#you are all so valid and I hope you get god sleep at night
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wackachewbacca · 1 year ago
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A gentle reminder for all critters
Everyone and I mean every single person in the group Vox Machina is QUEER. No one is straight!
Vax’ildan is practically the poster child for bisexual disaster for this whole party. He’s flirted with: Gilmore, Percy, both of the Briarwoods in the incident that earned him the said title bisexual disaster, and Keyleth who became his partner.
Vex’ahlia is probably also bisexual based on encounters with Keyleth and possibly also Zahra.
Keyleth is demi and possibly also bisexual/pansexual based on her encounters with Vex’ahlia.
Percy is bisexual/pansexual. He’s been kissed by both Vex’ahlia and Vax’ildan, and been flirted with by Taryon Darrington which he didn’t mind and the two of them became friends afterwards.
Scanlan is pansexual. He’s been with multiple genders according to campaign and the show. He also flirts with Percy at one point under the effects of a charm effect which could only happen if you were attracted to the gender of the person.
Pike is bisexual/pansexual. According to campaign, she has spent time with women.
Grog probably also falls somewhere under demiromantic or possibly aromantic. He’s not really into romance altogether, but he enjoys sex with people of the opposite gender from him.
Taryon is gay. He has had a prior relationship to a man and confessed to being in love with Percy. He does not care for romantic or sexual relationships with women.
I know it’s been some time since we’ve seen them all during their romantic relationships but they are all queer. And just because most of them ended up in relationships with people of the opposite gender from them does not make them being queer less valid. They are in queer relationships and denying it and saying they’re straight is erasure of the identities each member belongs to.
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jadedbirch · 9 days ago
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Gather around, my young friends and fellow dinosaurs, let me tell you about some BULLSHIT no one ever tells you about. I'm talking about menopause and perimenopause. Now, menopause has a very stringent medical definition. You have to not have had a period for exactly 12 months and a day to be considered in menopause. All the bullshit before that day once you start going through The Change is considered perimenopause. Here's some bullshit you might experience that people actually talk about when you're in perimenopause:
- shorter time between periods
- irregular periods
- hot flashes and/or cold flashes
- fucked up sleep
- OMG NIGHT SWEATS
- Vagina as dry as the Sahara desert
- lighter periods and/or endless bleeding like it's The Flood but it's in your pants
- lack of interest in Adult Fun Times
This time of joy can last anywhere from a couple of years to a god damn decade and there's no medical way right now to predict it.
Here's some of the REAL bullshit they don't tell you about but your dinosaur aunt is here to let you know:
- You can start perimenopause in your 30s, don't listen to idiot doctors who tell you you're "too young" because they don't know your body like you do.
- Perimenopause will make you HELLA DUMB. Seriously, I'm talking Bigly broken brain. Brain fog? Check. Short term memory? Wave goodbye to it. Ability to make words form out of thoughts? Yeah, good luck to you.
- Perimenopause can cause horrible fatigue because in addition to losing estrogen, you're also losing testosterone. Oh and that also leads to muscle wasting, cool cool.
- Things might suddenly hurt more because estrogen is known to be neuroprotective.
- If you're super lucky like I am, and like to collect rare illnesses, you might even get Burning Mouth Syndrome 💀
- And meanwhile, while you're going through this bullshit, you'll be getting gaslit by doctors who are operating based on 30 year old debunked data about how HRT causes breast cancer (not really) and that they shouldn't put you on it until you're in actual menopause. (Data shows starting HRT early can potentially prevent Alzheimer's in later years.)
- There are entire online clinics right now (I use Midi Health) focused on providing care for peri and menopausal patients and they will happily prescribe you HRT even if your regular PCP or OBGYN do not (if you meet the criteria). I've been pretty impressed with how holistically they view the patient. For full disclosure, I learned about them from my integrative health doctor and they do not accept Medicare (yet).
I'm 46 years old right now and I've been symptomatic for perimenopause for the last 8 years, although it's gotten the most dramatic in the past 2 years or so, which I hope means I'm almost done, holy hell. Yeah I was on the early side, but if it can happen to me, it can happen to you, so it's never too early to think about these things. And I hope to at least spare some of you the mind-fuckery I've been through because no one told me about most of this stuff, including my own mother who just DOESN'T REMEMBER what happened to her and now I completely understand why. And because I also have a connective tissue disease, I used to just dismiss my pain and fatigue as being caused by that illness rather than the loss of hormones.
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Anyways, this is why we need Elders in our lives, so they can do Grandma Story Hour like I just did and validate you when the entire medical field tries to gaslight you. I hope you've found some or all of this educational/useful. Please share with your friends because we really do NOT talk about this stuff enough. (Ewwww Moon Blood!)
Stay well, and don't let the bastards grind you down!
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shenanigans-and-imagines · 1 year ago
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I Want It All: Part 3
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Part 1, Part 2
Astarion x AsexaulBard!Tav Masterlist
Astarion x Reader, Astarion x Tav, Astarion x Asexual!Reader, Astarion x Bard!Reader
Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Soft!Astarion, Allusion to Astarion's Past (Sexual Assult/Dissociation)
Summary: You and Astarion had been playing this little game of yours for a while; he pretends to care, you pretend not to fall for it. It’s easy, even fun at times. The trouble is, what happens the moment you can’t pretend anymore?
A/N: Holy shit! It's done! Thank you so much to everyone who has commented and reblogged and just...everything. I cannot tell you how much it means to be to know this story has resonated with so many people. I don't have any plans to continue this as a larger story (I still haven't played the game); however, if anyone would like to send requests for small one-shots or headcanons involving Astarion and this Asexual!Tav, feel free to send me an ask.
Also, sorry if I didn't tag you. There were a lot of request, so I stuck to those who asked on the previous chapter.
And as always REBLOG AND COMMENT IF YOU LIKE THIS! I NEED VALIDATION TO SURVIVE!!!
Word Count: 5.2K
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You didn’t sleep that night, but what else did you expect?
For hours you simply lay in the dark, staring at the window. The patter of rain was the only source of sound besides your own breathing. Even that small comfort didn’t last as the storm passed leaving behind cloud covered silence.
No tears came to you.  What had you to grieve over? Everything you felt had been a product of your imagination. You knew that.
Still, it ached.  There was a throbbing in your throat you couldn’t swallow down and a constant pressure behind your eyes.  You almost wished you would cry, just to get it out of your system. If you could have a nice little breakdown, there was a chance you could get over this. It would be the slap in the face you needed to accept reality. Maybe then you’d stop doing this to yourself.
All the same, it stayed there, pressing heavy on your chest until the sun teased the edges of the clouds beaconing morning.
You groaned, burying your face into the pillow. You couldn’t lie and wallow the rest of the day. You had things to do, places to be, worms to destroy. The sooner you had something else to occupy your thoughts the better.
With an effort you pulled yourself out of bed and slowly made your way to the dining room.
You were a bit surprised to see everybody already up. Wyll, Karlach, Lae’zel, Shadowheart, and Gale were already seated with plates of half eaten food in front of them.  Two seats were still empty, settings ready and untouched. A quick look around confirmed the rest, Astarion had yet to make an appearance.
“Morning everyone,” you said, trying your best to be cheerful as you sat yourself between Gale and Wyll.  
You could feel all their eyes on you, no doubt noticing the dark circles under yours.
“Morning,” Gale greeted. “I trust you slept well.”
He let out a small yelp of pain.
You looked up to catch him glaring at Shadowheart as she shot him a disapproving look.
You frowned. Did she just kick him?
“I mean, ah, did you lie comfortably?” he amended.
“Seriously?” Karlach questioned.
You swore you could feel the heat of Gale’s blush, as he grumbled into his toast. “Damn it, you know what I mean.”
“Do I?” you asked.
“We just hoped you spent the rest of the night…pleasantly,” Wyll tried, and ultimately failed.
Your stomach flipped, as harsh, dreadful realization washed over you.  Yes, of course they would.
“You don’t look well,” Lae’zel noted. “After all his boasting, I had thought Astarion would leave his partners more satisfied.”
You didn’t say anything, deciding to take a bite of egg as an excuse. Now would be a great time for the ground to open and swallow you into the hells. Gods knew it would be an improvement.
“She’s right,” Shadowheart said, sounding a little annoyed to admit it. “You do look tired and not the good kind. Did something happen?”
“Did he hurt you,” Wyll said, his brow furrowing in sudden concern.
“What?! No!” you said quickly. “Nothing happened.”
“How’d you mean nothing happened?” Karlach put in. “We all saw what we saw. How could anyone turn down all of that?”
Fresh embarrassment washed over you, making you wish you could erase the last twenty-four hours and crawl into the nearest, deepest hole. You had spent the whole night worried about what Astarion would make of your vision, you had all but forgotten you had shared that part of yourself with all of your companions. Of course they would have their own interpretations.
“It wasn’t like that.”
A quick look around the table gave away the doubtful thoughts of all.  
You took a deep breath, willing yourself to calm. They weren’t going to believe you if you were emotional about this.
“Look, I appreciate your concern, but I’m fine. As I said, nothing happened. We talked, and it became clear that we just want different things. That’s the beginning and the end of it. Now are we done or are you all going to keep chattering on like a bunch of fishwives?”
The silence at the table was palpable as everyone exchanged looks.
Alright, maybe being calm wasn't a realistic expectation, but you hadn’t lied. Sure, there were some details you neglected to share, but that really was the long and the short of it. He hadn’t done anything wrong and neither had you. It just didn’t work out.
The plain truth of it settled in your heart carving out a hollow space for it to lay in.
Gale was the first to act, clearing his throat. “Fair enough, the matter is closed. Please, accept our apology. With such an intimate group as ours, it’s sometimes easy to forget that one’s personal matters can be well and truly personal.”
He looked at the rest of the group, each nodding in agreement to various degrees of reluctancy.
“Just for the record though, if you need someone to knock some sense into that pretty boy’s head, you just need to ask,” Karlach offered. 
Despite yourself, you had to smile. “I’ll think about it.”
You then turned to Gale, who met you with kind eyes and a comforting smile. You let yourself be warmed by it, even if you still felt a little guilty for snapping. He really did understand. It was easy for heartbreak to recognize heartbreak.
“Thank you,” you murmured. 
To your surprise, his first instinct wasn’t to reach for words, but rather your hand as he gave your fingers a gentle squeeze. 
“Anytime.” 
“Good morning everyone. Gossiping without me?”
You whipped your head around to find Astarion standing near the head of the table, a sardonic smile on his lips and a hard glare in his eyes.  No doubt he had heard everything. 
Everybody shifted in their seats, glancing between you and Astarion. You averted your gaze, focusing hard on the table in front of you. 
Gale’s hand still rested over yours. Whatever comfort it had given you, faded as something akin to panic flooded your veins. In the next second, you rose from your chair, scraping it hard against the floor in your hurry. 
“I’ve still got some packing to do,” you said. “Be back down in a few.” 
Coward’s way out? Yes, but after the night you had, you figured you were entitled to it. 
Keeping your head down, you slipped past Astarion, feeling him watch you as you made your way back up the stairs. 
If you had lingered a moment, you might have caught the flash of hurt in his eyes. You might have noticed how his clothes were more rumpled than usual. You might even have seen his hand twitch with the instinct to reach for yours. But you didn’t see, and anything that might have happened disappeared in a brush of air. 
-----------------------
The next several days carried on in much the same way.  Not as torturous as that first morning, but still a drudge of avoidance and awkward silences. 
In your defense, Astarion seemed just as keen to keep his distance. Where he used to be your preverbal shadow, filling the hours of travel with idle teasing and conversation, now he kept to the back, his mouth decidedly shut. 
The others caught on and seemed determined to make up the difference. Karlach, Shadowheart and Wyll especially made a point to walk alongside you, telling stories and jokes in an attempt to make you smile. 
You did your best. They meant well, but in some ways they only served to emphasize the absence of another. 
Gale, on the other hand, had the foresight to try a different approach. He made it clear he didn’t expect you to talk, but always made sure you had the best spot by the fire and a little extra of whatever he made for the camp. You had to wonder if Tara had provided a similar comfort to him after Mystra. It was obvious he had the practice. 
Even Lae’zel offered to help you train it off, something about how your, “objectively weak body had left the rest of you vulnerable to attack”. A part of you felt the insult, but the gesture was appreciated. 
Honestly, all of this care was starting to make you feel guilty. None of them were giving Astarion the same courtesy. He wasn’t being shunted exactly, but the message was loud and clear; they were on your side. 
