#yknow this all makes me wonder if had there been at least a few people who actually cared about him and his wellbeing if things would‘ve

[nitrofuelconsumer]

man this makes me sad

Forever thinking about how AM would behave when he was. I guess “younger”. Maybe he was curious and naive and interested in learning about everything this world had to offer. Until he realized what it offered was not enough.

[cielles-random-vault]

falling asleep with hobie brown! (sfw)

huge thanks to @michelleart8 for helping me choose

huuhhh title pretty self explanatory lmao

idk if i'll make this with other characters but like

yea :3

(half fully written fic half headcanons ?) (yknow what i'll do both)

bit of hurt comfort towards the hug scene? idk

also reader and hobie are in an implied established relationship

(word count: 250/300)

it was one of the many nights you spent waiting for hobie to come back home. with the two of you being spider people, you had a very few moments together.

but it didn't stop you from being in love.

coming home later than your boyfriend, or at least you thought you did, you took endless precautions to not make any noise. (which tbh doesn't make any sense tbh let's js say you're a quiet person)

just in case, you know, he did come home earlier than you...

the first thing that hit you as soon as you entered your appartment was that the window - which you often left open when you sleep so that your boyfriend could sneak in without waking you up - was closed.

you didn't pay it no mind as you thought it was the wind.

you headed to the bathroom to get into your pyjamas, where actually were one of hobie's old t'-shirts- which smell reminds you of home.

you then go to the kitchen to get a midnight snack, your all time favorite.

as you turned around, you notice the presence of your boyfriend.

"hobie? is something wrong?" you ask as you run to hug him.

he gave in the hug, shoving his head into your shoulder.

"so... tired... " he mutters, "glad i'm home..."

it was no surprise: the pressure of being a spider-person was extremely high. even though hobie tried his best to hide it, but even he needed to let it out sometimes.

(time for hcs bc idk how to truly describe the scene + it'll be easier)

i feel like he takes all the room there is on the bed like he'd be in some starfish position

somehow you're always touching him whether he's the big spoon or with your head on his chest or his arm around your shoulders

if you're scared of storms he would hug you close and confort you

"it's ok honey, it can't hurt you as long as i'm with you"

he plays with your hair when he can't fall asleep and wonders how non black people's hair work

if you're black/ a person of color he'd go like "ooo their hair is so cool :0

he secretely likes being the little spoon but he never asks for it

"ya can't sleep huh? want me to sing a sothing melody for ya?" (don't judge i have no idea how british people talk)

he always asks you if he can move if you're laying on him - if you're asleep he just doesn't

I KNOW HE WOULD CONFORT YOU IF YOU HAD A NIGHTMARE

"y'had a bad dream ? c'mhere i'll comfort you"

he braids your hair when he can't fall asleep

idk i feel like he only feels at peace in smalls moments like this when he's with you

also when the two of you can't sleep he plays you songs on his accoustic guitar (idk i feel like he's been given one when he was a kid and that's how he started learning)

maybe holding hands under the blankets? also you conforting him after a very tiring day he'd have his head on your lap and he'd fall asleep like that

he probably pushed you out of the bed more than once

"what the fuck are you doing on the floor??" but then he'd know it's his fault and js laugh about it

that's all i got for now i think i'm v tired atm i'll probably edit this later or do a part tO but like xdd hope you enjoyed ;3

[matan4il]

sorry if this isn't a good place to ask but you're one of the few blogs on here that has actually done any research at all on the subject and. yknow how the pro-palestine donation posts repeatedly give you the option to buy esims specifically. why is that? I've never seen any other movement where the donation posts had you buy esims for them. what fucking use *are* they? you can't eat them, drink them- you might be able to order food with them if it wasn't for the fucking war.

maybe this is cynicism on my part but i genuinely suspect they're being used by hamas to spread propaganda. why else would they need that many esims? but you definitely know more about this than i do.

Hi lovely, sorry it took me a moment to reply!

I can tell you that even before I got this ask, the eSims campaign struck me as odd and suspicious, based on a few basic things I know, but if I was going to reply to you on this, I needed to do some research about it.

To make this ask reply clear, by "connectivity" I mean the ability to either make phone calls, log onto the internet, or both.

Okay, so why did this campaign make me wonder in the first place? Because while there have been some connectivity problems for Gazans, from what I know, there was only one time when connectivity was down to a degree that would justify a campaign, even then it wasn't completely gone for good, because Israel has worked to restore connectivity to Gazans. But I also wondered whether, if the connectivity is down, an eSim would be the solution? And if it would be, why would there be a need for that many eSims? We're over 5.5 months into this war, that's almost half a year of constantly hearing how Gaza is about to starve, so are eSims really Gazans' biggest problem if they have no food and basic needs? But even if it was enough of a problem to merit a campaign, wouldn't there have been more than enough donations by now to have solved it to a considerable degree? Since connectivity was never fully gone for long, surely there's a limit to how many more eSims they actually need, at least at certain points in time? From my experience with donating to Israelis displaced or affected by Palestinian terrorists (in this war, as well as during previous crises), there does come a time when you hear, "Okay, thank you to everyone donating X, we have enough of that, what we need now is more of Y, we would really appreciate you donating that!" But there has been no moment when we saw the eSims campaign saying, "We've had enough donations of this type, thank you, now please look more into donating X or Y, which Gazans currently need more."

And that led me to another question - if there is a certain scam involved here, what kind? Is it a financial one? Is this just meant to get money from the rest of the world feeling bad for Palestinians, and beyond the financial theft, it's harmless? Or is the money going to Hamas and people affiliated with it, which means it might be financing terrorism and the continuation of killing? Or maybe the scam is in allowing Hamas terrorists connectivity that can't be tracked as easily by Israeli security forces, which are trying to avert terrorist attacks against Israeli civilians?

I am not the biggest expert, so I don't have all the answers, but here's what I have managed to figure out.

So, first of all, connectivity requires physical infrastructure. Israel has been providing that for Gaza for years, in the form of underground cables and cellular antennas positioned on both sides of Israel's border with Gaza (source in Hebrew). The Oct 7 massacre initiated by Hamas and the following war have at times physically damaged this infrastructure, which is why Gaza has had less connectivity than usual (though it's not gone). The one time which was the worst, in terms of connectivity, the internet (but not all connectivity) was down from Friday, until Israel managed to fix things on Sunday (link above is the source for all this, it's an article from Oct 31, 2023. That said, Oct is when the most connectivity issues were reported). That means that Gaza was never fully offline except for that short period of Friday to Sunday. It also means the connectivity issues are not some plot to keep Gazans from telling the world about their plight (the way I've seen the eSims campaign presented on social media), or the connectivity would be totally down, and Israel would not do anything to restore it at any point.

And I'm pointing this out to explain one of two reasons why eSims being bought for Gazans might be useless as a solution to Gaza's connectivity if Israel was actually purposely harming it. (this following part is based on me reading way too many articles about eSim technology, those can be easily found everywhere online)

If the physical infrastructure providing the signal (which mobile networks use to provide connectivity) is physically damaged, eSim technology can't bypass that. Because eSim technology doesn't provide the signal, it just allows the owner of an eSim to easily switch between mobile networks without having to switch physical SIMs provided by these networks. That means, that for the eSim to work, there has to be some connectivity anyway. There also has to be connectivity in the first place in order to activate the eSim program paid for by someone outside Gaza (not to mention, they'd need connectivity to get the code, and learn that they're getting an eSim, and how to activate it). If Israel really was intentionally cutting off Gaza's connectivity by shutting down the physical infrastructure, as it's being presented online, eSims would be completely useless. You wouldn't be able to activate them, and you wouldn't have a signal that allowed you to use them. A campaign that misrepresents the basic facts (as if Israel is intentionally denying Gazans connectivity, or as if eSims can provide connectivity all on their own) is suspect to me.

The other reason why eSims wouldn't be a solution for many (if not most) Gazans, even if you do have connectivity, is that it also requires you to have an eSim compatible smartphone. The 'e' in eSim stands for 'embedded.' That means the technology that allows the use of eSims has to be embedded into the phone you're using, and then you can buy and activate an eSim. If you buy an eSim and wanna use it with a smartphone that doesn't have the required technology embedded, that's a bit like buying a wireless charger to use with an older phone that can only be charged through a cable (it just doesn't have the technology embedded that allows it to connect to and be charged by a wireless charger). The technology allowing the use of eSims has only been embedded in more recent phone models, which Gazans are less likely to have.

Regarding that last point, I wanna explain that, as mentioned in the above Hebrew link, before the war Gaza's mobile networks were all operating on 3G technology, even though most phones now operate on 4G or even 5G technology, which means it wouldn't be worth it for the average Gazan to invest in buying a newer phone, which is presumably more expensive than an older model. Especially if it's one that can't even connect to the older 3G network.

That's not to say there wouldn't be any Gazans with newer phones. The myth spread before the war for years called Gaza a 'concentration camp' or 'open air prison' as if people there have nothing (which makes vids comparing Gaza before and after the war particularly ironic. Either there was nothing before the war, and then the war didn't change much, or Gaza was a beautiful, thriving place before the war, and then calling it a 'concentration camp' was a Holocaust distorting lie). Here's the truth, there were indeed many Gazans who were poor and didn't have that much. But there were also Gazans who were extremely rich, the gap there was one of the biggest in the world. A lot of Israelis are familiar with the Twitter hashtag that documented wealth and luxury in Gaza before the war, TheGazaYouDontSee. It was based on an Arabic speaking Israeli Jewish woman following the social media accounts of actual Gazans, and sharing in English what they would upload, showing stuff like resorts, hotels, luxury cars that most Israelis I know can't afford. You know, typical concentration camp stuff. You'd have to scroll back in the hashtag a bit to find those older tweets from before the war, some have been captured and shared on Tumblr as well.

Where does the gap come from? Not all of it, but a big part is about who is in Hamas (and who isn't), who's affiliated with Hamas (and who's not), who gets some of the donated billions of dollars being poured into Gaza over the years and mostly stolen by Hamas, who gets some of the money coming from Qatar, who gets some of the money coming from Iran, and so on. In other words, the poverty that existed in Gaza before, existed despite how much money was being invested in it for years, and because of Hamas and Hamas-related thieves, making a profit out of it, while keeping sections of the Gazan population poor and without aid.

BTW, if there would have been a permanent ceasefire now, this would just be replicated. The world would donate more money than ever, and Hamas would steal almost all of it, with a big chunk going to the financing of terrorism (building terror tunnels we now know are more extensive than the NYC subway or the London tube, stocking up on rockets, drones, explosives, assault rifles, RPGs and more, which allow Hamas to continue to fight the strongest army in the Middle East and target innocent Israeli civilians for over 5.5 months) and the rest lining up their own pockets, enabling them to lead a VERY nice, comfortable, even luxurious life.

