conspiring against you: you can’t do your job right, you embarrassed yourself in front of the rest of the intern team, and now you can’t even get home without looking like a complete idiot. you want to disappear into thin air but all you can do is cry, which just makes you feel even more ashamed... and then cry harder.

“hey, please don’t cry, i didn’t realize that it was that bad一 did you get burned? i can walk you to a clinic一”

at first you barely pay attention to the young man who spilled his coffee on you, but now it’s hard to ignore the way he looks at you with eyes wide with worry. his hands hover just inches away from your shoulders, ready to comfort but not crossing the boundary of your personal space, and despite your tears your heart softens a bit at his willingness to help.

“it’s fine,” you sniffle, wiping your tears away with the back of your hand. “i一 i didn’t get burned一”

“i’m sorry for making you cry, i wasn’t paying attention一”

you can’t help but burst into a small laugh.

now the man looks confused, tilting his head at you. “wh-what’s so funny?”

“it’s not your fault that i’m crying,” you say, the last of your tears finally falling. “just had... a bad day.” 

“oh.” 

you watch the look in his eyes shift. he was looking at you with panic and desperation, but now his gaze softens. his hands fall to his sides but he leans toward you to listen to you better.

“sorry about your day.” his voice is softer now. “and it’s alright to cry it out, it must’ve been hard for you...”

you simply nod. your gaze falls to the sidewalk and you notice the spilled cup of coffee by your feet.

“s-sorry about your coffee...”

the man stares at you and tuts, shaking his head. “you just had a bad day, and you’re worried about my coffee? it’s fine, it’s nothing compared to what you went through.”

“i guess, i just... can’t help but feel bad.” you chew on your lip. “can i buy you a new one?”

he let out a chuckle and the sound makes you feel light. “will it make you feel better if you buy me a coffee?”

perhaps it would do you good to do something right for someone today, you think. besides, he seems nice, and he does deserve a coffee for trying to soothe you.

“yeah, sure.”

“then i’ll let you if it makes your day a bit better. there’s a cafe across the street, we can just stop by there, yeah?” he shrugs off the open button-down he’s wearing over his shirt and hands it to you. “and here, wear this to cover up the stain.”

“it’s fine一”

“c’mon, you can wear it.”

 you hesitate for a moment, but the young man looks at you with such wide eyes that you can’t say no; you take the button-down and put it on over your shirt. it’s big on you, but that’s good for covering up most of the stain. and while soiled clothing may be the least of your worries, it preserves your pride just enough that you smile for the first time today.

“there, you’re smiling already. you feel better?” he says, returning the smile.

oh, he’s handsome.

your smile widens and a blush starts to creep on you. “yeah... yeah, i do. and i guess some coffee would help.”

“then we can grab some together.” he offers his arm out to you. “i’m yeonjun, by the way.”

you thread his arm around his as the two of you walk towards the cafe. it’s an oddly intimate thing to do with someone you just met, but it feels right.

“nice to meet you, yeonjun. and thank you for helping me.”

maybe today isn’t such a bad day after all.

3. beomgyu 범규

where the hell am i?

it’s the first thought that enters your mind as you step off the train, and it’s the thought that comes back to you again and again as you wander around the unfamiliar station. the whole place is unnervingly quiet; no other trains passing by, no hustle and bustle of the city, not even other passengers chatting and waiting for the next train to come. you open your phone and check your map 一 and you realize that you have gone horribly, horribly off course.

you did everything right; your friend gave you the name of the train station close to their new apartment, and you even looked it up before your trip. you know that the apartment was quite far from your place, but this is too far altogether. sighing, you open your chat with your friend and start texting them: hey i think i’m at the wrong station can you please help. you pace back and forth as you wait for a reply.

nothing.

the cell signal in the station weakens. you can’t even send your friend a follow-up text.

you almost let out a scream until you notice that another passenger has appeared on the platform: a young man bobbing his head to whatever music he’s listening to. he pays you no mind as his attention is absorbed by the earphones connected to... a cassette player?

you squint. does anyone still use cassette players in this day and age?

in between his little listening session, the young man catches at you staring at him. he tilts his head at you, pauses his player, and takes off his earphones. “what’s up?”

“uh...”

should you ask him for help? if he’s waiting for his own train, maybe he’d know the station better than you.

he follows your gaze down to the cassette player in his hand and frowns. “hey, i like vintage things, okay? my dad gave me this and it still works.”

“n-no, it’s not that...” 

your confusion and frustration must be too obvious, because the young man slips his cassette player into his bag and takes a step towards you. “uh, are you okay?”

fuck it, you can’t solve this yourself anyway.

“i think i’m lost.” you head over to him and show him your phone: the station name your friend gave you, a screenshot of the route you took. you explain to him where you’re headed, and he nods along as he listens and examines the map screenshots on your phone.

finally, he lets out a nervous chuckle. “uh, sorry. i don’t know how to get there either.”

your heart sinks.

“but i know where the helpdesk is, maybe we can ask them? let’s go there together.”

“aren’t you waiting for the next train though...?”

“it’s fine, it’s coming in around 20 minutes. let’s go, then?”

he gives you a sheepish grin, and somehow it’s the most reassuring thing you’ve seen all day.

the two of you make your way through a maze of staircases and walkways to get to the helpdesk, which the young man explains is on the far side of the station. all the while he sticks close to you, arms nearly brushing as you walk side by side, and it makes you feel anchored in an unfamiliar place.

“i’m sure your friend must be worried about you,” he says. 

“yeah, and i can’t even text them to tell them where i am.”

“we gotta make sure you get back then. don’t worry, the helpdesk staff are super nice. they’ve always helped me out here, so they’ll surely be able to help you too.”

he smiles and nods at you as he says it, and it makes you believe him. he’s kinda cute, too.

the young man is in the middle of telling you about how he’s visiting his family when you spot the HELP DESK sign in front of a modest booth. you nearly sprint to it, but your companion manages to keep up and get there first.

“excuse me, could you help my friend here? they’re supposed to get to...”

you lend your phone to him as he explains your route to the middle-aged woman behind the help desk. she lets out a laugh as she hears him out 一 it turns out that there are two stations close to each other with similar names, and your friend gave you the wrong station name. “don’t worry, it’s a common mistake,” she says. “you’re not the first person i’ve seen make it. here, i can trace your route for you...”

a few moments later you hold a paper map with a post-it explaining which lines and stations you’re supposed to take. you relax visibly as you scan the instructions, and a new wave of energy fills you to get to where you need to go.

you look up at the young man and he seems even more excited than you. he’s grinning from ear to ear and bouncing slightly on his feet. “we did it!”

“thank you so much,” you say with a bow. “couldn’t have done it without you.”

“don’t get lost again, okay?” he says with a laugh. “or else i’ll have to come pick you up or something.”

“i’ll be fine, don’t worry. what, do you want me to text you when i get there?”

you’re joking but you freeze. what on earth were you even saying?

the young man goes from excited to sheepish, though he hasn’t stopped smiling. “i mean, yeah, that’s a good idea.”

“yeah...”

you find yourself exchanging phones with him, and when you get yours back, you glance at the new contact. beomgyu. there’s a little teddy bear emoji next to his name.

“text me when you get to your friend’s place, okay?”

beomgyu’s gaze softens, and you feel yourself growing warm.

“okay.”

4. taehyun 태현

you shouldn’t have checked how much progress you’ve made.

in the middle of your study session you flip through the pages of your chemistry textbook to see how much you have left to read... and you still have three-fourths of the chapter left. after that you have two more chapters to go. you flip through your own notes and realize that, as dense as they already are, they aren’t even halfway done. then you check the time on your phone: it’s been forty-five minutes.

oh, it’s going to be a long stay at this cafe.

you can feel the worries rising in your throat, but you take a sip of coffee to try to wash them down. it doesn’t work, but you don’t have the time to self-soothe right now. you only have so much time before it gets too dark and you have to return to your dorm.

your head is spinning with chemical equations and diagrams when the empty seat across you shifts. the muffled noise is enough to make you look up, and you notice a stranger hovering near the seat. the rest of the cafe is full.

“may i sit here?” he asks.

“sure.”

you pay him no mind as he settles down, and you continue studying.

half an hour and one finished coffee later, and you still aren’t done with that first chapter. your notes started out neat but have since devolved into a half-legible mess of symbols and equations that might as well be ancient runes to you. the last ten minutes were spent scrolling on your phone because you would rather distract yourself at this point. groaning, you throw down your pen and rub your face into your hands.

i’m not understanding anything.

the soft thwack of your pen against your textbook catches the attention of your table-mate, who has finished his pastry and is sipping his drink while typing some notes on his phone. you glance up at him and see the name scrawled on his coffee cup: taehyun.

he glances at your pen, then at your textbook, then up at you. “is this for a chemistry class?”

you nod.

taehyun examines the textbook again, then your notes. “oh, i took the same class last semester. do you want help?”

you want to yell oh my god, you’re a fucking lifesaver, but instead you say, “yes, please!”

you allow taehyun to flip through your textbook, even your messy notes. his eyes widen as he takes in every detail, and when he looks up at you he gives you a tiny smile. there’s a little sparkle in his eyes that washes down just a bit of your worries.

“this is pretty good progress you’ve made. you got the fundamental parts right.”

“oh, i… did?”

and here you thought your mind was just flailing around.

“yeah. you’re doing great.”

“but i’m slow.”

“it’s better to be slow and understand everything well than to be fast but not absorb anything,” he says. “do you have an exam coming up soon?”

“uh-huh… tomorrow. and i’ve got two more chapters after this.”

“oh.” taehyun blinks and goes quiet for a few moments, pondering what to do. at last, he picks up your pen. “you could probably go faster with some help, then.”

a wide smile spreads across your face.

taehyun guides you through each lesson, pausing once in a while to check if you can follow him. you resume taking notes and they’ve gotten neater again, and all the strange symbols and diagrams and equations start to make sense. the panic in you starts to fade away little by little, and the fog in your mind from all your worrying starts to clear. with that gone, you find yourself understanding each lesson much more quickly.

“you’re good at this,” you say as taehyun finishes drawing an example chemical structure on a napkin.

“i am?” he lets out a small chuckle and you blush a little. he’s sweet. “well, i did enjoy my chemistry classes last time. but it only really counts if you got to learn something.”

“i did, i honestly did,” you say, eyes scanning your notes.

taehyun follows your line of sight and once again you see the sparkle in his eyes. “that’s good, then. and i can tell from your notes too, you already figured a lot of it out. you’ll do fine in your exam.”

“you think so?”

“yeah, really.”

“well...” he’s right, you admit. you exhale slowly and allow your shoulders to slump a little bit. “thanks.”

in the end you manage to finish just two out of three chapters before it gets dark outside, but taehyun makes a cheat sheet to help you. you watch him as he scrawls his notes on a loose sheet of paper 一 oh, he’s a lefty! you note 一 then tucks it in between the pages of your textbook. as he slides the textbook over to you, he gives you one more look with wide eyes.

“good luck tomorrow. you can do it!”

“thanks! and, uh 一 thank you. i couldn’t have done it without you.”

taehyun lets out a little chuckle. it sounds tiny, but to your ears it could fill the whole cafe. “you should let me know how it goes. i’ll be here tomorrow too, same time.”

“oh...”

there it is again, the twinkle in his eyes. you feel yourself grow warm at his words as you look at him. you still have your exam to get through, but now you have something to look forward to tomorrow.

“sure, i’ll be here,” you say. “see you.”

5. huening kai 휴닝카이

perhaps a little ice cream will put you out of your misery.

the line for the ice cream truck in the park is long, as expected on such a hot day. one part of you understands this rationally, but another part of you is antsy, an inner five-year-old grumbling and stomping their feet on the verge of a temper tantrum. sure, everyone in this line is sweating under the sun as much as you are, but your patience is wearing thin and you just want that ice cream now. 

you would have been more patient if you’re getting that ice cream with your friends as originally planned, but your plans fell apart at the last minute. one by one, they texted you their reasons why they couldn’t make it: they have to work overtime at their job, their boyfriend suddenly showed up for a surprise date, their cat got hurt and had to be taken to the vet... by the time you read the last ones, you were already waiting at the park, your carefully planned outfit wasted and slowly being stained with sweat.

if it happened to someone other than you, you would have laughed at the unfortunate string of coincidences. but instead the sheer bad luck taunts you, and now all you can do is take out your handkerchief and wipe the sweat off your forehead with a sigh.

you don’t know how long it takes 一 perhaps a few minutes, perhaps an hour 一 but you finally make it to the front of the ice cream truck. you bounce on your heels as you turn to face the ice cream man, ready for a little bit of ice-cold, sweet comfort on an otherwise terrible day...

“sorry, we just sold out.”

“WHAT?!”

the ice cream man flinches. you didn’t mean to scream so loud, but the frustration building in up in you is just too much to hold back. the people in line behind you start to disperse, a few of them stopping to stare at you. you apologize for your outburst  but slink away in defeat, head bowed from resignation and sheer tiredness.

just then you feel a tap on your shoulder.

“uh... y-you can have mine...”

you turn around and see a young man with tousled black hair holding out a popsicle still in its packaging. he smiles sheepishly as he hands it to you. “sorry, i got the last one...”

with one look at him, whatever irritation and frustration you feel melts away. you can see the sweat around his forehead and the slump in his shoulders, then your eyes fall to the gym bag hanging by his side. he must have been exerting himself under the sun, you think, and there’s no way you can take an ice cream from someone like that.

“no, i’m 一 i’m sorry for shouting like that. you can have it.”

“no, it’s okay, i promise!”

“really, you don’t have to give it to me.” you start to walk away, hoping to deter him, but he only follows. “keep it, it’s gonna melt if you don’t eat it soon.”

“take it! please?” he steps to your side and you notice how much he towers over you. his face betrays his height, however 一 he glances at you with big, pleading eyes, and your resolve softens.

“okay, okay.” you take the popsicle from him and unwrap it.

the two of you sit down on a park bench. you taste a little bit of the popsicle, now soft from the heat, and the fruity flavor instantly gives you a little burst of energy. you smile as you dig in to the rest of it, trying to savor it before it melts.

you pause for a moment to look at the young man who handed you the popsicle. he looks content as he gazes out at the park scenery, without a hint of bitterness that you took his ice cream from him. he turns to you with a smile, and you can’t help the little flutter in your heart when he does.

“that looks so good,” he says.

“it is! uh, sorry i took it from you.”

“nah, it’s okay. they ran out of my favorite flavor anyway so i’m not too sad.”

“oh.” you finish the popsicle and place the wooden stick inside the packaging. “it would’ve been nice if we both had one, though. it’s really hot today.”

“yeah, dance practice was extra brutal today under the sun...”

“dance practice? oh my god, that sounds exhausting.”

“yeah, everything hurt so much! but i finally figured out our new choreo, so it’s okay.” he glances over at you and opens his mouth to speak again, only for him to look confused and turn away. oh, he’s a shy one.

you decide to fill in the silence. “do you want to hear something funny?”

“sure!”

you tell the stranger about the slow thwarting of your plans for the day: the sudden overtime, the surprise date, the cat at the vet. your companion’s eyes widen with each new detail. when you finish he starts out a high-pitched laugh, and the sound makes you laugh too.

then he realizes he’s laughing at you and he stops. “oh一! oh, i... that’s so unlucky... and the ice cream running out too... i’m so sorry.”

you shrug. “today’s just not my day.”

“i’m glad i gave you that ice cream, then. you needed it.”

“yeah... thanks.” you glance down to fiddle with the edges of the popsicle wrapper, and you feel your lips curl upward in a smile . just then an idea enters your head, and you look up to meet your companion’s eyes.

“do you want to meet up here again next week? maybe we can get an ice cream for the both of us next time. my treat.” you tilt your head at him. “i’m y/n, by the way.”

slowly a wide smile forms on your own companion’s face, and his eyes start to twinkle with giddiness. “y/n... ah, i’m kai. and i have outdoor dance practice here every week, so i’ll see you after?”

“that would be nice, kai.”

[meowniee]

Na Jaemin - Not Ready

Pairing: Female Reader x Na Jaemin (boyfriend)

Genre: Romantic and kinda kink smut

Word Count: 5599

Warnings: Switch reader and Jaemin | both are in college age | oral sex (m/f) | deep throat | cum play/eat | fingering | mentions of dry humping | unprotected sex (use condom in real life, please) | the reader is small compared to Jaemin | a little manhandling | bit of subspace | tell me if i need to tag anything else. Not proof read

A/N: Not a warning but: jaemin is a pillow princess (!!) in some parts (just a dick to satisfy her, omg this my favorite part) , reader is not innocent at all and she knows what sex is and everything etc.

“I want you”, you whisper in his ears using your sexier voice, lips pressing softly near the lob, the warm breath of your words caressing his little hairs.

“No, you’re not ready yet”, he whispers back, almost sounding like a repressed gasp.

“You can’t decide this for me!”, you speak louder, sitting back in his lap, outraged by the same old answer.

Jaemin shushes you with a tender kiss on your lips, cupping your face between his warm hands. “You’re not gonna die if we wait a little longer”.

Fuck, you can not be angry with him when he speaks so softly with you, his breathtaking stunning smile showing, looking fondly in your eyes.

“How can you say this? How do you know I’m not gonna die??”, you pout, your voice almost breaking ‘cause you want to cry in frustration.

“Are you going to die if I don't let you sit on my dick, baby?”, with an unblinking gaze he asks, his eyebrow raising defiantly. Your cheeks instantly feel warmer. Your eyes fall to your hands, regretting your words. Omg you're so embarrassed right now. Fuck, Jaemin…

“See? You can’t even handle the words”, his hand tucking your hair behind your ear, “Just give yourself a little more time. Be patient”. He kisses your forehead and lays you down, spooning your back. How can he sleep like that? You’re still burning in desire and frustrated. 

Jaemin is an exchange student, he came all the way from Korea to your country to study photography, pursuing his dreams. Since his first day he has captured everyone's hearts with his good manners and warm smile. You didn’t know a single person that dont like him. It’s like… impossible. He would never hurt a fly. On the contrary, he would take care of the fly if it was hurt. He’s just like that.

And it’s been a couple months that he is “taking care” of you. You aren’t hurt or something. You just really want to have sex with your boyfriend, but he his cock blocking himself everytime that you are making out. In the beginning you thought he was being really respectful, waiting for you to take the first step, approaching him or doing the first move. But in the last weeks it feels like he doesn't even want you. You tried a lot of things to seduce him: you dressed pretty for him, you did your sexier makeup, you touched him differently, you started slowly kissing his neck… And at no point did he show any interest in taking a step forward. So when you clearly stated that you wanted to have sex with him, he said this? Fuck, Na Jaemin.

Today you woke up in the morning to beautiful sunlight filling the room, the warmth covering you like a soft blanket. The sweet smell coming from the kitchen was amazing. Just before you decided to get up, Jaemin crossed the door with a tray full of delicious looking foods. 

“Good morning, princess”, his voice was cozier than your blankets.

You just smiled back, a little sleepy yet, stretching your arms above your head and sitting back at the bed frame.

He placed the tray in front of you. Orange juice, pancakes, coffee, a slice of cake and some grapes. It was a full breakfast for both of you. “Gomawoyo [thank you]”, you said. He looked surprised at you and smiled proudly. “I said it right?”, you shyly asked. “Ne [yes], it’s right. You’re so gwiyeobda speaking korean”. You closed your eyes trying to remember this one, but failed. “I don’t remember this one”, you pout a little, silently saying sorry. “It means cute”, he patted the top of your hair. You frown your eyes and smile with the gesture. Sometimes he treats you like his little puppy and you love it more than you want to assume. 

“Do you need something for tonight?”, he asked while eating a pancake.

“It is okay. I have everything ready”. 

Today is your birthday and you are having a party in your dorm. It’s not a big party but you made it clear that it was a kinda fancy party. You wanted to dress nicely, look pretty, like a doll in your high heels and short black dress. Your best friend helped with the preparations and will help you with your makeup too. 

“When is your best coming?” Jaemin asked.

“She will be here around 8pm… I hope”, you laugh. She’s almost ever on time but… you never know

“So I will go out for you to doll up without men around you”, he joked, “I will get some nice champagne for my princess birthday”, you flustered while he held your hand and kissed your knuckles.

“You tried something else after that?”, your friend whispered curiously while you two were choosing accessories to complement the looks. You sigh in discontent and shake your head. No, you haven’t tried anything after that sad attempt. 

“Girl, you read those things that I sent to you?”, she asked with a huge smirk on her face. “Maybe that way he can't say no… He’s being like that but he is still a man!”. 

You laugh, hiding your face between your hands, kinda embarrassed. “I don’t think I have the courage, but i will try my best”, you both laughed hard. She helped you put together a plan for today… you will sleep with Jaemin tonight. There’s no more time. You desperately need him naked, in your bed, touching all your body and everything. 

The plan? Well… If you couldn’t handle his words that night, now you can, and you will show your different side. You trained in the mirror a lot of times. You can’t be shy around him to conquer your prize. The sentences flood your mind for long hours the last few days. You will be the one that will not let him say no this time. You are choosing tonight and he’ll not be able to stand against it. If you don't give him a chance to say no, he can't stop you…

“Wow, you are stunning, princess”, Jaemin was enchanted by you. His eyes shining more than your jewels, his smile wider than ever while dancing close with you. “So, so beautiful”, he whispered in your ears. He was as stunning as you with a black suit perfectly fitting his broad shoulder and small waist. “Can’t wait to give you your present”.

“Wait! A present?”, you gasp in surprise, looking at him with rounded eyes.

“Yeah, a present… I think you’ll like”, he said with a mischievous smile, eyes piercing yours. “But we need to wait ‘till the end”.

Now your mind is malfunctioning. His words leave you dizzy, your body warm and chills running down your back. Maybe he planned the same thing for tonight? He is your gift? You couldn’t hear anything around you anymore, just his words repeating. God, just make this party end really fast. 

You couldn't wait. Two hours later you were leaving all responsibility for the remaining guests to your friend and walking upstairs with Jaemin right behind you. Holding his hand tight making sure he wouldn't run away, letting go only after having closed the bedroom door. You looked at him with your sparkling eyes, little smile.

“Wait a moment”, he asked, turning his back to look for something in his bag. You tried to sneak a look, but he was faster, turning to face you again.

He was holding a black box in one hand and the other was guiding you till you face the mirror with him pressed in your back, looking into your eyes through the reflection.

He rested his head on your shoulder as he opened the box, revealing a beautiful necklace. “I bought this for you. It will fit you so well”, he said as he took the jewel out of the box to put it around your neck. His hands brushing along your collarbone.

He put on the jewel and rested his hand on your shoulders gently, placing a soft but long kiss on your neck exposed by the dress. Eyes fixed in your expressions in the mirror. 

“This is so beautiful, Nana”, you sighed, touching the jewel that rested beautifully on your neck. “I want my princess all pretty for me”, he kissed your shoulder this time while his hands traveled down your arm. You got caught by his moves and turned your attention to him. His eyes were so calm, but so dark. Your body softened in his arms, letting your head fall back a little, exposing your neck.

He started to kiss you from your shoulder with little pecks all the way to your earlobe, sending shivers down your whole body. You had to bite your lip to hold a soft moan when he softly bit your ear, taking a deep breath of your perfume.

You let your hand travel to his neck, caressing his soft black hair, turning your head to look into his eyes. Your lips were so close, almost touching, like a magnetic force pulling towards each other. His hands pressing your waist, back pressed against his chest, solid like a wall. 

You part your lips and close your eyes inviting him to start the kiss. His lips are soft and you feel him melt when your mouths connect. His body moves while kissing you, almost like a little dance, and your body follows him naturally. He cups your cheek, a thumb pressed gently in your face while the rest pull you closer. Your body starts to feel warmer and you deepen the kiss, your tongue invading his mouth needy. The kiss became sloppy and messy, hard to breathe as you devoured each other's mouths.

He turns you into his embrace. Your hands flew to his chest, cupping his gym worked tits. He mischievously smiled after looking at how tiny your hands looked in his body. He took a deep breath and dove into your mouth again. Your hands started slowly to open his buttons, your touch so soft, trying to catch him off guard.

