#you always catch me when I'm online and creeping!

[milkdollie]

I don't know if introductions are really necessary, but the whole reason I'm here is to put how I feel into words.

I've always been obsessed with boobs, it started with the massive implants of 90s porn and was probably exacerbated by hentai. I lived in Japan for a bit of my teenaged years and it just seemed like big, juicy tits were everywhere, and I stumbled upon so much lactation and breast expansion Manga, i couldn't help but become fixated.

I was always incredibly flat chested and I needed to fix this. I eventually got implants and loved them (so did so many others!). I went from a AAA cup to a g. They're not obnoxiously fake looking (which I kind of regret from time to time) but incredibly plausible, and now that I've gained weight (I'm an I cup now) they look and feel so soft and luscious.

I definitely have boob greed and would love bigger implants, but I'm not 100% sure of it.

When I got my boobs I went on a bimbofication tear, went blonde, got many an injection in my lips, tailored my look to my own sexual desires. Unfortunately this look is also very male gaze-y so it's often a deterrent to other women 😅

I'm a lot less bimbo in my aesthetic and more of an elegant milf that has a sunny, golden radiance with my well blown out hair, well taken care of skin and fantastic bone structure. My lips are still plush from the after market add ons (and long to suckle on, well something ;)) . I'm not as large as a lot of others I see in hucow content, and I don't think I'd like to gain weight.

That isn't to denigrate those larger than me. I definitely have a size kink if you could not tell. You'll catch me creeping in r/boltedonbooties (I have fantasized about getting a bbl many times, and have even gotten lipo but wasted that precious fat!) and r/boltedonmaxxed but I also like big natural boobs, asses and bellies.

Now back to the 🐮 thing. It's something I've always had in the back of my mind, a subconscious fixation. I even have induced in the past with the aid of an online friend who ordered me domperidone. But recently it has been my dominant fixation. I'm constantly thinking about it, reading about it, looking at media of it and it gets me so so wet. I've also started a protocol to induce again and it feels so sensual and dreamy.

I want to explore more. I want to know more.

I myself am sapphic and I'm wondering it there are others like me? Are cow/cow relationships even a thing?! I'd even love to be a farmer with my own little cow. I just want everything to do with this kink.

[pigfacedbitch]

HIIII I'm a big fan of your work and I really love it your writing is amazing , this may be a weird request and if your uncomfortable you don't have to do it , it's fine I completely understand, so it's like merlin and Arthur and the reader and they are all soulmates and it's there first time meeting each other . Thank you in advance

Modern! Reader Gets Transported to Albion

idea : modern world! reader gets transported to Albion and meets Arthur and Merlin. unbeknownst to you and the prince of Camelot, the three of you are soulmates.

type : imagines

word count : 0.7k

pairing/s involved : Arthur x Reader, Merlin x Reader

warning/s : almost drowning, panicking

here is my masterlist!

Note : MY FIRST REQUEST! Whoever you are, thank you for reading my works and I might've changed a little bit in your request. Also, I apologize that it took so long, school has been keeping me busy. I hope you like it! 😊

You've always been a fan of BBC Merlin so when you had the chance to take a trip to Europe, you did.

You went to all the locations where they filmed the series like Château de Pierrefonds and Chislehurst Caves. The last destination is where the Lake of Avalon is; Forest of Dean.

Luckily you are alone, giving you the chance to fully enjoy the beautiful sceneries and serene atmosphere.

It made you feel a deeper sense of nostalgia and melancholy— how the precious characters you loved dearly died and were 'buried' there.

With one last selfie, you were about to walk back to you car when you hear it. A faint voice, filled with sorrow and longing.

"(Y/N)... Save us."

It's coming from the lake.

Something glimmers on it's shore, a sapphire drop necklace with golden chain. When you attempt to pick it up, the world begins to spin.

Suddenly, you were underwater.

Panic builds in your chest not because you can't swim, but an unseen force seems to harshly pull you down no matter how hard you try to stay afloat.

"Help me! Please, someone—"

Air runs out from your lungs when a pair of bulky arms grabs your body and begins to swim you to safety.

"Don't worry, I got you."

I heard that voice before.

The stranger easily carries you to ground, draping a large cloak on your shivering body. Rubbing your eyes for better sight, you look up...

Bradley James?

"Are you alright?"

No. You're certain that Bradley doesn't look that young anymore, keeping up with his latest activities online.

"I told you to be careful, Arthur!"

Turning your head, you see Colin Morgan run towards the two of you with a worried expression on his face.

He looks younger too.

"Ah, Merlin. Fetch the horses, she might need medical attention. May I ask for you name, my lady?"

Arthur? Merlin? Wait... Oh my God.

Realization hits you hard when both men stare at you expectantly, waiting for your answer.

The way they speak, their clothes, their appearances... it's exactly the same in the show you binge-watch every Christmas season.

Am I in the show? That's not possible...right?

"W-Where are we?"

"Camelot."

Shit.

You expect someone to go 'You just got punked!'; that would've been better than two men (who you have a huge crush on) staring at you, confused.

You waited for a moment but nothing happens.

This is real. I'm actually in Albion.

Fear and anxiety creeps into your system, as many questions form in your head. Did I die? What's going on? What season is this? How can I ever get back?

Due to the overwhelming emotions, your breath shortens and keeled over.

Bradley, or Arthur (You have no idea anymore), quickly catches you and gently carries you to his horse.

"We must make haste!" was the last thing you heard before you blacked out.

Merlin, on the hand, knew this would happen. In fact, he dreams of you.

He sees you in vague images, like old memories— happily kissing his cheek, witnessing him use magic, encouraging him to do another trick, etc.

He already etched in his mind your pretty face, your melodious voice, your playful grin— everything about you.

Then Arthur shares the same experience, dreaming about a woman who's description mirrors yours.

Kilgharrah told him that the woman of their dreams will arrive soon from faraway land and will play significant role in the prophecy.

However, the dragon didn't specify how. He only said—

"(Y/N) is your soulmate, Emrys. She sees you and Arthur in a light no one else ever will."

Soulmates are uncommon, even for druids. Only a few were blessed, to have something so wholesome and pure.

So when he heard your cry for help, he is ecstatic. You have finally arrived. His soulmate... and Arthur's.

He wryly smiles at this. Funny how he shares, not only his destiny with the prat, but also you.

The trip to the castle was faster than they anticipated. Arthur told him to call Gaius and meet them in his bedroom.

It caught the attention of everyone. The prince carrying an unconscious woman in his private chambers will surely stir gossip.

But Arthur didn't care, and Merlin didn't know if he should be proud or worried.

The court physician said you are healthy, they only have to wait for you to wake up. He left to attend other matters; leaving the three of you alone.

"This is her." The prince laughs in disbelief, incognizant of what Merlin knows. "The girl in my dreams, I can't believe it!"

Merlin tries to hide his smirk, Arthur can be so adorable when he's clueless.

"Nor can I, sire."

[suga-kookiemonster]

satisfy 06

summary⇢ “listen,” taehyung says, eyes wide and eager as he smiles at you. “i figure we can just help each other out. i scratch your back, you scratch mine.” but when you find yourself suddenly in need of a massive favor, exactly how much scratching are you willing to do? pairing⇢ seokjin/reader, namjoon/reader, taehyung/reader, …..jimin/reader word count⇢ 4.8k genre⇢ smut | escort!au | ceo!au (kinda) warnings⇢ none, really. just a few suggestive memories and oc having a crisis 👀 a/n⇢ and now, my dear friends, we finally make it to the epilogue! 🥹 thank you to everyone who has stuck with this fic over the years, and i'm extra grateful to everyone who has dropped in my inbox at any point to scream their feelings about it to me--as well as everyone who has enjoyed it enough to reblog and share! 💜💜 you guys are the ones who really keep me coming back to share my writing on this hellsite, and i truly, truly appreciate you for helping keep fandom fun and alive. i hope you've enjoyed this ride as much as i have enjoyed taking you on it! 🥰😈 mood for this chapter is this song~ thanks again, everyone! 💜

chapters⇢ previous | series masterlist

Just as they were scheduled to, your employers jetted off overseas, leaving you to your own devices for the next three weeks. You weren’t going to lie—it felt bizarre for your calendar to be so open after months of near bursting due to constant activity. But honestly? It was truly refreshing to suddenly have so much downtime. And after your last Kim encounter, you definitely felt your break was well-deserved.   

So, you used the sudden breathing room to catch up on other parts of your life that had been suffering. The next few days were spent burrowed beneath the covers and gloriously unconscious, your truly exhausted body ensuring sleep to be your first priority. Initiating the wildest sexual encounter you had ever had—and probably would ever have—on a Thursday meant that you luckily only had to miss one lecture, and you happily did so, knowing the slides would be online for you to look over later. And though you weren’t asleep the entire weekend, even when you were awake, you didn’t part with the comfort of your bed for long—eating takeout in it and watching true crime documentaries in it and actively ignoring the way your skin tingled when your mind strayed to the other activities you had done in it not too long prior. 

(And if you were being honest, it was a little hard to not linger on what you had done. On what you so easily allowed the Kims to do.) 

