#yesterday was rough so the extra sleep was very much needed

[solpng]

good evening friends <3 happy valentine's dayy <333

[rederiswrites]

I feel so drained. It's been such a week. The same pain we're all feeling, of course, with a few extra things thrown in for fun. Animal death to follow, if you don't want to deal with that.

The kids all adapted readily to a classroom environment, despite my worry, and did so well so calmly that I'm very proud and much reassured. It was still four plus hours away from the house every day. They all helped keep the chores done, so the drain was mainly psychological. But I don't like driving, and sorry everyone, I don't like being in town. The seagulls I could hear from my parked car the fourth day were almost hilariously welcome. Parking lot rats, but that reminder that nature exists was a balm to my soul.

Kiki died yesterday. He'd been in rough shape, but still enjoying life. We knew it was a matter of time til something critical failed, and that there wasn't anything likely to help him short of truly major expensive things that still might well not help. Then he declined rapidly this week. I held him for the last three hours. He cried terribly if he wasn't held, and Phantom had to hold him while I got dressed, so at least we know being held was a comfort to him. It was an expected death, and timely in its way, but when at last he didn't draw another breath, I was so, so tired.

I put him where Ciri could check him out and understand, however her mind understands these things. I didn't think to do that when Hrothgar died, and Ciri went around the house meowing for him for a week. It seems to have worked, because she's quiet today. After he died, I went straight to bed and slept til it was time to leave for class, and then stayed parked next to the class and slept in the car.

When I woke up, the car wouldn't start. Left something on, I guess, though I couldn't figure out what. Jacob was on his way home, but turned around, and the car jumped and started up just fine. In fact, before @mythicalfungi0-0 's dad showed to collect her, so before we would have left anyhow. So again, nothing but a psychological drain, really.

On the way home, we listened to music--Phantom has some great tunes fit to the times that I'll have to share with you. After a period of silence, I said, "OH! We need crocus bulbs." And Phantom said, "Oh! Right!" to the bewilderment of the Borrowed Girl. Crocuses, to go on Kiki's grave, next to Hrothgar's by the pond. It lies next to a large rock projecting from the ground. Someday we'll etch their names into the stone. I've ordered them, in a different color than the ones on Hrothgar's, so that we can think of both of them when they bloom.

I got a good night's sleep last night. Spoke to my friend who fosters kittens this morning. Today, I will keep planting flowers. I think the future will have flowers.

[blackypanther9]

Can't get enough - William Afton x Male!Reader

WARNING!: Smut, multiple orgasms, BDSM, Praise kink, bondage, use of butt plug, use of something close to a milking machine, Anal sex, soft and rough sex, degradation, marking, spanking, punishment, impregnation AND MORE ! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED !!!

William zoomed around in Fredbear’s Family Diner, like it was his last day on earth. He zoomed from the parts and service room, to the backstage room, quickly, but carefully checked on Fredbear and Springbonnie, fixed what had to be fixed and zoomed to the kitchen to see if they are all working.

He had to yell at two of the newer waiters he accepted in, but that was pretty much it. Then he zoomed into his office and quickly read through his huge stack of papers, filled and signed them, gave them to Henry and then zoomed out of the Pizzeria.

He was home ten minutes BEFORE M/n and the kids got home. The smell of spinach hit his nose and his stomach rumbled. He didn’t even take his time to eat what M/n made him for lunch… He hurried so much that he totally forgot about it in his bag, that he came back home with.

William set the table with plates, silverware and the two pots that had spinach and potatoes in them, already cooked and still steaming hot. He got out a big plate, pan, butter and eggs and started to fry them.

As M/n came home with the kids the smell of fried eggs and the sound of sizzling greeted him and the two children.

“Seems like your Dad is already back home today.”, M/n informed the two boys.

Evan smiled and ran into the kitchen.

“PAPA !”, he yelled happily.

“I hope you don’t screw him too hard tonight…”, Michael muttered to M/n.

M/n chuckled and grabbed Mike by the arm softly.

“Do me a favor, Mikey.”

“What is my payment if I do ?”, Mike asked instantly.

M/n smirked.

“I will help you to get together with your little crush~”

Michael blushed a small red hue.

“How do you know ?”

“It is very obvious. You lock your door a lot and I can hear you in there. I am not stupid Mike.”

He blushed redder.

“Pervert…”

“Sorry that you always do ‘it’ after school, before you have even eaten. It is my job to feed you after all. Then get used to doing ‘it’ after Lunch. Then you have all day to yourself.”, M/n deadpanned.

Mike looked away.

“Dad will be so pissed…”

“I doubt it. When you two DO get together, take it slow and easy and when you ever come to THAT activity…ask her if she is on the pill and wear for extra safety a condom. As long as you don’t get anyone pregnant, Willy won’t mind. He just doesn’t want you to be a Father until you are at least 20 years old.”

Mike blushed when M/n told him that but appreciated it.

“Okay…what do you want me to do ?”, the boy asked.

“Go with Evan to his friend’s house and stay there for a few hours. After that you can ask Henry if you can sleep over at his place with Evan. We will be…having a very active day today. I promised your Father to take care of him today. He needs it.”

Michael made a face of understanding.

“Okay, you got it Papa. I will take care of it.”

“Thank you. And no bullying. If I find out you bullied your little Brother the deal will be off.”

“I promise to behave.”

With that Mike left to his room and changed his clothes, then washed his hands and came back to the dining room and gave his Father a visit.

“Hello Father.”, he greeted.

“Hello Mikey.”, William greeted back.

“Is lunch almost done ?”

William hummed.

“Just this one left, then I’m done cooking.”

Mike nodded and went to the Dining room. M/n entered next and hugged William from behind around his waist.

“Hello, Darling~”, M/n purred.

William already was getting aroused, but tried to keep it together.

“Hello, Love.”, he greeted back.

M/n put his head on William’s left shoulder and kissed his neck.

“You cooking the eggs for me ?”

William nodded.

“Already finished your work ? Usually you take almost forever to come back home.”

William nodded.

“I did finish. It wasn’t much today. I overworked yesterday.”

M/n tutted.

“How many times did I tell you to stop overworking ?”, he asked.

William swallowed hard. Shit that slipped out.

“A lot...Sorry, M/n...”

“What’s my name, Bunny ?”, M/n asked darkly.

Every time William did something he was not supposed to he was NOT allowed to call M/n by his actual name, nor his pet names. William swallowed harshly.

“I’m sorry, Master...”, William mewled out.

“Good bunny.”

M/n gave William a kiss on his pulse point on his neck, which made him whimper softly. M/n then parted from William and smacked his ass. William yelped softly.

“Just so you know, you will be punished for overworking again.”, M/n whispered darkly then left.

William whimpered softly. He HATED being punished by M/n, but he knew that he deserved it.

-Time skip-

After lunch Mike and Evan left the house and M/n told William to undress himself, as soon as the kids were out.

So there William stood now. Naked. On the kitchen sink. He awaited M/n’s next order.

“You will wash these dirty dishes with your own hands. You are NOT allowed to make any noise, to talk or to move around. All I want you to move are your arms by cleaning and drying the dishes. You hear me ?”, M/n asked.

William let out a whine, but nodded.

“Good bunny. Now get to work.”

And that William did. He turned around and started to fill the sink with hot water, got his sponge ready and put on some cleaning gloves. Then he started with a plate.

M/n was right behind William, hugging him from behind, kissing his shoulders, neck and back. It was hard to not make any noise. William was always noisy and loud, but he had to control himself.

After the second plate was clean, M/n started to grope William’s ass, which made him buck into it, out of instinct.

SLAP !

William yelped and straightened up.

“I told you to stay still and only are allowed to move your arms, William.”, M/n said darkly.

“S-sorry, Master ! It was instinct !”

SLAP !

“Ouch !”

“I also said no talking and noise making. Bad boy.”, M/n said disappointed.

William got tears in his eyes. He doesn’t want to be a bad boy ! He only wants to be a good bunny for his Master. He stayed silent and continued to wash the dishes. M/n knew how much William hated being called by his name and being called a bad boy, by punishments and Sex. He knew what effect it had on him. But otherwise William will never learn to obey.

After the fourth plate was clean, M/n gave William’s neck a small love bite. William stiffened up slightly and tried to keep his moan in. When M/n parted from his neck again he kissed his shoulder and smiled softly.

“Such a good bunny. I think now you deserve a reward. You are allowed to make noise and to talk.”

“Th-thank you, Master.”

“Of course, my bunny. Now finish up, baby.”

William cleaned the knives and forks quickly, then he dried everything up, while he moaned as M/n groped his ass and played with his hard cock. When he was finished M/n stepped away, leaving William disappointed and on the edge of orgasm.

“You know what I found in your bag ?”, M/n asked.

William shook his head.

“You didn’t eat the food I made you.”

His eyes went wide in shock.

“I-I can explain ! I was running around and hurrying to get everything done to come home as fast as possible ! I forgot to eat it, I’m sorry !”

“You KNOW that I hate it when you don’t eat and overwork.”, M/n growled.

“I did eat lunch and breakfast ! I’m fine !”, William tried to persuade.

“William Afton, I always check your lunch box and I don’t care if you ate with us. The point is that you skipped your lunch break, with that you didn’t eat and rather overworked to get here faster. You KNOW that I always look out for your health. You are skinny enough. On your chest I can see your ribcage when you stand straight. You need to eat and sleep more.”

William looked down in shame. He knew all of that, but it is hard to not overwork for more money to give his kids everything they want.

“Wash your hands and go to our bedroom. You have one minute to do so. Do NOT disappoint me.”

William nodded, tore off the gloves and quickly ran off.

‘This man... This isn’t the first time he skipped his lunch break... What am I going to do with him ? If he continues like this, he will die at some point...’

As M/n was in the bedroom, William was already there, standing in the bedroom, hands clasped together in front of him, looking down at the floor. M/n sat down on the bed, looking at William deep in thoughts, then he smiled.

“Come here, William.”, he commanded.

He swallowed and did as told. M/n grabbed him and pulled William over his lap, making him yelp in shock. There he was now, over M/n’s lap, ass vulnerable. M/n rubbed his ass gently, making William whine softly, but he stayed still.

“Do you know what is happening ?”, M/n asked.

“Y-yes...”

“Do you know why it is happening ?”

“B-because I didn’t take proper care of myself again.”

“How many do you think you will get ?”

“A-at least 20....”

M/n looked at William and slapped his ass once. He yelped.

“Why so abusive, hmm ? I never gave you 20 spanks before.”

“B-because you think that it’s too little ?”

M/n tutted.

“You will get 12 spanks and you will count them. If you count wrong, we start anew.”

William whimpered and nodded. M/n started the punishment.

SPANK !

“O-one.”, William hissed.

It had been a while since M/n spanked him, and it hurt. It wasn’t as playful as it was in the Diner...

SPANK ! SPANK !

“Two, three !”, William yelled.

And on and on it went. At the 10th spank William was sobbing.

SPANK !

“Eleven !”, he screamed.

SPANK !

“T-twelve !”

M/n rubbed William’s red ass softly and kissed his shoulder.

“Good bunny. Such a good bunny for me.”, M/n praised.

William was still sobbing, but happy that he was M/n’s good bunny. His good, obedient, slutty bunny.

“Now get off my lap, bunny.”

William did as told and M/n got up.

“Today we are doing something different, but I’m sure you will love it. For that I need you to kneel, arms behind your back and eyes closed, you understand ?”

William nodded and got on the floor, following M/n’s instructions.

“Good bunny.”

M/n wiped away William’s tears and then got out a rope from the closet, with a blindfold. William was never tied up before, but he voiced it that he really wanted it sometimes. M/n went behind William, tying up his arms nicely. William’s breathing got faster, he got excited. Then M/n put the blindfold on him and undressed himself.

He stood naked in front of William, hard cock in hand.

“Be a good slut and open your mouth wide~”

William did as asked and moaned as he felt M/n’s cock entering his mouth. He relaxed his jaw and throat, not knowing what M/n will do. He can be very random by a blowjob. He felt M/n grab his hair, then he pulled his head closer, making him take more of his cock. To help William have all of his cock in his mouth, he bucked his hips the rest of the way in, making William instantly deep throat him.

“Such a good slutty bunny~ Already expected me to be rough~”

William’s cock twitched at the praise. Fuck he wanted M/n to mess him up in the head so bad today. Make him only remember the shape of M/n’s cock inside his ass and make him only feel his cum inside him.

