#you are lying and nobody will believe you (i am gaslighting you go along with it or i will cry)

[strawberry-hachi]

Kenma x GN! Reader x Kuroo

Kenma and Kuroo will always hold a special place in your heart.

The first time you'd met them was separately. You were the only other kid in the neighborhood and Kenma's mom had wanted him to make friends since he stayed in the house all day.

"Hello!"

He was a quiet boy with long, black hair that reached his shoulders. He responded with a small, "Hi.." that he had to repeat because you couldn't hear him. He was small, if not a bit scrawny, but when you came over next time with a Gameboy, the way his face lit up gave promise that he was more than that.

Kuroo Tetsuro, on the other hand, you had met much later. He had moved to Tokyo probably a month or two after you met the boy named Kenma and he was introduced to Kenma first.

Kenma, a bit more socialized, hung around the boy and talked with him while they played games. However, as you recall this memory now, Kuroo was quite the non-verbal kid until school hit.

It's a fond memory, when you first met him. You had come over to Kenma's house on your own accord under the hot summer sun and Kenma's mom, as kind as she was, let you in without a doubt in her mind.

So, when you went upstairs to say hi to Kenma, you were surprised to see another boy around the same age with hair that spiked in all directions as though he went straight here from bed.

And you two stared at each other for a long while until you, as excitable as you were, bounced to him and introduced yourself.

Kenma had introduced him as Kuroo Tetsuro and your young mind, thinking it'd be funny, called him Shiro as a play on his name.

Kenma freaked out at Kuroo's lack of response but after a moment or two, he laughed.

It was the first time either of you had heard his voice.

You three were inseparable after that. Though you quite often had to drag them both out of the house because one of them didn't like the sun and the other was scared of people.

This certain memory had been one of those times. You had barged into Kenma's house yet again to drag him outside.

With that you two had went to Kuroo's house and you had to ask, very kindly, for Kuroo by his father who was absolutely ecstatic that his son had friends.

The moment Kuroo saw you, he had sprinted upstairs and it wasn't until he saw Kenma that he went along with your devious plans.

Today was a special day you see. Today was the day you build a fort for the three of you.

Of course, when you had brought up the idea to Kenma at first, he retorted saying his room was just fine for the three of you.

You, as young as you were, had bounced back saying that a secret hideout would be cool and Kenma, as young as he was, agreed before saying that you would do all the work cause it was your idea.

And so, here you were, out in the woods, dragging them to the spot you had found for your secret hideout.

You had worn high yellow rain boots that day alongside a sunhat much too big for you because it was your guardian's. It kept falling down on your face when you were travelling and even caused you to misstep and tumble into a river. Although shallow, you got soaked and Kuroo, upon seeing this, somehow convinced himself it was the perfect time to run.

With this, you were both soaked because you grabbed his shirt to try and stop him and just pulled him in. Kenma laughed so hard he almost fell over as well.

With that out of the way however, you were getting close to your destination.

The place in question was shaded by trees high enough that you couldn't see where they stopped or began. Even as you head back to the hideout every so often you stare in amazement as you can't seem to spot where it stops.

The cicadas that day were buzzing and you remember because of how hot it was and Kenma complaining about the noise as Kuroo quietly followed along, holding onto Kenma.

You had brought a long stick to act as your walking stick and so every so often, when Kenma got on your nerves, you'd poke him with it before continuing onwards.

Kenma, although he has gotten quieter, was always quite the complainer and it seemed to double whenever it was just you three and so quite often did you have to turn around and beat him with the stick whenever he complained about the heat or gravity.

The place itself was quite boring, with a barren and flat grass bottom and two trees flanking one another, but what made it really special was the ground that rose up two times higher than you that both of the trees were up against that jutted out at the top to create a little roof. It was a mixture of rock, mineral and dirt and you knew that geologically it was formed for some reason to do with water, but the way it jutted out to create a roof over your head while it was raining last week was the confirmation you needed that this was destiny. Much later you learned it is what is called a terrace in nature

Anyways, it was what made you want a hideout.

And with Kuroo and Kenma's free labor of bringing the various tools and supplies to make the hideout, you were set.

What you had done was secure two giant tarps onto the ground above by pinning them, and you admit it was hard to get up there until you began climbing by using the tree's roots that jutted out through the dirt, and then let it drape down onto the trees to create a roof and then you had begun to collect foliage, leaves, branches, anything, to cover the tarp as well as slowly build the walls. The entire time Kenma and Kuroo stayed inside the base as you worked. You found it funny and called them out on it, but Kenma simply said that you agreed to it and so you shut up.

At some point while you were collecting more foliage, it had begun to rain, and it was bad. Your clothes were completely soaked when you had gotten back, but while Kenma looked surprised and Kuroo looked horrified, they were completely dry. You felt proud that your hard work had protected your friends and had said so at the time, but they didn't say anything back and so you simply got back to work reinforcing the hideout.

It was thundering and the branches were swaying with the wind and so, upon realizing that there was nothing else you could do until the storm let up, you joined them as you crawled through the little opening you made with the foliage.

It was actually quite okay inside and pretty well insulated upon inspection and so you simply took to work inside as you used the little shovel Kenma brought and the bucket Kuroo dug out to keep the walls insulated. Every so often you would put the dirt filled bucket outside in the rain and take it back inside when it was utterly soaked and muddy so that you could use it to build up the walls.

Kenma simply watched you but at some point Kuroo began helping as you taught him how to build up the wall with the mud.

He nodded vigorously as he, quite clumsily, tried to help. You giggled during that particular moment and Kenma had called you creepy, but you couldn't help it because this was the first time Kuroo had initiated a conversation (or as much of a conversation he could muster) with you.

At some point you began sneezing and feeling faint and so Kenma, who was freaking out at this, thought it best to huddle as close as he could to you. Kuroo, who had a little more brain on the situation, had deduced that you were sick and you he attempted to wrap around you just like Kenma and you three became a big sick sandwich hug.

By the time the storm let up, the sun was going down and both you and Kuroo had mud stained hands and you specifically had soaked through clothes and a nasty fever. Kenma, in all his wise wisdom, had told you to quit it and that we can come back tomorrow and so, with a tearful goodbye to your seconda home, you all ventured off to the scolding of a lifetime.

But that didn't deter you as you dragged Kenma there the next day. Kuroo specifically waking up early so he could join you guys.

The mud has dried nicely and now the house had walls and a bit more space since you and Kuroo dug out part of the cliff.

Despite still being sick, you three stayed there for hours as you watched the two play volleyball while staying in the safety of the fortress you had built.

Every so often you would go fetch the ball when it wandered too far since you knew the forest the best out of you three, and Kenma, despite being tired and worn out, had the brains to call you some forest beast because of your affinity.

Kuroo had to break up your fight before you decided to infect Kenma with your cold.

At the end of the day, you, Kuroo and Kenma had all huddled up inside the cave and shared stories of before you came to Tokyo.

Kenma had always lived in Tokyo but he had one story of when he went outside of it to the country side. He expected it to be quiet but it really wasn't, and the people were much too friendly for his tastes. He was upset that everybody knew everyone and didn't like being known. You laughed as he recalled the embarrassing memories of growling at a kid for trying to speak with him and biting another for hugging him.

Kuroo, meanwhile, had lived in a different place of Japan all of his life until this point and so he told story after story after Kenma finished. Such as one where he caught a snake, or another where he was able to sneak into a grocery store and steal some snacks for his volleyball friends. It was the most talkative you two had seen him and so you both listened with smiles, yours noticeably larger.

At the end of it he simply thanked both of you for being his friends as Kenma made a gagging noise and you snorted at his choice of words. He obviously backtracked as he realized how heartfelt the words sounded, but he didn't deny them. He never did.

With you as the last one, you simply recalled before your family moved to Japan all those years ago. You recall the hot summer months and a mother tongue barely familiar to you now. At the end of it all you smile and make fun of both of them for their boring stories.

Both Kenma and Kuroo jump for you as it turns to a battle inside the house you built for you three. Kenma had jumped first as he went to shake you as he attempted to say how boring your story was. Kuroo, meanwhile, joined in for the laughs as he tried to go after you and then proceeded to tackle Kenma to the ground, successfully getting all three of you tangled by your awkward limbs.

The years passed quickly after that. Each year more blurrier than the last. As they grew, so did you. You were part of different middle schools because of your guardian's insistence on academics; so you only saw them when they would come over to hang out.

Such as when Kuroo, taller now and much more talkative, had dragged you out to your secret hideout you made all those years ago to study. You three seldom visited because of your conflicting schedules, but you knew that Kenma and Kuroo must have visited often because of the regular footprints in the dirt and the new additions inside the little cave such as chairs and tables and little desks to put things on. You often travelled there alone simply to make upgrades on it, and at one point you had spent an entire day making a volleyball court outside of it a little ways away in another open space and the very next day you had your window broken into by Kuroo who was carrying Kenma by the torso and who was all but ecstatic that you had made it.

He was so happy you had made it and even said that he wouldn't ever need a gym or house if you could just make it; which made you laugh. The day had then consisted of the two staying inside your room as you played games, watched volleyball games on Kuroo's phone and got absolutely destroyed by Kenma on your PSP.

As highschool was slowly arising, Kenma and Kuroo, alongside you, had begun to make big changes.

Kuroo, for one had gotten a major growth spurt, but he also got more muscular, somehow even more charismatic, if not charming, and slowly you had wondered if he was the same nonverbal boy that you had met all those years ago.

It's not like it was any different with Kenma either. Once he was shorter than you, but now you find yourself having to compete to see who is taller. Now, you realize how observant he is; something you didn't care for before. Or how devious, or downright malicious, he can get.

When you were younger you thought his complaining was annoying, if not his entire character, but now you realize it is something he seldom does, even more so without any venom behind. It made your heart squeeze at the thought that he cared enough to not regard other people's judgement for you and Kuroo.

You had begun to wonder if these were the same boys you grew up with at times. It was as though they were leaving you behind.

And yet, they were still the same. Kuroo still would throw rocks at your window to get your attention so that he could hangout in your room. Kenma still arrived at your house in the middle of the night to escape Kuroo; giving you one hell of a scare.

They were still the boys you loved.

You just weren't sure what kind of love anymore. If it was familial and platonic or something different.

Your years at Nekoma, as you entered highschool, were chaotic.

Letting Kuroo and Kenma know you were finally going to be in the same school as them had them quite literally screaming and it took all you had to not join them.

Things had changed, you weren't the same, over excitable kid anymore. You were more mature, more composed now.

But you wouldn't say that you didn't enjoy getting to be like that again.

The first day you had arrived at Nekoma, Kuroo had quite literally waltzed into your classroom, ignored the teacher who had said he would get detention if he didn't leave, sat on your desk, and demanded that you become the manager for the boy's volleyball or that he would never leave your house again.

You had gawked at him as he was dragged out by two other third years. Their names you later learn being Kai and Yaku.

It didn't get better though as during lunch, Kenma had walked right up to you and dragged you to the gymnasium to eat with him and the other volleyball players. Kuroo was grinning the entire time and you didn't appreciate being asked by one of their first years if you were dating one of them or not.

You do admit that Kuroo and Kenma both freezing at the question before absolutely losing it was hilarious and you laughed and made fun of both of them, even if you didn't quite understand why they had acted like that.

At the end of the day though, you had practically signed your death certificate as the volleyball coach, Coach Nekomata, patted you on the back and thanked you for always being there for Kuroo and Kenma who couldn't stop talking about you during practice.

Kuroo quite literally face planted when he overheard it and Kenma, who was informed of what Coach Nekomata said, had proceeded to begin listing out various ways he could screw over the team.

You, meanwhile, mentally errored at the fact that they talked about you just like you did with them. If they even attempted to talk to your friends from middle school, they would know that they were all you talked about to the point that, "Hopeless" became your nickname for how hopelessly in love you were.

You did not make fun of them over that fact on the way home and they simply ignored it happened all together as Kenma laid across your lap to play games and Kuroo leaned his head against yours as he watched volleyball matches with you on your phone.

So much had changed, but also not. It was confusing to navigate at times, but you managed.

Even if your brain would stop functioning for a moment when Kuroo decided to carry you all the way to the gymnasium because you sprained your ankle. Or when Kenma had made friends with a particularly bright boy named Hinata who gushed about you being the lover Kenma couldn't shut up about.

Both instances, the two were called out by either Coach Nekomata or a fellow teammate, and in either instance they flushed a cherry red, Kenma's more subtle, before raining havoc against the person in question.

At times you wondered if you were being played with emotionally, or if Kenma and Kuroo had finally reached that stage where they couldn't care less about screwing anybody over emotionally.

But whenever you started getting these thoughts, you would escape through your window and run back to the hideout where all of this started. Where promises were made and kept like battle scars. You would probably kill for one of them if they truly asked it of you.

It was a time like this, a few weeks before nationals, where you had holed yourself up in your little hobbit hole.

It had gotten smaller, and you bigger, and so you had to crawl to get through the entrance and you only really fit if you huddled up into some cocoon and pressed your chin to your knees.

Memories carve the muddy walls with finger prints and claw marks, but besides that the room is barren. Once there was furniture, now there is nothing but memories.

You had stayed there for who knows how long as you listened to the sharp blowing of wind and breathed in the fresh scent of incoming rain. The scent wasn't nearly as noticeable in the heart of Tokyo, and if anything the smell of gasoline and cigarettes pervaded every area of the city.

It takes a while to get used to and once you had brought it up to Kenma who had responded that he didn't smell anything, but a few days later he carried cologne around with him everywhere.

Kuroo, bless him, had never even thought about the scent until it was brought up in conversation but recalled when he first moved that he hated going outside because of it. It made you feel bad but he reassured you that the forests around the area didn't have the same scent.

You hug yourself a little tighter as the wind seems to get through the walls of your enclosure. You reminisce too much, but you cannot help it. It feels like your friends have been replaced with strangers and you are being left behind. That perhaps, just maybe, that you aren't catching up fast enough.

It was only a few months ago that Kenma met Hinata Shoyo, but since then he had completely transformed into the boy you have rarely seen since that first day in the forest.

A boy confident in himself and his abilities and someone utterly terrifying given the opportunity. You grinned at him as he told you his plans during nationals and all he did was return it. No words needed to be traded.

However, besides that, they were practically strangers. You couldn't carry a conversation like you used to with them and sometimes it felt as though one day you would just stop talking completely after all of this. That, once you all graduated, they would just be strangers. A stranger, but you knew their favorite colors, that they liked plaid, not polka dots, that when they smiled, one had dimples and the other had fangs, that one could tan enormously easily and the other only got sunburnt, or that when they went to get food Kuroo would take anything with protein and Kenma had to be physically dragged away from the candy aisle. Sometimes, you would wake up in cold sweat from those dreams. Dreams of you walking past them, and them not recognizing you and you barely recognizing them. It feels terrifying to know someone, but still be too far away from them.

Why didn't Yaku or Kai have this problem with Kuroo? They never showed any hesitation when speaking with Kuroo, and yet every time they attempted to include you in their special trio it always felt like you were the odd one out. You saw that Kai could sense it and so often you would excuse yourself from the conversations.

Or with Kenma and Fukunaga and Yamamoto. Yamamoto, while he does tend to scare you, does try and include you on their group activities as you are in the same year, yet you can barely start a conversation with Fukunaga and everything with Kenma is like a dead end. He stares right through you as though you are one of his complex puzzles and sometimes, just sometimes, you wonder if maybe that is all you are to him.

Blinking out of those memories you shuffle yourself further into your home as you finally hear rain being to pour. It's a few drops at first, but quickly it's pouring.

It was hard to call this a home, when only you could really visit it. You didn't see Kuroo's or Kenma's tracks here anymore and the volleyball court you made, although small, was barely ever touched unless you yourself made edits. It was like a house with the lights on, but no one was home. You felt like the nervous dog waiting for the owners that would never return.

You attempt to stand up, realizing the hole you are spiraling into, but quickly bump your head as you duck and check if everything is all right. You don't feel any blood and you made sure not to use rocks to insulate the roof.

You let out a breathy laugh before attempting to go outside. The attempt, although successful, leaves you drenched as you begin to walk through the forest back home.

You have always been good at navigating the natural world. You couldn't handle a GPS for the life of you but if dropped in the middle of nowhere, you would somehow stay alive. Kenma had mentioned once how this was the perfect skill set for a manager, and you weren't quite sure how to respond other than laugh.

However, the further you get from the hideout, the more you doubt your skills. The rain, as heavy as it is, weighs you down like an extra weight and brings a fog you had not previously seen in the forest.

You can barely see much ahead of you and with little else except fear and adrenaline in you, you try and tread as carefully as possible.

