#you are not ‘betraying the sisterhood’ or whatever

[biracy]

I think it's actually kind of to be expected for a lot of trans people to feel a little iffy in conversations abt "removing the boundaries between cis and trans" bc it is So often something that is used directly against us lmao. Like the whole thing that trans people are "forcing" all the poor gnc cis people who can't think for themselves into mutilating their bodies or "why can't you just be a masculine woman/a feminine man" or "by being trans you're literally saying that masculine = male and feminine = female which means you're actually a conservative who hates women". When a LOT of people talk abt "removing the boundary" they mean removing trans people. There are a LOT of people who are MUCH more comfortable with gnc cis people than they are with trans people (literally regardless of how much we "pass" or whatever btw), so there is a distinction, politically speaking. I DO think that ideally there should be little to no distinction between "cis" and "trans", and I also think that for a very large amount of gnc gay people who still id as cis there IS a very considerable overlap with trans experiences and that is important, worthy of acknowledging, and worthy of solidarity, but also like I don't think it's unreasonable for trans people, a group of people whose existence is extremely threatened right now, who cannot go two fucking seconds without having to hear about people who do NOT want us to be trans, to react a little strongly during conversations abt removing the boundaries that categorize us as trans. In My Opinion.

[agatharkn3ss]

Spoilers!

Theory on Agatha/Rio past

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We know Rio joins the coven next week, climbing out of (what looks like) Sharon's grave and will be part of the next trial.

We also get a sneak peak on how the trial starts - but in the extended version, after the coven disperses to find the clue, we see Rio standing behind Agatha and saying "boo". Agatha seems stirred but eventually she replies a very decisive "No".

https://www.instagram.com/reel/DAEWgBZIVeT/?igsh=MW5wcHJtbjJ1N3I3NA==

Now - I, for one, would love this brief moment to be about the sexual tension and how they can't keep away from each other. However, I think Rio's unspoken suggestion is actually about killing the rest of the coven. Especially that in another promo we hear Agatha telling Rio that "she needs these witches to get her what she wants".

So I think their past might be something like they were always just the two of them together against the world, and that they used to find witches for Agatha to syphon power from, and Rio would help her. This would sit well with Rio's chaotic energy and the theory that she's Lady Death.

I also think that despite all her bravado, Agatha actually longs to be a part of a coven. After her own mother's coven turner against her, she would've tried to form her own sisterhood. We see in a promo that she's sucking energy from a group of women around her, so probably another coven turning against her for whatever transgression this time.

It's probably caused by something Agatha did (although in my eyes she can do no wrong!), but I wonder if at some point Rio doesn't start meddling here.

Maybe Rio meets Agatha and becomes fascinated by this loud and unapologetic witch, so she wants her all for herself. She starts meddling so that Agatha is more and more isolated and betrayed by other witches and begins to think that maybe a coven is not something she wants any more and that she can only rely on herself and Rio. Eventually she gives in and the two of them enjoy their lives together, causing chaos and tricking other witches for a few centuries - something akin to Louis and Lestat in the Interview with the Vampire (maybe they even split up because of a child, like the vampires?)

We don't know how long it's been since they've been apart, but we know it's since Agatha acquired the Darkhold, so probably a fair chunk. But now Rio found her again and she misses Agatha and wants back the chaos life they led. She was never intent on killing Agatha, I don't think, but she wanted to see her hurt. But when she finds out Agatha doesn't have her powers, she realises it will be tricky to go back to where they were until Agatha has magic again. She starts scheming again, maybe she even hopes that Agatha will be able to syphon the Salem Seven? Or that Rio can play the hero, save Agatha and show her how much Agatha needs her?

But instead of fighting or running, Agatha assembles a coven. And she actually seems to enjoy it - I mean, look at them singing the ballad. Even though Agatha is impatient to open the gate or get some magic blasts flowing, she does take a pause at the end of the song, clearly enjoying it.

In episode 3 she has her soft moments too. She clearly doesn't feel like part of the sisterhood yet, because she's wary of her past experiences - she tries to protect herself by offsetting any moments of kindness with some jerk behaviour (I think that's the only reason she kicked everyone after sliding out or the first trial) and show them she doesn't need them. But you can tell she fits into her role as a leader so well and maybe even is surprised by it. And just look how she enjoys herself in episode 4 band!

I think Rio is opportunistic, so after Sharon's send off, she sees her way in, but what are her intentions for joining?

She might just enjoy the chaos and hope for fun "like the old times", maybe expecting Agatha to intend to kill the witches like before. Or she might want to keep meddling so that Agatha doesn't abandon her for a coven. Or there is something else and she actually wants something from the Road? Or all of the above?

[extremely-judgemental]

All right, let’s talk about Feyre’s pregnancy reveal, Rhysand’s anger, and Cassian’s punishment. This is more of an angry rant, if it doesn’t make sense, you know why. 

Before some weirdo comes for my throat for this, and though I’m not obligated to share anything about my life, I have two sisters. I’ve been both Feyre and Nesta. I know what it’s like to be poor, even if not to the extent of ‘I have to hunt to feed my family’ poor which is still a lot more than what SJM knows or understands.

The Archeron sisters have a less than cordial bond with each other, but it is a lot deeper than ‘she let me go hunting’ and ‘I failed her’. The adults responsible for them traumatised them, neglected them, used them as pawns, and exploited them. The three were forced to parent each other and care for their father. That’s a lot of trauma they have in common which leads to more in their individual lives, and an outsider can’t just have a peek and go ‘Oh, this is the one who suffered the most’. Comparing their trauma and picking a side is downplaying their experiences or insulting them as a character.

And it takes a lot to pit one of them against another with just a simple ‘she wronged you, so I’m going to punish her for you’ unless they hate each other and are already out for blood. Which is exactly what the IC do with the sisters—play with their emotions, manipulate them, and make a villain in each other’s story. It’s almost offensive to everyone with a sibling the way sisterhood is approached in this series by making Feyre compliant with Rhysand’s plans. I can’t even begin to tell you how much this narrative infuriates me that Feyre willingly allows Nesta’s imprisonment with a man who clearly is lusting after her.

The sisters haven’t healed from their shared trauma and the IC doesn’t want them to. The only chance they had to mend their relationship was when Feyre returned home after Tamlin sent her back. What we see in SF is a clear reversal of whatever bond they managed to salvage.

Feyre hasn’t forgiven Nesta and at this rate, she never will. She doesn’t care about her sisters but meddles with their lives because she’s still living by the promise she made to her mother. In her mind, she’s ‘taking care of her sisters’ even though she’s hurting them. Their dynamic shifts when she becomes a High Lady and her sisters end up at her mercy which is very similar to their times in poverty. Feyre provided for the family and she exerted control over them as a means to keep that promise which is what she’s repeating now. But that’s too much psychology for people who instantly go ‘but canonically!!’ So let’s move on.

Why does this matter to the pregnancy reveal? Oh, it does because Feyre allows everything in SF. Sure, she is manipulated but Rhysand and Cassian don’t have to put much effort into it. She always ‘sees’ their side and accepts it. (Or, SJM did so to justify the abuse.)

Nesta has every right to tell Feyre the truth about her child. She’s her sister, even if you don’t want to believe, she truly cares for her. Someone has to and no one close to Feyre is going to because Rhysand commands their silence. Her own healer doesn’t explain the dangers of childbirth to her. Nesta sucks at phrasing it well but her reasons are valid and clear. When Feyre asks her to calm down, she says something along the lines of ‘I can’t because they made a choice that directly concerns me, my magic which I’m terrified of. Would you calm down if they did the same to you? What if I tell you they already did? That they’re lying to you too about the child that’s potentially a death sentence? Can you be calm now?’ There’s anger here, sure, only because that’s the second time her sister betrayed her, the first being the imprisonment. She wasn’t waiting around coming up with a list to hurt Feyre and running to her the first chance she got (you know like specific someone does). Besides, she trusted Rhysand and Cassian to do right by Feyre, it’s why she kept their secret until then. But they proved her wrong and now what reason does she have to trust any of them? Even if it is an avenging of sorts, why wouldn’t she have the right to when it’s her and her sister’s life they are playing with?

Rhysand’s first instinct is to kill Nesta more than be concerned for his mate. He was not angry because Feyre was hurt or Nesta revealed the truth before he could. He was never going to tell Feyre himself, not until childbirth unless he ‘fixes’ it to play the hero again, or after if by some miracle they survived. He didn’t even tell his friends about the death bargain the two geniuses made either until the last minute and when he was cornered. That’s his pattern throughout the series.

Do you know what he might have done if it’d gone as far as the labour without Feyre knowing? ‘Let’s not put her in any more pain.’ And Feyre would have died never knowing all her friends were aware of her fate and they didn’t tell her.

He was angry because Nesta ruined his ploy. Would he have reacted differently had she declared it calmly over dinner? Let’s say Nesta wants to invite Feyre and wants to talk to her. She’s in HoW and she has to ask Cassian who will, let’s face it, inform Rhysand first. And they can decide to keep them apart. How is it impossible to see the control these men have over the sisters? Even if it is a completely separate incident on a random boring Tuesday, Nesta will have still become the villain. Rhysand will have still threatened to kill her. 

Cassian whisks Nesta off the streets when she’s very well convinced that she’s either going to die or be dumped on the moral lands. I mean, he doesn’t tell her where he’s taking her and all she sees is Azriel passing him a packed bag. She’s already accepted her fate. Feyre reaches out to Cassian and asks him to convey the message that she’s forgiven Nesta which he keeps to himself. She insists her sister is brought back home which he refutes right away. She expresses clearly she’s angry with IC than her sister, again Nesta never knows. And Cassian decides Nesta deserves to be punished.

Just so we’re clear. Feyre is not angry with Nesta. She’s not hurt by Nesta’s actions. She wants her sister back home. And CASSIAN DECIDES NESTA DESERVES TO BE PUNISHED. Not Feyre. Not Rhysand.

Why? Because she stepped out of line, she exposed his precious sugar daddy. Because Cassian failed Rhysand by not getting to Nesta first and he’s taking it out on her.

You can say all you want Feyre is on Nesta’s side here and she’s being manipulated. But, she forgives Rhysand and Cassian in less than a day after learning her baby and her mate, whom she loves so dearly, are going to die with her. She’s so past it already that she’s joking with Cassian that Rhysand will enjoy Nesta’s punishment. (‘She’s never gone on a hike a day in her life’ but she went through the woods freezing to look for little sister alone with a mercenary, and she climbed down 10 000 steps out of sheer will. Still why not just insult her anyway lol?)

Does she know how dangerous the trip is or does she just not care? And I don’t remember if she goes on to have sex, I only remember Rhysand boasting about make-up sex in a mental convo with Cassian, and if it’s at this point, then that’s even more disturbing.

Why doesn’t she reach out to Nesta herself? Even if Nesta refuses, she can always try again. The two are gone for almost a week and she never wishes to check with her sister who ran off afraid for her life and guilt-ridden? How many times will the two men decide what’s best for her? The imprisonment is Rhysand’s elaborate plan which was very handy and the hike is Cassian’s idea. And she goes along either time because she is helpless with her own sister?

Besides, why do the IC even interfere? Feyre and Nesta are mean to each other. They hate each other. They make up one day. They want to rip each other’s throats out the next. Nesta wants to be far from her sisters, fine. She wants to drink and fuck and drown in her pain, fine. Feyre and Elain want her to heal soon, fine. Feyre wants to give her money, she wants to cut her off, fine. But it’s between them! 

Rhysand can hate Nesta all his life. But he has no right to dole out punishment or make her life miserable out of spite. He can’t be angry on behalf of Feyre. As far as Nesta/Elain are concerned, he is just a dude their sister is sleeping with. They don’t believe in the whole mate thing. And Cassian is just a random guy.

And people’s audacity to say Feyre respects Cassian’s choice because she’s being a good friend and he has the right to choose for himself..!

Cassian doesn’t go ‘Let me go on a hike until this blows over’. He doesn’t choose for himself. He chooses for a woman, who is clearly hurting and wanting to die, so that she learns her lesson of never, ever crossing the IC (read Rhysand). His choice is directly impacting someone who’s suicidal and whose family wants them back. He doesn’t have a right to punish Nesta. He has no business getting involved at all!

I mean, if a guy shows up at your house and decides to punish you for a fight you have with your sister, you’ll either murder and bury him together or call the cops, not fucking marry him. It doesn’t matter he’s best buddies with your sister’s lover. He’s a creep. 

And they say, Nesta deserves it all because she failed Feyre at the cabin. Their parents failed them. Nesta was the nurturer of the family, Elain was the emotional support, and Feyre was the provider—who could have taken literally any other job and, she chose hunting, but what Nesta and Elain did was irreplaceable. So for fuck’s sake, cut them some slack.

How can anyone read the book and believe all this was for Nesta, that any of them care about her, or that Cassian loves her? People would rather live in denial than accept what’s truly happening.

[that-one-girls-blog-posts]

you're confused about your emotions ? me too babe, here's a quick reading

I chose random images from my pinterest to read into your energy so you can choose randomly aswell, whatever speaks to you♡ also Idk what's with the 2016 songs today but I kept hearing random ones throughout this reading maybe there's some resonance for you

Pile 1

The Moon🌜

first off I'm hearing that song "we don't talk anymore" by Charlie Puth. So maybe you're dealing with some kind of loss right now, maybe a breakup, a fight with a loved one, a new chapter meaning you have to leave someone behind a little... if this is the case, or similar, allow yourself to be "thrown off" a little, those kinds of situations take adjusting and remember that nothing has to be forever. where I come frome we say : "thunderstorms clear the air" meaning that after a fight there's great potential for healthy communications and solving problems once and for all, for a peaceful and harmonic environment♡ A reading about your emotional state and I pull the moon, how well fitting. The answer truly lays on the inside with this one. no one can tell you how you truly feel exept for yourself! (and maybe your therapist) I think for most of you there's a new season starting and you're realising that it can't be all returning characters. Take some time to heal your relationship with relationships and analyze what and who is truly of good value to your life. you got this!

