#you are putting her on a pedestal. idolizing her. doing what she says.

[bumblydumbly]

“bla bla people dont like asa bc women in anime are only allowed to be perfect uwu characters” yall just take a stance on anything even if it’s wrong huh. kobeni literally had to choose between devil hunting and prostitution and lost to her fucking car in the popularity votes. power literally didnt take baths or flush her shit. himeno threw up in a kid’s mouth bc she promised to french a minor. makima is literally the most brutal character in the series thus far.

I dont like asa bc her brand of pathetic is giving nothing. not just compared to other characters but in general. maybe it’s bc her pov on being a bullied kid doesn’t resonate with mine, maybe it’s not. it doesn’t matter bc i know i dont like her and that’s literally fine. the second someone says something you dont like you turn it into a morality argument or try to make them seem like a bad person when really you can just disagree with people and leave it at that

[cosmogyros]

.

[hellodropbear]

like she used to

alexia putellas x sister

i have been writing this for ages and it has just sat in my documents folder since january. i don't usually post stuff i write so this will probably get taken down at some point. i've written 13k words so far but this is just the first 4k.

~~~~~~

I hadn't expected to get the call up, not at all really. But Mapi tore her meniscus and apparently the first team found themselves in need of a backup centre back and I was the best option from the B team. It's a compliment, really. Mami is very proud of me and she is excited for me and my sister to play together in a few weeks, even though she is still recovering from her surgery and I will probably not make it off the bench. I am only 15 and 10 months, usually they wait until you are at least 16 and a bit before you can play. 

But, I don't really know how to feel. Thankfully Alexia won't be in training with me for now and I try to avoid thinking about what will happen when she eventually gets better and I have to face her again.

Alexia is my older sister by a lot. There's a 14 year age gap between us and I used to completely and utterly idolise her. She and Alba were two superheroes, always by my side when I needed them. I put them on a pedestal like they were the greatest human beings to ever walk the planet. To me back then, they were. 

I was only four when my father died. All I remember from that time was the big black invisible sheet that hung outside his study and the dark and scary emotions that swallowed our house whole. Alba and Alexia would argue about who got to cuddle me at night and I was so unaware what was happening that I would happily agree, wiping away their tears when it all got too much. 

The death of our father made our family unit stronger. Mami, Ale, Alba and Elena - it was all any of us needed and we supported each other in whatever ways we could. 

Mami had to pick up more shifts at her job, so she couldn't pick me up from school. Alexia had just got her license so she would come in a break during training and pick me up in her training gear. 

Alexia didn't have time to drop me off at home so I would sit and watch the training with whoever wanted to give me company when they were injured. 

Most days, Alba would come and pick me up and take me on the bus all the way home. She would play cartoons on the TV as she sat at the table and did school work. Some days, when she had the time she would sit with me and watch Alexia's training and we'd all go home together. Alba used to say she enjoyed the training. Looking back, I think she just wanted a free ride home and an excuse to not do her homework. 

As I grew up, everything just worked. Alexia and Alba were still living at home as a support to Mami and everything was perfect. My sisters were my idols, my Mami was my shining star. She still is. She would do anything for her daughters, as long as it meant we were all happy. 

That is why it has been so hard for her over the past two years. 

I have not been happy, not really. My football has been thriving, I have represented my country in the under 17 age group and I am a consistent starter in the Barcelona B team. I spent two years in La Masia before they sent me to the B team last year and I have only been improving since. Everything is going well. Mami says I have had a better start to my career than Alexia did. 

Maybe that is why Alexia hates me. Maybe Mami is just saying that to make me feel better about it.

Alexia and I, despite the 14 year age gap, were always inseparable - for the first 12 years of my life. She was at every single school event, football game, she picked me up from trainings when she could and would train me herself in the garden. We shared a common passion that Alba was not interested in at all - we both love football, we eat, sleep and breath it. Football is everything. She was the one who gave me that mentality. 

"Football is life, Lena, you are lucky you are so good because now you also get to live football and hermanita, it is the most incredible thing." 

She had whispered that to me when I was 11. We were sat on the beach, a place we visited frequently throughout my childhood, both of us staring out at the reflection of the moon on the sea. Alba was fast asleep, her head in Alexia's lap as she snored lightly, completely oblivious to our conversation. 

It all fell apart over three years ago, although I don't have the first clue as to why. 

It was not an explicit event that ruined everything, more my older sister growing up and flying the nest that was so secure and established over years and years of shared success, happiness, failure and grief. She moved out of home long before that, but her split with Jenni upset her, I think, a great deal. I wouldn't know because she didn't really tell me anything - that was strictly Alba's business. 

I didn't even know they had broken up until 5 months after it actually happened. 

"Mami, why does Jenni never come over any more?" 

It was an innocent and normal question, but the look on my mother's face told me everything. Everything about Jenni and everything about my sister. 

I think that was the first knock. She hadn't done anything wrong but I had loved Jenni and Jenni had loved me. I would have thought that she would have told me they broke up. Maybe she didn't want to, maybe she just forgot. She does a lot of that these days. 

Before she and Jenni broke up, she still came to all of my games. She never missed one game before I transferred to La Masia and would insist on taking me out to ice cream after every one. She would tease me for not scoring like she does, even though I play as a centre back. 

"You need some training from Mapi, she is a centre back and has the most lethal free kick, hermanita! She is the best defender I have played with, but don't tell her I said that. I think you will grow up to be better than her." 

She was excited that day, I had made a few good saves and I think that was the first time she really saw that I had the potential to be great. 

I remember the first game she was late to. I noticed immediately but we both pretended she was on time - she only made it to the last 10 minutes but I put it down as traffic or being caught up at training. She was busy, it takes a lot to be La Reina. 

I remember the first game she missed entirely. She wasn't there at the beginning and she wasn't there at the end. I was 13 and I didn't have a phone yet so I couldn't call Mami and ask her to come pick me up because Alexia was too busy. I told myself it was because she was too busy. I didn't want to say she had forgotten because that was too hard for me to handle. 

I remember vividly sitting outside the stadium as the sun set. My coach had asked where my sister was, I was a bit stuck with what to say but I managed to convince her I was fine and she could go home. 

Alba came and picked me up after work that night. It was dark and she looked sad but when I asked if she was ok, she just shrugged her shoulders and said everything would be fine. 

I found out from Mami a few weeks later that Alba was sad because I had never once been forgotten anywhere. Alba saw that as the destruction of our strong family. I suppose she was not wrong. 

Alexia never said anything about that game but she was at the next. She didn't take me out for ice cream after, instead patting my head and telling me she would drop me off at Mami's work. 

"I have things to do, Elena, I am very busy. Hopefully soon Mami will let you catch the bus on your own. Maybe Alba can take you soon so you know the correct routes." 

Her words hurt more than I could admit to myself, I told myself to stop being pathetic. Mami asked why I was crying when I walked into her office. I told her I had played terribly and she comforted me. I think she knew I was lying. I think that is why she had tears in her eyes when she released me from her grip-like hold.

Since that day, Alexia has been to 3 of my games. She went to one more of my old club games but she was sat beside Alba, her eyes glued to her phone the entire match. I was so unfocused that the ball deflected off my face and we conceded. I was taken off with a bleeding nose but when I looked up in the stands, my sister was still staring at her phone. Alba had run down the stairs and was by my side when I entered the little sick bay. 

I cried then too. Most people thought it was because of the bleeding nose or the conceded goal. Alba knew that wasn't the real reason. 

The penultimate game she watched was the final of the under 15s Catalonia cup. I don't know what she did during the game because Mami told me not to look up. She said she didn't want me to get distracted but I think she meant to say she didn't want me to get hurt. 

I think I still idolised Alexia at that point in time. She was still my older sister and she was still the best player in the world. She still had weekly dinners at home, although she wouldn't sit next to me and sneakily take all the food I didn't want off my plate anymore. She stopped staying to watch a movie after dinner even though my favourite part of the week was falling asleep in her lap as her hands combed softly through my hair. 

I remember when I was accepted into La Masia, Mami held a nice big dinner. It was right in the middle of covid so it was technically illegal, but we had a lot of my family over. Mami invited a few of the Barcelona girls as well and Mapi and Leila reminded me of what it used to be like before Alexia stopped loving me. 

The reminder of the before was more painful than I liked to admit, and the night ended when the tears that had been burning in the back of my eyes finally spilled out as I was talking to Mapi. 

She immediately pulled me into her arms and asked what was wrong and I struggled to find a lie that would be believable. 

I settled on saying I was upset about everything changing - which I suppose was true. 

I remember Alexia looking mortified and breaking eye contact as soon as I looked at her. She told me off that evening when Mami was in the shower and Alba was talking to someone else. She told me I needed to be grateful for everything I have been given and that she paved the way for me. 

It was even worse when she said I would never achieve the things she has. She said it was because I didn't have the mentality that she did, that I had it all so easy. 

It hurt the most when she told me she was disappointed in the person I was. 

"I hope we never share a shirt, Elena, because the day you play in the first Barcelona team is the day that we have run out of players. It will mean that football players are week and female footballers can not be weak. You do not have it in you to be like me, to do what I have done to get to where I am."

The venom in her voice sent a cold shiver down my spine and I felt like I had been stabbed. I didn't cry that time. I waited until I was in my bedroom to sob my heart out. 

The last time she ever watched me play was the next day, but she didn't have an option not to. I played terribly, my first game as a La Masia student, my sisters words repeating over and over in my head. 

That was really what tipped the relationship I once shared with Alexia on its head. The pedestal I had put her on was destroyed and suddenly she was just another player. I barely saw her as my sister any more. She couldn't love me, you wouldn't be able to hurt someone you love so much. 

I have barely seen her since. She still comes to our family dinners on Thursday nights - she still very much loves Alba and our Mami. But I tell Mami that I have training with Barcelona B late on Thursdays. It finishes at 6 and dinner starts at 7, but I just organise to go to my friends' houses for dinner instead. 

Sometimes we both have dinner together at home, but it is awkward and I hate it. I think she has probably forgotten about what she said to me in June of 2021, but I don't think I will ever be able to. 

She doesn't like me, but it's ok because I have learnt to accept that. But I will never not love my sister because she was once everything to me. 