Because of the rain, what were once easy slopes to navigate become muddy hills that threaten your own life. More than once do you get a scare as you begin to slide downwards, unable to stop yourself.

In a spout of doubt, you crouch down and huddle in on yourself as you think that maybe, just maybe, you should have waited instead of trying to run away from your feelings and thoughts. That maybe you should get to the bottom of what is going on.

You hear a voice in the distance, the voice unrecognizable and their words garbled amongst the rain, but it's enough to make you continue.

You slide down some muddy rocks as the voice gets closer and you begin to make out the tone. You remember when he was squeaky the first time he laughed but his voice dropped around the last year of middle school.

You are able to make out his figure in all the fog and rain as you get closer to his voice, his noticeable hunched back as he screams your name.

Finally a few feet away, you whistle at him as his head snaps to your direction. You didn't expect it to be so full of worry.

"Need something, Tetsuro?"

His face morphs into one of his rare grimaces as he stomps (though he looks more like he is slipping around then anything else) to you, grabs your shoulder and begins dragging you opposite of where you came.

"I know you don't want to talk for whatever reason but I can't read your mind, Tetsuro," He always gets an odd look on his face whenever you say his name, and you haven't been able to ever really decipher it. It was around the time you joined Nekoma that he began reacting like this, similarly with Kenma whenever you called him by his name as he seemed to freeze up a little before striking you with eyes that fell like they were cutting through you.

Sometimes you were unsure if they ever even liked you to begin with, but Kuroo's father had freaked out when you told him this and said that he couldn't shut up about you before Kuroo dragged you away.

He slows down from his military march as he turns to you, his face a bit more somber, but still frowning, "I was worried when I called and you didn't pick up is all."

Were you guys still doing that? Back before you joined Nekoma you would all keep in contact by the family phone you had downstairs so you could all talk at the same time on the phone, but it had stopped after you joined Nekoma.

"I didn't realize we were still doing that, my bad," You give him a wry smile as he lets out an awkward laugh before continuing ahead.

You two end in an awkward silence as you continue walking and you can't help but feel like he has something to say but can't say it. You wonder if this is the day where he has decided to stop being your friend. You expected it but weren't prepared for it being so early.

You come to a stop as Kuroo lurches forward before turning to you with a blank expression and wide eyes.

"You're going the wrong way."

"Am not."

"Are too."

You raise an eyebrow as his somber expression seems to brighten, "You were always better at this stuff than I was."

"That's because I used to eat dirt."

"We ate dirt together?"

You snort as he gives a grin towards you before continuing onwards.

"Though seriously, this isn't in the direction of your house or mine, the trees in this area are more sparse," You point out as the rain continues to pelt on both of you.

"That's because we are going to Kenma's."

You raise an eyebrow at this as you finally see the boy in question's house a bit of ways away.

"Why?"

His cheerful mood seems to dissipate to a more serious one as your heart hammers in your chest like you are about to receive the death sentence.

You look away from him and continue on, swiping your hand back from his as you make the trek a little ways behind him. You don't dare look at his reaction and you ignore his hands tightening into fists when you do so.

You both are in Kenma's backyard as Kuroo rummages through his pocket and gets out his spare key to unlock the back door. Kuroo, oddly, had a talent at using his father's 3D printer and this was only discovered by you and Kenma when you both were playing games at your house and he had unlocked the door with a 3D printed key because he couldn't wait for you to unlock the door for him.

You always forgot how luxurious his house was, as both of his parents were considerably wealthy while your parents moved to Japan for a better living. The wooden floors were spotless until you both came trudging in knee high with mud, and the soft atmosphere coupled with the luxurious lights that illuminated the darkened house seems to disappear as Kuroo quickly marched into Kenma's kitchen to fish out food.

You yourself relegated to trying to get off as much mud as possible on your pants before inviting yourself in. You could apologize later for getting water on the wooden floors but first you had to find slippers. Upon further inspection they were in the same little room at the front of the house all those years ago. It had been years since you last visited and yet everything was still in the same place it was. You made an effort not to look at Kuroo for too long as he hunched over the microwave as he heated up two meals he found in the freezer.

You hear ruffling upstairs as well as a bit of commotion; as though someone kept falling around and hitting the floor, and you only assumed Kenma figured out you were both here.

However, when he comes downstairs, he is holding a knife as he stares at you two. He quickly puts it down but cusses out Kuroo in the process.

"Did you not tell him?"

Kuroo shrugged, "I assumed he knew I would come here."

"Fuckface," He grimaced at the rooster headed boy as he made a silly, if not stupid face at Kenma that only served to tick him off more.

"Do you know how late it is? What are you doing here?" He set the knife down on the table in front of the kitchen, turning on the lights in the dining room. It was a small, but still fancy, chandelier and when you first saw it Kenma had lamented that it wasn't as big as the one they had in their vacation home. You had slapped his head for that one.

"You say that yet you're awake," Kuroo raises an eyebrow as he opens the microwave and taste tests the food, before grimacing and putting it back in for thirty more seconds.

"We already have established why I stay up late so shut up," He groaned, crossing his arms. His hair was messy, but not to Kuroo's extent. He wore an oversized Misfit's T-shirt with some sweatpants and it was clear that he was playing some game as he still wore his headphones that likely unplugged when he heard the commotion and went to go check. Overall he looked very Kenma.

Kuroo repeats Kenma's words in a mocking tone, high pitched and squealing as Kenma makes a sound that reminds you of when your guardian's car broke down and set itself on fire.

Kenma, finally seeming to realize you are here, widens his eyes. He looks down at himself as he seems to smooth out some permanent wrinkles on his t-shirt as he takes his headphones off and smoothes his hair. He gives you a once over, "You look like someone tried to drag you to hell."

"Thanks," You give him a nod and a thumbs up as you give your own attempt at looking neater. He closes the few feet you had between you as he goes to fixing your drenched hair and you work on wringing out the water still in your clothes. He barely gives a thought as the water gets onto him.

He stops momentarily messing with your hair and you choose to not look at him, fearing the expression on his face.

Kuroo, meanwhile, makes a noise of triumph as he takes one of the microwave meals out of the microwave and sets it on the counter, "Do you want anything Ken?"

"Nah I have food upstairs."

"Of course you do," You laugh as Kuroo makes a snorting noise. Kenma turns to you, betrayal written on his face, "What does that mean?!"

"Whatever you want it to, casanova," Kuroo responds as Kenma gives him a look that could kill, "I could kill you and they would never stop finding your body."

"I think that's enough threats for today," You say, walking away from Kenma as his head snaps to you trailing away to the counter to pick at the microwave meal. It's mac and cheese, "Is this for you, Kuroo?"

"No, the other one I'm cooking is for me."

"He says, as though the microwave is cooking."

"Says the one with a private chef?!" He turns to look at him incredulously.

"He only comes on Mondays and Wednesdays?!" Kenma responds as both you and Kuroo groan.

"Oh I'm the weird one as though you don't constantly go on vacation during the summer."

"It's for my father's work, it's barely a vacation," You roll your eyes, "Shut up, nepo babies."

Kenma's jaw drops as Kuroo smacks his head against one of the cabinets and you almost start laughing as Kuroo drops and lays dead on the floor.

Kenma, ever quick with his expressions, shifts to one of discontent as he stares through you. It was something he had done lately that only added to your stresses. It was as though it was a cat watching a mouse through its enclosure.

"Why did you two really come here? You wouldn't just barge in unannounced for some shelter. Even Kuroo's house is closer."

Kuroo makes a choking noise as you can hear him whispering "It's Tetsuro.." before groaning and getting himself up as he checks on his food.

"Well, uh," He struggles to find words for himself for the first time in years, "I thought it best to explain that when we are all together, y'know?" He said more as a question than a statement.

Kenma takes a second to understand whatever the hell Kuroo is on about, but very quickly his eyes widen and switch swap between you and Kuroo before nodding and going to pull out a chair at the dining room table.

"I thought you wanted to say it, Kuroo?" He raises an eyebrow.

Kuroo shifts his body weight from foot to foot, "I was going to but when they weren't at their house and then I was told they went back to the hideout I kind of got cold feet," He looks anywhere but Kenma.

"Besides, you were always better at words than me."

"That's because I talked with the final boss here," He jabs a finger towards you, "Before I ever interacted with you, idiot."

He laughs, "Fair" He points a fork at Kenma before going back to tend to the microwave.

Did someone die? Is that what this is about? Have they accidentally come in contact with one of your ex's?

You still recall Kuroo getting in trouble because one of your ex's attempted to join practice to get you to quit and he punched him the moment he stepped through the doors. Surprisingly he didn't get kicked off the team because of his importance, but it was Kenma who was close to getting kicked off for whatever reason. He never showed up again though, so you can only thank them.

"Do you want me to just come out and say it?" He says, his gaze finally remaining on you as you feel a sweat fester on the back of your neck.

"Is it bad?"

"Maybe?" He shrugs, much too calm considering Kuroo is so visibly shaking in the kitchen that you can hear the clattering of utensils, "It depends on how you take it."

"Are you finally unfriending me?" You blurt out as you hear Kuroo cuss as something clatters onto the floor and Kenma freezes.

"What?"

"Is that not it?" You ask, sounding more scared than you'd like.

Kenma blinks a few times as he registers what you have said before quickly shaking his head and laughing, "What made you think that?"

"You guys have just been more..." You trailed off trying to find the words to say, "odd? As of late. Like you have some inner joke I'm not a part of."

At this point Kenma is laughing so hard he looks like he's about to fall over in his chair as Kuroo looks so defeated that you wonder if he is a kicked puppy instead of a cat.

"We should've told you sooner then," He finally says as he begins shoveling the microwave meal into his mouth and chewing obnoxiously to Kenma's chagrin.

"Hey we weren't sure how to approach it until the training camp and even then I had to map out how this interaction would go," Kenma rolls his eyes.

"That's because you have to be in control of everything," Kuroo places a hand on his hip with his face full of food.

"Oh don't get me started you piece of shi—"

You clear your throat as Kema immediately hushes down and Kuroo seems to slink back into the kitchen floor and under the counter from where you can see him. Funny enough though you can see his hair sticking out.

"I'll just rip the bandaid off then," Kenma grins. Those malicious grins that promise more pain than anything else, "Me and Kuroo are dating."

Oh.

"That's it?" You breathe a sigh of relief before laughing a little bit, "God that makes a lot more sense."

You begin laughing much harder now as Kenma stares at you like a cat caught in catnip and Kuroo behind cackling.

"I told you it'd be easy!"

"Yeah but that's not the extent of it," Kenma sticks his tongue out in Kuroo's direction as your heart drops again.

"Is this the bad news?" You question.

"Please stop being pessimistic my heart can only take so much," Kuroo groans.

"I mean," Kenma coughs, more nervous this time around, "It could be bad news to you?"

You give him an incredulous look as he smiles, but his hand is very obviously shaking on the table.

"Would you mind joining?"

"what?"

Kenma slams his head down onto the table as Kuroo lets out a fake whine on the kitchen tile that sounds almost like crying.

"Just let me down slowly! Please!" He whines as Kenma groans into his hands.

"You can be so stupid sometimes."

"Says the guy failing all his classes," You groan as his eye slightly twitches.

Kuroo, meanwhile, is complaining in the background as he seems to lament his food that was accidentally dropped on the floor in his dramatics.

"What I am trying to say is that I," Kuroo then yells a we, interrupting Kenma.

"We, want you to join us in the relationship," Kenma emphasizes as the reality of it all hits you.

"You like me?" You blink at him.

"You didn't realize?" He looks slightly worried, "Nekomata said I was coming off too strongly and Lev even made fun of me and you know how dense he is."

Oh. Oh.

Technically, you have won. You have liked them your entire life, but even this feels too sudden.

"Are you sure you're not just saying that to be compulsory heterosexual?" You say, "It's okay to admit that you only like guys—"

"Just shut up for a moment!" He snaps, looking at you, "I have always liked you and only recently did I know Kuroo felt, or feels I guess, the same! We can figure it all out as we go but I need an answer now so I can decide whether to drown myself in ice cream or to bring both of you upstairs!" He finally stops, breathing heavily as he slowly sits back down.

"So," he says, calmly, "Your answer?"

Your jaw goes slack as you look between Kenma and the counter as Kuroo attempts to hide his attempts at eavesdropping even though he is technically apart of the conversation.

"I mean I do like you both back, I always have," You say as Kenma's eyes blow wide and Kuroo jumps onto the counter in his muddy jeans to stare at you like the cat he always is, "but I need to know if you want this or are trying to say in a very odd way that our dynamic will stay the same."

Kenma throws his hands up in the air as Kuroo seems to stand still like a statue and you aren't sure he is breathing.

"Since you have so graciously gotten out of the hidden hells of the bottom cabinets, Kuroo, how about you help me here?" Kenma says, not so calmly as Kuroo makes a poor attempt at cackling but it just comes out as a cough.

Kenma then seems to try and absorb into his chair as he looks up at the illuminated chandelier, "This could've been so much easier if we weren't all cowards."

You tsk, "You two have always been the bold ones, I just was an extra pair of helping hands."

"You say that as though all of our hangouts and memories weren't made because you dragged us out of the house kicking and screaming," Kenma smiles.

It feels weird, to be able to talk about normal things in the very real presence of a possible relationship with the two. They don't feel like strangers right now, and perhaps they never were and you were the stranger.

"Okay!" Kuroo clears his throat as he, not so elegantly, falls over and across the counter and drags out a chair from under the table to sit with you two at the oddly large dinner table.

"We aren't fucking with you I promise and I don't know what we did to make you maybe think that but Kenma is absolutely serious even if he doesn't sound like it." He jabs a particularly nasty stare at Kenma as Kenma gives him the finger.

"I am glad that has been established, Tetsuro, but that doesn't solve the issue of how this would all work. Wouldn't I not encroach on your relationship?" You put your head in your hands as you stare at him. His eyes seem to soften as you hold his gaze before he puts his head in his hands.

"I think an important piece of information we are leaving out is that we have liked you before we even realized we liked each other," Kenma adds as Kuroo makes another very animalistic whine.

"But that's embarrassing."

"There is not a corner of my heart I would not turn over right now to convince them and you know this. Suck it up," Kenma sticks his tongue out at Kuroo as the man in question groans.

Kuroo lifts his head up, "Sorry, off track. We still need a yes or no," He stares at you as you cough up a laugh.

"I mean, yeah, of course, but I am just worried for you guys."

Kenma practically levitates out of his seat and right next to you at the table as his face seems to disfigure itself into the widest grin you have ever seen on his face. Kuroo, right across the table from you, begins clapping as he heads to the fridge; bringing out a large cake that is very messily written "For three!"

"You always thought of other people, Eve with that stupid hideout idea," He pulls you out of your seat as Kuroo attempts to find where Kenma hid candles.

"How long has this been in planning?"

"Since both me and Kuroo realized that we both wanted to kiss you alongside each other," He laughs as he swats Kuroo away from the utensils and goes to another drawer to bring out candles.

You laugh as Kuroo makes an attempt to glomp you, only for you to move out of the way as he almost falls face first on the stove.

"Oh my god look at the time," Kuroo points as it reads 2:43am on it.

Kenma shrugs, "I've seen worse."

"We have a game tomorrow?!" Kuroo almost pulls out his hair as he stares at Kenma.

"It's your fault not waiting until after the game like I said." He tuts as Kuroo turns to you, "Make the bully stop."

You laugh, "Kenma you're being mean."

"I know," he grins, "that's the fun part."

You snort as Kuroo makes a leap at Kenma and Kenma begins swatting him with a towel. It only makes you laugh harder.

Kenma and Kuroo hold a special place in your heart, and you don't think they will be relinquishing their hold on it anytime soon.

[commence-screaming]

I know you all are awaiting my response, and I’m grateful for your patience. There are some things I have to address here. Never wanted to put everything out there—I don’t like drama on my blog. I have a document that’s over a thousand words long, but I realized that when people have blocked me and are saying stuff in the main tag, they don’t want to listen. They just want to hurt me.

So I guess now there are things I have to clarify… it’s heavy, but I tried to keep it short. I didn’t have the energy to read everything they were saying about me so I may get things wrong. I didn’t really want to post this.

Content warnings for mental illness, suicidal ideation, mentions of abuse.

Let’s get right into it.

1. I’ve always lived with the paranoid delusion that everyone was conspiring against me, that people secretly hated me and would smear me behind my back. I passed these off as negative thoughts, anything that might’ve “confirmed” this would set it off. I’d have an episode I would have to deal with on my own. I thought that nobody would stick with me in a crisis, and I would always be thinking along the lines of, “is it all over?”

I feel liberated, now. There’s no need to fight when they’re true. I am more at peace with myself.