Pile 2

four of swords🗡 and page of pentacles🪙

for you I'm hearing that song "cold water" with Justin Bieber. And you actually need to take a jump into cold water. There's something you've been manifesting and now that it's slowly getting closer you're resisting the change. Maybe by refusing to let go ? It's like little kids now around Christmas, you can actually watch this happen with slight alterations, all the time. Their parents take them to the toystore so they can see what they like, and they child ofcourse find something but their parents tell them okay now time to go home and wait and see if Santa will bring it. But the kid clings to the shelves and doesn't wanna leave behind the thing they so desperately wanted. Little does it now that their parents just need to get them out of sight so "Santa" can buy the gift and deliver it WHEN IT IS TIME. let go of obsessing, overthinking and trying to "go the right path" and just let the story unfold, take it step by step even if its a little scary and you'll find yourself where you're supposed to be, you're so close already♡

Pile 3

seven of swords🗡

It's too heavy darling you can't carry all of that. You might think you do and you think you're so strong and abundant and successful for "having" all of that but then you wouldn't be feeling like this, would you? A burden, too much responsibility, too many goals or to do's for a person who only has 24hours in a day. I know the card typically speaks about actual betrayal but in this case it feels a little paranoid, like you're desperately trying to do it all on your own because your scared of beeing betrayed or someone messing with your vision or even catching evil eye. For you I'm hearing "Lady Marmalade" yk from Moulin Rounge !? I'm not sure how that fits in here and I never watched the movie but oh well, maybe you know what to do with this information. There could be something about sisterhood and sharing a problem (could be workload or talking about problems...). You might have that lonely wolf mindset, but no matter how strong you are, out there, beeing alone can get you killed. I keep seeing pictures of spiritual communities and churches, you might wanna be looking for something like a mediation or yoga class, bible study group, a coven.... depending on your beliefsystem! you're right not everyone is your friend but also not everyone is your enemy!

ps. reading back this comes off a little weird and I feel like I need to say this. please don't join a cult lol. If you are in some kind of group and things feel off, please take care of yourself♡

hope that helped <3

[xsister-serpent]

Whispers Of Power

Chapter II

Summary: Y/N reunites with Supreme Leader Kylo Ren, joining him as a trusted advisor despite skepticism from the First Order. In private, Kylo confides his distrust and past betrayals, revealing his vulnerability.

Warnings: Past Betrayals/ Eventually this is have smut but it will be tagged as so/ Slowburn/

Info: Words 2382 / Chapter I / Playlist / Author's Note at end/

He gestured with his head for you to walk with him. The two of you exited the building into a downpour of rain. You pulled up the hood of your black cloak. His footsteps were silent yet commanding. You glanced at the shuttle as a low roll of thunder rumbled across the cloudy sky. This was your place now, a silent ghost following the shadow of The Supreme Leader. Except this time, you could mold him—this Kylo Ren.

Kylo stepped onto his ship, gesturing with a hand for you to follow. Most of the troopers simply stopped to stare at you, a mix of apprehension and awe on their faces. You kept your eyes ahead, following Kylo’s lead.

“No one is to disturb us,” he ordered firmly. He glanced at a tall captain clad in brilliant chrome armor. “Notify me only when we reach the Finalizer.”

“Sir,” she nodded curtly.

Kylo gestured for you to follow him as he headed to his quarters. You silently braced yourself for the private meeting, mentally preparing. You couldn’t help but notice that the chrome captain was the only one he directly addressed. With a hiss, his quarters’ doors opened, and you followed him inside.

“You may rest here until we arrive at the Finalizer,” he said through his metallic voice modulator, standing by the large red window of the command shuttle.

You nodded, lowering your hood. He stayed quiet, his expression unreadable, yet you could feel his mind racing with thoughts. There it was again, that thrumming pulse through the Force, growing louder and making you stiffen slightly.

“May I speak?” you asked, meeting his gaze.

Kylo nodded silently.

“The Reverend Mother said you requested me specifically,” you noted, clasping your hands behind your back. “That you refused to see other members of my sisterhood.”

He turned to look at you, his gaze scanning you from head to toe. “Yes. What of it?”

You held his gaze firmly. Even with his blackened mask, you sensed his thoughts reeling, his heartbeat quickening slightly. “Why?”

“Why does every ruler need an advisor?” he said sharply.

You could almost sense his lips pressing into a thin line beneath the mask. “Everyone around me betrays me. They do nothing but betray me. They lie to me. They use me. I need to ensure loyalty within the Order. I cannot trust anyone from that side of the galaxy. That’s why I came here.”

There was something hidden in his tone, as though he wanted to say more but chose not to. It did not escape your notice. It was like reading a book—he was the book, and you were the reader. Kylo’s fist clenched tightly, sensing your mind probing his thoughts. His heartbeat pounded in your head, like a rapid drum in your skull.

“Enough,” he said sharply, making you pause.

His breathing quickened momentarily before he exhaled slowly, trying to calm his rage. Kylo stepped back, his hands reaching for his helmet. With a sharp hiss, he removed it. You gaped as your eyes took in Kylo’s unmasked face. Ben had aged—he was more of a man now. Whatever softness his features once held had hardened. His longer, darker waves framed his face, his aquiline nose and sharp jawline. His deep-set eyes, however, did not.

“You’ve changed,” you observed softly, stepping closer to him.

“So have you,” he said, placing his helmet on the table beside him. He looked down at you, his brown eyes examining you. “It’s been a while, yet I can feel the Force within you. I can feel how strong you’ve become.”

Seeing you after all these years had unsettled him. You met his gaze, a million thoughts swirling in your mind, but you lost yourself in him.

“Do they know who I am to you?” you asked quietly.

“No. No one knows,” he said, his eyes scanning your face again. ���Y/N, you’re the only one I trust now. The only person I can confide in, knowing you will give me your true word.”

You nodded distantly, glancing at the door and then back at him. It was like seeing a ghost—a fleeting glimpse of the boy you once shared a bond with.

“You will be protected. My word is law. The First Order will learn to accept you,” he said, pausing as his gaze lingered on you.

There was no doubt in his voice. Kylo extended his gloved hand, a silent offer of trust. You met his gaze, using your abilities to detect any hint of deception.

“You swear it?” you asked.

“You have my word,” he whispered, his voice gentle but determined. He wouldn’t let any harm come to you—not when he needed you by his side.

You took his forearm in your hand, feeling his muscles tighten under your palm. It was a token of trust, a gesture you had shared before your exile. Kylo seemed to soften under your touch, and in a way, so did you.

“Supreme Leader, we have successfully docked,” said the familiar voice of the chrome captain from the other side of the door.

Reluctantly, Kylo pulled his arm away from your grasp. He replaced his helmet, issuing the command for the door to open.

“Let’s go.”

Kylo walked with you out of his quarters as the doors closed behind you, marching toward the unlatch door of the ship. There, you were greeted by a red-headed general and the chrome-clad captain.

“Supreme Leader,” General Hux addressed him, his gaze shifting to you with a veiled glare. Suspicion was written plainly across his face.

You had anticipated skepticism—if not outright hostility—from some of them. It was no surprise. They didn’t understand your role, your part to play. How could they?

Kylo stepped closer to Hux, narrowing his eyes at him slightly.

“This is my advisor, Y/N of Bene Gesserit,” Kylo said firmly. “She is under my protection, General, from this day forward.”

“As you command, Supreme Leader,” Hux replied, though reluctance laced his words.

Your eyes locked with the General’s briefly. He was an open book to you, his faults and insecurities laid bare. Reluctance was just one of his many flaws. Almost in cowardice, his blue eyes darted away from yours. Kylo on the other hand, gave him one last glare before walking past him. Quietly, you followed Kylo, taking in the cold, metallic corridors illuminated by sparse lights. This sector was a far cry from what you were accustomed to.

“You didn’t tell them about your new advisor?” you asked Kylo. “You’re already adding fuel to the fire.”

“I am aware,” Kylo said curtly, his strides calm but purposeful. “I don’t trust anyone—not even my knights.”

He stopped in front of his quarters, his hand hovering over the door’s control panel as he entered a code. With a soft swoosh, the doors opened, and he motioned for you to step inside. You walked in, your eyes scanning the dark, spacious room with its minimalist design. You removed your coat and hung it on a nearby rack, your gaze drifting to the room down the hall—his bedroom.

No. You are here as an advisor, not his concubine.

The sound of his helmet being removed drew your attention. But an unspoken tension lingered in the air—a personal matter between you and him. You had been exiled from Luke and had never reached out to Kylo through the force. Despite his maturity, Kylo’s grudges were like a garden he meticulously tended. His reticence was palpable as he watched you, his question blaring in his mind: Why didn’t you come back to him?

“I’ll have the troopers deliver your luggage to your bedroom down the right hallway. You’ll be staying here,” Kylo said, standing in one smooth motion. “My private room is off-limits, but you’re free to go anywhere else in this space.”

You nodded silently, glancing around at the large, well-appointed quarters. It was more luxurious than the shared room you had in the sisterhood, and for that, you were somewhat grateful. His tone was stern, a clear signal that he wouldn’t indulge in reopening old wounds. That part of him hadn’t changed—his unparalleled grudges and spite.

Kylo moved toward the door.

“Before you go, I need to know one thing,” you said, halting him in his tracks. “How did it feel? To see the light vanish from Snoke’s eyes…”

Your question hung in the air, and you could feel the storm of emotions it unleashed within him.

You sensed his dread, rage, shock, guilt—and most of all, satisfaction.

His body remained rigid, his back still turned to you.

“It felt…liberating,” he finally said, his voice low and steady.

“Good. You deserved your vengeance.”

The silence between you and him settled into something resolute—a quiet, almost relieved stillness. Kylo turned to face you again, his gaze lingering for a moment before he gave you a small nod.

“You should rest. I can sense your exhaustion,” Kylo said, his voice softer now.

A sense of resolution washed over you. You were just as powerful as he was now. You could only imagine what it would have been like to see him standing in the throne room, triumphant over his fallen master. Now, here you were, offering him your guidance—to be his whisper of power.

Kylo nodded once more, picked up his helmet, and left the room, leaving you alone with your thoughts. Your mind reeled with possibilities, strategies, and the weight of what was to come.

It was alleged night on the Finalizer, and you had prepared yourself for bed. Your belongings were still in the cargo hold, but that was the least of your concerns. What kept you awake was Kylo’s restlessness. Even from across the corridor, you could sense his turmoil—his mind roiling with unease as he tossed and turned, punctuated by frustrated grunts.

With a quiet exhale, you rose from your bed and slipped out of your room, making your way down the dim hallway toward his quarters. Trepidation gripped you as your hand hovered inches from the door. You hesitated, wondering whether you would be welcomed or turned away.

No, you reminded yourself. He is still your friend…your ally. And if things escalated, you were confident you could defend yourself. But you hoped it wouldn’t come to that.

As if in answer to your thoughts, the door opened silently. His bedroom was spacious and dimly lit, with a large bed at its center draped in black silken sheets. Your eyes adjusted to the low light, and you spotted Kylo. His back was to you, the pale expanse of his skin on full display, every muscle taut with tension.

“I could sense your unease,” you said softly.

“Of course you did,” he replied with a sigh, straightening himself in bed. “That’s why I opened the door.”

The weight of his uncertainty hung heavy in the room. His calm gaze didn’t match the chaotic storm of his thoughts. His eyes stayed fixed on you for what felt like an eternity, and you debated whether to step closer.

“It’s fine,” he said, rubbing his temples. The blanket slipped slightly, revealing the broad expanse of his scarred chest. “I won’t hurt you, if that’s what you’re wondering.”

He gestured to the chair beside his bed, and you took a seat.

“You still sleep with a light on?” you teased, glancing at the small orb of light glowing faintly on the far side of the room.

“Not everyone can adapt to the dark as you can,” he retorted lightly, surprising you with the quip. “You’ve no idea how many times I’ve smashed my shins on the bed corners.”

The unexpected humor caught you off guard, a glimpse of something uncharacteristic yet nostalgic. Somewhere in the back of your mind, it reminded you of Ben. Even in the dim light, he could see your features clearly. His gaze lingered, studying you intently—your lips, your nose, your eyes. Every part of you seemed to fascinate him, and the emotions fluttering in his chest were ones he didn’t entirely understand.

“I need you…for something,” he said quietly, his voice barely a whisper.

His brown eyes locked with yours, and your heart skipped a beat. Your gaze flicked to the scars on his chest, the deep pink lines a testament to the battles he’d endured. You remained silent, wary of what he might ask but willing to listen. He sensed your uncertainty through the Force, mirroring his own inner turmoil.  He took a moment to speak again.

“Could you…find a memory of mine to lull me to sleep?” he asked. “I know you have the ability. I just need one good memory…I’ve had enough nightmares.”

He turned his head slightly to look at you. He looked so vulnerable to you, and it hurt that you were ordered to expose his weakness. A pang of empathy washed over you. Despite everything, he was still your friend. But the look in his eyes held something deeper—something unspoken.

“I’ll offer you one of mine,” you said softly.

You reached out, placing a hand gently on his scarred cheek, then on the side of his temple. His mind was a storm of distress, thrashing like a tempest at sea. Kylo closed his eyes, and for a brief moment, you felt him savor the warmth of your touch.

You delved into his mind and offered him a memory—a peaceful one. In it, you were in the desert, surrounded by golden dunes under a warm, gentle breeze. Kylo wandered through the sandy landscape, his breathing calm and measured.  It was a tranquil moment, serene and untouched by fear. This was a sanctuary, a stark contrast to the nightmares that plagued him.

When you withdrew your touch, you noticed the tension in his face had melted away. His body relaxed, sinking into the black silk sheets. His muscles eased, and he looked almost at peace. You brushed your fingers lightly over the scar on his face one last time before stepping away.

Tomorrow, you would be sworn back into the First Order. Tomorrow, you would step fully back into Kylo’s life.

A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed it. Tags still open if you want to be tagged in fic lmk.

Banners by @targaryen-dynasty , photos are not mine found on pinterest

Tag: @paristheonewhoreads, @my-simp-space, @ssnapsaurus, @lm-lg-4ever, @noonee333

[acourtofquestions]

A moment of appreciation for the full-circle friendship of Aelin & Lysandra:

The two worst things Arobynn Hamel ever did (which says a lot as a “King of Assassins”). Two of the children he kidnapped, turned in, groomed, abused, assaulted, tortured, sold, manipulated, dehumanized, and did just about every terrible thing a person can do to anyone; all the while making them believe that was ‘love’ & deserved, that they are nothing without him, & all that matters is being something to him, no-matter the cost. — Pitted against each-other (as long as they could remember), growing up side by side but completely blind to the other that was right there with them. — Yet, as adults all of this goes out the window. They meet once and instead of re-starting a teenage drama born of trauma they decide to be the ones who decide. They quickly realize how alike they are, how revitalizing it is to have someone that understands, the trauma they share (and healthy trauma-bond it becomes) they choose to be friends, find themselves as sisters. —

"That fast--that easily--the offer of friendship was tossed her way. Rowan might have been her dearest friend, her carranam, but... she missed female companionship. Deeply."

And become something built on trust, justice, love, and one they would both die and live for.

