#OF COURSE she would slow down and specifically play with her little sister

[mozart-the-meerkitten]

CW/TW- Pet Death

So last night I asked for prayers for me and my parents because we'd had a really rough and emotionally trying day. I will now explain. This is, unfortunately, also a Kitten Update on my Bengal kittens, so if you've become emotionally invested in them and aren't up for reading this right now, look away and come back to it another time. Or just don't come back to it. Alright, disclaimer over, you've been warned.

Alright, I'm going to keep this as succinct as possible to try and limit how much I end up crying.

We took the six girl kittens to get spayed yesterday.

Tulip, the littlest kitten, Leeli's runt, had a heart condition we didn't know about. It's all but invisible, there are barely any signs and there is no way to know it exists without special tests being done which we never even thought to do because we had never had an issue with it before and we have had Bengal cats for a long time.

They put Tulip under anesthesia and during the procedure her heart just... stopped. They did everything they could to revive her, they gave her CPR, they gave her epinephrine, but it didn't work. She died.

The vet said she likely had a heart condition where the heart walls thicken and it takes more and more effort then for the heart to beat. My mom looked it up and usually by the time symptoms are visible the cat only has 3-6 months to live. There is no cure, all they can do is slow it down/improve symptoms.

I realized, and shared with my parents, that Tulip was already showing symptoms. She always tired out before the other kittens, she slept more than them, when she was littler she'd come and fall asleep on me because she knew I'd keep other kittens from pouncing on her. Two days ago I'd left Madia and Tulip in my room for maybe 10-15 minutes and they were waking up from a nap, so I assumed they'd be tearing around when I got back. They were curled up on my bed again and I thought that was odd, but...

But Tulip was little, she was the runt, there was no reason to question these things because they're not uncommon behavior for runts (being smaller they have less energy/stamina). And she was as fiesty as any Bengal kitten we'd ever had. A few days ago I saw her attack Farid, her brother, who is over a FULL POUND heavier than her, and start beating him up. She gained weight, she ate well, she acted like a normal kitten!

She was already showing symptoms at 4-6 weeks old, maybe earlier. 3-6 months to live (usually) after symptoms show up. Her heart stopped when she was 4 months old.

It was basically as if we'd had her put to sleep. She felt no pain, she didn't even know. She just fell asleep.

There was no happier kitten in existence than Tulip. That little baby would purr like a MOTOR if you were in the ROOM with her, not even if you were holding her, petting her or playing with her. She just purred ALL THE TIME. She was such a sweet little bug that you couldn't get mad at her. All she knew was happiness and love, and like my mom said, there aren't many cats or people that's true of. She had the happiest kittenhood, the happiest life that any cat could ever have. Her siblings knew that their baby sister needed extra TLC so they made sure to always snuggle around her, Madia went slower so her baby sister could keep up, they loved her, they loved her, they loved her.

Tulip was going to die soon, we just didn't know it. At least this way, God gave us some answers and reasons as to why. I told my mom yesterday that this was simply her span of days, and it was short but very bright.

I named her after a spring flower. Tulips have a short season and then they fade. Tulip's season was short but vibrant and full of life. And when I thought about it today, about if I would have rather had her just not be born alive so I didn't have to go through the grief of losing her after I'd known her...

I couldn't imagine a world where I hadn't experienced that baby's life. I'd do it all over again. Her span of days was short but bright and I was with her every day of her life. I was her forever. And I loved her and I loved her and I loved her.

This was not my fault, I did everything right, I have no regrets. Sometimes things happen that are out of our control. She would never have lived long, but I gave her the best life any kitten could ever have.

Tulip is buried in my Hideout, in the Gnarled Forest, next to Dora. There is no higher honor I could give her than that.

All the others kittens came thought surgery fine and are recovering.

[sincerelyneo]

will you be reposting the jeno fic you had on your old blog? it was my fave 🥺

here it is <3

fireproof | l.jn

“‘cause no body saves me baby the way you do”

💿now playing: fireproof by one direction

❯ summary: Your brother Jaemin loves throwing parties when your parents aren’t home — but you hate it. In an attempt to escape the loud music and sweaty bodies you try and head out. But there’s no way your brother’s best friend, Jeno, is letting you wander around the streets so late.

❯ pairings: jeno x fem!reader

❯ genre: smut, brother’s best friend, college!au

❯ words: 8.4k

❯ tags: 18+ minors dni!, smut, masturbation, minor mentions of drug use, drinking, marking, slight protective brother jaemin, begging, spanking, mentions of marking, unprotected sex (don't do this!), oral sex (m/f receiving), fingering, reader uses she/her pronouns, jeno fucks his best friend’s little sister.

a/n: i changed the title hehehe

This party fucking sucks.

You’re not even drunk. The vodka is watered down, you're sure of it. Your friends ditched you about half an hour ago — disappearing with some of the guys they had been speaking to and seeing. 

"Come to the party with us, they said." You mimic to yourself into your plastic cup. "It'll be fun, they said." 

You scoff taking another swig but pull your face at the awful taste that lingers in your mouth. There are better things you could be doing on a Saturday night, you think. You’re almost positive you saw a new show released on Netflix today. Or better yet, you could be reading some sort of erotic novel that would spice up your Saturday night more than this shit.

But the thing is, this party is at your own fucking house.

Your brother is throwing it. 

Every time your parents go away for one weekend he can’t help but jump at the opportunity to trash the place. You don't see why he can't just have a few of the boys around, have some beers and then call it a night. But no, that isn't exactly Jaemin’s style. 

Of course, he has to invite a bunch of random weirdos that seem to be snorting cocaine off of every surface in this house, and smoking whatever kind of weed they could find. And sure, you’re not impartial to a good night but this... this is not your idea of a good night.

At all.

Sighing, you push through the masses of people, seeing the sweaty bodies that are dry humping one another or eating each other's faces off so much you feel like you’re going to throw up at the sight. 

Stopping in your tracks, you reach into the back pocket of your denim jeans to pull out your phone, seeing that it is half-past midnight. If you know Jaemin — and you did — this was only the beginning of the night. The party is definitely far from over.

Fuck sake.

You put your phone back in your pocket and continue to manoeuvre around the bodies in the hallway. Your stomach growls and you think about how you're drinking on an empty stomach. The only thing open at this time is a Mcdonald's but you don't necessarily want to be that person that sits in McDonald's by themselves on a Saturday night. 

Still, you head for your front door and try your luck at an escape. As you reach your hand out to grab the door handle you smash headfirst into a body. Well to be more specific a chest. A hard chest.

"Ow, fuck!" You lift your hand up, rubbing your forehead.

"Sorry little Na, didn't see you there." You immediately recognise that voice. The deep slowness in which he talks. It’s the only voice that has a straight hotline to your core. 

Yeah, you couldn't ever forget that voice.

You stop rubbing your head and slowly look up, following the lines of his muscled chest that you can see through the tight white t-shirt he's wearing with a pair of denim jeans and converse. Yes you had already checked him out tonight, but you’re only human. And when your eyes meet that sharp jawline, hollowed-out cheekbones and those damming brown eyes, you involuntarily clench your thighs together.

You shun yourself because you know you can’t have him. And that’s the reason why you hate him. 

He's your brother’s best friend.

Lee fucking Jeno.

The worst man on this planet. for many reasons like for one he’s insanely hot. Like too hot. Who on this planet even needs to be that hot? But to make it worse he knows he's hot. Girls are always flying off his arm fueling his ego. He's also selfish and arrogant. 

But the reason you hate him the most, the reason you despise him so much, and avoid him at all costs is because of the burning need — it's past being a want it's a fucking need — to just devour him. Every part of you screams out whenever he is in the same room. 

And you hate it.

You have zero control over your words and actions with him — and he knows it with how much you’ve embarrassed yourself in front of him over the years. Your cheeks tend to grow red without your permission, and oh does he love to point that out.

Ever since your brother brought him home in his first year of high school, they have been inseparable — and you’ve been madly in love.

Well, you’re not in love with the boy. You just, you know, want to rip his clothes off. And let him fuck the living daylights out of you.

"Aw, there they are." He distracts you from your thoughts. 

His eyes are burning straight through you. As if he can tell what you’re thinking, how you’re feeling. And right now, you have very infuriating dampness in your panties that wasn't there 30 seconds ago. 

"Those rosy cheeks, are they for me, little Na?" You swat his hand away as it attempts to reach up to caress your cheek or some stupid shit like that.

"Stop that Jeno!” You snap at him, getting angry is your default with him.

It the perfect remedy to keep him away from you, so you don't do something stupid like fuck your brother’s best friend

“Please just get out my way.” 

"Such a pleasant girl, aren't you?" He winks. 

He fucking winks, and your pussy screams in delight. If you were any other girl, you’d be swooning right now. You’d be on your knees begging for it. 

Well, you won't be on your  knees for him.

Ever.

Especially not tonight.

"Just get out of my way, Jeno,” you push him rather hard. 

You knew it wouldn't make him budge if he didn't want it too but he dramatically moved out of your way of the door. You yank it open and dart through onto the front lawn. Halfway down the driveway, a sharp tug on your arm spins you around and you’re  faced with Jeno... again.

"Fuck sake, what do you want?" You shake your arm out of his grip but he doesn't let go. 

You give up, huffing and dropping your shoulders. The two of you are just staring at each other, so much so that you didn't even realise how close you really were. Your chests are almost touching, there is a hair width between you. And due to your height, if you looked forwards you’d be looking at the bottom of his neck, right where you see him gulp before meeting your eyes again. They seem to burn into yours, suddenly growing intense. 

He is the first to look away but he doesn't just look away, no. You watch as his eyes flash down to your lips. Your breath hitches, he sees that and when he looks back to your eyes again, he flashes you a knowing smirk.

Motherfucker. 

"Come back inside." He says as he throws his head to the side, signalling to your house.

"No," you all but stomp your foot.

"You're such a fucking brat, you know that right?" He growls, closing that gap so that your chests touch. There’s an electricity running through you, begging for him. 

"I'm not a fucking brat, I just don't want to be here at this shitty party!” 

You don't break his eye contact, chests still touching. He can sure as hell feel each heavy breath you take and probably every beat of your heart that seems to have sped up since he moved closer.

"Just go inside, go to your room, anything. Just don't fucking leave, your brother would have my balls if I let you go out alone this late at night.” 

You roll your eyes at the mention of your brother. You love him, you really do, but hearing the word brother leaves Jeno’s lips reminds you exactly why he’s even here.

It’s not for you — it’s for Jaemin’s sake. 

"I don't see why either of you care, you've got plenty of booze and girls to keep you occupied to not even notice me gone,” you stand your ground, trying to tug your arm once again but he still won't let go.

However, he has loosened his grip so it isn't so harsh, but it's still locked around your wrist. In fact, you’re sure you feel him drawing little circles on the inner skin with his thumb and that thought alone has you squirming no matter how much you try to ignore it. 

"I think I'd always notice when you're not there," Jeno says under his breath, his face lowering to yours. 

If you didn't know better then you’d think he was about to kiss you. But that can't happen. Can it? 

Everything but your core is saying no. Your whole body is screaming to open up your mouth and say please. But you ignore it — you always do— and try to keep a brave face. But as he gets so close, too close, your eyes automatically flutter shut.

You expect his lips to graze yours but they don't, instead, you feel his cheek against you , only faintly, as his lips skim your ear lobe.

"I think I'd always notice when you're not there because there won't be some childish little brat moaning about not getting her own way." 

Your eyes shoot open as he pulls back, laughing at your flushing cheeks. Your eyes narrow as you finally tug your arm hard enough this time that he has no choice but to release you. 

"I do not moan about not getting my own way and I am not childish nor a brat,” you sneer at him. 

"Sure,-" he huffs, laughing, crossing his arms over his chest. "Whatever you say." 

"Why can’t you just go inside and leave me alone,” you cross your own arms over your chest. 

"No can do." He stands there like some sort of bouncer, you look to your right and see the path only a few steps away. He watches you and says a low, demanding, "Don't." 

But you do it. 

You spin on your heel and run for it. But you only make it two steps before two large arms are wrapped around your waist from behind and you’re being sprung back into a hard chest. Jeno’s one arm sits tightly around your waist, his fingers digging into your hip and you squirm against him. To stop your wriggling, his other hand flies up to grab a hold of your throat, tilting your head back to the rest of his shoulder. 

His eyes flash to his hand around your neck and he takes a deep breath that causes his eyes to flutter shut. Then you feel something growing behind you causing your own eyes to grow wide. He leans forward, lips skimming yours barely. 

“I said don't." It sounded more like a growl than anything and a small whimper escaped your lips. "Are you going to walk inside or am I going to have to carry you?" He whispers still close to your mouth. If you lifted your head slightly, you’d be kissing.

"I'm not going back inside." You sternly reply, he just laughs and his hold loosens on you. 

But he doesn’t free you. Instead he throws you clean over his shoulder in a fireman's lift. 

“Put. Me. Down. Jeno." You scream, hitting his back, but he doesn't listen. Carrying on heading back inside your house. 

Your cheeks are bright red and you stop your attack on Jeno’s back and decide to clench his shirt in your fists and hide your face in it.

"What's going on here?" You hear Jaemin’s voice and your head flies up.

"Your sister tried to escape," Jeno says laughing, bending down to lower you to the ground. 

When he stood back up, you were so close your bodies touched again, your breasts rubbed against his firm chest and your nipples stiffened. His eyes glanced down to them and they darken, then he looks to you again and grabs your shoulders, spinning you around to face your brother. You automatically lifted your arms up and over your breasts to cover the obvious arousal.

"Come on Y/N, you know you can't be walking around aimlessly at night." Jaemin chastises you.

"I'm not a child Jaem," you roll your eyes with a shake of your head.

"So what? Grown ass people still get kidnapped!” 

You groan, I'm going to my room." 

You push past him and head towards the stairs. You turn around seeing Jeno’s smug face knowing he’s got his own way about you coming back inside.

But you won’t give him the satisfaction. You’ll  just sneak out the window and have your perfect escape. He won't know. 

Not like he’ll come to check — right?

You spin on your heel as you hear the sound of footsteps following behind you. Jeno’s there, eyes locked on your ass until he sees you looking back down at him and then cocks his head to the side and smiles innocently. 

“What are you doing?” You spit. 

"Just making sure you actually do go to your room." He flashes his infamous eye smile that has plagued your dreams since you first met him. "And that your windows are locked. Don't want you running away now do we?" he winks at you.

He’s so irritating!

With a huff, you turn around and storm your way up the last couple of stairs, making sure your stomps are extra loud. You can just hear Jeno snickering behind you and that only rattles you even more. When you reach the landing you turn immediately and head to the last door of the hallway and pull it open, stepping inside of your bedroom. You go to slam the door shut but a sneaker covered foot stops in between preventing it.

You immediately roll your eyes and groan. 

"Leave me alone Jeno." You groan, leaning up against the door with your back, pushing it.

"Let me check your windows then I'll leave."

"What kind of request is that?” You sigh, running a hand through your hair. 

"Just let me."

"No."

The two of you enter a stare off — one you both know he’s going to win. And he does, because you don’t even let two whole minutes pass before you’re huffing out a “Fine.” 

He makes his way over to your window, making sure it's locked, then he chuckles, drawing your curtains too. The only thing lightening the room was your bedside lamp that you had an awful habit of leaving on. That, and it was the perfect deterrent to make it look like someone was in there, keeping strangers from having sex on your bed.

“All done?” You ask, breathy. 

He smirks, his eyes flashing to your lips again and you swear to god if he does that one more time you’re either going to kick him in the balls or jump on him and kiss him. 

You force yourself to take a step back and take a deep breath which makes him laugh.

"Well goodnight little Na, don't go sneaking out because I will know about it." He walks off to the door and before he exits you say,

"And how would you possibly know that?"

He looks over his shoulder, his eyes flash up and down your body, "I just will,” he winks then closes the door behind him.

You huff out and stomp your foot like a child. God you needed to grow a backbone and stop letting that idiot mess with you. 

Storming into your bathroom you slam the door shut. You strip off your clothes and turn on the shower. Whilst waiting for it to get up to temperature, you sigh. 

"Let me just lock your windows for ya." You pull a face copying him. "Want me to check that for ya?"

Once you’re done in the shower you climb out of it and dry yourself with a towel. 

"He's so fucking annoying ugh," you say to yourself as you pull the bathroom door open and saunter into your bedroom naked. 

You don't even check to see if anyone was in there, too busy ranting about him. And when you feel the cold draft of your bedroom it makes you realise you had just walked into your unlocked bedroom naked. Immediately, you covered your body remembering the party going on downstairs; but on first glance, it appeared no one was in there. Still you quickly grab your oversized grey t-shirt from the end of your bed, throwing it on over your head, but skipping your underwear. 

Your room was fairly simple with white furniture, a wooden floor, soft pink bedding, a few cuddly toys. The bed lies against the far wall, opposite the door and you leave your lamp on to have a little bit of light to help you sleep. 

Trying to fall asleep you flip over so your back faces the light. You try a few different sleep scenarios but everything keeps going back to Jeno.

And the way his hand gripped around your neck. 

You flip over again, keeping your eyes shut, yet, Jeno just waltzes into your mind continuously. Like he won't leave you alone. You feel so much anger coursing through your blood, yet you have this strange pulling into your core. 

You need to give attention to it — so you do. And as soon as you slip your hand under the covers, the fantasies start rolling in. Jeno’s arms around you, grabbing at your waist, your hips, your ass, your breasts.

Your breath hitches.

His tongue in your mouth, along your skin, tracing your neck and stomach, then between your folds lapping at you. Your eyes shoot open as you clench your thighs together and immediately feel the wetness.

It was just too much to ignore. This wasn’t going away. You already knew that. 

You just needed some relief and then you’ll be free for the night. Jeno never needs to know and it’s not like you haven’t done this exact same thing before over him. 

Your right hand finds your centre first, sliding between the folds and instantly feeling the slick wetness there. Slowly and sensually, you begin moving your fingers in a circular motion. Eyes closing instantly, flashes of Jeno now being played before you.

In your mind, it was no longer your hand but his. Rubbing your clit, sending shivers down your spine and causing a small panting moan to escape you. 

Your left hand begins clutching at the sheets and as you feel your nipples peak and rub against the soft material of your shirt, you have no choice but to swiftly move your hand up and under to take hold of your own breasts and squeeze. You moan again as you begin to work your fingers faster over your clit.

Now in your head, Jeno stood before you shirtless. Seeing the ripples in the muscles of his abs, he flexes his arms, making you grow weaker. But you always felt like this whenever you saw him shirtless at the pool, or the beach. 

And you couldn't deny how fucking sexy he was — you wouldn’t?”

"What’re you thinking about?" 

You pause instantly, back arched, orgasm growing close and eyes squeezed shut. You can't decipher whether that voice was in your head or in real life so you just grow still and relax, trying to pretend it didn’t happen. 

Your breathing which was already heavy, grows even more so, this time with panic and worry. You don't want to open your eyes, scared of what you might see because you recognised that voice.

At least, you’re really fucking hoping Jeno’s voice is all in your head, because you’re seconds away from orgasm.

"I asked you a question." 

Your eyes fly open. He’s definitely not in your head. 

Ripping your hand away from your clit, you pull the other away from your nipple and force yourself into a seated position with your hands splayed behind to hold you up. You scream on instinct, he doesn't so much as flinch as he stands at the end of your bed. 

His eyes are dark, head low and looking up at you through his lashes. He has that smirk on his face, and his hands are fidgeting, rolling his fingers against his palm. Your eyes roam his body as your scream continues and you wish you hadn't, only because your scream turned into a moan as you spied his hard erection pushing against his jeans.

You gasp and look back at his face. 

"What're you doing Jeno?" You whisper-shout, even though the party downstairs would make it difficult for anyone to hear you anyway. 

Still, you didn’t want any party goers walking in on a flustered you in bed with Jeno and his very large, very prominent erection, standing at the base. 

Fuck. It's so big. You can tell from how it's breaking at the seams of his jeans to be let free. Your mouth waters at the sheer thought of his dick — wondering what it looks like, how it feels in your hands, in your mouth — how it tastes. 

Fuck no. Absolutely not. 

You shake your head, trying to rid the thoughts and ignore the fact your core is pulsing right now, begging for one last touch so you can explode into orgasm. You really fucking needed it.

"I asked you what you were thinking about?" He says lowly, and it causes your breathing to still.

“H-how long have you been standing there?" You whimper. 

He shrugs, “That doesn't matter, what does matter is-" he moves his head up, looking you dead in the eyes as he cracks his neck and then his fists in each hand. "-What you were thinking about whilst touching yourself? Was it me?" 

He smirks again and you stood up, throwing the duvet off of your legs. 

"Not a chance," He says sternly. You look at him again, face paling. 

"What do you mean, no?" you ask, cocking your head.

"I mean don't you fucking move-" His tongue came out to lap at his bottom lip as his eyes moved down your body, down your legs. 

You instantly went to grab the duvet again but he grabbed it first, ripping it from the bed and throwing it across the room. You get down on all fours, crawling to try and get it before him. 

"Jeno!" You exclaim, reaching your hand out for it but it was too far away. You look up at him on all fours, and from this angle... God. You gulp. 

"Give me my cover."

You try to wash away every fantasy of being in this position before him but you can't ignore the way you need his hard cock, seeping at the tip and begging for you to lick it, to suck it. 

Stop. No. Not now.

His hand comes to the side of your face, pushing a piece of your hair behind your ear and you shiver at the touch. 

"Lie. Back. On. The. Bed." He commands.

Your eyes flutter shut for a moment and then slowly, you move to follow his command until you are back down on the bed. You keep your legs closed and hands on your stomach. 

You weren’t sure why you’re listening to him — obeying him . But something in you, some instinct is just screaming at you to let this play out, see what he wants.

"Touch yourself." He says and you blanch, your eyes growing wide and you sit up again, but one stern look from him has you lying back down again. "Touch yourself and tell me what you think of, how you feel, tell me everything Y/N."

Your name. He never bothers to call you that. Usually emphasising how you’re his best friend’s little sister with the nickname he’d given you. But honestly, you’re thankful for the nickname because hearing your actual name from his lips, all nasally and sensual, sends you spiralling. 

It makes you putty in his hands. And as for your hands? Well, they slowly spread your legs wide revealing your soaking wet cunt to him. You keep your eyes pierced on him, watching how his breath hitches, eyes glued to you. The way he automatically grabs his cock through his jeans and squeezes is like a reflex. Closing his eyes only briefly before they're back on you, on your core. 

You feel yourself growing red, the heat of embarrassment consuming you whole as you slide your hand down your stomach. As soon as your fingers make contact with your clit, your hips are bucking off of the bed and your back starts to curve. Building up your arousal doesn't take long. You were already half there, teetering on the edge. 

Except this time your eyes lock onto Jeno’s for real whilst your fingers are moving, soft moans leaving your lips. You spy his own hand on his cock, he hasn't pulled it free but he moves his hand back and forth over his shaft. You can see the way his arms tense as he moves and watches you.

You throw your head back with another moan. Seeing him stood there isn't enough, you need something more. You need him climbing on top of you, replacing your fingers with his. His hot breath against your neck as he rubs you harder and faster. 

"What are you thinking about?"

"You." You say breathily.

"What about me?"

Your eyes shoot open to stare at him, he looks tense and flustered. Just as bad as you. His hand stops moving on his cock and you make a mental note that he might've been close. Too close. And this might be over too soon.

"Your fingers on my clit, rubbing me," you throw your head back as the fantasy flashes again. 

"Yes, and what else?" He growls. 

"Your mouth." You breathe again.

"My mouth, huh?" He bites and your fantasy continues. 

"Yes. Everywhere." You cry out, orgasm seconds away. "Your mouth on me, about to- God, Jeno I'm gonna cum,” your back arches, hips bucking, fingers moving so fast and rough. 

"Look at me." Your eyes fly open at the command. "I want you to cum whilst looking at me."

And you do. The sheer dominance radiating off of him is the final straw that has you crashing down. 

Your orgasm rips through you as your hips lift so far off the bed. You moved your fingers through your orgasm, riding it out but finally, your hips fell back to the bed and you let out a heavy breath.

Before you could even open your eyes again, you felt two large arms wrap under your thighs gripping your hips, and suddenly you’re yanked to the end of the bed. Your eyes snap open, and your head lifts up as you spy Jeno on his knees at the end of the bed, his mouth centimetres from your dripping pussy.

"J-Jeno,” you mumble, just the sight of him has you moaning. 

You’re not sure if getting yourself off in front of him was the moment you both decided to cross the line; but now him manoeuvring between your legs, you knew you definitely had. Regardless, you know now you aren't ever going back to the dynamic you had before. 

"I’m gonna make those fantasies come to life baby.” 

He doesn't miss a beat. His tongue comes out and swipes a long lick up and through your folds. All common sense leaves your head as you fall back against the bed. 

"God, you taste so good. I fucking knew you would." 

He’s thought about this? You know you have. 

He repeats the motion again, this time focusing on your clit, making sure to run a smooth stripe along it, circling it only slightly, enough to have you wriggling. One of his hands splays over your stomach, holding your hips down. 

"I want you to cum on my tongue. I want to taste every drop of you,” you gulp, looking down at him between your thighs. You don't miss the dark pupils in his eyes and that daring look, the one telling you to follow his instructions. 

"Jeno, oh my god,” you cry out, your head flying back as his mouth attacks your clit. He sucks it in, flicking his tongue all over in a frenzied motion. 

You know he knows all the right ways to make a girl squirm. And you are fucking squirming. All over the fucking bed, you’d be breaking free from him if he didn't have his large veined hand holding your stomach down. Your stomach is now on show. Your t-shirt has risen up to just below your breasts and you see the way his eyes watch the movement as you move about, tits bouncing around.

And as if he can hear your thoughts he says,

"Take your top off." 

You do it without question, lifting the hem and throwing it over your head. Now you’re laying there completely naked. His hand that was on your stomach comes up and takes hold of one breast, instantly taking your nipple between his fingers and you hear him, no you feel him, moan into your pussy. 

The vibrations cause you to cry out, hands knuckling the bed sheets. 

"You're so fucking hot Y/N, God." He murmurs before attacking you again, his mouth working wonders.

And that tongue. You’re so close. You can feel it. 

Then you feel as he slides two fingers into you. Jeno curls his fingers inside of you, hitting some sort of sensitive spot, and as soon as his fingers massage that area inside you and his mouth returns to your clit, you explode.

You don't even know if the music downstairs would cover your screams as you fell into ecstasy. His hand on your breast doesn’t  move, but the one that had been hooked on your hip moves to splay against your stomach holding you down as he laps at you, riding you through your second orgasm until you couldn’t take it anymore. He pulls his fingers out, then his mouth away from you at just the right time.

You lay there spent. Completely. 

Eyes fluttering open. Jeno stood between your legs looking down at you. His cock looked painful in his jeans. You had once felt exhausted and ready to fall asleep but as soon as you saw his erection you shot up in your seat. You immediately fumble with his jeans until his hand comes to your jaw, pulling your head up to look into his eyes. He stares for a moment before blinking, taking a deep breath.

"You don't have to- I didn't do that for you to-"

"I want to. I want this." You nod eagerly,"I want you.” 

You lick your lips and it's as if something snaps in him, that moment of care vanishes and he lets go of your chin.

"Well then, suck my cock,” he says, standing there and you do as you’re told.

You unfasten his jeans, pull them down and then his underwear. His large erect cock springs free instantly and without a second thought you take hold of him in your hand. Your hands look tiny against his dick. 

You move your hand slowly up and down his cock, and notice how his thighs tense, then his stomach and you follow your eyes up until you meet his face. His head is hung low, eyes dark and hands clenched by his sides. Keeping your eyes on his, you lean forward and spy the precum, flicking your tongue out and taking it in to swallow down with a moan that makes him grunt. 

You moved so that your face was closer to his balls, then you stroked your tongue all along his length, and felt the way he flexed beneath your muscle. There’s a cocky smirk covering your face when you move back to the top and suck his tip into your mouth.

"Do you like sucking my cock?" He asks, his hand threading into your hair to start pulling on the roots to yank your head backwards. 

"Do you like it when I suck your cock, Jeno?" You flip the question with a smile the power in your hands. You continue working him and he flexes his hand in your hair.

"That's how you wanna play?" He grins at you.

You pretend to think for a moment, "I’m not playing anything." You move your head closer down his length, licking  another long stripe hearing how he curses under his breath and thrusts his hips towards you. "I just want to suck your cock." 

With that, you take him into your mouth, sliding down until you reach your limit. You can't take him whole, he’s way too big for that, but you take what you can. He coughs and splutters a bunch of inaudible words, but you just pull back up and repeat the motion, continuing to take him back into your throat. 

His hand stays threaded in your hair, keeping a rough hold so that you can't pull away — not that you wanted to.  

You love every second. Even as you feel him tensing, his hips moving as he thrusts into your mouth. You look up through your lashes to see his head thrown back as he moans out and hisses every so often when you drag your teeth along his cock. You can tell he likes it as the precum coats your tongue. That and the way he doesn't tell you to stop. 

"Do. That. Again."

And you do, watching his head fall forwards."Such a pretty sight, my cock filling your mouth. What do you think your brother would think about this?" he smirks and your face falls pale.

You almost stop sucking his dick but he doesn't let you, slamming his hips forwards so his cock hits the back of your throat.

Your brother.

Not a thought you want to think about right now but it is something you needed to consider. This was his best friend. You’d finally gotten the man so forbidden, always out of bounds. The whole time you didn’t know that he wanted you as much as you wanted him. 

You moan uncontrollably, and it must send vibrations along his cock as you feel it twitch in your mouth, his thrusts become sloppy and his grip on your hand grows tighter. 

"Fuck, Y/N, I'm gonna cum." He grits out. "Are you gonna let me cum in that pretty mouth of yours?" 

You look up at him. You can't speak so you try to nod. 

"God, you’ve always been the death of me," He thrusts several more times as you slide your tongue all over his length and tip. 

You do it a final time as you take him to the back of your throat, gliding your teeth along him which must've been his undoing as you felt the hot steaming cum splatter against the back of your throat. 

You pulled him out your mouth slowly. Even as he is softening he is still thick and large. You kitten lick the tip as he hisses, causing him to loosen his grip in your hair and you sit back, making sure to obviously gulp so he knows you swallowed every last drop of him. Leaning forwards, his hand comes to your chin and he moves his mouth so close to your you think he might kiss you but instead he says,

"Good girl." 

You hate the way those two words made you clench your thighs together. You thought the two orgasms were enough but no, you’re ready for more. You need more. 

He’s quick to remove his shirt, and as he lifts his arms his abs flex. You are point-blank gawking at him standing before you, making him smirk. 

That snaps you out of it. Remembering you are sitting here, soaking wet and naked before him. You crawl back on the bed and then realise you have no duvet so you have to pull your knees to your chest and cross your arms over your knees to cover yourself. 

He watches you, laughs and then shakes his head. He then moves, shoving off his jeans and underwear the rest of the way off until they both land on the floor.

"Wh-What are you doing?" You ask stuttering, thinking he should actually be getting dressed to leave.

"What do you think I'm doing?" he asks. 

Can't he ever just give you a simple answer? 

Then you notice how his cock has sprung to life again and his hand moves to touch it. Moving up and down the length as he cracks his neck.

"You're h-hard again?" You stutter, eyes glued to the impressive size of him. 

"I'm always hard for you baby." He winks and for once, it didn't make you want to punch him. 

"Jeno, we can't." You shake your head.

 You’re already way past the line. Sex would destroy the whole scale. Still, the idea of him, his cock inside of you, whispering filthy things in your ear... it isn't something you can ignore. 

"You want it." He says point blankly. 

You gulp and remain silent. He moves onto the bed, kneeling and then crawls towards you until he is over you. His hair has fallen over his eyes — so fucking hot. "I know you want it, why try to deny it?" He cocks his head to the side, smugly.

"I-I'm not." You fidget. 

“Yes, you are." He ducks his head low, burying it in your neck. You feel his warm breath and your heartbeat rackets so loud. "You don't want to want me to fuck you,” His teeth graze your neck, sending you into a panting mess as he sucks and bites. 

He then pulls away and laps at the mark you know is there, the one he put there as a reminder tomorrow when you come to your senses that you did this.

"So I’ll ask again. What do you want?" He looks down at you, plump pink lips swollen and wet from his constant licking and biting them. 

You’re going to let your brothers best friend fuck you. And you’re going to love every second of it.

Not wasting another moment longer to think, you grab hold of his neck and lift your head whilst pulling him to you to smash your lips together. There’s heat, fire, and explosions of electricity. 

Your hands claw at his neck, his back, his sides. Anything to pull him closer. His crotch, his hard cock, grinds against your soaking hole and you groan out whilst continuing to kiss him. Both so desperate for each other. His hands skim down your body, kneading your breasts, your hips. He grabs hold of anywhere and everywhere. 

His lips detach from yours, giving you a moment to see how swollen they are before they're attacking your neck. He peppers kisses along your jaw, not sweet kisses but hard and sloppy kisses. Sucking and biting the skin causing your back to arch into his chest, pushing your breasts against him, making him moan. He thrusts his hips forwards, his cock sliding between your folds, hitting against your clit making you quiver.

"Fuck, we really shouldn't be doing this." He continues kissing you down your neck, reaching your collar bones that he also decides to leave marks on. 

"Jeno please," you cry out. Both of his hands move to your hips to hold you still. 

"Please what baby?" He smirks before moving lower to take one of your nipples into his mouth.

"Fuck Jeno,” you cry out as he flicks his tongue over the bud, biting it harshly so you cry out again then soothing it with a soft warm suck.

"Please what baby?" He repeats. 

"Fuck me. Now!”

"And what about your brother?" he brings him up again and you roll your eyes. 

"Stop bringing him up," You moan as he takes your other nipple into his mouth, repeating the process.

"He'll kill us if he finds out." he grins.

"Then he can't find out," You pant out of breath as Jeno moves.

His face is so close to yours that your lips are only just touching, his chest is pushed against you and his cock sits lodged between your folds. You try to shift to gain some friction against your clit but his grip holds you still. His eyes flicker across your face then he says,

"I won't tell if you won't?" His lips caress yours in the faintest of movements. You flick your tongue out to wet your lips, but in the process he bites onto your muscle making you wince then moan, "What do you think, huh?” 

There’s no room for discussion — your body won’t let you. 

"I won't tell if you won't."

He doesn't miss a beat once he gets your approval. His lips are on yours as his hips thrust forwards. His cock thrusting inside of you, tearing you open as you pull your mouth away to cry out.

"Holy fuck."

He stills once inside you, making sure to push as far as possible until his pelvis meets your skin. Your legs wrap around his waist instantly.

"You feel so fucking good." He breaks from your kiss to breathe. "I always knew you would but this-" he looks down to where you are connected and he thrusts further, trying to get deeper but he can't possibly. "-this is better than anything I could've imagined." 

"Move, please." You grunt trying to lift your hips to encourage some movement. His eyes fly open, dark and daring. 

"Beg me." He smirks and does a tiny thrust, a teasing thrust.

"Fuck off,” you pant, trying to do it yourself but he uses his hips to pin you to the bed.

"Beg." He smiles and cocks his head to one side. "Me."

You hated his arrogance. But fuck, you want him so bad. So badly that you will beg.

"Please fuck me, Jeno." He pulls out of you and you suck in a deep breath.

"Again." He grins now. 

You can't bear to look at him but looking down means watching as he holds just the tip inside of me.

"Please. Fuck. Me." You pant, half moaning, begging for him. 

He thrusts so hard into you, you wince and moan out in pleasure. He hit so deep inside that you’re sure you’ll bruise.

"Anything for you, Y/N,” he whispers in your ear before sucking and biting on the lobe. 

Then he's pulling out and thrusting into you. Again. And again. And again. Harder and harder each time. Faster and faster. You lose your breath, becoming a big ball of pants and moans — just like  Jeno.

God, the sounds he makes. You’ve never heard someone so vocal before, but fuck it's hot. The small grunts he makes when he fucks you, the groans when you clench around his cock and feel yourself building. He moves his hands under your ass to lift it, plummeting into you from a new angle, going so much deeper.

"Your pussy is so tight. Fuck,” He says between thrusts, and gritted teeth. 

He seems to have found a weak spot right under your ear that has you clenching like mad around his cock. And he loves it. 

"How have you just been there in front of me this whole time? How have I stayed away from you?" He seems to be asking himself because he doesn’t press you for a reply. 

He removes his lips from your neck and sits back on his heels, his cock still inside of you, slowing his thrusts and he lifts your legs up, moving them over his shoulders. His head moves from side to side, placing a soft kiss on each ankle and for one second. You’re dumbfounded as he looks at you, a daring smirk written across his face. 

He wraps his arms around your thighs, locking your legs in a straight position against his chest on either side of his head, and then he begins pounding into you again. However this time, he moves one of his hands to your centre, his thumb moving closer to your clit. You feel how it grazes your nerves. He strums it once. Twice. Three times then you're wriggling around like a mess, back arching off as your orgasm tears through your body and you explode into euphoria. Again.

He rides you through it, fucking you as you clench and squeeze around him. A string of curse words come out of him, you feel him so close but he doesn't cum. He stops stroking your clit as you batted his hand away, you didn't realise you had been clenching the sheets with white knuckles until you relax your hands and feel a cramp in your palm.

Jeno slows his thrusts until he stills inside of you, his chest is moving up and down with each of his heavy breaths. You move your legs off of his shoulders, enjoying the movements as your legs feel strained too.

But as soon as your feet hit the bed, he grabs you and flips you so you land on your stomach. He pulls your hips up and slides into you again.

"Fuck!" You scream as he slams into you unapologetically. One hand holding your hip, the other trails along your back as he begins fucking you from behind. He leans over you, still ploughing, and comes closer to your ear.

"I always wanted to fuck you like this, you are always strutting around showing off, your ass? Do you like teasing me?" 

You don't even know what you like right now. Mind too focused on needed Jeno to fuck you any way he pleased. 

He grins, then shoves your head back down into the mattress, straightening his back and fucks you harder than you think you’ve ever have been before. You couldn't keep up with the movements, head a complete daze from all of the orgasms that he had given you.

You come to a conscious mind when a hard slap lands on your ass, it makes your pussy throb so he does it again, and again, rubbing over the area and soothing it before doing it again. Each time it makes you clench around him. 

"Jeno," you cry out between thrusts.

"Yeah, baby?" His voice sounded so much deeper, which told you he was close. That and the way his thrusts grew random and unstable.

"Want you to cum in me," You moan, clenching the sheets again. 

"I'm not wearing a condom," He grits through his teeth. 

"I'm on the pill,” you manage to say between heavy breaths. You needed him to cum in you now. 

He shakes his head, "Last thing I need is to get my best friend's little sister pregnant." And that was that because he thrust a few more times, then pulls out, and instantly, all over your ass and back you felt a hot liquid splatter about. 

As soon as his grip left your hip you fell straight down onto the mattress, and your body was thankful for it. Everything hurt. He'd destroyed you. Fucked you, well and truly. And you couldn't stop the smile on your face.

"I'll go get a cloth." He said through some heavy breaths then climbed off of the bed and went to your bathroom. He emerged a moment later, used the warm cloth to clean up his mess although you notice him take a minute to look at it.

"Admiring your work?" You asked him through a laugh, he looked at you and shook his head chuckling. 

"Trust me, if I could take a picture I would,” he wipes it away. Then he returned to the bathroom to throw the cloth in the hamper but as soon as he stood in the doorway of you heard three loud knocks on your bedroom door. 

"Y/N? You in there? Have you seen Jeno?" 

You shot up in bed, suddenly not tired or spent. Jeno’s eyes grew wide too.

You lifted your finger to your lips and gestured to Jeno to stay in the bathroom. He didn't hesitate as he shuts the door. 

Jaemin would fucking kill him and you, without a doubt. Only moments ago you had his best friend’s cum covering your ass. 

"One second," you shout,  jumping out of bed and grabbing your T-shirt. Then you rush over to the door, paint on your best sleeping face and yawn whilst opening it. 

"Oh, you were asleep?" Jaemin stood on the other side, hands braced on either side of the door frame.

You fake another yawn. He looks behind you and you turn too, fearful Jeno was standing there but then you spied your duvet cover on the other side of the room. Jamein frowned and looked back to you. 

"I was hot." You shrug. 

"Shit sorry," He quickly says. "I just can't find Jeno anywhere.” 

"He’s your friend not mine.”

"I don’t understand why you two hate each other," He rolls his eyes and you can't help but scoff at the irony. 

Hate wasn’t exactly the word you’d use for the guy that was just 8 inches deep inside of you. 

"Well, he's probably off getting high or fucking some girl.” 

“Better not be in our parent’s bed again,” he huffs, and your eyes go wide. “Fuck, he better not be doing it in my bed either,” he says to himself. 

And with that, he storms away heading for his room. Chuckling, you shut the door and Jeno emerges from the bathroom, a towel now wrapped around his waist and he stands there facing you. 

"That was close."

"Too close." You sigh. 