~~~~~~

"Pequena Putellas!" Patri's excited shriek is what welcomes me into the dressing room on my first day. She tackles me into a hug and squeezes me tight. "It has been such a long time, mi favorita!" 

The last time I saw Patri was only last year at the champions league final. I had sat with my whole family but I went to the bathroom when everyone else went and spoke to the players. I don't think Patri would have seen me. 

I can only smile as she continues. 

"I remember you as the little 8 year old who would sit and watch our training sessions after school! I was so confused by you when I first arrived here, you know. I remember the first time Ale let you play a game with us and you were so good!" 

"Nobody doubted that you would be on this team one day!" A new voice entered the conversation.

"Marta!" I hugged the brunette closely. She was always one of my favourites. 

"I am proud of you, pequena putellas." 

Her words are familiar as I have heard them out of my mothers voice time and time again my whole life. But they seem foreign coming from Marta and it is an unwanted reminder of my sister. I don't know why - maybe it is because I have always associated this Barcelona team with her. I don't remember the last time she said she was proud of me. 

I don't remember the last time she said anything to me, really. 

"Gracias, Marta, I have missed you." I bury my head into her neck and she holds me closer. 

"You have not been around as much since you transferred to La Masia. I wanted to come and watch but Ale never extended an invitation and I didn't want to overstep." I shake my heads at her words and she frowns. 

"Alexia doesn't have time for my games, she hasn't for a while. It takes a lot to be La Reina." 

Marta's frown deepens at my words and the attention of a few spanish players is captured. I should have spoken quieter, I forgot how many people in here speak catalan. 

"It is ok, she is very supportive, but she just can't come to my games. She makes it up in other ways." I am lying through my teeth but Marta will never know. 

"I am sure, she must be very proud of you, being selected in this team for the first time, it is a big deal, you are very young."

All I can do is nod, my energy is all being put into holding back my own tears. I don't know if Mami told her. I don't know if Alexia even knows that I was selected. 

"Get changed now, I am sure Jona will want to talk to you before the session, especially with the game tomorrow."

I nod again as Marta pats me on the back and walk over to the cubby that says my name. It feels a bit surreal, really. 

I never really thought I would see my name on a Barcelona cubby, accompanied by my new number that I chose in the meeting a few days ago. It was always a dream, but I never thought it was achievable. Alexia always seemed like a superstar, a superhuman of sorts and I would never reach that kind of level. 

But here I am in the team that I always wanted to be in - in no way am I anywhere near my sisters level but I am on my way to being like her. I just wish she cared. I wish she was proud of me like Marta is. 

Her cubby sits across from me and I try to tear my eyes from it but it sits and stares right back at me. I feel like an intruder in Alexia's space, this is not for me, she would not want me to be here. 

I tie my laces quickly after that and head out onto the pitches to begin training. 

I have trained with the first team twice before, but the Barcelona Bs were always slightly seperate and we could keep our distance from the first players. Jonatan is a familiar face and I feel comfortable as he smiles and me and motions for me to follow the others to the gym. 

It is weird, being promoted within my own club. I am not so much a new signing, but a replacement - I am not good enough to be in the first team but they had no other options when Mapi injured herself. 

I used to worry that people would say I only get opportunities because my last name is Putellas. When my sister told me I was weak all those years ago, that idea sort of cemented in my head, I suppose. 

I never told my Mami what her daughter said to me because it would upset her. I told Alba half of it when she found me crying in my room a few days later but made her promise to not tell anyone. She couldn't say anything to Mami, Alexia, anyone at all because it would only make Alexia think I was weaker. 

She was furious and tried to tell me it was untrue but it had already been said. I believed Alexia's word more than anyone else. To me, she was a superhuman. 

But when I spoke to Jonatan a few days ago he made me feel like I was wanted within this squad. He made it clear that he wants me to integrate completely into the squad in the next few years and that he can see me playing soon even though I am only 15. 

I told him I didn't want anything special because of my surname. 

He told me that he chose me because of my first name. 

"Elena Putellas,"  he said with a grin, "you may be as good as her, but you are not your sister. This is a professional environment. As long as you perform, which I know you will, nobody will care what your name is."

It was a big boost to my confidence. 

Aitana Bonmati caught up to me quickly as I walked to the gym. 

"You are big now." I chuckled but did not look over, I didn't need to really. "But not that big. You are only 15, si?"

"Yes, I am 15." 

I met Aitana when she first joined the club. She always used to say that she would steal me and take me home with her because she thought I was adorable. It is strange that I am now sort of in the same team as her. 

She started playing for the first team when I was 8. I was older then, I played my own football and liked staying with Alexia so I could kick a ball around with her teammates when they were done. 

Aitana was one of the few who would stay every time I was there. When Alexia didn't want to wait she would drive me home herself, all the way to the other side of Barcelona. We would always stop for ice cream on the way home. 

"I have not seen you in too long, Lena. I have missed you a lot but you have been doing very well in the B team. I am very proud and I take credit for your abilities." She spoke in such a dead pan voice but it was somehow still filled with emotion. 

"I have missed you too, ABC." It was a nickname I gave her the first time she drove me home. I had been learning about the alphabet in English class and had the little song stuck in my head when she told me her full name. I used to sing her initials in the tune of the song but it quickly merged to me just saying the three letters. 

"I have been to a few of your games, you know?" 

I look at her in confusion, I have never seen her there. She just nods. 

"Alexia never invited any of us but she was never at the ones I went to so I would sit in the stands with a hat and glasses so people wouldn't recognise me, but I was there. I went to your La Masia games as well. You have become a phenomenal player, Lena."

She has always spoken with such sincerity. I have missed her a lot. 

"Maybe you can drop me off at home again tonight? I have missed you."