2. I never want to hurt anyone. Not a real level, the angst stuff is fictional pain. I am autistic—the things you’re hearing me say are the first times I’ve talked to people (other than my family) for my entire life. I always want people to go to me when I do something wrong so I can handle it and learn from my mistakes, that’s why I have my bio set to what it is.

That, and my memory is so fuzzy that I can’t remember too much from even last week. I tend to dissociate and my brain turns into mush.

3. The “minor incident” that Ghouse and the others were talking about was one of his mods saying she’d “tear people apart” and then immediately citing me as the main cause because I was “being rude.” I told her why I was taking a break, as I couldn’t handle it, this had happened before and I asked them to correct me if I was wrong—even confirming multiple times that we were just joking around because I was paranoid.

I suggested they go straight to me for future reference. I was having a mental health episode. She called me crazy and that I was overreacting, implying I was stupid. Another mod told me I was overreacting and that I was acting pathetic and childish. This made point 1 so much worse.

4. The “suicide baiting” was something I told the Panic Room server in confidence. I told them I was talking a break. Ghouse said “it wasn’t that bad but okay,” as if he were gaslighting me. He said things like this as I was sobbing alone in my room, which he was well aware of.

I have to clarify that it wasn’t baiting. Suicidal ideation has been something I’ve been dealing with since I was 9 years old. I have been abused/gaslit for more of my life than I have been safe. I never wanted to say this, but they were brushing me off at a point where I was trying to find a reason to live. I had stupidly thought that they would understand what they were doing to me if I said.

5. That was the first time I had an episode like that. To say that it was baiting is to say I was lying. Let’s play devil’s advocate here.

If I were lying for attention, why would I destroy all my relationships in a single night? Why wouldn’t I make art or something along those lines? They’re big on art.

If I wasn’t, then that would mean that I was having a few bad days and they did nothing to help me… beyond condescendingly saying that I need help. I don’t blame the minors in the server, I’m talking about Ghouse, who is older than I am by around 2 years. I told them I called 988 and it didn’t really work. He continued to tell me off.

After I was kicked I was made aware that they immediately started insulting me. Whether you believe me or not, purposely attacking someone who’s mentally ill is… too far. I hadn’t done anything to them before this incident.

6. The reasons I freaked out was because I was sad that I had unintentionally hurt people, I had started a new, dangerous job, and… well, to be honest, I was terrified.

They were making me forget that I’d been hurt. I was starting to trust them. I had been starting to look forward to tomorrow. And, I was so scared that it would all be over. I didn’t know when, just that it would be.

Now, it is.

7. I may very well have been joking around with everything while on the server, but serious topics were serious. I was never “demeaning” when Ghouse was venting about something that happened to him beyond a couple of lighthearted comments. I thought they’d have the same respect for me. Again, I had confirmed multiple times that I was joking.

8. I might not have done much wrong in the Panic Room situation, but the other things that people are saying about me? I had no idea.

That was the first time I’d ever heard of them.

In the past, my autism had gone completely unchecked. some of those things were from when I was a week into being on my first server… ever. I was 17, had no idea how to check for age or even pronouns. Never used anything but tumblr, never interacted with anyone. Never went to school or even had a job at that point. I more tried to figure out everything based off of my own experiences… which was, not good. To say the least. The things I did, in my head, I thought they were “normal.” This doesn’t make it less terrible, but I hadn’t even remembered some of the incidents until someone pointed it out. It was so mundane to me—I was a messed up child. I’m sorry for this.

8. I wasn’t the best person, I really wasn’t. I didn’t know how to “mask” my traits at that time, I was excited to be able to talk to people. I was protective over my friends (my first friends! ever!) and very clingy. I didn’t know that people held characters close to their hearts, either? (When I have a favorite, I only want to hurt them, you see)

So while the doc was deliberately taking things out of context, some of the other accusations are true, unfortunately. I will be posting my DMs between me and the people on the server in my doc.

9. I have explanations for what I’ve seen of the accusations, but I don’t really recall anything from that incident over 3 years ago… if someone had told me, or even confronted me, I’d have known what was wrong. But they didn’t, and they kept talking to me like everything was normal. I was completely unaware. This is most of the reason I thought people were plotting against me—people would be cold to me and I wouldn’t know why. The worst part is that I can’t apologize. I can’t even try to rectify anything. Some of the people in that server still played PAYDAY 2 with me, some would even reply to my DMs. I had… no idea.

I have hurt people. Unknowingly, but still. I apologize to anyone I’ve affected. Most of it was not knowing how basic social media functions worked. I hope you understand that my behavior was out of line, and that I didn’t mean for any of this to happen. Don’t defend me on that, I was entirely wrong. But… smearing me in the fandom tag instead of going to me directly means that they want to attack me. They don’t want an explanation.

All of my actions were genuine. I never intended to hurt anyone, but that’s what ended up happening. I’ll put more detail into the doc.

10. I was already going to take a break. I was already doing poorly, and the server knew this. At that point, they want me to go through with it. What else would they be saying when they do all of this? Unless I’m reading that wrong. Whatever the reason is, they don’t want to help me, they’re deliberately being malicious and they know I wasn’t baiting.

Although, I guess I have to thank them. Now, I can say that I wasn’t delusional. I can say that I was too smart for my own good. How crazy does it sound to think that everyone was just waiting to betray me? But… they were. I can begin to trust myself again, even if it’s accepting some of my “negative thoughts” as reality. I won’t be reaching out to anyone I don’t already know, and there is safety in never putting myself out there again.

Thank you to everybody who stuck around. My delusions… weren’t entirely correct. Just like how most of my former friends blocked me on sight, there were a few people who didn’t mind when I wasn’t responding. There are some people who believed in me to a point where even if all those accusations were true, they believed that I could change. That’s… something I never thought I’d hear, ever, in my life. That is a form of trust I don’t deserve, really.

So, I was wrong again. Not everyone wanted me gone. It took all of this for me to realize that there were people who loved me in the truest form of it.

As for everyone who cut me off… well, I hope you understand that because of my mental issues, I can never trust you beyond a professional level. It is for my own wellbeing, because I’m still not doing good. I will still be taking that break. The PAYDAY 2 fandom was a source of reprieve for me, and now it’s not. It wasn’t an accident that it turned out that way. All my safe spaces have been taken from me. I don’t know why the Panic Room server hated me, so I can’t provide any extra insight on that.

The truth is, I haven’t been around because I’ve been dealing with depression for a long time. I’ve been passively… yknow. Not actively. I haven’t had the energy to respond to anything on most days, I’m sorry for that :(

All of this was just the breaking point, really.

Thank you for reading. I know most people won’t, but I appreciate those who do. I won’t blame the rest of you if you all decide to leave as well, I understand that. I never made the blog for other people, I made it for myself. This whole thing will serve as a reminder that there are more important things than online spaces. Can’t get therapy because I’m broke, but I can enjoy the few things I still can… even if I’m reminded of what I’ve lost. I don’t think I’ll really be here anymore, but I will be okay.

[obsessive-clown]

🖤-  Wendigo!Grabber x GN!Reader | Beauty and their Beast

Well hello my little rabbits! I am so very sorry I never wrote and released this sooner!! I have been very busy dealing with things in my personal life along with having to handle my mental health and school. I hope this makes up for it!!! I might even start doing asks for this version of The Grabber or write headcannons but I’m not sure, maybe if you all told me what to do that would help. Either way, enjoy this part... TW: Posessive behavior, mentions of forceful grabbing, strattling(?), very very very minor gaslighting

” Bunny? You’ve been awfully quiet. I told you already, nobody and nothing was down here with you. I’m not— There’s nothing in this house other than me and you.”  Were you hearing this right? Did he just put you down for that? Sure, it sounded insane but you were being honest with him. You’d been here for what, a week? Three? A month maybe? He’d always threatened you for lying, telling you how much he hated when others lied.  ”So you’re just going to call me crazy? Say it’s all in my head? How am I the cr-“  ”I never said anything about calling you crazy, Bunny. I’m happy you’re telling me the truth, however.”  From how he spoke, you could tell he was smiling. Like he’d just seen the puppy he just got do the trick he’d worked so tirelessly to teach it. Breathe, you had to breathe. You closed your eyes for a moment, hearing the noise of boots scuffing against the concrete floor, abruptly stopped and followed up with the sound of a figure flopping on the mattress with you. You shot your eyes open, your captor sitting just a few inches in front of you, his masked face just inches from yours. He’d chosen the bottom half of his smiling face again, showing his positive mood for the day.  ”Tell me your name, Bunny! I’m sure you get tired of that silly nickname, don’t you? I can see that precious little nose of yours scrunch up every time I call you that.”  He was going to know your name one way or the other and there was a large chance he already knew. You'd lost count of how long you'd been down there anyways, so surely your name has been printed on the newspaper at least once. With a drawn out sigh and The Grabber's eager eyes widening, you told him your name.  "Y/N. Y/N L/N."  His nails tapped against his mask, the thought of him not believing you clawing at your mind. The threats he made and what the ghost boys had told you he'd done when they lied made your heart race.  "Y/N L/N... Such a pretty name. Much prettier than bunny." Did you hear him right? Did he say your name was pretty? People who always wanted to impress you or make you like them would compliment your name but his compliment seemed genuine. Suddenly, your face felt hot, the man that kidnapped you made you blush. Of all things he could have done, he managed to make you blush. Stuck in your mind, you felt two large, warm hands gently grab your face. "Now what could that mean? Your cheeks are as red as cherries, bunny." Once again, his tone gave away his smirk, he knew what he was doing, he must have. He repositioned himself, now on his knees, towering over you. He smelled nice, like a nice cologne and oddly like the fresh cut wood section of a hardware store. "I hope my little bunny isn't coming down with something, that would be such a shame." HIS bunny? His tone was almost posessive, obsessive even. He slouched down, placing what seemed to be a kiss on the top of your head with the mouth of the mask. You felt him getting closer, your first instinct being to push away and press your back to the wall. So you did, you began to scoot back but one hand let go of your face and gripped your thigh, yanking you forward. He sat back down, putting you on his lap, if you were to look from anyone elses perspective, it looked like you were strattling him. Before you could act, he completely released your face, placing one of his hands on your back to keep you close and held your wrists with the other. His head rested atop of yours and his shallow breathing echoed in the dead silent basement, then the rumble of his chest felt almost soothing as he spoke, almost encouraging you to rest your head against his chest. "Something told me you'd be different, Y/N. You're such a good little bunny, my good little obedient bunny. At least you don't judge me, or don't judge me out loud at least, hm?" ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Well, this chapter was very fun to write, especially when I was speedrunning it so I could charge my laptop. Again, I am so sorry this took so long to come out, I’ve just been very busy so I hope you guys can forgive me!! I hope you all liked this chapter. Remember to take care and stay safe!!! I’ll see you little bunnies later.

[kumaradosha]

I’m seeing a whole lot of bad takes and ignorance of past/present content and lack of critical thinking or ability to understand character motives regarding this most recent Dream SMP lore. So please, allow me to lay down some facts, some sense, and also some speculation of my own. This’ll be really rambly, because I’m tired, and I want to say a lot. Rewatching ALL the streaming perspectives now, my thoughts start here:

Considering Sam doesn’t want to enter the cell to dirty his hands himself, he clearly has some aversion or moral qualms about torturing prisoners, but Quackity has convinced him to go along with it. Quackity spends a lot of time before he goes into the cell repeatedly making sure Sam won’t have a change of heart and intervene, which indicates Sam probably has some misgivings. Quackity feels he has to remind Sam that this is for the greater good and to stand back and let him do his thing and that this will probably be the last time. These are all reassurances and instructions that would not be necessary if Sam were known to be totally cool with it all already.

Sam believes the stringent measures Dream put in place for the prison are just desserts for him to suffer, but Techno doesn’t deserve the same cruelty, because Techno didn’t enact those rules. And that’s why Techno gets baked potatoes from Sam, and Dream doesn’t. Sam clearly believes this harsh treatment is justified, because Dream was going to do it to someone else. He thinks he’s being just. Of course, allowing the torture, though not his idea and not really comfortable to him, was still crossing a line, considering physical torture was not something Dream did to his victims (and besides, there’s the argument that not everything a criminal has done is morally correct to be done to the prisoner regardless). That, he was convinced, was for the greater good, to get the revive book. Quackity manipulated him; he thinks he’s doing what’s best, but no, of course that doesn’t make him right or his hands clean.

Sam wanted the dog dead because it’s a security risk, especially with Quackity entering the cell with two other people. He killed it later for the exact same reason. Y’all act like nobody else has ever killed an animal in Minecraft RP; get it together. Is Sapnap also evil? Tommy? He killed his own cat. Random animals are not treated with the gravity you guys are giving them; it makes no sense to call out this one time.

When Techno raised the point that he would be fine if Quackity killed him, because Dream could just bring him back, Dream countered with his warning that Techno doesn’t want to experience death, judging by how messed up it made Tommy. What motive would he have to argue that, aside from actually caring about Techno’s well-being? If Dream was only thinking of himself, he would benefit from Techno being willing to die and be brought back to life by him, giving him an easy reason not to give the resurrection knowledge to Quackity. I honestly can’t think of a reason he would argue other than the fact that he doesn’t want Techno to die even temporarily or experience death--that he cares. Interesting...

Dream hiding in the escape tunnel to make it look like he disappeared too was 5,000 IQ, but he didn’t do it just to be silly or smart. Quackity literally threatened to kill Dream when he came back. Dream HAD to pretend to disappear, because he was legitimately in fear for his life. You saw how terrified he was when Sam found him, how he just immediately begged him not to tell Quackity. He was afraid Quackity would come back and kill him before Techno managed to come back and break him out. He believed that would be his fate and had to make a last ditch attempt to avoid that outcome.

Phil confirmed on stream that the blueprints Techno was led to via coordinates are for the prison. Not Tubbo’s missing nuke, like I’ve seen speculated.

“Steve is your polar bear” was written on stream during the “Prison Podcast” Technoblade lore. This is not a mystery. Dream said he wrote it down when Techno started talking about Steve rescuing them.

If Sam doesn’t approve of Quackity killing Dream, why doesn’t he just tell Quackity Dream is still in the prison but not allow Quackity in anymore? Quackity needs Sam to lead him inside, to let him in. Since when did he have any power against Sam to force him to let him in? I don’t understand why Sam has to keep it a secret just to keep Dream alive. Just don’t let Quackity into the prison anymore. Clearly it was a bad idea, since all these security risks happened while Quackity was getting a free pass to not follow the rules of the prison.

Dream casually walking in the way of Sam’s pickaxe to disrupt his swing once Sam almost had the bell broken gets me every time.

The rapport between c!Dream and c!Sam in prison fascinates me. Clearly Dream is much bolder with Sam than Quackity and still seems to trust his sense of duty to a degree. Sam is also more malleable, convinceable, his fatal flaw being actually listening and talking to Dream, even after it clearly messes with him psychologically. He let Quackity manipulate him, too, and he compromises too much. That might seem weird to say, considering the harsh conditions he has Dream in, but. He does give in to a few things.

I’m wondering if Dream wanted to go to the courtyard hoping it was less secure and easier for Techno to break him out of.

Sam has no reason to lie and gaslight about Dream being the one to suggest raw potatoes and sealing up the courtyard. That’s not in his character to do. So clearly Dream suggested these things. In fact, we have proof. Search for the clip of Dream revealing a teaser for future lore, with him telling Sam the hole in the courtyard ceiling for the light is a security flaw. He straight up says that. Update yourselves. Furthermore, are the recordings we have of Dream suggesting nicer features for the prison even lore? Are they in-character, or was it cc!Dream and Sam making plans? I’m genuinely asking, because I don’t remember/am not sure. In any case, clearly the plans changed at some point, and they were Dream’s idea.

Dream said he didn’t realize how bad it was until after he experienced it. This could very well be a lie. However, it could also be a wake-up call. We just don’t know. Dream clearly possesses low empathy, and every person at some point doesn’t fully realize how poorly another being can feel in a bad situation. Sometimes it actually does take experiencing it yourself to realize how it feels. People can do cruel things to others before the empathy fully clicks. It is possible that Dream really does only now understand how harsh his plans were. Unfortunately, it’s just as likely he doesn’t care and is pretending to, because he has a history of acting, lying, and manipulating. We just do not know, and I think that’s part of the fun, the speculation. Note that none of this is excusing what he’s done; that bores me. I just like understanding characters and their psychology and motives.

