#obviously it changes sometimes but i think it mostly remains the same

[stillhaventgotmydriverslicense]

please please please get out of my head

[the-ace-with-spades]

(I adore fics where Johnny’s family loves Ghost from day one, but, you know…angst)

Soap and Ghost had been together for almost two years. They never name the relationship, really, but it's serious and they both know it.

Thing is, Johnny's seen Ghost's face a total of four times, counting Las Almas.

Well, he sees parts of it regularly, more than others. Ghost will either roll the balaclava up when they're reading together in bed or when they're eating. Sometimes, when Soap wants to go out and Ghost indulges him, he goes in public in just either a face mask or a gaiter and Soap can see his short wavy blonde hair sticking all over the place and 

The four times he had seen Simon’s face in it’s whole — obviously, Las Almas; one time when he was unconscious and bleeding from a head wound and Johnny had to check; one time when they took a shower together, Simon stayed with his back toward him through most of it, but when they finished, he let Johnny dry off his hair; one time, when Johnny asked him to see him for his birthday presents, a few minutes after midnight.

Johnny wasn’t sure why exactly Simon didn’t want to show him his face. It wasn’t a trust thing — he trusted Johnny with more than his own life — and it wasn’t like he was ugly — he was downright sinful. He never drilled the topic because he didn’t care, if SImon wasn’t ready, then he wasn’t ready, but if he had to guess, it was all to do with identity and being seen. No one knew his face — people could know his name, Simon “Ghost” Riley, but they wouldn’t know the man behind the mask. Wouldn’t know the people behind Simon “Ghost” Riley.

(Johnny wasn’t completely off on the assumption — Simon didn’t want anyone to know his face because faceless people weren’t missed. Faceless graves — like his own — didn’t have people to leave behind, and faceless soldiers didn’t have loved ones to find and he was both. No one could get hurt if he remained faceless. Or at least that’s what he’d been telling himself.)

And Johnny is okay with that — if Simon never showe him his face again, he’d still love him all the same. Johnny’s family? Not so much.

They’re supposed to be in Glasgow for five days total, leaving after Boxing Day. Johnny gives them all a warning, that Ghost is a bit shy and doesn’t like showing his face, he’ll most likely stay covered the whole time, he might be wearing a balaclava, or a mask, he probably won't eat at the table.

When they arrive at his parents house, it almost seems like everyone forgot. Like everyone thought it'd be more mild or that Johnny was exaggerating.

There are looks. There is silence. People can't stop staring.

His mam takes one look at Simon’s balaclava once they enter the living room and looks funny at them. “Ah thooght Ah tauld ye boays tae strip doon.”

“Mam, lea him alane,” he tries but he can tell that Simon is getting tense and his mam is getting tense.

His mam, who is usually the sweetest person ever, is uncharacteristically quiet and curt whenever Simon is around. Simon doesn't really know how to make it better — Johnny's never seen him so silent outside of stealth missions, he just stands there like a sore thumb, not making anything less awkward. He didn't expect him to — Simon's social skills are lacking and he loves him that way — but he expected his own family to not make such a big deal out of that mask.

His da is stern and silent, which is as disapproving as he gets. His sisters are a bit weirded out, but mostly focused on teasing Johnny, even making fun of the mask. With a stupid grin, his older sister asks, “Does he keep it oan in bed?”

Johnny doesn't say anything to that, even though his face feels red. His sisters stop laughing.

“He does?” When Johnny tries to step out of the room and avoid the conversation, his sister’s tone changes. “Hae ye e’en seen his face?”

“O’ coorse Ah hae,” he spits out. He doesn’t specify it was only four times — he doesn’t think it’d help. “And ‘s a bonnie ane, alricht.”

It doesn’t save the situation and his sisters are also weirded out and wary from then on.

 The kids do not care — they ask maybe two questions, tilts their head as Simon explains and that’s it — and Johnny breathes a little easier as soon as his nieces push Simon outside to help them build a snowman.

The judgment doesn’t stop. Johnny’s blood boils any time it shows and even though Simon says it’s all fine, he can’t stop feeling angry about this. They just can’t get past the mask.

Christmas Eve and Christmas Day are difficult to Simon and Johnny knows it. He’s given him the option to omit the family dinner on both those days if he’s not feeling alright enough to spend those days in crowdy house filled with a flock of loud and cheery people of all ages.

Simon knows this. He also knows that if he says he wants to stay at Johnny’s flat for the time being, Johnny is going to insist he doesn’t have to go either, that he’d prefer to stay in with him and not go for the Christmas dinner. Which he also knows is bullshit — Johnny loves Christmas, loves spenidng time with his family, that was basically why he kept on insisting Simon couldn’t stay alone at the base for Christmas another year in a row. It was the main reason why he agreed to go with Johnny in the first place, he was pretty sure if he didn’t go with him, Johnny would insist he stays, too. 

So Simon stays in for Christmas Eve — or rather goes to a pub while Soap spends the day with his parents — but insists they go to Christmas dinner. 

His family is disappointed to see him there, to the point the usual manuevering around politeness and disapproving go onto a backburner.

“John said yer nae a fan o’ Christmas,” Johnny’s mum says to him pointedly.

“That’s right.”

“And yet ye’r ’ere,” she notes.

Johnny is far away from the earshot and he doesn’t want to lie to her so he admits, “If I didn’t come, Johnny would insist on keepin’ me company.”

“How come ye dinnae try to hae a bit mair cheer fur th' holidays then? Put a bit mair effort in for ma baby.” 

Johnny notices and soon enough, he’s next to him, their arms brushing, Johnny’s hand on the small of his back. “Lea him alane, mam.”

“It’s fine,” he says even though it’s not fine. They deserve an explanation, even just to know what they son is getting himself into. “My family was murdered on Christmas Eve. I’m—I’m trying.”

The silence falls over the room — Johnny’s mum, dad, his sister, all present, not looking at them. Simon closes his eyes, tries to breathe.

Johnny rubs his back. “Let’s gae home.”

“I’m not ruining Christmas for you, Johnny,” he says. Before Johnny can deny it — and he knows he’d try — he tries to placate, “Let’s just have ourselves a minute to calm down.”

Maybe it’s the way his voice is perfectly levelled or the way his hand trembles as he squeezes Johnny’s, but he lets him leave the room.

He steps outside — to the backyard. Sits down on the step to the garden and lets the snow soak through his jeans and the top o his balaclava.

The kids come outside, tripping over Simon’s legs. They were all oblivious to the trails and errors of Simon’s integration into the family, so they approach him as always

“Whit's wrang?”

There’s just something so innocent in having a six-year-old girl covered from head to toe in pink and glitter worry about you. Simon would never admit it in front of Johnny, but he finds the accent cute.

Simon takes off the mask.

The kids all look at him and look at him, a bit unsure maybe a bit fearful — it can be a scary sight, he admits, the elongated, jagged smile that sticks to him no matter the mood, makes him more crazy than he already is — but only one of Johnny’s niece keeps her eyes on Simon’s face. 

Shily, she asks, “Does it hurt?”

“No,” he replies. When she smiles, he smiles back.

Not anymore.

This is Johnny’s family. Simon can deny it all he wants, but Johnny’s seen him as family, as someone he’d leave behind, and it hadn’t been unrequited. He can’t hide behind a mask forever and maybe this was the kick he needed.

He steps back inside when his hands turn numb. He doesn’t put the mask back on.

Johnny’s eyes widen. “Simon?”

Simon just—smiles. He can feel the scars pulling on the corners of his mouth, the stiffer skin, but he’s not faceless. He’s not been faceless for a while.

Edit (29/03/24): This is now a WIP for a minimum 15k fic, titled don't shoot me, santa, that will have 4 chapters and will be posted (hopefully) later in the year

[monicaeidolith]

it's been 8 years and she's still down bad for her neighbor (who wouldn't)

and so there she is: Step 3 Athena! 🌙✨

Step 1 & Step 2 here

(Infos about Athena in every steps except 4 below if you're interested)

(watch out it's long.)

Step 1 -

At 10, Athena is a very curious girl, somewhat nosey and a bit clumsy (main reason why she often has bandages). She likes puzzles, creepy stuff and drawing (but nothing that serious about that hobby yet). While she isn't very shy, she's still uneasy around people she doesn't know and moving to a new town isn't helping. She has trouble accepting changes, and this whole situation is a way too big change.

Athena is very close to her mom during step 1. Unfortunately for her, she doesn't really look like her that much and she's kind of bothered by that, especially because the person she obviously looks like, her "dad", isn't there. Not having a dad isn't really a huge problem for her, but Athena fears a little bit people's opinion on that subject: "Is it weird that I don't have a dad...?".

She's feeling sad and scared about moving out, as she has to get used to a completely different world (in her eyes). "At least I have my mom", she thinks. But if moving in Golden Grove was scary at first, meeting Qiu and Tamarack was a huge help for Athena to feel included.

She thinks Qiu, aka "Autumn", is funny but also a huge show-off, haha. She LOVES to tease Qiu. But Athena's also genuinely worried about Qiu sometimes, because that kid is a huge people-pleaser.

When it comes to Tamarack, man... Athena totally puts this girl on a pedestal. She thinks Tamarack is amazing and pretty. And should Tamarack say anything positive about Athena, you can be certain the latter will go crazy internally. At 10, Athena doesn't realize she actually has a huge crush on Tamarack yet, though.

Step 2 -

At 14, Athena became a sort of troublemaker, she barely cares about rules. She's not mean but she grew to be more blunt and direct than she was as a 10-year-old, this and her current appearance make her seem unapproachable. However she kept her soft side, a side that she ironically doesn't even keep that much hidden but that you still have to deserve. If at 10 she would often have bandages because of her clumsiness, at 14, it's mostly because she's reckless. Some things that remained are her love for puzzles, creepy stuff and drawing, in fact, she started to get interested in visual arts.

In fact, the tough side of her personality grew when her first group friends with Qiu and Tamarack slowly fell apart. She couldn't do anything to prevent that from happening, so she felt like she had to toughen up. But to be honest, she's becoming tired of being the sole link between them, she's barely trying to now. Maybe Qiu and Tamarack won't become friends again. She has to accept it... but maybe Athena still has troubles accepting changes, no matter how old she is, after all.

Despite all that, Athena still treats both of them nicely. She still teases Qiu whenever she can (watch out Athena, the teasing could backfire on you). Her worries about them are still present too, but for different reasons than in step 1. Even 4 years later, Athena still retrieve Qiu's lost papers because they would NOT do it themselves. No matter what, Autumn remains her dear friend and the feeling is mutual.

Tamarack, aka "Tam", is her best friend! ... and the girl she has a crush on, Athena realized it now. Athena doesn't know if Tam feels the same way or not, though. Athena still thinks Tamarack is the most amazing and most talented person out there, she wishes Tam could see it too. She's highly worried about Tamarack potentially leaving Golden Grove at any moment but she tries to hide it from Tamarack. "Tam probably has enough of people walking on eggshells with her", she thinks. Athena dislikes Tamarack's parents for not only never being there for their daughter but also for making her situation so uncertain, only for their own interests (in her eyes).