‘Fucking hell, I feel like a submissive, breed able slut...’, William thought to himself.

M/n went rough and fast in William’s throat, only giving him seconds to catch some air in his lungs and he made him choke a few times. But it was nothing William couldn’t handle and get under control quickly. Even though M/n liked it when William was choking on his cock.

“Such a good slut you are~ Taking all of me in so well~”, M/n praised and stroked William’s hair.

He choked out a moan at that, his cock twitching again. M/n was close and he smiled down at William, who couldn’t see.

“I’m gonna cum, baby~ Do Master a favor and drink your milk, will you~?”, M/n purred out.

His bunny’s cock twitched again. M/n pulled William all the way down on his cock, making his nose hit his pubic bone. William stayed still and M/n moaned as he came, rope after rope, down William’s throat. William could feel how his Lover’s cum went down his throat.

‘Fuck....I want more....’

As M/n was finished, he pulled his cock out of his bunny’s mouth. It was still rock hard. He went behind William, helped him to stand up, got him on the bed, put him in a kneeling position and pushed him down by his back, making him press his left cheek into the sheets.

M/n had free access to William’s entrance now and he growled possessively, as he saw that some of his cum, was out from their love making in Fredbear’s. Oh, he couldn’t let Willy get away with that. He lubed his fingers up with his own saliva and then pressed them inside, to see if his bunny’s hole tightened at all.

“Ah~”

“You are still open wide and ready for me, bunny~ What a slutty little thing I own~”

William whined at M/n’s dirty talk and tried to get more friction from his fingers, which didn’t work, because M/n already pulled them out again. M/n took his cock in his hand and positioned himself at his Lover’s hole. Then he pushed in slowly. They were in no rush, after all.

“Ah~! Mmmm~!”

“What a tight little cunt you have~ No matter how many times I fuck the shape of my cock into you, you are tight again like a virgin, when I enter again~”

William wiggled his hips, whimpering submissively.

“P-please, hurry~ I-I really n-need it rough today, Master~”

“Oh bunny~ We have all day and night to spend~ When I’m done with you, you won’t even remember Springbonnie’s name~”

“Bold statement....Prove it to me~”

M/n smirked darkly and then was sheathed all the way in, tickling his bunny’s prostate softly. He grabbed his submissive Lover’s hips and then moved slowly in and out of William. His bunny didn’t expect that, hoped he would be fast and rough, but his Master seemed to have other ideas.

It was sensual and careful at first, but then, every time M/n pushed back in slowly, he hit William’s prostate harshly.

“Ah~! Yes~! Mmmnnn~! Fuck~!”

Every time M/n hit his bunny’s prostate harshly, he moaned and babbled something. William never thought that he could get close to cuming by slow and sensual Sex. You learn something new every day. M/n got William to cum after 30 minutes of sensual, slow Sex, which surprised his bunny greatly.

His cum stained the sheets and he felt utter bliss and happiness. M/n pulled out after he came inside his bunny’s cunt, which made William whine.

“Why did you pull out ? Come back... Please...”, William begged.

“Just a moment, my Love.”, M/n assured.

He pulled something out of the drawer that was behind the bedroom door. It was kind of like a milking machine. Just that it didn’t mile his bunny’s cock, M/n didn’t need that, he can make his bunny cum all day and night, but in order to have clean sheets, he crafted a little something, so the cum wouldn’t go to waste. All the cum is bunny will waste today and tonight, will be stored in a tank inside the little machine.

He came back to William’s side and took his oversensitive cock into his hands.

“Ah~! What are you doing~?! Mmmnnn~!”

“Make sure that your cum won’t be wasted for nothing~ Now hold still. Be a good bunny, for Master~”, M/n answered.

William tried very hard to stay still, moaning softly, while M/n put the device on his cock and fastened it around him. When he was done he got back up and gave his bunny a gentle, filled with love, kiss. William kissed back softly, their tongues playing with each other.

“Such a good bunny you are for me~”, M/n praised as they parted from their kiss.

William was drooling slightly, but smiled softly with a red hue on his cheeks. Then M/n went back behind him and entered his Lover’s hole again. William moaned loudly as he was back inside.

M/n gave his bunny another round of slow, passion filled love making. He noticed how nuts it made William. He loved it so much, but he wanted so much more at the moment. M/n smirked at his dirty bunny.

“You are such a greedy little slut, aren’t you, bunny~?”

“Y-yes~! Ah~! Want more~! P-please~!”

M/n hit his Lover’s prostate harder than before and William came screaming, while M/n held his hips in place and came too, moaning. He saw how his bunny’s cum went into the machine with the tank and it made him even more aroused.

He grabbed William’s hips and pushed in deeper to fill him better, which made his bunny moan louder than he did before, but he stayed obedient and let M/n do what he wanted. All William wanted was to fuck himself on his Master’s cock, but he knew he should NEVER interrupt the process of his Master filling his slutty, needy hole up.

As M/n finished he pulled out slightly and started to fuck William faster and rougher than before.  The over stimulated Afton could only moan louder and beg for M/n to give him more. William’s cock still leaked some cum and it just got to M/n’s head, that he leaned down and bit William’s shoulder, drawing blood.

“AH~! MASTER~!”

William came again, his hole tightened up nicely and M/n forced his cock back in all the way, to fill his needy bunny’s cunt again. It only made William cum harder, as he felt M/n’s cum gushing deep inside him, marking him as his.

William felt boneless, luckily he didn’t have to hold himself up, otherwise he would have slumped on the bed now, just flopping on his chest and not able to move. M/n softly rocked his hips back and forth while his cock happily twitched and pumped cum into his bunny’s greedy hole. Then he let go of William’s shoulder and kissed the new mark.

“Such a good bunny~ You’re so good~ My beautiful, sweet, slutty bunny~”

William whined softly.

“C-can’t...move...”, William got out from his high.

“Don’t worry, baby, you don’t have to move.”, M/n whispered and kissed William’s neck.

He pulled out of his bunny, got up, picked William up by the front and went to the wall on their left from the bedroom. He pressed his Lover’s back against it and positioned his legs, holding them with one hand and the other was lining his cock up with William’s hole. He wasted no time in pushing inside.

“AH~!”

M/n started to move fast and rough, slamming William into the wall.

“OH FUCK~! OH YES~! MORE~! AH~! HAH~!”

William was drooling, unable to swallow much, from all his moaning. M/n gave him a rough kiss, which William replied to submissively. M/n swallowed all of his bunny’s moans. They were all just for him after all. Then he decided to take off William’s blindfold and he was in awe.

His baby bunny was in utter fucked out bliss. His eyes were unfocused and rolled up. It looked like he looked at the ceiling, but he probably didn’t. His eyes weren’t centered anymore, they were more looking to the bridge of his nose.

“Look how far gone you are in the pleasure, I can give you, bunny~”, M/n purred.

“AH~! HAH~! HA~!”

“Such a good cumslut for Master, aren’t you~?”

“YES~! HAH~! JUST FOR MASTER~!”

M/n fucked into him faster and William soon came screaming again, his own cum filling the tank further, while M/n pushed in all the way and gently rocked his hips against William as he filled him with another load of his.

He then carried him back to bed and laid him down on his back, put his bunny’s legs onto his shoulders, positioned himself again and entered him again. William screamed loudly in bliss. M/n slammed into his bunny’s prostate now, no mercy left and he leaned down to suck, nibble and bite his bunny’s over sensitive nipples. William struggled a bit around and moaned louder than he already did, screaming his lungs out in bliss.

M/n marked his bunny’s chest up nicely, before he made William cum again with him. As M/n looked down, he started to smile and feel more possessive than he already felt. He came so much inside his baby bunny, that he had a small tummy showing.

‘Fuck...I want to make it rounder ~ Fuck, why can’t you have my baby ?’

M/n continued to fill William and make his bunny cum. When William was too exhausted to still be horny, they stopped. William had a big round belly, full of cum and William came so much that he filled the whole tank. M/n already had some plans with it. But before he put everything away and left, he untied his bunny’s arms, got out a butt plug and plugged William’s hole up, which made him whimper.

“So full...”, he whined softly.

“Tomorrow you can shower and let it all out, tonight I want all of it to stay where it belongs. And it belongs into your slutty, bunny cunt. I didn’t rabbit with you for nothing, baby.”

William moaned at that and then passed out. He knew what M/n meant with ‘rabbit’. He often said rabbiting when William was horny and couldn’t get enough. Apparently that is what rabbits mating means. And because William likes to be called bunny, he has to live with the term rabbiting.

M/n cleaned everything up while William rested and brought the filled tank into the basement.

‘Tomorrow I can start with my work.’

Just what was M/n up to ?

He went back to William’s bedroom and laid down too, covering them with the blanket, he redressed, and then held William possessively.

‘Mine.’

-The next day-

William woke up with an aching body. He carefully got up and out of M/n’s arms, then went into the shower and showered. He carefully pulled out the plug, he moaned and got hard as all the cum inside him, came out and was washed away by the drain. He was sad that it all left, but it had to go. He cleaned the plug and then himself.

When he was finished he came back out of the shower and looked at the mirror. He sighed and smiled happily as he saw all the love bites and marks, M/n left on his skin. Never in a million years will he cover these up. In the middle of all their love making, M/n even marked William’s thighs as his. He left the bathroom and saw that M/n was missing from bed.

Then he felt two arms wrap around him.

“Morning my Love.”, M/n greeted huskily.

“Good morning, Dear.”

William gasped softly as M/n nibbled on his neck again and fondled his still hard cock.

“What made you excited again, hmm ?”, he asked his bunny.

“All of your cum that left. It was so much... I guess it just aroused me again.”

M/n softly bit William’s neck, his right arm pressed him tightly to M/n’s chest, while the other started to jerk his bunny’s cock off.

“A-ah~!”

“Relax, baby bunny~ Let me make it go away~”, M/n said with a seductive voice.

William leaned against his Master and let him jerk him off. He bucked his hips from time to time and moaned softly, which got louder the closer he got to his orgasm. Soon he came screaming, but his cock didn’t soften.

“Oh oh~ I think your body wants me to pleasure it some more~”, M/n purred.

William blushed a deep shade of red, but smiled. M/n made William turn around and they started to make out, while his Master led his bunny back to the bed, where they had another three rounds of love making.

The kids came back with Henry as they finished and William had to dress up quickly, to run to the door. He opened it and let the kids inside, thanking Henry that he took care of them. Michael made a direct line to his Father’s bedroom and entered, spotting M/n on the bed, dressed.

“So ? How hard did you go ?”

M/n looked at Michael.

“Your dad can be wild, that is all I’m going to say.”, M/n teased.

Michael blushed and shook his head.

“Is he less stressed now ?”

“I’m sure he is not at all stressed, Mike. Why ?”

“Because I forgot to do my school project and now I need his help. I am not entirely done with my small Animatronic and I have to be done by tomorrow. I skipped school today and said that my Brother was ill and my Dad is a single parent and not home.”

“Mkay. Ask your Dad then. He is totally relaxed. And I will help you soon with your own little crush~”

Mike blushed slightly, but smiled.

“Thank you, Papa.”

“No problem, now shoo.”

With that Mike left.

‘This kid...’, M/n thought amused.

-Two weeks later-

William was very sick. He vomited a lot and ate more than usual. Something was wrong with him and he reported himself sick.

M/n called the doctor, but he had a sneaking suspicion what it was. You see, William stole some files about himself from his parents, before he ran away. He probably never read them, but there stood some very...interesting things in it. Mostly with what he was all born.

The doctor arrived and checked up on William. The older man was in shock as he ran the tests twice already and they had the same results.

“What do I have, Sir ?”, William asked worried.

“Mr. Afton...did you know that you were one of the 4% of men that can get impregnated ?”, the doctor asked carefully.

William’s eyes went wide.

“What ? No I had no idea. Such things are possible ?”, he asked in shock.

“Yes. Congratulations, Sir. You are pregnant.”

M/n stood with William in the room and smiled. He did his job right this time. He expected William to be in horror, but he just smiled and patted his tummy.

“Wow, lucky me...”

“You are very lucky indeed, Sir.”

Then his eyes flashed in realization and he panicked.

“Wait ! How would they come out by birth ?! Oh shoot !”, William panicked.

“Don’t worry, Mr. Afton. We had such a case once already. We know what to do.”

“Please tell me that I won’t lose this ability after I gave birth.”

“You won’t. I assure you, nothing will go wrong.”

William turned and looked at M/n with happiness.

