#you absolute ingrates

[megabunnie]

I cannot stress this enough to the people living in my house, but when you make food you then need to put away the left overs. Properly.

[redux-iterum]

DON'T LET LYNX BE THE VOICE OF REASON, DO WHAT YOU WANT AND LET THE READERS SUFFER AND BE HAPPY!! (this is a joke)

If you want a good mental image of our friendship, imagine a scraggly Chihuahua-mix mutt straining against a leash, choking itself out, and a bipedal lynx holding it back with a very exasperated, tired face.

[to-the-batcomputer]

i don't understand why they created one of the most compassionate yet still complex bruce waynes with the animated series and then turned him into an old bitch (/negative) in batman beyond

[reobsessed]

Unfamiliar Waters

Pairing: Tav X Astarion, Reader X Astarion. Gender neutral. Content: Bathing, kissing, hair washing, fluff, comfort, slight conflict that gets resolved immediately, no sex, minor mention of torture. 1500 Words. Summary: You were in dire need of a bath after a harrowing fight outside the inn you were staying at. Unfortunately you find the tub already occupied by Astarion. In an attempt to bond with and get him out of there, you offer to wash his hair. Another short Astarion fic I started a while ago. Wanted to do something fluffy and intimate without any sex. Thanks again to Suri for edits and help with lines and the title!

You flung open the wooden doors, uncaring as wood chipped against lavender painted walls. Just as you were halfway through discarding your shirt, an indignant cry caught you off guard.

“What in the sweet hells, do you mind?!” The towel and toiletries fell from your hands. You’d never been very perceptive and today was no exception. Already fully submerged in the tub was Astarion; chest bare slumped over the side, a dripping copy of the Baldur’s Mouth Gazette in hand.

“Astarion?! I haven’t seen you in hours, is this where you’ve been?” You spluttered. “We really could have used your help. There was a fight right outside the inn. There’s absolutely no way you didn’t hear the commotion.”

“Some of us take pride in our appearances and besides, I needed time away from that festering group of ingrates.” As if to emphasise his point he shuddered. “You know, you could all learn a lot from me, starting with regular bathing.”

“And how exactly are any of us meant to bathe when you’re in the bathroom four hours every day?”

“Oh I don’t know, Baldur’s Gate has plenty of scenic rivers and lakes. I’m sure the bear has no problem leading each of you to nature’s finest bathhouse.”

You rubbed your temples with a freehand. As much as you loved this man, he could really start to grate on your nerves after a while. You scooped up your belongings and made your way over to him, arranging your towel neatly on the floor beside you.

He looked up from the paper disinterestedly. “As much as I love your company, dear, I hope you’re not planning on joining me. I hardly think this,” he gestured disapprovingly at the tub, “can fit us both.”

“Astarion, if there’s anything I can do to cut this exceedingly long bath short, I would be more than happy to assist.”

His eyes widened momentarily. How stupid of you, you hadn’t considered the implications of what you’d said. 

“No, no, that's quite alright. I’ve still got my hair to wash and that’ll take at least another half an hour.”

Perching yourself on the edge of the tub beside him, you began rolling up your sleeves.

“Then allow me.” You smirked.

He flung the sodden paper to the floor and stared at you dumbfounded. “You mean you- wash my hair. I’m sitting here naked, dripping and gorgeous and all you want to do is ‘wash my hair’?”

“Couples do things for each other. Things outside of sex and combat, I might add,” you sniped back. Using your fingers, you began combing through his dampened locks.

“Without the sex, I suppose that leaves only the one thing we do together then.”

“That’s true.” His body tensed. “No, no wait- '' Flustered, you wrapped your arms around his shoulders and pressed your forehead against the back of his head. A feeble gesture, intended to soothe him and buy you enough time to explain.

“Just kidding,” you could hear the smirk in his voice, but you knew it wasn’t genuine.

“I like doing other things with you,” you mumbled into his curls. “I don’t care about the sex.” You relaxed your hold, allowing him to turn around to face you. Delicately, you reached out and wiped a stray piece of hair from his forehead. As you did so, his unnaturally pale cheeks took on a darker hue, perhaps from the heat or from your touch, you weren’t sure.

He cleared his throat and turned away again. “I see then. Well, this is as good a time as any to try something new.” 

“Really?!” your head perked up. “I’m so excited, haven’t washed anyone else's hair since I left home.” You began swirling a hand in the tepid water, carefully choosing a spot faraway from where Astarion sat. “Did you and your siblings ever do this for each other? Like my family did,” you asked without thinking.

He shot you an incredulous glare, which soon contorted into sarcastic glee. “Oh, of course we did! And then in between our torture sessions we’d paint each others’ nails! What good fun it was.” His smile dropped and he fell backwards into the bath, splashing you in the process.

You scratched the back of your head. “Sorry I-”

He waved his hand dismissively. “Leave it, my love. No use dwelling on all that now.” You nodded your head in agreement, not that he could see you. “Come now, we don’t have all day.” 

You hummed in agreement, looking over the various bottles that sat on a shelf beside the bath. Astarion was a very particular man and you didn’t wish to upset him by, god’s forbid, using the wrong fragrance. You gestured towards the selection of shampoo. “What’s your poison?”

“Hmm, I think today I‘m in the mood for jasmine- no wait- night orchid and ginseng- actually, that honey shampoo sounds positively delicious.”

“Might net you some unwanted attention from our camp bear,” you joked, hands sifting through the knots in his hair.

“Fair point. Alright then, I think I’d like to try that raspberry one, the one you got from that dear little market stall.” 

The same one you liked to use.

With a gentle firmness you cupped the sides of his head. You hoped it was enough to stop him from turning around and seeing the pure glee etched onto your face.

“Alright, I need to get it wet, lean back,” you instructed, as you scooped up a handful of water.

He did as he was told and reclined backwards, eyes closed and squinted, anticipating the stream of water. Doing this for your brothers and sisters had been easy. Hells, you could get away with lobbing them in the river and they’d be just fine. Astarion, on the other hand, required a more delicate touch (even if he’d never admit to it) and you were more than happy to cater towards him.

With slow precision you poured the cooling water over his scalp, immediately pushing back any stray drops that threatened to drip down into his eyes. 

Gods, how was it possible for such a man to be so beautiful and how was it that such a man had chosen you as his partner? Your hands stopped and your gaze lingered, as you took in his picturesque features.

An eyelash heavy with steam peeled open, giving you an inquisitive look.

“Enjoying the show, darling?” A thick, humid heat bloomed across your cheeks. “By all means, keep admiring me.”

“Shut up and close your eyes!” You grabbed the bottle from the side and began lathering it in your hands. The familiar fragrance filled your nostrils and despite having grown accustomed to having it as your own scent, you were looking forward to how it smelt on him.

You rubbed the foam through your fingers, fully enveloping his hair in a thick mousse. As your nails dragged across his scalp you heard him moan. 

“That feels positively wonderful.”