Another feeling started to grow: jealousy. Athena will feel jealous of anyone who seems a bit too close to Tamarack. Does she think she's no match for Tamarack? Yes. Does that stop her from being jealous? No. She knows she has no right to be, Tamarack is a wonderful girl, it's impossible not to like her, but she can't help it.

Athena grew to be even more bothered by her lack of resemblance with her mother. Some times before turning 14, she started to dye her hair cranberry, just like her mom's hair color (let's say Opal didn't really like to see that her daughter started dyeing her hair at her young age, reaction Athena didn't appreciate, all she wanted was to look like her mom, what's the problem?). Ironically, while Athena wishes so hard to look like her mom, her relationship with her became somewhat strained. As if resembling a completely unknown guy wasn't enough. Living his best life nowhere to be found, uh? Resentment is the word here. Never towards her mom, even if their relationship is not that good at this point, but towards this guy who gave her his physical traits she never wanted and started to despise.

At least she became used to live in Golden Grove.

Step 3 -

At 18, Athena is not the rough troublemaker that she was at 14 anymore. Now she's more like a silly prankster, seemingly always up to something more stupid than before, although she remains reckless and blunt (but less on purpose and more out of habit). Of course, her interest in visual arts remained intact. Her liking for creepy stuff turned into a huge love for horror and its aesthetic.

Her relationship with her mom is getting better than it was 4 years ago. Athena grew out of the resentment she had for her "dad" during step 2 and learned to accept she may not look that much like her mom, but that it doesn't cancel the fact she's Opal's daughter no matter how she looks. Plus "some bits of [Opal] did end up in [her]" after all, right?

Athena's relationship with Autumn is what you could describe as "siblings by hearts", Athena does consider them as the sibling she never had.

Athena and Tamarack are still officially "besties for life", but little do they know that they both ended up falling in love with each other, plain and simple.

Her jealousy and resentment did tone down, but when she thinks back to her 14-year-old self, she feels bad, so bad. For being jealous of Tamarack's friends, for being resentful of a random donor and basically making many things about herself. "Man, I was such a prick. And for what?".

If when she was 14, Athena felt like she was no match for Tamarack because she put Tam on a pedestal, at 18, she now thinks she's simply not good enough as a person for Tamarack. She kind of "accepted" that if Tamarack only wants to be friends, then it's fine, she cannot force Tam to love her back. It's silly to think someone like her could be extra-special in Tam's heart anyway (girl if you knew.), it's nice enough to be her best friend.

Between step 2 and 3, Athena managed to put a label on herself: she's lesbian.

[normalbrothers]

Omg my discord server has discussed that exact “facilitating sexual violence” thread with tommy. Our running theory (literally what we call “The Theory”) is that Arthur Sr facilitated Tommy’s abuse for money, and that’s created a lot of his views on people being investments. The “everyone’s a whore” line and his whole complex about Lizzie’s past (side note, also the way they look suspiciously similar… the mirrors are mirroring) are probably the most obvious examples, but the fears he has about being seen as useless to his family and his tendency to Literally “sell them out” for their continued success read like a monstrous combination of soldier mentality and childhood trauma. On top of that, the other people who (imo) conduct themselves the most like him in the criminal underworld, such as Polly, Michael, Grace, Jack (heavily implied), and Alfie (if you’ve listened to TGOAS) have also all been SA/SH victims. AND, in one way or another, those people betray Tommy— or a stand-in for Tommy —while playing the role of someone who was supposed to protect him/the stand-in. It is sooo!!!! Sorry that was a massive amount of word vomit but I had to yappppp 😫

´mh. the dangers of posting a take that doesn't get into the nuances. i kind of see your point(s), but i think i only agree with half of it, and even then with caveats. looking at a thematic thread is important, because it obviously Says Something, but i think getting into individual situations and what causes them, and the specific motivations that underline them is somewhat more important here, because it Says Something Even More.

this is rather long so i'm putting it under a read more (i hope it's not typo-riddled and that the sentences are legible, i find it awfully diffcult to actually make post on tumblr hdhd somehow the lay out doesn't appeal to my brain)

i haven't seen a lot of meta that actually argues for this, but arthur sr prostituting tommy (though, there are also fics that do the same thing with arthur) seems to be a relatively commonplace trope on ao3 - at least it's more prevalent than, say, arthur sr sexually abusing tommy himself. i can see where this comes from - sr appears like an opportunist who is mostly driven by wanting to make a quick buck for his own gain and who apparently has little emotional attachment to his children - and we have tommy's scathing line about children working for men "in their various ways", clearly implying sexual exploitation, but my personal theory when it comes to tommy and his relationship to his father doesn't exactly involve this (though, to be fair my take on their father is in general a little different than what fandom tends to go for - and, admittedly, i'm sentimental about this, but i don't think it's entirely unfounded either). but both are theories in the end, with an equal amount of "validity"; it's not like the concluding movie will confirm anything in that regard.

however, the problem with this theory, or rather making it the source of tommy's view of the world and the people around him, is that it precedes the war trauma, but the way we are introduced to tommy, how he operates and how we are meant to look at his initial ruthlessness (which is not a permanent state, it dissolves more and more as the show goes on) is the result of that specifically. the tommy before the war is someone that largely remains elusive to us. but we know that most of his family's grievances with him in the first season in particular are about how different (see: inaccessible and emotionally detached) he is since he came back - polly, arthur, their father point this out, all with varying degrees of judgment and condemnation, and much to tommy's dismay: he knows he's different, but unable to change that. it begets an odd feedback loop where he is rejected and simultaneously unable and often unwilling to talk about anything. thus the entire 'tommy doesn't talk to his family, his family (sometimes justifiedly) calls him out on it, but seemingly doesn't actually want to know anything, so tommy says even less' Complex becomes kind of a chicken and egg situation that causes most of their strife. but it's not necessarily a dynamic where one is categorically wrong and the other right. the troubling thing about this, of course, is that he often jumps things on them without briefing them beforehand and this may have the result that someone gets hurt - it's a nasty habit he has, but also something that lessens as the show goes on, but it's ... not exactly coming from nowhere. indeed, his family doesn't listen to or is dismissive of him; they are quite a few instances where they against his orders or don't heed his requests or warnings (a huge point of contention in season 3). important here is also that he doesn't retaliate or punish for this - if he's sometimes displeased and huffy that he isn't given a lot of respect by the people closest to him (as one would respect a traditional patriarch), he does little to and is unable to actually enforce it, nor is he feared by them.

nevertheless, he's still, in a way, regarded as the family's emotional center (next to polly), and despite everything, is still entrusted to look after his family members, my assumption is that he had a sort of caretaker function before the war without being considered the head of the family (it's important to point out that he takes over in s1, in his late twenties, instead arthur (early thirties) is introduced to us as the head of the family, the script itself goes as far as calling him a 'king': and he still tries to act with authority towards tommy in the beginning, which makes me think that this is something that *did* work once upon a time (actually, you can still see glimpses of this throughout the show), but doesn't anymore: tommy only starts to challenge him at this point, where both of them are well into adulthood) - and what tommy says of himself is that he believed they deserved better and that he used to be impatient and angry at 'slowness'. the notion that he was a romantic and idealist seems plausible to me; in that sense i don't think he was born a businessman, that he was always able to strategize, and use people, with aim for profit - and even then this is not exactly what motivates him in the first place.

so this is evidently not something his father taught him, but rather a trait (the compartmentalization, using people as tools as he himself is a tool) he developed over the course of the war where at some point he served as sergeant major, with men under him that he was responsible for, but also had to command (always in the extremely stressful context that any of them could die, and that any mismanagement or misstep on tommy's part could be the reason for this - *that* is the root of tommy's ruthlessness/emotional "coldness", he has to compartmentalize: his friends and brothers become soldiers he commands, with the traumatic knowledge that he might be sending them to their deaths - that arthur and john survive, also because of him, informs their dynamic once they return. they very much trust him as their leader, that tommy will take care of things and that he knows what he's doing, but without the circumstance of a literal war, they become brothers (human) again and these pre-war relationships and the traumatic distribution of their roles during the war are a source of conflict - it's not just a terrible thing for arthur and john, it also has a bad impact on tommy. something of a side note: while wealth and status and the trappings that come with it are things he enjoys - as does the rest of the family! - his attempts to achieve legitimacy and assimilation have more to do with safety for himself and his family (and he brutally learns that this is not really possible). for example john and arthur - as "bad" as him - enjoy the life, even as they admire tommy for what he seems capable of, they don't really see a point in tommy's plans to go legitimate. both of them would have, likely, been "content" to remain gangsters and rule over their small corner of the world (though, of course, we are privy to arthur's ongoing dilemma of wanting two opposing things and that he buckles under his own guilt, as tommy does) - that is not a safer way of living, however. sooner or later someone like campbell would have shown up anyway, and any of them could have still been gunned down in a turf war or have been arrested and eventually faced legal punishment for their crimes. this is not a position that tommy put them in, but of course, through tommy, they face problems on a larger scale - but the entire family wouldn't have been safer either way - this is an incredibly important point - poor and marginalized and criminalized and criminal as they are.

so, my very longwinded first point here is that tommy's behaviour, as it starts out in the show and how we see it transform over the course of it, is not something his father taught him. i also think it's a mistake framing tommy as acting like his father in any way (their motivations and ambitions and personalities are almost completely diametrically opposed) - this isn't really something that the show makes a point of, and he is certainly not replicating something, according to this theory, that his father subjected him to with his family members. mostly he structures the business militaristically, with him as a commanding officer - that business and family are the same thing, in a sense, and that it doesn't work as neatly as it should in theory is big ongoing problem for all of them.

okay, now coming to the actual point around the subject of 'facilitating sexual violence'.

for this i actually have to make another point that i haven't gotten into yet, but something that is important about tommy is that he starts out with a very rigid "them vs us" mindset (@deadendtracks pointed out that this also is a result of the shelbys being particularly marginalized as romani/travelling people, even among their equally poor working class peers) - he actually makes a sharp distinction between family and not-family. it's a fairly fascist rationale and it's not an accident that once he enters politics, and comes up against mosley, he starts to expand his scope (though it is incomplete as of yet), to care for more than just his family's safety and success. non-family people are those he tends to use or exploit, often with little consideration or guilt (or the guilt is compartmentalized: there is a reason he sees the pile of anonymous dead bodies in his bathroom when he has the seizure in s6), those are who he sees as investments and who he would "sell out" if it benefits him and the family. this is not true for his family members, actually. my guess is that fandom conflates these two things, because there seems to be a lasting misunderstanding of what happened in s3 with the arrests - which didn't happen, because tommy "sold them out", but as a consequence of things tommy had a limited amount of control over (i'm not at all suggesting that tommy is blameless here, but it's a little more complex than that). and this actually starts in s2, after his mock execution (a form of torture) he is told that churchill/the government will make use of him when the time comes, the events of s3 are predicated upon this (actually the entirety of s1 and s2 are the building blocks for the s3 arc and fallout (tommy being arguably hubristic in the beginning plays a minor, rather than a major, part)): under the threat of his family being executed, they are coerced into the russian plot - this is not something tommy chose to do. what he does is demand payment for it, however, but you can see a logic in this: if he gets fucked, they should at least compensate him. (this is an aspect of tommy's "everyone's a whore" thesis as well). tommy repeatedly warns and cautions is family over the season: it's absolutely not in his interest that any of them get arrested, or that he "sells them out" or that he sacrifices them (i could also get into the fact that even if one makes the point that he doesn't care for his family beyond seeing their utility, sacrificing them would be dumb, economically, because tommy knows he can't do things on his own, he has to delegate, and willingly sacrificing people profoundly loyal to him through familial and love relations for some middle-term goal, that might not work out at all, is ... a silly thing to do - who could he possibly replace them with?)