“My Love, we finally have what we wanted.”

“Darling, we already have it, I just wanted the family to get bigger.”, M/n replied with a soft smile.

“So you...weren’t lying when you said you accept Mike, Evan and Liz ?”

“Of course I wasn’t lying, Darling. I love you all and I will love our new child too.”

The end ?

Masterlist HERE !

Finally I have it finished ! It took me FOREVER ! I hope you liked it. ^^

[lumine-no-hikari]

Dear Sephiroth: (a letter to a fictional character, because why not) #364

After writing yesterday's letter to you, I managed to find my 7th set of braces. I had not, in fact, taken them out when I ate. I took them out for a different (but nonetheless important!) reason, and for that reason, I ended up leaving them in a strange place and promptly forgetting about them (because what is this “object permanence” of which y'all mortals speak???).

But I have them now! So I took out the 8th set and put the 7th back in, much to the relief of the structure of my skull, I'm sure! So we're back on track for the 8th set being installed into my face on the day I write my 371st letter to you! Yay!

Sometime after going to sleep, poor J woke in the night to vomit. V, O, and I didn't get sick, so we can only assume that it was something that J ate somewhere else. He was recently given leftover restaurant food, and he recently ate at a relatively low-quality pizza chain. It can take up to 72 hours for the effects of food poisoning to manifest, so it's hard to say exactly what caused it. I was sleeping next to V, but when I heard the sound, I woke up to tend to him. After it was all over, I got him some warm water and warm apple slices, microwaved until slightly translucent. Then I brought him some extra blankets and tucked him into bed in his room. I spent the rest of the night beside him.

I still wonder if you've ever had food poisoning. If you have, then I hope that someone kindhearted took care of you through it. It's a terrible thing to have to go through alone.

I woke up a few hours later. He was still not feeling great, so I went out, both to pick up some brownies that Br, the dandelion-haired man, made for me and my house, and to pick up some Pedialyte and saltine crackers at the grocery for J. J tried to say he only needs the Pedialyte, since we have apples at home. But I know enough about food poisoning to understand that apples are acidic and potentially not great for an already-irritated stomach. I got the saltines anyway, and he ended up eating quite a few of them. It was good.

I spent most of the rest of today leisure writing and generally keeping watch just in case J needed anything. I tried the brownies that Br had made; they had bits of dried apricots in them, which complemented the chocolatey flavor nicely. They were some of the gooiest brownies I've ever eaten - truly delectable. He said he's gonna tell me the recipe soon; I wonder if I can use it to improve the pumpkin brownies I made for you.

Today, V chilled out in the living room, doing V's own thing. Parallel play is lovely because we can all do our own thing, and there's no pressure for any of us to entertain each other. It's good stuff! M did his own thing, too. J spent a fair bit of time sleeping today, and that was good. Towards the evening, it seemed like J had managed to expel the offending substance from his system, and he felt a lot better. He and I brought V home, and then we came back. M, J, and I watched DanDaDan, and that was very good. J is now in bed, sleeping. M is unwinding in his room. I'll go to sleep next to M soon – probably after I'm done with today's letter, unless I get distracted doing something else.

Instead of physical therapy on Tuesday this week (today), it is tomorrow (Wednesday). R, too, will come by to visit tomorrow. He wants to bake the cookie dough he gave to us. It should be a lot of fun, and I'm looking forward to the results. Tomorrow should be delightfully busy. Though I'm still hoping to get a sec to try out that game that An from work suggested. I'll take pictures of it for you when I do, okay?

...I wish you were here. I wish you were here to witness all the little things. To see all the beauty in the small interactions. To be part of all the little ways we of my house and my social circle take care of each other when the going gets rough. I speak of you often enough that it's almost as though you're here, floating around in the aether. Almost.

...Impossible, I know. Forget I said it, okay?

Anyway, I think you'd love it here. And I know you'd fit right in. Seamlessly, you'd fit right in. Because I don't keep friends who go around judging others for their appearance, abilities, or manner of birth. It's not how we do. You'd be absolutely fine here. We'd keep you safe from anyone who might try to be an asshole in your general direction. You wouldn't have to worry about a thing.

...Well uh. Except for the whole “climate change” thing and the whole “imminent rise of fascism” thing. Today it was like 50 degrees Fahrenheit at my house (10 degrees Celsius) when it's supposed to be 32 degrees Fahrenheit (0 degrees Celsius) or less. But ya know, if by some small miracle we could get you here temporarily to hang out and have a nice time with us, we could probably send you back home before the shit really hits the fan.

...Maybe you'd take us with you. I wonder how we might adjust to life on your planet. I suspect that your planet is probably at least a little smaller than mine. Probably your atmosphere is richer in oxygen, too. I wonder how it'd work out. O'course, my dyspraxic, Ehlers-Danlos-afflicted ass probably wouldn't be able to fight the wildlife where you live. So there's that. All things considered, I'd probably get eaten by something in less than a week. Ah well.

It's impossible anyway. Not sure why I'm even thinking about it.

Well. It's late and there's nothing else rolling around up in my head. So I guess I'll go to sleep. I'm kinda short on hours in that regard...

Maybe I'll leave you this nice playlist, just in case you have trouble sleeping sometime:

...I wish you could tell me what's rolling around up in your head. It'd be nice. And... I think maybe you could use someone to talk to who doesn't wanna hurt ya somehow...

Hey. I love you a whole lot. So please stay safe out there. Remember to reach out to someone who cares for you when you're struggling, okay? And try to remember, too, that you've got a lot of people here who truly do care about you. Angeal and Zack certainly do, even if they're sometimes derpy-derps who drop the ball.

No one is perfect, Sephiroth. And you don't have to be perfect, either.

I'll write again soon.

Your friend, Lumine

[cruorcrave]

7 January 2025

(TL;DR at the end.)

Yesterday was a really long day but overall pretty okay until the end. My sister, one of my aunts and I all went shopping for some winter and travel stuff for when we go overseas. It was pretty exciting even if spending that much money felt kind of terrifying and my feet were super sore after walking for four or so hours.

Last night wasn't great though. My dad's a bit of a hoarder and my mum is a very neat person (they're divorced so it's not usually much of a problem) but my dad's house is owned by one of my aunts (my mother's sister) and it's been causing some tension recently. Last night, me and my mother were staying at that aunt's house and they got into an argument whilst I was trying to sleep. I was sleeping on the couch so I had to wear long pants to bed so no one would see the wounds on my thigh and it was boiling hot. I had to blast music in my ears to drown out the sound of the argument. I did that a lot when I was younger but I haven't had to for a while because, again, parents have been separated for like 8 years. I made my "bed" on the couch at like 10:00 and got to sleep at, idk, midnight? Not that late, but with the rest of the day's 4+ hours of walking and talking taken into mind, I was fucking exhausted.

As such, today was rough. Sleep deprived, I mostly just sat around all day and it made me feel like shit. My mother and I went shopping for some travel stuff for her which was fun sort of but pretty tiring yet again. I got a pizza from my favourite pizza place which was nice! But we got home about an hour ago and I'm just wiped out.

It's been so bad mentally. One of my old friends (a cool one not one of the mean ones) is filming a short film soon and I'm in a few scenes and I'm so fucking anxious about it. The person I'm sharing the scenes with is someone I've had a lot of tension with but everyone thinks we're best friends because we've known each other for 12 years, had the same classes and had a secret handshake. But in all honesty, being around him is kind of awful. He makes me feel like shit for doing literally anything. Luckily though, some cool people will be there and we're only filming for a few hours. I messaged the main guy and he said if I need to take some extra breathers on the day that's totally okay. Such a chill dude, such a relief to hear that.

Unfortunately with all the shit that's been going on recently, I did relapse tonight. I feel so annoyed about it but it is what it is. Relapses are part of recovery. Healing isn't linear and all that. I just feel disappointed I guess. In myself that is.

I talked to my mother about moving back to the city to my aunt's house, even just on weekdays (she drives to and from the city every few days for work) and she said it seems like a good idea. She agrees I should get a job and connect with people some more. Glad to hear I'm making the right moves. Can't move until after we're back from our holiday, but that gives me some time to prepare. Still kind of feel scared about moving back though.

Happy for that friend being cool about me needing some room to breathe and thankful for my mother paying for so much of my travel expenses. People can be really cool if you stick with the right ones.

Song of the Day: Get Out Alive - Three Days Grace

TL;DR:

Last two days have been really tiring. Did lots of shopping. Some of my relatives are arguing and it's annoying. Doing some filming for a short film soon and I'm really anxious about it. I relapsed. About 5 days clean before that. Might move back to the city when we return from our holiday.

Clean since 7 January 2025

[rainyfestivalsweets]

9/15/24

I hate that I am wasting fall hiking time being sick and feeling like shit. I had a rough night and a very long slow get going this morning. So long and slow that I don't know that I am going yet.

I had a rough night, despite cold meds and sleep aids. And a lidocaine patch and CBD muscle rub put on my hurting spots.

I tossed and turned and coughed and sweated so much I had to change my nightshirt. Despite getting up many times thru the night to change my gear and go to the bathroom, I bled all over my sheets.

I am awake now, barely. Finished a Monster, did a nebulizer, got cold meds in me, plus my normal supplements, made some tea, my bedsheets are in the wash, & I started puttering around my office.

Every time I buy something, my office has to somehow absorb it. All my books, teas, coffee, sports supplements, any kind of vitamin thing. It all has to go somewhere. So I am working on that. I want it to be functional and less cluttering. Everything needs a home. This is a very maximalist room, bookshelves on 2 whole sides of the room. My desk, the extra desk, and a dresser that serves as my coffee bar. Literally every space is covered with stuff.

I am focusing on making sure the stuff I need to use and find is reachable. I need to be able to grab a coffee/tea or some vitamins/supplements, very quickly.

My weak points are doom piles everywhere. Mail. Piles and piles and piles. Things I meant to deal with probably 6 months ago. Or 5 years ago.

Send all the positive vibes please as I try to focus on bringing some peace back to this space.

I realized I was making the same mistake I made yesterday by not wearing shoes. So, I am going to fix that first. Coffee, tea. Maybe watch an office decluttering video.

Everything hurts and I just uggghhhh.

But if Schmidty can lose weight and keep ot off, so can I.

Maybe I should also grab a shower, that might feel real nice.

[pbandjesse]

I could feel better right now. My stomach hurts. I feel so dehydrated even though I keep sipping water. I just had kind of a rough day.

I didnt sleep amazing. I woke up a lot and had weird dreams. So when my alarm went off I told James I needed to sleep more and gave myself an extra hour. It helped a little but pretty quickly it would fade and I would feel bad again.

I tried really hard to be positive though. James left me breakfast so after I got dressed I warmed that up. And packed a little lunch. I had some juice but it didn't make me feel much better.

I drove to camp. And very quickly started to not feel well again. But it also makes me feel stupid. I don't want to have to keep asking to go home. I want to be able to work. But when there is nothing for me to do I just feel miserable.

There were positive things today though. It was my dad's birthday! He's 70! Incredible. And it's my parents' wedding anniversary! They got married on his birthday so that he wouldn't forget. And it's Friday the 13th. And the start of my 13th week of pregnancy! Which means baby is now a peach! Or a kiwi. Depends on the app you check.

I tried to let those things make myself feel better. But it was hard. I would had some things to do though which was something. I spent a few hours going through all the private schools in an hour radius and finding emails for history, science, and social studies teachers. This turned out to be a ton of work because not every school has a very good website design. It was hard to actually get emails. But I got a really good amount and I was happy about that.

I would also work on my alphabet drawing. I made files with every letter. So that's started at least. And I would send some emails and poke around online.

I had lunch around 11. I told everyone about our appointment yesterday and seeing baby flip around and stretch. It was nice to talk about it.

I wasn't feeling great though. And went up to arts and crafts to take some materials to put away. And spent a good amount of time laying in the hammock. I just wasn't feeling good. But I wanted to stay until at least 2. I laid in the hammock for a half hour. Just trying to feel better.

Eventually I went back to the office. And Heather had two tasks for me. Finally. And I would spend time researching private schools in York that we can email. And updating the email blast with the more accurate Native American Field trip stuff. But then I had stabbing pains in my boobies and was just like. Okay I'm done. And said goodbye.

I stopped at 711 and got a snack. And only got stuck in some traffic for a little bit. And was home right after 330.

When I got back here I was excited that my package had come. I purchased a baby carry wrap. Which not shocking is way to large on my torso but is perfect for James. I didn't realize that its flame pattern in one side and crane patterned on the other. Really cool.