When you did allow yourself to linger on it, it almost felt like a fever dream. Some abstract, depraved fantasy that your overactive mind had cooked up. But the ache in your muscles, the tenderness of your pussy—these were tangible proof that it had all been real. That the flashes of hot tongues and gasping breaths and shivering pleasure that kept creeping back, no matter how you tried to distract yourself, were memories, not figments of your imagination. You knew you should probably feel some sort of shame over it, but honestly? Other than astonishment that this was what your life had become, other than the expected fatigue—

You only felt satisfied.

Satisfied that your own needs had been spectacularly met, of course, but also with the knowledge that your employers were even more satiated than you, and that you had done that. You couldn’t help but glow with a sense of pride when your doorbell rang one afternoon and you were handed a gorgeous flower arrangement, the corresponding card detailing that the unexpected, expensive gift was from Kim Seokjin. Months ago, you probably would have felt mortified to receive them—especially with the intimate knowledge of what exactly he was thanking you for—but you had earned those flowers, dammit! Earned that, as well as the absurd amount of money Namjoon unceremoniously wired you in between the texts he sent you every few days to check on you. 

You always gave your all to whatever you set out to do, and this was no different. You were a hard worker, period. No one could fault you for being pleased with the successful results of your efforts.     

So yes, you spent those next few days relaxing and recuperating and feeling rewarded. And when you finally felt enough like a human to leave your nest of pillows and blankets, you used your newfound freedom from distractions to catch up on other parts of your life you had been inadvertently ignoring—the first being your schoolwork, and the second, Jimin. 

You did a double-take when your text thread showed that the last time you had messaged him had been a week and a half ago, unbelieving. Though busy, the two of you never went that long without at least checking in, and for him to not reach out either? You couldn’t help but worry that maybe he had forgotten about you. Found someone much more interesting, someone prettier and much more available to be showered with his attention than you. 

But luckily, your slow spiraling was immediately halted when the timid Hey you sent him resulted in his bubbly, smiley face-filled reply barely a second later. 

And so now, there you were, meeting him in person for the first time in over a month.

“Sorry I’m late,” you told him as you approached the table, slightly out of breath from your hustle there. “Traffic was crazy and the Uber driver seemed afraid of driving, or something? Like, this probably isn’t the job for you if driving in the city makes you that nervous.” Because yes, when Jimin asked if you could meet him for dinner, you were surprised when he chose a spot downtown. And you were even more surprised when you finally arrived and realized that said restaurant was apparently an upscale hotspot, especially considering the meals you usually shared together consisted of nothing fancier than takeout or something you could grab from the convenience store.

He immediately stood up to wrap you in his arms, giving you a comforting squeeze that reflexively had you melting into the warmth of him before he let go. God, he smelled good. “Glad you made it in one piece,” came his amused reply, eyes twinkling as he reached over and politely pulled your chair out for you.  

You did your best to tamp down the familiar delighted butterflies that always sprung up within you when you were near him. There was something more pressing that needed to be addressed. “Jimin,” you hissed out the corner of your mouth, warily looking around. “You didn’t tell me this restaurant was so nice! I would’ve dressed up more.” Because as it was, your simple cocktail dress wasn’t really cutting it. The tables had cloth tablecloths that no doubt were removed and washed between each seating. There were multiple chandeliers sparkling from the ceiling, for fuck’s sake! Jimin had told you to wear something more on the nicer side, but he never told you this nice, and you could tell immediately that you were underdressed. You had been so excited to see him again that you just got in the car without even bothering to google the place first. 

Jimin waved a dismissive hand, visibly unbothered as he retook his own seat. For his part, he had actually taken the time to throw on a rather smart blazer over his dress shirt and slacks, his hair carefully styled and slicked back. “You look beautiful, as you always do.”

Your eyes shifted to the table, a shy but pleased smile inching across your lips. “Thank you.”

“Thank you for meeting me. I was worried you’d forgotten about me.”

You couldn’t help the incredulous snort that escaped you. “Me forget about you? No, of course not, Jiminie. I’m sorry for dropping off the face of the earth—I’ve just been so busy—”

Jimin’s raised hand halted your rambling, the gentle crinkle of his eyes calming your frazzled nerves. “Don’t worry,” he smiled. “I totally get it—I was just teasing. I could tell you had a lot going on, and so I just didn’t want to bother you. You have nothing to be sorry for.” 

Didn’t you, though? Would he feel the same way if he knew just what had been taking up all your time? You reflexively swallowed, sifting uncomfortably in your seat. “Yeah, school has been running me ragged.” And it’s not a lie. Just not the full truth.

“No kidding. I think I got seven hours of sleep total last week, so like I said, I totally get it.” Before it even registered that he was reaching for you, his hand was already enveloping yours, thumb rubbing soothing circles into your palm. “I’m just happy we have the chance to get together now. I missed you.” 

You felt yourself immediately soften into putty at his admission. “I’ve missed you too, Jimin,” came your soft reply. Dazedly, you tried your best not to visibly show how much his unexpected touch was making your heartbeat skyrocket, but from the pleased curl of his lips, you weren’t entirely sure you were successful. 

It didn’t matter, because just as easily as he had reached into your space, he was now letting go, pulling his appendage back to his side of the table to pick up his menu.  

As if waiting for a lull in your conversation, the waiter chose that moment to approach your table. “Welcome to Serendipity. Have the two of you dined with us before?”

“I haven’t,” Jimin replied, expectantly looking your way for your response and finding you scrabbling for your menu instead.

“Me neither,” you squeaked, flustered that you had been too busy making heart eyes at Jimin to even give it a cursory browse. “Is there anything you recommend?”

The waiter reached over a little to direct you a slip of paper on your table that had gone unnoticed until this moment. “You can find our current specials here—I’m a big fan of the salmon, but everything on there is excellent. And we’re actually currently running a dinner for two special, that’s been really popular. One appetizer to share, two entrées, and a dessert to share.”

Yes, it didn’t surprise you that that would be popular—along with how nice the restaurant was, you had noticed immediately when walking in that it was filled with couples who were clearly having romantic nights out.

“I think we’re still deciding on food.” Jimin’s voice cut through your thoughts. “But can we please see a wine list?”

Wine? Your brow raised, not opposed, but surprised. In all the time you’ve known each other, alcohol has certainly never been a stranger—you’ve had late night study sessions together, accompanied by chicken and beer; you’ve gotten shitfaced together at bars after particularly rough exams. But something about this felt…different. In this restaurant, much fancier than you anticipated, surrounded by couples, sitting across a candlelit table from where Jimin was poring over a wine selection that you knew had to be really expensive—this was undoubtedly more intimate.  

You idly cleared your throat, not daring to linger too long on the dots your mind couldn’t help but connect. Because it obviously couldn’t be that. It had to be a coincidence.

“_____,” Jimin said, the slight raise in his voice cluing you in that this wasn’t the first time he had tried to get your attention. “How does this one sound?” 

You blinked our of your thoughts, finding both him and the waiter looking at you expectantly. “Whatever you choose is fine!” you croaked, slapping on a smile for good measure.    

“Excellent choice. I’ll bring it right out,” the waiter said with an affirmative tilt of his head, and then the two of you were alone again. 

It was quiet for a bit while you both properly perused your menus, though from the corner of your eye, the curious glances Jimin was sending you didn’t escape your notice. You were acting weird. You were acting weird and he could clearly tell you were acting weird, but ever since you noticed the restaurant’s romantic atmosphere, you couldn’t help it.

“These prices are kinda wild, huh?” came your attempt at normal conversation.

Jimin took it in stride, lips curling in amusement. “Yeah, they’re definitely overcharging for those stuffed mushrooms. But don’t worry about it—I invited you out, so this is my treat.”

You shook your head immediately. “No, no, I can’t let you do that! I was just making a comment. Don’t worry, I have enough money to pay.”

He let out a bemused sigh, shaking his head, and if you didn’t happen to be looking directly at him, you might have missed him say under his breath, “You’re not gonna make this date easy for me, huh?”

You immediately choked on your own spit, eyes bugging at what you thought you heard. “D-Date?” you repeated incredulously.

Jimin’s spine went stiff, eyes widening as if he hadn’t meant to say that out loud. You could only watch in amazement as it was his turn to look shy, pointedly averting his gaze to his menu and letting out a chuckle that sounded suspiciously nervous to your bemused ears. When you continued to gape at him, waiting for some sort of explanation, he was forced to continue.

“Yeah,” he hedged cautiously. “That’s what I’d hoped. Would that be a bad thing?”

You couldn’t answer right away, staring him down like he had grown two heads and wondering when he was going to burst out laughing with a Gotcha! You should have seen your face.  

Always one for great timing, the waiter chose that moment to come back with your wine, taking his sweet time pouring it into each of your glasses and cheerfully chatting about the region it came from. You didn’t hear a single word, too focused on the way Jimin studiously avoided your stare, on the noticeable flush that had risen up his neck and was fanning across his cheeks. It was only after you apologetically asked for more time for your meal orders—your mind too frazzled to pick something on the spot—that he left again. Jimin took a long swig from his wineglass.

“Sorry,” he murmured, still not looking at you. “I probably should have let you know my intention beforehand, but I was nervous you wouldn’t come, or I’d chicken out of doing it, or—”

“Your intention?” you parroted dazedly. 

Another generous swallow of wine, the liquid courage coaxing his eyes to meet yours. “I wanted to take you out somewhere really nice,” he admitted. “Show you a good time and work up the nerve to properly ask you out again.”

“On a. Date?” Your lashes fluttered, an involuntary response to your brain short-circuiting. “With me.”