— "We were both young and stupid, and should have seen each other as allies. But there's nothing to prevent us from seeing each other that way now." Lysandra gave her a grin that was more wolfish than refined. "If you're in, l'm in." —

(Defying both a ‘mean girls’ cat-fight trope, being rid of lies planted by controlling men who were afraid of what they could do or should have been when it came to their power when working together & against their oppressors, & being oddly realistic to how revisited friendships can be reborn & my personal favorite plot of Maas stories; sisterhood).

Within the subject of that, I want to highlight an ongoing note that’s both interesting, powerful, & lovely:

“Guarding each-others back”

"There is no one who deserves it more," Aelin said, grabbing her friend's hand and putting the ring on her finger. "There is no one else l'd want guarding my back. If my people cannot see the worth of a woman who sold herself into slavery for the sake of a child, who defended my court with no thought for her own life, then they are not my people. And they can burn in hell."

"He'd somehow grown accustomed to having the shifter guard Aelin's back—had found the idea mighty appealing. Rowan at her right, Aedion at her left, Lysandra at her back: nothing and no one would get to their queen."

We go from them being children taught to trust in nothing & no-one (themselves included), that to expose any vulnerability is to die, or be betrayed, or both. Teenager who loathed each-other with blind rage; that led to a thrown dagger and clawed marks, enhancing the others torture & isolation, and promised threats of “if they meet again” — "Celaena froze and slowly turned. Lysandra smirked at her. Fast as lightning, Celaena hurled a dagger. The blade imbedded itself into the wooden railing a hair's breadth from Lysandra's head." — after some of those very same (planted & ‘warned’) items occur; who would & do attack if they turned for a split-second, if/when given the chance, dredged in betrayal (that was a betrayal itself as it was not their own but instead their manipulator). Two young women who carried the scars of such things from being stabbed in the back to quite literally stabbed (scars marring them, Aelin’s spine covered in the marks of what’s left); only now when they do meet again they are remaking promises; even if initially shrouded in threats made of fear & old aches of “if you betray me” — "It's all for Sam, whatever you have planned for Arobynn. Besides, if you betray me, there's little that can hurt me more than what l've already endured." — yet this time they carry a known response, not of fear but of “you’ll kill me if I do… but I won’t” — "I know, I know," the courtesan said, taking in the cold gleam in Aelin's eyes. "You needn't remind me that you'll skin me alive if I betray you." — of “I am not afraid of you” — "Oh, I know what your real name is, Aelin? Shit. "You understand why I had to keep it a secret." "Of course I do," Lysandra said, pursing her lips. "You don't know me, and more lives than yours are at stake." — less afraid of the other seeing and turning away — "Somehow, she doubted Lysandra would call her a monster for it" — "This changes nothing between us, you know. Nothing." — instead “let’s face it together” to the point of “I’ll face it so you won’t have to” or in Aelin’s case I will give this up so you don’t have to — "Because more than me, more than you or Aedion, Lysandra deserves to be the one who ends him." — when she lets Lysandra kill Arobynn, knowing she deserves the freedom of it, needs to reclaim herself, gives up on her revenge and instead picks Lysandra’s freedom. They go exposed & vulnerable, they go behind Arobynn’s back to betray him instead — "The other night, you didn't just come to warn me about Arobynn." When Lysandra raised her head, her eyes were frozen. "No," she said with soft savagery. "I came to help you destroy him." "You must trust me a great deal to have said that."

They have the others back; knowing damn well how exposed it makes them to care about someone; knowing how terribly it could ruin them if it ended again — "We will get her back. We will save her. Together." Chaol just held Aelin's gaze, his shoulders squaring as he said, "Never again." — the grief & love bonding them yet together they are unbound. — "You loved Sam as much as I loved Wesley." Her chest hollowed out, but she nodded. Yes, she’d loved Sam—more than she’d ever loved anyone. Even Chaol. And reading in Wesley’s letter exactly what Arobynn had ordered Rourke Farran to do to Sam had left a raging wound in the core of her. Sam’s clothes were still in the two bottom drawers of her dresser, where Arobynn had indeed unpacked them. She’d worn one of his shirts to bed these past two nights. — go around the others back to make sure they are unwounded — "I went too long without demanding retribution. I have no interest in forgiveness." — "a death for every day in hell, a death for the childhood taken from her and from Evangeline. She was fury, she was wrath, she was vengeance." — to go so far as to take the wound themselves (Aelin sending her & Evangeline out of Rifthold even if she needed the numbers she did not want her on the line as a soldier — "But she was no longer in a cage. For Evangeline, she could stay in this carriage, and she could leave this city. Even if it meant leaving her friends behind." — "For Evangeline. For her future. For her freedom. For the friends who had come for her." Lysandra the dragon left bruised bleeding and scarred for her queen because she trusted her and would follow her into war; and because she would not lose her, she would go to war for her) — "But I do not think my brother and sister in this room would allow me to live for very long if they suspected 1 meant their queen ill—or their kingdom." Aedion gave a grim nod, but beside him, Lysandra straightened-not in anger or surprise, but pride. It broke Aelin's heart as much as it lightened it.— and to do not only what it takes to survive & ensure the others survival, but also what was not asked knowing what was truly needed (guarding their hearts; Rowan, Evangeline, the things the other loves more; risking their freedom, building their kingdoms, seeing the other for the magic they hold beyond power or title but soul). —

"If my people cannot see the worth of a woman who sold herself into slavery for the sake of a child, who defended my court with no thought for her own life, then they are not my people."

— Until even those entrust it to the other; as Aedion says —“He'd somehow grown accustomed to having the shifter guard Aelin's back—had found the idea mighty appealing.” — And that right there is the piece I love, the way they go from that beginning; the dagger thrown at her turning, to the betrayal that hits (“stabbed in the back”), to them choosing to show their spine, saving the other by any means necessary, and her (even in all her “shifting” forms; that trustworthy; that chosen) being the one to have her back quote & quote again; in this one Aelin agrees — “There is no one else l'd want guarding my back.”

[arkhelios-gameplay]

Rose's patience snapped like a taut wire, her eyes narrowing with a dangerous glint as she switched to demon form. She lunged at Lita, punching her in the face. Lita stumbled backward, crashing into a nearby bookcase with a resounding thud.

Books and papers cascaded from the shelves. Lita gasped, pain etched across her face as she struggled to regain her footing with her nose bleeding like a red waterfall. “Rose, stop!” she pleaded, tears welling in her eyes. “This isn’t who you are.”

Rose stood over Lita, a dark shadow casting itself upon her features. “You don't understand,” she sneered, her voice dripping with contempt. "I will do whatever it takes to bring our father back, even if it means sacrificing everything.”

Lita’s voice wavered, a mix of sorrow and determination lacing her words. “Resurrecting Father won't bring us happiness, Rose,” she implored. “There are other paths, other ways to find peace.”

But Rose, fueled by her relentless pursuit, was deaf to her sister's pleas. With a dismissive gesture, she turned away, leaving Lita amidst the wreckage of the fallen books. “I have no more time for your naivety,” she spat, her voice filled with cold disdain. “Remy, we must find another place to read your books.”

As Rose strode out of the library, Lita, left behind amidst the remnants of their shattered sisterhood, cradled her bruised body, her heart heavy with grief. Remy glanced at Lita, her countenance betraying a fleeting doubt, before looking away and following Rose.

[ferventfox]

There’s an argument to be made that there’s no point in getting angry at an internet article written 15 years ago now, but like, that article was published maybe one or two years before I started developing my own anti-feminist  sentiments.

It wasn’t because I had “internalized misogyny”, or wanted male attention, or whatever the narrative is about young girls who betray the sisterhood by not being feminist: It was because this was the kind of shit I was reading. I don’t think I ever called myself a feminist before then because I was young and didn’t necessarily give myself political labels like that, but I was certainly sympathetic to feminism. I thought it was a good and right thing because I thought sexism was bad and didn’t think anyone should be allowed to tell me what to like or to do or to feel because of my gender. ( I can almost guarantee that I had classmates that viewed me as some annoying outspoken feminist even at the time my views on feminism had become very negative.) I started identifying as anti-feminist because I saw people who said they were for equality behaving really repugnantly. I realized that they weren’t actually against sexual assault and abuse and oppression; they were only against those things when they happened to women. Men’s suffering was totally acceptable to them. And it wasn’t just some feminists acting like this, this kind of callousness was very common in the spaces I was in and received almost no pushback from anyone ( (except those scurrilous neckbeard MRAs).

So the cracks started to show. I started to realize how aggressive and dogmatic feminists online would get when you challenged some of their common arguments and how flimsy their attempts to explain away their detractors’ points about men’s issues came off. I ended up unlearning the idea that women were always, 100 percent of time, the worst off and the biggest victims in every aspect of life and society. I realized their were things that men experience that I definitely didn’t envy and I couldn’t un-notice how differently, not just by feminists, but by mainstream society, would view suffering based on the gender of the person experiencing it.

Obviously, my worldview isn’t exactly the same as it was in high school, and it’s less acceptable to talk this way than it used to be which is...a start? But frankly, I’m not about to forget about how feminists discoursing online used to act like fucking animals, and I haven’t forgiven, as I’ve yet to really see anyone apologize.

[joysmercer]

KT actually is the sinner instead of Patricia

 + 

under the cut!

(also the pov starts in patricia's but it switches later on)

“stop staring at them,” fabian whispers in her ear, causing patricia to nearly jump out of her skin. she rolls her eyes. 

she wasn’t staring at her ex and that new girl. she couldn’t care less, actually. but when fabian offers to walk over to class with her so neither of them look as lonely as they feel, she lets him.

she doesn’t really notice it, at first. it feels like old times, her and fabian and joy fucking around after school (except, y’know, they’re now trying to crack an ancient egyptian mystery. details.) but somehow, over the next few weeks, his arm brushes past hers just too many times to be a coincidence, and she finds herself looking for excuses for just the two of them to hang out alone.

it’s just that it’s so easy to be around him. she doesn’t have to worry about what she says or does, and he certainly doesn’t expect her to talk about her emotions or whatever if all she wants to do is joke instead; yet, she also doesn’t have to hide any of that stuff because he knows it all already.

joy notices first and calls her out on it at the first official Sisterhood meeting. patricia buries her head in her pillow to avoid the other girls’ teasing.

(joy for her part, seems well and truly over her crush. she leaves sibuna after amber fails to invite her to her “final goodbye” in the gym. patricia tries to talk her out of it but stops when joy reminds her that she now has abundant opportunities for one-on-one time with both fabian and eddie.)

“so, you’re the one who instigated the breakup?” fabian asks a few days later. “eddie’s still a mess about it, you know.” he appears to be speaking out of defense of his friend, but there’s a hardened tone in his voice that betrays his true feelings on the matter. she recognized it immediately; it’s been far too common in her own speech as of late. jealousy.

patricia forces her heart rate to return back down to normal when she hears that. it doesn’t mean anything, she tells herself. because it doesn’t. a part of her still misses that relationship, and she thinks it always will, to an extent, but she can’t give him what he needs right now, and she’s made her peace with it. 

plus, it’s not eddie who’s causing the adrenaline to course through her veins like a tsunami—that would be because of the boy standing in front of her right now.

still, she feels bad. she corners eddie after drama one day and apologizes, for real. “not to be cheesy but it really was me, not you,” she says. 

he laughs for a moment, then sobers up. “just…just don’t break fabian’s heart with no explanation, okay? I could handle it, but i do t think he can go through that again.”

Patricia’s so taken aback from, well, everything he just said that she doesn’t even notice him walking away and fabian appearing out of nowhere with a bar of chocolate and an offer to help her out with the math homework she was struggling with earlier.

the two of them decide to go check out the crypt one night after the eclipse ceremony and notice footprints in the mud outside the door. they text eddie to meet them there so they can investigate further, but when they wait ten minutes and he doesn’t show, they decide to go back to the House to get him. as it turns out, eddie decided to take the long way and gets to the crypt only to find himself there alone…and gets locked in.

(it’s still a vision of patricia that gets him out, although it’s kt who’s worried sick about him during his disappearance, so much so that she refuses to try fabian’s synesthesia tests until after he reappears.)

denby immediately identifies fabian, alfie, and kt as the easiest to capture out of the anubis residents—eddie's already evaded it once, patricia's far too stubborn, and the rest…well, the rest would be easier after a few weeks when whatever was going on between them self-combusted.

she corners kt at a break during dodgeball tournament. "you look a bit…agitated," she says, turning on her charm to the max. kt says something about forgetting to do a homework assignment (for all their sneaking around, none of these children can lie properly, clearly), and caroline tightens her grip on the girl's elbow. " we both know that's not true. tell me what's wrong. are your friends bothering you?"

kt sighs and says something about not being listened to. "i know this tournament is important or whatever, but there's just a lot at stake here, with…um, with our art projects." her brows furrow and a spark of frustration flashes across her eyes. perfect, caroline thinks—that would be easy enough to convert to anger.

"and art is really important to you, isn't it? I remember reading in your survey that jogging and photography are your main forms of stress relief." kt's surprised enough by that statement that caroline's able to steer her out of the school with little to no difficulty. once they're at the gatehouse, the capture is quite fast.

robert gives KT the exact instructions on how to get to the secret room, but she still pretends she fell in—in order to make the room scary enough for them to investigate, she has to pretend to be terrified being trapped down there. she’s the one who smashes the phonograph later on.

~meanwhile~ patricia isn’t paired up with ben and doesn’t hang around him a lot, but still gets annoyed with eddie’s behavior (as does everyone else). “he’s such an ass,” she complains after a last-minute practice that was, for some reason, held in the boy’s hallway at Anubis, which went about as well as you’d expect. “at least you’re not in this ridiculous costume,” fabian grumbles.

she tells eddie to put fabian in, recounting how he often helped mick’s team in middle school. eddie refuses, which ticks her off for reasons she can’t quite explain.

anyway, the boys hear the phonograph smashing, fabian does some investigating, and is actually correct in his assumption that KT is the traitor.  

patricia takes her key and doesn’t give it back. alfie’s the one who insists on sleeping in her room for “protection”.

most of 3b after this is generally the same as the show except with patricia/eddie instead of kt/eddie trying to fix shit

things are lowkey awk between them but not really

fast-forward to after everyone but alfie’s been captured. patricia’s pissed when eddie suggests leaving alfie behind, so she stays as well

this is copy-pasted from another thing i wrote but point still stands the two of them are immediately separated. they try patricia first, but knowing the details from eddie’s vision and the information in the book makes patricia’s normal level of stubbornness increase hundred-fold. she refuses to sin at all. 

team evil gives up and patricia finds herself locked in a dark closet. alfie’s taken a few hours later. 

patricia jumps out a window to escape.

she gets MAD at harriet when she discovers the key swap. eddie has to physically restrain her.

eventually patricia and eddie assemble the staff but fabian’s the one guarding the door. eddie tries to get through to him (“we used to be best friends, remember? you’re the one who talked me out of that funk when we were locked in the crypt.” etc) but fails. 

finally patricia steps up and reminds him of the first time they met, the first prank he helped her pull, all the memories from middle- and early high-school. she mentions joy, and how worried his former best friend has been about him recently. she even brings up nina, saying the other girl left so something like this wouldn’t happen.

there’s a split second where, under any other circumstances, they might’ve had a Romantic Moment. instead, the pause gives eddie just enough time to push through the door.

after ammut (and denby) die, frobisher’s lying there on the floor, mumbling about wanting to see his great-grandaughter again. patricia tells him to fuck off. 

eddie laughs at that, and for the first time all term, shoots her a genuine grin. “we make a good team, yacker,” he says.

she smiles. they do, despite everything.