You only managed to open half of them when he broke the kiss and grabbed your wrists. You looked into his eyes and silently challenged him. With your fists immobilized by his hands, you lashed out with your mouth. Small kisses left on the warm exposed skin of his chest. “Don’t tease me like this”, he growled, closing his eyes, but not letting you go yet. 

You started licking his smooth skin with just the tip of your tongue, making sure to breathe right after so he can feel the temperature difference. He inhaled deeply through his teeth, letting a sound of pleasure escape his mouth. He let his head drop back, just enjoying the feeling. You took that opportunity to free your hand and grab his, leading him to the bed like a predator seducing his prey. Your prey. Your foux eyes fixed in his, your lips curving in the ends. He just follows you till you grab him and throw him on the bed. He sits and looks up at you, standing taller than him. You are so close between his legs that he is almost pressing his chin in your stomach, right under your boobs.

Hands pressing his chest down, you kiss him until his back is pressed on the mattress under you. His hands caressing your waist all the time, traveling up to your ribs and back to your hips. He’s lost in the trance. He’s lost in you and what you’re doing to him right now. He almost forgot that he needed to breathe.

“Baby…”, he sighs, looking at you and breaking the kiss, “Where is this coming from?”. For a moment you thought he might be mad, but he wasn't. No. He was enjoying it too much. His gaze melted, his body surrendered to yours. You sit in his crotch, sliding your hand in his chest and unbuttoning the remaining buttons. He’s not stopping you. 

You return your lips to his mouth, down his neck and collarbone, all the way down his chest. You stopped to leave an experimental kiss right beside his nipple. He groaned and tensed his hands in your hips. You go a little further and lick it before closing your lips around, sucking gently. You feel his hips trusting your core. You smile with victory. Your boyfriend is totally lost underneath you, surrendered and pretty hard.

You feel his hand holding the back of your neck, with almost no pressure, but guiding your mouth to the other nipple. His sounds are so pretty that is making you ruin your lace lingerie that you choose just for this night, for him. You continue your journey across his abdomen (all the six packs, omg), kissing and licking all the spots you've always wanted to worship. 

He took your lips off his body when you got to the waistband of his pants, gently pulling you by your hair. “You're evil”, he whispered the words in a deep voice. You smiled and pressed your cheek to his hip, bringing your mouth so close to his already hard bulge. “You sure about this, princess?”, he looked closely at you smirking, looking for signs of doubt. But he did not. You were very sure about that. Without a word, you laid your hand down gently, fingers touching his hard cock. His mouth opened on a moan as you closed your fingers around him. Then he snapped.

He grabbed your head and pulled to his face, sitting again, shoving his tongue inside your mouth, looking desperately for yours. Fuck… He was kissing you like he was starving for days and you were his fresh meal. His hand everywhere on your body, pressing you against his chest and down in his crotch, making you roll your hips against him. You finally let out a high pitched moan when he trusted you harder. 

“This feels so much better than my pillow”, you murmur in his mouth.

“Fuck, baby…”, the only thing that he could pronounce while you speed up your hips. His lost eyes rolled back.

“Do you want me to stop?”, you tease him.

He shakes his head ‘no’.

“That’s what you wanted? All that ‘you’re not ready bullshit”,you talk like a snake, your voice comes out like hisses while you return to assault his neck, biting his perfect skin, leaving little marks. He’s just a groan mess right now, his cock pulsating inside his pants, his eyes closed. “Did you want me to take control of you so badly? … Oh baby, you could've just asked me”, you mocked. You felt your head being pulled, forcing your face below his. His sudden attitude left you breathless.

“Watch your words… or I'm gonna think that you don't want to be treated like a princess in your first time”, he threatens, his voice is dark, his eyes trailing all over your expression.

Fuck, you’re so in trouble right know. But it softens right away. His duality will drive you crazy. He gently lay back, guiding your head gently to his crotch. His lips already smiling again, his hands leaving your head just to rest behind his own.

You unzip his pants and pull them down, lowering your lips to his covered dick. Just a thin line separating his member from your mouth. You’re drooling just thinking about having him weighing on your tongue.

You face him and start pulling his underwear down, almost painfully slowly, without taking your eyes off him. You take his thick member and massage it lightly, running your small hand up and down, feeling the sensitive skin at the tip and all the prominent veins leading up to it. You feel the fluid that slowly comes out of it letting your hand slide easier. You press a little harder and twist your hand when you reach the top. A low pitched moan leaves his pretty lips again.

You stick your tongue out and lick the tip like a kitten. His eyes devour every new move you make. You take him in your mouth, moving down slowly as your jaw relaxes to accommodate his size. As you accommodate him, you move your head up and down, pressing your tongue up and sucking, twisting your fists where your mouth couldn’t reach, doing it faster as your mouth relaxes.

“Shit, baby… Do it slower”, he instructs you. A hand resting on the back of your neck, guiding your moves. “Where did you learn to do that?” His rhetorical question was cut off as you swirl your tongue around the tip, followed by a series of indistinguishable murmurs. The hand that previously rested on your neck starts to press you down, making you take him even more. He stopped before it made you gag, but he kept you there. 

“Baby, can you relax and breathe through your nose for me?” You looked at him and nodded, doing as he asked, breathing slowly through your nose, feeling your throat relax even more. He presses your head down slowly, feeling his cock go deeper into your mouth, pressing against your throat. He groans and bites his lip as he watches the member disappear.

“Now swallow”, and you did. His cock slid down your soft, warm throat until your nose was pressed into his abdomen. He looked down and saw you wet eyes closed, eyebrows furrowed. Your little hands pressed his thigh while you trying to breathe with his cock shoved down your throat. He let go of your head and you freed your mouth with a pop, spit forming lines connecting you and his dick standing tall in front of your face. 

You wanted so bad to taste his cum that you protested when he suddenly pulled you into a kiss. “What was that?”, he asked after hearing you whining. You couldn't speak the words that went through your head. “Where is your bold persona now? Pull yourself together and say what you want, princess”, he used the same tone you used with him earlier, mocking you. “Want to stop?”, he asked seriously this time, always watching your expressions.

“No… just want to make you cum…”, you replied looking into his eyes, doing your best to hold his gaze as your face burned.

“You want my cum… in your mouth?”, he asked cautiously, his voice smooth as silk in your ears. You nodded in response.

“Fuck… you just need to ask, love. Everything for my princess”, he smiled and pressed your head below his cock, right in his balls, while his other hand wrapped around his girth. “Lick them like a puppy”, he ordered. You watched intently as he massaged his cock from bottom to top, licking his balls as he asked. He was a mess, lips parted in an 'o' shape, eyes closed and head tilted back. Small beads of sweat started to run down his neck and forehead, wetting the ends of his hair that were there. His breathing getting shorter and his noises louder, his abdomen contracting. 

“You think you can swallow me again, princess?” You didn’t wait to take him in your mouth again. He looked bigger than before, weighing more on your tongue.

“Relax and swallow”, and he pressed you all the way down again, faster than before, making you choke. Your throat closing made him squirm, moaning floating through his lips.

“Tongue out”, he commanded as he took it out of your mouth, jerking faster, looking at your face. You know you looked irresistible like that. Tongue sticking out, sitting on your heels, puppy ​​eyes, waiting thirsty for his cum to drop all over your face. 

The scene in front of you was also irresistible. He looked very close to cumming, breath hitched, mouth open, eyes almost rolling back. Fuck. You slid one of your hands between your legs to try to quell the pain that was making you throb.

Without a warning beyond the loud moan, he cummed in your tongue. The thick fluid falling into your mouth made you moan too. He kept jerking his cock until he could breathe and his muscles relaxed. You waited anxiously with your tongue full of cum for him to give you an order. He looked at you and stroked your cheek gently. 

“So patient”, he praised you, looking proudly at your messy face. “Come here”, he gestured with his fingers, beckoning you closer. You were doing your best not to let the cum run off your tongue, but it was too hard. You could already feel a part slowly oozing out. 

He helped you climb onto his lap, straddling his lap. “Oww, you are making a mess”, he took out his own tongue and licked what was running from the corner of your mouth. You didn't know you could feel even more horny than you were feeling right now. “Kiss me”, he ordered, already passing his tongue on yours, scooping someone from your mouth just to shove it right back. 

It was the messiest kiss of your life, cum dripping from the corners of your mouth as you shared. You couldn't control your hips rolling in this tight, pressing on your throbbing point, wanting some relief from the burning sensation in your core. In the end, he made you swallow everything, until the last drop of his cum. Hands gripping hard in your hips, helping you to keep the rhythm as it became out of step.

“Are you sure it's your first time, princess?”, Jaemin jokes, his voice still rough from moaning. 

“I just did it in my mind… a lot of times”, you admitted, sheepishly at the end.

“Have you been thinking about humping my thigh too?”, he forced your face to look in his eyes. His grip slowed your movements, making you whine.

“Nana… don’t stop”, your voice was like a whisper in his ears.

“My mouth is better than my thigh, you know?. Come here, baby”. He helped you out of bed and slowly began to take off your dress. His warm hands pushed the dress off your curves, letting it fall to your feet. 

He reached out and took your hand, guiding you to the bed again, but this time more romantically, laying you gently on your back on the soft mattress. He kissed your lips and imitated what you had done to him. He went down your body leaving wet kisses and small bites. Every new place his mouth touched burned your skin, making you shiver. 

He put your leg over his shoulder and looked into your eyes. His lips were so close you could almost feel them touching you. He stuck out his tongue and pressed against you. He maintained eye contact until his eyes closed in pleasure at the taste of you. He began to quickly move up and down past your swollen clit to your tight entrance, slightly sticking his tongue inside of you.

A new sensation was added when he started stroking you with his thumb. He pressed in and out, each time letting himself in deeper, until you felt him inside you, massaging your velvet walls. Your legs trembled around his head and you felt him chuckle pressed into you. The thumb quickly turned into one finger, then two, in and out in a slow, almost painful rhythm. Your body was sweating and your mind was going insane. You were almost there, but it seemed to be unreachable at the pace he was dictating.

You started rolling your pelvis against his face, trying to get his tongue to go faster.  He moaned with your movements and stopped, leaving his tongue out for you to use as you pleased. You started to fuck against his tongue, at the pace you knew would make you come. Your fingers tangled in his hair and pressed him even closer. The vibrations of his moans further increased your confidence and your pleasure. He kept his fingers firmly inside you, abusing a specific spot that brought you even closer to exploding. 

And then you did it. Pleasure flooded through your body and every muscle tensed, eyes rolling back, breathing paused as the sensation spread. And you melted in his mouth. He greedily licked all the pleasure that oozed out of your pussy. You didn't notice it but you've been pulling his hair all the time, pressing his face almost inside you. You couldn't get enough of it.

He made your orgasm last as long as possible. You protested when he took his fingers away from you, feeling the emptiness. His feline eyes were squinted at you. Satiated? He seemed far from being. He was just getting started and you didn't know if your body could take it anymore. You've never had more than one orgasm and surely your fingers didn't give you as much pleasure as his mouth did now. 

He laid his head on your thigh and waited until your body stopped shaking. His hands caressed your legs and hips, calming your senses. He looked like a predator softening up prey before attacking.

Like a cat, he crawled over your body, stopping at your chest. Your peaked nipples were an invitation for him to take them between his lips. He sucked gently as he swirled his tongue around it. His hand reached out, taking it and squeezing it gently.

“What was it like to use my face, princess?”, he whispered in your ear while his hand was still busy playing with your breast. 

“Incredible. But I want you inside me now.”

“Ohh, inside you? Come on then.”, he quickly spun you onto him, leaving you sitting on his hip. His hard cock rested on his stomach. Fuck... you couldn't believe all that had gone into your mouth moments before. He looked bigger now compared to the small distance from your entrance to your navel. 

“Worried?”, he asked as he watched your eyes travel over his body.

“I'm… a little… worried if it's going to hurt”, you pouted. He broke into a smile as soon as you shared your thoughts. “It looks so… rock solid”. Your words made him laugh out loud. 

“Yes, princess. It’s really hard right now”. He guided your hips until you had your lips pressed against his cock. He moved you the full length of his size, leaving a glittering trail behind. He stopped when you reached the tip, circling your clitoris deftly. He was stimulating you with the tip of his cock. Your body started to heat up again as your pussy managed to get even wetter.

He pulled your body against his defined chest, devouring your mouth without ceasing to minister against your sensitive spot. His hand burning all over your body. He was such a great kisser that you almost forgot that you’re about to be ripped open by his member. You felt a hand slip between your bodies. You felt him positioning the tip just in front of your entrance. You felt the pressure trying to get inside you. 

“Keep kissing me”, he ordered. He guided you down his dick, slowly. Your walls contracting with the entrance almost made your eyes roll over. Fuck, you’re feeling everything. All the bulging veins, the perfect shape of the tip, the delicious upward curve of his cock. Everything. The mixed feeling of discomfort and pleasure left your body confused. How could this be so good?

Then he stopped. You've never felt so full in your entire life. Your insides pulsed around him. 

“Hmm, you did so well, baby. When you're ready, use me however you like”, his free hand caressing your cheek. 

“Fuck, Nana…”, your head finally falls on his shoulder, trying to relax the rest of your body.

He patted your head while holding your butt pressed against him. You began rolling your hips experimentally, small circles at the base that further expanded your small hole. Each time it seemed to slide more easily through your walls. His growls below your ear matched the sounds you were making.

“Just like that, baby. Fuck yourself on my dick now. You wanted this so bad.”

Your ass began to pick up the pace, rising and sitting again, deeper and faster, the pain no longer hurting. Just pleasure running free all over your body. You could feel his body tensing, his breath unstable, little curses and praises flowing through your ears. 

You rested your hands on his chest and pushed yourself up, making him penetrate you even deeper, if that was possible. His gaze went from your face to where he disappeared inside you. His hand landed on your belly where a small bump formed. Your mind spun as you went up and down and saw the bump move. You looked at him in awe.

You started to set the pace faster, digging your nails into his chest, head dropped back, sweat nearly dripping into the valley of your breasts. Your thighs were burning with the movement, but it felt too good to stop. 

He watched your expressions of pleasure and frustration. He knew you had never come with penetration before. His thumb began to press against your already throbbing clit. The other hand guided your errant movement bouncing on his member. 

You slapped his hand off your pussy so you could reach your orgasm yourself, rubbing your clit the way you like it, pressing hard and fast. Jaemin was controlling himself a lot watching you use his body to achieve your pleasure. His eyes traveling between your face and your hand between your bodies. He didn't know if he could take much longer without coming before you. 

You felt your insides contract as well as your muscles. Your body spasms on top of him like electrical waves. You stopped your hips as your body processed the most wholesome orgasm you have ever had. Your moans echoed in the room and you had to place your hands on his chest so that your body didn't completely collapse.

There were so many sensations that you didn't notice when he quickly took your wrists and laid you down on the bed. With your wrists pinned above your head with one of his hands, he started to fuck your clenching walls. You involuntarily tried to get out from under him, but you were still with his other hand pressing down on your hips.

You didn't know what it was, but the overstimulation was driving you to a second orgasm without you having recovered from the first one. Now his hips were pressing hard and fast against you. Your name escaped his mouth in a mixture of groans and grunts. Maybe you felt it when the tears started to escape your eyes rolled with pleasure, but you’re not sure.

“I'm gonna cum deep inside you when you cream on my cock again, princess”, his voice came out as a deep, almost menacing growl. His brows were furrowed as his tongue pressed against his cheek. His eyes were just open enough to see you squirming beneath him.

“Please, Jaemin…”, you begged right away as the pressure on your G-spot was too much and the warm sensation took over your body again. 

The warm sensation wasn't just from your pleasure, but also from his cum being injected inside you. He pressed his cock so deep that you thought that you really were being split open. He stopped thrusting but you could feel him pulsing as he came with you.

You both remained catching your breath still inside each other. He slightly loosened his grip in your wrists and began massaging in small circles where he had pressed hard before. His lips left brief kisses down your face and neck while your minds returned to reality.

“Ow princess, why are you crying?”, he gently asked as he felt tears cut the path of his kisses. 

You shook your head in response. You didn't know why you were crying, but you didn't want him to think he had hurt you. He held you tight against his chest, stroking your hair as he soothed you.

“I'm feeling like I'm floating…”, you struggle to talk and think at the same time, but you manage to communicate with an airy voice.

“I’m here with you. Take a deep breath”, his nurturing voice came back. You're feeling so embraced in his warm figure that you could sleep right away. “You did so well, princess. You were such a good girl for me. I’m so lucky to have you”, he said and then kissed your forehead tenderly.

“Nana… why not before?”, you looked in his eyes.

“Why didn't we do this before?”

You nodded in agreement.

“I wanted you so bad, baby. But I hated the feeling of corrupting you like you were an innocent teenage girl”, he replied promptly, caressing your cheek and wiping the trail of the tears that had flowed earlier. “You're such a strong woman in all aspects of your life, Y/n. I wanted your confident self like this too. And the wait was worth it”, he smiled and kissed your lips affectionately.

“But you're going to have to tell me later where you learned all this…”, he said in a playful voice, lightly tickling your neck. Your face couldn't be hotter than it is right now from embarrassment.

“Now we're going to take a shower and then I'm going to prepare something for us to eat, okay?”, you cracked a smile as he picked you up.

Fuck, Na Jaemin… How could he be such a perfect man?

[pharawee]

I think it's no secret that I'm not all that much into gmmtv BLs. I used to think that it's because I'm just not that into the romance/slice-of-life/ensemble cast genre and it's pretty much all gmmtv focusses on in their BLs. Or maybe I'm really that shallow and I just don't like anything mainstream.

I can't really talk myself out of the mainstream thing because it's unfortunately kind of true, but also I like plenty of romance/slice-of-life/ensemble cast shows by smaller companies, like Gen Y or Future or Our Days (the list goes on and on and on).

There's just something about gmmtv BLs these days that loses me every single time. A series starts out strong with an interesting concept and characters and then it just gets... boring to me:

The things and characters and issues I find interesting are never delved into, and (probably because of that) everything just feels so shallow and formulaic and palatable. Shows like Never Let Me Go and Be My Favorite and My School President completely underwhelmed me towards the end, to the point where I was relieved when they ended and I no longer had to gif them (which is an entirely different thing that I'm trying to work on 🙏).

And now the same thing is happening with Wandee Goodday and it makes me really sad because I really like Great and Inn and the rest of the cast.

Mind you, I'm not blaming gmmtv for this. They're mainstream for a reason and good for them! I'm also not saying that their approach to making series or marketing their actors is bad because clearly their success and their many fans prove them right.

But there's just something about how smaller or indie companies work that appeals to me so much more. I like shoestring budgets, I like it messy and rough around the edges. I like it when they're so passionate and ambitious about their projects that they try to make it happen no matter what. I like it when they take risks with genres and stories that bigger companies wouldn't touch because they're not as marketable. I like when they say "fuck it, let's do wonky sound and rookie actors because if we don't we won't have the budget to make it happen at all."

I suppose it's similar to gaming for me, where I appreciate indie games and ambitious AA titles much, much more than AAA games that tend to appeal to the biggest possible audience.

Ultimately, I'm glad there's a market for both, but it's sad to know that many smaller productions will never be as commercially well-received as mainstream titles (while ironically being held to the same standards). And it's also bittersweet to know that whenever gmmtv contracts one of my favourite actors (which is fine of course - it's one of the best things that can happen to an upcoming actor in Thailand), I know that I won't get to see them again in the kind of series that I prefer.*

*Sometimes they contract them out to non-gmmtv productions. That's how I became a fan of Marc Natarit. But as soon as they're in a fixed acting pair it's basically over.

I guess the easiest solution is to just stop watching BLs from gmmtv (I'm explicitly only mentioning BLs here because I like most of their gen shows a lot more - The Gifted is still one of my favourites and just recently Enigma and Midnight Museum and Mama Gogo were absolutely amazing) but the problem is... their pilot trailers actually get me excited. Right now I'm really looking forward to Kidnap and ThamePo. Plus, once in a while gmmtv DOES take a risk and then you get incredible shows like Not Me (which apparently didn't do very well numbers-wise, so from a business pov it makes sense not to invest in them too heavily).

In the end, I think I need to get a lot more selective with the Thai BLs I want to watch. After all, there's now so many of them that we can finally afford to be picky (and that has to be a good thing, right?).

[erina-writes-headcanons]

Hey sweetheart *slides cheesecake* could you please make headcanons of Aone, Futakuchi, Koganegawa with Author Novelists S/O with Crime Fiction Genre? (Like Sherlock Holmes)

Aone Takanobu, Futakuchi Kenji and Koganegawa Kanji with Crime Fiction Novelists S/O

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A/N: Oooh Cheesecake! Thank you, Anon for giving me a Cheesecake! You know me so well that I love Cheesecake (>.>). Also, I bet you read my KNB headcanons with Novelist S/O. I'm glad you enjoy it and requesting me and I hope you like the final result.

warning: Profanity from Futakuchi and Kyoutani.

gender: neutral

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Aone Takanobu - Date Tech

I know it's not canon that Aone is a book lover but hear me out. I think he is low-key and enjoys reading books but not in the heavier genre as he prefers something light like teen fiction, Slice of life romance, comedy, or any lighter novel books.

He is actually really proud of you that he has an Author S/O who is very creative and has a gut to create some heavier genre of fiction despite his not really being a big fan of it.

He wouldn't tell you directly that he is proud of having such a successful Author S/O but damn he is really obvious about it because he would buy a bunch of flowers for you.

If you don't really like Flowers, he would definitely give you something you like and prefer (Probably like your favourite brand of chocolate, plushies, etc.)

Blushes red if someone mentions that he's lucky for having such a creative, great, successful and amazing S/O who can write amazing books.

Sometimes would help you with writing but not in the part where there's a crime scene. He would be helping you more with grammatical errors, spelling, vocabulary and such.

I am going, to be honest with you and I'm sorry about it. I don't think he would help you with giving ideas because I believe stories that have heavy topics can make him uncomfortable so he would just gonna watch you work.

Overall, Aone is very supportive and sweet despite you are writing a really heavy theme book. If you are tired, he would definitely prepare a cup of tea or coffee for you to relax.

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The screen of the computer was bright despite the room being illuminated by darkness with a small source of light from the lamp on top of your table. (Y/N) (L/N), one of the most successful authors in Japan for writing crime fiction with a great plot twist and depth story that could make anyone get excited when solving the mystery.

Their/ Her/His hair was unkempt, tangled, and reeked of sweat even though you didn't go out a lot. Underneath your eyes, there were eye bags that were quite large and this pitiful form of yours was clearly because you had not rested. (Y/N) did not want a book with just a basic ending, no. You wanted more than just a book with a generic ending as readers could expect it and you wanted a surprise element inside of the book. Hence, as a result of trying to come up with any great ideas, you had not gotten any rest.

From behind the door that was moving ajar slightly, a pair of eyes staring at you but despite it seems it has no emotion in his eyes, the male was worried about your current condition. The male was standing there in silence and his large calloused hands pushing the door away whereas the other hand are holding a cup of your favorite hot beverage.

Hearing the sound of the door creaking, both of your eyes shifted immediately and glancing at your partner. Despite his intimidating stare, you know that is just your boyfriend resting face and you couldn't help but smile seeing Aone being so caring.

Aone carefully places the cup on top of the table without spilling any drops, "Awww, did you make this for me? Thank you so much, baby," (y/n) coos, teasing the taller male lightly whose cheeks turning red after he heard those words escapes from your mouth and it did not escape from the certain (E/C) eye colour as Aone facing away, trying to hide his embarrassment. "You're.....welcome" You almost couldn't hear him.

However, it did not last long because the giant middle blocker noticed that your skin was getting paler than before and both of your eyes were bloodshot from staring at the computer screen for more than an hour. The shadow cast upon his gaze as his pupil shited to you, making the poor (Y/N) shrink in fear seeing his silent glare. "Why are you looking at me like that?" You ask.

"...Rest, or you will get sick. You can write later," he simply says.