This was met by him taking a step back from the late night conversations. His interactions with the others were kept short and lacked his usual humorous flare. He took his shifts on watch alone and he spent even more time either roaming the forest or in his tent. 
The only person he consistently spoke to was Gale, which should have raised some alarm bells on their own, but you never caught what they were discussing. All you knew was Astarion never appeared especially pleased while Gale gave a look of someone begging the gods for patience. 
All of this was your fault. You just wanted things to go back to normal. Even if you couldn’t be with Astarion the way you imagined, you still valued his friendship.  If this kept up, there was a chance he might decide to leave all together. An olive branch was needed, something to signal you didn’t hold a grudge or expect anything more. 
The answer came to you one early evening as you took note of his haggard looks and less than graceful steps out of camp.  He hadn’t fed on you in a week and there was only so much deer and boar could do. 
You considered simply offering up your neck, but that felt too forward. Besides, you weren’t sure if you were ready to have him that close. The only other solution you could think of was to bleed yourself somehow. 
This proved more difficult than you first imagined. Astarion seemed to have an instinct for where to bite, balancing enough blood for himself without causing any permanent damage. You couldn’t boast the same. It took more than one cut to fill an empty goblet with what you hoped to be the right amount of blood. You’d ask Shadowheart to heal you properly later. Hopefully she’d accept a poorly executed knife trick as an excuse. 
You wrapped your wrist as best you could and, watching to make sure the others weren’t looking, slipped into Astarion’s tent. 
You were immediately hit with the scent of bergamot, rosemary, and aged brandy. A sense of calm washed over you at the familiar combination, settling comfortably in your lungs as you took in the space.
 A single candle remained lit, allowing just enough light for you to appreciate the rich purple and red fabrics lining the walls as well as the sheer number of pillows littering the floor. How he managed to pack so many was a mystery you doubt you would ever solve. The whole set up was down right ornate, but considering this was Astarion you were talking about, you shouldn’t have been surprised. 
It was only then you realized you’d never been inside before. He’d invited you more than once, but you’d always turned him down preferring to keep your feeding session in the open air. You had known, even then, any closer would give the wrong impression; all for naught it seemed.
You pushed the thought aside, pulling your attention back to the matter at hand. There had to be some place you could put the goblet where he wouldn’t knock it over. Why did he have to keep a side table outside the tent?
A shuffle came from just outside. Focusing your ears, you caught the tread of boots on grass transition to the nearly silent carpet just outside the tent flap. You turned using those handful of extra seconds to school your features into something passively innocent as Astarion ducked inside.
His whole body froze, his arm holding the fabric above his head as his eyes went wide. For a long moment, neither of you said anything. 
You took advantage of his momentary shock to examine his appearance more closely. He looked…well, tired and more than a little confused. No blood marked his shirt or his lips. His pants appeared to have taken a tear or two from a bramble bush. Even his hair looked just a bit disheveled in a way so unlike himself.  
“No luck hunting?” you said, unable to keep the concern out of your voice. 
He stared, as if your words were coming from somewhere far away and required extra time to reach his ears.
“I’ve had better,” he finally said. 
You nodded in understanding, shifting awkwardly as your eyes went to the goblet in your hands. 
“Here,” you offered. “No offense, but you look like you could use it.”
He gave a tight smile. “I’d say no offense taken, but this is me we’re talking about.” All the same, he took the cup, sniffing it cautiously. He blinked hard, his brows furrowing as he stuck his nose further into the cup and took a deep whiff. 
“Is this yours?” he asked. 
You shrugged, holding up your bandaged wrist. “Whose else would it be?”
His mouth parted slightly as if to say something before closing it again. 
“You didn’t have to do that,” he said, his tone oddly serious. 
“I know,” you assured. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
Once again, he opened his mouth as if to speak, but instead released a breath of a laugh, allowing whatever tension he had formed in those last few seconds to fall from his shoulders. 
“I know I shouldn’t be surprised, but it seems I can’t help it with you.” 
Before you could ask him what exactly he meant, he raised the goblet to his lips and drank. 
The effect was instantaneous. Your blood met his tongue and any control he had slipped away. His pupils dilated to those of a predator as he guzzled the whole thing down in two deep swallows. He let out a gasp of air before returning to the cup, licking the sides so not to waste a drop. A low hum of bliss came from deep in his chest as he savored the rest, allowing his fingers to scrap the bottom before bringing it back to his mouth. 
The sight should have left you horrified, but in truth, it was encouraging. Things would be different, but you could at least provide him this. 
“Do you need more?” you asked. 
This time his laugh was loud and genuine as he wiped the corner of his mouth with the back of his hand before licking the remains; yet another thing you found inexplicably endearing. He really was just a big cat sometimes. 
“Dangerous thing to offer me in this state, darling,” he said. “Luckily for you, I found a nice burrow of rabbits yesterday.” 
Once satisfied there was truly nothing left, he set the goblet down on the ground before turning his attention to your wrist. 
“Let me see,” he said, reaching out a hand. 
“It’s fine,” you promised. “I’ll get Shadowheart to look at it later.” 
“I’ll be the judge of that, give it here.”
Knowing there was no fighting him, you relented, allowing him to unwrap the bandages.  
He visibly winced as he examined the litter of harsh scratches along your skin. “What did you use? A rusty spoon?” 
“I had trouble finding a good vein,” you said, feeling the need to defend yourself. You hadn’t thought it looked that bad. 
“Oh is that all? And here I thought you’d lost an argument with a displacer beast.” 
You pressed your lips into an annoyed line, but Astarion was already digging around his pack, coming back with a salve and potion of healing.  
“Drink this.”
You shook your head, ignoring the pleasant little flutter in your chest at the gesture. “I told you, I’ll just ask Shadowheart.”
“Oh this isn’t just for you,” he said, dryly. “Do you think I want her believing you’d willingly butcher yourself just to give me a proper meal? Neither of us would hear the end of it.” 
A small flush of embarrassment worked up your neck. He was right, of course. The party really hadn’t been subtle in their disapproval. It was the reason you had tried for discretion. 
Without further protest you accepted the potion. 
This seemed to appease him as he quickly got to work on applying the salve. 
He had bought it not long after you had come to your little feeding arrangement. It helped to sooth small cuts and bruises while minimizing the threat of scars. He had initially offered to provide…other services to relieve the pain, but you had declined. This was the compromise. You’d offered to do it yourself, but he insisted, claiming it was the least he could do. In truth, it was all very…transactional. 
This felt different. The hesitation he so often held, as if waiting for the other shoe to drop, was gone. His touch was gentle, his expression focused and his body oddly relaxed. It didn’t feel like an obligation, but an act of kindness, one he was more than willing to give. 
Any nerves that remained slipped away.  You could find a way to live with this. Certainly it was more than others had given you in the past. 
Once he was done, he pulled fresh bandages from his bag and began redressing your wounds with decidedly more precision than you had. 
“I am glad you’re here,” he said, breaking the silence. “I was hoping we could talk.”
A sharp sting of anxiety pressed itself into your skin. 
“Oh?” 
He nodded, tying off the bandage. “I think it’s important.”
You swallowed. The instinct to run pulled at your feet, but you managed to keep it in check. You owed him that much. 
“Well, I’m here so…let’s talk.”
He breathed out an audible sigh of relief, raising his hands up as he took a small step back.
“Just stand there a moment. Don’t move.”
He spun around, rummaging through various bags before letting out a cry of triumph. He stepped back holding what looked to be a violin string glowing with magical golden light. 
Your head tilted to the side as your eyes narrowed. “Is that…?”
“Part of the violin, yes,” he admitted. “Bit of a story. Short version, Gale was able to extract one of the strings. It shouldn’t cause any permanent damage to the instrument, as far as I know.” 
You raised a doubtful eyebrow. “And Gale just let you pluck this from his tent did he?”
Astarion shifted uncomfortably. “Not exactly. I, ah, may have had some trouble understanding how it worked and…inquired as to his assistance.”
“You asked Gale for help?” you asked, astonished.
“Don’t make me relive the experience,” he lamented. “He told me the strings themselves have different magical properties in order to create the effect you demonstrated the other night. Apparently this one alone compels people to tell the truth.” 
He then took the string and carefully wrapped it around his wrist before handing the other half to you. 
Your eyes widened, glancing between him and the offered cord. “What are you doing?”
“Leveling the playing field,” he said, as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
You shook your head, taking a step back. “You don’t have to do that.”
His lips curved into a self deprecating smile. “I think I do though. I haven’t been honest with you and…while that’s not exactly unique to you, the regret I have is. So you see, it really is a selfish action. If I’m to be free of this, I need to know for certain you understand that what I say next is the truth…all of it.” 
Your mouth opened to protest, but the words caught in your throat. The expression on his face was one you had never seen before. While he did his best to hide under his usual indifferent airs, his eyes gave him away. You’d never seen them so open and unsure. 
Slowly, you took the other end, feeling a familiar tingle spread through your fingers. 
“Alright,” you said, cautiously. “What’s your favorite color?”
Flashes of red shot across your vision, moonlit skies and a pair of eyes you only just caught to be your own before the image settled on something else entirely.
“Pink,” Astarion blurted.
Your eyebrows shot up as the start of a delighted smile spread across your face.
 “And orange,” he amended quickly, “and dark blue and…honestly just the color of the sky at sunrise.” He pouted as if annoyed at the words that escaped his lips, but he shook it off. “Alright, you had your little test run. Give me something harder.” 
You considered a moment. It was very tempting to continue on with some more embarrassing questions, but that wasn’t the purpose of all of this. Best to start at the beginning. 
“What did you think of me when we first met?” you asked.
He grimaced, guilt evident not just through his averted gaze but the tug of the string between you. “You were a target,” he admitted. “At best a convenient meat shield. You were just so…open, ready to trust. Manipulating you would be easy.”
You took a deep breath, ignoring the stab of pain between your ribs. You should have expected as much. He wasn’t exactly subtle. 
“And that’s what you were trying to do the other night, manipulate me?”
“Yes.”
Another stab of guilt, a flash of your own back walking out of a candle lit room as a hand that was not your own reached hopelessly outward. 
Your actual jaw clenched. “I don’t need your pity.”
“It’s not pity.”
“Then what?!” you snapped. “Hells bells Astarion, do you even like me?”
“You drive me to acts of insanity,” he said indignantly, raising up the glowing cord around his wrist as proof. “Do you think I’d willing subject myself to days of Gale’s passive aggressive commentary on my personal life for just anyone? Of course I like you. Gods below!”
You stared, unable to deny the waves of exasperation mixed with the sound of your own laughter as heard through another’s ears. Something warm and unfamiliar bloomed in the chest of the body opposite you making your mind spin, as you tried to re-establish the divide. 
“Why did you ask me to come to you?” you asked. “What were you hoping to gain?”
Astarion took a deep breath. It was only then you noticed how tightly he was holding the chord linking you.
“I was hoping to get back on track,” he said, slowly. “I had a plan when we met. A nice simple plan. Seduce you, bed you, manipulate your emotions so you’d never turn on me. It was easy…instinctive.” 
He met your eyes and for the first time, you felt him fight against the images threatening to breach the gap between you. You caught the barest flashes, memories of half forgotten faces passing by one after another. Shame and vile brushed the edges of your mind, and quickly faded as Astarion regained control. 
“But, you seemed immune to my attempts,” he continued. “I could tell you enjoyed my attentions, but you never asked for more. My simple plan that had worked on countless targets, couldn’t get off the ground. And yet, you still gave me blood, protection…trust. I couldn’t understand it. I found myself wanting to know more, to know you. To anticipate what you would ultimately ask in exchange. And then that night, you showed me exactly what it was you desired.”
Something slipped through. You saw yourself in the center of the tavern with darkness surrounding you. A rise of fear entered your heart as you heard your name called from familiar lips. And then, the world shifted, light came back into the world and it was…beautiful. 
“I thought I finally understood you,” he said. “A poor repressed urchin who had been hurt one too many times. All that was required was a more gentle touch. I could provide that. It wouldn’t be the first time.” 
He paused, his expression softening. “And then you had to do the most inconsiderate thing and surprise me all over again: you asked for my heart, in exchange for yours. I should have been elated. It meant my plan had worked, not the way I intended, but you had fallen for it…for me. The trouble was, I hadn’t accounted for the possibility that I would fall for you.”
You stared, unable to say anything as a well of emotion threatened to burst from you. It was as if someone pulled a bow across your chest, creating a resonating sound that moved in harmony with your very soul. 