Sam is ASKING if Dream had this prison built for Tommy. He is suspicious that that is the case. Dream did not TELL him this, because OBVIOUSLY Sam would have absolutely nothing to do with building a prison he knew Dream meant for Tommy. So no, Sam thought it was for something else. And guess what? It was. Back during the disc war finale stream, Dream told Tommy and Tubbo that the prison was originally intended for someone else (maybe multiple people, the number was not specified), but that he changed his mind and would now put Tommy in it (ha ha punny). Tubbo asked who it was originally intended for, and Dream wouldn’t tell him, preferred to keep it a mystery. Dream had zero reason to say this if it weren’t true. In fact, it would have been more impactful to pretend (or admit) he intended it for Tommy all along. Think of the horror, or even the betrayal finding out Sam, his friend, helped make it. So yes, there is every indication that it is the truth--Dream meant the prison for someone else at first.

And Dream didn’t argue with Sam’s accusations, because why WOULD he? If he didn’t tell Tubbo who it was for, he wouldn’t tell Sam now. Plus, he wouldn’t want to argue with Sam, make him more heated and less sympathetic, and risk him deciding to tell Quackity Dream was there after all. Dream has no reason to speak up. Let Sam think what he wants. Dream’s silence does not mean confirmation. This is not a new thing with him. He keeps things mysterious, and there is a lot about his planning and mindset he does not disclose.

Now, whether Dream made the prison harsher before or after he decided he wanted Tommy in it is up for speculation. We don’t know that timeline.

Anyway, Sam’s speech about Dream getting what he deserves is really delicious. All these people out here mocking Dream fans for Dream still being in prison (like Techno’s not imminently coming to break him out, hello?) and being told off by Sam, yet plenty of us are enjoying it, too, like?? Bruh, what kind of Mary-Sue-touting asshole likes characters who are flawless who never go through strife? Can’t be me. I love watching my favs through triumph AND despair, so this is all just a win for me, thanks.

It is possible to sympathize with a bastard who is highly flawed and wrong AND to understand his motivations without justifying his actions AND to realize he deserves punishment (though to what degree I don’t care to argue). All the black and white morality and taking one extreme stance of “this character is perfect!” OR “this character is wholly evil and only ever does things to be sadistic!” and polarizing the community is cringe, yo. You need to calm down. Enjoy the ride or like...get off?

Anyway, Dream is my favorite, Techno is my second favorite, I adore Sam, I really enjoy Quackity, and the SMP wouldn’t be the same without Tommy. So much love for all of this creative work and its creators. I’m having a blast.

[luminois]

— 𝐡𝐲𝐮𝐧𝐣𝐢𝐧;

𝐝𝐞𝐯𝐢𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐡, 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐭𝐰𝐨

𝐰: 𝐬𝐰𝐞𝐚𝐫 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬, 𝐯𝐢𝐨𝐥𝐞𝐧𝐜𝐞 (𝐨𝐧𝐞 𝐬𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐮𝐥𝐚𝐫 𝐬𝐥𝐚𝐩).

𝟐𝟓𝟏𝟑 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝𝐬, 𝐟𝐞𝐦!𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫.

𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭.

“s-stop touching me.”

“i’m not touching you. but maybe you wish i was.”

at first you’d hoped he’d been lying, when he said you were going to spend a lot of time together. maybe he just wanted to threaten you and enjoy the fear in your eyes. but hyunjin was exceptionally true to his words, for a demon.

he hadn’t left your side since the day of your first encounter, only leaving when you went to work at the bakery or when the night came and you needed to sleep. you refused to let him in the place you worked and lived in and hyunjin had respected your wishes. which was surprising, according to what you’d been taught about his kind. you expected him to not take your words into consideration at all but so far the demon had been anything but evil. surely flirtatious and malicious in every way, trying to make you sin and reveling in how scared of him you still were, but not vile.

for weeks now hyunjin had waited outside your door in the morning, greeting you with that sly grin of his before following you around as you went on with your day. one couldn't have described him as a lost puppy, though. he walked next to you but a step back, towering over you with his hands shoved in his pockets and red eyes barely leaving the space between your shoulder blades to look straight ahead. you wondered if he was waiting for your wings to suddenly start to grow or just pondering about your most vulnerable spot.

his walk was sure, steady as if he was the one leading the way, and the dark energy radiating from him kept you walking on your toes. sometimes he showed up with red bite marks on his neck or with bruised knuckles or a split lip, at times it was all of them together. you’d thought about asking him what he got up to when he wasn’t with you but in the end you never did. the demon never seemed to have anywhere to be, so you figured he entertained himself with casual mischief you didn’t want to know about. his favorite pastime, however, were surely you.

you felt your cheeks start to burn as you looked back at him. you could swear you’d felt his touch on your back, but his hands were in his pockets as always. you’d been walking closer to each other that day. you told yourself it was all hyunjin, but the truth was that you felt colder than usual and you’d quickly found out that nothing could compare to the warmth coming from him.

“what happened, angel, cat got your tongue?” he said, his fingers now actually brushing the bare skin between your skirt and the hem of your shirt. you flinched away as if you’d been burnt and he chuckled. “it’s not a sin to let other people touch you, you know.”

“it is if the one doing the touching is you,” you muttered.

you walked faster to further the distance between you and him, but the cold clawing at your skin had you hugging yourself and rubbing your arms for relief.

“you’re cold,” hyunjin said, more an observation than a question.

you turned to answer him but your words were instantly replaced by a gasp. with one stride he’d reached you, and with a swift move of his hands he turned you around by your waist. his warm palms sent shivers down your spine, but what made you gasp was the way your skirt had shown what was underneath in the turn.

you glanced around, shame making your cheek turn scarlet red, before hyunjin held you close to his body, forcing you to look at him only.

“the street is empty, angel, nobody saw anything.”

your palms weakly pushed at his chest, trying to get away but aware you couldn’t win against his strength. “how do i know you’re not lying?”

“i wouldn’t gain anything from it,” the demon said, subtly smoothing down the fabric of your skirt. “it would be way funnier to make you believe someone saw the cute, pink little panties you’re wearing, but i’m a gentleman.”

you pondered his words and, against your better judgment, chose to trust him and his seemingly flawless logic, letting yourself relax in his hold. hyunjin’s embrace felt like basking in the sun, his arms gentle flames caressing your skin. you forgot who was holding you as his fingers weaved through your hair, but then realization hit you and you almost hit his chin with how fast you looked back up at him. your widened eyes met his smirk, and your words sounded defeated.

“you saw them, didn’t you?”

“the strawberry pattern is absolutely adorable, but i’ll have you know that my taste is a tad different.”

you could feel your heartbeat in your cheeks from how warm they were, and you’d never felt more embarrassed than in that moment. you tried to get out of his arms again, warmth be damned, and your frustration started getting pent up at how weak you felt when he didn’t budge an inch.

your hand was on his cheek before you could stop it. you covered your mouth with that same hand as you watched his skin become an angry red. the slap had resonated in the quiet street and rendered you both speechless, and now the silence was weighing heavy over you.

for the first time since you’d met him, hyunjin looked surprised, a change from his usually unbothered demeanor. if you’d been scared of him before now you were terrified, shaking like a leaf under his widened eyes and parted lips. what was he going to do to you? all you had against him was yourself, and your delicate human form didn’t offer anything useful in that situation.

wrath. you’d let that first sin take over you and your punishment was looking down at you, with shining red eyes and bruising touches. you silently asked for forgiveness, hoping someone would hear you, and waited.

and then the demon smiled. genuine, thrilled. perplexed, you watched the stamp of your palm become visibly painful and hyunjin’s smile grown at the same time. he looked like a maniac, but the enthusiasm written on his face made him beautiful, too.

“that felt good, right?” he said, now holding on tight to your arms, nodding to himself. “that’s what freedom feels like.”

you gaped at him, trying to get some words of dissent out while you feverishly shook your head. because it had been liberating, and the way your palm was still pulsing from the hit made you feel pleasantly warm, and now you had to choose between lying and admitting you wanted to feel that adrenaline again.

“sorry, am i interrupting something?”

hyunjin looked away from you and towards the source of that voice, which to you sounded blissfully similar to one of a savior angel. you pushed him away and turned around to smile at the newcomer, holding down your skirt.

“not at all! just a friendly conversation, that’s all,” you said, stepping closer. “do you need help?”

the person’s eyes traveled from you to hyunjin, who hadn’t moved at all, back to you again. the redness on hyunjin’s cheek was hard to ignore and you couldn't know if they’d actually seen it happen.

“i do,” they said, still unsure about the whole situation but feeling strangely relieved by your smile. “i’ve been told you help people and i could really use a piece of advice right now.”

“absolutely! i’m always here to help.”

they offered you a small smile and fiddled with their hands, visibly nervous. “there’s this friend of mine who’s really busy and often asks me for help with things like cleaning her house when she’s at work and running some errands for her. i really have no problem helping her out, but i guess somewhere along the way she started demanding i help her instead of asking, and now she gets mad when she comes home and i haven’t cleaned or cooked something for her to eat. i don’t want to lose our friendship, but it’s like i’m working for her for free and it takes time out of the things i need to do for myself, too.”

“i’m sorry that’s happening,” you said, trying to reassure them with a gentle hand on their shoulder. “have you tried talking to her about it, saying that you think it’s unfair and she should stop?”

“i’ve tried to bring up the subject but she just starts to talk about how she’s so tired from her job and it makes me feel awful.”

“maybe you can try again and-”

behind you, hyunjin scoffed loudly, cutting you off. you turned around to glare at him. “i’m sorry, do you have something to say?”

“i do, actually.”

hyunjin walked closer until he was standing next to you, looking down at the stranger with a smirk, making them blush and fiddle with their hands again. “this friend you talk about and do so much for isn‘t your friend at all, sweetheart.”

“hyunjin!” you hissed, the person’s face falling at his words, but he ignored you.

“she’s manipulating you into doing all this stuff for her, gaslighting you when she doesn’t get what she wants, and she doesn’t even thank you for it.”

“how do you know…”

“i’ve met tons of people like her,” he said, now turning to look at you, “and asking them to stop politely isn’t going to work.”

“it could! kindness always pays back.”

“it won’t, and kindness is what got them in this situation in the first place.” hyunjin turned back to the stranger, chuckling at their confused expression. “listen to me sweetheart, a hungry man either learns how to fish or starves to death. use an excuse to stop doing all of this shit for her and in a matter of days she’s going to do it herself, you don’t work for her unless she starts to pay you. and if she keeps being a pain in the ass, start using sugar instead of salt when you cook for her, accidentally set her couch on fire, be incapable on purpose and she’ll beg you to stop ‘helping’.”

you watched horrified as the person weighed his words, actually taking them into consideration, and tasted anger. it was a bitter feeling, clawing at your skin and making it impossible to think clearly. you couldn’t find anything to say to the person to make them forget about all the unreasonable suggestions the demon had given them, and the pent up frustration made your hand ache to hit hyunjin again. instead, you planted your blunt nails in your palms and glared at him.

“that’s nonsense, how could lying and causing trouble on purpose fix their friendship?”

hyunjin rolled his eyes. “when’s the last time you’ve had a friend, angel?”

“what’s that got to do with anything?!” you said, pushing away the thought of your existence in paradise. the answer to his question was that you couldn’t remember a time when you weren’t lonely.

“if you had any you would know that asking politely doesn’t work. what do they do once their friend ignores the problem again? keep asking until she’s so annoyed with them she stops being their friend for good? that’s how you lose people, not how you keep them.”

as remarks kept bouncing back and forth in this argument, where nobody was really willing to listen, the person who’d asked for help felt stuck in the middle. rumors had it that you were great at helping people, but the advice you’d given them didn’t sound like it would bring the situation anywhere. on the other side, this guy’s advice sounded like a solution, but he didn’t look very reliable and he’d earned a slap from an apparently really kind girl like you, so could he really be trusted?

you only noticed they’d left minutes later and glared at hyunjin as you heard him chuckle about it. “what’s so funny? they’ll probably go and ruin their friendship, and it’s your fault.”

“you’re what’s funny, angel.”

“excuse me?”

“maybe intriguing is a better word,” he said before turning around. “i’ll show you something.”

you watched him walk away, certain you were going to follow him. you blinked your confusion away walked fast to catch up to his long strides.

on the rooftop of the abandoned building, you could see most of the small city, a maze of streets who had once been lively. you walked closer to the railing, afraid of the height but too fascinated by the sight. it was an unsettling type of beautiful, you had to admit, but you didn’t understand why hyunjin wanted to show it to you.

“what does-”

“you’re looking the wrong way, angel,” he said and you turned to look at him, a question on the tip of your tongue, but all you managed to do was gasp.

the demon was leaning on the staircase’s wall, a smile playing on his lips, and behind him a graffiti that filled the entire wall. angel wings, so detailed they seemed real, too similar to the ones of real angels to have been made by a human. there were some particular aspects of real angel wings that the human depictions had failed to grasp, but not this one.

you took slow steps and reached out your hand, mesmerized as your soft fingertips came in contact with the rough wall. hyunjin’s eyes followed your every move.

“who made this?” you asked, unable to tear your eyes away.

“humans, but the drawing is mine,” he said, smile widening when you looked at him, surprised. “when i met them they were artists without inspiration, but this helped.”

“you’ve seen an angel’s wings before?”

“i’m a century old, little angel, there’s very little i haven’t seen yet.” the demon twirled a stand of your hair around his finger and then gently pushed your shoulders until your back was against the wall. “but you’re the first angel i’ve ever seen slapping somebody or raising their voice, i didn’t think creatures like you existed.”

“you’re rubbing off on me,” you muttered, warmth spreading in your chest as he chuckled and caressed your cheek with the back of his hand, before stepping back.

walking backwards, hyunjin crouched down to take in the sight of you, in the middle of the graffiti, the wonderful wings looking like they were coming out of your back. “i wish you could see how beautiful this crime looks right now.”

right, a crime. a graffiti that had ruined a public property. but then how come you felt like it made it better? a plain, sad building nobody cared about had been turned into art. how was this hurting anybody, how could this be considered a sin?

“i think… i think this crime makes me happy.”

hyunjin smiled, and you heard his words in the back of your mind. this is what freedom feels like.

do you want to read more?

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[secret-engima]

Lunafreya Nox Fleuret DoTF Characterization Rant

OKAY, ME RANT RAMBLING ON LUNA’S CHARACTERIZATION IN DAWN OF THE FUTURE IS A GO.

This is … likely going to get messy, but I’ll try to keep it at least moderately coherent. Lemme start by saying that- for the most part- I did actually enjoy Luna’s chap. I’ve been enjoying the book (kinda-sorta-mostly, I really liked Aranea’s chap at least) and I don’t think it’s like- a BAD book? Necessarily? But I feel like it is extremely telling in regards to how the characterization/lore is treated that my brain is automatically filing this thing under “fanfic that’s not my HC but is okay-ish” rather than “canon I will be gleefully tweaking as I please”. My brain is literally looking at this officially licensed book and equating it to fanfic. To fanfic that NEEDS EDITING.

With that out of the way, lemme attempt to summarize my (main) issues with Luna’s Characterization and then I’ll expand on them from there. Get ready for the salt.

1. Luna’s backstory is inconsistent. She herself states multiple times that Oracle training is grueling and involves both physical and mental trials as well as things like fasting for long periods of time WHILE doing said training, yet she is mostly treated like a well-meaning but overall pampered, naive princess who is only now being forced into hard circumstances and has to adapt accordingly. She is also treated like she doesn’t know “common people” that well and doesn’t know how to interact or pick up things like lies (????). A common example is how she treats Sol as trustworthy but reserved when according to Sol’s POV she is literally debating shooting Luna as a possible threat. And Luna supposedly doesn’t pick up on this danger. But we’ll get back to that.

2. Luna is characterized as being oblivious to how people outside Rich Oracle Circles live. That despite traveling all over the world she has never really seen it’s “ugly” sides because she’s always traveled in fancy guarded processions with the sick brought to her. Pretty sure the book specifically mentions at one point that she’s never “considered” what it would be like to be anything other than an Oracle. Admittedly this issue could go under number 1 or 3a but I’m putting it here because I’m salty.

3a. This and the next problem are heavily intertwined and, not going to lie, I could make an entire rant just about these two issues all by themselves, not just in Luna’s context. The first is that Luna is portrayed as not being able to make her own decisions, not even wanting to make her own decisions, until she is forced to or has her “eyes opened” by Sol, our jaded Long Night survivor character. The author treats Luna’s sense of duty as some form of social brainwashing she needs to “get over” and spoiler alert I hate it with every fiber of my being.

3b. Playing right off the whole “Luna is incapable of making her own decisions and that’s why she does her freaking job until someone ‘opens her eyes’” is the idea that Luna’s faith is a character flaw. Lemme reiterate. The story treats Luna’s faith. As a character flaw. Rather than the entire cornerstone to her character and one of the big reasons she’s as amazing as she is. Her faith is treated as foolish and shortsighted, something that has only survived for this long because it has never been challenged and, heads up, the rant I am going to go into on this one specific thing is going to be long and extremely salty.