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Futakuchi Kenji - Date Tech

I am sorry but I don't think he is the type that reads novel books and he prefers Comic books to Novels. Even if he reads novels, he would get bored easily and only read novels that have little pages instead of thick ones.

But that doesn't mean he wouldn't be supportive. He would help you but in his own way and can be a little bit of a prick instead of being gentlemanly like Aone.

Despite that he sometimes can be a little bit of a jerk and tease you, he doesn't mind helping you by giving some kind of ideas when you're writing a crime scene for your novel.

Would help you with your grammar, pronunciation and good ideas to be inserted in your story but also would throw snarky remarks here and there just for shit and giggles.

Of course, you're not gonna just stand there and let him bully you like an idiot. There would be a time you would flick his forehead or flip a bird to him, easing an 'OI!' from him.

He doesn't admit it but he is super proud that he has an amazing author s/o which are you, especially your speciality in making mystery and crime fiction.

Definitely bragging about you to his friends and rubbing it in their faces when you are not around, "(Y/N) is more creative than you, she/he/they can create a better story than you."

Oh? You're one of the most successful authors? Yeah, he would definitely be getting even cockier and rubbing it at everyone's faces, especially to Kamasaki even if he was older than him.

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A guy with a pair of brown eyes glances at the screen from the phone, seeing the particular person with (H/C) hair colour and (E/C) eye colour. Standing on top of the stage with bright smiles across their/her/his face. In their hand, there is a golden achievement with their/his/her name printed on the bottom on the bottom of the trophy.

Seeing (Y/N) standing there with a proud smile on their face made the certain captain of Date Tech's heart swells with happiness. He was proud that his S/O got the goal they/she/he had desired, it was their/her/his dream to become one of the most recognized authors in the country and you had gotten that goal.

It was no mistake that it needs a lot of hard work and every step feels like a thorn prickling on the skin of your feet. The news did not only reach his eyes but also reached his ex-teams from the volleyball. It was proven as his phone rang out of nowhere and he picks the phone up.

"SENPAI!! IS IT TRUE THAT YOUR WIFE/HUSBAND GOT AN AWARD AS THE BEST CRIME FICTION AUTHOR!?!" It was Koganegawa.

"No need to shout and yes. My wife/husband got the award of the best author," You could see his smug smile despite he was on the call and no one sees it. "THAT'S SO AWESOME! EVERYONE IN THE TEAM NEEDS TO KNOW!" and the voice line just cut off like that. But the silence did not last long enough until his chat was bombarded with everyone's chat. Including Aone who only gave the emoticon of a trophy, a smiling face, an arrow and a guy/girl which can be translated as 'Congrats for your S/O.' It was not only the middle blocker, but everyone who used to be a volleyball player in the Date-Tech asking poor Futakuchi.

Especially Kamasaki, "OI, FUTAKUCHI. IS IT TRUE THAT YOUR S/O JUST GOT AN AWARD! WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL EVERYONE! YOU SHOULD'VE TOLD US!" Despite it being just a text, Futakuchi could imagine the sandy blonde third-year player yelling at him before he texted back.

"Why? It's not that important for guys like you to know how great my wife/husband is," he texted back before pressing his thumb down on the send button, the corner of his lips tugged upwards after sending that little mischievous text to his ex-team mate.

Yeah, we cannot forget how much of a salt he is after the salt tower from Karasuno.

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Koganegawa Kanji - Date Tech

Another one, I don't think Koganegawa is the type that likes to read Novels and prefers Comic books because he thinks Novels are much more boring and hard to understand.

Koganegawa definitely doesn't even understand the word that you typed inside of your book when you need his opinion on certain things.

He's just gonna give you a big bright smile and a thumbs up, loudly shouting 'YOU'RE DOING GREAT, (Y/N)-CHAN!" after reading the book and not understanding anything inside of it.

I am very sorry, but I don't think he's smart as Futakuchi so he couldn't help much in helping you write down a story or helping you with grammar, pronunciation, and ideas.

He does try his best tho to support you in your writing career, even tho it's not as helpful as Aone. As an Extrovert, he had tons of friends so he would try to promote your book to his friends.

He also brags about you being a successful crime fiction author to his friends but without throwing snarky comments or being arrogant like Futakuchi.

"LOOK, GUYS!! MY S/O JUST MADE THIS BOOK! ISN'T THIS GREAT?! YOU SHOULD READ THIS BOOK GUYS!" without realizing that he was being too loud.

Also would definitely watch if your book got adapted into a movie even though he ended up not understanding the plot of the story, just thinking it was cool when there is a fighting scene.

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Sweat trickled down from the scalp of his head and a pair of dark brown eyes with small dilated pupils saw the screen of the phone. Watching his s/o steps going up to the stage before they/she/he was given a trophy of an award for becoming the best crime fiction author.

His smile was large and his eyes were twinkling brightly as if there were stars in them. Seeing Koganegawa excited causes the other teammate of Sendai frogs to look at the certain blonde with a dark brown tuft in wonder. Thinking 'What made Koganegawa so happy?' and 'Why he is so excited? We haven't had our play with the other team, yet.' across their minds.

"..Oi, Angry bird. Why the fuck you're smiling like an idiot?" The man that looks like a tennis ball asks Koganegawa.

"Hmm? Oh, Hey Senpai! I'm smiling because my girlfriend/boyfriend got the award as one of the best authors!" Koganegawa ignored Kyoutani's insult.

"...Who's your girlfriend/boyfriend?" The ex-middle blocker of Karasuno asks.

"TSUKKI!! IT'S (Y/N) (L/N)-SAN! SHE/HE/THEY ARE THE BEST AUTHOR IN THIS COUNTRY! YOU SHOULD READ HER/HIS/THEIR STORY!" Koganegawa shoves the screen of his phone in front of Tsukishima's face who immediately flinch since Koganegawa just got up to his personal space without thinking twice.

Kogane's voice did not only make Tsukishima and Kyoutani flinch because of the volume of his voice but it also attract other people who were also inside the room. "So...what kind of story that they made?" Tsukishiam raised his eyebrows in confusion. "I don't know...all I know is that her/his/their book was adapted into a movie and it has many cool scenes! Especially all of the fighting scenes!" Kogane states proudly about your book. Koganegawa's answer, of course, made the ex-middle blocker of the Karasuno raised his eyebrows and tilted his head a little bit in confusion whereas Kyoutani just scoffs and walks away from the scene. "O-oi! I'm not finished! She/he/they made that popular book with (Title name)! You should see it, Kyoutani Senpai!" Koganegawa yells, trying to tell him one of your most popular fiction.

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[f10werfae]

What is your favorite trope/plot line/romance genre?

I’m not a fan of enemies to lovers (which seems to be an unpopular opinion) I don’t know realistically I just could never fall in love w someone I hate bc im that typa person😭 So my favourite type of tropes are i guess any without angst because I literally cannot deal with angst, I find it so hard to write without tearing up as well💀 I tend to read a lot of saucy playful men x reader? Idk if that makes sense, but the ones where the guy tends to tease the reader A LOT but in a loving way, college AUs, Dominant men‼️, slice of life and domesticity 🫣 Stories where you can clearly see the guy loves the reader sm on so many diff levels😭

psa: startin a new hashtag for these typa questions so they’re all in one place xo

[demonstars]

my friend got me into anime through bungou stray dogs intending to get me obsessed with the crazy fantasy powers trope (like bnha, demon slayer, etc.) but i ended up liking sports anime instead. she doesnt understand how i can stand watching the "boring" ones it's so funny lmao 😭😭

i've watched haikyuu, run with the wind, chihayafuru... i love em so much

my kpop friend loves bungou stray dogs!! i feel you a lot on the "boring ones" lol those are definitely also my favorites tho i do enjoy fantasy once in a way... there's just something about slice of life. also, at least from what i remember of haikyuu, it was super dramatic and tense! i feel like there's obviously going to be a variety in a product that's so clearly diverse, and there's so many ways to get into anime, that you really can't Just get someone into one genre of the very same. it is honestly an art form such as any animation and like see it be dismissed so easily by people (and see animation be dismissed as a kid thing) is really upsetting in a way because these respectable crafts should be upheld to the same standards people do cinema <- wants to be less picked on when people find out i watch anime

[thebookbin]

I posted 115 times in 2022

That's 110 more posts than 2021!

51 posts created (44%)

64 posts reblogged (56%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@sarah-yyy

@thebackhill

@masaotheheckindog

@howlsmovinglibrary

@9ojos

I tagged 115 of my posts in 2022

#reblog - 63 posts

#fanart - 38 posts

#book review - 29 posts

#featured - 27 posts

#queer - 21 posts

#fandom: mdzs - 18 posts

#thots and feelings - 16 posts

#a good read - 13 posts

#five stars - 12 posts

#animorphs update - 12 posts

Longest Tag: 70 characters

#the best poetry for me captures an abstract but hyper-specific feeling

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

The Other World's Books Depend on the Bean Counter #1—Favorite Panels

And now for a new thing I'm trying: a section for my favorite panels!

You can check out my full review of the manga «here»

1. The one where a scab makes me feel bad for him

This man literally goes to a whole 'nother dimension and immediately wants to work. The most notable thing about him is the eye-bags and the crushed soul of a man under the boot of unfair labor practices.

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2. The one where it's a tragedy how cute this man is

See the full post

10 notes - Posted August 30, 2022

#4

The Other World's Books Depend on the Bean Counter #2

Irodori Kazuki

Publisher: Yen Press Genre: isekai, fantasy, slice-of-life Year: 2022

Volume 1 «here»

This series is quickly becoming one of my favorites. It has all the things I love: an introspective story and the first stirrings of a found-family, a play on established genre themes and seemingly opposite people falling in love, and people forcibly taking care of an extremely competent man with only one braincell.

Seiichirou is such an interesting character because he's so underestimated. He's dedicated to work to the point that it's combined with his identity. Literally having sex and kissing another man all the time as a medical procedure is forcing him to confront life outside of work, but the idiot is clearly struggling. Watching him talk himself out of any sort of romantic feeling by saying "oh we're in a different world, things are probably different here" without any sort of examination of that presumption is hilarious.

Meanwhile, Captain Aresh is having Feelings™ watching this man overwork himself. First of all it is literally my favorite thing in the world when the grumpy one falls first. His heart is beating fast and he's like what?! This guy?! But then is creating meal and break schedules for this frail little man.

The play on familiar genre tropes also just scratches an itch deep in my brain. Seiichirou is not the Chosen One, he's just some rando who got caught up in this mess and is trying to live his life. Interestingly enough there is a Chosen One, a teenage girl, ,who fits the isekai trope, we just don't really pay much attention to her. But the way that Aresh is clearly physically superior: Captain of the Guard, and a magic-user to boot, when Seiichirou questions his knowledge of his own department, it leads to character growth for Aresh, who starts taking the paperwork aspect of his job seriously. The entire genre is generally framed around a completely regular person from our world getting transported to a magical world who has immense powers in this new world. But Seiichirou is just a regular guy in both worlds, his only "superpower" is his terrifying work-ethic, and yet, he is still the one teaching our otherworlders things about themselves. Also I just really love all of the people around him bullying him to be healthier.

storygraph | bookshop.org | local houston

★★★★★ opposites attract nerdy boi gay stars

Check out my favorite panels «here»

15 notes - Posted September 9, 2022

#3

The Dawnhounds

Sascha Stronach

Publisher: Gallery / Saga Press Genre: scifi Year: 2022

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*I received a free copy of this book from the publisher in exchange for an honest review*

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I just finished Dawnhounds by Sascha Stronach, a goblincore fungipunk Māori post-apocalyptic scifi(?) and it’s so unlinke anything I’ve ever read it’s hard to quantify. The story follows Yat Jyn-Hok, former street rat, current cop, very soon to be murdered. This is a post apocalyptic world where inorganic materials such as metal and plastic are shunned. The city is made of fungus—it’s alive. Doors can be regrown to the hinges, bodies can be modified to promote far-sightedness and gender modification, and the city reclaims the dead. But in this alive city, not everything is as it seems: extreme wealth disparity, a never ending war with a far-off island, and disappearing people.

When Yat is murdered, she is thrust into the dark underbelly of the city she thought she knew. She’s confronted with the dark reality that her indifference to the realities of the city and her role as a cop is just as cruel as the violence around her. Meanwhile, her aging partner, a smart man who’s seen too much, is trying to help her in the only way he knows how. And the Māori gods are calling her, tugging on the threads that keep her alive. The story is such a fantastical mix of everything. Such interesting world building, a mystery, the mythological elements bringing a touch of fantasy, and a woman trying to find her way in a society that doesn’t accept her.

The book does have extreme homophobia, but Yat does find a found-family in the form of a raging queer pirate crew that consists of a literal goddess of a captain, her trans wife (who has to shave because while she knows who she is she is also comfortable with her body as it is) a non-binary boatswain who plays a nose flute , and a chonky strong Tigress crew member who Yat is mysteriously drawn to. Such a fascinating read. I think I’ll want to read it again honestly. I think because I’m unfamiliar with a lot of the mythology and cadence I didn’t fully grasp the story the first time.

storygraph | bookshop.org | local houston

★★★★ sapphic fungipunk stars

19 notes - Posted August 16, 2022

#2

Bookish News You Need To Know

HarperCollins Publishing Union is on Strike NOW

Since July, HarperCollins workers have been bargaining with their corporation to receive fair wages, diversity commitments in the industry (which has remained 90% white), and for their right to collectively bargain. To stave off the strike HarperCollins agreed to come to the table, but refused to engage in good faith.

HarperCollins UAW 2110 has been on strike since 10 November.

How you can help:

All this information comes straight from the union. Visit their website for the most up-to-date information. Follow their lead when it comes to direct action!

Donate to the strike fund! You can use this link here or make our cheques to: ATTN Lynne Weir Region 9A UAW 111 Founders Plaza, 17th floor East Hartford, CT 06108 "HarperCollins" on the memo line

Bring supplies to the picket line Email dm @hcpunion on instagram to see what they need right now. But in general things that would be helpful are: lunch, gluten-free and vegan options, hand-warmers, and scarves.

Don't boycott HarperCollins titles The union is asking you not to boycott, because they still support their authors and want them to succeed. Improved conditions for HarperCollins workers means improved conditions for HarperCollins authors.

Contact HarperCollins and share the news Your support for the union should be addressed to peopleteam@harpercollins.com and brian.murray@harpercollins.com

If you're near NYC, join the picket line 195 Broadway, New York, NY 10007

DO NOT REVIEW HARPERCOLLINS BOOKS UNTIL THEY PROVIDE FAIR CONTRACTS TO THEIR EMPLOYEES. And if they are nominated for any awards like the GoodReads Choice Awards withhold your vote on HarperCollins titles.

Reblog this post This isn't part of the official union instructions, but it would really help spread the word around the tumblr book community.

Sources: HCP Union social medias: Twitter Instagram The Citizen's Guide to Following the Money and Holding the Powerful Accountable free ebook PDF MorePerfectUnion @harpercollins

47 notes - Posted December 2, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Animorphs #33: The Illusion

So already the children are commenting how Jake “looks like an old man.” And the decisions he's making are acknowledged as horrifying but necessary. BUT THEN THERE'S THIS QUOTE: “It felt good to hear Jake say I was indispensable. But with Jake you could never tell anymore what was sincere, and what was just expedient. He’d been the most open of guys, back in the old days. What you saw with Jake was what you got. But he’d been a leader for a long time now. He’d learned to say what he needed to say. Jake NEEDED me as one of the Animorphs. He liked me, respected me, was happy for me when I was happy—and when he had to he used me without regard for anything but winning.”

What the actual fuck.

50 notes - Posted August 27, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[kumikoumae-archive]

any anime you recommend? mmm I have a whole watch list but nothing’s really popping out to me as of now. looking at some new popular one times I’m a bit hmmm about

Ohohohoooo do i have animes to recommend... It would help to know what type of anime is your go to but i’ll jut rec things from a variety of genres:

Mob Psycho 100 (aka the best series of all time) (action, comedy, supernatural) you probably already heard of it so i wont say much but i cannot recommend it enough. Animation, soundtrack, voice acting, plot, LITERALLY EVERYTHING abt this anime is perfect

Natsume Yuujinchou (slice of life, supernatural) there are six seasons and the animation in the first few seasons is not The Best but the story is so sweet and this anime will make you cry almost every episode. It’s about an orphan boy named Natsume who can see spirits/yokais and inherits the Book of Friends that contains the names of many yokais. The anime follows him as he gives back these names, makes friends with both humans and yokai, and finds a family that loves and respects him. I have so many feelings about this anime... soundtrack for it is great and i listen to it all the time.

Hotarubi no Mori e (drama, romance, supernatural) this one is a 45 minute movie by the same author of NatsuYuu

Barakamon (slice of life, comedy) a guy moves to the countryside and learns to be more respectful and kind as he meets and befriends the people that live there, more specifically the children that live there and make his life living hell lmao. It’s adorable and Naru is the best kid you will ever see. she is absolutely unhinged.

Kekkai Sensen (action, supernatural, super power) Leo moves to Hellsalem’s Lot, a city that was known as New York before a gate between two worlds opened and turned the city upside down. Aliens, weird creatures, vampires and humans coexist in there. And Leo ends up involved with a secret society of vampire hunters named Libra. I know this series might sound very generic with the whole vampire thing but I garantee you I have never watched something as chaotic and entertaining as kekkai sensen. AND THE SOUNDTRACK IS THE BEST

Hibike! Euphonium (music, school, drama) OH THE DRAMA. It’s about a school concert band that wants to win a national competition. Our main character, Kumiko, isnt very passionate about anything but as the series goes on we see her start to have ambitions of her own. It’s very gay (if you dont mind queerbaiting because they do try to shove that one of the main characters is straight even tho she clearly isnt lol). The animation is the classic kyoto animation style (a lot of people dont like it, but i absolutely adore it)

Karakai Jouzu no Takagi-san (romantic comedy, school life, slice of life) Takagi is a very cunning girl that loves to tease Nishikata and make his life more “fun” by having competitions with him. My poor boy suffers so much in her hands. They’re both very much in love and it’s all very pure and very sweet. One of the funniest romantic comedies i have ever watched (right up there with gekkan shoujo nozaki kun, which i also recommend) and, while the progression of their relationship is very VERY slow, they make actual progress towards understanding each other’s feelings (plus there is a spin off manga where they are actually married and have a daughter lmao) animation is very simple and the music does not stand out, but if you want a good laugh and a sweet romance this is the one!

Kimetsu no Yaiba (shounen, supernatural, demons) u probably also heard abt this one since it was one of the most talked about last year. It has a slow start but the animation and sound design are Amazing. definitely give this one a go.

I really want to recommend noragami but tbh the anime did a lot of things wrong and i recommend reading the manga instead. even tho the animation and the soundtrack for noragami are top notch

i have watched almost 300 anime so i have a lot more to recommend if these arent what you’re looking for!

[ficsforeren]

List of my upcoming works (March - April 2022)

Click here to see my finished works.

Chapter 2 Release Date: 17 APRIL 2022

Pairing: Eren Jaeger X Female Reader

Genre: Pornstar AU, Smut, Fluff

Summary: Over the last four years, you’ve become a rising star in the adult entertainment industry. Yet, you can’t seem to forget one of the actors you met in the very beginning of your career — Eren Jaeger. You might even say you’ve got a bit of a crush on him with how often you watch his videos. When you’re hired by Bellesa Films to shoot a sex video, they allow you to choose your partner, and without hesitation you state out his name. While the sex is bliss, like nothing you’ve ever experienced before, you’re ignorant to the truth behind your years-long crush.

Snippet:

On Zeke’s cue, Eren and Porco entered you and Pieck at the same time, pushing you both forward and forcing your lips to meet. You moaned when you felt Pieck’s mouth parting yours, her slick tongue plunged and plundered. Eren sank his nails a little harder on Pieck’s hips as he pounded his hips faster, encouraged by the pretty sounds of your whine. Eren had watched his fair share of porn, but damn, none of those girls ever sounded as sensual as you.

How are you going to sound when you moan my name? he wondered.

You broke away from the kiss, letting out a little, “ah, ah, ah,” with every thrust Porco gave you. Eren’s eyes darkened. Jealousy gnawing at his chest like a hungry wolf.

It should’ve been me. It should’ve been me. It should’ve been me.

Art by: @NxngOna on Twitter

Chapter 3 Release Date: 10 APRIL 2022

Pairing: Eren Jaeger X Female Reader

Genre: College AU, Spider-Man/Spider-Girl AU, Fluff, Smut,

Summary: Eren, a 21-year-old virgin college student who loves his camera a little bit too much, has a crush on you. Every night, he switches on his camera and talks about you but he never could find the courage to speak to you in real life. Strangely enough, he finds it easy for him to befriend Spider-Girl, the crime fighting vigilante, not knowing that you both share the same identity.

Snippet:

Maybe it’s better to not indulge his wish. It’s wiser for you to stay away from him and keep whatever is going on between you right now professional. But when he asks you with that gorgeous smile, “Thank you, Spider-Girl. Can I treat you to some coffee?” It’s really hard for you to say no.

But thank God, you manage. “With my costume on? Very funny, Jaeger.”

“Or you can take your costume off.” He grins, almost mischievously, which adds another level to his attractiveness. “Unless you’re telling me you’re naked down there?”

He is flirting with you, almost very uncharacteristically so, not to mention inappropriate. What’s really funny is the part where you’re upset over the fact that he’s flirting with Spider-Girl when he’s supposed to be flirting with you—the real version of you.

Wait, you reconsider with a puckish smile slowly forming on your lips, how funny would it be if he falls for me and Spider-Girl at the same time, only to find out later on that we’re the same person? He’s going to freak out.

See, moments like this make you wonder if you truly have what it takes to be a superheroine because clearly, you think more like a villain than anything else.

“And what if I do?” You ask him back, your voice dripping with allure. “What if I am naked underneath my costume? Would you still want me to take it off for you?”

Art by: @rainbuniart on Twitter and Tumblr

Chapter 2 Release Date: 24 APRIL 2022

Pairing: Eren Jaeger X Female Reader

Genre: Domestic AU, Rockstar/Band AU, Fluff, Smut, Slice of Life

Summary: Your husband may be one of the hottest rockstars in the world right now, but when he's at home, he's nothing but a doting father that spends too much time braiding his daughter's hair and cooking his son's favorite food, and an insatiable lover who needs his morning wood to be taken care of at six in the morning.

Snippet:

“Daddy, are you leaving?” Irene says with a pout, looking up at her father. She has one hand holding her drawing, another one gripping Jace’s smaller hand.

Eren squats down on the floor, matching his daughter’s height. “Yes, Sweetheart, but only for a little while.” When her pout grows bigger, he spreads his arms wide. “Come here. Daddy will make you feel better with a hug.” She immediately leaps toward his chest, knocking some air out of his lungs. Eren falls back on his behind, laughing as he winds his arms around her tiny shoulders.

“Ren,” you stop his laughter. “You forgot the little one.”

His eyes widen, noticing the way Jace is standing awkwardly on his feet with his hands behind his back, hiding his drawing. “Oh my God, I’m the worst,” Eren says, seconds away from slapping himself on the face. “Come here, little man!” The little boy breaks into a smile, jumping into his arms almost exactly like the way his sister did. Eren falls back on the carpeted floor with the biggest grin on his face, two kids resting their heads on his chest.

“Now, what about me?” You question.

“Oh, right, I forgot about the biggest baby here,” he teases, playfully rolling his eyes at you. He picks his babies in his arms as he rises back to his feet, and you welcome him into your embrace. “Yay, group hug!” Eren shouts, followed by his kids doing the same thing. You can feel the happiness that radiates off of him, seeping into your soul, and you let it stay within.