i somewhat understand that the initial perception would be that tommy is capable of this, tommy is possibly somewhat opaque in the beginning - but it never actually happens in the show, certainly not in the way people talk about it, and at some point i think the distinction (family and not-family) tommy makes should become clear to the audience - because it's a thematic element that underlines tommy's arc from s1 to s6. i also think you have to make a difference between arthur and john as soldiers/gangsters and polly and ada (and finn) who are "civilians". they are all part of a criminal organization, voluntarily as far as it goes (ada, of course, makes a point of distancing herself from the family at first, which tommy doesn't really fight her on). john and arthur are soldiers like tommy, and they make up the "illegal" musclework of their business efforts; beyond the moral injury around killing (sustained in the war), they are also aware that what they do could end badly for them: they are not blue-eyed about it, and they agreed to this. it's not forced upon them by tommy, setting aside that tommy himself gets his hands dirty; he does not treat them as disposable goons who do all the bloody work while tommy sits back and keeps his hands clean. (tommy does have goons he doesn't care about, though). he is not exploiting his brothers - which is another aspect of "selling them out", i guess. i think that is diminishing the agency they have, and the fact that they act on their own and why they do so and they certainly don't always follow tommy's orders. and then of course, ada and polly (and the wives) are kept out of the line of fire (which tragically doesn't always work), both as women, but also because they don't have the experience of killing/war. finn is an different can of worms, and probably deserves it's own separate meta.

okay! i'm getting to the part about sexual violence. now.

sexual violence - the allusions to past trauma, the constant threat of it and the actual acts we see happen on the show - permeates the narrative fabric of the show. as another smart person once pointed out, it's not a mistake that the show's (powerful) antagonists, simultaneously representatives of institutions (the police, the clergy, the aristocracy) that shape and order society, tend to be perpetrators of sexual violence as well: campbell is a rapist, hughes is an abuser of children and while mosley and mitford are not shown to be either of these things, their depraved sexual predatoriness still stands out.

of course, tommy here, as a "middleman" or medium is a subject worthy of discussion, then, but i also think we have to look at these instances where it happens separately (because they are not the same, despite the connecting thread).

grace and kimber: this might be a subjective impression, but i think what tommy does here is the most calculating (and in that sense the worst if just going by his motivations) out of all these examples. he takes note of kimber's obvious interest in grace and at this point likely already plans to make her part of his deal at the race. a big point here, in fact, is that grace is not only not-family, but she's a complete outsider to small heath/birmingham as well, and tommy very quickly clocks her as an upperclass woman on top. while he doesn't suspect her of being a spy (instead he manufactures his own explanation for her presence that grace cleverly adopts), she's still suspicious to him. initially, while also being attracted to and intrigued by her, tommy sees her as an intruder still at the point of episode 3 (where the race happens). in a way, she means nothing to him here, and given kimber's visible attraction to her, it seems like an easy quick way to let him proceed in his efforts. that he changes his mind - perhaps his conscience kicking in after all, perhaps because he already likes her more than he thought - is important conclusion to all this. he can't go through with it. and this is the beginning of the show where i think he's still reeling from the war, in that sense is the most ruthless/shut off (barring s4 where he's deeply cynical and depressed), and simultaneously on a high, because things are generally going well for him and the family (besides campbell's pesky presence).

lizzie and the marshall: it's somewhat important to note tommy genuinely didn't want to her to get hurt - that he needed her to lure the marshall away, but not to actually engage in sexual activity, is true. and tommy acts on short notice - he's desperate to get the assassination done while fearing that at the end of it he will be executed (he doesn't get out of the situation through any scheme of his, but rather is "spared", but of course, that he's spared only means is continued exploitation by the government). all of that is pretty worthless to lizzie, to be sure, who gets assaulted anyway, and none of that would have happened if tommy hadn't wasted time to brag to campbell that grace loves him. this disregard, though not exactly cruelty, towards lizzie (instead of ensuring her safety, he opts to talk about the woman he's in love with) constitutes a tragic element of their relationship. he doesn't hate her, nor do i really think he as a "complex" around her being a prostitute, but he tends to spare her little thought, and this is certainly influenced by her class (and sex) most of all. connected to this is also a mindset that "she can take it", and in that way tommy does relate to her, because he can as well, but of course, it's not the same either; their relationship doesn't start out as a very equal one, and on top of this, lizzie is not-family as well. here it's important to note that this is not a fixed, but something that changes: he very much starts to see her as part of the family and which brings me to another point that underscores tommy's family/not-family delineation. in s5, mosley basically asks him to hand lizzie over - given what tommy's trying to do, complying with mosley's request would actually make things easier for him, but he very brusquely (and remarkably so, because tommy is afraid of this man and never really finds himself capable of saying 'no' to other things) tells him off, and eventually gives lizzie room to reject him herself.

arthur and tatiana: while i included them in my post, i think it's a bit different than these other two situations - not because arthur's violation here isn't awful, or to suggest the sentiment that women can't sexually assault men, but this is the contemporary assumption and it would be anachronistic for any of these characters to actually think along these lines. tommy knows that his brothers are going to have to strip in front of izabella and tatiana, and characteristically only tells them of it last minute; arthur is unwilling, but "obeys" in the end. at first, tommy's visibly amused by it - part of this is petty revenge, because both john and arthur prior made fun of him for "working" with tatiana - but when she goes too far and starts to molest arthur, tommy's entire demeanor shifts; he grows horrified and dissociates. tommy couldn't have predicted that the situation would get out of hand, but he did wrong by arthur to not try and tell him earlier (then again, this is all under the big context that tommy doesn't actually want to be there either (and all this in the aftermath of his assault and hughes breathing down his neck) and arthur himself has shown to be somewhat fickle and unreliable throughout the season so far; he doesn't want to take any risks here, but of course, that doesn't entirely justify it either).

another sidenote: arthur and sacrifice is also an interesting subject, because i know the fandom has a tendency to assign a vast power imbalance between tommy and arthur, where tommy has all the leverage, and poor, loyal, traumatized arthur has no choice but to obey his brother. arthur is expendable to tommy, arthur is too good-natured and naive to see it. this is non-sense, of course, but it seems like no amount of meta or attempts to even the scales here will ever change this misconception. i won't get into it too much right now, but what i'm going to get at - and this is actual an important aspect when it comes to this sexual violence continuum and tommy as "middleman" theme in the show - is arthur and linda. arthur's behaviour towards linda escalates into abuse from season 4 onward and while not explicit, it seems to be that part of this abuse is also sexual in nature (linda tries to appease arthur with sex in s4, he kisses her against her will and to her palpable fear and disgust while grabbing her throat in s5, and in s6 linda makes "not sleeping with arthur" a part of her deal with tommy, it's an attempt to insure herself as she accepts tommy's request to help him) - tommy likely doesn't know this, but he does enable arthur's abuse of her. mind you, "enabling" doesn't make him the culprit or the instigator, that is all arthur. while linda is technically family as well, there is a hierarchy at play, and her imposed role is that of arthur's caretaker, if linda leaves, so tommy fears, arthur might spin out of control and self-destruct (or go destructive on others). it's not only that he worries arthur can't be of use to him anymore, he genuinely cares for and loves him, and if it means he has to stuff linda into the meatgrinder he'll do it. the decision tommy makes when relaying the information of linda's whereabouts is not one he makes gladly - he's fiddling with his cyanide capsule during the conversation - but it's triage between arthur and linda/her friend (it doesn't help that arthur insistently and aggressively threatens tommy over the phone while using textbook abuser talk concerning linda ("i just want to talk")). he makes the choice and gives arthur the information, knowing that arthur will likely do as arthur does. it's another instance that illustrates tommy's family vs not-family mindset (or more intricately, that there's also a hierarchy within his family). i'm also bringing this up, because through arthur's threats he also makes use of tommy - tommy tries to bargain with arthur and arthur steamrolls tommy (it's not an accident that this conversation is sandwiched between tommy and lizzie's deal and his attempts at making a deal with mosley, who similarly steamrolls him ("it's not going to be that kind of relationship"),

now having written all that down, my tentative conclusion is a) tommy has a habit of sacrificing people, but those are not his family members and b) the middleman theme is important, but a lot of this ruthlessness has to do with his experience in the war rather than something he strictly learned in his childhood (at the hands of his father) c) the aspect of sexual violence - and sexual violence as an ongoing theme in the show - factors into this and tommy, around whom this theme is constructed, is not free of guilt here, but that he is not the perpetrator is an important qualitative distinction. there are also other points i made, but my brain is about to explode lol

i'm trying to keep the last part short re: characters people who conduct themselves like tommy. using experience of sexual violence as the lowest common denominator doesn't actually translate into a lot of shared behaviour among these characters in my eyes. polly shares tommy's sense of familial responsibility and has vested interest in their success and safety, but she doesn't operate the way tommy (and arthur and john) does, because she's lacking the war experience. michael's big tragedy is that he never comes home - he remains alienated within the family, due to the traumatic events of his adoption, but another part of this is also that, despite this, he was afforded a relatively privileged middle class upbringing with access to a good formal education. he doesn't understand the criminal world the way tommy and the rest of the family do (he's also a little audacious about it all) grace is a true believer in her cause - she is an agent of the crown and therefore someone who furthers the interests of her class. the law is on her side, that makes her the opposite of a criminal (of course, the thesis of the show is the hypocrisy of legitimacy: what's the difference between an upperclass person/aristocrat who sits on generational wealth and power, achieved through the subjugation of an impoverished and marginalized majority and colonialism, and the shelbys who commit violence in a very direct way in order to move up in the world, but the effects of their violence are on a much smaller scale and in the beginning not structural (that the peaky blinders become a sort of institution by the end of the show is Another point)) nelson ... is tommy if tommy was completely amoral and apolitical: he's the perfect business man in that sense and they may have a shared understanding of where they come from, but the trajectory of these people is vastly differently (nelson is probably an amalgation of both arthur and tommy's worst potential, he could be tommy if tommy was, as i said, actually amoral and apolitical and he has perfected, with his lack of conscience and guilt, arthur's sadistic streak) alfie also doesn't really operate like tommy in my eyes, and i think this is mostly due to him possessing no familial ties (i mean, he seems to have a family, but there's in implication of closeness, the mother he mentions is dead, if i remember correctly). it's fascinating to me that he attaches himself to tommy the way he does, to the point of wanting tommy to euthanize him.

