jess-le-mess

[jess-le-mess]

It's darkly fascinating to me that there are blogs on here entirely dedicated to just bashing fat people. I come across them now and then when they comment some bile on my posts. Imagine spending time on that? Imagine going on tumblr (or elsewhere for that matter) to spread hate and nothing else. These people's brains must be such grim places to live. Like... I get annoyed and sad at first when I read their comments, but whenever I sit with them for a minute or two I just feel sorry for them honestly. If it feels that important to be mean, I doubt you're at peace with yourself.

[jess-le-mess]

Bein fat is good and normal and its hot and its morally neutral and its the best thing ever and it's just a way some people exist

[jess-le-mess]

I don't know how to articulate this well, but I really fucking hate the way a lot of thin writers write fat characters. Like how men write women "breasting boobily" there is something so dehumanizing about how fat characters are often written. "He waddled", "he lumbered", the writer of the book I'm reading always mentions this characters "fleshy hand" when he does something with his hand. Like, we already know that he's fat. There is no need to describe everything he does as "doing it fatly".

[jess-le-mess]

Merry Christmas 🎄

[jess-le-mess]

Recipe for guilt-free doughnuts.

[jess-le-mess]

Things I like about this decal on a restaurant window: -the insane orange waiter -that he’s carrying his plates in the air like a strongman -the couple looks like this isn’t the first time he’s done this, but it’s easier to just let it happen at this point. -the sign says PASTA as if he’s screaming it like a frankenstein -but he’s holding a plate of an entire chicken and a plate of wine glasses -there’s three wine glasses -one’s for him.

[jess-le-mess]

to love fat women is human, to love fat women publicly and defend them from the evils of society even at the cost of your own standing is divine

[jess-le-mess]

can people please stop filming the entire fucking world around them for public consumption? and especially random fucking strangers who you did not ask???

I work at a park and man the front desk. and I'm photographed and filmed a lot. I'm talking easily 20+ times per day. most of the times, it's parents filming me swearing in their kids as junior rangers. which. they're intending to film their kids. what they get is me and the back of their kids' heads.

there's this recurring problem that like. people forget we're real people? like yeah you're filming your kid, but you're filming me interacting with your kid. I could count the amount of times someone has asked me permission to do this in the past year on one hand. and sometimes that's after they already start filming.

Like, I'm not an actor. I did not agree to this. You could be a dick and make the argument that I'm a public figure, but I'm not. This is not a persona and my uniform is not a costume. I'm a person trying to do my job and help people and teach them about science and history. And you know what makes it harder to do that? The knowledge that anything I say or do could end up shared with thousands of people. The fact that if I fuck up the wording of this kid's junior ranger pledge, or I sneeze, or make some basic mistake, it's not just a funny or embarrassing moment for me and this one family. It could end up on tiktok.

And okay, those are the people intending to film their own kids and not thinking or caring about the collateral. What's worse is the people who film everything. A few times a week some guy walks into the visitor center, phone already horizontal in front of their face, narrating what they're doing and seeing. They come up to the desk and ask me questions, phone in my face. They take wide establishing shots of the visitor center and every visitor in it. None of us agreed to this! None of these people consented to be in your youtube video! We are not the fucking set dressing of whatever travel instagram story you're making!

I don't know where I'm going with this. This is really only the tip of the iceberg. Sometimes people ask us to repeat what we just did - swear in their kid, or explain a detail, or hand them a fucking map - so they can get a second take, and they're already filming so if we say no we look like the asshole. Sometimes we're asked innocuous things like to point out a landmark, and next week there's a photo of us in the 15,000 member Rangers Pointing at Things facebook group (yep, real thing). One time my entire 45 minute evening program was filmed without my permission and I was informed after the fact. This happens all the time, and I'm giving park ranger examples, but this happens to so many people in service work or public positions every single fucking day.

I guess just, next time you go to film in a public space, take a second. Think about who you're about to film, if they agreed to that, what might happen if a video of them went viral. there's a reason I'm not out as trans at work. And then, maybe. don't. or at least fucking ask.