Art by: @viii0_8 on Twitter

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[yyxgin]

lee felix’s guide to hating you

— ♡ FIC BANNER MADE BY THE AMAZING @chogiwow !!

pairing: lee felix x fem!reader genre: college au, tutor au ; fluff, angst, slice of life, slow burn word count: 21 k warnings: mentions of alcohol, mention of weed, swearing, bad family relationships

a/n: this story is very briefly inspired by jaemin’s drama ‘the way i hate you’ :) also this idea has been in my mind for such a long time, so i’m happy i finally managed to write it. this is also my longest fic so far, i hope it’s worth it. uhh yea enjoy <3

taglist: @feyregels​ @missskzbiased​ @hyunyin​ @koishua​ @crispy-chan​ @rindomo​ @soulssung​ @thatrandomoneinthecorner​ @90shermione​ @chogiwow​ @creatichee​ @freckledberries​ @hyunnies-stars​ 

There’s a list of things Lee Felix knew before applying for college-- and that is: 1) he really, desperately needs a degree for his grandparents to value him as an equal adult, 2) college in young adult movies seems like fun and partying and alcohol really does sound like his wettest dream, 3) he doesn’t need to work for another 4 years, which is fun and 5) he is really, horribly bad at studying.

Here’s a list of things Lee Felix, however, did not know before applying for college, and even though it’s fairly shorter, it hits you in the guts deeper, and that is: 1) studying for college means never ending chapters of insomnia and 2) he is always going to feel like the second choice for everyone. 

You see, girls don’t like Felix that much. Well, that’s a lie-- girls do go after him, tell him he’s cute and his freckles are adorable, but that’s only after they find out there’s no use in chasing after his best friend Han Jisung when he gets himself a new significant other. Boys don’t go after Felix either. Why, you may ask? Read the paragraph over again-- just change the word girls to the word boys. It’s as simple as that. He’s always the second choice, the back-up plan. It feels silly to drag his grandma into this, really, but the truth is, he’s a second choice in every aspect of his life, and that, too, includes his big (and still growing) family that treats him as something less than a human just because of the fact that his grades aren’t as good as his cousin’s are and he doesn’t have a degree in biological science, although he’s too young for that and his college years only started. It’s hard, living in his shoes.

What is Felix, however, really good at? 

Cheating.

Yeah, well, you see-- it’s not funny to be the outcast of the smart Lee family and it’s also not enetaining in the slightest to be the only single one at family gatherings (read as: weddings, because every single one of his relatives decided to fuck up their life with marriage in the past three years for some unknown reason). So Felix does what he’s the best at, and that is going by his favorite life motto: fake it ‘til you make it. 

He cheats on every single one of his exams and believe me when I tell you he’s the top of the class just because he’s the best cheater in town. Good cheating techniques equal good grades and suddenly, Felix’s life seems much brighter when he spends his sleepless nights with creating cheat sheets instead of studying and copying essays written in korean, translating them to english and submitting them as his own because no one will ever notice-- his degree is within the reach of his hand and he can already feel all the grandmas of the family clapping in joy, maybe even wiping away a stray tear on his graduation ceremony in a few years with bouquets of flowers in their hands and expensive watches in their gift bags, ready to welcome him back into the family.. 

What he doesn’t expect, though, is the cute little saying of ‘every lie has short legs’ he swears he heard sometimes in his linguistic class before, coming to life right in front of his eyes as the professor of his Biology class makes him the assigned tutor of the sweet Y/N Y/L/N, because, well, he clearly doesn’t know anything-- what’s he supposed to tutor now? 

The best cheating techniques?

The freckled boy sitting in front of you looks at you with furrowed brows and you wonder what’s the matter with him. Is there something on your face? Are you not dressed appropriately for the occasion? I mean, it’s only a tutoring session, so you didn’t put that much effort into it, but judging from the casual outfit enveloping his body, he didn’t really try to look fancy either. So what was it with him that made him stare you down as if you had horns on your head?

“Shall we start?” he asks once he’s done staring, voice sounding determined. You wonder if he sees the hints of nervousness on your face and if he notices the way you shrink in your seat in the mention of biology, but you guess he doesn’t know you that well to know that you fear the subject as much as you fear dying. 

“Yeah, sure,” you nod, scooting closer to the edge of your seat so you’re not so far away from the table. Felix-- your new biology tutor-- is sitting opposite of you and it’s quite difficult to read the text book once it’s upside down, but you don’t dare to mention it to him for a reason that’s unknown to you as well. It’s like you don’t want to overstep any invisible boundary on your first tutoring session, and telling the person that is teaching you to turn around the text book so you can actually see and learn something seems to be one of the taboos in your eyes. 

You take a quick glance at the waiter that just stopped next to your booth and smile, opening up your mouth to order yourself a meal. “Can I get you anything else?” she asks.

“No-” Felix offers her with a shy smile, but you cut him off with a voice a little higher in the octaves, not wanting your tutor coming in between you and reaching your biggest goal you’ve set for yourself.

“Actually, yes. Could I please get the chicken wings? With fries?” you ask, trying to look as innocent as you can, smiling at her in politeness. You ignore the confused look Lee Felix is offering you from the other side of the table. You mentally send him a signal to tell him to mind his own business, watching the waitress leave with a nod and a polite smile. 

“Okay, now we can start,” you nod at him and focus all your attention to the boy with sandy hair in front of you.

“O...kay?” he answers, obviously trying to bat away his rising confusion, because ordering yourself chicken wings on your tutoring session is prohibited now, apparently. “So,” he starts, sighing and scratching the back of his neck, “what do you not understand from this section?” 

You nervously chew on the bottom of your lip. Well, that’s a sweet question, you think. It would have been much sweeter and much easier to answer, though, if you understood at least a bit from the things you’re supposed to know. You went to university with the urge to prove something to yourself, but the only thing you’re proving to yourself right now is the fact that you are actually kind of useless, when it comes to biology.

“Just like the… whole thing, actually,” you nod, trying not to look as defeated as you feel and also trying not to burst out in a manic laugh as you always do when you feel slightly nervous about anything.

“Cool, cool, yeah,” he nods, taking a deep breath in, turning the textbook around and sighing, “I don’t think I can help you with that.”

“What do you mean you can’t?” you ask, confused. 

Lee Felix is the top of the grade. He is the best at biology, he is the best at chemistry, he is the best at his farmacy class. You’re sure he’ll be a fine biochemist in a few years, when his college times are over. Lee Felix is the smartest boy in your biology class and you are, coincidentally, quite the opposite on this spectrum. Which is exactly why your teacher managed to make Felix tutor you in his free time. You weren’t surprised at the fact that the blonde boy agreed to this-- he was quite the sweetheart, really. All the girls in your class fawned upon the way his freckles shined in the sunlight and the way he opened the doors for older professors. He was quite the boy you would want to introduce to your parents. Not quite the one every girl goes after, but the one that you would want to settle down with after your college years are over.

So why is he, the sweet, but also smart boy that agreed to tutor you, now telling you he can’t help you?

“It’s just.. I’m not really good at this section, I mean-”

“Felix, you’re the top of the class. Of course you’re good at this section.” you mumble, gazing deep into his eyes, trying to search for an answer.

“I-” he says and takes a sharp breath in, stopping himself in continuing his train of thought and just opting to shrug, not giving you a proper response either.

You feel like someone just punched you in the gut, and that’s when you realise-- here it is again. Another person that doesn’t believe in you-- another person that needs proving that you really can do it, you just need a little push. You can see it in his eyes that he doesn’t think you’re smart or bright enough to pass the exams, you’re not good enough to get good grades. It’s nothing new to you, but it still haunts you just the same.

“Is it because you know I can’t do it?” you bluntly ask, sighing. 

“No! No, no, I never said that-” he says, almost panicking with the way his hands fly into the air hurriedly, waving them around as if it was meant to calm you down. 

“You’re acting like it, though. I promise I’m not stupid- well, maybe I am, but-”

“You’re not stupid! It’s me! I’m the stupid one here.” he says, effectively silencing you with his words as you stare at him, dumbfounded. He’s joking, right?

“How can you be stupid when you get only the best grades? Felix, if you just don’t want to waste your time here, tell me, but don’t try to hide behind poor excuses.” you roll your eyes, feeling frustrated at the boy’s antics. Does he really think you’re that stupid that you can’t see right through his lies?

“I cheat.”

You blink a few times as if to reset your brain, gazing at him with pure confusion written in your orbs. He cheats? No. That’s a lie. A person as good at biology as Felix can’t cheat. All his exams are on 100% and he never makes any mistakes. He’s the epitome of the smart kid. The little Einstein. The prodigy. There’s no way it’s all cheating.

“No.” you shake your head in disapproval. “Don’t lie to me.”

“I’m not lying! Look, I genuinely, really want to help you. I really do. The thing is, though, I don’t know how to study. I make cheat sheets and I use them at every exam and every test, that’s why everyone thinks I’m super smart, but that is really not the case,” he shakes his head, staring into your eyes with his wide open in honesty, wanting you-- no,-- needing you to understand. “I would tutor you if I could, really, but I just don’t know how to,” he sighs finally, acting like he’s just given birth or ran a marathon, exhaustion written all over his face.

“So why did you offer to tutor me, then?” you ask.

He takes a moment for himself to collect his thoughts, before he speaks up again. “Well, I didn’t really want to get caught. You see, I would never turn my back to anyone. Really. So I thought I could at least try to learn something? So I could help you? But I failed, as always, so I’m just coming clean in front of you and you have to promise me you won’t tell anyone.”

The moment the last sentence leaves his mouth, you notice the apparent fear in his eyes, realising that he just shared an information with you that nobody really knows. It’s a secret he’s been hiding and keeping from everyone just to appear as the smartest one-- fooling everyone, including you. You feel even more stupid now, under his gaze. You feel played. You came to the tutoring, hoping to finally get a grip, when all you get is a person that is stepping all over the sandcastle of your fragile dreams, kicking every little piece of sand away with his lies. You know you shouldn’t feel so invested in this. You shouldn’t feel so hurt. But somehow, you still do. 

“So you just told me you are lying to everyone and cheating on tests and you want me to keep it a secret from everyone?” you ask in disbelief.

“Yes.” he nods, eyes hopeful. He’s been lying for the last year as if his life was depending on it and now he wants you to do the same-- keep quiet in front of everyone.

“And what do I do when the professor asks me why I’m not getting any better? Huh? Ever thought of that?” you leash out, harshly chewing on your bottom lip in nerves. “I want to pass. And I want to do it fair and square.” you get out in between your teeth.

“I didn’t… I didn’t think of that yet, but-”

“Leave.” you say, looking him sternly into his eyes.

“What do you mean, leave?”

“I don’t want to talk to you anymore. And you’re clearly not here to teach me anything, so you can just take your things and leave.” you spit out, crossing your hands over your chest.

“You leave, then,” he mutters, looking rather offended. You’re not sure why he’s the one hurt right now, but you guess that’s just how men and their egos are, there’s nothing more under his hurt eyes and shattered self-esteem.

“I ordered food, I’m not leaving.” you calmly respond. Once you say this, you’re reminded of the little quest you made for yourself. Never once did you feel silly for taking it so seriously in front of your other friends, but now, in front of Lee Felix with freckled dusted cheeks, you feel almost invisible as you realise why you even ordered the chicken wings and how you’re going to write a yelp review about them later.

Well, someone has to do it, and if not you, then who will, right? It’s the only valid way to find out who makes the best chicken wings in the town and not even your traitor-tutor is going to stop you now, when your list is only getting shorter and shorter. 

He stares at you for a few moments, dumbfounded, before he sighs and accepts his defeat. “Okay, I’ll just have to text my roommate to pick me up,” he admits.

You nod, just in time the server comes back with your food, offering her a welcoming smile. “Fine. But don’t even think of talking to me from now on. I’m not interested in more lies,” you spit at him, scowling as you take a look at the plate of chicken wings sitting in front of you in their full glory. You sense a very bad review, judging from the way the chicken wings look nothing like wings, rather full on small chickens dipped in oil, but dive in nonetheless. 

“Why do you have to be so dramatic?” he asks, voice coated in disbelief.

“Because I was scammed!” you yell out, mouth full of chicken, not caring a second about the way you might look in the boy’s eyes. Yes, you could have at least swallowed before speaking to him, but did you do it? No. No, you didn’t. 

“Oh come on-”

“Don’t even try arguing with me!” you spit at him-- quite glad that this time, it’s not literal-- and huff out in annoyance, when the door opens and a short boy with a bucket hat on steps into the bistro, the red fabric of the seats of the booths contrasting with his shoes in a way that makes you feel captivated, your eyes refusing to tear themselves away from him. 

The boy is taking quick steps to your booth and you almost choke on your chicken wings as you admire his full glory-- tanned skin and car keys in his hand, but his eyes meet the boy sitting opposite of you and that’s when everything clicks. This is not the boy of your dreams, this is Han Jisung. Your tutor’s best friend and roommate-- also known as the resident heartbreaker. You shouldn’t feel weak in your knees when you look at him, but that’s exactly what happens and you won’t feel ashamed about it. Well, not now, at least. In a few hours when you’re lying in your bed? Maybe. But I’ll tell you then.

“Yo, dude, I texted you like five minutes ago that I’m waiting for you outside, what are you still doing here?” he asks, furrowing his brows at his roommate and slowly moving his eyes to you, scanning you up and down, leaving your heart to do the stupid cartwheel you haven’t felt since, like, middle school. 

“We were in the middle of an argument, so I didn’t hear my phone ring.” Felix answers, glaring at you with spiteful eyes. You almost prepare to kill him with yours, but you focus on wiping the oil from the corner of your mouth and smiling heavenly, trying to look like a lady in front of your new visitor.

“Was Felix being absolutely unbearable again?” he asks you, surprising you with his subtle way of engaging you into the conversation.

You giggle, rolling your eyes slightly. “Yeah. You know him too well, don’t you?”

“Unfortunately,” he admits, looking defeated, when he moves his eyes to Felix, looking rather sulky on the red seat in front of you as you chat with his roommate, when Jisung’s tone of voice changes into a more worried one, speaking up again, “does she… did you…?”

“Yeah,” Felix just nods. 

Jisung sighs, sitting down next to his roommate, pushing him a little so he has more space in the booth. “What are you supposed to tutor her anyway?” he asks.

“Biology,” you mumble sooner than Felix gets the chance to speak up, motioning to the textbook still sitting at the table in front of you. 

The boy takes a look at the papers, his face changing from a focused one to a one more lighter, his eyes scanning the papers with ease. You notice his mouth moving a little as he reads the words under his breath, catching yourself from staring when you feel Felix’s eyes burning into the crown of your head, snapping you back to reality. 

“You know… maybe I could help you with that.” he says, looking like a business offering you a deal that you’re sure involves something illegal. He looks like a focused squirrel with his cheeks puffed out a little in what you sense is pride, something in his eyes glowing as you nervously chew on your bottom lip.

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course. I’m actually quite good at biology, to be honest. Well, not as much as Felix over here-” he jokes, scowling when the blonde boy punches his arm, “but I think I could tutor you a thing or two.”

“What’s the catch?” you ask, nervously watching him. Something in his composure is telling you he’ll want something in return, but you don’t know what yet. You’re quite sure you’ll sell your soul for the adorable boy in front of you if he asked you to, but it never hurts to ask beforehand, right? 

“What do you mean, what’s the catch?”

“Like… what do you want in return?” you muse out, taking a bite of a fry, noticing how soggy it feels under your teeth.

“Woah, you spend 15 minutes with Felix and you already think there’s something illegal behind everything? I’ll let you know, I’m better than that.” he scoffs. “I’m just doing it because I see how miserable you are. And I also don’t want you to tell on my buddie over here.” he adds, smiling warmly.

You take notice of the way Felix’s eyes grow twice their size and how Jisung’s knee lightly bumps into his under the table. It’s subtle, but you think that maybe this is when you fully fell for the short boy in front of you-- when he offered to save his best friend’s ass by helping out a lost girl with biology. And who are you to say no now? I mean, you need the tutoring nonetheless. Who cares if the boy tutoring you is someone else? Maybe it’s even more appealing to you this way, but you’ll never admit that out loud.

“Okay then, sure.” you nod, grinning from ear to ear, feeling satisfied.

“Great. Now, give me half the fries and we can arrange our next tutoring session,” he smiles, “oh, and I’m Han Jisung, by the way.”

He winks. 

You should be disturbed, but strangely, you’re not. You grin back at him, offering him the soggy fries you’re sure you’re going to give a really bad review in the evening, watching his composure change into a more laid-back one, engaging you in a conversation and slunging an arm around his best friend’s shoulders.

Lee Felix remains silent. He feels it once again-- he feels the loneliness of being left out. 

And he’s sure it won’t be the last time.

Lee Felix knows damn well how it feels to be the third wheel. He’s hung out with Jisung and his potential love interests multiple times, he’s even been on double dates with the said male, yet, he always somehow ends up being left out. So why does it still feel the same? Why does he still feel that restless feeling in his stomach, the emptiness in his chest, just like the first time? I guess you never get used to some things and emotions are one of them. No matter how much you argue that you know a feeling so well it doesn’t even surprise you anymore, it still hurts the same. That’s funny about emotions. Sometimes, they can’t even make you numb.

“Hurry up dude, the bistro closes in an hour and half!” Jisung rushes the taller male (not tall, just taller. Don’t misunderstand.) with his car keys in his hand, twirling them around his fingers in a nervous manner. Felix notices his roommate has put some effort into his outfit today, considering the lemon supreme shirt enveloping his body that he saves only for special occasions, yet, Felix doesn’t realise why he had to put it on when they’re literally just going out to eat some soggy fries in the bistro close to their house. He doesn’t ask, though. He doesn’t want the car key stuck in his forehead. He also doesn’t know why they have to rush so much, since they have an hour and half left before they close, but again, he doesn’t dare to say it out loud. 

Felix quickly puts his shoes on and rolls his eyes at his roommate. “I’m ready,” he announces.

Jisung swiftly takes a bottle of cologne from the table in their small hall (it’s so small they don’t even have a mirror in it, because there was no use in taking mirror selfies when all you can see on the picture is your phone case due to the fact that the room is too narrow for you to move further away) and sprays his body wit hit, efficiently confusing his roommate. “You wanna smell great for the waiter there? Because from what I remember, he was a stoner-”

“Oh, shut up. You never know when you’re gonna meet someone cute, am I right?” he asks, grinning from ear to ear like a cat, taking his backpack with him and opening the front door, “gotta look and smell presentable at all times.”

Felix wonders if this is why everyone always goes after his best friend. 

No, he thinks, it cannot be the cloud of cologne hanging around his body. It’s heavy and it makes Felix cough a little, but he tries to mask it, because he’s fairly sure Jisung won’t pay for his fries today if he doesn’t. And Felix is a simple man-- if he can get something for free, he will do anything to achieve it.

They arrive at the place in a few minutes and Felix can already feel his mouth watering at the thought of the salty fries and cheeseburger he’s going to get himself, joyfully skipping inside the bistro and waiting in the queue. Jisung follows him, standing next to him, efficiently covering the smell of the oil and all the good things on this earth-- read as fast food-- making Felix scowl. The boy behind the register, is, in fact, Na Jaemin-- the resident frat boy. Felix’s heard all about him from the girls staying at the dorms and to be honest, he’s quite glad he doesn’t have to live the stories of getting caught with weed at Jaemin's party on his own. That, and the fact that hot water runs in his apartment. Na Jemin might have the weed, but he surely doesn’t have that in his college dorm room. 

“Three milkshakes, two large fries, chicken wings and a cheeseburger, please.” Jisung orders, confusing Felix in one sentence. Since when is his best friend a bottomless pot for food? Is he really going to eat all of that?

“Coming right at you. Anything else?” Jaemin asks, voice considerate and polite, still turned on his customer service mode, even though Felix is sure him and Jisung have had shared a joint or two on one of his parties before.

“No, that’s all. Thanks, man,” Jisung answers, leaving with Felix right behind him. 

“Who’s gonna eat all of that? I hope you know you’re paying, and before you protest, yes, I did purposefully leave my wallet at home-” he rambles, still moving, when his train of thought is cut off by a person in his view.

You are sitting there in your full glory, smiling brightly at the boys approaching you. You’re dressed nicely, he notices-- you look like you put some effort into what you’re wearing. You don’t look that much different, but he can still see the slight changes you made to look neat. You’re glowing, Felix notices. You look excited.

“Hi, Y/N,” Jisung greets, taking a seat opposite of you. He doesn’t even give Felix an answer, he doesn’t even give him an explanation. He’s left there only to take a seat next to his roommate after collecting his thoughts, chewing on his bottom lip.

The conversation never moves his way. He is silenced. Felix wonders why he was even invited, watching the people behind the window laughing with their friends, happy to order some tasty food and have fun on this Thursday evening. He watches his friend and his classmate have fun-- well, as much fun as a tutoring session could be. You’re laughing at every single one of Jisung’s jokes and he swears Jisung’s eyes never leave your face, even when he’s explaining something to you. He wonders why Jisung didn’t tell him where they’re going. He wonders why he even had to come.

Lee Felix knows how third-wheeling feels. Yet, it still makes his little foolish heart hurt just the same every time.

You nervously chew on your bottom lip, cracking your knuckles in a habit your friends always scream at you for, waiting for your tutor-- well, he’s not really your tutor anymore-- to appear in the bistro on the other side of the town. You admire the decorations for a while, liking the way it looks modern here and the purple led lights make the whole place look aesthetic. You can already imagine multiple college kids going here and taking instagram pictures to look cool. It’s nice and you’ll definitely include it in your yelp review-- it won’t make it more stars, though, if the chicken wings don’t taste like heaven.

You tug on the sleeves on your hoodie, as if you were trying to make yourself disappear. I mean, you do feel embarrassing. You feel pathetic that it had to come down to this, but you guess desperate times call for desperate solutions. You’re not here to look put-together anymore. You’re going to show him your full glory and although you regret it a little, you still have a little spark of hope in you that Han Jisung-- the boy you, admittedly, were crashing on real hard right now, won’t find out.

Felix comes into the bistro in his full VSCO boy glory, as always. He is wearing a jean jacket and his freckled cheeks are dusted pink, you’d almost think he’s blushing all the time. He doesn’t quite fit the aesthetics of this futuristic looking bistro, you notice. The retro places you’ve been to so far fit him much more-- his sandy hair contrasted well with the yellow walls and red booths. It was starting to get a little repetitive, though, you must admit.

“Hi,” he greets you as he takes his seat, smiling at you with what you can only describe as a feeling of full uncomfort. You wonder what made him feel this way about you, but you don’t dare to think of it twice as you focus on the main quest of the day-- forcing him to teach you his ways.

“Hello,” you smile. 

Felix notices how natural you look-- it feels like now is the first time he’s seeing you in your full glory. You aren’t wearing your neat clothes for a meeting with Jisung and you’re not too casual like you were at your first ‘tutoring session’ either-- you’re just you. The way he doesn’t even see you in classes. He likes the fact that no one else than him can see you like this-- he likes the fact that Jisung is nowhere around, yet, he wonders why is that, exactly, since the two of you seemed to be hitting it off quite well so far.

Felix hasn’t been with Jisung when he last tutored you. He figured there’s no use, he’s going to get ignored all the time anyway. 

“So… what’s the matter?” he asks, folding his hands into his lap. He dares to take a quick look at you, noticing your worn-out shirt and dark circles under your eyes, worry washing over him. Did something happen? Was Jisung a jerk to you? 

“Well, I sort-of have a little problem,” you mumble out, tearing your gaze away from him. You seem shy for the first time in front of him and he wonders why. He doesn’t understand your sudden change of behaviour. This isn’t the you he’s used to. “Well, turns out, I am really stupid.” you propose, leaving Felix to gaze at you in surprise.

He chuckles. You swiftly look up at him with piercing eyes telling him to stop, and he almost does, but your face looks too adorable when it’s scrunched up like that, so he only giggles once more. “You’re not stupid.”

“I am!” you whine out, finally letting your whole shy facade fall, exposing the true you once again right in front of Felix’s eyes-- direct and fierceful. “Even Jisung’s tutoring isn’t helping and I feel so stupid with him! And I don’t want him to think that I’m stupid, even though I am, and I just… I can’t pass my exams like this, so I need your help.” you say, eyes big, looking almost pleading.

“And I am supposed to help… how? Exactly?” The confusion is written all over his face, and it almost makes you frustrated. You knew he must be smart, if his cheating has been so good he’s getting through college with straight As, but really, is he really that smart if he can’t read in between the lines?

