#you are a symptom of my mental illness

[stillhaventgotmydriverslicense]

please please please get out of my head

[uncanny-tranny]

I think it would really benefit people to internalize that mental illnesses are often chronic and not acute. Some of us will never be able to jump the hurdle of managing illness, much less sustaining a sense of normalcy. Many of us will never "recover," will never manage symptoms, will never even come close to appearing normal - and this is for any condition, even the ones labeled as "simple" disorders or "easy-to-manage" disorders.

It isn't a failure if you cannot manage your symptoms. It isn't a moral failure, and you aren't an awful person. You are human. There's only so much you can do before recognizing that you cannot lift the world. Give yourself the space to be ill because, functionally, you are.

[itsalmostavengers]

I’m a truly incredible covert operative when it comes to fandom like no-one irl knows the depths of my obsession HOWEVER. I am aware of the fact that if anyone called iron man a narcissist in front of me I’d have no choice but to kill them with hammers

[furiousgoldfish]

me internally: I keep acting like everything is okay in front of others, and hiding my true feelings and state of mind. It's chafing on me and making me feel alone and frustrated at the lack of understanding. Maybe I should speak up and express myself more.

me: Hey, I know I act normal but in reality I am anxious and worried most of the time, and also in pain and re-living past memories and scared there won't be a future for me. I wasn't trying to hide it but I feel compulsed to act like everything is normal.

other people: stop thinking and feeling like that and be normal already. nobody wants to hear this

me: oh.

[wortcunningwitch]

PSA: my blog is NOT for people who believe crystals can cure disease, mental illness, chronic conditions, disabilities, etc. or people who believe crystals can substitute modern medicine and be effective in the slightest. yes, this includes people who say crystals can “help with depression/anxiety/etc”.

[greensaplinggrace]

im going insane btw jon was literally right. tim's so angry at him for how he acted paranoid out of his mind and like. i get it. but jon was right. sasha was a doppleganger!! his boss is a manipulative cunt that is trying to end the world! people are quite literally out to fucking get him!! like tim i get it i get it but are you aware of the genre you're in im alskdjflk

[sleepy-crypt1d]

One of my favorite parts of COF that I find is commonly overlooked is the fact that it doesn't sanitized itself for a broader audience, it comes in with a message, with a story to tell that's hard to swallow with characters that are realistic and heartbreaking, and it doesn't apologize for this once.

Something interesting that occurred to me was how people who have never experienced severe mental health struggles view COF- the specific instance I'm thinking of is when I was explaining the plot to my mom, and had explained the different endings to her and how to get those endings, and what each one seemed to imply both for Simon and his relationship with those in his life, and her takeaway from the conversation was- "I don't like that the mentally ill main character becomes a killer. I don't like that he's the bad guy"

And this was interesting to me because, that's kind of the whole reason why I started to love Simon in the first place.

So infrequently are we shown mentally ill characters who do bad things yet still deserve redemption. Who still deserve to be treated as a person, because they are one. In a world that is becoming largely comfortable with the idea "bad person = deserves to die" it was insanely refreshing to see a character like Simon, who we see hurt people, who we see become obsessed and stalkerish and violent, gain redemption through healing. Through therapy and community and the belief from others that he will get better. That he isn't a lost cause.

In ending 2, one of the darker endings of the experience, we learn that Simon is alone. That his friends and family have all left him. That he's been abandoned due to his disability and general mental health struggles, and this was devastating to me. Upsetting to a degree that had me thinking about it for days afterward. Not helped by Simon's plea to Dr. Purnell to not feel bad because "not everyone can be saved". The way Simon views himself is much too similar to my own view of myself as someone who has struggled with similar issues.

As someone who was led down a path of harm due to untreated issues and still struggles with believing I "deserve" redemption.

Because I do, and so does he.

And it's always so upsetting seeing so many people who view victims as one note stories. As people who just cry sometimes and have trouble talking to people or get sad every once in awhile. Mental health is messy and hard to live with and life ruining at times, and this stripping of it's nuance is so frustrating to see happen over and over and over again.

Victims are not your savior story. They are not cookie cutter helpless children that need to be protected. Abuse and severe struggles do not make you stronger, they do not make you better, they do not magically make you more empathetic or loving and I'm fucking tired of that narrative. I'm tired of being talked over by people who've never experienced it or other victims who think they're the "good" ones because, well, they never did that which means anyone who did is horrible. I'm tired of stories of illness being sanitized for other people's comfort.

Victims can become perpetrators, that does not take away from their victim status. That does not change the fact that they still deserve help. That does not take away from their personhood. They are a human being that needs help, not a death sentence. Should they take accountability? Of fucking course. Does their trauma absolve them of wrongdoing? No. But I'm tired of people acting like cycles don't exist, like the second you act out on your trauma you're past saving.

Simon's story is perfect the way it is. A story of redemption and acceptance, of learning to live and grow and learn from past mistakes and find a way to live peacefully. To take responsibility and attempt to rekindle the relationships you lost, the ones you hurt.

Ending 4 and his admittance to the hospital, as well as his continued friendship with Sophie but acceptance of his loss of a romantic one, is heart breakingly bittersweet in a way that is hard for me to describe. Him getting better but living with what he's done, growing from it and learning to live anyways.

Another part of this is that, in his happy ending, in the ending where he does get better; he doesn't do it alone. Largely, the narrative of community is lost in these stories, how helpful a support system can be. Simon gets better because he has people there for him, because he has Purnell and Sophie and his mom looking out for him. He has his doctors and the staff at the hospital and people who know he can get better, that he's still a person deserving and capable of good.

People need people, and this seems an obvious note to me in the story of COF. Simon needs people. He needed people the entire time. Someone, anyone, to listen to him and give him the hand he needed.