all these characters have somewhat different motivations, philosophies and experiences - it makes the commonalities they share interesting, but i think little of it is actually built on experience of sexual abuse, especially as it seems that this is, amongst other things, what makes their points of view so varying.

as i've said, i can see your points, but my feelings are that a lot of it is being conflated and that it requires more nuance when looking at these details. working out the themes of something - which a story is built on - doesn't quite make up for looking what this concretely means or how exactly it plays out/what actually happens

[bylertruther]

sometimes i think about this one post that someone made where they said that everyone treats will in a special manner because he's a sensitive kid and that's why mike treats him differently, but it's just like... i mean. yeah. you're right lol. everyone does treat him differently precisely because of his sensitive and meek nature, but the person they're specifically thinking of is lucas.

lucas has a will voice and he certainly doesn't treat will like he does dustin or mike, BUT the difference between lucas and mike is that lucas never once treats will the way he treats max. he has never been written into a situation where dustin tells max that lucas is going to X, Y, and Z for her in no time, only to then cut to lucas going and immediately doing X, Y, and Z for will while max is somewhere waiting on him to finally figure out how to talk to her like a human being. max never once gets jealous of will or gets left behind for / switches places with will either. lucas treats will sweetly in an entirely platonic manner and he always has.

meanwhile, mike treats will sweetly in a way that other characters on the show–namely lucas and max–expect him to treat el. and the difference is further highlighted by how he does all of the right things for will, but never el, and certainly not without hand-holding explain like i'm five levels of guidance.

despite dating eleven, that treatment is solely reserved specifically for will. he always knows what to say, what to do, what will wants, and he feels comfortable enough with will to do it all with ease. and when he doesn't know, he still feels safe enough to work and talk through it with him rather than retreating to someone else and dishing all their problems to them instead of him.

none of that EVER happens between will and lucas or will and dustin. ever! they treat him differently, but not in a way that's similar to how they treat their girlfriends or are expected to treat their girlfriends.

like. there just really is no other relationship in the party that is written like mike and will's lol. lucas was willing to go to the gate himself to find will all on his own, proving that he most definitely loves will an extraordinary amount, but i feel like there's a CLEAR distinction made between all of those friendships which highlights which are platonic and which are not.

will was upset with both lucas and mike in season three, but there's a Reason he mostly blew up at mike and proceeded to go to castle byers after and tear a picture of them right down the middle while memories that start and end with mike's voice play in the background, and it's not just because will likes him.

will's behaviors have remained consistent and admiringly Normal, even with his larger than life feelings for mike, but mike's are always changing and clearly indicative of him struggling with Something that he's yet to tell anyone about in full. it's mike who couldn't juggle being with el and being friends with will at the same time. can the same be said for will and lucas? or will and dustin? obviously not.

[tossball-stick]

i dont have a name for this au beyond "the gang survives au." im really bad with names. sorry

this is mostly gonna be a first draft ramble, specifically about kieran. most of this is subject to change at any time.

second disclaimer: this is also a really self indulgent au haha. im mostly listening to my pussy while writing this whole au. im doing stuff that appeals solely to me. it might not make the most sense to you, but there is an easy explanation for every decision i make, writing wise. just ask and i can explain things!!

hiiii im here to ramble about kierans role in my the gang survives au!! i will explain the premise and also get to rambling below the cut. have fun :)

this post covers only her happier, sweeter ending, as i realized while writing that this alone is so fucking much to read haha. part 2 will be linked here once its out.

tagging my kieran enjoyer army: @verdemoun @bakedcrossaintt (? lmk if thats the right tag) (ask to be tagged!!)

Some of these explainations are simple. Sometimes, it's as simple as making the bullet graze the area rather than pierce. Sometimes, I've been thinking for so long and have still been stuck. Sometimes I just change the way the dynamics work out.

Hiii okay so! Basically, the idea with this AU is that the entire gang does live, but the VDL gang crumbles all the same regardless. Yes. Everyone lives. I have been brainstorming for weeks to try and figure out ways the dead members can still go through the events of canon while living.

This, of course, means the final standoff is a lot more tense, and has a lot more peoples emotions involved, and this also means everyone lives until the events of RDR1!

This is not a good thing.

Many of the gang members find themselves stuck in the cycle of poverty, abuse, and violence still, by 1911. Not everyone is as fortunate as John, Abigail, and Jack Marston, or the Reverend, or Tilly. Not everyone wants the same redemption as John, either.

Due to this, John must hunt down all of his family. All of it. At least, those the law and public recognize as members of the gang.

Perhaps the cracks of the gang being destabilized started when John first left. Perhaps he can also push the gang back together for one last hoorah.

Obviously, Kieran still lets Jack out of her sight, he still gets kidnapped, they still bring him back for his party, and she still gets drunk, and nobody notices her initially wander off. This all remains the same.

As for Kieran herself, and her death, I've actually thrown together a couple ways I'd be happy with her story concluding. Unfortunately, I cannot decide which I like better! So, I decided to pull a Dutch, and make Arthur (the player) be able to decide her fate. As with most things in the game, the choices will give Arthur an honor loss, or boost! They both have the same setup, however.

Where I start changing the story, however, is that people do eventually notice her disappearance. Due to her slowly being welcomed into the gang, and very clearly forming some actual bonds and relationships, people do start to search her out. Bill, Mary-Beth, and Sean all begin to worry about her location some time into the party.

It begins by Bill being shamed or outcast in some way. He goes to bug Kieran about it, though struggles to find her anywhere nearby. He awkwardly shuffles to Mary-Beth, knowing the slight romance thats bloomed between her and Kieran, asking if she's seen the guy around. The concern begins to mount when she says, "I thought he was with you," and her brows begin to worry.

This is where Sean butts in. He's been recovering from a head wound, don't worry about it, so his role during the party has mostly been that of an observing drinker. He points out that he saw Kieran drunkenly wander towards the woods, though she disappeared from his sight behind the manor. "I just figured he went to piss! Honest! He has been gone... a long time, though."

By this point, Bill has had enough. He marches up to Dutch and explains the situation, how Kieran is gone in the woods and he knows there are O'Driscolls in those woods, Kieran has been acting paranoid about getting captured by her old gang nearly this whole time, and things are going more and more downhill for the gang. Bill is loud. He always pulls attention to himself.

Dutch responds by dismissing the worries— Kieran is strong, she can handle herself. She went and saved Arthur's life, after all. Sean said she only went to take a leak, right? Why are you, Bill, trying to ruin Jack's party? How could you be so heartless as to make everything about you? A young boy has been saved, you should be celebrating.

I am certain Kieran's loyalty would mean nothing to Dutch by now. He's simply too blinded by the blood fued between his and Colm's gang. Dutch van der Linde is, also, not an idiot. As much as I call him stupid, I doubt he even believes Kieran's insistence that she didn't run with Colm long, or didn't care for him. Dutch knows Colm. He knows the grip Colm has over his flock, the same Dutch has over his own. He believes that, one way or another, Kieran would remain an O'Driscoll, unless he gets to kill Colm himself.

Bill struggles to articulate himself— Why he's worried, why he thinks that they need to be heading out there now, that he's got this awful feeling in his gut, and some people are starting to get worried. Dutch shushes this all, spinning the dialogue in circles and attempting to get Bill to dismiss his own worries as well. If she hasn't come back by now, and there are O'Driscolls in the woods, she probably ran off with them. Use your head, Williamson.

Dutch let Kieran in initially because of his whole "feed people as need feeding" speech to her. He can't go back on that word at first, when people would bring it up. By Jack's party, I doubt anyone even really remembers it but Kieran. There is no reason to keep her around, to keep up those optics, in Dutch's eyes. She has barely been pulling in money and all she does is tend to the horses and take up more resources, no matter how little. Not many people in the gang like her even if they are warming up to her.

Bill, understandably, gets frustrated with this. Gives up, says he ain't even enjoying the party anyway. He's gonna go look for Kieran. Sean and Mary-Beth cannot follow him. Dutch invites Bill to, "be his guest."

This is where player choice is involved. This entire interaction is missable, if you want to miss it. Regardless of Arthur's involvement, Bill will go to the woods to look for Kieran.

Let's start with Arthur being there, and seeing all of this go down.

Bill will then turn to Arthur, a desperate and pleading expression on his face. "Morgan, he saved your life," Bill begs. "You at least owe it to look for him, right?"

And let's have Arthur say yes. Yes, fine, he will help Bill go look for that damned Kieran, O'Driscoll or not. With a decent sized honor boost, they mount up and head out.

Bill eventually finds a trail of footsteps in the mud, following it along with Arthur. Arthur will express his doubts to Bill, but Bill will simply brush them off or ignore them. The footsteps eventually fade into hoofsteps. This is all until there is an abruptly cut off scream from the distance, and Arthur and Bill are racing off.

By the time Kieran is found, she's tied and blindfolded on the back of an O'Driscoll's horse, much the same as you find her atop the back of Arthur's to start. She has already been roughed up, and is only letting out broken sobs by this point.

There are two O'Driscolls, and once Bill calls out to Kieran, it all culminates in a chase through the woods. Hope Arthur brought a horse that handles turns well!

Kieran's struggle quickly grows with the announcement of her saviors, though she is quickly beaten over the head for causing more of a commotion. She is not left unconscious, though she does grow silent besides sobs once more.

Eventually, the chase will burst through into somewhere more open, allowing an easy and clear shot on both O'Driscolls that Arthur and Bill both take. Bill misses, and Arthur must do a little deadeye QTE to keep the O'Driscoll from pulling his revolver and shooting Kieran in the head.

The gunshot startles the horse and Kieran falls. Bill is scrambling to help untie her and get her on her feet. Between broken cries, she's desperately thanking Bill and Arthur, trying to pull herself together from hysteric sobs. She can't stop talking about how terrified she was of what Colm would do to her, only making it all the more clear that her and Colm have more between them than she wants to admit. That they would likely tie her up, starve her, do all the most awful torture methods to her, she's seen how Colm treats men that aren't his kin anymore, and she's heard the way he spoke about Dutch and his gang. This is all too familiar to Arthur.

The ride back is condensed to a cutscene of Bill proudly riding back with Kieran on Brown Jack with him, Arthur following along. Kieran is welcomed back and tended to, Mary-Beth and Karen taking her. She escaped with only some minor head trauma, a couple cigarette burns on her neck, some awful ropeburn, and some body-wide bruises.