I laid in bed for a long time. I didn't really leave bed for the whole evening. I would lay down and wait for James to come home. And when they did they had a gift for me too!

They got me the special Japanese Calico Critter seals!! I was so excited. They are so soft and I'm excited to add them to the doll house.

James would try on the carrier. And we found a tutorial video on how to wrap it but our guess ended up being correct. James would practice with a weighted plushie. I thought it was so sweet.

James made us dinner. I had a quesadilla and a hashbrown and a scrambled egg. Which was probably to much food because I feel all swollen now. But thankfully I didn't feel nauseous. Just swollen and not great. I'm glad that eating is easier. Everything doesn't go to a pinpoint and I think I'm going to black out. I am thankful for that.

I took a shower and washed my hair and gave mostly just been laying down. James has been hanging out with me. Sweetp too. He wants to lay on my stomach so much and we have to keep blocking him from doing so and he doesn't understand. My poor baby.

I am really hoping I can sleep easy and feel better tomorrow. We have the market all morning and then we are having dinner with Jules, that girl I met a few months back. I am hoping to just sleep all afternoon and be in a good mood for that.

I hope you all had a good day. Wish my dad a happy and healthy birthday. I love you all. Goodnight!!

[mozart-the-meerkitten]

CW/TW- Pet Death

So last night I asked for prayers for me and my parents because we'd had a really rough and emotionally trying day. I will now explain. This is, unfortunately, also a Kitten Update on my Bengal kittens, so if you've become emotionally invested in them and aren't up for reading this right now, look away and come back to it another time. Or just don't come back to it. Alright, disclaimer over, you've been warned.

Alright, I'm going to keep this as succinct as possible to try and limit how much I end up crying.

We took the six girl kittens to get spayed yesterday.

Tulip, the littlest kitten, Leeli's runt, had a heart condition we didn't know about. It's all but invisible, there are barely any signs and there is no way to know it exists without special tests being done which we never even thought to do because we had never had an issue with it before and we have had Bengal cats for a long time.

They put Tulip under anesthesia and during the procedure her heart just... stopped. They did everything they could to revive her, they gave her CPR, they gave her epinephrine, but it didn't work. She died.

The vet said she likely had a heart condition where the heart walls thicken and it takes more and more effort then for the heart to beat. My mom looked it up and usually by the time symptoms are visible the cat only has 3-6 months to live. There is no cure, all they can do is slow it down/improve symptoms.

I realized, and shared with my parents, that Tulip was already showing symptoms. She always tired out before the other kittens, she slept more than them, when she was littler she'd come and fall asleep on me because she knew I'd keep other kittens from pouncing on her. Two days ago I'd left Madia and Tulip in my room for maybe 10-15 minutes and they were waking up from a nap, so I assumed they'd be tearing around when I got back. They were curled up on my bed again and I thought that was odd, but...

But Tulip was little, she was the runt, there was no reason to question these things because they're not uncommon behavior for runts (being smaller they have less energy/stamina). And she was as fiesty as any Bengal kitten we'd ever had. A few days ago I saw her attack Farid, her brother, who is over a FULL POUND heavier than her, and start beating him up. She gained weight, she ate well, she acted like a normal kitten!

She was already showing symptoms at 4-6 weeks old, maybe earlier. 3-6 months to live (usually) after symptoms show up. Her heart stopped when she was 4 months old.

It was basically as if we'd had her put to sleep. She felt no pain, she didn't even know. She just fell asleep.

There was no happier kitten in existence than Tulip. That little baby would purr like a MOTOR if you were in the ROOM with her, not even if you were holding her, petting her or playing with her. She just purred ALL THE TIME. She was such a sweet little bug that you couldn't get mad at her. All she knew was happiness and love, and like my mom said, there aren't many cats or people that's true of. She had the happiest kittenhood, the happiest life that any cat could ever have. Her siblings knew that their baby sister needed extra TLC so they made sure to always snuggle around her, Madia went slower so her baby sister could keep up, they loved her, they loved her, they loved her.

Tulip was going to die soon, we just didn't know it. At least this way, God gave us some answers and reasons as to why. I told my mom yesterday that this was simply her span of days, and it was short but very bright.

I named her after a spring flower. Tulips have a short season and then they fade. Tulip's season was short but vibrant and full of life. And when I thought about it today, about if I would have rather had her just not be born alive so I didn't have to go through the grief of losing her after I'd known her...

I couldn't imagine a world where I hadn't experienced that baby's life. I'd do it all over again. Her span of days was short but bright and I was with her every day of her life. I was her forever. And I loved her and I loved her and I loved her.

This was not my fault, I did everything right, I have no regrets. Sometimes things happen that are out of our control. She would never have lived long, but I gave her the best life any kitten could ever have.

Tulip is buried in my Hideout, in the Gnarled Forest, next to Dora. There is no higher honor I could give her than that.

All the others kittens came thought surgery fine and are recovering.

[umichenginabroad]

Stockholm Week 10: Grind Before Barcelona

Hi! I can’t believe that it’s already the end of March. Isn’t that crazy? It still feels like late February to me. 

I’m bringing this up because my trip to Barcelona is coming up real fast. I am leaving on the 27th when the Explorative Travel Week begins! We get a week off as a travel break; certain elective courses travel as a class during that week, but I am not in any of those electives so I get a week off from school. Hurray! 

The number 1 country I wanted to travel to was Spain, and I am finally going there next week. That also means that this week has been rough, catching up with all the homework and finishing up projects before the break. 

3/18 Mon: (the best news) Class Canceled! 

On Monday, the only class I had switched to online at the last minute due to traffic issues. 

I took the opportunity to call my boyfriend and my mom while I worked on my assignments the entire day. I slept earlier than usual, around 11 pm, to treat myself :) 

3/19 Tue: Spicy Uno

We have been watching this Netflix series called The Chestnut Man in the Scandinavian Crime Fiction class, and I have been on my nerves since the start of the show. The plot and the music interact too well to the point that I have to cover my ears and close my eyes every now and then. I hate horror movies but I would say this is an extremely well-played thriller/detective show. I recommend it to anyone who likes mystery/crime genre! 

When I’m at home, I always have to try very hard to refrain from watching the rest of the episodes on my own. It has been a difficult battle but I made it to the 5th episode (out of 7) without binge-watching it alone. 

I didn’t know (and wouldn’t have known) that crime fiction was so popular in the Scandinavian region before I took this class. I can see why it’s so famous; all the books and films are quite good! I always look forward to starting a new book or series in class. This course has been my absolute favorite class in Stockholm :) 

During lunchtime, I surprisingly met a new friend who’s going to Barcelona on the same day!!! She and her friend booked their flight yesterday, so I never heard about them when I was asking everyone if they’d like to join our Barcelona trip. The most surprising part was that her friend turned out to be my friend who always sat next to me in two classes! We exchanged numbers to talk more about the trip. 

Afterward, I went to Arkivet, a second-hand store on the higher end. There are high-quality clothes that are in good condition—all the way from H&M and Zara to COS, BOSS, and Coach. Although it is a bit more expensive than other stores like Myrona or Stockholm Stadsmission, the pool is much better in my opinion. I bought a Tommy Hilfiger trench coat for $70! 

There are so many buttons on this coat

Happy with my purchase, I came back home and made Alfredo pasta for dinner. I have been CRAVING creamy pasta and it momentarily satisfied my yearning. I need to go to an Italian restaurant and get a good alfredo spaghetti soon. 

I threw some chicken and sausage in there too :) 

That night, my friends and I all gathered around my room to play Spicy Uno. My friend taught us the extra rules and it was a lot more fun than I expected. Towards the end, we even incorporated Never Have I Ever into the game (ง˙∇˙)ว

After they all left, I couldn’t sleep right away because of the sugar rush from all the goodies we ate (ice cream, jellies, chips, chocolate bars, and wafers). 

I blame this sugar rush for the catastrophe that happened a few minutes later. 

I was peacefully putting on a new set of fake nails until the nail glue fell down on my joggers. I can definitely say that it was an exothermic reaction because where the glue spilled was hot. Thankfully, I was able to separate my pants from my thighs by lifting it up a little bit, but my pants did not survive the accident. 

Picture that captures the moment of the tragic incident 

If anyone knows how to remove nail glue on clothes please let me know ( •́ ̯•｡̀ )

3/20 Wed: Skansen Open-Air Museum! 

Today’s field trip for our Swedish class was Skansen, the world’s first open-air museum! 

The escalator was endless and the area of the museum was unparalleled to any other museums I visited. We had a full experience with the tour guide—we even got to go into houses from the 1700s and see reindeer! 

Us inside the houses

More cool photos: 

Some cool facts: 

Going to church was obligatory: people were officially tested on their bible knowledge and the answers were recorded! 

Each house was numbered (well over two thousand pieces for each house), deconstructed, relocated, and reconstructed in the museum! 

After free fika with the entire class, my friend and I hung out around T-Centralen. We went to cafes, second-hand stores (again), and the system. We headed back to the hog together. 

For the rest of the night, I worked on the insurmountable group project for my online ChemE class until 4 am… ;) 

3/21 Thu: Reeeaaaading

I woke up early to do the pre-lecture homework for the classes. Despite dozing off for a few minutes here and there, I finished the assignment! 

For Friday’s class, I started and finished reading half of The Wolf and the Watchman by Niklas Natt och Dag. I’m starting to spot the similarities in the settings of the crime fiction novels! 

3/22-3/23 Fri-Sat: Zoom Meetings

I devoted two whole days to working on the group project. I had a series of Zoom sessions with the Professor and then with teammates. 

Cooking and doing laundry was my time off from work! 

When I was done with the project around 11 pm Saturday, I started scavenging for English-guided tours for Barcelona. The tickets were rapidly selling out! 

I managed to get an English tour of Sagrada Familia and Park Guell. They were expensive, but when would I ever have the chance to visit Spain? With that mindset, I joyfully paid for the events. 

3/24 Sun: Planning Barcelona..

My body weighed 200 tons today and wouldn’t have gotten out of bed until 2 pm if it wasn’t for the Barcelona planning meeting I scheduled with my friends. 

We met at Downtown Camper Cafe in T-Centralen and stayed there for three hours, making reservations and finalizing schedules. We are ready to fly to Barcelona! 

The bathroom was fancy

Again, when I got home, I cooked and did more homework.

Tada!

With the energy I gained from dinner, I was able to work on the group project until I got burnt out at 9 pm. I called my mom for a little (meaning 1.5 hours) and did some more work before going to sleep. 

I am SO excited to share my experience in Barcelona next week! 

Stay tuned for new, rejuvenating adventures coming soon!!! 

Tack,  

Jiwoo Kim 

Chemical Engineering

DIS Study Abroad in Stockholm, Sweden

[yourgamemasterthewhiterabbit]

The great regular sleep experiment of 2024 day "I should stop making excuses for my stupid body"

Okay, I didn't sleep much during my night sleep. I'm tired.

And I know I was just blaming being a bit hyperthyroid, but the thing is I was more hyperthyroid the entire time since I had goiter and had to start packing in the iodine, and not sleeping didn't become the problem I was having until I tried to start pushing myself onto a regular schedule.

Before regular sleep I was sleeping 8-16 hours, now I sleep 4 hours okay-good-ish and then try and fail to sleep a separate 4 hours with mixed poor results...

This isn't sustainable for me and forcing myself to do a bunch of chores isn't either, but now that my brain is in this rough pattern I either have to wait for it to naturally break, or I have to try to force it to break and deal with whatever symptoms that causes.

I kind of feel like biting everything.

Anyway I finished making cookie batter when I got up and I had a thought yesterday about laundry... I want to catch up but doing a big tub in the shower hurts my spine so so bad... and there's only so much I can do in the sink and then have the room to hang, so I have been ding little batches and then having to wait for that to fully dry... BUT if I just set up the drying rack in the shower stall, I can hand wash clothes periodically through a day or two out here and then to hang them in the shower. They only take about a day to dry, so if I shower first, it shouldn't get in the way of anything. Then I can wash my bedding, then the only laundry I will ever have is to wash the outfit I am wearing, or my current bedding and towel, before I put it away/back. Bam. Forever completely caught up on laundry and dishes. I have a system now. I was only behind before because of all the times I had to run myself down organizing boxes and furniture in here since moving in.