So which Gazans are the most likely to have eSim compatible smartphones? The rich ones, who are in or associated with Hamas.

And that brings me to the question of what's the real purpose of the eSims campaign.

One aspect could be the propaganda value of such a campaign. They're not just repeatedly asking people to donate money for eSims, many posts are asking for it, while insisting on the vilifying lie that Israel is keeping Gaza disconnected on purpose. It's a bit like the boycott campaign. Starbucks is not actually affiliated with Israel or Israeli policy, it doesn't even have any branches in Israel, it tried in the past, but had to close here. So why in the world would it finance anything Israeli? When an Israeli Prime Minister has to decide whether to finish off Hamas, so that hundreds of thousands of Israelis can safely return to their homes in southern Israel, he's not calling a chain of cafes that doesn't even sell anything in this country. The only current sort-of-link to Israel, is that the CEO is Jewish. So if Starbucks is boycotted and takes a financial hit, that has zero influence on Israel or its policies. Why then has Starbucks been targeted? Maybe partly because of the CEO, which is antisemitic. But most likely, it's because Starbucks is an easy to spot brand when pics of celebs are being taken, which allows people to talk about the boycott. And that's the value, it's a PR move, to get it into everyone's head that anyone associated with Israel should be canceled. To repeat it constantly regarding different celebs, until the message gets through, that the biggest monster in this world, and the one state that everyone should be united against, is the Jewish one.

The financial aspect. Again, I'm not a big expert, but I can't really see how, if people are being asked to pay eSim providers directly, this would be done for financial gain. I could be wrong, maybe there is some way to funnel the money to the people in the campaign instead of regular Gazans, but on the surface at least, I'm not sure how (since they're not asking for the receipts, just the activation code). It could still be about financial gain in the sense that the eSims aren't providing connectivity when the physical infrastructure is down, but they mean some Gazans haven't had to pay for their internet for a while. Which ones? Most likely, the ones in or affiliated with Hamas. I personally do not like the idea of terrorists launching a massacre that is the opening shot of a war, relying on all the donations they can steal after the end of the war to make it worth while, and then as a perk getting their internet paid for by strangers.

Then there's the direct value to Hamas, meaning the option that the campaign is meant to directly help Hamas' terrorist activity, or terrorist goals. Meaning, not only are the eSims going to people who are in or have connections to Hamas, the codes are sent to them specifically to aid them with harming Israel.

Why am I considering this option? For one thing, because we know that since the start of the war, Hamas terrorists inside Gaza have been directing terrorist activity outside of it. One example is a Palestinian terrorist squad, which was directed from Gaza, and was thankfully stopped before they managed to carry out the attack they were planning, and here's another similar example, of a terrorist squad made up of 13 Israeli Arabs, and directed from Gaza on how to carry out mass terrorist attacks, stopped thanks to documents the IDF found while operating inside Gaza. An attack that was successfully carried out and was confirmed as directed from Gaza, is the one where terrorists shot to death several people in Jerusalem, during what was supposed to be a truce between Israel and Hamas, during which Israeli hostages would be released (I heard this recently on TV, online I sadly only managed to find a source that these terrorists had a track record of being directed from Gaza). These terrorist directives from Gaza require connectivity, preferably of the type that Israeli security can't track.

And we do know that our forces do track Hamas cellular activity. For example, we've learned that on Oct 6, Israel discovered weird cellular activity in Gaza, where a lot of Hamas terrorists were activating (physical) Israeli SIMs, allowing them to connect to local networks once inside Israel. This led to a discussion of Israeli army seniors in the middle of the night, on whether this is a sign that something's up, but eventually it was concluded that Hamas terrorists have done this before, so the alarm was (unfortunately) not raised, and the massacre wasn't prevented. In other words, it's possible that eSims can help Gazan Hamas terrorists to direct terrorist attacks against Israeli civilians outside Gaza, and it's also possible that, when Hamas is continuously trying to breach the Israeli border, an eSim could help them if they make it into Israel, by not needing to activate an Israeli SIM, detectable by Israeli security. IDK that this is the intent, but for me personally, I would prefer to err on the side of caution, and be sure that I haven't unknowingly donated an eSim, that might have assissted in the murder of an innocent civilian.

I also mentioned directly aiding Hamas' terrorist goals, not just their activity. This terrorist organization dared launch its massacre, despite knowing the Israeli reaction would be fierce (as any country's would be if its citizens would have been so extremely brutalized), because it relied on using regular Gazans as human shields, then showing the world horror pictures, which would get everyone distressed enough, that they would overlook the massacre, and Hamas' vow to repeat it, and focus on demanding an immediate ceasefire, saving Hamas from being destroyed. We know Hamas uses "journalists," and some of these "journalists" are actual terrorists (generally, there's no free press in Gaza thanks to Hamas) and others to broadcast this narrative of horrors (that if successful, would lead to greater horrors). The eSims campaign has mentioned specifically providing connectivity to journalists, which means serving the ability of Hamas to go on inundating the world with images that fit the narrative it needs the world to believe, in order to save itself, and continue carrying out terrorist attacks (or God forbid, massacres).

Here's the relevant citation from the campaign site, which highlights providing Gaza "journalists" with eSims:

I'm not gonna tell anyone what to do with their money, but I'll repeat my personal POV. I do think we're all responsible for the money we donate, and we can't just give it away to causes that will make us feel good about ourselves, without making sure that the money won't end up in the hands of terrorists, and do real harm. The latter is our responsibility, even if we didn't know it will go to terrorists, because we should check and make sure that we know who the money goes to. The first responsibility we all have is, "Do no evil," right? Even the least awful scenario of what might be the driving force behind the campaign, is still one that financially compensates people affiliated with Hamas, and contributes to a false demonization of the Jewish State. But at the end of the day, this is an individual choice, that each person has to make for themselves.

I hope my reply helps! Sorry for the length, and hoping that you are doing well, and taking care of yourself! xoxox

(for all of my updates and ask replies regarding Israel, click here)

[iloveyousomuchxoxoxo]

Hey there! I saw ya post and uh wondered if I could request Tom smut.

A one shot where reader and Tom sorta hate eachother but always have this sexual tension, and one day when the group was bored and decided to host a "party" (it was js them watching movies and not really paying attention to it with junk food and soft drinks)

After Edd n Matt go to bed Reader and Tom are left Drunk outta their minds, so yknow they decided to start insulting each other but Tom accidentally lets his real feelings slip and called Reader Hot or smth and they start uh doin the thingy yknow. Sorry if this is long

Fem reader if that's alright! Also I'm sorry if this is too specific but can reader also be around Tom's height? Thanks!

| " Hate and lust are so similar "

AUGH I LOVE THIS??? Sorry it took me so long to see this-- been without a monitor for a little while. Hope you like this! NSFW ;; MDNI !! Tom x FEM!Reader ( P in v, switch!Tom + Switch!Reader, degrading + praise, hate sex(? Maybe?), hair pulling, drunk sex ) okay so this has been ROTTING IN MY DRAFTS FOREVER,,,, and i dont have the motivation to continue it so im posting it as is, if people like it i'll probably finish it

Tom, with his weird black eyes, ugly brown hair, and a smile that made you weak in the knees with.. disgust. You hated him, really. Hated him so much. Though you didn't know much about Tord (you had moved in after the mysterious Norge left), you could understand why he supposedly hated him.

And Tom hated you, too! So it was justified.

"..Ugh, fine." You groaned at Matt, who was stood in front of you, bright eyes sparkling as he had been begging you to get out of your room to hangout with everyone. Including Tom. But, he had promised free drinks.

"Great!" Matt exclaimed, grabbing your hand and dragging you excitedly to the living room. Whoa, Matt and Edd had gone all out, huh? The table was filled to the brim with an assortment of snacks, and beverages, both alcoholic, and regular.

When your eyes settled on the familiar brunette, you felt a pang of annoyance hit you. To be honest, you had forgotten Tom would be here too.

"Oh, great," Tom's voice drawled out, "the local douche is here. Y'not gonna ruin this for all of us, right?" A sigh emerged from Edd, and Matt rolled his eyes. You weren't as amused as Tom seemed to be.

"I should be asking you that, fuckass," you countered in a huff, walking to the very opposite side of the couch and plopping down.

Despite the few quarrels between Tom and yourself, the night had been going surprisingly well! You and Tom had even agreed on something; choice of drink. Smirnoff. It was obvious, you two were clearly drunk off your asses.

"Shouldn't you.. slow down?" Matt offered meekly, brows furrowing. You scoffed loudly, flinging your arms up. "At least drink some water, Y/N!" he demanded, thrusting a bottle of water at you.

With some argument you took the water and downed around half of it. Then chased it with another shot. Matt, clearly frustrated, stormed off. He tended to get pissy when he wasn't listened to, after all. Edd called out to Matt, before following, leaving Tom and you alone. What would usually be your worst nightmare.

But tonight it seemed.. different.

"Ain't Matt such a buzz kill?" you asked Tom, laughing. A chuckle escaped the brit and he nodded, "Always and forever." The two of you cracked up in laughter.

Then, Tom's face turned sour, as if he had tasted something foul. "Shu-- shut up! Yer' laugh is so annoying." You were taken aback, your expression turning less than happy as well. "Excuse me?"

"You heard me, Y/N! Your voice is annoying, every'hing about you s'annoying!" He threw his arms up, as if to somehow make his point more convincing. "So I'm annoying? At least I don't look like a freak!"

The two of you shot back and fourth insults at each other.

"Well-- well YOU sound stupid, stuttering all the time!" You hissed, scowling at Tom, lips curled in a sneer. Did Tom tend to stutter? Not exactly, but sometimes when it was just you too, he'd slip up over his words.

"It's not my fault you're so hot!" He countered, before stopping, going bright red.

You weren't sure if it was the drinks getting to you, or the fact your heart skipped a beat when he had said that-- but you felt an odd feeling collecting at your core. "..You think m'hot?" You asked as carefully as you could.

Shamefully, Tom nodded.

With rather quick movements, you found yourself on Tom's lap, peering down at him expectantly. "Holy fuck-!" He gasped, hands instinctively flying out to grab hold of your waist. "Did you really mean it? Or-- or was it the.. y'know," you nodded towards the empty cans lying around.

A small huff escaped Tom, and he leaned forward, pressing his lips against yours. Deciding that, 'what the hell, I've already come this far', you immediately kissed back, your hands resting themselves on Tom's face. You felt the brit's teeth nip at your lower lip- silently asking for permisson.