Alright I think I’ve covered the basics. Starting from the top, BRING ON THE SALT.

…

1. Luna is pampered, well-meaning but naive and bad at reading ulterior motives of people.

….*slow, deep breath* Luna. The Oracle. Who became the youngest Oracle in history. Because her mother was murdered in front of her while her home was burned down and conquered by the people who then proceeded to rule her country, subvert her brother to their cause, and generally control and monitor every aspect of her life that they could. Luna, who was fully prepared to take a single suitcase and escape her own home and run off alone to get to Altissia and had to be stopped by her own brother (who you’ll note brought a bunch of soldiers with him, which indicates he did not expect a submissive response if he came alone).

This girl who was canonically physically abused as a child by a Niflheim officer (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iZHzBtIfpdg slow this down if you need to confirm, but she is grabbed and manhandled and hit by an adult man when she only looks to be twelve, around the age Tenebrae first fell), who has spent twelve years living under the rule of a nation that is not only aggressively atheist but has willfully attempted to kill one of the very beings she serves and openly plans to do so again. The woman who successfully survived the fall of Insomnia with only one magic-less glaive as her backup for most of the event, then evaded the search efforts of an entire empire with only her own wits, a dog, a Messenger who has only ever been shown to talk rather than fight, and the extremely grudging on-off help of her brother who works for said empire. All while waking up the Astrals and forging covenants that were slowly killing her from the strain, which is the exact thing the empire was trying to prevent her from doing. Then, when it became necessary to complete the last covenant, turned herself in to the very same empire that has imprisoned her since she was a child and has been actively hunting/trying to stop or kill her since Insomnia’s fall.

That girl. Is pampered. Is naive. Is bad at reading people and telling when they have ulterior motives or are lying.

Pull the other one. I’ll kick you.

But seriously, how are we supposed to believe this? Luna’s life post Tenebrae’s fall to Niflheim is only pampered in the sense that she was given fancy clothes and fed regularly (outside the grueling fasting periods mentioned in this same book). She had no freedom, no privacy, her guards were all either men who wore the same uniform as those who killed her mother or were monsters infected with the very scourge she is sworn to purify. The Oracle is famous, is revered by the people. To keep the people on their side, the Empire would have flaunted her, would have taken her to all the shiny events. Luna would have had to dine with, converse with, even dance with the very same people who ordered and condoned the murder of her mother, her own imprisonment, and the brainwashing of her own brother to the enemy side. She would have been the epitome of a bird in a gilded cage or a dog on a silk leash and humans are not meant to live like that.

Am I really expected to think she survived a situation that oppressive, that toxic, that actively hurtful, for years by being naive and bad at reading people? Am I really expected to believe that she cannot tell when people are out to use her or hurt her or are lying to her? Am I really expected to believe that she is pampered and doesn’t have, at the very least, PTSD from seeing her mother murdered and her brother join the very people who did it, let alone everything else that would have followed over those years?

Really?

Luna didn’t have a pampered life. She suffered abuse. Longterm emotional abuse, likely sporadic physical abuse until she learned to play along well enough to escape such punishments, and almost certainly gaslighting (again: religious leader being held captive by an aggressively atheist nation that wants to kill the pantheon this religious leader communes with).

Luna would have learned to navigate the canonically cutthroat politics of Niflheim while being at best an outsider and at worst a target because of her beliefs, her nationality, and her loyalties to the Lucians (nobody was surprised when Luna went on the run. Nobody. Her continued devotion and loyalty to the Lucians -Niflheim’s enemy- was absolutely a well known factor). She would have learned to pick truth from lie and when to pretend she hadn’t noticed in order to survive. She would have lived twelve years knowing that any mistakes or misplaced moments of trust would be paid for in either her suffering of the suffering of the people close to her like her servants, or just the citizens of Tenebrae in general.

And none of this is taking into account her Oracle training, which the book does not elaborate on but repeatedly states was hard and grueling and she completed it years earlier than any Oracle in history.

There are a lot of words I would use to describe Luna, but pampered and naive are not among them.

…

2. Luna is oblivious to how people outside her rich circles live and has never considered being anything else but an Oracle until Sol specifically points it out.

The book states that she mostly travels in procession (ie, with tons of servants to serve her every need and bodyguards to keep the masses at bay) so clearly she can’t go anywhere too dangerous, otherwise her servants wouldn’t be able to come. Right? Oh boy where do I start with this.

I know! Let’s start with the fact that Luna canonically maintains the blessings on Havens! You know those things. They’re your only safe place to camp at night and they can be found in all sorts of nifty locations like the middle of the wilderness where cars can’t go, chocobos won’t go, packs of wild animals will literally leap out of the bushes to eat you (Voretooth packs can get up to twelve or more members all trying to eat you at once, fun fact), and poor choice in clothes will lead to broken ankles at best? The ones that can be found in the depths of locations so dangerous that even the Hunters are leary of going inside and are actively forbidden from approaching unless they are a very high rank?

Off the top of my head some of the Havens that come to mind is the one in the middle of Malmalam thicket, the top of an active volcano, multiple spots in the middle of the voretooth and coeurl infested desert, two up in Vesperpool aka the home of all demon crocodiles and flocks of cockatrice that are bigger than the average car and can literally turn you into stone if you aren’t careful.

Yeah those places. She maintains those. Depending on how often Havens need to be maintained and if the weather/nature shortens that time then she might also have to periodically enter the dungeons Noctis explores in game that also have Havens hidden inside where it is always dark all the time and infested with daemons.

The book also states that the sick (who are highly infectious and not supposed to be touched by people who can’t heal the scourge and in the later stages of sickness become extremely violent and prone to biting in order to infect other people) are … brought to her…

By whom? Exactly?

Moving on from that giant and obvious plot hole to the “never seen or considered other lifestyles” bit: Luna has traveled literally all over the world. In her duties of healing the otherwise incurable she has gone all over Niflheim, Tenebrae, and Lucis. She has walked through the streets of cities filled with lights and glamor and stood on the dirt roads of towns so small they have to go to the next town an hour or more away to buy groceries or check their mailbox and who’s royal hotel suite is just a caravan with a new coat of paint and “welcome Oracle!” sign. Luna’s work is to cure the Starscourge, which is a disease that I can almost promise the rich don’t get. Because the rich and fancy do not risk their lives by going into daemon territory (Prompto, a middle class Insomnian, didn’t even know what wild animals would be like, you expect the rich and famous to be any better?).

The vast majority of Luna’s patients would be people like Dave the Hunter, or Sania the scientist who wades into the wilds. The truck drivers and the farmers and the electricians risking their lives to repair power lines in the middle of nowhere. She wouldn’t be going to cities except to talk to the refugees who fled there from the outside and thus picked up the Scourge. Her only two social circles would be Niflheim’s cutthroat nobility and the “unwashed masses” who come to her for healing. Guess which ones she’ll be more invested in getting to know on a personal/friendly basis and interacting with.

Of course Luna has interacted with and understands “common folk”. Luna is a caregiver, not just physically, but emotionally. She is beloved by the people because she is kind. That means she talks to them. More importantly, she listens. She has held the hands of the farmer as he begs her to heal him, because the harvest season is so close, and if he can’t work, if he dies, then what will become of his wife or the people his farm feeds? She has embraced the sobbing refugee mother as the other breaks down in gratitude for a child who’s skin is a healthy shade and who’s veins no longer bulge a sickly purple. She has met people who are not rich, but who are content. Who have lives that do not hinge on the razor thin dance of staying true to self and not exposing weakness to those who want to eat her alive. Who can laugh with their neighbors and kiss that nice boy down the street just for the fun of it, who can defy curfew to dance in the rain with the person they love and risk, at most, a lecture and a weekend grounding.

And no, they aren’t rich, no, they aren’t influential or powerful, but they are peaceful. They are happy.

Am I really expected to believe that Luna has not looked on these people’s lives from afar, listened to their rambles as they try to distract themselves from the sickness she is drawing from their veins, and not yearned to be the same? That she hasn’t thought over and over again about running away and being free from her gilded cage? That she doesn’t know anything about the lives of the people she heals even as she walks down their streets and steps into their houses so she can heal those who are too sick or too violent to be safely taken out of their room? That she has never thought about what life could be like if she wasn’t an Oracle as she watches the landscape roll by and walks through the wilderness to find the lonely farmsteads that the townsfolk tell her has sick children that cannot be let out of the shed for fear they will bite?

Setting all of that to one side, what human hasn’t thought of being someone else? What person on this planet, hasn’t looked at another person’s life that is so very different from their own and gone “huh, I wonder what that would be like” even if only for a moment before moving on and forgetting about it? Humans are creatures that dream by nature, that are curious by nature. To assume that Luna is not just because she gets to have the fancy dresses and servants is stupid.

…

3a: Luna is unable to make her own decisions and is only the dutiful Oracle because she doesn’t know any better and needs a “wiser” rebellious character to “open her eyes”.

Okay buckle up. I have tried to suppress the salt until now but over these last two points I don’t care. I will be salty. I will be sarcastic. I will be mean. I will reference Real World faiths (tho I’ll try to keep that to a minimum).

Both 3a and 3b are actually systemic issues in storytelling (particularly noticeable in movies/shows but maybe that’s because I’m pretty lucky with my book choices) that I despise with a passion. Specifically 3a relates to the chronic issue writers seem to have with characters not being allowed to be happy with their role in life. There’s this persistent thought, this narrative push, that if a character is following in the footsteps of their family, is entering the “traditional” profession that their parents (or grandparents, or entire generations of predecessors) have been in before them then they must be unhappy with their lot in life. That this is clearly the character being “repressed” and that if they are content then they are either a bad guy (see: every antagonist from a proud military family or every ruler who thinks they are better than everyone because of bloodline ever) or they are just blind to their own unhappiness.

Now, the basic idea of “character discovers they are unhappy in current role and seeks a new one” can actually be done really well. But those stories that do it well have a lot of internal conflict, a lot of self-reflection and searching and choosing to take a new path after really giving it some thought. Maybe they have help along the way, or encouragement, or another character to show that it’s possible by example and that’s okay.

What is not okay is infantilizing a strong, intelligent character by saying “oh it just never occurred to them until they are told that they are unhappy by this much more worldly wise character and then they went and did it”. That is not okay. It not only trivializes the efforts of every real person who has proudly followed in a parent’s footsteps to become something (a doctor, a missionary, a soldier, an actor, even an electrician, pick a life goal and I promise someone has been inspired to do that by their parent being one before them) but it also takes an otherwise strong, dedicated character and implies that they are too stupid to think for themselves or have any free will until the plot and a Shinier Character demands it.

Lunafreya Nox Fleuret is an Oracle, as her mother was before her, and her mother before her, and all the way back two thousand years to the very first Oracle we see in canon. Possibly back even farther, depending on if any of Aera’s ancestors were Oracles too. That isn’t a suffocating tradition, that is a heritage, that is a culture, that is a necessary, life-saving service that canon proves literally kept the world from falling into eternal darkness (Luna was the last Oracle, the day after she dies is literally the last time we players see sunlight until the end of the game when Noctis dies to restore it). Luna is not stupid or repressed for following in those footsteps, she is breathtakingly strong for shouldering her heritage as the Last Oracle with pride even when the forces controlling every other aspect of her life want her to be ashamed of it and give it up.

The empire that took over her home when she was twelve are actively anti-magic and anti-Astral. Luna is someone who speaks to the Astrals and is born with a magic that can heal the very sickness they want to weaponize. They couldn’t outright forbid her from training to be the next Oracle because that would cause the people to riot, but they could and absolutely would try to make her give up in any way they could. They would have insulted her, demeaned her, hurt her, and imprisoned her. They wouldn’t have wanted a “real” Oracle, they would have wanted a puppet who said pretty promises and then did nothing to stop them.

It would have been so easy for Luna to go down the same path her brother did. To give in to the empire and it’s propaganda that she would have been forced to listen to every single day of her life for twelve whole years. It would have made her life so much easier to be a puppet Oracle who didn’t have to walk miles through the wilderness to maintain Havens, or defy the empire by maintaining loyalty to Lucis, or leave her manor home to heal the sick that could not come to her themselves. As a puppet Oracle she could have stayed in the Manor and only treated cases that could reach her doors and were vetted by the empire. She could have eaten the finest foods and worn the best dresses and never had to worry about a pack of hungry Voretooths or a rogue Behemoth tearing her apart. Most of all, Niflheim wouldn’t have been nearly as oppressive or violent. They would have gladly given her the illusion of freedom and control as long as she played along rather than been fully willing and prepared to run into the jungle with a suitcase just to escape as seen in the movie.

Luna was not blindly fitting into a mold and she was not and has never been incapable of making a decision. The fact that she shows up in canon as a strong, dedicated woman who is in control of her emotions and not afraid to face down a giant sea monster with the power to summon tidal waves with just her words and a glorified pointy stick proves that. The idea that she needs a “wiser” character to come alongside her and “free her” from her own duties is not only stupid, it undermines one of the key things that makes Luna such a strong character despite her relative lack of screentime.

Furthermore, canonically, one of Luna’s main reasons for sticking with her duty as Oracle isn’t because it’s tradition, it’s because of what Niflheim did. In the Kingsglaive movie, when Nyx Ulric is getting angry at Luna for doing really reckless, life-threatening things, she tells him quote:

“I do not fear death. What I fear is doing nothing and losing everything.”

That’s not a woman who is blindly following a path laid out for her. That is a woman who is desperately, furiously fighting against the people who killed her mother in front of her the best way she can: by being the Oracle they cannot stand for her to be.

But sure. Luna is only the Oracle because she doesn’t know better and it never occurred to her to be anything else until some jaded kid with a shotgun made a snide comment about it.

3b: Luna’s faith is a character flaw that has only survived this long because it wasn’t challenged by a worldly wise character who knows better.

Not going to lie but words cannot express how much I hate this trope. This is another thing that shows up a lot in television/movies but also in books too, and that is that a character is not allowed to have a faith in something/religion unless they are 1. Foolish, 2. Brainwashed/tricked into it, 3. A crazy fanatic, or 4. It’s a character flaw they have to overcome by becoming more jaded and atheist and hateful.

Because … that’s not how it works. There are- millions (billions) of people all over the real world who are intelligent, well educated, thoughtful, kind, and religious. And no I’m not just talking about Christianity (tho I am Christian so you can see why this trope grinds my gears so hard). There’s Hinduism, there’s Islam, there’s Buddhism, there’s Judaism, there’s so many faiths and belief systems okay. And no we don’t tend to play well with each other or accept the validity of the others but that doesn’t mean we’re fanatics or brainwashed or stupid. And no we really don’t appreciate it when media introduces a character who follows a religion (even fictional ones!) only to make them an antagonist or rip it away from them in the name of “improving their character”. Just like every other cultural group ever who really doesn’t like their heritage and culture being used as a butt of jokes or is turned into a caricature or used as the basis for the antagonist being Evil™.

But no. We can’t possibly have a character who’s faith makes them strong or gives them comfort in times of hardship unless they are deluded. We can’t possibly have a character who is both intelligent and faithful. We can’t possibly show a character who is breathtakingly courageous and selfless as well as religious unless we point at their faith and go oh look a horrible character flaw to overcome by having non-believer characters open their eyes via sarcastic commentary.

And look. Look. I am well aware that the plot of Dawn of the Future has Bahamut as the Bad Guy™. I am fully aware of that. But if you want to be purely honest and technical, that doesn’t invalidate Luna’s faith because (spoilers) the other Astrals fight Bahamut to save the world. They hear her cries and the come to fight on behalf of Lucis and Noctis and all of Eos and they kill Bahamut even when that ensures their own destruction.

But we’re not actually here to talk about whether the Astrals deserve Luna’s faith in them, we’re here to talk about why insisting Luna’s faith is, by nature of being a faith, treated like a flaw and why it is treated like something so weak it only survived to this point because Luna didn’t face anything “bad” enough to “snap her out of it”.

Spoiler alert, it’s not a flaw and it’s not weak.

Going back to something I have mentioned several times already: Niflheim is an empire run by people who actively want to kill the very beings most of the planetary population worships. The very same people in charge of Luna’s life for twelve years, starting from when she was twelve and very emotionally vulnerable and traumatized, hate the Astrals. I repeat: They hate the Astrals. They have devised weapons to try (and spectacularly fail) to kill them. Half their continent is a winter nightmare-land because they tried to kill Shiva the Glacian and she went “haha, nice try, lemme leave a fake corpse here that constantly pumps out freezing temperatures and blizzards”.