It was true, all of it. 
By some miracle, you wrestled back control over your lungs and tongue. 
“Why didn’t you say anything?” 
“I didn’t know how,” he admitted. “Even if I had, would you have believed me?”
You averted your gaze. It was answer enough. 
“It’s alright,” he said, offering a wry smile. “Smart really. I wouldn’t have believed me either.” 
You nodded in appreciation, your mind still reeling from everything he had just confessed. 
“What are you thinking?” he asked. 
You frowned, unable to shake a question that had been stirring for some time. 
“Do you even want to have sex with me?”
His eyebrows shot into his hairline, his mouth falling open. “I’m standing here baring my soul to you and that’s what you ask?”
“You asked me what I was thinking,” you defended. “Besides, it’s a relevant question.” 
He looked like he wanted to argue, but let it go just as quickly with a huff. 
“Well?” you prompted. 
He made a series of non-commital noises, his mouth half forming words before being wrenched in another direction. The chord between you glowed brighter, twisting just a little deeper into his skin.
“I…don’t really know,” he said, slightly stilted, as if surprised by his own answer. “To be clear, I do find you physically enticing. In that aspect at least, I’d hardly qualify bedding you a chore, but... I spent two centuries using lust and desire to lure people back to him. In that time I developed the habit of taking myself out of my body, looking at it as if it were happening to somebody else.  Even in those rare times it could be pleasurable, I still walked away feeling nothing but disgust and loathing. I don’t want those feelings associated with you. At the same time, I can’t help thinking that if we were together, it would be different. But, don’t take that to mean I expect it. Like I said, I don’t even know if I want it. Honestly, before you said it, I didn’t know saying no was an option.”
You took all of that in, your heart clenching as the full weight of what Cazador did to him settled on your mind.  Red filed your vision, the sympathetic ache replaced with a rush of fury.  He was a dead man. One way or another, you would see Cazador bloodied by the end of all of this. But as quickly as it had come you let the emotion pass. This wasn’t about him.  You wouldn’t let him intrude any more on this moment. 
“What do you want from me then?” you asked, softly. 
To your relief, something familiar and teasing flashed across his face. 
“I thought I’d made that obvious.”
With his free hand, he cupped your cheek allowing his thumb to lightly caress your skin. His scarlet eyes burned not with lust, but something warmer and just as desperate. 
“You showed me the chorus of your heart. How could anyone look upon that and not desire it? The trouble is, the price you asked. I…I don’t know how to pay it. I don’t know how to be with someone that way, but I’m willing to learn. I want it all. I want you to have it all.” 
The connection between you burned hot in your hand, but you couldn’t let it go. It felt so warm, so real. It filled every empty part of you to the point of bursting and still you wanted more. You were insatiable. 
Astarion looked just as lost as you, his eyes glazed over with too many emotions for you to name. His body began to tremble. It was becoming too much. 
In an instant you pulled his hand away, unwrapping the chord from around his wrist and tossing it aside.
He took a sudden deep breath as if coming up for air after being submerged in deep water. 
“Shit,” he cursed, gulping for air. Closing his eyes, he ran a hand down his face as he tried to calm. 
Your eyes widened as you caught the angry marks left behind on his wrist. 
“Are you alright?”
He blinked hard as if clearing spots from his vision. “I’m fine. Wasn’t expecting that is all.” He turned his focus to you with a bewildered expression. “Does it always feel like that?”
“That’s admittedly a first for me,” you confessed. You reached out your hand, glancing at his injury. “Let me see.”
He followed your gaze frowning, as if surprised to note the welts forming on his wrist. Still he stepped closer allowing you to examine them without protest. 
“Does it hurt?” you asked. 
He shook his head. “Sort of numb, honestly, tingly.”
You nodded, swallowing hard to keep the rise of guilt and fear at bay. It didn’t help. 
“I’m sorry,” you said, quickly. 
He tilted his head, his eyes narrowing. “Don’t think a little thing like this is going to scare me off. I meant what I said. I intend to give you your fill.”
“You don’t have to give it all at once,” you promised. “I can be patient when it counts.” 
A sly smile turned at his lips. “I almost hope you won’t. You’re not the only one who's starving.”
Heat spread up your neck, something Astarion undoubtedly caught as he gave a low laugh. 
“Well, now that we’ve cleared the air, what happens next?” he asked. 
“I’m…not sure,” you admitted. “Nobody else has ever given me the chance to figure that out.” 
He nodded slowly, before taking a small step back. His head tilted as if to examine you from every angle. A question started to form on your tongue just as the start of a smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. He suddenly straightened before placing a hand on his chest and regarded you with a deep bow. 
You grinned, matching him with a curtsy of your own. 
He then offered his hand, which you easily took before he pulled you just a little closer. Your other hand found his shoulder while his pressed lightly on your waist. And then you did what was only natural. You danced. 
It wasn’t anything elaborate. There was no fire or sparks of magic. You simply moved together to a song of your own imagination. It stirred in your chest, the barest pluck of a melody, but it was yours and his; the promise of a symphony to come.
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Tag List:
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magics-neptunes-things · 11 months ago
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I'm not jealous (I just want to crash her face)
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It took time anon, but here you are! You can find the request here 😋
I hope it was what you had in mind :)
In this world, Alexia knees are perfectly fine and I want to live here.
TW : Jealousy, angst
______________________________________________________________
Despite the difficulties your teammates face because of the Spanish federation, you are still happy to find yourself in training camps. This means that, for once, you find yourself alongside your friends and not facing her, you who has been one of the pillars of Real Madrid for many years. You have done all your formation at Madrid and you feel perfectly well in this team, even if we must be honest and admit that FC Barcelona dominates you head and shoulders.
Even if you are enemies in the field, you get along perfectly well with almost everyone. So you are more than happy to find Mariona, Ona, Cata, Aitana and of course Alexia. For your part, you join the training camp with Olga, Athenea and Misa, with whom you also get along very well. It’s been a while now that social networks are seeing you as a couple with Olga and make a lot of clips and video about booth of you. And your friends tease you a lot with it. Whether it’s your teammates in Madrid or your friends in Barcelona.
In truth, you have never hidden your sexuality and the jokes and innuendo you make about it on social networks are multiple.
There’s finally only one person that this fabricated relationship doesn’t amuse, and that’s your real girlfriend. Who is no one but Alexia Putellas herself.
People are far from suspecting the nature of the feelings you share, it must be admitted that the fact that you live in Madrid and Alexia in Barcelona probably helps a lot. Even most of your teammates aren’t aware, there’s really only Ona and Aitana, who caught you in an intense kissing session against a wall supposed to be hidden from view at the last Classico. You made them swear not tell anyone, and you know your secret is safe with those two. However, this doesn’t prevent them from teasing Alexia on the subject, according to the complaints from the blonde when you call each other at night.
You are a little disappointed to learn that you share your room with Olga, secretly hoping to be with Alexia but the latter ends up with Aitana. Maybe the brunette will agree to let you change, but Olga should be given a valid explanation. Which will have to be pretty good since the latter is the one of those you are closest to in Madrid, even if she does not know the reality of the nature of your relationship with Alexia.
"Don’t make that face, Y/N" laughs Cata as you pout when you get your magnetic cards.
"I’ll never get rid of this one" you joke and give Olga a playful hip kick.
"Oi, a little respect please!"
Your answer and Olga’s make others laugh around you, but you can only see Alexia’s tense face behind the others. This expression is accentuated when Olga takes you by the arm to go and get your room at the end of the corridor. When you turn around while Olga opens the door, you no longer see Alexia.
"I think I’m going to take a nap" says Olga by dropping on her bed after you put your things away.
"You have marmot blood, Olga, I swear"
The player mumble you a vague answer in return but seems already half asleep when her face met her cushion. You take the opportunity to take out your phone and write a message to Alexia.
From You Olga's sleeping, where are you?
From Ale 💌 In my room
From You Can I come?
From Ale 💌 Why? Not enjoying your time with your girlfriend? 🙄
From You Ale please stop I miss you 😒
From Ale 💌 Jenni's here
You answer nothing, a little annoyed by this information. If Alexia can’t stand the presence of Olga at your side, you have a hard time with the idea that Alexia’s ex-girlfriend could spend more time with her than you. You throw your phone on the bedside table, waking Olga on the other bed.
"Don’t be so noisy god" mumbles Olga, before turning around and falling asleep again quickly.
You roll your eyes and sigh as you put your arm behind your head. Eyes fixed on the ceiling, you let your mind fly towards the few escapades that you had with Alexia. You didn’t post anything on social media that would suggest it, but you spent the holidays together before you had to go back to Madrid, Alexia’s family welcoming yours so you could be together.
"What are you thinking? I hear your brain smoking from here"
You take a surprised look at Olga, whom you thought was asleep. But you shrug your shoulders and sigh softly again.
"Nothing. I’ll go explore the hotel I think"
You get up and put on your tap shoes before heading for the door.
"I’m coming with you" Olga yawns as she stretches.
You wait for her to reach you patiently, before going for a walk in the corridors. You end up meeting Ona, Laia, Eva and Lucia who settled in a room with a TV and a game console. They seem to be thrown into an intense Mariokart’s Game, with Eva trying to knock Ona out of her seat to prevent her from finishing first again.
Considering that this is a great way to change your mind, you sit with them, watching them play. When Lucia arrives last for the fourth time in a row, she gives you her controller, swearing. Laia proposes to Olga to play too and you find yourself stuck between Ona and Olga, deciding to separate Eva and Ona to avoid any cheating between the two.
You are joined by several other teammates while waiting for dinner, but no sign of Alexia, Jenni or Aitana. You realize a little too late that you forgot your phone in your room, but you’re a little lazy to go back up and look for it.
At dinner, you manage to sit next to Alexia on a bench, facing Misa and Mariona. If the conversation is light and lively, you feel chills running through you when Alexia’s leg sticks against yours. It’s been a few weeks since you’ve seen each other and you’re still so addicted to her touch.
"Fancy to see you without Olga" mumbles Alexia, taking advantage of the absence of Misa and Mariona gone to look for a dessert.
"I could tell you the same thing about Jenni" you answer in the same tone, before finishing your glass of water.
You take a look at her, realizing she’s already watching you. She seems thoughtful and reflective, but this doesn’t prevent you from blushing and turning your eyes away under the intensity of her gaze.
"Stop looking at me like that" you sigh softly.
"Like what?"
"Like you’re gonna rip my clothes off in two seconds"
Alexia answers nothing and just smirke at you maliciously. You can’t continue this conversation for very long because your two table companions are already coming back to you.
"Meet me outside my room door at 10:30 p.m."
********
You’re on time in front of Alexia’s room, hidden under the hood of your sweater. You are nervous, the blonde seems to be late and if a member of the staff catches you outside your room at this time, you will take ten laps of the field in addition to everyone the next morning. Besides, it would mean that you couldn’t enjoy the stolen moments with Alexia, which you’re desperately waiting for.
Fortunately, the door eventually opens a few minutes later and Alexia grabs your hand to take you to another room.
"How did you get the card from another room?" you whisper watching her open it.
But Alexia just smiles and winks at you before she lets you into the room. She closes the door gently behind her before turning to you.
"Finally" you whisper against her lips when she kisses you.
You feel her smile against your lips, her muscular arms passed around your waist. After a few kisses, you put your arms around her neck to bury your face in her hair, closing your eyes, seeking to make the most of the feeling of comfort she gives you.
"Come lie down" whispers Alexia after a few minutes in this position, taking your hand back to take you to the bed.
You let yourself fall on the mattress you bounce on, laughing when Alexia decides to jump on you instead of lying next to you. Passing a leg around her thighs, you roll yourself to find yourself above her.
"Hello you" you smile maliciously, your face only a few centimeters from hers.
You lean to kiss her, but it was not knowing Alexia well to imagine that she would not try to regain the advantage. After having addressed you a mischievous smile, she makes you turn again so that you find yourself under her, your hands imprisoned in hers at the height of your face.
"Better this way"
You don’t have time to answer before her lips are on yours again and honestly, you don’t care who won or not your little game. You take advantage of this moment to exchange many kisses and discuss a little, everything and nothing. Lying face to face, you play with her fingers while admiring her, listening to her tell you the latest love adventures of her little sister.
When you find yourself lying on her, your ear on her heart, you have to struggle not to fall asleep. His heart rate lulls you and you feel your eyelids become particularly heavy.
"Don’t fall asleep mi Amor" Alexia whispers. "We have to go back to our rooms"
You moan as you hear her, burying your face against her. You have absolutely no desire to leave the comfort and warmth of her arms.