He dresses himself as you climb back in bed, getting your duvet back on and covering yourself with it. He walks over to the door and pulls it open, peeking outside to check the coast is clear, then once he does he turns to look over his shoulder at you.

"Our secret?" He says.

"Our secret." You nod and he steps out, not looking back and shuts the door.

You lie back on your bed, head falling into your pillows and laugh. 

But then you shake your head processing it all, moving your hand to cover your mouth, looking at the ceiling. 

You just fucked your brother’s best friend.

[inez-winchester-cameron]

"First Period"

↠Pairing: Dean and Sam Winchester x little sibling!reader (afab)

↠Summary: Dean and Sam help their little sister out as she experiences her first period (FLUFF)

↠Notes: reader is around 14, really late first period lol

-

Dean and Sam had raised you, their half-sibling, since they were twelve and seven. John had dropped you off to them one day, explaining that you were from a hook-up he had and your mother wanted nothing to do with you. So from that day forward, Dean and Sam took care of you. It was rough but they managed. 

Dean had known something was off since lunch, he just didn’t know what. After devouring your meal as you always do, you started complaining of your stomach hurting. Like the supportive brothers they were, they stopped at the gas station and grabbed you some medication but nothing seemed to be helping. You guys were still a good ways away from where you needed to go, nearly four hours. So you just suffered in the back of the Impala, holding your stomach while listening to Dean’s rock music. 

You shifted uncomfortably in your seat after a bit and felt something wet. You raised an eyebrow and looked down, moving over to see what you had sat on. Although it wasn’t visible on the black seats, you felt the wetness and lifted your finger up, discovering it was blood. Your eyes widened and you quickly looked at your body. Your jeans were absolutely soaked in blood, right on the crotch.

Being raised by two brothers with minimal education, didn’t really allow much time for “the talk”. Sam had minorly explained what a period was a few years back, but he didn’t get specific details, as he had been interrupted. It was then forgot about, why would they even remember something like that? Due to your limited social interaction with other kids, you had barely heard any talk of periods, pads, tampons, etc. You were a little panicked, looking at the blood and at your jeans.

“Umm,” you mumbled, and Sam glanced back.

“Y/n? Why’re you out of your seat? You should have your seatbelt on.” He turned back and his eyes widened at the giant stain on your jeans.

“S-Sam, I think I'm bleeding…” You mumbled. 

“You’re ble- what!?” Dean exclaimed, looking back. Dean slowed to a stop, pulling over. He then looked back to and his eyes also widened, “Aw fuck.”

Sam picked up on your panicked expression and quickly gained his composure, “You’re alright, Y/n. It’s just your period.”

“My- my period?” You asked, taking a minute to process.

“You didn’t give her the talk?” Dean questioned.

“No he did I just-” You defended the younger brother, “I just didn’t realize it would be like- this. Ummm..what do I do?”

Sam had briefly explained not what it was, but not what to do about it. Your face burned in embarrassment. Sam reached out and gently touched your knee while Dean pulled back out onto the road, “You’re okay, Y/n. We need to stop for some supplies okay?”

You slowly nodded, unsure of what he meant. You waited patiently, anxiously as Dean pulled into the next convenience store. Sam and Dean both went to get out, “Wait-! Can one of you stay?”

Sam smiled gently, “Of course. Dean, why don’t you head in?” Dean’s eyes widened, he didn’t know shit about periods. But he didn’t want to stress you out more, so he nodded and headed in. 

That’s how Dean ended up standing next to a random twelve year old in a convenience store. Dean stood there, hands in pockets, looking at what they had. The twelve year old, embarrassed, and too afraid to grab her pads in front of a random grown ass man, stood there as well. The two stood there for an embarrassingly long amount of time, waiting each other out. Eventually the girl’s mother retrieved her and grabbed the pads. Dean watched what she grabbed and grabbed the same exact ones. He then looked at the tampons. He ended up deciding on a variety pack of those. He played it cool at the register, pretending he wasn’t embarrassed to be buying feminine hygiene products. 

He eventually went back out to the Impala, getting back in and handing them to you, “There you go.” Sam glanced at him, silently wondering what took so long but Dean just shrugged. You looked at the boxes.

“Don’t worry about the tampons for now, just go into the bathroom and put a pad on your underwear, the sticky part goes in the middle, and the wings will fold onto the outside,” Sam explained, knowing his fair share of information from dating Jess. You nodded and went to do so, coming back later, “All set? Don’t worry we’ll get you new clothes as soon as we get to a motel and can find a store.”

You nod and set the bag to the side. Dean pulls out onto the road, glad this whole situation was over. Eventually you piped up from the back, “Hey, how do the tampons work?” Sam went to answer and glanced at Dean, smiling a little at what he was about to do.

“Don’t worry, Dean will explain that one to you later.”

[mouthfullofmunson]

Pest Eddie x pest reader :)

Eddie is obviously a pest, like we’ve talked about before

But y/n on the other hand

Well, basically Eddie’s twin

Poking at his ass while he lays next to her, making little jokes about pegging him and he just turns to look at her with wide eyes “stay away from my ass”

But he of course does appreciate a little slap to his ass though

Slow motion punching him in the face when he does something stupid

Barging in on him when he’s peeing and walking up to him “can I hold it?”

“Get out?!”

Y/n calls him in the middle of the night, wakes him up in a panic “Eddie! Eddie! Oh my god!”

“What?! are you dying?!”

“I can’t sleep.”

“Jesus Christ, Y/n! I was sleeping! I was sleeping good, too!”

“I don’t care.”

“What do you want?”

“I said I couldn’t sleep! Are you not coming over?!”

“No!”

“Why?!”

“Because it’s late!”

“Whatever. Don’t bother coming over this weekend then.”

“Oh fine but I fucking hate you.”

He will just walk into her room absolutely uninvited and start jumping on her bed “come on! I’m bored! Come out with me! We can rent a movie or something? Come smoke a joint with me.”

And when they are smoking together y/n blows the smoke in his face just to annoy him since he’s playing his guitar

And if he annoys her too much he will take the joint away from her and not pass it back to her

Omg

Anytime her head is even close to his lap he’s instantly moaning loudly and extremely dramatically

He’ll do it randomly when they are having a movie night and she gets sleep so she rests her head in his lap but all of a sudden he’s moaning

Then she grabs a newspaper and swats him in the head with it

And sometimes she babies him, and he actually hates it, because she can hardly ever be serious about it

Cradling his head to her chest “my little baby you’re so cute.” Kissing his head and pinching his cheeks “I’m literally older than you you’re so stupid leave me alone 🙄”

“Well, if you would’ve graduated on time!”

“What does that have to do with anything?!”

“Well, we would’ve never met and I wouldn’t have to deal with you.”

And she steals his clothes 24/7

He calls her anytime anything is missing because he knows Y/n had to have taken it

“Do you have my pair of boxers?”

“Be more specific shitface. What pair?”

“My green and blue plaid ones, idiot. Why are you taking my damn boxers?”

“Cause they are comfortable.”

“Give then back”

“No”

“Give then back!”

“You can go commando.”

“You go commando”

“Don’t ever say that to a lady”

“Come on y/n give me my boxers”

“Fine! I won’t wash them either so you can sniff them or whatever you do in your free time you creep”

And sometimes when she comes back home from a shift at work or school bc Eddie skipped that day she walks in to see him nosing in all of her clothes, one of her shirt on, one of her pairs of nice panties over his jeans, putting some of her hair products in his while he lathers on her lotions and such

She just stands there so confused “how the fuck did you even get in my room Eddie?”

“I climbed through your kitchen window”

He calls her kid just to annoy her

“I’m two years younger than you don’t act like in your little sister or something”

“I wouldn’t be sleeping with my sister”

“Why would you even say that…”

And when they are all lovey dovey of course one of them has to get annoying

If they are cuddling Eddie has to slip his ice cold hands down her bra to hear her shriek

And if they are kissing y/n bites his tongue and he pulls away with a yelp “what the fuck would you do that for?!”

“My thoughts took over and I couldn’t stop it. It all happened so fast!”

And when y/n is riding him sometimes he just lets out a very long yell

Like it’s obviously forced and nothing that sounds pretty

It’s just “ahhhhhh!” And then he’s back into it like nothing happened

“Don’t ever do that again or we’re never having sex ever again”

He of course does it again

Or some stupid shit “yeah! Get it baby!” absolutely so unserious

When y/n gives him blowjobs she always jokingly fake bites his dick just to make him nervous

And he will come out of his room where she is sat on the couch just to be wearing her panties on his head as if it was some fashionable headband

Or if he needs to tie his hair up he used her panties

Before he eats her out he grabs her panties from the floor and ties up his hair with it “got to make sure it doesn’t get in the way”

Or before he eats her out he grabs one of the random fast food napkins from a leftover bag he had sitting on the floor, tucks it in the collar of his shirt and mumble “dinner is served”

Eddie would act like he’s going to press a kiss to her cheek or nibble at her ear and he just opens his mouth and puts her whole ear in his mouth

He does the same with her nose

She does that with his fingers, acting like she’s going to suck his fingers

And of course he gets a little excited because he’s thinking it will lead to something else but she just bites down on them

“Oh my god?! Are you fucking hungry or something?! There’s cereal in the kitchen.”

And they fake fight allllll the time

Either fake fighting each other with softly punching each other

Or just arguing

Saying the most random stupid shit

“Oh shut up your the reason I haven’t graduated”

“Well this is like your tenth try!”

“I’m going to kill you, asshole”

“I’d like to see you try idiot. You can’t even walk five feet without tripping over your on big ass feet”

“Well you know what they say about big feet!”

But when they aren’t annoying the shit out of each other they are disgusting

It doesn’t matter who they are with if they are in a group they are in the corner of the room sucking face

So that couple that has to sit on the same side of the booth just so they can cuddle into each other

If they are talking to each other and someone tires to talk to both of them or either of them they are too sucked in to each other to hear anyone else

Okay my brain is kind of mush so that’s all the thoughts I have

Let me know yours

:)

[siriannatan]

Wings

All the games I play keep updating, and I have had a bit less free time recently so my writing has slowed down a bit :{

And I might have some more ZZZ brain rot I need to let out...

Scott was refusing to look up. Why? He didn't need to see fWhip's stupid triumphant smirks. Didn't need to see the bastard sitting on his brother's throne in the Rivendell palace. Scott was fully aware he'd lost the war. But he had no clue where Xornoth might be. Did he manage to escape? But why? He said he would never run away. Did he really leave Scott alone with their old allies? Allies they betrayed. Well, Scott didn't participate in any discussions or planning. He just followed his brother's orders like a good general should. They didn't seem to harm Rivendell.

"So, your brother ran away," fWhip hummed after a long silence of Scott refusing to look at him. All leaders of Wither Rose Alliance were sat in the room but others were so far mostly silent. Scott could hear others shift and huff occasionally even as he stared at the ground.

His knees were starting to hurt from kneeling on the hard stone tiles. Wounds itching from lack of attention. His wings were long stiff in their bindings. Not like it was needed. He couldn't fly away if he wanted to. His true self forced out.

"According to what I know about elven law," Gem, fWhip's twin sister, Headmistress of Crystal Cliffs Academy, spoke up. A shiver of dread ran down Scott's spine. Did she know… "Xornoth can be considered an exile, meaning Scott is now the king," she did know. Of course, she knew. She figured out Scott was a half-dragon even with all the magic he used to hide it.

fWhip hummed. "Is that so," he chuckled and Scott heard him stand up. Followed by his boots on the tile. Then he could see fWhip's damned combat boots. "Then I might have an idea what we can do with Scott," suddenly a warm even through thick gloves hand grabbed one of Scott's horns and made him look at fWhip. "And maybe even annoy the cod lovers in the process," fWhip's grin was far too wide. He was enjoying his plan far too much for Scott. "You were supposed to marry Jimmy for the sake of alliance with Lizzie, no?" he smirked and suddenly seats were scraping against the floor.

"fWhip you better not say what I think you're about to say," Gem suddenly protested. Likely guessing the same thing Scott was guessing fWhip was about to say.

"Why? Isn't it about time I get married? Might as well use it to piss some people off," fWhip laughed, barely glancing at his sister. Scott glanced in her direction as well. She looked pissed. Fists clenched. Pearl hovering nearby. Sausage was just sitting causally. Likely didn't really care who fWhip married as long as their leader didn't turn on the rest of them. fWhip held the most military power in the whole alliance after all. "Come on Gem, it'll be just for politics. Right, fWhip?" Pearl tried her best to stop the siblings from fighting. "Right?"

fWhip stared at Scott in complete silence for a while. "Yeeah, sure, just politics," he hummed but Scott wasn't convinced the other dragon-hybrid was honest. He definitely had other things on his mind. Very physical things. "Make Rivendell a sovereign state to Grimlands, seal it with a nice little wedding so no one can challenge my claim," he added with a nod and a toothy grin.

He was absolutely planning to consummate the marriage. Would likely have some tradition or law ready as an excuse. To justify it to his sister.

Somehow Gem accepted the excuse and a couple of guards soon dragged Scott away. To a room where he was locked after being told fWhip will come and collect him later. Of course, he wouldn't be left alone in Rivendell. Of course, fWhip would be dragging him along to Grimlands. 

At least he wasn't chained anymore. Even if there was no window. Somehow fWhip found one room with none in the whole castle. Sadly it had to be a certain specific room.

Being half dragon Scott was seen as unstable and dangerous when young. He did have an explosive temper back then, yes. But was it the dragon part or the part told off for any, even the smallest, deviation from what was expected of him? The part who got locked in a room with no windows whenever he wasn't hiding his draconic traits. Whenever he tried flying. 

With a deep, shaking breath Scott curled up on the cot. Hiding in his wings like he did as a child when he failed his lessons on hiding what he was. He could not hate Xornoth for escaping. He didn't hate Scott for what he was. Even if did still had to hide it from the public. Even if he was in fWhip's claws. 

So he sat there, curled up. He wasn't crying. Just fighting the urge to hide his wings and horns and tail and scales. To hide it and pretend it wasn't what he was. To push away any memories of being jealous of fWhip and his freedom to be himself. To not hide anything. And he did feel it many times when younger. When his parents brought him to ruler's parties instead of leaving him at home.

He would see fWhip and Gem being normal siblings allowed to walk around together, without their parents constantly around them. He would see fWhip's horns wings tail and scales out in public. And back at home would ask why fWhip could just walk around like that. His parents would just say it was because he behaved well. So Scott tried his best to behave.

But he never behaved well enough. fWhip became this beacon of what he wanted to be. Or at least who he thought fWhip was.

And then he met fWhip. When Xornoth was discussing alliance matters with him. And the reality was different. Real fWhip was a menace and explosion gremlin far too eager to help blast tunnels through the mountains. Looking down at anyone and everyone but his sister. Speaking casually and dismissively even when he wasn't the one sitting on a throne.

Real fWhip was the exact opposite of what Scott thought he was.

Hearing the door open Scott curled up tighter. He did not want to see fWhip. He knew he had no choice. But he could try to delay it.

"Scott? You having a nap?" fWhip asked, painfully gently petting Scott's wing. His hands were bare. Rough from tinkering. "Come on, I didn't have a good chance to really look at you like this. I was honestly quite shocked Gem was right about you. I never saw someone like me before."

Shaking slightly, just the room and memories of it, nothing to do with fWhip he told himself. And glared at the other half-dragon. That had fWhip grinning widely hands instantly on Scott's face. Petting stray, stress-induced scales. Gently petting the base of his horns.

Scott stayed silent. Biting his lips, clenching his fists to not push fWhip away. He didn't need to provoke him. Or to respond in any way. Maybe once his curiosity was satisfied fWhip would leave. He just had to sit and bear with it. No reacting, no pushing away. No snide remarks. 

"What was this room even for?" fWhip hummed as he inspected Scott's left wing.

"Me," Scott said shortly. No annoying fWhip, he told himself.

"Why?" fWhip's hands froze as his attention focused on Scott's face.

"I was put here if I misbehaved," Scott said plainly, wishing fWhip would just drop it. "Wasn't here in a long while," he shrugged, not really caring anymore. 

"Misbehave how?" fWhip continued asking, annoying Scott further. 

He wants to know. Fine. Scott will tell him. "Talking back. Talking when not asked to. Leaving my room with any dragon parts visible," Scott listed off, keeping his voice as steady and monotone as he possibly could. He was quite proud of how calm he managed to sound. And of the expression on fWhip's face

fWhip looked angry as he suddenly stood up. When did he even get into Scott's lap? Suddenly Scott was being pulled up to his feet and out of the room. fWhip growled out orders in Grimlands language and then pulled away. To a carriage. fWhip was muttering to himself all the way. "In, I can't stand this place, I was planning to stay the night but no more," fWhip rambled as his allies ran out to see what was going on. "I'm leaving, it's damn cold here," he told them as he pushed Scott into the carriage. Slamming the door as soon as he had him in.

Scott sat down. Still shocked by fWhip's reaction. Was he angry for Scott's sake or about the situation in general? Not that Scott cared in particular. With a sigh, he glanced out. It looked like fWhip was arguing with Gem. Pearl was likely trying to calm them down. Sausage was just standing next to his sister, looking tired of it all. With a huff Scott sat back and closed his eyes. Maybe he could try to sleep.

The carriage started moving as soon as fWhip got in. Scott didn't open his eyes. Pretending to sleep sounded like a good way to avoid any more questions. fWhip didn't say anything but Scott felt that he sat next to him. Mostly by his warmth. fWhip was half-fire dragon after all. And Scott always had an affinity for ice.   He almost broke the act when suddenly one of fWhip's hand rested on his. It was really warm. But not unpleasantly. And still bare of gloves. Scott did manage to keep pretending to sleep even when fWhip gently tangled their fingers. It almost felt like a loving gesture. Not that Scott knew much about those. Having spent his whole life closely monitored and controlled.

Just sitting in silence with fWhip holding his hand quickly became too awkward for Scott so he pretended to wake up the moment the carriage shook a bit more.

"*yawn* wha..." Scott mumbled blinking and yawning. fWhip quickly retreated his hand. Interesting. Scott thought. 

"Your damn castle's too cold, we're going home," fWhip announced as if they didn't have that conversation. Quickly wrapping himself in his coat and wings. Scott nodded and yawned again, stretching a bit for good measure. "No hiding them," he warned and Scott nodded.

"Does it bother you that much? What I said in that room?" Scott asked, leaning more into the corner.

fWhip was silently staring ahead for a moment. "I don't like not understanding things, and I don't get how can anyone lock a member of their family in a room like that," he huffed, slumping slightly and looked at Scott. Eyebrows drawn together. Face twisted in something Scott couldn't name. "It just makes no sense to me. Why? Why make you hide and lock you in a room?"

Scott shrugged. He was shocked fWhip was so shocked about his childhood. "No idea, I was just put there after being told I misbehaved, and that I should be more like f...." Scott sighed, to him the whole conversation should have been done when he said exactly what the room was for. And barely caught himself before admitting who he was supposed to be more like. Hoping fWhip missed it in his bewilderment.

He did not. "More like who?" fWhip asked, leaning forward a bit.

"Whoever fit them at the moment," Scott dodged the actual answer. That it was fWhip he had to be more like. That would fry his brain with the contradiction.

fWhip hummed, eyes narrowing. "Weren't you about to say a name?" he poked.

"No," Scott shook his head. "My parents just didn't like that I'm a half-dragon so they did whatever they could to squash that," he sighed. He was really tired of fWhip's obsession with the topic. 

fWhip sighed and sat back. "I can see you don't want to talk about this now, I apologize for pushing that hard," Scott was a bit shocked by the apology. Who what this guy? Where was real fWhip? "I... When my traits manifested my parents got people researching it to make me as comfortable with it as possible. Gem's still constantly looking through Cliff's libraries for more info," he carried on. "What I mean is... I know a lot about who we are and if you want to know anything just ask..."

Scott nodded. Of course, fWhip would be shocked if that's how his family reacted. "What do you think I should know the most?" Scott asked, just to satisfy whatever urged fWhip to offer answers.

"We technically have two genders," fWhip said after a short while, cheeks dusted with pink. Scott blinked. Two? "I'm guessing you have no clue what yours is or had first cycle. With how much they repressed that side of yours," fWhip sighed and slumped against his seat. 

"What cycle?" Scott asked, a bit scared of what he might hear.

"Heat in my case since... since I'm an omega," fWhip said the last part pretty fast and quiet. Scott barely caught it. "If you turn out to be an alpha you'll go into rut."

"And the difference is?" Scott could feel his face heating up. He vaguely understood what that would entail. Being incredibly horny. 

fWhip's face was practically matching his hair as he spoke. "I want to be pushed down and taken and stuff. I suppose alpha would be the opposite... And I think you might be one... Dragon side of my brain likes your scent," he rambled pretty quickly.

"Oh..." Scott managed. His own senses felt so dull at the moment. Was it due to constantly hiding? Possibly. "If my senses are supposed to be sharper than a normal person's then I think concealing messed them up," he said, just to swap the topic. Would fWhip, or some part of him, expect his assistance during his heat? More than likely.

fWhip hummed. "That really sucks," he sighed and... sneezed. "Why is it so cold here," he huffed.

"Might be me, I always ran a bit cold. It got even worse with the whole dragon thing," Scott theorised. But as he looked at fWhip, his brain oh so helpfully supplied the thought that fWhip looked quite cute all bundled up. He did try to make some more distance, pushing himself against the wall of the carriage.

fWhip had none of it and cuddled up to Scott. "Take some damn responsibility then," he huffed before closing his eyes. Scott blinked. Was this guy for real?

With a sigh, he relaxed and soon, with the help of fWhip's soft snoring and warmth, also fell asleep.

When he woke up the carriage was not moving. Did they take a break? Nice, his bones felt stiff. And there was no fWhip inside. So he slowly stepped out.

They have stopped in a small space by the mountain roads. He easily spotted fWhip. Bundled in yet another coat. Chastising some of his staff. Yawning, Scott stretched. His wings were rather awkward after this long without hiding. fWhip quickly was done with his chastising and turned. Quickly approaching Scott. He looked angry. 

"You should have waited inside," he huffed out with a puff of smoke. 

"Don't worry, I can't fly," Scott chuckled, stretching again. For some reason, he still felt damn stiff. 

fWhip sighed. "Stretch your wings too," he said, stretching his own. Scott sighed, if only fWhip let him use his concealment he'd be all fine. But mimicked fWhip's movements. And annoyingly it did feel better.

"Is it really that cold?" Scott asked. He himself was fine with just one coat and his uniform. And just then he remembered he was still in his military uniform and with his wounds not checked. "I think we should check my wounds," he said, a bit awkwardly."

fWhip's eyes went wide and he instantly jumped into getting a healer that accompanied them to look at Scott.

With his wounds fixed, and a bit comfier sitting position the rest of the journey was a bit more bearable. fWhip stayed mostly quiet, either sleeping or looking over papers crows delivered to him. Scott asked a few small questions here and there. Like if scales bothered fWhip. They didn't even if Scott was immensely bothered by his.

Once they crossed the border fWhip slept less, bundled up less, and grew touchy. And Scott grew indifferent to fWhip's bare hands on his arms, caressing random scales. And on what fWhip said was the last full day on the road the topic of their cycles came up again. 

"I've been thinking about something," fWhip hummed. Scott learned that the scary fWhip was a mask he put on to be a more respectable ruler. 'being an omega comes with some insecurities' fWhip said when Scott pointed out how much softer he was when they were alone. "About our cycles..."

Scott stiffened slightly. He didn't expect they'd be talking about this ever again. "What about our cycles?" he asked glancing at fWhip. Despite a slowly blossoming blush, he seemed serious.

"Well, I won't force you or anything like that but I think it would be best if we spend it together... Especially you first. I spent mine alone and it was terrible," fWhip said quickly, snappy, to the point.

"Together as in... like have sex?" Scott asked, part of him was freaking excited.

"Yes," fWhip practically squeaked out. His face was redder than his hair. Scott once more thought it was cute. Wasn't he technically a prisoner? Shouldn't he hate fWhip? But how can he with how cute fWhip was? Especially when rambling about something that interested him. Like when he explained his time-telling device. How it told time went totally above Scott's head but fWhip's face as he explained it was adorable.

Finding fWhip cute was one thing. But sleeping with him? Having sex with him? That was another thing. "I'll think about it?" was the best he could offer.

fWhip nodded. "That's fine, I can have a potion that mellows out the effects of it ready but I'm not sure it's a good idea for a first rut... especially considering your unique circumstances," he said, a bit less stiffly. 

Scott hummed and yawned. It was evening, sometime next morning they'd be arriving at fWhip's manor. So he leaned into his corner, relaxed and decided to try and sleep through as much of the rest of the ride as possible. Something seemed to push fWhip to do something he hadn't done before. The terrifying, explosion-loving, half-dragon Count of Grimlands curled up on the carriage bench and lay his head in Scott's lap. At first, Scott was shocked, but then he relaxed again and even started absently petting fWhip's hair. He was mindful of his horns. Based on his own limited experience the base of horns was a rather sensitive area.

The next morning Scott woke up to fWhip gently shaking him. "We there?" Scott asked, yawning, tempted to hug fWhip.

"Almost, just a couple more hours," fWhip hummed, sitting back. He had his usual heavy coat on. He did look really good in it, Scott thought as he yawned and blinked the last of his sleep away. Breakfast not on the road sounded really nice.

"Breakfast at home?" he asked, rolling his shoulders. Hopefully, Grimlands liked sweet things. 

"Sure," fWhip chuckled. "Anything specific? I'll be sending a message for everything to be readied," he asked with an amused smirk.

"Something sweet," Scott sighed. Might as well say it, he really wanted something sweet after rather bland on-the-road food.

fWhip laughed. Confusing Scott. What was so funny about him wanting sweets? "The scary General Scott of Rivendell wants sweets?" fWhip chuckled as Scott glared. 

"All elves like sweets," Scott huffed out in a poor attempt to defend himself. fWhip didn't comment more, instead turning Scott's attention to the views outside.

They were approaching a settlement. Rolling hills were slowly being replaced by fields and small villages and hamlets. It was all pretty nice and expected. Out of the Wither Rose Alliance, fWhip and Pearl's empires were known for farming. But Grimlands was also known for technology, explosives and mining. He could see something that looked like smoke in the distance as well. Could it be Grimlands capital, Eastvale? Possibly, they were going in vaguely that direction.

Another nice thing about Grimlands was... roads. The ride down the mountain peaks on which Scott's people lived was a shaky and relatively dangerous experience. fWhip was already planning on how to improve it. Pretty impressive actually. In Grimlands the ride was smooth over a paved main road through the whole empire. Yes, whole. Now that was really impressive. It had to take so many resources, manpower and gold to achieve. And yet fWhip was casually planning to make something like that up a mountain.

"It's quite picturesque, isn't it? Not what most people imagine an empire ran by me would look like," fWhip chuckled as Scott looked out wide-eyed. And he was right. Scott expected more mines and explosions and less... potato fields? "Grimlands isn't really known for our potatoes anymore. Just wait until you see the train. Sadly Gem and Pearl are a bit apprehensive about me connecting train tracks to them, they say it's a disaster waiting to happen and..."

Scott half listened to fWhip ramble about the absolute safety of his trains. Should he really be enjoying fWhip's voice and rambling this much? Should it bother him that he does? fWhip seemed to really care about his well-being. Not just his strategies, and skill with a sword. That was a nice change from his life so far. So with the slightest smile he kept looking at the rolling fields and listening to fWhip ramble about trains.

Scott listened to fWhip talk about Grimlands and all that changed since he became the Count. It all made little sense to Scott. All he knew about was warfare after all. Their arrival in Eastvale was also something new for Scott. In Rivendell, no one ever greeted him when he returned from campaigns. Victorious or not. Well, he was in a carriage with fWhip so it was him the citizens were greeting. But it still felt nice to see children run out of the nice houses lining the street. Dressed cleanly, some with messy hair. Followed by their mothers. Waving at the carriage. Throwing flowers.

"I wish they'd just ignore my carriage when I pass through," fWhip sighed, pushing as far back into his seat as he could. Scott chuckled. He could at least to himself admit he found fWhip cute. Saying it out loud was different. 

"Become elven Chief General then," Scott joked, still glancing out the window. Some children caught sight of him and stared with wide eyes.

"Scott... Really? You won their wars and no one even thanked you?" fWhip whined, clearly annoyed.

"I was told I did good, just wasn't greeted by crowds as soon as I returned. There were feasts to celebrate too," Scott shrugged and fell silent. He saw the biggest house in town. He knew fWhip didn't live or even have a castle. But his house was still pretty big. And pretty. Dark roof, light walls with dark shutters on the windows. Surrounded by a wall and flowers. And beyond the gate flowering hedges of black and red roses.

"Home sweet home," fWhip sighed as the gate closed behind them.

He wasted no time leaving the carriage as soon as it stopped. Scott following closely. He could fully understand fWhip's excitement to be done travelling for the time being. The staff were outside ready to greet their Count. His council as well. fWhip quickly jumped into being a responsible ruler and started catching up.

"Marriage? With..." one advisor gasped and Scott gave him a toothy grin. Everyone seemed a bit stiff at his presence. So fWhip didn't send a warning that he'd be bringing a future political husband along.

Scott looked about as fWhip argued with the advisors, clearly threatening them. Adorable. When something that could not be a usual occurrence caught his attention in the corner of his eye. He moved before he even fully processed what it was. Blocking a blade aimed at fWhip's throat with a summoned rune blade. The sound of steel clashing with magical ice had fWhip turn around. Eyes wide. 

"Scott!!!" fWhip's shout grounded Scott's brain. He just casually stopped an assassination attempt. And the only thing stopping him from killing the restrained by the guards would-be assassin was fWhip's arms wrapped around him. With a slow breath, Scott lowered his blade. His eyes remained on the assassin as they were being dragged away. fWhip's fast and snappy orders helped him calm down further. Just what has possessed him? "Where did you even get a sword from?"

"Rune knights can summon their blades at will," Scott shrugged, his heart was still beating so fast. To prove it he dismissed his blade and to gently, without really realising it check fWhip for any wounds.

"Stop it, I'm fine," fWhip huffed slapping Scott's hands away. "How can you just... Magic," fWhip grumbled. "Let's have breakfast, I'm hungry," he decided dragging Scott along.

Scott gladly let himself be dragged. Looking smugly at the advisors. Why? He had no clue, just felt like it. The bigger question was... Was his tail really wagging? He'd think about it later. When he wasn't busy staring at fWhip's hand, sadly back in his gloves, holding his wrist.

So busy he barely registered the interior of the mansion until he was pushed into a comfy chair upholstered with red and gold brocade. NIce contrast to dark woods and deep forest greens of the floors and wallpapers. A golden chandelier hung low over a table set with food. The last few maids set tea on it before retreating and leaving them alone. Scott was more than a bit miffed fWhip sat on the other side of the table. And tempted to move closer.

"What was that out in the courtyard?" fWhip asked with a heavy glare.

"No clue. One moment I was just standing there and the next blocking a blade, aimed at you mind you," Scott hummed looking over the food. It was quite a selection. Pastries, breads, cheeses, fruits, meats. And pancakes. And fruit. "As a rune knight I can't really be separated from my weapons," he added as fWhip continued glaring.

"Grand. Anything else I should know?" he asked, angrily buttering up a slice of bread.

Scott hummed. "I can use ice magic, all elves have some magic though," Scott hummed going instantly for the pancakes, whipped cream and berries. "And we all like sweets, Xor's the weirdo who's different," he added at the amused smirk fWhip's frown turned to.

"If you say so," he mused slowly peeling an egg. "Try the powdered sugar," he pointed to a container with a dainty sieve on top.

fWhip was right. He should have tried powdered sugar ages ago. It was amazing on his pancakes. The rest of the food was good as well. Especially everything sweet. Scott didn't expect Grimlands to have good desserts but fWhip's staff shocked him. Well, he didn't expect farmland as well.

"Is us just sharing a room too..." fWhip hummed and stopped, not sure what to name it.

"It's fine by me," Scott shrugged. He really didn't mind fWhip's company anymore. What wonders being locked in a carriage together for a few days can do? "We're getting married anyway," he half-joked. 

"Fine then, I have some stuff to do but I'll take you there, just rest for now," fWhip hummed, stretching as maids cleaned up the table.

"A bath maybe... Though I don't really have anything, you did decide to leave rather suddenly," Scott hummed. Nap in a proper bed sounded really nice.

"Just borrow my stuff for now," fWhip sighed as he stood up. Would it even fit? Scott wondered but didn't mention how different their statures were. "I'll take you to my tailor once I'm caught up on politics," he added leading Scott out the breakfast room - fWhip himself called it that.

fWhip's room was all nice and comfy, a bath as well. But after three days of not leaving it much Scott was beginning to feel a bit antsy. He was allowed to roam around the manor but not to leave it. And to not go to the basement workshop. Just to be safe and calm the council, fWhip said. Scott really didn't feel like a prisoner. Maids and kitchen staff were more than happy to provide him with cookies and drinks whenever he asked. He read a lot in fWhip's library. 

On the seventh day, Scott woke up feeling a weird warmth in the pit of his stomach. He instantly sat up to look for fWhip. Just to ask if it might be a dragon thing... like his rut.

fWhip was already up, struggling with a robe. Smelling really nice, his brain supplied. "fWhip... come back to the bed," Scott asked, instantly forgetting any and all questions he had. He had the biggest urge to just stay in bed with fWhip. Cuddling.

"Are you sure? I think my heat started, I don't want to force you if you..." fWhip mumbled, he sounded like he was in pain.

"Just come here... I think my rut's started too, I feel weirdly warm and want to cuddle you specifically," Scott confessed. Anything to get fWhip back in the bed. "Like really warm," Scott added, removing his sleep shirt. He was warm and it felt uncomfortable on his damned scales. And there were more of those than normal.

He missed fWhip giving up on the rope and just getting back into the bed. He didn't miss fWhip' hands on him. Gingerly tracing scales as he slowly cradled Scott's face. "Is it okay if I want you to kiss me?" the count asked but was already guiding Scott closer to his face. 

Scott was not in the right place to overthink so he just kissed fWhip. It was messy, rushed and inexperienced. And maybe Scott's first kiss ever. But it was the best first kiss he could ask for. Especially with fWhip instantly clinging to him, hands in his hair. Scott's hands around fWhip's waist.

Their kissing was interrupted by a knock on the door. fWhip whined hearing it, Scott growled. "One moment," fWhip grumbled, giving Scott a small kiss on the cheek and after wrapping himself in a blanket went to request their food is brought to them and that they be otherwise undisturbed for a few days.

 Scott could not tear his eyes off of fWhip. Growing strangely irritated with every second there was no distance between them. With whoever fWhip was talking to taking a whole lot of time to leave Scott left the bed, wrapped himself in a blanket and sneaked up on fWhip. "fWhip..." he whined just slightly as he wrapped himself around the count as well as he could. Glaring at the guard and advisor who dared take up fWhip's time.

His glare was enough to have them apologising and bowing and leaving while assuring everything would be handled while fWhip was indisposed. And Scott finally had fWhip all to himself and a good excuse to touch him a whole lot.

[freshlyrage]

Running Like Water

Chapter 4

whats playing: Querida by Juan Gabriel

pairing: Javier Peña x OFC (written as xReader)

fic warnings: Explicit Smut (18+ MDNI) language, strained family relationships, mentions of drug abuse, discussions of insecurities and body image issues, daddy and mommy issues, first few chapters are flashbacks to high school, they WILL NOT be explicit just fluff.

fic tags: Best friends younger sister, Life-long crush, Friends to lovers, Unrequited love, slow burn, Push and Pull, Small Town Dynamics, Secret Relationships, latina MC, Fluff and Angst, OFC!Jessica Alba face claim, sorry Lorraine I'm bringing you into this, Time jumps, 2 year age gap, pre-canon

A/N:  Lets pretend that Querida by Juan Gabriel was out in 1980, listen on apple music it says "1976" although thats definitely wrong. Anywho.... this is a special one.

word count: 9k (forgive me)

In April your mom agreed to host her home for pre-prom activities. Letting Javier and Frankie get ready in Frankie’s room. Lorraine and Genie getting ready in your room. You prepared your room to have your guests, your bed perfectly made and your embarrassing posters rolled and tucked in your closet. Your frilly pillow meticulously placed in size order, large in the back and little ones in the front. They hadn’t known that when you slept you pushed them all on the floor.

You sat crisscrossed on the bed with a magazine on your lap, your beige room contrasting the bright colors on their dresses. Mama made you dress up too, she wanted to get you in on the pictures. Obviously, you didn’t look as glamorous as the girls adjusting their breasts in your long mirror that had small images tucked on the border.

Purple and short for Genie. Blue and shiny for Lorraine.

“Javier has a hotel room for us tonight-” She lifts the top of her dress. The shoulders had a puffy padding with a princess waist. The sun from your window reflecting off the metallic color. You bit the inside of your lip, jealously was in your nature. Especially when it came to Javier. You don’t think you will ever get used to being so close to his very serious girlfriend. Leaning back against the headboard as you watched the older girls look so pretty.

You look to Genie, her dress was very similar to Lorraine’s but was shorter accompanied by a large bow at the lower waist. She cut bangs specifically for this night, it framed her soft features so well. “You guys have had sex, right?” Genie asks. You unwittingly hold your breath waiting for Lorraine’s answer. She was leaned over, looking in the mirror with a makeup brush frozen near her cheek at the question. You watch as her smile grows into a proud grin in the mirror. Genies eyes widen and she pushes her over.

Lorraine groans, “You’re going to fuck up my makeup.”

“You whore!” Genie giggles and they both were in a fit of laughter. Was me being silent and listening on awkward? Fuck that, I mean they were in my room.  

Her proud grin doesn’t leave, “and he’s … oh my god he’s so good!” she nearly yells, her eyes shutting from embarrassment. Your cheeks flush red as you pretend that April 1980’s Vogue was the most interesting piece of literature at that moment. "I mean I was a virgin when I met him but like theres no way it gets better than that."

You always wondered. Always have, but it feels so wrong finding out this way. You also kind of knew, almost all of your friends were already having sex-of course Javier and Lorraine would be. Watching his girlfriend get ready to go to prom with him. Your own very “dressed down” dress itching your legs. It was halter style-something you've grown accustomed too over the years-black with a drop waist. They giggle back and forth. Before Lorraine turns to you, “You’re a virgin, right?”

“Duh!” Genie speaks for you but then looks to you worried that her quick response hurt your feelings- “Like not saying you can’t get guys or whatever. You’ve got a killer bod and face.” She rushes her words, and you could only laugh in response. Of course you were, even though you were older than all your friends you still were technically a freshman, sex still made you nervous. 

“Chill out, yeah, I am. I mean I’m only 16 so I don’t know.” Your voice trails off. You had this weird feeling of pressure for whatever reason. Again you knew that all of your girlfriends had already had sex, but then again, they had boyfriends. You weren’t sure if you would ever get to that-not so soon.

They both nod, Genie turning to look at Lorraine’s hair. “Okay, let me fix your hair again. Fuckin’ Texas humidity.” She grabs her arm, and they hurry out the room. “Be right back Drea! Don’t want the smoke alarm going off, like two summers ago.” She pulls a fake blunt between her lips and laughs-referring to the time she smoked in your room while your mom was away.

 A groan leaves your lips and you slide down your headboard. Your hair getting trapped in its wiring spirals, causing you to get even angrier before untangling yourself and slamming back onto the bed. Facing the ceiling. You would suffocate yourself with the pillow but you didn’t want to ruin their prom night with the sight of your dead body.

You swore, you swore at your lacrosse game that you couldn’t get jealous about these things anymore.

You were fucked. Like grade A fucked.

You grab the magazine and begin whacking yourself in the face.

 Stupid, I’m so stupid. Javier Peña. Lorraine Smithfield- oh god Lorraine Peña. That’s my worst nightmare.  Maybe this fucking magazine would knock me out, this is so ridiculous-

“You good there cariño?”

A screech parts from your mouth as you sit up straight and your murder weapon (the magazine) falls. Javier leaned up against my open doorway, in a blue suit. “Jesus fucking-”

He waves his arms out before completely entering the room, “Language! Your moms down the hall you psycho.” He pleads. He knows your good catholic mother would storm down the hall and whack you if she heard the profanities that just left your lips. She'd probably use the magazine too.

“Oh my god.” You pant, still startled. A hand over your heart. “You just walked in on my attempted suicide” lifting the magazine. His lips twitch before crowding the bed, his hips leveled with your face. The position causing your heart to skip a beat, or two...maybe six you actually weren’t sure if you were breathing in that moment. The way he’s looking down at you. Looking at you through his prominent brow bone. You pull your dress down past your knees.

With a hand on his hip, he grabs the magazine staring at the close-up of Gia Carangi before tossing it back in the bed. “Well Vogue isn’t gonna cut it, querida.” He gives a faulty frown laced with sarcasm. “What’s up?” Your brain still strung on him calling you darling in Spanish. Still strung on this, how you're sat on this bed. Cariño was just his thing with everyone but querida? You have never heard him call anyone that.

You need a cold shower. 