Really the fact that I can maintain anything in my health should be super impressive, let alone chip away at other things, but I want to get downsized and settled in already. I want the 'reclaiming my life' part done so I can do the 'living my life' part. It's been almost a year since I got this place and escaped the problems involved with shitty roommates.

I have no idea what possessed me and made me think regular sleep would help me specifically. I am sure it was well intended, but I am always forgetting the very specific reasons why I don't do the things you would assume would be helpful to anyone. It's always because I tried it upside down and sideways, for months or years at a time, tracked and documented all of it, and made the very informed decision that it is worse actually, or at best unnecessary.

I am very much a 'runs a practical experiment on myself and uses the results' kind of person. Tracking the food I ate and my symptoms is how I eliminated half my migraines and figured out I have MCS which my doctor later confirmed, doing so no longer serves a function until a problem comes up. Doing monthly budgeting and tracking receipts for years is how I figured out I don't need to do that. I am consistently under budget and always saving up money if there's any money to spare, through most of it I was on welfare and had only 200 to spend per month and I just watched it all go to basic necessities every month. When I got more money I started ordering crafting supplies or buying tools here or there... And then I stopped that too and otherwise the only change in spending is that i still don't and just shove the extra in savings for the next emergency or need. Budgeting for me just doesn't accomplish anything, I KNOW where all my money is going. Or caffeine, turns out fully cutting caffeine for months on end does nothing except make me agitated and unfocused and increase the number of migraines I get as an overall trend, all long after the possibility of withdrawal symptoms, because I have adhd and a migraine disorder, both of which are known to be helped my caffeine.

I test these things but I also have a shit memory, apparently, because I fucking know why regular sleep doesn't work for me and I don't know why I thought this would help...

But for science, and because I already fell in this trap, we march on.

If I start to sound like maybe there's a gas leak in my apartment you'll know why.

On the bright side, when I am really tired or didn't sleep well, or get a headache, or the sudden onset sleepies... I only have to force myself awake till my next viable sleep slot, which is 5 hours in the morning and my night slot can happen at 6pm or 12midnight I don't care which. So it'll be easier to maintain that over time and my cat won't wake me up constantly if he gets used to it too.

Oh yeah, that's half of why i decided to try this... My cat thinks humans only sleep for 4 hours at a time max, unless they are very sick. Because of me. Because he lives with me, so trying to sleep 8 hours a day in a solid chunk at random times just meant he was waking me up every 2-3 hours no matter what and that wasn't sustainable either. I remember now. I always wake up half way through for a bit anyway, so whatever.

[casspurrjoybell-33]

Wreckless - Best and Worst - Part 1

*Warning Adult Content*

Emmett

I'm slightly irked by the hundred dollars but I also know he's been wanting to pay for things since the first time we ordered pizza.

I also know he has it.

He's not going to drop it, either and if I try to give some of it back it'll turn into a thing.

I hate 'things'.

Fine. We will eat really well this week.

I toss yet more laundry into the machine, between all the sheets we're going through and my work clothes, I've got a small mountain to wash.

Then it's off to the store.

I'm not used to shopping for two.

I know he loves ice cream and I get an extra carton, plus some more chocolate sauce.

I get him microwave popcorn and the already popped stuff that they have in the chip aisle.

I grab a marinated pork loin, some chicken and some hamburger along with some salad and veg, the boy needs some real food if he's going to survive off my cum for breakfast and whatever he manages to find for lunch.

At least he let me feed him this morning.

God, this morning.

I didn't expect anything, at all.

Seriously, I didn't even need anything.

I came twice yesterday and that is more than enough for me.

He, however, seemed to need it and once I knew he was fully aware that I didn't expect or need a blow job, I let him have fun.

Hell, I've been called a lot of things in my life but I'm not actually stupid.

I can't explain why seeing him go from a sweet, sleeping angel to a flustered, choking, desperate boy in less than two minutes makes me want to skip through the store like a five-year old but it's, well, it's everything.

I know he's well rested and he wakes up happy and needy and it obviously does something for him.

I have no idea what but he's in charge and it's the way he wants it.

I love it too but that's just a bonus, I've never had a problem with a regular suck, not that I've ever gotten them so regularly.

The past few weeks and the past week in particular, have been a whirlwind.

It took us weeks to dance around and decide if we were even dating and man, I almost completely fucked up the whole 'little' thing but he seems to be really coming out of his shell.

He seems happier.

I know I am.

I almost forget to grab some flowers and a bottle of wine for tonight but I remember at the last minute and get everything purchased and put away at home.

I switch the laundry, clean Marten's cage and collapse onto the couch.

One of the back cushions is askew and I fix it, then immediately think about last night.

If someone would have told me six months ago or even six days ago that I would have said those things, been so rough or enjoyed it so much, I would have laughed in their face.

I can't remember what time Finnegan left but it's been awhile, right?

He'll probably be back soon.

Do I want to be rough all the time? No.

That boy is magic and he deserves to be loved properly.

I make a promise to myself that the next time will be much different than last night was.

Maybe I can get him to ride me again, that was fantastic.

I decide to slice up the watermelon and have it ready, he may be munchy when he gets home from church.

Home.

Shit, I need to stop that.

He's made it very clear from the beginning that he's leaving and not a year from now, no, soon.

As in later this summer.

I don't want to think about it.

At first it made me brave, what did I have to lose?

I either had to grab on and hope to have some fun or let him slip through my fingers and disappear back to Michigan without anything ever happening.

But now?

So much has changed this week that I can't imagine just letting him walk away.

It needs to wait.

I can't deal with everything that's happened this week and that too.

I'll end up drunk and sad and I've done that more than my fair share.

I wonder if he'll come to dinner tonight.

I've never taken anyone to my dad's, he's never met anyone I dated at all.

He knows I'm gay but since my coming out conversation, it feels very much like don't ask, don't tell did in the army.

Don't tell me it's over, trust me, it's not. 

He was fine then or said he was at least but I was leaving the house and joining up and we didn't see each other a lot for eight years.

You grow apart, you know?

Grow up.

I have no idea whether or not any of that distance is because of that fateful convo or just the way things go.

He's a good guy and when I mentioned inviting a 'friend' to dinner he said...

"Sure."

But.. I don't know.

If Finnegan decides to go I'll have to call and make sure he knows we're dating but then what if he freaks?

It's not like I can uninvite Finnegan but actually... I'd just cancel... Fine.

My dad and I are complicated.

My mother dying made it that way.

Me being gay makes it that way.

Running off and disappearing for eight years and missing his second wedding made it that way.

But we do okay, really.

We talk some, he knows I'd do anything for him and he tells me he loves me.

Wrote me letters whenever I was deployed, too, it meant the world.

I should see him more than I do.

I need to do better.

[ghostofasecretary]

i upped my dose of focus meds in October because i was having A Bad Time getting things done. also then Nakba 2.0 started at the same time i switched over and i have been bowled over with grief and shame and nervous energy to take action and more grief

(i was part of a local movement that recently helped stop a "we uncritically support Israel" statement from going forward in the city council, which is probably not very meaningful but i do think it's better than the alternative, so, yay?)

and i have just been feeling. SO shit lately. i have had 5 days from October 7th to now (5/40 days) where i only did one or two things worth recording in my planner, and only 2 from August 27th-October 6th (2/40 days). there were a few extra days in the pre-switch times where i only did 3 things but i don't think i felt so shit then???

and like. i have had great things in the last month-and-change! i have a new class, i've met some cool people, i've had some good social interactions.

i have also been thinking "i want to die" and "i wish i were dead" WAY MORE OFTEN in the past few weeks than i remember thinking previously. i had some rough days during my hellish job situation but was pretty firmly in "being alive is great and i love it, i'm so glad i'm alive" from March to August this year, i think?? so it's kinda scary to be back to "i wish i could sleep forever" and "if i were dead i wouldn't have to feel so bad" and "oh kill me already"

also i have been taking my PRN anxiety meds waaaaaay more than baseline in the last month. the baseline is 0. i got them in December and, though i needed them then, couldn't take them till January, and in January and February i took them rarely, and then i maaaaybe took them once between March and August but certainly not more.

earlier this year i was like "huh, i really don't think i have general anxiety anymore, just PTSD symptoms after major triggers and the occasional hard time with ADHD symptom management" and today i woke up from a nightmare about my shitty ex visiting me (!?) and--i will spare the details but it sucked ass, and plus it took me *twenty minutes* with *another person helping me* to text someone back today and like. some help with unusually stressful communications is normal but i knew i needed help with this as of 3pm yesterday and did not ask for help till, like, 3pm today. which i don't...think?? is normal for me??

oh god i just remembered another crushing anvil of a contact i haven't replied to, fuck my LIFE

i feel like i have the emotional self-awareness of a bug right now

(please no one suggest therapy i think it would make my life much worse actually and though it may look like i have no clue what's happening inside of me, you certainly have less of a clue)

but also, like, there are some unusual stressors. there's a genocide happening. i've seen a lot more dead bodies in the past month than i usually do. the normal number of dead bodies i see is none. ditto the number of injured people covered in the dust of their bombed homes. and it's The Dark Time as of 12 days ago. my whole family was sick and i had to avoid them for most of October. i have no income and grad school deadlines are approaching and both of those facts are bone chilling.

but i think that my meds may be making my anxiety worse and also making my likelihood to have suicidal thoughts a lot higher. i think.

so i probably need to lower my meds.

even though they *have* helped me focus when i can snap out of the hours long borderline-catatonic dread i get locked in and actually do work i need to focus for

it's. maybe not worth it. probably not worth it. it is genuinely hard to tell

(and like--i requested an upped dosage BECAUSE i was really struggling! and having a hard time doing things! and didn't feel like i could focus. and i felt really bad!! but maybe objectively the anxiety and increased-wanting-to-die are bigger and that outweighs the potential benefits)

(like. i don't think i was having *zero* suicidal ideation before the med increase but i think it was. less? i remember the first "oh shit that's not normal" was before one of my Tuesday calls and. hm. i think it was in October that this started. October 17th or maybe even the 24th? though my mental health has been trending down since August, more generally.

trying to figure out how much current events may be impacting me. covid didn't make me suicidal? --actually it kinda did but i had also just been assaulted and had no routine and a ton of pressure and grief and it was a much worse time for me than this. and most of those thoughts were concentrated in a 5 day period of frantic sleepless essay writing. this situation is like. grief that isn't about me. a degree of shame i think is reasonable to feel. not "i am the worst person on earth" just "i am ashamed to be part of the world that enables this horror and ashamed to be from the only country in the world frothing at the mouth to support it." despairing at how many people have been killed and at how slow anyone is to stop it. i am sad about all that a lot and sorrow doesn't make anyone fast or mega productive, but this major historical event touches me a lot less directly than covid? so maybe it's not actually a good comparison point. i would certainly be happier if Israel (and the US) stopped attacking hospitals and destroying critical infrastructure and trying to erase Palestine and Palestinians from existence)

i remember we tried lowering my dose of antidepressants earlier in the summer because i'd been Feeling Peppy the week i was forced to go off of them, but that did not help. when was that? did that start me getting crazier?? i have no clue

1 day in 8 is a lot more days lost than 1 day in 20. i should probably switch my dose back and suffer through it.

in conclusion: gratgkrhejrisjdkskskekzARGH

i'm gonna go cook

[some-kindofgnome]

now everything is easy

do not interact with this post if you are under 18.

Katsuki wakes next to you the morning after your heat reaches its peak.

c: katsuki bakugou x reader

wc: 3.7k

cw: smut (18+), morning sex, subtle alpha/beta/omega dynamics (knotting, heat cycles,  descriptions of scent & slick), vaginal & oral sex, aftercare if you squint, katsuki is like lovingly disgruntled through most of this but he adores you i promise

notes: Bakugou lovers, what’s up? It’s been a minute... 😅I can’t BELIEVE how long it’s been since I’ve written about Bakugou. But I signed up to write him for a few collabs over the summer, so here’s my warmup. I think I did this trope wrong but he goes down on u so like that’s fun, right? 👀

(MASTERLIST)

Morning comes hot and sticky, drizzling like honey into Katsuki’s slowly waking mind.

For a long time, waking slowly like this seemed little more than a far-off dream, for the man who could never be caught off guard. Most days his eyes still spring open, fully alert to the sound of his six o’clock alarm. But when she needs him, he loses himself easily to her.

To you.

He’s not sure what time it is exactly, only that midmorning sun splashes obscenely across the mussed bedclothes, lighting up the soft green of the worn linen and the buttery eggshell-painted wall beyond. His muscles settle into a dutiful ache. His thighs are still a little stuck together. He kind of needs to piss.