"We can stay here"
Alexia has a small sigh and you know very well that it is not possible. But what would you give to be able to sleep with her tonight. It is therefore with regret that you take off from her, not being able to mask the displeasure that it gives you.
"Don’t make that face" Alexia says, imprisoning your chin between her thumb and index finger.
"Sorry" you mumble without looking at her.
Alexia doesn’t let go until your eyes are in hers, which takes a few seconds. It gently kisses each of your cheeks, nose and lips before resuming speech.
"We’ll try to find a longer time just the two of us. Okay? I miss you too"
"Yeah"
You shiver when she lays kisses along your jaw but your breath cuts when you feel her imprisoning your skin between her lips and biting her. It’s easy for Alexia to make you lose track of things and when you realize she’s leaving a mark on your skin, it’s too late.
********
Of course your teammates notice your hickey. It didn’t last five minutes after you separated from your hoodie so that Misa and Sandra saw it, both teasing you so much that soon the whole team knows. If Alexia initially seems to find this very amusing, you see her face tense when Eva teases you again.
"We’re going to have to ask you and Olga not to be in the same room if you can’t behave yourself"
Olga, who was drinking, almost chokes with her water and it’s finally Aitana who flies to your rescue.
"Leave them alone for two seconds. You’re worse than the fans you’re complaining about."
After that, you find yourself being trained by Aitana’s arm as a training partner and you are grateful to her. On the other hand, you do not miss the inquisitive look of Olga or the withdrawn air of Alexia.
"You’re in a lot of trouble" said AItana, starting the stretching exercises.
"Don’t tell me about" you mumble
At the end of the training, as you wisely return to the changing rooms to wash a minimum before lunch, you feel that you are grabbed by the arm to train in a corner of the corridor. You were hoping to see Alexia, but you find yourself in front of Olga.
"I haven’t said anything so far Y/N, because you’re my friend and I’m trying to protect you. But I think I deserve to know who did this to you"
She puts a finger on your hickey, making you shiver with pain.
"Ouch" you grimace by pushing her hand sharply, frowning.
"Everyone thinks it’s me, but you and I know very much that it’s not me. Who is it?"
You hesitate for a split second, the guilt of what you are doing to your best friend crushing you during this time.
"I’m sorry" you sigh softly as you put a hand on her arm. "I didn’t think it would turn against you like that."
"I don’t care, I can do it for you. But I just want to know who I need to protect."
"What are you doing?"
You suddenly jump when you hear the voice of Jenni Hermoso ringing behind you, retreating a few steps away mechanically. If the brunette has an amused look at you, Alexia’s green eyes throw flames.
"Nothing" you sigh softly as you roll your eyes.
Jenni being unable to hold her tongue, most of the entire team is quickly aware that her and Alexia have supposedly surprised you two on the verge of kissing in a hallway of the stadium. At the end of the afternoon, your nerves are so tense that you want to hit your head on the ground.
"I’m not with Olga!" you end up yelling at Misa and Jenni, losing your last nerves. "Leave me alone now, that’s enough."
You cross the football field with big strides, joining Ona who welcomes you with a sorry smile. You have two advantages to being with her, to begin with she is aware of the truth of your relationship and then you know that she will not ask you any questions.
"Alexia looks tense" sighs softly Ona when you are divided into four teams for a games tournament.
Your eyes are mechanically focused on your girlfriend who seems to have avoided you all afternoon and you see that each of her muscles looks tense. Maybe because she’s on the same team as Olga. Your bestfriend seems surprised by the cold and distant behavior of your captain, even if you quickly understand why.
But Alexia finds herself talking to her badly, even refusing to pass her while she finds herself several times well placed to score. It’s as subtle as your hickey and you soon notice the surprised and questioning looks your teammates exchange.
"She will make us discover" you sigh to Ona who, like you, noticed Alexia’s behavior.
"Would that be disturbing?" asks you Ona with curiosity.
"No" you finally answer after a few seconds of hesitation.
It’s not you who wants to keep your relationship private, but Alexia. Her reasons are however perfectly understandable and if things were reversed you would probably do the same. If Alexia wants your relationship to be hidden, it’s to protect you and prevent you from getting threatening messages, messages that aren’t necessarily nice either. You appreciate being recognized for your football and not the person you love. That’s what you discreetly explain to Ona, before being interrupted by your trainers.
"Ona, Y/N, stop two seconds your flirting and please focus"
"I’m going to lose my nerve" you mumble to Ona who squeeze your Arm in a comforting gesture.
You’re particularly bad at this practice, missing goals that your grandmother would have managed to put in the back. At the end of the training, you and Alexia are caught apart by your trainers. You to refocus on the real reasons you’re here if you want to play in the next game and Alexia to behave better with Olga. Eyes down and cheeks red, you mumble excuses before heading straight to your hotel room.
"At least now, I know who it is" Olga points out when she finds you in your room.
You groan in your beard, taking your phone in your hand when you hear it vibrate on the bedside table.
Ale 💌 I can’t do this anymore…
You Do what? Us?!
Ale 💌 No! God, not us mi Amor, obviously I just can't stand people thinking you're in love with Olga It makes me sick
You Well I think she saw it today, you've been pretty mean to her 👀 And you know what I think about it, Ale. I know you meant to protect me but I am strong enough to deal with the eventual shit the fans will say about me. And you'll be there for me, no?
Ale 💌 Of course I will. Can I come to your room to talk? I hate texting
You Olga's here actually
Ale Well at least I can excuse myself for my behavior? 😅
********
Alexia actually joined you in your room, flatly apologizing to Olga who naturally accepted. She took the opportunity to ask you a few questions before leaving the room so that you can discuss your relationship in privacy. You and Alexia decided to finally stop hiding, but at the end of the camp. Your hidden couple has already caused enough incidents like this.
A few days later, you play your match against Sweden. An important match, requiring a victory on your part if you want to guaranteed qualification. You are part of the starting eleven, like is Alexia. Just like Olga, Aitana and Ona. You are as often a little nervous before the start of the game, not being able to stop yourself from jumping on the spot before enteront to the field. Irene wearing the captain’s armband for today, Alexia is standing behind you and you feel her hand resting on your shoulder.
You don’t have to exchange words when your eyes meet, you smile at her and she smiles back at you. And that’s enough. Obviously, the exchange isn’t missed by some of your teammates, but finally you don’t care. The fact that Alexia no longer wants you to hide makes you much happier than you imagined.
The match is tense, neither of the two teams managing to find the way to the nets despite your many attempts. A few yellow cards were handed out during the game to try to keep a clear mind. Sweden was on the verge of scoring several times, but fortunately Cata made some great saves. Just like Zecira Musovic in front of you.
"Come on, we’ll end up scoring!" repeats Alexia, continuing to encourage her team.
It’s in fact the team of Sweden which has the next opportunity, Lina Hurtig running towards the goal of Cata after a fault not whistled on Ona. You find yourself on the other side of the field but makes your speed speak to try to catch her. You gain ground quickly, Hurtig being at the end of the race. She manages to strike, but you throw yourself in front of the ball so that it doesn’t take the direction of the goal. You feel the ball bouncing off your back to the other side. What you hadn’t thought of was that the Swedish player’s cleats came into contact with your face.
The pain is immediate and your hands on your face when you fall on the floor.
"Y/N!"
Among all the exclamations, you only hear Alexia’s voice far away from you. However, it’s Cata who is first towards you, turning you on your back and trying to remove your hands from your face.
"Call the doctors!" scream Olga as she sees the blood blushing your fingers.
Her voice tells you that she is so close to you and you hear Hurtig apologizing at full speed in English, certifying that it was absolutely not wanted. You know that, of course.
The experienced hands of a nurse take hold of your hands so that they can see your face and the lights of the stadium partially blind you. You see Olga’s blurry face and Cata’s just behind, but they’re not the ones you want to see.
"Alexia?"
"I’m right here Bebita"
You feel her kneel next to you after a second of hesitation and take your hand.
"How’s Ona?" You ask when you remember the brunette on the floor, looking for a topic of discussion so as not to think about what the doctors are doing to you.
"I’m fine"
You turn your eyes towards the voice, smiling softly as you see that she actually seems to be fine. You then shift your attention to Alexia’s worried face and you don’t take your eyes off her, except when asked to follow the flashlight light.
"It seems to be fine. However, you must protect your face if you don’t want to have stitches"
You pout but don’t flinch. Alexia helps you stand up and insists on accompanying you to the touchline, her arm tightly tightened around your waist. You lock your eyes in hers when she gently puts her hand on your cheek before smiling. Two seconds later, she returns to the field to resume the game and you find yourself facing a smiling nurse.
"Come on, Casanova, close your eyes."
You end up winning the game thanks to a goal from Jenni in the last minutes. At the end of the Game, you find yourself in front of Hurtig who apologizes again and again, re-explaining that she never tried to hurt you.
"I know" you smile as you squeeze her shoulder with your hand in a comforting gesture. "But really, it’s okay. I won’t even have stitches apparently"
You don’t see Alexia approaching you, but that doesn’t prevent her from sliding an arm around your waist again without interrupting your discussion. You willingly let yourself go against her, gently pressing your head on her shoulder for a few moments. You don’t miss Lina’s surprised look, but she apologizes to join her teammates when Ona and Olga join you.
"Jenni is not going to be able to stop teasing you, you know that, right?" Olga laughs. "Everyone understood now"
Alexia smiles and shrugs. When you look up at her, she smiles at you. And you tell yourself that if Alexia keeps smiling at you like that to the rest of your life, you’re ready to bear all the teasing in the world.
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strayy-starss · 5 months ago
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Hii! Could you do some Elliott Headcanons? If not, don't be to shy w the Alex smut🤭
✧A/N: Yes of course!! Elliot is definitely my second favorite bachelor, so this is absolutely perfect!! And don’t you worry, Alex smut will be coming in the future 😏. Also, I wasn’t sure if you wanted NSFW or SFW, so I just did them both! Hope you don’t mind :)
✧Warnings: eventual mentions of sex and kinks
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☆SFW & NSFW Headcanons for Elliot☆
✧ SFW:
Elliot definitely reads a lot of books (like, a LOT). I feel like this is a given, seeing that he writes them and has a library when he moves in with the farmer. Let me tell you, though, if the farmer is also a reader, he will be ecstatic. And I mean, like, through the roof. He’d want to talk about them all the time and he’d likely recommend lots of books for you to read based on both your preference and his.
I think he’d also love to read books out loud to you, whether or not he wrote them or not. His voice is angelic though, so it’s not like the farmer is complaining.
Speaking of books, he’d definitely ask you for your opinion on plot lines or scenes for his stories, regardless of whether you’re a bookworm or not. Mostly I feel like he’d just seek validation that his writings are as good as the ones that he’s read, or just good in general. 
I feel like sometimes, and I mean VERY rarely, Elliot will spiral into a place of despair when it comes to his writing. When that happens, he can go into writer’s block and will push you away to think of ideas. If this happens, depending on the severity, I think you may be able to pull him out of it with reassuring words and cuddles. If he’s in too deep, however, it’s best to give him space until he makes it to a better place, where he either figures something out, or decides it isn’t worth the trouble. He’d definitely apologize to you after the fact and make it up to them with lots of TLC.
Elliot doesn’t use the words “pretty” or “handsome”. No, he uses words like “gorgeous” “stunning” “glorious” and “ravishing”. I’m sorry, but this man is way too sophisticated to use simple words. Make that shit fancy and pair it with a silky voice and you get Elliot.
Elliot’s a wine kinda guy. He’d definitely have those nights where he feels compelled to make a charcuterie board with all those cheeses and grapes and have some red wine with you.
Now, I know you’re all thinking it, and I'm thinking it too: Elliot with a ponytail. I bet you he loves his hair, but it does get annoying sometimes when it falls in his face when he’s trying to write or help out around the farm, so he definitely keeps a hair tie on his wrist in case he needs it. He’ll always offer it to you, too, if he thinks you need it.
He’s an early riser, too. He’ll be up before you and he’ll be sitting and reading a book with a cup of coffee and he’ll greet you like, “Good morning, sweetheart. Did you sleep well?”
And like the gentleman he is, he probably does a lot of extra and unnecessary, but thoughtful, things for you. Like, if you’ve had a long day, he’d sit you down and take your shoes off for you, even though you insist that you can do that yourself. Then he’d take off your jacket if you were wearing one, and make you a nice cup of tea so that you can wind down with him.