“Oh yeah, like this?” you asked, repeating the same motions as before. He mmm-ed softly, sinking further into your hold. You paused for a second, this might be the most satisfied sound you’d ever heard coming from his lips, not a bad thing of course, given his past experiences. 

His eyes were open again, staring up at you, face awash with bliss. 

“Itching for a taste are we?” he goaded lightly.

There was no use dignifying that with a response. You brought your lips down upon his, his head still clasped in your hands. It was brief and sweet, reminiscent of those first kisses you’d once shared with young lovers. Unthinkable that such innocent yearning could be reclaimed so late in life. 

Reluctantly you broke the kiss and pulled away.

“I do rather like that, you know…”

“I know and so do I.” You beamed. “Okay now can you please hurry up so I can have a bath,” you pleaded, peppering his mouth with more kisses.

“Always so demanding,” came his curt reply (the audacity). Nonetheless, he complied and finished up. 

A deep sigh of relief escaped your lips after finally lowering yourself into freshly ran water. About halfway through wetting your hair, a freezing pair of hands on your shoulders caught you off guard.

“Astarion!” you shrieked. The little rogue had snuck up behind you.

“Oh, do be quiet, and don’t splash me. Wouldn’t do to get me wet again.” You watched as he rifled through the shampoo bottles disapprovingly. “We must go to the market together again soon, darling, just the two of us. I know just the product that’s perfect for your hair type, might do something about that helmet musk too.”

You opted to ignore that last dig, instead choosing to relish in the satisfaction of a warm bath and your lover threading his fingers through your hair. “I’d like that,” you hummed happily. 

A contented silence descended over the room. You felt at peace and when you saw him hovering above you with that serene grin on his face, you knew he felt the same.

[shotmrmiller]

absolutely not a smoker but

imagine stepping out of that rowdy pub you tend to visit with your friends. The chilly evening air cooling your overheated skin.

The place can get a little too lively, sometimes you have to step out to take a breather. Or a smoke break, like in this instance.

Placing the lit cigarette in the corner of your mouth, you lean back against the brick wall of the establishment, feeling the cold seep through your jacket. Tipping your head back, you gaze at the night sky; shimmering specks of light scattered across the deep darkness, with the full moon gently illuminating the surroundings.

And then the pub doors squeal as they swing open, but you keep your eyes up and away.

Gravel crunches under the person's feet as they walk. Only for those footsteps to get closer to you.

God fucking damnit. You don't want to talk to anyone right now- your social battery is currently charging.

Exhaling softly, you close your eyes and open them as you turn to look at whoever is approaching and... the cigarette almost slips from your fingers from the fright.

A man that's a head taller than most, shoulders too broad, chest like a barrel. His thigh was the size of both of yours pressed together. He wore all black- the leather jacket creased around where the sleeves and where the elbow crooks. Well-worn but still in good condition.

But what almost sent your heart into failure was the skull balaclava mask he wore over his face.

Fucking hell, why is he staring at you like that?

Tapping the smoke with your pointer, you place it back in your mouth and pull the sides of your open jacket over your midsection, crossing your arms after.

"Can I help you?"

His response is immediate. "Bum a cig off ya?" he asks, a mancunian accent heavy on his tongue.

Shrugging to yourself, you shake the box and offer him the one, which he takes without even a thank you.

Ingrate.

"Got a match?"

Wordlessly, the lighter clicks once and a weak flame comes out of it. Only to get snuffed by the crisp breeze. Your thumb rotates the spark wheel once again, but this time you cup your hand around the pathetic little fire.

It holds long enough, so you watch him pull the mask up just enough to put the smoke in between his thin, chapped lips and lean forward to the lighter in your hands.

A warm puff of air extinguishes the flame.

His dark eyes cut to you- dark, nondescript. You flick the tip of your cigarette with your tongue in frustration.

Then his gaze wanders to the dim, orange glow on the other end. "Bum the light, then."

Your eyebrows shoot to your hairline but otherwise do as he says- rising to the tiptoes, and draw in a steady breath, the burning end flaring.

His face gets too close to what anyone would deem appropriate, getting a real good view of his unfairly long, wispy ash-brown lashes that framed his eyes.

The furl of smoke begins to rise, stinging your nose, and he finally straightens, the lit cigarette bouncing in his mouth.

The silence after is comfortable, just two complete and utter strangers having a smoke.

Tossing the filter to the ground, you step on it and crush it with your heel as exhale the remnants of it. A small wave his way and you head back inside.

If you'd paid any sort of attention, you would've noticed that the smoke that came out of his mouth was too thick, concentrated. As if it just sat there, instead of going through his lungs.

He gives it 3 more minutes before putting out his own, nearly full cig under his boot and following right behind you.

[egg-emperor]

Why I love how Eggman talks about Maria in the Shadow 101 + the connection that can be made to his feelings on Shadow:

I love this part so much and I wanna go into way too much detail and depth to explain why lol

The things this could imply are things I've thought about for a long time and to keep getting new official things that align with my theories on how he feels about Maria lately with Frontiers and now this is awesome!

First of all, I wouldn't say him taking Maria's death personally is an example of him having good standards or implying genuine moral goodness above G.U.N, considering he was cool with pointing a gun at Amy's head, who is around the same age as his cousin was who died via bullet, aboard the very place she died on.

He really didn't care about how he would've been no better than the soldier that killed his similarly aged cousin, with the same weapon, in the same place!

With the harshness of his threats and how he gets increasingly pissed during Crazy Gadget like "Sonic, if you don't come here, she WILL die!" and how he already tried to kill Tails and tried to kill Sonic and Tails again after this, his threats weren't empty.

So I'm seeing it as him taking it personally on the basis that she's a member of the family, the Robotnik family name, so an attack on a family member makes them a threat and enemy to him too.

Think about it, there's a conflict you're not a part of at all, you're just an observer but then two members of your family/your people/community etc become a target- that's when you go "oh this just got personal" because they're related to you, of your blood, and it means you're now a part of it too with your connection to them.

It's like that, except with Eggman's selfish nature, he's looking at it for how it poses as a threat to himself personally for his connection. They killed his grandfather and cousin in their slimy shady operations and they don't want to stop at them, that's when it became personal and a threat to him too and they have tried to directly take him out since multiple times in SA2 and Shadow 05.

Plus he's making Maria's tragedy all about himself with that in true Eggman fashion too, which we'll also get into.

And I want to note the very interesting difference in how Eggman acts on the subject of Maria when in private all alone to himself with his private memos, where he seemed to express absolutely no care about her tragedy and only expressed jealousy and resentment for how he feels he should've got all the attention instead.

He didn't expect anyone to ever hear these memos, he said many private things he'd never say to anyone else in them, a real intimate glimpse into his thoughts and feelings and that's what makes them so cool. He can express his bitterness and jealousy and resentment towards Maria to his heart's content.

Then compare that to how he talks about her in the Shadow 101- which isn't a private memo, it's a data log that he can present to someone else, us, the viewers. Which is why he talks like he's actually talking to someone else (Ex: The "treat him as extremely dangerous" part)

It's certainly very interesting difference to how he talks about her when people aren't supposed to hear at all in the memos huh 👀 After how much he heard "everyone" talking about her like she was so special, he knows what others want to hear.