But you, fragile and perfect with the dew of your leftover heat drying on your spine, are worth lingering for.

You’re still fast asleep as he rolls onto one hip, fresh scratches pulling and stinging in the muscles of his back. The sheet’s tucked haphazardly over the curve of your hip, but you’re sprawled on your side with your torso left carelessly bare.

He can’t help himself, leaning forward to bury his nose against your scent glands, pulling the strong reek of you into his head. Your scent is so easy to read- maple-sweet, fragrant like orange blossom and deliciously mingled with his own. Last night, he fucked you both into sheer exhaustion, and the sheets still waft puffs of your mingled scents with every shift of his body.

Still, you’ll be wanting more soon. He gives your petal-soft skin a devilish little nip, rolling away to stretch yesterday’s exertion from his tendons.

Before he can even shift to climb out of bed for the bathroom, you’re squirming beside him.

Too late.

Those long, peaceful breaths of sleepy silence quickly give way to strained little whimpers as your senses come back to you. Last night, your heat cycle had reached its peak. But after a full measure of sleep- and eight hours without the fill of your alpha- he knew this was coming.

“Alpha,” you keen, struggling with even one coherent word. Katsuki’s instincts flare to life while you wake up, fresh waves of your needy scent filling his head and bringing his alpha to the surface. His cock stirs greedily against one thigh, stiffening traitorously in response to your voice.

He sighs harshly, flopping back against the pillows. His jaw ticks, letting firm throbs of desire swell in his gut.

“Couldn’t even wait for me to take a piss, could you?” He growls, no shortage of affection in his rough tone. You’re already rolling over, tangling clumsy, slick thighs in the soiled sheets.

“Please,” you sigh. “One more. I need one more.”

“C’mere,” he grunts, palming your ass to bring you close. “Let me see you.”

Your flesh is hot and sticky beneath his touch, and he knows how badly you need him but he can’t help indulging. Not now, when you’re so pliable and needy for him. It’s cruel to think so, but he loves you most when you’re desperate like this. His mean streak doesn’t come for you very often, but he can’t help it. You’re so easy to tease, and so much cuter when you want something.

He slips between your thighs to quell your squirming, letting you settle onto your back. You spread your legs as far as they’ll go, staring up at him with that wide, vulnerable, irresistible expression you always get at this time in your cycle. It’s how can tell your heat’s coming, far before the changes to your scent. The first time you look up at him like this every season, he knows it’s all over.

Your thighs are still crusted with last night’s slick and dried remnants of cum, but when you spread them, long strings of fresh fluid break and drip onto the mattress. The warm slip of your sex is glistening already.

Katsuki decides in that moment that he’s going to take his time with you, whether you’re ready to wait for it or not.

“You feeling patient?” he chuckles, lip curling as he flicks his eyes back to yours. You’re still staring up at him like that, an extra flash of panic lighting your eyes when the word patient reaches your ears.

“W-what,” you plead. “N-no, please, just- now, just do it now…”

Your voice trails into a strangled little squeak of pleasure when he dips his head between your thighs and seals his mouth to your dripping cunt. The familiar sweet musk of you pours into his mouth, cocktailed with the overwhelmingly heady flavor of your heat slick. The tightness in his balls is getting blurry now, half-full-bladder, half-swelling desire. But he can hold it, if it means he gets to pull more of those little cries from your needy throat.

He glides the flat of his tongue up between your folds, knowing that it makes you squeal without actually pushing you any closer to the edge. As he predicted, your thigh twitches by his left ear and your toes curl, but the whine that leaves you is not a satisfied one.

“K-katsuki,” you beg. The shape of his name on your lips comes as a surprise to him, and he glances up at you with a flinch of his brow. While there’s nothing quite like the way you shout “alpha” in the throes of your heat, when you’re all sleepy and sticky and half-conscious like this, his name feels good, too, hanging in the bleary air between you.

It sounds nice.

He rewards you with a lift of his chin, bringing the fat press of his tongue over your swollen clit just once. The sharp flick of it makes you yelp and flinch, slamming your hips into his face so hard he nearly bites his lip.

“Fuck,” he curses without pulling away, “cut it out.” He flattens one palm over the low plane of your pelvis, pressing weight into his wrist and pinning your wriggling hips to the mattress. The angle’s a little more awkward like this, but your toes are starting to twitch and he can tell you’re losing yourself to the pleasure.

He presses one finger to the weeping silk of your slippery folds, nudging it forward to find your needing hole and pushing smoothly inside.

“Jesus, sweetheart,” he croons into your cunt, “y’re fuckin’ grabbing me already.”

Your walls flutter in near-instant reaction to his touch, closing down hard around his middle finger. You squeeze so tightly he can barely draw back out of you again, curling the pad of his finger to find the spongy flesh near your entrance. It’s the tenderest part of you, and when he rubs it just right, you’ll descend into the kind of shivers that’ll make it hard to hold back.

It’s worth it every time, though, to watch you lose your mind under his diligent hands.

Katsuki refreshes the weight in his palm, pinning you freshly down while he re-adjusts to the slick pull of your clutching depths. He cups his tongue against your clit, feeling the heat in its swollen ridge, and dips his ring finger into you, alongside the first. His cock’s fully hard now, drooling wet preek into the sheets and burning with bright, hot tension.

Fuck, it’s going to feel good to get you on his knot again.

He focuses once more on the task at hand, finished revelling in your taste and ready to focus on your pleasure. You like it when he flutters his tongue quick and sharp against your clit, and your cunt’s most sensitive in the shallow parts near your slit. He curls his fingers, rubbing all along the hottest planes. He can practically feel the spots where your nerves sit closest to your skin, making your body spasm when he pins them under his fingers.

“Kah!” The first syllable of his name flies from your lips. He knows you sense his intent now, and your body’s already beginning to stiffen with the promise of climax. He knows you have to tense up a little to make it happen, so when you tense your core beneath the press of his free hand, he knows you’re getting close.

“Close,” you pant anyway, slipping one hand between your thighs and raking your fingers into his hair. When you grab the longest strands at his crown and pull, it sends an unexpected little shock of pleasure to his dick that pulls the air from his chest.

You’re already starting to pitch and shake, but he knows better than to let up now. He keeps the pleasure coming steady and strong, pushing out out a solid rhythm between his tongue and his fingers as he feels you pass the point of no return.

“Right there,” comes your desperate voice, crawling into your upper register. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, that’s it, y-you’re-“

It’s kind of beautiful, how easy to read you’ve become. He’s pretty sure he could satisfy you like this by feel alone at this point, blindfolded with his ears stuffed full of cotton.

A heartbeat and a half later you’re falling, tense muscles suddenly going slack as you dig your heels into the mattress and arch your back off the bed and contract so tight around his fingers he almost busts it right there, trying not to think about how maddening you’re going to feel around his cock in a few seconds. You let out one, long, hushed draw of his name, a “Katsuki,” that wafts by his ears like a fragrant breeze. Then you’re collapsing between his hands, fitful and whimpering and fighting him off.

“Better?” he grunts, sitting back on his heels. He wipes his mouth off with the back of one hand, dipping the pad of his thumb into the corners as he licks your heat-slick from his lips.

The look you give him suggests everything he intended. Better after a peak, perhaps, but there’s only one thing that’s going to satisfy you enough to function today.

Fuck, his knot’s already starting to swell a little when he closes his fingers around himself. He grits his teeth, ignoring the flush of heat that creeps down the back of his neck and willing it to stay small enough to fuck you properly.

He looks up at you again, and your scent crashes into his mind, filling every hollow of his blurry mind. You’re already gushing fresh slick, reaching for him to grab him by the face and pull him back down to your level.

He probably shouldn’t have teased you so long.

He lets you tug him against you, bracing his hands at either side of your head to drop his mouth to yours. He laves his tongue affectionately across your teeth, tasting notes of his scent in the lingering flavour of you. The hint of his own musk serves as a pleasant memory from the night before, when he’d poured his scent into every hollow of your body, claiming you as wholly as you’d given yourself to him.

You’re already humping your hips down against his, with his cock pressing up into the crook of your thigh. Katsuki groans long and low into your mouth, fitting one hand between you to bring his weeping tip to the hot gush of your cunt.

“That’s what you want?” He grunts, dipping his mouth from yours, tucking it against the shell of your ear.

“Katsuki, hmmm,” you whine, dragging your hard nipples against his chest. When he doesn’t move right away you whine again, clutching at his back and trying to rock yourself down onto him.

“Alpha, plea-hah!”

Katsuki delights in the way he can still startle you, after all this time. He cuts off your begging by snapping his hips sharply forward, bottoming out in one clean thrust. He’s never pretended to have the biggest cock in the world. But he’ll be damned if you’re not satisfied by it anyway.

“That’s right,” he pants, closing his eyes against the crook of your neck. “I got what you need.”

He pets a hand down your sternum as he straightens up a little, thumbing the tender swell of one nipple. He slides his fingers into the dip of your waist to brace at the curve of your hip, digging the pads of his fingers into your flesh as he rolls smoothly in and out of your clingy heat.

He closes his eyes again, overcome by the feelings he swallowed to tease you earlier. You are still tender and gooey from last night, molded perfectly to the size of him and sucking him forward every time he tries to pull away. Your slick leaks out around the edges of his cock with every push of his hips, and the quiet, satisfied cries from beneath him send pulses of deep affection into the hollows of his chest.

There’s nothing quite like this, the physical manifestation of the intimacy that lies between you. He is the only one who can do this for you anymore, the only person in the world who can quell the trembling tides of your heat.

He’s not gonna last long at all, getting sweet on you in his head like this.

Determined to make use of the time that he has, he slides his fingers into the back of your knee, pushing your thigh up toward your torso until he can reach up and grab you by the ankle. Slowly, deftly, he straightens your leg, gliding his palm down the length of your shin and guiding the curve of your heel into the crook of his shoulder.

“Pretty like this,” he croons without thinking, turning his head and feathering a quiet little kiss to the inside of your ankle. He spies your reaction out of the corner of his eye, a blissful little sleepy smile that paints your warmed features. Affection clutches low and hot in his belly, a feeling he’s only now grown used to embracing. Tenderly, he wraps his arm around your leg, braces it against his chest, and begins to thrust.

He takes up a slow, heady pace, pulling slowly out of you and then slamming forward with a harsh snap of his hips, revelling in the way your body jerks every time. He can feel the breath rattle against his palate as he sucks it in through his clenched teeth, losing himself in the maddening grip of you. It’s woven into the very fabric of him, loving you. He doesn’t have to say it anymore, not when he can practically read it out of your skin. But he’s promised himself, more fiercely than anything, to take care of you.

He promises you in the way he fucks you through this, muscles stretched thin, balls aching. Worn out on a weeknight’s worth of sleep, calling out of work for the second day in a row, undoubtedly leaving you in bed to put together a decent meal from the fridge he’d stocked this time last week, when you started looking at him Like That and he couldn’t even bring himself to dread it.

You clench, shifting your foot against his shoulder and lifting your hips into his. The tight little ripple around the base of his cock shoots all the way to the base of his spine, and with a sharp little grunt Katsuki slips his free hand down your belly, stretching his thumb over your tender clit. He can already feel his knot beginning to swell again, pleasure spiking hard when he traps your clit under his thumb and starts to stroke, making you cry out and tense into him all over again.

“Kat…suki, I’m.. g-gonna,” you plead, like he can’t already feel it happening again. Even your scent fluctuates when you’re about to cum, rippled with a sharp little spice that peters into sweetness all over again when you bleed down from that high.

“I gotcha,” he promises gently, hooking his arm more firmly around your calf. “Come on, baby. I gotcha. Come on.”

He dips his hips as low as he can, paying extra attention to the beginning and end of every thrust, to overstimulate those tender spots that line your entrance. It works, because before long you’re digging your heel into the meat of his shoulder and convulsing around his pounding length and gushing hot slick that drips down his balls and coats his pelvis and smears across the low end of his stomach.

“Fuck.” The word hisses from his throat, his body taking the green light of your waning climax long before his brain clues in. He digs his fingers into your thigh and leans forward, stretching it up toward your chest and lets himself go, shoving his hips madly against yours and milking every cruel draw of pleasure from his own body until his thighs are shaking with the resistance of it. When the ecstasy finally boils over he slams his hips as far forward as they’ll go, squeezing his eyes shut and shooting long spurts of cum up into your belly. Your walls stretch eagerly around him as his knot expands completely, sealing his pelvis to yours.