His lips twitched. “Yes, with you, silly.”

“Why?”

“You’re really going to make me say it? Before our food gets here?” He was fiddling with his napkin, but despite his clear nervousness, his gaze was now unwavering and his voice was clear. “Because I like you, _____. I have for a long time.”

These were words that you had only heard him whisper in your wildest dreams, when your subconscious thoughts were no longer being restrained by your common sense. And as such, you could only gape at him, sure you were about to wake up any second.

Your unintentional silence triggered Jimin’s tongue into overdrive, and you could only struggle to make sense of his rambling as he proceeded to tell you how much your friendship meant to him and how he was afraid confessing how he felt would affect it, but he just couldn’t take it anymore. How his feelings for you were growing by the day, and the recent time spent away from you was maddening and only confirmed to him how much he wanted to be with you. And so he felt he had to at least put it out there and try.

And the longer he talked, the more your eyes welled up with horrified tears, panic gripping you by the throat and squeezing, tight, tight.

This was nothing short of a nightmare. 

You would have never agreed to your arrangement with the Kims if you had thought in a million years Jimin would have ever been a serious option for you. 

Absolutely not. You would have swallowed your pride, maybe taken that loan from Tae instead. Would have also taken as many odd jobs as you could to pay him back, would have forgone sleep completely and struggled ten times more than you were now just so you could pay off your debts. Hell, you would have even just fucking dropped out. Would have taken the semester off and attempted to come back whenever you could scrounge up the appropriate funds. 

But never, never ever, would you have done what you had done. 

Because now, not only were you contractually unable to be with the man you’ve—in an attempt at self-preservation—refused to acknowledge you were in love with, but even if you found some legal way to quit now…there was zero chance Jimin would still want you when he knew. Less than zero. And you couldn’t blame him for that, because who would?

Beyond overwhelmed, you did the only sensible thing you could in that moment—you burst into tears.

Your sudden sniveling immediately halted Jimin’s rambling, eyes wide in alarm and looking every bit as distressed as you. “Ah—don’t cry!” He leaned over the table, cradling your face in his hands and swiping your tears with his thumbs. “You don’t have to feel the same way, _____. I’ll get over it, please don’t cry—”

“No,” you blubbered, beyond miserable. He couldn’t be more wrong. “I do! Jimin, I feel exactly the same way, I just…” Your eyes welled up anew, unable to tell him the truth. “I c-can’t.” 

“You can’t?” he repeated, eyebrows furrowing in confusion. His eyes roved your face for any possible answers, nibbling slightly on his bottom lip in thought. “…Is this…” His thumbs were still caressing your cheeks, gaze gentle and open as he quickly glanced around to see if anyone was paying the two of you any attention. When it was clear no one was giving your table more than a few curious glances, he said quieter, “…Is this about the arrangement you have with Tae?”

Everything froze. Your eyes locked, Jimin patiently waiting for your reply. Hysteria trickled through your veins, held only a bay by the disbelief slamming into you harder than a freight train. “W-What arrangement?” you blurted reflexively, a touch too loudly to be believable. 

It was Jimin’s turn be caught off guard, hands slowly dropping from your face and returning to his side of the table, though he was still leaned over it so he could still whisper to you, “You know.” He looked at you pointedly, mouth downturning a bit in his confusion. “With him and his brothers. The arrangement.” 

Jesus Christ, this was not happening. There was no way that this was actually happening to you. There was no way that the man who unknowingly held your heart in the palm of his hand was fully aware that you were fucking his best friend for money. Deny, deny! “I’m not sure I know what you mean.”

He didn’t say anything for a few moments, still visibly puzzled. But the two of you only sat in an awkward silence for a few more moments before he snapped his fingers, a light bulb clearly going off. “Ah! You can’t say anything because you signed an NDA, right?” 

You swallowed thickly, unable do anything more in that very moment than stupidly stare at him like a deer in the headlights. 

“I’m sorry, that was stupid of me,” Jimin chuckled, smacking his forehead for good measure. “I don’t know why I didn’t realize that sooner. Obviously you’re under NDA.” 

You weren’t sure how to respond to that. Weren’t sure from the gentle smile he was now sending you if he even expected a response from you. Luckily, Jimin kept talking. 

“But it’s okay—I already know everything, so you don’t have to hide it,” he reassured you. You didn’t feel assured. You felt like you were in the Twilight Zone. “Taehyung told me about your agreement when you started it months ago.”

If you were flustered before, that was nothing on what you were feeling now. Now, half-thoughts were ricocheting across your brain too quickly for you to grasp anything of substance but your internal screeching. “You know everything?” you repeated incredulously. This time it was you who leaned over the table, meeting him in the middle. “Taehyung told you?!”

“Of course he did!” Color rebloomed across his cheeks, but he didn’t shy away from the bewildered stare down you were giving him. “He’s my best friend and he wanted to make sure he wouldn’t be stepping on any toes. He…knows how I feel about you.” When you only continued to stare at him, he nervously added, “Who do you think got me the reservation for this place to begin with? The waitlist is literally a year out.”

“I’m sorry, I just—” You pulled back so you could reach for your wineglass, allowing yourself a few healthy sips to give your mouth something to do other than flap about like an idiot while you stalled. Jimin didn’t call you out on it, just waited patiently and topped off your glass when you set it back down again. 

You took a few steadying breaths, ultimately choosing to lean back closer to Jimin. To the casual onlooker, the two of you were just another couple making heart eyes over a romantic dinner. And considering the rather lewd and illegal turn your conversation had just taken in this very public place, that only worked in your favor. “Let me get this straight,” you whispered, carefully choosing your words in case you still managed to garner an unwanted audience. “Taehyung told you the deal he has with me. Months ago.” Jimin nodded. “And you’ve known this entire time about our…arrangement, but never told me you knew.”

“I swear I didn’t at all mean to keep that a secret,” he murmured, expression contrite. “I just didn’t want to make you uncomfortable or embarrass you or anything like that, so I’ve just been waiting on you to bring it up at your own pace. But I didn’t take into account that you would never bring it up because you would be under NDA, which, again, now that I say it out loud was an extremely stupid assumption of me not to make. I’m sorry.”

“So. You have feelings for me,” you reiterated, ignoring the delighted shiver that raced up your spine at the words. You had to be sure. “But it didn’t bother you that your best friend…propositioned me? You have no problem with me being…involved with him and his brothers?”

“You were caught between a rock and a hard place and the grind never stops. You know I know that better than anybody,” he replied with a shrug. He swallowed, discreetly ensuring no one was paying the two of you any attention before he added, “You think you’re the only one who’s sucked dick for money?”

Your eyes widened, jaw dropping a little before you could catch it. Was he…implying what you thought he was implying? There was no way. You had to be reading into it. 

But ultimately, all of this was irrelevant. When the ghost of Seokjin’s mouth on you came to you unbidden—the phantom weight of Taehyung’s body, the haunting reprimand of Namjoon’s stern hand—

You shook your head, unsuccessfully dispelling those unwanted, lingering thoughts. Your gaze skirted to the table, despondent and embarrassed as you finally set free your hushed admission. “Jimin, I’ve done more than suck dick for my money.” 

There was a pause, an agonizing one that felt like an eternity, and then he was lifting your chin with a finger and guiding you to meet his eyes.

“Again.” He reached for your hands, thumb tracing patterns over your knuckles. His smile was a soft secret. “You think you’re the only one?” 

He held your gaze, not looking away even though your mouth just flapped uselessly as you struggled to regain your bearings. So he did mean—

“Does knowing that bother you?” Jimin asked quietly, expression now carefully neutral. Seriously asking, and giving you the proper space to process and answer. “Does it change anything?”

“No.” The truth, though delayed, left you as easily as a breath. He was still Jimin. “Of course not.”

Jimin’s resulting grin turned his eyes into crescents. “Soooo…what I’m hearing is that we’re clearly on the same page and are both Team Fuck Bitches, Get Money.” 

Boy, did you wish you could smile back. Wish you could share in his obvious relief. But while you assumed his exploits were in the past, the same couldn’t be said for you, who was actively under contract. “Jimin, I’m still…employed,” you couldn’t help but point out. “And still will be for a while. That really doesn’t bother you?”

“It really doesn’t,” he insisted. But your continued hesitance had him pulling back from you, hands busying themselves with reaching for his wineglass as he carefully asked, “Should it? Is there something else I should know?” A couple sips of wine to steel himself before a  cautious, “Do you have feelings for any of them?”

“No!” you blurted. Despite the amount of time and intimacy you had been spending with the Kims, romantic feelings had never even crossed your mind. Your pussy certainly felt some things when she was getting some action, but your heart had never gotten involved. Your heart was too busy crowding in your throat at that very moment, threatening to fling itself at the man in front of you.

Jimin took your sincerity for what it was, a pleased twist to his lips. “Then it’s all fine with me. And again, Tae’s been aware from the beginning that I’ve been intending to ask you out, so that expectation has been there since the beginning. All three of them agreed to the deal knowing that I might be in the picture if I ever decided to put my big boy pants on and tell you how I feel. They’ve been expecting it, so they’re cool with it.”

“They’re cool with it,” you parroted blankly, completely flabbergasted. This was absolutely not how you foresaw this night going, and you never would have thought your life would ever take a turn like this in a million years. “They’re cool with it, and so are you?”

“I don’t mind sharing your time,” he shrugged. “So long as I’m not sharing you.”