You brain levels to recognize his question. Well, your issue was him. Him going to prom with someone who wasn’t you. Him using words of endearment to identify you. This position right now, as he towered you. How handsome he looked in that suit. How his eyes always lowered with a sense of adoration when he looked at you. Your heart caught in your throat all you could was- you lie, “My-my dress is ugly.” Half-lie. The dress was ugly, fact. But your issue was far from something so materialistic. Again, your issue was him.

That issue only blossomed when he smiles down at you, tilting his head before whispering, “You look beautiful.”

Your eyes go doe-not having heard those words in a long time. Never thinking you’d hear him say it, not in this way at least. While he looked at you as if he wanted to do something about the ugly piece of fabric clanged to your body. Your lips purse and you just wished you could kiss him. You wanted to kiss him so bad. And for a moment you convince yourself that maybe he’s thought about kissing you before because his eyes fall to your parted lips.

But that moment was short lived. He looks back to your eyes and smiles with a sigh. His eyes move to the wall behind you before turning to leave the room. “Cute picture, see you downstairs!” He calls as he walks out the room. You turn in record time to see the image on your own wall.

New Years, you looking up at him-shamelessly with so much adoration as he lays his arm on your head.

Breathless in the bed. You could only stare ahead and let frustrated tears fall without fail. Your shaking hands wipe them quick before his girlfriend and your future in law join you in the room. Gina Carangi staring at you from the far side of the bed.

I will find a way to die by the hands of that vogue magazine

A few weeks passed after your moment with Javi. You kept on with your daily routine of school, practice and home. You hadn't really had any time to stay Javier's for dinner anymore. By the beginning of May you realized you hadn't hung out with him-or with anyone since the start of April. But a folded envelope in your locker with fancy writing and the familiar word of quinceañera brought you back in business. Plus one rquired.

You asked Liandra herself if it really was required, to which she stared at you with a dull face. She let you in on the fact that her mom had a head count and that was bible. After days of begging Frankie, he found an excuse to throw at you. Said he reserved a table at a restaurant out of town for Genie. “Sorry, ask someone else hermanita,”

He says it with a frown, but you know it’s taunting. You have nothing else to do but yell into your pillow, yet you yell a bit too hard. Your hands holding your pillow to your face-you had a dress and everything. And this time it was actually pretty, it was long-black with delicate flowers and small puffed sleeves. Your mama bought it for you as a gift for your sixteenth birthday but you hadn’t found a place to wear it. It was pricey, about a hundred dollars and she handed you cash without batting an eye.

Speak of the devil, your exaggerated teenage groan was loud enough for your mama to slam your bedroom door open. “Andrea, ¿qué te pasa?” She asked with less energy than she used to yank the door open. You sit up, you and your mom weren’t the closest-you kind of had to just be okay with that. You think she just never expected to have a daughter-you were her mirror and maybe it was a bit too much. She loved up on Frankie, without a doubt.

You sit up, looking at the dress hanging on your chair and sigh. “I promised Liandra I’d go to her Quince with another person, to fill the space.” you shake your head, feeling embarrassed at how silly your issues sound as your mom sighs in relief. She was lucky all your issues were innocent and juvenile, she’d be fucked if you had any real issues.

Your mom moves her hair from one shoulder to the next, staring behind you for a moment. Her lips form a thin line and you could just see the gears turning and a light bulb. “I can call Don Chucho up, have Javier go with you.”

“No!” You blurt, already petrified at the idea of your mom asking him on your behalf. Of course you had thought of him. He was the first person you thought of when she mentioned a plus one-not your stupid brother. You wanted to go with Javier, but that was out of the picture… obviously. That would just be weird.

Your mom rolls her eyes, “Call him or I will, need you to stop moping around about him. Grow up.” She moves from the middle of your room, and you pout, grow up? Relax.  

She leaves your room as quick as she walked in.

You stared at the dress for a few moments more.

Two hours later you dial his house and thank god he picked up.

“Andrea?” He asks without a hello, he always picked up the phone in that way. He knew it would be you, Frankie would never phone his house, he would just drive over.

Immediately you’re nervous, like you’re asking him on a date-don’t be stupid. Relax, grow up. He’s your friend, friends go to party’s all the time. All the time—“Andrea?” He asks again, his smooth voice rings.

Oh fuck, “Oh Yeah, Hi Javi!” You squeak as if you weren’t the one who called him. You try to picture him, you wonder what he’s wearing on a Thursday night. He skipped school today so you hadn’t seen him, how much he’s been changing this year. He was already looking like a real adult as he approaches his eighteenth birthday.

You hear him exhale through his nose, “Hi? Is everything okay?”

You nearly face palm at the question, do you really only ever phone him when you need something? This is so embarrassing, just hang up.

That dress, ugh that dress.

“Are you busy tomorrow night?” You ask in a rushed manner and you hear some commotion from the phone. A females voice, a voice you know well. And whatever confidence you had for a second was crushed, a nervous hand twiddling with the pink spiral chord.

Javier’s line is silent like he covered the phone, then he speaks. “Uh-what for?”

Oh. It was a rare response from him, he was always so willing for you and his tone this time was uninterested and cold. You look around the room, wondering if you could make something up but you decide to be truthful. “Oh, sorry, I was just wondering if you’d be my plus one to Liandra’s quince—but if you’re busy or don’t want to don’t worry I can ask around or—“

“Relájate, I can pick you up whenever you need."

You knew that Javier would be in your driveway at five yet you begin to get ready at one. You straighten your hair, bump the ends. You lean over when putting on your bra, you read in Cosmo that applying your bra that way pushes up your breast more. You even put on lip gloss, mascara. You stood in the mirror, tussling with your hair, which shoulder looked the best. Should you wear it up? No.

You vote on down and you take even longer picking out earrings but settle on medium sized hoops. You were doing it for Javier, that was a fact. You fought with yourself with guilt. You shouldn’t be taking so much time to earn a glance from a taken man.

You argued internally some more until coming to a conclusion…

 You had been so respectful, so good. You sure as hell weren’t going to make a move on him tonight or ever for that matter. You weren’t even going to flirt, you were way too shy for that.

 You were just going to let this be the night you get to dress pretty because you liked a boy. And that was all. You got to make yourself look pretty for him, with no expectations.

And you looked pretty. Maybe the prettiest you’ve ever looked. Earning a “pretty dress” from you brother as he brushed his teeth in your bathroom. The compliment was so rare he might as well have said, “You are so beautiful.” So, there was a smile permanently imprinted on your face.

Your mama was in the living room when you rushed down the hall with the gift in hand. She called you beautiful and said to pop in every picture they take, and you agreed. Hearing a beep from outside. You look down at your dress again and walk out the door and down your driveway.

You were nearly breathless at the sight of Javier wearing a plaid button down.

You would have never noticed but he was just as stunned to see you in that dress, his knuckles tighten as you settled in next to him with a smile. He wonders where did he go wrong? He wonders why his chest was tight the entire drive. It was a fucking quinceañera, he had been to more of those then anything else in his life. There was something underlying about going with you, especially since you tried so hard to look pretty for him. Truthfully, you never had to try.

Javier clears his throat before backing the car out, you speak finally. “I signed the card from the two of us so don’t worry.” You reassure him. You had only called him yesterday, so you knew he’d be fucked on a gift. Fortunately, you fished out some money from your savings to buy her a handbag.

Javier sighs, he hadn’t even thought of it. He was arguing with Lorraine when you called, he was startled by it. You had called when his girlfriend was ranting about their apartment in Houston and admitting to something that has been plaguing his mind ever since. Javier was so scared you had heard whatever was said. “Fuck, okay thank you.” He couldn’t help it, he gave you a double take when the may air blew through your hair. You just looked so pretty, you had a permanent blush, maybe it was just when you were around him.

The two of you make it to the small venue, half of town already sat in their pink decorated tables. You look to Javier who has a face of uneasiness but it hardens once he realizes you were looking at him. It was cute. His hand found the small of your back as he walked you through the kids playing with balloons and chatter until you were at your table. You peered to see who were surrounding you at the five seater round table. Monica, Christian and Xavier. Your brows furrow at the name, sounded familiar but you weren’t sure. You feel Javier’s on guard presence, like there was a threat at hand at Laredo’s few small venues. “Relax, will you?” You snap, and his bouncing knee halts. You couldn’t have known what Lorraine broke to him only a day before. You surely couldn’t have known that he was moving away in a matter of weeks. His eyes snap to you with its familiar expression, his big brown eyes. You just wish you could have him. It physically pained you that he could be so beautiful and not be yours. Especially when you’re this close.

“Sorry, just hate being around everyone from town.” He breathes and scans the room again nervously. You frown. Your first thought was that he was at unease for accompanying you-considering you weren’t his girlfriend. It probably didn’t look the best on his part. You did the best with that, you were great at jumping to conclusions that were made to make you feel insecure or upset because just the thought makes you slump in the chair when Liandra enters the ballroom in a large frilly pink dress with light beading at its bodice.

Still feeling Javier’s uneasiness, you stood up to watch her enter with her court. Javier stands too watching as they do their traditional dance. Monica was a bit late along with her boyfriend and the Xavier kid. He was pretty cute, Mexican like Javi but with real light hair and one dimple on is right cheek. Monica of course wiggled her eyebrows at your plus one. Thankfully Javier was too mesmerized by the mariachi to catch your perverted friend.

Once the party truly begins you are all able to sit. You engage in all their conversations. Monica goes on how sad she’s going to be when she graduates next year, how she would visit as much as she can. Her boyfriend was always quiet, he was the observer type. His eyes mostly glued on Javi as he was also practically silent the entire time.

That Xavier kid sure spoke. “So you don’t dance? Like nothing no cumbia? Salsa, bachata? Basic slow dancing?” He leans into the table to get closer to you, but Javier’s lax body was lodged between you. You laugh, but you feel Javier’s denim knee bounce and you begin to regret even asking him to accompany you. You look to Javier and his arms are crossed as he stares off into the distance. He’s never like this, not with you.

“No, I’ll dance but I can’t guarantee I’ll be good” You fake laugh in response yet your eyes continue to flick to Javier. The boy recognizes as he moves his conversation to Monica and her boyfriend. You scrape the metal chair against the floor, barely audible with the Mariachi playing. You move closer to Javier, whisper into his ear. “I’m sorry for making you come along, you should’ve brought Lorraine.”

Javier’s mouth goes dry at your closeness and choice of words. He shakes his head, “No, I’m sorry for being distant. We never get to hang out just us, I’m being a dick head.” He admits, leaning forward into the table picking up the small decoration you had been eyeing. It was a small envelope with a dove on it with lace trimming, there was nothing in it. It just went with the pink floral center piece, the small lace trimmed envelopes.

“Cute.” He inspects it.

You reach to touch it while it’s in his hands, your fingers grazing. “This would look so cute on my vanity.” You smile and Javier nods before leaning back into the chair, the envelope still in his hands but now on his lap. Your eyes follow and you lean back in your chair, mirroring him.

He scans his eyes around before whispering put-it-in-your-bra out the side of his mouth with his typical baritone.

“What?” You barely heard him and he was obviously trying to be sneaky.

“Put it in your bra, you want it right.” He whispers passing the decoration to you. Your eyes widen at his words, you almost snort a laugh in a very Monica way. He can’t be serious?

“Javi—I can’t just, no I’m not doing that.” You laugh quietly, also scoping the party as if the two of you were committing a felony. You swat his hand away and place the envelope in his lap.

He sighs, still in his spy whisper, “You made me do this.” Javier bucks his hips before unbuckling his belt, your jaw goes slack and your hand stupidly flies to his thigh to sit his bottom back down and he reacts instantaneously at your touch.

“Javier, what the fuck are you doing?” You whisper yell, your palm still on his knee, accidentally sliding higher once he had sat back down, you dig your nails into his jeans. Javier’s stomach so dangerously dips at your touch. He continues to loosen his pants before tucking the envelope in his waistband. You stare dumb founded as he tightens his belt again before he points up at nothing. “What now you psycho?” You laugh, your hand hasn’t moved and he hasn’t made any effort to change your position.

His smiles ear to ear, “You hear that? Querida, the songs called Querida. Let’s dance.” He then grabs your hand from his thigh, the Juan Gabriel song finally coming to the forefront of your brain. Your cheeks warm at the question and at the connection he makes.

“Javier, I have two left feet.” You joke—half joke.

He stands and pulls you with him, you could feel Monica’s stare from your left side. You could just picture her face of joy. He squeezes your hand, “Querida, I’ve got two right feet, maybe it’ll cancel out.” He says from in front of you as he walks you to the crowded dance floor of very close half-drunk adults, leaning into each other. This was your dream, you dreamt of going to prom with him—slow dancing. You were getting this, a slow dance at a Quince a week after prom.

He holds both of your arms out before pulling your small body flush against his own, his mood changed so quickly it gave you whiplash—maybe the whiplash was from him pulling you in this close. And your head lays on his chest as you sway to the beginning of the song, trying to take note of every lyric of the song. You could hear his heart, it was distracting you from the song. You just wished things could be different.

You had time, maybe it’ll be worth the wait. You hoped to God, you prayed.

Javier had lied, he knew how to sway your body in the right direction and when the song lightened towards the end he knew when to pull away and follow your steps. You were a giggling fit and when the song moved onto another trumpet ballad he doesn’t let you go. “Two right feet my ass.” You mutter against him and you feel his chest rumble below you in laughter.

“You on the other hand…”

Your hand that was flat on his back slaps him lightly right there and he laughs again. You could be dreaming right now, your cheek smushed into his chest, and his hands on your lower back, his thumb occasionally rubbing circles in place. You just wished you could grab him and kiss him—in front of all these people. You shook your head against him. “T’s my first slow dance Mr. Peña” You admit against him, for a moment you two just continuing to move with music before he parts from you, turning your body in front him. He takes a generous look at you—it drives him crazy just how beautiful you are. He feels physical pain about it, he didn’t know what to do. But he brings your body back into his own again. He is so afraid to leave, to leave you behind. He’s afraid of what was going to happen with Lorraine, how will he live with her after this. He’s afraid of doing something stupid tonight. Something stupid but something he knows he will never regret and maybe want to do again-over and over.

He hums above you, “Mmm, the envelope is cutting into my lower stomach right now.” You giggle like an idiot before running an experimental hand down the side of his stomach and steadying on his waist. Goosebumps jolt against his skin, his stomach dipping at your soft touch-how were you so soft?

And then the music changed suddenly, a typical cumbia song. And now you were really out of place, maybe you’d think growing up in a majority Mexican community your Puerto Rican ass would learn-but no. Javier knows that and still could care less. He grabs you again and taps your hip. “Just put this leg,” He taps the outside of your left thigh, “In between my leg, and your right one on the outside. Just move with music you aren’t bad bebita,” He uses a new nickname and your suddenly jolted with confidence as you watch as the other women are tangled in their partners. This was close, very close, his hand now skating the lowest part of your back, nearing your ass. And you dance, and you’re both smiling like fools, dancing poorly.

You really were overdressed as most of the girls dancing were in their jeans and vaquero boots, their partners very handsy and quick. Javier remained respectful though, guiding your steps with a large hand bracing your waist as you catch on.

“You’re a good teacher Javi, ever thought of ditching the academy?’ You joke, a small laugh leaving your own lips. Yet Javier’s smile fades a bit and shakes his head. It was in the back of his mind the whole time, the thought of leaving for his career. He watched as your smile fades with his and he can’t let that happen, not tonight. He smiles again and shakes his head.

“de ninguna manera, querida” He says over the fast paced tune, his face screwing at a sight behind you, you nearly turn before you feel a hand on your shoulder.

Xavier is dancing towards you, “No tratar de robar a tu mujer, but could I dance with her for a song, want to test her can’t dance theory?” He smiles at Javier, and he isn’t too pleased or entertained by the boy’s charm. His face is deadpan as he holds you before looking to you. He gives you a look of annoyance and you squint at him sympathetically nose scrunch; you didn’t want to part from him but you just didn’t want to reject the boy. Javier reads you, deciding your face was too cute to say no to and he exhales an irritated breath.

“One song.”

Well, he kept you for longer than a song. You spoke and danced with the boy. He talked about the classes he registered for last week and you giggle at him having to retake home and careers because he burnt every meal they made in class. You passed it with flying colors, but you didn’t tell him because he seemed really worked up about it. “Well, you’ve got time to practice this summer.” You beam.

He turns you and now Javier’s mean mug is in your view as he sips a beer at the table, you know he’s being dramatic, so you just smile and shake your head over the boy’s shoulder. Javier can never hold a frown in your presence as his lips quirk into a smile before taking another swig at his beer. Xavier’s lips hit your ear accidentally with your head moving to follow Javier. “Maybe you could tutor me? This summer.”

You giggle and look back at him, Oh he’s serious. He was flirting and you hadn’t even noticed, yet all you could do was sneer at the advance. You lean your head into his chest hiding your red face, and you feel him sigh at your rejection. “Hm, right your boyfriend is probably planning my murder as we speak, verdad?” Your eyes widen and you make more distance between the two of you, just to see if he was serious. He was.

“I think you know he isn’t my boyfriend.” Song three begins.

“Hm, do I?”

You shake your head at his sass, “I think you know that he dates Lorraine Smithfield.” A small bubble of nerves rising at the name you brought up. Everyone in school knew them, they were the most popular couple in the school. Everyone loved her and everyone wanted to be close to him. Xavier looks to Javi who was now getting his ear talked off by Monica.

Xavier’s nostril flares with a head shake, “Would Lorraine be pleased with how you two danced for nearly half an hour?”

You heart clenches in its place at his words.

Everyone dances like this. It didn’t matter who you were dancing with, everyone does this.

Fuck, had you crossed the line? You nervously shake your head feeling sick at the question before ultimately parting from him with a head shake. He grabs you again, “I’m sorry—I just think you’re a beautiful girl and you shouldn't be worrying about some taken guy.”

A hand grabs at your lower back and Xavier’s face drops for a moment. You turn to see Javier’s broad stance behind you. “Come on, I served you a plate.” He says softly to you but doesn’t let up his stare on Xavier. The two having macho off at the dance floor as Xavier also flares his own nostrils at him.

You nod and let Javi walk you to the table. He speaks once you're far enough. “What did he say? You look like you’ve seen a ghost.” You stare at your heels as you try to catch up with his long strides to your table at the far end of the room. His thumb again circling through your dress on the small of your back.

“Was just sort of implying that I was a home wrecker.” You let out a chuckle, a mortified one. You round the table and sit in front of your plate. Javier feels his own chest tightening, he was afraid to say anything. It had been so recent so quick he hesitated. Before you called yesterday, he and Lorraine had gotten into a small argument about what to bring on their move in a few weeks. Somehow it ended in her angrily admitting that she had hooked up with her co-worker two weeks ago.

Javier hadn’t really felt mad, he was just torn. His shoulders sunk at the thought—despite the ideas of Andrea running in his head he put down that line that he could never cross. He stared at his lap wondering what he was going to do, they had signed the lease. She had been so ecstatic the past week, knowing she had cheated on Javier. That was the sadness, the second tear was about having a moment to breath. He had told her that he was done with her and that they would figure out Houston.

She left the house in a yelling fit- saying he should try to understand her but Javier was finished. And maybe this was the out he needed but it came too late. It came after a deposit was put down on an apartment he would never be able to afford alone. “There is no house to wreck.” He says with a mouthful of rice once the two of you had settled down.

Your lips quirk into a frown at the statement, to say you were lost would be an understatement. “What?” Javier wipes the corners of his mouth with a napkin with a nod.

Your eyes widen in realization, oh.

How, you wondered, When? You had heard her on the phone yesterday. My god you felt like such an asshole, that’s why he was so distant earlier. He had just broken up with his girlfriend. Wow, how long were they together – 5 months? That’s real serious for high school, was it because she was going off to college? That would make the most sense, you hoped they were okay. “Oh, I’m really sorry.” You stare off into your food. He was so upset earlier.

Guilt was the first emotion you felt, you had secretly wished them apart. For so long you resented their relationship, you had wanted him to choose you. You wanted to be with him but he very obviously loved her. And now they weren’t together and so selfishly your first thought was one of hope. Oh my god Andrea, don’t be stupid. 

“Don’t have to be, it was my decision.”

“Why?” You ask a little too quickly, too eager. But curiosity was seriously killing you inside despite him only breaking the news to you just a few moments ago. You hoped it wasn’t  anything serious, you hoped he was okay. You hoped she was okay, you weren’t as thrilled to hear the news like you’d figured you’d be.

His lips thin in a line, you observe the mustache growing above it that have added at least ten years on his face. It was sexy, but you scold yourself internally. “Better I don’t say-you know she’s your friend too so—"

“You were my friend first.” You correct him, your eyes flitting down to the lace envelope peaking from his waistband. A small smile forming again. Javier likes when you correct him, he likes when you cut him off and put him in his place. It reminds himself that you were truly his friend, that you cared about him enough to smack him upside the head literally or metaphorically.

He laughs a somber one, “Apparently, she uh- she hooked up with her co-worker a few weeks ago, just make out. Not sure why but she did.”

You feel as if the beating in your chest stops for a moment. The thought of Lorraine cheating is something that you would have never fathomed. It didn’t seem to be in her character, your lips quirk in a small frown. Javi’s brows crease and you can’t help but reach your hand to his, but Xavier comes into view and you snap your hand back into your lap like you were caught. Javi’s frown deepens at your action, but his attention quickly gravitates to Xavier sitting next to him.

He leans in over Javier, “Andrea, I’m really sorry it came out wrong” Javier huffs and moves forward in his chair to cut your line of view from the boy. He turns to him, and you stare at the back of Javi’s head as it moves.

“What’s your name again?” Your crush asks with a stern and taunting voice. You can’t see Xavier from Javi’s flannelled broad back blocking you, but you can make out the shift in Xavier’s mood as he lets silence fall after the question. Xavier mutters his name in response. “Okay Xavier, next time you speak to Andrea, make sure you know what exactly you’re talking about.” A shameful smile hits your face, and you look down to your lip hiding how Javier’s tendency to be an asshole ignites something in you.

“Listen man, I didn’t mean any disrespect—”

Javi tilts his head slightly, “Disrespect? If you were to have disrespected her this conversation would be very different, Xavier.”

The conversation ended just as quickly as it began as Xavier opted to not respond and leave the table. A smile still on your made-up face, you didn’t care if it was silly or stupid. You could take care of yourself, you knew that. People being rude to you or stepping out of line was something you could handle on your own. Honestly, you hated asking for help. You hate when Frankie used to step in to solve issues for you. You were and are capable. Now, when it was Javier stepping in you really couldn’t be bothered by it—in fact it excited you more than you would ever admit. Maybe it was old fashioned-cave-mannish, you couldn’t care when it came to him. You would never tell Javier how it made you feel since that would cross lines since he was with—right, he wasn’t with her anymore. Still, telling him how it made you feel, especially now, would feel opportunistic.

But he caught your smile once he leaned back into the chair, his thighs parting with his satisfied stretch. He narrows his eyes at you, “What’re you smiling about, cariño?” You look to Monica and Christian who were both watching the interaction after Javier practically bitched their friend.

“You’re so ridiculous.”

He jolts forward and winces before patting the space where the envelope dug into his stomach. “Me? Ridiculous, for what? Defending you?”

“Oh please, you did that for no one but yourself.” You half joke, you kind of figured that he liked to assert dominance over anyone that even dare cross you. He rolls his tongue on the inside of his cheek and smiled with a shrug.

The party goes like every quince. You watch as Liandra is presented her first birthday dress, you watch her slow dance with her father and hear the tearful speech from her mom. The night was nearing a close and you almost didn’t want your rare hang out with Javi to end. Before the dance floor attendance shrank you sighed, “I think I need air.” You stand and he follows.

It was gospel as a teen to take a “walk” when at a party. It was a debrief moment, you walked with your friends around the neighborhood and talked shit or you sat on the steps and joked about the night. You weren’t sure which it was for this night, but you knew that the air conditioning in the venue wasn’t the most efficient and you were beginning to regret the long dress.

You walk out the building with Javi trailing behind you. The air wasn’t cold by any means, but it was at least breezy for a late spring night. Your mind was still spinning from your closeness all night, all the stolen touches and his gaze on you. Lorraine circled your brain when it was silent. You were upset with her. You had opened to her, you liked her a lot, even if it meant having to give up your silly crush. Like you had said before, Javi was your friend first. You knew that if you brought a boy into the group and he cheated, Javi surely wouldn’t let that slide. Maybe that was unique to just the two of you, you both had this possessiveness over each other, Javier’s a bit more apparent.

“We can go home if you’re tired.” His voice smooth through the wind blowing your dress as you sit at the steps outside the venue. There were a few people loading into their cars to head home, it was nearly ten but these sorts of parties went on well into the night. Javier sits next to you, and you fight the urge to lean your tired needy body against his. You pull your dress in place instead, closing your eyes feeling the air.

You hum, “We can stay until half past ten, unless you’re needed at home.” Eyes opening to look at him but he was already looking at you through half lidded eyes, his face so still yet you can practically see that he was thinking heavily about something.

His voice gets deeper the more tired he gets so you know he wants to leave soon, “I’m needed wherever you want me to be.” His gaze is so fixed on you, you nearly lose your breath at his words. The beers must be kicking in, you giggle with your ears heating up. You were a crush-stricken mess and he thought you were so beautiful.

Javier was almost getting irritated that you couldn’t catch a clue as you continue to give him a bashful head shake, “You like to embarrass me, you’re cruel.” You can’t help but look back at how naïve you were at sixteen. Javier shakes his head at your cluelessness, whatever stupid thing he was thinking about leaves him in that moment. Javier licks his lips and parts, feeling slightly rejected.

Whatever he felt at this moment wasn’t because he was fresh off of a breakup, he had been feeling this way for too long. Being single in that moment just made it all more real, especially when you were so close. Especially with the way you had been clinging to him all night. He felt physically sick at the thought of leaving you.

He almost thought about telling you that night. Javier guesses that the thought of not being with Lorraine held him back, like maybe he wouldn’t have to go. Maybe he would have stayed and just continued on with being a kid for a bit longer. He completely decided against telling you when you leaned your head on his shoulder. You really were tired, Javi closed his eyes for a bit, trying to silence all of his thoughts and just feel for once. You look out at the lot, it wasn’t the prettiest sight but just being with Javier on a night like this-you were so glad all those beat up cars were facing the two of you.

How you’ve dreamt of this, you manipulated small moments to be romantic in your head for years on end. Tonight, you told yourself that you were just going to be a girl out with a boy but you knew truthfully that it could never be that simple. Not when you actually love him with every aching bone in your body. Your cheek is pressed on his flannel, you breath in his scent. That was one of the things you loved about him, his smell. He didn’t have that typical cologne scent with notes of sage and woods—he smelt sweeter, chocolatey, nutty, smooth. No man you’ve ever met had ever smelt the way he did.

Javier’s eyes aren’t closed anymore, but he is basking in the warmth of your body. How had he messed up so bad, why didn’t he just try with you? Sure, he had been avoiding the feelings that lived in him for so long, even before he met Lorraine but it showed itself to him. Sure he also knew that Frankie would kill him with his bare hands. But that risk was worth it. He went crazy over the thought of you being with someone else, it drove him mad. He had felt so silly for being so possessive—and it was, you weren’t his. He could’ve changed that fact though, but he chose someone else who in turn cheated on him. He brought Lorraine into your life, he made you two friends and then she betrayed him, and to him she betrayed you-Frankie and Genie. He fucked it all up with asking Lorraine to come with, he fucked up for not thinking twice he hadn’t even fathomed that she would cross that line and now he was attached to her in this fucking lease.

Javier looks down at you, this time your eyes were shut you couldn’t help but feel the weight of the night dragging you down. It was too calm out here for you to not doze for a bit. Xavier’s face flashed in Javi’s head. Name copier.

He obviously had the hots for you, Javier would never know peace, everyone adored you. It changed from when you were younger, boys would tease you because they were too scared to show that they had a crush on you, back then Javi would swoop in his own routine. Then you joined him at the high school and it’s like your name was written in the halls of the school, every guy wanted you—but you were too sweet, too good. Sure you caved in for Daniel, but Javier knew deep down that it was just an experience thing, trial and error. He was still jealous out of his mind though, he hated that such a loser is what you chose but it wasn’t his business. Christ he wanted it to be his business. Fuck it.

“Do you like Daniel?”

Your brows crease through your sleepy haze. What a random question after such a long silence, You look down at his knees which were now touching your own, you think about it for a second. You hum and ‘hmm’ through sleepy lips. “Mm, no, not too much.”

Javier’s stiff body relaxes for a moment and you take note, tucking it in the corner of your brain along with every other interaction you’ve convinced yourself were signs that maybe he liked you too. Good, he thinks although he knew, he wanted to hear you say it. Javier looks down at your resting head, he can’t really see your face from this angle but he remembers what it looked like a few minutes ago. He mentally scolds himself when he realizes he hadn’t even called you beautiful tonight.

His lets an experimental hand rub your arm and you feel all your senses come together at once, “You look very pretty tonight Andrea.”

He mentally punishes himself at how juvenile the compliment sounds compared to all the beautiful words that were running through his head. Regardless, you feel all the hair on your body stand and a pit in your lower stomach form. Your only reaction was to blush and push your face further into his shoulder.

And fuck, he was blushing at your sleepy response.

“Okay, up let’s go home.” He changes the tone, he felt a bit embarrassed by how red he got that he decided to just cut all of this short. Continuing would just complicate this further. You can’t help it, as he stands your heavy head falls in place.

The whole night was coursing through your veins as he pulls you up from the steps and holds you close to walk you to his truck. God, you slow danced with Javier Peña. He called you pretty, he rubbed circles on your back. He conducted an elaborate heist for a decoration you thought was cute. He let you sleep on him with the thought of kissing heavy on your mind. He walked you through the lot, you were tired yet you could walk on your own but Javier just wanted more of an excuse to hold you. You feel his broad presence once you let go and approach the car door. You attempt to pull at the handle, realizing its locked, duh. You turn to see him behind you with keys in hand.

This time, you look him up and down. A small smile on your lips, “Did I tell you that you looked handsome tonight, Javier?” You tilt your head teasingly. His lips twitch for a moment before he inches closer while your stood against his truck. He gives a slow approving nod with a new look in his eyes. You were feeling whatever he was feeling because as he moved in to trap you against the car you continued, “Like super handsome I couldn’t keep my eyes off of—”

Finally, his large, calloused hands grips to your face with quickness and he chases your pouting lips with his. You gasp at the sudden contact, a contact that only existed in that corner of your brain. You don’t think twice about moving your lips with his own, they looked so soft, you didn’t think they’d feel this good. You could feel him exhale from relief, like he had been waiting on this for a long time. You waste no time in gripping his flannel, pulling him closer so that you’re completely pressed up against the truck.

He finally had you, Javier’s entire body relaxed against you for a moment. And you were just as soft as he imagined, your lips so large as you nipped at his own lips. It was slow, painfully slow and painfully-painfully just lips. Javier didn’t want to startle you with a lick at your lips, now the only sounds of wetness being your lips slowly slotting together. Your grip on him felt like you were trying to brace yourself, it made his head spin. The thought of you being so enveloped by him that you had to physically hold yourself upright against him. How badly he wanted to make space for his tongue against yours. He moves his left hand slowly down your cheek to the curve of your jaw and then to hold your neck.

You wanted the same, his tongue, so you licked against him first and he nearly moans at your invitation, at your ask. He wastes no time in lapping his own hot tongue against your own. Christ, you have never felt this hot before. People could be coming out of the venue, you two could be caught—what a scandal it would be. The thought makes you moan this time, an audible one against his tongue.

Javier could feel his pants shrink some sizes at your hold and your noise, this was dangerous. Your balled hands open and move up his chest, touching him in anyway, are you real?

He keeps you like this, pressing harder into your dress. He couldn’t help it, you both had waited so long. His hand moves quickly down the side of the dress, groping at any soft skin he can grab at through it. “Oh, Javi,” you moan against his lips when his left hand grips at your rib, and his right lightly lifts your dress above your knee. His palm gripping at the soft skin on the inside of your thigh, a small whimper falling against his open mouth. He groans in response. His body completely covered your own against this car, he could do what he wanted and recover you quickly if anyone approached you two. He groans at the sound of his name as he keeps his tongue at yours. You usually hate tongue kissing, but it was so messy and hot, you were in love with this art.

Javier, finally having you, finally.

Too much excitement is what you felt. You bite at his lower lip. But he suddenly is parted from you As you stand shocked and breathless Javier hurries to fix your dress that was pulled up so high your panties were nearly exposed to the still air. Your breath caught in your mouth and your lips swollen as a family approaches the car next to you. Javier swiftly leans up against his truck next to you, both of you looking more suspicious than ever as the familiar adults round their own car. Your chest is rising and falling quickly as you bring your hand to your kiss-swollen lips. Javier is a horny mess, trying to think straight as he rapidly blinks. Knowing he's straining the pants on him. He just wanted to get back to it, do whatever he needed for you, anywhere you wanted.

 He was so fucked

The man waves at Javier, “Pequeño Chucho, que tengas una buena noche,” The guy gestures to Javi before his eyes fall to you, “Tú Tambien.” He smiles, a knowing one before getting in his truck. You look down at your heels, biting back a smile. You just had a make out session with Javier Peña, against his car. Your eyes widen replaying every grip as he stood next to you in silence. You couldn’t dare look at him after moaning into his mouth so shamelessly. Something shamefully forming under your dress.

He looks to you though, a smile ghosting his glossed lips. You had been kissing so hard that you hadn’t even noticed his lips wearing what once was on your own, and on his cheek. You smile back realizing that whoever that man was most definitely knew he had just caught you two. Your eyes were still laced with exhaustion and Javier made the decision that this wasn’t the time for the two of you. Javier knew you needed to be home, asleep, soon.

He pushes off the car door and opens the door for you. Your chest is still rising and falling, you almost want to slam the door and kiss him again but you climb into the pickup instead. He turns the corner and gets in and starts the car in one movement. Eyes immediately drifting at the sound of the wheels scraping asphalt.

You wake up in your own bed the next morning.

[cats-of-eden-valley]

Can we get a little more info on the deities?

In addition… How (from a writer’s standpoint) did you come up with the deity’s names?

A lot of my names for stuff just in general comes from fiddling around with random translations using Google Translate, changing around the results until I start finding sounds I like! I try to stick to one specific language, which helps keep the sounds harmonious with each other.

Sometimes I just get a random name stuck in my head that I think is fitting, though, and I'll write that down.

--

As for COEV deities, there's a few different categories of deities so far? It's a broad pantheon, with Hiverne and the Moons as the leading deities, the creators so to speak. Hiramau, Irves, and Saja are major gods, ruling vast domains and appearing in a large chunk of stories. Then there's what is called Roaming Gods, which comes from the fact that many of them come from outside religions and cultures but have come to be common and beloved (or hated) in the Valley.

I'll give a quick overview of some of the ones I have names for!

--

CREATION DEITIES: Hiverne the Sun and The Nameless Moons

Haven't gotten the creation myth fully figured out, but the gist is The Moons and Hiverne had a conflict, Hiverne stole The Moons' name, and The Moons tore out one of Hiverne's eyes, leaving only one in the sky.

Stories about The Moons scooping out the Valley to protect the cats from Hiverne's burning heat (especially because the Valley is essentially an oasis in a big ol' desert)

The Valley Cats as a whole view The Moons more as an ally and Hiverne more as an enemy, but ideals and stories vary between Goldspring, Coldbank, and Bogden.

They are known among outsiders as well

Hiverne is associated with the colour blue (the sun is blue in this universe) and especially with blue eyed cats. I'm thinking of replacing the white cats with blue eyes being deaf etc with black cats with blue eyes instead, but that's still up in the air.

The Moons are, of course, associated with the night, safety, peace, etc. The moons of this world operate on the same cycle, so they wax and wane together, like a cat slow blinking. On the darkest night, when The Moons are at their most content and her eyes are closed, are when Tradings occur.

Alternatively, full moons are associated with battle and violence, because The Moons eyes are wide and alert.

MAJOR DEITIES

HIRAMAU is known as a hunter of monsters. He's considered to be very strong--so strong that he doesn't know her own strength. He's portrayed as both heroic and destructive.

He resides over the domains of war and tragedy, and is associated with the raging storms that occur during the Waking Year. Cats with injuries that act up with the weather are considered to be touched by Hiramau and given a minor boon to predict the weather.

Also probably represents toms and tomhood. He roams outside the borders because he is too dangerous within.

He is often invoked in First Hunts, either the first hunt of a season or a first hunt for a young cat. Goldspring's pre-hunt rituals are especially noteworthy.

In general, Goldspring thinks the founder of their pride had connection to Hiramau, largely as a child or an apprentice of some sort.

IRVES rules over domains of beauty, love, and ambition. She's depicted as sly and charming, and considered to by the most desirable of gods. She's also associated with longevity and sometimes history and knowledge as well, same with stories, songs, and poetry.

I would equate her to Aphrodite, but less jealous and REALLY likes to play hard to get.

Some stories claim that Saja won her heart, others say that Irves never took a mate. She has many, many children though.

Newer stories depict her with a shadowy sister, Ushala.

Irves is adored by Coldbank, and Tellers like to invoke her name as well.

SAJA is a diety who represents protection and motherhood. While Hiramau is invoked by attackers, Saja is invoked by the defenders. She is a guardian of all kittens, giving all in the name of her pride.

Well loved by Bogden, but she's fallen a bit out of popularity what with the influx of outsiders joining their ranks, as well as the presence of toms in the pride in general.

Associated with home, fire, the nursery, and milk.

Often courts Irves in stories, and often prevails over Hiramau. Older stories depict more of her failings, but they are less often told in modern day.

LESSER DEITIES

MUNSOONA is an outsider dieties which comes from the far west, on the south side of the mountain range behind Shattered Back Mountain. She represents change and cycles, and has gripped the residents of the Town, appealing to their desires for a better life.

Like her name suggests, she's also associated heavily with the monsoon rains of the Waking Year, as well as the wind and other aspects of weather. She is mainly associated with change for the better.

Windswept are big fans of her, and like how each pride ties itself to one of the major deities, they have tied themselves to Munsoona.

While largely referred to as she, no stories specify that Munsoona is a molly, and cats who come from the west use they/them.

USHALA is a deity of unknown origins. Scholars speculate that she arose through stories told by Town cats, slowly morphing into a Robin Hood-esque trickster. Pride stories depict her getting the best of other gods, or of humans. Town stories depict her getting the best of Valley Cats.

Occasionally depicted as Irves' sister or, less often, her daughter, or more specifically as her shadow given life.

AYAKASH is a minor god believed to have come from cats living in the mountains. Ayakash is always on the run, leaping and bounding away from Hiverne, its fur all kinds of spectacular shades of dawn and dusk. This way, all cats know when the day has come, and it is time to hide.

Not always depicted as a cat, but more often a prey animal. Invoked for safety when travelling, by scouts seeking a viable target in a herd, and by cats wishing to be home before sunrise.

ISSKUS & PURIV are the twins. One, Puriv, collects the spirits of dead cats, and the other, Isskus, tends to them until the new moons, when The Moons close their eyes and Isskus can see the best spots to sew the spirits into her fur, where they'll be kept safe for eternity.

Isskus is also responsible for sewing the spirits unnamed kittens into new bodies where they may try again.

Seeing Puriv is an omen of death to come...often yours.

[tariah23]

Man………… Scrolling by that video of that little girl (she looks at least 9-10 bro) doing a full face of makeup on TikTok talking about her “love life,” and “juicy texts,” um… I feel so unwell rn.

Apparently, her mother manages her TikTok as well… and her comments are full of predators. It just breaks my heart, man. There truly isn’t a place on the internet for children to go on anymore. I mean, there hasn’t been so for a very long time anyway. The last generation to be affected by this are the youth who are in their early 20’s and below, too.

Most people my age did not grow up playing on IPADS and carrying around fancy smart phones (we didn’t have them but also, most parents got their children cellphones for safety reasons or they just got them a track phone and called it a day. As long as you could call your parents and be called back, that’s all that really mattered.) I didn’t get my first phone until much later in my life since I’d always been the kinda person to live off of the grid and didn’t really care to contact others. I still don’t even like being on the phone like that and I’m a slow responder both through text and online DM’s and it’s just always been me. We had a lot of social media back then and the internet was no safer back then than it is now but there were also TONS of websites specifically heard towards children. Disney channel and Cartoon Networks websites back then were really good for kids and had a ton of fun games, as well as educational games, to play. There used to be so many video game websites… bro, I used to be so obsessed with blingee 😭!!! I used to cry to go to the library so that I could watch the Naruto abridged series on the computers there lol. My uncle gave us one of his fat white computers but my brother ended up messing it up so she eventually bought us a brand new one so that we could stop begging to go to the library. Most people didn’t have access to computers outside of going to the library or using them at school. At school, my teachers used to let me get on the internet because I wasn’t misbehaving and the other kids used to be so PISSED lmfao. All I did was watch the Naruto and YYH abridged series, bro. Wait, also anime of course in the classic 3 parts as well as AMVS 😭… no celebrity shit or fandom stuff. Just my interests that any other kid would be interested in. Mom didn’t even monitor our computer time fr but it’s more like we knew what was bad and stuff like that.