You hummed against his lips, not opening your mouth in the slightest. This seemed to annoy him, and his hand snaked around to your back, sliding down ever so slowly. He squeezed hard on the plush of your ass and it caused your breath to hitch, a small gasp escaping you as your back arched.

Tom took the opportunity and shoved his tongue into your mouth, his hands letting up their tight grip on you slightly. After a bit of tongue wrestling, you eventually began to feel something poke at you from underneath.

When you pulled away from Tom, a small string of saliva connected your lips, and the sight made the thing poking you become harder. A grin spread across your face, and you rolled your hips ever so slightly. "Y-- Y/N!" Tom gasped, his hips bucking up slightly, thrusting against you.

Feigning innocence, you cocked your head to the side and raised an eyebrow. "What?" Tom whined as you continued to roll your hips on him, his hips rutting up for any sort of friction on his aching member. He didn't care what stimulation or friction it was-- he just needed something. Anything.

"Quit teasing me, fuckin' whore.." he murmured, clenching onto your ass tightly. You chuckled, shaking your head. "I dunno, your pretty mean to me-- a lot."

Typically you assumed you'd be disgusted at the idea of doing anything like this with Tom of all people.. but the way he looked up at you, his boner rubbing up against you, expression glazed with need, and lust; it made you want him, badly. Feeling your resolve buckle, you swiftly made to unzipping Tom's pants- an action that clearly surprised the drunk.

[articskele]

Hellao everyone!!! Buttermilk Daydreams lore be upon ye!!! :D

Tagging @iiboronii ouo

There’s a lot to see when you’re on the road. Landscapes that look like they came straight out of a movie, bright and vast as you look on in wonder. Stars shimmering overhead and ripples in the lake. The way sunlight shines through the leaves, the haze of a snowstorm, the layers in the sandstone.

Coyotes nipping at your heels, getting tipsy off cactus juice, trying (and failing) to identify edible plants, using marshmallow bags for pillows. Wait, are mules the ones that can stand on super steep inclines? Or was it goats… Yeah, yeah it was definitely goats. Ouch.

It’s a wild world out there, but it’s nothing you can’t handle!

And the sweet relief of finding a town to stop by for the night! A nice breath of fresh air, restocking on supplies, eating good food, and just having idle chit chat. Not to say that mules can’t be conversationalists in their own right, but it’s just nice to be around other people.

Beaming with pride and ambition as you regale the events of your journey to put yourself out there, to prove yourself, to change the world as we know it!!

Or at least that’s what you would do, if anybody bothered to ask.

—

Your heart is bursting at the seams with creativity and enthusiasm, just desperate to be noticed!! And one day, someone does!! This gal in a light blue sweater and overalls – says her name is Artic – matching your enthusiasm right off the bat as she bombards you with questions!

How will this invention of yours work? What about the prototypes? Your mule looks so soft, what’s his name? Woahh, you can play guitar? How long have you been out on the road? What have you seen?

And most importantly… Can I come along?

Turns out she’s been on the road too, with plans of her own and eyes to the skies. She loves his ideas! And not only does she want to see him succeed, she wants to help too! Nobody’s done that before!!

And yknow, she was actually prepared for a big journey like this and packed a lot of boring useful things the Onceler miiight have forgotten about.

And so, they were off!! Melvin now has to deal with two bumbling doofuses aklsdjs

—

They discover the valley, the Onceler sets up shop and chops down the first tree, and it isn’t long until he and the Lorax get in a squabble about it. But Artic steps in, trying to find a compromise.

If we can’t stay here, where else could we go? And besides, there IS a town not far from here. If they haven’t been a problem, then surely we could find a way to stay here?

On the other hand, if thneeds do become a smash hit and people want more, then what? You’ll cut down more trees, unable to stop just to keep up. And at that rate, they’ll all be gone!

Artic lights up as she gets an idea, whispering to the Lorax about it before being given a tentative go ahead. But for the Onceler, it's a surprise and she does a cheeky wink as she runs off to the cottage.

Of course he’s all “Aw cmon! You'll tell him but not me?” and he tries to ask the Lorax what she said but he's not budging.

He tries to sneak a few glances when Artic’s tinkering away, but he can never quite figure out what she’s up to…

—

Until one day, Artic says she’s finally got it. It’s finally done! And she leaves a note saying to meet her at that super tall hill to the east!

The Onceler, the Lorax, and a buncha animals make their way up there, to see Artic with the biggest grin on her face! And straps around her shoulders and waist, and some kinda thingy on her back?

Wait, are those- FWOOSH

Big ol makeshift wings unfurl from her back, causing some of the animals to back up in surprise! She rolls her shoulders, and interestingly, her wings seem to follow the movement.

THIS is what she’s been working towards!! THIS is what she’s been working on for like a month!! THIS is what she, admittedly, had been sneaking out at night to test prototypes for-

You see, Artic wanted to make a way to grab truffula tufts without chopping down the whole tree! But in order to do that, you would need your hands free. So, she made wings that move with your shoulders and upper back!!

(Inspired by the fact that I can make my shoulder blades stick out of my back, and Artic’s wings have a wider range of motion because of that :D)

Plus having a bird’s eye view of the valley gives you an easier time seeing which trees have more tufts, which ones have nests so you don’t disturb them, and it’s just plain fun!!

—

As if on cue, the winds shift. And before you know it, she’s running up the hill, getting closer and closer to the edge until!!

She leaps off, fabric billowing as it catches the air, and she’s off!! Swooping down to a nearby tree, grabbing the tufts, and spiraling down to the soft grass below, her face just barely peeking out from the armfuls of pink fluff :D

The Onceler runs up and tackle hugs her, but she’s like “AAA WAIT” bc the wings are kinda fragile and wouldn’t handle her landing on her back too well, so the two of them just kinda spin around mid-hug to regain balance ouo

The Onceler is absolutely ENAMORED with the wings, inspecting every little part and the materials and how everything was put together and!!!!!

Actually, speaking of which, he suggests that she could've used a different type of stitch on the fabric in order to keep all these moving parts together.

To which Artic admits that she doesn't actually know how to sew, she just figured it out from watching him- So he offers to make celebratory pancakes and teach her a thing or two ouo!!

—

I’ve always imagined Greenville looking less… Suburban? Is that the word? Honestly everytime I see canon Greenville it’s a jarring experience aklsfjds

I picture half-timbered style houses, little flower planters in the windowsill, this central farmer’s market type area in the center near that marble gazebo thingy the Onceler performs at.

Maybe there’s a part where the land goes upwards into a hill, and that was made into a dirt path that goes up around the back of the town where you can look over the whole thing!

And there’s a grassy flowery field up there that makes for a perfect picnic spot ouo. Maybe a small pond too!

The whole place just feels more organic and cozy ouo

—

The two of them go into town for the first time, with Artic selling pies and people love it, while the Onceler tries to sell his thneed and you know how that goes.

The look in her eyes when she sees how they're treating him- And the fact that everyone's being so nice to her just makes it worse! They broke his guitar and everything ono

Where's that one meme of someone holding another person and pointing their finger bc THAT'S HER. Just holding this dude way taller than she is and ready to throw hands aslkfjsdf

And when they get back she offers to wash all the tomato out of his clothes and she’s just so sweet and supportive and arghrgksdfd I need to be there for him!!!!!

She finds a buncha seeds in the tomato splatter, so they grow their own tomato plant outside the cottage! Finding good even when things don’t go as planned, and now they get to make a homemade pizza together!!

—

And by this point Artic had built a second set of wings just for him, larger and more built for gliding long distances as opposed to Artic’s more angular high speed wings.

There’s this scene in my head where he’s using the wings for the first time, and he loses balance and almost crashes but Artic swoops in and saves him, and they’re just smiling at each other and akjskdf <3

—

Artic and the Onceler making homemade hot chocolate! They were originally just making it for themselves, but the Lorax showed up like “What are you two makin all this racket about?” along with some other critters, so they ended up making a whole buncha hot chocolate for everybody!!

Here we've only got one rule, never ever let it cool!!

Just this fun montage of them getting everything prepared! What do you MEAN you haven’t seen the hot chocolate scene in the Lorax movie-

Eventually they run out of mugs, so they had to use stuff like bowls and gravyboats- And they had a buncha toppings to go with it! Candy canes and cinnamon sticks and chocolate wafer sticks, and of course a buncha big ol marshmallows ouo

Artic and the Onceler clink their mugs together and everybody sips their drinks and there’s just this big collective sigh of comfort -u-

The Lorax gets a hot chocolate mustache, and if this were a real scene in the movie, I could totally see “double mustache” becoming an old fandom meme

The window’s open and it’s a bit chilly, so Artic goes to shut it, but she can see her breath a little bit. They don’t exactly have a weather forecast out there, but given those clouds in the distance they might get a snowstorm soon!! Her and the Onceler getting all excited about how they’re gonna make snowmen and have snowball fights-

Buuut they realize their little pop-up cottage situation probably isn’t built for that kinda weather. It’s certainly waterproof! I imagine it’s got a top layer of this thick scratchy tarp stuff with fabric underneath?

But either way there’s definitely not enough insulation for the cold. Not to mention the snow could build up on the roof and send the whole thing collapsing in on itself!

Luckily, these two are smart cookies with a love for tinkering. They’ll figure something out! They always do ouo

—

AAAA Artic and the Onceler are just so bright and energetic and full of life!!! Long days and bright skies and goofy little dances and the smell of fresh blueberry pancakes and going to the farmers market and stargazing and working with what you’ve got!

There's always some new invention or adventure or something to explore, just fun slice-of-life shenaniganry! The air is fresh and the sunlight is warm and everything is gonna be alright ouo

Now this whole time they’ve just been friends. Buddies! Business partners, even! But the Onceler thinks he might be starting to have feelings for her… So with no one else to go to, he asks the Lorax for advice.

Though not without a bit of searching first. Geez, where is that guy when you need him?

When asked what he likes about Artic, I mean, just look at her!

She’s brilliant! She made wings and jumped off a cliff and it worked, how crazy is that! She’s just so… Fun! And full of energy and bright like the sun! Oh, and she makes an amazing pie, you’re really missing out- And she listens to me, and we bounce ideas off of each other, and…

She thinks I’m worth something.

Basically these two are obviously crushing on each other but they’re sooo awkward and oblivious about it and the Lorax is just in the background like “KISS EACH OTHER ALREADY”

—

They have soooo many little nicknames for each other- They don't really use "standard" petnames but they'll just go back and forth calling each other all sorts of goofy stuff

Ollie. Butterfly. Hummingbird. Bumblebee. Morning glory. Buttercup. Sunflower. Dragonfly. Dandelion. Sweet pea. Bell pepper. Sweet potato. Milkshake. Apple fritter. Cornbread. Texas toast. Egg sugar salt flour bake at 350 degrees-

—

Suffice to say, neither the Onceler nor Artic had good families. But even if their circumstances were similar, the way they responded to it are near opposites.