“And you don’t see that as the same thing in this…situation?” you asked incredulously. “That doesn’t seem fair.”

Jimin puffed out an amused laugh. “Wow, you really are trying to talk me out of this, huh?”

You waved your hands. “Absolutely not, that is the last thing I want! I just. I come with a lot of baggage, and I don’t want any of it to come as a surprise. As busy as I’ve been the last couple weeks? That’s becoming a reoccurring normal. And Jimin, I just feel really shitty.” You swallowed. “Because I can’t promise you everything that you deserve to be promised right now.”

Jimin’s face softened as he listened to you, visibly much more comfortable now that you had successfully reassured him just how badly you wanted this. And oh, did you want it. You weren’t sure how this could ever work, but god did you want it to.

“Not fair,” he repeated under his breath, eyes glazed over in thought. “Hmmm.” 

“Is there anything I could do?” you hedged. You weren’t really sure what that could possibly be, considering the ironclad situation you were in. But now that you had been given a glimmer of your heart’s desire, you couldn’t let it fade away. Not if you could help it.  

His reply wasn’t immediate, still lost in thought. But when his eyes finally refocused on you, smoldering and intense, you couldn’t help the way your breath caught in response, the way your heart quickened. “Here’s an idea of what we can do to make it fair. What if you continue to work for them, just as you are now. And then…” 

He was thoughtlessly swirling his wineglass, momentum pulling the ruby liquid into slow, circling waves that would be rather hypnotizing if you weren’t already caught in the snare of his gaze. When he leaned across the table again, the way you followed suit was as easy as breathing. A lovesick sailor willingly lured to possible danger by a siren’s song. “Whatever you do for them, you do for me. How does that sound?” 

You let out a soft breath, just the thought of it immediately electrifying your every atom. Sparks danced excitedly beneath your skin, his soft, sultry tone curling your toes in their shoes. 

“Fair.”

His Adam’s apple dipped excitedly, lips parting.

“So sorry to interrupt,” someone suddenly said from beside you. It was the waiter again. You had completely forgotten about him. Completely forgotten everything other than the restless tap of Jimin’s fingers against the table. “I just wanted to check in to see if you were ready to order?” 

“Yes, I think so.” You didn’t look away from Jimin—still hadn’t even glanced at the menu. Your tongue swiped over your lips, and his gaze darkened in response. 

“But I think we’d like it to go.”

chapters⇢ previous | series masterlist

[hillbillyoracle]

I've spoken before about the increasing tendency of online communities to coopt the language of specific material difficulties face by minority groups to give their personal complaints more "moral" weight.

The example I always use for this is "gatekeeping" - it was used for a long time in the trans and disabled communities to denote the situation we often face where a cis or able bodied medical professional got to determine whether we belonged to a group enough to access treatments we needed. This is a very serious medical issue that we face that leads people in the community to wind up using black markets and risking their lives with less than scrupulous people who seek to profit off of this medical alienation. Some people wind up in incredibly amounts of physical and mental pain or even committing suicide.

I spent a long time not understanding why in the last maybe 6 or so years so many people, mostly younger, seized on the words as if it was theirs to describe merely not being included in a group by others of the same identity were no route for filling a material need is impacted. Even more recently I've run across people who are using it to mean that information they want - for hobbies, interests - is difficult for them to find.

I hear all the time "language changes" - which is definitely true. But it's worth looking at why given language changes happen - and who benefits. This is a whole field in linguistics and it tell you a lot about the values of a given group. It hit me when I came across it most recently that whether people admit it or not, they borrow that language because they want their complaint to be taken as seriously as the material complaint they see it originate with.

And this is obviously not great right? Like you not being allowed in a discord you want or it not being easy to figure out how to knit a sweater are very obviously not on par with being denied a badly needed medical treatment to deal with your pain because you're not considered "disabled enough" by an able bodied doctor. I get this is largely happening subconsciously and we don't really have a language to talk about it making it even harder or people to catch in their own usage. I don't have an answer to that as I'm not a trained philosopher or linguist but I do have some food for thought.

For those who can be honest with themselves enough to see that they likely use words like this to lend the moral weight of marginalization to their mundane concerns, I want you to know some practical issues with this.

One, it pretty instantly flags you as being unsure of the veracity or relevance of your point, unlikely to be receptive to the other person, and more worried about appearances rather than the issue at hand. Which is a shame because you may have a really good point in there. You may absolutely be calling out an issue that needs addressed. But borrowing the language of these groups for their moral weight is simply not needed when you've made an effective argument.

Two, moralizing the mundane is a facet of carceral cultural creep. This really could be it's own post, but simply put, we've come up in a media ecosystem which tends to praise "justice" systems as being the means for processing difficult experiences - regardless of how true that is when interacting with the systems themselves. So even people who are out here saying ACAB will unironically police other people on having and performing the correct opinions in ever tightening loops (as punished people are needed to keep the rest o the group in line). You're not exempt from it and the desire to make mundane things like people not wanting you in their clubhouse and not finding the right video out to be a moral failure on someone else's part is rooted in those very non-progressive ideas.

Three, generalization means the language loses it's moral weight as it gets used meaning it is a constant process of habituation and more and more groups will wind up having their very important and specific terminology taken up for the sake of this particular selfish pyre. Once you've habituated to the language you can never go back and grasping at the language that these groups have to continually reinvent in light of this watering down is a type of violence given the material costs to groups who can no longer name the heinous act of the systems they face. If you indulge in this, it'll never stop and can never be enough.

The answer is pretty simple. Learn to state your feelings plainly. Learn to form solid arguments without resorting to mental shortcuts like coopting the marginalization to moralize your mundane experience. Learn how to set actual boundaries (which are about controlling your own behavior not others) and walk away from people and groups that don't align with your preferences and pursuits.

The answer is grow into yourself - stable, healthy, flexible.

[rminsbae]

Souls entwined.

Their proximity is always accidental.

(not proofread, don't come for me. If you see me online, no you don't.)

If Keqing knew anything, it's that she's completely lost her mind.

in fact, she knows very little nowadays. she used to know. to plan and to always avoid the terrifying position of vulnerability. Keqing always knew how to act, always quick-witted and trusted by her people.

She always knew.

So what was happening to her? how did she end up here?

How did she find herself gazing upon her? hell, she was aware of it and she was pinned by invisible needles from head to toe. Ganyu had her absolutely smitten, lovestruck.

Keqing let a sigh escape her flared nostrils as she gazed and gazed and gazed. She looks so captivating like this, face puffed from the couple times she'd shifted in bed all night. Keqing counted. She noticed Ganyu curling around herself and the way she brought her knees close to her face as she cradled her limbs. like a fetus, keqing quietly thought. so simple and worth the time she'd spend adoring her unconscious antics. Oh, she was so worth it.

Her skin almost jumped off her bones when ganyu's breath slightly hitched, goosebumps forming shortly after under Keqing's fingers. the room was chilly and despite Keqing's protests, ganyu insisted on sleeping with only a chiffon nightgown, falling asleep face first on bed before keqing could give her one of her cotton long sleeved shirts. She didn't even have the heart to wake her up, only managed a mumbled "scoot over'' and ganyu obliged with a curl against Keqing's chest.

Keqing's head whipped so fast it could've spun to the opposite side. her lips parted when her gaze fell to the same sight she's been memorizing all night. yet it gets even more vastly beautiful by the second. She couldn't bring herself to speak, words dying midway in her throat as ganyu shifted. "Thank you." the rasp in her tone made the heat creep up. up up up to far beyond her hairline.

"Yes," she breathed, so quiet. "It's nothing."

What was she thanking her for again?

Ganyu gave a curt nod and slid into slumber once more after stifling a long, animated yawn and Keqing watched. she watched and always watched with increasing wonder as to why could this girl do simple motions and catch her breath like that. she would watch until her bones would rot from the inside as an effect of ganyu's honeysuckle tone. She would very gladly watch herself be destroyed by her.

For her.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" ganyu spoke against closed lids and relaxed features. she'd look asleep if it weren't for the graze of her fingers on Keqing's jaw, and Keqing almost jerked away. almost. "What's on your mind?"

"What?" The Gods returned her ability to speak. she swallowed in a silent attempt to clear her throat. "My apologies, I'm a little confused."

Ganyu snorted, not just any snort– it was one paired with a halfhearted smile and a shake of her head. "I think it's time to skip the formalities, no?" there was it again, the rasp and the honeysuckle tone. "We're far past that, considering… well, our previous encounters."

Encounters. yes, of course. Sleeping on the same bed tangled up in each other is considered a mere encounter, sure. She was definitely about to pass out. "I'm sorry, it's just–" keqing stops upon the frown that formed on ganyu's face. "I got lost in my headspace for a moment"

Ganyu hummed, her fingers tracing lazy circles onto the curve of Keqing's shoulder. "Your skin," words died again. there wasn't a single way on earth that would bring a steady pulse to her vessels. Keqing held and waited. "Your skin– it's so soft. I've always wanted to touch it."

Dear God.

"What's on your mind, Keqing?" you. her tone was firm now, still soft but now firm. Keqing gulped but her mind was still a whirlwind, all her organized thoughts were swirling in space. This was so ridiculous. "Work," she managed in a struggle, letting her eyelids rest for a millisecond. "It's been tough lately, with the lantern rite going on."