We really used to play outside, man. Like, I remember crying to go play outside!!! One time, my sister and I were playing across a giant grassy field with friends and their mother told them that it was time to go into the house since It had gotten dark… I remember feeling sad, not wanting the fun to ever end. I went home and mom was making dinner (macaroni, fried chicken, and potatoes I believe) and my brother had already made it back into the house and I just remembered my mom telling me to go get my sister since it was time to go in. But when I made it back to her, I didn’t tell her at all because again, I didn’t want the fun to end 😭. We ended up playing with some other kids who were playing outside a few houses around the corner facing the street (two little boys who were outside playing on their skates and they were trying to teach my sister and I how to skate lol. It was so fun! Then we saw the flashing lights from the police car about an hour or so later and got nervous and said our goodbyes. We made it back home and my mom had called the police 😭… she was furious and I remember she was about to whoop us by her friend who lived across the street from us somehow managed to calm her down and we were spared lmfao. That was still crazy that we didn’t get in trouble for that knowing how my mom was at the time, omg 😭.

Catch lightning bugs was so fun. Our friends who lived across the field from us had an uncle who used to play with all of us and passed out large jars once and had us catching as many lightning bugs as we could 🥺. Then we let them go whaa…

We used to play made up games with the kids from the neighborhood we barely knew, (one time, my mom through my sister and I a huge birthday party for our 6th b-day and got us a Black Barbie cake. We named the little girl on the cake “Ashley,” and she instantly became a new character in our Jerry springer ass doll play time lol. Literally every kid from the neighborhood showed up even though we didn’t know most of them but it was all so fun, we didn’t even care, man. Our cake was huge and we had a good time running around and getting dirty. I remember our apartment being filled with a gazillion balloons that my mom and her friend at the time, helped blow up together.

Playing at the park (I used to HATE when the big kids would show up because they wouldn’t let us get off of the giant tire and would continue to spin us around like crazy until it was scary 👎🏾.) Going to the candy stores was also fun… (my mom used to also run the most POPULAR candy store in the hood 😭. My siblings and I used to sneak into the snacks that she’d buy in bulk from the warehouse and hope that she didn’t find out before putting them on the shelf before opening up the store. Kids were running in and out of our backdoor (it faced the street and my mom kept the door open all day until she closed the store. All of the snacks were pushed up against the wall on a giant shelf as soon as you walked in. I think my brother’s father stole the self tbh) all day and my little brothers father used to be the one to cook all of the ground beef and warm up the cheese for the kids who I wanted to buy chips with cheese. Fun times)

I’m all over the place but man, I just wished that the world was kinder, especially to children. They’re so sensitive and any fucked up thing can changed the trajectory of their entire lives. And you have awful parents who are so desperate for attention, living vicariously through their little girls and boys, actively putting them in harm’s way for follows, likes, and views. They don’t see their kids as worth protecting, only toy. The sad thing is, these people know exactly what they’re doing by exposing their children to the world. You run your child’s account and see house comments from very obvious predators calling your child sexy and shit. It’s just… :(. I know that not everyone was fortunate enough to have a decent childhood (we were poor as hell but were happy) or parents who loved you enough to not put you in harms way and I am so sorry for that…. because you deserved better. But fuck. It’s so dark, man. It shouldn’t not be normalized to see little girls wearing full face makeup and long nails, trying to look older than what they are. And they don’t even know what they’re doing. They’re just babies, man. They should be playing outside and catching lightning bugs. Getting dirty from playing in the mud and dirt. Playing red light, green light and shit. Not worrying about if their contour is applied correctly. It’s bleak. The parents are getting younger and the grandparents; same boat. There’s no place left on the internet for the youth to be children and in rl, they’re clued to their phone screens and tablets all day. It’s… is it so over? I don’t fucking know, man.

[gildedbarbarian]

Okay, we’re going to try this again. Critical Role has done a million things for me over the course of the 4.5 years I’ve been aware of it. I’ve attached myself deeply and unflinchingly to characters and plotlines, made and lost friends, found company when I was at my lowest, and learned how to not let loss completely wreck me. I have seen myself reflected in fuckups and godkillers, chaos-mongers and law-bearers. I have found pieces of myself in this show, one after another, that I wasn’t ever really aware that I’d lost in the first place. 

But this time, specifically, we’re talking about Opal. 

The first time I watched EXU Prime, I was in one of the darkest places of my life. I was closed off from everyone, not least of all myself, with only a vague idea of how bad things actually were for me under my mask. I couldn’t look. I didn’t dare. I wasn’t ready. So I watched it at surface level: I laughed during the pageant, I cried during the last episode. I displayed the socially appropriate level of investment in every character, every moment, every line. Like so many others, I was mind boggled by the general display of craftsmanship at the table, and by Aabria. (This was my first time really seeing her in anything at all. I’ll always be grateful for the Summer of Aabria.) I loved the series, I raved about it, and then I set it down and moved on. 

The second time I watched EXU Prime was a few months ago. Work had just started slowing down and I needed something to keep my brain occupied while I did mindless busywork at my desk. I figured why not: it had been a little over a year since I’d watched it, and I’d had fun the first time, it could only be more fun the second time, right? For the most part, I was correct. I was in stitches by the time The Crown Keepers got to breakfast in the first episode. I had so much more context for Dorian and Orym and Fearne. 

And then there was Opal. Now, in the interests of absolute transparency, Opal was a hard pill for me to swallow the first time I watched EXU Prime. She’s a masterclass in playing a character as exactly who they are without faltering, even when it’s uncomfortable. My first time around that block, I thought she was selfish and stubborn to a fault and relentlessly insecure behind the self-assured façade. I think I was right. I also think that’s why I couldn’t really look her in the eye at that time. I read once, and I promise this is relevant, that a lot of times the things that make us hate other people are the things we hate to see in ourselves. This is not always true, but it certainly was true of me with Opal. 

The real kicker is that with Opal came Ted. Ted, who I definitely considered the unheard voice of reason for her impulsive sister. Ted, who had given up so much for the safety of the one person in the world she could protect. Ted, whose sacrifice we still don’t know the extent of. Ted, who I could relate to and be unafraid of it, because she’s right and because she’d made the justifiable choices and because she was the one who got left, not the one who did the leaving. 

I was at work when it happened. I’ve gone back and scoured youtube to try to find a compilation of the Opal and Ted conversations from EXU Prime so that I could get the exact quote down word for word, but haven’t been able to find one. The gist, at least as I heard it, was this: Opal wanted distance, wanted power that was hers, wanted to be an individual without the baggage of her past weighing her down or the shadow of her sister just out of sight. She wanted to stand on her own two feet. Without help, without hinderance, without interference. She wanted to be just Opal. And Ted wanted to keep her safe. Would give anything, everything, in fact had already done so, to keep Opal safe. Because she couldn’t see herself without her, because her purpose was to protect her. Because she didn’t know how to do anything else. 

There’s this thing in therapy called inner child work, and it’s the hardest part of the healing process for me. Every step of it is painful, every Little Me I’ve had to look in the eye is a gut punch. But there’s one in particular that I’ve been ignoring willfully for years. She’s waited in my periphery, patient and resigned, for the day that I could give her even a fraction of my attention. That day was a few a months ago. 

I had to get up from my desk after the scene was over because I was beside myself. Literally having a breakdown at my desk, I rushed off to the bathroom to try to pull myself together. It wasn’t the first time, and it probably won’t be the last. Calming down took over 20 minutes of box breathing and other grounding methods, working my way back into some semblance of being present in myself.

And when I got there? All I heard was Her. Over and over again. Almost like she was screaming, like she’d been screaming for years. I’ve been holding this for too long. I can’t do it alone anymore. I need help. I need you. I did this to keep us safe, but it’s too heavy. Help me. Please. I’m afraid of what will happen if I let go. 

I was Opal. She was Ted. 

Both were me. 

I’m still figuring out what all of that means. All I know for sure is that I’m grateful: I don’t know how long it would have taken me to hear Her without Opal and Ted. It’s not easy. There are still days that I have a hard time looking her in the eye, but it’s a start that I needed to heal. 

[razorblade180]

Twin Snowflakes 47:Who are you?

TSF 46 <-

“Where am I?” Nick said, dazed and confused as he began to wander. Nothing but thick plumes of fog around him and a bitter cold under his feet.

“Helloo…?” He spoke cautiously. The area wasn’t the only thing clouded. Poor boy rubbed his head while trying to recollect his thoughts. Let’s see: walked to school, searched for Summer, then… “Oh, right.” He placed his right hand over his stomach. “Crap…”

That’s right. Then Shiva happened. Nick could feel the fear creep up his skin and an emptiness began to swell. Did he…die? Is this what’s left when all is said and done. Nick wanted to shake the thoughts away but couldn’t. Not when it was all so confusing.

“No, this can’t be happening.”

“Oh it’s happening~” a calm, quiet voice uttered passed the boy’s ears that made him jolt.

Nick immediately turned around. “Who’s there!?” Fog swirled around him like a tight vortex before fanning out like blown candle smoke. He was in his house, but not the manor. His family’s first home. A lofty apartment in Argus.

“What the…” he was at a loss for words. Old smells of spices, slight dust, and even the varnished floors brought back memories. It had felt like a lifetime ago since he was here. Before inheritance was reclaimed, the cutlery was real silver, and…

“Give it back!” A little girl yelled, chasing her brother furiously down the hall. “Nicholas!!”

The child blew a raspberry as he waved around Summer’s stuffed rabbit overhead. He climbed up the couch out of her reach while she whined.

“I said give it back!”

“No! You are my cookies!”

“Our cookies! Dad said to share!”

“Dad also said to eat desserts for desserts only. You’re going to get fat!” He stuck his tongue out, making the older version of himself groan.

Summer began to cry like any young child would. The real Nicholas sat on the couch as the memory played out. He stared up at the ceiling for several seconds before looking to his left to see it got to the part Summer had yanked his foot off the couch and they were fighting on the floor. Why was he here?

“You remember this?”

“Of course I do.” He answered the voice annoyingly. Nick wasn’t about to ask the obvious question about who he was speaking to, knowing somehow it wouldn’t give him a satisfying answer. “Why does this matter?”

“You really hated her.”

“No, kids fight over stupid things. Nothing more, nothing less.” The small versions of themselves poofed into fog again and again to display different memories. Summer would ask to play with him, but he’d refuse. She’d throw a pillow at him; he’d try to fight her. Even that one time he got locked in their dog’s kennel because of her, which he paid back making her dolls into Dolt’s chew toys. Time after time, their parents criticized both of them. Nick could see the irritation on the younger him.

“Forever out of sync. It’s almost like she slowed you down. Hate may be a strong word but you two certainly weren’t on even ground.”

“What’s your point? Children bicker. We got over it.”

“No. You eventually just felt guilty.”

Everything vanished this time and remade the vortex. When it dissipated, Nick’s eyes darken as he sat on the shoreline of a lake. In front of him was a massive explosion of white and standing in between was himself again; right arm still out after throwing one of his ice skates before the shock wave sent him flying back. Just like how it sent his mother slamming against the frozen lake, and his sister crashing into it. This out of body experience made his gut drop. The horror on his dad’s face as he dove to save Summer. The panic that instantly hit Weiss as she scrambled towards him. He had forgotten the specifics of that day.

The quickly faded then appeared again with his family and self next to him. Nick felt pins and needles in his skill and a lump in his throat as Summer laid in the snow, skin tinted a chilling blue. Except for the spots that bled from Diamond Dust puncturing her body. Nick made the same look of abject horror he did when he was little.

“How often does this plague your dreams? Oh how you wish it was only a nightmare. The mistake that changed everything. No matter how much time passes, it all started with you.”

The environment changed again to the hospital. His younger self stood at Summer’s bedside, quietly singing and praying over the sounds of machines beeping.

“From here on out you try to do right by her, but for your own sake. Not because you’re a good person, but because you’re a guilty one.”

“Being swallowed by guilt is proof of how deep my remorse goes, the depths of my regret and desire to do right.” Nick hastily justified

“Hmph, Is that what your therapist told you? How laughable. True or not, it’s not the only thing that manifested.”

With no warning or fog, Nick was in the manor main entrance abruptly. The lights were out and the air was still. He couldn’t find his younger self in sight, but as his eyes locked onto a Christmas tree, he understood why. It was that memory. Footsteps pitter pattered down the stairs as Summer skipped. Her hair glowed a pure white and icy eyes lit up the dark. Even seeing her this small, Shiva unnerved him.

The being looked around humming. “Nick? Helloooo? Let’s talk a little bit.” Her voice was deceptively innocent. Not that he ever fell for it. She kept singing to herself. “Let it snow let it snow let it- ah. I see you.” She turned towards the older Nick.

“What…?” He took a step back. Nick tried reaching for a blade, forgetting there was none. A sharp pain went through his abdomen that brought him to his knees. The familiar pain of being stabbed washed over him as Shiva walked closer. It felt like the dagger was in him all over again. He shouted “WAIT!”

The memory disappeared along with the pain but left him gasping and dripping sweat.

“Fear. Pure, inescapable fear.” Fog turned into the many instances of Nick running, hiding, and even fighting Shiva. “Everything you do is in service of making yourself feel better. Nothing about you is good.”

“You’re wrong!”

“AM I!?” A memory is brought forth of students laughing at Summer’s scars before Nick steps in. “Guilt.”

Another one manifests about him leaving notes for Summer after deciding to lay in bed all day. “Wouldn’t be depressed if not for you.”

A third memory of Nick watching videos of Summer fighting and reading old research notes from Penny in the middle of night. “Can’t sleep without double and then triple checking every advantage you have over your sister you claim to love so much. Love doesn’t drive your blade. It’s fear and anger; the daunting reality that you’re still paying for your idiocy. Truly, you’ve never stopped being at odds with your sister. Now look at you.”

All the fog came back again while Nick struggled to breathe. It swirled faster and faster, making countless memories of Nick rushing to Summer. Igniting flame dust under them when facing Shiva, running to her during the Paladin fight, taking Max’s hits, being the barrier in many team fights or watching from a distance; all leading up to one final memory of him bleeding on the floor. The pain in him grew worse. Breathing felt impossible and his eyes teared up.

“You truly are a pathetic fool. Every time…you know the risks. You know it’s reckless, but yet you don’t run in because that’s the only way. You aren’t watching for all the possibilities or even for Summer’s sake. No matter how many times you do it, you still did none of those things when she fell in the lake. You’ve changed nothing.”

Nick’s body hit the cold ice floor, jolting and begging for air as he clenched his chest; tears in his eyes bringing fleeting warmth. He knew all this. Nick couldn’t remember a day a thought or two plagued him, drove his movements to be correct. To feel correct. All for the hope it could mean something. In the end..it only paved the way to more mistakes with Summer, Valerie, his family, Veronica, Eliza, and now ultimately…his death. He was dying now, breaking every promise to them and himself; and it was all his fault.

“A failure to the end.”

His vision blurred, returning to the darkness. It was quiet, still. All seemed to finally end, except…

“…et …p!” A muffled, fainter voice wandered in the darkness. “…K …ET …P!!!!” It grew louder, turning from silent whispers to a violent cry. “NICK! GET UP!!!! PLEASE!!!! BE STRONG!!”

Like a diver finally reaching the surface, Nicholas gasped for air. The darkness shattered around him like broken class. Heat swelled inside his chest that spread to his limbs as he slammed the ground with his fist. The strike brought with it a blast of air that blew away all the fog that tried to devour him, leaving him stumbling to his feet. As he trembled, Nick examined himself. The sharp pain was gone. His aura grew bright white and held his blade tightly in his right hand. Nick tried desperately to gather his wits.

“Was that- ”He was once again derailed though, as the fog moved again. This time it rose high before slamming down in a funnel several feet in front of him. It pushed towards him suddenly and without warning. Nick brought his blade up to guard. He was shocked when the sound of metal clashed with it. Again the force blew the fog away, but left what came in contact. Nick’s eyes widened before sharpening.

On the other side of Mort Froide was glowing blue eyes and brilliant white hair that radiated with power and cold. He had seen those features time and time again. However, now they had his face.

“What’s wrong?” It said sharply, “Aren’t you used to having a violent twin?”

“You are not my twin.” Nick brought his left hand on his sword pushed away as he lept back. The moment his feet hit the ground he lunged forward swinging. His identical foe brought his blade up in defense, swinging back at the fury of slashes. Sparks flew and the two slid across the void.

“Why so eager to stab your face?” It tilted its head left and right to avoid harm, swinging when it could and sidestepping Nick’s assault. “I thought you loved standing around and thinking!” He smacked away the sword from his chest and went on the offensive.

Despite years of Shiva, Nick couldn’t believe what he was facing. Its bladework moved just like his own. Nick blocked a spinning slash to the right of his face, only for the blade to bounce off and go for his left which he quickly ducked. A left kick came crashing into his lower jaw, knocking him away but Nick rolled into a handspring back to his feet. His opponent was already right in front of him again about to run him through.

It was caught off guard however. Expecting another backstep, it wasn’t ready for Nick to lean forward and left. The blade missed Nick’s side and a forceful headbutt smashed into the beings nose before a slash cut across its gut with enough force to send it sliding back. It held its face in pain. “Well that’s a nice look.” It said seeing the wrathful yet calculated glare Nick sent its way.“If looks could kill.” It made the same face back, stabbing their sword into the floor to stop itself before rushing forward while yelling. Their sword dragged across the ice.

Nick placed both hands on his hilt and swung downward in sync with upward slash, canceling it out. The collision brought forth intense wind and flurries of ice. Nick’s feet briefly left the ground while his arms flew upwards on impact with Mort Froide still firmly gripped. The boy yelled as he used his strength to swing it back down faster than his enemy could recover, but was blocked despite the efforts. Both regained footing and went right back to close quarters with Nick on the defensive. Despite the clear threat before him, Nick felt as if something was…off.

The strikes, power, speed, even with this burning intensity inside of him, Nick felt abnormally calm while fighting. Everything was for lack of better word, manageable. He leaned left, ducked, then thrusted forward but the foe dodged back. No matter. Nick followed through, letting his body continue to move forward as he dug his blade the best he could into the ice and vaulted forward, kicking “It” in the stomach, sending them tumbling. Nick was confused. By no means was this fight technically easy, but it definitely wasn’t hard. Was it because there was no move done Nick hadn’t done a thousand times? No, it was more than that. Nick has dealt with Diamond Dust and fought Shiva more times than he’d like to count. Yet all of them felt far more dire, more fearful than this. Why?

The thought to himself for a second, “I need to think this through. How do I get out of-” A huge thump and gust of wind brought his enemy swings a sword in the blink of an eye. “Shit!”

“EYES OPEN!” He aimed for Nick’s right arm.

Too close to dodge and caught unfocused. Nick let his left hand let go of Mort Froide. With his right, Nick flicked his wrist to spin the sword, switching to a reverse grip. The blade now pointed towards him, under his armpit and partially blocking his upper arm. The last stitch effort had his blade catch some of the attack. Both blades still hit his arm, causing pain and knocking him to the ground with force that sent a couple feet. Nick dropped his blade on impact and landed on his back where he looked to see his attacker coming down with their sword ready to pierce through him. If it were any other fighter, using any other blade, Nick may have faltered. However, Nick knew that body and that blade. With no hesitation he brought his hands up and caught the blade between them. The cold steel slid slightly between them , but did not graze his body as he used all his might.

Even with the advantage of pushing their weight down, the being couldn’t make the sword budge! It didn’t give up however. Slowly but surely Nick wouldn’t hold out. Still, that glare he gave said otherwise.

Both struggled greatly against one another. Nick winced as his grip threatened to break. He refused to go out like this yet his body refused to cooperate. A few more seconds. That’s all he needed to outlast the struggle. It looks like he wouldn’t be granted that unfortunately. That was until a voice rang clear as day again.

“Be strong. You don’t lose, ever.”

A warmth spread again and a power endured along with a glowing aura. Wait a second, he knew this feeling. He could recognize that voice. “Val…” renewed power erupted. Somehow she was reaching him, semblance and all. Nick started pushing back with this buff but only managed to widen the gap by a few inches before the being also tried harder. Nick’s eyes witnessed its own body glowing with renewed vigor. “What!?”

“Don’t think I’ll just let you have your way!” It growled.

This wasn’t right. Was Valerie’s words reaching it as well? How could that be? She was clearly talking to- “Oh..” he said softly. Gears were finally clicking into place and if he was being honest, Nick was incredibly annoyed by it. To make things worse, that feeling would only grow if what he did next worked. “Hey! We got shit to do! Now is not the time!”

It blinked. The sword turned to fog unexpectedly and the foe jumped off of Nick and stared with an equally annoyed expression. It huffed, “Really? That’s all you got to say to that? Typical.”

“Ugh, god damnit.” Nick groaned as he sat up. “Are you… seriously just me?”

“Well what do you mean by that exactly?”

“Those insults you said, even the memories, they’re nothing I don’t already inflict on myself on the regular. Not to mention you're getting stronger because of Valerie’s semblance, which means you recognize yourself as me.”

“I think you mean that you see me as yourself.” Nick squinted at it questionably. A reasonable face. “Trust me, there’s a difference.”

“O..kay.” Nick was gonna roll with that. “So we’re the same, yet the way you answered me sounds like there’s more to it if there’s a difference.”

It sighed, finally sitting down. “That, I do not know. I assume because you don’t know either. Even so…”

“We’re far more the same than anything different. You are me but, ugh, how do I put it into words?”

Nick stared at this mirror of himself. Actually, mirror was a terrible word. It wasn't the opposite at all. Nick’s had that anger, the annoyance and cadence of a person over with everyone’s perception. Brutal and focused on himself. It’s what he let out on the battlefield. The side he always hid behind the mask. The real him, the one that opponents named… “Gilgamesh.” He said softly.

“Ha! Sure, if that makes sorting things easier. I was getting a little upset that you haven’t called me anything until now. This works for simplicity's sake, Nicholas.”

Man, Nick didn’t realize he sounded this much like a jerk when given the opportunity. No wonder people wanted to fight him. “This is weird.”

“What’s weird about it? We both know many forces are at play here. Forces we don’t completely understand but can rationalize. For example, I’m all the little bits of you that try to regulate, personified thanks to Diamond Dust.”

Nick had to think about that for a moment. Time to reflect on what facts he knew. He was having surgery that required Diamond Dust to help keep him alive long enough for his aura to heal him properly. Penny has worked with the dust on people before for medical reasons. Those people at times had short term side effects of feeling dazed or even sad. So in other words…

“This is my subconscious?” He looked around. “Why so empty? I’m always thinking about things. Then again, I am in a coma presumably clinging to life.”

“You’re thinking so you’re clearly not dead.”

That was reassuring. Though that moment darkness came now feels even scarier to him. “So we’re the same, but all the negativity and more internal thoughts brought to the forefront. I guess that checks out.”

Gilgamesh shrugs. “I don’t have all the answers, but seeing you like this is unclouding my perspective in a sense. I definitely believe you’re on track, despite a few things about myself personally I can’t really explain.”

“My guess would be the Diamond Dust. It’s the only foreign thing between the two of us from what I can tell. Never mind that for now. What’s puzzling is even when we fought, I had to on some level see you as myself. You even showed me my memories from years ago. That’s nothing like Shiva and Summer. They have independent memories. Both have been left in the dark by one another. As if they’re two different people.”

“We’ll go back to the facts. You know that can’t be correct based on what you called me. I hurt you with your own doubts. Kicked you while you were down and knew what buttons to push.”

Gilgamesh could see Nick try to sort this out. Odd, he was reaching conclusions faster than Nick. “You’re in denial, aren’t you?” He could see the boy tense up. “Do not dismiss the ugly possibilities. They’ll only go to me.”

Nick glared. It’s not like he meant to do it, pushing the nagging thoughts away to the back. He sighed with a heavy heart. Time to explore the sadder and less comprehensible possibilities. “Shiva’s actions are somehow dictated by Summer’s own thoughts.”

“Meaning?” Gilgamesh pushed. He would not let Nick look away from this. “Say it.”

Sorrow hit Nick’s heart. “My sister might want me dead.”

Silence hung in the air. It had to be acknowledged. For years they fought and struggled. It wouldn’t be right to accept that some anger and stress on his side was born from trying to help Summer, without thinking it was entirely possible Summer might absolutely hate him deep down in her heart for putting her in this predicament in the first place. Even if she may not be completely aware of it.

“I don’t know why you’re getting so sad about finally getting answers with tangible evidence to support it. Don’t forget, Summer wasn’t treated with Diamond Dust like you or anyone else. It’s entirely possible that her negativity towards everyone is only as strong as it is because of just how much dust is stuck in her system. For all you know she may hate you a healthy amount.”

That…was true. Nick jumped straight to the worse, caught up in his own guilt again. He looked at Gilgamesh, who merely shrugged. “How do you feel about all that?”

“Me? Well I can’t exactly hate her for getting upset. Your best is pretty damn slow and inconsiderate. Although…Summer hasn’t exactly been making helping her easy.” He folded his arms. “Things wouldn’t be nearly as bad if she helped herself properly.”

“Hmph.” It was funny. Hearing that felt both wrong yet satisfying. Like it was exactly what he needed. “Fair enough. I’ll chew her out when this is all over. In order for that to happen though-”

“Don’t look at me for how to wake up. This entire workshop thing we’re doing is quite the headache as is.” He looked around the vacant mind. “Might as well get a little cozy.”

Rays of sunlight rained down from an endless red sky. Nick always liked sunsets. To him they felt more like beginnings than ends; a chance to reevaluate for tomorrow with all the information gathered today. He shifted his gaze to empty space. Nick shut his eyes tightly before opening them again to see a happy white Labrador wagging its tail. Dolt, his family’s former dog.

“Summer often talked about her headspace and how it could vary. Dreams, stress, familiar sights, she said it could shift on a whim and Shiva constantly did her damnedest to assault her. Our fight was brief but daunting. Hers must feel like an endless marathon.”

“Not really a marathon if it’s endless.”

“I’m beginning to understand why Eliza isn’t exactly the happiest when she sees us.”

“Don’t act like you don’t know you can be annoying.” Gilgamesh smiled. He layed in the cold ice floor and felt the pulsing cold run through his body. “This feels…familiar.”

“We’ve been hit with our fair share of cold attacks and face plants on the skating rink.”

“True, but it isn’t that. Question, logic dictates anything in here should be derived from your memory, correct?”

“It’s my subconscious so yeah. Still, the mind can be unreliable.”

“Be that as it may, don’t you find it odd how this place manifests? Summer has told and described the headspace natural state. She’s never mentioned fog.”

“We are currently comatose in a hospital bed struggling to live. I wouldn’t say any function of my body is in a natural state at the moment. Though I can see what you’re saying. I suppose the only real way to know the extent of this experience is if I can come back once I wake.” Nick looked at Gilgamesh. He seemed to be off in his own world so to speak. Could a subconscious even have its own introspective? Nick didn’t want to think about that rabbit hole. “Please say something.”

“Are you cold?”

“Uhhh no. I feel fine? About as fine as I think I could feel. If I wasn’t then I’m sure we’d be hearing Valerie yell.”

“Ahh Val” Gilgamesh chuckled, “wanna see those memories?”

“Stay focused.” Nick demanded. Another rabbit hole of feelings that while important, was not what he wanted to think about. Gilgamesh must’ve agreed because they didn’t try pushing the topic further. “So you feel cold?”

“Yeah. I’m feeling the chill we always get.”

“Maybe don’t lay on the-” Nick paused to think for a second. “…ice.” He finished. Gilgamesh sat up and gave him a mischievous smile that made Nick wonder. “You’re guiding my train of thought. All these things, you’re saying them for a reason.”

“I cannot give you any real answers to anything you ask. It’s all what you personally sort out. However…” he places his hand against his chest. “The differences between us, the extra inside me, I feel drawn to act; compelled towards more of those differences. These aren’t your feelings. They’re something else entirely.”

Nick’s eyes widened. “You’re sensing Diamond Dust under the ice?” He looked down again. “It’s not like it’s the lake, or real for that matter. It’s just this massive never ending floor.”

“Do you really believe that?”

Another question as if Gilgamesh as prying for specific information. Nick didn’t understand what the being wanted him to think over. What was compelling it? Why was Gilgamesh getting a chill? Shiva? Nicholas tried to make logical sense of it. Gilgamesh sensing her could be possible. Not only because of the dust connection but also because Nick wouldn’t say he had anything but negative thoughts on her. Nick’s general unease about her might be finding its way to his friend. Then there was whatever outside might bring. Shiva physically might be close to his body. That would mean she got inside the hospital. Could Valerie’s screams for earlier be-

“No.” He said to himself, shaking his head to dismiss that kind of thinking. Gilgamesh once again didn’t bring up that intrusive moment. Nick was fine with puzzles but this was annoying. If Shiva was outside, he’d have no way of confirming. Then again, given recent circumstances, Nick was confident if she was close then he’d be dead. That only leaves her presence being felt from inside which isn’t possible. Shiva exists in Summer’s headspace doing gods knows what. He thought back to the last time he saw her. The headspace began changing again to recreate the fresh memory of him bleeding on the cold metal ground as she stood over him ready to kill.

Gilgamesh was impressed by the sudden recreation. Too bad he didn’t care for this particular memory. Their eyes narrowed as they looked at Shiva. “What does she have to cry about?”

“If I remember correctly, Shiva gloated about my failure to realize the danger. How Summer was screaming inside the entire time for me to go.” Nick deflated, “my guess is those are Summer’s tears.” He still found their connection hard to believe. Those two were just so different. Maybe he didn’t really know his sister at all? Nick hugged his knees. Then, he started to let that thought sink in. Maybe…he didn’t know his sister at all. His eyes began to widen. “Gilgamesh?”

“Honestly it’s kinda funny you calm me as if I can’t somewhat immediately sense your thoughts.”

“Shut up and listen. Earlier we established that on some subconscious, I saw you and knew it was me. Rather, I perceived you to be me. The way you talked, the insults, etc. I recognized them. Do you think..” he stopped and rephrased, remembering what Gilgamesh said about answers. “I think Summer and Shiva are so out of sync and disconnected because Summer can’t imagine herself like that.”

“What, upset and violent?”

“No. Strong and capable” the fog faded and reformed as dozens upon dozens of Summer’s at various ages crying, scared, and shutting away from the world. “Without the stage, she was never confident. Always second guessing.”

“You’re partly to blame. Always rushing in. Then I’m other cases where she may try to stand stall..”

He added another memory that made Nick’s gut twist. It was the two of them yelling at each other after the doubles round for the tournament.

“Like I said, you never really stopped fighting. You just always found reasons to pin blame on yourself or felt obligated to fold. Not this time though. She had it coming a bit though if you ask me.”

“That doesn’t matter.” Nick frowned as he looked at the memory. “I don’t listen just as much as her.”

“Is that all to your current theory about Shiva?”

“More or less. Diamond Dust affects the mind. Can’t see why a large amount on top of low self esteem, depression, and all the other exhausting things our head inflicts on us could be too much to handle. Shiva is so cocky. She knows she’s smart, powerful, thinks nobody can handle her, and that she’s gorgeous. If you’re the side of myself I try to cover with a mask,then maybe Shiva is everything Summer doesn’t think she is but wants to be?” Nick walked closer to the memory. His fists clenched in his folded arms as he subdued a low grown.

“Are you displeased with your own idea? Just because it’s an answer you don’t like-”

“Doesn’t mean I shouldn’t be proud of finding one. I’m not upset that it’s the best I can come up with or that it may even be true. I’m upset that it took such drastic measures to arrive at simple introspection.”

“Can you really hold yourself accountable for such a thing? Why the hell should you, a child, have all the answers right away? Nobody has ever seen anything like this. Are you going to be upset if all of this is wrong and it’s an entirely different reason? No, because you’re working with what you have. Get over yourself. No matter how you care about anyone or anything, it doesn’t make you the one that’s gonna solve everything. At this point you might have accomplished more than Penny.”

“Now that last part is pure ego. She’s currently the main reason we’re alive right now.”

“I’ll give you that one. I wonder how her mind would even perceive the subconscious?”

Nick couldn’t help but think of binary code. “Who can say? The mind is annoying. But I guess I shouldn’t be complaining since I’ve only been in here..uhh, umm.” He looked at Gilgamesh.

“What? I don’t have a watch. Don’t concern yourself with problems that may not exist. Not when there’s an immediate one before you. After all, you just praised Penny for her abilities. Summer never lost a drastic amount of time when she was in her headspace.”

“Because everyone was doing all they could to bring her back each time. I can’t fathom how everything is in their head right now. It could be a battlefield for all we know. Ruined forests or a demolished room. Her favorite snowboarding mountain on the worst possible day, all the chaotic space with that giant c-”

It finally clicked in his head, the meaning behind Gilgamesh’s quest about logic and memory. Summer had told Nick the countless environments that’s been in her head,along with the one trait that kept persisting; the vast ceiling of ice that only seemed to be disturbed whenever she was regaining control. Gilgamesh didn’t say a word to Nick and he didn’t have to. Once again, Nick stared at the floor.

“Ah, I see.” He said pensively. All the chills over the years, they potentially had an intriguing and unusual answer. “But why is it like this? How

even?”

Gilgamesh shrugged, cracking a smile. “Call it what you always do. A twin thing. Now then…I think that’s all we got.”

“All we got?” Nick watched the fog begin to clear. A strange, lucid sensation came over his mind like a wave that made him lightheaded. He looked over at Gilgamesh to see his body begin to get blurry.”

“Gil?”

“Ha! You’re doing nicknames now? Little late for that. Though I suppose you can spread it around to everyone outside.”

So that was it. His body must be waking up. “Will I ever see you again?”

A ridiculous question. Gilgamesh laughed at it in good faith as Nick looked at him with concern. “You make it sound like you’re losing someone important. Get a grip. There’s never been a day I wasn’t with you. There’s no person in our life that doesn’t know I exist. Every glare, every fight, every real emotion and aspiration, it’s always me they see. I believe you’ve heard it countless times before?”

Nick chuckled, “Heh, I got it written all over my face.” He folded his arm. “Guess I don’t have to thanks then. Always knew I had it in myself.”

“Tsk, still a terrible liar.”

Just like that, everything faded, becoming darkness once again. However, Nick didn’t feel fear or strain like the first time. Instead he felt light pressure on his chest that wrapped around his arms. Muted muffles gradually became clear and blinding light filled his vision as his eyes tried adjusting. When he finally came to, he realized he was sitting up and the pressure on him only got a bit tighter. Nick looked down to see the top of familiar orange hair crying against him

“V..al?” His voice was weak and dry.

His friend kept holding on to him. “You’re okay!” She whimpered, “You’re finally okay.”

Despite his time in bed, Nick felt exhausted. That was natural of course but even so, he didn’t even have the energy to hug back. He could already tell that his body felt lighter and his mouth could still taste some anesthetic. Hospitals truly were the definition of necessary evil in his eyes. Though he was incredibly biased thinking such a thing. He flexed his arms outward which got Valerie to let go now that she had calmed down. Nick gasped seeing her finally sit up and face him directly. Now he was aware he was still gathering himself, but last time he checked, Valerie had a short pixie cut. Now he was getting middle school and childhood flashbacks as orange turned into black near her ears and just barely rested over her shoulder in the form of a braid. Valerie must’ve noticed his reaction but chose to smile softly and rub his arm. Uh oh, that didn’t inspire comfort.

Tired, Nick looked at the beeping machines that showed his vitals. Screw it. He can take a little shock. He looked right back at Valerie and got straight to the point. “How long?” He sighed.

Valerie was hesitant. “It’s…been three months.”

Three full months in the world’s biggest snow globe, and Shiva was living in it.

“Ah.” Nick said, letting that fact sink in. “Well then, that’s not good.” His mind was catching up and so was the beeping of several machines. “That’s not good at all.”

[willsimpforanyone]

Heyy! You're writing is amazing! Can you do a PJO headcanon of a daughter of Apollo being best friends with the 7? My pronouns are she/her. I'm from the Apollo cabin and I'm a lesbian. I have curly blonde hair and green eyes with central heterochromia (gold ring around my pupil). I'm skilled at picking up instruments, writing poetry, and art. I'm also known to have a gift of prophecy at church. I would want the power of manipulating sunlight. The poetry, music, and art are more of talents and not full blown powers like the prophecy one and the manipulating sunlight one. I'm incredibly sassy, dramatic, intelligent, kind, and caring. If people are mean to me I am not one to be quiet about it, i will call them out and be rude back. I love amusement parks, but I can also get down with something more calm like a book store and a coffee shop. I love yellow hydrangeas and roses. I love animals (I've had 7 pets in my life). Ironically, im scared of needles, snakes, and Thalassophobia (idk how to explain it lol). When I was younger, my mom was bed ridden because she was sick and my dad worked all of the time, so I practically raised my younger siblings (if I had to choose how old I would be, i would be a year older than Will so he can still be a kid, but a year younger than Percy). My fatal flaw is self-sacrificing. I have anxiety and seasonal depression. I also dont like to be touched, unless if it's a girl im dating bc of trauma in the past. I don't know if you even needed or wanted a description of the daughter of Apollo, so I hope this was ok. Thank you so much in advance!

unbelievably specific lol but i can certainly do my best!

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Percy Jackson This kid would adore you. You'd be like his little sister along with Estelle. The pair of you reach dangerous levels of sass like gods forbid anyone tries to fuck with the you two while you're together because you will End Them.

Annabeth Chase Can and will drag you to bookstores. Not many of the others read as much as she does so she will lure you out of camp with promises of hardback novels and caffeine. Also treats you like a little sister, looks after you and will physically fight anyone who tries to hurt you.

Piper McLean As a child of Aphrodite, she has an aesthetic appreciation for your central heterochromatic eyes. Is excellent at handling your anxiety and providing distractions. Once she gets comfortable with you, she will absolutely point out every cute girl in your vicinity and tease you when you blush.

Jason Grace Often jokes about how you, him and Annabeth look like a weird blonde family with different eyes. Is always down to ride rollercoasters with you, of course, he loves the adrenaline. Works with you to make cool things with the sunlight by adjusting clouds a certain way.

Leo Valdez This bitch is dramatic as fuck and we all know it, so you two together are a damn Shakespearean tragedy. One thing goes wrong? You're monologuing about the cruelness of the world, how you're tormented in this life by screws that fall out of fidgets and pencils that always break.

Hazel Levesque Makes requests of old 40s tunes on different instruments and dances shyly while you play. If she's feeling adventurous, she'll walk round camp with you asking for random prophecies about things like a flower or a squirrel, just for practice.

Frank Zhang Is awesome at cheering you up. Pick an animal, he's gonna chase the depression away with it. Even if it's like a snail. It'll be a slow chase but he'll do it. Is also great at just sitting with you when animals just aren't doing the trick and will stay with you until you feel a bit better

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i hope you enjoyed, thank you for requesting!

[starshapedkookie]

Southpaw

pairing: jungkook x female reader (ft. a little sprinkle of namjoon)

genre: childhood friends to lovers, boxer jungkook, college/frat au

includes: swearing, angst, mentions of blood and violence, pining, smut (public/private, unprotected sex, hair pulling, jungkook is big guys, duh), alcohol, smoking weed, jungkook seems like an asshole but he’s really not, OC having a crisis every two seconds, some fluff here and there as well, also this takes place over many months just saying if time gets confusing

premise: Knowing Jeon Jungkook for the better part of your life, you thought you knew everything about him. Well, that was before you two disappeared from each other’s lives at least. When Jungkook suddenly finds himself buying you a coffee to rekindle your friendship, it leads to much more than you bargained for.

word count: 30k (she’s a monster sorry guys) 

quick note: this is my first story back in a year(?) give or take some weeks!! kind of nervous to post & not sure if my writing has declined in anyway but nonetheless here is the beast that has been sitting on my computer since April 2019!! quick disclaimer I don’t know much about boxing so if I get stuff wrong - I apologize!! please enjoy & let me know what you think ❤️happy 7 years BTS!

recommended songs for reading: pray (JRY, RuthAnne), mushroom chocolate (6lack, quin), hallucinate (dua lipa), wus good/curious (partynextdoor)

_____

The evening was slow—after all, it was only a Wednesday. You had just finished serving a table of two—a young man and young woman—presumably on a midweek date. You didn’t recognize either of them which wasn’t surprising considering the campus grossed about 20,000 people. You began to wipe down tables out of boredom, glancing at the clock every two minutes hoping it would jump to when your shift was over in forty-five minutes. Thankfully, you didn’t have much work to do when you got home, but you are wishing to get in bed before 10:30 to get a full eight hours of sleep for your lectures tomorrow—something you had not had in about two months. Most days, like today, you were running on five hours of sleep and five cups of coffee. It wasn’t healthy, you knew that much, but it’s how you had to live your life. Your schedule was too demanding to hit the snooze button multiple times. You had shit to do—and getting your degree was the top priority.

“Y/N,” your coworker, Mark, called your name from behind of the counter.

“Yeah?” You respond.

“Will you come help me clean this out?” He asks you and you nod diligently.