(RFS doesn’t come back to Anubis to say goodbye)

they’re at the fireworks now, and patricia watches from the distance as a blonde girl from Mut starts casually flirting with eddie, and he flirts back. she realizes with a shock that nearly everyone is paired up, now.

���so, how are you feeling?” fabian asks, breaking her out of her reverie.

“I’m just glad it’s over. for real this time,” patricia says. she pauses, trying to figure out a gentle way to ask the question on the tip of her tongue. but gentle’s never really been her strong suit. “do you wish nina was here this term, you know, to help out with everything?” 

fabian shakes his head. “she clearly didn’t want to. she’s blocked me on everything, actually.”

“that doesn’t answer my question.” 

“I miss her. we all do. but we held our own just fine, I think.” he pauses and looks into her eyes. “well, you did, anyway.”

she rolls her eyes playfully. “I learned from the best,” she says, nudging him with her shoulder.

“Okay everyone, grand finale, coming up!” Alfie calls. They line up at the barrier, watching the sky light up. Fabian wraps an arm around her waist, pulling her close.

When the final firework goes off, she stands on her tiptoes and presses a kiss to his cheek. “This is great, and all, but fancy a dinner tomorrow evening? Just the two of us?” 

Fabian grins and kisses her, for real this time.

[joinmeinenvy]

Francesca sat still, her body heavy with guilt, her heart sinking with every word Giada spoke. She wanted to reach out, to make it better somehow, but the words felt useless now. She couldn’t take back what had been done, couldn’t undo the years of silence that had cut through the fabric of their sisterhood. It was a wound that had been festering for far too long, and now it was laid bare between them, more painful than she could have imagined. Giada's anger was sharp, and Francesca deserved it. Every word, every accusation, felt like a truth she couldn’t deny. The silence that stretched after her sister’s outburst was deafening. Francesca felt the weight of it all—the broken trust, the shattered bond—and it crushed her. She had always thought that love between sisters was unbreakable. But Giada had every right to feel betrayed, to want space, to need time.

Francesca finally spoke, her voice quiet, tremulous. “You’re right.” She swallowed, the lump in her throat thick. “I was a child when it happened, but I’ve been an adult for years, and I should’ve been honest with you from the beginning. I should’ve known better. I should’ve seen that you deserved the truth, even if it hurt.” Her eyes wanted to well up again, but nothing came. She cried enough. She took a slow breath, and her words came out in a whisper. “If I could take it all back, I would. I should’ve told you. I should’ve never let it go on this long. I should’ve never kept that secret from you. I’m sorry, Giada. I’m so sorry.”

Giada’s words stung, but Francesca knew they were said out of pain, out of frustration that had been building for far too long. She couldn’t blame her for any of it. Giada had trusted her, had looked to her as a sister, as someone who would always be there for her. And Francesca had failed her. The sound of Giada turning on her heel to leave made Francesca’s chest ache, but she knew there was nothing she could do to stop her. She knew that whatever she said now wouldn’t be enough, that the space between them would have to stretch before healing could even begin.

“I understand,” Francesca said softly, watching her sister retreat with the letter clutched to her chest. “You don’t have to forgive me. Not now. Not ever, if you can’t. But I’ll wait. Whenever you’re ready to talk, I’ll be here.” She stood then, slowly, her legs shaky under the weight of everything unsaid. “I love you, Giada. I always have. And I always will.” But there was no response. No indication that her words had been heard.

Francesca stood alone in the silence, the space between them feeling vast, and yet, all she could do was sit back down. She didn’t know how long it would take, how much time her sister needed. But she would wait. She would give Giada the time she asked for, the time she deserved. For now, all she could do was sit in the ache of it, knowing that the road ahead was uncertain, but she would carry it. She would carry the weight of her mistakes and her sister’s hurt for as long as it took.

The End... off to go cry

Giada met her sister's watery gaze with a strained expression of her own, searching Francesca's features, trying to find the strength to take it all back, and apologize for the retort that flew off her tongue like Serpent venom on her lips. Deep down, Giada wanted to. More than anything, she wanted to hold on to that tight knit sisterhood the D'Amiano women had forged over the years, put it first, and push aside her feelings to look out for Francesca like she always had. But the hurt that radiated through her felt just like it had all those years ago when their father kept James from her, and Giada simply couldn't muster it, not yet anyway.

Her expression remained unchanged, and she let a weak scoff escape her. "Your intentions may have been pure, but your methods..." Giada looked away from her sister and let Francesca supply the rest, unable to liken her to her father a second time. She could spare her that at least.

"I understand that you were a child, but you're an adult now, Francesca, and adults take accountability for their actions." It was their mother's voice Giada channeled now: big girl games, meant big girl consequences. "You had sixteen years to tell me. Sixteen years of watching me try to figure out what happened to him when you knew all along. And it took this psychotic shadow behind a phone to get you to come clean. Perhaps, I should be thanking him then." Giovanni. The real one had always taken a liking towards her.

Her features contorted to conceal the moisture that began to well in her eyes, refusing to give Francesca the satisfaction of breaking Giada just as her sister had feared the truth would do to her. "Tell me, would you have taken this to the grave if it wasn't for him?" She asked out of sheer frustration, throwing her hands down to her sides as spoke and shaking her head. "You know what, I don't need to know the answer to that." What she did know was that it was time to remove herself from the situation, blinking back the emotion that continued to threaten her.

"What I need is time." Giada drew in a breath, and turned on her heel, clutching the letter —the very last piece of James she had, to her chest and over her heart as she made a start for her bedroom. This time she had no intention of turning back around.

[gatorprompts]

✧ — ⋆   𝐀𝐍𝐂𝐈𝐄𝐍𝐓 𝐃𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐌𝐒 𝐈𝐍 𝐀 𝐌𝐎𝐃𝐄𝐑𝐍 𝐋𝐀𝐍𝐃 𝐏𝐑𝐎𝐌𝐏𝐓𝐒 .

from  the  2021  album  by  marina .  swearing  and  blood  references  present .

ANCIENT  DREAMS  IN  A  MODERN  LAND . 

“ we’re  not  here  so  we  can  blow  it  all . ” “ we  could  bear  witness  to  the  ride  and  fall . ” “ ancient  dreams  in  a  modern  land . ” “ i’m  trying  to  get  back  as  fast  i  can . ” “ you  don’t  have  to  be  like  everybody  else . ” “ you  are  not  here  to  conform . ” “ i  am  here  to  take  a  look  inside  myself . ” “ i  could   be  the  eye ,  the  eye  of  the  storm . ” “ i  am  not  my  body ,  not  my  mind  or  my  brain . ” “ i  am  the  observer . ” “ i  live  in  the  space  between  the  stars  and  the  sky . ” “ what’s  your  purpose ? ” “ you  could  be  lost ,  but  you  belong  to  the  world . ” “ the  walls  are  being  broken  and  we’re  ready  for  a change .”

VENUS  FLY  TRAP .

“ whatever  you  give  life  you  will  get  back . ” “ why  be  a  wallflower  when  you  can  be  a  venus  fly  trap ? ” “ i  never  quite  fit  in  to  that  hollywood  thing . ” “ i  didn’t  play  that  game  for  the  money  or  the  fame . ” “ i  did  it  my  way ,  baby . ” “ nothing  in  this  world  could  change  me . ” “ don’t  underestimate  me . ” “ one  day  you’re  gonna  see  you’re  in  a  losing  battle . ” “ babe ,  you’ll  never  stop  being  me . ” “ i  got  the  beauty ,  got  the  brains . ” “ got  the  power ,  hold  the  reins . ” “ i  should  be  motherfucking  crazy . ” “ i  sacrificed  it  all  for  a  life  to  call  mine . ” “ i  know  that  money  ain’t  important . ” “ i  earned  it  all  myself ,  i’m  a  millionairess . ” “ they’ll  shame  you . ”

MAN’S  WORLD .

“ i’m  a  strawberry  soda ,  raise  my  lashes  to  heaven . ” “ stars  in  my  hair  running  like  a  waterfall . ” “ burnt  me  at  the  stake ,  you  thought  i  was  a  witch  centuries  ago . ” “ i  don’t  wanna  live  in  a  man’s  world  anymore . ” “ maybe  it’s  time  you  comprehend . ” “ don’t  punish  me  for  not  being  a  man . ” “ women  are  violets  coming  to  light . ” “ don’t  underestimate  the  making  of  life . ” “ the  planet  has  a  funny  way  of  stopping  a  fight . ”

PURGE  THE  POISON .

“ all  my  friends  are  witches . ” “ mythical  bitches  making  our  own  sisterhood . ” “ while  society  is  falling ,  we  are  quietly  reforming . ” “ what  have  you  been  doing ? ” “ you  are  not  my  master . ” “ need  to  purge  the  poison . ” “ nothing’s  hidden  anymore . ” “ tell  me ,  who  do  you  think  you  are ? ” “ you  forgot  that  without  me ,   you  won’t  go  far . ” “ truth  and  all  its  glory . ” “ the  ending  of  the  story . ” “ our  life  as  we  knew  it  now  belongs  to  yesterday . ” “ i  just  want  a  world  where  i  can  see  the  feminine . ” “ cast  the  moon  under  our  spell . ” “ owning  female  power ,  taking  back  what’s  ours . ” “ earth  is  like  a  white  rose . ” “ a  place  so  corrupt . ”

HIGHLY  EMOTIONAL  PEOPLE .

“ life  is  a  game  that  the  universe  plays . ” “ we  are  the  pieces  in  a  puzzle  called  fate . ” “ emotions  unfold  like  a  superbloom  in  action . ” “ this  is  how  we’re  meant  to  be . ” “ we’re  just  highly  emotional  people . ” “ you  don’t  need  to  hide . ” “ sometimes  it’s  hard  to  tell  me  how  you feel . ” “ i  never  see  you  cry . ” “ feelings  come  up  and  you  push  ‘em  down . ” “ i  feel  your  pain  ‘cause  i  know  life  is  hard . ” “ you  can  let  go  of  the  pain  in  your  heart . ” “ people  say  men  don’t  cry . ” “ it’s  so  much  easier  to  lie . ”

NEW  AMERICA .

“ everything  that  made  you  great  only made  you  bad . ” “ made  the  people  hate  all  the  good  they  had . ” “ i  know  that  you  had  big  dreams . ” “ abuse  won’t  make  a  free  land . ” “ you  can’t  bury  the  truth . ” “ it’s  time  to  play  your  dues . ” “ stars  are  shining  for  you . ” “ now  our  food  doesn’t  taste  like  its  meant  to . ” “ they’ve  got  blood  on  their  hands . ” “ they  stole  all  the  land . ” “ and  all  the  lies  they’re  here  to  raise  make  them  feel  like  a  man . ” “ no  matter  what ,  the  story’s  catching  up  to  you . ” “ you’ve  been  in  pain  for  a  while . ” “ you  can’t  hide  your  secrets . ”

PANDORA’S  BOX .

“ you  almost  turned  me  psycho . ” “ i  almost  lost  my  mind . ” “ i  didn’t  know  the  depth  yet  of  someone  so  unkind . ” “ you  damaged  what  we  had . ” “ you  don’t  know  what  you  just  unlocked . ” “ i  lose  all  control . ” “ let  go  of  my  darkest  thoughts . ” “ ‘cause  i  see  the  truth  when  we  were  stacked  against  the  odds . ” “ i’ve  escaped  many  vices ,  but  i  can  never  escape  the  war  inside  my  skull . ” “ you  know  that  love’s  a  gift ,  but  it  can  also  be  a  curse . ” “ i  thought  it  would  get  better .   i  kept  my  hope  alive . ” “ i  don’t  wanna  be  the  bearer  of  pain  so  we  can  survive . ” “ i  pray  that  hope’s  not  lost . ”

I  LOVE  YOU ,   BUT  I  LOVE  ME  MORE .

“ i  love  you ,  but  i  love  me  more . ” “ don’t  come  back  knocking  at  my  door . ” “ you’ve  had  your  chance  and  now  you  want  more . ” “ do  you  expect  me  to  believe  that  you’ve  changed ? ” “ you’re  exactly  the  same . ” “ you’d  rather  shut  your  eyes  than  feel  any  pain . ” “ why  did  we  fuck  it  up ? ” “ told  you  before  that  love  isn’t  enough . ” “ how  can  i  trust  you  after  what  i’ve  been  through ? ” “ you  only  care  about  me  when  it  suits  you . ” “ women  love  too  early  and  men  love  too  late . ” “ your  promises ,  they  just  suffocate . ” “ why  did  you  mess  it  up ? ” “ are  you  worth  the  risk ? ” “ i  just  can’t  make  up  my  mind . ” “ i’ve  been  choosing  your  heart ,  your  heart  over  mine . ” “ i  don’t  understand  how  you  missed  all  the  signs . ” “ you’ve   had  your  chance  and  now  you  want  more . ”

FLOWERS .

“ now  we’ve  reached  the  end . ” “ i  think  it  made  me  stronger . ” “ i  would  rather  not  betray  myself  just  to  keep  your  love  at  any  cost . ” “ it’s  most  tempting  to  give  in  when  you  hear  the  firin’  shots . ” “ with  every  careless  action ,  you  let  me  slip  away . ” “ if  you  just  bought  me  flowers ,  maybe  i  would’ve  stayed . ” “ you  didn’t  think i  was  serious . ” “ i  guess  you  felt  so  safe . ” “ the  seeds  we  planted  grew ,  but  not  like  roses  do . ” “ we  had  the  thorns  and  leaves ,  but  the  buds never  bloomed . ” “ now  my  future  gleams  with  colours  bold  and  bright ,  in  a home  that’s  filled  with  love  and  hope . ” “ it’s  more  tempting  to  give  in  when  you’re  almost  at  the  top . ” “ when  you’re  steps  from  winning  back  all  the  happiness  you  lost . ” “ there’s  no  heartbreak  left  to  feel . ” “ after  you  made  your  choices ,  i  melted  away  like  snow . ” “ you like  lying  to  yourself . ” “ now  i’ll  never  know  what  parts  of  your  love  were  for  real  and  which  parts  were  for  show . ”

GOODBYE .