She chuckles and pulls me into a side hug. 

"I was waiting for you to ask, little Lena. Oh you are not so little any more!"

I chuckle as well and let my head fall onto her shoulder as we enter the gym. My eyes scan the room, looking at all of the players on their equipment, nerves quickly settling inside me. 

"Don't worry, it's all easy." Aitana seems to read my mind. "Just come with me and I will show you how to do everything. It will become second nature in the next few days."

The gym session went quickly as I was taught all the different exercises. I was familiar with most of them, having done a very similar program in the past with the B team. 

We went out onto the field to do some drills and I played well. Jonatan was impressed and so were the first players. My teammates? Maybe, not quite, I don't think. I still haven't been in a team list, so I suppose I'll be their teammate when that eventually happens. 

It wasn't until we reached the ice cream shop that Aitana started asking me all the awkward questions. I should have seen it coming. 

"Why do you never come to our games anymore, Lena?" I was very grateful for the scoops of gelato in my hands. Eating it delayed my response as I tried to come up with something to say. I shrug as I eat.

I can not say it is because I do not get along with Alexia. It is too hard for me to say now, even after all these years. 

"I'm not sure. I suppose I got busy with my own training and school. I have been to a few but I usually go home with Alba pretty quickly after they finish." It is only half a lie but she just shrugs, apparently not believing my words. 

"And why is it that I am driving you home from your first ever first team training? I thought Alexia would have wanted to." I anticipated a question like this but that does not mean I wanted her to actually ask it. 

"Alexia is busy." I hope that Aitana understands I don't want to talk about it. I haven't spoken about my broken relationship with my sister to anyone. I think she can sense something is wrong though, because she puts her spoon back into her ice cream and grabs my arm so I am staring right at her. 

"If you ever want to talk, I am right here, Lena. I know you don't like people knowing what is going on inside that crazy head of yours but it is good to release your feelings." 

She definitely knows something is wrong so I appreciate her not pushing. 

"I have outlets, I play football, I play the piano, I am ok, aitana, I really am." 

She eyed me as if to say she didn't believe me but dropped the topic anyway. 

"When did you get so good?"

chapter II

[somewhereincairparavel]

Alright. I came across someone saying that Rick "put Jason in a pedestal" and "overhyped" him by emphasizing how good looking he is and that Jason shouldn't have been so attractive looking. (Tbf tho that person made it sound like they seemed more mad bc their least favourite character was considered good looking lol) but I'll yap about the significance here anyways. Beware of a very long yapping session below.

I do understand their frustration though, because jason getting told that he looks good all the time makes it seem very shallow and unfair to the others.

And let me tell you, Jason is SUPPOSED to be gorgeous looking in everyone's eyes. He is supposed to be conventionally handsome, Rick didn't intend for his looks to be "beauty is in the eyes of the beholder " or something like Percy's (like how Piper didn't find him as impressive) Percy's is supposed to be more authentic. Percy's character isnt centred in people idolizing him, everyone can acknowledge that he's handsome looking, but it isn't in a "perfect" type of way, he's a carefree spirit and that reflects on his looks. While Jason is hardwired as this ethereal looking hero in people's eyes that not even ONE can deny that he looks good, bc ppl in Rome had set him as the "standard". Jason said this before in the lost hero, that him being a son of Jupiter, makes him feel like the support he gets is only because his dad is a very regal and intimidating figure.

That's kind of the whole point, he's supposed to look like this perfect man who can do no wrong. His "Golden noble boy" arc is literally the whole concept of his character. Why else do you think rick wrote Aphrodite approving of Jason's looks saying that he needed no improvement (which she rarely does) ?

Because Jason is supposed to be put like a statue to admire and idolize, that's ALSO why rick made sure to add that Jason looks like a Roman sculpture, bc that's like a metaphor for his inner conflicts. The guy was put like an artifact for people to ogle at in camp Jupiter ever since he was a kid of 4. That's part of the tragedy.

Annabeth said it perfectly “Annabeth tried to hide it, but she still didn’t completely trust the guy. He acted too perfect - always following the rules, always doing the honorable thing. He even looked too perfect. In the back of her mind, she had a nagging thought. What if this is a trick and he betrayed us?” Mark of Athena, page 6.

His mother, whom he's supposed to look like, is also a literal world wide tv actress. So you can't expect anything less either.

Also, Jason is supposed to mirror Percy. And let's be real. Rick put Percy in a VERY high pedestal looks wise, aswell, Not just Jason. And that's okay.

Rick made Hazel mistake Percy for a literal god because he was just that good looking (tbf, in a way, when I was younger, I found this to be a little bit of an exaggeration, bro was covered in mud and seaweed and was compared to a god, it was rlly funny to a 10 year old me 😭 yeah but don't mind this though, this was just a younger me jealous that I couldn't be as pretty as Percy was in mud lol) If Percy can be "hyped" up so "unrealistically" in that particular situation then so can Jason. They are both literal half gods, so unrealistic praise is very normal) and rick also made sure to emphasize that almost all the teen characters had a crush on Percy. So apparently that isn't called putting a character in a pedestal but Jason's is? They are BOTH put in pedestals, because they're both heroes.

Jason and Percy are supposed to be equals, so both of them being in the top two when it comes to looks makes SENSE. Because people are supposed to argue about who is better looking, since they're written as foils.

You cannot expect rick to make Percy look like a god and Jason look like a rat 😭 then there's no point of having them as parallels if one has the upper hand in something. Rick did a good job by conveying that they are BOTH attractive, but in different ways. That's why the Percy/Jason looks debate always have mixed answers.

Jason getting complimented by Aphrodite, the GODDESS of beauty, for his looks and her saying that he didn't have anything to "fix" in his face BC it already looks gorgeous = Percy getting compared to a gorgeous Roman god by hazel. They are both equal comparisons in slightly different tones.

[hwnglx]

omg i really loved mingyu’s reputation reading! can you do one for blackpink’s jennie? thank you

jennie's reputation among idols

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

male idols wo, quow, 8oc, 10oc+mo, 6op, de, 5op, kiosw

so, getting the world card first is interesting. there is this image of “perfection” she seems to radiate in male idols' eyes. i'm getting this perfect girlfriend material, someone who has it all. a lot of male idols project their own fantasies of what they'd want their girlfriend to be onto her, and can often put her on a pedestal. it's giving a celebrity among idols.

jennie definitely has a strong and powerful presence to many of them, some think it's desirable and attractive, some are one hundred percent intimidated and feel threatened by her success. i said this before in my wonyoung reading, but so many male idols are taken aback when they see a woman going places career-wise, they're still dumbfounded. it rubs them the wrong way, they just don't feel like it's right or that it should be that way. many still carry this engraved belief that women just aren't supposed to overtake men. it feels like an eyesore to them.

although an undeniable level of intimidation is present for most of them, many male idols seem to look at jennie as someone who feels out of place within the kpop industry. this was more of a thing in the past, but they believed she's way too emotional, and is way too much of an easy target. male idols think that jennie was searching for a level of emotional fulfilment in a place that wasn't gonna give her that. they think she didn't fit into a world that's almost exclusively focused on material success and financial gain. i can see this image of her as someone who's way too easily fooled, way too naive. in the industry, there was the reputation of her being someone who just gives gives and gives people everything they want, until she reached this breaking point of “fuck, i'm actually empty inside.” for many male idols, there doesn't seem to be a sense of feeling bad for her. most of them just think it was stupid of her to fall into traps, and allow herself to get used so much, in an industry that is selfish and corrupt and views women as objects beneficial for their own gain.

there is however, an awareness of jennie having become much more tough and hard to approach, after she realized her generous nature was being exploited. she's put her guard up, became much more rational, because she needed to be, and even became a person capable of swiftly manipulating you rather than being manipulated. many male idols think she grew herself a necessary backbone. i can see they probably still talk a lot behind her back, but wouldn't actually muster up the courage to just go up to her anymore.