For the first time all night Ganyu actually stared at her. A solid, unbreaking yet warm gaze. Keqing was pinned in place again as the hairs on her neck poked her nape. Encounters. Sure. She was close enough that she could make out every hair that stood out of place amongst the messed blue locks. "You're not lying to me, are you?" don't look away. don't. "You know you don't have to keep that– away from me."

Before she could bring herself to speak–skies, even think– she was yet to be distracted again by the way ganyu's hair glistened a quiet silver shimmer even in the dimly lit room. The citrusy berries, the intense gaze and questioning eyes— she was never going to let herself crack.

even if it was for her.

She very much wanted to feel the skin of her collarbone. the way it would feel under her cold, scarred fingers. Logically much more appealing than her own pale skin. the calloused leather covering her bones.

You're so good, im nothing like you.

Keqing's sharp intake of breath was a clear attempt to calm her fragments that could ooze any moment out of her and onto the mattress. Ganyu's hands brushed against hers once more in a manner she wouldn't exactly call teasing, she knew ganyu. she wouldn't be intentionally driving her sanity on a highway.

"I– um…" Ganyu's curious eyes watched with intensity. try again, you idiot. "Can I hold your hand?" She did not say that. She absolutely didn't. She searched for a twitch, a tinge of disgust, a shove, anything. any sign that would shut her up for lifetimes to come.

But instead Ganyu's eyes remain curious, a warm pair of molten hazelnut laced with a burnt wooden exterior. no shove, no disgust. just curiosity. always curiosity.

Gods above, someone end her.

"I thought we already skipped past the formalities"

"This is consent. I'm aware that you mustn't touch someone without previous consent."

a chuckle.

then another chuckle, and another, until it turned into an infectious laughing fit they both shared for a moment. an act of intimacy she never wanted to end.

"Sorry," Ganyu wheezed, dragging the heels of her palm across her eye with a sliding tear. "I wasn't laughing at you, you just have a unique way to you." unique.

She thinks she's unique.

"Maybe I'm just as troubled as someone in my position would be." Keqing was once more silenced when she felt warm ends wrap around her hand. she was terrified. so so terrified to look down and some unknown force was yanking her neck up before she could lower it—

But it was too late.

The sight of their interlocked palms made her spin in place.

blog gifs by the gorgeous @realitycrusher. show her some love <33

[novaethecosplayer]

Dabi x Botanist!Reader: Meeting

Masterlist

The calm of pruning your indoor garden was always therapeutic. Just you, your plants, and music playing in your ear buds in the dimly lit space at 9:38 pm. You took in the fragrance of a nearby, recently bloomed, flower. The smell was sweet.

He, on the other hand, saw an opportunity to escape as he snuck through the open window into a plant nursery and shut it quietly. The space being too dark for him to believe the business owners or employees are still around. At a glance, the place has little security too. Perfect to hide away in as the sirens and shouts of heros begin searching further away. He moved around the room. Occasionally, lifting a flower closer to further inspect it.

As you moved from the back of the store to the front, you saw a figure a few feet away from the counter. A jump and a squeak escape you simultaneously; catching the figure's attention. You pull your ear buds out and put them away. 

"Geez man! You startled me!" You call out as you calm your rapid heartbeat. "We're closed. If it wasn't obvious by the light and neon sign being off. I suggest you come back tomorrow or make an online order for the morning." You assumed they were a customer and you forgot to lock the door when you officially closed for the day.

"Ah sorry." His raspy voice started you and you could feel the butterflies in your stomach at the sound of it and if it were brighter in here, you would have seen his eyes scan you over. "My.. uh.. little sister… is sad 'cause her crush doesn't like her and I wanted to cheer her up with some flowers." Dabi found it interesting that you thought he was a customer, but if that's what it takes not to be chased again, he'll take it. So he lied, using Toga as his scapegoat. He watched as your figure puts a hand over your heart.

"Awe.. poor thing. I've been there." You empathize with his sister.

"Haven't we all?'' He stated, trying to remember how to have a conversation with civilians as a civilian, not a villain. 

"True." You nodded before putting your hands on your hips and standing up straighter as you looked around the dimly lit room. "So! What type of flowers does she like?"

"Huh?" he questioned, thoroughly confused. "I thought you said you were closed.

"I am. But I'm also the owner and I wish someone would've done what you're doing for your sister for me… so I'll let it slide this time." You replied as you walked around towards him and winked at the end of your sentence; which went undetected.

"She… uh… likes the color red. I don't know much about plants." He found himself saying as he took note of your height compared to his.

"Hmm…" you hummed as you glanced about the room at all your red flowers. The meanings of each flower popping into your head as you scanned over it. "What about some poppies and… chamomile..?" You offer. Red and white look good together. "Poppies mean sympathy and chamomile stands for patience in adversity. So you'll be telling her you understand her plight, but if she is patient it will pass." 

"Sounds good to me." He replied, glancing at the window as he thought that he could no longer hear any of the commotion he started. Then he watched as you turned on the light; his heart panicking at you seeing him and creating another ruckus. But you just glanced at him and moved to your plants--cutting off some poppies and chamomile to arrange in a mini bouquet. Then you walked towards him and held out the bouquet for him to inspect.

"Looks good." He said, his throat constricting as you looked up at him expectantly. His eyes met yours in that moment and he swore he couldn't breathe. A small dusting of pink creeps onto the healthy part of his cheeks. He coughs.

"I'm glad!" You reply smiling widely at him, bouncing on your feet excitedly. He swore he saw your eyes shine with a kindness he hasn't seen in years and it stole his breath away.

"How much..?" He asked slowly, wondering if he even had money on him to pay for it.

"Take it." You reply with a smile, "She deserves flowers in her hour of need and you seem like a good big brother."

His blush worsened at the compliment. If only you knew the truth of what a horrible brother he actually is or rather just the horrible person that he actually is. "I can't--"

"I insist!" You push the bouquet gently into his hands and shoo him away towards the front door.

"...Thank you" He said softly before he discreetly unlocked the door and slipped out while you began tending to your flowers again. Completely unaware that you just gave a mass murderer free flowers for his psychotic villain teammate.

[daydreamodyssey]

This ended up being longer than I planned, so I'm sorry beforehand. It was about a whatever video of a girl using heightism, saying something stupid but possibly insidious, and me reflecting on our culture toward smallness, particularly with men and how it deals with gender.

(There's a fun present for those who read the whole thing, I promise!)

I saw a tiktok of a girl candidly and cheerfully saying she'd never date a short guy (5'8 or below, she was 5'2) because of a Napoleon complex.

Standard stuff, though still crossing into prejudice.

But then she goes off, in a chipper mood, about deleting them. That really stuck with me.

Best scenario, she just means deleting them off dating sites. Which is still crass and wouldn't fly if she said something similar about other attributes.

Worst scenario, which wouldn't be the first time I heard it, she means literally and physically delete them. She was talking to a guy out on the streets too, so this isn't done terminally online jerk. A lot of women saying they want men dead isn't cute or funny.

I hope people understand that having a preference or having a bad history with whatever group are different than this rhetoric. Even if that person can control something, as opposed to the near permanence of height, it shouldn't mean this group is inherently bad. The issue is the personality, not how long your limbs are or what genes you have. It's a really weird bioessentialism that says if you look different than your gender norm, you are a suspect and a creep in waiting.

There's also this other connection with many men smaller than (the US) average being men of color, which can have a racist and nativist tone. And since height can be affected by the environment, along with making many short people less likely to have high paying jobs and roles, there's probably a classist element, too. A lot of trans men are also short if you want to include transphobia, who already get barely any acknowledgement about how they're treated.

With a lot of women saying "it's in our genes or brains," and one I saw saying for short men to Stay In The Gym, there is this unspoken rule that men MUST be large and dominant or they're not seriously men. With the whole obsession over genetics and strong men, there is a dangerous overlap with trad and fascist ideals, especially with how radical right wing propaganda works (in the 30s/40s and now with the Chad Trad shit).

I don't think a lot of people, men or women, consciously think about this stuff. They could just be shallow assholes. But smallness is almost always seen as infantilism or criminality with no nuance in humanizing, let alone respect as lovers and workers. Maybe there's some taboo part of our private brain that still latches onto "big = strong against predators and rivals" and we don't want to admit and question it like with women and how we judge their looks.

When people say Napoleon complex, it's always vague, like it can mean anything from being aggressive to just being confident to someone taller. It doesn't mean anything and it just causes a Catch 22; you either accept your place on the arbitrary social ladder or you're insecure and in the spotlight. You can't win because you're not supposed to win.

For every short jerk, there's also a tall jerk. A tall jerk who has popularity, fans, girls, money, and literally more weight to throw around. Am I surprised there's a preference? No. I can still be upset about it because I'm human and I'm naturally going to be mad at things that feel unfair and need leverage. And I'm going to be upset when it feels ignored or derided because people don't want to admit they have biases that are more socially acceptable. I'm going to be upset that I and others who are around my height or even shorter have to push limits every day just be treated equally. I can't imagine having dwarfism and seeing these videos or hearing others on the street.

I hear pretty much everything from "short men are rapists for wanting women to be attracted to them" to eugenics and wanting us just dead. There's definitely other traits that compound the toll on a person (weight for myself) that can be greater or lesser, but it's definitely consistent and I've been seeing it rise over the years after some acceptance in the mid '10s.