“ heaven ,  if  there’s  a  star  for  us ,  up  there  in  your  lovers’  universe ,  shine  your  light  down  on  me . ” “ another  life  waits  to  unfold ,  maybe  one  day  if  we’re  lucky . ” “ i  fucked  it  up ,  i  lost  it  all . ” “ my  life  might  not  be  what  i  thought ,  but  i  wouldn’t  change  a  thing . ” “ i  will  never  be  yours  again . ” “ never  wanted  our  love  to  end . ” “ goodbye ,  my  friend . ” “ maybe  we  won’t  meet  again . ” “ you’ll  always  be  my  closest  friend . ” “ i  hope  you’ll  always  be  happy . ” “ some  mistakes  are  hard  to  learn . ” “ broken  hearts  are  quick  to  burn  and  slow  to  heal  easily . ” “ i’ve  been  a  mother  to  everyone  else . ” “ goodbye  to  the  girl  that  i  was . ” “ goodbye  to  the  girl  that  you  lost . ” “ nobody  can  take  our  love  down . ” “ it’s  safe  inside  our  memories . ” “ i  won’t  forget  how  you  healed  me . ”

[darkficsyouneveraskedfor]

Omertà👄17

Warnings: noncon sexual acts and rape.

This is dark!Bucky and dark! Loki and explicit (with sides of dark!Steve and dark!Thor). Your media consumption is your own responsibility. Warnings have been given. DO NOT PROCEED if these matters upset you.

Summary: Your father was a bookie and taught you everything you know about numbers. After his death, you were taken on as a bookkeeper for Loki Laufeyson, resident crime boss in Manhattan. But can you keep your place in the background when a man from Brooklyn threatens to drag you to the forefront?

Note: uh, yeah, here’s an update!

Thank you. Love you guys!

As always, if you can, please leave some feedback, like and reblog <3

masterlist

You were surprised and relieved that both men heeded your warning and left you alone. Even so, you slept with the club-like lamp close at hand and woke early as you went over the ideas brewing in your head. If you saw this casino through, you wouldn’t survive much longer. You doubted you’d even make it to the opening at this point.

You wore a tight black wrap dress that bared your thigh when you sat. You checked your reflection and preened before you grabbed your purse and headed for Loki’s room. You had to make this convincing. You had to work with Loki, not against him. Just for a time.

You knocked and tapped your heel on the hotel carpet. The door opened and Loki greeted you in a half-button shirt, untucked, and uncombed hair. His jaw twitched and he backed up a step as he let out a long breath.

“You’re early,” he nodded you inside. As you entered, he swung the door closed and finished buttoning his shirt. He strode around the room, tidied from the night before though still smelling of wine, and took his tie from the end table. He looped it as you lingered by the door.

“I think we should talk,” you said.

“We should?” he scoffed as he straightened his tie.

“About business,” you offered, “that’s why we’re here and we’ll get nothing done if we keep on like this.”

“All would be in order if you did not insist on being a stubborn bi--”

“Loki,” you curtailed his insult, “I mean it. Send me back to New York, just for a day.”

“I need you here.”

“I’ll stay until the morning but… Bucky told me some things about Diablo.”

“Diablo?” Loki squinted as he took a sleek black comb and looked into the mirror hung from the wall.

“You want me to show my loyalty to you, that’s what I’m doing.” You watched him comb his dark hair. “You own my bounty so what good is it to betray you? I owe you.”

He slapped the comb against his palm and turned to you. He set it aside and winced. He rolled his shoulder where you’d hit him and rubbed it.

“You’ve a far way to go to trust,” he warned.

“Look, you know how men like Bucky are. You think he doesn’t talk after… well, you know? He likes to boast. This whole casino business, that’s proof alone that Diablo is working behind your back. You might not trust me but you should trust him even less.”

“What are you proposing, pet?” he pulled on his jacket and yawned.

“Send me back to New York with Thor. I’ll need protection. You stay here. You can tell Bucky you sent me to keep me away from him or whatever makes your ego feel better.”

“Pet--” he began and you waved away his caution.

“Whatever,” you pressed, “you send me there and I will not return without answers. Diablo thinks he owns the city, that he owns me. He got on over on you with this seaside sty and I don’t think he should get away with that.”

“Why would you do any of this?”

“Because it’s my head as much as yours, because, as much as I hate to admit it, I’d rather be owned by you then Diablo.”

“And how will you get these answers?” Loki came near and looked down his nose at you.

“Hmm,” you smiled coyly, “all you men think my father left me alone with nothing. I know everyone he knew, I’m the sweet little girl who used to carry colouring books around to all the meetings. And as little as I knew her, I learned from my mother. Women have a way of snaking their way through the desert of bad men and we find sisterhood in our tolerance of their bad deeds. Diablo has girls coming and going, he tosses them away and do you think they appreciate him for that?”

Loki considered you and his lips threatened to curve. He ran his fingertips along his lapel and tilted his head.

“You are clever, aren’t you?” he asked.

“I make do,” you shrugged, “you keep me here and Bucky’s gonna keep playing this game. Don’t you think that’s a little too convenient for Diablo? He’s distracting both of you, he’s got you both of New York… why is that?”

Loki poked his tongue through his teeth and tsked. He turned away and swirled his finger through the air as he thought.

“I have been distracted, by you most of all,” he mulled, “I suppose it would be wise to figure out Diablo’s game and to get you away from that pitbull hounding my business.”

You were quiet, you had to let Loki think it was all in his hands. He went to the window and looked out, he let out a low snicker.

“See out the day, darling, and return to me tonight. I should like a proper goodbye before you go,” he checked his watch as he turned on his heel, “I will allow you a day in the city and you will return with the information you’ve promised me. I do not appreciate those who waste my time, you know that.”

“I do,” you confirmed, “and I’m done wasting my own.”

“Well then,” he crossed the room and his hand skirted up your side, “let us go on and face the day.”

You turned and reached for the door handle. He stopped your hand before you could twist it.

“I did not forget last night. It will not happen again or that little asterisk should disappear from my ledger, understood?”

You looked him in the face and held his eye. You nodded, “understood.”

“Very well,” he brushed his hand across your ass and gave a light slap, “go on.”

👄

You arrived at the casino before the other men. Loki saw you to your office and huffed about his brother’s usual lateness. Bucky and his men appeared shortly after and the builders continued their work in a storm of hammers and drills. 

You sat with your ledger as Thor winked at you before following his brother from the office. He was anything but subtle but you could use his lechery to your advantage. You bent over the columns but did not see the numbers. Instead, you went over your plot.

Men, you realised a little too late, were easy. You just had to appeal to their most basic instincts. Feed their egos and you could feed yourself. You bit your lip as you shoved down your anxiety. There were many ways this could go wrong.

You were surprised to look up and find Bucky in your doorway. His arms were crossed as he watched you. He bit his thumb as he came closer and dropped his hands to hook his thumbs in his pocket.

“You’re going away tomorrow,” he said as he pulled up a chair and sat. “Your boss is a coward. Sending you away. I know he just can’t stand the idea of you and me, sweetheart.”

You looked at him and nodded. He leaned back and cracked his neck.

“That’s quite a swing you got. Hell of an arm.” He chuckled, “can’t say it didn’t hurt.”

You swallowed and set down your pencil. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“Oh, you should’ve hit us harder,” he bent his arm against the chair and rubbed his index with his thumb. “I’m sorry you had to see that.”

You looked down and batted your lashes. Your thoughts whirred and you fought to still them.

“Ah, sweetheart, this is messy, isn’t it?”

“He’ll never let me go,” you said softly, “he won’t.”

Bucky was quiet. You heard his sole scrape the floor and the chair creaked. “But you want away from him?”

“Of course I do,” you looked up tearily, “but I know how he is. It’s why--” you sniffed, “well, you don’t care about all that. You only want one thing.”

He frowned and lowered his hand as he leaned forward. “Now sweetheart, you know I like you for more than that. I wouldn’t still be chasin’ you around if I didn’t.”

You scoffed and shook your head. “Don’t lie to me.”

He raised a brow and sighed. “I know I haven’t been… gentle but I didn’t lie when I said I’d give you better.”

“You can’t--”

“He’s sending you with his brother, right?”

You furrowed your brow and nodded. “He doesn’t trust me,” you said, “and he’s mad. He wants to punish me.”

Bucky poked his cheek with his tongue and thought. “You really knocked some sense into me, sweetheart, and I hate to see what he made you do last night. I’d never make you walk around like that in front of other men. You’d be mine, only mine.”

“You shouldn’t be saying all this.”

“He shouldn’t be sending you away.”

“Well,” you threw your hands up, “what can I do?”

“You do nothing,” he said, “all you gotta do is what I tell you.”

“I don’t--”

“I’ll take care of Loki and I got men who can deal with his dumb brother,” Bucky intoned, “you just gotta say the word.”

Your heart hammered. This wasn’t what you expected but it could still work. You searched Bucky’s face and leaned forward and lowered your voice. “Why?”

“I didn’t buy a casino to work with Loki, only to get close enough to him,” he growled, “this peace was never gonna last.”

“What--”

“You go with Thor as planned. Act like normal, like nothing’s changed. Get him to that antique shop and my men will take care of the rest. You’ll be safe, you got my word.”

“You want me to go against Loki?”

“I want you to jump ship before it sinks,” he said coolly, “I’d hate to see you drown, sweetheart.”

“Why would I do that? Trade him for you? How is that any different for me?”

Bucky inhaled deeply and smirked, “you haven’t given me a chance, sweetheart, but your other choice isn’t so good. This is still business, if I gotta put you down with him, I will.”

You folded your hands on the desk and scrunched your lips. You fought not to show your own grin that threatened to burst through. These men were so focused on each other and their war, they didn’t realise the big picture could be skewed by the finer details.

👄

Loki was waiting for you. You knocked on his door but it was unlocked. You entered and found him in a black robe with a glass of wine. He didn’t acknowledge you as you turned the lock or even as you neared him. He tossed back the last of the cabernet and set the glass aside.

His green eyes met yours at last and he stretched his arms over the back of the couch. He was slightly drunk, you could tell by the colour in his cheeks. His gaze fell down your figure and he beckoned you forth with two fingers.

“I hate to admit it but I think I will miss you,” he slid one hand along the front of his robe and unknotted the belt. He pulled it open and exposed his erection, “you will depart with my brother in the morning and he will see you to the city.”

You wriggled out of your dress and let it pile at your feet. You unhooked your bra as he began to play with himself and shimmied out of your panties. You stepped in front of him and bent to brace his shoulders as you climbed up to straddle you.

“Do you think I’ll be back or is this goodbye?” you asked.

“What do you mean?” he rasped.

“You don’t think I’ll be caught?”

He narrowed his eyes and touched your hips. He pulled you down until his tip slid along your folds.

“Do you?” he challenged.

“I don’t know what I’m doing,” you confessed.

“You have my brother, his men and mine,” he pushed you further and slid inside of you with a gasp. “When we are rid of Diablo and his deception, we will deal with Barnes. You will be mine, pet, only mine.”

“Would you want me when he is gone?” you ran your nails down his chest and he shivered.

“You would be thankful to only be my accountant again,” he gripped your hips as he moved your body, “but I don’t think I could let you be just that.”

“You’re drunk, Loki,” you taunted, put off by his unusual candour.

“I’m horny,” he admitted, “and you feel good.”

You purred and kept rocking in his lap. Despite your loathing, your helplessness, you were soothed by his body. For once, it wasn’t rough, it wasn’t angry, it wasn’t punishing. With what could be disaster facing you, you wanted to bask in this last moment of peace. Fuck away the stress and the fear.

“You never fucked me like this, pet,” he reached to cup your tit, “you’re afraid?”

You lowered your head tellingly and sped up. You didn’t want to talk, you just wanted to get off. Even if you despised him, even if it was wrong. He groaned and hung his head back against the couch as he teased your nipples with his thumbs.

“Perhaps it is that I am merely preferable to that animal, Barnes. The lesser of two evils? I do not mind that.”

He clenched his teeth as he watched the way you glided up and down his length. Your thighs burned as you rode him eagerly, wishing he would just shut up. He snarled as you leaned into him and he took your nipple between his lips and nibbled.

You dug your nails into his shoulders and gasped for breath as you neared your climax. You closed your eyes and the hotel room slaked away. You weren’t there, you weren’t with him, you were only reaching for your bliss. You were so close; so close to being free, even if it wasn’t forever.

“Oh, darling,” he grunted and his hips bucked as you reached down to play with your clit. 

He came inside of you as your walls clenched him and you guided yourself to your own orgasm with your fingers and the fullness. You stopped and sat back as you wiped away the sweat from your brow. You exhaled and he tilted his hips so that you tensed around him.

“I will have a surprise for you on your return,” he swore as his green irises flamed, “oh, I think you should like it very much.”

You watched him as he closed his eyes and caught his breath. You blinked as your head spun and you caught his implication. Just as Bucky planned to strike his foe, Loki plotted much the same. You hid your delight and latched onto the back of the couch as you began to move again. You should have realised earlier how easy these men were.

[vanquishedvaliant]

#never interacted with any dune media but I'd be curious to hear some examples

Just a quick list of examples

the central premise of the kwisatz haderach is that women are incapable of the emotional strength to breach the 'inner self' required to see the future or access genetic memories of the other sex

the male bene gesserit kwisatz haderach is however capable of accessing 'both male and female' memories while women cannot

the bene gesserit are the only major female players in the setting and are scheming, emotional manipulators, frequently antagonists and often cluelessly incompetent despite their professed skills

Jessica, the foremost female character in the first three books, is notably primarily for betraying her Sisterhood because she Falls In Love with a man, an act which purportedly blinds her to her duty

the ultimate expression of the bene gesserit's power is a breeding program through which they seduce men for genetic manipulation

Fremen society is purported to be egalitarian, with women having equal rights, except...

when you kill a fremen man, you gain bodily ownership of their wives

fremen wives are expected to serve their men in everything, taking care of matters of the home, serving him coffee on command, etc

fremen men may take multiple wives, but fremen women may not have multiple husbands

Paul literally names his daughter "Spoils of War" after the woman he won in his duel

this daughter, Ghanima, is purported to be important, however the only meaningful thing she does in her entire book is delegate to her brother and lose her memory

when her memories return all motivations and ambitions she had disappear in order to follow her brother's wishes

she dies offscreen having seemingly done nothing for herself

Tleilaxu face dancers are hermaphrodites that can shift gender presentation at will. All of the face dancers presented identify as male.