✧NSFW BELOW THE CUT✧ ⬇
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✧ NSFW:
I firmly believe that Elliot’s a switch. He’s always willing to take initiative, but we all know that Elliot is a pretty princess at heart and sometimes just wants all the attention.
God help me this man knows how to talk dirty. He’s read enough books that he knows exactly what to say to you in every circumstance, and exactly how to turn you on or get you in the mood. And then the next day he’ll act all innocent like he wasn’t just whispering how much he was gonna ruin you last night. He’s the type of guy to say, “I don’t want you to be pleasured. I want you to be trembling.” (Jesus FUCK I’m down bad for him.)
I feel like Elliot would set up a safe word with you, but he’d want it to be something symbolic or fancy or something. Like instead of “baseball” it would be “nightingale” and you'd have to spit that word out when you want him to stop. Speaking of, as soon as you do say the safe word, he’ll stop everything and just gently hold you, whispering that he’s sorry and that he hopes you can forgive him, even though you really aren’t that mad at him at all, just a little shaken.
As far as kinks go, I think Elliot is open to almost all kinks with a few restrictions on things that he just isn’t into. I feel like he’d especially be into bondage and blindfolding. It’s more of a spiritual thing for him, as it opens you up fully to him, like you can’t hide anything from him anymore and you completely trust him with your body. If you aren’t into that, then he’ll be a little disappointed, but would get over it quickly as long as you promise to let it happen on his birthday. 
Elliot absolutely loves to be tied up, though, for the same symbolic reasons. He trusts you with his whole being, and knows that you only want to make him feel good.
He's a sucker for neck kisses, so give him a hickey or two. He wears that collared shirt for a reason, right?
He hates the idea of a gag. He loves to hear you crying out in pleasure. It fuels him and makes him feel happy that he could pleasure you so much. If you want it, though, he'd never deny his lover what they want, even if it means he can't hear you as well.
Elliot naturally isn’t rough when it comes to sex, but he most definitely can be. This man will be on his knees to do exactly what you want him to. He prefers it that way, actually. So long as you give him the guidelines of what you want him to do, he can take it from there. If you don’t, though, he’d probably be asking a lot of: “Is this okay?” Because like the gentleman he is, he would never want to overstep your boundaries, even though he probably knows everything that one can about sex.
He’d definitely use writing as an excuse to see you naked. It would be something about him needing to know the anatomy of a person, regardless of your gender identification or sex. It would be funny if you were a man, too, because then he’d get all flustered when you’d ask why, as he’s a man himself. He’d make up something like how your body is shaped differently than his, and he needs a reference that isn’t himself.
Same thing about writing goes for sex. He might ask you to touch yourself or even him for a scene, and he’d take notes as he’d try to hold himself back from touching you. He’d jot down every little sound you make and every single word you say to “make the scene more real,” though it may or may not be for him to read and masturbate to later.
You later figure this out and tell him that he doesn't need an excuse to have sex with you, but he gets embarrassed and insists that it truly is for his writing, though he will be a little more open-minded about it in the future.
✧ That’s all, thank you for reading!! I also need to make a longer list for Alex. I feel like I didn't do my baby justice, seeing as I wrote much more for Elliot.
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sapphire-writes · 2 years ago
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an ego thing ~ modern!Aemond x Reader
next part // series masterlist request: Academic rivals to lovers during a VERY heated argument please??? 🥺 note: happy valentines my loves I hope you enjoy!! 💚 warnings: language word count: 1.2k read more of my work here!
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“So what do we think?” your professor asks, leaning against their desk, “was the war justified? What are our thoughts?”
The room is silent. Your 8:00 AM history seminar is usually quiet aside from the droning of your professor and the snores of a student slumped against their desk in the back. 
Two hands shoot into the air, desperate to be chosen first.
You strain your hand towards the ceiling, fingers wiggling. You can feel your toes pushing into the floor as if you can push yourself higher into the air. At least higher than him.
Aemond Targaryen leans his back against his chair with ease, long arm stretched toward the sky. His expression is nonchalant, but mismatched eyes are alert. The sharp features of his face seem tense, as he waits in anticipation. He’s annoyingly handsome, you can’t deny, but being your arch-nemesis nearly erases the fact. 
The gods are on your side today, as your professor meets your gaze and sends you a nod. You grin triumphantly, mouth twisted in a smile.
“The black queen was named heir,” you begin, after taking a deep breath, “the king wanted his daughter to be queen. I think that should have been respected, especially by the greens. Far less bloodshed would have happened if she ascended to the throne.”
Your professor nods at your answer and you feel a rush go through you at his approval. Nothing feels as good as a teacher’s praise. Something you learned early on in your education and carried with you even now. 
Aemond snorts beside you, earning a glare from you. That’s another annoying thing about Aemond; no matter what the class is, if you’re in it he is planting his desk right beside yours. An obnoxious shadow he makes. 
“You disagree, Mr. Targaryen?” your professor asks, crossing their arms. 
“Of course I do,” Aemond says, side-eyeing you. Your nose scrunches in displeasure.
It truly did not matter which side you took, Aemond would take the opposite. Both of you are vigorous students, and someone always annoyingly in the same classes. He seems to follow you through all your general education classes each semester. You argue like dogs fighting over a bone in your searches for academic validation.
“Go on,” your professor encourages him, as your fingers curl into your palms.
“It wouldn’t have mattered,” Aemond argues, “the realm would never have accepted her as a queen with her father’s firstborn son living.”
“That’s very feminist of you,” you snap, unable to help yourself. 
Aemond turns toward you on his desk. He always looks so odd sitting in the rolling chair, his long limbs overflowing. He raises an eyebrow at you, jaw clenching.
“I’m being historically accurate,” Aemond argues, tapping his long fingers on the desk.
“Whatever helps you sleep at night,” you tell him, leaning back and crossing your arms over your chest. 
You can feel your cheeks heating up as Aemond stares at you, his lips curling into a snarl.
“If she ascended the throne, there would have been an uprising sooner or later,” Aemond continues and you roll your eyes. 
“Her sons were bastards, a threat to the very institution of the kingdom if her son ascended after her-”
“Oh come on!” you say, tilting your head to look at the ceiling, “her sons were legitimized, they were claimed by her husband as his trueborn sons, her trueborn heirs-”
“The text is very clear about it being known amongst the common people-”
“Text was written by men to keep other men in power in a patriarchal system-”
“Here we go.”
Your head snaps forward. 
“What?” you quip, fury written across your face. You notice your voice has been increasing in volume but you don’t care. Aemond Targaryen makes your blood boil. 
He smirks at you, clearly giddy at the rise he’s getting out of you. Well, as giddy as Aemond Targaryen can get. He’s not really a giddy kind of person, with his all-black outfits that match the stupid all-black coffee he brings every class.
“You’re bringing it back to gender when it's not about that,” Aemond says shaking his head, “if her sons inherited the throne after her, the entire realm would have crumbled.”
“You are so dramatic,” you accuse, “and it absolutely is about gender. She was her father’s chosen heir.”
“Well she shouldn’t have sired bastards,” Aemond argues shaking his head.
“Sired?” you mock narrowing your eyes, “what’re we in the medieval ages?”
“We’re talking about it genius,” Aemond says. 
“Okay everyone!” your professor says clapping his hands together, “ceasefire you two.” 
Your professor chuckles, trying to ease the tension you’ve created in the classroom to no avail. Aemond and you are leaning toward each other as if at any moment one of you will jump from your seat attacking the other. 
Aemond leans back first, hand clenching around his coffee cup and bringing it to his lips. The prominent veins of the back of his hand bulge with how tightly he holds the cup. You slouch back in your seat. 
“Let’s explore a different role,” your professor suggests, “what would have been in the best interest of the common folk?”
Aemond’s hand shoots into the air. Your professor points at him.
“The king’s daughter was never present at court, she had no idea what the people needed, she spent barely any time present at council-”
You let out a dramatic sigh at his response. 
“She was pushed out, by the king’s new wife I might add who was aiding her father, the hand of the king, in the plans to usurp the throne,” you challenge as Aemond shakes his head. 
“There is no record of the queen having any knowledge of those plans-”
“Read between the lines,” you say, cutting him off.
“Isn’t that what you should be doing?” Aemond says crossing his arms, “preferably in another class more related to your major.”
Your cheeks flush. 
“I take lit classes too,” you snarl, “this is a gen ed class.”
“Literature major,” he snorts, “of course.”
“What the hell does that mean?” 
“That major is a waste of time,” he says smugly. 
“Says the philosophy major,” you snap back. 
Aemond leans forward, ready to snap when your professor claps his hands together. 
“Okay!” he says, voice hoarse, “I think that’s enough discussion for today. I want three pages submitted tonight about who you think should have inherited the throne. Two sources minimum, people!” 
The noise level in the class rises as students shove their papers and books into their bags, rising from their desks eager to leave the lecture. 
You tuck your books into your bags, heart pounding from the intense conversation. Aemond has already risen from his seat, tossing his coffee cup into the recycling bin before exiting the classroom. You scurry after him, not ready to give up the fight. 
You nearly run into him as you exit the classroom, he’s stopped outside the doorway, tucking a book into his backpack. 
“Asshole,” you mutter, watching his shoulders tense. 
“Know it all,” he snarls. 
“For fuck’s sake!” a voice calls behind you. 
Aemond and you turn, meeting the face of your previously sleeping classmate Luke Velaryon. His hair is ruffled, and he rubs the sleep from his eyes with an exasperated look on his face. He eyes you and Aemond.
“Will you two just bang already?”
Your mouth falls open, eyes wide as saucers. Aemond stands eerily still beside you. Luke raises his eyebrows, as your cheeks begin to burn. You meet Aemond’s eyes, blue and violet, for a brief moment, before you both look away. Aemond clears his throat, and you swallow hard. 
“As if,” you say, forcing a laugh, before pushing by Aemond.
“Yeah,” Aemond agrees, watching you leave, “in your dreams.”
note: do we want a part 2? 👀
EDIT: I wrote part 2 😏
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wambsgansshoelaces · 9 months ago
Note
hi, i think u did a similar one already but could i get a hc on how succession characters react to their s/o crying? about feeling sad , or stressed , or losing a loved one , idk , just something mildly serious. i wasn't feeling great today and i started crying and my sister told me to stop crying and was like mean af to me and i could use some gentleness and affection :|
aw anon im so sorry :( I know I’m really late with this but I hope you’re doing much better <3 I’m always here for you in my ask box or pms!! your sister is an asshole you can cry whenever you want all of your emotions are valid and I love u u are so worthy
I hope these make you feel happy <3 enjoy x
serious issues (succession main cast)
Kendall
ᝰ when he notices your mood is off, he immediately goes solemn
ᝰ while if it were something smaller, he’d leave it and let you come up and talk to him on your own
ᝰ but he can tell it’s bad
ᝰ and he’s not going to let you stew in this by yourself
ᝰ he will help you
ᝰ whether you want him to or not
ᝰ he gets you a glass of water
ᝰ and forces you to drink
ᝰ then sits you down and makes you tell him what’s wrong
ᝰ when you do
ᝰ rather, when you burst into tears in his arms
ᝰ he can’t help but feel horrible
ᝰ he cradles your face in his hands and kisses away your tears
ᝰ he apologizes over and over
ᝰ he’s rubbing your back the entire time you tell him what’s going on
ᝰ “cry it all out. i’m right here.”
ᝰ he talks you through it
ᝰ he’s cosplaying his therapist
ᝰ if it was a death, he gets the name of where the service will be held and pays for it in secret
ᝰ over the next few weeks, you can just show up in his office and cry on his shoulder
ᝰ and he won’t ask any questions
ᝰ he always lets you
ᝰ the night you tell him, he keeps an arm hooked around you, keeping your head to his chest
ᝰ he plays with your hair and strokes soothing patterns into your skin for the rest of the night
ᝰ as you recover emotionally, he makes sure to check in on you
ᝰ even long after the incident, you both make sure that you have no bullshit check ins with each other
ᝰ “how are you really”s
ᝰ he makes it clear to you that he will always support you
ᝰ and you’re glad
Roman
ᝰ not really the best with words
ᝰ or emotions
ᝰ or being serious
ᝰ however
ᝰ the only time(s) he is 100% serious is when you’re severely upset
ᝰ the first time it happens, it’s like he stops breathing
ᝰ “hey, come here. something’s wrong. i need to know what.”