From here on out, she is clinging to Mary-Beth, indulging her desire to settle somewhere some day. The violence and constant kidnappings have begun to wear on her, not to mention Bill telling her Dutch's aversion to go look for her, and the lack of concern from half of the camp still, bundled with the growing guilt of letting Jack escape her sight originally... She decides she just wants anything but this.

When Guarma happens, she stays behind. Despite how Dutch seems insistent to have all hands on deck, she refuses to go, demanding why she should do anything for a gang that likes to pretend it's a family, but is the same as all the others she's been in. Dutch's gaze simple hardens into a glare and he says that they will talk about this once he is back. If Kieran does not wish to go, fine.

While the rest of the working men are gone, she is confiding in Mary-Beth more and more. They continued to get pushed closer from the stress of everything, from the constant worry, from having to pull up their bootstraps. She's quite the hand around the camp when Dutch isnt around, and she continues to prove herself to those who ever doubted her. She also grows closer to Sean, who Lenny urged to stay behind as well, to continue recovering.

By the time the boys are back in town, Kieran is well respected, and has pulled herself together to take care of the people Dutch had left behind. She stands up to him, despite being sympathetic to the struggles they all went through.

She does not involve herself in Colm's death, I don't think. I want to believe her and Sadie fight about it even— Sadie demanding to know what reason she has to not want Colm dead.

Of course Kieran feels bitter about her treatment from Colm. Of course Kieran despises the awful things he has done. Kieran also recognizes that she will never climb out of the cycle of violence she's found herself in, should she continue it. She has no druve to keep the violence going. Even survival seems like a pathetic excuse for it, to her.

This only solidifies her backstabbing nature to those who don't trust her.

By the time the caravan of deserters leaves, she's right there with them, clinging to Mary-Beth still.

Kieran thanks Arthur for everything he's done for her. Even if her life hasn't been perfect with them, and has been a lot more good than bad, she's grateful to him for breaking her from being trapped in the tide. She understands why he stays, and does not make an effort to convince him to leave. She knows the kind of hold Dutch has on him, still.

By the epilogue, she's near impossible to find. Though, there's word that Mary-Beth's got an assistant, who seems a little too old for her position. The assistant never says a word to anyone, though she certainly seems a little too familiar.

And that's her happy ending :)

[amiryllisthorn]

I kinda want to talk about this idiot for a bit. I obviously dont want to talk about Valkyra’s character toooooooooo much since a lot of what is up with her tm is a big part of the game’s narrative, but theres a bit of a different aspect I wanted to talk about.

Valkyra lisiri was a character that was really just an awfully written character. She was this too cool for school didnt need any friends hyper competent soldier who was actually written as a bit of a villain. One who would rather defend the status quo rather than actually try to change anything. It was edgy and over the top and just bleh.

So how did she become the main character in the game I am most focused on? Well what ended up happening is I had a lot of ideas for games at the time, and threw this one together as a bit of a throwaway project with these characters as that I didnt really care for anymore and the idea was to make something short and move on as a bit of a prequel to the thing I actually wanted to work on.

(this sprite is two years old now! but you can see that the general look is still similar)

Well that clearly didnt happen, because the more I worked on this short throw away project the more I thought about what I could actually do with these characters. What I could do to make this setting more mine and not just rip off of sci fi series I liked. And as I wrote more and more the more things changed and were altered  to the point where any of it is barely recognizable anymore-and I love that so MUCH! 

It was no longer a prelude for another game I was working on or this half assed setting but has become something that I am incredibly passionate about! I told my self that I would try to focus on smaller projects but I cant keep myself away from this thing and these characters.

(o7 mech game concept we hardly knew ye-the concept was being on the run as a mech mechanic for a mercenary company where the gameplay revolved around fixing mechs)

While work is going much slower than I would like, due to mostly personal reasons, I really am proud with how things are really starting to come together for this project. I didnt really start focusing actual attention on it till probably the past year or so.

I think part of why this project means so much to me, is that it has taken something from a part of my past self that I dont really like, and made it into I think something far more interesting, far more fun, more technically impressive, and just so much gayer. And these once throwaway characters of little regards, have really become the core focus of the project.

Valkyra  Lisiri went from this heartless action hero who could do anything, to a much more general person, struggling through life and trying her best, and often her best was not enough. Those actions of course having their own painful consequences, that shaped her into the character she now is.

Siane Vokir went from this really bitchy agent of the state to someone who at the drop of a hat gives up everything to fight fascism, someone who now has trouble dealing with her past and people in general, and just so many layers to her character.

The game has been so thoroughly ship of theseus’d that all that really remains of the first like year of work is just some characters  have the same name and maybe a similar appearance, and that is just a fascinating and exciting thing to work with!

(the very first concept drawn up for the game. You can also see the original design for siane)

Anyways this post has gotten a little bit all over the place, but I guess I wanted to share some of this project’s history. I dont talk about the actual details as much as I should whenever I post stuff, because I have a pretty hard time with a lot of this stuff sometimes! I wanted to make posts talking more about the setting and the characters but that kinda got uh forgotten.... well maybe I will get back to that at some point.

if you made it down this far thanks for reading! I really do want to talk about all of these things more, and have been working at it. Maybe ill try to do a weekly post talking about game stuff but no promises, my brain is bad so Ill just leave you with these two nerds.

[the-plot-blog-thing]

For Fun: Here's My Favorite Disney Songs That Were Deleted/Changed In The Final Film (Part 1)

Hi, I'm The Plot MacGuffin. If you know me, you know I'm a massive fucking Disney nerd. And because I'm never satisfied, I often go searching for Disney rarities and behind the scenes stuff whenever I can. And fortunately, since Disney never throws anything away, sometimes demos or full recordings of deleted songs from their films slip through the cracks. (occasionally with visuals to accompany them). This list will take a look at some of my personal favorite songs, or just the ones I find interesting.

Of course, probably the first and most famous deleted song is the "Soup" sequence from Snow White. It had already been mostly animated before being deleted. They apparently still tried to find places to use it, even reuse it in another movie down the line, but then never did.

The "Clair De Lune" sequence from Fantasia was fully animated and scored, but ended up being cut for time. The animation was reused for the "Blue Bayou" segment of the later film Make Mine Music. Eventually, it was restored to Fantasia in the 90s, but current versions just list it as an extra feature.

Alice in Wonderland was in and out of development a bunch of times, and songs and plot points were introduced and cut like crazy. A more dedicated Jabberwocky sequence and a song for the Cheshire Cat were cut. They explore both in this short documentary below.

The songs in The Jungle Book were originally meant to be written by Terry Gilkyson. However, he wanted it to be closer to the tone of the original novel, which Walt Disney wanted to move away from. The Sherman Brothers were then brought on to write the new songs for the movie, but the one song Gilkyson wrote that remains in the final film is funnily enough, "The Bare Necessities". Gilkyson's other songs were a bit of a slog, but that one obviously stood out. The original version below was certainly well...something. (Sung here in this demo by Thurl Ravenscroft of "Tony the Tiger" and "You're a Mean One, Mr. Grinch" fame)

"The Chimpanzoo" was meant for Mary Poppins. It tells an...interesting story, but was probably wisely cut. I think the Sherman Brothers may have tried to reuse it in Bedknobs and Broomsticks, but I could be wrong there.

Onto the Disney Renaissance, Ursula's song was originally more of a tango. Composer Alan Menken released this demo for "Silence is Golden"

Both "Fathoms Below" and "Poor Unfortunate Souls" also had whole lyrics cut from the final film that explain more of the characters and their relationships

The most famous deleted song from Beauty and the Beast is "Human Again". The song shows Belle and the Beast's relationship progressing as the objects get excited to be saved from the curse. The song is sweet, but its original version was meant to be almost 9 minutes long. It just raised too many questions over how long Belle was in the castle, and where Maurice and Gaston were as it seemed a full year passed. It was replaced by the much more compact "Something There" in the final movie.

However, the song was later reused in the Broadway version to help pad the show, and was later reanimated and voiced into the original movie (albeit abridged) for the IMAX special edition. Most current HD versions edit this out however. I like the song, but "Something There" basically covers the same info much more efficiently.

To Be Continued In Part 2!

[greatideas-badwriter]

SasuSaku: Sacrificed To The Banished Prince Ch. 21

For the first time, Sakura didn’t shy away when Akuma pulled her into his arms. Instead, she accepted the embrace because it was the first time she was entirely sure his intentions were pure. The reason he held her so close under the covers was because he yearned for comfort. Without speaking, he seemed to have finally realized he was doomed to be returned to Purgatory while she would soon be dead. A strange sense of comradery overshadowed Sakura’s usual bashfulness as she soothingly rubbed his back, under the odd, fleshy wings. 

‘Sometime in the near future, both of us will cease to exist in this realm. The three of us will be separated until the end of time.’ 

Sakura was sad. It was bittersweet to admit she wished the prince had been successful in finding an alternative method of removing Akuma. 

She’d experienced terrible things since becoming his fiancee, yes, but she’d also experienced kindness and comfort beyond her wildest dreams. It was as though the woman was a child before meeting Sasuke Uchiha. Now, her eyes were open to reality, no matter how brutal. And she preferred this life to the poor excuse for one she’d led back home with the Harunos, pain, trauma, and all. 

Inwardly, the woman was in the process of comprehending her impending doom. Before, she agreed to be a sacrifice because she had no will to live. Now, her reasons had changed. No longer would she die for her family’s sake. Sakura would die as a show of loyalty and devotion to her fiance, to the man for whom she’d developed unwavering affection. 

A tiny sound left her chest when Akuma suddenly pulled away. His red eyes weren’t nearly as fiery as usual. He looked over her, hands coming to hold her waist. When he spoke, his voice was almost the same as Sasuke’s since he’d given up trying to appear all-powerful, “That Haruno pig will be dead before us. I swear this to you.” 

The Haruno woman shook her head. She didn’t want to think about Hihara now or ever again. 

“If possible, I’ll lay him at your feet, my flower.” 

Sakura’s face warmed at his new, surprisingly sweet nickname for her, “I don’t want that….” 

He sighed, eyes drifting to her midsection, where his thumbs were gently brushing against her ribcage, “You may be able to heal from these scars, but I won’t allow that rodent to escape with his life. You’re much too passive.” 

“Akuma,” she breathed, frowning when he met her gaze again, “Let’s spend our remaining days enjoying life rather than focusing on the negative.” 

‘He’s spent his entire time on Earth scheming and planning, worrying if he’ll be a prisoner stuck in Sasuke’s body for eternity. Since I’m the one sending him to a place he obviously wishes to avoid, the least I can do is try to make the best of his last days.’ 

“What frivolities can I possibly enjoy while the moon is high when all the festivities will occur under the sun?” 

“We can spend time together,” she murmured, searching his face. 

Akuma’s mouth closed, as did his eyes before he took a calming breath and nodded once. His voice was less tense, “If it’ll please you….” 

So, the duo stayed up late. They talked about all kinds of things, mostly what-if scenarios pertaining to the alternate reality where they’d both survive this tragic situation. 