Women cannot inherit the throne or any noble privilege

in God Emperor, the Imperial Guard are all female

Women are subsequently questioned in their capability to fight and protect

The justification is given that "Women make a better defensive army because they are predisposed to nurturing and nonviolence rather than ambition and aggression"

"They will use sex appeal to pacify any of the rebellious men that are the True Threat to security"

whatever the fuck is going on with Alia

etc etc

Been reading / rereading all the dune books lately after the movies set off a nostalgia kick

And they’re generally quite interesting and great, except for their undercurrent of insidious misogyny that perfuses every bit of the writing

I’m not the kind of reader that usually harps on about that kind of thing and I’m definitely not making some moral crusade or calling it problematic

They’re also a product of their time etc written in the 60s

But even not being in an activist mindset looking for it to say the right things some of the insinuations are frankly just… distracting? Like it’s not that I’m exactly offended I’m just pulled out of the story by how flatly idiotic some of these chauvinist undertones are and how little they make sense with the rest of the worldbuilding and how the society is described to function

It’s partly because so much of the rest of the book asks you to buy into some particular assertions of religious and political philosophy and then raises those as quandaries you’re supposed to fret over

But the biological determinism of women’s inferiority of men is just like. Flatly stated as fact that explains things. Like it’s the truth as seen by multiple in universe perspectives and there’s not a lot of counterplay to cast any doubt.

It’s bizarre.

Still really cool books for sure but it’s definitely an observable flaw that kind of breaks the flow whenever it comes up

[miceenscene]

Star-Crossed

din djarin/female oc | soulmate AU | pre-canon

wc: 6.2k / 28.5k

summary: The Way was not supposed to be a solitary one. People, house, clan. And when all else failed, your Match. “Fits like a Mandalorian Match” was the old saying. Though it wasn’t so long ago that it stopped making sense. But what's a lost Match to a man like Din Djarin?

warnings/tags: canon-typical violence, fluff, hurt/comfort, Din Is In A Cult, angst with an eventual happy ending i swear

Previous Chapter | Masterpost | ao3

Chapter Eight: The End

Nia and Anella ran for each other, crashing into one another in a fierce embrace.

Nia and Anella ran for each other, crashing into one another in a fierce embrace.

Anella held onto Nia as if in fear that she might slip through her fingers again. Both of them talking through tears over the other.

“I’ve missed you so much! I was starting to think I wouldn’t find you–”

“Niæna! I thought you were–Niæna, cyare’se–”

Loved one.

They stopped talking at the exact same moment to listen, making them both laugh and wipe away tears.

Anella cupped Nia’s cheeks and pressed her forehead to hers, frowning in a joy so bright it had to hurt.

“Me'vaar ti gar, ba’buir?” Nia whispered, sniffling.

How are you, grandmother?

Anella nodded slowly, swallowing hard before speaking in a rough voice. “Ner bu’ad. Yaimpar. Ori’sol gedetyar.”

My granddaughter. Returned. There is much to be grateful for.

Watching their reunion made something deep inside Din ache. He had never felt like more of an outsider.

He stepped back once, twice, hoping to let them share this moment as long as they wanted to without an audience. But–

“Ke’mot!”

Halt!

Even if it hadn’t been the exact order used by his training instructors, the tone Anella used would have stopped a runaway Star Destroyer. Din looked back, shoulders automatically hunching to brace for whatever was coming next. Anella still had an arm around Nia, but was giving him a very familiar looking study.

“Is he with you?” she asked Nia.

She smiled. “Yes, he’s with me. He’s the reason I’m here.”

Anella looked slightly mollified. “Do you have a name to go with all that beskar?”

“He goes by–”

“Din. Din Djarin.”

For half a second, he had the same feeling as when he gave Nia his true name on their first meeting. WHY? But the warm and open look in Nia’s eyes immediately quenched any doubt he might have had.

Anella looked between the two of them then snorted. “Come, let us leave this drafty high rise and you can explain. You too, Din-Din Djarin.”

Huh. It’d been a long time since he’d had relatives.

Anella took them to her small apartment many thousand levels down from the twin-spired penthouse. It was cramped, and there was some sort of betting ring happening on the street corner, but they could still see the sky, so better than most on Coruscant.

Inside was about as luxurious as being aboard The Razor Crest, which made Din feel a lot more at ease, truth be told. Anella managed to find an extra crate for Din to sit on as she only owned two chairs, but it didn’t feel too tight at the table.

Anella was a small woman, slight and barely reaching his chest. But she still had a commanding Presence that made him continually straighten his posture every time she re-entered the room. The long burn scar through her whitened eye probably helped, but even then…

Nia hadn’t stopped smiling since they arrived. “Ba’buir, sit. We’re fine.”

Anella grunted disbelieving and tossed two ration packs their way. “If I had known you were coming, I would have gotten the good ones. But I at least have this.” She placed down three metal cups on the table and brandished a bottle half-filled with golden liquor.

She filled the cups with the very strong smelling booze and then lifted hers. “K'oyacyi.”

Cheers. Literally, ‘stay alive’.

“K’oyacyi,” Nia repeated before sipping. Din lifted his glass, but did not drink.

Anella gave him an odd look. “I can assure you, this place is safer than it looks.”

“Din doesn’t remove his helmet in front of others,” Nia explained before he had to.

A knowing look crossed through Anella’s eyes that turned to a pointed glare towards Nia, who avoided it by paying very careful attention to opening her ration bar.

“I see. Well, it will keep just fine,” Anella said before taking Nia’s hand in hers and giving her a soft, concerned look. “Now tell me, my Comet-fire, what has happened since I saw you last?”

Nia let out a long breath. “A lot, but… I’m not even sure when that was.”

“What do you mean?”

“I had a control chip put in my head,” Nia said, making Anella’s face harden and her grip clench. “Din made sure it was removed, but it took… everything. I wasn’t even sure of my own name when I woke up.”

Anella’s face was disturbed, but she nodded and sat back. “Tell me what you know then. And I will clarify.”

“I remember Mandalore. My parents and you, our home. I remember you raising me, training me–training us. We found the school. Ba’buir, it was attacked–”

Anella held up a hand “I know this. Continue.”

Nia kept going. “I remembered the Vod’oya after we found the headquarters. Going through the mission log brought back a lot of good memories.” She smiled for a moment, but then it disappeared. “But there’s gaps. In the records themselves. We have a contact seeing if it can be recovered, but haven’t heard anything yet.”

So far none of this seemed to surprise Anella. “And then?”

Nia’s face grew very carefully blank. “I know I killed Phasia,” she said in a small voice. On instinct, Din reached out and took Nia’s other hand. He could feel Anella’s gaze rest on him for a moment. “I don’t… know why, but I remember doing it. Ro saw me shoot her, she told me.”

“You found Ro?” Anella asked, sounding actually surprised now.

“Yes, she was… angry. I would be too.”

“What brought you here then?”

Din spoke up, making them both look his way. “I had a bounty, some years ago, for Phasia. I delivered her to that building. Nia remembered being chipped there when we arrived.”

“I remember a man. Human. He wanted to know where the school was…” Nia’s face threatened to crumble. “And I told him. I couldn’t stop myself.”

“Because you were chipped,” Anella reminded her, her voice fierce with determination. “Do not take guilt that is not yours, Niæna.”

She didn’t look like she quite agreed with her, but she let out a breath. “We’ve been looking for eight months, and there’s still so much we don’t know. Please, anything will help.”

Anella nodded and considered for a moment before speaking. “I hope you have re-discovered it, but your gut instinct is… uncanny. As a child, it was unsettling.” A wry smile twisted her mouth for a moment. “But as you grew older, and especially with the path you and the others chose, it gave me some measure of peace. So when you came to me a year ago and told me that you felt one of the Vod’oya had betrayed the group, I trusted you. But I told you that you would need hard proof to convince the rest. And you had it. The collection of missions the Vod’oya had completed all under false pretenses, all proposed by Phasia. You showed it to me not long before… before it all ended.

She finished her drink and set the cup down. “The owner of that building is a man named Terreck Basslan. He is rich, which makes him powerful. Even with your proof, we weren’t sure how he’d gotten his hooks into Phasia–” She looked pointedly at Din. “But it was clear that she was the turncoat. Through her, Basslan was using the Vod’oya as his own personal army. The seven of you could take out his enemies, remove his competitors, or just cut down anyone in his way. I am sure he lined Phasia’s pockets with more credits than she knew what to do with for her assistance.

“When you told me, I thought it best to disband, but… you wanted to know why she had betrayed the sisterhood. I told you to be careful. She had kept up the ruse for years; she was probably deeper in than even we knew.” Her face grew even more somber. “And then I was woken up very late by Kolo, who told me that Phasia was dead. And you were missing.

“I went after you immediately. You made it to the spaceport before I could get to you. I followed you, tracked you to that building.” She shook her head, a grim light in her eyes. “At the time, I hoped you were dead. That would have been better than most of the fates that waited there.”

“I got lucky,” Nia said, squeezing her hand.

“Yes,” Anella replied, looking at Din. “By the time I returned to the school, the Empire had already come through. Basslan must have told them where we were; Mandalorians are not technically wanted, but far from welcome. They killed some, took most. Where and for what purpose, I do not know. I buried the dead and burned the stormtroopers in the woods. Set out to find my students.”

“You think Basslan knows where they are?” Din asked.

“I think Coruscant is a good place to hide when you still need contacts. I have a scanner nearby; it logs every ship that comes and goes from Basslan’s.” She smiled slightly. “My curiosity was sparked when the same pre-Imperial ship that landed at my school three weeks ago showed up here. Though the Mandalorian was more a surprise than your survival, Comet-fire. Where did you find him?”

Nia laughed slightly. “He found me. On Tatooine. When I was chipped, everything felt foggy. Except for this… compulsion. Kick the guard off the barge. I did, and then he showed up out of nowhere.”

“And what brought you to Tatooine, Din?”

“I took a quarry and had my own… instinct. Go to the Dune Sea, and follow the barge.”

Nia smiled at him. “Though the next thing I remember is waking up to a stormtrooper swinging a staff at me.”

“You wouldn’t stay on the ship,” he replied, making her laugh.

Anella was looking sharply between the two of them. “I see.”

“We’re Matched,” Nia added, resting a hand on his arm.

“Good. Glad you have figured that out yourselves.” She refilled the two empty glasses and sat back in her chair. “Are you bonded yet?”

Nia’s confused frown reflected the one on his face. “No…?”

“It will come in time. What clan are you from, Din?”

“I don’t have one. I was a foundling, raised in the fighting corps.”

“Outside of Keldabe, right?” Anella asked, though it seemed she already knew.

“Yes.”

“Are you going somewhere?” Nia asked, pulling the conversation off track. She nodded to the corner where a few bags were packed.

“I was, yes. I have received a tip on where my students may have been taken. Was going to investigate when you two arrived.”

“I want to come with you,” Nia said.

Anella held up a hand. “No. I do not know yet if it is true. If it is, I will leave word at the school. But you need your evidence back. Prove yourself to Ro and find the others together.”

Nia nodded, though it was clear she didn’t like the idea of leaving her grandmother again.

They stayed up talking, reminiscing till late in the night. Not stopping till Nia could barely keep her eyes open. Anella wouldn’t hear of them returning to the ship, making a few spare beds out of the blankets and furniture she was leaving behind.

Nia curled up on the couch, immediately dropping into sleep before she’d even managed to pull a blanket over herself. Din watched Anella drape a quilt over her and smooth her hair, something deep inside him aching again.

Anella caught him staring from the table, jerking his head back to look down at his still full cup. However, instead of retiring herself, she sat down across from him and refilled her glass.

There was a quiet minute as she sipped and studied him carefully. She and Nia really were related.

“Tell me, Din,” she said in a low voice. “What are your intentions towards my granddaughter?”

He didn’t know how, but he suddenly felt that every answer that came to mind was wrong.

“As long as Nia wants me by her side, that is where I’ll be,” he said finally. True in spirit, but not his full hopes.

She huffed in amusement. “Spoken like a true Mandalorian.”

Her choice of words gave him pause.

“Because it seems to me like you have already chosen her,” she continued.

Kriff, he’d hoped he was more subtle than this.

“Not formally…” he admitted. “But… I am… settled.” He looked to where he could see the top of Nia’s head. “I do not know if she agrees with me.”

“What of your tribe? Do they agree with you?”

Din looked back at her, frowning. “Nia is my Match, what is there to argue with?”

Anella chuckled into her teacup. “Since when has that stopped Mandalorians?”

Under his helmet, he frowned. The idea had not even crossed his mind…

“You know, Nia’s mother was of your tribe. The Faithful Ones up the mountain,” she added.

“Really?”

She nodded once, looking at him closely. “When she and my son chose each other… her tribe cast her out for choosing someone who was not faithful.” A black pit opened in his stomach. “It was difficult for her, and admittedly, I had my doubts at first about the wisdom of my son’s choice.” A wistful smile filled her eyes. “But before long, she made me as proud as if I had birthed her myself. It was through her foresight and her sacrifice that Nia and I survived and escaped when the Empire invaded our village.”

“Nia never told me.”

“Nia does not know. Her mother wanted to leave that part of her past behind her. And she did…” She drained her cup and stood. “I may be biased, but I think she was happier for it.” She patted his shoulder as she passed by. “Good night, Din Djarin.”

Din finished his cup and settled for the night, leaning against the couch with a long sigh. Nia, still asleep, turned and threw her arm across his chest. He slipped his glove off and held her hand, the usual something flickering beneath the surface as he drifted off.

The next morning, Anella saw them back to The Razor Crest, not before giving them a small case of ration bars and the quilt Nia had slept under. She probably would have foisted more, if Nia hadn’t gently yet firmly assured her they weren’t in danger of starving.

“One last thing,” Anella said, making Nia suck in a breath and Din bite back a chuckle. She reached into her bag and pulled out a wrapped, rather flat package, handing it to Nia. “You should have this. It is time.”

Nia unwrapped it and both their mouths dropped open. It was a beskar cuirass, battle-worn and painted grey and white.

Nia looked up at her. “I cannot accept this–”

“I cannot wear it anymore. It is right that you should have it, cyare’se.” Anella ran a hand over her beskar, thumb rubbing at one of the scuffs. “It will need to be fitted to you. And deserves new paint. Perhaps a new color if you think it fitting.”

The color of a Mandalorian’s armor was symbolic. Grey meant mourning a loved one, while white meant a new start.

His own red set was in honor of his parents. Perhaps it was time for a new color on his own as well.

“I will take good care of it,” Nia promised solemnly, her hand pressed over the iron heart in the center.

Anella nodded. “I know this.” She rested a hand on her shoulder and waved Din in to rest the other on his, looking between the two of them. “Look after one other well. Mandalorians need each other, now more than ever.”