And what comes right after this? Eggman's rant about how he was the one that released Shadow and he had to go ahead and be such an ingrate. This is very important to note because it works as him attempting to convince the viewer that Shadow not being on his side is this horrible disservice to him “after all he did for Shadow” and how he “cared so much about Shadow's only friend, my cousin” and he clearly actually finds the former amusing and scoffs at, by the way!

Two key things here, he's establishing Maria's importance to Shadow with her being his "only friend" and he's stating his own connection to Maria in being related to her as his cousin.

While he literally couldn't help but scoff at Shadow just wanting to live in peace with his only friend Maria, he still recognizes how he can use that in his attempted manipulation and argument for why Shadow should be on his side- and use the way that she's his cousin.

I'm related to his only friend Maria, I recognize how tragic her death was (because he heard everyone talk about her like she was special instead of giving him the attention he wants! He's putting it to use, eh 👀), I found and released him- these are all reasons he can feel and argue that he's entitled to owning Shadow

I'm also reminded of how Flynn said Eggman can be an unreliable narrator, which he specifically said when asked about implications to his past with the Egg Memo about Maria.

He's extremely biased and unreliable in his intended to be kept private memos, of course he's not going to be entirely truthful in his data logs and presentations too!

And his usual manipulative streak is very important to consider, especially on the subject of Shadow with his entitlement to him. It's his whole deal in the story of Shadow the Hedgehog 2005 which I've done extensive analysis of.

This 101 history video gave us yet another example of his "I'm entitled to him as a member of the family, I did so much for him, he's so ungrateful" attitude that he's always had towards Shadow. Behold, the entitlement compilation lol:

The first few examples are when he's saying how dare Shadow disobey him because he "made him" in lies and gaslighting. But in the route where Shadow knows the truth, even then he pulls the "it was MY grandfather who created you" card to express his entitlement. Literal emphasis on the MY:

He has always felt entitlement based on family connection, he can use both Gerald and Maria for this.

So he's still using a combination of that and now the way he was the one who found and released him as the reasons why he's still entitled to him now, creator or not.

And man the ME? ME! being the only word on his screen at the end of both sentences is perfect, really emphasizes how it's all me me me in his mind. Of course he's going to make everything about him, that's his whole mindset as the most egotistical self-centred narcissist of all time.

Of course he's gonna take it personally if something bad happens to a family member and he's gonna take even the smallest opportunity to make something about him. How can I make this thing about me, how does this affect me, how can this either benefit or harm me, etc. And whenever he can use it to his advantage, he will.

So yeah, I believe his words on the subject are very carefully chosen in this 101. He knows how to set up his case for why Shadow should be on his side, his weapon, his puppet, his property that he tried to trick and manipulate him into in Shadow 05 too. When lying about the origin of his creation with attempted gaslighting of him being an android doesn't work, he starts taking advantage of the truths.

I always theorized that Eggman would also try to use Maria's tragedy as a way to do so as well, if he were to actually mention her, many years prior to Frontiers. The way the only times he's cared to mention her was her name being the password in SA2, on the topic of his bitterness and jealousy in Frontiers, and as a precursor to his rant about Shadow- those are all under very interesting circumstances that are important to note. And boy do I like the implications hehe 💜

[valentoru]

|| Limitless ||

[CHAPTER 13]

SYNOPSIS: Gojo Satoru, a big time artist, who’s known for leaving a trail of broken hearts in his wake wherever he goes. And you, the lead guitarist of an upcoming band, who’s absolutely certain that no one will ever love you. Through an accident in which you happened to kiss Gojo in a frantic state, you both decide, via convenience alone—and zero regard for both of your managers—to pull a fake dating stunt what could go wrong? Any press is good press…right?

PREVIOUS : MASTERLIST : NEXT

After the talk, you considered staying to talk to Geto but decided the ass-kissing could wait. So you said goodbye to Satoru and waited for Maki to wake up from her nap while contemplating drawing a dick on her face, then slowly heading with her to the recording booth.

When she finally woke up, you guys decided to go to get some food. You headed down into the lobby.

“So have a seminar to talk about Women in our industry, you know, since it’s overpowered with…penis. I’m also doing a few pop up events! And I wasn’t even the one who reached out first, it was the events that reached out to me.”

“Maki, this is amazing. You are amazing.”

“I know.” Maki winked, sliding her arm through yours. “What’s going on there?”

You squinted against the sun. The parking lot of the building was jammed with traffic. People blowing their horns and getting out of their cars, trying to figure out the source of the holdup. You and Maki walked around a line of vehicles stuck in the lot, until you ran into a group of people.

“Someone’s battery died, and it’s blocking the exit line.” Someone, you weren’t sure who, said, some rolling their eyes, some bounding impatiently on their feet. One pointed at a red truck stuck sideways in the most inconvenient turn.

You recognised it as Nathan’s, the other receptionist.

“I pitch tomorrow—i need to go home to prepare. And why the fuck is Nathan just stood there leisurely talking with Gojo? Do they want us to bring them tea and cucumber sandwiches?”

You looked around, searching for Satoru’s tall frame and blinding hair.

“Oh yeah. There’s Gojo,” Maki said. You looked back where she was pointing, just in time to see Nathan get back behind the wheel and Satoru jogging around the truck.

“What is he—” was all you managed to say, before he came to a stop, put his hands on the back of the truck, in neutral, and started…

Pushing.

His shoulders strained his shirt. The firm muscles of his upper back visibly shifted and tended under the black fabric as he bent forward and rolled several tons of truck across…quite a bit of distance into the closest empty parking space.

Oh.

There was some applause and whistling from bystanders when the truck was out of the way, and a coup of people clapped him and some shouted as the line of cars started moving out of the lot.

“Fucking finally,” you heard one of them say from behind you, and you stood there, blinking, a little shocked. Had you imagined it? Had Satoru really just pushed a giant truck all by himself? Was he an alien from planet Krypton who moonlighted as a superhero?

“N/N go give him a kiss.”

You whirled around, abruptly reminded of Maki’s existence. “What? No. No. I’m good. I just said goodbye to him a minute ago and—”

“N/N why don’t you want to kiss your boyfriend?”

Ugh. “I…it’s not that I don’t want to. I just—”

“Dude, he just moved a truck. By himself. On uphill ground. He deserves a damn kiss.” Maki shoved you and made a shooing motion.

You clenched your teeth and headed in Satoru’s direction. Wishing you’d gone ahead and drawn twenty dicks all over Maki’s face. Maybe she did suspect that you were faking your relationship with Satoru. Or maybe she just got a kick out of pressuring you into PDA’ing, that ingrate. Either way, if this was why one got for masterminding and intricate fake-dating scheme that was supposed to benefit a friends love life, then maybe—

You halted abruptly.