“Of course,” you say, dropping your current task of wiping already clean tables. Mark was the one student that worked here you could stand to be around. He was very much like you in the sense that school came before anything—he too was on a full academic scholarship. He worked here before you, but he made you feel the most comfortable out of everyone. You would consider him a close friend at this point.

The espresso machine was a pain in the ass to clean and did call for two people most of the time. Besides, you would rather smell the remnants of coffee beans than the harsh chemicals of bleach gliding across a table.

“You have much work to do after your shift?” He asks you.

“No, thank god,” you shake your head, “I got most of my shit done between my classes today. You?”

“I have to write a ten page paper by midnight,” he sighs, “And guess how many pages I have started.”

You give him a short glance, “I’m gonna take a wild guess and say zero.”

“Damn right,” he smiles. A short silence between you two ensues before he speaks again, “Oh! Did I tell you I’m graduating early?”

“What? Really?” You look at him and an excited grin plays on his face. “When?”

“Yeah, I spoke to my advisor this afternoon and turns out, the classes I’m taking this semester is all I need for my degree,” he speaks with a relieved tone.

“Wow, that’s awesome,” you say genuinely, “I wish that was me,” you give out a small chuckle.

“I’m just glad I don’t have to keep stressing over this hell-hole,” he laughs, “The sooner I get out of here, the better.”

“I feel you on that,” you say, “I’m proud of you nonetheless, you’ve worked your ass off dealing with this scholarship.”

He gives you a small smile in return but it’s broken by the bell ringing from the door, signaling a new customer has decided to come in. Your eyes break from Mark’s and glance over to the door, your head doing a double take.

Your mouth goes dry when you see them—more specifically—him. 

No, it wasn’t the first time you’ve seen him, but you couldn’t remember the last time you had seen him outside of a frat party on the weekends. And truly, it was your first time getting a good look at him in awhile. You felt nervous—though you had no reason to be nervous. You had known him since long before your days as university students, but since you weren’t plastered in this scenario, looking at him seemed more like a chore than ever.

“You want me to get their table?” Mark asks you and you look back at him.

“No, I got it,” you say, throwing down the cleaning cloth, wiping your hands on your apron.

The small group of boys are too busy in their own conversation to see you approaching them. You clear your throat before grabbing some menus off of the podium.

“Hey guys, welcome,” your voice breaks their conversation. The three men your age turn to you all at once and a small smile erupts from one of them.

“Y/N? I didn’t know you worked here?” Taehyung—another person you knew all too well—smiles and speaks brightly

“Yup,” you say simply, “Just been here a little over a month,” you explain pressing the best smile you can muster up. “C’mon, I’ll get you seated and get your order in.”

You lead them towards the back of the small restaurant, seating them in a booth. As they follow you from behind, you can feel their eyes burning into your back and you feel like screaming at the top of your lungs. They sit down and you pass out the menus.

“What would you guys like to drink?” You ask, putting a hand on your hip.

“I’ll take a coke,” Hobi—you remember his name easily as you see him around in a few of your classes.

“Coke as well,” Taehyung says.

“Jungkook?” His name rolls off your tongue and it sounds foreign. You couldn’t remember the last time you had said it, let alone to his face. His brown eyes meet yours and he clears his throat.

“I’ll just take a water,” he finally speaks, his gaze breaking just as fast as it met yours.

“I’ll get those right out,” a grimace spreads on your face and you turn on your heels to fulfill their drink orders. You hadn’t expected the encounter to be so awkward and have so much tension—but what did you expect?

Your relationship with Jeon Jungkook was a strange one to say the least. You had known him longer than anyone you associated with—you meet each other at the tender age of eight in elementary school. You remember that day so vividly.

You had been assigned a seat right beside of him the first day of school. He kept his eyes away from you. Being the energetic child you were, you were expecting him to introduce himself but—he never did. It actually took being in school a whole week to get him to talk to you. You nudged his arm with your elbow and his eyes meet yours for the first time. You smiled at him, “I like your shirt,” to which he responded a small, “Thank you.” He picked at his nails and you smiled at him again, “I’m Y/N,” though he would already know that sitting beside of you. “I’m Jungkook,” he spoke again with a shy smile. That day would change both of your lives—all thanks to you and your mouth that couldn’t shut the hell up.

Four years later, at the age of twelve, Jungkook was your best friend. For four years, he was the one person you had came to all about your problems—he as well. The two of you would complain equally about school, he would complain about his older brother picking on him, you would complain about your younger sister bothering you nonstop—the two of you were more alike in more ways than you could imagine. Despite getting older and more different, you and Jungkook shared the same friend group. You had met a girl named Kim Jennie during a pre-algebra class and Jungkook had met a lively kid named Kim Taehyung—no they weren’t related but you often joked about it. It was nice having another close friend instead of just having Jungkook—especially a girl. You and Jennie had more in common than you and Jungkook and Jungkook and Taehyung and more in common than you two. But—the four of you clicked and you spent nearly everyday with each other.

At sixteen, a lot of stuff had changed. Yes, you, Jungkook, Taehyung, and Jennie had all remained best friends, but high school was definitely not the same as middle school. You and Jennie joined the tennis team, Jungkook and Taehyung joined the soccer team—Jungkook also joining the baseball team—which kept the four of you more separated than you would have liked. The four of you all sat together at lunch each day, but as each day passed, something felt different with Jungkook. And then, halfway through your second year of high school, the news broke that Jungkook had a girlfriend—a cute girl named Yuna—who was actually older than him by a year. You felt indifferent about it. He didn’t speak to you as much as he used to and he would ditch you, Jennie and Taehyung to hang out with her. It didn’t bother Jennie or Taehyung as much as it bothered you—but then again—you had known him since you were eight and it felt weird not being Jungkook’s number one girl. You hated to say it—but you were jealous and you had no idea why.

Two years had passed, the four of you all eighteen and fully legal now. It was the end of your last year of high school and you could not be more ready to leave. Growing up through high school together, the thought of all of you going to the same university was a dream. The four of you were excited to move on to new things. Jungkook and Yuna had broken up a few months prior, not being able to work through the distance of her being away at college. Jungkook soon started molding back to how he was before—texting you throughout the day, complaining, just being Jungkook—you were happy, happier than when he was with Yuna. It was May when you had received the news that you had been offered a full ride academic scholarship. You cried and cried tears of joy—finally busting your ass for so long had paid off. Jungkook was so proud of you, though he didn’t outwardly show it, the way he looked at you when you had told him was all you needed. Taehyung suggested it—a small celebration of sorts for you—a.k.a. the four of you getting absolutely plastered in his basement. Taehyung had managed to steal some alcohol from his parents and before the four of you knew it, beers had been downed and half a bottle of tequila had been drank. You were laying on the floor, giggling at everything Jennie did, dancing around the room with a bottle of vodka in hand. Jungkook had laid down beside of you, his eyes boring deep onto you. You crane your neck and give him a small smile, not realizing how little space was between the two of you. Jungkook supports himself on an elbow and it was then you had realized how handsome Jungkook had actually become. He spent so long away from you when he was dating Yuna, you didn’t realize how much he had grown into his features. That night—was singlehandedly the best and worst night of your life.

You had no idea what came over you, but you stood up throwing out your hand for Jungkook to take. He grabbed it with no hesitation, him towering over you as your chests touched and it was the closest the two of you had ever been. Jungkook had looked over to Jennie and Taehyung, still drinking and acting stupid, before grabbing your hand and pulling you into the closest bathroom and shutting the door. Your heart was beating out of your chest and you grip his shirt tightly. The next few moments are a blur—Jungkook kisses you—actually kisses you. He gripped your waist tightly, pushing you against the door. A small whine emitted from your lips as he pulled away and you couldn’t believe this was actually happening. He kissed you again, pulling your thigh up to rest in his hand. This was wrong—so wrong in so many ways. But neither of you stopped until a bang from the other side of the door broke the steamy makeup session.

That night changed everything between you two. Neither of you talked about it ever again. Despite being so drunk to the point of blacking out—you remember every detail—and so did he. That summer, you and Jungkook grew apart. And it was the worst thing to ever happen to you.

Now, at twenty-one, almost through university, you had interacted with Jungkook only a handful of times. You had studied together a few times your freshman year, but after your first year, you could count on your hands how many times you had seen each other. Most of the time, only seeing him at parties with other girls hanging off of him. It was painful to see. Even after 3 years of a drunken kiss in Taehyung’s bathroom, it hurt more than ever to see Jungkook with other girls—but at the same time you didn’t care. You had moved on and so did he. You two were now strangers but your life was good—you didn’t need him like you used to think. And he seemingly didn’t either.

“Y/N? Earth to Y/N?” Mark nudged you out of your obnoxiously long reverie and you jumped out of your skin. “Are you okay?” He asks.

You look down and realize that you haven’t taken the three of them their drinks, the ice now watering them down to shit.

“Y-yeah, I’m just tired is all,” you begin to pour out the drinks to get new ones before Mark stops you.

“Here, I’ll handle them,” he says, “You can go home early, it’s fine,” he smiles.

“A-are you sure?” You ask him, not wanting to leave him by himself.

“Yeah, it’s about closing time anyways. Just head out, I’ll close,” he nods with a smile and you can’t help but to throw you arms around him.

“Jesus, thank you. I promise I’ll make it up to you one day,” you tell him pulling away. You wash your hands quickly and throw off your apron.

“Get home safe,” he says and you tell him the same before grabbing your bag. You glance one last time to the table in the back and unexpectedly, Jungkook is staring at you. It makes your breathing hitch and you turn around on your heel quickly, not wanting to linger on his gaze longer than you need to.

_____

The weekend comes slower than you would like, but it’s Friday which means one thing—time to go out and get a much needed dose of social life. You and Jennie had found yourself at the Beta Tau Sigma crush party at their fraternity house that evening.

“Here you go, m’lady,” Namjoon comes into your peripheral vision, handing you a drink he specially made just for you.

“Thanks,” you give him a small smile. You take a huge gulp without hesitation—you trusted Namjoon with your life. Not only was he on academic scholarship too, he was also the president of this fraternity which meant if he didn’t act straight—he would face serious consequences. The mix of brains, being ridiculously handsome, and being in a fraternity was a recipe for disaster—he was your type—bonafide. You were his type too which is maybe why the two of you clicked so well, particularly in bed.

“My feet are fucking killing me,” you groan glancing down at your heels, rolling your eyes in the back of your head. Namjoon throws an arm over your shoulder, pulling you closer to him.

“At least you look hot as fuck,” he lips brush against your ear and you give him a glare.

“Isn’t hot kind of a degrading term in today’s world?” You press.

He narrows his eyes at you, “Fine—you look beautiful, cute, sexy—is that better?”

“Much better,” you nod playfully and Namjoon gets bold—pulling you even closer to him for a small peck on your lips. Eyes linger on the two of you but you couldn’t care. So many girls would love to be in your position and you feel lucky to have captivated Namjoon at least for now. Besides, he was good at fucking and you needed stress relief, as did he.

Unsuspecting, Jungkook waltzed his way into the room and he immediately stops when he sees the sight of you and his older brother Namjoon. He had heard rumors about the two of you, which he brushed off—you would never go after someone like Namjoon—oh who is he kidding? You and Namjoon are the same person and it kills Jungkook inwardly. The way Namjoon is nuzzled into your neck and the way you're smiling, giggling to every word he says, makes him feel uncomfortable. You looked so different at parties than how he saw you a few days ago at your work. Your legs looked sexy as fuck in your short black dress, your hair flowed down beautifully as opposed to being thrown up, the way red lipstick painted your mouth made him semi hard. Jesus, how after all this time, does he still think about you like this?

Your eyes break away from Namjoon and your smile falls when they meet a familiar set of doe eyes from across the room. Your breath hitches and Jungkook looks so handsome you want to die. His dark hair is slightly parted, his button up is undone at the top, and his legs fulfill his pants better than any guy here. He downs two shots, not breaking his gaze from you. You feel intimidated by his gaze and presence, despite having seen him at these things multiple times. The only difference is that now—he’s giving you some attention that you weren’t ready for.

Your gaze breaks away from each other when a group of loud boys—including Taehyung as well as Kai, another brother within the fraternity—come rushing into the room, hauling a keg in tow.

“Hyung! Come on,” Taehyung teases drunkenly as they set down the keg. There are many hyung’s for Taehyung in the room to not have specified which one he was talking about, until he deadpans on Namjoon. “Namjoon-hyung, come on!”

Namjoon begins to shake his head in protest, “I’d rather not,” he puts his hands up, keeping his distance from Taehyung, “Gotta keep an eye on this one tonight,” he nudges you and Taehyung’s eyes widen when her realizes it’s actually you, standing beside of his older brother.

“Y/N! Hey! What’s up! Didn’t expect to see you here, especially with this one again,” he narrows his eyes to Namjoon.

“Hi Taehyung,” you give him a small smile.

“Do a keg stand with me?” His eyes bulge out like a puppy dog and your own widens in shock at the question.

“Oh no,” you protest, looking up at Namjoon, “Last time I did a keg stand was freshman year and I said never again,” you explain to him. He gives you a pout.

“Fuck,” Taehyung says, “Well who is gonna do this shit with me then?” He sounds impatient and frustrated.

“Get Jungkook too—he’s been looking over in this direction for too long, give ‘em something to do,” Namjoon says and you look up at him. Did he notice Jungkook looking at you? Shit.

“Hell yeah, that little shit will definitely do it,” Taheyung smirks and yells for Jungkook to come over. Jungkook is preoccupied with a girl before Taehyung breaks his mojo from across the room. Jungkook sees Taehyung and you standing together and he furrows his eyebrows. He excuses himself from his pussy date for the night and saunters his way over towards your direction. You keep your eyes anywhere but Jungkook as he approaches you.

“Hey hyung,” Jungkook greets Namjoon, “Y/N,” he says slowly and you tense up. “What do you want Taehyung?” He spits out. He’s clearly buzzed as the attitude coming off of his tongue is stronger than usual.

“Do this fucking keg stand with me pussy,” Taehyung presses and Jungkook scrunches his nose.

“Fuck no,” Jungkook responds and Taehyung rolls his eyes.

“Come onnnn,” he drags out, begging his life long best friend to do it.

“Absolutely not, I’ve done it once and I said never again,” Jungkook says and your eyes nearly pop out of your head. Taehyung looks at you and Jungkook and shakes his head.

“I swear you two are the same person in a different body, it’s weird,” Taehyung says, “Your loss,” and Taehyung is soon leaving your side to find someone else to do his proposition.

Jungkook is left standing in front of you and Namjoon in an awkward silence.

“Don’t forget, you’re on clean up duty Jeon,” Namjoon raises an eyebrow at the younger man.

Jungkook groans, “Fine, whatever hyung,” his words run together as he gives you a final glance, “See you later Y/N,” is the last thing he says before he walks away to find the girl he was smooching up prior.

Namjoon gives you a weird look before you are furrowing eyebrows at him, “What?” You ask.

“What’s up with you two?” He asks motioning over to Jungkook.

“What do you mean?” You gulp down your drink hoping to hide the nervousness in your tone.

“Didn’t you two use to be like, best friends or some shit?” He asks.

You shrug your shoulders, “Yeah, when we were kids,” you chuckle.

Namjoon doesn’t seemed convinced, “I remember you two hanging out a lot during Jungkook's freshman year here, what happened?”

You shrug once again, “People grow apart,” you answer simply, not wanting to go in detail how one kiss basically ruined whatever your friendship was with him. Namjoon suddenly smiles, a dimple showing in his left cheek.

“You know he talks about how hot you are? Not all of the time, but I’ve heard it before,” he laughs and you freeze in your spot.

“What are you trying to prove by interrogating me Joon?” You say with some attitude. That was the least thing you expected to come out of his mouth.

“Hey, I’m just asking questions!” He defends himself, “I just didn’t know if something happened between you two—like you dated or something and shit got weird, I don’t know… just curious,” he chuckles a bit.

You eyes widen and you feel yourself getting warm, “Oh no, we never dated or…anything like that…” you trail off. “We’ve just grown apart, we’re too different now.”

Namjoon raises an eyebrow at you, “According to Taehyung you two are the same person.”

You glare at him, “Get me another drink,” you shove your cup into his hand and see laughs at you before sauntering away for a few seconds. He comes back with a full glass and you down half of it in a few seconds.

“Ew,” you scrunch up your nose. Nice, you think to yourself.

“Maybe you should talk to him? I’m sure having an old friend is nice every once in awhile,” Namjoon continues, clearly interested in your history with Jungkook.

“I have Jennie,” you answer, “Besides, conversation goes both ways. If he really wanted to be friends again, he could talk to me.” You knew that answer was stupid. Jungkook didn’t even speak to you when you were younger. You were the one that initiated the friendship, not him, and you knew that.

“Whatever you say space cowboy,” Namjoon draws out and you give him a glare.

“Did you just quote Kacey Musgraves?” You ask with a small smile on your face.

“Fuck yeah I did,” he smirks, “She’s a gay icon are you kidding me, I’m obsessed with her.”

“Joonie, you’re not even gay,” you laugh.

“So? I love anyone who supports gay rights! Don’t discriminate my quotes!” He defends himself and you cannot help but laugh at him.

“Let’s go dance,” you grab his hand and pull him out of the kitchen onto the main dance floor. Namjoon was perhaps one of the more attractive people you’ve met here in your four years. He oozed sex appeal and charisma, which is why anytime he wanted to hang out or take you to a party—you obliged. If it meant getting in his bed at the end of the night, wearing the heels was worth it.

Namjoon puts his hands on your waist and the two of you dance to music in the crowded dance floor. Namjoon grabs a bottle of liquor from one of his other brothers who you have never met before and the two of you share a nice gulp of the cheap—but very strong—vodka.

You haven’t had too much to drink but you know if you drink anymore, you will not make it back to your apartment. You push the bottle away from you and turn to face Namjoon. His brown eyes stare into yours with a glassy, tipsy appearance, and he smirks at you.

“What?” You question him as his grip gets tighter on you.

“I wasn’t lying when I said you looked hot,” he says smoothly and you roll your eyes yet again.

“How sweet,” you grumble, biting down on your bottom lip. Without a warning, he leans in and pecks your lips gently. The alcohol in your veins surges through you as you lean back in and close the gap. Even in your heels, you still have to crane your neck some to fully reach his stature. His hands grip your waist tightly and you tug at his light brown locks, pulling him impossibly closer to you.

He presses himself into you a little bit harder and you can tell he wants you, his hands gripping one at your waist and the other one in your hair. Everything around you goes blank was it only feels like the two of you in the room together. Unfortunately, your moment is ruined when someone bumps into the two of you, knocking you apart. Namjoon steadies you and he glares at the two girls that ran into you.

“You want to get out of here?” Namjoon says into your ear, his breath fanning over your neck sending chills down you body.

“Yeah,” you nod a little too excitedly and he grabs your hand pulling you away from everyone. Namjoon is taking you up the stairs before someone calls out your name.

“Y/N!” You turn around in Namjoon’s grip to find Jennie holding onto the railing of the stairs, swaying back and forth drunkenly.

“Oh god,” you mutter.

“Is she okay?” Namjoon asks as he follows behind you back down the stairs. No, in fact, she looks terrible.

“Jennie, what’s up? I thought you were with Suzy?” You ask her and her face scowls.

“I was, but then… he showed up,” Jennie says, knowing exactly who she is talking about, “And he brought another girl with him! Y/N, what’s wrong with me? Am I not good enough for him?” Jennie is rambling as tears began to flow down her face. You look at Namjoon as he assesses the situation.

“I-I can get an Uber for her, if you’d like?” Namjoon offers and you nod.

“Please?” You beg and Namjoon grabs your hand squeezing it reassuringly before walking away to get the car.

“Jennie, come on, snap out of it,” you tell her and she continues to sob in your arms.

“Y/N, I don’t get it, I love him and he says he loves me but he does this shit all of the time,” she rambles.

“I know, I know,” you try to calm her down, “Jennie your drunk right now, but you’re so much better than him. I know you don’t realize it, but you are—“

“He makes me feel like shit,” Jennie sighs and you cradle your friend. Unfortunately, Jennie doesn’t have the best taste in men and she finds herself stuck in toxic situations she can’t get out of. You wish you could help more then you do but when Jennie is drunk, it’s hard to get anything through to her.

“Come on, let’s go to the bathroom,” you pull her up before she starts fighting you.

“I don’t need to use the bathroom though,” she pouts.

“Well, you might, let’s go,” you manage to hold her up and get to a bathroom in a hallway that isn’t too crowded. You reach for the handle only to be disappointed that it’s locked. Great.

You beat on the door with your free hand, “Hurry up in there! I have a crisis hanging off of my arm!”

“Hey, don’t call me that you bitch,” Jennie frowns and you roll your eyes, knowing she won’t remember any of this in the morning. You beat on the door again and again and again and finally, someone unlocks it and opens it fully.

The sight makes your eyes widen and your body heat up on fire. In front of you stands Jungkook against the counter zipping up his pants and the girl he was with earlier standing from her knees, wiping her mouth with a smirk. She leaves the bathroom, leaving you standing there with Jennie alone. When his eyes meet yours, his face goes ghostly pale. His mouth parts open and he feels like crawling into a hole to die.

“Y/N, Jennie?” Is all that comes from his mouth.

“Move Jungkook,” you say sternly and he moves to make room for you two in the bathroom.

“Uh, do you need any—“

“Leave Jungkook, I don’t need any help,” you say frustrated at the sight you just witnessed. You don’t know why you felt angry at him. You knew that he slept around like most fraternity boys—but to see him after getting sucked off in a bathroom—was new territory. Not only did it bring up the memory of you and him back in Taehyung’s bathroom all those years ago, it made you physically sick to know that you were just a pawn for him then. Who are you trying to kid? You were nothing to him. Once he figured out what his dick was used for, that’s all he cared about. Christ, you say to yourself, fuck him.

Jungkook leaves the two of you alone and within seconds, Jennie is over the toilet hurling her entire stomach up. You hold her hair back as she heaves into the toilet, trying not to gag yourself.

“Y/N,” she mumbles, “I don’t feel good.”

“I know, just keep it in the toilet please,” you say looking away at the sight.

Thankfully, Namjoon appears at the door. “The Uber is here,” he announces.

“Come on, we’re going to get you home,” you tell her, wiping her mouth with some toilet paper.

“Home?” She asks, “Thank god.”

Namjoon grabs her other side as the two of you carry her outside into the fresh air. You have to admit, the fresh air as sobered you up slightly. You spot the car waiting up front and Namjoon opens the door for Jennie.

“Thank you so much,” you tell Namjoon as he helps Jennie into the car.

“It’s seriously not a problem,” he smiles, “You should go with her,” he suggests and you feel your heart drop.

“A-are you sure?” You ask, subtle disappointment in your tone.

“Yeah, it’s fine—we’ll pick up another time,” he gives you a wink and you smile back.

“Okay, thanks again.”

You load into the back of the Uber with Jennie and you just pray that she doesn’t hurl in the car, for the sake of you and the Uber driver’s car. You were not about to pay the $200 fee for puke in the backseat. 

_____

The next morning comes all too quickly in your deep sleep. When you wake up, you are not expecting Jennie to be in your bed with you. You had nearly forgotten she refused to sleep in her own bed last night, therefore you having to give in to her wishes of sleeping with you. Thankfully, you don’t feel like you have too bad of a hangover. For Jennie though, you know she will probably be in bed all day with a bottle of Tylenol at her bedside.

You check your phone and your eyes nearly burst from your head. It’s 1:07 PM.

“Fuck,” you groan to yourself. You did not need to sleep this late considering you absolutely needed to study for your exams on Monday. Not only was it an exam—it was your midterm exams in your human sciences and financial analytics classes, two classes that were kicking your ass. The longer you laid in your bed, meant the longer you were losing time to cram in your studying. You swig the sheets and blankets off of you to find yourself still in your party dress from last night. You grab a pair of leggings and a sweatshirt from your wardrobe before heading to the bathroom.

Your appearance makes you shudder when you seeing yourself in the mirror. You didn’t even take off your makeup, mascara and lipstick stains spread out on your face. Now it was time to really pray that you wouldn’t breakout from the old layer of foundation on your face. You grab a makeup wipe to get the gunk off of yourself before you step into an insanely hot shower.

You manage to shower quickly, scrubbing your body and face off of any stench left of you from last night. You step out, moisturizing each crevice that you can reach before you throw on your clothes. You feel 200% better now that you have showered and you can hear footsteps coming down from the hallway. Jennie appears at the bathroom door rubbing her eyes harshly.

“Good morning sleepyhead,” you comment and she stretches out her limbs, her dress hiked up far up her legs where her underwear is showing.

“Ugh!” She groans loudly, “My head is pounding. What the fuck happened last night?”

“There’s some medicine out in the kitchen,” you say as you follow her out into your living room and kitchen area. She goes immediately to the medicine cabinet and downs two pills with ease.

“Where are you going?” She asks as you began to gather up your school work into your book-bag.

“I have to study,” you tell her and she closes her eyes again, the sun being too harsh for the light.

“It’s Saturday Y/N,” she says obviously.

“I know,” you zip up your bag, throwing it over your shoulder, “But I have two midterms Monday—I can’t make below a B or I can get in trouble with the dean,” you explain and she nods, her sleepy gaze staring at you.

“Well, have fun. I’ll be here—dying,” she grins and you salute her off, leaving your shared apartment to go to the campus library.

The library is only about a ten minute walk and thankfully, not many students are flocking to the location on a Saturday afternoon. You assume that everyone is either hungover like Jennie or just don’t give a shit enough to come out and study.

You grab a coffee from the small coffee shop outside the library before you go in, sit down, and get to work on your studying. You turn on your classical music radio as you take out out your printed slides, notes, and textbooks. As strange as it is to say, as much as you hated studying—it’s where you felt the most comfortable. You knew you were smart and you knew school was your strongest trait—everyone knew that about you.

You go through each chapter of your human sciences class, writing and rewriting notes on new sheets of a paper. You make flashcards as you go along. You answer the obnoxiously long quiz questions at the end of your textbook as you go along. 

Thankfully, you haven’t had any distractions and before you know it, it’s been nearly two hours since you first sat down. Your coffee is now cold but you don’t care as you need the caffeine to keep you going. You are about to pull out all of your analytics material before suddenly, a coffee cup in placed on the table in front of you. You look at the source and look back down until you look up again. 

“Jungkook?” You ask pulling out one of your earbuds. His face is tired, the bags underneath his eyes prominent. He’s wearing a gray tracksuit, his hair messy underneath his somewhat contained beanie.

“H-hi,” he says simply, “Can I sit?” He asks referring to the chair across from you. You nod as he slings his backpack off and into the floor as he plops down in the chair.

“Hi,” you speak lowly. There’s tension between the two of you. It’s uncomfortable. You hate it, almost as much as you hate the sight you saw last night. “What’s up?” The question is simple, but forced.

He shrugs, “I dragged myself out to study despite my busting headache,” he says scratching the back of his neck.

“Jungkook in the library? To study? Did I hear that right?” You ask and he laughs slightly.

“Yup, unfortunately you did,” he answers before letting out a sigh. “I uh, got you this,” he slides the coffee cup over to you and you furrow your brows. You face heats up. Why would he buy you a coffee? The time Jungkook bought you something was a card and flowers the evening of your high school graduation, why the hell would he buy you a coffee?

“Thanks,” you laugh awkwardly grabbing the cup from him. You take a sip from the cup and realize it’s exactly how you like it. Three creams, an espresso shot, and a dash of vanilla flavoring. “How’d you know this is what I like?” You ask.

“Uh, you told me a few years back,” he says shy, his gaze ripping away from you. “I assumed it was the same, thank god,” he laughs trying to lighten up the mood.

“Thanks,” you repeat, unsure of what to say.

“Uh, how’s Jennie this morning?” He asks you with a genuine concern. You look from him, not being able to hold his gaze without burning up.

“She’s fine,” you say, keeping your eyes on your notes and hands in front of you.

“That’s good,” he says awkwardly. His leg is bouncing uncontrollably underneath the table and he feels like he needs to throw up.

“Why did you buy me this?” You ask him. He wants something, you can feel it.

“Um, no reason, I-I just saw you h-here and I know how much you love coffee,” he stumbles over his words and you meet his gaze again, before giving him a glare.

“Hm,” you mumble.

“Listen Y/N,” he starts, sounding more clear of his words, “I know we don’t really have a relationship anymore but, I-I just wanted to apologize to you about… the bathroom… last night,” he sighs and he hangs his head down for a second.

Your expression is blank and you shrug your shoulders with a small head shake, “Don’t worry about it.”

He nods slowly before a silence falls between you two.

“Listen, um I really have to get back to studying for my midterm tomorrow. Thank you again for the coffee,” you say with a small smile, trying your best to be cordial with him.

He nods getting ready to stand up but he stops abruptly, “What are you doing this week?”

The question catches you off guard.

“Oh, um,” your mouth is dry and it’s hard to find the words, “Probably studying, working, I don’t know,” you shrug again.

“Well uh, I was wondering if you wanted to meet up?” He bits his lip nervously, “We haven’t hung out in awhile, I thought maybe we could catch up?”

Awhile would be an understatement. The boy and you exchange another glance before you begin to nod hesitantly.

“Sure,” you answer simply.

“Cool,” he responds, “You still have the same number?” He asks. The question is weird. How is it that your best friend of so many years has to ask if your number is the same?

“Yeah,” you nod. He nods too, saying a quick goodbye before you watch as his built frame disappears into another corridor of the library, your eyes lingering a little too long on his built frame. What the hell was that?

_____

On Monday, both of your exams go a lot better than you were expecting them to. Your human sciences exam had already been graded and you made a 94 which in turn meant you were over the moon. Now you could only hope for that in analytics.

You know sat across from Jennie at one of your campus’s sandwich shops eating a late lunch.

“I don’t even know why you stress so much about your grades Y/N,” Jennie says, “You always end up with an A.”

“Jennie, I worry because if I don’t get A’s I can get kicked out of the honors program, you know this,” you say with pointed eyes, “Besides, I made a B in that business statistics class I had my freshman year, I’m still pissed about that!”

“Boohoo, I got a C minus in that class,” Jennie rolls her eyes, “All I’m saying is, you just need to loosen up. I know school is stressful but I know that you have to be going crazy.”

“I am going crazy Jennie,” you whine, “I’m just glad we don’t have much longer,” you sigh heavily.

“You and me both,” she adds, “I’m sorry I interrupted your stress relief the other night,” she says.

“What?”

She laughs, “You almost got dicked down by Namjoon and I ruined it,” she pouts and you giggle at her.

“It’s fine,” you shake your head, “He said we could pick it up another time.”

“Good, his fine piece of ass is something you gotta keep,” she smirks. Suddenly, your phone makes a ding on the table and you grab it quickly. Your eyes widen slightly when you see the text message.

[3:32 PM Jeon Jungkook] hey do you still want to do something this week?

“Who is that?” Jennie asks you.

“Uh, nobody,” you shake your head putting the phone back down.

“It most definitely is not nobody—your eyes are huge,” she points out. Dammit.

“Um,” you start, “Well last week at work, Jungkook, Taehyung, and their friend Hobi came in later at night,” you tell her, “And it was awkward and then I saw Jungkook at the party on Saturday.”

“We see him all the time at the parties we go,” she shrugs.

“I know, but then he came up to me in the library the other day…and bought me a coffee,” you finish.

Jennie’s eyes widen. “What?”

“I know right,” you say.

“Wonder what he wants from you?” She purses her lips.

“He asked if he wanted to go out this week,” you shrug, “He said we haven’t in awhile and he wanted to ‘catch up’,” you say.

Jennie’s eyebrows furrow. “Hm,” she mumbles, “Well are you going to?”

“I don’t know,” you tell her honestly, “I think I’ve seen enough of him to last me awhile.”

Jennie grimaces at you, “Come on Y/N,” she says, “You and Jungkook used to be inseparable, I don’t even know what the fuck happened to you two.”

“We just grew apart Jennie,” you tell her.

“Friendships like you and Jungkook don’t just ‘grow apart’,” she uses air quotes.

“Believe what you want,” you mutter, picking at your food suddenly not feeling too hungry.

“Why wouldn’t you go? There’s nothing stopping you is there?” She presses.

“Not exactly, but… I don’t know if it’s a good idea,” you mumble.

“Y/N, he’s your oldest friend,” she says, “You’ve known him longer than anyone else here, I know that you miss him as your friend,” she goes on.

“I don’t know Jennie, we’re not the same people we used to be. We’re not compatible as friends anymore, it’s weird.”

“How can it already be weirder than it is now? It’s weird as fuck that you two grew up together and don’t speak to each other anymore. I’d say go, just hangout, who knows what might happen,” she reasons and you cannot help but agree with her.

You don’t say anything else as you pull your phone back out.

[3:38 PM Me] Yeah I’m free tonight if you want to do something!

_____

Jungkook picks you up at seven on the dot. You feel nervousness settling in your stomach and you suddenly care about your appearance. When you open the door of your apartment and welcome him in, you have to tell yourself to keep your mouth closed.

He’s dressed in a sweatshirt and ripped jeans but he looks…so good? You hope you aren’t overdressed in your dress and denim jacket and he smiles when he meets your gaze.

“Hey,” he greets you and you welcome him into your apartment—a place he has never been.

“Hi,” you say grabbing your keys from the kitchen. “Jennie!” You shout and she emerges from the laundry room

“Yeah?” She stops dead in her tracks when she sees Jungkook. “Oh, hey Jungkook.”

“Hi,” he smiles.

“I’ll be back later,” you tell her, “What are you doing tonight?”

“I have to write a report and I guess I’m going to do your laundry since you’re lazier than shit,” she presses. You throw up your middle finger and turn to Jungkook.

“You ready?”

“Yeah, let’s go.”

_____

“Where are we going?” You ask him as you make your way outside, keeping a relative distance between you and him.

“You hungry?” Jungkook proposes, almost with a playful tone.

“Mhm,” you mumble, looking down at the ground as you walk. This was weird… so fucking weird. The last time you and Jungkook had hung out was around two and a half years ago—not even shitting. You wonder if he still liked the same things, had the same hobbies, ate the same food, but you were completely unsure of yourself in this circumstance. The nervousness hasn’t settled in your stomach and your mind wonders if he’s nervous too.

“Alright, c’mon,” he says and you meet his gaze before he changes direction with you in tow.

It’s not even a five minute walk—mind you, in silence—until we reach the place Jungkook had led you to.

“Really Jungkook?” You raise an eyebrow at him as you step into your all too familiar work place.

“What?” He laughs, “The food is good,” he continues.

“I’m starting to think you brought me here for my employee discount,” you press to him and he tilts his head.

“You have an employee discount?” He repeats, “Good to know,” he chuckles and in turn, you return a small laugh, feeling a little more comfortable.

Mark isn’t working tonight, but unfortunately, a girl named Kyla is and you absolutely despise her. Her biggest personality trait is just being a bitch—a bitch for no reason! Sure, you can have your bitchy moments but you’re not going to be a bitch to someone unless they deserve it.

“Y/N… Jungkook,” Kyla says slowly, looking between the two of you. “Just sit wherever you like,” she says. The restaurant is free real estate as you two are the only ones here.

You choose a booth, sliding in on one side, Jungkook on the other.

“Do you know her?” You ask Jungkook once she walks away from your table.

Jungkook looks pale, “I’ve met her, once or twice,” he says and it’s all the confirmation you need to understand that means he’s fucked her once or twice.

You don’t say anything else as you look through the menu, already knowing exactly what you want.

“When did you start working here?” Jungkook asks you.

“Oh, about a month ago,” you say. He already knows that. I guess you and Jungkook are really too that point, huh? Small, dull, repetitive conversation?

“How did your exams go?” He asks, chewing on his bottom lip. He’s nervous—you can sense it.

“Better than I thought,” you answer honestly.

“Hm, let me guess—you thought you did terrible but ended up getting an A,” he reads you perfectly.

“Hey! I don’t think like that,” you say even thought you know that is a fat lie.

“Come on Y/N, you’ve been that way since we were fourteen. Lying sends you to hell you know,” he raises an eyebrow at you and you look away from him to suppress your laugh.

“Fine. I got a 94 on one of them, I don’t know about the other one yet,” you tell him.

“See, you’re a genius,” he says and you shake your head.

“Most definitely not,” you say.

“I was always so envious of you growing up, you just sat there in school and you just… got it,” he says remembering back to your younger days, “All of us were jealous of you,” he adds.

“I can guarantee nobody was jealous of me Jungkook,” you give him a grimace, “We all were stupid in our own ways, maybe you more than anyone else,” you decide to pick on him since you’re feeling more relaxed as the conversation keeps going.

“Hey, no need to shit on me like that,” he gives you a pout.

Your phone suddenly vibrates against the table. It’s probably Jennie, you think to yourself as you flip the phone over. To your surprise, it’s not Jennie—It’s Namjoon.

[7:28 PM Kim Namjoon] hope you had a good day

[7:29 PM Kim Namjoon] mine would be a lot better if you were sitting on my cock right now

Your eyes widen and you flip the phone back over with a slam to the table. Jungkook looks at you curiously.

“Whose that?” He asks.

You want to lie, but Jungkook can tell when you’re lying. “Just Namjoon,” you tell him, “He was asking about some homework.”

Jungkook nods slowly before chewing on his bottom lip again, “You and hyung are good friends?”

Your face drops and you don’t say anything.

“I’m just asking since I’ve seen you guys together at our parties,” he adds while clearing his throat.

“Yeah, we’re friends,” is all that comes from your mouth. Jungkook’s eyes are hard to read but you can tell he knows you’re not saying what you’re actually thinking. What he wants you to do is be honest with him and tell him that yeah, you and Namjoon fuck from time to time, but of course, he doesn’t get that answer.

About twenty minutes later, Kyla is bringing your food.Your stomach growls as the scent of the food comes into your nostrils. The two of you begin eating, keeping some small talk between the two of you.

“Are you still a business major?” You ask him as you chow down on your French fries loaded with ketchup.

Jungkook scrunches his face up, “Hell no,” he shakes his head.

You stop your chewing momentarily, “Oh,” is all you can muster. “I’m sure that went over well with your father.”

Jungkook gives you a short glance, a smirk across his face, “It went as well as you can imagine.”

Growing up, Jungkook was expected to go to college, get a business degree of some kind and him and his older brother were to takeover his father’s company by the time he was 30—you would know, Jungkook would secretly complain to you about nonstop as teenagers.

“What are majoring in now?”

“Photography and film,” he answers boldly.

“Oh, wow,” you tell him, “That’s a big move.”

“I’d rather die than being forced to do something I don’t want to do, that’s no way to live life,” he munches on his burger, his eyes looking straight into yours.

“How’s Taehyung?” You ask him.

“He’s good,” he laughs a little bit, “Would you believe it if I told you he has a girlfriend?” He cocks his head slightly.

“Taehyung? And a girlfriend?” You say in disbelief. “You’re kidding, right?”

“Nope,” he chuckles, “It’s weird though, he won’t introduce me to her, hell he won’t even tell me her name.”

You furrow your eyebrows, “That is weird,” you pause, “Maybe he thinks you’ll steal her,” you smirk jokingly. 

Jungkook shakes his head, “Taehyung’s got more game than I do, trust me,” he says with a laugh. 

“I’m assuming you don’t have a girlfriend?” You ask him nervously, biting down on your bottom lip.

Jungkook stops eating and rolls his tongue on the inside of his cheek, “No, I haven’t dated anyone since Yuna really.”

The confession surprises you and you somewhat don’t believe him.

“Why not?” You press.

He shrugs, “Just haven’t found anyone I like I guess, like, really like, you know?”

You nod understandingly. Before Namjoon (whom you aren’t even dating) you had dated this guy for awhile and he was nice but you were bored as fuck in that relationship. Thankfully, you moved on from that onto better things.

Once the two of you finish your meals, Jungkook pays before you can protest and you leave the restaurant around 8:30 PM. You shove your hands into your jacket and walk along beside of Jungkook, lazily kicking rocks when you come across them.

“So, what did I do to deserve a free meal and a coffee from Jeon Jungkook in the span of two days?” You look up at him and he glances down to you quickly.

“I said I wanted to catch up, how else was I supposed to do that?” He smirks and you hit his arm playfully.

You don’t say anything so he continues.

“I don’t know, it’s just when I saw you last week working, I hadn’t seen you in so long… let alone speak to you,” he pauses, “It made me realize that I miss our friendship, I missed us…” he trails off, looking straight ahead.

“Why didn’t you reach out sooner?” You ask him seriously.

Jungkook hesitates some, “You could have reached out too, the phone works both ways” his words are unexpected, harsh. And they somewhat hurt.

You don’t say anything again, feeling a sting in your chest.

“I didn’t mean it like that Y/N,” Jungkook say, stopping his path to stand in front of you, “It’s just… we haven’t spoken in so long. I feel like you’re a completely different person ever since we got here to university. I don’t know what happened—“

“You don’t know what happened?” Your tone is sharp. “Are you stupid Jungkook?”

He looks taken aback, “W-what?”

“When we were eighteen and you fucking kissed me that’s what happened and that’s when shit changed Jungkook, don’t act like you don’t know,” you sound angry to which, you are. Talking about this gets you riled up.