Am I seriously, honestly, supposed to believe that these people didn’t try to tear down her faith at every single opportunity? That Ravus wouldn’t have tried to bully and cajole and harass her into abandoning her faith because he knew that her faith was what kept her walking her chosen path as Oracle and that said path was destined to kill her? Am I seriously supposed to believe that Luna didn’t spend those twelve years having to sit there and bite her tongue to keep from raging at these cutthroat nobles as they gloated and sneered and spat on the names of the Astrals who gave Luna the very magic she uses to heal those in need?

Luna never needed Sol to come along and say “what have the Astrals ever done for you?” because I promise that she’s heard some variation of that exact phrase from everyone in her life. From her own brother to the Emperor himself she has heard some form of this question, this taunt. In the Kingsglaive movie, General Glauca even says something to the order of, “To what god do you pray? The gods do not listen.” Right before he kidnaps her.

Luna’s faith isn’t something blind, and it is not a flaw. It is a cornerstone of her character. Luna’s faith is a bloody, stubborn, tenacious thing that she has nurtured and shored up and been steadied by through twelve years of emotional abuse and physical imprisonment. Luna’s faith is an unshakeable thing that can only come from long nights spent crying into the silent dark of the room and asking “is this real? Am I right? Should I give up? This hurts so much, what do I do?” and finding the answer to be “yes this is real. Yes I am right. No, I won’t give up even though it kills me. Yes it hurts, but what I believe in is stronger than this pain.”

Faith is not optimism and it is not fanaticism. Optimism can be broken by hardship and fanaticism has no room for selfless kindness or acceptance of other people not being as devoted as they are. Faith is personal. Faith is a bedrock, and maybe it’s a bedrock that makes no sense to people on the outside, but it is a bedrock and it can make mountains move.

Just as Luna proves when she runs rings around an Empire to win the respect and cooperation of Titan and of Ramuh, to stand amid the rain and tell an enraged TideMother that “it is in mercy that men offer praise, and in shedding grace that the gods solicit worship” and not flinch because she knows she is right.

Luna’s faith is a fierce, scarred thing that has taken every kind of suppression and propaganda and poison the empire could throw at it and kept on going.

Furthermore. Luna’s faith is treated by Sol as something empty. Because when did the Astrals ever help her or comfort her or save her?

I can answer that. They helped her when they gave her Umbra and Pryna, who kept her company through her life and gave her a way to talk to Noctis. A way to reach out to a person who was not either imperial, warped by imperial propaganda, or too afraid to speak out against the empire for fear of dying. They comforted her when Gentiana became a second mother for Luna after the death of Queen Sylva. A physical shoulder to cry on, a sounding board to bounce fears off of, a well of advice when it was asked of her, a rock to retreat to when Ravus turned away from her and the empire continued to control as much of her life as they could.

Gentiana, who is really Shiva in disguise, has been with Luna since she was a small child.

One of the Astrals themselves has been with Luna for almost her entire life. Has guided her, has comforted her, has led her to safety as she fled Insomnia’s ruins.

Shiva had no reason to do that. The Oracles have done their duty since the time of Aera without her help or company. Shiva didn’t have to stay. She didn’t have to linger and offer comfort and become Luna’s friend. She didn’t have to listen to the last words of a scared young woman who wanted only to see her fiancé one last time and promise to carry them to Noctis in the event of her death. Shiva didn’t have to cry on behalf of Luna. Shiva didn’t have to help Luna remember what it was like to be an ordinary woman (“Yet others need not hide their grief. Is she [Luna] so different from them?”), and in fact, if Shiva had played up to most of the stereotypes, she would have done the opposite and done her hardest to suppress any part of Luna’s personality that wasn’t her Oracle duties.

But she did. Shiva was there, and she remembered. Shiva loved and we as a fandom may yell at the Astrals a lot for not doing more to take care of the Starscourge, but of all of them Shiva gave the most because she came down and she lived, and walked, and loved this Oracle, this scared child, this frightened, weary woman who couldn’t even turn to her own family for comfort. Shiva’s husband Ifrit was betrayed by humankind and yet Shiva still defended them, she kills Ifrit to protect the man (the king) that Luna loved.

And at the end of the game, in those final moments outside the Citadel, when it’s just Noctis and his Retinue against all of Ardyn’s armies of daemons, when Luna calls out to these Astrals whom she has remained faithful to her entire life, even unto her death…

They answer.

Every. Last. Astral. Who is not corrupted like Ifrit, comes down at her prayer and fights. Even Leviathan who’s only voiced lines are screaming wrath against the humanity that forgot her, even Bahamut who otherwise remains aloof in his plane of magic beyond the concerns of the mortal world. Luna calls, and they answer her.

“What have the Astrals ever done for her” indeed.

Luna’s faith is a driving force of her character, it is irrevocably intertwined with her duty, with her choices, with her desire to help people and save the world even if it costs her own life, and in the end her faith is rewarded. Not in the way we want for her, because we love the ultimate happy endings where everyone lives and nobody dies. But Final Fantasy XV was never a story about happy endings. It was a story about coming of age, and tragedy, and sacrifice. Of holding onto hope against all opposition, and of having faith that someday the dawn will return, even if bringing about that dawn requires personal sacrifice.

…

Okay this is over 5k words, I’m tired, and I’m extremely salty so I can’t really figure out how to wrap this up but there we go, my salty personal rant about why I think Dawn of the Future messed up some really critical parts of Luna’s characterization and why it’s Really Bad that they messed up those specific things.

Also I kinda despise them making Bahamut the bad guy in DotF because yes he’s a jerk and yes he really could have done the whole Prophecy thing a ton better, but in the original FFXV one of the things that made the game so heartbreakingly tragic to me is that most of the characters involved weren’t pure evil. They could be greedy, and flawed, and crazy, but in the end the source of the problem was too big to pin on one character.

Do you pin the entire thing on the god of war for his mistakes in trying to bring about peace, or the god of fire for trying to destroy humanity and no longer being there to do his job and purify the plague? Do you blame the Astrals for their hubris or humanity for theirs, because Ifrit loved humanity until they betrayed him so deeply he went mad? Do you hate Ardyn for causing the Long Night or pity him for being a victim of Somnus’s greed? Can you blame Somnus for everything even though the Scourge was going on long before him and kept spreading long after he sealed Ardyn away? The whole thing is a tragedy because at this point it’s a problem too big to fix without someone paying a price too heavy and we hate that because the characters who pay that price are the ones we grow to love over the game.

But that is an entirely different rant for an entirely different day when I am not so tired and my hands no longer hurt from writing this much in one sitting. Thank you and good night.

[haikyuuuuuhypeeeee]

Hi hi!!! While I was reading your"I know Better" smau, this quote came into my mind.

"We accept the love we think we deserve"

I've always wondered why people stay in such toxic relationships, then it came to my mind along with the gaslighting behaviour of the other person, sometimes even though we know they're toxic we think that may be it's what we deserve, maybe they're right, maybe nobody will love us like they. They are scared to come out of that relationship because they're afraid of losing the familiarity. If the other person's toxic, they're familiar, isn't it better to stay with the person that are with us then leaving them and taking the step out. They are fearful of the unknown so they stay in the zone they know.

Sorry for the rant, I don't even know if that made sense.

YES.

Explanation below the Read More

First, thank you for sending this in. It makes total sense.

But you nailed it. People stuck in abusive and toxic relationships are manipulated and tricked into thinking that it’s all they deserve. And how lucky they should be bc they have all that “love.” Hence Atsumh telling YN “aren’t you so lucky?” And “do ya think anyone would want ya?”

And you might ask “why would someone take that degradation lying down?” But you hit the nail on the hammer again - the familiarity. The comfort they get in the relationship. Toxic relationships don’t start as toxic. If that were the case no one would be with an abuser. But the manipulator schmoozes and puts on an act of love and compassion and caring, and when their victim becomes comfortable and dependent they take full advantage of that trust.

“Fearful of the unknown.” Someone stuck in an abusive relationship would be terrified leaving. What would they do - leave and go off, unknown of what’s going to happen, or stay with their abuser, who has gaslighted their partner into believing that they don’t deserve anything better and no one would want them.

I cannot tell you how thankful I am that you sent this in. Because for us it’s easy to get frustrated at YN’s actions and call her an idiot (I’ve done the same!) But while we’re seeing the situation clearly, she’s not. She’s got her rose-tinted glasses, or she’s looking through fog - use whatever analogy you want. She is not in the right mindset bc she’s been manipulated into believing that this is as good as it’s gonna get for her. (Which we all know isn’t true.)

Thank you THANK YOU for sending this in. It makes perfect sense to me and I really appreciate you taking the time to think about the story! 💖💖💖💖

[bluerosesburnblue]

Nothing upsets me more than a legitimately good story being ruined by “extra” content. I’ve already complained at length about Pokemon Ultra Sun and Ultra Moon’s story changes over the original games so now it’s The World Ends With You: Final Remix’s “A New Day’s” turn because CHRIST

I’m writing this as I come across points while watching a playthrough, so:

God, Coco is the single most insufferable being. “totez hilar” just dated this content so baaaad, and I’d even say it was dated language when Final Remix came out. No other character abuses modern slang as their entire character. Like, slang is used but not as a substitute for personality. Beat speaks in a very casual, urban style but it never ends up being detrimental to his character as a bit of a punk with a “perfect little sister” that he wasn’t as naturally smart as, so he just gave up on trying and ended up being a bit of an aggressive slacker. Heck, he tones it down a bit for emotional moments, too. Coco, though, comes across like her ultra-modern “cutesy” text message slang is supposed to be her personality, and even when it’s revealed that she’s the villain of the episode you just can’t take her seriously through the “like, ohmigosh, I can’t believe you’re ruining my plaaaaaans” bullshit. What does she have going for her if you rewrite all of her lines without that speaking style? She’s just a generic manipulative brat

Frankly I also just disagree with the entire premise of A New Day and the plot threads it sets up for a potential sequel, i.e. “having Neku and Beat run through a game again as a trap to get Neku into yet another game in a possible sequel.” TWEWY is a complete experience and had been for at least a decade. Literally every character had a complete arc. The worldbuilding was rich enough that they had more than enough to come up with a sequel set in the same world, but in an entirely different town with an entirely new cast and, heck, even entirely new rules for the Game that would’ve expanded upon the world of the games without taking away from the characters whose time in the Underground was already done

But, noooooooo, we’ve gotta bring Neku back. Can’t have a game without Neku they literally SAY THAT (”The Game, like, literally can’t go on without Neku.”). And let’s bring Minamimoto back, too, as a good guy! The fans loved him! This doesn’t come across as pandering at all!

Just... you have the girl with the red headphones designed! Make the sequel set in Shinjuku with her as the main character! (Hell, I don’t think I would have even minded Minamimoto coming back for that because there was enough leeway in the base TWEWY for him to have survived his encounter with Josh, just leave Neku out of it). This is the most infuriating part because it actually takes away from Neku’s story. The entire GAME was a test of character to see if even the worst, most closed off person could learn empathy and respect and Neku DID. And in return, that sparked a change in Josh. His story is done. Coco using Neku, though, has nothing to do with him as a character and everything to do with him being the face of the game and it shows

And why the hell is Neku so trusting of Coco anyway? I get that he opened up over the course of TWEWY, that was kind of the point. But you come back to life, everything’s fine, and then suddenly you’re in a death game again and so is one of your best friends, like, he should be WAY more concerned and suspicious. But one little Reaper gives him the sad eyes and he just caves instantly like “fine, come along.” Even when Neku grew to like some of the Reapers, like Uzuki and Kariya, it was still far more of a rival-like respect. He knew damn well that it was their job to see him gone and while he accepted their help when they gave it and helped them when their lives were in danger (possibly, up to player choice), they weren’t buddy-buddy with each other, knowing that as soon as the immediate danger to them had passed they’d be on opposite sides again. And these are the Reapers he’s closest to, even at the end of the game. And then all of a sudden Coco goes “but I’m a wittle wost baby weaper” and Neku’s response is, “well, shit, welcome to the team.” WHAT

I hate using the term “Mary Sue” but Coco is absolutely a Mary Sue in its original meaning. The plot bends over backwards to accommodate her at the expense of the main characters’ personalities or reason, all while giving her a clothing style incongruous with everyone else’s meant to stand out and make her look special and not having her face any repercussions for her actions (so far which is, again, another issue with the very premise of A New Day since that’s exactly how things will end off if TWEWY doesn’t get a sequel, the possibility of which is not a guarantee AT ALL)

Shiki and Rhyme start saying blatantly false things about themselves and handwaving it away with “ohhh, that must have been our new Entry Fee! Just the exact same ones as the first time again!” and only BEAT is suspicious and NEITHER OF THEM are suspicious of Coco, the only non-generic Reaper they’ve met so far. Christ, I appreciate Beat being attentive with matters of his sister because that’s in-character but NEKU was always the more paranoid AND observant one yet all he thinks about is “gee, I’m sure having weird visions today, huh?”

And then Coco starts BLATANTLY gaslighting them about Kariya and Uzuki’s personalities and they’re STILL not suspicious of her like ughhhhhhhhhhh. Nekuuuuuuu you LIVED THROUGH JOSH WEEK 2, you have BEEN IN A SITUATION where the mastermind partnered up with you to divert your suspicion and keep an eye on you how are you less suspicious of this brat than Beat is???

And why are none of the characters bringing up the fact that you have to be DEAD to be in the Game??? You all spent three weeks of hell to claw your way back to life, how are you not more upset about what seems like you all dying again, basically immediately after you just got brought back? And I know the Shiki and Rhyme in A New Day are illusions, but Neku and Beat AREN’T. Nobody even comments on the implication that they’re dead again and what that means!

I can’t believe they made new expressions for the fake Josh’s changed personality but still refuse to make anything for Shiki’s true appearance

Hell, there’s enough lore with Josh that you could make an entire prequel about him becoming the Composer instead of this mess and, you know, EXPAND on someone’s character and what led to him being so disillusioned with Shibuya as the Composer instead of employing the Happy Ending Rewrite on Neku and then gutting his personality to make Coco the focus. I’d LOVE a Josh prequel with competent writing. Kingdom Hearts made the Xehanort prequel and hooked me in a single chapter with expanded worldbuilding and interesting ties with Xehanort’s character to friends that humanize him, do the same for Yoshiya “Joshua” Kiryu!

Pfffffff hire me and let me make the dream TWEWY trilogy: Joshua prequel > TWEWY sans A New Day > sequel set in Shinjuku starring Red Headphones Girl with Occasional Josh and Hanekoma Interaction

It is so unnecessarily cruel to make Beat relive Rhyme’s erasure and subject Neku to believing that Shiki was erased as well, and yet they do NOTHING with it except have it be cheap tension for five minutes. The characters basically say “wow, I’m so sad!” and then IMMEDIATELY move on to “OMG is Neku seeing the fuuuuuture?” Your LITTLE SISTER and FIRST REAL FRIEND IN YEARS just seemingly died permanently! When Rhyme was erased the first time it took Neku one and a half in-game days to even talk about it because he was so upset, and from then on he was focused on avenging her/bringing her back. Shiki was his entry fee in Week 2 and that made him hyper paranoid the whole time! WHY ARE WE JUST GLOSSING OVER THIS especially since they made SUCH a big deal about how they just finally started believing that the fakes were real (after a whole TWO conversations)

And then at the end they say that they’re inside Coco’s Noise that is SO BIG that it has an ALTERNATE DIMENSION INSIDE IT and Hanekoma’s like “I’ve never met a Reaper POWERFUL enough to make a Noise like this. Wow, Coco, you’re so POWERFUL that even I, an Angel, am impressed!” This. Coming from the guy who specifically chose Minamimoto as his failsafe to kill the Composer should the Game go wrong because a Taboo Minamimoto, heavily refined using forbidden methods, would be strong enough to defeat THE COMPOSER. And he’s now going on about how Coco’s the strongest Reaper ever, basically admitting that she’s probably stronger than the Composer of Shibuya. SURE. BECAUSE COCO WASN’T BAD ENOUGH ALREADY SHE HAS TO BE THE STRONGEST REAPER EVER, TOO

And then it just ends with Josh and Hanekoma exposition dumping about how Shinjuku got erased as Noise entered the RG (WHAT?), Neku’s visions were probably caused by the red headphones girl who’s super special (who???), and Coco’s just so special powerful (why...), but it’s not their problem so fuck it. Oh, and also Josh doesn’t care about Neku anymore, despite that being the whole point of TWEWY. Yeah, the guy who flew off all upset when Hanekoma asked him if he wanted to hang out with his friends at the end of the game. Uh huh. Even if he’s lying, why even put that THERE instead of saving it for the sequel?