And it's so refreshing to see a character like Simon still be loved and cared about and helped even when he was "the bad guy". Let mental ill characters be realistic. I'm begging you.

[clowningaroundmars]

i still cannot get over The Twins like.

imagine.

you have another version of you out there arguably living a life just as difficult as yours, if not more, that you can talk to at literally Any Time! and they're You so you basically already have half a convo down anytime you decide to pop on over via a portal

1610 and 42 stepping out of their respective portals side-by-side just to stroll out of an alleyway like nothin happened just going:

1610: LOUD SIGH

42: rough day too huh?

1610, brushing debris off of his shoulder: yeeep. another run-in with the rhino. again.

42: you didn't lock his dumb ass up like, last month? how'd he get out?

1610: don't know, don't care. so done with this week, i just wanna... i dunno. hibernate til spring 😮‍💨

42: man, what a mood.

1610: what happened to you? you look like you had a rougher day than me!

42, covered in visible bruises and cuts along with his bandages: mannnn... rougher week more like. well... rougher life. but. anyways.

they both nod at each other in Understanding

[juiceyborger]

i locked in too hard, blacked out, woke up with this typed out on my phone. i haven't done any fic writing or creative writing for....probably 8 years now? this was a lot of fun.

[juliamccartney]

hey can y'all stop calling evil people 'psychopaths'

[genderfluid-and-confuzled]

I WAS ON THAT

[bpdamn]

daily reminder that there’s a difference between hating your abuser and hating every single person with npd. one is understandable the other one just makes you an asshole

[do-not-consume]

If you have a friend with a quirk you find annoying do both of you a favor and don't invite them to long term hangouts.

People with an "annoying" sense of humor will make annoying jokes on your girls trip

People with "annoying" religious habits will practice said habits at your sleepover

People with "annoying" traits will still have those traits if you take them on vacation

A person with an "annoying" voice will have the same voice the whole road trip

A person who can't read the room won't suddenly learn over a week

If someone warns you they have "annoying" symptoms of any illness/disability (physical or mental) they're not suddenly going to stop experiencing that at your next shopping spree

You knew them before this. You invited them.

Sincerely, a person who got eyerolled by their supposed friends for being too annoying at a squad trip

[orca-iguana]

Sometimes I think people get discomfort and hurt and suffering mixed up and it fucks up a lot of shit. Sometimes people will make you uncomfortable and that is sometimes their fault sometimes your problem and sometimes literally just a thing that happens. It's important to be okay with being uncomfortable and avoiding the uncomfortable often hurts a lot of people around you. Sometimes people will hurt you and a lot of times it's their fault, it's never your fault if you are genuinely hurt, and worst of all sometimes it is nobodies fault at all and is just unavoidable. You can't really get better at dealing with hurt, unless you turn it into the melancholy of suffering. Which sucks. It sucks. But just because you got hurt doesn't mean the correct response is to hurt back. But also when you are suffering you can't really do the whole logical processing thing. And generally I just think people need to be more okay with understanding that sometimes people will be really fucking annoying to you and sometimes the correct response is to block them and move on and sometimes the correct response is to realize oh shit I have something to work through.

[ongreenergrasses]

is there a specific disorder that you would say Annie has? is it just severe ptsd or could something else have developed from the trauma of her games?

short answer? I don’t think I can say.

what psychiatry defines as a disorder is a collection of symptoms, right, and their presence (or lack of in some cases) is how people get diagnosed. Annie presents a couple symptoms…definitely the one that people fix on the most is her psychosis, which presents predominately with hallucinations. she sees things that aren’t there (those green eyes fixate on a point with such intensity that you find yourself trying to make out what she sees in the empty air), she seems to hear things that aren’t there (sometimes, for no reason, she presses both her hands over her ears as if to block out a painful sound)(both mj, 225). a condition called brief psychotic disorder (previously known as brief reactive psychosis) can be triggered as a result of severe trauma. she’s also highly reactive to triggers and they can cause her to dissociate, which we see when Johanna brings up the events in the Capitol.

“Peeta and I had adjoining cells in the Capitol. We’re very familiar with each other’s screams.”

Annie, who’s on Johanna’s other side, does that thing where she covers her ears and exits reality. (mj, 241)

this falls in line with ptsd.

it’s complicated because ptsd co-occurs with so many other mental illnesses, namely anxiety and depression, and the traumatic event that triggered her ptsd could also trigger potential recurrent bouts of brief psychotic disorder. but again disorders are a cluster of symptoms, and many symptoms can be indicators for a variety of mental health issues, and many symptoms come linked inextricably with others. personally, I find it more useful and reasonable to write Annie in terms of the symptoms she experiences as opposed to finding her a definitive diagnosis.

the other thing is we have no idea how Annie acts at home. we only ever see her in times of incredible stress. she might live with these symptoms all the time, or she might experience them rarely once she’s in a safe environment with her coping mechanisms and a routine she’s set up, and that makes any type of diagnosis difficult because a lot of diagnoses are based on symptom duration.

I think the ambiguity is valuable because it allows people to feel seen and connect their own diagnoses to her experiences, but I know that in part comes from the fact that Panem has absolutely no understanding of trauma or mental health issues. she’d never get anything remotely like a diagnosis besides people calling her “the mad girl” (which is unacceptable to say and something I’m still mad at Suzanne Collins for including). the ambiguity also comes from SC’s laziness in writing Annie’s primary presence in the story as ‘Finnick’s girlfriend’ and ‘trauma personified’.

in terms of other types of neurodivergence, I know there’s people who hc Annie as autistic, but i personally don’t feel qualified to speak on that.

[b-blushes]

thursday quest - no physical therapy today - make and eat lunch sooooo early but i can do it!!!!! - get ready for wedding - attend wedding! yay! (: - decompress well when i get home <3