female idols 2ow&3ow, 3osw, 8osw, kiosw, acosw, 9op, 2osw, knop

female idols think jennie is someone very universally likable and profitable. they think she's an idol who made progress by moving into different directions career-wise, not just remaining stuck in the kpop world. i can feel many being quite envious of her being such a recognisable figure in the entertainment industry in general, and being able to branch out into places they themselves would love to expand to.

there's a common theme, female idols also recognise jennie's more sensitive and vulnerable nature. they believe she used to be someone who got taken advantage of and ran over by people too much. a lot of them think she couldn't find comfort in the kpop industry, and kept feeling trapped because of the restrictive and harsh nature of it. like she kept being forced to stay within this box, when she didn't always agree with the rules that were forced upon her. there's this feeling of suffocation, looking around and not feeling you belong here.

female idols believe that once jennie matured and got a better understanding of how to deal with people in the industry, is when she started blossoming into a more content version of herself. she started being more courageous about stating her opinion and standing by it firmly, being more outspoken about when things aren't according to her liking.

there is a sense of jealousy surrounding the fact that, she even had the chance to develop into more of her “own boss”. a lot of them envy the fact that she's able to be so independent now, and can live her career according to her own rulebook. many of them wish they could have the freedom she's been able to earn. they think she's an idol who's very much in her own world, and only dips her foot into waters when she wishes to. she goes at her own pace, and can allow herself to slow down because of her financial security and the more bearable system she's been able to build for herself. i can hear “you've been able to do what i wish i could.”

note; throughout the entirety of this reading, i kept hearing “scapegoat”, and couldn't fully figure out what that meant. (english is my third language so i didn't even know the word's definition lol) i do think, that many idols see jennie as the member who took everything on the chin. meaning, the public let a lot of their need to hate, their anger or their frustration with blackpink, out on jennie because she was an easy target.

[aqours]

"Aqua has an Oedipus complex-" first of all beyond the fact the only way you could possibly think this is you never read or watched OnK at all and just read a synopsis and didn't bother to verify if it was accurate or not- this is actually the weakest way you could possibly interpret the nature of the feelings Goro/Aqua had regarding Ai. like, even ignoring the fact that Aqua has such an extreme lack of an Oedipus complex to the point he actively refused to breastfeed from Ai because it would have been creepy and inappropriate to him, everything about Aqua's feelings regarding Ai if anything read as parental quite frankly

Gorou Amamiya became Ai's fan because of Sarina. Because Sarina was somebody important to Gorou that he comforted in her last days, he became a huge fan of Ai in order to carry on Sarina's wishes and to keep supporting her and became a genuine diehard idol fan in the process. Then, he met Ai while pregnant: and had a heart-to-heart conversation with her. And came to the conclusion that Ai was somebody he wanted to support in any capacity. He could have been like Ryousuke and actually become possessive of her and feel like she betrayed him: he did not. He was a medical professional that put aside his own feelings as "a fan" to support her both as a doctor and as a fan in his own way by wishing for her sincere happiness as opposed to an image sold to fans.

He wanted to see her grow up happy and healthy. If Ryousuke had not killed him and there was no murder plot at all? The plot of this story probably would have been about him moving to Tokyo after talking to Ai's manager saying that someone needs to be their family doctor while keeping their secret and him taking the roll. The series would have been about Gorou as the Hoshino family doctor and how he supports them as a member of the sidelines who gives support in his own way.

Aqua never really refers to Ai as his mother much outside of situations when it'd be weirder if he didn't. It's very explicit he does not have a romantic or sexual attraction to Ai in this new life: he already didn't, but now it's like, Negatively So Actually. No longer able to support her as a doctor he even took an acting gig JUST to help further and bolster Ai's career. It's beaten into your face with the subtlety of a dozen hammers to your face his only desire is to watch Ai grow up safe and happily and succesful.

Aqua's/Gorou's relationship with Ai was someone who wanted to see her grow up to be happy. And after some waste of life incel murdered her? To want to make sure that was avenged. Because he was someone older than Ai who valued her and wanted her happiness above everything else in the world, and views the person who is responsible for that as someone who's life is forfeit. Because Ai was a good person who didn't deserve her fate and as someone who only ever wanted to support her, wants to make sure that her memory can rest in peace completely.

If anything, the feelings Aqua/Gorou had towards Ai are parental in nature. So much about his motivations read like a father who wants to avenge his daughter's murder, to kill the man that denied her the happiness the child deserved.

"OnK is soooooooo gross the mc has an Oedipus complex and is a p*do-" not only is this a reading you can only get from a five second sypnosis read and being determined to hate OnK for brownie points, it's not even the right fucked up dead dove way that you could describe their relationship.

EDIT: I feel the need to address this, as it's talked in reblogs and some notes! I never expected this to get notes, and I mostly wrote this in one go. Please understand I wrote this post from the perspective of purely writing Aqua's feelings for Ai purely from a familial perspective. The reality is that Aqua's feelings are complicated and can be read in many different ways: from familial, to that of a lover, to someone who puts Ai on a pedestal as the ultimate Idol and the ideal of what a "true" fan would be: someone who loves their Idol for who she is as opposed to a toxic image. I don't fully 100% agree with this post anymore, but if I had to chose only one familial way for Aqua to view Ai I would probably still default to "vengeful father who wants to avenge his daughter's death." BUT Aqua's feelings are ultra complicated and are on an entire spectrum ranging from "wholesome" to "outright disturbing," so please don't take my words as like a single sure-fire way to interpret him! ty all <3

[once-upon-a-january]

I’m not in the habit of fighting people on Tumblr, but as someone who has suffered through abuse myself, I am very angry right now, and I need to express my feelings.

A tumblr user by the name of @jaesama recently made a post condemning people for being petty about Liam Payne and bullying him, claiming that these individuals are responsible for his death and should all feel ashamed.

I reblogged the post stating that I agreed with her sentiments on pettiness, but called out the abuse-enablement going on in the reblogs and tags of her post.

Her response? She blocked me.

Out of curiosity, I glanced at her blog through Safari where I am not logged in, and it didn’t take me long to find posts of her spewing disdain and vitriol against Maya Henry, Liam’s alleged victim. Disappointing, but not surprising.

This is what I mean when I say that I detest stan/superfan culture and the parasocial relationships that many of you have developed with various celebrities. How can you be so blinded by your love for a person that you don’t actually know personally, that you refuse to believe victims, go on to happily participate in misogyny, and treat women brave enough to go public with their truth like their your nemesis, all on the behalf of a man who isn’t even aware of your existence?

If what happened to Maya Henry is true, what would you guys have preferred: for her to suffer in silence? For her to watch as the man who psychologically and emotionally scarred continues to be celebrated as a sweet angel who could do no wrong, when it reality, that might not have been true? For her to never get justice so that you could ignorantly maintain a false perception and image of the celebrity with whom you share a parasocial relationship?

It’s my understanding that Liam Payne suffered from an addiction, and for that, I empathize with him. I also empathize for his young son who will now grow up without a father, and for his loved ones who wanted better for him. I also empathize for the fans for whom One Direction was an important part of their lives.

But you know who I don’t empathize with? People like @jaesama, who believe that idolizing a celebrity who potentially hurt someone is far more important than his victims receiving empathetic consideration and an opportunity for justice (with the assumption that their claims are true).

And no matter what any of you have to say. I believe victims first, always. No celebrity on this earth, no matter how handsome and sweet, will ever put so high on a pedestal by me that I refuse to show compassion to the people potentially hurt by them.

May Liam’s loved ones receive the comfort and solace they need at this time, and if it is truth that Liam Payne abused Maya and/or any other people, may those potential victims receive justice.

And a massive fuck you to any of you who believe in enabling abuse/supporting harassment against anyone brave enough to come forward. All of you always claim that it’s done for clout, but I dare you to name one thing that Maya Henry has actually ‘benefited’ from this situation, aside from you all making her life a living hell. May social justice make so much progress that we no longer treat potential victims this way, and that people like all of you lack the courage to speak your god-awful misogynistic opinions.