Jungkook lowers his head, “We should have talked about that, I know but—“

“But what Jungkook? It ruined our friendship and you know it.”

“I ruined it?” He now sounds pissed off. “What ruined our friendship was you acting like I didn’t exist once we got here to college. You blew me off and blew me off time and time again,” he runs a hand through his hair, “I tried to maintain this friendship and you know it. If that stupid, fucking, drunken kiss bothered you that bad, you should have been a big girl and told me.”

You feel frustrated and you feel tears are threatening to spill out of you. You want to comeback with something, but you know he’s right. He did try and you were the one to put distance between you both.

“I-I,” you start but no words come out. “I’m sorry Jungkook. It’s just when we got here, things got more complicated and more stressful, and I couldn’t afford distractions—“

“So I’m a distraction now?”

“What? No, no, I didn’t mean it like that,” you shake your head in protest.

“So, hanging out at fraternity houses every weekend, getting hammered with Jennie every weekend, smoking pot once in awhile, and fucking Namjoon isn’t a distraction? But your best friend of fourteen years is a distraction?” Jungkook’s words come out in a frenzy and you feel slightly attacked.

“Excuse me what? Jungkook no—“ you stop yourself from speaking. You know he’s right but that doesn’t give him a right to attack you like that. “So, what’s your excuse then for not being the bigger person than, huh? Getting sucked off too many times in a bathroom and you realized you don’t need my attention anymore? Huh?”

Jungkook’s eyes darken and you can tell he’s pissed off.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” He asks you.

“Jungkook, you’re my oldest friend—“

“You don’t treat me like it—“

“Well neither do you,” you back go back and forth with each other. You’re frustrated. Angry. Sad.

Jungkook is fighting a battle in his head. “I’m sorry okay,” he says, “I think we both can admit we’ve acted shitty to each other.”

You look away from him staring aimlessly at your lap, “I’m sorry too, I shouldn’t have said that.”

“Neither should have I,” he says. “I just wish you had told me about that stupid kiss, we could have talked through it Y/N. I wasn’t thinking back then.”

“Why did you kiss me?”

Jungkook’s eyes look panicked and he scratches the back of his neck.

“I had a stupid little crush on you at the time okay? And alcohol doesn’t help, it only intensified my feelings.”

“What?” Your mouth drops agape at the confession.

“I know, stupid right,” he shakes his head, “Fuck I wished we had discussed this sooner because this is so embarrassing,” he laughs while shaking his head.

You’re in disbelief. Jungkook liked you? How did you not know? It makes your insides tingle at the thought, but you know you shouldn’t get excited so you drown out the feeling deep within you. 

“Well, that was years ago,” you tell him, “All we can do now is look ahead,” your breath is uneven and shaky.

“You’re right,” he mutters, “I really am sorry Y/N, I-I just want you as a friend again—“

“I forgive you Jungkook. And I’m sorry too.”

What Jungkook does next is unexpected but all too familiar. He grabs your chin and squeezes it in his hand. You swat him away with a laugh as he pulls you in by an arm. You oblige his movements and rest your head on his shoulder as the two of you keep walking. There’s something oddly intimate about this gesture. And the whole atmosphere has changed but you like it—it feels… like home.

“Can I ask you something?” You mumble.

“You just did,” he laughs and his chest rumbles underneath you.

“Shut the fuck up,” you lean up from him with a smile, “Namjoon said you talk about me a lot…?” You trail off your question. You could be sneaky if you really wanted to be.

“He did?” Jungkook panics. Fucking Namjoon, he thinks to himself. “W-what did he say?” He stumbles on his words.

“Just stuff,” you respond hesitantly, “He may or may not have said that you called me hot.” Jungkook freezes beside of you.

“Fucking hell, I’m gonna kill hyung,” he mutters underneath his breath, “Look I’m sorry okay—I was really drunk and I saw you at one of our parties in this short ass dress and fuck, yeah I said you were hot—I’m sorry okay? I know that’s so fucking weird jeez, I’m sorry—“

“Jungkook it’s fine,” you laugh interrupting his rambling. “It’s not weird, I just wanted to know whether or not Namjoon was feeding me shit.”

“You don’t think it’s weird?” He asks and you can sense that he is very embarrassed. “I told you, I’m not good with my alcohol.”

You shake your head, “I mean, you’re pretty hot too if I say so myself,” the words tumble from your mouth and you actually want to crawl in a hole and die. Did you just say that?! Jungkook looks at you as you turn your face away from him. Fuck, he thinks to himself. He glances down your body and notices the cleavage coming through your dress and the way you hair is pulled to one side. Fuck, he thinks again, yeah, stupid little crush three years ago my ass.

“Can I tell you something?” His voice his quiet, serious.

“Of course,” you look up at him with a concern face.

“You can’t tell anyone—not even Jennie,” he says, his voice low. You give him a confused look, but nod anyways.

“What’s wrong?” You ask him. He bits at his lip, feeling uneasy.

He takes in a deep breath before exhaling, “When I changed my major a few months back, my parents threatened to cut me off—“

“Whoa, what?”

“And they’re still threatening to if I don’t get my shit straight.”

“Jungkook, I don’t get what you’re saying? Have you done something?” You ask him, feeling already too uneasy about where this conversation is going.

“No, I haven’t done anything—that’s the problem. I haven’t proved to them that I’m worthy for them to keep paying for my school. I haven’t proved to them that I can get a job somewhere. My grades aren’t proving anything to them.”

“What are you gonna do if they cut you off? You can’t pay for this shit-hole by yourself—they know that.” You notice the way his jaw is grinding and his breathing is shaking.

“Please don’t get mad at me,” he mumbles quietly. Oh god. “Recently I started taking up, um… boxing,” he says, unsure of his words.

“…Okay?” You say slowly.

“I’ve been fighting, like underground fighting,” you almost don’t hear him, but then you do, and you want to laugh in his face—but he’s being serious.

“Fighting? Jungkook what the fuck?!” You push yourself away from the comfort of his side, “Are you crazy?!”

“I’m getting paid for the fights—if I win at least,” he tries to sound reasonable but to you, you want to scream at him in anger.

“Jungkook, are you fucking kidding me? You’re fighting? Instead of finding a real job?”

“Y/N you don’t understand—I make thousands of dollars for one fight—it’s my best chance right now.”

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” you shake your head, pulling your hands through your hair in frustration, you cannot believe this man right now.

“What are you going to do about school then? Huh?” You press him.

“I-I was hoping you would help me, at least try to tutor me,” he says hesitantly and your stomach drops. You don’t say anything for a moment, unsure if you want to scream or cry at him.

“So this is the reason why you wanted to rekindle our friendship, so I could be your fucking tutor?”

“What no—“

“Are you fucking kidding me Jungkook? I cannot believe you right now,” your voice is getting louder by the minute. You start to walk away from him back to your apartment by yourself, unable to even look at him right now.

“Wait—no, please Y/N,” Jungkook runs to you, grabbing your hand and pulls you back to him, “I know this is all bad timing but I really did miss having you as a friend and you’re the only person, I could tell this to, at least for now,” he quickly explains.

“What, so you want me to help you through school while you get the shit knocked out of you for money?” You ask him, “Jungkook I don’t want to see you go through that, you have to find another option,” your eyes are pleading with him. His grip moves from your hand to your waist which causes your heart to race irregularly.

“Y/N, please I know it’s not the best but it really is my best option. I need someone there for me and I need that person to be you,” his face is too close for comfort and you back away from him a few inches.

“Jungkook, I don’t know,” you shake your head.

“Please, Y/N, I’m begging you,” he says again.

“Have you told anyone?” You ask him.

“Aside from you, only Taehyung knows—and Yoongi, he was the one to introduce me to it.” Yoongi—a name you’re not familiar with.

“Fucking hell Jungkook,” you lean your head back, trying to contain your emotions.

“Please you can’t tell anyone Y/N, I can get in serious trouble by obtaining money this way.”

“Yeah because it’s fucking illegal,” you spit at him. You find his hand to grip a little too tightly and you want to scream at Jungkook. How could he be so stupid? And how were you going to let him be so stupid?

“I’ll help you with school Jungkook, but the fighting… I don’t know,” you tell him, “You know I’m not going to be okay with that.”

“If you makes you feel any better, I haven’t lost. The most I’ve walked away with is a few scraps and bruises on my arms,” he tries to lighten up your mood but it doesn’t work. “I promise I won’t get hurt, I know what I’m doing,” he nudges you trying to loosen you up some. He hands end up grabbing yours, intertwining them tightly.

“Don’t make me promises you can’t keep Jungkook,” you tell him and his face falls again. Both of you look at your intertwined hands. “At least promise me you’ll be careful,” you plead him.

“Of course. I promise,” he says giving your hand a squeeze. Without warning, he pulls you into a tight embrace, his arms wrapping around your waist tightly. Your hands snake up against his neck and pull him close to you as well.

His scent is all too familiar and it scares you that you’ve missed out on him growing into the handsome adult he is now. And now, you have to fear for his wellbeing. Fuck. Jungkook pulls away from you and your faces meet a little too close for comfort. His nose brushes against yours, his eyes burning holes into you.

“I’d trust you with my life Y/N,” he speaks again, “And I’m trusting you with this.”

Your breath hitches as his nose brushes yours again. Fuck, you think to yourself. You bite your lip, knowing that you wold absolutely die for this boy and it takes all of you to grip his shirt and push him away from you. You feel less suffocated once your space is empty and Jungkook’s hand stays in yours as he walks you home. It’s a good thing, you think, that you’ve had a stupid little crush on him too or you would most definitely not do this shit for him.

_____

“So,” Jennie says slowly, “How was it?”

You hadn’t even walked into your apartment five feet before Jennie is rushing questions onto you.

“Um,” you pause, taking the time to take off your shoes, “It went... well,” you say, unsure of your words. Did it go well? You weren’t sure considering the two of you were in an argument nearly the whole way home.

“Well?” Jennie asks, curiosity dripping in her tone, “I need more details than that. What’d you do? What did you guys talk about?”

“Um, we just kind of caught up on things,” you knew you had to tread your words lightly. “It felt pretty normal.” You add at the last second, giving her a weak smile. She narrows her eyes at you.

“That’s it?” She somewhat frowned.

“What did you want me to say?” You give her a laugh as you begin to walk back towards your room and undress into your sleepwear. She follows your footsteps closely.

“I don’t know! I was just expecting more, more from you! You seem awfully quiet,” she says plopping down on your bed that she is oh-so accustomed to.

You look through your drawers and pull out a big t-shirt and slip it over your head. You turn to Jennie and give her another pathetic attempt of a smile.

“It’s just weird okay,” you tell her, climbing onto your bed with her, “This was the first time we’ve actually hung out by ourselves in years and I don’t know, it was good, like we picked up where we left off you know?” You knew that was a complete lie but you needed to get Jennie off your case or you were afraid you would let your worries slip.

She lets out a sigh, “I guess so. I do think about high school sometimes and we really had it good… the four of us,” she smiles fondly thinking back to simpler times.

“Yeah… we did,” you agree staring up at your ceiling.

“How’s Taehyung by the way? Did Jungkook mention him?”

You give a glance at Jennie and she’s looking at her overgrown nails. “He’s good, Jungkook said he had a girlfriend which surprised me.”

“Hm,” Jennie shrugged, “Interesting.”

You furrowed your eyebrows while looking at her. “Interesting?” You found her answer odd but she brushes it off.

“Yeah, well I have homework to do that isn’t gonna do itself unfortunately,” she stands up from your bed, “See you in the morning, goodnight.” She throws you a quick wink before she leaves, shutting your bedroom door behind of her.

You let out a sigh of relief when she leaves. As happy as you were that you and Jungkook reconnected some tonight, the uneasiness in the pit of your stomach was keeping you from focusing on the good. You couldn’t believe what Jungkook had gotten himself into. Boxing? For money? You knew Jungkook never had much common sense but this takes it to another level. You now knew one of his deepest secrets and not only could that seriously backfire on you if something went wrong. He said he trusted you with his fucking life for Christ’s sake. Who says that to someone they’ve barely spoken to in two years? Someone who is desperate, you think.

You grab a book from your nightstand for one of your classes and flip to your last read page, trying to rid your mind of Jungkook getting the shit beat out of him. And as much as you read your book and your eyelids fall sleepy, you manage to barely sleep that night, as images of your old friend are burned into your brain.

_____

It wasn’t long after your first meetup with Jungkook that he started asking for tutoring help. Jungkook knew your schedule was busy and he didn’t want to pressure you into anything, but the more you were around Jungkook, the more desperate you were to help him. You have known him for so long and despite all your differences, he truly was and will always be one of your best friends. And best friends helped each other. Right?

“Hey—sorry I’m late,” you meet Jungkook in the back of the fourth floor of the library after your last class of the day. “I had a question about my lecture—“

“Y/N it’s fine,” Jungkook says softly, not looking up from his paper, “Don’t worry about it.”

You set down beside of him and begin to take your belongings out of your backpack and you notice Jungkook has already begun some work himself.

“How was classes today?” You ask him opening up your laptop. You give him a glance and he’s focused on the problem in front of him.

“It was alright, I slept through my first one at ten—“

“What’s that?” You ask as you let your eyes focus a little too close on his face. A cut lined across his jaw and up towards his left ear and you felt yourself begin to panic.  “Jungkook what—“

“Don’t worry about it,” he’s being cold and distant and you don’t like it. You look down his arms and onto his hands and notice some cuts and bruises there too. That’s when it hits you.

“Jungkook did you have a fight recently?” You keep your voice low so no one else could hear. He visibly tenses up beside of you and he adjusts his beanie on his to try and cover his ear area.

“Yeah,” he says simply, his eyes not looking at you one time, still focusing on the paper ahead.

“Jungkook,” your tone is deep and not happy, but you suppose there isn’t much you can do in this situation. Curiosity got the best of you and you ask, “What happened?”

“Let’s not talk about that okay?” He turns to you fully and you inwardly gasp, seeing that his right eye is half blacked behind his glasses. You feel sick to your stomach and your mouth parts. Again, you don’t say anything and just give him a nod.

The rest of the tutoring session with him goes smoothly and Jungkook has significantly picked up his understanding of his classes in a short amount of time, but in the back of your mind you wanted to scream. Scream at him. How could he be doing this to himself? He first told you he was fine. He sure doesn’t look fine. It’s getting close to 7 o’clock when you tell him you have to go get ready for your shift at the diner in an hour.

“We can pick up again whenever you need to,” you tell, “And text me if you have any questions.”

“What are you doing this weekend?” Jungkook completely ignores your sentences and you turn to him, trying not to stare at the faint of blue under his eye.

“Um, I have another shift tomorrow that starts at 7,” you tell him.

“Can you get off?” He asks almost nervously as the two of you begin to leave the library.

You chuckle, “Probably not, why?”

“Well, Taehyung and I are having a small get together at our apartment and I wanted to know if you and Jennie wanted to come?”

He sounds genuine and you know it could be fun and a little different from the chaotic frat scene that you’re used to.

“Sure, I’m sure Jennie will be down,” you give him a smile to which he returns one for the first time tonight. “If I can’t get off work I’ll just come after my shift.”

“Sounds good,” he says and you are about to part ways before he grabs your arm to stop you, “Thanks again Y/N, for helping me out,” there’s a glimmer in his eyes.

“No problem, it’s what a friend would do right?” You give him your best smile although it feels weird saying that. His face drops in the slightest way.

“Yeah…” he trails off, his hand trailing down your arm before letting go, “See you soon?”

You give him a nod, “See you soon.”

_____

Your shift at the diner tonight was being particularly slow for a Tuesday and you found yourself aimlessly making lattes for yourself every thirty minutes. You were slightly jacked from the caffeine but you knew you would need it once you went home to finish off the load of your homework for the night. Bedtime as of right now was looking to be 3 AM, possibly 4. Mark is once again working with you tonight which makes it all the more bearable, but the more you stand behind the counter, sipping your coffee, the more you realize you do not want to waste tomorrow night working.

“Hey, Mark,” you say and he looks up from his book.

“What’s up?” He asks, his eyes focussing on you.

“Would you care…. to possibly… take my shifts this weekend?” You ask slowly, dancing around the topic. His eyebrows furrow and you could tell that is not what he wanted to hear from you.

“I mean… I don’t care to, but can I ask why?”

Shit. You couldn’t say it was to go to a small party. That would be an automatic no.

“Well, I’ve been tutoring someone recently and it's taken away from my own study time, so I really need all weekend to catch up on all my shit,” you say smoothly. Not a complete lie, but he didn’t need to know you would be catching up on your “shit” tonight and not this weekend.

“Yeah, sure whatever,” he waves his hand off, “Just be sure to tell our manager before you leave.”

“Right… thanks Mark.”

“That means you owe me a shift in the future,” he says pointedly.

“Yeah, yeah, read your fucking book.”

_____

Friday was a blur. You went to sleep around 3:45 AM. Had to wake up at 7 AM for your 8 AM lecture, dragged your feet to your other classes, barely had time to eat anything, only consuming coffee to suppress your appetite in the afternoon, and now that you were home you couldn’t wait to lay in your bed for a few hours.

Jennie didn’t have classes on Friday’s—fuck her—so she had been chilling all day when you burst through the door exhausted.

“You look horrible,” she said as soon as you flopped down on the couch beside of her.

“You don’t have to tell me that,” you groan covering your eyes.

“Well you better get rested up before tonight,” she says.

“What’s tonight?” You mumble, nearly drifting off to sleep right then and there.

“Jungkook invited us to his apartment, that’s what you said last night,” she gave you a funny look before shaking her head.

Shit. You had forgotten about that throughout your drowsy state all day.

“Yeah, right,” you pause, looking at her through the crack of your arm, “Wake me up at 7 to get ready.” You stand up planning on taking the fattest nap of your life.

“I-I captain!” Jennie says sarcastically and it’s the last thing you hear before passing out on your bed, not even bothering to put a blanket over you.

_____

Jungkook and Taehyung’s apartment isn’t far from yours. You wouldn’t say the exterior is nicer than yours, but the abundance of buildings shows that their community is much larger than the one you and Jennie share.

“This is right?” Jennie asks as you knock on the door heavily.

“Yeah,” you say, faintly hearing music from the other side of the door.

The door swings open and to your surprise, it’s Taehyung.

“Jennie, Y/N!” He smiles widely at the two of you before ushering you in. “It’s been wayyyy too long! You guys want a drink?”

You take a second to look around their apartment, not seeing Jungkook anywhere. There’s about two dozen people here, some playing pong, others sitting around the living area. You knew Taehyung was feeling a little drunk despite it being only 9 from the way he grabs a couple cups, the entire tower of them falling over.

“How have you guys been?!” Taehyung pours some cheap tequila into your red solo cups and hands them over.

“Good, what about you?” Jennie smiles to him and Taehyung pours another shot for himself.

“Fucking great,” he says before putting his cup out. The three of you bump cups and down the tequila, a familiar burn hitting you instantly. It’s oddly reminiscent, the three of you drinking alcohol like there are no problems with the world.

“Where’s Jungkook?” You ask, giving another glance around the apartment, only recognizing some of his frat brothers, but him still not to be found.

“He went to get more alcohol and some other things,” Taehyung says, pouring another shot for the two of you. “I heard the two of you finally got over your bullshit?”

You furrow your eyebrows and Jennie laughs. “W-what?” You have to laugh too, “Bullshit?”

“You know, how the two of you acted like neither of you existed? God it was so annoying hearing that little bitch talk about you constantly,” he rolls his eyes dramatically and Jennie eyes you suspiciously.

“Uh, yeah—“ you were unsure of what to say, “Heard you have a girlfriend now?” You change the subject quickly and Jennie raises her eyebrows at Taehyung.

“Really?” Jennie says almost passively. Taehyung doesn’t glance at you, only looking to Jennie.

“Yeah,” he says, “C’mon, drink your shit. The night is young and you guys need to catch up!”

“Or you need to slow down?” You offer and only giggles again. You down another shot and at this pace, you’ll be passed out by 11, Jennie by 10. You’ve always handle your alcohol better than her, but a shot every two minutes will do anyone in.

The three of you talk aimlessly, somewhat of an unresolved tension between Jennie and Taehyung that is impossible to avoid until you get some more alcohol in you. You’re about four shots of Jose Cuervo in and sipping on some type of seltzer when your phone buzzes in your hand.

[9:46 PM Namjoon] hey, wrud tonight

[9:46 PM You] at a friend’s place tonight, wbu

Your eyes are having trouble to focus as the alcohol begins to settle in your system. You remember vividly how you barely had any food today and you know you should stop drinking otherwise you might puke everywhere.

[9:48 PM Namjoon] damn, missing you. I believe you still owe me a rain check

You laugh at your phone.

[9:48 PM You] soon, I promise lol

“Jungkook! Fuck yes my brother!”

You instantly look up from your phone and see Jungkook walking through the front door, a case of beer in one hand and a brown bag in the other. He smiles as he sets down the case and bag of liquor as his brothers crowd around him to grab a can.

Do you go up to him? Yes, are you, stupid? But shouldn’t he look for you? What are you twelve?

Your internal monologue is interrupted when Taehyung pulls you over to Jungkook with a small push.  

“Hey Y/N,” Jungkook smiles, grabbing a beer for himself. He’s wearing a hat to cover his forehead.

“Hi,” you smile and he gives you a small, somewhat awkward hug.

“Glad you could make it,” he says, the bruises on his face from the other day already looking a lot better.

“I was not going to spend my Friday night at the restaurant,” you laugh, trying intensely to focus on his face and not zone in and out as you tend to do drunkenly.

“Jennie here?” He asks.

“Yeah, she’s uh,” you pause, actually not knowing where she went. “Oh, she’s playing pong with Taehyung.”

“Come on then,” he reaches out his hand, “Let’s play with them.”

“Jungkook I’m terrible, you know that—“

“I never said you were good, but for old times sake?” His brown eyes bore into yours and you give in, nodding your head and settling your hand into his. His hands are warm—always have been. Slightly rough and calloused but smooth—what the fuck, stop it!

The four of you, girls verses boys, start a new game of pong and you’re sure Jennie is just as bad as you. That’s evident when Jungkook and Taehyung lob four in, one after another. You’re lucky you get one in their cups. Jennie, too drunk at this point, can’t even throw straight. The whole sight is very funny as the four of you laugh like you’re the only ones in the room.

“Come on Y/N!” Taehyung yells, “I knew you were ass but really?!”

“Me! What about her!” You defend yourself as Jennie throws a ball at Jungkook’s head.

“At least Y/N can aim!” Jungkook laughs, defending you as well, rubbing his head from the plastic impact.

The game ends with Jungkook calling island and you don’t even care at this point. Pong was and never will be your favorite. Flip cup was your speciality and even Taehyung knew that. You find yourself sitting with Jungkook on their couch, legs tucked underneath you, watching at Taehyung and Jennie take on another round of pong with Jackson—a fraternity brother—and his long time girlfriend—Mina, maybe?

“Are you even drunk right now?” You deadpan Jungkook with your eyes and he gives you a small smile.

“Nah,” he says, “You are though,” he says pointedly drinking from his beer.

“Hey—“ you point, “Only a little,” you whisper close to his ear and he laughs at you again. “You sir, need to drink.”

Jungkook shakes his head before standing up, your eyes following up his jeans to his t-shirt clad chest. Has he always looked like this? You grab onto his extended hand and he leads you away from everyone and your heart rate quickens. Where are you going? What’s he doing?

To your relief, he takes to the small outside balcony, sliding the door nearly closed as you step out. There’s two other people out here smoking cigarettes that greet you and Jungkook curiously. You have seen these boys before, but you know they don’t recognize you. They obviously think you’re some random girl Jungkook has invited but—if they only knew.

The fresh air feels nice, but you can feel a chill running down your spine and you watch Jungkook’s frame go to a dark corner of the balcony, bending down to pick something off the ground.

“What are you doing?” You ask him and he turns back to you and you send some interesting paraphernalia in his hands.

“Not in a drinking mood tonight,” he says, his eyes leaving yours before focusing on the small glass bowl in his hands. He starts to pack it and you’re watching his every move closely. You never knew Jungkook to be a stoner, but the way he packs it quickly and begins to light it, tells you otherwise. He inhales through the end of the bowl deeply, exhaling once, before quickly taking another hit.

“Goddamn,” you laugh and he starts to cough a little bit, a small laugh coming from him.

Jungkook begins to walk back to the corner before you grab his shirt to pull him back.

“You heard of sharing is caring?” You say and he shakes his head.

“No, you’re drunk, you don’t need—“

“I want too,” you say. You hadn’t smoked in awhile, but you knew you could trust Jungkook. “Come on, I’m fine.”

Jungkook hesitates a little before he holds out the bowl. You take it and hold is securely between your lips. He lights the underside and you inhale deeply. The balcony begins to smell like weed, but it doesn’t bother you, it never has. You exhale and give him a small smile. He puts the illegal substances away and stands beside of you on the balcony.

“Alright, that will be five dollars,” he says and you turn to him, your mouth agape.

“Five dollars a hit? Kiss my ass,” you say and you suddenly begin to feel the effects of the marijuana, which makes you giggle a little too long.

“How was your day?” Jungkook asks you and you nearly feel like you could fall asleep.

“Exhausting,” you mumble, “I got like four hours of sleep last night and one of my professors had the audacity to tell me that my answer was wrong on my homework when literally five other people had the same answer and got it right. And then I had coffee as my meals and had a busting headache until I took the longest nap of my fucking life—“

“Slow down,” Jungkook interjects with a laugh, “Too much information that I’m not processing right now.”

You let out an “ugh” before saying, “I’ve had better days for sure.” You leave it at that. “What about you?”

He smiles before turning to you completely, “I’ve had better days, better weeks for sure.” He almost sounds annoyed now, like something is deeply bothering him.

You let a pause presume between the two of you, unsure of what to say. You know you shouldn’t bring it up, but you can’t help it. The bruises on his face, the cuts on his hands—you needed to know what happened to him. Despite your intoxicated state, you could form sentences and think pretty clearly and you weren’t letting Jungkook out of your sight without explaining himself.

“Jungkook,” you say in a whisper, looking around to see if the other guys had left. They had. “Are you gonna tell me what happened to your face?”

He looks down, almost embarrassed. “There was a fight on Tuesday,” he stops when you furrow your eyebrows at him.

“Tuesday?!” You half whisper, “What the hell are you doing fighting on a Tuesday? Jungkook you said—“

“It wasn’t an official fight Y/N,” he interrupts you, “I was fucking jumped with one of my friends,” he says and your eyes widen. You feel your head spinning and your mouth goes dry. From the weed, alcohol, or the conversation? You’re not sure.

“What?” You ask, worry filling your tone, “Jungkook what the fuck! You said you had this under control.”

“Keep your voice down!” He scolds, “I do have it under control, although you can’t really control when you get jumped.”

“W-why? Who would want—“

“His name is Eric. I beat him at the last real fight and I guess he’s a sore fucking loser. He wants a rematch and everything, said he was injured before the fight, so he sent some pussies to jump my friend Jimin and I.”

The information being taken in wasn’t something you wanted to hear. Was this stupid underground boxing that serious? And how stupid could Jungkook be to continue to do this?

“Well you’re not gonna fight him again,” you pause. He doesn’t look at you. “Are you?”

“There’s a lot of money on the line,” he says.

“Jungkook you’ve got to be joking.”

“I’m not Y/N,” he turns to you again, his body now closer than before. His knuckles gripping the railing are pale and cracked. “If I win this fight, I won’t need anymore money before the end of the year. Hell, I’ll probably even have some left over.”

“Okay? And?”

“Then I can be done with fighting,” he sounds genuine but insincere  at the same time. This greatly improves your posture and you feel your heartbeat calming down.

“B-but I figured you would need more money? Your parents Jungkook?” You stumble over some of your words.

“Y/N you don’t understand the money within these things, it’s insane. Trust me, I’ll be set with money for awhile. I just have to win that fight…”

You want to protest him. Tell him he shouldn’t do it, that he should find a normal job, get away from that stuff—but you stay silent. Jungkook always will be as stubborn as you and he seems to have made up his mind about this fighting stuff awhile ago. At the end of the day, whatever happens to him, isn’t necessarily your business.

“You know I’ll never agree with this,” you shake your head, looking down at Jungkook’s hands. They’ve relaxed against the railing and time has slowed down significantly. Every blink of your eyes seem to last 5 seconds and Jungkook could say the same thing.

“I know,” Jungkook steps towards you, overlapping one of his hands with yours, “But like I said, I trust you and you should trust me,” he almost sounds desperate. “Look at me,” he whispers and you slowly turn your head up. Your noses are nearly touching and you can smell him, your vision clouding in the dark.

“Do you trust me?” He asks quietly, licking his lips and you swallow, trying to find your breath.

You nod your head slowly, “Yes.”

You don’t know who leans in first, but when your lips meet, it’s like a siren goes off. The scene feels all too familiar. His lips are soft and they feel just like you remember. He’s gentle with you, his left hand holding your waist to pull you towards him, your bodies flush together. One of your hands finds their way to his hair and you pull him down closer to you. This feels good, really good—but isn’t this wrong? You two have just rekindled your relationship and you two didn’t even last four weeks before you two are snogging—the very reason your friendship became weird in the first place all those years ago.

You try to pull away, “Jungkook—“ he closes the gap once again and it’s like a drug—touch is like heroin in your veins. Both of you are hungry—hungry for each other. You’re not sure when, but you find yourself backed into the wall of the dark-side of the balcony. The door isn’t in view so anyone inside couldn’t see what was going on right now thank god.

“Y/N,” the groan sends your body into overdrive and he begins to trail his lips down your neck and you’ve pulled him so close to you there is barely room to breathe. It’s gotta be the alcohol—or the weed—or just Jungkook—but you’ve never wanted anyone more in your life. You squeeze your thighs together to find some unrelieved friction and Jungkook senses what you’re doing. He stops you, forcing is own leg between your crotch and you subtly moan.

“Fuck, shh,” Jungkook scolds and it makes you laugh as you check if anyone is coming to the door.

“Jungkook,” you whisper and he closes the gap between you again, covering your mouth gently and you genuinely feel butterflies in your stomach. Jungkook’s hand trails from your waist down to the front of you jeans and you pull away suddenly, “Jungkook w-what are you doing?!”

“Do you want me to do this?” He sounds mischievous as he pops open the button to your pants and you can safely say you never thought you would be in this situation with Jeon Jungkook of all people, but you are not about to stop him.

You kiss him this time, pulling on his hair, eliciting another delicious groan from him. His hand makes it way to your center and you shiver in the cold, his hands warm against your underwear. He rubs you through the material, once, twice, three times before he moves aside the fabric—the wetness covering his fingers instantly. You look towards the door again nervous that someone might walk out here and see the two of you compromised—you would die. Especially if it was Taehyung or Jennie.

“Quiet, alright?” Jungkook whispers and you nod biting your lip as he enters a finger into you. You close your eyes, mouth falling open. Your breathing picks up as he enters a second digit. His fingers are long and calloused as you noticed before but it feels so good. He brings one of your legs around his waist so he can get deeper into your center and a small, squeaky moan escapes from your mouth. Jungkook shuts you up by kissing you again and he begins to move his fingers in and out, curling them in all the right places, sending you into a silent mess.

You and Jungkook shouldn’t be doing this—not here, not right now, not ever. But you’re not doing anything to stop it. Neither is he. Is this suppose to be happening then? No—definitely yes. Wait, what? Your brain is so foggy you can’t even think straight.

Jungkook has added a third finger and it’s becoming harder and harder to stay quiet. Jungkook’s face in the crook of your neck, your neck in his—it’s all a little too intimate but it’s hot and heavy and it feels so good. Jungkook begins to use his thumb to find your clit, which he does with no problem—rubbing there and still moving in and out of you. Goddamn, he knows what he is doing.

“Jungkook, I’m gonna—“

“Shh,” he says, “Bite me, anywhere,” he says and you do as he says, your teeth clamping down onto his shoulder as you feel yourself falling off the edge. Your orgasm comes in a huge wave and it’s one of the best you’ve had in a long time—your body is shaking and you whimper into his shoulder, trying to keep as quiet as possible. Jungkook lets you finish before he pulls his hand out of your pants, letting your leg drop. You two stare at each other for a couple seconds, unsure of what to do now. You knew that Jungkook was hard in his pants but you weren’t sure if he wanted you to do anything about it. Should you ask? No that’s fucking weird. Well it’s fucking weird you just let your best friend of a billion years to give you one of the best orgasms of your life.

“Um,” he speaks first, “We should go back inside,” he says.

You nod, “Yeah, we should.”

You follow closely behind him as he slides the door open and you step back into the much warmer apartment.

“Y/N! Jungkook! What were you guys doing?!” Jennie pops out of nowhere until she steps back, “Fuck never mind, I can smell it,” she laughs, her eyes looking between the two of you. “What’s wrong with you two? Are you fighting again? Jesus fucking—“

“No, we’re fine, just high,” Jungkook gives her a reassuring smile and she nods absentmindedly. She is very drunk and then two of you might have to go home sooner than later.

“I need to call an Uber,” you say grabbing your phone from your pocket.

“I can drive you guys if you want,” Jungkook offers and you narrow your eyes at him.

“Absolutely not, you’re high.” You say pulling up the app on your phone.

“I’ve driven high before it’s not—“

“Jungkook, no,” you somewhat snap at him. This kid really knows how to grind your gears. “Thanks for inviting us, I just don’t want Jennie to do something she regrets tomorrow morning.” You try your best to lighten to mood but it’s not helping. As much progress as you and Jungkook had made the past few weeks, that all feels gone now. There’s heaviness with you and him and you hate it.

“Just let me know when you make it home?” Jungkook’s eyes are hard to read. He looks worried, anxious, high obviously, and other potential obscurities.

“I will, I promise,” you give him a smile and he returns one weakly. You look over your shoulder to find Jennie practically draping herself all over Taehyung. Fuck. “Jennie! Come on! We’re leaving,” you stomp over to the two of them and Taehyung doesn’t seemed bothered by Jennie throwing herself at him at all. If anything, they both seem to like it. “Jennie, quit, he has a girlfriend. Taehyung, you have a girlfriend,” you narrow at the both of them.

Taehyung laughs very drunkenly, “You’re right, come on Jen,” Taehyung pushes her away slightly and she stumbles over her feet.

“Our Uber is almost here,” you tell her and she nods.

“Sounds good,” she gives you a thumbs up. 

“Help me walk her Tae?” You ask and he nods.

As you and Taehyung have Jennie up around your shoulders, you look around the apartment to find Jungkook to tell him bye, but he’s nowhere to be seen.

_____

It had been exactly one week since you’ve seen Jungkook. Since he was fist deep into your vagina, pleasuring you with at least 20 people in the room next to you. It has also been the last time you spoke to him. He didn’t reach out for any tutoring this week which was odd—as the two of you set a schedule for it a few weeks back. You were worried. You knew you should reach out to him and talk about what happened—but something was holding you back. You didn’t want to talk over the phone. It had to be done in person and it just had to be done. You didn’t want to lose Jungkook a second time to another drunken mistake.

Mistake? Since when was it a mistake? Was it a mistake?

You had no idea.

It’s why you’ve found yourself at Jungkook’s apartment a week later, waiting for someone to open the door. You wait patiently and no one answers the door. You’re about to give up when a voice startles you.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?”

Taehyung appears to your left and you jump.

“Shit Taehyung,” you hold a hand over your chest, “I’m sorry, I-I was just wondering if Jungkook was home?”

Taehyung adjusts his backpack. He must be getting back from class. “He’s probably at the gym.”

You nod slowly, “Alright, thank you.”

“No problem,” he says and you’re about to walk away and he stops you again, “Everything okay?”

You open your mouth and close it again, “Not sure,” you tell him honestly. He nods without another word, seeming to understand where you’re coming from.

If your assumptions were right, Jungkook would be at a gym about ten minutes from campus, one he frequented as a freshman all that time ago. You wanted everything to be okay, but now, you were sure you have done fucked it up once again.

The gym isn’t crowded and you don’t recognize any cars to be Jungkook’s so your mood begins to dampen as you walk towards the front door. The bell rings and you probably look like an idiot walking in with jeans and sandals, but your eyes ignore the stares as you try to find Jungkook. You walk through the gym towards the back, your neck craning each direction to find him. It smells of sweat and grit, something you haven’t done too much of lately. You’re about to give up until you reach the back, where a cracked door leads into another section of the gym. You open the crack slowly and the sounds of grunting and hard hits fill the room. You stop in your place as your eyes land on Jungkook, downing boxing gloves, a pair of shorts, and nothing else. You gulp.

He’s hitting a heavy bag hard and fast, his movements halting only for a split second before he strikes again. He’s dripping in sweat and you gulp again. Should you interrupt? He’s definitely not expecting you therefore you probably shouldn’t barge in but you’re already here, so what are you supposed to do?

“Come on Jungkook,” another man’s voice comes into play. You’ve never seen this guy with mint colored hair. “Throw a southpaw, let’s go!” 

Jungkook’s stance quickly changes and he’s throwing his right arm and then uppercutting his left arm with all of his weight. 

“Nice Jungkook,” the voice says again. Jungkook steps back with a smile on his face, looking behind him. 

“Hey,” a different voice yells over and you stop to see who it is. A guy slightly shorter than Jungkook appears in the crack of the door, a wide smile across his face.

“Good news, fight is set,” the guy smiles, although his smile reads less than enthusiastic. You notice some bruising along this guys arms, a large scrap on the side of his face. This has to be Jimin, the other guy that was jumped with Jungkook. 

“When is it?” Jungkook breathes heavily, his hair sticking to his forehead as he tries to push it back through his gloves.

“October thirteenth,” Jimin says, “A Friday.”

Jungkook laughs, “A fucking Friday the thirteenth? How cheesy could they get?”

You swallow harshly. October 13th was a less than three weeks away. You’re sure they are talking about the fight with the guy named Eric that Jungkook mentioned.

“I know right,” the nameless guy says, “But I’m sure you’ll kick his ass once again, waste of your time.”

“Don’t have to tell me twice Jimin,” Jungkook sounds annoyed and you’re starting to wonder if you should have came here at all. 

“Come on, let’s do some more sets,” the other guy says says, patting Jungkook on the shoulder.

You take in a deep breath, hoping that this doesn’t backfire. You take your chance and open the door to the room as if you just showed up. Jungkook, Jimin, and the third guy turns to you.

“Y/N?” Jungkook asks, looking confused, “What are you doing here?”

You glance around the room awkwardly, “Uh, I-uh, went to your apartment to see you if you were a-and Taehyung said you were here, so,” you sound like a babbling idiot.

Jungkook’s eyes soften and it’s hard to not stare below his neck, but somehow you manage.

“Jimin, Yoongi this is Y/N,” Jungkook formally introduces you, “She’s a friend.” A friend. That hurt more than it should have.

“Hi,” Jimin gives you a sweet smile and he seems like a person Jungkook would automatically gravitate towards. Yoongi stays quiet. He’s definitely not someone you would strike as Jungkook’s friend. 

“Sorry if I’m interrupting—I didn’t know…” you trail off, feeling more than awkward in this situation.

“No worries,” Jimin shakes his head, “We were almost done anyways.”

Jungkook’s eyes haven’t met yours since you’ve walked in. He’s staring at Jimin and knowing Jungkook, he’s going to try and leave as soon as he can.

“Wanna meet again tomorrow?” Jimin asks towards Jungkook as he packs up his bag on the floor.

“Yeah, sure,” Jungkook mutters, staring aimlessly at the ceiling. “I’m gonna stay here for a little longer though.”

“Alright,” Jimin says, “It was nice to meet you Y/N.”

You smile to him, “You too.”

Jimin and Yoongi leave the room and the silence is suffocating. You cross your arms around your chest feeling vulnerable and insecure. You look at Jungkook and he’s staring at you now. He looks away from you before turning back to the bag, lining up to strike it again.

“Jungkook,” your voice interrupts his chance to punch. He pauses with one more glance to your frame. You begin to walk closer to him wanting to get this over and done with. “What’s wrong with you?” You ask.

Jungkook looks down, “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he mutters and you nearly jump out of your body when he begins to strike the bag in quick, calculated motions. The bag moves backwards with each punch and his face tenses up, his mind clearly on one thing and one thing only. You exhale deeply, trying to stay calm. If that’s the way he’s going to play—you won’t keep your cool for long.

“Jungkook, stop,” you raise your voice over his movements and he suddenly quits, looking up at you again. “Don’t do this right now,” you say stepping closer to him again.

“What do you want Y/N, I’m busy alright,” he scoffs, stepping away from the bag, turning fully to you. You wish he didn’t look good drenched in sweat but it was hard to stay focused when he was looking like that.

“You know exactly what I want. You haven’t spoken to me in a fucking week Jungkook,” your words are fiery despite your cool demeanor.

“Is that really that big of an issue? We barely spoke for two years until recently,” he sounds annoyed, but also timid—you can sense something is bothering him.

You frown, “Yeah until recently because I thought we moved past that.”