Finally, he shrugs your ankle down his arm, gently straightening your leg out over his thigh as you catch your breath. He’s a little winded, too, never quite ready for the overwhelming sensations of taking you.

“That’s never gonna get old,” he mumbles, bowing over your supine form to rest his dewy forehead on yours.

You’re still panting hard, but you laugh airily, eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks. His eyes are closed again but he can feel you grinning and it’s too contagious not to crack a little smile. He ducks his forehead away from yours to nose against the shell of your ear, mouthing gently at your jaw and sliding both hands up and down either side of your torso.

“Better?” he asks, sincere this time. And, sincerely soothed this time, you nod.

“Much better.”

He knows you’re telling the truth, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s going to be on you all day. He can’t keep himself off of you when you’re coming down from the worst of it, all sweet and pliable and soft in a way that you most certainly are not for the other days in your cycle. You kick his ass without hesitation, and he loves you for it. But you’re irresistible like this.

“Now,” he grunts, still nosing his way down your neck, tonguing the sweet hollow of your scent glands, “hurry up and calm down. I gotta take a leak.”

That urge hasn’t gone anywhere fast, growing shallow and tight in the pit of his groin. But it’s not urgent. Not when he’s locked so sweetly (and securely) into your relaxing depths.

“You’re the one that needs to calm down,” you retort in good humour, glancing down for a heartbeat.

“Say that again and I might not bother waiting,” he threatens easily. The noise that escapes your throat is enough to make him snort, pillowing his head in the crook of your shoulder as you turn sharply to find his eyes.

“Don’t. You. Dare.”

“You gonna stop me?” He regrets challenging you immediately when you flail instinctively beneath him, wrenching on the base of his knot and drawing a strangled, pained little wheeze from his chest.

“Fuck, I was kidding,” he scolds, pinning your shoulders to the mattress. “Jesus. Welcome back.”

You’re getting your fire back early. Maybe he’s kind of missed it, after all.  

He keeps himself curled over you like that until his knot’s gone down almost all the way, cock softening out of you and letting fresh drips of slick and cum leak onto his thighs. Finally he pulls himself away from you, padding blindly into the bathroom and flipping on the harsh fluorescent light.

He braces one hand on the wall over the toilet as he relieves himself, still half-hard and wavering on his overworked thighs. After he’s washed his hands he wagers a look in the mirror, turning his back and twisting to look over his shoulder and examine the damage.

He goes back to bed smirking, thinking of the long, angry scratches while the memory of their infliction is still fresh.

You are already half-asleep again when he finds you, so he just pulls the sheets up around your shoulders and drops a kiss to your temple. You’re going to want coffee soon, and you’re going to need breakfast. Neither of you have had a proper meal in longer than he’d care to calculate.

When he steps into some undershorts and eases into the open space that makes up the rest of your apartment, he opens the kitchen windows, since you’ll want fresh air when you come out to join him. He’d stopped by the bagel shop on the corner by the agency the last time he was there, leaving work early to come home to you, because he knew you’d want fried eggs on your favourite sesame bagel when you were finally coherent enough to crave food again.

The routines that make up his devotion to you aren’t the things he learned about in health class. They weren’t written down in the books that were unceremoniously shoved at him after he’d presented, nor did the details of your post-heat care list appear on any neatly packaged powerpoint presentation.

He’s picked them up slowly, the hard way, by messing up over and over and over again. They’re things he never even realized he knew about you, until he looks down at his hands and he’s flipping his own egg every few seconds to keep it from browning but leaving yours in the pan to get crisp around the edges.

It feels good to know you so deeply. Even when, sometimes, the flipside is still a little too vulnerable and scary. Even when he’s still harsh and mean, when he still messes up, when he still catches himself on the edge of fury so often.

You picked him anyway, and he’ll be damned if he’s not going to let that mean something.

[sweetnsour1]

Just imagining Katsuki (or any of the boys really) being so proud and hyped when you finally land a job you’ve been searching for 5+ months to make me feel better 🥰

Long story short, I FINALLY LANDED A WORK FROM HOME JOB TODAY!!! It’s been a long 5 months and I was feeling dejected but I finally got one that pays decent too.

My husband and my cousin were so hyped for me saying how proud they were but when I told my recently turned very religious mom she said “happy for you, is legit??! Praying 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼” and she sent a voice memo asking why I didn’t tell her yesterday when we FaceTimed and kept it a secret. I told her I found out today but I was so excited and now I feel 🫤, like my own mom, that’s all she had to say? Not even a “proud of you”. She said some other stuff too (not sure how comfortable you are talking about religion) but she made me feel like the hard work I put in wasn’t because I did it. Like it was already determined for me because she was “praying for me this whole time”.

Idk I could say more but I’m gonna sleep and pretend the boys would be super stoked for me and wouldn’t discredit the hard work I put in myself 😌💖

Sweet baby bubs 🖤🖤🖤

That’s exciting and I’m so proud of you! It is HARD to keep trying for months. I relate to this so hard, but let’s keep this about you ;)

“Of course you got the fucking job.” The arms that he had snaked around your waist when he walked in the room tighten. He had waited patiently, chin on your head while you finished your call with your mom. One of the only times he would fall silent rather than defend you, knowing that if he were to join in on the “conversation” that had been echoing through the room…he wouldn’t be able to hold back and you would be the one paying the price for his lost temper in the end. You leaned back into his chest, but said nothing…remnants of your initial excitement flickering feebly after dealing with the suffocating nature that was your mother.

“Proud of you.”

His words tickle at the side of your neck as he peppered kisses from your ear to your collarbone, releasing tension you didn’t realize you were still carrying from the short but seemingly endless phone call.

“Also the idiots are dragging us out for dinner to celebrate.”

You laugh, knowing exactly which idiots and exactly which restaurant because this wouldn’t be the first time Katsuki’s friends bubbled over with excitement for you. Their reactions were always so spastic in their affection and support, while his was steady and unchanging. He was the foundation that their rough hugs and shouts of praise could stand on.

And you…you were the reason he had sent a rare message in the Favorite Idiots group chat in his phone hours ago, after you had called to tell him the news first. He was always eager to share how amazing you were with the people that…annoyingly enough…mattered to him the most. He knew that they were as much your family as he was. He knew that Kirishima’s bruising hugs left you happy although gasping for air. He knew that Kaminari’s shouts and dumb fucking jokes made you giggle…although dunce face needed to learn to keep his fuckin’ hands to himself. He knew Mina’s weird ass public cuddling made you look embarrassed and smothered although you never pulled away.

He just knew they could help fill whatever gaps he couldn’t, so if it meant getting 54 extra stupid messages and having to herd a few drunk heroes into Ubers and guest rooms later tonight…he’d gladly let them ruin his night so he could save yours.

[pbandjesse]

Today is the best that I felt in a week and a half. I still have a cough but most of my exhaustion seems to have passed. And that is nice. On this eve before my birthday.

I slept okay last night but it was rough waking up. James had asked me last night if I was going to wake up at 7:00 and go to work with them or sleep in the extra hour. And I woke up in the middle of a dream when my alarm went off at 7:00 and was just like nope. I need that extra hour. And went back to sleep.

When I got up for real I got washed and dressed and made the bed. And checked on sweetp. He still seems to be doing good though I think he's very fat right now. I'm worried that he's swollen but I pressed all over him and he doesn't seem like it's bothering him at all. So I continue to hope that he is okay.

I left here and went and got breakfast. There was a lot of traffic on the way in but I was still on time so it was fine.

And the museum was great today. I was very excited to get to tell everyone about my excellent interview yesterday. And we have a new person who is a older woman. Younger than our old guys. But an established adult. And she's great. She would go with John on tour and then would be with me for the cannery.

And we spent some time talking this morning. And it was a really good way to start the day. Talking to her and John and just poking around. Having a good time.

Our school group walked to the museum, which always surprises me. But when they got there I brought them all inside and we got them all split up. And it was great.

I did not notice that they had gotten there early though. So once we were split up I just took my group and went to do my tour. And right after I introduced myself Jessica comes over and she was like you have 15 extra minutes. Oops. I didn't even think about it. I was just go go. So I gave the longest cannery intro I've ever done. Honestly maybe a little too long but it was okay. The kids were really excited. One of them had been to the museum a bunch and already knew a lot of it so he was able to also make them excited cuz he was excited to share. And I have them all do things like carrying the cans and really got into stuff that I don't always get to get really deep into. It was great.

And the rest of the tour was really excellent We did the machine shop they want to see everything. We even had a couple minutes in the middle to check out the car. Which I think helped a lot because we have been standing still for so long.

And once the tour was over I felt really good about everything and I took them to lunch and went to sit down and have a break myself.

I had my sandwich and just kind of played on my phone. I didn't bring any of my sewing stuff to finish the backs of my embroidery because I wasn't entirely sure how I was going to approach it. But that's fine.

The cannery went great. The new woman's name is Rosia. She's very nice. And I spent the intro of the cannery running her through the whole program and everything that was going to happen. And I kept telling her I know this is a lot that I'm throwing at you but you will get it and please don't quit. And she thought that was very funny. And the cannery was really good. The kids were super engaged and they were a lot of fun. Was having a little trouble with my printing presses but the green one is working a lot better than it was. The black one was embossing the type but not putting ink down and I don't even understand how that's possible. But it's fine.

After the cannery I did some oysters upstairs. Showed Rosia how to clean them and how we set them up. I made some cans as well. We have a new can form because the new lids are slightly smaller. But they fit so much better in the conveyor belt thing we have for sending them downstairs. So hopefully we don't have them get stuck all the time anymore.

I got to show off some of my wedding photos to Rosia as well and she was making a big fuss in that fell really nice. I feel like I haven't shown people our wedding stuff in a bit and it's nice to be able to show them off to a new person.

I sat downstairs with James for a few minutes and talked to Jessica. And we talked about the three new people she's definitely hiring in the two she's probably hiring. And she told me to not feel bad about taking other jobs and other hours because she's not going to be as strapped for people anymore. And that made me feel a lot better. Jake had gotten back to me this afternoon that he was going to send my interest to the groups that I had told him I was interested in working with. And we'll see what happens.

I didn't realize it was going to rain today. But it was raining really bad. I was having some issues with my sinuses when I was sitting down and I found that taking a walk for a minute helps a lot. So I took a little walk around the museum and stopped to tell Mike what I was doing and he said that if I wasn't too busy that I could look for any water on the ground. Because our roof tends to leak. And I did find a spot in the garment loft that is possibly bowing down. So I went to find Phil to look at it and we ended up talking for like 15 minutes about taxes and all that kind of adult stuff. He's really fun guy.

And then I talked to James and decided that I would come back for them since I didn't want them to have to bike in the rain. And I would go spend some time walking around the thrift store because I had a coupon.

I drove out to value village and I had a great time looking at all the purses. I didn't buy a purse because I do not need a purse. But I really loved that I was able to find four very bad fake coach bags. And one real one. I considered buying the real one because the leather felt really good but I don't need another coach bag. And I didn't really like the buckles that were on the strap so I decided that I would be responsible and not buy it.

I mostly have fun looking at the weird stuff and picking things up and poking around for an hour. And then I looked at the dresses and I found two that I really liked. One that's like Grecian and fancy and one that's a sweatshirt material t-shirt dress. And I feel very good about my two purchases and I spent less than $20 because I had a coupon and everything was good.

When I left it was still drizzling but I headed back to get James. I waited in the car for a little while until they were done and then we drove home.

When we got back here James made hot dogs for us and I would go and work in my studio fixing some dresses that have been on my to do pile. Some buttons need to be reinforced in a seam that had been torn. And once I did that I had some spaghetti. And James had to get on their podcast because they're going to have a special guest that they were really excited about. And I jumped in to starting to line the backs of my embroideries.

It took a really long time. Originally I thought I was going to put down pieces of fabric and having to iron them but then I realized that I could just pin them directly. With the folds on the scenes and I had to cut the fabric a few times to figure out exactly how to fit it all together but in the end I'm really happy with it. Took me two solid hours to hand stitch all of these backs on because I could not figure out how to do it on the sewing machine without the stitching showing through the front. And then once I was done all the backs I decided to line the entirety of the pockets because I thought that the weight would work better. And so I did make the pockets on the sewing machine and then hand stitch them on to the jacket. I started at around 5:30 and I finished around 7:30. It was a lot of fun honestly. I don't hand sew as much as I used to. Not counting embroidery. So it was a lot of fun too have this project and now it's completed. I feel really happy about that.