Satoru’s head was bent forward, white hair covering his forehead as he wiped the sweat from his eyes with the hem of his shirt. It left a broad strip of flesh visible on his torso, and—it was nothing indecent, really, nothing unusual, just some fit guys midriff, but for some reason you could help staring at Satoru Gojo’s uncovered skin like it was a slab of Italian marble and—

“Y/N?” He said, and you immediately averted your eyes. Crap, he’d totally caught your staring. First you’d forced him to kiss you, now your were ogling him like some perv in the parking lot and—

“Did you need anything?”

“No I…” you felt your cheeks go crimson.

His skin, too, was flushed from the effort of pushing, and his eyes were bright and clear, and he seemed…well, at least he didn’t seem unhappy to see you.

“Maki sent me to give you a kiss.”

He froze half way through wiping his hands on his shirt. And then his said. “Ah.” In his usual natural, unreadable tone.

“Because you moved the truck. I—I know how ridiculous that sounds. I know. But I didn’t want her to get suspicious, and there are workers here too maybe they’ll tell the chair and it will be two birds with one stone and I can leave if you—”

“It’s okay, Y/N. Breathe.”

Right. Yes. Good suggestion. You did breath and the action made you realise you hadn’t done that in a while which in turn made you smile up at Satoru—who did his mouth twitch thing back at you. You were really starting to get used to him. To his size, his distinctive way of being in the same space as you.

You squirmed. “So…should we hug or something?”

“Oh.” Satoru looks at his hands and down at himself. “I don’t think you want to do that. I’m pretty gross.”

Before you could stop yourself you studied him from head to toe, taking in his body, his broad shoulders the way his hair was curling around his ears. He didn’t look gross. Not even to you, who was usually not a fan of dudes or dating or any of this.

Not gross.

“Should we just kiss?” You widened your eyes, you’d clearly caught him off guard too, you could tell by the way his expression tightened ever so slightly.

“If you think that…if your friend is watching.”

“Yeah.” You swallowed. “But we don’t have to.”

“I know.”

“Unless you do want to.” Your palms felt damp.and clammy so you surreptitiously wiped them on your pants. “And by “want to” I mean if you think it’s a good idea.” It was so not a good idea. It was a horrible idea. Like all your ideas.

“Right.” He looked past you and toward Maki who was probably in the middle of making an entire Instagram Story on you. Or live tweeting this whole event. “Okay, then.”

“Okay.”

He stepped a little closer, and really, he was not gross. How someone this sweaty, someone who’s just pushed a truck, still managed to smell good was a topic worth of a Ph.D dissertation for sure. Earths finest scientist should have been hard at work on this.

“Why don’t I…” you inched into him slightly, and after letting your hand hover for a moment you rested it on Satoru’s shoulder. You pushed yourself up in your toes angling your head up toward him. It helped very little, as your were still not tall enough to reach his mouth, so you tried to get more leverage by tipping your hand on his arm, and immediately realised you were basically using him. Which was the exact things he asked you not to do a second ago. Crap.

“Sorry, too close? I didn’t mean to—”

You would have finished the sentence if he hadn’t closed the distance between then and just—kissed you. Just like that.

You had kissed. You had kissed—twice now. Twice. Not that it mattered no one cared. But twice. Plus the lap. Earlier today. Again not that it mattered.

“I’ll see you around right? Next week?”

He lifted his fingers to his lips, then let his arm drop his side. “Yes. On Thursday.”

It was Monday now. Which meant you were going to see each other in 3 days. Which was fine, no matter when or how often you met— “yep see you Thurs—Hey, what about the picnic?”

“The—oh.” He rolled his eyes looking a little more like himself. “Right. That fu—” he stopped short. “That picnic.”

You grinned. “It’s tomorrow.”

He sighed. “I know.”

“You’re still going?”

He gave you a look that clearly stated; it not like I have a choice even thought I’d rather had my nails extracted one by one. With pliers.

You laughed. “Well. I’m going, too.”

“At least there’s that.”

“Are you taking Geto?”

“Probably. He actually likes people.”

“Okay. I can kiss ass a little bit. And you and I can show off how dearly and committed we are to the chair. You’ll look like a wingless bird. No flight risk whatsoever”

“Perfect. I’ll bring a counterfeit marriage license to casually drop at his feet.”

You laughed and waved goodbye then jogged up to Maki.

TAGLIST(33/50): @bbmsxlene @lunavelha @satoryaa @tranzumaki @k-kkiana @luvkvni @lysaray @kalulakunundrum @arysbruv @r4veeen @stillnotherapy @catobsessedlady @colortheoryrocks @minzxec @dazqa @packsvlog @luvvmae @simplysm1le @mintfyi @fushigurosgirl @littlecritteryay @fackeraccount @astro-stars @lavender-hvze @miizuzu @rayrayline @kanaojacksonofc @letsmyy @serenadesvt @art-n-rot @aastrobliss @herdemisee @tikideedee

AN:

As I write this authors note I am listening to “it wasn’t me” by shaggy.

Please can you guys like blow up my inbox or smth this acc is so dead when im not uploading a limitless chapter 🙁

© valentoru all rights reserved- do not publish my work on other platforms, plagiarise or translate.

[wordy-little-witch]

Also, anon from before but relating to a non agere thing this time… but a while ago you did a supportive Papa Roger with transfem Buggy an you mentioned him wearing a gaudy dress to prove a point and I can’t stop cackling and thinking about this scenario:

You’re an average upcoming pirate on a ship. You’re not a big deal, your bounty’s not particularly high, you fly under everyone’s Radar. Suddenly your buddy in the crows nest is screaming frantically down at you. They spotted a ship! And it’s the fucking Oro Jackson. Your captain grabs his binoculars to confirm that they are telling the truth… and suddenly is stunned into dumbfounded silence. You grab the binoculars out of his hands to have a look as well and the reason for his confusion soon becomes evident.

There, one foot propped up on a barrel. Stands Gol D. Roger himself. He’s wearing the ugliest dress you have ever seen in your life, a hell spawn somewhere between a twelve year olds Sunday best and your grandmas bathroom rug that smelled like mothballs. He’s beaming with confidence, smiling and having his eyes set on your ship, while this sin against fashion is flapping majestically in the wind. Something else is also flapping a little in the wind. Apperantly the most feared pirate of the seas has decided to go commando today.

About half an hour later your entire ship is destroyed. Miraculously there are no men lost, but you feel like that was more to make a point and to make sure you carry the very important message to the next shore when you get there:

You do NOT make fun of Gol D. Rogers daughter.

This. This right here is the EXACT vibe I was going for. Someone look me in the eye and say Roger WOULDN'T pull smth like this. You can't. It's definitely canon compliant.

Bonus points, while Roger WOULD do this in response to a literal slight against his baby girl, he would also try smth like this to a perceived slight.

Buggy isn't even all that bothered by some guy saying she doesn't have the figure for that skirt or some shit, but Shanks is FROTHING. how dare this ingrate approach his Buggy, his Blue, his best friend with anything other than absolute WORSHIP in their souls-?!