“Help me cheat.” you quickly get out, biting down on your lower lip just as you say it, as if you were regretting it.

The silence that overtakes the two of you feels like it’s slowly going to eat you up alive, angrily biting into your skin. It feels heavy and suffocating, your palms sweating as you watch Felix blink at you with mouth agape, breathing in and out. You pray for him to make up his mind soon, or else you’re going to run out of the bistro without a yelp review, tearing the skin of your cuticles as you see him blink quickly a few times before shaking his head in disbelief, clearing his storage.

“You want me to help you cheat?” he asks for clarification, furrowing his brows at you.

“That’s correct.” you nod, chewing on the inside of your cheek. You haven’t been this nervous since you took your college entrance exams, and that shows a lot, considering you used to say that has been the most difficult experience of your life so far.

“Because Jisung…. isn’t tutoring you well enough?” he asks again, making you roll your eyes in annoyance.

“Hey, don’t put the blame on Jisung! I’m just stupid, that’s all.” you say, looking down into your lap, because his gaze suddenly feels like he’s judging you and you really don’t feel like maintaining eye contact with him when you’re under pressure.

“If you don’t stop saying that, I will kick you.”

“You wouldn’t dare-”

“I would and I will-”

“Okay, but is that a yes, then?” you look up at him with hopeful eyes, resembling a puppy just a little too much, and, well, Felix can’t just reject you now, can he?

“I.. guess…?” he says, watching your face light up in joy as you clap a few times in excitement. 

“Great! Can we start today? We have to start today! I brought my text books and papers and sharpies and-” you are cut off by Felix’s face lighting up at the sight of you, his eyes looking warm and admiring. You quickly shake away the excitement before it goes too far and you actually go to hug him or something, taking a deep breath in and out to calm yourself down.

Just in that moment, the server appears with two servings of chicken wings and two large fries, making Felix look at you in confusion. 

“I ordered you food, since I thought we’ll stick around for a while..” you mumble, seeing him eagerly nod and take one fry into his hand, biting down on it with a face full of pleasure. 

“Perfect. Just let me eat a few of these and we can get right into work, I promise,” he mutters with a mouth full of food, prompting you to take a bite yourself. It doesn’t taste the worst-- the bistro you went to after prom last year was definitely worse than this, but still, you don’t think Felix’s face quite resembles how the food tastes. He looks as if the Queen of England made it. In reality, it’s just a soggy fry. 

“Why do you always order the same thing? Aren’t you tired of eating the same thing over and over again?” he asks suddenly, examining your face with real interest. No one’s ever noticed your eating habits before, just shrugging off what you order every single time. Your little fast food experiment has been a secret so far, even though it wasn’t that hard to cover it up-- nobody really cared until now. 

You feel blush creeping on your cheeks as you shrug, feeling a little embarrassed for like the hundredth time today, when you reply to the boy in front of you. You know his secret, so it only feels valid for him to know yours. “I have this experiment… like, I try chicken wings and fries at every single bistro, restaurant and fast food chain in the town to find out which one’s the best…” you mumble, looking into your plate instead of facing him out of the ugly feeling of patheticness creeping up your back.

“Oh, that’s cool!” he exclaims, pointing his fry your direction, a response you didn’t quite expect, “Where do they have the best ones so far?” he asks, genuine interest painting his features.

“Oh,” you get out, feeling your lips unvoliteraly tug into a smile, “I don’t.. I still have a few bistros and the McDonald’s on the highway out of the city left, but I’d say the best ones so far were at Wendy’s. I didn’t quite like the chicken wings there, though, so…”

“Hmm,” he nods, deep in thought, “we just get food at where’s the closest.” he says, munching on a chicken wing. “I guess we could pay a little more attention to the food from now on, because after eating this, I’m never going to eat the food from the bistro right in front of our flat again.”

“Yeah, that bistro’s really awful. I only gave it around 2.5 stars, I think-” you say, before you realise you just spilled out another secret to him, feeling your cheeks heating up. 

“2.5 stars? What, do you write yelp reviews or something?” he asks, clearly amused by your accidental spill-out.

“And what if I do?” you defend yourself, glaring at him with fake annoyance. No man will ever make fun of you because you write yelp reviews. Not Lee Felix, even though he seems too nice to actually make fun of you because of something, not anyone. 

“That’s cool, though! Those help so much when you travel,” he says, eagerly nodding at you with big eyes and an adorable grin plastered on his face, making you feel understood and happy with just the sudden sign of acceptance. Turns out your little weird obsession isn’t as embarrassing as you thought it was. Or Lee Felix really is the sweetest guy walking on this earth. Either one is fine in your books.

You stay there for a few hours and Felix teaches you the basic cheat codes-- never meet the teacher’s eye, never finish your tests too quickly, always forcefully pick the wrong option before scribbling it out and putting in a correct one to not seem too suspicious. He even takes a piece of paper from you and scribbles down the basic cheat-sheet making structure. 

He feels good with you. He feels useful. He knows he shouldn’t be teaching you this, but really, is it really doing any harm? We all have to go through college somehow.

Yet, all evenings always end the same for Felix, with a bad feeling in his gut and a fake smile on his face hiding the true meaning behind his actions. He’ll never be the first choice and you remind him even today, after you leave the ‘tutoring session’ with a quick hug to the male, lowering your voice so only he can hear when you pay him your goodbyes.

“Don’t tell Jisung, okay?”

Of course. It’s all because you don’t want to look embarrassing in front of his best friend.

It goes all how you planned it to-- you’re sitting at your next tutoring session with two males in front of you. One of them is your supposed tutor and one of them is a boy that’s helping you pass your exams for real. You’re into one of them, even though you shouldn’t. You wonder how you even ended up in this mess. You swear you were a good student in high school, always submitting your assignments on time and making sure your tests were on 100%. It was kind of fueling your ego, in a way. You had no other plans in your life to hold on to, no dreams to dream, so you reasoned to do the only thing that you were good at-- getting good grades. You had to prove to yourself that there was a reason, a meaning behind your life. You had to prove to yourself that your existence was valid.

You watch Jisung with interest. You pray to god that he doesn’t catch you in your act, because that would surely be embarrassing. You don’t want him to find out that you’re just fine with cheating, because that meant your tutoring sessions with the male would end and there was no other reason for you to see him. You knew Han Jisung wasn’t interested in you. You were sure you’d see it on him if he was. And even then, you weren’t interested in only a short relationship without any good point. You liked Jisung, but you didn’t like his reputation. One week wasn’t long enough for you to waste your time on him and get your heart broken. You weren’t sure if he was a player, or if he just wanted to desperately find the one by trying all the possibilities, but you weren’t going to find out. 

Felix watches you with interest in his eyes-- but you don’t notice. He prays that Jisung doesn’t find out about your secret little ‘tutoring sessions’, because that would mean he wouldn’t have a reason to hang out with you anymore. And Felix really doesn’t want that to happen. For some reason, he doesn’t want you to ever frown. And he’s sure that’s exactly what would happen if Jisung cancelled.

It doesn’t click to him what’s happening inside of his little, foolish heart when he sees you smile at Jisung and his stomach fills with worry. 

It doesn’t click to him what’s happening with him when every time Jisung subtly takes your hand in his makes his insides twitch in frustration. He thinks it’s just because of the fact that he’s third-wheeling again, like all his life, and maybe that is partly true, but it’s not the whole reason behind the cloud around his head.

It clicks only when him and his roommate are back home, sitting at the dinner table with the left-overs from the new bistro you three went to, munching on the chicken wings and another pack of soggy french fries and the cola they had in their fridge.

“So… what do you think about Y/N?” Jisung asks suddenly, making Felix furrow his brows in confusion.

“What should I think? She’s smart, I guess…” he mumbles, mouth full of food, not quite grasping the full meaning of his roommate’s question. 

“Yeah, yeah,” Jisung quickly nods in approval, “she’s getting really good. I mean, you can still see she’s having some troubles when I’m tutoring her, but at least she always gets good grades on tests now,” he says, biting down on another piece of chicken wing. Felix feels a wave of pride wash over him after hearing the words-- of course you’re doing well on exams. It’s all Felix’s doing. You’re a quick learner, when it comes to cheating. 

“Yeah, she’s good,” he says. 

“Well,” Jisung suddenly starts, meaning to sound nonchalantly, but only sounding like he’s determining his biggest life secret in front of his friend instead, “I like her.”

Felix almost chokes on the piece of chicken in his mouth, trying to play it off with a small chuckle. “Oh? You do?”

“Yeah. Should I.. Should I ask her on a date or something?” he asks and Felix swears he can see his friend’s cheeks reddening a little, even though the last time he’s seen Jisung embarrassed was when he accidentally called their Math’s teacher mum in eleventh grade. 

“You don’t date, though,” Felix opposes.

“That’s not true-”

“Two weeks long relationships aren’t relationships, Jisung.” 

“Not my fault they’re never the one! It gets boring after a while, Felix, I can’t just-”

“Why are you even asking me this?” Felix suddenly cuts him off, glaring at him. He doesn’t know why he’s reacting in such a way. It’s not like it’s the first time Jisung is going to date someone for two weeks just to break their heart, it’s not the first time they’re going to run after Felix a week after just so they can still be around the one that broke their heart. This time, though, he does not want to see another heart get broken.

“Jesus, chill, man… I was just asking, since you two seem closer. Did she mention anything about me? Is she dating anyone?” Jisung asks, eyes lighting up.

Felix could be an asshole. He could tell Jisung that you’re already dating someone, he could tell him to back off and that you’re not interested. However, he does not do that. Instead, he does the quite opposite. He pushes his best friend into asking you out, he tells him he should try it, because that’s just the kind of person he is. Besides, he knows you’re into him. Maybe the smile on your face could make him forget about the fact that you’re going to get your heart broken. 

“Sure, go for it.” he shrugs, “I don’t really care anyway.”

“Fine, then-”

“I’m gonna shower.” Felix says, quickly standing up from his chair and moving to the bathroom, quickly escaping the conversation.

Only then he realises what he feeling in his gut means, only then he notices the way his sigh feels like the weight of the world is sitting on his shoulders and he can’t breathe any time you’re around Han Jisung. 

He realises he likes you. 

And clearly, you don’t like him back.

Emotions are something you never quite get used to. Even the emotion of feeling rejection, the emotion of always being behind his best friend’s shadow. Lee Felix is always just the friend. Never the love interest. This time, though, it feels even more heavy, because in a way, you seem way more special in his eyes than the people that went after him just to get with his best friend.

This time, he does not want to see another heart get broken. Because it’s your heart we’re talking about.

And to prevent his heart shattering to even more pieces, he has to do something.

He has to stop liking you.

As soon as possible.

“Y/N?” 

“Mhhm?” you ask, raising your eyes up from the cheat sheet you’re creating with Felix’s help, the grease of the fries you’re eating glistening on your chin. You’re with him in a yet another crappy bistro, trying yet another soggy fries, and even though there’s nothing special on you to a stranger’s eye, Felix’s heart can’t help but run twice the speed of light. 

“How do you stop liking someone?” he mumbles, furrowing his brows a little, deep in thought. 

“Oh, do you like someone?” you ask, and Felix momentarily lights up at the thought of you caring if he’s interested in someone, but when his eyes meet yours and he notices them glistening and lightening up in curiosity, he realises it’s just because you’re happy for him. As a good friend should be. 

“No, no,” he quickly shakes his head in disapproval, snickering to himself, “I’m just asking. Because, think, what if, hypothetically, there’s someone who is into someone else. Easy, right? But what if their best friend likes the same person? And you know you shouldn’t like them because they’re into their friend as well? What is there to do at that point?” 

You scan his face for a few seconds, thinking to yourself. “Hmm,” you start, “I guess you have to start hating them. So the feelings disappear.” you nod, satisfied with your answer.

“How’s that possible?” he asks, scoffing.

“Well, I don’t know, since it’s all hypothetical anyway,” you giggle, focusing back on your cheat sheet. Your notes are getting smaller and smaller and Felix notices the improvement in your small lettering, making your cheat sheet less noticeable. You’re learning quickly.

“Oh come on,” he whines, kicking your leg under the table, “talk to me. How can a person start hating someone? Give me a tutorial.” 

“Well, since you really need to know,” you roll your eyes, putting away the pen from your hand and resting your back against the seat of the booth, “there are a few steps you can take.”

“For example?”

“Well, you have to stop hanging out with them, first thing’s first.” you start. “Because if you don’t hang out with them, you will eventually hate the fact that they’re not near, which will, logically, make you hate them instead.”

“Is that really logical, though?” Felix asks, furrowing his brows at you. In his books, this made no sense at all, but you seemed pretty satisfied with your answer.

“Of course it is! Then, you have to find something about them that you can hate. Anything. Find even the smallest thing, and blow it up in your mind until you hate it. Easy, right?” 

“...I don’t think that’s helping at all,” he says, tone of voice unsure. 

“Of course it is! You’re just refusing that it can be true, because you think I’m stupid.” you stick out his tongue at him, focusing on your work instead.

He kicks you under the table, making you scowl. “Ow! What was that for?”

“I told you that if you’ll make that comment again, I will kick you. So I just did right that.” he says. “Besides, your ideas are stupid. Not you. There’s a difference in that.” he smartly points out, making you roll your eyes at him.

“So, who is it that you like?”

“No one. I told you, it’s hypothetical.” he glares at you.

“Right,” you nod, sighing, “well, I’ll just stick to that, since that means Jisung doesn’t like anyone and I still have a chance.” you smile at him, obviously missing out on the way your words just punched him into the gut. Felix laughs it out, kicking you in the shin instead.

“Right. Of course you do,” he nods. He wishes he didn’t mean that.

You two remain in silence for a moment, while you get back to your work and Felix pretends he’s playing a game on his phone. You don’t notice the way his eyes scan you over, admiring you, once in a while. No one ever does. He guesses this is the perk of always being just the friend. The one people are friends with just because they want something from him. The one that gets taken advantage of. He chooses not to think about it more. Maybe if he did, he could hate you over it, if he wasn’t so used to that feeling anyway. 

“We should hang out on the weekend,” you say, taking him by surprise.

“Oh?” he mumbles out, “with Jisung?”

“No?” you furrow your brows, “look, I know I look like I’m obsessed with him, but I actually just want to hang out with you alone as friends once in a while, you know.”

“We’re hanging out now, though.”

“It’s midnight, Felix,” you point out, “and we’re working. I want to hang out with my friend, like a normal person, you know.” you shrug.

“Yeah…” he says, when your words resonate in his mind like a broken curse. ‘Don’t hang out with them.’ Don’t hang out with her. You have to hate her. He has to start hating you-- there’s no other way. And so, he turns to taking your words into consideration. He can’t meet with you if he’s not ‘tutoring’ you. There’s no way. “We’ll see. I’ll tell you if I’m free.” he smiles warmly instead, because truth be told, he’ll never tell you no to your eyes. He’s always been a bit of a coward. And he also doesn’t want you to frown. Ever.

“Great!” you smile. 

And when Felix comes home that night, at 2am in the morning when his roommate is already asleep-- not knowing of your secret meetings, he lays down in his bed and repeats your advice like a broken mantra. He can’t like you. He has to hate you.

Lee Felix’s guide to hating you: 1. Don’t hang out with her. Only meet her when it’s necessary. If you don’t meet her, you’ll start hating her absence, resulting in hating her altogether. 2. Find a small thing about her to blow up so much you start to hate it. 

That’s not difficult. He hates that you like Han Jisung. It’s a small mistake, a small flaw, but he’s ready to blow it up so much he hates you for it. He hates that he’s not the first choice. He hates that you don’t like him.

Maybe he would hate you more if you were dating his best friend for real.

Lee Felix’s guide to hating you: 1. Don’t hang out with her. 2. Find a thing to hate about her. SUCCESS! 3. Set her up with Han Jisung.

Now, this plan is bulletproof, isn’t it?

Felix unexpectedly breaks the first step of his guide only a few days later-- on a chilly friday afternoon, when his body is hurriedly skipping to the edge of the town centre only to meet with you. Just for the record, though, Felix didn’t intend to break the promise he gave to himself. He really wasn’t going to hang out with you if he didn’t specifically need to, but, well… you called Jisung to hang out. Felix’s heart almost skipped a few beats when he was added to a three-person big group chat with you and his roommate and at that point, he wasn’t going to reject an invitation to the fare in town, because he was fairly sure Jisung didn’t like rollercoasters and he wanted to see you laugh your ass off at him in front of everyone. Is it a little spiteful? Possibly. Does he care? Not that much.

Besides, it’s only one time. It will never happen again!!

He finds you with your black leather jacket on, stepping from one leg to the other, looking around like a lost puppy. Felix mentally curses at himself for not coming sooner so you wouldn’t feel so alone and awkward in the mass of people, when he realises he’s already 15 minutes late because of his afternoon class and his roommate is nowhere to be found.

“Thank god! I thought you were going to bail on me as well,” you call out when Felix is close enough, smiling at him.

“Where’s Jisung?”

“He texted me like 5 minutes ago that he can’t make it today. Something about his mum being in town? I’m not sure,” you furrow your brows, “at least you’re here now, though.”

Felix is met with the realisation that he’s left alone with you again, mentally cursing at himself. This surely does not look like a plan to hating you. It looks like a bullet-proof plan on how to fall even deeper for you, with how your stray hairs are flying around your head and you adorably scrunch up your nose and sniffle from the cold. 

“Should we go?” he forces out of himself, looking at you hopefully.

“Yeah!” you nod, striding a few steps in front of him like a happy school girl excited to go to school for the first time. Felix can’t surpass the gentle smile forming on his lips, shaking his head in disbelief. You look so cheerful and so joyful, making his heart swell with how easily you manage to make him feel so young again. 

He follows you gladly, managing to match his speed with yours, almost forgetting for a moment that he’s not on a date with you, almost forgetting about the fact that you like his best friend and the smile you’re giving him is nothing against the wide grin you offer to his roommate.

“Let’s go on that one!” you cheer, taking Felix by the hand and tugging him your way, not once giving him the opportunity of letting go as you drag him all around the fare. You remind him of his younger sister with how excited you get about the smallest things and he realises he wants to protect your heart from the world just as much as he wants to protect his little sister’s. It’s not the same feeling, though. The affection he feels for you is different. 

Felix doesn’t find it in him to tell you no whenever you tug him on another ride, even when his legs are tired and his jaw hurts from smiling. He finds himself wanting to capture your image into his brain forever, imprint the happy memory in there so he can find it and look at it whenever his heart feels lonely. For the first time in ages, he forgets about everything. He forgets that he’s just the friend, the other choice. He completely forgets that Han Jisung was supposed to be there, at his place, sitting next to you on the ferris wheel as you watch the night city under you with cold cheeks and frozen bodies.

“You must be sad that Jisung isn’t here with you right now. That would surely feel much more romantic than sitting here with me,” Felix says bitterly once the reality hits him for a second, once his heart is unsheltered for a short moment and your eyes meet.

“Oh, don’t be ridiculous,” you roll your eyes, “Jisung can’t be romantic. Besides, if I really wanted a date with him so badly, I wouldn’t have asked you to come with us, would I?” you smile at him, swinging your legs forward and backward, focusing your eyes somewhere into the distance again.

“Well, if you really want to go on a date with him, you can just ask him, you know?” he mumbles, playing with the dead skin on his thumb.

“So he can stand me up and go on a date with his mum again? I don’t know, Felix, is that really worth it?” you giggle, not noticing the way you’re messing with the boy’s head, not noticing the way a small spark of hope lights up somewhere in the deep pits of his stomach when you mention not wanting to ask his best friend out. 

“I don’t know, is it?”

“I’ll have to think about it.” you muse out, and the spark is gone. Of course it’s not that simple. 

Felix just nods and grins at you. The chilly air helps him hide his red cheeks when he thinks of how embarrassing his thoughts must have been in the past quick seconds. He focuses on your face, on the way your eyes crinkle up a little when you stare somewhere far into the distance and your hair flies a little with the breeze. The ferris wheel just reached the top, so he has plenty of time to keep admiring you from so close, but somehow, the moment still feels so short and he wishes he could stop the time. He wishes he could stop the time so he didn’t have to face the reality when he comes down from the ferris wheel. He wishes he didn’t have to see you fall in love with his friend, he wishes he didn’t have to act like he doesn’t care at all. 

“Thanks for helping me, by the way. I wouldn’t have passed my exams if it wasn’t for you and that… that would be really hard on me.” you get out, locking your eyes with his sincerely. He sees your eyes shining even so high above the ground, convincing him the sparkles really must be the stars, when he takes a deep breath in and responds.

“It’s no problem, I get it… I mean, it’s what you gotta do. What we gotta do, when we want to pass. And graduate,” he chuckles. 

Does he really want the degree, though? Or does he just need it to feel like he has some worth? Does he want to graduate or does he just want his parents to value him as an adult, does he really want to continue working so hard on passing or would he just be so much happier if he just dropped out. And saved himself so much stress. He should have known he was never smart enough for college.

“Yeah. I despise the smart kids in our class. I wish I were them,” you scoff, “I despise Jisung, in a way, too,” you add after a dramatic pause.

“Jisung?” Felix furrows his brows.

“Yeah,” you nod, like it’s the clearest thing in the world, “I mean, he’s smart enough to pass. He’s… he’s got his life figured out, in a way. He’s just fine. Getting all the girls and the guys, getting good grades, going on dinner dates with his mum on Fridays,” you giggle, “I mean, I want that. That sounds nice.”

Felix huffs, staring into the distance, “I guess you’re right.” He knows damn well how jealousy feels. 

“I came to college to prove to myself that my life has some worth, but I guess the only thing I prove to myself is that I can’t even pass my exams without help.” you sigh, sounding defeated.

“Hey,” he nudges you a little with his foot, “don’t say that. Life isn’t about grades, degrees and that shit. Of course you have worth and value.” 

He sees you smile in defeat, leaning your head on his shoulder. The feeling of acceptance, pure understanding washes over the two of you, when you gently speak up again. “Try to explain that to my brain.” 

He lightly giggles. “I’m trying, as you can see.”

You look up at him from his shoulder, scrunching up your nose and leaning closer to him, whispering. “It’s not working.” you laugh.

“I know it’s not easy,” he shakes his head, “I’ve been trying to tell that to my family for the past 21 years.” he slips out. Something about you makes him spill out even things he’s never told anyone before, but he finds himself not caring as you approach his eyes with pure serenity mixed with melancholy.

“Is it all because of your parents?” you ask, “the cheating, I mean.”

Felix feels his eyes giving him out, so he chooses not to look at you anymore. “I mean, I would have dropped out long ago if I didn’t have to feel so worthless around my family then. Every single one of my cousins is smart, has a degree and earns a killing. I’m just me-- living from the money I earned over summer, trying not to lose my mind with biology.”

He hears you humming next to him, your head moving as you nod in understatement. The ferris wheel is slowly reaching the bottom again and Felix finds the fact quite relieving. He doesn’t mind having deep talks with you, he just fears he might spill out something both of you don’t want to hear.

“I’m glad you came with me today, Lix.” you smile at him once the two of you reach the bottom, “wanna hear a secret?”

“Spill it out,” he dares you, grinning.

“I only invited Jisung because I thought you didn’t want to hang out with me alone.” you confess, quickly turning around in your spot as you jog a few steps in front of him, carelessly, as if you just didn’t make Felix’s heart stop and insides twitch in excitement. He prays and hopes it’s not just you giving him false hope, he wishes it’s not his mind playing tricks on him. 

“I-” 

“And now that I know you don’t mind being around me, do you wanna go to the dog cafe with me next Wednesday? You know, the one I talked about.” you turn around, flashing him a smile worth a billion dollars, taking him by surprise as his breathing hitches and he doesn’t find it in him to reject you ever again.

“Sure.”

Second step of Lee Felix’s guide to helping you: find a small thing about you he doesn’t like to blow up so much he starts hating you altogether. 

He was so sure that he found the small thing just a few days ago. He thought that the fact that you like his best friend could be enough for him to start hating you. He could sit on that thought for long enough to pick it up to the smallest pieces and over-analyse it to the point he could start hating you. 