Shame on all of you.

[keehllo]

MiziTill and IvanTill analysis.

— First, understand Mizi, Till, and Ivan’s character.

Mizi’s guardian must’ve contributed to her naivety as arts of her with her guardian seemed sweeter than Till and Ivan’s interactions with aliens. Till was constantly thrown around and treated like garbage as his guardian ENJOYS TORTURE. Ivan is also treated horrible which contributes to his pessimistic personality compared to Mizi.

Mizi had something Ivan didn’t: Optimism. That’s most likely why Ivan didn’t hate Mizi when it was obvious Till has an infatuation with her. “When she smiled at me, my heart was reborn” which is obvious, Mizi’s brightness attracts people and which is why she’s able to make friends very easily. Ivan knew Till needed that, one of his ways of wanting to make Till as happy as Mizi does is by telling him how horrible Alien Stage is and wanting to run away with him.

I forgot which animatic but it’s shown that Ivan never had a red dot in his pupils until he saw Till. That must’ve been his sign of attraction. This same red dot is seen in Till’s eyes as he runs away with Ivan, he’s happy — until he thinks of Mizi. He remembers Mizi and thinks of what horrible things they’ll do to her if he leaves. The red dot disappears in Till’s eyes.

— Second, Till’s struggle with attachment.

Till clearly struggles with attachment as seen with Ivan, which is confirmed by VIVINOS on her Patreon, saying: “Till has a deep love-hate attachment with Ivan” which is one of the evidences that Till actually struggles so much with how to react when someone shows care for him.

What makes Ivan’s care different from Mizi’s though? Why couldn’t he accept Ivan’s but he could accept Mizi’s?

Ivan was close to him. He was always around him and even if they did fight, they would still hangout. While with Mizi, Till failed to even build a relationship with her. Evidence being Mizi’s intimacy score with Till: “He’s so distant… does he hate me?” And this is because that outside of rebelling, Till writes songs. It’s most likely a coping mechanism for him to vent his feelings. You can see in one of the animations as Till is writing something, Ivan is right next to him. This can be used as a symbol of their closeness. Even if Mizi wasn’t there, Ivan was.

Because of Till’s struggle with healthy attachment, he couldn’t react properly when someone genuinely built a bond with him, but he could with someone who barely hangs out with him.

This is a sign of avoidant attachment. Till’s struggle in how he can show love. After all, how can someone who has never been shown love by his own guardian give love? He was never even taught what actual love is.

— Third, difference between idolization and crushes.

According to VIVINOS on her Patreon she claims that Mizi is a “fantastical figure” to Till. As stated before, they barely interacted as Till was almost always in his own world (rebelling or writing music). Even though Till knows and speaks to Mizi, they don’t even have a bond anywhere close to how Till is with Ivan.

When you don’t build a bond with someone, you only perceive them as a figure. There’s very little to perceive about them when you aren’t close with them. This is how Mizi’s naivety and brightness comes into play, she was everything that Till isn’t. She isn’t a pessimistic, traumatized jerk who hits his own friend (Ivan) just because he gets frustrated with them.

Because of his trauma, he wanted to feel that too. Till put Mizi on a pedestal. This is IDOLIZATION. It’s a way to cope, a form of escapism from his harsh reality.

How can I be so sure it’s that? You can see it in Round 6. Mizi, already going through Round 1, is traumatized. She’s seen the worst. In Till’s flashback, she pictures Mizi in her Anakt Uniform when she was still innocent.

Conclusion: Till does love Ivan, but because of his attachment issues, he didn’t acknowledge that.

[omegastation]

Once saw someone describe ME as copaganda and honestly... I feel like that's a 100% accurate statement. It honestly dampens my enjoyment of the saga. Genie is out of the bottle, as they say.

Open contempt for civilian agencies, check. Repeated instances where they present fascism as a Good Thing Actually, check. Cops and military almost unilaterally depicted as correct and just, check. Ones like Harkun are treated as merely bad apples and hand-waved away whereas any and all politicians are treated as incompetent at best or outright corrupt/malevolent at worst. Not to mention the whole thing with Khalisah al-Jilani.

Idk. It all just feels so dim-witted and mean-spirited.

There are a lot of good things that make me love it with all my heart, and things that are not so good. I try to do my best to acknowledge the bad stuff and remain critical. So yeah, I do agree that some elements of the trilogy should be analyzed closely because it's kinda fucked-up.

Genie is out of the bottle, I find that the expression explains a lot. Because Mass Effect is a product of its time and place, and /insert the speech from LOTR/ the world has changed. I don't mean to say that it was never this bad, because I think it was, but we now are getting images, videos and live updates all the time showing us exactly how bad it is. We see so much suffering and injustice. And it's us "outside". Some are inside, and they're the ones showing us how bad it is. So... It's harder to see specific themes, stories and characters that are unchallenged. It's harder to see injustice being portrayed, even if the content doesn't always condone it.

I also think we are more critical in general. We are, unfortunately, used to specific issues so it's easier to recognize when they appear in fiction. I can really see that in the way people talk about specific characters. People idolize less, and I honestly think that's an improvement, because idolatry, at least how I see it, is not about seeing characters or stories as they are, but putting them on a pedestal. Characters are complex and flawed, and that's what makes them interesting. Real growth happens when characters change and adapt and rethink their position. Sometimes it means they have to look inside themselves and see the ugliness, and that means we get to see the ugly too. Not only that, but we can also contemplate what is ugly inside us, and see what we can do to change and grow. But not so long ago, before my hiatus, it was really hard to step away from "this character is a god" or "this character is flawless and if you don't see it you're not a fan" and "no no i can't see this issue at all, doesn't exist, lalalala" talk. Now it's harder for people not to see the issue. But the issue was always there.

You talked about Khalisah. I saw a meme on FB recently that says that if we can't hit someone like Khalisah in the new Mass Effect, we shouldn't bother playing it, which to me is 1. disturbing, 2. missing the fact that wars need journalists and reporters, even someone like Khalisah who is not always playing fair. I don't understand the option to hit her. I've ranted about it enough here. If you don't hit her, you get to encourage her and reassure her. It's obvious she's falling apart and she needs to be reassured. One of my favorite quotes in the game is what Shepard tells her: "Keep asking the hard questions." That's what is needed in a time of war. And sure, this one beautiful interaction and line won't take away the fact that some choices can feel mean-spirited but to me, it means it's not black & white. I see the ugliness, I do, but I also see the beauty.

IDK where I'm going with this. I guess that Mass Effect was never flawless and unproblematic, and in a way, I think it's a good thing that issues are seen and we can have a critical look at the worst parts of the trilogy.

But what is very specific to you, anon, is what you can tolerate, appreciate or enjoy. Some parts of the trilogy make me sad and or angry but it doesn't stop me from really enjoying the whole. If you find that you don't get to enjoy it anymore, because too many elements make it difficult to appreciate and it's now a real dislike, don't forget that you can step away. I'm not telling you that you have to do it. You can do what you want, but don't forget that you don't have to force yourself to love something. It's okay to move away from things because you now find them disappointing.