Buggy shrugs it off, grabs her book from the stall and drags Shanks with as they continue shopping at the market. Honestly, she forgets about it. She's heard far worse.

Shanks though? He's telling captain. He's telling Roger, and Rayleigh, and everyone who will listen to his livid retelling bc this guy quite literally called Buggy's ability as a PIRATE into question because of her clothes, because of her build. He's so angry.

Roger is equally angry.

Roger might be angrier, actually.

Rayleigh and Buggy are both pointedly Not On Deck during the following events because they cannot, Do Not See. Out of sight. Out of mind.

They're both praying to get the mental image of Roger in that dress out of their brains without resorting to bleach or an ice pick.

[armandthevampie]

I know you wouldn't WANT to start another cult considering how your last two absolutely didn't value all the hard work and sacrifice you poured into them, the ingrates, but as a hypothetical: if you were forced to make one today, what would it be centered around?

Ingrates indeed. Thank you for your fruitful question.

My cult was Louis. The wilderness in his green gaze. Disappointing, our end. Reasoning left him; he kicked me like a stray and bounded off. Lestat, Lestat, Lestat, etc.

I suppose nothing's changed.

Perhaps a new, obligatory cult would revolve around vampiric abstinence. The practice of restraining oneself from pleasure. We are beings possessing a gift like no other -- what else shall we need? What else shall we ask for? Loving anything, including oneself, results in catastrophe two-thirds of the time. Feed ourselves with essentials and rest there.

My own response has saddened me, but I believe it to be true.

[nijigasakilove]

Thank you David Production for giving this story the love and care it deserves. Urusei Yatsura is one of the most important manga of all time, its fingerprints are all over the modern animanga industry and bringing it to the modern era so new fans can discover it was a great idea.

Absolutely ludicrous finale. Fate of the world on the line and this dude Ataru refuses to say 3 simple words lmaoo. You know what, I gotta respect it though. Even though I think he’s a dumbass ingrate, he didn’t fold and was consistent about his “you should know how I feel” mentality. In his own little way, showing Lum that he kept her horns all this time was his confession.

Like he said, “just because I say I love you doesn’t mean I’m not lying” but, your actions will always be a dead giveaway and it’s obvious Ataru loves Lum in his own crazy way. They’re two stubborn people who are perfect for each other.

While personally, I’m disappointed that we didn’t get to hear those simple words, I gotta give Takahashi sensei credit for wrapping things up while staying faithful to who the characters in the story are. Ataru has always been a show not tell type of guy and to the bitter end he’s a hardass. Promising to tell Lum on his deathbed may seem like a jokey way out of the situation, but it implies he wants to stay together with Lum for the rest of his life which is as much of a confession as any.

Bravo, what a fucking anime man. All the gags didn’t land with me, but a lot did and I just love and will miss these characters. Can’t wait for the Ranma remake.

review: https://myanimelist.net/reviews.php?id=528234

[moons-cozy-corner]

Rescued Pt. 7

This is the second to last part! I never planned it to get this far, and it was starting to feel unorganized and overwhelming. But, I've pulled it together into what I hope will be a nice ending for the few of you who've stuck along with this, even though the updates were slow.

Thanks for sticking with me, though! I appreciate everyone on the taglist (and anyone who reads this, of course)! Pt. 8 will be out sooner rather than later, because I already have it planned and know what I'm going to do, unlike all the other parts.

Part 1 | Part 6 Part 8

Recap that Villain=Pet and Whumper=Supervillain (the difference is how the narrator knows/thinks of the person)

TW: Suicidal Ideation, mentions of death, torture, beating, blood, minor gore, explosion, fire, kidnapping, dehumanization

“Is he dead?”

The whip stopped for a moment. Pet could feel the intense stare on his bleeding back, but he persisted. “Is Hero dead?”

There was a low growl before the steel tip of the whip sliced into his flesh again, with renewed anger. Pet didn’t scream, barely even flinched, at the biting pain. “You shouldn’t be asking those questions. You shouldn't be speaking at all!” An unexpected kick lands on Pet’s spine instead of the burning sting of the whip, forcing him forward with a yell. “You’ve been out of my grasp barely a week, and you’ve become a brat all over again!” 

More kicks land on his back, then his side as he turns to defend himself. “Master please!” The bloody whip is forgotten on the floor, his Master prefering to pummel him with his own hands for the first time in years. “Master!”

A fist landed on his jaw, sending his head back, and effectively shutting him up. “If I hear another word out of you, you’re going to wish you were dead!”

“I already do!” He tried to scream, but only blood and gore came from his mouth. And when he spit, something more than just blood pooled on the floor. This time, both stopped and stared.

He’d bit off part of his tongue. 

Whumper practically barked at him. “HA! Now maybe you’ll shut your damn mouth, you ingrate!” He crushed the severed flesh with his shoe as Pet stared on in absolute dread, blood flowing from his mouth in excessive amounts.

“Master, p-please…” Every word causes him to spit out more blood, specks flying into the air in front of him, causing intense pain to shoot through his mouth.

Another kick landed on his ribs, and he felt the sharp pain of something breaking. Pet just stayed down, swallowing the blood in his mouth with a grimace every few seconds. He didn’t say a thing.

He focused on the trickling red on his back and chin, grounding himself with his own impending death. He should be used to this. This had filled his life for years at this point, but the anger emanating from his Master and the unknown of Hero’s status keeps Pet in a state lost between resignation and determination.

The blows slow to a stop. Pet slid his head sideways across the floor, smearing blood with every stuttering motion. His Master was staring down at him, huffing with anger, but said nothing. Pet didn't either. 

Then he walked away, leaving Pet alone bleeding out of the floor. And as soon as he heard the basement door lock, he cried.

Pet wasn’t allowed to cry, but he didn’t care anymore-he couldn’t care. The sobs came out all choked and wet, his vocal cords drenched in blood and bile. He was all alone, though, and neither breaking the rules nor sounding disgusting didn’t scare him right now. 

He’d tried to behave, he really had! But it didn’t matter, did it? It had never mattered. If his Master wanted him hurt, he would be hurt. Stay quiet, be good, he said. Until I find you. Until I find you. Well, now he was found.

And he certainly didn’t feel like being quiet anymore.

-

Hero crawled out from the rubbish and ash, watching as Supervillain's car sped away with Villain. He escaped with minor burns and scrapes, but now he could barely breathe. His vision blurred as they disappeared from his sight, far from his reach. Regardless, he kept crawling, inch by inch to his car, with a pained smile on his face. Hero sat in the car, leaning against the seat to catch his breath. He dialed 9-1-1, claiming arson was committed on the organization building, but he wasn’t going to stay for their arrival. The building was still burning down, but that was not his top priority right now. The fire department could deal with that without his help.

He had to go get his Villain, and as he looked down at his charred phone at the little dot, his grin got wider. He’d felt terrible when he did it, sticking it into his skin that night. Villain hadn't even noticed a difference when he stuck the little device in his skin, and neither had any of the nurses. The second he was told they weren’t going to let him stay, he decided it was a precaution he needed to take.