ᝰ you tell him
ᝰ it’s the hardest you’ve ever cried
ᝰ the entire time, he grips your hand, gently stroking the back of it with his fingers
ᝰ he’s never been more focused on anything in his life
ᝰ he wishes he could help talk you through it, but he’s physically incapable
ᝰ so what he does is murmur a few comforting words then take you out on a boat ride
ᝰ because of course he has a miniature yacht on call
ᝰ “you can relax, take your mind off everything. i’ll take care of things, don’t worry.”
ᝰ the rest of the day is spent the two of you cuddled together, looking out over the water
ᝰ he doesn’t say anything
ᝰ he feels bad because he doesn’t know how to help you sort through your emotions
ᝰ because god knows he can’t
ᝰ so instead, he spends every waking moment with you, at your beck and call
ᝰ regardless, he’d do anything for you
ᝰ incident or not
ᝰ he listens to you when you talk, of course
ᝰ he just can’t give you any sound advice
ᝰ the nights on the boat, when you’re at your most vulnerable, he makes sure you fall asleep before he does
ᝰ so that he can kiss you to sleep
ᝰ and make sure you fall asleep soundly, feeling safe
ᝰ he’ll never be happy unless you’re happy
Shiv
ᝰ she notices something’s wrong, but doesn’t say anything at first
ᝰ when you don’t come to her at all and instead stay holed up in your room, that’s when she knows something is really wrong
ᝰ she crawls up onto the bed with you, and you feel her hands smooth up your back
ᝰ “what’s wrong? tell me.”
ᝰ does not leave you alone until you do
ᝰ listens intently
ᝰ literally memorizes what you’re saying so that she can help fix things
ᝰ the entire time you’re speaking, she massages at your skin to soothe you
ᝰ and it works
ᝰ thumbs away your tears when they fall
ᝰ she refuses to let you go through this alone
ᝰ she helps talk through your issues
ᝰ nonstop reassuring you that everything you’re feeling is perfectly valid
ᝰ and telling you that if you’re upset, she’s upset
ᝰ and that she’ll stop at nothing to make you happy again
ᝰ in all honesty, she’s extremely inexperienced with cooking and baking
ᝰ but she figures it out just for you
ᝰ she makes you a fudge with strawberries and raspberries frozen into it
ᝰ and it’s surprisingly really good
ᝰ your tears ease as the two of you eat together in bed
ᝰ you’re still sniffling when she gently urges you to lay your head in her lap
ᝰ even when you’re this upset, she’s utterly mesmerized by you
ᝰ your lips when you chew, your cheeks, the plush of your thighs as your pajama shorts hike up your legs
ᝰ “i know it’s hard, babe. i’m here. i’m not leaving.”
ᝰ and she doesn’t
ᝰ she’s at your side for the rest of both your lives
ᝰ she holds your hand through all of your difficulties
ᝰ she always listens, always helps you with your issues
ᝰ she’ll never, ever, let you suffer on your own
ᝰ she wishes she could take your pain from you
ᝰ you’re her sun and moon
Tom
ᝰ the personification of a massive teddy bear
ᝰ when you’re upset, he’s in SHAMBLES
ᝰ he swears he can feel your pain
ᝰ he soothes you every way he knows how
ᝰ he keeps you close, rubbing his hands up and down your sides
ᝰ he makes you your favorite meals
ᝰ refuses to let you do any chores
ᝰif it was a death, he organizes these massive baskets to be delivered to everyone affected
ᝰ and the biggest one goes to you
ᝰ it has all of your favorite sweets, a bouquet of beautiful flowers, a blanket
ᝰ and a love letter detailing how you’re the strongest person he knows
ᝰ and that he loves you more than anything
ᝰ of course, he gives you space if you ask for it
ᝰ but he’s always concerned for you anyway
ᝰ he gives you your time to recover while slowly helping you along
ᝰ after a couple weeks of leaving you be and taking care of you at home, he starts making you go out with him
ᝰ “we’re getting you used to things again.”
ᝰ he stays at your side through all of it
ᝰ will always let you vent to him
ᝰ and always does his best to give you advice and help you through your issues
ᝰ every night is spent the two of you chatting about your days
ᝰ making sure the other is really okay
ᝰ his arms are always warm
ᝰ your bed even more so
ᝰ he always makes sure you’re feeling warm and fuzzy
ᝰ he just loves you so much
ᝰ he’ll never let you go cold
Greg
ᝰ when you start freaking out, he also starts freaking out
ᝰ but he gets himself together
ᝰ because you’re a big deal to him
ᝰ and he loves you
ᝰ so he’ll do everything he can to help you
ᝰ in his own way, of course
ᝰ he honestly sucks at talking you through things
ᝰ but he listens to you
ᝰ he loves listening to you
ᝰ after you tell him what’s going on, he pulls you into his arms
ᝰ he just hugs you for a while
ᝰ he doesn’t let go until you do
ᝰ and you only do that to go to the bathroom
ᝰ when you come back, he has a favorite movie of yours pulled up on the tv
ᝰ “why don’t we watch? I think you could use the brain break. relaxing is good for you.”
ᝰ he keeps you pulled tight against him
ᝰ softly stroking your hair, your neck, your shoulder
ᝰ he’s just hoping your mood is shifting
ᝰ which it is
ᝰ he’s not the best with words
ᝰ and he’s not exactly sure if what he’s doing is helping
ᝰ but bottom line, you know he cares
ᝰ and he wants to help, needs to help you
ᝰ he spends the next few days doing his best to make you feel loved
ᝰ he makes you lunch to take with you to work
ᝰ he makes sure your favorite snacks are always stocked in the pantry
ᝰ always asks things along the lines of “do you want coffee? iced tea? I’ll make anything for you” even though he doesn’t know how to cook or bake anything
ᝰ but he figures it out
ᝰ because the only thing that makes him happy is you
ᝰ and he’ll fucking die if he sees you crying again and he can’t help you
ᝰ his world revolves around you
ᝰ and he loves it that way
Stewy
ᝰ honestly, you being so viscerally upset puts him off
ᝰ his world falls off balance
ᝰ demands you tell him everything
ᝰ keeps your face sandwiched between his hands as you talk
ᝰ his eyes never leave yours
ᝰ he nods, makes soothing noises
ᝰ “okay, here’s what we’ll do. we’re going to go have fun tonight.”
ᝰ he takes you out for dinner
ᝰ the entire night he’s just like eyeing you trying to see if you’re still upset
ᝰ in reality, he’s just a smooth talker
ᝰ he has no idea how to actually get serious
ᝰ so now his efforts are put into making you feel better
ᝰ when you pick at your food, he takes your hand
ᝰ and tries to be profound
ᝰ “I know I kind of suck at this whole handling things seriously thing, but I want you to know I’ll listen to anything- everything you have to say. I don’t… you’re not going through this alone, is what I’m trying to tell you.”
ᝰ it comes out really messy
ᝰ but it’s obvious he cares
ᝰ it’s obvious he loves you
ᝰ and that in of itself makes you feel leagues better
ᝰ you decide to walk off your dinner
ᝰ you both take a stroll, hand in hand, through the streets
ᝰ the night chill is strangely calming
ᝰ but you know that’s just stewy, not actually the chill that’s making you feel at ease
ᝰ “we can try stargazing tonight.”
ᝰ “stew, all I can see when I look up is smoke.”
ᝰ because you literally live in new york
ᝰ where rats live everywhere rent free
ᝰ “we’ll just have to drive out somewhere, then.”
ᝰ he actually does
ᝰ the two of you end up in a bit of a rural area sitting in the trunk of his car
ᝰ he spread out blankets and brought pillows and everything
ᝰ he even stopped at a gas station to get you both slushees
ᝰ in the gas station you both mixed flavors
ᝰ and he keeps stealing from you
ᝰ but it’s okay
ᝰ you’re leaning against him, his fingers are in your hair
ᝰ “I’m sorry I couldn’t help more.”
ᝰ “you’re helping me lots.”
ᝰ you give him a kiss
ᝰ “your lips are all blue, stewy.”
ᝰ “the blue raspberry is just really good…”
ᝰ you turn back to the stars
ᝰ but his eyes aren’t even on the stars anymore
ᝰ they’re on you
ᝰ and if he had it his way, they’d never leave you again
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diorsluv · 1 year ago
Text
feather , part 10
“ i’m saying ‘no, no, no, no more’ ”
series m. list previous chapter next chapter
( socialmedia!au )
yourusername
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liked by lhughes_06, adamfantilli, mackie.samo, and 74,028 others
yourusername little women hurt my brain so i went back to my happy place (aka gossip girl)
view all comments
edwards.73 i’m kinda scared to ask but uh… what’s the difference between gossip girl and gilmore girls
→ yourusername unfollow me rn
→ colecaufield wait no he’s valid (i don’t know the difference either)
→ yourusername both of u have asked me this 20 times already. i’m blocking u two.
markestapa i know the difference between gossip girl and gilmore girls!
→ mackie.samo me too!!
→ yourusername yeah bc u come to my place for gossip girl marathons like every other day
username64 LITTLE WOMEN
username78 FLORENCE PUGH OH MY GOD
jackhughes little women gives me war flashbacks
→ yourusername i wonder why 🤨
→ jackhughes hmmm maybe because you CALLED ME FOR 5 HOURS STRAIGHT JUST TO RANT TO ME ABOUT IT
→ yourusername IM SORRY
username14 is no one gonna talk about how she posted this at 2 in the morning 😭😭
bookerburke_ gossip girl is the one with the guy that played sam in supernatural right
→ yourusername no sweetie that’s gilmore girls…..
→ cole.caufield HEY HOW COME YOU’RE NICE TO HIM ABOUT IT BUT NOT US yourusername
username21 at least bertram isn’t in one of the pics this time
→ username35 LMAO BERTRAM
username69 i’m kinda sorta in love with your taste in tv shows and movies
yourusername
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liked by jackhughes, adamfantilli, trevorzegras, and 82,185 others
yourusername went through my old photos and i guess this is sort of a photo dump.. if u ask me to explain the pics i might…….
so for all the trev, luke, jack, quinn, luca, mark, rut, turcs, eddy, and mackie girls, i hope you’re happy 🫶🫶
tagged: trevorzegras, _quinnhughes, mackie.samo, edwards.73, jackhughes, lhughes_06, _alexturcotte, rutgermcgroarty, luca.fantilli, markestapa
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lhughes_06 please for the love of god don’t explain the cow photo
→ username44 what happened in the cow photo 😧
→ yourusername okay username44 so basically i walked out of my parents house and i saw luke’s dumbass in a cow suit standing right next to my car
→ lhughes_06 I WAS 16 AND JACK SAID IF I DID IT HE’D DO MY CHORES FOR TWO WEEKS
adamfantilli why didn’t you post me 🫤🫤
→ yourusername i didn’t have any old bad pics of you 😕
username4 quinner is contemplating his life in that fishing pic
luca.fantilli okay but that cake was kind of good
→ yourusername uh huh maybe bc i made it
→ luca.fantilli ok i don’t know bout all THAT 🤣
→ yourusername ur the worst fantilli brother
trevorzegras i didn’t know everyone fell asleep on top of me on the couch 😅😅
_alexturcotte let me just say i beat cole in arm wrestling
→ cole.caufield yeah butttt who got the bigger gains??
→ _alexturcotte oh shut up
→ yourusername it’s okay turcs, not everyone’s as strong as cauliflower here
→ _alexturcotte BUT I LITERALLY BEAT HIM?? yourusername
→ cole.caufield hey lil drizzy i thought we left that nickname in 2020 🙃
markestapa you know i actually rode that skateboard pretty well
→ yourusername you fell flat on your ass
username76 i love how she’s exposing EVERYONE
edwards.73 hey it was fun getting thrown into the pool
→ yourusername says the one that started screaming bloody fuckin murder as soon as he hit the water
mackie.samo i look so disheveled eating that cake
rutgermcgroarty see me and jack held each other up in that second photo bc we’re just too strong for our own goods
→ jackhughes 🗣️🗣️
→ yourusername whatever helps you sleep at night
next chapter notes ) i’m actually grinding these chapters out it’s insane this one was really fun to make, esp the second post 😈😈 and also no booker this time so i hope yall like it a bit more lmaooo
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moondirti · 2 years ago
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I’m so down bad for Ghost 😭 imagine one day he catches on to the things his voice does to you, he’s talking to you one day and noticed the way you suddenly get tense the moment he praises you and then he takes it and runs with it, absolutely cocky at the fact he can ruin you without even touching you
Every time I hear a voice line or watch a cutscene with him, I get weak 😭 god just kill me pls
i listen to his voice lines to help me go to sleep at night. something about that accent, man
Ghost is not a verbal man. He's best known for his strength, brutal efficiency - that cutthroat quick thinking in moments that mean life or death. In the rare instances that his words don't form barked commands or interrogative jabs, he finds that they come out... awkward sounding. Like the consonants don't meld with the vowels, and two syllables make one. Praise, whispered nothings, affection; tender proclamations fit like kernels in the gaps between his teeth. He's just never had anyone to model it for him.