And then Coco just... revives Minamimoto. Even though, oh, right, the Taboo Refinery stuff was so precise that the only reason Minamimoto came back the first time was because Hanekoma, THE PRODUCER AND AN ANGEL, set it up for him. But I guess Coco’s just soooooo super powerful and knows FORBIDDEN HIGHER PLANE KNOWLEDGE and can just do whateeeeeever she wants. Not like Hanekoma was so paranoid about someone finding out what he did for Minamimoto that he went into hiding, certain that he’d be reported to the higher Angels and destroyed

A New Day is so painfully shallow from a writing experience. It’s a poor continuation off of the solid, complete TWEWY story experience that just doesn’t have a handle on Neku’s character, turning him into this bland vision machine with no emotional connection to anyone. The way that it expands the worldbuilding with “Inversion” does one thing that I HATE, which is taking an emotion-and-character driven story and turning it into a generic “end of the world” scenario, “raising the stakes” in a way that divorces it from what made it memorable in the first place. If Kitaniji directly effecting the RG during the main Game’s plot was the point where he crossed the line in-universe, then that loses its special nature and impact if you then go “oh, btw, Noise can destroy the RG city if you let them”

And then there’s the absolute black hole of a character that is Coco Atarashi. She wasn’t designed to fit into the world of the game, she was designed to stand out. On its own that’s not a bad thing, especially given the themes of the game that revolve around owning your true self and baring it to the world, but then you combine it with no personality beyond being a manipulative brat obsessed with the events of TWEWY, extremely lazy text message slang dressing up her dialogue to make it stand out, the way that Neku and Beat’s personalities change to accommodate her presence just to shoehorn her in and then have a cheap “omg she was bad” twist, and then dumping powers on par with Josh and Hanekoma on her and there is NO saving her character

The only good part of A New Day is “Wake Up.” And even then, there’s better TWEWY songs, I just like the vaguely Kingdom Hearts Dream Drop Distance vibes it has in parts

[soveryanon]

Reviewing time for MAG172!

- I didn’t truly believe that we would encounter a Web domain so soon, since somehow I still pictured it as the very last thing standing between Jon&Martin and the Panopticon. It means that the domains that I was expecting to be the most “heavy” on the boys, the Lonely and the Web, are already behind us (we’re down to Hunt, Vast, Dark, Spiral, and Eye).

- The “thanks Alex” Fun™ Fact of the episode was that he used the sounds of spider mating calls in this one. Alex, why.

- With MAG170, this was amongst the most “empathetic” episodes of the season so far? Or at least as far as the Fears domains are concerned? It was closer to the way older statements were framed: it really felt like someone’s story, someone’s personal struggles and life, the horrible things happening to them. I’m a bit less fond of statements this season, overall, because they feel too voyeuristic (I know, that’s the point!), because it’s decontextualised people reduced to their fears and nothing more… but Francis’s story really felt heart-wrenching.

And it was an incredibly harsh episode, dealing with codifications, scripted situations, stage&audience conspiring against the “puppet” (the audience laughing at Francis’s misery), down to the audience call excluding the non-binary protagonist (“Ladies and gentlemen”), physical cruelty (the hooks, the spiders). I like how Francis’s “act” worked, both by highlighting that they had absolutely no chance of ever winning the play on their terms, since the Spider was deploying everything against them (physical restrains, pain, psychological torture and the voices of close ones for more pressure and impacts)… and yet, that we saw them still fiercely trying to reject what the Spider wanted, still able to tell that this was not what they wanted. It was also a good move that, in this one, Francis was a victim from start to finish: not pitted against others; the addiction wasn’t making them a danger for anyone else, it was first and foremost about them, what they wanted for themselves, how others’ casual cruelty was in the way and isolated them further, leaving them at the mercy of the Spider and its hooks. If there was someone “winning”, it was the Spider (managing to give birth to many others); all of this was solely for its benefit.

It seems to be part of The Web’s game to allow some resistance, to revel in internal conflicts, but it doesn’t remove the fact that Francis had been tortured for 48068 acts, and that they were still trying to reject it.

- We got a few interesting formats so far: The Stranger's poem (MAG165), The End’s Coroner’s report (MAG168), The Flesh’s botanical book (MAG171), and now The Web’s play (MAG172)… which was awful(ly clever), with the puppet/puppeteer’s dynamic.

Nothing new about The Web preying on vulnerable/isolated people, and especially people dealing with addiction, it’s been a reoccurring thing: Raymond Fielding had taken in kids that the system didn’t know how to handle (and nobody was suspecting anything when, as “legal adults”, they were disappearing); a Spider person had tried to get Trevor off her back by making old needs resurface; Annabelle’s first encounter with The Web, if she were to be believed, was through a victim who had suffered with drug addiction; there is a huge proportions of smoker characters in Web-related statements, and there is still Jon’s lighter and Jon starting to smoke again after he got it.

Same thing: nothing new about The Web having a knack for stories and the entertainment arts! We had two statements dealing with movies, Annabelle taunting Jon about having possibly lied during her own statements, Annabelle’s website searching for stories…

- WOW, did this domain come for Jon’s throat as the ~Apocalypse-bringer~

(MAG172) THE SPIDER: Oh, Francis… It’s such a shame, but I couldn’t do such a thing even if I wanted to! The man in the audience saw to that! [CHUCKLES] I am no more free than you are, little puppet. Ah! If only you could see the strings that bind me, that wind together as they pull me along my own path…! Perhaps then, you would not blame me so. But they are not the tripping threads that we are here to watch – no. So sit, Francis. It’s time…!

That gaslighting and self-victimisation from the monster who was pulling the strings and doing a show to generate more of itself (both fears and spiders). First time one directly referred to Jon’s presence, of course it would be a Web one, uh…

- There was an awful parallel between Francis’s story, the Spider forcing the consumption on them, and Jon… for the first time, getting stuck in a loop of stories as the next act was beginning. Is Jon reacting to the domain’s logic (since this one works on the long term, the accumulation, the fact that Francis knew that their torture would keep going and happen again and again)? Was it The Web purposefully trying to trap Jon here? Was Jon more susceptible to this domain given his own experience with The Web and his relying on statements? Would Jon even have been able to leave if Martin hadn’t been there to stop it…?

(Jon had already been vulnerable to the cabin, as he discovered in MAG162: the domains and the new reality can affect him. Jon had pointed out that The Eye didn’t want Jon to stay there; it’s not surprising, but incredibly bold to see that a Web domain tried to trap Beholding’s precious little Archivist…)

- Second time that Martin had to forcefully interrupt Jon mid-statement:

(MAG169) ARCHIVIST: The photos on the wall of her family–”MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon! [STATIC INCREASES] ARCHIVIST: “–whose faces seem indistinct but she knows–” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon! ARCHIVIST: “–that she loves, begin to blacken, as the glass–” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon! [COUGHS] ARCHIVIST: “–pops out of the frame.” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon, she’s here! ARCHIVIST: “Her home is being eaten alive by–” MARTIN: [CLOSER] Please come back! ARCHIVIST: “–this devouring Desolation–” MARTIN: JON! ARCHIVIST: “–and she–” [RESOUNDING SLAP] [STATIC FADES] MARTIN: She’s here! [COUGHS]

(MAG172) AUDIENCE (BACKGROUND): [LOUD CLAPS AND CHEERING] [STATIC RISES] ARCHIVIST: “The tragedy of Francis. A comic puppet show in all acts. Act 48068.” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon? ARCHIVIST: “A stage that is a room that remains a stage.” MARTIN: [MUFFLED, DISTANT] Jon, one is enough. ARCHIVIST: “The audien–” [RESOUNDING SLAP] [STATIC FADES] AUDIENCE (BACKGROUND): [CONSTANT MUFFLED LAUGHTERS] ARCHIVIST: Oh… Oh, wh–what? MARTIN: … Sorry. You were starting another and, I didn’t want to wait. We should get going.

And the trick definitely seems to be not being in Jon’s presence while he settles into statement-mode, or it prevents anyone from being able to interrupt? Martin wasn’t able to stop him during MAG167 (but that statement had been sneaky about its start), and he didn’t when they were in Jared’s garden either…

* Daisy listened to Jon reading two statements during season 4 (MAG133 and MAG136) and, although it was part of their deal that she would not interrupt, I wonder if she could have, back then? Jon had gotten interrupted a lot during season 1 and 2, but it was by people walking into his office while he had begun reading alone.

* … I’m still not sure that Basira could have stopped Jon in MAG141, when he forced Floyd to give his statement? Jon told her that she could have but hadn’t because she wanted to know too, but he was also, quite frankly, full of shit and trying to avoid his own responsibility with regards to his victims, back then.

* It’s interesting that Jon’s “statement bubble” is now constantly showing to muffle sounds from the exterior (/from an extra-diegetic level) when he’s giving the statement. The tape recorder only catches Martin’s voice muffled, far, as if behind another layer. But once Martin broke Jon out of it, the cheers, laughs and claps from the audience, which used to be very distinct and present, were the ones suddenly sounding far away (while Martin was on the same level as Jon). We’ve been told, again and again, that the tape recorders are not neutral, but I find quite interesting the fact that they’re “translating” the different levels around Jon in this way?

- On first listen, I had failed to understand that Martin was actually meant to stay around Jon – like in MAG171, and like he had done in MAG163 when they discovered Jon’s new need to pour out about the domains:

(MAG163) ARCHIVIST: You probably want to wait outside. MARTIN: … Hum, no?! ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] Well… Put your fingers in your ears then, I, I suppose. […] Martin…? [DRIP] Martin? [DRIP] Martin, I hate your tea, and wish you made coffee instead…! [DRIP] … Alright, then. […] End recording…! [CLEARS THROAT] [SHUFFLING] MARTIN: Mm? All done? ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] Yes. [EXHALE] MARTIN: Good.

(MAG164) ARCHIVIST: We’re fine. MARTIN: A–are we? I mean, that place is– … I don’t, I don’t feel fine, okay, and you were there a long time doing your… y–you–your guidebook, which, you know, I get it, but that place is… I–it’s–it’s infectious, and, I don’t–

(MAG165) ARCHIVIST: You, uh… [SHUFFLING] You might want to take a bit of a walk. This… feels like a strange one… [LOUDER SCREAMS IN THE DISTANCE] MARTIN: What does “strange” mean, with something like this? ARCHIVIST: Don’t think you want to know…! MARTIN: Good point. Hum, o–kay, well, uh… Good luck, I’ll be… uh, o–over there! [BAG JOSTLING] [DEPARTING FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] … Right.

(MAG166) MARTIN: Do you need anything? ARCHIVIST: No. MARTIN: Fine, I’ll just… [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] Ye–yeah, right. [BAG JOSTLING] [DEPARTING FOOTSTEPS] ARCHIVIST: [EXHALE]

(MAG168) ARCHIVIST: Now, if you’re quite done inciting me to murder? MARTIN: Not “murder”! Smiting. ARCHIVIST: [FOND SIGH] MARTIN: Right, yes, yes, of course. You… [INHALE] You vomit your horrors. [SIGH] ARCHIVIST: [REVULSED SOUND] Uh! I’m… not sure I like that metaphor…! MARTIN: “Puke your terrors”? ARCHIVIST: … Just go. MARTIN: Alright. Fine, I’m going. [BAG JOSTLING] [DEPARTING FOOTSTEPS]

(MAG170) MARTIN: Why am I here? I… I, I fell behind. I was, I was too slow, and, and, and the fog caught up, I was… I was following, al–always following, never leading; never leading. Why did he leave me behind? Di–did he? […] I thought you’d left me behind…! Gone on without me. ARCHIVIST: No, never…! N–never, I–I just… [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] I, I didn’t want to… look too ha–, I–I–I promised I wouldn’t… know you, and, and with the fog in all–all the rooms, I’ll, I just, I lost y–, I… I–I’m sorry.

(MAG171) JARED: [LONG MEATY INHALE, EXHALE] Cheers for that! ARCHIVIST: … Don’t. MARTIN: Jon, are you… alright? ARCHIVIST: Yeah, hum… Sorry. MARTIN: No, it, it’s alright.

(MAG172) ARCHIVIST: If you’re bored, you could always… take in a show. MARTIN: That’s… That’s not funny, Jon. ARCHIVIST: If you say so…! MARTIN: Just… [INHALE] Just give me a shout when you’re done, alright? [BAG JOSTLING] [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] ARCHIVIST: … Good. Right. […] MARTIN: … Sorry. You were starting another and, I didn’t want to wait. We should get going. ARCHIVIST: Y–you were listening, I… I–I–I thought that you– MARTIN: No, I… Not for most of it. I just thought I heard… something. Whatever. I went exploring, alright? I don’t know why; I shouldn’t have. […] Can we just go, please? ARCHIVIST: Of course, but… You were safe here. And after everything that’s already happened, I… I–I just don’t understand why you would– MARTIN: [SHAKEY] Me neither, okay! ARCHIVIST: What? MARTIN: I mean, that’s it, isn’t it?! I don’t know! I don’t know why I went exploring!

So they’ve truly learned from the Lonely house: Martin had to stay in MAG163 when they discovered Jon’s new predicament; then starting MAG164, Martin began to leave Jon alone for his statements, not keen to listen to them. In MAG170, they lost sight of each other in the house – since then, Martin has gone back to staying around Jon, trying to not listen (except, precisely, that Martin went wandering off in MAG172, which he wasn’t supposed to do, and came back… just in time when Jon was beginning a new cycle). Trials and errors.

- MMMMM, so this is the second time Martin did something, wasn’t exactly able to explain why he had done it, was questioned about it, and the matter was ultimately left hanging:

(MAG134) PETER: What does puzzle me, though, and I mean that genuinely, is… why you were piling tape recorders onto the coffin, while Jon was in there. [PAUSE] It’s a question, Martin, it’s– it’s not an accusation. MARTIN: I don’t know. And I just… felt like it might help. He’s always recording, I thought… it–it might help him… find his way out. PETER: Interesting. Were you compelled? MARTIN: [SULLEN] … I don’t know. … M–maybe? I–I, I definitely wanted to do it… PETER: But? MARTIN: I’m… I’m not sure where the idea came from. PETER: You should watch out for that. Could be something dangerous. MARTIN: Sure.

(MAG172) MARTIN: No, I… Not for most of it. I just thought I heard… something. Whatever. I went exploring, alright? I don’t know why; I shouldn’t have. […] Can we just go, please? ARCHIVIST: Of course, but… You were safe here. And after everything that’s already happened, I… I–I just don’t understand why you would– MARTIN: [SHAKEY] Me neither, okay! ARCHIVIST: What? MARTIN: I mean, that’s it, isn’t it?! I don’t know! I don’t know why I went exploring! ARCHIVIST: Are you saying you were… compelled? MARTIN: I’m saying I don’t know, do I? I thought I was just curious, it felt like curiosity, but… given where we are, and with The Web everywhere, and Annabelle Cane still out there playing mind games with payphones, I just… [SIGH] I mean, how do you even know if it’s your motivation, you know? Being here… [SIGH] I–it just makes me second-guess all of it, and I… I don’t like it, it… really scares me.

Regarding Martin putting the tape recorders on the Coffin: Jonah didn’t claim it to be his doing in MAG160 (I thiiink that Peter was suspicious of Elias influencing Martin then, since he also checked that Elias wasn’t overstepping in MAG158…), so probs wasn’t him. Annabelle pointed out to Jon that she had sometimes helped “to keep you safe” in MAG147, I still feel like it was most likely her doing?

Two things were interesting here: that Martin began exploring, and that he came back just in time to stop Jon. The first one left Jon vulnerable, allowing him to potentially get trapped in the cycle of Francis’s Acts; the second one… allowed Martin to make him snap out of it just in time. Or the wandering may have “protected” Martin from being trapped in Jon’s statement, too, because he could have accidentally begun listening if he’d hung around?

(A bit afraid about the fact that, twice, it was shown that as long as Martin didn’t slap Jon out of a statement, he wouldn’t stop: it makes Jon and Martin both vulnerable to their surroundings if they’re not together. Jon gets trapped in the statement, while Martin’s main protection is still Jon… That sounds a bit like a weakness that could get used against them at some point? ;;)

- SOB about Martin mentioning he was (probably) motivated by “curiosity”, since it has been hammered in that… it isn’t a good thing for Beholding-touched people to indulge themselves too much, tends to cause their downfall, and has even allowed The Spider to sneak in and weave its Web:

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: “When Gertrude was appointed to the role, there was a single survivor left in the Archives: a woman by the name of Fiona Law. Fiona was the most fascinating combination of curiosity and cowardice, pushing forward and forward into the unknown, until the very first moment of threat… crystallised. […] She had never got deep enough into the mysteries that plagued her to slake that burning curiosity. And she never would. […] But Emma had a sickness. As much as she might have despised the ageing Fiona, it was the same one that plagued her: curiosity. That desperate, grasping need to know. […] There was a fire to Sarah Carpenter, perhaps the one which led to Gertrude hiring her, and Emma’s curiosity ignited once again, this time keen to find out exactly what it would take to break this brave investigator of the unknown.”