And he tries to do just that-- he lies awake at night thinking of how every single person he’s ever been interested in slipped right between his fingers just because of Jisung’s existence. He wonders why he’s never good enough to anyone, why he always has to be the second choice even for tutoring (even though it’s not even tutoring, but we won’t talk about that anymore). He thinks of how you’re so foolish to think your relationship with Jisung is going to last, because Jisung’s feelings never stay the same for long. He over-analyses the smallest things he notices on you when you’re in Jisung’s presence until the point he’s almost sure he can do it, he can hate you for it just a little, in a way, but then, the thought flies right out of the open window as his roommate crashes into his door in the middle of the night.

He startles awake, sitting up at his bed, watching the short male going in with much difficulty, sitting on his bed without a word.

“Jisung?”

“Lixie, I fucked it all up, didn’t I?” Jisung whines, laying down on the bed next to his friend. Felix doesn’t think it’s only due to the late hours of the night that his friend’s words aren’t making any sense, but he doesn’t dare to put his finger on it until he makes sure for himself.

“What are you talking about?”

“Y/N.”

Your name coming out of his lips hits Felix like a baseball bat, hurting in all the right places, as the young male finds it in him to continue the conversation.

“What about her?”

“She asked us to hang out together. And I didn’t go. I know it wasn’t my fault, because my mum was in the town, but still, I feel so bad, because now it must look like I’m not interested in her and that I don’t care and I really don’t want that, you know?” he stummers, making Felix realise his friend talks a lot when he’s under the influence of alcohol just the same second Jisung’s breath catches in Felix’s nose, only proving his point. 

“You didn’t fuck it up, don’t worry.” he muses. And it’s true. Jisung could never truly fuck it up with anyone. Even his exes always crumble up around his feet, wanting attention even after getting their heart broken. Will it be the same with you?

“She must think I don’t like her. And that’s horrible-that’s- that’s- I like her. Very much,” he whines again, getting closer to Felix and wrapping his arms around the blonde’s torso in a wave of affection that only washes over him when he’s drunk.

“Sung-” he stutters, desperately trying to push him away, but even though Jisung doesn’t look like it, he is a strong individual when it comes to involuntary cuddling. Felix can never escape his arms.

“I think she’s special, you know? She’s like- I can’t explain it. It’s like with her, I actually want to try. I want to ask her on dates and love her and give her my heart, because you know, I never dared to give my heart to anyone. And no one’s ever made me feel truly special before…” he mutters, forcing his nose to Felix’s neck, “I’m rambling too much, aren’t I?”

“Yeah,” Felix sighs, nodding. He doesn’t battle his arms anymore. Jisung is his friend, at the end of the day. He can hold him when he needs it.

“Sorry.” he says shortly, sighing as well. The room falls into silence and Felix’s head spins again, his thoughts spiral like a tornado and the eye of the storm is you-- standing there with that stupid smile on your face and he once again realises that he needs to hate you in order to shelter his own heart, because you’re like a hurricane when it comes a to a person’s emotions.

The fact is, though, he could never hate you for liking his best friend. 

Han Jisung is too likable for his own good. His heart is too big for this world, and truth be told, he’s been sharing it with everyone for such a long time now, he deserves to find someone he’s willing to give his all to. 

He could never hate you for liking Jisung-- the boy who smiles at everyone in the halls, the boy that offered him to live in the flat his parent’s bought for him in freshman year, the boy that helps him hide his cheating secret every day. He could never hate you for liking Jisung, because he himself knows too well how much of a treasure his dear friend is. 

He gets it. He gets why people always choose Jisung over him. He could never blame you.

“Sung?”

“Hmm?”

“Ask Y/N out to the dog cafe on Wednesday. She'll love it.”

Felix could never hate you.

Step three of Felix’s bullet-proof guide to hating you is quite simple and actually the only one he completes with success. Setting you up with Jisung on a date is easier than he ever imagined, considering the fact that his roommate decided to finally take things into his own hands and call you on a date after the drunken weeping episode in Felix’s bed. 

Jisung invites you on a date to the dog café in town. The two of you go on Wednesday and although Felix feels like he just gave his roommate a piece of him, an invitation that was never meant for him in the first place, he feels at ease, because at least one part of his plan is working. He could never hate you, but at least now, it will be easier for him to ignore his growing feelings for you when you spend all your time with Jisung on dates and ice cream runs. He only has to ignore his feelings in school and at your ‘tutoring’ sessions. He wonders how long these will be a secret in front of your new boyfriend. Jisung’s not your boyfriend yet, but Felix can only imagine how short the time he isn’t is going to last. 

Felix does the stupid mistake of opening the instagram app in the evening, when he’s curled up in his bed with an embarrassingly big bowl of popcorn on his bed side table, serving him as his depression food. He sees your post show up, an adorable picture of you from the dog café, a big golden retriever in your lap as you giggle at its face. The picture is candid and looks like the kind Felix would like to keep as his lock screen if he had the chance. He’s sure his best friend took it for you not only from the fact that you went out with him tonight, but also for the fact that he’s tagged in the post’s description with a big blue heart emoji. 

He could stop staring at the picture if he really wanted, he could mute your posts and pretend you never existed to shelter his poor heart. He could do everything in his strength to cut all his ties with you. That would make it so much easier for him, wouldn’t it?

But he doesn't. And maybe he doesn’t even want to-- he’s used to the pain anyway, isn’t he? The bitterness, the feeling of being pushed away, ignored and left forgotten. 

He was supposed to be in Jisung’s place now, but that doesn’t change the simple fact that he isn’t-- maybe it was never his place to claim anyway. 

Felix stares at the picture for minutes, wondering of how things could be if you only didn’t fall for his best friend. Or if he came with you today. Who knows, maybe it wasn’t too late for him to ask you on a date. Maybe he could still change your mind. Felix likes to give up on things too quickly, though, and that is the curse that will follow him his whole life. 

Lee Felix is good at cheating. He is insanely good at it, he would also say it’s the only thing he’s ever been good at. Pretending.

It’s his time to shine again. It’s time to pretend he doesn’t like you, pretend you don’t hurt him, pretend he isn’t in love with his best friend’s crush. He’s been always the best at cheating and now it’s time to cheat his way out of liking you. 

Sounds easy, doesn’t it?

“You must be really hungry, if you’re planning to eat all of that in one setting,” Felix mumbles, watching you as you eat yet another plate of chicken wings in yet another pointless bistro in town. Felix wonders how you even know about all of these, since the one you’re both sitting in right now, in the middle of the night, looks rather lonely. It doesn’t even seem that welcoming-- it has graffiti on the walls and the seats are a little torn on the edges, but you don’t seem to care as you munch on the chicken, eyes big when you stare back at your companion.

“I eat a lot when I’m stressed,” you mutter in between your bites, mouth full. You look natural like this and Felix realises this is you in his mind-- cheeks full of food, that little wrinkle in between your brows when you look at him, eyes staring big into his like a loyal dog. This is how he knows you, in your rawest form, and this is coincidentally, also, how he likes you the most. He loves and treasures every single version of you, but your late-night meetings feel of different kind of intimacy to him that he’s sure he’s going to think of even when he’s old and his college years are dusty like an old polaroid picture.  

“Stressed?” he asks, tone of voice a little more worried than usual. Felix always worries about you. Even when you quietly take out your cheat sheet from under the table and write your answers down. He doesn’t fear being caught-- he frankly doesn’t care that much, but he knows that you are having a battle with yourself and he really doesn’t want you to feel like you lost. He didn’t know it was so easy to put someone else first when you worry for the future. 

“The finals are coming up.” you clarify, the words coming out a little bashful and smitten.

“Oh.” he nods. 

You’re both quiet for a while. It would be cheesy to say the silence was comfortable, and Felix knows, he’s seen enough teenage dramas to know these words are used in situations like this, but the truth is, there’s no other way to describe it, and he understands that now. Your determination shines through all your edges and he’s glad you’re doing what you can with the resources you have. You’re not exactly studying for your Biology finals, but it’s still as hard and as stressful as that. It can feel a little embarrassing at times, but there’s no other way around it. You have to battle your enemy, even if it means the game is not fair.

“And those chicken wings are fucking good, dude,” you mutter after a while, offering him one of the paper baskets the server brought you a few minutes ago, looking rather stoned and not interested in your presence at all.

“Don’t tell me this rotten place is winning your chicken wings and fries contest,” Felix snickers, taking a bite that, to his surprise, actually tastes the best out of the amount of fast food chains and restaurants you’ve brought him to. You should never judge a book by its cover and this bistro is clearly one of the examples.

“I have only one place left to go, so we’ll see then, but I guess it might just be the top place right now,” you muse out, a wide grin decorating your features as you glance up at Felix that watches you scribble down your notes on a mini piece of paper.

“Wanna go with me there? After the finals, of course. We can celebrate if we pass,” you point out, licking your lips in nerves, “I don’t think I’ll need these ‘tutoring sessions’ anymore then, but I still want to hang out sometime.” you say, putting air quotes around the words tutoring session, looking at him with expectations in your eyes.

“Oh, sure,” he agrees, nodding. “I have to be there when you finally declare your last yelp review.”

You only laugh at him and shake your head, eating some more as you look down into your notes again, lost in work. “I still don’t get how you can do these so fast.”

“I already know what’s the most useful. You don’t have to copy the whole textbook on there.”

“You can never know! What if I’ll need it all?” you exclaim, only making him laugh harder.

He points his eyes out of the window, watching the empty parking lot. You didn’t come in your car today, telling Felix your house is close anyway, and Felix doesn’t dare to drive his car anywhere unless he doesn’t need to. He has a little bit of a trauma since the last time he drove with his dad and he almost ran the car into a tree, getting a shower of swear words and exclamations from his dear father, so he only drives his small white Renault when he needs to go home. Which is, coincidentally, next week. 

“I really don’t want to go home next week,” he sighs.

“Your family is still onto you for the smallest shit?” you ask, tone of voice sympathetic.

“Yeah. Can’t wait to graduate so I don’t have to listen to them talking about a degree anymore,” he rolls his eyes, “I only have to find myself a partner so my grandma can shut up about me being single all the time.”

You softly laugh, making Felix look at you for a moment, his heart skipping a few beats when your eyes meet for a little more seconds than usual. “I’m sorry. You can always text me, though, if you need anyone to talk or gossip with.” you say, averting your eyes from his.

“You’d have to be on your phone 24/7, then. My mental stability comes down by 70% when I’m back home and it’s already only on 15% now,” Felix snickers.

“Oh, I don’t mind. I’ll be staying here anyway.” you say, giggling.

“You’re not coming back home?”

“No,” you shake your head in disapproval, quickly glancing into his eyes before speaking up again, “it’s my parent’s wedding anniversary, so they’re going on a holiday. There’s no use in me coming home if I’m just going to be alone there anyway,” you shrug.

Felix hums, nodding in understatement. “That makes sense. I’m sorry you can’t meet your family on holidays, though.”

“It’s okay,” you say, “I see them often anyway. One Christmas won’t kill me. I have a whole season of Game of thrones to catch up on anyway.” you light-heartedly laugh, sounding like Felix’s favorite song. He smiles with you, shaking his head in disbelief at how positively you can always see the world, when he glances out of the window for a moment again, only to be met with a surprise. 

There are white flakes of snow falling from the sky and something in Felix wakes up-- something he’d call happiness, maybe even joy, when he quickly shoots up from his seat and calls you with excitement coating his voice, “Y/N! Y/N! Come on!”

“Come where? Felix, what are you-” 

He doesn’t let you finish as he takes you by the hand and tugs you on your feet, tugging you out of the empty bistro out into the dark parking lot, admiring the snowflakes falling onto the ground and every surface in his sight. He sees some stick into your hair, making him giggle as his outstretched hand dusts them off subconsciously, when he starts running around like a happy child, laughter coming out of his throat filling the silence.

“It’s snowing!” you exclaim, when Felix reaches your body frozen in its place again. He reminds you of a golden retriever when he jumps a little in his place, his feet happily crouching in the snow. You laugh at his antics when he starts acting like a little boy, this side of Felix being so new to you, yet you can’t help but feel your heart swell with admiration when he asks you to catch some snow into your mouth.

“Felix! That’s disgusting!” you refuse, laughing.

“Oh come on! It’s just water!” he cheers, leaning his head back and opening his mouth wide, waiting for the snow to fall into his mouth. 

“But it’s unhygienic and dirty! You have to be kidding me!” you still reject his idea, standing your ground firmly as always in your life so far, when a face of a boy looking like an angel takes you by surprise and his big eyes plead you in a way that makes you drop all your grudges and all your beliefs down, rolling your eyes when he pouts, leaning your head back as well and opening your mouth with a loud ‘aaaa’ sound to satisfy his foolish heart.

Once you both feel a snowflake hitting your tongues, you look at each other with your tongues out, laughing at how stupid the other one looks, pointing to your tongues. You shake your head. “It melted off, you stupid!”

“You did the same thing!” he bursts out laughing, bending over in the force of his emotions. You watch him with a wide grin plastered onto your face. It feels like watching a movie. You don’t think you’ll ever have a brighter memory with the boy in front of you, with his cheeks red from the snow and smile so wide it hurts both of your jaws.

You instinctively take his hands into yours, looking down on your feet as you start going around in a circle with him, going quicker and quicker as you watch your footprints in the snow mixing with his, the dry skin of his hands making you feel strange. You laugh out when your head starts spinning, looking up at him to find him already staring at you with stars in his eyes, when you wonder,

isn’t this how love is supposed to feel?

All of his life, Felix had thought that family gatherings could always either go two ways, and that is: 1) a normal, boring meet-ups where your grandma asks about how school’s going, when you’re going to finally find a partner and another one of your cousin’s announces their engagement party, or 2) the actual engagement parties-- every single family member including the senile grandma from mum’s side gets drunk and you don’t have to think about more fake reasons why you have yet to lose your virginity.

You see, Felix is wrong in a lot of things. And this was surely one of them-- it’s the December 27th and he’s sitting in his grandma’s old kitchen, the wind blowing through the cracks of her window and the sweets on the table have already melted from the heat being too high, because his aunt is always cold and they can’t compromise. That sounds fine, even usual, Felix would say, however, the fire lights up a few moments later when his head starts to hurt from all the talking and he begins to dissociate a little too much, meaning that his grandma now has to shift her attention from all of his other relatives to him, because how dare he stay quiet on a family gathering where he has nothing to add to the conversation, right?

It starts off as usual, the answers to these questions digged deep into Felix’s brain since the first year of college. He doesn’t even bat an eye when he answers the questions directed at his studies and grades, telling all of his interested relatives that he’s working hard and it’s paying off. Nobody complains or disagrees-- his grades are awesome. His degree is here soon. Felix almost thinks he’s over with when his grandma laughs at a poor joke that comes out of his mouth, but that was only a bad prediction as he moves on to questions about his love life, which are, believe me or not, much more boring and much more ego-hurting for the blonde.

“Do you have a girlfriend yet, Felix?” she asks, tone of voice sounding rather interested, but don’t believe her-- it’s only an act. She’s ready to laugh into his face when he gives her the answer she’s hoping for.

“No, not yet, grandma,” he mumbles, averting his eyes from her wrinkley face as soon as possible. He really doesn’t need to look at her any longer to know she’s silently judging him on the inside, because that’s just how his grandmother is. 

“That’s such a shame… I wonder why… You’re such a pretty young boy, aren’t you?” she mutters under her nose, tone almost whiney, “what about your roommate? Jisung, was it?”

Felix takes a deep breath in, closing his eyes for a second to calm his rising heart beat. He could have predicted questions like this coming, because the conversation always somehow diverted to his roommate even when he was at home with his family. It’s crazy, how everyone just seems to adore Jisung much more than their own family member. 

“He’s.. Yeah. He’s always with someone, you know him. Not now, though, now he’s single,” Felix nods, explaining.

“Well, I’m sure he’ll find someone soon,” she admits, “he’s such a gentleman. And so handsome as well, isn’t he?” she asks, his aunt from her right side nodding quickly at the mention of Han Jisung. 

“He always has so many people around him, he’s so charming. If only you were more like him, maybe then someone would date you as well,” his grandma says calmly, not even noticing the way her words cut deeper and deeper into Felix’s heart, kicking him and punching him like a boxing bag, “you should try to be more like him.”

Felix bites down on his lower lip, rolling his eyes. Frustration coats his voice once he speaks up, the built-up anger living inside of him like an animal kept well in its cage. He doesn’t want to let it out, because he fears what it might do once it’s free, but he still retorts to a dig addressed to his grandma, huffing in annoyance. “Should I send Jisung home instead of me next time?”

“Oh no, Felix, what are you even saying right now?” his grandma looks rather offended, eyes twice their usual size as she glares at him.

“Well, since you like him so much.”

“Don’t be ridiculous. I was just saying that-”

“Leave it.” Felix says. 

The atmosphere is too heavy now, all eyes on him as if he was in a circus, watching him just moments before his breaking. He realises he no longer feels welcome in this place and maybe he never did, he just chose to ignore it by now, because that’s what he always does when a problem appears-- he chooses ignorance. Ignorance is Felix’s best friend, and although it may sound like he’s running away from his problems all the time, it’s always worked so far. He’s just protecting his heart, building walls around it. 

He doesn’t want to fight. He hates conflict. So, even though he’d like to snap, even though he’d like to leash out like an animal, he doesn’t. He steps back-- as he always does, taking the car keys from the table and escaping the house, hearing the calls of his mother after him. He doesn’t bother to say goodbye, he doesn’t even bother to look back nor take the Christmas gifts his grandma brought for everyone. 

He sits into the small white Renault he drives once a year when he comes back home, starts the engine and speeds up to the limit, driving away from all of his problems. He doesn’t want to hear their complaints, he doesn’t want to listen. It’s the best this way. He wants to ignore the words that came out of his grandma’s mouth, but he can’t find it in him as he hears them resonate in his head over and over again. 

He’s the second choice even in his own family. He’s a joke to everyone, isn’t he? Just the side character, the one that never gets the spotlight. It hurts, it hurts him so much, but he pays no attention to his blurry vision, because even though he’s fairly sure no one from his family would miss him, he doesn’t want to drive off the road and kill himself with his escape.

He parks the car in front of his and Jisung’s flat after a few hours. He’s fairly good at it, considering he never drives, and mentally puts up a middle finger to his dad in his head for screaming at him so much. He was in a much calmer headspace when he was driving with his dad than he was now, yet, he didn’t manage to drive anyone over. 

Putting his feet into the cold, empty apartment, turning the heating on and plopping down on the sofa, he once again realises how lonely it feels. Not only because of the feeling of abandonment the dark flat resonates, but also due to the fact that it truly feels like now, he’s all alone in this world. The silence screams louder than any words ever could, his ears lowly ringing without any sound in the small room, which makes him wonder if he’s truly the only one that has to spend his holidays pretty much alone. Maybe it’s his fault that he’s fucked it up with his family, who knows-- but that’s a topic for another overthinking session of his, when he decides to let it go once his eyes meet the snow silently falling down behind the window. 

The dark mixed with the white balls of fluff in the air remind him of you. Your bubbly laugh, the feeling of your skin on his when you held his hands and danced around with him in the snow. He feels a smile growing on his face, despite everything he’s heard today, his fingers involuntarily texting you to see if you’re doing anything and if you can hang out with him today. 

He meets you at the door a few minutes later, your nose runny from the cold and hands dry, smiling at you with a sense he can only describe as belonging, because he realises, maybe you feel just as lonely as him on holidays and suddenly, he no longer feels sorry for leaving.

“Why are you even here, Lix? Shouldn’t you be at home?” you ask him when you’re taking off your shoes and hanging your coat on the hanger by the door. He bites down on his lower lip to suppress a bitter chuckle. 

“Christmas got cancelled this year.” he shrugs. 

It’s not like he doesn’t trust you. You know better than anyone what his struggles are-- he asked you to keep his secrets numerous times. It’s just that now that you’re here, it’s like his soul finally feels calm and he no longer wants to whine about his grandma or his aunts anymore. It’s just you and him and the empty apartment. If he was anyone else, maybe he’d try to get into your pants. He’s just Lee Felix though, and he’s absolutely, wholeheartedly in love with you, he realises, and believe me, it kind of takes him over the edge, and so he doesn’t try anything. 

And you look at him in understatement, no other questions asked.

“I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. It’s all a capitalistic holiday anyway,” he shrugs.

You follow him into the living room and he throws the remote control into your lap, telling you to choose a movie before he comes back with popcorn. 

“If you don’t pick anything before I’m done, we’ll just watch Venom, I don’t care,” he says, seeing you adorably scrunch up your nose at him in response. 

When he comes back and you’re waiting for him with Howl’s moving castle paused on Netflix, he can’t help but grin at you. He places the popcorn on the coffee table and notices himself staring onto your body next to his far more often than the TV and wonders if he really drove away from all of his problems or if he just drove away from one problem to another, because now, it’s getting really hard to focus on staying away from you. 

And when you shiver and curl up into his side, placing your head onto his shoulder, he can’t help but jolt at the contact, staring at you in surprise. 

“It’s cold,” you mumble, pouting.

Felix smiles. He rolls his eyes at you, even though on the inside, he finds you absolutely adorable, taking a blanket from the side of the sofa and putting it over your cold bodies, tucking you both in. You feel warm against his side, your hand resting on his chest. He wonders if you can feel his quickening heartbeat, his stiff body and the nerves rising in his heart. Everything else disappears, the fight back home long forgotten and Han Jisung left somewhere home with his own family, the weight of your body overwhelming him when you fall asleep and that’s when he stops and thinks,

isn’t this how home’s supposed to feel like?

The halls of the university building are empty as Felix stands right in front of the closed door, silently pacing around the corridors and bumping his knee up and down. He just got his final’s results and even though his soul was supposed to be at peace, he finds himself stressing over you, currently sitting in the room behind the closed door in front of him, getting your final’s results from biology back. The professor decided to split your class into two groups for the finals so you can, quote, ‘focus better when there’s less people around’ and even though you managed to cheat on your exams without any problems, he still wonders if you did well and if you passed. 

Once the voices behind the closed doors get louder and louder, he figures it’s near the end of your lecture and he can finally see you again and ask you how you did. 

The last time he talked to you without the stress of finals breathing onto your back was back on Christmas break-- more than a week ago. Ever since then, you two have been meeting in the middle of the night again, preparing for your upcoming tests. You didn’t really manage to talk a lot about anything else and even though Felix didn’t mind, he still missed your mindless rambles and weird jokes you used to crack when you weren’t stressing your mind off. 

The door opens and reveals people coming out, a few of them wearing a toothy grin on their faces as they glance on the paper in their hands, a few of them frowning as they pin their eyes to the ground. It’s not easy to differentiate the ones that passed and the ones who did not do that well and even though Felix feels sorry for them, he wonders why they just don’t cheat their way out of bad grades just how he does. It’s not that hard. It just takes a lot of practice. 

Once he finally sees your face, a big, toothy grin decorating your lips, a big stone falls off his heart, a weight lifts itself from his shoulders, because frankly, you wouldn’t look so happy if you failed, right? You’re not a total psychopath.

“How did you-” 

His words are cut off from his mouth, all air kicked out of his body once he feels you so close, the soft skin of your lips pressed up against his in a happy kiss. He’s startled, to say the least. His cheeks are reddening in the instance and he doesn’t even know if time stopped or if it’s just the rising anxiety and excitement in his chest, but he bites down the confusion and kisses you back finally, closing his eyes and bringing you close by your shoulders. The kiss is a little sloppy and messy, but he doesn’t mind-- all that’s occupying his mind right now is you, your sweet lips, your mouthy kiss, your excited hands creeping up around his neck, your bag that fell to the ground next to his feet, your exam paper marked with the big red A+ flying around the two of you when you let it fall from your grasp, your hair tickling his cheeks, you, you, you.

There’s only you. In the air he breathes, in the ground he walks on, in his hands and on his mind. You’re everywhere. Intoxicating.