By the time Sakura fell asleep, she felt as though she’d finally gotten a glimpse of the demon’s true personality, and it wasn’t nearly as murderous and scary as one would expect. Akuma wanted to understand humans. He wanted to experience love and happiness because all he’d known until now was pain and loss. The demon wanted the only thing he couldn’t have, and Sakura’s heart ached for him. 

Sakura was awoken by Konan the next morning. She blinked slowly, rubbing her eyes, “...Akuma?” 

“You won’t see the prince until you meet at the altar this evening.” 

The woman tried not to pout. It’d been reassuring to spend time alone with both Sasuke and Akuma. Now that they weren’t around, she was uneasy. 

Ino arrived moments later. She did little to mask her distaste for the blue-haired maid and made an effort to ignore her presence as she assisted Sakura into the bathroom and began preparing a bath, “Today’s the big day! I’ll make sure you look flawless!” 

As excited as Sakura was to marry such a kind and selfless man, she couldn’t focus on anything other than the fear that she’d make a mistake at some point during the wedding. Luckily, Ino and Konan filled the silence with light bickering while they bathed, dried, and began preparing her for the big event. The poor Haruno woman was silent all the while. She was in a panic-induced daze, allowing the people coming and going from the room to do as they pleased to her, whether it be applying makeup, styling her hair, delivering the dress, or any of the hundred other things that needed to be done. 

Time passed in a whirlwind, and then she found herself in an extravagant waiting room with her father as they awaited the cue to walk down the aisle. Only when the baron spoke did Sakura finally snap out of her half-aware state, “Considering the circumstances, you make for a passable bride.” 

“...” 

She didn’t know what to say. It was obvious her father felt as uncomfortable as her. It’d been years since they’d been alone together, after all. 

“Remember what I told you about performing marital duties. The prince seems taken by you, for whatever reason, so you’ll seduce him during the honeymoon and then you’ll convince him to announce the accusations against your brother were falsely made.” 

A soft knock came at the door as the two stared at one another, the elder of the two with a firm glare and the younger with utter disbelief. A butler opened the door with a calm smile, “It is time.” 

Kizashi Haruno cleared his throat as though it’d clear the tension between them, faced his daughter, and carefully pulled her veil over her face, “Let us go, child.” Sakura’s hands shook as he pulled one of them into the crook of his elbow and guided her out of the room to stand at the massive, closed double doors of the chapel. 

Right then, she should’ve been focused on the wedding, but she wasn’t. No, she was appalled at having to be so close to her own father. The trembling didn’t stop, but she did have to bite back a gasp when she came to a realization, ‘After today, I’ll be Sasuke’s family. I’ll be an Uchiha, not a Haruno.’ 

Taking a deep breath, the woman closed her eyes tightly and whispered where only the baron could hear, “I’ll be your puppet no longer, Father. I’m free of the Harunos at last.” 

Kizashi’s eyes widened angrily, and he opened his mouth to retort, only to clamp it closed when the doors slowly opened to reveal what could only be described as a wedding fit for gods and goddesses. 

Elegant piano floated through the air as Sakura made her feet move on auto-pilot. Her eyes were wide, straight ahead, and not seeing much. The veil made everything blurry, not to mention the terrified tears welling in her eyes. Hundreds of people watched from either side of the wide aisle. She could feel their gazes burning into her skin. Her fingers tightened around her flawless bouquet of blue and white roses. 

‘Don’t trip. Stand tall. Just keep walking. Please. Please. Please, don’t embarrass the royal family in front of all these people!’ The panicked thoughts in her head were as loud as bombs, only crescendoing with each step. It felt like they’d never reach the podium with how large the room was, how long the aisle was. Her entire body felt cold as ice, which didn’t help with her case of shivers. 

Then, like the chaotic calm after a destructive storm, a white-gloved hand appeared before her. Her vision came into focus to see Sasuke’s familiar face, and it took her breath away. Kizashi bowed to the prince, then to the king and first prince who sat nearby before taking his seat in one of the frontward pews. 

Sakura couldn’t tear her eyes from her fiance’s as he gently aided her up the steps to the podium, where an extremely old priest stood waiting in magnificent robes of white and silver. When they were stood in their designated place, the ceremony began. 

The priest spoke loudly so that the entire chapel could hear, “Lords and Ladies, we’ve gathered here today to witness a royal marriage blessed by God. As the book says, we shall-” “Sakura.” The woman blinked, not realizing she still hadn’t looked away from her handsome fiance’s face. His whisper is what did it. 

He squeezed her shaking hands in his much larger ones, speaking quietly without moving his mouth much so those watching wouldn’t suspect anything, “You’re safe.” 

She nodded slowly, taking a calming breath and squeezing back, “I-I’m alright, now. I can do this.” 

Warmth met her cheeks, breaking through the ice, when he gently rubbed his thumbs over the backs of her hands, the corner of his lips tugging as though he wanted to smirk or smile, but he held it back. As gentlemanly and reserved as he was, it’d become increasingly obvious to Sakura that he was amused by her bashfulness every so often. She blinked in surprise when Sasuke suddenly released her hands to slowly lift the veil, allowing it to fall like soft snow down her back to rest on the train of her wedding gown. 

‘I didn’t realize how far we are into the ceremony already!’ 

Sasuke’s eyes were wide, surprise clear in their dark depths. For a long moment, neither dared to move. ‘He looks perfect, like a prince in a fairytale.’ Had he always been so handsome? Yes, he had, but it was still hard to look away from such beauty. 

Murmurs began to fill the air from the wedding guests, making the Uchiha man clear his throat and blink. The priest repeated what she’d obviously missed, “Your vows, Your Highness.” 

“Yes, my vows,” the prince confirmed. He cleared his throat again before turning his gaze back onto his bride, the tiniest hint of color meeting his cheeks. There was an unbearable moment of hesitation, obviously him being uncomfortable with such public displays, but he eventually sighed and began speaking, “Lady Sakura, I….” 

She could only watch in awe as the man swallowed nervously before pulling her hands into his once more and closing his eyes, “I was a ghost. I’d hide away, content to be unseen and unheard if it were for the benefit of those around me.” 

Tears welled once more in Sakura’s eyes as she watched the embarrassment fade from his features. Sasuke met her gaze warmly as though forgetting they weren’t alone, “Then, you arrived. You refused to allow me to remain a spectre. You… This quiet, unfamiliar woman made me into a human.” 

If Sakura didn’t know better, she could’ve sworn his eyes were becoming watery, but the man didn’t cry. Instead, he finished his vows with his composure intact, “Of all the professions of affection I could make, I fear I can only manage to say thank you. The rest, I will offer without wordlessly and pray you’ll understand.” 

Sasuke searched Sakura’s gaze, his hands squeezing hers as he repeated more quietly, “Thank you.” 

The woman delicately wiped at a stray tear before reholding the prince’s hand and taking a deep breath. ‘They told me I’d have to write my own vows, and I did, but they seem far too professional compared to how I feel right now.’ 

She took the tiniest step closer to him, searching his face earnestly as the words came to her, and she, too, forgot they were being watched by hundreds of people, “You have given me comfort. You’ve given me care and compassion. You breathed a life into me that I didn’t know was possible.” 

Sasuke’s hands tightened around hers, and she sniffled, feeling another tear overflow. She didn’t let it stop her and continued, “Never have I met a man with such a kind heart. I am proud of you.” She shook her head, leaning into his touch when he gently reached up to wipe at her tears, “Sasuke, I…I cannot wait to see the amazing things you’ll do in this life. If I am sure of two things, it is that I-I am in awe of you and that the world is a better place with you in it.” 

The room became silent before the priest chuckled, “I believe their words are proof enough of their devotion,” he gestured to the couple, “Second Prince Sasuke Uchiha, you may now kiss your bride and welcome her into the royal family as First Princess Sakura Uchiha.” 

‘The kiss! I forced myself not to think about it, but there’s no more time!’ 

Sakura couldn’t panic for more than a moment before warm lips were pressed to hers. Sasuke’s hand cupped her cheek, the other slipping behind her so he could pull her closer and hold her still. Her hands landed against his chest as she stared wide-eyed at his relaxed face. His eyes were closed. In that moment, the woman let herself be selfish. She closed her eyes and melted into her husband’s affection. 

The crowd erupted with applause, but the new princess only broke out of her love-struck awe when Sasuke ended the kiss. He pulled away, his thumb brushing the corner of her lips as he searched her face. His voice was low and raspy with effort to remain composed, “We’re married.” 

Sakura nodded, breathing heavier than normal with the overwhelming emotions and atmosphere, “I’m…. I’m your wife, Sasuke.” 

This time, the prince didn’t hold back his smirk, “You are my wife.” 

[estbela]

your post abt robul marriage is everything <3 tbh the whole 'marriage proposal' is so interesting to me bc if you look back at the middle ages, Bul with his empires was always the stronger and more successful of the two and Ro probably admired him quite a bit. then fast forward to the 19th century and you have the same guy sending sappy proposals to Ro and going plsplspls marry me!! they <33 (i love your vision for robul pls don't stop talking abt them)

THIS ASK IS EVERYTHING TO ME ANON!!!! Oh god youre so nice!!!!

tbh I didn't think it was that good cause I wrote it at night instead of sleeping while really exhausted and constantly fact checking myself with wikipedia (and I very much suck at alternate history) but thank you!!!!

Exactly!!!! That's one of the things that gets me about robul. Like the different dynamics they've had over the years is so fascinating to think about and you put it perfectly!!! YEAH I do think Ro admired him, but tbh he probably never really told him that, at least not then. I actually think they fell in love during the middle ages, but they were pretty young and things were complicated so they didn't really act on it back then. Also it's important to me that Bul fell first, and Ro fell harder.

And like, they're not really equals, altho I do think that Bul values Ro a lot, as part of his empire and after Ro sort of becomes his own country as Wallachia, as a trusted ally and advisor in a way. While Ro, I don't think he cares that much about stiff like that, the fact that Bul is the more succesful one does bother him in a way? Cause at that point he was already used to empires wanting to control him, his people and his lands, so this caused him to be wary of Bul at first and reluctant to befriend him when they met around the time of the first bulgarian empire but Bul cosntantly seeks him out to be his friend and treats him like an equal when he can.

And then after the fall of the second bulgarian empire it gets interesting, cause now Ro is the one that is stronger, and has managed to not become part of the Ottoman Empire (well, he is a vassal, but in a far better position than Bul) and their dynamic changes!!! I haven't really made up my mind about them during that time exactly, but I do know that sometime during the period they were both part of the Ottoman Empire, more or less, they started dating.

And like. Then in the 19th century they're very different people than who they were as children in the middle ages, and their relationship has changed too, yet also remained almost the same in a way. This time thought, Ro is the one that's kinda stronger and achieved independence first and tbh I wonder if Bul would be insecure about that. And yeah he loves Ro so much!!!! Tbh it kinda scares Ro how much bul loves him, how much he's always loved him. But in a way, their relationship is better and worse bcs of this? Now that theyre kinda equals, he doesn't worry about Bul being like other empires lol, cause he's not an empire anymoreo obvs. While Bul worries about not being enough for Ro, so he probably overdoes it a bit in his proposals and romantic gestures towards Ro. They have their issues obviously but GOD they can be so sweet despite that!!!!