Once I finish that I show James and they finished their podcast pretty soon after that. And then they had another call for their little book club which I think is so cute. And I have been in bed with sweetp since then. I think now though I'm going to get up and go take a shower. I'm going to wash my hair so that I have clean hair for my birthday. Which is tomorrow. I can't believe I'm going to be 32. I have been saying I am 32 for like 3 months though so it doesn't feel as big but I have completed 32 years of life and that is pretty cool. We're about to start 33!

I hope you all have a great night tonight. Sleep great. I will see you tomorrow!

[uwuwriting]

Denki, Dabi and Bakugou in a secret relationship

Request: hii!! i loved your post about the secret relationship being exposed and i was wondering if you could do the same for dabi bakugo and denki - anonymous

Um this was supposed to go up yesterday, I had queued it but tumblr decided to just deleted. Oh well. I hope you like it you guys even though its a day late. This was fun to write. Love ya. 💖💖💖

rules

warnings: some sexy times mentions, fluff

Kaminari Denki

-Kaminari is an idiot.

-I don’t even know who you’ve managed to keep your relationship a secret.

-90% sure the whole school knows and just pretends to be oblivious. 

-Anyways.

-It kinda bothers him that he has to keep it a secret. 

-He wants to scoop you up and spin you around in the hallways, hug you after a really rough training session with Bakubro, kiss you when you are being extra extra cute. 

-Plus he wants to brag to the other idiots for getting a girlfriend first. 

-But alas he respects your wishes and tries to keep it all under wraps. 

-Your parents are pro heroes and have warned you about the dangers of dating since you are their kid. 

-Villains wouldn’t hesitate to threaten you with your significant other if it means they’ll get to your parents. 

-So now Kaminari is stuck sneaking in your dorm late at night only to spend a few hours with you and give you as much kisses as he can fit in the little time you have. 

-Surprisingly he has kept it a secret for almost a year now. 

-No slip ups, no marks on his skin after a spice night, none of your clothes could be found in his room whatsoever.

-Apart from his usual flirty nature towards you, there was nothing that could indicate that you two were an item. 

-Now being in your third year, things had gotten rather serious with your hero works.

-Most of you if not all had been working along side a pro hero for the last year or two but that didn’t mean they would take you in after high school. 

-Every student had to wait for the acceptance letter from the agency or an agency in general and they would be set for their hero work after school. 

-You had been working with a hero agency since your first year and you were pretty happy. 

-But the pro hero you had been with decided that after you were done with your hero studies, he would retire leaving you with no agency to boost your career after school. 

-Kaminari was as devastated as you were.

-He tried comforting you as much as he could, extra hugs and kisses, more snacks and movie nights, anything to help you cope with the fact that you would be back to the starting line once school was over. 

-He hated seeing you cry. 

-Then the unthinkable happened. 

-Mt.Lady was a well known hero and one with a desired sidekick position that no one seemed to really fill. 

-You had just helped her stop a major villain attack tricking the villain and capturing him before he could do any real damage in the area. 

-To say that Mt.Lady was impressed was an understatement. 

-She contacted your hero agency and asked if you had already signed a deal with them.

-You can see where this is going.

-When you got the notice from Mt. Lady’s agency you were over the moon and so was Kaminari. 

-He was so happy that the person he loved the most was finally getting what she deserved. 

-He had dragged you to the janitor’s closet to give you his personal congratulations, catching the attention of a certain red head.

-He kissed you like there was no tomorrow, his arms keeping you as close as possible, flush to his chest as he peppered your face and neck with feather light kisses. 

- “I’m so proud of you babe!”

-You tried to keep your giggles on the down low to no avail since Kaminari’s goal was to make you laugh. 

-For a long moment you didn’t care if someone found you, you were so happy and so comfortable in Denki’s arms that you didn’t want to leave the closet and go back to your hidden lives. 

-Then you saw the light coming from the door, getting ready to lightly scold Kaminari for leaving the door open when you made eye contact with Kirishima......and Mina ..... and Sero..... and somewhere in the far back with a pair of ruby red eyes.

- “Babygirl is everything alright?”

-He hadn’t seen them yet, then he followed your line of vision and the man has never yeeted you out of his arms faster in his life.

-Your friends just stared at you in complete shock for a full minute before Bakugou broke the silence. 

- “Oi you own me ramen Kirishima.”

Dabi

-With this guy I’m not surprised that you managed to keep it a secret. 

-Oh no no no.

-I’m surprised you managed to get him into a relationship.

-It wasn’t easy though you would give him that. 

-You were part of the LoV of course and well you didn’t really take any of their shit. 

-The only person you respected was Kurogiri and that was borderline pity. 

-He had to babysit a 20 year old killing machine with issues, many issues, many many issues. 

-When Dabi approached you with his signature flirty and I-only-do-one-night-stands-babygirl attitude, you being the idiot that you are took the bait.

-The LoV knows of yalls nights together but they only thought that that was it.

-Dabi slept around and you were a really attractive person. 

-Plus they knew you both were bored so sex was, to their eyes, the only solution. 

-What they didn’t know though was that Dabi was starting to catch feelings and soon enough he hated seeing you remotely talking with another human being. 

-Then that fateful mission happened and the deal was sealed. 

-You were spying on Overhaul and his lackeys, hidden in his underground lab watching as they went around doing stuff.

-Then you heard a childish scream and it was the first time Dabi saw fear flash in your eyes. 

-You turned around following the source of the screams absolutely ignoring Dabi’s protests and threats. 

-It was like you were in a daze and Dabi felt the terror sink his claws in his throat as you passed by so many of Overhaul’s members nearly getting caught. 

-When you reached the glass door that led into Eri’s experiment lab, he saw the color drain from your face and your knees buckling. 

-He caught you before you hit the floor dragging you away from the lab door despite the fact that you clawed at his coat to put you down. 

-He felt his shoulder getting wet and that’s when he saw the tears that were falling freely down your cheeks. 

-He had managed to calm you down long enough to convince you to leave before you got caught but luck wasn’t on your side when one of the lackeys spotted you. 

-Dabi was a few feet away from the exit, becoming reckless at the sight of freedom not noticing the masked individual pointing his gun at him. 

-You noticed though. 

-And you got in the way, pushing Dabi to the ground as the quirk cancelling bullet pierced your side leaving you to fall to the floor with a grunt and a strangled pained moan.

-The next few minutes were a blur.

-Dabi didn’t remember how he got you out of there or how he was now on a rooftop with you pressed flush against his chest as the affects of the bullet made you tremble. 

- “Shh doll, shhh. I’m here I got you.”

-He knew your trembling was not entirely because of the bullet, he saw how your eyes glassed over at the sight of Eri back in the lab and he knew that this had something to do with your past. 

-He used to get the same glassy eyed look on his face when he would see Endeavour on the news shortly after his “death”.

-Things changed after that. 

-He didn’t take you to the hideout that night, he brought you to his apartment where he helped you clean up your wound and calm down. 

- “I know it’s not my place to ask but what the hell to you happened back there?”

-When you explained what you’ve been through and how those screams brought back things you thought you had long ago buried, he was left gawking at you. 

-For some weird reason he believed that you were just a brat who ran away from home on some rebellious whim. 

- “Ugh what am I saying? You don’t give a damn! Why did I even-”

- “Touya.”

- “What?”

- “My real name is Touya, I-I wanted you to know.”

-Sharing a heart felt night analyzing your past trauma with someone you sleep with is one way to get yourself into a relationship.

-You both agreed to keep it secret and you did keep it like that for a long time, a very long time. 

-The LoV never truly found out. 

-Some had their suspicions sure, Mister Compress had even made a bet with Toga but you two never gave them any further hints apart from the constant paired up missions you went on. 

-The only one who knew was Kurogiri. 

-He had caught you two spending the night together on a rooftop, all cuddled up together your hands intertwined as you looked up at the stars. 

-He was getting back from an emergency snack run when he saw the familiar glow of Dabi’s blue flames and your characteristic giggles. 

-He never said anything and when Dabi came to him to ask for some pregnancy facts, he knew that he truly loved you. 

-No one ever knew and no one will ever know. 

-Unless the run into you two in five years while you’re out for a walk with your son. 

Bakugou Katsuki

-Sparky sparky boom boom man is a lil bitch.

-Don’t try to argue you know that too. 

-You just need to accept it.

-His way to approach you was by insulting the living shit out of you before making you reach the tip of an anger fit. 

-He knew how to press your buttons and it made you fume. 

-You had to give it to him he was hella attractive and his true personality shined through his faced at times. 

-And so did his worry for you.

-You got together after his kidnapping. 

-He suffered from nightmares after the incident and one night he came to your dorm, trembling and cold sweat running down his spine. 

-He had no idea why his feet led him to your room, he just knew that you were now wrapping him in a fluffy blanket and putting on a Disney movie as you hugged him so so tightly. 

-He slept over and the next morning he confessed. 

-Actually you both confessed but those are useless details. 

-In reality it wasn’t even a confession with words. 

-You both woke up facing each other, your noses touching and I don’t know who leaned in first but next thing you knew you were kissing his hand cupping you cheek while the other intertwined with yours. 

-Keeping your relationship a secret with this one is easy. 

-He is still being a lil bitch to you and you are still sassing him back.

-Behind closed doors he is kinda sweet and caring not a lot though because even with you he has to uphold his reputation. 

-After some time though he calms down and is a cuddle bug. 

-Like he will tackle you on the bed the moment you close the door to his dorm, restricting any movement until he is satisfied with the cuddles. 

-Baby even said ‘I love you’ first awwww!!

-He was so shy about it. 

-Anyways.

-That’s a story for another time. 

-He doesn’t really care about keeping it a secret anymore. 

-He’s low key tired of hiding. 

-Much like Kaminari he wants to kiss you whenever he wants, hold you and hug you till you can’t breathe after he gets back to the dorms after a rough patrol with his hero study. 

-But oh well the cat isn’t out of the bag yet and you being third years now you couldn’t really do something about it. 

-You spend so much time with him that you would think that some of your classmates would like sniff you out. 

-But no.

-They all dumb af.

-You would spend a lot of time with him and the Bakusquad since your first year so they just think you’re really good friends. 

-Todoroki kinda knows but he doesn’t at the same time. 

-Some mannerisms remind him while he was in a secret relationship before Momo found out but then he sees how Bakugou treats you just like any other person so he is really confused. 

-More confused than usual. 

-Now you got outed by the man himself. 

-Bakugou is not good with jealousy. 

-Jealousy and Bakugou should never go hand in hand.

-You were talking to Mina in class, leaning on the desk behind you. 

-Your skirt had ridden up show casing your thighs making Bakugou think back to some noises you made a few nights ago. 

-If he got hard he would blame you and he would be extra pissy. 

-He was enjoying the show though. 

-He watched you like a hawk.

-The way your body leaned back making your legs straighten and flex slightly or how he could see the hickey he had left right at the base of your neck the other night that you’ve tried to cover with make up. 

-He could see it because he knew it was there, to an outsider everything was normal. 

-He was jolted out of his daze by Mineta’s voice. 

-And the sound of your name on his lips. 

- “Look at Y/N’s thighs! She could suffocate me with those legs and I would thank her!”

-Kirishima smacked him upside the head trying to shut him up. 

-Kaminari was slowly escaping the scene because he saw the small sparks in his friend’s hand at the comment. 

-He chose life. 

-Mineta though didn’t stop. 

- “I could lose myself between those legs. Oh the noises she must make.”

-Now what happened next is a huge question mark. 

-The end result however was Mineta almost being blasted out the window and into space and Bakugou almost popping the vein on his forehead. 

-You had to get in between them and try to calm down your boyfriend. 

-Most of your classmates had long forgotten Mineta and his whining and had zoned in on your hands on Bakugou’s chest or on his arm that had wrapped around your waist in an attempt to push you behind him. 

- “You ever dare speak my girlfriend’s name I’m blasting you to the next dimension.”

- “Katsuki please calm down it’s fine.”

-Legit you both forgot that your relationship had been a secret for the past three years. 

-You floated back into reality when Present Mic himself asked. 

- “YOu TWo aRe aN iTeM?????”

-Chaos ensued and a crap ton of explanations. 

TAG TEAM AY:

@iwaqchan​ @the-arcana-fan-fic​ @angelwritings​ @axerrri​ @reinyrei​