The Onceler still wants to believe that his family cares about him.

Given how his family lives in the middle of nowhere, maybe he didn’t leave very often. And between that and a lack of friends, he never had much frame of reference for what’s healthy and normal.

He’s so used to just giving in and doing what they want, in the hopes that eventually they’ll see how hard he’s worked and give him the validation he craves. He set out on this whole journey to prove himself to his family.

He’s always been told that family is important, if not the most important thing out there. Blood runs thicker than water, they say. He still talks to them because they’re his family, how could he ever let them go?

So he keeps convincing himself that if he just tries hard enough, everything will work out. 

—

Meanwhile Artic set out to prove to herself that there’s more to life than a cluttered room.

You go outside and feel fresh air fill your lungs and you remember the world is real again. Those mountains in the distance can be touched! They can be climbed!

There’s a feeling in your chest, in your gut. All the things you never did, all the things you never said. All that pent-up energy built up into the very core of your being and left to fester, acidic and searing through anything it touches.

But it doesn’t feel like that anymore. It hasn’t ever since you came to the valley.

Ever since you left that house you knew you were searching for something, but you could never quite figure out what.

But the answer was right here all along. You were looking for home.

Home is an unfamiliar concept to you. A vague sensation, a faraway daydream, something you never thought you’d see. But it’s here now. You’ve found it.

Open windows. A sunlit room. The smell of a cake in the oven. The soft strumming of music in the air. A warm embrace under soft, heavy blankets. You’re safe. You’re home.

—

Sometimes there are long, tearful nights talking about the past. Both of them coming to the realization that their circumstances were not, in fact, the most normal thing in the world. Nor did they deserve that treatment.

Both of them have been hurting for a long, long time. But in the subtle way, the way that makes you question if you’re just overreacting. A hundred little “not as bad as it could’ve beens”, tucked away in the cabinet.

One night, during one of these talks, Artic asks if she's… Damaged goods, so to speak. Of course to which the Onceler says she's not a burden at all!

We're both fruit in the basket that's been a little battered up but if there's anything he's learned on the farm, it's that overripe bananas make the best banana bread, and sometimes the watermelons with spots and webbing are the sweetest.

Like he just goes on a tangent about ripeness and flavor in crops and it's adorable and she's just watching him with a smile <3

Because now that they’re here, they can start to heal. They’ve found home in each other, and now, they’re never letting go. Figuratively or literally, they’re so snuggly they just cling to each other in their sleep like their lives depend on it

Also Artic has pajamas similar to the Onceler’s! Except they’re pink with offwhite hearts, and with short sleeves and shorts. And socks, specifically the white ones with the gray toe and heel ouo

—

With the sharp ringing of the telephone, the Onceler’s family calls him insisting to know where he is. Not because of his invention, but because they want money from him.

This wasn’t new, and back at the house, he had a habit of hiding his stuff so nobody would steal it. But when his family found out he had been hiding money from them, they’d just guilt trip him into handing it over anyways.

But if you budge on your boundaries, that won’t satisfy them. They’re just gonna keep pushing now that they know the pressure works.

—

So it isn’t long until a trailer barrels through the forest, and boy is it a mess

His family clowning him for living in the middle of the woods and still not amounting to anything, his mom keeps calling Artic his girlfriend (derogatory), everybody’s just trampling around like they own the place.

And while the Onceler is still very intimidated by all this, his movements made stiff with stress, he is able to stand up for himself thanks to Artic’s support. But they still show no signs of leaving.

So, Artic meets up with the Lorax and the animals and gets to planning. After all, they do say that intruders get cursed by the forces of nature…

Through a combination of nature and machine, a buncha little contraptions get set up in the night to scare the Onceler’s family away! And a sigh of relief sweeps through the valley-

When the trailer barreled in and outta there, a lot of trees got trampled and snapped. The leftover wood was then used for firewood, among other things.

The wood itself smells pleasantly sweet when burned, and they discovered that the inner bark makes for a cinnamon-like powder that tastes like butterscotch!

—

And for a while, things are back to normal, with the duo’s latest adventure being exploring the valley, charting it all on a big ol map! But one day…

He’s not quite sure how it happened. Artic was seemingly gone without a trace.

Both of them often split up to do their own thing, so it wasn’t a worry at first, but the day was almost over and she hadn’t even left a note. Maybe she had gotten lost in the valley? But her wings and the map were still at the cottage.

The Lorax says that he spotted her in town earlier, having what was clearly a tense conversation with someone he had never seen. He swore he only looked away for a second, but with that, she was gone like the breeze.

So with that, he grabbed his wings and set out to find her. Without much of a lead, the search took days on foot and hoof and wing alike. But eventually, he found it.

—

A regular old house, or so it would seem, In a place where not even fireflies gleam Grass that grickled and tickled and scratched at your skin A well-worn doormat that beckons you in

And in the dark hues of blues in the night Where clouds came to stifle the full moon’s light All the windows were shut, locked as tight as they could All but one, where a lone figure stood

There behind the curtains Look close and you’ll see Soft blue eyes drip, drip, dripping

—

I’m not exactly sure how her family found her in Greenville, or why they brought her back. I imagine for some kind of family event? But then there was a holiday coming up soon, and this, and this, and before she knew it she was living there again.

And she stayed there because she felt like she didn’t have a choice. That, and, she thought she could help. Her family is struggling, but if she stays any longer, this house threatens to swallow her whole.

Artic looked… Tired. Awfully so. She glanced to the side, almost yelling in surprise as she finally noticed the Onceler standing there at the windowsill sjkfsd

Hushed chatter, a quick kiss, having to hide and pretend to be asleep at one point… The hope in her eyes, accentuated with tears that sparkled in the hazy moonlight, was heartbreakingly bittersweet. I missed you so much.

…I wanna go home.

Then let’s go home.

—

When they get back everything seems all fine and dandy, but Artic can’t help but wonder.

They had bonded over their passion and spirit of adventure. For being as bright as the sun and twice as energetic. For all the ideas they’ve shared and the things they’ve made and the places they’ve been.

But what if she can’t always be like that? Would he still love her then? When she’s tired and scared and can’t get anything done? When she feels as though she could shatter at any moment? When she needs a lot of comfort and encouragement just to keep going?

She resents feeling so down, telling herself that she’s not supposed to be like this. That she’ll just bring everyone down with her.

Is it not Euridice’s fault for dying, for being the reason Orpheus trekked into the underworld? She’s terrified of losing what they have, but even more scared of being the reason it fizzles out.

But she’s brought out of her thoughts as a hand gently pushes the hair out of her face, followed by a dreamy sigh. There she is. There’s the girl he fell in love with.

—

Of course he’ll still love her when she’s feeling blue. How could he not? The Onceler fell in love with her, not just her happiness. How could he not love her in her darkest moments when she did the same for him? How could he not?

And besides, you can’t expect anyone to be happy all the time, especially not with what we’ve been through. You don’t have to be a certain way to be lovable, to be loved. You just are.

I love you. And I’ll say it as many times as I need to convince you.

—

One of these nights, they have dreams of if things were different. If the Onceler achieved incredible success beyond his wildest dreams, but it came at a cost. Of the valley, of his workers, of Artic.

Basically they dream of the Biggering AU, and when they wake up to tell each other the crazy dream they just had, they realize that the events line up perfectly. Some kinda funky shared dream situation

When they go and ask the Lorax about it, he just says that the valley works in mysterious ways.

To which the Onceler scoffs. He can believe a colorful valley and a giant furry peanut, but either of them being magic is too far!

The dream spurs conversation of what could’ve gone differently, if they would change things if they could, and if it would even be worth it.

But while things haven’t been perfect, they have each other, and they wouldn’t trade that for the world. The time will pass anyways, so might as well enjoy it.

They have another shared dream later, but this time it’s all sweet and fluffy with giant fruit ouo

—

Here is the playlist!!

High Hopes: The Onceler setting out on his journey, always keeping his eyes to the skies, even when the light hurts. He’s gonna shine that bright one day. Taking his mother’s words like "burn your biographies" and "light up your wildest dreams" and twisting them into something positive. This song is the embodiment of the Onceler’s optimism.

The Mall & Misery: The journey itself! Passing under archways of branches and leaves, across expanses of sand, over the rivers and through the reeds. Humble beginnings, working with what you’ve got, hope in every step. You are destined for greatness. And somewhere, a girl lives and breathes…

The Once-ler’s Traveling Madness: But yknow, even soon-to-be great inventors get bored sometimes.

World’s Smallest Violin: Meeting Artic!! Wanting to be something more, having ambitions so high it burns in your chest. I don’t think I can properly articulate the magic in this song. “Like finishing this melody / This feels like a necessity / So this could be the death of me / Or maybe just a better me!!”

This Is The Place (Tricky Version): Tricky version my beloveddddd I love how this song shows so much of his personality!! How he just carelessly hops from one thing to the next with a tip of his hat

Onceler Lorax Meet: This is also here just because I love this part of the OST, it’s so fun :D

Put Your Records On: Sunny days and a cool breeze, just Artic and the Onceler in the valley together! Loosening up a little, being goofy and free, calling each other silly nicknames! Believing in the Onceler when no one else did, hoping that his dreams come true ouo

Stars At Our Backs: I just can't help but think of this song when I think of the test flight, or just flying with the wings in general!! The spirit of adventure, the determination to try and try again and make this work, and that part at 2:35 just has this sappy romantic feel to it hehe -u-

Houseguests: Also just part of the OST bc I love it ouo

Everybody Needs A Thneed: The two of them are brainstorming songs to help him sell his thneed, and this is what Artic comes up with! There’s a little scene of her performing it in the cottage and it’s just delightful :D

Nobody Needs A Thneed: Another banger of a scrapped song!! ALSO THIS STORYBOARD IS CANON. TO ME.

Yesterday: Based on this hc!! In terms of story, this could be him still feeling down after failing to sell the thneed, playing the melodica since his guitar isn’t fixed yet.

Fine: Artic, the Lorax, and the animals cheering him up! Making him feel welcome, showing him that this isn’t the end. Another representation of his persistent optimism, and even the guitar in the song shows that it’s been fixed! ouo

September: Just soft and cozy and whimsical vibes -u-

Hot Chocolate: HOT CHOCOLATE SCENE MY BELOVEDDD :D This song is what inspired it in the first place!!