He doesn’t say anything. And that’s what boils your blood. Tears are threatening to spill from your eyes—not from sadness, but frustration.  

“So is that it? I let you finger fuck me and now I don’t mean anything to you anymore?” Your words are seething and once you say this, Jungkook’s face softens that slightest bit.

“What? No Y/N—“

“Then what the fuck is wrong with you? What have I done?!” It takes all of you not to breakdown right there. You just got Jungkook back. You couldn’t lose him a second time.

“Y/N listen,” Jungkook takes off his boxing gloves, throwing them in the floor, “You haven’t done anything alright. It’s just—complicated,” he shakes his head, stepping closer to you. He tries to grab one of your hands but you pull away from him.

“No, no you don’t get to do that,” you say, “What happened to communicating Jungkook? Wasn’t that our issue all that time ago?”

He looks down and back up. You really wish he would put a shirt on. “I know, I know…” he wanders off, “If I could tell you I would, but I’m just under a lot of stress right now and—“

“Then tell me what’s wrong,” you don’t want to interrupt him, but you feel like you two are going in an endless circle. Jungkook steps towards you once again and this time you don’t back away from him.

“Look, I’m sorry alright. I shouldn’t have cut you off this past week—I just thought it would clear my head,” he says. With hesitation, he grabs your wrists gently, “That was stupid I get that okay? I’m sorry, especially after… what happened,” he says and you can tell he means it. Jungkook is a genuine person, you can’t argue that.

Your face warms up and you feel almost embarrassed. Were you overreacting?

“I just don’t understand,” you mutter, “I’m sorry for jumping to conclusions but Jungkook, you’re worrying me. I don’t know what’s going on with us and this whole boxing thing is keeping me awake at night.”

He intertwines your fingers together and it’s comforting. Comfort you’ve been missing ever since a week ago. “Y/N, please just trust me okay? If I can get through these next few weeks I’m set and I promise you don’t have to worry about me anymore.”

“How can you promise that?” You look up fully at him and you’re a lot closer than moments ago.

“I don’t to make promises I can’t keep.”

You sure hoped he was right.

_____

Two weeks have gone by since your talk with Jungkook in the gym. He had resumed talking to you normally, although there was still something off about him. Then again, there was something off with you too. The intimate situation the two of you found yourself in a few weeks back, still hadn’t been fully discussed and it bothered you like no other. It bothered you because you couldn’t stop thinking about it. You’d be lying if you said you didn’t want it to happen again—or even further. Fuck, you shouldn’t be thinking about Jungkook like this. But don’t you have a right to? Jesus you were so confused. It’s why you have found yourself at Beta Tau Sigma once again on a Saturday night, Jennie already lost in tow somewhere, and you’re standing with Namjoon. Even though your mind was clouded with Jungkook, Namjoon was good company at keeping you distracted.

“What’s up with you lately?” Namjoon asks handing you another drink. You furrow your brows before taking a sip. Your face scrunches up at the taste—not the best.

“What do you mean?” You ask.

Namjoon gives you a straight smile, “Don’t play stupid,” he says. You don’t even try to make up a lie. Namjoon is too smart for that.

“I don’t know, Joon,” you sigh, “I’ve just been going through a lot lately I guess,” you mutter over the loud music.

“I get it,” he says, “Wanna talk about it?”

You’re about to answer him when you suddenly spot a familiar head of dark brown hair across the room. It’s Jungkook and he’s with a girl—you recognize her from somewhere. She’s standing in front of him and he’s smirking down at her and says something that makes her laugh. Then you know where you’ve seen her before—the bathroom girl. Fuck her, you don’t even realize you roll your eyes.

Namjoon laughs, “Whoa, what was that for?” He raises an eyebrow at you.

“W-what?” You look back to him and he follows where your eyes had been.

“Looking at Jungkook, eh?” He smirks, “Something going on between you two?”

You shake your head immediately, “No. Absolutely not.”

You didn’t know if that was a lie or not. Sure, Jungkook and you may have swapped some bodily fluids recently, but nothing else. You were also keeping a secret of his, one that if Namjoon found out about—would have him kicked out of the frat faster than he could blink. You glance back over to Jungkook one more time and find his eyes scanning the room. They land on you within 5 seconds and he shifts uncomfortably in front of bathroom girl.

“You sure?” Namjoon finds this situation funny. You don’t.

“Shut up,” you push on his chest slightly and he grabs your hand, pulling you towards him.

“Oh I can make you shut up,” he mumbles and you laugh as he closes the distance between the two of you. Namjoon’s lips are always soft and plump but that doesn’t mean he is always the most gentle. Namjoon is rough and sometimes—it’s just what you need. Jungkook’s lips on—

You pull away quickly from him. What the fuck?

“You okay?” He asks with concern.

You nod your head, “Yeah, I, just uh need some air,” you say. It was true—your head was now spinning and the alcohol wasn’t helping. You couldn’t believe you thought of Jungkook when kissing Namjoon.

“Alright, I’ll be by the bar.”

You leave Namjoon’s side and push your way through the hoards of people and loud music. You spot a door towards the back of the kitchen and use that as your opportunity. The air is cool but crisp. Just what you needed. There’s quite a few people outside surrounding a large bonfire keeping warm. You relax against the porch railings, staring aimlessly at the ground beneath you. You pour your drink out, knowing you don’t need to drink anymore of it. You nearly shit yourself when a voice comes up directly behind you.

“Y/N.”

You whip around, clutching your chest. “Jesus Christ Jungkook,” you say. His hands are stuffed in the pockets of his jeans, a large flannel and sweatshirt covering his torso. He approaches you hastily and you don’t take your eyes off of his.

“I didn’t know you were coming tonight,” he says, obviously trying to make small talk.

“I didn’t either until Namjoon asked me this evening,” you say and you instantly regret bringing up his name. Jungkook stiffens.

“Still good friends with him I see,” he bites his lip nervously, looking over to the bonfire. You squint your eyes at him. He sounds off and annoyed.

“I see you’re still friends with bathroom girl,” you shoot back. You’re not even drunk, barely tipsy, but the thought of Jungkook being annoyed at you and Namjoon nearly sends you. At least you know Namjoon well—the only Jungkook knows about that girl is her fucking mouth.

“Gotta an issue with that?” He runs his tongue against his mouth and he looks at your from the side.

You turn to him and this feels all too familiar. “Yeah, actually I do.”

“Well, I have an issue kissing Namjoon in front of me—are we even?” He cocks his head to the side and you’ve never felt more annoyed yet turned on at the same time.

“Whatever,” you brush him off running a hand through your hair, turning back to your front staring at the fire. “Last time I checked I don’t take orders from you.”

“I know,” he says and you feel him push his body against your side. Your breathing instantly picks up and you bite the inside of your cheek to steady yourself. One of Jungkook’s hands finds its way to your shoulder, trailing it down to your elbow, then pushing it through the crack of your arm to settle on your waist.

“Jungkook,” you say quietly, not wanting to bring any attention to the two of you. Jungkook’s head leans down, his temple brushing against yours. His hand rubs gentle circles on your waist and you inhale his scent deeply. Fuck. “Jungkook… are you drunk?”

He shakes his head, “No, are you?” You believe him. He doesn’t smell like alcohol nor does he seem tipsy.

“No,” you say. Jungkook pulls you impossibly closer to him and your throat feels like its closing up.

“Can I kiss you?” Jungkook asks and you turn your head up, your noses brushing together. What? When has he ever been this upfront? You hesitate to answer but soon nod slowly—just once—you needed to feel it again—just once again. He closes the gap between you and you nearly melt into him. One of your hands grabs his face gently, pulling him down to you. Your own hands find their way to his fluffy hair, entangling into the locks. He presses himself into you and you feel your heart beating out of your chest. You let out a small whine when he pulls on your lip with his teeth and it shakes you back to reality.

You pull away from him—your entire body on fire. He’s got you trapped against the railing and you don’t trust the old wood to support your weight much longer.

“Jungkook,” you whisper and you feel something hard pressing into your front and your throat goes dry.

“Come home with me,” he says, “Please.” Desperation. That’s what laces his tone and you’re sure your heart left from your chest. But—you know this isn’t a good idea. Blame it on being sober, but you’re not sure you should go there with Jungkook. Not right now at least. Your head was spinning and as much as you wanted to—you couldn’t.

“Jungkook,” your eyes focus on his chest, watching your hands grip his shirt gently. “I—We can’t, we shouldn’t,” you bite your lip nervously.

“Please Y/N,” he nuzzles his forehead into yours, his grip on your getting tighter, “I need you, please—“

“Jungkook, no,” you push him off of you carefully and he looks hurt and confused. “I’m sorry, I—I want to but—“

“But what?” Once again, he looks sad and maybe a little angry now? “II’m not Namjoon? Is that it?”

You shake your head, not able to find a good answer in your head. His hands drop from your side and so does your stomach. Without another glance at your frame, Jungkook walks away, pulling at the roots of his hair.

You get home alone that night. Fuck. You think you really may have messed up this time. No, Jungkook wasn’t Namjoon but Namjoon could never be Jungkook. The history the two of you have... god you were so confused. You’re not sure you’ve ever felt gravity pull you to someone more since recently, that someone being Jungkook. As confused as your feelings were, you cry some in your bed. You don’t sleep that night, worried that whatever wedge is driving itself between you and Jungkook again—won’t be fixable this time.

_____

Jungkook, maybe much not to your surprise, cuts you off again the next week. You haven’t spoken or seen him since the party. Since he wanted you to go home with him and you nearly did, but thankfully you used your head some. You missed seeing his face dearly and missed his smile even more. When did things get so complicated with you and him? Ever since fucking graduation in high school—nothing has been the same. It’s been years and years and it’s something you’ve never gotten over. The more you think about it, the obvious reasons begin to show. Maybe Jungkook means more to you than you thought? Maybe he wasn’t just supposed to be your best friend? What if you two had been destined for something else all this time? Or maybe you weren’t meant to be friends at all?

Your thoughts are interrupted when a familiar face walks into your shift at the diner. Taehyung is by himself, his backpack thrown lazily over one of his shoulders. He looks tired, but just like you, getting through the day. His eyes meet yours and give him a small smile.

“Sit wherever,” you tell him and he decides to sit along the bar, sitting across from where you stand.

“Good evening,” he gives you a small smile, running a hand over his face.

“Hey Tae,” you breathe out, handing him a menu. He holds up his hand, not wanting it.

“Just get me a latte, extra espresso please,” he says and you nod.

“Coming right up.”

It doesn’t even take you a minute to make lattes now. The process has become so familiar it’s become second nature. Mainly due to your own obsession with lattes and your determination to perfect them yourself. You top the mug off with some foam before sliding it over to Taehyung. He doesn’t wait for it to cool before taking a big gulp.

“Rough day?” You ask, leaning forward on your elbows.

“You don’t even know,” he grumbles, “I had a quiz in my hardest class today that I didn’t know about, therefore didn’t study for,” he pauses, “I had to pick up all the slack on a group project that’s due on Saturday and then I have had to deal with Jungkook’s dumbass all week and he was at his worst this morning,” he rolls his eyes.

The mention of Jungkook makes your heart flutter yet stomach feel nauseated, “What’s wrong with Jungkook?”

Taehyung raises an eyebrow at you, “Don’t you know?”

“Um… he hasn’t talked to me in a week,” you look down at your hands, your mouth dry.

“Jesus fuck,” Taehyung groans, “No wonder he’s been in such a fucking mood. What did he do?”

You weren’t sure how to go about your answer. Um, yeah, so like Jungkook wanted me to go home with him to have sex and I did too and I didn’t and I don’t know why. Sounds great.

“It wasn’t him. It was me,” you pause, “He asked me to go home with him.”

Taehyung’s eyes widen slightly, a small smirk on his face, “Did you?”

You shake your head, “No, I couldn’t bring myself to. I wanted to but…” you trail off, slightly embarrassed to be telling Taehyung this.

“Goddammit,” he nearly laughs, “No wonder he’s pissy. Between you and tomorrow, kid’s got his work cut out.” You pick up Taehyung joking around but you still furrow your eyebrows.

“What’s tomorrow?” You ask.

“The 13th. Did he not tell you?” Fuck. His fight. Without talking to Jungkook everyday, you had forgotten about the fight.

“He mentioned it.”

“Are you going?” The question catches you off guard.

“What, oh no,” you shake your head, “No, he didn’t ask and I don’t think that’s something I wanna see anyways.”

“Trust me, he wants you there,” he says, “He’s just being a dick.”

“He’s got a funny way of showing it,” you snap. “Every time something happens between us… he shuts me off. I don’t fucking get it.”

“Y/N he does this to everyone when he’s stressed,” Taehyung pauses, “Especially since, you know,” he shrugs. The fights.

You nod, “I get it,” you slump, “It’s still frustrating.”

“You don’t have to tell me that—at least you don’t live with him,” he gives you a laugh and you send a smile in return.

“How do you feel about it?” You ask him genuinely, “The boxing I mean…”

Taehyung squints his eyes briefly, “I think it’s stupid personally,” this answer warms your heart until he continues, “But if I was as good as Jungkook I would probably do it too. The money in these things are insane.”

You raise your eyebrows, “So I’ve heard.”

Taehyung nods before he gets a text on his phone. He reads it before smiling.

“Your girlfriend?” You probe curiously.

He clears his throat, “Uh, yeah,” he responds quickly before turning his phone over. “So, what exactly is going on between you two?”

“Uh, what do you mean?” You laugh sarcastically.

Taehyung deadpans his face, “You know what I mean. I know you guys have this weird chemistry, it’s obvious. Plus he hasn’t shut up about you since you started tutoring him. Y/N this, Y/N that… it’s disgusting.”

Did Jungkook really talk about you?

“Ask him, not me because I don’t even fucking know. I could tell you what Kim Namjoon and I are before I could define mine and Jungkook’s relationship.” You let out a laugh and other eye roll.

“I’m assuming you and hyung are… what do they say? Friends with…?”

“Yeah yeah whatever you wanna call it,” you swat your hand slightly embarrassed.

“Jungkook hates it you know,” he says, switching tones. “You and Namjoon.”

You slightly snort, “And why is that?” You could tell Jungkook didn’t like seeing you with Namjoon, even before last weekend after he voiced it.

“Because he knows Namjoon is the type of guy you’ve always wanted, not him.” This takes you completely off guard.

“Why would Jungkook care about that?” You furrow.

Taehyung shrugs, staying silent this time. You weren’t stupid—you knew what Taehyung was implying by saying what he said. It makes your stomach drop. Maybe Jungkook felt more for you than he supposed to as well?

“So are you gonna come tomorrow?” He asks.

“No Taehyung,” you say, “I don’t want to see Jungkook get the shit beat out of him.”

“Jungkook won’t get the shit beat out of him, I can promise you that.”

You eyes glance over to the door as a small group of people walk into the diner. You don’t say anything else to Taehyung as you walk over to greet them. You seat them and make your way back to Taehyung, but you can’t chat much longer as you now have a table to tend to.

“Listen Y/N,” Taehyung stops you before you can walk back over with menus for the group, “If you wanna come, just text me. Like I said Jungkook wants you there, whether he’s said so or not. Also, another latte please, you’re slacking woman.”

You swat him with the menus before walking away from him. Goddamn, these next 24 hours were going to be hell.

_____

You couldn’t remember the last time you were ever this nervous for someone aside from yourself in a very long time. You remember how nervous you were in high school when you got injured and Jennie had to double with a girl on the bench of the tennis team. You remember being nervous for your parents when you left for college. And now, you don’t ever recall a moment in your life where you have been this nervous for Jeon Jungkook of all people.

It was Friday at 3:43 PM and you day was slow but painless, and you had no official plans set for the evening. Taehyung had texted you, wondering if you wanted to hitch a ride along with him to the match. You had yet to answer him. His text mocking you from your screen and you wanted to pretend that you knew nothing of the boxing match but that was impossible.

[You 3:59 PM] What time should I be ready

You send the message before you could regret it and delete it. Jennie has yet to be home from going to the store and you would need a good, yet believable excuse for your absence tonight.

[Taehyung 4:00 PM] i’ll pick you up around 8

[You 4:00 PM] Sounds good. Have you spoken to Jungkook today?

[Taehyung 4:02 PM] no he’s been quiet all day. have you?

[You 4:02 PM] Nope

You don’t receive another text from him and you slump down on your couch. It had been nearing two full weeks since Jungkook had spoken to you. You felt like all of this was your fault, sending him mixed signals and unsure of your own feelings for him. From the secretive finger fuck to the gentle kiss you shared last week, Jungkook was on your mind 24/7—aside from taking exams of course—but he was all you could think about lately. Growing up, you obviously loved Jungkook and was practically glued to his hip, but even then you don’t recall thinking about him every single fucking second.

You pull at the roots of your hair and let out a frustrated groan. Maybe you should reach out? After all, without your initiation of friendship all those years ago, you wouldn’t be here now.

You pick up your phone and find Jungkook’s contact and before you can stop yourself, you tap the call button. Your hands are clammy and you know he probably won’t answer, but it’s worth a try. The line rings for about thirty seconds before it goes dead. That dumbass doesn’t even have voicemail set up.

Pissed off even more, you slam your phone against the coffee table and let out an exasperated ‘fuck’ before going to your room to take a nap. Fuck Jeon Jungkook, is the last thought you have before you drift off into sleep.

_____

Taehyung picked you up at 8:02, though you told Jennie it was Namjoon who picked you up and the two of you were having a night in. You think she believed it but left her before she could ask anymore questions.

“I just don’t fucking get it Taehyung, one second he’s fine and another he’s like a child throwing a fit,” you filled Taehyung in on how you tried to call him but to no avail.

“You don’t have to tell me how he is Y/N, I fucking live with the guy,” he groans from his drivers seat. “I just think he’s going through a lot right now… with school, his parents, the boxing, you… he’s never handle stress that well you know that.”

You let out a sigh, leaning against the window, “It’s just so frustrating trying to help him only to get cut off like this…”

Taehyung looks at you with an eyeful glance though you don’t notice. “Y/N, in his eyes you’ve cut him off too, you do realize that right?”

You furrow your eyebrows. “What? No I haven’t?”

“Come on the little brat can’t keep his mouth shut. I know what happened with you two a couple weeks ago,” he says. You don’t say anything, cheeks getting warm. “And the weeks before that on our fucking balcony—“

“Okay what then Tae!” You interrupt him, too embarrassed by the memory.

“Jungkook is trying Y/N,” he says with a hint of a smirk, “He thinks you’re rejecting him,” Taehyung says matter-of-factly.

“Rejecting? C’mon Taehyung you know that I—“

“I know that you and Jungkook like each other, even though neither one of you have said anything, Jennie says it too.”

You narrow your eyebrows at your friend. “I don’t know what I think about Jungkook okay?” You’re being honest. You know you like Jungkook… but you’re scared of what that entails for the future. You want Jungkook in your future, you just don’t know what the right path is.

Taehyung doesn’t say anything else as he pulls his car into a fairly full parking garage. It’s dimly lit and slightly freaks you out. Taehyung had to drive to the other side of the city to get here and you don’t recognize the neighborhood around.

“Stay close to me, alright?” Taehyung opened your door for you and you nod without any argument. You follow Taehyung out of the parking garage into the chilly air and you huddle by his side. The two of you walk down a couple streets before he turns down a dark, dimly lit alleyway.

“Taehyung what the fuck,” you whisper and come to a halt. His brown eyes bleed into yours despite the darkness and he takes your hand into his.

“It’s okay,” he says reassuringly, “I promise.”

You nod reluctantly and the you continue to walk down the alley, coming to a stop at the end where you spot the familiar face of Min Yoongi. He’s standing down a small flight of stairs beneath you two and he greets Taehyung with a stiff smile.

“Taehyung, what’s up,” he says, his eyes immediately looking over at you, “Y/N?”

You tighten your grip around Taehyung’s hand, Yoongi’s stare quite intimidating.

“She should be on Jungkook’s list.”

You stay quiet knowing Taehyung doing the talking is the best strategy. Yoongi looks down at a clipboard—old fashioned but effective you guess—before nodding.

“You guys are good. Hurry and find a seat, there’s a lot of people down here tonight.”  

“You got it,”  Taehyung gives him a small smile before you drag behind him down the stairs and enter through a heavy door. You already hear plenty of commotion as you enter a huge space a few feet from the door. Your eyes look around and you could see nearly a hundred people just in your line of sight.

“Holy shit,” Taehyung says.

“What?” You get nervous by his tone.

“I’ve never seen this many people here, goddamn.”

“Why are there so many people here?” You spot a large boxing ring, dead center of the room and your mouth goes dry.

“I guess people like rematches?” Taehyung raises an eyebrow at you.

“Where’s Jungkook?” You ask, noticing how some eyes are staring at you, making you shift uncomfortably in your boots.

“Probably in the locker rooms… wanna see him?” He asks.

You bite your lip. “Does he wanna see us?” You hope Taehyung says yes. It’s killing you inside not being able to see him, hear him.

“Guess we’ll find out, c’mon,” he smirks and you follow him closely. As you look around, you do notice people you somewhat recognize. Whether it’s from walking around on campus or some of your classes, all these faces are not too unfamiliar. Taehyung takes you away from the crowd of people, through another set of doors and down another hallway. With this much walking and standing, you would have worn something other than booties. You enter the “locker room” area and you suddenly feel queasy. What if Jungkook is mad that you’re here? What if he doesn’t want to see you after all? What if—

“Y/N?” Your thoughts are broken by a honey-like voice and you focus in on the source. Jungkook sits a few feet away from you and Taehyung, back leaning against a wall. He looks confused, but also pleasantly surprised. “What are you doing here?” He gets up and does the unexpected—he embraces you in a tight hug. You return it without a second though, holding him close to you. He pulls away from you after a few moments and gives Taehyung a small hug too.

“Hey,” you say shyly.

“How are you feeling?” Taehyung asks his friend and Jungkook shrugs.

“I’m alright.” Jungkook looks at you again. “I didn’t think you’d ever come to one of these,” he laughs awkwardly.

“Me either,” you say with no expression. As much as you wanted to be happy—you couldn’t. You were pissed at Jungkook for ignoring you and you were pissed that Jungkook was about to fight. You eye his frame, a white t shirt and navy sweatpants hang low on his hips. He looks calm, too calm for your liking.

“Will you give us a minute?” Jungkook suddenly turns to Taehyung and he nods glancing at you.

“I’ll get some seats.”

Taehyung leaves you and Jungkook alone and you nearly feel like crying. What the fuck is this mess?

“Y/N listen to me,” Jungkook says stepping towards you, “I’m so sorry about thess past two weeks. I-I’ve been a dick for no fucking reason and it’s not fair to you.”

You don’t say anything as you stand there with your arms crossed over your chest.

“Fuck I know I’m idiot and there’s no excuse… I’ve just been so stressed lately and you’re the best fucking part of my day—“

“Well why don’t you fucking act like it Jungkook? I’m sick of something happening between us and you acting like a I don’t exist for god knows what reason,” you raise your voice slightly.

“Y/N I,” he pauses, his hands finding their way to your shoulders, “I haven’t been honest with you and,” he pauses again and you feel your heart speed up. What’s he talking about? “I just wanna say—“

“Jungkook, you got five minutes,” the two of you turn to Park Jimin who seemed to come in at the wrong time.

“Fuck,” he says, “We’ll talk after okay?”

You nod hesitantly and before you can push yourself away from him, Jungkook places a kiss on your forehead and it makes your insides melt. Fuck, you meet his brown eyes, biting your lip nervously. 

A revelation springs into your mind; you think you might love him. He pulls you in for another hug, though this is one much shorter as Jimin is ushering you out of the locker room in the blink of an eye.

As much as you wanted to be mad at Jungkook, those thoughts had quickly subsided and replaced with butterflies and nausea. Did you really love Jungkook? You always have, but the feeling in the pit of your heart is pulling you to a different type of love. You cared about him, sometimes even more than yourself. You’ve always wanted the best for him, even if that meant sacrificing your feelings in the process. Now you were stuck between a rock in a hard place, much like you were back in high school when you had a crush on Jungkook. Fuck. And now you have to watch him fight someone like dogs,  

You shake yourself from your thoughts, as loud music flows through your ears and you look around for Taehyung. Luckily, his ashy hair color is easy to spot amongst the crowd and you push yourself to him, squeezing in between bodies and their chatter.

“My bet’s on Jeon,” a voice says.

“Fuck no, Eric isn’t gonna let the same guy beat him twice.”

You try to ignore the snide comments about Jungkook and when you get to Taehyung, he greets you with a smile.

“Hey, everything good?” He asks.

You lick you dry lips, “I don’t know,” you say honestly. Taehyung’s eyes drop and he nods. 

Suddenly, all the lights go out in the venue and a roar of screams and cheers fills the void. You stay still, pressing your body close to Taehyung. It’s not that you feel unsafe, but this environment—it wasn’t for you at all. You heart rate quickens when a man, give a few years on your age, gets into the boxing ring before you, the crowd cheering even louder for him. He bumps a microphone with his palm before bringing it to his mouth.

“Welcome, welcome!” He beams with a smile, “What an outstanding turnout we have tonight! You guys choose a good one to watch because tonight is the rematch of two of the best fighters I’ve seen in a long time…”

“Let’s give a welcome to our first fighter, weighing in at 148 pounds, 5 foot 11, Jeon Jungkook!”

Being an underground fighting ring, there isn’t a posse escorting Jungkook to the ring. He’s got Jimin by his left side, Min Yoongi on the right. Jungkook is shirtless, wearing only a pair of navy shorts, black and white boxing gloves on his hands. He enters the ring with cheers and you inhale and exhale deeply. You look up at Taehyung and he gives you a nod of reassurance to calm down. Jungkook jumps around in place a few times, shaking his arms and shoulders out. From your seat, you can’t read his eyes or facial expression—but he looks calm and unnerved.

“Coming in next, weighing in at 145 pounds, 6 feet tall, Kim Eric!”

Jungkook’s opponent walks in next, three guys surrounding him. He walks slow and steady, his bare chest tattooed beautifully, his boxing gloves a dark red. He enters the ring to cheers and this Eric guy’s gaze doesn’t leave Jungkook’s body one time. Jungkook hasn’t spared one glance at the guy and you find yourself somewhat smiling. Jungkook has always been a cocky-fuck when it’s come to sports which would usually annoy you, but here right now—he looked hot as fuck standing there as if he had no care in the world. Jungkook stands on the left corner of the ring, sitting on a small stool as Jimin and Yoongi talk to him. Jungkook nods, absorbing their information. Eric and his guys do the same.

Suddenly, both men stand and Jimin is putting a mouth guard in Jungkook’s mouth and with one last nod, he finally looks over at Eric, who has already made his way to the center of the ring with the announcer. Jungkook stalks over slowly, his eyes dark and hungry.

“Alright guys, I want a clean fight. No kicking, no cheap shots. If you get knocked down, I give you ten seconds to get up. You look me in the eyes and say you’re good before anymore fighting happens alright. We go for five rounds, unless more is needed. A knockout wins. Touch gloves.”

Jungkook sticks out his gloves for Eric but Eric only stares at him, ignoring the sign of solidarity.

“Fuck you,” Eric says to Jungkook and sends a chill down your spine. Jungkook rolls his eyes, backing away from him, but stays silent.

“Alright… ready… fight!”

Time slows as a bell rings loudly, the cheers get even louder, and you find yourself gripping Taehyung’s arm for support. Jungkook starts to move around the ring slowly, but Eric isn’t having that—immediately rushing to Jungkook to get a few jabs in. Jungkook manages to dodge them perfectly before Eric can corner him. Jungkook keeps his gloves high and never looks away from Eric. Eric comes after Jungkook again, jabbing once—twice—the third time hitting Jungkook square in the face.

“Shit,” you breathe out, eyes widening.

This time, Jungkook comes for Eric, his jabs coming quick and calculated, landing Eric in the body once. Jungkook jabs again and hits him in the face. Eric moves around quickly, Jungkook not quick to follow him. Eric comes after him again, Jungkook blocking his jabs, but missing at the end, leading to Jungkook getting hit in the face once again as well as a body shot.

Eric is coming in hot, throwing punches and jabs left and right, making Jungkook dance around to dodge them. After a few moments, Jungkook begins to fight back, landing Eric square in the face twice. You notice that Jungkook must have busted Eric’s lip as blood now protrudes from his mouth. This seems to send Eric into overdrive and attacks Jungkook quick and fast. You cover your mouth when Eric has Jungkook trapped against the rope, landing body punches after body punches.

“Alright!! Enough, break it up!!” The announcer gets Eric off of Jungkook and Eric starts to laugh in a very showman's way. Jungkook is breathing heavy and he tilts his head—a habit of his that comes out when he’s frustrated or angry. This seems to be both.

Jungkook and Eric continue to throw jabs at one another. Within a few seconds, the whole fight seems to change as Eric manages to slip past one of Jungkook’s blocks and lands him straight on the cheekbone. Jungkook’s body almost freezes before he falls back on the floor and you gasp at the sight.

“Fuck! Taehyung—“

“He’s fine, he’s fine,” he says but his eyes never met yours.

The announcer is on the floor with Jungkook counting down from ten and Jungkook finally sits up when he reaches the number four.

“You good son?” The guy asks Jungkook.

He nods, “Yeah, let’s go.”

Jungkook gets up and walks around, stretching his neck around, waiting for the ref to announce the second round.

“That’s what you get motherfucker,” Eric says walking past him to his corner. Again, Jungkook says nothing before sitting down. Jimin takes out his mouth guard and lets Jungkook drink some water.

“Why is Jungkook letting him hit him like that?!” You ask Taehyung, looking up to him, “He’s getting his ass kicked!”

Taehyung shakes his head, “Jungkook’s smart Y/N… he’s trying to run Eric’s energy out. If Eric keeps swinging the way he right now, he’ll be passed out on his own soon.”

The second round commences and this time, it’s Jungkook who comes out fast. Jungkook soon has Eric trapped against the rope, landing jab after jab. The ref intervenes and lets them get some air. Jungkook’s skin is sweaty and red hot and you don’t think you’ve ever seen him look as mad as he does right now.

Eric counters quickly, catching up with Jungkook again, landing punch after punch. Jungkook escapes but Eric sticks out a foot, causing Jungkook to trip. The whole crowd—yourself included—start to yell at the action. The referee pulls Eric back and points his finger at him. You can’t hear what he’s saying, but you know it’s a scolding by the way his mouth is moving quickly. You look over at Jungkook who shakes his head disapprovingly. He’s talking to Jimin as Yoongi cares to a cut on Jungkook’s eyebrow.

“He’s a fucking asshole,” you make out Jungkook saying.

The third round starts and it seems both Eric and Jungkook are equally fighting this time. Jungkook’s combinations are cleaner than Eric’s, anyone can see that, but the way Eric keeps landing in on Jungkook—makes you feel like this isn’t going to end well for him.

“Come on Jungkook!” You find yourself yelling in the chaos, your whole body shaking as Jungkook dances around the ring to get away from Eric. Eric has him trapped again, but with Jungkook’s strength, gets Eric off of him to turn the tables. There’s sweat and blood coming off both fighters and it’s got to be the most horrifying thing you’ve ever seen.

“Come on you little bitch,” Eric spits at Jungkook, “Is that all you’ve fucking got?”

Jungkook says nothing again, jabbing when he needs to.

“Fucking hell why won’t you speak to me you fucker?” Eric speaks again.

“I don’t have shit to say to you,” Jungkook finally retorts back. “You lost my respect when you sent those pussies to jump Park and I.”

Eric swings hard and Jungkook ducks, barely missing it by an inch. Eric is tired, Jungkook too, but Jungkook can see a weakness in him now.

“Come on it was all in good fun,” he says with a smirk, “You know what else would be good fun?”

Jungkook doesn’t say anything.

“Kicking your ass,” he pauses and before Jungkook can do anything else, Eric swings down hard, landing on Jungkook’s body knocking the breath out of him. Jungkook stumbles backwards, holding his stomach, he lands again on the ground with a clunk. Eric stands over him, before taking out his mouthpiece, “And stealing your bitch you invited tonight.”

“Goddammit,” you mutter watching the scene unfold in front of you. No one knows what they’re saying to each other over the noise and you honestly couldn’t care. You just want Jungkook to get up and finish this shit.

Jungkook stands up, though with a visible wince in his face. He’s breathing heavy and is filled with pure rage. The fourth bell rings and it doesn’t take long for Jungkook to attack him. Jungkook is fast and furious, landing punch after punch and you’ve never been happier for someone to get their ass kicked. Jungkook lands a punch straight across the face, causing Eric to stumble backwards. Even though you know nothing about boxing, Eric looks exhausted where Jungkook looks ready for more. With everything left in Eric, he starts coming after Jungkook. Jungkook blocks until he can’t block no more, but something in Jungkook’s stance changes. Jungkook steps forward, his right hand landing straight on Eric’s face cause his form to break. Jungkook steps quickly again, his left hand bringing an uppercut to Eric’s jaw.

The room nearly falls silent as Eric loses balance, going down straight on his back and head. When he hits the ground, the room erupts in a roar so loud it nearly deafens you.

“Holy shit!” Taehyung exclaims. The ref is down on the ground, counting down from 10, and then it’s at 5 and then 3 and then—

“Ladies and gentlemen, Jeon Jungkook wins this rematch!” The ref grabs Jungkook’s hand and holds it up over his head and you find yourself jumping up and down, pulling Taehyung down for a hug.

“Taehyung oh my fucking god!” You exclaim. He smiles brightly at you.

“I told you, he knows what he’s doing,” he says and you nod. You couldn’t deny it now—as stupid as Jungkook was for getting involved in this, his talent for the sport was extraordinary. “Come on, let’s get to his locker room,” Taehyung pulls you by your hand and you make your way back to where you were earlier.

Jungkook hasn’t arrived yet, but you find Yoongi already in there, setting out a first aid kit.

“Hey guys,” he says, “Great fight, huh?”

“Yeah, it was brilliant,” Taehyung says. The door opening catches your attention and Jungkook walks through with Jimin.  Your eyes instantly meet and you can’t even stop yourself from running to him and throwing your arms around him. He exhales deeply with a sharp wince, returning your bone crushing grip with his own.

“Alright lovebirds, he needs to get fixed up,” Yoongi’s voice interrupts you two. You hesitantly let him go and he sits down in front of Yoongi, sitting forward on his knees. He’s still breathing heavy, dripping sweat everywhere.

“Fucking hell Jungkook, since when do you box southpaw?” Taehyung pushes his shoulder slightly and Jungkook only laughs as Yoongi wipes away the blood on his eyebrow.

“I’ve been working on it for awhile,” he says, “Just never had the right time to use it… until tonight at least,” he says giving you a glance. “Eric is all talk, no bite. I can’t fucking stand him.”

“Well, I don’t think you’ll be boxing him again anytime soon,” Jimin says, “He’s embarrassed himself twice now.”

“Yeah, agreed,” Yoongi chimes in, placing one of those bandaids that pull the skin together like stitches above Jungkook’s eyebrow. “No one will want to box you now knowing you can southpaw.”

Jungkook looks at you and you furrow your eyebrows at him. He said he wasn’t going to fight after this, but the way they are talking—it sounds as if he is.

“Well, I think my boxing career is probably over after tonight,” Jungkook speaks up as if he could read your mind. He tears his eyes away from you as the others look confused.

“What?!”

“Why?”

“Jungkook c’mon!”

“Guys,” he breathes out, “I made a promise, okay? Besides, I have enough money now, I don’t need anything else.”

Your features soften as you listen to his words. His promise was to you. A smile grows on your face as you watch his body calm down from his intensified state. Once Yoongi is finished, he packs everything up. The five of you talk amongst yourselves before Taehyung turns to you.

“You ready to go home?” He asks.

“I can take you home,” Jungkook says before you can answer.

“Okay,” you give him a small smile that he returns.

“Okay then, I’m gonna head out, I won’t be home tonight Jungkook,” he says.

“I know I know, at your girlfriends,” Jungkook swats his hand and Taehyung flips him off before leaving.

Jungkook stands up throwing on a shirt and slipping into Birkenstocks. “Come on,” he says to you, holding out his head. You gladly take it and it feels more like home than home ever has.

_____

“Fuck Jungkook, how much money is this?” You ask him as he hands you a white envelope as he unbuckles himself in the driver seat. The envelope is thick and you peak out of curiosity, your jaw dropping.

“I told you,” he says snatching it back from you, “As much food as I’ve bought you lately, hopefully this will last.”

You swat at his sarcastic comment before letting out a laugh. Instead of going home, you asked Jungkook to go anywhere but there. You’re parked outside of his apartment complex, which was fine with you. The two of you needed to talk. Not much talking goes on as a silence falls between you two.

“Y/N.”

“Jungkook.”

The two of you laugh as you speak at the same time.

“You first,” you say, turning your body to face him fully.

He takes a deep breath before speaking, “I know I said it earlier but I really am sorry about this past week. There’s not an excuse that justifies me acting like a complete dick to you, especially when you’ve been nothing but nice to me.”

You stay quiet, unsure of what to say.

“And when I said you’re the best part of my day… I fucking mean it. I’m sorry for coming onto you like I have, I just,” he doesn’t finish, his eyes looking everywhere but you.

“Jungkook,” you get his attention again, reaching over the console to grab his hand, “Don’t apologize for that. Yeah, you’ve been a dick each time something happens between us but that’s the apology I care about.”

“I just don’t know how to say it,” he mutters, caressing your hand gently.

“So you’re really not going to box anymore?” you inquire. Jungkook was good, more than good... it couldn’t be easy giving up on that. 

He shakes his head, “No. I told you I didn’t want you worrying about me anymore. I keep my promises,” his smile his sweet and you swear your feel yourself melting more and more into his touch. 

“Jungkook,” you let out a deep sigh, “I didn’t realize how much I needed you in my life until we became friends again. You know almost everything about me and I don’t want anyone else to ever take your place…”

It’s hanging there by a thread—the words on your tongue—and you’re not sure you can say them and they feel constricting—but you know you have to and—

“I love you,” the words come from your mouth and you feel like you could puke. “I don’t know when or why, but I’m in love with you Jungkook. You’re all I think about anymore and I don’t want anyone else when you’re right here.”

Jungkook parts his mouth, staring at you with a look you can’t read. Fuck, you fucked this up for sure.

“Shit—I know that was so rushed and stupid. Fuck I’m an idiot—“

“Y/N,” Jungkook’s voice interrupts you and you try to hide within your own body from embarrassment. With your hand of yours in his, he pulls on it, forcing you closer to him. You look at him wide eyed before he presses his lips against yours firmly. As usual, his lips feel so good and you melt into him. This is good right? What the hell is going on? You pull away from him after a few moments, an unsure look on your face.

He nuzzles his nose against your own before speaking, “I’ve wanted to tell you that since the night of our graduation.”

“Really?” You ask as you feel your palms sweat, heart racing.

He nods, “I’ve been in love with you for god knows how long now.”

A smile creeps upon your face and you let out a sigh of relief. Jungkook watches you with interest, tucking some of your hair behind your ear.

“I can take you home whenever,” he says quietly.

You’re quick to shake your head,  “No, it’s okay… I can stay, if you want,” your voice trails off and you suddenly feel shy under his gaze.

You don’t notice how Jungkook bites his lip but he does say, “Yeah. Of course.”

_____

Jungkook’s apartment is how you remember it, though a lot quieter without Taehyung here. You’re sure the reason Jungkook’s apartment is spotless is because of him. He has always been clean and organized and Taehyung… well he was Taehyung.

“I’m gonna get in the shower, my room is in here if you wanna chill,” Jungkook says and you give him a small nod. He rids his shirt before he even closes the bathroom door and it makes you gulp. This is new territory for the both of you. The two of you just admitted your love for one another and you’re about to spend the night with Jungkook? And not in a friend way? Jesus Christ you could be tripping.

You walk into Jungkook’s room and it smells just like him. His bed is neatly made and his desk is sprawled with two computer monitors and some notebooks from school. His walls are decorated as you’d expect—a Korean flag hanging, a ‘Saturday’s Are For The Boys’ flag—typical—and a few Beta Tae Sigma plaques scattered. What catches your eye is a wall of neatly lined photos taped to the wall. You look around at all of them with a smile. Most of them are Jungkook and his frat brothers, Taehyung, a few of his older brother, there’s even a picture of you, him, Taehyung, and Jennie from high school. One that catches your eye the most is one of just you and him. It’s an old picture but the memories from that day flood your mind. It was from your first week of freshman year here at university. Both of your smiles are wide and you two are hugging each other’s frames closely. Jennie took the picture you remember. It makes you smile to yourself, butterflies entering in your stomach. Did you love Jungkook then and didn’t know it? The way you’re looking at him in the picture would say so.

You suddenly feel an urge to be close to him again. You’ve never been a ballsy person but as you look back at the bathroom door that’s closed, your desire to be touched again by Jungkook again overwhelms your senses. Closing your eyes briefly, you don’t need much more convincing before your stripping yourself of your jacket and shoes. You kick off your jeans and sweater, leaving you only in your undergarments. You tip toe to the bathroom, grabbing the handle, opening it easy.