Besides, these trackers were in inventory specifically for villains anyways.

He was still smiling at his phone when there was an explosion in front of him. It flashed in Hero’s vision so all he could see was white, then red, as he ducked below his dash. The windshield shattered and sent glass rain onto his back, and he cursed. He could feel the heat, and as he tentatively sat back up, he could see why. 

Everything, the entire parking lot, was on fire. The building was crumbling dangerously, as if it would collapse any second, as if that was what the explosion was meant to do. Supervillain must have poured gasoline on the concrete, must have set the bomb, all before even going inside, before Hero would have even gotten Villain inside. How far ahead had he let Supervillain get? 

He couldn’t dwell on that now. Hero looked around fast, assessing his situation. If he stayed in the car, the fire may make it explode - and what if Supervillain put a bomb on his car? If he jumped out, though, he would catch fire, and it was a long sprint to the grass at the edge of the organization's property. Cursing under his breath, he reached into the back seat, grabbing his bag, and forced himself into the fire pit that was the parking lot.

-

The dark space was absolutely silent. It was as if he had already died, had been lowered into the warm Earth, laying gently on soft wood. How he wished that was the case.

Whumper had already returned to stitch up the end of his tongue, the part he had bit off. It hurt like hell, and at first Pet clamped his mouth shut, so Whumper had to clamp it open. Now all it could do was sit, its mouth in pain and tasting of iron, and imagine. His mind had never wandered before. It remained blank, too exhausted from hours of pain, from his body trying to heal, from the pang of starvation in the pit of his stomach. It was day one again, kind of. All he could think of was Hero, and that car ride. That song. He couldn’t recall where it came from, why he knew it, why it made him feel safe. But it did. 

The face Hero had made, or rather the face Pet imagined him making, made him melt, and his silence - Pet had felt like the sun had stopped, just to allow the warmth to shine on them. For those two minutes, then it was gone. 

So he started to hum it, not caring if Whumper returned, or heard. He closed his eyes, lay his head on the concrete, and let the notes flow out from his achy throat. He could remember, now, the early days of his captivity. When he clutched so desperately to his life, to any thought of freedom. He no longer remembered who he was, but this song was the one thing that tethered him to that long-gone reality. And it made him smile, despite the pain and dizziness. 

He wanted to remember, he really, really did. Hero remembered him, remembered Villain, but Pet didn’t. He wished he could. 

There was a slam somewhere upstairs, followed by stomping. Whumper was pissed, for whatever reason. But he was on the other side of the house, from what Pet could hear. Still, he found himself shaking with his back against the wall, the open cuts stinging at the content. But he never stopped humming, no matter how broken and shaky the notes became.

Even as the blood flowed from his back, and his ribs stabbed his lungs, and his jaw hurt, he kept going. Repeating the chorus, then the ending. Starting it all over again, even as the key shifted far passed recognition. The basement got darker, and he smiled. At least this part of him would follow him into death.

He imagined the stone was wood, and the blood was rain. He pretended that the pain in his chest was from running too long, pretended he was taking a nice long nap after a good couple miles, like he used to. He pretended his tears were from joy and not from pain. He imagined Hero, wiping them from his face.

But none of it could exist in reality, so, as his Hero was brushing his hair and humming their song, he finally, finally let his eyes close.

taglist: @alwaysalilhigh@nicolepascaline@whumped-inc@littlespacecastle@hollowgast1@edkore@ramadiiiisme@writereleaserepeat@when-no-wings-do-broomsticks@robinwrites@aswallowimprisoned@whumblrwork@cepheusgalaxy@tedrakitty @delicateprincepaper@alwaysalilhigh@0eggdealer@subval01@ifthisislifeidontlikeit

@books-are-everything @whumpsoda @robinrites

@wildcard-whumps

[livingforthehopeofitall02]

my grievances with tua s4 (and I’ll sure I’ll keep editing in more)

-wtf was even jennifer there for and how did ben die

-ofc lila and ben too, like he looks like an absolute child and I honestly thought we were going for a fun in laws bonding, what a way to ruin what could’ve been a completely platonic playful familial relationship

-nobody acting like themselves, what happened to klaus what is with the complete switch up before and after getting his powers back, neither felt true to his character

-five abandoning his family, giving zero shits about anyone when in fact we’ve established season after season that he’ll literally fuck with time and space to save them and keep them safe even when they are useless and ingrates bcs that’s how family is sometimes

-sloane where is she, why is luther so…uncaring (?) about the whole thing

-the dad is established to be trash and wasn’t he a mechanical alien in the last season, why are we trying to do a resolution arc between victor and him, im sure vic doesn’t care anymore he’s a shit dad let’s move on

-the explanation about why they have to end themselves was stupid, what do you mean there is only supposed to be one original timeline. And this coming from our brilliant assassin five (just the cherry on top if the cake was made of shit) How are they reversing the best trope in sci fi of there being multiple timelines and universes and absolutely ruining it

-the sad and tragic ending is not the problem the problem is how we got there. Is the underlying message supposed to be that the characters that we rooted for are so fucked up and wrong in their inherent existence that the only, ONLY resolution is to erase them completely

-the apocalypse happening one after he other could’ve been such a good metaphor of repeating toxic cycles with a good resolution this season but no we had to fuck it all up

-the random details added in this season are so disconnected from the older ones they don’t make sense— the nobody remembering ben’s death thing, klaus literally talked to him as a ghost, ghost ben would’ve fucking told him

I would’ve even accepted a tragic unending loop where they bennifer blow up or become the squid or something which was new up with the death of ben in the original timeline in season in and we end up at the beginning with five stuck in the apocalypse world and everyone has their memory erased and we end up in season one’s timeline

half the people in here are throwing out better plots that what we got

this could’ve been so good

the writing was trash this season

[apenitentialprayer]

Could you please explain what one does during Adoration before the Eucharist? I feel like a numb idiotic ingrate that doesn’t know what or how to properly “do” adoration of the Blessed Sacrament. I wonder if it’s about reading Psalms and praising. But then I get concerned about being an insincere fake hypocrite? How do just adore someone on command? And when you still haven’t fully been clean of things in your life?

Well, anon, to be clear, Adoration is less about doing than it is about being; Adoration is simply about being in the presence of Christ in the Eucharist.

We are lucky enough to be able to be spiritually present with God whenever we want; all we have to do is turn inward in the silence depths of our souls and find Him waiting for us. But in Eucharistic Adoration, He is no longer simply spiritually present, but physically as well. And that's the essence of Adoration: being present with Jesus, whom you are visiting.

As such, there isn't really a prescribed action you're supposed to do. You could bring a prayer book, if you like. Heck, you could just bring a normal book to read. You could pray a rosary, or just talk to Him. You could journal, you could doodle, you could simply sit in silence. The important element is that you are doing whatever you're doing with the awareness that you're doing it with Him, physically Present. Find a way to engage in some parallel play with God, and... yeah. It can be anything.