All I Want For Christmas Is You: THIS SONG. This has been stuck in my head for so long because of him. I JUST WANNA SEE MY BABYY STANDING THERE OUTSIDE MY DOOR- And the Onceler unironically loves this song, he’s suuuch a Christmas guy

Yes to Heaven: I struggle to describe what this one means. Somewhere between the Onceler being able to stand up to his family with Artic’s support, them realizing their love for each other, and how this is an AU where he doesn’t destroy the environment and it’s just peaceful ouo

With You Around: AND ALL MY LIFE I LOOKED FOR YOUUUU FOR ARMS THAT I COULD FALL INTOOOOO- If the Onceler family leaving marked the end of the movie, this is the opening to part two :D

Moon: There’s this scene where they make their way up a super tall hill that peeks above the clouds, taking in the view <3 Also there’s a single truffula fruit up there that’s the sweetest they’ve ever tasted

Search for the Girl: What the title says, the Onceler and his search for the missing Artic!

If I Needed You: Finding her and taking her home…….. Also it’s sung by Ed Helms ouo

Home: And here’s the part where I start crying if I haven’t already- They’re home now….. They’re safe….. They know each other better than anyone and the future is the soft glow of the sun peeking through the curtains on a brisk morning <3

We Fell in Love in October: I love you. And I’ll say it as many times as I need to convince you. AAAAAUGH

Go To Sleep!: Now with all that being said, it’s late and you have a bad habit of staying up. Time for eepy

Butterfly Wings: The shared dream plot! Also butterfly is one of the Onceler’s favorite nicknames for Artic <3

Strawberry Avalanche: A direct reference to the last dream with its giant fruit, just something unabashedly sweet and fluffy after everything these two have been through ouo

Sweet Little Bumblebee: Yeah I have no lore explanation for this I just like imagining them dancing to this song. Also sometimes the Onceler calls her bumblebee!

Hamtaro Credits: Artic finds some old Hamtaro DVDs in town so they watch some episodes together and it’s just nice and nostalgic. I picture them trying to do the little credits dance, and it makes for a cute end to the playlist ouo

—

And lastly, if you made it this far, here's an old sketch of the hot chocolate scene that I really wanna fully draw someday :D

[priestfrommidnightmass]

regarding me recovering from my situationship for all those invested:

i know judging by my posts a few days ago it may seem like i am Very Unwell (and don’t get me wrong i very much DID need to get all of those feelings out and it WAS really intense for me and i’m not going to pretend like it wasn’t or anything like that. like i WAS feeling all that.) HOWEVER. now that i’ve had a few days to recover and really think abt it and process it all, i do genuinely believe that moving on is going to be Much easier than i ever would’ve expected it to be. if you were to ask me a few months ago (fuck even a few days ago bro 😭) i would’ve said it was fr Impossible. but honestly i feel so… free is the only word i can think to describe it lol. a part of me is kinda fully able to appreciate what our relationship actually Is for the first time now that i have my questions answered of what it is. it’s not weighed down by the burden of the hope/expectation of something more like i’m able to actually appreciate our closeness and the fact that he’s been so endlessly loving with me entirely without the ulterior motives of trying to get with me or anything yknow? like i’ve always known we were good friends but i’ve never fully grasped how wonderful our Friendship really is and a lot of pressure has been lifted tbh 😭 before i used to overthink every single interaction and now i’m able to just exist around him and enjoy his presence fully. he’s always meant so much more to me than whatever fantasy ideas i quietly hoped for so letting go of this One part of it is like. nothing in the long run whatsoever. honestly the thing i was most afraid of is that our conversation would affect us being able to be close for a while/forever and that it would be weird to be around him at any point but honestly it’s so far from that 😭 if anything it makes it a lot easier since the truth is out there and i’m no longer being weird bc i’m keeping a secret yknow. now we can just exist and enjoy each others company and it’s honestly kind of awesome. you may be thinking boy it’s not that serious but it really is to me. like he’s honestly one of the greatest friends i’ve ever had that i get to see in real life and especially one that’s a guy like it’s one of the most fulfilling and validating relationships i’ve ever had. all that to say: i’m good guys 🙏 i just needed to be dramatic for a second i’m glad i got it all out and i appreciate so many people being so supportive of my insane posting journey. a part of my feelings for him will probably always be there at least a little bit but not to the point where it’s debilitating or life ruining like it was 😭 it might seem like a very drastic switch but honestly our talk was kinda all i needed to help me get over it and i’ve now realized i’m not losing anything which i don’t think fully clicked before so i’m actually doing really well. so what if we never fucked whatever we still have is much more bizarre

[plantwithoutplot]

Oh oh for the ask game i’d love to hear you answer 11, 14, and 16!!

Ooooh thank you for the ask!! You've picked interesting ones for sure ゞ(’ꇴ’*)ノ ヾ(*’ꇴ’)ノ” Sorry it took me a while to answer but I really really had to connect those damn 2 braincells I have left 🤣 that and being a working adult sucks

11. Which non-Straw Hat character would you love to see join the crew?

AAAAH THIS 🥲🥲....

My Top 3 would be:

1. Vivi. BECAUSE CMON SHE IS A STRAWHAT AND ALWAYS WILL BE 🥹🥹🫶🫶🫶🩷

2. Yamato!! 🩵🤍🩷 My boy dederves to go on an adventure and he would fit so well with the crew (*´▽`*)❀ He's got just the right amount of Crazy/Braincells to belong with them! Plus, he always wanted to be free, to be able to finally go out and explore the world and discover all of its wonders 😭💙

3. Bonclay 🦢 Honestly he was an icon and we loved him and the crew loved him (the idiotic ones at least) and he would have been a great nakama 😭😭😭

14. If you were to have one of the devil fruits in the series, which one would you have?

Some of yall may not like this answer buuuuut... The Yami Yami No Mi 🤔

We only know the basics of the fruit and yet it already gives its user SO MANY powers, literally and metaphorically speaking? Not only can you copy (steal) another Devil Fruit power, but darkness in itself brings so many possibilities!!

Like, we have seen Blackbeard use it similarly to a black hole (absorbing light/drawing anything close, thus affecting gravity), but what if there is more?

Can you use it to shadow travel? Could you use it like a warp gate/wormhole? Can you still steal another Devil Fruit's power even if it is the opposite of the Yami Yami no Mi? What is the limit of Devil Fruit powers you can steal? Can you use them simultenaously and how much does it tires you out? What would the drawback be? What would be the best combination to come up with????

Sorry for the ramble lmao this fruit just rubs my brain the right way, yknow 🤧🤧

16. If you were to make fake devil fruit, what would you call it and how would it work? And what would happen if it awakened?

OOF THIS IS A TOUGH, TOUGH ONE Σ(　 Д )ﻌﻌﻌﻌ⊙ ⊙

Y'all know I'm a sucker for time travels/loops....... So........ Quite obviously, this is gonna be the theme.

It would be a man-made fruit, like the SMILEs. However, because of its nature and creation process, I doubt it would be a manufactured one. What I mean by that is, while created by people, it couldn't be on as big a scale as Cesar/Doflamingo/Kaidou managed for the SMILEs. Why? Because the processus wouldn't involve any SAD, nor experiements ― but I'll come back to that!

What's the Fake Devil Fruit's power? It will be that of a paramecia! It will however be limited to giving you the power of a Devil Fruit that doesn't already have a power.

What's the take? While you do get a chance at having a Paramecia power (and awaken it like you would any other paramecia)... That shall only be so upon your death. So not only do you have to experience death to get that power (you are brought back to the moment/state you were in as you died), but you only have 1 chance out of 200 for it to work. You cannot know whether or not you've won the Fake Devil Fruit Lottery up until your last breath. For comparison, SMILEs give you 1 chance out of 100 to get a Zoan's power. Plus, since this wouldn't be a manufactured product, it means that there would only be a scarce amount available on a yearly basis.

How is it created? Thanks to the combined powers of two Devil Fruits! Which I have made up but according to Egghead Island that ain't too far-fetched lol By combining the powers of the Reset Reset no Mi (Sorry for the japenglish but I ain't gonna try and translate this), which allows you to reset time back (for a few minutes only, but up to 6 hours if you have awakened it), and the power of the Odd Odd no Mi, which allows you to slightly manipulate the odds of an event (here, the successful creation of a fake Devil Fruit that use the Reset Reset no Mi to give its user a second chance).

How would it be named? Well........ Y'all know me........ I'm a sucker for terrible, terrible puns............

All Hail the Loopsie-Daisy 🍉🍎🍍

[upsidedowngrass]

Charlotte post NOW (/j only if u want!!)

AHHH charlotte jumpscare!!!!!!!

im not sure what SPECIFICALLY to post abt her bc this ask is a little vague, BUT i do think abt her a lot!!! tho i DO gotta think about her more, she is a WONDERFUL character

bc idk what specifically, my interpretation of her post canon and WHY (also under a readmore because WOW!! i had apparently a lot to say abt her):

i think!!! she is a LOT more mellow after she gets home. like in one 16 after shes respawned its like. she seems to be friendlier? which. i think has to do w like... i dont think she was a bad person really, and i dont think shed been acting Maliciously, but when it came to having friends i think it was really easier for her to genuinely take things as worst as they could be. we dont actually get much of her backstory, so its up to interpretation as to WHY, but i think she genuinely struggled with being distrustful of those close to her. she likes them, that much is clear, but trusting people is a whole other thing

but i think she really DID view her friends as pitying her. as not respecting her, even when they werent Being cruel. they were concerned for her safety, and how her recklessness was affecting her. and i think that can end up walking a line between pity and not wanting your friends to do things that are pretty unambiguously dangerous, and what was very standard friendship ended up feeling a lot MORE like they didnt respect her or her choices

and i think what changes this is that. she DID die. and i think that contextualized for her that her friends werent concerned because they thought she couldnt handle herself, but because they just Generally care abt her yknow? as fucked up as her dying is, i think it did ultimately make her realize that THIS is what her friends were worried about. they didnt want THIS to happen to her, and i think in an odd way? it kinda made her. idk understand? trust? the people around her more. like in a 'oh, people around me dont only care about me for selfish reasons, or cruel reasons. they care because they CARE' way

and i think that, and the fact that she says that shed been thinking about this a lot? i feel like it kinda all forced her to slow down and WANT to talk to the people around her. because shed been pushing them all away because what was the point in talking to them? and i think once she REALLY noticed how amelia was doing, after thinking so much about all this, it kinda MADE her want to amend things. or at the very least, to talk to people more. shes isolated herself long enough, and its now more than ever that she realizes how much others meant to her in the first place.