Don't worry I won't ever stop talking about them if I can help it!!! I also plan to write stuff in my hetaverse with them (tho I mostly use Nyo Ro in my hetaverse, their dynamic is basically the same and all HCs I have for Ro also apply to her etc etc)!!! :D

[sillygoofyqueer]

Ideas have been spinning around in my brain for awhile now and you can disregard all of this if you want but I have WAYYYY too many characters with excessively detailed backstories and your little character has been sparking ideas for me. So! I have lore ideas and here they are (these ideas may/may not overlap a little with my own stories but not enough that you can’t do what you want):

I was thinking your oc (the wispy one with the colors n stuff) came to be as a result of the remains of dead gods. Morbid, but it happened a little like a star forming from the dust of other stars. So over time all these remains out in the universe just started coming together and suddenly there’s a whole being! And obviously this being has no idea about anything. It kinda just… is. For a long while at that. It kinda just floats through space while sightseeing the galaxy.

It quickly learns it’s pretty much indestructible but at the same time getting caught in a star’s gravity hurts so not gonna do that again if it can avoid it. It also learns that it can do some pretty weird stuff (not that it knows it’s weird yet) like adjust certain things like light and energy. It can change shape at will too. It’s not all powerful and does need rest after some of these things but for a while it toys with things.

Eventually they fall to a planet. A planet with life. A planet with… other conscious beings apparently! (What we know is earth!) It’s curious but also nervous. So it watches. Mimics other life forms. Learns. It figures out how to read and write and talk both from osmosis and from seeing elders teach younger. This is not limited to humanity either. Anything from certain animals to insects and to an extent, plants!

Once they start feeling confident enough, they try blending in either human society. This… admittedly doesn’t go well. It is clear that they look too different to properly fit in and people tend to either stare or scream.

One thing leads to another and they accidentally get in trouble with what is essentially the supernatural police. After many, MANY long hours things get sorted out and they get brought to some higher tier gods to get informed about… well, everything. It is upon meeting the other gods that they realize, they don’t have a name. So they make one up on the spot. Four.

They end up trial and erroring a lot of things over time (under a lot of supervision) and find they have an inclination towards writing and reading. To discuss with other people and have fun. They also learn that they can suck the dye out of shit and annoy people with that fact. It is very fun and the dye tastes yummy so… (the ability is mostly because they’re made up of the remains of dead gods and that’s what large parts of the universe is made of. Thus, if they focus, they can adjust or even take in that energy for themself)

Once Four really starts understanding how society and stuff functions they try again to fit in with society. And it works! Sure, they have to give the excuse of “cosplay” when their disguise fails a little too hard but whatever. So sometimes they just go to the human realm to mess with people and hang out. For the most part tho, they hang around the heavenly realms and fantasy worlds and send out stories/fanfics using their phone no matter where they are.

(Have I written too much? Absolutely. I hope you enjoyed my oc brainrot tho. Because my brain has not shut up since I started drawing)

(Also amazing job on losing hope, I will be screaming abt it in ur inbox soon, it’s just I’ve felt a little like death warmed over lately)

Sorry, I didn't want this to leave my inbox because then I could look at it constantly and giggle and kick my feet every time I thought of it, like a selfish little monster teehee. I can't believe you like my little sona so much!!! This is all canon to my little character now, you created a whole backstory for them and it makes me sob every time I think about it, you're a sweet little MONSTER, GOD- I am sobbing. Violently. How are you feeling? Are you feeling a little better? Because that's so relatable that's how I'm feeling right now, teehee

[ectonurites]

Since Dark Crisis was a massive critical and financial failure when do you think we can realistically expect a new YJ book (or Teen Titans book staring them)

Okay, I will explain my reasoning under the cut, but my guesstimate would be around 2 years post-Dark Crisis: Young Justice before getting something new featuring them—whether it be Teen Titans or Young Justice though, I could not say.

Now, rather than just pulling a number out of my ass, my immediate response to getting this question was to look at publishing patterns/trends when it came to Young Justice and Teen Titans books.

I was using cover date information from the DC wiki for this, so not the most foolproof/precise data set in the world, but enough to give me a general idea.

The first thing I wanted to look at was, more broadly, what sorts of gaps there were with NO Teen Titans or Young Justice book since those teams came to be.

This is because presently, while we do have a Titans book, we do not have a Teen Titans book. As much as those are obviously related, they do serve/feature characters of different demographics, so I was looking specifically at the things categorized as 'Teen'.

The only exception to this is The New Teen Titans Vol. 2 because the book remains with the same team but switches names to 'The New Titans' partway through—it wasn't a relaunch of the book with an older team though, just a rebrand/name change as the characters had aged. It is still widely considered the same run, so I felt separating it (when we're talking about DC's publishing standpoint) didn't make sense.

ANYWAYS, their run years are as follows:

Teen Titans Vol. 1: 1966-73, 1976-78

The New Teen Titans Vol. 1: 1980-84

The New Teen Titans Vol. 2: 1984-96

Teen Titans Vol. 2: 1996-1998

Teen Titans Vol. 3: 2003-2011

Teen Titans Vol. 4: 2011-2014

Teen Titans Vol. 5: 2014-2016

Teen Titans Vol. 6: 2016-2021

Teen Titans Academy: 2021-2022

As is perhaps evident, the only gaps are between 1974-1975 (hiatus during Teen Titans Vol.1), 1979 (between Teen Titans Vol. 1 & New Teen Titans Vol. 1), and 1999-2002 (between Teen Titans Vol. 1 and Teen Titans Vol. 2).

The largest of those being four years (1999-2002)... but those years are covered by Young Justice's initial run!

The Young Justice runs (in main continuity, not counting tie-ins for the cartoon) are as follows:

Young Justice Vol. 1: 1998-2003

Young Justice Vol. 3: 2019-2021*

Dark Crisis: Young Justice: 2022-2023*

*To reiterate for clarity because I imagine some of you are going 'huh? DC:YJ was 6 issues all in 2022!' I'm using cover dates for consistency with this data—since the final issues of YJ Vol. 3 & DC:YJ each came out late in 2020 and 2022 respectively, their cover dates place them at the start of the next calendar year

So, putting all of that together, that means that ever since DC Comics began publishing Teen Titans books in 1966, the longest period with neither a Teen Titans nor Young Justice book being published was 2 years, between 1974-1975.

However, that doesn't tell the full story to answer your question about when we could expect to see the Young Justice kids again, it's just a helpful gauge about books in their 'teen' character age demographic.

To clairfy: by 'Young Justice' I am (for the sake of answering this question) specifically referring to Tim, Cassie, Bart and Kon since they are the group that moved together between Young Justice and the Teen Titans.

Now, things get a bit tricky trying to quantify 'were they together on a team' at certain points because characters die sometimes for a while (looking at you Kon and Bart), or temporarily leave teams for other assorted reasons—yet even during those periods, they may be plot-relevant to the book/still be associated with it (mostly looking at Kon for that one). Since those are more plot-specific variations but still take the characters into account (rather than just randomly omitting them), I am counting all of the runs in which T/C/B/K were members of the team even if one or more were not there the entire time.

Now, the runs that feature Tim, Cassie, Bart, and Kon are as follows:

Young Justice Vol. 1: 1998-2003

Teen Titans Vol. 3: 2003-2011

Teen Titans Vol. 4: 2011-2014*

Teen Titans Vol. 5: 2014-2016*

Young Justice Vol. 3: 2019-2021

Dark Crisis: Young Justice: 2022-2023

*Obviously, these books take place during the New 52 era, and these are drastically altered versions of the characters—particularly for Kon and Bart because N52 Kon and Bar Torr are entirely separate people. However, when the subject we are discussing is DC's publishing patterns with these characters as IP, these would count as they were the N52/at-the-time equivalents of the characters.

As we can see, the only gap in publishing there is from 2017-2018 (between Teen Titans Vol. 5 and Young Justice Vol. 3). Which, much like the only gap of 'no Teen Titans/YJ book', is 2 years.

Thus, based on these previous patterns of DC's publishing, my guess would be around 2 years post-Dark Crisis: Young Justice before something new with them.

Now, this obviously is not foolproof logic, and DC could easily deviate from this! Comics publishing truly is not the most consistent thing in the world—especially with how nowadays ongoing runs really struggle to last for nearly as long as they used to. I can't predict the future, and I also do not work at DC. Looking at past data is really the only thing someone on the outside can do to try to figure out what may come in the future, so... yeah! That's my guess, and only time will tell.

[apexulansis]

CHARACTER INFO SHEET — ;

TAGGED BY: @dynamoprotocol thank you! always appreciate you tagging me even if i sometimes take forever to do it TAGGING: @vin-robles @solarisgod @swynfyr @skxrbrand / @xaallo @precognitor @ohshadow @endofall / @lobiita @gnarledbite @saintslaughter @rosecrowned / @khalesci

NAME: Vsentis azet Ardaka

NAME MEANING: The Prodigal Hunter, with his birth name meaning Prodigy and his secondary name meaning Hunter

ALIAS(ES): Heratrix, The Lost Prince, Bane of Sigma Rhada 6

ETHNICITY: Zahhanian Rax-Kariian of Clan Yukariksias

PICTURES YOU LIKE BEST OF YOUR CHARACTER: I'll choose pictures I've done because I love every piece others do of him and it would be too hard to pick then.

THREE HEADCANONS YOU'VE NEVER TOLD ANYONE: I've probably told people/posted them in the past but only one or two; here are some Rare(tm) ones I scarcely talk about anyway.

The ear scarification essentially denotes that he's a capable killer. Capable of doing what's best for the 'greater good' (as you could guess, this mostly means 'capable of doing morally reprehensible things'). While these scars are small and easy to miss, it's one of Ardaka's biggest sources of bodily dysphoria and he's considered just cutting off the top half of his remaining ear just to get rid of them. He's almost gone through with it half a dozen times. Kariians are very prideful of their ears, but Ardaka doesn't mind the tatters in his at all largely because those tatters got rid of the part that had the scarification on it. He absolutely hates when people ask about them.

Ardaka has a genetic predisposition for the same kind of mutation Yeskiv was born with — i.e, polycephaly. If he has twins, there's a chance they'll be born with this — either as conjoined twins or as one of them subsuming the other (like Yeskiv). If this happens, it's also pretty likely that Ardaka will become detached from that child (or children) and distance himself. Not because he really wants to, but rather it reminds him so much of his mother that he can't stand it. Additionally, Ardaka also has a chance to mutate an additional mouth in the far future and end up highly resembling Yeskiv himself.