[urmadiik]

Unpopular opinion but..Gypsy Rose is not an influencer, why are we idolizing a survivor of mental and physical abuse? Y’all put her on this strange pedestal like she’s the next it girl. Now don’t get me wrong, shes very courageous and brave for what she did. But you guys are WORSHIPING her like she’s this superstar. And ik what y’all are gonna do too, in like 2 months she's NOBODY is even gonna mention the girl like y'all do to all these other people you make famous for a week or so and then ditch them eventually. She's gonna say/do something that y'all don't like and y'all are gonna switch up bc she's not used to this. And for Bratz to literally come out with a doll of her face is just insane to me. IN CONCLUSION, Gypsy isntna trend she's a person and I personally don’t think built for this whole thing, especially since she JUST got out of prison and JUST now interacting with society after years. Idk tho, lemme know what u think

[vivaciousoceans]

I just want to say thank you for your defense of Amanda Rollins. I feel like the fandom idolizes Benson so much that they forget how morally dubious she's been in the past (and how shitty she's been especially to Amanda) and constantly wants to put her on a pedestal and completely ignore the HUGE character development Amanda has gone through, like do I agree with the stuff Amanda has done no she's done some really messed up things but can I appreciate how flawed her character is and can sympathize with her situation and can appreciate the work she's put in to become a better person Yes. Anyways #amandarollinsrules

I just think it’s ironic for people to be fans of a show centered around sexual assault, primarily women who experience sexual assault, and then hate a woman character who displays symptoms from rape trauma syndrome. Her victim blaming, hypersexuality, addiction issues, issues with authority, could not only be linked to what P*tton did to her, but also her childhood. She grew up in an unstable home with an unstable mother and basically absent father. She had raise Kim, she put her body, her life on the line for her little sister. Amanda caught no breaks, and then she works her way to detective. She’s assaulted by her CO, and then she transfers to New York, where she gets to work with the deified Olivia Benson, who treats her like shit.

Like if we truly want to talk about victim blaming we need to address the fact that any time a mother is less than perfect, an alcoholic, or just “not good enough” in Olivia’s eyes, her blinders turn on. She was willing to believe her mother lied about being raped when she found out her father had kept up with her. If we want to talk about racism, then we need address the way Olivia (and pretty much every other character except maybe Carisi) is willing to weaponize ICE to make a case. Olivia isn’t this infallible character, and yet the narrative treats her like one. At one point there were back to back episodes, where she was guzzling wine like a horse in a desert.

Amanda has addressed her traumas, she has grown into a woman im damn proud of despite her flaws. She’s giving her babies a stable home, with an amazing man who has basically been their father since they were born. In a way, Olivia hasn’t addressed her traumas in the same way, and she is actively becoming a worse person.

Also we need to address how only the women (in which there’s only ever been 2-3 women at one time apart of the main cast) get criticism. Elliot Stabler is a disaster of a character, racist, homophobic, transphobic, misogynistic. Fin has been very misogynistic and victim blames quite a bit. Sonny, my baby boy, he has his blinders in some aspects. Rafael, my husband, he thinks about politics too much sometimes, and I understand his job isn’t just to be Olivia Benson’s lackey, but he should be fighting for true justice.

Anyways #hotgirlmandaforthewin #aintnobodyworriedaboutthebitterbitchlinkup #juciestpeachingeorgia

[showtoonzfan]

Okay,guys. What do you think of fionapollos recent video?

Ganna be straight to the point, I didn’t like it. This is ganna be a long post so if y’all love reading, feel free to but I’m warning y’all now. Of course, what I’m going to say are my opinions only. This is coming from a person who actually follows Fionapollos, I love listening to her art commentary vids and I hope she keeps up the good work! But for this recent video specifically? I don’t think it was good. Not to say that Fionapollos didn’t handle this well for the most part, she’s always respectful and open minded and I’m glad for that, but the structure and overall execution of the video was poorly handled.

Outside of being an inspiring animator and a help to spread awareness of how incredible indie animation is, I have no respect for Vivziepop, but that doesn’t mean I want to be biased or one sided. There were only two sections of this video I agreed with, it’s in three segments. The first segment was about Erin Frost and the evidence they had provided, and like me and some have been saying, the evidence just wasn’t strong enough to indicate a really toxic environment, especially since what Erin had provided was screenshots of her being on good terms with Jane and Sam. I never really saw an issue with Jane deciding to move the assignment to someone else since Erin was struggling, because like Fionapollos said, people in this business just want to get stuff done and if someone can’t do it, they have to take measures where someone else can.

Now maybe this wasn’t mentioned because there isn’t really evidence to support it, (it’s just a statement) but we do know that according to Ashley Nicholas, Viv had talked behind Erin’s back, calling her too mentally unstable to work. I personally believe that there was a lot of gossip provided by Viv and/or Jane and Sam regarding Erin, they’ve all shown to be shady before so I just wouldn’t be surprised if this were true, however let’s move on. Other parts of the video I agree on were Fionapollos simply just being fair. She stated that the fake document is damaging to indie companies and studios, and how her audience has the right to feel the way they feel, but outside of that there wasn’t anything specific that I agreed on outside of the Erin stuff. Her closing thoughts were nice as usual, but I’ll move on to the actual issues I had with the video.

If I had to speak in general, I feel like Fionapollos just didn’t have enough evidence, cause this video is basically a rehash of what her last one was, where she didn’t have enough evidence back then, only this time in her personal opinion, Viv is just a flawed non-perfect person who makes mistakes and needs to stop being put up on a pedestal and idolized as someone who is perfect….something I drastically disagree with but I’ll get into more of that later. When I say that she doesn’t have enough evidence, what I mean is that the stuff that she looked at is only the FROSTING of the iceberg pointing to Viv being a narcissist who mistreats her employees. Like I said there’s only three sections, and the only section where she actually looks at evidence against Spindle is Erin’s section and the document, something that was obviously fake and I’ve already shared how I dislike it when people pay more attention to the fake/troll side of things rather than the real actual evidence. I was shocked/bothered to see that KenDraws’s document isn’t even mentioned here, since the topic of this vid is how Viv/Spindle treats her employees and that document could have been a MASSIVE factor in evidence pointing towards the mistreatment being legit in some areas. Instead, the majority of this vid is very empty and lacks something that you could make a case out of. Of course she was going to go with the “I just think Vivziepop is flawed”- route, because she doesn’t have the same knowledge of evidence and drama that Viv has been through, wether that be in the past few months or past 2 years. It’s just clear that she so far has only seen a few bits and pieces of evidence but not the mass amount pointing to Viv being a problematic childish person. And I get it, she’s not like others where she constantly follows every single move Viv makes or constantly checks her status online, but if you’re going to make a video like this, you should be more informed.

The middle part of the video is the worst. It’s dedicated to talking about the fake document and AnimationCallout, (which this section of the video doesn’t do much, it’s just panting Spindle in a victimizing light) and she also dismisses the transphobic allegations by saying it was included in the false document so it makes her question if that is true as well (despite the fact that the screenshot of Viv’s discord messages had been floating around awhile before the document). The biggest part that made me roll my eyes is where she mentions Viv’s old weird art, indicating that she assumes people spite her all because of old shit she did years and years ago, which if you know me is another thing I hate the people bring up regarding Viv’s controversies. Her old art is irrelevant. This entire middle section felt irrelevant because the topic is about Spindle mistreating their employees so I don’t know why she felt the need to bring that up as well as how fake documents affect animation studios but that’s just me.

There’s also things that weren’t mentioned that bother me. Like I said KenDraws document wasn’t mentioned, but there’s more. The most obvious is that Erin ain’t the only member who left Spindle. For a video about Spindlehorse mistreating their employees, there’s no mention of anyone else, or people who claimed to be mistreated. KenDraws, Ashley Nicholas, Salem Squidder, Nicolas Jordan, Jane Walker, the list goes on. This is evidence that there’s definitely more going than just “Viv is flawed”. You can only use that excuse so long, as more and more people who were close or her or worked on her stuff left.

I also feel like it’s a glaring issue that Spindlehorse/Viv never acknowledge their mistakes or even confront their controversies. Name one time Spindle came out and made an official statement on the allegations or drama. Zero. They always let the fire burn, hide behind the fanbase, and wait for the waters to cool before moving on and pretending nothing ever happened, only speaking up if someone dare call Viv problematic. They silence any ex member and never take accountability, and it’s something the public has yet to acknowledge, no one ever acknowledges this shit and I’m so tired of it. This is why I never agree with anyone who tries to paint them in a victimizing light filled with people who are “just trying to get by” when there’s no evidence that leaves me to believe that’s true, especially when they’re too cowardly to even confront something or make a fucking statement. Doesn’t help that they always ignore allegations against Viv or just shut the other side down by simply saying “she was nice to me end of story”. How are we supposed to believe that these people are genuine who don’t want to hurt anyone if they aren’t saying anything? How are we supposed to believe Viv is just an imperfect person if she NEVER acknowledges her faults and keeps making the same mistakes over and over again?