The most he gives you is a nod, a low grunt of approval when you pitch in with helpful insight during a debriefing. But for all his faults, he is nothing if not observant. Ghost picks up on the subtle hitch of your breath, the glossy sheen over your eyes that glints as you perk at the reinforcement. He's not dumb, either - he knows what it means. The rookie's got it bad; either for him, for his voice, or maybe just for any validation you can get your hands on.
It's not purposeful. At least, he doesn't intend to feed into your little secret. But it finds its way into his treatment of you, like a fixture gnawing on an ego he's tried to conceal eons ago. He hums contemplatively as you speak, echoes your advice as demand, even goes to the unprecedented extent of clipping out a husky 'good' when you hit a target right on the mark. He isn't just doing it to sate you. You're genuinely intelligent, and skilled, and absolutely fucking gorgeous when you try to hide your delighted grin behind a trembling hand.
So perhaps it's perversion. Perhaps he's an deeply disturbed individual who revels in the fact that a person as brilliant as you has likely never been told as much. He doesn't have it in him to care. It's his own little game, a whim to pass the time between gunfire and detonations.
That is, until everyone else starts to notice.
Because of course they do. Ghost rarely ever spoke before you, let alone gave out consistent praise. Consequently, they take it upon themselves to assume shit for it, crafting increasingly ridiculous rumours that put both you and him into question. It manages to inspire an acrid emotion inside him, a mix of unbridled anger and violence that has him seeing bright red. He shuts them down before they gain any traction, looming over officers who think they're being discreet. It's no wonder that, quicker than it happened, the gossip stops.
You're still outcast, though. Jealousy is a vile thing.
But it only means he has a larger chance to get you alone. And when he does?
"Chin up, sergeant. You're at a level they can never hope to reach."
The image of your parted lips sears itself onto the back of his eyelids. He looks for it in his most shameful points, a hand wrapped around his thick length as water beats down his back.
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grimoireofhayley · 1 year ago
Text
Of Friends and Horror
Stu Macher x Fem!Reader x Billy Loomis
WARNINGS: Graphic content, Smut (MINORS DNI), Language, Talks of SA, Cheating, Obsessiveness, Gore, 18+ Content, Stalking, Possessiveness, Dirty talk, Religion talk, Suppressed Mental Health problems (I.e., reader has some issues that she isn't aware of)
Word Count: 1.2k
Taglist: @ev3ningrain @nerdytif @fanfic-enjoyer123 @darkenwolfie @juda-the-simp  @colsons-baker @junnniiieee07  @ok-boke @ren-ni @katie-tibo @bruce-yamada @kenma-izhu @cookielovesbook-akie @elevenpurple
A/n: I hope this chapter was just as good as the others, I feel like it was somewhat sloppily done, but I'm not too sure, I'm just so freaking hot in my room, I am sweating bullets and can't think, lmao.
All chapter links!!! 👇🏻👇🏻👇🏻
OF&H Masterlist
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Chapter 13
You were sprawled about on Tatum’s spare bed she had in her room, whereas Sidney was tummy-first on her inflatable, seemingly lost in her own thoughts. 
“God, I loved it.” Tatum giggled, pulling her blonde hair into a tight ponytail, whilst looking at you, her eyes filled with admiration. “I’ll send you a copy… BAM!” She punched a stuffed bunny that was next to her before picking it up, flinging it all over the place in excitement, “Bitch went down.” She laughed, “The insults had to be my favourite part, though.” She gleamed, tossing the stuffy elsewhere. 
You rolled your eyes at her exaggeration, “Tatum, it wasn’t a movie, there shouldn’t be any favourite parts. I punched a person, let alone insulted her outside a police station…”. You sat up from the bed, sitting criss-crossed, propping your arm up on your thigh and resting your chin in the palm of your hand. “I could have been arrested!” You chortled, snorting in the process.
Tatum completely ignored that possibility, her exhilaration being her only muse. 
“I’ll send you a copy—BAM! (Y/n), superbitch.” Tatum repeated and in her best you voice she said, “Now, if I were you, I would put that book on hold and shut the fuck up for once.” She placed her hand on her hip, contorting her face into that of someone who was extremely confident. 
Your lips formed a thin line, shocked at how she managed to recall the event word-for-word. “I’m actually surprised you were able to remember all that, was it really that impressive?” You quirked a brow, tilting your head, ignoring the sudden pain in your hand. 
 “Uh, yeah.” She tsk-ed, “I’m certain you’ll be the talk of the school tomorrow.” She giggled. “You’re so cool.” She beamed, batting her lashes. 
“I thought you might want some ice for that right hook.” Dewey suddenly appeared in the doorway, tossing you an ice pack.
You caught it with your sore hand, wincing slightly, regretting your instinct to catch it with your dominant one.
“Thanks, Dewey..” You warmly smiled up at him, placing the pack on your knuckles and instant relief was felt. 
You laid back down, your head hitting the pillow.
“I’ll be right next door. Try to get some sleep, girls.” 
“Yeah, yeah.” Tatum groaned, waving her hand at her older brother, motioning him to leave. 
You turned on your side, looking at Sidney and a ping of guilt washed over you, yet again that night. 
She was distraught, and she looked uncomfortable, most likely because of the argument you both shared with each other earlier at school, and how you gave her the cold shoulder at the Police Station, silently scolding her for the ridiculousness of believing that her own boyfriend would try to kill her. 
You frowned, a wave of gloominess lingering in the air as you let the ice pack fall to the ground. 
“Sidney?” You whisper, trying to get her attention. 
She shuffles, not wanting to talk, but she soon groans, turning to face you.
“Yeah?” She questions.
“I’m sorry.” You pout, rubbing at your orbs. “I shouldn’t have said those things at school, and I shouldn’t have scolded you at the police station.” You mumbled, “You’re a person; you have feelings and those feelings are valid and they always will be.” You finished.
Sidney’s eyes grew, not sure how to process everything, but she soon smiled, and for once, she didn’t feel like you were the bad guy and that everything will be okay. 
“It’s fine, (Y/n). Apology accepted…” She trailed, “Though, you were right, I had no business to go through your journal and call you names when my mother was something else…” She gulped, “I don’t know what got over me… and I am truly sorry.” She twiddles with her thumbs, looking at you with hopeful hues, as if she was begging for your forgiveness, and in ways, she was. Afterall, you did punch a woman for both her sake and yours. 
Tatum cheered, glad that her two best friends made up. “Jeez, I’m thankful you both apologized to one another because I was starting to get bummed out in my own home.” She laughs. “On a more serious note…” Tatum changes the subject, her curiosity getting the better of her. “Do you really think Billy did it?” 
Sidney’s smile soon faded, “He was there, Tatum..” Her voice trembled.
Tatum rolled her eyes, “He was destined to have a flaw, I knew he was too perfect.” She whined. 
Knock… Knock…Knock…
Rapid knocking at Tatum’s bedroom door was heard and this caught everyone's attention.
Tatum looked at the door, seeing it open, revealing her mother, Mrs. Riley, “Telephone, honey.” 
“Who is it?” The blonde asks. 
“It’s for Sid…” 
“Is it my dad?” Sidney popped up from off the floor, looking over yours and Tatum’s bed.
“I don’t think so.” 
“Take a message?” You chirped in.
“No, um, I’ll get it.” Sidney looks at you and Tatum, indicating for the both of you to follow her.
“Gotcha..” You mouthed at her, grabbing ahold of Tatum’s hand, forcing her to get up and follow you towards Sidney and the three of you went out the door.
--
Sidney placed the phone up against her ear, her nerves screaming to be let out, “H-Hello?” She stutters.
“Hello, Sidney.” The killer spoke.
“NO, NO!” She yells, gripping the sides of her head. 
You and Tatum rushed to her side, holding her, keeping her from freaking out anymore. 
“Poor Billy-boyfriend.” 
Sidney quickly placed the phone down, clicking the speaker button, so everyone could hear. 
“An innocent guy doesn’t stand a chance with you.”
“Leave me alone!” She yells, starting to hyperventilate. 
“DEWEY!” Mrs. Riley rushes off to get her son. 
“Looks like you fingered the wrong guy…Again.”
“Who are you?” 
“Hang up, Sid.” Tatum ushers her friend as you rubbed her arm, trying to support her. 
“Don’t worry, Sidney. You’ll find out soon enough. I promise.” The killer gloats, taking a heavy-breath. “Oh, and (Y/n), Sweetheart, I hope you found the gift a real heart stopper~”
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car-sounds · 9 months ago
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Midnight Loneliness
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Solomon x (GN)reader
546 words
Summary: MCs feelings about the past versions of the brothers make them unable to fall asleep. Solomon helps them with that and talks them through their feelings. The story takes place early in Nightbringer.
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Late at night Coutus hall
Solomon is still up working on a new spell, and Mc is still up, struggling to sleep.
The loneliness of the brothers and everyone else not remembering you has gotten to you.
You’ve spent god knows how long trying to fall asleep but your thoughts keep you awake. The only solution you’ve come up with is going to find Solomon to cure your loneliness.
You can see the light spill out from under the door of his room. Once you knock, he gives you permission to enter. “MC, usually you're asleep by now. Is anything wrong?”
You shuffle into his room holding your pillow “I’m feeling kinda lonely. Can I hang out with you for a little while?”
“Of course”
You make your way to an armchair in the corner of his room and curl up on it making yourself comfortable. He goes back to his experiments but this time his focus is split between his work and you “Are you missing the brothers?”
“Yeah…It’s so weird seeing the same people I’ve made connections with over those years not knowing who I am.”
“I understand what you mean, I hope to get us back to the timeline as soon as possible…even though this arrangement is in my favor.”
“Thanks for being here with me in this timeline, I don’t think I would know what to do without you.”
“I’m sure you would have handled it well on your own, you are my talented apprentice after all.” 
“Whether that’s true or not I’m still glad you're by my side. Not only to guide me through the past but to keep me company, it’s been nice living with you!” Your tone brightens for a moment before the thoughts of your right timeline come back. “Glad we feel the same way about this new living arrangement.”
“Even if we get back to the right timeline, what if I miss the past version of the others?”
“They are still the same people, they are just a little different, for better or for worse. You know we can’t stay in the past forever so it’s not like there is any choice to make.”
“I know, I know. I just can’t help but feel guilty. I know I’m going to have to leave them at some point, and it feels wrong getting close to them when I know it’s going to end soon.”
“We have to do this to get back to the right timeline. Even if you can’t stay forever I know you’ll have a positive impact on the brothers in this timeline nonetheless.” His words comfort you, your doubt is still there but the validation that you’re doing things right was just what you needed.
“Thank you, Solomon.” Your voice has gotten softer than it was a couple of minutes ago. Solomon decided to finish his experimenting early tonight and offered you a place next to him in bed to make you feel not as lonely, and you accepted his offer.
The warmth of him and his bed fills you with the comfort you needed today. You finally feel the sleepiness taking you away. The doubt may come back another day but for now, you’re confident in the choices you know have to be made.
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oogabsooeg · 3 months ago
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ok i have been so mad at bells hells treatment of ashton (after the little emperorshard fuckup) that it has stopped me from getting sleep for 2 nights, i hope posting about it will cleanse my soul amen
FCG bitch you therapeutic FRAUD!! Your bestie is exhibiting extreme signs of self destructive behaviour and ur response is to question their loyalty to the bells?? Ashton is so unbelievably ride or die for u and this is ur response i cannot believe it, youve been a bad therapist and a worse friend apology NOW
Laudna we have beef now i better hear a thousand apologies from you, unacceptable behaviour towards ur resurrection buddy. Ashtons got you your back so unbelievably hard, literally was the most down af to go get u back from the dead without ever questioning it. Youve done bad things on full purpose, and you are this rude about ashton doing what they thought was the right thing. Back the fuck off!!!! Apologize!!