Ardaka is rather indifferent about gender roles and doesn't care to adhere to them, but he does quite like it when his romantic/sexual partners associate him with a particular one, whether it's masculine or feminine. He can't exactly explain why, because he doesn't really get it himself, but he enjoys it nonetheless. Maybe it just makes him feel included.

THREE THINGS YOUR CHARACTER LIKES DOING IN THEIR FREE TIME:

Botany. Sometimes. Not to the extent of someone like Vin per se, but he does like cultivating at least one weird plant. This is sort of a habit he picked up on from Yeskiv. But also because, in the Dominion, caring for a plant was less likely to result in death and anguish than if he were to care for a beast and have it perish later.

Collecting / cleaning up / fixing antiques.

Bone-carving. With the bones from the animals he hunts. He tries not to use the bones from sapients but.... He would be lying if he said he never has before. The bones can be made as trinkets, weapons, jewelry, or just something for decoration.

EIGHT SIX PEOPLE YOUR CHARACTER LIKES/LOVES: Zovariy, Vasque, Vin, Xaallo, Two, Sliske

TWO THINGS YOUR CHARACTER REGRETS:

I mean. The genocide, obviously. Doesn't change the fact that it would've happened regardless of the choices he made, and that he didn't really have a choice, but he still regrets being the one to press that button.

Staying as long in the Dominion as he did. He thinks if he left sooner, it would've changed things like the prior answer.

Also regrets being born but y'know that's neither here nor there.

TWO PHOBIAS YOUR CHARACTER HAS:

Other kariians. Not sure if I would call it an outright phobia, but it may as well be, because he would freak out if he saw another one. For the sake of including something less predictable, I'll include his mother in this answer.

Being taken back to the Dominion. His worst nightmares revolve around this.

[jugg3rn4ut]

I've always felt detestable. Well, maybe not always, but for a good majority of my life. As if there's something deeply unpleasant about me, something off-putting buried in my bones or whatever. I was a pretty quiet kid, never enjoyed socialising (that was my little sister's niche), I'd give polite responses when addressed but mostly tried to figure out a way to escape the conversation overall. That was alright though, it didn't matter then. After all, most people don't hate 7 year olds. The trouble started once I turned 11. People become a lot less accommodating once you hit your teens.

 Any behaviours that are considered quirky for a child quickly become unnerving when you hit puberty. All of a sudden you're weird and scary. You have friends, but boys look at you with pure disgust and you cant figure out why. You've always dreamed of the perfect highschool experience, a fairytale teen romance is your only goal at this age, but you don't fit the “beautiful brunette main character” bill. You're odd and average and most importantly, black. No one wants you this way and that sucks ass so obviously you try to change, act and look more “normal”, but it's near impossible to completely detach yourself from what's natural to you when you're 13. Your mind and soul follow you like a dirty stain, making your attempt to blend in look uncanny at best. Surely everyone can still see that you're a freak, and even if they cant, you certainly can and it's disgusting. 

So eventually, keeping up the act becomes too much for you. You try to revert back to your old self but you don't remember how, the lines are too blurred at this point. Then you're angry. Angry that you tried so hard to become socially acceptable only to end up in situations you never thought you would end up in. Boys are so so so evil and you can't look past that. They grope and grin and laugh in their group chats and they burrow into your head, nestling down so you can't pull them out again. They'll say things that never leave your mind, leaving you hearing their voices on repeat like a ringing in your ears that'll never go away. Boy-induced tinnitus, or boy-induced psychosis, or both maybe. You can no longer see yourself the same way, you can't shower the same way, you can't daydream the same way, you can't speak the same way, nothing is the same after that, not ever.

But you're stupid, or maybe just human, there's barely a difference there. You still crave affection from a boy. You're mind is set on them being evil but you're so so lonely anyway. Being weird is lonely, but being a bitch feels like you're trapped in a malfunctioning submarine with no reflective surfaces and no echo. Strange description maybe, but that's it.

You're furious at the fact that you've lost so much of yourself, to the point where fury is all you can feel. Everything you do is fueled by that bitter, miserable rage, the knowledge that you've lost control of who you are and how you're perceived. You have so much misdirected adrenaline that for a while, you feel powerful, productive. You can stand up for yourself, speak your mind, put on makeup and you feel on top of the world. Untouchable. You have to be untouchable because God knows you can't handle that again.

Then comes the drop. Unfortunately, the world is constantly spinning and remaining on top of it is impossible because you are not fast enough to keep up, and you never will be. You've hit a wall, hard, and you no longer have enough energy to find your way over it. You realise that since you were 11, not a single boy has looked at you as though you were human. Not when you were odd, not when you were normal, not when you were a bitch, and certainly not now that your mind has stopped working. You know boys are evil, you know it, but the fact that you haven't experienced the full extent of a boy somehow fills you with self-loathing. 

It's crazy, its so bad of you to think, but sometimes you wish you were still sexualised the way you were when you were normal. You feel so undesirable now and your track record doesn't convince you otherwise. All the other girls are having their hearts broken but you're just hated. Boys hate you and you hate them but it's not the same. You hate boys as people but boys hate you as if you're a piece of gum stuck to the sole of their shoe. You aren't a person to them, you aren't even an object. You don't actually know what you are. Your standards are out the window now but that doesn't actually matter, because there's no one to meet them, or even fall short of them, because no one wants you. No one. Wants you. 

And you want someone so badly. You fall asleep curled up in a ball, pretending to hold yourself in a warm embrace. You crave human contact, romantic contact, even eye contact, but no one wants you. You dress up and do your hair, try to look pretty and you know you do, but no one wants you. You post picture upon picture, try to seem fun and interesting and you ARE, but no one wants you. You cvt yourself and punch yourself and cry and cry and cry because the scars are so bad that they'd surely put any boyfriend you ever get off because you look despicable, but you don't actually have to worry about that, because no one wants you. So you keep cvtting yourself, it doesn't matter either way because you're so innately unnerving and gross and weird and rude and creepy and fcking ugly on the inside.

And then you realise how similar that last paragraph is to the first and you think, I think, that I haven't actually changed. All of this shit, just for me to end up being exactly the same as I was at eleven years old. 

[chimchiri]

Taking a break to ramble more about pony episodes. Boy. These guys. Jesus fucking Christ. They sure are SOMETHING.

I knew at some point I'd see RD's parents (but was lucky enough to not get spoiled at all). Her parents were NOTHING I could ever anticipate. BRUH.... I loved this episode, I hated this episode, I suffered, I laughed, I wanted to die - there were so many emotions. I haven't watched something like this in a loooong time. HOO BOY. Both my partner and I were pulling our clothes over our faces and we almost had to pause our watch because DEAR LORD. The second hand embarrassment nearly took us out. It was really, really hard to watch.

Same, unknown background pony, same... Though obviously, it's also a really entertaining episode and her parents are pretty fun and mostly - very interesting characters. BUT I do wish the lesson of the episode leaned more into a compromise. It felt like the show was saying RD was basically in the wrong, when she had very good reasons to keep contact to a minimum. And her parents clearly didn't respect her feelings and embarrassment in all of this. So I can't blame her. I get the core message was about being grateful for supporting parents, but they were so extremely over the top, inconveniencing many around them and not taking anyone incl. RD into account, that I really wished they learned something as well.

Like - they ???? Just ??? went into the Wonderbolts locker room?? And brought fireworks to the aerial show?? Interrupted several Wonderbolt situations?? I'm sorry but there is a time and place to be over the top, loud and insanely cheerful. Sometimes you need to keep it together and remain tactful and QUIET. And no, Scootaloo's guilt tripping doesn't change that. I think I'll just hc that the parents accepted this to a degree as well. I do like RD getting embarrassed but sheesh. Not that much.

Anyway - in the end I do love the episode. It's a roller coaster but it's still fun and most importantly the parents' designs are amazing! I adore how the mom looks <3 (Sorry dad, you're just okay)

Oh yeah and that was pretty hilarious as well:

All in all I feel like a masochist. I suffered watching this - but I really enjoyed it lol

[canidfeline]

Thomas Wayne's Journal - Page 117

I have scribbled in every other page in this journal either in a rage or a mental breakdown. Some rambles remain. (of which i will post later)

I'm 18 and it has been eight years since I was adopted. I have not used this journal much.

I have met someone. Someone that I sincerely cannot in good conscience go out with or tell Bruce, Alfred or any of my siblings about.

I've watched her and kept track of her and I learnt her name. Linnet Marrow. I don't doubt Bruce knows of her, he always does. He knows every one of Crane's students as a way of perhaps finding a contact that could help him. But I know her, I don't just know OF her.

She uses the alias Magpie. Ironic, considering Crane's name is Scarecrow. Although, maybe it makes sense. Sometimes I can't tell if she's Harley levels of obsessed with him, mentally vulnerable, drugged by him, or, in the same vein as the previous suggestion, has been exposed to enough fear toxin she's either scared enough of him she obeys everything he says to survive being killed, or is scared of everything apart from him and sees him as a saviour.

It would make sense, she's from a heavily religious background and family. Her father - who, by the way, could be another reason for her relationship with Crane. Father issues? Anyhow, her father was a heavy catholic, probably the one who instilled the fear of God into her, probably harshly, possibly forcefully. Her mother was a speech/language therapist. Possible experience at Arkham, but every other one of my research results conflicts with the last.

Three siblings, neither exactly remarkable. One as pretty as h I'm not writing that. I'm ashamed of myself.

She is pretty. As much as I am ashamed of myself to admit. It's probably the reason I've even researched this much. I've been attracted to girls before, obviously. I'm an 18-year-old male. But mostly I was too afraid to approach them. I scratched that out so if this is found Dick, Tim, Jason, Cass, Steph and possibly Damian can't make fun of me.

So the whole manor. Apart from Alfred.

But, Linnet does attract me. Black hair with white highlights (possible trauma streaks like Jason's). I can't specify as I always wear the contacts when I'm fighting her, but her eyes are a very pretty amber. Yellow, maybe. I have no idea.

Average build for an 18-year-old female. If I can call her that, Dick told me some girls think that's weird to call them but I don't get it. Perhaps a bit more... starved, but not malnourished.

Tall, for a woman. Which... looks nice to me.

I've watched her, as I said. It was nice to observe her routine. She's surprisingly kind. A kleptomaniac, but a kind one. Someone with a strange view towards people, as she seems both extremely empathetic and extremely unempathetic. Her apartment is dingy but charming. The building opposite hers' roof is half-walled, so I had a good view of it and could still avoid detection. It's covered in plants so I'm surprised she isn't friends with Pamela, but it just makes the whole place look nicer.

I sound like a stalker.

Am I a stalker?

I am a stalker.

I haven't watched her change, so no more than Bruce.

I can't be with her. She is a criminal, not even a sympathetic one like Selina, she's fear-gassed people for Scarecrow, has taken hostages, and has been an ACCOMPLICE in multiple murders but hasn't actually murdered anyone.

I cannot do anything with this attraction, I just want to acknowledge it so I can move past it.

But she is pretty. Too pretty for what Scarecrow has her do.

I am in trouble.