We need to have honest conversations and reflections about our relationship with size and what it means to be a man. If you want to abolish the patriarchy but still insult a guy because he doesn't look as big and strong and dominant as other men, then you're playing the same side as the men in power or manosphere chuds. The amount of radfems I see hating short men is honestly funny. Like there's no tall misogynists or abusers out there.

If short men, or just A short man messed you up, I'm sorry you had to go through that. But it wasn't like he was infected with the Small Virus, he might've been just a jerk, the same way tall people might be jerks. Just understand that you're overlooking many people because of a bad experience and how dangerously close that mentality is when applying to other people, or toward yourself.

If you read long enough, I congratulate you, and I offer you this one hell of a title I saw in a flea market the other day.

[akuma-homura]

64

oh fuck yes akuma kourin made it on here too

I desperately want to make a V3 cover of this song, but uh. I do not have the range to get near a lot of the notes for this song, and since it's so distorted, using a vocal remover to rip the vocals for a midi doesn't work either.

eyelash flutter at anyone who might be able to have have a better time doing midis so i can do the cover,,,,? >KICKED

also i'm gonna ramble about this song because... i have a history with it

but also I have a history with this song. Like. Okay, first off, fun fact, it-- or at least the video?? was apparently an april fools project! Like I'm pretty sure at least the video for it was definitely >lets push its dark and ~disturbing~ nature for the giggles-- some parts making this obvious tbh.

But as a kid like, I didn't know this. It struck a chord in me in actually horrifying me. Plus like, admittedly, I was still in my deeply christian raised mindset too, despite some of my likes, so seeing something translating to Devil Ascends or whatever, seeing a pic of baphomet, seeing KAITO on the cross was like. Felt very blasphemous and scared me in that way too wheezes

but I was also. deeply fascinated with it. like it genuinely piqued 14 y/o me's interest despite being scared of it. (this also isn't surprising, my interest and love for KAITO literally started from me actually being creeped out by Yandere KAITO stuff but... being fascinated. Then RP's started, and that sealed it.)

so eventually I, a 14 year old who only knew english despite living in an area and family where I should have also learned Spanish too but it didn't catch with me, wanted to translate it myself to see what the fuck was going on in the song.

Of course, I didn't know Japanese at all. I didn't know how the language worked at all, I didn't even know how sentence structure or word structures worked for it.

But what I did have?

.....2009 era online machine translators.

You can imagine the quality that was spit out by them.

I used multiple of them though, not just Google-- I don't remember the names now, but. I basically translated lines with what was at least 4 different machine translators, also cross referenced some kanji and words with... fuck, was it wikipedia at the time? other google sites? I don't remember, and like. Wrote down my best understanding of the combination thereof.

again. you can imagine the quality of the translation.

BUT. it did at least give me SOMEWHAT of an idea of what was going on in the song... somewhat. Honestly I still felt a bit confused, but there was the general gist of

>...possible demon possession? Demon possession from computer....??? mental breakdown. Trying not to hurt a loved one bc of it I guess???? are they fucking crucifying him. oh he's hoping for god to save him in the final days or something

Honestly. It's one of the 'founding' songs in my head for Proto(the KAITO muse that eventually became 'mansionKai' with retwrites which bacame Kai / Kadin), among other certain yandere KAITO songs.

...because that's the thing, it's also a yandere KAITO song! So that's also some context to think of it in!

I always hoped someone else would see the song and want to do a Proper translation of it, but like... that never happened. Over a decade passed and I never saw a proper, good english translation for it. It's a shame, honestly.

Nowadays, with machine translations, Google Translate has actually notably improved-- and we have the likes of DeepL, too-- but. That doesn't always take into account of context, and other little intricacies when it comes to language and lyrics and such.

And like, I have a cleaned up DeepL translation on the reupload for the song now-- and it IS better than the one I put on it with annotations over a decade ago. But...

It definitely feels like >man. I need someone who actually knows the language and could see things I'm definitely missing to give this song a proper english translation.

(also, I admit, I also sometimes have a hard time grasping even just. how things are said in english sometimes, and what could be better said in english, and such things, so like, that doesn't help)

Anyhow, I do legitimately like the song. The fear of it has obviously passed, and finding out it was an april fools project kind of also has me like >haha. wow. i sure Experienced over what was a joke.

but hey, that's just how art is, I guess.

Honestly, with the DeepL translation, I do feel it still fits as a founding song for Proto, hahaha.

[antidotesprout]

Platonic Beloved! Hi! I've missed you!

I was on tumblr slightly less and when I was online, I was reconnecting with my roots, i.e simping over Hiei (Yu Yu Hakusho for anyone who may not recognize him). Little fire demon is who got me started on questionable, if not outright toxic, anime characters. I now have a million ideas for a fanfic I may not ever write due to time and energy restraints.

But I am back, and I've begun the process of catching back up on Submas things, starting here. OH MY GOD THE LEHUA PLUSHIE!!! I wanna hold her in my arms while I sleep! Carry her while I work! I wanna take her everywhere I go! She looks so good! Like legit official merch good. Good Smile Co has jack shit on your magic sewing hands. AND THE TWINS?!! Your's already look better than the covetted, $600 plus, official ones. You've made them so handsome and snuggly. I'm so excited to see progress on them. Everything you do is so stunning!

YAAAAAA always good to see you around Creep my dear 💖 no shake in reconnecting with out roots, and YYH is one of the best kinds of roots lol

And truly, thank you with all my heart 😤💖💖💖💖 I'm doing my best and starting a new type of sewing (I know how to sew garments well enough, but plushes sure have been different!)

[weabooweedwitch]

Girl do you love him or do you love the approval he gives you? Do you love him as a person for who he is, or is he the first guy to show you attention and you think he's the only guy who will ever be interested in you? Sorry if that's blunt but there's a key difference and you have to be careful with this stuff because you don't want your vulnerabilities to be taken advantage of. The speed at which you've gone from 'I like him he's a nice friend' to 'I love him' is a little concerning. Go slow!!! Figure out if he's actually worth your time, be on the lookout for red flags and don't gloss over them or ignore them just to keep the relationship. Figure out if you actually like *him* separate from his approval and validation, ask yourself which qualities he has that you like/find attractive. Any rando in the world could give you those 2 things, they have nothing to do with him as a person. And don't get attached too quickly, you need to be emotionally able to back out if he's showing major 🚩🚩🚩 at any point!

(source: dated a "nice guy" for those exact 2 reasons confusing it for love, 'fell in love' fast and basically ruined the life I had because he turned out to be a cheating abuser)

(I know I've been making a lot of long ass posts and answers lately, my bad :c, I actually was trying to reply to this during my shift and then was so bushed after I got home I fell asleep)

No you're totally right dont get me wrong, very valid concerns, and I think about this constantly because I don't want to fuck up and say something to him and turn around and not mean it or whatever, or like torally ruin our friendship and creep him out and chase him away. Idk. I guess I just think of our relationship and it's always been kind of weird but good in that online friend way?

So we met and began talking around 8, 9, 10 years ago and you know we were a little flirty back then but you know, nothing serious, we were mostly just buds talking about video games and such. And we just... our friendship back then is so similar to how it is now? Like I stopped talking to him before I turned 18 (for this exact same reason actually: catching feelings and feeling like I'm putting him in a weird position) and he sought me out this year all the time later sometime in August or November, like he literally scoured facebook for me, me specifically to reconnect because he lost people during the pandemic and had a few bouts of depression and was seeking lost connections and like. Talking to him feels exactly the same. Exactly the same. He often messages me first, to send memes or jokes or start talking about a topic, like we were talking basically every day, and since we reconnected it's been exactly the same? 🥺

But I also recognize like. There was about an 8 or so year gap in our communication so I guess we have only technically known each other for like 2 or 3ish years? But 🥺 it still feels the same. I still like talking to him. We agree on a lot of things and when we don't he is always respectful, he isn't one of those guys who starts shitting on you and demeaning you. And he doesn't enable me either! He's supportive of my mental health struggles and that I'm trying but he also pointed a lot of stuff out to me when I was spending time with him, like telling me I smoke way too much (his exact phrasing was "herb addled") and said I need to cut down for my health 🥺 and like lmao we got stoned and took a 3am walk to the 7/11 and he kind of, lol, stopped me from getting way too much food just because I had munchies, and also was trying to save me money because, you know, gas station food isn't always cheap

I dunno, he. Inspires me to be a better person. But I also recognize that even if we get along really well and have known each other for some time that I don't actually know a lot about him personally. Like I keep forgetting how old he is, I didn't know he had siblings, I only recently started finding out like his music tastes and such, idk. I want to learn more about him and share moments and things with him 🥺

We also just have a lot of really good conversations. Like it's weird we've just been able to talk so easily and so often without even knowing each other super personally which is the step that's coming now I guess?