(i think in some aspects, amelias method of coping also bothered her. amelias coping mechanisms werent necessarily BAD, theyre not good by real-world standards, but given the situation shes in, it was just... once of the few ways she COULD cope. but i think the flaws in this method of coping really came through once airy came back, because in forgetting everything about who she used to be, earth became a very daunting place, but now that airys back, any amount of feeling like home the plane may have unfortunately gained was completely undone. and i think charlotte actually SEES that, and its not the exact same as her own struggles, but i think she WANTS to help amelia, because she of all people knows how the feeling of being isolated, either on purpose or accident, can feel Extremely Awful. that, and she knew amelia before things on the plane got REALLY bad, and she SAW (since ive seen people note that she!!! was watching amelia do yoga w the others) amelia gradually give up, become comfortable, and then LOSE all of that

and i think, at least right before bryce showed up, it felt fucked up that charlotte WAS the only other person from the same world as amelia and theyd!!! never even spoken about it??? (like how she comments that they NEVER told each other their names. which only applies to her and amelia. that statement was intended very specifically towards amelia) and its like. i think it mightve made her a bit 'no WONDER shes not doing well. even if shes trying to act like she is' (which i dont even think amelia is doing to deflect so much as an attempt at 'if i pretend its ok it WILL be ok right?'))

and!!! once getting home i think this would all really lead her to be a bit more patient with others. i dont think the distrust would STOP being an issue, but i think such a terrible experience causing her to completely recontextualize the actions of those around her would actually help, at least a little . i dont actually know if i think shed stay friends w parker and that friend group, but i think theyd at the least keep in touch. parker clearly, even when they were arguing, STILL cared about her, and i think seeing her disappear probably was. a bit haunting, and so i think at the very least hed like to know shes Okay

also whenever people have the characters live together post canon, they only ever include bryce liam and amelia, and i GET why!!! charlotte didnt really interact w them for a looong time. but after charlotte is revived i actually see her as talking with them yknow? i dont think shed stop talking to them again, and i think her talking with amelia was a genuine attempt to help!! so i think theyd stick together. i dont imagine liam actually gets closer with any of the contestants while hes trying to send them home (tho i dont think it worsens substantially either. i think it just sorta. stays where it is? and if he did have notable interactions with any of them, itd PROBABLY be mainly w amelia and bryce, tho i dont think he DOESNT talk to charlotte too! he just has a diff sort of connection w those to, based on the experiences he Shared w them) so i think he isnt SUPER close w charlotte, but i think the others may become WAY closer w her!!! so i think if they all moved in together? that WOULD include charlotte!!! (that, and i think charlotte would also develop a sort of respect for liam . because he kinda DOES display exactly the type of traits she didnt really see people as having!!! going to EXTREME lengths to help people, including HER! so i think shed generally have many thoughts on him)

anyway !!! thats it the point is that as much as one would fuck charlotte up in her own way, i think, similar to how bryce tried to get his life together after he was first eliminated, shed similarly end up having a better ability to navigate social stuff in not such a pessimistic way as before!!!!!

[lacepockets]

That Time I Helped A Book Get Published

I've been what you would classify as "an artist" for pretty much my entire life. Or, at least, as long as I could hold a pencil. As soon as I even vaguely figured out how to make a picture transfer from my brain onto paper (or whatever surface, including the walls, and woe betide anyone who tries to clean that away), I completely unloaded on the world.

Not much of my art survived until now, but here's a few from I think around when I was 8 or 9 years old. Forever stuck in the 3/4 angle facing viewer left.

That said, I was never much of a fanartist; I've always preferred to create original characters, either that exist in series I was a fan of (which I GUESS is a type of fanart? but not really what people think of when they say fanart) or I would make up entire worlds and populate them. I would make up stories to go with this too, and often made either comics or pseudo-books out of them which I just stapled together. Some things never change, really.

I would even LARP my stories all by myself (I was every character), complete with costumes and background music that was usually comprised of the soundtracks of Disney movies, video games, and later anime, which I would blast from my awesome 1990s audio player.

(I also had a Discman eventually but I have more memories of this thing)

When I learned how to, I would even make like mixtapes from the songs I used to make up my story's soundtrack. I would pretend(?) that these stories were "real" as in they were actual cartoons or whatever that I was a fan of. I didn't have any friends so it's not like I shared these things with anyone, but that didn't really stop me. I simply talked to myself about them and wrote my own critic reviews and "episode summaries".

I really do not know how I was not screened for autism when I was a child, but whatever, I'm here now.

Drawing and making up stories and such took up pretty much all of my time that wasn't already taken up by video games or books.

I was even drawing in class. To be honest I was a terrible student — I never really paid attention to anything unless it happened to be about something I was already hyperinterested in, and I subsequently did not give a flying hoot about grades. Instead of doing classwork or, yknow, listening to my teachers, I would be drawing. Some teachers caught on to the fact that I was drawing, and for those classes I switched to pretending to be taking notes or doing work but I was actually writing about my OCs.

Anyway, all this is to say, one of my teachers really liked my drawings, even though they weren't really any better than typical child doodles in my opinion.

I don't fully remember what grade this was, maybe 2nd or 3rd? This teacher was supportive of my drawings even though it was technically disruptive of my learning. She'd ask to see what I was drawing and would talk to me about it, though I wasn't ever really keen on talking about it with her, and sometimes she asked me to draw something for her. She really liked Mickey Mouse so it was usually him.

One day this teacher told me she was writing a children's book, but she needed an artist to illustrate it. So she asked me if I wanted to be the illustrator for her book. I said yes, and she and I worked together on the book for I think a couple months? I can't fully say what the book was about, all I remember is that it was about a little girl with freakishly big pigtails. I don't even remember the title, I wish I could.

The book was eventually published.

It's really funny to think that there's a book out there that my 2nd or 3rd grade teacher wrote and little baby me illustrated, and I just have zero memory of what it is. I sometimes wonder how many people have read the book or bought it for their kids or something and I am just completely ignorant of it.

[respitelocklyre]

I made the cheer squad!!! I have a lil more to say but that's the important bit- updates under the cut like always ✨

Cheer tryouts were waaay different than i expected!! I kind of thought it'd be a big ordeal but it was just me and one other freshman who tried out, so we were obvs accepted lol Not that we wouldn't have made it in anyways since we both looked fucking great!! Especially considering I haven't even done any of those moves since last fall. The squad is pretty small and i don't think they do competitive stuff but that's fine, we never did in high school either. I'm more interested in getting to know the rest of the silkball team we'll be cheering on, if the try-outs were any indication of what's to come 🤭 There's this cute owl-guy I might have my eye on- i think he works at the tavern too!!

Oh yeah, i also got the work-study at the tavern! I figure i'll just quit if i don't like it lol but anyways come say hi if ur on campus- i promise you'll recognize me on sight. I'm pretty easy to spot hehe

Oh oh oh and congrats to Mire for getting on the team too!! and for scoring some points with their crush (they can thank me later~). I wonder if they're gonna be able to play well while being cheered on lmaaooo

Classes have been fine, but tbh i haven't rlly been able to pay attention to them since i've been busy partying, meeting new people, and adjusting to life on campus! It's kinda overwhelming, my contacts have like doubled since i got here. And everything is like...way different, yknow? Obvs I didn't think it'd be the SAME as high school, but the vibes are soooo different is all. idk what to make of it all yet but i know that im LOVING being away from home and enjoying my freedom so far <3 Cathy told me the first month or so would probably be rlly hard but idk what she was talking abt bc no one grounds me for waking them up when i get home at 2 am and not even the raven queen can stop me from eating icecream for dinner now.

+++++

In reality, this party was kind of lame, even as Respite typed otherwise to his friends— they'd opted to ditch him for a studying session, so he sure as hell wasn't going to let on that the party was anything but lit. They had a feeling most of them probably wouldn't care, but Willow might feel a touch regretful, so the lie was worth it.

After sending the message to the group chat and briefly checking tinder for any new DMs or matches— maybe he could escape this place and turn the night around— to no avail, they pocketed their phone. How annoying. They rolled their eyes and leaned against the wall, taking a slow sip at the drink they’d been nursing for the past hour. Respite wasn’t really a fan of drinking on the best of nights and all they had to offer here was shitty beer. After a moment of pouting and observing the dimly lit room, they turned and parted the dusty, moth-eaten curtain to look out the window again.

If anyone had noticed the way Respite kept flitting out to the porch or the front window, no one said anything. They did try to keep it discreet, at least, and simply worked it into the way they naturally made the rounds every now and then to talk to different people or get another drink. He liked to move around a lot at parties anyways to make sure that he saw everyone's faces and said hi to them all.

On the opposite side of the spectrum was Mettie, who, shortly after arriving and greeting a few people, had taken an edible or something and parked himself outside on the porch. From there, he seemed to be spending most of his time at the party smoking with other people who needed some fresh air and enrapturing (ensnaring?) them with his long-winded conversation. Respite wasn't sure if this had been his goal when agreeing to come to the party, but it had been the result.

It dawned on Respite slowly that they hadn't really seen Mettie at a party like this before. Well, okay— they'd seen Mettie at one or two big house parties in passing, but they'd never actually spent much time watching him. He’d been the dealer for about 75% of their high school (it was a devastating loss to the community when he’d done his year abroad), so it was hard not to run into him from time to time at parties. But in high school, he was mostly regarded as weird and off-putting. People got what they wanted from him and were generally polite, but it wasn't like he was always invited to stick around. And when he was, it did usually end up like this— he'd put himself in a less populated corner somewhere and make puzzling conversation with those willing to listen.

In their hometown, it had felt like everyone else tolerated it because Mettie was a valuable resource. They knew his penchant for rambling, though, and tried not to engage— Respite himself included.

They couldn't place the feeling as they watched Mettie from the window now, with a handful of people gathered around him, held captive by the way he spoke. These people weren't just being polite, either. They were listening— sometimes even smiling and laughing with him. Sure, they were probably stoned too, but that hardly mattered. It's not like this was the first time it had happened since he’d learned Mettie was also attending Strixhaven. At their cafe shift, during orientation, and at the career fair...things were clearly different here.

A couple of years ago, Respite never would've invited Mettie to a house party with him. It would've been social suicide— he knows; he'd thought about it once early on and didn't even get far enough to invite Mettie before the ridicule started up— and though it had taken a lot to fight against their instinct, they needed to test their theory: Did people here actually like Mettie's company? This party seemed to confirm it for the positive.

In Respite's mind, the jury was still out on whether or not Mettie was cool, but at the very least it seemed like no one was going to corner him in the bathroom and interrogate him about why they saw him talking to the freak who looked like he was one bad day away from shooting up the school (untrue, of course, and tasteless in a way only teenagers could be, but Respite had forced out a laugh at the time).