I truly believe that Fionapollos had good intentions, but I’m really tired of folks just dismissing Viv or the shady stuff that’s been going on at spindle with just “they’re imperfect stop putting them up on a pedestal”. Like I said there’s plenty of evidence pointing to the people at Spindle lacking self awareness and Viv being an abuser who blacklists people and talks behind other’s backs, so this vid just didn’t do any justice. She just doesn’t know the half of it. Sorry.

[penultimate-step]

Oshi no Ko 143 Reaction

This was a fun chapter. Ruby getting aggressive finally forcing Aqua to stop ignoring the problems in their relationship that have been simmering for 20 chaps now and actually have a conversation that puts it all out in the open. They're mostly saying stuff I predicted in advance, but some of it took me by surprise.

One bit that made me stand up and !!! was this page:

I thought I was doing something interesting when I compared Ruby's feelings towards Gorou to Aqua's feelings about Ai in my last two analyses but she just came out and said it directly on page, haha. I feel pretty validated.

I still stand behind most of what I wrote last week after this chapter. Ruby is desperately trying to make this a romance, but her best pitch is "I care about you in the same way we cared about idols in our past lives. Parasocially and without regard for the actual person, because I need to put somebody on an idealized pedestal or else I'll kill myself. This is what romance is, right?" Girl with so so so many issues, I love her.

The one thing that did really take me by surprise was the bit where she listed off Aqua's flaws as a person. In the past I assumed that Ruby was intentionally ignoring these flaws and making up a version of Aqua that didn't exist in her head. The way in her mind he's drawn like a romance hero and how she makes excuses for all the things she took issue with before lead me to believe she was intentionally distancing "Gorou, her idol" from "Aqua, the person, her brother" in her head. I'm not sure how to square this knowledge with the way she is (textually, now!) putting him on a pedestal. If I had to guess, I would think she actually is aware of who Aqua is as a person - she was friends with him as Gorou before and siblings for 18 years, she should know him better than anybody - but is intentionally separating this knowledge from the figure she is idolizing, because she needs to keep ahold of something for her mental stability.

I'm reminded of an analysis post of OnK ep 1 I read on tumblr almost a year ago, I forget who posted it so I can't properly credit it but it's not my own thoughts. (if anybody else remembers it please let me know so I can link it!) They contrasted Gorou's parasocial fan relationship with Ai to Ryosuke, the stalker who killed him: both put were fans of Ai, the Idol, but when confronted with the reality that she was more than an idol, that she had relationships and would have children, Gorou decided that the health and happiness of Ai the person was more important than his image of Ai the Idol, and did his best as a doctor to help her, while Ryosuke's reaction to having his image of the Idol shattered was to try and destroy Ai the person. The analysis put forth the idea that this was contrasting healthy vs unhealthy methods of being a fan - that there's nothing wrong with being a fan of someone, necessarily, but you have to keep in mind that you aren't entitled to anything about them, and there's always a real person underneath the performance.

I didn't fully agree with it - in my post about how the series portrays different kinds of love I talked about how it came down very harshly on dishonest and idolizing love - but I did think it was very interesting (obviously as I still remember it almost a year later). Anyway Ruby's approach to Aqua this chapter made me think of that a lot. She makes a big deal out of how Aqua is her idol, their relationship is idol/fan, and she can ignore all his flaws - but at the same time she points out that she does actually know what those flaws are. It puts her in something of a strange position. What would she do if her image of The Doctor, Her Idol, no longer existed, and she was left with just Aqua? Would she care for the person, or be mad at losing the illusion? According to this chapter she fits into neither of those, she chooses to pretend that the illusion still exists even while staring directly at the reality. Ruby seems aware that she is essentially using the idea of the doctor as a coping mechanism, but doesn't want to admit that this desire is directly in tension with the idea about caring about Aqua as a person, romantically or otherwise.

As for Aqua, it's great that he's finally being a little honest with his emotions and feelings after so long, to the one person who is really able to understand the context.

However, I think he's still holding a lot back, especially in the latter half of the chapter, because there are things he doesn't feel that he can say to Ruby, specifically about their relationship. He seems hesitant to directly tell Ruby that he can't be her lover or her idol, he can only be himself - even when he tries to tell her that he can't be the person he was she just brushes it off - and I think with how Ruby's mental health is holding on by a thread he is unwilling to do anything to jeopardize it, even if it means accepting the spot on her pedestal.

My read of the relationship between Gorou and Sarina 22 years ago was that they were genuine friends at the time. Regardless of difference in age and position they were both socially isolated people who found one person they felt they could be honest and open with. This makes their current relationship even sadder - Ruby has twisted the memory of their old friendship into dreams of romance and idolatry to fuel the desire to live one more day. Aqua, who in his last life would have been willing to do almost anything to get her to keep living, is forced to cut away his own relationship to her, both last life friend and current life brother, because being dishonest - being an idol - is the only way he can see to keep her alive and healthy. Both have already cut away most of their other bonds for the sake of the revenge plan, and now they can't even be fully honest with each other. Very tragic stuff.

All in all I really really liked this chapter. The interactions between Ruby and Aqua has always been multiple layers of relationships and mindsets existing on top of one another, and that just makes it super interesting for me. I love it whenever that leads to character tension. They've been friends and siblings and idols and all of that has to coexist, its a very unique kind of character writing that Oshi no Ko does well and I don't see very often and makes me care for the series a lot. I think I have a much more positive view of this arc than most of the fandom because the trainwreck of their relationship is one of the series highlights to me, so chapters like this, where exactly how bad their mindsets have gotten are placed as the main focus, are some of my favorite story beats.

I know there's a lot of negativity about this chap but I'm having a good time over here in my corner. Not sure if it's because I've been letting my thoughts about the series out in posts a lot more recently or because I liked this specific chapter a lot but this is definitely most I've been invested in the series for a while now. I think I was letting the Discourse kind of sour things for me and now I have mentally exorcised it from my mind.

[hwnglx]

did jk and sana ever date?

jungkook + sana

based on tarot. i do not know these idols personally. energies are always changing. what i say is NOT straight fact. pls take it with a grain of salt!

did they date? hie, kioc yes, they did. however, there was a struggle of finding the necessary balance between both their careers and the emotional connection they had. this seemed to have happened during a time in which they both were at a very significant point in their careers, like a peak of some sort, so there was this dilemma of.. how do i make sure i nurture this connection i truly care about, without neglecting the importance of my work. there could've been several times where that caused a conflict between the two.

the hierophant for this question keeps rubbing me the wrong way though. it really doesn't read as romantic in this case (or rarely at all tbh). there's almost this vibe of; the connection we have, as sweet as it is, feels like it doesn't align with what we should be doing right now. i keep hearing external voices and opinions also playing an important factor in making them question their relationship.

how does jungkook feel towards sana? 7op, knop, 8oc, queop&acosw, cha, 9osw

oh boy. when i tell you, he definitely liked her a lot. see, jungkook is the type to feel with his head. (makes sense with that sun conjunct mercury in virgo) he's someone more practical who tends to internalize his feelings and really overthink every detail in his relationships. especially when he was younger, and this definitely happened when he was much more immature, there was this desperate thought of always wanting to do everything right in his romantic connections, which made him overly cautious and hesitant, being unable to open up and express his emotions in a clear manner. he was just in his head all the time. the knight of pentacles is effective and committed, but quite slow in his approach. very nice if you want more of a slow burn in love, however this clashed with sana's desires in this connection.

he didn't bring much passion into the relationship because he was worried to mess things up or turn her off. especially because he adored her, really put her on a pedestal. he thought sana was someone very nurturing, who put a lot of importance into taking care of the people she cherishes, huge potential to be an amazing wife and mother. he also saw her as a person who's witty and smart, but also very driven and determined in her goals, especially financially. i keep getting this feeling jungkook had a bit of an inferiority complex, like i just see him feeling kinda small next to her. i can tell he might hold on to some grudges and resentment to this day. he truly doesn't like the way things ended.

how does sana feel towards jungkook? paow, 4ow, 4oc, kiop, stre

not the awkward page of wands coming out immediately. honestly, sana saw him as a bit of a lost child. (i really can't express it in any other words, i just keep hearing manchild) although i can see them having a playful bond that was exciting and fun at first, she thought his insecurities stood in the way of them forming a stable and happy bond. she wanted a mature and headstrong guy, who knows exactly what he wants and brings fire into the relationship, yet instead dealt with a boyfriend who was very interested, but often walked on eggshells and tried too hard to please her.. like a yes-man. always saying the right thing at the right time, doing everything exactly the way she wants. (very venus in libra) for some people that can get boring after some time. like please disagree with me for once! she has her venus in sag and 🔥 venus' often desire drama in love. they can't stand when things get too boring and stale.

she definitely did like him and i can tell she truly cared (and cares) about him still but i can't lie, i don't see much of an emotional connection on her part. it was a young and cute but more dissatisfying relationship for her.