I guess if I were to start listing things off about him that I like... He's very honest. I never have to be afraid he's secretly thinking something different; he's an open communicator, albeit a little blunt at times but he jokingly often refers to that as 'a side effect of the 'tism' but it's helpful you know? He doesn't mince words? Like he told me straight up that I tend to ramble sometimes because I'm insecure of the silence and that's totally correct. He encourages me to get away from my mom and kind of just my family in general, encourages me to be more of my own person. Like there have been so many many MANY conversations over the years and recently too where I'm just kind of venting to him and he gives me not just support but feedback, it's not just all "wow that sucks sorry to hear" but also "that's tough but it is a challenge you can overcome". There are so many times where I don't trust my own judgment and he's gone "no you didn't deserve that, that was really shitty, you didn't do anything wrong"

He's so smart 🥰 he's one of those guys that you go to tell him about something and he already knows, and also probably knows more than you do. He's getting a degree in botany or horticulture of some kind (his grades are so good too, he's shown me his like report card whatever, I'm so proud) and he's very avid and passionate about the environment and like, "being the change you want to see in the world". Like I loved going to his house and seeing all his gorgeous plants which he takes care of so meticulously and he knows all their scientific names and stuff. He grows succulents, man. Bitches love succulents

He's good at figuring out what he wants and working towards that goal. Hes good at regulating and setting boundaries on things that might be detrimental, like after I came back from the visit, he let me know that he was going to start turning his phone off at certain hours because of school now that jos break was over, he usually let's me know when he's going to bed so I'm not hanging on for a reply or anything. He's actually trying to distance from certain forms of like social media and online content because he thinks there's way too much stuff that's frivolous now and like, that can sometimes sound vaguely douchey but I actually totally agree? Like the amount of time I spend on my phone is insane and I know I'm wasting so much time on bullshit and I wish I could take control like he can

So uh, the uh, the night we had sex, right. I was going to use a rideshare service and no one was available and it was like 3am. And I was sitting there and he was saying "no I'm not going to let you try and walk out there at night it's not safe" and being caring like that and i just started crying and he started to hold me, like I was sitting in the couch and he was standing and he just hunched down to hold me because that was what I needed. I started apologizing, that I always felt like he's having to take care of me, that I hate being such a burden, and he soothed all those worries and just, kept holding me. He actually sat down on the couch next to me so he could hold me for a while as I just sobbed, squeezing me really tight, rocking me back and forth until I calmed down, which I eventually did, and it kind of came to the topic of where to sleep, and he says something like "it would be a lot easier to hold you if we were both lying down" which, was kind of going to be implied anyways. I kind of knew going up there we were probably going to get physical haha. But he wasn't bringing it up in a crazy way, you know? And when he was going into his bedroom and I kind of hesitated because I was nervous, he kind of, gave me this pause and this look like he was asking if I was coming but it was ok if I didn't, you know? He made sure I was OK, and I was. And we just lied in his bed cuddling as I sniffled and we just started talking about all sorts of stuff and, yeah

I mean. The sex itself was. Like. It's. Not to be cheesy but it was genuinely how I always wanted my first time to be, although this was my second time and the first was so icky we ain't gonna talk about it lmao. Perfect communication, asking how i felt, if I had any feedback, was there anything specific I wanted to do WHICH HE DID BTW fjfjgngjg. Like I felt SO comfortable and safe. I even got a little bold with him in ways that literally light my face on fire but it was because I trusted him so much. Like literally there was a point where he said I could do whatever I wanted to him and you know what I did? I started massaging his hand and arm where his injury is, I had him lay on his tummy so I could massage his back, because I wanted him to feel better, like ever since I hears he was injured I was wanting to try and help him like that 🥺

There were points where we were just, cuddling naked, just peaceful, feeling the warmth of each other's skin. I was the little spoon AND the big spoon and he'd be resting his head on my chest or tummy and I'd just be running my fingers through his hair and he also makes these little groaning noises when something feels good so it's like he purrs a little bit 🥰 and I mean. There was definitely some spice too but idk how comfortable you guys are in hearing those parts. Like for example there were a few times I kept accidentally bringing up my mom or rambling to be anxious and he would just silence me with a kiss because he knew I was anxious and shit. Or uh. Haha. He was kind of a biter so at some point he's trying to get an answer out of what something I would like to try was and I was being too shy so he just starts BITING ME like not hard but in a "ooo stop don't do that omg 🥰" kind of way until I came out and said it (and he did do it, quite enthusiastically too 🥵)

We talked a lot about my relationship with my mom and one of his biggest pieces of advice was something like "your mom is shitty for sure but the way you are holding on to your anger is making things worse. You're getting bent out of shape over very small things at this point and you're only stressing yourself out, you need to let some of that rage go and move on". He's actually been studying aspects of Buddhism and tries to incorporate some of those aspects into his life which o also really like, he also burned incense in his room which had a nice smell 🥰

I. I dont know. Like I fully recognize I need to spend more time with him and get to know him more before I make any significant decisions but. My heart is such a mess. Even if it's unhealthy or weird I know I feel. Even if it's temporary. Even if it's because I'm a freak. Nothing has to be said or done now. I just want to see him. Spend time with him. Support him. Recently he had an incident with a girl he liked and was talking to and spending time with and he invited her to spend time with him and she suddenly said "you make me uncomfortable" and gave him a really bad depressive episode? And he said during our visit, "yeah I'm gonna keep trying but next time it falls through I'm giving up on dating apps" and like. Last night I was thinking... if it's making him feel so depressed and alone... I would completely humiliate myself just to soothe him. I'd tell him I love him and how much he means to me and say "even if you don't want me, even if I'll never be that person for you, I want you to know you're capable of making people feel this way and you're worthy of love and even if it isn't me I know you'll find someone someday because youre smart and caring and responsible and wonderful"

And I mean... that's love isn't it? 🥺

[jess-le-mess]

Feedist Kinktober 2024 - Day 6

Prompt: Ocean's Delight 🌊

[Content notes: fat cis woman main character; cw body issues; introspection]

Mermaid

There are a couple of things about me that no one knows. Not my Mom. Not my therapist. Not even my best friend Dana.

Thing one: I own a bikini. It's just my size, which was a small miracle considering I bought it online because I was too terrified to try buying something so incendiary in person, like I’d be sent to fashion jail or body jail for daring to be Scantily Clad While Also Fat.

The top is comfy, the cup size is just right, and the bottoms do not dig into me. The set is light blue and fuchsia with kind of a starburst-slash-galaxy pattern on it. It makes me feel really graceful and beautiful, in spite of my shitton of body issues.

The second secret thing I know is that the hotel pool near my apartment is open late if you know Lillian, the girl at the front desk, because you tutored her in English to help her get this exact job several months ago.

I really like swimming, actually. I'm a really graceful swimmer. The movements come naturally to me, and I love the feeling of the water on my skin, that feeling of lightness that is just unmatched.

But I don't like how people look at me when I'm out at a beach or something. Not everyone looks at me with disgust necessarily, but it's like everyone's eyes are drawn to me and I cease to be a person and become Fat Girl in a Bikini. It makes me feel so un-personed that I've learned to just not bother.

But here, I can do what I want. I can be a creature of the ocean all I want. A mermaid, but like a friendly one. Not the ones that drag men to their deaths or whatever.

Well some men maybe.

This time of night, the pool is has only a few overhead lights on, so I'm half in darkness. But it's enough to see my body, distended-looking and distorted by the illusion created by the water.

It's at a time like this where I can feel the thought creeping up on me that maybe----and it's a tiny maybe, almost a nothing of a whisper---my body, with its chubby thighs, its belly that hangs down, its stretchmarks and countless other little blemishes and marks of a life lived is okay. Maybe better than that, it's perfect.

It's gotten me this far, after all. It's always been there for me, even when no one else has. That's gotta count for something, right?

I catch a glimpse of myself in the reflection of the darkened window of the lifeguard's office. A ghostly silhouette of a curvy woman stares back at me; she's in a bikini that fits her just right. She looks graceful, beautiful.

I smile at her for a moment, and then dive back into the cool darkness of the hotel pool after hours, and become a mermaid again.

[living-in-neo]

Embracing the Digital Wave: A Tech-Enthusiast's Day in the Life

Greetings from my virtual world! In the hectic world of now, technology is essential to our day-to-day existence. I'm accompanied by an abundance of technological innovations that easily fit into my everyday life and increase ease and effectiveness from when I wake up until I go to bed. Come along as I walk you over a normal day in my technologically advanced existence.

Daytime Schedule

My digital alarm system gradually urges me up with calming music as the daylight creeps in my windows.  It's linked to my phone and tracks my sleep habits so that when I wake up, I'm energized and prepared to take on the day.

I head to the bathroom where I press a switch to heat water for my morning shower, ready to start a refreshing morning. 

Paradise of Leisure 

Time to relax and enjoy some amusement after a successful school week. I have a ton of films, TV series, and songs at my disposal that are catered to my tastes thanks to online platforms services like Netflix, Youtube, Apple TV and Apple Music. Moreover, I always use TikTok, Facebook, and X (formerly twitter) to keep up with the latest news, and entertainment.  Digital media brings the couch to life, whether I'm finding new music or catching up on the newest show.

Meditation Before Bed

I go to my bed haven at the end of the day. A new day full of modern wonders comes to a conclusion as I listen to some soft podcasts. I can't stop marveling at how seamlessly digital and smart technology have integrated into my life to improve every element of it when I go to bed. 

In summary, technology has transformed how we spend our time and interact with everything around us, making it an essential component of modern life. Thanks to the abundance of digital and smart technologies that enable me to fully live life, my day flows smoothly from dawn to dusk.  Let's seize the opportunity presented by the digital revolution to improve lives, gradually. 

[crazykuroneko]

Mayfair Witches Ep 8 (Finale)

- the prophecy. is it a thing in the book? I don't think it is, right? Using "prophecy" makes me feels like I'm back to Percy Jackson, which is kinda ironic lol

- The music is banger

- There are some points where certain characters have the potential to be interesting (Diedre, Carlotta, Jojo), but the writing didn't let them

- Why is Lasher's hair getting worse? What are those silly curls?