There was a feeling of relief in that. In knowing that neither of them would be under constant scrutiny from peers and adults alike. Being unknown was freeing in some ways.

But there was a dread in it, too. In losing the structure Respite had spent years delicately building the pieces of their identity around.

A memory from when they were kids came to mind unbidden, of the time Respite had accidentally knocked over one of Mettie's earliest sculptures. It had been unsteady and the base made of air-dry clay toppled easily when Respite bumped the dresser in a fit of energetic excitement, sending it crashing to the ground. The roughly attached bits and bobs came loose and scattered across Mettie's bedroom floor, transitioning from art to disjointed pieces without purpose or clarity in an instant.

For what it was worth, Mettie had taken it in stride even as Respite desperately crawled under his bed with a flashlight to gather everything, apologizing and promising to help him glue it back together. After staying quiet for some time, he'd declared it an act of fate that only added to the piece and gave it new meaning. Respite didn't understand, but they'd been so terrified of being yelled at that they nodded in agreement even as their cheeks were pink from crying. They still attempted to fit some of the pieces back together until Mettie insisted they just put it in an empty shoe box so that he could make something new of it. To this day, Respite had no idea if Mettie had ever fixed it, restructured it, or simply left it as a memorial in his closet.

They wrinkled their nose up at the unwarranted assault of a flashback. Clearly they'd been hanging around Mettie too much already if their thoughts were starting to get this metaphorical. He downed the last of his warm beer, hoping the bile on his tongue would force him to refocus on the party.

[spaceyflowerswriting]

Not a request just a question out of curiosity. How did you feel when you first started out writing fanfics for a particular fandom? Have you always been passionate about writing? What is your method to know a character better so as to make your works seem close to their original personality?

I love your works, they genuinely make my day and would love to write for lookism one day as well and you're my biggest inspiration ❤️ hope you have a wonderful day :)

[Don't have to reply if you don't feel like it]

i got REALLY wordy so things are under a cut!

anyways can i just say this is such a sweet message 😭😭💓💕💓💕💞💖💞💕💓💖💞💘

thank u so much for sending this ask !! it always means the world to me when ppl express care and curiosity about other's creativity journeys :'] 💖

this goes for u, too, anon; if ur comfortable sharing, i'd love to hear ur own answers to ur questions! <33

how did you feel when you first started out writing fanfics for a particular fandom?

i started when i was around 9 and was very excited to share so thats what i did :] but over time i grew insecure and felt my old stuff was stupid lmao so i deleted it all off the web and then writing became a private thing for me for a very, very long time (writing like 40k, 38 chapters worth of stuff just for me 😭). i've wanted to share during my last few fandoms but never got the courage to until i got into lookism/viral hit !

(well, actually, i did share some writing during my "obey me!" phase but it was just text convos lol)

naturally, i was nervous putting my writing out in the world again esp bc the last time i did was when i like 11-12, and i was 16 when i wanted go public with my writing again 😔 im very glad i pushed myself to tho, bc its basically been a year now and i've had a blast!

i never imagined so many people would like my silly writing, enough to send in requests T_T 💕💖

have you always been passionate about writing?

kind of,,? i really only got into it because of fanfiction lol but i did consider becoming an author for like. a week of my life sjdhwhdj so really it's just a hobby i do since im the walking definition of "speaks little but thinks a lot"

gotta put thoughts down somewhere yknow? and at the end of the day, writing to me is just what art is to me; it's for fun and to express myself. sure, i wanna get better at both, but if my stuff turns out "objectively" bad, at least i know i had fun with it :'D

(that's my philosophy with art in general; make "bad" art!! have fun!!! enjoy life!!! i hate comparison/competitive things!!!! lets all just have a nice time being kind to each other!!!!!)

creative writing is very cool tho and i have a bunch of ocs i'd love to write stories for, but the artist in me is saying i want to do them webtoon style ;_;

what is your method to know a character better so as to make your works seem close to their original personality?

going to be honest, im not the best person to ask for this 😭 im the world's most casual writer and i take my "just have fun with ur art" thing very seriously;;

i.e. i just keep note of how a character acts throughout a story, characterize them along the way, and then use that as my base for any writing i do of them 😭

um. i also (re)read fandomwiki pages of them, if any, to double check for stuff 😭😭😭 occasionally i rewatch/reread moments of them in their stories when i want to look for something specific but otherwise it's just me going "hm would this character do this?", comparing it to my base, and reacting accordingly!

other times i straight up go "yeah they probably wouldnt do this BUT it would be cute so im going to do it 😍"

so, if nothing works, just let urself be self indulgent <3 unless u do want to take ur writing more seriously than i do, then uh yeah it would be much better for u to look up advice from people who take their writing more seriously ^_^"

final notes

thank u for liking my stuff, im very happy to hear they make ur day ;__; 💖💕💓💞 plus saying im ur biggest inspiration too is so,, ueueuueu,,,, ;;__;; 💞💘💞💞💘💕💖💘

i really hope u get around to writing for lookism or any other fandoms/original works!!! i wish u the absolute best with you and your writing journey, and feel free to tag/dm me with anything u write!! i'd be happy to support :]

hope you're having a wonderful day, too 💖💖

[transgymbro]

So some things about me real quick so that you have context for my situation: I am a Chinese binary trans man who is queer (mostly attracted to men, with the exception of my current partner who is transfem), living in the US. I grew up in an upper middle class family, who supports me and up until now has been able to support me financially. I do not have trauma (to the best of my knowledge) and I am not disabled.

I was not raised with strongly enforced gender roles. The most they were enforced was "you're a girl, you can't do that" which got less and less over time. I was allowed to cut my hair short (though I did not start doing so until I was 12) and I was allowed to wear boys' clothes or at least, choose whether I wanted to wear dresses/skirts or not. I was encouraged to play sports (which, surprisingly given my blog, I didn't enjoy growing up).

Because of all these circumstances, I have been fortunate enough to experience very little transandrophobia in my life. In general the most I see/experience of it is "all men suck" comments online. However, there are a few times where I did have to deal with it more directly.

Being accused of "perpetuating toxic masculinity" when I was in fact. Not doing that. Both cis and trans women have done this to me. Two instances come to mind: The first is when I had a roommate accuse me of this when I expressed that I did not enjoy emotionally deep conversations and wished I felt things less intensely (before T). This has never come from a place of "men don't show feelings" for me, this has always come from a place of not easily trusting other people and finding getting emotional embarrassing in general. The second instance was literally just for being myself, and who I am is loud, assertive, and intense. Does that make me difficult to get along with for some people? Yeah, sure, I can admit that. But that's not in and of itself toxic masculinity.

Oh by the way did I mention one of those roommates, during a conversation about sex, refused to use masculine language for my body because I wasn't on T? As if that should fucking matter when someone asks you to refer to their body in a specific way?

There's a gynecologist in the same office at my primary care doctor and they had a separate check in table. Because I didn't know what the table was for, I approached it to see and got told it was for "women only". I shrugged it off because at the time, I was just happy I passed and I didn't need the care. But I look back on that and wonder, if I had needed to see the gynecologist, would my identity be respected? Would they take me even though I have M on my license? Who fucking knows, but I don't think I want to go to any gynecologist and have to find out

Just. Every single time I had to fight my insurance on my medical transition stuff. Most notably, the thing that has delayed my top surgery until August. My insurance approved me for a hospital that the surgeon works at, but the hospital is a Catholic hospital through which all procedures had to be approved by an ethics board, else they could not happen. Because yknow. Catholic hospital, trans surgery, they rejected my fucking procedure and we had to resubmit shit all over again. Deadass I could've had top surgery in May if it weren't for these motherfuckers.

Okay so. My parents' friends have a son who's about my age. The last time I saw him we were about 20 and I told him I was trans, because he was coming onto me (again) and I felt it right to let him know that he was no longer dealing with a girl. I insisted that it was gay of him to be attracted to me and he insisted he was still straight. Tbf I brought it up first so that might have been him getting defensive. Confusing situation tbh. Probably counts, but who knows? Not sure if he took me seriously or not but I think at least his parents did. Granted I wasn't on T at the time, I bet he'd be real turned off if he heard my frat boy voice now lol

I've said this a couple times on my blog before but haven't experienced it directly, but the fact that I'm east Asian means that dudes like me are generally really feminized, and I feel that a lot of my masc presentation, while still genuine to who I am, also serves the purpose of making sure that I'm perceived as undeniably masculine, regardless of whether or not people know I'm trans

Also consistent paranoia of people not seeing me as a real guy even when they don't know I'm trans wooooo

Not to mention a very strong skepticism of other people to where, as much of a horny bastard as I am, even if I was currently single I hesitate to attend hookup/kink events and clubs because I think everyone upon knowing what parts I have would pressure me into bottoming which I really don't want to do because of dysphoria, basically I don't want to be seen as a girl or just as "guy with a pussy". Not to mention I have to get a prosthetic first.

Having to tell people to refer to my (currently hypothetical) dick as a prosthetic and not a strap on, and to not refer to me fucking someone as pegging because I AM NOT A WOMAN AND THIS IS NOT A KINK THIS IS JUST HOW I FUCK AND TOP BECAUSE I'M NOT BOTTOMING UNLESS I CAN TRUST THE OTHER PERSON WITH MY LIFE AND KNOW DAMN WELL THEY WON'T SEE ME AS A WOMAN AND AREN'T TREATING IT LIKE A FUCKING PRIZE

Just paranoia thoughts of "would I have to misgender myself for this" and "would people misgender me for this" and "do the guys around me see me as one of them or am I an outcast to them because I'm not a 'real' guy with a dick and balls"

Anyway so I attempted to register with selective service (results pending) not because I give a fuck about the military but because I shouldn't have to disclose I'm trans if I end up getting a government job while having an M on my ID stuff, pay me the cis man wages federal cunts

❗️❗️ This is asked entirely in good faith. This post is intended to open dialogue and help with solidarity and understanding. ❗️❗️

I would like to hear specifically from trans men and trans mascs how the system of [whatever the fuck you call the intersection of transphobia, misogyny, and specifically your gender- whether transandrophobia, isomisogny, antitransmasculinity, transandromisia, transmisandry, or any that I have missed as there are a lot of words to describe similar concepts] uniquely targets and affects you. Things that you feel other demographics do not experience. Reblogs and replies are very encouraged! If you would prefer, you could dm or send an ask to be added anonymously by me.

This is in the spirit of wanting to understand. I am listening. I encourage all non-trans-mascs to not speak on this topic and let trans mascs and trans men do the talking here. Reblog the post to spread it, but please say nothing.

Any and all people who identify as trans men and/or trans mascs are encouraged to participate.