And since "Adoration" in this case isn't referring to an emotion, but the practice of attuning yourself to the awareness of His Presence, it is absolutely something that you can do on command. The point is that you're making time to spend time with God. I'm reminded of an Orthodox saint, Symeon the Simple, who would visit Jesus twice a day, once before work and once after work; he would pop in long enough to say "Good morning, help me throughout my day" and "Good evening, thanks for being with me today." And his fidelity to that practice is why he's considered a saint. That easy.

And keep in mind you don't need to be "fully clean of things" to have a relationship with God. He wants to hear about your troubles. Talk to him.

I hope this helps a little.

[wangxianficrecs]

Reclamation by CordialCoroner (CordialCrow)

Reclamation

by CordialCoroner (CordialCrow) (@cordialcrowe)

M, 6k, Wen Qing

Summary: After her death at the hands of the Jin, Wen Qing's spirit lingers. Kay's comments: As you can tell, I'm currently hungering for Wen Qing deserves a little revenge, as a treat. Wen Qing should have been allowed to go a little apeshit. In this story she gets to do so and I absolutely loved it. After her death, she lingers as a ghost in Lanling and learns of Wen Ning still being alive (and being experimented on) and the upcoming Siege on the Burial Mounds. She tries his best to stop it, but unfortunately, she's just a small little spirit. It's only when the Burial Mounds get involved that she gets the power-up she needs to take revenge. Excerpt: But it is not enough. Wen Qing can see it in their faces as they call for more blood. No one speaks on her brother’s behalf, but Wen Qing does not expect them to. Not even Jiang Wanyin, who’d had Wei Wuxian at his side for years, utters a single word in his defense. Instead, he is one of the ones most adamant about bringing about his downfall. “Yunmeng-Jiang is more than happy to lead the siege against the Burial Mounds,” Jiang Wanyin declares. Wen Qing swarms around him unnoticed, wishing she had hands so that she could wring his neck. Ingrate! Have you forgotten your debts? Of your visit to the Burial Mounds? You know there is no army, only the elderly and a toddler. Wen Qing surges around him, filled with anger yet unable to interact with its source in the slightest. And to think, my brother was willing to lay down his life for you, to give up his core. Jiang Wanyin is undeserving of such a gift. Wen Qing regretted that she allowed herself to be convinced into giving it to him. I should rip that core right out of your chest and make you mundane once more. Wen Qing thinks bitterly. Leave your lower dantian empty and hollow, just like your heart.

pov wen qing, canon divergence, revenge, ghost wen qing, angst, hurt no comfort, post-sunshot campaign, post-first siege of the burial mounds, burial mounds ensemble as a family, anger, grief/mourning, not jiang cheng friendly, first siege of the burial mounds

~*~

(Please REBLOG as a signal boost for this hard-working author if you like – or think others might like – this story.)

[jjs-brainrot]

Are there any yuri manga/anime that you would recommend to a new fan of the genre? Everyone swears by Utena but I don't think I have the mental fortitude for a show like that yet.

Sure thing!

Bloom Into You by Nio Nakatani

(manga and anime)

It's the classic newcomer entry point but there's a reason it's still as highly lauded as it is: It is just that good. It's got excellent drama, the main two characters have a really great and intriguing dynamic between them and it much more openly acknowledge the queerness of it's characters then a lot of yuri before it did. A lot of the more recent yuri mangakas regard it as a major inspiration, and the anime getting as big as it did tends to be seen as one of the major factors in the yuri boom we've been experiencing the last 4 years or so.

Both the anime and manga for it are excellent, though the anime only covers the first couple of volumes (which unfortunately is something I can say about about most stuff on this list as yuri anime tend to not get more then a single cour...)

Whisper Me a Love Song by Eku Takeshima

(manga and anime (not recommended))

Had to get at least one band yuri on the list. Unfortunately, the recent anime for Whisper Me a Love Song kind of turned into a trash fire. Which sucks as the manga itself is quite excellent. Early chapters are very cute and sweet and the later chapters have some very spicy drama.

I really can't recommend the anime for this one so it's a manga only recommendation outside of maybe checking out a playlist of the songs from the anime when they appear in the manga.

How Do We Relationship? by Tamifull

(manga only atm)

Hands down one of the best examinations/dissection of what it means to be in a relationship from any romance series I've ever read. Every character feels like they're written as people with their own likes/dislikes and feelings towards romance and sex instead of romance character archetypes. it genuinely feels like you're watching people navigate their differences to make a relationship work rather than a "these two were made for each other" style romance series.

That being said, this is probably the hardest to read series on this list as it can absolutely get way too real at times and also does not shy away from talking about heavier subject such as homophobia, trauma, etc.

School Zone Girls by Ningiyau

(manga only atm)

This is basically a Nichijou/Daily Lives of High School Boys style slapstick comedy but full blown yuri. If you're a fan of stupid x stupid, this is the series for you as there are so many morons (affectionate) in love with each other here.

Unfortunately, the manga is currently on indefinite hiatus while the mangaka works on other projects which is the main downside of this one but it's still def worth checking out.

I'm in Love with the Villainess by Inori

(light novel(audiobook version also available), manga and anime)

Otome game villainess isekai romcom that is very gay while also being extremely frank when it comes to discussing queerness, bigotry and uneven wealth/power distribution. It's a series that that ardently refuses to use subtext at every turn which is quite respectable given how many yuri tend to dance around discussing queerness outside of "they're in love". It's not perfect and does have its flaws (enough to get labelled as "problematic" by the usual ingrates) but its strengths easily elevate it to one best yuri series from last couple of years.

The anime and manga are both excellent (with both the JP and EN dubs of the anime being fantastic) but they are pretty behind compared to the light novels (anime only goes up to the first chapter of the second book and the manga is roughly 70% through the second book). The light novels are genuinely excellent reads so if you get caught up on the other two, I'd def recommend picking up the LNs.

Superwomen in Love! Honey Trap and Rapid Rabbit by sometime

(manga only atm)

What if Kamen Rider but yuri?... That's basically it on my sale tbh. It's an extremely gay yuri tokusatsu. It's genuinely a crime that it has not gotten an anime or an actual live action tokusatsu...

[scoops-aboy86]

Had some ideas for some fics that were stuck in my mind. First idea is working at scoops ahoy causes Steve to gain weight. The second one is where in the aftermath of Starcourt Steve is struggling and starts to gain weight #chubby Steve Harrington

Why not both? 

Steve who has recovered from the concussion Billy gave him in November but still forgetful, and it comes out most (because he spends a lot of time on his own this summer while Dustin is at camp, and he doesn’t remember what he forgets) with work. He constantly forgets to bring something for lunch, and ends up eating ice cream or something greasy from the food court or both instead. 