[demphix]

HI can you talk more about the Charif and Ralsei dynamic ,,

Hi. Parallels of eachother that despise the fact they're parallels. And also vaguely siblings

I haven't put these into coherent thoughts this may just be a mess of words we'll see

Ralsei is the horned headband in this take and stemmed from a manifestation of Kris's desire to be like their family. The resemblance to the boss monsters, the similarities to Asriel and Toriel (not as many for Asgore yet I realize), ect.. (A good chunk of his identity issues probably stem from that, he's tied to an object representing the identity crisis of someone else. He doesn't know what being Ralsei-like is because he's been so caught up in his purpose and meaning as an "object" he hasn't let himself grow into his own person yet).

Charif is supposed to reflect Kris's dynamic with their family, just a more extreme version of it. (She'd be Kris, Kris and Ralsei would be the idolization and envy of Asriel respectively, Vesper would be Toriel, and there is no Asgore equivalent in her life. Nobody outside of Vesper and the idea of the Dreemurrs she's close to).

They're different parts of Kris's family. The want to be like them, and the distance from them either emotionally or literally.

On top of that, the ways they both parallel Asriel/Flowey. Ralsei on the surface obviously has the name, the prince title, the "culmination of your being" quote, but there's much more interesting stuff than that. For example, I could see his want to be perfect as a reflection of how Asriel is put on a pedestal in both Undertale (as the prince and future of monsterkind alongside Chara) and Deltarune (as the town favourite). That and (I won't go on too long about it here but remember it) he sort of feels like how some early "save the goat" takes were. Boiled down to the fluffy boy who can't do wrong, he's cute and pure and basically a big plushie. Only instead of that just being a fandom thing, he does it to HIMSELF (and then it also became a fandom thing but shhhh).

Meanwhile Charif is more so the Flowey part of that. The growing distance from the world. The feeling of everything repeating. Not just getting only a few lines from NPCs, but BEING one of those NPCs with a set number of lines, no matter what she wanted to say. Maybe she could've gotten out of that, but her Gaster contact making that feeling a literal fact of her world locked her into that disassociation. The difference is that she doesn't have the power to reset. She can't do everything, so she just sort of... clings to the knowledge Kris will return and gets lost in it. She stops letting herself be anything but a future guide to freedom. She idolizes them as her way out. Like Flowey idolizes Chara, in a way. But it's not like they were close before. She was made as a youth group activity. Sure, Kris wanted to fix her wings before they stopped going to church, but after that? They forgot. How could they not? It was nice to make something with their brother, but it wasn't much beyond that.

And then there's eachother. Ralsei resembles Asriel, Charif resembles Kris. Ralsei is an anagram of Asriel, Charif is just taking the leftovers of Chara and Frisk's names from Kris and changing a letter.

They both know about the player, with Ralsei favoring its will for the sake of the prophecy, and Charif favoring Kris's freedom as a way to get her own. They both have this mindset ingrained into them of being made to serve Lightners, of that being the only way to feel fulfilled. They internalize that. They don't let themselves be people, at least not in full.

They're reflections of eachother, they're reflections of the Dreemurr siblings. They know this. And they hate it.

Charif is trying to throw the whole PROPHECY off course for HERSELF! Ralsei is defending this defending this MONSTER controlling Kris for some stupid MYTH! She's selfish and manipulative!! He's a spineless coward!! She's nobody!!! He's nobody!!!

They're siblings.

Also: Ralsei was there for Charif's creation.

(From the Gaster section of the Charif Plot Guide)

I don't have much commentary for that but I wanted to mention

Anyways I hope this was understandable and not word vomit I have Thoughts

[arvadthecursed]

haven't said anything about it here but. I am very deeply saddened by Liam's death.

I remember hearing "What Makes You Beautiful" for the first time and being astonished. I grew up an ugly duckling with very few friends. And here was a band telling me I didn't know I was beautiful, and that was the reason I was wonderful. It gave me a sense of hope, that maybe yeah, I couldn't see my own beauty but maybe others could.

And, as y'all know, I have auDHD. I didn't have the words to explain how I felt as a kid. I just knew that I felt wrong, like I was an alien compared to other girls. I got picked on a lot and sometimes didn't realize it til after; or sometimes, no one would talk to me because my interests were "too weird." But 1D gave me something to talk to other girls about. We talked about our favorite boys, the music, and yes, the fanfic. I know RPF is often looked down upon now but when I was 11-13, we commonly passed it around. The "kidnapped by 1D" fics were popular for a reason: escapism, which, for hormonal, emotional tweenage girls, is super important. I remember reading Dark (yes, THAT Dark) in 7th grade because the girls were passing it around in FB chats. Now, we shouldn't have been reading that particular fic at that age, of course, but we were 13, of course we were gonna read it lol. We giggled over how shocking it was and showed it to our friends bc that's what 13 yr old girls do.

I made my first real best friend because of 1D. We bonded over watching videos of the guys together, buying J14 and Tiger Beat for the posters we would meticulously put on our walls, listening to the music. We made fanpages on Facebook together where we would write imagines and post pictures of the guys. We called each other our favorite guys' nicknames and hell, my first url on Tumblr was "hayitstommo" after Louis. My first posts on this site almost 12 years ago were 1D related. That friend and I supported each other through tough times; I helped her when her mother was sick, and she comforted me when my grandma died. I won't ever forget that bond.

And I know about the allegations against Liam, absolutely. I believe Maya. I feel deeply for her in this situation as I know she's received horrible vitriol for something that was not her fault. I can't imagine what she's feeling right now.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that there's this weird grief in me. I am sad for Liam, for his family, for Maya, for my fellow fans. But I'm also grieving that sense of community I didn't really realize I had lost til now. 1D let me connect to others and feel like a girl for the first time in my life, when, as I said before, I had felt like an alien, like I could never belong. The music made me happy. The ability to talk to girls who otherwise would've stuck their nose up at me bolstered my confidence, especially when I felt so wrong inside from undiagnosed neurodivergence.

The emotions I feel about Liam himself are complicated. I know he struggled with drug addition; I know he was an abuser. I know he was one of the guys who gave me my greatest comfort in one of the worst years of my life, when I had to move houses, my grandma died, and then I had to move states. I know he was flawed and I had put him on a pedestal as a kid because kids don't have full pictures of their idols.

I keep thinking about all this. The outpouring of love from Directioners -- even people like me, who wouldn't call themselves that now but certainly identified with the fandom was kids -- has been astounding. I think we're all feeling a very weird sense of grief right now, knowing what we know about Liam, his untimely death, and our relationship with the band and how it's changed over the years. There are fond memories I will always have that were because of 1D. But now that I'm older, I have a more nuanced perspective, and that gives me this weird grief in my chest that hasn't gone away since I heard the news.

Anyway, sorry for rambling. I hope this kind of conveys how I feel.