You pull away from him after a while, grinning at him. It still manages to startle him a little-- how just the small gesture can light up his whole world, how your smile can make him feel like he’s the luckiest person on this earth. He sees stars in your eyes and he wonders who put them there, hoping to be the one, believing he could finally be the one, with how you look at him and hold him in your arms-

but it’s Felix’s life we’re talking about. There’s only you, you, you and maybe somewhere, far away in the distance, there could even be him, but who’s always there for sure is Han Jisung.

Han Jisung staring at the two of you from the open door, mouth agape in shock. Han Jisung with trembling hands, Han Jisung with his books clutched close to his chest as Felix’s heart drops and reality finally hits him. You were never supposed to be his to kiss. You were supposed to be Jisung’s-- his roommate’s, his best friend’s -- you fell for him long, long ago and that’s how it’s always been. 

He opens his mouth to say something, anything, to comfort his dear friend that looks like he’s heart’s being broken, but he finds no words in him to console his actions. He feels bad, he feels so, so guilty when their eyes meet, but he doesn’t manage to say anything before Jisung turns around the corner and leaves. 

The sound of Jisung’s quick steps is the only thing resonating in Felix’s mind like a bell, a signal for him that he fucked up, he did a really, really bad thing. 

His insides clutch and eyes water in the empty college corridor when he wonders,

is this how it feels to break someone’s heart?

You kick the small rocks beneath your feet, gazing into the distance. The cold in your bones makes you shudder, your eyes trailing around the neighbourhood so foreign to you, putting your hands into your pockets so you shelter your fingers from the frozen air. You think how this place looks exactly as you imagined it to-- tall apartment complex and a single big tree in front of it, the cars parked in the driveway obviously having their spot as the neighbours have lived together for a long time to know not to park anywhere else, because it’s more efficient this way. 

You’re waiting and waiting, hoping to see the one you’re waiting for soon, because you doubt your confidence will last you for any longer if you don’t talk to him now. You could lie and tell yourself it’s okay and that you’re not nervous at all, but after Jisung ran away the other day and his roommate followed him a few moments later, you feel nervousness creeping into your skin after not seeing or hearing from Felix for three days now. 

You remember him telling you that he likes to go for late-night convenience store runs every evening to get his favorite snacks. It wasn’t hard to find out where he lives-- it’s the 21st century, for god’s sake. You asked a friend of his friend and here you are, waiting  for him to appear in the door of his apartment complex, ready to talk to him about the events of this week.

Once you hear the door opening, you feel your head snap to its direction quicker than the speed of light, knees almost getting weak at the sight of Lee Felix standing there, confusion written all over his face once his eyes meet with yours. The frown forming on his face only deepens your stress as you wonder if he didn’t want to see you today, which, considering the fact that he’s been ignoring you for the past few days, might just be the case, but it still makes your heart break just a little when you hear him sigh once he makes his way over to you, the sound of his sneakers on the ground being the only thing heard in the middle of the night.

All the snow has melted-- as if all the bright things have left just in time with it, leaving you sad and cold, the clouds of your breath hitting the cold air being the only thing reminding you of the weather as you feel your body heating up in his presence. 

“Can we talk?” you ask, voice steadier than you expected it to be.

“I- I mean,” he starts, a shaky and husky voice hitting your ears, signaling that he probably hadn’t spoken to anyone for a long time now, “you’re already here, so I guess…”

You nod at him, averting your gaze quickly to the ground, when you realise you suddenly don’t know what to say. You try to search for words, yet none come out of your mouth. Your mind is blank and it seems like his presence took away all your vocabulary, but deep on the inside, you know damn well that if you don’t speak up now, you won’t have a second chance and you really have to get it now.

“Why- why…” you mutter, “why did you leave without saying anything the other day?” you ask.

The silence is overwhelming as you start to hate the sound of your own breath, opting to hold it for a few seconds as you await his response. 

“I mean, isn’t it obvious?” 

You shake your head in confusion, finally meeting his eyes again. “No.”

“Jisung… Jisung saw us. I didn’t feel like it was right,” he explains, cracking his knuckles in a nervous habit you noticed in him a long, long time ago when he first tried to teach you how to cheat in class without getting caught.

“What does he have to do with anything?”

“You two like each other.” he says bluntly, taking you off-guard.

The moment these words come out of his mouth, you realise not one, but two things. One of them is fairly new to you, the fact that Han Jisung liked you back was something you never knew you could experience, but even though you should be flattered, you realise it no longer holds a meaning in your heart. The second thing is connected to the first-- and that is, Lee Felix doesn’t know that you like him now. His foolish, silly mind convinced him you were still in love with his best friend, his confused and frustrated brain didn’t let him realise that for a long, long time now, the freckled boy in front of you has been the only one you thought about when you were falling asleep at night.

You don’t even know when it happened. You guess it just did. You wondered how it’d feel to know what exactly made you fall for Felix, what that moment was, but something inside of you is telling you that maybe, it was even more wonderful this way. Unexpected, but totally reasonable.

“Why would I be kissing you if I still liked Jisung?” you ask, the fear of directly confessing to him and getting rejected creeping up in your shadow.

“I- I don’t know-”

“Exactly.” you cut him off before he rambles and manages to find a stupid, silly reason in his head to justify his wrong expectations. You know how he is-- if he overthinks things hard enough, he’ll surely find an answer. There’s none, though, so you don’t dare to give him time to think about it and ponder on the thought for any longer.

“But that doesn’t matter now anyway,” he shrugs, putting his hands into his pockets.

You wonder what’s going on inside of his head right now. You wonder if he regrets what he’s done-- if he wants to turn back time and never let you kiss him. The nerves make you bite down harshly on your bottom lip and you only catch yourself when you feel iron in your mouth, quickly licking your own wound on the surface of your mouth and take a deep breath in. 

“Why?” you ask. 

“Why would it?” he says, eyes boring into yours.

“Because… I thought it meant something to you? I mean, it meant a lot to me, at least. That’s why I’m even here in the first place,” you chuckle airly, feeling your throat get dry.

“I’m not saying that it didn’t, I just think it had no point.”

His words feel like knives thrown into your chest, like a fire burning the pit of your stomach. You feel your legs getting weaker at his arguments, your fingers harshly tugging at the skin of your cuticles hidden in your pockets. You don’t trust your voice to sound steady this time when you speak, but you don’t care. Maybe it’s time to show your real emotions. Maybe it will change Felix’s mind.

“And why is that?”

“Because people like you don’t date people like me. You’re supposed to be in love with Jisung. You’re supposed to be dating him, he’s supposed to date you. You’re too good for me anyway.” he shrugs.

“Is this all about Jisung?” you ask, eyebrows furrowed.

You watch Felix sharply inhale in and out, averting his eyes from your figure. The distance between the two of you is unnatural, as if to singal how the two of you are slowly drifting apart. You see him fold his hands on his chest, preparing for what he’s about to say.

“It hurt him, back then. And I hate that. He loves you and I just.. I can’t do that to him, when I know  how much he cares about you.” he says.

Love is a strange thing. You hear Felix say how much Jisung loves you, but is that really true? Does Han Jisung even know you? The real you?

Does Jisung know how you look with your mouth full of fries and a greasy forehead? Does he know how you look when you’re stressed out of your mind because of finals? Does he know your favorite bistro, does he know your favorite movie? Did you cuddle up with Jisung on the couch just because you wanted to be close to him, comfort him and tell him you’re there just a few days after Christmas? 

Or does he just know the self you put up in front of him when you went to meet him? The put-together you that cares even about the sound of your own laugh, not wanting it to sound ugly in his ears? 

Han Jisung can’t love you. He doesn’t even know you.

And you never loved him-- just for the same reason. The feelings you had for him were merely a feeling of attraction, so far away from love.

But now you know how you feel about Felix, how his smile lights up the world and how his presence makes you feel understood. How even the silence with him speaks louder than a million words, how he knows you like the back of his hand and how he treats you like his closest friend. You know that what you feel when you’re with him is stronger than anything you ever have and although it used to scare you for a moment, now you’re ready to embrace it and live with it, if he lets you.

Lee Felix doesn’t tell you he loves you. Maybe you can see it in his eyes.

Why does he have to put everything above love? Why does he care about Jisung more than you? It’s breaking your heart. 

“Felix… I’m sure he’d understand. He’s a good person. I’m sure he’d want you to be happy.”

“Y/N, you don’t understand-”

“He’s a grown adult!” you yell out, the built-up emotions coming to the surface in the form of frustration, your words sunding spiteful and angry. Maybe you are furious, maybe you are full of fire right now, but it’s all because of the boy in front of you and the things he refuses to let himself enjoy.

“Why do you even care about it so much, huh? I was your fucking second choice all along anyway!” 

You look at him in shock, your eyes watering at the sight of the frown sitting on his face. Something inside of you breaks and you think it’s safe to say it was your heart, choking you up as you shake your head in disapproval. 

“Felix-” you protest, but there’s no use.

You see him turn around on his heel, opening the door to the apartment complex and leaving. It feels like you’re losing him, it feels like he’s gone forever. He turned his back on you, refusing all the love you were willing to give him, all the love you were offering to him right here, your heart in your hands.

He gave up on your love.

People in movies go out to party after a break-up to get drunk and numb their feelings. They either go to the club or go to a stupid college party, which is, coincidentally, your case today, but you’re not here to get drunk tonight. You’re not here to drown out your feelings and numb your pained soul-- you’re simply here to try to have some fun.

Your mum told you long, long ago that happiness is a choice. You could argue with her and tell her that depression and heartbreak aren’t a choice and that they, by themselves, are causing people the most sadness, but you had to give your mum a point. If you don’t choose to try, if you don’t do anything to at least try to stimulate your own brain, you can’t expect happiness to find you by itself. That’s just, sadly, not how life works, and you weren’t going to drown out in your own tears just because of Lee fucking Felix, because if you weren’t worth trying for him, he’s not worth any of your tears.

You appear on Lee Haechan’s end of the semester party. You have A+ finals to celebrate and although you would be much happier to drink to them with the one that basically helped you get through the semester, you won’t pass the chance to socialize. You worked hard and you did a good job-- you deserve a party. Alcohol truly isn’t the best for your brain, but you will just decide to call it selfcare. It’s not like you’re getting blacked-out drunk tonight anyway.

You manage to have small talk with a few people from your class. Though it’s not exactly what’s stimulating your brain, you don’t mind it. You barely know these people and you couldn’t care less, but you guess this is the downside of socialising. 

The alcohol in your veins doesn’t give you a chance to loosen up, though. You only feel your body warmer with the beer hitting your system, but your feelings still taste of salt, your brain not cooperating with your grandiose happiness plan and you think the people talking to you notice, since no one really tries to keep you in a conversation long enough when you start to absently nod at them and pay zero attention to what they’re saying. You don’t blame them, though. You’d probably do the same in their place.

Your feet move their way to the front door when you decide that maybe your mum wasn’t right, completely ready to go home and pity yourself for a few more days before coming back to life, when a familiar voice calls you from behind, making you freeze in your spot.

“Y/N, long time no see.”

Han Jisung watches you with glossy eyes, yet he tries to look nonchalant at the sight of you. It doesn’t feel like his heart is breaking when he sees you right here and there, chewing on your bottom lip, more or less, it feels numbing to his heart and his head. It’s like he expected it all from the start-- the outcome that once so surprised him. But after all this time he spent overthinking and dwelling on the memory of seeing you kissing his best friend, it made sense to him. 

“Jisung…”

He can see your eyes growing worried when you watch over him and he mentally slaps himself for not handling his emotions with more care back then. He could have spared you a lot of pain and trouble if he hadn’t reacted in such a way in the doorway of your classroom, but the truth is, Han Jisung hadn’t really known just how much a true heartbreak feels and nothing could ever prepare him for the physical pain numbing his chest. He didn’t know it could hurt so much. 

He doesn’t want to worry you. You are still his friend, after all, right? That’s all you always have been and he should have understood it from the first moment he saw you gaze at his friend so lovingly in the university halls one day. He thinks you, yourself, didn’t even recognise the emotion in you when you watched over Felix with so much care, with so many stars in his eyes and a big grin on your face. He could never compare himself to Felix.

He doesn’t want to worry you anymore, and so he decides to talk to you like a friend would. You looked like you could use a friend tonight.

“How have you been?” he asks, smiling at you. He hopes his eyes convey the emotion he feels-- how after all this time, he still feels comfortable with you and desperately needs you to do the same. He can’t lose another friend. Not to love. 

That happens every single time. Truth be told, Jisung used to have a problem with differentiating true love from platonic feelings sometimes. He used to think he falls out of love just as quickly as he falls in, but the truth is that it was never even love at all. Sometimes, it was just pure admiration. Feelings for a friend. And he managed to ruin all his friendships just because he started dating them. 

And then, he just kept searching and searching for the right one, because no one ever felt right. No one ever made him feel loved, no one ever made him feel love. It felt suffocating, but so, so addicting. He could never give up on trying to find love.

And then he met you. And it finally made sense-- it finally felt right.

“I’m… I’m fine, thanks,” you say, smiling at him with that smile that still, admittedly, made his heart race and swell with love. He’s not afraid to call the emotion by its name. It doesn’t feel wrong. He used to think he wants it to stop, but the truth is, it still feels nice. 

Love feels like loneliness sometimes. It’s a bittersweet feeling. But it’s still so, so addicting.

“Are you sure?” he asks. He knows you. He knows when something’s wrong.

He also knows your eyes have been searching for his roommate for the past few minutes of your conversation. He knows you want to meet him and avoid him all at once, love him and leave him-- it was a paradox. 

He knows his roommate way too well, though. He knows he can’t fall out of love with you. He knows, though, that he’ll never act upon it. Lee Felix has always been the sweetest person in this whole entire world-- putting the needs of others before his own. He can’t keep doing this to himself.He can’t keep doing this to you.

“I think you know the answer, Jisung. Why do you keep asking, then?” you bitterly snicker, going around him and escaping the noisy house. Jisung doesn’t know if you want to leave, if you want to escape his presence, but he can’t leave you just like that, and so he follows you outside, seeing you sitting at the doorstep, as if you were waiting for him.

“You don’t have to think of me, you know that, right?” he says once he takes a seat next to you, watching your expression change into a pained one. 

“It’s… I don’t know. It’s complicated. And Felix- he doesn’t think it’s right. I can’t force him into anything. It was his choice anyway,” you mutter. Jisung sighs heavily, the feeling your words on his chest heavy and solemn. He hates the fact that he is standing in the way of your happiness. He hates the fact that he is the problem, the invisible wall keeping you two from each other. 

“It’s simple, though.” he shrugs.

Your eyebrows furrow in confusion, a heavy sigh escaping your lips. He takes it upon himself to explain before you begin to tell him that it’s not, opting to open your eyes on his own.

“You two are in love with each other. So you should be together. Isn’t that simple?” he asks, smiling at you subtly.

You scoff and shake your head. “He gave up on us.”

“Did he, or did he just do what he felt was right?” Jisung argues. “You can’t keep hiding from each other. You can’t keep trying to ignore your feelings just because I like you. That’s not fair for either of you.”

You don’t argue with him this time. He wonders what’s going on inside of your head at the moment, with your eyebrows furrowed and your bottom lip trapped in your teeth. You look just like all the times he watched you during your tutoring sessions-- focused and lost in thought. It will feel weird to not see you in that way anymore, but he has to try.

The same way Lee Felix always tried for him.

“You’re too sweet, Han Jisung. What a shame our timing’s off.” you say, bitterness coating your voice. He looks up at you again, wondering what your words mean. “I used to like you back then, you know,” you smile.

Here it is, the strange emotion again. The emotion of almost physical pain, a hand squeezing his heart, a knife stabbed into his back. It feels like his world is crumbling down on him, because he’s stupid-- so stupid. He could have had you back then. He could have been with you all this time, only if he wasn’t late. He missed his biggest chance, the biggest opportunity, the happiest time of his life. All because he was too hesitant. 

He didn’t deserve you anyway.

“But now your timing’s right with Felix. Don’t waste that,” he says, biting through the pain.

Because the truth is, if anyone deserved love, it was his roommate. The one that refused you for him, the one that rejected you for him, the one that set him up on a date with you even though you invited him in the first place. The one who gave up on his love only so he wouldn’t hurt his friend. You could say that Jisung was too good for this world, but Lee Felix is the one that deserves the whole entire world, in his eyes.

Maybe these two were just too good of friends. Caring about the other one twice as much as about themselves. And that’s exactly why Jisung will get over this-- he’ll push you to his friend. So he could be happy, finally. 

“Jisung, I don’t know-”

“Do it,” he cuts you off, “reach out to him again. Try it. For me.”

y/n: meet me at the 8Bistro at 9 

Felix can’t believe himself when he finds his legs moving to the direction of the bistro at the edge of the town. He knows it’s the last one on your list, the one you invited him to so you could celebrate your finals in and he finds himself wondering if he could have gone here with you earlier only if the two of you didn’t share that kiss back then.

That damned kiss he couldn’t stop thinking about for the last few days-- even weeks, every time he opened his eyes in the morning and closed them when he was about to sleep. It kept following him like a curse, a thing he couldn’t escape, as if it was testing him like the snake tested Eve in paradise. Foreign fruit. 

You’re sitting there already when he arrives, fingers playing with each other as you gaze at the door in expectation. He sees your usual order already on the table, assuming you got here early, but it’s untouched as your knee bumps up and down under the table and you bite down harshly on your bottom lip.

He takes a seat, allowing himself to look at you again after such a long time. It feels like it’s been ages, yet you still look the same to him-- the same beauty that hit him when he first met you and shared his biggest secret with you.

“Why aren’t you eating? You have to finish off your list,” he mumbles awkwardly, motioning to the food at the table.

“I wanted to wait for you.” you say. Your voice is quiet, almost shy, when you speak to him. He wonders just how much he fucked up that it made you act this way. He knows it’s probably a lot, but considering he’s sitting here right now, he can still fix it.

At least he hopes so. 

“Did you.. Do you want to talk to me about something?” he asks, nervosity filling his veins as he feels his hands form a little swimming pool with just how much he’s sweating.

“Yes,” you nod, taking a deep breath in and out. He wonders if you’re just as nervous as he is. The answer is probably yes, considering your tense shoulders and restless legs, but he doesn’t comment on it as he watches you begin speaking again. “I wanted to tell you that I’m- I’m in love with you. And that it’s for real, and it’s for you and no one else,” you start, quickly wetting your lips and continuing again, “and I know you must feel like a second choice, or like you weren’t important to me at all, but that’s not true.”

“You helped me so much, really, but the more I hung out with you, the more I realised just how wonderful you are. And how your heart is so big, how you’re fun to be around…” you ramble, taking Felix by surprise with your heart-felt monologue, “and that Jisung is not the one for me, because, well, it was just.. it was just a crush. I didn’t know him. He didn’t even know me that well. Crushes… they don’t mean anything. They’re silly. But what I have with you, Felix…” you say, drifting your eyes away from him for a second,

“I know you. The real you. And you know me. You’ve seen me at my worst. You’ve seen me struggle and you know exactly how to help. You know me and I know you and the feelings I have for you are much more than a silly crush. I love you, Felix. And I don’t want to just forget about us.” you complete and Felix swears he can feel his eyes watering at your words. He chooses not to speak up, afraid of his voice breaking, afraid he’s going to embarrass himself in front of you. His emotions got the best of him and right here and now, no one else matters. 

It’s you. You that feels like home, you, the only girl he’s ever loved. You, the only girl that ever loved him back, you, who he foolishly rejected. 

You’re everywhere. In his veins, in his heart, in his foolish, stupid mind.

“Felix… I don’t want you to give up on us.” 

He looks up, seeing your sincere eyes and a look full of worry. You seem so wonderful to him, even now. You’re everything he’s ever dreamt of, a home without a roof and walls. With you, he feels at ease. He trusts you. He’s never felt this way for anyone before.

He watches you and he hears your laugh, he hears your whines when he used to tease you so much. He hears the sound of your memories when he chased you around in the snow. He hears the opening song of Howl’s moving castle, reminding him of the warmth he felt when you hugged him so close that evening.

He used to want to hate you. He should have known that could never be the case.

You’re all he needs-- all he wants. You’re everywhere he looks, in every beauty of the world and in everything that’s dear to him. 

You, you, you, you.

And so he decides-- it’s time to change his plan.

Lee Felix’s bullet-proof guide to loving you: 1) hold her hand, 2) get rid of the guilt, 3) lean in and kiss her.

“Does that mean you’re giving us a chance?” you ask, hopeful eyes glaring at him with millions of stars in them, sparkles swimming around in perfection.

“We’ll talk after you eat. You have a yelp review to write,” he laughs.

“Feli-”

Lee Felix’s bullet-proof guide to loving you: 4) shut her up by forcing french fries into her mouth.

“I love you too.”

[ann-non]

Crafty

Pairing : Joshua x fem!reader

Genre : slice of life, established relationship, crack (kinda)

Word count : 1,2k

Warning : no proof-read

Author’s note : Today I was learning a new pattern to broaden my crocheting skills and as someone who enjoy doing arts and crafts, I think it’d be nice to have a crafting date with Joshua. I think I read somewhere that Joshua wanted to try knitting. So yea, here’s another self-indulgent fic about it. I hope you guys enjoyed it. Positive criticism, feedbacks, and comments are always welcome! Have a nice day or good night wherever you are!!

*****

Crafting dates were always a staple in your relationship with Joshua. With his fame, the two of you could hardly have an outdoor date as people would recognize him, so staying inside is always more ideal. Thankfully, neither of you were the outdoor type either and with your similar hobbies, spending quality time together in the warmth of your shared apartments, surrounded by arts and crafts materials is just a pure perfection. Most of the trinkets and small decorations in your apartment were things that you made with your boyfriend or simply things both of you made separately.

Of course your crafting dates weren’t always smooth-sailing and failure was inevitable from time to time. Like that one time both of you tried pottery at home, you ended up with leaking cups and bumpy plates. Or that time you were so adamant on trying sewing a suit for him, it ended up ripped the moment he lifted his arms, though you unfairly blamed his ridiculously magnificent arms instead of admitting your miscalculation when making the pattern.

Both of you enjoy the fun of learning new craft, even found it quite relaxing regardless of the struggles that came with it. And the funnest part is to actually learning it by yourselves without any help of the professionals. There’s this special taste of accomplishment when both of you managed to do make a decent craft only with the help of videos or the instruction in the box. So when he came with a box of yarns of various colors and some crochet hooks, you were more than happy to join him.

“Finally!!” You exclaimed with a bright grin. Shua has been talking about wanting to try crocheting for a while, but due to its time consuming nature, he said, the two of you have yet to do it together. “Well, you said you can crochet, so I expect your guidance here cause I have a goal in mind,” he said with a small smile as he settled the box in the table.

“What goal?” You asked him curiously, hands already digging through the variety of cotton yarns, picking some of your favorite colors. “You know, our group’s anniversary is coming in May, I though it’d be nice to make something more special other than beads bracelets,” he explained, sheepishly scraping the back of his neck. “Oh! That’s actually a great idea!” You excitedly pulled himself to sit on the sofa with you, the box settled in between.

“So yea, maybe you can teach the way?” his lips curled into a rather sheepish smile. “Of course!” You nodded happily, taking a ball of yarn and a crochet hook and gave it to your boyfriend before taking one for yourself. “So we start with making this loop,” you made a loop with the yarn, making sure your boyfriend could see it clearly and follow it.

Being such a diligent student, Joshua followed your instruction carefully, his attention was all on you. “So you insert the hook here, and hold the yarn like this, then pull through. Then you hook it again and pull through,” you explained as you worked on your own yarn, pausing a bit to look at him. “And you continue like this,” you added, continuing to make a chain.

The two of you sat in silence for about fifteen minutes, crocheting the chain quietly before he paused and looked at you curiously. “Uhh, babe, how long this chain will be? It’s can reach my elbow. Look,” he said, stretched the crocheted chain and it indeed came really close to his elbow. Looking at him, your lips curled into a meaningful smile, followed by a small chuckle.