No wonder Martin Is Feeling So Threatened Right Now, after having learned about Emma (Beholding assistant taken over by The Web… and become a master at deceiving her Archivist).

- Martin rejected the Lonely house, so does it mean that other domains will be trying to seduce him, now? It’s interesting that he reacted to the theatre in a way that was very similar to the house, which was supposed to be “his” (but wasn’t “anymore”):

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: We all have a domain here, Martin. The place that feeds us. MARTIN: Oh. [PAUSE] Where’s yours? ARCHIVIST: [MIRTHLESS CHUCKLE] I mean, we’re… traveling towards it. MARTIN: Oh! Right, obviously. [CHUCKLING] Duh. Hum… What about me? ARCHIVIST: … Would you… like me to… ? MARTIN: No, no. Don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.

(MAG170) MARTIN: Do I have a home? This, this place feels like it’s all… for me, I think, but I don’t… [CREAKING OF A DOOR] I don’t like it here. […] I feel like there’s somewhere I need to be, but… But no, no; this is my house, [CHUCKLE] where else would I need to be? […] You, you are Martin Blackwood; yes. You–you didn’t choose to be here. Jon is coming. I am Martin Blackwood, and I am not lonely anymore, I am not lonely anymore! […] Jon, it’s… okay. I promise it’s okay. This place tried, it really did, and honestly I… I wanted to believe it. But I didn’t. ARCHIVIST: This… “place”, i–it… [STATIC] My God…! MARTIN: Yeah… [SILENCE] ARCHIVIST: M–Martin, if you… did; i–if you wanted to forget… a–all of it, stay here and just… escape. I… I would understand. […] I, I just… I wanted to make sure that you knew what this place was. MARTIN: It’s The Lonely, Jon. It’s me. ARCHIVIST: [INHALE] Not anymore. MARTIN: Hm! No. [LONG INHALE, EXHALE] No…! Not anymore.

(MAG172) MARTIN: No, I… Not for most of it. I just thought I heard… something. Whatever. I went exploring, alright? I don’t know why; I shouldn’t have. […] ARCHIVIST: Are you saying you were… compelled? MARTIN: I’m saying I don’t know, do I? I thought I was just curious, it felt like curiosity, but… given where we are, and with The Web everywhere, and Annabelle Cane still out there playing mind games with payphones, I just… […] ARCHIVIST: Would you like to leave now? [BAG JOSTLING] AUDIENCE (BACKGROUND): [LAUGHS] MARTIN: … Yeah, screw this place. Never liked theatre anyway.

Interesting, too, that there are a few parallels right now with the situation in which Martin had initially encountered Peter in MAG108: while reading a theatre-related statement, isolated and scared. Even Jon’s way of describing The Lonely’s “seductiveness” was quite reminiscent of The Web (especially in Francis’s story):

(MAG150) ARCHIVIST: The Lonely is… possibly the most insidious of the powers, I believe. Certainly it is the one that… most delights in having you do its work for it. Even the Spiders seem to have a hard time matching it for sheer seductiveness. [HUFF] “Time to yourself”, “self-care”, “putting yourself forward”… “not being a burden on those you care about”… [PAUSE] It doesn’t even need to tell you any lies; just waits for the lies you tell yourself.

So… a few similarities in the way The Lonely and The Web are shown trying to seduce Martin? Martin seemed to reject the theatre, but it could do a Peter with him and go… persistent.

(So obligatory “this is how Web!Martin can still win”, and it’s never not a good time to remind myself of:

(MAG138) MARTIN: I think he wants me to join The Lonely. ELIAS: Then it sounds like you have a decision to make. [SILENCE] MARTIN: … What? [HUFF] That’s it? No, no monologue, no mindgames? You love manipulating people! ELIAS: That makes two of us. MARTIN: [HUFF]

(MAG158) MARTIN: Oh, I’m getting there, but if this is the final test or something? Then bad luck. The answer’s still “no”. [FOOTSTEPS] PETER: … No. No! This isn’t fair, do you have any idea what you’ve done? You knew, he must have– MARTIN: Elias– … Jonah had nothing to do with it. PETER: No! That’s not– You can’t– ELIAS: You’ve lost, Peter. Admit it. [CHUCKLE] He played you like a… like a cheap whistle. PETER: No! Shut up!

Because gnnnnnnnnnnniiiiiiiiiih.)

- It was a bit of a (pleasant) surprise that Jon&Martin didn’t meet Annabelle in the obligatory Web domain of their journey! But it makes us go back to the usual question: where is she, why is she not showing herself directly, what does she want, why can’t Jon see where she is?

(MAG172) MARTIN: Jon, what does The Web want? It’s… I mean, we know it’s got a plan, can’t you just… see what it is? ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] “Knowing”, “seeing”… i–it’s not the same thing as… understanding. Every time I try to know what The Web’s plan is, if it can even be called a plan, I see… a hundred thousand events and causes and links, an impossibly intricate pattern of consequences and subtle nudges, but I–I can’t…! … I can’t hold them all in my head at the same time. There’s no way to see the “whole”, the, the point of it all. I can see all the details, but it doesn’t… provide… context or… intention. I suppose The Web doesn’t work in knowledge, not in the same way. MARTIN: … Oh. Right. [SIGH] ARCHIVIST: Sorry. MARTIN: … And Annabelle? ARCHIVIST: Still can’t see her. If it wasn’t for the phone call, I’d have said she was probably already dead…! MARTIN: Yeah… [SIGH]

Jon had trouble seeing when inside of Hill Top Road, back in MAG147 (though he blamed it on having recently encountered The Dark). Could she be there? On the other side of the crack? Waiting inside of the Panopticon/Institute? On the back of Jon’s head? Being many many spiders, as an avatar, and thus impossible to locate because she’s plural? Technically dead already, but having planned and foreseen how the phone call with Martin would go, leaving a pre-recorded message that would play exactly as needed? That makes a lot of people that Jon has trouble seeing in the new world, with Georgie&Melanie, Jonah…

- I’m still laughing a lot that the beginning of the episode felt very much like Jon asking for a bathroom break:

(MAG172) ARCHIVIST: Ah… Hold up, I–I need to, uh… [RUSTLING OF CLOTHES] MARTIN: Now, seriously? We’re almost out of here. ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] I’m sorry…! Not really up to me…! MARTIN: Fine. [SIGH]

Martin: When are we getting to the Panopticon!! Can’t we take another direction or a shortcut? I don’t like these places. Jon: Can we stop for a bit? I really need a break!! Right now!!

Awful kids, do not go on vacation with them.

- Eeeeeeh that Jon&Martin’s tastes in media are so different!

(MAG136) ARCHIVIST: Hm. Neil Lagorio… You ever see any of his work? DAISY: No. Not really into films. ARCHIVIST: Oh, they were… Well, let’s just say that it’s not a complete shock there was something unnatural to them. Didn’t know we had copies in the Institute, though; let alone original cuts. [CHUCKLE] Records indicate they [PAPERS RUSTLING] ended up in… Artefact Storage. DAISY: Probably best that they stay there. ARCHIVIST: … Yeah. Yes, of course.

(MAG165) MARTIN: Was it a good poem? ARCHIVIST: I don’t know! “No”? You’re the poetry expert, Martin, not me…! […] Then I don’t know what you mean, Martin, I’m not a poetry person, I don’t… “get it”. I never have. MARTIN: That’s… That’s fine, I understand…! ARCHIVIST: Look. I’m better than I was; I used to think all poetry was bad. MARTIN: Sorry, what?! ARCHIVIST: I mean, I just thought of… [SIGH] I sort of thought it was pointless! Just… write some prose and stop… wasting everyone’s time! MARTIN: Hm! What changed? ARCHIVIST: I don’t know, I just… mellowed on it, I suppose. MARTIN: That’s… kind of weird. ARCHIVIST: In my defence, there is a lot of bad poetry out there.

(MAG167) ARCHIVIST: … Methinks the Spider doth protest too much…! [BAG JOSTLING] MARTIN: Jon. ARCHIVIST: Joking! Just joking.

(MAG172) MARTIN: … Yeah, screw this place. Never liked theatre anyway.

I hope that Theatre Kid Jon felt personally offended by that last one. (I’m really waiting for Martin to learn that Jon has been listening to The Archers.)

- It had been highlighted in season 3 that Martin didn’t really get Jon’s sense of humour. The archival staff overall had a general tendency to resort to dark/insensitive humour to cope with their situation, but ;; I side with Martin on how right now, it doesn’t feel relieving or reassuring that Jon makes small jokes about the horror befalling people:

(MAG171) ARCHIVIST: It takes a skilled gardener to get them to grow like this. The curling, cascading intricacies of collagen and marrow… it takes devotion. MARTIN: Jon. [FOOTSTEPS STOP] [WHIMPERS IN THE BACKGROUND] ARCHIVIST: … S–sorry. MARTIN: You sound like you think they’re beautiful. [FOOTSTEPS RESUME] ARCHIVIST: Don’t you? [SILENCE]

(MAG172) ARCHIVIST: If you’re bored, you could always… take in a show. MARTIN: That’s… That’s not funny, Jon. ARCHIVIST: If you say so…! […] Ticket for one, then, I suppose.

… because we don’t really know if Jon wants to make them stop?

(“Ticket for one”, tho, was INCREDIBLE and very “jON.”)

- … When Jon told Martin to try to not focus too much on which part of his actions/decisions could be due to The Web:

(MAG172) MARTIN: I’m saying I don’t know, do I? I thought I was just curious, it felt like curiosity, but… given where we are, and with The Web everywhere, and Annabelle Cane still out there playing mind games with payphones, I just… [SIGH] I mean, how do you even know if it’s your motivation, you know? Being here… [SIGH] I–it just makes me second-guess all of it, and I… I don’t like it, it… really scares me. ARCHIVIST: I, uh… MARTIN: Oh, don’t say that’s what it wants, I know. ARCHIVIST: I, I wasn’t going to. […] Don’t do this to yourself, Martin. This is what it wants, the, the paranoia. [SIGH] Trust me, I, I know. MARTIN: … Fair.

… he indeed reaaaally knew from experience. MAG147 had visible effects on him, to the point that Melanie directly addressed it and Annabelle became a regular potential culprit in Jon’s mind alongside Peter and Elias:

(MAG147) ARCHIVIST: I’m sure the flares will work fine. … I mean, un–unless it’s all some… elaborate… plot… to have us… burn this place down again. BASIRA: So what if it is? ARCHIVIST: I don’t follow…? BASIRA: I mean. Anything we do could be part of the “Grand Master Plan”. So – what, we do nothing? Just… sit on our hands, and hope that’s not what the spiders want? ARCHIVIST: [SIGH]

(MAG150) ARCHIVIST: Melanie, could you… could you describe your therapist for me? MELANIE: [CHUCKLING] What? You think I wouldn’t notice if she had cobwebs down her face? ARCHIVIST: … No? […] It’s just… The Web can be subtle, you understand? MELANIE: And? For all you know, its plan is to paralyse you with indecision…! ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] MELANIE: Leaving you… sitting here, terrified that… everything you do is somehow all part of its Grand Plan… And who do you think that fear is gonna feed? ARCHIVIST: Yes, well. [INHALE] You are… not the first, to make that point.

(MAG157) ARCHIVIST: [LONG INHALE, EXHALE] This… tape was left on my desk. I don’t know by who, but to my mind there are… three options. Martin has left it here, to let me know that… whatever the situation is with Peter Lukas, it is entering its final act and he needs my help. Alternatively, Peter may have left it here to… goad me into action? Or just to gloat, to highlight my helplessness and everything. [SIGH] Or Annabelle Cane is trying to manipulate me into thinking it’s one of the other scenarios. Previously, the Spiders have made their presence clear when they’ve sent me… “hints”, but I can’t take that for granted. I don’t know what to do…!

(MAG158) ARCHIVIST: And I don’t keep any of them with the key to the tunnels. It’s been left for me. DAISY: And it says “Play me.” Kind of suspicious. BASIRA: So Elias left it? ARCHIVIST: Or Martin. O–or Peter, or… Annabelle!

(And we still don’t know who had left the tapes and Adelard’s last statement. Peter and Martin didn’t mention them, nor did Elias, which indeed leaves The Web for these ones…)

I love that since season 4, Martin’s answer tends to be “screw it, I hate this, bye”: with Peter and Elias’s live-divorce, with the Lonely house, now with The Web doing… something to him. Trying to call to him? To make him hear “the music”, as Simon’s allegory had described it?

- So Jon has trouble seeing ~the big picture~ of The Web:

(MAG172) MARTIN: Jon, what does The Web want? It’s… I mean, we know it’s got a plan, can’t you just… see what it is? ARCHIVIST: [SIGH] “Knowing”, “seeing”… i–it’s not the same thing as… understanding. Every time I try to know what The Web’s plan is, if it can even be called a plan, I see… a hundred thousand events and causes and links, an impossibly intricate pattern of consequences and subtle nudges, but I–I can’t…! … I can’t hold them all in my head at the same time. There’s no way to see the “whole”, the, the point of it all. I can see all the details, but it doesn’t… provide… context or… intention. I suppose The Web doesn’t work in knowledge, not in the same way.

And how ~convenient~ that the Vast grandpa wasn’t dead by the time of season 4, and is probably Enjoying Sky Blue in a domain of his own:

(MAG151) SIMON: Peter, however, seems to think that it will upset the balance that we all have an awful lot invested in. And he’s not at all certain the world as we understand will come out the other side. MARTIN: And let me guess – you think he can’t see the “big picture”? SIMON: [INHALE] I see why he likes you! MARTIN: [SIGH] SIMON: It’s all a matter of perspective, you see. My patron has gifted me with… quite frankly, an absurdly long life. An appropriate gift, and one that serves to provide a certain distance from things. Of course, a paltry few centuries is nothing, really, but it’s more than most get. And even in that brief time, I’ve seen all sorts of ebbs and flows to balance off things.

We’ve yet to cross a Vast domain, Jon said he REALLY didn’t want to meet Simon ever, Simon was incredibly smitten with Martin… there is still hope for Meeting-Simon-in-the-Vast-domain.

(- Sounds like Jon remembers Helen’s point about “knowing” and “understanding” being two different things (with Jon adding “seeing”):

(MAG164) HELEN: And please: my name is “Helen”. ARCHIVIST: Like you said, I can know everything now. Including how much of a lie that really is. HELEN: Don’t mistake “complication” for “falsehood”, dear Archivist. ARCHIVIST: [AGGRAVATED EXHALE] HELEN: And remember, that knowledge is not the same thing as understanding.

And now I’m remembering that The Distortion used to be curious about the house on Hill Top Road, but not really able to tell what The Spider was doing there… Did Helen get her answers in season 4?)

- Oufft re: Martin&Jon’s discussion:

(MAG172) ARCHIVIST: I was going to suggest that… I could… maybe… “know”. I could look. Just a quick peek, to, to see if it was just curiosity, or… something else. … Well? MARTIN: I don’t… If you look, and I was… “influenced”, then how can I trust anything else? How can I believe any of my thoughts and feelings are really mine? ARCHIVIST: U–uh, well… I–I–I’ll still be here to check, I–I’m not leaving you. MARTIN: Sure, but you’d be looking through the details of everything that ever crosses my mind? I don’t want that! Y–you know I don’t want that. ARCHIVIST: … I know. […] So… Do you want me to? To, to tell you if…? MARTIN: No. [SIGH] No, I’ll just have to live with it, I guess. Hardly the worst thing I’ll have gone through since– … I, hum. I–it’s fine. [SIGH]

I really liked how it absolutely didn’t feel like an argument (and wasn’t one!): Martin has objections, has the power to make a decision, and gets the last word… since it primarily involves himself. I appreciate that Martin was able to tell the main flaw of Jon’s offer – knowing what is happening could provide a temporary relief… but wouldn’t offer a sustainable existence for him (if The Web isn’t trying to manipulate Martin now, it doesn’t mean that it won’t try later, which means that Jon would have to check regularly; and if Martin is under influence… indeed, Martin couldn’t trust himself anymore, and depending on Jon’s power to check everything would turn Martin’s existence into a half-life. And it would still feed The Web in the process). Kudos to Jon for his restraint, too, because given his insistence, he’s probably curious/afraid about it, but he hasn’t broken his promise of avoiding to “know” about Martin and he laid out Martin’s options, leaving the decision to him. On that front, they’re doing fine!

  Title for MAG173 very much screams “Dark, duh?!” but it feels very easy, so is it a trap. I could see the link if it were Vast or Hunt, too, but really, it just screams Dark. … And it could work for a character death episode, but I feel like every title can read like a character death episode one way or another. (Worried about Daisyyyy…)