They looked at each other, a warm smile passing between them. “We will,” Nia promised, not looking away for a moment.

Anella patted Din’s arm and kissed Nia’s forehead one last time before letting them board the ship.

“Ret'urcye mhi,” Anella called, waving from the landing pad.

Maybe we’ll meet again. A Mandalorian farewell.

Nia watched her from the cockpit, waving back as Anella grew smaller and eventually disappeared from view.

Din was setting coordinates for Nevarro when a message came through. Peli’s voice was crackly but clear.

“You two are in luck; I was able to recover most of the data. Come back to Tatooine when you can–and don’t forget the rest of my money.”

He immediately plotted coordinates for Tatooine. Unfortunately, Coruscant being Coruscant, it was actually almost two full hours later till they made the jump to hyperspace and he could leave the flight deck.

He found Nia down in the hull, putting away the armor cleaner that usually only he used.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

She nodded, tucking her now shining beskar into the armory. “Yes… Part of me wishes we didn’t have to be apart, but we’ll see each other again.” She smiled back at him. “She liked you, you know.”

He chuckled. “I liked her too.”

Her eyes shone, warm and open. “Din. You… you have saved my life in so many ways. Without you…”

The look in Anella’s eye came to mind – I hoped you were dead – making him pull her into his arms. Safe, she was safe now.

She leaned back enough to look at him. “It means so much to me that you like my clan. Maybe… the next time we see Anella, I could ask if she would let you join. You could claim clan Vard’on when people ask. If you wanted.”

“A clan of three,” he said, trying it on for size and finding it a perfect fit.

She smiled, so much brighter and more beautiful than the stars that he just had to kiss her.

Din slipped his helmet on the next morning and opened the bunk door. Nia was already up, doing the final meditation of her stretching routine, completely still and her back straight as a saber.

He admired her form, the slope of her waist and the absolute control over her body she commanded. By the Mythosaur, he was beyond merely lucky to have a Match like her.

“You’re staring, my absence,” she said, without turning around to see him.

He smiled and went to sit behind her, pulling his helmet off before tucking his face into the safety of the crook of her neck.

Sea air and wildflowers.

“Absence?” he asked, interrupting the end of her meditation in more ways than one.

She relaxed back against him. “When you’re helmeted… I can feel the space where you should be, rather than actually you. You’re my favorite absence.”

He chuckled and pressed a kiss to the skin behind her ear.

A contented hum echoed from her chest as she intertwined their fingers and pulled him closer.

They sat there in the quiet perfect ordinariness for a while. That feeling of Something hurtling towards them returning. Though this time, it arrived.

Connection.

“What is this?” she murmured.

Pure and powerful.

It went beyond star bursts and comet fire.

It was… the birth of a galaxy. The miracle of Something from Nothing.

And at the same time, it was simply just her. And him.

Devotion flowed through his hands, tempered with loyalty and admiration. Strong and fierce. Familiar, but decidedly not his.

“Nia,” he whispered, head swirling with the rush.

“I thought the bond was just… a metaphor. A fairy tale…”

Surprise and awe joined the cocktail before simmering down into an amusement that sparkled.

This was her, Din realized after a moment. It was Nia. She was feeling all of this, and through where he touched her, he felt it too. Was she feeling him? How did she not drown in all these emotions?

Concern flooded the riptide.

“Are you alright?” she asked, a hand slipping up to cup the back of his neck. Every place she touched him, Awareness flowed, nearly overwhelming. “Din?”

He nodded, finding his footing slowly but surely. “Yes. I… I feel you.”

Concern ebbed, replaced with shimmering adoration.

“Din Djarin, you like me,” she teased, curling against him.

He had to laugh. That was too small a word for everything he could guess she felt from him.

“I do.” He wrapped his arms all the way around her, holding her tightly and basking in her. Without any effort at all, the words slipped out, soul-deep and earnest. “Will you marry me?”

Surprise detonated.

She breathed a giggle. “Grandmother warned me that Mandalorians move fast. I just assumed she was talking about sex.”

He chuckled. “I’m serious.”

“I know…” Thoughtful consideration welled up.

She had to feel his nerves, his longing for this.

Instead of answering, however, she turned to face him, eyes already closed without any reminder. Her hands reached out for his face, and he guided them to his cheeks. She pulled him close again, pressing their brows together.

“Yes.”

Star bursts and comet fire. Coming from both him and her.

A smile so bright it splintered into a laugh bubbled up from within him. When he opened his eyes, she was smiling too, eyes still closed.

He nearly asked her to open them. Breaking his Oath seemed almost worth it to see her eyes with his own in that moment.

But something deep recoiled at the thought. So instead he kissed her, soft and sweet.

“When?” she asked, lips still brushing his.

He kissed her again. And again. And again, moving slowly up her jaw, fingers brushing through her curls. “Now?” he asked, only half-joking.

She laughed. “Really?”

“Mhi solus tome–”

We are one together. The first line of the vows.

She gasped and pulled half back, but he reeled her back in, laughing and nowhere near done kissing her. Her surprise and amusement bubbled.

“Grandmother would never forgive you if you married me on the floor of your ship.”

He brushed her cheek with his. “Would you forgive me?”

“I’d have to think about it,” she teased with a grin he happily kissed away.

“Where should we go then?” A kiss to her forehead. “Naboo?” A nibble to her chin. “Coruscant?” A rub to her nose with his. “Mandalore?”

She laughed. “Yes, reclaim Mandalore for me, and I’ll marry you by the lake outside of Keldabe.”

“De ner haat.”

By my honor.

Still smiling, she kissed him once more and then relaxed against him, head on his shoulder, a hand stroking through the hair by his ear. Her happiness sparkled under his skin everywhere she touched him.

“I don’t care where… but I would like to have my eyes open. When we marry, I want to see you.”

A thin curl of worry smoldered in his throat. “Will the helmet be enough?”

She was quiet for a long moment, considering again. “Yes. I will never ask you to break your Oath for me, de ner haat.”

The worry immediately extinguished. He kissed her forehead. “Vor entye.”

I accept this debt. Or thank you.

“Of course, ner riduur.”

My husband.

He smiled and held her tighter, the edges of his person threatening to burst from their shared joy too large to be contained within just himself.

“Din Djarin of clan Vard’on, chosen of Niæna, has a nice sound to it,” she said, smiling too.

“Yes. It does.”

They arrived in Tatooine the next day, Peli extremely happy to see her money. And also them.

Nia flipped through the recovered data, the proof of Peli’s hard work evident in the relief in her eyes. “It’s here. This can all be traced back to Terreck and Phasia,” she said before tucking the drive away.

“Thank you, Peli,” Din said, offering a hand.

She looked surprised then shook his hand. “Eh, it wasn’t that difficult. And tell you what, next time you come to Tatooine, I’ll get rid of that dent on the back side of the ship for you. Half-price.”

Now with the evidence in hand, it was time to reach back out to Ro.

Nia left another puzzle box on the doorstep of her house, hoping that it hadn’t been abandoned.

But even if Ro was still around, there was no guarantee that she would answer.

However, about a week after they left the message, they got a holo request. Nia looked back at him from where she sat in the captain’s chair, face twisted with worry. He gave her an encouraging nod, and she accepted the call.

Ro appeared, her semi-translucent face completely neutral.

“Ro, I’m glad you called,” Nia said, offering a slight smile.

Ro nodded once. “Your message said you can explain what happened.”

“I can, yes. Phasia… she was working for someone else. Someone bad. And I can prove it. I swear by the Manda’lor. I swear by Anella.”

“Fine, fine. Bring your proof and I’ll listen. But I want to meet with just you. Leave the buckethead behind.”

Nia looked his way. He pulled off a glove, brushing fingers against her hand out of view of the camera. Her worry flowed through the contact, but changed to gratitude as she felt his understanding.

“Alright. Tell me where, and I’ll come alone,” Nia promised.

“I’ll send coordinates.” But instead of hanging up, Ro paused. “If you… after we clear the air… it might be nice to… catch up.”

Nia’s whole face brightened. “Do you want to go camping? Like old times?”

“You remembered,” Ro said with a small smile.

“I did, yeah. Finally.”

“I’d like that.”

“Me too.”

Since Nia was going to be with Ro for a few days, Din decided he’d be better off finding something to do with his time rather than just wait. Luckily, Ranzar Malk had a job that fit very neatly within their schedule.

And it was only slightly illegal.

“Why do you work with Ran?” Nia asked as she adjusted the straps of her bag over her shoulders.

Din picked up a few extra ration bars from their supply in the hull wall and slipped them into her backpack, as well as a flash grenade. Just to be safe. “He pays. And we need the money.”

She turned around. “The Guild also pays.”

“He pays more.”

He was wearing his gloves so he couldn’t feel her thoughts when she threaded her fingers with his. But he could see them plain on her face anyway.

“You’re disappointed,” he said.

She shook her head. “No. I understand survival. But… I don’t know, hopefully someday we can choose between the right thing and the job.” She sighed and squeezed his hands. “Just please be safe. Don’t let Xi’an stab you.”

“Don’t let Ro stab you,” he replied, making her smile.

“I promise.”

This was the first time in nearly nine months of being together they were going to purposefully part for more than a few hours. As she made to step away, he pulled her back in, close enough to rest the brow of his helmet on hers.

“Wherever you go, I go,” he whispered, even as he reminded himself that they weren’t physically joined at the hip.

She smiled softly and touched his helmet as if she was cupping his cheek. “Mhi solus dar’tome.”

We are one apart – the second line of the marriage vows.

Heart surging up into his throat, he reached for his helmet before he could change his mind. Automatically, she closed her eyes. “Wait. Don’t,” he whispered, something deep inside him shaking.

Her eyes opened slowly, surprise drawing them wide as he reached up again. He lost sight of her as he tipped the helmet up just far enough to kiss her good-bye, gently yet meaningfully.

It wasn’t quite an Oath break, right?

Her fingertips brushed over his jaw, his lips. The awe tingling through the connection made him smile, the first one she’d ever seen.

She gasped and pressed a kiss to the bare spot in his facial hair where a beard stubbornly refused to grow. “You have a beautiful smile, Din Djarin,” she whispered, a fingertip brushing his dimple.

He lowered the helmet back into place and she came into view again, her warm smile still on her face. “Thank you. I’ll see you in a few days.”

“Ret'urcye mhi,” he replied, leaning over and opened the hull door.

Sunlight flooded the room as Nia grabbed her staff from its usual resting place. Ro was waiting just outside of the treeline, hands folded behind her back and her own bag at her feet. Her expression softened as Nia came into view.

Nia jogged down the ramp, stopping one last time to wave back at Din, before running to join Ro. They spoke for a few moments before Ro grabbed her bag and they fell into step, heading down the path together.

Din watched them go till Nia disappeared between the trees, already counting the minutes till he could kiss her again as he closed the hull door and flew away.

As Ran’s quick, easy, and not-all-that-illegal job turned out to be none of those things, Din promised himself this was the last time he’d work with this crew. The two of them could make it by with just the Guild from now on. Dodging fang and knife attacks from your supposed partners was not worth the pay bump.

Ignoring offers for drinks with most of the crew (and far more than just drinks with Xi’an), Din immediately grabbed his share and jumped into hyperspace. Ran’s poor planning had made him a few hours later to meet Nia than he’d originally hoped.

Din half-expected her to be waiting by the treeline as he landed in the exact same spot he’d left her in two days ago.

But she wasn’t there.

That was fine. He knew where they were planning to camp, not even half a mile down the path, near the river.

Maybe he could surprise her, he thought as he headed down the trail, fallen leaves squishing underfoot. Huh, they probably got rained on quite a bit.

He heard the babbling of the river first. And soon after the path through the trees widened with the bank, revealing a near panoramic view of the river bend.

It’d be the perfect spot to camp. But he didn’t see any signs of fire pits or sleeping rolls in the softened earth.

No sign of Nia or Ro either.

What he did see, drew him to a full stop.

Nia’s staff laid abandoned in the mud.

He stared at it for a long moment, before looking around. “Nia?” he called, loud enough to be heard in the nearby vicinity. But there was no answer.

He wrenched the staff from the mud, the weapon half-buried as if… as if it’d been left for some time.

“NIA?” he yelled again before searching for the story in the river bank. However, the heavy rain had washed anything useful away, leaving only rivulet trails and puddles behind. Not even his visor could identify footprints.

A black pit opened up in his gut, large enough to swallow him whole.

He ripped off his helmet, breath fogging slightly in the air, and looked around wildly with his own eyes.

“NIA,” he bellowed, voice breaking as it echoed between the spaces in the forest and across the water.

Silence was the only reply.

Nia was gone.

It was several weeks later that Din was back in the Vod’oya headquarters, this time alone. He set up the holo recorder on the table and activated it, stepping back to the foot and trying to pick a place to begin.

“Anella, I have… Something’s happened.”

He looked at the glowing light of the recorder and knew that this wasn’t the right way to do this, for so many reasons. But fear more than Creed kept his helmet on his head.

“Nia’s gone missing,” he said, face screwing up from the stabbing pain of it. “She met with Ro, they were together for two days, and… and she wasn’t there when I returned. I don’t know if Ro did something, or if someone took them both, or…

He shook his head, just barely holding together enough to get out the words. “I have searched everywhere I can think. Ro’s house is abandoned. No one’s been through the school but me. Even Basslan seems to have gone underground, his staff haven’t seen him for months. I’ve thought about putting out a bounty for Nia, but… I don’t want her getting hurt.

“I’m never going to stop looking for her, de ner haat. But I don’t know what to do. And I’m out of credits. When you get this message, if you want to reach me, you can find me on Nevarro. Leave word at the cantina or with Greef Karga.”

He made himself make eye contact with the glowing lens, as if it would make a difference behind his beskar barrier. “I’m sorry, I…” He sucked a shaking breath. “I’m so sorry, Anella.”

And he ended the recording.

There was one last place he hadn’t gone yet for help.

But now with nothing left, and him nearly ready to believe he deserved it, he returned to the Covert.

Visored gazes felt heavy, pressing in on his armor. Did they know? Would they hate him for losing what so few were lucky to find?

He ducked his head and didn’t pause till he reached the armory, sitting down in front of the forge. Hoping – praying – that this would fix… anything. Something.

The Armorer put down her hammer and sat across from him. Even through two barriers of beskar, her gaze was leaden. “What is it you seek?”

Din dropped his view to his lap, shoulders bowing under the weight of Everything. “...My Match. She was taken,” he finally admitted, breath cutting out of him unevenly through his meager remaining control.

“By who?”

He shook his head. “I don’t know. I have searched… everywhere.” His control snapped, throat tightened. It was like he suddenly couldn’t breathe for the weight of his cuirass. “She’s… she cannot be found. Even by me.”