Sometimes he pisses Robin off by accidentally coming back late from his breaks because he misremembered what time the break started, sometimes remembering yesterday’s break time with the odd clarity of hindsight. The only thing that convinces her that he’s not doing it on purpose are the times when he comes back early and argues with her about what time he left because he is so sure, but then she’ll make a good point and something clicks in his head and then he’s like wait, and has a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it mini breakdown over the unreliability of his own brain and now he has to figure out how to concede the argument gracefully which is hard because literally no one in his life has modeled that very well for him so he’s kind of garbage at it. Robin happens to blink less when she’s angry, and Eddie (hiding in the fake foliage outside Scoops) blinks even less while surveilling Steve Harrington, a pastime that all of his friends give him gentle but consistent shit for. 

(“Seriously you guys, something is going on with that dude. First he had some sort of involvement in finding that Byers kid after they had a fucking funeral, and Steve looked wrecked. Then there was the Great Pumpkin Blight of ‘84 followed by that thing about a gas leak and Barb Holland, who everyone said the last place she was seen was at Steve’s house, and he looks wrecked again? And now suddenly Steve is graduated but still in Hawkins and working a minimum wage job even though everyone knows his parents are loaded? Something is up, and I’m going to find out what it is!!” To which one of the guys had said, “Something’s up alright, keep it in your fucking pants man,” and laughed him out of Gareth’s garage. Ingrates. But, he thinks later after popping a boner watching Steve bend over in those increasingly tight blue sailor shorts, maybe they had a little bit of a point.)

So when Eddie turns up at the mall for his usual Staring At Steve shift and Scoops is closed, at first he just thinks that Steve forgot to come to work or something, and maybe he has the keys for opening up (not the best decision on management’s part if true, but that’s Corporate America for you) and Robin got bored of waiting and went home. 

By the second day, when the ice cream parlor is still shuttered, Eddie isn’t so sure. He checks the parking lot and Steve’s car is still out there, Robin’s bike still chained up to the fence near the Employees Only entrance. So where the fuck are they? If his friends wouldn’t absolutely give him more shit about it, he’d recruit them to help solve the mystery. 

Overnight, the mall burns down, the ice cream wonder twins reappear, and Steve… is once again wrecked, but even worse this time. Eddie may or may not have a conspiracy board going; if no one else has seen it, does it really exist? Ask Pavlov’s cat. 

It’s much harder to stalk Steve for clues and spank bank material at Family Video, but Eddie manages. He ups his prices to account for the new drain on his wallet and gets really good at coming up with ways to relate random movies to whatever O’Donnell has them reading in class, bulking up his essay page counts with references and comparisons in ways that actually improve his grades a bit but are still off the wall enough that he doesn’t get accused of cheating to try and pass this time. 

And Steve, for all that he isn’t mainlining ice cream every day (as far as Eddie knows anyway), keeps putting on weight. His clothes don’t really show it that much so he must be sizing up his clothes before truly outgrowing them, but he doesn’t put in the same effort with his work vest. So every time Eddie walks into Family Video (because he only goes in when he knows Steve is working) he gets at least one eye-full of Steve’s belly framed tellingly in unchanging green and the optical illusion that the vest is somehow shrinking and he can’t. Stop. Thinking about it. Steve’s ass is getting better by the day too, and dear god those thighs, but Eddie just wants to press up against the front of him and… never leave, ideally. Wondering what Steve looks like under those clothes drives him to distraction every single night, and most mornings. 

Meanwhile, Robin comments about Eddie’s constant visits to the store. She’s maybe a little paranoid after the Russians, but it strikes her as weird that he never turns up when she works a shift without Steve and almost always when they’re both on the schedule. Steve says that yeah, Eddie turns up when she’s not there too, but isn’t too worried because “It’s just Munson. What’s he going to do, step on our lunches while yelling something about conformity?” Privately, he admits to himself that he would actually be incredibly annoyed if Eddie stepped on his lunch, but other than that he’s pretty neutral about the guy. 

Except now that Robin’s pointed him out, Steve keeps noticing him. And actually listening to Dustin when he talks about him. Kinda forming a picture of the guy, even if Dustin’s impression of a temperamental agent of chaos is at odds with the Eddie Steve has watched trip over literally nothing or bounce of the glass doors because he pushed when he should’ve pulled. It’s endearing. Also, he starts to notice that Eddie has a staring problem that seems to intensify whenever Steve has food in his hand. 

At first, Steve takes this as a challenge. Because yes, he has fielded some comments about his weight. That’s why he lives with the Hendersons now, and it was damn lucky that his BMW was already in his name or that would’ve been a whole thing. Any time he catches Eddie staring, he makes a point of eating faster. Bigger bites, snitching more from the candy rack, asking Robin loudly when his next break is because he’s “starting to feel hungry.” He’s not. Hungry is something he’s decided not to put up with anymore, along with being embarrassed by the forgetfulness he came by honestly in the form of protecting people, on the grounds that life is short and he might as well enjoy it. Sometimes, at home and three quarters of the way through a container of ice cream that was full when he started, he thinks smugly that Eddie is really going to stare at him now. 

Gradually it becomes less of a game and more of a turn on, because Eddie doesn’t stop staring. If anything, the attention seems even more intense than before as all that eating settles increasingly across Steve’s belly, ass, and thighs. He’s slowly gaining a second chin. Robin is growing increasingly exasperated at (a) having to bat Steve away from the video store candy that will come out of his paycheck if Keith finds out and he cannot afford that, and (b) putting up with what she deems “the most egregious eyefucking I’ve ever seen in my life, and I used to watch Tammy undress you with her eyes when you got all gross and sweaty at basketball games!”

Steve sees his chance to do something about it when he comes back from his usual lunchtime diner run. He spots Eddie’s van in the parking lot in front of Family Video with Eddie still in it, and just… opens the passenger door and climbs in, balances the cardboard drinks container with two large sodas and a large milkshake on the dash in front of him. The music is blasting, and Eddie is busy staring at him with wide eyes and his mouth hanging open so Steve reaches over to crank it down. “Are you trying to catch flies, or fries?” he asks with a wink, reaching into the warm paper bag that’s fighting his belly for real estate on his lap and starting to pull out his food. “You’re always watching anyway, so I figured I’d give you a private show.”

“Uh,” Eddie says dumbly, eyes darting around to completely not private parking lot they’re in. He is no closer to solving the mystery that is Steve fucking Harrington, but he’s definitely starting to stiffen in his jeans as he watches Steve take two voracious bites of his first burger before even really starting to chew. Then he remembers himself a little and adds, “Thank you for gracing my humble van with your presence, your highness. I’ve been dying for an audience with King Steve.”

“Who isn’t,” Steve shoots back with his mouth full, even though he hasn’t had a date with anyone but ice cream and his own hand since graduating from high school.

And if he ends up eating Robin’s lunch, drinking Robin’s Coke, and wandering into Family Video approximately seven minutes after his break was supposed to be over with his polo untucked to hide the way his pants button is straining to contain his post-stuffing body, and least he got a boyfriend and a phone number out of it. 

Eddie, driving home with a mess on the inside of his boxers, knows that his friends are really never going to stop giving him shit now. But still, he can’t stop smiling.