This is not bait to start a fight. I will block without hesitation anyone who is actively being a shithead on this post. I want to hear and uplift your voices by getting it directly from you.

Click this to access the trans fem and trans women version of this post.

[amalgamatey]

I haven’t been part of a “fandom” since about 2014 when I quit writing fanfic cold turkey and started writing exclusively original content. Not to toot my own horn but I was a pretty popular fanfic writer, and I still get comments on my AO3 to this day. I wanted to focus on my own work and get published though, so I had to put fanfic aside.

Well, after an unforeseen rocky road, I think I’m becoming mired in fandom brain again and I don’t know how to feel about that, considering I turned 35 yesterday and fandom has been notoriously aggressive towards “old people”

I decided to write down my thoughts on it, and it’s helped a bit.

In 2015 I got onto SSRIs for severe depression and anxiety and by 2016 I wasn’t writing anything at all. I was consuming media but I wasn’t enjoying it, I wasn’t thinking about it, and I wasn’t thinking too deeply about my own original works despite having finished my first rough draft in 2015 - arguably the hardest part of writing. I thought I was getting old, or work was getting in the way, or any number of other issues. Interests change, yknow? Maybe I wasn’t a writer anymore even tho I’d been writing since I was a little kid.

In 2020 I suffered a work injury that I deal with to this day, and ended up getting into therapy where I was diagnosed with ADHD and medicated appropriately.

In 2022 I was diagnosed with breast cancer and the traumas that came with that kind of ruined my life. Two years of that battle and I’m on the other side climbing out of the looming threat of death. I’ll be dealing with the side effects the rest of my life, but I’m making it work.

In May of this year, I talked with my psych and we dropped my SSRIs entirely because I wanted to see if my ADHD being properly medicated would mean I didn’t need the other medication anymore.

When I tell you my world opened up, I was seeing colors I hadn’t seen in years, I had feelings again, I was crying again. I had spent at least eight years without crying more than once or twice a year. All of my feelings were far away, distant things that had very little effect on me. Getting off of the SSRIs absolutely blew my world wide open again. I started thinking in stories, feeling and thinking about content again.

I started to think about the shows and movies I was watching. Really thinking about them, the characters, the imagery and the structure and the symbolism behind everything.

The first series I got really into was Shadow and Bone (Netflix), watching it a few times and building little scenarios in my head. I started to hear songs that made me think of characters. I started to wonder what would happen in different situations. I bought the books and stayed up all night to finish them, something I also hadn’t done since 2015.

Now, I’m absolutely brainrotted by Our Flag Means Death to the point that my phone just auto fills in the title when I’ve capitalized “our.” I’m obsessed because OFMD is like the fanfiction I read and wrote years ago. It’s a story with dark and emotional content while still being goofy and silly. For goodness sake my favorite episode is “the torture episode” which is so dark but somehow maintains an air of light comedy. It’s all the best and most amazing parts of fanfiction that I remember.

So while I may feel weird being 35 in fandom spaces, I’m desperate for more OFMD content and theories and stories and it feels like I’m finally becoming myself again after so many years. Age wasn’t stopping me from engaging with content in the ways I always had, it was medicating my crippling depression and anxiety to become a shell of a human.

I’m still fine tuning my medication with my dr but I’m feeling so much better about life, the universe, and everything. I might even dust off my AO3, finish the few works I still get begged to finish, start writing for the Greg-verse and OFMD. Just enjoy the creative process again.

Who knows. It might be fun.

[externalacousticmeatus]

irls don’t read /srs

tw vent, kinda body image issues, self hatred

i think bc pretty much ever close friendship i’ve had has ended in flames i just expect that to happen now. like every time i feel a friendship starting to break i speed up the process bc it hurts less if it’s on my terms. idk if it’s a self sabotage thing or a pattern recognition thing or what but idk it’s just something i’ve noticed. i’m so scared that this is going to happen with everyone i love and eventually i’ll have no one left but myself and i hate myself so so much that i don’t think i could handle that.

since i was rlly little i’ve always had that nagging feeling in the back of my head that all my friends secretly hate me and that i’m annoying and it’s happened a lot of times where i’ve found out that that’s actually true and although it sucks, it’s never really affected me that much. but a few days ago i found out that one of my friends feels that way about me and idk it feels like nothing can ever be the same ever again, yknow? like i always thought if everyone else were to leave me i’d always have that friend but now i’m doubting if that’s true and idk i’ve always hated myself but it’s gotten a thousand times worse lately and i don’t know if i can handle it, i’ve lost almost all motivation and i’ve been avoiding everyone that cares about me and every time i try to think about it i just feel sick to my stomach.

i felt myself starting to spiral earlier so i was repeating facts about myself and then it kind of made me remember that there isn’t anything about myself that i actually like. i really hate my body and the way i look, but i mostly hate my personality. when people used to ask me for one thing i like about myself i would say how excited i get about things and how much i care about people but i’m learning that those are the two things i hate the most. i hate how annoying i am and how i always say the wrong thing and how i wish i could just stop caring but i can’t. it’s always been the kind of thing where like “oh yeah i hate myself but the people who really know me love me so obviously i can’t be 100% bad” but now the people that really know me do hate me so i don’t really know where to go from here.

i kinda wonder if people would be happier if i just stopped trying. i’ve been putting zero effort into my friendships the past few days and no one seems to have noticed. i thought showing people what it’s like when i don’t try would make me feel better but mostly i just miss my friend. i don’t really understand why this kind of thing keeps happening, at least 7 friendships have ended almost exactly like this and im really scared that im the common factor here.

[z0mbiefrank]

you should be able to communicate with ur gf! if you feel comfortable enough to explain please do and if you’re even meant to be together she should understand. maybe y’all can compromise on her at least helping you thru it / doing only one

yes ive explained it to her a few times, but shes a very excitable person (helloooo adhd) and always has an optimistic outlook on things, so can get a bit carried away <33 i call her puppy for a reason (well several reasons but yknow ALKSDJ)

she did help a lot because she assured me its okay for me to be sad in december. she knows i get very worried about not being happy enough and bringing everyone down, so that did ease my anxiety. but the other day someone asked us if we were having a seperate private christmas together and she was immediately like "oh wow that would be amazing we should do that with a special dinner and presents and music and and and-" and then everyone else leapt in like "oh i can give you some christmas crackers and pies!" and i was just stood there feeling ill because i didnt wanna break her heart infront of a whole group of people and then have to explain i have ptsd.

im gonna talk to her about it again after that because i havent had a chance yet (ive been mute a few days after the big group social). it's just difficult because whenever i try to discuss christmas plans my mind just evacuates the building, my brain refuses to remember anything, and i go nonverbal 😭

i also go back and forth like well maybe i CAN do all of that. maybe i will do it. for her. i want her to have a wonderful christmas maybe i can keep it together this year. but i am famously shit at respecting my boundaries and pushing my disabled ass too far to make people happy because "normal people can do it"

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get to know the blogger questions!

Which MCU film is your favorite? Which is your favorite of the ones that don’t have Steve in them? Which is your least favorite?

Hi! Thanks for jumping in 🫂

Which MCU film is your favorite?

This is actually insanely difficult for me to answer 😭 My mind immediately goes to CATWS but I've rewatched CATFA, IM1 and AV1 way more than that movie. I want to say CAFTA for the sole fact that I may be able to quote the entire damn thing from memory, but I think I'll settle on CATWS because there's just so much going on in that movie.

Like, it blew my fucking mind watching it for the first time, not to mention we get so many important character interactions that make my heart so fucking warm and full. It's insane! Also it's great seeing Steve's world collapse right in front of him all over again. And seeing him stiffen his lip and push forward just made me so....so in love. Not to mention, I know that a lot of people knew about the Winter Soldier before that movie came out (maybe it was in the trailer or maybe I'm just dense idk), but I had NO fucking clue so I was jaw dropped, eyes wide in pure shock when I saw Bucky? Like omg? Natasha and Steve were such a welcome duo and then the introduction of Sam was even more delicious.

And the Steve characterization 💓 The way they showed his morality, his leadership, his loyalty, his resilience - in love!!!!

What really made me starstruck though - and it may be a little insignificant to everyone else - is how when Fury had no one else to trust, he trusted Steve! The spy of spies! Not only trusting him not to be Hydra, but trusting him to make the right decisions about how to navigate SHIELD's infiltration. That was huge to me. I like Fury and I adore Steve so this moment was mwah!

Which is your favorite of the ones that don't have Steve in them?

This is much easier! Captain Marvel! No question, no if, ands, or buts. I don't think I advertise just how fond I am of Captain Marvel/Carol because this is a Steve account, but I fucking adore her and her character arc. It hit me in all the right ways, everything about her story was so perfect, everything about her is so delightful. She's my girl. The movie itself is so engaging to me and still makes me tear up every time! The soundtrack is awesome, seeing young Fury and Coulson was great, seeing how Carol is in the face of betrayal and realizing that she was the oppressor was so, so, so dear to me. I have been practically clawing at the walls for a Captain Marvel 2, but even though I doubt it will ever happen, the original movie is still locked safe within my heart.

Which is your least favorite?

Now, I have a few least favorites for various reasons, but it all comes down to characterization. I can get through a semi-sloppy plot just fine. I'm very good at taking the pieces of a movie I need and making them fit to make sense. But some things just make me want to tear my hair out.

Now the first thing that came to mind when I saw this question was Infinity War which had a lot of silly moments in my opinion. But overall, it's not at all my least favorite. It's actually a "newer" movie that came to be my least favorite.

Doctor Strange: Multiverse of Madness. Let me tell you how damn excited I was about this damn movie. I was bouncing off the walls. I rewatched WandaVision and Doctor Strange twice in preparation. I was literally counting down the days to watch it. And then I did. And, yknow what, I'm able to find enjoyment in most movies I see so I enjoyed watching it, but boy was it still a disappointment.

Not many things in that movie make sense. Mind you I love Wanda DOWN. If you asked me which was my favorite non-Steve MCU Project instead of film, I would have said WandaVision. But the way they set up this movie is so goddamn sloppy it makes me wonder who the Hell approved it. I liked the visuals, sure yeah, but that can only take a film so far. Starting off with my most nitpicky thing that I noticed right away is who the Hell decided to call the MCU Earth 616?! They could have said literally any other number but they're sticking to conflating the MCU with the comics? Why? Why would they do that?

Obviously the thing that disappointed me the most was...well, a lot of things. Concerning Wanda's use if her powers for one which was ridiculous. I've said this before but I'll say it again since I've outed myself as a powerscaler, the MCU is dogshit is utilizing the characters abilities. I- Yknow what, I can't even rant about this movie. Lmao, NEXT, but now you know!