“Did she see your face?” she asked calmly.

Her question, in light of everything he’d just told her, everything he’d been living through, everything he’d lost, scalded and immediately scarred.

He stared at her for a moment. “What does it matter?”

“It matters.”

No. No, it didn’t. It DID NOT MATTER.

Outrage making his hands shake, he wrenched off his helmet, throwing it to the ground with such force it bounced and rolled away.

But the Armorer saw his intent and turned before she saw his face.

It just fueled his rage. He wanted her to see, to take this away from him too.

“She was my Match!” he shouted, standing to his feet. “How was she, above every other living thing in the galaxy, still forbidden from knowing my face?”

The Armorer tipped her helmet slightly, but didn’t look away from the opposite wall. “This Is The Way.”

“It was not The Way for other Mandalorians! She was clan Vard’on; her ancestors were there to ride the Mythosaur. I met her clan! I saw their faces!”

“Some Mandalorians have abandoned the true ways. But you have not yet answered my question. Did she see your face?” she asked again, completely unfazed from his outrage.

He sucked in several shuddering breaths as the cruel truth welled up in his throat.

Nia was his Match. She was bonded so closely to him he felt her emotions. She had agreed to marry him. She wanted to be one when they were together, to be one when they were apart, to share everything, to raise their children as warriors, and yet–

“No. She never knew my face.”

The only sound was his low gasps as he wept for all that had been stolen from his care, stolen because he hadn’t been vigilant enough to protect it. Reckless, careless, and now–

Matchless.

He dropped back onto the bench, head in hands as the truth ran its course through him, leaking out drop by drop, till he was Empty.

Only once he’d grown quiet again, did the Armorer stand and walk calmly to where his helmet had landed. Never once looking at him.

“Even in your hardship, you have been given a blessing.”

Din stared down at his hands, empty and disconnected. “What blessing?” he asked, bitterly.

“The galaxy can take your Match. It can take your parents, your planet. And one day, it will take your life,” she said calmly as she circled around to stand behind him. “But it cannot take your belief.”

She set the helmet down on the bench next to him and continued, “Hold fast. And do not surrender what can never be taken from you, Mandalorian.”

He stared at the helmet for a long while.

If he walked away right now, he would truly have No One. Nothing.

And he would deserve it.

He rested a hand on the top, and the emptiness between his lungs cauterized to a permanent hole. Ragged, but not bleeding. Not anymore.

He picked the helmet and slipped it over his head, seeing the world only through his view screen once more.

“This Is The Way,” the Armorer said.

“This Is The Way,” he repeated.

After all,

What’s a lost Match to a man like Din Djarin?

End of Part I

Interlude I ; posting soon!

taglist: @loversandantiheroes ; @kelenloth ; @keeper0fthestars ; @sarahjkl82-blog ; @thirstworldproblemss ; @spideysimpossiblegirl ; @i-belong-in-fandoms ; @gallowsjoker ; @nova646 ; @darnitdraco

[incarnation-issues]

[looks at the latest drama]

this is really confirming my decision to be comfortable with "genderweird" but not "genderqueer" as a gender label and to describe my sexuality with the empty string or "gynephilic" instead of "wlw" or "kinsey 5+" much less wading into the murky waters of "lesbian" or "technically bisexual"

the internet seems to be really mad at moderately genderweird afabs, lesbians who would ever in a million years consider having sex with a man, and bisexuals who aren't attracted to basically any men. it's obnoxious.

honestly on some level I identify as … not a straight woman, but having the normal sexuality that ~everyone has according to the ambient cultural memes I grew up with, which is attraction to women. all of you who are doing something radical with your attraction to women are free to have fun with that but you shouldn't be disappointed when I fail to do so. I am going to ~betray the sisterhood~ or whatever and if you don't like it you can go pound sand.

[lover-of-trash-and-people]

bittersweet netflix shadow and bone finale (s1 e8) rewatch; accoutrement: white wine with ice cubes in it (no YOU'RE a mom drink shh)

my wine's like fruity I love her

light and darkness title card we love to see it

Inej looking at Alina before she goes below deck to hide <3

okay that 'what can you really do on your own' was like not fun that shit hurted

okay but Jesper's 'not enough'? <3

oh no my baby Zoya's first inkling that Darkles does not really care

omg Helnik just appeared and I remembered how much heartbreak I have to face in this episode

gods I love Danielle as Nina so so much

'this can't be it' said she with her pleading smile with downturned eyebrows MA'AM I-

don't break my dumb little heart

I might hate Calahan's little accent but they're making me tear up

oh gods I literally cannot keep a hold on myself when Dani's accent bleeds through with full force, it's like she comes more alive or smth

'I will keep you warm' SIR WHAT-

I am surprised they showed a leaning in for a kiss so soon but I'm not mad about it

her little eyebrow twitch at 'what are waffles'

when that rando said 'i hunt slavers now' a dread settled into me because I knew what was about to go down

Matthias looking somberly at the stuffed wolf's head </3

I am so incredibly entranced by this exchange between Fedyor and Nina and what it represents, it's very interesting that they pushed up their storyline to match with the timeline

damn it's kind of jarring to be back in the Fold

'REMEMBER WHO'S DRIVING'??!!!! *you better stop* meme, *i am, disgusted* meme, *oh wow, oh wow* meme

Mal you fucking idiot you could never take the crows by surprise

the music rising as Kaz starts explaining his thought process, fucking perfection

haha Mal bitchass Inej caught you

'Because if he isn't with Kirigan's crew, he's with ours' WHEN I TELL YOU I SCREAMED

'And why would we destroy the Fold? It's the greatest weapon we've got' valid point at the moment but you know I don't necessarily agree with your methods

the use of the light tunnel in the show instead of Alina just being a super flashlight in the books is quite an interesting addition as well

is this an inappropriate time to point out how pretty Ben Barnes is

okay I kind of love the depiction of the shadow powers okay sue me

'they are traitors who tried to kill you' why are you suddenly making valid points despite having kind of committed low scale genocide

'i never said I was smart' YES MAL BE THE VOICE OF HIMBOS EVERYWHERE

Kaz's face going from 'can you believe this idiot' at Mal to 'fuck me I'm gonna do the same thing aren't I' at Inej

'For who would oppose us now?' *himbo romantic rival appears out of nowhere and shoots at him* god I love this show

him standing calmly in his ridiculous all black attire after nodding at his soldier to stop the himbo in his tracks, i fucking can't

could she summon light without the Darkling making her after he put the collar on her until the uhm moment in the books? idts but in the show she can hmm

'only because I'm not in the game' you tell him Jesper

not me snickering at 'you'll be seen not as a saviour, but as a heretic' LMFAO

'Shame. I'll have to give that speech again now.' THIS SHOW IS A FUCKING COMEDY AND YOU CAN'T PROVE ME WRONG

YES LET'S FUCKING GO SULI SOLIDARITY

Darkles casually whipping the Cut out like a shuriken or a throwing knife at Jesper because he shot at him lmao I can't

INEJ FUCKING GHAFA STABBED ONE THE OLDEST AND MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE IN THAT WORLD AND THAT IS VERY TELLING OF HER POWER

that moment where you actually think that affected him despite having read the books and watched the show

and then he has to go and fucking say 'it will take more than this' and I can't be help but be a little bit impressed at this old fool's resilience

throwback to when he said 'the king is a child' sir you make some valid points sometimes and it does make it difficult to hate you

I would just like to inform everyone that it is currently 6:09 am IST and I am sipping my second mug of wine while watching netflix sab for the second time instead of doing my three papers that are due tomorrow

I'm sorry but Inej jumping to check on Zoya after she gets knocked over by the volcra? first class display of solidarity and sisterhood as well as Inej's inherent kindness

Kaz jumping in front of a FUCKING VOLCRA AND STABBING IT WITH HIS CANE to save Inej, you best believe love is true, kids

god the volcra are so ugly and gross, they did such a good job with them

they kind of remind me of these creatures (I think they might have been called Hollows or smth) from the Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children movie

STAG VISION TIME

despite my dislike for the callous nature with which the stag plotline was handled, I kind of dig the stag vision scene

'It's just me and you now, Alina. And we're all we need, anyway.' I actually feel bad for this old fool simping for this wonderful gorgeous powerful woman despite lying to her and manipulating her and exploiting her power

okay 'I never needed you' *stabs the bone fragment out of his hand* beautiful power move I fucking love you so so much

alright ben looking like ✨ that✨ not only in physical pain but also emotional pain at what the Darkling clearly considers another betrayal from this girl he wants to give the world and maybe? loves? maybe? or at least has feelings for makes my fucking heart hurt while simultaneously soar at Alina taking back control and reclaiming her power as her own and stepping into her own

'how do you claim such power' okay could have had better dialogue there writers

the fucking score lifting as she says 'you cannot claim what was not given to you' good people my heart is full

one day I'll talk about my defense of the chosen one trope because god damn I kind of love it

hmm I wonder was that brief hesitation that we saw on Alina's face due to her thinking about the 'you chose to betray our people' comment or the 'i was trying to save us' comment because that will define some of her actions in the later seasons (hopefully god if we get some, I honestly don't know what with this stupid brownface debacle)

I'm not saying talking about brownface and pointing out that it is wrong (for further context, I am actually brown) and harmful is stupid btw I'm talking about the incidents involving brownface in question

I don't wanna talk about this anymore but I might feel like I need to and end up posting about it idk

goodness Ivan actually believing in this cause makes me so sad because he too has been victimized by the system that ostracizes Grisha and he has every right to feel the way that he does

Ben actually fighting in that ridiculously heavy cloak and kefta when he's about to turn 40 this year makes me super impressed because I as a 19 year old sometimes wake up with muscle pulls after weeks of inactivity it's weird idk

also I understand that this Mal Darkling fight is completely fanservice and serves nearly no purpose to the plot in general but like I? love it?

'I don't have to kill you Darkling. Your past will do it for me' YES HIMBO GO OFF YOU TELL THAT OLD MAN GODS THAT WAS SEXY AS FUCK

maybe it's because I know Darkles will survive and will come out of it more powerful but I can't get myself to feel bad for him at the moment

Inej and Mal tearing up at Alina's condition made me almost feel something despite it being super obvious she was gonna be fine and save their asses at the last moment

HER POWER

a solitary Kaz in spotted on the western side of the newly expanded fold in his signature all black emo boy look

okay but the crows with zoya and malina is such an adorable team? I literally love them so much?

INEJ'S FUCKING SMILE AT ALINA GIVING HER THE DAGGER AND KAZ LOOKING AT HER AGSGSGSHSJSJSK MY HEART CAN'T TAKE THIS ANYMORE

SHE KNOWS JUST WHAT TO NAME IT WELL GIRLIE I KNOW IT TOO AND MY FUCKING HEART IS LITERALLY GONNA BURST

okay I know they had one interaction but Mal and Jesper would be besties in another universe

Kaz glaring at Jesper when he answers ''course not' to Alina's 'will you still be trying to kidnap me?' tell me one fucking adaptation that got the dynamics between characters this perfectly

okay why do I love that Alina kept the jewellery as maybe a small nod to she has the wits to, um, you know, I don't wanna say steal, but, um, yeah, steal it because she knew she would need money to survive on the run

oh Jessie I love you so much I wish you hadn't said those things on you ig story about the brownface

it's like every single celeb I grow attached to god's like nope that one is going to do or say something problematic (hey btw im not reassigning blame to god for stuff people have done out of their own free will, 'twas a joke)

AAAAAAAH them saying 'the deal is the deal' in the show even though they didn't have to but like they did and I love them for it

Inej literally not being able to not stare at Kaz's face and smile after this <3

'I didn't expect it to burn at all. But it can be destroyed in the end. Just like him' babe you're not wrong but like um just you wait

god Mal being on supportive boyfie mode is well, absolutely adorable, obviously, but I wish we got to see more of him as a person outside of his attachment to Alina

kaz my little demjin I wish you hadn't have had to suffer so much to meet the crows and find your calling

fastforwarding Zoya's arc is also an interesting choice to me

I wish the hug hadn't been done though, it didn't feel earned

maybe Alina awkwardly and half-heartedly (remember, at this point the alliance is fresh and they still don't entirely trust each other) reached for a hug and Zoya avoided her? and then the rest of Zoya's lines followed? that would have made more sense to me at least

I love Sujaya as well, she brought life into Zoya with whatever little screentime and scraps of writing she got

inej asking kaz 'what's your angle?' beep bop bleep morp I sense another incoming embarrassing love confession

'but we do need you' *stares at her face intensely* 'I need you' ah look at the clock, look's like it's time to screech and flap your arms like you're a volcra because you're incapable of containing your emotions

NO YOU CAN'T GO DIRECTLY FROM KANEJ PROGRESS TO HELNIK BREAKUP (TEMPORARY, MIND YOU)

helnik my loves you don't deserve this I'm so sorry for both of you

Matthias fucking smiling ruefully while he says 'this was... just a cruel joke all along' THIS IS NOT FUCKING OKAY

omg hellgate

AAAAAAAAH NINA IS ON THE SAME FRAME AS THE OG CROWS I CAN'T HANDLE THIS

CAMERA PAN FROM KAZ SAYING 'JUST HOW THIS ALL STARTED... WE'RE GONNA NEED A HEARTRENDED' TO NINA OVERHEARING HIM AND LOOKING OVER?????!!!!!! WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING THIS TO ME?!

Nina genuinely being curious as to the status of the sun saint because she obviously still cares

Also, 'But she is a Saint' okay Kaz trying to earn brownie points you have succeeded

DID THAT SAILOR JUST SAY 'GOED MORGEN FENTOMEN' TO MALINA BECAUSE I AM NOT OKAY WITH THEM JUST THROWING THAT IN MY FACE ALL OF A SUDDEN

gods I know I'll probably see them again but my heart is full of sorrow as my eyes drink in the sight of my crows for the last time for a while

I know people were annoyed at the meadow flashbacks but guess what? as a darklina, I loved them

'now that the Darkling is dead' could have phrased that a little differently my dudes that line needed to hold more weight

am I glad that they showed Darkles in this state with his nichevo'ya as a tasty little cliffhanger despite not being entirely true to the source material? maybe but only because Ben Barnes saying 'follow' and the nichevo'ya doing exactly so sent a chill down my spine

well, that's it for now, I'll have to move on I guess, get back to my real life which I'm obviously not ready to do

thank you to whoever actually read these things

I probably should have just made reactions or commentary videos instead but I'm lazy

my tumblr will probably go into inactivity once more as I emerge from my stint in the grishaverse

it was quite short (less than 2 months), considering the length of my other obsessions but it was definitely more intense than the other ones