Fern ur valid u get to be mad
Chet you absolute ratdoggie, under no circumstances do you have the right after scratching orym twice and fully biting Frida to demand ashton leaves, genuinely i hope u get disadvantage on your next year of waking up rolls
Imogen you read their mind and saw that they were trying to do good and you didnt defend them but got mad with the rest, i dont wanna hear none of it apologize
Orym you had a gym day about it i can respect that
Ashton has taken hits for u that would have had the rest of yas out COLD, they have gone through some real fucking bullshit on par with the worst of yall and deserve LOVE and SUPPORT and not this absolute shitshow of bad friendship. Ur all fuckups and uve all gotten to fuckup with support, but ashtons getting nothing but shamed they deserve a billion times better i am outraged thank god for nana morrie episodes i need her so bad after this!!
That being said best episode yet this show has never made me feel this much emotion before, 10/10 BUT YOURE NOT OF THE HOOK UNTIL YOU APOLOGIZE :C
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pinetrees-in-the-water · 1 year ago
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Slender mansion headcanons?
Aight anon you didnt mention who to write for so I'm gonna write about all my favs, also this will be infuenced by my personal rewrite so I hope you dont mind!!
(Charcters included: Jeff, Ben, Nina, Toby, EJ, Clockwork, Jane, Masky/Tim, The Operator and a hint of Laughing Jack)
I'll make a part 2 as soon as I can because I have way too many thoughts about the Mansion to fit in one post.
Thank you for the ask!!!
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◇Slender Mansion Headcanons◇
◇Part 1◇
• Actual fucking chaos
• Thank god the Mansion is so deep in the woods because they would have been reported for SEVERAL noise complaints.
• Ben and Jeff usually play videogames late into the night (usually old PS2 titles, horror or multiplayer games) and Jeff has almost 0 voice control.
• So Tim (or Jane) usually has to barge in and yell at them to keep it down, not that he sleeps much anyways but theyre annoying and Nina is a light sleeper.
• Ben, Clockwork and Tim are all insomniacs so they usually all play board games or go for long drives together, Ben has successfully gotten them into dnd.
• Ben is pretty bad at taking care of himself because he just kinda....forgets due to his ADHD so everyone in the mansion gives him their little reminders or help out.
• Whether its Nina brushing his hair, Jane bringing him dinner when he forgot to eat or Toby essentially throwing him in the shower (never the bathtub his phobia of deep water is too strong and everyone in the mansion is mindful of it)
• Nina, Jeff and Ben all have movie nights every Tuesday. Occasionally the other members of the mansion will join them if the're free but they all have different hunting schedules set by The Operator.
•Nina screams at every jumpscare in a horror movie, her screams are so loud that EJ can hear it from the basement.
• The Operator himself doesn't live in the Mansion although it is his. Hes rarely seen or heard from, only leaving notes around the house. The only one really fond of him is Nina.
• The Operator usually leaves breakfast on the table in the morning for all of them, Clockwork has a small feeling that he doesn't like Jeff because his eggs are never done the way he likes.
• Speaking of Clockwork, the only people she really relaxes around are Toby and EJ, otherwise shes the resident strong, scary, silent type. Ben was low-key scared of her at first but theyre cool now.
• She has major anger issues so his fears are validated, she mostly does a good job of hiding it and generally is very friendly although her bluntness comes of as being mean sometimes.
• EJ and Clockwork usually give each other book and audio drama podcast reccomendations. They're so comfortable around each other that everyone though they were dating at first (They're not).
• EJ was studying to be a surgeon before he got into this mess, his skills carried over and he acts like the in house doctor for the mansion, frequently gets annoying at Tim's smoking.
• EJ honestly spends more time in his lab in the basement than his actual room, he doesn't let many people down there for "sanitation" reasons but everyone else knows its just to keep the teenagers from being more traumatized than they already are.
• Nobody goes into the attic as The Clown (Laughing Jack) lives there, they're all a little afraid of him but he only leaves and enters the room through the attic so hes never seen in the rest of the house.
• Jane had to go into the attic to speak to The Clown once on instruction of The Operator and acted out of character for the rest of the week, keeping all the cupboards and wardrobes in her vicinity open at all times.
• Jane and Tim are often regarded as "The Parents" of the Mansion as they're the oldest, both being in their mid to late 30s, everyone MOSTLY respects them enough to listen.
• Nina treats Clockwork and Jane like big sisters and often finds every excuse to tag along and spend time with them, usually ends up rambling about random fanfiction or a new show she's watching while they listen.
• Clockwork and Toby are like Ben and Jeff just older. Two peas in a pod, they go everywhere together and Clockwork becomes a little more unhinged around him. They've been hiding a stolen stoplight in Toby's room for 3 months and nobody has noticed yet.
• Toby and Jeff either get along a little too well or are fist fighting there is no in between. They're both loose canons. Nobody can tell if they're friends or hate each other.
• Toby and Nina both get along well as they're able to understand and read each other better than the other mansion members due to their shared experience having bpd.
• Toby often accompanies Nina on missions and looks out for her, similar to an older brother, and Nina goes on frequent trips with him to help bring firewood for the Mansion.
• They have their moments but overall everyone gets along pretty well.
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lavenderblanketfort · 7 months ago
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Hypnos i think you just might be my only hope.
Well; its between you and alot of self work. . .
I suppose we will get there together though
I came to you out of desperation and you’ve been a big help; im sorry i fight you so hard and kind of bash what you are/stand for. Thank you for being patient with me
Sleep has always been one of my biggest fears;
Im afraid of being vulnerable
Im afraid of being left behind
Im afraid of not being there for others when they need me
Im afraid of missing out
Im afraid of just…the struggle? Like how much i toss and turn how i struggle to stay asleep how when i do sleep its often nightmares and night terrors. Screaming and crying in my sleep
It’s never been something pleasant or fun i have a-lot of trauma and guilt and fear surrounding it.
Honestly i’m struggling; my therapist has said she isn’t qualified and wants me to see a sleep doctor. Really not vibing with that option though
And sometimes its causing trouble in my relationships; like id rather sleep on the floor by my bfs bed than have my own bed. Sometimes he wants to have his own time and like valid
Beds are scary
But honestly I’ve been thinking about getting poppy sheets for mine as maybe like a offering/devotional act
And who knows it might help.
You make sleep less daunting; i like and trust the greek gods. Its less scary imagining you coming to get me and dragging me to dream worlds/knocking me out im not sure the details. Than a force of nature
So maybe thats what needs to happen
Seeing sleep as a friend, something good
Vs all that trauma and bad things
Please be my friend hypnos; i really need your help and stuff
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Psst heres the poppy sheets i was thinking i hope you like them
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born-in-hell · 4 months ago
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Looking back, i think one the things that brought the hater out of me the most during qsmp (regarding the players themselves and the story) was how so many decisions made, and arguments defended, based on ooc criteria.
Like, ok. I love bagi. I adore bagi. I recite prayers for bagi every night before i sleep. I am not saying bagi — or anyone else that wouldve been invited if other ppl won — shouldnt have been invited to the qsmp. But my GOD the opportunity for the election winner to chooses someone to send to what's essentially an open air PRISION is insane to me. No islander fucking WANTS to be there so WHYYYYY would they subject a loved one to the SAME TORTURE??????? (except like bbh inviting skeppy cuz whatever they have going on is kinda weird and they're both old as fuck so who cares)
It is a fun decision out of the rp. It gives the players a nice prize if they manage to win. And it could've stayed at that, an ooc prize. But NO they had to mention it canonically. More then once. So much that some players (cof cof) argued bbh shouldnt win bc he would invite skeppy in a non democratic way. That was a CANNON ARGUMENT. MADE BY A PLAYER.
I cant stress how much i hate this decision. I can't stress how much i adored the story and these little things broke the immersion so much for me.
How did NO ONE go against inviting someone to basically be a little lab rat???????? Not even like cellbit. Or baghera. Or anyone else.
The mods thing is less insane. Also very ooc, but not as infuriating in lore, bc it is just a fun decision thing and not like,, idk, choosing a friend to send to an open air torture house. Still broke the immersion for me a lot tho.
And now with fucking purgatory. Oh god.
This time it wasnt even Qstudios' fault (which sounds insane considering,, well, the array of poorly analyzed decisions). It was the fault some of the players that decided that "in meta this doesnt make sense!!!!! they wouldnt do this!!!" is a valid argument to bring into an IN CHARACTER DISCUSSION.
All the things tubbo said abt the cursed team were in character. All his arguments were perfectly cohesive w the things qtubbo was supposed to know, and all the times he talked to them he was playing the character. Just for them to reply w "i think ur wrong bc qstudios wouldnt do this in meta bc there HAS to be a winner"
NO THERE DOESN'T????????? Purgatory was a poorly planned and poorly executed event that id argue shouldve never existed but oh my GOD.
This is gonna sound corny but if you look at the cursed team in a completely meta perspective, the objective wouldve been very clear — force the teams to unite so that the cursed team would win (remember that if the cursed team won they could get all the eggs back instead of only 1) .
The moral here wouldve been that friendship is magic ✨ (< sorry)
And to be honest, that would've been a much more tolerable event. I wont elaborate; u all know why.
Idk if qstudios shouldve been more clear abt it, or even if they thought as far as i did — considering, well, everything that we know today. I just think not listening to someone saying things w proof bc "in meta they wouldnt do that" is dumb and breaks the immersion so much for me.
They couldve discussed it like that in their ooc convos. But they did it during rp and thats what i dont like.
Anyways sorry for this rant i woke up a hater today,, i hope this makes even a little bit of sense. Also this is not a hate to the ccs, still adore (most of) them. Sometimes ppl make mistakes and thats totally ok!!!!!!! Regarding the elections i think it was mostly a poor decision and direction from qstudios then the players' fault. Purgatory was the players themselves (in this specific case) tho..
Yeah thats it 👍
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the-matron-of-ravens · 13 days ago
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I love keyleth so much, and I know the sending of ravens doesn’t make it easy. But as valid as her feelings and grief is, you’re the only one I’ve seen actually think about Vax’s feelings in this. He doesn’t want to hurt her he felt so bad after he’s second deal with the matron to defeat vecna. I feel like keyleth and to an extent Marisha needs to realize that she CAN move on. He doesn’t get the happy ending either. I hope they have a talk he she tells him to stop with the ravens or something cause people keep saying that’s what’s keeping her stuck but she can take control of that and tell him “hey can you stop the the ravens. I won’t forget about you and what life was like with you here.” Anyway this is just venting and I need sleep but anyway I thank you for your post on how vax may feel in his position.
Hey! Thanks for the ask! I love getting these.
I think Keyleth gets most of the attention understandably because she’s the one still alive. BUT we know that Vax’s being dead doesn’t mean he’s gone or can’t see or watch. I have so many questions. What is it like for him? To crave to be with the women he loves but to know if he shows himself he may hurt them more? To want to see his love but everytime she sees him on a branch she cries, but she wants him to come back nonetheless?
What is it like to have the only purpose you’ve ever cared about (loving and protecting the people you love and especially Keyleth and Vex) ripped from your hands? What is it like to have to watch on the sidelines as all of them live their lives but because you’re not there - your beloved is in daily pain and anguish?
Of course being in pain everyday is brutal, but what is it like feeling that you cannot help the pain (all you’ve ever wanted to do) AND you are the cause of it?
Vax has become an immortal celestial but the man who deeply loves Keyleth is still there. But as we’ve established. Just as his physical looks haven’t changed he also hasn’t really changed from where we last saw him. There’s no online dating scene in the Matron’s realm - even if he was interested. Which he isn’t. Vax may have died physically but he is not immune from the same torture Keyleth has been going through.
On the other hand, Keyleth is still alive and has grown a lot more but she too is stuck. She’s stuck on Vax and can’t move on or can’t bring herself to move on. He’s the one who was torn away from her, but then sometimes is there. It’s a weird limbo which is hard to move on from. And it’s even harder when in Percy and Vex’s life she sees they life they could have had.
To that point, Vax is also separated from his sister, his nieces and nephews, and all of Vox Machina. At least Keyleth still has ALL of these people, even if it hurts to look sometimes. His choice of company is…the Matron or the souls he ferries. That’s about it.
Neither Keyleth nor Vax are intentionally hurting the other or horrible people. They are deeply in love, deeply hurt, and DEEPLY doomed by the narrative.
But, just as Fate’s strings may have a web they’d like to weave, it doesn’t mean we don’t get our own say. I hope both Keyleth and Vax can find it in themselves to say fuck it to Fate to take this night for themselves.
And then after? Providing there’s still the world and the gods? They need to have like a VERY intentional conversation about boundaries and needs and shit. Cause WHEW this is not the healthiest.
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