- It feels so weird and jarring seeing a very childlike behavior from Rowan, an adult matured surgeon, then it turned into lust. Like, for a sec she's acting like Claudia when she's 14 there, I thought her mind degressed. But suddenly she looked like she's about to jump Lasher when Lasher hasn't started to kiss her hand. I mean, it really went from 0 sexual tension (playful even) to 100 let's fuck????? That whole scene is so 🥴

- Cip finding out Cortland's secret from scanning a mask is so random, and I understand they only wanted to make the r*pe suggestive, but I wish Cortland touching her in a way that looks creepy, not making me wondering, "What is he doing??" instead. I mean, if I didn't already read the Mayfairs' family tree online I wouldn't have catch it. I know Cip spelling it out right away, but GOD this is based on a horror book, don't shy from the creepy!

- Oh, they're trying a trippy mind journey like Legion. Trying is the operative word though.

- The baby is weird. I mean, if he means to be Rowan and Cip's child, he's supposed to be half Black. Or if he's supposed to grow to have same appearance as Lasher's the spirit, his hair should be brunette, but it looks like blonde??

- I don't know if I like the ending. I mean, i know the story in Mayfair Witches books are all over the place and they have to sort ot somehow, but from what I read that Rowan always resists Lasher and she really loves Michael/Cip, she went away to keep him safe basically. This ending though makes Rowan more unlikeable. For the whole show we're supposed to sympathize with her struggle to not addicted to her power. But here she just let it all go. It makes you question, what's the point to follow her next season then?

For a show that is supposed to be a supernatural thriller drama, I was hoping to be afraid, anxious, creeped out, and questioning everything in a way that it makes you want to watch the show more, want to pay more attention to get a glimpse of the mysteries. But instead I feel the writers have lost the plot, they're too afraid the embrace the horror the material presented, more focused to make the show "trendier" that they've turned the show into this incorrigible mush.

[trxubadour-blog]

acerbicsamurai replied to your post

SCREAMS INTO THE HEAVEN BRRRIIIITTT

[fool-who-dreams]

unintentional mystery

Summary - The mysterious Sherlock Holmes has unintentionally been keeping his biggest secret from everyone: you.

"John!" Sherlock called urgently from the dining room. "John!" He continued insistently as he fixed his scarf around his neck. "John!" He yelled once more, this time knocking on the bathroom door.

"For Pete's sake, what are you doing at my house, how did you get in!" The bathroom door swung open, revealing an angry John wrapped in shower towels.

"Key's anger the doormat. Oldest trick in the playbook. You told me about it."

"I never told you where my key was!"

"Not with your words." Sherlock rolled his eyes knowingly. "Can we go now? The truth awaits."

"A new case? Alright, give me five minutes and-" John sighed, hurrying to his bedroom.

"I'll meet you there." Sherlock shouted, leaving the house.

"Fascinating. Isn't it?" Sherlock asked John, leaning closer to the crime scene.

"A gutted corpse? Not really." John replied. And to think he was so close to becoming Sherlock Holmes' roommate. At the very last minute, though, John had found a cheap comfortable place just around the corner. Nothing stopped Sherlock from involving John in his every move.

Seeing him in the distance, you and your colleague Greg approached the familiar faces. "Mr Holmes, you have arrived." Lestrade pointed out.

"Clever deduction Inspector, what gave it away?" He replied wittily.

"Pleasant, as always." You remarked sarcastically.

"Shut up y/n, you couldn't bear this job without me."

"Mr. Watson," You chimed in, ignoring the curly-haired detective. "pleased to finally meet you. Sherlock has said loads of wonderful things about you." You revealed, stretching your hand towards John.

He shook your hand, quite puzzled. "He is capable of that?"

"Well, not really...it's more that he hasn't affronted you as much as he usually does to people. It's as far as it goes, I'd be proud if I were you." You smiled, amused. "I am y/n, I'm the coroner affiliated with this case." You explained to the former doctor. "Oh, and try to solve it within a couple hours dear, would you?" You asked Sherlock, slowly stroking his covered arm.

"Nonsense! Take your time Sherlock, we all are having such a great time. Aren't we?" Lestrade winked at you, to which you had to keep yourself from making a disgusted face. He wasn't a bad man, he just wasn't your man. You nodded, fake smiling to your colleague before turning to Sherlock.

"Hurry." You almost threatened.

"Why? Got plans?" He asked, almost annoyed. 'Maybe even jealous' John thought.

"Not really. But-"

"Then you won't mind joining me for dinner." He cut you off wittily. "We'll raise a toast to my ability to solve a case of this complexity in just 'a couple of hours'." He proposed, still not taking his eyes off the scene.

'Okay, wait. Is Sherlock actually- flirting?' John thought again.

"Ask me again when you've cracked this." You replied with a smirk. You turned around, starting to walk away, when the genius' voice had you stopped in your tracks.

"It was his wife. After stealing his wedding ring, she must've sold it. Probably online. The one he's wearing is not authentic, and the tie is undone, which means he wasn't actually coming back from work but rather, given the lipstick stain, from an encounter with his mistress. The woman must've found out. It's a jealousy crime." Sherlock said in one breath. "Care to join me now?" He asked with a satisfied smirk, actually looking straight into your eyes for the first time since he had arrived.

"How could I refuse?" You chuckled.

"Well, well...it appears this is my lucky day." Sherlock commented, pulling you in by the waist to stamp a kiss on your lips. You felt your cheeks getting warmer, and a smile creeping onto your face.

"I'll see you at home." You pecked him again before catching up to Lestrade and the rest of the team.

"Okay." John tried to keep his composure, but miserably failed. "What is going on here?" "I thought I had been clear enough. A jealousy crime. Although money was evidently involved in-" "Not that! Why did you kiss Y/N? And why was she kay with it?"

"Well John, don't you kiss your wife?" He asked, starting to walk away.

"A wife?!" John asked in disbelief. "What's next? I'll find out you have kids? A mistress?"

"Oh no" Sherlock chuckled. "If I had a mistress, I probably would have ended up like him by now." Sherlock replied, pointing back at the victim of the case he had just solved.

"Will you advice me a nice place for today's dinner?" Sherlock added. "I need something special for our second anniversary."

"YOU'VE BEEN MARRIED TWO YEARS?!"

[seawitch62]

Are you safe? Online or home? Safe?

Word count 571

Mentions of online stalking and dick photos, home intruders.

Yandere

            Unfriended. 

"This guy is a creep! Dick photos really! Unfriend" going through all the steps to unfriend the creep, mission accomplished I should have gone with my gut instinct in the first place. All the direct messages, the personal questions he was invading my privacy like a pest, unfriend the social media  post control. Where do you live? Vague, always reply with non descriptive vague answers.  What's your digits? Who talks like this? No you are not getting my number. The feeling that this creep was stalking my online activity. No proof, just a feeling. Now dick photos. I feel safer already. 

■

'You will regret this' what does this mean? What no more dick photos laughing out loud. A momentarily pause of unease, dont be stupid he is online he doesn't know where you live, your phone number or for that matter your name, he is just talking through his ass!

Block!.

🎲

"Just great!" The shower rose continues to drip, "damn it". 

The main office politely informs  they will send someone to look at it, as soon as possible. 

Knock knock knock.

Opening the door, San stands on the entranceway, overalls covering his frame, the apartment logo embroidered into the fabric, holding what can only be assumed as a tool kit. "Shower probs?" He asks in a polite congenial manner. Yes yes. San makes polite conversation as he works and fixes the issue. Once the job is completed "nice to meet you, if you have any other problems, call me" he hands over a piece of paper with a number. "Thank  you".

■

In the ensuing weeks, San waves as he passes on the maintenance buggy, a genuine smile canvases his face. Nice guy. 

"I'm just being paranoid," although I'm positive I did not use that coffee mug this morning. Looking into the Refrigerator, something is wrong. I just can not place my finger on it. 

Examining the shampoo bottle, "how much have I used? When did I buy it?" On closer inspection the conditioner seems to be lower than expected. The towels are still damp? 

■

A very faint scent of men's cologne lingers in the air, looking around 'am I alone?'  Frantically  searching the apartment, under the bed, the closest, every nook and cranny in fact. I am alone! Maybe a  maintenance guy was here? No! We always inform you beforehand, apartment rules. Just my imagination then.

♧

"I can't find them anywhere?" Searching the drawers, the laundry basket, everywhere. "Dammit I just bought them" frustration edging the tone. Frigging sick of the dryer stealing my knickers.

How many pairs have gone AWOL? Lost count! It's not  like they are cheap! Guess I will order more, sighing.

■

"Dirt!" I know this is not me! I would not traipse dirt through the apartment aimlessly.  The dirt trail leads to the kitchen bathroom and bedroom. Sweeping up the soil, had to be the maintenance guys! Right?

"No there was no scheduled maintenance for your apartment"

Are you sure?  Nothing in the books.

■

Unlocking the door, the scent of men's fragrance is looming and drifting within. Flicking on the light switch,  "what the fuck!".

The apartment is plastered with dick photos, they cover all the walls, everywhere you look the photo mocks you. Stunned and stumbling walking through the apartment, something on the bed catches the eye.

A note in bold black lettering.

'You can not block me!'.