[jess-le-mess]

It’s all about growth — flourish and become luxurious

[jess-le-mess]

FUCK IT for all the posts i've seen of people talking about how they want more asks everyone is still too shy to send them: so HERE

by reblogging this you are asking people to send you asks, silly cat photos, memes, oc infodumps, random headcanons, wips, questions about your ocs and faves, or litterally just saying 'hi'

I will personally be visiting the inboxes of my moots/followers who reblog this, I have quite the hamster photo collection in need of sharing

[jess-le-mess]

I’m made of fat, stretch marks, wrinkles, rolls and discoloration; and I’ve got invisible disabilities. I’m also living my best pink, vintage glamour, angelic aesthetic life. A lot of people think they can’t do/have/be both.

I am here to tell you that my body type and my style are inextricably linked through mutual celebration. I use my body and all its quirks and imperfections to celebrate my love of beauty and glamour. I use glamour and beauty to celebrate my love of my body. It’s a glorious cycle that I never want to break from.

For a lot of people, it’s hard to find body peace, and some people fear they’ll never get there. But please, for the love of Venus, keep trying. The rewards may seem slow to come but they are there.

♡

[jess-le-mess]

i hate everything and everyone telling me, implicitly or explicitly, that my poor health is the consequences of my actions. that it's about my diet or my activity levels or not doing enough treatments or relying too much on aids or medication, it's very tiring. and it creates this constant stress of having to constantly think about how to manage your health in the ideal or optimal way. and they actually don't even care. even if you follow treatment exactly as directed and things don't get better, or even get worse, that barely gets you pass being treated like you aren't doing enough, and even then they'll recommend the same treatments that failed. there is this constant pressure on disabled people to be model humans in a way that abled people themselves couldn't meet. to do exercise and eat well and never drink or smoke, to keep your stress down low, to vary your activities. like i wonder what they think being disabled means if they think you can work your way into managing it all perfectly.

[jess-le-mess]

i know it's hard. but i so firmly believe the strongest antidote to loneliness is reaching out first. and continuing to reach out. again and again and again. excise any scrap of shame you hold about being the person who texts first or pitches the plan or asks to get lunch. everyone is tired and busy and struggling. and afraid of feeling unwanted and unimportant. don't let the people you love feel that way. reach out first. don't be a ghost in your own life.

[jess-le-mess]

when you have an ed for a significant enough amount of time, it can be hard to tell what things you do are distinctly you and what's the ED influencing you.

i've been vegetarian for over 20 years (roughly about the same amount of time I've had an ED). i never i had a real reason. the original reason was that a friend of mine did it and so i thought "yeah, ok." it seemed like a good way to rebel and of course ED reasons.

but it got me a lot of attention? it made me feel special. i loved always being able to go to a function and being "the vegetarian." like i felt like it made me stand out even though i didn't otherwise do that.

anyway, the other night i was at an event and had chicken. i figured there was like a 50% chance i'd have some severe reaction or something, but nope! and today i had a chicken samosa.

i don't think i'll ever make the full swing toward eating meat with every meal or anything. i'm too experienced with cooking vegetarian food to really want to make that kind of change, and i see no reason to as it'd be just another restriction. but i do feel proud of myself for being willing to challenge all assumptions and behaviors i have around food.

[jess-le-mess]

they should make weight loss ads illegal and I’m not kidding

[jess-le-mess]

First time two Plus Size Male Models have been on the cover of a fashion magazine.

Please share.

[jess-le-mess]

i've discussed in therapy about how i'm some form of neurodivergent (undiagnosed), and how i can use that knowledge to better manage my reactions to things and self-soothe.

along those lines, one of my special interests is food. i love talking to anyone and everyone about the history of food, food prep, different flavours, just anything.

and my therapist, knowing this and knowing my struggles with ED, has been really gently affirming of this. she always asks a food-related question at the end of session (like "what's for dinner?" or "did you try any good desserts lately?") and just encouraging me to show my special interest a little.

we talk about masking sometimes in our sessions. sometimes when i find i get really burned out, it can be due to too much masking that i'm not even aware i'm doing.

so lately i do wonder if my struggles with food are at least in part a masking response, like desperately trying to be what i think neurotypicals want.

certainly the typical need for control in ED is there, but i wonder if the fact that it's also something i in particular see as a special interest is why i doubled down so hard on restriction.