“I don’t know what’s next,” you said sheepishly, earning a dramatic gasp from him. “What?! Then why did you say you can crochet?” He asked in disbelief. With an apologetic grin, you said, “Well, technically I can crochet..” You lifted up your work. “A chain,” continuing your sentence gleefully. “If you can’t make anything other than a chain, that means you can’t crochet, tho?” He shook his head softly as a sigh left his lips.

“In my defense, you never ask what I can crochet, so..” a soft chuckle left your lips as you found the whole situation kinda funny and apparently he did too since he laughed along with you soon after. “We’re helpless,” he said in between his chuckle. “Not to mention the disappointment. You tricked me,” he said in an accusing tone, but you know better than anyone else that it was a fake one. “I didn’t. You should’ve ask more details before drawing a conclusion,” you said with a light shrug.

Reaching out his hands, he playfully ruffled your hair, making you whine since he made it so messy. “If only I don’t love you,” he said as he stopped, moving his hand to rid the strands of hair away from your beautiful face. “As if you can do that,” you said cheekily, when you looked up, you were met with his gentle gaze and a fond smile. “Of course I can’t. How can I when you’re this annoyingly adorable~” he cooed, squeezing your cheeks with his warm hands.

Even though you protested and struggled to pull his hands away from your face, you lost to his strength. Just when you least expected, he pulled your face closer and placed the softest kiss on your lips. “So how should we do this?” He asked as he casually pulling away, then glancing at the yarns inside the box.

“We can always watch youtube tutorials for beginners. It shouldn’t be too hard.”

—

Bonus

“Thanks, Josh. Thanks, y/n,” the guys said with their brightest smiles at the two of you as you walked out their dorm since you have a dinner plan with your boyfriend. Once you’re completely out, the twelve males gathered in the living room with the ‘presents’ in their hands.

“Are they seriously telling us to wear this during our concert?” Seungkwan was the first one to open his mouth, staring at the result of your crocheting project with Joshua.

“It’s supposed to be a beanie, but why do I feel like I’d look like a gnome..?” Woozi said, fiddling with the so-called beanie in his hands. His blue ‘beanie’ had way too much length that it looked more like the hat worn by dwarves than a beanie.

“Hyung, I can’t even fit my head in it!” Mingyu looked up with your masterpiece pathetically sat on top of his head, barely fit in.

“Well, they did work hard. I’m sure it took them a while to make thirteen of these,” Dokyeom said, trying to be positive despite of the fact that his was too big it covered his eyes.

“I quite like it.” Vernon’s quiet voice made the rest of them fell in silence, all eyes staring at him in disbelief. “It’s a nice sock,” he said innocently sticking his feet in it, making the others gasped.

“IT’S A BEANIE!!”

[chrizbang]

Pairing: Lee Felix x female reader

Genre: Smut

Warnings: mature content, lowkey slow burn, breeding kink, soft!dom Felix, creampie.

Word count: 2.975

You and Ashley have been friends for four years now. You went through a lot of hardships together, especially when Ashley had an unplanned pregnancy in the last year of college. Luckily, Mason, now her husband, is an amazing person, and even though it was hard, she was able to graduate. You loved her baby, Arthur, so much, like it was your little brother. You knew that their anniversary was getting closer and you wanted to surprise her.

"No way, I cannot ask you for something like that."

"You're not asking, I'm offering. Besides, you know I love spending time with Arthur," you said, holding your phone with one hand while you tried to wash the dishes you used to eat dinner with the other. 

"I don't know Y/N..."

"Girl, just stop. I'm not taking a no for an answer. Spending quality time with your husband is important and I know that you have been not getting laid lately."

"You have no idea how hard it is to have sex with a one-year-old making a mess everywhere." You both laughed. 

"I'll go to your house tomorrow at 7 pm. Get a reservation at a nice restaurant, get shaved and, wear your best dress. I want you and Mason to have a good time together."

"Okay, but only because it is our anniversary. I'm gonna take this as a present." Ashley sighed, knowing that she had to say yes anyway.

"Because it is, Ashley. I'll see you tomorrow, bye."

"Bye, honey."

You finished your shores and were planning on watching some videos on youtube when you heard your phone buzzing. You picked it up and saw that you had a message.

Felix, 8:45 pm: Hey

Felix, 8:45 pm: Sorry for messaging late but, are you free tomorrow?

You chuckled. Almost 9 pm wasn't late.

Y/N, 8:46 pm: Sorry, I'm going to my friend's house after work.

Y/N, 8:47 pm: I'm going to babysit her baby so she can go have dinner with her husband.

You met Felix at work, during lunch. He was new there and you have seen him sometimes walking around the place, but you never talked to him. Until one day when he dropped his coffee on you. You remembered how embarrassed he was, his cheeks were red and he profusely apologized. Ever since, you had some small talk with him here and there until one day you gave him his number, saying that he could message you if he needed help with something from work. You know it was bullshit since he was from a different department, but still, you needed an excuse to talk to him. He messaged you a few times but eventually, you thought it was a lost cause.

Y/N, 8:57 pm: Why do you ask?

Felix, 9:00 pm: Nothing.

Felix, 9:01 pm: It's silly.

Y/N, 9:03 pm: If it was that silly, you wouldn't have messaged me.

Y/N, 9:03 pm: Spit it out.

Felix, 9:12 pm: There's a convention for Star Wars fans tomorrow. You said that you loved the movies one time so I bought tickets for you.

Y/N, 9:14 pm: Why didn't you tell me before? 

Felix, 9:15 pm: I didn't know if you would want to go. But it's okay, don't worry about it.

You thought for a moment. You really wanted to spend time with him. Felix was so sweet, respectful and kind. He was also very, very handsome.

Y/N, 9:30 pm: Do you wanna come to my friend's house tomorrow with me? 

You looked at your phone five minutes later and saw that Felix visualized the message but didn't answer. "Congratulations, you fucked it up, Y/N," you said.

You sat on your couch and turned the tv on, planning on finally watching your favorite youtube videos, when you heard your phone buzzing again.

Felix, 9:50 pm: Sure, why not? Is it okay with your friend? She doesn't know me.

You sighed, happy that he answered.

Y/N, 9:51 pm: I'm gonna tell her but I'm pretty sure she'll be fine.

"Is he cute?" Ashley asked, putting on her earring. She looked gorgeous with a tight red dress that accentuated her curves and contrasted with her dark skin. Her curly hair was in a bun, leaving her neck and shoulders exposed. You knew Mason would love it.

"He is very cute. And he's so nice too. I only invited him over because he seems really sweet."

You went to Ashley's house one hour before she would leave for dinner so you could help her get ready, and by help, you meant to force her to wear something that wasn't a t-shirt and jeans.

"How do I look?" she turned around, facing you.

"Gorgeous as always."

Ashley hugged you tight. "Thank you so much, Y/N. You know you don't have to do this, right?"

"But I want to."

The bell rang.

"That's probably Felix," you said.

"Let's go downstairs, I wanna meet this boy."

When you went to the living room you saw Felix talking to Mason.

"Hello, I'm Ashley, nice to meet you."

"I'm Felix, nice to meet you too," Felix raised his hand so he could shake Ashley's hand but she gave him a light hug. You smiled, finding really cute how awkward he was.

"Arthur is sleeping now, he already ate, but if he wakes up, there's milk on the fridge. He usually sleeps all night so you don't have much to worry about."

"Okay, you guys have to go before you're late for dinner," you said, pulling Mason and Ashley towards the door.

"Call me if you need anything. We'll be back tomorrow morning so you'll don't have much trouble with him."

"Don't worry about it. You can take your time."

"Also, don't forg-"

"Baby, we have to go," Mason insisted, holding her hand and trying to get her inside of the car.

"Fine. Bye everyone, see you tomorrow."

You waved at them before going inside and closing the door.

"I'm gonna check on Arthur for a second, you can wait here, okay?" You told Felix.

"Sure."

You went upstairs and checked on Arthur's room. He was sleeping soundly. You felt the urge to lightly pinch his chubby little cute cheeks but you decided not to bother him. You went to the living room again and Felix was sitting on the couch.

"Are you hungry? We bought pizza."

"Uhm, not really."

"Are you sure?" you insisted.

"Okay, one slice would be good."

Felix got up and followed you to the kitchen.

"Your friend has a beautiful house," he said, admiring the place.

"She does. I mean, she's an architect and Mason is an engineer, so they were able to buy a nice place," you cut a piece and handed it to him.

"You said that you studied together."

"We went to the same college, but I graduated in graphic design. For obvious reasons, I don't make as much money as them," you laughed. "Did you always wanted to work in a publishing company?" Felix sat on the balcony standing in the middle of the kitchen. "Honestly, I just wanted to work with what I love. Graphic design is not something that people value but it is what makes me happy." You looked at him and Felix smiled at you, his dimple prominent on his face. He was so cute. "What about you?" "Oh, marketing is definitely not something I dreamed of working with. My family has a long line of people that have been working with it, so I barely had a choice,” Felix confessed. "Oh, yeah?" "Yeah." He looked thoughtful like his mind was somewhere else. "I actually wanted to work with art. I love painting." "Really? That's so cool. Do you have a picture of a painting to show me? I would love to see it." Felix hesitated for a while before he grabbed his phone and scrolled through his gallery. "Please don't think I'm weird," he said before showing you the picture. You raised your eyebrows when you saw what was on the screen of his phone. A beautiful painting of you. You realized that he used your profile picture on Facebook as a reference. "Felix, this is amazing." "It took me a week to finish it," he said, holding his hands behind his back, clearly feeling shy. "I love it, really." You and Felix finished eating. You talked more about your plans for the future, the things you wanted to do with your life, your dreams. You were sitting on the couch watching tv when you heard Arthur crying upstairs. "Ops, somebody woke up." You got up to go to his room and you noticed that Felix was following you. "You don't have to go if you don't want to." "It's fine, I wanna help you." When you entered the room, Arthur was up in his crib, deeply crying. "It's okay," you said in a soft tone, picking him up. "I think somebody needs to change its diaper," Felix said. "You are right," you laughed. "Let's change this little boy." You put Arthur on the changing mat and started to change him, but to be honest, you had no idea what you were doing. Felix laughed. "Let me help you." Felix quickly changed his diaper, he clearly knew what he was doing. "Woah, how do you know that?" you asked, looking at him dumbfounded. He laughed again, amused by your reaction. "I have a small brother so I have changed his diaper plenty of times." "Aaah, that explains a lot."

"Let's see if he wants to eat," Felix said, holding Arthur in his arms. You went to the kitchen and looked for the milk. After pouring it into a pan, you heated it up. "We need to make sure we don't overheat it so it won't burn the baby," Felix said while he tested the milk's temperature. You put it into a baby bottle and gave it to Arthur who promptly drank it. "I guess he was hungry," Felix chuckled. "Do you plan on having kids, Felix?" you looked at him, completely mesmerized by how good he was with kids. "Yes, I love kids. I plan on having two kids one day." "That's so cute, I'm sure you'll be an amazing dad." Felix smiled, making your heart skip a beat. "Do you want to have kids, Y/N?" he looked apprehensive. "Yeah, one day. I still need to find the right person." "Of course." Arthur went back to sleep again when he was done eating. "Not gonna lie, taking care of a baby can be tiring," claimed said, sitting on the couch. Felix sat next to you, his knee touching your leg. "Do you want to watch a movie?" you asked. "Sure!" Twenty minutes later, you started to sleep. Your head felt heavy until it fell on Felix's shoulder. He simply smiled, enjoying the feeling of you so close to him.

The sound of the bell ringing woke you up. You were laying on the couch, a blanket over your body. You looked around and Felix was sleeping on the smaller couch next to yours, with just a pillow under his head. You got up and answered the door. "Hey!" Ashley said, hugging you. "Hi. How was your night?" "It was amazing. Thank you so much, Y/N." Ashley went to the middle of the living room to drop her bag on the couch, Mason following behind. "How's Arthur? Did he behaved?" Mason asked. "Yeah, he slept almost all of the time." You rubbed your eyes, still feeling sleepy. Ashley turned around, seeing Felix sleeping on the couch. "You guys could have slept in the guest room," she laughed. "I'm gonna check on Arthur. What about some breakfast later?" Mason suggested. "That sounds great, but I think we should go home. Besides, you guys need to spend some family time with your baby." You woke Felix up, and while he was trying to get conscious, you chatted with Ashley about dinner. Mason went downstairs with Arthur and you chatted a little more before leaving. "Do you want me to take you home?" Felix asked, leaving Ashley's house by your side. "No, it's okay, I'll get an Uber." "Aw, come on. I'm not gonna let you leave on an Uber so early in the morning." You looked at him, admiring the freckles on his skin. His pink lips looked soft and you had to fight the urge to kiss him. "You know what, okay. I'll go with you." The drive to your house was silent, the music playing on the radio helped you to distract the thoughts on your head. The night you spent with Felix was amazing, seeing him being so sweet like that only made you even more attracted to him. Felix stopped in front of your house. "Well, we are here." "Do you want to come in?" "Oh... uhm, sure, yes, that would be great." You smiled and left the car, running to open the door for him. "Please don't mind the mess," you said, taking some clothes that were on the couch. "Don't worry about it." "Do you want to eat something?" "I'm fine, I'm still full because of the pizza from yesterday." "Okay." There was an awkward silence for a while and you realized you didn't think this through. Invite him over and what? "You know what? There's something I want to eat," Felix said. "Oh, okay. What do you want? I have bread, cereal, we can make panca-" "You." "What?" you looked at him, your eyes wide. "I w-want to eat you." Felix stuttered, his face showing that he was feeling too shy to be saying the words that left his mouth. "Oh, I'm... I-" you didn't have the chance to finish, Felix approached you and kissed you. You were still processing what was happening so you didn't kiss him back yet. Felix noticed and stopped kissing you. "I-I'm so sorry, Y/N, I shoul-" "No! It's okay. I just wasn't expecting." You kissed him, holding his face and tasting his lips. His left hand held the back of your head while the other held your waist. He bit your lower lip, his tongue entering your mouth and playing with yours. He pressed his body against yours and you felt his semi-hard dick. You whined, trying to control your breath. "Do you want to keep going?" Felix asked, his forehead resting against yours. You simply nodded. "Where's your room?" You grabbed his hand, guiding him to your room. Once you were inside, Felix slammed you against the door, pressing his body into yours. He started to grind his clothed cock on your heat and, this time, you couldn't hold your moans anymore. "Felix," was all you managed to say before he kissed you again. A messy kiss that screamed how much he was longing for you, how much he desired you. His hand grabbed your ass, pulling you closer as if it was even possible. "I wanna taste you," he said, taking you to the bed. You laid down and he wasted no time to take off your pants, pulling your panties with them in a swift movement. Soon enough, his tongue was exploring your wet lips, savoring the taste of your arousal. Felix played with your clit, his tongue sliding against the sensitive skin. You hoped that your neighbors had already left for work, otherwise you would end up waking them up because of your moans. Felix stopped eating you out to unbutton his shirt. "You have no idea how much I wanted to fuck you," he said, his voice deep, making you raise your hips, craving to be filled up. "Felix, please," you moaned. "You want me to fuck you, baby?" "Yes, please." It was embarrassing, you weren't used to begging. Most of the time that you had sex, you were always the one in control. But not with Felix. "Are you on the pill?" Felix asked, taking the rest of his clothes off and pumping his rock-hard cock. "Yeah, please fuck me." "Anything for you," he growled, sliding his dick into your dripping pussy. Felix already started an incessant pounding into you, stealing moans from your throat. "You are so fucking beautiful." You closed your eyes, feeling the burning on your stomach getting stronger. "Fuck, so fucking good, Y/N. You are taking me so well." "Please, don't s-stop." "Turn around, I wanna fuck you from behind." You didn't have much strength left, but Felix helped you out. He was inside of you again, hitting the right spots in this position. Felix felt your pussy tightening against his dick and he started to play with your clit. "Fuck, Felix, I'm gonna cum," you screamed, not being able to control yourself anymore. You came, a long moan leaving your mouth. "I'm gonna cum inside of your little pussy, I'm gonna fill you up so good." He didn't slow his pace, his hips hitting yours in a fast rhythm. "I'm gonna put a baby in your little cute belly, baby girl," he said, closing his eyes as his dick slid in and out of your pussy. "Fuck," you moaned. "You are gonna look so good, all swollen, f-fuck." A few lazy thrusts and Felix came inside of you. He kept thrusting on you for a while until you milked him out. He laid by your side, trying to catch his breath. Felix put his arm on his face, hiding it. He looked completely flustered. "I'm sorry, Y/N. It was way too soon for me to let out this embarrassing kinky stuff." "Felix, shut up. It was fucking hot," you smiled, turning around to hug him and rest your head on his chest. He played with your hair, the warmth of his skin making you fall asleep. But sleeping wasn't on Felix's plans. "Ready for round two?"

[yurimother]

LGBTQ Light Novel Review — I'm in Love with the Villainess

A stunningly profound, entertaining, and queer title that eclipses other isekai and Yuri series

There are few titles the general public seems to be as excited about as Inori and Hanagata's I'm in Love with the Villainess, as it has been sitting at or near the top of Amazon's LGBT Manga list for months and Twitter is consistently abuzz with the latest news on this isekai Yuri series. I was somewhat more skeptical, as I have had relatively poor experiences with isekai and fantasy Yuri. Still, my excitement went through the room, and I eagerly boarded the "hype train" upon the cover reveal for the third volume. Yuri families, where two women raise children together, are one of my greatest desires and something I rarely see portrayed in the genre. However, I still had mostly low expectations for the series going into the first volume. I looked forward to some light meandering comedy and typical boring trope-filled isekai shenanigans. However, I'm in Love with the Villainess more than exceeded my expectations. No, even this statement is far too moderate to describe how utterly stunned and blown away I was by Inori's creation. I'm in Love with the Villainess is completely shattering and easily one of the greatest light novels I have ever read. Thus, I have no choice to award a perfect 10/10 score, my first ever for a light novel.

After waking up in the world of her favorite otome game, Revolution, protagonist Rae is ecstatic to be faced to face with Claire Francois, the game's villainous rival. However, Rae never played Revolution for the thrill of romancing any of the three attractive young princes. She was always in love with Claire. She attends the academy and studies magic in the fantasy world alongside Claire, the princes, and various other supporting characters. Using her skills from the modern world and her encyclopedic knowledge of Revolution, Rae manipulates the situation to be close to Claire, becoming her maid, and garnering status and money along the way. As an inevitable conflict looms closer, Rea begins to enact plans to protect herself and Claire, many of which are not fully understood or explained until the finale fantastically reveals the reasons for her actions. There is a natural and steady pace to the narrative that awards readers’  predictions and attention to detail.

I'm in Love with the Villainess has some excellent supporting characters, all of whom have unique personalities, histories, and abilities, some of which are revealed by Rae's exposition and others naturally throughout the novel. However, the stars of the show are the central couple, Rae and Claire. Claire is an elite aristocrat and extremely bratty. She often sneers at commoners and makes her disdain of Rae very clear from early on. On paper, she sounds like the perfect villain and someone all readers would despise. However, Rae's utter devotion and infatuation with Claire is so sincere that we cannot help but be pulled in and adore Claire and all her tantrums. Rae is a delight herself, continually flirting and poking fun at Claire, which gets her verbally berated, much to her masochistic pleasure. However, she is also exceptionally cunning and intelligent, and some of the light novel's greatest joys are listening to her analyze a situation or watching one of her plans fall into place.

“Ah, I’m… Well, it doesn’t matter. I mean, it’s irrelevant to cuteness—because, Miss Claire, you are cute.” “Huh?!” She pulled away. It was perfect—such a pure reaction. “Miss Claire, you hate me, right?” “Of course!” “That’s fine. Please keep teasing me. I love it.”

The beginning of the book does not immediately clue one into its brilliance. Sure, Claire and Rea get some great one-liners as they bully each other, and the scenarios are authentic and fun, but it is nothing shattering. I was feeling pretty relaxed and having a lot of fun with the characters, their relationship, and the various slice-of-life style scenarios they encountered until one section, I remember the exact page, 81, as it stopped me dead in my tracks. I was flabbergasted and briefly frozen before shooting up out of bed, shouting expletives as I ran to my office to immediately record what I had just experienced. It all begins with the line, "Hey, Rae. Are you what they call gay?" What followed was one of the most thoughtful, condensed, informative, and nuanced discussions of gay and queer identity (both terms used in this scene) I have ever seen in Yuri. Everything from representation in media, the perceptions of and prejudices against gay people, and the role gender plays in romance for bisexual and gay people are analyzed. Its commentary is succinct yet so respectful and forthright that it could have only come from genuine experience, thus selling the book and its characters so much more.

"Queer people were still overwhelmingly closeted in this world, which was rife with prejudice and nurtured little understanding. As I noted, the queer people depicted in the story were either the sex fiends Claire imagined or the free-loving sort Lene had in mind. Diversity and acceptance were a long way off.”

Thus, Inori's writing's beauty exposed itself, and the book opened itself up to a delightful cycle. The narrative masterfully integrates isekai slice-of-life hijinks, like running a cross-dressing café or battling a giant slime with nuanced and challenging moments that dissect complicated topics. The latter mainly consists of a growing rift between the aristocracy and common people, mirroring real-world wealth gap issues, but the novel also touch on matters such as unequal prison sentencing and segregation. Every scene helped further the complexity of the characters and their relationships or else built onto the world of Revolution. Speaking of which, I'm in Love with the Villainess has some of the best worldbuilding ever seen in a light novel.

Initially, brief exposition establishes much of the world, which is adequate if not exciting. I will mark up to a casualty of the light novel's serialized nature, as it must present readers its setting immediately. However, Inori does not stop here. Through the narrative, new elements are established, such as a magic system and the kingdom's politics. Rea notes and describes how the world, while clearly based on medieval Europe, has many modern Japanese attributes, as Japanese game developers created it. Her pointing out the intersection of the two is fascinating. Furthermore, A great deal of time is spent establishing characters and organizations all have their own wants, agendas, and methods, many of which are not even directly involved with the story. Instead, they act as a background and help further contextualize others. For example, the Church publicly appears to lean towards supporting the commoners in their efforts for equality but has its own agenda of superseding the nobility. While they play little role in Rea and Claire’s adventure, they are one of numerous factors contributing to the unrest of the lower class. All these additions are interesting, and it never feels like the story or characters suffer for their inclusion, quite the opposite.

“The Bauer Kingdom had started a step behind other countries when it came to magical research. They dominated the surrounding countries in military strength, and this had made them complacent, leading them to underestimate the value of new magic technology until the best researchers had all been enticed to other countries. Even after the king came up with his magic-focused meritocratic policy, Bauer lagged behind.”

I can only make complaints by scraping the very bottom of the barrel. Hanagata's beautiful art is too infrequent to add much to the light novel, and many scenes crying for illustrations are left to the readers' imagination. However, Inori so wonderful writes the story that one hardly cares and can easily picture every moment with delight. Besides, the manga adaption will nullify this issue. Where I cannot complain at all is the spectacular translation by Jenn Yamazaki and Nibedita Sen, one of Seven Seas best (which is high praise considering the competition). Sure, I was slightly disappointed at first to see the adaptation left off honorifics, but the more I thought about the setting, the more sense it made. I am sure people much smarter than I gave the issue much more consideration, and I am happy with their decisions.

I'm in Love with the Villainess left me reeling with how pleasurable and powerful it was. The story and characters are such a joy, and I cannot wait to see Rea and Claire bully each other again in the next volume. Astounding worldbuilding and powerful, thought-provoking politics surround their antics and the high stakes plot. Every moment of their journey will enthrall readers as they squeal with glee at its hilarious set pieces or are shocked by its commentary of society's most significant challenges. Inori has created one of the most delightful, heartfelt, complex, profound, and genuinely queer light novel series ever. If you only read one thing I recommend this year, let it be I'm in Love with the Villainess.

Ratings: Story — 9 Characters — 10 Art — 5 LGBTQ — 10 Sexual Content — 2 Final — 10

Review copy provided by Seven Seas Entertainment

Purchase I’m in Love with the Villainess in digitally (9/23) and in print (11/10) today: https://amzn.to/32NEyG1

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