The shower water is loud and there’s steam in the small quarters. Jungkook is humming to himself as you start to take off the rest of your clothing. With a deep breath, you grab the shower curtain, pulling it back. Jungkook’s back is facing you but he hears you instantly.

“Shit Y/N you scar—“ he stops mid sentence as he takes in your naked frame getting in the shower too.

“Hi,” you mumble meeting his eye contact.  

“H-hey,” he nearly chokes on his own air, trying to keep his eyes up from your breasts.

“Scooch,” you smirk at him to move to get underneath the water too. He does as you say watching you curiously. You’re in the process of wetting your hair when his chest is pressed firmly against your back.

“This wasn’t expected,” he says into your ear, his hands moving to grip your waist from behind.

“You’re the one that wanted me to go home with you,” you say giving him an innocent glance over your shoulder. He laughs biting his lip, pressing them against the skin behind of your ear. You lean into the physical contact, feeling almost all of your stress go away instantly.

You spin around to look at him fully as it’s a frenzy whose mouth collides with whose. He leans down to grasp your lips in their entirety, pulling you closer to him than you ever have been. He pulls you away from the water so it doesn’t get in your face as he presses you against the shower wall. His tongue dips in and out of your mouth, his hands free roaming over your breasts and down to your ass, whatever he likes within the moment. Your hands grip his dark locks as he moves his mouth from your mouth, to your neck, down to your chest. He waste no time taking your right nipple in his mouth and you exhale deeply at the feeling.

You pull his face back to yours, kissing him again not able to get enough of his lips. His hands trail down from your ass to the front of your thighs, getting closer and closer to your wet center.

“Is this okay?” He asks as his fingers rub slowly back forth between your entrance. You can barely speak as his touch is setting you on fire but you manage to nod.

“Yes, please, Jungkook,” you say. He enters one finger, then another stretching you out nicely. Fuck you forgot how good this felt with him.

“Fuck you’re so wet,” he breathes heavily and you glance down at his hardening cock. Your mouth waters at the sight. Jungkook lifts one of your legs and starts to take his fingers in and out of you slowly and agonizing. He fingers you deep and rough and you can already feel a climax coming.

“Shit,” you croak out as Jungkook rubs one of your nipples, kissing your neck. There’s a pain at the back of your head at his force pushing you against the wall but it’s easy to ignore when it feels so good below your waist. “Jungkook, I’m gonna come,” you say as the snap inside of you is about to break.

“Come on baby,” his voice is deep and groggy. As if on cue, you feel your climax wash over you and you’re not shy to be loud. You know no one is here so it doesn’t bother you one bit. Jungkook kisses you against feverishly as he pulls his fingers from you. You feel impossibly empty but you know what you want to do and you’re not near anywhere tired. Your hands travel down to his front, grasping his hard dick in your hands. God, he’s so big.

“Oh fuck,” Jungkook seethes through his teeth as you pull on the sensitive skin, all the way from his pubic hair down to the tip. He places a hand beside of your head, leaning forward against your forehead. His eyes are shut tightly and you lick your lips, wanting to take him in your mouth.

You push him away from you slightly and move down to your knees, your face front and center with his beautiful dick. You take no time to put him in your mouth which causes Jungkook to groan loudly.

“Y/N,” he says looking down at you. He’s never seen a better sight. You make sure to keep eye contact as you bob your head up and down his shaft. While one of Jungkook’s hands stays against the wall, his other grips your hair, fisting it into a makeshift ponytail. “Oh fuck—He pulls on your hair and it only makes you want to please him more. Your left hand go to his balls, the right helping you up and down his length. He pulls your hair again and you take as much of him as you can. His tip reaches the back of your throat and you gag around his length and Jungkook thinks he could actually cry. Watching you through half open lids, he decides this isn’t how he is going to come—not tonight at least.

He grabs your hair and pulls you away from him and you’re slightly confused when he brings you to your feet.

“Come on, I need to be inside of you,” he says and you nod eagerly as he turns off the shower. He leads you out of the bathroom in a frenzy, pulling up into his bedroom. You shut the door behind you and he pins you against it, kissing you hard and deep.

Both of you are dripping wet but neither of you care to dry off as he carries you to his bed. You settle on his lap as his hands rest on your waist tightly. Your hands grip his face just as tight but you’re careful not to touch his injury above his brow. You couldn’t believe he was just fighting two hours ago—that seemed like forever ago compared to now. A lot can change in a short period of time and it makes you slightly chuckle against his mouth.  

“What?” He breaks the kiss asking you with a hazy grin.

You shake your head, “Nothing,” you smile pushing his hair from his forehead. You liked seeing it. “I love you,” you repeat. And you probably won’t stop, ever.

“I love you too,” he says, “So much.”

“Let me ride you,” you whisper in his ear and his eyes light up like a child. “Are you clean?” You ask him. 

He nods quickly, “You?” You nod in response and both of you feel excited and anxious. 

You rub your hand against his length again and you hold it up as you adjust yourself to sit on him. As soon as his tip enters you, a shiver runs down your spine. As you sink yourself lower, groans come from both of your mouths, a deep moan erupting from you when you bottom out.

“Oh my god,” you breathe in and out to control yourself.

“Ride me baby,” he says and you start to move your hips against his. He fills up every inch of you and it feels so good. Your hips lift away from his and he chases them with his own thrusts. He kisses your neck as you throw your head back, your hands digging into his shoulders for leverage.  

“Fuck Jungkook,” you say seeing stars in your eyes, “You feel so good,” you whine.

“You have no idea,” he says against your sticky skin, one of his hands bruising into your waist helping you ride him in a fluid motion. “Goddammit,” he says.

As you grind against him, your clit rubs against his pubic hair, sending your toes curling. He senses that you’ve found your sweet spot against him and places his thumb there instead to rub the sensitive bud.

You feel yourself inching closer and closer to a second climax when Jungkook stalls your motion.

“Lay on your stomach,” he breathes and you do as he says climbing off of him quickly. He doesn’t even give you time to get there all the way before he’s grabbing your hips to pull your ass to him. He slides right into you and you nearly scream into his mattress. Your hands grip the sheets as he fucks you deeper from behind. He smacks your ass once, twice sending a loud whine from your mouth.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” you mutter trying to focus on Jungkook’s whines and small ministrations from his mouth. He reaches forward, rubbing your clit again and you want to die and go to heaven at the feeling. Neither of you try to be quiet anymore as you feel the second orgasm coming over you. You clench and unclench around Jungkook’s length as he stalls his thrusts to feel the action.

“Come inside of me,” you say, knowing both of you are clean and you have an IUD.

“Jesus,” he breathes, picking up his pace again chasing after his own high. As the sensitivity becomes too much, Jungkook finally lets go, coming deep inside of you. He holds your hips close against him, trying to deepen his climax as far as possible. The hot cum inside of you feels good and you moan at the feeling.

When Jungkook finishes completely in you, he pulls out with a sigh. You collapse against the bed, completely spent. Jungkook finds a clean rag in his pile of clean laundry and is quick to clean yourself and him up. You feel like you can barely move as Jungkook joins you in his bed. He turns you over to face him and he kisses you gently which you return happily.

“I love you,” he says for the third time tonight, kissing your nose.

“I love you too,” you entangling your legs together. The room is silent apart from your breathing and you’re about to go to sleep when he nudges you with his hand.  

“Come on,” he says.

“What?” You ask.

“Let’s actually take a shower now since someone wouldn’t let me,” he eyes you with accusation.

You squint at him before flipping him off. “Fuck off.”

_____

The next morning you wake up with Jungkook hugging you from behind, his face nuzzeled in your hair. You have no clue what the time may be, but you since it’s early by the way the birds chirp out the window. You stretch out your arms as best as you could and try to move your legs, but it doesn’t work since Jungkook’s heavy legs are tangled with your own. You’re tempted to fall back asleep but when Jungkook moves behind you, you turn to see his ruckus. You’re met with his brown eyes and you jump slightly, not expecting to see him awake. Both of you let out the faintest of laughs, not saying anything.

Jungkook leans over and kisses your lips, “Good morning.” His voice is groggy and he shuts his eyes again as you fully turn your body to his.

“Good morning,” you respond, watching the way his chest rises and falls gently. “How’d you sleep?”

“Hmm, really good,” he mumbles. You are about to join him in closing your eyes again until a loud rumble comes from your belly. Jungkook laughs.

“Hungry much?”

“Starving,” you groan, “I didn’t eat dinner last night.”

“Why not?”

“I was too nervous before your match… I thought I would yak if I ate,” you answer. Stupid, you know, but it was your train of thought last night.

He opens his eyes again, “Let’s go to the diner for breakfast… employee discount.”

You glare at him, “Is that all I am to you? A fucking employee discount,” you say saracastically.

“And my girlfriend if that helps?” He raises an eyebrow. Your cheeks heat up and you smile.

“Welllll, since my boyfriend is rich now and gets a discount, I’m assuming he’s paying.”

He smirks, “Obviously.”

“Will you take me to my place so I can change? And then we’ll go?”

He nods, his hand caressing the side of your body, “As much as I wanna stay in bed, I could really go for pancakes right now.”

“Waffles are superior,” you remark.

He frowns with a disgusted face, “Get the fuck out of my bed you heathen.”

_____

Jungkook insisted on coming up to your apartment with you because he didn’t want to wait in the car, but you know he just wants to see you change in front of him. Boys are all the fucking same.

As you fumbled with the key, the door opens and whatever Jungkook is saying to you is suddenly drowned out when you see—

“Jennie?”

“Taehyung?”

The names leave yours and Jungkook’s mouth as you watch the scene in front of you. Jennie is sitting on the counter, Taehyung in between her legs with a coffee cup in hand. Could be worse but what the fuck is going on?!

“Shit,” Jennie says pushing away Taehyung. “Hey guys,” she smiles awkwardly. You and Jungkook look at each other confused before Jungkook speaks.

“Uh, Taehyung?” He asks and Taehyung is. as red as a tomato.

“Oh fuck,” Jennie mutters shaking her head. She looks at Taehyung for backup.

Taehyung pinches his nose before speaking, “Um… we’re dating.”

You and Jungkook have the same reaction as your mouth drops.

“Jennie is your secret girlfriend?” Jungkook asks.

“Surprise,” Jennie smiles again looking at you.

You look at Jungkook and shake your head at the four of you. What a fucking cliché.

The four of you go to breakfast together that morning and it’s like old times, just with a sprinkle of something new. As long as the four of you have known each other, you’ve always had each other’s backs. Even now, with you and Jungkook and Jennie and Taehyung—you know that would never change from here on out. Turns out, Jennie just thought her and Taehyung were friends with benefits, while Taehyung was telling everyone he had a girlfriend because he was that smitten with her. The four of you laugh at the situation at hand and you couldn’t believe everyone was back together... like this. As Jungkook’s pancakes and your waffles arrive, Jungkook’s beaming smile lighting the whole room you think to yourself—this is how it’s supposed to be. 

[ayylovley]

Can I request a fic of Lady D and her daughters? Thirsting hard for these vampy bitches

Bro hell yes!💖

I’ll write for gender neutral this time!🤙🏼

Warnings: Smut/NSFW Blood play, mentions of murder,/ praising, degrading, mentions of spanking, edging,/ begging, pegging,

Bella Dimitrescu

Bella Dimitrescu is a strange, but amazing lover hands down! One kinky hoe but would sprinkle it with love and care on top.

For example, a long day for you and she greets you with a passionate kiss before slamming your ass against the wall.

Very much into bloody play while praising you a lot. When you let her dominate you, Bella tells you how much of a good boy and lover you are. While pouring a victim’s blood of her’s on your chest to lick all up!

A definite switch! Catch her being a pretty hard dominant to you. But when you’re on top making her shake and break underneath, she’s weak and giving all of herself to her lover.

Daniela Dimitrescu

More sadistic than her sister, Bella. But Daniela does have her moments.

She does love listening to your screams and whimpers for her. “You sound like a real slut now, my love.”

Enjoys to dominate more than sub but will eventually let you if she’s in the mood for it. But doesn’t want that lovey soft shit she likes it rough!

But would say, “Is that all you got, baby? Come on! I know you can do better than that.~” When you succeed to make her whine or watch her dark eyes roll at the back of her sockets, you’d feel so fucking proud.

She would give you rewards afterwards and be extra nice to you outside of sex for the rest of the day. Mostly because she needed that!

Cassandra Dimitrescu

Ohh boy, the most mean and sadistic of the sisters. She wouldn’t really let you dominate no matter what gender you are, you’re her bitch.

Into a lot of the painful kinks, on you mostly. Chains, hours of edging, spanking with whips, nipple clasps, etc.

Cassandra’s teasing is killer. Literally. Leaving you begging and sobbing and she would never get tired of hearing it. This includes your screams and painful whines.

Definitely pegs no matter what gender! Her favorite combination is pegging while marking.

Can easily become jealous of her other sisters if they look at you hungrily. And trust me they will.

Because of this, her possession while rise during sex. And would do, anything to show everyone that you belong to her!

Alcina Dimitrescu

Alcina is more mature than her daughters of course, so she doesn’t get jealous much if she takes you outside of the castle.

Because she knows you only love her, she has nothing to worry about.

Sex with her results to praising, degrading, lots of teasing, breaking beds.

Is the most romantic, doesn’t prefer sex on the couch or any other type of furniture. And loves candles light while the room is a bit dark.

Watching her let her dark hair down is one of the sexiest sights. And just the way it would cover her nipples across her breasts, damn!

Alcina is a good dancer! Slow dancing specifically, she would chain you up and dance for you a little to tease~

[fenristheorem]

Lance Romantic Headcanons

(Technically part 2)

I’ve had a few of general / romantic headcanons running through my mind for a while now regarding Lance, so as part of my weeks away I decided I wanted to write about this. This isn’t to be confused with my two request writings (part 1 and 2) asking for headcanons of Lance in Guardienne in a relationship, although, the subject is very closely related so it’s probably a bit of a sister series lol.

~ Under the cut ~

I'm going to jump right into this: I think Lance has a dirty secret (many secrets actually, but I’m only sharing this one for now 😉). I theorize he secretly likes sensual dancing; soft yet intimate or intense music playing, and either watching his partner dance around or dancing with her. Being able to grasp her hips gently and sway with her, nuzzling his face into her neck, and pressing her body against his could definitely bewitch him into falling in love with is partner all over again. For this reason, he'd also like when his partner gives him lap dances - if that's something she's interested in doing - especially if she’s being subtly dominant about it. However, this isn't anything that's necessary, more like something that he enjoys when offered due to the intimacy of it. He'd never admit his interest in this, though - except maybe to his partner - and he'd certainly never do any of this in public.

He’s probably into massages - both giving and receiving - as this includes a lot of physical touch, too. Being a warrior and the Chief of Obsidian, Lance probably has a lot of stress on himself and undoubtedly works himself until he bleeds, which means he’s probably tense all the time. Provided his partner can get him to sit or lay down for long enough to give him a good back or shoulder massage, he’ll eventually melt into it until it’s hard to get him back up and moving. Massages can literally make this guy melt. He’ll enjoy giving his partner massages for reasons different than why he enjoys receiving them, though. Being able to lay his partner down and use his strength to sooth her ignites something deep within him, a sort of feral protective instinct, possibly because the act of massaging someone is similar in motion to kneading (like a cat) and providing comfort to your partner is usually pretty nice anyways. This can actually influence him into turning the simplest of massages into a long night of gentle touches where his partner doesn’t need to worry about doing anything except laying beneath him and letting him do all the work. Frankly, saying that he likes massages is an understatement, he probably loves them due to the simplistic intimacy of it.

Lance is definitely into aggressive cuddling as well. He likely has aggressive moments through out the year, almost like how a woman's temperament may change based on her menstrual cycle (yes, I did just say that lol), and it can make him crave his partner's touch more or less in certain moments. Based on his internal time clock, he'll have days where he'll come back to their shared room at night, strip off his armor until he's wearing only his pants, grab his partner - gently - and throw her - gently - onto the bed, and cuddle with her. He'll wrap his arms tightly around her, may possibly lay on top of her - as long as he's sure she's not suffocating under his weight - and he'll refuse to let her up for anything. She can argue him all she wants; he'll either argue back or shut her up with a kiss, which could probably lead off to another type of aggressive cuddling 😉. 

He can also be somewhat aggressive during these moments... but not exactly in a distasteful way.

“Hey Lance, can I get up?”

A grunt.

...

“Please?”

Another grunt, and a shifting of his grip to hold her tighter.

“Oh come on! I need to see Karenn about something!”

“You’ve seen her enough this week.”

She can start to struggle against his arms and chest, but he’ll pull her into a death grip and wrap his legs around hers so it’s harder to move.

A frustrated sigh as she relaxes.

...

More struggling. He’ll growl and lightly nip her neck or shoulder, following up with a few gentle kisses if he’s feeling kind. This gets her to stop.

“I promise I’ll come back and then we can continue!”

He’ll raise his head and look at her with a raised eyebrow.

“Is it urgent?”

“...Yes?...”

“No.”

“Why!?”

“That ‘yes’ had ‘no’ written all over it.”

His hand will press her head against his chest again as Lance nuzzles into her hair.

“Is there any way, in any possible world, that I could possibly leave for just a few seconds to tell her something?”

“No.”

Better luck next time, maybe. Once Lance is set on something, it’ll take the sky falling to change his mind... and even then his stubbornness may still prevail.

While we’re on the topic of close contact with Lance; he probably has a very specific scent to him that isn’t even remotely similar to any one else in the guard.

His profession requires heavy manual labor, and although he probably isn’t fighting most of the time - maybe not even training depending on the day - he still has to lug around heavy armor and weaponry, and he probably has a somewhat routine schedule of walking around the guard to check in on how his sentries are doing (was it ever confirmed that there are watchmen stationed on the walls of the guard? Anyways, I headcanon that if it wasn’t already confirmed). Lance probably does a lot of moving around each day; be it training, fighting, working out a bit to keep in shape, embarking on missions, or just patrolling the guard to assure everything is alright. This means he probably does sweat a bit, and of course that hightlights anyone’s natural scent. It’s hard to say exactly what his natural scent may be like, but I image it’s a bit musky with a hint of a lighter chill to it.

Of course, he probably deals with the forge a lot, too, so the scent of the oil, leather, and smoldering steel he works with likely rubs off on him quite a bit. At nearly any time of the day - but especially later in the day - his partner is likely to find him smelling like the heavy musk of leather and heat, mixed with his own faint musk, and a tinge of nipping cold from the soap he showers with.

I’ve noticed that people rarely ever mention Lance’s neck injury... but I think his injury may actually have some impact in his relationship. There’s very little detail known on his injury, but regardless, it’s still a major weak point for him and was probably life-threatening at some point, so I don’t think he takes people being around this injury - or his neck in general - very lightly.

He’s likely very sensitive about his neck, even with his romantic partner. It’s less of a trust thing and more of an instinctual, self-preservation thing. There was a point in time where his life was threatened because someone was inflicting an injury to his neck, and it is known that it’s a weak point for Lance, so it would make sense that he would be very defensive about his neck.

It would take a while for him to open up to his partner about the details, and he may lean away from any touch on his neck for a long time until he learns how to feel comfortable with it, so in that time his partner would need to be understanding and accepting. She can hug him, kiss him, lean against him, anything... but avoid touching his neck.

Lance would likely be startled if she did this without warning, possibly to the point of clearly jumping or immediately backing away from shock. As it is, other’s don’t really touch him in a kind manner, so to have someone - even if it is his partner - touch him without warning, gently, on his neck, will usually come as a surprise. However, this is really only in the beginning of their relationship, and he’ll calm down in time the more he adjusts to physical touch around that area.

In the mean time, his partner would need to get used to his skittishness, but if it’s really a problem for his partner and he agrees, they can start to rehabilitate him to physical touch around his neck, starting by getting him used to touch around his neck and his partner eventually moving her hands closer and closer to his neck until he’s calm enough to let her touch his neck. It would be a slow process, but - provided he trusts her and feels safe when they try it - he’ll slowly relax in time.

This would be unlikely to cause major issues in their relationship unless his partner obviously doesn’t seem to care about his uncomfortable feelings, so as long as she gives him the time he needs to adapt and trust, he’ll calm down. In time he’ll fully enjoy her touch on his neck.

This is relatively short in comparison to the rants I usually go on but I’m glad to have finally written these out. Technically, I had more headcanons I could have added to this, but since they’re a bit more specifically about Lance’s dragon genetics I decided to split those off onto their own post. Fortunately I think these are fine as they are!

Thanks for reading!

Have a request? Ask them here!

But first, please read the rules list for asks!

[canary3d-obsessed]

Restless Rewatch: The Untamed Ep 17 part one

(Masterpost of all the rewatches) (Canary’s pinboard of original content)

Warning: Spoilers for All 50 Episodes!

Inaccessible

Wei Wuxian hides in a boat among the lotuses next to a pier in Lotus Pier, the second-most-literally-named home in the show, after The Burial Mounds. This pier has a railing that goes all the way around it, without any ladders or anything. Not to be ADA on main but this means if you can't Jedi jump, you're fucked.  

Hefeng Liquor

While Wei Wuxian waits and tries, not very successfully, to keep his shit together, he hears the guards talking about the local booze that they're going to drink at their murder victory party. We learn, in a desaturated flashback (that OP has done her best to resaturate), that this is lotus-infused wine invented by Wei Wuxian during happier days. 

He kicks the flashback off with his favorite activity, Unnecessarily Erotic Beverage Drinking. (gifset) I’ve slowed this gif down so we can all appreciate the unnecessariness. The way his hand caresses that leaf OMG

Hopefully he is not drinking lake water out of that leaf. Side note: How is it possible that Xiao Zhan doesn't have a drinking water endorsement deal? I had to resort to Zhu Yilong's brand of water for this gag. I figure if it's good enough to pour directly onto a lightning burn like they do in The Lost Tomb Reboot, it's good enough for a leaf hummer chastely drinking out of a leaf

(more behind the cut!)

In his memory, Jiang Cheng tells him to stop fucking around and come help with the basket of lotus pods. Wei Wuxian responds by grabbing one for himself and then sitting his ass down and not helping. Cause he’s a motherfucking P.I.M.P.

Emotional Rescue

Wen Ning arrives on the pier with Jiang Chang, to Wei Wuxian's extreme relief. Look how much emotion Xiao Zhan is able to convey even with half of his face hidden, my lord.

Wen Ning carries Jiang Cheng on his back, in an echo of other significant piggyback rides in Wei Wuxian's life.  

Wei Wuxian's relief is at war with his fear, seeing his brother in such bad shape. Remember, these are cultivators, who heal quickly and mostly don't get their asses beat this hard. The only time Wei Wuxian has been comatose was after the Xuanwu cave, and that was probably because of his prolonged contact with resentful energy/Yin iron.

Hibernating Zidian

Wen Ning gets ready for his first, but not his last, boat ride with an unconscious Yunmeng brother in it. He tells Wei Wuxian that Jiang Cheng is pretty fucked up but isn't dead.

Then he gives Zidian to him. Before we talk about Zidian, let's talk about BAMF Wen Ning.  Wen Ning is an awkward goofball. He’s also insanely competent at just about everything--wine-drugging, dude-smuggling, corpse retrieval, dog acupuncture, drug pushing. As well as shooting rocks out of the air and, later, beating zombie ass, and resisting mind control. . 

This is the foundation of their friendship; it’s not actually about Wei Wuxian being nice to the weird kid. He initially sought Wen Ning out for the same reason he sought out weird kid Lan Wangji--his martial skill. He accepts his weirdness and is protective of him because of his missing-spirit problem, but he did not befriend him out of altruism.

Wei Wuxian is so forgiving that he can smile fondly when looking at the weapon that whipped the shit out of him a couple of days ago.

Wei Wuxian puts Zidian down right next to Jiang Cheng's hand and...nothing happens. It doesn't recognize him or spark to life. This didn't seem meaningful when I watched it the first time, but rewatching...yikes. It KNOWS.

Wei Wuxian admits, with tears in his eyes, that there is nowhere safe for him to go with Jiang Cheng, and Wen Ning immediately offers care and shelter. Even though that is putting his own life at serious risk.

Life obligation is a common theme in CDramas. It’s often something a person chooses as a way of showing love. Guardian builds an eternal romance out of two people saving each other’s lives over and over.  But accepting the obligation is a choice (in fantasy dramas, if not in real life). Love and Redemption has a gloriously harsh sequence where a life is saved, and the save-ee cooly rejects the saver.

Every time Wen Ning saves Wei Wuxian, he cites that one time that Wei Wuxian saved him from the water demon. And Wei Wuxian cites this rescue right here when he throws everything away to save Wen Ning. Meanwhile, Jiang Cheng doesn't acknowledge any debt to Wen Ning at all, only--grudgingly--to Wen Qing. And people are ok with that.

Basically all this is to say that I think Wen Ning leans into this life debt because he loves Wei Wuxian, and Wei Wuxian leans into it because he loves him back. Non-romantically, I think...at least on Wei Wuxian’s part. YMMV.

They go to pick up Yanli from their Granny, telling her to go into hiding. She starts to cry, not knowing how she'll manage on her own. Wei Wuxian tells her that they will come back, as Wen Ning looks super unsure about that.

Of course Wei Wuxian can't know, at this point, whether they will come back. Wei Wuxian always wants to make everybody feel better, and sometimes you really can't make someone feel better except by lying. He compulsively says shit that he thinks people want to hear, almost as if he was beaten frequently and arbitrarily as a child.

Wen Ning is doing his best for the recreational boat ride industry, as he rows the Yunmeng trio through some amazingly beautiful scenery.

Core Melting Time

Meanwhile, back at Lotus Pier The Yunmeng Supervisory Office, Wen Chao is hung over, Wen Chao is angry, Yawn

For some reason, Wang Lingjiao has suddenly decided to talk to Wen Chao in the most cloying and annoying way possible. 

Also, the fact that she still addresses him as Gongzi when she is totally fucking him is kind of great. This is like those fics where Elizabeth Bennet calls Mr. Darcy "Mr. Darcy" even when they're married and hitting it. 

Wen Zhuliu demonstrates why he's called Core-Melting Hand, by punishing the wine guard. He's able to melt a guy's core by grabbing him by the throat, and also picks him up, Darth Vader style, for extra meltyness.

All that stuff I said last time about Wen Zhuliu feeling ambivalent about being a villian...yeah, he seems to have gotten that right out of his system. 

Chilling in Yiling

Wen Ning is doing his best for the recreational carriage ride industry.  Wei Wuxian, after presumably several hours in the cart, decides that now is a good time to get curious about where they are going. 

Here we start to see a new side of Wei Wuxian.  Before this he was carefree, other than specific worries about his friends. He confronted danger with lightness and humor, or with temporary fear, that he let go of once the danger passed. Now, after all the deaths and seeing Jiang Cheng so injured, he's twitchy, anxious, and angry.

Very, very angry.

When he realizes that Wen Ning has brought them to the Yiling supervisory office, he goes off, demanding to know whose home this was before the Wens took it and grabbing Wen Ning and shoving him into a decorative...decoration.  He thinks Wen Ning brought them here to harm them. 

I wouldn't have thought such a pretty dude could be so menacing, but holy crap.

The way he's confronting Wen Ning here is not his normal style. He's not trying to provoke a bigger fight like he usually does; he's not trying to create distance, the way Jiang Cheng does. He's very intimate, getting right in his face and maintaining eye contact. He trusted Wen Ning and feels personally betrayed.  

Shy little Wen Ning is remarkably calm when confronted like this. Wen Ning really isn’t afraid of anything, despite his general air of nervousness. (Full gifset of Angry WWX over here.) 

He calmly and kindly explains the situation. He doesn't appeal to Wei Wuxian's trust, saying "oh I would never;" he appeals to his logic, which gets through to him. 

Wen Qing comes out and the guards start banging on the door and Wei Wuxian flips out again, grabbing a sword and pointing it at Wen Qing as she decides what to do.  Wen Qing seems unruffled by Wei Wuxian's sword pointing, and we see her weighing up the situation.

She makes her decision, sending the guards away and deciding to help the fugitives, officially joining the Clear Conscience Club. She could probably get Wen Ning out of trouble by turning them in, but she opts to put personal loyalty and her belief in her own ideals ahead of her family's safety.

Wei Wuxian is not ok. He’s just not ok. He tries to act like it after they get settled in with Wen Qing, but he's not, and I think that plays into his next several choices. 

Next comes a whole sequence of Jiang Cheng being unconscious with pins in his head--ow--while Wei Wuxian twitchily tends to him. 

This sequence is kind of unfair to Jiang Yanli. What matters to the story here is Jiang Cheng and Wei Wuxian's relationship, so that’s the focus of these scenes. But really, there is no way Jiang Yanli would not be at Jiang Cheng's side unless she was literally unconscious herself. Let's assume Wen Qing stuck a needle in her to make her rest while she has a fever. Shippers should also feel free to assume that Wen Qing spent hours at her bedside, tenderly wiping her forehead and holding her hand as she recovered. In his sleep, while Wei Wuxian sits by his side, Jiang Cheng calls for his sister, mother, and father, but not for his brother. Ouch.  

Let's pause to appreciate Wei Wuxian's new outfit, which is the sort of getup most people in this society probably imagine Yiling Laozu wearing, rather than the low-key homespun stuff he actually spends his Yiling year in. This robe has fancy shoulders, shiny material, touches of Jiang purple, strange red hoody strings, and a fuckin' CAPE. He didn't bring any luggage with him from Lotus Pier, although he's still got his Yin Turtle Sword hidden in a bag of holding. So the most likely explanation is that Wen Ning hooked him up with this lewk. "Wei Wuxian is a nice person. He should have a magnificent cape."

Wen Wing and Wei Wuxian take a breather to stand on the porch and work out what their status is with each other, like a couple of fucking adults, which is amazing. Basically Wei Wuxian is ready to forget earlier Wen shenanigans, but is going to avenge Lotus Pier. 

Wen Qing isn't enthusiastic about that but doesn't argue, just asking, mostly rhetorically, if he plans to kill her too. He's uncomfortable considering that; the role of avenger isn't one that's comfortable for him, although he turns out to be extremely good at it. He does not, of course, plan to kill her too. In a few months, imprisoned in a Wen dungeon, she will be the only Wen left alive after Wei Wuxian 1.5(No-Gold Edition) and Chenqing come to visit.

Jiang Cheng finally wakes up, and the first thing he does is to test out his spiritual power by hitting Wei Wuxian as hard as he can. 

DUDE.

Look at Wei Wuxian's face, as he goes from happy, to shocked and hurt, to laughing it off. It's exactly like when Jiang Cheng shoved him in the Rock Lady temple. Has Wei Wuxian spent all of his years with Jiang Cheng going from affection, to hurt feelings, to pretending it's fine? God, I think he probably has.

This episode raises a question that will come up again later, but never be answered. That question is, what the fuck are these weird footies and why the fuck does Jiang Cheng wear them to bed?

Jiang Cheng reveals that his golden core is gone, that he can't cultivate any more, which means he can't avenge his parents or achieve any ambitions in life. Nobody has apparently given any thought to why Wen Zhuliu is called "Core-Melting Hand" before this, which is hilarious, frankly. If I fought with a guy called, for example, Brain-Eating Mouth, I think I would make certain assumptions about him and what he planned to do with my brain.

Something interesting is happening in this moment, because as he comes fully back to consciousness, Jiang Cheng pours out all of his trauma and horror to his brother, telling him about the core melting and practically wailing about his feelings over it all. And his brother understands, and ultimately finds a way to help him. What does Wei Wuxian do after his own trauma? Keeps it secret, so nobody finds a way to help him, although many people try to. So Jiang Cheng is, in this way at least...emotionally healthier than Wei Wuxian? That's unexpected.

Jiang Cheng is super upset and is mad at eternal scapegoat Wei Wuxian for saving him. Jiang Cheng would rather be dead than be a regular person. Whereas Wei Wuxian, faced with the same problem, is like, *shrug* I’ll adapt. These are both valid emotional responses to suddenly becoming disabled. Losing a golden core is definitely a disability, in this environment; it's not just about magic sword fights. Jiang Cheng's home is designed for people who can fly; Lan Wangji's home is designed for people who don't feel cold, and Wen Central is made of actual lava, for example. 

Jiang Cheng is already struggling with a lot of difficulties. He was raised by shitty parents, he's got anger management issues, he has a crushing weight of responsibility. And now he's also lived through the deaths of most of the people who matter to him. If sword cultivation is the one thing that gives him joy in life (ok one of two things, obviously fashion also gives him joy because he WORKS it), he can't reasonably be expected to rally when it's taken away.  

Oh, honey. Oh, baby boy. 

Wen Qing picks the worst moment to come in and tries to tend to Jiang Cheng, who starts off being devastated that the girl he likes is seeing the wreck he's become, and then moves along to helpless rage when he remembers that she's a Wen, and he screams at her to get out.  

Jiang Cheng is not able to put personal loyalty ahead of clan loyalty like Wei Wuxian is. Partly this is his nature, and partly it's his role as the lineal descendant of the clan leader. As a firstborn son of a gentry family, his destiny as clan leader is in his blood, and so is his responsibility to the clan. When Wei Wuxian praises Song Lan and Xiao Xingchen for caring less about bloodlines than about shared ambition, he is speaking from the position of someone who's bloodline ain't shit. Jiang Cheng will never be able to share that perspective.

Next: More of this excruciating episode!

Writing prompt: The Day I Discovered I Could Melt Your Fucking Core, by Wen Zhuliu Drabble prompt: Why I Wear Socks to Bed, by Jiang Cheng

[futures-tense]

Would you be interested in writing a fic where Gwen has has the baby (and it’s Owen’s). The 126 are in the waiting room and tk overhears them joke about not letting this one near drugs or something and he runs out crying to Carlos and the 126 go to give Gwen and Owen a piece of their mind? Sorry it’s so long/specific x

This took me a long time, and im sorry, but I hope this is what you had in mind 🙃

also- unrelated- but this is how I found out that my sister and best friend learned to play poker while i was in the surgery once so fhfbf

TW: Substance addiction mention,

Since I Wasn’t Born Perfect//1.3k//

"Dad, drive faster!"

“Tk, I'm already speeding."

TK pursed his lips and trained his eyes on his mother again. "Breathe, mom."

"Owen, if you don't drive faster," she manages from the passenger seat. She's holding TK's hand tightly over her shoulder. "I swear to god, I'll-"

She lets out a cry and tightens her hold on TK, who winces slightly. He feels his phone buzzing next to him and he smiles at the name flashing across the screen.

"Hey, babe- ow!" He pulls his hand out of Gwyn's grip and switches his phone to his now throbbing hand.

"Is everything okay?" He can hear the concern in Carlos's voice.

"Yeah, sort of. I can't talk long though."

"TK."

He smiles slightly. "Mom went into labor; we're on our way to the ER."

"Oh," Carlos says. "Do you need-"

"No, finish your shift," TK insists as they pull up to the hospital. "I've got to go. Be safe, I love you."

"I love you too, cariño. Text me updates."

TK shoves his phone into his pocket and helps his mom out of the car. He slips into paramedic mode, spouting all the things that the doctor needs to know. Owen follows her but a nurse steps in front of TK apologetically.

"I'm so sorry, but I need you to wait in the waiting room."

He opens his mouth to argue but nods instead. She leads him to a room full of chairs and panicked families where he sits by himself, leg bouncing wildly. What feels like an eternity later, the rest of the 126 shows up.

"How's she doin'?" Judd asks, sitting next to him. TK just shrugs and tugs at the strings of his hoodie.

"They haven't told me anything yet." He frowns for a moment. "Did Dad call you guys?"

Paul shakes his head. "Carlos."

TK smiles. Mateo and Marjan sit on his other side and Mateo pulls out a deck of cards.

"Slap Jack?"

———

"I'm looking for TK Strand?"

After 13 excruciatingly slow hours, the words are music to his ears.

"That-that's me," he says, scrambling to his feet. "Is she okay? Is the baby? Did something go wrong? Is-"

"TK, let her speak," Judd laughs. The doctor smiles a little.

"Everything went fine; they're both okay." TK lets out a breath. "Do you want to go see them?"

"Yes, please."

"Alright, follow me."

When they get to the room, the doctor leaves TK standing in the doorway. His parents are watching the baby, oblivious to his presence. He smiles a little to himself, taking in the scene.

"Maybe this time we should keep the painkillers on the top shelf?" He hears his father say and TK feels like he was just punched in the gut.

"We can just wrap him in bubble wrap so he'll never need them."

He has never wanted to cry more.

———

Carlos looks around the waiting room, smiling as his eyes land on the members of the 126.

“Hey, any news?”

Marjan looks up from the card game she’s playing with Mateo. “They’re okay; TK just went back.”

He lets out a breath, “Thank god.” Someone bumps his shoulder from behind, rushing past him. “Sorry, I- TK?”

His fiancé turns to look at him and Carlos can see he’s on the verge of tears, relief and pain mixing in his eyes.

“Whoa, whoa, what happened?” TK ignores his question and instead hugs him tightly, burying his face in Carlos’s shoulder. Carlos looks around at the crew- hoping for answers- but they’re all just as confused as he is. “Okay, cariño, you have to talk to me. How can I help?”

“They’re making jokes,” TK mumbles. Carlos frowns and moves back, cupping TK’s face in his hands. The paramedic wipes his face with his sleeves, looking anywhere but at Carlos.

“What do you mean ‘they're making jokes?” Carlos prods.

“My- My parents,” he hiccups out. “They're making jokes about-about painkillers a-and-and bubble wrap- and about not fucking this kid up.”

Carlos can feel his blood boiling as TK breaks down in his arms. He pulls him close, shooting a look at Judd- who looks like he’s about to hit someone.

“Take a breath, Ty,” Carlos says, softly, pressing a kiss to his head.

Judd stands and starts in the direction TK just came from.

“Shit,” Paul mumbles as the rest of the crew get to their feet to follow. Carlos cards his fingers through TK’s hair.

“Hey, babe?” TK makes a noise, then sniffles, but doesn’t move. “I’m really proud of you.”

———

"Cap, you got a minute?"

Judd is leaning against the door to their room, arms crossed. Owen looks up from the sleeping baby in his wife's arms.

"Hey, you guys. Where's-"

"We need to talk."

Owen frowns and looks at the Gwyn and the baby before meeting them in the hall. "Where's TK?"

Marjan waves her hand dismissively. "You're making jokes about painkillers? What are you thinking?"

Owen stiffens. "How much did he hear?"

"No, Cap," Judd says, shaking his head. "That is not the point. You've got a kid who was in and out of rehab most of his teen and adult life and you're makin' jokes?"

Owen scoffs. "I don't need to get reprimanded by my employees."

“All due respect,” Paul starts, “but right now, we’re TK's friends."

"And we're going to treat you like any other asshole," Marjan says.

“Did you just call me an asshole, Marwani?”

She just shrugs. “You thought I wouldn’t call you out?”

Owen looks over the group. “Fine, will you go find TK, tell him I want to talk to him?”

“Carlos took him home,” Mateo says, looking up from a text from Carlos. Owen sighs and shakes his head.

“Okay, I’ll call him. On another note, thank you guys for being here.”

“Of course, Cap,” Paul smiles. “We wouldn’t miss this.”

Judd shakes his head and starts walking toward the waiting room again.

———

“TK, your phone’s ringing,” Carlos says from his place at the counter.

“It’s just my dad,” he mumbles dismissively, his eyes never leaving his computer. “What do you think about orchids?”
Carlos wipes his hands on a dishtowel and leans on the counter. “I think, you’re avoiding things. Again.”

“Mm, oh! What about hyacinths?” TK asks; the wide smile never reaches his eyes. “If we’re going to have a spring wedding, they’d be the perfect table… center decoration thingy.”

“You’re really not going to talk about this?” Carlos doesn’t know why he’s asking; he knows the answer. He’s been trying to get TK to talk to his parents all week. “Babe, your little brother is officially a week old and you have yet to meet him. All because you’re being stubborn?”

“No, wait,” Tk mutters, typing quickly. “What’s that one flower you like? It- like- represents your birth month or something?”
“TK.”
“Asters! Oh, babe, asters would be-“

“Tyler.”
TK trails off mid sentence, his fingers hovering over the keys. “Carlos, I don’t know what you want me to say. I told you I don’t want to talk about it.”

Carlos moves around the table and slowly closes the computer, leaning against the table next to his fiancé- who keeps his eyes trained forward.

“I want you to be okay.”

TK tugs on sleeve and chews the inside of his cheek. “After what happened in New York...my dad was the one who pushed rehab, the-the therapy, who insisted I live with him, you know? And then...”

He makes a face- almost wincing- and sniffles. “Then, he’s making jokes about how I fucked up.”

Carlos covered his hands with his own. “Do you want me to arrest him?”

TK laughs and leans closer to press his head against Carlos. “Could you do that?”

“I can if I want to.”

“What would you charge him with?”

“I’m sure I can find something,” he shrugs running his fingers through TK’s hair. They lapse into silence. “What can I do?”

“You’re here,” TK mumbles, pressing a kiss to his wrist. “That’s all I need right now.”

———

Chapter 2